Fluent Freshman - Part 14

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When Andrew came out of his bedroom to grab a second Allen wrench (he’s working on the frame of the dresser while Neil builds the drawers) he finds quite a few things to irritate him.

1st was the sound of his brother and his cousin arguing loudly. Andrew had been pretty clear that they needed to be quiet that morning but following Andrew’s clearly given guidelines was NEVER either of their strong suits.

2nd was the fact that there was a smell in the air that Andrew was unsure of. It wasn’t a bad smell. It didn’t smell like Nicky had left some component of the breakfast FF had bought to burn. Andrew sniffed the air again and…..lavender? It wasn’t really a smell that existed in the house of three college student boys.

3rd and most irritating was the fact that FF was not where Andrew had left him four hours ago on the couch. Again, Andrew had been pretty clear to both Nicky and Aaron that FF was to be left ALONE. FF hadn’t been able to go to sleep until Andrew had promised that nothing would happen to him while he slept.

He moves towards the kitchen table where Nicky and Aaron are eating some of the sour patch kids that FF had brought back as they argued, “He can’t be serious that Kate and I gross him out more than Andrew and Neil! I’ve seen how fast he walks away when they start getting gross.” He hears Aaron say.

“Aaron I have watched Smithy climb out a second story window because you and Katelyn started making out and he’d have to walk closer to you to go out the door.” Nicky returns. “I think you made him mad when you implied he was grossed out by Andrew and Neil. This is why I get spoon privileges and maybe, if Smithy is feeling forgiving, you can swipe your finger around the bowl.” he points at Aaron.

Andrew hangs back just out of sight.

He knows that FF does not like to be subjected to seeing PDA. A part of him feels…better at the confirmation that it really isn’t because him and Neil are both men. FF has seen them hold hands, kiss chastely, and lean on one another and been unbothered by that it was only when it started getting a little heated that  they’d realize that FF had left. FF never makes a scene about it, never scoffs in disgust or squeals in delight he just seems to see where it’s going and will leave if he doesn’t want to see it.

It’s nice.

“Well he’s probably mad at you for waking him up. Andrew said to leave him alone.” Aaron returns.

“He needs breakfast! He also has to take his ulcer meds at the same time so he had to wake up and eat something. He can go back to sleep after!” Nicky defends.

Andrew scowls. Ok. Nicky could live if that was the reason he woke FF up. Still, why the hell is FF in the kitchen and more importantly what bowl and spoon are Aaron and Nicky arguing over?

Andrew tunes his family’s argument out and heads to the kitchen to find FF putting a baking dish into their oven while incense burned on the counter (Andrew now realizes that was the thin box that had been in with the rest of the candy)

He sees the bowl and spoon that Nicky had mentioned and more importantly he can see the chocolate brownie batter on them. Andrew walks over to the bowl and picks it up. He wipes his finger along the inside and…

He closes his eyes for a moment to savor the flavor of the batter. He leans against the counter and his hand brushes against….a five hour energy bottle. Andrew knows he had thrown out the two he had found in FF’s bags before (Ulcer + exhaustion + FF = bad he didn’t need to be a math major like Neil to understand that math.)

Andrew shoves the bottle in his sweatshirt pocket as FF turns around and stares at him passively. FF’s eyebrow’s raise slightly but there’s no other reaction. Andrew considers that, perhaps, FF had wanted to lick the bowl.

He offers the spoon instead knowing it is the better prize but FF is the one who bought the ingredients and mixed together this amazing batter, so he gets first dibs.

“That wouldn’t be good for my stomach.” He declines and Andrew wonders if FF had taken his meds yet or, in his tired state, he’s forgotten to.

“When did you wake up?” Andrew asks.

“Hour ago.”

He should go back to sleep after he takes his meds but also knows that FF probably won’t go to sleep until the brownies are done.

“I’ll make the pie tomorrow.” FF says and Andrew blinks out of his thoughts.

Andrew decides to go get FF’s meds for him. He’ll make it clear to FF later that the guy doesn’t HAVE to keep making amazing desserts as a thanks for being invited to Columbia. If FF just so happens to WANT to keep making amazing desserts then Andrew isn’t going to be the person that stops him.

He shoves the spoon in his mouth and heads out to go find Smith’s bag and his meds.

Aaron and Nicky see him and both let out outraged noises as their quarry had been stolen.

Andrew ignores them and gets to the bag by the couch.

Who the fuck just has 14 bottles of five hour energy sitting in their bag??

***

When Andrew handed FF his ulcer meds he could admit to feeling grateful even if Andrew had obviously gone through his bag to grab it. He swallows it dry because Andrew is standing by the sink and he knows that until Andrew eats a brownie he is not in a position to ask for favors big or small.

(He learned his lesson from that one time with Captain Neil. If he wants to do anything related to Russian he has to be in the safety of his lofted bed under the cover of night and the cover of his…covers while he reads via flashlight. He will not be caught so flat footed again! These are all necessary precautions!)

Andrew seems to very much want for FF to be in prime condition for the hunt. Part of him wonders if he’ll be released amongst other game animals and FF had never felt more jealous of the turkey who got pardoned by the president the day before. Why does that stupid bird get all the luck? Where’s his presidential pardon?

That grateful feeling evaporates into a dust cloud as Andrew lifts a plastic bag, “Stop drinking these.” Andrew hisses, “They’re going to make your ulcer worse.” He points at FF.

“I need them.” He says.

“For what?”

“Five hours of energy at a time.”

“Pull out the brownies and go back to sleep Smith.”

“They still have 10 minutes.”

“Then I’ll pull them out in 10 minutes.”

“There’s a final step that I have to do once they’re fresh out of the oven.”

“What is it.”

“Smith Family Baking secret. I don’t make the rules.” FF gestures towards where the incense continues to burn, “Great Gran’s recipe and methods cannot be shared with non-blood relatives. My mom wasn’t even let in on the secret.”

Thank god

Andrew glowers at him.

Oh God

“It’ll be just 20 more minutes.”

Andrew’s eyes narrow at him.

“They’ll be worth it.” He pleads.

Andrew rolls his eyes.

“Go to sleep when they’re done. Take Nicky’s room.” Andrew commands.

“Take Nicky’s what?” Nicky leans into the kitchen.

“Smith is going to go back to sleep on your bed.”

“Yeah you look like shit Smithy. Don’t worry, unlike Neil and Andrew’s bed mine is all safe.”

Nicky zips out of the kitchen with Andrew hot on his heels. Nicky really is a good friend.

He performs the sacred rites necessary upon the brownies when they come out of the oven and takes a small corner piece to taste test and -

He closes his eyes and clasps his hands together in prayer.

‘Thank you Great Gran.’ He prays earnestly.

‘Remember to wash behind your ears’ he thinks he hears a whisper of grandmotherly advice in return.

That was probably normal.

He extinguishes the incense.

He cuts up the brownies, finds a decently sized plate, and sets the brownies out on the counter before he starts to work on doing the dishes. Yeah Yeah he could have been cleaning while he waited for the brownies to cook! That’s what you always do right? Clean as you go?

Well have you ever been baking brownies that might be the difference between life and death? No? Well then FF is just going to have to stop you right there because he had the oven light on and his eyes GLUED to these fudgey squares.

Who knows what the cousins’ oven would do? He doesn’t know this oven. He and this oven are taking their first whirl together and it could decide to turn on him at any time. They don’t have the brotherhood that he and the oven at his Gran’s house have built over the years! This oven could be one of those ones that maintain their temperature by turning on the broiler! He felt like he could never again recklessly trust an oven after he tried to make crescent rolls in the Viking Oven at his step father’s house and had gotten them back blackened by the broiler.

That oven had been the SINGLE thing he had been excited about during the kitchen remodel which means naturally it was the thing that had betrayed him.

He lets himself think of all the ways he hates the Viking brand as he finishes the dishes and puts everything back to where they belong.

He walks out of the kitchen with the platter of brownies and sets them down on the table where Aaron and Nicky are sat. “Oh my god they smell amazing.” Nicky says and immediately his hand is shooting towards the plate and picking up a corner piece.

FF valiantly resists the urge to slap his and Aaron’s hands away. He needs these to compel Andrew into letting him live.

“Oh wow, those do smell good.” He hears Captain Neil’s voice and when FF turns around Captain Neil and Andrew are both there. It is only in that moment that he realizes that he should have bought some vanilla ice cream to go with these.

Andrew’s love of ice cream was not unknown, probably even infamous. He was the man who, during the summer training, had been so possessive over the soft serve machine in the cafeteria that anyone who wanted any had to ask Captain Neil to get them a bowl or risk being threatened.

He starts towards the door. At this point Target probably isn’t even that bad, probably just some irate people who didn’t come with the rush and are mad they missed out, maybe some officers talking to witnesses on who threw cast the first Wii remote, and workers who will hate him marginally less (unless he gets the same check out person and they remember him (unlikely))

His progress is arrested by a hand grabbing his hoodie.

“Where are you going?”

“I forgot Ice Cream.” And he could get a five hour energy to slam on the way back home.

He then finds himself being pulled down an unfamiliar hallway.

Ah, the anticipation had been killing him more than the fear of his demise. His brownies had not contained the requisite amount of grandmotherly love to save him he had been relying on extract (Great Gran’s spirit guiding his hands) instead of organic (he does not have grandchildren or children for that matter)

Maybe ice cream would have been the deciding factor? He’ll never know.

He closes his eyes and lets himself be dragged. He’s too tired to fight.

A door opens, and he finds himself sat on a bed.

Weird.

“You are falling asleep standing up. Go back to sleep. I’ll leave you at Eden’s if you fall asleep in the booth.” Andrew threatens.

What.

FF knows about Eden’s.

He has heard about it from Nicky trying to get him to agree to go but he’s pretty sure it’d be like introducing an Amazon rainforest frog to the Sahara desert in terms of survivability for him.

“We’re going to Eden’s tonight?” He manages to ask.

Andrew raises an eyebrow at him but answers, “Yes.”

“I’m not really interested in clubs. I don’t drink out in public or dance.”

“Neither does Neil. I just drink. We can stay in the booth.”

“I don’t want to interrupt your time with Captain Neil.”

“It’s fine, neither of us hate spending time with you.”

“I don’t have clothes for a place like that.”

“Nicky grabbed some for you. You’re coming tonight. Go to sleep.”

With that Andrew pulls Nicky’s curtains close, shuts off the light, and closes the door.

FF, always very much like a bird when placed into a suddenly dark environment, starts to feel some of the  exceptional sleepiness that he’d been pushing off through sheer manic desperation to earn another day of life.

He lays down in Nicky’s bed and is tired enough that he can ignore the sheer amount of body glitter on the sheets (does Nicky excrete it like sweat??) and starts to let himself drift off to sleep.

Eden’s might be something completely out of his wheelhouse but-

A conversation with Nicky from when he’d been trying to get FF to go comes into his mind and he sits straight up in bed as Nicky’s words roll around in his head like stale hotdogs at a gas station.

“Eden’s is cool, even though there’s some sick shit in the basement.”

Eden’s is a Secondary Location with a BASEMENT.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

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The requests to be added to the tag list got spread out across a few different mediums on this one so if I missed you then just ask in the replies!

As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you  didn’t  get a notification there might be something switched around in  your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

( TIMOTHEE CHALAMET, CIS MAN, HE/HIM ) AXEL CAMPBELL the TWENTY-SEVEN year old is known as THE MAGNET within the group. they are known to be PASSIONATE and CONDESCENDING  which makes sense when you think about how HE SPENT TWO YEARS IN A CULT but i guess we’ll find out for ourselves.

✖ 𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬

↳ caard | introduction ↳ connections | plot ideas ↳ playlist ↳ pinterest ↳ musings ↳ visage

✖ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐬

full   name.   axel elias campbell

nicknames.   ax

age.   twenty - seven 

date   of   birth.   january 31, 1999  

place   of   birth.   california

gender.   cis - man 

pronouns.   he / him

sexual   orientation.   bisexual  

insipired by.  pactrick verona ( 10 things i hate about you ), sam weir ( freaks and geeks ), the narrator and sometimes tyler durden ( fight club ), holden caufield ( the catcher in the rye ), andrew neiman ( whiplash ), tom ripley ( the talented mr. ripley ), chandler bing ( friends )

✖ 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝

los angeles. there was nothing more axel hated that have been born and spend the first years of his life in this place. the kind of place where everyone's got their own script, their own lines rehearsed to perfection. yet, behind the glittering lights and palm trees he found nothing but emptiness, like a soundstage after the cameras stopped rolling. his abhorrence for it burned fiercely within him, especially considering he hailed from the part he despised the most: the affluent enclave.

thankfully, it only lasted ten years. michigan felt like a much better fit for axel. while not perfect, it offered a sense of space where he could disappear for days without bumping into anyone—a habit his parents despised since he often used it as an excuse to escape. but for axel, those moments brought a temporary peace, easing his aversion to so many other things.

axel's teenage years are a sore spot for his parents. a staunch rebel, he defied the constraints imposed by his family's wealth and status. despite being a bright student, he disregarded authority and boundaries at school, landing himself in the vice principal's office for truancy often. unlike typical truants, axel wasn't out indulging in vices; instead, he spent his days in the library reading or dozing off. while his behavior nearly led to expulsion on multiple occasions, daddy's money always managed to secure his place in school.

despite his introverted nature, axel had a natural charm that endeared him to others. he remained puzzled by this, but people were consistently drawn to him, leading to his popularity in high school. this popularity often clashed with his preference for solitude. while his twin brother reveled in hosting weekend parties, axel preferred retreating to his room to play drums or bury himself in a good book.

axel wasn't exactly the life of the party, but when he decided to join in, he had a way of turning the gathering into something memorable.

after graduating, axel found himself torn between the universities that had accepted him. ultimately, he chose to stay in michigan, pursuing a major in comparative literature and a minor in linguistics. however, a year before completing his degree, he quietly left without offering much explanation. he vaguely informed his parents that he intended to embark on a backpacking journey around the world, disappearing from most people's lives for two years. recently returning, he resumed his studies at the university but found himself adrift. that's why, despite the volatile nature of his relationship with aaron, he agreed to join him at his lake house.

growing up with ace as his twin was a mixed bag for axel. on one hand, having a built-in best friend and partner in crime was a source of comfort and joy. yet, ace's deep understanding of him also made axel feel exposed and vulnerable at times. their brotherly relationship was tumultuous, marked by highs of friendship and lows of conflict. currently, their bond was strained due to axel's unexplained departure. oftentimes, axel feels stuck in a perpetual tug-of-war between individuality and unity, never quite sure which side he belonged to.

✖ 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲

isfj, type 9 / the peacemaker (enneagram), melancholic (temperament), chaotic good, aquarius, ravenclaw.

for some reason he's charming, which he sees more as a disadvantage than a virtue. even when he tries to be obnoxious people don't take it that way.

much to his chagrin, he also has a naturing and protective personality. he struggles to say no. and if he trusts you and considers you a friend, believe it that you will have his loyalty till the end.

a fucking snob. not about money but he will judge you over your taste in music, movies and books.

while friendly and approachable, he can also be quite reserved and private, especially when it comes to sharing feelings.

very sarcastic, he tries not to be but he just can't help it. also a tad cynical.

typically laid-back and easygoing who prefers to avoid conflict and drama.

deeply impulsive.

✖ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

axel has been playing drums since he was five years old. his parents realize he would not be good at sports so they decided to channel his energy to music. much to his chagrin, he picked the most annoying instrument to have at a house.

learned russian just for fun but he can also speak french.

his guilty pleasure is watching reality shows. he's so ashamed for it.

no one knows this except for 3 people but he's extremely claustrophobic. the 3 people who know are the ones that got stuck with him on an elevator.

hates vegetables. he really does, he can't stand them. green juice? fuck that, should be illegal.

he's trying to quit smoking so that's why he always has tic tacs or gum with him to ease the anxiety.

can't do math for shit. so i bet he's been scammed several times with his change.

has a spotify playlist that lasts 700 hours of music.

the cult thing... if you've read the rumor that shawn mendes was in one, it was that one.

he was shocked when aaron d-worded, but didn't cry. i'm not saying he didn't care, he's just like well...

✖ 𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐨𝐧

the magnet

this is the leader, the one people always look to. he just always seems to have the answers and be protective of those he loves. this muse and aaron often butted heads over who was really leading the group. they are the fraternal twin to the spitfire. they are originally from california but moved here at 10 and have stayed in michigan.

Andrew!peter x male reader where reader feels like their drifting so reader starts inviting Peter to places and gets stood up and reader brings this up and basically expresses how they feel and Peter is too busy working until reader asks if he wants to break up, you can take it from there 🤭

i am taking it from there

masterlist

It is the best thing in the world to love Peter Parker. It also stands to reason, then, that losing him would hurt with just as great a power as gaining him for the first time. You have not lost Peter, not yet, although sensing it on the horizon is truly terrible indeed. All you can do is wait down the hours until he tires of the last pieces of you and leaves.

It must come soon, you know that. Peter is trying to live two lives in a world that barely gives you time for one, and it’s wearing him to pieces. He’s fighting a losing game as he tries to save both the city and himself, and although you know he cannot keep the battle alive forever, you didn’t count on one of his losses being you.

You suppose you’re just giving voice to useless speculation. As of right now, you are dating Peter Parker, and he has not done anything to make you think that ending things might be in the future. Then again, the reason you’re worried is because he hasn’t done anything to make you think that continuing your relationship could be in the future. He just hasn’t done much of anything at all, and that is precisely why you’re worried.

Peter is wonderfully focused when he finally gets around to it. He can do crazy things like become a superhero or design insane engineering projects and yes, love you when he puts his mind to it. The problem is that Peter has so many issues currently filling his plate that sometimes little things get pushed to the side. He once promised you that you would never be one of those cast-off pieces– but oh, is there nothing lovers like to do more than lie?

Peter had not intended that particular strain to be a lie. It didn’t seem possible that it could ever be a lie. When the two of you first started dating, he swore to the sun and back that you were the only person he would ever care for, that your love was the only thing he could ever need. For a while, you believed him. It seemed impossible that it could ever be anything other than true.

The night comes to every beautiful day, however, and soon enough you find yourself wondering if Peter was really right to be so hopeful or just blindly optimistic in the face of every other lesson he’s learned. His is not a life that allows for good things to last for long, and you fear that this moral is about to be proven correct once again.

Nothing feels more cold than Peter’s absence. He’s somewhere out there, you think, somewhere out in the city night, trying to keep the streets safe. Peter has tried to take breaks from the Spider-Man habit before, but they never last long. No matter how often he forces himself inside to focus on schoolwork or a job or you, he always ends up staring out the windows at the cityscape surrounding him. It’s like keeping a bird of prey in a cage; no matter how gilded the bars, he’ll always long for something more.

No, you could not keep him pinned down if you tried. That isn’t to say that you have tried, of course– you’ve done your fair share of tossing Peter to the winds. He always came back after every hitch and stumble in your grand shared plan for a future, and you never had to worry for long. Not like you’re worrying now.

Loving Peter gives you an extra view into how the city is slowly pulling him under. It feels like every week, Peter spends more time out there on patrols. At some point, he’ll stop coming back inside, and then you’ll have to wonder which of the dark alleys or twisting streets has claimed your boyfriend for good.

He’s still fighting for now, though, and you suppose that should make you happy. All it truly brings out in you is a sick sort of jealousy. You feel alone more often than not, and when you compare it to memories of how Peter used to give up everything for you, his empty gap in the fabric you’ve woven together over your shared life hurts even more than ever.

You’re standing alone on one of such nights. Peter had promised that you’d spend the night together, eating and studying and just trying to get by. When the sky deepens from sunset into hazy twilight and dark evening, though, you have to admit that he’s not coming. You clear his plate from the table (no food wasted, you’ve long since learned that you shouldn’t set out a meal unless you see the whites of his eyes) and content yourself to another night spent by yourself.

You’ve been able to pass similar evenings this way, in the company of no one but your own disappointment, but for some reason tonight it hurts even more than usual. Perhaps that’s because Peter specifically set up this particular dinner as an apology for the past other dates he’d had to cancel, but that’s been true of other empty afternoons as well.

In the end, maybe you have no reason at all other than your own slowly breaking heart. You knew that dating Peter Parker would come with its problems, but you hadn’t counted on being one of them. All you wanted was your boyfriend, but instead you’re sitting alone, sipping on tea that’s long since gone cold.

The weight of the sadness in the pit of your stomach lets you know that you can’t let this latest absence go by without another word. Most of the time, you’ve been fine with saying nothing, or letting Peter’s half-assed apologies do the talking, but you’re through with that now. The crushing bitterness is starting to fight back, to turn into anger as it claws its way back up your throat. Heartbreak isn’t a pretty thing of broken china and snapped flower stems, it’s acidic burns and choking screams. It is exactly the sort of rage that you feel now, more violent than any of Peter’s foes out there in the city.

You reach for your phone and dial Peter’s number without another thought. He picks up almost instantly, capable of giving you his time and attention only when he doesn’t have to face you. You put him on speakerphone so his voice can crackle around you. At least then he can have a physical presence in your apartment when he refuses to be there himself.

“You’re late,” you say as a hello, “Three hours late.”

Peter’s sigh comes across as a gust of static over the phone. “I know, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry.”

His words are half cut off by the sound of his footsteps running across the rooftop. He must be out there still, chasing down some criminal who’ll have more sway over Peter’s heart than his own boyfriend. You think you can hear glass breaking in the background, but of course that could just be your own heart gasping for release.

You think you say something else to him then, some vague hint that perhaps not all is well on the other end, but whatever syllables you do manage to choke out are drowned out by the sound of Peter getting into a fight again. He doesn’t answer for quite some time, and when he finally gets on the line again, he just says something about taking out a carjacker. His heavy breathing makes it impossible to say anything else for the next five minutes. Peter doesn’t say anything either, and you’re not completely sure that he hasn’t forgotten about the call entirely. 

In the time you have to yourself and Peter’s cooling adrenaline rush, you start to think. You are sick of this, sick of feeling unwanted by the one boy you love more than any other, even yourself. You want him, but you want you, too. Is it so much to ask for both?

You breathe shallowly, then speak at last. “Do you want to break up?”

It is funny, isn’t it, that throughout this phone call and many other similar ones before it, Peter has never quite mastered being able to pay attention to what you say when he’s out patrolling? Yet somehow when you say those six fateful words, he somehow gains the ability to hear you with perfect clarity. 

“What?” Peter asks, voice deathly still. 

You repeat yourself, although you have a feeling that he listened to the words perfectly well the first time around. “Do you want to break up? You’re never here, Peter, and on the few occasions that you’re able to call, you’re always busy. I don’t want to hold you back from what you love.”

“And you think what I love isn’t you? Y/N, I had no idea—”

You cut him off sharply. “But you would have if you had been here at any time. When was the last time you spent more than ten minutes around me? When was the last time you honestly tried to make an effort? I love you, Peter, you know I do, but this is not working. Surely you have to have realized that too.”

Unless he’s been so out of it that this all comes as a surprise. Judging by the heavy pause that follows your pronouncement, this may have been the case. You’ve all but given up hope on hearing back from Peter at all when a voice sounds from behind you:

“I had hoped I was wrong to realize it.”

It takes you a moment to realize that this sentence isn’t coming from your phone but the open window of your apartment. You turn around just in time to see Peter finish climbing over the sash. You had thought that the sound of wind whipping over the phone meant he was off fighting some other lesser evil, but he must have been swinging here instead. 

