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jadedxrealityw · 3 years

Text

-Opposites- Peter Parker x Female Reader

☼-☪-☼

Kody: sassy reader for the win

Movie/Show: Spider-Man: Homecoming / Infinity war / Endgame

Request: hi, how are you? i hope everything is okay! it's ok if i ask for some peter×reader where the reader is all sass and peter is all shy and cute maybe? idk, don't really have something specific in mind, but i really like your writing thank you! 💕 @loudbluepancake

Possible Triggers / Warnings: cursing, puke/throwing up/vomit, angst because i suck, Peter being to innocent for his own good

☼-☪-☼

people always say opposites attract. That two completely different people could cherish each other. You didn’t really believe in such superstitions for most of your life. That was until you met Peter Parker in chemistry class, it was like your whole idealism was thrown into orbit.

it was sophomore year and you despised anything science related. Mostly because you sucked at it- okay that’s the only reason. Your teacher had issued some work packet, about six pages to be finished by the end of class. The urge to throw yourself out the window was growing by the second.

you guessed your internal struggle became visible at one point because you felt a light tap on your shoulder.

your head snapped to the left like an owl, startling the brown haired boy in front of you “What?” you said rather harshly due to your stress. He purses his lips together, contemplating whether it was a good idea to come over to you after all, he just had to listen to Ned.

he holds out his hand, offering it for her to shake with a nervous smile “I’m Peter- uh Peter Parker. I saw you were um- struggling? I can help” he says, stumbling over his words a bit, something he usually did. You eyed him up and down, noting his nervous stature.

narrowing your eyes for a second, you sigh “Yeah clearly. I’d appreciate that. I’m Y/n by the way” you reach and grab his hand, shaking it twice before letting go. “Pretty- i mean your name is pretty. Sorry” he apologized quickly. Watching him trip over himself was kinda funny.

“Well i hope i don’t look ugly either” you said, a small grin on your face as his drops to a worried look. “No!-” he exclaims, earning a harsh shoosh from the teacher in front of the classroom and a few weird stares at his outburst. Peter takes notice and smiles nervously around the room.

�� he turns to look at you and sighs “That was joke wasn’t it?” his face scrunches up. He looked cute that way “Yeah, but i would actually like your help” you admit with a half smile. He blinks mindlessly for a moment before exhaling deeply “Alright”

and that’s how it started

☼-☪-☼

six months later

after your quick encounter, would would always bug Peter on chemistry work when it didn’t make sense to you, so most of the time. “I- I’m busy Y/n” he spoke, not looking in your direction “With what?” you asked, not believing him in the slightest. He was such a bad liar.

his hands clench a bit as he crosses his arms “I’m going out of town for a bit” he says and Ned nods along with him. Ned didn’t look like he was lying, so you figured he was in the dark too? Unfortunately you were a hot head “when you want to buck up and tell me the fucking truth, delete my number”

Peter looks up at you, his mouth opening to say something. He wanted to say something, anything really, but he knew he couldn’t. How was he supposed to say he was going to Germany to fight Captain America with Tony Stark. Oh yeah he was also Spider-Man!, but he really wanted too.

his mouth closed and you took that as your cue to leave. Turning on your heels, you walk towards the door of the classroom “Y/n!” Peter calls out, but instead of turning round you lift your hand up and flip him off. As you walk out the door Peter drops his head onto the table.

“That girl has too much sass for her own good” Ned says, Peter just folded his arms and sighs, but he did agree. You on the other hand were huffing and puffing as you walked out, trying to calm yourself down and convince yourself that Peter blowing you off shouldn’t hurt as much as it did.

☼-☪-☼

two weeks later

you were sitting at your desk looking at your chemistry textbook and taking notes. The truth was you had been taking Peter’s study techniques to heart and were actually passing because of it. You had just gotten so used to Peter coming over to help you study for tests that you assumed he’d be there.

maybe it was selfish of you too expect him to bend to your will, but he was your only friend other then Ned and Maybe Michelle, but she was more of a loner at the moment, but she’d come around. You liked watching him teach you because he was confident in the way he spoke.

but you loved his shy side, because you could get an reaction out of him by anything you said- that sounded more mean then it should. You were brought back to reality once you hear your cat meow next to you, since they were sitting on your desk.

“Do you think he has a girlfriend and that’s why he blew me off?” you ask your furry fellow who nuzzles it’s head into your hand. “It’s not like i would care if he had a girlfriend. We don’t even like each other like that” you shrug your shoulders, the words not feeling right as you say them.

“Are you talking to your cat?”

“What the fuck!” you shout and jump out your chair to face your window. Perched on the windowsill was a guy in a red and dark blue spider suit. Spider-Man. He raises his hands up in defense, almost falling back out the window “Okay okay, maybe i should have knocked” he joked.

was he- making jokes?

you turn to your desk and grab from the stack of textbooks, chemistry. You chuck it at him and he catches it “Yeah that’s not gonna work” he says with an amused laugh, but it’s cut short s you throw your english book next and it hits him straight in the head.

“Ow! What is your problem?!” he shouts and throws your books onto your bed. You deadpan and gesture to the room “Your in a 15 year old girls room you fucking creep!” you shout back. “If it makes you feel any better i’m also 15!” he says, dodging more flying books and throwing them on the bed.

“It doesn’t dipshit, your still a man!”

“Okay okay, i’m sorry!” he apologizes, letting out a groan as he grabbed his his side. You narrow your eyes and drop the book you were holding “What’re you hurt or something?” you question, He lets out a small laugh “Ran into a mugger on the way here- i mean i live around here”

“Right and you stopped by my room because?” you say, not fully trusting spider boy over here. “I heard you talking to yourself- well cat and thought you needed some company” he shrugs. At this point you thought he was either a creep or a really nice dumb guy.

“Why were you talking to your cat. Don’t have friends?” he said and you life up the book again to throw it at him “No no no i mean like you seem like a nice gal, so i assumed you would have friends?” he quickly mustered up the words. You roll your eyes “Nice save” you say before sitting on your bed.

“I have three, one is busy with crime documentaries, one is building legos, and i’m not talking to the third” a frown overtook your face. Spider-man stepped through the window and sat down, leaning against the wall “What’s the reason?” he said, sounding unsure if that made sense.

“He’s a dick and lied to me” you reply, hoping off the bed to sit on the floor, but still lean against the wooden frame of said bed. “How do you know he lied?” Spider-man questioned “He shoves his hands under his armpits and doesn’t make eye contact with me. He’s also just a shit liar”

Spider-man went silent after that, mumbling something to himself before eventually speaking up “Maybe he had a good reason?” he said and you rolled your eyes. “I told him everything about myself and he lied to me. Maybe everyone else was right”

“Everyone else?”

“Most of our other classmates and people in our year in general think i’m obnoxious, loud, and just overall an overbearing attitude. Ned, my other friend just calls it sass.” cracking a smile, you advert your eyes to your hands to mindlessly pick at your nails.

you weren’t able to see as Spider-man’s fist clenched before sighing “Does he know about what they say about you?” he asked, already knowing the answer “Nah” you shake your head “I didn’t want to worry ‘bout lil old me. I guess someone got to him”

“I don’t think that’s true”

“How so spidey?”

“If i was your friend i’d never believe what other people say about you. You don’t seem obnoxious” he says. That was kind ff sweet of him “Well you don’t seem like the kind of guy to fight Captain America, plus some other avengers but i saw the news yesterday”

he reached behind to scratch the back of his clothed neck “That’s on the news already?” he asked. You lift your head and nod “Yeah dude, some people stayed back and recorded it i guess” you shrug, thinking that was a plausible answer. “Aw man” he whines, making you chuckle.

“I think you held your own for a good amount of time. i would have probably died, but i can’t shoot webs out my wrist so it only makes sense” you wave your hands a bit “Hey! i also have enhanced strength, reflexes, and speed. I’m amazing” he gloats.

“Alright Spider boy don’t let that go to your big head”

“It’s Spider-man, thank you very much” he replies with as much sass “I’m already rubbing off on you, get out of here before you become my clone” you joke, standing off the ground, Spider-man doing the same. You saw his mask move as he laughed a bit.

“I should get home and you better call your friend, even if it’s just yell. I’m sure he’d want to hear your voice after how long?” he asked, going over to the window “Two weeks” you say, stepping towards him “Yeah he definitely misses you. See you around”

“yeah yeah i will. See you round Spidey. Get that rib checked out by the way” you point at him in a mock scolding tone. He shakes his head “I will too, bye” and with that he fell back out the window. You went over and looked at the sidewalk just as he swung passed you.

he waves and you do too before shutting the window. What a weird dude. You look back at your desk and spot your phone “Dammit” you mumble and walk over slowly, like the device was going to jump out and bite your damn finger off. Once your close you grab your phone and swipe up, unlocking it.

you click on the green phone button. It opens up and you click contacts until you see ‘P.B Parker’ it was funny at the time you made it, now it seemed stupid. fuck, why did this seem so hard all of the sudden? You quickly click the call button before your mind could make you pussy out.

it rang once, then twice.. “Hello?” you press the phone to your ear, feeling nerves nip at your skin “Hey Parker” you say and it went silent for a few moments “It’s- uh It’s nice to hear your voice, i thought you’d ignore me forever” he says with a nervous laugh.

“Nah, i don’t have enough friends to do that. What were you really doing the past two weeks?” you ask, hoping to get straight answer from him “I was working with Tony Stark, i got an internship with him. I wanted it to be a surprise” he said. “Now i feel like a bitch”

“Don’t- i. I should have said something. I don’t like when your mad at me Y/n. It’s both scary and depressing” he admits, which made your chest feel a bit warm “It’s because i’m so amazing i know” you reply, making him chuckle “Yeah, you are”

you two ended up talking on the phone for hours about nothing and everything. He seemed more confident in the way he spoke as well, but you will always like the shy side of him. It was also the night you figured out you liked your best friend.

☼-☪-☼

one month later

“Hey guys, Peter’s in his room. I’m making turkey meatloaf” May says as she steps aside so you and ned could come through. May wraps her arms around you and squeezes you tightly “May. Losing. Oxygen. Tell my mom. I love her” you say dramatically and she laughs, letting go.

you smile as she kisses your forehead before going back to the kitchen “Five bucks says she burns it” Ned says and you nod, shaking his hand. Both you and Ned walk into Peter’s room, not bothering to knock because you both suck “Where the hell is he?” Ned asked and you shrug.

“May said he was here, so she probably doesn’t know he’s out. I’m not snitching’” you raise your hands, pushing the door a bit with your foot. Ned rolls his eyes and goes over to Peter’s bed placing the box of legos down “I’ll call him” he says and you nod, taking a seat at his desk.

Ned lifts his phone to his ear and you could hear as it rang a rang, but Peter never picked up “I’ll text him were here and i guess will wait?” he says, unsure. You shoot him a shrug “Whatever you want to do dude” you reply. Ned sighs as he texts rapidly on his phone before looking at you.

“What?”

“You are no help sometimes, you know?”

“Fully aware. Now let’s build that death star thing to rub it in his face” you suggest, going over to sit next to Ned “It’s just death star” he says and you roll your eyes this time “Yeah whatever. Now open it up before i put legos in your shoe”

☼-☪-☼

a couple hours later

“I don’t even know what it’s supposed to look like, but damn that’s cool” you say, looking at the fully built death star in the hands on Ned “Yeah! We have to take a picture for Peter-” Ned stopped talking as you both heard the window to the left of you both.

you tilted your head to watch as the the similar figure wearing red and dark blue suit clung onto the wall. What. The. Fuck!? Both you and Ned are stunned into the silence at the fact that Spider-man just crawled through your best friends room.

was this a normal thing for him?

you were just beginning to process what was happening until Spider-man reached up to grab his mask and rip it off his head. You should have looked away, but you didn’t and what you saw some reason made you feel sick. The dorky face of Peter Parker.

what

the

fuck

Peter slowly crawled across the ceiling until he was a few feet to the right of his door. He lifts his arm and shoots a web, slowly pulling it closed. Once he could no longer do that, his feet detached from the ceiling and he was dangling by one arm for a second until that detached as well.

he went to the door and used his hand to fully shut it, letting out a deep sigh. He turns around and his whole body freezes up, his brown eyes going back and forth between you and Ned. Ned drops the death star, causing it too crash onto the floor and break apart. Damn-

Ned stood up abruptly while you looked around, reaching for the trash can beside his bed. You grab it and release the lunch you had earlier in it. “What was that?!” May called from the kitchen. Peter looked back and the door with a worried look “UH! Nothing! Nothing!” he shouts back.

he looked back at Ned, who looked like he was bubbling with questions already “Your the Spider-man, from youtube” he breathes out. Peter pats his chest as his suit deflates around him. You look up for a moment, wiping your mouth to see Peter just in his boxers. “I’m not. I’m not” Peter repeats

fuck, Shit, Damn-

emotions were everywhere at the moment. Wait did he have abs!? “You were on the ceiling you dipshit!” you shout at him, pointing up with your finger. Peter looks like he’s about to implode “NO i wasn’t. Guys what’re you doing in my room?!”

is he- trying to- turn this on you guys?

“May let us in. You said we were going to finish the death star?!” Ned explains hastily. “You can’t just bust into my room!” Peter shoust back just as the door opens, causing him to stand next to Ned as smoke came filing into the room. Jesus, was the house on fire- oh nevermind.

damn you owned Ned five bucks. May came in laughing to herself “That turkey meatloaf recipe is a disaster. Lets go to dinner. Thai? Ned, Y/n you wan’t Thai?” she says, reaching up to take the clip out of her hair. Ned smiles “Yeah actually-”

“No he’s got a thing”

“A thing to do after” Ned corrects, smiling nervously as May looked at you, waiting for your answer “I just puked in this trash can so” you say simply making May’s face become worried “Okay, i’ll go get some stomach medicine” she says, grabbing for the handle

“Maybe put on some clothes”

Peter purses his lips together and grabs a grey sweatshirt off his desk chair quickly. May smiles and closes the door, Peter going back to standing in front of both of you. Ned raises his hand gesturing to the door “Oh! She doesn’t know!” Ned says.

Peter sighs before turning back to ned. “No, nobody knows. Well Mr. Stark knows, but that’s because he made my suit, but that’s it” he explains, showing his arms through the sleeves of the sweatshirt. “Tony Stark made you that? Are you an avenger?” Ned says in pure disbelief.

Peter’s mouth went agape for a moment until his head did that cute, stupid little nod thing “Yeah basically” he says, shrugging his shoulders. Ned dramatically leaned against the bunk bed “Oh Jeez” Peter went to stand directly in front of him. You finally stood up and stood next to Ned

“Dude, you guys can’t tell anyone about this. You gotta keep this a secret” he says in a hushed tone. This is a first seeing him so serious “A secret, why?” Ned says and you facepalm next to him “Seriously?” you say, whacking Ned’s arm. who swats your hand away.

Peter’s voice suddenly got very high in pitch “You know what she’s like. If she finds out people are trying to kill me every single night, she’s not going to let me do this anymore” he says, gesturing to the door every couple words. “Come on Ned please” Peter begs.

“Okay, okay, okay, kay I’m gonna level with you.I don’t think i can keep this a secret ” he says and Peter sighs, turning his head away “This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me” he says. He acted like he just found out that he himself was Spider-man instead of Peter.

“May can not know. I can not do that to her right now, you know?. With everything that’s happened with her I- please” he pleaded his case once more, his voice cracking a bit. It would have pained you to see him like that a little more if the urge to strangle him wasn’t there.

“Okay”

“Just swear it okay, both of you”

“I swear” Ned says and Peter looks at you. “Yeah i swear, for May’s sake” you make sure to point out you were still pissed at him. “Thank you” Peter says anyway. “Okay” you shrug your shoulders. Peter ran a hand through his hair “I can’t believe this is happening right now”

“Is the internal freakout kicking in Spidey?” you say with a small grin on your face. “Can i try the suit on?” Ned asked “No“ both you and Peter say at the same time. “How does it work? Is it magnets?” How do you shoot the strings?” Ned kept the questions rolling.

Peter grabbed his arm, leading him towards the door “I’mma tell you this at school tomorrow okay?” he said and Ned nods as Peter grabs the door handle “Great. Wait ” Ned says and they both stop at the door. Did he forget about you. “How do you do this and the Stark internship” he asks.

wow

Peter gives him a strange look “This is the Stark internship” he says and Ned smiles, nodding “Oh” Peter shakes his head and shoves Ned through the door “Just get out” he says and shuts it. He turns his back and leans against it, exhaling deeply.

you take a seat on his bed and grab your black sneakers so you can slip them on. “What’re you doing?” Peter asked, pushing himself off the door “Leaving. What does it look like genius?” you snap at him as you stand up once more “But May said she’d bring you some-”

“I’ll tell her i’m fine. I just want to go home” you say and go to grab your bag off the floor when Peter shoots a web at it, pulling it towards him “I know your mad at me” he says “Oh so he is a genius, what do you want? a cookie. Give me my bag Peter” you say bitterly.

“I wanted to tell you, i really did. Especially after that night in your room-”

“Don’t even bring that up”

“Y/n please, just let me and explain” he begs as you walk towards him and go for the handle, but he shoots a web onto it before you can even touch it. You sigh and look at him with a glare “Fine” you submit and he nods, dropping your bag beside him.

“I was a normal kid my whole life and then my world was flipped over. I could do things no one else could and it was awesome, but i knew i couldn’t tell anyone but at the same time i knew i could help people. So i did and it became my new normal”

you listened quietly, trying not to give off any emotions or whatever “then six months ago i met a girl who couldn’t do her chemistry work, so much so that she was breaking her pencil and didn’t even notice. Everyone calls her obnoxious and full of attitude, but i think she’s perfect”

“Are you flirting with me Peter?” you asked and he smiles sheepishly “No- well yes, but i’m trying to tell you i like you. Like- like like you” he said then immediately averted his eyes away from you. “Oh” you breathed out, in shock yourself.

“Yeah”

a few moments went by and both of you didn’t say a word, just stared at each other awkwardly. Peter seemed to become antsy by the second because out of nowhere he grabs your face with both of his hands, planting his lips on yours. It took you a second, but you kissed him back.

wait

pushing him away, you wipe your mouth “Peter i just puked in your trash can dumbass!”

☼-☪-☼

two years later / senior year

“I fucking hate bridges” you groan, slumping down into your seat. Field trips sucked ass, especially when you had to drive over a bridge. “You’ll be fine” Peter reassures, wrapping an arm around you. You narrow your eyes and look at him “When we drive off this bridge and die. I’m blaming you”

Peter shook his head before his face dropped and he looked at his arm. The hairs on his arm standing up. He takes his arm from around your head and places his hand over the hairs, causing your head to fall back “Ow. What the hell Peter?” you glare,

you sit up in your seat and spot what he’s looking at. Oh aliens- that’s fucking great. Wait your boyfriend is a superhero “Peter” you say, but he looks at the back of the bus before reaching in the front to tap Ned in the face. Ned takes out his earbud and looks back at him.

“Hey Hey. I need you to cause a distraction”

“Ned don’t” You say, but it’s too late, Ned spots the spaceship, his face lighting up “Holy shit. We’re all gonna die!” he shouts, getting the attention of everyone on the bus. “Peter” you say again. Everyone gets out there seats and strats to crowd the back of the bus. “It’s a spaceship!”

Peter reaches into his backpack and pulls out his web-shooter, slapping it on his wrist. It connects automatically. He points it out the window on the other side of the bed and shoots a web at the latch, pulling it open. You grab his arm, finally catching his attention “Peter for fucks sake think about this”

“It’ll be fine. I always come back, you know this. I’ll see in a couple hours okay?” Peter flashes you a smile. You sigh and nod “Fine, come back soon” you say and he nods, leaning down to peck your lips. “I Love you, bye” he spoke quickly before launching himself out the window.

he had never said i love you before

☼-☪-☼

you were at home, religiously watching the news on your phone, switching to other channels if they didn’t have any view of Peter. Speaking of Peter, he was currently holding onto Doctor Strange as something was beaming it up “Peter just let go” you say to yourself.

but you knew he wouldn’t

you watched as the light post that was keeping him down was ripped out the earth and your boyfriend shot through the air, leaving earth with that spaceship. He was gone, but he would come back. That’s what he told you. Like she had been watching herself Mj’s contact appeared on your phone.

scrambling across your bed, you grab your phone, answering it “Y/n” she says before you have a chance to explode on her “He’s gone Mj What am i supposed to do?” you say, your words breaking like you had forgotten how to speak. Mj waits a few seconds before responding.

“He’ll be back. No get some rest it’s late will meet at the cafe next to your house with Ned”

☼-☪-☼

two days later

“Y/n, you looked like you haven’t slept” Ned points out, causing you to send a glare his way “Yeah no shit, my boyfriend is in fucking space and i haven’t seen him for two days, but yeah thanks for pointing that out dickwas” you snap, leaning back in your chair.

Ned purses his lips and looks around, begging for Mj to show up with your drinks already. “He’s my friend too, my best friend. I’m scared, but you know Peter. He’ll be back” he says. You look at him and sigh “Yeah i’m sorry Ned” you say and reach across of the table, opening your hand.

Ned takes your hand into his and you smile “You guys having a seance without me or something?” you both turn your heads to see Mj standing in front of the table. She places the drinks down, one in front of you and one in front of Ned. “God, did we have to chose a table outside it’s hella freezing”

you laugh at Mj’s comment “I needed the fresh air. My room smells like depression and doritos” you say, making Mj snicker this time. You lift up your drink and look at Ned who is frozen in fear. “Ned” you say, placing your cup down.

Ned doesn’t say a word, only lifting his finger, pointing at something between you and Mj, who had taken a seat next to you. Both you and Mj turn around to see people- people turning into dust and floating away like a old dandelion you blew to make a wish on as a kid.

Mj’s eyes widen “We have to go!” she shouts and just as you were both ready to take off- “Guys” you both turn to look at Ned. He’s staring at his hand, watching as he came apart and floated away “Ned!” you shout and jump out the seat, going over to him.

Mj grabs his hand, but he goes right through it. You can see her eyes watering, you can’t remember ever seeing her cry before “Ned, it’s going to be okay” she says. “I- i feel weird” Ned spoke. You both lift him out the chair, but it’s too late. The last bit of him had flown away.

“Oh god” Mj spoke, looking at her own hands, she was fading away as well. You grabbed her shoulders, both of you in tears at this point “Mj you can’t leave me, okay? That’s not how this friendship works. Your to stubborn for this bullshit” you spoke through sobs.

Mj’s knees buckled under her and you fell with her. As soon as her lower legs touched the ground she was gone. You didn’t know what to do, your best friends and vanished in front of your eyes. Like you were on autopilot, you grab your phone from your pocket and click the phone icon.

‘P.B Parker’ you click the call button and it goes straight to voicemail

“Please leave a message after the tone”

‘beep’

“Peter. Ned and Mj vanished into thin air and i don’t know what to do. Your usually the logical one and- fuck Peter why did you leave. I’m so scared and all i can think about is how you told me you loved me on the bus, you really know how to make an exit”

as you spoke you saw your hand beginning to fade as well “shit- I love you too Peter Parker” your boyfriend would never hear that message.

☼-☪-☼

titan (sorry in advance)

Peter Parker clung onto Tony “I don’t wanna go” he kept repeating like he could convince the stones to let him stay.

“I don’t wanna go Mr. Stark”

“Please”

Peter fell, taking Tony with him “Y/n- find her and make sure she’s alright please. I should have stayed with her- i-” Peter was choking on his words “I’ll find her kid” Tony assures him and Peter cracks a small smile, before looking Tony in the eyes.

“I’m Sorry”

and the universe lost Spider-man

☼-☪-☼

23 days later

“It’s been 23 days since Thanos came to earth” Rhodey spoke as pictures of the avengers and other people related and were blipped flashed on the screen. “world governments are in pieces and parts that are still working are trying to take a census and it looks like he did-”

Natasha stopped speaking for a moment “he did exactly what he said he was going to do. Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures” as Nat spoke Tony saw Peter’s face and quickly looked away “Where is he now, where?” he asked.

“We don’t know, he just opened a portal and walked through” Steve replied, leaning against a table. Tony sighs, a bitter smile on his face before his head turns to see Thor sitting away from the rest and points at him “What’s wrong with him?”

“uh he’s pissed. He thinks he failed, which of course he did, but you know there's a lot of that going around ain’t there” Rocket chimes in, sitting on the floor. “Honestly, until this exact second i thought you were a build-a-bear” Tony says, point at Rocket.

“Maybe i am”

“We’ve been hunting Thanos for three weeks now. Deep space scans and satellites and we got nothing.” Steve admits to the room before looking at Tony “Tony you fought him” he adds. “Who told you that?” Tony asked, holding onto his robe.

“Your a fighter”

“No he wiped my face with a planet while the bleaker street magician gave away the store. That's what happened. There was no fight.” Tony corrected. “Okay” Steve nods, noting Tony’s agitated behaviour. “Did he give you any clues, any coordinates, anything?”

Tony shakes his head “Pfft! I saw this coming a few years back. I had a vision. I didn't wanna believe it. Thought I was dreaming.” he says. He was starting to act like a child. Steve sighs “ Tony, I'm gonna need you to focus.” he says, trying to calm him down.

but Tony’s anger was already bubbling up and ready to boil over “and I needed you. As in past tense. That trumps what you need. It's too late buddy. Sorry. You know what I need?” he asked, standing up from the table. He reaches into robe and pulls out a camera and a cellphone. “I need you too watch this and listen”

“What is this?” Steve asked, looking at the tables contents. “Oh you know just some things i asked Happy to grab from Peter’s apartment. Let’s have a look shall we?” Tony said. Everyone in the room looked tense at the mention of his name.

“Friday play the video on the screen” Tony instructs as he steps back. Everyone turns towards the screen and the first thing they see is Peter, laying on his bed with a smile. He turns the camera and shows you peacefully sleeping on his chest, wearing his shirt.

“Peter if your recording me, i’m going to break that camera” okay maybe you weren’t sleeping. The camera is placed on his chest “You uh- looked cute” he spoke and you shook your head, leaning up to kiss him, it only lasting a couple seconds. “Friday pause” Tony says.

“Why are you showing us this?” Steve asked, but his questioned went unanswered. “That right there is Y/n L/n. B to C student at Midtown high, only child and all that. She was also the kid’s girlfriend for three years. He told me to find her and i did”

“Friday play the security footage outside of Steamin’ mugs cafe” Tony says, Friday replying with a ‘yes boss’ before the footage of you crying on the phone before you vanished into nothing. Natasha looked away, having see that too much for her own good.

“I’m kinda happy for her. At least i didn’t have to tell her i watched him turn to dust in my arms, but you know i got here the last thing she said to him. It’s a real tear jerker. Wanna listen?” Tony says, going over to grab Peter’s phone off the table.

“You made your point Tony” Rhodey says. Tony turns to Steve once again “ I said, ‘we'd lose’. You said, ‘We'll do that together too’ and guess what, Cap? We lost and you weren't there. This is what we lost. This is who we lost. You didn’t know her, but it matters. It matters is because they’ll never see each other again ”

☼-☪-☼

five years later

(Kody’s endgame so no death lmao)

everyone was in front of the destroyed base. Thanos was gone and everyone was still around to see it happen (i wish). Doctor Strange has just finished returning everyone to where they belong. “I must say i did not think we would win” he admits.

“Thanks for the optimism buddy” Rocket says, looking up at him. Peter stood up from the rumble he sat on “I need to see someone, can you bring her like- here?” Peter asked Strange, who already knew who he was talking about because- it’s Doctor Strange what do you expect?

he nods and backs away to do his thing.

☼-☪-☼

you took a large gasp of air as you saw light. What happened? Didn't you just vanish? It was only a second ago. You look around and see people staring at you strangely. “Aw damn my head hurts” you heard Mj groan. You instantly tackle her to the floor “and now it hurts more”

“Yeah cry about it i just saw you vanish”

“I’m here too, ya know?” both of you turn to see Ned and the hug became a group tackle as you both smiled and embraced each other. That was until you were pulled into a orange portal out of nowhere. You end up facing a bunch of rubble and debris.

