God dude these two scenes and how roxie moves hurt my heart so so bad 🥹

it's like a mix of anger, feral, emotional breakdown, and complete sadness that just fucks me up soooo fucking bad.

it's like she's a pet who got abandoned by their owner but they see them again after years of sadness and depression of them being gone and leaving them like that and all that anger and sadness just manifest's into one bundle of emotion's towards them they cannot control.

roxie baby ur gonna be okay u deserve better :[

light yagami hcs but theres actually a psychoanalysis for some of them

— light has social anxiety. HEAR ME OUT!!!! he wouldnt admit it to anyone (himself included). for him it doesn’t manifest in the way where he apologizes for everything, stutters over his words, etc. instead; he grew up not able to make friends easily because it was always hard to relate when he was already so much more mentally developed than everyone else, and his mom caught on to this, so being the kind mother she is, sachiko tries to make him feel better about it because she thought that it upset him. same w his father. so growing up he was constantly told that he was just more mature than his peers and ir wasnt his fault, which caused him to develop a superiority complex, “i don’t have friends because im better than everyone else, and they bore me.” was probably his thought process, similar to how tomoko (watamote) is w her social anxiety, he blames everyone else for his loneliness rather than thinking there’s something wrong with him. again, similarly to tomoko, he changes the way he is to seem more normal even if he doesnt care to surround himself w people. he overthinks every conversation he has even before he becomes kira and is constantly questioning if he seemed normal enough 😧

— light likes carrot cake. no reason for this one except i rly like carrot cake so he obviously has to be the biggest fan of carrot cake ever

— if the death note didnt exist, and light didnt become kira and neither did anyone else, he would’ve experienced gifted kid burnout for the first time in his life being absolutely bored out of his mind, and he would’ve become severely depressed, borderline suicidal because it seemed like nothing mattered anymore and slowly but surely, he wouldve stopped having the motivation to participate in school, stopped trying to seem normal for the ppl around him, stopped talking to anyone in general, and likely became a recluse or kill himself. i say this bc i think the only reason he never became like that is bc he became kira, giving him a ‘purpose’ in life (passing judgement)

— light has a short temper, due to constantly having to mask around people. he tried to take his moms advice on making a friend in like 4th grade and when he came home, he went straight to his room, locked the door, and screamed into his pillow for a good 30 minutes from pure exhaustion and exasperation. safe to say he stayed polite after that, but never tried to have a genuine conversation with anyone ever again. this fueled his superiority complex probably, enforcing the belief that he was smarter and just generally better than everyone else around him.

— if he ever met beyond, b would absolutely test his patience. im under the belief that if they were acquaintances for a while, light would’ve tried to strangle b at least once. it would not work, and b would find that hilarious, because light doesnt like getting his hands dirty, and the first and only time he tries, he fails miserably. bloodmoon truthers i love you

— he has 97 mental illnesses and is banned from most public spaces /ref (personally i hc him w npd, aspd, avpd, & ocd)

— he got a cat when he moved out of his parents house and would absolutely go batshit (even more so) if anything ever happened to it. like a john wick situation. also the cats name is ai (愛), meaning love in japanese :3

— bloodmoon hc #2 , in the situation where instead of dying, b finds light on the staircase and saves him, fixing him up himself instead of going to a hospital for obvious reasons. also light would give up ownership of the book to b, but would have the book with him at all times to keep his memories. light hates him at first both because b is a murderer and bc he reminds light too much of L. over time they become sort of replacements for each other. light sees L in b, and b sees A in light (physical similarities for both)

— light despises apples. hes always pictured w them bc of ryuk, but thats exactly why he hates them. ryuk would have him buy every apple he sees, or just apple themed things and light would be sooo pissed and yell at ryuk for draining his wallet

— light has a phobia of needles. whenever he has to get a shot or something he’ll keep a tight-lipped smile but would be freaking the fuck out in his mind

ummm thats all for now methinks. yea ^_^ light is literally me so this is all very real trust

heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠ḩ̴̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͜͝͝ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧̢͕̙̞̳̩͈̲͉͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.

HI I FORGTO TO POST THIS UM ANWA S i am thinking about the besties (six mono rk and rcg obviously) and i wanted to write down a little. a little thing abt their relationships idk what to call this i am just thinking (this is all my personal thoughts btw u dont have to agree with anything i say but feel free 2 give some of ur own input :] )

OK SO this is sort of long(?) so haha 

starting with six; six’s closest buddy is (obviously) mono; they’re basically inseperable and may as well be attached at the side at this point. if you see one and not the other then Run because the other is behind you probably /j because six has never felt as though she has a safe space, she often considers mono her home, whether she realises it or not, and mono feels a similar way they go to each other for help and can communicate sometimes without words, theyre both happy to tolerate each other and theres clearly a bond between them you could see from a mile away. they rarely get seriously upset with each other and when they do they find a comfortable way to work it out. six would probably kill for mono, and he’d gladly die for her in return, even when none of them outright admit it. mono is one of the only people six actually talks to, and the only person allowed to touch her. on top of just being great friends that do truly care for each other in their own ways, they’re also an amazing duo that are great alone but are close to unstoppable together; they both have their own strengths that almost perfectly balance each other out, even when their differences sometimes get in the way, and theres really no situation they cant get out of as a team

next in line is rcg (i will refer 2 her as sandy to make this easier and because i think that is a cute name for her); sandy is like six’s older sister (tbh she is everyones older sister) and theyre both on pretty good terms with each other, shes pretty comfortable with sandy and trusts her a decent amount, if mono isnt around six wont hesitate to come to sandy for help and sandy will happily oblige :] six doesnt say it much but she appreciates that sandy is there to help and puts up with sixs sometimes unruly behavior and overall shenanigans, while sandys glad she can be a sort of guardian figure for six (and most of the other kids) and she finds the trust that the two of them are carefully forming is a great reward (six let her braid parts of her hair once and sandy was so honored, it has never happened again but sandy is determined that it will) last but not least is six’s relationship with rk; they don’t get along the best, and it probably would take a while to get them to really interact, and they definitely like to bicker or poke fun at each other from across the room but eventually, overall they tend to really just stay out of each others business. this proves 2 be hard sometimes though as they are kind of now in the same friend group (playable characters gang!!!!! *partying face emoji*) 

despite this theres still quite a few things they can bond over, and theyre both pretty comfortable in the sort of “frenemy” spot. most of the time they really dont mind situations where they have to team up together and just get along for a while, even if they still bully each other throughout  nowwww time for mono!!!!!!!!!!!  right away six is his best friend, like i said before theyre basically the same person except for the fact that theyre sort of total opposites he just adores her, thinks she is the absolute coolest and is always willing to give her his undivided attention. will obviously tell her off when needed but he’s always gentle and patient with her, and is always on her side, and six lets him know in her own way that she appreciates him greatly he loves to drag her into his activities and make sure shes included like i said before hes always patient with her, and makes sure she’s comfortable, for example when he goes to hug her (or just touch her at all) he’ll wait for a sign from her saying its okay; and if she’d rather be left alone he just sits with her and waits, ready for whenever she needs him for basically anything, and six always does the same for him

next is rcg/sandy!!!! like basically everyone else, he sees her sort of as an older sister, and appreciates her helping out with six’s shenanigans and being there for six when he isnt able to, even for a little bit. they actually make a pretty good team as well, and have tons in common. both of them love trying out new things and usually make plans together, and sandys happy to let him talk whenever he wants; whether he’s ranting, infodumping, or just bored and looking to strike up conversation, shes there to chat with!! also he loves her hugs because she always picks him up and spins him around  and again rk!!!! the two of them arent very close but still pretty friendly with each other and always manage to find things to talk about whenever theyre together, mono is always ecstatic to learn more about the nomes and rk happily shares his knowledge mono is also always trying to find ways to bring rk and six closer together, but always respects their boundaries, and rk appreciates it all tons now for sandy/rcg *evilly rubs my paws together*  starting with rk! dead buddies ahaha anyways like ive pointed out multiple times rcg sees the others as siblings, and rk is no exception! the two of them spend tons of time together, playing games usually with their nome friends!! sandy often drags him into doing things with her especially when shes trying out something new shes always happy to be there for him whenever he gets nervous about something (which. kinda happens a lot) and rk is there to comfort her in return when needed they share things with each other a lot, whether its information or physical objects or literally anything, they always feel the need to share it with the other  now six!! sandy is absolutely stoked to have a younger sister and six enjoys having an older sister as well sandy is always there for six whenever she needs something, and is working hard to gain her trust; she always gets excited whenever six wants to do something together, which in turn often makes six feel appreciated   i@dont even know what else to put here she just?? takes care of her very well ! she loves to tease six but always makes sure not to go over the line (kinda applies 2 everyone else aswell) mono!!! sandy adores his attitude and loves chatting with him, theres always something new to talk abt with him! they also have an unspoken “must protect six” code n chat about her a lot (all good things obviously)  even if they dont hang out too much she always has fun hangin out w him or getting together to plan stuff !!  i probably shouldve formatted this better bc ivre kind of already written rks relationship with everyone else but here we go anyways

rk and sandy!! rk is probably closest to her (and the nomes ofc) and just overall spends a lot of time around her, no matter what he’s doing he loves crafts, and sandy is always glad to join in making things, sometimes they make stuff for eachother  they also help out the nomes a lot together!! they make lil shelters/forts for them, sometimes for fun out of pillows and blankets and other times theyre more stable things, or, more often, they help clean out holes in the walls to make them liveable now mono!! rk loves to share his knowledge of the nomes with him, and they bond over other things too; for example both of them are interested in bugs :] actually they both adore most animals and rk is sure to let mono know whenever he finds a cool creature! rk also appreciates that mono tries to help six and rk become a little closer, as usually his schemes are harmless, whether they work or not  aaaand six! like i said before theyre not the best of friends and poke fun at eachother a lot, but when they need to team up they’ll somewhat tolerate each other. as much as he wants to, rk finds it hard to forgive six for yknow. eating him. six refuses to be very open about her side of the story, or atleast parts, which makes it a little harder, but theyre working on it and eventually they can atleast tolerate each other on top of that though, theyre also sort of opposites; rk thinks six is just mean and unruly, meanwhile six thinks rk is too soft and somewhat of a doormat  but again. overall they learn to put up with each other (barely)

What is happening in 5x03??

I’m not going to pretend I have any idea whats going on here but I have a THEORY! (Can you tell I want to be a theoretical astrophysicist?)

I might be going straight up CRAZY but here we are......

[possible spoilers for 5x03 (I seriously doubt im right but I really do hope this is whats happening here)]

My theory is the whole thing is a dream sequence. Not just the MacRiley moment but the WHOLE EPISODE and its all in Mac’s head....Stick with me here.

Firstly here are the promos incase you missed them.

1. MacRiley scene

2. Mac, Desi, Bozer and Riley at Mac's place

3. Team Phoenix on the mission.

My first reaction on seeing the MacRiley snippet...THIS IS A DREAM..right?! If you look closely the way its been edited with the rainbow-glare shining in and out makes it seem magical and almost surreal.

So the question is WHO THE HELL IS DREAMING? Again my first thought was Riley, because we know she has feelings for Mac but that little factoid about the moon and eclipses lasting for 7 minutes doesn't strike me as something Riley would know.(I am a space nerd and even I didn't know the size of the moon is 400 times smaller than the sun) Which makes me think its Mac’s dream. We’ll get back to this in a sec.

The second promo absolutely crushed my soul. Mac here is complaining about how Desi has time for Rlley but doesnt have time to go out on a date with him. UM WAT THE HECK?! WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?? Mac and Desi showed no ounce of interest in each other in episode 1 and 2 and now suddenly he wants to date her?

Also note here Bozer is encouraging Mac to ask Desi out *sort of*. He knows about RIley’s feelings. He would never in a million years talk Mac back into that relationship because he is his bestfriend and he saw the toll the whole Codex situation took on him.

[We didn't get a single Riley look either.. that would be possible only because Mac has no idea she has feelings]

Now the third promo is just the team going on the mission. Nothing too complex here (or is there????)

Okay so why do I think this WHOLE EPISODE IS A DREAM?

Well firstly, the very title of the episode has the word Eclipse in it. Why would they do that if it was only going to be a one minute scene? Eclipse has to have some sort of deeper relevance here. Sure you could just argue that they gave us a tiny snippet of the whole scene and again you could be right. Maybe they didn't want to give away too much?

But we know Mac and Riley are not undercover or on a mission. They seem to be having a catch up picnic thing that suddenly leads to a kiss (that totally got cut out before we could see it *cruel cruel world*) Like I said before the whole vibe of that scene seems dreamy. Also note Mac is doing most of the sharing here. Which does make me think its him dreaming, like an inner monologue but Riley’s there too.

Secondly, Mac complaining about Desi not spending enough time with him doesnt sound like him at alll. It would be something he has thought or just a weird dream thing.(Dreams can get weird and out of control too!)

Every single person in the Mac and Desi promo is behaving weirdly.

Thirdly, add Roman to all of this. There’s no way the dude survived. Its more likely he’s a part of Mac’s nightmare. A symbol of everything Codex took from him, coming back to wreck things.

Fourthly add the press release photos of Desi, Bozer and Russ to all this and things seem to be getting even more confusing. The photos would fit into a dream sequence though. Things cutting in and moving around without making sense.