“I know I’ve been absent,” Peter continues, “I was foolish enough to think you wouldn’t notice. I don’t want the city, Y/N, not just for the sake of saving it. I wanted to do all this to keep you safe, but if it’s tearing you away from me, that’s worse. I can’t promise that I’ll give it up completely, but I can do better, I swear.”

You smile, unable to stop yourself. This is what you wanted:  proof that Peter cares, proof that he would be there for you if you only asked. 

“I don’t want you to give it up,” you tell him, “I just want you. Promise me you’ll show up a little more, alright? I hate spending all my days by myself.”

“I will,” Peter pledges, and you know he means it. Peter is many things, but not a liar in times of need. He may spin a fabrication about not being Spider-Man to those who don’t know, or come up with increasingly bad excuses as to why he’s out patrolling and can’t make dates, but at times like this, when it actually matters, he will save you as best he can. It’s what he always does. 

You feel yourself relax at last. “Alright, then. Consider my grievances addressed. Return to your Spider-Man behaviors as you please.”

“Actually,” Peter says, starting to pull off his suit, “I was thinking about staying here for the night. I can’t think of a better use of my time than being with you.”

Something in your chest lightens, lifting you high into the air. “That sounds good to me.”

And thus it is settled, the matter of Peter’s disappearances. It will not be perfect from here on out— Peter will always find himself called to the people in need of saving, you will always find yourself wishing that protecting the city didn’t take such a burden on the boy you love. 

Still, at the end of the day you will have Peter. You’ve made sure of that now. When times get hard, as they most surely will, it will be you and Peter until infinity. No promise has ever sounded so sweet. 

marvel tag list: @namoreno, @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv, @caswinchester2000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie, @23victoria, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @gods-fools-heroes, @w1shes43

requested by @fadedver, i hope you enjoy!

The Late Late Show (pt 5)

Andrew Garfield x famous! reader

One Rule Series

In which y/n and andrew are in fact not dating but no one is buying it and andrew may not be the only one with heart eyes for y/n

warnings: tiny bit smutty (mentions of sex), some handsy stuff, oral but barely, mentions of underage drinking, swearing, dumbasses in love, hot british men

all characters are 18+, reader is 20 Andrew is 21

(not proofread oop)

If someone asked you how you ended up with your back pressed against the wall of your dressing room with andrew’s lips on yours and his hand down your pants you’d tell them that you had absolutely no idea. When you had invited him to your dressing room to hang out you really did intend to watch a movie or something but turns out the tv in your dressing room doesn’t actually work so you just ended up talking. Andrew’s quite an expressive conversationalist and likes to talk with his hands and you can’t really help but let your eyes drift to them every once in a while. That night that you and Andrew had shared together was supposed to be a one-off: a get him out of your system type thing, but you think it might’ve made that little fire inside you glow a little brighter for him. You’ve been spending the last couple days attached at the hip and doing interview after interview with him and you’ve caught yourself letting your eyes linger a bit too long on his hands or his lips -god his lips- but honestly who could blame you? Especially now that you are very familiar with exactly how good they feel on your lips and on your-

“Earth to y/n” Andrew announces waving a hand in front of your face. “think I lost you there for a second”

“sorry I just uh- tired, what were you saying”

“just wanted to make sure that we” he gestures between the two of you “are okay”

“yea? why wouldn’t we be”

“no reason, it’s just- after the other night I just wanted to make sure that nothing changed ya know? I don’t want things to be different between us” he was lying. he wanted things to be different. As cheesy as it sounds, he wanted more with you. He wanted to wake up next to you, to hear you complain about your day, to take you on dates, to hold your hand while walking down the street. He wanted you to be his. But every time he got close to confessing the depth of his feelings to you the words got stuck and his throat and he was terrified that you wouldn’t feel the same and that it would ruin your friendship and he thinks not having you in his life at all might kill him so he decided to settle on taking whatever you’d give him. 

“don’t worry about it okay? I mean it was just a one time thing like just a nice night”

“oh wow ‘a nice night’ that’s all I get?” he says with a nudge to your shoulder.

“it was a nice night”

“yea but that’s what you should say about our movie marathons or i dunno- having dinner with your grandma, not us having sex”

“okay 1: we didn’t have sex, we hooked up and 2: please never mention me having sex and my grandma in the same sentence ever again”

“I mean if we wanna disregard the basic patriarchal idea of what sex is then oral sex kinda does count as-”

“stop using the phrase oral sex, you sound like an old man”

“alright then would you rather me just say I ate your pu-”

“andrew!”

“what? do you want me to be quiet so you can bruise my ego again?”

“I’m not trying bruising your ego, what’s wrong with me saying it was nice??”

“oh i don’t know, I was looking for more of an ‘oh andrew, it was mindblowing’-”

“i don’t sound like that” you add but he ignores you and continues his little rant.

“or at least an ‘it was great’ because with the way that i remember your legs shaking around my head ‘nice’ seems like a bit of an understatement”

“well maybe you don’t remember correctly” you challenge.

“well maybe you just need a reminder” oh... oh.

Andrew’s mouth tends to work a bit faster than his brain and he’s about to apologize for being so forward when you take a step closer to him because he’s not the only one that struggles with impulse control.

“maybe I do” yea, that’s the last straw for him and suddenly his hands are on your face, lips meeting yours as he back you against the wall of your dressing room and god do you hope these walls aren’t thin. It didn’t take long for his hands to travel south, playing with the waistband of the sweats you’ve been lounging around in. He separates his lips from yours momentarily to mutter an “is this okay?” to which you nod frantically. He brings his lips back to yours, slipping his tongue into your mouth as his hand ventures into your pants. You moan into his mouth when his fingers rub circles around your clit causing him to chuckle against your lips before moving his mouth to your ear.

“feel nice?” he definitely put some extra emphasis on that second word and you probably would’ve had a witty answer prepared for him if his fingers weren’t currently making your head spin.

At some point his shirt was thrown somewhere across the room he ended up helping you out of your sweatpants and underwear and was now on his knees in front of you, peppering kisses up your leg. He doesn’t waste much time before bringing your leg to rest over his shoulder and licking a stripe up your core that makes you shudder. His lips attach to your clit and your hand finds its way into his hair. 

Your mind was buzzing, fully intoxicated by him: his hands on you, lips on you, the way that he talked, the way that he smelled, the way that someone was knocking on your door-

wait what? Originally you thought you might have imagined it, that is until you hear another three knocks on the door that send both you and Andrew into a panic.

“shit, shit, shit!” you whisper yell as you and andrew separate from each other and start frantically searching for your clothes. “just a second!” you yell toward the door as you fumble to yank your pants that you’d found strewn across a chair up your legs.

“you need to hide” you direct towards andrew pushing him towards the closet in your dressing room.

“what why? can’t we can just say I was hanging out in here?”

“Look at us” and that’s when Andrew turns to examine your appearance in one of the many body mirrors in the room and takes in how disheveled you both look: swollen lips, messy hair, not to mention the fact that he was still shirtless.

“you know what I think I’ll hide”

“oh what a great and original idea that no one’s ever had before” you retort as andrew settles himself among your many outfit options and you slide the closet door closed before trying to look as presentable as possible to answer the door.

You pull it open and your eyes widen when you see your director, Mindy Kailing, looking back at you. Mindy ‘very successful woman in hollywood’ Kailing. Mindy ‘I literally only gave you one rule and it was not to get involved with your costar’ Kailing. Mindy ‘absolutely has the power to fire you’ Kailing.

“heyyy Mindy, sorry about the wait I was uh- napping”

“oh no worries dear” she starts, letting herself into your dressing room carrying a package. “now, I know they’ve given you plenty of options to wear for the interview tonight but we got sent this beautiful Versace dress that I just think you would love” she rambles pulling out what may be the most expensive looking dress you’ve ever seen. 

“I get to wear this?”

“of course, be careful though this thing costs about 7 college tuitions”

“oh”

“you’re going to look amazing, let me hang it up for you” she says before starting to make her way toward your closet and it’s at this point when you remember the very british, very shirtless, very much your costar and did you mention shirtless man that’s hiding in there.

“no, no” you interrupt her path by stepping between her and your dressing room closet. “we should uh- just keep it out here i mean, a dress like this should definitely be out in the light don’t you think?”

“I like the way you think!” she responds and hooks the dress into an empty display rack instead. “alright, they need you in the makeup chair in 10! also have you seen andrew? they sent a suit for him as well but he wasn’t in his dressing room when I checked.”

“nope” you respond probably a bit too quickly. “haven’t seen him but he’s probably somewhere you know him always uh- somewhere”

“right well if you see him let him know I left it in his dressing room”

“perfect thanks!” you reply shutting the door behind her as she exits. 

You let out a sigh of relief before heading over the closet to let andrew out. He scrambles out and stands up stretching his limbs.

“You know for a professional liar, you’re not a very good liar. how would you even take a nap in here? there’s not even a couch” he comments.

“well she bought it, didn’t she? so stop making fun of me and go get your suit”

“woww, you’re kicking me out? after I was so nice to you” he says picking up his shirt off the floor and he’s not even facing you but you can hear the smugness in his voice.

“shut up and get out”

“so bossy”

-

“ Welcome back to the Late Late Show” introduces James Corden. “Tonight, we’ve got two of the hottest stars on the planet right now, give it up for Y/n Y/l/n and Andrew Garfield!”

“Happy to be here James!” Andrew responds clad in his new suit that he simply looks far too good in.

“Well I am happy that you’re here. Now Andrew we’ve had you on the show before but Y/n you’ve just had an incredible past few months. You’ve just been nominated for a daytime Emmy award for lead actress in a drama or comedy series- one of the youngest to ever be nominated for that by the way, how are you feeling about all of this?”

“It’s crazy. I’ve never done anything on this scale before but the cast and crew is so amazing at what they do that it really just becomes like this big fun game of pretend that I get to do for a few months and I really hope we get to continue this story and find out what happens to these characters because I think I’ve grown pretty fond of them”

“And so has quite literally the entire world, ‘This is the Life’ is absolutely smashing all kinds of records right now and people are going crazy for it and especially going crazy for the dynamic between your characters, can you tell us a bit about that?” James asks.

“Well without giving any spoilers,” andrew begins “ I’m just really excited to see where they end up because they definitely tend to bicker like cats and dogs and are normally quite rude to each other for most of their interactions but I think in like this weird cosmic way Max needs Ash because she’s one of the only people that sees straight through this kind of facade that he’s built to protect himself so she’s kind of one of the few people who really sees him”

“I love that. People are absolutely losing their minds over the Max and Ashlynn dynamic. They’re calling them Maxlynn online, have you guys seen that?”

“Yea, I’m not going to lie I tend to lurk on twitter pretty often” you answer, “and I just find it so funny because Tom and Zendaya play Harry and Iris who are this adorable and stable couple with this super healthy foundation and relationship and then I’ll see tweets that are like ‘yea yea whatever wholesome love sounds great, but the ones that seem like they want to kill each other? yea, make them kiss in the rain right now or else lol’ and then they’ll like tag Mindy.” Your anecdote gets a laugh from andrew as well as James and the audience.

“Speaking of tweets, we got absolutely bombarded with them when it was announced that we were having you two on show. This fandom is no joke and we’ve got a lot of questions that came in for you guys so we thought it would be fun if we throw a few of these questions at you” James prompts.

“yea go ahead” “sounds good”

“Lovely, alright the first one is from user y/ndefenselawyer-”

“wow great username” you comment.

“absolutely and they want to know what is your favorite memory from set”

“oh gosh there’s so many” you start.

“the college party was fun” andrew comments to you.

“oh yea i almost forgot about that” you nudge andrew prompting him to tell the story.

“so basically on this show we’re playing a bunch of college aged kids and we are a bunch of college aged kids but none of us have ever actually been to college and I think it was actually Timothee’s idea but Tom will take credit for it if you ask him but the idea was that we should attend an actual university for a few days and the network was like oh yea that’s a great idea so they literally enrolled the seven of us into classes at USC for like 3 days” andrew starts.

“so you were all just taking actual college classes?”

you nod and add “yea and it worked out really well because we’re all the right age and the show cast hadn’t been announced yet and it’s like one of my first projects so I was chilling like no one was interrogating me but it was hilarious watching everyone else just gaslight anyone who came up to them like someone was talking to Florence and asked if she was in Little Women and she’d just be like ‘ugh why do people always say I look like that girl’ and like stomp away from them”

“That’s hilarious,” James comments “so what’s this about a party?”

“we had literally only been there for about a day and a half and somehow y/n had already gotten the entire USC basketball team to fall in love with her-”

“they were not in love with me” you remark swatting his shoulder.

“right right” he responds before mouthing a ‘they were in love with her’ at the audience which earned him some laughs. “so they ended up inviting all of us to this huge party that they throw every year and ya know, none of us really got the college experience so we were like well we have to go. And for legal reasons I’m going to say that the rest of this story is completely hypothetical so we all went to this like massive rager and were out until like 4 in the morning and had an 8 am call time to be on set the next day and we all show up ridiculously hung over, hypothetically of course, and when Mindy shows up to start shooting we’re all just exhausted laying on the floor of the break room and she walks in and observes all of our lifeless bodies on the ground and just goes ‘i don’t want to know’ and walks back out”

“Well now she knows” you added

“She does indeed, but I take it you lot had a great time”

“I loved it!” 

“ Speaking of love this next question is from user heartsgarfield, and they want to know... are you two dating?”

“well.... no” “mmm.... no we’re not” you and andrew chime in over each other.

“okay, you’re saying no” james responds

“correct” andrew replies

“can i be honest- I don’t believe you”

“we really aren’t” you add.

“there’s no way you two haven’t made out” James accuses and you get a momentary flashback to the earlier escapades in your dressing room.

“we haven’t” you insist, lying your ass off.

“why not? i mean you’re hot, you’re hot-” James gestures at the two of you.

“ya know, i’ve tried to make a move and she just tells me to get lost” Andrew jokes.

“wait so you have made a move”

“that’s not true, he’s a liar” you defend.

“see how mean she is to me” andrew earns a laugh from the audience.

“hold on let’s unpack this-”

“we’re just kidding we aren’t actually dating” you interrupt James.

“yea no we’re truly we’re not-” Andrew chimes in.

“you’re both suddenly getting very defensive” James accuses

“we’re not being defensive, we’re just saying we haven’t made out” you reply.

“i don’t believe you”

“I don’t care” you finish earning a round of laughter and applause from James and the audience.

“Alright we’ll be right back with more Late Late Show after the break!”

-

“Welcome back to the Late Late Show, we are here with Y/n Y/l/n and Andrew Garfield from the new hit series ‘This is the Life’ now streaming on Netflix. Now y/n” James directs his attention towards you.

“uh oh” you respond which gets some laughs.

“a little birdie told me, you’re quite the music fan. I’ve heard that being a bit of a music fanatic is quite your style”

“oh god”

“it seems that your fans have noticed this as well” James laughs, “and if you turn your attention to the screen we’d like to share this fan made video beautifully titled y/n y/l/n mentioning harry styles in interviews for a minute straight”

“oh no way” Andrew laughs from beside you.

You bury your head is your hands as the video plays of you talking about how much you loved harry styles and bringing him up every chance you got and you just keep your head down until the video ends.

James clears his throat “So are you a Harry Styles fan cause I couldn’t really tell how you felt about him from the video it’s a bit unclear”

“you’re sick James,” You shake your head at him.

“You know what would really be sick is if Harry Styles was here right now”

“James-” you warn.

“That would be really crazy”

“don’t- James I cannot mentally do this right now” You start panicking which sends Andrew into a fit of laughter and applause.

“You know we’re friends right-”

“James I’m being so serious-”

“like how crazy would it be if he was just right over there” James teases gesturing to stage left which makes everyone look.

“well he’s not there” James states gaining laughs from everyone as you place your hand over your heart to calm your nerves.

“god that was so stressful” you sigh.

“yea he’s not over there. and that’s because he’s right over here, ladies and gentlemen welcome tonight’s surprise musical guest Mr. Harry Styles!”

You think your heart might’ve stopped as Harry walked in waving to the audience before shaking hands with James, and then Andrew, and finally comes to greet you with a hug and a “Hi love, wonderful to meet you, you look amazing” and you return his sentiment before he takes a seat on the other side of you.

“so y/n how are you feeling?” James asks.

“i literally have no idea what’s happening” you respond.

“if it makes you feel any better, I’m quite the fan of you as well” harry comments.

“shut up”

“mm serious, I think I binged your show for like 3 days straight”

“i think i binged your album for like 3 days straight”

“See how lovely is that” James adds “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll be back with a perfomance from Harry Styles after the break!” James cuts to commercial as you continue to chat with Harry, unaware of the way that Andrew shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

-

There’s no way that that just happened. You essentially just made you late night show debut and got to meet a super hot celebrity crush all in one night and your still trying to process it all when you return to your dressing room, immediately removing your heels and crashing on the couch. The couch? Last time you checked, your dressing room didn’t have a couch and that’s when you look around and notice the rack decorated in a multitude of different suits and are starting to put 2 and 2 together before Harry just does it for you and walks into his dressing room startling you and causing you to jump up from the couch.

“m’sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you!” Harry states seemingly more concerned with the thought that he might’ve scared you rather than wondering why you were in his dressing room in the first place.

“I’m so sorry, I thought this was my dressing room. They took the name cards down and I didn’t realize that this wasn’t-”

“no worries, love. no man in their right mind is going to complain about finding a beautiful woman in his dressing room, but I’m sure your boyfriend is waiting on you”

“my boyfriend?” you question.

“don’t worry, I won’t go telling any tabloids on you but I’m just assuming that the guy who follows you around like a lovesick puppy would be your boyfriend” andrew.

“oh we aren’t- I mean he’s not my boyfriend” you respond, hopeful that Harry didn’t catch the tinge of sadness in your voice at the phrase ‘not my boyfriend’.

“does he know that?” he asks to which you just respond with a dry laugh and decide on changing the subject.

“so did you see my whole fangirl meltdown out there?”

“course not” he responds immediately before proceeding to go “James I can’t mentally handle this right now James I’m being so serious”

“oh god, that’s so embarrassing”

“I thought it was cute”

is harry styles flirting with you right now

“I should uh probably get going and-”

“have you got any plans later?”

“uh unless you count a date with my couch then no”

“well if your couch doesn’t mind, would you like to come to a party with me?”

did harry styles just ask you out?

-

next part

a/n: hot british men obsessed w y/n alert!!! sorry this part took so long guys i’ve been swamped with homework. anyways I’m picturing like 20-21 yr old harry for this story so like prince hair era but you can picture whichever one you want!

tags: @myrapottah​ , @redgetawaycar​ , @eatmyblackass​ , @rellasnowheenim​ , @raginghellfire​ , @percysaidnever​ , @twsssmlmaa​

That’s the thing about illicit affairs

Pairing: Andy Barber  x Reader

Warnings: Soft!Dark Andy, Swearing, Alcohol consumption, Sexual themes, mention of cheating, drama. If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: HIIIIII. I’m going to have my upper wisdom teeth surgically removed tomorrow since they’re impacted. Lol huhu I got my lower wisdom teeth removed back when I was a junior in college and I remembered it hurting so bad I had to miss univ for a week. Pray for my fast recovery plz. I remember that it hurt a lot, but I forgot how painful it was.. Time does that, doesn’t it?  Anywayyy thank you for the support, likes, reblogs, replies, for following my account! I hope your days are always as beautiful as Helen of Troy!

You were my Helen, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, End

Andy's face flashed a brief recognition, brief surprise, and a brief panic before he was able to school his expression to nonchalant. This was never part of the plan, he never intended for you to be dragged onto this mess- his mess. His years as a practicing attorney afforded him the ability to remain calm despite the shock that was you.

He smiled at you and Laurie, his wife. He walked confidently to her, before planting a kiss on her cheek. He unbottoned his jacket before sitting beside his wife. "I'm sorry." He looked directly at you briefly before smiling at his wife, "I hope I'm not too late."

He was.

How could he act like he didn't know you, like he didn't spend days and nights with you, like he didn't live with you, like he hadn't been inside you- as if you were nothing, as if you didn't matter. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, you wanted to disappear. The truth was screaming right at you, the truth was sitting in front of you. And you couldn't do anything. You felt so powerless.

You were flabbergasted. You had been living a lie for the past months. You felt so stupid. You were frozen, and you didn't notice that you were shaking.

"Dear? Are you fine?" Laurie's sweet voice asked you as she noticed you remained standing.

You breathed deeply before slowly releasing a shaky breath. You sat down slowly, elegantly. Finding your composure, you looked at her again, your demeanor back to being a professional journalist. "I'm fine, Laurie." He ruined your life, but you would make sure he would never ruin your career. "Shall we continue?"

You shoved down your emotions as best as you could, but you couldn't stop your hands from shaking. And he noticed. He noticed everything about you. But why were you so blinded when it came to him?

Andy looked at you worriedly, "We don't have to do this if you aren't well," he said softly, his eyes on you, but his whole demeanor was off. He was offering you a way out of this mess. He felt sorry for you- you could see it. But if he did, then why did he lie to you? So this was who he really was, Andy Barber the CEO, Andy Barber- the one who broke your heart, betrayed you, and made you a fool.

Laurie held on to Andy's muscular arm before looking at you with concern on her face. How could Andy cheat on his wife when she was this wonderful? How could he do this to her? To you?

"Yes, dear. Andrew's right. We can reschedule this some other time."

You breathed in shakily, before mustering the courage to smile at the couple in front of you- the one you didn't know until now that you almost ruined.

"No, I'm okay. I'm sorry about that. Shall I continue?"

And you did.

Looking down at the paper you were holding, "You've mentioned how you needed a partner you can trust in order to be successful, can you tell us about how you found each other?"

Laurie looked so in love at Andy who was only silent, before telling you how they met when they were younger, how Andy had a vision for the company, how he was so ambitious that she could not help but say yes to him. "I am really so lucky that I found a man like him, you know?"

You did know. Because you loved the same man.

She smiled at you, before looking down at your ring finger. Her eyes widening, "Oh I missed it, you're engaged, dear?"

Andy froze upon his wife's question. You gritted your teeth. You could not believe he had the audacity to ask for your hand in marriage when he was already married. Did he have fun playing with you? Did he have fun manipulating you?

Did he have fun breaking your heart?

"I was. Not anymore." You answered briefly, your eyes focused down on your notes.

Andy clenched his jaw from your answer. He wanted to be mad, to be angry- but he knew he was the one at fault here. He could not blame you. But still, you were his. He was a bastard for promising you forever when he could not do it. He was a selfish man for securing you for himself, when you could not have the whole of him. And you deserved better than this. You were just soldiering through the interview, swallowing down your self-pity in order to finish the job. You were a strong woman, and your mother did not raise a quitter.

"I'm sorry about that, dear." She said solemnly. "I'm sure you'll find someone better than him."

"I will."

And you would make sure of that. You would find someone who was true, who was not hiding you, who was who he said he was. The next time love found you again, you would look for the signs, you would listen to other people, you would not jump without thinking. You could feel Andy's eyes on you.

"It says here that you had a son..." you trailed off as your eyes voluntarily went to Andy's. He had a son? You could not believe your eyes. This was too much for you. For today. For this month. For this year. "If you don't mind me asking, how did this devastating event change the course of your lives?"

