MC Turns Into Their Animal Motif

Just like most problems in the Devildom, Solomon was to blame. He and MC were just supposed to be doing their potions homework and be back before dinner. What the brothers didn’t know was that Solomon had gotten some new rare ingredients he wanted to try out. Supposedly, it would strengthen the bond in the pact between whichever demon they chose and what could possibly go wrong? Oh so many things can and did go wrong.

Prideful Peacock

Lucifer is not pleased, to say the very least when Solomon walks in carrying a peacock

He puts two and two together immediately

*tired single mom sigh*

He does think you are very pretty though and he is honored you chose him to strengthen your bond with

He will absolutely not say that though he is just so disappointed right now

His soul ascends back to the celestial realm when you cry out in the middle of the night because of Mammon sneaking in

Swells with pride when he realizes he’s now got a watch-peacock that tattles on his brother’s shenanigans every time without fail

When the spell wears off, he’s actually a little sad

Not because the regular chaos has returned, but he misses the excuse of being around you constantly

Cunning Crow

“Oi! What’s ya do to my human?!”

*defensive Mammon noises*

He turns all blushy when he finds out what the spell was supposed to do

“Of course you’d wanna get closer to The Great Mammon! It’s only natural being the second strongest!”

Totally carries you around on his shoulder all proud

Doesn’t stop talking about you to everyone who listens and introduces you to his murder or crows

You fly off his shoulder all of a sudden and his heart sinks

Starts sobbing when you return with a couple grimm in your beak

Devastated when the spell wears off, he lost a steady income of stolen grimm, but it’s easier to cuddle you when you’re back to normal so he guesses it’s ok

(please cuddle him he’s been deprived)

Spiteful Serpent

M-MOOOOEEEEE

“Where is MC I have to show them I’ve never seen such a pretty snake!”

Wants to bury himself in a hole when he realizes he just called you pretty IN FRONT OF YOU

Short circuits and starts steaming when he realizes how it happened

Absolutely puts you in the giant tank wall but keeps Henry 2.0 in the smaller one just in case

Definitely will swim with you if you’re sure you want to swim with a yucky otaku like him (absolutely)

Notices how upset you get when he doesn’t spend time with you and that convinces him

Introduces you to Henry 1.0 from a distance thinking maybe you can talk to each other

Also starts sobbing when you make him remember Levi *cue snake cuddle pile around sobbing Levi*

He’s glad he can play video games with you again, but his anxiety returns around you to a certain degree

He misses swimming with you and letting you fall asleep wrapped around his arm (please give him a crumb of affection)

Upset Unicorn

He thinks it’s pretty funny honestly, especially with how upset Lucifer is

Perhaps he should try this out himself

Actually ok with not knowing what’s happening for once

Does not really want to be the one to look after you though, I mean it’s be different as a small cat but a FULL SIZED UNICORN??

He just doesn’t have the room but gladly makes some when he finds out why you even made the potion

“I guess I can move some shelves out of here so there’s room, I’ll just take Lucifer’s space.”

Rescues you from makeovers with Asmo and makes sure Beel doesn’t try to toast marshmallows on your horn

Not because you can’t defend yourself, but because one time after Lucifer yelled at you for tracking mud into the house, you got so pissed off that the unbridled rage cost almost 250,000 grimm in damages to the House of Lamentation 

*cue Satan tearing up**sniff* “That’s my human! :)”

One night he gets super into the book he’s reading, forgetting he has a whole H O R S E in his room

He gets so embarrassed when he turns around dramatically mid speech about a ferocious battle, to see MC just staring at him seriously thinks about pulling a Belphie

That is until MC hoists him up and they charge out of his room into the battle of their minds, battle cries heard through the long, empty hallways

He is also very upset when MC returns to normal; he had so many pranks planned, the anti-Lucifer league’s time was near

But he’ll always have that first memory of their pretend battle (and the 4 hour lecture that followed for waking everyone up)

Scandalous Scorpion

He thinks you are just the cutest, you absolutely MUST let him decorate your stinger!

“Oh darling, if you wanted to strengthen our bond all you needed to do was ask”

After he stops squealing he gets straight to work setting up a homey terrarium 

He tries to make it as cute as possible but remembers to put your comfort first

Copies your moves whenever you’re glass dancing (doesn’t realize it’s a mating dance)

Seriously becomes Levi for a few days staying in his room, live streaming everything you do, selfies and bows for days, you name it

All attention is on you 

When the spell wears off, he’s not too upset

He got his adorable pictures of you and you’re back to your original, beautiful, gorgeous self

Prepare for cuddles he’s had to be too careful these past few days

Famished Fly

“Are you ok🥺?” 

He’s just relieved you’re not hurt but he’s still a little worried

His smile brightens the room when he finds out it’s because you wanted to get closer with him

“Well why didn’t you just ask? I‘ll always make time for you MC. When you’re back to normal I’ll take you anywhere you want, I’ll pay.” *happy Beel noises*

Until then though he is so worried someone will accidentally smash you, he does remote learning so he can always keep an eye on you

Only lets Belphie, Satan, and Lucifer in the same room as you two because he trusts them to be careful

Beel also becomes kind of a shut in, not going to Fangol practice so he can make sure you’re safe

Before he starts a snack he always breaks off tiny crumbs so you not only have choices, but enough of whatever you choose AND it doesn’t even cost him much!

He’s just filled with relief when the spell wears off, poor boy was just so nervous

Absolutely fulfills his promise of taking you out and paying, all while he has that sweet puppy look on his face

God, you just make him so happy :)

Careless Cow

Oh this is fucking hilarious he is losing his shit

On the floor, holding his stomach, cackling, kicking his legs

He is wheezing it sounds like he’s suffocating 👀

Once he finally calms down he’s actually chill with watching after you as long as you don’t do anything stupid, he can sleep on you, and you don’t smell bad

Lucifer wasn’t even going to punish you, but he thinks it’s funny that you’ve become Belphie’s noble steed and will not help you

One day, Beel lost track of time at the gym and didn’t have time to get Belphie up in time for RAD

He did, however, wake up to a very loud ‘Moo’ followed by his body being launched off the bed and onto MC’s back as they raced him where he needed to be

Congrats MC, you’ve earned Belphie’s total respect

Actually becomes responsible and even brushes your hair so it looks shiny and smooth 

Misses his E X T R A  LARGE pillow when you turn back to normal but you’re easier to hold this way and now they can sleep on his bed again

He repays everything you did to him as a cow from being the big spoon and carrying you around, to slapping you awake with his tail (lovingly of course)

SO

what did we learn?

they fucked up the crows so much idk if there is a way to fix this mess. soc and ck are perfect books. 10/10 character and story beats are on fucking point. SO WHY TOUCH IT. IF IT AIN'T BROKEN. sure changes are necessary if you want them on the show but come on. emotionally these bitches are on the last third of crooked kingdom while the plot hasn't even begun for six of crows. make it make sense

anyways

as for the grisha trilogy people. they merged book 2 and 3 in one season. which. uh. sure why not. they made some weird changes to how amplifiers work to speed shit up because there was no budget for the fire bird apparently. the whole thing with baghra's bones sure was confusing lore wise. ALSO THE OTHER LIVING SAINT????? SURE THAT MAKES SENSE. mal is being dumb? for reasons? we are in king of scars territory now which ???? how are we doing that AT THE SAME TIME AS WE DO THE ICE COURT HEIST

the end of episode 4/ episode 5 was the beginning of the end for me. involving the crows with the fucking sword was dumb. they could have had the crows doing fun shenanigans in ketterdam while the Alina plot buddies did their thing. not this mess

speaking of messes. wtf was episode 8. what was that structure. end the fucking show, don't introduce 7492 new plots. setting up nikolai having a shadow friend is fine I guess, as well as the jurda parem thing with the crows. but like. inej is with Mal on a boat ?????????????????????? alina has gramps powers now too apparently. again, mal is just being dumb for the plot. the apparat shows up to be icky and weird after being gone for a whole ass season. PEKKA IS IN FUCKING HELLSGATE

i- just

why

Ok let's straighten up some things while o have my mind on it

I'm not the biggest fan of Shadow and Bone (Netflix) unpopular opinion? probably but it feels like I need to reiterate for the reason that I keep seeing posts about show fans not having read the books

I have a whole slew of reasons for this so buckle up buttercup cause this could take a while

I absolutely love Six of Crows, absolutely stellar book, best one in the Grishaverse by far (in my opinion, mind I haven't read KoS duology yet, I'm getting there) diverse, inclusive cast, incredible plot, Kaz, you know really, job well done Leigh

Shadow and Bone, also good, but I didn't fall in love with Kaz characters half as much, still addictive read, 10/10

So having the Crows in the show was a real high point for me, mostly excited to eventually watch their interactions and watch relationships develop, and knowing that the best was yet to come, and of course just the facts that my favorite characters were being brought to life on screen even if they had a much more limited screen time then their more prominent Shadow and Bone counterparts

Honestly, Season 1, I don't have the biggest problem with

It's pretty well scripted, fairly accurate toward the books minus a few things that from a movie/tv standpoint probably weren't as seemingly integral to the plot as they didn't pack as big a punch as something like Alina being the Sun Summoner