So what’s the significance of the whole thing? Well what I think is happening here is Mac is conflicted and grieving all at the same time. The first part is him asking Desi out and you can see the awkwardness on both their faces which also reminds me of the first time he asked her out. Its almost as if he’s replaying the scene in his head. 

Bozer here might be a part of Mac’s consciousness‍ that wants him to fix things with Desi. I really do think theres a part of Mac that did love her at some point.

The significance of Russ being kidnapped might have something to do with their newly formed friendship. The two of them really seem like they are on the same page and Mac obviously cares about him.

The promo scenes with Russ have this weird blurry effect around them. It could just be to show Russ is confused so maybe I really am overthinking this.

We know Mac and Desi are forced to talk about their relationship. This might be Mac having a conversation with Desi in his own head. Maybe even him coming to realise that he and Desi are never going to work, that clinging to Desi and that sense of familiarity is bad for both of them. 

The second half of the dream or even the part before Mac just wakes up might be the part where he realises that he can have true peace with Riley, aka the picnic scene. (This could be in the beginning but if it really signifies what I think it might him waking up before the kiss would seem fitting)

[They have used the dreamworld before to show Mac coming to terms with not being able to save everyone and the loss of his mother...idk if they will do it again or not but they have done it once before]

An eclipse is supposed to represent growth and major change. Change of day into night. Him having feelings for Riley that have always been there but suddenly showing up might be the metaphor behind this whole episode.

As all us MacRIley fans have suspected before, Mac had feelings for Riley but he didn't deal with it. Kissing Riley in his dream sequence or almost doing it might be the trigger he needs. 

[SIDE NOTE: Some one tweeted that Lucas Till said this episode was going to blow our minds..I cant find the interview so I cant confirm this happened. He said what the writers are doing with this season blew his mind so take it with a grain of salt....]

THIS IS A VERY OPTIMISTIC THEORY AND I REALLY AM SORRY IF THINGS DONT WORK OUT THIS WAY BUT I REALLY HOPE I’M RIGHT!!

okay re: disability in pyre because im somehow not the only person interested in this 

first off disclaimer that obviously people get different dialogue in their games so im coming from what i got in mine about disabled!reader which was honestly NOT MUCH but some people may have gotten more that i dont know about. if you have more info about stuff, please respond! i’d love to hear it. or honestly just thoughts in general like im so up for a convo about this 

but its just so fascinating to me having a game that is built around physical competitions - sports for an easier term - where the basic concept is that this sport is how individual worth is determined and the status of citizen is restored 

and that game having an explicitly disabled protagonist who is unable to participate physically in those sports 

i’d like to clarify up front that i don’t think this is done badly in the game at all. my game didn’t talk about it much but i think this explanation in universe for why your PC doesnt play makes sense. i just want to chew on what this means. super ramble under the cut  

its explored multiple times how “right” the scribes actually are. obviously theyre held in high esteem, but were the rites really the correct or best way to go about things? are they a true test of worth or do they cause needless suffering and competition? is a workable option built in a corrupt system worth anything in the end? i think everything about the scribes & the rites is really interesting because its heavily coded as religion whereas it works more as a legal system. this is less about sin and more about societal exoneration. which brings us to the commonwealth 

we know the reader was exiled for being literate and is ALSO disabled. i think there’s a line in there that the disability is not new, which means being disabled is not in itself illegal in the commonwealth. which like. given everything that IS ILLEGAL thats like. honestly kind of surprising? even moontouched girl, who is heavily coded as autistic/ND, was exiled because no one claimed responsibility for her (i did not actually get her backstory in game though so i might be missing something there, again please let me know). there’s nothing i got in the game that says disability is really seen as a negative inherently. which makes it VERY STRANGE that the rites, the one way to regain freedom, is a test of physical ability 

we know from volfred (and possibly brighton too) that readers arent banned from participating in the rites. from what i got of volfred, it seems he filled both reader & participant roles at once. which means that truly the only thing stopping the player character from participating, and ultimately winning their freedom (from what we know up until the end) is that they are physically disabled. so what does that say about worth & value in the downside? the rites are how one is judged as worthy of freedom - does that therefore mean that those unable to play are not worthy of even being judged? does that mean that their worth is a complete nonfactor? or that they “deserve” to be in the downside without question? 

its really interesting that the rites weren’t introduced by the commonwealth themselves, the people who would be receiving those exiles BACK. if it was, i would be much more likely to say “this is their way of limiting the number & influence of disabled citizens”. but it wasn’t ... they were formed by the scribes, exiles themselves, in the downside. they were raised in a corrupt system, but ultimately they sought to reform it. so why then, in their process, would they make it MORE limiting? we see characters pushing themselves to compete way past the point where they should probably stop (you’ll live forever in my heart old dog man) and even that competing can cause illness. it’s obviously a strain on the body. it’s interesting too that the downside itself changes people physically - common folk turned into demons are bigger and stronger than they were before, but also much slower. im sure for just as many folk turned demons, who found themselves more powerful from their time in the downside, there were even more who found themselves disabled because of it. why did the scribes feel those people were not worth getting back? 

the one physically disabled character (from how i remember, please correct me if theres more!) that we see participating in the rites at all is sandra. obviously she’s not in the real things, but she does play & is good at it. however, sanda is a highly trained operative who received a lot of training even after she was blinded. so that does introduce the whole aspect of exceptionalism. physically disabled people are able to compete, but they have to work that much harder to “””overcome their disability””” to be on the same level 

and, obviously, its a video game, so the player character does have to be the “most important” and the one making decisions. but its also interesting that, because of that, in such a narrative heavy game, the character who cant compete is also the one holding the team together. did the scribes never anticipate a possibility like this? that a person unable to play could still be so important and influential? the very basis of the game is that people come together to form teams based on common values - did none of those values include situations of disability? or is that what the final rite is for? the 1 in 28 chance, with all the teams, that a disabled person could go free? that their team, again, would have to be the Very Best, and willing to choose the disabled member? and our player character is also A READER, one of the most vital things to have in the rites. would physically disabled people, with limited options for work and hobbies, not be more likely to turn to mental activities like learning to be literate? 

honestly this has no conclusion because its just a bunch of thoughts thrown at the page but i DID only finish this game yesterday. if anyone got more dialogue about this in their games please let me know!!! or if you just want to have a convo :0 brain is in Pyre Thoughts Only mode right now 

this was written several weeks ago in response to asks i was receiving i am posting it now it is very long the longest i have ever made and it is not very well edited but here it is in this final essay i talk about how shitty rae is about black people in her writing as well as just me talking about how her writing sucks in general lets begin

hello everyone 

as you may know i have received a lot of anons in the last week or so about issues of racism in the beetlejuice community both just generally speaking and also within specific spaces 

i was very frustrated to not be getting the answers i wanted because i typically do not talk about what i do not see but in an effort to be better about discourse i went looking through discourse from before my time in the fandom and i also received some receipts and information from my followers and from some friends

keep in mind that the voices and thoughts of bipoc are not only incredibly important at all times but in this circumstance it is important that if a bipoc has something to add you listen and learn and be better

i admit that when this happened i wasnt aware of the extent of what occurred and im angry at myself for not doing more at that time and i want to work harder to make sure something like this doesnt go unnoticed again

im a hesitant to talk about months old discourse because i have been criticized for bringing up quote old new unquote but this is very important and i am willing to face whatever comes from to me

lets talk about this

content from our local racist idiot that may be months old but its important

putting my thoughts under a cut to spare the dash but before i begin obviously this is awful

lets fucking unpack this folks

right out the gate op states that she supports artistic freedom but then within a couple words she goes against that statement

being entirely canon compliant isnt artistic freedom and even so if this person has so much respect for canon they wouldnt be out here erasing lydias obvious disgust for beetlejuice in the movie or ignoring lydias age for the sake of shipping that shit isnt canon either 

also we love the quick jab at the musical there hilarious we love it dont we because god forbid a licensed and successful branch on a media have any standing in this conversation but whatever

now lets scroll down and talk about the term racebending

the term racebending was coined around 2009 in response to the avatar the last airbender movie a film in which the east asian races of the characters were erased by casting white actors in the three leading roles of aang sokka and katara 

whenever the term racebending is used in a negative light it is almost always a case of whitewashing like casting scarlett johansen in ghost in the shell or the casting of white actors of the prince of persia sands of time instead of iranian ones

this kind of racebending erases minorities from beeing seen in media and is wrong

all that being said however racebending has also been noted to have very positive after effects like the 1997 adaptation of cinderella or casting samuel jackson as nick fury in the marvel movies nick fury was originally a white guy can you even imagine

i read this piece from an academic that said quote writers can change the race and cultural specificity of central characters or pull a secondary character of color from the margins transforming them into the central protagonist unquote

racebending like the kind that rae is so heated about is the kind of creative freedom that leads to more representation of bipoc in media which will never be a bad thing ever no matter how pissy you get about it

designing a version of a character as a poc isnt serving to make them necessarily better it serves to give new perspective and perhaps the opportunity to connect even more deeply with a character it doesnt marginalize or erase white people it can uplift poc and if you think uplifting poc is wrong because it tears down white people or whatever youre a fucking moron and you need to get out of your podunk white folk town and see the real world

the numbers of times a bipoc particularly a bipoc that is also lgbt+ has been represented in media are dwarfed by what i as a white dude have seen myself represented in media is and that isnt okay that isnt equality and its something that should change not only in mainstream media but in fandom spaces as well

lets move down a bit further to the part about bullying straight people which is hilarious and lets also talk about the term fetishistic as well lets start with that

this person literally writes explicit pornography of a minor and an adult are we really going to let someone like that dictate what is and what isnt fetishistic

similarly to doing a positive racebend situation people may project lgbt+ headcanons on a character because its part of who they are and it helps them feel closer to the character and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

depicting lgbt+ subject matter on existing characters isnt an inherently fetishistic action generally things only really become fetishistic when the media is being crafted and hyped by people who are outside of lgbt+ community for example how young teens used to flip a tit about yaoi or how chasers fetishize trans people

but drawing a character with top surgery scars or headcanoning them as trans is harmless and its just another way to interpret a character literally anone could be trans unless if their character bio says theyre cis and most of them dont go that deep so it really is open to interpretation and on the whole most creators encourage this sort of exploration because it is a good thing to get healthy representation out in the world

as for it being used to bully straights thats just funny i dont have anything else on that like if youre straight and you feel threatened and bullied because of someone headcanoning someone as anything that isnt cishet youre a fucking idiot and a weak baby idiot at that like the real world must fucking suck for you because lgbt+ people are everywhere and statistically a big chunk of your favorite characters arent cishet sorry be mad about it

lets roll down a bit further about the big meat of the issue which was when several artists were drawing interpretations of lydia as a black girl which i loved but clearly this person didnt love it because they have a very narrow and very racist and problematic view of what it means to be a black person

and before i move forward i must reiderate that i am a white person and you should listen to the thoughts of poc people like @fright-of-their-lives​ or @gender-chaotic it is not my place to explain what the black experience is like and it certainly isnt this persons either

implying that the story of a black person isnt worth telling unless if the character faces struggles like racism and prejudice is downright moronic 

why use the word kissable to describe a black persons lips now thats what i call fetishistic and its to another extreme if youre talking about a black version of lydia on top of that

the author of this post says herself that shes white so clearly shes the person whos an authority on the black experience and what it means to be a black person right am i reading that right or am i having a fucking conniption

how about allowing black characters to exist without having to struggle why cant a black version of lydia just be a goth teenager with a ghost problem who likes photography and is also black like she doesnt have to move to a hick town and get abused by racist folks she doesnt have to go through any more shit than she already goes through and if you honestly think thats the only way to tell a black persons story you need to get your brain cleaned

you know nothing about the complexities about being a black person and i dont either but you know wh odo black people who are doing black versions of canon characters they fucking know 

lets squiggle down just a bit further 

so the writer has issues with giving characters traits like a broad nose or larger lips if theyre a woman but if theyre a man suddenly its totally okay to go all ryan murphy ahs coven papa legba appropriation when approaching character design like are you fucking stupid do you hear yourself is that really how you see black men like what the fuck is wrong with you

none of the shit youre spewing takes bravery it takes ignorance and supreme levels of stupidity

do you really think you with your fic where a black lgbt+ woman is tortured and abused where you use the n word with a hard r to refer to her like that shits not okay its fucking depraved and yeah we know you love being shitty but like christ on a bike thats so much 

can we also talk about this

what the fuck is this fetishistic bull roar garbage calling this black character beyonce dressing her up in quote fuck me heels unquote are you are you seriously gonna write this and say its a shining example of how to write a black character youre basically saying ope here she is shes a sex icon haha im so progressive and i clealry understand the black experience hahahaha fuck you oh my god

on top of that theres a point where this character is only referred to as curly hair or the fact that the n word is used in the fic with the hard r like thats hands down not okay for you to use especially not in a manner like this jesus christ

oop heres a little more a sampling for you of the hell i am enduring in reading this drivel

oh boy lets put a leash on the angry black woman character lets put her in a leash and have the man imply hes a master like are you kidding me are you for real and what the fuck is with calling her shit like j lo and beyonce do you actually think thats clever at all are you just thinking of any poc that comes into your head for this 

also lydia fucking tells this girl that she shouldnt have lost her temper like she got fucking leashed im so tired why is this writing so problematic and also so bad

hold up before i lose my head lets look at some of her own comments on the matter of this character and what happens to her

hi hello youre just casually tossing the word lynch out there in the wide open world as if thats not a problem that is still real like are you fucking unhinged there have been multiple cases of this exact thing happening in our firepit of a country in the last five months alone like how can you still have shit like this up for people to read how can you be proud of work like this in this climate

and also what the fuck is that last bit 

what the actual fuck

i dont speak for black people as a white person but you do!? im sorry i had to get my punctuation out for that because wow thats fucking asinine just because one black person read your fic and didnt find the torture and abuse of your one black character abhorrant doesnt mean that the vast majority of people not only in the fandom but in the human population with decency are going to think its okay because its not 

i started this post hoping to be level headed and professional but jesus fucking christ this woman is something else white nationalism is alive and well folks and its name is rae

if you defend this woman you defend some truly abhorrant raecism

editors notes 

in order to get some perspective on these issues more fully some of the writing by the author was examined and on the whole it was pretty unreadable but i want to just call back to the very beginning of this essay where the person in question talked about holding canon in high regard but then in their writing they just go around giving people magic and shit and ignoring the end of the movie entirely like are you canon compliant or nah 

the writing doesnt even read like beetlejuice fanfic it reads as self indulgent fiction you could easily change the names and its just a bad fanfic from 2007

also can we talk about writing the lesbian character as an angry man hater like its 2020 dude and als olets touch on that girl on girl pandering while beetlejuice is just there like here we go fetishizing again wee

i cant find a way to work this into this already massive post but

im going to throw up

okay so thats a lot we have covered a lot today and im sure my ask box will regret it but this definitely should have been more picked apart when it happened

please feel free to add more to this i would love more perspectives than just my own.

