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rollingsins · 1 year

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all hers, part ii

summary: your dad forbids you from sleeping over at Tara’s house. she comes and takes what’s hers.

warnings: (+18), ghostface!tara, possessive behavior, strap-on sex, rough sex, pussy-eating.

word count: 2.1k

a/n: for anon, who requested rough sex with ghostface!tara. let me know what you think, requests are wide open for gf!tara always ;)

It had been weeks.

The murders went unsolved. You attended the memorials, tried to pretend like the reason for their deaths wasn’t sitting right beside you, holding your hand.

It was twisted and sick, but you couldn’t turn her in. She loved you, and you loved her.

Not much had changed. She played the part of the perfect girlfriend so well. You barely spent any time apart these days. She’d drive you to school in the mornings, buy you breakfast. She’d walk you to class, carry your textbooks. Make-out in the tool shed behind the bleachers if you had a little free time between periods.

And then you went home with her. Her mom was never there so you had the place to yourselves. You cooked dinner together, watched movies, and fell asleep together.

And then you’d wake up and do it all over again.

You didn’t speak about the killings. You’d made Tara promise she wouldn’t hurt anyone else. You promised you wouldn’t give her a reason to and she’d agreed. You didn’t strike up conversation with anyone, avoided making new friends. Things were perfect as they were.

You didn’t want to give Tara a reason to kill anybody else.

Except for tonight. Your dad had demanded your presence at dinner: you hadn’t seen him, or your mom in days. You were busy with school, was your excuse. In actuality, you were too busy with Tara. You’d gotten used to playing house with her. You didn’t like the idea of her all alone in that huge house.

You push your peas around your plate. Look down as your phone buzzes.

are you done yet? miss you? :(

“No phones at the table.” Snaps your father. He’s looking at you funny. Angrier than usual, like he has something to say. As you drop your phone to the table, he lets loose.

“That girl isn’t good for you.” He starts, shoveling food into his mouth. “You spend all your time with her. You used to play sports. You used to have friends”

“I have friends.” You say, defensively. It’s not true. You don’t, not anymore.

“I don’t want you spending all your time with her.” He continues. “You can see her on weekends. Weeknights, you stay here.”

Your heart sinks.

“Dad-“

“I don’t want any arguments.” He says, pointing his fork at you like it’s a threat.

“I’m eighteen, Dad, you can’t tell me what to do-”

He slams his beer glass onto the table. It shakes slightly. You stare back startled.

“As long as you live under my roof, you abide by my rules.”

And that’s the end of it.

You pace back and forth in your bedroom, staring down at your phone. Tara’s calling, again. You bite your lip, unsure of what to say. Unsure of how she’ll take it.

“Hey babe.” You say.

“YN.” She says. She sounds antsy, like she’s been waiting for you, “Where are you?”

“I can’t come tonight.”

“What?”

“My dads being a total dick.” You say, “He says I can only stay over on weekends from now on.”

Silence. You chew your lip, hoping she’s not too angry.

“Sorry baby.” You say. “It’s Friday tomorrow though, I’ll make it up to you.”

“Sneak out.” She suggests. You shake your head.

“It’s just one night, Tara. Pick me up tomorrow for school?”

She’s gone quiet again. You sigh.

“Love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

And you hang up.

Sleeping in your own bed is strange after so long spent in Tara’s. You miss the warmth of her body, the protective arm she always looped around your waist as she slept. Sometimes it was harder for you to fall asleep, but she’d always be there, rubbing your back to calm you down. Pressing sleepy kisses to your forehead.

You turn onto your side, trying to clear your mind. You imagine Tara’s face, her smile. You’ll cook her something tomorrow night, you think, something special. Maybe even sneak a bottle from your Dad’s wine collection to make it more romantic. At the thought of her sitting opposite you, sipping on a glass of red wine, you start to doze off.

You don’t hear the crack of your window opening, nor do you hear the scuffle of someone kicking their shoes off.

You don’t hear much of anything, until someone is slipping in behind you, grabbing your waist and pressing their hand over your mouth.

Your eyes fly open. You gasp, struggle against the body behind you. A familiar voice whispers in your ear.

“Shhh, baby.” It’s Tara. She grabs your waist, hard, tugs you into her. “It’s me.”

She presses a warm kiss to your neck, drops her hand from your mouth. You relax slightly, turn in her arms.

“What are you doing here?” Your head “if my dad finds out-“

In the glint of the moonlight, her eyes flash.

“Nobody keeps you from me.” She says. Her lips are hot against your jaw, “Remember? You know the things I do to people who try to take you away from me.”

Menacing. Her eyes glint. Your stomach drops.

“Tara-“

“Now I’m trying. I’m trying to be good for you, baby. You know that. Like I promised. But you’re going to have to work with me.”

She slips her hands into your underwear. You gasp as her fingers grip you possessively.

“You’re mine. This pussy is mine. I want you in my bed every single night, do you understand me?”

She circles your clit. Nips at your bottom lip. You groan.

“Baby- I can’t just-“

“In my bed.” She repeats. “Every night.”

“But Tara-“

She bites down hard. Hard enough to draw blood. Her spare hand works up your shirt, she takes one of your breasts in hand. Works her fingers around a nipple.

“Every night you’re not there, I’m going to sneak into your bedroom and fuck you so hard it’ll give your Dad nightmares. Understand?”

You nod, slowly.

“Good girl.” She smiles. Licks the blood off your lip. “Now take off your clothes.”

You don’t have to be asked twice. Arousal flushes through you at the look in her eyes. Hungry, like she’s about to devour you. You tug your shorts down your legs, lift your t-shirt over your head.

It’s not quick enough for her. She rips your shorts away, licking her lips as she looks down at your naked body.

“Tara,” You say as she fumbles with her own zipper, tugging her jeans down to her legs, “Baby. We have to be quiet. Please.”

Tara dips down, kisses you softly.

“That’s up to you, sweetheart,” She says, voice low, “You’re the one who's going to be making all the noise. I promise.”

Then you feel it. Hard, plastic against your stomach as she slips her underwear off. She’s brought the strap on.

“Fuck.” You moan. She kisses you hard. Takes off her shirt. Before your gaze can linger, she’s flipping you onto your hands and knees.

She trails kisses down your back. Your heart thrums. Your parents are asleep, you think. You hope. Your head falls forward, mouth open as you feel Tara’s tongue against your entrance.

You bite your lip. She’s quick, languid kisses and long licks as she readies you for her. You’re already embarrassing wet, sticky syrup against her lips. She presses a wet kiss to your inner thigh, then aligns her hips with yours.

You groan as she sinks the head inside you. Her hands hold your hips in place, grabbing hard so you can’t run from her. You can hear the soft sounds of your Dad snoring across the hall. You bite your lip, try to stay quiet.

She’s pushing your face down into the mattress as she pushes into you. Hard, quick, needy. Little gasps emerge from your lips before you can stop them as she takes you. Her hands are rough on your hips. She smacks your backside, hard enough you feel yourself flush red.

It hurts a little. Her hands are in your hair, tugging your face up. She doesn’t allow you anytime to get used to the thickness of the dildo, ruts into you steadily, building up a pace.

She drapes herself across you, takes your earlobe between her teeth. The dildo sinks deeper inside you, you can feel her breasts on your back. You let out a long moan before you can stop yourself.

“You like that, baby?” She growls in your ear. “You like being on your hands and knees? Taking me like a good girl?”

She smacks your ass again for good measure. You whimper as she takes your hips in her hands again and begins to drill into you.

Hard wet sounds of your skin slapping against hers. She’s panting, groaning, grabbing your ass. You can tell how turned on she is. It makes you even wetter. You swallow your own moans, trying not to be too loud. The mattress squeaks. Tara thrusts a final time, sinking so deep into you you almost squeal.

Then she’s sliding herself out of you.

Immediately you miss her, turn your head to try to claw her back in.

She pulls hard on your legs so you fall onto your stomach. Then, she’s flipping you onto you back, spreading your legs as wide as they’ll go. Lustful eyes look down on you. She licks her lips as she eyes your swollen cunt, dripping with arousal.

“My pretty girl.” She murmurs, dipping down to taste you. You whine, fingers immediately threading through her hair, trying to keep her in place. She’s only there for a moment before she’s drawing herself back up, and pulling your legs over her shoulders.

She lines her hips to yours once again, and then she’s sinking deep into you, mating press style. Her favorite position. It might be yours too, you think as you feel the tip of the cock brush your cervix. You sigh, lock eyes with her. Her pretty red lips look so kissable, you can’t resist. You lock your arms around her neck, trying to keep her close.

“Tara.” You whine as she moves her hips. Slowly now, just teasing. “Baby.”

She presses kisses down your jaw.

“Yes, baby girl?” She asks. Her eyes glint playfully.

“Please fuck me.” You whimper. Her eyes flash with arousal. She thrusts hard, once.

“Like that?” She asks.

“Yes, please, just like that.” Your fingers grip white on her shoulders.

“You want it hard?” She asks. You nod desperately. Try to tilt your hips closer into her.

“Tell me what you’re going to do from now on.” She presses another kiss to your lips. “Tell me whose bed you’ll be in every night.”

“Your bed.” You gasp. “Every night.”

“That’s right.” She says. Her arms wrap around your thighs. Another hard thrust. You can’t stop the groan that slips from your lips. “You’re my pretty girl. You belong to me. You understand?”

You nod wildly. She’s smirking, draws her hips back again. Thrusts gently. You whine.

“Good girl.” She presses you down into the mattress, her full weight on top of you. A final hot kiss to your lips before she draws her hips back once more and lets loose on you.

You cry out, clutching her tight as she pounds down into you. Merciless, white heat draws deep in your belly as she thrusts into you.

She’s moaning with you this time. Squeezing your legs tight as she pummels herself into you. It’s hard and rough, she’s merciless. You whine, entire body flushing as she fucks you to the edge.

“Cum for me, baby.” She’s murmuring and your eyes flutter closed. You groan as your orgasm washes through you, as hot and fast as her thrusts. You feel her body seize against you as she cums too, with a quiet whine and heavy thrust. She collapses into you. You catch your breath, holding her. Both boneless.

Your heart pounds, your pussy throbs pleasantly. After a moment, she slides out of you, pulling the strap-on harness off herself. Your breathing evens out as she settles in behind you and takes you in her arms. Presses a protective kiss to your neck as she entwines herself with you.

You listen carefully. Can’t hear your dad snoring anymore.

“Do you think we woke him?” You ask Tara.

“I hope so.” Tara says. The edge is back in her voice. She nips at your neck with her teeth. “I hope he heard me making you mine. Knowing exactly what I’ll be doing to his daughter every night she’s in my bed.”

Your heart thrums. Stomach flips at the vulgarity of her words.

A loud snore sounds from across the hallway. You sigh in relief.

“Hmm.” Tara says. She sounds a little disappointed. “I’ll just have to fuck you harder, next time.”

Next part

#tara carpenter x reader #ghostface!tara #scream #jenna ortega x reader #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter #mine #tara carpenter x fem reader #ah

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socksandbuttons · 6 months

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Bean Eclipse Au has my love and seeing any post makes me very happy but now I want to get to know your Space au a little. May you give us some funfacts about the characters to get to know them better?

Aw thank you! I'll do my best describing some things! Its been a moment where I dont know what ive said about them on here. ((The ladies, are by @nekojaf so if u want info on them you gotta ask her!)) First, We got Eclipse (yes thats his name, unless we go au hopping its-)

-He's a captain of his own spaceship (however its mostly a ship that can house just a handful of people.)

-He's self confident, he's got leadership qualities and doesn't stand down often. However can be a huge flirt (as Beige unfortunately deals with). -I've mentioned before but Eclipse (like other models of his kind) are far more Emotive than the previous models.

-Eclipse is the reason Lunar has a collection of plushies. The guy is very good with sewing. -He's not familiar too much with the 'Star' like SAMS' Eclipse is. At least not currently. He's far more concerned with other things.

-His relationship with Earth is rather... interesting. He may be vocal about not wanting to speak to her but its mostly cause she's like a mom who tends to baby him. (Although he can't blame her frequent check ins.) -Most people avoid him, but that's cause he's made an interesting name for himself.

Lunar, my BOY who started this whole au actually.

-The space suit was given to him by Eclipse. Who may have taken it.

-He comes off as sweet, but don't think less of him in comparison with his brother. He's mischievous as well, and cunning when needed.

-Far better at keeping his emotions in check than Eclipse.

-Unlike Eclipse (again) he's actually rather good at y'know. Getting the girl.

-However, he is younger than Eclipse. In part not as experienced with the whole line their apart of.

-Rather handy with his shots, but better at driving. Also has a bit of a name for himself.

-Cannot actually believe how his brother acts around Beige from time to time. He's judging his brother immensely everytime. Just let her clear the hyperdrive so they can go!

Moon!

-It should not be a shock he's still a scientist in this au. (Mad scientist Sun would say...)

-But in part of that, its due to being part of a Space Camp. He's suppose to be in charge of the sciences of how rockets run. However he uses most of that to make his own things.

-It usually does end up with the kids handling it. Unless Sun gets involved. Kids love the anti gravity chamber a lot.

-Also in this AU he is still AroAce.

-However since Sun and him are under a company, they don't usually leave the Camp. They can't really.

-Moon has made a Star.

Sun, sweetie my darling.

-Although him and Moon run the Camp together, Sun mostly handles the kids. (Although, Sun more or less just doesn't want them getting hurt cause of Moon's experiments.) -He's been having trouble with some outsiders makings noise lately but it's usually something he can handle. The dome around the place keeps the camp relatively safe (and Safer with Moon's additional technology)

-He goes by his own checklist, although the one from the higher ups isn't something he wants to fully deviate from. It's kept things running, and their own job secure.

-He may be dressed up as a Spaceman, he's uh... not actually one. At least not by astronaut standards.

-They don't talk to other models of themselves.

-Earth and Sun usually can talk for hours. However, he tries not to keep her too long. She's got others to check in.

Bloodmoon, yes it's him!

-The possibly second youngest.

-He's the only model of his type that... well Ruby's seen actually.

-An avid fan of Invader Zim, due to many movie nights he's had with Ruby. (In an effort to help him learn some things about people...without being near too many.) -He doesn't understand why he needed clothes, unaware of his own autonomy.

-Unfortunately for everyone, WAS destroying planets and ships, destruction in his wake. No one could keep him contained. Until Ruby. But she's not really trying to contain him.

-His curiosity mainly keeps him in check, at least in regard to his learning program. He still seeks some chaos, even if it is on a isolated ship in the meantime.

-Comet Boy! Danger, do not engage.

Angel, y sweet sweett bababyyy

-Probably the oldest? He's quite a mess it's hard to tell.

-Has been passed around here and there from job to job so he's very well versed in many skills!

-Earth finding him again was a blessing. She thought she lost him. Incredibly thankful for Cosmo.

-Is far more interesting in helping Cosmo than being helped. He's survived quite a bit!

Killcode, don't you forget my giant man.

-Was made by Moon, or from Moon. In doing so, he's got a few quirks he picked up.

-Such as... He's actually less violent. However able to withstand radiation, rocket blasts, high velocity impact, mundicide... Assumingly.

-Incredibly Tall. A normal person would maybe feel incredibly intimidated by how much he towers.

-A darling cook, he mostly has to kneel for that though. Not many ktichens he's been in are for his height.

-He's a rather calming personality, has no qualms to start fights.

Earth and Solar Flare (or welll... the ACTUAL Sun)

-Two AI's made for well.. as you guess the Earth and the Sun.