I was kinda annoyed when they outed Kirigan as evil so early on when they probably could have waited toward the end so you could find out how Alina did because reading that line I remember thinking "fcking plottwisttt" but it's pretty normal show wise to point out the villain early on to you have a better grip on the good vs. evil of it all so I can forgive that

The original Crow trio having a plot line intersecting Alina's own was actually brilliant in its own way and was totally something that I could see as canon (the whole Alina climbing into the carriage was completely accurate on the Crows luck meter)

From a Crow lover standpoint I was pretty satisfied with the whole combination of the two and didn't really have a lot to complain about so I was really hyped for what new shenanigans they'd get into in Season 2 (and for my bby Wy but that's a whole nother ballgame)

So I impatiently what for the second season expecting it to meet my ridiculously high expectations, surely it was going to be on par with the previous one

Not

The Shadow and Bone side of the show was fine, pats on the back all around, perfecting casting for Nikolai, not much to irritate my desire for perfection

But I was fairly pissed off at the Crow half of things, it felt to me that the creators decided that they no longer cared about developing the characters like they were cast-off characters that didn't deserve anymore then what they got

I hated how Wy and Jes were immediately shoved into a relationship instead of their book-canon slow burn which I find much more appealing to their dynamic like it defeats the whole point the Wylan as Kiwi arc because Jesper just throws himself into it instead of the natural progression we get in the books (Jesper's self doubt of the whole situation being so important to his character and it just being ignored to fast track their relationship was unnecessary and honestly unfair)

I hated that the entire plot line of the second book (CK) was made into the parallel of the siege and storm arc when in the series it occurs later in the timeline

This of course destroyed any hope of the proper developments (character and relationship wise) between the crows, destroying their original foundations of trust and understanding

Having Kaz fight the Dregs wasn't as impactful as it should have been

And the progression of the (CK) plot wasn't as smooth and important without the Ice Court arc why the fuck would Kaz need control of the Dregs if he wasn't going up full force against Van Eck I mean he demolishes Pekkas entire dynasty in like two scenes what does he need more bodies for

The trama and experiences of their past are largely ignored save Kaz whose trama is an enormous part of his character. That's what made the books so addicting and intriguing to the whole audience

Usually people side with the underdog relating their own troubles and problems to whatever trama or deficiency they themselves find the characters going through as the story progresses

They beauty of Six of Crows is that each one of them is so faulted and struggling with their own set of problems that it's almost impossible to not relate to at least one of them

Fast tracking the journeys of beloved characters is painful especially when you know how they truly grew into themselves and their lives

I mean I'm probably being hyper-critical over one show when plenty of shows have their own set of flaws ands issues but it's like

They put all this effort into creating a brand new storyline for the Crows in the first season, a mission to accomplish that gave the audience a nice way to see they're dynamic and questionably moral choices and then in season 2 they just went and skipped ahead, over everything that makes Six of Crows soooo good and skipped to the end where Kaz finally gets his revenge on Pekka because it was more action packed then a bunch of trama-riddled teenagers breaking into an actual high security prison in the middle of that country's biggest celebration of the year but okay I'm just some nerd that happens to appreciate literary accuracy in show/movie development so forget me

I'm not a total monster there's plenty of things about the show I appreciate but I'm still angry that my Crow babies went done justice

Show pros here

also what do you think of the other new characters? i love them all a lot, i ADORE sadie and that whole speech she gave adam when he was being sooo whiny 2 eps ago. "okay first of all, im straight-" hsgjkgfhj amazing, shes amazing

also i really love oliver and his dynamic with mark? love what those two have going on. mark hiding the damien thing. oliver being a mess about the am thing. theyre great <3

Lengthy The College Tapes blabber incoming!

(spoiler warning, I think?)

[takes deep breath]

I love all the new characters!!!!!!!!!!!

They're all so different and unique, you can tell from their voices and cadence what they are like, and I have this mental image of all of them and I wanna sketch the whole squad so bad!! Sometime soon definitely 🤠 im working on Caleb's design (he's my favourite for obvious reasons, *cough* Briggon Snow *cough*.)

Frankie and Caitlyn???? Adorable and feisty!!! Ben is so sweet, I wanna protect them with my life!!

Adam popping off on his radio show and then sleuthing by himself but freaking out over crows? I love him!!!!!

Right off the bat from the first episode, I felt like Sadie is the singular operative braincell in the whole Yale/BU squad; she's so solid and cool and chill, and wow, I love her! She's really grounded as a person and everytime someone gets all flighty or obtuse, she really puts them in their place. Though, I gotta be honest, at first I was like 'ok but like she's TOO cool, should I be sus????' there have been some micro instances where I was like 'huh okay she sounds a bit... hesitant here?' but that's just me being extra cautious because, you know, after what happened with Helen in The AM Archives?? Good god, you can't be too careful :(

(RIP Owen, you are missed, you poor sweet man.)

Mark and Oliver are downright my favourite duo after Caleb and Adam. I highkey want them to be a Thing™. Please be a Thing™.

Oliver is a RIOT; I love him, he's so funny and it's like he's not even trying?? He's just Oliver and I split my sides laughing at how he navigates conversations with his short attention span. I'm so curious to know about his backstory in detail, trauma and all. I love how he skirts around the horrors he'd faced in Tier5 and puts up a brave nonchalant front (which Mark sees through like it's made of gossamer lmao)

Mark was always a favourite of mine since the Bright Sessions; he's so fun and you know he's a good looking dude, he just radiates it. And the fact he uses humour as a coping mechanism for his trauma?? Poor baby. He's had a lot of baggage and I want to know more about his absurd time with Damien (that was very interesting for both those characters.) Mark is a very compelling character and I could listen to him monologue to himself for hours.

Mark and Oliver, and their dynamic??? Our Comedic Tier5 Trauma Boys??? Oh man, I could listen to a 100 episode spinoff series of just them bickering back and forth domestically, getting into all sorts of Shippen-orchestrated shenanigans, and I'd be as happy as a clam!! Both voice actors are absolute GEMS; they bounce off each other so well, its so entertaining to listen to. It's never a dull moment with them, be it the sassy banter or when they discuss their crippling insecurities.

Apart from all that, can we agree that Oliver and Caleb is the funniest ''shut up! no you shut up!' pair ever???? I was wheezing everytime they put their heads together to figure out that godforsaken Book and ended up pissing each other off every time, introspective revelations aside.

In conclusion, I just love all of them, Your Honour.

This is one of those podcasts I listened to repeatedly, and will be listening to again and again and again and again and again and aga-

Spirk Your Name au I will probably never write.

- teenage Spock living at Shi'Kahr with Amanda and Micheal, Sarek being away for his diplomatic duties. T'Pring hang with him and Micheal a lot

- T'Pau is here a lot, preparing Spock for some very important Vulcan ritual. Spock can't help but wonder sometimes if he did the right choice when he chose the Vulcan path

- teenager Jim is on earth, working hard to enter starfleet, hanging out with Bones, having a baby crush on Uhura.

- like in the movie, they switch places, think it's a dream at first and eventually communicate via PADD and writing on their bodies.

- Spock helps Jim having good grades, bicker with Bones and got Jim a date with Uhura (which leads nowhere). All the while he is acting really logical and emotionless, which is driving Jim crazy.

- Spock wakes up in his body with invective to have emotion written on his forehead in english, which makes Amanda laugh.

- Micheal often finds "Spock" touching his ears. Jim talked back to the bullies, he tries to set up T'Pring and Micheal. He looked at all that new alien culture with bright eyes and a big smile. Spock dies everytime he comes back and someone mention his emotional displays.

- Jim walks around with "You are the most illogical" delicately written in Vulcan on his arms. Bones jokes about his new tattoos.

- this the time to go wild about Vulcan culture and your personnal headcanons!

- with the back and forth between Vulcan and Earth, Spock grows to accept his multi cultural nature

- at one point, Spock starts to draw from memory the sceneries he saw on earth, Bones and Uhura. And even Jim. Who eventually sees the drawings and leave compliments.

- Amanda also see some of the drawings and recognize Earth and decides to take her kids on a vacation there. It is long overdue that they see what the planet looks like

- Spock tells it to Jim and they decide to meet.

- Jim waits and waits and Spock don't pick up his comm and he leaves heartbroken.

- The next day, Bones and Uhura drag him to the Vulcan ambassade.

- Is it far away and do they have shenanigans on their way there? Yes.

- They reach the place and Jim asks the clerc to see "S'chn T'gai Spock". The clerc is surprised he is able to say the name right. They are even more surprised when they recognize the name.

- "ambassador Sarek and his family died in Vulcan's destruction 4 years ago."

- did Jim not know about it? Maybe. Or maybe he thought Spock was living somewhere in new Vulcan?

- I don't know what Jim do here to be able to switch body with Spock again. Something that has to do with the big ceremony from earlier. Anyway something magical happens here and Jim wakes up in Spock body the day Vulcan will be destroy.

- he has a talk with Amanda. Up until now, we were laid to people their switch was happening because of Spock's Vulcan heritage, of Solkar shaking a terran's hand. Nope, this comes from Amanda's side of the family

- Jim gather Micheal and T'Pring and got a plan to evacuate the planet. Up until now, Jim has not been an action man. Yes, he has told Spock's bully off, but really he has not being more than a stack of books with leg. But here, he fully takes off his leadership role. Here, he looks the planet imminent doom right in the eyes and decides he doesn't believe in no win scenarios.

