#also me: he couldn't say that he would cry.
Text
𓂅new order. "tarte aux fraises and uh... a éclair au chocolat."
How un.fortunate
pairing. Boothill x fem!reader
cw/genre. angst, misunderstood, crying, disappointment, frustration, bittersweet ed, some fluff
synopsis. he heard part of the conversation with your friends, exactly a bad part.
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"Isn't he cute?" One of your friends, Elisa, blurted out. Who carried a small baby in his arms.
"Oh…yes he is!" You spoke, excitedly, taking his small hands in your fingers.
How you loved babies and children in general.
"Can I carry it too?" You asked this time looking at another of your friends, Laila, who was the little boy's mother.
"Sure! Just be careful with his head and neck."
"Hello little one." You spoke to the baby as you held him in your arms as Laila instructed.
Together with your friends, you had met after so many planned outings, which in one way or another ended up being canceled since one was always busy.
Recently one of them had another child. Of your small group of 4 friends, you were the only one who didn't have children until now.
Even though when you were in your student days, you and your friends said that you would be the first to have children.
How unfortunate.
"Oh…he's so fragile." You commented with a soft and cheerful smile.
"He's too cute!" Elisa commented looking at the baby.
"Yeah. And he cries so much." Laila commented in a tired tone. as she gave a soft yawn, it seemed that she was quite tired of the baby, which she had been looking after all the time.
"What else do you expect? He's little." Elisa spoke.
"Is he very noisy?" You asked, curious.
"He keeps us up all night with his crying, you have no idea." Laila responded.
"Sure it's cute at first," said your friend, Myre, "but when you have to deal with them for real… It's a whole other story."
"Are your children also a hassle to you?" You asked with a slight chuckle and curiosity.
"Nah, I love those little ones with my soul." She said, slowly sitting down in the chair at the table where the four of them were sitting. She had to be careful since she was 7 months pregnant.
Your friends, except for Myre, groaned at this.
"How can you say something like that when you're going to have more children?" Laila asked in a tired tone.
"Haha I do not know." She said, laughing, "And I didn't even want to have children."
They all laughed, commenting on one or another trick to make parenting easier. While you stayed talking to the baby with a soft voice. You rocked him in your arms calmly.
"Oh, and wouldn't it be a good idea to put our children in the same academy, just like we planned when we were younger?—" Elisa's words were cut off by a gentle nudge from Myre.
As if to try to silence her.
"Uh…sorry" Elisa's tone of voice was low and with some embarrassment.
You knew very well that in a certain way they felt sorry for you, refusing to talk about that kind of things in front of you.
You really tried not to let it affect you.
"Oh, no. It's totally fine, girls." You spoke, smiling somewhat embarrassed, keeping your gaze on the baby that you still held in your arms.
The baby began to let out soft cries and to move his little arms. You had no idea why.
"Oh, he must be hungry." Laila said, taking a small bottle of breast milk from the bag she had brought with her.
Putting some hot water in it from another thermos that she also brought.
"Here." She handed it to you.
"Are you sure you want me to do it?" You asked, looking at Laila.
She just smiled and shook her head.
You couldn't help but smile at him in response, as you brought the bottle closer to the baby's little mouth.
Then, the baby started drinking his food from the bottle you were holding.
Your friends smiled in reassurance, understanding that you were fine.
"Dear, I had a question actually…" Myre spoke slowly.
"Go ahead." You responded, curious to know what she would ask.
"What about your boyfriend?"
The question made you a little nervous. You had a small worry on your mind, a worry that you've told no one about. Your head was full of thoughts at that momen, it became a sudden silence in the table.
"Uh…well," You let out an awkward chuckle. "Recently we haven't seen each other much." That was the truth.
Lately you had seen your boyfriend less and there was a reason behind it. Boothill was not one to stay on one planet, as he was a galaxy ranger. But that didn't stop him from deciding to stay on your planet for a long time. I went and came back to be with you.
"Well, not all couples see each other every day." Elisa commented, taking a sip of her hot tea.
You were currently residing on a planet that orbited near Jarilo-VI. Or at least that's what Boothill told you.
"She's right, after all not every couple is the same." Laila commented.
They all remained silent, giving each other slight glances.
Of course it didn't go unnoticed by you.
"…We just want you to be a happy girl, sweetheart."
"Um…what's this all about?" You asked, looking at Myre, who after handing the bottle to Laila, took your hand.
"We're worried about you and your situation." She said, looking into your eyes.
"Why…?" That was all you could come up with.
"Lately you've been quite… Distracted or down." This time Laila spoke, with a worried expression.
It was true, you were sure that you had been acting distant lately, at least for the last two weeks. You didn't want to but they had noticed.
"I'll be honest, you're scaring us, sweety girl." Elisa spoke, taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes with them.
"You really don't look happy, dear." Myre, after saying that, squeezed your hand tighter, as if she wanted to give you comfort.
"We care about you, you know."
The others nodded as well, you had a feeling what was going to happen, they were very obvious.
They all cared about you, you had known each other for long time after all. You knew what they were going to say.
"The truth is that we don't know if that cowboy is the best choice for you." Elisa's words made your heart feel a little heavy.
They knew almost perfectly who your boyfriend was. They knew that being more metal than human, it was impossible for you to have children.
"Dear," Laila started to speak, "You've told us time and time again that you want children of your own. And you know that he can't give you children…"
You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. That was what hurt the most.
She was right, maybe too right.
How unfortunate.
Your gaze was now positioned on the baby, who was now being carried by Elisa.
How much you longed to be able to hold your own children just as you held your friend's child moments before.
You couldn't stop your eyes from filling with a thin layer of tears.
You looked down at your legs, in an attempt to not let them see your face like that.
You let out a silent sigh.
Of course, you knew it wasn't going to be possible to have a baby with Boothill. He was more made of metal and circuits than a living being.
The only way you could have your own children would be to have them with another human. It didn't matter how hard you tried, there was just no way.
Something you didn't know was that the person your friends were talking about was right around the corner from the cafe where you were.
His happiness at seeing you was suddenly turned off, as if it were a switch.
He had heard what they had been talking about.
He saw your reaction.
You didn't deny anything, nor did you say anything in response to your friends' words. In his eyes, you just lowered your head.
If he had a heart, he would have thought his heart was falling towards his now nonexistent stomach.
The beautiful bouquet of flowers that was going to belong to you was now in an alley, exactly in a garbage container.
…
You took out your key to enter your house, you were tired.
You chose to return on foot.
You inserted the key, unlocking the door lock. Entering calmly.
It was a great surprise to see Boothill there.
He could enter whenever he wanted since you had given him a spare key that you had.
It was good for you that he returned to your planet, you really needed his affection now. You were a little down because of the conversation you had with your friends.
"Hello, love." You said, smiling softly at him.
Your eyes were still a little red from the crying that your friends had to witness and comfort.
You fully entered your house and closed the door behind you, approaching your boyfriend so you can kiss him.
Your lips met briefly. You couldn't help noticing that this time it was a much colder and dry caress than usual. He even seemed a little uncomfortable.
He was expressionless, but you could still see something of disappointment hidden behind his eyes.
"Hey, are you alright?" You asked, in a low voice, stroking his cheek with your hand lovingly.
He moved away from your touch, as if it burned his face.
"How unfortunate, isn't it?" He asked as he looked at you.
How unfortunate? The hell was he talking about…?
You took a step forward in an attempt to be closer to him. But he, in response, just took a step back and away from you.
"Don't touch me with those hands."
Those words hurt like a stab in your heart.
Hands… those hands you tried to use to comfort him, caress him.
His look of disappointment was replaced by a look of frustration.
"What do you mean…?" You asked, confused, with a worried expression.
"Oh, you know…" He said, faking nonchalance.
"You can't make your greatest dream come true with me." His words sounded cold.
Your expression dropped, tears slowly filling your eyes, at that moment you remembered the conversation you had with your friends.
"You hear..?" You asked, in a low, broken voice.
You were trying to compose yourself.
Boothill just responded with a chuckle, that hurt you more.
"It's funny how you try to hide your disappointment and your frustration when you see others living the life you want, but you'll never be able to have."
It was the truth after all. A truth that no matter how much you want to ignore, it hurt you more and more.
You tried to open your mouth to speak, but just a small incoherent sound came out.
"No matter how many nights we've lived together, you'll never bear my children."
It was the cruel truth, a reality that you were aware of, but still you let yourself live that lie.
You wanted so much to have his children.
Yet he couldn't give you what you desired.
You took a deep sigh trying to calm the turmoil of emotions that were going through you.
"Boothill…" You whispered, trying to keep your voice from breaking any more than it already had.
His name came out of your lips like a mantra as you were drowning in tears.
"Stop crying." His tone of voice sounded sharper this time, which hurt you even more.
He was acting completely different than usual. He wanted to hurt you?
No, he wanted to get away.
But the pain was too great, tears began to run down your eyes.
"Maybe your friends are right."
"Maybe you should consider looking for someone else."
The tears were falling down your cheeks like a river and your sobs were getting worse.
Those words were so cold that they made your body freeze, your breath came out shaky.
"Please don't say that." You just managed to speak through sobs.
With those words, you walked towards your boyfriend in an attempt to hold him tight and kiss his entire face. To hold him close to your body. But as you were approaching, he just took a step back.
"Just admit it." He muttered in between his teeth.
That filled your head with questions. Admit what?
"Eh?…" You blurted out, giving him a confused look. With your hand you dried the tears that stained your cheeks.
"You also think the same as them."
It wasn't a question, it was a statement.
"You're disappointed, you're frustrated… aren't you?" This time his tone of voice was much calmer, as if he was more tired.
You couldn't respond.
"Say it."
"It's not like that, I'm not—" Your words were interrupted.
Boothill laughed lightly at your denial. "Be honest."
Your brow furrowed slightly. What had he heard then to make him say that?
"You didn't say anything when they told you i wasn't good for you, that you weren't happy."
So he had heard most of the conversation.
But not exactly everything.
"You didn't say anything when they said it was better for you to look for someone else, someone human."
Again you wanted to try to speak but his words were a constant punch to your heart, your body felt heavy.
It was a cruel reality.
You knew that if you stayed with Boothill, you would never be able to have children.
But that didn't matter, it didn't matter to you. You loved him, more than anyone could ever understand.
You loved him, more than your own life.
You didn't want to lose him.
He was the person you wanted by your side for the rest of time.
"I did say something, you didn't fully hear how the conversation went. We can sit down and talk." Your voice rose and fell in pitch as you tried to appease the lump in your throat.
He didn't respond, lowering his gaze to the ground for a moment, as if he was taking the time to think about what he would do next.
"If you're not going to make the decision, I'll help you decide."
He proceed to give you the spare keys to your house.
You stayed still before that, feeling how your eyes were filling with tears again.
Wait, hold on.
"You should search for a human male, someone who can give you what you desire more than anything."
Your body had gone completely tense.
The keys were now gently placed on your palm. Your eyes couldn't process what was happening at the moment. "I'm not going to come back."
As the moment passed and his words and his action were processed in your mind, you slowly managed to raise your face to look at him.
You felt as if at any moment your heart would explode in your chest.
He was going to break up with you. He wanted to break.
Boothill was going to leave you.
"I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill your desire." He started to speak again.
You could hear the disappointment in his words.
"That's it?" You asked through your tears.
That was the last thing he was going to tell you?
Your question was ignored.
"Take care… Darlin'."
In response you didn't manage to say a single word.
You just watched him leave your house.
As you watched the door close, your legs betrayed you and you almost fell to the ground, but managed to hold on to the furniture.
It was impossible for you to contain your tears as they now fell like waves, your breathing became heavy and the sobs were now unbearable.
You had a terrible time that night, that week, that month, that year.
How unfortunate.
"Be careful. Hold on to the ice cream you might drop, dear."
