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aritany · 2 months

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On Identity: The Truth

Content warnings: homophobia, transphobia, references to self harm and suicide.

I’ve been keeping secrets my whole life.

I’m 10 and I’m listening to my dad at the dinner table, who I know to be the most trustworthy person in the world. He talks about the legalization of marriage between two people of the same sex and asks us to consider the implications. Where do we draw the line in the sand? Legalizing gay marriage paves the way for legalizing pedophilia, after all. If a union between two men or two women isn’t disrespecting the sanctity of marriage, what’s next? Marriage between men and animals?

I’m 11 the first time I hear it: “It doesn’t matter how low I set the bar for you, you still can’t reach it.”

I’m confused and afraid—I’m trying so hard—but I hear it then, and again, and again, spoken low in disappointment, shouted with a vein popping in her forehead, cold like a fact, and it sinks in, bone deep.

I’m 12 with my first crush on a girl. I’m not confused, I know that’s what it is—I want to kiss my friend, and I already know not to talk about it. Never to talk about it. It isn’t safe.

I’m 13 and doubting. I throw myself into fitting in. I pick the right boys to like and I go overboard, and I do like them, I do, I do, I want them to like me, I want to be their friend. I want to be their equal, but that’s not quite how the story goes, so I settle for trying to hold hands with somebody I desperately crave respect from, but that’s wrong too, I learn.

I’m 14 and convicted. How could this be wrong? I brush hands with a girl in choir and we meet eyes and I know. I watch a gay kiss on TV and I sob into my hands and I tell no one, no one, no one.

I’m 15 and I come out to my mom, haltingly, with the terminology that I have, because the thought of hiding forever—keeping quiet through one more dinner—kills me.

She tells me no. She tells me I’m wrong.

I look in her eyes and I understand: it’s not an option, and it never will be.

I’m 15 and I do my best to stop there.

It doesn’t work.

I’m 16 when I first hear my mom say that you can love someone and not approve of their lifestyle. I wonder what kind of love that is. I wonder how that kind of diluted, half-hearted, patronizing love can be enough for anyone. I wonder if she’s thought about how that feels, to be told that who you are—not by choice—is fundamentally wrong.

I’m 16 and a boyfriend is a shield. The right choice, so I make it, and it’s even almost fun. I love being his friend. I’m afraid of anything more.

I’m 17 and my youngest sibling whispers, “So am I.”

My heart breaks for the pain they’ll experience, as they too are taught, painstakingly, how to hate themself. Which parts of themself have to be kept hidden, which parts are shameful. They sit at that dinner table and hear the rhetoric that pushed me to the brink and over it, and I hope they’re stronger than I am.

They aren’t.

I’m 18 and my mom works at a college for the performing arts. I sit and curdle quietly while she talks about her genderqueer students. Misgenders them behind their backs. Deadnames used flippantly. She knows better, after all. She can be the expert on somebody else’s identity. They’re mentally ill, all of them. None of them are happy. They’re searching for something only God can provide.

I’m 19 and I come out as bisexual to the man I’m certain I’m going to marry, tearing the secret out like a bandage fused to skin. He tells me of course it’s fine, that he supports who I am. Of course people like me should have rights, of course. I laugh, relieved. Later, I find out this moment was almost a dealbreaker for him, and I wonder how much was ever real.

I’m 20 and I’m out. I’m 20 and I’m free. I’m 20 and I believe, because I’ve been told, that I am loved for who I am. All of who I am. I still flinch when I hear a car door slam.

I’m 21 and I’m searching for the connection to my womanhood. I’m searching for what makes a woman a woman. I’m reading gender theory and talking to friends around the world and wondering exactly what it is that I’m missing.

What does the rest of the world know that I don’t?

I’m 22 when my marriage ends because my body might not be attractive to my husband one day, and my parents email him in support and solidarity, expressing sympathy, and I’m not surprised.

I’m 22, and standing up for who I am has cost me everything. A spouse, two sets of parents, financial security, a city’s worth of community, more childhood friends than I can count. My parents tell me to go back in the closet so my ex-husband will love me. To them, his frustration is understandable, of course—by presenting androgynously, I’m betraying my marriage vows, after all.

I wonder, stunned into silence, where I promised to look like a woman.

I’m 23 when I come out to my parents for the third time; not as bisexual, not as trans, but as hurt.

I lay out the pain of the last decade as succinctly as I can, hoping they’ll hear. When I assert that yes, to be in relationship with me, use of my name and pronouns is a requirement, my mother jokes, “Well, we don’t negotiate with terrorists.”

It’s not a joke.

I see the flash in her eyes, the instant regret as she laughs it off like it’s funny, but it isn’t.

The kid sitting at the dinner table knows it’s not a joke. The kid who listened to countless lectures on the morality of queerness knows it’s not a joke. The kid who stood with shaking hands and tried to bleed out the bad knows it’s not a joke. Years of casual bigotry taught me how to hate myself, which parts of myself I should cross out and ignore, which parts of myself I should be ashamed of.

I’m 23, and I have finally unlearned shame, and when I ask my parents to see me, the joke is that I’m a terrorist. I’m unreasonable.

The shock of it becomes a balm, later on.

Some jokes aren’t funny.

Some jokes aren’t jokes at all.

I’m 24 and I’m learning that it’s scary to be alone. Bigotry made me an orphan and made us strangers, and knowing that it’s the right choice to stand up for myself doesn’t make it any easier. I’m learning the only way out is through, if you’re not squeamish:

Cut off the part of yourself that’s 7 years old standing outside of their bedroom because the nightmare had teeth and claws and they are the heroes that will hold you close and make it warm again.

Amputate.

Cauterize.

Don’t let them see you bleed.

I’m learning that the wound takes a long, long time to close.

I’m 25 as I write this, and I am proud of who I am, even if I’m still bleeding. All of who I am. It’s taken a long time for me to let that person see the sun, but here we are, basking in the glow. Those wounds are healing. I am visible for everyone else who whispers, “So am I.”

Your sunshine will come. Your sunshine will come.

Your sunshine will come.

#long post #alex talks #tw transphobia #trans day of visibility #international transgender day of visibility #tw homophobia #tw suicide #tw self harm

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becauseimanicequeen · 2 months

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Don't Ask Me for QL Recommendations Because My Taste is BAD

Bad as in TRASHY.

For your own good, don't ask me for recommendations.

I'm writing this because I've gotten some asks lately for QL recommendations and I wanted to spare you the pain.

If you still don't trust me (because to be fair, why would you? I'm just a random weirdo on the internet), let me tell you how bad my taste is so you'll know why I'm doing you a great favor by sparing you the pain.

(I also watch, and rewatch, series/films for ridiculous reasons, yet another reason not to listen to me. I’ll come back to this in a minute.)

Let's start with a brief rewind to a couple of decades ago (because it matters in this context).

The first queer content of any kind I can remember watching was Xena: The Warrior Princess in the late 90s and early 00s (I was a child/pre-teen at the time). It was such a pivotal point for me, which is why I remember it vividly. Not only was Lucy Lawless (the actress playing Xena) the most beautiful human being I had ever seen at that point, Xena was also queer and I loved her.

The series, though? It’s bad.

It’s over-the-top, contains ridiculous humor, face-palm-worthy fight scenes, etc., etc. (But, it was also the 90s, so it was quality television at the time, no matter what anyone else says.) It was so bad that it was ridiculously entertaining. I would watch it today (if I could find it anywhere…). That’s how bad my taste is (or how attached I am to bad shit).

That’s when the groundwork for my bad taste was laid. I blame THANK Xena: The Warrior Princess for it.

Then there was a huge skip until July last year when I found the Asian QL world, because I had no idea it even existed (I’m from Europe, btw).

(My personal story is that I fell into the queer/gay film world before the QL world, and the queer films I could find were made and released very sporadically. But ever since I found the treasure trove of Asian QL series in July 2023, I’ve watched 291 series/films as of right now.)

The reason I fell into the Asian QL world was thanks to a Short on YouTube with the main characters from Roommates of Poongduck 304 kissing. (Want to know what convinced me to watch it? One of them was wearing blue and the other pink, two of my favorite colors. Yep, that’s the reason. Told you it would be ridiculous.)

Since then, I’ve been exploring this rabbit hole and loving every second of all the bad shit that’s out there (there’s some great shit too, and some great things that aren’t shit at all, but they’re not really my taste because my taste is trashy, remember?).

I quickly noticed what my taste was pulling me towards and, in some cases, the trashier it was, the more I liked it.

(I’m talking about fiction here. I’m mature enough to be able to separate fiction from reality. Just because I enjoy watching a series/film that depicts a problematic topic, and sometimes do it in a problematic way, doesn’t mean I condone it in real life. I’m just putting this here as a disclaimer because people on the internet are easily offended nowadays. And I honestly don’t have time to respond to people who are venting their anger after purposefully misinterpreting what I’ve said, unless there’s a very valid reason, which there usually isn’t.)

So, what are some of my favorites that I absolutely do not recommend you watch?

Unless you want to watch trash, then, have at it. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

(Btw, if you like any of these, I apologize for calling your taste bad and trashy. But, if you like any of these, I think you already know your taste is bad. Also, if you like any of these, hey, bestie!)

Let’s start with the less extreme ones so I don’t scare you away from the start. After that, they’re in no particular order.

(With the issues/TW section for each series/film I include possible trigger warnings, taboo topics, what viewers/commenters have brought up as problematic, my possible issues with the writing, etc. I won’t list everything (because some of them would have looong lists) but I’m including some of the major ones.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.

Both couples in this series have their own set of issues. Ai Di and Chen Yi are the “adoptive” brothers who become lovers while Ze Rui and Zong Yi have an age gap (I can’t remember how big of an age gap but I think it was close to 10-ish years).

(Before I move on there’s one thing you should know about me… I was born into a family with a varying degree of age gaps within marriages, from 2 to 23 years. Even though we’ve talked about the bigger age gaps occasionally, it’s never been an issue. I don’t mind age gaps as long as they’re legal. Does that mean I would hook up with someone in their late teens or early twenties? No. I would rather hook up with someone who has a fully developed brain, which science suggests doesn’t happen until somewhere in the mid-to-late-twenties. But it does mean that age gaps (as long as they’re legal) aren’t something I’ll be bothered by or judgemental of.)

Kiseki: Dear to Me is one of my favorite series because:

It’s from Taiwan, and the Taiwanese QLs are generally great at dealing with more difficult and taboo topics.

Ai Di is the feistiest, most colorful, and pettiest bitch and I love him with my entire ice-cold heart.

Chen Yi looks amazing in black.

The neon lights (because I’m a slut for that).

Also, the kissing (from both couples) is great.

