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lurkingshan · 7 months

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On Boston and Brian Kinney

I’ve seen a lot of folks in the Only Friends tag recently making connections between the show and Queer as Folk, both US and UK versions, which makes sense because QaF is a clear reference for the show, both visually and thematically, and we know Jojo likes to reference western media in his work. One parallel folks are drawing is not tracking for me, however, so I am jumping in the wayback machine and putting on my old QaF stan hat to talk to y’all about Brian Kinney, and why Boston is actually nothing like him. Tagging @bengiyo and @neuroticbookworm who talked this through with me and also @slayerkitty because I saw you were contemplating this connection between the two characters.

So, first, why are people making this comparison? It really boils down to one thing: Brian and Boston are both sluts. That’s… pretty much it. They both like sex and prefer to have it with many different partners, and neither has much use for monogamy. But this is pretty much where their similarities end.

So let’s remind ourselves who Brian Kinney is: a kind of fantasy of a hot, rich, self-actualized gay man with unmatched sexual prowess and a surface level flippancy masking a heart of gold. Brian is an adult man with a thriving career and money that he earned for himself after leaving his abusive and homophobic family (who would eventually explicitly reject him because of his sexuality). As a result, he is defiant in his commitment to live his life as loudly and queerly as possible—which includes a dedication to fucking and sucking, public sex, and a rejection of heteronormative constructs like monogamy.

Brian has a very clear moral code he lives by, even if it’s not one most can relate to. He decides to have a son with his (lesbian) best friend because part of him wants to believe in a better future and build a family of his own. He is extremely loyal to his found family even as he’s a jerk to their face most of the time, and he is always working behind the scenes to protect them even as he often hurts their feelings with his glib remarks and shitty behavior. Despite his disdain for monogamy, he never actually tries to destroy any of his friends’ happy relationships (in fact, he tries to sacrifice his own friendship with Michael to ensure he stays with his boyfriend).

Brian has a sense of responsibility to others and often takes on the blame for things he didn’t even do, which is why he takes baby gay Justin to Debbie and ensures he is cared for even as he tries to dissuade Justin from getting attached to him, and why he cares for Justin in the aftermath of his bashing. He cares deeply about his community, to the point where he pours his money into protecting the local gay scene, literally bankrupts himself to stop an anti-gay politician from winning an election, and gives up a dream job to stay put in Pittsburgh and help rebuild the community after a hate crime.

Brian is unflinchingly honest and he avoids making promises because once he does, he knows he will absolutely keep them—he takes his commitments seriously and he always does what he says he will. When he falls in love, he does not abandon his core values but he is willing to make some compromises. And he hides his better self and often wallows in self-destructive behavior because he feels deeply unworthy of love, which goes back to the intergenerational trauma he experienced as a child in an abusive home and the parental rejection he felt due to his sexuality.

Boston, by contrast, is a character who feels more rooted in reality. He’s a pampered rich kid who is indulged in his hobbies and who already has a life plan laid out for him and paid for by his daddy. He likes to sleep around mostly because it’s fun, and because he knows his life here is temporary so he doesn’t see any point in getting attached to people. In stark contrast to Brian’s out and proud and fuck you if you have a problem with it brand of politics, he is still trying to hide who he is in service of his father’s political career, even if he’s pretty sloppy about it (see him fucking Top in a car with giant windows parked in the driveway at a house party).

Boston’s moral code is fungible and ever-changing to fit his circumstances—boy is a hypocrite (see his opinions about people filming and photographing him even as he does the same to others constantly). He has no loyalty and no qualms about hurting and betraying his friends, and actively tries to destroy their relationships for sport or as a means to get what he wants. He does not feel responsible for anyone and often lies and ducks accountability for the things he does. He does not care about his community at all, and in fact already has a NYC escape hatch in his back pocket for when he inevitably burns his bridges. He is not as honest as Brian and sends a lot of mixed messages to keep people guessing and on the hook.

Rather than hurting people by being brutally honest as Brian does, Boston plays psychological games and manipulates his friends and lovers, and he seems to take twisted pleasure in blowing up their happiness. We haven’t seen him make a promise or fall in love, and while there are some signs that he may have some sort of inferiority complex at play (with Mew in particular), his motives are not tied to any past trauma. Boston is just a messy bitch who loves chaos and doesn’t really care who gets hurt as long as he gets what he wants and stays entertained. Where Brian is literally a superhero to his loved ones, Boston is just a very flawed human being.

But Shan, I hear you saying, I thought you liked Boston! I do, besties, I do. He’s a fantastic character and a very real kind of person many of us encounter in our 20s. Because that’s the thing: Boston is so young. He hasn’t developed any sense of responsibility to others or any understanding of the importance of queer community, and he has never had to take care of himself, which is perhaps the biggest difference between him and Brian. Brian has lived independently for more than a decade when we meet him in QaF, whereas Boston is a spoiled rich kid who has barely lived. Brian is a fully realized adult and his more nuanced characterization is a reflection of that; Boston is actually a pretty basic chaotic drama queen who will grow up eventually.

TL;DR: Aside from being promiscuous, Boston has very little in common with Brian Kinney. He is more a reflection of a very real kind of person you will meet on the scene in queer communities than an homage to a larger than life fictional QaF character. And while OF is absolutely referencing some of the themes and values and stylistic flourishes of QaF, it is not making direct parallels to its characters.

#did i write this mostly as an excuse to get brian kinney on this blog?#who can say #only friends the series #queer as folk #thai bl #ofts #only friends #ephemerality squad #shan shouts into the void

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waitmyturtles · 10 months

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TRIGGER WARNING! CONTINUED UNPOPULAR OPINIONS OF STEP BY STEP, EPISODE 10

Stop reading if you like it! Stop reading if you liked that episode! Stop it! SHOO! DON’T COME AT ME if you’re upset after reading this!

Okay.

In the words and paraphrases of my dear friend, @bengiyo:

Dick is not magical.

Dick cannot fix a drama.

(Ben also says: dick is abundant and low in value, lol, which doesn’t quite apply to this review, but I gotta share it out anyway, GOD BLESS YA, BEN, ILYSM.)

I’ve had my eye ever more trained on Step By Step, critically, since watching TharnType. I understand Tee Bundit criticized the BL industry with Lovely Writer, which I have yet to watch. But: regarding TharnType to Step By Step, I had accountability issues with Tee’s filmmaking and direction in TharnType anyway, besides the problematic content. (TharnType DID NOT DESERVE an hour-and-a-half finale.)

Y’all know I have been on my tip for a second about Tee’s filmmaking and direction for Step By Step -- my biggest issues being pacing and editing. These episodes did not have to be so damn long. They didn’t. I am still barely seeing a connection with the side stories and the main story of Pat and Jeng. Episode 8 was the tip of the iceberg for me.

Then episode 9 comes, and I feel -- and I know my dear mutual @lurkingshan was more critical of this -- that episode 9 HELPED get Pat in his words. I really appreciated that we spent some time with Pat verbalizing what was going on with him, his confusion at Jeng’s attraction to him.

But episode 9 ended with QUITE the emotional breakdown on Pat’s end with his parents. And then he’s laying in bed, surrounded by birthday snacks from Jeng. “It makes sense to me” -- Jeng’s attraction makes sense to JENG, but I didn’t get, at the end of episode 9, whether it made sense to PAT.

So we start Step By Step, episode 10, with Chot... scolding Pat. And telling Pat to run to Jeng. Okay.

At that moment in time: Pat may like Jeng. Pat IS upset that Jeng is likely leaving.

But is this a Pat that’s going to run to Jeng? Is that a mindset that I find convincing AT THAT VERY MOMENT?

CONSIDERING ALL OF THE CONFUSION WE WERE BEARING WITNESS TO IN THE LAST EPISODE, AND.... THE LAST NINE EPISODES???

And then... they boing? In the kitchen?

And then the car?

And they’re.... still working together?

And.... where are they in their relationship at this point? Because they’re in a RELATIONSHIP-RELATIONSHIP now?

And they’re.....fantasizing about getting married?

Tee Bundit. You and I are gonna have words. You need a fucking editor. You also need to listen to your team if your team was telling you to be more balanced in your filmmaking.

Dick is not magical. I love me some D. But not to make up for your RUSHED, UNVARNISHED, CHOPPY-ASS FILMMAKING.

I’m mad. There was so much potential here.

I just said to Ben in a DM: I did not find this to be a celebration of queer sex. I found this to be using queer sex as a method of cheating on bad filmmaking to rush a story. To rush a story that Tee KNEW he had to close a loop on -- Pat and Jeng’s intimacy -- because he KNEW the storyline had unwound for TOO DAMN LONG on Pat’s emotional processing, WITH NO CLEAR END. Dick is not magical. You can’t solve bad filmmaking with queer sex. That’s not where we’re at with BLs anymore.

This episode did Pat’s emotional processing dirty. To JUMP to the confession and the boing. AND: TO BE WORKING TOGETHER WHILE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. THEIR WORKING RELATIONSHIP was part of the reason why Pat couldn’t imagine them together in the first place! And we get NO processing on Pat’s end ABOUT THAT, in the end?

Dick is not magical.

Whew. Thank goodness for my OGMMTVC project. Without it, I wouldn’t be seeing that Tee Bundit repeated issues of bad filmmaking that I’m seeing in the earlier dramas. Tee -- you can’t use queer sex like that. Yes, Man and Ben are beautiful. I knew Man would act THE HELL out of intimacy, convincingly, and he did. I love them together.

But I find Pat totally unbelievable at this point. To gain such comfort in dating a superior in such a short amount of time on screen. Only to have a breakdown when co-workers are looking critically on it. To resigning.

Wow. Learn to pace, Tee. Please, for the sake of what could have been a totally fabulous and deeply interesting storyline.

This episode had so much potential.

I might have more later, but just.

