#alcohol addiction
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this is it yall I DID IT!! today's the 100TH DAY of my sobriety
Thank you so, so much to everyone here who has commented, replied, sent asks, private messaged me throughout this journey sending me support and love - it means more than you know 💕
In the last 100 days I have been able to write and draw more, I have been gradually less anxious and my dark brain thoughts have spiraled much less than when using. I got my dreams back, literally- it had been years since u recalled draming at night and now I remember every couple nights dreams.
I learned that for an addict, getting sober doesn't mean not wanting to drink/smoke. I may always have the desire to. But now I know I am strong enough to fight back and win.
100 days!!!!
#clean and sober#sobriety#cannabis addiction#addiction recovery#addiction#alcohol addiction#100 days sober
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Hello,
First of all, I know that everyone says it but it's never enough : thank you mods for all of your hard work on this blog, you literally saved me several times from my life <3
Now for the ask, I know there are some tags about it but do you have any (more?) Fics in *alternate universe - human* that are about Crowley suffering as in he goes through something rough physically (and especially) mentally in his life pls (for reference, it would be in the style of "Slow Show" by mia_ugly where Crowley went through a rough patch and was addicted to cocaine/alcohol before the events of the fic and mainly has issues with how he sees himself)
Thank you ever so much again for your work and have nice day/night wherever you are <3
Hi and thank you! Here are some fics featuring Crowley dealing/having dealt with drug/alcohol addiction. Mind the tags, folks!...
For Auld Lang Syne by cherriepixie27 (E)
Crowley accepts an invitation to a small New Year’s party at his former best friend and almost-lover’s reconstructed bookshop. Aziraphale probably isn’t expecting him to respond, much less show up. Maybe this is finally their chance to get things right. A second chance, human AU with plenty of feelings and smut for our Ineffable Husbands.
I Want To Break Free by TakeItEezy (M)
Anthony Crowley, a drug addict, doesn’t like being put in a box, especially if that box included doctors and psychologists. However, Solomon Aziraphale makes him realize that this could be his chance to break free from the life he had before. But, will Aziraphale be stuck in his old life forever? Would he ever allow himself to get better?
Taking flight by Sani86 (T)
Aziraphale is a first-year fine arts student with an eye for beautiful people.
Crowley is a professional ballet dancer with the most perfect body he'd ever seen.
A story about art, self-expression and friendship through thick and thin.
That's Your First Mistake by jedjubeed (T)
When Crowley was younger, and he got lonely, he thought about all the atoms around him, and all the space between them. Did atoms get lonely? Must do.
When Crowley got older, and he got lonely, he knew to pick up the telephone.
Alternatively, a human AU which tells the story about how Aziraphale (Ezra Fell) and Crowley met, became friends, and fell in love.
Out of Suffering Into Love by Slow_Burn_Sally (E)
Aziraphale is a sexually repressed man who grew up in a religious household. Crowley is an artist with a sordid past. Both of them are afraid to love and be loved.
Car Trouble by summerofspock (E)
Aziraphale's car breaks down so he takes it to the first mechanic he can find. From there, his mundane life changes drastically as he finds himself befriending the man fixing his car.
- Mod D
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It is all thanks to my psychiatrists, family, my best friend and me of course! 🩷
#sobriety#alcohol recovery#alcoholism recovery#recovering alcoholic#we do recover#sober babe#sobriety feels good#six months sober#i love being sober#fuck alcohol#alcohol is the worst#i hate alcohol#raw dogging life#alcohol is a bitch#alcohol addiction#tw alcohol#tw addiction#tw#cw#sober life#sobriety is good#i choose sobriety#i choose therapy#i wanna recover#i will recover#hehe#im happy
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3 days sober, working on my 4th today. I can't believe I'm doing this, like it doesn't feel real. If I can at least manage to get through this first month ok, I know it'll only be easier from then on. If bam margera of all people can make it a month, I can do it.
This is my first time attempting full sobriety (aka no zaza &no 'occasional holidays only' drinking on top of quitting everything else) since 2021 and holy fuck does it feel weird.
It's a relief to not stress over how I'm gonna get fucked up today, but it's so scary facing a life as insane and stressful as my own without at least some weed to smoke after a long week. I used to be able to control myself so well with weed, but when I lost access to my steady supply of alcohol, it was all I had and by that point I was so far gone that I just could not go a single day without being blasted off of something. Maybe one day I can learn to control myself better with weed (I mean like only using it for medical reasons bc I do have pretty bad chronic pain), but for now I need to take a step back.
