Tumgik
#always asking for permission to forgive myself or to hate myself
seafoam-taide · 2 years
Text
i hve this like. giant THING. that i want. so badly. and i think it’s actuually a horrible thing to want. like. it’s not something you should want. i think. i think i’m kind of horrible for wanting it. and i wish i could talk to literally anyone and get a second opinion any opinion just any opinion so i can at least know if it really is bad or not. but if it is bad then whoever i talk to would hate me i think. and maybe i would deserve it. but see i would have to ask someone who is familiar with the thing and therefore has some sort of authority on it. but most people i know who would be an authority on it are people i like a lot and want to be friends with. and i don’t want to ruin that by admitting this horrible evil fucking thing. but i /need/ answers. but i can’t ask for them. i can’t ever ask for them. and instead i hide with this huge horrible fucked up secret evil thing in my head and i’m just stuck here. and of course now that i’m not admitting to it i’m tricking these people who think i am nice. or good. when i’m secretly so horribly not. fuck
4 notes · View notes
vampsquerade · 1 year
Note
CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE US HARD DOM KÖNIG WITH A FEMALE READER i just need that big hunk of man meat to dominate me- dies
DOM KÖNIG YES I LIVE FOR DOM KÖNIG SO FUCKING MUCH UGHHHH I WANT HIM TO CRUSH MY HEAD WITH HIS THIGHS AND BICEPS UGHHHAVBAHSHSH THANKS ANON I KINDA WENT WILD WITH IT
(also pls forgive there might be some annoying mistranslations istg i’m learning german i promise also sorry for not answering dms and stuff you’re gonna have to give me a minute cause i’m very prone to anxiety after being off my meds for a bit)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
König x Female!Reader: Royalty’s Cruelty
Trigger Warnings: NSFW, smut, rough sex, dom!könig, sub!reader, spanking, bondage, fingering, orgasm denial, degradation, asphyxiation, aftercare
Tumblr media
Wanton and loud cries of pleasure for your beloved military boyfriend fell from your lips each and every time his large, callous hands came into contact with the skin of your ass. “I thought I warned you about what would happen if you teased me while I was on a mission—you know damn well you deserve this kind of punishment.” König scolds venomously, pure malice and sadism dripping as he speaks. “I-I’m sorry!” you cry out as his hand smacks loudly against your skin once more. “Halt deine Hurenmaul! I don’t want to hear you telling me you’re sorry!” He commands. Tears stream down your face pathetically, whimpering in pain as he stops momentarily. “The very knee you’re bent over is the same one I use to kill my enemies—do you want to hear just how exactly it is that I do it?” he says coldly.
“H-Hah…~ What do you do to them with this knee..?” you ask softly, not wanting to further incur his wrath. König’s hand then tightly grips at your flesh with the strength of a hawk’s talons, making your severely sore ass sting even more. A sob emits from you, turning your head slightly so you can look up at him, “I snap their spines and necks on here…I even go so far as to cave their heads in…” He says in a chilling tone, chuckling darkly. His eyes are shrouded with the mists of sadism, relishing in the sight of you pathetically bent over his knee. “Now tell me—just because you’re my cute little liebling, do you think I should offer any semblance of mercy to you? Do you think you really deserve it even after I warned you?”
You hesitate on what to say, swallowing your saliva hard. Your mind is racing as you try and get a hold of yourself as you hear just how evil König’s voice sounded. “Don’t make me impatient, liebling. Your punishment is just starting and you know how much I hate wasting my time.” König warns. Body tensing in anticipation, you just nod, “N-No…not even I deserve your mercy…I willingly put myself into this position…” You whimper softly, yelping loudly once he begins to fondle your flesh. “Good girl—not even my liebling deserves my mercy…” König says. His hand then travels off your ass and to your dripping cunt, gently stroking his hand from your clit down to your core that twitches with each and every movement.
“Mmpf..!~ König…~” you moan softly, not even able to hold yourself back. “I don’t think I gave you permission to speak. Not a single sound is to fall from those whorish lips of yours—you don’t want it to get worse.” König seethes. He then fully pulls your panties down and discards them somewhere across the floor, his gloved fingers then letting go of your ass and continuing to tease your dripping cunt. You bite your lip and smack your hand over your mouth, letting his large gloved fingers continue its work against your clit. “Unless that’s exactly what you want…” König whispers. You can hear the sickeningly malicious chill in his voice before he speaks again, “Want me to show you just how ruthless and unrelenting I can be? Does that thought excite you?”
You hesitate, unsure if you’ve been given permission to speak, so you nod your head sheepishly. Behind his sniper’s hood, you can just see how excited he is about this. You could see the sadistic smile he always gives whenever you misbehave; it’s a pleasantly frightening sight when you get the chance to see it. You practically drip more at the imagination you have, biting your lip harder as you stare up at him. “You do? Mein Gott, you really are a degenerate…to think I'd never imagine seeing someone as sweet and as caring as you to be into this kind of thing…” König breathes, degrading you. His hand then stops what it’s doing, as he brings his fingers up to inspect them. His eyes seemingly squint even more out of pure delight as his sadistic smile only widens.
“But yet here you are—bent over my knee and getting wet at the thought of me absolutely ravaging you…proving me wrong to think you would never be so depraved…” He chuckles, licking his gloves clean, “Such a naughty, naughty girl…” König then pulls his glove off with his sharp teeth after bringing it under his hood. He then spits it out of his mouth, and puts his hand back in between your legs. Now feeling his warm hand right up against you instead of the gloves, it makes you shiver at the sensation of skin touching skin. You try to moan as his middle finger strokes up and down your even wetter cunt, eyes screwing shut to focus on keeping yourself quiet as his finger drags itself up and down. “So wet…You have no idea just how addictive it is to watch you squirm and try to keep yourself quiet.” König purrs.
His middle finger soon dips inside of you and you can’t help but clench around him. Your eyes open wide at the feeling and it just gets harder for you to keep quiet. Agonizingly slow, König begins to pull his finger out before pushing it back into you with enough force to drive you crazy already. Your bottom lip was bleeding from how hard you were biting it, keeping yourself as quiet for as long as you can. You huffed out a puff of air with every other breath each time he teased you, pushing his fingers in a little faster with little effort before slowing back down. The limit was getting closer and closer every single time but right when you were going to reach it you were forcefully pulled away in an aggressive manner. And not even realizing, you had let out a loud whine from your bitten lips behind your mouth.
König stops his fingers after having just added a second one inside of you. The air becomes so thick it’s hard to breathe; either because of that, or because his other hand was gripped tightly around your throat. “Ich habe dich verdammt noch mal gewarnt – jetzt wirst du unter den Konsequenzen leiden, du dreckiger Degenerierter.” König seethes in a tone you had never heard before. Suddenly, you were lifted up by his right hand’s vice grip around your throat before he lightly let you go once you were safely over the mattress. “You had better appreciate me not downright slamming you onto the bed. That’s going to be the only time I’m nice to you tonight—I’ll fuck you until the only thing that’s on your mind is your broken obedience.” König seethes.
The towering man then climbs over you and rips off your bra before pulling you up by the nape of your neck. “Do you really want this? Once we do this,” his striking blue eyes hold bolts of lightning within them as he stares you in the eyes, “you can’t go back ever again,” König warns you. Though it doesn’t sound like it, he seems to be offering one last chance to save yourself from the wrath that’s coming. More intrigued at just what is in store, you decide to just open up Pandora’s Box. “I do…” you mumble. König then lets go of your neck and pushes you back down on the mattress. Sitting atop your abdomen, he unbuckles his belt and removes it from the loops in one swift motion.
He’s quiet and focused, gripping both your wrists tight before putting them between the bars of the headboard. König then tightly wraps his belt around them, “No escape for you, little rabbit—you’re all helpless and exposed for the big hunter. Aren’t you excited?” he asks. Feeling a sense of genuine fear, you can’t help but whimper softly. “Oh, don’t be so scared all of a sudden,” König chuckles, getting off of you to undo the button to his pants as well as his zipper, “you asked for this.” He then lifts your legs up and closes them, pushing them up to your chest. “As much as I’d love to fuck those cute thighs, I’ll settle for what you’ve got right,” König says as he pushes in already, making you cry out for him, “here.” he growls as he forces himself inside you.
You expected it to hurt because of how big he is except this time around, the pain makes you moan loudly. “A-Ah!~” you cry out. “You filthy degenerate…just listen to how loud you’re moaning for me already. Do it some more—let me hear you scream for me.” König demands. His large hands grip your calf and thigh on each of your legs tightly as he pulls himself out just so he’s barely inside of you. He doesn’t even look at you when you stare at him with wide eyes and shaking your head no; he’s purely driven by the desire to show you just how ruthless he can be with you if you misbehave. König disregards your silent pleads before pushing back in. “Mmpf!~” You moan, biting your bottom lip hard for a moment before opening your mouth again.
