#also I want him to actually give that Ted talk I would eat it up
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Here’s a couple of really great articles/interviews with Robbie Taylor Hunt talking about intimacy coordination more widely, but specifically on rwrb. He’s so knowledgeable and they’re really interesting and amazing reads and really showcase both his talent and why intimacy coordination is so important.
#red white and royal blue#rwrb#I wanna grab a coffee and talk with him so bad#intimacy coordinator#Robbie taylor hunt#I live here now#honestly he deserves an Oscar for his work on this film- I am creating the category because it should exist#hopefully when the sag strike is resolved we’ll see better implementation of IC’s on film#also I want him to actually give that Ted talk I would eat it up
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DISTRACTIONS X | LET ME BACK IN
pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)
rating: T
word count: 8,787
summary: jamie’s upset that you’re keeping secrets from him and keeping him a secret. you need to find a way to fix everything.
A/N: Thank you all for your reactions on the last chapter. Even if you’re mad at the reader, I love that you guys care so much about her and Jamie. I hope despite the angst this chapter makes it a bit better...here we goooooo! xo
distractions masterlist | previous chapter
Something was wrong with Jamie. And you had a feeling it was your fault.
After you returned from your interview with the publishing house in New York, Jamie started acting differently. He was quiet and distant. When you tried to ask him about it, he brushed you off. At first you thought something had happened, and that he’d eventually tell you what was wrong in his own time. But that was a week ago and he still hadn’t given you any explanation as to what was making him act like this.
You think maybe he’s caught on to your own secrets, such as the job opportunity you still weren’t telling him about. The interview had gone well, so much so, that you were about to have your second. You had talked yourself up to telling him about it before then, but since he was already not talking to you, you didn’t want to make matters worse. Or you were using Jamie’s feelings as a perfect excuse to delay the inevitable. Either way, you weren’t any closer to explaining your behavior than he was explaining his.
It was eating you up inside. You wanted to ask what was wrong, but you couldn’t bear the answer. You figured he was mad at you for all the secrets surrounding your relationship, and in a perfect world you’d give in and tell him everything. But you seized up every time you thought about doing so. It only made you feel even worse that he was pushing you away, and you were helpless to do anything about it. His behavior hurt you, but you couldn’t help but feel like you deserved it, so you took it.
It was clear communication was something you both needed to work on.
You also didn’t want to pry too much because you figured AFC Richmond’s upcoming match against Man City was also getting to him.
In the bits and pieces he’s told you about his dad, you knew he hadn’t seen him since they had it out when they played at Wembley. They were also going to Jamie’s hometown, and the die-hard Man City fans weren’t particularly thrilled when Jamie left the team for his brief reality tv stint. You can’t imagine how all of this is weighing on his chest. You imagine it's pretty hard, and again you just wish he’d come talk to you about it.
Today you decided to try giving Jamie complete space by not reaching out, with the hopes that maybe he would do so himself. In an effort to not sit around and wait by your phone, you go out to lunch with Keeley and Rebecca to enjoy your day off.
Turns out it's exactly what you needed. Not only were you dying for a good meal - that Rebecca was paying for - you were in desperate need of girl talk. You were thrilled to catch up with both of them, and were even more excited to hear that Rebecca was investing in Keeley’s PR company so it didn’t have to completely shut down. You were also very intrigued when Rebecca made reference to Roy spending the night with Keeley a few nights ago, and upon questioning from both of you, Keeley played coy as to whether that meant her and the brooding football coach were getting back together.
Unfortunately, that’s when the topic changed to your own romantic endeavors. Both of your friends inquired about how you and Jamie were doing. At first, you plastered on a polite smile, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to convince them everything was okay if you couldn’t even convince yourself. As soon as your faux-smile flips into a wobbling frown, both women sit up and are at the ready to comfort you.
“We’re actually not great right now,” you choke out, feeling yourself becoming emotional about everything for the first time. Determined not to cry, you bite your tongue, “Jamie’s been distant lately and I’m pretty sure it's my fault.”
“Oh, babe,” Keeley sighs, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, “What makes you say that?”
You take a deep breath, “First, that I’ve still been hesitant to tell everyone about us.”
Rebecca frowns from her seat on the other side of you, grasping your hand, “I’m sure he understands why you want to wait.”
“But I don’t even fully understand why,” you sigh, squeezing her hand, “And it's not just that. I’ve been lying to him about something else, too.”
Rebecca and Keeley remain quiet, giving you the space to admit it yourself. After collecting yourself, you begin to explain how you were interviewing for a literary job in New York, thanks to a friend back home. You told them it was going well, and that you had another interview set up in a couple days, and while you were excited to have a job in your dream career field, there was also something holding you back. And you didn’t want Jamie to worry about you moving away, especially if you didn’t know whether or not that was going to happen yet. But you fear he’s caught on to the sneaking around and is upset with you.
You take a deep breath, after you word vomit every worry you were feeling. You were staring at the table throughout your whole explanation, and when you finally look up at them, they’re exchanging looks with each other.
“What?” you whisper, “Do you think I’m a horrible person?”
They rush to assure you they do not in fact think you’re horrible at all. They completely understand why you’ve been keeping this to yourself, but admit that it probably isn’t making Jamie feel good that you’re keeping something from him, even though he doesn’t know what it is.
“I know its scary,” Keeley says softly, now holding on to your other hand, “But I don’t think Jamie will react as badly as you think. Yeah, he’d probably hate the idea of you leaving, but he’s also so supportive of you. You know that.”
You nod, “I do know that. I think it's just the last time I told someone I was with that I wanted to go after a new job, he made me feel like shit.”
Keeley scoffs, “Well that guy was an asshole and he’s not Jamie.”
“I know.” You repeat, firmly this time. Hesitantly, you turn your focus to Rebecca, “What about you? Are you upset that I've been considering another job?”
“Please, I’ve been waiting for this day to come since you started,” Rebecca chuckles, “You and I both knew this was just temporary, until you were in a better place to go after what you really wanted. I’m proud that you’re making those steps now.”
You close your eyes, absorbing her kind words. While it was reassuring to hear, it didn’t make any of this easier.
“Even if it was supposed to be temporary, that didn’t stop me from finding the best people I’ve ever met,” you squeeze both of their hands, “I don’t want to leave any of you just as much as I don’t want to leave Jamie, even if it's what I’ve always wanted.”
Rebecca and Keeley exchange another look, this time with small smiles forming on their faces.
“What if we told you, you could do both?” Keeley asks mysteriously.
You narrow your eyes, “What? Did you suddenly invent teleportation or something?”
“No, better,” she smiles proudly, “I recently took on a new client who’s an up-and-coming author from Wales, who is signed under this major agency here is London. So, because I’m the best person ever, I reached out to his agent and told her all about you and the book you’re working on, and she’s interested in meeting with you.”
“A literary agent, in the U.K., is interested in meeting with me?” you ask, dumbfounded.
Keeley nods aggressively and Rebecca gives you a huge grin.
“So, if they like my work, they could potentially sign me, and I could stay in Richmond?”
“Yup,” Keeley confirms, “And then when you eventually finish your incredible book, I can be your publicist!”
You laugh in disbelief, “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you’ll think about it,” Rebecca says, “We know New York was where you wanted to be and maybe that’s still your dream, and we’d 100% support you. But if staying in Richmond is where you want to be now, you can do that too and still pursue writing.”
“Yeah, we love you, and we just want you to be happy,” Keeley assures, “Although, selfishly, I’d want you to stay here but that's just me.”
“No, I second that.” Rebecca quips.
“But totally no pressure,” Keeley tacks on, and after a beat, the three of you burst into a fit of giggles.
“Thank you, both,” you smile genuinely, “For everything but mostly being so supportive. I appreciate you looking out for me, and I will definitely consider meeting with that agent.”
“Good,” Rebecca cheers, pulling her hand from yours to clap hers together, “Everything will work out, career wise and with Jamie, too. I know it.”
Keeley squeezes your hand again, before returning to finishing her brunch, and your conversation swings back to what Rebecca has had going on. While you still needed to fix things with Jamie, as well as figure out what the hell you wanted to do with your writing, you had a feeling no matter what happened, everything would be okay.
Contrary to feeling more confident in your situation, it had only gotten worse. Over the last few days, Jamie had gone from distancing himself from you to completely ghosting you. Your attempts at reaching out weren’t completely ignored, but his responses were minimal and you could tell were excuses. At work he’d avoid you, and when you invited him over, he’d say he was either tired from training or doing extra training. Again, you couldn’t pretend it didn’t sting, but you tried to push it all away, hoping after the Manchester game, he’d start feeling differently.
Meanwhile, you were also grappling with not one, but two job opportunities. The one Kara presented was in your dream city, but the one Keeley offered would keep you here with your new found-family. Both were appealing, but both scared the shit of you. Moving to yet another city was a big deal, but staying in one just for someone else was a mistake you’ve made before. Not that Jamie was at all like Mason. You knew that above all else. But it was still something to consider. Plus, it was anxiety inducing having two of your friends get you these chances that felt a little unearned, especially with how you’ve been handling everything. It was a lot to process, and the one person who usually helps you relax was avoiding you. By no fault but your own.
Jesus, you were getting no work done today, with all of these other problems taking up space in your brain. Plus you were hiding from Ted’s mom in an effort to keep your secret, because she in fact did not know about everything.
“Oi!” you jump at the sound of your office door being busted open, a booming voice accompanying it, “You need to fix your boyfriend.”
With your hand over your chest, trying to settle your racing heart, you give Roy Kent an apprehensive look, your eyes flitting to the hallway behind him.
Roy rolls his eyes, “Most of the team has cleared out for the night. No one’s going to hear us.”
Still, he invites himself into the room and pushes the door shut rather aggressively, before plopping himself down in the seat across from yours with his arms crossed.
You calm down a bit, but you still feel nervous with the glare he was giving you. Did his eyebrows get thicker?
“What do you mean?” you ask eventually, wondering if you come off like you don’t know exactly what he’s talking about.
“Tartt,” Roy spits out, “He just spent the last fifteen minutes crying into my arms.”
Your face falls, “He did?”
“Yeah. Said he’s lost his wings.”
“Jesus,” you mutter with a frown. “Did he tell you why he feels like that?”
Roy shakes his head, “He says he doesn’t even know.” You bite your lip, breaking eye contact with him. He tilts his head, “Something tells me you might have an idea.”
You sigh, crossing your own arms before looking at him again, “He’s been acting off the last week or so.” Roy nods. “I think it has something to do with the Man City match coming up.”
Roy grunts, “That doesn’t surprise me.”
You hesitate before adding on, “And I probably have something to do with it, too.”
Roy furrows his brows again, “What did you do?”
You grit your teeth, “I think it's more about what I’m not doing. I’ve had some personal stuff I’ve been sorting through recently that I’ve been keeping to myself. And I can tell he’s been wanting to tell everyone about us even though he says it's fine that we’re not.”
“So?” Roy shrugs, “Just fucking tell everyone.”
“It's not that simple.”
“Why not?” he questions, “Are you embarrassed of him or something?”
“No! Of course not. I do want people to know.”
“Then why not tell people?”
“Because every time I think about telling anyone - the team, my family - I get this horrible feeling in my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t know why, but it freaks me out.”
Roy’s silent for a second before letting out a “Huh.” Another moment goes by, “You should talk to Ted about that.”
Inwardly you laugh. Oh, how that was only another part of the problem. A problem you still didn’t understand the root of.
“Either way,” Roy continues, “I think you should at least tell Jamie this. He needs you.”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” you say, “He’s barely talked to me the last few days, and when he does it's nothing of substance. I want to help him but I don’t know how to get him to let me.”
Once again Roy doesn’t say anything right away. You instead decide to break the silence this time.
“Maybe Keeley would be able to get through to him,” you suggest softly, “She already kind of knows something’s up and she’s known him longer. Maybe he’ll listen to her.”
Roy looks as apprehensive about the idea as you sound, but you both know it's not a bad one. Eventually he nods and stands up.
“I’ll ask her,” he states. You take that as the end of your conversation before Roy turns back in your direction in the doorway, “You’re going to have to talk to him eventually. Jamie may be stubborn and weird and a fucking idiot sometimes, but you’re important to him. He’ll come around.”
You give him a slight smile, though it's a bit forced, and thank him. He nods once, his lip quirking up a bit in what must be his version of a smile, before he disappears down the hall.
Maybe if you couldn’t fix Jamie someone else could.
Apparently no one knew how to fix Jamie.
While you hadn’t heard from him into the next day, Roy and Keeley had informed you she’d try to talk to him when everyone arrived in Man City. You waited in the suite you were sharing with her and Rebecca, anxiously hoping she’d come back and announce he was magically doing better. But, when she quietly entered the hotel room, the look on her face told you everything.
“He’s still upset?” You question already knowing the answer.
Keeley regretfully nods, “And I think I made it worse.”
“How could you have possibly made it worse?” you exclaim.
“I didn’t mean to!” Keeley cries, her hands shaking, “But there’s team movie night, tonight, right? Maybe some time with the team and a good, old-fashioned rom-com will cheer him up.”
“I don’t know, Keeley,” you sigh. You hesitate for a few seconds, before asking, “Did he say anything about me?”
Keeley looks at the carpeted floor, “Not really. I brought you up - said you were worried about him - and he just looked sad and didn’t say anything.”
“Fuck,” you breath out, collapsing backwards on your bed, “Did I break him?”
“No,” Keeley urges, jumping on to the bed beside you, “Trust me it can’t be just your shit. The boy is unhinged right now.”
You snort despite the situation.
“Come on,” Keeley nudges you, “Let's get a drink, relax a little, go to the movie night and see if we can’t talk to him after, yeah?”
You sigh again, before reluctantly nodding and letting her pull you up and out of the room.
Jamie needed to clear his head. Contrary to what he had hoped, a team viewing of You’ve Got Mail was not enough to lift his spirits. In fact, he could hardly get through five minutes of the movie without thinking of you. And thinking of you came with a reminder of how you’d been hiding things from him, and then how he’d cowardly been avoiding you instead of facing the problem head on. Of course those anxieties also doubled when he remembered the game he was playing this weekend.
He felt guilty for shutting you out. Of course he did. He honestly hadn’t meant for it to get this far, he was just trying to figure out how to bring it all up. But then he started spiraling about returning to his home town and seeing his dad that it all became too much. He wanted nothing more than to talk to you about his worries, but you were apart of the reason he was so anxious. He could sense your own guilt - especially during the movie when he could feel your eyes staring at the back of his head. But he was still afraid of where the conversation would lead, so he once again pushed those feelings away.
Jamie knew there was one place he could go that would instantly make him feel better. And that was his mother’s house.
As soon as the credits rolled, Ted was calling for a 10PM curfew, but Jamie was on his way out. He expertly navigated the streets of Manchester, hoodie pulled over his head to avoid unwanted attention. About halfway through his commute, he caught onto the fact that you, Roy, and Keeley were trailing him. Despite his avoidance of all three of them, he couldn’t help but feel amused that they were trying to sneakily follow him.
