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naughty-shiro · 5 months

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Sae and Rin fall in love with a sweet female reader?

"You make my heart race faster than soccer"

⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹ ıllı Rin/reader - Sae/reader - seperate﹒ ♡ afab/fem!reader / silly crushes / Fluffy ✶ ᐢ..ᐢ﹒ ＞＜﹐🔗 reader is just the sweetest and I want the best for her @ :: ┆﹒♡ ✦. contains: confessions (both), secret admirer (Rin), denial (Rin), LDR (Sae),

☆⋆｡𖦹 Itoshi Rin

-͟͟͞☆ He had no intentions on falling in love, he can't, he won't allow himself to. He has to beat his brother.

-͟͟͞☆ If so... why did you manage to make him feel so weak in the knees whenever you smiled so brightly, the sort of smile that would sooth the soul.

-͟͟͞☆ the way your lips would curve upwards so effortlessly. The way he'd notice how your eyes would genuinely sparkle with excitement when something good happened.

-͟͟͞☆ you made him so weak in the knees and his heart would always speed up when you would enter his class to talk to your friends.

-͟͟͞☆ your voice... sounds like a fairytale princess, He becomes enchanted by it.

-͟͟͞☆ He hates himself to much for falling for someone especially when his rival (brother) is abroad getting better and he is sat pathetically smittened by some girl.

-͟͟͞☆ He often thought of what it would be like to hold you in his arms, oh how perfectly you'd fit, nice and snug. to spoil you with all the things you want to make sure that smile stayed. that same smile that Rin will never be sick of.

-͟͟͞☆ He would ask the people you would talk to and would right little love notes and put them in the locker.

-͟͟͞☆ After the first one, you would leave Rin a letter in your locker although addressed to "little stranger"

-͟͟͞☆ After a small letter exchange, he noticed how cute and pretty your handwriting is, he was thinking what part of you isn't so sweet and kind? This letter Rin wrote... it will be the letter that will give you the opportunity to find out who your secret admirer was.

-͟͟͞☆ Rin was confident you wouldn't hurt his feelings. Rin waits on the rooftop of the school, with a bouquet of white and lavender roses. He was a little nervous but he wants to show these feelings so he can get closure you both needed.

-͟͟͞☆ When you finally meet him on the roof: ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

"You're Itoshi, from my friends class right?" You softly ask. Slowly, you make your way to him, not sure about his demeanor, You were told he is quite unfriendly and distant. But, You wanted to give Rin a chance.

"I am... listen. I may not be the nicest and I may not be the easiest to be around, if you hear from others... and I like routine, I wish for you to become a part of that routine in my life, I want to dedicate time to you and you alone."

Rin notices blush creep onto your cheeks. "I..."

Rin grows anxious with anticipation, as if he is about to go for the winning goal, his goal this time not being a net but the enchantress in front of him.

"I would love that!" That smile Rin fell for is back. A small smile appeared on his lips. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I had feelings for you for a while now, but I didn't know how to approach you" With that, his heart started to accelerate, he didn't know how much you reciprocated until this moment. "You can say we were mutually pining," You shyly nodded to yourself.

"I have something for you..." Rin speaks which caught your attention.

"you do?" You tilt your head slightly, so sweetly. That doesn't go unnoticed by Rin, he found those little actions you did subconsciously so adorable.

"here, for you." With that Rin hands you the bouquet of flowers, the beautiful purple and white bouquet. Your cheeks heat up as you press your lips together for a moment, eyes a little watery. Rin notices before lowering the bouquet a little, more concerned for you. The tears made his heart hurt a little. "Are you okay?"

"y-yeah! I'm okay, just very happy" and that smile that caused his heart to race is back on your face. he had a soft smile on his face. he lightly lifts your arm as he places the bouquet in your arms. it was when he touched your hand is when he knew in that moment he will stop at nothing to keep you with him, his whole live.

──────────﹒★﹒﹒─ ─﹒﹒★﹒──────────

☆⋆｡𖦹 Itoshi Sae

ִ ࣪𖤐 if the blackcat and gingercat dynamic were in a friendship it would have to be you and Sae. of course the blackcat being the latter.

ִ ࣪𖤐 He met you in Germany, You were the daughter of the host family to stay with while he was in Germany (kind of like paying rent as well as helping out).

ִ ࣪𖤐 You showed Sae around, trying to get a conversation around him, unsuccessful however, he never protested your presence. You figured it was that he was more reserved and prefers to listen.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Once he asked for your number, and you notice through messages he is more vocal about what he wants.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sae was drawn to your appearance at first, you had the qualities he was looking for. Of course, thinking it was fleeting. The more he was with you, the more he mind wondered to other forms of communication.

ִ ࣪𖤐 He had to return to Japan soon since his Visa was about to run out but he bought you a present with a card reading "nicht öffnen, bevor ich es sage" (Don't open until I say so)

ִ ࣪𖤐 You listen to the instructions, despite wanting to desperately open the small box Sae gave you before he left to go back to Japan.

ִ ࣪𖤐 You felt very lonely without having him to talk to, well having him to listen to you ramble about something completely out of the blue. You missed watching him play. You missed it all.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sae misses your verbal rants, although you still rant to him though messaging, it's not the same. He figured this crush isn't going away anytime soon. He has to act.

ִ ࣪𖤐 He takes a little bit of time to work up the courage... what if you wanted just a platonic relationship? what if you only saw him as a brother?? Those are thoughts that were plaguing his mind before committing to what he was originally planning to do. ˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

(imagine the conversation above and following are in German)

You send him a call request, Sae takes a deep breath before clicking the accept button. When he sees your face once again, he realised how much he misses you. "it's been a little while since we last saw eachother."

You nodded in response. "it hasss! So what did you want to discuss?"

it was silent for a little as you were wondering what caused him to be so silent. "are you okay?"

You ask silently, He snaps out and nods. "Yeah, I'm alright. Have you opened that gift i gave you?"

You shake your head as you start to play with your sleeves. "you said to not open it until you said so... so I decided to wait until you told me to..."

he lightly smiles as he is glad you kept the instructions you kept for him. "I want you to open it now."

You nod as you start to lift the silk ribbon on the box, he kept an intent gaze on you. You pull out a shirt and a bottle of collogue.

"Sae, what are these for?" You ask intently. he clears his throat.

"well... I'm not sure if you like me romantically, but on the off chance you do and I won't be able to return any time soon, that is one of my tops, it used to be my favorite but you mentioned how much you liked it on me and you always complimented my collogue. if you ever miss me you can wear the shirt and use the collogue. Do you accept my confession?"

You were stunned and Sae could see that. He gave you a moment to think.

"...愛してる" You mutter, which caused Sae to widen his eyes in surprise, he felt his heart race faster than he ever thought was possible.

"you reciprocate?" He asks, somewhat in shock. He notices you nod.

"it was a shame we didn't start dating before you left... I would have loved cuddling you." You pout lightly.

"When I return to you, we can cuddle while you rant your life away once again."

.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・．.・゜✧﹒☁﹒✧゜・． ≡^∇^≡ (Masterlist) !! ↓ ✭ (Events) ≫ (Request rules / Tag list/ anon list) <3

#blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk #bllk x reader #sae itoshi #rin itoshi #sae fluff #rin fluff #sae itoshi x rea #rin itoshi x reader

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that-bitttch · 2 years

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Reasons I dislike Nancy Wheeler:

1) She just feels super two dimensional to me ngl. Even without taking a look at her character arc and actions, she kinda just.. exists for me

2) her whole personality can basically be summarised as: Independent woman who likes boys and guns. Yes I can and will look further into that if wanted in another post.

3) She is so condescending? Like all the time! Her opinion is the only valid one apparantly and everyone else is below her. Examples of this include: her treatment of Robin, her treatment of the kids, her treatment of Fred and many more.

4) She insults literally everyone. S1 begins with her insulting Steve's intelligence (which i have a lot of issues regarding not just for Nancy but all of the shows characters and I will follow up on this). S4 she insults Fred, a literal child following her guidance, for having differing opinions, IN THE 80S!! as people like to say when defending the shows harsher aspects.

5) her character literally never develops. S1 she began investigating Barbs death and never stopped. Held her feminist ideals *THAT I AM NOT AGAINST FTR*. Got given a gun and boys. And that was it for her. Every single season for her goes the exact same: Something bad happens, Nancy investigates, people doubt her and laugh, gets given a speech to carry on, is proven right, shoots the bad guy.

6) Does not seem to overly care about anyone else? S1 she did not GAF about anything going on unless it affected her. Will went missing? gosh Mike stop acting childish. Barb goes missing? Why is the world so unfair! Nobody is listening to me!

7) Like, she was only really investigating for her own career? In s3 and 4 in the least. She may have posed it to everyone else that she cared about the odd events, but she just wanted to be the first to get the good story. Like talking to Wayne Munson in the beginning and trying to invoke sympathy for her plight. It was just.. Not It for me.

8) she is selfish. Like i get she is a teenager, and teenagers are selfish, but... I would not like her irl unlike the other characters. Not one bit. She is always in everything for herself and she refuses to out herself in other peoples shoes for even a second. Mike is distraught over Will? Lets go have sex with Steve and argue with Mike. Steve wants to pretend a literal TRAUMATISING event didnt happen because he is also, a literal child? Nah he is bullshit. Jonathan decided not to fly down from California, despite literally being poor and having siblings to look after whilst pulling away from a ldr? Nothing she did there was wrong obvs.

9) the way she treats her partners is so horrible. Lets recap. S1- is dating Steve. Okay, so she lies to him about what she is doing with someone who TOOK PICTURES of HIS house without consent. Does not include him, her boyfriend, in her thoughts, and leaves him with the impression she is cheating on him. S2- still dating Steve. Lied to him for a whole year about her thoughts on their relationship. Gets drunk and calls him and their relationship bullshit while implying he is a murderer for something that is not his fault. Acts like it is not her fault when confronting him the next day. Proceeds to fuck off with Jonathan and have sex with him before even ending the relationship properly, and that is after insisting that there will never be anything between the two of you. S3 she just absolutely does not listen to a word Jonathan says and does what she wants whilst expecting him to drop everything for her and follow her around. S4 she puts the blame of their failing relationship on Jonathan and flirts with Steve.

