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merlinmyrddin · 3 years

Note

Hello!

Can you recommend me some very underatted gay movies? (I prefer comdey or happy ones if it's possible)

I recently came to realize i am a 23 man who happens to be gay. I don't know what took me so long.

Hello! I am sorry for the time it took me to answer you, but your ask has been playing constantly in my head now for weeks and I had to go down nostalgia lane film-wise...!

I'm also sorry for how long this answer is, I got carried away!!!

So first of all, I am damn proud if you. I know it sounds like empty words but whether you're 13, 23, or 45, being able to say you have found your inner truth is always something to be proud of! And what took you so long? It didn't. We are living in times where people want you to believe you are meant to have your sexuality and/or gender figured out by 18 when in reality, I know more people doing their coming out in their 20's/30's. Because when it comes to being gay, lesbian, bi, trans and queer : this last decade has seen some major changes. But it's ok for people born late 80's and 90's to come out "just" now. We grew up in a time where homosexuality was still taboo in most places. And when I say taboo, I mean that "homosexual" was barely pronounced, sometimes only whispered. A time where "gay panic" was a legitimate defense in court. (Talking from a Western European point of view here again. Many places in the world, including the USA still consider the murder of an homosexual or transgender victim as a legitimate act. And these last years has proven that there was not only the "gay/trans panic" crippling our streets, but also a "black panic" and more recently, an "Asian panic". Short aparte here : "gay panic" doesnt mean "omg, that person is making me question my identity!?" nor is it a term used when thirsty over an actor/actress when openly gay such as "[actor name] oh wow...*gay panic intensifies*... this term is a serious concept a murderer can use in court as a defense when taking the life of someone from the community. This is the law enabling hate crimes.)

To any younger people reading this right now : gay marriage has been legal in France since 2013, in the UK since 2014 and, allegedly, in the US since 2015. This is recent history. People who are mid-20's are historically closer to the HIV/AIDs crisis than of the legalisation of same-sex marriage.

As such, we are made to believe than coming out in our twenties or thirties is doing a late coming out. No, it's not. We are a generation who suffered through systemic homophobia in our formative teenage years. When we were trying to figure who we were, people were marching in the streets calling us names, and trying to defend the idea we did not deserve basic humans rights. (As a side note, I am not implying that such issues are not currently happening. This is mostly western European centred again as I am, well, European. This is also targeted towards sexuality orientations, excluding any gender talks as this is still currently a very real societal issue for which the fight has only just begun. Double side note : I'm not yet fully caffeinated. But hopefully you get the general idea despite my flagrant lack of eloquence on this fine morning.)

Alright, let's move on to films then!

I searched for a long time for happy / comedic films but then I realised I was definitly not the right person to answer that. On a general basis, I enjoy dramas. That's my thing.

So instead, I thought I would list you the first LGBTQ+ Films I ever watched, hoping they'll find you well.

-Stonewall (1995). Not my favourite film, but as a kid, it was great first jump into lgbtq+ history. Sad note : The director of this film died of AIDS shortly after.

-Another country (1984) Based in the 1930's in a public school. Starring Rupert Everett (who just a few years ago came to direct "The Happy Prince", a great take on Oscar Wilde and Alfred Douglas, casting himself as Wilde, and Colin Morgan as Bosie...fantastic film, highly recommand), and starring Colin Firth. Teenagers discovering themselves, from homosexuality to politics. (The parralele made is quite interesting as both young men are misfits...one for being gay, one for being Marxist.) Great watch, but a heavy one.

-Maurice. (1987) God, I love this film. It explores not only coming to term with your sexuality but also what it means to be homosexual for the people around you and the impact it can have on your life, depending on your social background. Starring James Wilby, Hugh Grant and Rupert Graves, this is an other drama which leaves you feeling almost raw. I always had an affinity for British film because of how...real they feel. Best example would probably be Danny Boyle himself. You know what I mean... you grow attached and you feel for these characters. And Maurice does just that. Memorable quote : I am an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort. (And you might think : "Oscar Wilde? Again??" And oh boy, yes. Oscar Wilde again. Yes, he is one of the most well known author, mostly because of The Picture of Dorian Gray, but he is also a major part of Queer history. After all, "queer" has been used as a derogatory term for homosexuals for the time...directed at Wilde during his trial for posing as a somdomite. (No typo there.) Being an unspeakable of the Oscar Wilde sort is an other one of the euphemism like "being a friend of Dorothy") And talking about Wilde...

-Wilde (1997). Biopic, Stephen Fry as Oscar, Jude law as Oscar's lover : Bosie. Incredible. Superb film. I can not find words.

-An Englishman in New-York (not the Sting song. Actually yes, kinda the Sting song. Because both the film and the song are about the same man : Quentin Crisp). Biopic. An artist, writer, actor, Quentin Crisp has always bothered. Painting his nails, wearing make up, criticising the royal family. He was a character. John hurt is magnificent as Crisp, who he had already played in 1975 in The Naked Civil Servant, an other great watch.

- A Single Man (2009). With Nicholas Hoult and Colin Firth. This film was a slap in my face. And it has, in my opinion, one of the greatest speech of all time, during a scene in the classroom :

"[...]Let's leave the Jews out of this just for a moment. Let's think of another minority. One that... One that can go unnoticed if it needs to. There are all sorts of minorities, blondes for example... Or people with freckles. But a minority is only thought of as one when it constitutes some kind of threat to the majority. A real threat or an imagined one. And therein lies the fear. If the minority is somehow invisible, then the fear is much greater. That fear is why the minority is persecuted. So, you see there always is a cause. The cause is fear. Minorities are just people. People like us."

-Pride (2014). [TRAILER] Bloody hell, that film. When we talk about lgbtq+ history, we often thing about the pink triangle and the holocaust, Reagan, Stonewall, AIDS and... fucking Maggie. Margaret Thatcher, the Iron Lady. Again, funny how the past is closer than we think, as I still have friends of mine talking to me about that period in British history that they lived through. The minors strike. The poverty, the crisis of the working class and the HIV crisis. But if you are looking for a film full of hope, from tears to laughter, this is the one. Bread and Roses. Bread, and Roses. And a message, which I believe is the essence of our community to this day : solidarity forever. After all...there is power in a union.

If anybody has other films to add, you are more than welcome to do so.

Love you all xx

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cowboyjen68 · 3 years

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did you know any trans people back in the old scenes? any trans men or women? or those who were more androgynous presenting? I'm just curious :))

This is going to be long because this story has meaning to me and I think it is important that I share my friend’s story, even if our connection was temporary.

I did. And she had an impact on me, although I didn’t know it at the time. I used to go to a bar called the “Dead Wood” in Iowa City. It was sort of a townie and college student bar. I was newly out and while we had a well established gay bar it was specifically a night club so we did our day drinking at the Dead Wood. We could play pool, pinball and see familiar faces. My memory is a bit foggy, this would have been around 1994, so I would say we drank together a handful of times or so over the course of a year before I moved to another city and bought a house with my girlfriend.

Her name was Cindy. She was maybe in her late 40′s but it was hard for me to tell. Every one over 30 looked 40 She was thin and blonde and always dressed in mini skirts and lacy tops. Her face was pale, in retrospect it was maybe make up, maybe not, and gaunt and I was always worried she was not eating enough.

She and I talked a lot about her life. I was young and curious and we were often drunk. The kind of day drunk where you talk about personal details, high 5 stupid jokes and say things like “I love you man” over and over. I never saw her outside the bar.

The first time we met, I was ordering a beer and she invited me to sit at the bar with her. She was way ahead of me on drinks so she ordered me a couple of shots (that I paid for) and she told me that i should “buy the lady a drink”. So I did. A beer and a highball glass of whiskey I think. After I was drinking for a while, we had been talking about our names, where I worked etc, she leaned over and whispered “You know I’m a man, right?, a transexual man.” I was a bit taken aback. I knew Cindy was was not female, but I didn’t expect her to say that. I sort of recovered and said “I didn’t think I was supposed to notice or say anything”.

She put her hand on my knee. I remember it so clearly because she was so funny and different from other people I had met in my 24 years. She said “why wouldn’t you notice? “ I really don’t remember having a response. She told me that she was proud of who she was and it had been really hard because she liked men and some gay men didn’t like her being in skirts but she loved her skirts. And loved being seen as woman in public.

Through the next year or many months we ran into each other she told me about being transexual and explained her feelings. What she went through. Cindy told me about being drug addicted and the times she was homeless. I learned, through her words, the struggles she faced. She said she had no family and, although she never told me she was a prostitute, she hinted to it many times.

She told me that being a man was okay, but it was easier to look like a woman and love men than to look like a man and love men. Not to others she said but it felt better to her. She told told me she appreciated that I used “she”. I didn’t see why I would not, to me it was clear she wanted to be treated as if she was a woman.

I am paraphrasing a bit since it was many years ago, but the words in quotes are still clear in my head.

I had been around many drag queens and the 80′s was a prime decade of gender bending with fashion and dance and pop music. Androgyny was a norm for men and women, straight, bi and gay. For some of the gays and lesbians knew it was a way to get as close as they could to how they wanted to present without “outing” themselves as butch or a twink or gay in anyway. I knew many gay men who were feminine and flamboyant by nature. Cindy was different. I understood that she felt better about herself in “feminine” clothing (by American cultural standards). I had never met someone quite like her.

I can’t say how Cindy would feel about the modern language (transgender vs transsexual) or if she would have (or did) eventually take hormones or use any medical transition methods that would not have been available to her then. When i moved away my new job kept me from Iowa City and day drinking. I never saw her again, but I certainly never forgot the talks we had.

Part 2.. At women’s festivals I attended there were always women, who at the festivals were comfortable or at least okay being referred to as women, and used lesbian and female to talk about themselves. But in the “real world”, they passed as men. I can’t say if they used “trans man” to describe themselves. Many of them used more traditional male names but that is also not unusual in the lesbian/butch world either.

Frankly, I would only know they “passed” as men outside of the festival if they told me because the spectrum of women was so varied and diverse that there were certainly very masculine appearing women (whether they used butch or not) who were quite content in being perceived as female and quite unbothered if not.

The first time I heard the term “trans man” was in a 2001 article in the magazine “On Our Backs”. Or at least that was the first time I remember reading about it. I had no trans men in my broad circle of close friends of my generation, and that is still true. My trans man friends are all 30 or under. I remember the article because 1. I still have it and 2. it was pretty honest about the unique relationship and reality trans men have with and share with butches and being a lesbian. It was the first time i saw the complexities of the relationships between lesbians and trans men. Prior to that, it had never occurred to me.

All of the trans men I knew through the years, either friends of friends or in passing were same sex attracted and all were still very much apart of the lesbian circles I was in. There did not seem to be a disconnect or chasm between trans men and lesbians at all, which seems sometimes different than now, at least according to the internet. We unspokenly seemed to understand that we shared some history and a unique connection. My closest trans man friend is younger than me by 20 years and he and I definitely share a close bond, unique to our past.

I have been active in LGBT activism for 26 years and so my circle of friends widened as I grew older. Now I have friends on all parts of the LGBT plus spectrum. Meeting Cindy all those years ago taught me to listen and helped fuel my desire to befriend people who don’t look or act like me or share a similar past. Sharing each other’s stories is the most important power we hold as a community. Actively hearing each other is what strengthens us against a world that often is hostile to us and is uninterested in our struggles beyond pity for who we are.

