#and i can't even sleep all day to pretend i don't fucking exist because i can't!! my brain won't let me!! it's very fun
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what if I actually go insane. on purpose
#this isn't stunt related im just very very depressed#this week has been exhausting my emotions are all over the place#i get like 10 minutes of my brain being ok and then the next 5 hours is Suffering Time#I've been amxious and sad and crying and then numb and fine all back to back in the spam of an hour#and I'm EXHAUSTED#and i can't even sleep all day to pretend i don't fucking exist because i can't!! my brain won't let me!! it's very fun#anyways ignore this i just needed to vent a little cause it hasn't been this bad in so long and im just tired#i wish i could just be normal#I've been trying to distract myself with st all day but nothing works and nothing is enough#the only thing that helps a little is writing about it#which i did i got myself a little notebook just for that lol its a very sad notebook I'll tell you#so i thought that i would write a little more here and see if my brain gives me a moment of rest
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୨୧·࣭࣪̇˖ 𝆬 sharing a bed with them 𓏸
feat.: Dazai, Chūya, Ranpo, Fyodor, Nikolai, Sigma
content: pre-relationship bed sharing, flirty/mildly sexual implications
It's truly unfortunate that, while on a mission for the Agency, you have to share a bed with DAZAI — or so you think, at least. He doesn't share the sentiment in the slightest, instead smiling as innocently as possible the moment his gaze falls onto the single bed in the hotel room booked for the night. While he pretends to offer you the bed, he'll guilt-trip you about the couch being way too short for his long legs and about his back already aching until, eventually, you give in and share it with him.
Naturally, he gets into your space more than necessary at night, pretending he's asleep while cuddling close to you, given how, then, you can't cuss him out for wrapping an arm around your waist and burying his face in your neck, breath warm against your throat. It's worse that he knows if you won't get any amount of sleep whatsoever, much too busy with fighting off arousal while he's pressed flush against your back.
“Hm? No, it's alright. I don't mind taking the couch. What kind of man would I be if I let you sleep on there? Still, it's just — it's way too short and hard. Couches this uncomfortable shouldn't exist, really. I doubt I'll be able to get even a wink of sleep tonight, what a shame.”
When there turns out to only be one bed in the hotel room you're supposed to stay in for the night, CHŪYA doesn't even hesitate before offering you the bed, immediately going for the couch instead. He won't accept any protests either; no matter whether you're worried about his comfort or just think it's polite to refuse his offer, he won't allow you to spend the night on a sofa. He's not making a huge deal out of it and, if you keep being annoying about it, he gets more and more exhausted by the minute.
Eventually, he might give in to the idea of sharing the bed. He has no trouble keeping to himself — or so he believes, because, once he's actually asleep, softly snoring into your ear, he's moving wildly, one leg eventually thrown over your body, arms stretched out. If you mention it to him in the morning, his cheeks flush soft pink.
“Hm? The fuck you mean, you'll be taking the sofa? Definitely not. I'm already here — and I don't mind. Go lie down and get some sleep. We've got a busy day tomorrow.”
RANPO, the very moment he steps foot into the room, decides he wants the bed to himself. The idea of taking the couch doesn't even cross his mind; instead, he makes his way over to the bed all too quickly, though, when you end up either glaring at him or asking him to share, he just shrugs.
Really, he doesn't make too big of a deal out of sharing a bed, not even seeming a little nervous at the idea of lying down beside you for hours on end. Meanwhile, at night, he cuddles up close to you — actually asleep, unlike a certain someone —, arms wrapped around you, for once completely unaware of you being all flustered because of him. In the morning, it'll be like nothing happened, even though you can't quite stop thinking about
“What are you looking at me like that for? I said we can share. If you're hoping to have it for yourself, tough luck. I was here first, just saying. Just get in or move to the couch already, I'm tired.”
All of FYODOR'S decisions are based on logic; this one is no exception. If the bed is large enough to fit two people, it's large enough for the two of you to share — though, if you feel like taking the couch instead, he won't protest. That's your decision to make, after all.
While actually sharing the bed with him, it's basically like you're alone in there, anyway. He doesn't move when asleep, doesn't make a sound; it's all too easy to imagine he's not even there, even though, occasionally, a dark strand of hair might brush against your face. What you don't know, however, is that he, at night, while you're fast asleep, he takes the time to watch you up close, lilac eyes tracing over every plane of your face.
“I do not mind sharing the bed with you. I hope you feel similarly. We both are adults, are we not? I doubt this will be an issue. Just lie down.”
NIKOLAI is undoubtedly amused by the idea of sharing a bed with you. He doesn't waste a single thought towards either of you taking the sofa instead; nonsense, just why would you do that? There's a perfectly fine bed right there, and surely both of you are mature enough to share one without any issues, right? Wrong.
He makes a point of being as obnoxious as possible, cuddling close to you the very second you lie down. It doesn't help that he's both tall and strong, his arms closed around your waist so you can't even try to get away or up, and he makes a point of whining whenever you attempt to squirm away. It's going to be a long night.
“What's the matter? Why are you moving so much? Stop it, I won't be able to fall asleep this way. Or — ah, are you trying to rile me up on purpose? That's naughty of you, sweetheart.”
SIGMA immediately makes a beeline for the couch the second he notices the dilemma of having a double bed rather than two separate ones booked. He won't even discuss the topic with you; he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable or forced to sleep on a sofa, so he'll do it instead. There's no whining or guilt tripping from his end; he simply accepts his fate for the night. There's worse things to endure.
If you're incredibly serious about convincing him, however, he might just give in, even though his cheeks feel a little warmer than usual when he lies down next to you, making sure there's an appropriate amount of distance between the two of you. If there's anything he doesn't want, it's you thinking he's trying to be creepy after you've decided to trust him — he probably ends up barely getting any sleep, just because he's worried about accidentally getting too close to you.
“Are you sure you're alright with this? I really don't mind spending the night on the sofa instead. ... Well, if you're sure — thank you.”
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#honeydazai writes#bsd x reader#bsd headcanons#bsd imagines#bsd x you#fyodor x reader#dazai x reader#chuuya x reader#Fyodor headcanons#Dazai headcanons#Chuuya headcanons#Ranpo x reader#Nikolai Gogol x reader#Sigma x reader#Chuuya imagine#Dazai imagines#Fyodor imagines#Sigma imagines#Sigma headcanons#Nikolai Gogol headcanons#Bsd fanfic#Bungo Stray dogs#Bungo Stray dogs x reader#Bungo stray dogs headcanons#Bungo stray dogs imagines#ranpo imagines#Ranpo headcanons#bungou stray dogs headcanons#bungou stray dogs imagine#Bungou Stray Dogs x you
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Finding you again • Bangchan
(angst, comfort)
"Why?" You screamed at the top of your lungs; the neighbors were probably filling a noise complaint at this very moment. "Tell. Me. Why."
Is this what couples do? Go to sleep feeling alone and cold because there is no one beside them to keep them warm? Eat their meals in silence, on the rare occasion you even ate together? Scream at each other until there's no more breath in their lungs? Pick a fight as soon as the person they're in love with walks through the door, barely having enough time to take their shoes off? Because that's what yours and Chans relationship is like.
"I'm really not in the mood for this right now, y/n. I'm tired and I haven't eaten or slept in the past twenty-four hours. I don't even know what you want from me. I bust my ass to make sure you have a roof over your head and food to eat and you treat me like this." He looked perfectly fine to you though, refreshed even.
"I treat you like this?" Your blood was boiling. " You treat me as if I don't even exist. You stay gone all day and night and when you do come home you barely even acknowledge my presence. It's like your annoyed I'm even here half the time." Tears pricked the back of your eyes, but you refused to cry right now.
"Because you always have something to nag about. I'm always working too much or I didn't do the dishes or take the trash out. It's always something with you, I can never just rest when I'm here. That's why I'm always at the studio-"
"Oh, cut the shit Chan. We both know you're not always at the studio." You interrupted him.
"What are you talking about?" He was starting to get visibly irritated with this whole conversation, but you didn't care. you were done pretending like this didn't bother you.
"I know your cheating on me." It was your first time saying it out loud, and boy did it have a bitter taste.
Chans whole demeanor changed, his face fell, and his shoulders tensed. "What?"
"I'm not an idiot Chris, if you aren't getting it from me, you're getting it from someone else. I mean c'mon it's so fucking obvious, you're gone all the time, and you haven't touched me in months," This time a stray tear fell down your cheek, a result of having these emotions stored away for weeks. "If you don't want me anymore just say it, don't torture me like this, I can't take it, I care for you too much." And then it all came crashing down on you at once, the possibility that you might lose him, you might lose the beautiful life the two of you used to share. The late-night movie marathons, the times you'd cook dinner together, laughing at the way he was terrible at chopping vegetables. The walks on the beach where he'd pick you up and pretend to throw you in the water, getting a kick out of the way you'd hold on to him for dear life. The times when he kissed you before leaving for work, and made love to you when he returned, telling you how much he missed you while he was away. How much he loved you.
The next thing you knew you were sobbing into your hands, letting go of everything you kept hidden for so long.
Chan stood there, eyes glued to the floor, mouth agape. You were too busy crying your eyes out to notice the tears escaping past his eye lids too. "Do you really think I'd do that to you?" His voice broke halfway through his sentence.
"I don't know what to think anymore. I feel like I don't even know you." You whispered before finally wiping your tears away and raising your head to look at him. You were more than surprised to see his bottom lip quivering and his whole body shaking, in a silent cry. You didn't know how to react; you'd never seen him cry like this before. You wanted to lunge at him and hold him close, to take all his pain away and tell him everything would be okay, but he should be the one doing that for you, not the other way around.
"I'm so sorry," He sobbed. " I have no excuse to be so distant like this, but I'd never cheat on you. Like it or not, you're the only person in this world for me, and now knowing that you thought that was the reason I haven't been here hurts like hell, but I don't blame you, I don't even know why I've been like this, it's like I'm on autopilot, working until I fall asleep and do it all again the next day.
"Why didn't you just tell me that? Anything would have been better than the silence."
"I don't know, baby." A broken cry leaving his lips, but the pet name warmed your heart, and you couldn't help yourself any longer. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer to you than he has been in weeks. He immediately responded, hugging your torso and burying his face into your neck. If you had known he was feeling this way you wouldn't have sprung this whole thing on him the way that you did. "I just feel so numb, so I did the only thing I know how to do." Which was make music. Because that's what he did, poured every ounce of his emotions into the beats that he sewed together to make something beautiful. "I don't know what's wrong with me." You held him as he cried and explained how tired and confused he was as to why he couldn't feel anything. He had drained every last drop of himself into his work, that's why. He always put the members and fans first, inconveniencing himself every time someone asked him of something, picking up the other members and staffs slack just so they could meet their deadlines. He doesn't know how to pace himself; he goes, and goes, and goes until his body and his mind can't take it anymore. he can't feel anything because he's felt enough. He has nothing left to give.
"Shh, baby, it's okay. everything's going to be okay."
~
And so, for the next few months he was going to work on himself and rest, to regain what he once had. After that night you made him take a few days off from work so he could rest, in which he used the time to make up to you by making love to you several times a day. He set up a steady schedule for work, making sure he didn't stay any longer than nine to ten hours a day and taking the weekends off. He even stopped doing the things that the managers and staff were supposed to do, which resulted in them falling behind on many things, and made for a hectic couple of weeks. But in the long run people started to realize that Chris wasn't letting them use him as he was before, so they pulled their shit together and finally did their jobs correctly. This was the first time you've seen him so happy and comfortable in his own skin, and you hoped that it'd never end.
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I need a fic where Ghost and Soap are on the run but like, framed and on the run.
They're on an assignment, just the two of them, to co-lead a team for the prevention of assassination for some big-name politician (dunno, I like to think this would happen either in usa or in the uk...) and it's all done and they're about to pack their shit and go back to base when Soap gets an encrypted call from Price to tell him that a video of Ghost killing the same big-name politician is on the telly
It's not Ghost, obviously, but it's someone of Ghost's posture, in Ghost's gear and Ghost's mask.
Also obviously, Soap doesn't believe it.
They get surrounded pretty fast by the local SWAT-like team and Soap makes Ghost use him as a hostage so they can escape with a minimal amount of maiming -- Soap is pretty sure Ghost could escape on his own, but it'd be a bloody mess that would follow him after he was proven to be framed.
Of course, Ghost tries to get Soap to leave once they're out of the danger zone. He does not.
Cue Ghost and Soap on the run while Price, Gaz and Lasewell try to find out who is framing him.
Simon's existence was erased so much that there are no pictures of him anywhere so instead, his APB has a sketch and a description. Problem is, the scars on his face were included, and way too characteristic to miss them (whether it's the glasgow smile or other scars, dunno, but you get my point). At first, it's really hard to move around because scars/mask + Simon being like 6'4 and built like a tank scream 'notice me'. Simon grows out a beard - it's red-ish blond colour so he ends up dying his hair red too. He absolutely doesn't care but Soap mourns because he's barely started being able to see Simon's face and hair and now it's all changed up.
Soap doesn't have an APB at first, but after a couple of days he is named as complicit (because he's seen helping Ghost run) and his photo is out. He has to shave the mohawk because it's too eye-catching (he's fucking bald and he hates it). He has to rein in his accent because he is described as glasgowian scottish. He can't call his maw so he sends her a random postcard he picked up a few towns ago and sends a short and cryptic message, hoping she believes he's not a terrorist.
Soap also finds out Ghost knows way too many shady people and knows way too easily where to look for even more shady people if he needs something the former people don't have. They steal shit out of necessity, often clothes and food, but sometimes they pickpocket cards and wallets. Some days they sleep in the car, some days they stop at questionable motels or hostels, and some days they don't sleep at all. They have burner phones but don't contact Price at all.
There would be a mandatory 'taking care of each others' wounds' scene (no bandages, please, you rarely use bandages in healthcare nowadays) after a dangerous run-in, a mandatory 'pretend to be a couple to lose the trail' and after that, an awkward 'there was only one bed' scene where things happen for the first time and they have a sloppy handjob or two.
They're probably trying to escape the country but can't do it via air because of the APBs and have to make their way to some shady port and even shadier ferry or cargo ship that won't run their fake passports in the system if they pay well enough.
Ghost is surprising Soap once again with an off-shore bank account and a knowledge of whichever country they're in's language. They move somewhere less crowded but not small enough that two Brits would be weird. Some people refer to Ghost as Soap's husband.
Weeks or months go by.
"What if they can't prove I didn't do it?"
"You faked your death once, love, I think you can do it twice."
