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lesbianashleywilliams · 5 months

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So those of you who have been following me may have noticed that I all but disappeared for about three months...well, that's because I've been planning to go to Japanese language school, and the wheels have really begun to start turning!!!!!!

I have been given the opportunity of my lifetime to be able to attend a Japanese language course at the International Study Institute in Tokyo's Shinjuku Ward. The course runs for a year, with the opportunity to extend it to two years, if my grades and money are sound [insert sound of children cheering here].

Being able to study Japanese locally and long-term has been a life goal of mine since I was fourteen. Though I'll probably never be able to fulfill my teenage dream of being an interpreter/translator for expats, this feels like the next best thing. Due to suffering from several comorbid chronic conditions that have majorly altered my life, most notably the beast known as systemic lupus erythematosus, I will probably never be able to seize another chance like this ever again. I won't be going in as a total novice, as I was able to take a year's worth of 1000-level Japanese language courses in college…before I had to drop out…… Since then I've been self-studying and using language exchange apps for practice, but nothing will beat the experience of using it in the day-to-day.

At this point in time (January 2024), my first six months of tuition have already been paid for. I am currently in a quiet waiting period while I wait to get to the next steps of the Certificate of Eligibility/Student Visa process. Before that, though, I need to secure my flight and housing. For the sake of my health, safety, privacy and comfort, a sharehouse will not be an option; I will have to seek a private apartment. I am here today to request assistance with the aforementioned flight and initial housing costs. It's still too early to commit to either of those, but:

The average cost of flexible one-way flights from where I am to either of the two Tokyo metro airports (Haneda and Narita) is running around $1200

I am doing some preliminary apartment scouting and am hoping not to exceed $800 per month (I will be traveling with suitcases and will need to properly store them). The apartments I am looking at do not require a security deposit or key money, but will probably come with a guarantor fee.

Now because I'm not going over there through one of the more common avenues - through a university or a job - I have to do it myself. Real life has meant that I've had to dig into my bank balance a bit, and after paying for the first six months I'm a little under the 2 million yen (~$14k) threshold that Immigration likes to see for a year's study. I'm lucky enough in that I will at least have a regular source of (unearned) income, as well as a financial sponsor; it's just the bank balance, flight, and accommodation that are hanging me up. Right now I am setting the initial goal at $3000, but I expect to move those goalposts at least once. Any extra will go towards a flight home for the Christmas holidays in December. After that, it'll go towards paying down my credit cards as much as I can prior to leaving the United States.

I can provide my conditional letter of acceptance from ISI, as well as the school invoice and receipt of the bank transfer for the first six months of tuition upon request (identifying information redacted, of course).

Because there's still a couple of months until I'm set to fly out I put together a GoFundMe (now that's a name I haven't used in a while) to idly collect whatever help I can. At the very least I just need this post to circulate enough to eventually cast a wider net outside of Tungle.hell.

GoFundMe

If you can't use GFM, V3nmo and P4ypal are also options:

V3nmo: @/venus3palette

P4ypal: @/fantasytheater

Again: I'm not in that much of a hurry, and the situation isn't dire! Thank you for combing my wall of text!!!!

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icyg4l · 3 months

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PAC: How Do I Choose the Right School for Me?

Decision Day is coming up for a lot of you and I’m sure that many are still deciding about what school they will go to. Whether you’re a first-time college student, a transfer student, or nontraditional, I hope to act as a guide for this period of time. Hopefully, you are inspired by this reading to choose the right school for you. I will use the True Heart Tarot Deck and the Moonology Oracle Deck for this reading and pull some oracle cards. So, without further ado, please pick your pile.

Left-to-Right (1-3):

Pile 1: I feel like you already know what school to choose, Pile One. It seems to me that you’re pretty content with the decision that you would have to make. You will get into your top choice or you’ve already gotten into your top choice so there’s no pending status. I feel like you are pretty confident. But I think what’s holding you back is the inability to stop thinking about others. I feel like this requires long distance travel or maybe it’s not your mom’s alma mater so you are about to make a decision to commit there to appease other people. But this is your life, Pile One. Don’t make a choice that you will regret. Go with the choice that will make you happy, love. Take the risk because it will all be worth it in the end. I pulled some oracle cards from the Moonology deck and got the following cards:

“Nothing will come out of this situation” (Void-of-course-Moon)

“A new start is coming!” (New Moon)

“Emotions are running high!” (Supermoon)

Cards Used: Justice, The Star (RX), Four of Discs, Princess of Swords, King of Wands, 9 of Cups, The Magician.