Laurie smiled sadly, her eyes becoming glossy, "His name was Jacob. He was seven when he died from a car accident. W-" she breathed in deeply, holding onto Andy's arm for support, "We put up a foundation for children. We take then under our wing, send them to schools, fund their educations. You know? Something we can no longer do."

They lost a child?

"I promised myself," Andy spoke for the first time, his baritone voice resounding on the office walls. You dared not look at him, you could not. You were barely hanging on a thread as it was, just wanting to finish the job so you could deal with your heartbreak. "that when I get the chance to be father once again, I would give everything to him, that I would be the best father. I will make sure he has everything he could ever need, that he will have a complete family."

You looked up to him, his dark eyes looking straight to yours.

It was an hour with Andy and his wife when you reached the end of the interview. You smiled professionally at the couple in front of you before offering your hand to Laurie who accepted it with a warm smile.

"I really am sorry," you smiled sadly at her, "for the late substitution." and for falling for your husband.

You had no choice but to do the same with her husband. He offered his left hand to you. Not having any choice, you accepted his hand. His large hand clasped yours tightly, before briefly running his fingers on your ring.

It took him a moment before he let go of your hand. You refused to look at him again as you walked away from them, from his life.

You walked out of the building, your heart started breaking. Only when you entered your car did you let yourself feel. You let yourself feel the betrayal, the shame, the sadness. You wanted it all to be a dream, but it wasn't. This was your reality, this was how the love that you felt, that you poured, that you experienced, ended. There was no potential happy ending with this. And you knew, at the back of your mind, Andy was not who he said he was. There were warnings- warnings that you chose to overlook because you were a fool in love.

They said what you don't know won't kill you.

They were wrong. It did kill you.

You were hunched over your steering wheel, your shoulders shaking as you cried your heart out, as you finally let yourself be weak. You jumped when someone knocked over your window. You looked at him over you tear-stained eyes.

He was looking at you with worry in his eyes, his brows furrowed. You looked around the parking lot with panic you have never felt before. What was he doing? What if somebody saw this?

You were scared because now you knew you were a mistake, that this was a mistake, that this should never have happened in the first place.

That you were his fucking mistress. No matter how unwilling you were, he made you his.

"Open the door, Helen," he pleaded as he knocked again. You shook your head at him viciously. You were starting your car when he started pleading more. "Helen, baby," he tried opening the door that you luckily locked, "Open the fucking door. Let me explain, please."

Did this man have no shame? The only good thing with this was how deserted the parking lot was seeing as it was an off time. You looked at him, tears streaming down your face. Could he not just let you go with whatever dignity you were left with?

What was there left to say?

He was married. For fuck's sake, he was a married man and he asked your hand for marriage. How fucked up was that? How fucked up was he?

"You're dead to me." You said so quietly, but he heard it. He heard the hurt, the pain, the anger in your voice. And for a second he stopped trying to get to you. Only when you tried to drive out of the parking lot did he start panicking once again, knocking over your window so hard you thought it would break. He was simultaneously trying with all his might to open your car door. "Helen," he called at you, "Helen, baby please. Stop. Let me talk to you. Stop running away!"

He even moved with your car, but you that only made you more insistent to get away from him, from this nightmare that was him.

You didn't look back as you left. There was nothing more for you.

By some miracle, you made it at your shared apartment. You didn't know where to go, but you were sure it wasn't here. You were lost, and now you didn't know where home was. You went straight to your huge walk-in closet, the one Andy was so happy to fill with your clothes beside his. He had the audacity to play house with you when he was a spoken man, when he was married. You were wiping your eyes angrily as you shove your clothes in your bag. You would only take your essentials.

You were putting your passport, makeups, and whatnots in your other bag when you heard the front door slammed against the wall. His heavy steps could be heard as he called for you, agitation apparent on his voice. You hurriedly closed your bags, lifting it up and wanting to escape now. You would come back for the rest of your stuff- but for now, you could not stay.

Just when you exited your bedroom, Andy saw you. His eyes wide, his breathing heavy as he walked closer to you. His steps were big as he closed the distance between the two of you. "Thank God you're here." He whispered. He was about to take you in his muscular arms, the one Laurie held mere hours ago when without thinking, your hand found his face, slapping him as hard as you could. His head faced to the side from the impact, his skin reddening.

Slowly, he turned his head to you. His pleading eyes found your resentful ones, "I thought you left me already." He breathed a sigh of relief before his eyes found your bags behind you.

"You're leaving me?" he began as you stepped around him. Andy's hand found your bag, wrenching it away from you, "Where are you going? You're leaving me? Why are you leaving me?"

Still not meeting his eyes, you tried to get back the bag he was hiding from you, expertly maneuvering his body so you could not reach it. "Helen, you promised me you wouldn't leave me when things get messy. You promised me! Were you lying to me?"

You froze. You looked up at his blue eyes, looking at him for the first time and truly seeing him. He was no prince charming. He was not going to save you. You should have known better.

He was Helen, who was unhappily married to Menelaus.

He was Delilah, who was the one who betrayed Samson leading to his demise.

He was Cleopatra, who only used Julius Caesar for her gain.

And the worst of it all, he was Hades, the one who trapped Persephone, giving her no choice but to stay with him in the underworld.

"Then that makes the two of us, don't you think Andrew?" your voice held the contempt you had been feeling. He had lied to you so much that you were blinded by him. He had lived a double life too carefully he could have gotten away with it far longer if fate had not decided to intervene, if God didn't take pity on you.

But thank God, He did intervene. Otherwise you would spend your life so utterly in love with the man you really did not know.

Andy was silent, but his eyes held the same panic that he bayed when he saw you back in Boston. He was still holding your bag away from your reach. "So now, what? You're just gonna leave me when things get difficult? Is that it, Helen? I thought you love me!"

You could not believe him. You really did not recognize the man standing in front of you. Yes, he looked just like the man you loved. But he wasn't that person, anymore. Now that you knew who he really was.

"I love you." you stated so certainly it left no doubt on his mind. "I do."

He shut his eyes tightly, tension radiating from him. "I love you, too." he whispered so softly, so contrasting to his body language, "And I know- Helen, I know we can get through this. I'll do all the hard work, all you need to do is to just stay with me. Helen-I swear, you will not be hu-"

"But I don't think I can love you anymore because right now all I feel for you is hatred."

Andy was weakened by what you declared that you were able to snatch your bag away from his hand. You didn't realize you were crying. You looked at him before turning your back on him. You were almost to the door, your hand opened it when Andy's large hand slammed the door down. His muscular chest flattened behind you.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you."

"We are not yet, done. We will never be done-"

You turned to him so abruptly that his face softened when he saw the state you were in, with your tear stained cheeks, swollen eyes, and crushed expression.

"Was it fun playing with me? Was it fun making a fool out of someone who only loved you?"

Gently, Andy pulled your farther away from the door. He blocked the door with his muscular body, "I'm telling you, Helen, I will fix this for us! I will leave her, I will-"

You thought you had already lost it, but hearing him justify what he did, hearing him showing no remorse made you saw red. You thrashed against him, pulling your arm away from him. You created distance between the two of you, "You made me think I was crazy." you accused him. Your eyes went down to that big stone sitting on your ring finger. And it disgusted you how your relationship was built on a lie, on a pretense of a future that could never happen. "You accused me of cheating on you when between the two of us, it was you who made me a cheater! A mistress! Your whore!

"You are not a whore! I will not have you calling yourself that! You are the love of my life, Helen."

"Why can't you just let me go? Please just let me leave." you sobbed over your hands.

"No. You're the one for me."

"You're fucking married, Andy!"

"Yes. I know. I told you I will leave her! I will come back for you! I love you!" His voice was increasing now, willing for you to understand him.

And right then and there you knew he would not go down without a fight. He was a man who knew what he wanted. And he would get it no matter what. Right now, what he wanted was you. He would never give you up.

Finally, you fell silent. It was dawning on you that you could never win against the Attorney Andrew Barber. No matter what you said, he would never changed his view that you were his. He would not let you win. And you were just so damn tired that your knees gave out. Andy was quick to kneel in front of you. His hand was caressing your cheek, looking at you with so much conviction and love.

You were never scared of Andy. He had always given you a choice before, but now? Now he was taking charge. Now he was boxing you in to the life he wanted for himself. And the feeling of being directed to what you should feel was making you nauseous. Was it because you hadn't eaten? Was it because of the revelation you had seen today?

Changing tactics, you held on to him, leaning into his arm, "I just want space to think about this." Looking deep into his eyes, you willed your face to soften, "Can you please give me that? Please?"

Andy looked into your eyes, trying to read your mind. He looked skeptical, but only when you leaned in to kiss his lips did he soothe the tension in his body. He agreed to leave you be for the day but only after he kissed you harder, kissed you deeper as if he wanted to mark you from inside out.

You moved fast once he left, making sure that you took everything you would ever need. You had a hunch that you shouldn't go back- and this time you were listening to your instinct. Andy was someone you shouldn't have ever danced with. He was Hades incarnate.

You went straight to the only one who could understand you- your bestfriend, Jayson. He opened the door to their house, took one look at you disheveled form, and pulled you in to embrace you. "Oh, honey." he breathed in, guiding you inside his house.

"He's married." You started once you calmed down enough to sit in his dining room. You looked up when he didn't say anything. He pursed his lips and was avoiding looking at you when you pieced it together, when you remembered his warnings, his looks directed to Andy, to his wedding day.

"You knew."

This was a long-con, and the only person who wasn't in it was you. Because all of them made you a fool. "You knew? And you didn't tell me? Why?" you were trying to make sense of it all. You thought by now your tears had ran out, but by each betrayal, you felt more devastated as ever. Was there no one you could trust?

Jayson looked tormented, "I-I wanted to tell you, believe me. But Andy," he rubbed his forehead, "Andy has a hold on Edward's business. Andy threatened us, threatened him- that if you knew there would be hell to pay. That only thing I could do was to warn you of him. I'm so sorry." He stood up to hug you.

Just how evil was Andy? Just how far would he go for you? You said yes to the man you didn't know, and now there would be castigation because just he wouldn't let you leave him.

You slapped his hand away before standing up so abruptly that you couldn't stop yourself from falling down, losing consciousness as you went.

You did not know how many hours you lost. Opening your eyes slowly, you heard Jayson talking quietly to his phone as he held your hand. You looked around you, and you were in a bedroom. Noticing that you were finally awake, Jayson stood up, quietly assisting you to sit upright.

He was looking at you with pity. And only when you looked at your hand did you see a dextrose connected to your vein. "W-what happened?"

"You lost consciousness...I called a doctor, honey," he started, before slowly sitting on the bed. He clasped your hand in his, before continuing, "did you know?"

Know what? Your face must have showed your confusion because he closed his eyes so tightly, as if it pained him that your life came to this, as if he did not want to say it.

"Y-you're pregnant."

————

Please take note that I give no permission for my work to be reposted or published anywhere other than on my Tumblr account.

REBLOGS ARE MUCHOOO APPRECIATED!!! If you made it this far, comments are highly appreciated!  Also, I don’t own Andy Barber’s character and any of their work, this is just purely a fanfiction written by a fan!

Good little girl

*gif is not mine*

Note - Requested by @holacia2 and a part two to good little wife. And special thanks to @gotnofucks for all her help! I'm so overwhelmed with all the love that fic got I hope y'all like this little follow up as well❤❤

Dividers by @firefly-graphics.

Summary - Married life isn't always easy. Will you be able to solve your problems?

Warnings - 18+ only explicit sexual content, younger woman/older man, daddy kink, soft dark!Andy, SO MUCH MISOGYNY, housewife kink, innocence kink, (accusations of) cheating, arranged/forced marriage, spanking, possessive Andy.

Pairing - Mob!Andy Barber x reader

Word count - 4.9k

Masterlist is linked in the bio and the pinned post!

You handed your mother the brownies you had baked, she thanked you, telling you how it was so unnecessary, before Andy placed the wine you had gotten on the way over on the kitchen counter.

“Why don’t you go keep your father in law company, Andrew?” your mom told him. He only nodded before making way to his boss.

“So? How are things going with him?” she asked. “You are positively glowing honey! Do you have any good news yet?”

“Mom!” you gasped.

Over the past seven months you had only seen your mother a handful of times. You were still a bit upset with her for marrying you off to an older man you barely knew, a man who you thought despised you so much he refused to even touch you.

You knew she didn’t really have a say in it. Your father never really valued her opinion, there was no way she would’ve been able to stop it but she hadn’t even so much as tried.

“No, I don’t. And I won’t any time soon,” you huffed.

While being a mother was something you’d like to experience someday, you didn’t know if you were quite ready for it yet. Which was good because Andy didn’t want kids for the next few years either, he had taken you to a doctor to get you on birth control as soon as the holidays were over.

He stated that he wasn’t ready to share you just yet. That he wasn’t sure he wants his kids to be a part of the mob, which you didn’t want either.

“Oh, but you have to, cookie. I need a distraction. Being a mom is all I’ve ever known and ever since you left the house has been so empty.”

“Well, what about daddy?” you frowned. He had never really liked spending time with your siblings or your mother, but to leave her be on her own like that.

“He’s always with Charlotte,” she rolled her eyes. “I would’ve been fine with it, he’s always been like that, can’t expect him to change now, but he brought her here, now, to a family dinner.” She sighed in resignation.

You had heard a familiar high pitched annoying laugh upon coming home, but you thought that to be one of your brothers floozies.

Charlotte, or Cherry, used to be a good friend of yours in college. Before you brought her home for the holidays of your freshman year and she decided to shack up with your married father, who was almost thrice her age. You lost touch with her after that.

“I’m telling you, honey, a kid is a good way of securing your marriage and starting a family. You are young now... but you will grow old someday. Andrew’s a good man... but he is still a man at the end of the day.”

You scoffed at that, “I won’t have you talking that way about my husband! We are already a family, we’re in love each other and he’s nothing like dad.”

She gave you a teary smile, “Young love--is just so innocent and beautiful. You always see the best in people, cookie. I hope I’m wrong about this. Any man would be an idiot to not appreciate you.”

“Andy does appreciate me. And take good care of me, ma...” you trailed off.

He did take good care of you. After the night you consummated your marriage he brought you breakfast in bed. He hadn’t kept his hands off of you for the past few weeks, doting on you any chance he could get, telling you he loved you every chance he got.

But you wondered... did he love you?

The kind of love you’d only ever read about in classical novels. The kind of love you’d dreamt of having ever since you could remember, the kind you thought you once had with someone, but didn’t. You didn’t love Alex the way you love Andy. You were in love with the idea of Alex. You knew Andy now. You knew how kind, passionate and fierce he was, your love for him consumed every single part of you. Where you would literally die for him.

But did he love you for you. Or was he just lonely because it was Christmas. You had avoided taking the tree and the decorations down, begging him, even dropping to your knees and making love to him with your mouth, you didn’t know much but Cherry had taught you that you could get men to do anything for you just by kneeling before them.

While he was very obviously pleased with your passion, returning the favor tenfold, till your thighs burned from his bread and you were shouting for him to stop, he still took the decorations down. He said he wanted to start anew this year. He made a resolution to be the best husband he could.

But you were going to protect your heart this time, hope for the best but still prepare for the worst.

Unfortunately, you had been seated next to Cherry. You found out that your father was living with her now and that while she had hoped he’d leave his wife for her there, but apparently there was no such luck.

“They never leave their wives do they,” she shook her head. “Oh I’m sorry! I shouldn’t be saying these things to you...”

“Its alright,” you shrugged. It would be hard to see your mother be unhappy but there was never any love between your parents. Your mother had learned to live without him and find happiness in other things, and other people, she was just a bit more sneaky about it.

“Well...” you hesitated “how do you keep a man?”

“What kind of question is that?” she giggled. “There are many ways to keep a man but you’ll have to be a bit more specific...”

You ended up changing the subject. The kind of questions you wanted to ask were not suitable for the dinner table, and you didn’t like the way Andy was staring daggers at the pair of you, almost displeased with the two of you chatting.

***

You smiled at him from the passenger seat when he put his hand on your knee, giving it a light squeeze. He had been quite the whole ride home so you decided to speak first.

“Can’t believe Cherry’s like my... step mom.” You laughed out loud at such a ridiculous notion.

“Step mom?” he furrowed his brows, turning his head to look at you.

“Oh I’m just joking,” you waved him off. “Dad would never leave my ma. He’ll move on to another one soon enough.”

He hummed, nodding, “Alright. I was just worried she was troubling you at dinner.”

“What would you have done if she was? Would you swop in like a knight in shining armor and save me from the big meanie?”

“You know I would,” he smiled.

You had asked for a piggy back ride from Andy from the garage to your home, he rolled his eyes and tried to say no but then gave in when you used your princess eyes on him.

He placed you on top of your bed, kissing the tip of your nose, he started unbuttoning his shirt to get ready for bed.

“Andy... um... Daddy?” you corrected yourself instantly.

He liked you addressing him as that whenever you both were alone, he had warned you that you would receive a punishment if you ever failed to comply.

You didn’t know what his punishment would be and you didn’t plan on finding out anytime soon. You’d withhold all affection from him if he ever dared take away the platinum card from you, or lower your allowance as your father had told him to at the dinner, ‘to tame you' supposedly.

But that wasn’t a very good plan... what if he just looked for love elsewhere.

“What is it, honey?” he asked.

“Um... do you think... you would ever take a mistress?” you gulped and prepared yourself for his answer.

“I wouldn’t...” you sighed in relief, “one woman is enough trouble.” he said flatly.

“Daddy!!” you whined, stomping your foot on the floor and folding your hands over your chest.

And he had the audacity to laugh. His laughter at your expense only fuelled your anger. “Do you want to sleep on the couch tonight?”

He finally stopped laughing, “Look at you being a big girl,” he tried to pinch your cheek but you swatted his hand away. “You don’t wanna be daddy’s little girl anymore?” he pouted.

“No... no I do!” you answered all too eager. “I’m sorry...”

“I’m sorry too, honey. I shouldn’t be making fun of you.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” you hugged his hard stomach, rubbing your cheek against his undershirt. “It’s mean, and you promised not to be mean to me.”

“I was just teasing,” he cooed, stroking your hair. And while you knew that and secretly enjoyed it even, you still wanted a serious answer out of him.

“I intend to keep my vows forever. There is just no way I could ever want anyone who’s not you.”

“Really?” you propped your chin on his abdomen, looking up at him through your lashes.

“Promise.”

***

“Um... I’m here to see Andy,” you told the lady sitting outside of, what you had been told was Andy’s office, you assumed her to be his secretary Erica.

You always packed a lunchbox for Andy, always remembering to leave a sweet note for him and he would always call you to thank you for it. You also made sure to have dinner ready before he got home on the nights he wasn’t taking you out on the town. It was just your duty as a good wife.

But Andy had been working way too much the past couple of weeks. Where he would be gone before you wake up and be back when you were already in bed. You knew his job was demanding, working for your father and being a partner in a law firm, the job was like a mistress, stealing your man away...

So you simply decided to make his favorite, food pack it up and come to him to eat it together.

“Mrs Barber! It’s so nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you,” she gave you a toothy smile, shaking your hand.

You would’ve been happy, elated that Andy talks so much about you at work. If you hadn’t smelled her perfume. So familiar... you couldn’t quite place it at first but then you remembered.

The night you had slaved away, hoping to profess your love to your husband, when he had rejected you and smelled of chanel.

“That’s a nice scent...” you wondered out loud.

“Oh thank you! I love it as well,” she said, taking in a whiff of the inside of her wrist. “It’s the new chanel one!”

“Hmm....”

You almost didn’t hear Andy calling for you. “What a nice surprise.” He kissed your cheek.

You set the food before him, thinking of telling him what was on your mind.

Was he really so cliché to have an affair with his secretary?

Could you really blame him though? Although you had been married for almost seven months, you were strangers living under the same roof for the majority of them. He wasn’t really cheating... but what if he was still doing it?

“Honey,” he shook you to get your attention. “What’s up with you today? I have a meeting in a few minutes.”

“You’re always working.” You complained.

“Well...” he grinned, grabbing at your thighs and pulling you on his lap, “I have to. If I had the choice I would never come into work, I would stay home forever, between your legs, right... here,” he snaked a hand up your leg and stroked the inside of your thigh. “You would like that wouldn’t you?”

You nodded, “I’ve been so lonely without you.”

He hummed, biting the shell of your ear before speaking into it, “I know, honey. I miss you too. But you do still remember the number one rule right?”

“Yes, daddy. Never touch myself without your permission.”

“And why is that?”

You whined, to embarrassed to say the words, “Because... it’s your... pussy.” You replied in a small shy voice.

“That’s right, sweetheart. It’s mine to do whatever I want with,” he cupped your mould, just to demonstrate what he meant but then frowned when he felt your soft curls and wet slick against his palm.

“You’re not wearing any panties, sweetheart.” He noted, surprised to your boldness.

“Um... I must’ve forgot.”

So maybe you had ulterior motives behind coming here. Your body was used to be doted on everyday now, and to not have his touch for so long was agonising. You had hoped to maybe bend down to pick up a napkin that fell ever so conveniently and flash him, it would work, he would be driven mad.

“Forgot huh?” You nodded in reply as he gathered your slick in his fingers, tracing your labia with them. “That’s too bad, If you had left them on purpose I would’ve cancelled my meeting and fucked you right here. But since it was just an innocent mistake I wouldn’t do that,” he retreated his hand, placing a soft kiss on your hair. “Thanks for lunch.”

***

You were determined to prove your worth to Andy. If he did have a mistress, whether it be his secretary or any other woman, he would forget all about her when he saw how you could do everything for him.

You had went all out today, baking a pie and a four course meal from scratch, lighting up candles, the pink babydoll that Andy had gifted you was under your dress.

He was as always exhausted when he got home, his face visibly lighting up upon seeing you, you took his hand in yours taking him to the couch and making him a glass of whiskey, you handed it to him before kneeling on the soft rug.

“You work so hard, daddy,” you murmured as your fingers worked on unzipping his pants.

He looked at you in confusion, shaking his head, “You don’t have to do that, honey,” cupping your cheek in his plan, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb.

“But I want to make you feel good,” you blinked at him.

He groaned, unable to say no when you looked so willing to please him, but at the same time he wanted to do more with you. To cuddle and watch a movie and talk, it felt as if he hadn’t in ages.

“Very well,” he nodded.

With the green signal from him, you licked your lips, tasting some of your minty gloss, taking his length out of the confines of his underwear, you took a minute to simply marvel at the sheer size and beauty of it.

You licked a stripe up the underside of it, suckling at the crown, you remembered that he liked that the best, at least from the way he twisted his hand in your hair, pulling at it till it caused a slight burn to your scalp.

You slurped his precum up before he pushed his hips up till his tip hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag around him, didn’t take him long to come down your throat.

His neck and cheek covered in a crimson blush, his chest heaving as he threw his head back against the couch.

“You did good, honey...” he rasped. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

He absolutely loved the dinner you had made for him. But when you subtly, because you were raised to be a good lady and wife, tried to coax him to make love to you before bed, he.... rejected you.

Sure, he was kind about it. He told you he was simply tired and would make it up to you. But it was still shocking how a man as insatiable as him would ever say no. You truly didn’t know what to make of it.

***

“Oh... I don’t know about this... it’s a bit too bold for me,” you bit your lip.