Each harsh thrust from him gets you a loud groan and growl, as he feels you convulse and quiver beneath him. Your eyes roll back slightly as the pain now completely subsides as the way he thrusts his massive cock in and out of you over and over again. “Tell me…how does it feel, little rabbit?” König asks. You try to look at him, but once the tip of his cock starts hitting your cervix you can’t even respond. He then strikes your thigh hard, forcing you to pay attention, “I thought I fucking asked you a question. “How does it feel, little rabbit?’” he seethes. You cry out, eyes rolling back down to look at him, “Feels so good!~ God—König!~ I already feel so close..~” you moan loudly. “Oh do you now?” König asks before laughing maniacally. His thrusts are no longer as fast as they were, much slower and more forceful.
He built you up so high and forced you back down, making you whimper and whine. “I’m not done with you quite yet. Hold it the fuck in.” König says. You whimper and whine even more now, and König appears to be getting annoyed by it. He then leans forward and as punishment, decides to only lightly grind himself against you before then wrapping a tight hand around your throat. You strain to breathe now, his crushing grip once directed to your legs has now focused on your throat. “Moan like this—I want to watch you writhe and squirm before you lose consciousness.” König says as he continues to grind into you. Even like this he manages to be forceful, his tip still rubbing right up against your cervix. This alongside the vice grip he had on your throat, it was just driving you further into the stars, moaning louder and louder despite rapidly losing consciousness.
Your eyes start to flutter shut as a dark vignette begins to surround the corners of your vision. Before you could pass out, König’s hand comes up and shakes you to make you come back. “Keep your eyes open. Breathe for now before I crush your trachea again.” he threatens. You nod, regaining your breath as best you could before he started again. “Güt?” He asks, his hand creeping up to grip your throat against. “Y-Yes…” you mumble softly. “Louder.” he says as he slowly begins to apply pressure. “Yes!” you exclaim much louder. “You’re very obedient—maybe I should let you see my face, ja? Or do you prefer the sniper’s hood while I’m deep inside you, pounding away at you like you mean absolutely nothing to me?” König asks as he starts choking you again.
“K-Keep it on…” You strain as his hand crushes your trachea. “Filthy whore…” König growls as he starts thrusting into you harder and faster than he was before. You wail and cry out on pleasure, being able to slightly breathe a little better as you do since he wasn’t choking you too hard. That previous build up to an orgasm was coming dangerously close, as you stared pathetically into König’s sharp blue eyes pierced into your own. Behind the sniper’s hood, his jaw was clenched tight as he growled deep within his chest and throat. His breathing was heavy, focused on just finally pushing you over the edge. “Want to cum, little rabbit?” He asks, unrelenting with his thrusts. It seems König was already at the edge himself, and wanted to finally get over it with you.
“Y-Yes! Please…please let me cum, König! I-I promise I won’t misbehave or be disobedient ever again!” you moan loudly as König’s grip on your throat becomes tight once again. “Then cum…cum for me…” König growls softly. As if right at his command, you scream his name so loud that it manages to catch him by surprise. His hips stutter as you start to cling to him tightly and he spills himself deep inside with a soft moan of your name. The two of you stay like this, catching your breath as your bodies seemingly melt into each other now. “Fuck…are you okay..? Did I hurt you too badly? I’m so sorry if I went overboard today…” König apologizes, breaking the silence. Seeing his demeanor change completely like this, it just filled your heart with a warmth you’d always held for him.
“I’m pretty sure I’ll be really sore tomorrow…” you say softly, laughing breathlessly. König’s hands begin to gently caress your legs as he pressed gentle kisses against your calves. He pulls himself out of you slowly, sighing contentedly once he watches a bit of his semen drip out of you. “You did really good today…I’m so proud of you for holding it together…I’m still really sorry if it hurt…do you need water? A massage? I’ll give you anything to make sure the slaps and spanks I gave you earlier…would ice also help?” König suggests, praising you for how well you did. “Maybe a nice shower with my big boyfriend would be much more helpful…I feel so sticky.” you day, laughing softly. “And don’t be worried about hurting me too hard—if it was too much for me, I would’ve used our safe word. You did fine, alright? Don’t feel guilty about it. I love you, and I trust you, König.” You reassure, giving him a pleasant smile.
König nods before then removing his sniper’s hood, tossing it somewhere in your shared room. He puts your legs down to properly kiss you, his hand that once held a crushing grip on your neck now gently and lovingly strokes your cheek. You kiss him back, smiling softly as you bring your own hand up to caress his as he gently holds onto your face. After a bit, he pulls away and peppers your jaw, face, and neck in little kisses. “Ich liebe dich, kleines Kaninchen…” he whispers softly against the crook of your neck. “I love you too…now let’s go take a shower. We can come back and cuddle for as long as we need to,” you say, tilting your head downwards to kiss the top of his head. “O-Okay…I’ll carry you and make sure to hold you up, I don’t want to risk you falling over and getting hurt.” König says, giving you a soft smile.
645 notes · View notes
hyun0o · 4 months
Text
The Train Ride To Our Paradise
Yu Jimin x Fem!Reader [Fluff]
Enjoy(°=°)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
°=°
The heavenly sky glowing, sharing it's warm air and atmosphere to the world. Clouds moving like sloths and forming shapes that anyone can imagine it to be. The roses blooming with perky thorns, not wanting their beauty to get disturbed.
Warm and welcoming air breezing though the trains open window. What type of person would even open a trains window? Well, Yu Jimin is the exact type of person to do that. But of course, asked me first, her one and only loving girl friend for permission.
"Y/n?" The dino obsessed girl called out to me, I was sitting in front of her. Her hand on the window handle making it clear on what she wanted to do. I teasingly sighed while shaking my head.
"Only for a few minutes alright?" I said with a soft voice. I know that my lover is very intrigued by this type of public transport. It's not a normal train like you use in the cities, but a train in the green forest and plains with many views of waterfalls and jaw dropping mountains. I could even say that this train was one of her dream ride. Well, our dream ride. Whatever Jimin loved, I loved it as well, wether it was too silly or what.
But there was one thing that we both always loved. And that is;
Lauterbrunnen, Switzerland. To see the beautiful architecture home styles, the devine well kept nature that looks too good to be real and of course, the wonderful cows. Today is our 3rd year anniversary, and so what do you do when it's conveniently yours and your lovers break from work? You go to the place where your dreams resonate with each other since day 1. At least that's what I thought. As I was spacing out, I suddenly realized that jimin was almost sticking her head out of the window like a dog in a car. I immediately called to her and quickly shut the window in panic.
"Bub, come on." I said disappointedly, she could have gotten hurt, and I hate that thought in the whole entire world. She laughed lowly and reasoned that she just wanted to get my reaction. Still not breaking my sad face, she realized that I was serious and quickly apologized. Her soft small hands reaching for mine.
"I-im sorry love, did I go too far?" She asked, regret evident in her voice, face, and actions. Almost fully forgetting her wrong, I tilted my head a little and squeezed her hand tight.
"I know always sound like a worry warts but please, Jimin. Don't put yourself in danger just to tease me" I reminded her with furrowed eyebrows, the sound of the rail road tracks eating up half of the silence. She bit her lip while looking around everywhere but my direction. Feeling a bit disappointed at her reaction, I tried to pull away from her hand but then she suddenly clung to it with a firm grip. Gently pulling my my hand just to kiss it and put the back of it on her soft and warm cheek. Finally looking at me with those beautiful sharp eyes filled with determination that made me fall for her in the first place.
"You're not a worry warts honey. Your reaction was valid, I'm really really sorry... You're right, I shouldn't have let stupid jokes take over right decisions for the both of us. Thank you for telling me and always worrying for me hun." She apologized sincerely and kissed my hand once again. God, you always know how to make me fall head over hells for you Jimin. With those sweet words, sharp tone, determined expression, and affectionate actions. You're a pro at making me forgive you.
"Just never do it again please?" I pleaded with her. Jimin then cupped my cheek with her free hand and leaned closer to me. Inches away from kissing, noses simply brushing against each other, exhange of warm breaths touching our face.
"I can't make you sad twice" She whispered with the look of the most sincere person on earth, god.
"I love you Yu Jimin." Jimins eye twinkled with stars as I accidentally blurted out, a little surprised myself, I started to blush. And without any warning jimin kissed me, startled and a little worried that someone would walk in the isle, I couldn't relax to the kiss. Jimin hummed and felt my tensed body.
"Calm down baby I'm sure no one will come, and even so we'll probably hear them." My lover reassured, caressing my hand with her thumb. With trust, I nod and intertwined my fingers with hers. She smiled at me lovingly, I kissed once again. But this time, both of us enjoyed it with calm and peaceful bliss; Jimin slightly opening her mouth licking my bottom lip asking for entrance. I happily allowed her, her familiar warmth explored through my mouth and battled with my tongue for dominance. She won as I started to ran out breath, whining a little bit signaling my lover to part to breathe.
Separating, a string of saliva formed connected between my lips and Jimins. I blushed as she smirked at me with flirtatious eyes, I already know what she's thinking about without her even saying anything,
"Stop it you flirt" I whispered, still inches away from her breathing heavily from the passionate kiss we shared. She jokingly rolled her eyes and soon giggled, seeing me so up close, studying your features for the thousandth time we've been together.
”Are you falling in love with me again?" I teased, tilting my head a little with a playful grin. My lovers face immediately softened, smiling foolishly at me.