Pile Two: Pile Two, I get the feeling that you feel confused because you don’t know what to do. I think this is for my first generation college students who are the children of immigrants, children of single parent households, people who did not graduate high school/college or low-income parents. You may feel alone and scared of what could happen if you don’t decide by the specific deadline. I need you to take a deep breath because you are not the only one going through this. You need to talk to someone who will help you get through this time. Talk to a school counselor. Visit the campus. Ask current students/alumni about their personal experiences. Get in contact with the school’s admissions office. There’s so many ways to get connected. I also feel like you also have been stressing about the cost of school. But honestly, you just need to have a talk with your family about the game plan. If you feel like you will be paying too much, then you can always negotiate with the school to get more money to pay for school. There’s many ways to get to where you want to be. Think big, Pile Two. I pulled some cards from the Moonology deck and got the following cards:

“Believe in the impossible” (Blue Moon)

“Meditate and contemplate” (New Moon in Pisces)

“Bring love into the situation” (New Moon in Aquarius)

Cards Used: Prince of Wands, Three of Cups (RX), Three of Pentacles (RX), King of Discs, The Tower, Queen of Discs, Five of Discs.

Pile Three: Pile Three, you’re so cute. I channeled the plot of High School Musical 3: Senior Year. I feel like you have a significant other and y’all have been getting cozy together. You don’t want to leave by this person’s side because that would mean not seeing them everyday. That’s understandable but you’re going to need to maintain your individuality, Pile Three. There is nothing wrong with long distance, love. But I feel like you’re also waiting on an acceptance from a school that you applied to. You will get in but you have to trust the process. I feel like it’s coming very soon. You definitely have to talk to your significant other about your choice to see how they can support you and vice versa. Talk about the what ifs and concerns about the future. I feel that you guys want to consider them so much in the process and it makes sense but the evil eye that you’re sending yourself is crazy. Have some faith that things will work out for yourself. The less you do, the better. I pulled some cards from the Moonology deck and got the following cards:

“It’s time to take action” (New Moon in Aries)

“Balance spirituality and practicality” (Full Moon in Pisces)

“What do you need to release?” (Waning Moon)

“Have faith in your dreams” (Waxing Crescent Moon)

“Hold your vision” (Fixed Moon)

“Surrender to the Divine” (Full Moon)

Cards Used: Ace of Wands, Justice, 8 of Wands, 7 of Wands, 2 of Cups, Temperance, 3 of Discs, The Tower.

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everlastingrandom · 6 months

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I didn't know about ghetto fabulous before. Thank you for teaching us all about it...they're all so gorgeous and they fill me with so much hope that I can be as happy and beautiful as they are

:0 I feel like I barely scratched the surface because I did not expect that post to take off at all!

One thing I wanted to add is that ghetto culture is not exclusive to Black Americans. 'Ghetto' is an Italian word and refers to the poorer Venitian neighborhoods that Jewish Italians were forced to live in for centuries. The definition transferred across Europe and into the Americas with the movement of Italian, German, and Irish immigrants.

It only started to refer to African Americans post-slavery, during the Great Migration of freed Black people moving from the southern US to northern, mostly urban areas (and were forced to live in the poorer neighborhoods). Ghetto Fabulous is a reflection of aspirational living. A sometimes tongue-in-cheek attempt to emulate upper-class culture.

When I made the post, I was thinking about how "hood culture" and even club culture have their own ceremonial attire. How nationalism stamps that sentiment out with uniformity and regimentation. Luxury brands push for "sophistication" and "cleanliness," which is just coding for white supremacy.

Look at this. This is the bad place:

There are minimalist ways to express oneself without stripping things down to a sensory deprivation chamber, but this ain't it. Anyway, here are some articles on the subject that I've been rotating in my mind.

Old money and the School Uniform

The Hidden Conservatism in Minimalism

The Myth of Whiteness in Classical Sculpture <- This one especially

Popular Color Palettes by Decade

Is the World Less Colorful? Highlighting the Color Evolution of Objects and Spaces

#speaks #fashion #art

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creationcitystreet-em · 4 months

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Foolish One

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Latina Reader

Summary: You are pining after Eddie as you two get to know each other post high school. AU, could be modern but I don't think I get specific enough for it to matter so it could also be 80s

A/N: This was supposed to be shorter, but really it's just an incredibly self indulgent post high school AU with Eddie. It's not my best work, but I'm going through some stuff in my personal life and it was cathartic writing it out pretending it's about Eddie and not a real person, so that's what I did and I thought sharing it could maybe be fun

Warnings: angst, (mutual?) pining, fluff (if you squint), not a happy ending (I'm sorry, if I have to suffer with my feelings than so do all of you)

Also kinda based on a Taylor Swift Song: Foolish One (TV, From the Vaut)

words:~2200

Masterlist

You knew of Eddie while in high school. How couldn’t you? It was a small town where almost everyone knew each other. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t in your class or that you had never spoken a single word to each other, you knew of him because everyone knew of him. Since you didn’t really know him, you never had the highest opinion of him either. All you saw was the trouble making metal head who was terrible at school and sold drugs on the side. Not that you were one to judge, you didn’t know his life and he never seemed to cause anyone else harm. You just knew you never would have clicked and your friend groups never crossed paths anyway. It wasn’t until two years after you graduated high school, attending a college in Indianapolis and working a job on the side to support yourself that you finally officially met Eddie. He had transferred stores from your hometown to the location in Indianapolis. You were an assistant manager at this store and it just so happened to be that Eddie was an assistant manager as well. When you heard the announcement of his transfer, your ears perked up at recognizing the name.