“What the fuck?! I’m so tired of the super magic bullshit!” you shout.

you turn your head and see a couple of avengers like Captain America, Thor, Hulk, and thor stare at you. You already met Tony. “Hi Mr. Stark’ you say, raising your hand for a awkward wave. Tony smiles and gestures his hand to Peter who was standing, in a new suit might you add and a nervous smile.

you didn’t care much for embarrassment after that and ran towards him, practically leaping into his arms “I’m back” he says, digging his head into your shoulder “Yeah no shit, you went to space you dumbass. I think i called you a hundred times or until my phone died”

Peter let out a breathy laugh as his arms tightened round you “I’m sorry,no more space okay? Just you and me on earth. ” he suggests and you nod “Yeah i like that. About what you said on the bus by the way” you let go a bit to look up at him.

his nervous, shy stature set in quickly “What uh- what about it?” he asked, hoping for a good answer. “i love you too dork” you smile and he sighs “Oh thank god. I was about to dust away again’ he says and you whack him in the arm “What?” he asked, slightly hurt.

“Too soon Peter” you explain and he nods “Right” he says and a silence falls on both of you. Was he going to do anything “Oh my god- Kiss her!” Tony yells from behind you both. Peter’s face flushes in slight embarrassment before he shrugs, grabbing your face.

you both share a sweet kiss, long overdue by the amount of time spent apart. Even if it was just two days and five years to everyone else. Both you and Peter end up spending weeks together, alone just cause you could. You made Peter promise no more space trips and he begrudgingly agrees.

a girl with two much attitude and a boy who was too shy somehow managed up the nerve to talked to said girl. They were polar opposites and some would say completely different people, but they managed to fall in love and make it through anything.

who wouldn’t want love like that

☼-☪-☼

Click here to join my Taglist!

@sonbelleame @hel-viti @loudbluepancake @vmame

☼-☪-☼

Kody- i haven't slept yet and i pulled this plot out of my ass. It’s 8am and i’m going to go pass out. Anyways, peace.

65 notes · View notes

rosyk · 3 years

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I’ll never love again

pairing: bang chan x reader genre: angst warnings: none, some cussing word: 1.4k a/n: I tried to make it as short as possible because I’m used to very long wattpad ffs. This is my very first published story tho so it isn’t real good. I’m new to tumblr but I just wanted to share a bit of my one shots. Hope you enjoy!

I just got off from practice which is why I am feeling so exhausted. Typically in times like this, the only cure would be you. But before all my thoughts turns to actions, I stopped. For the very first time, I hesitated looking your way. I hesitated approaching you. Where did everything go wrong? We’ve been dating for several months but why can’t this pain inside me leave? It felt as if I was devoured by the numbness inside me and the thoughts rambling on and on inside my mind. We were supposed to be fine until the end, what happened to all that? I know it was hard for you to let me move on from my past. I know it was hard for you to show me that I could love again. You made me feel as if after all the heartbreaks, you were finally the one. You made my day go brighter but now all I could see is the colors slowly fading. Were you tired of me when you said years ago that you wouldn’t? Were you annoyed when you said you would never be? Or were you falling out of love when you showed me the meaning of forever? I know feelings do change. But since when were promises made to be broken? It all started at the sidewalk in Cheonggyecheon Stream. I was crying, sitting at the stairs very late at night, feeling so heartbroken. And yes, that was the exact spot where you found me. You tried to cheer me up and I was very embarrassed because someone witnessed how vulnerable I am. Weeks later, we’ve been meeting in different places which I described as “creepy” and even labeled you as a stalker. You laughed it off and took the opportunity to ask whether I wanted to chill with you near the coffee shop. As unrealistic as it may seem, even after the harsh break-up I had faced, even after some guys tried to ask me out, you were the only one among them who made me want to love again. Perhaps, I was too naive. And now here I am in front of your dorm. The rest of your members had gone out so I decided to continue my routine. I took a deep breath before entering your music studio/room. I saw you in your favorite chair, talking to someone on the phone. You seemed “happy”, happier than you could ever be with me. You were too caught up with the conversation that it took several minutes before you had noticed me. Waiting was very much a pain pushed in. Your gaze met mine and as usual, I masked everything with a facade that everything is okay, when it clearly isn’t. I know you’re getting annoyed of me, though that isn’t the reason why we slowly drifted apart. “Chan, I’m back!” I beamed a smile and you gave a slight nod in response. It was pretty much awkward as I sat on a different chair. This silence was the loudest thing I’ve ever heard. “Why are you here again?” You wearily sighed and emphasized the last word in the sentence. I bit my lip trying to calm myself down as my throat dried. This is fine, I could get used to it and much better then. “I was needing your comfort” I giggled in a low volume and fiddled with my fingers nervously as you gave me a silent treatment. My eyes roamed around the room and decided to talk it out. “Was it Jeon Hana?” Jeon Hana was the girl you’ve been working with your music lately. You’ve been on secret collaborations and projects with her. You described her as someone who could make you produce the right vibe and melody when I couldn’t. Someone who had the same passion and goal as yours, when I don’t. It was starting to get late but you were finally done producing. You walked me back to home looking forced to do so. We walked past the street and I decided to kill the tension. “Oh, remember this place?” I tugged your black jacket and pointed at the stairs. I showed you an eye smile as your eyes look slightly surprised.

“Wasn’t this where we went on a little date?” And that was it. We never went on a date here because you didn’t want to. I lowered my head down, as I took a big deep breath before I continued walking and leaving you behind. I didn’t even look at you for a moment.You tried to call my name and tried to approach me but stopped on your tracks once I turned and forced myself to stop crying. You hate to see me cry, afterall. “You’re tired of me aren’t you?” You were left surprised after those words left my lips. Even I, myself didn’t know I was capable of confronting you. Everything, was just too much and I was on my limit. “You like Hana, don’t you?” I slowly walked back to you and smiled a bit to at least lift myself up. It was not effective as tears rolled down my cheeks. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t-“ I cut his sentence of as sudden realization hits me. “Oh, of course you don’t. You were just too absorbed with your music” I licked my lips trying to cool myself off as I continued speaking “You don’t love her but love the fact she gives you the right taste you need in that shitty passion of yours” I wasn’t stuttering but my tone raised as I gave up and showed you how vulnerable and weak I am once again. Everything was played like the past, except the part that it was now you who I was crying over. “Everything was fine before. You made me hope for something I wasn’t supposed to feel but now you’ve broken it. I gave you my time and my trust but why does it turn out like this?” My voice was cracking but I wanted to speak up “Why did you make me hopelessly try to pull the one-sided us you made me feel? Was it because I was never good enough to catch up with you or maybe just your ambition being much stronger than me?” I waited for your response. Again, a silent treatment. You wanted to speak up as your breath shakily tried to pick up the right words. It started to rain heavily yet you haven’t still answered. “Fuck, chan. I’m looking like a whole idiot here!” I screamed to fight the sound of the rain and made sure my words were heard. Tears non-stop came out in the least moment I would’ve wanted it to. “I shouldn’t have trusted you…” “Yes, it was true I was annoyed with you.” Your sentence struck through me to the point I wanted to run away. “I was too caught up with the thoughts of me not being able to produce songs unlike the past. I thought that maybe you weren’t the right girl who could show me the song I wanted to produce. But I loved you and had never thought of breaking up with you” your voice was shaky and that was when I knew it was a first to see you cry like this. It was a fucking painful view. “But I love you, and that’s the problem” I halted for a second and continued “You loved me, but I still do. You loved me but my love for you is stronger. You loved me, but there’s a limit, it expires” I looked at you in the eye and you did to me as well. You realized what I was about to say. “Please don’t, I promise I’ll fix this” you softly cried out while you held my hand, gently caressing it despite your shaking. “We can’t be going on like this if I’m the only one trying to figure things out. We can’t if we have different goals set in life. We can’t if we had given up fighting an obstacle in our relationship. Maybe, this wasn’t just it. It wasn’t bound to happen. Maybe, it isn’t fate.” I walked back to my house but made sure you know what I wanted to say beforehand. “Thank you Chan. I hope you find the one you’ve been looking for.” “Thank you, take care” You mumbled as you held your hands and felt the guilt. And that, was the last relationship I got myself into as I promised to never love again.

55 notes · View notes

forever-rogue · 4 years

Text

Honey & Velvet - Part 10 (Finale)

A/N: Hello friends! The time has come for our little conclusion to this story. I’m so glad so many of you liked it so much, it really means the world! I hope you enjoy, and as always, feedback and comments are welcome! xx

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x Reader

Word Count: 3.9k

Warnings: fl*ff

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

Black lace and velvet.

It was almost laughable as you studied your reflection in the long, golden gilded mirror. The lingerie was almost too much, even for you, who had acquired which a collection of various pretty little pieces by this point. But you'd picked these number specifically for this occasion, knowing that it would pique Max's interest. You were excited to show him later, having teased him all week about a special surprise.

Leaning against your desk, you drummed your fingers against the small stack of Polaroids. They were freshly developed and ready for delivery to the man himself. Grabbing the camera that you stored in your office for handy times such as these, you returned it to its spot in your wardrobe, locking it safely back up.

You slipped back into your chair and and pulled a manila envelope from the top drawer, reaching for the pictures. Before sliding them in and sealing it tightly, you grabbed your personal favorite and pressed a dark red lipstick print on it. You had always been a little on extra before, but now, having been with Maxwell this long, you were all about being extra. Why not? The two of matched each other and it worked well, you were happy, truly happy.

Putting everything inside, you securely sealed it, and scrawled his name in elegant, slanted writing on the front. This was going to be some surprise, one you hoped he wasn’t expecting, and one you hoped that he would enjoy. Grabbing your dress from the back of your chair, you quickly slipped it on, along with your heels before walking out of your office to find Adina.

She was reading over some reports, but stopped instantly when she saw you standing over her with a sheepish little grin on your face. She took her glasses off of her face and pinched the bridge of her nose before letting out a sigh. If you didn’t know her as well as you did, you would have easily believe she was annoyed, but luckily you knew better. Sticking the envelope directly in front of her, you leaned against her desk and as she met your eyes and rolled them dramatically.

“You know I love you, right?” you put on a sing-song voice as you leaned in front of her and offered her your sweetest, most honeyed smile, “and you’re the most amazing person ever-”

“Of course I know that,” she leaned back in her chair as she studied the envelope, “now, what do you need? As if I didn’t already know...”

“Can you please, pretty please with cherries on top, deliver this to Maxwell? ASAP?” you pouted your dark red lips at her, offering up your most innocent doe eyes, “it’s...very important.”

“I’m sure it is,” she almost snorted with laughter as she picked up the special delivery and gingerly felt it up, “is this what I think...”

“Probably so, but that is for me to know and you never to find out,” a light blush bloomed in your cheeks as you turned away for a moment, “I’ll owe you big time. I promise I will make it up to you!”

“You better,” she agreed, standing up and grabbing the envelope, tucking it securely into her purse, “making me run around and deliver this filth!”

“Thank you!” you quickly pulled her into a hug as she just laughed at you, “you’re the best. And it’s tasteful filth!

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” she joked, a knowing little smile on her face because if you thought this was some surprise, you wouldn’t believe what was yet to come, “I’ll be back soon. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to some actual work done?”

“If you insist,” you sighed dramatically before walking back to your office as she headed off to Max’s. You closed your door, letting out a small squeal of delight before sitting back down. You already glanced at the phone, before chastising your over-eagerness; it would have been impossible for him to already have the photos and be calling. But there was still an exciting, wicked rush tingling through your veins as you anticipated his call.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Mr. Lord?” a timid knock came at his door as he rolled his eyes, looking up from the papers he was skimming over, and telling them to come in. His assistant, still as timid as ever, came in with a nervous expression, clutching something tightly against her chest, “this just came for you...it was a special delivery.”

“What on earth could be considered a special enough delivery for you to interrupt me? I told you I was extremely pressed today - I have work that must be done before I leave for my vacation,” he realized how harsh he must have sounded as the young woman’s face dropped slightly and she hung her head. He cursed himself internally as dropped his pen and held his hand out, “I”m sorry, I’m just very busy. You did nothing wrong.”

She nodded in acknowledgement before giving him the envelope and heading back towards the door as he murmured a small thank you. He wasn’t perfect, far from it, just as most people were, but he was working on it, working to be more gentle and not as quick to anger.

Grabbing his golden letter opener, he undid the seal, a grin crossing his features when he recognized your hand writing on the front. Reaching in, he pulled out the contents in a single, fluid motion, easily figuring out what it was. His breath hitched in his throat as he skimmed through the stack of photos.

“Exquisite,” he whispered under his breath as he studied them in turn. He could quickly tell that this was a new piece that you were sporting. He bit the inside of his cheek as he tried not to completely lose it in the middle of work. But your little present was making it increasingly hard to focused and not focus on you, or barging into your office and having you every which way. He had aimed on finishing work early to come and get and surprise you with a trip. He’d personally planned out a two weekend holiday to Greece, ready to sweep you off your feet and surprise you.

Noticing all the papers on his desk, he gave them a dismissal look before almost yanking his phone off the receiver and dialing your direct line.

You had been so focused on the reports you were pouring over that the loud ringing of the phone almost startled you out of your seat. Considering ignoring it for a moment, you gave it an annoyed glance, but when you realized that your wishes might have come true, you let out a long breath before picking it up. Trying to keep a normal, even tone, you politely answered with a soft, “hello?”

“Hello darling,” Max’s warm, rich voice immediately reached your ears and you relaxed at the sound. You wrapped the cord around your finger as you leaned back in your chair, and rested your feet on the desk. You could just picture him doing the exact same thing as you bit your lip, “I received your little...surprise. Is that little number new? It’s absolutely gorgeous.”

“Happy anniversary, my love,” you were practically grinning from ear to ear as you imagined him looking through the photos you had taken plenty of time to perfect, “I hoped you liked them. And yes, it is brand new...I saw it and thought it would be a nice treat. Wait until you see it in person, it’s all velvet and soft, but just I think you’ll like what’s underneath even better.”

“You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” you could hear him flipping through the photos on his end as he let out an amused sigh, “they’re wonderful, I should really put them up in my office to display. Imagine how jealous everyone would be.”

“Maxwell! You wouldn’t dare!”

“Don’t worry,” he was laughing, and you just imagine the smug little look on his face, as you tried to picture someone walking in and seeing the very scandalous photos of you, “these are just for me. I’ll keep them safe and sound.”

“For your use,” you felt bold as you tapped your fingers along on the edge of your desk, “for when we can’t be together for whatever and you need to...find some release.”

“You little minx,” he sighed contently as you grinned to yourself, “happy anniversary to you, my darling. How’s work treating you today?”

“Boring,” you admitted, “terrible. It’d be so much better if you were here, and not just because I’ve been thinking about you fucking me in my office all morning. And I want to know what this little surprise is that you have planned!”

“If I told you, that would ruin the whole point of it being a surprise,” he had a point, but you didn’t want to admit it just yet, “you will see soon enough...I’ll be there to pick you up at five, just like I promised.”

“But that doesn’t tell me anything, Max,” you hoped he could sense your pout though the phone. His little surprise could literally have been anything; with Max, you never knew what to expect. While driving you slowly mad, the number of possibilities of what it could be left you feeling as excited as a child, “can I at least get a hint?”

“Hmm,” he mused thoughtfully for a moment as you were metaphorically leaning on the edge of your seat, “I don’t think I can do that...terribly sorry.”

“You don’t sound sorry at all,” you sighed dramatically, “are you really going to make me wait until this evening?”

“I’m afraid so,” there was no way he was going to budge and you knew there was no point in pushing him. He was as stubborn as a mule when he wanted to be, “I’ve got to go and finish some work, darling. But I just had to stop and thank you....you look lovely as ever. I’ll see you this evening.”

“Fine,” you reluctantly agreed, “I’ll see you this evening, Maxwell. I’ll miss you until then.”

“It’s only a few hours,” he promised, “you won’t even notice. Just be prepared.”

“Goodbye Max,” you slowly hung up the receiver, trying to figure out what his surprise could possibly be. It was going to bug and nag you until you could figure it out or knew exactly what it was.

Little did you know that almost everyone knew what Maxwell’s plan was. Even Adina was in on it, having been roped in by Maxwell to pack your bags and have everything ready for you to leave on vacation that evening. She’d gone into your apartment when you’d been staying at Maxwell’s, utilizing her spare key and putting it to good use. You’d been so busy and wrapped up with everything that you hadn’t even noticed that anything out of place or missing from your closet. Your packed back was already with his, waiting to be used for your trip.

»»————-　♡　————-««

You took a look around your office and let out a triumphant little sound. Needless to say, you'd been busy all afternoon, keeping your hands and mind occupied for the last several hours. It just wasn't anything extremely productive...not really anyway. You hadn't finished your entire workload for the week, making the executive decision to pass some of it along to your subordinates; luckily it wasn't anything terribly complicated or time consuming, just busy work that you couldn't focus on.

Instead, you'd spent the afternoon cleaning and reorganizing your office. Everything was clean and pristine, put away and perfectly organized. You'd held out hope that Max might still somehow make an appearance to surprise you, but he never came. You tried not to let it bug you, but there was still the little bit of disappointment that lingered.

Luckily, the close of business had come around and now all you had to do was wait for Maxwell. Perching on the corner of your desk, you swung your legs back and forth as you stared at the slowly sinking sun.

A knock sounded at your door before it was slowly opened and Maxwell poked his head inside. You slipped off of the desk and almost ran over to him, pulling inside and throwing your arms around him, "Max!"

It took a moment for him to respond, so stunned he was almost bowled over. But he returned your hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you as he crashed his lips onto yours. He kissed with such urgency and passion that you refused to pull apart from him until you were breathless.

"Hi," he gave you his best megawatt smile as he touched your cheek, which you eagerly leaned into. You were like a keening cat and he was your sun, "now I can wish you a happy anniversary in person."

"You're here," you kissed the side of his hand, "that's what matters. I've missed you."

"You saw me last night, honey..."

"I know," you confessed, tugged on his lapels and pulling him along with you closer to your desk. You'd kept it cleared off for a specific reason after all, "but I still missed you."

"I'm afraid I'm going to disappoint you," he said as you tugged on his tie to bring him back to your lips. You stopped and shook your head at him before attempting to kiss him, but he artfully dodged your advances.

"What?" you huffed at him as sighed lightly, attempting to pull further back from you, "you suddenly don't want to kiss me? You definitely weren't saying that last night or a few moments ago...”

"I do want to kiss you," he was insistent as he put his hands on the sides of your face, cradling it delicately as a thumb brushing over your cheekbone, "trust me-"

"Well, you're not certainly providing evidence to support that," you gave him your best puppy dog eyes and he did his best to try resist. You knew it was one of his weaknesses, hell every part of you was his weakness.

"Sweetheart-"

"I thought you loved me, Maxwell," you were being melodramatic and over the top, but hell, you didn't care at this point. He'd been on your mind all day and there was nothing more you wanted then him. Throughout the day you'd grown needier and needier, all sorts of wild thoughts running through your mind as you did your best not to break down and touch yourself. No, that you were saving just for Maxwell. And knowing he wasn't in the mood, or something, for whatever reason was putting a little damper on your parade, and that was putting it lightly.

Max's dark eyes were locked on you with such intensity that you almost grew nervous as you tried to decipher his thoughts. Pushing all of his buttons was going to lead to something after all; you'd done it before, plenty of times in the past, just get a rouse out of him. It worked basically every time, and it gave you both what you wanted in the end.

When he was silent for a few long moments, you swallowed the lump in your throat, almost ready to apologize for being a brat. Almost.

But before you could even think about saying anything, Maxwell crashed his lips onto yours in a searing, passionate kiss that instantly knocked the breath from your lungs as your hands found purchase on his shoulders and his much larger ones went to your waist. He didn’t even give you a moment to react, trying to assert his dominance in a mess of tongue and teeth as he kissed as hard as he could. This was exactly what you had been waiting for all day. The way his lips felt against yours, how sweet he always tasted, and how perfect his body felt against yours, it all created a perfect harmony that left your body buzzing.

You reached for one of his hands and slowly started to push it under the hem of your dress, silently encouraging him to touch you.

Gods, if only you knew how much he desired to touch you. It was hard to keep his mind focused on anything all day, especially once he'd received your pictures. He had been almost desperate to touch himself, to let him self come undone to the wildest fantasies he had of you. But he had refrained, something the Maxwell of yesteryear would never have done. Instead he focused only on work, getting it done and out of the way so he could come to you. Then he'd have nothing but all the time in the world to spend with you, touch you - everything. It had been difficult, immensely so, an almost insurmountable task, but he managed to do so. Maxwell Lord was desperately in love with you, and he knew nothing would compare to waiting until you could finally be alone and be together.

Just...not right now.

Because almost as soon as it had started, it stopped, and Maxwell pulled back from you, his breathing ragged and eyes wild. You narrowed your eyes before lightly shoving at his chest, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

"Maxwell!" you almost groaned with how frustrated you were, "you cannot just come into my office, with this hot and cold act, kiss me like that and then just stop!"

"Honey..."

"No! Don't honey me, mister! It's our anniversary, shouldn't we be spending it together?" you sighed as you sat back down on your desk, "are you breaking up with me? I gave you scandalous photos of myself...and tasteful nudes, you fool!"

"Honey-"

"You didn't even get me flowers or anything," okay, now you were just acting like a spoiled child and you knew it, "n-not that I need them or should expect them, I don't mean it like that, but it's our one year anniversary, and I thought it would be special..."

"I didn't get you flowers on purpose-"

"Oh?! So you purposefully didn't get me flowers?" might as well through yourself a pity party now and get it over with.

"Honey, will you just listen to me for a minute?" his tone was sharp and firm, a quality he almost never adopted with you, unless the time called for it. Crossing your arms over your chest, you looked at him with a raised eyebrow, waiting for him to continue on. He stood in front of you and grabbed your hands, bringing one to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to your knuckles. His voice suddenly shifted to be soft and docile, "the reason I didn't get you flowers is because you wouldn't have been able to enjoy them. You would have had them one afternoon and then they would have stayed here and died."

"What...what do you mean?" you definitely weren't following his line of reasoning.

"I have a surprise for you, all planned out, and we need to leave," he glanced at his watch and noted the time, "very soon so we aren't late."

"A surprise? Late? I-I don't follow..."

"We're going to Greece for the next couple of weeks," he finally revealed as your jaw dropped open in surprise. You definitely hadn't expected this, not by any means, "I have it all planned out a surprise for our anniversary. You said you've always wanted to go, so I figured now is the perfect time."

"We're...going to Greece?" your eyes were wide with excitement as he nodded. Internally, you were squealing with delight, "but what about-"

"Everything's been arranged, darling," he promised as you stood up to throw your arms around him, "Adina helped and has your bags packed already. Everything's in the car and all we have to do is go to the airport and catch our flight. And we need to do that soon if we don't want to miss it."

"Maxwell," you wrapped your arms around him and held on as tightly as possibly. You had never expected anything like this, or even anyone to go out of their way to do something like this for you, "I don't even know what to say besides thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for," he promised, giving the side of your head a delicate kiss, "I'm just happy that you're excited."

"I'm terribly excited," you admitted, "I can't even begin to tell you! I'm just...I'm sorry I acted like a..."

"A brat?" he teased as you gave him a sheepish nod, "I...understand your frustrations. Trust me, if we had the time right now, I would have taken you already. You look stunning, and knowing what's underneath, and that little stunt you pulled with the pictures today? It's proving to be quite challenging."

"So you did like them?" a blush bloomed in your cheeks as he nodded.

"I loved them," he stated, "but for now, we must go. Paradise awaits."

"Maxwell," he looked at you like he could easily read your mind and see right into your soul, understating exactly what you were saying without having to say anything.

"How would you like to join the mile high club?" he asked as you grabbed your bum and have it a firm squeeze. You made a small sound of surprise as he took your hand and started to lead out of the office. He had known exactly what you were thinking.

"I would love that," you grinned at him, already thinking of all the possibilities, "and you know what else? I love you, Maxwell."

"I love you too, sweetheart," he agreed, "I love you too."

»»————-　♡　————-««

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#maxwell lord #maxwell lord x reader #max lord #max lord x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #ww84 #ww84 fanfiction #reader insert

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adonis-koo · 5 years

Note

So I was on PornHub(tmi) and I was watching this video from feelgoodfilth i think and it was this audio titled Daddy overstimulates your clit and I just thought of Tease!JK. Like tbh, I didn't find the audio sexy just cause of the fact that if it is not steamy, sensual, and in the moment, i'm just •_•. But if you listen to it, the words were ff worthy to me. So getting to the point ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵃᵗᶜʰ ᵗʰᵉ ᵛᶦᵈ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ᵃ ᵈʳᵃᵇᵇˡᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵀᵉᵃˢᵉᵎᴶᴷ ᵃⁿᵈ ᴹᶜ ᵇᵃˢᵉᵈ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵃᵘᵈᶦᵒ ᶦᶠ ⁿᵒᵗ ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᶜᵒᵒˡ ᵐʸ ᵈᵘᵈᵉ ᴷ ᵗʰᵃⁿᵏˢ⁻

I really just searched pornhub like it was youtube all in the name of writing, if this ain’t thriving Chief then idk what is- also his words were highly ff worthy but the growling??? he sounded a little possessed at one point??? I fucking CRACKED up when he started growling at the end HAHAHA

Unedited like I was sleep deprived and theres probably a lot of typos but it’s straight up filth so-

Pairing: tease!Jungkook/Reader

Genre: S M U T

1 or 2k ish??? srry a drabble just wasn’t gonna cut it chief

Tags: heavy daddy kink OwO, toys, edging, orgasm denial, lots of teasing, overstimulation, forced orgasm, a little breath play, slight sir kink, and a whole lot of filthy talk

——

You swallowed thickly at the pastel pink silks Jungkook held in his hands, his legs straddled over your body, cheeks red and unable to fully look at him making a laugh bubble in his lips, “Why the scared look babydoll? You’ve been such a good girl you wanted this, right?”

With quivering lips you parted them briefly, eyes meeting his wolfish gaze that store down at you as if ready to eat his prey alive. No words could escape your lips making another confident laugh escape his lips, grabbing your wrists delicately as he pulled them over your head, “You know your safe word babygirl don’t act like an innocent angel when you were begging for my cock earlier.”

His words made you squeeze your thighs together, previous arousal already sliding down your thighs as he expertly wrapped the silk around your wrists, “And you’re already so wet again, you’re making a mess all over the sheets. Did daddy’s cock feel that good?” Your breath hitched as he finished tying your wrists to the bedpost, your body completely bare and on display.

Your nipples were perked from the cold air of the room and your body was beginning to burn from new arousal and anticipation, what you didn’t expect was the harsh sting of a slap against your thigh making you whimper as Jungkook pressed his tongue into his cheek, “I asked you a question babydoll, did you like daddy’s cock?”

Letting out a whine you felt embarrassment wash over you as you wiggled, another harsh slap stung over your skin making you yelp, fresh arousal slipping from your already wet cunt at the throb of pain as Jungkook chided, “You’ve been such a good baby all night, don’t ruin it now princess-“ He grabbed your chin forcing you to look at him, “Do you enjoy daddy’s cock? Do you like the way it splits that pretty pussy open?”

Your cheeks were bright red and your lips were quivering at the way his lips twisted into a sadistic smirk, eating up the way your timidity showed, “I-I love daddy’s cock…” You finally whimpered out, thighs rubbing together as the pout twisted on your lips, having been edged all night making you more needy then ever. Jungkook licked his lips, his smirk furrowing at how good his little girl was.

Jungkook grabbed your knees making you jump at the hot touch of his hands, “What a good girl,” his praise was enough to making you wet all over again, his hands pulled open your thighs making you let out a breathy gasp, cunt spread open and on display, glossy and wet just for him. His eyes feasted on the pretty sight making your face burn all over again as you shifted nervously.

“Shh don’t worry babygirl, daddy’s gonna take good care of that little clit,” Noticing your apprehension he gently petted down your sides, calming down your nerves a little as you obediently kept your thighs open, excitement burning in your stomach as he pulled out the vibrator. It was your favorite wand and he knew that all too well, in fact you loved it even more when he was the one using it on you.

Clacking his lips he could sense the change in your demeanor, Jungkook couldn’t keep the small smile from tugging on his lips as he clicked the vibrator on, “Someones a little excited,” he teased, letting the gentle thrum of the wand start at your neck, trailing your throat as he hummed, “Does baby wanna cum?”

