#See AI candles and all the fuck that
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See this is such a perfect example of shit that you can’t really blame SSE specifically for, because no company ever no matter how good their QA team is or how good their tech is, could’ve ever playtested for this
No company will Ever be able to predict that specific select generations of a specific brand’s hardware is going to specifically affect the game in this way, that’s just impossible
This is also why it’s taking a bit to solve it because, as I said, you Cannot physically playtest for this, and if you could nobody would ever think to do so
#Blame them for shit they intentionally do that they have choices over#See AI candles and all the fuck that#This however#Nobody ever no matter who they are#Could've ever playtested for
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A heiress in love Pt.5
Pairing: Wanda Maximoff / Female Reader
Tags: angst, fluff,
Translations: skyprisa = Sky Princess // Hainofi = princess // Strik sis [Strisis] = little sister // Ai hod yu in = I love you // Sestra = sister // Printsessa = princess
Chapter synopsis: The night offers some time alone for Y/N and Wanda to talk about things
A/N: So for this chapter I researched different types of rituals and got inspiration from them to make some of my own to fit the story, I really hope I’m not offending anyone with them, since that was never my intention. Also since there aren’t a lot of trigedeslang transistors, everything in italics and underlined would be trigedeslang. Work is not beta’d so all mistakes are mine.
Tag List: @spongebobtentacles @wandamaximoff727 @cristin-rjd @aawake-atnight @msromanoffswife @juno-verse @wandastan-2 @wannabe-fic-reader
Monday Night. 11:14 p.m.
Wanda got closer to the table observing the items you have placed around there. Slowly approaching her, you stand next to her. Taking the cap from the ink bottle you place it on the center, then you start aligning the tea-tile candles around it, in a semicircle form.
“Is this related to your vow?” She asks curiously, trying hard not to touch anything.
You’re kind of surprised she remembered it, it wasn’t something you have shared openly with her, except the dialogue Madi and you exchanged during the duel… okey so, your mom said you should involve her in your customs right? So you’ll do just that.
“Yeah, sort of, it is. Can you pass me the bowl please?” Wanda’s eyes widen slightly, and that little tilt of her head makes itself present. At least we’re past the frown now.
She tentatively takes it from the place and gives it to you, her fingers brushing yours when you take it. You feel again that electricity, that shiver that has nothing to do with the weather. You notice as well, (now that you know she doesn’t hate you per se), her shy and reserved demeanor. You’ve always been good at multitasking so while you pour the ink on the bowl you take the time to observe her in detail. Wanda has always been beautiful in your eyes, but seeing her this close without her first mask, is just different.
You notice the green of her eyes, the way they follow your movements, the small frown spotted now but so different from the one she used to have around you, the tilting of her head and how her reddish brown hair frames her face, how she moves it from her face and places it behind her ear, being this close, you see as well the small silver earring adorning her earlobe. You’re kinda jealous of a small piece of jewelry.
“My mom told me my ascension ceremony would take place in two nights from tonight. Which basically is a crowning ceremony, but different”
Wanda takes the discarded bottle from the table, playing with the cap. Reaching for the box of matches, she pushes it toward you. You smile gently.
“My people, we have different traditions from yours, as far as I could learn, thanks to my studies. Mine are more on the nature and the connection with her rather than just protocols… which precisely makes them more like a binding rather than just a ceremony”
You explain to her as you light the first candle, which was really easy, but the air decided to come out and play which makes it a little difficult to light the rest. Groaning because now you have wasted 4 matches, which you know Octavia will take notice and will taunt you for it, grabbing another little wood piece, and before you can close the box, red wisps light the rest of the candles.
Looking up you see Wanda trying to hide a smirk while looking straight up at you and playing with the red sparks between her fingers.
“Seemed like you need it some help”
And that fucking smirk has you pleading to the Goddess, you might as well just die on the spot, because if that isn’t the sexiest thing you have seen… you can’t and won’t think about what else could top it.
Clearing your throat you manage a weak thanks before grabbing the needles, forming them in a small triangle next to the bowl, next is the incense holder behind the bowl, lighting the incense you pass it seven times around the bowl and needles, before finally placing it on the holder.
Grabbing the blade from your mother, you cut the sash around your hand, hearing a small gasp leave Wanda’s mouth. You look at her, she looks at you, eyes a little bit guarded again.
“Before you do what I think you’re about to do…” her voice trails off so you nod encouraging her to ask whatever she wants to.
Taking a breath she firmly asks.
“Would I need to bleed in order to marry you? Because that just seems barbaric”
And when you put it like that, well yeah, it seems a little bit extreme.
“No, for our wedding ceremony no, you won’t. I know this might seem barbaric to you, but it has an explanation, just… I need to do this”
“Of course”
She doesn’t say anything else, just keeps observing the ritual. Inhaling and exhaling you grab your mother’s blade and in a quick movement you open once again your hand, a smaller cut this time and guide it towards the bowl, dripping some black blood drops inside it, taking a new piece of fabric from your pocket, you start wrapping around your hand. You barely flinch when you feel a warm sensation around it and see the red wisps, knowing well Wanda’s magic is curing your wound.
You’re still confused as to why she’s helping you, despite the fact that she said she didn’t hate you, you’re still a stranger to her. You’re more aquatinted to Pietro and even Natasha seemed more friendlier toward you and that’s saying a lot.
Mixing the ink and blood you grab the incense and do the same seven circles this time in the opposite direction. Closing your eyes you whisper the prayer you’ve been practicing in your head for the last few hours.
“Dearest and loved Moon Goddess, I Y/N Woods-Griffin, former priestess of yours. I am, once again surrendering to you, standing humble in your presence, I present to you this small offering of my blood to ask for your blessing and guidance. Please, consider my petition and bless my soul and one of my future bride here as I embark on my road of preparations for my Ascension. That in love I might find my new road. Until I meet my ancestors again”
After saying your small prayer, you take a few seconds before opening your eyes and looking up to the skies. The moon shines above you, her presence calming you immediately. Wanda follows your eyes turning her head to see what are you looking at.
Without turning your eyes from the sky you try to explain one of the things you know would matter more to Wanda.
“Natblidas were created ages ago, way before anyone found a way to eradicate all the radiation from the affected lands. In order to resist the effect of it, this special serum was created by Becca, our first commander”
Wanda keeps looking at the moon so you’re not sure if she’s really paying attention to your explanation, but a quiet question tells you that she is.
“It did work, the downside of it, was not a lot of people resisted it and for those who did, it turned their blood black, hence getting the name of natblidas. I’m not too sure of some details, but finally, a group of natblidas clans came up with a less aggressive cure. That group keep using the serum on their own bloodline until it became a genetic trait”
At this, Wanda’s eyes return to you and her stare is so intense you look down. Trying to find the right words to explain the next part of your tale.
“My mother” your voice breaks a little and if Wanda noticed, she didn’t say anything. “Umm she did a lot of sacrifices for her people, and went through a lot to become Commander, I know she’s been the best one in our history. One of the things she did was to change as much as possible the ways we choose the next one. Still a lot of old traditions remain”
Wanda takes a look at you, you don’t meet her eyes thou, knowing well they portray a lot of what you’re feeling at the moment, another thing you haven’t mastered like your mother.
“When you ascend as commander, they inject you the serum to strengthen the blood… and they put a small chip on your neck, containing all the necessary knowledge to be a commander and a fair leader to your people… One of the downsides of it… is the voices on your head from the past commanders”
“Voices?” Her eyes are curious, tilting her head to look at you better from her angle.
