#and i don’t want anyone to feel dumb for being in this fandom as long as they have!
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i’ll keep an eye out on the situation but in absence of a miracle explanation, this is looking like the end of the line for me :^) not deactivating or anything, i’ll still be on this blog, just not posting about dteam anymore (which was kinda already the case since i’ve been slowly drifting for months)
hugs and kisses to every single one of you, i promise it’ll be okay! askbox and dms are open for anyone who want to talk 🫂
#mutuals can also find me on my privtwt! (also calamitydaze)#and i don’t want anyone to feel dumb for being in this fandom as long as they have!#i dont regret the decisions i made previously because i was doing the best i could with the information i had#and i’m still doing that#and regardless of the ending i have loved these past few years so so much i wouldn’t change it for the world#bella talks
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A Not-So-Disastrous Romance (Book 1) Prologue
Kusuo Saiki x Reader
Prologue: Troublesome "Friends"
Summary: Saiki gives everyone the rundown on his "bothers," including (L/N) (Y/N).
Mouse Note: Welcome to A Not-So-Disastrous Romance! I am very excited to share this story with everyone, even if this fandom is very old. Truth be told, I wrote 11 chapters like three years ago, so the first few chapters don't have the level of writing I have now, but I ended up finishing this story and wanted to share it. For another point, I know that people view Saiki as asexual and sometimes aromantic, but I feel an affinity for him being asexual but demi-romantic, so I play it slow-burn. That being said, terrible beginning writing aside, I really hope everyone enjoys. Let me know what you think, commenting helps me keep writing, and I love interacting with people! Welcome to the story!
Quick Key:
"Hello" -Saiki speaking telepathically
Hello -Saiki thinking
"Hello" -regular people talking out loud
Hello -regular people thinking
Saiki teleported to the roof to avoid Teruhashi and Nendou. One was troublesome enough. Two was insupportable.
“Where’s Saiki? Huh? What’s going?” wondered Teruhashi, confused.
I teleported without thinking. Saiki looked down at the crowd below him. People around me didn’t seem to notice me, but naturally, Teruhashi thinks something is strange. Well, Teruhashi, just think I was an illusion and forget about it.
“Nendou!” remarked the pretty blue-haired girl upon seeing him.
“Oh, wow, Teruhashi!” squeaked Nendou, blushing.
“Have you seen Saiki?” asked Teruhashi.
“What? My pal? No, I haven’t.” Nendou was too startled to think.
N-no way…did he disappear? thought Teruhashi, Is it possible that I was the one seeing an illusion? She recalled what she had assumed of Saiki: “You’re so much in love with me that you see illusions of me, huh?” A light blush spread across her face. Don’t tell me I’m…No! I can’t be… She clutched her heart. Oh, no…What’re these feelings? Is it possible…that I fell in love…with Saiki?
Oh, wow, thought Saiki as he deadpanned. This is not how he wanted things to go.
He sighed and teleported to a nearby, empty alleyway. Sighing, he decided to go for a coffee jelly. With the new problem he had just acquired, Saiki decided he might as well enjoy a little bit of peace. He walked quickly in the opposite direction of Nendou and Teruhashi, even if it took him on a long route to Café Mami. For once in his life, he was lucky and didn’t bump into anyone on the way there. His luck ran out, however, as soon as he entered.
“Saiki!” called a teenager with (H/C) hair and (E/C) eyes. They were grinning and waving.
He couldn’t avoid them now; it would draw attention to him for being rude. He sighed and sat down across from them.
This is (Y/N) (L/N). They’re another troublesome person who complicates my life. They even call me their friend and insist I use their first name. The worst part is I can’t read their mind. They aren’t dumb like Nendou, though. Do you see those earrings?
(Y/N) had simple, metallic studs in their ears.
They’re made of germanium, which apparently keeps me from seeing through them with my X-ray vision or hearing their thoughts with my telepathy.
He had only realized this after he saw them during school and on the weekends and the only thing that was the same between the outfits was their earrings. Saiki wished he could get his hands on some germanium. Hearing everybody’s thoughts was tiring. That being said, (Y/N) being unreadable was…disconcerting.
“Nice to see you, Saiki. Are you here for your usual coffee jelly?” asked (Y/N) cheerfully.
The pink-haired psychic nodded. Yare yare…Why do I hang out with you?
“Oh!” They brightened. “I guess since you’re kind of like my guest right now, I should treat you!”
Saiki’s eyes widened in excitement. Ah, I remember now. (Y/N) treated him to, well, treats. That made them more tolerable than other people.
Seeing his expression, (Y/N) laughed. They knew what he was excited for. “You’re more excited to see the coffee jelly than to see your friend.” They didn’t mind, though. They knew Saiki wasn’t one for being open or friendly, but they’d spent enough time with him to know he’d just leave if he really didn’t like him.
He wanted to say that they weren’t friends, but even he had to admit, he thought they were pretty tolerable compared to most of the people who crowded around him. Sure, their bright optimism was sometimes exhausting to Saiki, but for the most part, they were pretty low-maintenance and understood he was an extreme introvert and liked time to himself. Plus, although they were energetic at times, but they understood when things were too much for Saiki. And, to be completely honest, he didn’t mind getting to be around someone he couldn’t hear the thoughts of. He could act like a relatively normal person.
Saiki would never say all that, though. No way. No, the only thing he’d say was, “Coffee jelly is really good.”
“Can’t argue with that,” admitted (Y/N).
Their server, who coincidentally was Mera (probably trying to make money as usual), approached their table. She took their orders and headed to the kitchen to alert the chefs.
“You look more annoyed than usual, what happened?” asked (Y/N).
Saiki sighed. They unfortunately pay attention to me and can read parts of my emotions. It’s weird. Maybe they’re an empath. “I ran into Teruhashi.”
(Y/N) laughed. “The only guy immune to her charms.”
“She brings too much attention.”
“You’re friends with Nendou and Kaidou. A bit of attention is inevitable,” teased (Y/N), leaning on their hand and grinning.
“They’re not my friends.”
“Uhuh, sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” chirped (Y/N).
Mera brought their orders. Luckily, she hadn’t stolen a bite from either of the coffee jellies.
“Mmmm,” hummed (Y/N) and Saiki contentedly at the taste.
Peaceful relaxation with (Y/N). Just the way I like it. Saiki sighed happily.
Taglist:
@elaemae
@painstakingly-juno
@characterreaderwriter
@melovepurple
@sleep-7372
@w0mank1sser
@geminigengar
@noodleryworld
#a not so disastrous romance#x reader#gn reader#nb reader#x gn reader#x nb reader#saiki kusuo#the disastrous life of saiki k#saiki no psi nan#saiki k#kusuo saiki#saiki x reader#kusuo saiki x reader#saiki kusuo x reader#romance#love story#slow burn#fluff#saiki k x reader#tdlosk#saiki kusou no psi nan#saiki fanfic#saiki fic#kusuo x reader
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Ayato is slowly turning into the new “Yui” (she still gets hate too but yk less than other years) of the Diabolik Lovers fandom and I really thought the fandom was healing -jokes on me-
The way they complain about Ayato being too caring now inducing that he’s turning into a simp reminds me of the same people who complained about Yui for not fighting back and calling her weak for that. Let’s just let everyone enjoy whatever characters they want WITHOUT TRYING TO RUIN THEIR FUN ‼️
Also, why did Ayato even get so hated anyway? He was always one of the least horrible ones and right now, after all his development, I don’t find anything so unlikeable about him. He tries to see the good in others despite having such a past full of suffering. If I hear anyone say “because he’s too caring/dumb/immature” I will riot because why would it be bad to be caring with your girlfriend? He isn’t even as immature as people say. Isn’t this the same guy who took responsibility for things that were none of his business but he did so just to help others?
And don’t get me started on the fact he isn’t dumb at all. He’s an idiot because he’s uneducated but his brain power is above average. I played Reiji’s route awhile now and there was this chapter where Reiji helped Yui study for her math test but only after a timeskip she managed to get a right result while in Ayato’s after story, there was the same scene but with different characters and Ayato was able to learn very fast after Yui explained to him and even she found that amazing about him because he started getting all answers right. After I got interested in young blood, I came to the conclusion that he was the only Sakamaki brother who found something suspicious about the ceremony and planned to investigate it. I recall a few other moments but I’m curious to hear if you got a favourite one.
I hope this ask wasn’t too long ;w; I tried to fit my thoughts in but it’s ok if you don’t have time to answer it soon ^^
// So many languages in this word, but you decided to speak FACTS!
The reasons why some people start hating on certain characters, are incredibly embarrassing. Just tell me you didn’t pay attention to the story, without actually telling me that you didn’t pay attention to the story.
They had previously complained about him being too bratty and arrogant, but now that his true side has been revealed, they are still dissatisfied since he is not the "edgy and complex" vampire boyfriend they wanted him to be. Do you like such characters? Good for you but only because you have a preference towards those, doesn’t mean you should tell others how much their bias sucks… it’s just so uncalled??
As you said, something I have always found admirable about Ayato is his ability to be pure-hearted, despite his background. I can’t say anyone got much love yet… Beatrix was strict but she canonically loved both of her children, Christa was mentally ill and had her crazy episodes but it was shown that she still loved and cared for Subaru, and then there’s Cordelia, who truly didn’t show or feel any sort of love towards any of her children. In DF, I’m sure she regretted her actions but saying that she loved Ayato, Kanato and Laito would be an exaggeration. It’s no surprise that the triplets turned out so twisted when they didn’t get a taste of affection or kindness AT ALL. And Ayato’s side goes beyond that, since he literally was the piñata of so many characters.
In YB, he was used as bait, betrayed, and brutally knocked down by ghouls, as well as beaten up to the point of almost getting killed.
In Ayato’s character book, it was confirmed that Cordelia threw him in the lake every time he didn’t study. He had several near-death experiences as a result of her, and she frequently whipped and beat him up.
In the DF prologue, Carla and Shin sent the wolves to especially attack Ayato, not Yui, but Ayato thought they were going after her, so he sacrificed himself for her and used himself as shield so as she wouldn’t get hurt. He got severely injured that in some routes it takes a lot of time until he wakes up from the coma.
In Kino’s LE route, he burns Ayato alive and beats him up afterwards.
Last but not least, he got the Adam curse when he was a child and that’s so painful because it basically means drowning in a state of despair and insanity, until getting to taste something similar to that fig.
final YB chapter
Didn’t count the emotional and mental abuse but the physical one was INSANE. Despite so much torture, even if some of his actions were wrong too, most of the time he continued to value his life and to be empathetic and forgiving to those who mistreated him.
Let's not forget that we're talking about vampires here, who will always be more wicked than humans because, although not inherently evil, they still have a predator instinct, but what's truly fascinating about Ayato's character is that he has such a good soul in spite of learning from an early age that there is no kindness in this world. It's no surprise that Karlheinz was taken aback.
Moreover, I thought everyone was aware that Ayato isn’t actually stupid?? A bunch of his dumb moments are merely used for generating laughter and they’re not meant to be taken seriously. People also need to understand that the Japanese audience loves this kind of characters. They consider him an idiot in the affectionate way, because the lack of knowledge and gullibility make him endearing in their eyes. They don’t think of him as a genuine idiot. After all, nobody would like a character who’s completely dense.
It’s true that he’s impulsive and uneducated, which leads to him making dumb choices but I agree that his brain works faster sometimes than the one of other characters.
One of my favorite scenes is the one in which he eavesdropped on Cordelia, hearing that she only gave Karl children for attention, and he was the only Sakamaki who rapidly succeeded in connecting all of the dots, regarding all of Karl's victims and him being the root of all evil, which was the best revelation reaction in DL. I also enjoyed how, while all of his brothers rushed to kill Karlheinz (except for Laito, who had no battle scene in his route), Ayato was the only one who was like, "I won't kill you because I'd lead your plan to success in that case," and he only killed him after Karl wanted to harm Yui. If you haven't played DF, I recommend saving Ayato's route for last because it provides the most satisfaction.