#step by step #step by step meta #tee bundit #man trisanu #ben bunyapol #jeng x pat #pat x jeng #jengpat #i'm unfortunately NOT looking forward to lovely writer at the moment because of all of this #i'm resilient though and i know i'll calm down #but he used queer sex to save his own ass here #FUCK THAT NOISE

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myaphelion · 1 year

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“He’s Just Ken”: An Analysis of Plastic Professionals

so the barbie movie posters led me down a rabbit hole that i’m thrilled to share with y’all. i wondered... is ken really “just ken”? what are his careers like, as opposed to the eternal, ever-working barbie? and how is ken gendered in opposition to and in company with the plastic princess?

part one: career statistics, or, grind on my mind

the era i chose to focus on for this was 1980-2000. this is for a couple reasons--it’s the barbie era i’m most familiar with, it has a good amount of documentation, and most importantly, ken is present throughout all 20 years. if i focused on the earlier years of barbie, ken doesn’t show up until partway through; if i focused on the 2000s-2020s, say, ken is missing for a good handful of those years as well. in addition, these 20 years were the ones where barbie’s jobs became more of a focus; the early barbie years were far more focused on the fashion dream, and it was in the early 80s that the “we girls can do anything” slogan showed that mattel was pushing the brand to be about career and life goals, too.

let’s take a look at the charts...

these are the approximate numbers of barbie dolls released every year from 1980-2000, along with which dolls had a career and which dolls did not. i was a little loose with the data; “ballerina” counts as a career, while “princess” does not. in addition, i counted any doll named Barbie; this includes barbies who are of different ethnicities. barbie’s friends like kira and siblings like stacey did not count.

looking at this chart, it’s pretty clear that dolls without careers outnumber the ones with them. however, this is the case for most playline dolls, and one must also take into account the amount of collector’s releases that naturally tend more towards designer fashion instead. 1998 is an interesting year because there was a line of NBA basketball barbies released; this jacked up the career number significantly. sports is absolutely a job!

now, let’s have a look at ken:

less ken dolls are released yearly. this is just a fact. as much as it’s a joke, ken really is a barbie accessory, and he has been for a long time. he’s no gi joe with his own line--he’s meant to be barbie’s boyfriend, not really his own person. what’s interesting, however, is the proportion of ken dolls with careers vs. barbie dolls. even taking into account the fact less ken dolls are released, more ken dolls have careers than barbie dolls.

here, let me show you some pie charts for a better idea:

“this still isn’t a fair comparison!” i hear you cry. i get it! i understand! it was very bizarre for me to see this, too. proportionally, 6% isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but it’s still... weird to see ken having a greater number of dolls with careers than barbie.

which led me to look at the second part of this analysis.

part two: gender roles, or, i am a girl like you

barbie and ken are heavily gendered in a societally-’appropriate’ fashion. this is obvious from the brand’s marketing, from the girl toys aisle being named the ‘pink aisle’ in honour of the famed ‘barbie pink’, from how much the barbie line focuses on fashion and style. but... the careers barbie and ken have. how much are these gendered, exactly?

n.b.: i’m trans and queer so the next few categories might seem weird to some, but i grew up in a ciscentric society with a ciscentric view of gender roles, so here we are.

i divided the job categories into three types: traditionally masculine jobs: things like the army, an astronaut, a doctor. if your first image when you think of the job is a man, it goes here. traditionally feminine jobs: things like a skater, a ballerina, a teacher. same as above--if you think of a woman first, it goes here. gender neutral jobs: this might be a hazy category, but jobs like singer/rock star, veterinarian, and movie star go here. these jobs are less or entirely ungendered in north american society, and therefore one might think of a man or woman equally.

charts again!

(i totally changed the fem jobs to pink because well. it’s barbie)

this is where things got interesting for me. barbie and ken both have a very high percentage of traditionally masculine jobs. It’s less surprising that ken has more neutral-leaning jobs than feminine, and barbie has more feminine than neutral, but the amount of traditionally masculine jobs barbie herself has surprised me. despite knowing full well how many jobs barbie has had over the years, it still surprised me that jobs like paratrooper and doctor dominated over jobs like fashion designer and ballet dancer.

part three: conclusions, or, there’s nothing we can’t do

so what can we draw from this?

firstly: ken may be an accessory, but he isn’t really just ken. proportionally, he has about the same number of jobs as barbie per release, if not more. he’s not the himbo hanging off barbie’s arm we’ve all been led to believe he is by the memes and jokes, even if it is still funny to call him barbie’s trophy husband/boyfriend. he might be ‘just ken’, but ‘just ken’ is as capable as barbie is on his best days.

secondly: barbie herself is not as highly gendered in terms of workplace environments as one might think. she’s a legally blonde type; she might be pink and pretty, but that doesn’t mean she’s to be underestimated. mattel has given her a higher percentage of traditionally masculine jobs than might be usual for a playline doll directed at girls, and i genuinely have to applaud them for that. barbie is for every girl, even the ones who don’t have traditionally feminine interests.

thirdly: they better use this info in the barbie movie

references and works used

Sarasohn-Kahn, Jane, and Jane Sarasohn-Kahn. Contemporary Barbie Dolls: 1980 and Beyond. Antique Trader Books, 1998.

Toy Sisters. Toy Sisters: "Pink Aisle" Toy Guides, 11 Sept. 2022, https://www.toysisters.com/.

#barbie #barbie dolls #barbie movie #toy essay #jesus this took a bit

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joshuadunshua · 6 months

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I make a joke sometimes that my cis boyfriend is lesbian coded because not only is his girlfriend a lesbian but also because in both of his relationships he didn’t realize he was doing the dating thing until he was in the thick of it like “wait…. Are we dating?” and also because he’s been told he fucks like a lesbian.

More than once though, from fellow trans people no less, the response to my good natured tomfoolery has been to make an egg joke back. I cannot express how fucking upsetting this has been. My boyfriend is a man. He’s a cis, queer man. He’s very comfortable as a man. He isn’t even really gender non-conforming in any significant way. And none of the people who responded this way have even fucking met him. But they think it’s fine to suggest he’s a closeted transfemme based on my single joke about being a lesbian coded cis man. A joke that, for my part, relies on absolutely nothing that would actually be an indication of gender expression or gender identity or anything. All three reasons I make the joke are directly about interactions he’s had with lesbians, only one of which also happens to double as a silly little stereotype.

Im certain that only reasons people feel safe making the egg joke back are because, one, they don’t value his queer manhood—he’s a great human being who has done a fuckton of work (and continues to) on unlearning toxic masculinity bullshit and I say he’s lesbian coded? Well, all great lesbian-coded people who aren’t toxically masculine must be women, either obviously or secretly. And because two, they have some fucked up internalized transmisogynistic stereotype beliefs. That you can identify a closeted transfemme based on things like how good the “””man””” in question is to women or how well does he confront and eschew toxic masculinity or how many qualities does he have that I think are good (which I will now conflate wholly with femininity for some monstrous fucking reason) or, apparently, even just whether someone is willing to make a fucking joke with the word lesbian in it about him. But also the transmisogynistic belief that trans women are somehow more pure or more good or more safe than cis men to the point that good fucking cisgender men who are comfortable in their manhood and masculinity are being understood as trans women who haven’t figured it out yet. Do you understand how vile this one is? Because this one is radfem rhetoric.

Stop making fucking egg jokes about cis queer men. I am not asking. Cut it the fuck out. Someone making a joke about how my boyfriend must actually be a woman just because I joked about him being lesbian-coded (again, based on his HUMOROUS REAL LIFE EXPERIENCES) is just as fucking invalidating to his gender as would be telling me that that must actually make me a woman since he’s also dating me. So let me make this clear—my boyfriend and I are faggots together. I’m gay as fuck for him and he’s gay as fuck for me. Do you at least see the transphobia and queerphobia now? Do you see how fucked up it is now?

Cis queer men who are good fucking people, and cis queer men who have undeniably queer relationships with queer women, even (especially?) lesbian women, are not secretly fucking trans women. They’re cis queer men, and life is kinda messy because humans are messy. And sometimes a lesbian falls for the cisgender queer as hell man and still considers herself a lesbian, because let’s be honest, her relationship with this cis man is not a fucking straight relationship. Y’all have got to be more normal about cis queer men.

#I’m so over it!!!!!!!! my boyfriend isn’t a woman!!! good fucking grief!!!!

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waitingforeddyneddy · 11 months

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I am that last anon and I wasn’t being shady towards her? I am sorry you felt that way but I wasn’t blaming her - only those deranged anons?

Its a fact that she doesnt comment on his social media while he likes her posts - and that’s absolutely fine! She is not obligated to like/comment but nor is he. I was calling out the double standards of the haters, not blaming her for anything!

And again - would you expect Simone to name drop Jonny in an interview about her experiences as a WOC? No! So I was yet again calling out the double standards of expecting Jonny to name drop her in his interview about his experiences as a gay man. That’s literally it.

I wasn’t putting the blame on Simone AT ALL. This is not her fault, but of the weird anons who created a ruckus yesterday.

And this is about homophobia, not babying a white man because we felt like it. I am a queer desi - a living breathing Indian woman who is also queer - so I care about them both EQUALLY.

I hope that clears it up.

All I’m saying some of you were too quick to be shady towards Simone to “defend” Jonny. You can defend him without dragging her into this mess. And the way some people were jumping at the opportunity to dismiss what was done to Simone during season two promotion and production as “crazy conspiracy theories” is a familiar pattern most wocs in Hollywood go through. Simone was not treated fairly by some of her cast members of Bridgerton, and I’m not scared to say Jonathan Bailey is included. That doesn’t mean he should be attacked for who he is or that what happens on Instagram is a reflection of real life because at the end of the day it’s not our business. All this to say it’s not surprising some of you are quick to baby a white man and show some internal resentment towards Simone.

And the people getting butthurt about this need to cry about it. There is a difference between saying “I don’t personally like the way he behaved towards Simone last year” and feeling entitled about what he does with his social media and what he says in his interviews to the point of harassing a blogger with anon messages. It’s just so pathetic the way y’all are quick to drag Simone and say “WhAT aBoUt SiMoNe NeVeR liKiNg hIs PoStS!” the urge to baby the white man who needs no protection and be shady towards Simone is not it 🫥

#Bridgerton #simone ashley #jonathan bailey

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sleepyendymion · 2 years

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MAJOR Volume 2 spoilers and unorganized thoughts below the cut. Like, seriously unorganized

Fucking god damnit

As soon as they had Eddie start to get all sappy with Dustin I fucking knew they were gonna kill him. I am so pissed about that. What kind of psychopath creates a character that is absolutely ADORED by the fan base, only to kill them off???

Although I guess they wrapped up filming before volume 1 came out so they couldn’t have known… I’m still pissed though

And the queer baiting??? What the fuck man? I thought Will was gonna open up to Jonathan and we were gonna have a sweet heart to heart but nooooo.

“We’re gonna kill 5 important characters” bitch you had us thinking you were gonna kill all of our faves but then you go and kill the two biggest douchebags and the best fucking character? I’m done. I’m fucking done

Okay angry ranting aside, I did like how they filmed everything. Story fucking sucked but those camera angles and scene cuts??? Beautiful. Truly beautiful. I fucking love film nerd shit even though I know nothing about it and that was LIT

Also, did y’all SEE how Eddie’s fingers flew across that guitar??? Makes me wonder what else those fingers are good for if you know what I mean.