“I might ask Raven to explain it in detail to you later but yes, kind of like having a consul inside your head. A super advanced genetic nano thingy they put in your neck”
“Does this have to do anything with why I can’t read…?” She leaves the rest of the words out.
“Yes. Natblidas are trained not just physically but mentally as well. It can be overwhelming. I’m guessing kind of like your abilities, so we’re taught how to keep our thoughts and mind in place, how to strengthen it so we’re not easily persuaded, so we don’t get run over by our own thoughts trying to be heard over the others, so no one invades our minds and thoughts”
“Have you heard them then? The voices?”
“No, not yet… I haven’t ascended as commander yet but in two days I will. All of this should prepare me for it or at least I hope it does.”
She doesn’t say anything and you're wondering, not for the first time if this was too much for her, making her think you’re just a nut case.
“Could you teach me?” She whispers this, her voice barely reaching your eyes
You cast her a glance, noticing not for the first time how she’s looking down, her hair making it impossible for you to search her eyes. You play with the bowl in your hands before leaving it on the table, the needles and ink need to serenade by the moonlight, so the protection spells are stronger. By the position of the stars you guess is already past midnight, your mother would arrive in five hours.
“I mean-”
“Yes,” a timid whisper leaves your lips interrupting whatever thing she was trying to say while you grab her hand, making her lift her eyes. Wanda then makes eye contact with you…
… and everything stops.
Suddenly there’s no noise, any trace of pine scent is gone, and not even the cool breeze of the night is there. Your mind is also very quiet.
Wanda’s eyes are her natural green, but you feel some kind of magic there, surrounding both of you. She looks at you with what you have come to call her intrigued frown and you hear a really quiet and far away whisper asking: “What’s happening?”
“I don’t know,” you say out loud, making Wanda drop your hand and the world come to life. You hear and feel mother nature again, quietly whispering things around.
“You heard that?”
“I… yes? You didn’t speak… did you?”
“No. I just thought it”
You just hum because really? what else can you say when you honestly didn’t know how you could hear her. Maybe there’s really some kind of magic between you two, maybe it was Wanda’s wish to be able to be in your mind that you unconsciously let her in but…
Before you could continue debating in your mind, a noise at the entrance brings your attention to your surroundings. Taking two steps ahead you put Wanda behind you, protecting her, your left hand going to your sword. She notices the action and looks at you with curiosity, her fingers moving producing small red sparks.
You distinguish footsteps, hardening your touch on the sword you’re ready to bring it out, but a distinctive scent reaches your nostrils first. You look at the sky, it can’t be that late (or early) already but she’s here nonetheless. Relaxing your posture as much as you can, you greet her before she appears.
“Mother”
Wanda’s mask is back in place, you know it just by feeling her posture and energy change, casting a quick glance you see some of the red sparks floating around and slowly disappearing.
Lexa’s illuminated by the moon and, not for the first time, you get lost in her ethereal looks. She belongs there, her posture, her demeanor, and her steps all scream LEADER. And you, you just want and strive to be a little more like her.
Her eyes are well guarded and stern, her sight on you makes you feel like a small child, waiting in your room until your punishment is lifted. You try to maintain her stare but fail and look to the floor.
“Y/N” she comes closer and as soon as she sees Wanda, does a little vow with her head, just acknowledging her presence.
“Your mom told me you would have company” Her tone doesn’t show any emotion that could give you an idea of how she feels. After all, you haven’t seen her since that incident in the afternoon.
“But I was hoping we could have a small talk before leaving”
“You’re leaving?” is Wanda’s voice behind you which makes you lift your gaze and turn to her.
“We are in fact, well, you too I guess, my mom Clarke she… well, I just didn’t have the chance to reach that point of the ritual yet”
And you think a “please believe me” as loud as you can in your mind hoping she hears you. She doesn’t say anything but gives you a little more privacy, walking back to the table and observing the elements, trying hard not to eavesdrop.
You stand there, waiting for something, not moving. When was the last time that you jumped happily right into action when your mother asked to speak with you? Probably months before the whole marrying issue, you definitely noticed it was less common after Madi left.
“Daughter, come” and she sees the hesitance you have, the really small steps you take, and the sadness irradiating from you. You walk towards her not really knowing what to expect, stopping two steps away from her.
Lexa observes you, despite her face not changing, you can feel her peaceful energy yet you don’t attempt to move, she extends her arms and you unconsciously recoil… and that hurts her.
Suddenly she brings you closer to her, embracing you exactly like when you were young. Her hand caresses your head while you feel the other one in your back, a stronghold and damn if you didn’t miss her touch. You lift your arms and hug her back, inhaling her earthy scent, bringing you back to those summer days before any responsibility or threat of war.
“I’m not sorry for the way I’ve raised you, but I’m sorry for making you feel less loved, or not enough”
You feel the first tear cross your face and then another, and another, attempting to murmur an “It doesn’t matter” but your mother dismisses it right away.
“It matters to me daughter.” if you didn’t know any better, you could swear she was crying but your mother hasn’t done that in years.
Taking a few minutes that you feel are mere seconds, she puts her hands in your shoulders, caressing your cheek, contrary to what you did with your mom, you don’t lean into her touch, still sad from everything, but you do close your eyes savoring the moment.
“Y/N” Lexa takes her hands from you and you miss her maternal warmth. She takes a little poach from her coat, taking a moment to look at it, she then proceeds to empty its contents into her hand… and it’s until something shines you see it’s her old headpiece, the one she used all those years ago before marrying your mom. Alongside that, is another small one.
You make a small gasp when Lexa grabs your hands and deposits both pieces.
“I never thought I would see this piece out of the pouch again. The times of peace are being threatened by old enemies daughter and I trust and know, that you will lead with honor, fierce, and pride. Aden was right when he told me all those years ago, how brave you would turn out to be”
At the mention of your older brother, you can’t help but to reminisce his memory (he always said you were his favorite despite the circumstances). You were still a toddler when he was cowardly murdered in the middle of the night. Deep inside, you know your mother has never recovered from that incident.
“Mother” You look at her again, in a new light.
“I…” your mother stops talking and you wonder, hoping, waiting, but she doesn’t say a word. She just squeezes your hand and takes a turn to leave. “I’ll see you in some hours”
You see her walking away, turning to Wanda to just indicate she’s leaving. And you stand there, watching the path your mother left in the grass, holding the poach, feeling the tears run down your face.
Quietly Wanda approaches you, you feel her presence near you.
“Your mother’s soul… carries much sadness, guilt, and anguish”
You don’t look at her, just hum in acknowledgment, Wanda has seen a lot of your emotions displayed in questions of hours and you don’t know how good could that be for someone who’s supposed to lead 15 clans plus Wanda’s people. Maybe your mother was right, love is her weakness, but now you know is also her fuel.
Enjoying the calmness and coldness of the night, you try to steady your heart, concentrating on breathing, closing your eyes to feel the breeze around your skin, but is not cold as you expected it. Opening one eye you see the familiar red sparks floating around you.
“She’s worried about the situation and what she asked of you. She cares a lot if you’re wondering”
“Wanda” the rest of your words dying on your lips when you see her. She has her eyes closed as well, and she looks so ethereal and magnificent and for the first time since your marriage was announced to you, you feel at peace.