Your lips quivered once more as you finally let out a small whine, “Please…”

Snorting a laugh Jungkook trailed the wand down your sternum, patiently circling your breasts as he curved a brow, “You’re gonna have to do more then that to convince me babydoll.”

Feeling him click the vibrator up a setting it consistently thrummed into your stomach, the anticipation nearly killing your body as your back began to arch a little, letting out a breathy plea, “Daddy please…! Please!” Jungkook was teasing your hips now making them buck into the air, your thighs rubbing harshly together at you squirmed.

Licking his lips Jungkook let the wolfish sadism set in his eyes, enjoying the increasingly desperation your voice cracked with and the way your body was beginning to react to his merciless teasing, “You sure you want it on that pretty little clit babygirl?” He asked, a playful tone in his voice making you kick your feet as you nodded.

“F-fuck please!” Your back was beginning to ache from arching and your eyes had snapped shut at the feeling of the wand vibrating so close to your clit, but just far enough away to not feel it, “Please! Please daddy I’ll be good girl- please!” Your hips kept rolling up to meet the wand he cruelly kept away from your soaked cunt.

“Oh I know you will babydoll,” Jungkook chuckled lightly, your eyes were nearly rolling to the back of your head as he lightly placed the vibrator over your clit, pleasure quickly thrumming into your body, “My good little baby, look at that needy little cunt wanting more.” You couldn’t keep your hips still as the rode against the wand.

Your arousal coating it’s silicon surface as you slid so easily against it, friction building in your clit as you let out a shaky moan, “D-daddy- mmm! Feels so good-“ you could hardly form a coherent sentence as he began to move the wand in rhythm with your hips, moving it slightly to hit closer to your sweet spot.

Your body was nearly burning from pleasure as your moans became shaky and cracked, wetness gleaming from the wand as Jungkook turned up its setting once more, a more powerful vibration drilling into your clit as you let out a gasp, “Are you gonna be a good girl and wait for me to let you cum?” Jungkook cooed out watching your hips desperate dragged against the wand, pressing it harsher against your sensitive bud making you yelp.

Your orgasm was ready to wash over your whole body was your eyes began to gloss, trying to keep yourself from cumming, “D-daddy! Please! Please I’m so close let me cum! Daddy please!” Your hips were beginning to shake as you tried to keep them still, Jungkook continued to rub the wand against your little bud making you pull at the silk with a cry.

“Not yet babydoll,” Jungkook purred, his smirk widening at the way your body withered beneath him, little tears dripping down your cheeks at being edged so ruthlessly, moans continually escaped your lips and you couldn’t hold it anymore, just as your orgasm came close to rolling through your body Jungkook pulled the vibrator away, “What did I say babydoll? You don’t cum until I say so.”

A sob had already escaped your lips as tears blurred your vision, apologies escaping your lips left and right as your hips continually bucked into the air in desperate search for a release that would not be found, “Daddy! Please! My clit needs it so bad! So bad! Please.” You babbled out with a sob, body aching in pain for your pleasure.

Jungkook wiped your tears as he cooed out, “I know babydoll but you have to be a good girl if you wanna cum,” You nearly cried again as he placed the shaft of the wand back over your clit, pleasure throbbing more intensely into your abused nub as moans ushered from your lips, “Now be a good girl and wait.” Your body was already intensely burning again, excitement building too quickly and you wanted nothing more then to just let go and cum all over the toy.

“Daddy please…!” you croaked out with a whine, eyes shutting as you tried to keep yourself from making a mess, Jungkook ignored your whines though as he turned the toy up to its last setting, the vibraton almost painfully drilling into your clit making a near scream escape your lips as he pressed it harsher into your clit.

“Go on babygirl, cum.” Your back instantly arched and your breathing became rapidly as your hips stuttered against the toy, moans escaping you left and right as you obediently came, your clit burning in pleasure Jungkook skillfully guided you through your orgasm, your mind nearly numb from the blissful pleasure you had been denied all evening.

Your wrists were beginning to ache at your continual tugging at the silks, your back arched as you whimpered, “Mmm! Fuck- fuck! Fuck! Daddy! Mmm!”

“Good girl baby, such a good girl,” His praise was enough to make you let out another string of moans, body coming down from its high and quickly becoming over sensitive, “Now can you be an even better girl for daddy and keep going?” You nearly whimpered at him quickly rubbing the shaft of the vibratior against your clit making you let out a yelp, the thrumming in your little nub making your eyes nearly gloss.

“Daddy…! I- I can’t,” You instantly cried out in objection, your hips only continued in his hands rhythm, unable to stop at your second orgasm quickly building in your body, “It hurts!”

Jungkook let the smirk coil back on his lips, ignoring your pleas and whines as he continued rocking the toy against your clit making you let out another sob, “Well daddy’s gonna make you then, I think that little clit can handle it. So be a good girl and cum,” His voice held a low growl making you whine, your mind becoming hazy as pleasure began to overwhelm your body, “I said cum you slut.” He growled once more, his free hand slapping down against the side of your thigh.

Pressing the wand roughly into your clit making you jump as you strangled out a cry, the orgasm forcing its way into your body as your thighs began to shake, tears rolling down your cheeks as a moaned sob bubbles in your lips, “That’s right baby, keep cumming for daddy,” Jungkook rasped out, his eyes dark and hungry as he pressed the vibrator further into your clit.

“Please! Daddy I can’t! I-I-“ You wheezed at the feeling of his large hand squeezing around your throat, his lips twitching with annoyance as he dragged the toy against your overstimulated nub.

“I don’t care babydoll,” Jungkook growled, his grip on your throat tightening with a squeeze making you gag, your body in complete hazy euphoria as he snapped, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for daddy again.” You nearly yelped at the pressure releasing from your clit only for Jungkook to push it inside you, “How about how baby? No more excuses you’re gonna cum.”

The wet noises were obscene as your walls clenched over the toy, his hand expertly pumping it inside of you dragging it along the spongy sensitive wall of your g-spot as you let out a cracked moan, yanking against your restraints as you gasped, “I- fuck! Jungkook!”

His hand suddenly squeezed tightly against your throat, “That’s not how you address your daddy is it you little brat.” He pressed the toy into your g-spot harshly as you clenched around it, shaky legged as the orgasm forced its way into your body.

Crying you wheezed, “No sir! No sir! Fuck…!” Your mind was completely overwhelmed as you let out another sob, body hyper sensitive to every little movement as Jungkook turned off the vibrator, letting it slip out of you before setting it down. Squeezing your legs shut you let the tears slip from your eyes as you weeped.

Jungkook laughed softly as he undid your restraints, “Shhh, you did so well babygirl,” he wiped your tears before scooping up your body, laying down as he tucked you against him, needly you curled against him as you let the tears drip down your cheeks, still overwhelmed by so many sensations, “You were such a good girl for me,” he cooed out softly, pressing a kiss against your head as he tenderly stroked your back, “Do you want me to put on a cartoon?”

A small, delicate ‘please’ bubbled from your lips but as soon as he shifted to get up you squeezed onto him tighter, frightened of letting go, Jungkook managed to pull out your laptop, typing in its password before putting something on and laying back down. Crawling on top of him completely you let out a sniffle as you buried down against his neck, “Was I really a good girl?” You murmured into his skin.

Jungkook couldn’t help the smile that pulled onto his lip as he looked down at his little crybaby, “You’re always a good girl for me babydoll.” Pressing a chaste kiss against your head once more before he let you unwind eventually falling asleep. You would always be his good babygirl.

#bts #jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader smut #jungkook x y/n #tease #bangtan-yee-01 #missy answers

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cinnamoonsworld · 4 years

Text

A Harsh Meal [Fatgum x chubby fem!reader]

Hi everyone! Before continuing the Aizawa's ff, I wanted to give myself a short story about another pro hero I love so much, Fatgum. What is written comes from my personal experiences and from people I know very well, and I hope everyone in life will find a person like Fatgum in their life <3

Happy reading, see you next week for the new chapters of "Two Worlds Collide"!

You can also find me on Ao3!

Words: 2,666

Trigger Warnings: eating disorders, eventual smut

--------------------------------

You and Taishiro have been together for several years. You met during an attack by a villain who had begun to destroy everything that happened to him without any reason, and you were among the civilians that Fatgum had saved. Unlike all the other people, Fatgum was impressed with your smile when you thanked him for protecting you and all the other people.

For days he had dreamed of your smile and your (Y/E/C) eyes, until he saw you one night while he was on patrol and you were lowering the shutter of a store. He took note of the place and its location, and the next morning he showed up inside your little bakery. He was almost breathless to see you in your work uniform, which included a pastel apron and a dress with a wide 50s skirt.

From that day on, Taishiro began to come into the shop every day and you began to become, as time went on, more and more intimate. Sometimes he would come there with two shoulders of his own, Tamaki and Kirishima, and he would never fail to list the whole menu by heart and say how good everything was. You started to make sweets just for him, inspired by his character.

One day he did not come to see you. Initially you did not worry, thinking that he would pass later in the day. When you closed, you went to his agency to ask if anything happened to Fatgum. His secretary informed you that he had been hospitalized following a raid that he and other heroes had carried out that morning.

You got the name of the hospital, and you went straight to the bakery to make her favorite cupcakes, the Oreo's one. You were upset that Taishiro was in a hospital bed alone, without you beside him to lift his spirits.

You rushed to the hospital with a box full of cupcakes. You went to a nurse and showed her the tide of candy you were carrying, and she took you to her room. They were all desperate, because it was from the moment he arrived that all he did was asking for food and that he never stopped being hungry.

"At least, if he asks to eat, it means he’s fine!" You thought feeling a little more relieved.

The nurse let you in the room, and on the bed there was a thin, tall, blond boy who was watching TV and laughing.

You looked at him in a daze, thinking the nurse had taken you to the wrong room.

As Taishiro saw you, his face lit up and he jumped out of bed to hug you. Your doubts passed when you saw him smile: even if he was thinner, that was Fatgum. He almost cried when you showed him the box of cupcakes at the Oreo, and made you promise that at least a couple of them would be saved for Suneater and Red Riot, who were also there.

You went to see him every day with something different to eat, and the nurses were extremely grateful because he was literally draining their kitchen supplies. The longer the days went by, the more he was returning to his giant teddy bear form with which you had known him.

On the last day of recovery, you noticed he was extremely agitated. You were afraid he wasn’t feeling well, and you were going to call the nurse when he came between you and the door and kissed you. It was a long, sweet and exciting kiss. Detaching himself, he looked into your eyes with an expression of pure panic. He was afraid you’d laugh at him or, worse still, that he’d disgust you with his gesture. Instead, surprisingly, you embroider that kiss without hesitation.

From that moment on, you and Taishiro started dating first and then, noticing that it worked and you were both taken by each other, you decided to officially get together. At least three years passed before they decided to move in together. You were both very happy, you were looking forward to cooking for your boyfriend and he was looking forward to coming home to eat what you had prepared for him and to spend time with you. You filled him with food and attention, while he did everything to see you always happy.

Everything was going great until you started having problems with your body. By now you knew that Taishiro, when he used too much strength, dried up and became a sweet and very high muscular boy. He hated being like that, couldn’t work and felt very vulnerable. Needless to say, in that form, it attracted the attention of many girls who were flirting with him shamelessly. It also happened while you were together somewhere, and many times you had heard these girls tell Taishiro to let you lose, because an Adonis like him did not make a good impression to be seen around with "someone like you".

You had never been thin, and you knew it very well. For you your body had never been a problem, and you always liked it the way you are. Taishiro, then, saw you as the representation of a Goddess descended to earth, he found you perfect in everything and everything. He always pointed it out to you, even when you were making love. You were perfect in everything and for everything to him, and he never failed to let you know even with small gestures. Whatever you was wearing, from a tracksuit to a fancy dress, you made him lose his mind.

You began to spend more and more time in front of the mirror, touching your belly or your thighs and finding more and more imperfections. It started out as a few minutes a day until it became an hour or more, and on the worst days you stared in the mirror until you cried because you felt ugly and shapeless. Fat, cellulite or stretch marks: you hated yourself, and you couldn’t find something of yourself that would change your mind.

Even Taishiro had noticed that something was wrong, and he began to notice it when, gradually, you started to eat less and less.

One of the things that made Taishiro one of the happiest men on earth was to share food with you, and he was alarmed to see that you were offering him your leftovers from dinner even though you had eaten only three mouthfuls of what was on the plate.

You started to wear clothes that were getting wider and wider so you could hide your shapes. You were convinced that when you left the house, everyone looked at you and commented on your body. You could feel people’s judgmental looks on you, even though they weren’t even looking at you. When you and Taishiro were out, you were always trying to get as little food as possible. You didn’t want people to judge you for what was on your plate.

Since you started eating less and less, you were always getting tired and in a bad mood. You stopped talking to Taishiro about what was going on at work or what was going on in your head, and sometimes you felt so weak that you didn’t even have the strength to cook. For Taishiro there was no problem, he was more than happy to take away to spend more time with you, but you barely ate something and went to sleep with the excuse that at work had been a hard day and that you wanted to rest.

Finally, you began to think of the worst thing: that Taishiro was only with you because you prepared food for him and that in reality he only felt disgust for you. This little thought slowly began to creep into your head until it became a recurring judgment. You started to really meditate that you were only convenient for food, and you were sure he would run off with a girl much prettier and thinner than you as soon as he had the chance.

Even at work these thoughts did not leave you, and the situation worsened when, a few buildings from your bakery, opened a gym. Every day, in front of the windows, it was a parade of women, young and not, in brilliant physical form and with nothing out of place. They were so happy, so skinny...everything you weren’t, and they’d rub it in your face every single day.

You also stopped eating, and drank only water. Taishiro was increasingly alarmed, you were turning into something that wasn’t you. You started fighting more and more about the food issue, he wanted you to eat but you told him that you were fine and that you had already eaten something at work and so there was no need to stress about these things. He just wanted to help you whatever was going on with you, but you had built a wall between you two.

You didn’t want him to touch you anymore, you thought he was ashamed to go around with you, with a "shapeless being". He deserved a better person, a girl much prettier than you, and that made him look better when they called him to the charity nights.

You were so short of energy, you had trouble getting out of bed. One day, in particular, it seemed to you that even breathing was an inhuman effort. You went to the store early like every morning to start baking. As usual, your mood was under your shoes, and the fight you had the night before with Taishiro certainly didn’t help. The walk you took from your apartment seemed like a mountain hike, even though it was only two blocks away.

You had time to turn on the lab lights that you collapsed suddenly.

Around lunchtime, Taishiro became seriously concerned. Even if you fought a lot, when he wrote to you, you always answered, even if in a cold tone. You didn’t even see the messages that morning, and you didn’t post anything on any social media.

Driven by anxiety, in the early afternoon he went to your shop where he found the half-shutters lowered. When he tried to call you, he clearly heard your phone ring go off, but no one answered. He was getting more and more agitated.

Luckily, when you moved in together, you gave Fatgum a copy of the keys to your club and the lab door in case of need. The lab door was looking at a dead end, and he came in through it.

He had a heart attack when he found you lying on the ground and very pale. He immediately called an ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Taishiro was in the waiting room waiting for some news of yours. He was so agitated that he had not touched food and the feeling of hunger, for the first time in his life, had disappeared.

After several hours, finally, they called him inside to talk to the doctor who was taking care of you, and the diagnosis shocked the hero: malnutrition. You were passed out because you hadn’t eaten anything for who knows how long, and in your stomach they had found no trace of food, only water. You pushed your body so far, you couldn’t take it anymore.

The doctor took Taishiro to your room, and his heart stopped again to see you attached to all those tubes so that you could ingest some nutrient so that your body would not collapse again. He sat down next to you, fondling your hand lovingly. He didn’t understand how all this could have happened, and he was afraid of losing you forever.

He fell asleep next to you, and woke up in the middle of the night when he felt a familiar sensation of a kiss on his forehead. He immediately opened his eyes and almost wept with joy at seeing you awake.

"Cupcake..." He whispered with clear eyes. "You don’t know how happy I am to see you awake..."

"Tai..." you answered with a nervous stomach. "I’m sorry...I didn’t want it to end this way..."

"What happened to you, my love?" asked the blond.

You could barely hold back your tears after that question.

"I hate myself." You finally answered without being able to hold back the crying. "I hate myself Taishiro. I’m horrible, I’m fat. Anything about me disgusts me, and I don’t know how you can be with a freak like me. Those girls are right, Tai. You deserve someone better than me, not someone who makes you look bad."

While you were sobbing, Fatgum was really sad and angry at what you thought of yourself. Of all the things he thought about your behavior change, he never imagined it would be something that would make you suffer so much that you would go so far as to refuse food. He didn’t think even remotely that some girls' comments could hurt you so deeply, and he felt terrible that he had always downplayed it and had always just not listened to them. But not you, you listened to them all too well.

"My sweet cupcake." Tai said, wiping tears from your eyes. "Do you remember the first time I kissed you? I felt terribly stupid. I was afraid you’d turn me down because of my looks. I know perfectly well that I am not perfect, and that when I am in my low-form I am very ashamed...and yet you accepted me as I am. You never let me weigh my physical form, both thin and fat..."

"You’re such a wonderful person that I never cared about your body, my teddy bear." You spoke with a slight smile trying to stop crying.

"And the same goes for you, too, (Y/N)." Fatgum said with a kiss on your forehead. "I love you for who you are and for what you give me every day, your little gestures and how you make me feel happy every day. And I don’t care if you’re skinny or fat, I would love you in all forms of this world."

You felt very relieved to hear those words, and at that moment you realized how much unnecessary harm you had done just because your head was telling you. You embraced each other in silence, a silence full of love and meaning.

In the days of your hospitalization, Taishiro came to see you every day and had literally camped in the hospital. When he had a free moment he would come to spend with you and every night, after having left work, he would rush into your hospital room because it was the part of the day that made him exalt like a child in front of a toy store: Having dinner with you while you told each other what happened to you during the day. You started eating again and God, how you missed the taste of food and talk to Tai. You almost forgot about this feeling of happiness, and you almost cried with joy when you ate together. He wouldn’t even go home to sleep, he’d sit next to you in a chair and watch TV together until you fell asleep on each other’s shoulder.

The day you were discharged, when you returned home, all the colleagues from Fatgum’s agency were waiting for you. They too were very concerned about you, and seeing you smiling and strong again made them very happy. They filled you with flowers and gifts, and when the party was over, when everybody left, you and Tai made love, and you didn’t care if the neighborhood heard you or not. You finally came back, and you had to celebrate. He kissed you from head to toe, to show how much love and veneration he felt for every inch of your being, whispering sweet words to you until, exhausted, you fell asleep hugging each other.

It was nice to be back.

#fatgum x reader #fatgum x you #toyomitsu x reader #toyomistu taishirou x reader #my hero academia fanfiction #boku no hero academia fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #fatgum #toyomitsu taishiro #taishiro toyomitsu #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha #bnha

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xiaomomowrites · 5 years

Text

catch and release

Attack on Titan | Eremika

based off the 119 spoilers

Summary: “You want to talk to me,” Mikasa repeats instead, voice hoarse with disbelief. “Our last conversation ended in tears and a fist fight. Forgive me for feeling shocked at your sudden interest in my wellbeing.” Eren had always been her rock, her ride or die, the very embodiment of home and comfort. And now… well. She wanted to tell herself it was over, that the door was closed. And now, he comes in with his bullshit, forcing her to take a step back from the two she had taken forward.

you can find it on fanfiction.net once I post it lol {mikasa-heichou}

A/N: Alright so I saw the spoilers for 119 and I panicked. In my state of distress, I shit out this fic because I needed something to throw my feelings at. All I know is that Eren literally lost his head and then I saw a spoiler somewhere that Mikasa was injured?? I’m pretty sure it turned out to be fake, but I thought it would add some substance to this piece so I took it and ran lol.

Also! This is the rewritten and edited version of Change My Mind. That was my first fic I ever posted on ff and tumblr, and looking back at it, I saw how much I’ve improved since a year ago. So I took the dialogue of the fight and manipulated it to work well with the different circumstances, and here we are. The end piece turned out to be too different from the original (which I think is good!) so I had to rename it. I hope you enjoy, leave me some love! -u.n.

“Hey.” Eren greets nonchalantly with his face ridden of any emotion. Eren looks far off; his mind is elsewhere but he’s talking to her. Talking to her. After everything that had happened. Mikasa can’t say she wanted it, but she’s not horribly disappointed.

Mikasa looks up from tending to the injury at hand. There are trace amounts of blood on her hands despite her efforts to scrub them clean: pink tinges her fingers like she’s blushing with her whole body, and had the situation been different, it would have been cute. Though, she can’t say that almost losing your life in battle for the millionth time was cute. Looking at him now and seeing that his presence felt like an obligation, she almost doesn’t want to respond. For once, his aura was completely unreadable.

“Eren.”

His eyes darted to her bare neck, taking in the sight of the pale skin that’s covered more often than not. There’s a weird feeling starting in his belly, but he chooses not to pay mind to it. With his newly mastered skill of compartmentalization, the feeling is gone before he can even register what it was.

Eren leans against the door frame, long brown hair pulled back into a bun resting upon his occipital, and gives her a once over. It was a silent way of checking up on her, she thinks, because his eyes zero in on the blood spreading across the white fabric. She squirms under his gaze.

He tilts his chin up and back, gesturing towards her injury.

“You good?” he’s manages to make out. Mikasa’s mind reels at this. At first, she had simply thought he stopped by to grab something from the infirmary, not to chat with her. Besides, these days it seemed as though he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. Her eyes narrowed a fraction and she focused her attention on her lap, something about the fit of her new pants suddenly became very interesting. Mikasa applied pressure to the wound and willed to the highest god Eren to go away before she exploded into an emotion really did not want to entertain.

“Fine,” she replies curtly, “everything’s fine.”

“You’re bleeding a lot.” Eren answers not a second too late, and Mikasa wants to huff in annoyance. He’s being very confusing.

This whole week he hadn’t spared a single glance at her, not having said anything to each other since the incident at the table where he confessed his true feelings. She might have thought that there was more reason for his actions, but lately she’s not sure what to believe at all. He loved them, and Mikasa was so sure of it up until now. He saved her when they were kids, and he didn’t even know her. Why would you spread yourself so thin and go so far as to put your life on the line, to save a girl you only knew the name of? Mikasa would rack her brain for an answer, but every time she tried, it always ended up inconclusive. And she remembers the scarf- of course she remembers the scarf- that stupid, red scarf that she held so dearly to her heart and clung to it for as long as she could. She remembers the comfort it would bring, the anxiety it would soothe, the depression it would hush, until the relic began to induce more harm than good.

Not to mention his relationship with Armin. They were thick as thieves, attached at the hip, practically brothers. Mikasa remembered when Armin woke up after claiming the colossal titan, and Eren had been the one to beat her to him. She remembers how he had flung his arms around his neck and held him close, relieved and emotional to see his best friend alive and well. She remembers the tears forming at the corners of his eyes and the anxiety physically leave Eren’s body when Armin sat up. You can’t fake that, she had concluded, that’s raw emotion.

He loved them.

But that’s it, he loved them, as in past tense. And no matter how much she might have wanted to deny that, his actions definitely backed up his claims. And even in the off chance that Eren really was just putting up a front, why would she want to get involved with all of that after every harsh word he’s thrown at her?

And now, all she had were hypotheticals.

Building up to that moment at the table, Eren had, sadly, disappointed her more times than she could count: insisting they stay at Marley when everyone wanted to go home, getting the corps more involved than they should, having three-hundred and maybe more soldiers killed by Armin’s hand, distancing himself, losing the light in his eyes that used to bring her comfort- Mikasa couldn’t pinpoint when the pain eventually numbed, and she began to expect less and less from him. Yet, no amount of detachment could stop the pain from stabbing her in the chest when he claimed to harbor nothing but hatred for someone who was a mere slave.

So when he waltzes in here with the audacity to check up on the woman he apparently despises- to even bother putting up a front that he cared about her wellbeing- Mikasa is bound to get a little irritated. Mikasa inhales deeply and notices how her chest constricts the closer he gets. She’ll have to tell Hanji about the discomfort later.

Or maybe, that was from Eren being in the room.

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse.”

“Suit yourself.” Eren shrugs, and shifts his feet in a way that makes it seem like he’s about to leave. He begins to shuffle out, barely making it past the door frame before he turns back around, but the tension was too unbearable to not say anything. It sat heavy in the air and suffocated him, and even though Eren had willed himself to create distance between them for both of their sakes, he found himself unable to tear his gaze away from her. He just needed to see that she was alright, even if he had no right to know. But as Eren thought for a fleeting moment that maybe it wasn’t worth rubbing salt in the wound, it was too late to change his mind. The brunet sighs, long and deep, before leaning against the wood. His arms come to cross his chest as he speaks.

“Okay. Let’s talk.”

Mikasa looks up briefly and meets his intense gaze before redirecting her eyes back to her hands. Words could not describe the amount of discomfort she is feeling right now, and the thought in itself pained her more than she’d like to admit. Eren had always been her rock, her ride or die, the very embodiment of home and comfort. And now… well.

“There is nothing to talk about, Eren. I have nothing to say to you.” Mikasa answers evenly. She almost applauds herself for maintaining her composure. Eren frowns, a sign that he was not going to drop the conversation that easily. Mikasa quickly remembers how stubborn he is; the trait is both a blessing and a curse.

“I think you do have something to say to me, otherwise you wouldn’t be fidgeting with your hands like you always do when you’re nervous.” Eren says sharply.

She blinks slowly and wills herself to breathe. “Okay,” Mikasa tries not to let any of her feelings seep through, “I don’t want to talk to you about it.”

“Alright,” she hears Eren huff, “I’m going to ask one more time, and then afterwards you’re not allowed to ask again: what is it?”

Mikasa recoils at his choice in words. Not allowed--

“Is there-” Mikasa chokes. He cannot be serious. The balls on this one. “You wanna ease up a little bit? You come to me, demanding answers, and then you say I’m not allowed to ask again.”

Mikasa watched him move with a look on her face that resembled a mix of disgust and curiosity, but nothing like respect. Eren drags a hand over his mouth and down his chin as he picks up the nearest chair. He’s making a big scene out of this, she knows. Unceremoniously, he drops the chair in front of her bed and straddles it, muscled forearms come to rest on the top of the chair as he looks at her heatedly.

“I want to talk to you to settle this because things haven’t been sitting well with me, either.” Had she known any better, it looked like this conversation was just as painful for him as it was for her.

'I wonder why,' she almost wants to say. But no, she refused to get her hopes up. Mikasa spent the past couple of days telling herself he was living his best life with her out of his hair, that he was able to move on faster than her. She wanted to tell herself it was over, that the door was closed. And now, he comes in with his bullshit, forcing her to take a step back from the two she had taken forward.

“You want to talk to me,” Mikasa repeats instead, voice hoarse with disbelief. “Our last conversation ended in tears and a fist fight. Forgive me for feeling shocked at your sudden interest in my wellbeing.”

Eren swallows. He licks his lips, eyes darting to the left as he composes an answer in his head. “I know that this situation is… unfortunate,” his voice was gruff, “but we’re in Marley, and these are my days in Marley that, one way or another, you’ve agreed to. I’m doing everything I can to work towards our freedom, and honestly, Mikasa, the way you’re reacting to it is unfair.”

“Eren,” she warns, “I don’t think you want to start a conversation with me about what’s fair.” Her shift in tone causes his gaze to harden. “This is way more intense than any of us could have asked for. Sasha died, Eren. I joined the corps because of you. Armin wiped out a whole naval fleet for you.”

Suddenly Eren is shaking his head like she said something that offended him. He holds a hand up to ensure he has the next word.

“You need to understand in case you haven’t yet: everything I do is for a reason. I would never- I would never hurt you like that not- not deliberately without reason, and I-” Eren inhales sharply, pausing to recollect his thoughts. His mind darts to their talk only days before, and reluctantly recalls the utter heartbreak written on her face along with the betrayal painted across Armin’s. Was he wrong to think he can just hit 'undo' on all of this? His chest squeezes. “I am doing everything I can, every week, to bring home something to our people in Paradis-”

“Eren, I- I am trying to make things perfect here,” Mikasa flails her free arm before aggressively pointing down the floor beneath her, “Okay? So that you can have everything that you want-”

“So I’m doing this just for me, is that what this is? I’m doing this just for me.” his words are laced with condescension, dipped in impatience. He leans forward, upset at the turn the conversation had taken, though he can’t say he didn’t expect this. “Mikasa, if that’s what you think, then this is a really sad conversation.” Eren bites, but the woman in front of him doesn’t so much as flinch. By now, she’s used to his temper. She knows it like the back of her hand.