“I know him,” you had said to your work friend. “We went to high school together.”

“Oh nice, is he good at his job?” your friend asked you. “I’m not sure. I mean he didn’t have what I would call the best work ethic in school so I’m surprised he’s a manager now. It’ll be interesting to see how that goes.” You were less than enthused, hoping your job didn’t get harder because someone on the team was a notorious slacker.

However, as it turned out, Eddie was an amazing coworker. You worked a lot with him, and got to know him for the first time. He was smart and funny and an overall good person. He was in Indianapolis building a fanbase for his band and also earning more money so he could go to a bigger city and hopefully make it big. The two of you shared a lot of similar interests and cared a lot about the same things. You both had this drive for justice, Eddie was a big attendee of protests in the name of different causes and organizations, and you were planning to become a lawyer one day to work for an organization that would help immigrants in situations where they couldn’t afford one.

He expressed concern for you when you were overly stressed with school and work and tried his best to help alleviate that stress where he could. You also became friends outside of work as he invited you to a few protests he knew you would feel passionate about, and you had enjoyed some nights out with him and some other managers at your store. And it only took a few months to realize that you had developed feelings for Eddie, but that wasn’t a revelation you were very happy about.

It just so happened to be that Eddie was already dating someone else, and they seemed very happy together being they had been together for about a year already. She had also gone to your high school but while Eddie was only a year younger than you so you had at least known of him, she was a few years younger and you didn’t even recognize her name. Turns out she was living in Cincinnati attending college to be a teacher, and he tried to spend any free time they had to go visit her.

It made you sad, but you tried to brush it off quickly, scoffing at the absurdity of you dating Eddie anyway. He was friendly to you because he was friendly to everyone at work. You guys had become friends, but it was clear he loved his girlfriend, and you would never be one to break a couple up. Besides, you were too busy to date anyway. You had tried a few times since starting college and they never lasted that long.

However, no matter how much you tried, you could not stop the bubbly feelings you got every time the two of you spoke about your shared interests, or when you joked about the mundane parts of your job, or when you felt a sense of calmness, happiness, and acceptance whenever you were around him. And with the way he increasingly spent time with you and seemed to feel so comfortable and happy around you as well, you began to see patterns that maybe indicated he felt the same way for you. Like whenever you caught him staring at you while the two of you worked on paperwork in the office, or when he would blush at a compliment or a daring tease sent his way.

“Oh so you’re like a nerd?” You teased one day at work when he had told you about DnD and all the time he’s spent running campaigns. He gawked at you in fake offense.

“Excuse me? Those are strong words coming from someone who got straight As all through high school.”

“And how do you know that?” you asked, surprised because you assumed he never gave you a second thought in high school.

“Are you kidding? How could I not?” he looked at you like you were the crazy one in this situation and not the other way around.

“What are you talking about? It’s not like I went around bragging about my grades to the whole school.”

“No,” he said with a smirk. “But anyone who paid any attention to you could tell you were smart and cared a lot about school. But it makes sense, you have a lot of dreams you’re working towards. Need to do well in school to achieve those.”

“You paid attention to me?” You asked in a brief moment of curiosity overriding your nerves. Now it seemed to be his turn to get flustered.

“I mean, like I said, it wasn’t hard for most people to notice.” The conversation died down as the two of you went back working, but your mind could not focus on anything but Eddie. You felt stupid for constantly convincing yourself that he might feel the same way you did. You wished you were better at deciphering other people’s feelings and that you had the confidence to confront him about it. Your hopeless romantic feelings were just going to end up hurting you more in the long run and you needed to stop letting yourself dwell on something that would never happen.

You got better at it by focusing more on school and work than before. That was what you needed to do anyway to accomplish your goals. Silly thoughts of whether a boy liked you or not was just a distraction, especially when that boy was already clearly in love with someone else. You thought you had gotten better at pushing down your feelings for him, but you were proven wrong when it was a little over a year after you had been working together and your work best friend realized what was going on.

“You like Eddie!” She exclaimed as you tried to shush her down so nobody else heard as you were taking inventory at work.

“Ok, yes I like Eddie, but you gotta keep it down ok? I don’t want anyone else to know about it.”

“But why?! You two would be perfect together, everyone else should know about it so the two of you can get together! It’s obvious he likes you too!”

“What? Are you crazy? He doesn’t like me, we’re just friends. Besides, he’s been with his girlfriend from back home for over two years now. It’s not going to happen.”

“I heard they aren’t doing well right now,” she said.

“What?” You froze at the news, not having heard that yet. But it wasn’t like he talked about his relationship to you often. Maybe something had happened and you didn’t know about it. “Where did you hear that?”

“Kim said she overheard him talking to Brandon last week about it. They’re both really busy with work and school and his band, they don’t see each other enough anymore. It’s causing problems in their relationship.” You pondered over this information for a bit, not sure how to take it. You hated how it gave you a glimmer of hope, maybe they’ll break up and something could happen between you two. You shook your head at the thought. Eddie was your friend, how could you hope he gets his heart broken by ending his relationship.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m sure they’ll work it out. Besides, I’m too busy to start a relationship either.”