I am in denial and I have decided that Eddie is alive. He got hurt pretty bad, but he’s in the hospital right now and the government came in and cleared his name. Everything is fine

#stranger things

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harrypotterfuryroad · 2 years

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y’all do realize queer people aren’t straight lmao. i use the term queer for myself bc i don’t like to put a label on who i’m attracted towards. i’ve been attracted to the same sex all of my life and identified as lesbian for years, and only recently questioned if i am on one level attracted towards the opposite. most people use queer because label discourse is absolute fucking hell and it’s easier to use a broad term to show you are lgbtq+ while not being forced into labels. sexuality isn’t always cut and dry, some people are just attracted to the same sex and it’s fine, while some have complex relationships to sexuality and don’t want to have to deal with that. nobody is forcing you to identify as queer. you only identify with it if you want to. also the whole fucking slur thing? guess how many terms for sexualities that are commonplace were originally slurs 🥺🥺 you can be uncomfortable with the term queer. i know some people are uncomfortable with some labels. but you don’t get to police people based on your relationship with the word queer. i don’t understand why this is such a big deal, identify how you want, but don’t pretend all queer people are just straight ppl forcing themselves into lgbtq+ spaces because the vast majority of us are not

that’s a lot of words for someone who basically agrees with me, but sure let’s do this

my basic stance is the same as yours, people who are same-sex attracted get to self-label as queer while keeping in mind that others might be uncomfortable with it so they should avoid preemptively applying it to other people. straight people don’t get to use it, and corporations don’t get to print it on shirts. i understand the value of the term queer as like a grouping of distinct communities that share important features

y’all do realize queer people aren’t straight lmao.

sure but when the definition is getting diluted from “same-sex attracted” to “anything between a woman who exclusively dates women and a man who says he’s queer because his attraction to women feels queer” we’re beginning to run into problems

i use the term queer for myself bc i don’t like to put a label on who i’m attracted towards. i’ve been attracted to the same sex all of my life and identified as lesbian for years, and only recently questioned if i am on one level attracted towards the opposite.

cool we have words for both of those outcomes already

most people use queer because label discourse is absolute fucking hell and it’s easier to use a broad term to show you are lgbtq+ while not being forced into labels

sure i agree with this basically, i get wanting to keep things open while figuring stuff out, but that’s not really where we run into problems with “queer”

sexuality isn’t always cut and dry, some people are just attracted to the same sex and it’s fine, while some have complex relationships to sexuality and don’t want to have to deal with that

so this i think is where you were misunderstanding me initially. i’m not attaching value judgments to the words “gay” or “lesbian.” they’re descriptive words with clear definitions. i get that the words themselves might be loaded or uncomfortable for people - which is why those people get to id as queer - but since they’re ssa already it’s not an issue

nobody is forcing you to identify as queer. you only identify with it if you want to

tell that to the people who called me queer when i’ve never used that word for myself and asked those same people not to use it for me. if your kneejerk response is “well those people are just rude” i’ll remind you that what you said is that nobody is doing this

also the whole fucking slur thing? guess how many terms for sexualities that are commonplace were originally slurs 🥺🥺

one

the other words you’re alluding to are either not terms for sexualities or were never slurs

you can be uncomfortable with the term queer. i know some people are uncomfortable with some labels. but you don’t get to police people based on your relationship with the word queer

again, i’m not policing people labeling themselves, i’m setting boundaries about how people label me. saying a straight person isn’t queer isn’t policing, it’s basic understanding of a definition. if someone says a five-sided shape isn’t a square they’re not policing the shape’s identity, they’re just correct

i don’t understand why this is such a big deal, identify how you want, but don’t pretend all queer people are just straight ppl forcing themselves into lgbtq+ spaces because the vast majority of us are not

yeah it’s cool if the majority of people self labeling as queer aren’t straight people forcing themselves into lgbt spaces. that’s why everything i say about the use of the word queer is in the context of the straight people who *are* doing that. like, explicitly and intentionally. if you agree that queer means “not straight” but your framework of queerness doesn’t reliably filter out straight people (which it doesn’t and it’s not really useful to deny that - this all started with you getting mad at me for saying that straight people shouldn’t self label as queer) then you don’t have a good definition

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no-vamos · 2 years

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Lolzies (I should not be lolzie-ing about this but here we are) I have such bad internalized biphobia

And it really sucks bc

I’m bisexual

I know think Im bisexual

And by internalized biphobia I mean

I’ve been ”involved” in the lgbtq+ community since I was 12~ or so and just

I’ve really wanted to feel like I “fit in” if that makes sense?

Like I hate heteronormativity and I’m still growing and learning and sometimes I tend to overcorrect my beliefs to the point that there’re times where im like “it’s not ‘physically’ acceptable for me to be in a ‘het’ relationship bc then im not queer”

Which in and of itself is a stupid mindset bc if I grow up and learn I am lying to myself (panics) and I am actually straight (WHICH ISNT A BAD THING EITHER), then that’s going to be a super painful realization. And from that you can also see this whole “what if this is all just a phase” as if that’s a bad thing? Like

Ugh this is also just a me thing where im such a people pleaser and like “ahhhh straight people don’t like gay people and gay people don’t like straight people so that means I have to be both AND neither at the same time”

If it’s not clear by this point I have identity issues but I also mentioned I am still growing and maturing so 🤷‍♀️

So yea I overcompensate for that mindset by, with my current knowledge of my attraction, being attracted to (unsure amount of genders bc I have no game lol)(but more than just my opposite gender on the “binary” spectrum (also I should really talk about my desire to destroy the thought that it’s a binary spectrum and instead replace it with like a circular or cubic spectrum if that makes any sense? lol another time)) and also despising the fact that I can’t just be attracted to “one” gender

So now I sit here, with my bundles of internalized biphobia, being terrified of the fact that if I fall in love with a man I’ll be “less queer/not queer enough” and if I fall in love with literally anyone not a cis man I’ll be disappointing my entire bloodline. Which is kinda like whatever but I can’t not rely on my family rn. And also it would crush me if they didn’t accept me argh

So that aside. I don’t like. People.

Politely, I don’t really enjoy any of the online communities for literally anything bc there will always be that one person or that small group that is/are just. Assholes. Huge fucking assholes. A terf ig (idk why I don’t really like using that word. It’s seems really overused to me nowadays)

This includes. Literally any community. High key hate the internet bc I need in person communities and I don’t fucking have them

And I need

Physical beings in front of me, not physical beings through dots of electricity portrayed on glass coming from physical people very far away

None of you know me

At least people irl can see me

The queer community is biphobic. Bisexuals (especially on tiktok) are biphobic. Any radfem wlw is biphobic. Fucking ME IM BIPOBIC TOWARDS MYSELF

Just

Why are we still in a world where (lolzies I really don’t mean to makes this about me but it’s late and I’m trying to cope somehow) I am terrified of loving, not bc I’m terrified of love, but bc I’m terrified of being excluded from the communities I want to feel like I belong in.

Also I fuckjng hate labels sometimes

I have the weird idealized future where I’ll go to college and be around “likeminded” people who are just. Accepting.

Like I read this fanfic once. Where one of the characters was just like. “Yea fuck it dude. No matter how you explain your identity or attraction I’m never going to truly understand it but I love you bc you’re human and my friend and I want to learn how to support you in a way that makes you comfortable”

Is it bad that I feel like I don’t have a person like that in my life? Bc yea I could be that person for me. But I just spent this entire post trying to explain to y’all how my internalized biphobia is really painful and this wasn’t explained but it stems from insecurities and comparison issues and my overwhelming inferiority complex which constantly puts me in the losers bracket.

But hehe ig happy pride you wonderful losers. Y’all are human and pls pls pls for the love of god and all that is holy love each other

#biphobia #internalized homophobia #internalized heterophobia #am i allowed to say that #can I say that heterophobia can be a thing and is very possibly becoming a thing?#not in like an exclusionary way #like heterosexual people are oppressed in any way shape or form #they never truly are #but when you’re coming to terms with yourself and the space you found yourself comfortable in “hates the relationships you want to be in????#lolzies #don’t really know where I was going with that #pls don’t get offended #i genuinely mean no harm #if you are offended #pls don’t attack me #i already feel like shit #bisexual #bi problems #pls think about these things #pls just love people for being human #the world really sucks rn #forever and always ig #but make it better for someone #even if you literally hate their guts #have some compassion #i’m almost done #I’m also really sorry #bc I am super privileged #i know that #and that probably doesn’t help my case

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hiking-the-alpines · 11 months

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Christianity is synonymous with "spreading God's word" and you want to complain that this LGBT+ stuff is being shoved down your throat? Come on, there are literally countries who have been colonized and cultures destroyed because the very religion that you are basing your ideology on. Do some inner reflection, ask yourself why you're truly uncomfortable. Because it's obvious that it's not just because it's being shoved down your throat.

You’re right. It’s not just because LGBT is being shoved down my throat why I’m uncomfortable with it. Am I annoyed? Yeah. But not made uncomfortable simply because of that.

I am only uncomfortable with the LGBT community only when they or people supporting them have POWER over me.

What I mean is, I will give a few examples:

New Years Eve 2022: I was staying at a friend’s house a few days. She’s queer, I’m not. We’re both okay with that. Two of her friends came over, also queer. I have absolutely no problem with that. The only reason why I was uncomfortable was because they were openly discussing the queer situations, laws, capitalism, and evangelical issues in the US. I also have no problem with them discussing queer situations and capitalism. The only reason why I was made uncomfortable was because they were openly discriminating and kind of belittling Christians. I wanted to speak up, but didn’t because I was afraid I would be thrown out on the streets and banned from her place.

Sky (some month I forget) 2023: I was doing a reset cr with some friends. First geyser, cr sanct then cr forest and granny. We were chilling at granny, burning buns when one of them openly discriminated against Christians. They did not know I was a Christian and I was afraid if I spoke up, that they all could’ve reported my account and got me banned. I’ll tell y’all what happened: I did eventually reveal I was a Christian and got blocked by all of them on Sky.

June-Sept 2023: I finally FINALLY found a job praise the Lord. In the online training, we are told we are required to use a person’s chosen pronouns. Staff are to go in the bathroom of the gender they IDENTIFY as. I, as a Christian, will not be using cross-six pronouns nor any of the neo-pronouns because in my religion, neo-pronouns cannot be a thing because God created man and woman. I, a woman, will also be VERY UNCOMFORTABLE if a man who identified as a woman walked into the women’s bathroom while I was using it. I can be fired from my job (and most if not all of you will probably say ‘yeah, fire her ass already!’), but I think my case is made clear. If any of these two situations come up, I will have to take it up with my manager and explain, which might get my ass fired.

And if you are cheering for all these things: yeah, throws her out of the house because she’s a Christian! Yeah get her sky account banned because she’s a Christian! Yeah, get her ass fired because she’s a Christian!

This is why I’m uncomfortable with the LGBT community: discrimination for and ONLY because of my beliefs. What happened to diversity and inclusion?

Certainly, if this were the other way around. If you were surrounded by people who are openly discriminating queer people and possibly get your ass fired/thrown out of the house, you guys would be made uncomfortable too? Same thing here.

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princessmuk · 3 years

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Didn’t want to derail that last post but I think the treatment of trans men is heavily intertwined with the entire “men are trash” brand of feminism.

Like, yeah, the phrase is supposed to mean the patriarchy is trash. The bad men are trash. Good, feminist men should just understand that the phrase doesn’t apply to them. Oh, but, also, that they need to always keep it in mind and be aware of their privilege. In short, it’s there to remind them that as men, they are inherently bad.

Men are not inherently bad. Women are not inherently good. And as much as TERFs and even good feminists like to pretend men are just unfixable monsters, that does absolutely nothing to help feminism. It doesn’t make men want to do better, it makes them feel like shit and alienates them, AND gives them an excuse to not even attempt to change! It doesn’t help women who have been hurt by men, it just gives them something mean and quippy to say in a attempt to hurt men like they’ve been hurt.

YES, men as a group hold a privilege women do not. YES, the misogynistic society we live in benefits men, no matter if they themselves are misogynists or not. Men SHOULD be aware of their privilege. They SHOULD strive to do better. They SHOULD hold each other accountable, because often times men will only listen to other men.