After leading them through a tunnel, in which the trio lost track of him, he doubled back and snuck up on them. Once again, he was satisfied that he’d managed to startle the three, but then he noticed the worry on your face, and he was reminded of the situation you were all in. He briefly considered ordering them away, until Keeley asked if he was buying drugs, so he figured ridding them of any weird suspicions they may have about him would get them off of his back.
As he led them unknowingly to his mum’s house, he felt a pain in his stomach knowing you were purposely leaving space between the two of you as you followed behind. He wanted nothing more than to take your hand, but just because you felt bad about hiding things from him, didn’t absolve you of everything.
When they arrived on his street, a few of the neighborhood kids started yelling obscenities at him. Jamie just shook his head, knowing as well that Roy was definitely amused, before walking them over to his house.
Simon, his step-dad, greets them warmly and Jamie introduces them to his three confused companions. Then before he knows it, his mum is bounding down the stairs and all of his anxiety begins to melt away as she engulfs him into her arms.
Pulling away briefly, he turns back to see the curious looks on your faces, “Mummy, I’d like to introduce you to my friends, Y/N, Keeley and this hairy prick’s Roy.”
You smile sweetly in recognition as you all greet Jamie’s mom, but Jamie can tell you’re still caught off guard.
“It’s lovely to meet you all. I’d give you a hug but I’m not letting go of this one,” Jamie’s mom, Georgie, says cheerfully before Jamie picks her up and spins her around.
The lot of you end up in the living room after that, Jamie collapsing in his mother’s arms on the couch as Simon serves the rest of you with some of his homemade sweet treats. After Jamie tells her about the jerks online making fun of his hair, Georgie suggests that Simon give the rest of you a tour of the house. As they all file out, Jamie looks up at you. You give him a tiny smile; one that somehow conveyed guilt, sorrow, and support. Jamie was both happy you were here and scared as hell about where this night was going to go.
Now left alone with his mum, she finally presses Jamie to confess to what has been bothering him. He begins to explain how ever since he stopped playing football to spite his dad, he’s begun to feel like he’s lost his passion; that his heart wasn’t in it.
Georgie frowns and holds her son closer. She lets him know that whether or not Jamie was the way he was in spite of his father, he was an amazing human. She also admits to how emotional she was when she saw him play for England. She assured him that even if his dad was in the stands tomorrow, drunk and screaming at him, it didn’t matter. He had nothing to prove to him. Even if he was feeling lost, she was positive he’d find his way eventually.
Jamie instantly felt comforted by his mum’s words, hugging her tighter. He knew that no matter what happened with his dad, he’d always have her and she’d always be his biggest fan.
After her speech, they sit in silence for a few moments, with his mum brushing her fingers through his hair.
“Jamie, is something else bothering you other than your dad?” she asks softly.
Jamie plays with the strings of his sweatshirt, not even sure where to begin when it comes to you. He hadn’t told his mum about you officially, but he certainly hadn’t shied away from mentioning you over phone calls the duration that you’d been here.
“There’s also a girl,” he says slowly, “That I’ve been seeing the last couple months.”
He can feel his mum smirk into his hairline, “One of the girls that came here with you tonight?” Jamie already knows his mum knows about Keeley, but he still clarifies that it's you. “And you like her?”
Jamie sighs. Like doesn’t even begin to cover it. “I’m mad for her.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I think she’s hiding some things from me,” he admits quietly, “And she’s also been keen on keeping our relationship a secret from most of our friends and I dunno why. I’m afraid she’s ashamed of me.”
“But she treats you well? Makes you happy?”
“Yeah.”
“Then she’s probably just scared, babe,” she tries to soothe his worries, “I doubt she’s keeping things a secret for any reason to hurt you.”
“But why would she be scared?” he questions, “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to hurt her. I’ve done and said everything to make sure she knows that. Well, up until I started avoiding her the last few days.”
Georgie shakes her head at that last bit, but ignores it, “It doesn’t matter what you say. If voices in her head are telling her otherwise, they’re still going to be louder than any other voice even if it's unreasonable. This is the girl you told me about right? The one with the asshole boyfriend from America?”
“Ex-boyfriend,” Jamie mutters making his mother chuckle.
“She’s probably still reeling from the way he treated her. Even if you prove that you’re not anything like him, it's still gonna take some time for her to fully trust you. Or anyone. You need to be patient with her, love.”
Jamie sighs. He knows she’s right. He has his own voices in his head working against him half the time, he should be more understanding of whatever is going on in your own head. He gets that you’ve been fucked over before, and you’re definitely putting up walls because of it. He just wishes there was something he could do or say that would erase all of the emotional scars you had. But again, maybe that was something you could work on together. He just needed to actually step up and talk to you.
Even though you and Jamie have been in a rocky place, you are enjoying the tour of his childhood home. There are so many little things throughout the house that give you a glimpse into Jamie’s life, you try to memorize it all. You’re loving everything you learn, that is, until you make it to Jamie’s room and see the poster of Keeley with two footballs covering her breasts. You feel a little weird seeing a picture of your friend and boyfriend's ex in his childhood bedroom, but part of you is equally amused, especially with Keeley’s reaction. And then there’s an old photo of Roy pinned right beside it that completes it all.
Simon leaves the three of you alone to check on his baked goods in the oven. You eventually excuse yourself to the bathroom in order to gather your thoughts, but also to give Roy and Keeley the chance to talk. You’ve been sensing the tension between them all night, despite their insistence on just being friends.
As soon as you shut yourself in the hall bathroom, you stare at your face in the mirror. You look downright exhausted. And you were. All of the worrying you were doing about Jamie, on top of the shit you were keeping from him, was weighing heavily on you. Seeing him turn into a little kid in the presence of his mom both melted and broke your heart. He was clearly hurting for a million reasons, and it killed you to even be one. It also hurt you when he introduced you to his mom as a friend, but it was your own doing.
Splashing water on your face, you begin to question everything. Why did you really want to keep your relationship with Jamie a secret? You have half a mind to send an email blast to the entire club right now saying you’re together, but even the half-baked idea makes your stomach hurt. But why? Why couldn’t you just be a normal person and tell the world you had a boyfriend. It wasn’t a big deal.
Except it was. Because it was Jamie. And with all his quirks and occasionally prick-like qualities, you adored him. More than you’ve ever adored anyone. It was the biggest deal in the world and you didn’t want to risk messing it up.
But you already have.
That’s it, you decide, staring your reflection down as you dry your face with a hand towel. You were going to tell Jamie everything. About Ted. About your job conundrum. And then once the air was cleared and Jamie - hopefully - still wanted to be with you, you’d hopefully feel better and be able to tell the world. You don't give yourself the chance to change your mind. As soon as you were back in Richmond you would talk. But hopefully you get the chance to at least apologize to him tonight. If he lets you.
You don’t have to wonder about that long. As you exit the bathroom, you nearly run full force into Jamie, but he gently grabs your arms to steady you.
Your heart doesn’t settle though, as you find yourself alone with Jamie for the first time in what feels like ages.
“Hi,” you breathe out shakily, studying his eyes for any sign of what he might say to you.
“Hi,” he repeats just as quietly, slowly and reluctantly, removing his arms from around you.
After a few seconds of silence, both of you open your mouths to apologize, but as soon as the words ‘i’m sorry’ leave his lips, you’re frowning.
“Jamie, you have nothing to be sorry for,” you insist, “You’re the one who’s been hurting these last couple weeks, and I have been the one to make it worse.”
Jamie shakes his head, “But I do have a reason. I fucked up. I should have just told you what was bothering me instead of pushing you away. You don’t deserve that.”
“I-”
“You don’t.” he states, leaving no room for argument.
You swallow thickly, “Why did you? Push me away, I mean?”
Jamie shrugs his shoulders, “I think I was afraid if I confronted the issue, that’d you tell me you didn’t want to be with me or something. So I just shoved it all down. But that clearly didn’t help.”
You sigh, “I get that. I still want to be with you, though, just so you know.”
The corner of Jamie’s lips lift, but it's still wobbly, “What has been going on with you then? I know you’re keeping something from me, and I know it has something to do with why you don’t want to tell anyone about us. I want to respect your decision, but it honestly has been killing me not telling anyone.” Jamie’s voice gets small, “Is it me? Are you embarrassed of me? Am I not good enough?”
“No, Jamie,” you step forward and gently place your hands on his face, relieved he doesn’t push you away, “You know that’s not it. I like you so much and I’m proud to be with you.”
“Then why don’t you want anyone to know?”
“You want the honest answer?” He nods. “I don’t know,” you whisper, “It scares me, Jamie. I don’t know why, but the idea of more people knowing makes me even more afraid of losing you somehow. I know that doesn’t make sense, but for whatever reason, keeping to our bubble makes me feel like I can protect us from anything bad happening.”
“Babe?” he quips quietly, “Something did happen. That’s why we’re having this conversation.”
You sigh, defeated, “I know. I told you I’m bad at this.”
Jamie frowns and wraps you in his arms, “You’re not any worse than me. We just need to talk to each other.”
“Yeah,” you nod into his shoulder, “I promise I have more I want to tell you - and I will actually tell you - but it’d probably be better to do once we’re back home.”
Jamie’s heart swells. He knows you don’t mean anything by the word home, but he can’t help but feel comforted by the phrasing. “That sounds good,” he says softly, pulling back slightly so he can see your face, “Promise me, it's nothing bad. Like, you’re not seeing someone else, and you’re not wanted for murder, right?”
You laugh, despite the weight of the situation, “No, it's none of those things.”
“Good,” Jamie smiles softly, “And I promise not to ignore you the next time I’m upset.”
“Thank you,” you give him your own watery smile, “Are you going to be okay, tomorrow? At the game, potentially seeing your dad?”
“I don’t know. I hope so,” he answers honestly, “Seeing mum always helps.”
Your smile widens, “Yeah. Your mom is wonderful. I’m really glad you have her.” You brush a few strands of hair out of his face, “I also promise next time we visit it will be under better circumstances, and you won’t have to introduce me as your friend.”
Jamie grins, “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m still okay with waiting as long as you need,” Jamie adds, “I’m scared, too. Also eager to brag about my insanely hot girlfriend everywhere I go. But I can wait. As long as you need.”
You giggle, “Thank you.”
“Alright, let’s get Keeley and Roy, and get out of here.” Jamie states, making a move in the direction of his bedroom. However, you tug him back.
“One more thing,” you whisper, before planting your lips on his for a long awaited kiss. When you eventually part, you both smile, “I missed that.”
“Me too,” Jamie nods before pressing his forehead against yours, “Never going that long without doing that ever again.”
You chuckle and agree, before you both part to collect Roy and Keeley. When you reenter Jamie’s room, you find the pair with their hands interlocked. They react as if they were in the middle of something - which they clearly were - but Keeley stands up and drags you out of the room, leaving the boys behind. You make a mental note to ask her about that later.
Outside o the house, the four of you say goodbye to Jamie’s mom and step-dad. His mom surprises you and gives you an extra tight hug. You have a feeling she probably already knows a thing or two about your relationship with Jamie. You find yourself unbothered by this though, and hope you find yourself feeling this way about telling your own family soon.
You watch on and admire Jamie and his mother as they say goodbye. You’re once again so thankful he has a parent like her in his life, and that he’s clearly gotten the best parts of himself from her. He also definitely gained much of his confident arrogance from the way she talks about him, but he wouldn’t be Jamie without it so you can’t complain.
After one last wave, and a promise to return, the four of you head down the road, making plans to get a drink upon arrival back to the hotel.
The rest of the night you feel a sense of relief flood you. You and Jamie were okay. More than okay, in fact, you come to realize, when he’s propositioning you to come back to his room with him. A room he wasn’t sharing with a teammate, he’s sure to emphasize. You of course eagerly accept, and spend the night wrapped in Jamie’s arms before falling into a blissful sleep.
You find yourself thinking about your late night hook-up when you lie awake early the next morning. Things were different between you. They were more intimate, even by your standards. It was like you used your bodies to convey every ounce of how sorry you were, and how much you cared about one another. It was slow. Tender. Loving.
Before you can linger too much on that thought, Jamie’s eyes are fluttering open as he lays on the pillow next to you. As soon as he blinks the sleepiness out of his eyes, he gives you a warm smile, which you return.
“Good morning,” he whispers, running his fingers through your messy hair.
“Good morning to you, too.”
“I wish I could stay here with you all day, but…”
“You’ve got to get ready for the game.” you finish for him.
He nods regretfully before pushing himself out of bed. Before he can get too far, you reach for his arm.
“Will you be okay out there today?” you ask, once again.
And again, Jamie seems unsure, but he plasters another small smile on his face before leaning down to give you a kiss, “As long as you’re there watching, I’ll be fine.”
You can’t help but smile back, pecking him one last time before shooing him off to get ready.
With another moment alone, you once again feel relieved that you and Jamie are back in a better place. However, you feel that familiar ache in your chest that something is missing; that you still have things to make up for. You know you still have a lot to explain to him, but that could wait until tomorrow. You needed to see Jamie win this game first.
Richmond’s match against Man City on this day will go down as one of the most stressful football games you’ve ever witnessed.
Everything started out smoothly. You watched enthusiastically from a box, seated in between Keeley and Rebecca, with Higgins on her other side. Van Damme was blocking every attempt made by the opposing team, and Jamie assisted Colin in making the first goal of the match. As you and your friends cheered, Leslie was hesitant to celebrate in fear of jinxing the team, so he stayed frozen in place.
Unfortunately, things took a turn after that. It was like the whole stadium was against Jamie. From the moment he walked onto the pitch, angry Man City fans were booing and cursing his name. Not only that, it seemed like every player on Manchester’s side was out to get the footballer, knocking him down or stealing the ball every chance they got.
You watched on nervously, trying not to let it get to you. It was the name of the game. But it didn’t mean you had to like it.
Half way through the game, the worst of your fears happened. In an effort to prevent Man City from scoring, Jamie leapt to block the ball and hurt his ankle in the process. You watched with bated breath when he wouldn’t get up from his spot hunched behind the goal line. He brushed off Isaac’s attempts to help him, and eventually got up himself. You let out a sigh of relief, until after walking a few feet, Jamie is falling back onto the pitch and the medical team is rushing onto the field.
“Holy shit,” you mutter under your breath.
Keeley takes your hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. “Hey, it's okay. Jamie’s going to be okay.” But you can tell she sounds just as nervous as you feel.
You don’t know how long you’re waiting to see if Jamie will make it back up, but its torture. Ted is clearly banking on Jamie being able to play again, refusing to substitute anyone for him and having the team play with ten players instead of eleven. For their part, they’re holding down the fort, and Van Damme continues to block every shot. But you don’t care about the game, you just care about Jamie.
At this point, both Rebecca and Keeley have a hold on each of your hands as you watch the medics look after Jamie. You know the coaches must be getting restless, because Ted goes to talk to Jamie again. You wish nothing more than to be able to rush down onto the pitch and comfort him yourself, but you trust that Ted is giving him the pep talk he needs to hear.
And it seems as though you were right, because minutes after talking to Ted, Jamie is up and walking back onto the field, to the excitement of the crowd and his teammates.
You feel a weight lifted off of your shoulders, letting go of your friends’ hands to clap for him yourself.
