#also lmk if you think anything I’ve said is out of line lol I was debating even posting abt this bc it’s not really my conversation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fbfh · 2 years

Text

rocks at your window pt. 3 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: his series contains smut (and warnings chapter by chapter) so as with all nsfw/smutty/steamy works, all characters are aged up to 18+ (ricky and reader are 18 and in their senior year)

!! contains referenced spoilers for s1e4 of hsmtmts, and previous parts of this fic !!

wc: 6.2k (get coffee and a snack it's a wild ride)

genre: smut, domestic fluff/slice of life, more smut

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab/she her) reader

warnings: brief mention of ricky's mom, allusions to previous sex, discussions of previous sex, wet dream, gratuitous handjob scene, one good boy, a lot of swearing, research (specifically on how to eat someone out), female recieving oral/pussy eating, multiple orgasms, takeout, I barely know anything about videogames, m/f penatrative sex, off screen aftercare, ricky almost says something during sex that he probably shouldn't say right then (lmk if I missed anything I'm not reading through this again)

summary: Ricky has a really nice dream about you. He knows it didn't really happen, but he's still determined to return the favor by eating you out on your bedroom floor.

song rec: washing machine heart - mistki, the (shipped) gold standard - fall out boy, permanence - bears in trees

a/n: boy fucking howdy this one's a lot and I have one thing to say: you got a big storm coming. this is about to get so messy so fast. also the lines ricky recites in his dream are supposed to be a recreation of dream gibberish you forget as soon as you wake up yk.

also spot the new girl, mitski, and parks and rec references (I think that's all of them lol)

btw here's the dr. phil clip red's telling ricky abt in the beginning

edit: how did I forget to include washing machine heart in the song recs?????????

tags: @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa@hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl

You drop Ricky and Big Red off with a duffle bag of Ricky’s stuff, and a shared google calendar for coordinating rehearsals, Big Red’s weekend shifts, and sleepover schedules, and a collective sigh of relief that his mother wasn’t home when you all went to his house. You finally head back to your place, and as he starts to get settled, he finds it harder and harder to not blurt out ‘hey, by the way, we had sex the other night!’.

“And for the past - I don’t even know how many years - she’s been making everything about her self-inflicted medical issues!”

“For real?” He asks, halfheartedly, trying to figure out how to tell Red about what happened between you two.

“Yeah! Her daughter was spilling her guts, like mom, it’s always been about you, and she literally said, you don’t know what I’ve been through. Does she not realize she’s just proving her daughter’s point?”

He pays as much attention as he can to Big Red’s summary of the Dr. Phil episode he saw on friday night. The same friday night that you two had ravaged each other's bodies, Big Red had been watching Dr. Phil. It gives him perspective, making the memories feel more real. He lets out a breathy chuckle. He’d replayed that night, and every moment with you since, so much he was sure he’d wear the memories out soon. He takes in a breath to tell Red, but falters.

A part of him wants to keep that as a special moment just for you two. He doesn’t want that magical bubble you’d been engulfed in to pop. But he knows there’s no way he can keep a secret from Big Red, especially one this monumental.

‘Okay,’ he thinks, ‘I don’t have to tell him everything…’

“So…” he says, cutting himself off with another flustered laugh. He’d been doing that a lot lately. One look at him and Big Red knows something’s up.

“Yeah…?” Red says, an anticipatory smile on his face.

“So,” he starts again, “the other day when I left your house in the middle of the night - I’m really sorry about that, by the way-”

“Don’t worry, dude, I get it,” he interjects with a smile, and Ricky continues.

“I…” he chuckles, gaze floating around the room. “I ended up going to Sharpay’s house.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, after I tried to kiss Nini-”

“You kissed Nini?!”

“I tried to, but…” he shrugs, not wanting to get hung up on the details. He hasn’t even gotten to the good part yet. He feels the ghost of your touch over his skin once again, and explains how he found himself at your house in the middle of the night.

“And… we kinda messed around a little…” he chuckles, cheeks flushed, hand on the back of his neck. Realization sets in, and Big Red’s eyes go wide with shock.

“Oh my god… did you two kiss?” he says it in a hushed voice, and Ricky laughs at his underestimation.

“We did more than that.”

“You made out?” he questions, curiosity more than piqued.

“Yeah, but… we didn’t just make out.”

“Makeout sesh, no tops.” he states, confident he’s got it this time. Ricky turns to him unable to keep himself from spilling his guts any longer.

“We slept together. Like, slept together.” Red stares at him in disbelief. “Like… we had sex.” he breathes.

“Oh… my… god.”

It’s silent for a moment as this fact sinks in. Red can’t deny that it’s a shock. In spite of their name, nothing ever wild really happens to the east high wildcats. There aren’t a lot of parties, much less ragers, there’s no fighting or scandals, which has always been considered a good thing. East high is a good school, where nothing ever happens.

He realizes the shockwaves this will send through the drama department (if not further throughout the school) if anyone finds out that Ricky Bowen lost his virginity to someone that’s not Nini. They’ve been together since everyone started school, and the last big drama before this… was their breakup, he recalls. Fully understanding that they’re essentially sitting on a landmine of information, he can’t hold back his curiosity any longer. He needs details now.

“What was it like?” he asks Ricky, both smiling like idiots for different reasons.

“It… it was as good as people say it is… better.” he amends, remembering waking up next to you that morning. In spite of knowing he has a shift at Slices soon, he can’t stop the torrent of questions he has. He hangs on to Ricky’s every word as he rants and rambles about you. He didn’t realize Ricky was this eloquent, but half the stuff he’s saying sounds like it’s straight out a poetry book.

Red was honestly a little nervous when Ricky first told him, mostly because he was worried his first time was a rebound with a girl he’d just be hung up on, but he thinks back to how much you’ve done for Ricky over the past week, how genuinely happy he seems now, and sticks to his previous conclusion - you have his seal of approval. Now, if nothing goes horribly wrong, maybe the rest of the show will go smoothly; you and Ricky will be happy together, Nini will be able to focus on the show, and… whatever Gina and EJ are up to will (hopefully) amount to nothing.

Yeah. Everything will be fine.

Eventually, after learning more than he ever had in health class, he has to leave for his shift at Slices.

“I’ll be back in a couple hours,” he says, grabbing his backpack, “or you can sneak into Sharpay’s room if you want some company,” he wiggles his eyebrows and Ricky laughs and agrees.

It’s only after the front door closes, and Ricky is alone, curled up on a bean bag in his best friend’s room that he realizes how tired he is. He doesn’t plan to fall asleep, but like so many other things, it just sort of happens.

In that surreal and unquestioning way the locations of dreams so often do, Ricky finds himself in his house, the way it was when he was younger, before his mom redecorated. At the bottom of the stairs, just past the living room, it blends seamlessly into the theater at school. He finds himself in the wings, entering the stage, script in hand.

He’s trying to find his place in the scene but the script is unfamiliar and he can’t make out the lines. His costume is uncomfortable and feels awkward, his street clothes obvious below the ill fitting fabric.

He looks between his script and the audience, trying to find his place. It’s a packed full house, full of people anticipating what’s to come. A moment later it’s empty, not one seat filled. It continues to fluctuate, people are paying rapt attention, then they’re not, they’re excited then critical.

Suddenly, you’re on stage behind him. You get really close, and begin to whisper lines and scenes and page numbers into his ear. You direct him carefully, helping him get his bearings. Moments later, he’s reciting his lines better than he ever has, feeling at ease in the spotlight and in costume. He glances out into the audience.

His parents are there, then they’re not. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t slow down. He continues to repeat the lines you read him over his shoulder, surprised at how unaffected he is by their presence, or lack thereof.

The audience is empty once again, and your hands slowly snake their way around his torso. His heart speeds up as you begin slowly and idly undoing the buttons on his shirt. Your touch is hot, warming his skin and sending heat into all the right places. His chest is soon exposed, the stage lights acting like heat lamps.

Your fingertips ghost over his chest and stomach, touch feather light and barely palpable, as a throbbing hot tension grows in his core. You travel down to the waist of his pants, palming him through the fabric as you tell him the next line. He lets out a moan as his cock strains, desperate for more friction.

"We'll never be bauble, not situationally," you repeat the line, coaxing him to speak it out into the empty auditorium. He tries to focus, somehow managing to repeat the line, breathy and studded with moans.

Your voice, light and much too casual for the circumstances, is quiet as it hits his ear.

"Good boy," you praise him easily, voice like honey. You pull him out finally, stroking his cock with one hand, the other coming down to play gently with his balls. You continue to stroke him and his hips buck into your hand, desperate for your touch. You continue to barely touch him, and it builds up heat and tension like he’s never felt before.

Much to his momentary dismay, you move your hand from its steady pace stroking him away to drag your fingers along the underside of his cock, tracing a vein that throbs as soon as you come into contact with it. He moans again, louder, cock dripping onto your soft skin. You continue feeding him lines that he barely follows, murmuring praise into his ears. Your hand moves again, this time making its way up to the head of his cock, flushed and throbbing. He bites his lip in a futile attempt to stop the increasing volume of his moans as you rub the palm of your hand flat over the tip. A gesture that would have been soothing on any other part of his body, instead has him grinding and bucking his hips into your soft hands.

"F-fuck!" He cries out, head thrown back as he finally cums into your hand. You bite down on his neck, sucking on the skin and drawing another pretty moan from his throat as he throbs uncontrollably, pumping out ribbons of cum.

Finally, you turn to face each other. He moves quickly, unable to keep himself from touching you for another moment, and pulls you close. In one swift movement, he hikes up your leg and begins to thrust into you. You both lean back as the scene shifts and changes, and you let out a moan.

Before he can take in his new surroundings, he's pulled back to consciousness. He stares at the ceiling, and blinks. The rousing throbbing in his crotch begins to subside. He starts to sit up slowly, suddenly very aware of the sticky dampness in his pants.

"Fuck…" he breathes in annoyance.

He gets up to clean himself up and wash his clothes, stumbling a step when he stands up. The muscles in his lower stomach are still sore and tense, and he swears he can feel your touch. Cheeks flushed, he lets out a laugh at the situation. He somehow manages to clean himself up, throw his clothes in the wash, and put on something clean. He barely pays attention to anything while he does, still entirely wrapped up in your touch that he’d been dreaming about moments before.

Still in the laundry room, washer humming rhythmically, he leans against the cool metal, sliding down to the floor. He stares at nothing in particular, reminiscing already over the events of his dream. He replays it shot for shot in his mind, already overwhelmed with desire to make you feel as good as you made him feel. Curiosity strikes, and he pulls out his phone, opening private browsing and typing in a quick search. He clicks on a link, reading the bold heading.

How to eat someone out - really, really well.

His eyes skate over the words, taking in the information, analyzing diagrams. He studies everything carefully, eventually moving to another article, just to make sure none of the information contradicts. Before he knows it, he’s read a dozen articles, watched a handful of instructional videos, scoured an AskReddit thread on the topic, and stumbled across a meme reading, ‘if you press the clitoris and g-spot at the same time, the vagina takes a screenshot and saves you in her memory forever’. Huh. He opens a new note in his phone, ensuring he makes it password protected.

Tip 1: kiss your way down!

He skims over the highlights one more time.

Tip 3: the clitoris is your best friend!

He copies down all the important information he’s found so far, making a mental note to go over it in more detail later. Soon, he can’t help his mind from wandering. He tilts his head back against the rumbling frame of the washing machine. He wonders how good he could make you feel, if he could get you to pull his hair again… he wonders how you taste. Would you want him to go down on you? He hopes you would. He wonders if he could get you to moan his name. His heart speeds up at the thought.

He traces the hickey you gave him again, already beginning to fade, and he’s flooded with the desire for your touch. He wishes more than anything he could hold you again, that he could go back to that night. He’s overcome with a melancholic longing for you, to touch you and kiss you and feel your nails down his back again. He wants so badly to feel you again, for all your imagined touch and contact to be real.

It can be.

The realization surprises him. He realizes these memories aren’t imagined, not all of them. You’ve actually had sex before… maybe you’ll want to again. Will you want to again?

Before his thoughts spiral further, his phone buzzes in his hand. He checks the screen, and his cheeks flush as your name pops up on his phone.

Have you decided where you’re crashing tonight?? I need to know how much takeout to get lol

He smiles to himself. Your timing is impeccable as ever. He types out a reply, hoping you’ll want to spend some time together, and lets out a giggle as you reply instantly with a hell yeah!!, and plans to pick him up from Big Red’s.

Soon, he’s greeted with your familiar car, and even more familiar smile, warming him like summer sunshine.

“Hey!” you greet, as he gets in the passenger side.

“Hey,” he replies with a smile, taking in what a lovely sight you are.

“So,” you begin, “I was thinking we get some Sonic, then head back to my place for videogames and procrastinating homework…” and he agrees with a laugh. You pick up right where you left off, talking as you begin to drive. It feels like no time has passed since you last saw each other - granted it was only a number of hours, but it felt like much longer without you. You talk practically nonstop, enjoying each other’s company and trying not to laugh over nothing when you pick up the food you ordered. You pull out of the Sonic drive through, noticing you’re not too far from your favorite cafe. You turn to Ricky, giving him a look.

“Do you think we have time to stop by Blue Diner before they close? I don’t know about you, but I am really craving a peach scone.”

I wonder how she’d taste… the thought from earlier returns full force.

“Yeah,” he breathes, watching you as you stare ahead at the road, “I’m craving one, too.” You giggle, the sound hitting his ears like a melody, as you turn right, heading down to Blue Diner cafe. One of you had started playing music at some point, and as it inevitably always seems to, the high school musical stage soundtrack now pumps out of your car speakers, both of you singing along, harmonizing and duetting your way through the first several tracks before you finally arrive and park.

You enter the building, laughing over something or other, and after a few short minutes of waiting for your order, you’re greeted with two peach scones, and a “come again soon!” from the very tired looking girl behind the counter. You stop at the toy machine, inserting enough change for two capsules, then follow Ricky to the exit.

“Thanks again, good night!” you call to the barista, who waves in response.

Soon Ricky’s closing the back door of your house behind you.

“Thanks,” you state as he watches you set down the takeout you carried in on the kitchen counter, “There’s no way I could have brought all this in myself.” you muse.

“Hey, I am happy to help you carry takeout any time.” You smile, and he reaches past you, grabbing something from one of the paper bags, “As long as I can have some of your fries,” he states, holding out half the fry for you. You open your mouth, and he places it past your lips, his cheeks suddenly flushed. You scurry over to the doorway, and he’s still wrapped up in how oddly intimate this whole evening with you has been.

“Mom,” you call, “we’re home!” Ricky doesn’t hear her reply, but you follow up a moment later, “We got you Sonic!”

She enters the kitchen, and the timing of her arrival makes Ricky laugh. You hand her a paper bag, and she kisses your cheek.

“Thank you, sweetie,” she says, making her way to the sink. She pauses to give Ricky a half hug, holding her mostly empty coffee mug far enough away so it won’t spill on him.

“Hi, Ricky,” she chuckles a greeting, which he returns.

“Hi,” he replies. She moves to the sink to wash her coffee cup - one of many she’d had throughout the day.

“There was another filibuster during the meeting, so of course we barely got anything done.” Your mom says, filling you in on some petition for something or other they’ve been trying to get passed.

“Don’t tell me it was Garth again,” you say, already knowing the answer.

“Yup.” she states, with a look. You let out a scoff.

“God, is he ever going to let you guys catch a break?” You ask rhetorically.

“Not if he and his associates have anything to say about it…” she states, with a roll of her eyes. You both chuckle as she pours herself yet another cup of coffee.

“I’m going to be working late to get this paperwork done on time, so I have to head back to City Hall for a while, I’ll text you when I get home.” she informs, and you acknowledge with an understanding nod, “But enough bureaucracy, how was rehearsal?” she stirs her coffee, the mood instantly picking up.

“Well,” you laugh, sharing a look with Ricky, “we finally finished the blocking for act 2, so that’s something…”

“That bad?”

“It’s… rough,” Ricky supplies, “but we’re getting there.” She wags a finger at him supportively.

“That’s the kind of optimism we like to see,” she smiles, passing by you towards the doorway, “I’m just going to grab some papers, then I’ll head out. You can fill me in on the details later.” She gives you a very discrete look that Ricky almost misses, and you nod in agreement.

He’s sure your mom knows you and Big Red got his stuff from his house earlier in the day, and wants to know how it went. Thankfully there won’t be much to tell her. He’d been dreading it earlier, and now seeing that neither of you are making it a big deal provides him with a much needed sense of normalcy. His body heats up as he thinks about how you always manage to handle every uncomfortable situation so gracefully.

“Okay, text me when you get there,” you smile, giving her one more hug before she heads out. He watches you grab your food, scone, and what remains of your slushy, and start to head upstairs, and his heart catches in his throat. You turn back to him with a look that could stop time.

“You coming?” you ask.

“Uh, yeah.” he snaps out of it, grabbing his food and following you up to your room.

He takes in the familiar surroundings the way he always seems to when he enters, immediately feeling at ease. As you get settled, you reach into your jacket pocket, remembering the toys. You toss him one, popping your capsule open.

“A plastic dinosaur,” he announces, holding up the bright blue figurine. The overjoyed look on your face as you stare at your prize immediately has his attention. Your gazes lock as you hold up a tiny plastic skateboard. You take his hand, and his chest gets warm. You roll the little board up and down his hand, letting out a delighted chuckle.

“The wheels work and everything…” you look up at him suddenly, eyes boring into his, “You have to teach me to skate at some point.”

He lets out a warm laugh, smiling, and after a moment, he processes what you just said.

“Wait, for real?”

“Yeah.” you confirm, crossing your room to a shoebox on a shelf, “I’ve always wanted to learn, and who better to teach me than Ricky the ultimate skateboarder?”

You set it next to the shoebox containing your other trinkets from the cafe, hearing the sweet flustered laugh that escapes him as you do. You see the white plastic bag still sitting on your desk, black and red lettering distorted by the folds in the material. You take the blue rectangular cases out, examining the cover art.

“So, what are we thinking; GTA, assassin’s creed, uncharted, mario kart…?” you muse, looking up at him for input. He’s surprised.

“I didn’t know you play videogames,” he replies, smiling as you shrug, looking at the floor.

“I… I don’t, really - besides mario kart.” he chuckles, and you continue, “Big Red mentioned how much you like them, and which ones are your favorite, and I already had a couple for when my cousins come to visit, so, I… you know, I figured it was a good move.” You hand him the cases to look at, continuing.

“I mean, I don’t know if you can transfer save files from one console to another, or if you just have to log in, but I thought it’d be nice.” you tidy up your desk absentmindedly as you ramble, needing something to do with your hands. Ricky looks between the game cases in his hand and the way you straighten up your pencil cup and tuck miscellaneous items back where they belong.

“And, I mean, you did a really, really good job with everything today. That would have been hard for anyone, but especially with what you’ve been going through…"

He watches you continue to ramble, praise falling from your lips like flower petals. He feels so warm when you speak to him; your voice, your attention, your presence, it all feels so good. You make his cheeks warm, then his chest…

“...And obviously if I can make this any easier for you, of course I’m going to.”

That warmth continues, going down, down, down…

“You’re an amazing person, and you really don’t deserve all this-”

He knows it would be pretty risky, he knows he should wait until the perfect moment when everything’s all soft and romantic, because you deserve nothing less than that. But hearing your words, sweeter than honey and only for him, dear god he’s so tempted to do everything you could want him to. His mind is suddenly a torrent of every good thing he wants to make you feel, the overwhelming desire to have you grab his hair and scratch at his back, to be the sole source of your pleasure. It’s when you kneel down to the floor to pick up a pen you dropped, and you look up at him for a split second that he can’t hold himself back anymore.

“You just have to deal with this stuff as it comes up, but it doesn’t mean you…”

In an instant, he’s crouching in front of you, hands on your cheeks, and your words evaporate. His face is so close to yours, and his pupils are dilated as he studies your expression.

Your cheeks are warm under his hands, a ghost of a smile on your soft, beautiful lips that he wants so badly to touch. You’re surprised, pleasantly so at the suddenness of the change in the atmosphere, and it’s only when your eyes flicker between his and his lips that he finally lets himself close the distance between you.

He kisses you feverishly, and with something to prove. His lips are warm and soft against yours, and he angles his head to kiss you deeper and deeper. Your hands come up to his shoulders, a warm and familiar feeling. Your lips part, and his tongue begins to make its way into your mouth, leaving you feeling warm and full. One hand still on your jaw, his other trails down to the small of your back, pulling you closer to him. You feel his chest pressed up against yours, and your heart speeds up a little. You let out a breathy sigh, which only seems to spur him on further.

He continues kissing you with everything he’s got, and soon he’s lowering you down until you’re flat against your bedroom floor. He only pulls away for a moment, gazing at you, committing your face to memory. Your thumb strokes his cheek, and you watch his eyes flutter closed at the contact.

“God,” he mutters, eyes closed and eyebrows scrunched as he smiles, lips back on yours again in an instant. His lips dance against yours, frantic and passionate, eventually trailing down your neck to the spot that made you gasp the last time he kissed you like this. He holds you close, feeling you up as you let out another breathy sigh, louder this time. He takes in a breath to murmur something in your ear, but he falters, and it escapes as a soft moan instead. His hands slip under your shirt, then down to the waist of your pants. As he opens them up and slips his hand down the soft denim, cupping your heat, he’s overwhelmed with how badly he’s craving you. He can’t hold it back anymore, blurting out what he’s been thinking about all day.

“I wanna taste you,” he says finally, groaning in your ear, rushed and excited. You look at him, making sure you heard him right.

“I really,” he says again, in between kissing his way down your neck, “really wanna taste you…”

He looks up at you, and you nod, an excited smile blooming on your face.

“Yeah?” you ask, and he nods in confirmation.

“Yeah,” he murmurs back, smiling. His lips are back on your neck in an instant, hands pushing up your shirt, hovering on your chest. He gently gropes the soft, pillowy mounds, thumbs rubbing circles over your nipples, sending little shots of electricity down to your core. He grabs your hips, propping you up slightly as he pulls down your jeans and underwear, causing you to let out a surprised giggle.

His breath fans over your chest as he plants hot kisses across your clavicle, trailing down your sternum. His hands move from your chest to grab a firm hold on your waist as he kisses down your stomach in a way that has you already dripping with arousal and anticipation. He trails his hands down, grabbing the back of your thighs, and guiding them wider. He gives them a squeeze, cherishing the noise you make when he does.

He continues to kiss his way down from your lower stomach, finally pressing a hot, open mouthed kiss against your dripping heat, then licking a long, slow stripe up to your clit. You taste better than he could have possibly imagined, and he already wants more. The moan that escapes your throat at the contact is the nicest noise he’s ever heard. He wants you to make it again. He dives back in, licking and sucking your clit like you’ve never experienced.

He can’t get enough, and neither can you. Your hips squirm, desperate for more friction, and one hand moves from your thigh to hold you down as he continues to draw noise after beautiful noise out of you. His other hand moves to your heat, spreading around your sticky wetness, edging your empty hole.

Your hands tangle in his hair, tugging gently as he sucks on the bundle of nerves. He wants to ask if that feels good, wants to ask if you like that, but he can’t bring himself to stop devouring you for even a second. He’s addicted to you, no question.

“Ricky…” you breathe, and he knows you’re close. He mutters something you can’t quite make out, vibrations from his voice sending you over the edge. You spasm, hips bucking wildly, and you’re grateful he’s holding them down. He continues to lick and grind his face against you, carrying you through your high. You pant, body tingling and light from the intensity of your orgasm.

Ricky slows down, pulling away for a mere moment to process the fact that he just made you cum like that with his mouth. He’s barely pulled his mouth away from you and he already misses the way you taste. He dives back in without a second thought, lapping up all the sweet honey he just drew out of you.

“Oh god,” your moans are music to his ears, encouraging him even more, “fuck…” you pant, letting out a blissful laugh, that quickly turns into another moan. He brings his fingers back to where they were before, teasing you as his tongue darts in and out. He drags his tongue out of your hole, replacing it a moment later with his fingers. They reach so deep inside you, and he begins to curl them slowly against your pulsing walls, tongue back on your clit. It’s slower this time, more gentle. Your increased sensitivity from your previous orgasm makes the soft, sensual touch overwhelming in the best possible way.

“F-fuck!” you gasp, tugging on his hair. His cock is throbbing, straining against his pants. Everything you do, every noise you let out, makes it harder. His grip on your hip tightens as he continues to curl his fingers inside you. He finds the spot that feels slightly different, and focuses his attention there.

“Fuck, Ricky!” you moan, head thrown back. Your walls slowly clench around him, and he knows you’re close. You look down as you tug on his hair, locking eyes. He continues gently sucking on your swollen bud.

“Tell me,” he prompts, murmuring against your skin, “does that feel good?” You feel him smirk against your burning flesh as you answer.

“Yes,” you moan, “god, yes…”

His words bring you close. He remembers the images saved in the locked note in his phone. If you press the clitoris and g-spot at the same time, the vagina takes a screenshot and saves you in her memory forever. He knows it’s a joke, but the idea of being saved in your memory forever is too tempting. His lips pop off your hot puffy flesh, thumb taking their place.