10) she is really entitled. She is like the definition of a spoiled. She is handed things that she wants on a silver platter and is applauded when she gets it? Like she comes from what looks to be a upper lower/ middle class family in a nice meighbourhood with two parents, wanting for nothing, and does not seem to understand when people do not have the same constraints as her. Like she is okay to drop her job at the change of a hat but others actually need the money to survive? It is canon that Jonathan worked A LOT to help pay bills, and babysat Will, and she just, did not understand.

11) she gets applauded for doing the bare minimum. She showed up to help Eddie purely for the inside scoop and because she would look bad otherwise, and is HCed to be his new bestie? She tells Jason to fuck off? Shoots Vecna AFTER it has been set on fire? Like Hopper BEHEADS a whole ass demogorgon after being tortured and starved in Russia, but gets so little recognition.

12) literally risks getting her friends and family locked up/killed by the US government, for her guilt over killing Barb, and the want of a good story to publish. Like they were willing to shoot a shit ton of people for a child abusing lab who had no ides there was a child abusing lab *cough cough Benny*, and shoot a bunch of 11 year olds. They would have had no qualms about getting rid of them all!

13) literally abandons Mike, her BROTHER to go with her fresh BF at the end of s2! She was definitely not needed there, in fact she would have been more useful at the house with Steve and the kids, but nope.

14) Doesnt have a good relationship with her mother for what? Her caring? Like Karen Wheeler has her faults (Billy. Thats enough said) but noone can say she does not care about her kids. And Nancy just takes that for granted. This one is a personal slight, because a parent that offers up good advice, support and genuinely cares? That would be the life!

I am going to stop myself here, because I could probably go on for hours ranting. If you want to discuss any of this with me feel free to drop mw a message or something! No hate though please! I respect everyones opinions and will gladly take part in RESPECTFUL debate about any of this!

#stranger things #stranger things 4 spoilers #nancy wheeler #anti nancy wheeler #anti nancy #anti stancy #anti jancy #anti ronance

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peacht44 · 1 year

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literally screaming for him to wake up and see me and appreciate me for everything I’ve done for us since coming back home to him after the break(up) because he is losing me, I’m getting tired of fighting. And still he is apathetic at best.

Currently in financial ruin for this “man” ama.

Idc if this isn’t want tumblr is for- I literally have lost my entire family due to my decision to come home and try to make it work with him again after what he did to me, they don’t respect me and are keeping their distance. So I have no family of my own blood (just my little fam who adopted me as their own for giving their dad another chance) and exactly 1 friend who lives on the other side of the country. I have no one and nothing currently (other than a sick ass LDR stash necklace dupe on the way 🙌🏻) so forgive my old ass for being a MySpace kid who hated fb and went offline during the tumblr era, I’m just gonna rant here when I need because NOBODY knows me here.

It’s been 8 years since I attempted last, but each and every day lead me further down that path again and my depression sinks deeper and deeper and gets darker and more unholy by the day 😪 I’m too sunny and too bubbly to feel this way god I hate feeling this way. It would be so easy too and then 🤫 all quiet, no more pain physical or metaphysical or even emotional god that would be a dream. I can’t even buy my dad a Father’s Day or birthday gift (both back to back this month) because I threw my whole paycheck on the house we share that he’s refused to pay for (or even work for like physically Have a job for) in almost 2 years.

Where tf did my self respect go?? Why can’t I be the baddie I try to uplift other women to be when they’re down? Why am such a pushover who let’s him get away with murder??

My whole life is falling apart and all I can think is that no one is coming to save me this time. All I have is me and my own back, and even I hate me. I wish so badly I could be someone else, literally ANYONE else, and so I wish even harder for the silence. That eerie quiet to be only pierced by occasional muffled wails that I let out behind my hand clamped over my mouth through gritted teeth with the vent turned as high as it can go where no one can hear me slowly lose every single part of me that made me human, or even just me.

Maybe a nice grippy sock vacation WOULD be just the ticket to getting my mental back on track. At least it would be quieter there, in my head and in my bubble. For now my only comfort are racing nightmare anxious thoughts that play on a loop every minute or every hour of every day, I can’t seem to quieter them or stop a panic attack anymore. I don’t even know how to breathe on my own any more. I am 36 and no better off than living on my own for the first time at 16 again, and all I want to do is d*e, sometimes. Or kill the pathological people pleaser I give all of my energy to being. It’s time to go scorched earth on this Mf but it still won’t make him see me, or love me; or appreciate me for being a GD DISABLED WOMAN HE HAS LET FINANCIALLY SUPPORT HIM FOR 2 YEARS NOW. It’s gaslight gate-keep and hypocrisy 24/7 on my life so maybe it’s time to girlboss my way tf out of it and ghost every living soul I know, pack up my fur babies and flee this hell hole I’ve let my life become again. This Mf couldn’t even bother TO DO A THING for my birthday this year but cry about how he couldn’t afford a gift for me. Not try to earn some cash to even go on a date, just whine about not having the funds and then having the audacity to pass out on me early and let me agonize over every single thing I’ve fucked up in my life lately by diving deep down a cold lane with him again.

Nothing feels real anymore. I don’t even feel like a person. I’m so numb yet so soft and emotional and unstably sad all of the time but all I do is avoid it. Sitting in this pain might kill me, I can’t risk that.

#iawtds

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nxdxxh3 · 1 year

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Hello.

I have not posted or reblog or whatever these things are called nowadays. Anyways, I bet no one reads this cus i just wanna give a life update to myself lmao.

I stopped visiting tumblr probably more than 5 years ago?? So around 2018 probably. Oh wow. Okay imma make a timeline then.

2018: I was with my ex boyfriend. Lets just call him A. Things started great then went downhill and i ignored all the red flags yadda yadda yadda typical young girl thats so positive im gonna end up with this guy. Well no. If i could turn back time, i would slap myself in the face and tell her to run. I actually cant remember much back then as im trying to forget everything 2020 and below. But what i did remember is how manipulative he is and a liar. But, i was in "love". I started my diploma this year and graduated already in 2019. We'll get to that year in a second. Anyways, he practically talked me into being with him rather than this really great dude i was dating before him and mind you he had a gf. In my defense, i didnt know as i said earlier, hes manipulative and a liar. The dude before him is from singapore and i was young and thought LDR wont work on me(boy i was wrong.) I needed the physical attention cus well, i was young.. But im glad i did met him physically cus we planned to meet in Johor and it was sweet. okay that got sidetracked but 2018 is like the 2nd year i was with A. During this year, it really went downhill. I started to fall into deep depression and my mental health was bad bad. Thats when i felt i wanted to unalive myself and hurt myself. and i did. the latter i mean. anyways he started working somewhere and i actually was sus about this bitch working there as well. Lets call her S for slut.

2019: Fast forward to 2019. This is the year i got a cyst on my left ovary. Due to reasons i rather not say but i will answer if by any chance someone read this and are curious so go ahead inbox me i guess. But definitely A was contributing to it. Whether directly or indirectly. So yeah, during that time it was bad. I lost my left ovary and i only have 1 now. How i found out you ask? (no one asked but) I had really unbearable pain on my abdominal area. The uterus area like non stop. I thought its the period cramps but i wasnt on my period that time at all. I found out a bit late so the cyst grew until 12cm and i saw it after the removal. Its the size of a baby's head! im not even exaggerating. Its really big. Anyways after the surgery, my family has been there for me. They're really the main reason why im still alive and well mentally and physically. That was in July. and i cant remember anything before that. so lets move on. Towards the end of the year, i found out that A was cheating on me. Not 1, but with 2 different girls. 1 is S and 1 is F. These random ass letters will get me confused but nvm. F is the ex gf. and the funny thing is, F was friends, best friends with S. LMAO. When i found out, the first thing i did was exposing him on my instagram sksk. I cant do anything and im not gonna stay quiet about it. so i just did that. and a lot of people came forward exposing more about him and S. So hes really active with S. Hes been going out, fucking her and F behind my back. and they both dont know about each other's situation btw until F saw my insta story and contacted me to meet up. and we did and i told her everything. all this time A was badmouthing me to his side pieces saying how much of a psycho i am, how i always beg him to stay (fuck no ew i always ask for break ups but he always have a way for words and actions). Like i said, hes manipulative and a liar. the fact he had the audacity to ask me to not stay mad for long as if im still gonna be part of this shitty hole. fuck no. i did confront S at that time and bro i really felt like i wanted to slap her face and drag her across the road but hey hes not that fucking worth it for me to do that. I complete left the whole fiasco and stayed friends with F lmao. shes cool. but sometimes dumb bcs she still stayed with him after everything. although that time A already went public with S he can still manipulated F somehow. A ended up marrying S tho. and side note, i gave A a fossil watch and it was fucking expensive. and he told F he bought it himself lmao. fucker. oh and he often take advantage on me asking me to pay for shit. he did pay sometimes but restaurants that are expensive, i paid. he paid for mamak, hawker stalls and what not lmao. So that ended. And i ended up celebrating new years alone and i fucking glad i did.

2020 -2021 July: So uuh covid came. And i met this dude on May 2020. How? me and my discord friends that i met during covid were planning to meet up and hes one of them who tags along. He just broke up with his ex gf 2-3 days ago that time. How he approached me, he kissed me creepily and suddenly while me and him was alone in a house i rented before covid during my degree. Now that i think back, it was creepy. He said "what if i attacked you right now". LIKE WTF? WHO SAYS THAT. Then he suddenly kissed me. i did not know how to de-escalated the situation. so i just let it slide. we just met for 2 hours btw. and he keeps on asking for a kiss afterwards too. on the way back from the outing, i have to send him back and he did not have a license btw. All the way back, he keeps on asking wanting to kiss me again (of course i said no) and hold my hand (this one i was ok with it although i was so uncomfortable). It was so creepy dude. I dont know if those things counts as assault or not cus i kinda just went along with it but i was uncomfy. Anyways, hes unhygienic, kinda narcissistic also have anger issues. Everytime we played games together, i cant enjoy shit bcs he keeps on tilting and screaming at randoms. (sometimes he tilts on me) I also have to pick him up and send him back after all of our dates. it was a mess. I learned the hard way after agreeing to date him. but during my relationship with him, im the fucked up one. i owned up to my mistakes and im not gonna leave this part out from this timeline. i cheated on him with some random dude. and i wont justify my actions. cheating is still cheating. he did gave me a second chance and i swear to god i did try my best to be better. i don't blame him for acting more suspicious of me and blaming me for everything. but it gets worse and i got tired. i honestly thought i should've just left instead of asking for a second chance. i realized the reason why i asked for a second chance is just to make up for it. bcs i felt bad. and that's not something i should've done. i should've just left and let him healed. trust me that came up a lot of times but seems like he doesn't want us to end either. so the unhappy and most depressing phase of our relationship got dragged until august 2021.