“Yeah, let's go Jamie!”
It was as if the next few moments happen in slow motion. After defending another goal against Man City, Van Damme is sending the ball down the field to an open Jamie, who expertly navigates around several opponents to get towards Richmond’s goal. You watch in awe as Jamie scores the team’s second point, bad ankle and all, all on his own.
You practically fly out of your seat to cheer for him, screaming and jumping around with Keeley and Rebecca. In the midst of the stadium’s celebration, a whistle blows to finally send in Jamie’s substitution. Looking a bit shell-shocked and relieved, Jamie slowly makes his way off the field, but it's not without a proud send off from the entire crowd - including the Man City fans who were previously cheering against him.
Jamie’s touched face fills the jumbo-screen, and your heart swells with adoration. You know how much this has to mean to him. You also feel overcome with love for your uncle, who let Jamie have his moment before taking him out of the game.
You had never felt more proud of Jamie, and you were once again overcome with the urge to run to him.
You sit anxiously through the final moments of the game and rejoice in yet another celebration when the clock finally runs down and Richmond is declared the winner. Even as you embrace both of your friends in all the excitement, your thoughts are still consumed by Jamie.
You needed to see him.
You can hear your heart pounding in your ears, as you walk with Keeley, Rebecca, and Higgins down to the guest locker room. You try not to appear over-eager, wanting to remain in step with your friends, but you find it hard to resist the temptation to run ahead of them. After what feels like a trillion years, you make it to the locker room, finding the team’s celebration in full force. You break away from your group, as they go to congratulate the coaches. Part of you also desperately wants to talk to Ted, about a lot of things, but particularly how much you appreciate him for being there for Jamie tonight, but you had to see Jamie first. Your eyes scan the room as you walk through, congratulating Colin and Dani as you pass each of them, before you finally notice Jamie, towards the middle of the room. Sam had his arm around him, most likely supporting his teammate with his injury and all.
Not even really processing that your feet take you there, you find yourself in front of the footballers. Sam sees you first, giving you a blinding smile. You don’t hesitate to return it, but your attention is hard pressed on Jamie, and Sam seems to get the memo.
“You’re here!” Jamie exclaims, breathless from the excitement, and a bit confused about what you’re doing.
You nod, “Yeah,” you shout over the noise, a bit breathless yourself. “You were…incredible out there.”
Jamie squints at you, though he’s thankful for the compliment, “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” you bob your head up and down, still running on adrenaline.
Jamie’s confusion is palpable, but when he goes to say something else, you don’t give him the fucking chance.
Like a force, you wrap your arms around Jamie’s neck and pull him in for an earth-shattering kiss. You feel Jamie’s surprise, but it's short-lived as he wraps his own arms around your waist. You balance Jamie’s weight as Sam lets him go, only to start cheering for the two of you. This, of course, grabs the attention of the rest of the team, who immediately join in when they see what the two of you are doing.
You hear shouts of surprise and excitement, and a few people shaking your shoulders, but you couldn’t care less. Your focus was entirely on Jamie, who was giving you the best kiss of your life right now. Unfortunately, breathing was still a thing so you had to pull away. When you do, you can’t look away from Jamie’s eyes, that are once again overcome with emotion. You imagine you look the same.
“Is this really happening?” Jamie eventually gets out, shakily.
All you can do is nod again, with a breathless laugh, “I think so.”
Jamie eagerly kisses you again before engulfing you in the tightest hug. Into his shoulder, you whisper how proud you are of him, and he only squeezes you closer to him, if at all possible.
Over his shoulder, you notice the rest of the club. Roy and Keeley look on at you two happily - or as happy as Roy Kent can look. Higgins for his part looks delighted as well, and Rebecca looks proud as hell. Beard looks like he’s frozen in place from the shock. And Ted…
You hadn’t really thought about how you were doing this in front of Ted.
When you study him, he is exchanging a look with Rebecca, who shrugs her shoulders innocently. Ted looks back at you, a little bit stunned, and a little bit amused. When he makes eye contact, you find yourself opening your mouth as if you could explain from where you were through all the commotion. He just raises his hand, signaling there was no need to say or do anything, and then he gives you a supportive smile.
You are once again flooded with relief. You knew you would eventually have to talk to him about everything, and explain more to Jamie as well. But at this moment, everything felt right in the world for the first time in a long time.
The team’s victory celebration carries on throughout their bus trip back to Nelson Road and into the locker room as most of them get changed for a night out. Jamie elects to stay behind, wanting to rest his ankle, and also get a bit of alone time with you.
You help Jamie walk to the treatment room, before telling him you were going to grab something from your car. He, of course, doesn’t let you leave without pulling you in for another kiss. He’d been kissing you any chance he got all night, basking in the freedom he now had to do so as he pleased. You had to admit, you could definitely get used to all the affection.
For your part, though, you didn’t need anything in your car. You just wanted the chance to task Roy and Keeley to find some champagne, so Jamie could still have his own little celebration. But you also wanted to talk to Ted.
On your way to the coaches office, you pass Beard who is headed to the after party. When he clocks you, he gives you a wide eyed look.
“You, missy, are my shit list,” he states, crossing his arms.
“What for?” you cross your own arms, “You want Jamie all to yourself or something?”
“No, Jamie’s not my type,” he teases, “I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me.”
You chuckle, “To be fair, I didn’t tell a lot of people.”
“Still, I thought we were closer than that.”
You give him a smile, uncrossing your arms to touch his shoulder. “I promise the next time I secretly date a footballer on the team you coach, you’ll be the first to know.”
“Thank you,” he places his own hand over yours, before pointing a finger at you, “But this better be the first and only time that happens.”
You giggle again. He kisses your head, letting you know that he is very happy for you, before disappearing into the night, as Beard does.
That leaves you to find Ted alone in his office, packing up his bag. You knock on the doorframe, getting his attention, and immediately receiving a playful grin from him.
“There she is,” he sing-songs, “Mrs. Jamie Tartt.”
You scoff, “Woah. Woah. Woah. We aren’t betrothed.”
Ted snorts, “I know. I just like teasing you, Kiddo.”
You laugh lightly, before you decide that it's now or never to address the elephant in the room.
“I’m sorry for not telling you,” you say softly.
Ted shakes his head, “There’s nothing to apologize for.”
You nod, but you don’t feel any less sorry.
“Does Jamie know about our little family-affair?” Ted eventually asks.
You shake your head, “No. Was thinking I’d wait to tell him tomorrow, but…”
Ted nods, seemingly knowing exactly what you’re thinking, “You’re scared?”
“Yes,” you breathe out deeply, “But I don’t get it. I can’t tell him about you. I haven’t been able to tell you or Michelle or Dad and Pop about him. I really, really like him and I should be able to tell everyone that. But it terrifies me and I don’t understand why.
“I do,” Ted sticks his hands in his pockets and raises his shoulders, “Because as soon as you say something like that out loud, especially to the people who know and love you most, it makes it real. And that’s what's scary.”
You suck in a huge gulp of air, “Yes. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I just didn’t know how to put it into words.”
Ted nods, continuing, “And telling family is twice as hard, because they’re the people who know you better than anyone else. They can call you on your bullshit, but they also know when something is the real deal. Which is probably why you never told us about what was really going on with Mason.”
You narrow your eyes at him, “How do you…”
“Rebecca may have mentioned a couple things in passing,” he admits, “She is not a fan of him to say the least. Rightfully so, it seems.”
“Yeah,” you agree shakily, “Even though Jamie is a lot different than Mason, I think I didn’t want to hear truths I wasn’t ready to accept yet.”
You did everything you could to keep your family and Mason out of the same room - and Mason made it easy - because you weren’t ready to have them all tell you how bad he was for you, even though you knew it deep down. But with Jamie, you just weren't ready to accept how important he was to you.
“It’s all understandable, Kiddo,” Ted states, “And I’m sorry that you went through that alone for a bit.”
You shrug it off, “I was okay. I wasn’t completely alone.”
Ted’s eyebrows raise, “Apparently so.”
You feel your cheeks get hot, “That’s not exactly what I mean, but yeah, Jamie was certainly nice to have around the last few months.”
Your uncle chuckles, “Well, I’m happy that you found each other. I know you don’t need my approval or anyone else's, but I think you two are really great for each other.”
Your stomach swirls, comforted by this notion. “Thank you. I think Jamie would be happy to hear that, too.”
“Well, I’ll be sure to let him know once you finally get your act together and introduce him to the family,” you roll your eyes, “Now, get outta here, Kiddo, and give that boy some company.”
You nod, taking a half step out the door before immediately spinning around to capture him in a big hug, “Love you, Uncle Ted.”
Ted sighs quietly, “Love you, too, Kiddo.”
Ted once again shoos you out of his office, and you bid him a goodnight, telling him to give Dottie a hug for you.
When you rejoin Jamie in the treatment room, you find him typing away on his phone. He pockets it when he notices you come in, and gives you a sweet smile.
As you join him on the infirmary bed he’s perched on, you press another chaste kiss to his lips. Jamie struggles to think of a time where’s been happier. He had you, and the rest of his people knew. He couldn’t ask for anything else. As you lean against his shoulder, and once again recount how proud you are of the game he played today, he can’t help but stare at you and take in just how special you are to him. He wants to find the words to express this to you, and a certain L word nearly leaves his lips, when he hears the door open to reveal Roy and Keeley.
Jamie looks up at them curiously, brushing off how flustered he is from his previous thoughts, “What are you two doing here?”
“I invited them,” you speak up, drawing his attention back to you as you give him a smile.
“Yeah, wanted to keep you company,” Keeley adds with a bright smile of her own.
Roy reveals a bottle of champagne from behind his back, “And fucking celebrate.”
Keeley squeals and claps as you squeeze him into a hug. While Jamie would have loved a night just the two of you, he can’t complain when he’s surrounded by a group of people who care about him. He never thought he’d be so lucky.
As Roy pops open the bottle and starts passing it around, you also can’t help but feel warmed by this moment. As the four of you share the champagne and joke around, you’re in disbelief that you’ve made it here; to be surrounded by genuine friends and a boy who was crazy about you. Not to mention becoming closer to your family again with Beard and Ted around. You still had a lot to sort out regarding your career, but one thought echoed through your brain the rest of that night:
Why would you ever want to leave this place?
A/N: THERE IT IS!! oof i poured my heart into this one and can’t wait to hear what you all think! the secret is out!!! mostly. ted has something to say next as well all know. anyway. TWO CHAPTERS LEFT!💗
Taglist: @atabigail @escapismqueen @boundtomyfate @sammysgirl1997 @lil-tracys @shephard17895 @alaspice @itsbarbraann @redpool @drmeghanjones @straightforwardly @alex-sulli @aiyaiy @artemismaximoff @roadtoself-love @theloud-yet-quietone @forcesofgrief @kirisimpster @geek-and-proud @grippleback-galaxy @lalla-04p @gabbycoady13 @royalestrellas @qardasngan @creationcitystreet-em @percysaidnever @emily-b @mrfitzsimmons @k-n-e @agentstarkid @legobatmans9thab @mrsprongs25 @sokkigarden @for-fuck-sake-im-alive @dollfaceyourfear @dicgohargreeves @heyitz-julia @vampirodelascajas @grxcesmind @lizziel1410 @a-sweet-little-fangirl @bcon24 @looooooooomis @queen-of-dumbasses @moseyluvs @alipap3 @amachira @respondingtoshowerthoughts-blog @daphneblakeswife @chelseamount @k0z3me @lickitandsendit3 @miakat9 @shimmeringfrenchie @meg-ro @selmasemlan @hellfire-babez @rockchickrebel @katdahlali @taytaylala12 @lemonpiegurll @pri00r @brianandthemays @afraidofshrimp @curlypeter @sonyume @rexorangecouny @thewildestwonderland @cyphah @buckybarnex @eviemae263782 @piper570 @ibong-adarnaaa @spookysins @optimisticsandwichgladiator @marveltg365 @ringpopdust @gcidrvsh @beardsplitter @scaramou it wouldn’t let me tag the last few of you, let me know if its something with your settings, otherwise i can keep trying in future updates! <3
#jamie tartt x reader#jamie tartt imagine#jamie tartt fanfiction#jamie tartt x f!reader#jamie tartt x female reader#ted lasso fanfiction#ted lasso fanfic#mine#distractions series
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dating 101 (18+) part 28 - cody rhodes x reader
my masterlist
dating 101 (18+) masterlist
pairing(s): cody rhodes x fem!reader, roman reigns x fem!reader, austin theory x fem!reader
warning(s): swearing
genre(s): college!au, slow burn, fluff, angst
|| previous part || next part ||
if y/n didn’t dig herself a deeper hole yesterday, she certainly had breached earth’s core at this point. with her head tilted down and austin chuckling under his breath, y/n desperately tried not to make eye contact with roman who was sat at the table conveniently right behind austin and directly in her eyesight. the tension was so thick that y/n swore she was feeling lightheaded from lack of oxygen.
“can they hurry up with the food?” she whispered, feeling scared that they were trying to listen in on her and austin’s conversation.
“how about i lean over, give you a nice kiss, and really give them something to talk about?” austin teased her, biting back a laugh when she flipped him off.
it was austin and y/n day, much like how they used to have in high school whenever they didn’t want to deal with their parents being all lovey dovey in front of them. although cody and ted wished they could have accompanied them when they invited them to join in, cody had a midterm that day and ted made plans with another friend group in between his classes. that left y/n taking austin everywhere around town, showing him all her favorite places and stopping by a few stores downtown to window shop. eventually, they grew hungry and decided to grab lunch at a quaint little hawaiian barbeque restaurant. y/n just hadn’t accounted for the fact that there was a chance that she’d end up seeing roman while she was out with austin.
“do that and i’ll actually kill you.” she grunted, locking eyes with austin and catching his playful gaze.
“i’m sure cody would get to me first.” he mused. just then, another number was called out by the workers and the two of them checked their receipt. “i’ll get it.” austin offered once he realized it was their food, quickly snatching the receipt off the table and getting up before y/n could even process that it was their number that was called out.
this also meant that the barrier between her and roman was gone, and y/n wished she had grabbed the receipt first before she checked if it was their food. she was instantly met with the sight of roman, jimmy, and jey all staring at her as if she’d grown a second head. and suddenly, jimmy was nudging roman and roman was standing up. but before roman could even take a step towards y/n, austin was quickly returning with their food.
austin sat himself back down in his chair, clearly having seen the way roman was just about to invite himself to the table and take austin’s spot. he took their food out of the bag, opening each container to check their contents before setting y/n’s food in front of her. “and your spam musubi, m’lady.” he continued, setting another smaller container in front of her along with her can of passion fruit hawaiian sun. he hummed happily as he handed her the utensils and set the bag aside so that he could open up his box. austin waited until y/n took her first bite before he did. a smile that he was unable to hide crept up on his face as he finally got food into his system, and the same smile reflected on y/n’s own features.
but the failed attempts at hushed whispers behind him were beginning to irritate him. although he had found it humorous at first, austin wasn’t a stranger to times when y/n was visibly uncomfortable. suddenly, austin set his utensils down and turned around in his seat to face the men. “can you just cool it for one day? she’ll talk to you later. but right now, i’m just trying to enjoy a nice lunch with my step-sister.” he asked them, catching a glimpse at their embarrassed expressions before turning back around and being met by y/n’s shocked one. “eat, baby. they’ll stop talking about us and assuming shit if they know what’s good for them.” he addressed her as he pulled up the sleeves of his shirt as a “subtle” warning to the men.
it seemed to work, because when jey stood up to get their own food and returned with them, the other men seemed to slip back into their own conversation that wasn’t focused on who y/n was with. y/n visibly relaxed, her tense shoulders easing out against her frame as she happily began to eat. “thanks.” she muttered in between bites, and this time, austin was biting back a laugh at how she was practically inhaling her food.
he forgot she had a tendency to stress eat.