"I always fall in love with you. Everyday to be exact." Jimin said as she kissed my nose, she giggled at my flustered reaction. I hummed and pouted since I was the one who got flustered instead of my Jimin. We leaned back a little and made eye contact again, a few seconds passed not feeling awkward or shy; we both giggled at each others weirdness.
As the both of us started a new conversation, our smooth train seems to be leaving the forest and traveling to the plains with only some tress can be seen in the distance. Letting us get exposed to have an amazing view at the mountains and lovely waterfalls streaming down the ledges with elegance. The greens looking surreal with the stunning homes having an adorable architecture style. I got excited at the view, hoping to see some cute cows in the plains. Eyes stick to the window, i didn't even realize that jimin sat next to me.
"Enjoying hun?" She asked lovingly while she rubbed my back. 8 turned to her with stars in my eyes and a big grin.
"Are you excited baby? Our dream is finally coming true!" I exclaimed, Jimin chuckled at my enthusiasm nodding. She rested her forehead to mine and closed her eyes with a sigh.
"My dream cam true 3 years ago, and I'm forever thankful for that my Y/n" She confessed and looked at me with her gorgeous eyes filled with happiness and satisfaction. I can't help but feel warmth in my cheeks, my lover is too honest, but that's what I love about her the most.
"So cheesy" I jokingly whispered, another grin forming, pulling in closer to her, I peck her lips and rested my head on her shoulder. "I love you Yu Jimin" I said with fondness closing my heavy eye lids and letting my body relax with my soulmate. I can sense Jimins smile ear to ear, both of us feeling content at the feeling of bliss. No matter where you two were, it always felt like home
"I love you more Y/n"
This took awhile, I made it last night trying not to fall asleep lol. I hope you guys liked it, I'm about to post some smut and some angst soon so stay tuned (°=–).
Also side note, Jimin looks so cute in the pics, she's too precious.
126 notes · View notes
nekoannie-chan · 1 month
Text
What did I forget?
Tumblr media
Pairing: Brock Rumlow X Reader
Word count: 483 words.
Rating: Teen.
Summary: Does Brock forgot a special date?
Major Tags: Doubts.
Additional tags: This is my gift to @saiyanprincessswanie. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE!
You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too.
My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.
I don’t give any kind of permission for my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.
Add yourself to my taglist here.
My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 
If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.
Tags: @sinceimetyou @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @harrysthiccthighss @marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club  @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammit @kmc1989 @somegirlfromasgard @rogersbarber
Tumblr media
Brock stretched lazily, then looked for you with his hand, turned around when he didn't find you, and then looked at the time. It was still early; why were you up?
He remembered that the night before, he seemed to have noticed you upset about something, although you didn't say anything. Maybe there was the slightest possibility that he had forgotten an important date.
He was sure it hadn't been your anniversary, nor had it been an outing. At that moment, he wanted to hit himself with your birthday. He checked the calendar, and of course, it had been the day before. How could he be such an idiot to have forgotten the date?
He had to plan something immediately, something worthwhile and laborious; maybe that way he could make up for not having remembered by using the excuse that not everything had been ready on time.
He remembered the teepee they had bought for who knows what; they had birthday decorations in a box. He just had to go to the shop and buy a cake, a present, and some food, and he could improvise a sort of camping evening without the problem of the bugs you hated so much.
The first stop was the mall. He picked out a couple of things to put in a box next to the stuffed animal he had bought. The gift was ready, so he put it in the boot of the car. The next stop was the supermarket to buy the ingredients to cook your favorite dish.
He was sure that if he gave you your favorite things, you would easily forgive him.
The last stop was the bakery; he asked them to write "Happy Birthday, Y/N.".
Just in case, he also bought some chocolates that they sold there.
He quickly set about tidying up the whole place; you could be there any minute, and everything should be ready by the time you showed up at home.
“Happy birthday! “he shouted as the door opened, and at the same time, he threw streamers at you.
“Thank you," you said in confusion. But Brock, it's not my birthday today?"
“I know it was yesterday; they didn't get the present in time."
Brock tried to excuse himself.
“My birthday was last month," you interrupted him, and he gave you a confused look. "We went to my favorite restaurant, remember?"
“Yesterday you were angry, and I thought I had forgotten a date, the calendar..."
That's when he realized that he hadn't changed the page of the calendar; he had seen the wrong page.
“You left your dirty clothes in the bathroom again instead of in the laundry basket," you commented.
Brock rolled his eyes. He felt stupid, and now he didn't know what to do.
“But I don't mind celebrating my birthday again either, so what's the next surprise?"
Brock immediately went for what he had cooked.
29 notes · View notes
hanashininglive · 9 months
Text
💛 Side stories translation ❤️
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ranmaru Kurosaki
Demon God (Fire Ring Clothing)
❤️ Episode 1:
🦊Tenko: I am back. ......Oh! Looks like Tokiharu is still studying for the "School". Shall we have tea by ourselves?
😈 Ran: I never imagined a hundred years ago, or even twenty years ago, that I would be drinking tea with you. Although I knew only the name Tenko through Ren.
🦊: I used to hear about you from Ren too. It is an old tale that there is a demon god who is very feared. But now, he's a big brother that everyone can rely on.
😈: you are the one to talk ? ......Whether it's Tokiharu or the people around him, if they weren't such a handful, I wouldn't be taking care of them.
You weren't always like that, were you? I heard there was a rough period when even the foxes had a hard time talking to each other. I don't want to ask too much about it, but I heard that there's a lot going on with each other.
❤️ Episode 2:
😈: .........Oh, it's you. I just told you the other day to stay out of my life. If they see you talking to me, other demons will avoid you.
......... STOP LAUGHING! What's wrong with a demon eating fruit? Fruits still have better taste than humans. It's got a nice color and gloss. And it won't let out a scream that hurts my ears.
Good grief! Just take it easy. I don't care who your lover is, I just don't eat humans. If you want to be a mystic's wife or whatever, do it.
You won't listen if I tried to stop you. Do whatever you want. That's your thing, I know it as much as I hate it. Not even I have the courage to get in the way of love.
I'm rooting for you......I'm not against it, so let's just say leave it at that. 'Cause you're stubborn....You haven't changed a bit since you were a little demon, have you?
❤️ Episode 3:
😈: I'm sorry, we were talking about working together to take them down, Tengoku. But I got ahead of myself when I had the culprit in front of me. I just wanted to get this guy down and put him out of his misery.
However, this one shot reminded me of the old days............You were unlucky too. I'm a little resentful that he made me dream without my permission. I don't think I will be able to hold back!
With a perfectly calm arm, I may not be able to give half of its original power. but it's quite enough to send you to hell.
Ha, are you scared now? How sweet....I am not forgiving you even if you begged for your life! For every dream you showed me, I will return it with a nightmarish reality.
The more demons are feared, the stronger they become. with a single thrust, I'll smash you into pieces. You will witness The power of a fiery Demon god!
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Natsuki Shinomiya
Tenko (heavenly garment)
💛 Episode 1:
🦊Tenko: It's getting hot, isn't it ~ Both of you, Otoharu-kun and Shonoshin should not be too reckless. I usually don't pay attention to my kimonos....
*Transformation*
🦊: This should be perfect for this season. It's a little old, but it's still as comfortable as ever. You two, what do you think?
*Otoharu and Shonoshin clapping for him*
🦊: I'm glad.....you know, Recently, I had a dream. So I was thinking, maybe it was about time to wear this kimono again.
Do you notice that the decorations are a bit simpler than when Shonoshin "changes"? Rest assured that I myself will not change.
Just like a yokai gaining power through someone's prayers and wishes. I may be stronger than usual.
Clap, clap .....Fufu, shall we try it?
💛 Episode 2:
Oh, I'm dreaming again The illusion of those days.
A dream about a human who was shunned for his ability to see Yokais so he was an offering to gods, and a Fox...
What a selfish creature humans are. I never asked for a single offering. With Such rebelliousness I let him live, but .....
He was easily kicked out of the village, and yet he never uttered a single word of complaint. On the contrary, he saw through my arrogance and still smiled at me for being a gentle fox.
Was this cloth the only thing he said he wanted? I was never able to cure him of the disease that was eating away at him.
But now, that bond has come back to me. So this time, I will protect it. That's why, for the past..... I will pay him back.
24 notes · View notes
snowangeldotmp3 · 1 year
Text
dear el; from max
i bet u thought you'd seen the last of me.... nah jk. there will be more of these, but i'll probably post the last two on ao3. after this there is perhaps one...maybe two more that i will post here. maybe. maybe i'll just post them to ao3. anyway, onto the letter!
El,
I don’t know if anyone told you— shit—you probably already know about what’s happening here in Hawkins but,
If you’re reading this, it means he got me. Vecna. Henry. Whatever.
Which means you have my full permission to kick his ass.
I hope California was nicer to you than it was to me, and I hate to know that this is how you found out about everything. I hope you at least made some friends, but they better not be cooler than me.
