#Writing this made me realise i dont really draw the ideas i have that often whoch i should do
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Ranking the Psichikers based on drawability instead of doing my homework. By drawability I mean how closely I can draw them to canon design btw. Criteria is:
1. Do I need a reference to draw this character?
If I do not need a reference = +1
Sometimes I need it= 0.5
If I do need a reference = 0
2. Are they fun to draw?
Yes = +1
Some parts are fun = +0.5
Not at all = 0
3. Do I want to draw them often?
ALL THE TIME = +1
Frequently = +0.75
Sometimes = +0.5
Not very much = +0.25
Never I only draw them when I have to = 0
4. Can I be creative with this character?
Yes = +1
Sometimes= 0.5
No = 0
That is four questions! Exactly the number of PSIkickers, what a coincidence! Totally not planned at all!
Ranking begins:
4. Reita Toritsuka (1.75/4)
Sorry tori. I need a reference for his hair pretty much everytime I draw him, which to be fair is so far like 4 times in total. Honestly I have a love-hate relationship with his headband because on the one hand, it's kinda iconic, on the other it's fucking horrendous I'm sorry.
Moving on from the hair, the most fun I have with drawing him would be his uniform (I like the rosary beads and Geta) and his face since he's an expressive character so I get to do a lot of fun stuff with that ( this technically does not count since it's not a part of the design but his points are already kinda low, I felt generous).
Lastly, no, I don't really have many "creative" ideas with him, I had maybe 3 but I never really felt passionate enough to finish them I'm sorry.
2. Mikoto Aiura (2/4)
This feels way too low but I can't really break the rules.
I do need to use references to draw her everytime I do ( which I think is...1 time? That is criminally low what the fuck am I doing) mainly due to her hair, speaking of which, I LOVE HER HAIR I LOVE HER NAILS I LOVE HER EYES I LOVE HER!!!! She is so fun to draw and it's so fucking nice to have a character with some fucking MELANIN OMG HER SKIN I AJDBDJ SHADING TANNED/DARK SKIN IS SO FUN WHY DONT I DO IT MORE OFTEN. This doesn't count since it's supposed to be about their canon design but there are so many outfits you can put her in it's crazy!!! I think it's mainly because she's kinda the only one with an aesthetic idk.
I WANNA DRAW HER ALL THE TIME I JUST DONT FOR SOME REASON WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!??? Off topic I do not draw any of the female characters that often even though I regularly lose my mind thinking about them what's up with that?
Do I get to be creative with her? Not really but that's not her fault that's on me, she's perf I'm just uncreative that's all.
So sadly this is her rank. ATM anyway I'll draw her so often after this trust.
2. Saiki Kusuo (2/4)
He scored 0.5 on everything... How!??? Last I checked he is not Satoru Hiroshi.
Main reason I need a reference is due to the hair which for the most part is a bunch of zig zags and so I don't need it that often.
He is fun to draw, mainly his eyes they are very pretty. I do want to draw him often, I doodle him a lot. I think it's the limiters and glasses. I don't have to worry about him looking accurate cuz if you throw the limiters and glasses on it immediately looks like saiki so Im not that scared about drawing him.
Fun fact a lot of times when I'm drawing him he ends up looking like Kuboyasu. Until I put limiters on. Then all of a sudden it's saiki! Amazing! Chouno Uryoku who?
I guess I'm somewhat creative with him? I have a few ideas laying around, one or two animatics, maybe a fic and a couple crossover fanart ideas. Dunno if I'll ever get around to doing it though.
1. Akechi Touma (3/4)
I SO BADLY WANNA GIVE HIM A 4/4 MAN.
No I do not need a reference I drew him once and then his hair and face were ingrained into my long term memory for eternity in fact i remember it so well I subconsciously gave it to an OC.
Is he fun to draw? FUCK YEAH HE IS. Hair was the problem for all the other characters but not this one, no sir! because THIS MOTHERFUCKER HAS THE HAIR THAT GIVES ME GENDER EUPHORIA. It was my first 'boy' hair cut and I love how androgynous it made me look so looking at him gives me pure joy. And his eyes GOD I LOVE HIS BIG PURPLE EYES SJDIEBD.
I used to want to draw him all the time but I've drawn him too frequently so I need to take a small (miniscule really) break so I can continue liking it. Maybe that'll give me time to draw more Aiura. Anyways I gave him 0.75 on that part but that's entirely my fault for over drawing him. He did no wrong I take the blame.
Can I be creative with him? No not really since just drawing him covered in blood and/or eating sweets does not count as creative in this criteria. But I do have many ideas of just putting him in other universes and meeting my other favs and then the two of them ramble about an interest of choice and are just get to talk talk talk and talk I love them I love their yapping onjdhdiehd and I have a couple of animatic ideas I may never finish. GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE HAS A 4/4 IN MY HEART.
Oh god it's 1:22 am I should finish this homework.
#needing references is bad in this context because i dont always have acess to ine when drawing them#Writing this made me realise i dont really draw the ideas i have that often whoch i should do#specially the akechi meets my other blorbos one thatd give me so much serotonin id be filled with pure love and joy for every creature big#and small after i draw akechi in the same room as No 1 from artemis fowl who i should also draw more often#i might change my opinions on this come the morning but who cares#okay homework time alright buh bye#saiki k
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Regardless of how much attention they got, what are three things you've written or drawn that you're most proud of?
oh i love this question...
so i think what i get most proud of are my long comics,, despite the drawings being simple, i think i put alot more effort into just finishing them than i do like. coloured pieces etc... doing full pieces is more leisure than struggling to finish a long ass comic yknow. especially if its mental health related, i put alot of effort into them
so i think the one im most proud of is the sunset duo comic about PTSD flashbacks the way i experience them.,. i never really saw people talk about how they are for me so i decided to do it myself
alot of people find comfort in it because they also have been longing for someone to talk about those kinds of flashbacks, where its not really pictures or specific memories, but more the feelings you felt during it. alot of people who have repressed memories have flashbacks this way
it was very... cathargic. its the first thing that pops into my head when people ask about my emotion-comics. i think its my favorite
another one i really like is this one.
its my first deep comic like that, and it kinda kicked off something in me, knowing what i wanted to create. its kinda old now, and my art has evolved somewhat, ive been thinking of re-doing it sometime
alot of my comics that are like this are based on my own struggles, and i make them to deal with my own, hoping that posting them will make others feel less alone. i also base leo on my irl bff like 98% of the time, and this was one of them.
i think that it marks kind of "the first" of stuff that i've gotten feedback on that it has helped others, and looking back on it gives me alot of motivation to continue doing art
hmm third one i really love is this one, with april
i had this huge idea of going into detail about things, my own take on things. and i held that idea until i started drawing, and as i got to the end i realised:
"wait.. i dont want to think about this. i dont want to have a take on someone's pointless suffering. i dont want him to have to remember it either. why do all comics have to elaborate on the struggling and then everything being okay? thats not how it works"
and ended up completely re-writing it. i think it made it alot more in character too
at the time, i was in therapy. and we would often talk about what i do in my daily life and i would talk about the comics i make. and this was one she really liked hearing about, and she had a lot of praise for the way i ended it when i told her about my trail of thought
i hope this is comprehensible jdajkgfdsjk
!!
i thinik. i like my art that includes leo .. is some of my favorite... i like writing him. he's very kind. he loves and respects raph alot, and i think he understands raph on a deeper level in some way. i cant explain it but. yueah!!!
if i could have a fourth favorite it would be this one
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Just finished reading your transfem Saionji/transmasc Nanami & Anthy notes and I loved it so much. I wish there were more people discuss RGU from a trans lense/thinking about how RGU characters being trans would affect the narrative and help explore the already present under other lights themes (because I think that for what RGU's world and theme are it would jive well with trans themes and for discussing the community as a whole), and your notes were such a joy to read.
You captured the characters perfectly and transmasc Nanami has all of my heart I love him so much. I have been rotating the idea of a transmasc/gnc nanami into my head for a long time, but I never really realised how to articulate it, and I think you did a really great job with him.
Him envying Anthy for being able to wear a dress (even if it's the rose bride dress...) but at the same time fearing becoming what the rose bride dress actually is and just expressing all of those feelings into hate for Anthy not dressing like "a proper boy", UGHHHH I LOVED THAT CONCEPT.
Saionji still having flings with Touga despite the fact that he will never chase after her and hating Anthy because she's the only woman Touga shows "interest" in and actively "chases" after, while she's just another conquest for him, she's just like any other girl for him. Gut wrenching, absolute punch in the gut.
I never thought of female Touga and transmasc Nanami but I feel like a new entire world was open up to me, and it's an absolutely amazing concept.
I love how in depth you go with this vision of the characters, and his you dwell into real actual problems and experience that trans peps have and how society's cisheteronormative view has an effect on us.
Sorry for leaving this long ass ask, but I got some brainrot and I am prolly gonna write something about it and I wanted to express to you how much I Ioved reading your notes <3 <3 <3 <3
aaa im so happy u enjoyed them ! & i agree !! i also wish there were more discussion and trans exploration of RGU !
i agree so much that RGU's themes would mesh well with trans narratives which is why i enjoy them so much ... my friend said, that he thinks transgender headcanons enhance RGU's themes and help modernise the story as well
one of the messages of RGU is that heteropatriarchy hurts everyone. including boys & men. but it was crucial to the impact & message of the story that the main characters and narrative struggles were of girls, because they suffer most under the patriarchy
revolutionary girl utena was and IS still revolutionary, but it was still made in the 90s and has some blind spots. since people are becoming more aware of it now why not add explicit transness to the narrative ? [the trans AU i hold the closest to my heart is transfem anthy 🥹]
im glad you agree with my character interpretations ! i actually dont feel like im good at characterisation [which is why i personally draw instead of write aaa so often i wish i could write things but they require much more skill] or do i think im that good at dissecting gender to be honest ... so im very happy to read your message and kind words !
pleeease dont be sorry for the ask i loved reading it and if you do end up writing trans RGUs i would love to read that aas well !!!!
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hi! really really sorry if this comes off as weird or if you just wanna move past it, but if you'd like, I'd maybe wanna try and give some...idk...advice? As someone who writes c!primeboys in a way vaguely similar to how you do(I.E focusing on the obsessiveness of c!Dream towards c!Tommy and how he dehumanizes him like a fucking creep, but not That Kind of creep), and who has often dealt with more than just a couple of really nasty, half-assed, fake nice comments on my fics with it.
First of all, I wanna say that there is literally NOTHING wrong(from what I've seen) with how you write them in your fics/drabbles. Literally nothing. Your stuff is horrifying and eerie and makes the skin crawl, but it's done well and very similar to scenes from DSMP canon, and not once in my Basically A Whole Year of lurking before I joined did I ever read your stuff and think it was at all gross or anywhere close to boundry breaking. Like...you'd have to SQUINT and tilt your head a whole bunch. then scoot 5 paces to the left to stand on your head. to get anything /r or heavens forbid NSFW out of your c!primeboys stuff. that's how far off from any boundaries you've been.
like you are Very Good on that front. Please don't ever worry too badly, you're honestly one of the most respectful people I've seen when it comes to the CCs.
Another thing is that I heavily relate to basing c!primeboys stuff off of personal experience. At the risk of being a bit trauma dumpy, I often draw from experiences of both sexual and non-sexual abuse I've suffered when writing c!Dream. Not in the sense that I take the sex stuff and put it up to him god no heaven forbid, but moreso that, as someone who has gone through both "flavors" of how abusers can be predatory towards their victims, I find it very soothing to take the idea of being viewed as just a toy, meat, tool or an object, something to be hurt and consumed for another person's enjoyment, and to take all of that and go "hee hoo evil greem man" in a way that fits the Ccs' boundaries that allows me to vent through whatever I'm writing. oooooften in the "hee hoo evil greem man be evil and then get thrown into the garbage disposal while gold boy get hugged and kissed on the forehead" way, which is a bit different from your horror-centric fics, but hey! the duality of inniter strikes again :D
I get feeling anxious when someone misinterprets your fics. You aren't alone in that. If someone ever tried to accuse me of /r or NSFWing any of my c!primeboys scene, I'd likely have a panic attack and go on lockdown for the next 5 business days. because,,,,,,yikes, ya'know?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that you really shouldn't worry as much about coming off a certain way if that's not what you intend in your writing. You tag your stuff very well, you give warnings and are very mindful about everything you create. That anon was being an ass and should go reconsider how they talk to people when they can just curate their own experience. If i had a nickel for everytime I've had someone say some similarly snobby mocking passive aggressive fake-nice shit on my fics, I'd have a lotta nickels and would be a bit less unhappy about reading those things. becuz money. yea....
Sorry this was so long and rambly. I just wanted to try and offer a few assurances <3
thank you, i'm sorry this is causing you anxiety haha. i'm just. i've fucked up with boundaries in the past. i dont get them intuitively like a lot of people do bc i've only just recently allowed myself to start having my own. i worry that fucking up there has made me unfixable. i worry i'm still fucking up and not realising it. its good to know that it's just paranoia.
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HEYYY I LOVE THE FNAF SB COMIC YOU MADE!!!!
I wanted to ask this question bc im a new user here in tumblr (AND A NEW READER TO THIS COMIC) sooo
How often do you update?? I cannot see dates or comment here so it leaves me a little confused lolol
EEEE!! I'M SO HAPPY YOU LIKE MY COMIC!! This means alot to me, you have no idea, thank you!! And welcome to the hellsite fellow friend! Hope ya enjoy your stay hehe~
As for how often i update...well, not that often-- i dont have a set date for when i update it, it's quite random, but at most i wanna try and update it once a month. With my current pattern, i usually update it by the end of the month
Although there can be times i update 2 parts in one month, but that's if I'm lucky. It takes some time to work on a new part, i gotta write the script, then sketch and plan it out, then do a clean sketch on digital, and then lineart/write the dialogue
Although my last update was on April. And the fact is, I'm currently on a hiatus
At first it was because of school as it started to take a toll on me. But now it's just generally a break. Shit happened by the beginning of this month (some yall may know bout it) and i just lost motivation to draw completely, only now am i starting to get back to drawing. But another thing was how i realised, i didn't really prepared my story properly, the lore i mean. So rn I'm currently just working on that
The comic isn't over or cancelled, i plan on bringing it back, i just dont know when exactly- i have part 7 sketched out already, with 2 pages already on digital tho.
