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#ace reads
bakerstreethound · 11 months
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Ever read a book that crushes you then you have to wait a year for the sequel?
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dykebeckett · 7 months
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paragraphs that make you so so miserable (from In A Land Of Awe by Chad Hanson) (id in alt)
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wh0refornikolailantsov · 11 months
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Prompt: “I think you're still my person. I'm just hoping that maybe one day, I can be yours again too.”
Song: The Night We Met - Lord Huron
For Tolya x Reader please!!
Follow Your Arrow - Tolya Yul Bataar
Summary: Ace & Aro/Ace Solidarity.
Content Warnings: Self Doubt And Self Questioning. Struggles With Identity In Regards To Sexuality, Relationships And The Expectations Of Others. Miscommunication Trope. Angst. No Beta/ Proof Reading.
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Things had been so much easier before. Things had been simpler then too. Back when you felt like you understood your place, your direction. The heart is an arrow, Inej's voice reminds you in the back of your mind, it demands aim to land true. Your heart was an arrow alright, that much was never an easy thing to hide. Your heart runs the show and your mind follows slow in suit.
"You are all heart, dirre," Nina had told you once. "And I love that about you, but it makes it hard to be sure which way you will lean, your heart is impulsive and you have never learned to not follow it."
"You'll follow it off a cliff edge one of these days," Kaz had added, not bothering to look up.
As much as you had wanted to argue, there had been no point in denying it, you knew that then and you know it now. You will follow your heart wherever it leads you, you don't know any other way.
And yet, your heart s tugging at you, begging, screaming, demanding, you are trying your best to drown it out. It goes against your very nature, but you don't know what else to do. Your heart has never lead you wrong, and by the Saints you knew falling for the kind hearted zowa with the golden eyes wasn't a misstep. But you also know all the things those around you want. It's not that you've been overly perceptive, just that in your experience people are surprisingly honest about the things they seek. Maybe it was spending all the time with Tamar, and how freely she would speak of all the things she wanted, all the things she thought and desires, the way she would make whispers at some pretty girl at a tavern and you'd see the girl blush and bite her lip. The way Tamar would throw you and your companions a wink before turning back to her flirtations.
You knew what you were expected to want, expected to think about, and you thought that maybe you did, in moments and in flashes but they'd pass you by and you wondered if they were ever there at all.
These deliberations of wondering what was expected of you and what was wanted from you, and what was keeping you at an unwanted distance.
You could talk to Tolya about, but the idea of that made your stomach turn and your heart ache, like there was something in those words you weren't meant to be saying, something to keep hidden.
Tolya has noticed your distancing, and he tried not to wonder too deeply about all the reasons you could be pulling away from him. Your company has become his favourite way to spend his time, your presence bringing him a sense of calm and appreciation that he hasn't found in anyone else.
And he cannot discern why you have started keeping such a distance. He is sure he has done something wrong, and that's what is on his mind as he approaches you, slowly, gently, the way he would approach a wolf... or maybe a bear.
"I am sorry," are the first words that leave his mouth. They confuse you instantly.
"What for?" you ask.
"Whatever it is that I have done," he says, which tells you nothing.
"I don't follow," you respond.
"I seem to have upset you in some way, there is a rift that wasn't here before," as he tries to explain you feel your guilt bubbling over. This was your issue, and somehow you'd made him feel bad for it.
"Tolya you've done nothing wrong," you assure him. "I am the problem."
"I don't see a problem," he says, and sits next to you, "so if you talk to me, maybe we can see where we stand differently on that."
"I don't think I can be," you sigh, "there is this person I need to be, the person I am, and this person that you need me to be, or want me to be, or should want me to be, and I cannot be them. Equally I think there is probably this version of you I wish for you to be that I cannot expect you to be and if neither of us can be these people then I don't know, I felt it was better if I stepped away."
He frowns. “I think you're still my person. I'm just hoping that maybe one day, I can be yours again too.”
"Tolya," your voice is strained, you want to make him understand, no, you need to make him understand. "I am not like the others."
"I know," he smiles, "I have always admired that about you."
"No, Tolya, you misunderstand me," you say, "I... I do not want things that I should want, I don't have feelings where I should have them, and it's not about you, I think I might love you," you don't let your thoughts linger on the words, you just keep talking, "but that doesn't change anything, and I thought it might, I thought maybe I was looking in the wrong places, but I think maybe it's not as simple as that. These feelings aren't something I am going to just find one day, pick up like a new skill, I don't think I have them. I don't want the things I know people think I want, the things they think I should want, things I think I should want." You sigh. "If I had those feelings I'd have them for you," you admit. "But I don't have them, and I can't... I don't think I will have them. And I know that is not exactly something that a lot of people want to hear."
"I do not need you to have those feelings," Tolya says slowly, thinking each word over carefully, "I do not... have those feelings."
"You don't?" You ask. Then before he speaks. "Oh you don't for me, that's fine, that makes sense." His laugh is not sad but there's a tiredness in it, not for you, but almost as if he is finally putting down something he has been carrying.
"No, I just don't," he says, "at all."
"You don't?" you repeat, you feel your heart rise into your chest. You cannot believe yourself. You jumped to conclusions, you assumed things of Tolya because others have assumed them of you. Of Tolya. How had you got your lines so crossed.
"That's not to say I do not love you," Tolya says quickly, "because I think that I do," he doesn't miss the way you smile at the floor as he says this, "but I just think it's different."
"Not what others are talking about when they speak," you say, understanding him entirely.