At least my haunted house job will give me something to fill my time at the hardest part of the day for me, since I'll be working every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night thru October, until I can start actively skating again.
And I just wanna say I would've probably attempted sewerslide instead of sobriety if it weren't for my homie Riot. We've pretty much called all night every night since I first said I wanted to quit, and if I didn't have someone who I could talk to pretty much whenever that can actively keep me from thinking about drugs, I probably would either be dead or in jail or homeless right now.
Wish me luck with this you guys, I finally feel like I'm heading in the right direction. Life feels somewhat enjoyable again.
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⚠️🔞18+‼️
It was a quiet Sunday night. y/n had just finished working a long day at the farm, and you felt really sticky after falling into a pile of horse manure. ugh- I feel so sticky and strange…
As you’re walking into the house to clean up, suddenly, your phone starts vibrating like crazy. Who’s texting me so late at night? When you snatch your device, there’s a message from Cognac.
Cognac?!? You didn’t know him that well, but he often helped you at the gym. He’s been going there for years, and it shows. Sometimes, you would sneak a glance at his rippling biceps and rock-hard abs when you thought he wasn’t looking. But why is HE texting ME???
Cognac: hey
Cognac: im coming to ur house
How does he know where I live??
Y/N: B-but I need to take shower…😖
Cognac: haha lets take it together
Y/N: w-w-wuttttt
You eagerly wait for his message and suddenly feel your mini-manager awakening. W-What’s this feeling?? You’ve never felt like this before. Not knowing how to deal with it, you go inside and start rubbing the caked manure off the crevices and surfaces of your body.
Your dingaling gets harder.
Cognac: send me a shower pic 😉
Suddenly, something snaps. It’s almost like you know you have the upper hand. You know Cognac would do anything to get close to you. So you decide to play with him a little.
Y/N: Wait a little bit longer. Think of it as a little bit of teasing. You can’t have the whole thing just yet
No reply again. You get tired of waiting and strip so you can start that hot and steamy shower you’ve been waiting to take all day. Just as you’re about to get in, you hear a knock on the door. Did he actually come here??
“Cognac? Is that you?” You ask standing behind the door.
“the message- I love it when you talk to me like that. Open the door. Please,” Cognac says desperately. It sounds like he can’t wait any longer. A wave of confidence comes over you.
“I better be making you weak in the knees, blushing like a little school girl and shit,” you say, smirking as you imagine Cognac’s bottom lip tremble. But it wasn’t just the lips, something else was trembling in his pants, and you knew it.
You swing open the door to see Cognac with his knees pressed together and his thighs flush against his crotch, as if it was taking his full effort to not leak right there and then. As soon as he sees your bare, exposed body, his face turns red, and he can no longer meet your eyes.
“Yes daddy, I’m still waiting for the pictures,” Cognac whimpers.
The audacity. The gall! You angrily think about how people still you see you as a slut. You’ve worked really hard to bring down your body count from 15 to 5 people a week. And still, nothing works. Whatever, you’ll keep it classy.
“Nah, you ain’t getting any until after the second date,” you say with a chuckle. Cognac’s face drops a little, but he still looks hopeful, with his wide, puppy dog eyes.
“Are you serious. Like it’s not that deep. We can do it on the first date. Like why you playing like that.” he mutters angrily under his breath.
Never have you met such a man-whore before, someone so desperate for your throbbing member and trembling, tight asshole. It was pathetic and disgusting, and it turned you on so much. It was exhilarating, this mixture of anger and horniness. It made you throb with every furious exhale; you felt your cock pulsing at the thought of grabbing this little gremlin by the dick and lifting him six feet off the ground.
“Hey you need to work for it man. Like this shit don’t come cheap,” you continue to tease him. Your half moon smile presses harder against your cheek, just like the way your dick pressed against your pants, without boxers. You never wear boxers. You don’t wear underwear at all actually. Better circulation.
Finally, it comes out. Well not the dingaling. But the pathetic, desperate tone. Cognac couldn’t stop. He wanted it. He needed it.
“You want me to work for that ‘d’?” Cognac asks, practically begging.
You got him now, like a fly on a spider web. You can watch him struggle all he wants, but he’s not escaping this trap, at least not without getting covered by slimy, sticky, white strands first. Like a spider web. Duh!