#lgbt #stories

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goosemixtapes · 3 years

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i had to read an infuriating post with mine own two eyes tonight so here’s a reminder from your local lesbian:

a) the idea that masculine women and/or lesbians (and particularly those of us who are both) are “pressured to transition” into men is ludicrous. i’m not saying it never happens - i don’t want to discount real people who may have had those experiences - but to act like it’s a trend is, quite frankly, stupid. masculine girls aren’t told to be men. masculine girls are told to be feminine. people who don’t want lesbians around probably don’t want trans people around either.

b) it is not easier to be trans than to be gay. i’m not saying it’s harder - i think trying to rank systems of oppression is a waste of time. that said, the idea that a gay person can “escape” homophobia by transitioning into a “straight” member of the “opposite sex” is - guess what! - also stupid! transitioning doesn’t get you away from homophobia. people will still be homophobic, because they will still see you as your assigned gender; you’ll just also get some lovely transphobia on the top! /s

c) again. let me reiterate. a butch lesbian who transitions to become a “straight man” is not going to suddenly have an easier time. certain aspects of her existence may, in fact, be easier! but other aspects will be much much harder. there’s no get-out-of-homophobia-free card, oh my god. i don’t know what fantasy world some of you are living in where everyone who hates gay people is magically fine with trans people? if people don’t like you being gay, they PROBABLY aren’t going to like you being trans either!

d) lesbians can and do, and have been doing and will continue to do, “transition.” transition is in quotes here because i don’t mean “become men.” i mean that lesbians can do things like take testosterone and get top surgery and use pronouns other than she/her without thinking of themselves as men, and while continuing to think of themselves as lesbians. read stone butch blues. this Just Happens. it’s just another way of exhibiting gender nonconformity! if your stance is “wait lesbians can’t do that” i’m sorry because we literally are it Just Happens

d1) this includes trans women. trans lesbians can also be nonbinary and/or use pronouns other than she/her and do basically anything afab lesbians can. this isn’t my main point, and i’m hesitant to expand because i am not affected by transmisogyny and don’t want to overstep. this post is focused on afab people because it’s drawn from my personal experience, but it’s important to me that y’all know that trans women are not excluded from this narrative.

d2) this isn’t limited to lesbians, either. bi women, for example, also have complex and personal relationships with gender. again, this post is drawn from my own experiences and i am hesitant to expand re: bi women because i know less about their personal experiences. but they are not excluded from this either.

e) HOWEVER. any and all lesbians who “transition” in this way, so long as they still identify as lesbians, ARE STILL LESBIANS. men cannot be lesbians. this means trans men cannot be lesbians. but lesbians who use he/him pronouns or do any of the other things i mentioned are NOT MEN if they don’t identify as men. trans men and he/him lesbians in particular get conflated a lot - but we aren’t the same! we are not the same; he/him lesbians aren’t trying to imply that all trans men are secretly women/lesbians, nor are they trying to imply that men can be lesbians, because lesbians who do these things are not men.

f) why might lesbians “transition” in this way, then, if they aren’t men? well quite frankly it’s none of your business. but generally it’s very simple: because using different pronouns, or going on testosterone, or having top surgery, or etc etc, makes them more comfortable. lesbianism, and butch lesbianism in specific, is deeply about gender nonconformity. saying that you can’t be a lesbian and do any of the things i’ve been listing doesn’t make sense - where do you draw the line? at what point are you trying to define where someone is “too masculine to be a lesbian?” and why do you feel the need to do that?

g) “but are lesbians doing this because of internalized and external misogyny?” look. i won’t lie. it’s POSSIBLE. misogyny is a hell of a drug. but 1) doing these things won’t let you escape misogyny just like it won’t let you escape homophobia; we’ve been over this and 2) the process of questioning your gender is a deeply convoluted and often torturous thing and i can almost guarantee to you that if you’re thinking “is this person really trans/nonbinary/etc or are they just suffering from internalized misogyny?” that that person has probably also had that conversation with themself a thousand times. i don’t think some of y’all realize how long and gnarly questioning can be. we cover our bases, guys. we examine the nuances. transitioning isn’t a snap decision.

g.5) questioning is not always long and gnarly. if your questioning process was very short, hey, good for you! i’m not trying to invalidate your experiences. i’m just saying that It Can Be and It Often Is.

h) certain celebrities who have recently come out have not, to my knowledge, even specified that they no longer identify as a lesbian, despite, for example, using he/him or they/them pronouns. as we’ve been over, these things can coexist. so saying shit like “it’s so tragic that lesbophobia made so-and-so transition” is not only repulsive and disgusting, it’s also completely unfounded!

h.5) that said, even IF certain celebrities who have recently come out no longer identify as a lesbian - okay! so what! lesbians aren’t an endangered species being encroached upon by The Evil Transes. again: we’ve been over this. lesbians and trans men can and do coexist. if someone who formerly identified as a lesbian says they are a trans man, it’s probably because they are. there is not a shortage of lesbians in the world. we are not flocking en masse to transmanhood.

i) if your hot take is “i feel sorry for the lesbian partner of this former lesbian icon who is now transitioning because the Lesbophobes and Misogynists and Evil Trans Rights Activists ganged up on their spouse to make them transition,” i kindly invite you to ~block me~

source: i’m literally a lesbian. and also one of those lesbians who does transitional activities. and also a person with critical thinking skills

#max.txt #long post #sj #god how the fuck do i tag this. im sorry followers for just dumping this on your dash but i saw some bullshit today and i am angy.#ok to rb #(also ok to like. talk to me abt this if you disagee with something or have something to add? im not the end all be all expert on this)#(as long as you are coming to me in good faith im willing to discuss)#he/him lesbians

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imaginedigimon · 4 years

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u got any lgbtq+ hcs for any of the main 12 adventure and 02 kids?

🤔 Hmm...

Now Anon, I’m warning you: I’m probably not going to give you what you want for this. But I’m going to try.

I REALLY HOPE I DON’T FUCK THIS UP, FRIENDS *stressing out a bit I will not lie*

LGBTQ+ Headcanons for 01 + 02 Gang

Tai [Taichi]

Doesn’t know the meaning of the word “straight” except in terms of line segments in math (but even then, he’s a little lost)

He probably saw the pride flag for the first time when he was 14 and because it reminded him of the Crests thought, “I CAN GET BEHIND THAT”

When he learned the real meaning of pride and the LGBTQ+ community, he was even more ecstatic

Has definitely beaten up some homophobes before

And transphobes

He’s beaten up a lot of people in general

Realized after a while that he’s pansexual himself and started painting his face with the pan flag everyday

Will not deny that he has a thing for Matt and Sora at the same time and is happy if they’re happy but would really like to kiss them both pls

Matt [Yamato]

He most certainly questioned his own gender for a while, though he can’t pinpoint when it started

Gabumon told him it didn’t matter what he identified as, they’d always be partners anyway, so that really helped him a lot

It also helped that Tai was willing to beat people’s asses for him

Has also beaten up some homophobes and transphobes (Tai has been the one to drag him away from some fights)

Wears pins of all the pride flags at all times because fuck you haters

Also would like to kiss Tai, just like once or twice or a million times

Identifies as bisexual most likely

Sora

Doesn’t mention it a lot, but Mimi was probably her first kiss (by accident...OR WAS IT?)

She was the type of person who, because she grew up in a very hetero-normative world, wasn’t sure what it meant to like a girl

Probably asked Tai when she was 15 and still thinking about Mimi’s hair and lips when he explained to her that it was perfectly normal

She never forgot that conversation

Has continuously questioned her identity and orientation throughout the years, though only Biyomon has been privy to this struggle

Finally settled on saying she’s queer because she’s not much for labels (especially when she’s in a constant state of questioning)

Definitely asked Mimi to kiss her again just so it wouldn’t be an accident

Izzy [Koshiro]

Always a kid before his time, knew how to explain all aspects of pride to everyone else before they even knew what the LGBTQ+ community was

Has PowerPoints to make things clearer

Around age 17 or 18, he started asking that everyone use he/him or they/them pronouns, and this hasn’t changed since

Everyone said “a’ight” because they love him no matter what

Has always had some kind of romantic feelings for just about everyone in the group, but nothing beyond that

This poor sweetie pie cried the night he realized he was asexual and called Joe, who said in the most intense voice he’d ever heard, “You think that matters to us? We love you, Izzy, and don’t you ever forget that”

Has decided Joe is the coolest guy ever

Started some social media account where it’s nothing but pictures of Tai with various pride symbols painted on his face and it’s blown up

Mimi

Unlike Sora, she didn’t think much about the kiss

She had already accepted that she liked girls by that point

Definitely had a crush on Yolei too, though she played it cool

YOU CANNOT TELL ME SHE DIDN’T CONSIDER MEIKO HER TRUE LOVE

Teases Izzy a lot because she has a bit of a crush on him too, though this confused her because she thought she liked girls

The day she learned the term homoflexible she thought she was dreaming

But she wasn’t

Still, Sora and Yolei and Meiko are her girls and she loves them very dearly

Has the same enthusiasm as Tai and paints the various flags on her face as well (became part of that social media account Izzy started)

You can catch her and Tai at a pride parade screaming at the top of their lungs

Joe [Jou/Jyou]

I’ll admit, he’s probably the token straight? But he’s also one of those guys who’s not afraid to tell Matt he looks handsome today

Has needed to ask Izzy a lot of questions because he’s like me and wants to know and not offend anyone because he’s ignorant or doesn’t know something

Had a moment similar to me where he wondered if he really was straight

Decided he still was, but would support anyone and everyone because that’s just the guy he is

You know how he becomes a doctor? He most CERTAINLY helps with transitioning whenever he can because he’s a GOOD. DOCTOR.

Doesn’t beat up haters, but gives them a death glare that’s just as effective

Wore around a rainbow doctor’s coat because he COULD and no one tried to stop him because they knew he’d quit on the spot

Takeru [T.K.]

Been the guy to say “respect LGBTQ+ rights or die by my sword” or something like that

Lowkey had a crush on Angemon and Angewomon simulanteously and could NOT for the life of him explain why that was

Never told either of them this though

Or Kari

Definitely didn’t tell Kari

Okay yes, Tai is his big brother, but he definitely had a crush on the guy for about 2 weeks before he met Kari and everything changed

Hasn’t told either of them this

Like Sora, has only said he identifies as queer - he’d like to figure it out/delve deeper but is too busy flirting with everyone to care

Brings 5 different dates to his brother’s concerts at the same time and they all have to vie for his attention - it’s usually whoever says the most positive things about his brother

Has done at least 6 drag shows so far and let me tell you - KILLS IT every time

Kari is his forever girl but keeps winking at Ken just to make him blush

Kari [Hikari]

Also had a crush on Angewomon like how could she NOT

Also had crushes on Matt, Izzy, Mimi, and Sora (but not Joe for some reason)

When she realized her feelings for T.K. she got really really nervous (because of all his dates, you see)

Was also confused because she was pretty confused about her range of crushes over the years

Tai came out as pan to her first and she realized that sounded a lot like her

She’s a pan baby and she’s proud of it (and thanks her brother for supporting her)

Gave a rainbow pin to T.K. for his birthday and in return he kissed her

They go to ALL the pride events and nothing can stop them

Occasionally uses they/them pronouns on days she’s questioning

Davis [Daisuke]

Tai was his first love and you cannot change my mind about this

Meeting Kari was like meeting a Tai Who Would Notice Him and that was pretty rad

But he also likes her because of her, too

The world kinda stopped when he met Ken, though

Like damn, look at those soccer skills

I’m gonna be real, I think Davis is soccersexual (or footballsexual for non-Muricans)

Them soccer players be really hot though

Always has questions about the community, but never retains the answers

The PowerPoints, unfortunately, do not help

Eventually gave up and said, “I’M A DUMBASS BUT I SUPPORT YOU ALL”

They tried to tell him he should at least know what he’s talking about

(We’re still working on that)

Wears rainbow shirts with rainbow pants and it’s very atrocious but very appreciated

He is gay. He sometimes does crimes. We accept him anyway.

[T.K. asked him if he wanted to go to a drag show, he said “okay?” and really really loved it now he goes all the time]

Yolei [Miyako]

Mimi is hot, Ken is hot, Kari is hot, Matt’s kinda hot, everyone’s hot

She’s never been able to fully accept this because how is everyone so hot

Mimi was her first love, and Ken was her first boyfriend

She never forgot the firsts

Attracted to any and everyone it seems

She likes to call herself a frying pan and it makes everyone facepalm a little bit

Constantly dresses in the colors on the pan flag because she looks GOOD in them and it’s a way to remind everyone not to mess with her or her community

Tries to pretend she doesn’t know Mimi and Tai when she’s at a pride event and they’re out here acting like fools

But she also loves how unerringly supportive they are

Cody [Iori]

He was the first one everyone came out to, like for some reason he’s that guy

Literally the first person to offer you support

One day he told everyone he was transgender, and while they were surprised, they also didn’t react the way he was expecting

They actually hugged him immediately and said, “But don’t worry we love love love you” and Tai started painting the trans flag on Cody’s face until Cody said, “Guys please fuck off for a sec”

When he becomes a lawyer, he becomes the type of lawyer to defend anyone who was arrested on basis of race/identity/orientation/gender like the boss he is

Suspects he might be ace but hasn’t really delved into it much

He’s too busy scolding Davis for doing dumb things

Ken

Can everyone stop being hot for a sec? -direct quote from Ken himself

He’s in love with all the 02 kids and he’s accepted this

Yolei somehow stole his heart, but T.K.’s winks send it aflutter

He wants them both to stop (but they won’t)

Was completely unaware that Davis also liked him (even though it was really obvious?)

He identifies as bi and, like Izzy, uses they/them pronouns interchangeably with he/him

One of the good detectives on the force. Will bust your ass if you say any offensive slurs about anyone. [Has gotten suspended a few times for doing this BUT IT WAS FUCKING WORTH IT.]

Always the one on duty when Davis gets arrested for his crimes and it’s hecka exhausting

---------

Uhm... did I do good? I’ll admit, I was a little nervous since I myself am straight and cisgender (or cishet, as I’ve learned is the term) 😥 😥

Anon, I really do hope I did a good job!