My approach to flat colors + limited palette drawings

This is a follow up to this post  i made about how i go about figuring out a color palette for my limited palette drawings. an anon asked me about my actual technique of finishing them so this is gonna be an explanation of how I work in a limited palette with flat colors. I ended up with these thumbnails for a sketch last time so we’re gonna work from here and I’m gonna sort of walk through how i got to the finished version

first things first: every part of this process is just developed as a result of me messing around. take my advice with a grain of salt and if you think you know a way to do something better/that makes you more comfortable. go with that over what I say.

I’m honestly a little surprised when people express confusion about how i draw like this because it’s SUPER simple - literally all you’re doing is just stacking solid color blocks of shape. its very imprecise despite how sharp everything ends up looking. 

First things first is that you want to decide how you will be handling your edges throughout the duration. Do you want your shapes to be ultra-sharp and precise, or do you want a little bit of a wobblier, grainier edge? Both can look good but it’s VERY much a matter of situational basis. i’ve been favoring looser and grainier shapes so that’s how i’m going to be working on this. 

on the left here, you can see the shapes made with precise rectangular selections and an untextured pen, on the right, freehand drawn shapes and a grittier pen. There’s something immediately pretty different feeling about them. So play around with that first - its not something that’s fun to change halfway through! But lets step back a minute. It helps to work large to small. The two biggest shapes here are these orange chunks and everything gets stacked on top of them so i’m gonna do that first. 

Now, a key feature of what i do: clipping masks. almost all digital art programs have them. What a clipping mask does is it constrains the pixels of a layer to the transparency of the layer below it. Here I have the light orange layer, and then on top of it the buildings and billboard are clipped to the orange. Most of you probably already know this and I’m overexplaining a bit, but there was a time when i didnt know how clipping layers worked and someone had to explain it to me.

now you’ll notice the shapes of the buildings are rough, and sloppy. here’s the fun part: since this is all about stacking shapes, only your exterior edges matter. this all gets filled in. be as sloppy as you want when you’re making your shapes. in fact, the outside edges get trimmed out a bunch to when i do this - i go in and erase them clean. Don’t be too finnicky about drawing perfect and precise! its a waste of time. As long as the silhouette is what you want, the interior can be a nightmare.

Working this way, it’s important to keep your layers stacked in a way you can make sense of. Right now there are four layers here: the background dark orange, the two main orange rectangle shapes, and then the buildings on one layer and a billboard on the other. I rack up a LOT of layers doing this and it makes it annoying in some aspects, but being able to freely recolor any one chunk without losing my detail is a key aspect of this.

So, I block those out

Next, I do the same for the smaller chunks that are still main shapes. There are once again, a lot of layers here. The top layer is the hair - you can see the head showing through it. The head and arm underneath the hair, same layer. Then the cup. Then the light green pieces of paper. Then the dark green ones.

The cup is technically farther forward than the head and arm so you would think it’d go on top, but the point isnt to recreate the foreground and background hierarchy with layers so much as it is to group things in a way i can work with. The cup goes underneath so it can be grouped with all the other objects on the table. 

now, i just go and fill in all the shapes. i forgot to do the blinds but i get them later. you might notice a lot of these shapes are pretty rough, which was harder to notice before they were filled in. Now that I can see better, I go in with an eraser and clean up the edges until they’re the shape I want 

sometimes erasing leaves little bits of ‘noise’ around objects like on this napkin here. i like to keep a little bit of this noise for texture, but if you dont like it make sure to get rid of it! if you’re working very crisp this will stand out a LOT

Next up is to add some detail onto the objects

I flipped the canvas here because the head shape was wrong - the ears were uneven and i wanted to fix it. I want to go about adding detail onto the billboard and buildings. i do all detail with clipping masks - but the objects are clipped to another layer and so nothing can be clipped to them. instead, i unclip them and just erase by selection for the same effect

all of the text on the papers is clipped to the papers below it. the buttons are clipped to the phone. the yellow photos and card are actually another independent layer on top, in case i want to recolor them separately. im indecisive and end up recoloring things a lot. For the most part these objects are starting to become recognizable as more than just shapes

i go in an add the details on the background and character now. theres some more stuff on the table. the lines of the face and ears are on one layer, and the flats of the eyes below that. Here’s what each group of layers is, and what they look like on their own

The background/bottom chunk. Just the table, window, and shirt.

The middle bit. All the stuff on the table and the blinds.

Finally, the top, which is just his head and arm. 

now this stage is the bare bones of the drawing. you can more or less tell everything that’s happening. it reads. but its very much lacking in something - it doesnt have a ton of depth or interest. and adding that additional detailing, the dept and interest, is where stuff starts getting REALLY tricky and subjective. 

im gonna take you to a much simpler scenario to show the sort of options i go through at this stage

ahh its our dear friend, sphere casting shadow. this is, more or less, the kind of image we have. you can tell whats happening but it’s lackluster. there are TONSSS of ways frm here that you can go add interior detail to a shape once it has been established. here are some quick and SUPER rough examples

from top left to bottom right: flat cel shading, softer airbrushed/gradient shading, halftone, and a textured brush. Each of these has their strengths and weaknesses. They can also be combined.

for example, here’s the solid cel shading being used to contain a gradient/airbrushed detail. This image - probably the single oldest piece of my art i still willingly show people - is entirely colored with gradients being contained in cel-shaded chunks. It has a sort of soft, luminous quality but without losing its crispness.

here’s a super quick bust with some variations of stuff going on. obviously this is no masterpiece but you see how different types of detailing can interact with each other and be used to distinguish materials too. 

With the mob psycho comic I did, the detailing that wasnt line was done using a variety of halftones of different shapes layered on top of each other

by contrast parts of my ace attorney comic use a textured brush and have a sort of blended, papery feel

any of them can work for pretty much anything as long as you are using it with intent. practice around. mix styles of finishing together. find a comfort zone. the more you do it the more intuitive it becomes and at the heart of it this process is a very intuitive way of drawing because of how far removed it is from realism.

Now here is the trick - light and shadow.

Everything up to this point has been very flat and adding detail helps but there’s only so much that can accomplish. To get HEAVY light and shadow you need to think about things differently. I think if there’s any part of this process that’s complicated, its this one. 

To truly get the most out of your palette, you need to pick chunks of an image to be in higher/lower light and then either ‘step up’ or ‘step down’ the colors in that chunk. here’s what I mean.

Here’s our ball with a beam of light on it. Everything Within the beam of light is one step in our limited palette lighter than anything outside of it. Here’s how I go about doing this: the shape of the beam of light is below everything else. Then, once I have the shape blocked out, i select it. With that selection in place, i go to EVERY SINGLE LAYER that’s effected, lock the opacity, and recolor that chunk. So what’s going on here is that there is only one more layer - the beam of light, below everything but the background, and the rest of this effect is just caused by every layer above it now being two-toned following the exact same silhouette. THIS is why it’s so important to keep your layers separate - if the shadow and highlight had been painted onto the base directly, i would not be able to do this without significant effort. 

This works with all of the finishing techniques I talked about above

A combination of cel shading and half toning, all stepped up to give the appearance of heavier light on one area.This is also how I go about rendering transparency in this style. All of my layers are fully opaque and I allow the colors to do the work of conveying transparent material

Here’s our ball with the patterned/textured brush  shading, being viewed partially through a window

it’s obviously not a very representational way of working, but as long as your audience UNDERSTANDS what you’re trying to convey, then you’re executing it successfully.

So with that, now we’re gonna go and finish this drawing.

For this one, I decide a big central shadow is necessary. In the original thumbnail, he was backlit, which I still plan on doing, and that wouldn’t make sense without casting a shadow.

I’ve had to change the colors of some objects entirely in order to get this to work right. This is what I mean when I call this an intuitive process - some stuff felt weird, so I changed it. This also involves a bit of problem solving. The newspaper is now unable to be separated from his hand. Sometimes changing the color of an object makes that object look better, but ruins its relationship with the objects around it. It’s up to you to learn how to adjust and finagle things until you get it where you want.The paper he has and the napkin underneath it also all blend together now.

The next few parts of this process are REALLY just trial and error, where I toss a bunch of spaghetti at it until it works. It’s hard to decide what to screenshot, because I don’t know what will or will not be part of the finished drawing. To that end, you can watch the recording of this drawing here. This video isn’t edited at all so it contains a couple of minutes of really shitty sketching, and then all of the color thumbnailing work i did in the last post. Actually getting started on these final colors begins around the two minute mark. It is also sideways, I am sorry I don’t know why. 

Now, here you can see where I’ve more or less worked things out. His hand’s not on the cup anymore because my friend pointed out it didnt have an arm attached to it. I added some halftoning to make a gradiating effect in the sky and on the table to give the impression of a sunrise. His eyes are different but as of posting this, I don’t like them and am probably about to go back and change them again. The Cup now has a shadow and some rim lighting. His hand is in shadow. The stain on the napkin is big enough to define the edge of the paper on top of it.

Little things like that. 

The more you draw like this the more the way you need to think about your space becomes natural. I hope this helps and I wish you all the best of luck!

(answer only if ur comfy with answering) i’m pretty sure 3/4 of the boys (em, kells, rook, and pete) prolly self harmed, i mean the fuckers are covered in tats, i won’t be surprised if the “it looks cool” is just an excuse. how would their s/o react to the scars?

Pete:

Pete talked alot about his self harm in his interview early on this year with Charlamagne. I highly recommend anyone who likes Pete, doesnt like pete, or just wants to know who the fuck he is watches is. Its an hour long but I literally sobbed while watching it because its just so heartbreaking some of the stuff hes gone through and how deeply I can relate to alot of his struggles.

Fuck it imma link it.

But anyway. He's said he used tattooing for a while as a less destructive form of self harm because the pain from getting them done worked the same way cutting did for him. Also he had them done to cover up some of his self harm scars because he used to cut his own chest. Pete's always been very open about this kind of stuff. Especially so in the interview where he goes into a lot of explicit detail so if thats potentially triggering I would have to also recommend AGAINST watching it unfortunately.

But as for how his SO would react?

Rook would already know ahead of time about Pete's past and current self harm habits. In interviews Pete talks alot about how he "warns" his partners when they first get together about how he's "crazy" and regularly will need to take "vacations" to the mental hospital to get a handle back on things when his meds need readjusted or his mental health gets to be too much of a struggle to handle on his own with his outpatient therapy. So, by the time they're actively dating, in a serious relationship Rook would already probably have figured out what days are going to be bad ones for Pete and what he can do to help.

Like noticing Pete looking more disheveled on their facetime calls, or his jokes leaning a bit too far on the scale of self deprication. They can't always be together because of their careers and living situations (at least not until they move in together) but Rook would drop some of their usual teasing banter for the day and instead fill their conversations and calls with reassurances and check ins on what Pete might need. The most important thing for him would be making sure Pete knows he loves him and that he's not going anywhere just because Petes having a low day and acte snappy or distant.

Rook doesn't notice Pete's scars most of the time. Not unless he looks closely for them and, except during the dim quiet nights where they're laying together and his fingers are tracing the random explosion of art lining Pete's chest the drummer actually forgets they exist at all. When they first met it was hard for him to even imagine cheery, sweet always giggling Pete in such a dark space that he would do things like that but, once the proof is infront of his eyes it's hard for Rook not to feel his heart ache even before he's fallen completely in love with the man. Rarely he will find his fingers catching on a feather thin line on Pete's skin, and when they do the kiss that follows is not out of pity but one of acceptance. Pete's perfect. Even with all of his sharp edges and missing pieces. That's just more space for Rook to fit himself into to act as support.