#idk where you are using tumblr#but if its mobile then there's like 3 little dots at the top corner opposite to the username#press that and you can see the date and hour it was posted#also some posts dont have comments just reblogs so yeah most comments are there#reblogs are veery important here#more then likes and comments#cakes asks#ask box#fnaf#fnaf sb#fnaf security breach#security breach#home is where freddy is
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the history of my ocs isnt interesting to anyone but me but i love sitting and lookin at my kids, thinking of what they were n what they mightve been
min-kyung literally started out as a happy go lucky baker, now instead shes dating one asgdgddh
shout out to me in science realising identical twins are, well, Identical, thus meaning milos trans now sorry i dont make the rules. holy shit milo is ALSO like. a different version of what wouldve been old min-kyungs love interest. rip kelp
completely killing off bo bc my bestest friend said he looked like a mix of markiplier and jackseptieye when i was trying to redesign him. mincy if ur reading this ilu for that, it actually really made kai n katsuos story more tight n better lol
katsuo has not fucking changed tbh. kai got a missing leg in the bo divorce tho
feel kinda bad for rikku, their hair changes everytime bc i forget how its meant to be augh, also have really ignored growing them and their lil friend group. kon is the same age creation wise, and they both just. didnt feel like People? oh ones angry one wants to fly the end. so i made kon autistic lol have a part of me and go research cats my love
GODS even the fact that like. half of them started out as neopets…. that number is growing less the more i make but i am holding my kids in the palm of my hand
WAIT natash was like. a super cool assassin/killer/fighter type at the very start. that 100% went to min-kyung LOL
this doesnt even include like. the fact all my ocs n stories i started making super young, so the natural growth of “oh it just makes senses if ur trans/gay, congrats u are now” “i hate love triangles why did i do this, yall poly now”
even just general character relationships which have grown like jett/cecelia and vin+viktor…. or realising how connected everyone should be with knowing each other (thus MORE relationships, viktor+saros, jason+alistar, listen throwing in a bunch of ppl into a band was the best idea of my life)
really fucking doubt ill ever make a coherent story with anyone. its super easy to pick out even just duos to write about (kendra n emery are always spinning in my brain, kats n kais breakout, coral n saros first meeting, gods dont get me started with kishi) but nothing is actually fleshed out, just basic scenes and ideas of what the start and end is. i still love my lil kids tho, rly need to draw them more often.
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The Brothers and Dateables With a Tattoo Artist MC
My own MC was a tattoo artist before she came to the Devildom, so I thought I’d write up some head cannons with a tattoo artist MC.
MC is gender neutral!
Mammon
Nobody can convince me that the “Brothers Under a Pact” squad wouldn't be the first ones to get tattoos from MC, and Mammon would definitely be the first
Definitely likes to brag about it too
Don't remind him that there are countless people in the human realm that you tattooed before him or he will pout
People tend to think that Mammon is cheap and would try to talk you into giving him free or cheap tattoos, but he couldn't stand to be like that towards you especially regarding something that you’re so good at
Our first man works his butt off every time he wants to get some new ink from you
Likes to give you a big ole tip every time
Gets fidgety when he has to sit still for too long so you two have to take breaks often
Prefers small/medium sized tattoos rather than really big ones
One time after he started getting tattoos from you, he was at a modeling gig and they tried to make him cover them up with makeup, he quit and that magazine went bankrupt not too long after...dont fuck with the avatar of greed
Once your shop starts taking off in the Devildom, he and Asmo try to convince you to do a shoot for Majolish(They definitely didn't pull some strings to get Majolish to do a whole segment about you and your business)
Beelzebub
The second brother to get a tattoo from MC
Refuses to get any food related tattoos: he doesn't want to accidentally take a chunk out of himself when he gets blinded by his hunger
This man has a very high pain tolerance and sits like a rock while you're tattooing him and you love him for it
He definitely needs snack breaks during longer sessions though
Has a memorial tattoo for Lillith over his heart that matches with one on Belphie
While making this list I was randomly blessed with the mental image of Beel with abuncha old school American traditional tattoos and you can pry that headcannon from my cold, dead hands
Mammon likes to brag that he has the most tattoos from you, but Beel might give him a run for his money, he doesn't mind Mammon’s bragging most of the time though, so he just lets him believe whatever he wants this time
Simeon
But Simeon has never been all that great at following the rules that they set for him
The first of the dateables to get a tattoo
He wasn't actually planning on getting a tattoo at first, but one day he overheard Luke trying to scold you for all of your tattoos(definitely before the incident with Beel and Lucifer in the underground tomb) and that was the only push he needed to jump on the “tattoos from MC” train
There is a lot of rhetoric in the Celestial Realm about how “Your body is a temple and you should not mark it”
He’s still not willing to stray too far from his roots though, so he’d probably get something with vaguely religious undertones
Absolutely delights in the shocked look on your face and the sheepish questions on whether angels are allowed to do this
Once he’s finally convinced you that you're not damning him to fall by tattooing him, the process goes by very easily
He is very easygoing and open regarding designs and he handles the pain very well
He absolutely loves to show his tattoo off, even when he goes home to the Celestial Realm and receives his reprimands from Michael
Leviathan
The third brother to get a tattoo from MC
Didn't want to get a tattoo at first, all of that physical contact and pain on top of it? No way
But then Mammon, Beel, and even Simeon all got one and he got jealous
You're HIS Henry, why are THEY the ones who get to wear your art? He might’ve been able to deal with his dumb brothers, but SIMEON TOO?
You gotta sit down with him and have a nice long chat about it, making sure this is something that he would actually want to do and not just his envy talking
Spoiler alert: It was definitely just his envy talking
He realises that he is actually oddly attached to the idea of getting a tattoo from you now though, so he comes up with designs and draws them on himself until he is certain that he won't regret it
Would get something tiny and probably gaming related
Definitely very squeamish about the pain aspect but the design that the two of you came up with is very simple and small, so he is able to make it through without fainting
He absolutely loves his new tattoo...but he is never doing that again
Belphegor
Fourth brother to get a tattoo
Has wanted to get one ever since Beel showed him the tattoo he got in memory of Lillith, but things were very...not good...between the two of you at that point
Finally worked up the courage to at least ask if you would be okay with it after the two of you made a pact
Beel, forgetting his super high pain tolerance, told him that it getting a tattoo doesn't hurt at all, so he was in for a big surprise when he went under the needle for the first time
Whiny at first, but he manages to stay very still for you
Has a memorial tattoo for Lilith over his heart that matches with one on Beel
Will definitely start to doze off during long sessions
Convinced Satan to get a matching Anti Lucifer League tattoo with him(definitely doesn't try to convince you to get one too)
Make sure that he does not, under any circumstances, actually fall asleep while you're tattooing him. He did once and he rolled over in his sleep, almost ruining an entire tattoo
Ever since that time, Beel has come with him to his sessions so you could focus on your work and he can focus on keeping Belphie awake
Satan
Gets his tattoo not long after Belphie
One of those people that think every tattoo needs to mean something so he takes forever trying to pick out something that he wants
Would probably get some sort of quote or design inspired by his favorite book, something that really resonated with who he is as a person
Was somehow convinced by Belphie to get an Anti Lucifer League tattoo
Does he regret it whenever he realizes that he now has a portion of his skin dedicated to Lucifer of all people? Possibly, but he definitely won't say anything about it to you
Loves to look at you and just admire your tattoos, asking the stories behind each and every one of them that he can see
He might be a bigger fan of literature than the fine arts, but that doesn't mean that he has any less of an appreciation for your work
Definitely pulls some strings and gets one of his friends who owns an art gallery to display some of your work there
Can set you up with all the connections that you need to make your mark on the Devildom art world
Lucifer
The last of the brothers to get a tattoo
In the beginning he has no intentions of getting a tattoo, he does have alot of respect for your talents and how hard you work for them though
As an art lover and artist himself, he will most certainly commission you from time to time and hang your work in his study
He won't admit it, but seeing your art and thinking of you when he's stressed with work is very soothing
He eventually decides to let you tattoo him only if it’s in a place that is easily covered by his clothes, considering how he dresses that leaves you with pretty much his entire body to work with
Sometimes when he has some time off he will grab a sketchbook and join you if he finds you in the common room working on a design, you share a comfortable silence, with the only sounds be the crackling of the fireplace and the scratching of pencils on paper
The kind of person that wants a tattoo but has no idea what he actually wants, but hes picky as fuck so he will turn down every single idea that you give him for weeks
He is lucky that you love him
Whenever you two talk about placements, if you mention anything on his back to cover up the scars from his wings he will almost back out entirely
Almost
Afew months later he’ll put his pride aside come back, admitting that your ideas would be perfect and that he wants to go through with it
During the session he has way too much pride to admit that he was feeling any pain
That is until you have to start going over the scars
As soon as the needles hit scar tissue he starts to fall apart; tears, shaking, the whole nine yards
It takes you quite a few sessions to finish since he cant handle such long sessions on that portion of his back
The summer after his new back piece is finished, he goes with you and his brothers back to Diavolo’s beach, this time he takes his shirt off in front of everyone for the first time since the fall
He wears your art with such pride that he lets everyone keep the memory, he even lets Asmo keep the pictures he took of all of them up on Devilgram
Diavolo
Wanted to be the first to get a tattoo but Barbatos said no
If you want to continue your career in the Devildom for the duration of your stay, he will buy you a building to work from and any supplies to get started since you had to leave your stuff in the human realm
Diavolo has rooms in the castle filled with the art that he's collected over the years, so when he sees that you're an artist he gets so excited
Before he finally gets tattooed by you, he buys a lot of your artwork and hangs it up around the castle
It takes a few years to propose the idea again to Barbatos in a way that wont make the butler’s hair fall out from stress, but he finally relented under one condition: it has to be in an area that is still hidden while he’s in his demon form
He decides that his legs would be the perfect place to indulge in your artistic talents while also keeping Barbatos’s controlling side at bay
Hes another one that knows he wants a tattoo but no clue what he wants to get
Unlike Lucifer though, he is a true open canvas
He truly adores your art so he wholeheartedly trusts you with his body and knows that he will love anything that you do for him
He knows that this is most likely very nerve wracking for you considering his position so he tries to reassure you and make the process very easy for you
You still put everything into designing him something fit for a king
He’s the type to prefer large pieces that span over entire sections of his body rather than abuncha small/medium sized ones
Another fidgetter, he’s really not all that accustomed to pain so he doesn't have a high tolerance for it
Likes to treat you to dinner at Ristorante Six after each of his sessions
Tips like the absolute king he is, you could probably pay a couple months of rent back at your apartment in the Human Realm just from his tip
Once his tattoo is finally finished and healed, he will find every excuse that he can think of to invite you and the brothers on outings to places where he is free from scrutiny to wear shorts and show off your artwork
Barbatos
The last of all of the boys to get a tattoo
It was a complete shock to everyone when he came to you and asked if he could make an appointment to get tattooed by you
“Everyone” being you, Diavolo, and Lucifer because nobody else knows that it happened and he would like to keep it that way
Another member of the “I’ll get one as long as it’s somewhere nobody will see” club...so basically not his face
Before the two of you get to talking about designs, you expect him to go with something small and simple, maybe an elegant little teapot or something along those lines
Then this man comes to his consultation and throws you for a loop talking about a sleeve
Very picky, he has high standards for himself and what's on his body
Knows exactly what he wants but does his best not to stifle your creativity during the design process
You learn ALOT about just who lurks behind Barbatos’s mild-mannered butler facade during his sessions, he’s surprisingly upfront and honest whenever you have him under the needle
Solomon
Can't get a tattoo
This man has pact marks for 72 demons all over his body, there is simply no more room
Any open space he has is being saved just in case any other demons *cough* Lucifer *cough* ever decide to come around to making a pact
Collects your flash and hangs it up around his room
If you take Diavolo up on his offer to set up a shop in the Devildom, he will make sure to tell all of his pact-mates about you, hype up your work, and get you a lot of business in the door
Sometimes he will commission art from you and use magic to make your art temporarily appear on his skin over the pact marks
Once you become a sorcerer and have a better grasp on your magic, he helps you experiment in creating magical inks and enchanting tattoos
Asmodeus
The only one that actually doesn't want to get a tattoo
He doesnt think that tattoos would fit in very well to the image that he has for himself
And not being able to show off every inch of his beautiful skin while its healing is a no from him
Since he likes to test out his new makeup and skincare products on you, sometimes after he has had his way with your face he will let you draw on him with skin safe markers
would definitely be a wimp about the pain
Will spam pictures to his Devilgram of his fancy new temporary tattoos and you drawing on him
Will definitely try to bring you some of his flings to get his name tattooed on them, you will have to reprimand him every single time and eventually he will stop
If you're not the type to keep up with social media, he’ll offer to keep up a Devilgram account for your shop
If you're ever attempting to draw and you have a very specific pose in your head that you can't find a reference for, he will not hesitate to get up and start posing for you
Luke
He is baby and cant have any tattoos until he's older
His mind frequently bounces back and forth between the whole “your body is a temple” rhetoric that he was taught growing up and “wow that's so cool!”