Don't be concerned about the length! I believe I wrote a lot as well haha, but that's because your ask was so interesting to read! You made some excellent points, and I'm glad you're one of those people that can comprehend a character! 🥹🩷
#admin#ayato sakamaki#diabolik lovers#(no matter the hate)#(he’s still Rejet’s Golden boy)#dialovers
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Hopefully this isn’t too stalker-y, but I’ve noticed you say a couple times that you don’t ship Kakavege the same way as most of the fandom. Would you be willing to talk about how you see the pairing and how it’s different from the “default”? Obviously no pressure if you don’t want to talk about it, but I love seeing different interpretations of their relationship (whatever form it may take)
Not too stalker-y! If anything, I'm flattered that anyone would be interested in what I might think about stuff, haha. That said, all of the following is just my personal headcanon. There are lots of fun and valid interpretations of this pairing, and mine is but one of them.
First to clarify: When I'm thinking of the "default" (which is, of course, a very loose term, as the fandom and the shippers are obviously not monolithic at all!), what I have in mind is how Vegeta is constantly put in a submissive and/or bottom role where he gets his absolute shit wrecked and gets all sobbing and unraveled. And while Vegeta getting his shit wrecked is definitely up my alley (lol), I feel like the journey to get to that shit-wrecking doesn't vibe with how I personally interpret each character.
I think a great deal of it has to do with the fact that I don't see Goku as a very sexual person. I think he's very sensual in that he loves physical activities like fighting, eating, etc., but that like, sexual DRIVE just isn't there in the same way that it is for fighting. He probably has a libido, sure, but there's a difference between having a physical urge and being preoccupied with sexual desire. He doesn't really think about sex in the moment unless it's happening to him. In canon, he's often shown to be oblivious or not to understand things involving sex. Not because he's stupid or he can't pick up on things (because he definitely does and even plays dumb to mess with people for fun!), but because he's just on a different wavelength. Things that occur to "normal" people just don't occur to him.
And to me, all of that doesn't really line up with his being characterized as a dominant top most of the time, lol. Someone who exerts his desire upon someone else. (Which is not to say you can't have a submissive-leaning top---you definitely can; I think that is *cough* how Vegeta is with Bulma *cough*.) Now there are definitely situations where I can see Goku entering this headspace, though. Namely, say, if Vegeta nurtured that feral side of Goku's saiyan nature and encouraged him to get in touch with and act upon it. Exerting it on others.
Which brings me to Vegeta's characterization. I don't see him as particularly nurturing, lol. He sees Goku as a rival---someone he wants to tear down, not someone he wants to build up. He's obsessed with and angry at Goku for besting him. And I feel like one of Vegeta's responses to this would be to dominate him in any way he feels that he can. Unravel and defeat him. Even if it's just a pathetic attempt to feel superior or to shove down his real feelings and longings. (Because I think, deep down, Vegeta longs to let go of his NEED to fill a particular role, play the prince, be the best---it's a cage for him, and laying down his desperate desire for power and reveling in weakness would be freeing.)
On top of this, Vegeta strikes me as a person with far more dark, sexual energy. He's repressed as fuck, of course, but he's just BRIMMING with pent up feelings and desires. It even comes out when he fights. When he's dominating someone in battle, he gets really into it. He gets really intimate and personal about it. And considering his past, he's seen some fucking shit out in space. He's not innocent or oblivious even if he is a prude who tried to stay above it all. He knows what sex is, he knows what sexual desire is, he knows what sexual violence is, and he feels all of it intensely even if he doesn't let himself act on it (probably plays into why he's so ANGRY and frustrated all the time, lol). Not to mention the fact that Vegeta wouldn't have to stop and explain to Goku how to fuck him, lol; he'd just fuck him himself and show him what's what (or even sexually dominate him by bottoming from the top, so to speak).
All in all, in my mind, Vegeta would be far more likely to exert sexuality onto Goku vs. the other way around. Act his desires out on Goku. Dominate him in one of the few ways he can. Even though it's pathetic! And perhaps not even what he truly wants (to let go and have his responsibility/power stripped from him). But it's what he would do, and what he'd tell himself he wanted.
All that said, this leads to a "default" dynamic where Vegeta is more sexually dominant than Goku is. Which is against the more common fan interpretation. "Kakavege" is definitely more popular than "Vegekaka." (Even though I personally don't like when people get obsessed with who bottoms or tops... I'm a queer man, I'm messy as fuck, and I like when my ships are messy and complex like me, haha).
Even so, as I mentioned somewhere else before, there are definitely still situations where I can imagine Goku topping and/or being more dominant. Particularly in AUs where he's a lot less innocent and didn't get conked on the head, lmao. I LOVE when Goku snaps and goes feral like he did when he first transformed, though. I also LOVE when Vegeta lets go of his pride and gets his shit wrecked. But I feel like not a lot of people get either character to those places in a way that satisfies me personally when they write the pairing. Takes into account all the little subtleties and complexities of their characters. So it results in me being very picky with my shipping content for the pairing.
And THEN, on top of everything else, there's the issue of the imbalance in their feelings for each other. Vegeta feels far more intensely about Goku than Goku does about Vegeta. Vegeta is fucking obsessed. Whereas Goku has lots of rivals, and Vegeta might be one of his favorites, and he might even have a special bond with him as a saiyan, someone who understands him in a way the others might not, but he's not obsessed with Vegeta. Vegeta is always going to be angsting about what is effectively a situation of unrequited love. The pairing, at least to me, is an extremely angsty and doomed one for that reason. Vegeta just wants so desperately to be noticed and cared about the way he cares about Goku (see: the Majin Stunt). And a lot of people write the ship to be a lot less angsty than this. But I'm all about the angst, lol.
Vegeta really is the more "emotional" of the two despite insisting how little he cares for anyone or anything. Despite Goku wearing his heart on his sleeve more. Or being outwardly affectionate and comfortable sharing his feelings. Vegeta feels for Kakarot deeply even if he doesn't express it outright. Whereas Goku may love Vegeta as he loves everyone---his general love for life and everyone he meets kind of way. But it's not the intense, dark, emotional, romantic obsession that Vegeta has. The two characters are extremely different despite being two sides of the saiyan coin and sharing many important things in common.
I hope that sheds a BIT of light on how I see them? There is so much nuance to these characters. I love hearing other people's thoughts too. There are lots of really cool and interesting reads on them that are different than mine. Thanks for the ask!
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Thoughts on Benny + The Followers of the Apocalypse?
Idk if you want them separate or together so I’ll give you a little of both.
I personally don’t care for portraying Benny as suicidally arrogant and pathetic. He’s a lot more capable than people in the fandom give him credit for and should def read and take his All Roads characterization into heart as it is canon. I think a lot of it stems from all the other major players and factions being so much more intimidating and equal to the player by the time you reach him and the general goofy aspect of his character like the slang and that god awful suit but he’s truly a force. He cons people, is capable in a fight and is not afraid of getting his hands dirty, he just doesn’t do things that could get him killed if he doesn’t. It’s only when the Courier gets involved that he starts facing repercussions for anything. It’s funny but I wish more peeps focused on his underlying aspects like the fact he is prideful and has a temper but at the same time isn’t belligerent. He goes on benders according to Swank so he really isn’t above all the “missing the tribal days” syndrome all the other Chairmen have. It’s something that always plagues me when I like a popular or well known character in fandom cause they always get dumbed down and it cuts out a lot of the stuff I like to focus on. It doesn’t help that I feel a lot of people treat him like he’s the worst character morally when like random side quest NPCs have definitely done worse than him to you and general on a good day.
For the followers, they are one of my favorite factions despite not being a consequential faction. They had a lot cut from them such as a quest line that had you expose Caesar by revealing all his ancient Roman shit was a farce as he learned it from his time in the Followers and not from Mars (a big reason Caesar has a kill on sight order for followers members or people who reveal they are educated) and just more agency. I think it’s funny they are so close to Vegas while standing against all it represents but I understand why they wouldn’t like it as so many people struggle with addiction and abuse in the Mojave due to how much it sucks to be there. I feel like if you had the option to incorporate them into an independent Vegas or NCR option in a major way they’d do wonders for the future of the Mojave since they universally just want to make living easier and healthier. They are a bunch of pills but they don’t let that get in the way of their goals. I also enjoy how they make anyone who is helpful or just lost a follower (a cut quest lets Rotface join if you encourage him to be better and he’s actually happier for it!!!). I wish we got more random follower NPCs and encampments but New Vegas barely can function with all it has already so I get why their stuff was cut but man does it suck. I think I’d be a follower if I was in the Mojave.
As for Benny AND the Followers? I think Benny appreciates them as a former Boot Rider and tribal. They help those in need and I feel like there’s unspoken solidarity between raiders/tribals and the followers as they likely got healed a lot. If Benny had the power I feel like he’d make them a part of Vegas as like a thank you because y’know, the honor and loyalty is a big part of Chairmen culture past and present. After Emily ehh…. as long as she doesn’t bring it up. They probably wouldn’t accept due to it being Vegas but Benny is just like an annoying old friend to the followers. He’s probably stopped by on his many escapades trying to overthrow House and they tolerate him as a useful in/tie to Vegas power dynamics. He’d make a shitty doctor and most Followers have shit poker faces.
#I have strong opinions on fandom interpretations and I often don’t reblog a lot of material outside my own stuff#or follow a lot of fandom blogs cause it will literally make me leave a fandom if fanon is unbearable to me like#I try to interpret characters pretty close to canon unless it’s in a shit post#Benny would hump and dump before he like fell love with anyone realistically but that’s the fun part#of creating the situation where he would rather than changing him to fit a desire#fallout#fallout new vegas#benny gecko#benny fnv#followers of the apocalypse#ask#anon
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I’ve thought long and hard about how I wanted to celebrate Pride month on this blog in 2023. My first year for Pride, I did a list of fics that were meaningful to me as a Queer person (just FYI - I identify as Bi and/or Queer. If reading the word Queer over and over is going to bother you, this post is not going to be for you). Last year, I did an inclusive list where I tried to find a fic to include every letter of LGBTQIA. But this year feels different, for a lot of reasons.
One is the ongoing homophobia and transphobia that the Queer community is facing, and very important to note, from J.K. Rowling in particular. A slew of new bills and laws that are designed to oppress, to eradicate, to force us back into closets, and to prevent anyone else from daring to leave the closet in the first place. Thankfully, in the US, they’re slowly being struck down but the heartache lingers.
Another reason this year feels different is because of some big changes in my personal life.
So, as I thought about how I wanted to celebrate Pride this month, I kept coming back to the thought of community. As lovely as fic recs are, and as much fun as I have writing them, it’s the community of creators and the friendships that I have found here that keep me involved in fandom.
As I was thinking about conversations that I’ve had about fandom friendships with @tackytigerfic and @babooshkart, I had the idea to reach out to them and other fandom friends to hear about their experiences and what keeps them in fandom. A beautiful thing happened — I asked one person to participate and they agreed, then recommended I ask another person. The next person also agreed, and had a suggestion of someone else I should ask. And on and on, until I was having lovely, in depth conversations with people I knew peripherally but hadn’t necessarily talked with before.
I first found fandom in 2013, through a chat room that has since been shut down. I was young, in college, reeling from a break up, and still trying to reconcile my conservative upbringing with these lovely, open, and accepting people that I’d found online who dared to be different and still so good in a way that I had never had the privilege of experiencing before. They answered my questions with patience, no matter how dumb or offensive they might’ve been, and were kind enough to ask gentle questions of their own.
Like so many others, I eventually realized I wasn’t as straight as my conservative, Christian upbringing would’ve liked me to believe.
It’s been ten years, and I still have friends that I regularly keep in contact with from that chat room. We’ve exchanged letters and cards, flown and driven across the country to hug each other, to go to each other’s weddings and stayed at each other’s houses. We don’t talk every single day like we used to, but I know that if I called them, they would answer and listen with every bit of love and patience that they gave me at the beginning. That means the world to me.
In those ten years, my circle of online friends has grown immensely. I love getting “Happy New Year!” messages all day from various time zones. I love that no matter what weird time of night I’m up, I’m never alone if I don’t want to be. I know the names of pets I will probably never meet and see dishes from kitchens around the world. All of these things bring joy into my life.