“no worries. some people just need to learn to mind their own business, you know?” austin replied, this time purposely keeping his voice low so that they couldn’t hear him. he knew that if they had heard what he said, they most certainly woulnd’t be getting out of the restaurant without a confrontration.
“i don’t even know what i’m going to say to him before our lab tomorrow. like, oh hey! yeah, it’s not you, it’s me.” she huffed out as austin handed her a napkin, quickly thanking him before wiping her mouth with the napkin.
“see, that phrase only works if it’s not you, though. i don’t make the roles, i simply enforce them.” austin said, watching as she struggled to open up can before finally reaching over and opening it for her. “god, are you this worked up over it? you’re stuffing your face like crazy and you can’t even open up a can.”
“yes!” she said, rather loudly because it earned them the stares from the other patrons in the restaurant and not just roman, jimmy, and jey. she looked around with an embarrassed expression and waited until everyone went back to their own meals. “sorry. as i was saying, it’s not exactly a comfortable and easy conversation to have.” she muttered, taking a long sip from her drink the same time that austin drank his water.
they had fallen back into their own rhythm easily. y/n was talking to austin as if the centerpiece of her worries wasn’t sitting just directly behind him. in that moment, it was just y/n and austin in the world, and although they may not be out in a random field staring up at the stars and talking about their worries in life, somehow the hawaiian barbeque restaurant seemed to transport them to that place.
austin shrugged his shoulders, setting down his cup before picking up his utensils again. “rip off the bandaid. always easiest that way. besides, it’s not like you’re hesitating about who you’re choosing. it’s pretty obvious who you’re going to pursue.” he told her, his tone bordering an ‘i told you so’ manner that had y/n wanting to reach over and smack austin.
“well, yeah but i don’t feel good about leading him on. it’s not like i meant to do it, you know? i’m just stupid.” she muttered, wiping down her hands before reaching for her spam musubi. “want a bite?” she asked, holding the food out for austin.
he leaned over, taking a bite before sitting back in his chair. he chewed his food, and watched as y/n seemed to delve deep in her own thoughts. he spoke after swallowing his food, “we’re not having this same conversation, y/n.” he went back to eating his own food, muttering lowly, “impact matters more than intention. but you can’t change anything about that either. you just have to learn from it, baby. and i know you. you’ll bounce back from this, you’ve come back from worse, and this time, you have cody.”
she smiled apologetically at austin, reminding herself that maybe she was getting a bit repetitive with her own thoughts. she was just thankful that austin didn’t seem to mind still reassuring her in the end, no matter how many times he had to hear it. the two continued to eat their food, moving on from their previous conversation and simply taking the time to catch up now that they were both sober. eventually, their food was done but neither of them moved from their seats, leaning against their crossed forearms on the table to lean towards each other and continue their conversation.
she was so enamored with her conversation with austin that she hadn’t even realized roman, jimmy, and jey had all left soon after they finished eating. jimmy and jey had tried to wave their goodbyes to her, but roman had simply tugged them away before y/n could even look in their direction.
her phone buzzing was what cut their conversation short, and one glance at her phone let her know that ted was calling her. she showed the contact to austin, who nodded his head as if letting her know to answer it, before sitting back in his seat and fishing out his own phone so he could scroll through social media while she took the call.
“hello?” she answered, pressing the phone against her ear.
“you and austin done eating?” ted asked. there was an odd tone to his voice, one that y/n hadn’t ever heard before. he sounded as though he was trying to stay calm and collected, but y/n could just tell that he was bottling up something like anger.
“yeah, we’re probably going to head back to the dorms after this and nap. i’m about 5 minutes away from a food coma. why, what’s up?” she asked, already beginning to put her trash into the plastic bag. austin followed her, his eyebrow cocked up in question at her words.
“stay away from roman.” ted warned her.
she was taken aback by ted’s sudden words. she expected this type of behavior from cody, but ted? there wasn’t a reason for ted to be telling her to stay away from roman - after all, ted wasn’t the one that was involved in their drama like that. it was as if ted could feel her confusion through the phone, and answered her next question before she could even ask him.
“cody asked randy if he said anything to him while blackout drunk. it’s pretty bad and you need to be told everything in person.” ted sighed, still trying to stay calm and collected over the phone.
“i’ll fucking kill him!” cody’s voice suddenly rang in the background, and from what y/n could only assume by the ruffling sounds over the phone, cody had pulled the phone from ted. “sweetheart, you won't believe the shit i just fucking learned. i'm going to shove my foot so far up roman's ass for thinking he can just pull this shit on you.”
her mouth hung open in shock, and before y/n could even let her confusion be known, ted was already back on the phone. “don’t worry about that for now. knock once you’re here and we’ll tell you everything. it’s cool if you bring austin along. love you.”
before she could even say bye, the call was already over and y/n was left with staring up into austin’s concerned gaze. she was so captivated by the strange phone call that she wasn’t even aware that austin had thrown out their trash for her and was standing up beside her.
“everything alright?” he asked her, holding his hand out for her to take and guiding her out of her seat once she did so.
“the boys have something to tell me. they said you could come along.” she answered.
austin simply nodded his head, making sure they didn’t leave anything on the table or their seats before he was already leading y/n out of the restaurant. “let’s go, baby. sounded pretty bad from all the yelling i heard over the phone. best we get there as soon as possible.”
|| next part ||
#cody rhodes x reader#cody rhodes#cody rhodes fanfiction#cody rhodes imagine#wwe x reader#wwe#wwe fanfiction#roman reigns x reader#roman reigns fanfic#roman reigns fanfiction#roman reigns imagine
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hey… I just wanted to say that I think you’re wrong about Tommy having no ass. If you’ve ever seen The Program (1993) you would know that man has two giant ass cheeks the likes of which is rare to behold.
That's not Thomas though. That's his actor, sure, but that's not him.
And logically, it makes sense for Thomas to have no ass.
See, there's a good few exercises that you have to do in order to actually get an ass when you aren't naturally blessed with one. Squats, hip thrusts (he gets NO bitches /affectionate), glute bridges, etc, etc. Stair master over treadmill, lift weights, all things that can happen pretty naturally in regular day to day life, but given Thomas' lifestyle, I doubt he legitimately has an ass.
Working on a farm is it's own natural workout, that would give someone an ass if their form was on point. And Thomas isn't exactly the kind of person to respect the lift with your legs rule.
For one, he hunches his shoulders a lot, and slouches. He's ashamed of himself, and the way he looks, and people who are taller, that don't want to be tall (people have treated him like a dangerous monster ever since he got big, and he hates that) tend to hunch their shoulders and have terrible posture in an attempt to make themselves look smaller (and in his case, less threatening). This happens a lot before he gets his new face. So, we know he has terrible posture.
And as we can see here, when he lifts and pulls the biker girl out of the car, he bends his back, leans down, and picks her up. He doesn't do a proper squat, he doesn't lift with his legs, etc. We can easily assume that he does this every time he picks something up because let's be honest, most of us don't do the proper lifting posture.
So, due to living on a farm, and working at the slaughterhouse, it's very very easy to assume that he lifts a lot, just like that. This is how he got his strong arms. And, given the time frame, and the fact that he was able to come back to the slaughterhouse without anyone realizing, we can also assume he walks back and forth a lot. And walking alone will not give you an ass. It's quad dominant, not glute dominant. All of that muscle will go to his legs- his thigh and calves. That's why he has thick legs, but no ass.
And let's not forget about diet, because that matters a lot in ass gaining as well.
Southern food is filling. It's mostly carbs and proteins, with little to no vegetables. And even those are most likely smothered in some kind of bacon grease or butter and a shit ton of seasoning. Eating home-cooked southern meals are one of the easiest ways to put on weight. That's why he has such a big tummy.
Now, if you were to eat mostly carbs and proteins with a steady workout, you'd easily get an ass, but we've already established he doesn't work out or properly lift things or any of that. So, no, I don't believe Thomas Hewitt has an ass.
Maybe he could start to pick one up after he starts wearing his new face, but honestly, that's a big maybe.
We know his posture improves due to his confidence increase after he starts wearing the mask, but that doesn't mean he's going to stop picking things up the wrong way. Hell, he might not even know there is a proper way. Who knows for sure.
But, yea, if he started doing the exercises (hip thrusts wink wink), he could get an ass pretty easily, but until then, he's a got flat ass pancake cheeks.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk! <3
#thomas hewitt#thomas hewitt x reader#thomas hewitt x s/o#thomas hewitt x y/n#slashers#slasher x reader#slasher fandom#thomas hewitt x you#slasher x you
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I’m sure people with more coherent thoughts have mentioned this but I rewatched honey queen and am thinking.
So like. Rowan raised Linda for the slaughter right. We all agree on that. The whole piggy goes to market / her childhood name being piggy / nibbly’s pig symbolism thing speaks for itself.
But!!! It was super obvious to me why certain lib called out characters during the summoning (tinky wants all the spankoffskis, of course he’s going to call out Pete. Grace and her terror of being watched by god as she does ‘terrible things’ is being watched by blinky) but I had to think a little more for the nibbly/Steph connection.
And then I realized. If Steph had never met Pete and had never associated with the nerds, if her father would have stayed mayor, she would have been the perfect candidate for honey queen. Think about it. She would have been rich. She would have been powerful. You know her father would have broken her down enough to be popular, a hatchetfield darling.
Her father has made deals with the lords in black before, who says that the mayor, a judge of the honey queen pageant, wouldn’t give up his daughter for- who knows? Power? Long life? His wife back? A better daughter?
Anyway I love the idea of the honey queen’s popularity literally eating her alive (a reason besides the immaculate vibes to love human!nibblys popular girl esc outfit) as well as a powerful woman’s power only being superficial and being an easily retractable gift from her actually powerful father
Also nibbly is the cannibalism god which makes him superior thank you for coming to my Ted talk
#I don’t know if I actually said anything here but have an insight into my brain I guess#as well as why nibbly is my favorite lib (with tinky as a very close second)#starkid#npmd#hatchetfield#nerdy prudes must die#stephanie lauter#nibbly#nibblenephim#lords in black#nom nom nom
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dating beelzebub headcanons
a/n: thinking about him <3
I don’t care how much he gets reduced to just liking food in game, Beel would be the best brother to date (I am 100% biased)
he’s spends a lot less time with you than his brothers do cuz they’re all GREEDY
doesn’t really mind as long as you’re enjoying yourself
not really jealous of his brothers, sometimes he’ll feel a bit insecure but never jealous
gets jealous of strangers though, 100%
he does everything he can with you since you barely get time alone with each other
cooking? together
eating? together
napping? together
working out? not necessarily together (if you don’t work out) but he’d happily let you sit on his feet while doing sit-ups so he can kiss you each time
he’s always touching you
loves resting his head on top of yours or enveloping you in his arms or both
also likes wrapping your pinkie fingers together and swinging them
plays footsie with you under the dining table
sometimes Belphie or Satan will join in by giving you both an incredibly painful kick on the shin!
coupled with a scoff about couples, or something
don’t give this man money because he’ll spoil you rotten
“this reminded me of you so I got it”
he treats every date like an anniversary
especially if you’re going out somewhere like a festival, he wants to win you every prize and try every food stall and run around holding your hand
there’s no denying that Beel is MASSIVE
so he loves to lend you his clothes and see them just totally swamp you
you never really stay in his room because of, well, Belphie
he sneaks into your room at night (or whenever you sleep bc the devildom has no sun) so you can just cuddle and talk
it’s the only time that you aren’t being interrupted by his brothers
he’s actually a fan of being little spoon even (if you can barely wrap your arms around him)
quiet talks about anything and everything
loves to fall asleep to you talking about home
he dreams of making a home with you one day, he doesn’t care where as long as it’s with you
Beel is big on acts of service and physical touch
don’t ask — I just know
Mammon told him once that he should flirt with you
“hey your hands are small, compare them with mine” and then he interlocked your fingers with this childish grin on his
it worked but also you were already dating so of course it worked
he leaves you to do the cheesy one liners because he thinks it’s cute
“hey Beel! Are you a feline?”
“because I see you lion in my bed tonight!”
he just laughs and his cheeks go slightly red before grabbing you and giving you a kiss
Beel is a blusher!! trust me he goes red whenever you do something cute!!!
he’s got such an imposing appearance but then he blushes and suddenly he’s this massive teddy bear
speaking of teddy bears
you have matching teddy bears (the one for him is yours and the one for you is his, if that makes sense)
he’s just <333
thanks for coming to my TED Talk
[masterlist]
#obey me#beelzebub#beelzebub x reader#obey me beel x reader#obey me beelzebub#obey me beel#beel x reader#obey me beelzebub x reader#x reader#reader insert#obey me headcanons#obey me x reader#headcanon#renoed#renoed; obey me
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comprehensive list of the weapons i want each character to weild in s5
starting off strong with nancy, our resident gungirl: her bare hands. whether she runs out of bullets or an eldritch horror eats her guns, i want her punching kicking snarling her way through battle. let her be badass without the guns for once.
jonathan: i know my boy’s a pacifist but i REALLY think he’d fuck shit up with like. a spear or something. give him something he can stab with too. he needs to let out all his repressed anger.
steve: return of the nailbat RETURN OF THE NAILBAT i am begging you duffer brothers GIVE HIM BACK HIS NAILBAT!!!! this is crucial for my well-being regardless of anything else that happens in s5.
el: we’ve seen a lot of amazing Badass El moments with her powers, but the sheer joy i experienced when she clocked angela in the face with that skate was unparalleled and i want her to do the same to any monsters she encounters in s5. i think she could do some real damage with a skateboard actually. let el beat vecna to death with her girlfriend’s skateboard. that is all i ask. it would be cinematic justice.
mike: ohhh boy. oh boy. mike is our little unconventional weapon grabbing gremlin and i NEED this trend to continue in s5 and get gradually more rediculous and obvious as the stakes get higher. i’m talking the return of the candlestick-holder. i’m talking glue guns pointed at eight-foot-tall demogorgons. i’m talking choking out demodogs with shoelaces. all hell breaks loose and mike wheeler grabs a one of ted’s golf clubs and hurls it into the fray.
will: give will a gun but let him run out of bullets and flip it around and use it like a baseball bat. bonus points if he’s protecting a gawking, lovestruck mike while doing it.
dustin: let dustin use his weird little scientist brain to construct military-level nuclear weapons in the wheelers’ basement while the apocalypse rages on. give him mad-scientist hair and little goggles and lucas rolling his eyes when dustin’s like “pass me (obscure drugstore item) i need to finish this bomb before dinnertime.”
lucas: i made a separate post about my hopes for lucas’ weapon of choice, and i will use this to reiterate: human-sized slingshot. let him hurl the severed halves of jason’s body at vecna at full speed.
robin: i also made a post on robin, because i have a very specific vision that involves her operating a tank. i think this would be vital for her character arc. no i will not elaborate.
joyce (+murray): i want her to beat monsters with like. a swiffer broom. idk if they had swiffers in the 80s so maybe just a regular one :/ i feel like she’d also get a lot of joy and catharsis from using a flamethrower a la murray in s4. maybe they work as a team and alternate.
hopper: i think he just kinda needs a break tbh. maybe he helps dustin build weapons in the basement, but he definitely criticizes his every move and tries to parent him. bonus if there’s a callback to their little banter in s2 “you really think you know everything about this monster because of a little roleplaying game?” idk i just wanna see more of their dynamic.
