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steviesbicrisis · 1 year

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Part 1 | Part 2

[TW: internalized homophobia | compulsory heterosexuality | homophobic slurs | domestic abuse | child abuse]

Change doesn’t happen overnight. The day after his talk with Chrissy, he had woken up with a hangover and the instinct to pack his bags and run away.

He hadn’t.

He stayed home and slowly dealt with the consequences of what Chrissy had made him realize.

He would’ve never asked her to stay friends after everything but she did anyways. Eddie tried to rely on her the least possible.

Eddie wasn’t ready to talk about his issues when he reached out to Steve. He had just missed him too much and, sensing that figuring his shit out would’ve taken a long time, he didn’t want to wait as long to have Steve in his life again.

Eddie didn’t mention seeing him in the parking lot, his talk with Chrissy, or the million questions that bombarded his head daily. He had apologized sincerely, and that had been enough for Steve.

A few weeks after their fight, Eddie is hanging out with his group of friends again. His friends and Mark, the guy he had seen Steve with.

It’s awkward, to say the least, Robin needs the whole evening to warm up to him again, and by Mark’s snarky comments he’s pretty sure that the guy hates him. It’s okay since Eddie kinda hates him too.

«He's an asshole,» Jonathan tells him as soon as they have a moment alone, giving him a knowing look «but Steve likes him for some reason, so we're all enduring his presence.»

It’s not easy, being around Steve while he’s aware of his feelings, trying to overcome the idea of being disgusting and wrong, and digging into his past to find out that, like almost every issue in his life, the rotten root comes from his dad.

But time is kind to him, and after repeating to himself again and again that there’s nothing wrong with him, he starts to believe it. He relives his homophobic conversations with his father until he becomes numb to them. He watches Steve being with Mark until there’s no rage left, just sadness.

Everything fades away with time, except his feelings for Steve.

——

One day, Eddie is finally ready to come out to Steve.

It’s not planned. He had been fantasizing about that moment in the last months but never had the courage to do it. Then, as he was going home after work, he changed routes and ended up in front of Steve’s apartment building.

They’re smoking on Steve’s small balcony. It’s a cold night but Steve hates to have the smell inside.

Steve has sensed he is there to tell him something, so Eddie just cuts to the chase.

«I’m gay.»

«Oh- uhm, what? I mean that’s great! Uh- no like, cool! I’m totally cool with it, well obviously… but I’m also, confused? What about Chrissy? And you know, the other stuff that-»

«Don’t hurt your head too much, pretty boy» he says, smirking. He knows he shouldn’t call him that nor enjoy his blush when he has a boyfriend, but he can’t help it. Months of pining and repressed feelings really do some damage to your brain.

He tells him about everything (minus being in love with him, for obvious reasons): the talk with Chrissy, the realization that he had never liked any of the girls he had been with, the jealousy he had for Steve because he had seen him being so happy with something that Eddie subconsciously thought he could never have.

«And there’s my dad. You know, among the fucked up things he did, I didn’t think about this one as much as I have in the past months. I guess I was repelling it. But uh-» Eddie stops for a second. This wasn't part of the plan, he had decided to come out, give Steve the explanation he deserved months ago and just mention that his dad was an asshole. He had never told this to anyone either, not even Chrissy. The hand holding his cigarette starts to tremble.

One look at Steve is enough for him to calm down. He's staring back at him, he looks ready to change the subject if he can't talk, hold him if he falls, hug him if he cries. Eddie feels safe.

It's almost impossible, how much I love him, Eddie thinks for a second, before taking a big breath.

«One night he came home drunk and called for me. He was completely out of it, barely walking straight, but wanted to tell me about the two fairies he had found that night and beaten the shit out of. He was so proud of himself. I remember his knuckles were red and scraped and he had me locked under his arm as soon as I was close enough. He was telling me how disgusting those two fags were and how they deserved every single punch and kick. I couldn’t breathe. He was so strong and big compared to me, I was just a fucking kid. I guess I zoned out, maybe I was trying to get away- don't remember - and next thing I knew, he was pining me against the wall, his forearm on my neck. He kept asking me if I was a fag too but I could barely breathe, let alone answer his stupid fucking question. He asked again and again and again but I couldn't talk. I stayed there, barely breathing, until he was basically screaming in my face that if I ever turned out queer, he would’ve killed me.»

Only after he finishes talking he realizes how close Steve had gotten, completely pressed on his side, his arm rubbing Eddie's back, knowing how physical contact calms him down.