But “men are trash”? No. Men are beautiful. Men are kind. Men are passionate. Men are devoted. Men are brave. Men are so many things, good and bad, and you can’t lump all men together and just say they’re bad. “Not all men” is stupid, too — YES all men, because all men benefit and all men are a part of the problem if they aren’t directly combating it — but it also speaks to how the feminist movement appears to men. They feel attacked. They feel worthless. And I don’t want to coddle them, we do have valid criticisms we need to air, and it might hurt them to hear it. But I have a major problem when men — cis, trans, whatever — internalize that they are worthless, or bad, or ugly, or unlovable.

I have a problem when trans men are alienated from their own community because they have some sort of privilege. News flash, trans people don’t just pick up the privileges of their gender. Trans men who don’t pass DEFINITELY don’t get male privilege bestowed upon them, and trans men who do can still get attacked, discriminated against, etc. etc. JUST LIKE TRANS WOMEN.

Men: I love you. I love you so much. Your opinions matter. Your experiences matter. Your struggles matter. Your emotions matter. There are times you need to step aside and give the floor to others. There are times you need to listen rather than speak. But you should not be silenced. You should not be painted as a monster just because of your gender. Don’t hate yourself for being a man. A real feminist would tell you that THAT is exactly the opposite of what this movement is trying to achieve.

Love yourself. Love your body. Love your gender. Love your community. Love men, love women, love whoever.

Men are good. Trans men are good.

#my post #this is not very well organized or well put but #I needed to get this out #this also ties into the whole bi women can’t like men thing #like shut the fuck up I love men #do they scare me sometimes? obviously #as a woman I am always on guard #but I’m NOT going to hate someone just because they’re a man #likewise I’m not going to excuse shitty behavior from men either!!! they do need to do better as a whole #but men should never feel bad about being a man because they’ve been taught being a man is bad #also to be clear trans men are men I just specifically mentioned them at times to remind y’all what the point of this is #which is that trans men are not being treated right!!!#trans men #feminism #lgbtq #lgbtq community #queer issues #queer community #terfs don’t interact #terfs aren't feminists

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moiraineswife · 3 years

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Autistic Allegories in Renarin’s Arc - Meta

s’up y’all, your favourite local rambler is back at it again. Diving straight in to this one. The motivation for this post is something that might be controversial, and I’m going to try and explain it as clearly as I can and make my intentions clear, but I get this is the internet and things get misinterpreted to fuck.

So, since Renarin was confirmed to be a queer character, I’ve seen a lot of posts and takes on pretty much every platform I frequent that equates all of Renarin’s traits/struggles in canon as being foreshadowing/parallels to his queer identity and experience.

I get this. I’m also queer. I understand the instinct to take, say, Renarin’s corrupted spren bond and his desire to keep his nature as a Radiant hidden/his lack of understanding initially and assume it to be queer foreshadowing/parallel. I big get that. And that’s not a bad interpretation.

The problem is, this is the ONLY interpretation people put forth. They ignore things explicitly said/connections made in canon to Renarin being autistic and say ‘this is it. this is what this means. it’s about him being gay’. When, actually, a good chunk of it is about his experience as an autistic man in an allistic society. Which I think is what Brandon wants to explore/has set up in the text.

So I decided to look at this in more depth from an autistic perspective - some of the moments that most clearly parallel Renarin’s autistic experience and explain how and why this is a thing, and hopefully just highlight this aspect of his character and explain things to folks.

Renarin’s Blade Screaming

Jumping right into it then: Renarin’s bond with Glys is very clearly paralleled with his autism. The text outlines this connection multiple times throughout the series, and explores it in interesting ways.

First up, Renarin first revealing himself as a Truthwatcher makes this pretty clear:

“And the Shardblade,” Dalinar said, stepping over and taking his son by the shoulder. “You hear screams. That’s what happened to you in the arena. You couldn’t fight because of those shouts in your head from summoning the Blade. Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought it was me,” Renarin whispered. “My mind. But Glys, he says . . .” Renarin blinked. “Truthwatcher.” (WoR)

“Adolin,” he said softly. “I … um … I have to give you back the Shardblade you won for me.”

“Why?” Adolin said.

“It hurts to hold,” Renarin said. “It always has, to be honest. I thought it was just me, being strange. But it’s all of us.”

“Radiants, you mean.”

He nodded. (Oathbringer)

Renarin didn’t explain to his father or the others what was happening to him because he thought it was part of his autistic experience.

Being autistic you get used to experiencing a lot of in-brain things and not realising that other people don’t experience them, too. I have hypersensitivity to sound. I can hear things other people don’t, because their brains naturally filter them out - like electronics whining.

The experience of having a Shardblade scream inside your head is actually a pretty great parallel for sensory overload. It’s something intense, something frightening, and overwhelming, and even painful. But Renarin just endures it without comment because that’s what we’re conditioned to do.

“A group of shellheads tried to seize one of the bridges, Brightlord,” the bridgeman said softly. “Brightlord Renarin insisted on going to help. Sir, we tried hard to dissuade him. Then, when he got near and summoned his Blade, he just kind of . . . stood there. We got him away, sir, but he’s been sitting on that rock ever since.”

[...]

“I just stood there,” Renarin said. “I wasn’t frozen because of my . . . ailment. I’m just a coward.”

When Adolin hears about Renarin freezing up he assumes that he had a fit. Renarin corrects him on this, once he’s verbal again, but says that he was just a coward.

He froze up once he summoned his Blade. Because it would have started screaming in his head and this was overwhelming. When other Radiants have experienced this on-screen the screaming has been so intense they immediately dropped or dismissed the Blade, unable to hold it.

From this, I infer that Renarin believes everyone experiences this when they fight with a Shardblade. He doesn’t realise that it’s strange for him because he’s a Radiant. He thinks everyone experiences it, but they push through and overcome it. He can’t, and instead of thinking something strange is going on, he assumes that it’s a weakness of his and that he’s a coward.

This is a fairly common autistic experience. Why can’t you just get over this? Why is that overwhelming you? Just ignore the sound. Just ignore the lights. Stop being so weak/oversensitive.

That’s what Renarin thinks is happening. That’s why he doesn’t examine his experiences more closely, and realise he’s a Radiant. He thinks it’s part of him being autistic, and that he’s just being overly sensitive, until Glys is able to communicate with him and explain he’s a Truthwatcher.

The Rhyshadium Don’t Fit

“They don’t fit, you know.”

“Don’t fit?”

“Ryshadium have stone hooves,” Renarin said, “stronger than ordinary horses’. Never need to be shod.”

“And that makes them not fit? I’d say that makes them fit better.…” Adolin eyed Renarin. “You mean ordinary horses, don’t you?”

Renarin blushed, then nodded. (Oathbringer)

This, for me, is one of the most direct and obvious parallel between Renarin’s experience as an autistic man, and his experience as a Radiant.

Firstly, he comments on the Rhyshadium ‘not fitting’ with ordinary horses. They’re different. They have different hooves, which means they never need to be shod, like regular horses. In this case, being shod is something all horses do. It’s something natural for them, and the Rhyshadium not having it makes them stand out. This is similar to Renarin’s experience in society and in life.

The Rhyshadium are sometimes called ‘the third shard’ - they’re tied to the Radiants and to Stormlight. Renarin aligning himself with them, and his not fittng with them not fitting, mirrors his being Radiant stopping him from fitting in as he wants to.

A big part of his arc is his desire to fit in somewhere. His integration with Bridge Four is a huge boost to his confidence. He asks to join them to try and find somewhere to belong. The bridgemen are outcasts. They’re people who don’t fit in society, either, for various different reasons. Renarin fits with them, therefore, because he doesn’t fit elsewhere.

When he starts becoming a Radiant, and a different type of Radiant to the others, he starts to worry again. He worries that, yet again, he’s different for reasons he cannot control, and he’s worried the bridgemen will abandon or reject him as has happened frequently in noble society.

“So why are you embarrassed?”

“I’m … not?”

Adolin gave him a flat stare.

Renarin dismissed the Blade. “I simply … Adolin, I was starting to fit in. With Bridge Four, with being a Shardbearer. Now, I’m in the darkness again. Father expects me to be a Radiant, so I can help him unite the world. But how am I supposed to learn?”

Adolin scratched his chin with his good hand. “Huh. I assumed that it just kind of came to you. It hasn’t?”

“Some has. But it … frightens me, Adolin.” He held up his hand, and it started to glow, wisps of Stormlight trailing off it, like smoke from a fire. “What if I hurt someone, or ruin things?”

The conversation continues, and further solidifies the connection between the Rhyshadium not fitting with other horses, and Renarin not fitting in with other people.

He had become a Shardbearer, and was starting to fight and do what an Alethi man is expected to do in society. Go to war with Shards, with glory, etc etc etc. That didn’t quite work out.

For Renarin, whenever he gets closer to assimilating with the standard society and expectations, something happens to stop him. Initially it’s his epilepsy. He has fits, and his chronic illness makes him generally weaker and more frail, meaning that he can’t fight.

Once he’s given Shards to help mitigate those factors, he can’t use the Shards because his Radiant bond makes them scream inside his head. Again stopping him from fighting and becoming a soldier.

He then goes on to tell Adolin that he doesn’t really know how to Radiant. And Adolin says that he thought it would just come to him/he would instinctively know, but he doesn’t.

This is, again, a very classic autism thing. We struggle with doing things that allistic people find instinctive, and don’t need to be actively taught - such as reading and projecting the correct body language.

Adolin, who takes very naturally to all this stuff, just assumes that Renarin’s Radianting would just come to him, and Renarin has to explain that actually no, it hasn’t. This literally cannot get any clearer in forging an obvious link between his autism and his Radiant abilities.

Renarin’s ‘Corrupted’ Bond:

“What’s wrong with me?” Renarin asked. “Why do I see these things? I thought I was doing something right, with Glys, but somehow it’s all wrong.…” (Oathbringer)

[...]

“Does it strike you as cruel of fate, Father? My blood sickness gets healed, so I can finally be a soldier like I always wanted. But that same healing has given me another kind of fit. More dangerous than the other by far.” (Rhythm of War)

[...]

Lopen called out, asking Renarin to “look into the future and find out if I beat Huio at cards tomorrow.” It seemed a little crass to Dalinar, bringing up his son’s strange disorder, but Renarin took it with a chuckle.

[...]

It would be so much easier if he were like other Radiants. (RoW)

[...]

“And a blackness interfering, marring the beauty of the window. Like a sickness infecting both of you, at the edges.”

“Curious,” Dalinar said, looking where Renarin had pointed, though he’d see only empty air. “I wonder if we’ll ever know what that represents.”

“Oh, that one’s easy, Father,” Renarin said. “That’s me.”

“Renarin, I don’t think you should see yourself as—”

“You needn’t try to protect my ego, Father. When Glys and I bonded, we became … something new. We see the future. At first I was confused at my place—but I’ve come to understand. What I see interferes with Odium’s ability. Because I can see possibilities of the future, my knowledge changes what I will do. Therefore, his ability to see my future is obscured. Anyone close to me is difficult for him to read.”

“I find that comforting,” Dalinar said, putting his arm around Renarin’s shoulders. “Whatever you are, son, it’s a blessing. You might be a different kind of Radiant, but you’re Radiant all the same. You shouldn’t feel you need to hide this or your spren.”