“It wouldn’t be the first.”

Eren sighs, his nostrils flaring from the pot of anger that was boiling in his stomach. But he watches her expression, and something inside softens every so slightly. Despite the facade she’s tried so hard to put up, he can still tell that she’s… sad. “Look, Mikasa, I don’t know what to tell you. Sasha is gone, that moment is gone, but that’s not the first time we’ve seen someone we love die, you and I of all people should know this. So really, there’s nothing we can do about that but see this through. It’s what Sasha would have wanted.”

The mention of Sasha’s death strikes a chord in her. Her heart squeezes at the memory of her late best friend, and the look that spreads across her face depicts all five stages of grief in five seconds. Voice cracking, she says softly, “I don’t know, Eren, maybe you should have been there.”

It’s the most emotion she’s shown on her face today, and Eren knows he’s struck a chord.

Tongue in cheek, he decides to drop the conversation. They seemed to have reached an impasse anyway, and he didn’t come here to fight. Silence falls over the two, and Mikasa realizes only then that the wound’s screams of protest could no longer go unnoticed. She winces, visibly, and only then does Eren take note of her pain. The wound wasn’t even that bad, but it stung enough to demand medical attention. The shifter stands, ungracefully pushing the chair back to where it had been prior.

“I’ll go get Hanji.” he mutters when he’s halfway out the door.

“No,” she stops him. “No. Get Armin.”

Eren says nothing, only pauses to make sure he heard correctly, “Get Armin.” he repeats. His voice is flat and unnamed. The thought of the two together immediately puts an unwelcomed, ugly thought into his head.

“Yep,” Mikasa breaks eye contact applying pressure to the spot that has been annoying her for the past half hour. “Get Armin.”

Eren scoffs, and Mikasa pushes down the inexplicable anger that forces its way up her throat with her full body weight. “Okay, I’ll get Armin.” she hears him mumble under his breath.

Not too long after, Mikasa feels a gentle knock at the door that brings her an odd sense of comfort. Nothing like how she had been feeling moments prior.

“Heyaz,” a gentle, familiar voice greets her. Mikasa looks up, eyes glossy from her conversation with Eren. “You okay?”

She shakes her head, throwing her free hand up and letting it slap down on her thigh in frustration. “What am I doing wrong, Armin?” Mikasa exhales loudly. Armin comes up to kneel in front of her, and she duly noted how his aura is nothing like the aggressive one she had just faced. Instead, Armin brings a hand to cover her own- the one tending to the wound- and slowly pries it off so he can take a look.

“Nothing,” he says. “you’re doing the best you can.”

The blond reaches over and takes more gauze to wrap around the wound, but not after wiping it clean of any excess blood. He applies pressure to the wound before wrapping it smoothly around her body. Subconsciously, she leans into his touch. Armin offers her a light smile.

“Hey,” he cups her cheeks in both hands. “It’s just a tough situation. That’s all that it is.”

Mikasa pouts. “It’s getting tougher.”

“Yeah,” Armin wipes at a stray tear he knows she wouldn’t have wanted to escape, “I know.” Brushing hair away from her forehead, he palms at her nape to bring her head closer to his. Armin presses his lips to her forehead and physically feels the tension leave her shoulders. He coaxes her to lean into his shoulder, and Mikasa takes the opportunity and runs with it. She presses her nose into the crook of his neck and revels in the way Armin handles her delicately.

It was nice to feel protected.

Eren eyes the interaction from where he lingers by the door, his two (former) best friends too wrapped up in each other to notice his presence. His heart sinks into his stomach when he notices how gentle Armin is with her, how he always has been with her, and how he couldn’t seem to give her that.

He sees Armin shift, beginning to pull back, and Eren startles a bit. He really should get going before the others notice he’s been gone awhile, but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from them. He aches all over. It’s not some sharp, immediate physical pain he can identify, no. It consumes him, spreading through his body like a wildfire just by seeing the damage he’s done to the people he loved the most. The silver lining that Eren kept having to remind himself of, however, was that at least they had each other to seek out.

When this was all over, Eren blindly wished, he’d take them both back in a heartbeat. He’d laugh and tell them all about how he hated every second of what he had to do. Hell, he’d even pat Armin on the back for the good punch he threw at him.

That is, if they survived that long. Eren wasn’t stupid, he knows better than to speak for the future.

“Thank you,” he hears Mikasa mutter. She pulls away to lightly press her lips to the blond’s cheek before pushing him by the shoulders, presumably telling him she can take it from there.

“You’ll be okay on your own?” Armin asks.

“Always. And Armin,” she calls him back. “I love you, okay?”

Armin smiles at her sadly and squeezes her hand. “Of course. I love you, too.”

“I just wanted you to know,” she gazes at him, an indescribable look on her face. “We just. We never know, you know?”

He chuckles. “I know.”

The moment is so tender, so sincere, and full of words Eren could never seem to bring himself to say. And oh god he can’t watch-

Eren stalks forward until he’s completely out of sight and leans against the wall. He takes an impossibly deep breath and wills himself to regain his aloof composure before anyone can see him vulnerable.

“Where’s your scarf?” Eren asks her the next day, unable to stay away for too long.

“I… don’t know.”

"You...misplaced it?" He hesitated, afraid of her answer.

"Um, I...yes."

He fiddles with the fabric in his back pocket, pulling it out when he's a comfortable distance. “You really need to keep track of this.” he teases, but she smiles warily at the fabric. Eren easily pinpoints her discomfort, but struggles with a way to confront it without starting anything.

“Eren, where did you…?”

“Uh,” he scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “what’s her name… Louise gave it to me. She said you left it in-” Realization dawns on him, and his face falters slightly. The miniscule amount of confidence minutes before walking in was now gone. “You left it on purpose, didn’t you?”

He looks so sad, Mikasa doesn’t know what to say. She supposes that now it’s her turn to break his heart. “Yes, Eren.”

His posture slouches slightly, looking defeated. He tugs at the frayed edges anxiously. “Why?”

“Eren, that scarf,” she gestures towards the red fabric, “it used to mean everything to me. It brought me comfort and warmth, and it even smelled like you. Thank you for that, really. But ever since you called me a slave…”

“Mikasa,” Eren cringes, face scrunching up as he remembers crying so hard he almost threw up.

“That scarf is a leash.” she continues, resolve strong, “It’s a chain that binds me to you, and that’s all I can see it as now. It’s not the same.”

He sighs, fingers buried into the scarf, “You know I never meant it like that when I gave it to you. That was never my intention.”

“I know,” she reassures him with a pat on the shoulder, and he scolds himself for wanting to be closer when all he’s ever done was push her away. Mikasa smiles at him sadly, “Times change, though. Things change.”

“Well this… sucks.” He groans, embarrassed, but more hurt than ever, at how this was turning out.

Mikasa laughs. It’s been so long since she’s seen his ears tinged red with embarrassment. She reaches out and tugs on it like she used to when they were younger, and revels in the way he winces, but makes no effort to pull away. A wave of nostalgia crashes over them both.

“It doesn’t have to be a sad thing, Eren. You’re free, right? That’s what you’ve always wanted. I’m done.”

The words “you’re free” punched him in the face and called him lonely.

No, Eren’s mind immediately protests. The thought of being free from her felt so inexplicably wrong. So out of character, and that the two of them being together was supposed to be inevitable. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He wanted to reach out and grab her, hold onto her wrist like he’s done before, and keep her close to him. Eren wanted to protect her, put her in his pocket to shield her from all the bad things in the world. But as he looked at her, really looked at her, she seemed to say, “Just so you know, I’m perfectly okay with taking care of myself” without actually verbalizing it. Eren sees how happy Mikasa seems. She’s glowing; an obvious light twinkles in her eyes as she looks at him. Her cheeks seem fuller, posture straightened, an overall healthy vibe radiating off of her. Eren knows, that no matter how badly he wants to hold onto this, he can’t.

He won’t.

“So you don’t want it back…?” he throws the question at her as his Hail Mary, a final attempt, just to say that he exhausted all possibilities.

“No.” Mikasa answers, all traces of finality present. She steps closer to him and covers a warm hand with her own, pushing the scarf back down to his sides. As she begins to pull away, Eren twists his hand free from the scarf to hold onto hers. Her eyes widened in surprise at the contact, but she doesn’t move away. In fact, Mikasa lets him lace their fingers together.

Eren squeezes. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” she offers, “I’m proud of me, too. And so is Armin.”

Eren chortles. “So you and Armin, huh?” his tone teases her, but there’s no trace of malice or jealousy.

“What?” she blanches.

“I mean, it’s great. He’s so good to you. You deserve someone who appreciates you.”

“Oh, no, we’re not- Armin and I aren’t a thing.” she quickly negates the assumption before either of them can entertain the thought any longer. Silence falls over the two once more, no longer filled with tension, but with comfort. The growing tension between them had obviously weighed more on their shoulders than either of them would have liked to admit.

"I miss you.”

The words tumble out of his mouth before he can stop them.

“Oh,” Mikasa cooes and palms at his cheek, “I miss you, too.”

“Then I don’t understand,” he’s scrambling for some kind of purchase on her, “why are we breaking apart?”

Mikasa is quiet for a moment. She bites her lip, pondering, until, “I haven’t had a moment to properly grieve.”

“You don’t have to grieve alone,” Eren adds, “I’m still here.”

“Eren, I have to grieve everything, everything since the day of the Battle of Trost.” she tells him sternly, “There is so much to cope and you know that. I have a lot to undergo before I can be with anyone.”

“Mikasa-”

“But,” she puts her hand up, interrupting him. “I still choose you.”

“...Huh?” he cocks his head, clearly confused by her shift in decisions. “But you just said-”

“It’s one thing to be bonded to you because of my bloodline, Eren, but it’s another to choose you because I love you.”

There it was. Cat’s out of the bag now.

Eren stares at her blankly, dumbfounded. Despite his lack of a reaction, Mikasa feels no heartbreak or discomfort.

“I know, there was no huge, romantic or pretty way of saying it” she smiles a little. “I’ve lived with these feelings for so long, Eren. I think you know by now if you love me or not, and at this point, time won’t really change that. But it’s okay, I’ve made my peace with either outcome.”

For a moment he’s just looking at her, like a volcano that wants to- needs to- erupt, so badly that the magma begins to seep along the edges. He wants to tell her, but the fact that she had literally just told him she’d be totally fine without him seemed to be a pretty big barrier.

Mikasa seems to understand the intense look in his eyes. “What is it?” she watches him lick his lips in hesitation, searching for the right words in this semi-panicked state. He seemed to be measuring his next words carefully, as if saying the wrong thing could just send her away again, just like that. He’d already made that mistake once. Her voice coaxes him back into reality, however, when she says gently, “talk to me. You can tell me anything.”

“I do.”

She froze. “What?”

“Mikasa,” he grabs her hand and puts it to his chest desperately. “Mikasa I love you, what are we doing?”

“You…” the words die on her tongue as she hears her own heartbeat in her ears louder than his words. “Oh my god…”

“I shouldn't have waited until now, I know. It was stupid, and I'm sorry. But I love you. I love you.” He almost looked like a figment of her imagination at this point, saying these things she had only heard him declare in her dreams.

“Eren, I…” she pauses, really looking at him. His look of sincerity and puppy dog eyes she hasn't seen in years seemed to win her over. It seems so unreal and her knee-jerk reaction was to cling to logic: “We...we still have a job to finish, we’re not done yet, the...the war, our friends, I just…”

“But I want it now.” He states the obvious, halting any other reasoning she may have. Mikasa melts at his admission and she realizes how much tension she had been harboring in her shoulders when she felt them relax at his words.

“It's going be you, Eren. Just give me time,” she reasons.

“Do we even have time, though? I've just seen so much, we’re not guaranteed a tomorrow. You've never been more than a hundred feet away from me, and it took me ten years to get to you,” Eren tells her, his hand still holding onto hers as if she would just run away as soon as he let go.

“Okay,” Mikasa answers shakily. “Okay. So this, this is us now, right? We're done messing around.”

“Yeah, I- god, yeah I'm done.” He pulls her into a hug, so desperate, so tight, like Eren Jeager would be damned if he ever let her go again. He presses a kiss to her forehead as he feels her arms wrap around his own figure, “we're done being stupid.”

“Good because I don't wanna mess this up, Eren. I can't lose you again.”

“I know, I'm sorry. I love you.”

Her muffled giggles against his chest send him up to cloud nine. He can hear the smile in her voice as she tells him, “I love you, too.”

228 notes · View notes

neirawrites · 4 years

Text

I was a Twihard in high school. Then I was a Twilight hater. In 2018, I decided to reread the first book, to see for myself on which side I belonged. I wrote my thoughts as I read, in multiple parts, but on my main blog, so I thought I might share them on my writeblr too, because I kinda had fun with it.

Enjoy my many, many notes

Pages 0-50

I’m actually kinda into it. Yeah, there are a many issues every article on editing tells you to fix (filter words, -ing verbs and things like that), but i feel it. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there.

Bella isn’t that bad of a protagonist. Nothing too spectacular, but she’s fine. She is depressed, self sacrificing and hides her feelings, but also a lot more self aware than i though she would be(like when she notices mike, my son, likes her). She’s a typical teenage girl, the introverted type, way into reading. there’s nothing wrong with that.

I don’t know why i remember Edward being a draco in leather pants,but he’s also fine for now. mysterious and handsome and a bit weird. The first real conversation they have, he’s polite and nice and charming. I expected him to be a dick for like 150 pages at least.

Pages 50-100

I’m still really into it.

Yeah,Edward kinda ghosts her/gaslights her after the whole van incident, but with the benefit of hindsight,i kinda get it. It’s a wonder he didn’t pick up his entire family and moved to Alaska again. I also get her mood during that time and I've been there so i feel ya,Bella,it’s not your fault.

And yeah, Bella gets invited to the dance by three different guys and it’s all kinds of fan fic-y, but the fact she turns them down furthers my belief she’s wake up married to Edward in like a few years and realize she would rather be with Rosalie (a solid choice, might i add).

Edward’s really pushy, especially when it comes to the scene after she faints. like, let her go, you jerk, she can drive herself, but he’s more weird than he’s a jerk and i think that was intentional.

A big surprise was the line “what if i’m not the hero, what if i’m the bad guy?” which isn’t this super cheesy, extra dramatic sentence but a jokey joke told with a laugh. actually, that whole conversation in the cafeteria where she tries to guess what he is is gold and don’t try to tell me otherwise.

I’m reading her interests in him as less of a romantic thing, and more of frustration at his behavior,like she would still be fascinated by him if he wasn’t so hot because he’s just so weird (but being hot is definitely a plus).

Plot? What plot?

Still, while the flaws are there, i’m still enjoying it very much.

Pages 100-150

Is Stephanie Meyer into anime? Cuz she wrote a harem light novel,that’s what she did and that’s how i’ll read it from now on and have more fun doing it. (Might make a post elaborating on this further).

All this to say that we got to Jacob. Not gonna lie, I kinda forgot about him. He seems like a nice kid and i’m glad Bella has some positive interaction. Team jacoj 4 life (jk,man,i was team jasper in high school which is in retrospect very weird of me). I know he becomes a friend-zoned dudebro later, but for now, he’s fine.

Meyer, lady, you’re winning me over as a half hearted defender of your work, but why are the girls so bitchy? Yeah,i know, bitchy girls exist in real life, especially in high schools,but girls are our friends and we need more positive female on female interactions. Just my personal preference, I guess.

Things are getting interesting. Bella’s dreaming weird dreams (just fyi, not a big fan of dream scenes in general), she’s googling like crazy and we’re going to Port Angeles.

I never felt she has any sort of affection for Angela or Jessica who seem really nice and have done nothing wrong. Like loosen up Bella, give them a chance. I know, depression makes you into a bitch sometimes, but it would warm me up to her character if she was a little more affectionate with people around her.

That whole scene where she almost gets at best beaten up and mugged and at worst raped and killed is… not my favorite part of the whole thing. I get what Meyer needed to do, to have her be saved by Edward, but there must have been a better way to go about it. What do I know? I’m the queen of forced plot contrivances. I do like their conversation at the restaurant (again, why do we hate the female waitress, Steph?). I don’t know why, I expected Edward to be mad at Bella for what happened to her and he seems genuinely concerned and his anger feels… human. Some of his actions, however, do not.

He stalked her which is weird and creepy and I hate it. Don’t stalk people, Edward. most of us don’t like it. you’re lucky Bella’s a weirdo.

150-200

I kinda love how ok she’s with the whole vampire thing. she’s just “well, this kid i barely know told me a scary story, so i guess the guy from school is a vampire. it be like that sometimes.” my first assumption would be it’s all an elaborate prank to make fun of me (i have some deep seeded trust issues origins of which remain unknown). and he’s waaay to quick to confirm her suspicions. I think there’s an explanation in the part of midnight sun that got leaked, but that was like a century ago.

I would criticize her for being ride or die with Edward so fast, falling in love with him so quickly, but i exchanged like 5 sentences with a cute girl last night and a part of is ready to propose based on the artiness of her instagam, so who the eff am i to judge?

and i get why he’s fascinated with her. she’s the only one he can’t read.

why? i don’t think that question ever gets a good enough answer, but it’s a fictional story about a girl falling in love with a sparky vampire. i’m not here for complex science or detailed explanations.

he seems waaay too protective of her. She’s a big girl, Ed, she can take care of herself. It’s actually kinda annoying. i dislike how he treats like a child a lot of the time. he seems pretty condescending. also, if he broke her car, i’m taking back everything nice i said about him.

ok, let me finally address bella’s biggest character flaw, her clumsiness. i mean, i get why she has it but Meyer goes a bit too hard on it. i’m clumsy, i really am, full of bruises, always bumping into things, but Bella can’t walk 20 meters without tripping. i guess i’m just glad she becomes a vampire in the book four, otherwise the book five would have been about her struggles when she’s diagnosed with a stage four inoperable brain tumor that’s been mesing with her sense of balance and the whole things turns into a weird version of the fault in our starts.

if i were writing it i would focus on her trust issues and being unable to form real bonds with other people as her main flaw, maybe even use it to try and justify the whole thing with the mind Edward can’t read. Like, she’s too different in a way that makes her unable to connect even on a basic level, like that one Blue whale that sings at a different frequency than all the others. Idk,i write pulpy sci fi. but it’s easy to be a general after the battle.

we got to the two infamous lines:

how are you? 17. how long have you been 17? is another line that’s more jokey than i though it would be, but also the most realistic piece of dialogue in this book. i would so ask the same thing.

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, this paragraph has been memed to death. Second, there was a part of me-and I didn’t know how potent that part might be-that would know every word of it till the day i died. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in like with it.

200-300

Not gonna lie, the whole part where he goes around asking her questions he is legitimately interested in knowing the answers to is at the same time my kinkiest fantasy and my deepest fear. like, yaaas, daddy, get to know me on the personal level and don’t be turn off by the fact i’m a tabula rasa.

We got to the infamous meadow scene and Bella is sooo horny on main for that vampire stake it’s actually kinda funny. She gets so effing into it she faints. I fucking love this girl. Go get that adonis dick, Bella, you deserve it.

I don’t mind vampires sparkle.i mean,it’s lame and fanfic-y but in Bosnia we have the lampires so vampires are creatures with a high dose of plasticity. i don’t know why that was like the worst thing anyone has ever done to the vampires. They are kinda too strong and could use a real weakness tho.

So the lion fell in love with the lamb is kind of another joke. Also, this is the skin of a killer is sadly just in the movie.

I do have the feeling he likes the project that he sees in Bella more than the real girl,but ok. Also stop nagging her. He watches her sleep. What a creep. I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s a vampire who doesn’t have to sleep makes it kinda less creepy for me. I don’t know why.

But “if i could dream at all i would be about you,” is the kind of ultracheese i can get behind. they are both such teenagers and i kinda looooove it.

Also non of the boys were her type is such a lesbian excuse. I feel ya Bella, i feel ya. I hope you discover your gayness after the end of breaking dawn.

We meet the cullens and every single one of them has a backstory like 528 times more interesting than Edward. i need novels about them, all of them ffs. it would be so cool. but, one of my favorite oc’s Errien Lark gets like 30 lines in the whole book so i can only be as harsh on Meyer as on myself (which is to say a lot. neither of us deserve these characters, honestly)

This book would have been more interesting if Bella fell in love in any other cullen. Like, Bella and Alice, Bella and jasper (Bella and Jasper and Alice. Sorry, i’m into solving love triangles with ot3s).Bella and Rosalie, Calilise, Esme, even Emmett, who i remember as mike of the vampires, but it’s been a decade.

300 pages in and plot is yet to happen, but it’s ok. we have the vampire baseball next.

the last part.

get your hot takes! hot takes right here

I kinda like billy. He seems like a nice guy. Also billy/charlie as my new otp.

“The beautiful one,the godlike one.” Bella, you are such a teen.

The less fucks she has about him being an all powerful ancient creature of the night who can murder her in a heartbeat, the funnier it is. She is just soo casual about it. Comedy gold, i tell ya. i mean, this is actually part of the narrative, Edward comments on it, meyer knows what she wrote.

Ed,maybe is you stopped saying she smells good, you would be better at not thinking about her as food. Mind over matter. Just a thought. Maybe i misjudged his virgin ass. Maybe ed the incel actually fell in love with her. Or at least what he thinks is love since they’ve been dating for like two days (look who’s talking?the girl who reads any sign of affection as a statement of love and then gets disappointed).

“Emmett could never be compared to a gazelle”. That’s sexist steph. Emmett, honey, you are as gracious as you want to be.

Also a big yaaaas on the whole concept of vampire baseball. we needed more of it.

Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot! Plot!

We have encountered plot. Only 320 pages in. three bad vampires came into town.

Story time: when i was in high school, all like 20 of us in out class were really, really into twilight (dudes included). we quoted it all the time but the height of comedy happened when someone brought their friend from another school to out class and someone else was like “you brought a snack” and a meme was born to be quoted endlessly for months. it was actually kinda fun. and probably very annoying for anyone who wasn’t into twilight.

Also, any development? Backstory? Motivations other than for the hell of it for out boi James and his ginger girlfriend? come on, it wouldn’t even be that hard. Also, some foreshadowing? There was like one line before. This is a legitimate criticism. it’s kinda shitty writing and a wasted opportunity.

Edward is being a dick again. I get he’s scared but her dad could die. Or maybe they’ll trun him into a vampire too (charlie/Edward? Think about it). But they all call him out on it which is nice. Bella’s plan isn’t bad, but “let me go charlie” is the straight up coldest thing i have read in a long time. it’s supposed to be, this isn’t criticism, just stating the obvious. But she showed like an inclining of love for her dad who has been nothing but nice all this time. Yeeey, she’s not a robot.

“It was the best idea. Of course it was mine” . Yaas, queen, you’re not that much of a doormat; take that credit.

i would do something to foreshadow the ballet studio thing in the first half of the book. at least, have Bella or Charlie looking at pictures from her recital, just to intricate it to the plot a bit more.

Ok, now i remember why i was team jasper. He is so effing nice. And he would be awesome for my depression. Neira/Alice/jasper, i ship it.

i’m kinda digging the explanations of how vampires work and the whole venom thing. They are still op af and need to be nerfed, but i wanna be one.

Of course, he used the mom. She’s like the only person bella actually cares about. She falls for it. i would probably fall too, but i’m dumb.

the fact that james hunted Alice is a nice and a very much needed twist. it did catch me of guard. i would be more mad he’s a bad guy monologing, but i can only introduce stones to my own glass houses.

Bella’s now more into the idea of being a vampire than into Edward and i’m living for it. she’s going to use him for his venom and a baby and run off with rosalie.

“and how many times did she fall our of a window?” (yes, that is a Sherlock reference in the year 2018 of our lord. maybe i should do that for my next project. should i wait a few more years?)

her mom is not worried enough, honestly. my mom would be freaking out. but my mom has anxiety issues, so idk… (i couldn’t get her smooth hairless legs, or her blue eyes but i got that gene. thanks, i guess) .

“And i have a couple of girlfriends” now that’s a novel i want to read but i guess i’ll have to write the lesbian twilight myself.

“I want to be superman too”. yeeees, finally, kristen steward in the role of superman casting of the century. you would all watch it and love it, and you know it.

Charlie doesn’t deserve this shit. when will he retire with his husband billy in their cabin where they can fish all day.

“Do you want me to bolt the door so you can massacre the unsuspecting townsfolk?“ Are we sure she hasn’t been a vampire from day one?

Jacob is a sweetie (for now) just putting that out there.

Edward is kinda being unreasonable. being a vampire in your universe isn’t that bad.

Aaaaw, and that’s a wrap.

i actually kinda digged it. it’s nothing special, but i read these last 150 pages in one sitting. my main issues are writing oriented. very little foreshadowing, many filter words and things like that, but i guess if you aren’t that into writing, you might not even notice more of that.

it’s not the death of literature, it’s not the worst love story ever told. it’s just a silly and mostly harmless wish fulfillment novel.

edward can be a controlling and condescending prick but he gets called out on it very often. it’s not like meyer is completely oblivious to what she’s writing. and even tho he’s 100, i guess they are all mostly stuck mentally at the age when they were turned. or at least that’s how it seems to me. bella is kind of a bitch to everyone who’s not a vampire and she’s never called out on it, there’s a glimpse of change in the epilogue, but i don’t think meyer really considered it a character flaw. which is a shame, as it could have made for an interesting character. all the vampires have stories i would rather read about, as i said before, but what can ya do? that’s what’s fanfics are for.

i may write more of cohesive thought on it when it settles in my brain, but first, i need to watch the movie. i have a hypothesis i need to test.

but i don’t regret doing this. it was kinda fun and now i’m no longer ashamed of my twihard phrase. i could have done worse, as far as teen phases go.

Someone should like write a fanfic, but Edward is not a vampire, but a rich guy. And he’s into some hard core spanky business. And they should take all the problematic elements and just crank them up to 11. And add a looot of sex. I bet they could make millions.

Tho, honestly, how can you read twilight and not make bella the kinky dom? you fundamentally misunderstood the story. for shame

#twilight #stephanie meyer #the midnight sun #edward cullen #bella swan #long post

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saskiel · 5 years

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The color of your soul

So, my life has been Final Fantasy XIV for the past two weeks, right? It absolutely decimated me, the main story of Shadowbringers is 100% the best.. and 100% the worst.. and 100% of me screaming, crying, yelling, wishing stuff was different, but then again not.. You know, the reaction pretty much the whole internet is having right now...

And therefore, here is my first fanfiction for FF14 - I apologize for any discrepancies, I honestly don’t know anything about FF franchise, other than 14 (and even there I am sure there are major gaps in my knowledge because I basically skipped every cutscene in ARR)

Also, as per usual, pray excuse all my shitty grammar mistakes, feel free to nicely point them out to me and I will correct them.

Pairing: Emet-Selch x WoL

This story is kinda fluffy btw, I am very proud of myself for not turning it into complete angst...

Emet-Selch. The bane of your existence as of late. But not because he is spinning his evil treads, ruining your own plans with the light wardens. Oh no, that, you can deal with. That is what ascians do, right?

Well, not this particular ascian. First, he decides to offer the scions an olive branch, saying he merely wants to observe, maybe even help. Then, he shamelessly teases you whenever he gets the chance. It’s dear this and dear that. Truly infuriating man.

With really good looks.

And a very pleasant voice.

But you’d, obviously, deny any of this in front of your friends, Thancred especially. After all, you can’t imagine they would take it well if you fraternized with the enemy. Or even think about the way his pale eyes light up with mischief whenever he calls you a hero as if it is some sort of private joke between the two of you. Maybe it is.

You are standing with the rest, watching Emet-Selch bring Y’Shtola back. You get the feeling he is enjoying the attention, his back is not hunched, for a change, as he raises his hand and snaps for the final time, lowering the woman’s body to the floor.