He lightly touches your clit while stroking your g-spot, and before you can moan his name again, your walls are convulsing around him, squeezing his fingers so tightly he can’t move them.

“Oh fuck! Shit, Ricky!” you babble out blissed out curses, studded with moans, and he really, to his core wishes he could listen to nothing else forever. Your body is buzzing and you swear you can see stars. You seem to have caught your breath a little, and he’s already lowering his head again, wanting your taste on his tongue.

“Ricky…” you laugh, hands tugging on his hair again, this time pulling him up to look at you, “Ricky!” Your laugh is infectious, and he feels a giggle bubbling out of him. One hand is tangled in his hair, the other resting on his cheek as you gaze at him, and he’s never felt better in his life than he does right now. You have his full attention as he waits for you to complete your thought.

“I want your cock,” you breathe, “want it inside me.” Before the words have even finished leaving your pretty lips, he’s climbed up to you, lips hovering over yours. He memorizes you for a split second, the look on your face, the way your hair frames your head like a halo. He’s once again overwhelmed with desire and kisses you, mouth open, without another thought. You taste yourself on his lips, and you think he’s never tasted better. This time it’s your tongue poking past his lips, and the feeling leaves him weak.

It’s only when you pull his hips down into yours, and he grinds gently against your soft exposed flesh, that he realizes how badly his cock is throbbing. He pulls away more reluctantly than he’s pulled away from anyone, knowing if he keeps this up he’ll cream his pants for the second time today. He reaches for your nightstand, where he knows - from experience - that you have some condoms. He kneels back pulling down his jeans and boxers. You watch, mesmerized, as his cock, hard and red, dripping precum is freed. He opens the condom, and you both laugh as he slides it on, remembering the last time you’d both struggled to open the allegedly easy to open packets.

He lines himself up with your entrance, not bothering to pump himself beforehand. He leans down, hovering over you as he begins to thrust into you. As soon as your walls squeeze around him, he lets out a hiss of air. He buries his face in the crook of your neck in an attempt to muffle the loud string of moans as he begins rolling his hips, feverishly humping into you.

“F-fuck,” he moans into your ear, as warmth rapidly generates between you. Your body presses into his, and he can’t get enough of the feeling. He presses messy kisses along your jaw and neck, sucking hickies into your perfect skin. You run your hands up and down his back, lifting up his shirt in that way that sets off fireworks in his brain. You feel so good and you’re always so nice… his breath is taken away by how good you are, how good you are to him. You lightly drag your nails down his back, and in his hazy euphoric brain fogged state, he detaches his lips from your neck to kiss you again.

“I love…” he breathes against your lips, and his stomach does a flip flop. The words are out before he can even think about them, and the split second pause where he tries to figure out what to put at the end of the sentence other than the word he’s obviously biting back feels like an eternity.

“...When you do that.”

It’s true, he does love when you scratch his back like that. He presses kisses to your jawline, hoping you don’t see his nervous expression. You let out a soft chuckle, and he can tell you’re smiling. You drag your nails down his skin again, and his cock pulses inside you. You moan again, one hand playing with his hair. He gets lost in the feeling of your fingers raking through his hair, speeding up as he gets closer.

“Ricky,” you breathe as a warning as he continues to hit that spot inside you, and you clench around him, legs shaking as you climax yet again. A moment later he buries his face in your neck, letting out a torrent of moans as he cums hard. His stomach clenches, as he gently rides you both through your highs. You stay like that for a minute, coming down from each other’s intoxicating touch.

Shortly after, when you’re both cleaned up and sitting on your bed, you remember your food. You open up a container, handing one to Ricky.

“I knew we were forgetting something,” you muse, a comedic lilt to your voice. He chuckles, opening his up and inspecting it.

“It’s definitely cold now,” he nods. You laugh, popping a fry in your mouth.

“I think cold takeout is only really good when it’s post-sex.”

“Yeah,” he laughs, agreeing wholeheartedly, “pretty much.” He watches you as you hand him a controller, grabbing the other one, and booting up your gaming console.

“So, you gonna teach me how to play assassin’s creed, or what?”

He’s not sure how you do it, how you always manage to create such a comfortable atmosphere just by being in a room, but he cherishes it so deeply. With the way he feels around you, he’d think he had never had a single problem in his life. You provide such an integral sense of reassurance, and comfort, and stability that he has no idea how he ever lived without it. Without you. He knows that he feels more at home with you than anywhere else right now.

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rebeccccccaaa · 3 years

Text

ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ _____________________

ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’s!ʙᴇsᴛ!ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs ᴀᴜ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You and Buck have always been close growing up but you two soon learn that the line that separates friendly and flirting is a lot thinner than you think.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: fluff, slight angst bc u got a shit bf, big bro vibes from bucky, smut duh [18+ minors dni (slight praise but also slight degradation, marking, belly bulge, squirting, fem!rec oral, unprotected sex, plz be safe irl, slight choking, pet names: darling&princess, i think that’s it lmk plz)]

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey assholes i'm back for the time being lol. I have a few ideas and fics I'm currently writing right now so do not fret.

______________________________________

You knew this was a horrible idea.

It’s Saturday night and you and your boyfriend were back in another night club after being kicked out from one just hours before. Daniel had gotten too drunk, as he always does, causing you to kindly ask the bartender to cut him off. Daniel didn’t take that too lightly resulting in a gnarly swing at the poor guy just doing his job.

Security threw you out and Daniel called an Uber to go where you thought was going to be your apartment but twenty minutes later you pulled up to another club practically on the other side of town. You yelled at Daniel but he pushed aside stumbling inside for yet even more drinks and mistakes waiting for him inside.

You sat at the bar simply drinking some water and snacking on some peanuts keeping your eye on your garbage boyfriend. You're constantly checking the time on your phone, annoyed with every passing minute. It was 2 am and you just wanted to go home and sleep. You were even debating texting your brother Steve hoping you could just crash at his place not too far from where you were but it would be incredibly irresponsible to just leave Daniel in the state he’s in.

So you waited and waited and waited. Your eyelids felt heavy and your energy was just completely drained. You were basically a zombie. It wasn’t until a guy approached your half asleep body that you felt a sense of alert. Daniel was shit-faced so you were practically defenseless.

“Hey,” the guy shouted over the music.

“Sorry, I’m not interested. My boyfriend’s-” you quickly said, only to be cut off.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hit on you. I’ve got a boyfriend of my own,” he chuckled, making you breathe out in relief.

“Sorry,” you cringed at yourself.

“It’s alright; but uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You might want to check with your boyfriend,” he said sympathetically.

You pushed your way through the crowd scanning every face in search of Daniel. What did he do? Is he hurt? Did he get in trouble again? Is he getting arrested? Where is he-

“Daniel?” you said eyes tearing up a bit.

His arms were wrapped around another girl’s waist as he kissed her the way he kissed you. She practically moaned as their tongues slobbered disgustingly with each other. Their hips grinding against each other proactively as if you weren’t even there. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to rage, gripping Daniel’s short hairs and pulling his head away from whoever this girl was.

“What the fuck?” the girl complained, her eyes completely bloodshot.

“Did he tell you that he was here with his girlfriend tonight?” you're sad with gritted teeth. Daniel stumbled around still unable to register what the hell was happening.

“Oh my god, you forreal?” she said.

“Who fucking cares? She’s a prude anyway. I got more action with you than I did her in the past, what, six months?” Daniel slurred.

“You know what, you’re a fucking prick, dude. She deserves so much better than you; I bet your dick is small anyway,” the girl said.

“Fuck you too bitch,” Daniel spit.

“I can’t believe you,” you said.

“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, big fucking surprise. Babe, you’re a prude. Can’t you see it? I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you anymore,” he practically puked out the words without any second thought.

“Fine, then I hope you enjoy the rest of your night, you fucking asshole,” you stormed away holding in the tears; he wasn’t worth it.

Almost three am and you just dumped your cheating lowlife boyfriend on the other side of town. Steve wasn’t answering his phone and you even wanna be near the club anymore. Walking speedily staring at your screen desperate to call an Uber home, you bumped harshly into a hard chest falling to the ground on your bum.

“Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, darling,” the man said helping you up by your elbows.

“It’s ok. I wasn’t looking- Bucky?”

“Oh, hey kid. What are you doing? It’s like three in the morning and you don’t live anywhere near here,” Bucky said, crossing his arms.

“Daniel got himself kicked from the one by our apartment and Ubered here instead.”

“So where’s Daniel?” Bucky scowled; he’s always hated that guy, so did Steve.

“Probably fucking some other chick in the bathroom,” your voice cracked.

“What?”

“It’s nothing; I just want to go home,” you cried.

“Hey, it’s ok; it’s ok. Do you wanna crash at me and Steve’s? He’s gone for the weekend with Peggy; you can stay in his room at least for the night,” Bucky offered; so that’s why Steve’s not answering his phone.

“I don’t wanna intrude on your night. I can just call an Uber, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Steve’ll kill me if he found out I left his baby sis alone in the streets of New York at three in the morning. It’s not a problem, we were just bar hopping and I stopped drinking ages ago.”

“Are you sure, Buck?”

“Of course,” he smiled warmly at you.

“Hey, Nat!”

“What’s up?” a beautiful redhead approached you both.

“Gonna head home ; don’t do anything stupid,” he chuckled.

“You too,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Catch you Monday?”

“You’re stupid. I’ll see ya,” Bucky laughed before grabbing your hand and headed towards his apartment.

“Thanks again, Buck. For letting me stay here tonight,” you said once you entered his apartment.

It had been a while since you hung out at your brother’s apartment but nothing’s changed. Typical men and their inability to change even a throw pillow. You set your small bag on the couch before Bucky led you to Steve’s room. There were pictures of you and him posing at Steve’s graduation; and later your own. Pictures of Steve and Bucky at a theme park, during a bar-be-que for Steve’s birthday. So many memories that Steve held onto in his room.

“Time really flies doesn’t it?” Bucky said, slightly startling you.

“Sorry,” he chuckled.

“No, you’re fine. But you’re right. Feels all these pictures were taken yesterday,” you reminisced.

“I got you some clothes if you need to change; I’ll give you privacy,” Bucky said, slipping from the room briskly.

You sat on the bed frustrated with everything. Your body was so drained from being up so early in the night, to the fight with Daniel. The past couple months with him were so awful. He was just so mean to you all the time and you didn’t know what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong? When did things shift?

"Is everything ok, darling?" Bucky asked quietly, knocking on the door when you hadn't come out after a while.

"What did I do wrong? I thought he loved me," you choked out.

Bucky sighed as he walked over to the bed sitting beside you before engulfing you in a warm hug. You cried into his shoulder and Bucky couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside him for your excuse of a boyfriend Daniel. He never got along with the guy and now he finally has a reason to knock his teeth in.

"You didn't do anything, I know it. That prick wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. It's his loss. You deserve so much better than that asshole. Look at me, you're so beautiful and funny and fucking adorable; any guy who can't see how perfect you are, is a dense piece of shit."

"James," you whispered.

His words made your heart skip and your stomach flutter. But Bucky’s always had that effect on you. Even growing up. You weren’t going to sit there and pretend that hearing his words hadn't had a deeper effect than they would’ve coming from Daniel. Sometimes you wondered what being with Bucky would be like. You’re not the first to admit how handsome Bucky was and growing up you did have quite the crush on your brother’s best friend.

You don't know what it was, whether it was the alcohol still swimming through your veins, or just feeling so vulnerable being in Bucky's arms but you wanted him badly. You needed him, needed to feel something again. And you knew he could give it to you. You pressed your lips to his and in an instant his hands dropped to your hips pulling you impossibly close against his body. Your hands went to the back of his head as you kissed him messily. Your noses bumped and teeth clashed but it was the best kiss you’ve ever had.

“Fuck, your brother’s gonna kill me,” Bucky mumbled, almost to himself, as he slowly laid you down on your back.

Bucky’s hands trailed up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh every now and then as he continued kissing you passionately. Your own hands couldn’t help but tug at his shirt desperately. When he did so, your breath was completely taken away. It had been years since you’d seen Bucky without a shirt.

Not only had he been quite skinny just like your brother back then, but not long after leaving for college with Steve he was in a bike accident that left him with ghastly scars and burns along his left arm and shoulder. Since then, it’s fair to say Bucky never really ever took his shirt off. It had taken years just for him to remove the glove he’d always wear to cover the scars on his hand.

“You’ve gotten so strong, James,” you grinned, reaching out to brush the flexed muscles running down his front.

He simply stared at you with an anticipating and anxious expression on his face, waiting for you to state the obvious. When you didn’t, when you pulled his head down to kiss him once again, he almost cried. Bucky hadn’t been with a woman in so long, afraid of this very moment. He knew at that moment, there was no one quite like you.

Bucky fell in love.

“Let me take care of you, darling. You’ve been so good to me,” Bucky whispered huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand under your own shirt brushing his fingertips along the underside of your breast.

His lips pressed softly against your hot skin along your neck before standing up between your legs at the end of the bed. He pulled your shirt off then played cheekily with the straps of your bra that you still had on. You smiled back at him with the same playful stare, reaching behind you to unclasp the material.

You could see the way Bucky’s eyes darken and his pupils widened as he stared in awe at your naked chest. Your skin bursted into chills under his hungry gaze even though you felt like you were burning up. Bucky leaned forward kissing down the valley of your breasts, nipping once in a while playfully before laying you back down. He shimmied you out of your bottoms easily, kneeling on the ground leaving you completely bare before him.

“You are absolutely stunning, princess,” Bucky whispered, running his hands up your thighs slowly.

“Bucky, please. I need you,” you whimpered.

“Don’t worry, darling. I promise I’m gonna take good care of you,” he smirked devilishly.

He pushed your knees open, eyeing the arousal that glistened between your thighs. He brought his fingers up to you slowly rubbing your slick around before finally pushing a thick and long finger past your folds. Your body shuddered solely at the foreign but pleasurable feeling, already moaning softly.

Bucky’s cock strained through pants upon hearing your beautiful moans; they were like music to his ears. He couldn’t help the way his hips would buck into the mattress in a desperate attempt to relieve some pain from his erection. Soon after he pulled his fingers from you slowly only to thrust them further in you, curling his fingers just right.

He brought his mouth down to you, wrapping his lips around your clit sucking harshly. You gasped and your back arched, overwhelmed with pleasure Bucky was giving you with just his mouth and fingers. All the times that you’d given yourself to your ex, he had never made you feel this good before, feel this full; let alone with his fingers. Bucky was taking his time with you solely for your own pleasure and it made your heart swoon.

Your legs trapped Bucky’s head between your thighs, squeezing as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Your hands went to his hair pulling on his dark locks causing Bucky to moan deeply against you. You were so close to a release; your legs shaking violently and your stomach tightening.

“Come on, princess. Want you to come all over my face. Can you do that for me, darling?”

“Fuck!”

“Be a good girl and make a mess,” Bucky teased.

His fingers moved faster as he swirled his tongue around and over your clit just as quickly. You were becoming overwhelmed and that coil bursted in the pit of your stomach. You pushed Bucky’s face from you, shrieking with pure pleasure; Bucky’s kept the rapid pace with fingers as you fell over the edge.

“Fucking hell, that was so hot, princess,” Bucky said standing up; his fingers, arm, his chest was covered in your arousal.

“Did I do that?” your voice trembled.

“Because of me,” Bucky winked playfully.

“I didn’t know I could do that,” you let your head fall back on the bed as you briefly caught your breath.

Bucky grabbed his shirt that he discarded not long ago and quickly wiped his chest and arm before discarding his pants and boxers. He nearly moaned at the feeling when he finally freed his dick from the restraining garments. His hand instantly wrapped around the base before pumping himself a few times.

You brought yourself onto your elbows momentarily ogling at the sight of Bucky completely bare before you. Your mouth practically watered at the sight. Bucky crawled over you kissing you deeply and messily; but perfectly. He pulled away and you both had goofy smiles on your faces before bursting into a fit of giggles, Bucky’s head burying into the crook of your neck.

“You’re so goddamn adorable, princess,” Bucky’s voice was muffled.

“Bucky,” you whined.

You couldn’t resist squirming underneath the burly man. Although, you’ve just had what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you wanted more. You needed more; you needed Bucky.

“I got you, darling. I got you.”

Bucky wanted to tease you more, make you beg, but he was just as desperate to feel you as you were. He propped himself up on his elbows kissing you one last time before reaching between your bodies and lining his dick with your entrance. Both you and Bucky moaned simultaneously as he stretched you out; curses spilling from his lips as incoherent moans fell from yours.

“So fucking tight, princess. Squeezing my cock just right, aren’t ya?” he whispered.

“Fuck, I feel so full,” you whimpered.

Bucky began to slowly move his hips in and out of you deliciously. He quickly picked up the pace, jetting his hips rapidly making your moans louder. Bucky sat up on his knees and gripped your waist surely to leave bruises in your wake. This new angle surprised you and you couldn’t help the squeals and moans that left your mouth. You chanted Bucky's name like a prayer; as if it was the only word you knew.

Bucky watched you carefully, your face contorting with pure euphoric pleasure. He couldn’t help notice the small bump in your lower belly and without a second thought, he grabbed your hands pressing them firmly over your tummy.

“You feel how deep I am, darling? Fucking poking through,” Bucky grunted.

“Shit! Oh, it feels so good,” you moaned.

“That’s right, no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good again. This pussy’s mine now,” Bucky growled.

He took one of his hands and wrapped it around your throat squeezing the sides gently but firm at the same time. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned even louder, confident that the neighbors were sure to complain in the morning. Feeling Bucky’s hand around your neck was so exhilarating; you and Daniel had never ever experimented with anything beyond a pair of handcuffs, and that particular night went horribly.

You like being choked by Bucky.

“Fucking slut; you like this, don’t ya?” he came down to whisper huskily against your lips.

“Mh-hm,” you moaned with a devilish grin, your bottom lip resting between your teeth before your eyes rolled back again.

“Such a fucking beauty you are.”

Bucky hips snapped in and out and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he needed to release.

“God, I’m close, princess,” he growled.

His hand moved to rest on the back of your neck to pull you up so you straddled his thighs and your chest was flushed against his. Your sensitive and hardened nipples brushed against his slightly sweaty skin causing you to shudder in pleasure. Bucky’s lips attached themselves to your skin along your collar bones sucking harshly leaving purple marks all along.

Your legs shook once again as they did before and soon enough with an arched back and shout of Bucky’s name you came all over his cock. Overwhelmed with your sex, Bucky bit harshly on your shoulder in a poor attempt to muffled the loud groans and moans he elicited. Feeling your velvety walls squeeze tightly around him pushed him over the edge, coating your walls with hot ribbons on cum.

He fell forward almost crushing you but you were too tired to complain. Bucky continued to pepper soft kisses all over your skin whispering how good you were to him, how beautiful you looked. Just absolutely showering with compliments. You felt him slowly getting off you, probably afraid he was crushing you, but you didn’t want him to leave just yet.

“Don’t,” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his body.

“I don’t want to crush you, darling.”

“You’re not.”

Bucky chuckled before settling completely above you, careful not to make you uncomfortable. Hardly any time went by when he felt the even and soft puffs of air hitting his skin, sure that you had fallen asleep. He picked himself up and with major guilt for his best friend, picked you up from the bed and walked you to his own room.

After he was sure you stayed sound asleep, Bucky grabbed a clean pair of boxers and hurried himself to Steve’s room again. He collected all the discarded clothes and the dirty sheets and tossed them in the washing machine to clean right away.

He hadn’t meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister, let alone in his own room, on his own bed, but it all happened so fast.

He went back to his room letting the clothes do it’s thing, and quickly grabbed his phone. He messaged Steve, telling him that when he got back for his weekend with Peggy, he really needed to talk to him.

Tonight made Bucky realize how much he loved you. Growing up, you two had always been close. But he doesn’t know when he stopped being friendly and instead began flirting. Bucky wanted to be with you; he knew it now more than ever.

Bucky watched your gorgeous sleeping form on his bed. He smiled to himself before opening the window; the sun already rising and those beautiful golden rays seeped through the glass window, making you look angelic. He crawled into bed cuddling flushed against your naked body. He chuckled softly when you realized he’d returned, wiggling even further into his arms.

“I love you, Bucky,” you mumbled.

“I love you, too, darling.”

And he really, and truly did love you. As did you love him.

=======================

ᴛᴀɢʟɪsᴛ: (For all my work)

@mathletemadison

@buckybarnes101-blog

@l-sofiamia-l

@pluto-grrl-blog

@partr1dge

@stefans-wife

@cordeliaswhore

@fleurlovesbucky

@povsmarvel0720

@missroro

Bucky Barnes Taglist:

@stolenxkissess

@bucknastayyy38

#marvel smut #bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes #bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes smut #marvel fics #bucky x y/n

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sevmch · 3 years

Text

promise | arlert a.

summary: armin keeps his promise even when you're not around anymore.

genre: pure angst, hurt no comfort

warning(s): manga spoilers, mentions of blood, major character death, mentions of injuries, lmk for more // not proof read ish

pairing: armin arlert x reader

a/n: sorry for being so ia lately, i’ve been super busy with college questions myself for choosing the science field lol so yeah progress is reaaally slow with other works but they’re there in my drafts... thanks for being patient with my ily all (also recommend listening to vogel im kafig for this for more feels) also a lil rusty :3

light.

your body felt light, like you were floating above water or to be more accurate, a feather floating in the air. time was slow and the world was quiet, making the sound of your soft breaths loud in your ears.

strange.

as far as your mind can recall, it was loud and hectic that you were nearly out of breath. you squint at the sun, movements seemingly tedious and uncontrollable, your arms and legs feeling limp. you blinked, realizing how blue the skies were up close. pretty, armin would love this.

armin, would love this.

the weather was great today, giving you a perfect chance to adore the clouds as they moved smoothly above in the skies. it was beautiful and you were excited for armin to see this.

speaking of, armin's head came into view above you, blocking your line of sight as he knelt by your head. but you weren't complaining, his blue eyes were prettier than the skies and his adorable smile was a much better view.

"sorry it took me a while, i was showing eren something i found." he lay next to you with a book pressed against his chest, sighing in relief when catching the view you were admiring just moments ago.

"pretty, isn't it?" you said, though by pretty you meant him, admiring the side of his face and the small smile that crept up his lips. he nodded, "it is. i like it here."

"me too."

this was a shared spot with armin, meeting everyday at a hill not so far from the town where the view of the clouds could best be admired. it was peaceful in this area, the chirping of the birds and the muffled noises of the market from a distance. but frankly, anywhere with armin was a place you'd like.

"so what were you sharing with eren?" you pursed your lips, noticing his eyes light up at you showing interest, sitting up and opening the book he held for you to see.

he told you everything - about the world beyond the walls. an ocean of salt, a land filled with sand, a place made up of ice, and so on. chin resting on your palms, you listened attentively, observed and watched the twinkle in his eyes as he told you those things and you could feel your heart swell with joy.

"i'll take you to these places someday," he said, cheeks flushing as he closed the book. you felt yourself blush, sitting up as well to hide it from him.

"you promise?"

"i promise."

entwining your pinkies together and sealing the promise, you grew excited of the future with armin, pointing at the sketch of a land made of ice you said, “take me here then.”

“i will. then i’ll take you here next, and here, oh, here too.” armin smiled softly at you, pointing at the sketches on the book before going back to lying down on the grass and pointing at the clouds.

"i wanna touch them. do you think i can take a chunk of it?"

armin snorted, "that's impossible."

impossible.

touching the clouds was impossible and so was being close to it without anything to bring you to it. how did you come this close?

you smiled softly, the ache in your muscles gone. you wanted to extend your arms, to touch them like you’ve always wanted to. were they really as soft as a cotton? would you be able to hold them in your hands? armin, i can finally see them up close.

tears brimmed at the corner of your eyes, chest filled with warmth and delight at the beauty you were seeing. everyday, you saw the skies whether it was bright in its glory or gloomy with the rain but right now, it was like a glimpse of paradise. armin would surely love this too.

the tranquility and bliss was fleeting as the sight was stolen taken away, body rotating to the left in what seemed like slow motion and the scene you're met with next has your eyes growing wide, horrified.

horrified, you pushed eren aside as you dropped to your knees next to armin, arms coming around him in a tight embrace while you sobbed at the crook of his neck.

"thank you," you whimpered. "you scared me so much armin, i thought i lost you."

armin's hands made their way around your waist, giving you a reassuring squeeze that he was right there alive, heart beating as if it wasn't on the brink of stopping hours ago. "i'm sorry."

"please, don't do that again," you choked on your tears, the image of him nearly dying after fighting against bertholdt replaying in your head.