After Simeon got his tattoo Luke became a lot more enthusiastic and curious about your job though
Will occasionally ask if he can have one of your flash sheets so he can color your pictures
These very often end up on the fridge in Purgatory Hall
Sometimes they even make their way to the fridge in the House of Lamentation too
Will this make the brothers jealous? Yes. Do you care? No.
Luke loves you and looks up to you so much that he goes through a little phase of wanting to copy you, yourself and the entirety of Purgatory Hall can expect loads of temporary marker tattoos
#obey me#obey me! shall we date?#obey me headcanons#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me diavolo#obey me barbatos#obey me simeon#obey me luke#obey me solomon#I tried very hard to not show my blatant favoritism#mission failed#for the most part I didn't actually describe any tattoos so people can have their own interpretations#but if anybody is interested i have ideas on what everybody's would look like
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Oh my gosh so I also headcannon Jack as autistic! But im not comfortable with writing it yet because idk how. Im not autistic; my little sister is and i know a few things jack could have trouble with... but hes a grown ass man so i just dont know. Im definitely taking notes on what you write him as but could you give me some pointers?....maybe?
Im mostly referencing to Bitter with this
aaaa yeah it definitely presents differently in adults who've learned to mask, personally I don't plan to put certain things in specifically to talk about how he's autistic, I write with the background knowledge of what traits he displays, and then express them when relevant, it's relevant a lot with Jack simply due to how much it affects his life
now this is going to get long, so bare with me, because this is a whole lot more complicated than you might expect
there's really no one correct way to write Jack, since there's no one way that autism presents itself, the way I write him is based on a mix of myself and some people in my family, so I can give you a basic idea of what angle I personally come from
for one, I change the way I write about facial expressions and how emotions come across to Jack, in Jazz's chapters I'll write about the exact emotion she can see on their face, with Jack's I'll go with an obvious base emotion, but then if the person is expressing something more complicated, I'll describe their face in physical details
eg;
Jazz POV - Danny was upset, but his face was tight with frustration
Jack POV - Danny looked sad, but his eyebrows were furrowed and his mouth was set in a hard line
it's a subtle difference but it's one I try to maintain throughout Bitter, Jack's POV is based on how I have trouble reading non-obvious expressions, although in my case I also have trouble looking people in the face when I talk to them, that's harder to write in an emotion driven POV story, so I made Jack better at that than I am
his interest in machines is quite obvious, since he's an inventor, and he looooves infodumping on people, he gets very excited about his passions very quickly and his mouth runs off with him, something I also have trouble with, it hasn't been a prominent trait for Jack in Bitter, because he's so out of his element he's mostly confused and in a way, almost grieving his own death, so he's been far quieter than he usually is
his special interest is obviously ghosts and machinery, and in Bitter I cover that he's got a degree in engineering, physics and mathematics. He's good at them, I like to look at it as though Jack rolled high in intelligence and low in wisdom, he's book smart, he knows things that are straightforward and have firm rules, he's less comfortable in topics that are more wishy washy and vague, biology is complicated and has too many variables, he finds it difficult to grasp, there's no one standard rule that applies to every body
I also struggle with vague and unclear directions, I need a solid structure and clear instructions, my strength is in sorting, organising, alphabetising and colour coding, I like things to Look Right, I stick to a particular routine with very specific things, and it's viscerally uncomfortable and even distressing for me to have that order disturbed, I nearly had a meltdown at work because someone had done a part of my job incorrectly, and I had to fix it, it made me genuinely upset on a personal level, it was MY system, NOBODY should be touching it, NOBODY should be moving things around, they do anyway, and I spend a portion of my shifts just frustrated and on edge because of it
Jack also has issues socially, he often says or does things that other people find uncomfortable or embarrassing, I reference that in Bitter, where Jack assumes everyone is mad at him because he said or did something stupid, this I have much experience in, while in the middle of a social situation it's easy to just do what comes naturally to you and not realise it's off putting to other people, because people often play polite and you can't tell that they're uncomfortable, even though people around you find it painfully obvious
sometimes it's easy to see in hindsight after you've been told you made something awkward or uncomfortable, but in the moment if nobody says anything about it, you can remain either totally oblivious, or become anxious and second guess every interaction you have
Jack is the oblivious type, he's fortunate to live in a family that is fairly understanding, they might get frustrated with him, or embarrassed by him, but they don't really take it personally, they KNOW he means well, they know he cares, and Jack does care, he cares a lot, he feels things a lot, he's incredibly empathetic
this is a trait that a lot of media likes to ignore in depictions of autism, because I guess it makes people with autism seem 'too normal', when tv shows always want to be like 'hey wow look at this clever asshole! isn't he clever, but also an asshole! but you can't hate him because he's ✨autistic✨ and he can't help it'
that bothers me a lot, I mean some people with autism do have trouble relating and empathising with people, my brother is one of them, but some people with autism really empathise a lot, some of us feel things very strongly, I'm highly empathetic and it's a real struggle to cope with
so yeah, it is a very complicated thing, so you need to go in with an idea of what their character struggles with, how it affects them, and when it's relevant in the story, also autism falls on a very wide spectrum, some people, like myself, are able to mask well, but that creates a big issue with identity, when you start to wonder how much of you is real and how much of you is mask, then you have to decide if you want to lower that mask and accept the social consequences of expressing yourself naturally
I have a friend who presents a little more obviously, he's very rigid in his ways and he talks like he's reading from a script, I have another friend who can socialise just fine, but will go into a total meltdown when a plan gets derailed and she doesn't know what to do next
another friend I have is highly social and incredibly boisterous, she stims with her whole body, dances around a lot, she's chaotic and that can be off-putting to people, she's had to spend a lot of her life holding that back, she's only recently started learning how to be herself shamelessly
my brother was incredibly social when he was younger, and people always really loved him, but most of that is mask, he's socially anxious and just wants to be alone most of the time, and he's a total prick to his immediate family, I don't take that personally any more, since now I understand that he's so blunt and brutally honest because he isn't masking with us, but also he still needs to be called out when he oversteps, autism might be why he has difficulty empathising, but it's not an excuse to be a complete asshole, even people with autism need to be called out on shitty behaviour, it isn't a get out of jail free card, our self expression shouldn't come at the cost of hurting other people, most of us are more than capable of learning to not be an asshole
I know this is like, A LOT, but these are the things that need to be considered when writing about autism, it is an all encompassing thing that permeates your entire life experience, I absolutely welcome people like you to try to write about it! Because I think it shouldn't be a taboo subject, and I appreciate that you asked for advice and that you want to do it respectfully, you've probably seen first hand how difficult living with autism can be, having a family member on the spectrum, so you already have some experience to draw from, I don't know your relationship with your sister or how old she is, or where on the spectrum she falls, but if possible you can ask her about her experiences in particular situations that you're having trouble writing, if that's something you and she are comfortable with
I hope this helps, just remember to keep an open mind and listen to any feedback you might get, it is very VERY easy to misrepresent autism so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't quite get it right, if someone gives you a critique, take it in stride and use it to become better ~ you can even express that in an authors note, that you want to write it accurately and invite anyone with experience to share their opinion, because like I said, it is different for everyone and my experiences are not universal, and you're welcome to run something by me every once in a while if you aren't sure about it ❤️
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here it is!! the fabled wc jojo fic!! enjoy!! (also pls note that this is a draft and i’m gonna fix spelling mistakes and stuff like that in the future, i am also always up for criticism, so if youve got things that will improve my writing skills don’t hesitate to talk to me!)
bruno shuttered as he awoke, the early light of the sun filtering through the small holes of his den. Almost immediately he remembered the dream he had the night prior. “Only the blazing star can blunt the claw. Seek of the cat with the sun in his pelt and the arrow in his paws.” he stretched and exited his den as he strolled into his makeshift camp,still thinking about the strange dream. Narancia and mista were sitting on his tree stump, but they quickly scrambled away when they saw him approach. ‘well even if im unsure about the dream i still have to investigate what polpo was talking about..” the spotted tom hopped onto the stump and let out a loud yowl. quickly and sluggishly, abbacchio and fugo rolled out to their dens to hear what the capo had to say. after settling on the tree, bruno began to speak. “ leaky eye luka has been killed,” he started, drawing his paw over his ears to clean off the fur. “ And so polpo has asked me to investigate for him.” narancia seemed to be the only one suprised about this. “i think he deserved it.” mista said as he turned over to narancia. “always sticking his nose in another tom’s business…” he got knocked over by the black cat as bruno sighed, raising to his paws gracefully amd walking past the other cats. he shot fugo and abbacchio a glance to let them know they were in charge before bounding over the brambles.
bruno could say with confidence that he had never lived in twoleg place, unlike the others in his team, he had always grown up a rouge. his heart lurched with nervousness as he stepped into twoleg place. there werent many cats around to tell him he couldnt pass, so he pressed on, keeping a close eye on the cat that was trailing behind him. he sniffed around, polpo had only told him to take a see around and tell him if anything was suspicious. so the only thing he could really do was take a look. he didnt even realise the stranger had managed to get ahead of him, washing himself as he sat on a brick wall. something immediately set bruno off about the tom, which is why he didnt approach further. the way the morning sun outlined his figure instantly made his eyes widen with suprise. ‘this cant be’ he shook his head before scrambling up the surface to sit with the young cat. he eyed him closely, noticing the fresh scars on his nose and chest. ‘oh yeah he definitely knows something.’After a moment the golden cat stopped licking himself, shifting uncomfortablely at the strange cat sitting next to him. suddenly, a fat bird flew into the gate they were sitting on, but bruno caught it before it could fall. “say..” he started. “if you found a heap of fresh kill, what would you do?” he questioned. instantly the golden tom perked up at the question. “id keep it! finders keepers if i say.” he responded, sharpening his claws on they frayed wood. bruno purred in delight. “but what if that fresh kill belonged to a lion? then what would you do?” he pressed. “Easy! id take half and leave the rest for him, a cat’s gotta eat you know.” he smiled. The black cat forced himself to laugh, “y’know i really get the sense that you would! at least you didnt lie!” he chuckled “ ive got a special knack for finding out when people are lying, and i usually don't make mistakes” he confessed. “ have you ever noticed when you lie that your ears often twitch?” bruno excitedly flexed his claws. “but what’s important is your scent,” his nose quivered with anticipation.
“alright,” the fluffy cat stood up. “ who are you?” he questioned. soon the friendliness turned to suspicion. “Leaky eye luca got his eyes clawed out by his own paws and was found near the outskirts of the twoleg place.” he snarled, following the golden cat on the other side of that gate. bruno leaned in closer. “ its critical and its looking like he’s never going to make it.” he glared harder. “And ive been sunt here to seek out the culprit! so lets..talk.” The tabby flicked his tail absently, definitely considering making a run for it. “ No cat in the slightest even has an idea why he has on that side of twoleg place. But a young she cat told me that a tom named Giorno Giovanna was around there. So if you dont mind id like to have a chat about that.” he sat down, keeping a safe distance from him. “ Just a chat huh? are you apart of the no tails or what?” Bruno lashed his tail in irritation. “Luca wasnt just some rouge, he was a mafioso, and many cats had reasons to do away with him. He actually had a gift for being hated. But that is not how my boss is electing to see this situation.” he unsheathed his claws, pointing at giorno. “A member of the family has been slain, and what honor he had has been traded off. Thats why he has chosen me to find the unlucky cat who did this, and sort out anything around this mess..” he inched closer. “so make this easy and cooperate, understand? Did you meet up with leaky eye luca at the airport?”
“leaky who? ive never heard of him.” the world seemed to still as they both started at each other, like a fight was gonna break out. but in the end, bruno backed off.”You're ears arent twitching. All right, I'll believe you. That does it for my questions. Sorry to have bothered you, Giorno Giovanna.” bruno turned on him, padding back into the labyrinth that was twoleg place. Giorno sighed, turning his attention on his paw, that was unusually clenched. as he unclenched it, he came upon a horrific sight.
#writing#warrior cats#jojo's bizarre adventure#giorno giovanna#jjba giorno#jjba vento aureo#vento aureo#bruno buccellati#bruno bucciarati#jojo bruno#leone abbacchio#jojo fugo#pannacotta fugo#narancia ghirga#guido mista#warriors fic#jojo fic#im gonna continue it dont worry!!
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I see stars
summary:
Imagine getting drunk at the feast of starlight , and becoming over happy,and dancing like the complete opposite to what elves are used to. Leasts just say Thranduil is more than impressed.
translations:
rukhs shirumund caragu=beardless orc dung
warnings:two boners
wordcount:2356
After the dwarves and you were taken prisoner,Thranduil had kept you with him once he sent Thorin to the cells for refusing his offer. Before he was even able to begin to talk to you the dwarves had escaped,theu had left a note which the guards handed to Thranduil ,who read it before passing it to you. His face was unreadable you didnt know what to expect,as the scrap paper was upon your hands. The rushed note had read:
"Our friend from strange lands,
your journey ends here, come vist us in erebor once it IS safe,not now,we cannot afford to lose anymore family.
much love,
ps Thorin says if you get the chance near that rukhs shirumund caragu lowers,bite it off."
Your face lit up with embarrassment,knowing Thranduil had known what Thorin was implying for you to do,it was a good idea,but hiding a knife in your vagina and then chopping it off with that. That seemed like a better idea,what if you had his coxk in your mouth,and you bite it off and then you choke to death on it,it happened to dean winchester just with a sausage. You looked up to the king ,you was watching you intensely. "Thank you." you had spoke quietly,folding the note placing it in your front pocket of your jeans.
Yes you were still wearing your clothes from home,you had cleaned them last at a stream,but when you had first joined the company ,they had given you spar tunics , blankets and such. You had known them since you fell froma portal ,four feet from the ground infront of the company. They had grew to think very fondely of you ,and protected you from all danger.Now you felt very insecure with out them around ,especially when this king seemed very scary.