“I might not be able to read your mind, but your soul speaks as clearly as your mother does”
She opens her eyes, and the red you have become to associate with her green, so unique and magical, keeps giving you calm. Tentatively and quietly she gets closer to you and places her hand above your hand and as soon as she touches it, the world once again goes silently. You’re pretty sure this is not the first time you are touching hands and looking into her eyes at the same time, after all, she was the one to catch you before you passed out in the afternoon but then, why this night this is happening?
“I wondered the same thing and no, I still can’t read your mind, I kinda had to distract myself to not ears drop and noticed… you’re not wearing gloves this time”
You cast your sight to your hands noticing she’s right, she’s been holding your left hand all this time.
“How do you know? About my mother” you timidly ask, your voice barely above a whisper. Despite her telling you about hearing her soul, you kind of want to know more.
“I recognized her aura”
“But how?”
You don’t want to push it, and you certainly don’t want her to close herself again, but you had a little taste before and you so desperately want to know more. She takes a deep breath and takes her hand from you, making the world come alive and missing her warmth already.
“Natasha showed me” and you don’t like the pang of jealousy you feel in your stomach about the way she said her name, so intimate, so you school your expressions and eyes.
“Because I carry them as well. Damaged and marked people by death, our souls sing a different and unique tune”
She turns her back towards you and not for the first time, you want to run and hug her and take all those feelings away from her, but you don’t move, you can’t move.
“You’re not damaged”
The moon illuminates her profile when her face turns slowly, but she’s not looking at you, her sight is focused on the pebbles around your feet.
“You don’t know me”
“You’re right, but you said something about my mother, about Natasha and you, about marked people. And you might be right, your souls may sing differently than most, but I don’t think it makes them damaged, I don’t think you are Wanda”
She turns her face again, the night sounds giving you some kind of quiet serenade.
“I’ve done terrible things. You know why they call me the Scarlet Witch?”
“No” and finally you take a few steps toward her, still respecting her personal space.
“You should fear me”
“But I don’t”
“But you don’t” She finally turns towards you. The red around her eyes slowly turns into her usual green.
She observes you with that frown you have to come to associate with you when she doesn’t understand you. Taking another leap of faith, you close the distance and grab her hand, carefully using your bare one.
“You said you did terrible things, and so did I. You saw me doing a blessing ritual with ink and needles, they have a purpose. Tomorrow morning I would be getting my tattoos with them, one of them would mean the number of people I’ve killed… so based on your logic, I should be damaged as well and you should be afraid of me”
Wanda looks at you, frowning.
The silence gets thick…
Until she’s out loud laughing and is the most beautiful sound you have heard you smile and laugh as well, not knowing why but is definitely better than just silence.
“Please tell me that’s not your big heroine defeating the villain speech because honestly…that’s ridiculous” She keeps laughing and you can’t help but to feel more enamored with this girl.
“No, it's not” and you keep laughing as well because it all seems ridiculous now. Trying to breathe you regain control of your body, sighing you take Wanda’s hand again and honestly this touching thing keeps getting easier, but you use the covered one this time. She stops laughing but keeps smiling at you, motivating you to continue talking.
“I maintain my point. I don’t think you’re damaged Wanda”
She looks at you and her smile gets a little sadder but it doesn’t disappear, she squeezes your hand and lets it go before she walks towards the table, observing once again all the things placed there.
“I have always felt curios about the design behind the tattoos, their meaning, and all. You said you’ll get one representing the persons you have killed. Why?”
“This is more on the spiritual and personal meaning. Both my mothers have them, they represent something else for them that is not my place to tell. There’s a saying among the Amazonias, about how you should not kill if you can avoid it, to me…. This tattoo would mean just that, that it was my last choice killing someone, a reminder that it was my life or theirs, ‘because certainly, they would have killed me without a question”.
She doesn't say a word but keeps observing the needles gathered in the table. You are learning to give her some kind of space and time with every piece of information you share about your culture and you keep playing the observer game, paying attention and memorizing every facial expression and gesture she does.
“Would your mother be the one to do them?”
“Yes”
She turns towards you, her eyes searching your face for something you can’t quite place and then she asks you.
“Could… could I get one too?”
And is the way she asks, timid but also you detect something else, remorse maybe? You’re certainly right there and then that you couldn’t ever deny anything to her.
“I… yeah, yeah of course, umm we will need to do a different ceremony thou”
“Maybe after our marriage one”
Our marriage, two words are spoken and they sent you into a frenetic ecstasy. Damn you if you say you weren’t excited now with this proposal.
“Yeah, after would be good if you wish”
You smile at her and are glad to see she’s smiling again, only to be interrupted by a yawn. You get immediately under the table, looking for something you know well your mom should have put there. Under some plants, there's a box with a blanket and some smaller ones to use as a pillow. You take them out and proceed to make a bed or as much of a bed as you can.
“Here, lay down, you should rest”
You see her hesitating so you quickly add.
“It’s just for you. I can’t sleep tonight, part of the ritual” hoping this makes it easier for her “l know is not ideal but I can’t escort you back to your room, I also need to stay here and-“
She lays down, stopping you from babbling and embarrassing yourself furthermore.
“This is fine” She turns her back towards you and hears her sighing, you don’t know what to do, so you stay there, observing her, watching her peaceful silhouette. A few minutes pass and you haven't moved an inch, you think she’s already asleep.
“Can you sit closer and keep me company?”
“Of course, m’lady”
Hearing her chuckle you go and sit closer to her, her back still towards you. Your face now looking at the moon. A few more minutes pass and you hear her breathing has evened, confirming that she finally fall asleep, whispering good night Wanda, you sit more comfortably, laying your back on the rock that makes one of the foot’s table, closing your eyes and praying to the goddess, not for the first time that war does not broke.
Unknown to you, a little intermittent red light from a tiny drone above you, flies off into the night.
#ao3 author#cross posted on ao3#wanda maximoff x female reader#wanda maximoff x reader#wanda maximoff x y/n#wanda maximoff x you#a heiress in love
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This is so crazy to me because that is like the one place where you just objectively can't put ai. It wouldn't work. There's no way to make it work. Like fuck them for trying to put it anywhere in the pipeline at all but storyboards are the last place you would ever want it. I'm a firm believer that no matter where you put AI tech in art it's at best going to give you something mediocre and difficult to work with. It's just too much of a black box with too few direct controls. But there are some applications where I can at least see the argument. Background painting for animation is an amazing and complex art form but I can understand how you could use AI to get something mediocre but serviceable by generating a full render based on a sketch. Inbetweening is tedious and while I'm sure AI wouldn't hold a candle to a human for subtle acting I can see where someday you might be able to create a better version of auto-tweening that could handle more complex timing. Hell, clean up and coloring are both slow fiddly tedious processes that would make sense to cut corners on. Again I think cutting any of those jobs is a lazy and poorly thought out idea that you'd only pull if you're creatively bankrupt and only in it for the money but I can see how it would actually save money while still actually making something that resembles a show you could watch. But storyboarding is the one thing that this kind of statistical model will never be able to do. Statistical learning models cannot comprehend things, they don't know what a story is. They can't even tell a knock knock joke let alone a compelling story because they have no way of remembering the events that have happened in the story already or understanding that the pixels and words that they are assembling even relate to the concept of an event. They mash phrases and colors into something that vaguely resembles other stuff that they've been told contains keywords. That's it.