"i won't." caressing your hair, he relaxed against you. "i won't leave you ever. i promise."

armin made a lot of promises to you. promises of taking you to beautiful places, taking care of you, staying alive for you, being with you, loving you.

you thought back if you ever returned the promise of staying alive too, scared that you might be the one to break it after you've pestered him not to die since day one of joining the corps until the rumbling.

body turning to face up again, the wind was harsh against your skin as gravity began to pull you back down. the short solace dissipating and time unfreezing, suddenly falling seemed to be faster than staying up in the air.

the skies were getting further away just as you had finally reached out for them, just like how freedom was always stripped away from you and your friends' fingertips.

cruel.

the world was cruel. a tear escaped, trailing down your left cheek when you think of armin. his ocean blue eyes that held the stars and continued to see the good in evil, his blue eyes that you could stare into forever while they looked back at you lovingly. you smiled softly when remembering how soft his hair was as you threaded your fingers through them. you wanted to touch them again.

you wanted to touch armin again.

closing your eyes, you braced for the impact. waiting to hit the ground and maybe, the next time you wake up you'd be lying on the soft grass where you and armin always met up as kids. maybe, he'll be there too and you'll both stay there forever with no more war, no more deaths, no more chaos.

a loud gasp broke free from your chest, back hitting something that surely wasn't the ground but still rigid enough, rebounding slightly from the impact before your body rolled painfully sideways.

eren looked sideways, avoiding the terrified but mostly hurt expression painting your features as he told you, "you'll die in the rumbling."

no words left your lips, caught off guard by his words. you met up in a secluded alleyway at his request at the night of his escape, saying there was something you needed to know before he acted on his plans. this, you didn't expect.

"i saw it," eren mumbled. "you don't have to die, you know?"

your brows furrowed, "what do you mean?"

"don't fight. leave and go to the northern wall where historia is and wait for armin there." he shot you a serious look, masking his concern with a tough exterior.

"if i die, someone else will in my place." your lips trembled at the thought. death wasn't a scary concept to you. always having it chase your tail and avoid it by a margin for years that it didn't faze you anymore. leaving armin alone was what scared you most that you almost bite at eren's idea. but you were a variable in the future he saw; a significant piece in a game of chess. if you were to change things for your own benefit, the burden was going to be passed to someone else and you weren't sure which one was worse.

sensing your predicament, eren held your shoulders, shaking you lightly. "be selfish for once. do it for you and armin. if you die, armin will never heal from it. he's..." his head dropped and you swore you saw a tear fall to the ground. "i don't want him to deal with the pain of losing us both. please, stay alive."

you wanted to, god you wanted to live. you wanted to marry armin, build a family with him, live until your hairs turned gray. this was torture.

"you shouldn't have told me, eren. what am i supposed to do now?!" yanking his hands off you, you took a step back from him, failing to stop the tears that rolled down your cheeks. eren was just as broken as you, eyes solemn and full of agony from the future he saw. but the more you studied his expression, the clearer it became.

"no," you said shakily. "you're only telling me this so i can spend the rest of my time with armin the best way i can. there's no other way for me in the futue you saw, is there?"

defeated, eren nodded. were you supposed to thank him? or should you yell at him for telling you? you didn't know.

"i always want the best for you and armin. i'm sorry." sorry because in his plans of achieving freedom, you, a dear friend to him, were going to die.

slowly, your hands snaked at his waist, surprising him. you were upset, but the fact that this was the last time you'll ever talk to eren was more heartbreaking than the future he told you.

"thank you for being my friend, eren."

"i'm sorry."

i'm sorry armin. i'm sorry for not telling you.

"dammit!"

pain. the adrenaline has stopped flowing in your system and all you could feel was pain all over like needles prickling and fire burning your body. you were dangling in the air this time, screeching in pain as the captain held your wrist tightly to keep you from falling. falco had caught you midair, just in time before the worst came.

the searing pain in your shoulder was unbearable, practically ripping your vocal chords from how much you were screaming at the agony.

"hold on!" levi gritted his teeth, sweat trickling at the side of his face as he endured his own injuries just to keep you up. "don't you dare let go."

gabi came to help pull you up until it was safe enough for you to lay still, her eyes wide and glassy, flickering between you and her red stained hands.

ah, right. before you were thrown up in the air like a ragged doll, you were helping jean get to pieck, shoving him aside when a titan came from behind resulting to you being swatted away harshly and their sharp nail grazing at your abdomen.

the adrenaline prevented you from feeling that for a while but now that you lay still, you could feel the blood oozing out of the wound and your throat going dry. you could also feel a few broken ribs at the landing, chest heaving as you eased your breath.

"don't close your eyes," levi said, clicking his tongue and yelling orders at falco. shaking your weak body, you focused your attention on him. "you're going to meet again with armin so don't you fucking close your eyes, understood?"

you nodded, though you're not sure if you can withstand the exhaustion. this must be what eren saw in his vision.

this must be it.

you thought that was it.

a miscalculation on your end nearly cost you your life, a titan grabbing your wire that shot past its ear. luckily, armin was quick enough to react, cutting the wire before it could pull you to it and catching you in the air.

"can you be a bit more careful?!" the neck in his veins throbbed, ears turning red from the way he raised his voice at you. "you could've died!"

"i know, i didn't think it was that close-"

"wait for me to say something next time instead of doing things on your own, will you?!" he yelled, taking big steps towards you and shrugging off mikasa who tried to stop him. "you're so reckless! all you ever think about is yourself! can you stop for a second and think about me too?!"

you flinched, stomach twisting and sinking uncomfortably at the panic and fear written all over armin's face. he rarely raised your voice, especially at you, so now that he was doing it meant you really did scare the life out of him.

but it ripped you apart even more at the way he was reacting now from a close call. how was he going to be when it was time. you hugged him, bringing him close to you as you snuggled against his chest.

"i'm sorry," he said softly into your hair, holding you tight. "i shouldn't have yelled-"

"'s fine."

"i'm just scared," he whispered, trying not to sniffle too loud. "i can't lose you. i don't want to."

"i know," was all you could say in return. wanting to reassure him you weren't going anywhere, but it was far from the truth and lying to armin was the last thing you ever wanted.

you wanted to see armin or feel him at least.

you don't know how long you've been sitting on the concrete, listening on the commotion from afar and being clueless on what's happening.

was armin okay? was he finally back? were you going to see him one last time?

the next time you blinked awake, armin was next to you.

"am i dreaming?" you said weakly, attempting to raise your hand to hold his face. he has been crying; you could see it from the wetness of his lashes, his puffy red eyes, the trails of his previous tears. eren has gone, it was over.

you smiled in relief. they're free, eren.

"no, i'm here. i'm really here." armin took your left hand in both of his big ones, planting a kiss on your knuckles as he sat next to you. "i'm not going anywhere."

"that's nice," you hummed, leaning against his shoulder as he draped an arm around you.

"i'm sorry you had to wait long," his voice broke, hot tears falling on your entwined hands. you shook your head no, too tired to even shed a tear. "but thank you for waiting."

you nodded. "the clouds are so pretty, aren't they?"

his shoulders shuddered, a choked sob leaving his chest, completely wrapping both his arms around you in a tight embrace. "yeah," he managed to say. "they are."

"i saw them up close... wish you saw them too."

"i don't need to," his lips trembled terribly, weeping violently when you started putting most of your weight against him. "nothing ever amounts to how beautiful you are."

you chuckled, wincing at the pain that jolted through your body. "still as romantic as ever, huh. will you still take me to see the world?"

"of course, love." armin exhaled deeply, holding back his dam of tears from breaking. "i'll take you anywhere and everywhere you want."

with the remaining strength you have, you rested your chin on his shoulder to see his beautiful face up close once more.

"i’ll see you later, yeah?" you smiled weakly, breathing becoming more difficult. your heart ached at having to leave him, wishing you could still stay even a little longer and be with him. but life was cruel, and this was how things turned out to be. "i love you, armin and i’m so glad i get to spend most of my time alive with you. remember that."

he squeezed his eyes shut, resting his forehead against yours.

"smile for me please." and he does, and as you close your eyes, his beautiful smile was the last thing you saw.

"i love you," his voice broke, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead as he finally burst into tears.

you squint at the blinding light, the sun, as you presumed, shining down brightly making it difficult to see. while your eyes adjusted to the brightness, the smell of fresh grass and summertime air filled your nostrils and from above you could hear the mellow chirps of the bird.

bringing a hand up to block the sun, you were beaten to it by a book hovering above your face, blinking twice to find armin beaming at you, his hair parted in the middle. a new hairstyle, huh.

"i was reading to you but then you fell asleep," he pouted, lying down beside you and staring at you lovingly. "are you tired?"

"no," you laughed, sighing contently. "i feel more energetic actually. like i've had an amazing sleep after a very tiring day."

"that's nice. i'll take that as a sign that we can stay here longer then."

you giggled, turning to your side to face him completely and you felt contented more than ever. "we can even stay here forever if you want."

"that's even better," armin said, smiling widely as he looked up at the sky.

armin lay on the grass, watching as the clouds moved steadily above him. he stayed there longer than usual today, seeking comfort from the gentle brush of the wind against him.

today, it felt like you were right next to him. as if you were pointing at the clouds and telling him about what you thought of them. he could still hear your voice clearly like it were just yesterday, before the titans broke down the wall of the town you both grew up in, stripping you both of your youth.

he missed you more and more everyday, thinking of you all the time and even if it was impossible, hoped you would one day come back to him and to this spot like you always did as kids with the brightest of smiles painting your features. sometimes, it still felt like you were around; he'd be excited to come home to you after an exhausting day only to arrive to a dull, empty space.

"i miss you," he whispered to the air, thinking that maybe you were right next to him too at this moment.

"oi, armin. time to go." jean called and pointed past his shoulder, gesturing that it was time to leave again. armin huffed, pushing himself up and looking at the paper in his hand - the sketch of a land made up of ice that he ripped from the book to take with him as they traveled.

"let's go and see the world, love."

ending was kinda half assed im sorry</3 rbs and feedbacks appreciated ;) stay safe ppl

2021 (c) sevmch | strictly do not copy or repost.

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showerthoughtsonly · 2 years

Text

Inspiration

Captain Rex x reader (mostly platonic with romantic undertones)

Summary: There are times where creating something to unwind feels like wrangling a swarm of angry bees into a much too small jar. It piles up into frustration and ire that you can’t quite help. The sweet Captain reminds you that creating can be hard, yes, but that you are also more than capable of tackling the task.

A/N: Ngl, I’ve been hardcore struggling with writing and drawing rn. I took spring break in the middle of bfn, and its a bit better now, but I can’t promise how much I’ll be able to produce, lol. Enjoy, my loves, and remember that you are loved and appreciated!

Tags: @sugarpuffsstuff @misogirl88 (lmk if you wanna be tagged in future works ;))

You squirmed slightly in your seat, pen in hand as you stared down in distain at your datapad. It had been quite some time since you’ve struggled with this and you had foolishly believed that time wasted staring at a blank page had passed. This wasn’t quite the matter of desire either, you had even put down a few lines on the paper just to try and start it, but nothing seemed to follow and thus, you had erased your progress.

There was a firm brick wall between you and your creative well at the moment and it was causing you great distress. It was bad enough that working for the military had cut your normal creative time in half.

Running back and forth across a ship, helping out where you could as an officer, had you busier than you had ever been, excluding some of your earlier years of school. You barely got a second to sit down and breathe, let alone create. With your current day off, however, you had the time, just not the creative juice.

It had literally been hours of staring and trying to get ideas flowing through your head now. You hadn’t vacated your room all day, save for a ten minute tea run. Unusual for you, as you usually at least attempted to hold normal food hours so you could engage with your little friend groups on board, but it was your day off, so you weren’t exactly expecting anyone to check in on you.

Perhaps that’s why you nearly jumped out of your seat when a loud round of knocking broke you out of your looping empty thoughts.

“Come in! Door’s unlocked!” You shouted, unable to completely muster the energy to get out of your chair to welcome the intruder into your thinking space. When the door slid open to reveal Captain Rex, you sat up straight.

“Is something wrong, Captain? Do you need me?” You asked, already starting to stand up to gather your stuff. He’s never visited your room before, unlike some others of Torrent company, and you didn’t really believe he would come unless it was an emergency.

“No, nothing’s wrong. I was just asking around deck and no one’s seen you today. So, I wanted to check in. I brought some rations as an offering.” Rex extended his hands to show two energy bars and a bottle of water. His mannerisms were slightly sheepish, as if he didn’t quite know if he was welcome in your personal space yet.

The sudden show of concern for your well-being lifted the cloud that had been hanging over your shoulders. It wasn’t entirely unexpected from the sweet Captain, you had noticed that he occasionally checked in with everyone, but now that it was your turn to be on the receiving end of his attention, everything got a little bit brighter.

“Thank you. I really appreciate it, Captain. I didn’t really realize that I’d been holed up in here all day.” You said, gratefully taking the food and drink from him. Your fingers brushed in the exchange and you were struck by how warm his hands felt.

“Don’t mention it, kid. Anything else I can help with? You look a little, um…down.” Rex continued. The concern in his warm eyes had you melting in seconds.

“Not really. I just finally had some time to indulge my hobby and it , uh, didn’t go as planned.” You said, shrugging softly to try and lessen the feelings welling up in your chest. Your gaze was suddenly on your pen in your hands, busying yourself with spinning it back and forth to avoid his gaze.

A warm hand clasped your shoulder through your loungewear, bringing your head back up. Rex was suddenly much closer, a fact that had your heart suddenly racing.

“That sounds frustrating. Do you wanna take a walk with me? Let that unconscious brain do some processing and get your thoughts flowing? I was about to go back to the barracks. The boys are settling down for a couple of games.” He offered. The offer was sincere and sweet, you could see it in the way he offered his arm and glanced nervously from your face to the wall and back to your face.

Still, you were loath to part from your desk, especially if this walk ended in hanging out with the men back in the barracks. There was no guarantee that you would return in a timely manner if you got sucked into whatever insane game they had concocted this time. Rex must have sensed your hesitancy because he continued on.

“We can talk about your frustration, if you want. It might be good to vent and move around a little.” He said quickly, clearly wanting you to move around. You took another second to ponder, then joined him at his side.

“Sure, why not. Might be a bit nice.” You muttered, still slightly sour at the thought of leaving your hovel before you had produced an acceptable masterpiece. To your delight, Rex offered his elbow. You slid your arm through his, relishing in the smooth slide of plastoid against your soft top and the warmth that basically seemed to radiate off his body.

The two of you stepped out of your room and established a steady rhythm quickly, settling into a leisurely pace down the gray, stale hallways. You hadn’t had the pleasure to really get to know the Captain quite yet. Nearing upon three months aboard, you were just now settling into some friendships and a nice routine. Rex was around as you tended to hang around the Torrent company often, but you had alone been alone together once or twice.

Him intentionally seeking you out in order to make sure that you were alright really touched your heart. It was nice that he cared.

“So, would you like to talk about it? Try to nibble on that bar when you can too.” Rex gestured to the bar that you hadn’t set down while vacating the room. You slipped your arm out to unwrap it before quickly replacing it, unwilling to part from the physical point of contact that he had offered.

“Sure, I guess. Creating is kind of… a release. It’s hard to start sometimes and often doesn’t want to go, if that makes sense, but not putting things down on paper really bugs me. It’s, for a lack of a better analogy, it feels like you want to crawl out of your skin.” You explained hesitantly, hoping that your analogy wouldn’t seem too graphic to a captain used to the horrors of war.

Rex squeezed your arm briefly, nodding for you to go on as you rounded a corner.

“It’s just really frustrating when I finally have the time to sit down and nothing wants to come out. It’s all bundled up in my head and desperate to escape, it’s just that every time I start it, it feels wrong. Not good enough.” You said, a little sigh punctuating the end of your small rant.

Rex waited for a couple of seconds, only responding when you took a bite of your snack to make sure that it was his turn to speak.

“I get it. I have a tough time believing that anything you could create wouldn’t be good enough, though. I can’t exactly speak from experience, but it sounds like you’re struggling with tension and some anxiety. See if taking a deep breath and letting some of that go helps. Do a couple of idle warm-ups. Your brain needs exercise just as much as the rest of you does and you never just leap into a physical practice without warming up.” He offered. Rex’s tone of voice was a soothing baritone that had your body nearly melting. To your surprise, his words seemed to make your earlier struggles make a bit of sense.

The words seemed to linger in the air as you swallowed your snack. This hallway had enormous, open windows, displaying stars and space swirling past as the ship flung through hyperspace. The passing lights swirled over Rex’s face and lingered on the smooth round of his cheek and bridge of his nose as he looked at you, warm emotions you weren’t exactly ready to confront lingering in his eyes.

“That makes sense. I’ll try some things when I get back. Thank you, Captain.” You smiled softly at Rex and something in your chest twisted pleasantly as a new color flushed through his cheeks faintly.

“Anytime. And, uh, call me Rex when you’re off duty.” He said, not seeming entirely comfortable with all of your attention on him. You continued on with your little walk, resisting the urge to lean further on him or softly put your head on his arm.

Captain Rex was a soothing presence, one that you hadn’t really noticed before. Just being around him made tension bleed out of your posture, despite being a figure in authority above you. It was nice to have his support behind you.

When you returned back to your room after a quick round of some random card game that Fives had created on-the-fly in the barracks, you sat down, took a deep, calming breath and put your pen to your holopad. This time, thoughts bled onto metaphorical paper, flying from your mind to your hand.

This time, it wasn’t long until you had effectively created something that you felt proud of. You had a suspicion that your Captain would be proud of you as well.

#a love letter to my fellow creators struggling rn #captain rex x reader #captain rex #the clone wars #star wars #sw fics #no y/n bcs >:/

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fa-headhoncho · 3 years

Text

Untitled TFATWS Fic: Part 5

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt: i stuck at prompts so uh hoskins is the best and walker is kind of the worst and the beginning then the worst at the end :)

Word Count: 1865

Reader: Female

Warning: uhhh

Author's Note: lmk for taglist, also sorry for not updating, I've had major writer's block. also struggling with tying things together in the plot. i'd rather not post anything than regret posting something lol. PLEASE GIVE ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, I KNOW THERE IS STUFF WRONG, JUST TELL ME

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

=====

Waiting.

All you have left to do is wait. After letting the Flag Smashers get away, flying to Germany to infiltrate their base, and Zemo “mysteriously” breaking out of prison; you have to sit here at a random cafe and wait. Wait for a sighting or wait for the two idiots to respond to your messages.

The whole situation frustrated you. No evidence pointed to Sam and Bucky breaking Zemo out but that was enough proof for you and Walker to agree that it was them. Hoskins, on the other hand, was skeptical.

“Why would two Avengers break a criminal out of prison?” Said soldier questions from beside you. The three of you were sat outside, away from prying eyes and ears while you had a quiet meal together. It was nice to have some calm but it made you itch.

You shrug and look down at your cup of coffee, “Steve got me out of prison and I have more a wrap sheet than Zemo does.”

“Yea, but that was to save the world.” Lemar points out, giving you an exhausted look. An uncomfortable pit in your stomach forms at the mention of the first battle, the one that blipped half the world gone.

Silence falls amongst the three of you again as you all are consumed by your thoughts. A small frown appears on your face as you think back to those years ago. Natasha Romanoff, a woman you will never see again, walked into your cell with a kind smile on her face. She explained to you the circumstances and how they needed everyone they could find to defeat a titan wanting world domination.

The look on Bucky’s face seeing you in Wakanda with the blonde was nerve-wracking. He looked like he saw a ghost. It brought back memories that you knew he didn’t want to think of and you felt guilty. It was not the first time the past has blended into his present and it wasn’t going to be the last, but it was worth it.

After his initial shocked expression, he greeted you with a surprised smile. One you never saw on him during your time at Hydra with his former self. He greeted you with your alias and his smile only got larger when you corrected him with your real name.

It was a sign of a fresh start between the two of you. He stuck beside you during the whole battle, protecting you from the aliens since it was obvious you were a bit rusty. It was nice… until you lost him again.

“They were desperate.” Walker’s voice rings out from across from you, a tone of realization.

“Who?”

“The Avengers.” He clarifies making you scoff and lean back in the patio chair. “They were up against an army that they thought they defeated years ago, an alien titan threatening to take over a world they’ve been trying to protect for years. The team was split into two and they didn’t know when the other half would show up.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms in annoyance at his backhanded analysis. You were out of practice, yea, but you were useful. They couldn’t have been that desperate to recruit you. “How does that relate to now?”

Now it’s Walker’s turn to roll his eyes. “So,” He drags out then lets out a scoff, “we have no leads. We’re at a dead end and we have the government behind us. They are as desperate as we are but the only difference is that they’re freelance heroes.” He carefully explains causing you to let out a sigh. You understood what he was getting at and it made you annoyed that he was right.

“So they can blur the lines we can’t.” You reluctantly conclude, he nods and relaxes in his seat. You had to hand it to him, he was smart. His training and years of experience did him well but that didn’t relax your nerves.

Bucky was still in recovery and you didn’t know how he would react to being in Zemo’s presence let alone working with him. He’s been doing better and this plus him not going to therapy is an uncertain combo.

Walker seemed to notice you dazing off again, subtly asking Lemar to go refill their coffees. You don’t notice when the man gets up and walks off until the blonde says your name.

“Hmm?” You hum, moving to grab your cup which was no longer there. A small blush appears on your face as you realize your distraction was gone. Now you have to look at him.

“You know, my wife doesn’t like me working with you that much.” He leans back in his seat and rolls his shoulders back, looking off in the distance. “With, you know, the countless charges of treason and espionage against you.”

You let out a snort, there was a lot more than that. “Where are you going with this, Walker?”

“You said you have more a wrap sheet than Zemo does.” He simply states, eyes finally landing on you. There’s a moment of silence between you two as you try to define his words. Why was he bringing up his wife? Why did it matter that she was eerie of you?

“Yet, she knows I’ll be safe and level-headed because Hoskins is here.” He continues, “Sam is with Bucky, he’s in safe hands. If Zemo were to try anything he has Sam there to help him.”

You roll your head back and run your hands through your hair. There he goes again, thinking he knows everything and understands the situation. He continues to drone on but you stopped listening. You were proud of yourself that you kept your temper down this long, honestly, especially with your emotions right now.

You wait till he’s finished before looking back at him. He had a solemn look on his face, trying to show some sympathy and kindness but it only pissed you off further. “John, he turned him into the Winter Soldier.” Your voice was struggling to keep at an appropriate volume. “He said the words and he was gone. He still had nightmares about it to this day.

“Sam doesn’t know how to deal with the Winter Soldier. I barely do and I spent most of my life working with him. If he--”

“He’s not going to, (Y/N).” He snaps and you immediately shut up. You didn’t even realize the tears that started to pool in your eyes until you felt the wet drop roll down your cheek. He allows you to compose yourself before talking again, “My wife worries about me every day, you don’t think she’s not blowing up my phone every time she sees a newscast?

“I love her, would do anything for her. But she knows that when I see a fight, a chance to do something good or change the world for the better, that she can’t hold me back.” He passionately states as he fails from hiding his own emotions. “She still would worry even if I had...” His hands started to shake and his voice started to quiver.

It startled you, truthfully. He was allowing you to see a different side of him, the real man behind the shield. It was an odd time to get a new perspective on him but it was eye-opening nonetheless. He was opening his heart up to you as much as he probably didn’t want to, showing the same vulnerability you were.

“She supports me. She supports this crazy dream I’m living out right now and she’s there for me. You need to do the same for Bucky.” He culminates his speech just as Hoskins exits the doors of the cafe, juggling three cups and a pastry in his hands.

Walker immediately tries to relax his shoulders while you advert your eyes to the group of tourists across the street. There was a tense air between the two of you that if Hoskins noticed, he didn’t mention.

He sets the pastry down in front of you and you send him a grateful smile, a small warmth in your chest at the gesture to make you feel better. It works slightly until Walker’s words echo through your head.

=====

You let out a groan when you feel something soft wack against your face. Opening your eyes, you see black and don’t fully process what’s actually going on until the object is pulled away and replaced by a phone hovering above you.

“They’re in Latvia.” Walker’s voice rings out from beside you. Your brain finally catches up with being woken up so abruptly as you reach out and grab the phone from his hands.

Avengers Abroad. The article title readout causes you to furrow your eyebrows. Walker starts collecting your things while Hoskins stands at the doorway with two bags in his hands.

You quickly skim through the piece as the blonde aggressively throws your clothes into your duffle, “Why are they in Latvia?” You question, looking up from the phone to Walker who just ignores you. It would’ve made you laugh, seeing him pack up like a child whose mother just picked him up in the middle of a sleepover but the expression on his face was not one to mess with.

“We don’t know.” Hoskin’s soothing voice answers for him. “We need to head out immediately in case they spotted Karli, though. The most we can do right now is meet up with them and help.”

“And arrest Zemo,” Walker adds, walking out of the bathroom.

You raise your hands in exasperation, a questioning look on your face. “Weren’t you the one who was just convincing me that it was a good thing that they had Zemo with them?”

“Never said it was a good thing, just a desperate thing.” He corrects, “Now we have enough information to arrest them both for harboring a fugitive, we can take whatever information they--”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You throw your covers off and get up from the bed. You were furious that he would even utter those words, he knew they were with him and now he was just trying to corner them to make it seem like he was doing civil justice. “You just want to turn the tables to make it seem like you did all the work, you want the starlight more than you want to take down Karli.”

There’s a tense moment of silence where you and Walker just stare at each other. You could tell you struck a nerve by the way his shoulder’s squared up. It happened every time you insulted him and it was his tell to show he was trying to hold back his emotions.