“Okay, whatever you say,” she gave you a knowing look and you sighed as you felt your heart continue to hope for something to possibly work out in your favor.

Months later, when you were spending time with Eddie, you gave into your curiosity and brought up his relationship. You pretended you didn’t already hear about the problem, and just asked how his girlfriend was doing. He confessed that things were rough as they barely had time to see each other anymore. Seeing him so upset about it broke your heart and made you feel guilty for wanting them to break up. It was obvious that the distance was making it difficult for them.

You swallowed your feelings and tried to give him some advice. He seemed grateful for that, but it sounded like the two of them were just too busy to make each other a priority anymore, and it also even seemed like they didn’t want to make each other a priority anymore either. It made you wonder if maybe they would be better off just breaking up. Not for you to swoop in and date him, but maybe they both would be happier apart. It sounded to you like they were just together out of familiarity at this point. They had been together for years now, it was hard for them to picture themselves not together so they just ignored how unhappy both of them were. You didn’t tell him these thoughts though, not trusting yourself to be seeing it from an unbiased perspective. And so they stayed together and you stayed pining after a guy you probably would never get to be with.

Sooner than you expected, graduation came around and you were preparing to move to Chicago in pursuit of your law degree. You were excited for this next big step, but also very sad to have only one summer left in Indiana with the friends you had there, especially Eddie.

Despite your efforts, your feelings for him had only grown more and more over the two years you two worked together. But logic had to win over feelings. How could it even work out for you two even if you did end up together? You weren’t going to stay behind just to stay with Eddie, and you wouldn’t ask Eddie to go with you to Chicago. If by some act of god, the two of you actually got together over the summertime, you would just be split again by years of law school and it would have ruined your friendship for nothing.

Sometimes you wished you were the type of person to do anything for the chance at love, but you weren’t. You had a plan and dating Eddie didn’t work in that plan, so there was no point in even trying. That’s not how your friend saw it though.

“You’re gonna tell him how you feel right? I mean your chances are running out, you have to at least try!” As much as you wanted to agree with her, you just couldn’t.

“No, I already made up my mind, I’m not gonna do that.”

“But you two are meant for each other!”

“Maybe,” you sighed in exasperation. “But let’s say you’re right. Let’s say he leaves his girlfriend of 3 years for me. Then what?! I leave for law school at the end of July, we’d be living almost 4 hours away from each other, and we’d be having the same issues that he’s having with her right now.” She gives you a sympathetic look and it’s enough to cause the tears to start forming in your eyes. You let the last bit of romantic hope in your heart out as you continued to explain “I have to hope that what we have is special enough to come back to. Maybe one day it’ll be the right time and place for us. But that’s not right now. So I can’t ruin what we have by telling him how I feel, I just can’t.”

And with that, it was over. You left for school, kept in touch with your old friends, but distance was hard on any kind of relationship. Of course you couldn’t help but think “what if” with Eddie, but it didn’t matter anymore. The two of you had grown apart and that was that.

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malebodyexhibit · 1 year

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On Board and On Brand (a Next Door Boy tale)

You might have heard of the Next Door Boy agency and its services. Everyone lately had been on board with the promise of a new body, but have you heard of the recent scandal with the social media influencers?

The three men you see above are not who they say they are. (Expectedly on brand with Next Door Boy’s services.) The one on the left is a 40something bartender from Provo, Utah. An ex-Mormon who abandoned his wife and kids for the body of a snowboarder turning tricks in hotel rooms. The one on the right is a geriatric who served in Vietnam. A former 70s hippie and veteran now doing Jagger shots in a jacuzzi with his groupies. The one in the center, surprisingly, is a teen who immigrated from Mexico. He comes from wealth and orchestrated this scheme using his parents' money.

Santiago turned 18 this past year and had recruited the two former adults for a plan he had in mind. While it isn't clear why those two specifically, it is determined they met on an online forum prior to Santiago's scheme. He proposed that he would have them placed in bodies of attractive, athletic young men in order to gain sponsorships from the traveling and sports industries with the gay demographic as their target.

So what happens when you put the minds of older men into young bodies? Absolute horny mayhem. The ex-Mormon, Joseph, was caught blowing guys for money and sometimes just for free. The body of the ex-semipro snowboarder is paraded around the world shirtless and wearing zero underwear. This has naturally caused an outcry from the former-snowboarder who wants his body back.

The hippie, Leonard, had zero inhibitions on strutting in the nude. Having been a nudist in his prior body, Leonard saw no reason to change this mindset. He developed a group of fans who bring the party to him. He's often doing shots with and plowing his college fanbase. The body of the ex-college basketball star now filmed and posted on porn sites strains the relationship between the former college athlete and his parents.