"what for?" Thranduil had questioned you circling ,your body ,you had crossed your arms and faced the floor. "for allowing me to have that note from my friends." he had stopped circling to look at you ,he liked you not like that at least not yet,you were being held captive yet you were treating him with kindness.
He hadnt kept you in a cell,infact he given you a room,it was locked at night and such incase you tried to kill him. In a few days you had warmed up to the king,but now erebor was reclaimed and he qould be going to reclaim his jems. You had practially begged him to take you with,so you could see your friends. He didnt like the idea,but then you started crying,you enjoyed the kings comapny when you would eat with him and such ,but you couldnt not go especially if you could prevent somes death. In the end he had agreed and sat you infront of him on his elk,you were excited to see your friends ,you just hoped Thranduil wouldnt kill them. You had been shy with Thranduil at first ,but you soon found out he was very nice,and you came out of your shell.
That led you to be literally bouncing on the elk once you had arrived infront of erebor ,with Thranduil having to have his arm around your waist,which led you to be very close to each other. He had to tell you to stop,as nice as he could,you hadnt realised you had caused the king a little problem.Which luckily his outfit hid,he didnt tell you that was why,he had just stated someobe might aim for him and then hit you with an arrow. Bouncing looked like yeah. You had spotted Thorin whos gaze lingled on you ,he thought Thranduil was using you so they wouldnt try kill him.
However you smiled widely up at Thorin. " Thorin! Your crown looks very lovely on you!" you had shouted up at the king ,who sffered from dragon sickness,his mouth twitched slightly before turning back into a frown. "You are fooling around with an elf?and an elf thats him?" he had scoffed in disgust at you,your face fell. "no,thorin." you had been hurt at his words,thranduil had tighted his grip on you waist,protectively.
Once you had found out that Thorin and his best fighters had been led into a trapped ,you had forced Thranduil, totake you there and help save them. In which had surprisingly did,you also may have used your sons also heading there ,what if he gets hurt and you couldve saved him. You ended up jumping on azog's back ,legs around his waist stabbing him in the back with daggers,so thorin could go for the kill;you literally looked like drax. Now your life was complete ,you looked awesome,you had also saved fili and kili. Darn Fili deserves more screentime. Azog had flipped you over his shoulders ,slamming you into the ice,strangling you with one hand and blade in another sending a slice up your arm, You had just became loki ,being slammed by hulk,and now you needed stitches. "I...c-can...see..y-your cock." you had to try to speak,face red,unable to breathe.giving Thorin the chance to end his life.
Thorin pushed azogs body away from you,pulling you into his arms. "you are very much crazy ,y/n and for that I will be forever in debt to you as you saved my family and I" he spoke stroking your hair, as you gained your breath back,your neck was definitely was going to be bruised. "I ...r-repaid..my debt for keeping me safe in this strange world all those month,plus i got to see that majestic hair everyday." you reached your hand up,to his hair,running your fingers through it, "i am really sorry for saying what i did earlier, I do not want you getting hurt that was all." he spoke sincerely to you. "dont worry little man,no one has taken my innocence." you smirked in which Thorin smiled at you in relief before carrying you bridal style to erebor to find oin,trying to avoid hurting your bleeding upper arm.
That was until Thranduil stopped him on his elk,his eyes wondering over your injured form,you smiled at the king. Thranduil knew he had to take you home with him,he had felt things he had never felt before ,even with his now dead wife. "let me take her back with me,to the woodland relm,we have the finest doctors." he had spoken sternly,Thorin had scoffed in response. "oin is the best in erebor!" he had growled,he didnt want you with an elf at all. "more like the only one." Thranduil had annoyed Thorin with this,his stomach bubbled with anger. "Thorin, its fine I have to go back anyways ,I left belongings there." you tried to convince the dwarven king,however he was stubborn,so it would take more than that. "i will buy and have you made new belongings." he really didnt want you to go,he felt like it was his duty to protect you,he thought of you as a daughter almost.
"Thorin , I will come back,and if not straight away, I will write." you had jumped down from Thorins arms ,before hugging him tightly,and pulling away. Your eyes watered ,as you looked at back at Thorin who's did the same ,as Thranduil lifted you up onto his elk infront of him.
Also you forgot to mention,Tauriel fell off a cliff , rip. Legolas was going away for a while,but promised his father he would try to visit on the feast of starlight. Thranduil had comforted you saying Thorin was safe ,there wasnt any huge chances that something could happen to him while you were gone,you would be able to see him again. Anyways that was many months ago and you wrote to the dwarves and bilbo often,Thranduil would even get elves with drawing talents to draw you so you could send them back for Thorin and Bilbo. Bilbo had requested it. But tonight was the feast of starlight,Thranduil had you a dress made ,and fitted , it was mint green,come to think of it looked exactly like Arwen's dress in return of the time. Maybe you become friends with her tonight ,and gift it too her in the future as she loved it so much. wink wink. Thranduil had personally came to chambers,and walked with you to the feast. Yeah so you had been staying in the woodland relm way longer than you had thought you would have been staying.
Thrandul had sat on the end of the table ,while you sat at the side of the table next to him,there was many high elves at the table such as celeborn,Elrond,Lady Galadriel,and many others,you could barely remember any of there names. However there had been wine,you were barely an adult ,let they kept topping up your glass ,no one told you how strong elvish wine was. You were tipsy very quickly,you didnt make much conversation with anyone as you very nervous of saying something innappropriate. Soon as you all had entered the hall ,the music filled your ears it was quiet boring music. So you just lingled around Thranduil , drinking wine ,which was everywhere ,soon you were very loose ,and very close to Thranduil. Basically jumping around him, that was until a slightlly up beat song started playing. "Thranduil I am going to go danceeeeee." you had spoke excitely ,gripping the kings arm he had simply nodded.
You had skipped off to the dance floor,letting out a "wooooooo" hitting your fist in the air,Thranduil watched you as you tucked a part of your dress into your short legging shorts,he had gasped at your action as your whole thigh was revealed. You began dancing like you were doing just dance to umbrella,singing the lyrics,pointing to Thranduil ,gesturing him to join he shook his head,you shrug at him. You had learnt this not only because of tom holland but as a child you loved just dance and memorized the movements.
"you have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby, 'cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you, I'll always share"
you had began,as the elves had changed the music to suit the music , you smirked at heart you had gestured to Thranduil,who's face was a beet,he couldnt deny he liked it.
"When the sun shine, we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh
Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh
Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"
you gestured under your dress before ,winking at Thranduil,before pulling the dress off swiftly,causing the elves to gasp ,leaving you in a tight black corset from Thorin and black shorts,you threw the dress at Arwen mouthing keep it.These fancy things
"Will never come in between
You're part of my entity
Here for infinity
When the war has took its part
When the world has dealt its cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart."
You strut over Thorin ,high and might ,getting very close ,before turing and dropping your ass slightly grazes him ,before flicking a leg out then bring it back in and doing the same with the other. Before standing up quickly,facing him wipping the back of your hands down his face before going back the dance floor.
"When the sun shine, we shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath, I'ma stick it out to the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh
Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh
Under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh"
Thranduil stares at you,licking his lips at your performance,he was deeply attracted to you there was no doubt about that. You skin glittering in the light as it reflected onto your sweat,
"It's rainin', rainin'
Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'
Baby, come here to me
Come into me
It's rainin', rainin'
Ooh, baby, it's rainin', rainin'"
you finished off ,voice hurting slightly,before grabbing a glass of wine chugging it,bow at the elves that claped for you, smiled brightly,they hadnt seen anything like that ever. You didnt get to anything else before Thranduil practically run at you. You had revealed you love Thranduil ,in your song, He cupped your cheeks gently with his large hands before he pressed his soft lips against yours ,the elves around you clap around you,as you both kiss passionately.
"will you marry me,y/n?" he spoke once you both pulled away,you nod eagarly before pressing your lips to his quickly,you bow once more before pulling out of the hall,he thanks everyone for coming as you walk out.
lets just say you dont bite his cock off,you went to visit Thorin with Thranduil the next day , they put aside their differences for you ,as Thranduil tells them about your stunt ,not about the boner he hid when you slut dropped infront of him.
#the hobbit imagine#the hobbit x reader#the hobbit x you#thranduil imagine#thranduil x reader#thranduil x y/n#thranduil#the hobbit imagines
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AAA FUCK I JUST REALISED U ALSO WRITE FOR RONALD WISSIANLA COULD U DO IT FOR GRELL AND RONALD U DONT HAVE TO THO 💕💕
Absolutely!! Umm this one kinda ran away with me, we’re well over 2000 words. Enjoy!
Masterlist
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The sun was shining down beautifully this morning. London’s streets were busy as ever with pedestrians, full of traffic and the city’s general air of bustle. Your hand rested lightly over the zipper of the small bag you were carrying, sunglasses perched over the bridge of your nose. You barely had to think about where your footsteps were taking you; you knew the route to your favourite coffee shop so well.
There was a spring in your walk, excitement practically radiating off you as you neared your destination, looking forward to seeing your boyfriend. He was always so busy with work, you barely ever seemed to meet up face to face. Of course he spent as much time as possible on the phone, texting you when a call or facetime wasn’t acceptable. You even had the feeling that he did it on the clock, when you were certain he wasn’t supposed to, not that you would ever tell that to anyone else. It felt somewhat nice to have a secret only kept between the two of you and it would be a lie to say that the thought that he would break the rules of his workplace for the sake of talking to you didn’t make you go all warm inside.
The bell above the coffee shop gave a happy tune as you opened the door and you waved to one of the girls behind the counter. Throughout the time you had been coming here, you had built up quite the friendship with Meg, who had memorised your order after knowing you only a week. Your eyes scanned the various tables, both those with a higher stance surrounded by stools and the shorter ones with soft leather armchairs dotted in between them. Your eyes lit up when they met a sparkling green gaze boxed behind black framed glasses. Your boyfriend put on a charming grin, the one he knew would make you melt, and gave you a two-fingered salute.
As soon as you made your way over to the table he had picked out - your usual one - he jumped up to press a kiss to your lips, a hand curling around your lower back and the other reaching up to card back through your hair. You couldn’t help but laugh at the PDA, Ron was nothing if not proud of showing physical attention. You didn’t mind all that much, especially not in this specific place. It was almost like a second home at this point.
“Got your favourite,” Ron grinned, throwing a casual thumb over his shoulder in the general direction of a steaming mug full of what was, in fact, your favourite. You returned the broad smile, sitting down in the chair next to his and cradling the mug close to you. Your other hand reached over and intertwined with his, resting on the arm of his chair. You chatted away for well over an hour, intermittently sipping away at your drinks and watching the city go by through one of the large windows on the shop front. Meg had taken a break around 20 minutes ago and quickly rushed past your table, giving each of you a quick hello.
You got around an hour and a half overall, which was most certainly a rare treat, but it ended all too soon. It was with a frown and disappointed sigh that Ron turned to face you, fingers still laced together. You knew just from the look on his face what he was going to say.
“M’ sorry, sweetheart, duty calls,” he murmured, undeniable sadness flitting through his eyes. You gave a sad smile of your own nodding quietly. It quickly widened into something happier though, the feelings of the morning’s walk coming back to you.
“I know. It’s alright though! I mean we had all morning together, that hasn’t happened in ages!” He shook his head slightly, eyes sparkling once again.
“Always so optimistic, you know that?” You thought for a moment, deciding there was only one appropriate response for his words.
“Love you, Ron.” He leaned his head to the side, teeth flashing in a grin as he ran his fingertips through his wild locks.
“You know I love it when you call me that.” You did. That was the name you called him by most often. He reached over to pull you in, leaving a kiss on your lips then moving to hover his lips above your ear, his voice a mere whisper as your heart beat frantically in your chest.
“Love you, too.”
It turned out to only be a few hours later when you saw him again. You had spent a decidedly relaxing day wandering around the city, every so often taking a picture or inspecting something in a shop window. You had just made it into a secluded street, one you picked up your pace to get through as you realised there were no pedestrians. You were about halfway down when a flash of metallic red in an alley to your left caught your eye, followed by someone taking a sharp breath and a clipped heel landing on the pavement. The shoe was a pristine white Oxford, and paired with the crisp black three-piece, you were fairly certain you knew who it was. Your steps increased in speed again, this time with excitement. It was when you saw his mop of two-tone hair that you allowed yourself to break into a run.
“Ron!” You called out, smile settling over your lips. You were too happy to consider why he would even be in this area of London. Whilst you knew his job was important, he had never exactly given you the specifics. When he turned to face you fully, it was with his usual flirty grin and an extended hand, covered entirely in a black glove. However, the closer you got to him, the slower you moved. A feeling of dread spread throughout your body as you took in his beautiful face, now marred with a clean flick of crimson. Your eyes then travelled to whatever he had hoisted over his shoulders, casually and like it weighed nothing. You could hardly believe what your eyes were telling you, but it looked like a lawn mower. There was a sickening dripping sound emanating from the blades and you swallowed hard. You stopped walking entirely when you caught sight of a black boot lying on the ground, just visible from the alleyway it was protruding from. Ron’s face had fallen now too, but as he followed your eyeline, every feature drained to deathly pale. His eyes widened into shock and he looked as if the weight of the world had just been dropped onto his shoulders.
“I - oh, no I - Y/N…” he whispered in strangled voice. He looked like he felt sick. You certainly did.
“What’s… what’s that?” You asked, horror permeating every nerve as you forced yourself to walk closer. “Who’s - that?” He seemed as shocked as you were.
“Y/N I never told you … how could I not have though to tell you?” You were within arms’ reach of him now, close enough to realise that the person lying on the ground, hunched with a knife still protruding from her abdomen, was none other than Meg. Your hand flew to your mouth as your eyes began to mist over. Helplessly, Ron extended a hand to attempt to touch you, to do something, anything. You stepped back immediately, palm flat in a useless attempt to defend yourself.