#st4#byler#byler s4#st5#st5 concepts#lucas sinclair#dustin henderson#will byers#jonathan byers#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#steve harrington
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A Jamie-centric pre-OT3 Christmas story told in 25 short chapters.
Masterpost / AO3
14.
Another fucking draw. At least they’d actually scored in this one (Obisanya 26, Tartt 74), but what good was that when they let the other team net the ball just as many times? Jamie stared morosely at his Lynx collection, trying to muster the energy to change out of his kit. He was sweaty, his hair was a mess, and his side ached dully from a nasty tackle near the final whistle; taking a shower would be heaven. But he was too tired to move.
It wasn’t so much the game that left him exhausted, even though it sure took its physical toll. The past ten days had been a mad flurry of setting up surprise after surprise for Roy, and that had involved more gift hunting, eavesdropping and secret sneaking around than Jamie had ever thought he’d get up to. Between that and football and team Christmas bonding there’d barely been time for sleeping and eating.
And after all that, he still hadn’t called Mummy. He’d tried to, every single night, but he just. couldn’t. do. it. Apparently his efforts still weren’t up to scratch, which was baffling, to be honest: how fucking sad was Roy that not even the truly fanastic stuff Jamie had pulled for him had made him happy? Christmas was only days away, and Jamie was running out of both ideas and time. Could he get Sade to actually write Roy a song… ? Might be too much, though, even if he managed to figure out how to sort it. It’d give the bugger a heart attack or something, and that would make Keeley sad and probably not count as him doing a nice thing, even if it’d be dead unfair of the universe to blame him for Roy being a frail old man.
Perhaps he could invite Dani out for another brainstorming session; it had worked a treat last time. Jamie was pretty sure that Roy had appreciated his gifts and gestures, from what peeks he’d managed to sneak of the man. Just not appreciated them enough, apparently.
It also seemed like maybe Roy was getting a tiny bit suspicious. Yesterday, he’d kept turning his head every this way and that, and sometimes stopping dead in the street and whirling around, looking a little wild-eyed. At one point Jamie had had to dive behind a couple of large rubbish bins to avoid detection. That was a pair of perfectly ripped trousers he’d never wear again.
Fuck, but he wished that—
“Jamie, are you feeling well?”
Jamie turned to look at Sam, who had stopped by his cubby, already changed and with a concerned pinch to his kind face. He looked just slightly, slightly hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure if his question would yield an answer or something sharp and snide. Jamie made an effort to smile. “Yeah, bruv, I’m sound. Just, you know, tired of not winning.
“It is disappointing. But, thanks to you it was a draw instead of a loss. And it was a very nice goal too.”
At the praise, Jamie felt his smile grow easier, more sincere. It had been a very nice goal, hadn’t it? Good of Sam to notice.
“Yeah, yeah, thanks mate. And yours were great too, you know?” he added, remembering what Dr. Sharon had said about how acknowledging other people’s accomplishments did not diminsh Jamie’s own.
The way Sam’s lips curled into a wide grin, mirroring Jamie’s own, and the way the sight of it made Jamie feel warm had him thinking she was onto something there.
“Thanks, Jamie,” Sam said simply, and gave him a friendly nod before walking back to his own cubby.
Still smiling, Jamie finally began to undress.
---
Once he was showered and changed and Ted had somehow talked them all into feeling determined and hopeful rather than dejected, Jamie hefted his bag and headed for the door. On his way out he passed by Keeley and Rebecca Welton, offering a smile to the former and a polite nod to the latter.
Keeley lit up when she saw him (and fuck, but that still did things to him, didn’t it?). “Hi, Jamie,” she said. “Listen, I was wondering if you could stop by my place tomorrow? I wanted to talk to you about some new tweaks to your brand, now that you’re playing again?”
Jamie perked right up at that. Talking to Keeley and discussing his brand? Fucking brilliant. Much better than spending another day trying to figure out what would possible make Roy Kent happy enough to appease the universe into letting Jamie call his mum.
He’d been working hard. He deserved a little break. Besides, hanging out with Keeley at her place might well yield some new Roy related ideas.
“Yeah, mint, yeah,” he said. Then a thought occurred to him and he frowned. “Or, actually, no, I can’t. The team’s doing a day trip Winchester Christmas Market after our recovery sessions. Sorry.”
He was, too. As much as he was growing to appreciate the lads and was looking forward to the trip, he’d rather spend some time with Keeley (and his brand was in sore need of some brushing up, ‘cause people were still being cunts and hung up about him walking out on City and Amy and stupid shit like that).
“Oh.” Keeley looked disappointed, which cheered him a little. “Tuesday?” she suggested.
“Sure, yeah. I mean, I’ve got training, but I could drop by after? Unless you wanna… “ He nodded towards her closed office door.
“No! I mean… No. There’s been… there’s an issue with the ventilation, yeah, it smells awful in there. Like dying animals and farts and baby vomit. Blegh. You don’t wanna go in there.”
Uh, yeah, no thank you, he sure as hell did not. Jamie made a face. “Yeah, all right,” he said. “I’ll just come by yours then?”
She nodded, looking relieved. “Great! Thank you, Jamie!”
“You’re all right.” He gave her another smile, Rebecca another nod (and noted that she for some reason seemed like she was struggling not to either roll her eyers or laugh, which was kind of rude, considering how hard Keeley worked for her and all, and she really should get Keeley’s office sorted), before heading out to his car.
So. Fun trip with the boys tomorrow – maybe he’d find something nice for Mummy and for Roy at the Christmas market – and then hanging out with Keeley the day after. So-so playing and his mummy issues aside, life wasn't so bad.
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Hi. I have some OC asks from the game you reblogged. :] Big list incoming lol.
Kani: What would you (mun) yell in the middle of a crowd to find them? What would their best friend and/or romantic partner yell?
Gordon: If someone was impersonating them, what would friends / family ask or do to tell the difference?
Sparky: If they committed one petty crime / misdemeanor, what would it be? Why?
Darby: If invited to a TED Talk, what topic would they present on? What would the title of their presentation be?
Zeta: What’s the worst gift they ever received? How did they respond?
Wormie: What fact do they excitedly tell everyone about at every opportunity?
Cassidy: Who do they like as a person but hate their work? Vice versa, whose work do they like but don’t like the person?
Phillip: Would they eat something they find gross to be polite?
okieee sorry took me 40000000 yrs to do these
Kani: To find her I'd probably have to yell out something about romance novels LOLLLL. She loves to read them and collect them even though they're all trashy and terrible a lot of the time jahswjsjbwisb. And her friend would probably yell something about being hurt because she'd come RUNNING if she thought any of them were hurt, intent on healing them. That or she would be summoned by the mention of a really cute animal or someone saying they had ice cream sandwiches lol.
Gordon: The one way to tell who the real Gordon would be is asking him where Mary is since he almost always has Mary on his person and if the imposter didn't have a Mary that answered the question "What's your opinion on grapes?" correctly, then you'd know that Gordon was a fake lol.
Sparky: Either accidentally electrocuting someone (non-fatally) or stealing something expensive but she gets away with it because she's oitty.
Darby: She'd probably be able to infodump about giraffes or the history of skateboarding and its cultural connections.
Zeta: As the king of the castle he's probably gotten many odd gifts from residents of the castle. I think a gift that he hated would probably be a food that he cannot stand, like a fruitcake or something lmaoooo. He'd probably try his very best to be polite in their presence and then as soon as they're gone either dispose of it or ask someone else to.
Wormie: She will always be excited to tell people about her pet worm on the string, Specimen, and his ever growing and changing elaborate backstory. She'll also probably be able to infodump a whole bunch about her own little ocs or stories that she enjoys. I imagine that she's sometimes gone to other locations in the game and watched some shows on the TVs and probably seen some of the birds' movies. She'd literally talk for a solid hour straight about nothing, so starved to talk to someone willing to listen.
Cassidy: Of course since she is his best friend, he likes Nicole for who she is despite not being the biggest fan of her work. He just doesn't find the genre of her movies to be that engaging to him and suggests her to add some more horror elements to her work lol. In terms of the vice versa, he used to be big a fan of both DJ Grooves and Conductor's work but after meeting them he thinks a little bit less of their work. He also used to like them as public figures before he met them and saw how arrogant they can be. He doesn't really hate them per say but he definitely wants to knock them down a few pegs and can get rather annoyed by them and their rivalry. They're not on friendly terms but he will tolerate them in his presence.
Phillip: Phillip's probably done this before LMAO. I can see him being given something AWFUL and being one of the few Express Owls who actually gives the food a fair try while the others spit it out. He'd be like ".... It's deli-- (nearly throws up) delicious..!" and then aside he'd probably say "... This is so gross-"
#mass tagging time ough#kani hau`oli ho’oponopono#kani ho’oponopono#kani#gordon ikaika#gordon#sparky ikaika#sparky#darby anderson#darby#zeta aplistia mikos#zeta apli̱stía mikos#zeta mikos#zeta#glow worm#wormie#cassidy the magpie#cassidy#phillip the express owl#phillip#answered asks#esteebarnes94
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7 | Wolves Vote
Series: A Zombie's Serenity
Paring: Zed Necrodopolis x OFC Buchanan!
Word Count: 2.1k
A/N: Might be a few mistakes, and I'm using Brenna D'Amico as how the OC's looks
| MASTERLIST |
~~~
While putting things in my locker towards the end of the day, I feel eyes on me down the hall. I turn my head to see the werewolves staring at me and it made me uncomfortable. "Can I help you?" I take a deep breath in before shouting out at them.
The whole group makes their way to me as I stand at my locker. "Are you related to the cheerleader with white hair?" The leader asks me.
"She's my cousin. Why are you asking me?" I ask confused.
"You have more white than just a strand like us." The other girl looks at my hair.
"It looks that way. You all were born with a streak?" I see they all had it.
"All werewolves do." The boy speaks up.
"Cool." I tell them.
"I'm Wyatt, my sister Willa, and then there's Wynter." He introduces the three of them.
"I'm Serenity."
"You know anything about the moonstone?" Willa asks me.
"If your talking about the thing that our settlers hid from y'all, then no. Tell me if I'm right though, they actually stole it from you. Not the way other way like they say." I close my locker.
"They did steal it and we want what's ours back." She tells me.
"I wish I could help you. I have no clue where they hid it." I say making her walk off and they all follow except Wyatt.
"Have you ever thought you were something more?" He asks me.
"You mean not human... no." I laugh.
"You could be a werewolf... your hair is unique." He touches it.
"I doubt it. There's nothing special about meeee." I get yanked away from him.
"I swear if you develop feelings for a werewolf..." Bucky says dragging me away.
"What? I was just having a conversation." I laugh.
"A zombie is dangerous but a werewolf is much more dangerous. So don't catch any feelings, got it." He finally stops.
"Got it." I agree making him smile.
"That's my sis." He walks off leaving me confused why he would assume that.
"You're coming home with me." Eliza rushes past me grabbing my hand.
"I am?" I laugh confused.
"Yes. I'm sick of the the boring three colors in your closet." She makes me laugh.
I spend hours with Eliza till it was time for curfew because the laws were back. "You got your hair curled." My dad speaks as I walk into the house.
"Yeah, Eliza did it. And also gave me some new clothes." I take everything to my room then go back downstairs for dinner.
"I can't believe there's werewolves in school. First zombies now them. What's next?" Bucky complains as we eat.
"Vampires?" I joke but no one thought it was funny. "No, okay... How about mermaids? We live in Seabrook." I smile but again it was silent. "I'm done." I give up and just eat my food.
~
"New look, sweetheart?" My mom stares at me while I get a glass of water before leaving for school.
"Thought I'd shake it up." I give her a smile as my dad comes in dropping his coffee cup while he looks at me. "You dropped your cup." I look at the broken pieces on the floor.
"I'm not cleaning that up, Ted." Mom tells him.
"Where's your normal clothes?" He asks me.
"In my closet still. I'm slightly tired of the bright colors. At the private school, our uniforms were mostly black but with other dark colors." I shrug my shoulders.
"I like it honey." My mom gives me a smile and glares at dad.
"It's a good difference." He forces a smile making me laugh.
"Okay. I'm gonna get going. Love y'all." I leave the house.
When I get to school a few people look at me weird since humans still mostly stuck to our same old three colors. Ever Zombie that look at me have me a thumbs up at least making me feel good. As I make my way towards Eliza and Zed, she sees me and smiles, "It's like I'm looking at a whole new woman." She says making Zed turn his head to look at me.
"I have you to thank." I smile at her.
"What?" Zed speaks.
"Yesterday after school she came home with me and I decided to spice up her closet. She looks good, right?" Eliza nudges me.
"Yeah." He smiles eyeing me. "Vote Zed for prez." He holds out a flyer.
"You had my vote from the start." I let him know.
"Really?" He asks.
"Yeah, just don't tell Bucky or I'll never hear the end of it." I laugh.
"Good luck, Mr. Future President." Addison shows up then eyes me. "New look?" She asks.
"Thanks to me." Eliza smiles proud of herself.
"Hey Zed, did you hear? Addie's being tested for captain, and she gets to run cheer practice tomorrow." Bree rushes up to us.
"It's not a big deal." Addison shakes her head the agrees it's huge.
"If Addie aces this practice, oh my gosh, she's so going to be cheer captain once Bucky wins. He's so gonna win, because you know, elections, they're just like theses big old popularity contests. And Bucky is super popular." She catches on after Zed thanks her. "I know it's weird I'll only be cheer captain is Bucky's president, but..." Zed cuts in on Addison.
"No, that means neither of us can lose because one of us is going to get what we want." Zed tells her.
"You'll do great, Zed." She steps closer to him leaning up but he quickly holds out a flyer stopping her.
She looks at it and he just smiles waiting for her to take it. Once she does he heads off to pass out more. Eliza looks at me with wide eyes trying to hold back a little laugh. "Ignore the Acey's, because I know you'll become captain." I tell Addison before heading to my locker to get a textbook for class.
"I really like this look on you. It's very zombie." Zed leans against the lockers next to me.
"Well it came from a zombie so..." I give him a look as I open my locker, "It's gonna be very zombie." I let out a small chuckle.
"Is it just me or are you acting like I'm annoying you?" He moves to face me.