You know, I did say that these would be series/films I absolutely do not recommend you watch. But I’ll actually recommend this one. Watch it. It’s great.

Unknown (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Age gap, “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers, etc.

This is another one I’ll actually recommend you watch because it’s great.

The main couple (Qian and Yuan) are the “adoptive” brothers becoming lovers while the age gap is most prominent between San Pang (Qian’s business partner) and Lili (Qian’s younger sister). There’s also the fact that San Pang is part of their chosen family and has seen Lili grow up and stuff. So, if that bothers you, then don’t watch it.

The biggest reasons I would personally recommend it to those I know aren’t particularly bothered by taboo topics are because:

The yearning is palpable (and I love shit like that).

Qian would move heaven and earth for his family.

The great story.

The even more amazing acting.

Some moments made me bawl (and since I'm an ice queen, I get obsessed with shit that shatters my ice and makes me cry).

I know I said my taste is trashy… but I would actually give myself a gold star for loving this one.

Now, back to the real trash…

Love in the Air (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, rape, MAME, etc.

Everyone and their aunt (or however the saying goes in English) seem to have an issue with MAME (the original creator of LITA and several other trashy BLs) and for good reason. (I would say that she improved a lot with Wedding Plan, which is the least problematic thing I’ve watched from her and it’s the latest series of hers, as of right now.) If she’s grown, remains to be seen. But it doesn’t change the fact that LITA has some issues.

Honestly, I just watch this for the visuals, as in the motorcycles and the neon lights. That’s it. That’s the reason.

I mean, if you look at the whole first sex scene between Sky and Prapai, you get what I mean with the neon lights. It’s divine. (I recently rewatched LITA for this very reason. A waste of time, you say? Not when you’re a slut for neon lights.)

Don’t watch this though! Just enjoy this gif instead…

I just saved you 13-ish hours of your life. You’re welcome.

TharnType and TharnType 2: 7 Years of Love (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, homophobia, domestic violence, MAME, etc.

Don’t watch this. This is bad. As in, really bad. And all the issues are in the main couple’s relationship.

But, since my taste is really bad, I rewatched this recently for horny reasons (it’s Mew, after all, and he’s got me in a chokehold for some reason). It’s still as bad as I remembered it, but I would still rewatch it for Mew’s sake (and because Techno is ridiculous throughout both seasons, which means I love him).

To be fair there are other, a lot spicier, series that I watch more often for horny reasons (yes, some of them are in this post because they’re trashy too), but none of them include Mew. And since I have to get my dose of Mew from time to time, I return to TharnType (especially the second season).

Big Dragon (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, blackmail, etc.

This isn’t that problematic in my opinion, but there is definitely a drug-induced sexcapade that’s taped and used for blackmail for a while. And that's how the series starts.

I recently did a rewatch of this and it was still bad (in a good way) and I loved every second of it.

What I love about this series are:

The visuals. The set designs are beautiful (especially Yai’s home and the bar, before he demolishes it). As a visual artist, this is speaking to my soul.

The chemistry between Yai and Mangkorn.

Pong and Park. Two idiots I love with my whole ice-cold heart.

And the title track because it’s addictive as hell to listen to.

Also, the sex (which my horny ass needs). Let's not forget the sex. Those scenes were also visually stunning, which made me love them even more.

Honestly, I'll kneel and bow down to this shit because it's that great.

Don’t trust my judgment, though, because my taste is trashy.

Only Friends (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Manipulation, stalking, promiscuity, etc.

This series is messy in terms of intrigue (especially from Boston and then Boeing’s part). The ending had some issues. The sex isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, either. I, on the other hand, would drink a whole pot of this.

Overall, I loved this trash. Mainly because of:

How visually stunning it is.

Sand. He’s a hardworking, good person. He’s also a proud bi!

How they depicted and handled Ray’s addiction and recovery. (I know some watchers were upset that the focus of the series landed on Sand and Ray towards the end while neglecting the other characters, which is a valid point. However, setting that aside, the way they portrayed Ray’s addiction and then his road to recovery in the last couple of episodes was realistic, and I loved it.)

The promiscuity, because I loved it and the mess it created.

Boston being a slutty asshole. The more of a slutty asshole he was, the more I loved him. (I know, it’s a me-problem.)

Boeing coming in and kissing (almost) everyone.

It’s trashy, it’s messy, and I love it!

But, I don’t recommend it to anyone.

My Beautiful Man 1, 2, and 3 Eternal (Japan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, obsession, bullying, lack of (or no real) communication, etc.

I love this series (2 seasons + 1 film), but I honestly don’t see it as particularly problematic. But I know others will disagree with me, so here it is on my list of trashy QLs.

I don’t mind Hira’s obsession because I know Kiyoi is just as whipped for Hira (even though he doesn’t know how to communicate it to Hira at first, especially in a way that Hira understands). Would I be okay with someone’s obsession and stalking in real life? Of course not. But, as I mentioned before, I’m mature enough to separate fiction from reality.

Also, I love miscommunicating characters, especially when the misunderstandings they create bring out all the emotions (angst, hurt, anger, sadness, embarrassment, etc.) and even the flight response. I especially love miscommunicating characters when they learn to communicate throughout the series/film. And this series is especially delicious on the miscommunicating part.

But, it’s also problematic, apparently. So, don’t watch it.

The End of the World With You (Japan)

Issues/TW: Blackmail, biphobia, cheating, etc.

I’ll be honest and say that I’ve only watched this series three times. And that’s because the biphobia is fucking annoying. In this series, the bi character is depicted as a cheater (which is common in QLs, btw). It’s an exasperating stereotype. Cheating has nothing to do with your sexuality and everything to do with who you are as a person.

(I mean, you can be a proud bi like Payu in LITA or Sand in OF. They have eyes only for one person as soon as they’re pursuing or dating someone. Give me more bi characters like this, please.)

We could discuss how cheating can be used as characterization in certain stories. But not in this one. Here, they’re basically using Ritsu’s bisexuality as the reason he’s cheating (since he’s sleeping with Masumi while having a thing going on with a girl, and then sleeping with a girl when he has a thing with Masumi), which is why it’s bothering me in this series.

If I’m going to tell you why I like this series, however, it’s for 2 reasons:

It’s about getting a second chance, a topic I love.

The sex (laser-focused horny Ritsu is my favorite Ritsu).

Check Out (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Biphobia, cheating, lazy writing, etc.

(It should be mentioned that I’ve read some comments about some issues involving the company behind this series. I haven’t dug deeper into this so I don’t really know if there’s any substance to the comments I’ve read (like official statements from the company or the other people involved, etc.). But I’m putting this out there in case this might be a potential issue for you (even though I’ve already told you that I don’t recommend you watch any of these because they’re all trashy).)

When I first checked this out at the beginning of this year, this series seemed to have created a storm of bad comments and reviews on MDL since it first came out. So, obviously, I needed to watch it because my taste is trashy.

And, you know what? I loved it!

Besides having the bi character depicted as a cheater (again, the use of this biphobic stereotype is so fucking annoying) and the sporadic clunky and stale scenes, I loved this series because:

It’s about second chances. As I mentioned before, I love that topic.

Best (the actor playing Daonuea) is the best in this series. There’s just something about him that grabs my attention every time. He has me in a similarly tight chokehold as Mew.

There’s sex (and my horny ass needs it).

But, it’s also trash, so don’t watch it.

Pit Babe (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Domestic violence, non-consensual, SA, age gap, etc.

This became popular. Really popular. I saw people comment about it everywhere. And usually, when stuff becomes popular, it’s more than likely reduced to trash quality by the general public. So, obviously, I had to watch it.

Did I end up loving it? Yes.

Honestly, the biggest issue this series had for me was the whole omegaverse thing (this was a new thing for me because I don’t come from an erotic fiction background, my head was rather stuck in fantasy fiction). And, from my limited understanding of this, they didn’t seem to fully commit to the omegaverse thing in Pit Babe, which was unfortunate.

The racing was also so-so for me, which hurt my soul because I usually love racing (cars, mcs, boats, etc.).

What I did like, however, was:

The chemistry between Pete and Kenta (and I’m so sad I only got crumbs of this).

Pavel (the actor playing Babe). I would watch and listen to him recite product placement scripts for toothpaste all day long.

The sex, especially the scene with Babe and Charlie in ep. 9 (even though it was mixed with clips from the racing) and Jeff and Alan’s scene in ep. 13 (because it was sensual, if we ignore the music).

The neon lights (have I mentioned that I’m a slut for neon lights?). I mean, just look at this:

I can watch that pinkish light all day long, even though Babe and Charlie are trying to distract me. (Especially Pavel!)

Dead Friend Forever (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Grooming, bullying, suicide & suicide attempts, etc.

Besides the issues listed above, this also suffered from lazy writing at the end. BUT, I fucking loved DFF anyway.

I never expected to love this series because it’s just a bunch of teenagers stuck at a house in the woods. How interesting could that be? Turns out, very.

DFF wasn’t perfect (perfection doesn’t exist anyway), but what I loved about it was:

The morally ambiguous characters.

The revenge plot.

The poetic justice.

The questioning of what was real vs hallucination.

The visually stunning shots.

The mask!

And Tan’s mask!

The beheading scene.

I could go on, but you get the point. I just love this piece of trash.

But, please, don’t watch it. You will suffer from brain rot. Trust me.

I, however, am currently rewatching this because I choose the brain rot. And my taste is trashy, remember? Or, perhaps I just love watching chaos unfold…

HIStory 3: Make Our Days Count (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, age gap, tragic ending, etc.

Everyone and their aunt and even their dog have an issue with the ending of this one. And it’s understandable.

I don’t necessarily like or dislike the ending. Obviously, the bury your gays trope is tragic in itself, and, tragically, it’s still being used. That’s why I couldn’t find myself liking the ending, even though I don’t mind tragic endings. (Romeo and Juliet is one of my favorite classics, which people tend to forget is a tragedy and not a romance, btw, but I digress…)

At the same time, though, this series made me cry for a whole episode before tragedy struck because I could feel it. And you have no idea how obsessed I get about shit that makes me cry (since I’m an ice queen).

(Another side note: one of my favorite BLs is Once Again, which made me bawl throughout the whole series. It’s not on this list because it’s neither trashy nor bad, but it’s still one of my favorites because it broke me in the best ways. But, anyway…)

The best part of this series from beginning to end was the other couple, at least for me. This couple is the one with the age gap (which, again, doesn’t bother me) and I fucking love them! One, because Wilson Liu (the actor playing Bo Xiang) is such a gem. Second, because their first time was such a spur-of-the-moment thing fueled by a desire that went from 0-100kph in less time than a Ferrari would. And I loved it (just as much as the squeezing of boobs from behind, which, for some reason, appeals to me).

