Never feel more masc then the times I try to look fem

A lot of people complain about their kids learning about lgbt stuff and about it being talked about in school. But I wish we had that kind of discussion in school or something when i was a kid. I'm 27 and it wasn't until a few years ago (during lockdown) that I started thinking about who I am. Realized I also like girls and am transmasc (sadly closeted because no ones on board with this kinda stuff).

As a kid I felt like I was different from the other girls and I didn't really know why. I remember telling people I wasn't a girl I was a tomboy and that's why I liked the things I did. I was worried about graduation for a few years before because I didn't want to wear a dress and I'd tell my mom that. I'd say "why can't I just wear pants and a shirt" (I wanted a suit). My mom would just say something like thats just how it is or you just have to. The same thing happened with my sisters wedding, all I wanted was a suit. But I was a bridesmaid so I had to wear a dress and get my makeup done (I think I was about 13-14).

I got older and then went to high school and started dressing more feminine and acting like my friends because they're girls and that's what girls are supposed to be like. I bought dresses and heels and tried makeup but it all looked weird on me (never wore them lol). Others said it looked good but it always felt wrong to me (same with other more feminine clothing items). Probably about halfway through high school, I was worried about graduation again. And again I told my mom but still had to wear a dress.

Same thing happened with college too but I wore a skirt that time. Through college I started wearing clothes I liked more but still not quite there yet.

Within the last 2 years I think, I decided to cut my hair short then a few times after I got a more masculine cut and wow do I love it. I also buy men's clothes now because they "fit better" and "have big pockets". I still don't feel like myself but I think im slowly getting there. I don't even really know who I am but I do know what I'm not.

Wow this is longer than I expected it to be and I think I lost the point of all this but it feels good to tell someone all of this even if it's a short messy version of it haha. I started typing and it all just kinda came out so i hope it makes some kind of sense. I've always been alone with this stuff so it's nice to get it out of my head I guess. I don't know lol thanks for reading✨️

Hey kiddo! Thank you so much for sharing your experience- I'm really glad you're in a place where you feel more comfortable in your body and your identity and I'm really proud of you.

- dad x

kinda question kinda just a ramble but like. how do u let someone know u like them without verbally telling them "hey i like you"??? bc i am in the classic situation of im crushing on one of my close friends and i dont wanna ruin the friendship. ive know him since middle school, and im a senior in high school and hes a junior. we've been through everything together. ive done his character makeup for every musical we've done together (which includes slathering his bald head with white foundation when he was uncle fester in addams family). we did cross country together all 6 years and we've seen each other shirtless countless times (im transmasc so this is a bigger deal for me personally than for him. i have literally tucked his shirt into his pants for him before bc he is stuggling so badly and tied his tie before choir concerts. like we are that close. and i think he might like me back? i've suspected it for a few years, but i never put much thought into it because i never really felt the same until now. hes a real goofball and likes to mess with people for funsies, but he is way more touchy/aggressive about it with me than with anyone else and everytime i wear one of my hoodies with a bunch of pride pins on it he asks me what at least one of them is (i use a good handful of labels lol) and the way his eyes light up is so adorable. im polyamorous and have a gf and a kind of boyfriend? (unsure where we stand, but not rlly important other than for context) both of which he knows about, and he found out i was polyam by asking me about the flag pin and his eyes lit up!! like he looked so happy it was unreal.

and i just. do not know what to do. bc i rlly dont want to lose him if he doesnt actually feel the same way!!!

also on the crush on the friend one!!! i dont even know if he likes guys!!!!! hes never dated anyone or expressed interest in anyone!!!

^ from anon

Hey if you're still doing curious anons (I'm not an anon but shh,,) I'd really be interested with some transfem Jedidiah hcs!! I love her SM and there isn't enough abt her,,,

YESSSSSSS YOURE SOOO BASED I LOVE TRANSFEM JEDIDIAH SO MUCH . I AM ALWAYS MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT HER

i headcanon her as transfem bigender nonbinary with she/he pronouns!! shes still an egg in season one though i dont think shes realized yet. and if she has she definitely hasnt told anyone i think he would talk to sydney first and......... well . shes not telling him much of anything now is he

i think the reason shes an egg for so long is partially because of christian influenced internalized homophobia but is ALSO becaude sydney is basically the only trans person she knows for a really long time and his relationship to his gender is VERY diff to hers not just that hes transmasc and shes transfem but just the way they Approach their respective transness . plus i think because shes been sheltered so mcuh for so long his grasp on the nuances of being nonbinary is Limited so because she Knows she doesnt want to be a 100% binary woman and he knows she doesnt want to be like fully androgynous no gendered pronouns whatsoever she kinda doesnt process that theres a midway between the two . so shes like ya ok i know what being trans is like and its Not Like This so the way i geel about being a man or lack thereof is just Cis Guy Things ): sigh . he will not be introspective about why hes sad about that

i think yvonne and sydney both dress him up in fem clothes a lot jusg to experiment . yvonnes usually just fucking about and having fun the emphasis is usually more on Punk than Feminine but i think sydney like . doesnt know hes Trans . but knows her well enough rhat he can recognize jeddys emotions and has gathered she at Least wants to be a little more gnc than he is . so hes like :O!!!! jeddy you know whats be fun . if i did your makeup and put you in this dress i got for you . cmon . jeddys forcedly reluctant about it but she always gives in the second sydney seems like hes genuinely going to stop pushing the point 