“Just grab the rest of your shit and meet us in the lobby.” He demands, giving your bag a heave and throwing it at you. Luckily, your reflexes work faster than your brain does and you catch it. There’s a bit of guilt that bites at the back of your head for the low blow, especially since he gave you some good advice this morning, but you had more important matters to attend to.

_____

taglist: @crowleysqueenofhell @mischiefmanaged71 @thewinterrbucky @lizajane3 @ahahafudge @spookycereal-s @a-girl-who-loves-disney @kittengirl998 @ sebby-staan @felicityofbakerstreet @sltwins @tanyaherondale @mads-weasley @healy-facedown @bbl32 @sebby-staan

#bucky barnes x reader #tfatws #bucky x you #james bucky barnes #james barnes #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x female reader #mcu

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mooshua · 3 years

Text

hi uh it’s mooshua (aurora, moosh, whatever you want to call me). I’m so sorry about my sudden leave and everything and worrying some of you. that was really uncool of me to do and I really am so regretful for that. honestly I’m kinda embarrassed right now. explaining myself is rather difficult because, I won’t lie, I’ve been having feelings of inadequacy towards both myself and the works I put out. lol so I’m kind of having a hard time articulating my emotions because my mind is all over the place and I’m literally sweating as I type this out.

long story short: I got burnt out, started hating my writing with all my being, accumulated some Not So Nice messages, and then just did not want to be perceived anymore.

the long story: like I said above, I’ve been having Conflicting Feelings with regards to what I have been writing. anytime I read what I wrote I would just feel my gut twist and turn like I was going to throw up because I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. nothing about it was... up to my standard? nothing flowed right, I could point out a billion mistakes, and I wasn’t laughing like I used to. and it wasn’t just feeling embarrassed, it was like whenever I wrote something I would Not Be Having Fun With It because I kept thinking “deadline deadline deadline you need to finish this by the end of this week it’s only 5k words are you saying you can’t come up with a measly chapter in a week you used to be able to write 15 chapters in a month you dog” and I would just force myself to sit in front of my computer for hours and when I finally finished I wasn’t really happy with the final product I would just think “god I need a smoke break” even though I’ve never smoked in my life. and then I’d also get “please update!” messages/comments in the dry periods and, don’t get me wrong I really appreciate that people are reading my stuff, but I’d feel more and more stressed because then I’d automatically think “Oh My God People Are Waiting And I’m Letting Them Down.”

so with all these bad feelings welling up inside me I thought “I need a break.” and that’s what I did. I took like a 3 week break in september/october (I honestly don’t remember because the days have been bleeding together) in hopes that I just needed to rest to get my brain started again! after those 3 weeks I then did the usual routine of writing and updating, but again Things Just Didn’t Feel Right because it felt like I was diving back into that stress inducing spiral of the dreaded Weekly Updates.

I mean, I would get so hung over this stuff because in the back of my mind during my free time I’d be thinking “I could be writing and finishing up both series right now” and you know what? I’d do that. well, I tried at least. I’d force myself to sit and type whenever I had ANY free time because I already had everything planned, I just needed to put words to a page. well, doing that for nights on end was just mentally exhausting me to New Levels. everything I was doing was not sustainable at all.

AND THEN THINGS SLOWLY GOT WORSE because I would have zero confidence in my writing and every week or so I’d get a message in my inbox saying something along the lines of (or rather word for word) “your writing isn’t that good/special/anything new I don’t understand why people are reading it/why you get so many notes/you’re not as funny as you think you are” and at first I would kind of laugh at it and go “oh trust me buddy, I’m wondering the same thing too” and then delete it because I do Not Wish to entertain the thought on my blog, but then I was hitting a new all time low in my mentality and I got another message on the day I deactivated which was a Really Bad Day and it read “your writing isn’t good” and I went back to the chapter I was editing for the day, felt my gut do that twist and I thought “you know what? you’re right. it’s not. goodbye.” pressed the forbidden red button and honestly felt a weight lift off my shoulders because that meant I no longer had to deal with that stupid cycle of constantly updating in order to Feel Something.

I kept thinking “why is this not as fun as it used to be, why am I so stressed out all the time opening that stupid doc and going on my blog?” like I would literally sit down and think about this as if it was a math problem or something. my inadequacies kept rising within me but I would just bottle it up, go to writing and trying to answer messages like nothing was wrong because I really didn’t want to worry anyone or think I was a charity case who needed help, but now that I think about it I really should have talked this out instead keeping my mouth shut. I just thought this was something everyone goes through so I was like whatever it’ll pass. I kept thinking “this shouldn’t be as deep as I’m making it” and brush it aside, but then I kept thinking negatively about my ability to write and literally DREADED sitting down in front of my laptop that I would have to hype myself up in order to get a sentence in. I think the last time I actually felt really proud of something I had written was during the summer...... and then after that it was just downhill.

and listen. I know this is just a Fun endeavor and I really shouldn’t care about what other people think as long as it makes me happy, but along the way I stopped being happy because I started caring Way Too much and putting unrealistic expectations on myself. it’s weird. I know at my Big Age I should have a better mentality, but it’s been eating at me for a while and I just wanted to pull the plug.

okay now the part that a lot of people are wondering: are you going to finish your series? I plan to. I really want to. I think it’d be a waste not to. I’m still feeling pretty conflicted right now with my writing, but I already mapped everything out, and I don’t like to break promises since I already said I was going to do this thing. thanks to anyone who read my works and I’m sorry to have worried you. I just needed to take a step back and think about what’s good for myself.

yeah. so that’s my explanation. this whole thing is so long and for that I’m sorry. if you went through this then pat on the back for you. I don’t know when I’ll come back or how long it will take. I just want time for myself and to not think about anything with regards to writing. like at all. also I only have 1 request: for anyone who downloaded the series from ao3, please do not repost or reupload or redistribute them. please I’m literally begging. I deleted them for a reason and I really don’t like the idea of these stories floating around without my consent. when I do get back into it I’d like to make edits to what I have written. idk if any of my mutuals still want to talk to me after this but feel free to lmk lmfao sorry I know that I sound like I’m off the deep end but I really just need to cool it before I start diving back into a Healthy Relationship With My Writing Hobby lol. why am I so dramatic... SORRY. anyway. I hope you guys are staying happy and healthy during this time. don’t forget that.

#mooshua #shiratorizawa antics #msby black jackals online!

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unbridgeabledistances · 3 years

Note

I love your last fic so much it got me thinking could you write something about like the gallaghers( +Kev and v and sandy etc) observing Ian and Mickey’s relationship? Like their perspectives of seeing them be soft with each other and just their dynamic? I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense lol <3

hiiiii anon!<3 okay i want to start off by saying that this got WAY too long, bc i loved this prompt a lot- so much that i think i might make this a multi-part thing on ao3! i started with sandy (since i am in love with her) but i’ll also go through the gallaghers/kev & v soon- lmk if u guys want me to continue, and who u would want me to write next if i do (or if u want me to continue with sandy lol i have lots of thoughts and feelings)

this ended up taking place in s10 when we first meet sandy, fyi:) also tw for brief mentions of abuse (as always, bc of terry 🙄) -- and there is a reference to the line in 10x07 that jokes about mickey and sandy for a brief moment

When Sandy heard her phone buzz on that Tuesday afternoon, sitting on the stained and lumpy couch in her shithead uncle’s living room while drinking a beer and arguing with Alek about what type of insurance fraud could make the biggest payout, she had no idea what to expect on the other end of the line. The phone kept ringing, the contact info lighting up the screen: MICKEY.

Mickey? Shit. It had been a long fucking time. Between her own various juvie stints as a kid and Mickey’s time behind bars overlapping just as she got released, Sandy hadn’t seen Mickey since… high school, maybe? Whenever it was, it was back when Mickey was a grimy kid with spikey hair and dirty fingernails, a kid with an obsession with guns and way too much time on his hands, back when they would hang out by the train tracks and drink beer and get way too high and do stupid shit; all in all, back when everything was a hell of a lot simpler. Sandy assumed Mickey had met Royal and been clued in about her shitshow of a life at some point while she’d been gone, and they’d possibly overlapped at a family party or two a few years ago when they both were in town— but other than hearing about the aftershocks of Mickey coming out and driving Terry up a goddamn wall, so much so that Terry broke his parole and was headed straight back to prison hours after his release, Sandy hadn’t seen Mickey in forever.

Which is why this call intrigued her so much— Mickey was supposed to be in prison for at least a couple more years, or at least that’s what his brothers had said, so why the fuck was he using a cell phone right now?

Sandy nodded her head towards the cellphone, cutting Alek off mid-sentence and sliding her thumb across the screen to pick up the call. Before saying anything, she rose off the creaky springs of the couch and speedwalked out to the front porch before answering— whatever the fuck Mickey wanted, she assumed he was calling her because this conversation wasn’t for the ears of any other Milkoviches. She lit a cigarette and leaned against the post of the front stoop, listening to the silence hanging heavy on her phone’s speaker.

“Mickey? You there?”

A low chuckle came from the other end of the line.

“Fuck. Been a long time.” Mickey’s voice sounded the same; punchy and snarky, maybe a little gruffer and raspier after years of cigarette smoke. Sandy waited a moment for Mickey to give more of a reply, or an explanation for his call, but it was clear that Mickey wasn’t going to give one right away— it was like he was testing the waters, like he was deciding if making this call was the right move. Soft static echoed on the phone line.

Sandy totally got it— reemerging from a life of cinderblock cell walls and barbed wire fences fucking sucked, especially when you were a Milkovich and the moment you got out you were faced with a choice, an opportunity: did you want to go back home, or did you want to start fresh, erase your own name, and forget this dysfunctional family ever existed? Sandy knew she felt the same way when she got out. Mickey deciding to call Sandy was a big fucking move, and she realized that— reclaiming your life as a Milkovich on the brink of a new beginning took guts.

“So, I take it you’re out of prison?” Sandy asked after a moment, inhaling another slow puff of her cigarette.

There was that laugh again— Sandy had weirdly missed it. Honestly, Mickey hadn’t ever been too bad to be around— they’d both felt like outsiders in the family, had both always had a strong head on their shoulders and a fucking moral compass, unlike the rest of Terry’s sheep who did his bidding and got swastikas tattooed on their chest. When he was younger Mickey used to follow Terry and his older brothers around like a lost puppy, and he even got those fucking knuckle tats—but later in high school, Sandy remembered seeing something deep snap inside him, bleeding out in “STAY THE FUCK OUT” and “FUCK LOVE” signs taped onto his bedroom walls. At the time she thought it was the fucked-up shit with Terry and Mandy driving him up a wall— but now she realized the constant bombardment of homophobia, coupled with the cuts and bruises blooming on his cheeks and the cigarette burn scars on his arms, must have been signs of Mickey realizing the rude awakening that was inevitably going to come if he wanted to be who he was. Sandy couldn’t even imagine— no one really gave a shit who she fucked, and her cousins didn’t know anything about her sex life—but she couldn’t fathom being Terry’s son, the pride and joy of the Milkovich clan, and needing to outwardly admit those deeper parts of herself.

“Yup, I’m free to join civilization as of this morning. Overcrowding or some shit.” Sandy could hear Mickey also taking a drag of a cigarette on the other end of the line. She smirked to herself. Guess we both didn’t break the Milkovich nicotine addiction.

“So, uh, listen,” Mickey continued, and Sandy immediately knew he was in deep shit if she was the one he was calling to ask for a favor. “I’m in a bit of a… situation. Don’t wanna go into too many specifics, but there might be a massive fucking Mexican cartel after me right now.”

Sandy barked out a laugh before she could help herself. Fucking Mickey. “Oh yeah? Sounds like you’re feeling thrilled to be a free man again.”

Mickey chuckled again. “Fuck you. But hey, d’you think you can bring my shit by to me, so I don’t have to stop by the house and get fucking killed? You don’t gotta rush or whatever, just didn’t wanna show my face quite yet.”

Sandy could feel all the unsaid things wrapped in the way Mickey’s sentence ended. Didn’t want to show his face quite yet because of this cartel bullshit, or because of Terry? She decided it didn’t really matter— Mickey was a good guy, she could spend an hour or so rounding up his shit and bringing it to him if that’s what he needed.

“Got it.” She blew out more smoke, watching it curl and drift over the wasteland of the front yard on a gust of summer air.

Mickey cleared his throat, like he was gearing up to say more. When he spoke, his voice was softer around the edges, more genuine than before.

“I’m, uh. I’m sure you heard everything about me while I was gone. About Terry flipping his shit. Probably not the best idea for me to come around the house quite yet—my brothers n’ I haven’t really talked much since then either.” He paused, inhaling another drag of his cigarette. “I figured you’d get it. And hey, if you can bring the stuff by, I’d love to hear all the badass shit you’ve been up to the past few years.”

Sandy nearly winced—yeah, if by “badass shit” you mean getting forcibly married to a douchebag and then couch surfing for months— but she tried to keep her shit together for Mickey’s sake. She stubbed out her cigarette on the railing of the porch, straightening from where she was leaning.

“I’ve got it Mickey, don’t worry about it. Where are you right now, anyways?”

She could hear the hint of relief bleeding into Mickey’s voice when he replied. “I’m at the Gallagher house? The grey one by the tracks.”

Sandy rolled her eyes. “I was in jail for a couple of years Mickey, not braindead. I know where the Gallagher house is.”

Mickey huffed out a breath, but there wasn’t any sharpness in it. “Excuse me for tryin’ to be helpful, smartass.”

“Why the fuck are you there, anyways?”

“I’m, uh, crashing with my partner for now. Ian?”

Holy shit, Mickey was still fucking Ian Gallagher? Sandy had pieced together that Ian was the reason Mickey came out months after getting married to some Russian bitch, and according to Iggy the whole reason Mickey went to jail in the first place was some love-crazed revenge plot on Ian’s behalf— but since getting locked up Mickey hadn’t kept in touch with anyone, other than a shady-as-fuck message to his brothers after he’d busted out of prison letting everyone know that he was in Mexico, despite getting thrown back into jail in Chicago a couple months later. Sandy didn’t really know the details, and she especially didn’t know anything about Mickey’s love life— but it was wild as fuck that someone as unsettled and ruthless and batshit crazy as Mickey could’ve been with the same person all this time, especially someone as seemingly bland as Ian Gallagher. Huh. Wonder if I’ll get to see Ian.

“Got it. I’ll round up your shit and bring it by the Gallagher house later today. And don’t worry, I won’t let anyone know you called til you’re ready.”

Mickey exhaled on the other end of the line. “There shouldn’t be much, just check the drawers or whatever. “

Sandy knew for a fact that most of Mickey’s lingering possessions had probably been taken, sold, or thrown out by a zealously homophobic Terry by now, but she wasn’t going to say as much to Mickey over the phone.

“I’m on it. See you in a couple hours.”

“Hey, Sandy?” Mickey blew out a long breath, and this time Sandy couldn’t tell if it was because he was still smoking or because he was riding a wave of relief, releasing the floodgates of anxiousness he’d been holding in the whole conversation. “Thanks. I fuckin’ owe you one.”

Sandy smirked. Maybe Mickey being let out of jail early was a good thing, despite how fucked his whole situation seemed— maybe, for once, someone in her family would be fun to be around, wouldn’t set her teeth on edge every two seconds by making a racist comment or forcing her to be something she wasn’t.

“I’ll text you when I’m almost at your love nest.”

She imagined Mickey’s grin as he replied. “Fuck you. See ya soon.”

After scraping through every rickety dresser drawer in Terry’s house for nearly an hour, Sandy could barely come up with anything that was reportedly Mickey’s: a couple of tattered shirts, an impressively overused-looking bong, and a single sneaker she’d left behind because she couldn’t find the other one. She threw it all in some shitty burlap rucksack she’d found on one of the bedroom floors, assuming no one would miss it— it dawned on her that maybe her cousins were lying, and some of the other stuff in the house was still Mickey’s, but she’d collected what she could based on the whispered directions Alek and Iggy had given her when Terry was out of the room.

Sandy unlocked her phone, and typed a quick message to Mickey. “Out front.”

Mickey’s reply came quickly, and Sandy noticed the front curtains rustling on the top floor of the Gallagher house.

“Coming down”

The front door creaked open, and Mickey walked out onto the front porch. He looked good; he looked cleaner, sure, but also like a fucking adult—like he’d grown into himself, like he actually carried himself with confidence instead of just pretending to. He nodded his chin up at Sandy in acknowledgement.

“Long time no see.” He smirked, leaning on the banister. “You make a good delivery service. All those hauls we did with Terry must’ve been good training.”

Sandy lazily walked up the front steps, reaching the bag out in front of her for Mickey to take. “Here’s all the shit I could find. It’s not much.”

Mickey jerked his head to the open door behind him. “You wanna come in for a sec?”

Sandy grinned. Why the fuck not. “Sure."

So that was how she found herself perched on what was presumably Ian Gallagher’s bed, watching Mickey ruffle through the burlap bag, his brows furrowed as he realized just how much of his shit was actually gone.

“This everything?”

“As much as I could find.”

They comfortably chatted back and forth about how everyone was— Sandy decided to divulge the fact that Mickey’s brothers were idiots who tried to crawl in bed with her every night, which is something that she had to joke about so she didn’t go fucking insane sleeping under the same roof as them.

“Fuck ‘em, chop their nuts off next time they try it.”

Sandy smirked. Finally, a decent fucking relative. She made some hollow joke about staying with Mickey, alluding to the extra-shitty night decades ago when their cousins had forced them to make out when they were way too high on something.

“Or I could stay here with you. Have fun like we did when we were kids.”

“You know that’s fucked up, right? We’re fucking cousins!”

“Plus he’s taken.” A voice came from around the corner.

Ian Gallagher looked bigger, taller, and more solid than Sandy remembered; he was definitely miles away from the scrawny kid with the bangs who worked at the Kash N Grab that Sandy and her cousins endlessly used to fuck with in middle school. Ian’s shoulders were wide, his body imposing in the tiny room; immediately, Mickey’s aggravated stance softened when Ian walked in, wrapped in a towel from the waist down.

“Oh right, you.” Sandy grinned as Ian hunched over the bed and grabbed his deodorant from the nightstand.

Mickey had turned back to the bag of clothes. “Hey, I had shampoo and shit, is there soap anywhere?”

Sandy rolled her eyes. “You’ve been gone for years, you think your brothers would save that shit for you?” she bit out— and okay, maybe she was a little pissed at Mickey’s brothers for the constant-sexual-assault thing.

Ian just applied his deodorant and leaned in close to Mickey as he passed by the bed towards the doorframe. “You can use mine. We’ll hit Costco later, I’m getting paid.”

It was stupid, but Sandy felt something soft pang in her chest at Ian’s words; it was just now that she was realizing it, but she didn’t think she’d ever seen someone take care of Mickey before, or so… automatically factor Mickey’s needs into a situation. Being a Milkovich was all about scrounging and scraping, and guarding what little you had; a Milkovich would never let someone use their fucking soap just because they cared about them, or not as an immediate reaction anyways.

“Nah, I can’t, man. PO texted me when you were in the shower, he’s got a job for me.”

Ian kept looking at Mickey from where he was leaning in the doorway. “Then give me a list of shit you need, and I’ll pick it up for you,” Ian said in an overly simple tone, like he was mocking the fact that Mickey didn’t realize Ian would run an errand for him.

Sandy smirked. Jesus, Gallagher is whipped.

“Isn’t that cute, little domestic bitches,” Sandy crooned before she could help herself.

Ian stepped into the room again and leaned in towards Mickey, pressing a kiss to Mickey’s cheek while Mickey aggressively tried to uncrumple one of the pile of shirts from the bag.

“Mm, thank you,” Ian said in reply, his voice muffling as he smushed his face closer to Mickey’s.

Mickey instantly smiled smugly as Ian’s lips pressed against his cheek—then he noticed Sandy was staring, so he flipped her off and smiled even wider. What the fuck? Sure, Mickey had flipped Sandy off, but he was practically fucking beaming in a way that Sandy had never seen. God, wonder if I’ll find this shit someday.

Ian detached himself from Mickey and walked out of the room, Mickey’s eyes lingering on his torso. Once Ian had turned the corner Mickey snapped back to attention, fixing his eyes back onto the small mountain of clothes spread on the bed in front of him. Mickey lifted the bong off the bedsheets, and met Sandy’s gaze.

“You have to go, or d’you wanna hang for a bit? I don’t have to be at work for a couple hours, and it’s gonna suck enough that I should probably be high before I get there.”

Sandy grinned. “Hell yeah, I’m down.”

They sat on the rickety back steps of the Gallagher house, silently taking hits and passing the bong back and forth. It had been years since they’d been in the same space, but Sandy and Mickey easily sank into a comfortable silence, passively surrounded by the shrieks of kids playing across the alleyway and the bubbling of water as they inhaled. Mickey blew smoke out of his nose, then sat back so he was leaning against the banister and passed the glass pipe to Sandy.

“So,” Sandy started as she held the lighter to the bong and inhaled deeply. “Ian Gallagher.”

Mickey huffed out a laugh. “Yup. That’s some Romeo and Juliet shit for ya.”

Sandy smirked as she exhaled. “You really fucking love him, huh?”

Mickey eyebrows raised almost imperceptibly as he looked towards her. “Yeah. Guess I do.” He took the bong from Sandy’s outstretched hand. “Took me forever to get shit straight with him, though.”

Ah. So their road to domestic bliss wasn’t as straightforward as it seemed. Sandy’s curiosity was growing.

“Because of shit with Terry?”

Mickey stiffened, coughing a bit as he exhaled smoke, like Sandy’s question caught him off guard. “Shit. Yeah. That too. Let’s just say there were lots of fucking ups and downs, and we both had a lot of shit to unpack.”

Sandy snickered. “You sound like a fucking couples therapist.”

Mickey rolled his eyes. “If you wanna see couples therapy, I should tell you about the months me and Ian were sharing a fucking cell. We nearly ripped each other’s heads off. We literally stabbed someone so one of us might get sent to fucking solitary.”

Sandy’s laughter grew. “Are you fucking serious?”

Mickey grinned, and passed the bong back to Sandy again. “Fuck. Yeah. I fucking love him, though. He’s fucking crazy, and I still can’t let him go.” Mickey looked off into the distance across the alleyway, and either the weed was really hitting him right now, or he was being a very sappy motherfucker.

Sandy nudged Mickey’s knee. “You guys are cute together.” Mickey’s eyebrows raised when he heard the word “cute,” and Sandy quickly tried to rephrase. “Not cute, but y’know. Good for each other. You seem happy. Happy is... good.”

Mickey nodded pensively. “How’re you doing, anyways?”

Sandy shrugged noncommittally. “Eh. We can talk about me another time. How the fuck did you and Ian end up sharing a jail cell, anyways?”

Mickey let out a throaty laugh. “I heard Gallagher was getting locked up when I was down south, so I essentially pulled some strings and fucking snitched on the cartel I was working for. Hauled my ass back up here so we could be together.”

Holy fuck. Sandy’s jaw nearly dropped. “Mickey, you’re batshit crazy.” She shoved him squarely in the chest this time. “Are you fucking serious?! You evaded the feds, were living in Mexico, and you came back for Ian Gallagher?”

Mickey rolled his eyes again, placing the bong on the steps. “I can’t explain it, man. I just didn’t wanna be anywhere else, I guess.”

Sandy leaned back onto the banister. “Shit.” She paused for a moment, wondering if she should ask the next question. “Do you… want me to tell anyone you’re back?”

Mickey glanced over at her, his eyes alert. “Nah. Not yet. That okay with you?”

Sandy nodded. “Of course.” Mickey pulled out his phone, checking the time and presumably looking for a distraction from tiptoeing around talking about Terry— but Sandy had to tell him, had to let him know one more thing.

“Hey, Mickey?”

Mickey looked up. “Yeah?”

“I don’t really know the details of what went down with Terry, or whatever— but I just wanted to let you know that… if you ever wanna come home, I’m on your side. No questions asked. And I think a lot of the others are, too.”

The corner of Mickey’s mouth ticked upward. “Thanks.”

Sandy stood, checking her phone and zipping her leather jacket. “Well, I’d probably let you sober up a bit before your big parolee first day of work.”

Mickey raised a middle finger up to her from where he was seated, but then rose to stand.

“Thanks for comin’ by. And hey—you’re free to crash here anytime. There’s a million fucking kids running around all the time, but there’s always a couch or something open if everyone at home’s giving you too much shit.”

Sandy felt something warm growing in her chest. It had been a long fucking time since someone offered to take care of her, just because they could, just because they wanted to— maybe being a Milkovich wasn’t half bad. Maybe there were some good ones.

Sandy nodded in acknowledgement, and turned to walk down the creaky back steps. Wow. If Sandy was sure of one thing right now, it was that Mickey really, really fucking loved Ian Gallagher.

#also this goes without saying but i am not acknowledging the inc*st jokes as things that actually happened #bc that makes me!! wildly uncomfortable!!! lmao #but that being said hope y’all enjoyed this :)#gallavich #gallavich fanfiction #shameless #shameless fic #ian x mickey #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #sandy milkovich #gallavich fic

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linorangge · 3 years

Text

Jaebeom as Your Boyfriend ! <3

(pls keep in mind this is a head canon !) requested by @cuzsadd :)

how you met:

- you worked at a cafe and he came by one day with jinyoung

- jinyoung noticed you glancing at jaebeom a lot and he told beom

- beom was like “,,,,,, ok ???”

