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#am i forgiven
steviesbicrisis · 1 year
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Part 1 | Part 2
[TW: internalized homophobia | compulsory heterosexuality | homophobic slurs | domestic abuse | child abuse]
Change doesn’t happen overnight. The day after his talk with Chrissy, he had woken up with a hangover and the instinct to pack his bags and run away.
He hadn’t.
He stayed home and slowly dealt with the consequences of what Chrissy had made him realize.
He would’ve never asked her to stay friends after everything but she did anyways. Eddie tried to rely on her the least possible.
Eddie wasn’t ready to talk about his issues when he reached out to Steve. He had just missed him too much and, sensing that figuring his shit out would’ve taken a long time, he didn’t want to wait as long to have Steve in his life again.
Eddie didn’t mention seeing him in the parking lot, his talk with Chrissy, or the million questions that bombarded his head daily. He had apologized sincerely, and that had been enough for Steve.
A few weeks after their fight, Eddie is hanging out with his group of friends again. His friends and Mark, the guy he had seen Steve with.
It’s awkward, to say the least, Robin needs the whole evening to warm up to him again, and by Mark’s snarky comments he’s pretty sure that the guy hates him. It’s okay since Eddie kinda hates him too.
«He's an asshole,» Jonathan tells him as soon as they have a moment alone, giving him a knowing look «but Steve likes him for some reason, so we're all enduring his presence.»
It’s not easy, being around Steve while he’s aware of his feelings, trying to overcome the idea of being disgusting and wrong, and digging into his past to find out that, like almost every issue in his life, the rotten root comes from his dad.
But time is kind to him, and after repeating to himself again and again that there’s nothing wrong with him, he starts to believe it. He relives his homophobic conversations with his father until he becomes numb to them. He watches Steve being with Mark until there’s no rage left, just sadness.
Everything fades away with time, except his feelings for Steve.
——
One day, Eddie is finally ready to come out to Steve.
It’s not planned. He had been fantasizing about that moment in the last months but never had the courage to do it. Then, as he was going home after work, he changed routes and ended up in front of Steve’s apartment building.
They’re smoking on Steve’s small balcony. It’s a cold night but Steve hates to have the smell inside.
Steve has sensed he is there to tell him something, so Eddie just cuts to the chase.
«I’m gay.»
«Oh- uhm, what? I mean that’s great! Uh- no like, cool! I’m totally cool with it, well obviously… but I’m also, confused? What about Chrissy? And you know, the other stuff that-»
«Don’t hurt your head too much, pretty boy» he says, smirking. He knows he shouldn’t call him that nor enjoy his blush when he has a boyfriend, but he can’t help it. Months of pining and repressed feelings really do some damage to your brain.
He tells him about everything (minus being in love with him, for obvious reasons): the talk with Chrissy, the realization that he had never liked any of the girls he had been with, the jealousy he had for Steve because he had seen him being so happy with something that Eddie subconsciously thought he could never have.
«And there’s my dad. You know, among the fucked up things he did, I didn’t think about this one as much as I have in the past months. I guess I was repelling it. But uh-» Eddie stops for a second. This wasn't part of the plan, he had decided to come out, give Steve the explanation he deserved months ago and just mention that his dad was an asshole. He had never told this to anyone either, not even Chrissy. The hand holding his cigarette starts to tremble.
One look at Steve is enough for him to calm down. He's staring back at him, he looks ready to change the subject if he can't talk, hold him if he falls, hug him if he cries. Eddie feels safe.
It's almost impossible, how much I love him, Eddie thinks for a second, before taking a big breath.
«One night he came home drunk and called for me. He was completely out of it, barely walking straight, but wanted to tell me about the two fairies he had found that night and beaten the shit out of. He was so proud of himself. I remember his knuckles were red and scraped and he had me locked under his arm as soon as I was close enough. He was telling me how disgusting those two fags were and how they deserved every single punch and kick. I couldn’t breathe. He was so strong and big compared to me, I was just a fucking kid. I guess I zoned out, maybe I was trying to get away- don't remember - and next thing I knew, he was pining me against the wall, his forearm on my neck. He kept asking me if I was a fag too but I could barely breathe, let alone answer his stupid fucking question. He asked again and again and again but I couldn't talk. I stayed there, barely breathing, until he was basically screaming in my face that if I ever turned out queer, he would’ve killed me.»