But you expect me to believe you're going to get one to understand enough film language to tell a compelling story over a thousand separate images while consistently keeping the characters believably in the same space and recognizable? And it's gonna do that faster than a person doing thirty second sketches? Nah. I don't buy it.
The amount of bullshit you have to do to convince the black box to put the correct character on the left side of the screen facing the right direction in one image would already be more work than doing rough thumbnails of the whole scene. There is so much specific problem solving that has to go into making a storyboard. We have a hundred years of highly specific cultural baggage that defines how we interpret films. No generative statistical training model will ever be able to do that because they are just not remotely capable of understanding what they're making. They aren't and can't be conscious entities with the ability to interpret meaning, no matter how many objects they can recognize or words they can predict would be likely to follow other words. At best you'll wind up with a jumble of blobs that vaguely resemble the compositions of other films thrown together in an order that makes no sense and some poor worker who you've demoted to a revisionist position will have to sort through them and try to turn them into something that makes any sense and it's going to be slower and worse than if you'd just paid someone to do it right the first time.
If this is true and there are executives who think this is going to happen, they're gonna have a bad wakeup call when they realize their expensive machines aren't capable of more than the visual equivalent of word salad.
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Weekly Roundup: Prompts (I fucked up but that's like from one week ago)
Tsukihime
Diferent Anon than the current Tsukihime petplay one, I offer the oppisite: Arcuied puts Ciel down like old yeller, is delighted that she can old yeller her over and over again.
Arcueid is convinced she's a kitty girl and thus gets deeply offended when every "what animal are you" quiz she takes tells her she's a golden retriever (which she is)
Arcueid becoming Neco Arc played completely straight as some sort of horrofic Jekyll and Hyde style transformation.
Kohaku starts a recruitment drive for new maids for the mansion, and everyone (regardles of gender or even species) in Misaki Town finds themselves drafted - whether they like it or not
Fate/Zero
Waver gets a break for once
Fate/Extra
Smut, Someone attempts to hack BB, but the super AI is far too above such petty human tricks. She definitely resisted all the attempts to change her personality and her perception of normal, as you can tell by the fact that her panties have massive dildos spreading her vagina and her ass at any and all times, just like she definitely always has and didn't suddenly start doing the day of the for sure failed hacking attempt. She's also definitely always loved having her face fucked by men and women and enbies alike, as is perfectly normal. Her face is meant to pleasure anyone and everyone who wants her to! Gosh, that's just logic. It's why she has a mouth and throat and tongue in the first place!
Smut, Mostly I just have a hypnosis kink and enjoy the idea that a machine can only do what it's programmed to do, regardless of what it was programmed to do yesterday. Anyway BB gets a software update and "remembers" that it's polite for her to eat her Master out every day, especially because her Master for sure didn't make her think that was normal, because it just always was.
Kama and/or Kiara face their greatest challenge yet: someone who is asexual. The Beasts of Lust lose and lose hard.
Smut, Nero bondage (I think it still counts if it's something that prevents them from moving) where she forces another character into the Roman Candle Execution Method they pioneered IRL - aka trapping them in a wax coating that restricts their movement (here with the exception of the various body holes) with the caveat that holes are unsealed so Nero can have sex with them. May or may not involve the person/ candle actually being set alight or suffocating in the wax during being fucked The person doesn't actually have to die.
Fate/Stay Night
Archer grows tits. He's still male. He's still a dude, he's masc, he's comfortable being called a man. But now he has tits and he likes them. Anyways now instead of fourth place for biggest chest he's second only to Passionlip.
Hopping off of the archer spontaneously grows tits anon from earlier- he is now the first axis man to get a swimsuit alt because of it.
Guinevere gets summoned, and Lancelot tries to leave her alone to avoid starting any drama, only for Guinevere to demand to see him because she never stopped loving him
Fate/Apocrypha
Astolfo, in a rare moment of lucidity, congratulating someone on their transition. Ideally, phrased ambiguously enough to make it unclear what sort of trans they are, or how far in the transition they are, just that Astolfo is happy with the progress and glad for them to have moved closer to their truth.
Sieg, having been alive and independent for less than a week and whose closest friends are Jeanne and Astolfo, thinks that wearing feminine clothing is completely normal. Upon being summoned to Chaldea, promptly tries on those cute skirts Asolfo likes to wear.
Sieg and Astolfo sleep together. Not as in the euphemism-for-sex sense, they just fall asleep in the same bed cuddling each other, high emphasis on them being physically affectionate and tender and also adorable.
FGO
Smut, Several servants whose claim to fame includes "good at sex" decide to try and figure out who is best at it. They need an impartial judge to agree to get fucked silly by all of them. Gudao/Gudako "mysteriously" goes missing not long after (spends the next weeks getting fucked into the ground by all of them).
Guda finally after everything gets a nice peaceful-ish death! Unfortunately instead of immediately being sent to any after life they have to be isekai'd (again seriously for real this time) so the various afterlife reps can have a custody battle over their immortal soul...
Smut, Nitocris under her Medjed sheet, maintaining the perfect poise and bearing of a pharaoh, exactly the same as all days. Which is rather impressive, seeing as the only thing she's wearing under it is a dildo up her ass. Heavy emphasis on how genuinely nobody else knows anything is any different than usual, with the possible exception of her girlfriend Scheherazade. Who might've been involved in the escapade.
I wanna see Blackbeard covered in blood. Whether it be defending his collection, saving his master, reenactment of his death or that one Black Sails scene, getting his red wings etc I don't care. I just want that nerd drippin in the red stuff
we have fairy knights of the round. but there should be a round table of dogs , naturally lead by Sir Cavall II
There's only room for one loud angry trans man in Chaldea! Mordred and Caenus duke it out! Whether or not the "sparring match" devolves into furious sex afterwards is up to the writer.
BB decides to host a reality show with challenges.. but every challenge is cruel one way or another, like facing your worst fears… BUT IT IS TEN TIMES WORSE. The prize for winning is getting to bed Gudao AND a grail
WG Scenario where after Flauros possessed Lev, he started losing weight from not eating as much as his host used to. Roman points this out during a checkup and it makes Flauros paranoid that this sudden change will make the Chaldeans suspicious of him and realize their coworker has been taken over. So he starts eating more to gain back the weight but overdoes it and winds up as big as Goredolf. Bonus points if a Chaldean hits on him as he gains more but it just makes him think they're onto him.
Smut, heeey maybe the watsonian reason why shiva isn't available for summoning is because there's quite a lot of woman at chaldea interested in pegging him , in addition to teaching Kali & Durga about femdom.. and you have gudako , who is gonna put him in a mating press or die trying.
Morgan and Mash have been in a sexual relationship for a bit now, which they excuse as just being a casual thing (Not the right way to court a queen after all, that’d be incredibly improper…), except Mash has started accidentally picking up her fashion cues with the black lace, occasional blue lipstick, and- oh that’s a collar. Nobody wants to say anything, even if it’s congratulatory, as they don’t wanna get Berserker-looped.
Smut, Everyone has their own sexual rhythm for providing penetration, but Lancelot (Saber)’s is Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake, and it really weirds Raikou out, because he legitimately doesn’t realize.
the realization that kadoc has fully grown accustomed to chaldea's chaos did not occur when he started a pirate radio station with jalter in order to put BB channel out of buisness, instead the realization hits kadoc when he accidentally calls archer moriarty Dad. and to make things even more funny , fran is cool with having kadoc as a foster brother.