You let out a soft sigh looking at the little girl.
Your little girl.
The little girl was full of energy, you always wondered where she could get so much energy.
You adored her with your life, thanks to her you were able to stop being stuck in that hole of hopelessness in which you were.
You really wonder what things would have been like if you hadn't had the opportunity to raise and care for this little girl.
Currently it has been 6 years since your relationship ended.
Every time you stop to remember what the first 2 years were like, a chill would run down your spine. You basically left yourself abandoned. You weren't living anymore, you just survived. Your dreams of having children faded over time, you decided to give up on that dream.
You could say that it had been a difficult year, with many ups and downs.
At the end of your second year, your friends tried to cheer you up. They tried to get involved with other people, but it was all in vain, in the end they were just people who wanted to take advantage or make use of your body.
So you also chose to stop that. In your mind, you still had hope that one day he would return. However, you saw it as impossible. Because he left, it's not like it was the first time they had disagreements or big misunderstandings.
Quite apart from that, he also noticed your actions, becoming more and more discouraged with the passage of time.
For the third year, one of your friends who worked in a hospital, told you about the most recent crisis she had attended to while she was on duty.
The mother of a girl who was about 1 year old had just died and there were no records of family connections or anything.
So the hospital staff tried to take care of the little girl as much as they could. Since they knew that child care centers were not the best at taking care of children.
You don't really remember how things happened. By the middle of the third year, you were trying to get custody of the girl.
Things turned out well for you, everything happened too fast.
You were more than dedicated to her, going to new parent courses, reading books, watching videos, among other things. It was like the world gave you another chance.
You were finishing ordering your own flavor of ice cream, holding a baby carriage with one of your hands. Yes, you also fought to get the adoption papers for the baby who was barely 9 months old.
"Mom! I dropped it!" Your little girl's small voice shouted, sounding worried and sad.
You finished asking, turning your head towards the scream, sighing and laughing softly. "Leave it there, honey. Come, I'll buy you another one."
She came running again, smiling that she would have another new ice cream.
"This is the last one I bought, be more careful this time." You spoke to her with a somewhat stern voice as you watched her jump with joy, extending her small hands towards the employee who was handing her her new ice cream.
"'Kay!" She let go quickly and ran again in the opposite direction from where you were.
You shook your head as you went back to paying for the ice cream.
The little girl left the games, moving a little away from the initial place where she was. She was a little distracted, walking while happily eating her ice cream.
In one of those, she turned her gaze, opening her small eyes in surprise, now running again in that direction.
He approached a tall man, who seemed to be in his own world at that moment.
With all the daring in the world, the little girl spoke. "You look like my daddy!"
The girl's voice caught the man's attention, looking at her with complete curiosity. "Um…" He looked up, looking around, looking for his parents.
When he didn't find anything, he got a little worried. "Where are your parents?"
The little girl was more than amazed analyzing the man. "My mommy is over there." She said, pointing in the direction she had come from.
Meanwhile, when you finished paying for the ice cream, you looked for your daughter.
Not seeing her nearby, you thought the worst, adrenaline rising through your veins little by little. You started looking for her while shouting her name out loud and asking people near the playground if they had seen her.
You were so scared that your hands were shaking, you had left your freshly bought ice cream on the store counter.
Approximately 5 or 6 minutes passed until in the distance you saw a Little girl running towards you.
A strong sense of relief filled you.
By the time she finished running, coming to stand in front of you, the first thing you did was to bend down and hug her.
“Clementine! You scared me, honey.”
The little girl slipped her arms around you, reciprocating the hug. Then, as if remembering something, she pulled away as she turned her head back.
“Look mommy, that man looks just like daddy.” She spoke, excitedly.
You looked at her in confusion, picking yourself up off the floor, grabbing the baby carriage with one hand again. You looked up, and saw who your daughter meant.
You felt as if all the air in your lungs had disappeared. Your eyes could no longer open.
Your heart was now beating painfully hard in your chest.
Why is…? How…? Is it…? Your mind was a complete chaos of thoughts, all of them racing through your mind and making it feel like it would explode. Your head feels light and you feel dizzy.
You were so shocked that you couldn't even react, not blinking again or being able to move an inch.
You couldn't take your eyes off him. He was there, standing in the distance, looking back at you.
His white hair now tied in a low ponytail. His gaze, piercing and intense, remained the same, just like your memory.
He felt so many things at once. Even how fate came to work at the perfect time for you to name your little girl that name. The same way he named his daughter.
A mixture of surprise and disbelief had taken hold of him, but his body betrayed him.
His body, without even processing in his mind what he was doing, began to approach slowly.
You seemed as if you were frozen in time, he watched you as if no time had passed. Your appearance was almost identical to how he remembered you 6 years ago. The only thing was your hair, which was now short, almost to your shoulders.
"Lil' lady."
Boothill's voice sounded in the small space, watching the young girl turn her gaze towards him.
He held out his hand in front of him, letting the little girl take his fingers. “I'm Boothill, dear. May I know what's your name?”
He introduced himself to her, since moments before he had not had the opportunity to do so.
She looked at him intrigued, squeezing the fingers that held her as she raised her face to speak.
"I'm Clementine!" She replied excitedly, raising her shoulders in an excited gesture.
Your daughter, turned her little head towards you, still holding Boothill's metal hand. "Mommy, he even has a name like daddy!"
No matter how much you tried to formulate words, nothing came out of your mouth.
The child's innocence was endearing.
He just laughed softly, a warm, somewhat nostalgic smile forming on his face. “Yeah, we got the same name.”
The fact that there was a little girl right there who was calling him "daddy" and he had no idea what was going on was a complicated situation. But, he also couldn't help but find it so cute and lovely that he couldn't stop smiling even if he wanted to.
He turned his gaze to you, taking a few seconds before speaking.
"Can we talk?" His tone had a hint of imploration.
You nodded your head weakly in response.
As you did so, you heard your daughter speak again, this time in a more shy and embarrassed manner.
"Dadd— Mr. Boothill!"
"Yes, darlin'?" He tilted his head to the side, focusing his gaze on the girl in front of him again.
"Can you hold me?"
"Clementine!" You reproached her for her question, she didn't even know Boothill well and she was already being open with him. Besides, you didn't want him to get upset about it.
He was a little surprised by such a bold and direct request, but he couldn't say no, of course.
"Hah, sure, why not?"
He had to kneel down to take her gently in his arms.
Seeing your daughter in his arms was one of the most surreal scenes you had ever experienced.
Once he picked her up, she put her arms around his neck, feeling a little safe and comfortable being held in his arms. He gave you a warm smile to reassure you so as not to make you more uneasy than you already seemed.
Although that gesture of his made you even more uneasy. You avoided his gaze, looking at your baby, who was still sleeping peacefully in the stroller.
As you started walking towards your house, you could hear how people nearby whispered as they pointed at the scene.
"He's so tall!" "What a cute girl!" "It looks like it's his dad…"
You bit your tongue lightly, trying to ignore all the sounds.
Looking at his expression, you could tell that he was confused, maybe even a little overwhelmed. The way his eyebrows knitted together and there was a slight frown on his face.
He had that same nervous look on his face as before. He was as bad at hiding his emotions as you.
You remained silent throughout the small stroll of approximately 10 minutes. You could feel his gaze on you, but you didn't dare look at him. There was no doubt that a tense aura surrounded you.
You arrived at the front of your somewhat large house. It wasn't the same one you had 6 years ago, you moved because you needed more space for your children.
You unlocked the door, and let him in, he still had Clementine in his arms as the girl had her face hidden in his neck since she had fallen asleep.
Once the door was closed, you looked at her for a moment, a soft tender look filled your features. After you finished observing her, you turned your gaze towards him.
The room had a warm and cozy atmosphere, with a pleasant temperature that made it easier to breathe.
Both you and Boothill stayed quiet for a few seconds before you spoke again.
“Can you lay her down on the couch?”
You told him as you squared your other baby's stroller. Taking him out of this and carefully taking him to his room, so that he could continue sleeping.
He obeyed your request, carefully laying her down. He took a few seconds to take a good look at the child's face.
He noticed how her small chest rose and fell steadily on the surface of the couch’s pillows, letting out small and soft sighs in the process.
By the time you returned to the living room, he was sitting on the couch, frowning a little and deep in thought.
You let out a quiet sigh, trying to mentally prepare yourself for what was coming.
You also sat on the couch, only on one that was almost in front of him.
Seeing you close to him left him breathless.
Now he was able to see you much more closely.
The same bright and unique eyes, the same small and soft lips.
The expression on your face was a mix of nervousness and discomfort.
He remained silent for a couple of seconds, still trying to process everything.
He parted his lips, finally starting to speak.
"You managed—"
"Sorry for—"
You and him literally spoke at the same time.
You immediately became silent for a moment, feeling a little nervous and embarrassed.
A small, almost unintentional chuckle escaped his lips. Despite everything, the situation was somewhat funny and entertaining.
“You go first.”
He spoke in a gentle, almost sweet voice. His gaze remained focused on yours, paying attention to your expression.
You could feel your mouth going dry, the words not wanting to come out of your throat.
You fidgeted a little, feeling somewhat guilty about what you wanted to say.
"Ah, I'm sorry…" A small gasp escaped your lips as you tried to find the right way to say it. "…for the fact that my daughter said you looked like and had the same name as her dad."
You wondered where the security had gone and the many words you had thought and even rehearsed saying to him the first time you saw him again.
“Oh, nah, that's alright."
He chuckled again, sounding somewhat calm and even amused.
Your nervousness only grew as you felt embarrassed. You thought maybe he would get mad or upset.
The room was silent again.
It went like this for a few minutes until he spoke.
"You managed to have children." He said, with some nostalgia.
"Yeah…I managed."
Your voice came out shakier than you originally planned.
You didn't want him to know how nervous you were, you didn't want him to know that your heart was racing a thousand beats a minute and that you were thinking over and over again about so many scenarios, most of them bad.
He seemed to notice your nervousness, even though you tried to hide it.
He gave a reassuring smile before continuing to speak.
"It…surprises and makes me quite happy." He admitted with sincerity.
You only chose to smile at him in response in a somewhat shy manner.
"By the way, your husband won't be upset that I'm here?" he asked.
“Upset? That's an interesting choice of word.”
A slightly sad expression appeared on your face. Your lips curved downward and your eyebrows frowned.
He had misunderstood you.
You didn't know if you should clarify his comment, if you should explain to him or if you should keep quiet.
You sighed, deciding to speak and be honest with the cowboy.
“Boothill…I don't have a husband…”
The cowboy's eyes widened at the sound of the words coming out of your mouth.
He couldn't tell if you were just kidding or if you were saying it seriously. He was really confused.
"Did you divorce?" he asked.
You shook your head. You lowered your gaze, staring at your fingers on your hands that were clasped together.
“That…” You hesitated for a few moments, searching for the right words. “That implies having been married in the first place. I was never married."
You spoke as you raised your head again, looking at him with a small smile.
"…I'm a single mom, Boothill.”
The cowboy was surprised at the news. He expected many possibilities, but he certainly hadn't thought of this one.
After letting this information sink in, he looked at you with a confused expression.
"But your daughter said I looked like her father—"
Despite all the clues you gave him to understand the situation, he still didn't reach the true conclusion.
That gave you some humor, you assumed he would be nervous.
You let out a small laugh, looking away from him for a moment.
"I adopted my two children." You said once you stopped laughing, looking at your daughter, who was still sleeping peacefully on the couch next to you.
"And…maybe I made the mistake of telling Clementine about you."
He was silent for a few moments as he continued to process the information you had just given him.
Oh.
The expression in his eyes changed from one of confusion to one of surprise.
His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly in shock as he seemed unable to form any words.
He couldn’t help but feel a tinge of guilt and guilt at all the conclusions that passed through his mind.