SEE . and i think what makes her egg crack is that i also hc Juniper to be transfem too and jeddy canonically sees herself in them a lot for better or for worse . so i think her coming out makes jeddy be like . Huhhhhh. which she promptly compartmentalizes and refuses to talk about

i do think she eventually comes out to sydney and she weirdly expects him to be angry about it or to tell her shes wrong?? like that hes just trying to copy sydney and that hes Obviously just a guy i mean hes been Fine being a guy for over two decades whats the issue now obviously hes just being dramatic . and then sydneys like (: its really nice that you trust me with that and im proud of you and gives her a hug and hes like .......???????????????? what the fuck

i think she still Generally sticks with the same general aesthetic as she did before after she properly socially transitions like she still wears a lot of neutrals she likes fairly prim very simple and professional clothing the only major change is that she starts wearing more dresses and skirts and adding some more accessories and wearing makeup and a lot of that isnt Just transitioning and is also the fact that the gender euphoria dressing feminine gives her more of a motivation to take care of herself and put herself together a bit and wear clothes she likes and feels comfortable in as opposed to just whatever she shoves on . but her general vibe stays the same 

HOWEVER!!!!!! back to the earlier hc i think she can also be VERY easily talked into dressing up all goth and fun and loud to match with sydney and yvonne and he gets VERY invested in it . its a fun break from the norm for her 

sydney asks if she wants to be his girlfriend instead of his boyfriend and jeddys like oh!! uh i havent thought about that . no boyfriends fine i think . but then spends the next week in a half gendery half lovestruck lil fantasy spiral going <3333 sydneys girlfriend sydneys GIRLFRIEND im sydneys girlfriend sydneys girl sydneys girlfriend <3333333 in her brain and so shes like ,,,, can i change my mind . theyre t4t and their mutual transness accentuates their love!! diversity win

i think she has like . one or two xenogenders that sydney showed her and she expected them to not be her thing but was like wait thats kinda cool . shes too awkward for neopronouns but maybe someday …… someday sydney will warm her up to it 

i think her coming out socially is a side effect of him becoming more comfortable with other people (: this is the overarching theme of my transfem jeddy hc i think as she learns to accept himself more and open herself up to other people that exact same progression follows with ehr gender i think trans jeddy is really compelling and good actually 

in conclusion!!!! shes trans and i love her so mcuh despite her being the worst 

there is a viral tiktok going around apparently where there is a lady who says the following:

"After a certain age, coming outside to any event that you're all dressed up for and you have heels on with no makeup is unacceptable"

"I don't care how pretty you think you are with the bare face. We all think we're beautiful with a bare face, right? But there's a time and a place for a bare face. Not everywhere is bare face acceptable, grow up, learn how to do makeup."

"And this is why I always tell people learn how to do things early at a young age or you're going to keep having to pay for things and you're going to get tired of having to pay for services that you can do yourself. So learn how to do makeup and avoid coming out to functions looking beautiful but with a bare face."

like first of all, fucking excuse me. second of all, fuck you and fuck off with that shit. im expected to wear makeup for anything professional already, and now you’re saying it’s a bare minimum requirement to wear makeup to social outings too? nahhhh. anyone who requires me to wear makeup to be seen with me or not judge me is not in good standing with me. makeup is too fuckin expensive for my poverty-stricken ass, it’s too hard because of my disabilities, and also, 99%+ of the time i do not want to look more feminine that I already look because I am a closeted transmasc, and I should not have to disclose ANY of that to get respect for not doing something unnecessary to my body/appearance

you’re one of the people that makes the “having a bare face is an active choice” argument when it’s literally an inaction, a passive form of existence that requires no thought or effort. please. get outta here

PLEASE tell my all your transfem el hcs

ok ok ok so. i’ve always felt that eleven had a very trans aura to her yknow. originally i thought she was transmasc because thats my experience but then i realized her being transfem makes a lot more sense and is also way cooler i think

she’s a very androgynous character, not having grown up with societal gender norms. im still very obsessed with the shaved head hospital gown look, not just cuz it looks cool but because also the symbolism behind it. the shaved head and the shapeless gender neutral hospital gown strip her of the femininity she clearly feels like she was owed, stuff like the wig and the dress she wears clearly bring her some sort of euphoria and she even expresses that she doesn’t feel very “pretty” without them.

many ppl have pointed out her growth over the seasons and i honestly think its a good representation of a young trans girl transitioning and being able to find her own style; growing her hair out and getting to wear pretty clothes and learning how to do makeup and getting to partake in normal girl activities like going to the mall and hosting cutesy sleepovers n stuff.

hell, you could even argue the name “jane” acts as something similar to a deadname, what with it being her birth name and smth only her sister and her bio mom call her, while “el” is her chosen name, being what hopper and everyone else calls her.

with all this in mind i just personally see her as a nonbinary trans girl. it feels very right to me. i also just think that once she goes to live with the byers she gets to go on estrogen and stuff too. she deserves it

HI HI I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD REQUEST ANY OF THE SALLY FACE GANG WITH A TRANSMASC READER WHO WEARS MAKEUP FOR FUN? TYSM IF YOU DO WRITE THIS

THIS MAY BE ANSWERED LATE BECAUSE IT WAS SENT WHILE I'M AT WORK, BUT I'LL DO THE MAIN GANG >:]

Sal

- You're transmasc? COOL! You're so valid, he makes sure to tell you that

- Gender-nonconforming He/they Sal fr btw

- Sal can't do makeup himself... (Wonder why /j) but he would enjoy watching you do your thing!