Woodwose somehow ends up at a furry convention
The reason why Blackbeard hate for fighting and actually working is because his thirst for piracy was what made him abandon his wife and lose his life. So in a Dodrinya type situation Chaldea summons Edward Teach(B.B. true name), the greatest pirate who has ever lived, and it's Blackbeard's wife and they have an awkward reunion
all the doctor servants just fucken die due to the amount of apples gudao/gukao consume in this up coming lotte events. they then respawn after the two weeks are up and promptly beat they to death with medical supple.
Consider, Sex Pollen, but Guda is allergic to pollen.
Oberon gets fucked until he starts calling himself Titania.
All the lostbelt kings are lamenting the loss of their lostbelt together, except for Qin who just came back from their own perfect recreation of their lostbelt and is confused on why they’re all sad
since gudako and Morgan are married this means Sith becomes an sibling older due to gudako's kids(kid Gil, Illyea, nursery and jack). Jack super happy to have an older sibling but Sith is against this until jack brings her black-beards head because he was talking mad shit about her older sister. Sith now responds when jack calls her big sis and calls her litte sister from that day on.
Kiara tries to tempt an ace Gudako with garlic bread. Gudako can't eat gluten so the attempt fails miserably.
Noncon, incest, I can't take this anymore I need to see Duryodhana's stupid loser ass get nonconed by Bhima or by a mob I don't care he just deserves to get put in his place (bonus points if you use his line for getting hit by np)
Its Mother's Day in chaldea and in a bit of a twist Morgan gives presents to her phh children since she feels bad for what she did in their timeline
someone be insane about hanahaki with me, theres a botanical fucking garden in ritsuka fujimaru's lungs and people who some of the flowers grow for are dead aaaaaahhh. none of that "its only curable if they love you back" or "removing the flowers kills your ability to feel" though. guda has to get rid of the flowers in their lungs and they gotta confess to do that but again, many of the people they grow flowers for are dead by gudas own hand from the lostbelts going down.
Bradamante is the de facto straightman of the Paladins of Charlemagne, but when left to her own devices/is without any of her ilk, she’s as much off a silly bimbo as the rest of them
Now summoned as a servant rather than a full fairy, Barghest discovers that she no longer gets sick from eating chocolate, and that she has an INCREDIBLE sweet tooth. In order to satiate her appetite, she gets Medb to channel Knocknarea’s spirit origin for access to her chocolate fields, in exchange for Barghest now serving as her Hound and Brave. Cue a Petplay/Weight Gain scenario about their treat-based relationship economy.
Smut, Koyanskaya’s tail isn’t real, it’s a buttplug (of egregiously large proportions, but that’s beside the point), and she’s started selling them. If you keep it in however, a set of Fox ears begin to grow, and your teeth begin to sharpen… hey, what do you mean Gudako just got gifted one?!
Silly omegaverse courtship between master and castoria where guda is desperately trying to court this beautiful fairy idiot with elaborate rock art that is too circular for her tastes, all the food they can make safely while severely impaired from rutbrain, random objects they think she would like, and eventually when they manage to create cool rock art that pleases the lady a sick ass breakdance. Whether or not they fuck in the end is up to you I just like versegm's ideas
Kingprotea practicing to control her strength so she can safely give her Master a headpat. Lots of practice dummies get varying degrees of comically destroyed as she carefully dials it in.
All the Sakuraface servants get summoned all at the same time sharing Sakura's body. Sakura's many many new headmates get up to comedic hijinks as they spend so much time fighting each other for control that Sakura's actually not really stopped from doing anything.
FGO again
Smut, Tai Gong Wang valentines but he actually goes through with what he was alluding to and we are treated to him and Guda having steamy outdoor sex (Guda's gender,.kinks, who tops, ect. is up to the writer)
Smut, Post Valentine's Gudako confronts Oberon over his shitty return gift. The two argue ending in hate sex. What happens next is up to the writer but it's gotta end with Oberon, completely sucked try, exhausted, and questioning if Gudako is related to the Merlins in some way (i.e part succubi)
Smut, You think Gudako is a top? WRONG! She's actually a hardcore masochist that loves being dominated. The crueler the partner, the better.
Let’s stop putting the pining on Mash, let Morgan be the one who has to search endlessly for her first knight whom she no longer remembers.
Okita, noticing that her coughing has only gotten worse to the point that she can no longer fight, begs Nobu to take her head. Nobu does not know what to do
Nightingale, known magic denier, is summoned under the caster class on accident, and is forced to learn how to do wizard/magical girl stuff. She gains a couple ranks in the Insanity skill by proxy.
Artoria stops Medb from consuming a pot brownie, finds out it's "forever weed" laced and has to try and hide the fact that she's super high from Merlin, every member of the round table in chaldea, Morgan, guinevere and other who have somehow been summoned by medb just for this occasion and the master themself
Due to their bond Gudako ends up seeing Angra's memories in her Dreams, specifically who he was before becoming the incarnation of all evil and the torture they did to turn him into that
guda this explaining pronouns to an older servant(whoever you want) while jack is in the room minutes later jack says they want to be non-binary because it represent all the kids that make them up and it sound cool.
loli, Sherlock begs Helena to put him on a leash and collar and walk him around and Helena decides to overperform by taking him out through the Chaldea halls late at night. Humiliation and being out to the writers discretion
Smut, Tamamo and her Master (Hakuno, Gudako, I ain't too picky) engage in BDSM for the first time, with Tamamo as the dom. Tamamo has the experience, though, and so teaches her Master about how it usually goes and how safe words work and such. Lots of emphasis on the process of teaching a newbie how to engage in the kink safely.
The trauma of the Lostbelts actually gets to Ritsuka. They end up repressing the memories of certain events (Mash's death, the destruction of the Lostbelts, fight with ORT, ect.), and would have moments where they disassociate. It gets worse after the Olympus lostbelt as they then would occasionally lay in bed unresponsive for hours to even days.
(writer chooses how the servants deal with this, and wether they want to go full angst, hurt/comfort, ect.)
columbus rolls the worst joint ever witnessed by man god and demon and is immediately executed for it
Canonically not understanding how to treat mental health issues, Nightingale prescribes Gudako bimbofication pills
oberon gifts morgan a gift of just bugs. Now he’s being chased by the faerie knights and now gudako must at least stop them from murdering oberon for his antics
kriemhild wants sieg to change his name. the next day, turns out his name is Hans Schmidt now. And kriemhild has to tell sieg that ‘no, he didn’t have to change his name’
ABDL - Raikou gets fed up with how pervy and non-innocent Gudako acts, and decides she'll have to fuck her until her mind regresses to a more innocent age.
Izou and Ryouma get stuck in myhouse.wad
Fujimaru gets summoned in Requiem, recognizes Erice who is extremly confused about it.
Cu gets into an argument with salter rider maid supreme, decides to one up her at maiding. Not one hell of a butler, one hell of a MAID. He is wearing a MAID dress and doing maid stuff to be clear hear. Shenanigans ensue. He can fuck around along the way if he wants. But he must defeat Salter at maid shit. Any version of cu but setanta is cool for this.
Any fandom
Any character getting turned into a small dress up doll and then being dressed up.
not quite a prompt fill but like, as to how mutting could work(reverse bitching that was requested a while back that mod named) i think it could happen if you just kept your face in peoples holes for long as you can as frequently as you can. eat pussy/ass like you get paid by the hour to do it. probably through someone elses heat or even your own. until you grow a cock to fuck them with. or just become an alpha. whichever is cooler for you.