And if I didn’t you can roast me in the flames of Meramon Hell

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pentanguine · 4 years

Text

1. Do you use any other terms to define or explain your gender?

So…I got a little carried away. Most of these posts will not be this long, but I had a lot I wanted to say, and a long drizzly afternoon to work on saying it, so.

Aside from genderqueer, trans, and nonbinary…

I’ve started feeling more at home with the word transmasculine this year, after several years of circling it warily and ultimately running away because it would just be ALL TOO SHOCKING. Other people interpret transmasculine in a wide variety of ways, many of which make me deeply uncomfortable (eg “Transmasc = physically transitioning in all the same ways trans men usually do;” “Transmasc = trans man but woke about it;” “Transmasc = I have aligned myself against women and forsaken feminism and I love asserting my dominant gender role”), and voluntarily using a word that’s ripe for misinterpretation made my control-obsessed brain fuck right off.

But ultimately it’s not really about using words (what does that even mean? putting them in your tumblr bio? buying the pride flag?) so much as knowing, however privately, that you are a thing. And I’m transmasculine! It’s a word that feels comfortable, and homey, and exciting. Other people who use that word sound like me! They look like me, and they look how I want to look! I get such a blooming, leaping, light-filled feeling in my chest when I see these people, because I instinctively feel that these are People Like Me. I recognize myself in their experiences of gender, and sometimes I feel like my whole body’s going to shake apart with a euphoria that’s like being on fire. Every time I read something by Daniel M. Lavery I end up rolling around on the floor in paroxysms of delight and Feeling Seen, and my brain lights up like a fireworks display when I see awkward bi men with curly brown hair and glasses. There is still a little part of my brain that’s convinced referring to myself as transmasc will make everyone deeply disappointed in me, and obligate me to go out and befriend a footballer named Chad, but I’ve been casually referring to myself that way since May in semi-public venues and the sky hasn’t fallen in yet.

Transmasc feels like a useful word for me because it makes me feel more settled. I think a lot of times nonbinary gender is simplified to gender neutrality (which it is for some people!), while for me it’s more like a stewing mess full of things that don’t make coherent sense in anyone’s mind but my own. So I can like masculine words and gender presentations, and that doesn’t mean I’m equating neutrality with masculinity, and I can also express my gender in the numerous non-masc ways that feel natural to me while still having that anchor to come back to. Ultimately, I think it just means that I have a more meaningful relationship with masculinity than I have with femininity, neutrality, or androgyny, and that I’m deliberately moving in a more masc-coded direction that the one I started out. And that’s it!

The other big gender-conceptualization-thing that I’ve been thinking a lot about is the complicated muddle of doubleness and inversion that I feel between gender identity, gender presentation, sexuality, and gender expression. I don’t feel bigender, because that sounds like I have two discrete gender experiences sitting side by side, and I’m not genderfluid, because it’s not like my gender actually changes, but I do feel like I’m part woman-affiliated agender person, and part genderqueer guy with the genderqueer dialed up to eleven and the guy dialed down to two. Part of me feels apart from gender, but nebulously attached to queer ideas of womanhood (lesbian! spinster! middle school girl at a sleepover who promises to love her friends more than any passing crush!), and then part of me feels apart from gender, but like I picked Guy Gender to steal for myself and imitate and relentlessly queer by virtue of not taking it seriously enough. But it’s all mixed together, you know? Like paint swirling on a palette, or light bringing out iridescence on fish scales. Sometimes it will be more like one thing, sometimes more like another, but it’s always whole and completely intertwined.

Earlier this year a Miriam Zoila Perez quote about being a faggy butch was going around, and man, that gave me a lot of gender feelings. I first encountered the term fairy butch on this old blog called The Butchelor, and while I loved it then, I didn’t use it because of a radfem-induced trepidation that it was all an elaborate joke everyone understood but me. I also have an extremely annoyed relationship to the word butch, because I’m not butch at all, and I doubt anyone else would think I am, but this seems to be the only word anyone is capable of using to describe queer masculinity. It’s like other people are determined to smash you into yet another binary (ironically, a binary that’s jealously guarded by the same people who keep enfolding you in it) because you’re afab and like wearing ties. It’s annoying!

But the phrase fairy butch just seems so delightful to me, because it’s whimsical and complex, and also so genderfucky. I’m not masculine in any of the ways that usually cohere to the word butch—I don’t have the interests, or the mannerisms, or the sexual propensities or the haircut or the total dislike for anything feminine-coded (why is masculinity always all or nothing, and all about absence?). I love my socks with the sparkly pink foxgloves, I love smiling (why must men never smile?), I like sitting with my legs crossed and talking with my hands. I’m not feminine, I’m effeminate. I’m a double invert, gay for women and gay for men, a too-boyish-“woman” who doubles right back around as a too-feminine-“man.” Maybe I’m not a butch, or even a (faggy) butch, but dammit I’m a fairy/butch. Two queers in one, two inextricable, contradicting queernesses that complicate and complement and mitigate and enhance each other.

The idea that I’ve been slowly winding towards is that contradiction is part of my gender. It’s not something that’s going to get smoothed out one day when I find The Perfect Word, and the questioning and revisiting isn’t going to end when I reach The Final Stage of Transition or whatever. I read an article a few weeks ago that nebulously cited Jack Halberstam as saying “refusal to resolve my gender ambiguity has become a kind of identity for me,” and that’s something that resonates with me so, so much. I don’t have to make myself neat and appropriate for consumption, because my gender doesn’t exist at the mercy of other people’s understanding. I’m not a problem that has yet to be shoved into a “woman-aligned” or “nonvir” box, I just am. Sitting amidst the dissonance of things that other people tell me are impossible to feel at the same time is my identity. I never want to cohere.

It reminds me of the way I feel about historical figures like Katharine Hepburn and Daphne DuMaurier, who were definitely genderqueer as fuck, but also closeted to the outside world for their entire lives, and unclassifiable in modern terminology. They were real, complex people who existed, and are now gone! It would be really weird to assign them a coherent identity, like “Hepburn was a nonbinary trans man” or “DuMaurier was genderfluid” or what-have-you, when all you have are decontextualized fragments of their gender feelings. (I feel comfortable calling them genderqueer because that can be used as an adjective to describe cis people who queer gender, which they definitely did)

Anyway: I feel very deeply connected to these people, and the way they saw themselves as being boys, or like-men, or men-in-certain-contexts, or men-and-women, or women-who-wanted-to-be-men. But the thing is, wherever they may have wanted to go, they never arrived. Would Hepburn have preferred to be known professionally as Jimmy, gone by he/him pronouns in all areas of life, and identified as a proud trans man? Barring some spectacular archival discovery, we’ll never know, because that was never a viable option in Hepburn’s lifetime. And that space of possibly-wanting, but not-arriving, feels like a destination to me. That gap, between wanting and actualization, or fantasizing and pursuing, or playing around and Identifying As, feels like it is part of my experience of gender. I’m not a man, I’m a woman-who-wants-to-be-a-man. There has to be that distance, and that wanting.

I’ve gone on for an absurd amount of time here, but ultimately: I’m queer! My gender is queer! Some people are men, some people are women, and I’m a queer.

#gqid asks #it occurs to me now that i've spent over an hour writing this out that most of this is stuff i've talked about before #admittedly usually in the tags here on tumblr or else very hesitantly one on one with friends #but still! i started writing this full of self-conscious trepidation and then by the time i'd finished i was like #'i don't think any of this is new information to any of your rl friends. genuinely this is not ALL TOO SHOCKING'#and that was a nice thing to realize because it makes me feel less like i hoard my entire sense of self under a rock #maybe sometimes i communicate with people i care about and that is good and fine #personal #it's a blustery autumn night here and dry leaves are whirling against the windows and rasping over the roof

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nerdygaymormon · 5 years

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What are your thoughts/hopes on the resurrection to make you straight or cisgender in the next life?

Why is it always LGBTQ people will transformed at the resurrection, like it's a given that we’re the broken ones? When people say in a hopeful way that I’ll be straight, it’s like they want to love me out of existence. It also means if I hurry & die, I can become what God wants. Not exactly a healthy message. How would these cisgender straight people feel being told if they deny themselves of the greatest blessings & happiness in this life, they have a chance at getting to be in a gay partnership for eternity and everything that goes with it? Or they will finally become a gender that they don’t identify with? Doesn’t sound so appealing, does it? Resurrection, as I understand it, isn’t fundamentally changing the core of who I am, it’s a perfecting of it. I work at becoming more Christlike in how I love & interact w/ others and at helping the marginalized. Denying my core attributes & gifts doesn’t help me in that process. There’s been a few quotes from church leaders saying no one was queer in the pre-mortal life, and no one will be queer in post-mortal life. I can understand why they like this. They don’t have to seek for what heaven looks like for us, they don’t have to figure out how all this diversity fits into God’s Plan. They can be comfortable with the suffering of LGBTQ people in this life and not feel responsible for making things better, this problem will just work itself out in the next life. But if queerness is something that must be fixed by the Atonement, there should be some evidence of this in the scriptures. But there’s nothing saying that LGBTQ people don’t go to heaven. It’s not in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the Doctrine & Covenants nor the Pearl of Great Price. The closest we get is the Family Proclamation, and even there, it just affirms cisgender heterosexual individuals without addressing the rest of us. There’s a multitude of scriptures that all are alike unto God, that all are privileged and none forbidden. God doesn’t have a list of different groups of people that aren’t allowed into heaven. It seems to be humans who insist on playing the game of who is in and who is out. Plus, it fundamentally alters our understanding of the resurrection. In order to erase our queerness, people are ignoring the teachings about the resurrection which talks about restoring the soul with the body. It doesn’t say that the soul and body will be rebuilt with a new foundation and change of character. “That same spirit which doth possess your bodies at the time that ye go out of this life, that same spirit will have power to possess your body in that eternal world.” Alma 34:34. What I turn over of myself to God is going to be what He works with. Which only seems fair, I’ve been doing just that in this life, doing my best with what He gave me, and that includes being queer. I wish straight people could understand how once I was out and being myself, how happy being gay makes me. There’s a reason we talk about being “authentic” to describe how we feel when we stop fighting our nature. Maybe they’d view it less of a sin/trial and more of a positive thing. My orientation shapes the way I view the world and how I understand myself. It colors so many aspects of my world, not just who I find attractive, but how I love, socialize, and many other things, it’s intertwined completely with who I am. So much of how I understand me is tied up in that. I’d be trading one filter that colors everything for a different filter. The thing is, growing up in a heteronormative society and being skilled at hiding my orientation when I was in the closet, I’m pretty sure I know what that straight filter makes the world look like, and it’s not any better, and in some ways is worse, than what I get as a gay man. If there is sexuality in heaven, then why would the diversity that are part of God's creation in mortality suddenly go away? If we’re all made in God’s image, then I’m one aspect of that and people can learn about God by getting to know me, and lesbians, and trans and bi people. The idea of resurrection is we’ll all be restored to a perfect state. Who says that being LGBTQ is not compatible with that? I like to think I’ll be perfectly gay, whatever that means.

#my answer to that question #queerstake

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 5 years

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glowstone replied to your post “In case you forgot, the q slur is still a slur. Reclaim it as an...”

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels the q slur is still a slur. Op is I'm comfortable being called such and many other people are as well. It's historically a slur and still is to this day and many people are still called it. Just because you live in a blue state where it's being reclaimed doesn't mean everyone does. Your experiences are not universal. Think about how people who live in the south feel being called that when the only times they have heard it b4 was being shouted at

not sure how to link two replies on the same post yet...

Well first of all, congratulations. You had to do some research on my blog to find out I currently live in a blue state, since I don’t mention that on my blog profile or about page. I appreciate it when people go through my entire blog finding out things about me so they can give me a “proper take down.” Here’s your gold star.

Here’s the thing, glowstone. You’re seventeen. And I well remember being seventeen, being full of fire, full of salt and vengeance, and ready to take on the world and thinking I knew everything. I hope you never lose that fire and that determination, because they’re wonderful things. And I hope you never stop trying to challenge people when you think that they’re mistaken or being hurtful.

But you are also seventeen. And you have a lot to learn.

I have literally gotten a degree studying queer literature. That is what my degree is in. That is what I spent an entire year doing research on for my final, culmination-of-my-entire-degree presentation. And as I pointed out, academia does not use slurs for the titles of their courses. I was not comparing racism to transphobia or homophobia, I was using it as an example of how academia does not use slurs as the titles of courses. A slur is a slur is a slur, no matter which demographic that slur might be aimed at, and so it’s a perfectly apt example.

I would consider actually doing research on queer history (yes, that is what it is called, you do not speak to LGBT Professors, you speak to “Professors of Queer Studies,” I don’t know how much more obvious I can be here). I think it would really open your eyes to how the word is being used.

Here are some links to book recs to help you start.