2021 August: I finally had the courage to end things with him for good. Bcs we both tried to move on from the incident but hes not doing well on his end. He still accused me of things that i didn't do. Question everything i did and yes i got tired. again i don't blame him but Its getting unhealthy and toxic for both of us. He keeps on saying he trusts me and i have become better but still act like we're back to square one. I called quits and he doesn't want to in the beginning. But then i had to lie telling him i have another person in my life. and that was his last straw. He screamed and yelled at me and just ended there like that. I felt bad but i cant stay again bcs i felt bad. Its not right.

2021 September - Present: These timelines are getting me confused ngl cus i really cant remember the exact time. anyways before i broke up with my previous bf, i was in another different circle of friends. I spent most of my time there while trying to escape him. i thought maybe if i distant myself its a lot more easier for me to leave and him to forget me. but yea during that time we actually fought a lot bcs of that. so after the break up i spent all of my time there. and i met this random singaporean dude. we spent all night talking and exchanging songs that we like and watching sitcoms. i remember our first show was The Good Place. Our discord server name is The Good Place where we hang a lot. (ldr things) and yes he knows about my past from A to Z. Basically everything i have wrote so far. We played valorant a lot tgt. I know i know, very short amount of time meeting someone new. but bro he hits different. its definitely the rush, the chasing, the butterflies. i haven't felt like that for a while and well, its bcs of my own fault too. i admit everything happens so fast like very fast. so we start really getting to know each other after dating which is weird and can lead to an easy break up especially we're doing long distance. but im not losing this dude. so i said, fuck it. he did say that he scared long distance would be hard but hes willing to try. i did it before and i want to be better. especially for a guy like him. 2 years has passed and today, 13th April 2023, we're still together and getting engage hopefully end of this year. Life has been great since i met him. Everything is different. he accepts me for who i am, we finish each other's dark humors/jokes. We facetime everyday and never get tired of seeing each other. He met my family and i met his. Although we ldr, we make it work. There's ups and down of course and mostly bcs of me lmao cus i self sabotage a lot liddat. but im working on it. and also, i suck at communicating. mostly bcs i usually keep things to myself during my past relationships. but that's what im working on right now and i hope im doing well. besides that, i am finally content and happy. Not a day goes by i never thought of him. I truly love him and i cant wait for what the future holds for us.

Thanks for reading guys. (im probably talking alone rn)

#life #mental health #relationship

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theunsuspectedmundane · 3 months

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Thoughts #17 Girl Best Friend

I have been MIA here lately [not like anyone's checking]. However, a lot has happened in the past few months... years, rather. Damn, it's really been about two years since my last rant.

~~Well, here I am again. You know I'm only here when I'm not okay or if my life is at its lowest of lows. And I am currently at it again. I thought I was finally getting better. But no, life is fucking me again in the ass and asking if I like it. Geez, when am I really gonna be genuinely happy?

So let me start this off by saying, I finally found a man who has been treating me really well, beyond well but really great. I can't find the words to describe how amazing he has been to me. We were bestfriends since 2013, and who would've thought we'd end up together after 10 years. But unfortunately (yeah there's something in this for me to be here).... he has a girl bestfriend.

A girl (who is married at a young age), that he has been bestfriends with, long before we were even became close 10 years ago. They were so close that she has been part of his family while he was single for the past five years. She calls his mom "mama", knows what's going on in his family, she helps him with his vices like buying cigarettes and alcohol for him, knew his embarrassing moments, has been introducing him to girls she thought he'd like (I'm not one of those because he's the one who rekindled our friendship without her having any idea), sleeps in his room, he gave her a fuck buddy while her relationship with her husband was on the rocks, he became her daughter's second dad; basically if I didn't know them I'd think they were actually husband and wife.

My boyfriend works abroad, he went home last year and that's when we became official after nine months or LDR. I was head over heels, damn fucking happy, I was on cloud 9. But soon cut short when I noticed how she was around me when we met again with him. We used to be friends back in 2013 but not really that close cuz we're only friends when I'm with him.

It all started when she went to my bf's bar, crying because she said she and her husband are officially over. We comforted her, bought her cigarettes and just listened, I wanted nothing more than to go home and just sleep because I was tired from work but I really felt sorry for her. Her first red flag was when she asked me after crying why I knew he was going home first, before her, who is HIS BESTFRIEND. I laughed dryly thinking she was just kidding but when I looked at her, it felt like backhanded comment.

Second encounter; they both picked me up from work. She was at his place first and was planning on drinking because she was heartbroken. When I met up with them in his car, she congratulated us, and I can feel she was genuinely happy seeing us; however, what took me by surprise was her telling me not to get jealous of them cuz apparently my boyfriend is overly clingy to her. Like seriously? Do you really need to tell me that? I just fake laughed and made an "okay" response. At this point my boyfriend changed the topic and I was quiet the whole ride back to his place. I thought that was the only thing she'd say but no... bare with me, this is gonna be long and full of her toxicity.

When we got back at his place, I have no fucking idea what's going on. Although my boyfriend told me that they'd be drinking, but I didn't know who "they" were at that time. So when we got there, we waited for their two other friends to show up. As we were waiting, they were talking, me in the middle of them. She was opening topics that I have no fucking idea what it was. She was talking about his family issues, like really, infront of me. What threw me off was when she said "what is she even doing here?" referring to my bf's sister in law. We were at his parent's house. She then realized what she said, and asked him if I knew, in which addressed me like I wasn't even there. My bf got angry obviously but just let it go, but I was really uncomfortable during that time.

A few min, the people they were expecting arrived so my bf brought out an alcohol he had for them to drink. They asked me if I'd drink, though I would. I was overwhelmed, I knew I'd get drunk quickly if I would but my ego was pushing me to just go with it and took a shot of what they're having. I stopped and asked to go home when I felt I was such an outsider in their circle. Excluding me in their conversations and basically talking like I wasn't even there. My bf was constantly asking me if I was okay, in which I kept saying yeah. But now, I was not. I can't even stand to be there anymore.

He drove me home, and told me what his girl bestfriend meant earlier, I was just quiet. He knew something was wrong. I was not feeling it the whole night as he continued to send me messages updating what was going on. Apparently, she got drunk. Insisted to drive home, so he convoyed her to make sure she gets home. His family insisted for her to sleep at their house, I don't see anything wrong with it. What is wrong was her drinking beyond her capacity and making a scene. After finding that out, I realized I can't make myself like her. I will never like her being involved in our relationship cuz for sure she's gonna do it again, and he's gonna be there to be with her. I was not wrong.

Third encounter; me and my bf were quietly celebrating our first month together. It was so simple yet perfect just what I like, it was just me and him watching a movie and I was about to fall asleep when she kept on chatting him to bring some of the vape he is selling to her. My house is a few miles away from where she is. My bf insisted she pick it up at his vape shop but no. She just have to ruin the day. So we went out and drove to her. I didn't leave the car, I let him go to her. While I was at the car, I was overthinking and was about to snap but I kept my cool. I promised myself I will never allow her to do that to him and us again.

I told him what I felt a few days after. we talked it out, he realized what he did and that their friendship should have limits now cuz he's taken now. But his girl bestfriend doesn't seem to understand this because she would still have attempted multiple times to ask him for a few favors, like driver her to places, bring her for something. My boyfriend shuts her off with a few excuses and she would stop.

However, he did admit to me how he used to like her and stopped because he realized she's not the type of woman he really wants to be with based on her life decisions and how she treats men. But what hurts me the most is finding out how he confessed to her that if he didn't pursue me, he'd go for her and shoot his shot in which she didn't dismiss.

I'll cut this short because this is now a resolved issue between me and my boyfriend. I cut her off, unfriended and unfollowed her in all social media platforms. He is still friends with her on facebook but is not holding conversations with her anymore, unless it's for business purposes. But I sometimes wish she'd finally disappear from our lives.

#thoughts

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spaghettiramblings · 7 months

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Avoidant Attachment vs Lesbian

For about 2.5 years I thought I was a lesbian. A whole turn of events occurred as well as lots of thinking. Here is the saga that lead up to it, during it, and after.

Age 4 (yes 4) until 14: I enjoyed flirting with boys and holding hands and whatever. I had my first bf in high school. It was quite disgusting and he tried to make me do things I didn't want to do, but I got out physically unscathed. Mentally, damage was done.

Age 17: I went to college and forced one of the four guys in my class to like me. We went to hang out in his dorm to watch a show, and I saw he had something uh... going on. I immediately had a visceral reaction, I became very hot and almost passed out/threw up. I went home and was crying, but forced myself to attend work.

At this point I began a whole process of questioning what the hell was wrong with me. Halfway through freshman year of college, Covid happened and I did remote class for about 1.5 years. This led to a period of obsessive questioning, consumption of the MasterDoc, reading on Reddit and Twitter, and etc. I was confused because although I pursued male attention, my distaste when they wanted me back was strong. I felt like a psycho. I decided that I must not like men because why was I feeling these feelings of disgust toward them? I then spent the next two years wearing the baggiest clothes, pinning my hair back, trying to change my mannerisms, etc. I always enjoyed being masculine, but I think I was so deeply insecure in a man wanting me that I wanted to push them away. I had two failed dates with women and wondered if I would ever be attracted to any in person person ever again.

I was with friends when I went to a neighborhood restaurant. My neighbor happened to be our waiter. I became so flustered and my friends teased me about liking him. I said I didn't like him, and I felt stupid because I knew they were thinking I must not be fully gay. Many times they made shitty comments to me about being gay. Then we went to an army base to visit someone, and I had "love at first sight" with a guy there. This led to a month long LDR situationship that became sexual very quickly, and it destroyed me when I finally had to block him for obvious reasons. At that point, I knew I was at least bisexual. It was like someone pulled the hood from over my eyes. I began to revert back to being somewhat feminine. I felt more confident and accepted more attention from men.