Some sort of mystical force gets fed up with all the various non-berserk, completely coherent berserkers and decides to rectify that. As practise, it drains Jalter's mind and sanity and increases her physical fitness to the point she makes Heracles look like a reasonable little shrimp
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brother crab’s 2023 seasonals in review: summer
surprisingly easy to rank season for me, so i'll get right to it
anime of the season + runner-up for summer goes to...
undead girl murder farce and zom 100: zombie ni naru made ni shitai 100 no koto! nothing else even came close
i'm giving ugmf anime of the season because i personally vibed with it a lot (murder mysteries with a rakugo flair + arsene lupin trying to fuck the phantom of the opera in the background you really cannot go wrong) and also because zom100 has yet to release its last few episodes
zom100 is such a consistently solid show, though, that even without seeing the full cour i'm prepared to give it runner-up of the season. and it's honestly a strong contender for anime of the year. the first episode especially... i would rank it even higher than the first ep of oshi no ko tbh
lots of sequels this season as well!
horimiya, bleach, jjk, and bsd. some new snv came out this season as well but since i binged all that at once it doesn't really feel like a sequel to me
anyway easily sequel of the season goes to bleach, largely because of nostalgia won't deny that but also because it's just that fucking good
horimiya however was also an immense delight! gonna miss these wacky kids :')
quickfire thoughts on everything else:
watashi no shiawase na kekkon is the shoujo of the year, there's been a lot of cute stuff lately but nothing comes close to watakon
vending machine isekai was fine and occasionally funny, but kinda shocked it got a sequel announced already. worldbuilding was definitely the most interesting part and i hope we see more of it in s2
dekiru n eko way kyou mo yuuutsu was absolutely perfect, very fun and cute and soothing
okashi na tensei had a promising premise which it failed to lean into, there was little to no BAKING in this BAKING anime jfc
lv1 maou to one room yuusha seemed like your run of the mill shitty ecchi but actually it's NONBINARY OLD MAN YAOI?! and was kinda good. dumb, but fun
ai no idenshi was... well it was episodic which i like, generally, but it really. was not consistent. some good pieces, some not so good. some interesting, some not so interesting. main failing is it really did not imo balance its 'main' plot with its mini-stories well at all
ayaka was fun! it doesn't really hold a candle to k project like at all but at least it was not as bad as praeter lmao
synduality noir (first cour) was alright. nothing to write home about but a decent enough mecha. as far as anime that are game ads go... i'd say it's okay. a little more interesting than takt op to me, though not as visually stunning. and not as compelling as god eater
hyakushou kizoku was a tv short adapting arakawa hiromu's autobiographical farming manga and it was such a delight lol, especially fun if you're a fan of fma or silver spoon. explains so much about ed tbh
hi no tori: eden no sora was a 4-ep ona that i quite liked overall... ending was just so-so to me i guess
dark gathering isn't quite over still but it's fine as a horror that's heavy on the gore (gorror? is that a thing) actually. probably better than fine, it's just not my genre. some of the stories are definitely more gripping than others, but yeah solid horror overall and really good cast (yandere hanakana what could be better)
helck is also still going but has been really solid, way more enjoyable than i'd imagined. it has an 80s feel to it that i love
and last but certainly not least shuumatsu no valkyrie ii part 2 gives us GYARU FUCKBOI BUDDHA once again. what could be better lmao
MOVING ON
op of the season goes to zom100's song of the dead by kana-boon! the song itself is a banger and the way the op changes from episode to episode makes it even better
HOWEVER this was not an easy choice lol bleach and even jjk both came in with strong contenders as well
ed of the season goes to heclk's statice by saji! it just. ough. right in the feels
youtube
youtube
this was not a very blorbo or ship heavy season for me but i have to just repeat ARSENE LUPIN. AND THE PHANTOM. OF THE OPERA. one day i will circle back to this lol
#crab watches#various things#summer 2023#brother crab's year in review#these posts are getting messier and messier lmao but whatever#proud of myself for even remembering what i watched lol
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FF7 stuff I may or may not ever get around to writing
The latest trailers dropping gave me a wild hair to look at ye olde Big Outline and there's a whole section of AI Cait Sith Lrning2Cat. For most of the timeline this involves him watching a lot of cat videos; post-Meteorfall he acquires a real-cat mentor who is definitely a stray and who Reeve totally has not adopted and who Reeve totally only named because Cait asked why he had a name and the real cat didn't. Anyway, this is copypasted straight from my outline and may be less than coherent in places but screw it.
of course there's the whole montage of Cait learning what is and is not okay to knock off tables (unlit candle: ok! lit candle: boss yells really loud to never ever knock fire off a table again!)
Cait learns the term "cat malfunction" and starts going full derp to alert Reeve to errors, which actually works pretty well!
Ekekek -> cats do ekekek to tell other cats there’s prey -> cats see their humans as big hairless cats that are shitty at hunting -> Reeve comes home to see Cait on the counter island doing an ekekek at a bag of chips
Following similar logic: cats see their humans as big hairless cats that are shitty at hunting -> cats leave dead critters on humans’ beds and such because they’re trying to feed them -> Cait leaves food on Reeve’s bed. Sometimes the food is not of a sort that is suitable for putting on a bed. One time Cait straight up drops a package of frozen hamburger meat on his face at three in the morning.
post-Meteorfall Cait’s Moogle search history is just pages of variations on “what do cats do when humans are sad”
Reeve, possibly with Turks in tow, comes home one time to DEMON CAT HISS RIGHT UP IN HIS FACE. Reeve almost has a heart attack. Reno almost pees himself. Then almost pees himself laughing. Cait just goes “did I scare you? :D” “WHAT THE FUCK, CAIT WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT” because yes, Cait can do a hiss, he has done a hiss, but not this kind of DEMON CAT HISS EVER. Also Reno cracks up all over again at Reeve saying the fuck word. “From Meatball!” And then Reeve notices Meatball lounging on the couch looking smug like he owns the place, with a few odd bald patches showing fresh pink skin. “Cait? Why’d you let Meatball in?” “Oh, I figured since you let him spend the night inside after he got repaired” “Fixed” “Fixed it was ok to let him in so I could heal him up good?” “okay yeah that’s--wait, heal him? OMG what happened? Is he ok?” “Yeah, he got in a big fight with a bunch of other cats! It’s ok, I helped him!” [insert side convo: “uh boss? Didn’t he just say Meatball’s got no... meatballs? Isn’t that supposed to stop the whole fighting thing?” “supposed to yeah but he still thinks he’s king of the neighborhood”] “oh god you weren’t on your buddy were you” [visions of giant cave moogle and smashed cats] “nah it was just me but you know that real big mean gray tabby that tried to bite me the other day? I punched him in the nose and he ran off!” And Reno is all “oh okay I see how it is, your real cat’s got your robot cat throwing paws in the street and you’re fine with that but I’m a bad influence?” “MEATBALL IS NOT MY CAT” and of course the whole time Elena is on the couch just cooing over poor brave widdle Meatball and he’s eating it up, making biscuits, showing her his belly, the whole nine yards
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Clarke whimpered with a whine when Lexa almost pulled out of her. Clinging fast to her body, not willing to lose the friction and fullness her body craved. She moaned in relief when Lexa thrust back inside. Thick, tight, and hot. If the room hadn't been lit with half a dozen candles, she was sure that the ends of her nerves would have shot sparks around them and lit the room. She clung tight to her as the alpha surged over her.