As for Santiago, still retaining his wealth in his new body, happily flaunts his chiseled body and charming smile. He has legally changed his name to Alex and began an open relationship. He remarks that he's finally fitting in with people he always wanted to be a part of. "It feels nice to be an American," he stated after a photoshoot. With his new fame due to his fitness sponsorships, he is considering breaking from the two friends in order to keep his good name intact. On brand with his physical fitness, Alex is launching his new health supplements later this year and has started a training regime for the upcoming sports season.

What of the former bodies? Both previous bodies of Joseph and Leonard (names withheld) are pursing action against the two for violation of conditions set during body transfer, namely the use of substances and illicit sexual acts. The outcome, while not yet determined, will entail the returning of the bodies and financial compensation. Next Door Boy has refused to make a statement for what could be abuse of their services, but usage of their services has increased since this story made headlines.

No action has been taken by the former body of Santiago, who, while seeing the success Alex has, decided to remain living as the Mexican youth until the end of the services. He mentioned Alex approached him about a more permanent condition, and Santiago wasn't opposed to this idea as he reported to me on board his million-dollar yacht.

#male body possession #male takeover #gay male story #male body swap #male body exhibit #possession #body possession #racial change #old to young #a next door boy tale #next door boy

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kiki-de-la-petite-flaque · 10 months

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Patti Smith arrived in New York on July 3, 1967, via the decidedly un-scenic Port Authority Bus Terminal (625 8th Ave.), where she immediately transferred to the subway and headed for Brooklyn. She hoped to connect with a friend who was enrolled at the nearby Pratt Institute, an Engineering and Arts college in Clinton Hill. Unfortunately, it was summer break and her friend had moved to a new apartment. One of the current residents knew where her friend could be found, though, and offered to direct her there. This would be her first fleeting encounter with Robert Mapplethorpe, a young Pratt art student, and the man who would ultimately become her closest companion for the next few years. Alas, her friend was not at the said address, so Patti would sleep rough for the next several days, on porches, and in Central Park close to the statue of Alice in Wonderland.

Like many young newcomers, she would wander the streets of Greenwich Village and spend hours observing the people in Washington Square Park, an active gathering place for artists, folkies, activists, and people of every stripe imaginable. She explored St. Marks Place and the East Village, then a fairly ragged but colorful neighborhood of immigrants, hippies, artists, and the poor, always dragging her plaid suitcase along with her. One day she and a street friend found a little money and treated themselves to a hot meal at the Waverly Diner (385 6th Ave.), but otherwise she ate day-old bread and handouts. The rest of the time she was desperately looking for work, and after a disastrous single shift waiting tables at a Times Square restaurant, she found work at the midtown flagship location of Brentano’s (586 5th Ave.), a venerable bookstore near Rockefeller Center. She still had no place to stay, though, and often surreptitiously slept in the store overnight, only to emerge from the bathroom in the morning as the others readied the store. One day she ran into Mapplethorpe again in the bookstore. He, coincidentally, worked at the downtown branch of Brentano’s (20 University Pl.) in the Village. Not long afterwards, in the midst of an uncomfortable date with an older bookstore patron, Patti spotted Mapplethorpe in Tompkins Square Park, where he happily rescued her by posing as her boyfriend. The two shared an egg cream at Gem Spa (131 2nd Ave.) while commiserating. The pair would become inseparable. He brought her to stay at his place, an attic room in the home of some friends on Waverly Avenue in Brooklyn. After several weeks, the two had enough money saved for their own place nearby at 160 Hall St. on the second floor for $80 per month. This would become their headquarters for well over a year.

By winter, both Patti and Robert had lost their jobs at Brentano’s but found seasonal employment at FAO Schwarz (745 5th Ave.), the gigantic toy shop. Robert decorated windows, but Patti was stuck at the cash register. Afterward, she worked briefly at Argosy Books (116 E. 59th St.) before settling at Scribner’s Book Store (597 5th Ave.). Scribner’s would be her steady job for the next couple of years. Robert, meanwhile, went through a succession of jobs, one of which was as an usher at the Fillmore East (105 2nd Ave.), where he was able to get Patti in to see the Doors. Jim Morrison was to have a lasting influence on her...

-- Excerpt from the Rock and Roll Explorer Guide to New York City (Globe Pequot Press, June 2018) by Mike Katz and Crispin Kott, with a foreword by Legs McNeil. Also available by the same authors: Rock and Roll Explorer Guide to San Francisco and the Bay Area (Globe Pequot Press, May 2021), with a foreword by Joel Gion of the Brian Jonestown Massacre. Get ‘em both wherever books are sold at maximum volume.