Only after he finishes talking he realizes how close Steve had gotten, completely pressed on his side, his arm rubbing Eddie's back, knowing how physical contact calms him down.
«His screams had woken up my uncle. He pushed my father off of me and took me away. I've been living with Wayne since then.»
Steve squeezes him as close as he can in a half-hug «Eddie I’m sorry, that piece of shit- you didn’t deserve any of it, I’m so sorry you had a shitty father like him.»
«Don’t be, please. Having a homophobic dad isn’t an excuse for being an ass. And this happened a long time ago, I shouldn’t let him have this much power over me. And yet I couldn't accept who I am because of him, or accept you.»
Steve is conflicted between getting mad at Eddie's father for everything he has put him through and hugging him impossibly tight until all his worries and bad memories are squeezed out of him. But he also knows Eddie well enough to know that, most of all, he feels bad about what happened between them. He wants to fix that first.
«I called Jonathan “queer” once, before we became friends» he admits, without looking at Eddie «I was an ass, I wanted to hurt him and I thought nothing could've been worse than calling him that. Knowing who I am now doesn't excuse how I acted but I've learned to accept it. A part of me will never forgive myself for it but I know I am better now.»
Eddie wants to protest and say that it's not the same thing, that what he did to Steve was worse since they've been best friends for a long time. But the idea of not being alone, of Steve having gone through a similar path, makes him feel a little better. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, wondering if he will ever be able to overcome the guilt and prevent the memory of his father from making him mess up his life even more.
They stay outside, Eddie still squeezed into Steve's embrace, enjoying the quiet between them.
Eddie feels uncomfortable only when he remembers that technically Steve is cuddling with him when he has a boyfriend, so he has to ask «so, how’s your boy? Honestly, I was afraid to crush one of your dates tonight.»
«I broke up with him.»
Eddie turns to look at him, finding Steve's face already in his direction, very close because of their position.
«Holy shit, really? Why?» Eddie tries not to smile but fails.
«He was kind of an ass. Constantly talking about college and he making me feel bad just because I’m not as smart as him. Guess you were wrong, nerds are not my type» he jokes.
«Oh for fuck's sake! You, not smart? he must be the dumbest idiot on this planet for thinking any less of you just because you didn't go to college. And did you hear him talk to Henderson? He could barely keep up with the kid, something you excel at. And as far as I know, that brat is smart as fuck.»
Steve smiles back at him «I know that he was talking bullshit but it's nice to hear that. Thank you.»
Maybe it's the way Steve's looking at him, maybe he doesn't want to waste the chance now that they're both single and in a better place, but Eddie dares to be hopeful.
«That asshole wasn’t a nerd, by the way. He was book-smart at best. You need an actual nerd, like Nancy, Robin or… me» Eddie's voice trembles by the end.
He watches Steve's reaction carefully.
«Oh, really?» Steve's trying to maintain some composure but there's something extremely fond in the way he's looking at Eddie. He dares to hope a little more.
«Yeah» his mouth goes dry, he coughs «a nerd who doesn't make you feel bad because you didn't go to college. Honestly, nerds who are into fantasy games are the coolest ones.»
Steve leans even closer to him «since I need someone who doesn't care about academic achievements, I should go for someone who has failed senior year, let's say... at least twice, don't you think? And the only fantasy game I tolerate is D&D, that is not negotiable. Do you think I'll be able to find someone who fits the job description?»
Their faces are only a few inches away from each other. They're both trying to keep their cool but Eddie feels so happy, so full of love for the man next to him that he can't help but chuckle a little, Steve joining him immediately after.
They kiss with a smile still on their lips, and they break the kiss because they can't stop smiling and giggling. After all the hardships they went through in the past months, they had no idea they could feel as happy and complete as they feel on that tiny balcony on a cold November night.