- Sarek is a dick, their plan doesn't work and Jim realizes they need Spock. He goes in the desert to find him.

- cut back to Spock, on Earth, waiting for Jim. When it is logical to assume he will not come, Spock immediately takes off for Iowa.

- they meet in a crowed, and the red string of fate happens. Maybe Spock has long hair in this fic (which means he will cut them once he is back), or maybe it is an accesory on his outfit that got accidentaly stuck in Jim's shirt. In any case, they each old an edge, lock eyes for a brief moment, and Spock let go and dissapear in the crowed.

- Jim looks at the red ribbon in his hands, with emboidry of Vulcan's calligraphy he doesn't understand but is a citation about Fate. He wears it around his wrist since than, knowing it is important even if he can remember how he got it.

- Spock returns at the ambassad and the next day, Sarek pick his family up and back to Vulcan

- return to Jim in the desert. Something magical happens, and Spock is standing in front of him. Jim explains the situation to him

- yes they do the whole "let's write our names in each other's hands" thing. Yes, Spock doesn't have time to write his. Yes, Jim writes "I love you"

- Jim wakes up in his body, tries to write Spock's name down only to realize he has already forgotten it and cries.

- Spock looks up his hand, makes a comment about Jim's logic, and eventually announced to Micheal, who absolutely does not understand, that he can't remember him with a heavy voice

- Spock has a confrontation with Sarek and they are finally able to evacuate Vulcan. Maybe even? Save the planet? Because fuck JJ Abrams

- years later, when they have forgotten about each other and hardly remember those few months, like they are a far away dream, Jim takes his captainship on The Enterprise, Spock has his second, and it's like they had known each other for years.

Title: From the Top WC: 1000 Episode: Vampire Weekend (2 x 06)

She’s not sure who hit the reset button on him, but that seems to be what’s going on here. He shows up to her crime scene in his Hallowe’en costume—or one of the likely candidates for his Hallowe’en costume, because apparently him choosing one is quite the production—and he’s talking an absolute mile a minute.

He’s spinning freestyle stories based on tombstone engravings, and unabashedly dropping references to the Underworld movies by way of first-draft theories on who might have chosen such a bizarre means of murder. All in all, despite his beloved, October-denoting crunchy leaves and crisp air, he’s partying like it’s March, they’ve just met, and he is, once again, taking the most circuitous route to suicide-by-cop in human history.

And he does not confine his shenanigans to the graveyard. He’s amped up enough to make a run at Lanie, yodeling all the while, to stop her before she pulls the stake from their vic’s chest and he rises from the dead. Sugar rush seems to be an inadequate explanation for whatever’s fueling him.

She keeps coming back to the idea of the reset button as he, without irony, brags that he knows the best Fang Master in the city. It’s one more lead than anything else about the body, the scene, or the murder weapon has yielded, though, so she’s stuck with it. And she’s stuck with him on the way to the Phantasmagorium, giving her the run-down on the lesser Fang Masters and the various ways in which they fail to measure up to Doctor Barry.

And it’s not as if things improve once they’re there and he’s into PVC slutty nurse costumes and up-and-down glances as he wonders if she wants to get anything pierced. That actually snags her attention by the lapels. There’s something a little bit off about his innuendo game. That is not at all March-caliber work, and she realizes that he can’t quite pull off the lechery when he’s metaphorically—and occasionally literally—bouncing on his toes with this weird energy he has going on.

That vibe runs through his take on the whole vampire fetish thing. He is and has been very much in Good Morning, Teacher, I Stayed Up All Night and Did the Extra Credit Homework mode on that front. He took in the information about bite marks on Crow’s thigh without so much as an eyebrow waggle, and once they make their way into Vixen’s coven, he shakes off various young, nubile goths without a second glance, all the while acting like her protocol advisor on kinky blood play matters, rather than suggesting that they find the nearest vacant coffin and see what the two of them get going on.

It’s all quite strange—a reset that isn’t a complete reset. A resurgence of annoying puppy energy, but without really selling the idea, so dear to his image back in March, that he was mostly sticking around until he could tick a one-night-stand with her off his list. Instead, it’s blurted observations about what she smells like, and an offer to stick around while she notifies Crow’s family.

Whatever it his that’s happening with this Version 1.5 of him, she finds herself responding to it in unpredictable ways. She very pointedly slips her deep knowledge of comics into conversation, but when he gleefully admits that he had no idea she was into that, she jabs him a little about all the things he doesn’t know about her.

Most curiously, maybe, she seizes a sudden opening to ask him a sincere question about why he does what he does. It surprises her as much as him, the first time she asks, at least. She can’t imagine why she’s never asked him before, and she thinks—sincerely thinks—that he’d have answered her honestly that first time, if only Ryan and Esposito hadn’t rolled up at that exact moment. But there’s no universe in which Ryan and Esposito don’t roll up at that exact moment.

His shields go up after that—about that issue, at least. He’s still running on manic little boy energy. She’s still not quite sure what to do with it, and he ends up being a jerk. When she’s legitimately asking him a serious question, he just can’t seem to resist. It’s unfortunate.

It provokes another strange response in her. It sends her to the party, dressed as Nikki Heat. He sees her and his eyes light up. He sees her and his face falls. He doesn’t understand the costume, and if she didn’t need to—in the name of justice—scare the bejeezus out of him. She and her Nikki Heat bustier–trench coat ensemble would march right back out of there.

But she does need to scare the bejeezus out of him, and it only seems polite to stay once she’s accomplished her mission. So she stays. She mingles. She mostly steers clear of him, watching with curiosity his swanky party host persona with its underlying thrum of odd energy.

Martha sidles up beside her. It’s a little embarrassing that she’s able to sidle up, unnoticed, given the size of her Cruella hat.

“It’s wonderful to see, isn’t it?” She gestures to Castle with her stuffed Dalmatian puppy. “That verve!”

“Verve,” she echoes. She pivots to Martha. She makes a snap decision. “Is something . . . up with him?” she asks timidly. “With Castle?”

“Up?” Martha laughs. “Yes, that’s exactly it, darling. New book out. New book started. New lease on life at the precinct.” Her eyes follow him as he flits from guest to guest. “I’d say everything is up with Richard.”

New lease. The phrase resonates. It brings the last few days of him, the last few days of her into focus. It is a reset. There’ll be a new book. There’ll be three new books. He’s not going anywhere. She’s not going anywhere. It’s an opportunity. It’s a new lease.

A/N: Cannot even with the amorphousness here. Struggling

images via homeofthenutty

Hey sinner, I was wondering, Ince it's my birthday on Monday and all, could I maybe have some Arkham Riddler and/or scarecrow Headcanons pretty please?

no problem baby, hope you have a kickass birthday!!

Arkham!Riddler hcs:

Ed can't sleep without you. he literally cannot fall asleep. that's one of the main reasons he doesn't sleep all that much - because you're not always there. y'know, he always had this thing where he hugged the first thing he got his hands on in his sleep, be it a pillow or even a wrench. but then you came. first time he slept in one bed with you, when he reached out, you never pushed him away. he clung onto you and you hugged him back and caressed his hair and back as he snored into your chest

when he sleeps with you, he doesn't wake up from nightmares. actually, first time you let him rest on you, he slept for 12 hours straight, only stirring once when you tried to wriggle out of his grasp and go to the bathroom. and that manchild fucking got out of bed and trailed after you, quietly waiting until you're done so you can both go to sleep. he'd sit on the fuckin toilet with you if he could

as i mentioned earlier, he snores, and does so pretty loud - after having his nose broken so many times, it started healing a little crookedly and he started snoring. you'll have to get used to that. oh, and he also snorts. when he laughs sincerely, y'know, that real belly laugh, he snorts like a pig and it's really endearing (he was a little self-conscious about it around you at first)

he spoils a lot with gifts, partly to make up for the time he spends working, partly to show you he can give you things nobody else can. some of the gifts are store bought, but most of them are handmade - sometimes he'll make you something to make every day life easier and help with chores, sometimes he'll build you a fucking coffee machine from scratch because you said your one broke, sometimes he'll just create a little decoration to remind you of him, so you know he's always there

his thugs are really fond of you - not only are you polite and actually treat them like human beings, but you keep Ed at bay. your presence is obviously calming to him and you have a lot of good influence on him, which they're grateful for. they like to joke around with you and sometimes even invite you for a simple chat with beer or a game of poker. Edward was really opposed to the idea of you spending time with them but at some point he landed with a beer in hand, fries on the table and cards laid out before him and you didn't hear him complain. well... not that much, anyway

his robots are part-sentient, in a way that they're able to feel curiosity about the world around them and constantly learn new thing by themselves, without him having to constantly reprogramm them. they're kind of like children - but only kind of, and they treat you two kind of like parental figures. especially you, since Ed programmed them to see him more as a god or something along those lines. also, whenever there's any oncoming danger, the robots closest to you immediately run to your side to be ready and protect you

a stray cat once wandered into the orphanage, where you were currently helping Ed with painting the walls, and the robots immediately percieved it as a threat and almost anihilated it. it was a shitshow. and you also kept the cat, much to Edward's displeasure (he was bullshitting, you saw him baby talk to it and pet it more than once)