“What the hell have you done?” Your voice wavered, but it was stronger than you were expecting. “You-you killed her?!” Rationality and caution were thrown through the window as an indescribable rage overtook you. Before you knew it, you were throwing yourself at the man before you with all the strength you had, hands fisted so tightly you were certain your own nails were drawing blood. Your punches landed uncontrollably on his face and chest; you barely even heard the clatter of his weapon being discarded.
Ron caught your wrists easily to end your attack. Your logical mind knew he would - he was considerably stronger than you. That didn’t stop you from struggling. He was calling your name, trying to bring your attention back to him but all you could see was red. That was until you glanced past his shoulder to see the body of your friend. When the gravity of the situation hit you, all fight fled from your being, leaving your muscles weakened and the breath leaving your lungs in heaving pants.
“You killed her,” you muttered, spite rising in your voice as Ron held your arms out to the side. It occurred to you that he was being careful not to hurt you, but that wasn’t much consolation.
“Y/N, please listen to me. I did not kill your friend, I swear.” You glared up at him from your slightly shorter stance, upper lip starting to curl into a sneer in spite of yourself.
“Really? Because it damn well doesn’t look that way,” you growled. Sarcasm and anger tended to be your defence mechanisms to cover up fear and pain, so you had well and truly fallen back on them now.
“Can I explain? Please?” You worried at your lower lip before taking the plunge and nodding. “This’ll be confusing and difficult to believe,” he started, “but I’m a grim reaper. I’m in the UK branch of an international organisation that works to collect the souls of the deceased. We don’t kill them ourselves, though it’s easy to see why you would think that, we just assess and collect their souls.” Your eyes were starting to cloud over again as you mulled his words, a slight tremble setting up in your hands.
“So you’re saying you didn’t kill her … someone else did?” His expression turned sympathetic as he nodded.
“I’m so sorry.” You blinked and swallowed, gritting your teeth and trying to clear your mind. All you could feel now was grief.
“Hey, hey…” Ron murmured, grip loosening entirely as his hands travelled from your wrists, up your arms until they came to rest lightly on your shoulders. He knew you believed him when you didn’t pull away, but his eyes were still full of sadness for you and disbelief that telling you what he was had entirely slipped his mind. “C’mere.”
You practically fell into his arms, face buried into his neck as a sob broke from your throat. Ron’s arms encased you and held you tightly to his chest, his nose buried into your hair as he whispered sweet nothings to you, attempting to help you find comfort.
You had no idea how long you both stood like that, no concept of the passing of time, but eventually your tears dried up and your legs ached but you still didn’t want to move, because as soon as you did, Ron would give you the same look as this morning and say he would have to go back to work, however much it hurt you both. Then, as if he had heard your thoughts, he asked what you wanted to do. You answered without moving back to look at him.
“I want to go home,” you confessed, “but I don’t want to be alone.” He nodded understandingly.
“Your place or mine?” It took you a while to reply, shocked as you were that he had implied he would stay. Your arms tightened around him.
“Yours would be good…” you whispered. You found the smell and homeliness of his apartment comforting, not to mention that he didn’t have an intricate glass bowl Meg bought for him in the hallway as you entered his home.
He nodded again. You closed your eyes for a moment, only to open them and think you were hallucinating. You thought you were standing in his flat.
“It’s teleportation, love, that’s all.” You were too tired to question it. Ron dropped the weapon down and left it to one side. He swiped at the blood on his cheek then discarded his gloves over its handle, turning around just as quickly to face you again. He stepped closer, fingertips brushing your elbow.
“What can I do?” He murmured, trying to catch your gaze. When you did look up, you found yourself unable to look away again.
“Please just hold me.”
He leaned down immediately to press you against him, bringing you with him as he moved towards the sofa against the back wall. He turned towards you as soon as he sat down, an arm around your waist and the other behind your shoulders, holding you tightly to him. You crossed a leg over his, arms curling behind his back and closing your eyes, pressing your face into the join between Ron’s neck and shoulder. His hands traced circles over your sides and he let out a small breath, pressing gentle kisses into your hair.
You would sit together for hours like that, no need for speaking as you were both perfectly comfortable in each others’ company.
#black butler#black butler x reader#black butler reader inserts#black butler ronald#black butler ronald knox#ronald#ronald knox#ronald knox x reader#black butler ronald x reader#kuroshitsuji#kuroshitsuji x reader#kuroshitsuji ronald
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Fanfic year in review - 2019
yeah - i’m going to answer all these questions too. just watch me.
List of Completed Fics this year:
Keep Calm (Carry On, S/B and ensemble, Teen, 69k)
Sex and Blood (Carry On, S/B, Explicit, 16k)
The Sound of Silence (Carry On, S/B, Teen, 10k)
Coming Up For Air (Carry On, S/B, Explicit, 4k)
Hang the Moon (Carry On, S/B and ensemble, Teen, 30k)
The sky isn’t black anymore (Carry On, S/B, Explicit, 9k)
This is fine (B7, B/A and ensemble, Teen, 4k)
Total: 7 fics, 142k words - making it one of my most prolific years ever in terms of word count! (even though i wrote about 30k of ‘keep calm’ last year, which would take the total down to a more reasonable level).
i answer some questions about them below the cut...
Best/worst title?
Keep Calm is the best title, for sure, as it’s a role reversal of ‘Carry On’. The only bad thing about this title is that i love role reversal fics and i can never use it again. also... i guess as i got to the end i started to think... ‘Should i bring out this theme of calmness...? is this even a theme????’ It was a bit distracting, essentially.
worst title is ‘Sex and Blood’, which does what it says on the tin - can’t deny it. it’s supposed to be about how vampirism links the two things for baz, right? .... but i don’t like it. also - when people comment on it (thank you! please do comment on it! please keep reading it!) this stupid title that i wrote appears on my lock screen of my phone, which i just leave lying around at work.
but i know - i did it to myself. i should have thought of a better title.
Best/worst summary?
i don’t know if i already pointed this out on tumblr, but i noticed recently that all my ‘carry on’ fic summaries have a [Clause A - bad or good situation] but/or some other conjunction [Clause B - something happens that causes a fic to exist!] structure, except for ‘The Sound of Silence’.
Even having realised that, I’ve still written a summary with the same turn for my as yet unnamed bodyswap fic...
I think the best summary is probably ‘Keep Calm’.
Worst summary - Coming Up for Air, but I was trying not to give spoilers for Wayward Son. and it’s a PWP.
Best/worst first line?
generally i love my first lines, and hate my last lines.
i would say all of my 2019 first lines are indeed pretty good. ‘The sky isn’t black anymore’ is straight into being X-rated so i’m not going to quote it here in case that’s not your jam, but i like it a lot.
i also like: There’s something wrong with Baz. (Sex and Blood). Obvious - but, it works.
i don’t not like any of them, even the really long rambling first line of ‘This is FIne’.
i will call out the first line of ‘Keep Calm’ though, because i spent ages trying to work out how to punctuate it, and i still don’t know what i should have done. it currently reads: The Mage is waiting for me, outside the door to Mummer’s House.
depending on when you read it, though (and i’m sure you didn’t notice) it may have had no comma (The Mage is waiting for me outside the door to Mummer’s House.) or it might have been a dash where the comma was, or even - gasp - a full stop (because rainbow likes to break sentences into fragments so that’s ok).
i kept changing it. this may seem like a complete waste of time (and i think the right-right answer is that there shouldn’t be a break at all - no comma is correct), but i wanted the first sentence to FEEL like ‘the mage is waiting for me’ - the place is merely corroborative detail. the point is the mage is there, about to take simon away and change the plot. hence ... the punctuation.
Best/worst last line?
as i said - very few of my last lines are what i wanted. i have not mastered them at all. too often it’s just ‘this is where i ran out of story’. the worst is the ending to the ‘Sound of Silence’ where i literally resorted to ‘Carry On’ cliche to get out of it: And he kisses me.
it’s fine, it works - but i could have done better.
the actual ending line of ‘Hang the Moon’ is pretty good i think, but the pacing of that ending is all wrong. i’m much happier now i wrote a whole extra fic so the weight of everything ending isn’t on those final hundred words.
the BEST last line i wrote... the one that actually really works (for me) is ‘Coming Up For Air’. And I feel like I can breathe again.
Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?
apparently i wrote a lot - which i probably wouldn’t have predicted last year, although by this time last year i’d written ‘the mage’s heir’ and the first half of ‘keep calm’, which did provide much of the wordcount for this year. so - i guess if i’d thought about it, it would have seemed plausible.
first person helps me write long. and in b7 i learned to write long.
i guess i’m surprised because it felt like i wasn’t writing that much in comparison to some people in the fandom (and i probably still didn’t in comparison!) and i wrote several long things rather than many short things, so the list is still pretty short despite being MANY words....
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?
strange though it may be to say - i probably wouldn’t have predicted i’d write blake’s 7 this year. ‘never go back’ - that’s my motto. or rather ‘i can’t go back, my brain doesn’t work that way’. but good to have done it.
What's your favourite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.
hard to say. it’s a draw between ‘keep calm’, which i love because it did everything i wanted it to. and ‘hang the moon’, which is a collection of all my favourite tropes loosely disguised as a fic.
they’re also the two longest - and i tend to like the long ones better for reasons i have gone into before.
Okay, NOW your most popular story.
it’s pretty much a tie between ‘keep calm’ and ‘sex and blood’ - and since ‘keep calm’ was many chapters long, is earlier, and much more heavily promoted by self and the big bang, i’m pretty sure that means ‘sex and blood’ is more popular over all.
thank you fandom, for loving vampire porn as much as i do.
Story most underappreciated by the universe?
we all know (well, those of us who know what it is) that b7 is a tiny fandom, so with that in mind, i think ‘This is Fine’ is well appreciated! <3
the story that is (to me) surprisingly about half as popular as most things that i’ve written for ‘carry on’ is ‘Coming up for air’, which i have now re-linked for you in case you never read it.
it disproves the rule that shorter porny things will be more read (although obviously the vampire porn suggests the opposite). idk, i thought it would catch those who were in the post-wayward son crash, like i was.
the other thing to say here is that it was still extremely appreciated - i mean, it’s got about 50 times as many kudos as any of my b7 things, and overall i would say it is a thing that is well received. i know i’m fortunate to be friends with people who re-blog my stuff and people who comment, and i (in turn) really appreciate THAT.
so - it’s not a whine. just an observation
Story that could have been better?
i think i would have written ‘This is fine’ better if i’d written it five years ago. i definitely could have written a blake-travis mindlink to make the gods weep with its perfection ;) what a prompt.
i’ve talked about how i don’t rate the endings of ‘Sound of Silence’ or ‘Hang the Moon’ as well, so i think these could have been better. if only i was better at waiting.., and thinking of an ending. or just - if only i was better at endings.
Sexiest story?
i think that’s the one that has the word ‘sex’ in the title. because vampires are sexy. and so is informed consent.
Saddest story?
sad?? what is this SAD?
‘This is fine’ is quite sad given that it’s also about telepathic pornography. because we know everyone’s going to die soon.
and ‘Sound of Silence’ isn’t sad, at least i don’t think it is - but Baz certainly is sad while it’s happening.
Most fun?
i think ‘hang the moon’ is the most fun - because it has all the things that i like best happening in it. they fight some merwolves together, they go plate shopping, simon fights lots of people, fiona is there - it’s very fun.
Story with single sweetest moment?
hang the moon, probably. the bit with the moon.
although i was thinking... surely i should talk about ‘keep calm’ a bit - isn’t it my equal fav? and i was thinking - what is the sweetest moment there... and the answer honestly is that i think the sweetest moment is the bit where the mage and simon are gardening together and simon doesn’t know if their relationship is doomed forever ... AND THEN the mage tells simon they can watch some VHSes of lucy next time simon comes back and they dont hug, but it is ... enough <3
I’M SORRY - I LOVE AWKWARD FATHER-SON RELATIONSHIPS BEING REDEEMED.
Hardest story to write?
‘keep calm’ took me months and there were moments when i thought - fuck, this is not ending, and i hate not being able to talk to anyone about this because this fest is going on for months. and i was fortunate that i had the idea of emailing sharkmartini who i then did not know at all, and she was enthusiastic and getting that feedback made me think - ok, this is worth doing. i can finish this.
but also - i started writing ‘sound of silence’ immediately after the ‘mage’s heir’ finished and i eventually published it over a year later. because the device i’d chosen meant that simon couldn’t say or do anything for most of the bloody story. and that meant that nothing happened, baz, thanks for nothing, and it was very hard to write.
and ‘This is fine’ - i must have written it in a few weeks. so it clearly wasn’t that hard. but in comparison to back when i (though i) knew everything that Avon would ever think or say... it was hard.
Easiest/most fun story to write?
Coming up for air was the easiest story. i haven’t written anything else in a day for this fandom, although it is something i’ve done before, back in the day.
most of the others were also really fun to write, unless i put them in the ‘hardest story to write’ box. so, you know - about half.
Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?
i started to write ‘no’, but that isn’t true. writing ‘The sky isn’t black anymore’ shifted my perception of the way that i’d written Baz in ‘Hang the Moon’ i.e. my own fic (how wanky is that?)
most of the others are me putting things that i think about characters into words. so i did the thinking before, rather than during.
