#Suicidal ideation
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Everything okay?
If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.
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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255)
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I've said I wished TGCF dealt with Hua Cheng's self-loathing more and dealt with his conflicts about how worthy he is of his god, and I still wish that. But just to be clear--no matter how unworthy Hua Cheng finds himself, the whole point is, it doesn't really matter to him. He can believe he is unfit to worship such a glorious and good god, he can believe he is the most unfit person on the planet, he can believe that he shouldn't get to worship such a god, he can believe that he doesn't deserve to live for him--and Hua Cheng would still just not give a fuck about it.
His whole thing is that it doesn't matter what he is or who he is as long as there is his god, in the world, as happy and healthy and safe as possible.
And what I love about that is that Hua Cheng can reach the very bottom of the barrel; he can hate himself to infinity and beyond; he can be the very lowest of the low and he is never, ever, ever, ever going to wish he did not exist. He's not ever going to say a thing like "I'm not good enough to go on." He's not ever going to hurt himself in a way that hinders himself, he's not ever going punish himself in ways that hobble himself, he'll never want to die. He's never going to get in his own way, because his way is more important than himself. His reason for living is more important than whether he wants to live.
What I'm saying is that Hua Cheng can hate himself but he doesn't ever doubt himself, and that's really interesting when you think about it.
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Replacing "I dont want to live" with "i dont want to live like this" was v helpful for me because it helped me figure out what parts of my life i was trying to escape and reminded me there are absolutely versions of myself i want to work towards and ways of living i havent experienced yet that i want to see
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You know the cluster migraine is bad when your significant other ends up holding you while you clutch your head and sob about wanting to kill yourself to escape the pain.
Twelve hours. Twelve hours I was in so much pain I wanted to die.
And yet I still don’t qualify for pain management treatment and keep getting prescribed preventatives that don’t work for me because “we prefer not to prescribe painkillers where we can.”
Fuck you.
This is how people end up self-medicating and overdosing.
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I'm proud of you for making it this far.
#suicide#suicidal thoughts#suicidal ideation#mental health#mental illness#depression#bpd#anxiety#bipolar#alone#crying#isolated#sadness#sad#broken#worthless#hurt#upset#actuallytraumatized#actuallymentallyill#actuallybpd#white text on black background#black & white
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I know I periodically ask people to look at Alice, but I would like to explain why.
That, above, is Alice when she was just ten days old. It was December 2008, and I had gone to Seattle to prepare to die. I was tired, I was dealing with a massive disruption in my social circle, and I was done. So I went to see friends, and to say my goodbyes before I went home and politely made my exit. I had a fully articulated plan, and no desire to tell people about it, which is not a good place to be.
Then we went to visit Betsy, who had recently ushered a litter of kittens into the world. And she put this little blue tabby potato in my hand and said "That's the girl."
And just like that, I decided to live. "Do you take checks?" I replied, and Alice entered my life.
(That makes it sound much easier than it was. Betsy was intending to keep Alice, who was without flaw by Maine Coon breed standards. Seriously, she was the kind of cat breeders work to produce for their entire careers. I spent two months wearing Betsy down before she agreed to let me have her.)
Alice was my first Maine Coon. Alice was my heart and soul somehow walking around outside of my body. She was without flaw. She was everything I wanted in this world, and she loved me as much as I loved her, and I would happily trade a year of my life for another hour with her in my arms.
In 2017, I went to Australia as a convention guest, and when I came home, Alice wasn't right. She was always food-motivated, and she was refusing to eat. I made a vet appointment immediately, and we started the necessary tests to find out what was wrong. Roughly a month later, while I was at another convention, my vet called me.
"I am so so sorry," she said, and the world ended.
Alice had large-cell feline lymphoma. It wasn't a surgically treatable cancer; we were going to have to go through chemo, and hope. So we did. And we did everything it was possible to do. Thanks to my Patreon, there was never a point where I had to decline treatment due to money, and I know what an incredible gift that was. Bit by bit, she faded, but she was still my Alice, and we were still fighting.
Then, on February 13th, 2018, I woke up and she was stretched out along my side from hip to knee, making the worst sound I have ever heard every time she took a breath. I didn't want to let her go. I could no longer make her stay. We left for the vet immediately, and my oncologist agreed that she was done; she was ready to go, and the last gift she gave me was staying by my side, not running and hiding like most cats would.
I held her. I sang "Beautiful Beast" for her. And she went ahead of me to the clearing at the end of the path, to the place she stopped me from going.
I miss her more than I knew I could miss anything in this world. She was my best friend and my favorite thing, and my mother told people I'd lost a child to explain why I would just wander around, dead-eyed and sobbing. Alice saved me when I didn't think it was possible, and I'm grateful; I have no such plans at this point.
But fuck my poor, broken heart, I just want her to come home. And in the absence of that as an option, I want everyone to look at Alice.
Please look at my poor girl.