-Earth is as expected to be motherly, warm, stern with her own wants. While SF has less expected results of being rather recluse, cold, to the point and selective in their interactions.

-Earth is partly why the actual planet is far cleaner. With her being actually forthright about the planets condition. It helps if theres someone who may be disappointed if you throw your trash on the ground, or company's dumping waste. She may have been made, but she more or less is her own being. Most don't mind since her main concerns usually fall with her own planets affairs. That doesn't mean she doesn't have concerns of other places.

-SF was made as a safe bet to monitor the sun. However, hue to unexpected AI developing their own personality. SF doesn't fairly speak to much anyone aside Earth. He rather feels she's better at relaying information than he is. Ironic, they find.

-Recently some reptilian android has started to make some impressions on Earth, SF doesn't normally hear her talk about individuals like this aside the 'children' she oversees.

-Earth also ended up supervising the celestial and eclipse models. Attaching to them far more than expected but due to- [The Rest is too glitched to make out.]

Well that was more typing than I thoguht it'd be. But me and Neko have quite a bit of art. The main inspiration for a lot of it is retro futurism. But thank you for asking! You also got Earth in there too. My sweet lady I love her.

#solar flares design needs some work actually but thats kinda because his OG look IS more on line with the style actually.#anyway theres lore here and there but also #missing a few things #lots of romance in this au more than u think #ALSO YEAH MONTY IS IN THERE BUT UH DFBHSJKDS #sams space au #space sams au #tsams #sun and moon show #myart #*looks at all the art i havent show* ah #i think about the models and their differences a bit more and time... but another day when it comes up

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thenotsoholyspirit · 5 months

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Holding pt 2

(Here for pt 1)

Matt Murdock x reader (angst)

Note: I never expected to do a part 2 for this, but I got inspired re-watching the third season. I hope you guys enjoy it ❤️. Also, a bit of a trigger warning for the mention of the death of a pet.

Summary: What if Matt came back after all that happened, what if things could change.

♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡◇♡

"It was a building, an old abandoned storage. It was a horrible incident indeed. Authorities have yet declared the reasons for its collapse, but apparently, some criminal group is-"

Will the tv anchors let go of that new? It's been more than a month

I sigh as I start to bite the head of the pen in my hand, turning the tv off. I look now directly at the blank screen, only being able to see my own reflection. I look exhausted.

I am exhausted.

It's been weeks since Matt Murdock has been declared dead, more than weeks since I've myself collapsed into some sort of numbness.

It was almost months since I last saw him, yet..

You could've prevented this

I shake my head, trying to get the thought out.

The darkness in the room seems almost too engulfing now. My four walls feeling closer and closer now. I close my eyes

You can not take responsibility for everybody..

I remember my mom telling me this the day my first pet died. It was an accident, the poor bird escaping his cage and getting electrocuted by some some disjointed wires from the utility pole.

Not everything is under your control

I remember his little body dead on the asphalt eyes wide open, looking like he could wake up at any time and take his flight..

Suddenly the noise of the keys opening my door make me stand up. I quickly go grab the old baseball bat hidden under the couch and I go stand besides de doorframe.

Breath

When the person enters I immediately go for a hit, only to be surprised as what appears to be a man easily stops it mid-air making me loose my balance and stumble.

"What th-"

Suddenly he grabs me by my waist preventing me from falling on the floor. Its so dark I can barely perceive his face, yet his voice makes my heart suddenly drop.

"Please..this time I can explain (y/n)"

I immediately pull away from his arms as I go quickly grab my bat again and turn on the lights. I feel my hands weaken their grip as I now recognize the man in front of me. It was Matt. it was actually Matt.

Its you

But I keep my defensive position. Its impossible. This cannot be.

"Who the f- are you". I spat, trying not to let my vulnerability take over.

The supposed Matt stays in place, as I can see him twitching a small smile. He retakes his serious tone

"I know.. I know how this must appear from your side but you must believe me.."

I look at his eyes. Those puppy eyes he used to make when I caught him in trouble. For such a strong man he could be quite sensitive indeed. But I cannot forget neither.

"Even if..if this was true..how..how do you want me to trust you..after all that happened"

He looks down, shame now filling his face. He must have remembered the last time we saw each other. Not the best goodbye indeed. He bites his lip

"I know..I.. I didn't come for forgiveness just..I thought...", He turns his head around, probably scanning the room, "That you deserved to know the truth before you heard it from someone else.."

In the depths of myself, I know all I wish to do is to jump to his arms. It was him. He was alive.

"What exactly happened?"

My voice wasn't as cold as before but I still hold an strict tone, wanting to keep my distance.

He nods his head as he takes a long breath.

"You really want to hear the whole story ?"

"Ive got all night"

So thats how for the next hour he tells me what he seems to know about this Hand. The war. Stick and even the two deaths of his ex. It was a lot I admit, but I still listened with attention to each of his words. We both end up sitting face to face on the floor

"So that's how I ended up here", he finally says raising his shoulders.

I could notice something in his tone. Something more lonely that what used to be in there before. Something more bitter too, but I decide not to comment on that.

"So neither Karen or even Foggy know that you're alive and well ?"

He groans a bit. Probably a touchy subject.

"I'd rather leave it like that... they're safer that way"

I sigh. Some things never truly change

"Then why are you here Matt?"

"I told you.. I-"

"Bullshit"

My raise in tone paralyzes the conversation for a moment. Matt seems surprised and stays silent waiting for me to continue

"Sorry..just", I try my best to hold my emotions, "Last time you were in here..you..you left me Matt..you left me..."

"(Y/n).. sweetheart..I'm"

"Don't you dare call me sweetheart Matthew.." Im now standing up giving my most glaring stare at the man in front of me. "Don't you dare use that word"

Not everything is under my control

"I.." , I look at him again, " I had to mourn you twice..twice.."

Now tears are falling from my eyes. I know he can sense them but I don't want him to comfort me. I have to be strong

"I loved you with all my heart"

These last words are merely a mumble.

The noise of the outside is louder, the cars, the streets, the people. The city being so alive. All of what Matt can hear and perceive, his life. His real life. Not here with me, but outside.

He seems unsure what to say next.

"I never wanted to lose you", I've never heard his voice being this fragile "I just wanted to protect you from all the danger I brought upon you.. I don't want to make excuses just.. I got lost in the way"

He tries to come closer to me, putting his hand on my cheek cleaning my tear

"I'll try to make it up... even if it takes me a whole eternity to do so"

I look at him. Will I be able to ever forgive it all ?

I softly take his hand from my face. Holding it with such strength, like if he was about to vanish again. We stay in this silence for a while. It was a lot of feelings for just one night.

But time is still moving as I look at my kitchen's clock.

"Its getting late, I'd guess you have to go"

He nods letting a sad smile slip.

"Yes I guess so"..

He walks to the door, putting his dark glasses and cap on. He gives me a long stare before going. I wonder what he may be thinking

"Goodbye (y/n)"

"Goodbye Matt"

I see him disappear down the hall.

As I get back in, I think again of my souvenir of the poor bird laying on the ground. Maybe I couldn't bring him back to life, but what if he was given a second chance.

I stare at the door.

Maybe things could have ended differently in that case.

#matt murdock x reader #netflix daredevil #matt murdock x reader angst #daredevil x reader angst #daredevil x reader #marvel x reader

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unlirise · 4 days

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🖋️ 240527 • mon

i wanted to start off this week with something productive. ive already gotten into a rough start by waking up late. i should be stricter with myself so that i can get things done on time. a week of productivity should not be followed by a week of the opposite. especially when it's easy to get carried away by relaxation and other leisurely activities.

to start it off, i did some journaling and decided to put a bit more effort into its layout and composition. later when i get back from my haircut, i'm hoping to make even more progress on my thesis.

ik ive been saying this over and over, maybe i should have a visual tracker so that i can see how much it's moving as well as to actually motivate me to finish it off. the revisions are done but because of the changes in my methodology i might have to make changes to the instrument. these are taking quite some time... especially since i'm doing this thesis solo and research isn't exactly my strongest suit.

rant ahead if you want to keep reading

i'm kinda excited to get my haircut, though. i wish i could say i was very excited but i can't enjoy it because of how controlling my parents are abt it.

not to trauma dump on the internet but it's my blog so here goes. my parents are kinda being dumb about me wanting to cut my hair. i initially wanted a bixie cut that was similar to winona ryder's. when i asked my mom (yes, i have to ask permission to cut my hair bc i'm not paying for it and i'm using their money for it), she was quick to make it all about my sexuality (i'm pan). she even ranted to my grandma about it. so i'm getting a layered bob cut instead, but my parents are adamant that i go to this family friend hairdresser so that he can advise me (?) on how to cut and maintain it (??) so that it looks good on the graduation pictures (???????). that threw me off bc the reasons why i want to cut my hair are:

it's flipping hot, my guy, the humidity isn't giving my hair gets so brittle and dry. ik i can just tie my hair up but sometimes i don't want to bc i need it to breathe. but i don't want to have to feel my hair act as a towel, collecting my nape sweat.

i never liked having long hair. it's too much work for me. the constant hair brushing, the longer showers, the long hair drying, and the long strands getting everywhere? i've never been able to properly take care of long hair. i prefer shorter hair bc it's easier to maintain and easier to style. and personally, i think it suits me so much more.

but my parents want me to keep my hair long for a bunch of graduation pictures that i won't even be taking right now since i'm not graduating this year.

and my mom? i don't understand but ever since i came out as pan to her, she never truly made steps to understand what that means. ugh, idk. might make a long post abt this sometime in the future.

#university #student life #college student #uni blogging #uni student #college blog #bujo #bujo aesthetic #bujoblr #journal inspo #journal #journaling #my journal #journal entry #rant post #sorry for the rant #i hate my parents #idk why theyre being so annoying abt my hair its literally my hair its my life #my parents are so controlling

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pinyeti · 4 months

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dear tumblr

today I start my first day of junior year of college pt2

not really an insane first but it feels pretty important for some reason let me give you a rundown

I have an art thing due today so I spent all of last night on that THEN AT 4AM I SAW A MUKBANG ON NOODLES and don't ever do this I feel sick I ate noodles very early and I put frozen corn in it except it was very last minute so I doubt it had time to cook properly which is probably why I feel this sick anyway then I DONT FINISH MY ART THING cuz I've never worked with neutral tones before and have no idea how to design it for a wall in 3 hours so I just.... watch Carol and the end of the world for a bit and slowly fall asleep at 4.30am

I have a 9.30 TODAY [CURRENTLY WRITING THIS IN MY TAXI ITS 9:14] SO OBVIOUSLY I wake up at 8:30 unprovoked thank god I had the forethought of having my shirt ironed cuz clothing decisions would have killed me, I contemplate making breakfast for my family [my moms not in the country rn] BUT I REALIZE THE MEALS IVE PREPPED FOR THE WHOLE DAY HAVE BEEN EATEN BY PIG BROTHER so I decide im gonna order them something at lunch time then (ok tmi [actually what part of this ISNT tmi]) I try shaving my girl stache cuz I've had issues in the past but MY STUPIF PINK GIRL RAZOR WONT WORK I DOUBT I CAN DO ANYTHING WITU IT AND ITS SO OVERPRICED FOR NO REASON so I pull out my dads razor (A NEW ONE DW) AND IT WORKS WONDERS WTF AND IM WILLING TO BET MY NEW SQUEAKY CLEAN BABY FACE ON IT BEINF LESS EXPENSIVE anyway then I go keep all my dishes in the kitchen cuz I have a billion in my room you'd think my depressive episodes give birth to them but really it's just me always (woah my taxi guy just dodged a food biker and I felt it in my bones) I steal my little sisters makeup cuz her makeup is pretty cute she's pretty cute i wish I started makeup when I was younger so I'd be a pro now but no I had to be not like other girls UGH. THEn I take my club banner im president just president things and run to a taxi and start updating everyone on tumblr and it kills time till my first class of the day isa301 introduction to database management systems surprise I do information systems and business analytics and I have no idea why

I think some of it is me being extremely insecure about my skills, I love art but a career in it? after seeing my dad struggle following his dreams? yeah no I'd take a cushy job and financial freedom any day

the world wants dreamers to dream when everythings working against them you're sick for that world I hate you but I adore my dad for being a dreamer and I think he's the coolest and he's so supportive my moms so supportive too ofc there are the absolute horrible moments but today I feel like seeing tje world in a good light (I'm expecting pictures of the messy room I left behin)

whys it taking me this long to get to class it's 9.27 and I have the banner to keep in my office so I need to do it quick hmmmm should I be late to nash's class or walk in with a banner snd a sob story I really need this professor to be on my team cuz he grades you based on how much he likes you seriously I didn't realise people like this actually existed okag I might have time to quickly go place the banner it's 9.28 I'm so dumb I didn't check where my class is

#i rant #rant post #college #im going insane #funny memes #haha

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aj-theteenagecondition · 1 year

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the teenage condition-chapter 1

(none of this is proof-read, read or do not idc)

ive got this nervous feeling about starting something new. i haven't felt really anomymous and simultaneosly been interacting online in forever, not since i was too young to reasonably be a functioning part or a contributer to the internet. before i was old enough to have my own accounts with my own name and age and personality, i still snooped and lurked around the web, but i wouldn't dare post something. i felt guilty, afraid, that oh god oh no, someone (my mom probably) would find that i watched unreasonable amounts of youtube when i said i was asleep, or read copious amounts fanfiction for a fandom mostly written about by 12 year olds and therefore, was quite shit. but im just writing, because my brain feels like it has to, and writing on paper can get a bit slow, and im terrible at keeping a good accurate journal (for fear that someone i know will read it and finally see me or understand something critical and embarrasing about me). i was going to start an angsty teen journal in a black moleskin notebook, but i felt guilty that i had too many notebooks i gave up on halfway through.

its raining like the worlds ending where i live, which is to be expected in january. i hate winter. i understand that people love the snow and rain and wearing their earmuffs and cute outfits, and ice skating, and skiing and snowboarding, etc etc. but my room is cold and my feet are cold and my hands are cold and my school is flooding and waking up in the dark makes me want to die. im not really looking forward to getting life back on a schedule and going back to school. i go to a good school, i have plenty of friends, ive never fallen too behind. things are fine. but also: things are suffocating. so many people who i've known for literally my entire life. and my same friends talking about surface level topics. sometimes i wonder if we really know eachother at all. and other times i love them so much that everyone around us pales in comparison. lately (for the last year) i've felt like i need a closer friendship, i need an outlet, i need a confidant, and even though i have known them for like 10 years, i don't feel like i've ever had that. i dont think i've ever had that with anyone at all. probably a bit of me problem.

i was on a long trip with my family over winter break and started having quite bad anxiety. to get through it, of course a good distraction would do me some good. and what better distraction than reading one of the most famous fanfics that the internet seems to have been absolutely raving about: All The Young Dudes. i finished it this morning. ok actually this afternoon. mostly what i would like to say is: fucking ouch guys. i didnt actually have that much of an interest in the fandom (definetly not planning on reading anything else about it or interacting or writing), to be honest i wanted to see what all the fuss was about. now that i've actually read it all those "anything for our moony" audios on tiktok from like over a year or two ago really pack a punch. my thoughts: the beginning was very slow, but that definetley made the rest of it more impactful; sirius and remus's relationship is actually pretty toxic, but it was delightful to read; i struggled to get through any chapter after they left school, i predicted that it was going to hurt and boy howdy did it. i get it a little but also so much of it was so sad and so much of it was all unprocessed trauma and unresolved conversation and arguments, which sort of pissed me off.