I would also be careful to put me or anyone in a box because “I live in a blue state.” I spent many years living in the Midwest, and in Florida. I have also traveled extensively, and while tumblr does tend to be very U.S.-centric, around the world queer is not considered the slur that you feel it is. In the Netherlands, for instance, it’s a perfectly accepted word by the community. People reclaim queer all over the country, all over the world, and the academic label of “queer studies” is universal.

As I said in my original post, if a person is not comfortable with being called queer, then that’s fine! All they have to do is say so. Just like I would tell someone I’m not comfortable being called pan because I feel that I’m bi. Pan doesn’t fit me as a label.

I would talk to queer people of color as well, people who are genderfluid, trans, etc, and not just people your age but older people too. I would specifically talk to activists, lawyers, academics, people who study and defend our community for a living. They are, in my experience, the ones calling themselves queer and they’re also (how fascinating) the ones people tell to “check themselves” and that “q is a slur and you can’t use it.”

It’s almost as if there are people in our community who are using “q is a slur” to silence the nonbinary, the noncis, the nonwhite, and so on. I’m not saying that you are doing that, not at all, dear glowstone, but I would do some research and ask around. Acephobia, biphobia, transphobia, and so on are alive and well in parts of our community and to police people in our community about using queer smacks strongly of that phobia, of gatekeeping, of “this is how you have to be or you’re not really a part of our community.” There are testimonies of people who say how they embraced queer and the queer community when the gay/lesbian community said they didn’t belong. Those testimonies are even here, on this very website, I’ve seen them.

Queer is a beautiful umbrella term. Some people are sitting here thinking, “I’m asexual genderfluid panromantic but wow that’s a lot to explain and I’m still not sure that fully encapsulates myself as an individual human” so they use ‘queer’ instead. I remember a friend talking about how they were treated like a boy by their parents despite being AFAB, and how their relationship with gender has always been rather interesting as a result, but they don’t identify as trans, so they use ‘queer’ instead. I have friends who drift between feeling like they’re demi, ace, and bi, so they use ‘queer’ because they still aren’t sure which box they fall into.

I may be white, and I make no effort to hide that or to hide my ignorance. But I’m not speaking for myself here. I am literally repeating what POC people in my life have told me. I do not quote them directly and am not tagging them, since they have asked not to be, but I am saying what they have said to me dozens of times. I personally feel that as a white person it’s my responsibility to speak up for POC when they are not comfortable or do not feel safe speaking up for themselves. I am repeating to you their words. Their statements. Their chosen identity. Please do not erase them by claiming I am speaking from my point of view, because I’m not.

There are literally articles out there (feel free to look them up I’m starting to feel lazy) that talk about the difference between queer identity and gay/lesbian identity. They talk about why some people are going to identify as queer as opposed to “picking a label.” Gay/lesbian/etc is, frankly, mainstream, and new. And those in our community who have always been on the outside--the people of color, the genderfluid, the trans, and so on--do not appreciate (and have said so repeatedly on tumblr and elsewhere) being policed about this word. Identifying as queer is a cultural movement that is being silenced by our current gay/lesbian framework and it’s not okay.

And frankly? Queer POC are not interested in us white people, especially young white people, telling them they can’t use that word because uwu it’s a slur when queer has been used as the title of a literal cultural movement. Which you would know if you studied... wait for it... Queer History.

Queer is the title of our entire cultural movement, our history, our literature. If you don’t want to use it for yourself, then you don’t have to!

But please, continue your education. Speak to our elders, read articles, contact your local university and ask to speak to the queer studies professors, go to a local queer activist chapter or queer activist lawyer. I personally recommend Dean Spade’s work as a good place to start, he’s a trans activist and professor who is (le gasp) from the south. But there’s a wealth of information out there for you. Please access it. Tumblr is a great space for our community but it is not university, it is not history, it is not the end all be all.

I hope you have a beautiful day, glowstone. Make yourself a nice hot chocolate and take a walk. And everyone else have a beautiful day too.

#glowstone #I'm a little snarky at the beginning but #I just can't help myself #*salty grandma mutterings about kids these days*#can you tell I put my Big Sister Hat on guys?#queer #queer history #lgbtq community #lgbt+ politics

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not-close-to-straight · 6 years

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So I am sorry if this is a rude question but ive been nervous to ask you this What is the difference between being bisexual and pansexual ? Because I know that I like girls and boys but I don't know how to call myself. Again im sorry if this is a rude question

YOU DONT HAVE TO LABEL YOURSELF ANYTHING AT ALL IF YOU DONT WANT.

besides beautiful.

and valid.

those are the only necessary labels.

Also, You can always ask me a question about my sexuality. As long as you arent some homophobic twat looking to start some shit, then any question about my sexuality, or my view on any sexuality is always welcome. I try very hard to keep my blog a LGBT++++++ friendly place, and when Pride Month happens I lose my fucking mind celebrating it.

So yeah. Not a rude question, definitely dont be nervous to ask, keep in mind that you might be asking a question that one of my other followers has been to shy to ask, and having a public answer might help them too!

Please just remember that my definition of bi/pansexuality is my own personal views and might not reflect other peoples opinions and im not saying they or I am right or wrong.

Ok, Ill put my answer under the cut so no one has to scroll through a long ass post if they arent interested lol

Bisexuality at its most simple is being attracted to both girls and boys.

Pansexuality is the potential to be attracted to ANYONE regardless of gender/sexuality.

I tend to think that most bisexuals stick to “conventional” genders when it comes to their attraction, and that might vary from person to person, but most bisexuals I have met/spoken with would say that they like “girls that are girls” and “boys that are boys” meaning that most of them wouldnt necessarily be physically attracted to individuals that are transitioning, or genderfluid people etc etc.

I am not bisexual. I am pansexual, and the easiest way Ive found to describe that to people is that I could be attracted to anyone for any reason, and their gender/genitalia/sexuality literally has no bearing on that.

I like boys and I like girls and I have dated people who are transitioning either way, whether they were pre-during-or post transition. I love genderfluid people because not only are they beautiful ALL THE FUCKING TIME but because its just fun to be with them. Non binary individuals. Androgynous types? Kill me. Some of the most gorgeous people Ive ever laid eyes on.

From an earlier ask I answered about my sexuality—

Into girls. And Guys. And Girls who aren’t sure. And Guys who are nervous about being who they REALLY are. And Boys who kiss Boys and then kiss Girls. And People who don’t want to be attached to a pronoun. I’m into Boys that wear dresses and Girls that only wear flannel. Into People who are able to sleep with anybody, and People who can’t fathom sleeping with anyone ever.I love Girly-girls who wear glitter and Gym girls who can bench press me. Love Boys who can quote every line of Grease and Boys who’ve never watched anything other than Die Hard .I’m into everyone. Every gender. Every skin color. Every nationality.

Everybody kiss everybody.

What it comes down to for me, and for most pansexuals based on personal conversations and general reading— I am attracted to something about you that isnt physical, therefore what you look like/how you identify has nothing to do with my decision to enter a relationship/ask you out/want to sleep with you.

Ive dated Katie because she was the sweetest girl, and then a year later after she transitioned to Kaleb, I dated him because he was so fucking funny. I kissed Megan because Ill be honest, I wasnt sure if she was a boy or girl (turns out she was non binary) but I knew I wanted to kiss them. So I did.

I know I rambled there, and Im sorry if you didnt want to read any of that.

Let me leave you with just one more thing::

FUCK LABELS.

Sometimes we are so concerned with what label “fits” us that we forget to enjoy exploring and experiencing our sexuality. Stressing about “what” you are can just ruin you learning who you are.

And Ill be perfectly honest. Its no ones damn business how you identify. You do not have to announce from the rooftops that you are bi or gay or non binary or any of that. If you want a label for yourself, then by all means find the one that fits you the best and fly your pride flag high! Thats wonderful!

But I can tell you from painful, personal experience, that stressing over how to label your sexuality can be so mentally harmful. I thought I was a lesbian when I was thirteen, then kissed a boy at sixteen and had a crisis because oh fuck was I bi, then? Or maybe I was meant to be a boy, since I so obviously liked girls, so maybe I was trans? or something???

I didnt hear the term pansexual until I was in my early twenties and when I heard it and read about it, I just sobbed because I could finally stop obsessing over what to call myself. I wish I could go back and shake sixteen year old me and tell me to stop crying over it all, over feeling like I didnt know who I was. I should have just been enjoying kissing all the boys and girls I wanted instead of panicking of it.

Remember that sexuality can be fluid as well. Because you consider yourself bi now, doesnt mean that next year you might be leaning more towards only being interested in girls, or only boys. There is no rule saying that once you are (whatever sexuality) that is just what you are and you can never change.

If you havent read it yet, could I suggest reading my #Pride Month fic FLAGS.

Its spideypool, and since Wade is a canonically pansexual character, I wrote Peter as struggling with knowing what his sexuality is and I really used it as a chance to basically say all of this ^^^ but hopefully in a better way because holy shit did I ramble in this lol.

Ill stop now because this has gotten a little out of control.

But seriously– dont ever feel like you cant ask me questions about this sort of thing. I definitely dont have all the answers but I am always willing to share my own experiences and talk with you!

All the love honey.

(LINK TO FLAGS— i think you will enjoy it)

#bisexuality #pansexuality #pride month #you are valid and beautiful

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bluerobokitty · 6 years

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Okay, so I was one of the interviewees for the #LanceIsBi article that just released recently, known as “Shardy”. Given how much the article is being discussed now, I’ve decided to post my entire interview in full to show just how in depth the discussion actually became.

The article barely scratches the surface of the issue of the bisexual treatment in fandom, this is true. However, as someone who has been screaming into the void about this for a solid year and a half now, it was nice to finally have a platform on which to speak.

This whole thing started because the #LanceIsBi movement gained so much traction to the point of trending on Twitter. The editors of Den of Geek grew curious and wanted to look at why such a thing happened. Remember, not nearly as many people are involved with VLD discourse. Our fandom’s discourse so multi-layered and so complicated, people on the outside can’t really see it unless they become involved themselves. As far as DoG was concerned, this was just a fandom thirsty for bi representation.

My quotes about it being mostly for a shipwar are not used within the article, but that would be an entire article on its own. However, this article did focus on how fans do queerbait themselves and others, the importance of separating fanon from canon, and real bisexual representation comes from the characters, not background colors and jokes by voice actors. I’m not gonna toss the baby out with the bathwater here - that’s a pretty good start.

So without further ado, here is my interview. It was conducted via Twitter DMs back in October, but for ease of reading, I formatted the interview to post here. It’s a very long post, so if your “read more” function doesn’t work on your phone, I apologize.

What’s your name? (You don’t have to give me your full name if you aren’t comfortable.) You also don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but if you’re willing to say so, how do you identify?

My name is Shardy and I identify as a bisexual female.

How long have you been a Voltron fan?

I’ve been a Voltron fan since Legendary defender first aired. I never had the chance to watch the original as a child, but I had friends who were super into it so when the reboot happened, I decided to check it out.

How do you interact with the Voltron fandom? Do you write fic? Post fanart? Discuss the series online? Whatever!

I interact as much as I can through fanfic, artwork and zines, I’m trying my hand at making merch, and I’m always discussing the series on Twitter or Discord from meta and worldbuilding to theories and ships.

Why do you see Lance as bisexual when the show hasn’t expressly said that he is?

So when I started headcanoning Lance as bisexual, I saw bisexual Lance headcanons making their way around fandom since day one. By then, fandom was pretty small and it was obvious that he was mostly headcanoned as bisexual for shipping purposes. Which, I really don’t mind, so long as people are respectful about it. I hadn’t entirely embraced my own bisexual label yet, I was still confused about a lot of things. But then I see this guy in this show who clearly prefers the opposite gender, but if he were bisexual, maybe it would be because he’s nervous around his own gender? Maybe he doesn’t know how to approach dudes like that? Maybe he doesn’t want to risk humiliating and outing himself by hitting on a straight guy? And I realized that was MY experience. That’s exactly how I felt around other women. Nervous, scared, maybe I should just stick to guys since it’s safer, makes me less vulnerable.

Lance is my favorite character because he’s closest to me in personality, so I projected a lot of experiences onto him. Of course, I relate to all the other characters in lots of different ways, too, but Lance is a bit special to me when it comes to my sexuality. I really used him in my fanfic to explore my own sexuality, and that’s the case for a lot of women in fandom, really. I know that he is thus far explicitly straight in canon, but the beauty of fandom and transformative works is that we don’t always have to strictly follow canon. So long as you don’t start insisting that such things are canon, because that’s when you start to queerbait yourself and see things that aren’t there, and if you base your expectations like that, you’ll only disappoint yourself in the show if not hate it. Which I’m starting to see a lot of people in fandom do.

This is why I am so incredibly bothered by #LanceIsBi movement. Which I will get to here in a minute because this movement stems from a much bigger problem that’s been festering in fandom for over the past year.