Renarin ducked his head, embarrassed. His father knew not to touch him too quickly, too unexpectedly, so it wasn’t the arm around his shoulders. It was just that … well, Dalinar was so accustomed to being able to do whatever he wanted. He had written a storming book.

Renarin held no illusions that he would be similarly accepted. He and his father might be of similar rank, from the same family, but Renarin had never been able to navigate society like Dalinar did. True, his father at times “navigated” society like a chull marching through a crowd, but people got out of the way all the same.

Not for Renarin. The people of both Alethkar and Azir had thousands of years training them to fear and condemn anyone who claimed to be able to see the future. They weren’t going to put that aside easily, and particularly not for Renarin. (RoW)

Sorry for the quote barrage, but there was really no other way to do this, and I think it makes a nice little arc in how Renarin sees himself and his bond to Glys and, by extension, his autism.

In the temple, with Jasnah, he considers it to be something wrong. He’d thought he was finally fitting in, being like everyone else, doing something “right” but it turns out his bond is of Odium, and while he thought he fit with the others, he doesn’t. Again.

The RoW segments are what’s most interesting to me, because what we see here, I think, is Dalinar experiencing Renarin’s ‘disorder’ as he calls it and processing it/coming to terms with it in a way a lot of parents approach their kids’ autism. But this is a bit more approachable/less painful to look at because he’s considering him being a weird glowing power ranger, and not an autistic kid. Easier to examine more honestly.

So first of all Renarin, again, calls a direct link between his bond and his autism. The ‘healing’ that came with his bond gave him another kind of otherness. Another way he can’t be a soldier - which, for Renarin, in Alethi society, means him being like everyone else. I was going to go into this more here but this thing is already long as fuck, but in a nutshell being a soldier is Renarin’s dream because that’s him being “normal” and being like everyone else, which fate always conspires to stop him from being.

In Alethi society the peak of masculinity and of fitting in to the social order, which revolves around war and glory and battle courage blah blah blah - is being a soldier and fighting. Which Renarin has never been able to do. Which his father has always wanted him to do - wihich Renarin knows.

A lot of allistic people, especially allistic parents, think their autistic kids won’t pick up on their blatant ‘oh my god I wish my kid was normal’ vibes. They do. BELIEVE ME they do. This is a good little nod to that. Dalinar has never outright looked at Renarin and said ‘I want you to be a soldier to be worthy of my love and respect’ but it’s what Renarin grew up knowing and seeing from him.

The evolution of that through exploring Dalinar’s attitude to Renarin being bonded with an Odium-aligned spren is...Utterly fascinating, to say the least.

Here, for example, Dalinar sees it as a “strange disorder”. When Renarin calls a spade a spade and just goes ‘yeah no that weird thing right there that makes you comfortable? That’s me, buddy, get used to it’. Which is just. Absolutely effervescent. There’s a big instinct allistic people have to dance around autistic people. So many innuendos. So many fluffy phrase that I hate. “On the spectrum.” “On the autism spectrum”. “Differently abled” “Sees the world differently.” Just call me autistic and let me move on with life I do not have time to deal with your internalised issues.

He kind of comes around on it and gives him the whole “you might be a different Radiant but you’re still a Radiant to me, son”. Replace the word Radiant here with person and you’ll have a conversation I’ve experienced so many times. “Just because you’re a weird person doesn’t mean you’re not still a person!” Why thank you for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed....Thank you for validating my humanity to my face?? As though I needed you to do that?

Contrast this with Renarin’s cheerful acceptance (ABSOLUTELY STUNNING DEVELOPMENT, HELL YES) - ‘yeah no that weird thing right there is me’. I cheered, dear reader, I CHEERED. It’s a little thing but it’s also a very very big thing.

So is Lopen making light of things - in a way that laughs with Renarin and not at him - wanting him to predict the outcome of his card game. Renarin laughs at this, and is obviously comfortable with the jokes and the camaraderie. Dalinar winces at this and thinks that it shouldn’t be made fun of this way, that it’s crass or wrong, Renarin has a disorder, it makes him weird and delicate, people shouldn’t joke around him with that, it’s not right. But Renarin is comfortable with it, and the Bridgemen are comfortable with him, which Dalinar obviously isn’t - though I get that he’s trying to go there.

Then, again, we draw a very direct parallel between Renarin’s Radiant experience othering him socially and autism othering a person socially. Absolutely exquisitely done mister sando, very nice indeed.

Renarin notes that there are ways to go through society. It’s nice to be like Dalinar and have the clout to buck the expectations, and not do what you’re supposed to, and still get away with it. Isn’t that nice? Bitch wrote and published a book and he’s still seen as masculine and worthy of respect and being yielded too.

Remember that Renarin can read and write as well - he learned so he could interpret his visions. But he hasn’t shared that with people. Because he knows that it won’t be accepted the way Dalinar was.

Sanderson sets up this idea rather nicely in Oathbringer, actually, with the scribes meeting.

Renarin glanced at his father. Dalinar responded with a raised fist.

He came so Renarin wouldn’t feel awkward, Shallan realized. It can’t be improper or feminine for the prince to be here if the storming Blackthorn decides to attend.

This part has always made my heart happy. Because it’s not just about Dalinar validating Renarin’s societally ‘feminine’ tendencies - which he gets subtly bullied/mocked for during that meeting by one of the other women in attendance. It’s about all of his differences, it’s about Dalinar validating his autistic experience as well, and helping to fit him in to a society that continually rejects and ousts him.

This idea evolves through RoW, however, with Renarin understanding that Dalinar can do things that he won’t be allowed to get away with. Dalinar isn’t so much breaking down barriers with Oathbringer as he is stomping through them because he has enough social privilege to do so, for the most part, unscathed.

Renarin keeps his reading a secret because, even after what Dalinar has done, it’s not going to change things for most men, and certainly not him.

Renarin has learned, throughout his life, that him being different is not going to break down any barriers. People are not going to change their world, or their worldview, for him and his differences. He knows that he has to adapt, and he knows that he won’t be afforded the same luxuries as others.

He’s more comfortable with this now. He’s learning to be himself, and learning that the world won’t fit itself to him, he just has to do what he’s going to do anyway, and find the places where he fits, rather than trying to change the ones where he doesn’t. It’s actually a really beautiful little arc, and I’m strongly tempted to look at it in more depth at some point. Renarin and Dalinar’s dynamic is actually incredibly deep, layerd, and complex, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to look at for a while. HOWEVER. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT.

TL;DR: Renarin’s Radiant experience is a direct allegory and parallel to his autistic experience. This is explored and made blatant by canon repeatedly, throughout the series, and Renarin’s experience as a Radiant is clearly a vessel by which Sanderson intends to explore his autism. Stop erasing and ignoring this when you talk about Renarin and analyse his arc. His autism is as intrinsic to this as it is to identity. It’s part of him. Stop erasing it.

I’m not saying you can’t find parallels or comfort in Renarin’s arc as a queer person. I’m just saying you cannot look at it in isolation. As though the text is ONLY making a parallel between his queer identity and his bond. Because it’s very fucking blatantly not. His autism is obviously and canonically tied to his Radiant bond and this is something that MUST be noted whenever you talk about this aspect of Renarin’s character.

Note: if anyone has any questions or comments on this, I am happy to engage and to clarify what I meant/add further detail and supporting evidence for various different aspects. There’s only so much I can cover in one post! For my sanity as well as yours...But there’s absolutely more, and I’m happy to look at that as well.

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danggerine · 3 years

Text

i made the mistake of reading the notes on a lot of trans naoto posts so now y’all get responses to some of the bad takes i keep seeing. buckle the fuck up

• “naoto’s arc is about sexism specific to the japanese workplace and calling her trans erases that to fit it into a western lens!!!”

you guys do know that there are japanese trans people right. like i agree that there are lots of issues with workplace sexism and gender roles in japan, but there’s also lots of issues with transphobia. y’all do know that you do not have to be white and/or live in a western country to be trans, and that queer stories and issues are GLOBAL stories and issues right.

• “naoto isn’t a man, she just pretended to be one to get respect in a male-dominated field, if you say she’s a trans man you’re ruining that whole character arc about accepting your true self!”

here’s the thing! the way that character arc was done was fucking transphobic! the trope of a woman going into disguise as a man for safety/respect/etc is tried and tested, it shows up literally everywhere, and the trope itself is not inherently transphobic. HOWEVER, when persona 4 incorporates Really Obviously Trans elements into that trope, like chest binding and literal gender reassignment surgery, then we have a problem, because now you have a cis character going through a trans narrative in the name of insecurity.

p4 does everything it can to embody the typical narrative of a young transitioning trans guy: binding, changing your name, revising official documents to be known as a man in work and school records, dressing masculine, and forming a shadow literally based on transitional surgery. plus the stuff naoto’s shadow says isn’t about being “a weak little girl” or “no one will ever take you seriously when you’re just a little girl” like you would expect it to be for someone who’s arc is supposed to be about dealing with misogyny, it’s all “you’ll never be a real man,” “you can’t cross the boundary between the sexes,” “no one will ever see you as you are” comments. you know, textbook trans guy insecurity. but the game backtracks on that and says naoto was just insecure about being a female detective and wanted people to take them seriously, and that they should get rid of these feelings and accept their true, female self.

and this is where the problem lies. when you write an obviously trans-coded narrative, but make the character experiencing it an insecure cis person or someone trying to avoid discrimination, you say either 1. trans people are really their assigned gender and are just insecure, but accepting the gender they were given at birth will make them happier and more confident or 2. being a trans man is a way for cis women to escape misogyny. 1 is obviously stupid and has been talked about by plenty of people, but 2 is a BIG problem and a wild assumption to me. being a trans man is seen as an “out” for naoto, or a solution to a problem, as if once they’re a man they’ll face no discrimination whatsoever, when in reality things like getting their gender marker changed in official documents that would allow them to go by “he” and wear the boy’s uniform at school and passing well enough to be seen as a boy in public would be a HUGE ordeal that includes a lot of stress and rejection and danger. realistically, naoto is putting themself in a really precarious position, because if they are exposed as actually afab to the media, to the detective agency, or to the school, they are set for a hell of a lot of ridicule, discrimination, and potential physical danger. but persona 4 doesn’t reflect this at all, because it’s transphobic and thinks that being trans is the easy way out for cis women experiencing misogyny!

• really any argument that boils down to “naoto is a cis woman in canon whose struggle is about sexism, not being trans”

like i already addressed enough of this, i think, but what really gets me is that kanji’s arc is fucked up in a lot of the same ways naoto is and no one is clowning on posts about kanji being gay? his shadow is a very clear (and offensive) gay caricature, and his narrative is very much one about a mlm guy experiencing homophobia from his peers and acting out because of that. and yet the game backtracks to saying “oh no it’s not about liking men, kanji is insecure about his femininity and softer hobbies because of toxic masculinity” and then literally uses naoto to refute his queerness because “look the only guy kanji was ever shown as attracted to was ACTUALLY a woman all along and now that kanji knows she’s a girl he can be openly attracted to her!” in canon, naoto is about as cis as kanji is straight, and yet EVERYONE is on board for portraying kanji as gay in fan works like it’s not even a question, but there has to be a huge debate anytime anyone wants to call naoto trans. legitimately, i think i’ve seen someone argue about kanji being mlm on a post...once? ever? meanwhile every post about naoto being trans has to have a horde of discourse, i’m literally already prepping for the bad notes this post will get because y’all cannot leave this ALONE

in conclusion, i am not saying that everyone has to think naoto is a trans man or forcing anyone to stop liking a character in the way they want or anything like that. i am saying that the naoto’s canon character arc is transphobic and if you’re trying to fight with trans people about how they want to reclaim something that uses a lot of their experiences, don’t.