“Just try it on! You might end up liking it!” Cherry urged you, putting the bright red lipstick on you without waiting for an answer, “There is nothing more classic than a red lip. Or a red anything. Men go crazy for it.” She told you.

You simply hummed through closed lips as she put some finishing touches on it. “Doesn’t that look nice?” she asked, holding up a mirror before you.

You smiled, it did look different. Maybe different was what you needed. “It’s very pretty. It makes me feel... confident?” Which was strange. Because how could a simple lipstick make you feel confident?

“See! I told you. Confidence is the key to sexiness. Now, let’s talk lingerie.”

***

“Honey, I’ve been waiting for over fifteen minutes,” you heard Andy call out to you from the bedroom.

“Just a minute,” you said, perfecting your edges with a lip brush.

This was something you had never done before. You wore a lot of lingerie for Andy, but most of them were cute pastels or white nighties or babydolls. Nothing like what you were wearing right now...

A sheer black lacy body suit that clung to your body, leaving literally nothing to the imagination.

Top that off with your red lip... you looked like some kind of dominatrix. Cherry told you that most men secretly wish to be dominated. Although you highly doubted your daddy would want anything like that. Or would he?

“Alright, I’m coming out,” you announced, before shyly stepping out, your eyes trained on the floor as you twiddled with your fingers to maybe distract you from your nerves. “What do you think?”

He was speechless. His jaw almost dropping on the floor when he saw you like that. So far from his sweet girl. You were just as much beautiful and sexy, and while it wasn’t something he was used or prefer to he would welcome it if it was what you wanted.

He extended an arm to you, ready to tell you that you were sexy, that he wanted to spend hours worshipping every inch of your body, that he wanted his cock stained the shade of red you wore on your lips, that he was ready to make up for being away for weeks.

Until he saw... that.

He lowly growled your name, making your head snap up to look at him, “What did you do to your pussy?” Because from what he could see, through the sheer material, there was nothing where your pubic hair used to be.

“Uh... I uh... waxed it...” From the tone of his voice you could tell that he wasn’t too happy about it. “Do you not like it?”

“Like?” he scoffed, shaking his head. Taking a seat on the bedding, “C'mere, let me take a closer look.”

Hesitantly, you walked the few strides it took till you were standing before him.

He studied your mould, trying to take the fabric off so he could see it more properly and then tutting when he couldn’t even open the stupid thing.

“Wait, it um... opens here I think,” you interrupted his scrutiny, undoing the zipper that was on your side and taking the suit off of you.

He sighed in resignation when he saw what you had done, making you regret your ever spending so much money and going through all that pain.

He parted your lips apart, running his fingers along your vulva, acquainting himself with this new strange feel of you, “When did do this?” his blue eyes looked up at you.

“Just a couple of days ago. It’s just hair... it’ll grow back in like three weeks.”

“Three weeks?” he scoffed.

You could feel your eyes getting misty. You tried to go all out for him, to please him, be completely naked and vulnerable before him, only to have him get angry at you.

“You don’t like it,” you sniffled.

His furrowed brow softened when he saw you crying, pulling you down till you were straddling his lap, “The question isn’t whether I like it or not,” he explained, his thumb wiping your wet cheeks, “I could... maybe live with it. But I wouldn’t prefer it.”

“Okay,” you nodded.

“But for you to have done this,” he touched your newly waxed skin and almost winced at the smoothness, “You must’ve let someone else see you naked. See what belongs to me.”

“Bu - but they were all women...” you stammered, squirming in his lap as his fingers toyed with your clit.

“It doesn’t matter,” he tutted, pushing two fingers inside you, “Only I get to see you. This is MY pussy. Only I get to decide what to do with it. Do you understand?”

You nodded, holding onto his tshirt as he twisted his fingers inside you. “So-sorry, daddy.”

“No, honey, since you were bad you don’t get to call me daddy. For tonight you will address me as sir. And of course you’ll have to be punished.”

“Punished?” you pouted. “Can’t you just let me go since it was my first strike? I’ll be good from now on I promise!”

“No, you have to learn your lesson. Come on,” you yelped as he manhandled you so you were face down across his lap, “What is your safe word?”

“Unicorns” you giggled. You thought you were so witty for coming up with it. Since he for some reason was jealous of your unicorn stuffie.

He hummed, stroking the soft skin of your butt, “How does twenty sound?”

Your eyes went wide as you gasped, looking at him over your shoulder, “No!” you said.

He didn’t really plan on spanking you... did he? He liked swatting your ass here and there, and truth be told you liked it too. But you had never been spanked or even hit as a punishment.

“Well, if not this then maybe we can make you go a week without cumming.”

Your gasp was louder and even more incredulous this time. You could most definitely take twenty swats, but just the thought of not being able to finish, after knowing what an orgasm with Andy feels like, made you shiver.

“You will count each one, and then thank me for it. You are grateful I’m teaching you, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” you nodded.

“Do you know how to count to twenty? Or would I have to teach you that too?” he asked ever so condescendingly as you huffed.

“Of course I do! I was just two semesters away from graduating college!” Never mind that you learned that in kindergarten.

“That’s good. Are you ready?” he asked, cracking his knuckles as he got in position.

With a nod from you he delivered the first slap to your right buttcheek, the sound of it reverberating in the room, his palm stinging slightly as he stroked the skin he had just punished, it was already warmer.

“One, sir. Thank you, sir,” you held onto a moan, it wasn’t half as bad as you thought it would be...

You jerked forward as he unceremoniously hit your other cheek, since you were unprepared for it, and he was much more brutal.

“Tw-two, sir,” you sniffled.

You considered throwing in the towel and saying your safe word by the time fifteen rolled around. Your behind was on fire, while you couldn’t see it, you just knew it was bruised. But you wanted to be good for Andy and it was wrong of you to do something that drastic without his permission.

“Sixteen...” you hiccupped. You could feel your slick running down your thighs but at this point... you just couldn’t bring yourself to care.

“Do you want a break?” he asked, taking pity on you.

You nodded frantically, “Yes please! Can you... can you touch me? Down there?” Since the pain in your throbbing pussy was unbearable. If you didn’t receive any attention, you might actually burst.

“Down where? Here?” He had the audacity to play down, while you were suffering, and touch the back of your knee to patronise you.

“No!” you whined.

“Well then you’ll have to be a bit more specific, princess.”

“In my... between my legs... my pussy...”

“Are you sure you deserve it though?” he asked.

You thought about it for a moment, before coming to the conclusion that, “No I don’t. Not until I finish my punishment.”

“That’s a good girl,” he praised, his hand massaging your raw ass as your heart swelled in pride.

“Nineteen, sir,” your mind was hazy. It didn’t even feel as if you were in your reality anymore... it was as if you were floating, while you could still hear and feel him spanking you, for some reason it wasn’t as painful anymore.

“The last one, doll, hang in there,” he said before delivering the last swat.

You whimpered, “Twenty, thank you, sir,” willing your nose with the back of your hand.

Andy collected your weak form in his big string arms, rocking you back and forth in his lap as he kept whispering soft praises in your hair, “My sweet beautiful doll,” he pecked you on your lips.

“Sorry about your pants, daddy...” you said when you realised what a wet mess you had made on him.

He shushed you, “Don’t you worry about that right now. Do you want to take a bath?”

You pouted, your red lip jutting out, “No.”

He chuckled, kissing your forehead, “Do you want daddy to fuck you?”

“Yes,” you nodded.

“We have to be careful about your butt, baby,” he said as he gently placed you on the mattress.

Your head on your pillow, besides your two most trusted stuffies--your unicorn and teddy. Andy only allowed you two in the bed after complaining they made it hard for him to cuddle you. You demanded he buy you a shelf to display them or you would go back to your old room. Which of course made him comply instantly.

You made grabby hands at him, impatient to have him closer to you, but then were glad he took the time to take off his tshirt so you could ogle the wide expanse of his chest, the light scattering of fuzzy hair over it, his numerous tattoos along with one of your name, which marked him as yours forever.

He took a hardened nipple in his mouth while his hand tweaked the other, nudging your legs apart to make room for him, he placed his length at your entrance.

Slowly pushing into you, letting you get accustomed to the size of him. Although your pussy was always so welcoming to him, he knew you often struggled to take him.

You whimpered at him, tears rolling off of your face. “What’s wrong, honey? Does it hurt?”

“No... it’s just so good,” you sniffled.

“Okay, just hold on,” you held onto his shoulders as he slowly fucked in to you.

Your pussy clamping around his length, the soles of your feet digging into his ass, “Can I come, daddy?”

“Of course, baby. You earned it.” He groaned, his hips hammering against yours as you bit his neck, letting out a muffled scream.

You hummed against his neck when you felt his warm release fill you up, he pulled out of you, frowning when he looked at your naked and hairless pussy, dripping with his cum.

“From now on I’ll be picking out your clothes,” he stated, rolling off of you and pulling you into his arms.

“Okay, daddy,” you hummed.

“And no more surprise bikini waxes.”

“Mmm...” If that’s what you had to do to get in trouble and be punished, then so be it. “We’ll see.”

***

Three days later

“Lotion time, doll,” Andy said, pausing the movie you were both watching to go get said lotion.

He had rubbed your lotion on your backside when he spanked you and decided that he wanted to be the one putting your body lotion on you from now on since he had too much fun doing it. He insisted on doing it twice everyday since it was still very cold.

You followed him to the bedroom, lying face down on the bed a he squeezed some on his palms, rubbing them together to warm them up.

You winced just a little, your skin still a bit sensitive, you even had to sit on a pillow the time.

“Will you be going back to work tomorrow?” you wanted to know.

He didn’t like the sadness in your voice, “Yes,” he sighed. He hated leaving you all by yourself.

“I’ll be all alone then.”

“Didn’t you want to go back to college?” He remembered you telling him that your parents forced you to drop out so that you would marry him.

“I do actually. Hate leaving things incomplete... maybe I can even go to a law school and become a lawyer like you!” you perked up.

“You’re not working for your father though, you’re too good for that world.”

“You’re too good for him too.” You said. “Maybe I can work with you.” And you and him could be like a power couple. It would be so exciting.

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to be join the taglist or shoot me an ask/dm. Comments and reblogs are really appreciated! ❤❤

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Ember Days: The 1st Wednesday, Friday & Saturday after ‘Lucy, Ashes, Dove and Cross’

The term ‘Ember Days‘ find its origin in the Latin Quatuor Tempora (‘four times’). Ember Days are observed  on the successive Wednesday, Friday and Saturday at the beginning of the four seasons of the year and are an ancient practise instituted by the Church to thank God for blessings received and to implore further graces for the season ahead. They are intended to thank God for the gifts of nature, to teach men to make use of them in moderation and to assist those in need.

Ember Days are days of fasting and abstinence and fall annually after “Lucy, Ashes, Dove, and Cross“:

• December 13 (St. Lucia, V.M.) • Ash Wednesday • Whitsunday (Pentecost) • September 14 (Exaltation of the Holy Cross)

From Blessed be God: A Complete Catholic Prayer Book (pp.234-5): “Wednesday, Friday and Saturday were days of particular devotion in the early Church: Wednesday as recalling the betrayal of our Lord, and Friday in memory of His Passion, Saturday was later added to these days of prayer and penance as a continuation of Friday, and as far back as the second century they were set apart as Stational days, that is, as days of special religious service and fasting.”

The origins of Ember Days date from the ancient Church (at least the fifth century) and the modern format was arranged and prescribed by Pope Gregory VII (1073-1085).

As the dismantling, deconstruction and open disregard for the practise of the authentic, orthodox Catholic Faith took hold after Vatican II, veiled in stratagems of ambiguity and seeded generationally, the observance of Ember and Rogation Days were among the early casualties.

And on that note, and bearing in mind that God sends His people the priests that they deserve – some say on a personal, rather than purely societal, basis – following the extract from Jeremiah 3: 14-15 below, are some prayers for Ember Days.

“Return, O ye revolting children, saith the Lord: for I am your husband: and I will take you, one of a city, and two of a kindred, … I will give you pastors according to my own heart, and they shall feed you with knowledge and doctrine.” (Jeremiah 3: 14-15)

Ember Day Prayers

ANT. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and never forget all He hath done for thee.

V/. Lord, Thou hast been our refuge. R/. From generation to generation.

Let us pray. GRANT, we beseech Thee, almighty God, that as year by year we devoutly keep these holy observances, we may be pleasing to Thee both in body and soul. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

In Honour of Christ’s Betrayal and Passion

O GOD, Who to redeem the world didst vouchsafe to be born amongst men, to be circumcised, rejected by the Jews, betrayed by the traitor Judas with a kiss, to be bound with cords, and as an innocent lamb to be led to the slaughter; Who didst suffer Thyself to be shamelessly exposed to the gaze of Annas, Caiphus, Pilate and Herod; to be accused by false witnesses, tormented by scourges and insults, crowned with thorns, smitten with blows, defiled with spittings, to have Thy divine countenance covered, to be struck with a reed, to be stripped of Thy clothes, nailed to and raised high upon a Cross between two thieves, to be given gall and vinegar to drink, and then pierced with a lance; do Thou, O LORD, by these most sacred sufferings, which I, unworthy as I am, yet dare to contemplate, by Thy holy Cross and by Thy bitter Death, free me from the pains of hell, and vouchsafe to bring me to Paradise, whither Thou didst lead the thief who was crucified with Thee, my Jesus, Who with the Father and the Holy Ghost livest and reignest, God forever and ever. Amen.

5x Pater Noster … Ave Maria … Gloria Patri … (Pre-1968 Indulgence of 3 years)

Prayer for God’s Blessing on Our Labours

O LORD, graciously look down upon Thy servants and upon the work of their hands, and do Thou, Who givest food to every creature, bless and preserve the fruits of the earth, that the needy may be filled with good things and that all may praise the glory of Thy bounty. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

For Vocations to the Priesthood

ANT. Why stand ye all the day idle, go ye into my vineyard.

V/. Ask the Lord of the harvest. R/. That He send labourers into His vineyard.

Let us pray. GOD, Who willest not the death of the sinner, but rather that he should be converted and live; grant, by the intercession of blessed Mary Ever-Virgin and of all the saints, labourers for Thy Church, fellow labourers with Christ, to spend and consume themselves for souls. Through the same Jesus Christ, our Lord, Who livest and reignest with Thee in the unity of the Holy Ghost, God, world without end. (Pre-1968 Indulgence of 3 years)

•••••••

Psalm 102

Benedic, anima. Thanksgiving to God for His mercies. [1] FOR DAVID himself.

Bless the Lord, O my soul: and let all that is within me bless his holy name. [2] Bless the Lord, O my soul, and never forget all he hath done for thee. [3] Who forgiveth all thy iniquities: who healeth all thy diseases. [4] Who redeemeth thy life from destruction: who crowneth thee with mercy and compassion. [5] Who satisfieth thy desire with good things: thy youth shall be renewed like the eagle’s.

.[6] The Lord doth mercies, and judgment for all that suffer wrong. [7] He hath made his ways known to Moses: his wills to the children of Israel. [8] The Lord is compassionate and merciful: longsuffering and plenteous in mercy. [9] He will not always be angry: nor will he threaten for ever. [10] He hath not dealt with us according to our sins: nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

.[11] For according to the height of the heaven above the earth: he hath strengthened his mercy towards them that fear him. [12] As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our iniquities from us. [13] As a father hath compassion on his children, so hath the Lord compassion on them that fear him: [14] For he knoweth our frame. He remembereth that we are dust: [15] Man’s days are as grass, as the flower of the field so shall he flourish.

.[16] For the spirit shall pass in him, and he shall not be: and he shall know his place no more. [17] But the mercy of the Lord is from eternity and unto eternity upon them that fear him: And his justice unto children’s children, [18] To such as keep his covenant, And are mindful of his commandments to do them. [19] The Lord hath prepared his throne in heaven: and his kingdom shall rule over all. [20] Bless the Lord, all ye his angels: you that are mighty in strength, and execute his word, hearkening to the voice of his orders.

.[21] Bless the Lord, all ye his hosts: you ministers of his that do his will. [22] Bless the Lord, all his works: in every place of his dominion, O my soul, bless thou the Lord.

Gloria Patri …  

•••••••

Litany of the Saints

Lord, have mercy on us. (Lord have mercy on us.) Christ, have mercy on us. (Christ have mercy on us.) Lord, have mercy on us. (Lord, have mercy on us.)

Christ, hear us. (Christ, hear us.) Christ, graciously hear us. (Christ, graciously hear us.)

God the Father of heaven, (have mercy on us.) God the Son, Redeemer of the world, (have mercy on us.) God the Holy Ghost, (have mercy on us.) Holy Trinity, one God, (have mercy on us.)

Holy Mary, (* pray for us) Holy Mother of God, (*) Holy Virgin of virgins, (*)

St. Michael, (*) St. Gabriel, (*) St. Raphael, (*) All ye holy Angels and Archangels, (*) All ye holy orders of blessed Spirits, (*)

St. John the Baptist, (*) St. Joseph, (*) All ye holy Patriarchs and Prophets, (*)

St. Peter, (*) St. Paul, (*) St. Andrew, (*) St. James, (*) St. John, (*) St. Thomas, (*) St. James, (*) St. Philip, (*) St. Bartholomew, (*) St. Matthew, (*) St. Simon, (*) St. Thaddeus, (*) St. Matthias, (*) St. Barnabas, (*) St. Luke, (*) St. Mark, (*) All ye holy Apostles and Evangelists, (*) All ye holy Disciples of the Lord, (*)

All ye holy Innocents, (*) St. Stephen, (*) St. Lawrence, (*) St. Vincent, (*) SS. Fabian and Sebastian, (*) SS. John and Paul, (*) SS. Cosmas and Damian, (*) SS. Gervase and Protase, (*) All ye holy Martyrs, (*)

St. Sylvester, (*) St. Gregory, (*) St. Ambrose, (*) St. Augustine, (*) St. Jerome, (*) St. Martin, (*) St. Nicholas, (*) All ye holy Bishops and Confessors, (*) All ye holy Doctors, (*)

St. Anthony, (*) St. Benedict, (*) St. Bernard, (*) St. Dominic, (*) St. Francis, (*) All ye holy Priests and Levites, (*) All ye holy Monks and Hermits, (*)

St. Mary Magdalen, (*) St. Agatha, (*) St. Lucy, (*) St. Agnes, (*) St. Cecilia, (*) St. Catherine, (*) St. Anastasia, (*) All ye holy Virgins and Widows, (*) [Other Saints may be added]

All ye holy Saints of God, (Make intercession for us.) Be merciful, (Spare us, O Lord.) Be merciful, (Graciously hear us, O Lord.)

From all evil, (^ O Lord, deliver us) From all sin, (^) From Thy wrath, (^) From sudden and unlooked for death, (^) From the snares of the devil, (^) From anger, and hatred, and every evil will, (^) From the spirit of fornication, (^) From lightning and tempest, (^) From the scourge of earthquakes, (^) From plague, famine and war, (^) From everlasting death, (^) Through the mystery of Thy holy Incarnation, (^) Through Thy Coming, (^) Through Thy Birth, (^) Through Thy Baptism and holy Fasting, (^) Through Thy Cross and Passion, (^) Through Thy Death and Burial, (^) Through Thy holy Resurrection, (^) Through Thine admirable Ascension, (^) Through the coming of the Holy Ghost, the Paraclete. (^) In the day of judgment. (^)

We sinners, (~ we beseech Thee, hear us) That Thou wouldst spare us, (~) That Thou wouldst pardon us, (~) That Thou wouldst bring us to true penance, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to govern and preserve Thy holy Church, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to preserve our Apostolic Prelate, and all orders of the Church in holy religion, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to humble the enemies of holy Church, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to give peace and true concord to Christian kings and princes, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to grant peace and unity to the whole Christian world, (~) That Thou wouldst call back to the unity of the Church all who have strayed from her fold, and to guide all unbelievers into the light of the Gospel, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to confirm and preserve us in Thy holy service, (~) That Thou wouldst lift up our minds to heavenly desires, (~) That Thou wouldst render eternal blessings to all our benefactors, (~) That Thou wouldst deliver our souls, and the souls of our brethren, relations, and benefactors, from eternal damnation, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to give and preserve the fruits of the earth, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe to grant eternal rest to all the faithful departed, (~) That Thou wouldst vouchsafe graciously to hear us, (~) Son of God, (~)

Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, (spare us, O Lord.) Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, (graciously hear us, O Lord.) Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, (have mercy on us.)

Christ, (hear us.) Christ, (graciously hear us.) Lord, have mercy, (Lord, have mercy.) Christ, have mercy, (Christ, have mercy.) Lord, have mercy, (Lord, have mercy.) . [Our Father, inaudibly until] … And lead us not into temptation (but deliver us from evil. Amen.)