Do you think the series will ever openly confirm Lance is bisexual? How will you feel if they do or don’t?

I don’t think Lance was ever meant to be bisexual. I think he was always meant to end up with a girl (my money’s on Allura given the events of these past two seasons lol). It would be cool, though. I would like to see a little arc dedicated to him coming to terms with his attraction for his own gender, too. Because that’s what bisexual representation is all about. Coming to terms being someone attracted to multiple genders. And accepting that it doesn’t make you confused or broken or prone to cheating or anything else people who don’t understand bisexuality try to throw at us. Embracing our label. Even if Lance were to end up with a girl in the end, that would still be good representation because it’s never about the gender of our partner but our experiences and growing with our identity.

Unfortunately, people just don’t really accept bisexuals in different gender relationships most of the time. There was this huge blowup in fandom earlier this year about that. I’m a bisexual cis woman but I married and had a child with a cis man. It doesn’t sit well with a lot of people, so I get told a lot that I don’t really count as a queer. It looks invalidating. I think it’s because a lot of people think bisexual issues and homosexual issues are the same thing, and while we overlap in some things, our needs and our issues are not the same at all. We are two unique sexualities with our unique issues. I’ve been having quite a time trying to educate people about that ever since I came out.

So I don’t really blame the producers and the crew at all for not wanting to open that particular can of worms. It would be amazing if they did anyway, and a great opportunity, but if they don’t want to deal with that blowback, then that’s completely understandable. So if Lance is explicitly straight all the way through the series, I don’t have an issue with it.

Why do fans, particularly with Voltron, read so many of the characters as LGBT when there is very little if any canonical evidence in the series itself that they are? I know it isn't just Lance being bi. I've seen people Keith as gay, Pidge as trans, etc.

I think a lot of fandom headcanons the Voltron characters as LGBT+ because with so little representation out there, of course we would take matters into our hands. The producers of Voltron also worked on Legend of Korra, which we know ends with a bisexual girl/girl couple, so I think there’s an expectation that Voltron will do the same thing. Shiro and Keith obviously have a very intimate relationship. Lots of shoulder touching. There’s a million reasons from shipping to seeing ourselves in these characters that make us headcanon them as different sexualities. Tumblr in particular has always been attractive as an LGBT+ space so that’s why such headcanons are prevalent there.

How did you first hear about the #LanceIsBi movement? What about the whole #LanceIsBi thing appeals to you?

Alrighty, here’s the thing about the #LanceIsBi movement that super bothers me as a bisexual.

It’s not really about the headcanon. People are allowed to headcanon whatever they please, for whatever reason. That I have no problem with.

The #LanceIsBi movement came about because Jeremy Shada said that Lance’s milkshakes brings everybody to the yard. This is nothing against Shada, I assume he was just joking about how handsome Lance actually is – which he is! Lance is a really pretty guy, he has a better skincare routine than I do. So of course, it’s not a stretch to say that other people than just the ladies are attracted to him, that’s just how good-looking he is. But to take that as confirmation that someone is bisexual… that’s not how bisexuality works. It’s not about who’s attracted to you. It’s about YOU being attracted to two or more genders and how YOU deal with that. And what we seen in canon is that Lance is very much only attracted to women. As of right now, there is no bisexual story there.

It just really takes away from what real bisexual representation is, like I mentioned earlier, being about Lance’s personal issues as he comes to terms with this identity of his. Or even just him saying “Hey, I’m bisexual” or “I also like dudes, but here’s why I’m not as confident around them.” It doesn’t really have to be that deep, you know, I don’t need him to rehearse a whole documentary on bisexuality in order for it to be good representation. It makes it about HIM. About his character growth. HIS story. That’s what matters.

One issue with bisexuals (and I assume it’s not so different with pansexuals and aroaces from what I’ve seen) is that it feels like our identities have to be determined by OTHER people. Are we queer enough? Are we oppressed enough? Are we not with a different gender partner? Our own voices are never enough and it’s exhausting. Lance being confirmed bisexual is because of a joke by his voice actor. The colors of the scenery behind him. Because of multiple genders being attracted to him instead of the other way around. But it’s not his own character that confirms his identity. That bothers me. It infuriates me.

Added to that, fandom tends to blow things way out of proportion. They queerbait themselves a lot because they twist things around because they want their headcanons (specifically their ships) to be canon that bad. I’ve seen people new to fandom say they got into the show because they heard about this bisexual guy being awesome is a cast member only to find out that there’s this guy being awesome who is explicitly not bisexual at all. It’s awful seeing that kind of disappointment. Had I not been in Legendary Defender fandom since day 1, I probably would have fallen for that trap, too. I love this show so, so much and fandom makes it look like the crew is delivering something that isn’t there at all, and they’re even taking the heat for it. Lance is being held up as a bisexual icon next to actual, canon bisexual characters from other fandoms and that’s just… not right. Because once again, it’s not about his character, it’s only about what fandom wants. And non-fans come into this show with these expectations of seeing something that isn’t there.

And if Lance were bi, and if he still ended up with a female character, I know for a fact fandom would not be accepting of that. A lot of people would be, for sure, and it would be great to have that kind of support, but there’s a lot of people out there who won’t and then the whole “bi-het” debate starts up again. And it’s a debate that affects a lot of bisexuals in real life.

This whole movement, taking a joke as canon confirmation of Lance being bisexual, just feels like fandom actually doesn’t care about bisexual issues and representation. They only like it because they feel canonly validated shipping Lance with another male character because there’s this really weird attitude in fandom right now that all your headcanons must be canon in order to be valid. It’s very transparent, and very upsetting. It makes light of bisexuality, turns it into a shipping tool, and completely forgets what fandom is all about in the first place.

First off I just wanted to thank you for being so open and honest with all of this. These are fantastic observations on the whole thing and you really nailed a lot of things I was interested in asking about. Do you think fans would be better off seeking out shows/other pieces of media that feature canonical bisexual characters? Or do you feel as though people want that in their favorite shows regardless? Or to put that question another way, there are other shows out there with confirmed LGBTQIA (and anyone else I missed, nonbinary etc.) characters. Why focus on a character that, so far, can only be headcanoned as bi? Is it just fans REALLY wanting an LGBTQIA character in their favorite show? Why put so much expectations on this one specific show when, admittingly, all of TV has lot of work to do when it comes to representation?

When it comes to for the specific demand that Lance be bisexual, it boils down to a ship war. I’m sure you already know, our fandom is pretty notorious now with our ship wars and how far certain shippers will go to have their ship be canon confirmed. It’s pretty messy, and there are a few factors at play here.

Like I said earlier, a lot of fandom really doesn’t care about actual bisexual representation. Those of us who ship Lance with someone else such as Shiro or Allura, we can get some pretty heated comments. So when things pop up like #LanceIsBi, it’s a little transparent. I remember before S2 came out, fandom lost its mind when an interview said that Keith and Allura were gonna have moments together (whether platonic or romantic, it wasn’t clear at the time and could be interpreted either way). A lot of Gay Pride Keith edits came out and the whole thing was pretty ugly and, dare I say, misogynistic in tone because how dare Keith have a meaningful relationship with a woman even if that relationship is not romantic. And when a lot of Kallura shippers were like “well, we think Keith is bi or pan” (asexual Keith headcanons are also pretty popular with Keith fans), we’re immediately fired back with how that doesn’t matter, we’re just using bi/pansexuality as a copout, we’re actually homophobic, etc.

So when one character is heavily headcanoned to be bisexual but other characters are not allowed to have that same headcanon, it’s pretty telling. And I think it has to do with stereotypes. Lance is flirty and flamboyant and extroverted, maybe a bit promiscuous, so of course he must be bisexual. Keith is the stereotypical emo gay, skinny with some muscle, tight pants, weird hair. And once these headcanons are popularized, the rest of fandom is bombarded with them with no room for argument. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone admit to headcanoning Lance as something other than bi, and anyone who says they don’t headcanon Keith as gay (I am one of them) is met with hostility.

It’s not something I’ve ever seen in fandom before, at least not to this extent and I’ve been involved in online fandom for the past fifteen or so years now. Sure, there’s always been ship wars, there’s always been people being nasty to each other over fictional characters, but it feels different these days. It’s a different type of fandom wank. There’s a different attitude here.

I’m wondering if it has to do with the line between creator and consumer thinning so much now thanks to social media and cons becoming so frequent and mainstream. Fifteen years ago, there was no way we would ever dream of being in contact with showrunners, crew, and voice actors on our favorite shows. We never even sought out such contact, not unless you were really gutsy. And cons were very few and far between, so the only way you could interact with any of these people is if you had enough money and could travel to them. Now with things like Twitter especially, you can just tweet your questions and tag creators in your work, and chances are good that you will actually be seen and acknowledged.

And with this exposure, this really thinned line, I think a lot of fandom fully believes that they can actually influence a show. It’s been done in other shows, or at least enough that the creators give this illusion that fandom influences a show. So they think it’s the same with Voltron, but it’s not. Voltron is not a TV show, it’s a Netflix series meant to be binged in one sitting. But fandom has this belief that if they push and push and push enough, then all their fanon dreams will become canon. And they push back on the rest of us who don’t really go with the flow because they feel threatened.

Sheith, followed closely by Kallura, is the biggest threat to Klance, like I’m just gonna be brutally honest here with the whole ship war thing, we all know what it’s about. Like I said, fandom pushes for a bisexual male character, completely ignoring two things: 1) Lance explicitly flirts with women and ONLY women in canon and 2) Shiro and Keith are very intimate and touchy for a pair of guys (lol I’ve known a lot of guys and they don’t shoulder touch to this extent like Keith and Shiro are so TOUCHY). You would think fandom, determined to have mlm representation, would be all over Sheith because they are already established to have a personal, intimate connection that definitely goes beyond just a pair of dudes being bros. Instead we get all this age discourse, accusations of pedophilia and abusive power imbalances, etc.

And on the other side of this, Keith can’t be bi/pansexual because that makes him still available for Allura. Kallura is a threat because they’ve been the ship of Voltron since the beginning. They were heavily teased in DotU, they get together in the sequel comics and every reboot so far (except for Legendary Defender at the moment). By insisting Keith is gay, then he won’t want to be with Allura. There’s even this headcanon popular in this circle that Allura is a lesbian, yet I’ve seen very little femslash content in this fandom, and none of it reaches the popularity of the mlm ships.

So it’s pretty clear from the two issues that bisexual representation isn’t really something a good chunk and the loudest part of fandom really cares about. This section of fandom only accepts bisexuality when it’s convenient for their favorite ship.

And they insist that the rest of fandom kowtows to these headcanons because I guess there’s this belief that if they get all of fandom to unite for a headcanon, then the showrunners will have no choice but make the show reflect what’s popular. Even though that’s not how fandom or media works at all.

I think it’s a generational thing. A lot of these fans tend to be younger, for some this may even be their first big fandom, and there’s this weird belief among them that they’re only allowed to ship things in hopes it’ll be canon and their headcanons must be 100% backed by canon, so they tend to read too deep into every little joke and offhand comment and fanwork responses made by cast and crew. Maybe because they’re new to this, but these kinds of fans just don’t seem to understand the transformative nature of fandom. That while we do everything out of love for the source material, the stories and art and other content we make doesn’t necessarily have to have a 1:1 reflection of canon.

That's all fantastic insight, especially on the generational gap between certain members of the fandom. Yeah, your comments about the hate for the Allura/Keith ship just reminds me how weird I always found that since in all incarnations of Voltron they've been pretty much the ONLY canon ship of the main characters.

This is all fantastic, I wish I could use it all but as it is with articles I know I'll have to really cut it down. But still, it's all super helpful. Legit.

#voltron legendary defender #lanceisbi #vld lance #bisexual Lance #bisexual discourse #den of geek interview #my words #if you’re gonna quote me on anything here is the context #also my inbox is open for anyone wanting to discuss this further #i can write my whole thesis on this and this alone #i have been very very outspoken about this for a long time #long post

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boatspeak · 4 years

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Some of my favourite dramas from the past half a year, ranked:

1. Because This is my First Life

k-drama, 16 episodes, each 1 hour long

So sensitively and personally written. I was sucked into the storytelling and felt as though I was seeing these scenes through the eyes of the characters. Bravo to the scriptwriter; as I was watching it I felt, ah, she must have drawn from some intensely personal and important place. It was not a story anyone could have written. Because This is My First Life follows the stories of three BFFs as they experience, and grapple with, love and marriage. It does not shy away from the complicated sides of these issues - the societal, monetary and financial pressures that love and marriage cannot be separated from, the difficulties of communicating with others honestly yet sensitively. There are some frustratingly incorrigible people in the drama (like sexually harassing superiors), but most of the time the conflicts play out between good people who care for and support each other, yet inevitably butt heads because they have different - and equally valid - views of life. Is it wrong to want to marry and start a family? Is it wrong not to? It was painful at times, I think I cried for some of the characters. Not because they were pitiable, but because sometimes in life there is no right or wrong; you have to make tough choices and it hurts but you have to keep your eyes open and keep watching; keep walking. For the literature lovers out there, especially those who might be sick of gratuitous (often cheesy) quotes inserted randomly into dramas, well, good for you! Characters in Because This is My First Life read and are impacted by (real life) books, and you can see how the books they’ve read influence the way they think, act, and communicate with each other. It’s very realistic and mirrors the way you might consume and digest books in your own life outside of the drama. Oh, the PPL is also wonderfully done and actually contributes to character building. 8-9/10.