As you follow after Thancred, who literally bolts towards your friend, you make brief eye contact with the ascian. There’s a smirk on his face as he steps out of your way.

You are happy about the reunion, truly, Y’shtola would be greatly missed by many, but all your senses are on high alert with the man standing somewhere behind you. Were you braver, you would turn around, but every hero has their weak points. It would seem Emet-Selch might be yours, given how your heartbeat quickens when he makes his presence known once again, demanding a thank you. Even then you don’t face him, merely letting your comrades express their gratitude before they leave back to the nearby settlement.

“You are not going to join them, hero?” his voice sounds closer than you expected, sending pleasant shivers down your arms.

Slowly, you turn around, gazing into his eyes and he raises his eyebrow expectantly. Just when he takes a deep breath, no doubt to address you with some snark comment, you blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind.

“What color is my soul?”

You watch as his expression change. Before, he was mildly annoyed, but now his look is downright predatory.

“Isn’t that a clever question,” he moves slowly towards you, “what will you offer me for the answer?”

On a reflex, your feet start moving, putting you out of his reach. There might be a truce between you now, but he is still a being of immeasurable power. The intensity that he’s displaying makes you gulp. “I shouldn’t have to give you anything for it, let it be a nice gesture on your part,” you try to bargain, but even to you, it sounds weak.

“I believe my daily quota for nice gestures has been exhausted by me plucking your clumsy friend out of the lifestream. You will have to offer me something better,” with a wolfish smile, he forces you deeper into the forest.

“I doubt there is anything that you could want from me,” the end of your sentence sounds more like a question.

Who are you asking, him or yourself?

Fanow, the Viera city is no longer in your view as your back bump into an enormous tree, judging by your peripheral vision.

“No need to be so harsh on yourself, dear. Of course there is something I want from you… The question is, are you willing to offer it to me?”

He stops right in front of you - if you took a deep breath, your chest would touch his. If that thought wasn’t distracting enough, he purrs out your name. For a man who spends eons plotting the rejoining, he can be oddly impatient.

Licking your lips, you stare somewhere below his nose, not able to bring yourself to see his eyes. He’s never been this close. Your heart is beating fast, from fear or excitement, you don't know. Are you really going to do this?

“You are maddening,” you say as you finally raise your gaze to his.

“Is that a yes, my sweet hero?”

Slowly, you nod.

You did not think his smile could be bigger, yet after you give your consent, he looks like the cat that ate the canary.

He closes the small gap. A barely audible moan escapes you as his body crushes yours into the bark of the tree. He hums appreciatively at the way you fit against him. Right after that, his lips find yours, his hands roaming freely over your bare arms as he kisses you passionately. Your own arms circle around his body, your fingers lightly pressing into the muscles on his back, pulling him even closer.

“I’ve missed this,” he breaks the kiss for the moment, inspecting your face. But before you have time to think about his words, he lifts you from the floor, forcing you to hook your legs around him. He captures your lips once again and you wonder how you managed to resist him this long. You can feel his hardening member pressing through his pants, which makes you grip him closer as you arch your back slightly, increasing the delicious friction.

He groans as he bites your neck, it feels like a warning.

Deciding to test your theory, you rub yourself against him. You can feel his body shiver, his hands gripping your thighs almost painfully. “If you continue, I will have to ravish you,” he says, voice thicker than dripping honey. It’s exquisite feeling, holding this powerful man in the palm of your hand.

“Who says that’s not precisely what I want.”

His pale eyes glance at yours as if he was looking for any sign of uncertainty. You give him a coy smile before planting a gentle kiss on the corner of his lips.

“Close your eyes,” he says, snapping his fingers when you do as he asks. You feel the teleportation magic take place, but Emet-Selch is holding you close, ensuring that you don’t slip into the oblivion. When you next open your eyes, the forest of Rak’Tika is no longer there.

Where you might be, you don’t know. Everything here seems to be enveloped in shades of blue. Before you can look around more, you are placed on a comfortable bed, with one hungry ascian landing on top of you. He immediately starts kissing you again, his hands slip into your hair. You respond with equal passion, enjoying every moment. Your hands reach out for the hem of his robe and with his help, you pry it off.

Together, you manage to get rid of both your clothes, before you give in. Everything feels just right. His weight, pressing you into the sheets, the way he nibbles at your neck while you scratch your fingernails down his back, loving the feel of your joined bodies. You scream out his name as the pleasure dips you over the edge and he kisses you harder for it, following your suit soon after.

Later that night, after you’re both too exhausted to continue your lovemaking, you are falling asleep. His fingers are gently combing through your hair as he watches you closely. Curled against his side, you feel secure, his body heat making you relaxed. Slowly, your breathing levels out as you drift off. Even after that happens, he doesn’t stop caressing you, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“Your soul is the lightest color of topaz. When you are upset, it darkens into a rich amber. But whenever you are happy, it always shined like liquid light,” he smiles as you shift in your sleep, “I’m glad I got to see it again tonight…”

#emet-selch #solus zos galvus #ffxiv shadowbringers #ffxiv #final fantasy #5.0 spoilers #shadowbringers #shadowbringers spoilers #warrior of light #wol #my heart still hurts btw

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strechanadi · 5 years

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Swan Lake Wolfgang/Siegfried overthinking no. I-refuse-to-count-how-many-times-this-stupid-ballet-and-this-even-more-stupid-characters-did-not-let-me-sleep!

Dear @spinmelikeyoumeanit ... this is yet again yours and yours fault only.

(And yes, once I start I physically cannot stop myself, which leads to... err. THIS!)

(I sincerely apologize. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Truly.)

Well, I promised, didn’t I? And it literally took me just about a lifetime! (On the other hand – academic life happened. Don’t do postgrad, kids, it’s just not worth it…) (Or maybe just dont try to write a dissertation in a MONTH! FFS!)

One would think I would be over it. That after so many Swan Lakes nothing would have the ability to shake me. That after so many sleepless nights spent thinking over every little think here and there, I would know almost everything, therefore would be prepared for anything thrown at me. And yet here we are! Once again, blown away by Swan Lake of all ballets. I mean… could there be anything more cliché?

However, I already made peace with one thing (and you should probably too, saves lives and all that) and that’s the genius of Nureyev, of his Swan Lake and of the duality of Wolfgang/Rothbart.

As many of you remember, I’m sure (and slightly horrified), even recording of Nureyev’s SL is more than able to put me out of service, to prevent me from living what even the tiniest group of people would call a normal life. Or something. So, what the hell was I thinking when buying the ticket to see the ballet in question live, I have literally no idea. (Well. I have, actually. He may even have a name…) But yes, I did saw Swan Lake with POB live on stage. From the first fucking row, because that’s how extra I have to be. (Yes, my diet consists solely of bread and water since… seems like forever now.) I saw it, I died and that’s about it. However, my being dead is not something anyone would be particularly interested in, so let’s just move to the only thing you (the whole lot of exactly one person) are here for.

I did write a review on said performance. And usually I’m trying to translate them (even though I’m not exactly sure why, because it causes me almost physical pain and at the end I feel endlessly stupid, since I have to search every second word in dictionary, which is slightly pathetic, also I love my Czech sentences too much and with my pitiful knowledge of English I simply cannot make them justice, so they look utterly weird in the end and they deserve better than that), however unlike with my first POB SL review 3 years back this time I’ve decided to just don’t give a shit and dive into the story head first consequences be damned, so I think with writing this thing here I would have everything important covered (i.e. no need for the actual review) (the first half was basically just me showing off my endless knowledge on SL music score, which is plain boring, let’s be real, plus I wrote all that in my first review).

/AN - This is actually longer than the review itself. I think I feel a little bit sick…/

So. Right. Swan Lake.

I’m not gonna pretend there’s anyone else in whom I am more interested than Siegfried. And it’s not just because Nureyev made him a main character of the story. It’s because it makes sense. Who is on stage from start to finish? Through whose eyes we are watching the whole story? We should be able to sympathize with Siegfried, we should be able to see his point, to understand him, to get what he’s doing and why – sort of at least. And that’s probably why I am so annoyed with traditional SLs where it mostly looks like the choreographers/dancers/ballet masters/whoever don’t even try and go with some bland hero, because whatever, we are all waiting for the 2nd act and the Swan anyway.

So, it’s clear I love Nureyev’s story with passion (you wouldn’t tell, would you!) and the moment the curtain raises I’m drawn to Siegfried no matter who’s the dancer. And, OK, if it’s Mathieu Ganio, I’m kind of helpless, I admit (it would be cute, I guess, were I not be way over 13 yo).

I will try to stay as reasonable as I could and not to embarrass myself. Too much. So I would not write about the stupid little things that nobody in their right mind would (or could!) notice (or at least not at the first sight), because, dear god, literally no one gives a damn about the way his fingers twitched during his Prologue‘s nightmare in perfect synchrony with the music and action on stage… Can I get to the point?! Preferably on this day!

Normal person would be probably unable to talk about Siegfried without Odette/Odile. But I think we have already established I’m by no means a normal person. So, I am not able to talk about Siegfried without Wolfgang. (Yes, we are finally getting somewhere!)

I love their relationship in any shape and form and I would gladly watch every single cast and every possible combination of dancers in those two roles as I’m sure each time I would get something new (you cannot stop my brain, believe me, I tried). There was the oddly depending, blurred, yet intense José/Karl take. The terrifyingly creepy, what-the-fuck-happened-or-is-still-happening-behind-the-close-doors Mathieu/Francois one (that still makes my hair stand whenever I think about it, because… holy shit, that one moment between 1st and 2nd act!). The clueless puppy/slightly perverted, obsessed mastermind vibes from Germain/Francois. So what about Mathieu/Jérémy this time, hm?

/AN – I’m gonna probably end up mixing dancers‘ names with their characters‘, so… Yeah. I have no excuses, it’s just going to happen anyway, no matter how hard I would try to prevent it./

It was clear from the very first moment, Siegfried was much more mature this time, much more the young adult than barely 18yo adolescent. He looked reasonably confident, sure of himself, a true aristocrat, a crown prince ready to be a king (almost to the point where I was thinking – oh, where’s my lost, Asperger’s child? I want my lost, Asperger’s child! Spoiler alert – I got my lost, Asperger’s child eventually, do not worry. Just wait for it). However, watching him during the opening dance scene it was becoming more and more clear everything’s not so smooth as it may seem. He grew impatient, the whole situation slowly but surely becoming unbearable, and he was fighting against it with all he had, trying to stay calm, trying to play the role he was expecting to, his nervous, involuntary fingers tapping against his throne the only thing out of place. But there was always Wolfgang for him in those moments. Wolfgang, who was the constant, never-changing presence. Wolfgang, who could be standing on the other side of the room and the connection between him and his prince almost palpable, magnetic, electrifying. Always there. Always sure.

They look like best friends, no matter their different social status. Wolfgang casually showing Siegfried one girl or another (funny how he didn’t need to bring Siegfried’s attention to men, since he was happily watching them on his own accord), whispering something to his ear (A court rumour? An inside joke? A reassurance to keep Siegfried in his right mind?), hand casually on his shoulder. When they were walking together, Wolfgang was positively hugging Siegfried with his arm around prince’s shoulders. And then you saw him standing side stage, watching Siegfried being crowned, watching him dance, watching his inner struggle started by queen’s mention of marriage, watching him trying to act all casual and „oh, it’s nothing, I’m all right“ while knowing his autism and insecurities and all the good stuff is kicking, trying to break free and took over his mind and soul again. Because Siegfried may be more in charge now, but once autistic, always autistic… The mental issues were there. Waiting. As well as Wolfgang. Watching, waiting, calculating, manipulating without anybody knowing, using the Machiavellianism to the point.

And I wanted to scream, because hell, Siegfried, you look like a reasonable, mature human being. You are not the lost child with puppy eyes, you have to know something’s off! Tell me, what do you know! But then they were together and it was painfully clear he simply believed they were at the same page, he had no reason not to think so, they were in this together. Take the moment at the end of the „dance lesson.“ José himself leant towards Karl, believing him implicitly, automatically, without question and on top of that he actually looked him in the eye, and there was the brilliant moment where Karl looked away like – “oh no, stop, this is too much, that’s not right” and also “I’m not affected by this at all.” Francois just grabbed Mathieu’s arm and pulled. The gesture strong, harsh, leaving no doubts and literally no space between the two of them, because “oh no no, my prince, you have no personal space, no free will, I am the one who will tell you what to do, I am the one in charge, don’t forget that, I certainly not let you forget, ever.” With Mathieu and Jérémy the movement towards each other was mutual. Mathieu leaned back, Jérémy went slightly forward whispering into his ear.

However just a few seconds earlier, during the actual dance lesson, was a moment that couldn’t be more out of the realm of things OK even if it tried. I remember someone did something similar in one of the older videos I saw through the years of my healthy social life, I, however, do not remember it being quite like this time. I’m talking about the moment nearly at the end with Siegfried kneeling on the floor with Wolfgang walking around him. Some Wolfgangs simply put their hand on prince’s shoulder and squeeze, some let their hand stay there for a bit (too) long, some doesn’t touch Siegfried at all for one reason or another. And then came Jérémy. He did touch Mathieu’s shoulder. Let his hand there. Heavy, grounding. And then, slowly, intentionally, almost proprietary traced his chest from one collar bone to the other. Touching the bare skin. Not in some delicate, subtle, almost-not-there motion with fingertips barely touching. This was open. Possessive. Claiming. I inhaled so sharply people on the balcony must have heard it. I almost gave myself a brain concussion. Or got high on oxygen overdose. Or something. Being at home alone (or maybe even with my family around) I would be screaming myself hoarse and/or swearing profusely. But since I was sitting in a theatre with 2,5 thousands other people completely clueless of my inner battle, I had to… just keep breathing and acting cool. Not that I was particularly successful or anything.

How the 1st Act was going, it was more and more clear Siegfried depended on Wolfgang. And what was even more painful, it was his own decision. Surely, he was manipulated into it to some extent and at some point, but with this prince I believe if one asked him, he would say he believes Wolfgang. “Because he’s a friend. Because he’s helping. He’s good. Stop asking stupid questions, I’m not an idiot!” You had to admit this Wolfgang did a fucking good job without actually showing it (and showing off, looking at you, Francois). Because at the end of Act 1 all he had to do to stop Siegfried from following the running boys was turn his head. He didn’t step to stay in his way, he didn’t cross his arms or shake his head disapprovingly. He just stood there, then looked slightly over his shoulder and Siegfried stopped. Like that. And then, just before he was about to start his andante sostenuto variation (during which I most definitely died, because there was simply no other option, since this monster of a man, while doing his manege of jetés entrelacé, decided to turn the palm of his front arm up to make the landing pose in arabesque a cry, with his arm desperately reaching towards something, to fill every fucking detail of his movement with intention and meaning and who the hell asked this from you?! I can scarcely cope even while you are just dancing and feeling the music in ways that are too close to mine, could you please tell me, why you had to even do THIS to me?! Am I not dead enough?), he looked back at Wolfgang. Like if I could forget about their connection…!

But what was between the two of them exactly? I don’t have a clue. I know what I see in José/Karl interpretation. I know how I understand Mathieu/Francois relationship (because I am a bad person, my mind is poisoned and my brain is sick!). But Mathieu/Jérémy? There’s so much going on but I for the love of all that is holy cannot put a finger on it. (And that’s probably one of the reasons I almost went to the stage door to tell them I love them. I didn’t. I am an adult. I do not fangirl. I just go home and deal with all the feelings like the emotionally repressed person I am. I would make an excellent posh Englishman.) Let’s just say it was for the first time that Wolfgang was taller than Siegfried. Significantly taller. So whenever Siegfried wanted to looked him in the eyes, he had to look UP. And this stupid, tiny, little detail made me feel so many things, it’s not even funny anymore (which falsely indicated it WAS funny once, which most definitely was NOT). But just imagine the Siegfried/Wolfgang duet between act 1 and 2 with Siegfried coming to Wolfgang, to looking up to his eyes, and try not to see the vulnerability in it. Try not to see all the cards changing. Because it should have been Siegfried over Wolfgang because of their social status. During act one they were at the same level – because Siegfried wanted so. And now, suddenly, it was Wolfgang over Siegfried. And when he put the prince on the ground in the end, Siegfried looked yet again completely lost, devastated and abused… You just didn’t know how exactly this time. Or you did, but it was still just a wild guess, you couldn’t be completely, absolutely, 100% sure.

What was sure – Siegfried was broken. He took the offered crossbow as if not knowing what he is doing, as if not knowing it’s his hands that is holding it. And then he stood up, turned and wanted to go to Wolfgang, because obviously. He made two steps, and Wolfgang was just standing there, centre stage, looking (not with the arms dismissively crossed as Francois, mind you) and Siegfried stopped, tripped over his feet, looked and promptly turned back. And there was something so unbelievably hurt in him. Because he knew what the crossbow means, figuratively. And that’s what hurt him most. Seeing Wolfgang with it. Seeing Wolfgang pushing him towards the edge, knowing he’s helpless, knowing that it would be him who would jump, he himself, nobody would actually push him, just bring him so near the edge, there would be no other choice. It was like an accusation. Because “I believed you. I trusted you. I thought we were friends. I thought you would help me. And you pushed me back towards my illness, pushed me into those dreams that we both know will be the end of me.” You could almost touch the moment, the last flicker of consciousness, the hurt creeping from the deep of Siegfried’s soul but it was too late already. It was late the moment he took the crossbow. And you were watching him losing the somewhat sane part of his mind, the part that knows, and falling to his dreams, to his forbidden world. Because giving the poor Asperger’s little prince a bit of schizophrenia is a way to go. Hello, this is me, nice to meet you.

Yes, partly this whole mess of a situation was the Queen’s fault. Her mentioning marriage and crowning and you know, the adult stuff, made Siegfried quiver in his so painfully hard-won stable mental state of sorts, that seemed more stable than in other SLs, but was still too fragile. But Wolfgang was the one who made it happened, who was the vital help, who was the final cause. Because who else could have been more successful? Who would have been better for such job? Who could have managed such thing if not him…?

I’ll give you a break and am gonna talk about 3rd act for a bit. Because Mathieu Ganio’s Siegfried in act 3 is a fucking piece of art and someone give the man an award for it!

There was an achingly apparent difference between Act 1 Siegfried and Act 3 Siegfried. While during the 1st Act he was able to hold himself together to the point one would not tell he had any mental issues, in 3rd Act he was loosing his contact with reality from the start. And of course he was, with no Wolfgang behind his back whispering to his ear, keeping him in check, distracting him while things become too tedious and tiring, calming him by his mere presence. So his standing up and leaving the stage during character dances made so much sense. He refused the princesses with pleasure and right then he threw everything, his control, his mind, his consciousness out of window, and just jumped, leaving his illness in charge and Odile with Rothbart appeared. And if Odette and the lake was a dream, this was much more a fantasy. I’m going to repeat myself, but I stop when there would be more than one Siegfried like this in 3rd Act. Because this Siegfried was not dragged across stage by Odile, he was not simply following her with heart eyes, smiling and thinking rather stupidly she’s Odette, the pure, fragile girl from the lake even though she’s acting almost completely different. This Siegfried was confident, self-assured, constantly trying to convince Odile of his power and to prove himself. He grew impatient with her constant escaping, there was anger and sharpness in some of his movements. We all know the moment when Siegfried is standing behind Odile and she’s taking his arms to hug herself, right? So Mathieu Ganio leaned in and kissed. Her. On. The. Neck.

(I let that information sink.) (And while it would be sinking, I take a little walk to ease some of the tension and calm my inner voice that is screaming profanities, cause HOLYFUCKINGSHIT, can you imagine the dreamy, pure, innocent prince from previous act to do such thing?!)

I would also like to mention the black adagio. You know, the one where Siegfried is supposed to be fascinated by Odile who is seducing him? The one, during which this time was not quite clear if the prince was watching the enchanting black swan or Rothbart with the same intent, with the same intensity in his eyes and tension between the two of them…? Yeah.

(Also – Jérémy before his Rothbart variation, sitting on Siegfried’s throne like it belongs to him. Good grief!)

The end of act 3 wasn’t as much of a mad scene as it was in 2016. However Siegfried fell down on the floor completely unceremoniously, lying on his back and while the curtain opened and we were in the 4th Act he lied there in the exact same position and it looked almost like he’s in his bed. Like he completely lost it during the ball (and lost it he did) and was escorted to his chambers, put to his bed and now his poor, tortured mind sent him yet again to the woods, to the lake side.

Odette in act 2 was a complete figment of Siegfried’s imagination, appearing suddenly from nowhere, made from thin air, sharing Siegfried’s pain and deep grief. (Yes, even in act 2, because this time there were no heartfelt love confessions, no big romance, no sunny smiles and promises of happily ever after. But there was a bond. Strong and deeply felt.) In 4th Act she was resigned. She knew she’s about to die and there’s nothing she could do about it. Because Odette is Siegfried. In this performance and interpretation more than ever. She was his innocence that was somehow betrayed and violated by the act 3 fantasy. She was his integral part, she was his childhood, she was his hope, she was the last piece of his sanity, she was him. And Siegfried came to her guiltily, ashamed of himself, afraid to look herself in the eyes and see what became of him. Because he was dying. And he knew it.

And then Rothbart appeared and took Odette from Siegfried. Took his hope, his mind, his soul - like the mental illnesses, Siegfried’s ultimate bane and his final doom. And then came the last moment. When Siegfried turned around and there, in the middle of the mists stood someone. With arm held forward, palm up as in an invitation. And then… magnificent, ethereal Wolfgang spread his arms wide. Opened them for his prince, to let him jump into. And Siegfried run and jumped with his last breath and last desperate cry of arched back to the arms of death. That is nor evil, nor kind. That simply is.

And it makes you wonder – what if this was in the end the best option for Siegfried after all? What if Wolfgang was doing what he was doing having his prince’s good in mind? Was it something he himself believed in? That he was helping? Or was it just something he would say, if anybody asked? And was he ever even real?

Hello. This is Nureyev’s Swan Lake for you. Causes many questions. Answers none. Gives you bunch of other instead.

Please, do feel free to tell me I should find a professional help.

#ballet #swan lake #le lac des cygnes #this is just me #not being able to shut up #and get over wolfgang and siegfried #for nearly 4000 words #it's not healthy #but whatever #wolfgang #siegfried #rothbart #overthinking #like a pro #make it an olympic sport #thank you #LOOK IT'S ALMOST 4 IN THE MORNING!

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praesidiumsystem-blog · 5 years

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30 & 31 aug. 2019

👾 30th -- I woke up from really bad nightmares again on the 30th except they were really personal to me and way worse than before, I was panicking really hard. I felt bad because Strom was fronting and I know he wanted to help but I couldn’t process tone good at all so Koda had to come to front to help me calm down. It took a long time but I eventually got there. We had a small misunderstanding towards the end because I feel like I front too much and he sounded hurt that Strom wasn’t going to get to spend time with me like everyone else but we worked it out and I stayed and Hannah came back with me for a bit.

We watched a few episodes of re:stage and it’s SO cute and so fun and we’re loving it, it’s a shame the game looks like an otome game even though they’re like 10 years old, ffs... One of the characters, Kae, is like a big tech nerd and I throttled to the front so hard that I booted Hannah out altogether by accident... but we had a good time.

Mason and I went to Walmart and I was frustrated about the phone situation and not being able to call our family but I calmed down eventually.and we had a good time getting groceries and stayed within our budget. Came home and had some important conversations with Strom about communication. It really means a lot to us that they try to work together to help each other out and leave when they’re not safe anymore or are too tired or stressed to go on. Everyone gets worn out when communicating isn’t going well and it’s so harsh to imagine not being able to ask your own system members to help you when you’re struggling... That just made me really sad. I hope they feel more confident asking for help soon because they really do deserve help when they need it.

The other day I’d gotten the passing thought that I hope cam can change his emoji one day from the swords to the handwriting emoji or something similar because, he had such a violent past and picking up oda really just made me feel like, he really has the potential to heal in a calm and safe environment now and nothing would make me happier than him being able to rest and relax and enjoy the peaceful life we have together now. Strom thought it was a great idea and that made me really happy, I almost cried. cam eventually responded that he loved me and he was glad about it and i almost cried Again. cam means the world to me and i want him to be happy and safe so much, even when i have really bad dreams that make reality hard to believe sometimes. I drew this while I was thinking about it.

Then we talked about about system landscapes and that was fun, and went to sleep soon after. strom was really safe to be with really quickly, i feel really grateful that everyone has always been so kind and patient with me that its much easier for me to open up these days, i’ve really changed a lot, and i kind of feel like it really is for the better...

grateful for

cam being so understanding and handsome and good and wonderful and amazing all the time forever, i love him so much

koda is an angel from god for also being so patient with me and so willing to help all the time

i didn’t know strom before today but he’s really good and i had a really good time with him, he was fun to talk to and good to be with and i enjoyed our time together a lot, he was really wanting to help me too and im really grateful that he’d want to help me so much even though we just met

we’ve been drinking a lot of unsweetened iced tea the past few days and we missed iced tea SO much so that’s been really good

grateful that mason lets us process frustration at our own pace and doesn’t take it too personally

re:stage is SO fucking cute and good and we love the tiny lesbians so much

mason ended up being able to get some phone money at walmart after all and was able to set it up so we’d be able to call family the next day and i was really relieved

knowing we have enough good food to eat at home feels really domestic and comfy and good

👾 31st -- Spent like all of the livelong day talking with Strom about edits to our system sheets, there’s just so much information and its hard to be concise but I think we made a lot of really really good progress! We love talking about sheet stuff and our systems and all that Good Stuff. We’re having some trouble figuring out how guardianships and ccs and relationships and such work, but... I think we made some progress there too, kind of. Then we spent a thousand years doing height comparisons for lots of our system members, theirs and ours, and that was really fun too.

Then I made stir fry dinner for me and Mason and it was trouble on the wrists but it turned out really delicious and au enjoyed it and it was really worth it! Realized I had more medication than I thought I did so we definitely have enough to last until Griffin can bring us our next set. I stayed up way too late for the 29343489th time but, it happens... and that’s about it!

grateful for

was able to get in touch with our mom and unfortunately one of our aunts passed away (mary), but grandpa has some appointments to get his hernia fixed and that’s relieving

talking about system stuff with husband is SO MUCH FUN all the time, i had a great time even though they made way more progress on their sheet than i did the whole day sdlfkj

making dinner was really satisfying for our worthiness brains even though it hurt physically

happy that mason ended up liking it even though we’ve never made stir fry that way before now

extremely happy that we won’t have to go without meds at all (as long as griffin is able to get them up here this coming weekend)

#[zephyr]#[journal]

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fireeaglespirit · 5 years

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@beyond-far-horizons

I do. I’ve always shied away from the LOTR/Sil community on tumblr or anywhere cos I want to keep my attachment to them all to myself given how formative they were for me and still are. Never the less I do like this interpretation of Melkor’s actions over Tolkien’s “he is Satan and darn right bad!” cos I have always been a fangirl of Melkor esp because most of the Valar are such stuck up good too shoes (apart from Ulmo - love you Ulmo!) Basically I adore Melkor (even though I don’t justify what he did) and Ulmo, like Nienna, Aule, Yavanna and Varda but Manwe….Manwe…just too good…and ‘the Windlord’ just isn’t a good title in some senses of the word hehe. It’s just the selfish way they acted towards the elves and especially humanity - no special treatment for them, no guidance (apart from Ulmo - what a dude) and then they wake up and get dragged into the war between Melkor and the elves - even though they didn’t start it and will not get reborn if killed. Okay okay Melkor was terrible and did terrible things but I’ve never liked that dualistic way of thinking as much as i admire the Professor.

I’m replying here as to avoid any problems with the og of the post or whatever, but yeah... this is as far as I go concerning fandom right now but it was very worthy reading the book, I did enjoy it when I got a hold on how to read it properly.

I must be honest and say, some parts were a chore to get through but others were so delightful it paid off in the end, much like other books I’ve enjoyed including ASOIAF which had painfully lackluster parts, I do dig for the gems and its always worthy.