Kells:

Kells has said similar too, I think I remember an interview with him saying he also got tatts to cover up some self harm scars (also to fight some of his body dysphoria. Which actually got heightened really badly when he had to wear all that makeup for the dirt and see himself truly 'naked' again.) Cutting himself, including on the chest like Pete has mentioned. He also drinks and does drugs to self harm and numb the pain.

The majority of his scars are hidden away by his colorful tats. The few Em discovers are like Rook, through accident. The pads of his fingers catching on a slightly different texture or a close examination of some of the blonde's artwork. Kells is less vocal than Pete. If Em presses, depending on the day he might give a detailed account for each gash or on a less comfortable night he might change the subject with a "i dunno, probably happened when i was drunk/high/a kid"

Em does his best to respect Kelly's comfort but the few scars he finds uncovered down around the blondes ankle become a favorite spot of his to hold and stroke whenever available. Theres just something about them. Maybe the strong need to "protect" that rushes through him when he touches them or it could be the almost possessive idea that while the world may know every tiny piece of art that litters his boyfriends flesh, this small patch is his and his alone to see. Like a secret held between the two of them.

Em:

Em's obviously talked about his own self harm in the past. His "slit me" wrist tattoo an unashamed statement to it. Even after he got sober and stopped doing the "usual methods" like cutting, drinking excessively, and nearly overdosing, he did struggle with starving himself or abusing his body by over exercising instead. Like Em tore his hip flexors after getting sober because of it. I'd hope that nowadays he's got a better handle on things but it wouldn't be shocking if he still struggled from time to time.

So, Kell's being a huge stan of his. Even before the beef is guaranteed to know about it. He looked up to Em and compared the similarities of their lives for years.

That doesn't make it any less jarring when they get together and he stumbles upon the scars though.

The faint faded lines across Em's wrists he expects. Even the almost undetectable jagged line along the older rapper's scalp from his childhood bully is something he knows enough about to immediately place. But the paler crossing lines he spots one day between Em's thighs are what make them all feel "real" and less like some tiny little trivia fact he read in a magazine, heard in an interview, a song. Them and Em's quiet almost reluctant admission of their placement being the only true "private" space he thought he could use crushing the final leg on the unreachable pedestal a younger Kells had placed the man up on. Allowing him to actually see Em. To fall in love with him.

From that moment on Kells hands find themselves glued there every time they go to sleep. It doesn't matter the position. Big spoon or little spoon he will twist his wrist or arm to curl one hand around the soft flesh of Em's inner thigh. Just to feel them against his palm or to sleepily stroke with his thumb.

Sure, it might be a little like how his knowledge of them tickles that posessive side he and Em both share. But, it's actually mostly just because Kelly finds them beautiful. Scars have always been attractive to him and every bitter huff or dismissal of how they're ugly or childish from Em just makes him want to kiss and stroke them more.

Rook:

I unfortunately don't know much about Rook's history with self harm. Its reasonable to assume he shares the same "drown your sorrows" habits kells and Pete have/did. And from what I've seen and learned about him through his lives and just following his social media I couldnt speculate one way or another.

Regardless any kind of scars Pete might discover on Rook would be treated with care. Lots of soft fluttered kisses and gentle brushes of fingers.

Pete wouldn't pry. Current Rook and the risk of any future scars are far more important to him. If Rook wants to share or talk about them he's of course eager to be there for him to listen and support. And even though he knows the struggle with mental health and jow unavoidable some heartache and pains may be that doesn't stop him from feeling any less grief over not meeting Rook sooner to prevent the drummer from experiencing some of it.

And ahh its almost 1:30 am anon 🥺🥺 sorry I got a little carried away with this ask. I hope it's close to the type of answer you wanted but I'm gonna cut it here because I'm hitting a wall.

i. love. ship. playlists.

so, i know for a FACT that im not the only one that uses songs to picture scenarios with a pairing i really love. like, sometimes im so set on the idea of a ship that i have to rewrite the entire show in my brain, rework it so that they end up together logically. songs are always so good to visualise too. harringrove is the BEST for this, because the show itself uses scenes set to 80s music all the time. 

anywho, this is a really longwided way of saying hey heres my harringrove playlist enjoy :)

this song has always been made for a scene where tension has to slowly build.

so, instead of the scene with billy and neil happening at the end of the season when theres much more world-end-y  things to deal with, it happens earlier. 

the  scene happens, billy goes to find max and ends up finding steve and the kids in that junkyard. 

“am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

(really rushed) “yeah its me dont cream your pants what the FUCK are you doing here hargrove you have to leave right now”

billy won’t shut the fuck up so steve has to cover his mouth and try to push him into the bus. then we hear a demidog, steve gives up on billy and gets ready to fight, quietly hands billy a broken pole or something just in case. 

the song starts from 0:00 right when billy sees the demidog, the camera pans in on his face, just so confused and scared, processing what hes seeing. then he joins the fight, he and steve back to back protecting the kids. this leads to billy being part of the gang, at least in some respects. hes strong as fuck and now they have to fill him in on the circumstances now so hes around more often to help. he wants to protect max, but also be near/protect steve. 

so ! during subsequent fights/situations, billy and steve get a little closer, damn they’re not in love but hey they’re getting more comfortable and theres deeeefinitely some mutal attraction, the energy from those shower and basketball scenes hasn’t gone away. if steves the mother figure billys the dad. 

on the “i need a hero” (BAM) part that leads into the chorus, billy saves steve with some kind of big action you know? RIGHT on the beat i swear i get chills every time i picture it to this song. like he pushes something off of him or pull him out of the way really suddenly after running reaaaallly fast to get to him. right after it cuts to steve looking all suprised and impressed while billy keeps fighting. 

same applies to the part that goes “watched out here i COME” in the second song, except its steve saving billy. 

since two thousand and fucking 17 ive seen this song as billys image of steve. it always sounded like his thoughts about him. 

this is one of the first moments billy realises he might really REALLY like steve. hes not just horny he might actually love this moron. at around 2:07 when all the instrumental goes away and its mainly the drums, thats when it happens. 

hes picking steve up from somewhere. theyve been spending more time together as buddies. he apologised for being a dick, theyve had some more serious conversations. hes taking him to hang out with the kids, maybe he just needed a ride home from school or work. anyway, its golden hour. hes waiting to see him and hes weirdly nervous, more than he ever was waiting to pick up a date with one of the hawkins girls.

and then he sees steve walk out onto the street, or come around the corner.

his heart STOPS. steve just looks so beautiful. the light hitting his hair. he smiles at someone he knows as the walk by. billys just HIT with hoe much he loves this stupid moron and his stupid fucking smile.

steves looking around for the car and looks so. happy. when he sees billy, billy smiles back. its been a while since hes smiled that genuinely. 

billy really really part of gang now. this might be sometime after the final events of season 2 i think?? billys saved them all, had a lot of experiences, hes built up some trust with the group and it feels normal that hes there. hes part of the family, and thats what this songs about. 

it night time, theyre at steves house, all the kids, nancy, jonathen, etc. some are swimming, everyones dancing, things feel a little more okay. 

at around 1:54, (again im a sucker for stripping away most of the instrumental and relying on a few key sounds, including loud drums) billy looks around. he has for one of the first times in a while this sense of FAMILY and ACCEPTANCE and SAFETY.

theres all these shots of everyone having fun, like 2 or 3 cuts, then to steve. just standing there laughing, hairs all wet from the pool, towel around his shoulders. he looks over, catches billys eye, gives him a smile, it feels like he knows what hes thinking, and he feels the same way. 

same night, during the part build up that starts at around 2:53, everyones trying to get billy to dance, hes been smoking on one of the pool chairs, not antisocial just not dancing. not his thing. plus he doesnt want to look like an idiot infront of steve. anyway. 

one of the kids starts it, starts gesturing for him to get up, pointedly singing the lyrics, the rest join in unti theyre all singing and chanting for him to join, all while the song builds and builds. finally steve joins in. maintains eye contact. thats enough for billy. he just keeps his eyes on steve as he stands up. its more like theyre dancing together, less like the kids are there. right at the end of that bridge he just lets go. takes of his jacket and dances around with everyone. he doesnt look stupid either. he looks good. and steve notices 

this is a small one, i dont even have a story to it. all i know is that comparisons between the scene that accompanies this song in top gun and the basket ball scene in st2 have been made, and itd be a super fun, corny scene :)

starts at the very begining. this song has ALWAYS felt so magical and me. i get chills every god damn time i hear the intro. i want their first kiss to be to the intro. 

its after the last fight of season three. someone else was flayed, someone we dont love. obviously billy survives. in FACT, he was along for the ride with robin and steve, all the shenanigens with the russians, billy was tied up and drugged too. BOTH he and robin admit their sexualities. 

billy still sacrafices himself to save the kids from the monster, he says something cute like “see ya round pretty boy” or some corny shit like that before he goes to run and save el, theres a moment when steve knows what hes about to do, theyre staring at eachother and theeeerse the electricity steve knows so much about. theyre really about to kiss, staring at eachothers mouths, but the monster makes a noise and billy knows its now or never, so he runs off. 

steve tries to save him but gets nocked out. he goes unconcious thinking billys going to or is already dead. 

it cuts to the end scene when theyre all in the car park. steves got an icepack to his face, hes obviously been sobbing. 

but he heres a voice. 

(clearly overjoyed and kind of smug) “am i dreaming or is that you harrington”

he looks up. its billy. we get a nice long run-jump-hug. steves in billys arms before he can even finish his sentence:

(nearly crying but SO excited) “yeah its me dont cream your pa-”

NOW. OKAY SO. i love love love they idea of billy steve and robin going home with murray, or at least showing up at his place. maybe billy cant stand the thought of going home, hell maybe neil was the one that got flayed and died idk. anyway.

nancy and jonathen are like, we know a place if people dont want to go home, and they go murrays place. when they show up at the door murray KNOWS. hes like “ffs two more people who have repressed feelings for eachother what am i a therapist. but he lets them in and they have a similar conversation that murray had with nancy and jonathen/joyce and hopper. poking fun at how much they like eachother etc. 

billy and steve have a really intimate talk. not sexaul intimate, just really open. theyre both so tiered, steve thought billy was dead, billy had to say goodbye to steve, who he KNOWS hes in love with by now, thinking he was about to die. they both KNOW how the feel about eachother now, but they havent said it explicitly. just lots of “i really thought id lost you”, “your my best friend”, “i cant believe youd do that for me” etc etc. 

they decide to go to bed, billy walks steve to his room, the one nancy stayed in when she and jonathen got together, theyre standing at the door. just staring at eachother like they were during that fight sequence. the energies back. billy really thinks he might go for it, but decides he doesnt want to ruin things if steve doesnt really feel the same way. he doesnt even know if he likes guys yet. so he just says “night steve” (steve, get it, not harrington, cause theyre close now and he loves him and those defensive barriers are down ahhhh). 

just as he turns to leave, steve does this:

this exact thing. he grabs billys arm, leans down and kisses him. he thought he lost his chance once, he nearly died like a million times in the past 48 hours. he cant stop himself. 

RIGHT HERE is when the intro to jump kicks in. FUck that synth, the rumbling note that runs through the whole thing. time. stops. its perfect. billys wanted this for so long, so has steve but in the grand tradition of fanfiction he didnt know it until he nearly lost billy for good. 

their arms are all over eachother, just as the rest of the instruments come in, at like 0:15, they both smile into the kiss and shut the door behind them, and it cuts away :). 

theyre finally together!!! theyre in the happy, honeymoon stage of realtionship. god theyre just fucking every. chance. they. get. i think this is a new season. it’s a montage of them hooking up all over hawkins. 

in the back of the video store, robin covering for them. in the car, outside school, steves house. someone walks in and billy has to hang out of the window. he makes a noise and steves like “thats probably just a bird or something” and billy MAKES A BIRD NOISE TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY. 

when steve helps him back inside he just stares a him with that “youre a moron but your my moron now” face. “~mimics the sound billy made~ really?” and then billy just laughs and goes back to hooking up with him. 

theyre just HAPPY. theyre comfortble, theyre stupid idiots whod die for eachother and horny as fuck allllll the time, like young guys are. i just want a really lighthearted, NOT INNOCENT, but lighthearted tone to a whole montage of them just being happy and stupid together. 

aaaaand we’re bassically at the end of the storyline i have for them based on music. these three i just like the thought of. i want steve do dance super shamelessly in his bedroom in a towel, not in a sexy way dont get me wrong he looks DUmb, and billys at his door window just admiring this stupid idiot dancing around. i cant believe im in love with this man this graceless lanky man i had to choose this one. but ill be damned if i wouldnt give my fucken life for him

and finally trust me go listen to any scorpions song its bassicaly a harrington anthem. it all started with rock you like a hurricain for me, i saw steve look at him, i saw billy and listened to the lyrics and just thought theres no god damned way this man is straight whats the bet hes into steve and then BAM same season hes just so obviously flirting with him constantly i-

anyway okay so

this song, like many other scorpion songs is allll about billy and steve in my opion. go have fun. 