(Partial Indulgence, 1968; taken from Fisheaters.com)

~~~ +++++++ ~~~ Rogation Day Prayer

All we can do is worth nothing Unless God blesses the deed; Vainly we hope for the harvest-tide Till God gives life to the seed; Yet nearer and nearer draws the time, The time that shall surely be When the earth shall be filled with the glory of God As the waters cover the sea.

(source)

SO LITTLE HOPE AU HUH

TW: S/icide mention, death, manipulation, dark topics

Warning: Little Hope spoilers ahead lol

General timeline:

Tales of the SMP: The Village That Went Mad; slightly modified (Helga murdered first (stabbed to death), Bob and Jack are still the murderers, slight modifications to character list to add Lmanburg Revolutionary Doppelgangers. Cat is drowned, Robin is burned, William is hung, Theodore impaled on a fence, child-Fundy-doppelganger-with-no-name is left to starve.)

A lot of time passes

Cornelius changes his name to Dream.

Dream meets George and Sapnap.

DreamSMP is created.

All members present before the Lmanburg War are invited.

Disc War.

Dreamon possesses Dream.

Lmanburg Revolution.

Lmanburg Revolution falls; Eret betrays them, “Dream” (the dreamon) kills most of the revolutionaries in various ways (usually matching the way their doppelgangers died in the past, which is mostly to further torment Cornelius/the real Dream because he can’t do anything about it) and captures Tommy. Tommy is on his last life and has been placed in jail

3 years pass, “Dream” grows continually more evil and begins to kill anyone who gets in his way even slightly, including Corpse. He keeps Tommy updated on the situation outside of the jail, in an attempt to break him without actively physically hurting him (it’s no fun if your toy dies at the end).

At the beginning of his imprisonment, Tommy blames Eret and Dream; however, over the next three years, his perception slowly twists until he fully blames himself for everything. After all, if he’d never got those discs, none of this would have ever happened. If he hadn’t been so stubborn, everyone would still be alive… (Or so he thinks, anyway. In truth, “Dream” probably would have killed them anyway later on.)

“Dream” invites Technoblade, intending to spawntrap him and kill him, but Technoblade declines.

Tommy hears of the news and decides to try and reach Technoblade. (For clout)

Tommy attempts escape 2 times, and fails both times.

Tommy escapes.

Tommy smashes his head on a branch, passes out, begins hallucinating when he wakes up.

Hallucination timeline:

Bus crashes offscreen, Thomas wakes up with no memory other than what he dreamed after he was knocked out in the crash.

He is woken up by Tyler and William, who are concerned but conclude that he has a severe concussion. Thomas notices a burn scar on Tyler’s neck and comments on it, Tyler passes it off as it having come from the crash.

The group reunites with each other. When they attempt to go back to the bus, the thick fog returns them back to where they started, so they travel towards town in search of help, which is the only place where the road has no fog.

On the road towards town, Thomas and Hilda inspect a strange doll on the road, noticing a small child with fox ears and a fox tail standing in the woods looking sad. The child rushes them, and they are pulled into the past, where someone who looks exactly like Hilda (Helga) is seen yelling at her husband and at “Shrimpy”, both of whom look angry.

They find a small bar on the way, where a young man is getting absolutely hammered (this is Sapnap, but they don’t know that). He only responds when Thomas talks to him, but Thomas doesn’t put two and two together about that, and they quickly leave the bar in favor of making progress.

They reach the town, and the group splits up into two: Thomas and William on one team, and all the other on the other team. Thomas and William search the police station, while the others look for a different way out.

Uhhh early game stuff happens, Hilda and Thomas go back to the past and see Helga stabbed, Helga’s weird demon corpse starts hunting them. Cool I guess.

Repeat this process with everyone else, they’re still trying to find a way out, but they keep being dragged back to the past by the weird demon child, and watching doppelgangers of themselves die in vaguely gruesome ways. (Thomas feels like he’s missing something.) Every time a doppelganger dies, a new demon corpse starts hunting them.

From here, either the whole group survives until morning, or some (or all) of them die. Depending on how many members are left alive at the end, the ending changes

The bad ending would be “Dream” recapturing Tommy when he stops hallucinating, leading to either Tommy’s permanent death (if Thomas was killed by his corpse demon doppelganger…thing…) or Tommy spending the rest of his final life in jail (if he didn’t die at the end of the hallucination). This ending requires the entire party to die.

The best ending would be for Ranboo to find Tommy before he stops hallucinating. Once Tommy stops hallucinating, Ranboo talks to him about leaving the SMP, and the two of them will leave together. Tommy probably comes to terms with the fact that it wasn’t his fault that all his friends died. This requires every member of the party to stay alive.

Neutral ending is if one or more dies, but not the whole party. Tommy wakes up alone, depending on how many people died, he’ll either commit s/icide or he’ll leave the server alone, off to god knows where.

Hallucination characters:

Tubbo > Tyler > Robin (Tanya > Taylor > Tessa (?)) Traits: Anxious, paranoid

Tommy > Thomas > Theodore (Anthony > Andrew > Abraham) Traits: Impulsive, stubborn

Wilbur > William > William but twice (James > John > Joseph) Traits: Coercive, worrier

Corpse > Callum > Cat/unnamed (Dennis > Daniel > David) Traits: Apathetic, monotone

Quackity is there also I guess? > Hilda > Helga (Anne > Angela > Amy) Traits: Arrogant, aggressive, sexy

If you’re wondering why most of these traits are negative, it’s because these are like the starting traits from Little Hope! In the beginning, they’re locked; you can unlock them by doing certain actions in-game. If more than one is locked at the end of the game, then that character will die.

---------------------------------------

OMG THIS IS SO AMAZING AND DETAILED OMG

I CANT BELIEVE TUMBLR ATE THIS MASTERPIECE BEFORE HOLY FUCK-

Parallels: Olidammara the Laughing Rogue / The Cynics Diogenes and Menippus

Olidammara the Laughing Rogue (Deities & Demigods, 2002, illustration by M. Cavotta) / Diogenes bites Plato (Existential Comics #219)

1. Hecate’s Supper

Diogenes of Sinope (c. 412 – 323 BCE) was like the Oscar Wilde of his time. His snark was immensely popular, and for centuries after his death, if you wanted to say something sarcastic and make people pay attention, you'd just go ahead and say it and attribute it to him. (Which is why it's so hard today to determine what Diogenes actually said and what he didn't.) Alternatively, you could write a book with Diogenes as the protagonist, maybe another Cynic as well, and use them as your snarky mouthpieces.

That's what Lucian of Samosata (c. 125 – 180 CE) did, in his Dialogues of the Dead. These take place in Hades, and feature the philosophers Menippus of Gadara (3rd century BCE) and Diogenes, now dead, snarking from the Underworld and pumping the cynicism to eleven. And I remembered this wonderful satirical work while I was reading an old article in Dragon Magazine about Olidammara the Laughing Rogue, the classic D&D deity (in the Greyhawk pantheon) of thieves, beggars, and bards. It says:

"Shrines of Olidammara's faith are far more common than temples and may be found in urban or rural areas. Usually the shrine is just a pile of stones or an outdoor alcove bearing his mark where worshippers can pour an offering of wine or leave a bit of tasty food and a few copper coins. It is not considered an affront to the god for someone truly poor to take these coins, although stories exist of misers being punished for daring to take what is not their due."

A humble shrine to Olidammara, illustration by Andrew Hu (Dragon #342)

This bit about poor people pilfering offerings from a god's shrine was familiar. In Dialogues of the Dead, when Menippus dies, he gets immediately in trouble with Charon, the boatman, because he's supposed to have coins for the fare and he emphatically doesn't. (He's a Cynic, being penniless is his thing.) When Charon insists to be paid, Menippus wisely explains that he cannot give what he doesn't have, and when he gets frisked, all he has to show are lupin beans and a “Hecate's supper”. Now lupin beans are basically livestock food, humans only resort to them when destitute. And Hecate's supper? Well Hecate was the goddess of roads among other things, and she had shrines in street corners (particularly where three roads meet). People left offerings there every month “and these offerings were at once pounced upon by the poor, or, as here, the Cynics.”

It's not clear what Hecate thought about this plundering of her shrines, or what people imagined she thought. It's abundantly clear that the hungry didn't particularly care. But Olidammara approves as much as Menippus (and Lucian), which is pleasing. And that’s not the only parallel.

Diogenes Sitting in His Tub by Jean-Léon Gérôme (1860)

2. The rich remember

Olidammara drops some aphorisms

“Hoarded gold is no treasure. A man who lives alone with all of his money in a vault is poorer than a penniless man surrounded by merriment. What is the point of money and fine things if you cannot use them to bring you happiness? Better to spend your gold on food, wine, and music than let your mouth, ears, and mind go numb from nothingness.” 

“A cage of gold is still a cage. A man surrounded by valuable things may think he is happy, but if he cannot leave his home for fear of his possessions being stolen, and cannot touch them for fear they might break, he is not actually happy. Take the man's things so he is no longer bound to them and can be free to live as nature intended.”

Meanwhile in Hades, Diogenes messages the living

To Menippus the Cynic: If mortal subjects for laughter begin to pall, come down below, and find much richer material; it is the best of sport to see millionaires, governors, despots, now mean and insignificant; you can only tell them by their lamentations, and the spiritless despondency which is the legacy of better days.

To the rich: O vain fools, why hoard gold? why all these pains over interest sums and the adding of hundred to hundred, when you must shortly come to us with nothing beyond the dead-penny?

Menippus (detail) by Diego Velázquez (1638)

and Shades of rich men file a complaint against Menippus

CROESUS: Pluto, we can stand this snarling Cynic no longer in our neighbourhood; either you must transfer him to other quarters, or we are going to migrate. Midas here, and Sardanapalus and I, can never get in a good cry over the old days of gold and luxury and treasure, but he must be laughing at us, and calling us rude names; "slaves" and "garbage," he says we are. And then he sings; and that throws us out. In short, he is a nuisance.

MENIPPUS: All perfectly true, Pluto. I detest these abject rascals! Not content with having lived the abominable lives they did, they keep on talking about it now they are dead, and harping on the good old days. I take a positive pleasure in annoying them. Well, you scum of your respective nations, let there be no misunderstanding; I am going on just the same. Wherever you are, there shall I be also; worrying, jeering, singing you down. Yours was the presumption, when you expected men to fall down before you, when you trampled on men's liberty, and forgot there was such a thing as death. Now comes the weeping and gnashing of teeth: for all is lost! You do the whining, and I'll chime in with a string of KNOW THYSELVES, best of accompaniments.

Incredible Romero-inspired cover for Lucian's Dialogues of the Dead: An Intermediate Greek Reader (Faenum Publishing, 2015)

3. And then they diverged

Of course, Olidammara isn't all Cynic. Cynics rejected wealth and luxury altogether and snubbed everything not necessary for survival, in the name of (basically) independence. The Laughing Rogue, on the contrary, wants you to grab all the finer things in life with both hands, and have a good time.

The kernel of Olidammara's philosophy is that life should be enjoyed, for a life of misery and boredom is a life wasted. Mortals should laugh, enjoy the company of friends and the playing of music, taste good food, and drink good wine. Although he is not a hedonist and doesn't believe that mortals should be, he knows that a lifetime of meat, fruit, wine, and song is better than a a life of bread, water, and silence (unsurprisingly he has no ascetic or monk worshippers). His faithful should treat music as the art it is and strive to be as skilled at it as their patron. People should make jokes and laugh when the joke is on them, and try to avoid misery, temperance, and solemnity, for they are the greatest poison to the soul. He encourages people to practice occasional mayhem not for its own sake but to add excitement to boring lives and rattle the self-built cages of materialists.

And, to return full circle to Hecate's supper, Olidammara is something more than that. He discovered a source of fulfillment, joy, and bliss that all the squabbling philosophers in the time of Diogenes somehow failed to grasp. That shifty thieving scoundrel is sharing.

Olidammara's Aphorism: “What is good alone is better with others. Any pleasurable thing is greater when you can share it with someone else. A fine wine is sweeter when raised in toast to a friend. A romantic song is stronger as a duet. A good meal is more savory when shared with a hungry man. A memory is richer when reminiscing with someone who was there.”

And you know what? I’ll drink to that.

Illustration by Andrew Hu (Dragon #342)

[All excerpts about the Laughing Rogue are from the article “Core Beliefs: Olidammara” by Sean K. Reynolds (Dragon #342, 2006). All excerpts of Dialogues of the Dead are from The Works of Lucian of Samosata, transl. Henry Watson Fowler and Francis George Fowler (1905).]

#JusticeforJohnnyDepp: Johnny’s witness statements at a glance (Kevin Murphy & Kate James)

Things I Cover in this Post:

AH’s consumption of alcohol and prescription pills

AH consistently lying/submitting false documents in order to get what she wants

the dogs in Australia

AH lying to Homeland Security

AH’s abuse of Johnny (both verbal and physical)

the shit in the bed

AH bullying/threatening/intimidating members of Johnny’s staff

The two witness statements I’m including highlights from come from: Kate James- personal assistant to AH for a little under 3 years & Kevin Murphy- Johnny’s estate manager for 8 years, ending in 2016

Before we get into that, I would really love it if you could check out and sign this petition that is demanding an official review into the misconduct of the judge for this case, Andrew Nicol.

It’s a lot of talk about the illegal smuggling of the dogs into Australia, which could definitely come off as tedious af, but I feel this is an excellent demonstrator of the character of Scum and how she tries to manipulate/control all those around her. That is mostly what this instalment is going to be about, employees speaking to the character of Scum and her non-existent relationship with the truth.

Beginning with a woman who worked as assistant to Scum, so Scum was paying her, you would think her loyalty would be to her employer, the person she was working for and spending lots of time with. Well, nope, coz Scum is exactly that - SCUM.

More of Scum bullying/belittling Johnny. But I mainly included this part so we could take a look at Kate’s account of Scum drinking ‘vast quantities’ of wine each night. Johnny recounted in his witness statements of his ‘difficult’ relationship with drink and drugs, including visits to rehab facilities in order to get sober. He talks specifically of March 2015, in Australia (when she mutilated his finger), saying:  Under the stress of the situation, I poured myself a glass of vodka and drank it. It was with this glass that I broke my sobriety. Kate was fired by Scum (actually blindsided is how she put it) in Feb of 2015, so the testimony of her buying non-alcoholic beer for Johnny holds up to me.

Before I started reading properly into this case, I was nervous to properly research into it because I was thinking that I would read something about Johnny that I didn’t like and I was terrified that I’d never come back from that. 12 years of my life- loving, idolising, being inspired by this man- I didn’t want that to end in a blazing burn of ‘wow, what a shithead, I can’t believe that’s what I dedicated time/money/energy to’. But halleloo, he is everything I’ve always hoped he was and potentially more. So I included this section not just as a ‘wow, Johnny is the greatest’, but also, Scum’s assistant failing to see any signs of injury, which is just another voice to add to the booming chorus at this point.

Here we have Scum wilfully and knowingly breaking laws for her own benefit.

Here is the photo that was submitted as part of Kate’s evidence. It isn’t super clear but I’ve highlighted the date, as well as some of the flowery language Scum employs to portray herself as so much better than she is and just going over the top with that.

This is a check Kate submitted in her evidence. To me, the signature doesn’t seem to match the one on the document from Scum. But what is important about this check is the name: Savannah McMillian, the fact that it’s from the Bank of America and the date, of September 2014, which is the same month of Scum’s false document (if you zoom in).

There is no chance in Hell that Savannah was just a friend of Scum’s visiting America for a magical trip. No ma’am, no Pam. I also wanted to include a screenshot provided by Kevin Murphy of an email from Savannah, in which she specifically introduces herself as Scum’s assistant. So here is another lie to add to her list (is there even any room on the tally board anymore?)

‘She felt that she was above the law’

Hmm, what does that remind me of? Oh right, the symptoms/signs of antisocial personality disorders aka SOCIOPATHIC BEHAVIOUR! Referring back to Mayo Clinic, they describe: a disregard for right/wrong, arrogance/sense of superiority, unnecessary risk-taking, failure to consider negative consequences/learn from them, consistent irresponsibility and so on and so on.

She’s lied and perjured herself in the past - why wouldn’t she continue to lie to get what she wants? aka- this whole hoax against Johnny.

Grease? Calm down sweetie, you’re not in the mob. Just say bribe.

GREASE ME UP, WOMAN!

Anyway, let’s move along to Kevin Murphy, a man who worked with Johnny for 8 years and had to deal with a lot of Scum’s shit.

Here we have Johnny telling a member of his staff about the physical abuse he was being subjected to - why didn’t Scum do the same and tell members of her team? Oh right, because it never happened to her.

Kevin was very involved with all of the dog smuggling bullshit and it became a personal matter for him. All of this could’ve been avoided... If not for Scum’s selfishness.

She threatened him and his job and then tried to place all of the legal blame of the smuggling onto him.

Again, I wanted to touch on Scum’s use of alcohol and even drugs. I wanted to be fair to Scum in this, maybe she was using Provigil under a prescription, just like Johnny and his Roxicodone. So I did some digging and I found that yes, Provigil does require a prescription. 

But, from what I could gather from my reading, you can get some over the counter substitutes that have a lower dosage.

But no.2, I found a website where you can purchase Provigil.

I took the liberty of adding it to a cart and selecting checkout. I took all of the steps up to the point where I’d have to pay and guess what? Not once was I asked to provide any details of a GP or of a prescription.

Again, to be fair to Scum, I checked to see if you could also get Roxicodone on this website and guess what?

No, no you can’t.

I don’t intend for this to be taken as conclusive evidence in any way, but it was something that I found interesting.

I really wish they had gotten it DNA tested.

Scum told three different versions of this shit in the bed story-

shit? What shit? There wasn’t any shit in the bed

Yeah, lol, there was shit in the bed, just a harmless prank, got ‘im!

It was the dogs the whole time

And then she projects onto Kevin the fact that she lied, because that’s what she loves to do. She takes her own behaviour and applies it to other people to get them in trouble. This indicates to me that she knows her actions are wrong, but I guess she just thinks she can always find a way to get out of it.

Is she a child? Is she an actual infant? Is she a fucking child?

He had to go and tell 8 other members of their/Johnny’s team to make sure she wouldn’t misbehave and then she went and did it anyway! Is she a child?! It’s like she’s a fucking kid who the Dad has to tell the babysitter that ‘no, she isn’t usually allowed candy, please don’t give her any’ and then the babysitter catches her with a stash of candy anyway! It’s pathetic!

Johnny didn’t want the dogs to come at all and yet, he’s the one who bore most of the brunt over here in the media. And still does, if you refer to this incident, it’s not her dogs, it’s Johnny Depp and his dogs that he snuck in to the country that pissed off the government.

She had this man believing he was going to lose his job because he was trying to correct a legal wrong that she had knowingly committed.

And here she is making a joke about it, on her own fucking Instagram. She had someone take that photo, typed out the caption and decided: ‘yep, this is something I can stand behind, this is fine, this is great content’ and posted it to the world.

Here we go again with another example of that sociopathic behaviour, with her showing a complete lack of remorse and a lack of empathy over the damage this did to the other people involved.

I hope this has helped to provide a greater insight into the type of person Scum is, how manipulative, ruthless and uncaring she is to any/all of the people around her when she’s in pursuit of a goal. I also hope this has helped to shed more light on Scum and her habits with alcohol and pills, which she doesn’t want you to know about, of course. It’s kinda hard for her to consistently call Johnny an addict when she clearly cracks into the goon sack a fair amount herself.

Andrew Hickey Q&A

Today’s Q&A is with author and podcaster Andrew Hickey, author of Forgotten Lives’ story with the Christopher Baker Doctor, ‘The Cross of Venus’. It opens like this:

‘The cloudy sky of Venus shrouds the planet in perpetual darkness. An observer who could not feel the stifling heat, or smell the sulphurous vapours, might assume themselves to be in the midst of a London pea-souper, while one who could feel those things would possibly be more inclined to think of places even more infernal. The whole atmosphere has a yellowish tinge, and while the visibility is good for about twenty feet, after that one can’t tell whether one is looking at the air or a brick wall. It’s devoid of life, and quite the most hopeless-feeling place in the whole Solar System, much worse than even desolate Pluto, which at least in its chilly blackness offers a reminder that it’s a gateway to other suns, around which may circle more hospitable worlds. Venus inspires a feeling of loss, as soon as one steps on it, as if one’s heart is aching for the possibilities that the planet can’t deliver. It’s an experience that makes the heart of even the most seasoned space traveller sink, and in every good guidebook to the Solar System, Venus is noted as a place to avoid, and one to spend as little time as possible on should one have to stop there at all.’

FL: Tell us a little about yourself.

AH: Not much to say really. I'm a full-time writer and podcaster these days, which means I spend most of my days staring at a screen and ranting on Twitter rather than doing anything productive. I've written a fair bit for Obverse -- it somehow seems to work out that about once a year since around 2012 I've ended up doing something for them -- and I have a podcast on music history.

FL: What attracted you to this project?

AH: Mostly the other people involved. I'm in a weird position when it comes to Obverse projects because many of the people involved are people I count as friends at this point -- but they're also, in many cases, people whose writing I was a fan of before getting to know them. So they're good people to work with in multiple ways.

FL: Each story in the book features a different incarnation of the Doctor. Tell us about yours.

AH: My Doctor is the Doctor as portrayed by Christopher Baker, and he travels with his two children, Jilly and Cedric. From their dress and manner of speech, they appear to have grown up in the late 1940s, while the Doctor... seems to be from an earlier time.

FL: These Doctors only exist in a couple of photos. How did you approach the characterisation of your incarnation?

AH: Well, my Doctor has even less to go on than the others, because Christopher Baker wasn't even involved in the production of Doctor Who at all, so we have no idea what his take on the character would have been. However, we're (or at least I was) approaching this as if it was a televised pre-Hartnell adventure, so I tried to go for something of the characterisation of the black-and-white era Doctors -- especially as he's travelling with his own children, I've tried to portray him as a more paternal figure.

FL: What's your story about?

AH: Thematically, faith, truth, the possibility of noble lies, and that sort of thing. On a plot level, it's about the first manned trip to Venus, in space year 1975, the hunt for a saboteur, and the shocking truth as to why the Venusians disappeared.

FL: The stories are intended to represent a 'prehistory' of Doctor Who before 1963. How did that affect your approach?

AH: I tried to think about what kind of thing you'd have got for a British SF series in the pre-Quatermass era of the very late forties or early fifties, and basically there are a few major figures that stand out as possible inspirations, if you're looking for British, rather than American, material to take inspiration from -- there's Arthur C Clarke, there's CS Lewis, and there's The Eagle comic. Both The Eagle and, obviously, Lewis were overtly proselytising for Christianity, while Clarke's work seems to split neatly between stories of slide rules and rocket engines and mystical-eschatological works like 'The Sentinel', Childhood's End, The City and the Stars, ‘The Nine Billion Names of God' and so on.

So I imagined, in my head, what would happen if the BBC had commissioned Clarke to write a story for a children's serial, expecting him to turn in something close to Pathfinders In Space, and instead he had turned in one of his more philosophical stories (in fact, though I didn't realise it until literally typing this sentence, one important character in the story must have been unconsciously inspired by a particular story of Clarke's), and then some hard-working script editor had tried to fix it and turn it back into something more like a story from The Eagle.

FL: Who would be your ideal casting for a pre-Hartnell Doctor?

AH: Margaret Rutherford. Alistair Sim would also have been interesting. And Sid James as the companion.

FL: What's your next project?

AH: I'm always working on multiple projects, because I can't concentrate on any one thing. My big main project at the moment is my podcast, A History of Rock Music in 500 Songs, which is currently on episode 105 as I type this and is up to 1962. I'm currently preparing the second book based on the podcast, collecting revised versions of the scripts for episodes fifty-one through 100. After that, I'm planning on putting out a collection of my short stories, a thoroughly revised version of my first book (on the Beatles), and then either a contemporary mystery story (if the current world situation will settle down enough that I can write about the contemporary world without the book becoming outdated half-way through writing) or a horror novel.

I’m With You (13/?)

Summary:

Having a crush was nothing to be ashamed of…lying to the family and friends of said crush about being the guy’s boyfriend, that was a whole other problem. When Buck saves the life of Andrew Diaz and accidentally makes a nurse think that he’s Andrew’s boyfriend, Buck soon finds himself lying to Andrew’s firefighter friends/coworkers as well as Andrew’s family including Andrew’s very suspicious and attractive brother, Eddie.

Based on the 1995 movie While You Were Sleeping.

Words: 5,537

Notes: Finally getting this one up. Enjoy. 

Read on Ao3

Masterpost

Previous Chapter

–

“So, what do you like to do, Christopher?” Buck asked. 

Christopher shrugged. He’d already gotten ahold of Buck’s tv remote and he’d both turned the tv on and put on some cartoons. So maybe things would be just that easy with Christopher. 

“Well, we can watch tv for a while, if you want,” Buck said. 

Buck couldn’t remember the last time that he’d babysat any kid, but it wasn’t hard and it especially wasn’t hard with Christopher who seemed content for a while to watch tv. He checked over all of Christopher’s bags and found that Eddie had really overpacked. There were toys — legos, and books, crayons, and a couple of stuffed animals too. Plenty to keep Christopher entertained and busy which was good because Buck owned nothing that would have kept Christopher from getting bored. 

“Buck,” Christopher said, “are you gonna marry my uncle?” 

Buck was holding the stuffed elephant from Christopher’s bag and he couldn’t help the reflex of squeezing it at the unexpected question. 

“I don’t know, kid,” Buck said after a beat. 

“Abuela said you’re his boyfriend,” Christopher said and tilted his head as he looked at Buck. 

It felt wrong to lie to a kid. So he settled for a nod and then, “sorta.” 

Christopher nodded and Buck didn’t think he actually fully understood. He was just repeating what he’d heard from his abuela and maybe trying to understand where Buck fit in with everything. 

“Hey, do you want something to eat?” 

“No,” Christopher said. “So you’re not gonna be my uncle?” 

“I don’t know, kiddo,” Buck said and he sat down next to him and ruffled his hair. “What are we watching?”

It was some sort of kid’s tv-show that Buck was unfamiliar with, but it seemed to hold Christopher’s attention. 

They watched tv for a while until Christopher got bored and asked for his legos. He didn’t seem to be intent on actually building anything. It was more about putting blocks together. Some of the things he showed to Buck and Buck just smiled at him and encouraged him to keep playing. It was cute. Too cute. He was sitting on the floor with his legos all over the floor just doing whatever he wanted and Buck just watched him until Christopher told him he was thirsty. 

“Water or juice?” 

“Juice please.” 

Buck had apple juice that he usually watered down even for himself because it was too sweet so he did the same for Christopher and because he was already in the kitchen he cut an orange into slices and brought it over for Christopher to snack on. 

“Thanks, Buck.” 

He was so polite. Buck wondered if that had come from Eddie or from another family member, maybe even the estranged mother. 

“Buck,” Christopher said eventually, “can we visit your dog?” 

“Legolas? Well, he’s not really my dog. He’s your uncle Andrew’s but sure. He’s probably hungry.” 

“Can I feed him?” Christopher asked and his eyes lit up. 

Before Eddie had asked him to watch Christopher, Buck had intended on going over to feed Legolas because he knew his days with the dog were numbered, and then he’d wanted to go and visit Andrew...but he didn’t mind having the excuse of watching Christopher from keeping him away from the hospital. 

“Sure, kiddo. Just eat the orange, alright. I’m going to get shoes and we can go.”

To help him out, Buck grabbed one of the orange slices and put the whole thing in his mouth. Christopher was watching and he giggled, throwing his head to the side a little. Buck often felt a little concerned about Christopher’s movements but he knew it was the CP and something that Christopher just couldn’t help, so he made himself realize that for Christopher it was all normal. 

“See something funny?” 

“Maybe,” Christopher said and giggled again. It was one of the sweetest giggles that Buck had ever heard. He really did love kids a lot. 

As he walked upstairs, Buck checked his phone. He had a missing call from a random number and Buck really did need to get someone to look into it for him. But he was distracted by texts from Eddie. 

How’s everything going?

You guys okay? 

He’s not giving you too much trouble, right?

Buck couldn’t help but smile. The way that Eddie cared about Christopher and loved Christopher, it warmed his heart. He was just such a good dad and it had been obvious from the moment that Buck met him. Buck couldn’t ever not appreciate that about him especially since he was doing so much on his own and Christopher was this wonderful kid. 

We’re fine. 

Going to stop by Andrew’s to see Legolas.

By Christopher’s request. 

That’s okay right? That I take him out?

Buck was a little surprised when he got a response right away. He supposed that Eddie wasn’t out dealing with an emergency. 

Yes, Buck. It’s fine. 

I trust you with him. 

And he loves that dog. 

I’m actually a little worried that Andrew isn’t more interested in the dog. 

Buck was too. Legolas deserved an owner that cared about him. 

Once he remembers I’m sure he’ll be interested.

There’s a reason he got him right?

Eddie answered right away again. 

Maybe. Idk. 

Thanks again, Buck. 

Buck hadn’t allowed himself to give much thought to how things had gone at the hospital with Andrew the day before. It had been strange in retrospect how open Andrew had been with him and how easily he had been able to read Buck with all the pushing for Buck to join the LAFD. One thing that Buck was kind of sure of was that Eddie was right in saying that Andrew wasn’t too interested in Legolas. Something that might change later unless there was some other reason for why he had a dog but Buck couldn’t begin to figure that out. 

Buck grabbed his shoes, slipped his wallet in his pocket, and then ran downstairs. Christopher had finished the juice and eaten most of the orange slices. 

“Can we go, Buck?” 

“Sure, kid,” Buck said. He grabbed the cup and the plate with the two remaining orange slices and put another in his mouth to more of Christopher’s giggles when he brought just the rind down. 

He ate the other before leaving the plate in the sink. 

“Do you need to bring anything with you?” Buck asked, glancing at the bags that Eddie had brought with him as if his kid was spending more than just a day with Buck. 

Christopher shrugged. “Not really.” 

“I’m taking your word for it, kid. Anyway, we’re just going to see the dog so we’ll be back here soon. Come on.” 

It was hard not to step in and help Christopher with his crutches, but he managed without any trouble and then he just waited and let him go out the door first.

It was when they got to the car that Buck realized that Christopher probably required a booster seat of some kind but obviously Buck didn’t have any. He had a silent freak out while he wondered if it was okay to actually bring Christopher in his car without one but Christopher didn’t seem to care and Buck figured that it wasn’t far to Andrew’s and he would just be careful as he drove. 

—-

“Who are you texting so much today?” Chim asked. 

Eddie glanced up at him from his phone. Buck had just sent him a picture of Christopher and Legolas. 

“Buck,” Eddie said. “He’s watching Christopher today.” 

Chim raised an eyebrow and even Hen glanced at him. 

“What?” Eddie asked. 

“Well, you really didn’t like him at first and now you’re just letting him watch your kid,” Hen said. “The same kid that you’re overprotective over.

Eddie set down his phone and looked at them. The last thing that Eddie wanted to do was let them know how he felt. Andrew was awake and he seemed to be as taken with Buck as everyone else and that could only mean that once he did have his memories back that he would remember loving Buck. Eddie couldn’t get in the middle of that. He wouldn’t. It didn’t matter that it would inevitably hurt him, the last thing he wanted was to hurt his brother who maybe could benefit from finally having a real relationship.

“I was wrong, okay?” Eddie said. “Andrew needs to explain himself once he remembers but Buck’s a good guy.” 

Hen grinned. “He is,” she said. 

Chimney nodded as well and Eddie didn’t understand why he also looked thoughtful, like he was trying to figure something out when he looked at Eddie. Eddie hoped it wasn’t because Chimney suspected something about how Eddie felt about Buck. Eddie was distracted from that when his phone vibrated in his hand. 

It was another picture. This time a selfie where Christopher was out on the grass with Buck, laughing. Christopher’s eyes were closed and his mouth was wide open mid-laugh and Buck was next to him, propped up and squinting due to the sun. His traitorous mind couldn’t help but imagine a world where things were different and Andrew wasn’t with Buck and Eddie had a chance. It made Eddie feel strange, his stomach churning a little, so he clicked out of it and didn’t bother to text Buck back. In the next moment they had a call and they were all rushing down to the trucks and he didn’t have time to think about Buck again for a little while. 

It was when they were getting back and he’d checked his phone again that he saw there were a few more pictures. Chimney leaned over to look. 

“Ah, so he’s using the dog as a babysitting tool. Smart man.” 

Eddie chuckled. 

“I still don’t get the whole dog thing,” Chimney added. “Doesn’t Andrew hate dogs?”

“He really didn’t like that dog we rescued a while back,” Bobby said. 

“Buck doesn’t,” Eddie said. 

Chimney opened and closed his mouth. “I don’t think he got the dog for Buck.” 

“No,” Eddie agreed. “Buck never really explained it when I asked. I don’t think he knew...he was really vague.”

“I’m sure he didn’t,” Chimney said. 

“Not to mention that Andrew would never get a dog just for a boyfriend. Not even Buck,” Eddie said. Although maybe that was it...maybe Andrew loved Buck enough to overlook his dislike for dogs.

Eddie tried to push away the jealousy that reared up. The way that Chimney looked at him made Eddie wonder if Chimney knew or if he somehow suspected that Eddie liked Buck more than he’d let on at first. Maybe it was possible that Eddie wasn’t as subtle as he’d first thought. And then, as they were getting off the trucks back at the station, the world started to shake. 

Everything was chaos. Things were falling and shaking. This was the third earthquake that Eddie had felt since moving to LA and it still left him rattled when it was over and they could see the damage it left in its wake but Eddie’s first thought was Christopher and he scrambled for his phone, calling Buck. Buck didn’t pick up on the first few rings. And then it stopped ringing and didn’t even go to voicemail.

“Shit,” Eddie said. He tried calling again even as he heard Bobby start giving out orders.

They were sure to be called out soon, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t use the minutes before it happened to make sure that nothing had fallen or been damaged that they might need later out on the call. He helped with making sure none of their tanks were damaged. He could see Hen checking the ambulance. There was still a lot more to take care of within the station itself, but dispatch was sending them out and that was more important. 

They rushed back onto the truck and Eddie felt his phone burning in his pocket. When he tried to call Buck again the call didn’t even go through. Cell phone towers were probably down. That’s all that it was. He had to tell himself that and believe it. 

“I can’t get ahold of Buck,” Eddie said. 

“Christopher is fine,” Hen said. She was looking at her phone too. Worried about Karen and Denny. He was sure that Bobby was feeling the same about Athena, May, and Harry. But the job had to come first for them. Christopher was with Buck and Eddie trusted Buck to take care of him. It didn’t mean that his worry disappeared, but it meant that Eddie could shove it to the side because he needed to do his job. 

—-

The first sign that something was wrong was Legolas. People always said that dogs could sense things before they happened. Buck hadn’t expected it to be true. 

Buck and Christopher spent a good chunk of time outside with Legolas until Buck figured that it was a good idea to get some lunch into Christopher and either way he could tell that Christopher was getting tired. So they headed inside and Buck brought Christopher over to where Legolas’ plate was kept. He checked his phone to see if Eddie had texted back after the last few pictures he’d sent him but there was nothing likely because he was busy working. Buck dropped his phone on the counter. 

“Are we gonna feed him, Buck?”

Buck nodded. “Yup.”

Buck usually just poured the food from the bag directly into Legolas’ plate, but he looked around the kitchen and found a small plastic bowl. 

“Okay, so you just get some food and put it on his place,” Buck said, tilting the bag towards Christopher so he could reach. 

It was a bit messy and kibble was going everywhere, but Christopher seemed to be enjoying himself but Buck couldn’t help but notice that Legolas wasn’t wiggling around and trying to get at the food and instead he seemed to be pacing and sniffing the air, his ears moving as if he were listening for something. 

Then, Legolas started barking. He nudged at Buck’s legs one moment, almost making him drop the dog food and then he paused in front of Christopher, head tilted as if he were listening to something and then he took off just narrowly avoiding bumping into Christopher’s crutches. 

“Legolas! What is—”

“Is he okay, Buck?” Chris asked. 

“I don’t know, kid, but—” 

Christopher was standing right by Buck and when everything started shaking. One of Christopher’s crutches slid on the floor. Buck dropped the bag of dog food, grabbing Christopher as the cabinets opened up and things were falling. Something hit Buck on the shoulder but he shielded Christopher and got them out of the kitchen to the door frame out of the kitchen and into the living room. He clutched Christopher to him. 

“What’s happening?” Christopher asked. 

He looked scared, but he wasn’t crying and his arms were holding onto Buck’s neck with a tight grip. 

“Earthquake,” Buck said. “It will be over soon. It’s gonna be okay. I got you.” 

The worst part about it was hearing things falling on the second floor, shaken off of wherever they were sitting and making noises that Christopher kept getting startled at. Even though the earthquake must have lasted no more than a few minutes, it felt like it went on for much longer. Christopher’s face was pressed into his neck and he was whimpering a little towards the end and Buck could just hold onto him until everything came to a stop. 

Things were broken and thrown about and there was plaster dust from where the walls had cracked a bit but Buck figured that things could have been worse. He held onto Christopher a little longer. 

“It stopped shaking,” Christopher said and Buck loosened his hold so he could get a look at him. 

He was okay. 

“And that, kid, was an earthquake,” Buck said, trying to keep calm. Christopher was okay. That’s what mattered. “Ever been through one before?” 

“I think so,” Christopher said. “Buck, I wanna talk to my daddy.” 

“Yes. Yes, we should call him. And you’re okay, right?”

Christopher nodded and Buck searched for his phone in his pockets. Buck’s phone wasn’t in his pocket though. He remembered leaving it on the counter in the kitchen while he was pouring the food. It had to be in there in that mess. Slowly he set Christopher down. 

“Okay, kid, just wait here and I’ll go find my phone and we can call your dad. He’s probably worried about you too.” 

“Okay,” Christopher said. 

Without his crutches which were also somewhere in the kitchen, Christopher just leaned against the door frame and waited. 

Buck didn’t have a hard time finding his phone, but the screen was cracked, shattered more like so that even when he clicked the power button and the screen came on, he could barely make anything but light out and he cut his finger trying to press anything on there, leaving a blood stain on the phone. 

“Looks like my phone is broken, Christopher,” Buck said. 

“Oh, no,” Christopher said and his face was doing a thing where it was scrunching up and he looked like he was going to start crying and Buck was not prepared to deal with that. 

Buck grabbed Christopher’s crutches and walked back. “Hey, Christopher, look at me. I’m sure your dad is okay. He’s a firefighter, right, so he knows what to do when there’s an emergency. Now, important question, do you know your dad’s phone number?” 

Because Buck didn’t. Christopher gave a nod. 

“Okay. Good, that’s good.” 

Buck had to think quickly. His best bet was finding someone that had a working phone to try and call Eddie and let him know that Christopher was okay. Buck had been through a few earthquakes since moving to California but it didn’t make him used to them. What he did know was that there would likely be some sort of aftershock afterwards sometime in the next few hours which gave them some time. 

“Come on, we can see if one of the neighbors has a working phone,” Buck said.

“What about Legolas? We can’t leave him.” 

Christopher was trying to wipe his face with the sleeve of his shirt, but Buck grabbed his hand and stopped him and then picked him up again. The bathroom was a bit of a mess but it wasn’t as bad as the kitchen and Buck grabbed a towel and cleaned Christopher up. 

“Let’s go get the leash and we can go outside,” Buck said and then yelled “Legolas!” 

Buck grabbed his keys, Andrew’s keys, and then found Legolas’ leash but the dog wasn’t appearing. He called a few more times. 

“He’s probably hiding, Chris. He’ll be okay.” 

“No, no, Buck. He won’t.” Christopher looked at him stubbornly and Buck was sure that he wouldn’t let them leave without the dog. 

Buck sighed. “Okay. Okay. Legolas! Come here, boy!”

He got lucky and the dog appeared. Buck had no clue where he’d been hiding, but he came towards him and Buck showed him the leash which seemed to excite him. Buck got the leash on him quickly and then motioned for Christopher to follow him to the front door. It was a little stuck which wasn’t a great sign, but Buck got it open and then forced it closed. 

Some car alarms could still be heard all over the street outside but most had quieted down. A few people were outside looking for damage on their houses. Legolas barked, but he didn’t pull on the leash and it did still amaze Buck how well trained this dog was. He helped Christopher down the stairs being careful because he had no idea if the stairs had been damaged somehow. 

“Okay, come on. We’ll get ahold of your dad somehow,” Buck said. He just hoped that Eddie wouldn’t be too busy to pick up. 

The next door neighbor, a guy named Mike lent him a cell phone but warned him that it was likely some cell towers were down. Sure enough, he couldn’t get a call through to Eddie. 

“Thanks, man,” Buck said and handed the phone back. 

“No problem. Good luck.” 

“Can’t reach him. So, how about we try the fire station? We can wait for him there.” Logically Buck knew that it was likely that the 118 would be out for a while dealing with all kinds of emergencies. They might be waiting on them for hours. It did feel better than sticking around Andrew’s house and waiting or heading back to his apartment. 

Christopher’s lip was starting to get wobbly again and Buck had to remember that in some ways, he was still very much a stranger to Christopher. He knelt down in front of him. 

“Chris, I will get you to your dad, okay. You’re safe with me, you know that right?” 

Christopher nodded. “I know.”

“Good, that’s good. Now come on.”  

—-

They had calls back to back which at least kept Eddie’s mind off of worrying about Christopher the entire time. It was easier to hold it together when there was someone to help and someone to rescue. Eddie knew that he could trust Buck to watch Christopher, but a parent just never stopped worrying. It would be the same if Chris had been with Abuela or with Carla. 

“He’s fine, Eddie,” Chimney said yet again the moment that Eddie was looking at his phone again. 

He’d managed to get a call out to Pepa who told him things were fine at the hospital with both Abuela and Andrew so at least that made him feel better but it didn’t keep him from worrying about his son. And Buck. And then the next call they went to had them going to the hospital because during the earthquake someone had gotten stuck inside an elevator and minor structural damage meant that for security reasons the elevator wouldn’t move and they needed to go out and get it moving again. So while they were there, after taking care of the elevator, they took a moment to check in with Andrew. 

Andrew was happy to see them if a bit surprised. 

“Crazy stuff, earthquakes,” Andrew said and then looking at Bobby, “remember that time that one created that sinkhole? Crazy rescue.”

They all froze and looked at Andrew. 

“You remember that,” Hen said. 

Andrew nodded. “I’m remembering lots of things.”

Eddie went to see Abuela too before they took off. She was doing okay and Eddie didn’t mention that he hadn’t heard from Buck about Christopher yet, but Pepa was perceptive and Eddie knew she’d been able to tell he was worried. 

Afterwards, they headed to a few more calls. It was a while before they got back to the station. The day was just constant because earthquakes had massive effects and it was all hands on deck. They were tired and definitely a bit sweaty and dirty from everything they’d done all day but it was all made worse by the worry that Eddie felt for Christopher. Hen had gotten a call from Karen and Bobby had heard from Michael. They’d run into Athena at one of the calls. It was just Christopher and Buck that no one knew anything about. 

So arriving at the station and seeing Buck’s Jeep parked up front, Eddie felt like he could take full breaths again. 

And then they were off the truck and Buck and Christopher were looking down on them from upstairs with Legolas sitting at Buck’s side, barking as they came off the truck and Eddie had never felt more relieved. 

“Daddy!” Christopher cried and he wiggled excitedly where he stood. 

Eddie ran up the stairs and Christopher was waiting right at the top. Eddie wrapped his arms around him, bringing him in tight. He was okay. His son was okay. Eddie held him for a long moment but then pushed him back so he could actually look at him and ascertain that there really was nothing wrong with him. Nothing was. There wasn’t even a scratch on him. 

“Daddy, I’m okay,” Christopher said, squirming a bit. 

Hen ruffled Christopher’s hair when she made it up the stairs and Eddie moved out of the way so she could pass as Chimney came up behind her. 

“Christopher,” Chimney said, hand up for a high five that Christopher gladly gave him complete with a giggle. 

Having the weight of the worry fall away, Eddie finally looked towards where Buck was standing with Legolas at his side. It was Hen that reached him first, pulling Buck into a hug and then dropping down to one knee in front of Legolas. Legolas laid down and even rolled over to get a belly rub at the attention he was getting. 

“What happened?” Chimney asked, looking at Buck. 

“We were okay but Christopher wanted his dad and I figured I’d come here and wait you guys out,” Buck said, looking at each of them.   

“I was worried,” Eddie said, approaching Buck with Christopher at his side because Christopher had attached himself to Eddie. 

“Buck took care of me when everything was shaking,” Christopher said. “It was scary, but he made it better.” 

Buck gained some pink to his cheeks and he didn’t seem to know what to say, so it was good timing on Bobby’s side that he stepped upstairs and noticed what none of the rest of them had, that there was something cooking in the kitchen. 

“Beat me to the kitchen,” Bobby said. 

Buck was still a little pink. “I hope it’s okay. I just...I figured you guys would be tired and hungry and we were here anyway. Needed to keep the kid distracted too.” 

“It smells good,” Hen said. “And I think we all need to get cleaned up before we eat.” 

Eddie had almost forgotten how messy they all were from the day they’d had. 

“Gives me time to finish up,” Buck said. 

Eddie hugged Christopher again and then promised to be back soon and he followed the others down to the lockers. He was feeling so much relief to have seen Christopher with his own eyes. It made his shower even better than it could have felt otherwise but Eddie still kept it short and quick. He got back up to the loft before anyone else and found Buck behind the island in the kitchen with Christopher sitting up on the counter.

“So, what did you cook, anyway?” 

“Come and look,” Buck said. 

Eddie walked around. Buck had made chicken alfredo and it both looked and smelled delicious and Eddie hadn’t actually realized how hungry he was. 

“And we made desert too, daddy,” Christopher said. 

“Oh?” 

Christopher nodded quickly. “I helped,” he said proudly. 

Eddie chuckled. His son loved to cook and bake things which was all due to Abuela and Pepa and how often when he was with them, they spent time cooking. Eddie was not good in the kitchen. He did what he could because he had a kid and he had to feed that kid, but Eddie had learned to keep things as simple as possible if he wanted to actually feed Christopher anything that was edible.  

He helped Buck bring the food over to the table because along with the chicken alfredo, he had cut up bread and made a salad. 

“Wow, well I vote we keep you around, Buckaroo,” Hen said when she made it upstairs. 

“I only know how to cook three things,” Buck said. 

“Better than Eddie, here,” Chimney said. “It’s a good thing he knows how to deal with fires.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes but knew better than to complain because Chimney would just keep it going. 

“Well, it looks good, Buck,” Bobby said. 

Buck helped Christopher sit down and he even went as far as to serve him some food and Eddie couldn’t help but just watch as the two of them talked to each other. Christopher was so distracted by Buck that he didn’t even notice when Eddie sat down at his other side. 

“Those two are getting along,” Hen said. 

“Yeah,” Eddie said. “Buck loves kids.” 

Hen frowned at that. “But your brother doesn’t,” she said. 

“He doesn’t like dogs either,” Eddie pointed out. 

At the moment Legolas was under the table and probably hoping that someone would pass him some food from the table. Eddie might have snuck him some chicken when he first sat down, but he was sure he saw Buck reach under the table too. 

“But Buck does,” Hen said. 

Eddie shrugged and then got distracted when Christopher pulled his attention. His eyes met Buck’s when he leaned towards Christopher and Eddie hated himself for the way that his heart rate sped up in the split moment when Buck’s blue eyes were looking directly at him, beautiful as ever. And then Buck smiled at him and Eddie had to look away. 

—-

Buck hung out at the fire station after they finished eating. Hen and Chim went down to restock things with a few other firefighters while Eddie took care of cleaning up the dishes and the kitchen. Christopher sat up on one of the stools watching and Buck did his best to help while Legolas lay on his feet. 

“That dog loves you,” Eddie said. 

“I love him too,” Buck said and he was going to hate the day when he wouldn’t get to see him again after it was all over. 

“Thank you for bringing Christopher here,” Eddie said. “He’s...he’s the most important thing in my life, you know?” 

“I know,” Buck said. “You’re a good dad.”

Eddie pursed his lips but he nodded. “Now, maybe. I made so many mistakes — wasn’t always there for him.”

“But you are now,” Buck said. “And you love him so that’s all that matters.”

Buck knew first hand how much that mattered. He’d been thinking about his parents and Maddie a lot lately probably because of the family he’d gotten to be in the peripherals of. Buck wasn’t sure if his parents had even shown that they loved him and Maddie. They hadn’t really been there in a way that kids needed their parents. Maddie had stepped up and Buck knew she loved him even if they hadn’t spoken in over three years and even if Maddie had left him with their parents when she went off to school. 

They hadn’t made it past half the dishes before the alarm for a call rang out. 