I hate that we won’t get to have any more girls nights, and that the only ones we did have were from back then. Before Vecna. Those are some of my favorite memories, and I wish we’d hung out more before that summer. But don’t tell Lucas I said that. Or Dustin. They have it in their heads that they’re my favorite, but you’re still my best friend.
And you can have my Wonder Woman comics. I don’t have many of them left because of the move, but I won’t need them anymore. I want you to have them, as like, a memory of me.
You might have to fight Erica for them, though. I promised her some, too. But I’m sure she’ll share them with you if you ask her nicely.
I wish we could’ve had more time. I wish that we could’ve hung out without some world ending threat always knocking at our door. Maybe in another life we could’ve been normal, teenage girls and talk about boys and magazines and shit.
School’s been lonely without you. Mike and Dustin have joined this stupid nerd club and Lucas has tried to be with me but with everything I just, I haven’t felt like being around people. Nancy tries, she offers a seat at lunch and she’s always telling me ‘I’m here for you, if you need me, Max.’ But really I’ve just wanted to be alone.
And look where it’s got me.
I got all of your letters, by the way. Every single one of them. I kept them in a drawer in my nightstand. I read all of them, re-read some of them when I was a little lonelier than usual. I should’ve written back to you, or at least sent the other letters I wrote to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t—you have every right to hate me for that, by the way.
I just…I couldn’t figure out how to actually reply after the first two or three letters. I couldn’t pretend to be happy anymore and eventually it just got too hard. I shut myself out from almost everyone. I thought I could handle it on my own, that everyone was just pitying me as the girl who lost her shitty step-brother in the mall fire, but it turns out I can’t. And that it wasn’t pity, they actually cared about me.
I think that was harder, honestly. To know that people actually cared about me and wanted to see me get better. I pushed everyone away. It was easier.
This feels like it’s a little too late, but I hope you can forgive me for not writing you back. And thank you, for still writing letters to me even though I wouldn’t write back. I don’t think I would’ve lasted this long without you and Lucas. Even though I’ve not been the best friend or girlfriend in the world, you guys have still been there, even when I wasn’t. Or didn’t want to be. You guys were there anyway.
I should’ve written you back. Should’ve given you something to let you know that I was okay. And now all of this shit’s happened, so.
I’m sorry that this is the last thing you’ll get from me. I should’ve been a better best friend and I’m so, so sorry that I wasn’t. This is gonna sound really sappy and sad, so don’t tell anyone, but you’ll always be my best friend, El.
Promise you’ll kick this creep’s ass for me, okay?
Love, your best friend, Max.
29 notes · View notes
okimargarvez · 1 year
Text
THE EXCEPTION
Original title: L’eccezione.
Prompt: what if 16x6.
Warning: spoiler for 16x6.
Genre: romantic, angst.
Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez.
Pairing: Garvez.
Note: oneshot 83 in Garvez collection.
Legend: 💑😘.
Song mentioned: Buona cattiva sorte by Tiziano Ferro.
Tumblr media
GARVEZ STORIES
THE EXCEPTION
Don't worry, my love, there are only you and me
I beg you. Please open those beautiful brown eyes and tell me I'm an idiot, that you hate me, that you'll never forgive me. I certainly won't.
I've been such a fool, but you don't have to pay for my mistakes. How much time have I wasted, how much I have fooled myself, and then to earn what?
I've never been able to keep people at a distance, yet you were my exception. For a while, at least.
I regret all the nice words I could have said and I didn't, knowing full well how much you needed it, how much you wanted it, yet unable to let myself go. Always on the alert, fearing I don't even know what. That you could hurt me? But I'm very good at doing it myself.
I regret all the hugs I could have given you. Luckily you are so stubborn! How could I survive, not knowing what it feels like to be in your arms? And I remember it perfectly, as if I were there now. Only one word is needed: paradise. I don't want to make useless comparisons, but... The first time you hugged me, at Rossi and Krystall's engagement party... I felt naked, for the first time, with you, totally defenseless. And yet perfectly safe. My world was reduced to the heat emanating from your body to your perfume, which wrapped me like a blanket, to your light breath on my neck. In my ears there was only room for your heartbeat. Part of me must have known that you were engaged to another woman at the time, but that wasn't enough to curb my emotions.
Still, I passed it off as a huge concession on my part. The way you spread your arms, you looked at me, asking for permission to hug me… How did we get to that point? How could I make you so insecure? You, who from the outside look like the exact opposite. How much can a cover deceive...
When you arrived, I was convinced you would be leaving soon; therefore, you weren't worth the effort to really get to know you, as a real and complex person and not as any passing agent. And the same was true for me: why waste my precious time with just a newbie?
But then a weird dynamic developed between us. I said once that I don't flirt with you, but I know that's a lie. I don't think I've ever flirted with anyone so much and on a similar level, not even with Morgan. And it's fun, playing with fire. Also tempting. I let myself be carried away by this vortex until I was no longer able to block the mechanism.
And despite all my efforts, the crack in my fluffy armor has been widening. I have tried to send you away, to deny you the deepest insight into my soul. It's true that making love is less intimate than seeing someone cry. But you did it on your own. You have shown me with deeds and not with words, that you deserve a place in my heart.
Then Walker died. We've been apart for months. Something is changed. Even the way of flirting has undergone a transformation, I can't tell if it was for the better or for the worse. And then... Lisa appeared. I'm not lying when I say I was happy for you two. For real. You deserved someone to make you happy. Less complicated than me. But... At the same time it hurt like hell. I've wondered a thousand times if she made you smile as much as I did, if your laughter in her company was as intense as the one you always did for my every joke... If you ever thought about me, kissing her. Every conjecture of this kind was automatically followed by a sense of guilt. I wasn't even certain that you had not-only-friendly feelings towards me, but, in any case, there would never have been anything romantic between us. I had promised it in front of my parents' grave, a few hours after realizing that the crush had turned into falling in love.
Comparing the pros and cons of a possible stay together, I could only see the latter. First, we worked together. But what stopped me the most was fear. Which has taken on a thousand shades. That of being able to lose you during a mission, perhaps due to my mistake, my distraction. That of hurting you personally, because I've never allowed anyone to really stand by me, even if it doesn't seem like it. And you are the knight in shining armor. You would never have accepted that you couldn't defend me. That there are demons I have to face alone.
But it is one in particular, the greatest terror. You have always been transparent with me, you have never censored yourself, especially in your reactions and feelings. How would you have behaved, in a real relationship? How much love would you throw at me? And how could you have survived, not getting the same amount? Because it would have taken me a long, long time to reach your level. And in the meantime I couldn't bear to see you fading and hang and cling to one of my little and rare compliments.
I always figured you'd ask me to move in together after a month. Yeah, right you, the one who didn't want to have a housewarming party for Lisa's move in with you. But it would have been different between us. I know, I'm arrogant to say it, but heaven told me. And after a year, you'd start sending me mysterious signals, all pointing in the direction of white dresses, rings, and Roxy as a page… How could I have stand seeing your broken eyes at my rejection? I've never been the marriage kind and I can't imagine taking that step with you either, but if you wake up now… If you open your eyes, Luke, I swear I'll marry you right away.
What's the point of running away, if I belong to you from the first glance that fell on me? And I will continue to be yours no matter what. This is not a foil, it is simply ascertaining the reality of the facts.
And my biggest regret… You see, I left this one for last on purpose. It's our date. I got it all wrong and I can't even blame case, anxiety or fear. No, because it was a premeditated crime. You should have picked me up and kissed me there, in Rossi's patio, during my farewell party, leaving me no chance to argue back. I think that only then would you have been able to knock down the last row of bricks of the wall that I had erected between us.
But I can't hold you responsible for how it went. You did your part, you managed to ask me out in a way that wiped out any ambiguity. Like a man interested in a woman. And the joy I felt in that instant... It was so overwhelming that I couldn't say no. The only time I should have to, because then I was a coward and took it all back. I throwed away all the emotions we shared between drinks and dances. I have never felt as beautiful as that evening. With your eyes fixed on me, your smile and your easy, confident way... Yes, you really should have kissed me.
But I should have told you no, which I didn't think was a smart idea. It would have been better to ruin you that night than break your heart afterwards. At the point. Hurting you immediately to avoid you a greater pain… but who am I to decide? Either way, I knew I was wrong.
It's useless to reject a thought, some are so insistent that they keep coming back until you give them the right attention. So yeah, over the past seven years I've imagined a few times what a first date between us would be like. Definitely different from how it really happened. And I won't deny it, I take all the blame. I could have warned you that I didn't feel like it anymore. Instead, I let you pick me up at home, like teenagers do. You, so beautiful that it takes my breath away. A light shirt, tight trousers and a book in your hands instead of a bouquet of flowers.
This is the man I pushed away from me. And your smile so incredulous, when you saw me. As if (and I know it was so) you feared until the last minute that I would change my mind. That wink of yours, in the elevator, with the others in the middle, meant exactly that to me. I beg you. Don't deny what we've shared, don't let your fears win. And instead...
I, who had put on a dress that I had bought one day, just thinking about this eventuality which, in any case, I had ruled out a priori. Is there an end to human stupidity? Dark blue, night color. Your eyes made me feel like the sexiest woman on the planet. But it was yet another mistake.