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Fire of My Passion
group : ateez
pairing : poly dragon!ateez × reader, dragon!seonghwa × reader
genre : angst, fantasy, mature
word count : 13.2k
warning : slight gore (murder, abuse), death threat, murder intent, depiction of attacks and casualties, mentions of people getting hurt, psychological anguish
a/n : this is a fic based on @thelargefrye 's dragon!ateez universe !! honestly i really love the fics, i've been recommending it everywhere. if you haven't checked it, please read them first before you read this >:) you can find the dragon!ateez fics here here (m, mdni) here (m, mdni) AND BY THE WAY SMALLS IF YOU'RE READING THIS, I'M SO SORRY IT TOOK SUCH A LONG FUCKING WHILE IDK WHAT I WAS DOING ASOGHOSIGOSIJ I STARTED BULLSHITTING AND I CAN'T STOP
There were things that Seonghwa was used to; calm surroundings, his books in the library, his mates, and his clan. Everything was in order, as it should be since generations before and he loves it. This castle is his home, his sanctuary, where his past happened and where he will establish his future. All were as they are supposed to be.
That was until you came.
"Sunyeol, no!"
Just the sound of your voice was enough to ruin his whole day.
The voices made Seonghwa snap his head to see you running after a hatchling not too far behind him, a little boy named Sunyeol who was holding something in his hand, running past him with glee while you were in tow. Less than three months ago, Seonghwa didn't have to worry about being aware of things around him when he sleeps as the clan was secure in the mountains but now, his mates were sleeping with someone who could potentially kill them without having to lift a finger. How will his ancestors react upon learning that he and his mates, high-ranking members of their clan, were sleeping with the enemy and have mated with the enemy and even brought said enemy to their home, their little safe haven? To be frank, Seonghwa didn't know which part was worse but he resented himself for not preventing you from being admitted into their lives. Because as usual, the witches do whatever they want and everyone was simply supposed to go along with it despite the pain and anguish. So imagine his fury when he saw members of his clan being happy with you. He hated it. He hated YOU so much.
Seonghwa's steps halted when he saw you cornering the boy and alarms started blaring off in his head. The scene was just too reminiscent of the countless murders of both adults and hatchlings in his life. "Alright, Sunyeol, you give me my stone back or else," it was obvious (to you and the hatchling at least) that you were being playful, it was nothing but a ruse to make things fun and the hatchling looked very much happy and engaged, "We can do this the easy way, or the hard way," each step you took made Seonghwa's heart beat louder in his chest, ringing in his arms like drums, "And we both know we don't want me using the hard way," the smirk on your face was menacing to him, it was a sign of threat. At that point, Seonghwa was no longer even looking at Sunyeol, his eyes transfixed on you, on how you were preying on that little hatchling boy.
In a flash, Seonghwa had you pinned onto the wall, his arm pressing onto your chest suffocatingly in a diagonal angle, using his sleeve to separate you from him because he couldn't imagine the disgust, the utter uncleanness, the absolute filth on your skin latching onto him. "Is that your ploy, witch?" Seonghwa's eyes narrowed as he glared at you with seething hatred, the pure anger that his eyes conveyed was enough to have your stomach sink in fear. "You come here, you pretend to be this nice little witch when the truth is you were just waiting for the opportunity to erase our entire existence, right? And this is how you start? From our precious hatchlings?" smoke started coming out of Seonghwa's mouth and fear struck you deeply. You were confused because you were playing with a hatchling, helping Mingi with his duties one second, and the next thing you know, you were about to die in the hands of a high-ranking dragon for being playful. You tried to claw his arm off of you, desperately trying to get oxygen back into your lungs, but it was apparent from his grip that Seonghwa's aim was to kill as he was seconds away from murdering you.
Had it not been for Sunyeol's cries, asking Seonghwa not to hurt you, you would have surely lost your life that moment. Even when the boy was brazenly tugging on Seonghwa's shirt harshly, screaming at the top of his lungs to let you go as tears streamed down his chubby cheeks, Seonghwa still hesitated to let you go. In his head, he was only thinking of the fact that he might not get a chance like this anymore, to get you in such a vulnerable place that he could just take your life so easily. But the sound of the boy's cries seemed to remind him that he couldn't just make a decision about not only his but his other mates' mate single-handedly. Surely the council will disapprove and his mates (the ones that like you at least no matter the small number), will have his head on a stick.
With resolve wavering (as much as he hated to admit it), Seonghwa let you go, pushing you off to the floor where you croak, struggling to breathe despite being able to feel the oxygen fill your lungs again. With a last glare sent your way, Seonghwa turned on his heels to leave but not before reassuringly patting Sunyeol on his head.
Truly, Seonghwa had no idea as to how and why would his kind be so accepting and understanding of your kind. Since they were merely hatchlings, they were already warned about what witches do, what they were capable of. Cautionary tales of how witches put enchantments on dragon folks lure them to their dwellings and make them turn into their dragon form before killing them. Their scales were sold as armour to dragon hunters, their teeth turned into necklaces that serves as wards with runes on them or ornaments like trophies in their homes, their blood drained to be used as an elixir or potion, and the rest of them were either put on display as a reminder of what they managed to kill, unable to get eternal rest or let just thrown away carelessly as if they were nothing. Those who were killed like that died a gruesome death with the lucky ones got to die in their human form. Seonghwa could never forget the time Hongjoong burned down an entire village filled with dragon hunters when he saw his father's dragon bones propped in the square as if he was nothing more than a statue while his mother and brother were killed in front of it. How he took his family who were already gone, into his strong talons and stayed there as everything burned around him. That day Hongjoong unwillingly became the clan's leader, shouldering the burden and the pain that he was yet to be ready for.
You can ask anyone and they'd say that Park Seonghwa is benevolent, he is kind and understanding, and he is compassionate. But he truly drew the line at you and your kind. He would never forgive you for just entering their lives and messing things up. Things might seem okay and good now, but he knew that the likes of you would only bring pain and misery to their lives, he knew it. It's hard being someone who can see things clearly but not wanting to mess things up as too much was on the line.
For now, all he could do was keep an eye on you and prepare for when he needed to defend himself and his mates, his clan. He'd give his life for them but moreover, he'd take your life to salvage them.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
Thankfully for Seonghwa, you spent the next several days cowering in the shadows. He walked around in pride whenever he saw you clutching your chest when you saw him before turning around on your heels and running away. Usually, you'd be walking around with Wooyoung or Yeosang, Mingi would only be around you when you were working with him and he convinced himself that it was simply because he saw you as nothing more than a coworker, nothing romantic. But the three seemed to know nothing which means you hadn't told them that Seonghwa almost killed you. To that, Seonghwa gave you trust points for not being a tattle tale.
It felt refreshing not seeing your face so often as before. One might even able to see the little spring in Seonghwa's steps and the slight smile that was returning after months of not seeing it.
But of course, all good things must come to an end.
One fateful day, after the sun has long set and the halls of the castle was illuminated by candle lights, Seonghwa walked out of the library to be met with the sound of hurried steps.
"Hyung, they came! They fucking came!" San cried out, panting when he reached Seonghwa with Yunho next to him, looking equally distraught. Confused, Seonghwa looked at San and Yunho with clear confusion in his face, "Whoah, whoah, whoah, calm down there," despite his calmer tone, Seonghwa felt uneasy from how his two mates were acting. "Dragon hunters attacked the border residence, we have casualties," the words that left Yunho's mouth froze Seonghwa's body.
He didn't remember what he said, he didn't even remember moving because when he came to, he was at the place where the hunters attacked. A good dozen were being treated for trap wounds, cuts and bruises, and not far from where they were, five bodies covered in white cloth laid still. People were crying over their burnt houses and while there were only two burning houses, it was two to many.
"Where are they?" Seonghwa's voice was eerily calm and stern, an absolute darkness filled his aura and both San and Yunho could feel it. "They ran off to the woods, we have three patrols chasing after them," that was all Seonghwa needed from San for him to transform and chase after the hunters himself. It wasn't hard for him at all as his eyes managed to catch their thermal signature and they were mocking the dragons they killed, obnoxiously yelling how the tip was worth the gold they spent and it just angered Seonghwa even more.
Moments passed like a second and the next thing Seonghwa knew, he reemerged from the forest drenched in the blood of the hunters he just... exterminated. His eyes was golden and face hard, wildness and fury apparent and for a moment he seemed soulless, like a simple sentient being whose job was to kill and had no remorse nor any emotions whatsoever. Not even San nor Yunho dared to got close to him as they didn't know how Seonghwa might react. Heck, they didn't even know what was going on in Seonghwa's mind as he walked past them towards the castle. Neither of them would have guessed nor expected for Seonghwa to immediately target one person in particular.
You.
Dripping blood, he was making a trail everywhere but he didn't care. No, he couldn't care less about the mess he made. He was going to do what he should have done from the beginning. He should have protected his kind, he should have protected his mate, he should have made sure that you had no chance to hurt them even for a bit.
Luckily for him (but unluckily for you), he saw you walking from the path in the garden, seemingly coming out from the forrest it led to. And everything clicked in his head. You were the one who tipped the hunters in the first place. You were the cause of the despair that befell them. You were everything Seonghwa thought you were and more.
Just as you stepped back into the castle, Seonghwa ambushed you, pushing you off of the steps and out onto the grass. The impact didn't wound you but it surely knocked the breath out of your lungs, causing you to choke as you tried to retrieve the oxygen that was oh so harshly forced out of your body. "I should have killed you when I had the chance," Seonghwa's voice was cold as ice, void of any emotion and it frightened you. You began scrambling backwards only for Seonghwa to take steps closer to you and it was only when the moonlight hit him that you realized that he was drenched in blood. "How could you?" He caught up easily and grabbed you by the hair, pulling you up as you hiss in pain, "What could you have possibly benefitted from killing innocent people?" When you were at eye-level with him, you were able to take notice of the tears brimming in his eyes, some had dropped onto his cheek and mixed with the blood before pooling on his sharp chin. "We let you stay with us and this is the thanks we get? You tipping those hunters where we live and letting them attack us? Attack the people who are precious to us? The innocent people whom we swore to protect and you made us break our promise for what? What did they promise you?" At this point, the hand that gripped your hair had moved to the side of your head as his other hand gripped the other side with his thumbs on your cheeks, smearing blood that penetrated your nostril harshly but it wasn't as bad as the pressure Seonghwa was putting on your skull. "S-Seonghwa," you whimpered, your hands gripping his in an attempt to pry him off of you. The tears in your eyes did nothing to stop Seonghwa from trying to crush your skull. He was in anguish, he was mourning, he was betrayed and he didn't even have his trust in you in the first place. So how could he have let this happen?
Your fingers had begun scratching his hand as you cried for him to let you go, begging to not kill you while proclaiming that you did nothing, that you didn't know what he was talking about. But he didn't care, he didn't want to care anymore because he was hurt, he was angry, he wanted to punish you for what you did because how dare you deny the truth when it was so glaring?
"P-please Seonghwa, don't k-kill me," you cried, managing to grab his thumb and still trying your best to remove his grip on you. "I didn't do anything." "I should have killed you the second you stepped into this place, I should have killed you like you deserved after exterminating us like vermin." Emotions were running too wildly in Seonghwa, every emotion that he never realized he had were running through his body like crazy, controlling his mind and action to the point that he didn't even realize that he was crying hard at that point. Though tears blurred his vision, he was still able to see the look of absolute fear on your face.
Your brain was swirling with ideas on how to escape the situation because the last thing you wanted was to die in the hands of your mate's mate. And then you got the idea, you found your escape.
"T-think about Y-yeosang a-and Wooyoung! Think of how much," you momentarily paused to adjust to the feeling of Seonghwa's fingers digging into your skull and you were sure that it was permanently dented. At the mention of his mates, Seonghwa seemed to come to momentarily. The grip loosened slightly but his hands were still caging your head so while it gave you a little bit of hope that you'd be able to keep your life. "Think o-of how much they'll resent you if you were the one to make me disappear," it was apparent that your tactic was working, Seonghwa's sharp nails slowly relaxed from your scalp, allowing you feel the sting from the breeze that brushed through your hair. "Let me make myself disappear, that way they'll hate me and not you and it'll be much easier for them to move on.
Your words struck Seonghwa rather deeply as he considered your words, thinking that you had a point and he'd get an easy out with his mates. As someone who was always level-headed, Seonghwa was rather surprised at himself for being taken over almost completely by his emotions and even more so that he was even considering listening to you. It was truly a cursed day and the quicker you were gone, the quicker he can move on and forget about how shitty it is.
When Seonghwa's hand let your head go, you finally realized how warm his touch was because as soon as he let go of you, the breeze blew rather harshly and goosebumps rose on your skin. Or maybe it was the realization of what just happened, you were going to have to leave your boys without saying goodbye. Technically speaking, it was just Yeosang and Wooyoung and probably Mingi, but you think it was better for your sanity to believe that the only reason Mingi would miss you was that now he didn't have anyone to help him with the hatchlings. And God, leaving the hatchlings that you had grown so close with. Just as a couple of them proclaimed their love for you because they thought you were so cool and kind and loving and they wanted to see more of your grimoire, Weiss. How were you going to move past this life? The life that you never expected but found to love despite the obstacles in every way. How were you going to survive waking up all alone when you've been so accustomed to waking up with Wooyoung and/or Yeosang in bed with you. Their dragon warmth that could not be replicated no matter how much you asked Weiss (because he didn't want you to accidentally burn him) helped you through rainy days and anxiety-filled nights. It was one of your favourite things about them and they'd be more than happy to provide it to you. But over anything else, you can't believe you were leaving them just because your life was on the line.
Just as you were about to say your goodbyes to Seonghwa (not that he was going to care, but it was just polite that way), when he suddenly grabbed you by the neckline of your top, pulling you close to his face so he could speak lowly with his teeth bared and body vibrating. "I'm letting you off for now but make sure I can't find you, you hear me? I'm letting you off because I don't want Yeosang and Wooyoung to hate me for killing you no matter how fun it would be. Because believe me when I say that I have made a list of how to kill you in an excruciatingly painful and slow way that you would actually much rather kill yourself than have me spend my precious time and energy on you," each word was like a stab to your gut but the pain it inflicted was nothing compared to the fact that you actually believed him. Genuinely, you know for sure that he wouldn't hesitate if you gave him the chance.
Seonghwa then pushed you by your chest, not so hard that you fell but just enough to send you reeling slightly, stumbling before running off into the darkness in the woods. The last thing you remembered was Seonghwa's golden eyes turning back to their normal dark brown colour shining in the darkness as he returned to the castle. It was all you could think of as you travelled through the safety of the shadows that the trees cast, thinking that even if Seonghwa were to send his dragon guards at you, you'd still be able to feel the safety of the idea of being hidden so organically.
You must've run beyond your strength because the next thing you know, you stumbled down a hill and you fell rolling down. The impact all over your body seemed to bring your realization back a little because when you finally landed limply on the clearing of the meadow at the bottom of the hill, everything came crashing down to you. How you were so close to losing your life in the hands of your mate's mate, how you were accused of doing something you didn't even understand or know and weren't given a chance to defend yourself or even to provide your point of view, how you selfishly traded your love for your own life like a coward, and how you might not be able to see your mates again anymore. It was only then and there that you cried, your throat turned raw when you screamed out of agony. The pain of falling down and your ankle twisting was nothing compared to the pain of being separated from your mates and you couldn't even imagine what Yeosang and Wooyoung would wake up to, how they would react. For now, you for sure know that they'd have nothing but hatred towards you and you were willing to burden it all if it meant that they would be kept safe. Maybe Seonghwa was right, maybe whatever happened was your fault somehow, maybe you brought them bad luck or maybe there was a reason that you couldn't even think of at that moment. But you stood firm on your resolve that you were doing this for your boys, for them all.