“I’m surprised we made it this far,” Eddie said and then he was off, but he stopped at the stairs. “Will you...will you be here?” 

“Yeah,” Buck said. “Yeah...we’ll stick around.” 

Eddie nodded and he looked relieved. “Good.” 

Having seen his dad, Christopher had relaxed some but he could tell that he still worried and Buck wondered how much this kid did worry about his dad while Eddie was at work. Maybe it was more real when a natural disaster happened or with him at the station seeing his dad rush off and get into one of the trucks and go. Still, Christopher seemed to enjoy being at the station and Buck couldn’t blame him for it. 

Legolas seemed to love being there too. He would have made a good fire house dog. He’d even found a ball somewhere. It was covered in dust bunnies and hair, but Legolas didn’t care about that, he was just happy to bring it over to Buck so Buck could throw it for him. They were lucky there was space for them to play with him inside and it distracted Christopher from thinking about his dad out on a call possibly in a dangerous situation.

Buck kept a close watch when Christopher went to throw the ball just in case it went somewhere it shouldn’t but he seemed to be doing fine even if he wasn’t throwing very far. Christopher did managed to bounce the ball over the glass banister and before Buck could stop him, Legolas ran down the stairs to fetch it. He leaned over the glass the watch Legolas and he watched as Legolas chased and managed to get hold of the ball. 

“He’s coming back, bud,” Buck said to Christopher. 

Buck Legolas didn’t walk up the stairs.

“Legolas! Up here!” Buck called down. 

That’s when the aftershock hit. The shaking pushed Buck against the banister, but he pushed away from it. Buck had forgotten about the possible aftershock entirely. He could hear Legolas barking and things falling and shaking, but it was Christopher who he needed to get to. 

“Buck!” Christopher cried out. 

Christopher wobbled on his crutches but they were helping to keep him on his feet, but Buck had barely taken a step towards him when one of the chairs near where Christopher was standing was knocked over and it hit Christopher’s shoulder. Buck saw it even as he was trying to reach him. Christopher fell, his crutches in the way and then Christopher screamed and Buck felt it down in his bones. 

–

Next Chapter

Notes: So Buck and Chris got to hang out...and they just can't avoid trouble when they do...

I do want to make a quick note of saying next chapter might be a bit delayed. Work has changed my schedule which means that my current sleep schedule is also going to need a change (and I usually write best between midnight and 5am) so I don't know how well these changes will pair with my writing/editing so don't be alarmed if it's more than a week's wait between this chapter and next (but it certainly won't be more than a two week wait). 

Thanks for reading and let me know what you thought. :)

If anyone wants to be tagged in future chapters let me know. 

Tagging: @tranquility-or-chaos @diazbuckleysworld @stilesgivesmefeels

Chris Rock wasn’t sure if he was hiding out or not.

On the Friday before Labor Day, he was speaking by phone from Yellow Springs, Ohio, the rustic village where he’d gone to spend time with Dave Chappelle, his friend and fellow comedian. Rock had previously traveled there in July to perform for a small, socially distanced audience as part of an outdoor comedy series Chappelle has been hosting. But Rock couldn’t decide if this return visit was meant to be clandestine. “I don’t know if it’s a secret,” he said quietly. “Maybe it is out here.” He couldn’t easily find the words to describe what he’d been doing just before this trip, either. “I mean, I guess I’ve been acting,” he said. After a short pause, he added, at a more assuredly Rock-like volume: “In a pandemic.”

In August, Rock had gone to Chicago to finish filming the fourth season of “Fargo,” the supremely arch FX crime drama, which makes its debut on Sept. 27. The show’s creator, Noah Hawley, had chosen him to star in its latest story line, set in the dapper gangland of 1950s Kansas City, Mo., and which casts Rock — the indefatigable standup and comic actor — as a mannered, methodical crime lord named Loy Cannon.

Maybe in a different universe where the show premiered in April as originally planned, the “Fargo” role has already put the 55-year-old Rock on a whole new career trajectory, opening the door to more serious and substantial roles and silencing the chorus of fans who still knowingly ask him for “one rib.” Maybe in this universe it still will.

But when the coronavirus pandemic struck, production on “Fargo” was halted in March, and Rock and his co-stars (including Jason Schwartzman, Ben Whishaw, Jessie Buckley and Andrew Bird) were all sent packing. Then at the end of the summer, Rock was summoned back to set, first to spend a week in quarantine and then to complete his acting work under new protocols and not a little bit of stress.

Other prominent projects of his have also been pushed back — he has a starring role in “Spiral,” a reboot of the “Saw” horror series, whose release was postponed a full year to May 2021. But Rock wasn’t mourning the delay of any professional gratification, having spent the spring and summer realigning his values for the new reality of pandemic life. “Maybe for like a day or two, I was like, ‘Oh, me,’” he said with an exaggerated whimper. “But honestly, it was more like, I’ve got to get to my kids and make sure my family is safe.”

In that time he has also heard countless Americans echoing the lesson he offered in the opening minutes of his 2018 standup special, “Tamborine,” where he spoke humorously but emphatically about the ongoing incidents of police violence against Black people. As he said in that routine, law enforcement was among the professions that simply cannot allow “a few bad apples”: “American Airlines can’t be like, ‘You know, most of our pilots like to land. We just got a few bad apples that like to crash in the mountains.’”

Now Rock was feeling mistrustful about the power of his comedy to do anything other than entertain, and unsure when he would get to perform it again for large audiences. And he was admittedly wary about this very interview, explaining with a chuckle that when he talks to the print media, he said, “You have to be comfortable with being boring. If you’re not comfortable with being boring, occasionally, you’re going to get in trouble.”

Not that Rock was ever boring in a wide-ranging conversation that encompassed “Fargo” and his broader career; his latest observations on a nation grappling simultaneously with a pandemic and a reinvigorated longing for racial equality; the resurfacing of a past video where Jimmy Fallon impersonated him in blackface; and of course, President Trump. (“No one has less compassion for humans than a landlord,” he said.) Even in the absence of an audience, Rock was candid, increasingly animated, uncommonly nimble and always looking for the laugh. Now, let the trouble begin.

These are edited excerpts from that conversation.

Was there a time when you thought this “Fargo” season was never going to get finished and that the series might not be seen for a long time, if ever?

I’ve had weird little things in my career — I was supposed to do this Bob Altman movie, “Hands on a Hard Body.” We were on the phone a lot, going over my character and I was so excited about doing the movie. And he died. I was supposed to be Jimmy Olsen in “Superman” with Nic Cage [“Superman Lives,” which was canceled in the late 1990s]. I remember going to Warner Bros., doing a costume fitting. Hanging out with Tim [Burton], who I idolized. Like, I’m hanging out with the guy that made “Pee-wee’s Big Adventure” and he’s showing me the models of the sets for “Superman.” So yeah, I definitely thought there’s a chance this might not happen. Fortunately for everyone involved, that was not the case.

How did Noah Hawley approach you about “Fargo”?

It was a weird day, because it was the day of the Emmy nominations and I didn’t get nominated for my last special [“Tamborine”]. I wouldn’t say I was down down, but I was a little disappointed, and then I got a call from my agent that Noah Hawley wanted to meet with me.

I get acting offers, but I get more hosting offers than anything. It is not uncommon for somebody to want me to do a high-priced wedding or bar mitzvah — a few years ago, I officiated the wedding of Daniel Ek, the owner of Spotify, and Bruno Mars was the wedding band. I think I sat next to [Mark] Zuckerberg at the reception. [Laughs.] I just assumed Noah had some crazy request like that. The only reason I went is because I love “Fargo.” And I get there and he offers me this part.

How did he explain the character of Loy Cannon to you?

He said 1950s gangster, so I know exactly who he’s talking about. My father was born in 1933. It’s not like “12 Years a Slave.” It’s literally a guy my grandfather’s age.

In the first episode, we see Loy pitching the idea for credit cards to an uninterested white banker. Is he a man who wants to be part of polite society, but it doesn’t want him?

I mean, I remember having a production overall deal at HBO and I came in with one person to sell a talk show with them. And they wouldn’t. That person’s name is Wendy Williams. [Laughs.] That’s $100 million that I never made. I was selling Leslie Jones to people, to agents and managers, for 10 years before she got on “S.N.L.” I’m very familiar with selling a no-brainer that people go, “Huh? Why that?”

Is he different from characters you’ve played before, because he’s older and we don’t know how much longer he’s going to be sitting on his throne?

Yeah, it’s one of those jobs: Because of how well it pays, you could be killed at any moment. It is the best part I’ve ever, ever, ever had. I hope it’s not the best part I ever have. Hey, Morgan Freeman’s done a hundred movies since “Shawshank Redemption.” But that’s the best part he ever had.

This role feels like it’s declaring itself as being outside the realm of what you’re best known for. Are you thinking differently about your acting career and where you hope to go with it?

My casting isn’t as weird as it seems if you really watch “Fargo.” Key and Peele are in the first season and Brad Garrett’s amazing in Season 2. Hey, it’s my turn, OK? I want to work on good stuff. Everything I’ve done hasn’t been great, but I was always striving for greatness. I loved “Marriage Story.” I’d kill for something like that. [Laughs.] You see what [Adam] Sandler did with “Uncut Gems.” But you’ve got to get the call and be ready when your number’s called.

Your 2014 film “Top Five,” which you wrote, directed and starred in, was very personal for you. Do you want to make more movies like that?

That’s a vein I intend to keep going in. When I made “Top Five,” I got divorced. And like most people that get divorced, I needed money. [Laughs.] I had to pay for stuff. I also went on tour. Because of Covid, it doesn’t look like there’s going to be any serious touring until 2022. So I’m a writer-director-actor right now. I’m working on some scripts in the “Top Five” vein and I honestly hope to direct, some time after the new year.

How much of “Fargo” did you have to finish during the pandemic?

It was like an episode and a half — the whole last episode, and some scenes from the one before it. It’s weird, quarantine when you’re acting. Acting can be isolating, anyway, and then you throw quarantine into that. You’re in solitary confinement with Netflix and Uber Eats. But let’s not get it too twisted. Somebody that’s in solitary is like, shut the [expletive] up. And then to actually act and get tested every other day, and wear a mask whenever you’re not saying your lines. And be cognizant of which zone you’re in. Because for Zone A, everyone’s been tested, but in Zone B, not everyone’s been tested. Zone C is just, everyone’s got Covid.

You performed at one of Chappelle’s live shows in July. What was that like for you?

When you’re in the clubs, you learn the rain crowd is the best crowd. Any time it’s raining, they really want to be there. The pandemic crowd is really good. “Dude, not only do we want to be here, there is nothing else to do. There’s nothing else to watch. Thank you.”

What did you talk about?

I talked about our political whatever. America. Part of the reason we’re in the predicament we’re in is, the president’s a landlord. No one has less compassion for humans than a landlord. [Laughs.] And we’re shocked he’s not engaged.

Did you ever see that movie “The Last Emperor,” where like a 5-year-old is the emperor of China? There’s a kid and he’s the king. So I’m like, it’s all the Democrats’ fault. Because you knew that the emperor was 5 years old. And when the emperor’s 5 years old, they only lead in theory. There’s usually an adult who’s like, “OK, this is what we’re really going to do.” And it was totally up to Pelosi and the Democrats. Their thing was, “We’re going to get him impeached,” which was never going to happen. You let the pandemic come in. Yes, we can blame Trump, but he’s really the 5-year-old.

Put it this way: Republicans tell outright lies. Democrats leave out key pieces of the truth that would lead to a more nuanced argument. In a sense, it’s all fake news.

Looking back at the beginning of “Tamborine,” the first several minutes is you talking about police violence and raising Black children in a racist country. Does it feel futile when you discuss these issues and it doesn’t change anything?

I remember when “Tamborine” dropped, I got a lot of flak over that cop thing. There was a lot of people trying to start a fire that never really picked up. It’s so weird that, two years later, it’s right on. I remember watching the news and Trump said “bad apples.” It was like, you did it! You did it!

But you told people two years ago —

I did. But so did Public Enemy. So did KRS-One. So did Marvin Gaye. There’s something about seeing things on camera. If O.J. kills Nicole on camera, the trial is two days. [Laughs.] It’s two days trying to figure out what kind of cell he deserves. It’s just Johnnie going, [Johnnie Cochran voice] “Well I think he needs at least a 12-by-8. Can he have ESPN?” That would be the whole trial.

But there was videotape of Rodney King’s beating, too. It doesn’t assure any particular outcome.

Yeah, man. Put it this way: This is the second great civil rights movement. And Dr. King and those guys were amazing. But they knew nothing about money. They didn’t ask for anything. At the end of the day, the things we got — it was just, hey, can you guys be humane? All we got was, like, humanity. If they had it to do all over again, in hindsight, there would be some attention paid to the financial disparity of all the years of — let’s not even count slavery, let’s just count Jim Crow.

You’re talking about a system that really didn’t end until about 1973. And I’m born in ’65 in South Carolina. I’m probably in a segregated wing of a hospital — there’s no way in the world I was next to a white baby. Even if the hospital wasn’t segregated, I was in a whole other room and that room didn’t have the good milk and the good sheets. My parents couldn’t own property in certain neighborhoods when I was born. There was an economic disparity there, and that was not addressed in the original civil rights movement. It was a huge oversight. So there’s no money and there’s no land. If you don’t have either one of those, you don’t really have much.

Did you want to participate in the recent protests?

Me and my kids, we looked from afar. But we’re in the middle of a pandemic, man, and I know people who have absolutely passed from it. I’m like, dude, this Covid thing is real.

You’ve been telling audiences for years that racism isn’t going away and remains a potent force in America. Do you feel like you’ve seen circumstances improve at all?

It’s real. It’s not going away. I said this before, but Obama becoming the president, it’s progress for white people. It’s not progress for Black people. It’s the Jackie Robinson thing. It’s written like he broke a barrier, as if there weren’t Black people that could play before him. And that’s how white people have learned about racism. They think, when these people work hard enough, they’ll be like Jackie. And the real narrative should be that these people, the Black people, are being abused by a group of people that are mentally handicapped. And we’re trying to get them past their mental handicaps to see that all people are equal.

Humanity isn’t progress — it’s only progress for the person that’s taking your humanity. If a woman’s in an abusive relationship and her husband stops beating her, you wouldn’t say she’s made progress, right? But that’s what we do with Black people. We’re constantly told that we’re making progress. The relationship we’re in — the arranged marriage that we’re in — it’s that we’re getting beat less.

Jimmy Fallon drew significant criticism this past spring for a 20-year-old clip of himself playing you in blackface on “Saturday Night Live.” How did you feel about that segment?

Hey, man, I’m friends with Jimmy. Jimmy’s a great guy. And he didn’t mean anything. A lot of people want to say intention doesn’t matter, but it does. And I don’t think Jimmy Fallon intended to hurt me. And he didn’t.

There’s been a wider push to expunge blackface from any movies or TV shows where it previously appeared. Have people taken it too far?

If I say they are, then I’m the worst guy in the world. There’s literally one answer that ends my whole career. Blackface ain’t cool, OK? That’s my quote. Blackface is bad. Who needs it? It’s so sad, we live in a world now where you have to say, I am so against cancer. “I just assumed you liked cancer.” No, no, no, I am so against it. You have to state so many obvious things you’re against.

Who do you hang with these days? Who’s your peer group?

I hang with Dave [Chappelle]. I hang with my kids. I hang with Nelson George. There’s not a lot of hanging in the Covid world. The better question is, who do you FaceTime with?

So who do you FaceTime with?

The other day I realized I’ve never met an elderly person that was cared for by their friends. Every elderly person I know that’s got any trouble is cared for by a spouse or a child. Sometimes they have like five kids but only one helps. Where are your friends? Your friends are probably not going to be there when it really counts. [Laughs.] When my dad was dying in the hospital, where were his friends? My grandmother, where were her friends? Don’t get me wrong, you get sick in your 20s, your friends will come to the hospital. It’s an adventure. [Laughs.] You get sick in your 60s, they farm it out. “You go Wednesday and I’ll go Sunday.”

Enjoy them while you have them. But if you think your friends are your long-term solution to loneliness, you’re an idiot.

Yes! Steven rilling Andrew up is an daily thing tbh. I loved your observations on the last 3eps of worth it. The sounds they made in the savory pie ep were WILD, get a room (with only one bed lol, classic theme that i enjoy even if it's cliche❤️). Btw do you know this fic called sweet stuff? I rec it, Steven + dress is *chef kiss*. Also off topic i love those AU in which Andrew is a history teacher and Steven is an engineer and both are basically nerd af but in the cutest way possible

Steven, no matter how innocent, is just too naive at times to resist! He does things that are so innocent, and tbh, it sometimes flies by me as well, but Andrew always always notices so tbh, sometimes Steven doesn't even have to try and rile Andrew up lmao bitch gets riled up on his own

And Worth it’s last three ep’s? We all can just clearly see the heart eyes Steven and Andrew give each other. IT’S THAT STRONG. QUARANTINE CAN’T CONTAIN THEM lmao Also, I remember that part with Steven talking about soulmates and such, him calling him and Andrew soulmates and that’s just *sighs dreamily* they truly do love each other that much (PS: I keep forgetting to gif that part, I’ve been so busy recently lol)

AND YES YES, I KNOW THAT FANFIC IT IS FUCKING AMAZING UGHHHHHH  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ It’s one of the few fics I always re-read (most of the fics I reread are either smut or age-regression tbh) Steven is a dress iss sooooo good, especially when he’s in his cute pastel fluffy element. That fanfic was an amazing mixture of fluffy and smutty and goddddd, the author really delivered to us! THEY MADE A MASTERPIECE *chef kiss as well*

AND DID YOU JUST SAY ENGINEER STEVEN!? *whips out a couple of my unfinished fanfics*

If I could direct your lovely attention here Anon lol, I made this promo post before for my Standrew Tenshibyou AU. This one is gonna be long as well and I haven’t finished it yet lmao but a bit of spoiler, Steven is an engineer here and while Andrew, not really a history teacher, is a dietician. I wanted him to have a job that still involves food, but more on research and I decided on this uwu  ❤️

tbh, that fanfic doesn’t even have a title yet lmao Can’t decide whether to name it as Angels & Demons or Angel Sanctuary tbh will think of more soon lol

I have another Engineer!Steven, but it’s also in the gothic-horror genre lmao It’s a Doctor Sleep AU, and more of a Stadamdrew rather than just Standrew  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

but hmmmm History teacher Andrew and Engineer Steven is also a very good AU e.e I do love the idea of them being such nerds together e.e Anon, how dare u give me another idea lmaooo THIS IS A VERY GOOD IDEA THO

Okay, so let’s start it off like this:

Shane and Andrew work at the same university, they’re both history teachers so let’s just make this a huge university (idk how it is in America, but my old uni had double professors at times lol). Shane is trying to invite Andrew and Adam to one of their outings because Shane wants his fellow professor to go out and enjoy, he thinks Andrew is too focused on his work needs to loosen up a bit.

Andrew, begrudgingly, finally agrees as long as Adam goes along with him (Adam didn’t need to be persuaded, because he had a very healthy social lifestyle thank you very much). 

They meet at this swanky bar where Shane is off to meet his boyfriend Ryan. Ryan, incidentally, brought along his bestfriend Steven who just RECENTLY CAME OUT AS GAY. Ryan is trying to show his bestfriend a good time and maybe *nudge nudge* set him up with someone cute while he’s at it.

OH OH I WANT A LOVE TRIANGLE BETWEEN ADAM AND ANDREW AND STEVEN.

Adam really, only went along cuz he’s actually been pinning on Andrew for a while now, but Andrew hasn’t really noticed because too busy with work duh.

So the three of them meet at the bar and Andrew is actually pretty interested at Steven, he thinks he’s cute, he’s funny, and he has that bubbly personality that draws Andrew in... Too bad he looks like he’s more attracted to Adam though.

Adam flirts a little with Steven and they get along swimmingly well and it only adds to Andrew’s sour mood because hey he’s supposed to be having a good time, but the only guy he’s interested in doesn’t seem to notice him that much

So, the night ends, Adam gets Steven’s number and Andrew is just pissed off

Days pass, Steven and Andrew meet by accident!

Well, not entirely, because Shane actually invited Steven over to his class because he wanted Steven to demonstrate the history of chemicals when it came to the revolution of man and who better to explain chemistry than a chemist himself! 

So, Steven asks Andrew if he could help him find Shane because he got lost since the university is big and Andrew, seriously, Steven is cute and Andrew is a decent guy so he helps Steven out and they get to talking and one thing led to another, they’re getting coffee after work hours! Andrew is really not trying to get his hopes up, this is just a simple coffee, Steven just wants to take a break and all that.

So they get coffee, they talk alot, Steven is a big nerd with history as well and Andrew is all the more intrigued with him. Steven explains more the history of chemicals and such, and he’s so passionate and knowledgeable in his field that Andrew just can’t help but listen to him babble on and on about it. 

Then, Steven stops, looks at Andrew shyly and says “Sorry, I sometimes get carried away, hope I’m not boring you.” 

And Andrew’s all like shaking his head and saying “No, I love listening to you talk.” And Steven gets all blushy and happy and woah, Andrew loves seeing that.

By the end of their coffee “date”, Steven ends up inviting Andrew to a  convention. And to both of their surprises, it’s a CAT CONVENTION THAT THEY BOTH PLANNED ON ATTENDING. They both end up showing pictures of their cats, Steven with Simba and Andrew with Riceball and Wellington.

So Andrew is just really charmed, he really likes Steven and he can’t wait for their next ehem, “date”. He’s so excited he tells his bestfriend Adam about it.

Adam, although he did like Steven, has been pinning for Andrew for a long time now. So on the day of the cat convention, both Steven and Andrew meet Adam there as a surprise, Adam ambushed them lmaooo

Adam makes up some bullshit excuse about coming here because he was in the neighborhood and he thought he’d drop by, Andrew is suspicious because why would Adam suddenly come here? What is his ulterior motive here?

So the three of them hang out and Steven is a bit flustered because he likes BOTH Andrew and Adam and this is a bit awkward and there’s some tension here and there so yeah

So the convention ends and they all bid their goodbye’s, and Steven is a tiny bit upset because he wanted to really hang out with Andrew but, he was feeling shy around Adam. Yet at the same time, Adam didn’t really even call him back after that night at the bar.

So lo and behold! Andrew suddenly texts Steven on his way home, he wanted to know if Steven wants to hang out again and this time, maybe just the two of them? Andrew isn’t going to drop the date word yet, he wants to say it face to face cuz he’s that type of guy and Steven happily agrees!

SOOOO THEY GO ON “DATES” , Andrew hasn’t really dropped the date word yet, but Steven is always taking him on so many different places and good restaurants to eat at and the more Andrew spends time with Steven, the more he actually think that he may be falling in love and fuckkkk

wait, I want this to end in Stadamdrew

So, let’s develop Steven and Adam’s relationship this time.

Steven gathers up his courage and contacts Adam, he was planning on just telling Adam that it was nice to see him again after the cat convention. Adam decides to entertain Steven for now and they talk through text and woah, they actually really have a lot in common as well!

Steven is into photography and good books, they also have the same music tastes so they exchange and give recommendations to each other a lot. Steven told Adam that it’s okay if they’re just friends and he just wanted to hang out with him. Adam sees that there’s nothing wrong with giving the guy a chance so they go on book “dates”  together and go to music stores and laugh a lot and watch shitty movies together to make fun of and oh

oh no, Adam is actually genuinely starting to like Steven and fuck, this was not how he was intending for this to go but like, Steven is really great and he loves his smile, his laugh, and he is such a smart and talented person and fuckkk Adam got so whipped over Steven that he doesn’t even know why he didn’t bother to call Steven again after that night at the bar!

Meanwhile, Steven is having a crises! Oh no!

He likes both Adam and Andrew and they’re both bestfriends and fuckk!! Okay, he thinks that maybe they’re both just really nice and they aren’t really interested in him but, Steven really likes both of them and gosh, this is not how he wanted things to go down in his life right now

I’m thinking Andrew would make he first more here, like he would officially ask Steven out and Steven would be really ecstatic because like YES!! He does really like Andrew and gosh, he is so so happy to be dating him and they’re both having a great time together and Shane and Ryan keep teasing them and well...

Everything is great, but they both notice that Adam has become really distant and quiet recently. He’s been cancelling on hanging out and he doesn’t really talk to them that much anymore and Andrew is more concerned because Adam is best friend and he’s never seen Adam be like that, not since, he ehem got his heart broken so Andrew wants to make his friend happy again