"It's just you." I pull out my book.
"I'm sorry." He sighs.
"What are you apologizing for?" I close my locker.
"I don't know. I feel like I should be." He steps closer to me looking down at me.
"Well don't until you have a reason." I step back but he just kept stepping forward.
"Hey, we have an election to focus on." Eliza pulls him away from me.
"Right. With cheer fans in Bucky's camp, and zombies and the football team in mine, the school's split right down the middle. Werewolves are the swing vote." Zed watches them as we walk the halls.
"Wolves are key to winning this election." Eliza looks at him.
"But winning over the wolves is going to be hard." I add.
"Trust me, I got this. We're going to win the wolves votes, and more. We just have to show them how to fit it, like us. Easy." Zed says like it was nothing but when the wolves goal he gasps.
"How exactly to you plan on winning them over?" I ask him.
"I don't have a plan yet but don't worry. I got this, babe." He heads to class.
"Babe?" Eliza and I repeat and look at each other.
"He's losing it." She sighs.
"You don't say." I agree with her and we head to class.
During the last class of the day the teacher pairs me with Zed for the homework assignment. I look behind me and he just smiles at me, "Wanna come over and work on it after school?" He asks me.
"Sure." I agree and he nods his head with a big smile.
After school before Zed wanted to work on the homework, he wanted to go talk to the werewolves first. "Hello wolves, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Zed, zombie, football star, presidential hopeful." Zed puts his hand it to them and they stare at it so he laughs weakly, "Okay." He gives up.
"When zombies first came to Seabrook, we were outsiders, too. Not very well liked by others. Which is why you need a great president like Zed to represent you." Eliza tells them. "We'd be honored if you guys joined us." She adds.
"Our pack is our pack. We don't need anyone else, so..." Wynter stands up.
"Who doesn't want more friends? Underneath all that fluffy hair, I bet you're a real softie." Zoey looks up at her.
"I am a mean, mean werewolf, kid. I am tough and rough." Wynter bends down to her level.
"Aww, you said ruff. Like a sweet little puppy dog. Ruff, ruff!" Zoey says making me smile at her.
"We are beasts of the forest, we will never be tamed. Oh boy. Oh wow, that's great. Oh wow." She stops acting tough when Zoey scratches behind her ear.
"We're nothing like you zombies." Willa stands up.
"You sort of are. Your moonstone necklaces are powered, right? Kind of like their organic Z-bands." I motion to her necklace.
"You're smarter than he looks." She tells me and Zeds face falls making me laugh/
"Thanks, and I am smarter than him." I tell her.
"That necklace keeps you from fully wolfing out?" Zed tries to touch her necklaces so she smacks his hand away.
"The opposite. Our moonstones make us our true werewolf selves." She explains.
"So without it you'd be human?" Zed asks.
"No, we'd die. We'd be nothing." She tells him.
"Imagine how alive you'd feel if you didn't have to tamp things down. Hold back your true selves." He changes the topic.
"Actually, Eliza has a theory." I point at her and she tries to say we might've evolved beyond our need for the band but Zed stops her.
"Z-bands are great. They help you fit in. And I think you guys would have a much better time at Seabrook if you just followed in our footsteps. Join a club, play football. I'll even teach you how to tackle. Just lighten up. Be more like us." He tells them so they get up to leave.
"Do it like the zombies do. Brush your fangs when you wake up. Comb your hair, do your make up. Sleep at night, don't stay up. Do it like the zombies do. Don't stand out when you're fittin' in. When in doubt, do the opposite." Zed gets their attention while Zoey and I watch.
"Don't listen to him, he's a hypocrite." Wyatt and Willa tell the pack.
"Do it like the zombies do. All you got do is give an inch, then we gon' take it to the top. Do it like the zombies do." Zed tells them.
"When the moon is full, no howling." Willa comes back at him.
"Don't run in the halls, no growling." Wyatt joins in.
"Let's go to the mall, start styling. Do it like the zombies do. Trim your claws, get a manicure." Willa gets sassy.
"Cut your bangs, leave it on the floor." Wyatt adds.
"Now wag your tail like a Labrador." Wynter shakes her imaginary tail.
"Do it like zombies do. All you got do is give an inch then we gon' take it to the top. Do it like the zombies do, don't stop." Zed goes under Wyter's arm before grabbing her hand to make her join but Wyatt moves are away.
"Stand up, stand up, stand up straight, do your homework. Smile a lot when you network. Did I mention no one gets hurt?" Zed puts his arms around Willa an Wyatt before elbowing him in he chest. "Do it like the zombies do. I hope you're open to my advice." He hands them two hats.
"Oh, it's invaluable to us, right?" Willa asks.
"Huh, sounds like this could be a paradise." Wyatt says it sarcastically. "Do it like the zombies do." They take the hats off throwing them to the ground.
"Why should we change? They should be like us. Yeah, he may eat brains, but he's got no guts." Willa makes the wolves laugh. "He's gone insane, yeah, he's acting nuts. Come on, we've got moves to bust." Wyatt says before they all join together and Zoey and I copy the dance of the the side having fun.
All you got do is give an inch then we gon' take it to the top
Do it like the zombies do, don't stop
Do it like the zombies do
Wynter tackles Zed as he spins a football on his finger making all the wolves laugh then all howl. "Ugh!" Zed groans in pain.
#zed necrodopolis#addison wells#bucky buchanan#eliza zambie#bonzo zombies#bree zombies#wyatt lykensen#willa lykensen#wynter barkowitz#a lan#a li#a spen#zombies#disney zombies#zombies 2#dcom#zombies dcom#milo manheim
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Hypnoswap and change
Just a little refresher I am the son of a warlock at the age of 18, I receive my powers able to change peoples looks and bodies through the spells that I cast, I also love doing hypnosis that was really enhance through my warlock abilities, I like to give people trigger words that would better themselves or embarrass them , depending if it was somebody I liked or somebody that was a bully or just plain jerk, I am now 20 years old and have become stronger and more skillful , for example when I was a kid there was a bully named Fred that pick on me and  several of my friends,  he used to Call us Little faggots give us wedgies or take our backpack’s , The usual kid stuff, well I ran into him a few months ago he started talking to me like he never did anything before to us. He acted like we were old friends, I thought this guy is such an asshole, how can you not remember embarrassing me so many times growing up.  so I thought I would teach him a lesson, actually Fred turned out to be a good looking guy with a great body I thought I would change that, so I hypnotized him into thinking every time he went to the gym and seen a good looking guy working out he would become so extremely horny and hard he couldn’t contain himself and the harder he got the more aroused he got , that he had to start playing with himself until he relieved himself and then once he relieved himself he would be so hungry he would have to eat at least 5 pounds of food after each time he has sex. So I ran into Fred two or three months later and the change in him was unbelievable he went from a stud to 300 pound obese person.
Fred before. Fred after
After I ran into Fred, I removed his triggers ,but if he has the energy , he can get back into shape and hopefully he learned his lesson. But I did add one more new trigger, that every time he picked on someone , he would find them incredibly sexy , and he would have incredible erotic urges , that he would do anything for them to make them happy.
One of my friends Ted who still lives on the same street I do is going to school full time he knows I’m a gym rat and asked if he could work out with me , so he started going to the gym and started following my workout routines, but he was a skinny kid ,just so busy with school and his job , he barely had enough free time with his studies added in. 
Ted
So Ted gets to the gym before me one day he started working out and too jocks We’re giving him a hard time, as he was benching 60 pounds on the benchpress they were laughing at him. Saying that their girlfriend could bench more than him. When I arrived at the gym and join him the two guys sort of scurried away. I could see Ted was upset, I asked him what it happened and he told me. I could see the frustration in Ted’s face after trying so hard for the last few months without much or any gains to speak of. Then I tear ran down his cheek, I told Ted that’s enough I’ll take care of them.
The two gym jerks
I told Ted go ahead and take off i’m going to take care of these two guys and solve your problem at the same time, Ted replied how are you gonna solve my problem I’m still just gonna be a skinny little twig , I just replied and said that will be changing real soon.
So I walked over to the two guys and introduced myself and said wow you guys are looking good, looks like you’re making great gains, they both smiled and said thanks, one of the guys replied and said that I looked awesome also , I told them that I was a hypnotist that I could enhance their workouts , if they wanted to be hypnotized they both looked intrigued  and said yes we would give it a go. So I started to hypnotize both of them , and told them they had an incredible urge to keep going to the gym at least twice a day and at least two hours at a time working out as hard as they could, and after each workout they feel wonderful , And that they will become incrediblyhorny , they would be so overpowered and so hard that’s all they could think about ,the harder they got the horny they’d got , the more pleasure they would feel , and the pleasure becomes 10 times more intense than you ever have felt before, and after they came all they could think about was getting back into the gym. And each time they would just feel more wonderful and more overpowered with so much sensitivity that they couldn’t control themselves. hypnosis is done , now my spell, I put a spell on the two guys that all of their workouts and new gains would be transferred over to Ted and each time they jerked off , half an inch of their dicks would be transferred over to Ted and their balls would shrink a little and Teds would grow. And since all the new gains of muscles would go to Ted , it would be like those guys weren’t working out at all and their muscles will become smaller and smaller as time went on. And I said at the count of five you will wake up and feel wonderful, but not remember what I said. One you feel good , two you really wanna work out hard, three after each workout you become incredibly horny, four you just wanna hit the gym again, five repeat, awake. So guys how do you feel , they both answered That they felt wonderful , I feel like doing another work out , they both headed back to the weights and started working out.
I get home I go over to Ted’s house who is still a little upset over what happened at the gym. I told him not to worry about it just keep up with your studies and your job I’m gonna give you some new supplements , I hear they do wonders and you don’t even have to work out Ted said really I never heard anything like that , I said we’ll just try it, we’ll see how it goes.  so Ted decided to quit going to the gym and just try the supplement , and focus on his studies and his job I told him just give it a month and see how it goes and he agreed. Two days later I went back to the gym and I seen the two fellows just lifting weights like crazy they walked over to me and said thanks, they couldn’t believe how good they felt, I just said no problem and sort of laughed , As they finish their work out they walk into the locker room where I was changing the two boys walked in and started changing I could see there big bulges ready to bust through their shorts, seeing how big these boys were I kept thinking, Teds going to be one huge boy , by the time these boys are done. While I week goes by and I stop by Teds house To see how he’s doing he answer the door I looked at him , he did look a little bit bigger a little more defined. I said how are those supplements working Ted replied wow I feel great my body is really starting to tone up, And I have to tell you something else I feel little embarrassed , but those pills, do they increase anything else , I knew what he was talking about , but I just played along with him and said what do you mean , he said please don’t laugh , but my penis has grown, like over two inch’s and my balls are getting bigger, I told him maybe you’re having a late puberty or growth spurt or maybe it’s the supplements I don’t know, I just said well that’s something I probably wouldn’t complain about, are you happy about it , and he just smiled and said hell yes.
So about another month goes by and Ted comes by my house, I answer the door he looked really good , I can see his endowment at this point it was really getting hard to hide he looked huge. So I told him, you’re looking pretty good there buddy, he said yeah this is amazing. Those supplements are working great I can’t believe the muscle I’ve gain by doing nothing, and remember what I told you about my penis size i’ve grown another 10 inches I’m starting to get a little worried, I reassured him, it would probably stop pretty soon.  And my balls are the size of tennis balls, their really getting hard to hide , plus the fact that I’m so horny all the time and sensitive ,don’t get me wrong it’s wonderful, besides his large endowment he’s probably gained 20 pounds of muscle in the last month so his really starting to look like a stud , he just smiled and said thanks so much for the supplements, in the back of my mind , those guys dicks must be getting really small , they can’t have too much more to give.
So Ted went away for his fall semester I didn’t see him for the next four months when he got back, he came and visited me, I looked at him an amazement, he was a lot bigger even bigger than I was now, and I could see his dick hanging really low, it looked like he was ready to burst out of those jeans he was wearing he had to be 12 inches soft and you could see his balls in those jeans they were really huge, I said wow Ted you look like magnificent those supplements they really worked , he wanted to thank me. You really change my life I feel great I look great and you’re right my dick finally stopped growing . I said Ted if you don’t mind can you tell me how big are you now Ted replied , well I’m 18“ x 10“ wide and my balls are like almost softball size, and I have to tell you ,the sex I have now is incredible, I am so sensitive and I shoot such incredible loads and I can come multiple times., I told Ted that those supplements had been discontinued and I don’t have any more ,he should start going to the gym now, to keep his gains , Ted just replied well with this great body I’ll have no problem ,if you wouldn’t mind going with me a few times to get me into my routines again, I told him no problem.
The next day we hit the gym and the two guys that picked on him the first time looked over at us in amazement of Ted , not realizing how small they have gotten , and still having the urge to work out , I had to remove the spell,, so Ted and I finished Our workout Ted went home, I told him I was just gonna go take a shower. I waited for the boys to go into the locker room they finished their work out. I followed them in , as I walked into the locker room they were stripped naked playing with their two little knobs they both had to be only 1 /2 inch in length, there balls the size of peanuts, they were both jerking off in front of each other they couldn’t stop themselves , if they came one more time there dicks would probably be nonexistent I stopped them and I remove the spell, so now when they work out their gains will come back.  They were so skinny now ,but they would have to live with there tiny little dicks, and I did leave the trigger that each time they finished working out they had the urge to jerk off and could not stop themselves.
The new Ted
. The two gym jerks
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If thinking about Battinson and motn was a job I’d be a multi billionaire bestie. Here are some headcanons I have in my silly noggin.
I could just be saying it because I’m a cat person, but he’s definitely a cat person. I picture Bruce on the inside being like “look how cute it is! Look at those little paws!” He’d definitely make a pact with himself to protect the little boy at all costs. On the outside I can picture him being like the memes of a dad with the cat he didn’t want if that makes sense. Him and the cat are best friends.
Also Bruce Wayne loves cinnamon rolls. Freshly baked cinnamon rolls. His mom used to make them homemade and it’s a comfort food for him. It’s cannon. I don’t care if it isn’t—it is. Also omelettes are now a comfort food for Bruce for obvious reasons.
In the most recent one shot you mention that she reads while waiting up for him. I can see him totally showing interest in what she’s reading. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a big horror fan, and on my tbr pile for this year is Tender is the Flesh. It’s supposed to be a gruesome novel. It should be. Cannibalism is legal in it. I can’t wait to read it. Anyways, I can totally picture Bruce being like “man, that’s fucked up. I love her so much.”
We talked briefly about both her and Bruce being sick, but here’s an angsty thought. Okay, so ever since I found out your appendix bursting can kill you I’ve wanted that shit removed. I don’t need it and it could possibly kill me? Get it out. Not to brag but I’m kinda known for not taking care of myself. Imagine her needing surgery because of something like that. I feel like it would take Bruce out. Her being in surgery would remind him of the gala, and he would hate it.
Speaking of the gala, I know in one shot of Bruce’s pov throughout chapters 28 and 29 he had a small interaction with Gordon. I picture Gordon routinely checking on her before she wakes up for the first time and trying to make small talk with Bruce because he clearly needs it. He’d be kinda awkward because Bruce Wayne is just sitting there like a statue. Alfred would engage with Gordon. Honestly Alfred and Gordon having a conversation would be funny.