Most overdue story?
i wanted to post ‘This is fine’ on Gauda Prime Day and didn’t :( but i know bunnacula said that was ok ;) so i think the most overdue was the one that took me over a year to finally bother finishing.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
eeeeeer...
yes, maybe. i would say writing a happy ending for simon in ‘keep calm’ where the happy ending is that he gets a better relationship with his father (see above) as well as getting to go out with baz (whose happy ending is also not just about simon, but mostly is) is a risk in a fandom where everyone hates the mage so much.
and then i finally wrote my thing about how i think the mage is actually right about many things, and fiona is classist. what i haven’t ever said explicitly on tumblr, i don’t think (though i said it on LJ) is that another reason it is so much easier for me to be sympathetic towards the mage is that he literally is a version of roj blake (the main character of my old fandom and my personal fav). obviously the mage is a blake who is a bit more autistic and significantly further off the deep end on the ‘greater good’ scale than blake ever was. but blake even also dresses like robin hood and is from wales. i haven’t said this before because i feel like it cheapens my semi-championing off him/might make people who really can’t tolerate the mage think ‘wtf? is aralias mental? why does she like roj blake so much?’ to be fair - lots of people in b7 hated him too.
ANYWAY. what i learned from that is - these are the stories i want to tell and no one got upset, so that is awesome and i shouldn’t be so worried about what people think before i know what people think.
i also wrote vampire porn, but i didn’t consider that a risk. because i knew that sharkmartini would love it - and that was one person and that was enough. are we all going to write more vampire porn in 2020? i hope so.
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most:
good question but hard to answer.
i think the theme is ...... possibly influenced by ‘wayward son’..... poor communication is bad; good communication is good. maybe?
and the fic that most demonstrates this is one that i have the most problems with, and that’s ‘The Sound of Silence’ where simon literally can’t communicate for the first half of the fic. and then baz solves his own problem by saying ‘sorry’ and giving back simon’s voice.
‘The sky isn’t black anymore’, which i really like but feel i haven’t talked about much (it’s an unproblematic fav!) feels very similar and in fact i struggled to make it less about communication/saying what you want than it kept wanting to be. because i was thinking - this isn’t the problem of the fic! the problem is that it’s all too fast, right? but actually - and here we come back to the learning about the characters - it was both.
because baz is a character who doesn’t communicate. and, like simon in ‘sound of silence’, he was also shut out from the POV in ‘hang the moon’.
What are your fic writing goals for next year?
write more! i want to get my ‘wayward son’ bodyswap out the door before the end of february..... maybe even january, but february sounds very achievable.
i have to finish my zine fic and then lop about 2000 words out of it, probably.
i want to write another epic thing that is also about politics and vampires. it’s the one where natasha is alive, as well as other things. the problem with this one is that while i know a lot about it, i dont know exactly what the arc is - and i’m bored of re-writing simon giving up his magic to fix the humdrum (which i did... once... but i guess that was too often). so i have to try and work out what the climax is if it isn’t that - and i like to know the ending before i start...... but. my goal is to figure these things out and then write it.
vampire porn - obvs.
aaaand - for all of us: i will run a remix! oh yes, i will run a remix. ‘carry on big bang’ (which i definitely won’t do, it’s too solitary for me and too slow, alas - even though i keep thinking ‘i could do my vampire thing! it’s long’. it’s got to be a no) and the zine are in the first half of the year....... and i’m busy and stuff. so i thought it was going to be in december - but now i’m probably going for sign ups in march, post in may. I LOVE REMIX. i’m excited already.
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This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing
Big vent/whats been going on
Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...
Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.
For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.
And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.
If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.
By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.
If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.
Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say
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Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.
I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.
My family didnt care.
When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.
My family didnt care.
I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.
But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.
Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.
I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.
My family did not care.
When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.
My family did not care
When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.
When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....
Is it me being dramatic then?
When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...
Am I a liar now? Am I insane?
When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.
My family didnt care.
When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.
My family didnt care.
Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.
When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)
They did not care.
My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.
My family did not care.
She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.
My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.
My family did not care.
My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.
Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.
All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.
Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.
These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.
Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.
I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.
Gone.
I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..
If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?
Ive layed out basically most of what I remember
A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...
I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..
If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..
I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.
Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.
I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..
Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.
I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.
I
CANT
LEAVE
And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.
I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..
I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..
Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.
Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.
Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.
I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..
If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)
And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..
Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...
Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just
I dont know what to do.
Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...
Im just tired..
#trigger warning#triggering#may be triggering#vent#emotional neglect#emotional abuse#suicide#suicide trigger#gore warning#memory problems#ramble#rambles
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For the director's cut thing, the story where Fabri asks Ermal out on a date but Ermal doesn't realize that? 👀
YO SO WE GONNA DO THAT OR WHAT
Its this fic btw if anyones curious.
Chap 1
Even with closed eyes, he sensed the man lying next to him turn towards him but Fabrizio did not spoke immediately. No, he just stayed silent for a bit, Ermal wasn’t quite sure what he was observing but before Ermal could ask, Fabrizio broke the silence.
its u. he’s gazing at u, u idiot.
*
*
’You didn’t exactly give off the vibe that you’d say yes’
“What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t give off the vibe?!”
mr no-homo meta has NO right to be surprised at that. boy went into a panic attack every time someone as much as breathed the suggestion ofc fab was Anxious
*
*
A certain Roman showing up at his doorstep looking like he’d belong to the Milan Fashion Week.A tight grey shirt whose top three buttons almost begged to be opened (yet remained miraculously, in Fabris case, closed!) clung nicely to the body underneath it. A very fine silver chain hung around his neck that perfectly fit with the rings and the watch on his hand.Instead of ripped denim, now tight & shiny dark jeans were worn and to round this look up, an impeccably tailored black, suit jacket was thrown over him.
so not to be Hoe on main but we all just love Sexy Fab. but more so, i really thought Fabrizio would have put a lot of effort into dressing nicely this time around. Probably called a few friends, crying to help him. He just wanted Ermal to like his look. Which he did. A lot. again, outstanding heterosexual of the year, ermal meta is completely mesmerised by that look.
*
*
“Well, well, Fab. Gotta say, this place is on a whole different level“ The curly haired man commented as he flipped through the menu.“You like it?”“How could I not?”
again, Fabrizio intentionally looking up a fancy place for their Date, something he actually felt a little bit uncomfortable about himself and wouldnt normally chose for himself. But then again, he was greatly relieved when Ermal actually did say he liked it.
*
*It felt.. nice. The whole evening was quite nice, Ermal had to admit, even with the unusual ambient.
Ermal is just honestly iconic in this fic. man enjoys fabrizios appearance, enjoys talking with him, eating out with him, just spending time with him in general sooo much……and yet.
*
*
Fabrizio tilted his head and was it the candle light or something else, but a intriguing shine filled his eyes.“I’d know something sweeter than this.” In the next moment, everything turned upside down when Fabrizio suddenly took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of the younger man’s hand.
THE COURAGE THIS TOOK. THE NERVES WHICH WERE WRECKED. Fab really just went “ok here we go balls to the wall now or never”
*
*
Chap2
“So, Fabrizio….Fabrizio likes me. Apparently.” It felt interesting to say it out loud. Ermal got a tingly feeling at the thought. So ..it was him who made Fabrizio blush earlier? Who made him nervous? And smiley? Christ, he actually really wanted Ermal to like his outfit, didn’t he? A small smirk found its way on Ermal’s face. Who would have thought that he’d have Fabrizio Moro of all people wrapped around his finger.
erm: so im het
also erm: wow i really really like the fact that fabrizio is into me. its actually super exciting. kinda makes me happy in a way.
*
*
“Wait, what?! I should ask him out?!”“Yeah? Isn’t that something you want?”Is that something he- But that would imply that he’d want to pursue Fabrizio, his very male, masculine, manly friend Fabrizio who was definitely not by any chance a woman. To have a relationship with guy that was …..romantic… and oh sweet Mother of God, sexual?!“I- I- I don’t know.”
so yeah, to get to the bottom of this, when you’re in the process of realising your own …..non-heterosexuality, its just A Lot to take in. I thought, realistically, that would just be a bit too much for Ermal to take in at that moment. He had to process the mere thought of “yes, you could have a romantic relationship with this guy, since he’s into you. Its absolutely a possibility”. When you’re conditioned to think “i can only ever date people of the opposite sex” all your life, it takes a bit of time to get accustomed to new possibilities.
And then theres the sexual aspect which is like, on Jupiter, for Ermal’s current state of mind.
*
*
Chap3
The video he currently was immersed in showed a slow-mo fight between a mongoose and a cobra that in all its intensity outdid any action movie in a heartbeat.
i remember watching that vid before writing that chapter and being mesmerised by it. u fucking go lil mongoose!
*
*
[Bizio]: sorry i cant this weekend
First, i just love the thought of him being saved as Bizio on Ermals phone. Second, the reason why he replied so late was because he was wrecking his mind about it. Should he go? should he not? god, the thought of seeing ermal excited him and yet scared him. nonononno. he’s trying to get Over Ermal. He needs space. he is not ready yet.
*
*
[Ermal]:Fabri!! Heard you’re coming up North! 😁 I have this excellent bottle of wine that a fan gave me the other day (don’t ask) so how about we open it at my place? I know you love a good wine 😉🍷
He couldn’t even slide the phone back into his pocket before it started buzzing. Surprisingly, the reply came almost instantly this time.[Bizio]:sorry no the schedule is pretty tight for me at the moment i dont think ill have much time in milan
i just image him getting the weirdest fucking fan gifts. also lmao the lightning speed with which fab replied. homeboy saw that wine would be involved and imemdiately thought “nononononono. worst case, my drunk ass might kiss him, god forbid. we are absolutely not gonna do that”
*
*
[Ermal]:So I’m flipping through the channels at home and there comes a baking show and I wouldn’t normally stop to watch but you know what they’re baking? Those creamy pastry things we had in Lisbon!
Now the idea about the Pasteis de Nata stemms from a real life event! During ESC 2018 i slept at a friends house and since the contest was held in Portugal we decided to cook something portuguese. Thats what we did. They fucking slap. Also, one of the best weekends ive ever had
*
*
However, this is how things continued as to all of Ermal’s messages, he’d receive rather uncharacteristically short replies. When he sent him photos he’d often not reply at all and even when he called Fabri didn’t pick.
Okay we have to image in WHAT kinda mental state Fabrizio is in that time. Boy is EMBARASSED to death. Then obviously, he is trying his hardest to get rid of this crush. So he just isnt talking to Ermal at all. Which in turn makes him lonely and sad. So then Ermal shoots him a message, sends him a picture and Fabrizio is immediately head over heels again. Which he shouldnt be. Bad Fabri. And the circle repeats itself.
*
*
Fabrizio who smiled sweetly at the host, who hugged her tightly, who joked with her and oh, whose eyes didn’t stick to her face but wandered more and more south.
Dude honestly, Fab was not flirting with anyone. He was just being nice as he usually is. And we all know he a lil bit sleazy so yeah, he might have looked down once or twice. but he really was not flirting. It was just Ermals affection-deprived mind going berserk.
Also that was the first time Ermal witnessed Fabrizio being affectionate with someone else. And the contrast to that cold shoulder he received was just the last straw for him.
*
*
“Why is he all smiley and lovey-dovey with her while he treats me as if I’m a war criminal?!” Ermal shouted the second the other line got picked up.“Uhm, hello? Maybe a ‘Good morning’ first of all? A simple ‘how are you doing, Sabina?’ would have been appreciated too.”
Damn bitch can ya greet ur sister first before going off smh
*
*
And would it have been really that bad if Ermal had just held on to his hand? Let Fabrizio gently stroke him with his thumb, maybe even squeeze back while Ermal’s finger draws circles over letters that covered the older man’s knuckles.It would have been nice and Ermal would have liked it.
I think he just needed to see what he was missing out to realise what he really has always wanted. If things were to go back to normal, he would have never made any realisations.
*
*
“Am I- Do I like Fabrizio?”
No, we dont ask what he is. Because thats for another time, a calmer time. Or maybe not at all. He doesnt know the answer to that question and its not important right now. All he knows is that despite it all, he likes Fabrizio.
*
*
The fact he was a guy was new, but those feelings involved weren’t.
I feel like this is just a very bisexual experience. At least to me it was. Its very confusing when u are genuinely attracted to the opposite sex, so you make the conclusion: you are obviously straight. Its not possibly that you are not-straight.
Then u start feeling attraction to someone of ur own gender and its like “hmmm. Obviously this must be fake since we have established that Im genuinely attracted to the opposite sex ”
But the thing is..it aint going away. And then u think how you’d perhaps be down for sex, and perhaps be down for something more, and perhaps do all those nice things you would be doing with someone of the opposite sex.
So yeah, its ..its really confusing and complicated to figure it out. And if you actually do have a feelings for someone it only makes matters more complicated ig
*
*
“Jesus, I really do like him. Me. Liking a guy.”
Again, once u made That Realisation, its just the WILDEST thing in the beginning. a complete NEW concept being applied to yourself.
*
*
“LISTEN CUT THE BULLSHIT I KNOW EXACTLY THAT YOU’RE HOME! OPEN UP OR I WILL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND!” In addition to the knocking he now also started ringing the doorbell. He sure as hell wouldn’t move here until that door wasn’t opened.“I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I WON’T EVEN SLEEP AND NEITHER WILL YOU. I CAN GO ON FOREVER YOU HEAR ME, FABRIZIO MOBRICI?!”
Ermal is just unhinged in all my fics.
*
*
Epilogue
[Ermal💛]: You ready?
Fabrizio added that heart right immediately after Ermal left his house a week prior.
*
*
Ermal looked….cuddly.
So yeah we all know Fab isnt the keenest on fashion and shit. And i just though Ermal would want him to be as comfortable as possible on their date, so he was like “ay come casual” . and also, its sort of cute that Ermal lets Fabri see him so casual too, its sort of more private in that sense.
*
*
And those were still the mild surprises, let’s not start with the downright shock he felt when his brain started providing words like kissable, attractive, sexy and hot during lonelier nights.
i have a fic for those kinda nights too
*
*
“It’s not that far and God knows men your age need the exercise anyway.”
ermal just cant show affection like a normal person, he has to roast u even when he’s madly in love with u
*
*
What followed behind the colourful door was a small chaos. Literally. People constantly coming and going, with buzzing voices chatting in every corner. They made their way half through the rather crowded establishment, got greeted by a waiter who rushed past them, before they finally spotted a couple leaving, liberating two chairs for them.