My partner and I moved across the country last year. It’s only a couple states difference on a map, but it’s 17 hours from my friends and family, and from the little in person Queer friend group that I had found. It’s a different culture, one that I’m still adapting to. We moved in early summer last year; my friends visited in June and we went to Pride events together, and I didn’t feel so alone. But now, a year later, it feels like forever since I’ve hugged them. It feels lonely sometimes, although I’m getting my feet under me again and finding different events to go to and organizations to join.
With all this real life change, fandom has been a lovely, stable rock in my life. No matter how godawful my day has been in my new job, I have online friends who cheer me up. I have people who message me and check on me, people who are excited to have those in depth, philosophical Queer conversations via discord messaging, even though we’re timezones apart and often messaging each other days later. These friendships have nourished my soul, sustained me, and I’m forever grateful for the way fandom has held its arms open for me.
So this Pride, instead of a themed rec list, I’m listening to and sharing other Queer creators about what fandom means to them. Stay tuned this week to see who else is sharing about what fandom means to them. We’re here, we’re Queer, and we’re supporting each other.
Much, much love,
The Drarry Librarian
#pride 2023#drarry librarian#the drarry librarian#pride in the library#drarry librarian and pride#fandom community
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Sorry if this is a little too vent-y for your blog’s tone and you honestly don’t have to answer it publicly if you’re not comfortable but… as a very active artist for a popular sapphic Ruby ships do you ever get tired of how popular that stupid “h*mophob*c Ruby” meme is?
Ik I shouldn’t take a stupid fandom meme that seriously and even actual Ruby fans use this damn joke, but I’m just so tired from my personal experience how so many people keep bringing it up like it’s a fact and they’ve constantly made it Ruby’s only defining personality trait (which literally isn’t canon).
Also call me biased or whatever but I also find it insulting to Ruby’s character like… I can’t speak like NND is factually canon but as someone who personally sees Penny and Ruby’s relationship as more than just friends it just sickens me even as a stupid fandom “joke” people would imply Ruby hates LGBT people so much she wouldn’t even have any feelings for Penny. Especially when even some of the RWBY cast and crew have admitted to being NND shippers
No problem !
Tbh (and as a lesbian myself), at first I found this meme funny because it was from the fandom and from queer people, and from people who knew this was a dumb joke and that Ruby wasn't really homophobic.
When it started to be annoying is when it got out from the fandom by people who stopped watching the show a long time ago (the traditional "RwbY waS bEtTer BEfiorE V3" bla bla bla people), or by people who never watched the show. And straight people lmao.
I think this is really sad and stupid a lot of people took this meme seriously and shared it so more people with idiot views would come and say the same things. I just thought it was funny with a handful part of the fandom, those who REALLY know what they're talking about.
But it's really hard to be able to deal with people who cause problems, so for those sharing stupid things I just block them. It doesn't solve the problem but at least it's out of my tl on social medias. There's a lot of people who love to say so much stuff about RWBY, at some point if you want to keep enjoying being in the fandom you have to block massively. It's the only way to protect yourself and your mind, and I have no regrets in blocking people because the option is here for that.
And I agree on the fact that this is stupid considering Penny was important to Ruby, and IS still important despite being gone. And I also completely agree on the fact that Ruby probably had feelings for her and never got the chance to understand them and to realize what she felt, this is THE tragic yuri ever I will never shut up about these two-- So yeah it's pretty dumb considering Ruby was lashing out because she bottled up, kept everything to herself for so long, she exploded to the people who had found happiness right in front of her. The relationship isn't the issue for Ruby here, it's the whole situation, her sister is able to be happy with Blake while Ruby falls more and more into despair and isn't able to protect anyone. It's such a complex mental state and difficult to read from someone who don't think that way (I do act like Ruby, working on it, so I understand what she feels). I think before laughing about dumb memes people should be able to understand the situation fully
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Honestly it may not be your intention or of other people in the conversation but some comments around the sqq light eyes post have really rubbed me off the wrong way. I'm saying this with all the respect in the world and acknowledging your post about how you don't condemn harassment, but even before with the curly haired binghe and overall in danmei fandom it feels overly judgey towards westerners. Like these physical characteristics being a result of "whitewashing" when there's examples of official art or asian artists (the ZeldaCW art you linked) being some of the earliest examples. Most of us don't know Chinese, many don't even speak english and have to rely on MTL. I really appreciate this work you're doing and going to the original source, but I'm not into the gatekeeping tone some people are taking. Like, AHA! I knew this and actually all the people who don't are stupid for regurgitating fanon like it's canon. I'll be honest, there's plenty of fanon I don't like nor agree with, and I also make dumb mistakes myself (it's me, I'm one of the people who'd forgotten the hand scar came from jin lan woops). Sorry if this is too long or overly rambly, also feel free to ignore it. I mostly wanted to share this as a PSA that tone matters, be kind to others, and that preserving canon is not justification to regard people who go with fanon with a high brow. Regards, a non white non asian ESL 3rd world country svsss fan that's been in the fandom for a couple years (I point that out because I've seen way too many times any criticism be attributed to butt hurt white americans).
Thank you for your message!
When I make my posts here, I try my best for a neutral, informative tone, but between neurodivergence and linguistic issues, I’m not always certain exactly how it comes across. Perhaps a bit too blunt, perhaps the academic or formal tone I often use may seem stuck-up… really, I don’t have the best sense of it, though I do try quite hard.
I want to provide information here. This is to provide information for a few types of people: those who wish to maintain canon accuracy, and those who wish to know where an idea might have originated whether or not they care about canon accuracy in their own works.
Some people will hold canon as the most important. Others don’t particularly care. Some prefer fanon. How one interacts with fandom is entirely their own decision. My blog here isn’t trying to tell people they’re wrong. Or tell people that I’m better than they are, or that those who didn’t know something was fanon, or who enjoy fanon, are stupid or otherwise less than those who follow canon.
Fandom is supposed to be fun. I do this because I like analyzing things. Because it might be nice to have a record of details to see where trends came from. Even some things, I haven’t been sure about myself until doing the research, and some I’ve been mistaken on too!
Things can get muddled up. Especially when the wiki is updated with fanon information. It’s not hard for something to be thought of as canon when it isn’t, especially if trying to quickly reference something without reading the book again. No one is better than anyone else for what they do and don’t know about a fictional book.
And when it comes to design choices, there’s no need to jump right to whitewashing. A knee-jerk reaction is common in fandom spaces to anything that may be “problematic,” but sometimes a design is just a design. I only went into more detail on the post regarding LBH’s hair texture because that’s something i have experience with, and it’s not something widely known about that there are differences.
At any rate, there’s no reason to be unkind to others. People should be having fun in fandom. Those who wish to stick to canon should respect those who don’t care to, even if it’s not for you.
My posts are not meant to create a moral judgement against anyone.
If you’re using it for anything but information, then you’re using it the wrong way.
I don’t have the best eye for tone, but I will continue to do my best to maintain neutrality, and informativeness. Everyone who makes conversation on my posts, just because you knew something and others didn’t doesn’t make you better than them. It just means you knew something. Just because you didn’t know something, that doesn’t make you worse— it just means you didn’t know.
Let’s not moralize this sort of thing.
Enjoy the novel, enjoy the adaptations and interpretations that you like.
#psa#answered#this also got rambling#really I try not to come off as high and mighty#aside from my intro post which was a joke and playing into peerless cucumber persona#but I don’t actually know if I do a good job at it#I also cannot fully tell if anon refers to my own posts or just to comments on the posts themselves#again I will continue to try my best#sometimes I am not the greatest about getting my intention across#be nice to each other#at the end of a day it’s a silly little novel#just have fun and don’t nitpick other people too much since their enjoyment doesn’t really have to do with yours
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He’s A Killer
Fandom: Haikyuu
Paring: Serial Killer!Bokuto X Fem!reader
Summary: It’s only when the killer has his blade to your throat and he's thrusting into you, moaning like this is the best fuck of his life that something dawns on you. This all feels so familiar This all feels like Bokuto . It is as if your boyfriend's been here the whole time.
Warnings: dark content, no beta, Minors DNI
Tags: Serial Kiler Au, college Au, non-con/dub-con, knife play, degradation, dirty talk, noncon/duncom
Word Count: 1.9
Your boyfriend is just too damn adorable and too much of a himbo that no one suspects him to be the ghost-faced killer stalking the campus. Bokuto’s got everyone fooled, even you. You, who lets him walk you home from your night class because he makes you feel safe. You who occasionally invites him inside when your parents aren't home and leads him up to your bedroom.
You don’t even see the red flags like the way he can be a little rough when the two of you have sex. He is sadistic really. But you don’t complain because you like it when Bokuto wraps his hand around your throat and gives you that devilish smirk he doesn’t give anyone else but you. It makes you feel special when he degrades you but calls you his. His cute little bitch, his tight hole, his love that he gets to use to heart's content. It's a complete 360 from the way he treats you any other time. Cupping your cheeks and smothering your face in kisses, getting that goofy smile when he sees you bundled up in one of his scarves or jackets. Holding your hand in his while you wait in line to get coffee or walk across campus in the early autumn morning to class. Or like now hugged close to his arm talking about how your day was as he walks you home. He could keep this act up for ages with you because a part of it wasn't acting.
Then you let it slip your parents weren’t going to be home this weekend. Your reassure him you’ll be fine though! The new security system daddy bought is top of the line. Bokuto knows exactly which one it is and how to disarm it. Making the fantasy he's had since the day he met you all the more tempting to make a reality.
The text you send him on date night, Friday night, is what tips him over the edge. Makes him decide to say fuck it to all the pretending. It was just ‘you don’t get to worry about condoms tonight 😉 this bitch has birth control! god, I've been wanting to tell you that all week, but I wanted to be a surprise!', but do you know how long he’s wanted to take you raw? Have you been trapped under his weight with nowhere to go? See the fat tears rolls down your cheeks as your eyes roll back from him being balls deep in you. To feel your walls, clench around his throbbing cock as he presses his blade just a little further into your soft skin. To hear you beg and babble for your life.
As you wait for the popcorn to be done you get a text from an unknown number. ‘You look so cute in those pjays tonight y/n’ that’s followed by a picture of you taken form just outside the kitchen window.
‘sooo defenses.’
Your mind kicks into panic mode. You swipe out of your massages with shaky fingers and to the alarm system app.
‘You think an alarm system is going to keep you safe?’ the text says at the top of your screen.
The light suddenly goes out and with it the alarm system.
‘let’s play a game of hide and seek. Rules are simple. If you win you live, but if I win you die and I’m taking that silk pajama set as a prize.’, The light flickered back in single that rather you like it or not this game has begun.
Bokuto just loves how fucking stupid you can be when you get panicked like this. The fear making you his dumb little bitch as you run though the house to hide. By the soft thuds of your feet, it sounds like you went to your parent's room. Then instead of, ya know, calling the police you text him.
'Bokuto please hurry.'
'what's a wrong babe?' he texts you as he stalks through the house.
'The killer, he's in the house.'
'What oh god, what happened to the security system?' he knows exactly what happened to it.
'I think the power was cut or something. It's back on but the killer's in the house. please hurry.'
'Call the police. I'll be there as soon as I can.'
'What if he hears me?'
Bokuto already does hear you. You've cornered yourself in your parents' walk in the closet trying so hard to contain your sniffling. What? Did you think that this wouldn't be one of the first places he would check?
"You must've really sucked at hiding and seek as a kid," The killer says, his voice muffled by the ghost face mask, as he flips on the closet light.
Everything seems to slow down as you watch as a pair of boots stops in front of your mother's fashionable trench coats. Gloved hands rip the coat apart and you scream.
Bokuto feels his cock stir at the sight. This is what he's been dreaming about. Tensed up in ball tying o push yourself further into the closet wall. Your eyes are wide and glossy. You bottom lip trebling like your abbot to cry. This, this, is what has him up late at night fucking his fist. The images of fear seizing your body and making your helpless makes him cum so hard into his hand that his back arches off the bed.
The killer takes you right there in the closet, just one of the places in your fancy house he plans on fucking you. Your survival instincts aren’t fully kicking on. A Firm and familiar grip pulls you by the ancle out of your hiding spot and cut off all that pretty silk in your boyfriend’s favorite color, he uses the same blade to tease your skin.