“Wait…”
A few uncomfortable seconds passed before he continued. "Why do you say that?"
"Uhm…" You also took care to organize your words, so that they were direct.
And, before you could answer him, your baby, who was sleeping in his room, started crying. Probably because it was time for him to eat.
You quickly got up from the couch, smiling apologetically at him as you left the living room to enter your other son's room.
He watched as you ran into the room.
The cowboy was so distracted with the news you had told him before leaving that he couldn’t help but hear the whole exchange that was going on in the room next door.
Your voice was low and gentle, almost singing to soothe the baby’s cries.
It was like a rollercoaster of emotions.
He leaned back against the backrest of the couch, covering his face with his free hand.
He had to digest all that had happened.
Not only did you manage to have children, but you never married and on top of that you got custody of two children that you did not give birth to.
After a few minutes, you were able to finish feeding your little baby.
The crying had stopped, leaving him in a calm state.
You were able to leave the baby's room once again. Only this time with your son in your arms since he didn't want to sleep again.
As soon as you reentered the room and saw the cowboy’s position, you laughed internally, letting out a soft sigh.
You sat on the couch, but this time next to him. Placing the baby in your legs.
"Sorry for the delay."
You stayed quiet for a while, watching as your son grabbed your fingers and played with them.
"When she was younger she found a photo of both of us. And well…I had to tell her about the relationship we had." You sounded a little embarrassed, however you were no longer nervous, on the contrary, you were calm.
He dropped his hand from his face and turned to look at you, but you continued to look down at your baby.
He listened to your words for a few seconds, now putting his hand on his chin, pondering the new information you had given him.
"And she thought I was…?"
He wasn’t quite sure how to say it without being too frank, but you had a small smile on your lips, guessing what his words would be.
You nodded your head, looking up at his face and watching his expression change.
His initial surprise soon turned into something else.
Your little girl believed and thought that a cowboy like him was her father.
How cute.
You still remember when you had to tell him about your past relationship. Your daughter was barely 2 years old when she found letters and a photo. Specifically from you and Boothill.
Before her gaze full of curiosity and many questions she asked you, you were transparent with her and told her about what your relationship with him was like.
That afternoon, she began referring to him as her dad.
You, who couldn't imagine that in perhaps other circumstances you could have considered starting a family with him, you let him call him that.
Telling him more things about him, that he didn't always stop on your planet, etc.
You allowed yourself to remember him that way, since over time you managed to stick to his words; "I'm not going to come back."
The room fell silent. Your gaze focused on the baby in your legs, as he held onto your fingers, his gaze locked on Boothill.
"I assumed you would never come back so I let Clementine continue calling you that." Your voice sounded somewhat bitter as you spoke.
He remained silent for a few moments before a small laugh escaped his mouth.
"That explains why she said I looked like her dad." His own words had made it all make sense to him at that moment.
"Yeah…"
You both remained in front of the other in an awkward silence, you didn't really know how to continue the conversation.
Your daughter's words kept replaying in your mind.
“You look like my daddy! “ She said it was as if no time had passed. In your head you couldn't help but think that it felt like 6 years ago, it felt like the first time you met him…
You were so immersed in your thoughts that you felt a shiver run down your spine.
His eyes, watching you so intensely, felt like they were burning you from within.
“Why didn't you get a partner?…” he dared to ask, in a tone of voice you couldn't identify this time.
You didn't expect that question.
"Uh…"
It was the only thing you could articulate, since once again you were at a loss for words.
You avoided his gaze a bit, looking at a random spot on the floor. You didn't know how to answer that, or rather… you didn't know if you wanted to answer.
When you didn't answer, Boothill thought you didn't want to talk to him. He understood he was probably overstepping a line.
"It's okay, you don't have to—"
But he was interrupted by your voice, after finally finding the words that were lost inside your mind.
“Because I was waiting for you." Your voice came out slow. Fragile as a whisper.
You had been waiting for it. Past time.
Again you avoided looking directly at him but you could practically feel his stunned gaze on you.
He hadn't expected that answer. Instead he had expected many excuses.
'I'm not interested in a relationship.' 'I focus on my children and myself.' 'I never found the right person.'
Anything, anything. But not that.
She waited for me…? He thought.
He continued to analyze you with a stunned expression, seeing the state you were in, and then a pang of regret hit him.
He wanted to say many things. He wanted to apologize.
But his own words felt caught in his throat. His mouth parted open a little, but he couldn't say anything. His mind went totally blank.
Faced with his other lack of speech, you chose to go straight to the point this time.
"Why did you come back?" Bitterness and nostalgia.
"…What do you want of me?" Frustration and sorrow.
Those were your emotions that predominated in you at that moment.
What were you looking for? Did he want to leave you in ruins again? You didn't want to feel vulnerable again. Even though now you're feeling that way again.
Those words hit him like a punch in the face.
The frustration and sadness in your voice only made him feel worse about himself, his guilt increased as every word left your mouth.
He couldn't find the words he wanted to say. His mind was a mess, and every time he tried to start speaking. Only some incoherent sounds came out of his mouth. He tried to speak, but his words died in his throat.
His eyes watched you desperately, not knowing what to say. He felt how in those moments he had become a total idiot. A completely lost man.
"I wanted to see if you were okay." His voice also sounded like a whisper, calmly.
Your words sounded almost like reproaches, which they truly were.
There were so many things you wanted to tell him, so many questions that you wanted answered but you were holding back. You just couldn't find the words as well.
"I…" He started again, with difficulty.
"I never forgot about you."
At his words, you couldn't help but frown.
"Forget…?"
You were now even more frustrated. Frustrated with him, and even more frustrated with yourself for still feeling this way about him.
"It is unfair." you said, your eyes now filling with tears, you were holding back the urge to let your feelings out.
"After being gone for 6 damn years, you come back and tell me that?…" You refused to look at him, because if you did, everything you had been ignoring, your feelings and sorrows, were coming to the surface.
"It's too unfair…" You felt your vision now blurry and the salty taste of your tears on your lips, which simply came out without delay.
Your baby, who had stopped seeing Boothill, was looking at you, as if sensing your discomfort, grabbing your fingers with his small hands, bringing them to his small face.
The cowboy was beginning to understand your frustration, he was frustrated himself, he felt guilty that after so much time he was back in your life, and that you had to cry because of him.
He could say that you looked more vulnerable than he remembered, with your body shaking as you cried and your voice breaking and filling with frustration, despair and sadness.
You couldn't stop the tears from coming out like a waterfall.
You felt a lump in your throat as you tried to keep yourself from sobbing as much.
Each time you inhaled to take a breath, your exhale became a small broken sob.
You never thought that the reunion would be like this. When you dreamed of his return, it was always a happy dream, a warm and emotional reunion.
But it wasn't, it was the opposite.
The last time he saw you, you were crying, and now that he saw you again, you were crying again.
He brought his hand to you, trying to wipe the tears that were now freely falling from your eyes.
His touch alone sent a small shiver through your body.
You moved backwards away from the touch, shaking your head as if telling him not to do that.
His touch brought you too many memories that you'd tried to bury for a long time.
It made you miss him even more, miss the good times you had when it was just the two of you.
That simple thought caused another sob that escaped from your lips. The tears continued uninterruptedly.
"Please no."
He wanted to hold you, embrace you tightly, wipe away your tears and tell you that he wouldn't leave you again, never again.
But just a minute ago you had tried to keep away from his touch, so the only thing he could do at the moment was to keep his hands to himself.
Seeing you in this state, crying bitterly and being speechless and motionless, made him not want to move from his place. As much as he wanted desperately to hold you, he just stayed there, watching.
"Darlin', I-" He spoke, being totally interrupted by your daughter, who had just woken up.
His words echoed within you, calling you darlin'…
"Mommy? Why are you crying?"
Her small voice cut through the tense, silent atmosphere of the room. Like an oasis in the middle of the desert.
You were surprised, since you hadn't even realized that your baby had woken up, probably because of your small cries.
You turned your head quickly, looking at her as she rubbed her eyes, trying to wake up properly.
You wanted to speak, but all the words seemed to have escaped your brain. The only thing that came out of your mouth was a strangled sigh, trying to calm yourself as you wiped away the tears that continued to fall.
Until you finally managed to answer her, "I'm fine love, don't worry.", with a small, forced smile. Trying to convince her that you were fine, even though your face was red and tearful.
With one hand free, you managed to run your hand over your face, wiping away the traces of tears.
Your little girl's face was troubled as she looked at you.
You let out a sigh, asking her to come closer.
She did and you brushed a small unruly strand of her hair behind her ear.
“Honey, can you take your little brother to your room with you?” your voice to her was always sweet and soft.
“'kay, mommy.”
Despite your still teary eyes, you laughed softly at your daughter's obedience. “What a good girl.” You said in a whisper.
Just as you said, she carefully picked up the baby in your arms and walked with slow steps to her room.
Once she disappeared after closing the door to her room, you covered your mouth with your hand, in an attempt to stop the sobs that arose.
You felt his gaze on you at all times, which made your eyes sting even more. Maybe you should have refused his proposal to talk.
“Please.” At first his voice faltered a bit, being more of a whisper. Almost afraid of being expelled from his mouth.
Suddenly you felt the couch move quickly. By the time you realized it, he was already holding your face.
The metal of his hands made the heat in your cheeks from crying cool down.
With an undaunted look, he spoke again, “Please…”
Oh, if he had a way to cry, he'd be doing it right now.
“…give me 6 more years.” Even though he couldn't feel the warmth emanating from your cheeks, its softness that he only felt when your face and his face collided. He wanted you to feel his touch, soft and caring, like a piece of porcelain.
You stood still, not struggling to release his grip, your eyes focused on his.
He knew he didn't even deserve to make a request, but he wanted to try anyway.
“Give me those years you lost to try to make up for.” Just by looking at him, you could sense that he himself was two words, “please” and “sorry”.
You were terrified by his proposal, you were afraid that a similar situation would happen again. Your brain did its best to reason, while your heart gave itself totally to him, to accept his proposal.
Your mouth opened slightly, looking for words to come out, but nothing came out. Not even sobs. The only ones that came out were tears.
He didn't stop talking, he was letting the feeling that was eating him up inside take over him. “And… if in that time I don't make up for how bad you felt, I'll stop trying.”
He felt like a dog with its tail between its legs. Begging, but in a way more shameful. He was putting his pride aside by giving you this proposal.
And yes, he himself believed that only 6 years was not enough time to be able to ask for forgiveness in appropriate ways.
Your shoulders moved involuntarily and you finally started sobbing again. Even though you wanted to yell at him like you had done in the past on some occasion, you were too overwhelmed to even do that right now.
His words affected you more than you expected.
As much as you struggled to hold on to reasons, your heart longed for his presence every day for the last 6 years.
All the suffering you felt, the tears you shed, and the times you wondered what your relationship was worth to him.
It was painful. Thinking of all those things made your chest ache.
Even in such a delicate conversation, he did not release your face, still holding it tightly in his hands.
He gently wiped away your tears with his thumb for a few minutes, as if he were cleaning a mirror, which was useless and ridiculous, but he didn't care. He hoped to at least make you comfortable. He could tell how hurt you were from the tears, and it shattered his heart into pieces, leaving no trace behind.
He was scared. He was scared that you didn't want him again like before. And he understood you if you didn't.
“Let me try, please.”
You could see a deep regret in his eyes as he caressed your cheeks.
Those feelings.
You closed your eyes tightly, trying to avoid seeing that look on him.
You couldn't think, not when he was touching you that way.
His touch, a feeling that you thought you would feel no more.
You felt your heart contract at his words, his proposal echoed in your mind, repeating itself continuously.
Despite the fact that you didn't give him a direct answer, you made him close his mouth, pressing your body against his.
You really longed for it for so long.