Also, the twins are so pretty it’s annoying.

Do I recommend it, though? No, because I don’t have time to respond to the clap back I’ll get when you come to the end.

HIStory 4: Close to You (Taiwan)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, obsession, age gap, stepbrothers becoming lovers, etc.

This one has some problems (especially the relationship between Yong Jie and Xing Si), but I love both the series and its problems (yes, I’m trash). You could say that I’m as obsessed with this series as Yong Jie is with Xing Si. Would I get this series drunk and fuck the living daylights out of it? No. But I would watch it once every 3 months or so. Oh, wait… I already do that. Because I’m trash.

What do I love so much about this series (other than what I mentioned above):

It’s from Taiwan.

Li Cheng is ridiculous, which is exactly why I love him.

Every time I rewatch it, it gets funnier.

The chemistry between Li Cheng and Teng Teng is amazing.

As well as the chemistry between Yong Jie and Xing Si.

The kissing is just as amazing.

The main fujoshi girl, Mei Fang, is so cute I can’t handle her.

And the bathroom scene! In that lighting! It’s iconic!

I don’t care what anyone else says. This is fucking gold to me. But, then again, my taste is trash. So, don’t listen to me.

KinnPorsche (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Dubious consent, SA, torture, Stockholm syndrome-ish, etc.

This is some next-level trash, and I fucking love it.

Two of the major relationships in this series (Kinn & Porsche and Vegas & Pete) are problematic at some point. Especially Vegas and Pete who have this whole captor/captive, torture, BDSM-ish type relationship. Of course, I love Vegas and Pete because my taste is super trashy (yes, it’s a me-problem, but I don’t force my taste on other people, so, for the love of all that is holy, don’t watch this!).

Other reasons I love this series and rewatch it from time to time:

It’s visually stunning! The cinematography is amazing. As I mentioned before, I’m a visual artist, so this is a very valid reason for me to watch it again and again. And again.

The neon lights.

The whole mafia thing.

The sex (because my horny ass needs it).

Playboyy (Thailand)

Issues/TW: SA, homophobia, suicide, etc.

I was debating whether or not to add this to my list solely based on the ending. However, up until that point, I really liked it.

The fact that every episode starts with a whole ass list of trigger warnings tells me this is my shit. And it was.

At times, it was so bad that it was good (until the ending, which was just so bad it was bad). The things I liked were:

The mystery.

Win (who played Nuth). His acting was great.

The chemistry between Nuth and Phop.

The tattooed daddy that’s Aob and his chemistry with Puen (there’s also an age gap here, btw, but as I’ve mentioned before, it’s fine by me as long as it’s legal).

The weird ass sex scenes (and the underwear).

And the not so weird ass sex scenes (like the ones between Aob and Puen and the ones between Nuth and Phop).

But, this series is trashy. Keep as far away from it as possible. If you still decide to dip in, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Red Wine in the Dark Night (Thailand)

Issues/TW: Obsession, blood, human blood bags, etc.

This is a queer film that’s BL-ish with some dark themes. Mainly, it’s about how far Wine would go to help the person he’s fallen for (or become attached to).

What I loved about this film was:

Fluke (who plays Wine). He’s such a great actor and I love him in everything he does.

Wine who is so desperate to love someone and be loved that he ends up doing some weird shit.

The darker and sadder vibe, which I love.

Irresistible Love 1 and Irresistible Love 2 (China)

(This is also called Uncontrolled Love.)

Issues/TW: Obsession, homophobia, codependency, adoptive brothers becoming lovers, etc.

This is another queer film (in two parts) that is more BL-ish than the films I’m getting into below.

This depicts a weird relationship dynamic between Xie Yan and Shu Nian where Shu Nian was basically adopted into the family to become Xie Yan’s friend/babysitter/lackey. This is some weird ass shit, and I love weird ass shit so I really enjoyed this rare, uncensored, gem from China.

But, it’s also trashy. So, don’t watch it.

The next couple of films I’ll mention are (obviously) trashy, but also complex and deep (which is why I love them).

One Summer Night (South Korea)

Issues/TW: Obsession, dependency, oppression, etc.

This is a low-budget film from 2016 (so, production-wise, it’s definitely nothing like the usual stuff from South Korea you can watch on Netflix), but I love it.

It’s gritty, it’s raw, it’s explicit (an emphasis on explicit because you’ll see dicks), it deals with being a North Korean defector but ending up in an impoverished situation in South Korea, and it ends with a dubious ending you can interpret in different ways.

This is definitely not for the general QL viewers who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.

And it's trashy. So, don’t watch it.

Dangerous Drugs of Sex (Japan)

Issues/TW: All the trigger warnings! Seriously. I feel like it’s better to say that so you’ll look up the TWs for yourself (if you choose to watch this, which I'm asking you not to) rather than me mentioning a few and forgetting others.

With this film, what others see are all the trigger warnings (and, yes, I see them too, they’re fucking obvious). However, I can see beyond that and watch it for what it is at the core: Two characters dealing with incredible grief.

Grief is a topic that often affects me and I can relate to it because I’ve had to deal with a lot of grief in my relatively short life. Watching a film like this where grief pushes the characters to their very limits will (often) get a special place in my heart, especially if done well. And it’s done very well in this film.

Do I condone the characters’ behaviors? No (especially not Yoden Ryoji’s). But I do understand that grief can send you over the edge (and in some cases throw you off the edge) because I’ve experienced it. I do understand that grief can cause you to make horrible decisions because I’ve done it (though, not this extreme). I do understand that grief can be self-destructive because I’ve been there. This film shows it all. That’s why I love it so much.

Do I recommend you watch this, tough? No. Don’t do it. This is not for everyone. It’s definitely not for those who watch QLs for the cutesy stuff.

But it is for me because I love trash. Especially good trash. And this is the best trash I’ve ever seen when it comes to gay films.

Anything by Scud Cheng

Lastly, I want to mention any film by Scud Cheng because…

And I’m an artist so art means everything to me.

Cheng is a screenwriter and director from Hong Kong. His films, the ones I’ve seen, are gritty, nude, and real. They are more on the art side than the others I’ve listed above, which is why they have a special place in my heart.

They’re also deep and explore themes like introspection (are we doing things because we believe they’re the right thing to do, or because external forces have “brainwashed” us to believe they’re the normal thing to do?), the porn industry and how it exploits young and queer men, death, politics, and love, to name a few.

These are not for the average QL watcher. They’re not for the faint of heart. They’re not for those who want an entertaining watch.

These films require multiple viewings. I’ve watched some once, some twice, and some more times, and I still find new themes and meanings woven into the stories. So, they’re complex and deep.

But, don’t watch them because I know you’ll come at me later. So, to spare us both the time and energy it would take to argue about this shit, just don’t watch any of it.

Now, if you still want to ask me for recommendations after all that, don't tell me I didn't warn you!

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mothmanssweetsucculentass · 2 months

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Ok here’s my two cents that no one asked for on the current (sort of?) debate going on in the Creepypasta fandom on here rn.

For starters, I grew up with Creepypasta. I also grew up mentally ill. I am also autistic. So I know my way around good and bad mental health rep at this point. And to be honest? A lot of the original stories DID suck balls at representation or just horror writing in general.

However, nowadays I see other people on here, often mentally ill or any other social outcast, taking these characters and reshaping them as their own to fit their own feelings and experiences, and I don’t think anyone has the authority to criticize things like that. Cringe culture is supposed to be dead anyways, nevermind the fact it’s inherently ableist at its core.

We also need to take into account kids still exist in the fandom. Pre teens who got tired of shit like scooby doo and wanted something more “mature” or “edgy” to get into without fully going off the deep end into full blown horror movies. At least that’s how it was for me. Not everyone, especially someone who’s younger, is gonna be comfortable with the grit and gore a lot of Creepypasta “purists” are pushing for these days, and that’s okay! When a fandom gets popular it’s always inevitable and unavoidable to have the popular characters get two dimensionalized.

There’s also the whole mascot horror thing that I don’t wanna get into, but I’m 90% sure that also plays a part in the old favorites like Jeff and slenderman being brought up again. They were and still are recognizable characters. Recognizable characters aren’t a bad thing. Making horror more approachable for younger audiences isn’t a bad thing. People having their own interpretations based out of their own experiences isn’t a bad thing.

Some of us grew up and wanted the more edgy and reality based content, and that’s also not a bad thing! But neither side should be dictating or policing how the other enjoys content in this fandom. If you personally don’t like the way something is written, characterized, depicted, or drawn, no one’s forcing you to look at it. No one’s claiming it as canon. No one’s asking for you to accept it as the end all be all.

At the end of the day this fandom was built on OCs and personal depictions of stuff. I can’t name a single character or story in this community that was created by some outside party like a movie or TV studio FIRST (because I know some got so popular they breached the fandom and got their own shows/movies/comics/etc). Everything here was created by someone who wanted an outlet for their creativity, or their pain, or their coping, or whatever else.

Realism and dark headcanons aren’t bad, and neither are any of the headcanons out there who just wanna make a goofy found family of social rejects as a form of escapism.

A 13 year old drawing a fictional layout of a fictional mansion where these fictional characters live isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the horror, I promise, it’s not that deep and it never was.

A 22 year old making a dark comic on the realistic origins of Jeff who is a fictional character in a fictional world isn’t going to suddenly invalidate the more softhearted side of the fandom.

Sure, there can still be a split if people are so adamant about that, but as someone who personally enjoys both the brutal horror side and the “haha Jeff is 15 and gay” sides equally, y’all need to at least learn to be civil to anyone who has a different headcanon than you. And if that seems like too much still, the block button exists for a reason.

TL:DR this fandom is based entirely off OCs and headcanons and people can do whatever the fuck they want because none of it is real and horror comes in many shapes and sizes and intensities and no one should be bashing anyone on their headcanons or views or rewrites or whatever else.

EDIT:

Actually wait I think I have more to say-

Horror, like any genre, has NO AGE LIMIT. And by that I mean, if someone younger wants to delve into scary stuff, they should be allowed to do so without criticism. I personally grew up on “child friendly” horror media like Scooby-Doo, and the older I got the more horror I wanted to experience.

There’s no right or wrong way to “understand” horror, and I frankly think it’s ignorant and stupid to say if you don’t fully “understand” something, then you shouldn’t be involved in it at all. Horror isn’t always about gore and unspeakable violence and the eldritch entity that wants everyone’s skin inside out. That’s why horror has sub genres for fucks sake. Gut wrenching brutality against innocent people isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay!

However, bashing anyone’s tamer headcanons, or calling anything anyone interprets differently than you “stupid”, that’s not okay. God, I feel like an exhausted parent giving this lecture to fellow adults, but this really needs to be said and stressed.