Last year I began social work school. In my human behavior class, there was a lesson on attachment. I read about avoidant attachment and I realized my life's trajectory and reactions to men were because of that, not because of me being gay. Pulling away from men I originally desired attention from is because of insecurity, wanting to hurt someone before they hurt me, and control issues. This was mindblowing to me. I cried for a couple of nights, which I never really do. The past few months have been a journey to understand why I am the way I am. I feel bad for misrepresenting myself, especially with such terrible stereotypes about gay women "always liking men," but I'm glad I am beginning to know more about myself. I was damaging myself more than helping by catering to my own delusions.

But yeah, that's The Saga lmao.

#avoidant attachment

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unknownhopeless · 1 year

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Am i easily attached to someone? Haven’t wrote here for quite a time, maybe this can be my diary since non of my friends uses tumblr anymore.

Met this girl, who was unexpectedly became close with me. At this point in my life, I’ve never been in a relationship. Why unexpectedly? Because i would’ve never thought i would go beyond a second date with a girl, let alone five. Been in a surrounding where deep inside i want to meet and get to know a woman but as fate has written, went to an all-boys school and then proceed to continue my study in engineering, so yeah not a lot of girls, too little of them.

As I’ve mentioned, never been in a relationship before. To be clear, this exact girl, is not the first person I’ve been on a date. So the girls before her were my failed attempts or might be just me to improve myself as a man, or it might be just a matter of not meeting the right person. Oh btw, knew her from tinder. Yeah it sounds cliche or cheesy or might sounds like I’m not looking for something serious or a relationship, but as i said, not many female friends. And also time. What else can i use to get to know new female friends? Or, as deep inside me has been longing for, wanting to have a significant other?

The thing is, she’s very different from me. Even on how we dress up is very unalike. But tbh, i do really like on how she dress up. It’s unique. It’s just her being herself. She’s mentioned that she’s an introvert. But somehow i felt that she’s very comfortable with me despite just knew each other for a short time. Even her physical language makes me feel alive, to be honest. Maybe because I’ve never felt that way, but it is what it is. It’s not like i felt concerned because how different we are, but i like that she’s not the same as me. She’s an introvert, but not with me tho. Hope that is a good thing.

Still, as of now, i still haven’t confess to her, and either is she. I don’t know what are her feelings for me, but i do caught feelings for her. She’s been great so far, but as my bad luck with woman, the luck just keep continue with her. Just a week after knowing her, she had to go back to her hometown and suddenly there’s this large distance, physically between us. Shit, ldr sucks. Kudos to those partners who can endure long distance. This might sound stupid as someone from me but i do miss her, haha.

I hide my profile on tinder after i met her, kinda daydream that she might be the one, hahaha. Still, as of now, didn’t delete my profile yet but also didn’t use it. On our third date if I’m not mistaken, she did ask me if I’m still using tinder. I said no. And she also said that she’s not using it either. That might be a sign, or a hint she’s giving me (?). I do think that she’s giving me a lot of hint, but the thing is I’m afraid that I’m going to misinterpret the hint and it might not be what I’m thinking of. Kinda afraid that she might be just like Summer who gives all kinds of sign but actually just want to be friends. But that might be just me, a bit traumatized tho.

Am i easily attached to someone? I just hope that she feels the same way as me, meeting the (hopefully) the right person. One month from now will be meeting with her again, hopefully to get to know her much better. And for me to be more brave to tell her what i feel.

P.S. i think i use the word “hope” and “hopefully” too much, might be hoping she’s the hope I’m hoping for. Might write something about her as i get to know her better. That’s for sure.

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shelbydelrey · 2 years

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Can you do a WHICH LDR SONG MATCHES EACH PEAKY BOY???💖

Hello lovely anon, i'm sorry that it took a bit long, but also thank you so much for the request and I hope i have done justice!

Lana Del Rey songs that matches each Peaky Boy

Please reblog and share with me your thoughts and the songs you think fist each Peaky boy!

Warnings: I've limited myself to the Born To Die, Ultraviolence, Honeymoon and Lust For Life albums. English is no my first language.

Born To Die

I feel like Tommy has a very special relantionship with mortality due to his PTSD, the events that he experienced and his notion of extra time makes his ambition a way to "cope".

"Lost but now I am found I can see but once I was blind

But nothing is ever enough for him. Most of his intimate relantionships with women are (at least in my perspective) a distraction and that is why is hard for him to connect. With Grace in specific i feel like these lyrics are very fitting:

"Sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, I don't know why" On their wedding day she pled him to leave the ilegal business behind but he is not capable of doing that.

I just think that the overall vibe of the song fits him very well.

Million Dollar Man

"I don't know how you convince them and get them, babe I don't know what you do It's unbelievable And I don't know how you get over, get over Someone as dangerous, tainted and flawed as you"

Lana wrote this song for Tommy i swear to God. Sometime i also do not understand his persuasion powers (i guess it's because as the viewer we have a totally different approach to the situation).

"You're screwed up and brilliant Look like a million dollar man So why is my heart broke?"

Being in love with him it's tough (look at his track record ffs). It's like orbirting a planet never being able to properly touch it or even merge with him.

"You got the world, but, baby, at what price?"

This line for me it is what resembles him the most. He loses at lot in order to gain and mantain power but at the end will it be worth it?

"You're hard to reach"

Just reinforcing what i already said about him being emotionally distant. "There's only 24 hours in a day And half of those, you lay awake With thoughts of murder and carnage"

I don't these lines need explainig they speak for themselves.

Bonus:

Money Power Glory + Black Beauty

I don't think that either song has a specific line that describes him but their overall vibe it's just Tommy.

Carmen

Hear me out: i know this is a song about a 17 girl who has not been living the best life but some of the quotes are just sooo fitting:

"you don't want to be like me Don't wanna see all the things I've seen" I'm dying, I'm dying She says, you don't want to get this way Famous, and dumb, at an early age"

We all have seen the hell that it is Athur Shelby's mind. Violence is his way to cope but (obviously) causes even more damage to him and to the people around him. He's trapped in this cycle and doesn't know how to get out and doesn't wish that for anybody else.

Shades of Cool

"He prays for love, he prays for peace, and maybe someone new"

This is him in S3, hoping that God and Linda will be able to pull him out of the darkness.

"But I can't fix him, can't make him better And I can't do nothing about his strange weather"

The bitter truth Linda learns and further breaks him apart.

High by The Beach

"Now you're just another one of my problems Because you got out of hand We won't survive We're sinkin' into the sand"

Once again expliciting the destructive nature of him and how Linda grows to be resentful towards him.

(But he probably just wants to get high by the beach)

Now, it was difficult to pick songs for John because even tho he can be ruthless as his brothers (and a cheater) he has this naivety over him that i don't see in Lana's songs. So i hope my choices don't come off as forced.

Art Deco

"You're not mean, you just want to be seen Want to be wild"

This captures the naivety i mentioned. John is not a bad person. Yes, he does benefit from and engages in the violence but it's more like sport than desire to him. It's something that he does because he just used to it (it goes over his head obviously, hence the whole situation with the italians). But if he decided to travel with Esme and the kids, i feel like he would be happy regardless.

White Mustang

"Summer's meant for lovin' and leavin' I was such a fool for believin' that you Could change all the ways you've been livin' But you just couldn't stop"

Maybe this quote is more Esme than John but you can interpret as her singin (or just the overall feeling) to him. The you is not necessarily John but the whole family (especially Tommy) putting the ambition over safety.

Soooo... i don't like Michael (pls don't kill me). It's not because of the whole betrayal thing or anything, i just can't read him as a character and that makes hard to relate to him. So picking up songs was quite difficult.

Freak

This song choice is maybe a bit of a stretch (since i want to input a meaning into it) but there is a urgency about fleeing and becoming something else (that's how all his character introduction took place):

"Baby if you wanna leave Come to California, be a freak like me, too"

And this specific verse is something that Pol would say in S2 (i know is meant to be in a romantic way, but i already took this song out of context so why not a little bit more?):

"Screw your anonymity Loving me is all you need to feel"

Art Deco

The song is featuring a second time i know but who cares?

"You're so Art Deco, out on the floor Shining like gun metal, cold and unsure"

Not growing up in poverty and violence and suddenly being part of this world, makes him a little bit insecure about himself and his choices. And also at the same time he is amazed by the promised glamour (at least i like to think that' how he felt between S2 and S3)

"When they all say hello You try to ignore them 'Cause you want more(why?) You want more (why?)"

He is not a warm person and as Tommy his ambition may make him a little cocky.

#peaky blinders #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #michael gray #peaky blinders imagine #lana del rey #born 2 die #born to die #ultraviolence #honeymoon #lust for life

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paula-of-christ · 2 years

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Hello! I've been reading your posts about being a monastic aspirant, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to share a bit about your discernment with me? I've had the nagging thought that I should be a sister since childhood, but it recently hit me full-force about a month ago! Any advice would be appreciated! God bless you <3

So. This has sat for so long in my ask box that I uh, am actually not an aspirant anymore. So, I will give you my best based on the books I've read when I was discerning and why I chose to leave. This is.. this is going to be long and I'm sorry.

So I suppose I will start from the beginning, like the very beginning. I felt drawn to religious life first when I was young, and I would say that I wanted to be like Mother Mary. Though I have no recollection of this my mother likes to recount the memory for me. I first felt a real pull though at my first youth conference in 2014 or 15 when I met the Salesian Sisters of St, John Bosco. Back then I had already wanted to be a teacher and I play the cello so it seemed like a perfect fit. Unfortunately I grew out of wanting to be a teacher while watching my peers be... well teenagers.

I fell in love with St. Paul during my conversion and found out about the Daughters of St. Paul through vocation.net or whatever the website is where you can take that vocation quiz for different orders. I reached out to them to visit at a come and see at their Mother House on the east coast but was denied at the time because I had only recently recovered from depression and was still on antidepressants. I shortly moved off of it and after that rejection as well as a rejection from even speaking with anyone at other convents because of my (improving) mental health, my spiritual life became tumultuous. I still don't pray the same way that I did back then, reading scripture every night and a rosary and other prayers. But I am happier with myself now, and so I am grateful.

I was in and out of relationships when I visited the Daughters of St. Paul after I became an adult, thinking for sure that I wanted to join, I hadn't truly stopped thinking about them for that entire time. But after I got there I realized how much I wanted a stronger monastic tradition. My favorite part of that trip was praying with other people and the Breviary. At the time I also wasn't very big on Marian theology, it felt odd to pray to her so often, and I felt slighted a bit because I thought that she wasn't looking out for me anymore.