Arkham!Scarecrow hcs:

before the Croc accident, he was really chaotic and energetic and also a hazard to society. you were never bored because Jon always did some stupid shit, most of the time only because he's just clueless about social norms. you saw him eat coffee straight from the jar once because he was to fixated on his research to wait for the water to boil

he really loves making you laugh with his sarcastic quips. honestly, he just loves making you laugh. but also scream. he's a master at sneaking up on you and suddenly gripping your arms/waist or enveloping you in a hug out of nowhere and in the most unexpected places. he once did that while you were making dinner and ended with a whole pan worth of spaghetti on his head

he was a contortionist and could manipulate his body any way he wanted, and let me tell you that he scared you half to death because he was laying on a position so inhuman that you just thought he fucking went and killed himself on accident and landed with his limbs all over the place

he loved dancing with you, he was a very skilled dancer before he suffered all that damage. after the accident, he can't really spin you around like he used to. to be honest, he can't really do anything he used to do with you. he's really changed after the accident, and he really needs your help with practically everything. he hates it, especially since he knows he often took what you two had for granted and wasn't the best partner out there, and suddenly not only will he never be able to have fun with you like in the past, but he's also become kind of a burden - no matter what you say, he can clearly see how exhausted you are from dealing with him all the time. quite frankly, he has no fucking idea why you even stayed with him

he really does everything in his power to show you how grateful he is for all you do. he often has trouble expressing his true feelings because he hates being percieved as weak (this intensified after the accident) and can't get it through his thick skull that telling you he loves you doesn't make him weak, but he spoils you to the best of his abilities. you always get what you want and his gifts are always thoughtful, and whenever he gets you a book, he somehow always knows which one you'll like the most. he does everything in his power to pay you back for your kindness

that man actually shed some tears more than once over the fact that you love him so much that you decided to waste your life with him. of course he fucking wants you and it'd kill him if you left, but he knows it'd be better for you if you did. but despite all the self-loathing he feels at himself, he's possessive as hell. despite the fact that behind closed doors, he feels like he doesn't deserve you, he makes sure everyone knows not to touch you or even think about touching you, because you're his. you choose to stay with him, even after what happened, and there's no way you're getting out of this one

and listen, he may have become more... tame, but he's certainly not boring. despite everything, this man is still the chaotic god of the universe, and he'll be damned if he stopped making you laugh to the point of tears. and let's not forget that man has crows as pets - the shenanigans that ensue are not like any other and you'll never see anything even slightly similar to that dumbassery on planet Earth

Hello! You seem to have interesting taste in books, esteemed viper. Would you have any recommendations for someone who enjoyed both Murderbot, Imperial Radch and The Locked Tomb (although the last one with a thesaurus, because not a native English speaker)? Thanks!

(Foreword: the links are to the first place that pops up on searches for me; not advocating you buy from these particular places, especially Amazon; if you want to buy rather than borrow from a library, Please do not buy from Amazon if you can at all help it. Like: There is no Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism, obviously, but even Barnes&Nobles is better than Bezos’s human-misery factory)

The Broken Earth Trilogy by N.K. Jemisin is REALLY good Axiom’s End, by Lindsay Ellis, starts rough, but improves ALLOT after the first act and finishes wonderfully. Also, The Subtext: The rich, Rich Subtext :3 :3 :3 The Teixcalaan Series by (Ascended Homestuck)Arkady Martine, two books out currently, is a Very Fun and Rare example of what you could call Hard-Political Sci Fi? VERY Much about Diplomacy, Bureaucracy, History, Culture and the, shall we say, “complications” of Empire for everyone involved(but mostly the ppl being Empired at). The first book, A Memory Called Empire, is VERY Good, though it’s got a weird flow where I felt it started strong, ended strong, but wobbled a bit in the middle. The 2nd book, A Desolation Called Peace is... It’s good in different ways, flawed in that the plotting generally feels more Convenient and less deeply Developed than in Memory, but I found I didn’t really care about the problems weighed against what I liked in it. The Temeraire Series, by Naomi Novik(remember that name: anybook wearing it is likely to be Good) is a WONDERFUL Historical-Fantasy series, set in a time period(The Napoleonic Era) woefully underserved in the Fantasy genre which asks the Very Important Question “What if Dragons Were Real?”, and then deconstructs European Empire and Imperial Imagination with the answers. It’s Great. The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison is another wonderfully Political Fantasy book set in the Age of Sail/Steam, but with Airships. The Airships aren’t important though; the Clothes are. And the Politicking(which means Dinner Planning). And the Lifetime of Familial Truama. And the Engineering. And the Buff SwordFighting Girlfriends who will skewer anyone who so much as ruffles your Bueautiously Bedazzled Brow, even if they don’t particularly understand or care that much for your ideals. There’s apparently a 2nd book in the series, that I JUST found out about looking up this one, so I’m going to be getting on getting that >:| Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, by Susanna Clarke, is not a book, but rather a Positive TOME. It’s big is what I’m saying. Magisterial would be an apt description, and you’ll need the thesaurus for this one too I assure you. It is ALSO set in the Napoleonic Era, which is kind of becoming a theme with this list isnt it, and it’s about Two Gentlemen(actually Four, and one Lady) of markedly different Romantic Literary Tropes bringing Magic back to the world(they used to have Magic, but then a Giant Crow ate it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ). It is VERY Good but, like I said, HUGE, and it takes, like, a month to read(unless you’re insane like me, and dedicate every waking moment of, like, a week to reading it, which invariably happens when I open the dang thing). The author also has a new book out, Piranesi, which has won ALL The Praise, but I haven’t read it yet so’s I can nary say good nor bad about it, sadly :T She also wrote a book of short-stories, which I ALSO have not read, and ALSO Have Been Meaning To Read for, like, a decade now X| The Greta Helsing Novels by (Ascended Homestuck)Vivian Shaw, currently a Trilogy but I’m hoping maybe someday publishers will Wisen and we’ll get more it’d be a Wonderful counterpoint to the Dresden Files approach to pulp, is pretty much The Opposite of Strange and Norrell. They’re nice, Light, quick, fun reads, Competent and Workerly; the sort of thing ppl tend to call “summer” or “vacation” books. It’s about a human doctor who takes care of the undead, and the Shenanigans this gets her into. Shaw has a FANTASTIC brain, and she uses the series as an excuse to share&explore her knowledge on various esoteric subjects like Sewer Architecture, Nuclear Reactors, and Historical Divine Bureaucracy Headcanons :3 :3 Also, like, 80% of the characters in the series are taken from 1800s pulp horror fiction; It’s Gr8. IF you can find a collection of either of their works, which isn’t terribly likely, sadly, because Capitalism is Awful, Jack Vance and Fritz Leiber were probably the BEST writers of the Pulp Fantasy Era/Genre(think Conan or Lovecraft). Tales of the Dying Earth is basically the soil Adventure Time(and He Man, coincidentally, and basically the Whole subgenre of “Wait: This isn’t THE PAST!!!” scifi-fantasy) grew out of, and it’s also a pretty excellent transposition of The Odyssey into SciFi Fantasy. Of Leiber I have read only a comic rendition of SOME of his Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser stories, and a SINGLE TEASER PASSAGE from his actual writing, and both totally blew me away with their artistry, pathos, and naturalistic flow and dialogue. I dont know his works directly, though, so maybe the rest isn’t so great, or dabbles in the execrable gender- racial- and imperial-politics so common to white male sci-fi writers of that era.

Ok IM STOPPING THERE. Because I’m not Heartless and I think that’s Enough for now. If you like the taste exhibited by my posting, well, these are also parts of that taste so maybe you’ll like them too. I certainly hope so :>

Okay I’ve finally finished rule of wolves so here are some thoughts...

- love all the Nina stuff! Her and Hanne are great and I love their shenanigans in the ice court and Nina having to deal with Brum

- I enjoyed learning more about the shu and fjerdan royal families, particularly rasmus! And nina’s interactions with the queen are great

- I also love how when she realises opjer broke out nina’s first thought is “classic Nikolai”

- and Nina making Fjerdans blush is officially the best thing ever

- and the ending :D trans Hanne getting what he deserves and getting to live in a body that feels right for him!!! taking on the role of prince!! Him and Nina being the future grisha king and queen of Fjerda, who are going to change everything!!! Yesss!!! Though the lack of Matthias in the happy ending is of course sad

- ok look I hate the darkling but the scenes with him and his chapters were pretty fun. I love the fact that everyone (particularly Zoya mal and Alina) are just so done showing him even the slightest bit of fear or respect and are just ready to remind him of his war crimes I love it. And Alina is such a saint for agreeing to see that man again

- this war gives off major wwi vibes.

- the genya and David wedding scene was everything but then it was all ruined D,:

- the crows!! Being perfect!! Their conversations being the best thing ever as usual, WESPER!! Jesper being so happy, wylan being willing to break the law as soon as he hears it’s for inej!!!

- a heist!!!

- honestly joran being Matthias’s murderer shook me!! How dare you make me feel things for him Leigh??? And Nina just being so angry and wanting to kill him ahhh

- Nikolai and opjer!!!