#this is petty as shit and it’s probably going to get me into sooooo much DiscourseTM but i got frutsrated #really out here writing a fucking dissertation about the opinions people i’ve never met have about a 10+ year old game lmao #gale make a post that isn’t 10 miles long challenge #but i cant HELP it i love naoto so much he is so so trans to me #persona 4 #naoto shirogane #persona #trans naoto #my thoughts

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army-of-mai-lovers · 3 years

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in which I get progressively angrier at the various tropes of atla fandom misogyny

tbh I think it would serve all of us to have a larger conversation about the specific ways misogyny manifests in this fandom, because I’ve seen a lot of people who characterize themselves as feminists, many of whom are women themselves, discuss the female characters of atla/lok in misogynistic ways, and people don’t talk about it enough.

disclaimer before I start: I’m not a woman, I’m an afab nonbinary person who is semi-closeted and thus often read as a woman. I’m speaking to things that I’ve seen that have made me uncomfy, but if any women (esp women existing along other axes of oppression, e.g. trans women, women of color, disabled women, etc) want to add onto this post, please do!

“This female character is a total badass but I’m not even a little bit interested in exploring her as a human being.”

I’ve seen a lot of people say of various female characters in atla/lok, “I love her! She’s such a badass!” now, this statement on its own isn’t misogynistic, but it represents a pretty pervasive form of misogyny that I’ve seen leveled in large part toward the canon female love interests of one or both of the members of a popular gay ship (*cough* zukka *cough*) I’m going to use Suki as an example of this because I see it with her most often, but it can honestly be applied to nearly every female character in atla/lok. Basically, people will say that they stan Suki, but when it comes time to engage with her as an actual character, they refuse to do it. I’ve seen meta after meta about Zuko’s redemption arc, but I so rarely see people engage with Suki on any level beyond “look at this cool fight scene!” and yeah, I love a cool Suki fight scene as much as anybody else, but I’m also interested in meta and headcanons and fics about who she is as a person, when she isn’t an accessory to Sokka’s development or doing something cool. of course, the material for this kind of engagement with Suki is scant considering she doesn’t have a canon backstory (yet) (don’t let me down Faith Erin Hicks counting on you girl) but with the way I’ve seen people in this fandom expand upon canon to flesh out male characters, I know y’all have it in you to do more with Suki, and with all the female characters, than you currently do. frankly, the most engagement I’ve seen with Suki in mainstream fandom is justifying either zukki (which again, is characterizing her in relation to male characters, one of whom she barely interacts with in canon) or one of the Suki wlw pairings. which brings me to--

“I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”

now, I will admit, two of my favorite atla ships are yueki and mailee, and so I totally understand being interested in these characters’ dynamics, even if, as is the case with yueki, they’ve never interacted canonically. however, it becomes a problem for me when these ships are always in the background of a zukka fic. at some point, it becomes obvious that you like this ship because it gets either Zuko or Sokka’s female love interests out of the way, not because you actually think the characters would mesh well together. It’s bad form to dislike a female character because she gets in the way of your gay ship, so instead, you find another girl to pair her off with and call it a day. to be clear, I’m not saying that everybody who ships either mailee or yueki (or tysuki or maisuki or yumai or whatever other wlw rarepair involving Zuko or Sokka’s canon love interests) is nefariously trying to sideline a female character while acting publicly as if she’s is one of their faves--far from it--but it is noteworthy to me how difficult it is to find content that centers wlw ships, while it’s incredibly easy to find content that centers zukka in which mailee and/or yueki plays a background role.

also, notice how little traction wlw Katara ships gain in this fandom. when’s the last time you saw yuetara on your dash? there’s no reason for wlw Katara ships to gain traction in a fandom that is so focused on Zuko and Sokka getting together, bc she doesn’t present an immediate obstacle to that goal (at least, not an obstacle that can be overcome by pairing her up with a woman). if you are primarily interested in Zuko and Sokka’s relationship, and your queer readings of other female characters are motivated by a desire to get them out of the way for zukka, then Katara’s canon m/f relationship isn’t a threat to you, and thus, there’s no reason to read her as potentially queer. Or even, really, to think about her at all.

“Katara’s here but she’s not actually going to do anything, because deep down, I’m not interested in her as a person.”

the show has an enormous amount of textual evidence to support the claim that Sokka and Katara are integral parts of each other’s lives. so, she typically makes some kind of appearance in zukka content. sometimes, her presence in the story is as an actual character with layers and nuance, someone whom Sokka cares about and who cares about Sokka in return, but also has her own life and goals outside of her brother (or other male characters, for that matter.) sometimes, however, she’s just there because halfway through writing the author remembered that Sokka actually has a sister who’s a huge part of the show they’re writing fanfiction for, and then they proceed to show her having a meetcute with Aang or helping Sokka through an emotional problem, without expressing wants or desires outside of those characters. I’m honestly really surprised that I haven’t seen more people calling out the fact that so much of Katara’s personality in fanon revolves around her connections to men? she’s Aang’s girlfriend, she’s Sokka’s sister, she’s Zuko’s bestie. never mind that in canon she spends an enormous amount of time fighting against (anachronistic, Westernized) sexism to establish herself as a person in her own right, outside of these connections. and that in canon she has such interesting complex relationships with other female characters (e.g. Toph, Kanna, Hama, Korra if you want to write lok content) or that there are a plethora of characters with whom she could have interesting relationships with in fanon (Mai, Suki, Ty Lee, Yue, Smellerbee, and if you want to write lok content, Kya II, Lin, Asami, Senna, etc). to me, the lack of fandom material exploring Katara’s relationships with other women or with herself speak to a profound indifference to Katara as a character. I’m not saying you have to like Katara or include her in everything you write, but I am asking you to consider why you don’t find her interesting outside of her relationships with men.

“I hate Katara because she talks about her mother dying too often.”

this is something I’ve seen addressed by people far more qualified than I to address it, but I want to mention it here in part because when I asked people which fandom tropes they wanted me to talk about, this came up often, but also because I find it really disgusting that this is a thing that needs to be addressed at all. Y’all see a little girl who watched her mother be killed by the forces of an imperialist nation and say that she talks about it too much??? That is a formational, foundational event in a child’s life. Of course she’s going to talk about it. I’ve seen people say that she doesn’t talk about it that often, or that she only talks about it to connect with other victims of fn imperialism e.g. Jet and Haru, but frankly, she could speak about it every episode for no plot-significant reason whatsoever and I would still be angry to see people say she talks about it too much. And before you even bring up the Sokka comparison, people deal with grief in different ways. Sokka repressed a lot of his grief/channeled it into being the “man” of his village because he knew that they would come for Katara next if he gave them the opportunity. he probably would talk about his mother more if a) he didn’t feel massive guilt at not being able to remember what she looked like, and b) he was allowed to be a child processing the loss of his mother instead of having to become a tiny adult when Hakoda had to leave to help fight the fn. And this gets into an intersection with fandom racism, in that white fans (esp white American fans) are incapable of relating to the structural trauma that both Sokka and Katara experience and thus can’t see the ways in which structural trauma colors every single aspect of both of their characters, leading them to flatten nuance and to have some really bad takes. And you know what, speaking of bad fandom takes--

“Shitting on Mai because she gets in the way of my favorite Zuko ship is actually totally okay because she’s ~abusive~”

y’all WHAT.

ok listen, I get not liking maiko. I didn’t like it when I first got into fandom, and later I realized that while bryke cannot write romance to save their lives, fans who like maiko sure can, so I changed my tune. but if you still don’t like it, that’s fine. no skin off my back.

what IS skin off my back is taking instances in which Mai had justified anger toward Zuko, and turning it into “Mai abused Zuko.” do you not realize how ridiculous you sound? this is another thing where I get so angry about it that I don’t know how useful my analysis is actually going to be, but I’ll do my best. numerous people have noted how analysis of Mai and Zuko’s breakup in “The Beach” or Mai being justifiably angry with him at Boiling Rock or her asking for FUCKING FRUIT in “Nightmares and Daydreams” that says that all of these events were her trying to gain control over him is....ahhh...lacking in reading comprehension, but I’d like to go a step further and talk about why y’all are so intent on taking down a girl who doesn’t show emotion in normative ways. obviously, there’s a “Zuko can do no wrong” aspect to Mai criticism (which is super weird considering how his whole arc is about how he can do lots of wrong and he has to atone for the wrong that he’s done--but that’s a separate post.) But I also see slandering Mai for not expressing her emotions normatively and not putting up with Zuko’s shit and slandering Katara for “talking about her mother too often” as two sides of the same coin. In both cases, a female character expresses emotions that make you, the viewer, uncomfortable, and so instead of attempting to understand where those emotions may have come from and why they might be manifesting the way they are, y’all just throw the whole character away. this is another instance of people in the fandom being fundamentally disinterested in engaging with the female characters of atla in a real way, except instead of shallowly “stanning” Mai, y’all hate her. so we get to this point where female characters are flattened into one of two things: perfect queens who can do no wrong, or bitches. and that’s not who they are. that’s not who anyone is. but while we as a fandom are pretty good at understanding b1 Zuko’s actions as layered and multifaceted even though he’s essentially an asshole then, few are willing to lend the same grace to any female character, least of all Mai.

and what’s funny is sometimes this trope will intersect with “I conveniently ship this female character whose canon love interest is one of the members of my favorite non-canon ship with another female character! gay rights!”, so you’ll have someone actively calling Mai toxic/problematic/abusive, and at the same time ship her with Ty Lee? make it make sense! but then again, maybe that’s happening because y’all are fundamentally disinterested in Ty Lee as a character too.

“I love Ty Lee so much that I’m going to treat her like an infantilized hypersexual airhead!”

there are so many things happening in y’alls characterization of Ty Lee that I struggled to synthesize it into one quippy section header. on one hand, you have the hypersexualization, and on the other hand, you have the infantilization, which just makes the hypersexualization that much worse.