- Sal is always interested in the things people can do! He watches Larry and Ash make art all the time!

- He let you put eyeliner on his mask once... It's still there, he can't get it off

- It looks cool though! It makes him happy

- If you're dysphoric he does his best to help you out! He'd be the one to comfort you by going out on walks with you or taking you 5o Larry's so ya'll can jam out together,

- He'd show you his growing collection of fake eyes when you guys are older!!

Larry

- YOOOO! He's so supportive when you come out to him, he'd start using any masc terms he could to make sure you feel super valid

- Bro, dude, all that jazz

- WILL LEND YOU HIS CLOTHES!! You and Sal are the only ones allowed to wear his band t-shirts

- He knows you guys wouldn't do anything to them (on purpose, at least)

- HE'D BUY YOU BAND TEES SO YOU CAN MATCH TOO

- And he's so excited whenever you put on makeup, perfect art opportunity!

- Whether it's you putting it on or having it on, you have at least two paintings of yourself from him

- "Lookin' super fab, bro!"

Ash(ley)

- When you tell her, she'd put a hand on your shoulder and smile at you

- She accepts you for who you are!!

- She's been questioning herself tbh, she might be on the enby spec

- You guys have chats about that, it's super rad

- You give each other makeup tips! Maybe sometimes you guys will trade stuff

- She's literally so sweet and chill about it too

- Whatever kind of makeup you do, she fuckin loves it

- She's not afraid to correct people btw btw! She's got your back!

Todd(?)

- He's supportive idk, I can't think of anything for the poor guy

- I keep forgetting his name

Travis

- He acts disgusted when he finds out but like...

- He casually uses your pronouns while insulting you, he acts like he doesn't notice

- He doesn't have the heart to misgender you, but he's still an ass

- The others seem to notice, but he acts dumb like he doesn't notice

- Leaves a trans flag his dad tried to burn in your locker, bro snuck it out the trash

- It smells, but he couldn't wash it without his dad noticing

- He sees you as you are, but he's jealous that you can be yourself... He wants to be like that

- He also fucking loves your makeup but still insults it

- You can tell by how he insults little details instead of the whole thing. He took his time to look!

OK SO IM STILL AT WORK AND IM SUPER TIRED AND HUNGRY, SO THIS WILL BE ALL

Sorry about Todd's, I can't think for the poor guy

Ah fuck now im thinking abt how fuckin lonely it is 2 be transmasc. Bc suddenly all my girl friends see me as Something Else and a fucking Threat even tho im literally the same fucking person only happier. And like how. When i wanted to explore femininity as a girl, my friends loved to show me everything and do my makeup and whatever and like now theyre like. Are you sure ?? Dont you think that will make you uncomfortable LIKE UR THE ONE MAKING IT UNCOMFORTABLE !!!! IM THE SAME IM THE SAME IM THE SAME AS I WAS BEFORE I JUST GOT A NEW HAT AND NOW U ALL HATE ME !!!! and its not like i have boys to go to either because if anything, im now friends with LESS guys than i was before transitioning. Because before i was just a girl and like yea there were a ton of sexist guys who didnt really see me as their equal, but they saw me atleast as a Person. But now its like. Im not one of the girls they can tolerate, im claiming to be one of the boys ??? But it doesn't fucking fit for them because like. Im still at the equality level of a girl but even LESS now. Why cant i just be a Normal girl or a Normal guy. Why do i have to be a guy that also looks and acts like a girl according to the rules in their head ??? LIKE ITS SO FUCKING ANNOYING. I DONT WANT TO BE ONE OD THE GIRLS I DONT WANNA BE ONE OF THE BOYS I WANNA BE ONE OF THEM !!! JUST FUCKING ANYONE !!! BUT NOBODY SEES ME AS ON THEIR SIDE BC GIRLS WHO TRY SOOO HARD 2 BE "TRANS INCLUSIVE" ALSO CANT LET GO OF THEIR IDEAS OF "MAN = DANGEROUS AND BAD AND OTHER" SO HOW DO THEY BE INCLUSIVE OF ME ???? BY TREATING ME LIKE FUCKING SCUM !!!!! SO I CANT BE ONE OF THE GIRLS ANYMORE BECAUSE IM "DANGEROUS". BUT IM SURE AS HELL NOT PART OF THE BOYS BECAUSE IM FUCKING OPPOSITE PINOCCHIO AND NOT A REAL GODDAM BOY EVEN THO HES WOOD AND IM FUCKING FLESH AND BONE MOTHERFUCKER !!!!! AND NOW THERES SOME SECRET CODE TO BOTH SIDES I CANT SEEM TO FIGURE OUT AND IT DOESNT FUCKING HELP THAT IM AUTISTIC TOO DOES IT ????? SO LIKE. ALL I HAVE ARE OTHER TRANS PEOPLE BECAUSE EVEN MY CIS FRIENDS JUST DONT SEE ME AS EQUAL. THEY TRY SOOOOO HARD TO FIT ME IN ANY OF THEIR BOXES TO THE POINT I HAVE TO JUST TRY SOOO HARD TO ACT LIKE IM A FULLY BINARY GUY JUST SO THEY CAN STOP SEEING ME AS A FULLY BINARY GIRL. BUT IM NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS MOTHERFUCKER BUT I CAN BARELT EVEN TELL MY TRANS FRIENDS THAT BECAUSE THEYVE FUCKING INVENTED ANOTHER BOX WHERE THEY ASSUME NONBINSRY MEANS A THIRD FUCKING GENDER AND IT DOESNT !!!! WHEN I EXPLAIN MY GENDER IT DOESNR MEAN I NEED YOU TO SAY "soooooo youre genderfluid" NO IM ME IM ME IM FUCKING ME DONT YOU FUCKUNG GET IT IM DRESSING UP IN FUN CLOTHES BUT YOURE 5 AGAIN AND SAYING IM A GIRL FOR WEARING PINK AND A BOY FOR WEARING BLUE !!!!! IM WEARING A FUCKING PINK SHIRT AND BLUE SHOES WHAT DO YOU WANT MOTHERFUCKER IM EVEYTHING IM NOTHING IM JUST FUCKING ME !!!!