As painful as it was for you, you wiped the tears off your cheeks and stood up straight, letting the pain all over your body drive you by reminding you of what was important. You could still see the castle where you had resided for more or less three months, the towers were slightly covered by trees but you could never mistake it, and you could never forget what it look like. But you couldn't focus on reminiscing now, not when you can't shake Seonghwa's accusation that you were the cause of their despair. So with a shaky breath, you cleared your mind and summoned Weiss who opened itself up for you with no question as your hands raised.
"Let's get to work."
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
The past three weeks had been hell for everyone in the castle, especially for the residence. It was nothing like Seonghwa expected whatsoever. He had thought that by eliminating you, their lives would be much different and for the best. Never could he have imagined that the situation was much more complicated and dire.
"How is he?" Hongjoong asked, looking tired and stressed.
The head healer sighed and shook her head much to his and Seonghwa's disappointment. "Well, what do you know?" Although Hongjoong tried to sound confident, it was obvious that he was beyond worried, there was a slight quiver that indicated fear and while other people couldn't have noticed it, Seonghwa knew Hongjoong well enough that he was truly fearing for their newest addition. "Well... He's... Mourning, sir, the simplest explanation is that he was separated from his mate for too long that his mental state just... Broke," she explained timidly in a slightly bowed stance as to avoid Hongjoong and Seonghwa's gaze. At the mention of Wooyoung's mate, Seonghwa's body froze slightly, it was as if his body was involuntarily reacting to the trigger word or words in this case, immediately reminded of the scene where he drove you away by threatening to kill you. As far as Seonghwa knows, nobody else knew about that incident, no one knew he had almost destroyed you that night and that he didn't even see where you had gone to. He was just glad that you were gone. This, however, the news that Wooyoung suffered a mental break and Yeosang became so weak that he injured himself in a patrol was something Seonghwa didn't expect. In all honesty, he felt bad, he felt as if he was responsible, but he didn't want to believe that it was his fault so he put those thoughts on the back burner, trying to focus on how to better the situation instead.
The explanation didn't make Hongjoong feel better though as he couldn't really comprehend what is it that made Wooyoung experience such a devastating break. He tried looking at the two assistant healers but they too were avoiding his gaze as best as they could. "That's stupid," Hongjoong groaned in frustration, hands rubbing at his face harshly, "The oracle said he's our mate and if you haven't figured it out yet he's with his mates right now so you must be wrong!" he growled, terrifying the healers but didn't let them respond as he turned and walked away, yelling to them one last time, "You better come up with a better explanation and treatment plan for him!"
With a last glance spared to Wooyoung's bedroom as the healers reentered, letting the sound of Wooyoung moaning and crying in pain escape, Seonghwa followed behind Hongjoong. Maybe it was best for him to tell Hongjoong what he did, what he had done to Wooyoung's... mate. No matter how much they denied that a dragon could mate with a witch, they have to consider that fact now, especially with Yeosang's incessant and teary attempt of convincing them. The mood in the castle had gone down considerably and at a pretty drastic speed. One could argue that it was the stress of handling the dragon hunter issue and rebuilding the ruined houses and also calming the people down, ensuring their safety with double the patrols which obviously took time to assemble and set their working schedule. It was a miracle that all of them were still functional even though barely. Though, Hongjoong's dedication of time and effort to accommodate the situation was proven fruitful as they have yet to see nor sense another attack from dragon hunters. The patrolmen hadn't even sensed witches or their runes or potions around, meaning that it was more likely than not safe for them. Hongjoong and the others took this as a win as one issue is at least resolved. For now.
Other than Wooyoung and Yeosang, Mingi seemed to receive the third biggest hit. It had been a while since Seonghwa saw him practice his sword skills, abusing the life out of the dummy they usually use for practice and even managing to break three with a wooden sword for practice. As a carer of the hatchlings, Mingi was never expected to be the best in fighting as his main priority was protection over the little ones. While basic fighting skills were needed in order to protect the hatchlings if needed, none of them had ever seen Mingi letting out so much frustration and emotion which made him look terrifying. Thankfully, the children would provide him with some comfort, allowing him to still feel some semblance of warmth as he took care of them but once his duty ended, he would... clam up and go back to his sword practice. Yunho, San, and Jongho on the other hand looked detached even during their duties. While their quality of work wasn't affected, their mood does and it made them even more unapproachable, especially with the glare that Jongho and San would give to the other patrolmen. Yunho would more often than not venture off by himself, excusing it as him wanting to check something out by himself before involving the others.
"I went to the Oracle again," Hongjoong sighed as he and Seonghwa reached a secluded part of the castle, "I... Asked them about this whole thing," with his back against the cold stone wall, Hongjoong was able to lean his head back and just closed his eyes. Seonghwa sidled close next to him, his hand circled and rested on Hongjoong's hips to pull him close, the sudden act made Hongjoong open his eyes to look at his mate before accepting and just letting him get as close as he want. "What whole thing?" Seonghwa asked, his thumb began rubbing on Hongjoong's hips gently in an attempt to comfort the man. "Apparently... It was true," Hongjoong's head dropped to rest on Seonghwa's shoulder, feeling the absolute weight of responsibility burdening him so heavily that it was as if he could crumble then and there, "(y/n)... She's our last mate," an incredulous scoff escaped Hongjoong's mouth as if the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. Almost immediately, Seonghwa's body tensed up and froze, not believing his ears. "Yeah, I was surprised too," Hongjoong nuzzled his head deeper into the crook of Seonghwa's neck with his eyes closing once again, "What are we supposed to do? That little witch ran away and now once again we're left with cleaning her mess. How are we supposed to make sure that Yeosang and Wooyoung will be okay? They have truly mated with her so they're suffering greatly," Seonghwa felt Hongjoong lifting his head up slightly and when he looked down, he saw his strong leader's eyes brimming with tears, a rare occurrence that truly broke his heart, "How are we going to help them, Seonghwa? Why can I protect everyone else but them?" Seonghwa was quick to envelop the man in a tight hug despite he himself slowly becoming affected by his mate's words, he knew he had to be strong so Hongjoong could momentarily falter.
"Don't you even worry," Seonghwa said firmly, unknowingly using his own words to convince himself as well, "We're gonna get through this. We're going to be okay."
Meanwhile, unbeknownst to anyone else, Yunho had taken it upon himself to venture off again. He had been feeling something... odd in certain areas, as if something was calling for him, wanting to be found and rescued by him.
It was odd.
Every day, Yunho woke up to the feeling of wanting to venture a little bit further out than his usual patrol would take. There was something about the hills that called to him but every single time he got closer, he found himself walking back to the clan. And each time he returned to his people, there was a sense of longing and sorrow. Today, however, he woke up and sense that he felt different than the previous days. He couldn't quite explain it, but he sensed that whoever or whatever it was that was calling him is reachable now. So he rushed to the path that called onto him, fully hoping to see something new, some kind of explanation.
What Yunho didn't expect, however, was the sound of a mountain troll roaring followed by the sound of branches crunching but louder. Immediately, Yunho got into his battle stance, thinking that the troll sensed his presence and wanted him gone from the area. His ear and thermal sensors were able to pick up where the beast was coming from and where it was headed easily. However, what intrigued him was another signature that was much smaller and seemed familiar. It was only when he saw you being thrown to the ground by the mountain troll as if you were nothing but a book.
"Fuck," You groaned, trying to get up and running away but the monster grabbed you by the leg and dragged you closer to it. You were already so weak from trying to run away from the brute, and it was getting so frustrating and hopeless as you were a lot smaller and weaker than the thing. To be frank, you could've taken Weiss out and performed magic to daze the monster so you could make your escape but that would be counterproductive as it would leave a signature and you were trying to not get caught or found by anyone. So equipped with only your with and your desperation to survive, you tried your best to pry the hand of the monster off of you by throwing whatever your hands could grab from the ground at it. But it was no use, it had no effect whatsoever and it even looked unbothered. A loud cry was ripped out of your throat when you felt its claws sink into your skin, to ensure that you wouldn't go anywhere and it was then that you realized that you were facing the last moments of your life without having your task completed.
Thankfully, Yunho stepped in just as the troll was about to drag you by your injured leg to its dwelling, possibly to be torn apart and eaten by its group. With unmatched strength and clean movements, Yunho easily sliced the monster's arm off of you and sent it running to the other side, growling, howling, and injured. Yunho could've run after it to finish the job like how he was trained to do, but he was more worried about you. When he turned his back to offer you some help, you weren't where you initially were and it made Yunho panic slightly as he hadn't even gotten the chance to talk to you. His eyes darted around to see you limping away in the direction from which you were running away from. "Hey!" Yunho called out, jogging to catch up with you easily as you were injured and he was not human.
To be quite honest, Yunho actually felt glad that he saw you again after a long while. There was a sense of relief that came with seeing and confirming that it was indeed you; his chest felt lighter as if a weight has been lifted off and he actually felt... happy. Said happiness was ripped away from him however when he first noticed that you weren't where you were on the ground. "What are you doing?" his hands shot out as you stumbled slightly, situating them near your body so if you were to fall, he could catch you, "We should be getting you back to the castle! You're injured!" he exclaimed, cringing when he saw your bloodied leg that you still forcibly use to stand. It felt odd for him to be so nice to you especially since your nice gestures had been reciprocated with nothing but disdain and rejection from him for months.
Much to his surprise, you barely spared him a glance as you shook your head whilst simultaneously producing Weiss into the open air. Oh, how the tables have turned. "Go away, Yunho, I have important work to do," ouch. "Like hell you do, you need to be taken care of right now," your stubbornness was almost endearing to Yunho at that moment as it reminded him of his mates, specifically Hongjoong. It was no secret that the leader has his priorities set on his pride and his pride only so more often than not, they were forced to use force on their leader to make sure that he gets his rest. So out of instinct, Yunho held your elbows so he could usher you to the castle to get some help and hopefully some answers. But his heart stopped in his chest when he felt you slap his hands away as you turned to look at him. Yunho's eyes widened at the impact, completely stunned and surprised. You were glaring at him but he could see that it wasn't hatred, not from how your bottom lip was trembling and tears were brimming in your eyes. "Don't make this harder than it has to Yunho, go away," you said before turning around and going back to "work" just a little bit further away from Yunho.
Yunho followed suit and he was about to scold you for not wanting his help when he watched what you were doing. Your hands moved in almost a graceful manner, going into your pocket and producing a white powder to spread on the grassy ground as you recite a spell. Slowly, a translucent film-like barrier appeared from the place where the powder was spread and up to the sky. He didn't know how tall it was, but he had a good idea of what it exactly was. "You put up a barrier to keep us inside," Yunho muttered as his eyes slowly trailed from the barrier down to you who had moved further away to continue the process. "Were you trying to imprison us?" the question had no malice in them but the way he immediately thought the worse of you made you flinch slightly, "Of course not, if I wanted to do that, Wooyoung wouldn't have been able to visit my cottage," you sighed before continuing your work. Immediately, Yunho's eyes widened at your revelation, "How did you know that? Have you been spying on us?" again, he didn't mean any harm, it was just that he was in such a state of shock that it caused him to have a poor choice of language. Still, you didn't know that and it still hurt. "No, I was never spying on you all. I was making sure that you all were safe from hunters," you planned on concluding your explanation there, clapping your hands to get the remnants of powder off before limping away.
Of course, your exit was not made easy. Yunho grabbed your arm and turned you to him, this time looking at you with genuine worry in his eyes. "(y/n) please, come back with me to the castle, you need help from the healers!"
You had been hoping for months that one of them other than Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Mingi would reach out to you and asked you to stay just as Yunho was doing. But you couldn't shake off the fear Seonghwa had struck you. You couldn't even go back to living in your cottage as you were afraid that he might find you just to make sure that you were really gone or that Wooyoung or Yeosang might find you and brought you back or even just told him that they saw you back in your cottage. You couldn't risk it and you couldn't risk going to your mother's place as they could sense the dragon off of you and they might enchant you to tell them where they were. So you hid in plain sight, you set up camp in the meadows, right where you fell off after your encounter with Seonghwa and stayed there even after your barrier was set up and it was a good thing that you did because, during the past three weeks, several hunters got close to the area and you had to drive them away with enchantments and monsters ran rampage that almost broke the ward in the barrier. You had pride in your work, everyone inside was not able to look past it and those outside can't peek in except for you. If they even thought of venturing past, the barrier would incept their minds and lead them to go back to the clan instead. Of course, they were able to go out past the barrier, but not from the front entrance that you set which was the area of your camp, they were very much welcome to use the path past the river. You mostly patrol the front entrance and every once in a while, you were able to see some of them with other patrolmen. Mostly Yunho and Jongho, but you remembered seeing Yeosang and how weak he looked just three days after you left. You really wanted to hold him, hug him, tell him that you were sorry for leaving without saying anything but it was for his own good. And then you saw Wooyoung in your cottage. You didn't mean to follow him per se, you were just making sure that in his frantic state, the hunters wouldn't find him or he wouldn't do anything stupid. You even had to enchant him to go back and that was the last time you saw him.
It took everything in you to not give up and tell Yunho everything; what had happened and most importantly, how much you wanted to go back home to them, be with them. But you couldn't. You don't belong there with them.
"I'm sorry Yunho," you whispered. Before he could ask what you meant, you had placed your fingers on his temple, the touch allowed your powers to permeate Yunho's mind and sent him into a frozen state. You could feel his consciousness lowering ever so slightly as you recite the spell that would make him think that this was a dream and send him home. Yunho could feel it, your magic coursing through him and it felt warm, it felt nothing like what his elders told him a witch's magic was like. As you and him connected on that deep of a level, unbeknownst to you, Yunho was able to feel your pain, fear, longing, and love that wasn't just for Wooyoung and Yeosang, but for every single one of them including his clan. It was his first taste of pure and genuine love and devotion and he felt safe in it. Just before Yunho lost consciousness completely, he said something that surprised you as it was the first time someone had managed to peek out from your mind spell. "W-What about Yeosang? What about Wooyoung? They- we, we need you." A soft, sad smile appeared on your face and you shook your head at him, deciding to say something that you had no idea he would take to heart completely.
"He'll be fine. They both will, take care of them for me please."
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
The guilt was eating Seonghwa inside and out.