“Yessir. Beg.” you demand. Cognac lets out a little moan, unable to control his biological desires. It was innate, primal, animalistic even. Something beyond human comprehension.
“I’ll just whip it out,” he whines, stomping his foot. Meanwhile, his 10 inch flopper swung around in his sweatpants. He also didn’t wear underwear. Underwear was for losers.
A little drool slips out your mouth, before you register it’s there.
“Whip out what? That monstrous cock you have hiding?” you whisper.
“Your dingaling,” Cognac whispers back, “And that too.”
Does he think he can get me to fold that easily? He’s mistaken.
“As if you could even touch it,” you say.
“With ease,” Cognac snaps back, regaining some of his confidence.
You get closer to him. With mere inches between your bodies. “Yeah sure buddy. You wouldn’t be the first to think that,” you say, trying to make him more frustrated. Your thoughts are becoming hazy.
“My nickname is ‘Master Oogway’, anything is possible for me.” Cognac is trying to be funny, but you know he’s just using humor as a coping mechanism to avoid bursting. You can’t control yourself anymore.
You felt scared. You've never felt love like this before. You've never felt love before. It was terrifying being vulnerable, letting another bask with all your 7 inch cock glory. You wanted an escape. You wanted out.
“Cognac, I’m going to Spain in two hours. We can’t do this right now,” you say, but you find yourself inching ever closer to him. Your members are almost touching now. It’s like your body is moving on its own. You can’t stop yourself from getting closer to him. Your brain was saying no, but your heart, which you felt in every throbbing pulse that ran down your dick head, was saying yes. It was screaming yes. It wanted it so bad. It needed it so bad. You needed it, so bad.
“I’m just going to slip it in you,” Cognac says, with his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Your bodies are completely making contact now. A sense of euphoria washes over you. Your decision making skills are not as effective. Your lack of better judgment makes you want him even more.
“Slip what in me,” you say innocently. You want him to say it. To feel it roll off his tongue and up your ass. You won’t be able to control yourself then.
“I’ll leave that up to your imagination,” Cognac replies. You feel dizzy and weak, and he catches you. You can't coordinate yourself, and find yourself desperately grinding against and hooking your quivering asshole on his still clothed member, Getting frustrated, you answer your own question, based on what your left butt cheek was feeling. “I’m assuming you’re talking about the 10 inch throbbing glizzy you have hiding in your pants?”
“Erm- it’s actually 11,” Cognac says instantly. A neighbor walks outside to grab his mail, but you can't stop. You let out desperate moans and grunts as you feel Cognac flop against you. The neighbor turns around, with a fearful expression on his face and starts furiously masturbating. But it was small, pathetic. The cock of a commoner peasant servant who watches like a peeping tom when the royalty bang, unworthy of ever feeling the drops of noble precum.
Hell, let the entire neighborhood see! Let the entire goddamn world see what you have in store tonight. You can no longer hold yourself back. You stumble into the house, pulling him closer to you (of course, by grabbing his dick with your clenched cheeks and leading him in like a stray cow on an Indian roadside). Maybe Spain can wait…
#smut#exhibtionist#m!reader#male reader#gay men#gay love#drinking#alcohol addiction#public#gay mlm#mlm#mlm yearning#mlm love#mlm nsft#farm#farmcore#farmlife#cottagecore#traveling#spain#kung fu panda#master oogway#18+ only#18+ content
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Echo 3 s01e06: Bambi, hopeless and drunk, is still looking for a way to rescue his sister in Venezuela. When his brother-in-law Prince and Mitch come to tell him they have a plan and to tag along, he refuses. They drug him and take him away without his consent.
“Bro, you’re a mess. It’s concerning.”
+bonus:
#whumpedit#whump#echo3edit#echo 3#alex bambi chesborough#bambi#luke evans#addiction#alcohol addiction#drugged#needles#sedated#passing out#carried#unconscious#head lolling#helped to walk#helped to stand#my gifs#echo 3 spoilers#taking a mini break from blood origin gifs…#i started watching because of michiel huisman ☺️! he has whump in ep 3 and 4 if anyone wanna check it out#the show is slow paced but it’s good
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April is Alcohol Awareness Month.
Remember, just because it's legal doesn't mean it's any safer than other drugs.
Alcohol causes a lot of deaths in various ways.
Cirrhosis is also becoming more common among young people.
Please, be careful.