- nd jinyoung was like “go talk to her”

- beom stared at you for a hot minute while u were making their drinks

- he thought u were cute

- when he went to get ur drinks you asked him where he got his ear piercings from

- he told u the place nd talked abt his ear piercing journey and stuff

- you thought he was so cool

- he smiled a lot during the convo

- you guys had a whole ass convo abt piercings

- the convo was so long the ice in jinyoung’s coffee had melted nd when jaebeom finally gave it to him, jinyoung was pissed LMAO

- “I shouldn't have told u to talk to her”

- he was joking ofc

- “I got her number tho”

- “rlly?”

- “yea look”

- u guys texted every other day and eventually u guys were like “lol what if we ,,,,,,,, got piercings together ,,,,,, jk ,,,,,,, unless”

- spoiler alert

- you did get piercings together

- u guys met up at the piercing shop

- you got an industrial ear piercing

- he got another cartilage piercing

- and then he was like “haha imagine if I got a nose piercing”

- nd u were like “do it”

- he was like “DEADASS”

- he impulsively got his nose pierced

- you held his hand for moral support

- he wasn’t afraid of the nose piercing, he just wanted an excuse to hold ur hand

- and he told u this after u guys paid nd left

- “I wasn't scared I just wanted to hold ur hand”

- u thought he was joking

- “oh ur serious”

- “yes dude, you’re seriously the prettiest girl I've ever met”

- u were screaming internally

- “ask me out then”

- “ok”

- “oK???”

- “how does Saturday sound?”

- “sounds great”

- skip to Saturday

- he took u to this lil canal nd u guys watched the stars while u floated in a lil boat

- u guys just talked

- u talked about everything and anything u could

- u learned more abt each other and the other’s personalities

- u realized he was actually a pretty introverted and serious guy

- at least for now

- afterwards u guys got dinner

- he drove u home nd showed u some material he’d been working on

- u genuinely rlly liked it nd it only made him so much cooler to u

- u guys went on a few more dates

- one day u hung out together at the mall

- he just kissed you out of nowhere and started holding ur hand

- and then he called u babe nd u were like

- “wait a damn min”

- “uhhh why the sudden pet name”

- “ur my gf”

- “u never asked me out”

- “I didn't???”

- this then prompted him to formally ask u to be his girlfriend

- u were in the middle of the food court and u were like🧍‍♀️

- u said yes ofc

- and then u continued with ur day

jaebeom as your boyfriend:

- where do I start

- he was serious at the beginning

- and the more u guys hung out together and the more he went over to ur house the more u realized how weird and random he was LMAO

- he randomly just asks u weird questions

- like actual shower thoughts come at of his mouth when ur alone with him

- “what does the inside of a colon look like?”

- “,,,,, jaebeom its literally 3am pls”

- “hold on I'm gonna google it”

- also texts u shower thoughts

- and u entertain it bc thats ur boyfriend, nd he makes u THINK

- he also just randomly texts u shit like

- “just walked past this old man wearing boxers in public, with literally no pants”

- “wtf”

- “ikr”

- ANYWAYS

- not a lot of pet names

- mostly calls u by ur name

- when he does he’ll call u babe or beautiful

- not very into pda

- he’ll hold ur hand nd give u cheek kisses and thats it basically

- he’s pretty private abt his love life, especially with u

- he’ll occasionally post u on social media with simple captions

- u don't hang with the sevens a lot but when u do, jinyoung ALWAYS makes sure he says something along the lines of “I DID THAT” “I MADE YALL DATE”

- jinyoung is pretty proud of himself

- when ur alone he loves to cuddle

- loves to kiss u

- lots of mouth kisses??

- he gives u so many forehead kisses

- he LOVESSSS when u play with his hair

- sometimes you’ll be like working on business emails or sum shit and he just lays next to you nd he's like

- “give me braids”

- nd ur like “okay ig”

- u actually ended up teaching him how to do braids nd French braids

- sometimes he spends too much time at the studio nd he doesn't have time to hang with u

- he takes u to the studio with him when this happens nd u sit there and work on ur own stuff

- u bring him food and drinks when he needs it

- sometimes u have to be like “ok bruh u have to go outside or something”

- nd u guys walk around or go to the park

- nd then u let him go back to the studio and wish him the best

- you've gotten into the habit of taking care of him bc sometimes he’s just BAD at it when he gets too deep in his work

the first time I love you was said:

- he said it first

- he was sick as FUCK

- I mean like sick sick

- mans was throwing up, diarrhea, cough, fever

- he was on the brink

- nd ofc u being the caring girlfriend u are

- u took care of him

- u were making him chicken soup

- he was in bed, full fever, face up with a rag on his head

- u brought him the soup and set it on the bedside table

- “I want to shower”

- u were VERY stuck

- “ok then”

- and u helped him undress himself and helped him shower

- u were cautious and u washed his hair for him and he washed his body

- u helped him out of the shower and u helped put new clothes on him

- and u helped him back into bed nd fed him the soup

- nd halfway through he just stared at u

- “what?”

- “I love you”

- u were stuck AS HELL

- but he was groggy and he had the softest smile on his face

- nd u could tell that even tho he was literally decaying

- he meant it

- although he was sick u still took care of him and helped him with everything

- “I love you too”

- beom was sick as hell but god he never felt happier

- nd then he threw up ur soup as u held his hair back

- but he was forever grateful

- he knew that he never wanted to leave ur side

- u were the best thing that had ever happened to him

- in conclusion

- jaebeom SOFTEST BF EVER

- lmk if yall want one of these for another member or for skz

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allbrainrot · 4 years

Note

Oh hi! Can i ask for 💚 for felix with a female reader? Thank u! Those prompts were so cute btw!!

YES!! I’m glad you like them! Honestly this is the most realistic way I could imagine Felix confessing since he’d never outright admit it without a little prodding.. 🍄🖤

Felix:

- Felix would appear to be just as much of an asshole, but the other lions who know him well recognize that he is significantly less of an asshole to you. This is Felix code for ‘damn it I secretly love you’.

- In the academy days I could totally see Felix with unresolved feelings for a childhood crush on you, back from your little friend group in Faerghus. You don’t really remember anything out of the ordinary, but as the oldest kid I know Sylvain remembers everything that mini Felix did. Probably Ingrid too, she’s pretty perceptive, and I’m sure they eventually got Dimitri in on it.

- So flash forward to present day with all of you as members of Blue Lions, Felix has been trying just a little too hard to convince them that he definitely doesn’t have feelings for you. Faerghus squad has decided it’s been drawn out long enough, the truth has gotta come out before you end up married off to some other noble and it’s too late.

- Definitely says dramatic stuff like ‘you’re insufferable’ and ‘I have no idea how I’ve tolerated you for so long’ when he gets flustered to cover up what he really means, ‘damn it you’re adorable’ and ‘pining after you for a decade is getting frustrating’.

- Sylvain’s ability to evoke jealousy and Dimitri’s ability to elicit a protective response from Felix because ‘get the hell away from her boar’ are S rank weapons in the ‘confession war zone’.

- Step One: Get everyone to have an outing in town to “pick up something for Byleth.” Oh boy! Is that a pastry shop? Well Ingrid just has to force you all to go in! Everyone can sit at a booth with her while she eats~ Alright, time for Dimitri to sit right next to you! A success, he earns a mumbled ‘I don’t trust you for a second, boar’ and then Felix is wedging himself between the two of you. Oh man that’s a tight squeeze. Oh goddess you haven’t been this close to Felix since you were little. It is at this point, Felix realizes that he has been duped. And he is now focusing on suppressing his raging heartbeat while touching thighs and arms with the love of his life. Damn those scoundrels..

- Step Two: Lunchtime! Sylvain has engaged you in a ✨casual✨ game of hot or not, prompting you about your opinions on people at the monastery ‘innocently’ while we test just how hard Felix is capable of clenching his fists! Q: So, who’s the hottest house leader? A: Huh, I’ve never thought about that...I mean, Dimitri does have really pretty eyes! Felix is officially >:((((( and oh man when the boar stutters out a thank you Felix almost loses it..but he feigns cool and scoffs at the both of you.

- Q: Hmm ok..then what about everyone in our friend group? A: What? I mean, I think everyone looks pretty good?? Q: Welllll I don’t know man, Felix is hella scary, he has a permanent scowl! Stupid Sylvain!! Felix’s nails are full on digging into his palms now, how dare Sylvain talk shit about him with you?! Then you laugh..Goddess send help please your laugh is too adorable!! A: Quit being a jerk, Sylvain, Felix is totally attractive! OH MAN. Is it even possible for Felix to hide how red his face is? Can everyone hear how fast his heart is pounding? (Y/n) just called him attractive he feels like he’s going to explode!

- Step Three: Get everyone to cycle through sparring together and tell embarrassing stories about Felix. It’s a little evil but it’s a master plan..sparring is when Felix’s emotions show up the most. Everyone pray for my boy Dimitri who agreed to fight Felix while he’s worked up. You’re benched for this match, watching Felix because man he was impressive..when Sylvain and Ingrid engage you in an odd conversation about your childhood to pass the time. Including:

• Remember that time when we were little and Felix scraped his knee up super bad and came crying to you? He was sniffling so hard and he clutched onto you like a baby koala the whole time you patched it up!

• Oh, or the time that we went out by ourselves to go camping and when it got dark Felix was so scared! He kept crying and crying until you eventually let him share a sleeping bag with you!

• What about the time you sprained your ankle and Felix carried you the whole way home and told you he would be your knight in shining armor?

• There was also that time when you and Felix built a pillow fort and he told us that we weren’t allowed inside because it was ‘The Fort of Fraldarius’. And then we asked why you got to play inside the fort and he said that you were ‘Lady Fraldarius of the Fort’

- ALRIGHT THAT’S IT. Rip Dimitri, his sparring partner is in a frenzy of embarrassment masked by rage 💔 Shortly after hitting Dimitri with a sword over and over again Felix goes off to hole up in his room after being called out for his feelings. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little flustered, but it was ultimately overpowered by how funny it was to think back to little things like that and then look at present day Felix. You hadn’t thought about him like that in a while, he would always come to you and so you gave him space when he became more closed off.

- But you still mostly retained the ability to pick up on what the underlying meaning of your friend’s words and actions was. It seems he really hadn’t changed so much from the sensitive little boy who sought your attention..his adoration was still there, he just had no idea what to do with it. Truthfully, a part of you has always loved Felix and you had even wondered about the possibility you’d end up married to him, given the ties between your parents.

- The thought of Felix sulking behind you silently yearning for the rest of your academy days and then abruptly having to go into marriage with you was a mess. So, if you were certain Felix liked you despite his words, would it really be so daunting for you to make a move?

- Now you’re knocking on his door and hear a very muffled ‘go away’. The length of the chain bolt keeping the door shut allowed you to wedge it open just about an inch and you quietly peek inside and..Felix is on his bed, well, you can’t really see him because there is a heap of blankets piled over him. As if he’s building a protective barricade against your friends. Wait that’s exactly what he’s doing lol this is just the fuck off fort WAIT HOLY SHIT FORT-

- You whine at him to at least let you chill in his blanket fort because you didn’t do anything with the intention of teasing him. He groans at your childishness and informs you that this ‘fort’ is not yours to invade. Ok this could end up with a million different outbursts but the cards are all on the table-

- ‘But Felixxxxxx!! Even if I’m older I’m still Lady Fraldarius of the Fort 🥺🥺🥺’

- But he’s quick to quip back at you..damn so close!! ‘Well, (Y/n), given that you are 17 years old now I was inclined to believe that you realized that you actually have to marry a Fraldarius for that title. Perhaps I underestimated your idiocy.’ DAMN. He really went there. Ok, if that’s how it is, two can play that game..

- ‘Damn, alright. Well if that’s what it takes to get into the cozy Fort of Fraldarius, where do I sign up to check off the qualifications?’ >:3

- OH BOY UMMM FELIX IS COMING OVER HERE REALLY FAST- Be prepared to be picked up and be thrown into the fort with Felix.. It’s actually quite impressive how many different ways Felix can find to call you an idiot..while still attached to you. Felix, too, has known that there’s a probability you would become eloped by your families, and brings that up now because ‘Whatever. I suppose if I must marry an idiot, it would minimize the negatives if it was an idiot that I’ve already had to tolerate for so long. But if I have to endure such for my family line, I guess I should build up as much of a tolerance for you as possible before then.’

- So basically, the heavily encrypted message you received was ‘Yes, I’ve always thought about marrying you. But, now you have to be my girlfriend and give me as much of your attention and affection as possible’ He gets a little better about covering things up and has at least admitted that he loves you and you’re official, along with that it makes him happy when you hold him like you did when you were kids. He’s gone a wholeass decade now without ever seeking out anyone else, just remembering your childhood affections, so once you’re alone and he’s gotten used to things enough he’ll be pretty touch starved. Now, he just sits and waits, glaring at you until you deliver your routine cuddles that he would never admit to wanting out loud..

WHEW OK I DID IT AGAIN AND WROTE A RIDICULOUSLY LONG HC ON ACCIDENT 🥺🍄 Followers pls let me know if you like the long ones I write or if you’d like me to start making them short! Also lmk if you want me to censor any cussing it’s just a regular part of my vocabulary so I always end up writing some! Tyty for all the support I really really appreciate it 🥰✨ Oh! also! this is a side blog so unfortunately I can’t really reply to comments without it getting confusing, but I read everything and appreciate comments so so so much!

#fire emblem three houses x reader #fire emblem three houses #fe3h x reader #fe3h #fe3h blue lions #fe3h imagines #three houses reader insert #three houses oneshots #three houses fanfic #three houses x reader #felix hugo fraldarius #felix hugo fraldarius x reader #fe3h felix #fe3h felix x reader #felix x reader #fire emblem felix #fire emblem felix x reader

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kuinliekkienroihu · 3 years

Note

I (crysuzumushi, haha) am working on answering your ask game prompts, you picked two of my very favorites, thank you! I'm gonna ask you to do Kaname too! And Byakuya.

Okay, thanks for the ask!! Sorry it took so long to answer, i wrote a novel. Also sorry for all the spelling and grammar mistakes, English isn’t my first language

Kaname:

1. Favorite thing about them

How he always seeks to act according to his sense of justice. Also he's one of the best written characters in the entire series. He's very complex, which makes him feel kinda like an actual person with understandable actions caused by his past. There are a lot more things, but i'm not good at putting things to words so yeah.

2. Least favorite thing about them

How underutilized he was as a character. I'm really glad there's more of him in cfyow, even though i've only read the first part

3. Favorite line

" I follow the path least soaked in blood. The path I walk is justice."

4. BrOTP

I have many, mostly Shuhei, Aizen, Gin and Sajin

5. OTP

6. NOTP

hmm, i don't like him and Aizen romantically at all, same goes for Sajin

7. Random headcanon

He has a plant garden in Las Noches in which he grows, among many other things, the ingredients for Aizen's tea, which is Kaname's secret special mix of herbs. Aizen really misses the tea Kaname made for him.

8. Unpopular opinion

He did nothing wrong, or rather, all he did was (more or less) justified

9. Song i associate with them

10. Favorite picture of them

This is my favorite too

Byakuya:

1. Favorite thing about them

Yes. I love every single thing about him. Even the things others would consider as flaws are perfect. I really like how calm and collected he is regardless of the situation, he's intelligent and calculating.

A very well written character with, in my opinion, the best character development. Especially his relationship with Rukia from ignoring her out of pain (since she looks almost identical to Hisana), protecting her to keep a promise, letting her be executed to keep another promise to genuinely caring about her and saving her life in many occasions, clearly regretting what he did to her and trying to compensate for his actions.

Kubo wrote his development extremely well, in the end of the series he's objectively a better person than in the beginning, but his personality didn't change much. He's still the same overly serious, stuck up asshole we know and I love him for it.

Another thing I love the most about him is the fact that he's another walking contradiction. But somehow, these contradictions make a paradox or a perfect harmony without cancelling each other. Kubo did an amazing job making him have many layers in his character. There's this line from a book (had to look it up, the book is called "the chrysanthemum and the sword") that the author used to describe Japanese people, I think I read that in someone's ig story and it got stuck in my head since it reminded me of Byakuya so much, and in my honest opinion, describes him rather thoroughly, especially second, third and fourth ones. His zanpakuto, which is one of the infinite reasons I love him, being fully portrayed by the second one "both militaristic and aesthetic" being combined into the beautiful but deadly weapon Senbonzakura is.

"both aggressive and unaggressive, both militaristic and aesthetic, both insolent and polite, rigid and adaptable, submissive and resentful of being pushed around, loyal and treacherous, brave and timid, conservative and hospitable to new ways"

When you think about it, he has the most fitting zanpakuto for his personality compared to the other shinigami and the way he uses it is one of the tiny details which make him, him.

His spot as a captain and the head of the Kuchiki clan is in my opinion fully earned (rest of the nobles (except Yoruichi) can go fuck themselves) (sorry Tara, ignore this please lol). He is hardworking and precise, almost workaholic, has trained hard from a very young age and puts duty above everything. But he still has a hidden "work mode: off" -side which we see occasionally as cracking a dry joke or the wakame taishi fuckery in general. Latter being, in my honest thoughts, hilarious and adorable.

There is a lot more but i literally can't list everything. This is already a hell of an essay.

2. Least favorite thing about them.

My answer is probably as you can expect: none.

There is one thing i don't really like, but it's about the writing.

!!TYBW SPOILERS!!

In the beginning of the arc i think that immediately releasing bankai, especially when he knew it was gonna be sealed, was out of character and i would have been very upset if he stayed dead, since the action which resulted in that was not something he would do.

3. Favorite line

“If it’s for the sake of my pride there’s nothing I won’t destroy.”

I know it’s from a filler but this line just sums his whole character, personality and motivations up so well.

4. BrOTP

I have so many, i want him to have friends lol. But to point out the most significant ones i'd say Rukia, Renji, Kenpachi, Toshiro and Ichigo

5. OTP

The only one i really ship him with is Nanao. Hisana is kind of “it’s canon and i’m fine with it.” I haven’t seen enough of her to form an opinion about the ship, but it’s obvious how much Bya loved her and it’s so sweet.

6. NOTP

Okay, i have never mentioned this before since i know many of my followers/mutuals ship them. Renji. The only ship I. Can't. Stand.

Like, platonically? Yes, they're bros. But romantically or especially sexually? No. Fuck no.

I don't care if you ship them, good for you, but please tag the stuff so it gets filtered.

7. Random headcanon

He sleeptalks a lot. And it's not mumbling, he talks the same way as when he's awake but it's absolute nonsense.

Byakuya, asleep: Do not eat the drawer.

Hisana, awake: *watches him in utter confusion*

Byakuya, still asleep: Give him a pink tricycle.

Hisana: To whom?

Byakuya: Head captain Yamamoto

Hisana: *trying not to laugh*

Another hc that i have is that he is a closet metalhead and likes especially power- and symphonic metal (this might sound very weird if you know nothing about this kind of music lol)

8. Unpopular opinion

His actions in the soul society arc were understandable. He was put between the bark and the tree (i hope you get what i mean) and had to choose from just letting things happen and going against central 46 and all of soul society (or at least that’s what he thought). Also the line he said to Ukitake, which is still easily in top5 most asshole things he has said/done, in my opinion shows what he thought of Rukia’s execution and why he didn’t do anything to prevent it. “Once you’ve let one of your people die.. ...two or three more make no difference.” Both of his parents are dead, Hisana is dead, Ginrei is most likely dead and he thought for 100 years that Yoruichi was dead too. I think Byakuya thought losing one more person he cares about couldn’t hurt more than it already has and therefore didn’t think it was worth breaking the promise he made in his parents’ grave and trying to save her. And that fucking breaks my heart.

9. Song I associate with them

I have a 6h long playlist which I’m not gonna post. Can’t choose just one lol.

10. Favorite picture of them

*digs through nearly infinite pinterest board, tumblr and phone’s gallery*

This is (one of) my favorite manga panel(s) of him. I love how calm but powerful he looks. The lines representing the heavy spiritual pressure. Like an inescapable doom approaching (which indeed was the case). And for some reason i love it.

My favorite fanart, which i obviously can’t post since you can’t post others art so here’s the link: https://www.deviantart.com/keelerleah/art/Bleach-Byakuya-Looking-Back-127254804

and then one which I think is official art or at least an edit of it, if I’m wrong please lmk

#long post #sorry this took 2 and half eternities to complete #bleach #kaname tosen #byakuya kuchiki #ask game

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jacepens · 3 years

Note

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:)

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm.

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love.

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

#ask game

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silverlightqueen · 4 years

Text

Filter - Part 2

‘There are so many sides to him, it’s hard to keep track.’

fratboy/jock!Jimin x cheerleader!reader - e2l, smut, a n g s t, comedy, fluff

Part of ficswithluv’s Bulletproof Bingo!

Rating: 18 (graphic sex and mature themes)

Word Count: 16.6k+ (she’s a monster omg I’m so sorry)

Warnings - bad language, humiliation (not during sex - he just embarrasses the hell out of her in public), alcohol, drug consumption, explicit discussion of sex, locker room sex, y/n being a brat again, jimin being a dick again (but worse,,,so much worse), dom!jimin, sub!y/n, teasing, oral sex (m and f receiving), fingering, tit fucking, tit slapping, Jimin’s monster cock makes a return, praise, explicit dirty talk, mild degradation, exhibitionism, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, standing sex, asphyxiation, y/n and jimin argue again (multiple times), Jimin is literally the worst human being on earth in this omg I’m sorry for making him terrible, somehow I ended up putting a comment on society and the patriarchy (?) at the end but we go with it, girl power! and if your kpop boy is in this, he’s trash (unless he’s Stray Kids Minho, the only male character in this that deserves rights)

a/n: unedited lol and this really didn’t go the way it was supposed to, but I don’t hate it so here ya go, enjoy! I think in this lockdown, I’ve really started to,,,,hate men and it shows in this fic so I’m sorry to any boys that might be reading this lmao. but anyway thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess for proofreading this, you’re the best hype girl ever, luv u xoxo (and I promise I’ll work on The Other Half for you and @brinnalaine ) lmk what you think of it, I legit thrive off praise lol x

Read Part 1 first !!!

also I got the banner off google so credit to whoever made it (it has no relevance to the story but it matches the colour scheme so we roll with it lmao)

silverlightqueen masterlist

‘Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you so much for coming. We really appreciate the turn-out, and we’re super excited to see your try-outs! Today is going to be quite simple; we’ll start by speaking to you one-by-one to see the range of movements that you can do. Not everyone on the squad has to be able to fly and tumble, so don’t be worried if you can’t do certain flips or jumps – we try to include people of all abilities as long as the raw talent is there, and you’ll be able to learn a lot if you make the squad. Once we’re aware of what you can do, we’ll group you into smaller groups and teach you a simple routine, a slightly different one for each group. We’ll watch you perform the routine as a group after some practice time, and then we’ll assess your Cheer ability one by one, just a couple flips and jumps and things like that. If you really would rather not do them by yourself, that’s okay. Just let one of the squad know, and we’ll pair you with someone else who feels the same. We understand that some of you may not feel confident enough to perform in front of everyone else by yourselves. And it’s okay if you don’t have much confidence, because that’s something we will work on and help you to improve if you make the squad. Does anybody have any questions?’

Dozens of hopeful faces smile back at me, not one hand rising to ask a question, and I smile back. I was nervous about my first time doing this, speaking in front of everyone as newly elected Cheer Captain, but having the rest of the squad behind me makes me feel better. ‘Okay, great. If you could get into four lines in front of each of the seats at the desk, we’ll get started!’ I say excitedly. Irene, Jisoo, Chen and Jihyo (the most responsible people on the squad) are sat behind the desk to write down what people are able to do, the others on the squad dotted around to help if anyone needs it, and all the people here to try-out head over to the desk. I take a moment to take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves, and I tilt my head back to feel the sun on my face. The weather’s lovely today, warm and sunny with a slight cool breeze, perfect for cheer try-outs, and the turf of the pitch is healthy and green, not yet ruined by the studs on the bottom of the players’ football boots (training doesn’t start ‘til next week).

‘y/n, relax, babe. Everything’s going well, you did a good job,’ Jennie says from behind me, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I nod. ‘Yeah, I know. It’s just… being Cheer Captain, it’s big boots to fill.’ ‘I know, but you’ve got all of us helping you out. You know we’re all here to support you. Stop stressing yourself out,’ she says, and I turn to smile at her. ‘Thank you, Jen.’ ‘Don’t thank me, because now I’ve got bad news,’ she says, looking reluctant to speak, and I side-eye her. ‘What?’ ‘We have spectators.’ ‘We always have spectators.’ ‘That’s not what I meant,’ she says, turning me to look over to the bleachers which are a few metres away. And when I spot a group of ASP boys sat there, watching us and waving when I look over, my heart nearly stops. ‘You’ve got to be fucking kidding,’ I mutter, putting my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun and see them properly. And of course he’s there. Of course he is.