Because I should have sent you a signal, a hint of how I had decided our evening was going to go. If I had presented myself with something less demanding... almost certainly you would not have understood anyway, because heaven has told me that you find me beautiful in any way, perhaps because you look beyond the dress...
Then elegant heels, hands completely free, no rings. You smiled, without saying platitudes as true as "you are beautiful". You said it with your eyes. I don't know for how long we were staring at each other. I'd let you in, but Sergio... It was me the one who broke the silence. Don't worry. A pause. If you're ready... We can go. Always looking for my approval. So tender it makes me want to cry. I nodded. It was really happening. I was going out with Luke Alvez. In the grip of similar thoughts, I was not fast enough and so you opened the door for me, also helping me to get into the car. A feeling of deja vu. In another universe surely we have been married for years and have twins.
Absurdly, there was no embarrassment in the car. The conversation went smoothly, you, usually of few words, just couldn't keep quiet. One time we stopped at a traffic light, I confess, for a moment I was about to kiss you. But I didn't, because then I wouldn't have lived up to the expectations I would have created in you.
Even on arrival you opened the car door for me. Do you remember? I know you're listening, so wherever you are, I hope you enjoy remembering you screwed me over again, because I was in too much shock. You took me to the most famous vegetarian place in the area. Why I knew you would give importance to this thing that many ignore? For example with Battle...
I don't know with what courage you took my hand, only letting it go when we sat down at our table. And I was weak, I immersed myself in that feeling, your fingers between mine and once again I allowed myself to delude myself that maybe... Maybe it could work. Perhaps the evening would have ended with us hugged in bed, me telling you about my firm intention to send everything to hell, but then, fortunately...
It didn't last long enough, because once we detached, a thousand fears, from the most sensible to the most absurd, attacked me, all together. What if we didn't have the same chemistry in the bedroom? What if once the deed was consummated, all the charm was gone? What if dating you made me want to go back to the BAU? That would have killed me and I know you know it. It's not my place anymore.
Since that moment, you haven't had half a hope anynmore. I think you realized this gradually. I started avoiding your gaze. I dodged your hand every time you tried to move it towards mine, on the table. I didn't let you pour me a drink. Never. When you tried, It escaped me a tone so harsh it scared you and you almost knocked over the carafe. At first you must have told yourself it was just some normal anxiety. Finally, you had to face harsh reality.
Your immense effort, your putting yourself on the line, had been useless. You weren't worth enough for me too to decide to risk my entire existence, crossing the unknown with you.
But I know that heaven speaks to you too and that you have or had profound certainties. About how much we would love each other. That our relationship would never become flat and boring. That you'd love to come home to me and take antibiotics every week for cat dander allergies.
But how to make you accept that sometimes not even you would be able to erase my sadness? That even if you are the immense, I can't allow you to be everything? How to live up to the divinity you created over me, every day?
And even though you had guessed my intentions by now, you didn't allow me to go back by taxi and, in front of my house door, as in the most classic clichés, you made a half attempt to kiss me. But you didn't fully believe it, turning it into a kiss on the cheek. Although not at all harmless.
I read so much pain in your eyes, that I decided that getting away from me would be the best thing. For you, first of all. I've always replied to your messages, but never letting myself go, no jokes or flirting anymore, never being myself. I never contacted you first, even pretending that I forgot your birthday. When that date is tattooed on my heart. Then the frequency between messages got lower and lower and I convinced myself that you were finally getting over it.
And I was happy for you as I am for myself, for the equilibre I've reached now. But then you reappeared and with one stupid smile I realized it was all bullshit. You weren't over it, and I was in the same boat. It's as if after our appointment, since we started working together again, you move on two parallel tracks. On the one hand the respect for my choice to cut everything between us, on the other the absolute freedom to flirt and woo me, because, after asking me out romantically, what should stop you from explicitly showing your feelings?
Then you thought it best to blow up and get kidnapped. Wasn't that time with Matt enough for you? And you managed to win. Again, you win, Luke Alvez. I've been here for hours, I haven't let others enjoy their moment with you, I've been selfish as never. But they understood even before me.
I'm waiting for a nurse or doctor to come by, for someone to realize that visiting hours have been over for quite a while. In the meantime, I'll stay here. And by the way, don't think you can get rid of me, because tomorrow and the day after and the day after that, I'll come back to torment you with my rambling thoughts. Until you will decide to open those eyes.
Look what you did to make me give in. Was there really a need to almost kill youreself? Considering how messed up I was, maybe yes. But it's not fair that you have to suffer the consequences. But if it were me in your place, you'd probably be even worse off, so... There's no way out.
My throat is so parched... You know I'm a big talker, but this time I went too far. What more can I say to wake you up? Wasn't this confession enough for you? Do you really want that the first time... that it would be with you in that shape and with a foot in the grave? No, there is a limit.
But, by the way... Do you know that you've never been so vulnerable? Even if I am aware that with my words, I have changed your day, more than once, not always voluntarily. But that's not what I meant. I, now, could... Do what I want. And if you don't hurry to lift those lids, I do.
You, who are more romantic than you would ever admit, would you accept that our first kiss is like this? That I can decide every aspect of it. Duration. Intensity.
Okay, you may not be able to see me like in movies, but I think you feel my presence, you know I'm leaning over you. My lips are inches from yours, Luke. Last chance. All right, you stubborn...
Penelope doesn't have time to finish the sentence. Every word and thought of her is swept away by the man's arms, which, coming to life out of nowhere, drag her towards him, even making their lips meet. The blonde's eyes close instantly, but she still manages to notice a flicker in the lighter ones. She didn't have the absolute certainty that, in case he woke up, she would keep her word. Now, however, all doubts have been banished from her mind and her heart. I told you, you were supposed to kiss me that very night. After four years, even without an official date ... Luke notices the change in her when they part.
-What the hell...- she tries to get up, fearing to hurt him. He has several broken ribs and more. Still, he looks great. His smirk serves as an answer. -How long have you been awake?- her eyes reduced to two slits, are glaring at him. But they don't scare him at all.
-Quite enough.- they both keep silent, mainly to catch their breath. -So... Did you know that Spencer has a license to officiate weddings?- Penelope blanches.
But she ignores his provocation and focuses on another matter. -You left me raving with despair for over an hour?- Luke makes the mistake of shrugging. He grimaces.
-Well, considering the results- he licks his lips -I did well.- she can't blame him. Since they've come to the point by now, she might as well indulge in what she has always denied herself. She takes his hand, stroking it, brushing against the tubes that protrude from his arm. -But you didn't answer me.- she immediately understands what she is referring to, but she remains silent. -Heaven...- he begins -told me that I would marry you and that that day you would be the happiest woman in the universe.- he winks. Then he gets serious again. -I don't want to get married today, tomorrow, in a week or in a month. But you said first that there's no need to fight against the inevitable, so... I just need to know that you don't rule it out a priori.- he coughs. He has talked too much, in his condition.
Penelope is already ready to scold him. -You should rest.- she hands him the glass and helps him drink. But she soon realizes that he won't be a model patient until she gives him a complete answer. -Okay, stubborn fool, what you got wasn't enough for you, was it? Oh no, if you give the young gentleman a finger then he wants the whole hand...- he remains waiting. No, he won't give up. -Alright then. We are together. I'm your girlfriend. You are my boyfriend. When they let you come home, we'll find a place to live together.- Luke opens his eyes wide, really surprised. -What? It's what we both want, and we have to make up for lost time.- she admits candidly.
However, he doesn't seem satisfied. -It's not what I asked you, though.- although he is aware that for her living together is a huge step. Since she never allowed his predecessors to share her everyday life with them. But... -You know that I'm not the type who thinks about marriage, right? Didn't the heaven tell you this?- he sees the terror that rises, but keeps, as long as his lungs allow him. -I didn't even think I wanted a stable relationship. Move in? It was Lisa's idea. I would carry on as we were. But with you… It's all different.- she has to ask him, even if she already knows the answer.
-Why?- a sweet smile on Luke's lips, which is automatically reflected in her heart.
-Because you are my exception.- the tears explode as soon as he finishes speaking. Emotional ones along with those she didn't allow herself to pay since they witnessed the explosion onwards. Because it would have been like giving up and no, she wasn't willing to accept that.
Besides her salt drops, something else comes out of her, something Penelope would never be able to tell. -I love you so much, Luke Alvez.- he tries to reach down to stroke her cheek and wipe tears from her face.
-Me too. I love you immensely, Penelope Garcia.-
Take me with every wound, take me for life, for better or worse, I will love her, I will love her until I die
11 notes · View notes
funkymbtifiction · 2 years
Text
EFJ superego things, low intuition, and so on ;)
How do I tell my superego to be quiet? I know I’m a 2, a 6 or a 9 and I keep on beating myself up for not helping people enough even though I’ve been told I’m thoughtful/helpful. I always feel like I could be doing a better job and be more composed/perfect and I keep on working on my presentation and avoiding mistakes but to no avail. I am worried that I’m letting everyone down — I have such a crazy volunteer schedule and I keep on getting asked to do things and I can’t say no. Is this typical 269 stuff?