The masked man takes his time tracing patterns in your skin leaving little red scratches that will disappear in a matter of a few hours. That is if you make it that long. You will though. You will. Bokuto will come to save you any moment. He would. He will…
“Fuck, your pussy’s drooling for me. I never pegged to be into this kind fucked up stuff baby.”
And it’s what makes you feel so distraught because the feeling of his sharp knife and his gloved hands grouping your body made arousal swell between your legs. Only Bokuto was supposed to make you feel this. Where was he? Surely, he should be here by now? How long has it been since the killer found you? Had time ceased to exist in this closet?
It’s only when the killer has his blade to your throat and he's thrusting into you, moaning like this is the best fuck of his life that something dawns on you. This all feels so familiar This all feels like Bokuto It is as if your boyfriend's been here the whole time. No, nonono.
"B-Bokuto?" your voice cracks.
the makes man still his hips, halfway inside you. He tosses his knife aside. You watch it thump dully against the carpet. Was he done? Was it possible he wasn't going to hurt you? Mabey even leaves. Yes, he would leave and Bokuto would come and you would be proven wrong-
"What gave it away baby?"
Your head snaps back to see Bokuto peel off his mask and then toss it next to his knife. His hair is messy. A few starches sticking to his forehead with sweat. He stares down at you with something wicked and mean in his eyes. Fuck, he looks so unhinged. so good- oh god what was wrong with you? You're so fucked up to think that.
"Oh-shit!" Bokuto hisses feel your walls squeeze around him. "You- HA! you like this don't you?"
Bokuto thrusts back in making your whole-body bounce. While one hand grabs at your hip the other wraps around your throat just how you like.
"My little suck fuck likes it when I fuck her like this? fuuuuck, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this? How many times I've gotten myself to that look on your face. And now I get to fuck my little cum dump all night long like this!"
A sob of emotions bubbles past your lips. Shame, disgust, fear, euphoric pleasure, they're all flooding your senses. Bokuto continues humping into you. His face is so close that you can't look away. You can't stop the building heat either. You were really going to cum, weren’t you? How could you not cum when your boyfriend was making you feel so good.
"Oh, fuck baby, fuck. So good. So, fucking tight for me. Sucking and squeezing me like such a slut. Mmm~ my little slut."
Yes, yes, his little slut. You roll your hips, tiring to match his feral pace but failing, it doesn't matter though. It still feels so good. insanely good. You're losing your mind right now. That's the only way to explain why you're locking your ankles around his waist. Why are reaching up and digging use nails into his shoulders as your back arches off the floor. Babbling his name like he is your savior when he's anything but.
Bokuto moans are completely feral now, mixed in with bubbles of mad laughter. With that hand around your throat, you are forced to look him in the eye as he cums. With a snap his hips Bokuto burries himself deep inside you, enough so that you can’t the blunt head of his cock pierce your cervix, you can feel it twitch as he fills you with his seed.
"Kotaro," his name escapes your lips slurred and heavy with lust.
Your body reacts on its own and your mind is too muddled and distracted by your orgasm to tell it to stop trying to get close to the heat radiating from Bokuto's flushed body or strop bucking your hips milking his cock as you try to draw out your orgasm for as long as you can. Just like the desperate little slut he loves so much.
When your body flops back onto the carpet Bokuto removes his hand from your throat, letting you catch your breath. He stays on top of you, still inside you even as you can feel his dick going soft. He leans his head down to rest it against your shoulder. You can feel strong puffs of breath and small kisses against your collar bone.
Was this it? Was he going to kill you now? The knife was still so close by, either of you could grab it. Could you kill Bokuto though? Could he kill you? He was a killer after all, but he also genuinely loved you.
"Let's do it on your parent's bed next. Bet mommy and daddy wouldn’t be able to look you in the eye after they find the mess we leave behind." his voice cuts your thoughts short. He has that bright smile everyone loves as he pulls you to your feet and the two of you stumble over to the parent's king-size bed.
"wanna do I the roof." You mumble staring up at him again.
"What was that baby?
"I wanna do on the roof, under the stars,” If he wanted to fuck you on ever surface of the house you might as well include the roof, right?
Bokuto kisses your forehead. " Of course, baby. We go do it wherever you want," already pushing your knees into your chest.
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines#privet stacks#bokuto#bokuto imagine#bokuto x reader#haikyuu smut#bokuto smut
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hi :)
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I’m typing this all at like. Almost 11 at night so excuse me please if it’s at all rambling or weird idk. I just felt like since it’s been over a year since I genuinely posted anything I need to say some stuff about me just going ghost.
So hi :) to old and the somehow new followers I’ve accumulated. How are all of you? I missed you all and this account a lot and I feel really shitty just kind of abandoning it the way I did so I think it’s time I give some explanations? Or like… I don’t know, life updates? Which feels weird to say considering I’ve always been very anonymous on this account, which I will continue to do in this so. Please enjoy some basic info about my life
1) I graduated college :) Which I think was a huge part of why I had to abandon this account for a minute. Those of you who are unaware, I was a studio art major, and if you think that studio art is an “easy” major you’d be wrong! That shit kicked my ass like no other. “Art school” just used to be old rich dudes giving a little freak some money and told him to paint or sculpt some dicks and god do I wish that was how it still was. I had to like, come up with concepts and reason behind my work, and create a shit ton of it to. I put my entire soul into that shit, defend the hell out of it in critiques, and my final work means so much to me. If I wasn’t anonymous on here I’d without a doubt post it because. It truly feels like I ripped out my little dumb heart and put it on paper/canvas
But with that, I’ve had to become real adult :( I’m doing what I can to make money off my work (which is going better than imagined) while also doing some part time work. It’s great, but very tiring.
Also 2) (this part will be short I swear) I have a long term partner now. I won’t say exactly how long we’ve been together, but I do live with them. And as weird as it may sound, I’ve never told them about this account or my writing. They know I like kpop, but not this side of it. And I think part of me is still weighing my emotions towards writing smut about kpop idols while being in a committed/monogamous relationship. But I digress.
3) With how busy I became around the time that my posting schedule really took a hit, I’ve also just fallen away from kpop :/ I still listen to the music and watch music videos and stuff. But the fandom side and the non music related videos, I completely lost on that now. And I don’t like that. Being into kpop made me really happy and I liked watching boys be silly. But it just feels like I’ve missed so much now. I like a lot of groups, but more than anything, I miss nct so much :( I don’t even know what they’re really doing now. I know some of them will be entering the military soon so I feel like maybe the fandom will slow down, and as someone who used to run a 5sos account, I know what it’s like to just feel like a fandom is dying. And idk. I doubt kpop fandoms are like that but. Okay yeah now im rambling anyways!
This is all to say, I miss this part of my life a lot. Keeping up to date with music, watching funny videos of my boys, talking to you guys, and writing. I still have so many stories half finished. So many ideas that im just so disappointed didn’t see the light of day. Maybe I’ll get around to it again, but im not exactly sure if/when I’ll be in the headspace to write smut. Which I know, I can write without involving smut. But some of my ideas kind of needs it I think? And if im being honest, would anyone read my stuff if there wasn’t smut in it? Idk and I don’t know if I want to know.
Anyways if you’ve read this, thank you but like also. Im so sorry about how much there is lmao. If you want to send me a message please do. I don’t know if I’ll respond to what’s in my inbox now, since I just feel like I waited to long and I’d feel like a dick responding now. But I promise to keep an eye out. If you just want to say hi or just update me on what been going on in nct (please I want to get back into nct even if it’s not for my writing). If you have any questions for me I’m here :) and just as dumb as I was when I left. And I would recommend the inbox more than anything. I get really anxious with dms and I’m horrible about keeping conversations going there, so my inbox is really the best. I won’t promise I’ll get to it like, the second you send it, as, awhile ago I turned off my notifications for tumblr. 1) because sometimes the notifications were cringe lmao. Like I’m very liberal with who sees/handles my phone and some of those notifications were clearly for fanfiction and I don’t need to be exposed like that lmao. But also because I started getting very, very anxious about how many notes/likes a fic got and how quickly and it just was so bad for my mental health. But that’s not the point.
The point is, I’d love to hear from any of you guys again, be able to talk about kpop and just shoot the shit. Which if I’m not writing (for now, we’ll see about the future because those old ideas are still gnawing at my brain) I understand if the traction and interest in my account has worn off. But either way.
Hi :)
#putting this under a read more because it’s longer than I intended#and also some of you won’t care#and that’s okay#just needed to say some things :)#and uh if you see any typos umm no u didn’t#anyways <3
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Unconditionally: Joel Miller x OC { Part 1/10 }
Summary: Lucy loves Joel Miller unconditionally. A cross country trip to escort an immune, bad mouthed teenager to safety might just prove it.
CWs: canon typical violence / unsafe sex / age gap / language / spoilers (if anyone cares) / canon divergence / mentions of attempted sexual assault / themes of previous suicidal tendencies
Note: this work is intended for adult audiences only. It is not strictly canon compliant, and was originally posted to A03 when I first ventured into the fandom.
Unconditionally. Part One of Thirteen.
Joel doesn’t want to stay the night, not really. It feels too much like invading the peace, too much like an intrusion, even though Bill and Frank are dead. Maybe that’s precisely why it feels that way.
It feels too much like an intrusion, and he’s lost enough, as of late. He didn’t much like Bill, and he’s certain that feeling was mutual. Grudgingly, he admits he didn’t mind Frank so much. He was hard to dislike, even by someone as prickly as Joel. He can’t afford to get caught up in thinking on it, not too heavily. Even with Tess gone… he has two travelling companions still relying on him. One more than the other, he supposed, on account of Ellie being a goddamn kid. Lucy, not so much. The younger woman he met by chance in the QZ isn’t bad with a weapon, and she’s good at being stealthy. All good traits in a smuggler. He never wanted a fucking apprentice, or whatever the hell she started as, but when she found out he was leaving the QZ, she’d pretty much invited herself along to “watch his dumb ass”. He hadn’t exactly argued.
As requested in the letter, he doesn’t go into the bedroom. What he does do, before he showers, is take inventory of the gas canisters, the truck, the supplies in the garage. Only once he has an idea of what they’re working with, does he relent to Ellie’s nagging and hit the shower.
For a kid, she’s persistent.
It’s not his ideal scenario, to crash for the night in the bunker Bill installed beneath his house long before the infection ever started, but it soon becomes clear to him that it’s the scenario he gets.
Ellie’s rubbing her eyes, clearly exhausted but making a show of pretending she isn’t; even the hype of the handgun she pocketed earlier can’t fight off fatigue. Joel doesn’t know about the weapon, nor does Lucy, and in Ellie’s eyes, the adults guarding her don’t need to know. Not yet anyway.
Lucy doesn’t look much better; there’s only so far you can go on caffeine pills and pure adrenaline, and Joel fully expects her to crash at any moment. She’s currently examining the wall of guns along the far side of the bunker, occasionally pausing to check the security cameras.
“We may as well stay here for the night.” Joel offers, because he knows Lucy wants to ask, but won’t, and he’d rather she was sharp for the journey ahead.
“You sure?” She’s not questioning him, more making certain; she knows he’s not a huge fan of staying in one place for too long. Even though the compound is protected, it still feels too exposed. Too risky.
“May as well. We can get some sleep, load up the truck and be out of here by dawn.” He’s already taking a mental inventory of everything they’ll be taking with them.
“Right.” Lucy turns her attention back to the wall of guns, running her fingers over a few, occasionally taking one down to test the weight of it, to see how fast it reloads and cocks.
Ellie, meanwhile, busies herself opening a cardboard box stamped: US ARMY MRE RATION.
“Is this food?” She turns a vacuum sealed bag over in her hands, squinting at it.
Lucy looks over her shoulder, a rifle in her hands.
“Oh, yeah. That’s old shit, but it’ll survive anything. Whatcha got there?”
“Chilli.” Ellie reads the print on the package, “and something called a snack cake? The fuck is a snack cake?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. Probably an old Twinkie.” Lucy puts the rifle back and selects another, weighing it in her hands, checking the ammunition capacity. Satisfied, she raids the ammunition cabinet nearby then sets about repacking her backpack.
“It’s safe to eat, if that’s what you mean.” Joel reaches past Ellie to snag his own freeze dried food, unsealing the package to inspect the contents.