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Today's affirmation:
Someone who enables my consumption is not my friend.
#personal posts#psych ward blogging#alcohol addiction#substance use disorder#substance use disorder recovery#alcohol addiction recovery#made a big steppy steppy today#currently sitting at a lake in the middle of storm to cope with my feelings
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What’s SK!Sun response to a potential target coming in the library to research self help books/groups? Say like a parent asking if he has anything on assisting achohol addiction or if he happens to know any rehab group meetings?
At first he'd be apprehensive, and may not even believe it because it's rare for either of them to see Rulebreakers actually attempt to make a change. But he would go along with it and give them the book or info they need.
Then he'd wait and see if the Rulebreaker's intentions were true. If not...then you know how it ends.
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Okay so a few words about today.
TW: mental health stuff
One of my employees, she is older, I don't even know her exact age but a little over 50. So anyway she and her husband are having marital problems. I already knew about that.
She said to me: “I really don't know what to do. My husband is constantly negative. I already read about depression and it sounds like he fits into this.” My BPD brain did its thing and I though “oh no...dude has anxiety”. But I said nothing because I customer walked into the store. I started thinking:”depression....I know something about that. I was even diagnosed with that a long time ago. What can I do...What I can I say to her? Should I open up and if so how much should I share?!”
Another hour went by and she walked into my office and sat on a chair and started talking about her husband again. So I brought up stuff like couples therapy or asking a therapist for advice. She said that she already talked to a therapist a few times but there is not much she can do because he thinks he has no problem at all and everyone else is the problem. My BPD brain is nice and is like “that's a thing a narcissist does.......not helping and also I don't know him that well.”
So I just thought “what the hell...let's just share some stuff and see how it goes”. I could see in her face that she was really devastated about the whole situation.
I told her that it's hard to help someone who does not want help or even understand that they have problem. I know that because there was a time where I was the same way. Her eyes got veeeeeery huge. So I continued and talked about my struggle with addiction. I even said that I had an ED, self-harmed and that I'm an alcoholic.
And then we just talked and talked and talked and talked for an hour.
The weather was shitty and there were no customers around anyway. Idk if it helped what I said...
That stupid stigma around mental health issues. I just hate it and I can only change that by being open with my own struggles. At leat that's how I see it.
Idk what else to say...
See this as a shout-out to anyone struggling who has the guts to open up to someone. And if you don't have that yet then I fully understand!
#mental illness#mental health#healing from trauma#healing from abuse#ed recovery#sh recovery#alcohol addiction#personal stuff
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YALL TOMORROW (Wednesday April 10th) IS GONNA BE THE BIG 100!
I FUCKING MADE IT
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sobriety is so constantly changing. I am someone who ferociously represses my feelings and spent most of my life walking around holding in a lot of emotional pain but also holding in my good feelings because I was scared of how they'd be received. I'm 2 years and 3 months sober as I write this. in a lot of the community im still a baby sober. for two years I haven't been able to just obliterate my anxiety or discomfort or feelings I thought might disappoint me. and don't get me wrong I've still been not feeling my feelings for two years — swinging wildly between numb and overwhelmed— but I've had gently increasing spells of calm. of feeling feelings. only tiny increments, but accepting those tiny increments. and they lead to more. to trying new things and surprise joy and being and having a safety net when it goes wrong.
sobriety is joy and suffering and knowing you need one to have the other.
#sobriety#2 years sober#alcohol addiction#tw alcohol#sober#sober queer#mine#stonebutchooze speaks#and to be honest i could say a lot of this about ed recovery too
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"Fuck me before I die"
Fandom: Jacksepticeye Egos
Alternate Universe: Normalcy AU
Ship(s): Schneeplebro (Platonic/Implied Sexual)
Character(s): Henrik von Schneeplestein, Chase Brody
Warning(s): Alcohol abuse, mentioned depression, talks of suicide, smoking mention, vomiting
Originally Published: Oct. 26, 2023
Word Count: 3,283
Author's Notes:
so, you read the tags (i hope). you know that this is a very heavy one. and if you didn't, i'm saying it right here and now: this is a very heavy one. i'm pretty sure the dead dove tag applies to this one, so i'm using it. if there's any other tags i should use, as always let me know (still don't fully know what tags are available on here)
this is exploring chase and henrik's relationship to each other a little, even though it's during an extremely hard moment in chase's life. but hey, aren't the hardships the best times to explore characters and how they interact? : )
small and quick german phrases will be in german, but if there's any instance where henrik speaks a full sentence in german it'll be indicated by these [ ] brackets, just to make it easier to understand him.
pronoun check:
henrik: he/him
chase: he/him, they/them
Link:
if you liked what you read, consider giving this a reblog, please! it'll let more people see my work!