"Lexa," Clarke moaned.
Lexa was in a daze, unable to form words less any sentences. Her body was all animal instinct, seeking Clarke's release to bring her pleasure and give her seed. Lexa recognized her name and pulled back to watch Clarke's face. Now on her hands, she moved her legs up to grind down firmer, seating herself on each thrust. She gasped as she felt the beginnings of her knot and sucked in a breath, enjoying the pleasure of fully extending herself with a gasp. She looked down at Clarke and could see she understood what was about to happen and held her tighter. Lexa groaned and jerked back unevenly and tried to find her rhythm again.
Clarke wanted more and clung to Lexa's body, opening herself and gasping when feeling the beginning of her knot and seeing the questioning look on her face. Her coupling with Lexa didn't mean it was necessary to go this far, but her curiosity and body decided she wouldn't reject something she always craved. She'd heard stories, making her blush, and when at the moment you became tied to another, the story told her that it could last until the Lexa released her could be hours. Caught together until the alpha's seed could take hold. Clarke's heart soared at the thought, and it became a goal. If she tied to someone, Lexa was a pretty good match.
"Do it. I want you to."
Clarke whispered in her ear, grabbing her ass and pulling tighter to her body. Lexa had not considered knotting Clarke. But a seed was planted. And with each cry from the girl under her, she wanted to fulfill her desire. Clarke felt right. Her heart flashed to the one she lost and cried out, and she pushed harder, and Clarke answered her back with a loud sensual moan.
"You're so close, Lexa."
Lexa was held firm surrounding her slick channel, and now that she was free to go further, she wasn't sure she could accept her growing knot. But, a little more pushed inside every time she pressed against her entrance. She grew needy, wanting more, and urged her body to open for the surging alpha above her.
"What the fuck is going on? Get off of Clarke!"
Lexa let out a ferocious growl, scaring Clarke with her anger. Lexa stopped moving inside her. Clarke looked up to see a fire in her eyes. Over Lexa's shoulder, she saw the cause of her anger.
"Finn!" Clarke yelled when he approached them. The idiot was going to get himself killed. "Stop, Finn. You're going to get hurt."
Lexa only saw red and did not need to look where she kept her knife. She pulled out of Clarke, jumped off the bed, and had a blade to the boy's throat in seconds, backing him up against the wall.
"Hakom osir ai nou fragon yu, skat?" [Why should I not kill you, boy?]
"Explain yourself," Lexa snarled through clenched teeth and held him tighter against the concrete wall, her blade resting at his jugular and one slice, and it would be over.
Finn couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, and he dared not look down. All his mind could think of how easily the woman had him against the wall so firm that there was no way he could break himself free.
"What the fuck yourself, Finn," Clarke said as she quickly put on her top. She moved to Lexa's side and pulled the blade away from his neck. "You better have a damn good reason for being here."
He gave her a pitiful glare. Clarke threw her hands up into the air and yelled, "Shit, not that again. Get the hell out of here, now!" Clarke said with a growl of her own.
"Clarke. Wait," Finn begged.
He tried to move to speak to Clarke, and Lexa blocked his way. Naked, hard, and dripping, he couldn't help but look down. Lexa gave a warning growl and backed out of the room with his hands up. All the blood drained from his face.
Clarke rubbed Lexa's back to calm the alpha down. "I'm sorry about that, and thanks for not killing him."
Lexa kept herself from purring when Clarke touched her back to calm her down. Clarke pulled the blade out of Lexa's tightly clenched hand and tossed it on the table.
"Come here." Clarke pulled Lexa into a hug and wrapped her arms around her back. The alpha buried her nose into Clarke's neck. Her scent was telling her everything was okay. A few calming breaths later and she pulled back.
Lexa leaned her forehead against Clarke's and whispered. "I would not have killed him. More like his pretty face would be sore as well as the rest of his body when he awoke the day after tomorrow." Lexa paused to correct, "No, more like next week. He will not make this mistake again."
Clarke pulled back and saw a glint of a smile come over Lexa's face and raised her eyebrows. "Oh, I can tell he's regretting seeing you like this, hard and glistening." Clarke waved a hand at her body.
Lexa blushed with Clarke's complement making her feel a lot better. Clarke removed her clothes and invited Lexa to return to bed.
~
Good Morning, Mate!
Clarke wanting Lexa’s seed? Wow, me and her have that in common
This was everything I wanted and more 🥵🥵 sweet and sexy. Tbh Finn’s a lot better then I am because my eyes would’ve been glued to Lexa’s 🗡️ immediately. Clarke would’ve had to beat me with a stick or sumn to get these eyes off that prize
Am I allowed to make smut requests? If so, in your next installment (cuz you can’t leave me all high and dry wet) what if Clarke sees some girl practically throwing herself at the Commander and in an act of jealousy she gets Lexa to fuck her in a semi-public place so that the other girl can learn not to mess with other people’s toys 👀👀👀🥵🥵🥵🥵🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️ something very sexy about Clarke glaring over Lexa’s shoulder as she pounds into her
#also Lexa being oblivious to what’s transpiring between Clarke and this other woman but being excited to fuck Clarke 😍 that’s my baby#ask#ily smut anon#we love a big 🗡️
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more Candle. around chapter 78. bloody addictive, these webnovels lmao
i read up to the end of book 4 and a little beyond last night.
this book develops Joon and Fenn's relationship, and the adventure of the week sees them attempting to teach Joon 'soul magic', which turns out to give him access to his 'true character sheet', which lets things get pretty wild.
that comparison i made to Baru Cormorant? seems like it's going to continue to be relevant, because most of this chapter was about dealing with an adversary who can rewrite someone's motivations, particularly 'values', here understood as a list of discrete concepts assigned importance by various criteria. this not by a lifetime of indoctrination but a magic touch. so we have a book with our cast forced to regard each other with extreme paranoia - paranoia which proves entirely justified.
also first party death. even though resurrection is possible, it's not surprising that this leads to everyone becoming worse, short-tempered versions of themselves
now the author's rat background is becoming increasingly evident, although I don't think this is going to become a HPMOR-style propaganda piece - it's more that the pool of concepts he's playing with is, well, the sort of thing that gets discussed on Lesswrong. it's clear there is going to be some kind of 'AI risk'-type question implied in Joon's ability to fuck with his own values, and if the author continues to be pretty good at writing, I expect he's going to do his best to make Joon's likely slide to the dark side seem entirely justified in the narration the whole way.
oh yeah there's more sex going on now. the mc's hangups are conveyed pretty well. it's putting him in the middle of a harem plot, which is not universal but not uncommon in litrpg (something else we can probably blame on Sword Art Online). given how openly metafictional this story is, I assume it's going somewhere with that.
one thing briefly about the power fantasy here. when I was much younger I read about half of another massive webnovel, Fallout Equestria. it's not an especially good book and I wouldn't go out of your way unless you really like deranged pony fandom shit and specifically the kind of story where the bad guys do a lot of (often weirdly creative) sexual violence to show how bad they are. anyway, I'm reminded of that because the MC of that story gets a girlfriend who absolutely adores her, and the MC of course turns out to be the best at sex ever, so she's oh-so-embarrassingly overheard by the rest of the party. I'm sure there are other examples.