Again after that I was in and out of relationships, mostly lasting around 5-6 months. But after one ended I started looking into a semi-cloistered convent, with a monastic tradition I was already familiar with having grown up in a parish run by Augustinians; the Sisters of St. Norbert. They also were teachers, but prayed every hour of the breviary together, and also did parish work and community outreach. They have a wide net of influence in their own neighborhoods. I decided to go back to school, since that convent required a degree, when I on a whim went on Catholic Match just to see what it was like. I met someone I definitely thought I could marry and the convent stayed in the back of my mind.

When he broke up with me, I realized just how much I had let my faith slip. I wasn't putting the necessary effort in because the LDR took up most of my time. It takes way more time texting someone to bond with them than it does in person. The last few months of the relationship I had gotten a strong feeling of wanting to look into the convent again though, and grow closer to God. Some of the things that influenced me in my spirituality the most were "Epic Food Fight" by Fr. Leo Patalinghug and the Augustinian novices that I became friends with and baked for in high school. It has always been incredibly important to me to support priests in any way that I'm capable of. So, I was on tumblr and found a picture of a convent that was cloistered and their entire thing was praying for priests. I would be able to live a life away from the temptations of the world and do what I loved most, spending time with Christ in the Blessed Sacrament for His Priests. I waited to visit them, since it was shortly after being broken up with that I found them. It was wonderful. It felt like home. I was nervous only for a little bit. There was a rainbow outside the door after dinner when I arrived, a sign of God's covenant.

I became an aspirant at the end of the retreat. But when I came back my family was less than pleased. I have five older siblings, and they were worried for me. My mother, while she supports any decision I make, was full of so much sorrow at losing her youngest daughter to a cloister that is both difficult to get to and far from where she lives. Most people who have a real vocation will be able to go through this. However, my families concerns and further discernment on my part made me realize there are many things that at least for now I cannot live without. My family for one and something as simple -- perhaps silly -- as my dogs. I realized that I want to travel, see parts of the world that I can. That I enjoy the freedom that I have to volunteer and do things at my parish at my leisure.

None of these things were originally going to deter me on their own, but then I ended up falling in love, against my better judgement and without wanting to. An acquaintance of mine that I saw every week for -- yes as nerdy as it sounds -- D&D started to reach out to become better friends. Him being a respectful and kind person to everyone at the table, I assumed was being kind. And I resigned myself to quietly crush on him while attempting to discern religious life. The meanwhile my family asking questions, people on tumblr asking questions, and my affections for him growing stronger. What I didn't know was that he was going through much the same. Resigning himself to quietly love me from afar and should I have chosen to leave the convent during any of the formation steps, he would be there to welcome me back. As a friend or more, it didn't matter to him.

I knew he was the one when I realized that every time he looks at me it feels like time has completely stopped and every moment like that lasts in my memory as infinity. When despite not being raised in any kind of religion, has morals and opinions completely in line with Catholic teaching. That his first time going to Catholic Mass he fell in love and wants to go every week, despite not knowing when to kneel or stand or what to say. The moment he unpromptedly got me one of my favorite flowers and chocolates because I was having a mildly stressful day. All only because of his love for me and not anything that I've done for him or could give him.

God wants to be close to us, and I think it's important to grow closer. Even though he -- who I will refer to as "Kevin" -- doesn't know much about Catholicism, he inspires me in my faith because his upstanding qualities make me want to be worthy of being with him. And I know for him it is the same. That I want to be closer to God because I know that will make me a better person to everyone but especially the person I love.

#personal #discernment journey #not queued

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adonis-koo · 3 years

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to the moon and back

Summary: Sometimes the distance in relationships really does make a strain and sometimes...it can really make quite the experience, at least in your experience with your boyfriend who only lives half way across the world...

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader, theres like,,,implied Taehyung/Reader if you really squint

Genre: angst, smut,

Word Count: 6.4k

Tags: long distance relationship that I accidentally projected way too much of my own personal experience into 😃, Jungkook just really loves MC, skype sex, I am sorry, mutual masturbation, a little praise kink, Jungkook says baby in korean a lot and once again I am sorry, sex toys, a lil overstim, nothing too crazy tbh, dirty talk, dom!jungkook and sub!MC 🤑

Note: I missed ldr!Jungkook and MC which is based off this sorta imagine I did for them! So I cured it by writing a lil bit about them!! :)

“Hey Jungkook…”

The said man in question suddenly perked up from where he had been looking down, half his hair tied up and he was rubbing his eyes, he looked tired these days and sometimes you couldn’t help but feel bad. Long distance relationships weren’t always what they were cracked up to be and it wasn’t like you were intentionally looking for a ball and chain at the time...

But well, it was a long night, you were slightly drunk and in a long dry spell so you thought, what the hell? When you signed up for a sub/dom dating website. Again, your intentions weren’t to actually date someone, you were just slightly drunk and horny, and waking up the morning after your phone had been blown up by your now boyfriend. It was innocent at first, you both had a good laugh (to somewhat of your embarrassment) about the whole drunk thing and you were just curious to get to know him.

It was from there you had learned he lived halfway across the planet in South Korea and not only this but when you began exchanging photos he was by far the most beautiful man you had ever seen. One thing led to another and eventually you both decided to make it official.

You were used to this of course, you had never actually met him in person and sometimes you felt a little apprehensive to do so, you knew it would hurt Jungkook severely if he ever found out but still...sometimes it felt like you just didn’t know him as much as you wanted too.

Time zones were a literal hell, by the time you woke up he was getting ready to sleep and most the time texts weren’t sent until the next day, video calls were rare and usually had to wait until the weekend. It sucked.

Jungkook, if anything, had been trying to convince you to at least fly out to see him, he even offered to pay for your ticket as he was- ahem- apparently in the chain of business for a really well known exports corporation and was a supervisor so he lived very well off in comparison to yourself, who was still in college and buried in debt with little to no money left outside of the expenses of living.

But again, you were just...nervous...flying by yourself, to a country you had never been too, to meet a man you had never met...You knew realistically everything would be fine, Jungkook was exactly who he said he was, he wasn’t some criminal that was going to murder you and sell your body parts on the black market but…! You just wanted to be safe! To be careful even if that would never happen.

“Hm?” Jungkook hummed, it was a late saturday night for him but he always stayed up just for you, just to be able to talk to you, to see your face, even if you went hours not talking to one another while he worked and you studied. He told you he just enjoyed looking over at his monitor and seeing you.

Currently you had been curled up on your pillow scrolling on your phone and occasionally admiring your boyfriend’s side profile and strands of hair long hair that fell from his face, “Why did you learn English?”

Jungkook raised his brow a little before suddenly laughing causing you to shift a little in embarrassment feeling as though you had said something dumb, “Well,” He rasped a little, he had been brushing up on his english ever since you started dating but he was also a little self conscious of his accent despite you saying several times over how much you adored it, “English is mandatory to learn in school but I learned extensively due to my family traveling a lot for business and work. I once spent a whole year in New York when my father was employed overseas, that was actually how I became so fluent, classes are fine but experience always teaches best in my opinion....” Jungkook’s lips curled into a smile as he hummed once more, “Which means your studies in Korean would be easier if you visited…”

Flustered you rolled onto your back as you pressed your pillow against your face, “Jungkook…!” You whined wiggling in your best as you heard his laugh filter through the speaker, “I need you know I really need to stay and study for my finals, it makes up for over forty percent of my grade!”

“Not even for winter break?” Jungkook let his lips jut into a pout as he laid his chin against his hand, “Jagi I have a bed that’s way too big to sleep in all by myself, are you gonna make me downgrade?” He sighed dramatically as he fell back in his computer chair pulling his hair tie out as his hair fell at his cheeks as he began to fix it.

You ignored the heat immediately flushing between your legs at the deep rasp of his voice, “My mom’s expecting me to come home to visit for the holidays Koo…” You frowned as you peeped out from behind your pillow to find the massive pout on your boyfriend's face as he sunk in his seat.

“Sometimes I think you’re just embarrassed to tell people we’re in a relationship,” Jungkook mumbled as he sat up in his seat, running his fingers through his hair as he sulked, obviously trying not to let your rejection make him upset but even through a screen you could always read his moods, sometimes too easily.

“That is not true!” Your voice was immediately serious as you sat up, fixing your laptop as you set it in front of you, Jungkook was once more slouched in his seat, his hand resting on his cheek as he looked away from the screen, “That is not true Jungkook, I-...” You sighed, “I can’t just drop all my responsibilities here to visit you, you know this, you know hard I’ve been studying for finals and how much my family has been wanting to see me…”

Jungkook didn’t reply for a moment but you could’ve sworn you heard something akin to a scoff escape his lips, “But you still haven’t told your family...have you?”

“I haven’t had the chance…” You were immediately trying to defend your reasoning when deep down you felt bad that well...he was right...to a degree, but what were you supposed to tell you family? You met your boyfriend on an offshoot website based around sexual play and not only this but he lived half way around the world.

“You talk to your mom on the phone weekly Y/n,” The longer Jungkook looked away from the screen the more upset he was getting and you could tell and yet you felt so helpless, it wasn’t like you could just reach over and grab his face, or simply hug him and apologize. Once again, you found yourself at a loss of what to do or say.

It wasn’t that you wished you hadn’t met Jungkook, you’d never in your life change that night, but sometimes you wished things weren’t so complicated and that your fears wouldn’t get the best of you. And you did speak some truth, even if you weren’t nervous to meet Jungkook in person, it didn’t change the fact that you wouldn’t be able to go now with finals approaching and your family expecting you for the holidays.

“I’m just,” Jungkook inhaled sharply before letting out a sigh, “I just feel so frustrated sometimes, I want to be with you, not part time, half time, or only at night. I want to wake up with you in my arms every single day. And I can’t do that, hell I can’t even get a phone call during the week let alone a text at the same time of day if I’m lucky. We just had a work party where everyone brought their partners and I couldn’t bring mine because she lives in America.”

His upset was beginning to make you upset, it felt like your gut was being grinded and it wrenched in an unpleasant feeling as you spoke, “Look I’m sorry okay? I can’t help it that this is where I live, I understand you want to be with me, you don’t think I want the same thing?” You put your hand on your chest, trying to keep your voice level as you swallowed harshly, “But right now, I can’t help it Jungkook. The holidays just aren’t a good time right now…”

“Then what was the excuse during the end of the summer when you weren’t even in school and your parents didn’t want to see you?” Jungkook replied, his jaw clenched and hurt in his eyes as he questioned you, “Or was it still because you were sick in the middle of july?”