it’s pride month!!!!!!!! are any of the jeffs celebrating:0

no none of my guys celebrate anything they are all either too old or don’t care or both BUT they r lgbt

stat is he/him/any nonbinary bi

nine is he/him/any cis(?) pan

praline is she/her cis bi

val is he/she/they intersex nonbinary bi

six is he/him cis something….. definitely not straight

bonus: ryd is he/him trans bi

bonus 2: all of kilian and co is cishet so they’re getting excluded all month (sloan desperately wants pascal to be he/they bi)

- mod lucia

i asked this question so im ignoring what it’s saying and listing their business

blondie is cis gay

daisy is cis bi and i don’t like him

spirit is a dog

for a bonus blondies jane is a lesbian :)

actually on a side note blondie would wear one of these for pride

- mod sloan

Butting in like i always do since it's my male right in this pride month with mine. Most of my jeffs are trans and bi so! Specifics

- Dally is something and biromantic. He doesn't like to think about his gender even though in the server i joke about it, he goes by he/him but if you use she/her he's not gonna correct you but also going to stare at himself in the bathroom mirror almost ripping off the sink.

- Grease is transmasc and bisexual, as a bonus he's also canonically a dad!

- RRH is the same as Grease, transmasc and bisexual and also canonically a father. Which makes it that i have two transmasc deadbeat dad jeffs. Don't know what to do with this realization honestly (ask me about it)

- JD is pansexual and gnc! He doesn't care about gender at all and doesn't worry about how he's presenting.

- Tulpa and the system are unlabeled! They don't really worry about how they present or what they are attracted to. And they're young, so they don't really care about it. Any pronouns work for Tulpy

-Raden is also gnc and aroace! He's the sexiest mfer on this earth

-mod noah

Nathan is GAY gay as hell he has at least four rainbows on him at all time in the form of patches or pins. He's cis and he/him but you can barbie doll him into a pretty pink dress if you want

Pirate is bi and ace but he's like, twelve and hasn't figured that out yet. In his 20s he has a gender crisis but don't worry about it he's totally fine and normal

AJ is gay but has been with women in the past. He's cis but really gnc. He owns skirts and heels, is pretty good with makeup and has probably done drag in the past. His gender doesn't bother him he just does what he feels like

Darcie is trans and gay. He grew up in rural catholic Ireland in the 70s then got eeby deeby'd into the shining hotel so he only recently learned what the word transgender means. He's also homophobic sometimes but it's okay because it's funny

Tino is pansexual, aromantic and intersex. Despite his whole love theme and the amount of relationships he's had he really does not care about the whole thing, it's just a tool to him. Tino will respond to any pronouns but if you ask him what ones he prefers he'll tell you to figure it out on your own

Eddy is aro/ace and cisgender. He doesn't really understand the concept of romantic love and doesn't feel sexual attraction. He's happy with just having really close friends!! :)

BONUS ROUND: Darcie and Louise have four other siblings. One of them, Sean, is bi :)

BONUS BONUS ROUND: Pirate's future au roommate Steve is bi too but he's a COWARD and refuses to leave the closet. I want to hurt him.

-Mod CC

. Squishy is gnc! Rn he doesnt really understand romantic attraction but in his adult life he comes out as gay! Only romantic bc he's stuck with a 15 yo mindset forever

. Kipri is nonbinary and wlw!! Also her father Marcel is pansexual and kisses AJ on the mouth

. Frenchie is queer but it doesn't really matter what exactly how because he bites >:(

. Mike is nonbinary pansexual!