It had been a week since Hongjoong's revelation that you were supposedly their mate too and he felt like he was going insane. Days spent putting out one fire after the other with Hongjoong but thankfully it wasn't literal fire like the ones before. The things he had to handle were mostly over his mates being so unfocused they made mistakes in their jobs. San accidentally hurt himself during patrol, gashing his own leg by mistake when he tripped and fell down the stairs so harsh he had to be put to rest for two days. Jongho looked so worn out that he actually broke down crying one night to Seonghwa, saying that he didn't feel quite right and it was exhausting knowing something's wrong but not knowing where to start fixing it. Yeosang and Wooyoung were still in the same state; Yeosang's weak with cheeks hollowed, lifeless as he remained catatonic in his bed while Wooyoung reached a new level of despair; only saying "(y/n) please come back, i need you," as he made numerous attempts to travel out of the castle to find you only to pass out not even three steps from the garden. Frankly the only functional ones were Mingi and Yunho, keeping up with their duties while filling in wherever they were needed. Yunho was especially surprising because he suddenly spend his nights in Wooyoung's room, accompanying and making sure that he was okay before leaving to rest himself.
But everyone had their limits and this was it for Seonghwa.
He couldn't admit this before but he felt that his chest was hollow, his heart beating without his heart being there and his passion diminishing. Even Hongjoong took notice of this when he noticed Seonghwa slowly skipping his meals and remained to himself for the majority of the time, not saying anything when it wasn't truly dire. This, of course, led to fights between the two eldest as Hongjoong was afraid that he would be the last one standing, holding onto every last bit of remaining sanity in the group desperately while his partner was reduced to something similar to Yeosang. Seonghwa kept trying to convince Hongjoong (and himself) by repeating over and over again that he wouldn't, that he had a better grip on his sanity and control over his urges than Yeosang because he had never done the mating ritual with you. But of course, what he neglected to tell Hongjoong was the fact that he was so guilt-ridden that he has been functioning on anxiety for a couple of days and he had been travelling outside for a bit every day in hopes to see you. For the first time ever, Seonghwa was actually disappointed that he didn't see you anywhere near the castle and not even your cottage every time he checked there.
You truly did believe that he would end you and somehow he disliked that. The idea sent a bitter taste to his mouth like poison or rancid meat.
Now, however, he had to put his feelings and stress aside because he had to deal with Wooyoung who had once again left his bedroom without anyone noticing to venture out of the castle in search of you. With frantic steps, Seonghwa looked for Wooyoung, hoping that he'd be in the garden where you and he once spent hours cultivating and replanting herbs to be used or studied, or in the library where you spent the whole night reading dragon folklore to Wooyoung while stroking his hair, or even in the kitchen where you two stole cookies in broad daylight as a challenge to see if either of you were as subtle as you claimed. It surprised Seonghwa how he know so much about your behaviour yet claimed that he had no care for you whatsoever. Maybe he had been too stubborn to admit the fact that despite your identity, the connection was truly there and it was strong. His stubbornness also exists within the actions that he made namely not telling anyone else that Wooyoung had once again made a crazy escape in a very unwell state because he thought that as the oldest and the second in command, the last thing he needed to do was to involve people who were resting and made it seem like he couldn't handle certain issues by himself. God forbid that.
Suddenly Seonghwa remembered where you would sometimes take Wooyoung when you couldn't find the herbs you needed to make your (demonic mind control) potion. "Shit, he better not be there," despite his complaining, Seonghwa transformed as he jumped up to fly to where he thought Wooyoung might be. It was at the bottom of the hill where there were tons of stumps where mushrooms could grow freely and due to the type of wood growing in the area, there was one type of mushroom, a special and rare one, that could either heal someone's ailments and clean the body or kill them when consumed incorrectly. He remembered you talking about that because you had once prepared the drink for Seonghwa after he spent two weeks dealing with an issue with the neighbouring clan and was so close to passing out. Of course, back then he accused you of trying to murder him and slapped the glass off your hands harshly so that there was a large red mark on your skin for the next couple of days. Ironically, when he did pass out, he was brought back to good health by your mushroom incense which made him throw up all the toxins and fatigue that accumulated in his body from his neglecting it so bad which to stay true to his hatred towards you, he claimed that his body was rejecting whatever it was you used to incapacitate him and decided to just be better so he could fight you off.
From the sky, Seonghwa could barely see anything through the thick trees but he tried his best to sense Wooyoung. After all, he was weak and slow, it shouldn't be too hard to locate him. It wasn't until he heard sobs and a voice calling out for your name so brokenheartedly that Seonghwa dove down and transformed as he reached to ground to see Wooyoung lying on the dirty ground limply as his hands tried to pull the grass so he could crawl to his destination. Seeing him like this made Seonghwa's eyes water and his heart clench so painfully harshly that he thought it might stop beating. This was all his doing, it was all his fault for making a single-handed decision out of his sheer stubbornness and trauma, incapable of considering the fact that his mates might have been right about you because he thought he knew best.
"Wooyoung," he called out, wiping the tears that were cascading down his cheeks as he crouched down near the man who looked so broken and lost and abandoned. Wooyoung didn't even acknowledge Seonghwa's presence, he kept trying his best to pull himself forward more but the lack of strength in his body did nothing but gave him frustration. "Wooyoung," Seonghwa tried calling him again, his voice cracking slightly as he grabbed the younger dragon by the shoulders to stop him from moving more and potentially hurting him. The sight of his dirty, tattered shirt was something Seonghwa didn't look forward to finding out. To his surprise, Wooyoung was able to shrug his grasp off of him, making his escape by using whatever was left in him to stand up. "I need to see (y/n)," he croaked, lifeless eyes staring forward at seemingly nothing, "She needs me, she's calling for me," though he said with little to no facial muscle movement, the tears that sprung from his eyes indicated just how desperate he was.
The thought of scooping Wooyoung and simply taking him away flashed in Seonghwa's head. It would be so easy to just grab him and take him away, God knows it would be best for the both of them. But Seonghwa felt in his gut that he wouldn't be able to cope with the knowledge that he has once again done something that was against what his mate wanted. Another thought flashed in Seonghwa's head, was he about to let his mate do something that could potentially end his life? Not on his watch. So how was he going to convince Wooyoung to return home?
Seonghwa's deep thoughts were cut short when he heard rustles coming from the darkness in front of them and soon cloaked figures emerged from the shadows. The second they stepped close enough, Seonghwa could smell the stench on them, the stench of dead dragons. "Dragon hunters," he muttered to himself, highly alert and swiftly pulling Wooyoung back against him. It didn't even matter to him that Wooyoung was thrashing like crazy, sounds and words from Wooyoung's mouth muddled together, making him incoherent. While this just made Seonghwa panic more, as his brain immediately thought of ways how he could get both himself and the inconsolable younger dragon out of there safely, the hunters seemed to find Seonghwa's state of panic highly amusing.
One of the hunters took his hood down to reveal his face which was half hidden by a headpiece made from intricately placed dragon scales with sections that go down his jaw to his chin decorated with dragon teeth. It was highly disrespectful to wear the carcass of such majestic creatures like that but of course, those hunters don't care, the more ridiculous they looked the higher regard they got from their fellow hunters.
"Looks like we have our work half done for us, boys. We can get the crazy one to the Head of the Coven and have her turn him into a puppet for children's show or for the circus," he laughed with boisterous laughter following after him. "The taller one we can use for accessories. Did you see the colour of his scales? We'll make bank with a lot left for ourselves," the hunter's eyes zeroed in on Seonghwa as if Seonghwa was a treasure that he had been looking for.
Horror struck Seonghwa and dread washes over his body at the mention of his dragon form. It was his fault that the hunters found them, he led them here because he couldn't be bothered to take the hard way and be discreet as he looked for Wooyoung. Not to mention his stubbornness and need to prove himself that led to him not alerting the others that Wooyoung was gone and that he needed help was going to be the reason his other mates will blame themselves if anything were to happen to them both.
"Get them, but make sure you don't nick their skins, I want to make sure we can get the best price," the same man said simply, cockily looking down at Seonghwa and Wooyoung as if he was sure that he was going to get the both of them. His confidence effectively struck his companions positively as they soon took menacing steps forward, seemingly to corner Seonghwa. Between making sure he had a secure grip on Wooyoung and trying to find a way to escape, Seonghwa couldn't even estimate the number of hunters around them. Were there more? Are they surrounded? What weapons do they have? Which clan did they come from? What do they want? There were thousands of questions running through Seonghwa's head which didn't help with him concocting a way to escape.
For some reason, Seonghwa was calling to you in his head. It was odd, he didn't know what it was exactly that you could've done and to be quite frank, he had always mocked you for it, calling you useless and unnecessary because he couldn't be bothered to learn about your power. Despite that, he was calling for you in his head because he had a feeling that you would know what to do to deal with the hunters and even how to deal with Wooyoung and perhaps even calm him down a little. The grip Seonghwa had on Wooyoung was trembling slightly, he was slowly consumed with uncertainty and anxiety and he feared that the hunters must have had something on them that made Seonghwa feel like so. According to their words, they must have had witches living among them and they have been helping these hunters capture dragons. He could only assume that those witches are powerful too because Seonghwa felt his legs trembling and his chest tightening, he was slowly being overcome with anxiety and while he was still able to function, Wooyoung was wailing. With each step the hunters took closer to them, the more sure Seonghwa was that it would be the end of him and Wooyoung. His grip slipped ever so slowly but he still tried to hold on to the younger dragon, he wanted to hold on. Because however, the situation will end, he wanted to be selfless and be there for the mate that needed him.
When a sound popped out from the left side of the hunters, Seonghwa was damn near using the last of his sanity to turn into his dragon form and breathed fire at whoever made that sound. But it was a good thing he didn't because he immediately recognized you standing there, looking seemingly harmless but he noticed the determination in your eyes and it was enchanting.
"And what the fuck are you supposed to be?" One of the hunters scoffed at you, thinking that you must be a joke.
With a raised eyebrow, you whipped Weiss out and shoved both hands into your skirt pockets. "The last thing you'll ever see, unfortunately," in a split second, your gaze shifted to Seonghwa and though you spoke in a low, almost whisper-like tone that seemed to sound louder than it actually is and echoed in his ears, "Duck"
As soon as Seonghwa's front side made contact with the ground with Wooyoung in his death grip, he heard something sizzling that was followed by the smell of something burning and men screaming around him. Seonghwa couldn't look around as the sound of men screaming into the night was deafening and it caused his body to freeze in utter shock. The only thing he could see was you standing a little far away from him and Wooyoung, face emotionless with hands covered in a thin layer of white powder and your chest slightly heaving. Seonghwa didn't know what was happening and frankly, he was rather hesitant to find out because whatever it was you did wasn't good.
Your eyes met Seonghwa soon and his stomach dropped, he had never seen you like that before and he suddenly felt the urge to say a lot of things to you. He wasn't sure what those things were, but he knew there was too much to say. He was about to get up and run to you when you lifted a hand to him and shook your head, "Run," you said simply, taking small steps to inconspicuously return to the safety of the shadows. Though he wouldn't admit it out loud, Seonghwa felt his heart clench when you told him to run, to go AWAY from you instead of TO you. He could only assume that you would be happy that he finally wanted to be close to you but instead you were acting so cold and dismissive towards him. The screams of men in pain snapped Seonghwa back to reality, however, realizing that all of the hunters were in fact distracted enough that they wouldn't even attempt to follow him if he were to safely return home. You had provided him with an escape.
So Seonghwa did what he thought he should do despite the aching feeling of uncertainty about whether or not he or any one of his mates would see you again, he had to prioritize and at that moment, Wooyoung seemed more important than anything else. He grabbed Wooyoung and moved to pull him up despite him wailing for you, calling out your name and trying to claw his way out of Seonghwa's grip. "Wooyoung, snap out of it!" without hesitance, Seonghwa slapped Wooyoung across his face which seemed to stun him enough to focus on Seonghwa, "We need to get out of here! We don't have time to spare or chances left!" Desperation palpable in his voice and the eyes that conveyed a thousand emotions finally penetrated into Wooyoung's mind and for the first time in weeks, he was able to give a sound response. Slowly, Wooyoung nodded and stood up, wincing as he realized just how sore and weak his body was while Seonghwa followed suit. Hastily, Seonghwa pulled Wooyoung further away from the group of wailing men, "You need to turn and fly away home, okay? Call for help, and I'll distract them as best as I could to make sure they don't follow you," Wooyoung opened his mouth to say something but Seonghwa raised his hand to stop him, "You are in no condition to argue with me, just trust me and do as I said."
Of course, even with Seonghwa's order, Wooyoung's heart still yearns for you, he wanted to be with you after being separated for so long. Hoping that he would be able to make eye contact with you, Wooyoung glanced to where you were standing only to be met with the sight of shadows casting through the woods. "Go!" Seonghwa growled, pushing Wooyoung slightly away when he only stood still. Reluctantly, Wooyoung shifted and flew back as quickly as he could to the castle, roaring in the air in hopes that someone from the clan heard him.
Seonghwa was too preoccupied with making sure that Wooyoung was okay that he neglected to see the leader of the hunter group coming at him with an obsidian blade. He only realized what was happening when he caught his shadow moving from the corner of his eyes and even then, Seonghwa knew that it was too late for him, he was going to be stabbed with a poisonous blade and he could potentially die. Things started to move in slow motion and his eyes closed, defeated, as he waited for the pain to strike him whilst he continuously reassured himself that even though he was going to die, he managed to get Wooyoung to safety first.
The sound of the blade taking flesh in between flesh was gut-wrenching to Seonghwa and he could only imagine how the stone would interact with his dragon blood, turning everything toxic and rotting his flesh from the inside out.
He waited and waited, but the pain never came. When his eyes finally opened, he was beyond shocked to see you in front of him, the blade nesting in your right shoulder as you stared up at the hunter dead in the face. There were a lot of things that Seonghwa didn't expect from you and on the very top of that list were you jumping in front of danger for him, putting your life at risk for him. He expected you to do that for the others, even Hongjoong (since he's the clan leader), but not him. Never him.
"Wrong move," you spat and before either he or Seonghwa could react, you pressed your powder-covered hands to his face. Then Seonghwa saw it, he saw the man's face sizzling under your touch in the areas where his dragon scale helmet was and around its area. As if it wasn't enough, you mumbled spells that soon caused blood to leak from the man's eyes, his pupils constricting to the point that they were mere dots as his throat vibrated with the agonizing cry he let out.
Only when the man dropped to the ground at your feet that you let your arms fall to your sides. Slowly, you turned to Seonghwa and Seonghwa could see the more relaxed expression on your face. Then his gaze dropped to your body, specifically to your blood-drenched hands. He didn't know whether it was the hunter's blood or yours, everything was just too messy for him to see clearly and he didn't even know where to start looking. "(y/n)..." he called out reaching out to take your arm in his grip gently but you scurried away abruptly as if you were scared, you would've continued if it wasn't for the tree that you accidentally hit, making you wince from the pain of the blade. "Please don't kill me," you whimpered slightly, inching to the side of the tree in hopes that you could make a quick exit. The words somehow struck Seonghwa deeply, he was well aware that he was the one who threatened to kill you in the first place but he never realized that you would be so affected by it. The fear in your eyes when you looked at Seonghwa without the safety of hunters to excuse your presence somehow bothered him. Just a couple of weeks ago Seonghwa would've taken great pride in instilling such crippling fear into you, but now he just hated how you wanted to get away from them now. From him.