“I just met you!” You cried out now beginning to feel genuinely hurt at your boyfriend questioning the sincerity of your feelings, “I wasn’t going to fly out to Korea to meet someone I had only been talking to for three weeks! Jungkook this is-”

“I’m not embarrassed to be with you! God, that is literally the last thing on my mind right now! I’m embarrassed at the way we met, I’m embarrassed that I- I somehow have to explain to my family that my boyfriend lives in South Korea and that I’ve never met him and somehow explain to them that you aren’t some serial rapist or human trafficker out to sell my kidney! Because that’s exactly what I’m going to hear! And I’m sorry I just haven’t been ready to deal with that!” You couldn’t even stop the tears from flowing down your face as you pressed your hands to your eyes, “It’s easy for you to talk about us because you’re an adult who lives debt free by himself in his own apartment with your own secure job and you don’t have to answer or deal with anyone, even your own parents! That’s not how it is for me Jungkook.”

Your head was lowered as you tried to muffle your sobs that was the only thing that filled the loud silence that filtered the air, running your hands through your hair as you took a breath. You could hear a sigh on the other side before Jungkook spoke, “Y/n…”

“You know what,” You sniffled as you straightened up, “I’m not in the mood to talk anymore,”

“Y/n! No! Jagi listen-”

“No I’m done!” You argued back as you wiped your face with the sleeve of your hoody, “I don’t want to talk to you right now. Goodnight.” You clicked the end call button before closing down your laptop. Sitting now, staring at your distinct reflection on the black screen before bursting into a new set of tears.

Your phone’s ringtone was immediately set off as you sobbed, picking it up as you harshly punched the decline call button before it quickly popped back up on the screen only for you to press it even more vehemently. Your phone lit up several times being flooded with messages from Jungkook trying to convince you to talk to him but you immediately turned off your phone as you collapsed back against your bed, weeping against your pillow as you tried to ignore the pure hurt that filtered your veins despite it being justified.

God you shouldn’t have even said any of that to Jungkook! Really it was your fault you hadn’t seen him, you had made excuses all because you were just scared. He was probably going to break up with you now...Squeezing your pillow tight you closed your eyes as you muffled your sobs.

“Girl why are you staring at your phone?” Lisa sighed in exasperation, “Don’t tell me…Oh shit…” She sighed as she watched your eyes begin to pitfully water, “What was it this time?”

“I’m a horrible person be-because I can’t just fucking suck it up and tell my family about my boyfriend and- and I can’t just go visit him!” You were already wiping your eyes despite not even crying yet and you refused to ruin your mascara in a public store. The bookstore was quiet as ever and the barista who worked the cafe was still sorting magazines out on the rack not even paying attention to you both but still you had to keep up your ideals or else you’d be crying all the time.

“You are not a horrible person oh my god!” Lisa raised her brows before scoffing, she pointed a long acrylic nail at you as she spoke, “That boy needs to calm his hormones, you are strapped for the rest of the holidays. Y/n! Come on, seriously you need to draw some boundaries with him! Just be honest and it’s going to save you both a lot of trouble.”

You sunk in your seat as your lips began to tremble making Lisa sigh, “How many messages did he send this time?”

“Twenty four.” You mumbled.

“Jesus Christ.” Lisa groaned as she pressed her hand against her forehead, her bangs which had been melded together with hairspray not even moving an inch, “What even started this fight!?”

Lisa was not only your closest friend but most times she was also your voice of reason which you knew was most times right but still you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed as you twirled your straw that poked through the lid of your iced coffee, “Well it was innocent at first, I just asked him why he learned English when he was younger and it translated into him saying experience taught him best which meant going to Korea would help me with my own language studies.”

“Why can’t you just be honest with him!? Seriously! Y/n!” She gave you her premium disappointed look as you whined, kicking your feet as you covered your hands over your face knowing she was right, but!

“That would literally crush him!” You replied feeling defeated as you slumped in your seat once more, sighing as sadness filled you, “It feels like…” You poked your tongue into your cheek as you exhaled in frustration, “No matter how hard I try, I just always end up hurting him. Jungkook would be so hurt if he knew my main reason for not wanting to see him.”

Lisa raised her brows as she scoffed, “No he would not! If he’s so desperate to jump on your pussy he’ll come to America and not only meet you but he’ll be meeting me as well the first time. This relationship is a two way street Y/n-”

“He has a whole team he’s managing Lisa, he’s told me he’d visit if he could schedule the time off but-”

“All I hear is an excuse,” Lisa clacked her tongue, “Fair is fair, you’re just being cautious as anyone should be when they’re talking to someone over the internet,” She curved a brow before snorting as she sipped her drink, “Now listen, do I think he’s a kidnapper that’s gonna kill you? No. Do I think he’s a fuckboy that just really wants to smash you? Maybe, it’s your relationship. Do what you want but regardless of whether your reasoning is legit he should respect it regardless.”

You deflated as you sighed, scrolling through his messages where he had profusely apologized several times and went on to explain that he just really wanted to be with you and never meant to dismiss your feelings on the matter. You hadn’t replied yet which made you feel even worse but truthfully, you just really wanted to talk to see him tonight on a video call and talk things over.

“Anyways, it’s time to boss up bitch,” Lisa pulled out the three textbooks from her bag before dropping them on the table as she offered a smile, “We got finals to prep for, we’re in the two week countdown so we need to cram as much as possible.”

Sighing you glanced down at your phone one last time before turning it off knowing the temptation to look over Jungkook’s messages would be too tempting. Putting your phone away you pulled out your notebook along with your own textbooks as you nodded, “You’re right, it’ll at least take my mind off of it…”

You could only hope.

You had spent the last ten minutes trying to gas yourself up, Jungkook had stopped texting around lunch time having obviously given up and giving you space as this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened and he knew if he just gave you time you’d eventually reach out to him.

Like right now, except you felt severely embarrassed for your actions this morning and you knew you could have handled things in a better and more mature way then you had, regardless you were struggling to even send a text at the moment let alone video call him...Checking the clock on your phone you sighed, it was already 1pm in Seoul....

Jungkook if anything was probably on his computer sulking while playing video games as he usually did on his weekends off when he wasn’t talking to you. Sucking in a breath you knew you needed to talk to him now because if you didn’t you’d have to go the whole week with stale texts that never went over well and you weren’t working with much to begin with, you didn’t want to make it worse. Sighing, you sat down on your bed as you began to type.

[10:25]

‘I’m sorry I haven’t replied to any of your messages :( can you video right now?’

You chewed on your lip anxiety immediately spiking in your head as you wondered if you came across too much like a victim...Or maybe you should’ve just not mentioned the not replying to his messages and just asked if-

You nearly jumped out of your skin at the sound of the skype call sounding with Jungkook’s name under it, grabbing your chest you collapsed onto the bed as you made yourself comfortable, shying away from the camera as you grabbed your pillow in insecurity before accepting the call.

“I really am sorry Jagi,” You couldn’t even open your mouth before Jungkook’s worried expression showed up on your laptop, the hoodie covering his head and just as you expected his puppy like eyes were glossed and filled with sadness, “I- I didn’t realize how much stress you were under and I shouldn’t have been so careless. This is the only time during the week that I get to see you and I really don’t want to argue…”

You curled up against your pillow as you mumbled, “I should be the one apologizing, I know how much it means to you for us to be able to see each other in person and I need to make the time for us to be able to do that it’s just…” You had meant to tell him the truth but- “I just have a lot going on right now but I didn’t mean to take that out on you, I know you just want us to be together...”

“Oh jagiya,” Jungkook sighed, longing filled his face and his fingers twitched a little as they ran through his hair as if wishing he could just hold you close to him, “It’s okay, I’m just glad you wanted to talk. I didn’t want the whole week to drag by without being able to talk to you, you know you always make my day better…”

And just like that your chest blossomed with warmth as you curled up, hiding the smile that began to creep on your lips as you squeezed your pillow, “Not as much as you make my day. Especially when you send those tease pictures for me right before I need to go to bed.” You would never get enough of that addictive feeling of talking to Jungkook, his smile was always infectious.

And just like that you watch, just like every other time, in amazement at the way Jungkook’s personality switches like a light, the innocent sweet smile that was once on his lips is suddenly twisted into a cocky smirk and he leans back his chair, his long hair is slightly messy but just enough to make him look truly wicked, “Oh? Is that right gongjunim? I thought you’d appreciate it?”

Said photo in question was sent thursday night when you were prepping for bed and Jungkook had very obviously just gotten out of the shower in the mirror selfie he had sent that displayed the chiseled abdomen and broad chest and not to mention the….ahem package he was sporting beneath the thin towel that he had purposely clutched with his free hand.

Yeah...that nearly destroyed your right hand.

“Well I did…” You immediately coiled up, no matter how many times this happens with your boyfriend- which is nearly every weekend, you always end up getting shy despite your thighs furiously pressing together and wetness building up in your panties, “Maybe a little too much…”

Jungkook pressed his tongue into his cheek as his smirk widened, just his stare made you press your face into the pillow as you heard his chuckle, “What? What did you do?”

The fact that he skipped to the golden question made you whine as you kicked your feet, you could hear another laugh from him as you curled up once more, “You know…” You mumbled, feeling your face burn as you pressed it against the pillow.

“No baby I don’t.” Jungkook pouted but his voice rasped and something about saying baby in english with that accent of his had your fingers twitching as he puffed a breath of air in cockiness as he hummed, “Why don’t you tell me hm?”

Shifting against the bed you shook your head, “You know what I’m talking about…”

“Do I?” Jungkook challenged as he raised a brow, his beginning to clench as he slipped into his dominant headspace, tucking his tongue into his cheek as he asked, “If you can’t use your words would you rather show me? Be a good girl and show me, yeah?”

Your words were muffled as you replied, “I had help…” Your face felt like it was practically on fire as you rubbed your legs together as you heard him laugh, “Then be a good girl and go get it jagiya, I’ll still be here.” You gave Jungkook a good laugh as you nearly scrambled out of bed to get your bullet vibrator off it’s charger before diving back on the bed making your laptop bounce as you sat up right.