I am an adult. I like when stuff in the fandom takes a dark turn. But for nostalgia’s sake, I also love the fanon so much, because that’s what I was exposed to.

And for fucks sake if it comes down to picking sides, I would rather stick with the part of this fandom that gives zero shits how you see a character as long as you’re having fun.

You can have your serial killer 30 year old Jeff and your canon-accurate-to-that-one-image eyeless Jack, but don’t shit on other people if they don’t want the same thing. Your interpretation isn’t canon, and neither is anyone else’s for that matter.

Realistic, dark, gritty Creepypasta isn’t a new concept, and neither is “adult” Creepypasta. And by the way, Creepypasta was never stated to be for adults. That’s like saying kids and only kids can eat trix cereal. It sounds that stupid on paper.

Let people interpret things the way they wanna interpret. No one is infringing on YOUR character ideas. Creepypasta has no age limit, nor a set way the horror has to be presented. Those who do continue to claim that just sound like pretentious assholes.

Very small side note, I personally think it’s inappropriate and rude to keep using Toby as a “bad example” of mental health rep when the creator has stated multiple times the character is old, not researched, and not even in the fandom anymore. Leave the poor guy alone.

#creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #jeff the killer #rant #I’m not a professional in anything don’t @ me #I’ve just been here for years #so I at the very least partially know what I’m talking about #I personally think this purist mindset and behavior is bs if you go and attack other creators #just be nice to people Ohmygod #update #eyeless Jack #slenderman

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bengiyo · 7 days

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Only Boo Ep 9 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we finished out the high school section of the series. All of our boys qualified for college, and our aspiring idols passed their second audition even if it seems like Jang is primarily interested in Payos. Payos expressed his feelings to Potae, and Moo finally had his first kiss with Kang. I’m excited to see what life after high school looks like for these boys.

Wow, we just started and I am reminded of how much I love Moo. I will have notes for this show, but I want to reiterate that I like the way this team writes gays who know themselves and aren’t shy about it.

Also, I’m very glad that Moo found someone who’s good at time management and planning details.

EP 9: Blank Letter

Oof, this is a #LipWatch2024 episode. Everyone needs to hydrate.

Aun’s torso doesn’t soften the blow of Potae not handling this confession well.

Why is he not taking that $500 bike he bought with him??

Suddenly, Shone.

So, the whole competing cousins thing is over because they talked it out? I guess!?! Sure.

I do love that Moo’s mom never taught him shame. Her stern warnings about keeping up his grades is also pragmatic.

Now, Kang, you are boyfriends who are living together. What made you nervous there? Ya’ll we at “take our time” kissing.

Alright, I’ll take negotiating intimacy and different sexual velocities.

Man, this show continues to walk a line somewhat unsuccessfully. I want this idol dating plotline to be handled well.

Sleeping on the couch when they have a king size bed? Kang, I am trying to be with you bro, but you are making this difficult.

I see what they did there with finding a comfortable position.

It’s always fun and games when you’re trying to Netflix and Chill until you find yourself engrossed by The Red Violin (1998) and now you can’t stop thinking about that film.

If they named the episode after this storytelling device, and fail to use it in this episode, I will be disappointed.

Moo flirts relentlessly, and I love him.

Potae about to learn a harsh lesson about asking your friend not to change when the way he’s always treated you has been grounded in how much he loves and desires you.

Damn, Moo let everyone know he’s seeing a dude as his first impression.

I can’t believe they have Louis out here ruining gays again.

Multiple people bodied Kang to be responsible for Moo. I hate that.

I’m not surprised Potae needs improvement, but what I’m hoping for is his ability to grow from the feedback.

I also like this boy beefing with them. I am curious if he also succeeds and they’re all forced to work together in a group.

Jang only glanced at Payos once this week, and didn’t insinuate anything about putting them in housing for the duration of their camp.

You can’t fall in love if you ain’t clumsy!

Not Moo pulling out the Seme Juice!

It’s really fascinating watching this show not want to put this show in a real gay context. Having the older characters talk around it as if they don’t want to inflict homophobia on Moo leads to some difficult conversations.

I don’t like Moo responding to the push to be discreet by blasting his boyfriend in front of all of his followers without consulting him. They’d just spoken about this. That’s not great. I really do get it, but hoo boy.

I am not interested in Potae jealousy next week.

Feeling a bit mild about the blank letter introduction and name of the episode only for it to be probably a seed for episode 11 breakup drama. I am trying to stick with this show’s goal to explicitly avoid mentioning the queer reality around its characters, especially Moo. I can see the desire to create a world around him where his queerness isn’t a problem he has to manage, but it’s also creating a painful dissonance for me.

#Ben watches #only boo!#only boo the series #thai bl #bl series

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kovajean · 9 months

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As someone whose favorite movie (second only to Whiplash) is Karate Kid III, I’ll never understand people that think it’s a bad movie.

Although my reasons aren’t entirely objective, it’s still worth writing about. It’s crazy how nearly tailor-made this movie is for me.

The over the top villains in Mike and Silver are perfect, because they have hardly any motive. I love simple shit like that.

Why is Silver doing this? Because his best friend was embarrassed. Why is he doing it in this way? Because he’s evil. Why is he evil? Because he is. Let’s also not forget the fact that he’s a corrupt oil barren. That shit’s hilarious. He’s also hot as fuck and I, as a gay man, am allowed that as a reason.

Why is Mike doing this? Money. Why is he doing it this way? Because he likes beating people up. Why does he like beating people up? Because he does. Who cares that there’s no deeper meaning behind it? I certainly don’t. I like when villains are bad because they like to be. I don’t want anything different. And I especially love that Cobra Kai didn’t retcon his insanity, like they’ve retconned other people’s wrongdoings...

The dialogue is both great and fucking awful at the same time. Here are some of my favorite lines from the movie:

“They made you suffer, so I’m gonna make them suffer—and suffer, and suffer, and when I think they’ve suffered enough, then I start with the pain.” (This line fucking SUCKS LOL)

“When I'm finished with that kid, he'll be begging me to be his teacher. And you know what he's gonna learn from me? Pain. In every part of his body. And fear—in every part of his mind. And here's the kicker: He's gonna thank me for it.” (This is probably my favorite line ever from any movie. It’s so good. The first time I showed this movie to my ex-boyfriend he would quote this shit at me every single day.)

“Johnny, by the time that little twerp steps into the ring to defend his title, I’m gonna have him thinking he’s invincible. Then he’s gonna find out what pain and fear really mean. Right in front of a thousand people.” (This line gives me chills. So good. Would be better if he used something less Disney bully than “twerp”, though.)

“It’s okay to lose to an opponent—Must not lose to fear!” (This along with the majority of Miyagi’s lines are great. I don’t need to go through them all. This is just my favorite one.)

The thing about these movies is that each one has varying levels of dialogue quality. KK1’s dialogue is fucking awful. But at least some of the lines are funny enough to laugh at. There are some good lines in there, but that’s just it. Good lines. Not memorable. Same thing with KK2. The dialogue in that movie is just good. That’s all. I can’t recite a single line from that movie. Because the lines aren’t memorable. Except for, of course, “honk”. Do not get me wrong though. I'm not saying this movie is the best Karate Kid movie. No way. It's just my favorite, and it's not as bad as people make it out to be.

The score had me looping it for 3 months straight. I'm not even hyperbolizing here. The whole of it is just wonderful. The reused and remixed songs like Kata Training are great. But when I get to Silver’s theme, that’s a whole different thing. Listen to this shit:

How is this real? I’m a huge classical music fan, and I could not stop playing this song over and over and over again. Listen to this one:

Did you know that this song wasn’t even used in the movie? This is an alternate version of Terry’s Next Move, which plays over the Kreese and Silver phone call as well as the Mike Barnes Magazine Car Ride. The one they went with certainly works better for the scene, but I love, love, love this one. So much more.

I never thought I’d be hooked on a series of songs from a Karate Kid movie composed by the same guy who did Rocky, but here I am. 6 months strong, too. I was in a high school theater production when I watched this movie for the first time, and every free moment I had backstage was spent looping each piece with any bit of Terry’s theme in it (such as Terry Silver, Terry’s Next Move, Terry Sneaks In, and Daniel Submits. I also had Terry Owns Daniel on loop occasionally, but that song doesn’t have any real instances of Terry’s theme in it–it just sounds similar. And yes, these are the official names of the songs in case you weren’t aware.) I also listened to these songs on loop while doing an art class project (which was of, you guessed it, Karate Kid characters).

I love Daniel in this movie. Love him. More so than any of the other movies. He’s exponentially sillier, he becomes best friends with a girl instead of dating her, he demonstrates color theory, and his irritability and sass are on full display. I also like that he's not super skinny anymore, and that he actually looks his age. (My love for him may also be aided by the fact that I relate most to his personality and appearance in accordance with this movie versus the first two).

I LOVE JESSICA! You will never meet a bigger Jessica fan than me. I love her so, so dearly.

She brings out the good in Daniel.

She shows us that Daniel is good with rejection. When she tells him she has a boyfriend, his opinion of her stays the exact same. He doesn’t push her. He lets it go, and they immediately become best friends. All because she told him that she hadn’t made any friends yet.

I like that Daniel is protective of her despite the fact that they’re not dating. He really cares about her, and he doesn’t expect anything in return. He’s not spoiled. But I also like that Jessica gets mad at him, because he went way too far. She doesn’t let him get away with it or treat him like a hero. She gets upset. Because Daniel just assaulted someone who hadn’t done anything deserving of violence (yet). And when she leaves, Daniel recognizes his mistake. He recognizes all of his mistakes. All because of Jessica. I can promise you, had she reacted positively, the movie would have ended differently. She was the step he needed to snap out of his power trip. And I love her for it.

She also trains with Daniel! None of his love interests did that!

I’m saving the color theory section for a separate post where I will go over every Daniel outfit and what they mean for the scene because I have the free time to do so and dammit I’m not hyper fixated on Karate Kid III enough already so I might as well let myself get worse. You feel me?

Despite the fact that Daniel's clearly nervous around Silver, he’s still a piece of shit during their training sessions. I respect that. He’s also incredibly snappy towards Mike and his gang even though he knows he shouldn’t be. His morals are also on full display if you think about it. He’s mean to mean people, even if being nice to them will work out better in the long run. Because he refuses to be nice to people who don’t deserve it. As well as vice versa. Except for when he snaps at Miyagi. Hmm, I wonder why he does this? Perhaps, is it maybe, the fact that he’s being manipulated to use anger as a coping mechanism?

People go on and on about how whiny Daniel is in this movie, but they don’t seem to consider why.