SO YEAH. the restaurant. it is loosely based on a place here in Vienna. Its pakistani food too, its a buffet, its kinda chaotic like described in the fic. also u can pay as much as u want.
i just thought, yknow, its home made cooking and its kinda relaxed and chill and casual and has a certain liberal flair to it. and i thought yeah that has fabri energy we gonna use that. also their mango rice puddings fucking slap
*
*
Languages were not his forte, those belonged to Ermal, but Fabrizio ran through his options. It surely wasn’t French or Spanish, that he would at least recognise. German looked different too; they had those dots over their U’s and those curly B’s which allegedly weren’t B’s at all. Swedish? Danish? No. He’s been to Ikea often enough to know that his wardrobe wouldn’t be called Qershor. And Russian had different letters but maybe it was something similar to Russian?
Okay, so I’m a known Slut for Languages. Fabrizio is not. I can pretty much recognise most European languages in written form at some point in a text. Fabrizio can not. Therefore writing this from the perspective of someone who really isnt into languages was kind of interesting and a bit challenging. I was just thinking ‘how would he recognise them when he isnt into them?’ And i think, in the end, i did it realistically.
*
*
“Is it like..Serbian? Croatian? Or something?” He mumbled while putting a piece of eggplant in his mouth but quickly realised the answer when Ermal almost spit out his water from laughing.“No, definitely not. I can guarantee you, it’s very much not Serbian or Croatian ‘or something’.” Ermal chuckled with a bright smile, obviously enjoying their little guessing game. “But you’re close. In a way.”
This is SO embarrassing but this whole language guessing game was just a setup to an inside joke I have with myself. So, for those who don’t know, I speak Serbo-Croatian. And I study Slavic studies. The first things they tell you in the first lesson of the Slavic Linguistics course is “Please, for the love of God, PLEASE, dont say Albanian/Hungarian/Romanian is a slavic language”. Apparently many europeans assume these languages are because theyre surrounded by slavic countries. BUT TO AN ACTUAL SLAVIC NATIVE SPEAKER, the difference is immediately obvious and so its quite comical when people assume theyre related languages. So i thought the reverse would be kinda funny to Ermal too.
*
*
“I can be anything the teacher wants me to be. A good student, a naughty student, whatever floats his boat…” He asked sultrily before winking at the man across of him whose higher brain functions seemed to have ceased at once and just gaped at him like a fish.
boys whole brain got fried when the sexiest man in italy started flirting with him. issokay, he was just shocked. fabrizio has never been flirty with him before, he’ll get used to it.
*
*
“I was just trying to give you the best date that I could.“At those words, the Roman frowned however."Wait, this was a date?!”
im just an asshole honestly
*
*
They giggled as they finally closed the gap between them going for a slow and deep kiss.
i just love them being all SOFT and in LOVE
*
*
“Erm, I- I have an instore tomorrow, I better be well rested.”His counterpart just huffed and raised an eyebrow.“So were you planning on staying up all night, huh?”
Fabs horn dog brain definitively went HmmmmMmm this is nice:) ..could get even nicer:) but no fuck, i have work to do tomorrow
*
*
“Love how you immediately forget about a good night’s sleep once you have a tongue in your mouth.”“Fuck off.”
He just got carried away as if u were complaining ermal smh
*
*
"I bet on everything I have that your password is 'liberoanita1’ so yes, I actually can.”
Parents culture is just using ur children’s names as all your passwords and we all know Fabri is that kinda parent.
*
*
All in All, i also wanna talk about how the epilogue mirrors the first chapter, but in a more successful light.
Fabrizio dresses for Ermal - Ermal dresses for Fabrizio
fancy place - more casual place
They take the car - they walk
Fabrizio takes Ermals hand on the open for everyone to see - Ermal takes Fabrizios hand under the table, in private
They eat their dessert seperately - they eat theri dessert together
they fall out - they become closer, kiss
they dont talk - they plan the next date
anyway thanks for reading and thank uuuuuu for this ask julchen
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1-50
oh my god dude
im gonna put this under a cut bc this is a lot. this is a ride, have fun i guess
1. Your first OC ever?god. its got to be Super Kitty. when i was like … an incredibly small child I used to draw comic strips about this feline caped crusader, who was friends with everyone in the city, and the comics always involved him stopping an evil banana man from stealing money from the local bank. He was paid with donuts for his service to the city. i still remember how to draw him.
2. Do you have a personal favourite among your OCs?i’d get arrested if I didn’t answer this with Bronze, probably… but really, they’re very important to me
3. Have you ever adopted a character or gotten a character from someone else?man, i cant remember! i really dont think i have… P:
4. A character you rarely talk about?there’s loads of characters ive never even posted a single picture of on tumblr, i wouldnt even know where to start asdf
5. If you could make only one of your OCs popular/known, who would it be? bronze is the easy answer, but… i guess that could also go to Servant or Westrin. Servant has a comic project in the works that basically stars him, sort of a series of one-shots about the things he’s experienced, i feel like that would be a good thing to take off and run with. Westrin’s just fun as hell, i love the guy.
6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?real talk now… there’s at least five different characters that i refer to as a whole as “bronze-tangential”, who started out as, “what would bronze be like if they were in this world?” and then becoming their own thing within said world because i just get stupid attached
its an epidemic
7. Are your OCs part of any story or stories?nearly all of them, actually. that’s the main reason i make characters, after all! too many to really go into specifics here, again P:
8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!not often, but i think Bronze and Westrin are the most common ones. unless playing a character in dnd, or running an npc in dnd counts… then a whole lot more hahaha
9. Would you ever be willing to give any of your OCs to someone else?it depends on the circumstances. i don’t really like the idea, though.
10. Introduce an OC with a complicated design? Westrin’s old getup is a pain to draw, and there was one other design i did that I cant find anywhere… whichever way, i dont often tend to draw super complicated things often
a couple fakemon ive designed though… heheh those can get pretty finicky
11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”? hmmmmmmmm my immediate thought was Eric Silverdale from a comic i was working on a few years ago. hes a darling, i want him to be my friend irl
12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lothow could you do this to me i love each and every one of all my friends ocs GOD the first one who comes to mind is @d20-official‘s Smith, whos Bronze’s friend… everyone in that DND party actually
13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs? Rated on a scale from “harmless” to “honestly somewhat frightening”: -Baromet (charming and quite friendly but definitely a kleptomaniac),-Westrin (demigod of bards and travelers), -XEN09 (a nonsense hacker), -Conny (needlessly contrarian and dumb as HELL), -Enza Colie (long fucking story but hes a good-for-nothing), -Hemlocke (mad scientist, chaotic evil), -Iris (AI and hacker, VERY bad), -The Terminus (glitch-in-the-matrix demon, chaotic evil), -and Sydd (the Queen of the Faeries, hopefully the danger there needs no explaining :’D)
14. Introduce an OC with a tragic backstory Mmm… there’s a few of them, most obviously Lent (whose background I did a short comic about). Basically his entire town got eaten by ghosts and turned into zombies, he only barely survived with a sliver of his soul left.
15. Do you like to talk about your OCs with other people?yes, i often discuss storylines and such with friends
16. Which one of your OCs would be the best at biology (school subject)? Probably Bronze’s dad! I don’t talk about him much, but his name’s Devon Reed, and he was a biotech developer specialising in android design.
I often describe him as being something of a reverse Arthur Weasley - a very fatherly scientist fascinated to the moon and back with the concept of magic.
17. Any OC OTPs? having trouble thinking of a lot of them right now, but there’s Eric + Lent & Naiadine + Tailias from Emerald Sigil, Avken + Baromet from my space campaign world, Sydd + Wyvv from my unnamed campaign world, and I’ve been considering Westrin + Servant as an interesting dynamic in Servant’s story
18. Any OC crackships? My character Bismuth and @autistictimeknight‘s oc Eros. Theyre so fucking in love, I love it. Its been awhile but I do still think about them sometimes.
As I recall, Eros is an empath, she can read other people’s emotions. But Bismuth is a robot, and Eros can’t read her. Because of this Eros can let go of her fear of unintentionally manipulating the emotions of her date, which would hold her back from most other relationships.
19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)Hey, meet Bronze! I definitely do not talk about them every five minutes, why would you say that.
Bronze was with me through two of the hardest years of my life so far, and being a DND character they grew with me, both as a fighter and as a person. They were non-binary before I started using those pronouns, they were the first character or person or anything who I fought someone about using the right pronouns for, they make a great icebreaker for if I want to see how someone reacts to non-binary pronouns …
One funny anecdote about Bronze is that when I first made them, their “gimmick” was that they would sometimes glitch out and mess up their speech, mostly because I wanted an excuse not to engage in the roleplaying (which I was very bad at). The interesting thing is that as I got better at interacting with the group, we both grew out of needing it very quickly.
I’m very proud of Bronze.
20. Do any of your OCs sing? If they sing, care to share more details (headcanon voice, what kind of songs they like etc)?Westrin is a bard! His singing voice sounds like Bill Wurtz and these are his theme songs.
21. Your most artistic OCProbably Westrin again, he writes a lot of songs… and Hallux is a game designer?
22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how? I honestly dont know… no-one talks to me about them, haha!
people use all manner of pronouns for bronze, though.
23. Introduce OC that has changed from your first idea concerning what the character would be like?I’m gonna go with Enza for this one. Enza Colie was originally written entirely because I wanted an antagonist for a short starring his sister, Jane Colie. But the more I fleshed out his reasonings for acting how he did and explored his character, the more I realised he’d make an even more interesting character if allowed to have a redemption arc, too.
I just want to state for the record that I was very reluctant to the idea, and he basically dragged his way out of the villain pit entirely of his own accord. I am dubiously proud of him, and also a bit scared.
24. If you could meet one OC of yours, who would it be and why?Probably either Eric (Big Man, Best Friend), Crocus (Mother figure), Reed (Father Figure), Westrin (hed just make a good friend u kno??), or Bismuth (she makes good conversation!)
25. The OC that resembles you the most (same hobby, height, shared like/dislike for something etc?)probably the homestuck fan-troll Hallux, but that’s mostly because they were based on a troll-sona I made awhile ago. They’re a hope/prospit game designer who is small and full of rage and love
oh, and there’s dave! dave’s a superhero speedster, existing in a modern-day superhero version of seattle. theyre idiot, just like me,
26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will? this is an interesting one… i don’t think ive ever had something Bad in a design ive done called to my attention by someone, but I did create my character Servant at around the same time I was first really expanding the diversity of my casts. (since i don’t talk about him often, a little context: he’s a magic spirit creature bound to human form to serve the royal family of the land and follow their orders.)
somehow, younger-and-more-stupid me managed to have the revelation that making this “eternal slave” character literally anything other than a white man, especially as a white author, would be Pretty Not Good. im … thats really, really not something i should pat myself on the back for, but i do consider it one of the biggest bullets dodged in my artistic career so far that i realised that not all representation is good representation so quickly, before i could make that incredibly, incurably stupid mistake.
after that, trying to make sure my characters and their presentations don’t harm anyone pretty much has become a paranoia. i don’t seem to have stepped on any toes yet, but when it inevitably happens, please let me know - i didnt know, and i want to fix it!
27. Any OCs that were inspired by a certain song? None that I can think of, actually! I don’t really do that often.
28. Your most dangerous OC? god damn it i have no idea!!! is it the terminus? glitch in the matrix god of chaos motherfucker?is it sarle? terrifying calculating scientist with the power of the soul at her fingertips ??? is it ares??? is it athena????? is it petra?????? the gatekeeper????
… actually, the gatekeeper might be it, if “dangerous” just refers to “the amount of raw power it can wield”. the Gatekeeper is a titanic entity that exists in interdimensional multiverse space, and its implied to have the ability to create and destroy entire universe bubbles at will. for what cosmic purpose, no-one knows.
at a more personal scale, though, literally all of the aforementioned characters are pretty bad to run into too.
29. Which one of your OCs would go investigate an abandoned house at night without telling anyone they’re going?god. Mina or Tawn. Tawn is the Indiana Jonesy type and probably dumb enough, but also competent enough not to get into too much trouble there. Mina would probably drag her friends along.
30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection? XEN09. No-one knows, because no-one knows xir personal identity. Xe absolutely does, though. It’s less of a secret if you know xir in person, but good luck finding out about it otherwise.
31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)dave just reblogs memes all the time tbh. they like to keep tabs on the ridiculous superhero news going on, and they show human jokes and cat videos to their alien gf. they dont really post or add to posts, but they talk in tags a lot.
32. Which one of your OCs would be the most suitable horror game protagonist and why? i want to say tawn because i literally just realised ive been imagining their voice as sounding like luigi this entire fucking time and i never realised until this exact instant
33. Your shyest OC?probably baromet. they prefer to keep to themself in their hideout, with their collection of shiny things. they don’t really enjoy trying to communicate much, mostly because they expect to get yelled at.
34. Do you have any twin characters?Yes! At least two sets;
- Crocus and Sarle. (x) (x) They don’t exactly have a very well-developed relationship, but they are both quite important to the plot of my campaign world, and they are both very interesting. Crocus is a motherly figure who just exudes friendliness, while Sarle is .. very much not that, a researcher studying very gruesome things and pushing the boundaries of reality.
- Jane and Enza Colie. I haven’t talked a whole lot about either of them here, but I’d rather leave their story to do the talking whenever I get around to it. Essentially, the both of them were intended to do the dirty work for their crime boss family, but Jane ditched to study medicine. Most of the conflict between the two of them comes out of Enza not understanding why she made the choice she did, and coming to understand how he’s been manipulated.