What do you think their first fight as a couple would be about?
Her and Alfred definitely co-conspire on how they can get Bruce to eat three meals a day.
Bruce definitely loves taking a nap with her.
Anyways thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
🦇
I. Love. This. So many ideas!!! I was actually toying with having them find a stray cat in the sequel 😂 He would TOTALLY be like the grumpy dad who didn't want a cat but actually loves it with his whole heart!
He definitely has comfort foods like that. But he never ever asks for them. But she learns quickly how much he loves it because he just can't quite pretend not to be excited about it
He would also be like that re: a horror book. Or like a fucked up true crime documentary. "That's fucked up....love it and her"
If she ever needed any kind of surgery or hospital visit again he would have so much PTSD about it. He would act like she was dying all over again even if she wasn't! "I'm kinda known for not taking care of myself" 😂 you're just like Bruce
Yes to the Gordon part!!! He'd try so hard to interact with Bruce (because Bruce was so obviously fucked up over it all) but Bruce probably wouldn't even notice Gordon was there. So then Alfred & Gordon would probably bond. I bet Alfred would give Gordon parenting advice 😂
I'm not sure what their first fight as a couple would be about. Something dumb probably. Like when I got married our first "fight" was over whether or not to close the toilet seat lid. I don't even know why we fought about it but we argued about it hard. I've been told that that's normal after the whole honeymoon phase though 😂
Either that or they would fight about something with Batman. Like I think I mention in the epilogue or something her finding his journals--he would catch her with them and freak out because, hello, emotional vulnerability and he's also so worried about her shying away from his darkness & violence. It would definitely be an argument.
Her & Alfred 100% conspire to keep Bruce fed. And ways to get him to relax more. Like in the movie where Alfred just brings him a juice or whatever--they just keep setting various foods in front of him while he's distracted so he doesn't give any thought to eating
The naps are also how she gets him to rest more! She'll be all fake-pouty and ask to cuddle, say she doesn't want to be alone or something, then pretend to sleep until he falls asleep.
I love this. I love imagining these little domestic scenarios with them. I want to write them all. MOTN is 120,000 words and I could easily write 50,000 more of just pure domestic fluff!
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this is the excerpt i mentioned in My Thepandaredd's OC Notes about my hc of Bill The Professional Henchman's surname being "Bail" and my OC (Kaycie Harjo, they/them, who eventually works as an apprentice to Alfred Pennyworth since he is already p fucking elderly and you cannot convince me he is the only staff-person in the manor) ragging on him about how fake of surname that sounds like
this is not the finished form of the scene. it is just me having written down this scene a few weeks ago (out of fear my chronic memory loss would eat it) and am now just gonna copy-paste it. this is a first rough-draft. excuse any/all mispellings, im dyslexic and, to the best of my memory-loss-riddled recollection, i do not think this isn't edited in the slightest
optional context for scene:
Bill betrayed Kaycie's trust, hurt their feelings, that kind of thing (no spoilers). he finally got them to come see him at a Big Belly Burger, his suggestion of "neutral territory". he came early, bought them food. Kaycie stormed in, sat down with crossed arms, refused his food, and went all "Talk." / "...That's ruder than a Pinkie Pie like you usually gets." / "You said you wanted to talk, Bill, so fucking talk." and this is Bill's big apology gesture of good faith bc he misses his friend to get back on their good side: letting Kaycie know his fucking surname (so stupid lmao)
also, they became best friends over quite a bit of time, it's not a speedy affair. i'm torn on one of two possible ways they became friends (and then best friends). doesn't matter for the following out-of-context scene; i just wanted it known i do have plans. also, i feel compelled to mention that i do see Bill as older than Kaycie by quite some years. picture "Ted Lasso"'s Keely and Rebecca kind of age-gap friendship ("intergenerational" is the better term than "age-gap", probably, but it isn't as funny to me lol). but maybe i'll change that (i definitely will if Bill is supposed to be closer to the older Bat-kids age, like Kaycie is. i currently see Bill as at least 12+ years older than Dick Grayson but some-odd years younger than Bruce Wayne's age)
also, if thepandaredd ever reads this: i do apologize if i have characterized Bill incorrectly. again, first draft version of writing the character, still learning about him, i digress
Kaycie made a face at Bill's phone-screen, where the big secret he was holding up was a simple singular sentence, newly written and about to be newly deleted in his phone's notes. "Wait... your last-name is Bail?" They crossed their arms. "So, like your name is 'Bill Bail'? Are you fucking kidding me? That, like, almost rhymes. And is it really like, bail money, where you pronounce that like 'bailed on the job once the Bats arrived'-kind-of-'bail'?" Kaycie's face scrunched up at Bill's cagy nod. "No." They stopped being quiet. "No, you had to have picked this, this has to be a fake name, absolutely not."
Bill waved upset shushing sounds at them. ("Oh, you did not just shush me, Billie.") "Not so fucking loud." He hissed, equally as failing to be subtle now. "Are you done? Or do you have more bullshit to get out of your fucking system?"
"I just think if you were going to lie to me, you know, Hench and Henchman are real last-names, your fake-name could at least be kind of funny. Or convincing. No parent would ever pick Bill Bail for their kid's name."
"Actually, my parents named me William Bail, fuck you very much."
Kaycie paused. "You're serious."
"I opened up to you."
"Wow." They said, deadpanned. "I can see why this is such a vulnerable topic for you."
"I'm a henchman," He leaned in, pointing at them, whispering as he looked suspicously around at the Big Belly Burger's other customers. "I'm not supposed to tell anybody my fucking name."
"Can't be hard with a name like that," Kaycie rolled their lips together. "Everyone will think you're lying as soon as you say it."
"I can't risk giving the villains or other goons my goddamn family tree of fucking weaknesses."
"Right, right, right." They were beginning to fucking giggle at him as they reached all the way over the table to steal his fries— fries he got them that they had claimed they didn't even want back when they were mad at him. "Because the Joker and Punchline totally look through a person's Facebook when wanting to manipulate them."
"Ugh." Bill fell back into the red and yellow, sparkly booth. These fucking seats smelled like mustard. Gross. "Shut up."
"Sorry," They smiled, "I meant Two-Face and Instagram."
"Will you fucking stop?"
"The Riddler and Twitter."
"Don't make me regret telling you."
"How does that work by the way?" Kaycie talked while eating and Bill just watched them. "Not telling anybody you work with your name, but then there's the Goonion and all its paperwork? Also, like, your phone contacts would do you in too, right? Just yoink, bam, weaknesses."
Bill waited for some dad-joke punchline to somehow enter the dialogue. But none came. His muscles untensed. "The villains and shit get our ID numbers and bar-codes if they want to re-hire us, along with a list of what we approve to be called by them. And most henchmen in the Goonion keep their personal phones at home, locked up while they're on the job, and keep a burner at work."
"But you don't." Kaycie pointed a fry at him like one would a finger. I know you.
Bill squirmed a bit. "I don't," He relented. "I memorize my people's phone-numbers so I'm not leaving a list of my vulnerabilities in a handheld box like a fucking moron, and I have a bot auto-delete my texts after 2 hours if I'm not deleting them myself. Plus, there's some black market apps to scramble who I'm calling, so I don't have to worry about them finding my call-log, like a VPN kind of. Because of course the black market has its own fucking app-store by now." Remembering the legalities of court-rooms and eavesdroppers and people the G.C.P.D. wire, he added, "Allegedly. I wouldn't know. I would check if there was such an app-store if I hypothetically needed to do hench-work. Which I don't." He leaned in close to them again, his voice hushed as he pushed Kaycie all "his" fries. "They don't even fucking know my name is William, y'know, I'm waiting for you to be fucking grateful."
"Mmhmm." Kaycie pushed the fries back to be mid-way between them to share before taking another small handful. "Yes, I do feel incredibly special knowing your parents didn't think through your nickname-plus-surname combo before finalizing your birth-certificate. This must have been hard for you to admit."
"I'll have you know that I happen to like my name."
Disbelief made Kaycie freeze mid-bite. "Do you really?"
"Yes." A pause. "Mostly."
Kaycie resumed eating. "I'm just skeptical because you sure do say 'It's Bill, just Bill' a lot."
"I just explained why I do that!"
"Have I hit your limit on fondly mocking you?"
Bill sighed, pinching his nose-bridge. "Almost."
"Good, because I now need to know if your parents' names are also dumb." [*]
"And, just like that, my limit has been suddenly fucking hit." He sagged back as he turned his head away with crossed arms, much like a preteen sibling stubbornly would. "I'm not answering that today, try again never."
"Fine." Kaycie pouted before hesitating shyly. "...I am touched though. Just so you know." They pushed the fries closer to him. Eat.
"Yeah?" He ate a couple of fries, mostly so Kaycie themself would feel free to eat more.
"Mmhm." Kaycie did take more. Predictable. "Which is weird. I never thought there was intimacy in knowing a person's last-name before. I am glad I know it." They pointed at him sternly. "I better not read it in any obituary sections of upcoming newspapers. No becoming collateral damage, not allowed."
"Yeah." He looked down, rubbing his knuckles. "I... hope you don't die anytime soon, too."
"D'aww, Billie! You're such a softie."
"Wha-?" Bill jolted up. "Am not! Besides, you said it first!"
"But not as sweet and mushy as you did! You don't want me to die! That's so cute."
"Ugh." Bill sank back into the plastic-y booth and tipped the bill of his hat down, the way some old men do before a nap or some idiots do to hide their face from someone searching for them. "You're hitting on my stupid sap limit too, y'know."
"You love me, and I love you," They leaned their face close to the table to meet his eyes to spite him, "And we now both know each other's names, and we're besties!"
"Hey!" He whispered harshly, though Kaycie just quietly scoffed at him and how Bill's shoulders were hunched up to his ears as he moved his hat back up so his eyes could better look side to side. The pair was at a Big Belly Burger in broad daylight, not some villain-only speakeasy. "Not so loud." And just because he knew he couldn't deny the "love" bit without making Kaycie just as mad at Bill as they were before they got here, he said: "And we are not fucking 'besties'."
"Right, right, right. We are," Kaycie puffed out their chest and spoke in a deep 'man' voice, "'Best friends'." And then relaxed, smug about purposefully missing his point. They don't notice how Bill's face changes for a moment. "Afterall, your street cred is in dire need of protection and that is the manly way to say the thing."
Bill snorted, softening his shoulders yet tightening his fist, as he nodded his chin up. "Fuck yeah, it is."
Kaycie broke at that, cackling happily, which made Bill start keel over with some soft chuckles too. His concern for anyone staring dissolved a bit, at least for a while.
Because there was an underlying sadness to Bill's from the moment his face changed, the type of dejection people usually only have when they're so happy with their dog or cat that they make themselves sad over the intrusive reminder that their lifetimes don't match up enough for things to be like this forever. Bill's firmness that they were definitely not "besties", the point behind it being for Kaycie to not accidentally make themself a target, fell away to the realization that he might not have many chances to affirm that. The fact that he does value them so highly. That they are close. He might die. He might have to hide, disappear, never come back or get back in contact.
Or, worse, someone might realize Bill has some new, local, walking, talking blackmail material and go after Kaycie. It was more likely people would realize Kaycie has some level of importance to the Wayne Manor due to their job, and use Kaycie to those ends, sure. But Bill wasn't a stranger to refusing to cross certain lines, picking and choosing his battles, and nonetheless making higher-ups very mad about it; or, hell, even going head to head with another henchman who maybe just was particularly petty and dangerous enough. Any of them might look around for a person as a way to control Bill. And if they get to Kaycie, it will work. Kaycie could get hurt or die because of Bill himself, directly.
Because there was no way both of them would live to be wrinkly old fucks, no way Bill would ever be anything but the "torn away from us too soon" type, despite Kaycie's past insistences of them someday arguing over bingo and what time the movie downtown was showing. Bill would be so fucking lucky if he had another five, ten years of being this close to someone. He'd be so downright grateful if he could even have a guarantee on another three-odd months.
He was usually better at avoiding this kind of thing, at keeping friendly but never bonding. Something was going to give. An anvil-sized shoe will drop fucking soon.
And, with that kind of sobering thought: a little indulgement against the inevitable tragedy Kaycie Harjo would wreck onto his heart was simple. Kaycie always let him know they loved their best friend; he just wanted to let them know it was mutual, as much as he could let himself tell them anyway.
In that moment, it felt really good to not be scared or scary. Addictive, even.
---
[*] : i dont have hc names for Bill's parents, but a lady married into the Bail family-name being called "Monet Bail" (that's one of my bff's middle names! she was given it bc her dad wanted her to "get that money 'moneehh'", i kid you not, it was almost her first name because her dad liked that joke so much) with her husband nicknamed "Skipper" would be funny puns. but i truly think Bill's parents probably have unfunny, benign names. nonetheless, this is what Kaycie will assume his parents are called until told proven otherwise
● i also feel a bit inclined to mention Kaycie Harjo is based off of my labels (bc i never see a fictional character fully match all of me, and i am hungry for representation) but their personality is different than mine (for instance: im shy, jumpy, and overthinking to the point of arguable paranoia) (which i do love self-inserts btw, Kaycie is just not one of those). but yeah, i just have never seen another Indigenous American character who looks like me (i'm pale, short, and have short-hair, bc apparently hair on my neck is a sensory-overload for my peanut brain) that is a two-spirited feminine they/them in media; and in addition to all that, is one that is not powerful. at least, Kaycie's eventual peak "power level" is p equal to Alfred "He is just a British veteran guy with a gun and some damn fine aim for his age, innit?" Pennyworth's peak (his peak as a butler, not when he was an active soldier)— where, despite their lack of power/prowess yet is still valuable to everyone; again, despite the vast amounts of ways Kaycie cannot contribute to the team and is actually a burden to them, Kaycie is still considered valuable (wow, it's almost like my disabled ambulatory-wheelchair-user ass who cannot do a lot of "productive" physical shit is projecting, that's wild). so like. there's Kaycie basic info for you. surprise, it is v similar to mine, i wonder why lol
#sneak peek#my writing#kaycie harjo#my ocs#thepandaredd#bill the professional henchman#bill the henchman#jay morton
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4, 8, 10, 37, 41
4. A character you rarely talk about?
Valiel / Nihilus / and Absinthe I guess. I didn't put a whole lot of character building into any 3 of them besides kinda being side characters to more important ocs stories (Val and Absinthe for Michael, Nihilus for Gabriel) and that's on me. Val is a very lovely angel who is a loyal soldier, and one of Michael's closest friends/confidants. Maybe even lover at rare points idk. Nihilus is another priest in Gabriel's world, either one who trained alongside him or Gabriel trained himself? Friend turned someone who's suspicious of Gabriel. Absinthe is a succubus demon who butts heads with Michael frequently. I have a fun little idea of a 3 team save the world type interaction between Absinthe, Michael, and Mariel, where Mariel kinda helps Michael and Absinthe better get along.
8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!