Patti Smith & Robert Mapplethorpe by Norman Seeff,

#Patti Smith #Robert Mapplethorpe #Norman Seeff

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qqueenofhades · 1 year

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hello, it's youngin anon once again. i need advice and i have no one to ask, so i figured i could ask you. it's a lot and long, so if you don't want to answer, feel free to ignore.

idk how familiar you are with immigrant child guilt, but it weighs on me immensely. my parents work very hard and i can see the way they struggle. i remember when i was young we didn't even have a bed! me and my siblings slept on cushions. i've seen the insane hours my dad has worked so as to afford me and my siblings a better and more comfortable life. both of my parents have put in a lot of work to give us good opportunities, starting with their immigration to the US.

in nigerian culture, education is extremely important, so as i grew up, my parents have always told me to focus on my education, telling me not to work and it did pay off bc i did end up as valedictorian. college, however is presenting a new set of problems.

my dad, who i am financially dependent on (and who is paying the tuition for the state uni where i'm enrolled) has made it abundantly clear that he thinks med school is the only valid career path. i told him that my roommate was studying comms and he said that she could become a lawyer or something, before looking me dead in the eyes and that wasn't an option for me. with him, it's med school or bust.

as long as i could remember, my parents have been telling me i was going to become a doctor. every time i asked my dad to get me something, he say, i'll do it and in the future, you'll become a doctor, right? and i would agree and that was that. i've answered to all the adults who asked me that i was was going to med school and they would all give me smiles of approval. if i mentioned any other career growing up i'd be ruthlessly shot down or gently persuaded about how much more security there was in medicine.

i was aware in high school that i didn't really want to be a doctor so i sort of set myself up, enrolling under my college's science school so as to cut off my own retreat path. i figured that if i was able to bear it during high school, i could bear it during college. but i can see my own behavior and i know that i don't really like STEM. not that it's a bad field! i just don't have any interest in it. i read the textbooks to learn enough to pass the test and that's it. i don't interact with my classmates or the professors or the material beyond what's needed to get an A. this is in sharp contrast to my history classes which i have been enthralled with. I took a world history class in the first semester enjoyed it immensely. last semester i took a war and violence in africa class and LOVED it. it made me want to become an African historian/Africanist. i talk to my professors, enjoy the readings, the assignments, all the new info i'm getting on the continent where my family originates. i go to my history classes and i want to be there. i want to learn.

i don't know if i could survive academia as a profession because i've seen you posting about the struggles from working in academia and there was a large strike at my school last semester because professors weren't earning enough. if it were a perfect world or if i had lots of money i would love to get my Ph.D focusing on West African history and be a history professor, but it's not, so. i've been thinking about law school as a happy compromise. i could go to law school with a undergrad history degree and if i went to law school i could also pursue JD/MA in History. i'm trying out some law classes next semester to see how i like them.

i'm now scared that if i were to transfer to a different school in my college my scholarship might be reduced. i'm also afraid that i would lose my parents' financial support if i chose to pursue a different career path and i have no actual work experience.

and i understand my parents' very valid concerns! both of them grew up poor in Nigeria and it was their STEM educations that afforded them better lives. they don't want me to experience that level of crushing poverty that heavily defined their youth. my mom tells me about her younger brother in Nigeria who struggles to get work with his masters. my dad tells me about co-workers' children who can't get jobs in their field of profession and have to work whatever jobs come their way. from what i've seen on the news, the future job market looks bad for the young people (around the world!). millennials are having problems and my generation isn't set to do much better.

is it fair to my parents to just disregard that and pursue work in the humanities? i want to do what i want, to just live my life, but it feels like it's not just my life. it would feel so selfish to just risk that all. whenever i talk to my parents about their journey in the US i feel like i should just suck it all up and go to med school. if my parents could suffer all of that, who i am to complain? do my struggles compare?

i feel like my sense of pragmatism and idealism are warring against each other. I don't like STEM, I'm good at it, good enough to get good grades in the classes, but it's not something i enjoy doing, but there's more job security. i love history and the humanities as a whole, but i might struggle with employment.

i'm semi-familiar with the path i would need to take to become a doctor. i would have to make it into med school (high GPA, experience in science research/labs, shadowing healthcare professionals, good recommendations, etc.), survive med school, survive residency (during which residents are worked like dogs), complete fellowships, and then i would be able to practice independently. and that would probably occupy the majority of my time. people have told me that med school is hard even for people that like medicine. for me who is just tolerating it, can i do it? and what about any future patients? is it fair to them?

my mom has always said that i could just get my second degree in whatever i wanted after i became a doctor, but i don't know if i would have the mental strength/energy/free time to go back to school after med school. i feel like if i grit my teeth and bared it for all my twenties i would lose the drive to do it my thirties. it feels like i've been putting off my living my life for my entire life. in middle school i thought about high school, in high school about college, and in college about post-graduate life. i'm tired of this constant look towards the future, but it's the only thing i know how to do. my brain is constantly asking "okay, and then what?"

if i go to med school and realize that i really can't do it, then i'll be trapped. it'll be too much debt to walk away from, too many years of my life dedicated towards that end goal of becoming a doctor. i feel like if i'm going to change my future plans, i should do it before sooner rather than later. 19 isn't too late to walk back but 26 might be.

but it's not like pursuing a career closer to what i want would be easier.

there's always this big fear in the background of, what if i fail? what if i risk it all to go to law school and i don't make it in? or i end up in a low-paying law job saddled with hundreds of thousands in student debt? or even if i make it to biglaw, i still end up burned out from all the hours that they work? wouldn't i still be miserable? i'm not super familiar with how law school works but i've done some lurking around @artielu's blog and law seems like something i should also go into in only if i'm sure.