2. Raise de wa Chanto Shimasu (I’ll be serious in my next life)

j-drama, 12 episodes, each 1/2 an hour long

One woman, five sex friends. I know. I know it sounds messy and melodramatic and angsty. I hesitated for the same reasons as well. But when I finally got over it and watched the damn thing (very bingeable, totalling at only 6 hours), I regretted not watching it sooner. Raise wa Chanto Shimasu is a breath of fresh air. Most of the characters, whether hypersexual or asexual, are pretty unabashed about it, and I love their self-love. Want to have sex? Go for it, gurl. Don’t want to have sex? Also no problem. The title is an apt one and showcases this message of acceptance. We might have bones to pick with our current lifestyles, but welp, we’ll just be serious in our next lives. As one of the characters said at the end, “we all became independent, working adults, I think we should be proud of ourselves”. Much needed affirmation in a world of moralising, slut-shaming, virgin-mocking, and expectations to get married and settle down.

Warning: one of the characters in a bi/gay relationship is pretty vocal in denying his sexuality even in front of his partner, and a trans woman was harrassed at one point. These were discomfiting for me.

3. The Fiery Priest

k-drama, 40 episodes, each 1/2 an hour long (or 20 hour-long episodes)

Action. Comedy. Kim Nam Gil, who won the Baeksang for this role. Honey Lee. Badass babe. Ahn Chang Hwan, who was so realistic at playing a Thai immigrant my friend who studied Korean for three years didn’t even realise he was Korean. Father Han. One reviewer said he was a literal angel, and I concur. Most dramas leave you with at most three or four characters you really like; this drama makes you fall in love with the whole gang. Everyone has a backstory, or some hidden side that you didn’t expect that just adds so much more dimension when revealed. Where some might find it hard to balance the weight of action and the levity of comedy, dipping too deeply into angst or farce at times, The Fiery Priest manages the tone really well even as the plot deepens and our characters have to deal with deep-seated traumas. I have nothing more to say to promote this drama except, how could you pass on Kim Nam Gil doing action plus comedy MINUS tragedy and the moustache?

A final note: Technically, The Fiery Priest is a stronger drama than Raise and should deserve the no. 2 spot. The former deals with bigger issues like corruption, morality and forgiveness, while the latter is more light-hearted and deals almost entirely with personal choices. However, some issues Raise touched on were really important to me and came at a time when I really needed affirmation to believe in my beliefs, so it edged out The Fiery Priest in my heart.

4. 传闻中的陈芊芊 (The Romance of Tiger and Rose)

c-drama, 22 episodes, each about 45 minutes long

甜。This drama is just Sweet with a capital S. What a refreshing watch, especially for women. I loved not having tugging battles between two men. I loved the respect given to consent. I loved having so many smart and capable women who have conversations with each other that do not revolve around men. I love how the male lead wasn’t hung up on Male Ego and gave his wife space to be herself and make her own decisions and mistakes. A rare gem. I’m sure I will revisit this when I’m tired of the usual ドキドキ tactics involving possession and pulling around

(If you can read Chinese, I suggest watching it on the 腾讯视频 app with 弹幕 on. I found it pretty hilarious, meaning I laugh-cried so hard in the middle of the night my neighbour knocked on my door to ask if I was ok.)

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A quick rundown of the dramas and films I’ve watched so far in 2020 so you know the pool I picked these four from:

Penguin Highway

good watch. super cute. I cannot over-emphasise how cute the penguins were. It got me into a penguin phase and I’m not out of it even after 7 months...

ぼくは明日、昨日のきみとデートする (My Tomorrow, Your Yesterday)

good watch. bittersweet.

わたしに××しなさい！(Watashi ni XX Shinasai/Missions of Love) movie and drama special

would pass on the movie (which cherry-picked from the manga but unfortunately left out a lot of important character developing scenes so the relationship didn’t make as much sense as it did in the manga)

but the drama special. Whew. I watched the drama special twice. It’s trashy good. Because it’s basically a spin-off to build hype for the movie, it doesn’t have to follow the plot of the manga, instead taking on the format of a (very cheesy) otome game. So you have all these ikemen saying clichéd toe-curling lines like “I am also a man you know” and getting stuck half-naked bReAthInG HeAviLy in cabinets together but instead of playing it seriously (as the movie would do because it’s supposed to make you feel like they are falling in love), the main character goes huh??? wtf are you saying?? at her otome game screen, which is so realistic and just cracks me up. definitely would rec.

ごめんね青春！(Gomen ne Seishun/ Saving my Stupid Youth)

hmmm. so-so? Leading lady Hikari Mitsushima is pretty, cool, and fits the bill of gap moe. Ryo Nishikido is also pretty believable (once you suspend your disbelief that somehow all his students think he looks dorky and are not gushing over his ikemen-ness). Unfortunately, relationship development between the otp happened too late and too suddenly.

Он – драко́н (On Drakon/ He’s a Dragon/ I Am Dragon)

a pleasure to (re-)watch as always. Lovely visuals.

Tokyo Ghoul: S

decent! Great performance from Shota Matsuda as the Gourmet. He’s definitely a draw-point for this movie - you can see him being featured heavily in the trailers.

Strong Girl Do Bong Soon

great drama, would rec! 7-8/10. Points docked for all the digressing they did with monks and gangsters. I loved the otp’s dynamic, how healthy their relationship was. One line that struck me was, “Do you know how you’ve found the right person? When you see yourself in their eyes, you look happy”. It was a reminder that while these are obviously fictional characters, we can and should form relationships where our partners are as supportive of us (and us of them) as our dear otp, and not to settle for less. Also loved the fact that smol Bong Soon is so strong and no one can manhandle her >:-) 10/10 also to rookie actor Jang Mi Kwan, who was absolutely terrifying as the villain. How is he only a rookie??

Because This is my First Life

see above

The Fiery Priest

see above

선덕여왕 (Great Queen Seon Deok)

hehe I watched it (again). As great as ever. Somehow cried more than I did the previous two times I watched it? Took me a week to get over one of the characters (even though I already went through all that heartbreak the first two times I watched this..) Sayang... Definitely has a special place in my heart. Available in full on youtube with subs.

传闻中的陈芊芊 (Romance of Tiger and Rose)

see above

来世はちゃんとします (Raise de wa Chanto Shimasu)

see above

覆面系ノイズ (Fukumenkei Noise/Anonymous Noise)

pretty good! Adapted from a manga but very film-like with its color-corrected shots, many cut-scenes to birds and crashing waves. Shison Jun was great in his intense scene, Ayami Nakajo has the most manga-looking face I’ve seen and Koseki Yuta is my bb as always hahaha he’s appeared in, like, four dramas on this list.

博多弁の女の子はかわいいと思いませんか？(Don’t You Think Girls Who Talk in Hakata Dialect Are Cute?)

YES!! I DO!! Wholesome drama packed to the brim with hometown (Hakata) pride). I also loved Okada Kenshi going around looking for Ramen shops hahaha. Now I want to see him host a food discovery show. 8/10. Would rec!

帝一の國 (Teiichi no Kuni/Teiichi’s Country)

面白い。Interesting watch! In which a bunch of high school boys in an elite school take their student council elections very seriously and attempts at political hijinks ensue. Suda Masaki and his pals somehow make over-the-top super seem natural. I don’t know how they do it, but it’s pretty good. Peppered with interesting reveals and counter-reveals along the way.

男子高校生の日常 (Daily Lives of High School Boys)

I liked this! It delivers on what it’s supposed to. As a film, it is very film-like. The background is given a lot of weight in this film, and the director “shows, not tells”. The conversations of our characters are situated in the chatter of their schoolmates, you hear random snippets of conversations drift around, you see the school situated in the mountains, piles of decorations around the hall. This helps in conveying the “daily” nature of what happens in the film - not some life-changing adventure, but a warm high-school memory that is pretty like a paper star in a glass bottle. The boys are also very lovable and dorky in their high-school roles.

ピーチガール (Peach Girl)

not bad. Typical shoujo manga adaptation storyline, even if the leading quartet do well in their roles. Nagano Mei was especially memorable for me out of the typical shoujo heroine roles I had previously seen her in. Inoo Kei also really looks like a boy from a manga. He has a lot of exaggerated actions, but he pulls them off really well.

突然ですが明日結婚します (Totsuzen desu ga ashita kekkon shimasu/ It’s Sudden But Tomorrow We’re Getting Married/ Everyone’s Getting Married)

pretty decent. It’s not mind-blowing, but it’s definitely not bad. (Or you could flip it around and say it’s definitely not bad, but it’s not mind-blowing).

ヲタクに恋は難しい (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku)

disappointing. I really wanted to like this film for Takahata Mitsuki and Yamazaki Kento, but there were too many useless musical scenes.

同期の桜 (Doki no Sakura / Our Dearest Sakura)

Hmmmmmm. About colleagues who become inspired in their work and lives because of their colleague Sakura. I wanted more love but that’s not the main point of the drama so it’s not their fault. It got a bit repetitive towards the end, and I felt there wasn’t enough character development. Another drama I really wanted to like more than I did, because I was looking forward to seeing Takahata Mitsuki, Ryusei Ryo and Mackenyu work together.

Tokyo Coin Laundry

A mishmash of lost souls meet at a coin laundry. A short drama about running away, making choices, and moving on. Katayose Ryota might have been cool in My Brother Loves Me Too Much, but this was where I first saw him and I prefer him in this. I enjoyed this a lot and even drew a postcard based on this. 7/10.

兄に愛されすぎて困ってます (My Brother Loves Me Too Much) drama and movie

ok don’t judge; I watched this because my friend said it was pretty good. Katayose Ryota IS pretty cool in this, and Tsuchiya Tao brings to life the quintessential image of the Japanese girl, but if you’re watching this for “so cheesy it’s actually good” I would point you to the Watashi ni XX Shinasai drama special instead. If you do want to watch this though, you should watch the drama before the movie, because they are not standalone.

Nodame Cantabile

What can I say? Classics are classics. 8/10, would rec. This is my first time seeing Ueno Juri acting, and she’s so believable as quirky Nodame I wondered if this was her actual personality. Straight out of a manga. There was potential for messy love-drama, but this drama took the high road and focused on proper character development instead. Thumbs up! They also did really well in “showing not telling” us the OTP’s relationship development. Rather than declarations of love, you can see it in the little caring gestures and almost subconscious smiles. I liked that too. Though maybe I’ll dock a point for how they treated gay expressions of love - “he’s a man you know” and icky faces - and how much casual manhandling there was against Nodame (exaggerated flying punches... maybe that’s how the manga wrote it?)

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trisockatops · 7 years

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Teens are getting queerer. According to a recent trend-forecasting report by J. Walter Thompson Innovation Group, 13- to 20-year-olds (known as Generation Z) are even more sexually fluid than millennials—while 65 percent of millennials identify as exclusively heterosexual, only 48 percent of Generation Z does. The "trend" is unsurprising—increased legal protection, social acceptance, and media visibility of the LGBTQ community have afforded more opportunities for queer people to love in the open. That being said, according to the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs, a national advocacy group for local LGBTQ communities, 2016 was the deadliest year on record for LGBTQ folks, and that's not counting the 49 victims of the Pulse nightclub massacre.

As the purview of queerness expands and the need for political solidarity and resistance against LGBTQ violence becomes all the more necessary, how can we think critically and compassionately about desire, identity, and labels? I talked to Suzy Exposito, Ales Kot, McKenzie Wark, Whitney Mallet, Davey Davis, and Javier Nunez Cespedes, a group of individuals who deal with issues of identity in their personal and professional lives, about love with or without labels.

Ana Cecilia Alvarez: What's your relationship to questions of desire and identity?

Suzy: I am a bisexual woman in a long-term relationship with a bisexual man. At this point in my life, I refuse to date straight people. In my experience, they just don't understand certain fundamental things about my friends and me. That said, I could generally say the same about monosexual people. I have been on dates with cis lesbians and felt a similar lack of common ground. Because I wouldn't "pick a side," my sexual identity was always in flux to them and not to be trusted. I don't think my sexual orientation is in flux at all!