You still weren't entirely sure if his proposal would work, but it was at least worth letting him try. Who knows how things would turn out this time.
He didn't expect your reaction, but when your body was pushed against his, his chest felt so full. He reciprocated quickly, wrapping his arms around you tightly.
He felt like he had you all to himself again. It filled him in a way he couldn't describe.
He closed his eyes gently, burying his face in your neck. The scent of you still hadn't changed, it still felt the same.
He let out a shaky breath, his arms not loosening their grip on you.
Now it only depended on time for things to get better. Time and him.
Maybe he could even really become the father of your little ones. Who knows.
How unfortunate he felt.
©cherrylovelycherry do not repost, copy, translate, modify
#honkai star rail boothill#honkai star rail fanfic#honkai x reader#hsr x reader#hsr#honkai star rail#honkai sr#boothill x reader#boothill#hsr boothill#boothill hsr#boothill x you#boothill x y/n#angst#hsr angst#hsr x you#fem reader#𐙚nanaswrites𓂅
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Hopeless - LN
Lando Norris x fem!reader (mentions of Charles Leclerc x fem!reader)
Summary: and you know damn well that for you, I would ruin myself a million little times
Word count: 2012
Themes: angst, forbidden love(?)
Warnings: cheating, charles is a bad boyfriend, cursing, Oscar knows everything, barely proofread, not a happy ending
Notes: I watched one too many she chose me/did she? tiktoks and this was born. Also please don't take this as me condoning cheating (unless you can cheat with Lando).
Lando isn't one hundred percent sure how it began, not really. He remembers the first move, the bit of shock when you didn't reject him, but he doesn't remember how – or when or why – he fell for you. He knows he didn't just wake up one day saying to himself right today's the day I fall in love.
It all started so innocently. Right? He found out you liked gaming and casually invited you to his place to try out his setup when you mentioned you were looking to upgrade. He'd expected Charles to come with you but had shrugged it off, too excited to share his love for gaming. You stayed most of the afternoon, laughing and he'd had the tiniest of crushes by the time you left. And when you upgraded you asked him to come over to help you set it up.
Crush: intensified.
He's pretty sure he liked you so much because you didn't talk about racing with him. He could be "normal" around you, just like any other guy in his 20s who loved video games and driving fancy cars and blasting music. Soon he was dropping by or inviting you over on off days. He didn't think anything of it. You were a friend, and Charles obviously didn't mind, so why deny himself the pleasure of your company?
Crush: die-hard. To the point Max and Oscar teased him about it.
He likes you most in his apartment. On race weekends at a track you were calm, cool, and collected in designer brands, the picture perfect girlfriend of everyone's favorite Ferrari driver. But at his place, you were… Y/n. Yapping nonstop and dancing in his living room, curled up under a blanket on his sofa watching the latest period drama, in his kitchen baking treats he isnt' supposed to eat.
It was, he thought after hugging you goodbye one night, kind of like having a girlfriend without the stress.
He still dated. Casually. Because he couldn't justify putting all the time and effort into finding a girlfriend. It was so much easier to sleep around and be friends with you. Fucked up, yeah, but easier.
Then on an off weekend you showed up unannounced, looking like you wanted to cry.
And he would have done anything to keep that from happening.
"I just needed to get away," you said, and Lando nodded, letting you in and pretending the smell of your perfume didn't affect him.
You didn't want to talk about it and he didn't pressure you. He gave you the remote and fixed you a drink and parked himself on the other end of the sofa with his laptop to edit some photos while you found some old movie to put on.
"Lan?" you asked after a while.
"Hmm?" He didn't look away from his laptop.
"If Charles…" You sighed. "If he cheated on me you'd tell me wouldn't you?"
"Immediately," he said without hesitation. Then, as your words registered, he saved his progress and closed the laptop, slowly turning to look at you. "Do you think he's cheating?"
You shrugged, eyes firmly on the TV.
"Y/n. C'mon, talk to me." Lando set the laptop aside and picked up the remote to mute the TV.
"I'm just being stupid."
He waited, and then listened while you listed off the reasons you were considering that Charles was cheating. How he'd stayed out late the night before, had left early this morning for a last minute trip to the Ferrari factory. Facing you, he moved closer, until he could hold your hand. Then, when you finished, he rattled off the usual signs of cheating to see if anything matched.
You looked at him oddly. "Got a lot of experience with cheating?"
Lando giggled, as he always did when asked a stressful question. "What? Me? Nah."
"Fucking liar," you muttered, rolling your eyes.
"No, no, I never lie when I'm fucking," he said, wondering why the words were coming out of his mouth before he finished saying them. Glancing upwards, he pinched his brows together. "Well, wait, maybe I have… Like when it's mediocre but you need to get off so you say it's good?"
You laughed, which was always his goal with you. He loved your laugh, adored the way you threw your head back, and always joined in as soon as the snort you despised escaped.
"Oh god Lan," you giggled, and moved to hug him.
And he knew he was a goner. Because you felt so good in his arms. He hugged you close. He knew the healing power of a good hug but also held onto you for more selfish reasons, committing the feel of you tucked so close to his memory, breathing in the scent of you. Easing his grip as you began to pull away, he felt his breath catch in his throat when you paused, looking into his eyes.
"Thank you," you whispered.
"You know I'm always here for you." He smiled. He liked that he could make you feel better. Then, because he couldn't help himself, he had to go and ruin everything. Reaching up, he lightly smoothed your cheek with his fingers. "If he is cheating, he's a fucking moron. You're not even my girl and I can't find anyone that compares."
He still can't remember how you'd initially reacted. Surprise, probably. Maybe a little shock. But he would forever remember the way you'd breathed his name, as though Lando were a prayer, and that you'd both leaned in at the same time.
And he was certain that until his last breath he would recall every detail of what had followed. The kiss, everything pure and perfect, your hands on his neck. Him pulling you closer, both of you moaning. It had been frantic, every shred of neediness and longing pouring from his mouth to yours, every late night dream running through his mind, each fantasy he'd allowed himself to think of coming true before he'd tasted your skin.
You stayed the night, and he'd discovered that you'd fantasized, too.
***
"You good mate?"
Lando blinks, seeing Oscar in the doorway. "Yeah," he lies, rolling his shoulders. "Just thinking of strats for tomorrow."
"You've been listening to the same song for almost an hour."
Fuck. "No I haven't." He pauses the song, rubbing the back of his neck and finally moving to finish dressing. "It's a good song."
"What's going on with you? You've been acting weird for a couple months now," Oscar says.
Lando swallows the shame. It's not that he feels guilty. He's content with the arrangement between you. Not that anything is set in stone, but it's an unspoken agreement. You're still with Charles – who, it turned out, was cheating but it was a minor fling – and he's single. Technically. In his heart, he's yours.
He almost laughs because it's so beyond fucked up now.
But he can't let anyone else find out. He's been around long enough to know that you'd be the one labeled as a whore. Even though everyone's aware of Charles' infidelity, it would be your fault. And Oscar…
For someone whose entire persona is I really don't give a fuck I'm here to race, the bastard knows everything. He's like a cat. He's always there, and even when he's not listening he soaks it all in like a sponge.
He spritzes a little more cologne on himself and pulls on his hoodie. "Dunno what you're talking about, mate."
"You haven't gone out to celebrate since Miami."
Of course he hasn't. Miami was the night he'd gotten just drunk enough to dance too close to you. The secretly snapped pictures of his face in your neck are still popping up on social media. "It gets old after a while, Osc."
Oscar folds his arms over his chest and leans in the doorway. "For me, yeah. For you? Not buying it."
Goddamn the sponge cat for being so observant. Lando shrugs, maintaining he façade of yep I'm good. "Osc—"
"Is it because of y/n?"
Ice water floods his veins. He can feel the blood draining from his face and his palms begin to sweat. You've both been so careful, Miami notwithstanding. He never takes you out, makes a point to not sit too close to you in a group setting, and is his so-called normal self anytime someone else is around. It's different alone, but – oh. "You mean in Miami?" he asks casually, fixing his necklace and lifting his foot to tie his shoe.
"You were weird about her before Miami."
Oh god. "It was just a stupid crush." He ties his other shoe and checks his pockets for his wallet and hotel key. "I'm over it now."
"Lando."
"What?" He practically snaps the word out and instantly regrets it, but he can't talk to Oscar about this. Oscar will never be able to understand. "Look, I gotta go, need to get rest for tomorrow."
"Oh. I thought… I guess you are over it." Oscar gives a tiny shrug.
Lando freezes. "Why are you talking in riddles?"
"You didn't see them fighting?"
He jerks his head to stare at his teammate. When he speaks, his voice nearly cracks. "Fighting?"
"Well, arguing. I don't know what about, I didn't catch any of it. I only saw him trying to talk to her and she shoved him and stormed off."
No wonder you haven't replied to his texts. His hand aches to pull out his phone and call you to check on you. To make sure you're okay. You and Charles don't fight often but Lando knows of your tendency to go and cry until you figure out a resolution. "What did they fight about?"
"I don't know."
Lando swallows anxiously, pulling out his phone and checking the time. "Where'd she go?"
"No clue."
"You're really no fucking help," Lando mutters, shoving his phone into his pocket and brushing past him to leave the room.
"Thought you were over it?" Oscar asks softly.
Lando freezes again, anguish twisting in his chest at the thought of ever being over you. "I… She's my friend. It's… Y/n… She's…"
"She's what?"
Everything but his. Real and true and more than he ever thought he could have. His daily sunshine and his nightly fantasy. The open ear when he's having a rough go, the tight embrace when he needs grounding. His source of peace and his greatest torment.
"Fucking hell, mate," Oscar whispers.
"I gotta go," Lando says.
And he leaves, not sure why he feels so anxious all of a sudden. Everything feels off. He tells himself it's because Oscar knows, or at least thinks he knows, and that's got to be the reason. He's fine. You're fine. Nothing's changing just because you had a fight with Charles. It'll blow over and by morning things will be as they have been.
The trip to the hotel seems to take forever and he's even more uneasy as he sits in traffic a few cars back from the valet. He should have gotten an Uber or caught a ride with someone. Despite the air conditioning going he's sweating, because you still haven't replied to his texts, and when he tries to call you it goes straight to voicemail.
Hey y/n, call me when you can?
But you don't.
He stays up late, hoping you'll at least send him a text letting him know you're okay. His sleep is restless, plagued with the worst possible scenarios. When his alarm goes off he hits snooze one too many times and so has to rush to the track, trying to push everything out of his mind as race time approaches. Checking social media so he can engage with the team posts hyping up his and Oscar's starting positions, he can only stare at the screen when Instagram loads.
You. And Charles. Cozied up like soulmates. There's candlelight and flowers.
But all he can stare at is the diamond on your finger. And, just beneath the photo, Charles' short caption.
She said yes.
*~end~*
#f1#f1 fic#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris imagine#my writings > ln
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When ATEEZ members give you back hugs, reaction post! [hyung line ver.]
<3 Hongjoong
•Hongjoong had invited you to visit him in his new studio when you were free from work. It was getting pretty hard to spend time with your bf nowadays, and the only way you could be together was if you visited him in his studio while he was working. You took up on the offer because, why not? You would also get to see how his new studio looked like and you were excited.
•When you finally reached, hongjoong welcomed you warmly, showing you around his new studio proudly: the brand new gigantic sofa, the decorative lights, the new computer setup, everything looked amazing. You couldn't take your eyes off your surroundings, hongjoong had decorated it on quite a minimalist manner yet it looked stylish, you definitely felt that it was truly his style.
•Your breath almost hitched in your throat as two arms wrapped around your waist, slowly, as you examined a few paintings he hung at the top of the wall. "Looks good, doesn't it? Do you like it, babe?" He asked, his voice low. You placed your own palm above his arms wrapped around you, caressing it softly. "It looks amazing, joong. You're surely gonna love working here from now on." You said, a blush creeping up on your cheeks when he pulled you even closer to him.