Sounds like a core 2w1.
Something to take to heart: when you are always picking up the slack, there's no room for anyone else to take the initiative to help -- and sometimes that's what other people need to do. One way to help them reach their full potential is to leave the space for them to know they are needed, by not saying yes to everything.
One way to dismantle your super-ego is to notice when you find it hard to tell anyone no, slow down, and ask, "Do I really want to do this, or am I just guilt-tripping myself into it?" If the answer is the latter, there is no shame in saying no, nicely. "I wish I could, but I am just too busy to take on another thing. I'm sure you will find someone capable of handling this or that you can get it done, because you are amazing!"
You also have to learn to factor your own needs into things, and self-care, something 2s struggle with -- but the bottom line is this: you can't help anybody else if you are too exhausted, burned out, or busy, because you are not taking sufficient down time and resting. You do not need to do everything, be everything, and get everything done, for everybody.
And yes, 269s tend to be pushovers in a way -- there's no fix in there that isn't somewhat attached to people, and 9s loathe any kind of conflict, so they will go along with it to avoid disappointing others.
Do you experience these things as a fellow superego type?
To some extent, yes. I guilt-trip myself regularly for not being nicer, more generous, more accommodating, or for slacking off instead of getting things done; I feel guilty just sitting around doing nothing or watching television when there's a lot of stuff to do. I had to learn to give myself permission to delete asks I don't want to answer, rather than feeling obligated to respond to them. (Sorry, people! But that's how it's gonna be.) But it's somewhat helpful for me, being a Fi and not a dominant 2, in that I prioritize what I want to do above all else, so I can manage a degree of separation from people. (For example: I care more about writing than answering asks, so writing comes first; any leftover energy goes to answering the asks I care about.)
I also am wondering how to become more intuitive — I think I am probably a sensor because I have difficulty with blind idealism and I have a photographic memory yet I still put a rose colored lens on things instead of seeing them how they are.
This is pretty typical for a 9-2 stem. They hate negativity, and 269s are the type most inclined to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, forgive endlessly, and assume their motives are purer than they are. Whichever one is leading will direct this more -- the 692 is a bit more negative and skeptical, but the 296 or the 926 are positive.
My mom, in contrast, is an ENP who intuits things immediately and goes tangent to tangent and is SUCH a good and funny conversationalist. She clearly leads with Ne and it comes so naturally to her. Ideas are her life. She also reads people’s intentions much more & is right about her various hunches. (“I knew it would end like that,” etc.) How can I make my Ne this way?
Why do you want that? Just to be an interesting conversationalist? I am sure as an ESFJ that you are fine as you are, that you are interesting as you are, and that you have enough Ne to be quite funny if you were to lighten up a little and give yourself more credit. You will never have as strong or as accurate a Ne as your intuitive mother, so don't try to achieve those levels. Lower Ne is very good at being creative, seeing things in new ways, and optimistic, but it's not going to be right all the time. Just let it be true to itself, and use it for stories, whimsy, and coming up with alternative possibilities. :)
10 notes · View notes
aajjks · 4 months
Note
Tc!Koo I went to get Zan just like you wished but he wasn’t in his room. He wasn’t with the other kids. The only other option was in your chamber. Nurse Joy has requested by the queen to come see her in the mornings since she found out she was pregnant. Giving her permission to enter your chambers. She said neither the queen or little prince where inside. However, she found this on the bed. It’s a letter. Nobody has opened it, it’s addressed to you.
“Jungkook.. I don’t even know how to start this or say it other than to just say it.. I’m leaving, I’m taking my Zan with me. I can’t sit and watch the life, the life I almost died for drain from him. I knew that our son had a responsibility to fulfill but holding my 6 year old as he’s crying, asking me if I gave birth to him just to let him hurt everyday, telling me he didn’t want to live anymore because his forced responsibilities.. I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore. The older he gets, the more is forced onto him. The more he has to deal with, the more he cries. Yes, I chose my son but it wasn’t over you. I chose my son over royalty. You were born for this. I wasn’t. I’m not going to break my child until he gives in to the pressure and becomes king. I know you have a duty to fulfill. It was stupid for me to ever think of you differently. To think you’d walk away for me. I’m not sure what I hate myself for more, thinking you’d chose me or even letting myself fall for you in the first place.. You told me once, all you ever wanted was me, that’s why you went through so much to get me.. But I’ve realized something. Neither one of us is what we had each hoped for.. You need a queen who is willing to give her child up for the crown. I need a husband who puts his family before anything, everything. A born king can never do that. I can, I will, I am. For both my children.. I had trying to tell you for a while now but your duties interrupted me every time.. Something was always more important than me. I’m sorry you’re finding out this way. I never wanted it to be this way.. I hope you know, I do love you. If you had asked me to runaway, to leave everything behind, I would have. Not because I don’t care about the people but because I’d choose you. I always would have but we have a family. Our babies, we created out of love. They’re ours to love, protect, cherish.. He already thinks you hate him but you’d hate Zan for not becoming king.. I won’t let him witness that. Neither will I let our daughter. I’m sorry all we do is disappoint you but you’ve let us down to. I hope you find the future queen of Corea and have all the princes and princesses you want but I won’t force ours. I’m choosing my family over royalties.”
You have broken his heart, and now he has tired. He cannot chase after you anymore. You took away his children from him and he’s never going to forgive you for that. You disrespected his mother and you think that jungkook is the enemy of his own children.
Jungkook runs his temple, he is tired if you want to go, then you can go. “ why did none of you tell me that she was pregnant?” he admits that he’s wrong about not giving you or his children much time, but he is a king and his son was also born to be a king.
You didn’t even try to make the young kid understand and Jungkook hates himself for loving you. “Okay fine. The queen left. With my child.” He sighs but he doesn’t want to get angry. “you guys may leave.”
He hopes that you’ll be happy in your life because you’ve ruined his and he’s never going to forgive you for this.
1 note · View note
cluz1babe · 4 months
Text
1. You get to marry one fictional character – who is it?
1A) Eddie Munson.
2. If you didn’t have to worry about money or a job, where would you live in the world?
2A) I’d have multiple houses in places like California, Mexico, and the UK.
3. What was the last book that you got so absorbed in that you couldn’t put it down?
3A) A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes
4. In your mind, what are your 3 biggest weaknesses?
4A) Social Skills, Sweets, the promise of a good time.
5. You only get 3 words to describe yourself – what are they?
5A) Quiet, Weird, Stubborn
6. Which is better to listen to – your heart or your brain?
6A) Both ; You can’t choose just one and ignore the other half of the story.
7. Do you consider yourself a spiritual person? How about religious?
7A) Sort of spiritual, but agnostic.
8. What kind of extra-curricular activities did you do for fun in high school?
8A) Choir & Theatre
9. What’s your weirdest pet-peeve?
9A) I don’t know what my weirdest one is, but I hate smacking sounds when people eat or chew gum, and yet I chew gum a lot to prevent myself from using too much THC vape or to keep myself from snacking too much.
10. Which is better: asking for permission or asking for forgiveness?
10A) Permission
11. What would you do if you inherited 1 million dollars tomorrow?
11A) Pay off my car and my house and all of my debt.
12. What’s the most embarrassing moment of your life so far?
12A) That is a hard one. Probably blowing a couple of auditions.
13. What fictional character do you identify with the most?
13A) Daenerys Targaryen (sorry, not sorry) & Newt Scamander
14. Are you a superstitious type of person? About what?
14A) Yes-ish, but I try to force myself not to be. Many examples, but I wear a bracelet every single day, unless I’m coming into contact with water. It has 2 glass beads, each with one of two of my furkids’ ashes. green one is Merlotte and the blue one is Scully.
15. Where would you rather live – a big house in the suburbs or a tiny apartment in a great location in the city?
15A) Big House! I want a minimum of 3000 sq ft in the house and 10+ acres of land for an animal sanctuary. It might have to be slightly further out than the suburbs, depending on location.
16. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?
16A) Successful actress or animal rehab
17. Ever have any trouble with the law or get arrested?
17A) No
18.Which do you like more, a great book or a great movie?
18A) I’m a visual person and I tend to follow better and remember more when I have seen something, so movie or tv series.
19. Do you think it’s important to keep up with the news or do you not care?
19A) Very important! Have you seen the world lately‽ More people need to be more involved in every way, especially the people 25 and under!
20. What’s the nicest thing you’ve ever heard about yourself? What do you WANT to hear about yourself?
20A) That I put on a great performance. That I put on a great performance.
21. What do you want to have going on in your life in 5, 10, 15, 20, 25 years?
21A) 5 years - Movie or TV job with speaking lines. 10 years - A starring role. 15 years - Continued Success. 20 years - Acting plus a sanctuary farm. 25 years - Continued Success
22. Which would you rather be, smart or happy, and why?
22A) Smart because what’s the point of being happy if the world is on fire around you?
23. You can have one superpower – and only one. What is it, and why did you pick it?
23A) Perfect social skills because I have really bad social skills. Otherwise, maybe communicating with animals or breathing under water, because that’s what I’ve always wanted. 🤷🏻‍♀️
24. What’s your biggest regret that you have in your life so far?
24A) Going back to college so I’d have an excuse to not start my life fr because I was in love with a guy and didn’t want to have a long distance relationship. Never put your life on hold for a significant other unless you know for a fact that they would do it for you.