It’s not the best meal they’ve ever eaten, but it’s decidedly better than some of the worst, and certainly enough that each of the trio made room in their backpacks for a few of the rations. Better to have ancient, somewhat tasteless food, than no food at all.
“So we’re sleeping down here?” Ellie surveys the bunker in mild amusement. They’re all aware there’s a spare room upstairs and a couch, but it feels too exposed, and too much like squatting.
“May as well. You take the cot, Ellie.” Lucy nods to the camping cot tucked away against the wall, under a rolled sleeping mat and a small stack of blankets.
“Not gonna complain.” The teen shrugs, helps move the sleeping mat and most of the blankets off the cot, then drops herself down onto the surface, pausing only to take off her new hoodie.
Joel keeps his eyes on the security cameras as Lucy unrolls the sleeping mat; it’s relatively large, they can probably both squash onto it and have enough room, and a blanket each.
“Tonight only.” He warns both woman and girl, “don’t get comfortable.”
Lucy sticks her tongue out at him. She wants to argue with him, make a smartass comment about it being impossible to get comfortable on a thin ass sleeping mat in a bunker, but she knows the road ahead is likely to be unpleasant, far more uncomfortable than the current situation.
Joel rolls his eyes, watches as she unlaces her boots and leaves them to the side of the sleeping mat; if they were anywhere else, he knows that she wouldn’t have taken her shoes off at all. But if they’re compromised in the night? Best thing they can do is wait it out in the bunker. He’s not going to begrudge her taking off her shoes, not when he plans on doing the same.
He glances over to the cot, where Ellie’s already out like a light. He has to hand it to the kid, her ability to sleep wherever the fuck they land is somewhat impressive.
Another glance, to Lucy this time, then he returns to the security feed.
“We can swap out watching the monitors, if you wanna be sure.” Lucy unfolds a thin, itchy blanket, then another. Sighs. Wool isn’t what it used to be.
“Honestly there ain’t much point, but. I’m not the type to be a sitting duck. Not that we’ve got much choice.” Joel frowns, surveys the makeshift double bed Lucy’s put together. “I can sleep in the chair.”
“At your age?” Lucy’s mouth turns up into a smirk, the way it always does when she’s teasing. He can hear it in her voice, even when she turns away from him so she can crawl under the blanket, nose wrinkled with distaste at the fabric.
“Rude.” Joel replies without rancor; honestly, the chair looks uncomfortable as hell, more so than the camping mat, itchy blankets or no.
“Don’t argue with me,” Lucy says in response, “there’s room. Besides, these blankets fucking suck. We’ll freeze down here without each other.”
Her tone is playful, makes it clear she’s just messing with him. Sighing, he takes off his own shoes, leaves them on his side of the ‘bed’, then sets his handgun down beside them, within reach. He notices she’s done the same thing, has her pistol within reach, just in case. Her new rifle isn’t far off, either. He wants to think he’s taught her well, but honestly, Lucy was a survivor before he met her.
Joel turns out the fluorescent overhead lights, leaving the bunker illuminated only by a camping lantern next to the ‘bed’ and the security feed monitors.
He strips off his coat, folding it into a makeshift pillow, then slides under the blankets, immediately feeling the slight itch of old fabric mixed with the chill of the night coming.
“These blankets do suck.” He comments as he turns onto his side, facing her. He can look over her shoulder or prop himself up to check the monitors every now and then. He doesn’t think they’ll be disturbed, not really, not down here. It’s probably the only secure night of sleep they’ll get until they’re back in the QZ, or something similar.
“Told you.” Lucy huddles under them nonetheless; he supposes it is somewhat cold down here, and it’ll only get colder during the night. That, and she gave the best blanket to the kid. Of course she did.
He looks over her shoulder to check the monitors one last time before he turns his attention back to her; she’s trying not to shiver, even in the long pants - jeans - and shirt she’s wearing.
“Fuck sake, c’mere before you wake the kid with your chattering teeth.” Again, there’s no heat in his words as he opens his arms to her. Anyone else, it might feel weird or uncomfortable, but Lucy is just…. Lucy.
She doesn’t even hesitate, even though she might have normally done so. She’s too damn cold to care, and fully aware it’ll be a long night if they don’t warm up soon.
When she’s right against him, Joel pulls the two blankets over the pair of them, adding an extra layer to her before wrapping his arms around her, rubbing his hands up her back to generate heat.
“How are you always a goddamn furnace?” It comes out muffled, on account of her face being buried in the crook of his shoulder, cheek resting on his collarbone.
“Luck of the draw.”
“Very funny.”
He can feel the curve of her smile against his neck, though, so he knows he hasn’t actually annoyed her with his sarcasm.
“Warming up?” He doesn’t want to push her away, not really. They’ve shared a bed - or a makeshift one - plenty of times, when the situation has called for it. There’s never been anything strange about it, not really, and if there’s an unspoken tension? Well, that’s not his problem. Or so he tells himself.
“Little bit.” Her lips graze his throat when she speaks, but she’s not so tense now; clearly she’s warming up, feeling more at ease than she was before.
“Good. Can’t have you come all this way just to lose you to frostbite.”
“I don’t think it’s cold en- oh.” She huffs, realising too late he was making another joke, albeit in that dry way of his.
A low chuckle escapes his throat, not laughing at her; at least, not in a mocking way, more just amused by her embarrassment and the little huff she made.
“Just tell me if you’re still cold.”
“A little,” she admits, “but I’ll take being a little cold as a fair trade for a single night of sleeping in relative comfort and safety.”
She said relative, so he doesn’t argue with her, just keeps running his hands up and down her back.
“We’ll find somewhere safe enough in Wyoming. After.” Joel says instead. He doesn’t add the unspoken rest: after they find his brother. After they find someone who can take Ellie in. Lucy understands; there are too many variables, too many things that could go wrong.
“Go back to being FEDRA slaves?” She suggests.
“If that’s what it takes to be safe, sure.”
He can’t see her roll her eyes in the dimmed light, not really, but he can almost hear her doing it.
“Safe.” She mutters, “as if that’s a reality.”
Joel hums agreement, adjusts his arm around her, tucks the blankets a little tighter around her shoulders.
They lay in silence for a few minutes, Joel watching the monitors, thinking she must have drifted off to sleep, when her soft voice breaks the near silence.
“Thank you.”
“For what? Keeping you warm?” He isn’t too sure what precisely she’s thanking him for.
“Keeping me around. Keeping me safe as best you can. I know I get on your last nerve, but I really do appreciate you.”
He can feel the heat of her breath on his skin as she speaks, hushed words into his good ear, not wanting to disturb Ellie.
“You don’t get on my last nerve.” He says finally, “and you don’t have to thank me. You watch my ass, I watch yours. It’s a good partnership.”
He can feel her smiling again.
“No longer a padawan, huh?”
It’s his turn to smile, a rarity for him.
“Those movies are older than both of us. How do you even know that phrase?”
“Keeper of my secrets, I am. Never know everything, will you.” Lucy responds, mimicking Yoda in a whisper.
Joel has to turn his face into her hair to muffle his own laugh, instead getting a good inhale of whatever shampoo she pilfered from the shower earlier. Something floral.
“Nerd.”
“I miss pop culture.” Lucy half shrugs, dislodging the blanket, then shivers and tucks herself further under his arm, pausing only to peek over at Ellie, who’s still a steadily breathing shape under her own blanket, probably a great deal warmer for not being practically on the concrete floor. Lucky kid.
“I miss good music and decent coffee.” Joel readjusts the blanket again, tucks the edges down around her shoulder to keep the chill out.
He misses about fifty other things, some things far more painful to talk about than others; he’s barely been able to talk about Sarah with her. He doesn’t know if he ever will. But he doesn’t want to ruin the good feeling between them by being a downer, even if he thinks she’ll understand, so he keeps it light.
“Gas station coffee was never decent.” Lucy counters, “but I get you.”
“Yeah? You were a Frappuccino girl, huh?”
“Latte.” She informs him, “with a flavour syrup.”
Joel snorts in spite of himself.
“And here I am giving you the shittiest black coffee in the history of shitty instant coffee.”
“That means we have access to it, so I’ll take it.” Her tone makes it plain she doesn’t mind, not really. Her preference might have once been for sweet coffees with lots of almond milk, but these days, she’ll take whatever caffeine she can find. Especially when it means he’s sharing his limited supply with her.
“You’re too kind.”
She’s laughing again, soft sounds muffled in his shoulder, but at least she’s no longer shivering.
“If you say so.” She says finally, hands flat against his chest, keeping herself as close as possible, trying to conserve heat. “I guess I should move, huh? I’m not about to freeze on you anymore, so.”
He doesn’t want her to move. Even the four or five inches they’d have between them if she did suddenly feels like too far.
“Only if you want to.” He says finally, “I don’t want you to just freeze again. I’m comfortable like this, if you are.”
Lucy shrugs against him.
“I’m not opposed to this.”
If there’s more she isn’t saying, that’s her business. Joel doesn’t pry, because quite frankly he’s not sure he wants to go down that path. Not because he finds her unappealing, but because letting someone close could have dire consequences.
So he just hums agreement, rests his chin on top of her head. Almost expects that to be the end of it, until -
“Not opposed to it, or okay with it?” He speaks before he can think it through, and he knows it. Wants to take it back almost right away, because this is precisely down the path he wanted to avoid. Apparently not. Again, he’s not blind to the tension between them, but he isn’t truly sure he wants to allow someone to get close to him. Not after so many losses.
“What a leading question.” Lucy tilts her head against his shoulder.
“That’s not an answer.” If he’s going to walk this path, he may as well walk it properly. Or maybe she’ll save them both the awkwardness and just go to sleep.
“Do I really need to answer it? Spell it out for you?” She laughs softly, “I’m comfortable here. I feel safe here, with you.”
“Nowhere’s safe, Lu. You said it yourself.” Joel feels like a dick the moment he says it, but he’s trying to keep it light, almost afraid to let this go any further, even if he wants it to.
“I know that. What I mean is this. Lying here like this. It feels nice.” She knows she’s doing a terrible job at explaining herself, but he’s caught her off guard.
“Yeah. I get you.” He admits, because he’s not so much of a jerk that he’ll let her confess that and not be honest in return.
“I know you do.” She adjusts herself, fingers playing idly with the fabric of his shirt. “Get me, I mean.”
It takes him a moment to formulate a response; he’s almost ashamed of how distracted her touch makes him, as though he hadn’t been running his hands up and down her back a short while ago. As though he hadn’t been distracting her just as much, even if he doesn’t know it.
“Be a shit team if I didn’t, huh?” His hand moves to briefly cover hers, planning on giving it a light squeeze of reassurance before letting go.
Lucy has other plans, flipping her hand over and interlocking her fingers with his, surprising both of them.
“What are you doing?” He asks, truly surprised by her touch.
“Tell me to stop, and I will.” There’s a quiet determination in her voice, something he’s heard only hints of before. Not like this.
“I’m not gonna tell you to stop.” Joel says finally, “Hell, I got you wrapped up against me. How’s it any different?”
He’s being deliberately vague, toying with her. He doesn’t mean to, but he’s curious how far she’ll push it. He’s almost glad she’s making the first steps.
“To keep warm.” She reminds him, “that’s why I said… tell me to stop if you want me to.”
“I don’t want you to stop, honestly. This is nice.”
He means that; it’s been far too damn long since he held anyone like this, let alone had someone hold his hand the way she’s holding him, her smaller thumb tracing over his, rubbing little circles. It’s soothing, and quite frankly probably the only tiny piece of serenity they’ll get for a while.
“I’m glad.” There’s a sheer honesty in her voice, even with it pitched so low, so as not to wake Ellie.
He sighs, weighing his options in his head, fighting a losing battle with himself if he’s honest. Maybe it’s strange to even be considering any sort of romantic entanglement when laying in the basement of someone else’s house, when that someone else is dead in the bedroom the floor above. But somehow, Joel thinks, Bill and Frank would understand. Here, in this house, where their story began and ultimately ended… why shouldn’t it be the place something else starts too?
“Hey, you okay in there?” Lucy tilts her head up to look at him, eyes searching his face, trying to figure out what he’s thinking.
“Yeah. Just thinking.”
“Escape route?” She’s only half joking, so used to him constantly being wired, attuned to their surroundings.