About CC's bonus: i shipped steve and pirate before it was canon 😎

-Mod Kim 🧢 Hi! Mod ez finishing out this round with his characters sexualities! At the very last minute too lol - Andy is GAY he is PAINFULLY gay and he is very repressed about it. If I brought him to a pride parade he would start crying. - His brother Drew is bisexual and in a polyamorous relationship.  - Cas is bi! He doesn’t figure this out for a while though because he’s dumb as hell and forgot that was an option. he’s like i can’t be gay? I like girls? duh? and everyone is like cas i swear to fucking god Shockingly, those are my main lgbt jeffs, with most of my others being straight or unlabeled. Bonus content, RT is straight but would love pride month because he wants to ally as hard as possible. 

Its 4am and I'm exploring my gender under the cut. I'm conflicted again <3 if any transmascs feel like reading I'd love to hear if you felt similar feelings before realizing you were trans or if I'm reading too much into it lol.

Just autism things

So I don't really have feelings one way or another about my gender normally. I did have a significant breast reduction and would have had them removed if I didn't think it would make wearing clothes a challenge. I have a pretty dramatic waist to hip ratio and don't mind being perceived as feminine.

But. BUT. When I put on that fuckin strap. Ooooooohhhhhhhh that is simply not fair. Im addicted to the insane euphoric head rush I get when I see myself wearing that ridiculous contraption. The POWER. You feel like a ManTM. Every time I fuck a woman the ManTM feeling flows through me with a power I've never felt about being female.

It feels like this:

Having tiddies: eh. Sucks. Uncomfortable. Painful. But they are soooososososo squishy and make me feel sexy and good.

Having a vagina and all the related plumbing: neutral. I think having a dick would be easier for a lot of practical reasons but for sex purposes I have no strong opinions about genitals.

Having a traditionally "feminine" body and being perceived as female, having people who are attracted to women be attracted to me: love it. Desire me @ all lesbians. Men can look too I guess. Only downside is the horrors.

Presenting in a feminine way: neutral. I am really into fashion and makeup and hair, and if I had a different more masculine body I would just wear whatever styles and cuts looked best. I don't actively try to perform femaleness, I think it just happens. I don't have any real connection to feminine clothes or femininity in general and it doesn't make me feel good or bad about my gender. Wearing clothes that fit my body nicely feels amazing but not in a gendery way.

Wearing the strap: I AM A MAN. He him baby. Call me daddy. Grr. I feel the nonexistent testosterone coursing through me. Every time I fuck a woman I come even though it's not even touching my clit or anything. This is by far the strongest and possibly the only sensation or emotion of "gender" I have ever had. It's so overpowering that if I close my eyes I can imagine looking down myself at a male body and loving it. The second I take it off this feeling disappears completely and the whole time I'm never feeling uncomfy about my boobs or anything. Like I imagine having a flat chest and straight torso and it's awesome af but it doesn't make me feel icky about my actual body.

But GOD!!! The sensation of MASCULINITY that completely envelops me. Whew. It's so powerful. Let me ENTER you babe. Even imagining it is crazy. Quite possibly I'm just very attracted to women and also slightly a top. Where is the line between being a lesbian, wearing a penis, and being a man having one? Maybe my imagination is just too active.

Another facet of it: I write so much gay fanfic. I've been writing it since I was too young to be writing smut. Over the years I've built a little gay man in my head. He's so so sosososoo attracted to men. He's masculine and hairy and he helps me capture the feelings for my fics. (To be clear, this isn't a hallucination or anything. It's more like a really well fleshed out OC. I just visualize him when I need to write from the perspective of a man attracted to men.)

But then sometimes I'll be doing something and get a little wave of attraction to a man in a very distinct mlm fashion. There's a powerful sensation of not being a woman attracted to a man in a straight way, but of a man being attracted to a man in a gay way. To me, it's always seemed to come from this character I created, like my fanfic character was popping in to point out some guy's abs or ass. I don't have any idea how to tell if that's MY attraction and gender or if I'm just habitually in writing mode. Was that a bit of dialog I just came up with or my own thought? It's hard to tell.

Anyway, when I write I sort of become that detailed character I made. When I'm deep in writing a fic, in my mind, I'm 6' tall, hairy, a little chubby, and could probably lift and throw my real body across the room. I get the ManTM feeling and again it's an abnormally strong gender feeling for me. Again it stops without causing dysphoria as soon as my attention is broken, but I will say it's quite the whiplash to switch in your minds eye like that.

I don't think I'm capable of gender dysphoria. The strongest gender sensation I feel regularly is highly masculine, but I don't have any particular objections to being perceived as a woman. But I have never, ever felt WomanTM in the same way. Why do I connect so strongly to masculinity in specific circumstances? It's not all the time which is why I get confused. Atm I don't feel like a man or a woman.

Also I'm not hip so idk if you're supposed to say you're non-binary when someone asks "are you a man or woman" and you go uhhh,,, neither? Both? But they them feels exactly like she her and he him. They all feel equally neutral. The neos too. I imagine people talking about me on a stage every time I see a new pronoun set and none of them illicit a response.