not to say that it wasnt beautiful and also helpful. things i was reminded about myself through reading atyd: my friends dont know to much about like the vulnerable parts of me but its probably because I AM bad at communicating and being open; i do not like unresolved convos and arguments (my parents fight fr); i am probs trans, and have accepted that but not really bc if i had i would have processed it and actually made a move in some direction after mentally having proposed this idea to myself like 3 years ago with the irrisputable evidence of feeling gay for men; i avoid dealing with my problems; and of course i really love a story about buddies being pals.

also i cried a lot reading it

#spilled thoughts #atyd #whydididothistomyself #ouchie

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moomoomooing · 3 months

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mild rant? mostly thoughts :)

yk ive just not been a fan of how quickly my mood and possible depression is flipping from eberythings fine and im only a little stressed but its ok! to jesus fuck let me rot (projects and deadlines are suddenly piled up and its overwhelming, but i also feel like this when i have nothing i can do)

i try to keep on a shower schedule cause of my class times (i have night classes half of the days so i shower on my off days) but it means i gotta be nasty for a day on sunday till i shower that night. and i never have the willpower to go to the studio feeling nasty,,, even if it wouldve been great to get work done and satiate the restlessness i get from being in my dorm all day

but i didnt and now im plagued with guilt and more stress/ anxiety yippees

on another note my roommate is really REALLY good at finding ALL of my triggers for anxiety or fight or flight responses. so far they nailed using my mirror/being TOO close to my belongings without asking (they eventually asked and i gave permission out of being nice but i severely dislike it and it makes me hyperaware of everything she does when i hear her close to my dresser). they got my i will tense up and not breathe till its over response to alarm sounds (i hate them theyre incredibly anxiety inducing and i always wake up before my alarm usually out of fear. thankfully now my alarms a last resort/reminder of time if i dont wake up early). and!! they let the door slam (boo loud noises), are constantly on a call they often dont wear earbuds for and talk really loudly half the time, or is on call past 12 am (i feel intrusive and also please i cant sleep if youre on call)

theres also other general icks that are hopefully getting better? im noticing less of smth that i hate that they do (its a not cleaning after yourself type deal) but it could just be coincidence

oh also im trying to apply for jobs (remote part-times or internships) and frankly im scared. the reason it took me so long to get a job in highschool was also straight fear and anxiety lmao

i would love money tho (pssst i have commissions open :D)

OW SHARP RINGING NOISE WHERE DID YOU COME FROM????????? ALL OF THE WHITE NOISE DISSAPEARED AND ITS ONLY THAT

anyways i got another strike of hypersensitive skin??? no idea what causes it but it made the underneath of my forearm feel like i scraped it across concrete. 0/10 i didnt have a pleasant showering experience

oh on a better note being so far removed from my family and the fact we basically never call or text has been quite freeing

its like when i was actually at public highschool and had agency over myself in a way i didnt have when my mom was around (basically her presence was usually STRESS)

on a lesser note i havent been talking with my two other friends (ill call em the trio, them plus me) and its been kinda radio silence from everyone? i havent exactly been great either but my infrequent requests for vcs are usually ignored or not responded too which sucks. it makes me more paranoid than id like to be

our time difference definitely makes it way harder too tho, im ahead by a few hours. ik weve gone months without talking before then picked it right back up, but im always scared during the radio silence anyways

im always scared and curious abt other ppls opinions on me, usually the ppl i consider friends. ik one of my friends likes me? but their friends (the 4 of us will be rooming together next year, theyre also technically my friends but my usually point of contact with them is through my friend) i cant tell how much they like me? its probably my unfamiliarity with them but it makes me nervous for no reason

anyways if you actually read all of this, sorry for taking away your time? i reccomend soft gepard x sampo (hsr) fics to soothe the mind, theyre cute.

also hey haha if youre one of the two friends, literally the nickels, are reading this? erase it from your mind please and thanks

#maybe thinking abt giving your cat a signed consent form to allow them to eat your corpse should you die and the baby has no food #isnt exactly a normal and perfectly sane thought #but what if the baby needs it bc someone tried to be mean abt it :(#jesus ok maybe i should fight with my mom again for some diagnosis #i got told that my level of anxiety is totally normal and i just need to deal with it

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arosebyan0thername · 2 years

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TW for disordered eating under the readmore

My blood pressure is definitely getting worse; I'm on a medication that's supposed to raise it but when I measure between doses I'm usually under 100 on my top number and low 60s to high 50s on the bottom and it didn't used to consistently read low like that. I think a big part, if not the whole reason, is because I haven't been eating nearly enough, but it's just so hard to actually get myself to eat anything. I frequently don't have time for breakfast because I usually wake up right when I have to get ready for work, so I got protein drinks and uncrustables, but neither of those are enough to hold me through an entire 8+ hour shift. I don't usually eat lunch at work because I rarely have time because this company is bullshit and they keep pushing stupid projects on us and we're understaffed. I've been trying to at least have a snack at work, but it's usually just a small bag of chips or something that I can eat in 10 minutes. On my days off, it's hard to make myself food because my mom is Always In The Fucking Kitchen like she just hangs out there, and if I stay in a room with her for more than three minutes, she'll start talking and then won't stop for two hours and will follow me around to keep telling me about how her childhood was horrible or whichever new adhd symptom she discovered she and my sister and I all have which ive known about for years. Like I can't express how exhausting conversations with her can get because she just. does. not. stop. And it's because she doesn't ever go anywhere and spend time with anyone outside of our immediate family but that isn't my fault! I just want to be able to relax on my day off! I normally try to have some easy meals that only take 2-3 minutes in the microwave, but usually that's pizza hot pockets or actual mini frozen pizzas, but I can't eat pizza without bloating and getting acid reflux and stomach cramps so I try to only have it every once in a while. And usually at night after work I'm too tired to cook, let alone wash all the dishes I need for cooking. Ive been falling asleep within an hour of getting home from work lately so I just haven't been having dinner. All this together means there will be days when all I eat is an uncrustable and maybe some chips or a candy bar for the whole day. I'm afraid to bring it up with my dr because I don't want to be institutionalized because I just cannot fucking afford it but I don't know how to make myself eat more at this point

#personal #tw: ed #tw: eating problems #just need to get this out of my brain and into the world #maybe someday ill actually get a therapy appointment

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bentnotbroken1fanfiction · 2 years

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(This is my Harringrove for Ukraine piece for @callieb, though it's not actually Harringrove. It's a post s3 Billy centric, angst hurt comfort ficlet....so I may have to write up something else now that I really think about it....yeah, I'll write up something better)

Billy doesn't know how much time has passed since he went up against the monster that stole his body, but he does know one thing.

He's definitely dying.

It hurts…and sucks ass, but it is what it is.

He supposes it's fine. At least he stood up to it in the end. He broke free from the control. He helped that girl.

The one, the only one who saw him. The him inside the monster.

So he at least did something worthwhile in his sad pathetic life.

Right?

He protected her.

She's alive. She will be able to see her friends and family again…

And Billy…

Well, it doesn't matter because he's alone.

So, no one is going to mourn him. No one is going to cry over Billy Hargrove.

So, it's fine.

He can let go.

Nothing is tying him to this miserable plane of existence.

His moms already gone…so there's nothing…

Nothing and no one.

"Billy?"

No one gives a shit about him…..

"Billy!"

Right?

"Wake up, Billy!"

So….why is someone calling his name?

"Billy, please. Open your eyes!"

Someone is holding his hand, putting pressure on his chest…

"Not like this! You can't give up like this! Please!!"

Who is it? Who is pleading so desperately? Don't they know he's worthless? Don't they know what a horrible person he is? All the shitty things he's done? He was stupid enough to get possessed for fucks sake! and anyways, don't they know even if he was a good person… that it's too late? He's got too many holes in his guts. He can feel his life force slipping away with the blood pooling beneath his cooling body.

It's over.

He's finished.

The sobs are quiet in his ear. "Don't go."

There's nothing left for him here…

"Please don't leave me." The voice breaks as they softly add, "Don't leave me with Neil."

And with sudden and frightening clarity, Billy knows the owner of this sad miserable voice. He knows it and he knows how wrong he's been…knows the voice is right. He can't die like this. He can't leave….he does have a reason to stay…

If he dies….his dad might…

He can't let him hurt…

"Ma..Max." He is barely hanging onto this world but he speaks her name with a mouth full of slick black sludge. He can't get his eyes to open or his limbs to move but he can still force himself to speak. "Don't cry."

"Billy? Oh, my god, hang on! Help! Someone help me!"

Now he's aware of multiple pairs of hands touching him, pressing down on his abdomen, on his chest. Someone is pulling back his eyelid and shining a light. Many people are talking, yelling over one another.

But Billy doesn't care about them.

He just wants Max to know- "It's OK. Max…I won't….I won't leave you with him."

Her voice is farther away when she calls out to him, "They're going to help you. So just hang on a little longer. You hear me? Hang on!"

He has no strength left to answer her but he manages to crack one eye open and sees her dirty face, bloodshot eyes and tear soaked cheeks.

He wants to tell her sorry again. Tell her not to cry. But he can't…he can't even keep his stupid eye open. He's just so….

Everything goes black.

…Tired.

The next time he opens his eyes, it's light outside. He's lying on a bed and not the nasty concrete floor of the mall so he must be in the hospital. He tries to sit up but every nerve ending in his body lights up like a christmas tree.

Fuck. He's bananged up real fucking good and there's an IV in his arm, though by the amount of pain he's in, it must be out of the good stuff.

He groans and glimpses the movement of red hair next to him.

He's a little surprised that she is actually here. "Shit…Max?"

She looks up, eyes still as red as they were the last time he'd seen them. "Billy!" She moves, he thinks, to hug him, but stops herself short. Instead she awkwardly sits back down. "You've been asleep for three days." She says quietly. "I didn't think you were going to make it."

He sighs, which causes his ribs to ache. "You and me both, shitbird."

"I'll go get the doctor." She stands to leave but Billy pushes through the pain to grab her wrist, stopping her from going.

"They can wait. I'm not going anywhere."

Max looks confused but nods and sits back down. "OK."

They are both quiet for a moment, neither really knowing what to say.

The thing is, Billy has a fuck ton of shit to say. So much to apologize for. So much to atone for.

"Max?"

"Yeah?"

He might as well start with…"I'm sorry."

She looks taken aback. "For what?"

"For being such a dick to you." He replies, eyes trying to meet hers but failing miserably. "For…hurting you…for everything really…"

She's staring blankly at him. Like she's waiting for him to say haha! Just kidding. "Ummm. Thanks…I guess."

"I'm serious, " he insists. He needs her to know he's being sincere. "I've been an asshole. And I took a lot of shit out on you and blamed you, and that wasn't fair. I've been a shitty brother."

"Billy…I get it OK? I…I won't say that it's fine because you're right, you've been a dickhead, but like…I understand why…." She looks down at the floor. "I know why you're so angry all the time…and scared."

He feels a bit nauseous and finally remembers what it was that kept him from death's door.

"My dad…" He pauses, doesn't know how exactly to go about this. "He hasn't…he hasn't hurt you has he?"

Finally her eyes snap to meet his and they are wide with emotion. "What?"

"When I was dying….you said….you told me not to leave you with him."

Her cheeks flush a little. "You heard that?"

"Yeah…I heard it….so I need to know if he hurt you."

She shakes her head but he can tell there's still something wrong.

"Max…please. How can I protect you if I don't know what's going on?"

She hides her face from his view but she finally answers. "It was just once but…he's been saying a lot of things so…."

"It won't happen again." He promises. And for the first time ever, he can feel the confidence behind his words. He just fought of a fucking demon…as scary as his dad has been in the past, Neil Hargrove is nothing compared to that.

"But-"

"I faced off against a monster that possessed me, and yeah it about put me six feet under," he says, motioning to his blood stained bandages, "but I survived. And I swear to god, Max, I'm never going to let my dad hurt me…or you…ever again."

She doesn't respond for a second but suddenly she leans over and hugs him. "Thanks for surviving, Billy."

It hurts like a bitch, but he finds himself hugging her back. "No," He replies, blinking back a wayward tear. "Thank you for wanting me to."

#harringrove #harringroveforukraine #though techically not harringrove #it's more billy centric #and sibling feels #angst #max mayfield #billy hargrove #back from the brink of death #can't leave his sister with his dad can he #neil is a dick

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heyitsyn · 4 years

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Manager!Seijoh

a/n: im a seijoh stan and theyre my little plant babies

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

this is so long oml i hate myself

theyre an actual boy band istg

lets be honest, they probably thought you were just another oikawa fangirl

they thought you just wanted to be closer to their captain bc you were another delusional girl who wanted to live out her fantasies

lmao im not trying to be salty

but when you just stared blankly at oikawa tooru after he called you a beautiful flower,

stageplay hinata calling you a mugwort

the team just about threw themselves on your feet

tbh you werent really there to get a boyfriend or for oikawa

you just needed an after school club and the other teams already had managers

the only sport that didnt was the boys volleyball team

imagine why

you were actually a little wary, since you knew of oikawa, being a first year yourself, and you were aware of his psycho fangirls who could probably kill you

but you needed a club that would last you for the next 3 years to graduate

it was kunimi who actually recommended being a manager

you were in his class and you noticed him sleeping in the morning so you gave him your energy bar

‘thanks’

you shrugged and smiled

thats why he tolerated you more than others

you were nice and you were the only one who noticed his tiredness, even the teacher left him alone, and did something about it

sometimes, you even gave him an energy drink

‘can you tell me why youve been so tired lately? i dont think ive seen you wake up until lunch’

he opened the snack and started munching while replying

‘early morning practice for volleyball is still a big adjustment. our captain demands us to be there 6 in the morning sharp and if we’re even a minute late, we’d have to run laps. like for every minute youre late, you have to run those amount’

oh my why is kunimi talking so much

but i love kunimi and first year seijoh boys rights in this household is valid

you furrowed your eyebrows

‘but yall are still growing and you need all your sleep. if i were there, id yell at your captain’

he grinned slightly, imagining your short height beating up their captain

‘meh. you want to be our manager? i saw you looking at the clubs board yesterday and we dont have one so you could take the opportunity and beat him up then’

ofc you agreed bc kunimi was best boi and you just wanted him to have enough sleep for once

after class, he waited for you to finish packing up and when you finished, yall left the classroom

until another guy with a spiky hairstyle joined you and you noticed him as the guy who sometimes came over to eat lunch with kunimi

‘oh, hello l/n-san’

you smiled gently

‘drop the formalities, kindaichi-kun. its only fair.’

he nodded before walking beside kunimi

‘kindaichi, l/n might be our new manager’

the onion head excitedly looked at you

‘really?! yes! so we dont have to fill our bottles ourselves anymore!’

kunimi glared at him and slapped his stomach

‘shes our manager, not our maid’

you laughed but placed an arm on him

‘its okay. i was a manager for my middle school volleyball team so i know a little bit about being one’

the two shared a look

god, they really hit the jackpot

as yall walked closer to the gym, you noticed the big pile of girls huddling at the corner

kunimi sighed

‘l/n, ill warn you ahead of time of our captain. hes kinda,,,, too much’

but you flashed him a smile

‘hes not the first one ive handled’

oml player-chan!!!

so when you opened the door and entered the gym and oikawa hit you with his normal antics, you just stared at him

‘okay and?’

hanamaki and mattsun howled before rushing to you and grabbing you in a hug

‘girls like her really exist!!’

you gave kunimi and kindaichi a signal of help and they nodded before gently prying the senpais off of you

‘senpai, please’

you gave kunimi a grateful nod

coach irihata went up to you bc wow, kunimi has a friend with of another gender?