- honestly the whole battle for os Kervo is so cool, the missiles, then the bells, nikolai’s demon coming to the fore, the presence of the starless on the edge of it all, the arrival of the khergud and then of course Zoya the dragon!!!

- also can we just appreciate her arc being about learning to open up her heart to love and feelings and ahhh!!! Everyone bowing to her and calling her saint including the darkling and the Drüskelle!!!

- yeah overall the ending really felt like everything wrapped up nicely. It was the perfect fate for the darkling. I liked the idea of Zoya as queen, though at the same time I felt like if nikolai’s not going to be king he ought to be out on the waves being sturmhond Like... he gave up the throne and didn’t even get the freedom he craved??

- and yet despite all this closure then right at the end this new whole thing of kaz heisting sandy felixs heart is brought up??

Anyway yeah it was great and I’m going to dedicate a whole separate post to things nik does in this book that I find very sexy/that I love

2020 Creator Wrap

2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I was tagged by the oh so talented @irolltwenties!

Rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I’m not a particularly prolific writer (WIPs for days, but completed projects? Not so much). Somehow in this hell year though, I did manage to complete more fics than in any previous year for a total of seven new works (~49k words, all on ao3), plus a chunky chap of a long running WIP (~20k words) so I’m actually pretty damn proud of myself! I also made some new fandom friends in 2020 which has easily been one of the biggest delights of the year & has definitely helped my creative momentum, so ty all for that. <3

Counting down from 5, here are my favs:

5. Downtime

I have endless love for JayRoy and it felt so good to finally finish something for them for once this year! All of my past WIPs primarily focused on them ended up firmly in my graveyard folder, including the fic that this one shot was originally meant to be connected to. I liked the way this turned out well enough to clean it up and post it on its own though, so at least now I can say that I have something published for them at last.

(Also it got me back into the JayRoy headspace enough to outline a whole YJ/Earth16 JayRoy fic that I’m excited to start drafting in 2021, so we’ll see where that goes...)

2.3k NSFW; A mix of playful sweet and roughness, just like them.

4. Mirror Image

Bluepulse Week really saved me this year in terms of forcing me to just write, damn it! Did I finish all the prompts this year? Nope. Did it get me to complete a handful of fics that I ended up really loving? Yes. This was one of them.

This fic zoomed into existence entirely out of necessity as an alt idea to a prompt that I had a much longer idea for, but didn’t have time to complete. It then got a positive enough reception that I decided to turn it from a crack-adjacent, passable one-shot to a slightly more developed two-shot by request of one of my commenters. Really, it was writing that second chapter that ended up endearing the fic to me.

6.3k Humor, time travel shenanigans & accidental dating. This fic is the sweetness of teenage crushes, the confusing mess of discovering your sexuality, & laughter with your best friend.

3. Soft Wesper One Shots

Would you look at that, another nsfw piece. Could it be that I’m starting to get to the point where I can look back at completed nsfw fics without cringing terribly? Love that for me.

This fic took me by surprise, tbh. I wouldn’t consider myself a part of the grisaverse fandom (I’m utterly ambivalent toward the OG trilogy & have no plans to read them), but I did fall deeply in love with the whole Six of Crows gang earlier this year to the point of having quite the book hangover afterward, unable to pick up anything else except related fanfic for a couple weeks straight. These fluffy, nsfw scenes were born out of that, and I was pleasantly surprised to see such a positive response to them in the comments. The whole SoC gang has my heart, but the dynamic between Jesper and Wylan in particular got my writing fingers itching.

3.7k Domestic, post-canon fluff & tender sex with flirty Jesper & blushing Wylan abound.

2. Stick With Me

Ohh, I still get warm fuzzies thinking about this fic! If I’m only low-key proud of the first three on this list, this is one I’m legitimately very proud of. I had this idea on the docket already from a convo with @ivyxwrites early this year (or maybe last year? who knows, time means nothing anymore) but used Bluepulse Week as the excuse to finally get started, and I ended up adoring the process of writing it far more than I anticipated.

As much as I love planning out meticulously crafted, plotty stories, sometimes all you want to do is pick some well-loved tropes out of a hat instead and run with them (in this case: stuck in a cabin, only one bed, & heated argument leading to confession). It was freeing to just mess around and have fun with this fic, knowing pretty much right from the get-go how I wanted it to unfold and seeing it so vividly in my mind. It also probably helped that I was writing it for Ivy; it’s much easier for me to stay motivated when creating directly for my friends.

Finishing this was also such a serotonin-filled burst of pure victory for me since, as previously stated, I’m terrible at finishing projects--particularly multi-chap fics, particularly within a decent timeframe.

25.5k A showcase of the essence of what I love about the best friends-to-lovers dynamic. Part character study, part wires getting crossed & uncrossed, and whole idiots to lovers. This fic is the warmth in the pit of your stomach from a yearning made real & the sudden clarity of realizing what you were looking for had already been there all along.

1. The Rest Pt 1: Delicate (Remember Me Chap 4)

Oh, Remember Me. Of everything I’ve ever written, this story remains the one I’m most proud of and certainly the closest to my heart (not to mention the longest running, whoops). The first iteration of the beginning of this story was actually drafted back in 2017, but I walked away from it for a couple of years before deciding to dust it off and try again. It has spiraled into something far bigger in scope than I originally planned for, but I’ve come to love the path it’s led me down so far, and finishing this whopping 20k chunkster of a chapter was like breathing a huge (if temporary) sigh of relief.

This chap was particularly cathartic to write because it allowed for a number of convos between the boys that had really needed to happen, and was finally the ‘getting together’ moment the fic had been building toward for a while. It’s also so sappy I could die, but I will not be apologizing for that, lol. I was really hoping to get Chap 5 up this year as well, but y’know. Sometimes things just don’t work out like you plan for and that’s okay. 

Chap 5 does have 17k done already (with prob another 5-8k still to go) & I’m itching to share it, but no sense in rushing if the end result would suffer for it. Luckily, everyone in comments has been kind enough to beat me over the head with ‘take your time, we don’t mind/we’ll still be here!!!’ which I’m immensely grateful for. So, at least the pressure to hurry up and get it done is purely self-inflicted.

Of all my works, this fic has not only gotten the most passionate responses, but has also been the main gateway for me to interact with other bluepulse creators, which has been a real joy. Nothing brightens my day like the essays people leave me over there from time to time after discovering the fic. That kind of engagement is the highest praise, & responding is very self indulgent fun for me (bc, clearly, I could go on and on about this fic & YJ in general forever).

54.8k total so far (WIP). Bart & Jaime’s relationship journey from beginning to ‘current day’ (aka the moment the fic begins), using amnesia/memory restoration as a framing device. The high highs and low lows of first love, navigating a 3 yr age difference, and the long, winding road from best friends to lovers as the years roll on. Slow-burn-adjacent (in terms of both the boys’ relationship to each other and reader’s relationship to the fic bc of how long I take between goddamn updates).

Tagging @ivyxwrites, @incorrectbatfam, @paintingwithdarkness, @bluepulsebluepulse

Six of Crows but it’s a High School Movie from the 80s

Kaz:

- Kaz is that one weird kid who always wears sunglasses

-and when a teacher asks him to take them off, he says it’s because of light sensitivity

- a lot of people believe he’s legally blind and just really good at hiding it

- he’s the go to person for people who need fake IDs or booze or other shady things

- that’s why he’s widely respected, but not really popular aka doesn’t have a lot of friends

- in Ferris Bueller fashion Principal Van Eck constantly tries to expose him but Kaz is just too good

Jesper

- Jesper and Kaz have been friends for like forever, they don’t even remember when they started hanging out

- He helps out Kaz with his little business, his favorite part are the bets

- basically people bet on things to happen throughout the school year, they even expanded to taking bets for high school football and teachers and parents actually take part in this

- he’s lowkey addicted to this

- he’s fun at parties

- like the most fun

- sometimes he drinks too much

Inej

- Inej moved to the town just when freshmen year came around

- she didn’t know anyone, barely spoke the language and some girls took her in but they only did it because Inej was “the foreign girl” and she seemed kind of clueless navigating this setting

- at some point she ends up in detention, because her “friends” tricked her and that’s where she meets Kaz

- and Kaz likes her, because she actually is super smart and people don’t notice her

- which makes her a perfect candidate for collecting gossip

- she’s into gymnastics but she never really gets to try out for the team because Kaz and his shenanigans kind of take over

- she’s really cute

- Inej is always cute this never changes

Nina

- Nina is a nerd/goth gf

- people gossip about her a lot because she had the audacity to get boobs in middle school and is now proclaimed a slut, not to mention she had a boyfriend pretty early

- “disgusting”

- Nina doesn’t like slut shaming

- Kaz and her used to be closer in middle school but she kind of stays away from a lot of people because they’re annoying

- but when people get to know her, she’s super sweet and definitely like the therapist they never knew they needed

- she’s kind of goth ngl

- she likes to hang out with the outcasts cause they usually don’t judge a book by its cover

Matthias

- finally the jock character we deserve

- he and his friends used to bully nina but then one summer he and nina both actually went to the same camp as counselors and he found out that she is actually really cool

- and more ;)

- he thought they would totally start dating once summer was over but nina, because she thought that he was gonna be a dick again, basically ignored him on the first day of school

- he didn’t go back to bullying her, but he was super hurt by the whole thing and that’s why he acts cold around her

- like she really turned his world upside down

- he’s that kind of character who’s constantly under pressure to be the best, which breaks him

- he doesn’t really know what he’s good at besides football and that drives him crazy

- he’s known only the epic highs and lows of high school football

- hanging out with kaz and his crew gives him new opportunities to be himself

- Matthias likes that

Wylan

- ahhh, the principal’s son

- he used to be homeschooled but his dad decided to enter him at his school so he can have an eye on him

- he’s the new kid and everyone is kind of staying away from him

- except Kaz, because the insight this kid has on principal Van Eck is priceless

- he’s good at science, specifically chemistry duh

- he wants to do the pyrotechnics for the theater kids

- and of course he has the biggest crush on jesper but he never gets invited to parties so he’s :(

- until he eventually does because of kaz and god jesper drinks with him and wylan has the worst hangover of his life

- but maybe it was worth it

do you have any book recs?