Except of course when I'm wearing the strap. Infernal contraption. Stop making me confused.

Actually I'm being a little dramatic about the conflict. I'm not sitting here being upset that I have no relationship with my gender. I'm simply autistic and study myself like a lab specimen 24/7 and people always think my observations are complaints. I'm not complaining; in fact, this is great fun to me! That ManTM feeling is so powerful and so intensely pleasant and I enjoy it when it happens.

Anyway it's. 5am now. I barely proofread this let's hope it's coherent <3 goodnight

I hate that as a trans guy im comfortable in being feminine. makeup, dresses, skirts, I can wear any of these and feel fine but its how they feel on my body that I don't like. I happily wear my binder and then a dress because skirt go whoosh and no tits is how I'm most comfortable. When I socially/physically transition I won't mind still being feminine but I just don't want masc trans men to look down on me for still being feminine. I don't want to be less of a man for still dressing how I did when I thought I was female. Also thanks for reading this, I don't really have any trans friends and I just really needed to get this off my chest before I exploded x

I think there has been an issue where other transmasc people almost look down on feminine transmasc people, but I whole-heartedly think that there are many more feminine transmasculine and transneutral people than we may think. I know this might not help to ease your worries, but please remember that your presentation/affinity for femininity is not a commentary on how trans you are. You absolutely deserve to live in peace, comfort, and happiness, and if you being comfortable and happy means that you like skirts or make-up, then so be it!

Trans people absolutely deserve to exist as they see fit, including you. Cis men are allowed to express their femininity, so can't trans people?

I know exactly how you feel, but what has helped me before is to just try letting myself be. If I see something I like, for instance, which is marketed toward women, then I'll get it. I know my manhood doesn't depend on the ideas forced upon me, nor is anybody else's. Your identity will never be nullified by something as benign as a tube of lipstick, and nobody has the right to tell you otherwise, whether they are trans or not.

can you maybe do a tmr characters help y/n with dysphoria ? im havin a bad day and theres literally no trans y/n content out there 🙁 if not thats totally fine i get its not everyones thing !!!!

Maze Runner Characters Helping You With Gender Dysphoria

I would love to do this one, and it is certainly my thing seeing as I am nonbinary! I tried to make this as inclusive of all trans people as possible because you didn't specify trans woman/man/nonbinary.

Also sorry this is so late, I put it in my drafts and forgot about it 💀

~~

Alby

Makes a point to refer to you by your preferred pronouns/name at every opportunity but somehow manages to make it sound natural/not forced or patronizing.

(Side note, this man will wreck anyone who purposefully deadnames/mispronouns you.)

Aris

Gets you your favorite foods and offers to read you allowed your favorite book

Anything to get your mind off it

Ben

Listens to you vent about it, visibly interested and asking questions so he can better understand and help you feel more comfortable

Brenda

Helping you with styling hair and doing your makeup.

If you're trans masc the two of you raid Jorge's closet and try on his clothes (she turns around every time you change, even if you don't ask her to, just to make you more comfortable) and if you're trans fem she the two of you raid her closet instead.

Clint

Tries to be super subtle about it, casually giving you gender-affirming compliments.

“You’re looking exceptionally beautiful/handsome/preferred today”

“That shirt looks very feminine/masculine/preferred on you”

Frypan

Notices immediately but doesn’t comment on it unless you mention it first. Reassures you that you’re passing whenever you start to get doubts.

Offers to do all of your favorite things with you to get your mind off it.

Gally

Gives you some of his clothes to wear so they’re extra baggy/less form-fitting.

Basically babies you and makes sure you’re comfortable and don’t need to lift a finger to do anything all day.

Harriet

Incredibly sympathetic, giving you back rubs and trying to offer up comforting words like:

“I’m sorry this is happening, angel.” “That sounds awful.”

Jeff

Suggests distractions like playing card games or organizing the stocks in the med shack with him.

Doesn’t go very far from you all day.

Minho

Literally threatens anyone who misgenders you or deadnames you, whether they said it on purpose or on accident.

Hours of nonstop talking with you to keep your mind off of it.

Newt

Newt has a whole system. He gets Frypan to make your favorites, spends all day doing your favorite relaxing activities, and is incredibly respectful and understanding if you don’t want to be held/touched during this time.

Teresa

Listens all the way through you telling you how you’re feeling before asking if she can hug you. If you say yes, she holds you gently and kisses the top of your head before telling you your feelings are valid and that she loves you.

Suggests just going back to bed and spending the day together lounging in bed, relaxing.

Thomas

Never tries and tells you you’re wrong about your feelings, instead saying things that reassure you like if you’re transmasc but feel like you’re not looking masculine today he’ll say, “well, you’ll always be one of the boys to me” or if you guys are together “you’re still my boyfriend, no matter what you look like.”

Sonya

Readily avoids gender-specific compliments, instead saying things like “You’re such good company” and “you’re so smart”, basically spends all day praising you for every little thing and making you feel good about yourself.