PlayerEntity made this gif not me all credit to them i just wanted to include it cause its my favorite edit of them ever. 

and thats all!!! if youre seeing this and you thought it was cool thanks i had fun. i really just wanted to get this shit out of my brain its been up there since i was a fuckn 14 year old, now im 18 lol. 

i love these men more than myself and sometimes i forget that theyre not acutally together in show cause i live so completely through fanfiction and the sequence of events you just read. 

fuck why am i signing out like you just watched a youtube video or something i should just post this okay by now xxxxx

Okay so basically... lets talk.

I should've seen this coming. I should've known that after such a long period of happiness, something would give.

I went to pick up my glasses from the dinner table today, because that's where I left them. When I put them on... they wouldnt stay on. I checked and they were missing the two plastic parts that hold the glasses up and still on my nose.

I check the table for them, and I dont find them. Then I ask, like hey, did any of yall touch my glasses? Both the plastic things are missing. My dad IMMEDIATELY assumes that I took them off ON PURPOSE. For some reason. And I tell him no, i didnt touch them, all I remember is picking them up from the table and seeing the plastic bits missing.

Then I spend like an hour telling them no, I didnt break my own glasses, I FOUND them that way. And my dad is like mocking me, going "u always say 'I didnt do it!!!' Like you never do anything huh? I guess you're just perfect." And I'm like... BUT I ACTUALY DIDNT DO IT!!!!???!? and hes like "you never take responsibility for anything, blah blah, you're so fucking stupid, you act like a four year old, stop fucking crying, how dare you ask us if we know what happened, why are you trying to blame us, you obviously did it on purpose and now you're acting all surprised.." and I'm just sitting there. Taking it. Thinking to myself... wow. They automatically assumed the worst in me. And THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS OFTEN!!! I get blamed for shit I didnt do all the fuckign time.

So I'm just. Crying. Because theres a certain amount of verbal abuse i can take and it's not very much. I'm being interrogated. And its distressing, because I cant PROVE that I didnt do it on.purpose, because i GENUINELY DONT REMEBER WHAT HAPPENED!!! so they just get to assume that i broke my own glasses.

Why would my dad jump to that conclusion so quickly? Simple answer: he literally hates me. He holds back, I know, but hes done this before and he'll do it again, hes shown and said what he REALLY THINKS and he'll say it again and do it again and again and again because his mask is slipping. I dont know what I did to make him hate me but he does. That's just how it is. I can't change that. Man, my parents behave like children.

Anwyays so I'm just very upset, in distress, crying really hard, trying not to say too much so I dont make them angrier but also always telling the truth, which is that I DIDN'T DO IT AND I DONT REMEBER ANYTHING HAPPENEING TO THE GLASSES!!

He asks me, who did it then? I say I dont know but it wasnt me. He said who then, if not you. I said I dont know. He didnt believe me!!!

I hate when I tell the truth and people dont believe it. Like... this is the truth. I have nothing more to offer you. Take what little I give, cos it's my fucking blood.

Anyways in the meantime my mom is checking, looking for the plastic bits. She finds them in my coat pocket.

I am proven innocent. At what cost? Well, now I'm shaking, curled up into a ball, crying, and in actual pain. My brain cant handle so much pain so it transfers it to physical pain. So there I am. A fucking kid. Who's been punished for somehting he didn't do. And theres the proof.

My dad fixed the glasses. Left me there on the couch, still trembling. Gave them to me in a case. Said I gotta be careful. I said thank you. Because, even if I'm upset, I gotta make sure other people dont get upset. He said sorry, but he said it in this huffy way that made it sound reluctant. Then he was like, I said sorry so stop crying.

He wanted a kiss on the cheek and I was gonna give him one because I dont want to seem like a dickhead, he DID apologize... and if you dont accept my dads apologies and move on and pretend that the word "sorry" fixes everything, he gets even more angry and i REALLY dont want to deal with him guilt ripping me over it. So I lean in for a little kiss and... I cant. I cant do it. My face crinkles up all ugly and I start crying hysterically every time I get close. I try a few times but I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of like... oh god. I felt so hurt. Like a scared little rabbit. Oh shit, I was fucking scared. I couldnt do it. It made me feel disgusted.

I said, later I'll do it.

I dont know why he thinks he can hurt me so bad and make me cry, then give some shitty apology and expect me to change my mood entirely and go back to being all happy. That's not how it works. If you hurt someone, they stay hurt. Your shitty little word, "sorry", doesnt make me feel any better and doesnt fix any of the damage.... but I have to pretend like it does because if I dont you get mad, and you say I'm mean for not accepting the apology,,,

Later on, he did come for a kiss again. I was in my room, pretending to be busy so he would ignore me but he didnt. This time, I didnt kiss him but I allowed him to kiss me. I just... I couldnt kiss him. I was holding back tears, and i knew if i tried to kiss him i would start crying all over again and make him upset or angry. So I just sorta... let him kiss me on my forehead. Then I went to the bathroom fast as I could, acting like I had to brush my teeth.

I locked the door, sank to my knees, and cried. Hard.

I just wish that I had a dad who loved me, or who knew how to love me... or who I knew loved me, a dad who knew what he was doing, so I didnt have to debate if he loved me or not in my head.

God. I feel so small. Like I literally feel like a little kid right now. Fucking hell. Looks like tonight I'll be indulging in my delusions, playing pretend.

It's sad that my parents fuck me up, but its sadder that afterwards I dont have anyone to comfort me and help heal me.... only myself and whoever I bring to life in my imagination.

Sometimes when I get overly upset, when I'm pushed to the edge like this, I begin to feel... a lot younger? Like shockingly younger. I'm not even the same dude anymore, I'm a fucking five year old all of a sudden. Which makes the situation even more scary and painful.

Just imagine like, a hurt scared little kid with no one to help him. He's tryna pick himself off the ground and hes telling himself "shhhhh... it'll be okay" that's me. That's literally me and it makes me feel so fucking BAD but its true.

I've been breaking down. Earlier in the day I had trouble on a quiz because I didn't know the definition of a word in a poem and I couldnt answer the question (does character A like character B?) And when I asked they said they couldnt tell me which was bullshit but whatever. Uhm so I got upset. Like, scarily upset. I gave up, wrote that i didnt want to do the question on the paper, guessed at half the answers, crumpled it up and threw it to the ground. Then I just... spaced out for the rest of class because I was STILL upset and fuck them.

At one point I left to go cry in the bathroom, but when i went in there, all the stalls were taken and there was a huge group of guys in there, like maybe ten people in there total, so I ran back out and was like fuck now what. Now I wait. I waited and nobody came out. I double checked and they were sitll there and I ran out again. I dashed to another bathroom down the hall hoping it was empty. I was blasting metal in my ears to try and drown out the FEELINGS, I hate feeling things. Got into a stall, slammed the door, started CRYING, sobbing, talking to myself, all of this with metal music blaring out of my headphones. I composed myself. When I went out of the stall I checked my eyeliner and it was... well, you could TELL I cried. I didnt bother with it tho, i just ran out of there.

Ugh and when I got back I kept doing the stim that usually evolves into literally hitting myself, so that was. Bad. At least this time I refrained from beating the shit outta my own left arm.

God.. I hope everyone who hurts me, everyone who ever fucking hurt me, feels GUILTY as all hell. I hope whatever being made me FEEL all these emotions so hard so strong so fast, ROTS. because nobody deserves to feel so intensely upset that they resort to the worst ways of coping. No one.

I'm just glad I didnt relapse. That's a positive.

on kurapikas view of himself and his relations with leorio and prince woble (again)

this is a continuation of/add on to this post i made! you dont have to read it to understand this but i would really appreciate it if you did! also, shoutout to mags @senritsus again for helping me with this, again! <3

im gonna be talking about kurapikas very negative of himself, the importance of leorio to his arc (again, i know) and ill go more in depth about the importance of prince woble, since i forgot some important parts in my original post!

1. Kurapikas Selfloathing

Kurapika seems to truly believe, that the people around him dont, or shouldnt care about him.  Right now he sees his quest for revenge as his only reason to live, though that might be slowly changing (hopefully).

Here, he refers to his journy finally beginning, the journey he wanted to take way back when he first left, but his clan was murdered only six weeks after he left and after that his only reason for traveling was his quest for revenge.

It was the purpose he had give himself and now hes scared of where he should go, when that purpose is fulfilled.

He genuinely doesnt seem to be able to fathom, that anyone could truly care about him

Heres Mizai, directly telling him, that Leorio cares about him, “values him highly” to which Kurapika responds “I wonder about that. To be honest i really dont think my ability will be of much help within the dark continent.”

Kurapika measures his worth to others, especially Leorio here, through his ability to fight.

He wonders if Leorio values him. He doesnt know, hes unsure, after Leorio has tried to call him for over a year, Kurapika thinks that the only thing Leorio could possibly value about him, is his ability to fight.

He thinks thats the reason, that Leorio suggested him for a position in the Zodiacs.

Kurapika thinks his only reason to live his is revenge and as such sees no worth for himself as a person.

He really doesnt see himself as human anymore and just someone, who lives for a revenge, a beast in humans clothing.

The reasons he keeps pushing Leorio away and denying, that Leorio cares about him in any ways is that hes scared to get close to people since he doesnt want to suffer through the pain of losing someone again, hes scared to let people close because he seems himself as bad influence, and he believes he doesnt deserve any care Leorio shows him. Hes still not convinced that Leorio truly cares about him as a Person (see: “I wonder about that”), which brings me to:

2. Kurapikas Relationship With Leorio

Ive said it before and ill say it again. Leorio and Kurapika are absolutely crucial to the others development. I have made a post about this but it wasnt very thought out and really mostly just me, being very very mad at three am, so ill talk about it properly now.

2.1 Thematic Connection Through The Narrative

Back when Kurapika first left his village, he left to explore, to have fun (as instructed by Pairo), and to find a doctor. Leorio wants to be a doctor. Togashi easily couldve made Kurapika leave for just those reasons or for any other reasons. Leorio couldve wanted to be anything else but both of them want to find/want to be a doctor and i do believe that has a lot of significance.

I think this is the exact moment, Kurapika came to truly appreciate Leorio, after seeing how he is actually dedicated to helping others and after finding out that he wants to be a doctor. And, maybe not so coincidentally, Kurapika also seems to be at his best during the first arc, even laughing. The only other time he laughs is way after the hunter exam arc, when Gon and Killua have their food fight, but thats it.

Though, this has a lot to do with Kurapika being around Children, who seem to calm him down (possibly because they remind him of pairo) Ive actually kind of talked about that too! The thematic connection continues with the fact, that both had a friend die.

This adds on to the moment, where they actually truly became friends. Kurapika realizes that Leorio has experienced loss too and they connect through that fact on a personal and thematic level. Also, during this arc, when Killua and Gon are constantly paired up, so are Kurapika and Leorio but thats probably just so the four protagonists could all stay in their little group.

And of course, The Zodiac Connection. Their appearances are obviously similar:

And Pariston seems to have some features from Leorio too, same with Ging and Kurapika They seem to be foils of eachother in a way, more obviously with Ging and Leorio with the whole caring about Gon thing. Ging and Paristons Relationship mirrors the Relationship Leorio and Kurapika had at the very beginning, before the Hunter exam started, though theirs was more lighthearted because they were still teens while Ging and Pariston are fully grown adults. Pariston and Kurapika also both seem to have two sides to their personality, that they dont always show, Kurapikas being his happier side that was mostly showing during the hunter exam when he had a strong support system and Paristons being his sinister one thats very unlike the cheery public persona he puts on, mirroring Kurapika once again. Right now, in the manga, Ging and Pariston are working together, while Kurapika and Leorio are apart and Paristons and Gings teaming up also happend, while Kurapika went to join the Zodiacs, reuniting with Leorio. Since Ging and Pariston are so important to the others arc right now, I think Leorio will definitely come into play sometime this arc.

Also, a sidenote: This arc seems to be shaping up to be the chimera ant arc equivalent for Kurapika and hopefully Leorio too, since it comes almost directly after it, does not involve Killua and Gon at all (just like the chimera ant arc had no Leorio and Kurapika), involves the dark continent in a way (just like the chimera ant arc, since that is where they came from) and has Killua and Gon seperated, like Leorio and Kurapika where during the chimera ant arc.

Killua and Gon begun the chimera ant arc together and ended it with their Seperation. Leorio and Kurapika begun this arc seperately (with a short reunion) and maybe they will end it with being together, but this is mostly just me hoping.

(And this time its Mizai dealing with all of their teen angst.)

2.2 Personal Connection, Their Relationship

I really have seen barely any meta on their relationship which i think is a crime because its really so good and interesting, so, here i go!

Kurapikas and Leorios Friendship starts out very rocky, obviously. They butt heads when they first meet and have a lot of petty arguments well after that but as their bond strenghtens those lessen.

At the beginning of the hunter exam arc, they were pretty much at eachothers throats, then they learn about eachothers real motivations, spend more time together and begin to value eachother more.

here are some moments where leorio helps kurapika loosen up

and here are some where its obvious that kurapika does think highly of leorio and sees him as his equal.

Selflessness seems to be a trait Kurapika admires. When it first became obvious that Leorio actually wanted the money to help people, their relationship immediately improved.