Steven comes along to help out and they annoy Adam almost every day until Adam SNAPS and he gets pissed at both of them and then all confessions break out that Adam is actually really REALLY happy for them but at the same time he’s really not?! Because he likes both Andrew and Steven, and he’s really been pinning over Andrew for the longest time now and now that he’s seeing both Steven and Andrew together, two guys he really likes, he’s just really sad and jealous and he walks out and Andrew and Steven are stunned.

The boyfriends do a sleepover at Andrew’s place and they talk about it and Andrew realizes that oh fuck he really likes Adam as well and wow, Steven also really likes Adam and he was having a crisis before because he wanted to both date Andrew and Adam and damnnnn

So the ending is basically Steven and Andrew woo-ing Adam to become their boyfriend and it becomes a happy OT3 Stadamdrew  ❤️ The End  ❤️

jfc this got so long I am so sorry, I am supposed to be updating my fanfic but this happened lmaooooo hope u like it tho anon, this was a wild ride for me XD

Scary year she had-my story

In the middle of December, Amy moved to Lower Gornal is a village in Staffordshire close to Dudley. She decided to do it a couple of months ago.  It was only a few weeks before Christmas. She really loves cold weather. It's the reason why she like autumn around October/November and winter up till March time. She decided to do it because she wanted to change in life. For her and to be happy. She left her family over 100 miles away in Norwich. For now anyway. Her parents died in an accident a few years back. She manages to get a job as a bartender in a pub in Gornal village called The Woodman. It wasn't her dreamed job but it was only 15 minutes walk from where she lives and the paid good money. Mostly around Christmas and New Year time. Amy had a younger sister named Beth. Beth had 2 kids: Josh and Zoe. Of course, she had some uncles and auties, etc but they live in Ireland. Beth also was a single mother. The father of the kids left them like a couple of years ago. He moved to Germany. He decided that a normal family isn't something for him. That why Amy wanted to settle down and furniture her 3 bedroom house. It might sound like small for 4 people but 2 bedrooms are a good size and one its large than it wouldn't a problem for the divide for 2 parts. Amy loved her niece and nephew like her own. She didn't have her own. It's not like she didn't want to have kids. She just waits for the right time and right men. That is another reason why she moved. For a better life for her and her sister. Beth and kids spouse moved with Amy around August after kids finish the school year. Kids would go to Straits school and Beth would work up the road from their school in Bageridge social club. At least Amy would have a few months to sort everything out. Amy and Beth weren't most religious people. They didn't been going to church. Unless they had to or they feel like it. In the area, you have few. But 1 very inspire Amy while her sister been still living in Norwich. St James' Church had big cementary. Because Amy's hobby was taking the picture and she also like take creepy pictures and this church with an old-style creepy greybeard was perfect for her. ...... It's finally Christmas. Beth and kids spend a few days with Amy around. They all liked the area. And had so much fun. Mostly after Amy been so busy at her new job, sorting a new place to leave, etc. I had some rest and fun and some lovely food. Yes, it might go fast because just after Christmas Beth had to come back to Norwich and Amy had come back work... Still..... Family time and have some rest before busy a few months before her family will be moving in with her. ..... Just a day after they went Amy decided that after work she'll go around cemetery take finnaly pictures she planned over a week ago. She finishes at half past 10 at night. It's a perfect time to take some creepy pictures at night. She had a day off the next day because she was doing double shifts over new year's eve and a new year. ...... And now when finnaly she's taking a picture after having permission from a local vicar from St James' Church.  She really had a chance to finish her portfolio. She always wanted to send her pictures for a contest. Of course, the subjects of her work would be scary parts of the UK. But meanwhile she was getting ready to leave, after all, a number of ghostly voices had been heard in the churchyard. To start with she thought she's tired and that she hallucinates or partly dreaming. But it was getting more intense. The late time made her decide to go home. The next day she went to a vicarage and talk to a Vicar about that. Vicar Andrew told Amy that in 1881 finally resulting in the local vicar being assaulted by an unknown force. An exorcism finally disposed of the entities. …. So far she decides to move on. End of the day she didn't want this put her of the area she lives and pictures she took. And still added pictures to her portfolio. … 2  months later around Valentine's day place where she works The Woodman was making everything ready for a day. Some people were booking tables for a romantic meal. Also was prepare for people coming for quick drink and food. Also, they needed space for the usual guests. But they didn't expect that the place would start becoming subject poltergeist activity over the last couple of days. In the upstairs kitchen, all the plates were smashed except one which was left in the middle of the floor. A large key went missing only to reappear the following day in the middle of a bed which had only just been made. Perhaps the most surprising activity there, certainly for the staff and customers who witness it (on a Valentines evening), is full pint glasses being lifted off the bar tables and placed on the floor without a drop being spilled. On one occasion a heavy metal spirit measure was thrown in the main bar by some unseen hand. Fortunately, it dropped just short of the intended target, a customer ordering a pint. It surely caused some problems for a bar. they lost some customers. And some refuse to pay. ...... After a story about what happened on Valentine's day, The Woodman become a popular place for fans of paranormal activity and start have more completely new customers. This started Amy having a conversation with a couple of paranormal investigators about what happened to her by a greyviard around new year time. She shows them pictures from the time. I spoke to them about her passion to take pictures, mostly around cemeteries. Which they ask her if like her taking pictures wouldn't wanna join them with their investigating paranormal stories around Sedgley (which wasn't too far where she lives) and the Gornal area. They needed someone with a camera who like some kinda paranormal hobby. Of course, they offer her some small payments each time she goes with them. And yes she did agree to do it for them but only in days off from work. ....... A few days later they came to her for a chat. It was the first time after a while since she had 2 days off work. Sebastian and Sheldon (because that's what their names were) had something interesting to show and tell to Amy. After the thing, she told them about the church and a greyviard it makes them interesting enough to make a little research. They did find that this leads to The Doppelganger and Ghosts of Lower Gornal stories from the same time scale as the story she knew from a vicar. The following news story (they find a copy in one of the books in Dudley Library) appeared in 1881 and relates to what Beach has tentatively termed ghost riots. That ghosts are seen is, of course, absolutely par for the course, particularly back in the nineteenth century when fairy sightings were occasionally reported in local newspapers. But what is special about community ghost hysteria is that a wider group, sometimes the entire community, are caught up in the excitement. Beach has a handlist of a dozen of these events and the hysteria ranges from unofficial curfews to miners patrolling the streets in an attempt to lynch the ghost in question. Which this actually match slightly to what she saw and knew from the Vicar. And it seems to interest. This is an intermediate case in a newspaper the copied in a library from the time said: "Great alarm has been occasioned in Lower Gornal district in consequence of its being alleged that the ghost of the convict Martland, who attempted to murder the Rev. J. Rooker the vicar of the parish, has been seen in the churchyard. Scores of people assert that ghosts are seen in the churchyard every night, the result is that hundreds of persons are afraid to be near the church at night. The choir and other persons are so terrified that they refuse to go to the church unless protected by the police. For several nights the vicarage has been guarded by people who are afraid that the vicar will be murdered. The people are very superstitious. This morning a woman asked the vicar to cut a turf four inches square from a grave in which lay a man who could not be at ease because of a guilty conscience, and stated that the putting of the turf on the communion table would cause all the ghosts to disappear. (1881)" Sebastian tries to show that there are a couple of interesting points here. To start with, why is there a confusion between the ghost of the convict Martland and ‘the ghosts' more generally? It sounds as if ‘the ghosts' are a recent, not a longstanding problem. Have they somehow been called into existence by the treacherous Martland and are they his allies? And another thing, who the hell is this Martland? Well, in 1879 Rooker who was a vicar since 1848, had had a run-in with the head of his choir one Charles Hartland (but don't forget that newspaper editors in the 19th century had almost as little fact-checking skills as bloggers in the 21st). Hartland shot Rookerbut he miraculously survived the shooting even though 2 bullets lodged in his head and on the end Hartland was sent to prison for 12 years of hard labor: the general feeling in the locality was that Hartland had not been himself and many signed a petition for leniency including Rooker, a much-loved village personality. A completely different source, incidentally, reveals that one of his parishioners accidentally attacked the vicar believing him to be a ghost for some reason. Rooker seems to have been one of life's fall guys. One very weird thing in all this is that as of the census 1881 Hartland was still alive and in December there is a record of an attempt to have Hartland's sentence reduced again. In other words, this wasn't Hartland's ghost but a doppelganger! Which this story completely confused Amy. And she wasn't only one. It seems like "ghosts" and doppelgangers might sounds they the same thing? Or what really it can be. .............. It's been almost a month since Amy was helping Sebastian and Sheldon with paranormal investigating between her working time. While then they been around Sedgley. And, fittingly for a village steeped in history, there is no shortage of spine-chilling stories and eye-witness accounts of scary and ghostly apparitions…. The picture Amy manages to take shows or seems to show a spectral figure emerging from the darkness on Turls Hill bridleway – a route which local historians believe dates back to before 1600 and has been the scene of several ghastly incidents. They manage to find that local photographer Mike, who also manage take the same/similar image on his Flickr page under his username, Derarfni, says: "It all started about 10 years ago, after hearing local stories and reading an article about the ‘Turls Hill Ghost'. "We went down for a laugh, just with simple a ‘point and shoot' digital camera and came back and noticed peculiar occurrences in the photos. This became a bit of an obsession and we ended up spending many nights, taking photos – which amounted to many thousands, mostly pictures of nothing, but occasionally, say 1 in a 1,000, we had something unexplainable." It's the reason why Amy, Sebastian, and Sheldon decided to talk to Mike and his friends. Because it Looks like they manage good very good observations. It didn't surprise Sebastian and Sheldon that Mike and his friends captured something unexplainable on camera. Turls Hill bridleway is known to be haunted by a veiled lady and her two suicidal sons, who shot themselves in the adjoining quarry on separate occasions. Also, a steelworks owner, who once lived in Turls Hill House, at the top of the lane which was also known as The Belgians (which now is demolished), apparently went bankrupt, building a wall around his estate and eventually shooting himself in the quarry. .............. After this part, they have also been in another part of Sedgley which it didn't been taken any less scary or interesting. After the thing that happens in Woodman, they decided to check some pubs and hotels around Sedgley if they had anything similar or another style of paranormal activity. And it seems like pubs are notorious sites for hauntings, so it comes as no surprise to discover that not all the spirits at Sedgley's Beacon Hotel, home of the Sarah H. brewery, come in bottles. The following passage, taken with kind permission from Beer and Spirits: A guide to Haunted Pubs in the Black Country and Surrounding Area, by David Taylor and Andrew Homer, explains more about this allegedly haunted Victorian hostelry…. Sedgley's Beacon Hotel has been the site of numerous weird and scary happenings Anthony, a former manager of the Beacon Hotel, tells Amy and guys  this following story: "In the summer of 1994 when I was managing the Beacon I often used to stay overnight for security.  I usually slept in the sitting room.  In that room is a painting of Sarah Hughes in which the eyes seem to follow you around the room.  I suppose you never sleep properly when you are on protection duty, and one night something awoke me. "My alarm clock showed 3 am.  Opening my eyes, I took a quick glance around the room.  In the corner by the door to the passage stood a figure.  After a couple of seconds, I realized they had not broken into the pub or the alarms would be shrieking. "I don't know how long I looked at the figure.  It was a man in his 50s wearing Wellington boots, dark trousers and a grey or white shirt with an old-fashioned Grandad-style collar and a waistcoat.  I have always thought that ghosts were transparent, but he looked quite solid.  Suddenly grasping what I was seeing, my heart raced and I shut my eyes tight.  When I looked again a few seconds later the figure had vanished.  I told my father about the night visitor and described what he was wearing.  He said it sounded like the father of the present owner who always liked to go about in old-fashioned clothes." Pete, another former manager of the Beacon, claims he has seen Sarah herself.  He says: "She was walking across the smoke room and through a wall where there is now a conservatory.  Fifty years ago there was a door at this point. "If you stand in the corridor near the main server and listen carefully, you might hear bumps and bangs from upstairs and the noise of someone standing on a loose floorboard, though those rooms are used only for storage.  Many regular customers claim to have heard the noises." Pete's story is backed up by the fact that one of the book's authors, heard similar noises when researching.  "At first I took no notice of the sounds, though they were quite loud.  It sounded as though someone was moving heavy barrels about upstairs. "Later the same evening, a casual remark to Aidan, the barman, revealed the story and confirmed there had definitely been no living person upstairs at the time." ............... After 2 months of investigating Sedgley was June time. And it was getting close for Beth and kids time to move in and Amy notice that she is so busy with a job and investigating for Sebastian and Sheldon that she hadn't much time to do in a house. She was slightly get stressed out. But Sebastian's cousin was a guy who done decorating and was good with other home and handy stuff that 4 of them can sort Amy house and still have time for their jobs and investigating. 8 weeks at the end of the day is a long time.  And after what they already found in an area it wasn't much to do for them that Amy could move on with her life and job and Sebastian and Sheldon could move on with taking a break (again) from investigating and their new book and DVD. ....... Their last thing they decided to check is ghost stories as well a feature prominently in Gornal's history, including shocking incident for a caretaker's assistant at Ellowes Hall School – which now is a sports college. What they could find from the local community website, Yampy, explains further: "About 12 years ago, Clive Brookes, the school caretaker, left his assistant Phil to lock up the school on the 6pm-10pm shift. Clive is pretty certain that it was a Thursday and there was nothing on at school that evening. Phil had already worked at the school for around six months and so was used to the procedure. "Before going home, (the caretaker's house is on-site), Clive had taken a floor ‘buffer' to Phil and asked him to take it down a flight of stairs to the cupboard where it was kept. As Phil started to wheel the buffer down the stairs, something attracted his attention down the corridor, so he lifted the buffer back to the top of the stairs. "He went to check everything out and walked through some glass double-doors, down to the end of the corridor. The staffroom door was locked. He went back to the floor buffer. "As he started down the stairs again, he ended up dropping the buffer down the stairs as a "bloke in overalls walked straight through the double doors and straight through the staff room door." "Phil rushed to the caretaker's bungalow, and Clive says that, although he was a big fellow, he was extremely scared. It was a long time before he locked up alone again! " Also, they find out that over at Upper Gornal Conservative Club, there have been several reports of a monk in a gown, which has apparently been seen by several people in the bar and cellar. .............. After almost 3 months of work with Sebastian and Sheldon, they got what they needed. It was a very busy time for all of them. Amy apart doing her 2 jobs (pub+work for guys) she manages to make the house ready for Beth and kids moving in.  Of course, she wouldn't have a chance doing that without help she got from her new friends and Sebastian cousin. She really missed her sister and niece and nephew so much. Because kids were off school and in the middle of August starts her new job Amy decided that since now she has only a pub to worry about she'll have more time for a family. But when Beth started work 2 weeks before kids would go to school Amy took 2 weeks of work to help her sister. Also, she enjoyed that after what happens in a pub-like in grayviard never happens to her again and she could move on with her life and make her dream come true. Though Sebastian and Shelson really helped her.  And when Beth would start her job at the Baggridge Social Club. Yes, of course, her job was cleaner/cater and apart bank holidays, etc. she worked only in a day while kids are at school. It means because Beth does mornings and Amy afternoons/evenings that Amy would be the one taking kids to school and Beth takes them fro school. That why Beth was happy both of them were working not far from home and that Beth works not far from kids school. ..........................

Its December, a year after Amy moved into the area. few months since Beth did. Its gonna be her first proper Christmas in a new place. A few days before that Beth was walking to work through Straits Road, the junction of Cotwall End Road. It was 07.30 in the morning. was surprised to see a 17 or 18-year-old man wearing an orange t-shirt and jeans out with so few clothes on one early cold, frosty morning. Her skin was incredibly pale. The figure walked past Beth, looking right at her but did not speak. Beth was amazed that anyone could have such pale skin and turned to take a second look, only to find that he had disappeared. But then she went to work and by the time she forgot all about it up till Christmas day..... She told all about to Amy who looked scared. After that, she said what happens to her while they still been living in Norwich. Amy couldn't understand why it happens to them now. While they all lived in Norwich yes.. They weren't happy. And people weren't as friendly but they never had problems with ghosts. But Amy gets to a point that may be becoming a paranormal investigator with Beth is her future..........

Charlie’s interview for Schön! Magazine

This has been a challenging year for most people. What is a challenge you have faced recently and how did you overcome it? Or, how are you working towards overcoming it?

“I’ve been too addicted to the news. I don’t know if that’s what you were going for, but really, it’s been a challenge. On the one hand, I think it’s especially important right now to stay informed, to understand sources, look at a subject from multiple angles, and then study how it’s being parsed to different intended audiences. But the constant refreshing, the phone time became… Immobilising. This year has been a teacher. I’ve had to learn (relearn?) how to anchor to things in the present, things actually in front of me. Enjoying each bite of a meal by myself. Spending an afternoon on a blanket underneath a tree. Cultivating an appreciation for things at that human scale. I’ve found it’s easy to get overwhelmed otherwise.”

On the bright side, has there been anything that has particularly inspired you this year that you want to share?

“Nature. It’s medicine, every time.”

To all of us that watched you since your Teen Wolf days to now, we know the diverse roles you’ve played over the years. If you had to choose, who has been your favourite character until now, and why?

“Oh gosh! I’ve been so lucky. What’s been so fun is that all of these incredible characters I’ve gotten to play have ended up inhabiting completely different worlds – different genres. Action, drama, fantasy, sci-fi, horror, comedy. That doesn’t necessarily change the underlying humanity of each character in the story, but each genre has presented new challenges and experiences. I don’t know if I have a favourite character, but I’ve loved working on period pieces. Diving into the social history of a particular time period is my kind of fun.”

Let’s talk Ratched. This Netflix psychological thriller series looks haunting in the best way! Being part of it, how would you describe it in your own words?

“I remember walking onto the sound stages on my first day and being blown away. The creative team did such a phenomenal job making the world of Ratched come to life – the sets, the costumes, the props, the makeup. When you’re given such a detailed reality to play in, so much flows from that. It was a blast. Hard work but a blast. And the loveliest group of people all pretending to do some pretty horrible things to one another. For all of the horror and heartbreak you see on the show – well, just know that we had so much fun going there. Also, Sarah Paulson is a goddess.”

Your character in the show Ratched is Huck. What do we need to know about Huck before watching the series?

“I think it’s important to know where Huck has just come from. He’s a war veteran. A veteran of World War Two, specifically. Young men entered that war with a somewhat different attitude and set of expectations. War was advertised primarily as an adventure. An initiation rite. But any notion of the explicit violence of war was mostly precluded by a heavily advertised heroic narrative. I think Huck somewhat innocently signed up to be hero, largely unaware of the horrors of the battlefield. And he returns with that trauma on his face, something he cannot hide. Wounded veterans of the First and Second World Wars were not at all met with the same welcome as the boys that came back “whole”. They were often slowly pushed out into lives of solitude due to overwhelming feelings of shame in a country that did not want to be reminded of the nature of their sacrifice. And veterans rights and services did not then exist as they do now, limited as they unfortunately still are.”

How did you land the role?

“I had just worked with Ryan on The Boys In The Band on Broadway. One of my castmates, Andrew Rannells, needed to be in Los Angeles to film a television show and we found ourselves doing a house swap – he at mine Los Angeles and me with the keys to his place in New York for a few months (We still call it The Holiday). Ryan was in New York and invited me for dinner one night, and at one point the conversation turned to the show he was developing – Ratched. I was completely taken with the world he was describing and before I knew it, he offered me a part. I was speechless. Of course, I said yes.”

Do you think that playing Huck was similar to any other roles you’ve played in the past? If not, what sets him apart?

“Hmmm. I think I’ve always been drawn to finding the sweetness, the goodness of my characters. But no, this was very new for me and a challenge. I really wanted to live up to the backstory of this character and knew early on that makeup and prosthetics would play a big part in telling his story.”

The show is loosely based on the popular novel, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Interestingly enough, that book is one of the most controversial and banned given some of its themes. Have you read it? What are your general thoughts on this comparison, and would you say the show is likely to be controversial?

“I have! I read it in high school. I loved the book and was very into Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters as well. It’s a beautiful book. And a beautiful film. I don’t know if a comparison can be made other than that they both probe at and challenge the institutions central to them. I really love that Ratched puts women at the centre.”

How has it been working with Ryan Murphy again?

“Ryan is one of the few people in the world who makes me laugh to the point of tears. Truly. Tears. I love that man! I have so much fun watching his work. I had been a big fan for a long time. His leadership in pushes for more inclusive storytelling were a large part of the affirmation I needed from the world that I could come out. That the business was changing and would continue to change. He takes such good care of his actors and has given me chances I’m not sure I would have been given otherwise.”

Are there any particular messages you hope people find and take from watching the show, Ratched?

“First of all, I hope people enjoy it. It’s been a really challenging year. Ratched is deliciously fun and twisted. I hope it’s a welcome escape. That is so important. But I do think the show invites questions about authority and morality. So many of the horrific moments in the show come from very real psychiatric practices of the last century. Just because something is legal or ordained, does that make it right? On whose authority? And I think we as a society are only beginning to understand and appreciate how destiny is inscribed by trauma. Can I recommend a book? The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk came into my hands while filming this show. It changed my life.”

What’s the biggest lesson you learned from working on the show?

“Trust. To trust myself, yes, but really to trust the team. Making a show is a group effort. Forgetting that is the fastest way to find yourself in an unnecessary pressure cooker of your own making. Nothing can ever go “perfectly” until you trust that nobody fully expects it to. In that, there is so much more room for fun.”

Aside from Ratched, you’ve also landed a role in Batman! This highly anticipated movie is on everyone’s radar, especially with the recently released teaser trailer. How did it feel landing that? Are you a fan of the comics?

“I don’t think it’s even fully registered. I went through a big comic book period as a kid. I would buy volumes and read through each in one sitting. It’s a bit of a childhood dream come true, really, getting to act in one.”

Can you give us any details to hold us over until summer 2021?

“I can’t! But how about that trailer?”

Fair enough! You seem to have taken quite a few off your bucket list already, but what type of role would you like to pursue next?

“I’ve always had a thing for the spy genre. Something like that would be really fun. But honestly, if I’m moved by the writing and can get the job, I’ll take it. That’s the fun of this job. Jumping in.”

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