AN: aaand that's a wrap! I cannot thank you enough for reading and giving me feedback for this little thing. I went a little out of my comfort zone and I hope I did not disappoint anyone! Please let me know what you think. Also sorry again for the emotional damage of thinking Eddie could've actually been straight LMAO Also also, 1 like = 1 fuck you Mark | 1 reblog = 1 fuck you Eddie's dad
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Tag list: @funnymagicman-named-dandy @manda-panda-monium @hobbitharrington @lightwoodbanethings @minjintea @ilive4irony417 @sapphirecobalt-1 @kerlypride @bornonthesavage @cr0w-culture @vampireinthesun @samcoxramblings
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gay-malevolent-wizard · 10 months
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Share your wizard wisdom, I'll go first.
Never leave your explosive potions in places small children can reach.
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lurkingshan · 6 months
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Dear Boston, I still love you even if this fucking show doesn’t. You didn’t deserve what you got in this finale.
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notedchampagne · 5 months
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in harrows pov shes digging herself into a little hole and shes like look at me. scum of scum. stomp on me and put me out. and to everyone else she looks like a grown adult in a kiddie pool trying to drown
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creed-of-cats · 5 months
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Anyone ever think about how Terry is essentially a failsafe.
He is the worst case scenario. He is the embodiment of the and? At the end of both happy endings and tragedies. He would not exist as Batman if not only Bruce, but the entirety of the batfamily hadn't failed. He would not exist as Batman if Bruce didn't find the last dredge of hope inside him and dragged himself out of the pit he created.
Terry isn't in most universes as Batman because most don't need him. Most have one of the bat kids step up as Batman and the head of the company. He is irrelevant in most. But in at least one, things go wrong, and begins a chain reaction that ends with Terry's father dead on the floor, and a Gotham empty of anyone to turn to, so Terry has to do it his damn self.
While I think Terry does genuinely want to be Batman, I think something else drives his stalwart position. He grew up in a Gotham without heroes, and where the main company decided to suck the city down with it. Everytime anybody ask him to give up the cowl, they are asking for a lot more then just him not wearing the suit. Who else is there? We love Barabara but there must be enough of a conception about her police force that Terry doesn't even considering going to them out of fear of corruption. Who else is there? Nobody. And I don't think he wants to risk that again.
It must be lonely, to be an entire city's last and final chance. To be the universe's attempt at damage control.
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moeblob · 2 months
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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?
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jabesa0 · 1 year
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The Fragrance of Greed
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amazingferret · 3 months
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"Werewolf"
"Do- you know what, whatever, it's your 'health condition'"
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How the turns have tabled, or something.
It's not deep, but the werewolf thing does have some additional lore, it wasn't just a ahah Halloween drawing.
@joukaiweek 2024 Day 5: repair / transform
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skyeslittlecorner · 3 months
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Little Foras headcanon based on nothing but my silliness
After CH5, I fell in love with Hades. Especially Foras. The Kings' closest nobles act like magnets on me, what can I do. 👀 There may be light spoilers, but I won't post any screenshots in case anyone wants to read it and hasn't finished CH5 yet.
So, for me Foras is one of the youngest nobles, and this thought lives in my mind rent-free. Of course, he's an adult. But he is closer to a twenty-year-old when both Barbatos and Glasyal seem much more mature.
I recently went through the comics again to see them after what we learned about in Hades and this caught my attention.
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Poor Foras, to be pulled by the horns. You know what it means to the devil.
This is the moment Leviathan accepted Foras as his nobleman. It's obvious that Barbatos has been here for some time.
Let me remind you what we learned from the event at Avisos. Beel told Amon, when he accepted him as his noble, that some devils find their calling on their own, while others need a trigger. Amon had just come of age. This may suggest that it is younger rather than older devils who feel this calling, since such a young man was considered as somebody who need to get a trigger.
Of course, we don't know what happened earlier, but Foras doesn't look very traumatized in this comic. It's possible he found Leviathan himself.
I don't think anyone will deny the next one. He's such a fanboy.
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He resembles a teenager totally in love with his idol.
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Levi, you complained that you didn't like the undying loyalty of your nobles, so what is it, you little liar?
No explanation needed.
As I promised, there will be no screenshots here, so as not to reveal anything specific.