Daniel is assaulted over and over again by Mike and his gang, and his new best friend gets roped into it. He stores this anger because he has nowhere else to put it. Then he meets Silver, someone who gives him an outlet for it. He finally has something to do with this pent-up rage, until he’s given mixed signals by the people around him when he uses this newfound coping skill. Miyagi gets upset, Silver praises him, Jessica leaves him. How is he supposed to know what to do? Of course he has a mental break. He rants to Jessica about it, then to Miyagi, and he thinks he has his problems fixed. Then, to make matters worse, he finds out that Silver was tricking him the whole time. Now he has to relearn Miyagi-Do. That fucking sucks. I’d go crazy too. This, along with the fact that he wanted to compete in the All-Valley so badly that he brought it up to Miyagi on multiple occasions, was shot down every time, finally gave up, and then was forced to care again? AND Miyagi refuses to train him even though it’s hardly his decision anymore? How Daniel kept going in this movie is beyond me. He’s not whiny, he’s livid. He can’t catch a fucking break.

I’d say his anger is accumulated throughout the movies. This one year has been more eventful than the rest of his life was prior. Everyone he meets seems to want his head on a stake and there’s literally nothing he can do about it. He just wants to be a normal guy, and no one will let him.

He’s also certainly not weaker in this movie in comparison to the second. He’s been broken down by everyone trying to fight him and he’s at a point where he’s trying not to care. He’s trying so hard, but when Mike shows up it’s difficult for him to keep pretending. The fact that Daniel loses to him is meant to show you that Mike is strong, not that Daniel is weak. Anyone that can defeat Daniel after Daniel’s torment in KK2 deserves to be feared. And don’t forget that Mike had the ability to kill Daniel in the bonsai scene. The only reason he’s less threatening than Chozen is because his acting is bad.

If you want to argue that he’s weak throughout the entire movie, then you’d be half correct, I guess? He’s a different sort of strong for the last half of the movie. This is because Silver teaches him different moves. Daniel stops using what he used to know (the style of Karate that we’ve seen him use up until this point), and is now using exclusively this new style. And when you consider that this new style only has 3 different moves, of course he’s going to look weaker. The All-Valley scene Daniel also isn’t weaker if that’s your argument, because there is genuinely no other way he could have beaten Mike than with Kata. Mike is immune to Miyagi-Do. That’s why Daniel never beat him in any of the scenes leading up to the All-Valley. Daniel is also overcome with fear thanks to Silver. The ineffectiveness of Miyagi-Do on Mike and the lasting fear of the manipulation he dealt with is not a good combination. He beat Mike with Kata because he caught Mike completely off guard. That’s how you beat him. We know that’s how you beat him because it’s the first time we see him genuinely lose, other than when he lost to Miyagi multiple times, which is another instance of Mike being caught off guard and losing, because why would he expect an old man to be that good at Karate (and also, it’s Miyagi, of course he’s gonna lose to Miyagi. He’s not comparable to Daniel). Can you assume that Silver told Mike to be wary of Miyagi? He’d never seen the guy fight.

Anyways this movie has been on repeat in my brain since March and nothing I can do can stop it so why not indulge in it, huh? Just a look into my dark and twisted mind

#the karate kid #kk3 #daniel larusso #jessica andrews #terry silver #mike barnes #This essay is 6 months in the making and this isn't even everything I have to say #as i stumbled off at night towards the train tracks

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 1 year

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tuesday again 3/21/2023

i didn't want to sit down and write this bc i was having too much fun playing viddy gaem

listening

IT'S QUICKER AND EASIER TO EAT YOUR YOUNG!!!

"i'm starving...darling,,," is very sexy but the way the lyrics slowly slide into something more and more horrifying until the chorus hits??? mwah. lovely.

my one critique is that this song is...breathy, for lack of a better word? does not showcase the man's magnificent pipes. oh well! there are other songs.

youtube

how'd i find this: im gay, also he is one of the most popular indie artists in the World. his first album went platinum six fucking times.

reading

i read all of frank miller's sin city bc im on a noir kick and i didn't have a good time. the closest i got to fun was (deadly little, always described as "deadly little") Miho, a mute japanese??? generic asian??? assassin who is tits out not in these panels but in almost all others, rollerblading around mowing down guys with her katana. that was a painful sentence to write.

i read a lot of genre fiction. i read a lot of older genre fiction. they are not written with me, a bisexual "woman", in mind. and that’s ok bc not everything has to be written with me in mind. rarely have i read something that is more For The Boys Only!!! than frank miller’s sin city. felt kind of gross and a little put off the whole time i read these and they made me a little bit upset and afraid of men in a way i have not felt since high school. now it does feel odd to go “i didn’t think this noir was very pleasant >:(“ but miller’s work feels unpleasant and distinct from, say, chandler or hammett in a way i am still having trouble articulating. it is possible that the misogyny in chandler is a flavor i already know and barely register the taste of anymore. it may be that i got tired of looking at miller's women with twelve-inch waists and nipples as full and perky as their mouths.

mostly i think the labor market in sin city is super fucked up. women in sin city exist to have their value extracted from them in a way that is different and worse than normal capitalism. like, i can see how someone would read these comics and go full SWERF. women are literal trophies, both arm candy and in a very upsetting trophy hunting way. especially in the final volume, women are machines of potential profit. aside from one landlady and one cop and one child who grows up to be a prostitute, all the women in this whole city seem to be prostitutes or prostitutes who have married up and out. like there aren’t really even any women on the street just walking or in diners. it’s all dudes.

this is probably a comics vs novels thing, but miller is often sadistic in a way that chandler is not. a guy dies on a page to make cool art. they fuckin mow through dozens of goons a volume. if a guy dies in chandler it’s usually bc chandler's philip marlowe has stumbled across a dead body accident and it becomes a tremendous pain in order to tip off the cops that a body needs retrieving without getting framed for the kill. marlowe (and by extension chandler) is a people person-- he is a detective bc he likes figuring out what makes people tick. he is alert and it's hard to get one over on him but his resting state is congenial. despite his job, he still does believe in the concept of justice.

sin city (more of a comment than a question) says "if people piss you off you should kill them." this is not to make light of the very real Situations that protagonists in sin city find themselves, but there are very few problem solving skills on display other than "apply dick" or "apply gun". VERY RARELY, "apply pussy". that last one almost never works out tho.

aside from All That, it does contain some of the best straight up art (not just comics art) ive ever seen. the command of light and shadow is incredible. the command of negative space is incredible. panels aren’t busy unless they’re showing the chaos of a scene. he doesn't draw every single brick bc that's not important to the scene. it’s really quite stunning.

also the MOVEMENT in this fringe is incredible. do u see what i mean about the nipples tho

watching

i gotta lotta fuckin bones to pick with the manda/lorian but they're all spoilery. this shit fucking sucks man. it's twenty fucking twenty three we have had well over a century to master storytelling through the art of the moving image.

all three eps so far have felt very weirdly edited-- like a lot of changes happened after filming and there wasn't enough time for pickups?? this is a gajillion dollar show just reshoot some shit on your little fake stage i am Begging you. at least bo-katan looked hot. god she's awful i love her

again again i say to ye, what if star wars was good? i am slightly terrified that andor may have ruined me for any s/tar wars that follows but by any metric these first three s3 mando eps are simply not good television.

playing

ty @pasta-pardner for gifting me Weird West some weeks ago bc it is the new thing i am obsessed with. this first trailer gives a better sense of the Vibes than the launch trailers imo

youtube

i find it is scratching a lot of the rpg itches that new vegas does: you wander around beautiful western settings running into weird shit, followed around by a hot butch you've recruited to your cause. unlike new vegas, it is a little less forgiving and you have to really scrap and loot everything that isn't nailed down.

this is a top-down action rpg with a weird little aiming system that is sort of a 3D twinstick? it takes some getting used to, and shooting is not the part of any game i am particularly good at. here's xbox wire's screenshot, which gives a good idea of how isometric it is and what enemy detection looks like. i do wish i could expand the minimap, bc some of the locations like mines or bigger towns can really sprawl.

i have one big annoyance bc it is a thing that made me take a break and sulk for a bit: as you're traveling across the map (not open world, location-based), you can run into Travel Encounters. you can decline to engage with some of them. you cannot save within or between the encounters unless you stop and make camp. if you're on a long journey to a different corner of the map, you might run into three Travel Encounters. if you die on the third, you are catapulted back to your starting point. this is tremendously annoying in the early game, so either take short trips or get good at about-facing and exiting areas quickly.

a writer i admire likes games that let him tell stories about what happened in the game to other people-- this is a game that very much facilitates that. i was ambushed during a Travel Encounter by the some outlaws, bc i accidentally let one escape while i was trying to collect a bounty on his boss, and that specific named grunt came back with a Vendetta. but! i met a dying outlaw from the band who kidnapped my character's husband in a different second encounter, swapped some bandages for a treasure map, and he is now a Friend for Life. so he showed back up to help me during that ambush AGAINST FELLOW OUTLAWS WHO SEEM TO HAVE SOME SORT OF MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING??? mWAH. DELICIOUS. LOVE SYSTEMS INTEROPERATING.

ive put like six hours into this, and it has five chapters with five different characters. i have not progressed past the first chapter bc i am having so much fun poking around. i am so so so grateful that the first character is a wife seeking revenge and not the other way around. ppl are throwing big baby tantrums in the steam forums about this but you know what? some husbands should be macguffins sometimes. widens their perspective.

i am fascinated by the drips and drabs of lore this game is feeding me. there's an order of witches with huge underground temples that (crucially!) they did not build, but have adopted for their own uses without really understanding who built them and why. i want to know so much more about their whole shit. there are werewolves but idk what their deal is bc i haven't met any yet.

i am a simple woman! i only demand perfect cowboy western-flavored rpgs and so far this is holding up. i will have more thoughts as i go along but goddamn is it fun to play. we truly do love a competent little rpg with interesting lore and good stealth mechanics that lets you loot everything in sight.

making

mostly fallow week, wrists hurty

made this tuna-chickpea salad for lunch. it is quite rich for a lunch. there are a lot of components that may be challenging to digest all together for a milennial with tummy troubles.

this would have definitely been improved by solid instead of cheap chunk tuna (or salmon. this would be great with canned salmon) and if i actually chopped the baby spinach instead of going "it's fine" and flinging it all in. or maybe wilting the spinach, but that's a lot of extra work and this would be a very warm, wet salad :/ the point is the chickpeas really want to sink to the bottom. i like that there is no cooking involved, only assembling, but realistically i have only half of these ingredients in my house at any given time. screengrabs from the site bc i paid a dollar but there's no reason you have to

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #this is 1600 words i am so sorry nyx

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variousqueerthings · 2 years

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well I wrote about showers in MASH thoughts with @mashbrainrot and @le-red-queen because I was wondering if my fixating on it was merely humble objectification (it is also that), and now there’s more interesting stuff, like Context and Theme and Queercoding (always queercoding):

1. ok the obvious out of the way, I am not immune to the intimacy of seeing characters in showers. and I like the aesthetics of shower scenes. and alan alda and mike farrell are cute (also thank you to the single father Mulcahy shower scene, we finally got a good look at the shoulders he hides under those turtlenecks!)