[plain text: if you liked what you read, consider giving this a reblog, please! it'll let more people see my work!]
The Normalcy AU MAsterpost
Full Story:
The nearly freezing rain beat against Chase's skin and made his clothes stick in the most uncomfortable way. He could barely see through the water dripping from his bangs, but in his drunken state he didn't care. He didn't care about anything, really. He could feel the effects of the whiskey he downed not that long ago but it didn't cure his numbness. Seeing his brother, Jackie, earlier didn't help. And he knew whom he was going to see now wouldn't, either. But that was his plan, wasn't it? Ever since Stacy came by to let him know.
"Chase, what the hell...? What...?"
"What..? Jus'... Tryna drink an' forget... An' all that..."
"Did you forget that you were supposed to take the kids today?"
"... Figured you- you wouldn't want me seein' the kids.. Cuz'a the beer an' shit.."
"I just... I thought that maybe you had tried getting help, like I asked.."
He still held the whiskey bottle he'd bought in his hand. He threw his head back as the glass opening touched his lips, hoping for even just a drop of the burning liquid. He didn't want to think about this morning. He didn't want to think at all. He wanted to forget everything for a little while. Forget how much he had screwed his life up in a few years. If only he had actually grown up, had tried a little harder. If only...
The burning neon light signing "Emergency Room" stung his eyes, needing him to shield himself by pulling his hat down further. He was finally here, now all he had to do was wait. So he sat against one of the pillars and did just that. Waited. Despite the sign on the wall telling him he wasn't allowed to smoke he still tried to find his cigarette pack in any of his pockets. When he realized he didn't have it he silently cursed. He could've sworn he picked some up with the whiskey. Next best thing was to just chew on his hoodie string and try not to think.
Don't think, don't think, don't think, don't think, DON'T THI-
"Chase...?"
Chase was jolted out of his thoughts by a voice. He looked up and saw whom he wanted to see. Henrik, an old friend of his. They hadn't seen each other in... Chase couldn't remember. Henrik went to medical school and that took up his time. Then his wife got pregnant and that took up his time. Then his wife gave birth prematurely and died, leaving Hen as a single father in med school. Then Chase's divorce that made him want to...
They just hadn't seen each other in a while.
Chase did his best to stand up, but he nearly tripped over his own two feet doing so. The only thing that kept him from tasting rain water and concrete was Henrik catching him.
"Gah- Verdammte Hölle, Chase, are you-" And then Henrik took a sniff, and the strong smell of whiskey wafting from Chase nearly caused him to turn away. "You've been drinking again."
"Man.. Really putting that brain to good-" Chase was interrupted by a hiccup. "Good use.." He could barely stand up properly as he chuckled a little. He didn't even realize he had left the bottle in its paper bag on the ground. "Got nothin' better t'do these days..." What else could he do? The only thing that kept him from spiraling was the burning syrup going down his throat and making his mind fuzzy. And when that fuzz went away, down some more. An endless cycle that he didn't see the point of breaking now.
"Wha's the point in.. In getting help..? Won't fix my shit life.."
"Yeah, because once you get help and back on your feet then you'll be the one to fix your life. And it's not like you'll have to do it alone."
"Pfft, no one's gonna help me.. No one gives a shit 'bout some... Some sad asshole..."
"Chase, that isn't true! You've got Jackie and your parents, you've got me-"
"I don't got you anymore... Fucked that up, i's all I do, remember..?"
"Chase..."
"- Chase!"
Chase was snapped out of his thoughts by a different voice yelling his name. He hadn't even realized he had sunk right back into his thoughts, but he was thankful that he'd been snapped out of it. "So- Sorry... Lots'a thoughts as always..."
Henrik let out a sigh as he looked around for Chase's car, although realizing just how drunk the other was made him grateful he didn't seem to see it anywhere. It meant he didn't drive all the way here while drinking. He didn't even really care what brought Chase to the hospital tonight, whatever the reason he needed to be brought home. Or maybe to Jackie so that he didn't keep drinking. "Alright, I'm driving you... Somewhere. Probably to your brother, I do not trust you to be alone." The doctor helped his friend to his side and wrapped the other's arm around his shoulders, his own arm wrapping tightly around his waist as they walked to keep him upright. "I could try and clear your apartment of any alcohol you have and you would possibly have some stashed in a secret cabinet."