I haven’t seen him since a week ago today, when I ran out of his room while he was fast asleep and did the most talked about ‘Walk of Shame’ at school in the past year. All week, everyone’s been talking about me and Jimin, and somehow the rumours have spiralled out of control. My friends have reported back that they’ve heard that Hoseok and Namjoon joined us when they walked in on us, that I left before Jimin could finish, that I cried and begged him to let me cum (which my friends have denied on my part despite it being kinda true) and that I left wearing no underwear and flashed everyone on my way out. And that’s not even the worst of the rumours. I’ve tried not to comment on it when people have asked me, and it seems Jimin’s stayed quiet too – I’m sure it would’ve been hot news if he’d said anything.

I woke up the next morning aching, my entire body sore and weak (I really have no idea how I managed to leave the frat house on my feet – it must have been the adrenaline). My neck, jaw and chest were covered in purpling marks, some of them in the shape of his rings, and my waist and ass were covered in dark painful bruises from his tight grip and the endless spanking (the marks and bruises are all still there, by the way, fading but there – I had to cake the makeup on top of them this morning to cover them in my skimpy cheer kit). It hurt to sit down for too long, but it hurt to walk too, so I spent all of Sunday lying down, Jennie nursing me back to health (as she calls it – in reality, she just microwaved some soup for me, and we binge-watched Netflix in bed together). My body isn’t used to intense sex like that because not many university boys are as good at sex as Jimin is. I hate to admit it, but I’ve been zoning out all week (during lectures and seminars, when I was with my friends, at the gym, whilst studying or watching TV, when I was trying to fall in sleep, whilst showering, etc.) thinking back to mind. And I hate it – I hate him. I used to think of him with irritation and borderline rage, but now… the thought of him turns me on. It’s infuriating. I haven’t even gone over to get my stuff – not even my favourite bra (it was sexy and comfy, lacy with no underwire) – for fear of falling back under his stupid spell and getting into his bed again.

When my eyes meet his, it’s like he knows that I’m wet, a small smirk playing at his glossy lips as he runs a vascular hand through his jet-black locks, silver rings glinting in the sunlight. He looks fucking gorgeous, in a pair of loose black slacks and a loose orange shirt, a simple but flattering outfit, with his silver earrings, rings and bracelets. And the irritation inside me pushes down the arousal, and I turn away angrily, hearing their laughter over my shoulder as my eyes meet Jennie’s. ‘I can go speak to them if you want?’ she offers weakly, and I sigh. ‘There’s nothing we can say; they’re allowed to be here. We’re just gonna have to ignore them,’ I say, and she nods, throwing an arm over my shoulders and leading me towards the table.

I oversee the proceedings, making sure everything’s going well, my mind still elsewhere, but after a few minutes, the noise they’re making is unbearable. They’re loud – laughter and shouting echoing around the pitch – and it’s starting to distract the squad, and the people here to try-out. ‘Should I go tell them to shut up?’ Jennie asks, and I nod, reluctant to go over myself. She walks over, hands on her hips, and I know she’s gonna give them hell. But then I start to doubt that when I see them laughing and joking with her, before she comes back over, my expectant gaze being met by her sheepish one. ‘Well?’ I ask, and she winces. ‘They said they don’t take orders from me – only from… the Cheer Captain,’ she says slowly, and I let out a noise of irritation. Jimin being an annoying, difficult, stupid dickhead, I can understand. The others? I thought they were my friends. But obviously they find this whole situation more amusing than anything. It’s not funny for me – I slept with the guy I’m supposed to hate the most! The guy that I do hate the most.

‘I really don’t want to go over there,’ I admit, and Jennie’s eyes soften with sympathy. ‘You don’t have to, y/n, don’t feel pressured. We can cope with their noise – it’s fine, babe,’ she says reassuringly, but I feel guilty. I remember how nervous I was at try-outs, and having a group of rowdy frat boys laughing and shouting every few seconds definitely wouldn’t have helped. It’s up to me as Captain to create a comfortable environment, and with them around, this isn’t comfortable at all. I sigh, shaking my head, before I say, ‘I’ll go.’ ‘Are you sure?’ she asks, and I nod, dread building up inside me. ‘Want me to come with?’ ‘No, you just stay and keep an eye on things.’

I begin walking over, eyes fixed on the ground, and I can literally feel their eyes on me, their anticipation practically palpable. Everyone sat around the pitch is whispering, watching, desperate to see Jimin and I interact after all the rumours of the last week, and I can feel it all, making my nerves build up with every step. When I’m a few feet away from the bleachers, I look up, my eyes instantly meeting his, and I stop, staring at them for a moment. He’s endlessly amused, the smirk on his lips unbearably irritating. ‘Hey, y/n,’ he says easily, a ripple of laughter running around the group, and I don’t reply, matching his light gaze with a hard stare of my own. ‘This isn’t funny, guys, and I would’ve thought you’d know better. How do you think they’re gonna feel when they’re doing their routines and you morons are laughing? None of you can do what they’re doing, not in a million years, so don’t you dare come and sit here to rub my personal life in my face without even thinking of how rude and disruptive you’re being. You should be ashamed,’ I say neutrally, not letting any emotion into my voice, because if I do, I’ll lose my temper completely like I did last week and end up screaming at them. The other boys have the courtesy to look embarrassed of themselves, but Jimin just continues to smirk at me, running his thumb over his plump lips. My insides churn with anger at him being such a dick, but I don’t say a thing, waiting for one of them to reply. ‘Sorry, y/n. We didn’t think,’ Jin says, apologetic, and the others mutter apologies too, all except Jimin. ‘Don’t apologise. Just shut up,’ I reply before turning on my heel, walking away and ignoring the indiscernible whispers and stifled laughter.

‘Whatever you said, it definitely worked,’ Jennie says, and I nod curtly, still pissed off. ‘You okay?’ she asks, and my shoulders slump. ‘No. I’m supposed to be the Captain, I’m supposed to be nice and smiley and kind, and now I’m just angry, because of them, because of him,’ I sigh tiredly, and Jen looks at me sadly before putting an arm around my shoulders. ‘Don’t let them get you worked up, babe – today’s important, okay? Just focus on the try-outs,’ Jennie says, and I nod, trying my best to let my annoyance go, but it’s easier said than done. I wait impatiently for the first part of today to be done, desperate to have something to do so I can distract myself. And as soon as the last person has finished speaking to Jisoo, I call for everyone’s attention, telling them to start warming up. I sit down with Irene, Jisoo, Jihyo and Chen, and we quickly put people in similar-ability groups, based on the notes that the four of them have made whilst speaking to them; potential flyers, bases and spotters, and tumblers. The routines aren’t too different – just to test their dancing ability, and to see if they have the kind of body control needed for their different positions.

Once we’ve grouped them, Irene reads out the groups, the flyers with Lisa and Seulgi, bases and spotters with Kai, and tumblers with Momo, the rest of the squad supporting. I take a seat at the desk, making notes on people who catch my eye (they’re all wearing little name stickers, so I send Jennie over to find out their names). Jiwon, the pretty sophomore from last week, is really good – her dancing is great, and she’s light on her feet, the perfect flyer. I’m already certain she’ll make the team, because she’s super smiley and energetic too (I wave at her when I catch her eye, and she waves back excitedly, huge smile on her face). Watching them all learning the dances, making notes, evaluating them, it gets me in the zone. Focusing on this, I’m in my Captain mindset, having completely forgotten about the stupid disruption earlier. There’s definitely some potential here, and I have no doubt we’ll do really well at Nationals this year – I’ll be pissed if we don’t come first (and I’ll also be the first Captain in ten years that doesn’t lead us to victory, which is a pretty big deal).

Once they’ve learnt their dances, we split each group in half so there are less people to focus on, and they perform the dances to us. They’re all quite good – there’s a couple people who, bless them, will definitely not make the team, and I feel bad, but I have to be ruthless. It’s my job to make sure I give us the best chance at winning. We give them a little break after they’ve performed, and we all sit together to compare notes. We’ve pretty much all put the same people down, but we can’t make any final decisions until we watch them do their Cheer moves. ‘Okay, is everybody ready?’ I ask after getting their attention. ‘We’re going to have a look at your moves now. So they’re pretty basic, nothing too strenuous. Can someone show them what they’ve got to do?’ I say, turning to face the squad, and before anyone can speak, Kai says, ‘y/n, you should. You’re the captain after all.’ I return his mischievous grin with a hard stare, but the others all give various agreements, pushing me to show them. ‘I haven’t even warmed up,’ I mutter, everyone laughing.

‘Okay, we’ll start with a basic standing split. So, you just lift your leg, whichever your better leg is, and bring it right up like this, with your arm in front of it, and hold it there for a few seconds,’ I say, my left leg up against my body, my right arm holding my foot above my head. It’s a little painful because I haven’t warmed up, but I’ve done this move enough times that it’s pretty easy. I hear applause a little distance away, knowing it’s those stupid boys, and then everyone trying out starts clapping too, making me drop my leg and laugh embarrassedly. ‘Okay, thanks, guys, you can stop now,’ I say lightly, and everyone starts laughing. I show them all of the other moves – a full split, a pike jump, a toe touch jump, a hurdler jump, a front flip, a back flip and an aerial, getting applause for each movement, triggered by our idiot spectators. ‘So we’ll call you up one-by-one, unless you’ve asked us to go with someone else, and we’d like you to a show us a clasp, a high V, a T motion, and then go into the moves that you’re confident with. Show us your personality – we want bright and bubbly people on the squad, so don’t be afraid to chant or whatever, if you want to,’ I say as I take my seat behind the desk, Irene, Chen, Jihyo, Jisoo and Jennie sat with me, the rest of the squad sat around on the grass, enjoying the warmth and just watching the proceedings.

After a couple of people, it starts to get repetitive, but I remain focused, knowing I need to pay attention to differentiate between the good and the great. Jiwon is fantastic – she’s making the team without a doubt. Once they’re all done (nearly two hours later), I call them all over to sit beside the desk. ‘Thank you all so much for coming, and well done. What you did takes a lot of courage and you should all be so proud of yourselves, whether you make the squad or not. We’ve got your details from earlier, so we’ll be in contact within the next couple days to let you know if you made it. Thank you, and you are free to go,’ I smile, all of them letting out expressions of gratitude as they get up, heading to the bleachers to get their stuff and go. ‘Jiwon!’ I call, the girl turning to look. ‘Can I have a word?’ I say, the girl telling her friends to wait for her as she walks towards me. I head over to her, and we meet in the middle of the pitch, with no-one around. I don’t want anyone to hear and accuse me of favouritism.

‘Hey, y/n.’ ‘Hi, Jiwon. You did a really good job, definitely shone through. You’re fantastic,’ I say, and she smiles shyly. ‘Thank you. I have been cheering for a long time, though, so I did have an advantage,’ she says humbly, and I wave it off. ‘Don’t give me excuses – just accept the compliment. Anyway, I probably shouldn’t say this, but you caught a lot of our eyes, Jiwon. I’m pretty certain you’ll make the squad. First practice is next Saturday, 2 ‘til 4, and we’re just gonna do an introductory session, get to know one another and have a proper look at what everyone can do. Make sure you’re on time, and ready to try out some stunts. And work on your pike jump over the week – your fingers were literally millimetres away from your toes. A little practice, and you’ll have it perfect. And you were the teeniest bit wobbly in your standing split, so just work on your balance a little,’ I say, and she nods enthusiastically, taking in every word. Whilst I’m speaking, I notice Jimin approaching us, and Jiwon does too, looking flustered when she spots him. But she sees the way I ignore him completely, and does the same, just listening to me.

‘Thank you, y/n, I really appreciate it. Also, can I ask for your advice about something?’ she asks, and I nod, surprised she wants my advice. Jimin is now stood right beside us, but neither of us pay attention to his presence, keeping our eyes on each other. ‘What do you do to warm up for your splits? I warm up, but it’s always painful when I do them, and you did them really well, so I thought I’d ask.’ ‘I do a lot of yoga, actually, which really helps. We always get here around twenty minutes before practice, and the others do laps and things like that to warm up, but I do a bit of yoga, which helps loosen my body a lot. And then, just before I start a routine, I bend in half, and hold my head against my shins for like half a minute, to loosen my legs. It’s a little painful, but it gets your legs ready for the stretch that you feel when you’re in the splits,’ I say, and she listens eagerly to every word. His presence is starting to bother me, especially the way he’s completely silent, a stupid smirk on his face. ‘Thank you, y/n. I’m gonna head off now, but thanks for the advice. Are you going to KPN’s party tonight?’ she asks, and I sigh, thinking back to the text invite that Jackson from Kappa Phi Nu sent out a couple days ago. ‘I’m not sure. I was gonna just head to the gym for a late-night workout but Jennie’s trying to convince me to go,’ I explain, and she nods. ‘Well, I hope you do come. It’d be nice to see you there,’ she says, and I smile at her, touched. And then I lose my patience, turning to him with annoyance, and he grins, draping his arms around our waists.

‘My two favourite girls,’ he says with a grin, making me want to slap him, and we both push his arms off us in disgust, moving away from him slightly. ‘Look at you two. Best friends now, huh? If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even know each other, so I think a ‘thank you’ is in order,’ he says smugly, my eyes widening at him as Jiwon shoots him a dirty look. God, I love this girl. ‘Fuck you, Park,’ I say without thinking, and his eyes sparkle, mischief in his grin as he replies, ‘I already did, babe, keep up.’ And then he reaches into his back pocket, pulling his hand back out with something black and lacy hanging off his finger. My favourite bra. ‘Remember? You left this?’ ‘Park!’ I hiss, grabbing it from his hand and panicking for a moment, not sure where to put it (my cheer kit doesn’t have pockets) before I tuck it into his front pocket hastily. It’s too late, though, because everyone in the area who was watching saw it, laughter rippling around us. ‘I would’ve brought your pants too, but they were ripped, so I figured there was no point,’ he says, and I give him an angry stare, jaw hurting from how hard I’m clenching it. He just grins back, Jiwon looking between us for a few seconds before she says, ‘my friends are waiting for me, y/n, so I’m gonna go. I hope to see you later.’ ‘Okay, Jiwon. See you. Remember to work on your pike jump, and your standing splits. If you get here early, we can do some yoga together,’ I say, trying to push down the humiliation as the girl nods with a smile before she goes to join her friends who are watching us. Everyone’s watching us.

‘Your standing splits were good,’ he says, and I sigh, rolling my eyes. ‘I’m literally giving you a compliment!’ ‘I don’t care, you fucking dick.’ ‘Wow, never mind. I was gonna say that I could put your flexibility to good use, but forget it,’ he says, failing to hold back his grin, and I narrow my eyes at him. ‘Why the fuck did you come, Park? I thought I made it clear last week that I’m not interested in you,’ I say harshly, hurt momentarily appearing on his face before he masks it with a smirk, making me feel a little guilty. ‘We always come to watch try-outs. Entertainment for a couple hours. And it doesn’t hurt seeing you in this kit either,’ he says, taking the hem of my skirt into his hand, fingers momentarily skimming against my thigh, and I slap his hand away, feeling exposed in my kit all of a sudden. It’s quite revealing – a short blue skirt with a white border and a long-sleeved blue cropped top with shoulder cut-outs, with our school name written across the chest in white. It’s super cute though, even more so with the white pumps and frilly white ankle socks, and the blue and white bows on our ponytails. The boys wear the same colour scheme, blue and white t-shirts and shorts.

‘I swear to God, Park, I’m not in the mood for your bullshit today,’ I say tiredly, and he pouts, eyes still sparkling with amusement. ‘You were last week.’ ‘Things change. You can go now,’ I say pointedly, and he grins, taking a step closer to me, so close I can see every flaw on his face that he doesn’t have, and places a gentle hand on my waist. ‘I’ll go, but one last thing. I’ve gotta go drop my shit off in the changing rooms – Coach said we all have to, ready for next week – and I’ll wait in there for… hmm, shall I be nice? Okay, ten minutes. If I know you as well as I think I do, you’ve been thinking about me, and what happened last Saturday, all week long. I have. And I want a round two. I’ll wait for ten minutes,’ he says, voice low and face serious, before his whole demeanour changes, smile stretching his lips, hand falling from my waist as he takes a step back. My lips are parted and face warm, eyes locked with his, and my obviously affected appearance makes him let out a chuckle. ‘Ten minutes, angel. If not, I’ll see you tonight, at KPN, and you can get your bra from me there instead,’ he says with a smile, before turning and walking away, leaving me slightly stunned.

‘Close your mouth, babe, you’ll catch flies,’ Jennie says drily, and I turn to look at her, trying to compose myself. ‘He just asked me for a round two in the changing rooms,’ I whisper, and she gasps loudly, catching the attention of everyone around us. ‘Shut up!’ I hiss, and she claps a hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry, sorry. I’m just… shook. Are you gonna go?’ she asks, and I hesitate to answer, his dark eyes in my mind, my underwear embarrassingly damp. ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Bitch, stop kidding yourself – you want to, so just go,’ she says, but before I can reply, Kai joins us. ‘Um, y/n, there are a couple people waiting to ask you some questions,’ he says, and I sigh, looking over his shoulder to see some people hovering. I quickly rush over to them, listening to their questions (which are so unnecessary, might I add? Why do you need to know where to get the uniform from, or the date of Nationals this year, if you’re not even on the squad yet?) and answer them as quickly as I can, trying to be polite, but impatient, worried that my ten minutes will run out.

As soon as the last person’s done, Jennie grabs my arm and whispers, ‘it’s been nine minutes. I’ll pack stuff up, you just go.’ ‘Thank you, you’re the best,’ I whisper back. I rush off, speed walking across the pitch before someone can stop me, in the direction of the changing rooms. When I reach the door, I push it open slowly, listening out for any voices. And then I wonder – is this a prank? Is this payback for me leaving him last week? Are they all gonna be waiting there to jump out and laugh at me? But, no. He wouldn’t. Surely, he wouldn’t stoop that low? ‘Jimin?’ I whisper, hearing nothing back, and I venture in. ‘Jimin?’ I say a little louder, walking down the main aisle slowly, looking between the rows of lockers on either side of me. I call his name again, and when I reach the end of the lockers, stepping out into the open changing area, a wooden bench running around the walls, I feel a pair of hands push me up against the last locker, the metal clang echoing loudly around the room as I try to get my bearings, blinking to see Jimin stood in front of me, his body pressed up against mine.

‘You took eleven minutes, you fucking tease,’ he whispers, hand appearing at my throat and tightening instantly, my mind momentarily thinking back to last week, when he left bruises the shape of his rings around my neck. ‘Didn’t mean to. Got held up,’ I breathe out, and he pushes my head back at an unnatural angle, his dark eyes, blown wide with desire, locking with my own. ‘How can I believe you, after you left last week?’ he spits out, and I feel my stomach turn; I didn’t think he’d be that bothered, but it’s obvious he’s angry that I left him. ‘Never said I’d stay,’ I reply, with a small grin, and he growls angrily, pushing up against me even harder. ‘You’re the first girl that’s ever left without me telling her to. Trying to play me at my own game?’ he asks, amusement creeping into his voice, but he’s mainly angry, veins corded tight and body tense, fist curled and jaw clenched. ‘No. I just don’t like you,’ I reply, voice strained because of his hand tight at my neck, head beginning to go dizzy, and he lets out a humourless laugh.

‘Sure. Of course you don’t. Let’s see how much you don’t like me,’ he says, free hand pushing one of my legs out wider, so he has space to put his hand up my skirt. His finger slides beneath my tight safety shorts, and he lets out a laugh when he feels how wet my underwear is, making me look away from him in embarrassment. ‘Look at me,’ he demands, my eyes flitting back to his as he pushes my pants out of the way, swiping a finger along my dripping wet slit. I let out a shaky breath, and he chuckles. ‘I think you’re lying to me, angel. I think you actually do like me. A lot,’ he grins as he pulls his hand from my skirt, lifting his finger, glistening with my arousal, to my mouth. I keep my lips pressed shut, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Don’t make me punish you. This isn’t a repeat of last week – there’s other things I want to do to you,’ he says lowly, a thrill running through me, but I’m still as stubborn as last week. ‘I’m not here for a round two. I’m here for my bra,’ I exhale, and he rolls his eyes with a little laugh, his hand tightening at my neck. ‘You can earn it.’ ‘What is it… with you stealing my… things?’ ‘I didn’t steal anything. You left your bra when you did your little walk of shame. So it’s mine now – it’s been in my room for a week, with your tight jeans and your pretty top and those cute heels, and that little bag, with your keys and lip-gloss and pads in it. And because it’s all mine, I want you to earn it back,’ he replies before leaning down and pressing his lips to my ear, his beautiful scent flooding my senses.

‘Let me fuck your tits,’ he whispers, making my stomach clench with the thought of it, before he pulls back from me, searching my face for any kind of reaction. ‘And they say romance is dead,’ I whisper dryly, and he laughs, a startled laugh, as though he wasn’t expecting a joke from me. It makes my heart flutter a little, which then makes me want to slap myself. ‘Is that a yes?’ he asks with a mischievous grin. ‘No. It isn’t,’ I reply, and he sighs before letting go of me. ‘Fine. Let’s just talk then, if you don’t wanna fuck,’ he says neutrally, sitting down on the bench opposite me, and I’m disarmed at his sudden 180. ‘Sit down, y/n,’ he says, motioning to the bench and, for once, I listen to him, sitting down. He leans back against the wall and runs a hand through his hair, legs spread, thick thighs on display. Last week, the lighting from his bedroom lamp was low and sultry, but the lighting in here is bright and cold, and he still looks fucking gorgeous.

‘Who did you tell?’ he asks, and I know he’s asking what I’ve been wondering all week – who actually knows the full story. ‘Who did you tell?’ I ask, purposely being difficult, and he rolls his eyes, grin pulling at his lips. ‘Hobi and Tae are the only ones that know the full story. Jin, Yoongi, Joon and Kook know vaguely. Now tell me who you told,’ he says, and I’m surprised he’s kept it only to his closest friends – I thought for sure the whole frat would know. ‘y/n. Who did you tell?’ Nayeon, Lisa, Mina, Irene, Dahyun, Yeri, Jeongyeon, Seulgi, Sana, Jisoo, Chaeyoung, Joy, Momo, Wendy, Jihyo, Tzuyu and- ‘Jennie.’ ‘That’s it? Just Jennie?’ ‘And.. a couple of the other girls.’ He raises an eyebrow, obviously not believing me. ‘Did you tell them everything?’ ‘Only Jennie knows about me leaving when you… wanted me not to,’ I say, and he nods, looking a little embarrassed, and I feel so guilty, but I had to. ‘Why did you do it?’ he asks quietly, and I take a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. ‘Because… we’re supposed to hate each other, and we had sex, Jimin. I couldn’t share a bed with you after that, I just… couldn’t.’ ‘Would it really be so bad if we didn’t hate each other?’ he asks, and I sigh, not wanting him to ask these questions, not wanting him to entertain this possibility. Because Jimin’s the type of boy to want what he can’t have, and as soon as I let him have me, more than just physically, he won’t want me anymore.

I get up and walk over to him, his eyes on me, and when I’m stood right in front of him, in between his legs, I drop to my knees. ‘y/n,’ he says slowly, as though he wants me to wait, but I can’t talk about this right now. ‘Shut up,’ I say before pulling my top over my head and throwing it behind me, leaving me in my bra. He’s quickly distracted, eyes lost in my chest, and I can see the bulge in his jeans growing already. I lift a hand to his crotch, palming him over his jeans, and his head falls back, a little moan falling from his lips. ‘Please, y/n, don’t tease,’ he breathes out, and I clench involuntarily at getting him like this. ‘Take your jeans off,’ I whisper, and he quickly unbuttons and unzips them, holding himself up from the bench and pushing them down with his underwear, just enough to free his cock. He’s only half-hard, but he’s already big, girthy and long, making me lick my lips at the sight of him. He tugs on his length a couple times to get himself fully hard, letting out little grunts, and I feel more arousal dampen my underwear. After a few seconds, I push his hands away, taking his length into my hands, and he shuffles forwards on the bench, giving me proper access to his cock.

I collect my saliva up on my tongue and spit at his dick, the saliva landing on his tip and slowly dripping down his length. I use my hand to spread it out before I take his swollen head into my mouth, kitten licking the tip before swirling my tongue around him. He pulls my bow out of my hair and grabs my ponytail, but restrains himself from trying to control my movements, letting me take my time with him. I don’t wait long before I’m taking him as far into my mouth as possible, before slowly bobbing my head up and down his length. ‘God, angel, your mouth is so fucking good. So good for me, such a dirty girl,’ he praises, head back against the wall but eyes on me, and when I look up at him through my lashes, he grins down at me. I hollow out my cheeks, trying to get my lips around the base of his cock, but my jaw is already hurting from my mouth being around his thick length. ‘Get me all the way in, baby, I know you can,’ he prompts, and I try my hardest, gagging around him, and it’s so fucking messy, saliva around my mouth and dripping down my chin. He decided to help, pushing my head even further down, and when my nose hits his skin, his abdomen contracts, a heavenly moan of my name falling from his lips.