I did write a huge post concerning the first parts of it and my thoughts, but I don’t know if I’ll post it as its a bit too harsh (extremely delicate subject for some, I know but for me nothing is sacred on this regard) on some elements which after some research made more sense to me. Also, taking in consideration the time period it was written and some info about the author made it much better for me to get into it, etc... I’m also highly tolerant of different world views (for real) so even thought I don’t agree with some of his concepts and I oppose some of them, I can sort of ‘ignore them’ in order to enjoy my cherry picked favorite aspects of the creation and even taking them into consideration is interesting for the ‘different point of view’ I mentioned.

As you wisely notice I don’t have much love for the whole bible-like aspects which by any means pertain just to the structure of the early parts of the book, but to the ongoing theme of the battle of good x evil, including most of the morale of the book itself which feels very ‘christian’ and monotheistic despite the presence of the Valar as god-like figures, which superficially might look polytheistic, Eru’s influence is undeniable even when he’s not actively present in the narrative: All good stems from Eru, or being close to him and following his way and almost every bad thing that happens is due to the meddling of a single guy whose own very existence was allowed by Eru and who opposes him... In the end, all evil comes from not following god’s will or not believing him. Don’t need to say I’m not a huge fan of the concept *coughs*

Anyway, I also recently read through the parts concerning Numenor and it made me angry also, especially concerning the way humans were left with no guidance at all, it no wonder they feel prey to manipulation, they were starved for something they could never achieved and they could never be enlightened on the reason for that.

I don’t know and never understood why ‘faith’ or believing without at sort of clue or proof is held in such a high stem by most people, so its hard for me to swallow the way the humans were just told to never fucking go to west and to not desire immortality which was just natural for elves and spirits and they were not given a proper explanation or reason why... they just had to believe it. I know the Valar aren't omniscient too so they don’t know Eru’s reason either, but they could've been more helpful concerning the subject of the undying lands, I know at some point they are more open about it but perhaps it was way too late. LOL. What would it cost for a higher being to just go there and tell them the story and functioning of the world, etc... I don’t know if this sounds stupid or even makes sense but I felt sorry for the guys in Numenor who died in the collective murder by Eru (this stank of bible but wasn't nearly as bad since well just a little part of the world was swallowed up :l and god basically killed everyone save a guy and his little family so props to Eru). I feel weird.

The problem to me is not the monotheistic setting itself, but the fact its endorsed and not ever criticized, etc.. I could enjoy any book with any world view as long as it challenges itself and Tolkien just goes straight away and never look back in this. I guess I just have a more ‘cynical’ or ‘doubtful’ point of view regarding deities in general, esp. monotheistic ones so I’d rather have some more shades of gray concerning those who oppose the all powerful god, just like you did regarding the demons on the DMC fic verse where you can see there are multiple forces at play and its not so simple, but I digress its just the way things are and that’s what the book is and its a relatively old book with different mindset and cultural references than we commonly have today.

To me, taking it away and just overlooking certain implications I can sort of get behind it, lol.

I’m also not a huge fan of the Valar, personally, they look cool as heck but most of them are indifferent AF and don’t act much. Worse than that, they don’t seem to hold much concern towards humanity... During the war of the wrath I just kept thinking “why haven’t you done this before??” and lol

I guess its a bit like my own Polaris whom after meddling with humanity for long just took a back seat, sort of understandable when things went awry before and you just don’t know if your meddling is causing good or bad anymore so you just let it be for a while, and for those beings a ‘while’ might mean centuries easy. The Valar, just like my dragons hold a lot of power, compared to ‘gods’ but neither hold omniscience so its understandable that they make mistakes, I just don’t necessarily agree with the position of utter indifference they took after some events... I mean to work with this theme concerning my dragons and how they deal with this so it was interesting nonetheless seeing the story evolve and what it leads to.

Anyway, the Silm. has a very interesting arc concerning its mythology since the higher power consecutively ‘take a back seat’ in order to let the world develop on its own, first of all is Eru himself and them slowly the ranks of spirits whom where once the focus of attention leave the picture one after the other until the story is taken over mostly by elves and afterwards even the elves leave the scene for humans to take over. This is very interesting and works to explain why the ‘powers that be’ are not as vivid as they were, etc... I really enjoyed reading the over arching theme and how it played out, it will definitely help me on my writing endeavors.

I totally agree on Ulmo like FFS he was the only guys still around when shit went down and he was always there trying to help the ‘good guys’, also Aule has some interesting facets early on and well... the Valar look incredible, especially Varda & birdy (fart) lord Manwe, but they don’t hold much more to me than cool looks, which is sad as they had potential. Also, I live for goth queen Nienna but she does nothing through the story...

Well, once more we’re left in the world of ‘what could've been’. I’m quite used to it and not complaining, just stating in my personal opinion the text could be easily turned into something much more interesting to me with minor tweaks.

#beyond-far-horizons #silmarillion #random

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seriouslyhooked · 6 years

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Scoring Your Love (Part 10/?)

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six,Part Seven, Part Eight. Story also on FF here and AO3 here. Banner by the wonderful @timetravelandfairytales

Modern AU where Killian is a world famous soccer star who has hit rock bottom and been sentenced to the place where ‘football’ legends go to die – America. While here he crosses paths with Emma, an up and coming musician and film scorer who challenges everything he thought he knew and makes him want more than the game he’s always loved. Will be filled with fluff for days, and eventually rated M.

A/N: Hello again, friends! So as promised we finally get to the M rating in this chapter, but we also get another important check in before then. I mean come on, you didn’t think I was just going to forget about Liam, did you? Well he’ll make an appearance of sorts in this chapter, and though we’ll end in my usual fluffy place, we’re sowing some seeds of intrigue for later. Hope you all enjoy and thanks so much for reading!

In all his years playing in the professional leagues, Killian had managed the intensity and the strange schedules of a sportsman’s life better than most of his fellow teammates.

To be sure there were some more destructive habits he had formed, drinking a bit too much, surrounding himself with the kind of people who were interested just in the fame and the fortune, but on the whole he hadn’t fallen victim to the same bad moods that most other men did. Leaving home for so long and being apart from family took a toll on anybody, but Killian had never felt he was leaving too much behind. Since it was only ever Liam who he had as a given in his life, and since his brother was also his manager and as such was on the road with him more often than not, Killian didn’t feel the weight of separation.

Now, however, things were changing. One might argue it was because he was on the American circuit and his new games weren’t in enthralling places like Paris or Milan, but in small suburbs outside cities he’d never thought to see. Yet Killian knew that the real reason for the change was simpler than that. The problem was home – or rather Los Angeles – had a certain person in residence who did not get to come on these trips with him, and the more he got to know Emma Swan, the harder it was to take these jaunts out on the road for the sake of a game. It was likely crazy to feel this way, but Killian wouldn’t lie to himself. He missed Emma when he was gone, and finally he understood all that regret other more settled teammates had been feeling all these years.

It was of great comfort to him then that tonight he was back at his place in LA once more. Minutes ago he’d said goodbye to Tiny down stairs and now Killian was filled with anticipation and a need to get things going. He could do with a shower straight away, and food would probably be a good thing this time of night when he’d had none so far, but any unpacking could wait until morning. Right now Killian was hoping to speed things up as much as he could to get to Emma. He pulled out his phone and started to craft a text seeing if she was still up. It wasn’t too late yet, and he knew from their conversations this morning that she didn’t have any early morning commitments tomorrow, but he’d hate to call and disturb her if her plans had changed. Unfortunately just as he was about to press send on the text, a call came in disrupting him. A picture of his brother and Liam’s name appeared on the screen and Killian groaned at the interruption, but decided to answer in the hopes of conducting a speedy conversation.

“Liam, I’m sorry I haven’t checked in the past few days, but I’m actually just -,”

“You’re not seriously blowing me off are you, Killian?” his brother asked from where he was half a world away, and though to others it might sound a bit standoffish, Killian could sense his brother was actually in good humor. He could envision the smirk Liam had going there across the pond, and he was glad things had started to calm between them since Killian was first shipped off to the states. “It’s been a whole week at this point.”

“Aye, it’s bad form to be dodging my manager, I know,” Killian agreed.

“Ha! Your manager – I’m your brother first Killian, as you well know. Question is, what’s got you so busy. You’re ‘on a roll’ as they say over there. Stats are looking good and there’s still a buzz about you over here. But are the States so entirely exhausting that you can’t call your family?”

“Not quite,” Killian said with a smile of his own as he looked about his apartment figuring he could kill two birds with one stone. He could straighten up a bit on the off chance Emma could come here later and also touch base with his brother.

“So what is it then?” Liam asked and Killian hesitated, not because he had any shame over his relationship with Emma. On the contrary, he was thrilled that the two of them were progressing as they were. Instead his worry came from Liam’s potential reaction, and that worry was proved of merit when Liam spoke again. “Oh for fuck’s sake, tell me it’s not some woman.”

“Liam -,” Killian wanted to immediately correct his brother’s resentfulness and assure him Emma was different and unlike anyone he’d known before, but he didn’t have the chance with Liam fully blowing up at the realization.

“God, I knew this ‘new leaf’ was too good to be true! Here I am campaigning for you, working my arse off to get your image back where it needs to be for a proper team return, and you’re shagging some random American woman and throwing it all away!”

“I’m not throwing anything away. And she’s not just some woman,” Killian growled back, his hand balling into a fist and his body tightening in anger at his brother’s harsh iterations.

“Oh I bet. If you’ve glommed on to her she’s bound to be a total disaster,” Liam said haughtily. “Let me guess: she’s a great lay right? But with her sexual abilities there’s always some kind of rubbish. My bet its either a fully-stunted personality or some sort of fucked up gold-digging ambitions. Am I right?”

“No you aren’t bloody right, and I’m telling you Liam if you don’t stop talking about Emma that way you will regret it.”

“Oh Emma is it?”

“Aye, Emma,” Killian said, releasing a breath and trying to be the bigger person here. He could admit that he had made bad choices in the past, and the fall out of those choices had made Liam’s life and job no doubt more complicated. Rationally Killian knew that he was the one the burden fell on to be the bigger person, but it was difficult when his elder brother was giving in to such theatrics. They both knew Killian hadn’t been in the habit of sleeping with every eligible lady in the whole United Kingdom, that was all a part of his unearned reputation, but hashing that point out in this moment would do nothing. What needed to be said was of an entirely different nature. “I hadn’t planned to get into this just now, I was hoping to introduce the two of you when you came in a few months so you could see that she’s different. She’s everything.”

“Everything? Christ, Killian, she’s just a woman!”

“No, she’s the woman, brother,” Killian said aggressively, and then it dawned on him – this wasn’t worth his time. If Liam was coming at this with such combative, head-strong energy he was never going to listen. As such they were just moving towards a larger fight, a bigger blow out with more hurt along the way. It would be better to shut it down now and deal with the fall out later, at least that way the whole night might not be ruined and he might yet get to see Emma. “You know what, let’s just call and end to this. It’s been a long day, and I’m not interested in whatever judgment you’ve got rattling around in your brain right now. You don’t know Emma, Liam. You don’t know us together. Hell you don’t even really know me anymore. So let’s just say I’ll call you in a week, or better yet you can email me any business particulars and I’ll see you when I see you.”

Killian ended the call before Liam could respond and turned his phone on the ‘do not disturb’ setting. Was it rude? Yes, but it felt warranted under the circumstances. He didn’t need that kind of negativity in his life, and when his brother felt a little more compassionate and a little more interested in trusting Killian’s judgment they’d speak again. For now, Killian returned once more to the text he was about to send Emma only to hear a knock at the door. Now who could that be this time of night?

“Can I help you?” Killian asked as he opened the door to his apartment. A young man with a bike stood before him and the kid nodded, handing Killian a package and a tablet for a signature.

“Delivery for Jones.”

“Right. Thanks, mate,” Killian said as he accepted. He shut the door behind him and examined the parcel. He knew he hadn’t ordered anything but when he saw the return address he grinned. It was from Emma. But what could it be?

Opening it up Killian discovered it was of all things a cassette tape and an accompanying player. Thank God she’d thought to include that last part because he certainly didn’t have one, but before he could listen he had to search for a note. He found a short one attached and read it as quick as he could.

‘This song wouldn’t exist without us.’

Killian felt his pulse quickening as he maneuvered the tape out of its holder and into the player, his conversation with his brother all but forgotten. It was a Walkman style set up, something straight out of the 90s but the fun of the nostalgia was undeniable. He was already in the best mood possible by the time he had the headphones on, but then he pressed play on the tape and he was awed into something else.

The music that came through the device and into his ears was unexpected but brilliant. It moved him in a way he truly hadn’t seen coming. This was no mixtape of throwback songs, this was something new, something bold, and something truly remarkable. Killian was certain it was one of Emma’s own compositions, and he stood there surrounded by the essence of her music trying to fathom how one person could have such talent. Too soon the song came to an end, but just as Killian was about to hit rewind to play it again Emma’s voice flittered through the air giving the name of the song, ‘Ready for You,’ and the intended scene it should go with on the series she was working on with Tiana.

Another realization dawned at that part, not just from the title, but from the purpose of the song as well. He’d been speaking with Emma on and off all week about the orchestrations she needed to work on, and one of them was the theme for one of the show’s heroines and her love interest. According to Emma the two characters (neither of which were played by Ruby) were ‘endgame,’ and he was now sworn to secrecy because no one knew of that except for Emma and Tiana. So to have Emma saying that it was their relationship that sparked this kind of music with this intended meaning… well it was just about the clearest way he could think for Emma to show him that she was in fact ready for the next step between them.

Understanding now what Emma’s intention must have been Killian moved swiftly, abandoning his original plans and throwing on his leather jacket once more. He grabbed his phone, debating as he walked to the doorway whether or not he should call Emma on the way. Such debate was not actually needed, however, because when he opened the door again he very nearly ran into the woman he was trying to get to in such a haste.

“Emma,” he declared, shocked that she would be here but so bloody grateful he couldn’t find the words.

“Hey. I was hoping you were back by now, and I got the delivery receipt for the package, but I didn’t think you would have plans already,” Emma said as she took in his appearance that was ready for departure. “I shouldn’t have assumed. I’ll just -,”

Not wanting Emma to doubt even for a moment that he was thrilled she had come, Killian pulled her to him and kissed her out there in the hallway. He felt her wariness slip away the instant their lips met and through some sort of coordination he couldn’t actively control he maneuvered them both inside of his apartment. Words weren’t needed as he got them inside and pushed Emma against the now closed door, his body fueled by the feel of hers beneath him and the way she held on to him like she loathed the very thought of being parted. There was no space between them, no end to the passion in sight, but Killian wanted one last affirmation before they took this final plunge.

“Stay with me tonight, love,” he whispered as his mouth remained just inches from hers. He watched her eyes open, the jade color now darkened from the exchange they’d just had but they lit with the smile she shared at his request.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

With her approval Killian locked the door and now the decision wasn’t one of how far to go but just exactly how to play it. He’d fantasized about this almost since their first meeting, concocted at least a hundred scenarios in his head and imagined each corner of this apartment as having some kind of potential, but the first time he was truly with Emma, Killian knew it had to be in bed. That wasn’t to say they were in any kind of rush though, and the build up, of which he was planning quite a lot, could happen anywhere she damn well pleased.

Emma, meanwhile, had no problem indicating what she wanted. She was unwilling to break away from him, kissing him surely as she had been, both of their hands roaming, leaving trails that inspired more hunger along the way. It was as if they were famished for the connection and too long denied the promise of this part of their chemistry. In no time at all Emma had managed to rid Killian of his jacket and most of the buttons on his shirt while also leading them to the living room. She was making good time, trying to tear away the layers that separated them until they were all gone, but it seemed it wasn’t fast enough, as Emma looked at him and let out a frustrated sigh of air.

“Something wrong, Swan?” Killian asked with a grin, knowing full well there was nothing the world over that could possibly be calculated as amiss when he and Emma were like this. No, her frustration was all of a sexual nature, and he watched as his words, rough from the need he had for her, washed over her skin and sent a shiver through her.

“This is taking too long,” she said with what might have been considered a pout and Killian chuckled as they moved in through the kitchen and come up against the counter. Then he surprised her by spinning her in his embrace and coming right up behind her, his hands clasped on her waist to pull her back.

Killian pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder, his lips trailing down from her ear lobe and lower, finding a spot at her neck he’d noticed that she was sensitive at before. He took slow, torturous care of riling her up in a way that had her wanting all the more, his hands moving across the delicate dress that clung to her figure. He knew in his heart she’d worn this for him, in the hopes of pushing things further tonight, and he had no more ability to resist. This scrap of red silk was beautiful, but it couldn’t compare to the woman underneath and Killian was ready to reveal his prize. He unzipped it with just enough patience to tease them both and then he let the garment fall as he pushed the straps off her bared shoulders.

“We have all night, Emma,” he assured her as his fingertips traced her now mostly naked flesh. “And far longer too, as you well know.”

Killian watched the harsh swallow that came at his words, but Emma wasn’t running from his actions or his words. Instead she turned back around in his arms and took control back once more, pulling him in for another needy kiss that he caved into immediately. So much for slowing this down, Killian thought to himself. Now Emma was even more set on finding release, and he was right there with her.

“I know we have time,” Emma said when they came up for air again and her eyes locked on his, her hand trailing down to the button of his slacks, grazing down his bare chest and abs in the process and making his already undeniable ache to have her grow. “And trust me, I’m happy for it. But we’ve already waited so long… I don’t think I can stand to wait anymore. I need you, Killian. I need you now.”

What more was there to say? When the woman he loved made her wants and wishes known it was Killian’s job to see to it that he did everything he could to procure them for her. It was in no way a hardship given how much he wanted her as well, and besides, they could have the slow and steady seduction he’d anticipated later. Far, far later after he’d wrung out every last drop of passion from her tonight.

They hurried back to his room, both of them of the same mind this time and now words weren’t needed any more. Their remaining clothes were stripped away, and by the time they’d hit the bed they were both beyond rational planning or design. This was pure instinct, and all Killian could think was that he had to make her come, had to satisfy every last desire his Swan could have. He knew he was on his way to accomplishing that as he moved above her, his lips tracing down her body past the tender peaks of her breasts, over the gentle swell of her stomach, and down to the space between her thighs that had been driving him mad for weeks.

“Killian.”

Emma said his name not in warning or in censure but as a sigh of need. His eyes flicked back up to hers and he saw the nearly wild appearance that had settled in them. Lust had consumed her, and Killian had known as much without even looking. Every sound, every movement that came from Emma told him exactly what she wanted, and he was nothing if not persistent when it came to reading the signs. Because of this he knew that even as she pleaded for him to sate her desire immediately, she actually wanted just a touch more anticipation. He bit lightly at her inner thigh, feeling her jump and then shake underneath the soothing of his tongue after. He did the same thing to the other side, moving closer to her sex, and only after a few more heartbeats did he give in, tasting her on his tongue as she let herself go to the sensations.

It was an out of body experience to know he was giving Emma so much all at once. Nothing could compare to it, and he didn’t even think to try and draw connections. This was already so much more than a simple shag; it was intimacy designed with meaning and with purpose. Every flick of his tongue, every suck, every kiss, was all done in the name of seeing Emma reach heaven itself, but when she finally fell into the ecstasy she was seeking it was Killian who was flush with fulfillment. It became clear that this was rapidly becoming an addiction, and as he kissed his way back up her body and came above her, looking at the pink that had crept into her cheeks and the satisfaction that swam about her gaze, Killian realized there would be no coming back from Emma Swan. This woman had run away with his heart completely and he was fundamentally changed from knowing and loving her.

Their tender moment was short lived however, for Emma had sacrificed none of her energy in finding her enjoyment. Indeed she surprised him, switching their positions and undertaking a perusal of her own that left him reeling. Damn she was a siren, a bloody minx who was hell bent on riling him to a state that would be unforgiveable, but how could he blamed when she had her mouth on him? It was sublime and indescribable, but when he was just at the edge of falling apart himself he stopped her and took back the reins once more. The time for waiting was over. All he could think about was filling her, sheathing himself inside her and never turning back.

“Fuck,” he grunted to himself as he paused just before taking what they both wanted.

“That’s kind of the idea,” Emma said with a laugh that turned into a slight moan from her still lingering desire. “What’s the hold up here, Jones?”

“I left the condoms on the counter. Just a minute, love.” He moved to get them but Emma held tighter and shook her head.

“You don’t have to. I’m on the pill.”

Holy shit, he didn’t know what to say to that and his hard length jerked at the words. The thought of being with Emma without a barrier was enough to drive him mad. If things were already blindingly glorious between them, what indescribable ecstasy would be procured from taking her bare?

“Are you sure, Emma? I’m clean of course. Just had my physicals with the new team doctors, and I’ve never actually gone without…”

“Me either,” Emma replied softly as her hand came to brush some of his hair from his forehead. “But I want to. With you.”

Since that want was of a fully mutual variety Killian offered no rebuttal, only giving in and taking what they both were craving so desperately. The moment he filled her was too fantastic to put to words, and he could have stayed there forever if Emma hadn’t begged him to move. The rhythm they set was perfection itself, crafted from a bond needed between two people that couldn’t ever be contrived. It made the claims of stories and fairytales, the ones about soul mates and perfect matches seem a little more realistic, for surely this could never be this way with another. This love he felt for Emma was cosmic, causing a shift Killian swore he could feel down to his bones, but when it came to an end and they both cried out in relief, it was the aftermath that truly took his breath away.

Holding onto Emma and having her in his arms cuddled beside him was a luxury he knew she rarely bestowed on others. Emma was guarded, cautious, and careful with her heart. She had been wary at the start, and with good reason, but as weeks went on Emma admitted that getting close to people always scared her. Truth be told Killian had often felt the same way. Love was a means of getting hurt, a fanciful notion that distracted from the game and never worked out in the end, but his old cynical notions of love no longer held water. For in this moment there was no way to deny what was between them. Tonight both Emma and Killian had shed the last pieces of doubt and of caution, and now they were truly in this together.

“So that was…” Emma paused as her fingers traced over his chest and a smile bloomed upon her lips. “Definitely worth waiting for.”

“On that we most certainly agree, love,” Killian said happily, seeing the call of sleep washing over Emma and feeling a similar tug into slumber himself.

“And I’m waking you up in a few hours for more,” she joked with a yawn. “You promised, no more waiting.”

“Aye, Swan. No more waiting. Not any more.”

He pressed a final kiss to the crown of her head, and a few moments later, as sleep finally claimed them both, Killian fell asleep smiling, knowing that life held so much promise now that he had Emma. And no matter what came next, and no matter where their paths might lead, Killian would do whatever it took to keep them like this – happy, connected, and together – for now and for always.

Post-Note: So there we have it. Another chapter come and gone and we find our couple just about in the happiest spot they can be. Rest assured this story, like all my stories so far, intends to give CS truly happy situations, and while there will be some bumps in the road ahead, it’s smooth sailing for the time being. Anyway I thank you all so much for reading, commenting, and messaging me! Your enthusiasm has been wonderful and I love hearing your thoughts. Hope you have a great rest of your weekend and thanks for being fabulous!

#captain swan #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #cs fic #cs ff #cs fluff #cs au #cs mc #emma swan #killian jones #the whole storybrooke gang #liam jones #scoring your love au #Scoring Your Love #scoring 10 #ouat soccer fic #cs soccer fic #soccer star killian #musician!Emma

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ellanainthetardis · 6 years

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Enter the in-laws...

[ff] or [ao3]

Chapter 47 : The Dragon’s Lair

“Remind me why I have to go with you again?” Haymitch winced as Effie lined the pink convertible car up the curb. The moment she turned off the ignition he stopped clinging to his seat.

He had never known she could drive before because the Capitol always provided cars and Avox drivers for them during the Games and the Tour. Those privileges had ended when they had left the penthouse though and, unless it was for an official matter when a car would be sent to collect them, they were left either ordering a private car with driver from an obscure company or driving the – very – pink convertible Effie kept secreted away in the underground garage of her apartment building.

He wasn’t exactly a fan of her driving style. She clearly liked speed and abrupt jerking of the car into a line or another.

“Because…” she snapped – for the third time that evening – pulling down the sun visor to check her reflection in the small rectangular mirror. “I cannot avoid Mother anymore and she has expressly ordered me to bring you with me.” She popped the visor back into place and flashed him a confident smile that seemed very fake to him. “You are the Capitol’s darling right now, it should grant you some leeway. Just… Don’t bite when she baits.”

She climbed out of the car before he could object one more time that he really didn’t want to do this. Being officially introduced to her family during a dinner that seemed so formal he had been forced to wear an expensive suit and a tie wasn’t exactly his idea of fun. And with the Tour just around the corner, he really didn’t need any more hardship.

He supposed her parents had a point in wanting to meet him though. Things were different in the Capitol but if they had been in Twelve… It was only natural to want to know the man who was living with their daughter.

Even if it would mean a whole evening of torture – Effie had warned him not to expect any less.

With a sigh, he got out of the car, not forgetting the bottle of wine he had been tasked with carrying, and inspected the huge house while she locked the convertible and made the keychain disappear in her small clutch. It looked… very neat. White walls, gleaming black door with a golden number on top and a door-knocker shaped like a roaring lion.

Effie’s hand slipped into his and squeezed.

“I am sorry for dragging you into this.” she offered. “They won’t be pleased once they understand we are serious about… Well…”

“Being together for better or for worse?” he snorted, brushing his thumb against the iris shaped ring. It was half hidden by a monstrous pear shaped diamond. On purpose, he figured.

She looked a little nervous and it didn’t help making him feel at ease. He knew her family wasn’t exactly all warm and fuzzy but he didn’t like the spark of panic he could see dancing in her eyes. This was something she would really have avoided if given a choice.

“Come on.” he smirked, nudging her shoulder with his and steering her up the small alley that led to the porch stairs. “We faced worse sponsors, yeah?”

“I am not sure, truth be told.” she whispered, clutching her small purse so hard her knuckles went white. “You must understand… I am not in any habit of bringing my boyfriends home. I only did that a couple of times.”

“That bad?” he asked, distracted by how imposing the house was once you stood directly in front of the door. Not that he was impressed but it was clearly meant to make the visitors feel crushed by its greatness. Capitols and their need to establish their position…

“The ones who didn’t fall in love with Lyssa usually ended up agreeing with my mother just to please her.” she gritted through her teeth. “And my mother loves nothing more than criticizing me.”

He shot her a disbelieving glance, unhappy to notice she seemed to be shrinking on herself. “Yeah, well… At least with me you know you’re safe from that, sweetheart.”

Her smile was small but amused. She lifted her hand to knock and then let it fall, biting down on her bottom lip. “How do I look?”

He gave her a lazy once-over. She had a red dress on, a short little number made out of crisscrossing broad bands of fabric that formed thicker patches in the right areas and showed off some triangles of skin here and there at her waist, shoulders and back. She knew he liked it on her even if he had never really admitted as much aloud. The heels were impossibly high shiny red things that made her legs look even longer. The wig was a dark blue, almost black, bob trimmed with gemstones - it was also a favorite of his because unlike her colorful numbers this one could have actually looked natural. And the make-up was just over the top as usual, her skin had golden hues, the thick fake eyelashes adorned with smaller gemstones looked heavy and the navy blue lipstick was too dark for his liking. And, of course, there was the open voluminous fur coat he would never run out of jokes about.

“Ugly as ever.” he mocked.

Instead of whacking his shoulder and narrowing her eyes at him though, she looked worried and immediately started fumbling with his tie as if it needed urgent straightening.

“Do not joke about this tonight.” she begged. “I need to know if something is wrong with my appearance before I enter the dragon’s lair because…”

“Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart.” he frowned, gently wrapping his hand around hers and nudging them away from his tie. “It’s gonna be fine.”

“I will consider it fine if there are no murders.” she muttered. “Whatever you do, do try not to antagonize my father before I have secured the country house.”

Before he could answer that, she used the door-knocker. The door opened so quickly he was sure the man had been standing right there the whole time, ready to make them look like fools who had dawdled in front of the house for no good reason.

The butler – he assumed he was a butler – respectfully bowed at them with a quiet “Good evening, Miss; Good evening, Sir.” that immediately made Haymitch uncomfortable. Avoxes, he knew how to deal with by now, but members of staff… He always felt awkward around them, not sure how to act.

“Thank you, Jenkins.” Effie answered, handing the man her coat as if it was completely natural. Haymitch followed her lead after a small hesitation.