"You're hurt..." Though his voice was wavering slightly, Seonghwa tried his best to keep a strong front, wanting to show that he wasn't letting his emotions get the best of him. And it worked, you only took further steps away from him because you felt that he was being so stoic and perhaps he was giving you a false sense of security just to trap you and kill you. So you quickly shook your head at him, not wanting his words to influence your decision to go back into hiding and plan a better strategy to protect them.
With every faltering step back you took, Senoghwa seemed to want to follow and it scared you. He wasn't taking more steps than you but his strides were longer. Right then and there, you could feel a pull to him, a pull that you've experienced with Wooyoung and again with Yeosang when he finally opened his heart to accept you romantically. The feeling was warm and comforting, reassuring of your safety and life despite the poison that was entering your bloodstream. You had been so focused on Seonghwa that you didn't even notice the little trick the leader hunter pulled to ensure incapacity towards any of his enemies, dragons or not. The poison he used was deadly to dragons, capable of paralyzing them in 30 seconds and completely killing them in 20 minutes. While it wasn't as deadly to humans, you didn't have much time until you grow weak in your tent and die slowly for days whilst locked in your own body, able to feel everything but unable to do anything.
Thinking that the chicken dance you and Seonghwa were doing could last a while, you decided that you should just make your escape so you could treat your wound as soon as possible. With a smile thrown at Seonghwa, your feet took their position to run, "I'm glad you both are safe." Seonghwa's body went into an immediate state of panic as he heard you say that, alarm bells started going off in his brain knowing that that was your way of saying goodbye. He had been so determined to find you and bring you home, how could he just let you go? It wasn't like he was trying to force you to come with him or even kidnap you, but he wanted to bring you back home where you belong. The home that Seonghwa had so selfishly taken away from you and for what, pride? In the name of trauma? Nothing could excuse his behaviour and that was why he wanted to make sure that he could make up for it. And he couldn't do it when the person he wanted to make up to isn't there.
As you turned around to flee, you felt something shoot up your spine and your vision turned black. The pain made you want to scream and you could've sworn you were screaming in pain. But in reality, your face was lax and your body swayed to the side, gravity doing its job pulling you to the ground when all strength left your body. The last thing you hear was the sound of someone calling your name, then a couple more that was followed by flaps of wings and rushed steps. You must've imagined things. Out of all, however, Seonghwa's voice was more prominent and you could've sworn the palm that supported your head as you fell belonged to him. Well, you must've been beyond delusional which means the poison was doing such a marvellous job. This was maybe the sound that was sending you off to the afterlife and to be honest, you could be hearing worse.
Now all you had to do was welcome what comes next.
Whatever it was.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
"Hyung?"
Seonghwa's head snapped up to the door when he heard someone calling for him. The door to your room was shut with a heavy thud and Mingi came walking in with some things in his hands. "I thought you were told to rest," the younger sighed, displeased that his older mate was disregarding the words of healers who had instructed Seonghwa to take it easy on himself. Seonghwa shook his head as his gaze dropped back to the woman sleeping on the bed, looking like a corpse with how she was unmoving and unresponsive but still alive as indicated by the flush on her cheeks and lips. Since when do Seonghwa think of you like that?
Though Mingi was worried for him, Seonghwa only waved a hand dismissively at him, "No, I... I put her in this situation, I should take care of her."
When Seonghwa brought you back to the castle, not only were his mates up and about due to Wooyoung's warning (and being absolutely surprised that Wooyoung was functioning normally), but they were preparing to save you and Seonghwa. So when they saw Seonghwa in your arms, they thought that you had died. Chaos ensued when Seonghwa reassured everyone that you weren't dead but were definitely dying if you weren't treated immediately. Coming to his senses first, Yunho scooped you from Seonghwa's arms and carried you to the house of the head healer just outside the castle area followed by Yeosang who regained some strength at the mention of you and also Wooyoung. As soon as you were out of sight, Seonghwa dropped to his knees, legs lost all strength as tears poured out of his eyes, coating the skin of his cheeks in a glittery sheen. That was when he grabbed Hongjoong's hands and confessed to what he did, how he threatened to end you because he thought you helped orchestrated an attack. He confessed how he almost did kill you that night, how he single-handedly exiled you because he thought he was doing what was best for everyone. He confessed how it was his fault Yeosang and Wooyoung almost lost their minds and how the others were suffering, not realizing that it was because their mate was told to stay away from them.
That night Seonghwa received nothing but confused, cold glances from his mates even as he was being patched up. It wasn't that they hated him for what he did nor were they mad, it was just the fact that Seonghwa kept such a big secret from them. Moreover, after Wooyoung recounted how you had saved him and Seonghwa from out of nowhere which prompted them to ask Seonghwa how you got stabbed by an obsidian blade. Of course, Seonghwa told them everything, he told them about how you jumped in front of him with no hesitance which saved him completely from danger. Then there was a conversation of dragon's honour, how they should never bite the hand that fed them (literally or not). Mingi was the first to innocently bring up the fact that you had been but nice and generous to Seonghwa but he had only returned your kind gestures in utter disdain. Hongjoong defended Seonghwa by saying that despite his actions, he did not break a dragon's honour as you had never saved his life before. Then surprisingly, Jongho backed Mingi up by saying that the dragon's honour doesn't only apply to live-saving situations, it also applies to general, mundane situations which prompted Hongjoong to snap at the youngest, saying something along the lines of "If I remembered correctly, you wanted to stake and burn her to see if, and I quote, 'she smells like rotting eel like the rest of her coven' when she first came to us" which was not received well by Jongho.
Now, five days later, you were still not up but the tension amongst his mates had died down and things had started to turn for the better. The warriors were less antsy and got even more confident with the additional good news that Yeosang was finally cleared to come back on duty 3 days ago. Wooyoung was once again able to function normally, returning to his studies with the healers whilst sharing the recipes he learnt from you during the time you lived together. Hongjoong was finally able to calm the council and was able to address the questions regarding the citizen's safety with more assurance. Mingi brought the good news that you were back to the hatchlings and they were more than elated, immediately asking Mingi when they could see you again which made him so happy. And Seonghwa felt much more at ease with knowing that you were there with him, knowing that they were once again whole despite your comatose state. One thing for sure though, you were never left alone without anyone's watch. Wooyoung, Yeosang, and Mingi had taken it upon themselves to sleep in your room with you with Mingi dragging a (not so) begrudging Yunho with him. Jongho would only stand guard outside your door in the afternoons when everyone else was too busy with their own duties while San would stand guard inside your room but away from you, both were still feeling awkward because they had been so bad towards you and they didn't feel their fussing over you would be justified. Hongjoong would keep watch from afar and through his staff, asking questions directly to the healers or (not so) casually asking the members on watch about your condition during their supper. Seongwha remained a constant by your side though, adamant about being there when you woke up. He would do his duties from his seat and only leave when absolutely necessary and even then, he would rush and make sure someone was in the room with you.
Whilst keeping watch on you, Seonghwa made the realization that you were the difference that they needed. It could be because of the fact that you were destined to be mated with all eight of them, but it was also possible that it was because you were... you. Never had he experienced such a drastic difference that happened with a person's absence and presence. It was as if you forged their life force, your mere presence elevated their energy in more ways than one. He had been a fool to let his ego cloud his judgement.
Mingi walked towards you with a gentle smile on his face, his hand gently placing a flower crown on top of your head, "Hi there, I... made this when I took the hatchlings outside to learn about nature. They missed you so much," he wanted to say how he missed you too, but the presence of Seonghwa only made him swallow his own words. Mingi then turned to the older male, sighing when he saw his eyes busily darting through scrolls for different businesses that Seonghwa needed to tend. "I'm worried for you, hyung," Mingi confessed, eyebrows scrunched in slight frustration at the older's stubbornness. "I said I'm fine," Seonghwa sighed, putting his scrolls down on the desk next to him to look at Mingi with a small smile, "Don't worry about me, okay? I know my limits and I just want to make sure (y/n) comes out of this okay," he reassured him. It seemed like Mingi wanted to say something, but the stare Seonghwa gave him made him shut his mouth as if telling him it was pointless to argue with him, he wasn't going to budge. So Mingi simply nodded and left the room after giving your hand a gentle squeeze to return to his evening duties.
Once he was back alone with you, Seonghwa thought that it was best for him to focus back on completing his task, he was quite behind already and he didn't like leaving his duties like that. But as he was about to delve back into his scrolls, he couldn't help but look at your sleeping figure and his legs automatically took steps closer to you. Every time he looked at your face, he couldn't help but remember the frightened look on your face the day he almost killed you. While he used to find pride in it, now he couldn't help but be embarrassed of himself, embarrassed of how he threatened someone who bore no arms as it wasn't a noble thing of him to do no matter the person. Above that, he was embarrassed of himself for treating his mates' mate like that. The regret played over and over in his head as if to mock his lack of judgement and he knew he deserved it, he was willing to bear the shame brought by his own stupidity and more if it could bring you back. The healers kept reassuring him that you would be up but they couldn't really know when and that scared him, the uncertainty and vagueness only made him stress more.
With the gentlest of touch, he traced your hand that was resting on your stomach, flipping them over to graze over the burnt skin as he winced, imagining the pain you must've felt. Turns out, when you burnt that hunter's face with the powder you had, the direct contact made your own skin burn and while it will heal, the pain you must've endured was more than you should have felt. "I'm sorry..." tears built in Seonghwa's eyes as his eyebrows furrowed tightly, creating a crease in the space between, "When you get out of this, I'll make sure to pay you back a thousandfold, you hear me?"
The lack of answer made Seonghwa fall to his knees by your bed with your hands still in his grip. His face rested by your hip as he cried hard, body shaking and hands trembling with overwhelming emotions. Seonghwa didn't even know why he was crying, it wasn't like you were dead despite him seeing your unresponsive body. He was glad that you were back with him despite not knowing how you would react when you finally came to and realized that you were back in the dwelling of the person who claimed wanted you dead if you ever showed your face again. But he knew a lot of them wanted you there with them and he knew you knew that fact too whilst also knowing that before this, the majority of them disprove your existence amongst them and had even pulled petty pranks as hiding Weiss in the dungeons for three days which caused you to panic and even stated their disdain towards you and your kind right to your face. So really, what was Seonghwa crying about?
"I'm so sorry," Seonghwa's voice cracked from raw emotion like he never felt before, his cheeks wet with tears that dropped and pooled on your bed. He tried looking up at you again, but he couldn't bear the sight for long before he hunched over with his face on your stomach, crying even harder. His lips kept mumbling apologies like it was a prayer or a mantra, not knowing what else to say to you as he felt his transgressions towards you had really crossed all the lines that exist in the world. But even then, especially then, you showed him nothing but kindness and genuineness. Seonghwa gripped the blanket over your body and the shirt you were wearing tightly in his hands as if to anchor him to reality, whatever it was.
A sudden touch to his head stopped Seonghwa's cries almost immediately because he thought he was imagining things, maybe his mind was starting to play tricks on him. Seonghwa snapped his head to your face only to be greeted with the sight of you smiling gently at him, your eyes lively and smile like a fresh breath of spring that made his chest bloom. Then he felt your fingers carding through his hair slowly and gently as if the action was filled with nothing but affection.
"Purposeless tears can kill your fire, dragon. Why are you wasting them?" though your voice was cracked from the dryness of your throat, it still sounded melodious to Seonghwa.
For the first time ever since you knew all of them, Seonghwa cracked a smile, albeit a teary one. He gently took the hand that was on his head and pressed them to his lips before moving them to his cheek where he kept it to enjoy the warmth of your life with his thumb gently caressing the inside of your palm. The initial fear of you rejecting him died within seconds, now being proven that you only had love and care for him just by how you were gazing at him. Seonghwa didn't even care if it was his imagination or if it was the delusional side of his brain trying to compensate for his guilt because he was seeing actual proof in front of him. Proof that you woke up from him opening his heart to you.
"No one could kill you, my fire, I won't let anything kill you."
And you believed him.
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The Astral Prism Isn't Grindr!- Why the Emperor didn't catfish you.🦑
Very long, rambling post I wrote while manic at 4 am. Enjoy!
I feel like the worst thing you can actually say about Emp in regards to his actions towards the player is that he lies by omission. But even then, to consider it lying you basically have to work from the perspective that you as a player, person, character or whatever, are entitled to know everything about someone you just met, who might have some very good reasons for not wanting to reveal certain things
He didn't "catfish" you the prism isn't grindr lmao?! And the game/companions/etc repeat to you over and over that the Dream Visitor is some kind of manufactured vision. You all have one and it's specific to your individual minds. He wasn't exactly doing some deepcover shit with a fake backstory to get your cryptowallet information or whatever real-life equivalence you keep trying to make. As if you run into alien squid monsters every day or something!
It's doubly bizarre because there is an extremely popular companion character whose entire arc is ACTUALLY lying to you about who they are, only admitting it when you catch them attacking you in your sleep, and then goes on to try to ACTUALLY manipulate you with sex and intimacy while at that point, not actually feeling it. This is the most popular character in the fandom btw- Astarion.
Emperor's morality is held up to a ridiculous standard. Not even the companions are held to that level- not even close!
A better equivalence to his situation than "catfishing" (a term completely exclusive to our world) would be if a sentient, alien creature was stranded on our planet and had to use a disguise to y'know....not be shot at and killed by confused humans? Why the heck would your brain first jump to catfishing? Girl if you approached your DG as a tindr date that's on you! Lliterally the only prompt the game gives you before creating them is "you need a guardian" (At least currently that's how it works, after official release.)
if you met a kind of weird guy and fell for him and he then revealed he's actually a sentient squid monster, I don't think your first response would be "OMG YOU CATFISHED ME?" I'm pretty sure it would be "HOLY FUCK A SQUID MONSTER!" because it would be very obvious and apparent (by virtue of them being a squid monster) that the intent was not to "catfish" you, but to survive a world that would be actively hostile towards him, on sight.
We accept this type of "ambiguous morality for the sake of survival" from characters like Astarion who are traditionally attractive, but we don't accept it from a being whose very appearance, forces them into that position of moral ambiguity. Emperor is not afforded the same privilege of even being able to consider full honesty, because just one look at him could make someone hysterical. Hiding himself from you is not an active choice he's able to make, anymore than a turtle can choose to break open it's shell- it will die.
Even if YOU wouldn't kill him, what about companions like Lae'zal, who are already suspicious of him and will definitely cut him down at that point? Even if you think that would be a good thing, you would then lose your protection from the tadpole/the Absolute. The game basically wouldn't exist without the Prism.
Let's also not use "well Astarion is traumatized" as an excuse here. Emperor is pretty obviously traumatized as well, in addition to being a brain-eating squid monster and having to manage that part of his nature, the way Astarion has to handle his. Yet he's still more up front than Astarion was. Astarion can accidentally kill you while drinking from you and he still doesn't reveal who he is to the others, AND pretends he doesn't know what happened to you lol.