“Not quite.”
“Then what? Is everything alright?” Truly she sounds concerned, which in itself is touching. Maybe it once annoyed him that she gave a shit, but now? It’s grown on him.
“Everything’s fine. Honestly.”
She’s still looking at him like she doesn’t quite believe him, like she’s trying to work him out. Fuck it. Why shouldn’t this be the place something else begins too? Isn’t that what they’d have wanted? Isn’t that why Bill left him an entire goddamn arsenal? To protect those he cares about? So maybe that’s a foul mouthed teenager and a woman he used to help scavenge black market medicine with. Better than the alternative. Better than the aching emptiness of being alone.
Lucy’s still looking at him, lips slightly parted.
“Ah, what the hell.” Joel mutters, and tilts his head down so he can connect his mouth with hers.
It’s not the perfect moment to kiss her, not really. They’re barely above freezing cold in the basement of their dead friends’ house, with their antsy charge asleep twelve feet away, but it feels right nonetheless, and hell, it may be the only chance he gets.
Seize the fucking day, or whatever whoever said that shit said.
He’s almost surprised by how soft her mouth is; honestly, in a world without makeup, or very little of it, he knows her singular concession to vanity is chapstick, if she can find it. She doesn’t waste her time trying to find box dye or eyeliner or anything else that she once used daily, lets her hair be streaked with silver in places without shame or concern. She wears practical clothes to keep herself comfortable and protected, usually keeps her hair tied back for safety. And yet somehow, somehow, she has the softest goddamn mouth he’s ever kissed.
She half pulls away, just for a second, her eyes searching his once more. She must have found some sort of answer in his gaze, because she doesn’t hesitate to lean back in to initiate another kiss.
Lucy’s younger than him, it’s true, but not by so much that she’s inexperienced; that much is clear by their second kiss, by the way her teeth nip gently at his bottom lip, almost demanding better access to his mouth. He doesn’t remotely hesitate to let her, lips parting, letting their tongues entwine as he pulls her tighter against his chest, holding her there for a moment before he rolls them, carefully, propping himself up on one elbow so he’s not putting his entire weight on top of her.
She breaks the kiss once more, glances over to the other occupant of the room. Joel looks too. Still dead asleep.
“We’ll have to be quiet.” He breathes into her ear, dropping a kiss below her jaw. “Can you do that?”
A little smirk is her first answer.
“I’m sure I can.” She hums, undoes the top button of his new borrowed shirt so she can lean up and drop a kiss to his collarbone.
Once, she might have bitten, left a little mark, but since the outbreak, biting one another has sort of lost any amorous appeal. Thanks, cordyceps.
Still, the kiss there is intimate enough, considering. He doesn’t stop her, lets her hands wander down his chest, settling there for a moment before they slide under his shirt, fingertips tracing every old scar she can find, like she’s committing every inch of him to memory.
His hand - the one that isn’t occupied propping himself up, slides along her side, thumb rubbing circles on her hip. It’s the most he’s touched another person in months. Years, maybe. He can’t say he dislikes it; it’s unfamiliar, sure, to be touching another person in a caring and intimate way, but he’s certainly not opposed to it at all.
“Joel…”
He’s not entirely sure, but it almost sounds like a plea. One he’s more than happy to answer, letting his hand drift to the button of her jeans. He’s gotta admit, he’s glad he can get them undone with one hand, not wanting to appear as out of practise as he realistically is.
Her hands slide out of his shirt to help tug her jeans down, not fully off, but out of the way. Neither of them are stupid enough to undress fully, not in their surroundings. They’ll make do, and Lucy does, shaking one foot loose from her pants, keeping them looped around her other ankle. Their shirts can stay on, not wanting to waste time or expose themselves too fully.
As her hands move again, he leans down into another kiss; it’s his turn to nip at her lips this time, leaning right into her as she gets his jeans undone. It only takes her a moment, considering she has both her hands to work with.
Speaking of hands. He has one free, and he decides to make use of it, rubbing his fingers across her hips, now bare to him, just watching how she responds to each little touch. He doesn’t get much time to observe her, though; she seems far more interested in kissing him, which is fine, it’ll at least keep her relatively quiet as things progress. It’s a shame; honestly, he almost wishes they were back in his apartment in the QZ, or hers, somewhere where he could coax all sorts of interesting sounds out of her and not care about the volume. But things have changed, and they’re here now, and that necessitates they be as quick and quiet as possible.
It’s almost disappointing. He would have liked to take his time, but well. He’ll take the situation as it is. His fingers move inwards, across her thigh, slowly, teasing her, their lips still locked together, her tongue teasing at his bottom lip between kisses.
He can tease right back, letting his fingers slide between her thighs, pausing just before he reaches his target to break their kiss.
“Remember what I said about quiet.” He warns, a gentle reminder whispered into her ear. She hums her assent, her fingers carding through his silver streaked hair, as though she can’t get enough of just simply touching him.
He understands the feeling, truly, but he has other plans, beyond touching her hair. His fingers trail along her inner thigh, amused to find her already soaked and waiting for him. Amused, yes, but aroused, too; his thumb finds the little bundle of nerves at the apex of her core, rubs it slowly, watches her eyes widen, her teeth sink into her lip to keep herself from making a sound.
He finds himself smirking, just a little, rubbing slow little circles on her sensitive skin, fingers skimming across wetness, spreading it, coating his fingertips in it.
Her lips part in a silent gasp as he slowly slides two fingers inside her, giving her a warning look as he curls them, buried to the knuckle inside her soaked heat. He can feel himself aching against the fabric of his jeans; even unbuttoned, he feels constricted, a dull aching need throbbing in him.
“Been thinking about this for a while,” he admits, voice still low and sensual in her ear, “maybe not in this setting, but I’ll take it.”
He keeps slowly moving his fingers, pumping them in and out, agonisingly slow, wanting to watch her reaction, wanting her to beg him for more. He knows her well, knows her better than he’d like to admit, and he knows damn well she’ll crumble eventually.
It comes sooner than he expected; he can feel her tensing up, her back arched up, her chest pressing flush against his, her entire body trembling. And somehow, somehow, she manages to stay almost completely silent, burying her face in his chest to muffle the tiniest of whimpers that fall past her parted lips.
“That’s it, baby,” he murmurs, pulling his fingers out of her slowly, “just ride it out. You’re okay. I got you.”
Her whimpers fade as she recovers, lies back, gazes at him with half-shut, adoring eyes. Fuck, why has he never done this before? All this time…
He wipes his soaked fingers on his pants, pausing just a moment before he moves the offending fabric out the way, tugging them down slightly, freeing himself. He damn near sighs himself when her hand wraps around his length, stroking slowly, her thumb caressing the tip of him.
“I want you so bad,” she whispers, leaning up to kiss him softly, “you have no idea…”
He laughs, a quietly amused chuckle.
“I’m getting an idea, darling. Don’t worry. It’s nowhere near as much as I’ve wanted you.”
It feels wrong, in a way, how long he’s wanted her, since the first time they ventured out of the QZ together, since she proved herself a capable survivor, since she back talked him and brought a smile to his face.
Her impossibly soft mouth curves into a smile.
“Then take me,” she whispers against his lips, “I’m yours, Joel. All yours.”
As she speaks, her hand tightens slightly around him, guiding him between her legs, rubbing the head of his length against her dripping sex.
“Mine.” He repeats softly, before he sinks into her, slowly, inch by inch. He has the foresight to cover her mouth with his, to muffle the soft moan that falls from her lips.
Fuck, she feels so good. So warm and tight around him, her velvet walls tightening and pulsing as he buries himself to the hilt.
Her fingers ball into the flannel of his shirt as she returns his eager, desperate kiss, wrapping her freed leg around his waist loosely.
He breaks the kiss, takes a breath, before he slowly starts to move. Her head falls back against the sleeping mat, eyes half closed as her leg tightens around his waist, drawing him in deeper. In spite of himself, a low groan tears from his chest.
“Careful there, baby girl,” he murmurs, “careful.”
He’s warning himself as much as he is her, reminding himself to keep his head as best he can. It’s difficult, so difficult, when her fingers are curled in his shirt, when she’s so tight and wet around him, when her breathing is becoming more and more frantic as he starts to move again.
Lucy leans up to pull him against her, her lips brushing his throat.
“Joel…”
He understands what she’s asking, without her having to say it; he picks up the pace, lets his hips rock against hers a little harder, a little faster. He has to bury his face in her shoulder to muffle his own sounds; it’s been so long since he was intimate with someone, and she’s so desperate for him, one of her hands leaving his shirt to tangle in salt and pepper curls.
They’re both being pushed to the limit, trying to keep as silent as possible, not wanting to wake Ellie, trying to keep their noise as low as they possibly can, quieter than the low hum of the generator Bill kept down here, just in case, always switched on and wired to the security system.
“You feel so good,” Lucy whispers, lifts her leg slightly higher around his waist, wraps it tighter, keeping him buried inside her. Her voice shakes as she whispers it, as he keeps up the deep, steady thrusts, in and out of her.
“Mm, you have no idea, baby girl. No idea how good you feel. How are you so fucking wet?” He can’t help the low moan that he lets out into her ear as his hips steadily collide with hers, harder and faster, chasing both of their release.
She can’t answer, not a full word, only tiny whimpers as she clings to him, raking her fingers through his hair. She can’t get enough of touching him, of feeling him close to her, the scratch of his beard on the skin of her throat.
“So close…” she whispers, back arched up against him, “don’t stop…”
“Not a chance, baby girl. Not a chance.” He murmurs, picking up his pace once again. Chances are he’ll feel this in his lower back and his hips tomorrow, but he’s beyond caring. All that matters is her, and the pleasure building between them, and her soft, soft mouth, kissing at every inch of him she can reach.
His mouth finds hers, captures it in a deep kiss, letting his tongue sweep her mouth as she clings to him, feels her tighten around him, feels her entire body tremble as he brings her to a steady climax, feels her soak every inch of his length as he buries himself to the very hilt inside her. Her moans and whimpers of pure pleasure are muffled by their kiss, her hand tightening in his hair for the briefest moment before she goes limp, lets her hand fall from his hair, caressing his face gently before her hand falls.
“I know baby, I know. Let go for me,” he murmurs, presses a kiss to her forehead, “that’s it, darling, breathe through it…”
She whimpers again, links her fingers with his.
Regrettably, Joel realises he can’t hold back much longer, not with how tight she is, the fluttering of her around him. His mind is hazy with pleasure, becoming more and more clouded with each snap of his hips.
He presses deep one final time, rolls his hips into hers slowly, before he reluctantly pulls out of her warm heat, spilling his release onto her stomach with a low groan against her lips.
The temptation to finish inside her had been overwhelming, but he wasn’t about to risk any complications. Not in this world.
Joel rests his forehead against hers, breathing heavily. Lucy glances over to ensure they’re still as alone as they can be, before she exhales, sighs, looks down at their joined hands and smiles weakly.
“That’s it,” he sighs, “fuck…”
He’s most certainly going to feel this in the morning, but he’s in no rush to roll away from her; he moves so he’s no longer on top of her, tucks himself back into his jeans and gives her a moment to pull her own pants back on. Once she’s redressed, he pulls her right back into his arms, inhaling the scent of her hair, their mingled sweat.
“You alright there, old timer?” She whispers, pure tease and thinly veiled adoration.
Joel huffs.
“This old timer just made you come so hard you went limp. Smartass.” He kisses her forehead and she giggles softly.
“Yeah, but I’m your smartass.” Her fingers trace the lines of his face, committing every little wrinkle and detail to memory. Just in case.
“True enough,” he agrees, pulling her closer against his chest.
Joel isn’t one to half ass things; he’s a stoic bastard at times, sure, but he’s protective as hell when he cares, and hell, he cares about her. He wasn’t kidding when he said she was his, and they both know it.
“Joel?” There’s a hesitation in her voice as she says his name. It’s a harsh contrast to the soft, adoring reverence with which she spoke minutes before.
“Yeah?”
“Are you gonna pretend this never happened in the morning?” There’s a raw fear in the way she asks it, the way she doesn’t sugarcoat it or dress it up. He likes that about her. That she’s brutally honest.