‘how can we help you, miss?’

‘im l/n y/n, first year, and id like to apply as the manager’

internally, the coach sighed bc you werent the first one to apply

the reason they havent had a manager for years was bc of oikawa’s fangirls hiding themselves under that false facade

but he saw you brush off that comment oikawa make with no hint of fluster or blush on your face so he decides to give you a trial run, in guise of seeing if you could handle these chaotic boys

‘do you have any experience as manager? or do we need to teach you the ropes?’

‘i was a manager for 3 years in my middle school volleyball’

he nodded

‘ill give you one month. a trial run of a month to test the waters’

you agreed and your trial run began

kunimi mentioned that morning practice starts at 6 am sharp so you set your alarm for 5 to get ready and get to school on time before the boys

you remembered how to set up the nets so you quickly put them out (using a step stool bc we short) and ran to get the basket of balls

their water bottles were filled and you were in the middle of lugging the big basket of towels when the third years entered

the 4 of them usually came earlier than the rest so they saw you dragging the basket of fresh towels and wipe your sweat before smiling at the work youve done

iwa was so happy bc it was usually him who did this stuff and now that he had someone do it for him, it was like a god-send

oikawa’s eyes shone and he waved at you

‘yohoo, y/n-chan!’

you cringed at the loud voice of the famous oikawa tooru

‘hello, oikawa-san’

he chuckled at your politeness before hugging you

‘you did all this for us? youre so cute, y/n-chan!’

instead of the normal blush and love-struck eyes, you were actually very uncomfortable of the sudden skinship and you quickly ran to the side when iwa hit him at the head

‘shittykawa! leave her alone!’

‘iwa-chan!’

makki and mattsun stood next to you as the boys did their usual fight

‘is this all an act or are you really not attracted to oikawa?’

mattsun shot him a surprised look bc why was he so straightforward

but you just shrugged

‘hes cute, i admit. but ive seen much cuter and the boys in my middle school team was basically full of him so,,, and i hate guys who think theyre all that just bc theyre blessed w a pretty face. if anything, ill probably go for iwaizumi-san’

pop off S I S T E R!!!

you just won the heart of these two

slowly but surely, they all came to accept you and iwa straight out loves you bc you maintained this routine for the whole month of your trial run

and you still remained indifferent of oikawa’s advances and he was even impressed and slightly agitated that you werent paying attention to him

‘y/n-chan, one date! just one!’

you huffed before looking up from your clipboard

‘i like men, oikawa-san. not boys’

that comment made the guys shriek

‘y/n-chan! youre just a first year! you dont need a man!’

‘youre not a man, oikawa!’

you left oikawa to be tormented by his teammates and went to go and hand over the report to the coach

he was impressed by the notes you made bc they were ones he even missed

like the split-second of hesitation that kindaichi usually has that goes unnoticed but you immediately saw

or the wince oikawa has whenever he so much as jumps an inch

you could even tell the difference between iwa’s spike and if he was being easy or he was going full-out

this added on to the fact that the boys loved you and irihata actually saw kunimi try more

but he thinks its only to earn your praises

‘y/n, youre officially the team manager’

yall celebrated at the normal hang-out spot which was the ramen shop and it truly shocked you at how much these boys ate

granted, this was the first time you ate together but you didnt expect them to eat nearly 5 bowls each

you could only finish 2 and you already feel like throwing up

‘honestly, how do you guys not gain weight after this?’

the table you sat at, iwa, kindaichi, mattsun, and kunimi, looked at you and shrugged

‘i work out’

‘i run’

‘i fast’

‘i poop it out’

lmao im sorry i cackled too hard at this

you stared blankly at mattsun’s answer who said it so seriously that you snorted a laugh

they watched you and your laughter bc you havent really expressed yourself as much

so they made it their goal to see you laugh more

‘y/n-chan! you need to eat more!’

oikawa shouted, clearly food drunk, but you shook your head aggressively

‘i only planned to eat one bowl but he just had to shove another down my throat’

‘but you need to grow, y/n-chan!’

‘i want to grow taller! not wider!!’

As a manager:

oh boy

you basically grew into kinda their mom

‘oikawa-san! you need to rest your knee or youre going to hurt yourself! i will drag you home myself!’

‘kunimi, if you try to get this one more spike, i’ll buy you a bag of those caramel bites you like’

‘iwa-san! if you hit oikawa-san too much, youll destroy the little braincells he has!’

‘yahaba-san, nice dump!’

‘is your knee okay, watari-san?’

yall really forget that watari and yahaba exist sometimes smh

it was part of the work

keeping up with seijoh

so to keep them encouraged, you gave them praises that they always demand for and they always turn to you whenever they did something good

mattsun gives you a look whenever he blocks iwa’s spikes and you give kindaichi a head pat whenever he blocks some too

bc of how you are with them, sometimes, they forget that you are actually just a first year

they get shocked whenever you walk in with kunimi and kindaichi and talk about the current homework bc it slips their mind that their hard-working manager was actually just a 15-year-old girl

so, they try to ease the burden whenever they can

like iwa offering to help you whenever you have to take their jerseys to the laundrymat

or offering to help you with your assignments since theyve only been through it once

more like watari, yahaba, and iwa bc the matsuhana are clueless and acts like they completely skipped that grade

also

!!!!

oikawa’s fangirls ltr dont leave you alone!!!

now, its known that youre the manager of the volleyball team bc oikawa has boasted about your efforts and such

this obvs ticked off a bunch of girls bc they were jealous that you got to spend more time in a single practice with their precious oikawa-senpai than they have their entire lives

more than once theyve cornered you to threaten you to stay away from their senpai or youll have something coming for you

you never take them seriously bc you can fight too and you just give them a look and push them away

but this one time

TRIGGER WARNING-START

okay tea

the self-proclaimed president of the oikawa tooru fanclub, kenta miyo, cornered you at the bathroom with her other minions

you were just washing your hands and drying them off when she marched up to you and grabbed your hair before tugging it back

obviously you were surprised and shouted

‘oi! what the hell?!’

‘you slut! you need to stay away from my tooru, got it?!’

ehm what

you hissed and wrenched her arm from your hair and pushed her away

your hair was now a mess and you were fuming, already sick and tired of the torture these girls put you through

‘he belongs to himself, not you! so stop being delusional and leave me alone already!’

she signalled for the girls to hold on to you which you slapped away but they forcefully grabbed your arm while you kicked at them and struggle to get out of their hold

jesus what do these girls eat

miyo watches you struggle with a smile and cackles

‘oh? no fight anymore, little kouhai?’

you glared at her

‘i dont want to beat yall up bc id get yelled at by tooru so you need to let me go or regret it’

at the mention of his first name, her eyes widened and her face twisted and she slapped you

‘oi! respect your senpai, you brat! dont you ever say oikawa’s first name!’

your lips curled

‘oh? thats funny, because he actually told me to call him that since he wants his cute little manager to be very comfortable with him’

you achieved a feat that she has been working to get her entire high school life and miyo was not happy

‘ive been with him for 3 years and you just suddenly show up out of nowhere and call him that?! i dont think so!’

she had her hands around your neck and you gripped her arms, making her wince

but you laughed at that comment

‘heh, thats pathetic, isn’t it? here you are, my senpai, who has been vying for his attention for 3 years only to be ignored yet a mere first year, who shows up out of nowhere, has been asked to a date nearly a million times every day. that must be tough’

she shrieked at that comment and threw you on the floor, making you accidentally hit your head at the edge of the sink

yall im actually so bothered by this scene and im wincing as im typing

you bit your lip to prevent any sound of pain to escape bc you knew thats what she wanted to hear from you

but you werent going to give her the satisfaction

instead, you looked up at her, hatred swirling in your eyes

‘youre freaking psycho, you know that? once tooru and hajime knows about this, theyre going to give you hell. they wont ever let this go bc im the manager of their prized team and their little baby sister. so go ahead, do what you want with me. bc i paid too much for these nails to be tainted by dirt like you’

saiyo, a girl you noticed to be watari’s classmate when you went and visited him, nervously tugged on miyo’s jacket

‘miyo, we should go-’

‘SHES BLUFFING. AND HERE, SINCE YOUR SOCCERFIELD FOREHEAD IS BLEEDING, LET ME HELP WASH IT OUT’

and she poured over a carton of banana milk over you, making you wince at the sticky and cold liquid

the tough facade was crumbling and you were now screaming for help in your head, hoping that stupid theory from yahaba about team telepathy to work

but it didnt

TRIGGER WARNING-END

when miyo and her girls left, you sat on the floor, soaked and sticky and bleeding

then you begin to cry angry tears

you were angry that you were being treated like this just bc you were a manager

you were angry that you let them do that to you

you were angry that you prized your nails more than punching her square in the nose

you were just angry

periodt

staggering on your own feet, you stood up and leaned on the sink, eyes widening at the dripping red liquid from the gash on your forehead, staining the porcelain sink

you were stupid and unconsciously touched it making you wince

‘shit, that hurts’

you whined quietly

there was little you can do with toilet paper and water to clean yourself up but you managed to at least stop the bleeding

you knew you had to be put on concussion protocol just in case bc you that hit was quite hard but at the moment, that wasnt your concern

practice has already started and this was the first time you werent present for daily practice

this was confirmed at the constant buzzing of your phone in your skirt pocket which you didnt listen to and instead, started thinking of ways to go to your locker and get your stuff and fake being sick but at the same time, not be seen and relayed to the team

time was ticking and you had to come up with a plan fast before oikawa will send the team to come looking around the building for you

once you looked at your reflection and smiled big, you decided it was enough to not show the pain you were in right now

girl im hurting for you

you peeked out of the bathroom door and saw the coast was clear so you quickly ran to your classroom, which was thankfully empty, and quickly grabbed your things

but as you were packing up, the tears just kept falling

it didnt stop as you bolted down the stairs, using your cardigan to hide your face from the public

once you were safely out of school grounds, you finally took out your phone and reviewed through all the worried and concerned texts from the team group chat

but you just replied, ‘im fine but i just feel really sick right now. girl stuff’

you smirked, knowing that would keep the boys away

but oikawa had to go and ask you to call him

‘y/n-chan! do you want oikawa-senpai to come over with chocolates and ice cream?! wings or no wings?!’

your jaw dropped at the question and clearly scandalized by the question

the team was too as shouting began and you could faintly hear iwa scream, ‘oh my god, shittykawa!’

‘im seriously okay, oikawa-san. i just need to be alone right now and ill try and get some sleep. good bye’

then you hung up

there was no way you could tell them

they were in their last year anyways so doing something about it wouldnt matter

and you were strong

but apparently not strong enough to fight them off though

you would cover the wound with concealer and continue on with practice tomorrow as if everything was normal

but there was only so much you could take

just yesterday, they trashed your locker and a week ago, they took your bento and threw it away

you even got into a fight with this one girl but she scampered away, too scared to do anything alone

so you were actually just tired and want everyone to leave you alone

believe me, youve thought of quitting sometimes

but youve actually created a bond with these boys

like when you take hanamaki to get cream puffs whenever he loses against iwa in arm wrestling

or when yahaba calls you at ungodly hours to express his worries for next year and to fill oikawa’s shoes

it was simple moments that you shared with each player that kept you from not leaving

soon, you found yourself crying again and the looks pedestrians were giving you was starting to make you uncomfortable

a girl, with her gross hair in a bun, puffy eyes with a bleeding wound and walking down the street

that was a sight

so you cut a corner to an alley by your house to escape from the judging eyes and you were too busy wiping your eyes to see a boy who was crouched down on the floor and ended up walking over him

omg my baby kyoken hello luv!!!!

you gasped and you were surprised and quickly apologized

kyotani was originally about to yell at you, no matter what, but he saw the state you were in and concluded you were either from a fight or was beaten up

he recognized that and decided to just glare at you and go back to feeding the stray dogs and cats

you breathed a sigh in relief when he didnt yell at you bc that wouldve been the last thing you needed today

‘sir, im sorry for hitting you. if there is something i could do for you, dont hesitate’

he ignored you and you focused on him paying attention to the strays

going into your backpack, you had a milk carton and a sausage stick from earlier

you used your thermos lid to serve as the milk bowl for the cats while you peeled open the meat and used your scissors to cut chunks of it for the dogs to have some

kyotani watched as you went into action to feeding the animals that people usually ignored

he knew you

well, he recognized you

when he watched from the top of the gym, he saw you as their manager who ran around and helped everyone

sure, he still didnt trust you

but he watched you grin and smile as the animals started to eat

‘im in a hurry right now so i have to go but ill feed you again tomorrow, okay? you too, stranger-san. ill bring food for you too’

then you stood up and ran away, probably in a hurry to fix that wound

he wouldve offered to treat it for you but he remained silent, watching the cats mewl at the now empty lid

the next day, oikawa was worried for you and when he saw you at early morning practice, he practically glomped to your side

‘y/n-chan! you okay?! oikawa-senpai was so worried for you!’

you cringed but nodded

‘im okay, oikawa-san’

‘senpai, y/n-chan! call me senpai!’

‘im not going to feed into your kink, oikawa-san’

*cue everyone busting a lung*

to this day, no one still knew what happened to you

you kept it quiet and you were sure you got everything handled

except for one person

kyotani was smart and for some reason he knew you got beat up by the fangirls and the perpetrators were easily found bc he saw them huddled around your locker, probably trashing it again, and lets just say,

no one is def going to mess w you now

back to manager moments!!

during practice matches, the boys rally around you to prevent other teams from sweet-talking you

they make sure no one gets past them and always have excuses to get your attention

you knew what they were doing but you pretended not to, heart warming at their protectiveness and hunger for your attention

even though you have your own jacket, the team gives you theirs all the time like oikawa has his special team jacket w his name at the back and when he feels threatened by schools like johzenji, he makes you wear it

‘youre mine, y/n-chan and i want that blondie to know’

‘ehm, no, oikawa-san. im iwaizumi-san’s’

oikawa screamed

lmao training camps w them is CHAOTIC

YOU WANT TO CRYYYYYY

OIKAWA IS CRYING BC IWAIZUMI IS BEATING HIM UP, MATSUHANA ARE FREAKING OUT THE FIRST YEARS ABOUT THE GHOSTS IN THE WOODS AND NOW KINDAICHI REFUSES TO LET GO OF YOU, WATARI GOT LOST GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND YAHABA IS SCREAMING ABOUT THE WEATHER MESSING UP HIS HAIR AND MAKING IT FRIZZY

reminder: threaten to quit everytime they get too much

your hugs are the best!!!!

you have a special hug for every player

oikawa gets his favorite which was the normal arm around the waist with your arms around his neck while he snuggles in your neck

iwa gets flustered easily so you hug him from behind so you cant see his flustered look

mattsun actually likes the jumping in the air so he catches you type of hug

makki is more tame and has his arms around your shoulder with his chin on your head

yahaba is the twirly kind where he just picks you up and swings you around

watari also gets flustered easily so he likes the one-arm hugs

kindaichi gets blushy at the slightest touch from you but he gives you a hug from behind you himself where he can bury his face in your hair while you caress his arms

kunimi, now he likes it when you squeeze him extremely tight bc it makes him feel loved and feel alive

kyo doesnt even talk to you what makes you think you can give him a hug

their lost for shiratorizawa really broke them though

you made them their own bentos for nearly a week to keep them encouraged and gave oikawa extra attention to keep him from sulking or practicing late

‘oikawa-senpai, lets go watch that new movie later’

‘S-S-SENPAI?!’

then the arrival of our baby kyoken

yahaba was moody the whole practice and you were currently trying to keep him from spiking a ball to someone

‘even just today, he’s late’

‘who?’