25. Which show on TV do you absolutely HAVE to watch live when it airs?
25A) I don’t have regular TV or cable, so I guess nothing. But I used to be obsessed with The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, & Supernatural and you had to watch them when they aired or you would be spoiled by online chatter and memes.
0 notes
alextheavoidant · 8 months
Text
Blah blah blah
Well, this blog is pretty much just a dumping ground for my thoughts at this point, so I might as well just get as much out as I can. Easier said than done though. Kind of like having to take a real big shit. There's so much of it because you've been holding it in for so long and that pizza just had way too much cheese. But there is no pizza just a moldy block of shitty cheese that was force fed to you by someone else who can't shit out their own cheese. Yeah... that's an analogy.
Forgive me if I don't put too much thought into what I'm saying. I really don't care. This is the first time I have given myself permission to express myself, unfiltered and uninhibited by what others might think. So if I find that I am eloquently vulgar and unpleasant, well I guess that's just me. Hope you don't mind.
One of the most unpleasant things about life is the functions of the body. I often wish I just simply be a mind, unattached to the physical realm, but still a part of it. If that makes any sense. There is so much about life that I love and enjoy. So many things I appreciate and can't imagine living without. So many things I am grateful for and wouldn't change for the world. But there are also many, many things that make living nearly unbearable. I'd be lying if I said there weren't times when I wanted to give up. Many times. But suicidal ideation has never been an issue for me, thankfully. I could never kill myself. I'm far too squeamish when it comes to my body. I couldn't even climb the monkey bars as a kid because I was worried about getting blisters on my hands.
No, my self-harm, rather than coming from action, comes from a place of inaction. Of... well, avoidance. Depression and anxiety caused me to take very little care of myself. As a result, my body has been damaged permanently as a result of simply not taking care of it. In ways that are not only painful and difficult to manage, but embarrassing as well. And it's only recently that I am really starting to see just how severe my mental health has been for... pretty much my entire life.
I was a selective mute in school, starting in first grade. I had a few friends, but none that carried over into adulthood, and I never felt like I was ever able to effectively connect with them or really be myself because I was always so worried about what people would think. Even those close to me, I feel, even to this day, has never really known the real me. The only person I think who has ever really seen me is my therapist. As they are the only person who I have ever really been able to be honest with.
I always felt the need to like what others liked or disliked what everyone else hated. It took a long time to really find the ability to gauge my own feelings about things. This could become very awkward when I found find myself in a situation with two people in a disagreement who wanted my opinion. I would completely short circuit and be unable to answer, as I knew either way I would make someone upset. And that scenario is one of many reasons I found to isolate more an more as social interactions were a mine field of inner turmoil, even with the most minute of interactions.
I am happy to say that today, I am much more connected to my true, authentic self. In a way, as my therapist puts it, I always have been. I've just been too afraid to express it. I never felt like I was allowed to express it because I was taught from a young age that everything about myself was bad and wrong. Every single thing I did and said was scrutinized, scoffed at. Glared at with distain and asked how I could be so stupid. She still does this to me, to this day. My "mother".
It's taken a lot of hard work to try and tune her out, as I am too damn broken to live and exist on my own at this point. I have spent the past ten years trying to "reparent" myself, through therapy and education and a lot of self-help and self-care. I have successfully managed to rewire my brain in many aspects of my thought processes, but it was not easy. And I'm still working on it. It is an amazing thing through, when I stop and realize what I have accomplished. I have achieved things I never, ever even imagined I would.
Like self-love. That's a big one. A huge one, in fact. To know I no longer hate myself. To know I am worthy of being my number one priority. To know I am not exceptionally disgusting, annoying, defective, unworthy. That I am not uniquely deserving of scorn, contempt, hatred and distain. That the agony of loneliness and the despair of feeling trapped does not have to be a running theme for the rest of my life. I can make it. I can change it. I have come this far and I am nowhere near stopping. I have been on this road long enough to know that it won't stop. It can't stop. As I, just the person that I am, am uniquely predetermined to move forward. As that is just my nature. That is the blessing in this hell. The solace in all this chaos.
I understand, now, the many things that have come before me. What lead to all this and where it might go. And while I cannot control the road that others choose to take, I can carve out my own path. Through the brush. Through the jungle to which they fear and dare not venture. To find something better. Something sacred. Something whole.
Thanks for reading. Going back to my cave now. Baiiiiiii
0 notes
Text
Just a place to scream and cry
I haven't posted here in a long time. The death of our son tooks its toll on my husband and I. We drank too much, we cried together and we fought to keep our love strong. This year we will celebrate 44 yrs of loving each other. Was it easy? Hell no! Was it worth it? Hell yes! We adore our three kids still living. We adore their families and their lives. However, they think we pushed them away. No, let me be truthful. They think I pushed them away by drinking myself into oblivion. I didn't mean to push them away. I just had to hide away from the pain. Their father was the same. I don't understand the difference between our drinking but whatever. His is acceptable but mine is not. Two years after Matthew's death we knew we could no longer live in our apartment. Matthew died there, I found him and his father tried to revive him. We were in absolute HELL. In 2019 we moved from our apartment and into our camper on a nearby lake. I needed the sun and my husband, Dick, needed to fish. We met new friends and started to rebuild our lives. We were still drinking too much but we loved each other more. We hung onto each other because that's what we do. The kids weren't happy with our decision. Then when we decided to head to Florida for the winter months well, that pissed everyone off. No one understood that my health was failing in Ohio. I had lung cancer in 2009. The doctors removed most of my left lung and I ended uo with asthma. It's all good because I survived. After Matthew died, I became very ill and ended up in the hospital where I was expected to live. The Ohio winters are hard on me because I can't get outside. The cold messes with my asthma and it hurts to breathe. After back surgery in 2007, I am considered to be a fall risk so walking on snowy or icy sidewalks is not good for me. Florida meant I could get well again. The trees, the lakes/ocean and nature started healing us. Now in 2023, I stopped drinking to the point of oblivion. I have a drink or two at night but I no longer need oblivion. I am not sure our kids will ever forgive me.
Generally we leave Ohio on November 1st and travel to Florida. We primitive tent camp throughout Florida and return April 1st. It's wild and crazy and inspiring. It's also healing. We came back early, February, because our granddaughter was hospitalized for Anorexia Nervousa. She is the daughter of our youngest daughter. However, once we were back we needed a place to stay. Our son was like no way but our youngest daughter said we could stay with her. We went each day to stay in the hospital with our granddaughter until her mom and dad could come in the early evening. We did this for about a week. While we were there my husband kept asking why no one was speaking to us. My daughter's oldest daughter was instructed to spy on me and tell if I was drinking. So, one night I had three drinks. It wasn't but a couple days later we were asked to leave. We had to get permission to come back to our camper because it was late February and the campground doesn't open until April 1st. We had electric but no water. It really wasn't much different that primitive tent camping, just a lot colder. I haven't told anyone how upset their dad is...he was/is devastated by the kids attitudes. We always had our kids backs...no matter what kind of BS they got into they knew we loved and supported them (sometimes literally). I wiped out my 401k buying groceries, paying rent, paying bills and attorney fees, weddings and more. But this is all forgotten by them. It hurts a lot but I don't have any regrets. We were damn good parents. What I do hate is how much they have hurt their father.
0 notes
nekoannie-chan · 2 years
Text
What do you want from me?
Tumblr media
Pairing: Steve Rogers X EX-HYDRA Agent!Reader.
Word count: 976 words.
Summary: Years after what happened with HYDRA, Steve goes to find you.
Warnings: Reader is little paranoid.
A/N: This is my entry to @magicallovdrms ‘ 300 Follower Celebration with prompt #18:
“If you were to kill me, you could have done it already. So, what do you want from me?"
Thanks to my beta reader @saiyanprincessswanie ​
My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.
I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.
My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.
If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.
Tags: @sinceimetyou ​  @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad ​ @navybrat817 ​  @angrythingstarlight ​ @shield-agent78 ​ @charmed-asylum ​ @pandaxnienke ​  @real-fbi ​ @smokeandnailz ​  @white-wolf1940 ​ @tenaciousperfectionunknown ​  @xoxonotme ​ @bluemusickid ​ @leyannrae ​  @harrysthiccthighss ​ @marvelatthisone ​ @hallecarey1 ​ @caplanbuckybarnes ​
Tumblr media
After the HYDRA uprising, you had to flee; you couldn't finish your mission. Your plan had gone perfectly until they discovered the truth, and then you ran away. You didn't want to have the same fate as your companions; Rollins was in prison, Rumlow was dead...
You managed to find a place where no one suspected who you were. However, you always had all the precautions to avoid being found. No one could understand the reasons why you were practically forced to join HYDRA.
Maybe your only mistake has been that you fell in love with your target. Even though two years earlier, he found out the truth, he had sought you out, but there was simply no trace of you. You didn't leave a single clue. Maybe he expected to see you in prison or during the chaos.