"I missed you. It's sad that the only way we can spend time nowadays is when you visit me while I'm at work." He sounded frustrated. You felt disappointed about that too, ofcourse, but thats just how it was: your work timings and his were different so the only time when you truly got to spend time with him was during the weekends.
"I missed you too, love. Lets plan a short trip for this weekend, even if it's two days, we'll make the most of the time we have together." You tried your best to sound enthusiastic. Hongjoong always loved that about you, how you tried to be happy in front of him even though he knew you were disappointed sometimes.
"That sounds great. Now that you're here, let me order your favourite food, then we can plan the trip today itself." His arms left your waist, and his fingers naturally intertwined with yours, as he led you towards the couch. You both sat comfortably there, spending your precious time together to the fullest.
<3 Seonghwa
• You had a pretty bad day. Might just be the worst day of your life, nothing seemed to work out the way you wanted it to- you accidentally dropped your favourite mug and hot coffee spilled all over your brand new work outfit, you were late for the bus at the bus stop and you barely managed to get work and reply to mails at work, your senior had asked you to take over an absent employee's work but you couldn't get it done efficiently and got a lot of hearing from your boss regarding the same.
• Hence, here you were, sitting at the edge of your bed that you shared with your bf, your head buried in your knees as you quietly sobbed. Seonghwa was going to be home soon and you wanted to stop crying and try to be normal because you did not want to make him worry, he was going to be quite tired himself from practice. But you couldn't help it, you cried half of the time and half of the time you cursed yourself mentally.
• You almost started to get a migraine because of how much you had cried till now. You didn't even notice that Seonghwa came back home, calling out for you. At this point, you felt that you were about to have a bad anxiety attack.
"Y/N, you're already home?" He called out, searching for you and cautiously approached your shared bedroom, entering only once he noticed that the door was slightly open.
"Sweetheart? What are you doing here?" He asked, noticing your hunched shoulders, your back faced him as he entered. Without another word, he sat behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he pulled you closer to his chest. Seonghwa did not need to say anything else, he knew how you were when you were at your lowest and knew exactly what you wanted- physical affection. You immediately leaned into his embrace, your head resting against his shoulder.
"Breathe in, and out- yes, that's it. You're okay. Everything's okay, I'm here." Seonghwa hummed in satisfaction as your breathing was under control, and if he hadn't come now you would have already had a pretty bad anxiety attack. His hands moved on slow, comforting circles on your arms, his embrace truly was the most comforting thing in the world.
"I got pretty worried when I reached home and didn't see you in the living room. What happened, love?" He asked after a while.
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." You let out, slowly facing him as you felt better and calmed down. Seonghwa reached out for your face, his fingers gently wiping your tear stained cheeks. "Please, don't apologise for this. You know that I'm always here for you. Wanna talk about it?" You nodded, but before that Seonghwa quickly got up and bought you a glass of water, watching you with a soft smile at the corner of his lips as you slowly chugged the water down. "Good. Now tell me who i have to deal with, who made you cry like this?" He asked, sounding quite serious.
"It's nothing, hwa. I just happened to have the worst day ever, all because of my clumsiness." You let out with a huff, and Seonghwa placed a chaste kiss on your forehead. He listened to you rant about anything and everything, all night- your worst day had apparently become so much better because of Seonghwa.
<3 Yunho
• It was the weekend, you got up quite earlier than usual instead of staying in bed and sleeping longer. Your stomach grumbled violently, you remembered how you barely had dinner last night because you were trying intermittent fasting to loose some weight. As you thought about whipping up a breakfast that was healthy and could make you full as well, you slowly untangled yunho's arms around your shoulders, careful not to wake him up and headed towards the bathroom to brush first and then made your way towards the kitchen.
• The first light of dawn streamed towards the kitchen window, as you softly hummed to yourself while flipping some eggs and reached the cutting board to slice up a few avocados to add on top. All of a sudden, a pair of strong arms encircled your waist, making you flinch. "Geez, can you atleast give me a warning!!!" You let out, calming down instantly as you saw Yunho's adorable still-sleepy face and he backed down a little, rubbing his eyes. You chuckled, placed his arms around your waist once again and continued slicing up the avocados.
• "You seriously get scared by the smallest stuff, don't you?" He teased, now fully awake. "Not my fault that you hug me from behind out of nowhere. You know I flinch easily."
"Good morning to you too." He replied instead, placing his chin firmly on your shoulder, observing your every little move on the cutting board. You hummed, now reaching out for the whole wheat bread packet. Yunho's eyes landed on your neck, and he detached his chin from your shoulders, smirking to himself. A noticeable, reddish spot, a hickey- at the right side of your neck. "What are you doing?" You asked, as your eyes met his and you glanced down sideways, trying your best to see what exactly he was staring at and tracing that made him so smug. He now placed a kiss exactly at the spot where he gave you a hickey, admiring it.
•"You're insane, you know that? I'll have to cover that up with makeup now, I have work tomorrow..." You sighed, but at the same time you couldn't hide the blush that formed on your cheeks as you remembered what exactly had happened last night.
"I'll do it more often now. How about I suck at a spot right besides this one?" Yunho teased, as you swatted your arm playfully at his, he lightly stumbled behind. "That's what you get for being mean first thing in the morning." You pouted, but reached forward and placed a soft kiss on his cheek regardless when he flashed you his best innocent puppy face smile.
"Go brush and sit, I'll cook some eggs for you too." You said and he nodded, practically running towards the bathroom because apparently he was very hungry, too.
<3 Yeosang
• It was a day off for the both of you. Regardless, you had to get some work done from home because you had been procrastinating for the same. After having breakfast together, yeosang was sitting on the couch, gaming in your living room and you sat at the work desk in your room, carefully reviewing mails and getting such work done.
• You spent 2 hours consistently working, and although your chair was quite comfortable your shoulders started to ache badly. Right when you were groaning about your shoulder pain, Yeosang entered your room, passing you a gentle smile. He came up behind you, wrapping his arms all around your neck, and you giggled when his breath tickled your ears.
"You've been working since hours, y/nnie~ come on, it's time to have lunch." He said, staring at your laptop screen and you typed hurriedly, your stomach grumbling at the mention of lunch, you were quite hungry.
"Just a few minutes, then we can order something. Ah, my shoulder hurts, can you move behind a little?" You asked, and Yeosang immediately removed his hands from your neck, resting them gently on your shoulders instead.
"Sorry, I didn't realise. You want me to massage them? I'm sure you'll feel relieved if I do, I'm quite skilled." He added.
"Yes, please. Thank you in advance, yeo." You sighed in pleasure as he bagan to knead your shoulders with him thumbs, applying gentle pressure to the knots that had formed from hours of tension. His fingers worked expertly, finding the tight spots and easing the stiffness with slow, deliberate movements.
"Make sure to take breaks in between. You overwork yourself sometimes." He said, continuing to massage your shoulders skillfully. "I will, thank you. You're the best." You continued to work for a few minutes more as Yeosang sat on your bed, watching you. When your work was finally done, you got up, and Yeosang reached for you, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek. "Let's order something, I'm starving."
"How about we watch the drama you're currently watching, while having lunch?" You said, knowing how much Yeosang loved watching that drama. "That'd be perfect, let's go." He smiled, leading you towards the living room.
#ateez#ateez imagines#ateez x reader#ateez reactions#ateez fanfic#ateez ff#ateez fic#ateez fluff#ateez recs#ateez x y/n#ateez kpop#ateez hongjoong#ateez seonghwa#ateez yunho#ateez yeosang#yeosang#yunho#hongjoong#seonghwa#yeosang imagines#yunho imagines#hongjoong imagines#seonghwa imagines#kpop imagines#atzsource#atz fluff#atz x reader#atz#atz imagines#ateez x you
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BNHA Chapter 425 - Thoughts
So I guess Hori did decide to just skip the end of the battle, my hospital academia and go straight to UA graduation?
It was teased back in Ch 360, so yeah it needed to happen and it seems like drawing Neijire is a special happy place for Hori (also the sketch he couldn't even wait until Sunday to drop, lol)
Mic DJ-ing right after ShiraGiri's death is sort of odd, but on top of the gags, there are some more serious moments.
What stood out to me was Mirio's comment about how the heroes' fight "is always for the sake of returning the negatives to zero on the whole." It reminded me of Ch 341 - The Story of how We All Became Heroes Minus ① which featured Touya, Toga, Spinner and of course Tomura suffering the transformation. So I can't help but feel it's related to the LoV's fate.
The class is together 😭 crying like a proud parent (whose tumblr handle just became obsolete).... and Aizawa is staying. Yay. After 400+ chapters they made it to second year!!!
Bakugou omg, out of the hospital in a tie which he somehow tied with one hand, being calm... (it's still odd to the others? - but I guess his apology happened like 3 weeks ago in-verse). It seems like he might end up with a scar, just like Izuku (and it's a bit like Kudou's, of course).
Aoyama leaving - I talked about this in one of the asks, but for me it's ok that it's his choice being respected and that the class clearly would be happy to have him stay. Though I wonder if his parents are just suddenly given amnesty for being "AFO's victims" and what that may mean for other villains.
Shinsou joins Class A long at last. Yay! Is he going to get Aoyama's room or join the 5th floor boys? I do wonder if the kids are still in the dorms even.
The Fuwa-stans are getting fed. But Class 2-A (can't get used to this...) will take a year long field trip around Japan. Reminds me of the 100 million tour newpaper sketches.
I liked Shoto mentioning AFO - how he was born in an era of turmoil (which I read as him saying that preventing the rise of such villains is now). It also seems to contradict what All Might said last chapter about Deku already being the greatest hero to everyone.
But also Shouto speaks. Normal speech bubbles. Has a normal voice! Yay! (still don't get it why he didn't speak in Ch 422 though)
Izuku looks troubled. Either because of what Shouto said or because of Fuwa senpai's comments about needing to experience a sudden death to understand why you'd want to be a hero. He certainly is not ready to run celebratory circles.
Watch them all walk together (TDBK covered by Iida's speech bubble, but I recognize them from Shouto's messenger bag and Katsuki's loose pants)
OMG, these guys are a total disaster. I don't know what Deku wanted to say, but Ochako obviously shut him down (and thought it was about her "let him rest" speech which apparently the class keeps teasing her for). Also Hori is using her to explain Deku's haircut.
And here, she looks weirdly happy compared to last time, but it could be just a front...
poor Deku though... he thinks she hates his haircut
No idea who the new guy is, but looks like someone escaped / let loose from a medical facility. Could be regenerated Tenko I guess or someone similar to him who can be saved by Deku this time. I prefer it to be the real Tenko because I want to see Tenko Rising. I think he looks too young to be Deku's dad tbh.
TDDK scene !!! Yay!!! (I wonder if Deku tries to talk both to Ochako and Shouto because of his feelings about Tenko... I really badly want a saviour squad scene)
Todoroki looks hopeful but not sure if it's genuine (it could be putting on a front to stop Izuku from worrying). But his foot is like when he went to see his mom the first time, so I tend to read that right now as a good sign.
"っし" (?????) - there is definitely a shift of emotion.
Endeavor is sitting in front of a giant tank / or secure room window. (?) (Probably the same window Shouto was looking in last chapter.
From the context and framing it's clear that it's Touya. For now alive. Endeavor is finally keeping his promise and is watching.
And the editorial blurb also suggests we may get Hellish Todoroki Family 3 after the two weeks break. I'm very worried, but also since we are strapping in for a longer epilogue it seems, I don't expect things to go smoothly for them just yet.