Do I ever! Let’s just do twelve books I tend to rec to everyone.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. Y’know, from TV? Demon and angel team up to stop the apocalypse, and they are terrible at it. Fortunately there’s also a witch, a witch-hunter, a semi-phony psychic, and four children, and there are at least three braincells between them. My all-time favorite book.

Vicious by V.E. Schwab. Two basically-amoral grad students get superpowers, and from there, Very Bad Things Happen. They go from being best friends to trying to murder each other. Complex schemes, horrible people doing horrible things, and found families, ahoy!

Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee. More superheroes, less pain. Daughter of D-list superheroes has no powers, much to her annoyance, and gets an internship where her dream girl works... an internship for the local D-list supervillains. She takes it anyway because 1) it actually pays, 2) again, dream girl, and 3) she figures, “Oh, this will be hilarious.” And it is.

The Hearts We Sold by Emily Lloyd-Jones. Not-so-distant future, demons have popped up on Earth like, “yo. We’re here, we make deals, just hand over a body part in exchange for a wish. It doesn’t matter why.” Protagonist makes a deal in exchange for... wait for it... tuition money. (Been there.) The demon rips out her heart and has her under contract for two years, and from there, things get weird.

Nevermoor: The Trials of Morrigan Crow by Jessica Townsend. PLEASE READ THIS I’M BEGGING YOU. A young girl cursed to die on her eleventh birthday is rescued when she’s whisked away to the magical world of Nevermoor. But the man who rescued her did so by smuggling her in... completely illegally. And if they can’t find a legal way for her to stay, she’ll be sent home. Where she’ll, ya know, die. Thus begin the Trials, where if she passes, she’ll join the Wundrous Society, and be safe. An absolutely fantastic and magical read for all ages, with one of the best heroines in children’s lit.

Warcross by Marie Lu. In the future, the world’s biggest form of entertainment is a virtual reality game called Warcross. Our heroine is a hacker who tries to breach the opening ceremonies of the Warcross Championships in a last-ditch effort to make some money, and instead accidentally hacks herself into the game. Rather than arrest her, the creator of Warcross hires her to figure out what’s wrong with his system, and find a spy among the competitors. FANTASTIC action, representation, and worldbuilding.

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas. You’ve probably heard of this one. Inspired by the #BlackLivesMatter movement. Our teenage protagonist is the sole witness when her best friend is shot and killed by a cop, and is forced to choose between standing up and doing what is right, and staying silent and safe. Fucking harrowing at times, but with a warm and surprisingly hilarious narrator to keep it from being too much.

Annie on my Mind by Nancy Garden. A LANDMARK of LGBT lit, being one of the first novels to portray lesbians in a positive light, a must-read for any baby gay (and recommended reading for allies). 1980s New York, two teenage girls meet, become best friends in record time, and gradually realize they’re in love. Has what is still one of the best portrayals of first love I’ve ever read. My dad bought this for me after I came out. Thanks, Dad.

Nimona by Noelle Stevenson. A graphic novel! Teenage shapeshifter rolls up on the local supervillain’s lair like, “I am your biggest fan, dude. Also, I can turn into a shark. Hire me.” Shenanigans and PAIN ensue. The whole thing reads like a D&D campaign, it’s great.

Anya’s Ghost by Vera Brosgl. Another graphic novel, this one with a horror angle. Moody and rebellious teenager dislikes everything about her life, from her weight to her lack of social status to the fact that she’s a Russian immigrant (though she tries to hide this). This changes when she falls down a well, and meets the ghost of Emily, a young girl who died a century before. And she is happy to be her friend. Forever. REALLY spooky, with some fantastic art.

The Land by Yesterday by K.A. Reynolds. A melancholy and darker read, about how we deal -- or don’t deal -- with grief. When our heroine’s younger brother dies, partially due to her own actions, her whole world falls apart. The spirit inhabiting her house goes mad, her father is consumed by depression, and her mother follows her son into the Land of Yesterday, where all souls go after they die. Desperate to put her family back together, our heroine follows her, and tries not to become a lost soul herself.

Dread Nation by Justina Ireland. I’m currently in the middle of this, and I am in LOVE. After the Civil War, zombies happened, and now, one of the best opportunities for black teenagers, including our heroine Jane, is to enlist to be a bodyguard for rich white people against the undead fuckers. Not only are the horror and action fantastic, it is a truly fascinating take on an alternate history, and a look into the Reconstruction Era.

And I’d be remiss not to recommend Most Ardently by Susan Mesler-Evans... aka... the book I wrote. Modern-day, WLW, diverse remix of Pride and Prejudice. Feminism, family dynamics, and fuckery abound.

So. Yeah.

Best Movies Coming to Netflix in May 2021

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Movies are slowly coming back to life at the cinemas. You can see it with each glowing report about a Godzilla vs. Kong or Mortal Kombat doing solid business. And for those with more discerning tastes, films like In the Heights and Those Who Wish Me Dead are definitely going to make their release dates.

Nonetheless, there are many who are understandably not ready to go back to theaters (or have yet to get an HBO Max subscription). Thus Netflix remains an old reliable option. While the Netflix movie selection can be narrow, each month offers some worthwhile gems to revisit or even discover. And May has a surprisingly robust group of Hollywood films from the last 40 years coming to the streaming service on May 1. Here are the best ones.

Back to the Future (1985)

Great Scott! Back to the Future is coming to Netflix. As one of the most beloved films of the 1980s—if not ever—it’s doubtful we need to explain in great detail why this is exciting news. From its star-making turn by Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly to the grand musical score by Alan Silvestri, everything about this movie justworks. Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale’s script is like a Swiss watch in precision, paying off every single setup in the film’s first act when Marty commandeers a time machine made by Doc Brown (a lovable Christopher Lloyd) and accidentally travels from 1985 to 1955… to meet his parents as teenagers!

More time has passed since the movie’s release than the once massive generational gap between the film’s primarily ‘50s setting and 1985. Yet it still plays as a timeless story about family, time travel, and manure. Large piles of manure. By the way, the rest of the Back to the Future trilogy is coming to Netflix, too.

Hachi: A Dog’s Tale (2009)

Forget about all the “sad” dog movies of the last decade where canines have funny voiceover narrations and then die on repeat. Hachi: A Dog’s Tale is a very bitter, bittersweet dog’s journey based on a harder truth. A remake of the 1980s Japanese film, Hachikō Monogatari, this American movie is based on the real events surrounding Hachikō, an Akita dog who lived in 1920s Japan. Every day Hachikō would run to the train station, awaiting his master’s return from work. One day, after a fatal stroke, his master never returned. Yet for another 10 years, the dog would escape its various new owners and spend the afternoon waiting at the station.

Directed by The Cider House Rules’ Lasse Hallström, Hachi captures this anecdote about a dog’s loyalty with grace and genuine sweetness. But you’re not going to get through it dry-eyed.

The Land Before Time (1988)

Before it birthed a string of straight-to-video movies meant to babysit pint-sized millennials, the original Land Before Time was a generational touchstone for childhoods in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s. Overseen by Don Bluth at the height of his talent, and in partnership with Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment, The Land Before Time is a marvel in animation from the period before Disney Animation’s renaissance. It follows an assortment of baby dinosaurs, including a recently orphaned “longneck” named Littlefoot, after a horrible earthquake has rained devastation on all the isolated herbivores. But together they may just find salvation in a land called the Great Valley.

Essentially a dinosaur road movie for children, to the modern eye it’s told with a surprisingly delicate sensitivity. There is no fourth-wall breaking humor and sideways smirks here. It’s a very earnest fairytale captured in the lost art of hand-drawn animation.

The Lovely Bones (2009)

Based on Alice Sebold’s 2002 bestselling book of the same name, The Lovely Bones has a tough premise: a teen girl is raped and murdered, and goes to heaven where she watches her loved ones attempt to process and move on after her disappearance. The debut novel was not only very popular, but generally well-received for its treatment of trauma, sexual assault, and grief.

The movie, directed by Peter Jackson and starring Saoirse Ronan, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon, and Stanley Tucci, among others… was not as well received, fairly criticized for its prioritization of CGI heavenly visuals over a nuanced, character-driven story. You may wonder, then, why we’re recommending a movie that wasn’t great? Because The Lovely Bones is a fascinating watch for those interested in the limits of adaptation and, in particular, how a great filmmaker with expansive resources (including a very talented cast) can fail if they’re not the right person for the job. 