The reality was that you left the place as soon as the riots started, went to what was once your home, and took your belongings with you. You always carried with you the last photo you and Steve had taken on the last date they had had.
You were sure he hated you. He probably wouldn't have believed you loved him, although many times you were tempted to ask him to run away with you. What you did regret was that you accepted that mission, and he probably believed you betrayed him.
You wanted to tell him the whole truth and tell him again for the last time that you loved him, but you knew that the safest thing was that he would not believe or forgive you, so it was best to walk away and try to forget him... Forget everything you did in the past.
Tumblr media
Before entering the apartment, you checked the surroundings to make sure that no one had followed you. Everything seemed safe, so you proceeded to enter with the groceries you bought. When you closed the door, you realized that there was something different that was obviously not right. Now you had to find out who the person was who had found you.
You put one of your hands in the back pocket of your pants. You always carried one of your weapons with you, in case it was necessary.
"I never stopped looking for you; I knew I'd find you one day," Steve said, leaving the notebook he had grabbed on the coffee table in the living room.
"Rogers."
"Before you called my name, no," you said, "my love," Steve replied.
"How did you find me?" You did not get an answer to that question. Since you escaped from the Triskelion, you have been exaggeratedly careful to avoid this.
When you love someone, you always look for ways to reconnect with that person.
You did not take your eyes off him, but you did not neglect your surroundings. At any time, his team or the police would enter to arrest you, if you were sure. Even though since you fled, you have led a quiet life, it could well be said that somehow you resigned from HYDRA.
You hate me. "That's a lie." You hate me for having lied to you and betrayed you."
"No, that's a lie." Steve raised his voice, and you looked at him surprised. He never spoke to you like that.
You approached him with extreme care. You observed him in detail. He looked different. He looked lost and sore. He didn't even look like the man you met, but that didn't mean you shouldn't find out his intentions. Maybe he didn't want to arrest you, although he did want to arrest you, so it was best to be direct. You didn't have time for games.
"If you were to kill me, you could have done it already. So, what do you want from me?"
Steve saw you with a gesture of disbelief. Why would you believe that? He had already forgiven you a long time ago. He knew you and wanted to be with you. He was sure that the only thing you did not lie about was your feelings.
"Haven't you seen the news?" I'm a fugitive. I need you so I can escape, "he replied while still looking at you.
"The right and perfect Captain America asks a HYDRA agent for help," you scoffed.
"Accords affect you too," Steve said.
"No, I am not an active agent. I will not save the world."
But you are also a fugitive; otherwise, there would be no reason for you to be living in a place like this. Come on, Y/N, you are the only one who can help me.
"And now that you found me, I'll have to leave again. I'm sure this is a trap and you'll take me to prison," you said. You were still undecided about whether or not you could trust him.
"No, I won't," he said.
"I don't believe you."
"I still love you," he said, taking your hand in his.
"What? You must be kidding after what I did..."
"I'm not kidding. I know the reasons why you joined HYDRA, but I'm also sure your feelings are real. That's something you can't fake. Please, I need you," Steve pleaded with you. You went to the kitchen; he wasn't lying to you.
"Do you want tea? Because this is going to take some time. I want you to tell me everything that has happened," you said.
You started telling him what had happened since you ran away. You made an effort not to cry. You both loved each other, so you were going to help him.
You said, "Just let me keep some things that we will need. We will run away together; they will never find us." You nodded and smiled. He was glad to know that he could count on you. Ah, Steve, I love you too."
34 notes · View notes
ijumpedacrossforyou · 11 months
Text
And there it is.
Predictably, he finally texted 10 days after saying he would leave me alone. A text of reasonable length. “I know I said I wouldn’t bother you but...” he did anyway. “You’ve done nothing to deserve this.” “I’m truly sorry for being dishonest.” “I’m not looking for a response.” “I hope everything great happens for you going forward.” This generic package tied with a "hope all is well” bow. I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist.
I told him again that he wasn’t sorry. He may actually be sorry I’m hurt, I just don’t believe he’s sorry he hurt me. He has never seemed or cared to understand why these deceptions bother me so much - the way it makes him look to me, the way it makes all the time we’ve spent together a farce, the way it makes everyone right, the way it makes her right. I hate it, and I hate that it doesn’t bother him. It’s partially my fault for allowing him to continually ask for forgiveness instead of permission. I have always come around. Why wouldn’t he expect me to do the same this time?
I am just so tired. I have waited so long for things to change while everything only continued to get worse. I pointed that out one of the times I tried to end it. We went from spending every weekend out together to him hiding any traces of being with me. He rejected all invitations to spend time with me and my friends or do anything in public. He parked a few blocks away and walked over to my house, as if the people he thought were watching would notice his vehicle but somehow wouldn’t notice him. We fought the first time. I told him it was okay after that, because I wanted that badly to see him.
I told him I would not absolve him this time. He said he didn’t want that. He only wanted me to know he was sorry and felt like a piece of shit. I told him he had no reason to feel bad about it now if he didn’t feel bad about doing it in the first place. “You have no idea how I felt when doing it but okay. Just keep thinking you know how I feel.” He also said he “hopes I find what I’m looking for.” Whatever he thinks that means. Probably finding someone else to be with, not believing that I have absolutely no intentions of ever dating again. Partly because I love him, and partly because I’m terrified of wasting any more of my time on men who won’t love me back. I’d rather be alone than face this level of disappointment again.
The conversation ended with me saying I have to guess how he feels, because what he says and what he does do not correlate. I saw he began to respond but stopped himself. Maybe because we agreed not to argue. I am trying my hardest to convince myself it doesn’t matter. No more excuses. No more rationalizing. It is what it is. Let it be. Let him be, and hope he leaves me be.
0 notes
prettiestcowgirl · 1 year
Text
my boyfriend has a job opportunity in a city six hours away and will have to move there for the year to undergo training. He asked me if I’d go with him. I said yes, but I’m hesitant to drop everything and leave. my best friend said that he would miss me, but he thinks I need to get away from here and finally live my own life. My aunt told me that my grandmother used to call her and tell her that it was about time I stopped doing everything for my family and started taking care of myself. I don’t even think I know how to do that. I don’t know who I am when I am not made up of someone else.
Before my grandmother died she asked me to keep the family together. She worked with what little we had, and I have always put aside my own feelings to honor her wishes as well. The few instances which I didn’t are ones that fill me with the most regret. I don’t want to feel that hurt again, but there is another hurt that has started to bud inside of me: the regret of never being selfish. I look at other girls jovially plump with life and opportunity and I’m jealous. I don’t grow bitter because I know it isn’t their fault, but I still envy that they are the sun of their own universe. I have rotated around anyone I’ve gotten close to whether they were good to me or not.
My boyfriend’s younger sister recently bleached her hair. She is from a traditionally Asian family that disapproves of it, but I thought she looked adorable. I ran my hands through it, tossed it around into braids while telling her that she was young and deserving of experimentation—
“I’d rather go through life asking for forgiveness rather than asking for permission.”
She replied so casually, and I thought nothing of it at the time, but it sat like a stone in my mind later on. I fear asking for forgiveness, yet I have forgiven people for the awfullest of things. I fear it so deeply that I have barely stepped out of line my entire life. For a few moments, I hated her. She encapsulated everything I’ve lost so much life to: following around those who beg for forgiveness with a broom and dustpan.
I realized that it was a choice, it’s always a choice. I will die with regret, but which ones will they be? Will I regret the things I didn’t do for my family? Or will I regret the things I didn’t do for myself? Pain is inevitable in either case.
1 note · View note
do you believe in forgiveness
Yes, forgiveness has helped me heal relationships with myself- my body, my parents, and people/situations that have hurt me.
I heard this quote a long time ago:
“Holding onto anger and pain is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” - Unknown
That was very true for me. I hated my dad so much that I had this attitude about me and people always asked why I was angry- I didn’t know what they were talking about at the time, to me, I was just being normal.
Then, I started having nightmare dreams of my dad almost every night until I met up with him after 16years.
I was able to understand that
hurt people hurt people.
His treatment of me had to deal with his own traumas and unhealed wounds.
Does it make it okay? No, but this understanding allowed me to cultivate empathy and forgiveness for those on their healing journey, as we are all on one.
With that said, I think forgiveness works well with boundaries. You can forgive someone or a situation without allowing them/it full access to you.
Your energy, time, and essence is the most valuable thing you have to offer the world.
So, as an example, I speak to my mom periodically because too much of her can become toxic to me. Identifying boundaries and what you need can help the forgiving process.
I too find gratitude in each situation, the role my parents played in my life, helped me to build strength and independence.
So, I believe that gratitude can be found when we look for it.
Lastly, for me, facing my dad in person was beneficial. That may not always be what is beneficial to others. However, I recommend an approach that will give you the opportunity to express emotions:
Finding a safe group to talk about it
Writing a letter, journaling, poetry
Writing songs, singing, playing instruments
Writing jokes (comedy, humor)
Permission to cry
Permission to SAFELY hit (boxing class or gym workouts)
Permission to take as much time as needed
Crafts, paintings
I hope this helps who it may.
-// Blessings 🌺
0 notes