35. Any sibling characters? I can’t really think of any off the top of my head, I should … I should really work on that.
I can talk about Westrin, though. Westrin (a demigod of many things, but namely bards, travel, travelers, and people who are lost) often becomes close friends with mortals, sometimes practically adopting them. These people who consider him family, and people who have received his blessing, are able to use his surname, Brilanta, as their own if they choose. So I guess all of the Brilantas are siblings, at least in spirit.
Oh, and XEN09 has like, seven siblings. Xe is the second-oldest, and least remarkable.
36. Do you have OC pairs where the other part belongs to someone else (siblings, lovers, friends etc)? I already talked about Eros and Bismuth up there a ways in question 18, but I’ll talk about another relationship here. @autistictimeknight‘s character, Nova the Alchemist, is mentor and adopted parental figure to my character Munna. Munna … Munna isn’t a very good apprentice. She tries very hard.
37. Introduce an OC who is not quite human That’s most of them, I’m not quite sure what to say here. Bronze is an android? Bronze again? Westrin? All the aliens ??
38. Which one of your OCs would be the best dancer? man. uh. westrin or jean. or perhaps valencia.
39. Introduce any character you want ??? uhhhHHHhhHHH Lord Brillium is the reigning deity of the Cloud Kingdoms in the other campaign setting I’m working on. They represent light and the quest for knowledge, and spend most of their days in the Cathedral Observatory watching the stars.
40. Any fond memories linked to your characters? Feel free to share!one time bronze flew a hover-bike through the stained glass window in a cathedral blaring all star by smash mouth on their iguana
also one time bronze rickrolled a rakshasa demon and then pulled updog on it like, two minutes later
another time bronze scared off an entire army by pretending to be an automated security system
41. Has anyone drawn fanart of your OCs? If yes, maybe show a picture or two here (remember sources & permissions!)ive got a whole little folder on here from all you blessed people !!!! right now ive got a drawing quinn did of one o fmy characters as my lockscreen
but i think the one i’ll really never ever get over is this piece of Jane, by @rabendraws / @owoltron:
(i bet you thought i forgot about this, dude. dude. think again.)
42. Which one of your OCs would be the most interested in Greek gods? this is kind of a weird question, m, I feel like Bismuth would find learning about the mythos utterly fascinating, as would Tawn.
43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confesshaha. uh. i might.
aside from the entire “bronze-tangential characters” thing i mentioned awhile back, I tend to really like designing characters with hair color lighter than their skin color. it just looks so cool man. i love drawing freckles but dont put them on enough characters. i like really curly hair, but also really long and flowy hair. i like drawing triangular body types, and pointy/prominent noses.
44. Something you like about your OCs in generaluhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is a really vague question. m. m.
45. A character you no longer use?there’s old versions of characters, but a lot of my older ones have been somehow repurposed. I guess there’s Turien, my first-ever DND character, who’s just kind of sitting dead now. Haven’t really done anything with him other than a pretty recent tangential character.
46. Has anyone ever told you that you treat your OCs badly?Not that I can think of.
47. Has anyone ever (friendly) claimed any of your OCs as their child? Im certain it’s happened, but I can’t remember any specific instances.
48. OC who is a perfect cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pureSpring. spring knows nothing of th dangers of the world who is letting them into fights someon eneeds to stop this
(spring roll, hehe.)
49. Which one of your OCs would most likely enjoy memesim not sure what this question is asking since many of my ocs actively enjoy memes including but not limited to westrin, dave, bronze, xen09, iris, and doctor archersen
50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you wanti think. i think im going to pass on this one. i gave you the good old oc talk. your damn turn, yall:
if you have any questions about any of these guys feel free to shoot one at me!
thats all from me im tired and its one am. techskylander you absolute madman
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I’m calling you out for not knowing how to call people out
I saw a callout post for a problematic user the other day that was probably the worst attempt defamation I’ve ever seen. And this made me mad not because I thought the target was wrongly accused, but because there were like seven people giving their testimony to the abuse and yet it was handled so poorly that I doubt anyone who saw it would even believe them. This is pretty dangerous considering the person in question was an actual pedophile grooming children for sex, and a quick google search told me that this person has an army of stans ripping the lack of significant evidence apart in order to entrap new victims. Calling out the blatant inconsistencies in testimonies is a tactic that abusers use to separate their victims from the people who want to help them. Anyone who has had a run-in with a serial pedophile can tell you that they usually have a methods to make people trust them over numerous allegations. Its not enough to throw a rock at their house, at its worst, that rock can even help the abuser gain a victim’s sympathy.
So I’d like to take this moment to explain how to properly spread information about a potentially dangerous person. Though, I’d like to make this very clear: I’m not saying this as someone whose done a lot of these as if its some kind of art form. I’m doing this from the perspective of someone who has seen the scum of the earth and know how they ensnare people, and hope to be able to spread awareness to potential victims.
1. The Abuser
I feel like it is a no brainer to actually mention who the abuser is, but apparently thats difficult for some people to wrap their heads around. So often I will see purposeful misspellings or code names in callout posts to avoid causing drama. This is stupid for two reasons: Firstly, if it is at the point where you feel a callout post needs to be made for people’s safety, fandom drama should no longer be an issue. Secondly, if you don’t make it clear who it is you’re warning people about, how the fuck are they actually supposed to avoid them? Like, do you expect a 12 year old who is currently being gaslit by a pedophile to message you like ‘Hey, is @lle/////gory!!!334 Gregory? That kinda looked like his username but I couldn’t tell.’ Of course they’re not. They’re going to ask the person who is grooming them, who will either say ‘lol nah’ or make up a sob story as to why they’re being defamed. Grow a pair and use their names.
It is very likely that the abuser will have more then one account, you’ll probably need to list all of them that you’re aware of, but know that the minute they see a post with their current name on it they’re probably going to change it. So, mention very clearly who they are, what circles they can be found in, and how they amassed enough popularity to trap victims in the first place.
This callout post that I saw, which I will now be using as a reference for what not to do, managed to list the abuser’s various names but pretty much nothing else about them. All it said was that they were apparently the origin of some meme, but didn’t even explicitly say what the meme was so I had no idea if I even knew this person or not. I didn’t know if they were a fandom blog, an art blog, a social justice blog, a youtuber, the only context I could draw was from the fandom-specific usernames of their victims. If they changed their name, which they probably did right away, I would have no way of telling who this person was.
Include screenshots of any of their posts with a lot of notes and listing this as identification for who they are. Also explicitly mention what circles they can be found in, any projects they were involved with, and any other iconography that can be associated with them. However, there is something I’d like to stress:
Do not include leaked personal information such as home address, workplace, or emails. It is not your authority to broadcast this information online. A callout post is not a legal testimony, merely a warning to other internet users within a community. If alerting the authorities is necessary, it is a different process to be handled by the victims and their supporters. Do not attempt to intervene through a social media.
If you don’t want to receive hate from an army of stans thats understandable, which is why many people often will make a blog where victims can anonymously offer evidence. In fact, I suggest doing this as a first resort as it is easier to search “_____ problematic” into Tumblr then it is to scour a personal blog for mention of the abuser. This will also provide a handy archive for the allegations, and help keep up with the abuser’s activity. However, for legitimacy’s sake, I suggest that the mod’s identities of these blogs be clear. This leads us to my next point:
2. The Evidence
This is actually my primary reason for wanting to make this. The stuff mentioned above delegitimises accusations but isn’t really dangerous the same way a shoddy presentation of evidence can be. Someone who has been thoroughly brainwashed by the abuse cycle will look for any reason to continue a relationship with their abuser. They’ve likely been isolated from their friends, groomed to worship or fear their abuser, and are so drained from a volatile relationship that they don’t have the mental energy to waste on doubt. It takes a lot of strength to end even a good relationship, thats why abusers try to keep their victims drained and confused. They make them think it is easier to continue being abused then try to untangle the lies and manipulation.
That is why you need to be explicit, blunt, and vocal about what the abuser has done. Put the most serious and unforgivable accusations at near top of your post in clear view. Try not to rely too heavily on accusations that dont have concrete evidence, as the abuser has probably already explained away anything you don’t have in writing.
I am going to once again revisit the terrible callout post from before. The first thing they did was the usual attention grabbing intro with the paragraph pretending to tell us who this person is was to list a bunch of testimonies from various users.
Now, testimonies don’t really work over tumblr in a traditional sense. In a courtroom a testimony is given under oath, all the words spoken must be presumed to be true because the speaker understands that lying is a federal offence. Obviously the internet is not like this, and there is nothing stopping someone with a blog from lying. Not to mention, if they had been in the abuser’s circle in the past but is now flinging accusations, it is safe to say they didn’t leave on the best of terms. Abusers are famously unable to take responsibility for their relationships falling apart, odds are everyone in the abuser’s circle convinces their latest victim that all previous victims were in the wrong.
I spoke with a friend who briefly joined the public discord of a known abuser to see what it was like, and showed me the rules specifically prohibiting anyone on the server to discuss allegations towards the mods. There was even a list of names that the bot would automatically block if you tried to type them in the chat log, and the mods had this witch hunt mentality where if they found evidence of you conversing with blacklisted users outside the discord, you would be banned and your name would be added to the list. It is very likely that the act of reading a testimony and asking about it could place a victim in danger.
However, there is value to a testimony online if there are more then one. Testimonies are really only effective if there are an abundance of them, so many that you don’t even have to read one, the sheer volume of people speaking out against the abuser is suspicious enough on its own. Again, the presence of a blog that allows anonymous asks or submissions would be the ideal platform to publish testimonies.
Back at the terrible callout post, underneath the list of testimonies they had some bullet points of direct evidence that they linked directly back to the abusers blog. You should not do this. I cannot believe there are people who do not realise it is largely worthless to use posts that the abuser still has access to as a source.
If you have even a remotely functional following anywhere on the internet you have probably said something stupid that bit you in the ass before. Your immediate reaction was probably to defend yourself, and when that failed, you go back and delete the post. Abusers can do the same thing, or, even more insidious, edit the post to say something else.
“_____ fetishises black women! here is the link!” can originally have linked to something explicit but can easily be changed to “I think black women are beautiful and deserve our support <3 <3″ to make the writer of the callout post look stupid or overzealous.
Screenshots are your friends. Take screenshots of the concerning behaviour and either include them in the post or link to a photo sharing archive. There’s really not much to explain about this. I cannot believe someone thought linking back to the original url would work.
Another thing I cannot believe about that terrible callout post was that half of the accusations linked to posts of people repeating rumours they’ve heard.
This is...dumb. This is unsalvageable. Don’t to this. It will never count and you will look like an idiot.
However that terrible awful worthless callout post did have SOME credible evidence, to shit that didn’t matter at all, which leads us to our last point.
3. The Abuse
Now this part is hard to discuss as most people seem to think abuse is a subjective term. This is not the case.
While abuse can take shape in an infinite number of ways, not all stuff that pisses you off counts as abuse. Sometimes a jerk is just a jerk. Now you can hate a jerk as much as you want- they probably deserve it, but don’t try to sell someone just being a generally awful person as abuse.
The terrible awful no good callout post tried to back up claims of criminal activity by saying the abuser cares more about Doctor Who than Flint Michigan.
This is not abuse. Why would anyone think this is abuse.
Now, if I have a blog devoted to a fandom I’m probably not going to post stuff about Flint Michigan to that blog. As stated above, I had no idea who this person was. For all I know they could have been exclusively a fanblog for Doctor Who. Sometimes there are just spaces that are kept away from serious real world issues and that in itself is not a crime.
Trying to equate something like that to an act of sexual assault only makes it easier to dismiss your legitimate concerns by saying: ‘they’re just hating on me for being cringy’
There are millions of reasons why someone might not want to keep up with real world social activism on their blog, and those are a million reasons the abuser will use to invalidate your legitimacy.
But hey, if that sort of thing annoys you, I totally get that. Go ahead and block this person, campaign against them, blacklist their stuff, encourage your friends to do the same. I’ve blocked people for less, just dont call it abuse.
Now there is actual fan content that is means for legitimate concern. If the person consistently praises or creates content of abusive scenarios, its a red flag. If a person consistently defends incest or pedophilia, its a red flag. If a person bullies someone else for being ‘triggered’ over Flint Michigan, its a red fucking flag.
The problem isn’t the art or the content or the blog type, but the mentality behind those things. Liking Doctor who isnt a problem. Liking the idea of Doctor Who having sex with his own daughter is. Avoiding current events isnt a problem. Trying to bully activists into silence is. You need to include that context to be taken seriously.
Chat logs are your friend. Get the permission of victims to post, anonymously or otherwise, chatlogs of concerning behaviour. Try to focus on patterns to show a potential victim that the tactics used to insnare them have been used on other people before. Highlight instances of an abuser being sweet, (The Honeymoon Phase) as well as how quickly they devolve into abuse.
In Conclusion
I’ve probably turned a lot of people off with this big dumb rant about something as petty as a callout post, and to those people I say: Good. If you’ve never been in a position to need this kind of thing then that is good. I’m not being facetious here, or implying you don’t know what you’re talking about just because you disagree with me, a callout post is really a last ditch effort to warn others that someone can construct in the aftermath of their ordeal. Pretty much everything I’ve mentioned relies on the willingness for victims to come forward, which I totally understand if they dont want to.
It is not my intention to bully others into sharing traumatic memories over the internet, but rather to make sure that anyone who does speak out wont become a target for harassment. At the end of the day, these are just posts floating around on tumblr. All you can ever hope is for someone to see your warning and stay away from the person who hurt you. Perhaps even draw the attention of other victims and help them process what has happened to them.
But baseless claims and petty squabbles aren’t how you do that. Abuse should be taken seriously, and there is a large difference between someone Problematic and an actual Abuser.
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