Mystic River (2003)

As one of Clint Eastwood’s best films as director, Mystic River was the first cinematic adaptation of a Dennis Lehane novel, and the author’s hardboiled vision of Boston’s tragically seedy underbelly is well realized here. As much about the hard luck community on the South Side as the story of three men, it nonetheless tracks how neighborhood lives intersect.

We meet three boyhood friends in the movie’s unnerving opening and then jump to their bitter middle age. Oe of them, reformed gangster Jimmy (Sean Penn), has a daughter who’s been found murdered in a gutter. His onetime pal Sean (Kevin Bacon), now a detective, swears he’ll figure out who the killer is, and both men’s estranged acquaintance Dave (Tim Robbins) knows more than he’s letting on. All three’s fates are interlinked in this operatic passion play about the traumas we keep hidden until we’re drowning in regret.

Notting Hill (1999)

Though Four Weddings and a Funeral might have put writer Richard Curtis and star Hugh Grant on the map as the kings of ‘90s British romance, Notting Hill is arguably their true pinnacle. Grant plays a foppish bookshop owner who happens to meet the most famous actress in the world, Anna Scott (played by Julia Roberts who might just have been the most famous actress in the world at that time) when she stumbles into his shop.

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From the sympathy brownie competition, the junket where Grant’s William Thacker has to pretend to be a journalist from Horse & Hound, and Rhys Ifans in his pants, there are plenty of funny, moving moments. But it’s the two montage scenes—a walk through Notting Hill as seasons change to Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine,” and the final montage to Elvis Costello’s “She”—that would melt the hardest of hearts. Rom-com perfection.

Scarface (1983)

Reviews were not initially kind to Scarface, director Brian de Palma’s explosive three-hour remake of the 1932 gangster classic starring Paul Muni (that in turn was based on a novel which loosely chronicled the rise of Al Capone). Written by Oliver Stone and starring Al Pacino as psychopathic Cuban refugee-turned-drug-kingpin Tony Montana, the 1983 film was excoriated by critics for its relentlessly graphic violence, excessive foul language, and over-the-top performances, especially by its leading man. But critics at the time missed the point: Scarface was a reflection of its time—the hedonistic, greed-driven, cocaine-fueled ‘80s—and was appropriately and utterly crazed as a result.

The film did mark the moment when Pacino transitioned from intense, thoughtful character actor to (mostly) histrionic circus barker, but he leaves it all on the field and his mania drives the fast-paced film to its epic, bloodsoaked, and unbelievable (in all aspects of the word) conclusion. As a metaphor for the insane decade of excess that birthed it, Scarface is riveting, breathless, occasionally shocking and often unintentionally hilarious. It’s the gangster movie on coke.

State of Play (2009)

Kevin Macdonald’s remake of a British miniseries by the same name turned out to be a strong thriller in its own right. With a whip smart script by Tony Gilroy and Billy Ray, this movie doubles as both an enjoyable investigative procedural and a love letter to journalism just as newspapers were beginning to die out in the 2000s. Russell Crowe plays Cal McAffrey in the film, the last of the old school guard of reporters, but his ethics will be challenged when the congressman with a dead young woman on his staff turns out to be his old college buddy (Ben Affleck). Rachel McAdams also stars as a young blogger who learns the thrill of chasing a story that takes more than an afternoon to research. Helen Mirren, Robin Wright, and Jeff Daniels also star.

The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

Remember when they made comedies for adults? The Whole Nine Yards is one such anomaly. Really a buddy film about a suicidal dentist (Matthew Perry) and a gangster living under a phony alias who moves in next door (Bruce Willis in one of his last truly charming performances), this giggles and gangsters laugher is a secretly delightful ensemble movie with a deep bench of talent. Indeed, Kevin Pollack, Amanda Peet, Nastsha Henstridge, and Michael Clarke Duncan, as the cuddliest gangster you’ll ever see punch your protagonist in the balls until he’s pissing blood, all get to shine. With a twisty plot, it’s an R-rated throwback to the type of screwball shenanigans that were once Hollywood’s bread and butter.

Zombieland (2009)

It’s rare when calling something the second best zombie comedy ever made is high praise, but in a horror subgenre that also includes Shaun of the Dead, this is high praise for Zombieland. As an R-rated teen comedy, one suspects the filmmakers almost lucked into the absurdly talented cast they assembled with Emma Stone, Jessie Eisenberg, and Woody Harrelson. In the years since this movie’s release, all three were nominated for Oscars (Stone even won one), but in ’09 they’re just having a blast with this goofy stoner hybrid about a dysfunctional makeshift family having fun during the zombie apocalypse.

Also, it features arguably the greatest comedy cameo ever conceived. If you haven’t seen it, I’m not going to spoil it for you here either…

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hello! it’s youngin anon once more in your inbox, i hope you’re staying safe rn! since quarantine has put a lot of free time in my hands all of a sudden, I’ve been reading more. so I was wondering if you have suggestions for books on medieval history (in general or ones good for beginners) I would also be open to any book recommendations in general. Hope you have a lovely day (or as lovely as they can get during quarantine) :D

My dear, please know that I am delighted to see you back and I hope that you are likewise taking care of yourself. I am... here, at any rate, though my mental health has really taken a beating recently and real life has been kicking my ass more than usual the last two weeks. So that’s that, but never mind. You are sweet to ask.

Anyway, as far as medieval history books go, I am (ironically!) not the best person to ask for recommendations, because I read almost nothing that is popular history, beginner level, or otherwise at all interesting to the average layman and/or woman. All my reading material on this subject is academic in nature, dense, highly footnoted and while you can take a hack at it, I have a feeling that it would quickly defeat the purpose. Chris Wickham’s Medieval Europe, published in 2016, was the core book for first-year undergraduates in my history survey courses a couple years ago; he is a decent writer as far as academics go, and it will give you a broad-picture sweep. I read it differently from how you will, but there’s that. 

If you would like things that will actually entertain you during lockdown, here’s a list of the things that I have recently been reading, rereading, or otherwise had stacked on my bedside table for an inordinately long amount of time:

YA:

The Mediator (6-book series) by Meg Cabot, a blast from my teenage past that I was struck with an urge to revisit, don’t judge me, we need coping mechanisms. Teenage girl who can talk to ghosts moves to CA, meets hot boy ghost, tries to survive high school. There is also Remembrance, published in 2016, which is a book in that same universe for adults.

The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh, a retelling of Scheherazade from the Thousand and One Nights that I have not actually read yet. But mean to, since I really enjoy the webcomic based on it.

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo, she has many highly regarded YA novels and I very much enjoyed her Ninth House.

The Amulet of Samarkand, The Golem’s Eye, Ptolemy’s Gate, aka the Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud, another blast from my teenage past that I recently reread and was like “wow this explains so much about how I turned out.”

Fiction:

Crazy Rich Asians, China Rich Girlfriend, Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan, a trilogy of soapy escapist high-society romcom novels set among the ultra-rich of Singapore and Asia (you may have seen the movie based on the first book). 

The City of Brass, The Kingdom of Copper by S.A. Chakraborty, a trilogy based in a rich Middle Eastern fantasy world. The third book, The Empire of Gold, comes out I think at the end of June, which I am looking forward to.

Rodham by Curtis Sittenfeld, I have not actually read this as it is not yet released (also June I think) but it is a fictional version of Hillary Rodham Clinton’s life as imagined if she didn’t marry Bill and did become president. I have read American Wife by Sittenfeld, which is based on a fictional Laura Bush’s life, and enjoyed it.

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston, speaking of fictional presidents, but do yourself a favor and read this if you haven’t already. The First Son of the United States falls in love with the Prince of England. So many shenanigans and Feelings abound. It reads like a fanfic. It’s great. I adore this book with my whole soul.

Reamde by Neal Stephenson. A giant, sprawling, techno-thriller/global crime caper/terrorist manhunt. I just finished rereading this book and I still find it to be one of my longtime favorites. If you attempt it, just settle down and accept that you’re in for a long and madcap ride. One of his other recent books that I very much enjoyed is The Rise and Fall of DODO, with Nicole Galland, which is about the triumphs and travails of a time travel organization secretly working for the US government.

Nonfiction:

Catch and Kill by Ronan Farrow, the true-life story of the investigation that ultimately brought down Harvey Weinstein and other major sexual predators. So you know, a light and fun read. But important.

The Spy and the Traitor by Ben MacIntyre, Cold War intrigue that tells the story of senior KGB agent and double agent for MI6 Oleg Gordievsky.

Thunderstruck by Erik Larson, the story of a famous 19th-century murderer and manhunt intertwined with the invention of wireless technology; Larson is known for his excellent narrative nonfiction so you can’t really go wrong with any of his books.

Due to the plague, I have been furloughed from my part-time job at my local bookstore, which has put a terrible crimp in my habit of acquiring stacks of new books at ill-advised speed. But hopefully some of that looks interesting, and I hope you enjoy!

The Casagrandes Reviews: Croaked!