“No.” He says finally, “there’s no going back. I’m not gonna shut you out like that. It’s… not easy for me. You know that. But … for you? I’ll try.”
“I know it’s not easy.” She agrees, fingertips tracing in his hair, her other hand splayed on his chest, “I just… that’s all I want. For you to try. I just want you.”
“I know. Don’t worry, baby girl. You’ve got me.” He presses a soft kiss to her lips before he kisses her forehead once more.
He’s a lot of things, but he’s not a liar. Not to her. Never to her.
She hums happy agreement, “You know you’ve got me. Til the very end.”
“I know.” He assures her, shifts the blankets tighter around them. “Try get some sleep, darling. I’ll be here when you wake up. Then we can hit the road.”
“Hmm,” she sighs, nuzzles her face into his shoulder. “You should get some sleep too.”
“I plan on it. Someone tired me out.” He chuckles, surprised at his own good mood, in spite of everything he’s lost recently.
“Your own fault.” Lucy replies, her voice heavy with sleepiness as she settles against him.
Try as he might to fight his own fatigue, he can feel it overwhelming him. He’s exhausted, warm and comfortable, and the weight of her in his arms is so goddamn inviting.
“Not a fault.” He mumbles, but she’s already asleep, unable to answer him.
———
Morning dawns, but Joel is awake long before he originally planned to be. He wants to take an inventory of supplies, pack up Bill’s truck, and hit the road, but first he wants to allow himself a moment.
It’s been so long since he simply lay in a bed with someone, let alone allowed himself to hold someone in such an intimate way.
Lucy’s still asleep, her head tucked on his shoulder, arm draped over him, legs tangled with his. They’ve shared a bed before, but only for necessity. Never have they allowed themselves to become intimate before, and now…
If he thought he was protective of her before, it’s nothing compared to the dull ache in his chest whenever he looks down at her now, taking in every detail of her sleeping face.
“I’m yours,” she had said, “all yours.”
There had been so much longing in her voice, going beyond lust and physical need. He doesn’t think he deserves it, and yet. And yet he isn’t going to refuse her. Not when he so desperately, deeply, needs her to be his.
He sighs. Presses a kiss to her forehead, untangles himself from her just as she stirs.
“Time to get going?” She asks, her voice thick and heavy with sleep.
“Yeah. Time to pack up and move on.” He almost wishes they could stay in this stupid bunker for a little longer, but that’s not their path. Wyoming calls. His brother waits.
Lucy doesn’t argue, just sits herself up, untangles her hair, braids it back and slips her boots on.
“I’ll pack up some supplies from down here.” She offers. He likes that about her; she asked him for reassurance before they slept, but she’s not about to ask for it every five minutes. They both know everything’s changed between them now, but simultaneously, nothing has. All they’ve really done is act on what was already there.
“Great idea. Some rations, some ammo. Whatever you think we need.” Joel shoves his own shoes on, surveys the monitors for a moment. All quiet.
“I’ll get Ellie ready, too.”
“I’ll fuel up the truck, pack a few things. Come on up when you’re ready.” Almost without thinking, he drops a kiss to her lips on his way past, climbs the ladder, pushes the bunker door open, and disappears into the morning light.
Lucy stares after him for a moment before she’s interrupted by a soft snicker. Turning, she finds Ellie sitting up and staring at her, grinning.
“What?”
“I fuckin’ knew you two were a thing.” Ellie shrugs, unravels herself from her blanket and tosses her jacket over her shoulders.
“Wh-?” Lucy doesn’t even try to deny it.
“I saw that. And I see the way you two look at each other. It’s gross. You’re both old.” Ellie makes a face as she starts to pack MRE rations into her backpack.
“I’m not that old!” Lucy protests, somewhat lamely.
“Not as old as Joel, that’s for sure.” Ellie smirks, then laughs when Lucy opens her mouth. “I’m just fucking with you. I don’t care. Maybe it’ll get him to stop being such a stone cold asshole.”
Lucy laughs in spite of herself, stocks her own backpack with another box of ammunition for her new rifle and her handgun, before shoving a few rations of her own on top.
“Not gonna argue there,” she agrees, “c‘mon. He’s fuelling up so we can leave. Let’s go.”
“Back to the road. Yay.” Ellie sticks her tongue out, takes one last look around the bunker, then heads for the ladder.
Lucy follows her, taking one last look at the rumpled sleeping mat on the floor, a small smile crossing her face.
She’s not sure where they’ll go from here, but it doesn’t matter. She has Joel, and he has her, and that’s all that matters right now.
#my writing#rue unconditionally#pedro pascal#joel miller#the last of us#joel miller x oc#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller smut#joel miller fic#pedro pascal character fic#pedro pascal characters#tagged: jocy
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I wanted to believe that this whole JK/scooter/hype was just a project to justify hype America but after this jk brand thing I don’t think so anymore, or at least that’s not the only reason. They definitely want to focus on jk and jk alone while letting the members do whatever they want without actual support or a serious push. He is being separated from the group and promoted as a brand of his own and idk how i feel about that. I feel like most of the fandom don’t see what’s going on and just going with whatever hype is doing. How are the members ok with everything that’s been happening so far? How’s the fandom not seeing the clear agenda of hype since the beginning of this year? The way hype is moving I don’t see BTS actually getting back together, we might get a reunion song but that’s about it. What do you think?
I can't really tell if you're a fan of the group, if that's an actual interest of yours of what might happen two or three years from now, but what would you want me to say?
I for one can't be bothered with thoughts of BTS reunion because I have no interest in that. I'm indifferent. And I certainly don't care about the fandom and they see the situation. I think they're not dumb and everyone takes from this what is more (in)convenient for them. And once again, because I've specifically talked about this before, every single thing that the company announces about JK's career is to be expected and coming out with the brand falls into that. Make peace with it because there's nothing your or anyone can do about a strategic career move that has been planned thoroughly in the last year. And in that vein, I don't get this doomed perspective, almost as if everyone else is kicked completely to the curb. That's not going to happen.
As far as I'm concerned, they can give Jungkook the moon. I don't have a problem with opportunities offered, but with the nature of it and music quality. But, and here is where I'm completely firm in my opinion, as long as Jimin gets what he needs and wants. I don't want Jimin to receive the same things as Jungkook. I don't need him to check out his album at Barnes & Nobles, getting advices from Scooter Braun or getting offered AI-quality songs. No, I want him to be able to fulfill his vision and I want the company he is signed under to not put stops into achieving that.
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Bless you for compiling what’s going on with that ex-bird app. It’s been genuinely insightful for me to understand the thoughts of the kinds of people behind those accounts.
That person trying to cancel creators for associating with Forever (and probably advocating for his lore to be excised from the server) saying “but I can’t possibly give up guapoduo, it’s My Hyperfixation” is very telling. Hypocrisy specifically in the context of “separating the art from the artist” isn’t something I’ve seen before, shockingly, so I guess I get to add that to my Social Media Discourse Bingo. (I had an online friend in 2016 who I was terrified to talk about my interests with because I didn’t know what angry punk teenagers on tumblr had deemed “evil and disgusting”, and even SHE stopped listening to some of her favorite metal bands when she learned they were homophobic, and had absolute turmoil when she learned that David Bowie might have allegedly slept with an underage groupie in the 70s. Her constant, unpredictable rage at seemingly random pieces of media was awful for my mental health, but at least she wasn’t a genuine hypocrite.)
Also that tone of “I’ve had good memories here… but I just can’t handle it anymore.” It sounds like someone whose meaningful but soul-crushing work has finally broken them, almost sounding like someone I knew at the frontline worker job I had mid-pandemic who missed her own birthday three years in a row, got repetitive stress injuries, and then got passed over for a promotion that was given to someone who did a fraction of the work. But the “God willing, I’ll never come back” was followed by “I’m 13” …damn, I got whiplash so hard that I astral projected into a universe where things made sense for a second. Because of course kids don’t have a complex view of other countries’ political systems or cultural pressures. Or the nuances of personal change and redemption. Or that sometimes people are just not online for a few days. And of course a 13-year-old doesn’t understand how dumb and petty they look by trying to ruin other peoples’ careers in the name of Activism (tm) while having a fandom portmanteau username.
“I didn’t want it to come to this but… I’m going to delete twitter!” I hope so, but more for their own sake, honestly. I actually have less anger towards most of them now. Many are kids with a false sense of grandiosity that makes them believe they are the ultimate moral authority, but have very little understanding of how messy people or societies can be. I just hope they can learn one day, and look back on who they are now and cringe. (And then many years after that, have the grace to forgive themselves.)
Oof, sorry for the wall of text.
I’m still not over the whole situation with Forever. I miss his energy, and his accent, and his silly bits with Richas that always dragged on too long, and N.I.N.H.O. (and everything it represented), and how different he and Cellbit are but how they understood each other WAY too well, and how he tried to make people who didn’t log onto the server as often still feel welcome and wanted, and how happy he got when anyone non-Brazilian even tried to speak a little bit of Portuguese. (I was learning, but I’ve barely touched it since.) I won’t lie, it’s affected me far more than I thought it would.
I miss Forever. Thank you for your blog being a little space where that’s okay.
I'm honestly a little worried for the kid (s), not in a "oh I just want the best for" fake bs way just a little concerned tbh. I still don't like them but I don't hate them either, they're a kid.
But at the same time I'm worried for their well being, they have like 5,000 follower on their main Twitter and 28 on curious cat (which is apprantly high for that app )
That's 5000 people (teens or not) waiting for you to tell them how to feel that can't be good for their mental state, not for a 13 yr old kid.
Most of their life was spent learning about the world and their still learning, these are the ages where you're worried about the sun blowing up.
You haven't seen how awful the world can be yet, You haven't seen how much worst it could get you haven't learned calculus yet!
To you the world is only these 13 years and you think if you don't act now everything will be over.
I get it, I had that fear too, most people grown into it and realize just how shitty it can get an settle in choosing their own battles and not letting It consume them, because no one had time for that anymore.
You want to experience the most out of live while you can and the older you get the easier it is to balance.
To me it looks like one of those situation where you'll look back and think "I wish I enojyed my childhood."
Because 5000 people waiting for you to tell them who to bash, 28 people prasing your while admitting they use to hate you.
It can't be good. And if they were to read this they'd probably say "oh you don't actually care you just want to shit on me."
And like, yeah I don't care, but am I saying all this because I want to shit on them? no I'm just pointing out concerns.
Apart from that I fully agree with anon.
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Remember how people keep saying that it’s Elriels who are most toxic and treat others horribly? Yeah well my friend was in a small Elriel Facebook group that recently had someone leak screenshots of discussions to Gw*nriels which led to said Gw*nriels DM-ing nasty messages to members of the FB group and mocking them on other ACOTAR FB pages. The person was found out and kicked out, but apparently they were an artist who claimed to not have any shipping preferences. I just need to vent on how frustrating this is. I don’t understand why anyone would stoop to such low, pathetic levels and thereby destroy a safe space for people to talk about their ship. How is anyone supposed to feel safe sharing anything there anymore? We already know the other side threatened to doxx Elriels and had a whole list of people. And then we have to continue to hear people say that it’s Elriels who are creating a toxic environment when there are people purposely infiltrating our spaces to take ss and share with others? This fandom sucks.
It's a vicious fandom. Having been in it for a long time, I suppose things don't even faze me, when they really should. I mean, I've had whole blogs created just to piss on me, my posts, and everything else. It's absolutely ridiculous, but you got to do your best to protect your mental well-being. You also have to be careful who you allow in private spaces. People have to be vetted and vetted and vetted again. Unfortunately, I've seen this before--people entering Elriel spaces under false pretenses and then disclosing private information about others. Messages, profiles, discussions. It's gross and people who do that repugnant, because they were trusted by others, and they broke that trust--that PERSONAL trust--over a dumb ship.
Ultimately, i think it would serve everyone well not to get into pointless fights and determine for themselves whether it's worth to stay in the fandom. I know many, many people who unfortunately left, because they couldn't handle the negativity. I--personally--don't particularly care because i am not easily rattled. But when someone technically betrays your trust it always hurts the most.
Going forward, all you can do is get up, dust off, be vigilant, and decide whether you want to stay or if this isn't for you.