As shown above, by the time they reach the island stage, Kurapika trusts Leorio enough to want to team up with him.

And the appreciation is definitely mutual. Leorio sees Kurapika as his friends and he values all of his friends highly. Also, Kurapika appears to help him be more rational > stopping him from attacking that old woman > trying to calm him during arguments

(Not when Illumi was threatening Gon and Killua though but thats very understandable.)

Then, during the yorknew arc, Leorio starts their tradition of calling and not picking up and later insists on helping him, and tries to calm him, multiple times, eventually succeeding (kind of).

Later, when Kurapika comes down with his fever, Leorio is right there, taking care of him. It shows how much he worries for and cares about Kurapika and how he really doesnt want to lose another friend.

Heres him telling Melody to take care of Kurapika, knowing that she will be at his side as a colleague.

Then, way way later when they finally reunite, after Leorios been trying to call for so long and Kurapikas been climbing the mafia ranks and pushing everyone away, they still care so much about eachother.

Kurapika feels better with Leorio around and hes thankful for him but still believes that he doesnt deserve any care. And its obvious to everyone, except Kurapika apparently, that Leorio cares, so much.

Leorio also feels better with Kurapika around, someone he knows and trusts. And they do know eachother well. Kurapika notes, that he isnt even “the shy or socially anxious type” , which either implies that this is a very stressful situation for Leorio, or, that Leorio is just using being “uncomfortable” as an excuse to see Kurapika. Though it really is more likely that its the first one, im just throwing this out here.

Then of course, theres this, which ill never shut up about:

Its Kurapikas Mentor, telling him, that hes gonna need allies he genuinely cares about to progress forward, to which Kurapika thinks that he was right since progressing forward like this wasnt that simple, but his solution to that seems to be wanting to get even stronger, he doesnt want to endanger anyone, he doesnt want to care about people, but its not that simple in reality, cue: pictures of Gon, Killua, Leorio and Prince Woble, the four people he canonically cares most about. Since this is the section about Leorio, ill go more in depth about his panel here and later, ill talk about Prince Woble.

Hes thinking about moments where they made him happy/made him care about them, Gon and Killua with their food fight in the park where they cheered him up and Leorio on the phone. Its him calling to check up on Kurapika. Kurapika really did appreciate it so much, even if he doesnt show it, even if he keeps pushing Leorio away. And he does care about them, even if he doesnt want to! The way Leorio expresses care for his friends, which is very vocal and direct, is so good for Kurapika because even if he still cant really believe or accept it, its still something he appreciates, somehow. I am not (!) saying that they will definitely end up with eachother but they are definitely incredibly important to the others character development and i dont think Togashi will forget about that. Now, for my last point.

3. Kurapikas Relations With Prince Woble

Prince Woble is so, so important to Kurapika, this isnt news and Kurapika holds an incredible amount of empathy for little kids, seen in his interactions with Gon and Killua too and now with Prince Woble.

He really is very dedicated to protecting Prince Woble in this arc, prepared to full on die for her. To directly quote my other meta post about this,

“Kurapikas arc appears to very much be about him finding the human connection, that he lost when his clan was killed, again, effectively making this found family story a Big Deal thematically. Him finding a new purpose in life through taking care of Woble would be, in my opinion, a thematically satisfying ending for Kurapikas arc, since its been said by many in-story characters that his search for revenge will only destroy him in the end”

Though, the important part, that i neglected in my first post since i cant read, is, that when Kurapika thinks about the people he cares about, he also thinks about her.

I really, really hope that this is some kind of foreshadowing of him actually taking care of Prince Woble in the future. It would be the perfect way for Kurapika to find new purpose in life and for him to become human again, in his eyes. Also, i am a little worried about the dark aura that Kurapika senses from her sometimes, but i really dont know what to make of that as of now.

Anyways, you did it! thank you so so much for reading i really appreciate it! If you have anymore thoughts please come send me an ask or something im always open for discussion! always!!

fredsythe vietnam au thoughts?

and by vietnam au i mean something along the lines of they are bunker buddies not one of them being stuck in ugly ass riverdale

BOY DO I HAVE A FIC FOR YOU

but i think we also need to consider the au where they MEET in vietnam. cuz thats… also sexy…

like i dont know… theyre still both from riverdale but theyve never crossed paths because their sides of town are a lot more segregated than they are in the present timeline, and maybe theyre both drafted but fps not entirely mad about it because its not like he was leaving anything special behind back at home. any excuse to get away from his old man…

but freds fucking torn up about it. he’s got a family. people who’ll miss. people who will miss him… not to mention he’s against this whole goddamn war to begin with. and he’s not made for combat. any of it. he doesnt have the stomach for it nor does he know how to fight.

so he and fp share living quarters. thats how they get acquainted with each other. they dont exactly hit it off at first. fred kinda annoys fp tbh but theres not a whole lot he can do. 

they dont really talk at first. fp doesnt have a lot to say to begin with and he especially doesnt want to get into his home life when freds going on about his mom and dad and brother back at home, all his friends, all the girls and dates he’s missing out on. its just… a lot.

but then one day fps had enough of freds clumsy ass not knowing how to handle the weapons properly and he’s on a serious learning curve, he’s just not picking it up as quickly as the rest of the guys so fp drags him out one day to show him some shit. he says its because he doesnt want fred accidentally killing one of their guys or “if you end up killing yourself its gonna be a problem for everybody” but like… lowkey freds been growing on him. and fps not lying about his excuses but… maybe he’s also just trying to spend some time with the guy in his own weird way.

and thus a friendship is sparked. slowly but surely they start spending more time together outside of fp training fred and they start actually having conversations on their downtime. and its a nice distraction. fp thinks fred is a total square but its kind of endearing. maybe even cute. 

they start leaning on each other more and more. their conversations get deeper. fp actually opens up to fred which shocks the hell out of both of them.

and maybe one day its just the two of them, sent out to get water or food wait for supplies, i dont know, but the lights hitting fred just right an he’s laughing at some joke fp just told, and fps realizing freds the first person in a really fucking long time that actually makes him feel warm, in the middle of a fucking war, no less, and he thinks maybe that means something, and maybe fred feels it too, so he leans in and kisses fred real soft. he thinks he should be scared but he also realizes he could die at any minute anyway so who really cares if he completely misread the situation and fred ends up pummeling him to death. he doesnt really have a lot to lose here.

freds obviously stunned but only because it was so unexpected, not because he didnt want it. so when fp pulls back fred just kinda stares at him for a second before blushing and looking down and theres a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth and just as he goes to kiss fp back theyre interrupted so there goes that plan.

but then they become a thing. all in secret, obviously. but they sneak whatever touches they can and it makes their days a little more bearable

until… ya know… obviously one of them has to get seriously fucking injured in the middle of battle. like… life or death shit. and the other ones next to them screaming and yelling at them to hold on and “dont die on me! you cant die on me!” 

and then the injured one wakes up in the army hospital or tent or whatever i dont fucking know how wars work but the point is the other one is right there by their bed, has been the whole time, starts talking about how scared they were and what a fucking close call it was and honestly its like really fucked them up and the other one can sense it and has to tell them not to do anything crazy…

but in the end they both make it back home alive and in one piece, even if they are both shaken up by the shit theyve seen. and for a while they only have each other to lean on because no one else is gonna fucking get it, what theyve been through. fred eventually decides to go to therapy to work on his shit but fp refuses because “i can handle myself, fred. dont need some shrink telling me about my problems”

which of course… just ends up leading fp to hitting the bottle and he becomes even more of a mess and keeps spiraling until it all gets to be too much and he fully hits rock bottom. freds long since left him behind because he just couldnt do it anymore. he had tried and fought so hard to get fp help but he just wouldnt listen and at some point fred had to start putting himself first.

but then ya know fp finally gets some help and starts to clean up his act and years later he’s doing better for himself and he and fred run into each other and start talking again and theyve never stopped being in love with each other but now theyre both in good places and they can actually have a fair shot at things this time and they live happily ever after the end

& i know this is ?? like a month late?? idk but !! someone way back when asked me about my hevie/descendants hcs/thoughts so i’ve decided to make a lil list that i’ll most likely add on to as time goes by and i get more info

first of all, i like to completely disregard the sugar coating that disney put on the entire series. for example, their lives on isle would’ve been grittier and much more cruel than what was depicted in the movies ( and somewhat the books ). i personally see all of their parents as emotionally and mentally Abusive ( bc they definitely are?? and melissa’s account of it def made more sense than .. disney’s igvfdn ).

also i like to imagine them? older? because i just cant personally relate to teens anymore so i see them as like 19 in my mind when im reading fics and the like ( especially since the ones ive read have hevie as sexually active ).

i really and truly dislike mal based both on her actions in the first novel and how she behaved in the films ( a lot of people haven’t read the books, but to sum it up, she spent 3/4 of the first novel tormenting evie first in a petty way and then in two (2) seperate life-threatening ways ). this has left me feeling completely cold towards mal and unable to sympathize with her in her tantrum in d2.

now, though i feel this way about mal, i can completely understand why evie wouldnt. it is literally written that evie brought out the best in people ( “The princess possessed a darling giggle that was so entrancing, it brought a smile to haughty Lady Tremaine’s face [...] The ferocious tiger Shere Kahn was practically purring like a contented kitten. And for old time’s sake, Captain Hook bravely stuck his head between Tick Tock’s open jaws, if only so he could make her laugh and hear that lovely peal again. The princess, it would seem, could make even the most horrible villain smile.” ) even when evie ass KNEW mal was planning something and despised her, she STILL did her best to give her the benefit of the doubt i? ? ? ?  ??  ??? ? ? a tru queen

i didn’t read rise of the isle of the lost so i’m not 110% sure how harry is characterized in the books, but uhh id die for him ..

and i also dont? think he and mal ever had a thing lol .. just bc thomas and dove are dating that doesnt mean they gotta add in an unnecessary plotpoint ( especially considering how it’s canon in both the books and the movies that mal’s never had a boyfriend before ben .. *eyeball emoji* ) so uhh miss me with that

and i know that hevie is? a crackship? so dont come to me with “hevie aint canon” like huney i know but theres also no canon evidence negating the possibility either

ok so on to the actual hevie hcs .. cos i think about them a lot vfjdnokm

she is 10/10 the one who showed him how to do the scary pirate eyeliner thing ok but in my mind it started out much cleaner so it was just yk liner but then after scrubbing at his eyes so much ( thanks, salty ocean air ) it just became easier to leave it messy

the blue bandana he wears under his hat ? evie’s. kinda like how knights used to wear the colors of their wives/betrothed w/e its like a subtle claim and him making a lowkey gesture and im Weak over it tbh

captain hook ? loves her .. not only because she clearly has Some clout on the isle, espcially since apparently her momma and maleficent are friends now ( ?? idk disney makin shit up ) so hes like ((:: well !! but on the other hand .. evie is just a generally good person and she makes harry happy and shes charming and beautiful and genuine?? ya i see him really vouching for her ( especially since i dont really consider captain hook a real? villain? ig? he just wanted revenge on the immortal brat who literally Sliced Off His Hand and Fed it to a Crocodile ??? ) so !! ya

evil queen def dont approve but uhh what she doesnt know wont hurt her ..

i dont see her getting along with uma like she does so much in a lot of the fics, though, mostly because i feel like uma would resent her at least a little for basically being the person mal replaced uma with, so .. also for snatching half of harry’s time ( cant have a first mate who’s more loyal to someone else than his captain ). i also don’t see harry and uma as a couple, mostly because i imagine she’s at least a few years younger than him .. like everyone else felt older than they were in the movies, but uma def gave off 17 y/o vibes to me ( so did carlos but hes a lil baby and i love him )

that said, she’d get along really well with gil tho cos shes so kind and understanding and i dont see her getting so easily annoyed with him like everyone else does. not to mention she was .. sorta? friends with his older brothers in the first book so vinjdkm. quasi sister for that boi

theres a lot less interference between the vks and the pirates than you’d think? mostly because they keep it a secret from drama queen mal ( cos in my mind, carlos and jay prolly know cos i uhh trust them with info like this ) though i feel like itd especially put a strain on her relationship with jay since he dont like harry and he was friends with mal first so ..

a loooot of quiet moments in his cabin on uma’s ship .. just enjoying each other’s company on his hammock, slowly rocking back and forth, her probably playing with his fingers cos damn

just as many arguments tho cos theyre both hot headed and their personalities clash like a motherfucker honestly like ?? a ton of banter and low-blow comments that end in heated silence until evie cracks and apologizes or harry slowly grins and they kiss and make up wow i love my kiddos