(i'm not. i'm not sure of anything really.)

it feels like no matter what i'm going to be unhappy in the future. maybe everyone feels this way, maybe a certain level of unhappiness is normal in adult life. it just makes me feel so frustrated because i'm struggling so hard for what? idk. i'm also so desperately scared. i'm scared that one day i'll wake up in the my forties/fifties and realize that i hate my life. maybe i'll look back on this and lament how spoiled/whiny i was. idk. idk.

i'm not looking for an answer to this dilemma, i know this is a decision i'll have to make for myself, but i would appreciate any advice or even words of encouragement. thank you.

Welp. Okay, first of all, I am giving you a big virtual hug and sitting you down at your coffeeshop of choice. So imagine us talking there.

Second, thanks for pouring out your heart to me about this and your various other comments and chats over the years. I only know you as one of my favorite (shh) Tumblr anons on the internet, but I have always seen how thoughtful, smart, and hard-working you are, and I don't take it lightly that you trust me to listen to you and to give you good advice. (Or uh, let's hope, at least not bad advice? Jury's out.) Likewise, I'm absolutely sure that immigrant-child guilt is something to which a lot of my followers can very much relate, and would be happy to talk with you about. So if you are one of said followers and you'd like to encourage anon to reach out to you, please drop a note in the replies! I can't speak to this from personal experience, but I'd love to help connect you to others in your situation. Because yes, it IS absolutely a universal struggle for first- or second-gen immigrant kids: balancing cultural expectations of parents, American opportunities, feeling guilty if you do what you want, etc etc.

Third, and this is just me talking: if you absolutely feel this way, then no, I don't think you should go to medical school. I realize that this is far easier said than done, but if you continue to feel this strongly about it, then... you shouldn't be expected to do it, and that's just something that everyone in your family will have to come to terms with. After all, your parents came to America so you could be raised as an American, and there would be multiple pathways to success -- not whatever just they themselves had to do in order to get here in the first place. I'm afraid that you'll eventually have to bite the bullet and have an honest talk with your parents about this, but it may help if you present this as both your own success and THEIR success. After all, you're smart, talented, you have so many options, and you'll clearly succeed at whatever you choose to do. And that means THEY did their job right: they worked hard, they raised you right, they brought you to a place where there ISN'T just one narrow pathway to having a fulfilling and prestigious career. It doesn't mean they "failed" to make you a doctor. It means they succeeded in making YOU, and opening up so many more things for you to do.

Obviously: that's going to be hard either way, your parents are probably going to be upset, and that's very tough to deal with, especially if you're a close family unit and if you're financially dependent on them. You're the only one who can choose when to have the conversation and what might come of it, but it's still something that you do have the right to do. If you want to research other aid options or scholarship packages, or reach out to financial aid/admissions officers at other schools to see what it might take to transfer (that is, if you need to transfer), that's your right to do. You're an adult now and you have the right to take legal and personal responsibility for your own life. If you know what you want to do and how you want to do it: then again, isn't that why your parents came here? Isn't that what they were working to achieve?

Yes, academia is hard. No, there's no guarantee of getting a job. But there isn't the guarantee of getting a job in medicine either, especially if it's something you're forcing yourself to do and which (as you note) would impact negatively on you, your colleagues, and the patients you would be expected to serve. Especially post-Covid and in the American healthcare system: being a doctor/nurse/healthcare professional SUCKS! Even if you like it and feel called to do it, it still sucks, and the only people earning a lot of money from it are the senior/career/specialist types (as is the case in every field). Of course your parents have expectations and dreams for you, but they also don't get the right to control/dictate your entire adult life just by virtue of deciding to bring you into the world. After all, they did that, and that means embracing you as a person with your own choices. (And this goes for all people with controlling/bossy parents, regardless of immigrant or non-immigrant background). So again: this is what they wanted for you, and you've paid that off already.

I absolutely feel the "I spend all my time thinking/worrying about the future and being scared that I'll end up wasting my life" thing, which I think is common to a lot of high-achieving smart people (we are terminal overthinkers to a one). I can tell you now that life has a way of surprising you, and when you get a little older, you start becoming more comfortable with yourself, your accomplishments, your talents, and knowing what you're good at. So I don't think you will find that you've wasted anything. Likewise, when it comes to studying for advanced degrees in history: do you think it might help with your parents if you agreed to pursue a name-brand school? It's still not guaranteed, but trust me, going to a place like Harvard or Yale makes it tremendously easier to get a job or a future opportunity just by virtue of having that name on your CV and the people you will meet, and I have no doubt that you would be able to get in. As well, I don't really think your parents could argue with you going to an Ivy League, or think that you weren't applying yourself.

Likewise, if there is anything I can do to support you in this, please feel free to message me privately/off anon. I will write a letter of recommendation for you, I will see if I know a person who knows a person, I will help look at application materials, so forth and etc. I mean it: I WILL help you in the real world if I possibly can. I'm sure you have tons of other enthusiastic recommenders, but still. Also, I will say that despite the current (terrible) academic job market, I have seen quite a few openings for professors of African history/African studies/African-American literature and culture, and that's just in the US. There are also lots of opportunities around the world.