Once I deem his cock sufficiently wet, I remove him from my mouth and reach behind me to unclasp my sports bra, pulling it off, feeling satisfied when his eyes are locked on my breasts. ‘Stand up,’ I say, and he does so, quickly, moving aside to let me sit on the bench. I perch on the edge, knees together, and Jimin stands in front of me, one leg on either side of mine. ‘Push your tits together for me, angel,’ he says, and I do so, the boy moving even closer to me. I feel his head against the bottom of my breasts, wet and hard, before slowly pushing up, breath catching in his throat as he goes as far as he can, his pink tip emerging through my cleavage. ‘Fuck, that feels good. Hold them tighter, babe,’ he says, and it starts to hurt when I do so, but the pleasure on his face as he thrusts, fucking my tits aggressively, more than makes up for it. I spit down into the valley of my breasts, for better lubrication, and he lets out a moan, thrusting even harder. And then he lifts a hand, landing a slap on one of my breasts. ‘Um, ow,’ I say, and he lets out a little chuckle, his thrusting not faltering for a moment. ‘So soft. Best tits I’ve ever seen,’ he says, landing a slap on the other, and I stop myself from slapping his balls because I don’t want to kill his vibe. And he’d probably enjoy it, the kinky bastard. I look down to see precum leaking from his tip, and I lean down, meeting one of his thrusts with my tongue, licking his precum, and he lets out a moan. ‘God, yes, baby. So good for me,’ he grunts, before his thrusts start to slow, until he eventually moves away from me.

‘Love your tits, angel, but I wanna cum in you instead,’ he says, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from the bench. ‘Put your clothes back on,’ he says, my eyes widening in confusion. ‘What? Why?’ ‘Because I’ve always wanted to fuck you while you’re wearing your cheer kit. Hurry up and put it on before I decide to leave,’ he says pointedly, and I feel guilt surge through me as I grab my bra from the floor, pulling it back on, and turning around for him to clasp it for me. He does so, taking ages (it seems he’s better at taking bras off than putting them on), and then I pull my top back over my head. As soon as I’m redressed, he pushes me up against the nearest locker, winding me, before his hand strays down to beneath my skirt. ‘You gonna take these booty shorts off before I rip them off you?’ he says, plump lips against my neck, and I push him off, quickly pulling off my safety shorts (these are the only pair I have at the moment – I ordered a pair online and they’re due in a couple weeks – so I really don’t need him ripping them). ‘They’re safety shorts, not booty shorts,’ I mutter, as I kick them off, and he doesn’t waste any time in pushing me up against the lockers again. He presses his lips to mine in a tame kiss (he doesn’t even use his tongue), mouths moving together for a few seconds before he pulls away, sinking to his knees.

‘You’ve been on your knees for me twice now, baby, so I think it’s time I repaid the favour. And I believe I promised to eat your pussy with my… pretty lips,’ he says, quoting my words from last week, and my stomach turns as he grabs the front of my underwear. He violently pulls at them, tearing them away from my body, and I refrain from kneeing him in the face for ruining a second pair of pants. He pushes my legs apart before pulling one over his shoulder, his face inches from where I need him. ‘Jimin… please,’ I whine, and he chuckles, expelling warm air across my dripping wet core, making me shudder. ‘See, baby, you’re being so good for me today, saying my name, and begging like a good girl. And good girls don’t get punished, don’t get spanked until their ass is raw. Good girls get rewarded,’ he says before his head disappears beneath my skirt and I feel him lick a slow bold stripe across my slit, my hips jerking at the feeling, pushing my core closer to his face. He swirls his tongue around my clit, and I let out a whimper of his name, making him chuckle as he grabs onto my waist to hold me in place. ‘So fucking sweet, angel. Best pussy I’ve ever tasted. Could eat you all day.’ He laps at me like there’s no tomorrow, my hands gripping onto his strong shoulders and head thrown back against the lockers. He brings his fingers to my clit, rubbing slow circles, at the stimulation at my bundle of nerves paired with his long, quick licks have me moaning out his name, my stomach already tightening with the threat of an orgasm.

And then he pushes a finger between my folds, pumping in and out of me as I clench around him. ‘Gotta stretch you out for my fat cock, baby, take it like a good girl. Stop clenching, babe,’ he murmurs soothingly against my inner thigh, his thick finger quickly being joined by another. ‘Ah, Jimin, feels so fucking good,’ I moan out, and he hums in response before attaching his lips to my clit, sucking at the bundle of nerves before adding another finger, three thick digits stretching me out. ‘Such a good little slut for me, angel. You take my fingers so fucking well,’ he says, lips still against my clit, and I feel my high nearing quickly, moans and whimpers escaping from my lips every few seconds. He’s so good with his mouth, his plump lips wrapping around my clit and sucking harshly, before he licks along my folds, fingers still pumping into me, curling against my spongy spot every few seconds, bringing me closer and closer to the edge. And he knows it, the pace of his fingers ever increasing, his lips and tongue attacking my core with passion.

And then we hear the door of the changing room open, followed by a group of loud male voices, laughing and joking. Before I can even register it, Jimin’s on his feet, scooping me into his arms and practically sprinting into the shower area, rushing into one of the cubicles. He puts me down carefully, a hand over my mouth, and I feel my orgasm fading away because of the fear of being caught by his teammates. And in my mind, the logical thing to do is to be silent and wait for them to leave, right? But Jimin isn’t logical, and he pushes me up against the brick wall, pumping his cock in his free hand. He removes his hand from my mouth, tapping my left leg before tapping his shoulder, and I get the message, putting my leg up over his shoulder, despite thinking that this is a terrible idea. And then he puts his hand back over my mouth before slowly sliding into me, his huge cock stretching me out painfully, filling me up completely, and it takes every ounce of my self-control not to moan out his name, my head falling back against the wall with a dull thud. ‘What was that?’ I hear one of the boys say, the others asking what he’s talking about, and I feel panic fill me. But along with the panic is arousal at the idea of being caught, my pussy gushing around him, and he smirks, slowly thrusting into me, the curve of his dick allowing him to hit my g-spot (I’m certain Megan wrote Captain Hook about him).

I hear footsteps nearing us, before they stop abruptly. ‘Oh, my God,’ I hear a voice say quietly, before more footsteps can be heard. ‘What?’ ‘Look.’ ‘Whoa. Is that…?’ ‘Yes. One of the cheerleader’s bows.’ Panic strikes through me, and Jimin just grins, continuing to fuck me slowly, making me feel every inch of him. ‘And those are the shorts they wear, right?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘And are those… pants?’ ‘Yep. And they look ripped.’ ‘Is someone fucking in here?’ ‘No, we’d be able to hear them. They’re probably gone.’ ‘You think?’ ‘Yes. And I don’t wanna double check. Let’s just go.’ I feel my fear ebbing away as the footsteps get quieter before the door opens and closes. We’re both silent for a few moments, just to make sure they’re gone, before Jimin pulls all the way out of me, slamming back in. I let out a loud moan against his hand, which he moves to rest at the base of my throat, cock hammering into me ruthlessly. ‘Look how wet you are for me, baby. My little bitch likes the idea of getting caught with a fat cock inside her, huh? Does the idea of being walked in on turn you on, babe?’ he asks, and all I can do is nod, moans falling from my lips every few seconds as he slams into me, the drag of his cock against my walls making me weak.

‘Taking me so well, angel, letting me fill you up and stretch you out so good, baby,’ he praises, voice strained with effort, as he pounds into me, my mind completely blank of anything, of everything but him. I feel my orgasm nearing, my walls clenching around him, but that doesn’t stop him plunging into me, hard, his balls slapping up against my ass, one hand gripping onto his shoulder whilst the other is splayed against the cold wall. My leg is beginning to hurt being up against his shoulder, especially because all my body weight is resting on the toes of my other foot (I can’t get my whole foot on the floor), but he seems to be enjoying it, able to go deep into me at this angle, his tip hitting my cervix. ‘Look how flexible you are, baby, stretching for me like a good little whore. Gonna put your flexibility to good use all the time, babe – I’ll help keep you in shape for Cheer,’ he promises, fingers straying to my clit as he speaks. And then I feel him twitching inside me. ‘Are you close?’ I ask, and he nods, eyes fluttering shut, and I reach down to cup his balls, trying to push him over the edge. ‘Ah, fuck, feels good, y/n, your pussy’s so fucking good. Gonna cum, gonna fill you up like a good little slut,’ he breathes out, and I tighten around him, his head falling back as he lets out a loud moan of my name, hot cum shooting out of his cock, painting my walls. He continues thrusting, hips stuttering as he works himself through his orgasm, and I stay clenched around him to prolong his high.

Once he’s done, he pulls out, and puts me down carefully, taking a moment to get his breath back before tucking his softening cock into his underwear, zipping himself back up. He looks up at me with a grin, his hair messy, face still glistening with my arousal, eyes dark. ‘Good talk,’ he grins before turning and walking away. ‘Um, Jimin?’ I call after him, stepping out of the cubicle with shaky legs. ‘Yes, y/n?’ he asks, turning to look at me, eyes sparkling with mirth. ‘I didn’t…’ I trail off, unsure of what to say. ‘What? You didn’t cum?’ he asks, and I nod, my stomach twisting with hurt when he smirks and says, ‘I know, angel. Only good girls get to cum. And good girls don’t leave in the middle of the night after being asked to stay.’ My mouth drops open at the thought that he’s not going to make me cum, and he grins even wider, before taking a little pity on me. ‘I’ll tell you what, baby. Come to KPN tonight and come find me, and I’ll make you cum as many times as you want,’ he says, but I’m still furious. ‘You’re not being serious?’ ‘Deadly.’ ‘Jimin, please,’ I say, and he just grins back at me. ‘You might wanna clean yourself up. Got my cum dripping down your leg,’ he says, and I look down to see his thick white release slowly trailing down my skin. I curse under my breath, and when I look back up, Jimin’s already out of sight, whistling a merry tune, before I hear the changing room door open and close behind him. And when I slowly walk towards the lockers, I realise my bow, safety shorts and ripped pants are gone too. And he still hasn’t given me back my favourite bra.

I head over to the sinks to clean myself up, cursing at him the entire time. ‘Fucking bastard, and his stupidly big fat fucking cock, stealing all my stuff and leaving me high and dry with his fucking cum dripping down my fucking leg. Didn’t even give me any fucking aftercare, fucking dick,’ I rant angrily as I take my hair out of its messy ponytail, running my fingers through it. Luckily, I haven’t sweated off any of my makeup, the fading marks from last week fully covered, but it’s still clear I’ve just been fucked. And the fact that I don’t have anything on under my skirt isn’t helpful at all – thank God it isn’t windy today because otherwise, I’ll be flashing everyone. Once I’ve deemed myself okay to leave, I push open the changing room doors, looking side to side to make sure no one’s around before I slip out of the door, quickly making my way to mine and Jennie’s accommodation, trying to ignore how desperate I am for a release right now. And not just any release – one on Jimin’s cock. But that’ll have to wait for later – I’ve got a party to get ready for.

‘Jennie! y/n!’ Yeri exclaims when we walk into the kitchen through the back door, throwing her arms around us in a hug. ‘Hey, Yeri,’ we reply, hugging her back, and when she moves away, her eyes widen. ‘Jen, you look good, but y/n! You look good, girl!’ she exclaims. ‘Oh, thanks, Yeri,’ Jennie says sarcastically, but she doesn’t mean it – Jennie always opts for comfort over fashion at frat parties, usually wearing mom jeans, or a loose t-shirt dress (which she rocks by the way – no one pulls off the casual aesthetic like Jennie). And I never dress up too much, sticking to a simple outfit and dressing it up with heels and jewellery. But today, I decided to go all out, dressing to impress in a tight little black dress, hem around my upper thighs, ruched with a bardot neck (I had to forgo a bra, and used tit tape instead to make sure they don’t sag). I’m in a pair of black sparkly heels, much higher than last week’s, with a silver choker, silver hoops and a thin silver bracelet. Jennie has on a shoulder bag, big enough to fit my things in it, so I didn’t bother with a bag, my phone in my hand and my lipgloss, oil blotting sheets and keys in Jennie’s bag. ‘Thanks, Yeri. But look at you! This top is so cute!’

We greet all our friends, Jeongyeon pushing cups into mine and Jennie’s hands (I’m not sure what it is but it tastes nice), before I take a seat between Tzuyu and Lisa at the kitchen island, instantly getting into a conversation about Cheer. KPN parties are always really laidback – people wear whatever they want, drink whatever they want, and I never feel uncomfortable here, or pressured to act a certain way. I can just be myself, and enjoy the night with my friends. ASP’s the opposite in the sense that there’s always pressure – to look good, to end the night with someone, to give everyone something to gossip about.

‘y/n! You came!’ Jackson exclaims when he sees me, pulling me into an expensive smelling hug. ‘Hey, Jackson!’ ‘I was about to make a comment about how late you are, but you look really good, so I’ll let you off,’ he grins, and I roll my eyes. ‘Since when do you have to arrive to parties at a certain time?’ ‘You wouldn’t know, y/n, you’re always fashionably late,’ Tzuyu teases, and I cover my face with embarrassment – never have I arrived at a party before my friends (there’s just something about being there before the party has properly started that makes me want to cringe). ‘Anyway, what are you ladies drinking?’ ‘Diet Coke,’ Tzuyu says as she holds her cup up, Lisa drinking the same. ‘I’m drinking whatever the hell this is – Jeongyeon gave it to me,’ I say, and Jackson takes the cup, sipping from it, before his eyes widen. ‘Yo, this shit slaps. Where’s Jeongyeon? I want some,’ he says, turning away in search of her, and I call after him, ‘get me some more too, please!’

‘So… y/n,’ Lisa says with a knowing grin, making me raise an eyebrow at her. ‘Yes?’ I ask, she and Tzuyu exchanging an amused glance. ‘This dress is nice,’ Tzuyu says with the same knowing look as Lisa, and I look between them suspiciously. ‘Thanks,’ I say slowly, their smiles widening even more. ‘Who are you dressing to impress?’ Lisa asks, and I realise where this conversation is going, letting out a laugh. ‘Ah, you two. Can a girl not dress for herself?’ I grin, both of them raising their eyebrows. ‘Of course. But the timing’s a little suspicious. Not hoping for a round two, are we?’ Tzuyu asks, and I bite my lip embarrassedly. ‘What if we already had round two?’ I say quietly, both of their mouths falling open. ‘What?’ Lisa exclaims, drawing the attention of those around us, and I shut my eyes despairingly. ‘Keep your voice down, stupid!’ Tzuyu exclaims, Lisa murmuring an apology, still looking at me with wide eyes. ‘When?’ ‘Earlier, after practice. I met him in their changing rooms,’ I say, both of them looking even more shocked with each word. ‘Oh, my God! You two are, like, stuck in your own little forbidden and scandalous romance!’ Lisa whispers, and I shoot her a hard look. ‘It’s not a romance. He’s still, like, the most annoying and stupid person I’ve ever met. I mean, he literally left without making me cum, on purpose. He said if I showed up here tonight, he’d make it up to me,’ I whisper, both of them gasping quietly. ‘No way!’ Tzuyu says, and I nod. ‘So you’re gonna have a round three?’ Lisa asks, and I shrug. ‘I’m actually not sure. I don’t know whether I came so that I could leave with him, or so that I could piss him off by getting with someone else,’ I say, both of their eyes lighting up. ‘Get with someone else,’ they chorus, and I let out a gentle laugh.

Before I can reply, Jackson reappears with two cups in hand. ‘It’s Fireball Whisky with cream soda,’ he says, and I blink in surprise, not sure whether to be impressed or disgusted at Jeongyeon’s weird concoction. He takes the empty cup from my hand and hands me a new one, and I thank him as I take a sip. It really is good, and I know I need to be careful not to drink too much – I’ll forget just how strong whisky is and then find myself hunched over the toilet in a few hours, vomiting it all back up. ‘Are you guys gonna just sit here and chat all night? This is a party! We’re supposed to be having a good time,’ Jackson says, and I exchange a glance with the girls. ‘We are having a good time,’ Tzuyu replies mildly, and Jackson rolls his eyes. ‘So you’re not gonna come dance?’ he asks, and we all shake our heads. As much as I do love getting lit, it’s nice to just have a gossip with the girls sometimes. ‘Maybe later,’ I say, and he frowns, shaking his head. ‘You guys are boring.’ ‘Go find Joy, she’ll dance with you,’ Tzuyu suggests, and Lisa nods before adding, ‘and Dahyun. Come find us in a couple hours, and then we’ll dance with you too.’

Jackson quickly disappears, calling out for Joy and Dahyun, and the spot where he was stood is quickly occupied by a boy who I recognise as Chan, one of the boys on the team and a KPN brother. ‘Hi, Chan,’ Tzuyu says, the boy giving us a smile. ‘Hi, guys. You’re all cheerleaders, right?’ he asks, and we nod, confused as to where he’s going with this. ‘Do you wear these, like… little black shorts under your cheer outfits? Like super small, tight, black shorts?’ he asks, and I realise, dread flooding through me as we all nod. ‘They’re called safety shorts,’ Lisa says, and Chan nods. ‘I thought so. We saw a pair earlier, in the changing rooms, with one of the bows you guys wear, and some… underwear. Ripped. So I was just… curious, I guess,’ he says, Tzuyu and Lisa both turning their gazes to me. ‘Um… Chan, I’d be really grateful if you didn’t mention that to anyone,’ I say embarrassedly, the girls stifling laughs as Chan’s face falls with shock. ‘Oh! They were yours?’ he asks, and I nod, totally humiliated. ‘Who was, um, with you when you came in? There was just a couple of you, right?’ I ask, and he winces. ‘There were a few of us, actually. But it’s fine, I’ll tell them not to mention it to anyone. Your secret’s safe with us, y/n,’ he says with a grin, and I give him a weak smile. ‘Thanks, Chan.’ ‘No problem. Before I never mention it again, I just have one question,’ he says tentatively, and I close my eyes briefly, nodding as I brace myself. ‘Were you… in there when we went in?’ he asks, and I take a deep breath before nodding, his eyes widening. ‘In the shower cubicles, right?’ ‘Yep.’ ‘I thought I heard a banging noise,’ he says, and the girls burst out laughing. ‘No, no, it’s because I hit my head on the wall,’ I explain over their laughter, even more embarrassed now. ‘Sorry,’ Chan says, and I wave it off. ‘It’s fine, it’s my own fault for fucking in a public place,’ I say bluntly, and he lets out a gentle laugh.

The girls are still laughing when Chan leaves with the promise of never mentioning it again, and I shoot them dirty looks. ‘Are you gonna stop laughing any time soon or should I just go?’ I ask venomously, and their laughter gets even louder, making me roll my eyes. ‘Fine. I’m going,’ I say, pushing myself off my seat and leaving with my phone and drink in my hands, their laughter continuing behind me. I decide to venture into the living room, but regret my decision the second I walk in and lock eyes with Hyunjin – Chan’s whispering something to him, and he bites down on his lip when he sees me, obviously holding back a laugh at the irony of seeing me as Chan fills him in. I turn on my heel, instantly heading back into the kitchen and ignoring Hyunjin’s loud laughter behind me. But when my eyes meet Lisa’s and she bursts out laughing again, Tzuyu laughing too, I make a decision – I want to go home. I know none of them mean anything by it but it’s really… getting to me. I don’t like that nearly every conversation I’ve had in the last week has come back to Jimin – in fact, I hate it. I’m more than my sexual escapades, whether or not they’re with my worst enemy. I came here to have a good time with my friends tonight – not to speak about my sex life.

‘Mark,’ I say, catching the boy beside me offguard. ‘Oh, hey, y/n. You okay?’ he asks, and I nod. ‘I’m great. You?’ ‘I’m good, thanks. What’s up? You look… stressed.’ ‘I’m okay, I just… have you seen Jennie?’ I ask, and he nods, taking me by surprise. ‘I saw her go out the back door a couple minutes ago, with Seulgi and Nayeon,’ he says, and I grin at him. ‘Thank you, Mark, you’re the best!’ I exclaim, not giving him a second to reply before I quickly head towards the back door, ducking through the doorway before anyone else can speak to me. There’s a group of boys stood near the door, passing around a joint, and I quickly head past them, eyes skimming over the surroundings to see if the girls are here. I spot their three dark heads close together, looking at something on Seulgi’s phone, and I rush over. Nayeon spots me first, concern on her face as she watches me head towards them. ‘What’s the matter, y/n?’ she asks, the other two girls looking up at hearing my name. ‘I… I’m gonna leave,’ I say, all three of them looking at me in surprise – you usually have to drag me away from a party. ‘Why? You look hot, girl! You can’t waste this look!’ Seulgi exclaims, throwing an arm around my shoulders, and I give her a grateful smile. ‘Thanks, Seulgi, but I just… I’m fed up of being teased about Jimin. Maybe it’s God punishing me for sleeping with him, but for fuck’s sake, isn’t him being an idiot punishment enough? I don’t need everyone bringing it up every two fucking seconds,’ I complain, the three of them exchanging amused glances.

‘Oh, babe, it sucks, but you’ve gotta be thick skinned. You have to remember that you have publicly hated him for as long as we’ve all known you, pretty much. The fact that you’ve slept with him is, like, a big deal. It’s hot gossip. Of course people are gonna want to talk about it, and you are gonna get teased. You can’t let it get to you, or people will do it even more,’ Jennie says rationally, and I know she’s right, but I still don’t want to accept it, pouting. ‘I know, you’re right, but I’m already in a bad mood now, and I just wanna go home,’ I say, and I know I’m being immature, but I don’t care. I notice Nayeon’s eyes wander from me to over my shoulder and then she says, ‘well, someone’s coming over, and I don’t whether he’s going to make your mood better or worse.’ I sigh, wanting to cry, and I can feel Seulgi holding back a laugh. ‘Shall I tell him to fuck off?’ Jennie asks, and I shake my head – I don’t have the energy to fight with him today.

‘y/n,’ I hear his stupid voice say, before he appears beside me. He’s dressed in all black, tight ripped jeans and a black button-up shirt, the top two buttons undone and revealing tanned and freckled skin, with a leather jacket over the top of it. He’s wearing silver jewellery again, rings, earrings, bracelets and a necklace, and he looks really fucking handsome, like always. He looks me up and down, his eyes nearly falling out of his head at my appearance as he sweeps his black hair back with one hand, before he looks at my face, the shock being replaced with concern. ‘You okay?’ he asks, and him caring about me makes me want to run a mile – he’s supposed to hate me, not worry when I’m upset and annoyed. ‘I… don’t know,’ I say tiredly, not quite sure what to say, and he looks even more concerned at that. ‘Shall we… give you guys a minute?’ Jennie says, and I look at her in surprise. She just looks back at me with a sad smile, and then I realise; she’s knows that there’s more to this, to me and… Jimin, than just two people who fucked even though they hate each other. And so do I, the thought terrifying me. His feelings are involved, and maybe mine are too, and I already know this is gonna get messy, messier than it should. But I don’t really have it in me to put a stop to it right now. I think I must have hurt him a lot when I left him last week (the thought of him waking up to an empty bed when he thought I would be there beside him makes me feel sick to my stomach) and I don’t ever want to hurt someone like that again. Even if it that someone is Jimin, the most annoying, stupid, selfish, egotistic, infuriating, big-headed person to ever walk the Earth.

I stay silent, and Jimin takes that as a sign to nod at the girls, all of them giving me little hugs before they head back up towards the house. The few people that are outside are watching interestedly and I want to just tell them to all fuck off. I used to think I’d love being the centre of attention all the time, but I’ve definitely changed my mind. ‘What’s the matter, y/n?’ he asks gently, and I sigh, not meeting his eyes as I think, not sure what to tell him. He stays quiet as he waits for me to speak, which leaves us in a heavy silence. ‘I… I’m just fed up. All anyone’s been speaking to me about is you and I don’t like it because there’s more to talk about to me than my sex life, and I hate that people are always staring at me now and probably thinking all these things about me when they barely know me and everyone’s making me regret sleeping with you but I don’t want to regret it because it was good and I enjoyed it and it was with you, but I don’t know why that’s making me not regret it but I kind of do know because I don’t think that I see you the same as I used to anymore, which is something else I hate because I’m supposed to hate you, and I do but I also don’t think I do, and I’m so confused, and I just want to go home,’ I say miserably all in one breath, and he looks a little taken aback, but nods when I’m finished speaking. ‘I… I’ve been thinking a lot of the same things the last week, and I’m confused too. So if it’s any consolation, I know how you feel,’ he says, and somehow… it is consolation. I already knew his feelings towards me had changed, but hearing that he feels all the other stuff too, it does make me feel better. But I’m a stubborn bitch.

‘No, actually, I’m not sure you do know how I feel. Because I didn’t make it harder for you. I didn’t show up somewhere solely to piss you off, and laugh with my friends to make you feel self-conscious, and be all smug and amused and rude to you, and pull your underwear out of my pocket in front of everyone to embarrass you. So no, Jimin, you don’t know how I feel,’ I reply angrily, unable to help myself, but it’s true – he made this all a hundred times worse at try-outs earlier, and I am angry at him for it. I wait for him to get angry in return, to point out that I probably didn’t make it any better for him by being a bitch, but I’m pleasantly surprised when he just nods, his head dropping sheepishly. ‘I’m sorry, y/n. I didn’t mean to, I promise – I never intended to piss you off or to make you feel self-conscious or to embarrass you. I tend to… not think before I do things, and I guess my pride was hurt that you left so I wanted to just save face. And I shouldn’t have… left you earlier. I was just being petty and wanted to get back at you. I’m really sorry,’ he says earnestly, and I’m shocked into silence for a few moments, before I nod.