2. and maybe a part of the original questionmark-feeling was considering how it’s not that common an occurrence as a setting -- usually showers convey something or other if they’re happening, you’re getting real close to someone in some way. They’re a normal everyday sort of thing that in narratives are often shown in order to be deeply intimate with characters for whatever reason, and so they don’t just get thrown in over and over again in a story, unless the setting is, idk... swimmers tournament or smthin. Showers are an important place, where Things Are Conveyed (whether they’re private or communal)

3. and it may not actually be as common an occurrence on the show as my brain is making it out to be, but I’ll be counting on my rewatch, as well as noting more directly what happens in showers -- and this is where my friendly neighbourhood co-ramblers come in and actually give me some more context that I’ve since forgotten

4. usually if Hawkeye is in the shower it’s with Trapper (s1-3) or BJ (s4-onwards). Obviously Hawkeye is physically and emotionally close with these men outside of the shower scenario, in ways that could fill pages of examples (dancing, sharing painful moments, wearing each others’ clothes, etc.) -- the shower brings home that, yeah, there’s really no part of each other they haven’t seen, to the point that it’s a complete non-event

5. in a wider context, it’s a domestic non-event anyway. Potter and Margaret have had meetings with each other while one of them was in the shower. They’ve walked in on Charles showering (and stolen his water). Margaret stole their clothes. Father Mulcahy was showering when a complete stranger to the unit took the stall next to his and started casually chatting to him. And presumably in-universe (to go away from the narrative use of shower-settings) they’ve all used (single-sex) communal showers in their lives anyway, so what gives on thinking too much about it?

6. Sidenote: earlier in the show there was that uncomfortable “spying on nurses in the shower” joke that popped up every once in awhile. I don’t think of these scenes in terms of non-events, those were just invasions of privacy and I’m glad the show has moved past that, except for mild ribbing between people who know each other well (Hawkeye offering to scrub Margaret’s back)

7. I’m sure anyone who’s been in a longterm communal setting, like the army, wouldn’t bat an eyelid, but there’s something about the fact that they’re not soldiers, they didn’t set out to be in this space and build a family with one another. And narratively it’s another subversion from a lot of war-films which are intensely afraid of creating deep intimacy in casual spaces, that don’t involve your buddy bleeding to death in your arms or what have you (not consciously because It mIgHT bE gAy, but moreso because it wouldn’t be manly and therefore not cool, I presume)

8. and on the “not cool” thread, these moments aren’t fraught with danger or massive amounts of conflict, they’re just... downtime. They can set up conflict and scenes (like the water drought episode or again, Margaret stealing the clothes) and include important information, but as a setting they’re about decompression, they’re about washing off dirt and blood, and they’re often where you get some of the funnest banter and some meaningful conversation

9. Showering is an ordinary occurrence that’s given so much weight

10. for a Very Private Place, it’s also not super private. There is no “real” private space here. Just two guys living in each others’ pockets (mashbrainrot I love that phrase) with a door right there that anybody could open at any time. There’s some interesting underlying questions about what you can get away with in terms of closeness and how much more adamantly you have to affirm boundaries if there are so few in-built ones, if, say, you were two guys who were dancing on the edge of acceptable behaviour anyway

11. in conclusion-ish: the things that are conveyed here are slightly different to the typical shower-scene. Something about (lack) of privacy, something about intimacy and domesticity as a way of building up the characters’ relationships to each other, something about decompression and a teeny tiny room to stave off the fact that there’s a war right outside, something about how MASH puts a lot of weight on the importance of everyday routines (as well as what happens when those basic routines are disrupted in an already disrupted life), and something about wet boys whose closeness you as a viewer are suddenly also very close to...

12. also something about Hawkeye and BJ ducking down to hide their chests from Margaret, as if this was an unexpected breach of privacy and they’re not both usually very fond of being given the attention. I am enamoured.

#im watching MASH #MASH #hawkeye pierce #trapper mcintyre #bj hunnicutt #margaret houlihan #sherman potter #father mulcahy #need to get my screenshots together but i can only watch as fast as im watching youknow #yeah i'll take my objectification and turn it into thoughts

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mychemicalroadworkahead · 1 year

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Things I figured out/just think are funny about season one and episode one of season two of 13 reasons why.

1) the song run boy run is played in season one episode two of both 13rw and the umbrella academy. It is the exact same part of the song and the time they are played in the episode is inverted with ua playing at the beginning and 13rw playing at the end

2) despite how depressing this show is it has the best/funniest sequence of lines I’ve ever heard.

“Clay, you know I’m gay, right?”

“What? No, I didn’t know that! Why didn’t you tell me?

“I thought everybody knew that.”

“I feel like there’s a lot of people who don’t know that.”

“I think there’s a lot of people that do know that.”

3) Alex Standall is a direct parallel to Kurt Cobain in the sense that they both play electric guitar, both have stomach pains caused by severe stress, and both shot themself in the head with the intention of ending their life. (Yes I am aware that cobain was probably murdered but that’s besides the point). Also, Alex has a ton of music posters in his room (including Joy Division, big slay) that are from similar time periods and genres as Nirvana.

4) Clay and Alex see the same therapist

Anyway, Alex Standall is my favorite fictional character, second favorite person (fictional or real), and he’s my precious little meow meow.

However, he is a dumbass (buddy, suicide notes aren’t something you typically bring to school on your first day back in months), so it’s worth mentioning Tony is a VERY close second for my favorite character.

But also, in all seriousness, if you are going through shit and you want to talk to someone, here’s a link for finding helplines.

Stay safe.

#my precious little meow meow #he’s everything to me #alex standall #him and Jessica are going to hell for joking about this btw #13 reasons why #he brought the suicide note to school #buddy wtf #clay jensen #jessica davis #tony padilla

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joshwylie · 2 years

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Today was a mix of so so many different feels. The Alano club I have gone to for five months is the place I've made a few connections with people, and found a sponsor and the only place I go to for meetings is closing. In a month or two it will be no more. So today's fundraiser and drag show (which I've never been to) was filled with celebration, food and fellowship, and a lot of fun ( I won a raffle for a tarot reading which I've never had but always wanted ). But after a few songs, a performer was doing a ballad and all of my fears and grief about the loss of the club and my only safe space outside of my home where I am alone with my cats just burst to the surface and I began bawling uncontrollably. Three friends including my beautiful sponsor came to my comfort immediately, and after processing a bit I felt better and enjoyed the heck out the rest of the show. But I'm grieving. I've spent over a decade in isolation with only one real friend who died last year and I haven't felt or been a part of the gay community for over 20 years, and this place became as much a home as my own. But I know that this is an opportunity for growth.

Change is the only constant and without it, life would be boring and we'd never experience new things and grow as human beings. But it fucking hurts. Hurts in my guts. I'm terrified the few connections I made will abandon me just like everyone else has since birth. It's hitting my core. I wish I had a therapist right now to process this but that's another rant. I just needed to share that while today was beautiful and I believe the future holds a broader range of experiences as I'm forced to branch out, I'm in horrible pain right now at the very heart of me. The good thing is I have no desire to use or drink, but I definitely wish I could escape the intensity of these emotions as they aren't going away as the night goes on. I don't know what else to say. Recovery has been a miracle for me, I just pray that I can hold on to what I've gained and strengthen the friendships I have made, and not get loaded over this dramatic loss and opportunity for transformation.

https://www.kpbs.org/news/local/2022/09/12/safe-meeting-place-for-lgbtq-recovery-will-close-its-doors

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docholligay · 1 year

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So, we all bring ourselves to any narrative we engage with. The window we look out of, is as important as the thing we’re looking at. It changes our perspective. This is not a bad thing, there is no such thing as narrative objectivity, but when we engage with narratives, we need, in as much as is possible, understand the lens through which we tend to read things. My being a lesbian, and a Jew, obviously, affects my read on things, but I am also come from lower-class rural roots, and this ALSO affects how I tend to read and experience narratives.

This is the saddest fucking part of the book for me. This is the part that makes me want to tear up, if I’m going to do it, this is idea that Nan is now so irrevocably changed that she can never go home. And it’s not the gay thing even, except with Alice, but that she has become a city girl with fine clothes and different manners, and she doesn’t fit here anymore.

I know not a lot of people on tumblr can relate to this, but I grew up with this sense of in-group and out-group. @keyofjetwolf laughs every time we go into a tiny rural Montana bar and my voice immediately slips into that variant. The sign that, “Oh, I’m not one of them. I’m one of you.” And there is community and there is pride in that. The idea of leaving that community, of leaving your family behind because now you are so different--as the first person on either side of my family to go to college, that really resonated with me.

Most of the people I associated with even when I first read this were country people, who knew how to ride and rope and for whom the idea of studying calculus was a big ol “to what point and purpose?” (I absolutely did not study calculus, ahaha) I always hate saying this shit, because it fits into that whole “Stupid country redneck lol not cool like me and my city friends with our super useful Literature degrees” (I have a degree in Lit and history! Don’t send letters!) because as much as the internet likes to talk about being different kinds of smart that doesn’t apply to country people in their minds, that applies to people with ADHD who had to drop out because homework is hard (I have ADHD don’t send letters) in the cultural consciousness we have here.

This sense of separation, this sense your family and friends have of being left behind because you are too good for them, that is a REAL THING. And that is POWERFUL and PAINFUL. Saying things like, “oh but a college degree can teach you how to think” I don’t actually disagree, though in the US at least I find many places diploma mills, and met many graduates who still manage to be fuck stupid and without critical thinking skills, but the people I come from hear, “YOU can’t think, because you aren’t educated like me. You’re stupid, and I’m smart.” My mother, who was writing poetry for some of my childhood, who read me books far beyond Hop on Pop and taught me how to talk about them, the woman, who, not knowing a single thing about ADHD but knowing that I was different, taught me how to exist in the real world, how to hack life for me, she thinks she is stupid, because she doesn’t have a college degree. For one thing to be better, another has to be worse, you know? And that causes pain. I feel that, very deeply.

I feel like I’m not articulating this very well, certainly not for people who have never felt that sense of physical cutting at the way your voice, your manners, your everything, have to change in order to get along, and then you become a stranger to your own people but I get that, and this, to me is that saddest goddamn part of the entire book.