‘that stupid dog’

he just keeps mumbling and grunting

and then the said dog arrived

you peaked out from behind iwaizumi, who protectively went in front of you

shock ran through you and you pointed at him

‘puppy-kun!’

lmao puppy what

youve called him that since he refused to tell you his name, but you call him that bc he paid special attention to this one baby beagle

he raised a hand in greeting and you gave him a smile

‘youre a player here, too?!’

he ‘glared’ at you but nodded stiffly

the team really thought that he would lash out at you but he is surprisingly tolerant

the power of the manager

he still hasnt talked to you but he does respond to you and even helps you with chores, still not talking ofc

hes so tsun tsun and he deserves my heart yall

however, youve heard him talk to iwaizumi, and iwaizumi only, so youve heard his voice before

ngl, you were flustered by how gruff and deep it was

then their loss to karasuno

bruh, it was KARASUNO

the entire team fell apart and after the match, each of them ran away from you to stop lashing out

you were also on the verge of crying, seeing the broken look on your third years

your precious third years

you decided to give them their own space but you heard a loud banging sound from the bathroom

yahaba and watari were outside, clearly trying to talk to someone in there on coming out but it got louder

okay you were lowkey like, ‘hm, i should not be here’

but you recognized that voice

you knocked at the boys door to be respectful

‘kyo-san? its me, y/n’

he was silent but he did unlock it

you took this as a sign to enter and you gave yahaba and watari a smile

‘i’ll be fine. go to kindaichi and kunimi. they need your comfort right now’

tbh, you were surprised the bathroom was still intact but you saw the stall door at the very end being rattled and shaken

you remained by the door but you wanted to go to him

‘kyo-san, please come out so i can treat your injuries’

he expected you to say those words like ‘its okay’ or ‘theres always next year’ but you didnt

instead, you knew he was hurt and wanted to help him

he continued to give a few punches to the wall and the door before emerging

you wordlessly treated the wounds and offered your hand

‘im here, kyo-san. dont worry, im right here’

at the ramen shop, you told them to eat as much as they want and wordlessly gave them your card, slightly crying inside bc you know this was going to be like over a hundred dollars

but you were treating the boys bc they deserved it

you sat beside kindaichi, who was just sobbing and apologizing, so you were wiping his tears and holding his hand under the table

this precious babie

bruh i was sobbing when i watched this part like uuggghhhh

after dinner, you walked with the other third years, knowing they would go to the gym, so you gave everyone else your special hugs before sending them home

‘text me when you arrive safely, okay?’

‘yes, mom’

‘KINDAICHI WHAT’

oikawa’s speech made you cry bc despite only knowing them for not even a year, you already feel like a family

you didnt want your family to be broken but you knew they would all go their separate ways eventually

there was a big hug pile of third years on the side where you took a picture and sent it to the group chat

you had to eventually go home after helping them clean up and when you checked your phone, a fresh batch of tears rolled down

each from every person on the team but with the same sentence and same words

‘we love you, l/n y/n. thanks for everything.’

ngl i dont think this was that good and its like 8 in the morning and im extremely tired

i want to do karasuno, nekoma, and fukurodani but im so exhausted i cannot right now

2K notes · View notes

dollfaced-erin · 3 years

Text

Not So New Afterall (Sdv Sebastian x F!Reader)

A/n: I would say that to all the townspeople (Y/n) has met before her parting, she’d have at least 4 hearts with everyone, (minus the bachelors and bachelorettes who were not in the timeline) and 6 hearts with Robin, Sebastian, Abby, Caroline and Jodi.

(Lets just say Robin was good friends with grandpa and found his granddaughter a favorite)

(Caroline found her as a well-mannered and kind child when she was younger. She surely hasn’t changed her thoughts about the girl)

(Jodi always wanted a daughter and found (Y/n) a cute little baby, she really liked it when (Y/n) would come over to play with Sam and help her around the house, teaching Sam to do some housework) (the woman is fond of her)

CHAPTER SEVEN

Harvey grabbed (Y/n)’s wrist and felt her pulse. “Based on the blood she lost, she’ll need a blood transfusion! And the equipment is in the clinic!” the older male said, hoisting (Y/n) into his arms.

“I’ll need a person with her blood type or an O positive!” Harvey said as they rushed out of the cottage. “Does anyone have that blood type?”

‘Shoot!’ Sebastian thought to himself. He’s a darn A! They had no time to scan for her blood type. But he knew who has an O. “I know someone! !’ll go!” he called out before parting from the group.

The dark haired male was running down the stairs near the river before heading to the bridge near Joja mart. During certain days, the person he was searching for would be on the bridge till late.

And thank Yoba, these were on of the days.

He didn’t really want to talk to anyone, but he really didn’t have a choice.

‘But why are you doing this? For one girl?’ a voice at the back of his mind whispered. ‘You really aren’t like this. Why are you panicking so much?’

Sebastian stopped in his tracks, thinking about the voice. That was true. He isn’t one to help others. He mainly kept to himself. He’d usually be cool and wouldn’t talk much. Why was he panicking?

Was it because he hated the sight of her limp body?

Probably

He didn’t want to be burdened for his faults if he didn’t do anything but just left her body there.

Yeah, that was it.

“Hey, Seb!” Abigail called from the bridge, raising a hand to greet him over. “What’s with the frazzled look? You look like someone has been chasing you.”

“Abby,” he said as he came over. “You’re an O positive, right?” he asked, grabbing her arm.

The girl nodded, her face slightly flushing over the hold he had on her joint. Sebastian didn’t think much of it and immediately pulled her with him without an explanation.

“H-hey! Where are we going?” The purple-haired girl began to panic, but still followed the pace the male ran, keeping up with him easily.

This really wasn’t like him. He wasn’t one to panic. Why was he so energetic and loud today? He hasn’t been like this in....Abigail bit her lip as she thought. ‘In such a long time,’ the voice in her mind responded.

But taking in the sight of the clinic, she knew this wasn’t good. Did something happen to his mom? Did something happen to her family? Did...is this why he asked for her blood type?

She kept rambling all the possibilities until she never realized that they had burst into the clinic. But her thoughts stopped as she saw the new farmer on the hospital bed.

“Abigail!” Harvey called out, surprised that Sebastian knew her blood type. “Thank Yoba your blood is compatible with hers!”

Abigail stopped. Her hand falling limp from Sebastian’s grasp. Tears welled in her eyes.

“(Y/n)...?”

The said girl was laying motionless on the hospital bed, her skin pale as snow. Her eyes closed and breathing shallow. Her hair was out of its usual hairdo, leaving the strands of (h/c) messy around her face and head. Her shirt was removed to expose the the wound to Harvey, leaving on her underwear to preserve her modesty and also exposing the bruise she got from last night.

But the scar on her right shoulder,

It unlocked her self-sealed child memories.

Tears escaped her green eyes. “She’s alive...? After the accident? It’s the same (Y/n)?” she sobbed. Sebastian placed a warm hand on her shoulder.

“It’s her. She came back,” Sebastian said, a somber look crossing his eyes. “And this time, you need to help her.”

Abigail nodded as she stuck out her bare arm to Harvey. “Hook me up,” she said with determination, eyes still dripping with tears.

Abigail and Sebastian was sent to another room as the operation took place as everyone else was sent home since she needed to donate her blood. Sebastian was allowed to stay since he needed to accompany the purple-haired girl. Abigail was given a box of apple juice to help increase her glucose levels as she donated her blood to her former best friend.

Sebastian sat on the chair next to Abigail, is eyes blurred and tired as he looked down at the floor. The silence between them was heavy. Since Abigail had just remembered the dark tragedy of Pelican Town. Tears began to drip from her eyes once more.

“When did you know?” she asked Sebastian, her eyes looking down at the crisp white sheets of the clinic bed. He shrugged. “I...saw her scar, and at first it made no sense to me why I suddenly reacted to it. But then I think I thought of it too much, and...I dreamt of it,”

“No way. Did you like...have a nightmare or something?” Abigail told him, but he shook his head. “It’s not impossible if I woke up and everything rushed to my head in that instant,” he told her. “Plus, mom told me that it was true.”

“No way,” she chuckled. “She really came back, huh? At first I thought it was just...a person with a name that sounded familiar, but I thought it was just a common name. But that’s not the case anymore, it seems,” Abigail said with a smile. “After all we’ve done to her, she still came back here? Not to mention that we’re the ones that caused the accident.”

“It wasn’t you. It was me,” he said with a deep frown. “I really thought that she died, and I never registered what happened after. I even dared forget about her.”

“It’s not forgot. It’s...repressed memories and stuff when we were kids,” Abigail said, referring to one of the books she read during her classes. Sebastian nodded. “Extreme trauma would block out the memories in a way of coping with it.”

“But,” she said, clutching onto the hospital sheets. “It doesn’t make me feel less guilty,” tears collided with the white sheets as a green bow clip was in her sight. “She even gave this bow to me. I can’t believe I still forgot her.”

In normal circumstances, Sebastian would’ve felt awkward, but he understood the feeling. He put a hand on Abigail’s back, running it up and down as he tried to calm her. It was true, however. Knowing that they had forgotten their friend who had saved Sebastian, the person who had always made Fall better, matching their clothes during Spirit’s eve, who brought them little things to enjoy together during their visit,

The guilt was truly unbearable.

After a few hours after Abigail was released, she and Sebastian stayed to wait for the (h/c) haired girl. Both of them wanted to see if she was okay or not. Sam came bustling in soon after. Then Maru came out and gave them the thumbs up, all three of them jumped out of their seats to burst into the room.

“She’s been stabilized, thanks to Sebastian’s quick thinking and Abigail’s generosity,” Harvey said after cleaning all the blood. “She was in a dehydrated state and heavily injured. It was a wonder how she managed the strength to move with those injuries.”

“She’s fine, but she needs to stay here for the night so I can monitor her,” Harvey said again before looking up at the clock. It’s 9 pm. Three hours after Sebastian brought (Y/n) in. “It’s late, you all need to go home.”

“But can we stay with her? I asked mom if I could,” Sam started. “We’re staying just in case she wakes up,” Sebastian butted in, earning an eyebrow raise from Harvey. But the older male just chuckled.

“I suppose it won’t do any harm,” he started, “But please not make any noise before and after she wakes up. It might surprise her and raise her blood levels,” Harvey said before leaving the room with the three and one unconscious girl.

Sebastian turned to look at the girl who looked eerily peaceful, her hands placed above her stomach. Her right hand was attached to an IV drip, and her vitals were steady. Her clothing had changed to a hospital gown, probably not to put any pressure around her waist here the injury was.

“Lets grab a seat,” Sam said, removing the partition between (Y/n) and another hospital bed. “Are we even--” “It’s alright! We’ll put it back tomorrow!” Abigail butted in before helping Sam push the bed together.

“You guys really like her, huh?” Sam started, making the two freeze from what he said. Hasn’t he-- “Oh, I know she’s the same person from the accident,” Sam said as he removed his shoes and sat down on the bed.

“I realized it long ago, actually. When Abigail mentioned it at the Saloon, I just went with it since I thought the both of you actually forgot her,” Sam confessed, leaning against the headrest. “It was hard for me to talk to her, I was the reason she got hit in the first place.”

“But when Abby told me to just talk to her, I realized that you guys probably forgot,” Sam said, bringing his knees closer to his chest. “I remembered when she first came. Mom was careful to never trigger anything, but when she introduced herself to me, I saw the mark on her forehead. I excused myself when everything started coming back to me.”

“It’s hard, to look at her without remembering the hit. I feel like she’s been hating me, never forgiving me,” Sam said. “But when I saw she was rushed in here, I was hesitant. Mom told me to go, but I didn’t want to face her,” Sam looked at the resting girl.

“But she told me (Y/n) came back to see all of us, I bolted,” Sam chuckled as Abigail and Sebastian sat on the same mattress. But tears began to fall from his eyes. “I-I thought she would never want to see me ever again, not after what I’ve done to her,” he sobbed and Abigail slung an arm across his shoulders.

“Never really thought she’d come back,” Sam sniffled before gazing over to (Y/n). “I’m just happy she’s here.”

“Hey, Seb,” Sam called, the dark haired turning his head to face the blonde. “Yeah?” he answered. The latter gave a loopy smile, and even though he just cried, his eyes were bright of mischief.

“Do you still like (Y/n)?” he asked, making the other two freeze in place. Abigail slightly retracted her arm and Sebastian’s shoulders went tense. “Wh-what are you talking about?” he asked.

“You know what I’m talking about. Do you still like--” “Wh-where am I?” a groggy voice spoke, quietly, but loud enough for the trio to jump to the bed next to them.

(E/c) eyes started to open slowly, but squinted from the bright light. There were blobs of shadows in her sight, slowly clearing to reveal the trio before her eyes. All of them had worried expressions, eyes either red or still filled with tears.

“Abby?...Sebastian?...Sam?” the girl choked out as she slowly tried to sit up. “Wh-what happe--” Before she could finish her sentence, she was tackled back down by a force, pinning her back to the mattress. “Abby?”

“You stupid, stupid girl! How dare you get yourself so hurt again?!” she cried, burying her head in (Y/n) shoulder, trying to hide her sniffles as the girl slowly got up again.

Sebastian tackled her left side, wrapping his arms around the (Y/n) and Abigail. “You have no idea how much I panicked when you came out like that!” he shouted in frustration.

“You had us so worried!” Sam said as he hugged (Y/n)’s right side, careful to mind the injury she got. “Never do that again!” he cried out.

“I lost you once, I’m not losing you again!” Abigail cried. (Y/n) looked at Sebastian, her hand slowly coming up to brush his dark locks.

“At least I saw you at 6, right?” she chuckled, earning a glare from the male. He hit her back, harshly before hugging her again. “Yeah, but that’s NOT what I meant!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry guys,” she laughed lightly as they all clung to her.

The next morning rolled around, and when Harvey walked in, he chuckled at the sight. (Y/n) was laying down since her sides hurt to sit up, Sebastian was sleeping sitting up as he held (Y/n)’s left hand in his own. Abigail was cuddling her on her right, clasping her right arm with both of her own. Sam was similar to Sebastian, but had his arms crossed over his chest.

‘These four really have a special bond,’ Harvey thought, smiling to himself. They didn’t look like young adults anymore, but more like children who wont let their friend go.

Of course, Harvey knew that almost all the singles around (Y/n)’s age suffered from Dissociative Amnesia from extreme trauma as children. And (Y/n) herself has been a victim in the accident that caused it. He knew since he saw her medical records and he looked at her nicely healing scars. But the affect strongest was the ones surrounding her. The sisters just haven’t remembered just yet.

7 AM rolled around, and (Y/n) stirred to wake up, pulling those around her away from their dream lands too. Harvey had just left the room to set up his clinic for the day.

Harvey had agreed to let her out, and asked them to keep an eye on the healing girl. Se got 7 stitches and she had to be very careful. Abigail happily volunteered to assist (Y/n) on the farm and Sam and Sebastian would check up on them every so often.

Little did they know, Harvey had taken a photo of the quartet, sending them to their families. Of course, being the lovely mothers they were, they framed the photo and hung it around somewhere in the house.