Halloween Havoc rolls on as we shine a light on the other beloved holiday on October 31st, Day of the Dead! Sid and Ronnie Anne’s well meaning plan to help Sid’s sister Adelaide move on from her frog’s death ends up convincincing the small child she has power over life and death. I’m sure all big sisters do that at some point. More about the whole being dead thing under the cut. 

I’ve hyped this one up in both previous Casgrandes reviews, so as you can tell i’m excited for this one. As i’ve mentioned before but will repeat for anyone new here, I absolutley love this episode and when I did a binge a month ago for labor day of this show, it was one of the standouts by a wide margin. I only held off so long because why should Halloween be the only holiday I cover during spooky season huh? I mean yes it’s in my halloween coverage’s title but  there’s always room for incusivlity. Like jello or Wolverine. 

As for if i’m covering this show’s paired episode, the show’s episode for halloween itself...

Yeah I have nothing against the episode ITSELF, it’s just.. eh. I mean we do get bobby as a dracula and sid as a lobster, a cute dance sequence and Stanley griping about not getting to wear his costume at work, which is valid, and then wearing said taco costume at the end... it’s just wrapped around your standard “character blows off a family engagment for something that turns out to suck” plot, the only diffrence being Bobby being the best brother ever is supportive of Ronnie Anne going to a 6th grade party and gladly helps salvage the night at the end. And it wasn’t a plot I liked to begin with, so it had that going against it. And I Know, I tend to zero in on i’ve seen it before a lot.. but that’s because .. it’s OKAY to do a tried and true plot tha’ts been done a million times as long as you can do something entertaining with it.  Both She Ra and Avatar the Last Airbender are about a world tha’ts long been conquered whose long lost savior comes to turn the tide of the war.. but that’s about as much as they share in direct comparison and both are fucking fantastic for diffrent reasons entirely.  But as rehashes go that episode wasn’t BAD , just eh, and i’d rather focus on things I can write more about frankly. 

Speaking of which, yeah I love this episode, and like “Mexican Makeover” it comes from Lalo Alcaraz of La Cucharacha fame, a comic strip writer whose also the show’s consultant for mexican culture, and is part of why the former episode disapointed me: because this one was REALLY fucking good. So enough hype , pitter patter let’s get at er.  The episode opens with Rosa setting up a day of the dead altar for her Father, with Sid and Ronnie Anne wondering what’s up, with Sid out and out wondering if Day of the Dead is mexican halloween something i’m ashamed to admit I thought of it as for years and years, because i’m as white as I am dumb, and most cartoons didn’t go much beyond “the dead come back for a day” and get into the more metaphorhical aspects we get to here. I assume Coco is the exception, as is the book of life I just still need to watch both. And yes you may boo me over this, I certainly deserve this.  I do however like this line as it’s a common misconception, and gives a  lot of kids likely thinking the same about the holiday in the audience a surrogate.

Ronnie Anne also wonders what the altar’s for. Rosa, while minorly annoyed at the two is happy to edcuate explaning it’s a day for honoring your loved ones and inviting them back, metaphorically though the metaphor was lost on young me since both Mucha Lucha and El Tigre had the dead literally come back, via an altar with offerings of their favorite things. It’s a nice bit that not only explains the holiday for those in the audience who either forgot a lot of that (raises hand) or didn’t know any of that, and also helps explain how the holiday is metaphoircal, something I didn’t think about before because as we’ve established i’m kinda dumb. The point is I like it.  Sid however gets an idea: Her sister Adelaide has been down in the dumps since her Frog, Froggy died, likely named after Big the Cat’s frog but this Froggy’s penchant for running off probably just got him ran over since Adelaide lives in the city and Frogger is sadly inaccurate, as George Costanza leanred the hard way. 

So our ambigiously gay duo visit Addy, who being a 6 year old who just lost her pet is bawling her eyes out. So our duo tells her about day of the dead and they set out to get froggy’s faviorite things: From shoelaces to the hoppit, a frog themed version of the hobbit I both wish is real and belives is probably better than the second two hobbit movies, flies (with help from a dirty diaper because this show and it’s sister can’t resist poop jokes.. go with your audience I guess), and a lilypad. The result is this. 

I”m.. not going to ask why a 6 year old’s frog has the frog equilvent of a naked burt renoylds on a bearskin rug photo, froggy’s sexy secrets died with him. But unfortuntely nuance is lost on a 6 year old, so Addy assumed Froggy was actually coming back and just grieves harder now. So Sid comes up with Plan B B: bring froggy back from the dead at the old pet semetary. Though since they don’t want to defile his body they try a dead ally cat first instead.  

One Zombie Test Cat later, they decide sometimes dead is better and just go with plan b: Sid once had a goldfish that died and her parents got her a replacement, and since it worked on her, and apparently still works on Bobby, they decide to pull that. They rent a frog from the pet store. And if your asking “wait pet stores , even fictional ones, do that” and suprisingly.. no they do not, but Pete, the guy at the pet shop which is also named after him, likes Sid’s mom’s tour. Okay two questions: one is that little pete from the adventures of pete and pete all grown up? I mean I know what happend to his actor... 

But in universe we have no idea. And Brendon Small, the character and the actor, showed up on Clarence so it’s plausable. And secondly where can I get the job as owner of my own pet store near melissa joan hart doing a gator show. I may have a career goal now. 

So they sneak in subsittue froggy, and we get an adorable montage of Addy hanging out with Froggy the Second: Getting some son, eating flies (though Addy spits her’s out. She’s not Lana.), and watching the Hoppit.. as I wish to one day. I mean we see a trippy bit of it but not the actual thing.. I guess I can add seeing a full version to my small list of things related to this franchise that I only I want along with my a diffrent world-esque spinoff show following Lori and Bobby. 

Addy happily sleeps after that giant ball of adorable, and Sid and Ronnie Anne take Froggy 2 back to Creepy Guy at the Pet Store.. I mean Pete.. I mean Future Me. So Sid pats herself on the back metaphoircally for the plan.. which this being a sitcom, naturally has kinda snowballed. Now Addy thinks she has power over life and death. Guess she has the same Christmas LIst as Crow

As not to break a small child’s heart for the second time in two days, our heroines decide they have to bring back her wish list: Great Aunt Milly, Old Mr Woodburn, and Abraham Lincoln. 

Since they don’t have a time traveling phone booth, they’ll have to go with the next best thing, my boy Tio Carlos. Seriously why they don’t use this adorable nerd more is beyond me. But Carols being an adorable history nerd gladly agrees to play LIncoln for what he thinks is a play.. I mean greanted they could just tell him the truth. He’s a dad, he gets this kinda thing. Meanwhile our girls dress up like said aunt milly and shenanigans insue. It’s a really funny scene.. until it falls apart with the mr. woodburn impersination, revealing it was all a hoax, and sending Addleaide crying to her room understandably not wanting to talk to either of them. Still we got Carolos as lincoln. That’s not nothing. 

But yeah having made things worse by accident, the girls go to Rosa for help who while understandably annoyed at the mess they made, is more than willing to come with and help. Because Rosa is fucking amazing ,that’s why. She sucessfully coaxes Addy out and then takes her down to the Casagrande’s place to show off her altar and explain the true meaning of day of the dead: Thinking about your loved ones.. keeps the memories alive. Thinking about who they were, what they loved, what they meant to you.. it’s not raising the dead.. but honring them. It  not only made the real value of the holiday sink in for me but i’ts a good message for kids, and a good way to teach them about a holiday most probably didn’ know how it worked if they even knew at all. It’s a really sweet powerful moment, and the combination of alcaraz’s writing and Sonia Manzano really brings it to this scene. It’s easily the show’s best. Good stuff. 

Froggy II interupts the scene.. turns out a trail of bacon bits, that we saw left earlier, lead him back, and Pete’s been following him the whole way and is winded because of course he is. We’re in the same blobby shape I get it man your fine. So with Addy already liking the second froggy, and having fully come to terms with the first’s death, Sid offers Pete tickets to her mom’s show in exchange for Froggy II, whose named that in this scene and who we saw in uptown funk. As long as it’s the splash zone he’s fine with it and Sid knows her mom enough well enough to know Becca would probably gladly trade a ticket for her daughter’s hapiness. Plus it’s easier to get someone to willingnly sign the wavers about getting gator blood on them when they already want that so win win.  We end on a Day of the Dead party with the whole cast in day of the dead makeup, eveyrone happy.. except Carl who’se subplot of spreading marigolds everywhere I missed and he ended up at the Loud House. Why this didn’t lead to a crossover I dunno. I mean if Steve Urkel can jetpack into the family from step by step’s yard,  why not? I know the 90′s were a diffrent time but this was a missed opportunity. Funny gag anyway. And scene. 

Final Thoughts: I was pretty transparent with this one: I think it’s a wonderful, heartfelt, and well done look at day of the dead tha’ts educational without cramming the education part down your throat, like any good cartoon that teachs you something should do, and it’s also really funny and endearing.Not much else to say, it’s just really good and I was glad to highlight it and if you haven’t seen it, please do it’s perfect viewing for the season. If you want more Casagrandes I have two reviews under the nick tab on my blog, and will be covering the second batch of Halloween/Day of the Dead episodes later this month, along with the new loud house halloween special Ghosted. And if you can’t wait for either of those, monday i’ll be covering the new ducktales halloween special. Until we meet again, viva la muretos. Play us out Nimoy...