"Want you t'come home with me..." Chase mumbled out as he watched his feet sway and stumble across the parking lot concrete. It didn't even feel like he was walking at this point, like Henrik was just pulling him along and he was pretending to walk. "Have a night of fun... Like we used to 'fore we met Stacy an' Maria..."
Henrik nearly dropped Chase at that suggestion. He knew perfectly well what "a night of fun" meant. Before the pair had met their now ex wives they fooled around together. A lot. It basically became routine for them to go home together for a hard fuck whenever they met up. Hen nearly considered it before he shook his head a little. "Chase you are far too drunk for that, you probably don't even know what you are ta-"
"Had this idea since this morning... Wasn't drunk then..." Chase knew if he told the truth Henrik wouldn't come back with him. He chuckled a little as he looked up at his friend, and the doctor was able to see just how shitty the other looked. He was soaked and pale and probably freezing, and judging by the huge dark circles under his eyes- and just how sunken they looked- he'd been getting barely any sleep lately. Hell, there's a chance he didn't let himself sleep, simply having his body force himself to pass out for even a few hours of rest. He was in horrible shape. "C'mon, jus' one last night... An' then I won't bother you again.."
That sentence... Concerned Henrik. He didn't want to think about what that could imply. It could simply just be that Chase wouldn't ask for any more favors. But...
"Alright, fine." Hen didn't want his friend to be alone tonight. He didn't know what could happen if he simply took Chase home and left him there. And taking him to Jackie maybe wouldn't be any better. Maybe being a doctor gave him a bit of a savior complex but he just had a feeling that he needed to be with his friend tonight. And if that included a quick fuck with a drunk man, then he could suck it up and deal. "But we are going to your apartment, I am not letting Robbie hear us." All the doctor got was a hum in response as he helped Chase into the passenger side of the car, getting in on the driver's side and pulling his phone out.
Chase didn't understand a word that Henrik was saying while speaking to... Whoever. It was all in german. Probably one of Hen's parents, telling them he wouldn't be home tonight. He didn't really care much as he watched water droplets fall from his hat and onto his lap. His hand gripped at... Nothing. "Shit, left my- My drink back there.." He tried to get out of the car but Henrik was quick to place an arm over his chest, giving a glare as he continued talking. Okay, he wasn't getting out of the car any time soon apparently. But he really needed that drink.
It took a few more seconds before the doctor put his phone away, replacing it with his car keys. "So long as I am with you you will not be having any alcohol." The engine revved to life once the keys were turned and they were off to Chase's apartment. Thankfully Henrik remembered the way there from the hospital. "I will keep you distracted all night if I have to."
Chase let out a snort and a chuckle. "Don't think my ass can handle that much dick.. Or are you gonna let me play with you tonight..?" His speech was getting less slurred now. That was good, it meant he was slowly getting sober. Henrik couldn't help his little chuckle at the other's words. He missed his friend's dirty humor, sometimes.
"Whatever you need me to do so you will stay away from the bottle."
Thankfully Henrik managed to keep the conversation going the entire half an hour they were driving. It never gave Chase a chance to go back into his head and think too much. The doctor knew that was the last thing his friend needed right now, was to think about anything else but the present moment. And it was nice to just... Talk. About anything and everything that came to their minds, about a new movie one of them saw recently or what they had to eat last night. He needed to reach out to Chase more often, even if it was just to talk on the phone for a few minutes. Maybe that could help the other get just a little better as well.
It took several minutes to get Chase out of the car and up the stairs to his apartment. It didn't help that he nearly tripped right back down the stairs a couple of times. But soon they were inside, and Henrik was immediately hit with the horribly strong smell of various alcohols, as well as the state of the apartment. Glass bottles, cans, and take out containers littered every surface area. Dishes that probably hadn't been used in weeks were stacked on the kitchen counter.
"[Jesus Christ, Chase, how are you living like this...?]" Henrik spoke under his breath as he looked around the disheveled apartment. All he got was a groan in response. Chase was barely hanging on to the doctor, his head hung low and tangled hair covering his growing pale face.