Ales: Before people used the word "queer" to describe me, they called me "weird." But when I moved to Prague and lived on my own for the first time, I slept with girls and boys, and had threesomes and group sex. I realized that people would have these impositions on what it means to be queer for them. I didn't want to narrow it down too much. If someone asked, I'd tell them I'm bisexual. Of course, I could see many people judging the shit out of me. But, even though I pass as a straight dude, the fact of the matter is that I am a fluid sex monster.

McKenzie: I am somebody who passes for a straight person. I am reluctant to be a spokesperson for queerness because I get to avoid all of the difficulties that are involved in that. I don't advertise, but if people ask, I'll them that I've had sex with men, and I will again.

Javier: I'm a transgender mixed-race Latino who identifies as bisexual. I like to joke that I've identified with literally every letter in LGBTQ at some point.

Ana: Has identifying—or not—as queer resolved anything for you? Or how has it complicated things?

Javier: Part of the beauty of "queer" is that it doesn't have a real definition and that it's open-ended, but that also can be a major drawback to it. By not having a concrete definition, people can use it any way they want, and it can and definitely has been co-opted. Also "queer" doesn't really say anything about someone's sexuality. When someone tells me they identify as either gay, lesbian, or bisexual, I have a better idea of who they date. To me, "queer" has always had radical anti-oppression trans-inclusive meaning behind it, but it's clearly not the definition everyone uses.

Whitney: I guess I would reluctantly identify as queer. I don't think of queer as an essentialist identity. It's about identifying with certain politics. It is a decision of what community I want to call my community. People still ask me if I am gay or straight. Sometimes I think, maybe it's on the way, maybe by the time I'm 30 I'll be gay. Or I'll always be slutty. In life, we're always becoming, so it's fine.

Davey: The amazing thing about being able to come out and find a name for yourself as a queer person is that you feel like you fought for it. My partner and I have both had family members who completely rejected us. So it's this thing that I've fought for, it's my identity, it's who I am—you get defensive and protective with it. And so I can see people's kneejerk reaction, Oh, are they really [queer]?The more compassionate me, and the part of me that has been in that position, knows that's bullshit, to be like, Oh, they're not really [queer]. And as much as we fought for our identities, at the same time, identity is fluid, and fluidity is challenging for most people. Even if you are gender fluid or your sexuality is fluid, labels are, by definition, rigid.

Ana: To me, labels seem imperfect, at times flattening, but politically necessary. Sometimes we need solidarity and shared identities. What do you think?

McKenzie: It's crucial to remember that there are a lot of men who sleep with other men that do not think they are gay. They aren't in the closet or in denial. They just have different categories. Some people don't think having sex with men is an identity. It's an act, and you might have other acts you do and other identities.

Davey: When I had just come out, I had an instinct to taxonomize: "I am a femme boy." But I've moved away from that because I've lived in the world long enough as a gender-nonconforming woman that visibility isn't exciting anymore. I've realized that being visible isn't that great. It's pretty scary, and most people outside of your community think you're gross, and it affects your chances of getting a job. Foucault said that visibility is a trap. We all want to be seen and understood and be known for what we are, but unfortunately, if what you are is queer or bisexual, they will hate you.

Ana: Visibility is a trap! Either you're legible in mainstream culture—you pass—yet you aren't seen as queer in queer communities, or you're visibly queer, and thereby a target for homophobic and transphobic violence.

Suzy: Visibility makes all the difference in how you experience queerness. Visibility makes you more vulnerable to attack. And it's a threat that not all queer people face equally. I'm a cis femme woman with long hair, and men harass me all day for being a woman, but absolutely no one knows I'm queer unless I'm with someone who more visibly is. On the other hand, my partner is a drag performer and very gender fluid, but on most days he presents masculine for his safety. On days when we're both femme, we're much more prone to harassment. Not everyone's queer presentation is so conditional, though, so we have to be mindful about how much space our voices take up and which experiences are simply not ours to claim.

Javier: Disclosing being trans or bi is a choice I can make every day. What I can't choose is walking out of the house every day as a Latino man. I experience way more gender-based violence (mostly from the NYPD) in that way than I ever did before I started medically transitioning. It's something I wish I'd been prepared for. It seems like the people wrapped up with visibility around their sexuality are cis white people. It feels like a luxury that people of color and a lot of trans people do not have. I just want to go out in the world and not be worried about being attacked or killed. I don't care about the rest.

Ana: One way I've been trying to think about this is by shifting questions of queer authenticity—is someone really queer or not?—to queer accountability. Are there certain actions or values we can hold one another accountable for as members of a community?

Ales: I ask, How can I encourage a sense of safety around myself and my home? How can I contribute my own energy? On the most immediate level, I think about just listening. I think just listening to people and not comparing or trying to place them is crucial.

There is a level of performative allyship and people trying to ride on the wave of a higher social consciousness more than they actually care for others. I don't know what to do with that except to be sure that I don't do it.

Whitney: I think there are moments when checking is important. I was at my next-door neighbor's New Year's party, and there was a moment where I noticed there were a lot of straight people there. It's a predominantly gay and trans space, and I think it's worth thinking about how you literally are taking up space at parties. There was a line, and at a certain point, other people couldn't get in, and for some of the people, that's the only party that's welcoming for them.

Davey: This reminds me of who gets to be at pride. I do think straight people need to think three or four or five times about whether they should go to some queer event, even if other queers are bringing them. But, if the ultimate goal is liberation of some kind from white cis hetero imperialist Western patriarchy, it can't come down to "make sure there are no heteros at the party." Probably, straight people shouldn't be at pride, but if you're the kind of straight person who's going to march with us, and protect us, and work with us, we can work together on the larger political goal of liberation.

McKenzie: When you get to middle age, it's just not that big of a deal anymore. I'm into this or that, and I'm going to go and get it with whoever is up for it. It's so much easier. I get why it was important in my 20s and 30s, but now I am not worried about if I am or am not this or that queer being now. I'll just go find my friends.

My favorite quotes from this that I just want to emphasize:

Davey: And as much as we fought for our identities, at the same time, identity is fluid, and fluidity is challenging for most people. Even if you are gender fluid or your sexuality is fluid, labels are, by definition, rigid.

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elftwink · 7 years

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what is the gayest podcasts u know? 👀

thanks for asking anon, i am happy to help!! just a heads up, i don’t actually listen to that many podcasts (under 10 i think), so this list is very incomplete, and i’m sure other people have lists more comprehensive, but this is a list of stuff thats gay (canonically) that i have listened to and can confirm that it does actually have decent rep, as well as what that rep is. there are other ones i know where it’s hinted or a minor character is but those don’t count bc i’m not gonna give you table scraps when i can provide a meal, you know?

the bright sessions - ofc this is my go to, among the main cast there’s a confirmed gay character, confirmed bi character, and a relationship between two boys. one of the characters is pan ace, although the pan part is only confirmed by word of god, a minor character is a lesbian, and one of the characters doesn’t know his sexuality but it’s not straight. i also like it bc they do try to confirm sexualities in canon so there’s no wondering like u know. u are aware bc they tell you. i like that i like the explicit use of labels (it also makes having a character w/o labels mean something rather than be a way to avoid calling him gay, instead, he can just be questioning bc he isn’t the Only One u feel)

the penumbra podcast - unlike tbs, penumbra takes place in different universes where gender identity and sexuality are non-issues, so while it’s never explicitly told to you in canon, a good majority of the relationships are same gender ones, the protag of one of the main stories has a relationship w/both a man and a woman (not at the same time tho which is disappointing- in character, but disappointing- but hopefully penumbra is coming in clutch w/the polya stuff we all deserve, but polyamory isnt lgbt+ so thats a little unrelated) so u know he’s bi (thats not the purpose of that relationship but as a side effect it informs the listener that he’s bisexual), penumbra is a bit all over bc of the multi-universe thing so i cant really do a discrete list like w/tbs but listen trust me it’s solid & super gay

alice isn’t dead - the main character is a lesbian and she’s married to her wife and she talks about her wife and while she isn’t happy with her wife in fact the whole plot is her finding her wife (well im not all caught up bc i suck but it was where i am) bc the genre is horror but it’s still very gay. unrelated but i also really like it bc the main characters are almost entirely women which. should really not be as novel and as refreshing as it is. but anyway that’s not lgbt+ rep but it’s still Good i think.

within the wires - i don’t want to say the main characters are lesbians bc they could be bi or pan (i think please dont quote me its been SO LONG since ive listened) but it is two women in love. or who used to be in love. a reconnection of sorts? the genre is also horror and the format is kickass and i cant think of anything to say about the relationship that isn’t a spoiler i’m so sorry but please listen

welcome to night vale - The Classic™ you have def already heard of it but it means so much to me in terms of rep as the first real positive rep i have ever gotten so im gonna mention it. the main character is gay and has a male love interest and they fall in love and go on dates and there is no waiting it’s first ep bless wtnv. lot of backlog so i always say to save it for road trips but listen. i love it. actually just check out night vale presents (the network) everything they have is solid for rep

the strange case of starship iris - i will recc tscosi until i die i love it so much, no confirmed w/words sexualities (at least not in canon and if there’s word of god i missed it) but u know the main character likes women in the first ep, it’s not actually canon atm bc of buildup and whatnot but i’m pretty sure the main ship is two women (theyre definitely into each other anyway), there’s a character who’s a trans man, and i guess a nb character? they may not call themself nb bc thats a human word but the gender binary doesn’t exist to aliens so for rep purposes i would consider them nb.

an honourable mention, i can’t vouch for it just yet but i started listening to the adventure zone mostly because i know there’s a gay character and a character who’s a trans woman so there’s that information that is completely unverified by me but that i feel totally confident relaying bc i was online when one of the eps came out and boy did everyone yell a Lot. EDIT: also a wlw couple whom i havent met yet either but im GONNA and im excited

and that’s all i got. i hope i didnt tell u just a list of stuff u knew already and have fun!!

#answered #anonymous

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namea · 7 years

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Pride questionaire

the following questions are meant to make people familiar with the various shades of love, attraction and identity, feel free to add your own. happy pride 🌈

what is your sexuality? Pansexual. Generally I just say bisexual since a lot of people don’t know or believe in pansexuality.

what do gender do you identify as? Female

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/gender? I’ve been aware I was bisexual since I was probably 6 or 7. I didn’t become aware of the term pansexual and the differences between them until my junior year of highschool so about 11 years ago.

do you have any preferences? I highly prefer women physically. I find them much more attractive and sexually attractive. I have had more success in relationships with men however so if it’s something other than physical I tend to lean towards men. Female relationships have always been far too dramatic and mind-gamey to me.

share a positive memory about coming out! I told my Dad when I was about 14 and he just said “Yeah? And?” I’m pretty sure he knew. My family was always really accepting of sexualities and we’ve always had gay, trans, etc people in our lives thanks to my mom’s diverse group of friends and my Dad’s sister who is a lesbian. My older sisters are also both bisexual so our family is pretty chill.

how do you feel about pride month? I think some people take it too far to the point of excluding others. However all in all I think it’s a wonderful thing and I am happy for a month to celebrate the accomplishments of the LGBTQ+ community, remember our struggles, and show support for everyone around the world who is a part of it both here and those we’ve lost.

do you participate in pride related events? any other events? I used to. I had a very bad experience at a pride parade here in Nashville once and since then I have not been comfortable with the lgbt community here. I have found it to be a very hostile and dangerous place that shows far more bigotry than even the most conservative straight people I know.

how do you feel about lgbtq roles in media? I am very excited by the growing prominance they hold. I don’t believe in the “bury your gays” conspiracy theory. I am a bit miffed at the stereotypes shown and the lack of variation from them but all things in time. For now every bit of exposure and normalization of non-hetero relationships is a step forward.

do you feel pride in who you are? Absolutely but not just for my sexuality. My sexuality is only a very small part of who I am. I’m more proud of the changes I’ve made to myself, how I’ve matured, how I’ve changed and become a better person. How I’ve become a good mother and a good friend, daughter, sister, and wife.