I dont sadly. I've tried to make oc rp blogs in the past but I get overwhelmed on trying to make the blog look nice and just being shy overall with them. I would love to rp more in private though so. If you're interested dm me or smth idk
10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design?
I think Augustine's design is the most complicated rn. All the frills and ornate designs gold watchers have... god. And ofc I want Augustine to be more flashy compared to other gold watchers, that's just what Augustine gives. Eventually I want to draw a more full body portrait of Augustine but eehhhhh hard
37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human
Victor :)
Victor's species is a species that evolved aside humanity, sharing humanoid traits but obviously different. They feed off of humans, and while their species is unnamed, Victor will allow you to call them a vampire since that's the closest analog to them that humans have come up with. They are not a vampire. Victor has lived for about 300 years but is not immortal. Their species hails from Siberia so they are white and have point coloration on their extremities. They are also all intersex, each member of the species able to get pregnant or get others pregnant. But it's usually a dominance thing when it comes to breeding where more submissive members of the tribe are the ones to carry young. Their species can vocalize like humans can, and in fact is how they lure human prey to their deaths, mimicking human voices calling for help. Victor was different though and actually learned how to speak and learned about humanity. They still ofc need to eat human prey so they gave themselves a code to only eat shitty people they meet or people they like tell them about. Lol.
41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)
aaaa yes yes 🥺
For Michael someone on my tmc blog drew this of him:
It makes me sad bc they submitted it anonymously so I don't know who did it but it's so good.
I also commissioned my partner (not tagging his blog for now bc he's been targeted by a huge harassment campaign) to draw Michael:
For Gabriel there's a couple drawings from when he was an ihnmaims au oc with a couple other ocs from that server / Ted
I dont remember who did these unfortunatelllyy
And ofc my partner has doodled him a couple times:
Thank you so much for askingggg ;;;;;
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What if paranoid Bella told Carlisle what's going on and enlisted his help? Like if she overheard/learned something that made her think he might help, or if this is the Bella who's stuck in a time loop and figures it's worth a shot and at worse she'd be yeeted right back to the beginning of the loop if the vampire doctor is in cahoots with his scary son?
Anon is referring to Paranoid Bella. Now, Paranoid Bella has tried something like this once before, sort of, Billy called Carlisle on her behalf. It went places so awful I refuse to put them down in words.
Here the question is what if Bella asked Carlisle herself.
Why Paranoid Bella Would Never Do This
She can't trust any of the Cullens, for all she knows, they're in league with Edward. Bella's wearing her tin foil hat and that tin foil hat has kept her alive, dammit. For all she knows, this Dracula's Bride thing is just what vampires do and she's the latest victim.
She would never, ever, trust any of the Cullens. Ever.
Dr. Cullen seems nice as he stitches her up? IT'S A TRAP!
As For Time Loop Bella...
Anon's referring to this post, which... You really want this AU, don't you? I think that's conflating things a little too much here, and gives us way too different of a set up.
That Bella would probably try anything and everything, but she's also reached a point of nihilism where she just doesn't care anymore and might just do it to fuck with these people.
Even if she tells Carlisle, she probably keeps looping, and is well aware of this. Life is misery, pain, and endless.
Kind of misses the spirit of your post (which I assume is to get Paranoid Bella out of the miserable hole she's stuck in).
Bella Takes a Leap of Faith
But alright, Carlisle Cullen seems unusually cool and rational as he stitches her up. Maybe it's the pain talking, or Bella's own increasing desperation with her latest brush with morality, but she realizes just as Edward does that this is untenable.
If Bella keeps hanging around these people, as Edward insists she does (Edward having insisted on this goddamn birthday party at his house), then she will die sooner or later. Either Edward or his family will eat her.
This cannot go on and, as of that moment, Bella doesn't know that Edward is going to attempt to leave her within a few days.
This is the first time she's alone with Carlisle, the head of the coven, and probably the only time she ever will be. This is the only chance she'll ever have to ask for help from someone who can actually do something about it.
Bella interrupts Carlisle's "Edward's just weirdly religious" explanation and tells him that Edward's a lunatic. She needs help.
Carlisle has a, "Wait, what?" moment. He knew she was jumpy, very nervous, but she'd seemed very happy with Edward. Also, from his perspective, Edward is a very noble spirit if very young. Edward went on the human diet and came back, presumably understanding the inherent worth of human life. Edward voted not to murder Bella after the truck.
Yes things have been... weird, and Carlisle was concerned, still is about some parts, but it seemed to be going so well.
It's not.
He sits there in numb horror as Bella tells him all about the times Edward snuck through her window (greasing it to make it silent), to stare at her while she sleeps, the time he threatened to kill himself upon her inevitable death, how he has admitted to following her everywhere and spying on her through the thoughts of those around her, and all about that time he contemplated the murder of his entire Biology class to eat Bella: his personal brand of heroin.
Carlisle's listening to someone talk about a completely different person.
But Bella's insistent, Edward Cullen is Ted Bundy in the making, and Bella now has no other recourse but to turn to Carlisle. HELP. ME.
Well, they don't have much time left.
Edward will be back any moment and Carlisle... there must be some misunderstanding, right? Except, with some of these details, there's no misunderstanding this. If Edward actually said and did all of this: then this is horrible.
Regardless, it's very clear that Bella wants nothing to do with the Cullens and especially with Edward. That makes things very clear: Carlisle has to talk to Edward on Bella's behalf and get him to back the fuck off.
Though Carlisle does warn Bella that, as she knows the secret, she and the coven are technically breaking the law. If she's found out, Bella will either be murdered or turned. It's not necessarily likely anyone will find out but... It's not exactly a great position for the coven to be in, or Bella for that matter.
This is news to Bella.
Bella says she'll think about this vampire business (she's not thrilled) and really doesn't want to join the Cullens, and Carlisle will talk to Edward.
The talk doesn't go well.
Edward denies, denies, denies, and... admits some of it might be true were you to look at it from a the naive angle of a pure young woman who knows nothing of the world. Edward wasn't sneaking into Bella's room to rape/eat her, no, he was protecting her! From spiders! And that time he forced her to ride home with him, he was afraid she wouldn't be able to drive after fainting! And that time he almost murdered all of Biology... That was out of context, Carlisle.
Carlisle grows increasingly horrified as Edward's every answer confirms that he is, in fact, horrifying. This is someone who cares nothing about human life, not truly, and is a predator.
Carlisle immediately tells Edward it's over. Consider this a restraining order from Bella, he is never to speak to her, never to be near her, never to see her ever again.
Edward implodes.
Carlisle now hates him, this is terrible, Bella his true love doesn't love him at all and poisoned Carlisle against him, and she's ruined everything!
Spiraling further into madness, as one does, Edward concludes that Bella was a vile villainess: that this was her plan the entire time. She faked her love for him, faked being this utterly wonderful and perfect being, so that she could destroy his family as well as Edward himself? Why? Because she's the type who wants to see the world burn.
Edward's love turns to utter hatred, he's back in Biology again where this little girl dares to disrupt his life, only it's 1000 times worse. Bella Swan is the greatest evil that has ever walked this Earth.
And now he's a man with nothing to lose.
Carlisle's love for him? Already gone. Carlisle's faith in Edward's humanity? Gone. Why should Edward hold back anymore? Why shouldn't he have what he wants?
Within a few days, by the time Edward was originally going to leave, he sneaks into Bella's house and murders her in her bedroom. He then likely desecrates her corpse so she's unrecognizable, to make her as ugly in death as she should have been in life.
Edward then flees, leaving the coven for good, and returns to his diet of people. Not murderers and rapists anymore though, that pretense is done, because he's fully embraced being a monster.
I imagine out of pettiness he kills women who look like Bella.
Conclusion
Congratulations, anon, you have lost the Twilight Yandere Simulator.
#twilight#twilight meta#twilight headcanon#twilight renaissance#bella swan#paranoid bella#carlisle cullen#edward cullen#anti edward cullen#edward/bella#meta#headcanon#opinion
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Ted Lasso 2x6 thoughts
I felt like the physical embodiment of a series of iconic reaction GIFs while watching this episode. I felt like Higgins gagging on air and right and wrong choices. As an invested, non-casual Ted Lasso viewer, I feel quite absorbed in the experience of every episode, but I’m not usually a LOUD non-casual Ted Lasso viewer. At one point last night, I shouted “This is the wackiest show ever made!” at @bristler, and that doesn’t even sound like something I would say. And by “wacky” I just meant “all the emotions are happening at once.”
This episode was absolutely great and I knew that every single Rebecca Welton feeling I have would intensify because of this episode and that is exactly what happened.
This is me bravely writing down my episode thoughts after only one viewing (just like last week) and a bad night of sleep! Copious spoilers and emotions ahead...
This show goes all in on hats! A lot of bad hats for giving bad relationship advice and making bad decisions! Feel like you’re gonna do something correctly? Just put on a bad hat, that’ll snap you right out of it. Just had a revelation that you are almost certainly in an abusive relationship? Your girlfriend is hiding in the parking lot with a terrible hat for you! (I love this show.)
Dark forest dark forest dark forest dark forest.
I truly, truly, truly do not mean this to sound judgmental of any other fan, but it’s taking everything in my power not to just type “dark forest” in the comments of every person who is outraged that LDN152 is not Ted.
Gonna get my initial thoughts on the Sam=LDN152 reveal out of the way. I honestly like this choice.
First, I like this choice because of who LDN152 isn’t. I think about how awful it would be if she’d matched with Rupert and realized she’d been manipulated by him and charmed by him all over again, and how, when she gets the same reveal the audience already has, she would end up retraumatized by having been charmed and taken in by Rupert all over again. I think about her matching with Nate (if he’d redownloaded the app) and the inadequacy of her assertiveness advice and how Nate is one of the only non-Rupert characters who’s used sexist language against her and how Nate’s insecurities would be like water trying to co-exist with the oil of Rebecca’s insecurities. Nate and Rebecca are fond of each other and seem to want to be in each other’s lives, but a romantic squishing together via dating app would set them both back lightyears. I think about her matching with Ted, a man currently on a parallel-to-Rebecca trek through a very painfully dark forest, a man swinging wildly between performative attempted wit and utter panic. A man she trusts with her professional and personal challenges. [Her challenging mother comes to town and Keeley and Ted are the people she wants with her at lunch.] Ted and Rebecca, with all their current limitations, and with all the ways the forest obscures the view, are trying to be there for each other in their real, non-romantic comedy versions of their lives, and the discomfort of matching on an app seems like the kind of thing that would make them rear back from each other instead of bringing them even closer together. It is not time. It is so profoundly not time that I would have been furious if the writers had continued the “maybe it’s Ted?” line of thought for another second longer than they did.
Second, I like this choice because of who Sam is. I know. He’s not an appropriate match for her. The power dynamics are all messed up and their ages are all wrong. But this does introduce a potentially interesting parallel between Rupert and his younger women and the scrutiny Rebecca would risk herself and Sam experiencing if she goes for it. Rebecca seems to have tried to put away her Rupert-related trauma, but the specter of Rupert is lurking, and I do see that being a good person making an ethically complicated decision with another good person is very different from being an abuser setting out to take advantage of multiple people...but there are parallels she might have to reckon with. Also, Sam is a kind person with a strong ethical center and a well-documented interest in Rebecca. He and Ted helped each other feel more at home in London during a time of deeply missing other homes, and Sam has internalized a lot of Ted’s ways of living in a way that might genuinely appeal to Rebecca even if she doesn’t fully realize why. The writers on this show don’t write messes for the sake of drama. They write messes because life is painful and complicated and also very funny. I’d be shocked if, however this Bantr thing plays out, it isn’t painful and complicated and also funny.
(I am already a little worried that whatever happens next is going to activate some very ironic fan reactions given this is a show whose thesis statement is about withholding judgment. This fear is based not on Ted Lasso-specific knowledge but on unfortunate patterns of fandom, but...you can fear the impact of racist, sexist, and ageist tropes on two beloved characters without embodying those tropes as a viewer. You can watch characters make decisions that could subject them to harmful scrutiny without performing that harm yourself.)
Ted Lasso is a fictional character who tweeted about the joy of eating out (you know...at the Crown and Anchor) the day before 2x6 launched and during 2x6 Rebecca invited him to eat out at the Crown and Anchor. (I love this show.) I am so, so, so fond of all the little lunch-y things in this episode. Ted can’t bring Henry his lunch because he’s “at work” aka living in London. Ted and Beard surprise each other with secret sandwiches on Fridays. Rebecca is overwhelmed by her mother’s visit (her mother’s performance of a harmful pattern) and wants Keeley and Ted there. The scene at the Crown and Anchor, as painful as all the divorce/separation feelings were, was also so homey and lovely in terms of these characters being friends, being at home in a place despite the very not-at-home feelings emanating from Deborah. The Bake-Off viewing! Ted being the designated driver (probably a good thing on this particular day)! Rebecca feeling discomfort but not shutting down! Also cute British pub feelings. Evidence that Rebecca has talked to her mom about Ted! About personal things about Ted!
Naaaaaaate. His bursts of confidence and insight. The pain and insecurity and anger almost literally bubbling under the surface.
I cannot say enough good things about Higgins. He’s grown so much, and his decision to be honest with Beard regarding his concerns about Jane was absolutely impeccably done. Many, many trusted people in Higgins’ life told him not to do it. They are all good people, and they were all wrong. Sometimes one human being’s honesty makes the difference for someone who is struggling, and that’s exactly what happened here. Beard truly heard Higgins. And of course he didn’t immediately break things off with Jane. But he heard Higgins, and when Jane showed up Beard’s face looked different than it ever has, and Higgins words are with him as he walks off into the night with Jane and that might save him. And Rebecca witnessed it.
And I’m so glad she witnessed Higgins’ choice in the midst of this very difficult experience of a) trying to find Ted because she knows he’s in pain and being unable to and b) watching her mother repeat a pattern that Rebecca herself was able to break. It taught me so much about Rebecca. The way she was punished (and described the experience using the language of punishment) for having an honest reaction to her mother’s decision to leave her father the first time. The way she was taught that love is conditional, that love and reconciliation are things you can purchase with gifts. The way her mother uses the language of self-help without internalizing what it would take to heal, and probably has little use for actual therapy. The way her mother drinks alcohol as a way to feel free.
I don’t even know how to think, much less write, about everything with Roy’s coaching and his image and how Ted feels about it and all the fatherhood things Jamie brings up and all the fatherhood things Ted is missing w/r/t Nate and everyone except for Rebecca taking at face value (or willfully deciding to take at face value) the idea that Ted’s panic attack is actually just him needing to go barf up a fish pie. Ted hugging his backpack in Sharon’s office. Rebecca trying to find him, and Sharon being the one who does. The words “I wanna make an appointment” being the words that conclude the episode at the exact midpoint of the planned-for show. Halfway through the middle season. The moment Ted realizes he’s never going to be okay if he doesn’t give therapy a try.
I also can’t say enough good things about the moment with the team and Sharon, the way she agrees to one drink, the way it’s clear that she adores them all. Sharon is exacting and professional without being cold and calculating, and everything she does in this episode is such a gorgeous model of assertiveness, patience, and moderation...three things Ted struggles with the most.
What a dark forest. What an excellent group of humans.
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