#bnha manga spoilers#bnha manga leaks#bnha 425#c1a reads bnha#todoroki shouto#endeavor#dabi#todoroki touya#mirio togata#bnha meta#uraraka ochako#class 2 a#that's a thing now#bakugou katsuki#mystery man
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Out of Mind - Chapter 10 (Joel Miller x Female Reader)
@hiroikegawa @evyiione @orcasoul @taz-97
I'm baaaaaack! Apologies for yet another delay but I have finished my finals, all set to graduate (hopefully) and that means I have more time for you lovely people. Thank you once again for your patience, please enjoy. Also I'm going to compile a series list with all the chapters since some seem to be harder to find than others.
If anyone else wants to be the first to know when this fic is updated let me know and I'll add you to the taglist.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9
Summary: You and Joel deal with the fallout of what happened with Marcus
Warnings: [whole fic is 18+ minors DNI], it puts its age in the bio or it gets the block button, cursing, allusions to PTSD due SA but no actual descriptions of SA, hurt/comfort, Joel is nice for once
You wanted to push him away, to fight him, to tell him to go to hell, but the warmth encompassing you, the soothing words in your ear and the smooth circles on the small of your back were too good to resist.
You
You were on your back. That much you knew. You were in utter darkness, couldn't even see your hand in front of your face, the oppressive weight of nothing surrounding you. There were only two things you knew: you were lying on your back, and somebody's hands were on you. You tried to crawl away but they snuck around your waist and pulled you back. In the darkness you could hear voices whispering.
This'll go a lot easier if you don't fight back…
I'm gonna enjoy this so much more…
This'll go a lot easier…
Sweetheart…
Don't fight back…
Don't…
Fight back…
Hands were grabbing your shoulders now and shaking you violently. You tried to scream, to tell them to stop but your throat was raw and nothing would come out. Instead you thrashed wildly, hands flailing everywhere, connecting with something - chest, arms, face? You didn't care you just wanted out. Then you heard another voice in the darkness.
Kid. Stop.
You turned away, the fear replaced by anger burning hot and sore in your chest. You didn't want him either.
It's OK.
The voice was so soft and so close, right in your ear. You shook your head, your hands still flailing in the dark, looking for anything to grasp, then they found two other hands, holding yours in a firm but gentle grip.
I'm here.
I don't want you here was what you wanted to say, but when you tried to speak nothing came out but sobs, and suddenly you could feel heat and moisture on your face as tears gushed out of your eyes.
Arms were encircling you now and you could feel a hand rubbing slow and even circles on your back. You knew who it was. As the blackness gave way to dark blue, white, grey and the nothingness became trees and bushed and rocks, you remembered where you were and who you were with. You wanted to push him away, to fight him, to tell him to go to hell, but the warmth encompassing you, the soothing words in your ear and the smooth circles on the small of your back were too good to resist. So you allowed yourself to fall into his embrace, head resting in the crook of his neck as your tears continued to fall.
"You awake now hon?"
"Shut up."
"OK."
Joel
It wasn't the first time she'd woken him up. That first night after, well, it had happened, she had slammed her sleeping bag down as far away from him as safety would allow and he hadn't objected, even as they fell asleep to the sound of each other's teeth chattering. He'd woken up who-knows-how-long later to the sound of her crying out. He'd jumped up, thinking they were being attacked by infected or more of Marcus' men but instead it was just her crying in her sleep. She looked like she was trying to hit something or someone but her arms were trapped by her sleeping bag.
He hadn't meant to scare her, he just wanted to wake her, or help get her arms free because at this rate she was going to hurt herself. But the minute his hand made contact with her shoulder, her eyes snapped open and her fist made contact with his nose.
"Ow, shit, what was that for?"
"Don't. Touch me" She spat, eyes filled with venom.
"I was only trying to.."
"I don't need your help. I don't want your help. I don't want anything from you." Joel flinched.
Her words had cut him deeper than he'd admit even to himself. But he didn't want to sleep with a broken nose every night so he did as she said, he didn't go near her. Even when the sound of her teeth chattering kept him up, even when she thrashed about so wildly she had bruises the next day, even when he could hear her crying in her sleep, and even when he could see bags under her eyes and her skin grow pale from exhaustion.
Until tonight. He was astonished when she put her sleeping bag next to him, but she'd simply glowered and said "it's too cold to sleep separately. This is just so I don't have to listen to you shivering all night. Got it?" He'd nodded. Got it.
And that's how he'd woken up to an elbow in his gut as she flailed helplessly. He'd tried to leave her alone, but this didn't seem to be going away, and he realised, with a stab of guilt, that it was probably worse because she was making prolonged physical contact for the first time since the attack. And that's when he decided, screw it. He couldn't leave her like this anymore. She could hit him if she wanted, which she did as he tried to wake her up. Shaking her only made it worse so he did the only other thing he could think of, something that he was sure would earn him a verbal or physical lashing later, and he took her into his arms, held her, stroked her back and whispered "it's OK" over and over again until her body relaxed and he could feel a wet patch where her face met his shoulder.
"You awake now hon?"
"Shut up."
"OK."
There she stayed, not saying or doing anything. He wasn't sure what to do, what she wanted, but when he slowed his circles on her back, she mumbled "don't stop" into his chest, so he kept going until her breathing evened out and her quiet snores indicated that she had finally fallen into deep and undisturbed sleep, but even then he didn't stop. He just held her, listening to her snores, crickets chirping, birds starting to sing in the early hours of the morning. He was almost starting to fall asleep himself when he spotted the first snowflake.
Shit.
"Get up." She gave a muffled groan of protest. "C'mon, we gotta move." She blinked slowly then shot up.
"What is it, what's wrong?" Her face was panicked.
"It's just snow. We'll live but we have to keep moving, maybe find some real shelter." If Joel remembered right there was a cabin not too far away that was (usually) abandoned.
She groaned and he could see her trying to gather her strength. That must have been the first decent sleep she'd had in days and he'd cut it short. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she glanced at it but didn't shrug him off.
"I know you're tired but we can't stay." She nodded and took the hand that he offered, allowing him to pull her to her feet. His stomach lurched as she swayed slightly before gathering her things. This was not going to be a good day.
#don't know why but i can see joel using hon#the last of us#hbo the last of us#joel miller#joel miller x reader#joel miller x oc#joel miller x you#joel miller x female reader#joel miller x female oc
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My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)
(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)
Kai Smith:
the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)
self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)
orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form
body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like
"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said
has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"
anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->
guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes
sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)
claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)
has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)
ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others
is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)
lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)
loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does
cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->
his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone
tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)
loves too hard
hates too hard
BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)
trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro
commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom
actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much
great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)
hot. thats all i rest my case
loves himself but hates himself
everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does
hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.
hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)
likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")
infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT
red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red
has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)
everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again
drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)
will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)
wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)
paints his nails black or red.
has a strand of hair dyed red all the time
perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)
would be a hyena i he was an animal
hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing
"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games
loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things
stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->
makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite
selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it
please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain
thats it for now cfdsfdr
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unfortunately i have a type, and i forget i have a type until i'm playing a new game with a new character i am at least in part responsible for the creation of.
pathetic is the type, btw.
#anyway i have made the saddest most confused and damp man of an eldritch being#baby i am so so sorry#me: god i need to know what that choice is#also me: he couldn't say that he would cry.#that's replayability bitch!#rambletag#the work i have to put in to create not the most pathetic bastard of a person#the other base type is Idiot actually#sometimes both at once
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had a day that made me think oh that was a bit heavy on the symbolism, wasn't it
#j. talks#went to visit my brother in his uni city and also connected it with an event there#I know this event because I went there once with a uni course that of course was with my fave former prof#so I know she's usually there but it's a bigger city and Friday and there are a lot of things at different locations#chances are not zero but I thought come on if anything it will be casual running into her#well as I was waiting with my brother and a whole crowd of people to be let in who do I hea#and see :))) yeah it's my fave prof. and I told my brother and he told me to go and say hi but there were so many people already talking to#her and also going there and saying hi so I simply couldn't. I literally froze our shoulders were nearly touching but she wasn't even facin#me and taking and I just followed my brother and he was like???#what was that?? and I didn't know. and he asked my why I looked so shameful out of all the emotions I chose shame#and I don't know. I don't know why shame I consuming me no matter where I go. but she was busy and imagine I go up and she has no idea who#am anymore. they had to burry me right there and then. so that was that :) now#the name of that street of the location burned into my memory as I was facing the wall well it's the name of [redacted] who I never really#get over and it's been 10 years now soon. and we had a similar experience in December :) where I would have loved nothing more really than#to talk (in Decembar definitely also other things that I miss on some days very much) but I barely got a wave#so yeah :) I actually had a great day but I am more than overwhelmed. I feel like crying and hiding#taurus season is apparently not here to save me? idk#is this all about wasted potential and shame stopping me? maybe. but how the fuck do I get it out of me
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-
#boris was attacked by my neighbor's dog and i've been crying so much. i'm so scared#it's 9pm so my sister is driving him to a vet 1 hour away cause the vets near close at 7pm#idk why bad things keep happening to him i'm so heartbroken idk what i'll do if he dies#my neighbor is a cruel bitch cause this happened around 1 pm and she didn't tell us. she hid him in a room#she was gonna let him die like that#my sister was supposed to take me somewhere tomorrow so she came home one day earlier#i'd been crying all afternoon and i told her to please ask around and then they (w mom and brother) went to my neighbor's house#they brought him back and he looked very weak and with blood all over#my sister called a friend of hers who's a vet and she came to see him and adviced to take him to a vet clinic#cause he was bloated and there was air(?) and her face was worried when she said that cause.. where does air come from#plus he was breathing weird#i had the worst panic attack the whole time since they brought him from the neighbor's house until they left with him#i couldn't even speak cause i couldn't stop crying#now i'm calm but i'm so worried#if my sister hadn't come home today boris would be still hurt and locked in my bitch neighbor's house#cause my mom thought i was being paranoid :( she wasn't going to ask around#cause she thought boris would come back since he's been missing before#also my sister's the only one who can drive#:(#i'm so angry cause that bitch next door heard me calling boris name all afternoon and didn't say shit#i hate her. not only bc of this but she's suck a snake in general. she's always gossiping shit about everyone#she didn't do anything and locked him in a room for like 7 hours. maybe those hours were crucial#idk. if boris dies i'm gonna do some crazy shit to this bitch so she'll have a reason to call me crazy
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okay lads what did we think of that
#THAT OPENING SCENE#yeah kat and thomas's relationship was rushed maybe to the point where it felt shoehorned in#but that opening scene OUGH#chyler leigh the actress that you are#the way my heart just sank when kat realized cyrus would be dead if it weren't for her like this girl does not need to feel yet again#that she's messed everything up. oh the parallels!#very good hallmark very good#<- words I should have no right saying and yet here I am#the way home hallmark#though I do feel they rush by the major emotional beats like thomas's and colton's death#and also I'm a bit ?? over the ending because it almost seemed like kat expected jacob? when I thought we all knew he wasn't going back?#and also by pond mechanics he couldn't do that?#I don't think they gave it as much cliffhanger suspense as they could've#also did I cry when del and kat finally finally made up? maybe!#and it was all because of VICTOR my WORD#casey is a mystery and a wonder and a marvel I love them#and SUSANNA good GRIEF that was so good#and I'm still not on board with sam lol#del and colton are perfect it just feels so wrong for sam to come in#what an episode what a season what a series#season three save me save me season three#earl crow ramblings
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sometimes I think about The Last and want to scream
#I hate that I love it I hate that it's so out of pocket and uncalled for and downright out of line but SO COMPELLING AND FASCINATING#LIKE THE CHARACTER WORK THAT ONE AUDIO DOES IS INSANE???????#Everyone In This TARDIS (which is missing) Is Suicidal#and I am not even kidding they ARE#C'rizz seeing ghosts. he always sees dead people but this isn't that it's just that he's almost like them but not quite yet#he's always been haunted it just happens more now.#eight's failure and perception thereof he hates himself but still thinks he's the only one who can handle it but he can't handle it#charley who's been on the other end of it who knows what c'rizz has been through and done and who knows what it's like to be asked#STILL asking him to kill her if it comes to it even though she KNOWS it would shatter him bc it already HAS and it already shattered HER#and eight oh eight oh doctor at the end of his rope I am in fact always thinking about the way he says oh what the hell at the end of it#he doesn't care if he lives or dies he's at the end of his rope and has lost all hope he's failed everyone who loves him not only charley#who miraculously still trusts him to some degree even after he broke her into pieces not only charley who he loves#but also c'rizz who did still have that open honest trust in him c'rizz his hesitant beginning to be friend#c'rizz who he understands and who understands him bc the kinship and silent bond between them existed even then#someone remind me to go get my rant on scaredy cat's importance and spruce it up I need to talk about it#because the doctor did love c'rizz too he DID charley was wrong!!! the writers were wrong!!! everyone was wrong about them!!!#he LOVED him but it was so different as to be almost unrecognizable I'm going to CRY#THEY MEANT SO MUCH TO EACH OTHER ALL THREE OF THEM THEY COULDN'T EXIST WITHOUT EACH OTHER ANYMORE#THEY LOST ONE THEN THE OTHER AND NONE OF THEM WAS THE SAME ANYMORE#only in the Last it happened in the wrong order. not the way it was supposed to be.#Lu rambles#dweu#meta finding tag#eighth doctor#charley pollard#c'rizz
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Oh my god could I stop being sick please? It's been two freaking months and I got shit to do!