Anyway: I hope that's helpful to start with. I am giving you all the hugs. Please reach out to me again (especially via private message) if I can help with this in more tangible ways. And likewise, if any of my followers would like anon to reach out to them: please make a note in the replies. We can do this together.

#anonymous #ask #school stuff #academia: not even once #long post

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running--cats · 3 months

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Looking for advice from Argentinian trans people

Hello, we are a trans couple seeking to escape Russia. We were suggested to look into Argentina as a possible place to go. But we know next to nothing about Argentina (excluding what we could read on Wikipedia) and we want some guidance.

We are looking for people who either immigrated into Argentina as refugees, trans people living in Argentina, or ideally someone who's both. We want to know if there are any relevant resources concerning surviving while queer, like finding a safe place to live and a job.

Please, reblog this post even if you don't know anything yourself.

More relevant information about us under cut:

I am a trans man on T. Obtaining T in Argentina also interests me.

I am unemployed, my partner will lose their job when we move.

I'm interested in receiving IT-related education and finding an IT-related job.

We both speak good English, but only started learning Spanish recently.

We have relatives that can support us financially, but we don't know how money transfers are going to work, with Russian banks being blocked internationally.

We both aren't very healthy physically and mentally and probably will need access to doctors and prescription medicine soon after moving.

#transgender #transphobia #russia #argentina #t4t

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rockofeye · 8 months

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And what now?

I accidentally became a bit of a hermit. It certainly wasn't intentional or even really desired, but life moved in and sat squarely on my chest for the last few years. The load has lifted and shifted a bit, and so it is time for me to stretch out the places that became a bit atrophied and find my feet again.

For just over three years, most of my energy and mental effort went towards battling US immigration on behalf of my husband's visa. I tend to keep the things that are hard private, but...boy, the battle of a life time. It wasn't that there was something to do every day (more of a hurry up and wait situation), but more that trying to balance two households in two different countries with jobs, spiritual responsibilities, and generally trying to remain a person versus a screaming wraith on top of the creeping horror that is processes with the United States government was about all I could handle.

Dealing with USCIS and the National Visa Center and their general lack of fucks for the lives of US citizens and their families was way more than I could ever have imagined it would be. I would wait months and months for an acceptance letter, and then months and months for another acknowledgement, and then almost two years for the interview that would give approval for my husband to come live here. I spoke with senators and representatives and lawyers and advocated and basically anyone who would listen, and the reality is that USCIS and the National Visa Center operate extralegally and are not held accountable by anyone.

Double down with that the US has a real shitty mindset towards Haiti and Haitians, COVID, and the rapid crumbling of infrastructure in Haiti, and it took me taking my case to federal court to get them to give me the goddamn date for the interview that, by the time they gave it to me, was a formality. We've been married for just over 5 years and the stacks of proof of our relationship go past my waist, and he went into the interview with a suitcase full of receipts and photos and documents so they could not say no.

Alongside all of that, Haiti has suffered. There's no electricity, no water, sometimes no phone signal, the price of food skyrockets, hospitals had no doctors, and sometimes there was not even money to be found to fulfill transfers sent to support the people you care about. I'm honestly impressed that I made it to the other side, because there were times I really didn't think I would and where I spent a lot of time on the proverbial floor unable to do more than propel myself through my daily responsibilities.

However, in June, I spent a few weeks in Haiti while my husband went to the embassy, got his visa, and then folded his life in Haiti into a suitcase and got on a plane back to Boston with me. Another type of work unfolded as we both begin to adjust to new life; him to a new country and new culture and new language and new weather, me to having a new physical presence in my life. It's something that I wasn't sure would ever arrive, honestly, and it's arrival gave me the opportunity to fall on the floor in a new way: I don't have to hold everything up anymore. I spent the first few weeks looking at my husband and occasionally poking him because none of it seemed real.

My lwa are the only reason this became a reality. I pushed them hard to resolve the situation how I wanted. There were a lot of barriers (A LOT) and working up against an government juggernaut is fucking hard as hell, but they did it. I wasn't great about it all and there were more than a few times when my prayers started with 'listen, I am tired of bringing this to you' and yet they still entertained my exhaustion and frustration with not too much eyerolling.

I won, and I am grateful.

I recently sat with my lwa and told them it's time for something new. I finished this work, and there are some new things on the horizon, known and unknown. I have the mental space to create again and there is renewed studio space in the room where my lwa and his lwa live. I get to read books again. I get to plan for a future that I wasn't sure would arrive.

There are new things almost ready to come to fruition. There's a website getting built and there will be a SubStack and classes coming. While all of this was going on, a new book was published with one of my pieces in it, detailing my religious history and conversion to sèvis lwa. It feels good to journey back to my Self and to journey to what my Self will be.

#vodou #haitian vodou #real vodou #voodoo

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