#stardew-valley-x-reader #sdv sebastian #stardew valley #sebastian (stardew valley)#sebastianxreader #sebastian x reader #reader insert #stardew sebastian #female farmer

159 notes · View notes

soulwillower · 4 years

Text

tozier • bill denbrough

(bill denbrough x tozier!reader smut)

requested: okay so once regular requests open, here’s my idea. so the reader and richie are siblings and they absolutely hate each other and to get under his sisters skin, he fucks her best friend. so in sheer anger she decides to fuck all of his

warnings: underage drinking, very flirty bill denbrough, smut, oral (male receiving), a teeny bit of deepthroating, fingering, switch bill, unprotected sex, praise kink, a teeeeeny bit of a pain kink i guess but i think that’s it. unedited

part 5 of the tozier series [ i ii iii iv ]

(losers and reader are 20+ and in college in this)

5.7k words

♡

when richie had galloped into your room to tell you that the losers were coming over, you’d just shrugged it off and nodded your head - you were used to your brother’s friends being around. honestly, now it didnt ever bother you because despite the pain in the ass that he is, your brother sure knew how to pick a friend or two (or six).

you’re thinking about that as you pad into your kitchen, face on the floor until you see richie’s legs sat backwards in a chair.

“hiya.” richie greets you with a two-fingered salute as you look up. you open your mouth to respond but your breathing is cut short when you look to the right, where bill denbrough stands in all his stupid sexy glory in the middle of your kitchen, toying with a lighter as he meets your eyes.

bill. oh god.

“hey, y/n.” he says with a soft grin, his green eyes alight with joy as he tosses his lighter to richie, who catches it swiftly.

you try your hardest to not fucking blush because damn it, all he said was “hi” and you’re honest to god 3 seconds away from taking off all of your clothes and leaping onto him. or vomiting in the sink - maybe both. for some reason, bill always makes you feel hot, no matter how old you get and how many of his friends you bone.

“h-hi bill, how are you?” you ask back, cursing your nervous stutter. richie, who has apparently decided to throw caution to the wind and smoke openly in your kitchen instead of going out back to the yard, chuckles through his lit cig. “aw, you’re startin' to sound like him, sis.”

you shoot richie an alarmed look, "that's a bit rude." you say and richie shrugs it off, wiggling his stupid bony hand at you, “nah c’mon, it’s so cute!” he insists and you just turn even redder.

“n-no, he’s right.” bill mutters with another goddamn smile and your chest flutters with butterflies as you make eye contact. “but i’m doing really good, thanks. how are you, y/n? are you going to come w-with us tonight?”

you and richie both look at the boy standing casually at your kitchen counter, his eyes innocent as he pops a blackberry between his plush lips. you have to tear your eyes from him because he’s staring at you expectantly and you think you might fucking combust.

bill denbrough, your brother’s best friend, was very hot. obviously. he had always been sweet - when you were all in middle school you remember bill always being kind albeit dismissive when you would see him at your house in passing.

but puberty smacked into bill like a fucking freight train, just as it did to you and your brother and all of his friends, and bill was a borderline god now. it was completely un-fucking-fair, because you swear sometime between when richie slept with your best friend and now, you went from barely batting an eye when the boy was around your house to blushing when he so much as looked at you and waking up in a sweat after having a dream of him sneaking into your room from richie’s and fucking the daylights out of you.

totally, completely un-fucking-fair.

but sometimes, you kind of thought bill saw you in the same way you saw him. sometimes.

it was there in the way bill’s eyes would meet yours; it was there in his gentle words and sharp laughter whenever stan or your brother made a stupid joke and bill was three beers into the night, the way he’d immediately look for you every time he did so.

you’re pretty sure it was there most of the time - even before you started on this quest of sorts to get back at richie, because it's not like you weren't thinking about richie's friends before you started this whole thing. and bill has always been the boy next door, the friend that your mom always gushed about even from a young age; he's just grown into his looks so quickly in the five years since you were in middle school.

and that, in itself, is the real reason why you’re thrown by bill’s insistence that you join the rest of the group tonight - you can count on your hands the amount of times that bill denbrough has asked you to hang out. it's not like he doesn't like you, but it's more like he doesn't care if you're there either way. and you hate to say it, but that nonchalant attitude makes your thighs clench every time he smirks when you walk into the room.

“i mean, sure, that's cool.” you say neutrally, feeling way shier than you ought to when, at the same time, you’re watching bill crack his knuckles and all you can think about is him sliding his fingers deep inside of you.

“we're going to kiera gross's party.” bill says with barely any interest as he picks another blackberry out, and yes you are blushing again so you turn to look at your brother instead. you really didnt want to piss rich off, but if bill denbrough was insisting you go with them tonight...

he shrugs, "whatever, just don't be a bitch." he says with a playful grin. "oh, and don't get too flustered tonight, y/n. you know, cuz stan's coming." richie says in tease, making you flush. "shut up, richie." you hiss, shoving his shoulder and sneaking a glance at bill, whose expression is unreadable as he stares between you and your brother.

you'd had a small crush on stan when you were kids, which had weaned off eventually, but it used to be fairly obvious. stan was so funny and intelligent and admittedly very hot, but he and especially richie still tease you about it occasionally, which is very mortifying. you don't know why you're so flustered that bill knows - it's not like he'd care for any reason, and he's too nice to really tease you about it too much anyways, and it's not like he hasn't heard them tease you about it before.

you're just embarrassed.

"okay. yeah, i remember her. i'll come." you mutter, toying with the hem of the shirt you're wearing and smiling at bill. you feel hot under his gaze and your legs clench together just at the way his fingers tap against the counter. god.

"y/n, what the hell, 's that my shirt?" richie pipes up, switching the subject with brows furrowed as you blink. "i don't know what you're talking about." you say, trying to feign innocence as you grin at the two boys in front of you. richie scowls, "c'mon, stop stealing my shit!" he whines and you shrug, glaring at him, "stop stealing my weed, then."

"take it off." he grumbles, crossing his arms, and you scoff.

"big deal, rich, you have so many other shirts." you reason as you walk over to fill up a glass of water. "no, y/n, it's mine. take it off!" he insists, and you sigh, making eye contact with bill from across the counter.

"fine!" you snap, getting a sly idea in your head. a very bold idea, one that will be perfect to piss richie off. so you start to lift the shirt up from off your frame, lifting a pointed brow at richie as his eyes widen and he rushes towards you.

"no, no! jesus, don't fuckin' do that." he yelps. bill's chuckling and you can't help but look up at him, flushing under his smirk as he lifts his brows playfully at you. he looks so hot as he smirks down at you, his eyes trailing down to where your fingers still have the hem of the shirt lifted up slightly.

"i-i wouldn't mind." bill says quietly, a glint in his eyes that immediately makes you flush, your stomach flipping around at his words as you tear your gaze away, feeling the adrenaline rush from your brother's anger and bill's attention. your heart stops at his words and your stomach burns, butterflies fluttering around as a small giggle escapes your lips.

"bill, stop. fuck you. fuck both of you, actually." richie mutters, rolling his eyes and turning away from you both, putting out his cigarette on his shoe and standing to go throw it away. bill looks at you with red cheeks of his own, lifting a brow in tease as he looks at you.

"he was just joking, richie." you say with a smirk, ignoring how weak your legs feel. you grip the counter as you stare at bill, unsure where his boldness comes from but wondering if it's driven by the same reason you're acting up.

bill hums, smirking to himself as he pulls a few more blackberries and drops them in a bowl. "oh sure, c'mon trashmouth. i was j-just joking."

“william.” richie snaps and you raise your brows, confused but loving what was happening. you're slightly thrown off - having forgotten that bill's full name was william, but also because of the sharpness and warning tone in richie's voice.

“what?” bill asks with a laugh, looking up from the damn fruit carton as he stares richie down. it almost feels like a challenge, the way your brother is staring at bill, and you feel left out in a way that you don't really know if you want to be let in.

it's slightly tense and you’re shocked - richie is the kind of fucker who laughs at suave shit like that, but the more you think about how protective he is of his friends, the sooner you roll your eyes.

"oh....kay. i'm gonna- i'm gonna go." you say awkwardly, biting your lip. you hide your grin as you slip out of the kitchen, meeting eyes with bill as he winks subtly at you while richie shakes his head with a frustrated glare down at the lighter in his hands. "y/n," richie calls as he follows you down the hall.

you turn right at the base of the stairs, a smirk on your face. "what?" you snap. he glares at you. "don't do that shit in front of my friends, that's so fucked."

you stare at him, trying your hardest not to smile. you wonder if bill can hear you. "what? we were just teasing you, richie. i can't help it if your friends all want to fuck me."

he runs his hand over his face, groaning, "can you be quiet? bill probably heard that. and don't fuckin' joke about that. if you touch one of my friends i'll kill you." he snaps.

you shove him, completely floored that he could be so daft. "richie, you're still fucking my best friend! i hate you, why are you such an asshole?"

"whatever. stay away until we leave tonight." richie says as he turns to leave, holding up a middle finger as he stalks back towards the kitchen.

you didn't go back downstairs until you heard the others come in about forty five minutes later, spending most of your time getting ready and calming down after richie's stunt. you decided that tonight is the night you try and hit on bill. after grinning to yourself in the mirror and flattening your top against your chest, you make your way down from your room to find all of richie's friends lounging around the kitchen. of course, your eyes immediately find bill, who is still eating those damn blackberries. you chuckle.

"do you ever put those down?" you ask, causing him to pick up his head and chew slowly, grinning through a closed mouth as if he'd been caught red-handed. his eyes move up and down your figure and it makes your stomach flutter. he doesn't get the time to respond because richie's already herding everyone out the door. bev's winking at you, which makes your stomach flip, slinging an arm around your shoulder in greeting as you all file into stan's hatchback, mumbling about the girl's house whose party you're going to.

you spend the first two hours with bev and mike, playing pong and sipping casually on mixed drinks while you catch up with people you haven't seen since you graduated.

a while after, mike and bev start to play king’s cup. you opt out, instead deciding to go find some of the others. when you make your way to the kitchen, you find richie and stan taking body shots off of two girls you remember from your bio class junior year.

the sting of jealousy you get from the girl as she cards her fingers through stan's curls instantly makes you sour, shoving richie as you grab a mike's hard lemonade and crack it open on the counter.

"what's wrong with you?" richie mumbles, wiping his mouth as the girls walk away. stan smirks as he leans on the counter, his cheeks red. god, you hate being so horny. where's bill?

your eyes linger over the crowd and richie, always the asshole, takes the opportunity you'd accidentally just presented to him. "you sad stan the man isn’t taking body shots off of you? you’re not really his type, sorry.”

you gape at richie, feeling like you could murder him on the spot. you’re bright red, not daring to look at stan as he mutters, “richie, you’re a fucking asshole.”

you glare at your brother. “just trying to find the best thing to kill you with. i want you dead.”

"whatever, you don't need to be so sensitive." richie teases, craning his neck when somebody calls his name from the backyard. "sis, duty calls. catch you in a bit." he adds, his attention on your friend who'd just shown up and is waving richie over. the sight of her makes you roll your eyes at richie.

as the boys leave, stan nudges you, "don't listen to him, he just doesn’t like the idea of me liking you more than him. you're cute when you blush." he nudges your chin with his fingers and then laughs when you flush even more, turning and making his way through the crowd with a drunken goodbye.

jesus christ.

now that you're alone, you want to scream. your eyes roll back as you rub your face with a short sigh. what the fuck were you thinking, getting involved with ben, bev, mike, and eddie? and now bill? plus, what’s stan up to, since when was he such a flirt?

god, you're way over your head.

“a-are you okay?" the devil himself asks as he pads into the kitchen behind you, a smile on his face. great.

you sigh, shaking your head, "richie makes me so fucking mad sometimes." you say honestly, wary of talking shit about richie to his best friend. bill just nods, and you realize for a second you really let yourself think that richie's friends didn't know he was an asshole.

"you know,” bill smirks, “r-rich told me to stay away from you tonight.” bill just takes three steps closer, oh so slow, and it unintentionally backs you against the counter. your mouth goes dry, your body buzzing at the proximity. slowly, bill places his hands next to you and leans on the counter. “we should just get back at him to piss him off.” he mutters and your eyes widen, lips parting as you stare at him. "it's f-funny when he's mad."

your eyes bounce down to his lips, which are curled in a smirk and you breathe out shortly. "how do you suggest we do that?" you whisper, hands snaking around his shoulders and ignoring the pounding in your heart. he smirks, "d-don't know. what would piss him off the most?"

you grin, feigning innocence. "y'know... maybe if we just went into a room together right in front of him. he'd get somad." you say with a giggle. bill chuckles, turning back to see richie laughing loudly with your old friend by his side, telling some stupid story that was probably making everyone roll their eyes. "let's go, then." bill says, grabbing your hand and pulling you out of the kitchen, your face burning already at how easy that just was.

you pass the group of people that richie's in, and bill sends you a look before he taps a kid next to richie on the shoulder, effectively grabbing richie's attention. "h-hey, can you hold onto this drink? just for a bit?" bill says, handing him his cup. you follow bill's lead, handing your drink to your friend and asking her to hold onto it. "we'll be back in a bit." you say, sending her a wink and making richie furrow his brows.

you see his eyes follow you as bill grabs your hand and pulls you towards the closest room, his hand falling to your back as he ushers you into the room. as the door closes, you let out a bit of a laugh, shaking your head. you sit on the ground in the empty bedroom and bill follows, his knees grazing yours and making your stomach flip embarrasingly. he pulls out a deck of cards. "w-want to play something while we w-wait?"

you snort, realizing if you want to make richie suspicious you should at least stay in here for a bit. and it's not like you're complaining that you have to spend time alone with bill denbrough. "you want to play war?" you ask, looking at bill.

he nods and starts shuffling, handing you half the deck. "he's going to kill me." you mumble with a slight laugh. bill sends you a look. "he's going to kill m-me, not you." he says, shaking his head.

you laugh, "no, he's going to be furious. he's a bit hypocritical, he doesn't want me to have sex with you, let alone be nearyou, but he's probably going to take home my best friend again tonight."

bill hums, and that's when you realize how blunt you'd just been.

"he just d-doesn't like it when people have fun." bill says, lifting a brow as his voice goes lower. you turn slightly red as you make eye contact. "and it sounds like he kind of deserves it, anyways. i think if we had sex it would be a win-win."

you blink because wow, bill is much smoother than you expected. you look at him, his dark auburn brows rising above his half life eyes, which are trained on your lips. "then what's stopping us?" you say in a whisper, your heart pounding in your chest.

and just like that's you're kissing bill.

his lips are chapped and warm, strong against you as he pulls you closer by your neck. he smells amazing, and you surge up against him with a small sigh when his tongue brushes along your bottom lip. you're about to move over and straddle him, but a noise makes you pull away.

"out of the way!" you hear your brother's voice distinctly call muffled from behind the door and you jerk away from bill suddenly. he chuckles at you and you both pull yourselves together just as the door bursts open, richie standing at the doorway. you blink up at him with a smirk, the deck of cards in your hand as bill asks him innocently, "what's up, r-rich?"