“Euphemia!” a woman exclaimed with obvious theatrics, appearing in the hallway with enough flair that she must have rehearsed her entrance. “At last! I am very crossed with you. One would think you were cutting off your own mother.”

Elindra Trinket looked every bit the stereotypical Capitol he had expected her to be. Puffy turquoise blue hairdo, outrageous make-up, a face and a body so pumped with plastic it was difficult to say what she had originally looked like and an outfit that would have been more appropriate on someone ten years younger.

“What in Panem are you wearing?” the woman hissed, swooping on them only to walk in a wild circle around Effie, apparently horrified by her outfit. “I did say it would be a family dinner but, still, I expected you to make an effort. Lyssa is wearing the most darling evening gown. Do ask her for her stylist’s address.”

“Don’t blame her. I chose her dress.” he cut in with clenched teeth, angry at the way Effie took everything on the chin without even trying to protest, as if she was not only expecting the dressing-down but also somehow thought she deserved it. “I happen to like it.”

Effie looked up at him with wide incredulous – and maybe slightly reproachful – eyes but he kept his attention on her mother. He knew how to recognize a threat and that woman was one. Not a physical danger, maybe, because he could have snapped her neck in record time but she was obviously a menace.

Blue eyes identical to Effie inspected him from head to toe in very much the same fashion he had studied the house. Displeasure and loathing flashed on her face but it was so quickly hidden behind a polite curious interested mask Haymitch could have almost believed he had dreamed it.

“There is no accounting for taste, I suppose.” the woman answered after a few seconds, in a controlled voice in which harshness clearly peaked. “I am delighted to meet you, Haymitch. You do not mind if I call you by your first name, do you? After all… You are a special friend of the family now. It is such an honor to have you over for dinner… Why, the two-times Quarter Quell victor… My friends are quite jealous. I promised them I would organize some sort of get-together soon. I was confident you would not mind.”

“Really, Mother, that’s…” Effie hissed.

“Quiet, Euphemia.” the Capitol interrupted. “Mind your manners.”

Haymitch felt such a wave of fury that he found it wiser to simply hand over the bottle of wine he had selected and carried under Effie’s instructions – despite the fact it had been torture to choose it, but he had walked into the store and he had come back without having touched a drop, leaving the tasting to her, and there was some pride to find there.

“How very thoughtful!” the woman exclaimed, immediately passing the bottle to the butler who was lurking nearby, probably for this exact purpose. “Jenkins, see that this wine is served with the roast. Now, follow me to the living-room. We were having some amuse-bouches.”

He grabbed Effie’s hand and tugged her closer to his side as they walked behind her mother, leaning in to whisper in her ear. “Wouldn’t discount murder, after all.”

“If you try to defend me every time, you will spend the night arguing with her.” she warned. “It is easier to let it go.”

“No, it’s not.” he scowled, squeezing her fingers.

There were more people in the living-room than he had expected. Mrs Trinket graciously waved them in, placing a falsely affectionate hand on Haymitch’s shoulder as he passed. “You are already acquainted with Lyssandra and her husband Rufus Flavershym, I believe?”

“Yeah.” he answered, smiling at Lyssa and nodding a little less genuinely at the man with the slicked back black hair who he had crossed path with once or twice when the guy had been playing Gamemaker. Effie hated his guts and that was good enough for him. He turned to the other man who was currently sitting in a white armchair, his pale blue eyes watching him. “You must be Effie’s dad.”

He knew he was violating every rule of good society but he rejoiced in it. He had listened to Effie rant enough times to know he was supposed to wait after being introduced to call out to someone. It wasn’t because he pretended to be deaf to her lectures that he didn’t remember a few things.

Effie visibly tensed next to him.

“An astute observation.” the man chuckled without any amusement, gracefully standing up from his chair to outstretch a hand. “Tadius Trinket. You may call me Tadius if you wish.”

It wasn’t an open invitation to do so but Haymitch shook the hand and took great pleasure in repeating the man’s name as if he had known him forever. Those people were already irking him and he would delight in pressing their every button.

Lyssa cut through the obvious tension by embracing her sister with genuine warmth and then air kissing Haymitch’s cheeks as if they were long lost friends. Followed a few minutes of chaos when Effie greeted everyone properly only to latch on his hand again as soon as she was able to. He wasn’t sure how they ended up sitting on a couch or how he ended up being forced to eat disgusting slimy things he was quickly informed were snails with garlic.

“So refined.” he deadpanned.

It was unlucky Elindra mistook it for a compliment.

The conversation remained strictly limited to the weather, Lyssa and Rufus’ sons and the new art exhibit that would soon open. Haymitch didn’t speak unless spoken too, slightly taken aback by what appeared to be, for all intent and purposes, a well-rehearsed play in which everyone knew their lines and when best to deliver them. Effie remarked on how cold it was getting, Lyssa observed it had been colder the previous year, Rufus sighed with obvious regret and lamented that the Controlled Weather Center wasn’t better supervised, Elindra agreed with her son-in-law wholeheartedly and asked how his dear – and notably wealthy – parents were doing. At that point, Tadius redirected the conversation on his grandsons’ school success.

Everything seemed so cold and distant… Even the decoration looked that way. Classy – or what Capitols considered classy – but austere, lacking any warmth… The style was so clean and white he understood why Effie was so obsessed with putting colors everywhere. She was such a cheerful positive warm person it was chilling to realize she had been forced to grow up in that kind of environment.

The only real mishap happened when Haymitch refused a flute of champagne and Mrs Trinket seemed to take it as a personal affront. Despite his insistence that he didn’t need a drink, she persisted in having a maid fetch him some liquor-free cocktail, making such a great show of it not being a problem that it was obviously meant to make Haymitch feel like a nuisance.

Effie was embarrassed but he couldn’t quite tell on whose behalf.

It was almost amusing, the way they treated him. He was a victor – not just any victor either but the current one and a two-times Quell winner at that – and it conferred him a certain status they couldn’t just dismiss. He was famous after all and in fashion - two things they revered. However he was also from a District and very much not from their world and yet he was standing with their sister-in-law or daughter as if he was her equal and it clearly riled them up the wrong way. The only one who treated him fairly was Lyssa, something Effie seemed both grateful for and a bit suspicious of.

He was relieved when they were invited to pass into the dining-room but it was short-lived. It seemed they had exhausted all the safe topics and the conversation was now turning to the Games. Elindra and Tadius were presiding and he was sitting between Lyssa and her mother, facing Effie. Although given how wide the table was, she could have been sitting at the other end of the country. He couldn’t touch her, he couldn’t really discreetly talk to her…

They were on their own and he was sure the separation had been on purpose.

“When does the Tour start again?” Rufus asked Effie who didn’t look thrilled to be sitting next to him.

“In two weeks.” she answered evenly, cutting the tomatoes in her salad in small pieces.

“You must be impatient to go back home, Haymitch.” Tadius remarked casually. “You have been away for a long time. You will stay in Twelve at the end of the Tour, I assume?”

“That’s not really the idea, no.” he denied. “I’m coming back with Effie.”

The announcement was followed by a small displeased silence that Effie abruptly put an end to by clearing her throat. “The Tour promises to be grand, this year. Be sure not to miss it.”

Haymitch’s mood darkened even more with that comment. It had been made clear to them that the Tour wouldn’t be like the previous one but would go back to being what it usually was: propaganda. Riots and rebellions must have been subdued for good in the Districts because the schedules and instructions Effie had been given included sightseeing and greet and meet with other victors as well as speeches and the usual dinners with the mayors. He wasn’t looking forward to it. At all.

“You must be so happy to retire on two victories…” Lyssa replied, smiling at her sister. “I am really proud of you, Effie.”

Effie smiled back and Haymitch dared hope that this would be the end of that but as soon as the ballet of maids had taken away the empty plates and replaced them with others full of roast and – admittedly – delicious looking vegetables, Elindra attacked again. “I heard through the grapevine you had taken a job for Lavello Miclay, dear?”

Effie briefly met Haymitch’s eyes and there was a note of warning in there that told him he was supposed to stay out of the conversation. He focused on cutting his meat. He knew she had agreed to go on the catwalk as a guest model for some stylist the following spring… He didn’t quite care. She liked modeling, it made her happy and it wasn’t like it was any of his business.

He also knew what it was she really wanted to do next and he knew why Harwyn invited her to lunches and dinners so often – it was possible the stylist had mentioned it to him and requested he tried to out-stubborn her on the question – but Effie refused any discussion on the matter.

It wasn’t like she could hide her sketches from him. Not when it was something she liked to do on the quiet nights when they were watching TV or when he was reading a book… She had pads full of dresses, suits, outfits and the likes… He wasn’t certain how Harwyn had gotten his hands on them but he knew the man thought she could do something with them. Except she was determined to dismiss them as a mere hobby that didn’t deserve any attention.

“That’s true.” she confirmed. “Although it has not been officially announced yet.”

“Effie…” Elindra sighed with tangible frustration and a touch of disappointment. “You should know better, darling. You are thirty-five now… Who keeps modeling at thirty-five? They will turn you into a joke if you are not careful…”

“What’s her age got to do with anything?” Haymitch growled, irritated on her behalf. “She’s more gorgeous than any of those other chicks.”

Mrs Trinket recoiled a little, clearly not used to being addressed that way.

“Love makes you blind.” Rufus laughed but quickly backtracked when his wife glared at him. “No offence, Effie, you are lovely. But those models… Why, I am always impressed by how many beautiful girls there are in the city…”

“Might be ‘cause your city wouldn’t know beautiful if it knocked it on the head.” he spat.

“Haymitch, enough.” Effie snapped quietly.

He glared at her, not keen on being scolded like a child in public. “Easy, sweetheart.”

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him before turning her gaze to her mother. “Your concern is touching, Mother, but I know what I am doing. Thank you.”

“You intend to go back into modeling, then?” Tadius clarified with obvious disinterest, as if she had just expressed a wish to take up pottery classes.

“Do not be preposterous.” Elindra objected. “She cannot. She is too old. No… Now she is going to do the sensible thing and settle down with a nice husband.” The woman waved a dismissive hand toward Haymitch. “No offense, Haymitch, but this affair cannot last forever, you surely realize. It is all well and good for now but I am fairly sure you are both aware it will have to end sooner rather than later.”

Haymitch kept his features schooled into a blank sort of detachment.

He had expected an intervention of some kind but maybe not such an open one. It lacked subtlety. They must either be very scared of Effie being reckless enough to intend to make it permanent or very fed up with her ignoring them for so long.

“Mother.” Lyssa winced. “I really do not believe…”

“It is not for you to believe or not.” Elindra scolded. “We are all civilized reasonable people here, after all.”

“Are we?” he scoffed.

“For the most part.” the woman huffed, leaving no doubt as to whom the other part referred to.

“Actually…” Effie hummed, after neatly crossing her fork and her knife in her mostly empty plate. “I do intend to work in the fashion field once more.”

“Not as a stylist.” Elindra begged, her worries suddenly switching course. “You have had that folly in your head for years and I told you times and times again…”

“I lack talent. Yes. I understood you loud and clear.” Effie interrupted her. Haymitch’s hand clenched into a fist but he forced himself to relax, filing that away for later consideration. “Faun Harwyn is looking into someone to replace the current manager of his designer house. He is retired but he keeps a keen eye on his legacy, as you all know. He wants me to take the position.”

There was a long silence. Haymitch figured she had impressed them at last.

He wondered how more impressed they would be if they knew it wasn’t just the managing Harwyn wanted her to take over, but the designing department as well. He wanted her to become the main stylist, something she kept dismissing as a joke to everyone’s growing frustration.

“That is excellent news!” Tadius congratulated her after a few seconds. “Well done, Effie.”

“Thank you, Father.” she beamed and then took such an innocent tone Haymitch immediately became mistrustful. “Oh, this reminds me… I meant to ask you if you still owned the country house?”

“I never got around to sell it.” her father confirmed with a frown. “Although I cannot vouch for the state it is in. It would need repairs, I wager. Did you want to borrow it for a party?”

The Capitol said that in the bored resigned tone of a man used to such requests from his wife and daughters.

“I was actually hoping you would rent it to me. A change of scenery is in order, something quieter but within easy reach of the city for obvious reasons… I would like to move in after the Tour.” she announced cheerfully. And, as if the news hadn’t shocked the others enough, she added with a bright smile: “With Haymitch.”

Haymitch rubbed his mouth to hide his smirk but he couldn’t help his eyes from sparkling with mirth as he met her gaze over the table. You could have heard a pin drop.

“Of course.” Tadius replied in an even voice. “I will have it ready by then.”

“Tadius!” Elindra protested in a shrill squeal.

“Yes, dear, I do believe it is time to bring in the salmon.” the man nodded, gesturing at the staff to proceed to the next course, ignoring his wife.

Lyssa quickly launched a conversation about some movie she had just seen and when Elindra tried to voice her protests, Tadius firmly and politely made her understand it wasn’t welcomed. While Elindra fumed over her untouched plate, Haymitch and Effie exchanged triumphant but amused looks.

Dinner went on like this for the next two courses and dessert – at which point Haymitch was completely full – and he was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel that had been that evening when Tadius stood up and invited him and Rufus to follow him to his study for some digestives while the ladies retreated to the living-room for some tea and light conversation.

Haymitch honestly wondered in what century those people were living in.

Effie’s small wince told him to be wary of the earlier easy compliance of her father.

This reeked of a trap he had no choice but to willingly enter.

#hayffie #effie trinket #haymitch abernathy #into that good night

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shippingtheswann · 6 years

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MODEL BEHAVIOR A Captain Swan modern AU by @shippingtheswann for the @captainswanbigbang 2017 year!

SUMMARY: Emma is an up and coming model living in LA with her best friend Ruby. Killian is a star baseball player for the LA Dodgers. Their families are close - and they grew up together. However, what happens after not seeing each other for 6 years - when they are forced back into a situation that requires them to reconnect and explore what was once there.

RATING: Explicit

WARNING: There will be smut later in the story, some mention of violence, hard language, mention of pregnancy loss

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

Special shout out to Monica @acaptainswaneternity - the artist with this story. I have loved everything she has done for me - so make sure to check her out! She made an amazing cover and the best image sets for each chapter.

Another huge shout out to Nicola @alocin209 who beta read everything and tried to keep me on target!

Can also be found on FF - Chapter One; Chapter Two; Chapter Three; Chapter Four; Chapter Five; Chapter Six; Chapter Seven; Chapter Eight; Chapter Nine; Chapter Ten

A/N: Welcome to the end. I hope you have enjoyed the adventures we went on and the story I wrote. I know many of you are going to kill me for how I ended the story, but don't hate me too much!

Since we are at the end, I have to give another huge shout out to Monica and Nicola who helped with the story a thousand times over. I couldn't have done it without them!

Waking up in Killian's arms the next morning was everything Emma thought it would be and so much more. It was still hard for her to believe that all of this was true, that she finally got what she used to wish for. They had had an amazing date, where he was nothing but a gentleman who doted on her and made her feel like she was worthy of something. Their dinner was filled with laughter and memories. In fact, Emma couldn't remember a time where she had more fun on a date. Sure, her only comparison was Neal, who never made her feel the way Killian did, but still, it was something. Then, coming back to her childhood home, only to be wrapped in Killian's strong arms and to feel the emotions he had for her, was mind boggling.

Halfway during the night, after the second round of sex that Killian was able to fit in, when Emma had to pee, she found herself worrying that it was all too good to be true. Everything was starting to fall into place and that was something she wasn't quite sure was possible. Maybe she was sick and this was all a fever dream and she was really back in LA with Ruby, doped up on Nyquil. Maybe she had a tumor, creating these magical scenarios in her mind that weren't real. All she knew was that there was no way in hell that this was at all possible. Her life was too fucked up for it to finally be good.

As she stood in the doorway watching Killian slumber, she did find herself pinching her arm, just to make sure this was all real. The pain was there. Emma couldn't help but smile, knowing that even though the past was screwed up, that they both had demons they had to constantly face, that they both had past lives that defined them, they had found each other. They had finally come back to what was right, what made sense.

Damn it, her mother was right. Love does find its way back to you when you least expect it. Emma caught herself using the term, and it didn't surprise or worry her as much as she feared. Love, she realized, was something that had always been lingering between them. Even when they were just friends, Emma knew she loved Killian Jones. The only difference was the fact that Emma finally knew what that love meant.

What she was feeling for him now was different than what she felt then. Sure, there was the normal feeling of joy whenever she was around him, the feeling that life just wasn't the same without him in it. But now, there was more. It was like life didn't make sense without him in it. Maybe that was why she had so many problems in LA, with her mom, with friends. Maybe without Killian to talk to, to support her, her life just didn't work.

Now that he had reappeared, at a time when she really did need him, things started to fall into place. She had made up with her mom, in fact she thought that their relationship would actually grow over the next few weeks, and that was something she wasn't prepared for. She had finally realized just how shitty her old friends were. She had finally come to terms with everything that had happened in their past.

It was all going fast though, she knew that. To think that she had fallen in love with him this quickly was a bit scary. But, she also knew that it was right. She had loved him before, so falling back into these feelings was normal. At least that is what she told herself.

She wasn't just scared because it was quick. She was scared because of what it could all mean. Yesterday, she told him to just let everything fall where it may, to go with the flow, to not worry. Now, things were different. She understood his trepidation about their relationship. She knew how much Neal's escapades hurt her and she knew that if anything was to happen with Killian, she would shatter completely. There was no coming back from this, there was nothing after.

She wouldn't tell him of these feelings, not yet. She would wait till they were on solid ground. She also couldn't help but think that these feelings were just because of the intimacy they shared the previous night. It was the post-coital glow and hormones that were making her feel this way. In the morning, in the harsh light of day, maybe she wouldn't feel like this. The emotion may still be there, but not as strong. It could also change over the next few weeks. They could find out that they just don't work together, that this time they shared was just because of a forced situation.

She hoped none of that was true, but this was her fashion. She always did this. Better to prepare for something that may never happen, then not be prepared at all. Better to hide your true feelings until everything is certain, than to jump head first into shallow water.

All of those thoughts though were for tomorrow, for a different day. For now, she just wanted to be in bed with the man who had given her the best orgasms of her life, and maybe get another one before her parents showed up.

Over the next three weeks things progressed traditionally. Emma is pretty sure her parents knew about her and Killian. She was expecting one of them to at least throw a fit about them sharing a bathroom, which would in turn have them learning they were sharing a bedroom. They were hoping they were keeping that particular fact a secret, but she was starting to notice the looks her mother kept throwing at her. They tore through her in a way she didn't think possible; it was like her mother knew exactly what Emma was feeling. It was like her mother could feel Emma's worry, fear, happiness, and even the giddiness that came from the playful smiles Killian would flash her. Her father must know as well, but didn't change his behavior at all. That surprised Emma, especially since she had always been daddy's little girl.

Henry knew for sure. He had caught them about a week later. Emma thought she had woken early enough to sneak downstairs for some coffee to surprise Killian. She didn't think to use her own bedroom door. So when she quietly exited Killian's room, with his shirt on, she was not expecting her little brother to be waiting for her. He was leaning against the wall across from the room, his PJs still on and rumpled. He looked just like their dad did in the mornings. His hair stuck out in random places and his face still showed the sleep it had just woken from.

She felt like the silence between them lasted for hours, when in reality it was probably only seconds. Henry was staring at her and she was unable to read his face. Was he pissed? Was he surprised? Did he even care? There was no smile on his face, just a flat line where his lips were pressed together. His brow wasn't furrowed, but it wasn't fully relaxed either.

"Well, well, well, well, well," he finally said in a slow voice that sounded almost accusatory.

"Henry, it's not…" she began before being interrupted.

"What I think? What I think is that you have been sleeping with Killian behind my back. What I think is that you've been dating him since you got back and you haven't told me. What I think is that you owe me big, like taking me out for drinks in LA big. Definitely big enough that I don't tell mom and dad what you all have been doing in the late night hours," he said as he finally smiled, letting Emma finally be able to piece together that her brother was jokingly trying to blackmail her.

"You little shit," Emma huffed under her breath, unsure if she should take him seriously or not. She could see the playfulness in his eyes now, but something also told her that he meant business.

"Hey, how else am I really going to experience LA. The true LA. You would never take me to a real bar if I didn't have something to force your hand," he said slyly.

"Fine, but not one word to mom or dad, and I'm only taking you to the bar, I'm not supplying you with anything," she countered.

"I don't know sis, I mean, I don't think mom would appreciate her bedding getting ruined in the way it has been. Think of all those poor sheets have been through. You know how she feels about those Laura Ashley prints," he replied.

Of course he would have a counter offer. He was going to milk this for all it was worth. Even if he seemed OK with what was happening between his sister and the neighbor, he was still going to use it to get what he wanted. She had taught him too well.

"Fine, one drink," she said, extending her hand out to him.

"One drink, but if I have to hear you two again in the middle of the night, you will owe me more," he said, shaking her hand and shocking her at the same time.

"What?" she bit out, petrified that the whole house had heard them earlier.

Yesterday, Killian had taken her down to the amusement park. It was a long ride, but so worth it. She hadn't seen him that much during the week, as baseball practice and time with his family took up much of his free time. She didn't mind though. She could tell being back on the field and back in somewhat good graces with his family was helping him heal. She even noticed him and his father talking during the week at a dinner. She wondered what they would be like at the traditional Nolan/Jones meal later that day.

They had spent the day riding rides and getting wet, in a non intimate way. Sure, Killian still found a way to turn everything Emma did into a innuendo, but it made her laugh, so she didn't mind. He held her hand tight on the roller coaster, cursing her as he did. He hated them, but Emma really loved them. She loved the feeling of her hair flying behind her. She loved the feeling the loops gave her stomach when she was at the very top of them. Killian, on the other hand, called them death traps and refused to get on them until Emma made him a deal he couldn't refuse. If he got on the ride with her now, she would show him a better ride later that night.

She blushed as she thought about it. The rest of the day was a blur to her, as her mind couldn't help but picture what was in store for them when they got back to the Nolan household. Since their night together, they indulged themselves every chance they got. They knew they had to be quiet though, as the walls in the Nolan house were pretty thin and her mother had a tendency to be nosy. She almost didn't make it an hour, she wanted to jump his bones right there outside a gross and disgusting public restroom in the park. He would have probably been down for it too. She was also tempted to pull him into one of the changing stalls near the water park of the amusement area, but decided against it as there were too many witnesses.

However, spending the next four hours watching him move around in his board shorts, his muscles flexing as he lifted the tubes up for their ride, drove her insane with need. She was going to show him a good ride that night, if she could only hold it together a while longer.

She knew he was having a hard time too, considering what she was wearing. She heard the audible gasp from him as she stepped out from the changing area, her bikini on full display. Emma knew the reason for the gasp, it was the same reason why she was a finalist for the new Victoria's Secret show. Her body perfectly filled out the yellow bikini. Her lines were toned and tanned just enough, yet she was curvy enough to be real. She remembered the compliment he gave her as he stepped into the dressing room himself. He had told her she was the most beautiful creature on the planet and he was one lucky bastard to get her all to himself.

After the water park, they gathered with the crowd at the main plaza to watch the water show and fireworks. Killian held her in his arms the entire time, not wanting to let go. She felt at peace; she felt home. Her head fit perfectly against his shoulder. Once, she had tried to do this with Neal, but his shoulder was too bony and he complained that her hair was in his face and was annoying him. Killian on the other hand, turned right into her hair. She knew he loved the smell of it. He pulled her closer as he took a deep breath, then rested his head on hers.

"This was a perfect day love, I am so glad I got to spend it with you," was all she heard before the fireworks began, causing them both to look up in awe.

After the longest car ride home of her life, she was finally able to give Killian her thanks. She thought they got home late enough that everyone had already gone to bed. She knew they couldn't be too loud, but the way Killian used his tongue against her clit, she couldn't help but shout out her first orgasm.

He had taken her by surprise; as soon as they walked into his room, he had her pinned against the door and her pants off in a flash. He was lapping at her like a man with a purpose within two minutes. His tongue was doing things to her it has never done before and she was starting to realize that he had skills she would never tire of. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but thank Milah, since she must have taught him some of this. He was so talented with his fingers, with his tongue, and with his cock, that she knew the woman who once broke his heart also taught him how to pleasure a woman.

As his fingers came up to join his tongue on their assault of her hardened nub, she came crashing down, but he never stopped. Killian kept licking, kept stroking, two of his fingers pulsing in and out of her hot core in a desperate fashion. It was like he needed her to come again, and quickly. She knew she couldn't hold in the pleasure any longer, and she must have screamed louder than necessary.

By the end, he had made her come twice more like that, pinned against the door while he worshipped her on his knees. She would have marks in the morning along her back and her legs felt like they were going to melt away any second, but she knew he wasn't done with her. He scooped her up and brought her to the bed, where he made her come two more times as he thrusted his cock into her.

She didn't think there were any additional ways for Killian to take her, not after the week of fucking they had done. He had taken her in just about every way imaginable. She was sore, but properly so. Never had a soreness felt so right and so good. Earlier in the week, he had taken her in the shower, something Neal had never done. It was a whole new experience, and one she wanted to relive soon. As Killian moved around her, she imagined her licking the droplets of water off of his skin, just as he had done to her. Her hands instinctively went to her soaking nub. She knew she would be so sore in the morning, that she would need a nice hot bath to rejuvenate her body, but it was all worth it.

"Love, I don't remember giving you permission to touch yourself," he scolded her as he moved into position.

Killian wasn't that type of lover, but she enjoyed the little game they had. It wasn't that he didn't like her touching herself, in fact he loved it. But in those moments, he always wanted her pleasure for himself.

"I wouldn't have to if you just took me already," she scolded him.

"Aye, that is just what I was about to do," he said, sliding into her.

Her wanting core gave no resistance to his cock. She was fully ready for him and a loud moan escaped her lips as his cock entered her. She was laying on her side, facing away from him. His lips at her neck and his hand holding her leg over his, just high enough to allow him to penetrate her deeply. He knew just what she needed, and it was always deep and hard. She had to feel him at all times, taking her, marking her, making her his.

Within minutes she was coming again, simply from the force of his cock sliding in and out of her wet quim. Never before had she come from just a cock. She used to always need the external stimulation, but Killian was not normal. She wasn't normal with him. She shook around him as he slowed his pace to begin to build her back up.

When she came for the last time, with his fingers playing with the other hole and with him now behind her, slamming into her hard, he came too, with a cry that she was almost sure could wake the neighborhood. She didn't care though, she was in such a state of euphoria that nothing around her but him mattered.

"Henry, I'm sorry, I… we… didn't… you…" she wasn't quite sure what to say to her little brother.

She knew he wasn't so sheltered that he didn't know what sex was or even what it was like, but still. She was his big sister and it was her job to protect him, to make sure she didn't scar him for life.

"It's OK Emma. I'm an eighteen year old boy you know, it's not like I haven't heard those sounds before. All I am saying is that if I have to hear it again, you will owe more so much more, because if I heard it, you know mom and dad probably did too," he said, winking.

"I'm sorry," she began, sliding down her wall to sit in the hallway, her brother mimicking her, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner about Killian and I, and I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"It's fine, really. I kind of knew something was going on with you guys when you first got home. I just figured you would tell me if it became serious. But after hearing that, I decided to use it to my advantage. Two birds, one stone and all of that." She smiled at him. He really had grown up.

"So, why don't you also make it up to me by taking me to Starbucks with you and getting me a drink? We have a lot to catch up on," he offered, as he rose from his position.

"That we do kid, that we do."

They always had dates on the weekends, leaving the week wide open for Kilian to recover from practices, time for both of their families, and time to just relax. It had been years since Emma got to just sit around and do nothing. Normally, if she tried back in LA, she would find something she needed to work on. The laundry needed doing, the dishes had to be washed or grocery shopping sometimes. Often she would find that Ruby needed her help with something. But at home, Emma could sleep in as late as she wanted and just relax during the day. Her mother did everything that Emma would normally worry about.

For the first time in what seemed like centuries she was able to actually read a book, like really sit down and read it. She normally had a book when she went on photo shoots or casting calls, but rarely was she able to get lost in them. She tried to read on the plane rides when she had a special photo shoot, but half the time it made her sick and the other half she had friends, if you could call them that, along for the ride.