‘Okay. I accept your apology,’ I say, and he smiles. ‘I’m glad. Now… shall I take you home?’ he asks, and I blink in surprise. ‘What?’ ‘You said you wanted to go home so do you want me to take you?’ he offers, and I hesitate for a moment. ‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’ ‘Why not?’ ‘Because I’m supposed to hate you, and you’re supposed to hate me,’ I whisper, and he raises an eyebrow, taking a step closer to me. ‘Like I said earlier… would it really be so bad if we didn’t hate each other?’ he replies quietly, and I’m silent. ‘I don’t… I don’t know. It’s kinda… scary to think about. And it’s just easier to hate you. And…’ I trail off, and an amused smile appears on his stupid face. ‘You’re too stubborn to not hate me when you’ve hated me for so long, right?’ he says, seeing right through me, and I nod sheepishly. ‘We really need to work on your stubbornness, because I can see a future for us, y/n. If you could just give in to your feelings for me, we could pursue something together,’ he grins, but there’s no humour, no amusement in his voice at all, his honesty nearly winding me. He throws an arm around my shoulders and slowly walks us back up to the house. ‘A future? For you and me?’ I echo, and he lets out a gentle laugh. ‘Yeah! We’ll get married as soon as we finish Uni, have a load of kids, and they can become footballers and cheerleaders to follow in our footsteps,’ he says, and I choke, making him let out a loud laugh. ‘Okay, maybe not as soon as we finish Uni. I’ll make that sacrifice.’ ‘Thanks.’ ‘Of course, angel. Anything for you.’

The second we step into the house, all eyes in the kitchen look up at us. ‘Can we help you?’ Jimin asks evenly, daring them to say something, and they’re all silent. ‘Thought so,’ he mutters, leading us over to where the drinks are as conversation resumes around us, albeit much quieter now. Jimin eyes the dozens of bottles covering the countertop before his eyes flit to the cup in my hand. ‘What you drinking, babe?’ he asks quietly, and I hold my drink up for him to try. ‘You trying to roofie me?’ he grins, and I let out a little laugh. ‘It’s Fireball whisky and cream soda. Jeongyeon’s concoction,’ I say, and he grimaces before trying some, his face instantly changing. ‘Oh, wow, that’s good,’ he says, reaching for the whisky bottle to pour himself some. ‘Did you just arrive?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘I literally got here, walked into the kitchen, saw you weren’t in here, asked Mark where you were, and he said you were outside. I was coming to apologise,’ he says, and my heart warms. ‘To be honest… I should apologise too,’ I say, and his mouth drops open. ‘I can’t believe my ears. Is stubborn y/n finally discarding her pride?’ ‘Shut up, stupid,’ I laugh, shoving him gently, and he grins. ‘You don’t have to apologise, angel. You were scared that we didn’t hate each other, so you left, and then you were a bitch to me so that I’d hate you. That’s it. Don’t worry about it,’ he says, and I nod, grateful that I don’t have to apologise.

‘Okay,’ he says once he’s poured his drink, ‘shall we get away from all the staring?’ I raise an eyebrow, and he laughs. ‘I didn’t mean that, but if you’re down. I still owe you from earlier,’ he says lowly with a smirk, and my breath catches in my throat. ‘Um… maybe later. Let’s… see what’s going on in the rest of the house,’ I say, and he nods, grinning at my flustered state. And then he takes my hand into his, our fingers laced together, and a little shock runs up my arm at the contact. I nearly slap myself – he was rearranging my guts earlier, but I’m getting butterflies at him holding my hand? Really?

He leads me into the living room, several pairs of eyes turning to us, but he completely ignores them, so I do too. ‘You wanna stay in here?’ he asks over the loud music, and I shake my head. He nods, continuing to lead us through the room into the front hallway. The layout is the same as the ASP house, so Jimin knows his way around, leading me through the hallway and pushing open the door to the other living room, where it’s considerably more chill. The haze of weed lays heavy on the air, music gently pulsing through the room, and there are a lot less people in here, majority the boys on the football team with their girlfriends. ‘Oh, y/n, Chan spoke to me, I…’ Felix calls to me before his eyes land on Jimin behind me, his words trailing off when he spots our intertwined hands. ‘Yeah, it’s… yeah,’ I say, a little embarrassed, and Felix just nods, holding back a laugh when Jimin looks between us. ‘What did Chan speak to you about, Lix?’ Jimin asks, and I cringe. ‘They’re the ones that walked into the changing rooms earlier,’ I say under my breath, and he lets out a little noise of realisation with a nod, a smirk playing at his lips as he looks at Felix, the boy looking endlessly amused. ‘Oh, are you guys talking about how we walked in on you in the changing room?’ Jisung calls out tactlessly, and I close my eyes, gathering myself, as laughter ripples around the room. ‘You know what? Let’s just leave,’ I say tiredly, more laughter following my words, and Jimin nods, bidding goodbye to his friends with a smug grin as he leads me out of the room.

‘Shall we sit outside?’ he suggests, and I nod, letting him pull me through the front door. I shut the door behind us, and when I turn back, Jimin’s sat on the front step, looking out onto the front garden. It’s surprisingly empty, and it’s quiet out here, the only noise coming faintly from inside. I sit down beside him, pulling my dress down, and Jimin notices, a greasy smirk appearing on his face. ‘I swear to God, Park, I will not hesitate to throw this drink at you,’ I say, and he laughs, eyes disappearing behind their lids. ‘I was just gonna say that you look really nice. That dress really suits you,’ he grins, and I eye him suspiciously, holding back a laugh. He holds his hands up, feigning innocence, and I let out a gentle laugh, taking a sip of my drink. ‘Did you wear it for me?’ he asks, and I nod without looking at him. ‘Good choice. I like it,’ he replies, reaching for my hand, and I can’t help the small smile on my face as he laces his fingers with mine, our hands resting in my lap.

We both fall into a comfortable silence, and it’s really nice. It’s like all the other stuff falls away and doesn’t matter anymore, and we’re just a girl and a boy sat on the front steps of a frat house, taking a moment away from the party under the night sky, holding hands and drinking whisky and soda. We sit in silence for a few minutes, and I think that this is what true peace is like; when things are quiet and simple and easy, and nothing’s bothering me, nothing’s complicated or confusing, nothing matters. It’s almost too good to be true.

The door behind us opens after a few minutes, both of us turning to see Jeongin and Changbin, two more boys on the team, and Jimin grins widely when he sees them. I turn to face the front garden again, my back to the boys with my hand still in Jimin’s, both resting in my lap. ‘Boys! How are you? Ready for first practice next week?’ Jimin asks them, and I roll my eyes amusedly – football is their livelihood, and Jimin’s in his element talking about football, even more now that he’s been promoted to Captain. ‘Looking forward to it, Captain!’ Jeongin exclaims, hyping Jimin up even more. ‘Before we get distracted with football, we thought we’d let you know that, um, Rosie’s been looking for you. She asked us where you were and we said we didn’t know so we could buy you some time, but she’ll probably find you soon,’ Changbin says, and I freeze at the mention of his ex, Jimin wincing. ‘Um, okay, thanks, guys. I’ll, uh, speak to you later,’ he says, dismissing them, and they quickly disappear with a ‘bye’ thrown over their shoulders before the door shuts.

‘Why is Rosie looking for you?’ I ask amusedly, knowing exactly why she’s looking for him. She and Jimin have been in an on-again-off-again relationship for a long time, but he ended it for good at the end of last year, and stayed true to his word. According to the rumours, they don’t even talk anymore, just walk past each other without a word, and they haven’t slept with each other again. But she’s obviously got wind about me, and is jealous. ‘Um, yeah, about that. There’s probably something I should tell you,’ he says hesitantly, and I feel my body go a little cold as I turn my eyes to him – maybe there is a different reason she’s looking for him. ‘I… may have… slept with her… on Tuesday,’ he says, and the words don’t really register with me for a moment. ‘y/n?’ he says, eyes full of worry and I blink, realisation washing over me.

He slept with her. Four days ago.

I remove his hand from mine, and he flinches when I do so, retracting his hand slowly. ‘What… were you thinking?’ I ask, and he just blinks for a moment. ‘I was thinking that you hated me because you left and I was hurt so I found comfort in someone else,’ he says, tone neutral, but I can hear the defensiveness coming through. And, okay, maybe that is a good enough reason. But I’m still angry. Do I even have a right to be angry? ‘But your ex? Jimin, I-’ ‘Yes, y/n, my ex. I don’t really think you have a right to be angry. You left me. You knew my feelings for you were different to what you first thought, and you left anyway!’ he exclaims, voice rising, and I roll my eyes, letting out a humourless laugh. ‘I wasn’t obligated to stay just because you liked me!’ ‘But you liked me too!’ ‘I’m not sure I did, Jimin, and I’m still not sure about it! Besides, you literally said like fifteen minutes ago that you understood why I left and that I didn’t need to apologise for it!’ I point out, and he scoffs. ‘I do understand, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less, y/n. I was hurting and she was at the ASP house picking up her hair clip that she lost at the party and one thing led to ano-’ ‘So she just happened to be at the house, picking up a hair clip, three days after what happened between you and me? You don’t think she planned that?’ I say incredulously, unable to believe how dense he is. ‘So what if she did? To me, it was meaningless sex, to get my mind off you. I don’t think you have a right to be angry.’ ‘I don’t think I do either, but I still am!’ I exclaim, and he rolls his eyes, a smile playing at his lips. ‘You’re not angry, you’re jealous.’ ‘I’m not jealous, Jimin, don’t be ridiculous,’ I scoff, even more pissed off now. ‘You are.’ ‘If I said, ‘let’s go upstairs and fuck’ right now, you would be down, so what have I got to be jealous about?’ I ask lowly, and his eyes darken. ‘Fine. You’re not jealous. You’re angry I slept with someone else because you like me. Don’t even bother saying you’re still not sure because that’s the only reason for you to be angry. And in that case, I understand. And I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,’ he says calmly, and I don’t say anything, looking away from him.

After a few moments, he reaches for my hand tentatively, gauging my reaction before lacing our fingers together again. ‘You don’t have to apologise. I’m just being silly,’ I say, and he chuckles, moving closer to me. ‘I’ll apologise as many times as you need me to. I really do like you, y/n, and I kinda have for a while. I don’t want to fuck up whatever this is happening between us. And I know you’re still reluctant and you still want to hate me or whatever, but I don’t mind waiting until you’re ready. I’m happy to take time to win you over,’ he says softly, and my heart warms a little. The contrast between this Jimin and the Jimin from last week really is insane. There are so many sides to him, it’s hard to keep track. ‘Sorry,’ I say, and he lets out a gentle laugh. ‘You don’t have to apologise for getting angry that I slept with my ex, even if we didn’t make any commitments to each other. I understand,’ he says simply, and I can’t help the smile on my face as I shuffle even closer to him, our sides pressed together and my head resting on his shoulder.

And again, it’s nice. But it really is too good to be true. The door behind us is wrenched open before we hear, ‘Jimin?’ I sigh, Jimin turning to look at Rosie. ‘Rosie,’ he replies, voice neutral, and I turn around, our eyes meeting. ‘Hi, Rosie,’ I smile at the girl. I’ve never actually had a problem with Rosie – we run in the same social circles, she’s a Cheerleader, and we’ve never been close but from what I know of her, she’s okay. ‘Hi, y/n. Do you mind if I speak to Jimin for a moment?’ she says sweetly. ‘Of course,’ I reply with a smile, not moving a muscle, and Jimin sighs. ‘y/n, please,’ he says, and I turn to him, annoyance unfurling in my chest. ‘Okay,’ I say coldly, dropping his hand from mine and rising up, brushing past Rosie into the house.

What is wrong with him? Has he got no common sense? The logical thing to have done is obviously to not speak to her – what could she possibly have to say? All she’s going to do is try to get him back. And he’s really stupid enough to ask me to leave? Am I a dickhead? I let out an angry sigh, deciding that I’ve had enough. He’s been spouting all this shit about how he doesn’t want to fuck this up, and then literally like two fucking minutes later, he’s having a private conversation with his ex. This is like ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ but in real life. He’s Peter, Rosie’s Gen and I’m Lara Jean. Somehow though, I feel like I won’t have the same happy ending.

‘y/n!’ I hear Jennie call from the other living room, where she’s sat with Jihyo and Irene, and I sigh, heading in. ‘What’s happened?’ she asks, and I roll my eyes, the attention of everyone in the room on me. ‘He apologised and we made up but then he asked me to leave so he could have a private conversation with his ex,’ I say, and they all gasp, confirming that I’m not a crazy bitch and that he shouldn’t be having private conversations with his ex. ‘Oh, girl, you better not forgive his stupid ass,’ Jihyo says, the other girls in the room nodding and giving various agreements, and the boys are all quiet – they obviously feel a sense of loyalty to Jimin and don’t want to talk bad about him. ‘I feel so pissed, but I also feel like I don’t have a right to be pissed,’ I say, and the girls all frown, disagreeing instantly. ‘You do have a right to be pissed. You should go throw your drink over his stupid head,’ Jennie says angrily, and I hold back a laugh.

‘I don’t know what to do,’ I sigh helplessly, perching on the arm of Seungmin’s armchair. ‘It’s a red flag, y/n. End things here – don’t let it go too far otherwise you’ll get too attached, your feelings will get deeper and stronger, and it’s just not worth it. Him and Rosie are always messing around and it’ll probably be like that for a long time – she’s a nice girl but she’s got Jimin wrapped around her finger and she knows it. If he tries to move on, she’ll stop it. It’s not worth you getting involved in that, because you shouldn’t have to compete with his ex,’ Irene says softly, everybody listening to her, and I know she’s exactly right; I might… maybe… kinda… sorta… like(?) Jimin now, but he’s not worth competing with another girl for. If there’s even a choice for him, I should walk away. I deserve someone who wants me and only me. ‘God, you’re right,’ I wail, throwing myself back against the armchair and lifting my hand to my face despairingly, a little laugh running around the room at my dramatics as Seungmin pats my arm comfortingly. ‘I know he’s our friend, y/n, but he’s also kinda a dick when it comes to girls, and we all know it. I mean, he was literally bragging to us yesterday about what happened between you guys,’ Minho says, and I feel my focus shifting entirely to his words when he says that, my entire body tensing. ‘What did he say?’ I ask calmly, though I can feel my anger slowly rising, along with the tension in the room. ‘Well… um,’ Minho begins hesitantly, before sighing, ‘we all went to ASP last night for KPN and ASP Pizza Friday, and we were speaking about going to watch you guys at the try-outs. JB mentioned that, as the new captain, you might get pissed if we showed up, and then the conversation turned to you and Jimin last week.’

I’m in total shock; he blatantly lied to me earlier, by telling me that he’d only told his closest friends. The thought that all those boys were sat together last night, talking about me, makes my stomach turn. ‘What did he tell you guys?’ I ask shakily, despite not actually wanting to know. ‘Um… everything,’ Minho says, and my heart drops. ‘Everything?’ ‘Yeah. Everything,’ Chan confirms, voice gentle, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes. ‘Wow. Okay. So not only is he a dick, he blatantly lied,’ I say flatly, the room completely silent other than the low RnB beat pulsing from the speaker. ‘I’m gonna go. Sorry for, uh, killing the vibe,’ I say quietly, pushing myself up from the arm of Seungmin’s armchair and heading towards the door, multiple people in the room calling after me.

I quickly dart up the stairs, dodging past the couple making out on the landing and into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. Part of me is numb, in complete shock, and doesn’t know how to react. Another part of me is unbelievably hurt that he completely lied to my face, and that he asked me to leave so he could talk to his ex. Privately. Another part of me is totally humiliated that he told the boys everything, my pride completely ruined now. And the other part of me is annoyed at myself for being so hurt about a boy who, this time last week, I hated and would’ve rather fought than fucked.

‘y/n, it’s me,’ I hear Jennie’s voice from the other side of the door, and I unlock it to let her in. She pulls me into a hug, and I have to scrunch my eyes shut to stop myself from crying, pushing my head into her neck as she rubs my back comfortingly. ‘He’s so trash, babe. So trash. You deserve so much better,’ she says soothingly, and I try my best to fully believe her words, but it’s hard when I’m also trying to hold back my tears.

Before I can even speak to her, Jiwon’s head appears around the door, her eyes widening when she sees how upset I am. ‘y/n! Sorry for just walking in but are you okay?’ she asks, eyes big with concern, and my heart warms. ‘Ugh, yeah,’ I say, Jennie and I moving apart, and I tilt my head back, blinking furiously to get rid of my tears. ‘It’s just Jimin. He’s such a dick. I’m done with him,’ I say, the words coming out of my mouth before I even think of them, and I realise that, yes, I am done with him. I’m not wasting my time on him anymore.

‘Good. You deserve better. I mean, I knew he was a dick when he literally grabbed me on the way up to his room last week and dragged me along behind him. He made me think he was attracted to me, but he obviously just wanted to make you jealous,’ Jiwon says, and it makes me hate him even more. I didn’t even think about how hurt she must have been when she realised he was just using her. ‘God, he really is a dick,’ I spit, face twisted up in disgust, and Jiwon lets out a gentle laugh. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t see that sooner.’ ‘I knew all along. There was a reason I hated him so much – he’s always been a self-absorbed, egotistic, arrogant douche, but now… he’s even worse in my eyes.’

‘Shall we head back downstairs, get you a drink, dance? Or… shall we head home? We could have a little girls’ night – we’ve got a couple bottles of Echo Falls in the fridge, Clueless and Mean Girls on Netflix, and I have a few face masks. We could invite some of the other girls, too. And you could join us, Jiwon. We could get drunk, order pizza and talk about how much of a bastard Jimin is,’ Jennie says, the three of us laughing. She’s really sold the idea – it sounds like a lot of fun – but it’s late already. It’s better if I just head home and go to sleep. I actually feel exhausted after the events of today; it’s been an emotional rollercoaster, and I’m literally craving my bed right now. ‘That sounds fun, Jen, but maybe we could do that another night. I could do with just sleeping tonight,’ I say, and she nods, smiling gently.

‘Shall I order an Uber?’ ‘You stay,’ I say, and she frowns. ‘Why would I stay? You’re upset – I’ll come back with you.’ ‘No, honestly, I’ll be fine. You stay, enjoy the party. You haven’t even spent any time with Namjoon,’ I say, and she rolls her eyes. ‘I don’t care about spending time with Namjoon right now. You’re my priority. I’m coming home with you,’ she says firmly, pulling her phone out of her pocket, and I exchange an exasperated glance with Jiwon, the other girl incredibly amused.

As soon as Jennie’s ordered the Uber, we head downstairs to bid everyone goodbye. The second I step into the kitchen, Jin and Jungkook appear in front of me, grinning like the Cheshire Cat. ‘Don’t say a word, because I swear to God, I won’t hesitate to kick you both in the balls,’ I threaten angrily, and their grins soon disappear. ‘Have you been crying, y/n? What’s the ma-?’ ‘Don’t say a word!’ I exclaim, pushing past them to say goodbye to Wendy, Lisa, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu, the three of them giving me tight and comforting hugs – it seems that word’s already gotten around to the girls about Jimin and I. Then, in the living room, Nayeon, Seulgi, Mina, Jeongyeon, Jisoo, Momo, Joy and Sana all stop dancing the second I walk in, smothering me in hugs, and I know for sure that word has gotten around. And then, in the other living room, Jihyo, Irene, Yeri and Dahyun all give me big hugs too, and it really does make me feel better. Girls say it a lot, but it’s true – as long as you have your girls around you, you really don’t need a man. Any KNP or ASP boys that I walk past get the cold shoulder – they were all present when Jimin told them the dirty details and, despite some of them being my friends, close friends, not one of them thought to tell me. The only person that gets a goodbye from me is Minho; the rest of them can fuck themselves.

When I reach the front door, my hand shakes for a moment and I hesitate, Jennie putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. I take a deep breath, rolling back my shoulders and raising my chin a little, injecting as much confidence into my body language as possible before I aggressively turn the handle, pulling the door towards me forcefully. They’re still sat on the front doorstep, Rosie where I was sat just half an hour ago, and they both jump when they hear the door open. And even though they react instantly, I still spot Jimin’s hand retracting from Rosie’s, leaving hers empty.

My eyes flit back up, in front of me, and I carefully walk through the gap between them, ignoring them both completely. ‘y/n? Are you leaving?’ I hear Jimin ask, but Jennie puts a hand on my back, the both of us continuing to walk up towards the road and away from him. ‘y/n! Wait!’ he calls after me, and then I hear his footsteps behind us, making my blood boil – can he not take the hint? ‘What, Jimin?’ I demand, whirling around to face him, and he hesitates in his steps. ‘y/n-’ ‘No, Jimin, don’t ‘y/n’ me. What the fuck do you want?’ ‘I… you’re angry at me,’ he says quietly, and I let out a harsh laugh. ‘Great observation, Jimin! What else will you come out with? The grass is green? Or the sky is blue, perhaps?’ ‘Okay, you don’t need to be so bitchy to m-’ ‘Bitchy?’ I practically scream, marching towards him, and he recoils away from me. Good. I’m glad he’s scared.

‘I think I’m well within my rights to be bitchy to you, you fucking bastard!’ I shriek, and he flinches, confusion all over his face. ‘What did I do, y/n? I… let me fix it,’ he says, and I let out another humourless laugh. ‘Fix it? You want to fix it?’ I ask hysterically, voice shaking, ‘You might’ve been able to fix the fact that you asked me to leave so you could have a private conversation with your ex, but that’s a very strong ‘might’, because I am not a choice, Jimin! You don’t get to mess me around! I’m number one, or I’m nothing to you at all!’ ‘Okay. Okay, I understand, and I’m sorry. I won’t do something like that again,’ he says earnestly, desperation in his eyes, but I can’t muster up any sympathy at all. Maybe I am a bitch, like he told me so many times last week.

‘No, you’re not going to do something like that again. Because you’re not going to have the chance, Jimin. We are done. That’s it,’ I say, and any hope that was in his eyes completely disappears, the light draining away. ‘What? Why? I thought you wanted… to give us a go,’ he says quietly, sounding… lost, and confused. It only makes me angrier – he’s not gonna get away with playing innocent today. ‘I did. Before I found out that you went and blabbed every single detail of last week to every fucking frat boy in ASP and KPN last night! Did you somehow forget about that, or did you purposely leave out that detail when I asked you earlier?’ I scream, body shaking with fury, and the second he registers my words, the colour disappears from his face, and he looks like he might throw up. He doesn’t say anything, and I give him the chance, but he doesn’t even bother to deny it, just stares at me in shock and the last shred of my hope that maybe Minho lied, that he exaggerated, or that maybe Jimin only told a couple of the guys disappears. ‘Yeah. That’s what I thought too. So forgive me for being such a bitch,’ I spit at him, and he opens his mouth to speak, no words coming out.

‘Go on. Say something. You’ve had plenty to say all night. So let’s hear it,’ I prompt sarcastically, and he just blinks before he whispers miserably; ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘Sorry? You’re sorry? Oh, well, that’s okay! Everything’s solved now, huh? That just makes everything fine!’ I shout, and his head drops, eyes on the ground. ‘Not only did you tell everyone, you lied about it! So how can I pursue something with you when you’re already lying to me? I can’t trust a word you say!’ ‘I… I’m not defending myself… but you lied to me too, y/n. You told me that you told Jennie, and ‘a couple of the other girls’. But we both know that was a lie,’ he says slowly, stuttering as he speaks, and I’m dumbfounded, in complete and utter shock.

‘You… you don’t understand. I told the girls, my closest friends. We tell each other everything. I’ve been there for them through everything, and they’ve been there for me through everything. You told two entire fraternities of immature and idiotic man children! You don’t think there’s a difference between the two? I bet they congratulated you, right? On getting the girl that hates you into bed? Asked what I was like? What my body looks like? Whether I had good head game, or good pussy? Saw me as just a slut, another conquest, another notch in your belt? Two entire fraternities objectified me last night, and you can’t even try to tell me otherwise, because I can guarantee that every girl in this damn university has had an experience to prove that you frat boys are disgusting. So you can fuck yourself, Jimin, and don’t ever compare me telling the girls to you telling those idiots again,’ I spit out angrily, and he’s completely silent, confirming everything I’ve just said. ‘I’m done with you. Don’t ever speak to me again,’ I hiss before turning on my heel and marching to where Jen stands outside the Uber, smiling at me softly.

‘That was amazing. I’m so proud of you,’ she says when I reach her, and I smile back as she opens the car door, letting me climb in first. I slide across the seat, Jennie following me in, and when she shuts the door behind her, I feel my heart pulse with hurt, eyes filling with tears. And as the driver pulls away from the house and I turn to look out of the rear window, being met with the sight of Jimin stood there, watching the car drive away, his eyes shining with tears, I can’t hold back my own, sobbing as if my heart would break.

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