#Eight Days 2022 #Doc Watches Tipping The Velvet #this liveblog is just a series of long personal essays

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life-through-my-eyess · 2 years

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Hey there :) Talk for the whole of England? Maybe you should run for prime minister! Awful joke? Sorry! 😬😅

I also wouldn’t be able to dance to save my life, but I think that would be part of the fun. Ah and of course my hopeless romantic self wouldn’t be opposed to kiss a cute girl in the rain either ;)

It totally makes sense you’re all of them, we humans are complex creatures, we’re puzzle pieces and I believe we have different versions of ourselves which we present to different people. I believe this version of yourself that’s talking to me, not everyone in your life gets to see it, same as me… am I wrong? Draining strength from trauma, that’s an art not everyone’s able to master. You’re a fighter and your optimism and determination will guide light into your life, so keep being whoever you are!

Prepare to be shocked then haha! Seriously you made me laugh, I couldn’t be more far away from a writer, I’m majoring in a healthcare career actually. But your words bring me delight, so thank you. What about you? If you aren’t working with either literature, psychology or philosophy, you definitely have the tools to write a self help book, so what are you waiting for? ;)

I wonder, does these advices you give come naturally to you or you had to learn this wisdom the hard way?

I hope tomorrow’s raining if that means peace and bliss for you :)

Heeeey anon!, oh yeah crap maybe I should. I’ll run for prime minister 👏. Let’s see how quickly it will take the public to protest against me for being gay. IM OUT HER FOR THE LGBTQ+ COMMUNITY BIIIITCHES 👏 🏳️‍🌈 . Could you imagine? 😅😂.

Best believe, I’d probably walk over like…. Yeeeeeeah I got this and give those flirtatious eyes… start dancing and before I know it I’m tripping over everything and boom on the floor on my booty 😂. No thank you, nope I’m good. Oooo unless I “pretend” ( I say pretend but I’d probably fall for real) to fall and then pull her down with me, I’d then have a cute girl on top of me 😏.

Yes I believe that too. I believe people have different personalities with different people. They are not the same with everyone and I understand why. Not that’s true, not everyone gets to see this version. I attend to hide my writing and how my mind usually, I don’t know why but it’s always been like that. It’s like a secret part of me. Thank you, your words mean a lot and I try and help as much as I can as I know how cruel this world can be. I try and spread positivity, I post things to show that people are not alone. Life is a funny thing, you feel like you figured something out but soon realise that there is so much more we do not know. In a world so big we think we know everything but step outside the box and see that we hardly know anything and how big this world is.

I’m glad I was able to make you laugh somehow 🤷‍♀️😂 I’ll take it. Right I’m shocked what the heck that’s some bullcrap.. seriously though your career sounds interesting and if it was just a job I’d tell you to quit and let’s go write a book together 😬. As it’s a career, I guess I’ll have to just KIDNAP YOU and write a book ahaha. I am neither of those 😅. But thank you, you’re too kind.

Honestly I have no idea, they just sit there in my brain. I think it’s a mixture, my parents have told me things and I learn from peoples mistakes so I avoid doing what they did. I step back and watch so I don’t make the same mistakes. I have had some challenging times so it could also be that. I listen to people and I feel their pain ( empath ). That’s not for me to say I don’t want to or haven’t made mistakes I have.

I find peace and bliss in nature and nature is all around us. I love walking and I just listen to the world around me and so alert but in my own world. I use to listen to music all the time but tbh I enjoy listening to the different sounds on the street. I hope you encountered some flowers today, to make you smile and to remind you that growth takes time but so fucking worth it 🥰. I hope you are eating enough and drinking enough water 💕

#thank you for your positivity #kind words #sweet #so good with words #awesome #stay positive #gay blog #gwlg #my anons #sweet anon #anonymous #anon #lesbian #advice blog

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saudade-asylum · 9 months

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seeing as how quarantine is about to end for me (i’m moving back to london for uni on october 3rd) i figured i’d make a bullet list of all the things i’ve done/learnt these past 6 months :)

——its gonna get dark kids——

• i put a brown box dye on my head and i have not been a brunette since 2014. thats 6 years. i hate it but i also like it????

• my depression is a lot worse than i thought :) and i think i may have something else along side that and i am in desperate need of therapy :))))

• if i don’t have false nails on i will immediately bite my nails down to nubs and when i run out of nail i will progress to the skin around my nail bed and further. there is no stopping it. i have begun to like the taste of the stuff that’s meant to make you hate biting your nails

• put on a stone but have lied to everyone and said i have not but my proportions have just shifted??? don’t know why everyone fell for that but hey ho

• my grandmother was into incest :) there is a chance my mum was born via incest :))))) i hate it here

• i started cutting

• i tried monster for the first time (ultra blue) and i really like it

• i don’t deserve friends and so when a minor argument started i decided to use that to cut them all off because i’m a horrible person and i really think they can do better than me but i really miss every friend i’ve ever had so i’ve been stalking instagrams like crazy

• turned 20 and immediately had a minor breakdown and promptly put all my money and effort into kidcore alt fashion

• i cannot have a single conversation about politics with my parents lest we have a horrible argument and i get my feelings hurt via their racist and homophobic comments that they will immediately brush off

• i’m a lesbian, i’ve identified as lit rally every label i could before i figured it out. even labelling myself as a trans guy and ace through a super cheeky combination of compulsory heteronormativity and not understanding what a real friendship is due to all my toxic ass ex friends and thinking every boy crush was a crush when i just wanted to hang out with them. rip (ace people are still cool though and i love them all they’re like the family of your ex gf who you still love and hang out with)

• i tried the pink monster and it’s fucking RANK

• i spent over £2000 (my student loan) this lockdown on useless mindless shit of which includes colouring books i haven’t used, a mini fridge, a shit ton of earrings, a shit ton of takeaways, every sims expansion pack, and several plush animals

• told my parents that i’d spent over £2000 and started sobbing so now they seem to be taking the mental health thing a bit more seriously and have agreed to let me go see my mates in london and pay for it which is actually nice :)

• my mate had to cancel and none of my other mates wanted to see me / weren’t in the area the one day i was down so instead i walked around for so long that both of my heels burst open

• i have left my hair brown the whole lockdown but now i’m going back to art uni in london and now im thinking i need to dye it something cool or no one will be able to tell i’m a) gay b) actually arty or they’ll just think i’m a background character and no one will talk to me

• since my last bullet point about weight i have gained another 1/2 stone and am now 17 stone. i have 47 days till i go back to uni and i’m not really sure what to do. i think if i could get back to my initial weight of 15 stone before i go back i’d be ecstatic but i’m not sure how realistic that is? i’ve done diets in the past that have let me lose a stone but not sure how to do it now cause i’m veggie??

• it’s my fault my mums in pain because if i wasn’t greedy and going to uni then they’d have the money to pay for my mums knee replacement and she’d be able to get a better job and make friends in a non toxic work environment

• the only reason my parents aren’t getting a divorce is because it’s too expensive - according to my mum

• i’ve given up on the whole losing weight thing because i’m honestly too fucking sad to stop using food to fill any disappointment in myself. it’s actually incredibly difficult to stop eating

• since saying i was giving up on dieting i’ve actually ended up eating less??? not sure what my brains doing up there but hey ho i’m liking the development

• started crying when a minecraft streamer said i was smart for a suggestion i made (wasn’t even minecraft related)

#ive been updating this as lockdown continued

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jamesmckennastudio · 2 years

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Close to the Bone Reading

I liked the readings for this week. Clear. The first one was okay. I’d never seen Thriller, so that was fun. I said in class pretty much what I have to say, but here it is best I can remember, with a few add ins.

“Conventions of horror.” I thought about this a while. What horror? Has it been this way through time? Mostly I think. What set horror apart for me is the conventions of 70s horror. That chastity thing. Then Neil said something about the tough woman who defeats the monster. So things have changed.

Tough women made me think of La Femme Nikita. Black Widow. Beneath the Surface. Annihilation. Women who can take it when men can’t is a whole genre-crossing genre. I liked the Disney villain idea. They do tend to be women. In fact I can’t think offhand of any who are men. That’s kind of sick if you think about it for more than a few seconds: all those guys making movies about guys saving women from women. Now though we have women saving themselves. And then women who save everyone else too. Progress.

Whoever brought up Fourth Wave Feminism: I liked that. Things just aren’t so clear anymore. Though whoever brought up men being victims of patriarchy too: I agree, but I feel there’s something to say about that. Oppression cuts both ways, but harm to the oppressors is really kind of their problem to sort out and keep quiet about. It has to take a back seat to that of the oppressed. Recovering oppressors have to listen and learn. I write this as a white man who grew up when none of this mattered or even existed. Everything was just fine—for me. Sometimes I feel myself wishing it were the way it was. Anyone who has to accept new limits feels this sometimes. But that’s my little pain that doesn’t matter. Like the part of my thumb that got cut off, or the damage of age: Oh well. Now it’s different. There’s not much of an up side to aging. But there is to social change. What I get in exchange is richness: having people around me who are different than I am and who show me lives I couldn’t have imagined, give to me in ways they may not even recognize; seeing people who’ve always been held down now getting a chance to speak, or even stand up, or even give the orders. Some people. Sometimes.

Zombies. It didn’t look like the bobby soxer had had sex with the werewolf/-cat; pretty sure. But she got dead anyway. Then in the same movie we have a couple that, to my mind, has clearly had sex before. And she gets saved at the last second. Things like this made me think of Jackson mostly as a messer with. The video is incoherent. Scene by scene, it’s what works right now, what will play best or best mess with people. “Wouldn’t it be cool if....” Most music videos are incoherent. Many have little or nothing to do with the song. It’s vaudeville; it’s early television: “and now this.” They don’t need to be coherent; music videos are illustrated feelings. Coherent narrative tends to get in the way. “Chandelier.” v. “Titanium.”

Vincent Price WAS horror for decades. Everybody recognized his voice. By 1982 he had long been superseded by George Romero behind the camera. BUT, messing with: a white, has-been horror standard introducing a trope taken from Black, Caribbean voodoo with foot-dragging zombies who dance.

It’s worth noting that the director, John Landis, a little before he did Thriller, was on set doing The Twilight Zone when a helicopter in the scene fall on three of the actors, killing them gruesomely. Hmmm.

My idea about inner, real self in the sexual being uncertain ground for a vampire/gay equation…debunked by Neil: I had a great idea; unfortunately it was unfounded in the text because of the historical situation. That’s what makes class fun. I don’t like to debate; and I won’t debate politics with anyone at all ever. Anymore. But picking apart a text is a game I know and like, and I love the play of smart and smarter. Whichever end I’m on.