"Doc, I don'... Feel so good..." He mumbled before his body lurched forward with a retch. The doctor was snapped out of his shock over his surroundings and was quick to lead Chase to the nearby sink so he could vomit any contents that were in his stomach. This certainly wasn't the first time Henrik had seen someone puke their guts out, he'd become desensitized to it thanks to working in the medical field. So he was able to look over what was in the vomit, disappointed that it was purely liquid. Maybe he just hadn't eaten in the past few hours, but knowing his friend's mental state...
Henrik turned the faucet on to wash away the rest of the vomit, grabbing a paper towel and wetting it to help clean Chase's mouth. "Alright, because of that we are not having sex tonight.. I'm assuming you have not eaten at all today, so I am going to order us some take out and we will watch movies together." The other man let out a small groan as he shook his head, letting out a few coughs to make sure everything was out of his system.
"Uh-uh... Gotta stick with the plan..." Chase chuckled a little as he moved his hair out of his face. "Gonna be the last chance you'll ever have t'fuck me, man..."
Henrik could feel a pit form in his stomach at that sentence. In other circumstances, that sentence could be taken as a good thing. Chase could be seeing someone else, or he was moving across the country. Anything else would make sense in a different situation. But here? While his friend was hunched over the sink, his life seemingly becoming more of a mess? The doctor could hear his heart in his ears from how hard it was beating. "What do you mean by that, Chase..?"
"Gonna off myself t'night.." Chase hummed a little as he stared into the sink drain. The dark hole at the bottom of the silver dish felt like it was growing more and more and soon it would just swallow him whole. "Had a whole plan and everything.. Go hang with Jackie for a while, then bring you back here to get-" He heaved a little before he went back to talking. "-get my brains fucked out. Or fuck your brains out, either was cool.. And then I'd be gone..! Once less screw up in the world..."
It felt like Henrik's heart completely stopped. He knew it hadn't, he knew what a heart stopping was actually supposed to feel like. His heart was still technically beating, but in the moment it seemingly just... Stopped. The entire world around him stopped as Chase's words sunk in. He made this entire plan, one last day of fun with the ones closest to him, and then...
Henrik felt like he was going to puke.
How did any of them not notice how far gone this man had become?
"Chase... What..." The doctor ran a hand through his hair in any attempt to stabilize himself, to keep himself as calm as he could be right now. He needed to be calm for Chase. "Why did you never say anything..? If you are feeling that low one of us could have helped you. Is it money that is the issue? I can cover any therapy bills that you may ne-"
"Stacy took the kids." Henrik was interrupted by his friend's low voice. His stare into the sink was so intense he could have set it on fire by now. "Caught me drunk this morning. I was supposed to take the kids but... C'mon, they don't wanna be around their sad dad." Chase finally looked up at the doctor. His dark blue eyes, once holding so much spark and excitement... They truly looked dead. Completely dull. "So she took 'em. Something about... I dunno, doing it for my own good?" He let out a snorted chuckle. "Lot'a good that did, huh..."
"Chase, you can't keep doing this! You're gonna drink yourself to death!"
"Isn't that what everything wants? Finally, the dead beat's actually dead... Don't gotta watch 'im spiral anymore..."
"....... I'm taking the kids back to my place. You're not allowed to see them until you get some sort of help."
"Wh-"
"Those kids love you to fucking death, Chase! You seriously think they want their own father dead?! I just-..."
"Stace..."
"... I know how much they mean to you. That's why I'm doing this. Get sober, get help, anything. Just... Stop drinking yourself into a hole. If you won't do that for all your friends, maybe even your own brother, then do it for them. Give them their dad back. Please..."
Chase was snapped back into reality by Henrik shaking his shoulder and calling out his name. He looked up at the doctor... And he didn't expect the expression he'd see. The other's face was pale, tears already starting to fall down his face. What was he crying for? "Hey, doc, what's with the long fa-" He was immediately cut off as arms pulled him into a tight yet shaky hug. Oh, this... He hadn't felt one of these in a while. Sure, of course Jackie gave him hugs. But... This one was so emotional. Henrik held him like he might vanish right then and there if he let go. Chase needed to take a few moments before his own arms wrapped just as tightly around his friend, nuzzling his face into the crook of the other's neck. The doctor's hand ran itself through the other's hair.
"Chase, ki-" Henrik needed to take a pause at that word. "Killing yourself is not the answer to losing your kids... You should be trying to get better..." The other man gave a dry, hollow chuckle in response.