(of course, sexualizing or hypersexualizing ANY atla character is really not the move, considering that these are child characters in a children’s show, but then again, that’s a separate post.)

now, I understand how, from a very, very surface reading of the text, you could come to the conclusion that Ty Lee is an uncomplicated bimbo. if you grew up on Western media the way I did, you’ll know that Ty Lee has a lot of the character traits we associate with bimbos: the form-fitting pink crop top, the general conventional attractiveness, the ditzy dialogue. but if you think about it for more than three seconds, you’ll understand that Ty Lee has spent her whole life walking a tightrope, trying to please Azula and the rest of the royal family while also staying true to herself. Ty Lee and Azula’s relationship is a really complex and interesting topic that I don’t really have time to explore at the moment given how long this post is, but I’d argue that Ty Lee’s constant, vocal adulation is at least partially a product of learning to survive at court at an early age. Like Mai, she has been forced to regulate her emotions as a member of fn nobility, but unlike Mai, she also has six sisters who look exactly like her, so she has a motivation to be more peppy and more affectionate to stand out.

fandom does not do the work to understand Ty Lee. as is a theme with this post, fandom is actively disinterested in investigating female characters beyond a very surface level reading of them. Thus, fandom takes Ty Lee’s surface level qualities--her love of the color pink, her revealing standard outfit, and the fact that once she found a boy attractive and also once a lot of boys found her attractive--and they stretch this into “Ty Lee is basically Karen Smith from Mean Girls.” thus, Ty Lee is painted as a bimbo, or more specifically, as not smart, uncritically adoring of Azula (did y’all forget all the non-zukka bits of Boiling Rock?), and attractive to the point of hypersexualization. I saw somebody make a post that was like “I wish mailee was more popular but I’m also glad it isn’t because otherwise people would write it as Mai having to put up with her dumb gf” and honestly I have to agree!! this is one instance in which I’m glad that fandom doesn’t discuss one of my favorite characters that often because I hate the fanon interpretation of Ty Lee, I think it’s rooted in misogyny (particularly misogyny against East Asian women, which often takes the form of fetishizing them and viewing them only through a Western white male gaze)

(side note: here at army-of-mai-lovers, we stan bimbos. bimbos are fucking awesome. I personally don’t read Ty Lee as a bimbo, but if that’s you, that’s fucking awesome. keep doing what you’re doing, queen <3 or king or monarch, it’s 2021, anyone can be a bimbo, bitches <3)

“Toph can and will destroy everyone here with her bare hands because she’s a meathead who likes to murder people and that’s it!”

Toph is, and always has been, one of my favorite ATLA characters. My very first fic in fandom was about her, and she appears prominently in a lot of my other work as well. One thing that I am always struck by with Toph is how big a heart she has. She’s independent, yes, snarky, yes, but she cares about people--even the family that forced her to make herself smaller because they didn’t believe that their blind daughter could be powerful and strong. Her storyline is powerful and emotionally resonant, her bending is cool precisely because it’s based in a “wait and listen” approach instead of just smashing things indiscriminately, she’s great disabled rep, and overall one of the best characters in the show.

And in fandom, she gets flattened into “snarky murder child.”

So where does this come from? Well, as we all know, Toph was originally conceived of as a male character, and retained a lot of androgyny (or as the kids call it, Gender) when she was rewritten as a female character. There are a lot of cultural ideas about androgynous/butch women being violent, and people in fandom seem to connect that larger cultural narrative with some of Toph’s more violent moments in the show to create the meathead murder child trope, erasing her canon emotionality, softness, heart, and femininity in the process.

This is not to say that you shouldn’t write or characterize Toph as being violent or snarky at all ever, because yeah, Toph definitely did do Earth Rumbles a lot before joining the gaang, and yeah, Toph is definitely a sarcastic person who makes fun of her friends a lot. What I am saying is that people take these traits, sans the emotional logic, marry them to their conception of androgynous/butch women as violent/unemotional/uncaring, and thus create a caricature of Toph that is not at all up to snuff. When I see Toph as a side character in a fic (because yeah, Toph never gets to be a main character, because why would a fandom obsessed with one male character in particular ever make Toph a protagonist in her own right?) she’s making fun of people, killing people, pranking people, etc, etc. She’s never talking to people about her emotions, or palling around with her found family, or showing that she cares about her friends. Everything about her relationship with her parents, her disability, her relationship to Gender, and her love of her friends is shoved aside to focus on a version of Toph that is mean and uncaring because people have gotten it into their heads that androgynous/butch women are mean and uncaring.

again, we see a female character who does not emote normatively or in a way that makes you, the viewer, comfortable, and so you warp her character until she’s completely unrecognizable and flat. and for what?

Azula

no, I didn’t come up with a snappy name for this section, mainly because fanon interpretations of Azula and my own feelings toward the character are...complicated. I know there were some people who wanted me to write about Azula and the intersection of misogyny and ableism in fanon interpretations of her character, but I don’t think I can deliver on that because I personally am in a period of transition with how I see Azula. that is to say, while I still like her and believe that she can be redeemed, there is a lot of merit to disliking her. the whole point of this post is that the female characters of ATLA are complex people whom the fandom flattens into stereotypes that don’t hold up to scrutiny, or dislike for reasons that don’t make sense. Azula, however, is a different case. the rise of Azula defenders and Azula stans has led to this sentiment that Azula is a 14 y/o abuse victim who shouldn’t be held accountable for her actions. it seems to me that people are reacting to a long, horrible legacy of male ATLA fans armchair diagnosing Azula with various personality disorders (and suggesting that people with those personality disorders are inherently monstrous and unlovable which ahhhh....yikes) and then saying that those personality disorders make her unlovable, which is quite obviously bad. and hey, I get loving a character that everyone else hates and maybe getting so swept up in that love that you forget that your fave is complicated and has made some unsavory choices. it sucks that fanon takes these well-written, complex villains/antiheroes and turns them into monsters with no critical thought whatsoever. but the attitude among Azula stans that her redemption shouldn’t be hard, that her being a child excuses all of the bad things that she’s done, that she is owed redemption....all of that rubs me the wrong way. I might make another post about this in the future that discusses this in more depth, but as it stands now: while I understand that there is a legacy of misogynistic, ableist, unnuanced takes on Azula, the backlash to that does not take into account the people she hurt or the fact that in ATLA she does not make the choice to pursue redemption. and yes, Zuko had help in making that choice that Azula didn’t, and yes, Azula is a victim of abuse, but in a show about children who have gone through untold horrors and still work to better the lives of the people around them, that is not enough for me to uncritically stan her.

Conclusion

misogyny in this fandom runs rampant. while there are some tropes of fandom misogyny that are well-documented and have been debunked numerous times, there are other, subtler forms of misogyny that as far as I know have gone completely unchecked.

what I find so interesting about misogyny in atla fandom is that it’s clear that it’s perpetrated by people who are aware of fandom misogyny who are actively trying not to be misogynistic. when I first joined atla fandom last summer, memes about how zukka fandom was better than every other fandom because they didn’t hate the female characters who got in the way of their gay ship were extremely prevalent, and there was this sense that *this* fandom was going to model respectful, fun, feminist online fandom. not all of the topes I’ve outlined are exclusive to or even largely utilized in zukka fandom, but a lot of them are. I’ve been in and out of fandom since I was eleven years old, and most of the fandom spaces I’ve been in have been majority-female, and all of them have been incredibly misogynistic. and I always want to know why. why, in these communities created in large part by women, in large part for women, does misogyny run wild? what I realize now is that there’s never going to be a one-size fits all answer to that question. what’s true for 1D fandom on Wattpad in 2012 is absolutely not true for atla fandom on tumblr in 2021. the answers that I’ve cobbled together for previous fandoms don’t work here.

so, why is atla fandom like this? why did the dream of a feminist fandom almost entirely focused on the romantic relationship between two male characters fall apart? honestly, I think the notion that zukka fandom ever was this way was horrifically ignorant to begin with. from my very first moment in the fandom, I was seeing racism, widespread sexualization of minors, and yes, misogyny. these aspects of the fandom weren’t talked about as much as the crocverse or other, much more fun aspects. further, atla (specifically zukka) fandom misogyny often doesn’t look like the fandom misogyny we’ve become familiar with from like, Sherlock fandom or what have you. for the most part, people don’t actively hate Suki, they just “stan” without actually caring about her. they hate Mai because they believe in treating male victims of abuse equally. they’re not characterizing Toph poorly, they’re writing her as a “strong woman.” in short, people are misogynistic, and then invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of feminist theory to shield themselves from accusations of misogyny. it’s not unlike the way some people will invoke a shallow, incomplete interpretation of critical race theory to shield themselves from accusations of racism, or how they’ll talk about “freedom of speech” and “the suppression of women’s sexuality” to justify sexualizing minors. the performance of feminism and antiracism is what’s important, not the actual practice.

if you’ve made it this far, first off, hi, thanks so much for reading, I know this was a lot. second, I would seriously encourage you to be aware of these fandom tropes and to call them out when you see them. elevate the voices of fans who do the work of bringing the female characters of atla to life. invest in the wlw ships in this fandom. drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic (please, drop a kudos and a comment on a rangshi fic). read some yuetara. let’s all be honest about where we are now, and try to do better in the future. I believe in us.

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epic-sorcerer · 3 years

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Queer imagery in BBC Merlin

Content warning: kink/fetish, fisting in particular but I show I big image containing a long list of different kinks, homophobia, dom/sub dynamics, sex

Merlin is shown wearing a purple tunic in s4, despite the fact he is a servant and purple(especially with such saturation) was extremely expensive bc purple dye was so hard to make. Gwen also has a light purple dress(or maybe 2? It’s hard to tell). Even though it’s definitely lighter than Merlins tunic, it’s still expensive.

it was illegal for peasants to wear expensive fabrics because of the Sumptuary Law. Basically it makes sure that lower class people are not fashionable. However, BBC Merlin doesn’t seam to care about that law, considering Merlins other bright clothing so take this was a grain of salt.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that there’s no way they could have gotten their hands on these clothes without the help of nobles. Gwen might have, because she works with clothing and could have easily mixed blue and red dye together. Merlin probably not have because he’s never shown to be particularly materialistic or interested much in fashion, despite his bright clothes. Bright Purple would have been much, much harder to get.

It makes the most sense for Merlin and possibly Gwen too to have been gifted such expensive clothing by a noble for being a good servant. I’d imagine Arthur would be the one to give Merlin the tunic and morgana the dresses.

Why does this matter? Lavender(and also purple in general) was considered a queer color starting in the 19th century. Queer men especially were said to possess a “streak of lavender” and a serge of homophobia at the time was often referred to as the “Lavender Scare.” Purple and lavender is still used now to symbolize queerness.

Since Merlin is a modern interpretation of Arthurian myths, it would be perfectly plausible that this symbol was on purpose. Merlin/Arthur and Gwen/Morgana are both extremely popular ships and they are both shown to have a very deep form of trust(Gwen/Morgana being at the beginning of the show). Arthur and Morgana gifting Merlin and Gwen purple clothing could be show them they accept their queerness and/or signaling their own queer attraction to them.

Now, this next symbolism concerns only Merlin/Arthur.

Merlin is shown to have three neckerchiefs.

Navy blue, red, and light grey. Why does this matter? Well, let’s take a look at something called the handkerchief code, also known as the hanky code or “flagging.”

This code has its origins all the way back in time during the Wild West in the USA, but got more popular during the late 20th century in USA and UK gay bars. This code was used mainly by queer men and some nonbinary people to signal to other queers what they wanted sexually. While typically worn in people’s back pockets, a handkerchief could also be worn around one’s neck to show they are a versatile and experienced.

According to this code, Merlin is into;

Red: fisting and getting fisted. This color was hard to get an exact shade from, but the second best option was dark red for double fisting which is honestly so similar I’m not sure if it really matters much.