Note my point here isn't "Astarion bad" but simply that if you have room in your heart to sympathize with characters like Astarion, then there's no reason you can't squeeze my man Emp in there too. He doesn't do anything significantly worse than any of the other main characters but is the most hated, and it's literally because of this ridiculous perception of him "catifshing" the player. The most media illiterate take I have ever seen in my life, honestly
Like first off, he's a squid, and secondly! ☝️ Read all that again.
tl;dr if you feel "cafished" by the Emperor you simply weren't paying attention for more than half the game. Fantasy might not be for you if you can't remove the plot from real life circumstances and turn complex fantasy monsters into human romance scammers, as if they're actually alike in any meaningful way.
Read more books maybe. That might help.
#the emperor#bg3 the emperor#emperor#bg3 emperor#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 spoilers#THIRD WAY I'M SAYING THIS:#this is an emp-positive post#stop going onto positive posts to whine at fans that you still hate the character#we don't do that shit to you with gor/tash or rap/hael or anyone else
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As a sucker for hurt/comfort, I especially adored the 9th chapter of your fic! And would love to read more of smth similar to that.
Perhaps smth like Rolan and Tav, both overworked and tense, snapping at each other and then avoiding each other's company (both because of anger but also mostly out of fear that the other one now hates them. Love me some good old miscommunication🤌).
This one is a bit more self-indulgent but I would also love it if Tav specifically self-isolates while trying to process all of the emotions and wants to hide their own feelings away even from themselves.
just a short and sweet one :)) thank you for your lovely words and for your very cute prompt. i hope you like it!!
SFW
read it on ao3
~~~
"Rolan. It's fine, trust me. I think I can manage. I do actually do magic, believe it or not."
"Just because you can do magic doesn't mean you're good at it."
Tav flinches at Rolan's harsh words as if he's punched her. It's not the first time someone's insinuated that she's bad at magic. People have always assumed that because she's a sorceress she never bothered to try and learn magic 'properly'. It's always used to hurt, when she was younger, but gradually as she's gotten older it's lost it's sting. She knows her own worth, her own abilities.
She's never heard it from someone she cares about.
She's never heard it from Rolan.
It feels like he's stuck a knife in the gut. It feels like he's gone straight for her jugular on purpose to hurt her as much as possible. She pushes down the urge to cry and raises her voice at him instead.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What, you think you're better than me?"
He scoffs, "of course I'm better than you, I've spent years studying, but what I mean is-"
"Fuck you! Just because you've studied doesn't mean you're superior! How many times have I saved your sorry ass? And you're gonna stand there and tell me you're better than me?!"
It's a low blow and she knows it, but she's so angry she can't find it in herself to care. She wants to hurt him the way he's hurt her, wants to lash out and defend herself and push him away so he doesn't hurt her again.
His eyes narrow, his voice raises, "what the fuck?! What's wrong with you?!"
"Fuck you!" Her voice cracks as she shouts at him, and she turns and storms off, racing out of the room before he can say anything else. She thinks she might hear him call her name, but if he does she can't hear it over the pounding of her heart in your ears.
She barges into the nearest cupboard she crosses paths with, slamming the door behind her and casting an arcane lock. And then she falls to her knees and sobs.
How fucking dare he? How fucking dare he say something like that to her. How dare he act like they haven't shared their hearts and their beds and their lives for the better part of the last 6 months. How dare he tell her he loves her and then tell her she's useless.
She's not upset. She's angry. She's not even sure why she's crying because she's not upset. It doesn't upset her. It makes her mad. She's not hurt.
Why would it hurt? She knows it's not true.
...
Except for the fact that deep down she believes him. Believes that she's not good enough. That no matter how much she studies and pores over texts and practices she'll never be as good as she wants to be. She'll never be as good as him.
He's right, because of course he is. He's better than her.
She sobs harder.
For the first time since they told each other they had feelings for one another, she sleeps in her own room. He doesn't come to find her.
~~~
It's three days before she has to see his face again. She'd been hoping to keep avoiding him for a bit longer, hide herself in her room so she could pretend her feelings don't exist, but eventually hunger wins out and she goes the kitchen to eat.
He finds her there that morning, rooting through the cupboards.
"Tav?" His voice behind her makes her whole body tense. She doesn't turn. "Can we talk?"
"What's there to talk about? I think you made it abundantly clear how you feel."
He lets out an exasperated sigh, "Tav, I didn't- I think you- I think possibly you misunderstood me."
A bitter laugh forces its way out of her chest. "Yes, sorry, please go ahead. I'm sure there's plenty of other meanings for 'you're not good at magic', though evidently I'm too stupid to have picked up on them."
"For Gods- Tav that's not what-"
"Not what you meant?" She whips around to face him. "Of course it is. You think you're better than me. You think I'm useless. And you think that I think I'm Mystra's gift to magic-users because I was born with magic. Guess what, Rolan! I don't! I fucking hate myself! So thank you for making it abundantly clear that you hate me too."
She's pretty sure most of what she said has nothing to do with the argument they're having, now that she thinks about it, but it's too late.
"Tav will you please just-"
"No, Rolan! No I won't. Because you fucking hurt my feelings and I don't want to fucking look at you right now."
As she storms past him to leave the room, she catches a glimpse of his tail, coiled tightly around his own leg, and she feels a stab of guilt.
~~~
The knock on her door later than night isn't entirely unexpected, though it is completely unwelcome.
"Go away, Rolan. I don't want to talk to you."
"It's me, Tav." It's Cal's voice, not Rolan's. "Can I come in? I brought you food."
"... Is he with you?"
He sighs. "No. He wanted to come, but I said no."
She pauses in front of the door. She likes Cal. She believes him.
She opens it. True to his word, Cal is alone, and he's holding a tray with a plate and glass of water on it. It looks like it's Lasagna, and it smells fucking delightful.
"... Can I come in?"
She sighs, and steps back to open the door wider.
He walks past and places the tray down on her bedside cabinet, and as she closes the door he perches on her bed.
"Go on then, give me the lecture."
He laughs, "Gods, Tav, I know Rolan's my brother but that doesn't mean we're the same. I just want to know what's going on."
She huffs. "He was rude to me."
He snorts, and when she glares at him he makes a big show of steeling himself, pulling a neutral face. "What?! Rolan?! Rude?! It can't be!"
There's a long pause while they stare at each other, before they both they both burst out laughing. It's stupid, that she's so angry at him but laughing about it anyway. Cal just has that effect on people.
She sighs. "I don't even remember what we were talking about anymore, but he turned around and basically said that I'm bad at magic."
Cal frowns. "Hm."
"What?"
"Nothing just," he shakes his head, chuckling lightly, "I don't understand why he'd say that, considering he's pretty much constantly singing your praises."
She frowns, "what do you mean?"
"I mean that after you saved Lia and I from Moonrise, when he finally realised he didn't hate you, he admitted he was jealous of you. He said your magic was beautiful and that you were powerful and disciplined. He said you could do with some practice, that you maybe needed some tutoring, but that he could tell you were a sorcerer from the moment he met you. He said he could feel the weave in you, that's how strong you are. That was actually when Lia and I started placing bets on when he'd realise he had feelings for you, because he wouldn't shut up about how great you were, and he didn't for months. So, not to call you a liar, but I struggle to believe he'd say that to you, because he definitely doesn't think it."
She doesn't know what to say to that, so she just stands there staring at him with her mouth hanging open. Eventually he sighs.
"Look, Tav. Rolan is an asshole, without a doubt. But consistently, since you saved us all in the shadow-lands, you're the one person he tries not to be an asshole to. I really think you should talk to him."
The pause is long, but eventually she sighs. She knows he's right, really.
"...Thanks, Cal. Really."
He smiles, "it's fine, honestly. I once went 2 weeks without speaking to him because he told me I swing my sword like I'm constipated."
She barks out a laugh at that, and they're cackling together again.
~~~
She steels herself; takes a few long, deep breaths and rolls her shoulders in hopes of easing the tension. Before she can decide otherwise, she's knocking on Rolan's door.
There's some muffled shuffling behind it, she hears him muttering something to himself, and after what feels like an age the door swings open.
"Tav?" He looks shocked, which makes her feel bad.
"... Can I come in?"
His eyes go soft, "of course you can."
Being back in his space makes her want to cry. She's missed him so much.
"Tav, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"
"No. Let me go first, please?"
He pauses. Nods.
She takes a deep breath. "You really did hurt my feelings when you said that I wasn't good at magic. But in hindsight I think I mostly hurt my own feelings. You're amazing and I spent however long travelling with Gale and I grew up around wizards and I've never felt good enough. As soon as you said I wasn't good it was like I was a kid again, trying to prove that I was worth something. But I worked really hard, I studied, even if it wasn't a proper wizard education. And even if you're better than me, I think I deserve your respect."
Rolan sighs, steps forwards and takes he hands. "Tav. I never said you were bad."
Her face screws up. He's really going to stand there and deny it?
"Yes, you did, you said-"
"I said 'just because you can do magic doesn't mean you're good at it'. I didn't say 'just because you can do magic doesn't mean that you're good at it. I didn't mean you. I meant it generally. Like, there are lots of people who aren't good at magic."
Her mouth drops open.
Oh.
"Oh."
He laughs, "upon reflection, I probably could've chosen my wording better, but I didn't know about- I didn't know you struggled with it. I always assumed you were super confident and realised how strong you are. You're brilliant at magic, Tav. I might be more practiced, but you're far more powerful."
She's crying, she knows she is, but she feels so stupid. He wraps her up in his arms.
"I didn't- I thought-"
"I'm so sorry, Tav. I really didn't mean it like that at all. You're spectacular. You inspire me. I didn't even fully realise how it sounded until after you left."
"No," She sniffles, looking up at him, "I'm sorry. You tried to explain and I wouldn't even listen. I was too busy wallowing. I thought you looked down on me."
He brings a hand up to her cheek, wipes away her tears, and presses a gentle kiss to her forehead. "Tav, you've saved me enough times to leave me eternally in your debt, and yet asked nothing in return. Not only are you strong, you're selfless. How could I ever look down on you?"
She doesn't answer. She buries her face in his chest and tightens her arms around his waist. His tail curls around her wrist and he holds her against him by her shoulders. When he speaks, he whispers into her hair.
"I'm sorry I didn't explain it properly. I was scared. I thought I'd messed everything up. I thought I'd lost you."
"Never."
He laughs, and she realises he's crying now because she can hear how wet it is. "Gods, I hope not."
They hold each other like that until they feel whole again.
~~~
#bg3#bg3 fanfiction#bg3 fic#baldur's gate 3#bg3 fanfic#bg3 fluff#bg3 rolan#bg3 fanfic prompt#bg3 requests#bg3 angst#bg3 tav#rolan#rolan bg3
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The Night Watch by Sarah Waters
THIS IS ALL SPOILERY AND ALL OF IT IS JUST GUSHING AND RAMBLING AND VIBES. NO ACTUAL REVIEW WE DIE LIKE MEN.
I love this book. We all know I love this book. I have read this book at least a dozen time sand we all know I'm going to read it again. I'm never sure whether I like this or Tipping the Velvet more, but I think as a piece of literature, this is the better book. (But Tipping the Velvet is the one I often recommend to people. Sarah Waters can be hard for some people to hang with and Tipping is her fluffiest.)
Kay Langrish, what a fucking piece of work this bitch is. She's so pathetic, and I do sort of resent her for it, but also I love her. I want to beat the shit out of her. She's Poor Little Rich Butch who literally shuts herself the fuck away and gazes out the window all day. She's one of those people for whom the war was the best thing that ever happened to her, and people like this do exist! Some people are great in a crisis, and some people are ONLY good in a crisis. Is it about her being butch and that being easier in wartime? Sure, but Mickey has it even worse and seems to manage being a member of society. (Mickey is the best person in this novel and perhaps of all time. I love her so much, she takes it all in so much stride in her shitty little houseboat, and then she offers it to Kay. Mickey will be played by Lena Oxton in the blorbo adpatation in my head and Kay will be played by Haruka Tenoh) I think Kay is just a fucking rich loser, and I love that for her.
Viv! What a moron. My wife read this book and her takeaway was the the book was about "Gay losers and a token sad straight woman" and she is not wrong. I love how much Viv hates her life in the present day and how pathetic she feels it all is, but she can't get away from it, because! Yes!! I always privately hope that the book will be different this time and there's an afterword where Viv goes and finds Kay and they get together, because I think Viv could be perfectly happy being Kay's wife and being doted on. She wants that! And Reggie will never ever give it to her (blah blah not being into women whatever it's my fantasy afterword and I can do what I want with it)
Speaking of morons let's talk about Helen. I hate Helen and I LOVE her storyline. I love her absolute dedication to ruining her own life. I'm not saying she has to love Kay, I would love to be doted on by Kay but it's not for everyone, and I'm not entirely convinced they didn't get together for any reason other than Helen felt grateful to her. BUT, what about with Julia? What about her insane reactions, the way she barely allows Julia to have friends, the way every time they go a party Helen acts like everyone is trying to fuck Julia? She basically manifests an affair into happening by her constant assumption that it is. IF Julia is sleeping around, of course that's her bad behavior, but let's not pretend like Helen's ridiculous suspicion and quarreling over nothing, her low-key resentment of Julia's success, isn't doing anything.
And Duncan, man, talk about your easily led, whatever's happening is what may as well happen, type. His thing with the junk that he considers 'antique' is so sad. He lives in a little boy's room and is kept like a little boy as a sexual pet and it would be disturbing if it wasn't so much just what Duncan had decided was the logical next step just like killing himself along with Alec. He was happier in fucking prison, it almost seems because there at least everything was just...decided for him.
I wonder if Waters isn't making a commentary about the idea that London and the UK more broadly was "never better than in the Blitz" and all that Blitz spirit stuff which i confess I can be real prone to as well, but I don't live there and am allowed to engage in a bit of romance over a situation that in no way involves me. Is Waters saying, "If we think that we, as a country, city, community, were never better than when we were actively being firebombed, it might just be that we have decided that, and have decided not to make ourselves better than that moment. Anytime, we could decide to be a better London & UK, but we aren't doing that. We're staring at the rubble and wishing we were there." I don't know! I have literally never thought this before it just came to me while writing this, it might be bullshit.
Basically the summary of this novel could be "Four people ruin their own lives because they aren't sure they deserve anything better" and I wouldn't argue with that. I love this book so fucking much.
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NGL y'all, it's been rough.
On the surface, I guess you could say I'm doing alright. I have a roof over my head, adequate food to eat (most of the time), good friends and family to rely on...
But when I say this world has beaten me down to pieces, it definitely has.