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I don’t know if you want to post this long explanation and train of thought, but thought it might be worth sending my thoughts.
I’m on gaylor twitter as much as I’m on Tumblr these days, and I watched the rise of the term LSK. Where it came from was after Taylor seemed to make it clear that Karlie betrayed her (post-folklore and through the release of ITTG and Closure, her explanation of MTR at long pond, and during the confirmation of Karlie’s first pregnancy,) kaylor as a fandom essentially died. 99% of people believed they broke up, and it was ugly. Kaylor was already on life support after the masters thing, but this period essentially killed it. Even those who were willing to consider they were still together stopped posting about it because there was no point and we got a lot of hate. It was seen as embarrassing to still believe they were together. Why would anyone want to participate in something that brings no joy? A few like you and 9wift stuck around, but I know that even you took a step back for a while.
But starting around early 2022, a few people started admitting out loud that there were a lot of clues that maybe they were together. Because the evidence for them having broken up was so strong, still very few people would entertain the idea that they never actually broke up. But it started to become clear enough that there was something going on. And eventually enough accounts on twitter who made good points (and do so in a funny, joyful way, unlike the toxicity of tumblr at the time) it became relatively popular, and more and more people became convinced. These people needed a term to separate themselves from “kaylors” who believed they never broke up, at the time were very small in numbers, and had a very bad reputation because of some personalities, particularly on tumblr. They chose Late Stage as their term. It probably was already a term used in other fandoms, but I’m not sure. In the past, we used to describe swiftgron in terms if versions (1.0, 2.0, etc) so I look at LSK as similar to this. They see LSK as a sort of kaylor 2.0. A post-breakup reconciliation.
As is the case with all other subgroups, there are various beliefs about how and when LSK happened, and some of them even go back and forth about maybe they never actually totally broke up. But even those still call themselves LSKs as a way to distinguish themselves as a new generation (who look at things differently.) One of the most obvious ways they look at things differently is they are less concerned with josh. They see him as Karlie’s gay bestie rather than calling him names and thinking he is the devil, both Karlie and Taylor hate him and he’s blackmailing them and he’s a war criminal. All that became canon on tumblr over the years (and also among the meaner parts of Gaylor twitter, much of which was born on tumblr and The Lchat and migrated to twitter.) Most LSKs don’t like josh as a person, but they don’t believe Karlie hates him. This allows them to approach kaylor with fun and joy rather than being miserable all the time like a lot of the old tumblr kaylors. I think a fair amount of this is that there is some separation at this stage from the trump presidency and some of the most controversial kushner stuff and they are young and often not Americans, so it is easier for them to not know or overlook this part of things. Also over time as joshlie continue to be married and have children and look happy together, it becomes harder to see disdain. Another part of this is that they don’t know the lore. There are some advantages to this. While they might not understand all the stuff we understand and sometimes they say incredibly dumb things, they also aren’t weighed down with the baggage that we have that is so hard to let go off. And they can look at things from different perspectives, which also can be hard for those of us who made decisions on how we feel about things years ago, and therefore developed biases that can cloud our thinking. Again, there are pros and cons and neither perspective is necessarily better. But I tend to lean toward a way for people to enjoy their experience in this fandom rather than giving in to misery and anger. I don’t understand why anyone would want to spend a lot of time on something that made them unhappy. I would simply find another hobby. So the fun of LSK on twitter is one of the reasons it gained traction and a lot of the obvious clues that have been thrown at us, especially over the last year, were caught and popularized. That’s not to say they don’t still get hate from gaylors (and swifties of course) who can’t see it, but there are enough LSKs now who support each other to cancel out some of that negativity.
Wow. Thank you for explaining it like that. This is mostly a very accurate account of things. I don’t think that term (lsk) is accurate for us in these parts but it’s interesting to hear how it came about. Personally, I think the twitter gaylors are cute, but theres a gap in beliefs in some cases for sure.
First, I think a lot of us here never felt from the songs that Karlie actually betrayed Taylor. That’s where a lot of the disconnect is. Songs deserve nuance and the situation is of course delicate. It’s obvious there have been some real hardships and tests and breaks as normal relationships have, but nothing absolutely permanent. Who knows the period of time when this all truly takes place. She may have put it out on folklore, but that doesn’t mean it was recent events. I think she dug deep/went back time for a lot of those songs. MTR for example screams Scott. I wont get into song analysis but if one wanted to apply it to Karlie sure, they could. I can see why others would come to the conclusion that they were done forever. But it’s never that simple. Maybe the point was to kill kaylor if you get what I’m trying to say.
The series of events that happened during this time were intense. There were splits in the fandom, weird, crazy and toxic rumors going around etc. To be honest, I’ve pushed a lot of this period of time back in my conscious because it was traumatic to say the least. The amount of hate and toxicity here completely changed the way I and others went about posting for sure. The threats, the hate, the gaslighting, the daily harassment… getting blamed for certain things I had nothing to do with. Yeah. I stepped back for a while and was terrified to say what I wanted. A few people caught on. Even saying this gives me anxiety. If it weren’t for few close mutuals it would have been much harder.
But still there was evidence even through quarantine that things were fact not over between them. And you’re right, it was not popular to say so at the time. It was kind of like walking around with a letter A or K on your chest… the Hester Prynne’s of the fandom if you will. So a lot of us took our thoughts underground, but were still around. There’s some delicate things I still rather not talk about, except for privately.
I think whatever people want to call themselves is fine… and that most of us have the same idea in mind as to how things may turn out. I get there’s varying opinions and thats fine too. There are bigger things to worry about as long as it’s respectful.
And tbh, my opinions on certain things have changed. Or at least how I’m willing to talk about it i.e. jk. I really don’t want to talk about him. Personally, ignoring him/making stupid silly comments about situations has done wonders for me. That does’t mean I like the dude. But to hold that much animosity continuously isn’t good for ones mental health. I don’t want to keep reliving one of the worst periods in history.
That said, we’ve all been through a lot. Like you mentioned, theres a lot of baggage. But for me, taking a different approach and making an effort to be both positive and realistic at the same time has really helped. It’s not being naive. It’s choosing what’s best for you. I don’t want to be that person spewing negativity all the time. I refuse to. I’m so thankful for the people here who choose to see the light through dark times. Sending an extra hug to everyone around 🤍
#hope this answers some questions i know some of you have#memories feel like weapons#wont be answering anything else on this tonight i’m exhausted this took a lot out of me lol#Pisces being Pisces
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May I request some Sylvain headcanons? How would he react to reader crush who's avoiding him like the plague? Maybe he asked them out to hang out "as friends, nothing serious haha" but he might have kinda forgotten about some other chic he was seeing at the time (oops) and now crush got unintentionally roped up into dumb drama and wants nothing to do with it. Cue the cold shoulder. Maybe this would work best pre-timeskip, Sylv was more of a mess then 😅
{Hello! This is extraordinarily late. I really have no excuse. I hope you like it if you’re still in the fandom!}
Master-list: Here
Is it bold to assume that he expects to be avoided? He is the king of self-sabotage after all. Especially if we are talking pre-timeskip.
He’s a womanizer. He takes pride in it. Anyone who’s his type would be disgusted by the behavior
He talks the talk of wanting to be a forever bachelor, but we all know that’s a sham. He wants stability, he wants loyalty, he wants kindness...basically, if you’re what he wants then he’s going to push you away intentionally to save you from himself
So...yeah. He has no problem with his crush avoiding him. He’s convinced it will pass so long as you’re happy. He’s content being on the side, even though his close friends say otherwise
Aka. Felix picked up on what he was doing and laid down the hard blows. Basically told Sylvain he was a child. Pfft. As if he would be any different
Felix would do worse in his position, but Sylvain holds the thought in to avoid being pummeled
It takes Ingrid’s threats to make him try and attempt being friends again. Something about how he was jeopardizing the ‘team effort’ by letting you ‘sulk’
He felt there was more to it than that, but he didn’t want to press. Not to respect it, but more so because he didn’t want to know the answer
It’s one thing if you were ignoring him from how he acts. That’s fine.
but he--he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.
He’s not stupid. He’s painfully aware of how you stare during class
how you take a step towards his table at lunch, before shaking your head and choosing somewhere else
how the one time Lorenz went too far, calling him a disappointment to nobles and tossing in a comment about his brother...you became enraged.
So angry he could see veins popping out of your neck
Lorenz earned a bruise the same color as his hair, it was awesome
He only ever saw that level of anger from Felix. Needless to say, surprises were bountiful that day.
He turned a blind eye to it all, until now. After pining for so long and then ignoring him, he was shocked you accepted his invitation to eat lunch
“Heyyy (Y/N)? Want to grab a bite to eat? Been a while since we’ve seen each other and that’s not good for friends, don’t you think?”
Ignoring Ingrid who may have been watching, he did his best to sound natural
He didn’t miss you wince when he leaned on your shoulder, or the way you stepped back at his emphasis on ‘friend’
He also seemingly “forgot” that he was supposed to have lunch with his latest hookup. He definitely wasn’t planning to have them interrupt, cutting your time together short and getting Ingrid off his back. Possibly making you hate him in the process and eliminating any chance he had with you in the future
He was planning it. Just so we’re clear
and boy did Sylvain love to self-sabotage. The hollow feeling in his heart was well deserved, which he confirmed when everything happened according to plan.
You both were eating lunch in the courtyard. Him making small talk, and you uncharacteristically silent. Not too far along comes his latest partner, mad at him for being so forgetful and even cheating on them. He took his opportunity
“Cheating on you with them!? Are you serious!? They’re just a friend, chill out,”
It was done. He committed the ultimate friendzone without fault. The way his partner looked at him in horror was also expected, but their shock wasn’t directed his way.
Why weren’t they looking-?
“Are my feelings a game to you? Do you like making people feel like smeared shit on the bottom of your shoe?”
The way you shook next to him. Your head down and hands crushing the drink in your grasp. He almost expected you to throw it at him, but instead your hands caught water. Droplets fell at a rhythmic pace.
“Did you seriously ask me to lunch when you already had plans? After not talking to me for weeks?! After treating me like I was never your friend?! I know you have a hard time being honest with yourself. I know you don’t like people who’re pushy, so I held back talking first,” they throw their cup onto the floor, standing to glare at him. They purse their lips, trying to barricade their next words yet failing horribly, “but this?! You have me awake for endless nights wondering if I did something wrong and then you use me for petty drama?”
They do the last thing he’d expect, and grab his newest ex by the arm. Before he can process a defense they’re both walking away, with his ‘friend’ furiously wiping at their eyes
“You can’t even give your partner a proper breakup. I knew you were bad, but not that bad,” they halt, turning to look over their shoulder, “I can’t believe I thought you cared about me. I...you know what, you don’t get to hear the rest,”
and you both were gone.
It was the afternoon bell that pulled him from his stupor. He knew that meant class was starting, yet Sylvain didn’t want to go.
Yet he also didn’t want to just sit around. So he forced himself to do what he does best, pretend whatever just happened never occurred
Hours go by, and then some days. He hasn’t heard from his ex once, which was rare since they normally try to reconcile at least once. As for you? It was the same cold shoulder as the past few weeks, except this time was different
You didn’t stare at him during lessons
You didn’t take one step towards his lunch table before turning away
You didn’t defend him when Ingrid gave him a nasty bruise on his cheek, or when Dorothea called him vile
You just...didn’t? He got exactly what he wanted. You did nothing, as if he never existed and your friendship never happened
and yet- he didn’t feel the relief that he expected. He wasn’t happy that you moved on, and every time you laughed his latest meal felt it was about to be re-plated
Your feelings - his crush. They were never the burden he made them appear to be
When he tries to sleep it off, all his brain would conjure is a crushed cup. Trembling fingers digging into tin, their tips changing color from pressure. Droplets of water trickling from thin air and falling on top.
Your feelings were a game to him. One that he lost from the start
He lays in bed, arm over his eyes and lets his tears fall
#fire emblem#fire emblem three houses#fe3h#fe3h x reader#fire emblem x reader#fire emblem three houses x reader#sylvain gautier#sylvain jose gautier#sylvain x reader#fe3h imagines#fire emblem imagines#fe3h scenarios#fire emblem scenarios#fire emblem three houses scenarios#fire emblem three houses imagines
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