She was needing to get through the latest in her favorite series, especially since the final season was about to premiere. Unlike the book, the show was religiously watched by Ruby, Lacey and herself. Half the time they had a little party every Sunday to celebrate. They would drink to their hearts desires and discuss which character was the hottest and who was going to die that week.

She was also able to actually lounge by a pool. Their neighborhood boasted a community pool. It had been years since Emma had actually been to it, refusing to go during high school as it seemed like such a juvenile place to go. Instead, her and her friends would use someone's private pool or head out on the river. Just like with her house, the pool was just how she remembered it, except for the addition of a water slide for the kids and some additional sunning areas. She used to love sitting out in the sun and just letting it warm her soul.

Thankfully, her mother instilled in her a need for sunscreen. Emma was always lathered up in at least SPF 50, keeping her skin at a perfect color and never allowing her to burn. She also never stayed out too long, just enough to lull her into a sleepy state before she would return home for a nap.

The sun felt good and refreshing. It reminded her of just why she came home in the first place. She needed to get away from LA, from the smog and congestion. Sure, Washington DC was busy and probably just as polluted, especially from the swampy politics that happened, but it was different. The air was different. Hell, even the sun felt different. Things made sense here. She needed to clear her mind, to rid herself of thoughts of Neal, thoughts of fighting with her mother, thoughts that she wasn't good enough to model. She was finding that DC was doing all of that for her. Sure, she had thought about Neal a few times she since had been home, how could she not, when she was comparing what they used to have to what she was experiencing with Killian? But, she never thought of Neal in a positive light or in a way that made her want to return to LA to be with him.

Her subconscious told her it was all because of Killian. If Killian had not been on that plane, if kismet or fate or whatever you call it, didn't bring them together, reunite them, then she would have caved and gone back to Neal and his cheating ass within a week of being home. If nothing came of their relationship, she would always be thankful that Killian was present and helped her over that hurdle.

He had messaged her of course. When the first text came in about a day after she arrived home, she ignored it. She didn't want to read what it said, since she pretty much already knew it would be filled with his bullshit lies and promises about being better. She also knew they would probably be filled with anger and hostility at being locked out of his apartment with his shit being tossed on the front porch. She actually pictured it as Ruby explained Lacey's job during Emma's vacation.

Neal would message her, apologizing, begging to be taken back. He would then show up unannounced at her apartment, in some lame attempt at trying to be romantic. He would then find himself locked out and his stuff in boxes on the porch. He would send her a couple of very rude text messages. She actually wouldn't be surprised if he called her a cunt in any of them. She remembered him calling some stranger that once. If she had been a stronger person at the time, that moment would have been the end of their relationship. Then, anywhere from 6 hours to two days, depending on how much he drank the night before and what, he would apologize again, promising he didn't mean it, that he was just drunk and upset.

It was their final weekend in DC when Emma finally decided to look at the text messages. She was curious at what he was saying, since it had been almost three weeks and he was still texting her with no reply. She was mostly just wanting to get rid of the notifications on her screen though. She would sometimes forget everything that happened, look at her phone to see 20 plus unread messages and get excited that Ruby had sent her something, only to be disappointed to remember it was just Neal.

When she did look, she was surprised. There was nothing in the texts about an apology. The first text was him telling her that she needed to get her shit out of the apartment, since it belonged to him. She actually snorted at that one. She began to laugh hysterically when she read the second message that said if she didn't he would see her in court. She would love to see him try and bullshit his way onto a lease. Thankfully, Ruby and Lacey had made sure to get multiple copies of her lease before she left so that Emma didn't have to deal with Neal in that manner.

After a few more texts about getting her shit so that he could finally move on with Tamara, came the text that actually gutted her. He had told her that he had been with Tamara for over a year and a half and they were engaged. It wasn't that Emma was sad over that, it was just she was shocked. How could something like this was happening behind her back for so long? How was she so blind as not to see it?

A few texts later came the yelling that she predicted about the apartment being locked. She was surprised it took him a few days to get to that, considering his threats earlier on. He was so upset that Lacey and Ruby had drank all of his Cristal. Emma wasn't there for that. She knew Ruby knew about his secret stash of the expensive champagne, she just didn't think her friend would actually steal it and drink a thousand dollars worth of it.

The final texts were simpler, less angry and more final. They were simply tasks that they had to complete in order to make this real, according to him. They did have the cable together, which needed to get sorted out. His cell phone was still technically connected to hers. The internet was also under both of their names. The texts were simple reminders for Emma to fix them when she got back from "wherever the fuck she was doing whatever the fuck she was doing", in his words.

She sat back after reading through them all, exhausted from just the sheer volume of shit that their relationship was. She couldn't believe that for years, she allowed herself to be treated the way Neal treated her. She didn't know how she could have allowed herself to be so unhappy. She scrolled through her phone, looking at pictures of them over the last couple of years. Sure, they had gotten rid of the pictures in her apartment, but the ones of her phone stayed thanks to the multiple social media apps she had.

She looked at herself in the most recent selfie she snapped with Neal. It was at a bar a few nights before the incident. She took a good hard look and realized she wasn't really happy in that picture. She lit up the screen, her smile was wide and her cheeks flushed, but her eyes said it all. It was false, all of it. Every feeling she had for him was a facade.

It was completely different than the picture she found of her and Killian. Henry had taken a picture of them at his graduation party. She didn't realize he had gotten the picture. They had a ton of pictures of them standing near each other in family pictures, but none like the one Henry snapped. It had been taken without them knowing. They must have just come back from one of their secret little rendezvous. Emma was looking at Killian with complete adoration and Killian was staring at her like she was the sun that lit up his world. Both of their eyes sparkled with joy as they looked at each other.

Emma really couldn't believe the differences in the relationships she found herself in. It was a bit crazy to think of the changes she saw in herself when someone really cared about her. It was something she didn't want to give up when they went back to LA and it was something she was going to tell Killian about. She had made her decision; when they got back to LA, she would do whatever was necessary to stay with Killian. Screw leaving it up to chance.

She had two tricks up her sleeve for their last weekend in the area. First, she was going to tell Killian that no matter what, she was his and when they got back to LA, nothing would change. Second, she was going to tell him while doing something she hoped he would really enjoy, watching a professional baseball game.

She had hoped that bringing him to a game would spark a new love of the game in him. He had said his love for the game was starting to come back. The last three weeks had been enjoyable, at least that is what he said. However, Emma thought he was missing something. He had been focusing on his love for the game, how he felt when he threw the ball, how it felt being back on the field, but he was forgetting one large thing. He was forgetting how it felt to be around a crowd. He was forgetting how his playing could make others feel, how he could inspire young boys and girls to chase their dreams and how he was even a little part of families making memories.

She didn't tell him where they were going when they got on the train, but soon enough, he put the pieces together.

"Emma, I'm not sure this is a good idea," he said warily.

"I think it will be good for you," she began, taking his hand in hers and rested it on her legs.

"I really do. You've forgotten the best part of the game, the audience. Trust me, this will be good for you. Just enjoy the day with me."

He turned to her and she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. He looked at her with the utmost trust, like he was literally putting his life in her hands.

She winked back at him and sat back to enjoy the train ride, knowing that soon the train would be packed and hot from the crowd.

She loved the walk to the park from the train station. It was filled with families going to their first game, drunken college guys acting a fool, drunken college girls falling over the guys acting a fool, and the hard core fans decked out in their National's gear.

She had made sure the game wasn't against Killian's actual team, but that didn't stop the random Dodger's t-shirts from being worn. Thankfully, Killian was incognito in his jeans, white shirt and sunglasses. His hair and beard had grown a bit since they arrived, which helped to keep him out of the spotlight. She could tell it worried him a bit, being noticed. However, something told her that no one would bother them today.

Emma was glad that she wore what she did. It was hotter than she expected, but that was thanks to the Virginia humidity. It was the one thing she missed about LA, no humidity. When the forecaster said the temperature would be 98 degrees, he meant it. In Virginia, when they said 98 degrees, that normally meant that it would feel like 120 in the sun. But her dress allowed her to feel cooler, plus she made sure their tickets were good enough to be in the shade.

She was thankful she remembered to bring a dress that was in the team colors, and one that was light and breezy. Plus, she loved the string back that allowed Killian's fingers to glide over her skin as he held her waist while they walked through the large crowd to their seats.

As the game began and the show got on the road, Emma couldn't help but see how stoic Killian was. He was seated straight up in his seat and looked so uncomfortable. It was like he was being forced to sit there and endure the most extreme torture any man could endure. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, and her mind started to unravel. She mentally beat herself up for subjecting him to this. She should have made sure he was OK with it.

As if he was reading her mind, seeing her internal drama unfold, he relaxed and bit and squeezed the hand that he hadn't let go of since getting of the train.

"I'm sorry, I'm letting my mind get the best of me. You're right, I should just relax and try to enjoy watching the game," he said, his voice soft and reassuring.

"I should have asked you first," she whispered, looking sad.

"No, it's fine. It's something I need to face, and I am glad that you are the one I am facing it with. It does feel good to be back in the ballpark. I forgot the energy that comes with the game that the minors don't have. It's quite reenergizing." The confession took her a bit by surprise, but she was glad he was willing to do something like this.

She relaxed a bit as well, and they actually enjoyed most of the game. They didn't really talk much, but Emma kept her eyes on him almost the whole time. She couldn't have told you who was at bat or what the score was, all because she was overwhelmed by him. She wanted to make sure he was doing OK, but the smile on his face as he seemingly started to let everything go told her she had made the right choice. She hadn't seen him so happy in their three weeks. She was glad she was part of getting that smile back on his face.

The game sped by and before they knew it, the game had ended and it was time to leave. Emma had thought multiple times that she would tell Killian how she felt, but as she watched him watch the game, she couldn't find the right way to tell him. She knew that if she said she wanted them to make it work, that baseball would take a back seat to their relationship. She knew he would give her everything, do anything, just to be with her. She would do the same for him.

She couldn't find it in her heart to tell him. She wanted him to go back to the game, wanted him to be happy again, and she couldn't be the reason that that was being taken away from him. She knew he would be happy with her, but she would end up resenting herself, or he would. She couldn't bear that. The game made him too happy and she didn't want to get in the way of that.

However, there was one thing they could do. Well, one thing she could do. They weren't scheduled to be on the same flight back to LA. Killian was scheduled to take an early flight on Sunday morning, while Emma was scheduled to take a late night flight, not getting into LA until close to midnight. She didn't want to spend that time without him, didn't want to leave without him. She wanted to end this trip the same way she started it; sitting besides Killian on the plane.

"What would you say about me rescheduling my flight to match yours?" she asked him, getting his attention from the crowd leaving the stadium.

"I was actually wondering the same thing love," his smile bright and sly. He was clearly hiding something from her.

"You already did, didn't you?" her question made his smile brighter.

"I may have already called Graham and told him I need to fly out later, something to do with my erratic mother and her wanting one last meal together, or something along those lines. He was happy enough to make the accommodation, said I sounded good and that maybe the few extra hours will be just as good as the time I've spent here already," he said, squeezing her hand and pulling her into his side.

"I hope that's ok," he added, a bit unsure.

"It's more than OK, I'm glad actually. I didn't want to leave without you," she whispered, wanting to add she didn't want to go on without him either.

Hugs were given freely. Emma's mother and Adelaide weren't crying, which surprised her. Her mother has always been strong, never really crying except for at monumental occasions, but she expected some tears for Emma's going away. Who knew when they both would be coming back to DC and she doubted her mother would fly to visit, so she expected something.

"Promise to come home soon darling, the both of you. We've missed you two so much, and you certainly keep us on our toes," Adelaide said as she pulled Emma into a hug.

"I will try, I promise," she agreed.

"And keep my son safe. I know you two have grown close, just make sure you are both happy, and you'll never let me down," she whispered.

Emma wasn't quite sure how to respond, but deep down, she was happy that Adelaide seemed to know about her and Killian and was supportive of whatever they were. It was hard for them to not put a label on anything, but it was even harder keeping everything secret. Emma wasn't close with her mother, but she knew if she told her about her and Killian and things didn't work out, Mary Margaret would be heartbroken. It would break both of the mother's hearts and their families relationship might never recover. She couldn't do that to either woman.

As they walked towards security, she felt a slight brush against her hand and the shock told her it was Killian's.

"Are you OK love?" he asked in a slight whisper.

"Yeah, I'll be OK," she smiled, grabbing his hand once they were out of view of their parents.

As long as she had him, she was going to be fine; they both were.

A/N: So I know I kinda left it off without a real ending, and that was for a reason. I plan on returning to the story in a little with a whole new series of chapters that follow their adventures in LA and elsewhere. Let me know if you would be interested in reading it!

#CSBB #Captain Swan Big Bang #Captain Swan #captain swan fanfiction #CS FF

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owlswithfins · 7 years

Text

A Justification of Drarry

Here’s a fairly extensive compilation of Drarry ‘evidence’ (it got kind of lengthy so the rest is below the cut) <3

I’ve been an avid Drarry shipper for almost as long as I’ve been a Harry Potter fan, and I’ve noticed that deep within the fandom, everyone seems to agree that it’s a Legit Ship. It tops the charts of AO3 and Wattpad and comes in as a close second on FF, and most people on tumblr accept it as plausible even if they aren’t die hard fans. Outside of this black hole we’ve all been sucked into, however, I’ve been yanked into heated debates about the legitimacy of Drarry.

Of course, this is often because some people are only interested in canon ships or don’t ship slash. For others, it’s just not their cup of tea. This post isn’t meant to convert the above naysayers, especially since, like I said, most of us here don’t need to be converted. This is more of a toolkit of evidence and arguments to justify your love of Drarry to people who “just don’t understand” or think “you just want every character to be gay” or that “you’re reading into things too much”.

Sometimes the best response is the always faithful “fuck you, I ship what I like” or the slightly more intellectual “I subscribe to the Mark Twain quote ‘never regret anything that made you smile’ and Drarry is my one true joy in this life so shut the hell up”. Other times, these debates get derailed quickly and leave Drarry shippers feeling like “maybe we got it wrong this whole time?” which is not a Great Feeling.

As such, I’ve compiled what’s essentially a shit ton of ammo from various sources to cite in these situations. Feel free to use it as you like, whether that be fortifying your own belief in this beautiful ship or passing out flyers door-to-door like a Drarry missionary. Now, we have seven books, eight movies, and bucket loads of interpretations to get through, so this could easily become a certified mess (and I’m not even going to go into every piece of evidence). As such, I’m placing the rest of the content below the cut, organized by objections and their counter-arguments to keep things nice and neat. On that note, lets begin.

One of the most common objections I hear is that Drarry isn’t legitimate because Harry is straight. Now, for some of us, this is irrelevant, since we ship based on the potential a pairing offers instead of requiring canonical pining (not that it isn’t there--it is--trust me, we’ll get to that), but for others, this is a critical point of concern. I would like to start by asking, who says Harry is straight? (please click here for some strategically placed self-promotion and on-topic humor)

To start, Cedric Diggory. (I’m talking about the angelically pure pre-Cursed-Child Hufflepuff god, not Cedric I-was-so-embarrassed-I-became-a-Death-Eater-and-murdered-my-friends Diggory, to be clear). If the mere name isn’t evidence enough, allow me to jog your memory:

“Cedric Diggory was an extremely handsome boy of around seventeen.” (GoF)

And also:

“Exceptionally handsome, with his straight nose, dark hair, and grey eyes.” (GoF)

And for those of you who aren’t yet convinced:

“‘You just weren’t concentrating properly--’

‘Wonder why that was,’ said Harry darkly as Cedric Diggory walked past.” (GoF)

PURE GOLD. Harry be like, “No homo, but when Diggory walks by I can’t concentrate. I just have this intense urge to comment on his extremely handsome face”. I think we can safely say that Harry is, at the very least, bicurious. I’d even go so far as to say he was never really all that into girls at all. Sure, he had a thing for Cho, but he didn’t exactly come back with the most resounding commentary.

“‘Well?’ Ron said finally, looking up at Harry. ‘How was it?’

Harry considered it for a moment. ‘Wet,’ he said truthfully.” (OotP)

And yes, there was Ginny, but in HBP there were multiple scenarios when Harry was far more interested in Draco than whatever Ginny had to offer.

"'And even better than that -- Malfoy's gone off sick too!'

'What?" said Harry, wheeling around to stare at her. 'He's ill? What's wrong with him?'

'No idea, but it's great for us,' said Ginny brightly. 'They're playing Harper instead; he's in my year and he's an idiot.'

Harry smiled back vaguely, but as he pulled on his scarlet robes his mind was far from Quidditch.

Maybe it’s just me, but in my experience, people generally don’t obsess over people they hate when they have the opportunity to spend time with their crush. So maybe Harry is straight (I doubt it) but I think we at least have a case for reasonable doubt. As such, the sexuality objection has been shot down.

The next common point of opposition is that Drarry shippers are just “making it up” without any basis in canon. To counter this, we could go through every book and sort out exactly which lines serve as evidence, but that would take far more time than I have on my hands. Instead, let’s do a basic overview.

The course of their entire relationship is based on their first two meetings. In Madam Malkin’s, Harry started to associate Draco with Dudley, and this snap judgment caused him to choose Ron, his first friend, over Draco. Of course, Harry’s loyalty is part of why we love him, but this totally brushes aside Draco’s point of view.

For Draco, this was his first experience with someone outside of his parent’s rigid pureblood circle. He’d been taught that bragging and insulting “inferior” people were the ways to impress and make friends, so he did exactly that. And, likely also for the first time, Draco was rejected. Coming from a place of privilege, this rejection was heartbreaking, and by turning down his handshake, Harry cemented Draco’s future. Instead of benefiting from each others’ knowledge and principles, they became enemies.

Draco was, to Harry, a mere annoyance in the way of the bigger problems during the first five years at Hogwarts. At this point, I think it’s safe to say Harry felt nothing more than an irritation for Draco Malfoy, as one would feel about a particularly determined pest. Draco, on the other hand, saw Harry as his number one priority. His bullying focused on Harry because their feud was personal, unlike the more casual bullying Draco partook in regularly. His issues with Ron and Hermione were likewise based on Harry--Ron was the friend Harry chose over Draco, and Hermione was a Muggleborn, yet she became friends with Harry when Draco couldn’t.

Draco spent a ridiculous amount of time tormenting the Golden Boy, from climbing a tree for taunting purposes to making the ‘Potter Stinks’ buttons to joining of the Inquisitorial Squad just to get back at Harry. Now, I’m not going to go and say these things meant Draco was secretly in love with Harry the whole time (I’m also not going to say he wasn’t). Rather, this one-sided enmity was grade school pigtail pulling at best and full-blown obsession at worst.

Of course, Draco wasn’t the only one to become obsessed. Throughout the entire series, the two had an almost uncanny ability to sense each other, from Draco recognizing Harry based on his breathing to Harry being able to tell what expression Draco made purely by his tone. Even so, it wasn’t obsession on Harry’s end...until HBP. I mean, honestly, the bi who lived got it so bad his sixth year that even Ron was tired of hearing it:

"'Can you think of any way Malfoy--?'

'Oh, drop it, Harry,' said Ron." (HBP)

Let’s not forget when the weariness turned to full on ignoring:

"'Oh, and Malfoy knows, of course,' said Harry to Ron and Hermione, who continued their new policy of feigning deafness whenever Harry mentioned his Malfoy-Is-a-Death-Eater theory." (HBP)

And ah, the Marauder’s Map. Harry’s obsession with watching Draco’s name was especially notable in this book--even more so given JKR’s comment that Harry watching Ginny’s name in DH was a sign that he was in love with her. Let’s take a look, shall we?

"Despite his determination to catch Malfoy out, Harry had no luck at all over the next couple of weeks. Although he consulted the map as often as he could, sometimes making unnecessary visits to the bathroom between lessons to search it, he did not once see Malfoy anywhere suspicious." (HBP)

And, of course, JKR’s most precious gift to us:

"Harry, however, had never been less interested in Quidditch; he was rapidly becoming obsessed with Draco Malfoy." (HBP)

While the first five years were rife with Draco’s antics and Harry’s relative apathy, the moment Draco stopped giving Harry his undying attention, the tables turned. Harry had grown so used to his frequent encounters with Draco that he couldn’t stand the thought of being ignored, or *gasp*, the idea that Draco might actually have more important things to do than fight with him all the time.

This was also an interesting time because Draco finally experienced true darkness. Whereas Harry had been exposed to harsh reality as a young child, Draco was relatively removed from it all. Sixth year was when Draco caught up with Harry maturity-wise. Suddenly, he understood the truth of what his family stood for and who Voldemort was, and he was trapped, just like Harry was on the light side. It was the first time Harry began to see Draco as something more than a petty annoyance because it was really the first time Draco had been more than a petty annoyance.

We’ll visit the bathroom scene and the events of DH in the next section (Salazar, don’t even get me started on the wand thing), but even without those significant moments, it’s becoming clear that Harry and Draco have a lot of potential. They’re interconnected in an obsessive way that seems more extensive than that of normal enemies, and it’s no longer a one-sided affair.

The next objection I come across fairly frequently is the ever-present “but they hate each other!” My response to this is...nah, they don’t. Not really.

To start, most of their fighting was either simple childhood rivalry or all talk. Even when things escalated, they didn’t truly want to hurt each other. In many cases, they actually saved each other.

Remember in HBP when Draco petrified Harry and tried to send him back on the train? This could be seen as a simple “I hate you so I don’t want you at school”, but that’s inconsistent with Draco’s character thus far, given that his Hogwarts days practically revolved around tormenting Harry. Why send away your favorite toy? Perhaps this is stretching too far, but I’m not the only one who thinks that, just maybe, Draco did it to protect Harry.

To fully understand this theory, we have to go back to second year. In CoS, Dobby came to Harry with an abundance of praise, despite living in the Malfoy house, where the defeater of the Dark Lord was likely only spoken about negatively. Where did Dobby get his positive opinion of Harry Potter then? Ahem. May I direct you to...

"’everyone thinks he's so smart, wonderful Potter with his scar and his broomstick--’

‘You have told me this at least a dozen times already,’ said Mr. Malfoy, with a quelling look at his son.” (CoS)

Draco’s so-called ‘taunts’ sound quite a lot like compliments in disguise, and Dobby’s so-called ‘rescuing’ of Harry looked quite a lot like Draco’s train charade in HBP. To keep Harry safe, Dobby went through elaborate efforts to keep him from coming back to Hogwarts. Then in sixth year when Draco was aware that Death Eaters would soon run amuck in the school, he tried to send Harry away from Hogwarts on the train, almost as if he was trying to protect him.

Of course, that’s mostly theorizing, and some of you might not be convinced, but don’t worry. We’ve got a lot of explicit demonstrations of non-hate (for lack of a better term) as well. Take, for instance, the bathroom scene. It’s hard to tell if Draco would have been able to perform the Cruciatus curse if Harry had let him finish so we won’t talk about that, but Harry’s sectumsempra was a Big Moment in the Drarry world.

“'SECTUMSEMPRA!' bellowed Harry from the floor, waving his wand wildly. Blood spurted from Malfoy's face and chest as though he had been slashed with an invisible sword. He staggered backward and collapsed onto the waterlogged floor with a great splash, his wand falling from his limp right hand. 'No --' gasped Harry. Slipping and staggering, Harry got to his feet and plunged toward Malfoy, whose face was now shining scarlet, his white hands scrabbling at his blood-soaked chest. 'No -- I didn't --' (HBP)

As soon as the feud between them began to get real, Harry felt immense guilt and regret. It was one thing for them to taunt each other and fight, but as soon as he realized he’d caused true pain, he started backtracking. While his real enemies were finally starting to cross over to the okay-to-kill list, Draco was still firmly in the safe zone.

Later in HBP, we see another example of Harry’s non-hate. When Draco is about to kill Dumbledore in the tower, Harry watches as he lowers his wand. When Dumbledore dies, Harry doesn’t go after Malfoy--he goes after Snape. A lot of things were happening at once, but even in this moment when he was finally proved right about Draco’s activities, there was some part of him that didn’t blame Draco for what happened. He’d finally seen him become human during the bathroom scene, and he watched Draco’s wand “drop by a fraction”, so he knew the Slytherin wasn’t a murderer. If Snape hadn’t stepped in, Draco might have even switched over to the light. If Snape hadn’t stepped in, Dumbledore wouldn’t be dead. When he catches up to the two, he fires his curse at Snape, not Draco, again suggesting something other than hate.

While guilt is a passive emotion--making the bathroom scene a “hindsight’s 20/20” moment--and the climax of HBP was more of an internal shift, in DH we see their non-hate become more intentional.

“‘Well, Draco?’ said Lucius Malfoy. He sounded avid. ‘Is it? Is it Harry Potter?’

‘I can’t--I can’t be sure,’ said Draco.” (DH)

In Chapter 23 of DH, Draco risked his life to save Harry. Some people have criticised that he should have given a solid “no” if he really cared about saving Harry, but uncertainty was the only thing that kept Harry alive. If Draco had given them a negative, they would have killed him anyways. It was only the possibility that he might be Harry Potter that allowed him to live long enough to escape.

Harry later returned the favor when he saved Draco from the Fiendfyre.

“‘It’s – too – dangerous – !’ Ron yelled, but Harry wheeled in the air. His glasses giving his eyes some small protection from the smoke, he raked the firestorm below, seeking a sign of life, a limb or a face that was not yet charred like wood. . . . And he saw them: Malfoy with his arms around the unconscious Goyle, the pair of them perched on a fragile tower of charred desks, and Harry dived.” (DH)

Even though it would have been easier to let Draco die--even when Ron all but told him to leave Draco to burn--Harry saved him. By this point, both of them had risked their lives to save the other, and I think it’s fair to say that, whatever’s between them, it isn’t hatred.

That leaves us with the final objection I’m going to discuss in this post (essay?): the argument that Harry and Draco just aren’t right for each other. This one, while seemingly simple, has a lot of analysis to work through, and it’s also the one that separates Drarry from other popular ships in the fandom.

To start, they challenge each other in a way no one else can. Whereas Ginny grew up idolizing Harry, Draco spent those years sneering at the Golden Boy for his fame. Harry, who never wanted to be anything more than “just Harry”, needs someone like this in his life. He needs someone to see him as he is without his titles. Someone who hates his fame as much as he does. Someone who won’t let him get away with things just because he’s the Savior, and won’t confuse childhood awe with true feelings.

Likewise, Harry challenges Draco by meeting his prejudices and bigotry with full force. I don’t think Draco ever really did anything evil enough to need redemption as many fans seem to think (since, like we discussed earlier in this post, he was just a kid being taught his parents’ values, and as soon as the reality of the war hit, he was no longer on board), but he does need to understand the pain he inflicted through his bullying and be corrected in his misinformation. Draco’s ignorant blood purist comments would piss Harry off and inspire lengthy lectures (that you know Draco would profess to hate but secretly grow to agree with) which would help him become a good person when he wasn’t in the past.

In that same vein, Draco’s influence would help Harry find balance. Throughout the series, house rivalries shaped Harry’s point of view to the point where he barely thought of Slytherins as human. He repressed his dark traits, like Parseltongue, out of fear, and he pushed people away when unity could have altered the course of the war for the better. Of course, none of us can blame him for this, since his experience with Slytherins warranted such beliefs (most of the Slytherins in his life caused far more harm than good to him and his friends), but these beliefs are also part of what gave Voldemort so much power over him. By seeing Draco’s humanity and experiencing his love of the dark arts, Harry could begin to heal from his own deeply-ingrained prejudices and find acceptance of all parts of himself.

Beyond the value they’d bring to each other, let’s talk about this from a story perspective. It all comes down to the fact that they’re two sides of the same coin (cliche, but it sums up their relationship more accurately than anything else). Both of them were poster children for their respective sides, but while Harry was taken in by Mrs. Weasley and used by Dumbledore, Draco was raised by Lucius and made into a pawn by Voldemort. No matter how their paths veered, they always came back to each other in the end, so of all the people to end up together, the two who are constantly paired in every situation make the most sense out of anyone. When you really start to look at it, Drarry seems downright inevitable. The two were pitted against each other from the start, but that’s part of what makes their eventual unity so appealing. In a story about rifts and prejudice, light and dark, their pairing rights wrongs and signals a shift towards a better future. In the end, Drarry isn’t a superficial pairing at all. It’s the ultimate resolution.

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