"what the hell are you doing in here?" he snaps, looking between you with angry eyes. you snort, "we were going to play war. is that okay, dad?" you spit sarcastically. richie rolls his eyes, "get out. we're leaving anyways."

and he turns, leaving the door wide open as he tries to grab mike's attention. you meet bill's eyes and you both laugh awkwardly after having been interrupted, ignoring the red on your cheeks as you make your way towards the front of the house to meet up with the others.

richie acts like a toddler for the ride home, the streets at one in the morning empty as you all sing along terribly to the music stan plays. he's pouting and sending you and bill death glares from where the two of you sit in the trunk of the car, making you smirk to bill when richie looks away.

but after you've all gone to bed, you toss and turn in your room by yourself, unable to get bill off your mind. his lips, his hands on your neck and waist... after thirty minutes of debating, you finally pull yourself up and creep out of your room to find him in the basement with the others. you're not sure what your plan is, but luckily you don't have to finish it because you nearly run into him five steps away from your bedroom door.

"oh!" you say, jumping a bit in the dim lighting. "y/n." he says, looking surprised and guilty. "what're you doing up?" you say, letting out a breath as your heart rate jumps.

"can't sleep." bill explains, green eyes boring into yours. you hum, nodding and ignoring the blatant lie bill just told, ignoring that he's walked up two flights of stairs towards your room just because he 'can't sleep.'

it makes you grin. "well, i still have that deck of cards we were using earlier." you say, sending him a look as you gesture slightly to your bedroom behind you. bill smirks, "we n-never did get to play that round of war, did we?" he says with a charming smile.

it's mostly quiet as you set up the deck, the tension of being alone together in the middle of the night in your bedroom making you seem like you're doing something you're not supposed to. it makes you feel warm as you start playing, the first time you draw the same card giving you a good idea.

after you flip your fourth card down and see you lost, you let out a sigh. "fuck." you whisper, reaching and pulling your top off. you toss it to the ground next to where you and bill sit and then you dare to look at him.

his eyes are wide, cheeks flushed as he stares at your chest, your skin glowing against the fabric of your bra. "fuck." he nearly moans, and the noise makes you instantly clench your thighs. "these rules are n-not the ones my parents taught me." he says with a swallow. you laugh a bit, shifting as your heart pounds. "i like this version much better." he whispers.

the next time you both draw the same card, he loses, and he smirks, pulling his own shirt off. it makes you turn red because yeah, you forgot he and stan are on the baseball team and you did not expect him to be this fit. you lick your lips, pulling your eyes off his bare skin and clearing your throat. it's silent in the room, the sexual tension almost killing you.

as you both draw a matching card next time, you're about to scream from the intensity. you lose and try to hide your smirk as you pull your shorts off your legs, going onto your knees and grinning at bill. he groans lowly, biting his lip and making you impossibly more wet.

"i don't know how long this game's gonna be, y/n." he says lowly, his eyes glued to your frame. you lick your lips, shrugging as you move to crawl toward him, "we can just say i win, then." you whisper, throwing a leg around his hips and settling into his lap.

"well why can't i win?" he asks as his hands course over your bare skin, leaving goose bumps in their wake. he's grinning softly, eyes stuck on your lips with an enticing look. you melt as you lean forward, "you'll have to work for it." you whisper against his lips, kissing him.

his hand slides from your hip up to your jaw, his thumb caressing your chin softly as he presses against you. "f-fuck, y/n." he mutters against your lips as you pull back, moving your hips softly down against him and feeling his cock twitch below you. you let out a small moan into his ear as you balance your forehead on his shoulder, your fingers roaming over his chest.

he's biting softly into your neck minutes later, making you whimper as his thumb sneaks down to rub circles against your clit slowly. you palm him lightly and his head falls against the mattress, letting out a moan. you kiss him as your hand moves, squeezing him lightly and loving his stuttering breath on your skin.

you pull yourself off of him and sneak between his legs, laying down so he has a perfect view of your ass as you mouth over his boxers. you tease his cock with your mouth before you mumble, "can i taste you?"

"y-yeah, fuck yes." he breathes out, and if it weren't for your aching need to make him feel good, you might have huffed at how needy he sounded. you pull him out of his boxers and toss the underwear to the side, watching as his cock springs up to hit his stomach.

"sh-shit," he whimpers as you grin, leading your mouth down to press hot, open mouth kisses down his shaft.

he groans, one hand coming to hold your head softly, making you tingle. you watch as he stares at you, lips parted and eyes blown wide. his cock is glistening with precum as it lays hard against your palm. you lick your lips, leaning towards him and keeping your eyes on his.

you lick a stripe up the base of his cock and up to his tip, swirling your tongue. he groans in relief and pleasure as you take him into your mouth slowly, bobbing your head and taking as much of him in as you can. he's bigger than anyone you've been with before, and the need to feel him inside you and to make him fall apart has you taking him as deep as you can.

he lets out a choked moan as you take him deeper, your eyes clouding with tears as you try not to gag. you can tell he’s straining not to buck his hips as you bob up and down on him. you know he’s already close and you smirk when you hear him moan swears under his breath. he's whimpering, his cheeks rosy as he looks at you with half-lidded eyes. he's putty in your hands, and it makes your stomach flutter.

“god, you feel so good, y/n.” he groans. you pull back, sucking on his tip as you swirl your tongue, catching your breath. you take him in again, holding as long as you can and loving the way he’s writhing under your touch. he groans, one hand digging into the carpet, the other resting in your hair, his chest rising and falling shakily.

bill sits up, his eyes dark and lip caught between his lip as he watches you. “i see you touching yourself." he mutters, and your hand slowly stops rubbing your clit, your mouth stilling until he's deep in your mouth and you look up at him. "a-are you going to let me fuck you?” he says, his demeanor changing so quickly you swear you can't breathe. you turn red as you pull your mouth off his cock, a string of spit falling down your chin. he catches it with his thumb and then slips his thumb into your mouth.

"i just want to make you feel good." he says as your tongue swirls eagerly over his thumb. as he pulls it out you nod, trying to find the words to regain the authority that you'd just lost. "such a pretty girl." he mutters as he rubs your cheeks with his hands.

"please," you say, feeling desperate. "please fuck me."

he moans at that, eyes rolling a bit as he nudges you so you're laying back on your carpet. he's above you then, kissing you deeply as his hand slowly trails from your knee and up slowly towards your neglected pussy, his fingers stopping to rub your clothed folds. you let out a small moan as his fingers move, your toes curling. "so wet." he says quietly as he looks at you, watching your reactions to see what you like. it gives you butterflies.

but you suddenly can’t think of anything besides bill, because he’s slipping a finger inside your heat slowly and you're gasping, eyes clenching in pleasure.

he's building a rhythm with his fingers and you know that if anyone is awake in the house besides you, they’d know exactly what was happening in your room currently. you can’t find it to care as you look up at bill, staring back at you with swollen lips and a smirk, his fingers making you grip his hair in ecstasy.

your moans pick up in pitch and you clench around his fingers tightly as his thumb starts to rub your clit, the feeling of bliss having never felt this strong before. your toes curl and you let out whimpers, one hand tangling in his lush hair and the other holding your breast. his head dips down, lips attaching to the other nipple and swirling, making you arch your back.

his fingers pick up pace, curling and pumping in and out of you as he leaves light hickeys all around your breasts. the thought of bill denbrough marking you up for everyone, including your brother and all the other losers to see pushes you closer to the edge.

“bill, fuck, i’m close-“ you start, groaning in pleasure as he smirks slightly. you whimper when he pulls back, a devious smirk playing on his lips, his fingers sliding out of your heat. you moan at the sight of him, shirtless and hair missed up from your fingers, his mouth sinful.

he reaches his hand up to you and obediently you take his fingers into your mouth, sucking and licking up yourself from him. he watches with his mouth slightly open and eyes dark, pumping himself in his other hand. "fuck." he mutters as he pulls his fingers from your mouth, staring down at you. "you sure you want to?" he asks, lips close to yours. you nod, "please, bill, need it so bad." you say, hands rising to his shoulders.

he says nothing then, instead lining up at your entrance and teasing your swollen clit with his head. he's kissing up and down your throat and you let out a whimper, gripping his bare shoulders. and then he pushes into you slowly, his teeth grazing your neck. the sudden stretch fills you to the brim and you let out a guttural noise at the feeling. your back rubs uncomfortably against the carpet as he pushes into you, but your hands grip his shoulders tighter and all you can think about is bill.

“fuck, bill.” you mumble, moaning his name as he starts thrusting, building his pace slowly as you adjust to his size. "harder." you barely get out, whimpering as his hands grip your hips, and then he’s snapping his hips into yours.

“fuck, you're perfect.” his hands grip you, holding your legs open as your eyes roll back slightly, “look at you, f-fuck.” he pounds you into the carpet, his lips then falling to suck large marks on your neck, the stinging pleasure of your bare back on the carpet adding to the pleasure of bill tearing you apart.

his hips still snap into you deeply, his arm slipping under your back to prop you up slightly, making him hit your g-spot and making you let out a loud moan. you feel him so deep inside of you that tears prick at your eyes, the pleasure building instantly. "so pretty." he says against your neck.

you keen loudly, back arching as you yelp his name. he pulls back to look at you, hand tugging on your hair so you look at him as he pounds into you. “look at you.” his voice is deep and rough and then he's pressing a kiss to your temple as he fills deep inside you, the feeling overwhelming as your orgasm creeps up again.

your fingers scratch down his bare back, making him hiss and hum slightly, gripping your hips and lifting you slightly. after a few more thrusts, he pulls out and is flipping you quickly to your hands and knees, hand pressing gently on your back so you arch it. "shit." he hisses under his breath as he eases back into you, the new angle has you biting your hand, his cock pressing deep inside you from the pace of his hips. his lips pepper over the raw skin of your back, red and sensitive from rubbing against your carpet so hard.

and he nudges your head as he thrusts into you, tilting your jaw so he kisses you. his lips are against yours like he’s claiming you, his teeth clashing slightly with yours and his tongue dominating. you’re weak, legs shaking as he pounds into you.

you moan, your stomach clenching in ecstasy as you moan out his name, coming closer with each harsh thrust, “bill, fuck, im gonna cum,” you whimper. at your words, he pulls out of you and flips you again, so you're back on your back, this time lifting one of your legs and pushing into you quickly. your eyes roll back at the new angle, legs shaking as his fingers dig into your thigh.

“wanna see your f-face when i make you cum.“ he mutters, hand rising to thumb your lip, dragging your bottom lip down. you whimper, face red from the pleasure of his words. he's slamming into you, your back rubbing hard against the ground and his eyes admiring the smudged makeup of your eyes, the blissed, fucked-out look on your face. your chest is littered in blossoming hickes, varying from pink to dark red and slightly purple already.

his thumb rubs circles on your cllit and as he presses lightly, you can't hold off any longer. "bill, fuck!" you hiss as you hit your peak, your orgasm making your legs shake. "so pretty." he mutters against your neck, pressing kisses to it as you’re moaning and arching your back.

"fuck, b-babe, 'm gonna cum." he mutters as you look at him desperately, his eyes fall shut in bliss, a deep groan leaving his lips as he thrusts one last time into you, pulling out. you quickly move as he rises to his knees, opening your mouth as his fingers squeeze your jaw.

he's pumping himself as his cheeks redden, chest rising and falling quickly. "y/n, fuck." he mutters he as he cums, spilling onto your tongue as you look up at him.

beautiful moans fall from his cherry colored lips as he spills into your mouth, his cock laying heavy on your tongue.

you look up at him with wide eyes as he sighs, falling back down next to you. "j-jesus." he mutters, and you laugh, kissing his cheeks and then his lips.

"th-that'll piss richie off." bill says breathlessly. you laugh lightly - if only he knew.

tag list: @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier @simplesammyx @sft-core @clownsloveyou @moon-shine-baby @daughter-of-the-stars11 @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @diorbubs @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters @thegaytheatrekid @ruefulposts

#bill denbrough x reader #bill denbrough smut #tozier series #richie tozier x reader #stanley uris x reader #beverly marsh x reader #ben hanscom x reader #mike hanlon x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader

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spacedikut · 4 years

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“i want to love someone and be loved” ; spencer reid - part 2

pairing: spencer reid (criminal minds) x f!reader

summary: spencer decides it’s time to tell you, but he needs some help. 3887 words. part 1

a/n: THIS is the longest fic ive ever written but im actually kinda proud of how it turned out? i hope this is a good sequel :)

Spencer chickens out of telling you the next day.

He avoids you all weekend, actually. You resisted texting him the day after Rossi’s because you assumed he’d be busy – with his big plan involving a girl that isn’t you. You’re not bitter – but Sunday comes around and you message him not long after you wake up and six hours later there’s no response.

Twelve hours later - there’s no response.

Monday, you don’t have time to say hello to anyone – there’s a case waiting for you, somewhere in Florida.

Reid avoids your eyes. His body language tells you something is wrong, so you assume whoever he confessed to didn’t reciprocate (they’re insane) and he’s dealing with it. So you don’t press.

Spencer pretends to sleep the entire jet ride. He’s avoiding everyone, not just you.

He spent the whole weekend beating himself up. He drove to your apartment on Saturday, sat outside for so long a neighbour knocked on his window and asked if he was lost, but couldn’t bring himself to step foot out of his car.

So he locked himself in his room, away from you and your loveliness and away from his phone because he knew you texted him and he knew you’d send some soft message about being there for him if he needs anything and he didn’t need to be reminded of how beautiful and out of reach you are.

Derek seemed to be waiting for him Monday morning, arms crossed as he held a cup of coffee. It was weird seeing him in before Spencer.

“How’d it go?” He immediately asked.

“How’d what go?” Spencer mumbles, flinging his bag on the floor by his desk. He slumps in his seat.

Derek raises a dark eyebrow, “You know what, pretty boy. You had a big thing? Big plan?”

“Didn’t work out.”

It doesn’t take a profiler to realise Spencer is very clearly saying leave me alone. Leave it alone.

Derek isn’t one to leave it alone. Especially when it comes to Spencer.

He sighs and moves a little closer to Spencer’s desk, just in case someone overhears them.

“What happened?”

“That’s exactly it,” Spencer slams open a file, “Nothing happened.”

“And why did nothing happen?”

“Because I’m an idiot that can’t even tell a girl how I feel.”

“Whoa- hey!”

Derek spins Spencer’s chair so they’re face to face. Derek takes one look in Spencer’s eyes and knows what’s going on – he got too into his head and backed out at the last minute.

“You’re not an idiot. Why didn’t you do it?”

Spencer shrugs, “I got to her apartment. I had flowers, too. I don’t know.”

Derek’s evidently concerned – Spencer’s beaten up over this, over whoever this girl is, and he deserves the chance to experience love. Spencer deserves a lot more than he himself thinks he does.

“You seemed really excited, man. You can still do it. Just cause you try once and it doesn’t work out doesn’t mean you can’t ever try again.”

Spencer stares off into the distance, accidentally ignoring Derek as his thoughts slip out of his mouth, “Yeah, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway – I was stupid to think I could get someone like her.”

“Hey, no.” Derek nudges Spencer’s shoulder so he looks at him again, “Don’t talk like that. You’re one hell of a guy, Reid. All you gotta do is get that confidence that you had Friday night back, and you’re all set. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Spencer gives a feeble nod. Derek moves back to his desk, knowing he isn’t convinced, but he isn’t done yet.

+++

Later, in Florida, Spencer’s making a coffee in the precinct’s kitchen after waiting twenty minutes for you to leave. Luck’s on his side, for once, and you’ve been working non-stop with Prentiss going crime scene to crime scene so he hasn’t had to actively avoid you. You smile at him every chance you get, though, and it distracts him.

Someone clears their throat behind him. It’s Penelope, whom Spencer didn’t realise was invited on this case.