«His screams had woken up my uncle. He pushed my father off of me and took me away. I've been living with Wayne since then.»

Steve squeezes him as close as he can in a half-hug «Eddie I’m sorry, that piece of shit- you didn’t deserve any of it, I’m so sorry you had a shitty father like him.»

«Don’t be, please. Having a homophobic dad isn’t an excuse for being an ass. And this happened a long time ago, I shouldn’t let him have this much power over me. And yet I couldn't accept who I am because of him, or accept you.»

Steve is conflicted between getting mad at Eddie's father for everything he has put him through and hugging him impossibly tight until all his worries and bad memories are squeezed out of him. But he also knows Eddie well enough to know that, most of all, he feels bad about what happened between them. He wants to fix that first.

«I called Jonathan “queer” once, before we became friends» he admits, without looking at Eddie «I was an ass, I wanted to hurt him and I thought nothing could've been worse than calling him that. Knowing who I am now doesn't excuse how I acted but I've learned to accept it. A part of me will never forgive myself for it but I know I am better now.»

Eddie wants to protest and say that it's not the same thing, that what he did to Steve was worse since they've been best friends for a long time. But the idea of not being alone, of Steve having gone through a similar path, makes him feel a little better. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, wondering if he will ever be able to overcome the guilt and prevent the memory of his father from making him mess up his life even more.

They stay outside, Eddie still squeezed into Steve's embrace, enjoying the quiet between them.

Eddie feels uncomfortable only when he remembers that technically Steve is cuddling with him when he has a boyfriend, so he has to ask «so, how’s your boy? Honestly, I was afraid to crush one of your dates tonight.»

«I broke up with him.»

Eddie turns to look at him, finding Steve's face already in his direction, very close because of their position.

«Holy shit, really? Why?» Eddie tries not to smile but fails.

«He was kind of an ass. Constantly talking about college and he making me feel bad just because I’m not as smart as him. Guess you were wrong, nerds are not my type» he jokes.

«Oh for fuck's sake! You, not smart? he must be the dumbest idiot on this planet for thinking any less of you just because you didn't go to college. And did you hear him talk to Henderson? He could barely keep up with the kid, something you excel at. And as far as I know, that brat is smart as fuck.»

Steve smiles back at him «I know that he was talking bullshit but it's nice to hear that. Thank you.»

Maybe it's the way Steve's looking at him, maybe he doesn't want to waste the chance now that they're both single and in a better place, but Eddie dares to be hopeful.

«That asshole wasn’t a nerd, by the way. He was book-smart at best. You need an actual nerd, like Nancy, Robin or… me» Eddie's voice trembles by the end.

He watches Steve's reaction carefully.

«Oh, really?» Steve's trying to maintain some composure but there's something extremely fond in the way he's looking at Eddie. He dares to hope a little more.

«Yeah» his mouth goes dry, he coughs «a nerd who doesn't make you feel bad because you didn't go to college. Honestly, nerds who are into fantasy games are the coolest ones.»

Steve leans even closer to him «since I need someone who doesn't care about academic achievements, I should go for someone who has failed senior year, let's say... at least twice, don't you think? And the only fantasy game I tolerate is D&D, that is not negotiable. Do you think I'll be able to find someone who fits the job description?»

Their faces are only a few inches away from each other. They're both trying to keep their cool but Eddie feels so happy, so full of love for the man next to him that he can't help but chuckle a little, Steve joining him immediately after.

They kiss with a smile still on their lips, and they break the kiss because they can't stop smiling and giggling. After all the hardships they went through in the past months, they had no idea they could feel as happy and complete as they feel on that tiny balcony on a cold November night.

AN: aaand that's a wrap! I cannot thank you enough for reading and giving me feedback for this little thing. I went a little out of my comfort zone and I hope I did not disappoint anyone! Please let me know what you think. Also sorry again for the emotional damage of thinking Eddie could've actually been straight LMAO Also also, 1 like = 1 fuck you Mark | 1 reblog = 1 fuck you Eddie's dad

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Tag list: @funnymagicman-named-dandy @manda-panda-monium @hobbitharrington @lightwoodbanethings @minjintea @ilive4irony417 @sapphirecobalt-1 @kerlypride @bornonthesavage @cr0w-culture @vampireinthesun @samcoxramblings

#i told you he wasn't straight #am i forgiven #it got better at the end #i told you!!#steddie #steve harrington #bi steve harrington #gay eddie munson #steve and eddie #eddie munson #stranger things #steve x eddie #platonic stobin #steddie ficlet #internalized homophobia #compulsory heterosexuality #sbc writes #ficlets

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3456boidone · 10 months

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I told you...