#pet death#cat death#suicidal ideation#gnu alice#baby please come home#i don't care if you come back wrong#just come back#feline lymphoma
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#therapist#therapy#mental health#mental illness#bipolar#depression#anxiety#adhd#ocd#suicidal ideation#pingu
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I think dying would fix me immediately
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CW suicidal ideation
he's trying 👍🏾
[start] [next] <- this is the start of an era... i have a bunch of comic wips about donnie being mentally ill <3
original under the cut
its by @mewechy but their blog got explded i think
#👽 my art#donnie is suicidal and BANNED from suicide jokes by splinter👍🏾#tmntov#tmnt omniverse#tmnt fan iteration#tmntov art#tmnt donnie#tmnt leo#tmnt iteration#tmnt au#dib comics#comics#tmnt comic#comic#redraw#suicidal ideation#cw sui mention#cw suicidal ideation#suicide mention#suicide tw#tmnt fanart#tmnt fandom#tmnt art#tmnt#tmnt 2012#rottmnt#tw suicidal ideation#digital drawing#digital art#my artwork
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the internal dialog corvids in: 'tis the season(al depression)
#i feel like this one is gonna get me some concerned messages so i just wanna say dont worry! im fine! the yearly Darkness just fucks with me#diary comic#corvid#artists on tumblr#comics on tumblr#seasonal depressive disorder#seasonal depression#davedrawsstuff#suicidal ideation#death m
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I'm gonna say it
as someone who has had suicidal thoughts as recently as yesterday, the primary factors keeping me personally from killing myself are:
It would make other people sad
I can accomplish more by living
From my conversations with other depressed people, these seem to be similar threads. It's well-known that the majority of tumblr users suffer from one mental illness or another, with depression being arguably the most common among them. Whether this airman was mentally ill or not, and whether that mental illness played a factor in his suicide or not, the example being set by tumblr users is incredibly dangerous. The reactions I've seen to his death have made two things very clear:
People are proud of him for his actions
People think his suicide has helped in an important way
If you're paying attention, you will have noticed that those two reactions exactly contradict the reasons why many depressed people abstain from suicide. This is going to put people's lives at risk. People with depression do not need another reason to think they should kill themselves. Gazans have already spoken out about their disapproval with these methods. This needs to stop before more people die
If you or a loved one are considering suicide, call 988 to be connected to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
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From the bottom of my worthless heart, I genuinely don’t know if I can survive another year.
#i really don’t#i’m terrified#tired#exhausted#deppressed#numb#mentally tired#lonliness#pathetic#worthless#sad thoughts#passively suicidal#suicidal ideation#suicidal#hurt#empty#tired of living
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I don't want to talk about this much, but it may affect page uploads.
Saturday night, I was assaulted and strangled by my brother. This is not the first time he's done this, but it was severely excalated this time. I deserved it. Honestly, I wish he'd succeeded so nobody would have to deal with my shit anymore. I'm still very much in crisis mode, and I'm so sorry if I disappear. I'm praying I can continue working despite the situation, but this may warrant a short break.
I'm so sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, and I'm even more sorry I'm bringing this up at all. I need to stop talking from now on, honestly. I just wanted to communicate why I may poof. I don't know. I'm scared, and I can't do this. But I have to keep going.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
#abuse mention#im not so afraid to use that word now#but i still feel so much guilt#it must have been my fault#im a screw up#all i ever do is ruin things and bring people down#anyway sorry ncksncjd#not cat#important#notice#i cant do this#i cant#ask to tag#suicidal ideation#im so very tired
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I’ve spent the past year working on this comic on and off! It’s such a relief for it to finally be finished. It was a massive labor of love for my two favorite bugs. Here’s hoping silksong comes out before I spend another year making the sequel! (Don’t get your hopes up)
#hollow knight#hk#suicidal ideation#discussions of suicidal ideation that do not necessarily match the author’s viewpoints#but are hopefully accurate to the characters#hornet#hornet hollow knight#quirrel#quirrel hollow knight#hollow knight comic#comic#my art
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Hi new friends. Please don’t censor words, especially triggering ones. Seeing trigger words written l!ke th!s doesn’t stop them from being triggering.
It just stops Tumblr’s built in filter (see under settings) from working which many of us have in place to protect ourselves.
This has happened to me multiple times this week, and as someone currently struggling with suicidal ideation, has not been great.
You are not on TikTok or Insta, please use the full words so people can protect themselves. Thank you 💖
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One of the saddest, hardest moments of your life will be when you are crying and screaming to the world pleading for a sign.
A sign that you should stay alive for one more day, maybe a couple of days.
But that sign doesn’ t come. You stare at your phone thinking maybe someone will answer or someone will text you asking if you’re okay. You search endlessly for some reason to stay alive but you can’t find any.
That is probably the most heartbreaking moment when you can’t find any reason to stay alive when you need it most because you suddenly feel all this pain and you feel more alone than you’ve ever felt in your entire life.
That moment will break you and I don’t wish it on even my worst enemies.
#mental health#mental illness#trauma#bpd#ptsd#traumatized#cpstd#alone#lonely#sad#broken#hurt#scared#bipolar#suicidal ideation#reasons to stay#survival
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