COVID was the first chink in the armor. Watching the entire world basically shrug off mass death and try to blithely live like it's still 2019 despite a pandemic raging worse than ever with less protections than we had before is wild. Don't matter how much facts you have to show to people, they will ignore it and then also in the same breath wonder why everyone's sick all the time. I mourn the children who aren't protected, who are sent into schools with no masks to become disabled/chronically ill for the rest of their lives. I mourn the immunocompromised who are trapped indefinitely in their homes because the world has moved on from pretending to care about COVID.
It's been 4 years. Time doesn't even feel real.
Then October 7th happened, and I get to watch a genocide happen in occupied Palestine in real time. Now, if you don't know me, then you may not know that I generally avoid rated R live action movies because I am a wuss and can't take the explicit violence and gore in a lot of them. I went from that, to watching lives of Palestinians recording their loved ones blown up, carrying their remains in plastic bags, IDF psychos shooting women and children in the back, the despair and anguish of Palestinians being corralled, starved, poisoned just because they exist.
I have irrevocably been changed by bearing witness to this horror. Writing my script for my game has slowed down to a crawl. I close my eyes at night to sleep, and dream about the devastation I witnessed. I wake up and see even worse horrors, all unchecked by world powers.
I get on Facebook and see people carrying on with life as if nothing is happening at all.
I don't... I feel like I'm looking at society from the opposite side of a glass window. Everything has lost its color. How can I care about movies, video games, traveling, etc when it all just serves as a distraction to the ugly reality that cannot be ignored? I don't care about celebs and their drama. I don't care about the regurgitated mess Hollywood puts out. I don't care about what overpriced AAA game is highly anticipated. I do not care at all.
The climate is fucked up and I see venture capitalists literally selling pieces of iceburgs to rich folks in the UAE for cocktails like it's nothing. People wanna talk about what new restaurant opened up and all I can think of is the fact that a singular bell pepper is like $2. A musical artist announces a tour and all I see are more superspreader events where people won't mask then bring home viruses to their families.
Is this the future we want? Hell, will we HAVE a future?
We, collectively, will rue the day we sat around and did nothing to stop all of this. And I fear that day will come very soon.
#sorry to get so deep on main but it's weighing on me heavy#I'll get my game done at some point because I have my team to worry about and I will not let them down#but my heart is just... not in it anymore#the world needs to heal and needs to change and quickly otherwise none of this other shit will matter
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𝔓𝔒𝔙: Enemies to lovers with Stefan Salvatore (fem! Reader) ‼️warning⚠️: little smut! Mention of erotic things, cute very cute! there is no age difference, You're of age! Stefan is a cute and a little bit perv future boyfriend! Fem! Reader 🥰✨🫢 enemies to lovers!
You:
You meet Stefan thanks Elena when you went to see her on the way out of the university.
You don't like Stefan at all, you feel like he's the typical Fuck boy that exists anywhere.
When you went to a game to see Elena and Caroline who were the cheerleaders of the team where Stefan was the captain, by "accident" Stefan hit you with the ball and instead of apologizing he laughed with his friends and made you look ridiculous.
Since that horrible day you hate him with all your being and even wish that something bad would happen to him, you know, Karma!
One night when you left the house to go shopping you discovered that Stefan was a vampire, you were shocked because you didn't believe they still existed.
You had a problem, is that you You hated vampires since they killed the love of your life, you swore that the night you were going to transform into a wolf you were going to kill those who took your boyfriend's life.
You had some strange dreams where Stefan was on top of you, he was biting you but you didn't scream for help, rather you moaned his name and asked for more, that made you wake up panting and sweating.
Every time you went to see Elena to help her with her relationship with Damon, who was your best friend, you always saw her with that "cocky idiot" as you had nicknamed Stefan.
When you tried to talk to her, he always interrupted you saying: "Come on, baby, you can't wait your turn to talk to Elena, oh I know! You're going to tell her that you touch yourself thinking about me" and you turn red from shame and anger… How dare he say something like that!
Unfortunately for you, you found out at a dinner with your friends, which included Damon, Elena, Caroline and her boyfriend Klaus Mikaelson, because Stefan, that "big idiot" was Damon's brother, your jaw literally fell when you saw that the boy who most you hated was the brother of one of your best friends, this couldn't be real!
Who knew that the hatred you felt for Stefan was slowly turning into love, since whenever you saw him with other girls you would get extremely jealous.
Every time Stefan bothered you or looked at you, the colors rose to your face, at first you didn't know why but you loved having his attention, it made you feel special.
Although you didn't admit it in front of him or your friends, you loved it when he called you names like: "baby" "princess" "annoying little thing" "sexy immature" "sweetie" "doll"
Y/n: Since I hate Stefan I want to hit him but at the same time I want to sleep in his arms while his pretty eyes look at me and his pretty lips kiss me.
You love his back madly since it is wide, it looks soft and how you want to scratch him when it becomes possible for him to make you his.
Stefan:
Stefan already knew you for a long time thanks to his brother.
You always caught his attention especially since you were short in his eyes, you were a cutie.
"He said or pretended" to hate you so as not to attract the attention of others and be described as weak, especially his friends, you know, he has to preserve his "popularity".
He loved when you got angry because you made a pout that made him want to eat you with kisses.
He once heard a rumor that you were in a relationship with Elijah Mikaelson, that made him extremely jealous, his nature as the "ripper" came to light every time he thought about you with another man other than him.
Despite his "angelic face" Stefan was very possessive of his "angel" that is, you.
His jealousy was not so extreme or possessive to the extreme, nor did he want to see himself as a monster, he wanted to be your protector, your safe place, the love of your life.
He did know that you were a wolf thanks to a conversation he had with Klaus since he knew the "boss" of your pack.
He was not ashamed to admit that he had erotic dreams about you, whenever he woke up sweating and panting he wished you were there to help him with his "problems."
One day at the gym where you went with Caroline (Stefan also goes to that gym) he saw that you were going to do yoga and when he saw you in those yoga pants he got hard and horny and he held on until he could not take you right then and there or take you away. to the bathroom to make you his until you're tired.
He loved madly, your laugh was like music to his ears and your smile was like a drug for him, it was very addictive.
He plans to marry you and have a big family by your side.
The only person who can stop the actions of the "ripper" is you, since you are his angel, the love of his life.
Stefan loves your neck madly. In his eyes it looks so soft and flexible. Many times he has fantasized about fitting his fangs and feeding on you while he imagines that you moan his name asking for more.
Stefan: You're going to see my angel, very soon you're going to be mine, you're going to be in my arms and I'm going to kiss you and hug you and I'm never going to let you go... I'm going to protect you with my life if necessary.
#photography#x yn#triplehmunson#pov#ynpov#my pov#tvdpov#tvdu#tvd fanfiction#tvdversegifs#tvd universe#stefan salvatore#stefan salavatore x reader#stefan salvatore x you#Stefan Salvatore x y/n#damon salvatore#elena gilbert#caroline forbes#klaus mikaelson#elijah mikaelson
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Play Pretend 3
Play pretend 3
A/n: do you guys want to see the relationship flourish and fixed? I was thinking about ending it here unless you want to see that side of things. 💜
When you roll onto your back, you instantly regret it. Not only do you feel nauseous, but you feel blinded by the sun leaking through your bedroom blinds.
"I can't." You whisper as you put your hands over your eyes. Your mouth feels dry, and your throat burns from all the cigarettes. You swore you'd never smoke again, but one too many drinks and that went out the door.
Your body was paying for your awful choices, and you were still in denial of your drinking problem. If you pushed it away and didn't think about it, then the anxiety of life would fade from existence.
At this very moment, you wished you could call Joseph and have him ease your anxiety, but you'd ignored him for days and weren't sure if it would be fitting to contact him now. Weeks had passed, and you didn't respond, but now that you needed something, you'd call? No. You weren't going to do it. You'd swallow the pain and erase the memories of Jamie and Joseph from your mind.
"1...2...3..." You sit up and push the blankets off your body. Slowly, swing your legs over the side of your bed; resting your face in your hands, you stare at the ground and pray the headache disappears. It won't, but the least you could do was hope.
You stand to your feet; you notice your bedroom door is open. You think it's odd, considering you sleep with the door closed, drunk or not, that door is closed.
You blink your eyes slowly, trying to regain your vision. The tiredness soon fades, and eyes become clear. Your breath gets caught when you see a body on your couch wrapped in your favorite quilt.
"Fuck..." You mutter to yourself. You don't remember having anyone over last night. What did you do?
Quietly you creep across the wooden floors and lean over just enough to catch a glimpse of the side of the person's face...Jamie?
You roughly pull the blanket off him, ready to scream at him. You knew he had a key to your apartment, but he had no right to use it whenever he wanted to. That's not what it was for.
He groans a few times before opening his eyes. "It's too early, darling. Go back to bed." He shoves his face back into the pillow; bending his knees, he turns to his other side.
Anxiety flushes through you. "Jamie..." You whimper his name, and he can't ignore your tone.
He stretches his back out and gently brings himself to a seated position. He rubs his eyes and brushes his hair behind his ears, giving you his full attention. "If you're going to call me at 1 am, you should at least let me sleep 8 hours before waking me up." He teases you, but when your eyes start to water, and the look of fear plasters your face, he pats the spot next to him. "Come talk with me."
"I don't remember calling you." You whisper. "I'm sorry." Your face falls to your hands again, and you sob gently. You weren't crying because Jamie was sitting on your couch. You were crying because the last few months of your life had passed quickly, and you treated them poorly during it. Even in your drunken haze, you tried reaching out to him.
Jamie rubs your back as he tilts his chin and sadly watches your body tremble. He isn't sure what you want to hear or if he should tell you everything you said to him last night. "You know." His hand stops at the small of your back, "I wanted to tell you before this, but I was wrong."
Eyebrows raise with curiosity. In your clouded mind, you couldn't put the pieces together. "Wrong about what?"
"I lied." He takes a deep breath, "I had feelings for you; well, I have feelings for you."
You laugh, disbelieving, "You lying isn't making me feel better."
Jamie scoots closer to you and wraps his arm around your shoulder, bringing you back. Your head falls to his chest, and his hand runs down your bicep. "I was ready to end that man's life for you." He exhales loudly. "If that's not love, I don't know what is."
Confused, you ask, "What, man?"
"Alex," He sighs, not wanting to explain any further.
"Alex?"
Jamie runs his fingers through your hair. "You really don't remember? He told you it was time for your relationship to go further and wouldn't leave your house until he got what he wanted?"
Your body tightens as your memories fade in and out. "Jesus Christ. You were right about him."
Jamie squeezes you tighter. Upset that you had to have that memory imprinted in your brain. "You text that he was scaring you."
"I'm so sorry." Your eyes water when you think of what could've happened if Jamie couldn't come at that moment.
"I do love you, (y/n)." He pauses as he tries to think of what to say. "But we're in different spots in our lives, love. You still want to be wild and crazy. I want stability and calm. It's something I won't get from you, and that's OK, darling. I want you to be happy, and you won't be happy with boring old me."
Your shoulders drop, and a small calm fills your body. Why didn't he give you that explanation before? It would have been a whole hell of a lot nicer than him spouting that none of it was real. You tilt your head and stare at the ceiling attempting to process. "I don't think your boring. I had fun snuggling on the couch and being tucked into bed with someone who loved and cared for me." You admit. "You hurt me. Like you didn't care about me and lied about everything to get in my pants. You became just another guy; I never saw that coming. I felt like you got what you wanted and left than expected me to still be OK with being your friend."
"I never wanted to make you feel that way." He says, kissing the top of your head. "How do we fix this?"
You push your face to the crook of his neck and softly say. "I don't know. I just want my friend back."
Tag List: @cat-loves-music @sunshinecallie @arminsgfloll @lma1986
#jamie campbell bower#jamie campbell x reader#jamie bower#jamie fanfic#jamie bower x reader#jamie bower x you#jamie bower x y/n#jamie bower fluff#jamie campbell bower x you#jcbower#jcb#jamie campbell bower fanfic#jamie campbell bower x reader#jamie campbell bower x y/n
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Hey, hey, guess what?
BPFT!Crescent's reference sheet is done!
(BPFT is my God au, btw!!)
I've never done a reference sheet before so idk if I did this right but I do like how it turned out
You can ask questions about him if you want, my ask box is always open ^^
Okay, now I'm gonna ramble about him so if you don't want spoilers for the fic, you may instead focus intensely on the rendered bit on the left and ignore the rest as well as the stuff under the read more :3
So the lantern glows blue because it's fueled by his magic rather than oil or something like that
Anyone who goes to the mortal realm gets one and it basically lights the path to the task they need to complete down there (Crescent doesn't have a real task tho so it's just a funny light)
Yes, he is wearing cloud pajamas, people tend to headcanon Nightmare's realm as eternally nighttime so that means you get to wear pajamas all the time when you're a demi-god living in his realm like Crescent
This is a medieval fantasy world, but the gates to the mortal realm are partially controlled by the God of Time and so the Gods get stuff from all periods because I fucked up when making Crescent's sheet and forgot to do research Fresh exists to be a menace
The outside of the cloak is fairly plain because the God of Fear is ironically paranoid and stealth is a must, however the galaxies on the inside of the cloak are real stars from Nightmare's realm and they move like a real night sky does (or they would, if I could animate that well)
Nightmare just kinda went "Lemme just pull some stars out of the sky for you" and turned it into a cloak for his son when he was sad one time and now it's Crescent's favourite :)
I spent like.... an hour trying to figure out how to make the stars before giving up and using this image from unsplash, which lets you use images for free. IbisPaint doesn't have many star brushes, unfortunately :(
Cross is there too, though I don't got his design fully fleshed out yet so take the silly little sketch of him
Even though the text is the same for their thoughts, they don't speak the same language
(It's only English for you guys)
Crescent only knows how to speak the Gods' language (which I'm gonna say is now Minecraft Enchantment Table lol) cuz that's what he was raised to speak (and to fuck with you guys <3) and Cross would be using Wingdings
Of course, when it's their perspective, it'll be regular letters for them and those fonts for the other so you get the full experience of a language barrier >:)
Cross wants to pay back Crescent by serving him after he saved his life but Crescent just wants a friend so he never asks for anything and that makes Cross a bit upset lol
He likes helping and can't convey that
Crescent wouldn't mind help tho but he kind of thinks Cross needs to rest after almost dying but he can't convey that either
They want to communicate but they can't lol
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I almost forgot!
Crescent can't travel during the day because his father's realm is the night and Dream unintentionally sends his aura across miles during the day
He wants to be the cool uncle but his aura is very overbearing, especially for a small demi-god :(
Crescent just pulls up his hood and pretends to sleep instead
Cross keeps guard :)
He does think Crescent is a God and that he's probably capable of watching his own back but he likes doing it anyway
#midnight attempts art#undertale#undertale aus#crescent sans#crescent#cross sans#cross#nightmare#nightmare sans#midnight rambles#bpft au#breaking prophecies and fulfilling them au#god au
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You know what, my parents have always been so great at comforting me
I could be really shaken up and scared cuz someone just tried hurt me and my mom would say 'ah, get over it, she couldn't have hurt you anyways', when the same lady beats her grown ass brother to a pulp everyday and would've with me if I hadn't ran away when she gave chase.