You weren't safe... @oh-gh0st

#osomatsu san #mister osomatsu #mr. osomatsu #jyushimatsu matsuno #other people's self insert #jyushimatsu x self insert #I TOLD YOU!!#THE REST OF YOU AREN'T EITHER!!#I'M COMING FOR YOU NEXT PEKO!!#BE AFRAID

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butchfalin · 5 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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justalittlebluetiefling · 22 days

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#i don't believe that people for serious reasons sort their books any way but by author #and then obviously by release date/series within that #i am being told that i am being JUDGY #also if you sort your books any other way HOW DO YOU FIND THEM #i really need to know #polls #can't believe i forgot to include genre in here

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lesbianralzarek · 3 months

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"life doesnt get better, you just get stronger" does NOT include ages 11-17. life does in fact just get better from there. those years are dogshit. like, you do get stronger but its mostly just a factor of not being 11-17 anymore. positive thinking helps but it doesnt fix whatevers going on at 15, you have to brute force through that one raw

#i originally posted this as just a 'hey remember how fuckin bad middle/highschool was? shit was wild' type post but now #there are a bunch of teens in the notes being like 'oh my god are you serious? it gets better? im not stuck in hell forever??'#and im reminded that the only people who told teenage ella 'it gets better' were speakers at mental health assemblies #aka the least relatable people alive who were seemingly born to lie to you #so. uh. yeah im a certified adult who isnt here to lie or sugarcoat the realities of being a teenager #the only thing more certain than the pain is the transcience

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endusviolence · 2 months

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Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

#transgender #trans history #transsexual #transphobia #Magnus Hirschfeld #holocaust #holocaust denial #book burning #j.k. rowling #jk rowling #just in case you missed what i mean by all this: go fuck yourself anon :)#trans people have always existed #and we will always exist #if you really wanna pick a fight with me over well-documented history then you better bring in some sources to back your shit #queer history #queer #lgbt+#lgbta+#lgbt #lgbt history #edit: i finally got around to those damn image IDs. i am so very sorry for totally forgetting that's my bimbo moment of the month #also real quick i thought about adding an image of the actual building but the only one i can find has a Nazi parade in front of it #it was taken the day of the book burning raid and honestly if i were to include it then i'd add it to the first few paragraphs #and i think the story's better told when you uphold the hope Magnus Hirschfeld and all the researchers he worked with had #also keeps being brought up: yes Hirschfeld was a eugenicist. it was a popular belief set that was only discredited after WW2 #Hirschfeld died in 1935. he literally didn't live long enough to see science turn against those beliefs and practices #considering how he changed his mind on transitions i like to think he would've changed his mind on eugenics too if he'd lived

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mo-mode · 4 months

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AU where Mr. D claiming to be Percy’s dad accidentally counts as Claiming according to Greek god law or whatever and now all the other gods legitimacy believe Percy is his son, but if Mr. D corrects it, he has to explain to Zeus why he pretended he was Percy’s dad so now he’s like “YEP ol’ Perry Johansson is MY child wowie just look at the little fry, you have your mother’s eyes. Please stop standing next to water or you will blow my cover”

Meanwhile Poseidon is just standing off to the side like “how on earth did I dodge THAT bullet”

#EVEN BETTER if Mr D tries to keep his cover by actually treating him like a son #Clarisse doesn’t mess with him cuz after the toilet fiasco Mr D is like “I will feed you to my cult young lady!! good job Peter :)#Percy is like “hey dad why can I control water “and Mr D is like …ever heard of that guy that turned it to wine??#Mr D: PLEASE just help me I can’t keep it a secret for much longer Mr. Brunner: you told him his brother was JESUS???#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson the lightning thief #dionysus #Mr D

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guardianspirits13 · 9 months

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i thought of this at 3am and its canon now

#atsv #across the spiderverse #hobie brown #gwen stacy #miles morales #spiderman across the spiderverse #spiderman #spider punk #spiders georg #meme #comic #fanart #fan art #fan comic #jess’s art #i told you guys you’d love it lol

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raggedytiger · 2 months

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this is so bad but i permanently cropped the file so brutally that i can no longer edit it. whoops! also panels 4-7 were fully coloured but it looks better without for some reason. pomni (penny?) is such an ugly crier. i love my horrible failgirl accountant