"To love you..." he pauses, "it is like to love myself. Loving you, is an extension of me."
"What I see of myself in you, makes me love those parts of me more because I cannot help but love you," you say. He smiles.
"Exactly," he says. "I have never wanted anything more from you than what you already give."
"I want only for your company, for your closeness, for the way your eyes see me in ways others cannot."
"I only want to know that when I look for you, I will always find you."
"That I can always find home, because home is you."
Tolya relaxes. "We misunderstood eachother," he says.
"Well, it's rare," you admit, "but it happens."
"So you're happy?" he asks. You nod.
"You thought I was unhappy?" you ask.
"I thought I had done something wrong," he admits.
"I thought I was wrong," you whisper.
"I do not believe two people have ever been more suited to each others company, as when the Saints placed us here at the same time."
"And I couldn't be more grateful."
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gwen-tolios · 2 years
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Books Where The Ace Character Has A Relationship
There needs to be more of these. Some of us do want relationships!
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All these books have canon ace characters - word on the page vs headcanons fyi.
1) Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann. This book gets a lot of buzz, as it should, for its portrayal of a black ace girl navigating a relationship. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31625039-let-s-talk-about-love
2) Chameleon Moon by RoAnna Sylver, and the other stories about Parole. This has a poly relationship with an ace character and a whole lot of other rep. It reads like a blockbuster action movie, if that's your thing. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31938167-chameleon-moon
3) Thaw by Elyse Springer. Featuring a relationship between a model and a librarian, I love how this is such a standard romance novel. All the beats are there - it's just got an ace woman in it ^_^ https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32673586-thaw
4) The Spy with the Red Balloon by Katherine Locke. Wolf is demisexual (hello ace brethren) and his romance is his B-plot. This is completely okay because trying to sabotage Hitler takes priority. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38650956-the-spy-with-the-red-balloon
5) Returning to You by Gwen Tolios. That rare partnership between an ace and aro character (neither of whom are aro ace), full of pining, family drama, and going from friends to lovers. As aces do. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/60497147-returning-to-you
6) Three Stupid Weddings by Ann Gallagher. Fake dating, friends to lovers, but make it gay and ace? Yes. You need this. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41074778-three-stupid-weddings
7) His Quiet Agent by Ada Maria Soto. This is a classic ace romance, released way back in 2017, that reads like the gentle sickfic in the hurt/comfort tag on Ao3. Nurse your ace coworker back to health, and now you're a couple. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35238838-his-quiet-agent?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_9
8) Making Love by Aidan Wayne. This features an aro and a ace character realizing they're falling for each other in a world of cupids and succubi. Suuuper fluffy. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33120447-making-love?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_26
9) Enchanted Soles edited by Sasha Miller. This is a queer anthology featuring stories about shoes, but the last story called Hallowed Veil is the gold star. It features TWO ace characters, one in a relationship, and highlights the spectrum of desires. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30075296-enchanted-soles
10) How to Be Ace: A Memoir Of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess. Non-fiction graphic novel about growing up ace, including dating troubles. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54403237-how-to-be-ace
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acequinz · 3 months
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Ahhhhh I had a feeling he would transmigrate as Qingqui.
Oh wait... Does that mean we are the beginning of the novel where binghe is dropped into hell or like before that?
And Shen Yuan has the time to switch things up?
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bluestonewings · 4 months
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ACES!!! Look at this Scientific American article!!! It makes me genuinely so happy to read. We’re making it!!!!
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/asexuality-is-finally-breaking-free-from-medical-stigma/
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moonchild-nissa · 2 months
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One Piece & Scars (part 1)
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cult-of-the-eye · 7 months
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I love how intricate asexuality can be. No sex at all? Sure! Just want to watch? Brilliant! Only comfortable with topping? You go girl! Only rarely feel aroused and when you do it's very touch and go? Wonderful! Kinky but not in a sex way? Coolio! Queerness is full of nuance and people are complicated and things never live in a vacuum!!
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majunju · 18 days
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cold
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lunarlegend · 1 year
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y'know, one thing i don't see get talked about much in regards to asexuality is how it feels to never be 'sexually motivated' by anything
and not just when it comes to advertisements using 'sexy' models to try and sell you stuff, but like. in general
sex as a favor, sex as a bribe, sex in exchange for whatever
casual sex, 'friends with benefits' situations, even simple flirting
it all looks a whole lot different from the perspective of someone who's immune to manipulation via sex appeal, who has virtually no understanding as to why sex would motivate someone to cheat on their partner, etc. etc.
sex is worthless to me
i mean, it's useful as a story element in fiction, but it genuinely perplexes me that sex is such a driving force behind so many aspects of irl society & of people's individual lives, for better or for worse
and that it's so deeply ingrained into how the average person views the world & various situations, because the average person feels sexual attraction, whereas i do not
i think the barrier between aces & allos is actually even deeper than it seems on the surface at times, because it's more than just the grating expectation that everyone must want to 'settle down' and have kids, it's also the fact that the majority of the world is sort of 'in' on a joke that aces will never truly be a part of
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werewolfsister · 6 days
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Nothing like finding a body in the trunk of your cherry red sports car after a hard day at work!
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bakerstreethound · 5 months
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I stayed up finishing Iron Flame and am in hangover mode now....what am I supposed to do it that ending??? 😩😭
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dykebeckett · 7 months
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obsessed with this theory I read about today
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gwen-tolios · 2 years
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destiny-islanders · 7 months
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i get it now
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ale-arro · 7 months
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been going a little bit insane about this sentence from Ace by Angela Chen for the past week
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