I did like the idea of “vampire-dar” and gaydar (I really hope that’s not an offensive term now! Somebody please set me right). Bad term or not, the idea endures that some people think they can spot queer people, as in fiction some people can spot—or think they can spot—vampires. And that’s very interesting when we consider what they’re sussing out: a normal person spotting the abnormal. Like a nazi informant. That’s why I think zombies, pod people, vampires are good metaphors for societal invasions, sometimes more so than sexual politics. I was wrong about I Am Legend. Neville does die in the end, but first he asks his vampire captor to make sure the new vampire society is fair. Democratic, as it were. 1954. Cold War anxiety anyone?

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me-uglypretty · 2 years

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HEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO!!!!!

YOU SHOULD WATCH KORRA AND ASAMI AGAIN! (or read the comics) those two are my comfort characters, i love them with my whole heart! ((omg did you see that they’re making another korra comic book trilogy and the first one’s coming out next year!!!)) (((i’ve found the lil dinosaur scene from meet the robinsons on youtube and i watch it whenever i think of it, it always brings a smile to my face)))

the struggle is very real, my watchlist of shows and tbr of books and millions of other things are in need of a major apology from me… and i’ve never watched anything in 2x speed, but when starting something new, whether it be a show or book, i’ll watch the last episode/read the last chapter to see if i like it then i’ll go from the beginning heh

I’VE GOT SO MANY THINGS MARINATING THAT THEY’LL BE THE BEST JUICIEST THINGS FOR THE PEOPLE TO CONSUME when i get the motivation

but you are speaking more truths! real life does suck, that’s why there is fanfiction!!! it very much is me

OH MY- I JUST LOOKED UP MOTHERLAND AND IM GONNA HAVE TO ADD IT TO MY WATCHLIST FOR SURE ((((it’s got the vip treatment cause it’s bumped it’s way towards the top))))

and as for our villainous crime fighting duo names, my humor level is practically the same, therefore i am so down for thing 1 and thing 2 because my mind automatically made the scenario of:

civilian 1- “THE THINGS ARE ATTACKING RUN!”

civilian 2- “THE WHAT?”

civilian 1- “THE THINGS! You know, thing 1 and thing 2? The villains who aren’t really villains, but are.”

yeah, emotional is definitely up there and just as valid too. coming out is hard with all those factors for sure and adding the emotional stuff on top too is a lot more stressful. i’m sorry you understand as well and i hope you’re safe too

I ALSO HOPE YOUR TAKING CARE TOO! i am not doing too well right now, but it’s nothing to worry about just a lot on the mind (((((the little ig video of deanoru made my heart burst and made my day infinitely better too, thank you for sharing! <3)))))

~ input runaway anon

I'm laughing at the thing 1 & thing 2 narrative! cause me too bestie me too like yes i think the same and say the same then laugh cause whoa big brain so funny

GONNA FINISH CRYING IN AGENT CARTER BEFORE JUMPING TO ANOTHER RIDE OF MISERY with Korra cause why don't they let the gays just kiss already. (they are??? i didn't know, i've only seen few comic trips and that's about it!!)((ALSO HOW ARE WE FEELING ABOUT JURASSIC PARK DINOSAURS?? I THINK THEYRE CUTE AND ADORABLE))

VIP TREATMENT?? MFS DESERVES. (((and the show got cancelled but it got a final season and I wanna fight them but ya kno we never get good things for long but also a lil warning))) ((((ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPOIL THE SHOW/STORY FOR YOURSELF BY READING THE ENDING LIKE THAT??? THATS EVIL))))

I hope you're feeling better!! Throw words into your ancient library if it helps (i know it helps me sometimes like oh take this pain lil notes app phew phew) and I hope you're taking care of yourself by eating well and drink enough water cause hydration is so important and it took me 84 years to understand.

#me-uglypretty answers #input runaway anon

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the-tiniest-one · 3 years

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Hello! I saw you asking for requests to be sent in. I was wondering if you could do headcanons for kakashi and gai (separately) with a plus size civilian s/o? Or one or the other? Thank you in advance ❤

MIGHT GUY

SO we all know Guy is ALL about 3 things. Youth. Passion. Protecting Precious People….and guess what? When you happen to cross paths with the Leaf Village’s Blue Beast, he trips over himself to let you know just how PRESH you are.

I don't see your status as a civilian as much of a road block for him. He needs someone grounded and with soft hands to hold.

Someone who will think he’s the strongest man in the world, a superhero.

He protects the ones he loves with his life and once you're in that circle there is no way out of this man’s giant heart.

You somehow enter Guy’s line of sight, maybe on a walk to class or work too early in the morning…. and from that moment you pass by and he catches sight of your pretty face, he is out for the count.

Now. Lets remember….Guy is CONFIDENT (sometimes more in spirit than in actual ability, he is the fake-it-till-you-make-it KING).

Also important to note: Guy is NOT the same as Rock Lee in his pursuit of women. He’s not about to blow every kiss at you from the jump or shamelessly confess everything out right. Don't get me wrong, he’s shameless….but Guy wants to be seen as someone cool, sexy, a real macho/mighty man... He wants to be slick Kakashi his eternal rival. He’s going to try to be velvety smooth….without success.

He would find any excuse to be in your eye line while flexing or saving a poor disguised student he employed for his contrived scheme, in this case... Neji or Lee in a dress from falling off a building LOL. (“They would be asking him to please explain again how this is training?”)------You might be a civilian. But Genjutsu of that level does NOT work on you LOL.

You are the one to finally introduce yourself to a slumped and defeated Guy after about a week of his adorable attempts at trying to bate you in with his goober acts.

“Hello, my name is (y/n). I was hoping maybe you would like to get a drink sometime?” you say with a half smile.

He would raise his head, teeth BEAMING….the power of youth always prevails!

Best. Decision. Ever. Guy charming and not to mention SHREDDED.

When he accepts your date offer, He would stand and grin, maybe saying something a little cocky like; “A handsome, war hardened devilish shinobi such as myself will always find time to satiate the voracious desires of such a heavenly woman so bursting with the essence springtime.”

He would be so so so respectful.

That being said, you're HIGH AF if you think you aren't making a B-line to walk by Kakashi on the way so Guy can tactfully walk by loudly so that his rival notices he’s with a cute girl.

He’s going to be the chivalrous type. The kind of man who makes sure your hands are around his giant bicep whenever he escorts you anywhere….which from this point on is almost anytime he is home from missions or not training.

Guy is perfect. He’s tall, JACKED, and such a sweet loving man.

He is obsessed with your shampoo. His nose is always in your hair.

Lets face it. Guy is 100% the most physical man that has ever walked the streets of Konoha. If you aren't big on touching, then his is not the man for you.

One hand will always be around your waist, holding your hand, arm around your neck, locked on your curves or anywhere else….respeeeectfully of course.

He will always be up on you and in your face so get ready for that LOL.

He will be proud of you. He will be boisterous to an exhausting level about your achievements.

He will be exhilarating in every way.

One of Guy’s greatest strengths is also one of his most unfortunate downfalls. He is wildly protective. Never underestimate his ferocity when it comes to you. You may have to communicate more than once where the line is when it comes to him watching over you. Even though you aren’t skilled in combat as he is, you also are not a child and he will take some time to learn what you require and what you don’t.

He always means well.

You have some faults and things to work on as well. Guy is tender as hell, an emotional, hot blooded, love sick fool who can and WILL take things you say to heart so be sure if you notice him freaking out or trying too hard to make you happy, to hold him and let me know often that he is perfect the way he his.

In the end all of the passions and butterflies that Guy provokes from your heart are entirely justified.

He will ask you to marry him after a date, probably at sunset, one knee, giant ring he spent way too much on.

He claims you deserve the world and you tell him that instead of the world “you would settle for just having his hands, his lips, and his heart.”

Do your best to return his love to the best of your ability because not everyone gets the chance to be loved by the Hidden Leafs Handsome Blue Beast.

KAKASHI

I’ve never seen Kakashi as someone who would end up with another shinobi bombshell.

Instead I think he would find himself interested in someone who is a total badass in another line of work.

Example; You first encounter him one day while advising Lady Tsunade on the information the Hidden Leaf Village (and a few others) pay’s your company large sums of money to collect, aggregate, and report.

Kakashi stands guard during the meeting, watching you speak with an eloquent grace and authority he finds captivating and maybe a little seductive.

By then end of the meeting he is curious about you...wondering what you thought of him, what you think about everything.... You never even look his way.

He falls in line with you as we escorts you out of the building, walking beside you in the otherwise empty stairwell.

You smirk and take the liberty of speaking first. “Did you enjoy the show Scarecrow?”

From that moment on he’s hooked.

Now I also don’t find the idea of him falling for someone with some FULL curves to be all that outlandish….He has never given .00000001% of a shit what other people think.

He also shares the famous Pervy Sage’s taste in “women he describes from research” and romantic books about women shaped like gourds so with that logic in mind….dude likes thicc, full, curvaceous women for sure. It's basically cannon at this point ;)

Kakashi is someone who has learned emotional detachment through pain. You are the first person who shows promise in tearing down those defenses.

Your relationship not necessarily a slow burn. Kashi isn’t a kid, just because he hasn’t fallen head over heals with anyone before, doesn’t mean he is a mystery to himself or oblivious to his feelings.

That being said, I do think he will protect you by keeping a relationship with you under wraps for the first year or so.

If anything EVER happened to you….he wont let that happen.

The secrecy could be hard on you at first.

Watching more than a few women flirt shamelessly with your Kashi is beyond ROUGH.

Especially considering most of them are tough as nails ninja women with perfect bodies. You aren't used to feeling threatened by other people men or women, so you have a hard time learning how to deal with it.

Kakashi is always quick to remind you that he is serious about your relationship though.

He looks at you with a ferocity only seen by people who are no longer alive. His voice is low and serious when he gets close and tells you, “(Y/N) You are my entire life. I will never leave you. I promise I am yours until the day I die.”

After a few times of him promising you that he really is in love with you, you believe him and can be secure in his word.

As his girlfriend, you take his breath away.

The way you speak, move, sleep….

Even the way you casually conduct yourself at home and in public makes him more than proud to know who you are. Let alone get to go home to you.

Guy is the first one to catch on believe it or not. He notices Kakashi peaking over the top of his book at you as you walk down the opposite side of the street. He’s known Kakashi since they were kids, he puts a reassuring hand on your boyfriends shoulder and vows without spoken words to protect you when Kakashi can’t be there….and Kakashi understands. It helps him sleep just a little better knowing he has help.

Stargazing on a rooftop one chilly autumn night, Kakashi grabs your hand and proposes to you with a small silver ring, slightly ashamed for it’s lack of a stone.

“I want you to be my wife.” is all he says and you wrap your arms around him whispering in his ear “You have had my heart since the first day I met you…. And you always will.”

His heart melts into a puddle at the sound of you telling him he will have a wife. Finally have family that loves him this much.

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