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basshole-astard · 9 months

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PSA: i keep seeing posts about staying cool in extreme heat that include advice like "gatorade is bad actually!" and "don't drink fruit juice it'll just dehydrate you!" and neither of these are true!

regarding fruit juice: there's apparently a misconception that Any Sugar At All will dehydrate you, and that's simply not true. yes, sugar will make you pee more when consumed in large amounts, but 1) the natural sugar in fruits won't do this to you 2) great news! a lot of fruit juices exist without any added sugar in them! 3) honestly even having a glass of the fruit juice with added sugar won't completely dehydrate you as long as you're also drinking water throughout the day. if its hot you deserve a cold treat of a drink!!! can't go wrong with fruit juice!!!

regarding gatorade: maybe this isn't an every day drink, but guess what: if it's 110F/40C or hotter outside, and you don't have AC, or you're moving around a lot outside of the AC, and you're sweating buckets: that's when you drink a gatorade.

gatorade exists to replenish all the electrolytes (salt) and glucose (sugar) that you sweat out. YES it is meant for athletes to drink during intensive work outs and not necessarily for people who aren't doing that kind of exercise. BUT GUESS WHAT! when you're sweating buckets because you had to walk to the bus in extreme heat, that's intensive exercise. please feel free to drink a gatorade after that! that's its intended use case!!!!

no: neither of these drinks should be a total replacement for water. but drinking a lot of water and then treating yourself to a fruit juice with lunch is a good idea!!! drinking a gatorade becuase you just had to walk for 20 minutes in the heat is a good idea!!!

Please Stop Spreading Misinformation About Drinks!!! It's fine if you drink things that aren't water!!!! Yes you should probably always be drinking water but drinking something else As Well isn't going to hurt you!!!! okay!!!! its fine!!!!!!

honestly so long as you are consistently getting Any (non-alcoholic) fluids in you, you're doing great!!!!!! okay!!!! i love you stay safe <3

#also: drinking A Soda or A Coffee isn't going to completely dehydrate you if you're drinking other fluids tbqh!!!#its fine!!!!! its fine!!!!!#drinks #heat #dehydration #this post exists because i'm mad at misinfo but also #this is for my homies who hate the taste of water and struggle to stay hydrated #because people have told them over and over again You Must Absolute Drink Water And Nothing Else and so they just don't drink anything #listen!! hey!!! whoever told you that was lying!!!!#drinking Any Fluids At All (yes even with caffeine!!) is better than Not Drinking Anything #please hydrate!!!! it's okay if that hydration isn't water!!!!#honestly i tried to be extremely non confrontational in this post but im pretty sure i've seen people suggest flavored water packets #but say no fruit juice ever. and that's insane.#it's all fluids baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#so long as you are drinking fluids you are combatting dehydration #YES water is the best option HOWEVER. if you drink things that aren't water that's also okay! i promise!!!!!!!!

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anonymousdandelion · 8 months

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A general tip for students who are sending those dreaded Religious Absence Emails to your professors: Rather than asking permission to take the day(s) off, politely let them know that you will be taking the day(s) off.

In other words, consider not saying this:

"May I miss class on [date] so I can observe [holiday]?"

It's not that there's anything wrong with the above, per se. But because it's phrased as a request, it risks coming across as optional — a favor you hope to be granted. Problem is, favors are not owed, and so unfortunately asking permission opens the door for the professor to respond "Thanks for asking. No, you may not. :)"

Instead, try something along the lines of:

"I will need to miss class on [date] because I will be observing [holiday]. I wanted to let you know of this conflict now, and to ask your assistance in making arrangements for making up whatever material I may miss as a result of this absence."

This is pretty formal language (naturally, you can and should tweak it to sound more like your voice). But the important piece is that, while still being respectful, it shifts the focus of the discussion so that the question becomes not "Is it okay for me to observe my religion?", but rather, "How can we best accommodate my observance?"

Because the first question should not be up for debate: freedom of religion is a right, not a favor. And the second question is the subject you need to discuss.

(Ideally, do this after you've looked up your school's policy on religious absences, so you know what you're working within and that religious discrimination is illegal. Just in case your professor forgot.)

#this strategy got me through all of college #and some professors were a lot more supportive than others but no one ever told me no #because i didn't give them the chance #jumblr #judaism #religious absences #relevant to other minority religions as well #as well as non-religious accommodations #and non-school settings #dandelion says #jewish dandelion #note: the policy/legality details will vary depending on where you live and go to school #when i talk about religious discrimination laws this is based on public universities in the us

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