Winston

Asks a bunch of questions about being trans, and about your gender dysphoria so he can better understand how you’re feeling and how being trans affects you then brainstorms the best ways to make you as comfortable while you’re feeling dysphoric, from sharing his clothes (or getting Teresa to share her clothes) or his blankets, to getting you out of your day’s work so you don’t have to be around all the others while feeling dysphoric.

man i have to be honest a little bit here

i feel. really weird about my gender presentation

like i work really hard to be perceived masc but at the same time i feel really bad that i cant be feminine without having conventional femininity shoved up my throat. Like yes, i want to be feminine, i want to wear long skirts and tight shirts paint my nails and i dont want to bind all the time, i want to be girly and wear mild makeup but i feel like i cant do any of that BECAUSE im a transmasc individual

ik it sounds weird but like, man, every time i wear a dress or put makeup on and look pretty i get praised for "finally looking like a girl" and my mom smiles at me and tells me "how pretty i am when i actually put effort on dressing well" and it makes me feel so fucking bad and discouraged from being feminine

transmasc people are also generally more infantalized and treated as cute and soft and just "pretty litle soft boys who cant do any wrong ever". i like dressing cute, yes, i like big sweaters and skirts and cute accessories and shit, but i dont want to be treated like a fucking baby. at all. it makes me feel really really hopeless on ever feeling truly comfortable in my own body, alone or around others

i guess what my point is that i feel like im forced to dress only masc ever cus if i dont i dont get taken seriously as transmasc and am just a silly little girl going through a phase that ill get out of eventually when thats not it dude not at all

also taking this opportunity to really emphasize how i want you guys to use they more than he with me now, cus like yes, i do go by he/him, but i want to be primarly known as "a they/them" for now if you can understand

I had always been proud of having a very liberal and opened minded family. They were cool when I told them I liked girls. But then I discovered that my dad is transphobic, so he was no as opened minded as I thought. And then I discovered I was agender. And now I feel bad because I feel like he would never get that? We have a very good relationship but I know that if I bring that up it will go wrong.

Specially cause I'm not androgynous. I wear dresses, huge earrings and makeup almost every day, pink is my favorite color, I loved playing with Barbies and princess' movies, so I feel like if I tell him that I'm not a cis woman he would think I'm just being silly? I actually think that everybody will think I'm just being silly, because I'm too girly to be agender, they'll never understand why I say I'm not a woman.

I'm surrounded by way too many allocishet people, and trying to explain queer stuff to them feels like a lot of work that I don't want to do, but I want to be able to say that I'm mspec and agender without them asking what that means.

honestly? you don't have to explain shit to anyone.

if you don't wanna come out to your dad or others, that's perfectly fine. especially if you don't feel safe doing so. but here's my advice if you feel comfortable!

just... start going by the pronouns you wanna go by. ask people to call you them, and consistently correct them. you don't have to explain your identity to them if it would make it harder on you. just be like, "hey! i go by [pronouns] now, please call me those."

im sorry you're going through this. it can be super frustrating, especially when you don't fit into this box of what a "proper" transmasc should be. im super proud of you though, and no matter what, you're valid as fuck!!

this is my curious anon to you and i'd love to hear about your trans fem Jon hcs bc I love her so very much <33 and i know you do too. (Possibly also your micheal/jon ideas bc them <33)

OOOO UR SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE okay . ill do both because i love them so mcuh >:) okay hello this is like AGES after u originally sent this anon but i like these hcs so im ognna finish em 

TRANSFEM JON

i hc jon as being she/they transfem nonbinary . i think she prefers like 60% fem language 20% masculine 20% neutral ive thought about this a LOT as you can tell

i think she ideally would dress more fancily and femininely than she does but shes just like me fr and is too tired all the time to dress to match her gender presentation all the time so she just sort of slaps shit on from her closet . but sometimes she gets random bursts of energy to do so and will show up s wearing a nice dress and jewelry and some makeup which is close to what her ideal presentation would be and its a pleasant surprise for martin who thinks shes very cute like that

SPEAKING OF WHICH!!!! jonmartin t4t (reality) . martins transmasc nonbinary and theyre girlfriend and boyfriend in a gay relationship love wins . jon helps martin with his t shots and teases him for how he gets nervous about them but then gets like WAY more nervous about her e shots and needs martin to distract her from it to go thru with it . hypocrisy

i think jon Is a chosen name and the fact that it matches with her agab is intentional . her egg cracked while she was dating georgie (also transfem) and she was trying to work out a new name but thought all the traditionally feminine names she was looking at were Too feminine and she would be rambling on to georgie about how theyre all too Feminine they dont Balance properly she wants the gender of a name thats typically masculine clashing with her feminine presentation for the genderfuckery of it all but all of these Feminine names are too Feminine and georgies like . why dont u just look at masculine names . u CAN pick a new name thats the same traditional gender of your deadname . which had never occurred to them before . and blows her MIND . so she picked jonathan because she thought it flowed nicely with her last name and the nickname jon she thought suited her particularly well