In CH5 we saw that Barbatos and Glasyal (especially Glasyal) can oppose Leviathan. They do it in a respectful, clever way, but they are able to suggest to him that he should consider other options, and in such a way that he will not hang them (okay, Glasyal is hanged, but tell me straight in my face that he didn't want it). Foras, on the other hand, had no hesitation. What Levi says is sacred.
And what's more, he boasts a lot that he is Leviathan's closest subject. Not like he was better than anyone. He's just happy, genuinely happy.
Another thing, his behavior towards other nobles. He complains about them all a lot. Nothing particularly bad, but he complains about little things and it reminds me of that teenage attitude "look, I'm younger and I act more mature than you". Especially when he admonished them in CH5. It was just so cute.
Plus, he's curious. Very. Too much. Foras, did you really have to taste- well, we all know what this silly man did in sub story. Yes, I know it was "to check if the white liquid was not poisonous", but come on. This sounds like a cheap excuse. He saw it being made. He is a devil. Can't he put two and two together? Please.
Additionally, his shyness and insecurities. Of course, he's as eager for sex as any devil. But although Leviathan himself envies his horns, he asks us if they are really so nice.
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Okay, at the end he was smooth as fu- Yes my princess yes I do I want gimme this beautiful horns
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Of course, as a devil from Hades, he can doubt. No one has ever said a bad word about his invisibility, but they still doubt himself.
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Shy bby i love you
Generally speaking, apart from Leviathan, we are the only people Foras comes to and he is obviously happy. In his scene when he comes to apologize to us at the very end, he is really polite. I've already compared it here to Sitri. Instead of on the lips, he kissed us on the hand. Cute. I will just add that his entire behavior towards us is charming.
Seeing all this, I feel like his attitude is a little immature, but in a good way. He wants to be serious, he tries, but sometimes enthusiasm comes out of him.
And this whole train of thoughts came to me only because I thought it would be funny if Foras was the last to appear at Levi's court and was immediately promoted to his right-hand man because of what a fanboy he is.
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panakina · 6 months
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While the titans towers incident is stupid and not even canon anymore, Jason should still get a pass just for all the shit Tim talked about him while he was dead
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itsdefinitely · 8 days
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do girl jeri and boy jerry exist explicitly to torment me
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msponies · 1 year
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unibubbles… unibbles.bmp
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laufire · 3 months
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early 00s comics be like. everyone was SO mean to stephanie for NO reason.
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waytooinvested · 1 month
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Forgotten, Not Forgiven - Chapter 1
Still reeling from finding out the truth herself, Lena suddenly finds herself in the midst of an odd role reversal in which she knows that Kara is Supergirl, but Kara no longer has any idea she has ever been more than an ordinary human.
And what’s more, Lena has no choice but to keep the truth from her for her own protection…
This and previous chapters also on AO3
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alex: Have you seen Kara?
Lena glanced at her phone and raised an eyebrow at the text lighting up her screen.
That woman had such a nerve.
She ignored the message and turned back to her computer, only to have another text ping in five minutes later.
Alex: Seriously Lena, she was due back hours ago and I haven’t heard anything. I need to know where she is.
Lena huffed irritably, but gave in.
Lena: I have no idea where she is. Kara and I are no longer friends, remember? I’m sure she’ll turn up in her own time.
Lena: We both know she can look after herself.
Alex didn’t respond again, so naturally Lena assumed that Kara had indeed turned up in her own time, and that everything had been fine after all.
That is, until she saw the headline in the news a week later:
SUPERGIRL MISSING?
She almost didn’t click the link.
Since she had found out the truth about Kara three months ago, Lena had done her best to comprehensively uproot the weed of their friendship from her life, and so far had been reasonably successful.
She had deleted Kara’s number from her phone before she had even made it back to her jet after her run in with Lex.
On the flight home she had called her assistant and asked her to make sure that Kara Danvers was escorted off the premises immediately should she show up at L-Corp, and had left a similar message with the security staff in her apartment complex.