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery? My Dad for one. He’s straight but he’s always been supportive of everything I do and who I am. Also Xena...XD My mom is a great source of inspiration as well. For as long as I can remember she taught us that love is love and kindness is not optional.

tell us about your first crush? Xena. I had a crush on her before I ever had a crush on a boy. It wasn’t until my first boy crush that I realized I felt the same way about boys and girls. I didn’t really think anything of it or address it though.

what sort of advice to have you lgbtq teens? Love yourself. Even if your family doesn’t approve, even if your friends turn on you. Love yourself and know that you are loved. There are so many of us who have been through what you’re going through and even if we’ve never known you we love you and support you. We want you to grow up and join us and be accepted. Someday the world will see you as the shining light that you are. Please don’t give up.

have you come out to friends and family? Yup. I’m completely open. It’s not like I tell everyone the moment I meet them but there’s no hiding it. If someone asks I tell them straight out. Anyone who doesn’t know by now is just ignoring it and lying to themselves if they actually care about me.

how do you feel about the term “coming out” ? I think the term means different things to different people. I don’t really feel like I have the right to answer that because I didn’t so much as “come out” rather I kinda just “confirmed what my family already knew”. I had a very easy time of it.

do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of? For some people I’m sure.

any tips on coming out? Again, due to my relatively easy experience I can’t speak for the difficult ones. I can say that if your family has been supportive of lgbt issues in the past it’s best to be honest with them and yourself as soon as you can.

what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtq characterization in media? The constant pervasive idea that any lesbian or bisexual woman will immediately turn her head for a man if he’s hot enough. Also the idea that every single gay man is obnoxiously effeminate. And lastly, probably the most angering to me: The gay bff trope. It causes straight girls to treat gay men like fetish objects. Accessories. They think they need a gay bff but what they really want is basically a piece of jewelry to spout sassy quotes and talk about boys with them. They don’t care about them as people and that bothers me so much.

what’s your favorite parts of lgbtq characterization in media? That they’re there! This is such a huge evolution from even when I was young. I remember how Xena and Gabrielle were in an obviously romantic relationship but they had to cover it up with subtext and make sure it was just shown as “best friends”.

what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school? I went to a very open school in High School. When we learned sex ed there were portions on the LGBT community. Several of my teachers were openly out even. One of my most religious teachers who had a cross in her classroom even spoke happily about gay rights and was in full support of them. We had projects in which we had to “marry” a classmate and the teachers allowed gay marriage. We even had an LGBT club that ran events and had a ton of fun.

do you practice safe sex with the same gender? ABSOLUTELY. Always. Pregnancy isn’t the only thread with sex. Even having sex with other women it is important to erm...clean your instruments...between uses and/or use condoms for them.

what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same gender? My biggest turn off in men is arrogance. If a man comes off as being full of himself I don’t find it sexy, I find it annoying. My biggest turn off in a woman is immaturity. Not in a playful way but the kind of immaturity that leads to high school level head games and drama. I’m comin’ up on 30, anyone my age should be done with that crap.

what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same gender? My biggest turn on with men is humour. I love goofy guys and I married the perfect one! My biggest turn on with women is also humour. I like a woman who isn’t afraid to be silly, even in public. Let’s dance in the grocery store or tell silly jokes in the restaurant. If we’re together we should be able to have fun without fearing judgement.

how do you feel about lgbtq clubs/apps/websites? Not for me. To be honest I’ve faced more hatred and cruelty from the LGBT community than I ever did from straight people. I was friends with a group for YEARS here in Nashville but the minute I stopped just sleeping with my husband and actually got together with him they turned on me as if dating a man suddenly made me “not bi enough”. I got insulted, bulliled, had drinks thrown on me, and was almost beaten up at a pride parade. It was humiliating and awful, all because I was with a man. Since then I’ve been wary of LGBT groups. If they can’t accept me even married to a man then they aren’t as open minded as they should be.

how do you feel about the term “queer” ? I have no issues with it.

how does you country view the lgbtq community? Totally mixed bag tbh. I live in the south but I’m in the most progressive part of TN so at least it’s not bad here.

favorite lgbtq actor/actress? I adore Ellen Page, Zachary Quinto, and my very favourites are Sir Ian McKellan and George Takei

any tips for heterosexual and/or cisgender people on how to handle lgbtq events/news? Just be supportive. You’re welcome at my table at least. I don’t exclude anyone who wants to be friendly and an ally. Be kind, don’t sling inappropriate jokes or slurs, and apologize if you’re corrected on something.

what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten? “So if you’re a man now you’re straight, right?” No. My sexuality doesn’t change just because I’m now with a man. Still like ladies, still look at them, just can’t touch.

how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/gender? Happy to answer for myself any time. I can’t answer for others since there’s such a huge varied spectrum.

#nonsims #pride #lgbt #quiz

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nerdygaymormon · 5 years

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I can't tell you enough how wonderful you are and how much I appreciate your advice and how much to helps to see your overwhelming kindness. I am going to ask another question though. How do you develop the courage to speak up about who you are and about your experiences? I always panic and end up saying nothing at all, even when I know exactly what I want to say and strongly believe it needs to be said.

Thank you for the very nice compliments.

Speaking up can be scary, and sometimes I don’t (and I most always regret that choice). It seems like at church we’re socialized to not make other people feel uncomfortable even as they are saying things which are hurting us.

It helps me to be braver when I think that I am helping others. And honestly, while it may not feel like it in the moment, that’s usually the case. I’m always surprised when people later pull me aside to tell me their cousin or their son is gay or trans and they appreciate me speaking up.

Pushing back against negative & rejecting messages actually helps ourselves. It’s a way of honoring ourselves and helps keeps us from internalizing the negative messages. Of course, you have to determine if the situation is a safe one in which you can push back.

In Church there’s a major shift taking place in the views of the members on LGBT topics, but it doesn’t seem that way because the voices we hear are those who support the official policies, and also those who want even stricter/harsher positions. When no one else is speaking up, it seems like we’re the only ones who feel differently. My experience is that we’re not alone, and my voice will give others permission to speak up.

Here’s some tips for when you do speak up:

* Don’t attack the person. We want to challenge their ideas and assumptions, to make them aware of other experiences and ways of thinking.

* Respond by building on common ground. For example, if they quote a prophet, you can also speak about the importance of prophets.

* We can explain how those words carry a negative message, the unfairness of what they’re saying.

* It helps to assume they have good intentions and didn’t realize what they said could be understood in a way that hurt others.

* Share your feelings and experience, use “I,” it’s hard to dispute that you feel a certain way and it makes things personal. When we open up and make ourselves vulnerable, usually others will react positively and they let down their guard, too.

* Practice how you might respond. It helps to know how to respond when the situation arises. For example:

** “I’m also glad for prophets and the hope it gives us, but it’s important to think of how things like the Proclamation applies to our own situation, not to use it to exclude or invalidate others.”

** “When the Proclamation is used in this way to exclude others, it really is painful to me. As a gay person, I don’t feel like I’m loved and valued and welcomed when I hears words like this. And I have other friends in the ward who are single moms and it’s important they know that God loves their families, too.”

These are examples of building on common beliefs, being respectful of the person and assuming good intentions while providing a viewpoint they may never have considered. Also, they can’t challenge that this is how you feel.

Just as we want them to listen to us and where we’re coming from, we have to do the same. We have to be willing to listen and learn.

As a way to help get started, here’s some words that can hurt queer people. Role play in your head how you could respond.

· A mom saying she wants only straight/cisgender representation in the media for the benefit of the children, so they won’t be confused

· A man says he wishes that as a kid he’d heard of being transgender, because he would’ve used that to get into the girls’ locker room

· A person saying it’s abuse when parents allow a transgender person to transition

· When a person says they’re disgusted by affection shown between a same-gender couple

· A parent says she’s uncomfortable having a lesbian as her child’s Primary teacher

· Being told we should not identify as gay

· Being told they love and accept us, but don’t go around telling people that you’re bi

· LGBTQ+ people are that way because of bad parenting, or sexual assault, or something they saw on TV

· Children deserve a mother and a father

· Gay people are loved less by God because they persist in living a sinful life

#queerstake

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anything-advice-blog · 7 years

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Submission - Bones

15 HOURS TIME URGENT - I’m coming out as trans tomorrow. On my parents anniversary. I’m giving them a card and then going uptown with my friend so they can read it themselves and process it while im gone. The thing that terrifies me is my mothers reaction. See, i was raised a christian, and i still like to think i am, but the kind of Christianity i was raised and taught has rules. You cant be gay, bi or trans. Well, you can be trans but you’re supposedly not aloud to transition (which will kill me) I’ve been absolutely psyched to come out, and I have a haircut appointment a couple of days after. I showed my mother the picture of the hair i want and she absolutely freaked. Started saying how if i got that cut she’ll kick me out the house and its horrible. Eventually my dad got her to calm down, but mum started bringing up religion. I cant go to my church, not with my hair bright colours and short. She also said I would be highly disappointing god if i got my hair done like that. My dad agreed with her and also said to me later she just wants a feminine daughter to connect with (i identify as male). When I come out, I expected her to be upset, but now? She wont accept me as a proper christian, only a false one. Not only that, but she’ll cry and say how shes lost both her children (my brothers athiest) and I feel like such a selfish failure. I love the things she hates, so I’m always butting heads with her, and now I’m letting her down as a Christian and as her child. I feel like im failing god too, i was raised to believe those rules so i find it hard not to believe that im not a bad person for being trans and bi. How can I explain to her and my dad that I still want to be apart of the religion, and that i want to believe god loves all when it clearly states multiple times lgbt is a sin? I just want to be me without upsetting and disappointing everyone. #bones

Hey love,

I may not be a Christian but I do work at a church - to take care of little humans. From what I know, from what I have to teach to my children about the faith, I know that your parents don’t determine whether or not you are a Christian. Your belief is Christ shouldn’t be validated by your parents. It should be validated by Christ. I think instead of letting them telling you whether or not you are fit to be a Christian, you should believe what you believe. If you practice Christianity, if you believe in God, if you believe that Jesus is your Lord and Saviour, I am confident in saying that you are a Christian. They can deny you. They can exclude you, but believe that God accepts you. God loves you and that’s what matters.

It’s hard to say that all Christianity will accept your identification regarding to gender and sex, but I know that there are more than 5000 churches that accept the full inclusion of LGTB people. So if you cannot go to your church, it would be advisable to look into other churches in your area. I’m afraid that it’ll be hard because similar to other religiously controversial topics they all have various interpretations of the bible.

I am aware that the Bible does specifically say that homosexuality is a sin but I don’t know if there are anything specific to “gender” or “transgenderism” in the bible. I think Deuteronomy 22:5 is the most quoted verse as an argument to this movement, it says. “Women are not to wear men's clothing, and men are not to wear women's clothing; the Lord your God hates people who do such things.” However, the bible does not say that homosexuality or transgenderism is a great sin than other sins. So does that mean anyone who committed adultery, wear wools, or plant crops that God does not approve of, does it mean that they’re also not Christians? I don’t know. I’m not a Christian and I won’t speak for them, but that’s what I understand. I understand that Jesus forgives your sin.

I think you really should look into the Scriptures and understanding what is being said. I think it’s hard for remember that even though there are rules for how we live, Jesus knew that people sinned. It didn’t matter to him that they were beggars, thieves, or criminals. If they followed him, if they accepted him into their lives, they’re going to be saved. Right? I mean that’s what my kids are taught in Sunday school so I don’t know why this only applies to “some” sins. So research that and find your answers. Don’t let your parents tell you whether or not you are or whether you can or cannot be a Christian. It’s not their choice to make. It’s not their judgment to make.

I'm sorry that your family cannot be more understanding or accepting of who you are. I wish there was a way to tell them differently. I wish there was a way to make them see that you are still you. I hope that everything goes well with coming out. I hope that you are safe most importantly. I know you’ll find a lot of support from the Tumblr LGBT community as well as with us. We will accept you as you are here.

I hope this helps.

Kelly

PS. Momma Henderson - aka Tracey - is of the Christian Faith. She is currently asleep but I have notified her to add her response to this as someone within the faith. <3

Hi, Bones! It’s Tracey (Momma Henderson-as I am old, haha). I am Catholic. I don’t believe I pick and choose what part of Christianity I want to follow. I believe there is more and more and more to this faith that we will not know until we get to join Our Lord. Pope Francis said in his book “Who am I to judge,” and claimed this year to be the year of mercy. I believe he recognizes these mysteries of the faith and wants to guide people to acceptance. Jesus said if we love him, we will join him. Bam! That is all! Here’s info on how the pope views the acceptance of the LGBT community. I don’t like how he calls it living on the margins, but he has a message of acceptance.

http://time.com/4177151/pope-francis-new-book/

Now, I don’t know if your folks are Reborn Christians which might mean that they live closely to every word in the bible rather than the general messages it gives us and understanding the historical times in which it was written. Regardless, as a creation from God, you are loved by him. I always appreciate being a mom because it gives me an idea of how God loves us unconditionally. You would just like that same unconditional love from your family and you have every right to ask for it. I’m sure you’ve done this, but getting on your knees in deep prayer will be your solace. Feel the presence of Jesus at your side for he is there. Beg with humility for the Holy Spirit to guide you. Understand the sorrows that the Blessed Mother endured and the similarities to those that you will endure. But never never discredit the Lord by thinking he created you “wrong”. No one should. Possibly some of my words will assist in gaining your parents’ support, If not, I hope it gives you peace. Oh hun, (((hugs))). Peace & strength. Tracey

#kelly #bones #answered #LGBT #transgender #transgender and god #christianity #transgender and christianity #transgenderism #the bible #god #the christian faith #anonymous #submission #advice #advice blog #anything advice blog

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