Light grey: stone topping and getting fucked by a stone top

Navy blue: fucking and being fucked anally

For any one wanting to make their own interpretations of Merlins neckerchief colors(the lighting makes it hard to tell the exact ones) have a look at this handy chart

Not only that, but Arthur is seen wearing a favour on his left arm in s3 ep 4.

What’s a favour? It’s a fabric strip of affection commonly given by maidens to knights before a tournament as a symbol of good luck. It’s often a very important scarf, hankcerchlif , towel, really any bit of cloth that can be tied around someone’s arm. This is also a popular trope in historical media for a female love interest to give a favour to a male one to show chemistry between them.

Regardless of your stance on Merlins gender identity, you have to admit how commonly Merlin is shown to be gender nonconforming(GNC) or otherwise be associated with “womanly” qualities. Especially in a society so heteronormative, the only “pure” option for a knight receiving a romantic gesture would have it be from a woman. If the token was from a queer man, it would also out the noble and cause lots of horrific chaos and destroy both of their reputations.

Even if it was common for women to give knights favours, queer men still existed and with that came romantic gestures—this time hopefully more secret.

Even though the favour on Arthur’s arm doesn’t look exactly like Merlin’s neckerchief, Merlin was the only person to speak with him while preparing for the tournament. Also, the original theorist who I linked in my sources also pointed out that Merlins neckerchief looks lopsided. Almost like Merlin tore off a bit of it and hastily tied it back on.

Although this theory is definitely flawed, it doesn’t matter. Arthur is still wearing a red handkerchief on his left arm. But what does that tell us exactly?

Regardless of wether or not it was Merlin’s, the red is the same shade and also implies Arthur is also into fisting. What about the placement? Sicne it’s on his left, it shows that he is a top/dom, meaning that he prefers to be the one fisting. Since it is worn around his upper arm, it shows that he is simply into the fetish, compared to what other placements mean. In another source, it shows taht upper arm means switch, but because Arthur is wearing it on his left it wouldn’t really make sense for him to signal being a “top-switch” compared to being a top and having the fetish in general.

If you look closely, you can see a different colored stripe on the favour. It’s hard to tell exactly what the color is, it could be yellow, gold, orange, etc. because the color is so dubious, I’ll just leave y’all with a list of color meanings that may apply to Arthur’s favour.

YELLOW: pisser/watersports kink

YELLOW, Pale: spitter/spit kink

MUSTARD: Has 8+ inch dick

GOLD: two looking for one

ORANGE: anything anytime

Also, it’s important to bring up what many in thsi fandom refer to as the “fisting scene.” Where Arthur threatens Merlin by showing him his gloved fist and pulling a bit at the glove.

youtube

In the blooper, you can see Merlin’s actor(Colin Morgan) breaking character and giggling as Arthur shows him his fist. Many in the fandom agree that this was a clear innuendo for fisting, and it is very well possible.

Merlin is shown hitting Arthur and saying he was just doing some horse play, but still indirectly convincing Arthur that he needs to teach Merlin a lesson. This is actually a common act in BDSM sex, where the submissive person purposely angers the dominant into punishing them in a way that somehow involves sex or fetish play.

If you look closely, you can see Merlin is wearing at kinky red fisting handkerchief, showing Merlin is perfectly capable of being a submissive fistee. Also, the hanky code also includes other symbols such as latex or rubber gloves that, surprise surprise, also mean fisting. Although it’s more likely Arthur’s gloves where made of leather, it can still further be interpreted as a fisting symbol if you want. Either way, Arthur’s favour still holds water as he is undoubtedly the dom in this situation.

Also, Merlin is very impulsive and a madlad. Tell me he wouldn’t wear his secret fetish symbols infrount of stuck up, Roman Catholics who are none the wiser. He’d probably think it’s hilarious which is probably why he wears them almost everyday. Merlin loves playfully misbehaving(and is also a brat sometimes) so it makes sense for him to have some dangerous fun.

Now, you may be asking. Why does this matter? At the end of the day, it probably wasn’t intentional. Well, there is alwyas room for doupt BUT I do have some ferther proof. One of the co writers of BBC Merlin—Johnny Capps—actually won a Stone Wall Award. You know, an award named after a core part of queer culture?

The award’s website and Wikipedia page say they give the award for art that describes the LGBT experience well. While I am unsure why or what Capps made to be nominated, it still shows he is very much in touch with queer culture. Capp himself even said at an interview about Merlin, “... in the end, deep, deep down it’s about sexuality and things you just can’t tackle head-on.”

Well, what says more about sexuality than the main characters fist fucking each other? That’s a lot of sexuality. While I am unsure of Capp’s age, he does look to be about middle age and it would make sense for him to know about a code popularized in a 70s to 90s. Especially for someone who has made multiple queer oriented stories in his life time.

Sources:

Why is purple considered the color of royalty?

Sumptuary law

How lavender became a symbol of LGBTQ resistance

How Lavender Became a Symbol of LGBTQ Resistance(part 2)

flagging opinicus rampant

Handkerchief code

DO YOU KNOW THE HANKY CODE?

Picspam: The Red Favour (Proof of Arthur Wearing Merlin's Favour in 3x04)

Five medieval love tokens

The Lady's Favour

Hanky codes

Nominees for Stonewall Awards announced

Merlin series 5 spoiler-free launch report

Pls reblog I spent hours on this /np 😭👊

#tw kink mention #tw sex talk #tw eye strain #tw homophobia #tw queerphobia #research essay #long post #Merlin #bbc Merlin #Merlin bbc #merthur #merlin/arthur #gwen/morgana #morgwen

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rens-room · 3 years

Text

given movie (not spoiler free):

all MAJOR spoilers will be under the cut.

y’all don’t even know how much I need this or how long I’ve waited for it!

WHY IS IT ONLY ONE HOUR I KNOW THAT I’LL NEED MORE AND IT HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET!!!

yes mafuyu! call them out on their wack relationship habits!

are you...at your ex’s concert?? is that allowed??

“I told him to brush his hair” what kind of domestic lie is this bc I want in//but also your relationship is not healthy or good for either of you.

god the music is so good. I find the anime versions of stories that revolve around music to be a more complete experience (than reading the manga) because you can actually hear it.

Ex. Nana

who let ugetsu be so pretty.

oooo complicated emotions, I’m getting a (not actually) amicable ex’s vibe.

mafuyu is so frickin adorable!!

is mafuyus voice higher in this or is it just me?

akihiko’s apartment is a dream. I love the dark color scheme and layout and the windows.

follow up, I guess I mean ugetsu’s apartment.

yallllllll stop, banging your ex is not healthy.

wait shit violin man can smile? and not look like an ice prince wtf since when?!

are you gonna...are you gonna WRITE YOUR BOY A LOVE SONG!?!

uenoyama and mafuyu are too cute!

you left your friend/bandmate with your roommate/ex to see the guy who’s in love with you...

is there anything akihiko Can’t play?? wow.

ah the cryptic car conversations.

oh yes hit me with that complex relationship and emotional backstory.

“udon or pasta” I love him. and I’ll have udon for dinner, thanks.

mafuyu with hair clips. that’s it. that’s the comment.

and they were roommates. oh my god they were roommates!

things are heating up in the ex’s department.

third wheeling but you’re just the mutual friend caught up in the feels drama.

mafuyu back at it again struggling with lyrics. that’s such a mood though.

mafuyu and uenoyama are really good together. I’m so happy for them for communicating and building each other up.

yes I am aware the movie cut some of their story line but given what IS in the movie, their relationship is still depicted well.

...domestic life...without even being together.

fellas is it gay to walk until dawn with your crush turned housemate? asking for a friend.

hahahaha the feel when you’re having a breakdown and some random kid shows up to see you (and not your ex who’s in his band).

the scene with the waterwheel with mafuyu and uenoyama is everything. thank you. goodnight. THEY’RE SO GOOD FOR EACH OTHER AND GOOD TO EACH OTHER!

HIS MUSIC IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT!!!

mafuyu has the power to motivate and impact other people with his music and that’s so cool.

disaster queers who cant communicate to save their lives: akihiko and haruki.

akihiko: I’m home, where is my hug??

ok humor and jokes aside, I did enjoy this movie a lot. there will be more of my opinions under the cut, as discussing spoilers is unavoidable for some of the things I wan to say.

overall thoughts and spoiler related things under the cut:

hi that confession scene? beautiful. I loved it, it felt really in character for akihiko to shout but also be nervous. the flower petals and moonlight were a cute romantic touch.

haruki cutting his hair. wow, he really went and did that. I’m not surprised, he was introduced with long hair probably for this exact reason, but I will miss it.

the couch scene. uhhhhhhhhhh. on one hand, it’s just another example of how realistic the characters are in the sense that people are flawed and make mistakes/terrible decions/do NOT think things through very well all of the time.

on the other, it’s not the most comfortable to watch because of the lack of clear consent and one person is clearly intoxicated.

I love how realistic this show is.

it talks about first loves, falling in love and out of love and explores who love and start sweet and turn sour.

the movie looks into how a first love can feel so good and be hard to let go of as well as the temptation to go through the motions and not change the status quo even if that is what needs to be done.

showing the deterioration of ugetsu and akihiko’s relationship was beautifully done.

the awareness on both of their ends that the relationship was limiting and bad but at the same time being unable to stop loving each other, so real is hurts.

or rather, it hurts because it is a reflection of real life.

I love given because it doesn’t shy away from depicting real life as mess and complicated.

the movie is possibly an even better example of this because it shows how multiple people’s feelings intersect whether they want them to or not.

it also shows how everyone perceives situations differently and has their own idea about what happened in the past, what the current situation is, and what they want in the future.

this is seen in akihiko, haruki, and ugetsu’s lives not existing in a vacuum, instead they all impact each other.

the other brilliant thing about given is the music.

all of the character’s center around music in some way and I think that mafuyu being able to take his own life and inspire others to rediscover their love and passion for music, as well as heal himself is incredibly powerful. it speaks on how music impacts people in real life too.

mafuyu using his music to come to terms with his past and present and help other people do the same is beautiful.

given is a bittersweet story. yes there is angst. but there are also happy moments. the time gap between the breakup (god that hurt) to the confession was realistic and I commend the creator yet again for the realism.

I think it is important to see that everyone gets a chance to work through their emotions.

character growth is not limited to the protagonists.

ugetsu is just as entitled to learn and grow from his past actions as the main four.

the movie demonstrates how everyone experiences, processes, and moves on from things differently in their own ways.

self reflection is a major theme in the movie.

even though it is rarely mentioned by name, the amount of introspection and reflecting on the past that the characters do is really important.

the first step to healing and moving on is to acknowledge what hurt you in the first place and then figuring out how to change it.

akihiko is the most obvious in this regard as he turns his life around after the concert. but the breakup process between akihiko and ugetsu took self reflection on both their parts to be able to let each other go.

haruki came to terms with his feelings (even if it wasn’t really by choice) and started living more in the present with akihiko.

mafuyu once again used music as therapy (you can see yuki’s influence in the lyrics even if the movie doesn’t mention it explicitly) and I believe the manga included more on uenoyama.

in conclusion, watch it if you enjoyed the anime!

#given movie #given #mafuyu sato #ritsuka uenoyama #haruki nakayama #Akihiko Kaji #Ugetsu Murata #given anime #anime thoughts #rens ruminations #old draft

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