#nasty bronchitis that ending up putting me in the hospital#I'm behind in doing real life things but also just so freakin tired#i wanna do dumb tumblr stuff#but i already have a post wrote up with links to all the info on shubble/wilbur situation so people don't have to look 50 different places#BUT I also don't wanna make every post I have time to make about... THAT#THAT'S DEPRESSING#but i said i would and I'm a person of my word so...#it's been over a month since I've been able to make a sound#you'd be surprised how bad it is sensory and emotion wise to not be able to laugh or make sounds when you cry or groan in frustration#I'm in PT too because I was so weak by the time I got in the hospital that I couldn't stand#was literally coughing so hard and so constantly that I couldn't keep down food#lost about 25 lbs in 3 weeks according to the doctors (I'm overweight but that is still a LOT for anybody that's not exercising to lose)#going to push myself today because my hair has gotten so thick and long that it's causing too many sensory issues#also a bit of gender dysphoria just to keep it interesting#the person who cuts my hair is aware of how sickly I am and is having me come in when she hasn't been doing a hair treatment before me#still there's a risk of an asthma attack or just collapsing from the short walk#literally do not care#my hair is thick and hot and too long#let me be an androgynous gremlin!#also my cat says hi (he is slapping my phone like No phone love me NOW!!! XD )#bluewind talks
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I'd Fight The Devil
Pairing: Alastor x fem! reader
Background: reader is Lilith and Lucifers oldest, and resembles Lilith more. Lucifer has a hard time bonding with her because of this, and Alastor decides to step in.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
"DAD'S COMING?!"
(Y/N) Morningstar, firstborn daughter of Lilith and Lucifer, was currently having a breakdown over the fact that her father was on his way to the hotel.
She'd have no issue leaving, of course, but Charlie tricked her dear old sister into staying by saying she needed help with the hotel. . .and told her their dad was coming when he was two minutes away.
It's not like she didn't miss him, but things became different once their mother disappeared. Lucifer threw himself into his ideas, and (Y/N) tried maintaining their relationship but he couldn't even stand the look of her.
"I'm sorry! But I thought maybe you guys could talk while he's here?" Charlie suggested with a gulp, twiddling her fingers.
"I'm done trying with dad. If he wants to talk, he can come to me," (Y/N) crossed her arms, firm on her stance.
"I never thought I'd meet someone with worse daddy issues, but here you are, cher," Alastor, with his famous grin, looked down at the Princess of Hell. She huffed, not in the mood for his side comments.
"Alastor, please-"
"He's here!"
"-please fucking hide me!" She ran behind him, despite the mass amount of blonde hair making it obvious.
He chuckled.
Honestly, since meeting the eldest Morningstar, Alastor deemed himself her Protector. Not that the girl wasn't capable or needed him persay, but he cared for her. Being on the aroace spectrum, he wasn't plagued by a selfish desire to fuck her, but it was a sweet concern that slowly turned into a need to be near her.
A need to make her his.
"Hopefully he doesn't-"
"Pumpkin?"
"Fuck," (Y/N) silently cursed under her breath before Alastor stepped aside.
"Hey dad," Lucifer felt a pang in his sinister heart at her tone. She sounded uncomfortable and wouldn't even look at him, but he also remembered that he couldn't look at her at times.
It reminded him of happier times.
Times he didn't want to be reminded of anymore.
"So how've you been? Heard you've got a fancy job now. Probably making loads of money, huh?" He chuckled nervously.
"Dad, it's my company. I made it."
And he couldn't even remember that she did that?
Any dad would remember that his child created her own business.
"Ouch."
"And it's got a fucking duck on the logo. God, dad," She rose her voice, "you can't even remember that?"
"I've been busy, pumpkin-"
"Too busy to call? Too busy to even fucking call?!"
Charlie flinched at the harshness in her voice. She's always been a firecracker but she's never seen her so angry.
"I'm not fighting with you, (Y/N)," Lucifer stepped towards her, "why do you insist on fighting? Especially when I'm here for Charlie."
"Oh, you're here for Charlie?" Her horns started to come up through her skin, rolling back like a rams.
Just like her mom.
"I'm not making this about me. I just wish you'd make the effort instead of it having to be me," She missed who he was.
And during this, Alastor could see the pain on her face. She was furious, and rightfully so.
But he let her fight her own battles.
"I'm sorry that I look like mom. Is that what you want me to say?!"
"Yes!"
He didn't mean it. Of fucking course he didn't mean it, but it slipped out.
"Dad! That's enough!" Charlie ran to her, seeing tears well up in her sisters eyes. "How could you say that?"
"Pumpkin, I-"
"Don't," She sniffled, holding Charlie close, "don't come near me."
But he didn't listen.
He hated being the fact that his little girl was crying because of him.
"I think you've come far enough," Alastor spoke, getting infront of Charlie and (Y/N). He is excellent at saving face, so his pure unadulterated rage was hidden beneath his smile.
She hiccuped behind him, sobbing into Charlie's shoulder.
"Don't make me move you," Lucifer glared.
"And don't make me fucking kill you for hurting what's mine."
His voice turned more static-like than before, his eyes a burning red and his horns outstretched. He was a fucking shield for his Princess, and not even the King of Hell could get through. Lucifer recognized this and humbly backed away, retreating with his tail between his legs.
_ _ ☆ _ _
(Y/N) spent the next hour crying in her room. Over the years, she had started to hate herself for looking like her mom, and Lucifers' confirmation only reaffirmed it.
"Need anything else?" Charlie asked her. Although her sister wasn't searching for redemption, she had her own personal room in the hotel.
"Can you get Alasto-?"
A knock sounded at the door.
"Was he there the whole time?" She sniffled, and a muffled "maybe" came through the door.
Her bed was surrounded by napkins that she quickly placed on her bedside as Charlie allowed Alastor inside.
Alone.
The two of them.
Might as well just throw them condoms and say get to it, is what (Y/N) was thinking. She's known about her crush on The Radio Demon for a few months now, having a fantasy dream here and there, but wasn't much of an active person herself.
"Thank you. I know he tried to fix it, but I couldn't stand to look at him," Her puffy eyes made Alastors eye twitch, still a small spout of anger for her father.
"Of course, my dear," He sat himself next to her on the bed.
"Because your father, although the King of Hell, is a fucking coward", is what he wanted to say but kept those words for himself.
"Did you mean it? That I'm yours?" She asked, her hand inching closer to his.
"I never say anything I don't mean, cher," He grabbed her hand, kissed it, and made the she-demon gasp.
"I thought you hated touch."
He chuckled, "Oh, I do, but not if it's you. Your skin is warm, and it brings me comfort. You bring me comfort."
"You'd have me, even if I want to be glued to your side? Even having petty fights with my dad?"
"Darling, I'd wear your skin if you asked."
"Oh, how romantic," She blushed before both his hands came up to her face, bringing her into a needy kiss. With her, he needed to feel her.
Someday, even all of her.
"And I'd eat demons with you," She whispered against his lips.
"Oh my heart may burst, my dear."
Taglist: @lorkai @droopingdatura @tr1coo @randomuser-89 @abbiedail @evelin1o1 @sseleniaa
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Sacrificial Lamb reader/vampire priest.
Just consider— a cute little lamb reader lying on the altar, begging not to be slaughtered, the tears their crying making the vampires heart flutter. All the cult members are confused why the ritual keeps getting pushed back- meanwhile the vampire is spoiling his little lamb rotten.
ohioohooohiohoo
His hands are gentle, stroking your cheek as you wake slowly, your eyes flutter open slowly to the morning light, and there he is, your keeper.
"Morning," you yawn sleepily,
"Good morning, little one,"
"is it a good morning? I thought my execution was scheduled for today." you huff, you should be more scared but the soft look on his face can only mean one thing. you get out of bed and change idly, not minding the priest as he watches you, he's a man of god after all, there's no way he'd be looking at you in lust.
"ah well, we thought so but some knew doctrine has come to light, now is not the time for sacrifices. we'll have to wait for next winter, at the very least," he says. You hum thoughtfully turning back to face him, his hungry red eyes fixed on your body, flicking up to meet your face as you turn around.
"Well, I'll make myself useful until winter then." When you were born, it had been prophecized that you would be sacrificed to the gods and your death would bring about a new golden age for your homeland. Then, on your eighteenth birthday, you'd been handed over to the church, to live out your final days in the temple, under the watchful gaze of the father and his dedicated cult. Your execution has been postponed four times now.
You wondered if the cultists even bothered setting up the altar this time. it was always something, the stars weren't aligned properly, the materials were all wrong, you fell ill and couldn't be slaughtered while sick, and now, Spring was a time for rebirth, you'd have to wait for winter for the ritual. which winter? who's to say? it might be another few years before he tries to start your sacrifice again.
He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. he puts his nose to your throat and kisses your skin. "You could be useful to me now," he breathes, his voice strained, tight with hunger. You had been so scared the first time you'd almost been killed, you remembered sobbing and pleading for your life, his knife poised above your throat, He told you that you could live, for now, if you served the cult and him. Of course, you agreed, that was the first time he bit you, spilling your blood on the altar in a different way.
You lean your neck to the side and sigh as you feel his fangs pierce your skin. you have to lean back against him for support as he drinks your blood and you grow weaker.
"so perfect, so delicious," he murmurs to himself as he drinks your blood, licking at your throat, catching any stray drops of blood. His hands slide down your body feeling up your hips and thighs. You can feel his hard cock pressing against your back as he slowly grinds against you. The priest is chaste, a man of god, but he's also a vampire, as he's explained he can't help but get erect when he feeds it's a natural side effect and completely nonsexual.
He pins you down on the bed and pushes your legs apart, grinding against you, fully clothed, as he bites your neck again. you feel dizzy, a mix of feelings as your blood is drained and as you buck and grind against the vampire on top of you. you try to keep quiet, but you can't help but moan as he takes full advantage of you. You feel dirty, the man who's saved your life so many times now is just trying to eat and here you are getting off, practically masturbating right in front of him with his cock.