She looks guilty. Spencer recognises that face; the face she has when she’s done something she shouldn’t have or knows something she isn’t really supposed to. Given current circumstances, Spencer bets it’s the latter reason.

“Morgan told me something he shouldn’t have.”

Bingo.

He leans against the kitchen counter, stirring his coffee absentmindedly.

“What did he tell you?” He asks, feigning tranquillity. Inside he’s screaming non-stop.

She’s got her hands clasped together in front of her, almost innocently, and fiddles with her fingers, “He told me you needed assistance in the love department.” Before he can object, she continues, “And I am willing to do anything if it means our resident weirdo-slash-genius falls in love and gets to experience some much needed cuteness.”

There’s no point in lying to her. There’s also no point in being mad that Morgan told her about his situation – they’re kind of a package deal. And, who knows, Garcia might be able to help.

“So…” She sways, trying (and failing) to appear nonchalant, “Who’s the lucky lady?”

Spencer shuffles on the spot, scuffing his shoes against the floor. He debates whether he should tell her, since, you know, you’re in the next room over, but Spencer worries that Garcia is so good at her job she’d somehow find out through hacking Spencer’s phone, or maybe somehow hacking his dreams. His subconscious. He’s terrified of Garcia and her abilities.

“You can tell me.” She insists, “I’m much better at keeping secrets than Morgan.”

Spencer turns away from her, she steps closer, and he mumbles your name.

“What?”

“Y/N.”

“WHAT?!”

Spencer spins, hands coming up to tell Garcia to shut up and Garcia immediately covers her mouth in both shock and hopefully so she doesn’t shout again.

“Since when?!” She screeches. “How could I not have known?! Oh God, almighty Doctor Reid, I feel like I’ve failed you by not realising earlier.”

Her enthusiasm makes him smile, for the first time in far too long. Garcia has that power – this innate skill to comfort those around her and make them feel special, make them smile when the world feels like its collapsing.

“Let me help!” She requests.

Spencer’s clearly hesitant. He knows it’s a bad idea.

“Please!” She begs, “I just- I have so many ideas of how you can go about this. Let me brainstorm, get back to you, and if I’m too over-the-top you can tell me no and we’ll pretend it never happened!”

He takes a deep breath. Yes, Garcia is the definition of over-the-top, but that’s one of his favourite things about her. It’s your favourite thing, too. And he did tell Morgan he had big plans. Anything involving Garcia is a big plan with big payoff.

“This is between us.”

“I’ll take it to the grave. Unless you realise how amazing my ideas are and use one to tell Y/N how you feel and then years later I get to commend myself during my maid of honour speech at your wedding.”

She looks ecstatic, hands now together under her jaw as her eyes twinkle. Spencer can’t help but laugh at her eagerness.

+++

The next day, the team returns to Quantico after a semi-successful case. The general mood is good and Morgan invites everyone out for drinks – Spencer declines, but you have your first full conversation since last Friday.

“C’mon, Spence,” Your head rests against the jet seat and you blink sleepily at him, “I feel like I haven’t spoken to you for years!”

Spencer gives you a small smile, “I promised my mom I’d call her tonight. Sorry, Y/N.”

You nod in understanding, “Will you tell her I say hi?”

“Of course. She loves you.”

You grin at eachother, immediately lost in your own world. You’ve missed him more than you realised, and you have no idea what’s going through his head, but you’re happy that you’ve had this – a Spencer Reid smile that makes you feel at home and on top of the world simultaneously.

Spencer has to tear his eyes away before he blurts something stupid, like she’s not the only one that loves you.

+++

“Spencer!” Garcia greets, Cheshire cat grin on her face. “I need to see you in my dungeon, please. Immediately.”

Spencer drops the file he’s holding. Unfortunately, Penelope’s request caught the attention of the whole team.

“What business do you have in the villain’s lair, Reid?” Derek asks. You’ve looked up from your computer, Emily smirking and leaning back in her chair in expectation.

“Uh…”

“Important nerd business. Go away.” Garcia says, eyes narrow as she tugs Spencer’s hand. He’s whisked away from any further questioning, leaving the befuddled team behind.

He isn’t sure what to expect when he stumbles into Penelope’s second home, but the display in front of him explains why he overheard a conversation about missing evidence boards earlier. Penelope’s obviously been using the new printer in her cave to her advantage – there’s at least twenty different pictures printed out on one board titled “date ideas”, then the board on the right has a picture of Spencer and you in the centre with a perfectly drawn heart around it. Under and around that is a mixture of love quotes, including song lyrics and quotes directly from romantic movies. He notices “The Parliament of Fowls” on there – Garcia remembers that he mentioned it’s considered the first Valentines poem?

“Whoa,” Is all he can say.

“I know it’s a little intense,” Garcia squirms, “But! I started scrolling through Pinterest and couldn’t stop. I don’t know what came over me, maybe some type of love deity, but I started thinking about you and Y/N in a classic love film in, like, black and white and I…”

She’s out of breath from animatedly explaining.

Spencer laughs through his nose, almost a scoff, but he’s impressed. He shouldn’t have expected anything else from the Penelope Garcia.

As Spencer wanders towards the first board, Garcia follows him like a shadow, “My personal favourite is-“ She points to a picture of chocolate fondue with faceless people in very little clothing, “-this one.”

Spencer awkwardly clears his throat when he begins to think of you and him like that.

“A little much for your declaration of love, though, I get it,” Garcia nods.

He scans the board – heart speeding up when he moves from idea to idea and picturing you and him in each one. He can’t help but think no, that one would be good for our anniversary – ah, she’d love to do that one for her birthday.

“What’re you thinking?” Garcia asks quietly. She knows his brain is whirring like her computer drive, so she approaches him gently.

“This one.” He says. “Where should we do it?”

Garcia grins behind him. The one he’s referring to shows a dinner table set up outside, brown wooded table with white wooden chairs opposite eachother. There’s flowers at the centre, a bottle of wine already poured in each glass in front of a basket of cookies, and the area around is shrouded by shrubbery, fairy lights hanging delicately from every-which-way.

It’s perfect. You love fairy lights, Spencer loves cookies, and the set-up looks private enough for Spencer to feel confident when he empties his heart and soul to you.

“The roof.” Garcia says wistfully.

“We have access to that?”

“Yes.” They both know they don’t. “Leave it to me. Oh… one more thing.” She adds, hesitantly, “Can Morgan help? I’m a lot of things, including emotionally strong and your love guru, but physically I’m gonna need some assistance.”

Spencer doesn’t even need to agree – Morgan’s gonna involve himself no matter what.

+++

Five o’clock is quickly approaching and you’re slumped over your desk, lost in your work. You need to be lost in it, because ever since Garcia released Spencer from her office right after lunch he’s been sneaking glances at you (he’s not sneaky) and has made several attempts to approach you but decided against it, sharply turning and pretending he meant to go another way instead.

You are beyond confused. You assume it’s to do with the girl he’s been trying to get over – you hope he’s been trying to build the confidence to tell you exactly what happened and maybe, you really hope, he’ll invite you over for the weekend so you can slip back into your old routine.

“Psst.”

You assume they’re not trying to get your attention, so you don’t move.

“Psst!”

You still don’t move.

“Y/N!”

Your head snaps up to Spencer leaning over the divider between your desks. He looks alarmed – which is odd, given he’s the one who called you – and he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he finally speaks.

“Are you busy tonight?” He sits back and, if he wasn’t so goddamn tall, all you’d be able to see would be his eyes. His added height means you can see his eyes and his nose. You wanna kiss it.

You smile – this is an olive branch, “I am completely available for whatever it is you might need.”

You sound incredibly eager, which you are. You miss him.

His cheeks move upwards, a smile, “Can I talk to you, later, on the roof? Uh-“ He clears his throat, “-I need to tell you something.”

You raise an eyebrow, “You’re not gonna push me off, right?”

“No,” He laughs.

“Promise me.”

Now he guffaws, “I would never, Y/N!”

“Promise me, Reid!”

“Alright, alright! I promise!” He’s jokingly raising his hands in a form of surrender.

You give him another smile and turn back to your work. You feel at ease, now, thinking he’s finally gonna tell you what happened on the weekend – finally you’ll be able to help him and go back to normal.

Spencer, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of ease. He’s about to pour his heart out to you.

He takes a deep breath and looks back to his computer, which is open on a tab titled “How to Tell Someone You Like Them.”

Step 3: Be Confident.

Spencer opens a new tab and searches, “How to be confident.”

+++

Garcia hacks into Spencer’s computer to open a document and type that the roof is ready. She wishes him luck, tells him she loves him, and calls dibs on being the godmother of your future children. As if she doesn’t have enough godchildren as it is.

He clears his throat and your head snaps towards him. You’ve been done for a while, playing Tetris on your phone, waiting for Spencer to take you to the roof where he swears he won’t kill you – you’re not entirely convinced.

“Um-“ He scratches his neck, “You ready to go?”

You nod and give him a weak smile in hopes it gives him some type of reassurance.

“Whatever happened, it’s okay, Spence.”

All he does is nod in return, gathering his coat and bag. He doesn’t really register what you say, or he would’ve been very confused.

You follow him up to the roof. The elevator ride is silent and Spencer is jittery; his hands twitch and tap against his legs, he’s bouncing on his toes and he keeps looking at you through the corner of his eye. You’ve taken several deep breaths to calm your racing heart – you hate heights, and this is the closest you’ve been to Spencer in a week. This will be the longest conversation you’ve had with him in a week, too.

The second the doors open, Spencer leaps in front of you.

“Wait!”

You jump back in surprise, “What? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Completely fine. Just… when we get there, let me explain first, okay? Before you say anything.” He’s pleading, as if you’ve already told him no. You look at him with furrowed brows and mumble an ‘okay’.

You’re visibly confused as you trek up the flight of stairs to the roof. Spencer pushes open the fire door and the first thing you notice is how bright the roof is – you always assumed it’d be dark, little light, especially at night like this.

Wait.

There’s fairy lights… everywhere. You’re pretty sure this isn’t the norm for the FBI roof.

Spencer is equally as awed at what he sees before him - it’s exactly the photo he saw in Garcia’s cave brought to life, but he’s too distracted by you to fully appreciate it. You look like a child on Christmas; eyes wide, pupils blown, mouth slightly agape. You’re gorgeous.

“What…is this, Spence?” You wonder, noticing the set table, fingers grazing the roses that sit in a vase in the middle. They’re fresh and smell wonderful.

He stands a little behind you, fiddling with his hands, and clears his throat, “Would you like to take a seat?”

You do. When he finally sits, he pours you a glass of wine and you immediately take an anxious sip. Although Rossi is a big fan of wine, you rarely take interest in it only when Spencer’s involved. You’ve come to associate wine with him – a smile peeks out from your glass as you stare at the man opposite you.

“I need to get something off my chest. But there’s cookies, if you want one,” He picks one up from his plate, breaking it in half and giving it to you. He’s stalling, but you seem to take the bait and bite into it.

“Are these from the bakery two blocks away?”

“Yeah,” He replies, but he isn’t really paying attention. He doesn’t know where to begin.

You wait patiently for him to open up. You’re still unsure of what to make of all of this – the beautiful setting, the wine, the flowers, the lights. God, the lights are dazzling in the Virginia night sky. You need context, and you need it now.

“Spence-“

“Listen.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, I just…” He trails off, “I need to say what I need to say before I back out again.”

You fold your hands in your lap. You’re ready for whatever’s to come.

“Do you know how long we’ve known eachother?” He asks. His head tilts like a puppy.

“Nearly five years. Our friendaversary is coming up, you know.”

You realise, then, that this must be a celebration for that – that explains the… typically romantic setting. Before you can open your mouth to ask if that what’s this is, Spencer speaks.

“Four years, three-hundred and sixty days. That’s how long we’ve known eachother.”

“If we were dating, we would’ve been my longest relationship the second we passed a year.”

You don’t know why you said it, but it flusters him. He has to pause to take a breath and collect his thoughts.

“I’ve been in love with you for four years and three hundred and fifty-eight days, Y/N.”

It’s silent as you process and he figures out how to continue.

“I knew you were special when you were introduced to us. Hotch already had such a soft spot for you, and you had this way about you that made us all fall in love instantly. I remember Garcia did a background check the second she found out your name and she said you remind her of me and I… that freaked me out, to be honest. I thought you’d try to replace me.” He huffs a laugh, but can’t bring himself to look you in the eye, “I realised I was in love with you when you drunkenly defended me. Do you remember that?” His eyes flicker to yours for half a second – you’re wide-eyed, “You’d known me for two days at that point, but we’d already done a case together so we were celebrating. And these guys at the bar were whispering about me, acting like I couldn’t hear them, and the second you realised what was happening you stood up, stormed towards them and gave them a piece of your mind. It was incredible.

“You barely knew me, at least personally, but you thought so highly of me you scolded a group of drunk bodybuilders without a second thought. You made them apologise – it was hysterical watching someone half their size force them into submission like that – and when you were done you asked if I wanted to leave and go get ice cream. We couldn’t, cause you vomited on the way there, but I knew in that moment I loved you and I feel so hard, so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. And you never… you never indicated you thought of me as anything other than a friend so I didn’t try. Then you dated Greg who, in my opinion, sucked on his best days, and you encouraged me to date Abigail and I…”

He’s run out of breath and of things to say.

“I just love you, Y/N. I’m in love with you.” He adds, “I hope that’s okay.”

He finally looks at you, then. You’re just staring and he panics when he can’t make out what you’re feeling. He’s always been able to read you, you’ve always hated the saying that eyes are the windows to the soul because your eyes are always your tell, but now they’re… glassy.

You’re crying.

“Spencer…” You gasp, throat tight.

“It’s okay.” Spencer gives a tight-lipped smile. He knows what’s coming. He should’ve expected it. He has been expecting it.

“I love you too, Spence.”

Spencer chokes on air. He takes a gulp of wine.

You give him a teary smile in disbelief, “I’ve always loved you, Spence. I thought you knew that – I thought that big brain of yours knew exactly how I felt and… you didn’t do anything about it so I thought you didn’t feel the same. Spencer…”

He slowly moves a hand to place it palm-up on the table. Immediately you place your hand in his, your grip tight as you lovingly stare at him. This feels unreal.

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.” You half laugh, half cry, “If you’ve really loved me this long, we’ve wasted so much time! God, we’re both idiots.”

Spencer’s crying too, now, and he starts laughing with you.

You’re two idiots in love, sitting opposite eachother on the roof of your place of work in a dream-like surrounding filled with fairy lights and flowers, and you could’ve been doing this for years.

Spencer sniffles, looking at you through his wet eyelashes, “Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

“If I say yes, will I get more dates like this?” You tease.

“Well, Garcia has a whole evidence board of date ideas she stole from Pinterest. We have enough ideas to last a lifetime.” He giggles.

“Penny was in on this?!”

Spencer gives a heh, “This is all thanks to her, so yeah.”

“She’s always had our backs.”

“She’s also now going to be convinced she’s cupid.”

You laugh again, and can’t help yourself when you lean across the table, still gripping Spencer’s hand, and letting your lips fall on his. Spencer leans into you, lips moving against yours as you both try to suppress grins.

You pull back slightly, Spencer’s lips following you, and whisper, “I would love to be your girlfriend.”

He kisses you again. And again. And again, just cause he can.

Big plan, big payoff. You’re worth every little stress and more.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic #mine #garcia is watching everything through the security cameras btw #you think she'd do all this and NOT watch her hard work flourish?#think AGAIN

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