Jungkook meanwhile had pulled off his sweatshirt and repositioned his camera to expose his lower body, the familiar sight of his plump cherry lips exposed in that forever tainted smirk as he made himself comfortable in his chair, his thighs spreading apart and the indent in his sweats showing off proudly, “Good girl kitty, now I want you to take off your clothes, all of it.”

You wiggled in your comfy sweatshirt feeling a little shy as you began to shed your clothes, “The bra too baby,” Jungkook coaxed as he licked his lips, his cock tightening and becoming harder at the sight of your flustered, shy expression as you unhooked your bra, there was nothing more this man wanted then to suckle on your nipples that immediately hardened against the chilled air of the room.

Jungkook’s hand found its way to his bulge as he palmed himself through his grey sweats, “Panties too baby, I know you’re shy but you need to be a good girl and take them off. And remember your words.” He added with a low growl.

“...Yes sir.” You mumbled, feeling chilly and exposed to nothing more then the camera on your laptop and Jungkook of course before you pulled off the panties you wore, arousal sticking to the fabric that stringed before you tossed them aside, your eyes unable to stay off his hand that kept stroking his bulge.

“Good girl,” His lips twitched into a sadistic smile, “Now spread your legs jagiya and show me what you did to that photo I sent you, every little detail baby.” You whined as you looked away from the camera, “Jagiya…” Jungkook’s voice deepened a little in warning, “Are you gonna make me get out the controller?”

Outwardly you’d completely deny that but inwardly....The idea nearly had you frothing out the mouth, but reluctantly you did as he asked, the chilled air nipping at your exposed warm wet folds had your levels of arousal that much higher and you could hear a soft verbal moan from Jungkook as he squeezed his hand over his cock, “Shibal,” He muttered a few other words in korean that you could only half make out before he spoke once more, “You’re so fucking wet baby. Play with yourself, don’t make me wait.”

Tenderly you slipped your hand between your thighs, flinching a little at the cold that seeped from your fingers that met in opposition to the heat radiating off your cunt, arousal met your fingertips as you dragged them up you slit before rubbing slow circles around your clit, your lips parting a little at the idea of it being his fingers doing this to you.

Jungkook let out a little scoffed laugh, licking his lips as he pulled down his sweats just enough to free his throbbing cock, a sight you’d never fully get used too and had your mouth watering at just the sight. He was much thicker then he was long but he certainly wasn’t short, the vein on the underside of his cock displayed and you could even see his tip beginning to weep as it became red, “How bad do you wish those were my fingers playing with that little clit baby? Put those fingers inside your cunt baby,lay back and use your toy to make yourself feel good for me.

Situating your laptop before you laidback, opening your legs once more as you began to transition to your subspace as you closed your eyes, imagining his fingers dragging up your inner thighs.

Letting your eyes open you whined at the sight of lube slipping from his cock as his hand slowly pumped his shaft, his lips parted at the sight of one finger slipping inside your cunt before pulling out and adding a second finger. You could just imagine those long thick fingers filling you up while fitting up against your g-spot.

Fumbling with your vibrator you turned it on, switching the setting to a low pattern before carefully placing it on your aching bud. You had anticipated your reaction just as you did everytime and yet every time you still jolted, your walls tightly squeezing around your fingers as a whined squeak escaped your lips.

“Fuck princess that’s it,” Jungkook edged you on, his tongue in his cheek as his hand squeezed around his cock before he used his free hand to grab his own toy, the fleshlight that nearly always turned you into a mess, “Bet that little hole can hardly fit your own fingers let alone my big fat cock, right baby? Yeah?”

Your thighs were twitching as pleasure was rapidly buzzing against your clit and your walls kept squeezing around your fingers as you desperately tried to reach to your g-spot in need for an orgarsm to make up for all the anxiety and stress you had been under the whole day, “Yes! Yes sir! Ah- Mmph need you! Fuck, please! Sir.” You whimpered as your hips jolted to fuck back against your fingers.

Jungkook pushes the opening of the flashlight over his tip as he let out a soft moan, his hips fluidly began thrusting to the point your walls were so tight you could hardly move your fingers just at the idea of his cock forcing its way inside you, you just knew this mans stroke game was good and proved it every fucking time he took out that toy.

Watching his cock disappear with every thrust inside his toy as his lips parted a little wider this time, “You want this baby? You wish this was your pussy I’m fucking nice and deep?”

Your body was too excited for all of his dirty talk as you squirmed shifting the buzzing vibrator to the sweet spot of your clit as you squeaked, trying to keep yourself from being too loud as your roommate was home, “Want it! Want it so fucking bad! Please sir! Sir!”

You were embarrassingly horny and this made worked you up every single time, your hips we’re stumbled and your walls were rapidly clenching in excitement as his thick cock rocking it’s way in and out of the toy that you could just imagine was your pussy he was fucking nice and slow, making you feel his nice fat cock with every killer slow thrust.

“Oh Jagiya,” Jungkook moaned out, “Don’t tell me my kitten is already close?” He chuckled as he watched the way your body withered the way it always did when you were close, his eyes feasting on the way your pussy was stretched so delicately against your small fingers and the way your thighs clenched and your feet kicked, “Do you need to cum so soon?”

“Please! Please! Sir! I- I don’t think I can-“ Your thighs clamped together as your lips fell open, unable to even wait for his blessing as your orgasm ripped through your body, your toes curling as little whimpers escaped you, you could hear a long moan from Jungkook as you liddedly watched his hips stumble against his flesh light, hand running through his hair while he fumbled something in Korean.

“Baby fuuck,” Jungkook’s voice lowered as he moaned, “Cum again princess, cum for me baby I wanna hear you make those noises again for me. Keep those little fingers stuffed inside yourself.” Jungkook’s hips kept stuttering against his toy, his cock throbbing desperate as his moans became breathy at the sight of you obeying him. You were always such a good girl.

Your fingers were aching but your desire to watch him come undone was even greater as you began pushing your fingers back against your g-spot once more, feathery whines escaping you at the feeling of pain beginning to mix with pleasure at the consistent thrum of the vibrator against your clit.

“Ah! S-sir…!” You whimpered quietly as your walls suddenly clamped around your fingers once more, “I- ah! I don’t think I can…!”

“Yes you can,” Jungkook growled his hips bucking up into his toys faster his cock throbbing and squeezing in pleasure at the sight of your arousal slipping from your soaked cunt and the sight of your tits bouncing at the way your body kept squirming, he could only imagine what it would be like fucking you tied up and left to his mercy, “And you will,” He snapped with command, “You’re gonna be a good girl and cum for me again princess. I wasn’t fucking asking.”

Your legs immediately twitched and your breath hitched as you cried out, your back arching at the way your body listened to him so easily on command, your walls tightening around your fingers rapidly and pleasure seered into your clit as the orgasm roughly filled your body, “Ah Jungkook! Fuck, fuck, fuck…! Fuck! Ooh!” Moans escaped you louder then you intended as your hips desperately fucked into your fingers to ride the powerful orgasm you experienced.

Jungkook moaned softly as his hips bucked one last time into his toy before cum was filling it up at the idea of milking all of himself in your little warm cunt, letting his hips swivel as he milked every last drop of cum from his cock as he moaned before relaxing back in his chair.

Chuckling a little at watching your lower body scramble at your vibrator continuing to drill against your over stimulated clit as you struggled to turn it off, “Take your fingers out baby, I wanna see them.” Jungkook licked his lips as you obeyed him, pulling your fingers from your cunt to reveal the thick layer of arousal and cum on them nearly making Jungkook’s mouth water with the desire to lick every drop off your fingers, this man couldn’t even describe what he’d do to go down on you.

“Ah fuck, jagiya,” Jungkook laughed, a little flustered at the way you sat up, looking directly into the camera before putting your fingers in your mouth, licking off the salty and somewhat musky taste of your arousal which in your opinion wasn’t that great and Jungkook would never accept your opinion on the matter, “You’re gonna make me hard all over again.” He whined as he carefully pulled the toy off his cock, feeling the white substance already rolling down his softening shaft to reveal the mess he had made.

You giggled a little, feeling shy once more as you stood up with wobbling legs, “I don’t have to help with that.” You called out, grabbing your favorite sweatshirt to pull over your body. It was your favorite because...Well because Jungkook had sent it to you and because it was big on him it was massive on you.

You absolutely adored it, coming back in view you collapsed onto your bed as you curled up, Jungkook had just finished cleaning himself up, fixing his camera for you to see the beautiful radiant smile and eyes light up that was your boyfriend. He always had that dreamy look in his eyes while looking at you everytime you finished having Skype sex and everytime it always made you shy as you grabbed your pillow and curled up.

“You’re always so fucking good baby,” He groaned as he ran a hand through his hair, his smile permanently on his face as he stared in adoration at your curled up figure that was practically buried in his sweatshirt, “Mmm you were such a good girl too, your eyes were rolling to the back of your head when I told you to cum again.”

He had a boyish laugh at the way you curled up, “Stoop! You know I was already overstimulated, you better hope my roommate didn’t hear anything…!” You covered your face in embarrassment at the realization you were a little loud.

Jungkook’s face stiffened a little at the mention of your roommate before he tried to play it off with a small laugh, “Yeah well, what’s he gonna do about it anyways? You were just being my good little girl jagiya.” You covered your face in semi embarrassment. You knew Jungkook was redirecting the conversation back to verbal aftercare because you knew he didn’t like the fact that your roommate was a guy who was not only your age but also very attractive.

It wasn’t like Taehyung was ever interested in you, but you had mentioned to Jungkook when you first started talking that you used to have a crush on him. You felt as though some days that still lingered in Jungkook’s mind despite the fact that you didn’t even look at Taehyung twice anymore.

Especially since you and Jungkook became an item, however you also hadn’t told Jungkook that Taehyung had been...Well you weren’t sure what he was doing to be honest outside a few innuendos and winks. It mainly weirded you out as he had never paid any attention to you but regardless. This wasn’t about your roommate, this was about your amazing, handsome boyfriend who somehow managed to make you cum twice just by the sound of his voice, not everything could do that.

“You make it difficult to try and disobey.” You mumbled as a smile tugged in your lips, closing your eyes at the idea of his arms wrapped tight around you and his forehead pressed against your own, you could almost feel his warm breath against your face and his lips pressing against your forehead.