My father could always complain like fuck to ME about me being bullied. What am I going to do? Why don't I tell you I'm being bullied? Oh because you yell at me for being bullied because you're complaining to me about what THEY'RE doing. That's really fucking nice.
Why don't I tell you about my mental state, father? Oh because you tell me I have no reason to be depressed and that I'm being ungrateful or accuse me of being indoctrinated by the internet and trying to to waste your money on therapy when I open up. Or maybe because I've had multiple instances of you screaming at me for 5 fucking hours about how much of a disappointment to the entire family line I am for being the 'only depressed one/the only one who's 'given up',' or you just insist I'm depressed because someone convinced me I'm gay or trans on the internet.
Why don't I tell you I have a cold, father? Because I'd rather pretend I have a dry cough and take medicine behind your back then be screamed at about how you'd die if I gave you a cold, (which you won't), or how I 'definitively have covid' and then not let me in the living room with you. I don't want to be screamed at until I'm crying, and then you tell me I'm selfish for crying. It's happened too much, I'd rather just suffer in silence even if I do have a bad cold.
Why do I always stay up in my bedroom and avoid you, father? Because, you sleep half the day and scream at me if I make a singular noise. I can't live in my own household nor even go and eat something if you're asleep. I'm not allowed to. You could sleep the whole day and I could starve, yet if I moved and made a noise, you'd make sure I have a reason to cry. Then pound on me for crying.
Why do I always stall and not tell you I may need medical attention until I'm crying from pain? Because both of you complain about the hospital bills, how I'm faking, and how I'm a waste of time. Why did I need to get taken to the hospital from school before from passing out? Because you convinced me I shouldn't care enough to let you know something is wrong until something bad happens to me if it costs you time and money. I hated the back of that ambulance, and you're the reason I had to experience that.
I hated the way that boy laughed at me as I was picked up half-fucking conscious and dragged to the stretcher and loaded into the damn ambulance.
Why do I not tell you I need help with schooling? Because you helped my brother with one homework paper in kindergarten, and that was the only one he failed. Then you complained to him and said I was the smarter kid. Now that I'm failing, if I say I have one problem, I'm automatically fucking stupid since I was straight A's and B's in ELEMENTARY.
Oh and my cat could be dying, so keep making side-comments, 'he's going to die'. That's very comforting. I love it when you say that.
Why must you always tell me I'm going to fail when I grow up? I can't have ADHD when i grow up or else I'll be 'dysfunctional' and never get a job? I should grow out of my problems? These problems never existed in your generation because you just dealt with it and got through it and now we 'dramatise everything'? I can only grow up to marry--and I need to marry--a straight white boy? I'm never going to college because I'm a fucking dumbass and I'm failing at everything?
I can't be a child right now? I can't have mental problems? I can't be experiencing the aftermath of every fucking thing you've done to me? I need to be perfect, and I need to comfort myself? All I ask is for you to say one thing when I'm sitting here and ASKING for your help..
I just want you to say it's ok.
#tw vent#long vent#long rant#rant vent#personal vent#vent post#vent rant#tw child abuse#tw child neglect#tw abuse#tw neglect#tw childhood trauma#tw childhood abuse#tw childhood neglect#tw psychological abuse#tw mental abuse#tw emotional abuse#tw trauma#child trauma#trauma#childhood trauma#childhood abuse#child abuse#child neglect#psychological abuse#emotional abuse#mental abuse#tw physical abuse#physical abuse#venting
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Gintama Sentence Starters: Funny Edition
Gintoki:
"Blah blah blah... Put a lid on it. Are you in heat, or what?"
"I mean, I get so cranky if I don't have sugar."
"Was your sister raised by a gorilla or something!?"
"Ow ow ow ow ow!! What did you do!? Is that my brain leaking out?"
"I-it should be okay, you know... Wake Up TV's astrology segment said... I'd be lucky this weekend."
"Whoever ate it, raise your hand now, and I'll only kill you three-fourths of the way."
"Can't you say something like, 'Leave me, ____, you go on ahead'?"
"How long are you going to go on and on and on like some stupid, gum chewing, Kyoto girl on her cell phone?"
"SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, FREAK!"
"So, what do we do now? Can we touch your ass or something?"
"Clearly you're the one who needs help! You can't do jack shit!"
"GIVE ME YOUR BALLS."
"'Is this love?' My ass!"
"It's all my fault. If only I hadn't gone to pachinko! I'll repay you by doubling it in pachinko!"
"Believe in yourself! Believe in the dick of the owner you believe!"
"You have an ultimate move, even though I don't? Isn't that unfair?"
"T-Toei Animation's gonna kill us!"
"What? I never said I was talking about you. You actually thought your family was rich? You actually call yourself Richie Rich?"
"Mr. Kakashi from Class N had his Sharingan stolen after school yesterday."
"Hey, bitch. I'm done with Kingdom, so get me all the volumes of Terra Formars within three minutes, or I'll have your head."
"I'll curse your family for seven generations, damn you!"
"It was far too large to be called a sword stuck in my ass."
Shinpachi:
"Sheesh!! You hide a filthy soul behind those beautiful eyes!"
"You two think that anything with a mustache is Mario, don't you!?"
"Why are you pretending to break your bones!?"
Kagura:
"Don't need a license to hit and run, yessir!"
[text] Good morning. Your poop is very smooth today!
"We're not toilet paper for you bastards to wipe your asses with!"
"Behold me, the 30,014th shogun!"
Hijikata:
"You wanna sleep permanently? Huh?"
"Why leave the party, pal? It's a nice fight. Let's have some fun!"
"What do you mean you missed!? Hey! Look at me!"
"Okay. Don't come back."
"Then how about a handshake? I'm a real Bentendo fan."
"You Zega fans should be quiet and play your Creamcast, stupid. Keep waiting for your sequel to Shenmue, stupid."
"I'm going to defeat Breeza!"
"Hey, just give me some balls. You have some, right?"
"Have you heard of a penile break?"
"I'll lick the soles of your sandals or anything you ask me to!"
"You can use the tepid kiddy bath over there. It's probably your style."
"I don't remember allying with you, either. Crazy bitch."
"You're not innocent, are you!?"
Okita:
"He doesn't look hurt, but trust me he's suffering inside."
"Just so you know, I was supposed to work really hard today, but I took the day off."
"Isn't he stereotypical? He thinks he's Vegeta. He's planning on casually joining in."
"Go buy me a Yakisoba pan, and JUMP, too. Of course, you pay for them."
"I'm going to investigate whether the octopus balls actually have octopus meat in them."
"I'll cut right to the chase. Could you let ____ fuck your robot girl over there?"
Other:
"Look, you just keep your mouth shut."
"Your heart isn't big enough to embrace their wonderful flaws, and that's why you aren't popular with the ladies!"
"A leader must use any means possible to lead his organization to victory. As such, you'll play Uno with me! Because I'm good at Uno!"
"____ made me pay 108 yen for a Yakulk the other day. Did they make you pay, too? It wouldn't be fair if I was the only one who had to pay."
"Quit acting like you're a leader already, damn errand boy."
"To remove this apparatus, either go to your nearest church or withdraw 3 million yen from an ATM and deposit it to my account."
"If sorry was enough, seppuku wouldn't exist in the world."
"In my country, '(insult)' is just how we end sentences. I wasn't implying anything, (insult)."
"Is she a man or Orochimaru?"
"Quit talking about my butthole like it's some parking stall!"
"The hell are you doing in my house!?"
"Why are you sneaking into my house in the middle of the night to make fried rice all dramatic-like!? And turn off the damn music! It's bothering the neighbors!"
"You're the one... who bent me over."
Other (Multiple Lines):
"Now we can't use the 'I wanna eat your cooking' line." "Oh, well. Skip a few steps and go with 'I wanna eat you' instead." "That's skipping too many steps! What kind of irresponsible advice is that!?"
"I'll help you outta there. 'hee, hee, hoo' got that? Together now. 'hee, hee, hoo'." "I'm not a pregnant woman, you moron!"
"This is ____, and this is ____. Understand? Let's write them down ten times each." "Oh, fuck you!"
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Angst time!
Imagine one day Sun, Moon, Lunar, Solar Flare, Kill Code, Blood Moon, and Harvest Moon all becoming one big happy family and Eclipse realizing that he had been abandoned again and that he is totally isolated and alone with nothing but his thoughts.
So the whole family goes to a dimension where Eclipse never happened and realizes that Lunar, Solar Flare, Blood Moon, and Harvest Moon don't exist and Kill Code managed to take control of Moon way sooner without Lunar helping holding him back, and that Kill Code Moon killed Sun. So imagine they realize all of this and suddenly being thankful for Eclipse. When they get back to their own dimension, Kill Code, Solar Flare, Blood Moon, and Harvest Moon finally realized that they not only left Eclipse alone, but he is also still stuck in an old and broken from time lab. So they quickly lead Sun, Moon, and Lunar to where Eclipse is only to find a mentally broken Eclipse who is so used to pretending that he is not alone, he doesn't even fully acknowledge that they are there, he just says some like, "Not now I'm working! Got to make the family happy! If I do good enough, they might come and talk to me again!", because in his head they never left him, he just was not doing a good enough job to deserve attention. The whole family is heartbroken because Eclipse is to far gone to even be convinced that they are real and that they want him to come with them. They can't even convince him into a body because in Eclipse's eyes that will just make him more useless. In the end it comes down to the decision of forcing Eclipse into the body and hoping that getting him out of the lab will help him, leaving him as he is and just doing their best to take care of him in hopes of one day getting through to him, or realizing that it's too late for Eclipse and staying with him as they completely shut down the lab(killing him) to finally give Eclipse peace.
(Okay, I saw this at like 1:30 in my inbox last night and this made me sad enough to write something cute and fluffy to counteract the big sad ouch this gave me.)
I feel like forcing him into his own body would be a task and a half. Eclipse would obviously continue overworking himself, probably even more, and they’d have to lead him away from projects and be very gentle while assuring him they’re happy with his work. Once they finally manage to break him of his delirium, he would probably crash and sleep for about a month with updates and charging and someone would constantly have to be with him to assure him they aren’t gone and they won’t leave ever again.
If they leave him in the lab, they probably would have to start praising the work he does and slowly work him from his mental break with assurance and praise and patience, because it’ll take a long while for Eclipse to realize they came back for him. They put him into a body once he’s aware enough and showed him with love and attention and cuddles to let him know they love him.
To deactivate him, I feel like it would turn to KC to do it. Moon, Solar Flare, the twins are too emotional and Sun and Lunar are busy crying. But the decision had to be made to let Eclipse go. KC would probably tell him ‘It’s time to rest, son. You’ve worked enough.’ And start shutting it down like Eclipse is just going to sleep. (Fuck, this made me cry.)
#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#sun and moon show#sams#fnaf eclipse#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#fnaf lunar#fnaf solar flare#kill code moon#fnaf bloodmoon#fnaf harvest moon#snoweyanswers#anon#tw mental breakdown mention#tw abandonment mention#tw death mention#tw cursing#why did you make me cry at 1am?#this hurt me
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Making a whine funny so it goes better with dinner.
I texted this to a friend (because I text books sometimes; sorry?), but am putting it here, too, because maybe sharing rants about the sheer improbability of existence is helpful in some other space. Or it might get me flamed into the outer rings of hell.
Meh.
~*~
Tuesday was unavoidable work hell, and on Wednesday I fucked up my back. Badly.
Of course I did. Can't feel feelings properly, so body takes hit, which means that in certain equation: XStress=YPhysicalBreakdown.
It's even predictable. Polite, my pain.
But my lower back/pelvis is now, “Worse than I’ve seen it in years” said my massage therapist.
Not great.
And I just thought to myself, "How disabled a life should I lead?"
Like, if somebody told me tomorrow, “If you quit your job, do yoga 45 minutes a day in carefully controlled environment, take THESE supplements, sleep 10 hours no matter what, and focus entirely on breathing the rest of the time, you’ll have zero pain in your life,” could I do it?
Would I want to?
Hell, I think that might be sort of what I was trying to do before I realized it was a zero sum game.
But I find that I’m at this bizarre place where I’m like, “Okay. I”m (likely)autistic-ADHD-OCD-acronym empowered. Disabled. Anxious. Chronic pain. Autoimmune bingo card winner. I have a full time, highly stressful job, and I think it’s fun to write 6 books at a time. I’ve given up most of my social outings, as I prefer to speak on the phone or in small groups. I don’t like to eat in public. Obligations give me hives. Literally. And also panic attacks.
Except for those obligations that I weirdly manage for myself? But not all of them? Like, how can, "Dee, let’s write 5000 words today!" Not stress me but "Dee let’s do laundry!" make me feel like I am facing the guillotine, and honestly, please behead me faster so it's over already?
And, conversely, how can, "Should we have sex?" feel like somebody’s asking me to scale Mount Everest naked whereas, "Can you do six hours of research on box beetles?" feel so good I feel it in my teeth?
I fucking don’t get myself. The more rocks I turn over, the more confusing it gets. I am a pile of misinformation and contradictions, and it is exhausting trying to sort out these grains of rice from these grains of wheat.
"Just take care of yourself" they say.
Sure, Jan, I say back.
Because I really feel like if I took away all my stressors, the motion of my own lungs would become annoying. Like, congratulations! You have achieved a zen state!
And then, ten minutes into said zen state, I can feel my fucking lungs moving in an obnoxiously even rhythm and want to rip them from my chest.
Because it isn’t what I do. It’s how my body/mind PERCEIVES it and REACTS to it without my fucking consent.
And yeah, I read all the books on retraining your brain. That works great if you want to stop hating spiders because one bit you as a kid and then your mom kissed your booboo, and you got the bandaid you liked.
It does not work well if spiders are attached to garden hoses because you once killed a spider and then got beaten with a hose because you left the back door unlocked before being sent to your room without supper where you rocked yourself for comfort and now you have a VERY complicated relationship with spiders (which you cannot be near) and hoses (which you like in kinky bedroom activity) and food (you can't eat supper without permission) and locks (you collect them) and being alone (which, as Taylor says, leads to ending up in crisis) and rocking (which you do only on airplanes, now, for Other Complicated Ass Reasons)*.
So yeah. Not simple.
I really don't pay my therapist enough.
But then I think all this, and I think, “Do I REALLY not like to eat in public??? I used to love it. I think? Or was I faking it? Or sometimes?
"Or is all this misinformation, too? Actually, is everything? Self, are we pretending to be disabled to get out of doing things we don’t like? Or do we legit need to get out of doing things we don’t like because we are disabled**?"
I have no fucking clue.
And my back hurts.
Sigh.
<3Dee
*(Please note: This is purely an example. I was not beaten with hoses. And I like spiders, and I rock in cars, not planes, thanks.)
**(This is my own self talk, not commentary on anybody else's disability. Because YOUR disability is 1000% legit. I will fight to the death for your self respect and accomodations. It's just my disability that's clearly for show.)
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