"I... I don't think I can, doc..." He pulled his face away as his own tears started to form. He didn't want to start crying on his friend. "What the hell am I supposed to do, huh? Just quit cold turkey? I mean- Fuck, how long would it even take..?? What if Stacy's never happy with my progress or whatever.."
"Please, do you really think she would do that to you..?" One of the doctor's hands reached up to gently cup Chase's cheek, earning a tired sigh from the other man as he leaned into the touch. "She knows just how much you love your children.. She is taking them away because she thinks they are the only thing that will get you to recover. The rest of us have tried everything we could, and that has not worked. What else is there to do..? Because there is not a single chance that we are just going to leave you to die. We will all help you in any way we can. Just please, try to get better..."
Sometimes you don't realize how badly you need someone to hit you with reality until it happens to you. Chase wanted so badly to ignore Henrik's words. To keep telling both of them that he wasn't deserving of anyone's help, that at this point he was far too gone. That he should just be rotting six feet below by now. But he wanted to get better so bad. He didn't want to keep laying on the couch drinking until he passed out, and have the cycle just keep repeating. He wanted to see his friend and family again. He wanted to see his kids laugh and smile, he wanted to crack jokes, he wanted to look at the world and not see grays.
He wanted to get better.
Chase only gave a noise in response as he leaned more into Henrik's arms. At this point he was just so tired that he could barely do anything else, only limply wrapping his own arms around the doctor for any sort of closeness. That's what he needed so badly right now. Just to be close to someone that apparently cared about him. He was glad that that person was Henrik right now. And they just stood there next to the sink for what seemed like hours, even if it had only been mere minutes. Just standing there in each other's arms and taking in the air around them. There were so many things that both of them wanted to say, but after Henrik's words the silence was needed so much more. And in all honesty, both of them just needed some rest, even if it was simply sitting down together.
"Hey doc...?" Chase spoke up after another minute, his voice just barely loud enough for Henrik to hear him.
"Hm...?"
"You mentioned take out... Could we get pizza...? Haven't eaten all day..."
Henrik couldn't help his small chuckle as he nodded, leaving a small kiss on the other's head. "Sure... Does pepperoni sound good...?"
"Sounds amazing right now..."
#ashton is writing#normalcy au#jacksepticeye egos#jacksepticeye au#henrik von schneeplestein#chase brody#alcohol addiction#tw sui talk#vomiting#ask to tag#cuz i have no idea how to tag this over here-#anyways heavy ass fic for henrik and chase you're welcome guys-#kinda rushed the ending a little cuz i was out of ideas by the end
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youtube
𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐄𝐮𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚, 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭
#silverdaddies#lgbtq#older gay men#older gay#gay community#mature gay men#gay over 60#gay artist#substance abuse#alcohol addiction#addiction issues#hardcore drugs#drugs addiction#addiction awareness#alcoholism#addict#meth addict#Youtube
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Day 1 of becoming sober
Hmm, this is going to be personal blog but also put in the wild for people to see. I’m going to stay anonymous but I want to hold myself accountable.
I’ve woken at 5am, started my day differently and holding myself accountable to not drink anymore, not 1 sip, 1 glass or 1 low in alcohol drink. I’m going to fight my addiction and come out stronger.
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“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He hiccuped between his sentences and sniffed as the tears started to fall down his face, “I didn’t mean to.” Arms wrapped around his shoulders and brought him in until he reached his chest. “I know.” A kiss to the forehead was softly pressed upon, “I know you didn’t. But you did.” Fingers crawled up to brush away the hair that craved his face. “You need help, think about Liam and Eden.”
“I know. I-“
“Remus. For the love of God, if you say I know once more I will kick you out. I will never stop loving you, you took me at my worst and now I am going to do the same for you. The vows weren’t for nothing.” His smooth like honey voice soothed as Remus’ eyes started to cloud with tears.
“Okay. Okay. Severus…” Remus’ voice cracked and one of Severus’ long, slender fingers went under his lashes and wiped away the new tears. “We are here for you.” His husband murmured, resting his chin on Remus’ head.
The older couple sat there for what seemed forever on their couch. In their house, that they’ve called home for the last twenty years. A home where they raised their two kids, a home where they worked out every problem they had. A home where they loved and loved and loved and loved over and over again, it took a lot for Severus and Remus to be together. It’s gonna take a lot more than a stupid alcohol addiction to break them apart.
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