“Mmm id like to see you try,” Jungkook laughed as he leaned back his seat, letting out a content sigh as he spoke, “I’d make you wear those vibrating panties the whole day after making you overestimate yourself and I’d make sure to wake up every hour just to hold that button for three minutes straight.”

“You’re so mean!” You whines as you fluttered your feet before crawling under your covers as you yawned, “You’re already planning a punishment when I haven’t even done anything wrong.”

“I’m not!” Jungkook laughed as he objected, moving his hair from his face, “I’m just telling you what would’ve happened if you weren’t obedient. I mean, that’s not always a bad thing baby.” He sent a wink your way that immediately made your cheeks warm as you pressed your face against the blanket with a giggle.

“I can’t do that over a video call…! Maybe if you were here in my bed I’d be a little more defiant.” You always had a hard time trying to flirt confidently but Jungkook always ate it up every single time you threw him a crumb.

“Jagiya if you can’t be defiant over a call what makes you think you’d manage it when I’m between your legs sucking the soul out of your pussy?” Jungkook was immediately cackling at the way you shoved your face into your pillow with a whine, “Exactly baby, you can’t even look at me right now.” He cooed out.

“Well maybe I’m just a little more bold in person.” You challenged, peeping out from behind your pillow making Jungkook chuckle as he shook his head, his eyes filled with adoration as he leaned back in his seat.

“Well sweetheart I’ll just have to see for myself one day huh?” Jungkook’s smile was so beautiful, it was arguably one of your favorite features as he spoke, “You know I love you to the moon and back jagiya.”

“Well I love you love you to the stars and beyond,” You whispered back as you hugged your pillow close, closing your eyes sleepily as you smiled….One day...Hopefully you’d overcome your anxiety soon to make the one day become soon, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand being apart from the one person who would never stop making your day.

#bts #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader smut #ldr!jungkook

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quirklessidiot · 4 years

Text

Title: voicemail [one-shot] Pairing: gn!reader x kuroo tetsuro (age up characters) Genre: angst with a fluffy ending

Synopsis: You say good morning, when it's midnight Going out of my head, alone in this bed I wake up to your sunset and it's driving me mad I miss you so bad. [this request kuroo + angst + ldr]

Warnings: some bad language but other than that none Notes: heavily inspired by simple plan’s jet lag ngh, hope you enjoy it anon. i def had fun writing this. Kuroo was my first love in haikyuu HAHHSHSS T-T

masterlist

“Hey this is kuroo tetsurou, i’m currently busy right now, just leave a message after the beep.”

“Hey it’s me…” you paused, “How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. Uh- Kenma visited me yesterday, he told me that you secured a new deal. I-I just wanted to congratulate you...and-well, i miss you. Call me when you’re not busy, alright? I-I love you.”

The apartment turns silent after you end the call, your head throbbing at the thought of your third unanswered voicemail. Were you being overbearing? Would he find you annoying? You shut your eyes tight, all this overthinking at this time of the day.

Maybe it would’ve been better to just pass the message on to Kenma.

You let out a loud groan as you dropped yourself on the bed.

Man, when people told you that long distance relationships would be hard, you laughed it off, saying that you and tetsu wouldn’t feel that way. You were both open and too much in love, trivial things like time zones and miles away wouldn’t break you two apart.

Yet right now, you weren’t so confident to say that out loud. It was easier at first, following a scheduled facetime at least twice a week at most and a short call when you both had time everyday. As months pass though, the little schedule you promised to keep up was dwindling.

When he called, you were busy or you were dead tired from work. When you called, he was either asleep too or busy scouting some people on volleyball leagues. The face times would just turn to very short conversations or a curt message.

Now this happened, its been a week since you haven’t heard from him and it was Kenma who had told you about his little victory at work.

What happened to weekly updates?

Were you just overthinking?

You furrowed your brows together as you turned to the abandoned cellular phone next to you, maybe this was nothing. Maybe he was just tired or maybe he was worried he’d disturb your sleeping time (he feels awfully bad when he does that), maybe he just told Kenma to tell you since he wasn’t good at figuring out the timezone things (after all, Kenma barely slept so he’d definitely be a good messenger)

Yeah, maybe that was the case.

Things returned to normal after that one week of no replies and it bothered you even more, why couldn’t he apologize? Did he not see the voicemails you sent? Did he not notice the nervousness in your tone when you sent that last message?

You feel your stomach clench as if you’re on a high up roller coaster about to go down.

God, why were you even overthinking? You sound like one of those girls that Kuroo and you would make fun of back then in high school.

A small ding resonates in the quiet apartment and you see a text from the man himself,

From: Tetsu Time: 09:00 pm Can’t facetime tonight :( Work has me by the neck.

To: Tetsu Time: 09:01 It’s fine :D Take care of yourself and just text me when you’re done. I love you.

You shut your phone off and ran your hands through your dry hair, moments later, you realize he doesn’t reply and the feeling of uneasiness does not waver.

It just worsens.

“Y/N, you alright there?” Kenma asks, it’s sunny today and you manage to drag Kenma out of his not-so little hideout. The man needed some sun, he was getting extra pale these days but these days, it seemed like it was actually you that needed this break.

You immediately snapped out of your thoughts when you hear the low voice of your friend, “Yeah,” You laugh, scratching your neck, “Just peachy.”

Kenma Kozume was many things, observant is one of them. It was easy to notice how distressed you looked yet he didn’t know exactly why. Was it work? Did you and Kuroo fought? Weird, his friend hadn’t said anything and he seemed pretty happy when he called to check up on him this morning at three am.

“Is something going on at work, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you try to mask your overthinking by something else, knowing Kenma he’d voice out your worries to Kuroo and right now that was the least thing you wanted, “Something at work.”

“Don’t overthink about it Y/N. I’m sure you’re doing a great job.”

‘Yeah.’ you thought bitterly, ‘Don’t overthink about it.’

The low sound of your laptop ringing resonates throughout the room as you do your own nails, you immediately shoot-up to see Kuroo’s name on the screen, you dive on the front of your laptop and click answer, his face immediately occupying the screen, “Kitten!” he exclaims.

Your worries are gone as soon as you hear that voice, yes, this was fine. He was alright. You were both alright.

“H-hey, baby.” You try to control your voice.

“You alright there?” his brows furrowed, “Am I disturbing your sleep again-”

“No!” You suddenly cry out, “N-No, it’s just...I haven’t seen you in so long, I guess.”

Kuroo’s gaze immediately softens, “Oh, Y/N...Baby, I’m so sorry…”

God, you wanted to touch him so bad. You want to lay next to him and wake up to his face like before, you wanted to be selfish right now and just cry and beg him to come home.

“No, It’s fine.” You suck it up, “It’s probably just the late night dramas I’ve been watching that’s got me missing you.”

His deep chuckle resonates in your quiet room and you start to feel alright until you hear someone call his name, “Oh shit.” He cursed, “I have to get back, Baby. Boss wants me, again.”

Your expression shifts to an uncharacteristic frown, “Right, bye. I-I love you.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

The screen turns black once again and the bile on your throat begins to rise, the feeling of dread turning worse.

Who were you kidding, long distance relationships were shit.

You were feeling like shit.

You stare at the fish fillet in front of you, it's midday and your day off from work. If it were your usual day, you’d facetime your boyfriend while doing some paperwork but after that brief videocall. You became more withdrawn, your texts would become curt and you didn’t bother leaving messages on his voicemail anymore.

You didn’t have facetimes anymore too.

Yet you keep your phone next to you, hoping he’d still call and when he does, your can’t help it but your replies are starting to get dry. Sometimes forced even yet Kuroo doesn’t notice, he never does.

So when he finally calls again that time at lunch and is once again cut off by his workmates, you finally snap, “...Why are we still doing this?” your voice was rough and dry.

Kuroo is silent on the other line, the only thing that could be heard was his office mate calling him.

“Kitten, what do you mean? Are you okay?”

“Forget it.Just go.”

“Y/N?” His tone was serious now, all playfulness void, “I thought we were doing fine-”

“Thought.” You shakily cut him off, “You thought.”

“Y/N, you seriously - look- I don’t have time for this.”

That was the final straw, your tipping point. Those words were your Achilles heel.

“Then we should just break up, right?”

The only thing that could be heard was the silence on his side and your fast heartbeat. Guess you got your answer and as much as you hated it, you could only handle so much.

“Hey this is Y/N, I’m out now and kinda busy so just leave a message after a beep, yeah?”

“It’s me.” Kuroo’s voice echoes through the walls, “Y/N baby, please pick up the phone. I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean it that way. I was an ass. I should’ve kept our promise. Please call me when you get this”

A loud beep echoes throughout the room after his message is cut.

“It’s me again. I miss you and I’m sorry. I really am, I miss you so bad. Can we facetime? Same time as usual, I promise I won’t let work get in the way again. Please call me back when you receive this.”

A loud beep once again echoes through the quiet walls of your room.

“Y-Y/N.” Kuroo stammers, “sweetheart, I-I asked Kenma to check on you. He brought a meal and well I know its a far fix from what I did but just eat well, yeah? He says you haven’t been looking well and I worry. I love you always, y-you know that right?”

Before the next message could play, you grab your phone and shut it off. A soft sigh escaping your lips. It had been two weeks since that breakup. You wouldn’t say you were doing well yet you wouldn’t say that the burden was lifted either.

You were just so confused at the moment, so withdrawn. The world seemingly void of color without your lover truly next to you anymore.

You slowly snuggle on his side of the bed, shutting your eyes. You might as well start moving your things when you wake up tomorrow, no sense in staying at your shared apartment.

You’re awoken by a familiar warmth caressing your hair. You flutter your eyes open, trying to adjust your vision to the room's dim light, the familiar figure of the man you missed and dearly loved sitting across you in a suit. His bags are thick as if he hadn’t slept in a while and his hair’s unkempt more than usual.

“I’m sorry.” the first thing he says.It's soft and warm like his touches, “I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Y-You..” It slowly dawns upon you that this isn’t a dream, that he’s right here, “You’re here.”

“Sorry it took so long, Y/N.” He apologies once again, dipping his head down to give you a soft kiss on your forehead. You sit up and suddenly all the tears burst out as you throw yourself to him in a hug, “I was too busy getting my work done so I could be assigned in this division earlier I hadn’t-”

“You’re home.” You cry, cutting off his explanation, it didn’t matter anymore. He was home and he was going to stay, “You’re finally home.”

“Yeah.” He whispers, “I’m here. I’m home.”

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