Selling Catco had taken a little longer, but only because dealing with such a large asset could not be rushed. She might have been in pain, but Lena was a shrewd business woman and ensured that the sale was made with a hefty profit, the value of the company boosted by the revenue generation improvements she had made while in charge. She had also wanted to take her time to pick the perfect boss for Kara: someone who would inarguably make the magazine more profitable as a business than it had ever been before, while systematically and comprehensively destroying everything about it that had made Kara love her job there.
The new three year contracts with a non-compete clause thrown in had been a nice touch.
She could have taken her revenge further than that – had even planned exactly how she would do it.
The night of Kara’s Pulitzer prize. A damning speech about truth and lies, followed by Andrea Rojas leading the exposure of Supergirl’s secret identity to the world. Betrayal returned like for like, and Kara left as broken hearted as Lena had been.
Oh yes, she could have done it. Luthors were scorpions, and Lena knew how to sting.
But something had held her back from taking the final plunge that would have ripped safety and anonymity so irrevocably from Kara’s life. She wanted to believe it was her own compassion – an innate goodness that led her towards the moral high ground and made her fundamentally better than the Luthors she had so often sought to distance herself from, but it wasn’t true.
The reason she hadn’t done it was Lex.
Maybe if she had managed to pull the trigger last time they met, if she had murdered her own brother in cold blood for the sake of her traitorous false-friend, maybe then she would have done it. If Lex was dead and buried and out of her life for good, Lena could finally have stepped out of his shadow and stopped framing every decision she made against what he would have done. But Lex was still out there somewhere, laying low for now but undoubtedly still scheming, killing, making the worst decisions a human being could make while still being labelled as such, and that made a difference.
Revealing Supergirl’s identity to the world was a plan that Lex would have wanted her to carry out.
And so Lena hadn’t.
That had been enough at first, but as the weeks passed and the first fire of her rage cooled from white hot inferno to mere black smith’s forge fire, she found she was glad that she hadn’t taken the nuclear option. Kara might have deserved retribution for what she had done, but exposing her identity would put everyone she knew, including the entirety of the Catco staff and her unsuspecting apartment neighbours in serious danger from every human and alien criminal out there with a weapon and a score to settle, and Lena wanted no more innocent blood on her hands than had already been passed down to her as part of her dubious Luthor inheritance.
And she didn’t want Kara to die.
That didn’t mean she cared if Supergirl really had gone AWOL. She had had nothing to do with it, and it was none of her concern anymore...
Lena clicked the link.
According to this site, Supergirl had been observed flying off to the north of National City on an ‘unknown errand’ eight days previously and had not been seen since, leaving two major bank robberies, a fire at a children’s hospital and a collapsed ceiling at a swimming pool without support from ‘everyone’s favourite hometown hero’.
Eight days. That tallied with how long it had been since Alex had asked if she knew where Kara was, allowing for the full day that had passed before the DEO Director had made the decision to reach out to her. It struck Lena now that it was an odd thing for her to have done under normal circumstances. She might not have done anything to Alex specifically during the first fierce storm of her separation from their little group – at least not beyond a few short, sharp words and a door slammed in her face – but Alex had taken Lena’s swift and total removal of Kara from her life if anything even worse than Kara herself had, and had been round to yell at her over hurting Kara’s poor little feelings before the end of the first week.
She must have been desperate to have reached out to Lena like that after all this time.
Now she was looking for them, Lena found that there were dozens of similar stories popping up, ranging from serious think pieces about what this could mean for National City and Supergirl’s own welfare, to tabloid trash that suggested she might be having some sort of torrid three way affair with a sexually promiscuous alien couple from Saturn (why Saturn? Unclear. What was clear was that the entire story was utter garbage apart from one essential point: Supergirl was nowhere to be found).
Lena picked up her phone and tapped in Kara’s number, her chest tight with unease as she waited for the call to connect.
Of course she knew Kara’s number by heart. If she hadn’t she would never have been able to make herself delete it from her contacts.
It rang.
Maybe Kara was carrying a big stack of files and didn’t have a hand free to get her phone out of her back pocket.
And rang.
Maybe she was in the shower and didn’t want to rush out to answer the phone while wet and covered in shampoo.
And-
‘Hi this is Kara! I can’t get to the phone right now, but please leave me a message and I’ll get back-’
Maybe she was just screening Lena’s call. After everything that had happened between them it was what most people would have done, and Lena would understand that.