tangentially i think georgie was instrumental to them realizing that their complicated relationship to masculinity was actually her being nonbinary . initially because they started finding that she sort of related to the way georgie talked about her Own gender and jon was like . huh . and so they then went down this HUGE rabbithole researching every little detail about being trans and nobnbinary and all the intricacies and looking at every single "are you trans" quiz or article EVER which eventually culminated in this big rambling infodump about the subject late one night and georgies like . ok are u coming out to me right now or trying to explain transgenderism as a cis person to me, a trans person . my response to this whole thing changes drastically depending

also not transgender related but shes arospec bc i am and i sense it in her

JONMICHAEL HCS

i think michael likes to just . hang around the archives sometimes like hell leave little doors open in the archives just to hang out for a little while to listen to jon work . SO THAT HE CAN KEEP TABS ON HER AND TAKE HER DOWN FROM THE INSIDE OBVIOUSLY . jon knows and michael knows she knows and jon knows michael knows jon knows but she never really does anything about it NOT BECAUSE SHE LIKES THE ATTENTION . because ......... uhhh. you have to keep em guessing i guess

i think michael has been in love with jon for AGES like . since season one . but jon takes a lot longer to come around to it but she slowly starts realizing that michael may be a monster but that she sort of likes that monster in a weird way which ALSO helps her come to terms with her own inhumanity

when theyre snuggling and jon struggles to sleep michael will wrap up all around her and snuggle her and do a bunch of melatonin spiral magic to get her nice and sleepy . jon teases him about this because oooo look at the DISTORTION??? helping me engage in HEALTHY BEHAVIORS FOR MY MENTAL WELLBEING???????? and michael gets embarrassed

ALSO !!!!! ITS NOT JUST JONMICHAEL!!!!!!! theyre in a polycule with martin too u already know . michael calls martin his strawberry boy and scares off people who try to fuck with him even though martin is like totally capable of handling himself . martin does not mind this overprotectiveness AT ALL

okay but anyway back to jonmichael because thats what you asked for . i think when jon gets frazzled and stressed michael lets her brush his hair which she finds a really relaxing stim because michaels hair is IMPOSSIBLY soft and long and it doesnt really Knot it just Twists and its mesmerizing to wathc as u go thru it with ur hands . ALTERNATIVELY michael will braid jons hair into impossible designs that make her strands of grey curl in spirals for weeks

PLS tell me more of ur trans puffychu hcs omg

I MISS PUFFYCHU SO MUCH HOLYSHITSHHSHSHJSHJSHJS

anyways

(forgive me if i get anything wrong since i'm not transfem, im transmasc)

they both have Bad Dysphoria Days. like very bad.

puffy wasnt exactly sure of her history and stuff and so she didnt remember how she came to the conclusion of 'me trans', she just kinda. knows it. cause there's something so nice about the neutrality of

schlatt didn't misgender niki, persay, he just kinda.. was a bit rude about the whole thing. he did misgender her occasionally but was mostly concentrating on the 'break her spirit' thing, with the bills and such

they do each other's makeup because they do

puffy doesnt mind girly stuff but has always felt a bit 'ehhh' about it, which is why she prefers her captain's outfit or her rainbow hoodie and jeans

tho when she was with niki she wanted to try makeup on and it... felt kinda good. not like 'OH WOW I MISSED THIS MY WHOLE LIFE'. it was a kind of one time thing, a 'this isnt as bad as i thought it was' kinda thing

they did look like that one meme tho. i cant find it but its that girl sitting on the other one while she did her makeup.

niki loves overalls because she thinks they are very Gender (especially with the sunflower!!)

she also very much likes dresses n skirts because the GENDER

especially like cottagecore dresses (she gives me cottagecore sapphic vibes)

they just hype each up whenever the other is feeling Good or Bad

like if they're having a Gender Day they're like

"i feel.. a lot like a girl today." "DAMN RIGHT GIRL!!!! you are a girl!! woman!!! and i fuckinh love you. did i tell u that ur makeup is very Gender today?" "..i love you so much my love" "you too my love!"

niki knits a flag with puffy's gender identity for pride month. little did she know that puffy had made her one too. its a bit crap but niki never takes it off althroughout pride month

did i mention pride month is the best thing ever

everyone just goes outside wearing their colours. any cishets (phil and mumza i guess) just watch and clap, smiling so wide it feels like their face hurts

puffychu go on dates every day during pride month (a challenge set by eret!) but they go to bedwars and hannah goes with them even if she lightheartedly complains abt being the third wheel

if anyone is transphobic/biphobic to either puffy or niki, puffy will shoot them with a fireball while niki reports them. if the fireball doesnt hit, then hannah shoots them until they die. if the fireball DOES hit and hannah has enough time, she shoots them as well

they are just... sweet gfs....

puffy will just pop in a server, say "trans rights" then leave before anyone can say anything.

when puffy feels gender she'll occasionally wear a dress (like at the red banquet)

WAIT CONSIDER THIS ANGST: after the red banquet, puffy's gender euphoria from wearing a dress just... vanishes. she feels so wrong in her own body. it sucks for her. a lot

on the Worst Days they just... hang out together. they sit and watch netflix. they make fun of the shitty parts of anything and cringe at some of the trans stuff

they are just. soft gfs. destroying the patriarchy while smashing the cistem to bits