10/10 see him climbing a trellis like a better version of romeo like vbifbhcjndm wherefore art thou, harry hook? bgvfnj anyways ya i see it very vividly in my mind, especially when theyre first getting to know each other .. like they have whispered conversations on her crumbling balcony and in her mind shes like “why does he seem so familiar????” and hes like “wow who IS this girl” and its cute and silly and he teases her the whole time and she teases right back wow !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deep ass conversations under the stars about what they’d be doing if they were free to go wherever they want .. him talking about sailing the seas as a captain of his own ship and making a name for himself and she realizes as time passes that princes? dont seem very important to her anymore ?? and the more he talks about how wide and vast the ocean is the more appealing it become for her and she begins wishing he’d take her with him sighs

her initiating their first kiss cos uhh pirate or not hes like .. shes a Princess theres no way theres anything between us .. right ?? but obviously she likes him smh silly boy and she rolls her eyes and is like “when are you gonna kiss me?” and he stares at her for a sec before grinning like the roguish pirate he is and doing just that & its surprisingly gentle and uhh reverent BYE

evie willingly kissing him even tho it smear her perfectly applied lipstick ((:: and as an add on to that, evie letting him turn her into a disheveled mess after a thorough makeout session, hair all tangled, lipstick smeared, clothes wrinkled ihbvfnjdm and she lk loves it cos he clearly thinks shes still drop dead gorgeous without all the theatrics her mom ingrained into her mind that she needed to be beautiful ((:: i live and breathe for the acceptance !! wow !!

the angst .. when she goes to auradon .. wow ...... im actually so hurt by it ???? and i def see harry feeling abandoned sighs rip in peace my happy kiddos say hi to pain and suffering (:

doug ? is not a love interest in my mind .. sorry kid .. ur a good friend tho <3 and evie is in auradon watching mal maybe get her happily ever after and evie’s lowkey bitter abt it but obiously doesnt show it cos uhh shes here to love and support her ugli friend !!

harry being a Broody Mess and it making him seem more malicious and vile than before .. easier to enrage, quicker to react .. yk, harry in the movie !

but at the same time !! hes juggling uma’s i-told-you-so’s and trying to find a way to prove himself to his father and wishing evie hadn’t ever left and it being .. no fun at all for him esp with gil muttering about how he wishes evie were around and making the whole situation Worse smh

at the confrontation ohh god !! not the big one with everyone and the wand but before when they took ben ??? damn his eyes RAKED up and down her trying to assess if she was happier without him or if she felt even a little bit of what he did and getting angry when she gets angry over him taking ben i ??!!

evie sneaking away to confront harry personally over it and them getting into a shouting match and leaving things unresolved and WORSE than they’d been before ughhhhh

then ........ few months later boi gets an invite to come to auradon ... color him Surprised over that .. he almost refuses but he thinks of the ship he’s always wanted and quickly packs up his cabin like a second later

evie  mentally considering taking harry off the list initially but then remembers that its his only gd chance to get away from the damn isle and out on the sea like he always dreamed & knowing she cant take that chance away from him just cos shes scared to see him again

that got away from me and felt more like fanfic plotting ... but uhh harry being the one who taught her to swordfight cos lbr who else couldve ? jay didnt carry one around until auradon and as far as i know evie didn’t have any sort of fencing lessons ( especially since it was a big deal for lonnie to have been on the team ). so !!

he also taught her a handful of other self-defense maneuvers beyond running and potions that never worked correctly on the isle cos uhh its a shady ass place and hes Worried about her

also he 10/10 calls her princess anyone who disagrees is free to do so but theyre wrong

she repairs his coat All The Time cos boy is always in need of patching up smh BUT she sewed her lil heart with a crown on the inside of his coat right next to where it lays over his heart cos uhh she loves him pce

him bringing her pretty seashells and trinkets he got from the salvage ships .. things like faded gold earrings and necklaces when one time he shows up with this tiny little shard of blue seaglass thats worn into the shape of a heart and she immediately makes it a charm for a bracelet & treasure it above all the other things she has lol !

them being 200% supportive of each other in general and loving one another despite the odds against them??? harry literally willing to risk everything for her ?? her honestly getting tired of hiding him and pretending she doesnt like him and one day just blurting it out to mal and bein like “if you dont like it then that’s just too bad for you” and walking out head held high but deep down freaking the FUCK out bihfnjde and harry being So Proud of her and willing to legitimately fight mal if she gives her shit over it bgvihfnj wow i just .. i just love them so much ..

Episode 10 - "I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style" ~Amy

Colin survived omg omg. I went on call with him after tribal council and I smoothed things over with us. So I'm like the only person he's not hating right now. Also I literally told Colin everything. I told him exactly what happened which is so awkward if anyone finds out I tolf him that they all backstabbed him. Also Elle cannot be trusted!! Why would she do this? She's probably working with Colin and at this point I'm ok with voting off Elle. She really backstabbed the entire plan. Also Elle's idol is gone so it would be easy. BUT, we need to rid of the advantages that remain. There's not any time to get off people I don't trust. We need to expose every last idol we can. Also I know Brayden has an idol and I'm working with him but I might have to backstab that guy because if he makes it to final tribal council with an idol that will be big on his resume. Honestly Brayden will be seen as the most popular social player so that will look really good compared to me. So I might have to backstab my best friend before the time runs out. 

Wtf was that tribal. Literally besides Colin, the only person left out of the vote and lied to by my own partner. Just when i thought things were looking up for me in this game, the rug gets pulled from underneath me again. I literally dont feel like i can trust any of them but for the sake of playing nice, I have to pretend that everything is fine and be a fake bitch for a day or two. Ugh 😑

I understand Colin is probably really upset and hurt because he felt personally close with me, but I don’t understand why my reasons for not saving him weren’t valid. When he tried to save Dennis, it rubbed HIMYM the wrong way and I didn’t want to betray 5 people for 1 person the same way he did that because it’s what gave everyone distrust. He said he didn’t tell anyone about HIMYM until after he heard his name, but that’s a lie as Josh and Jay both heard of it by round 8. I said that and then he said “well that’s still one person”. It’s more than one and even then, one person is one person. You gave us a reason to distrust you and that’s why you were targeted. I never told anyone about his SWP because I didn’t want to give him a reason to tell others I’m not trustworthy or for him to target me with. Ultimately, of course I knew Jay wasn’t going to send me out, but there was a real concern that Babs had an idol and that between me and Anastasia, I would go. So yeah, my concerns were indeed valid as it could’ve gone to a point where I go. I really want immunity this round. So bad. But if it’s not me I’ll be ok with my allies having it. But please I want immunity!!! 

[this was earlier, but put it wherever✨] Sooooo so much drama these days, I used to be in an alliance with Jay, Brayden, and Anastasia but they're all in a megasix alliance except Jay is relatively new bc they swapped him out for Colin recently, Jay is completely in Jodi's pocket and RIP honestly bc I was hope our little Corn Tribe (we're both from Ohio lol) would make it far, Colin and I are firmly allies now and we have an alliance with Amy (who is currently Colin's no. 1 ally and I respect that she risked it all for him lol understandable) and are goin to make another one with Josh. Josh and I are allies and I trust him a lot partially bc ppl lied to him almost as much as ppl lied to me and Colin and being at the bottom is a good way to know your allies are true, they have little to gain 😂 oh and Brayden and Anastasia and I are still "allies" and idk Jay hasn't talked to me yet sooooo let's see what happens there!

I accidentally said that Josh was on the bottom out loud when I was answering him for the question who doesnt deserve to be here. Omg I literally ruined our relationship. I am sooo stupid. I literally told him i was sorry and he said K. Ok but he is on the bottom. Obviously he doesn't need me as an ally and that whole side has a plan. Omg Im ready to be blindsided lol. But also maybe dont vote out me. Josh really isnt that forgiving is he? That is crazy to me. I wouldve pretended to forgive at least. Now I feel even more awful because he never said he forgave me. Pain. Anyways I screwed up and now I'm just praying Josh doesn't gun after me now. But I did tell Josh the whole truth and apologized genuinly about the situation. Oh god I hope he doesnt hate me. I dont even want him as a jury vote I just cant take anyone hating me or disliking me. It makes me want to throw up. But I deserve to feel this way since I emberassed him infront of everyone i am so so stupid. Anyways time to plan who to get out. OMG JOSH JUST TEXTWD ME "It's fine Im on the bottom. My feelings dont matter" WHAAATTT OF COURSE HIS FEELINGS MATTWR I CANT BELOEBE IHURT HIS ACTUAL FEELINFA I AM SO STUPID WTF I AM AWFUL I WILL GO APOLOGIZE MORW NOW GOODBYE

it appears either jodi or jared are going tonight, and although they’re my allies, i selfishly don’t care. I’ll still be in the game, so that’s nice i suppose. I love jodi, but she’s paranoid and it’s a whole deal trying to work with her, if she got voted out i could maybe get some sleep every once in awhile. I love her to death, but frankly whatever happens tonight as long as it ain’t me I don’t really care. Hell, even if it is me, then whatever lol, I can get caught up on sleep then. Frankly this is where the game gets ugly, and i’m cool with staying out of the drama. it still sucks that josh hates me though, i genuinely like him, and i feel like he doesn’t want to be my friend beyond the game anymore. To me, i’m going to keep doing me. I’m gonna chill, i’m gonna relax, and i’ll play when i feel like it. My mental health is important, so even if i’m not playing as hard as others, it’s just a game. If i lose, i will not lose any sleep over it. 

DAMN last tribal really killed the vibes in the game. no one wants to talk. everyone is scared of stuff getting leaked or turning on people. BUT ON THE FLIP side that means everyone is flipping on everyone SOMEHOW amy managed to escape unscathed. They have NO idea she's in with us and with them. She's telling us everything. it's actually insane to watch her do it. Truly international superspy behavior.   We have our numbers and they have theirs. They made another majority alliance except they replaced me with Jay. Whatever, expected. its fine. I truly did not talk much to people before the challenge, I just laid back and let Amy gather information for us. The immunity challenge was absolutely crazy good for us. Elle winning immunity is perfect, and the fact they GAVE AMY the other immunity is also amazing, a testament to how much they do trust her. THEN THIS IS WHERE THINGS STARTED GETTING EXCITING so I still have my handy chaos idol. I was thinking about numbers and I came to the realization that we could get Jodi cirie'd out this tribal. Their side is splitting votes on Josh and I, and there's four of us. If we vote the other 4 people in that alliance and then play the chaos idol, it leaves Jodi the only one without a vote and she's automatically out. It was a huge risk but I brought this plan to Josh, Amy, and Elle. because of the touchy subjects it made me truly feel that I could trust my allies right now. I was voted "Who is your closest ally" and I'm almost certain it was those three that put me down. That means I can trust them with this plan. (I hope). Elle, however, brought up the very good point that Jodi might be idoled, it's very obvious for us to go after her. SO we also decided that we should leave no votes on Brayden and then theres a revote between the two. SO TLDR THE PLAN RN: play chaos idol and coordinate votes so there's a revote between Jodi and Brayden. Also we're telling everyone else our plan is to vote Jared, that way it's not too obvious we have shit up our sleeve. there is the prospect of them splitting the vote 3-3 and then we don't even need to use the chaos idol, we just have the numbers. The other option is they put all 6 votes on one person and then we do have to play it. Thats why its so good we have Amy as our inside source telling us everything that's going on with them. so yeah right now we're still playing it by ear. not a lot of people are online and available to we're just waiting to get it all sorted out. Updates soon! uwu