You can feel how large his dick is as you grind together, you can't help but wonder what it would feel like if he pulled your underwear aside and fucked you properly while he drained your blood, the thought alone makes you shudder and press up against him as he continues to dry hump you. although with the sticky feeling between your legs and his wet mouth sucking on your neck, "dry" might be the wrong word.
you bite down on your own hand to muffle the sounds of your pleasure as you cum, still trying to hide your own lust, what would the priest think if he found out you were so lustful? if you were lucky he'd bend you over and spank you for being so sinful, at worst he might chain you down to the sacrificial altar and leave you there.
The priest pulls away, breathless, your blood smeared messily around his mouth "What a mess we've made," he huffs, looking down at your neck, and then his eyes drop further to the place where your bodies meet.
"I can clean it-" you offer weakly,
"no, no little thing, rest, you need to let your body heal, close your eyes, I'll take care of all this," he coos reassuringly, you nod obediently and close your eyes.
You look so venerable like this, he could do almost anything he wanted with you in this weakened state. the prophecy said it had to be a virginal sacrifice, maybe he could halt the ritual permanently if he just took what he'd wanted from the beginning.
#monster imagine#monster fucker#monster#monster boyfriend#teratophillia#vampire#vampire smut#werewolf boyfriend#vampire x reader#vampire x reader smut#blasphemy#tw dubcon
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Remnants
PAIRINGS: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!Reader
SUMMARY: You got hurt and Simon finds out.
WORD COUNT: 1.0k
TW: bruises, slight angst. reader missing simon. also fluff think that's it. lmk if i missed any. also poorly edited and not proofread. mind the english!🤭✨🤍
A/N: this is so self indulgent. embarrassing how much time it took to get out because i've had this idea for two weeks now. anyway enjoy!💛
Masterlist✨
Laying in bed until it was late was part of your daily routine when Simon was off on deployment. Too tired to even get up when he wasn't around to wake you at 7:00 a.m.
He was a morning person unlike you.
You remember the days he would drag you against him by the waist mumbling something about being too late to be in bed, to which you had groggily bit back and slapped his arm in a playful manner. Then he would be gone for months, leaving nothing but an empty bed and the absence of his deep voice to fill your ears. Feeling that made your eyes well with tears and your heart ache. What if I don't see him again? What if that was the last time I ever felt his touch?
Shaking your head you pull yourself out of the comfort of your shared bed, taking a quick bath before preparing yourself a nice breakfast.
Winter is starting to settle in and your favorite thing to wear is his black hoodie. The one that swallows you entirely. It smells like him, it's almost like being embraced by him.
"Come on don't cry now." rubbing your eyes with the hem of the sleeves. Traitorous, salty droplets spilling down. "Jesus." Taking a deep breath you calm yourself and the ache gradually stops.
The kitchen is somewhat cold despite the heater turned on. You watch as the coffee brews —the one he dislikes— you smile again although small. Barely a quirk of your lips at the thought of him looking intently at you as you take a sip and offer him one.
'Bloody incorrigible.' He had muttered.
But you had seen him smiling that day as well, as different as you both were from one another, the love you two held couldn't be denied, nor broken.
That's why when the front door creaks open your eyes widen, legs moving faster than your brain can register. Socked feet dragging across the wooden floor nearly slipping. Simon stands stall, the door closing behind him as he lowers the black duffel bag on the floor.
"Are you really back?" Your lower lip trembles, the emotion too heavy to hold it back.
"Come here, love." You lunge forward, collapsing against his body. Simon's quick to catch you with strong arms holding you. Bodies pressed together. He can finally let himself breathe. The smell of your home, the smell of that awful coffee you love, the aroma of your shampoo and perfume that drives him absolutely crazy. He pulls his mask off and his mouth is soon against your soft lips. Oh how he missed you. He missed this, his girl softly caressing his face standing on your tiptoes. Simon grumbled, when he feels the air shift and you pull back, his brown eyes glimmer with devotion.
"Don't worry there's tea for you. Plenty. I made sure of that for when you returned." He inhales deeply, kissing you once again on the forehead. Taking his hand you lead him to the kitchen to serve both the breakfast you've been working on. "How are the boys?" You ask taking two mugs out of the top cabinet.
"A bit more scarred than before but they're good." He comes behind you lingering close —too close— to your back. "Price wants a reunion. Told him I'd let you decide."
"You already know I'll say yes." He hums watching you pour some water in the kettle and waiting for it to boil. "Black or chamomile?"
"Black." You try to move around as much as you can with him caging you from behind. Giggling when he once again kisses you on the temple. "Alright, let me see you again..."
Simon grabs you by the forearm it's not hard, it's gentle but firm. Firm enough to hurt your neglected limb. You shriek, a loud 'no' leaves your lips as you stumble back and away from him, soothing the place where he had touched you. It hurt so much but you quickly regret your reaction knowing it'd spark something within him.
Simon's eyes go wide, then his brows furrow so hard you can see the small line that could leave a permanent mark on his forehead.
"What was that?" He growled. The distance you put between you and him is cut off by his long strides.
"It's nothing, I- I swear." You trail off, searching for an explanation. But he's smart and he won't let this pass.
Few things could make him lose his temper, you lying about your wellbeing was one of the top on the list.
"Show me." He demands and the way his eyes pierce through every part of you leaves no room for discussion.
Rolling up your sleeves you hold out your forearms. Simon's jaw clenches so hard you're certain he's cracked some of his teeth. Eyes set on your damaged limb; red and purple bruises on your skin. They're so fucking big and he has to remember how to breathe and control his emotions. "How?" His eyes shot back to yours, awaiting.
"I promise it's not what you're thinking Simon."
"Don't give me that. I asked you a question." he takes one of them careful not to press too hard as he brushes his thumb over one of them. Fucking hell. It's swollen.
"Just work Simon. I had to carry big boxes and you know I'm not that strong, that's it. So stop thinking the worst, yeah?"
Sighing he lets go of your arm, the anger slowly ebbs and he feels fucking tired. He thought the worst. No one could blame him, it was in his DNA.
"Next time let me know beforehand, bloody hell love."
You give him a quick hug.
"I still might have to have a talk with your cunt boss."
You snort.
"No you won't." You declare, motioning for him to follow back. "Tea's ready."
Oh, but he would definitely pay him a visit.
#cod#call of duty modern warfare 2#cod x reader#cod mwii#cod mw2#cod mw22#call of duty#simon ghost riley#cod ghost#simon riley x reader#simon ghost x reader#call of duty ghost simon riley#cod simon ghost riley#cod simon riley#simon riley imagine#simon ghost riley x reader#ghost simon riley#simon riley#simon ghost x you#simon riley x you#ghost modern warfare#ghost riley#ghost call of duty#ghost mw2#cod mwiii
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Writing Female Fighters
The Heroine Must. Fight.
Today's female protagonists cannot sit on the side crying and breaking down or whimpering as the battle ensues.
Readers want to see autonomous female fighters who can at least defense themselves with courage and adequate skill.
Not all women are the same, but the heroine should get her butt moving.
Less Muscle, but More Flexibilty
The average woman is shorter than the average man, which makes it more difficult to wield a long sword or slam something down on the opponent's head.
A woman who works out can plausibly be stronger than a male couch potato, but if her male counterpart works out as much as her, the man is going to be much stronger.
On the other hand, the center of gravity in a woman's body is lower than a man's which makes it harder to knock her off her feet.
She is also more flexible, which gives her advantage in grappling fights, making use of complex landscapes, or deflecting blows.
A woman's small size can also be an advantage if her opponent has only ever trained with male opponents. His big hands might not get a good grip on her slender limbs.
In historical fiction, giving your heroine good muscule build can be tricky as exercise was generally considered harmful for women, with some exceptions for horseriding any maybe archery at best.
In such cases, make your heroine an accomplished dancer or an eager horsewoman, or the only girl whose father considered to be son replacement and thus, gave her a boy's education.
Women of lower classes who couldn't afford to be fashionably weak will be plausibly stronger, perhaps even more than an idle gentleman.
More Room for Negotiation, but Prolonged Ruthlessness
In the Suspense part of your fight scene, females are more likely to negotiate and talk more, strategically trying to descalate the situation rather than attacking on a momentary impulse.
Generally, women are less aggressive than men and remain level-headed longer than her male counterparts, opting for non-violent methods first before using force.
Exceptions apply if she is trying to protect her children (or someone who she cares for as a child). Mothers can be tigresses.
A female pre-fight conversation may be:
"If you had not done so-and-so and betrayed me with so-and-so, we could have been good friends as I thought we would be."
"What do you mean? It was in fact you who brought bad blood between us. I can still hear you laughing with so-and-so, taunting me, purposefully making me look bad -"
"But that was so long ago! If you want me to say sorry about something so insignificant, you should have just said so: I'm sorry. There. Satisfied?"
"Ha! I can't believe you say that so easily. You still don't get it, do you?"
"Who's being petty and unreasonable now?"
A male pre-fight conversation will be shorter:
"Who's the coward now?"
"You're wrong."
"Prove it."
"Bastard."
Compared to men, it will take more time for a woman's fight hormones (adrenaline, neurotransmitters and such) to kick in.
She would be slower to engage initially, throwing reluctant punches and thinking, but she'll grow more and more violent and lose all rational thought and compassion, and once she's in full flow, may not stop even when her opponent begs for mercy.
When writing a male-female duo, you can show him going for the first blow while she observes and strategizes first. When he's past his peak and panting, she is flying about left and right. Later when the tension wears off and she becomes wobbly and teary, she can rely on him to have recovered faster and distract other teammates so that they won't see her cry.
Plausible Skills and Backstory
In many cultures and time periods, the general attitude of society towards girls is that they have no place in fist fights or martial arts, unlike how it is encouraged for boys of the same age. So if your heroine has physical prowess that surpasses typical 'fitness' or is hidden, build a backstory of how she's obtained it.
For modern heroines, it can be as simple as signing her up for martial arts classes or yearly membership at the local gym. For historical fiction or girls with strict 'feminine' upbringing, it can be trickier.
It can be related to profession: maybe she was an erotic wrestler, catfighter, or an assasin who thought killing was more honorable than prostitution. They may have dabbles with it for a short time and is now trying to hide their past from their respectable employer or fiance.
It can be family backstory: Perhaps her mother was an accomplished martial artist or she had to fend for younger siblings on the streets from an early age. Maybe she was the only girl in a family of many boys who refused to be the punching bag.
Inexperienced Female Fighters
A woman with no fighting experience or training is likely to resort to one of these on instinct:
Try to talk herself out of the situation, attempting to persuade or negotiate for her life.
Grab something to use as a weapon. This instinct seems to be stronger for women than it is in men.
Use her hands to try and break free, or kick (often wth little success)
Pull hair
Scratch.
In a serious fight, pulling hair and scratching won't be helpful, except when the police come to find her body, they would find the opponent's DNA under her fingernails.
Plausible Weapons and Clothing
All of the above applies to scenes where both parties have no weapons, or has the bare minimum (like one dagger each).
Weapons are equalizers, and if your heroine is pointing a gun at her opponent she will definitely NOT hesitate to be the one to shoot first.
When giving your female character a weapon, choose one she can plausibly use. It would take an unusually brawny woman to wield a great medieval longsword.
For historical fiction, give your heroine something she'll plausibly own. Swords and firearm were a no-go for women, but archery was borderline acceptable.
For clothing starters, you definitely CAN NOT dress her in a tight miniskirt and chainmail bra with long, flowy hair and multiple silver chockers. Unless she's trying to seduce her way into her opponent's bedroom, and he has a chainmail bra fetish.
A practical heroine will have her thighs covered, preferably with leather but at least with fabric, since a lot of blood flows through the thighs and a slash would be critical.
She'll keep her hair tied, tucked under a helmet, braided back, etc. so that it won't impede her vision.
She'll support her breasts with a strong sport bra. In a historical eprioid, she'll either tie her breasts tight with a fabric bandage or support them with some kind of leather corset.
Invent a female version of male fighter clothing of the time you are writing about if it doesn't exist.
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