She hung up and redialled.
‘Hi this is Kara! I can’t-’
Kara would never have ignored a second call from Lena. No matter how angry she was, if she could pick up the phone, she would have done so by now.
Again.
‘Hi this is-’
She tried Alex instead.
This time, the phone was picked up before the end of the first ring.
‘Do you have Kara?’
A stone thudded into the pit of Lena’s stomach.
‘She really is missing then?’
‘Fuck. Yes she’s missing. You didn’t even know?’
‘Not until I saw it on the news just now. When I didn’t hear anything more from you after that last text I assumed she’d made it back safely’.
‘No, you had just answered my question and clearly didn’t want to help, so-’
‘Yes well, I thought she had just taken a detour to France for crepes or something, not that she was actually gone’.
‘Right, and you were so concerned you waited a week to check’.
‘Much as it may surprise you to learn this Alex, I don’t make a habit of keeping tabs on people who have betrayed me. So if you don’t want my help finding Supergirl I’ll just-’
‘No, Lena, wait. Look, I’m sorry okay? I’m just worried about her. If I send you the co-ordinates for her last known location do you think you could see if you can find anything? She went after this weird energy signature we’d picked up, but then her radio went dark and we couldn’t get anything else from her. We went out there to see if she was in some kind of trouble, but the place she was headed: it’s just a field. There’s nothing there, not even a trace of the energy we got before, and no sign of a struggle or any kind of indication of where she went next’.
‘Send me what you have and I’ll see what I can do’.
‘Sending it now’.
Less than a minute later Alex’s email arrived with the relevant details about Supergirl’s last known location attached, as well as everything they knew about the energy signature she had been investigating.
It wasn’t a whole lot to go on, except-
There was something vaguely familiar about the signature. It reminded her of…
Lex.
It reminded her of Lex, and the trap he had once devised to lure in a certain type of pseudo-photosynthesetic alien who fed on a very particular wavelength of light that wasn’t naturally produced by Earth’s yellow sun. Once it was absorbed the aliens could be hooked up to a generator that would produce massive amounts of electricity and could have made fossil fuels all but redundant overnight. In theory. In practise however Lex had never been able to make the conversion work, and had eventually given up on the plan.
So why was it showing up again now? And what did it have to do with Kara’s disappearance? It seemed far too much of a coincidence to imagine that the two things were unconnected, especially when Lex was the common thread.
Quickly, Lena skimmed through her options, and picked one she could adapt to this new purpose. The DEO had been scanning for days with no luck, but she had one thing they didn’t.
She knew her brother.
It took another two hours to fine tune the software and upload it to a satellite with scanning capabilities, but at last it was ready. She cast a wide net, centred on the location Alex had given her but stretching out from it to search a 30 mile radius. If it really was Lex then the place he had lured Supergirl was a decoy, and would be located well away from wherever he actually wanted her to end up.
She had to extend her search parameters twice, but at last she found it. Not the same energy signature – that would be too obvious. No, what Lena had been looking for was the special coded frequency that Lex had developed in his teens. To most people it would look like background radio noise, but Lena knew better.
It was him alright.
She reached for her phone to call Alex, then hesitated. All she had actually done was locate her brother, or at least somewhere he was broadcasting from. But the site was more than 80 miles from where Kara had last been seen, and Lena was working on a hunch rather than any kind of real evidence that Lex had taken her.
Besides, if the DEO got him they would just send him back to jail, and it had become abundantly clear that a maximum security cell was not enough to contain him.
No, Lena was going to have to do this herself. She would find Lex, and if he really had kidnapped Kara, she would finish what she had started the night he revealed the truth about Supergirl.
She was going to kill him.
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applescabs · 6 months
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Hey guys? Hey? Can we fucking help her already? Can we get that forgiven percentage up please? Pretty please?
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flamestar126 · 5 months
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him.
(click for better quality)
Minor spoilers below for those who haven't watched it yet
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Tell me this isn't how it went rn/j
Dying in the theaters when Floyd's attempt for sympathy/persuasion immediately backfired on him. I wanted his reaction to it so bad
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