Hahahahaha omfg so after we yeeted out of last tribal and then elle used their idol apparently anastasia and jodi changed their vote to Babs so they still went home and we kept Colin's idol. We jumped back on the tribe call and it was only host Jay and Raffy left lol like we were ready for a tribe fight! But I think it turned out better because I am still getting all the info in the group. Touchy subjects was interesting and almost exposed us bc colin and jodi tied for closest allies lol which I'm sure it was like 3-3-whatever. But she said I'm the group maybe it was like 2-2-1s. So that's a relief. However. Everyone is being really quiet with me and our brayden - jodi - me alliance is silent. I'm concerned they think it is me who's leaking but from what I can tell jodi (and thus anastasia, brayden,jay, and jared automatically) believe it was elle who leaked the plan to vote colin. So idk how but I'm in the clear. I'm just waiting to be found out bc I'd be an easy vote out. BUT I think they believe I'm still with new himym because brayden chose to give me immunity in touchy subjects!! And elle got first out!! So we are both safe and the current plan for Jodi's group is to tell Colin josh and elle they are splitting but they will put all votes on josh so that colin flushes his idol. Except lol it's a chaos idol. And if that's the case colin wants me to vote him ☠️ but it actually keeps him safe so I'll do it. I would just hate for the chaos idol to be fake. I think I know where all remaining advantages are except the idol I think Jared has lol. So for the break down brayden has an idol he believes is real but is fake and he is not telling anyone in the group or jodi or me so as much as I like brayden I can't wait to see him play it and it's fake. Then Colin has Dennis's chaos idol and one more regular idol. I have the merge idol and a steal a vote. That leaves only jared's idol that we might be able to flush this go if they actually believe jared is the target from Josh elle colin. But if they don't we can leave votes off jared and jodi and we can vote out the unplayed idol or vote jodi out and her minions have to regroup. My biggest concern has been josh bc he really seems to not like me ☠️ and here I am risking it all to keep colin, elle, and josh in the game lol. So now colin elle and I have a three. Colin filled them in and they trust me. And we waited until josh calmed down bc he was really mad that I cut his rope in the challenge. Unfortunately I knew that he wasn't winning bc he's at the bottom, none of them were giving him immunity, and I needed to keep up the facade that I was with them 100% so I was guessing like everyone else on the most allies even though I knew it would be colin lol. So now colin has talked to Josh and josh knows about the chaos idol so I just hope he's 100% with us. Because if we play this right it's 4-4. And then I'm gonna have to reveal to them I have a steal a vote lol they might be upset I didn't tell them before but I've never said I didn't have anything (except to jodi whoops). Also now jodi is thinking worst case like wants me to say I'll vote out anastasia if it's a revote and also at 6. I was like "oh I'm a revote? I got you" as in if vote you out sorry girl. Listen I know I'm not winning and I know I'm not getting to the end because it would be stupid to take me at this point. I'm literally a double agent secret spy lol. However the entire jury WILL despise me but all I could hope is they respect the moves I made. But it seems like a lot of people in this game take things very personal so I really think it would be a completely bitter jury against me not that I'm getting there. I kind of don't want to use my steal a vote at 8 and hope they still think I'm with new himym because then we could simply idol where their vote is and I keep steal a vote for 6 and my idol for 5 and I'm golden lol 😂. And here I was gonna hard quit the game lol. I mean tbh they could just vote me here... Wait lol I'm immune jk thanks. Literally i think Babs is indifferent and dennis did like me but his vote would still go to colin. But if I was in f3 IMAGINE the story of have to tell lol and convince them all. It's the struggle of playing more behind the scenes but I really think someone is going to leave the info. I hope josh stays quiet until 7 when we should have numbers. Anyway all of this to say I wanted to play this game doing the absolute minimum and I'm spending hours and hours a day like copy pasting from the group to colin 😂 and now to our group. The problem is colin really believed jared when he said he'd flip and I was like colin no that's EXACTLY what he detailed he'd do in the group. And then Colin and josh were like wait anastasia and brayden may consider flipping and here I was like no y'all they are telling me / us they're saying that. Unless it's like a double play they are lying to you and that's their plan. All I can do is copy paste their exact messages and hope they believe me. I really do think they trust me bc I'm risking my life here. I just need to talk to Josh and explain the situation and I am with him not against him! Honestly this is such a great cast and they are playing very well. It'll be fun to see how it all works out. I don't think I'll be at the end but I would love to see underdogs take it. I would actually love josh elle and Colin at the end and I'd vote colin to win lol he put in work! I'd also vote anastasia to win because she has laid low so well with still having pull in the game. Idk it's a fun one that I think will blow up on me soon but I've been channeling Raffy's chaos and messy style bc I'm just here to have fun not to win actually lol. I am writing this while on a flight so I'll have updates later. Oh right our 4 group plan is to use the chaos idol and throw votes around so that like 2 or 3 people don't have votes then they are the only ones vulnerable in the revote and everyone who got votes is safe. Then we can vote either jared or jodi like that's the thing if jodi doesn't play an idol here I don't think she has one or no one is giving her one. I think my only chance to make it farther is to let the 4 group know I'm with them 100% but still keep my idol for myself hopefully until 6 or 5 but lol idk about that. Like I can see them wanting to take me out then. Okay that's all my thoughts right now.

https://youtu.be/ji7K8HkLmRY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78Ru1J0iXYA&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/rVRVR2zzkPc

https://youtu.be/PAjCL7-GWV

[😬 Not me completely forgetting to send this oops here i'll add a fun quote at the beginning] Jodi is Regina George, we are the schoolbus✨ Sooooooo Colin has a chaos idol how fun for him and tbh im kinda tired so here's the voting plan and the rest you can just kinda glean: Amy - Josh Elle - Colin Josh - Anastasia Colin - Jay ~~~

Edgic:

Power Ranking:

Amy: She has managed to escape suspicion from last round. Nobody believes her to be the rat leaking things to Colin. She is in the best position in this game right now being on all sides and having every single option open to her.

Colin: King of idols. King of chaos. He has it all locked down. Has capitalized on those the Jodi side has burned. Will continue to capitalize on it. The power struglle ends here.

Elle: Mostly just floating behind Colin’s shield which is what she should be doing atm.

Josh: If he stays out of people’s periphery, he can make it far. Might be dragged to end, but could make a great pitch for himself.

Jay: Ruined his position with multiple people last round. Is sort of in the middle? Sort of not? He is definitely aligned with Anastasia and Brayden who are protecting him.

Brayden: If he betrays Jodi, he will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to become a free agent instead of being locked into an alliance.

Anastasia: If she betrays Jodi, she will shoot up in this ranking. Needs to step away from Brayden and Jay who are clouding her good judgment. She is being iced from the other side.

Jared: I don’t know why he is going to use his idol on Jodi? His loyalty to her will be his downfall.

Jodi: Seems to have accepted being voted out this round. Seems to have backed herself into a corner based on her logic. Too worried about advantages to see the right path.

🤗 || 🎶 || 😡 || 🏷️ || 📖 || 🛏 || 💚 || 👫 || 💔 || 💝 || 🚀

My muse in a relationship ?s

🤗Are they physically affectionate?

Yes! Very much. He’ll hold hands a lot, give hand kisses, cheek kisses, play footsie, nuzzle, put his arms around him, rest their foreheads together. etc. Hes likes being physically affectionate

This could also work for the affectionate in public question but he’ll do it any of what i said above at home or in public. The only difference is, he’ll only give one or two kisses in public at a time, and at home they can make out.

🎶 Do they have a type? 

Yes! He tends to fall for interesting unique people. Whether its a boy or girl, if they interest him and are unique with a personality that appeals to him, he’s at risk of falling for them.

Looks wise, he does gravitate towards interesting looking people as well. Hes demi so hes not sexually attracted at first, but he will find them very very good looking and will get heart eyes. They tend to be uniquely pretty, and very naturally pretty. They wont need to try at all for Finrod to find them gorgeous. Also, they always have a gorgeous smile.

To better elaborate, some examples would be. Finrod’s Maglor is very quirky, even if hes a prince he doesnt particularly look it. He’ll have very unruly frizzy hairs at the sides of his face when its humid, and cow licks on top of his head. but very very soft emotional grey eyes, dresses a bit plain and disheveled at times, most times has muddy boots. Pays more attention to music than looking princely. Smells like harp strings and soaps he uses. Very introverted but wonderful at performing music, and has a secret genuine smile he only does around Finrod that he just goes crazy over. Secretly loves dancing, hips wiggle when excited, has the cutest giggle.

Finrod’s wife in some aus is Italian ( middle earth version of Italian). She has a pretty accent that gets deeper when upset or sassy. Has a very specific clothing style according to her culture. Has a completely different culture than Finrod does and he loves learning about it and participating. Loves sparring and will throw Finrod down on his butt every time. Shes very “i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick maglor’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass” XD Again has a pretty smile too.

Rhys is extremely unique and why Finrod fell so hard. Pale with long fluffy white hair, white eyebrows and eyelashes. Cloudy eyes because hes blind,  full pale lips with pink tint. Makes a lot of facial expressions that give away how hes feeling, eye contact is never ever needed, hes got a unique way of expressing himself with other types of body language, and of course with words. Theres just something about all those expressions, the way he smiles, and how his eyelashes flutter when his eyes are part of the way open showing his cloudy eyes that just.. drew Finrod in. Everything he does is so intriguing and has a way of making Finrod smile, even when Rhys is a bit sarcastic. Theres a gentleness, love and loyalty to him along with layers upon layers of other things like shyness, bitterness, frustration, a little afraid, stubbornness. And of course everyone has so many layers to their personality, but his in particular Finrod fell in love with.  Obviously there are even more unique things like his mutation, but even without it Finrod would have still been just as intrigued. The way he sits at windows for warmth, the look on his face when he eats sweets, his smile, his laugh, the way he says certain words in his accent,  how he can melt with just a small physical gesture or when holding a soft bunny. Despite everything hes been through, hes still soft and sweet and beautiful, any roughness around the edges Finrod loves just as much. He embraces the uniqueness in its entirety, whether Rhys may consider some aspects of himself flawed or less than perfect, Finrod just sees his unique Rhys, perfect just the way he is in every way.

😡What are their deal breakers?

Nothing turns him off from a person faster than seeing them being hateful to someone. Just needlessly underhanded and hateful to someone who did nothing wrong. Like bullying, tripping someone just to be mean or throwing stuff at someone for no reason. In general, if they pick on people and bully them. But chances are Finrod wouldnt have been too interested in them if he didnt know them well enough yet to know their true nature.

Cheating. Or even just implying they would cheat turns him off so fasttt. A random example would be If Finrod had a crush on someone who happened to be dating someone. He wouldnt ever bring it up or imply that he was crushing, its rude and he would respect they were in a relationship. But if they started talking to him about how they would cheat with someone or even him, or even try to kiss him. Nope, turned off, right then. He could understand if they werent happy in their relationship and wanted to end it and find someone else, thats perfectly normal and fine, but not cheating and wanting both people ( or more than both).

Insulting him or his friends/family. Theres a difference between playful banter/playful insults and flat out true insults.  This may or may not be something that builds up to it being a deal breaker. If someone happens to tell him his hair looks awful one day hes gonna take it as them letting him know as a favor so he wouldnt have walked around like that too long or something so he could fix it. Thats totally fine and normal, but if someone makes that an every day thing where they constantly are insulting his hair, his clothes, his work, his food, etc. If they insult everything about him constantly hes gonna be turned off from them. However, before he does anything hes gonna talk to them about it first and let them know how theyre making him feel. Then their reaction will determine whether or not its a deal breaker. They would probably remain only friends though.

Similarly, if he hears someone outright insult a friend of his or family member hes gonna be turned off right then. A little communication will be applied again but still, only remain friends most likely.  It depends on the situation.

🏷️ Do they give their partners cute nicknames?

He does! If his partners name is long he’ll shorten it to a nickname. Rhys’ name is short already so he wont do that, but he’ll use things like “ Love” or very possibly a term of endearment in Gaelic that Rhys likes. Or maybe darling. Things like that. But I doubt he would ever say “Babe” or “Sweetheart”. He uses sweetheart for little kids, and babe just sounds funny to him.  He would never say Baby for sure.

📖 What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner?

I dont know that he has a favorite. He likes cooking together, going for walks, going to the park… So many things… if he had to pick a favorite its a tie between Cuddling on the couch with Rhys explaining tv shows, movies, and books while having a snack; and cooking together.

  🛏What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner?

Well..Reading for one thing. They do most of their reading before bed all cuddled up and that technically counts for this question because its in the bedroom.

In terms of physical bedroom activities, he just likes kissing and making love in general with Rhys in any way they feel like. He could never choose a favorite if he tried, its all heavenly to him.

💚Are they prone to jealousy?

Not really. Finrod gets more sad and envious rather than jealous. For example, if before they became a couple, someone flirted with Rhys or Rhys flirted with someone, he would get a bit sad and envy them. He would never say anything though, hes too polite so there would never be any resentful feelings of jealousy or anything. Just a bit pouty.  Unless the person flirting with Rhys, or who Rhys was flirting with, was a jerk then he would be resentful toward that person and very protective. Most likely he would just talk to Rhys about it, communication is the best thing for it.

Although, if he and Rhys ( or just in general he and a partner, this applies always) were dating, he would never ever get jealous, sad or, envious because there would be no reason to. He trusts Rhys completely and knows he would never cheat on him, so if anyone ever flirted with Rhys, his response wouldnt be jealousy, it would be to politely let the person know Rhys was his boyfriend. If that didnt work and they still were bothering Rhys, then he’d tell them to get lost.  Probably growl if the person is stubborn and takes it to far.

👫Do they display affection in public? What about in private?

This ties in with the first question. He’ll hold hands, give hand kisses, cheek kisses, play footsie, nuzzle, put his arms around him, rest their foreheads together, and one or two kisses at a time maybe three. He wont make out in public ( unless theyre somehow hidden they might have a mini make out, like ex: making out under their umbrella at the beach)  but is very affectionate in a tasteful way. Granted terribly sappy, but tasteful.

The only difference between public and private is that they kiss a lot in private, will definitely make out for as long as their hearts desire. They also have a lot of sex.

💔Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with? 

Going back into the deal breaker question, he will never enter a relationship with someone whos a bully to anyone or him. Its just not going to happen, ever.  If someone doesnt treat people right or him right, he doesnt want any sort of relationship with them at all.

💝How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship?

It depends on the relationship. With Rhys he was always comfortable because they had been friends for years prior. Sure a little awkward, but also comfortable. Since they had been best friends i think it was a little scary. Finrod didnt want to ruin their friendship but they both knew things would get better rather than anything getting ruined. They fully trusted each other so they knew they would always be together regardless and let themselves follow where ever their feelings led. I would say after a few months of dating they were pretty secure, a little awkward and it felt like a dream, but secure and comfortable. In terms of being comfortable with new stages in the relationship thats something different, they took each step slowly at a comfortable pace.

In a different situation, in general it would take him several months to feel secure and comfortable, possibly almost a year if he and the person hadnt known each other that well before they started dating. That would mean they dated in order to get to know each other and it takes a long time to fully get to know someone that well.

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love?

Finrod would do anything his love needed. Anything. Finrod would kill for Rhys if he had too.

That being said, Rhys is someone he trusts completely and he wouldnt ever be in a relationship if he didnt trust his partner like that wholly. Rhys would never ask him to do anything unless there was a solid good reason. Finrod knows that. So if a reason ever presented itself he would do what ever Rhys needed in a heartbeat.

Doing anything to protect Rhys isnt even debatable, he would protect Rhys with his last dying breath if he had to.