so the fantasy isn't exactly that you have a lot of sex with different people. it's that you're recognised by your peers as attractive (and good at sex), and you get a committed relationship with someone who's perfect for you. this happens through no special effort on your part.
harem anime and manga used to be a major subgenre, usually a comedy where a hapless bumbling male character ends up in an all girl environment by some contrivance and antics result. I can't comment too much on its usual story devices since, well, I never watched much of it beyond a small amount of Urusei Yatsura, and what I have is pretty far from the core of it. as far as I'm aware it's a subgenre that's basically dead and buried now, partly swallowed by the isekai wave and partly just tastes change
all the same, afaiu a core part of the genre is that the protagonist does not really pursue the girls - he's just a nice guy and everyone's got low enough self esteem that that's enough. the expected ending is that the protagonist will pick one of the girls and settle down.
by contrast, the type of male character who is having sex with multiple women is usually depicted as a brutish character, probably a rapist, overflowing with dangerous sexual energy - a demon in Berserk or many an 80s OVA for example. this is actually true even in reverse come to think of it - consider Zero of DoD3. (exceptions definitely come to mind, notably Naze Turbine in Gundam IBO, but that's more recent. it also seems less likely to apply this sort of frame to lesbians.)
so in a very stereotypical harem story the point isn't that you get loads of girls and have sex all the time. it's that you could do that but you don't, because you're a good boy who observes the cultural taboo against non-monogamy.
I expect this may get explicitly addressed in the story at some point, because among rationalists, polyamory is a lot more accepted or even a norm. right now we have the amusing idea of achievements intruding into sex scenes, and it seems like the game 'wants' Joon to be fucking all seven of his current and future companions. Joon doesn't like this, and I can only guess what the author is planning with this plot, although if this somehow ends up with Joon fucking the deer that will be goddamn hilarious.
anyway, moving on...
I've changed my mind about Arthur being the DM, or at least it now seems less likely than the ancestor sim angle. I now think this simulation was definitely built by Joon himself, much older, as a way to resurrect Arthur and give him a good life, but something went very wrong and activated Joon's ruthless DM tendencies, or maybe the only way Joon could get the resources to resurrect Arthur was by building his dream immersive MMO or something. in any case, I think pov!Joon is probably a version of admin!Joon inserted into the game in order to save Arthur. or maybe Arthur took control and is now doing to Joon what Joon did to him. AI gods are not my favourite trope, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt, because I have no idea what modern ratfic is like.
(I kind of want Tiff to be involved in running the sim somehow, because to me she's the most interesting member of Joon's D&D group. seems unlikely right now, but I'd be glad to be proven wrong.)
the basic arc of litrpg is that a character goes from the bottom of the heap to the top. in accordance with conventional storytelling wisdom, the early part where a weak character survives by their wits tends to be the most fun. Wales has done a good job so far of maintaining tension - honestly so much of it that the death of this arc's fantasy-Mengele villain came as a serious relief, although as a character the queercoding was a bit much lmao (a lisp? seriously?).
but Joon getting the ability to fuck with his soooouuuullllll very directly seems like it's going to be a turning point, even if the 'soul' here definitely seems to be another abstraction; and given I'm not even at the halfway point of this behemoth, I'm curious what will happen if we finally move out of the reactive protagonist territory.
many lampshades have been hung on Joon's lack of a strong driving motivation, incidentally. the closest thing he has to a main goal is resurrecting Arthur, but that is more of a vague long term aspiration than a project that structures the story at large, and indeed, we now learn it officially ranks several rungs below Joon's devotion to his immediate companions. in RPG terms, the DM - the cosmic force of Narrative as the characters see it - is doing most of the work to structure the story, sending a series of threats and problems Joon's way to hook him into adventures; as an RPG player, Joon himself has given few 'flags' to help signal what he's interested in doing. ironically, while Joon seems like he'd be a great DM, he seems like he'd be a slightly frustrating player - although he'd probably give more to work with if he weren't playing 'himself'.
that Joon is a reactive type of protagonist is apparently important enough to call attention to in narration, although I can't guess where it's going with this choice. generally speaking that's seen as a writing flaw, and motivated protagonists are preferred, but this story is so eager to call attention to narrative devices and artifice that I feel like I must assume it's doing this for a reason. I'm just not sure what that reason is yet.
guh i promise I'm not going to be just blogging about this webnovel for a while. these webnovels really get their hooks into you in much the same way an actual game does, the chain of overlapping problems and solutions is a powerful thing.
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@hurtbywhisperedmuses
My muse: Cayne Arlon
“Call me when they bury bodies underwater
It’s blue light over murder for me
Crumble like a temple, built from future daughters
To wasteland when the oceans recede”
The Water Khazen’s voice rumbles through the halls of his personal chambers deep within the orbital body he’s called home for several centuries now. It’s a meditation, a prayer, a desperate cry towards Old Gods who seem to have abandoned the planet of Isore completely. Their sinuous form curls through the tightest curve to their room with ease, the walls leaving them plenty of room on all sides.
It’s a day like any other, really. Meetings with new initiates, rallying cries for change on the planet he’s doubting he’ll ever see again, maybe sorting through some mail…once in their room, a shadowy tendril reaches out to tap an interface, AI immediately reading them messages in the growling tones of their native tongue. Nothing important, it seems. Junk, junk, more junk…they fiddle with their satchel as they wait for something- anything- interesting, plopped down on a large area rug woven from fibers sourced from a nearby colony planet.
Halfway through their messages, they feel the tug.
The sensation pulls at their chest, and no amount of puffing up makes it go away. They shift uncomfortably, a clawed appendage rising as if to check their nearly incorporeal body for damage. There’s none to be found. Panic rises like bile, but before their scrabbling appendages can latch onto anything, they’re being torn apart, spiraling through an abnormality in space, in time, that simply shouldn’t exist.
They scream, but it vanishes right along with them.
—
They collapse onto cool stone, immediately twisting and flailing in pain to right themself. Grotesque limbs, an inky black, knock a table aside, extinguishing a candle in the process. The beast is massive, its great shoulders rubbing against the ceiling as it fills the unfamiliar space. A loud hiss, not unlike a pained breath, follows as it struggles, as if this very atmosphere is not conducive to life.
“What the FUCK,” they say, but in a foreign tongue that defies understanding. Crooked, clawed hands reach for something, anything…what is THAT? What is that little thing, so pale and small, and HAIRY? Is that what lives here? Is that what they should be? With a cracking, like the shell of a beetle caving under pressure, their form twists and shifts, something like ink- something like blood?- pooling beneath them as they contort in a series of jerks, as if in the middle of a seizure.
When it ends...? A shape like a man, dressed in black, hunched over as if he’s been punched straight in the put. He straightens, slowly, the unfamiliar body cracking several times until it settles.
“Who,” he says, in flawless English, “has summoned me?”
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Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (709): Sat 24th Feb 2024
I got up early to see if my calf was feeling any better but I still struggled to put weight on it so I called in sick again. I hate having to call in sick but I can't deny it was nice being able to sleep in for another day instead of pulling carts from one end of the warehouse to another. I suspect with the growing emergence of AI then shortly employers will be able to access the microchips in their worker's brain and download content into their dreams so that even when they're off sick they can be forced into dreaming about doing their work.
Today was Mam’s birthday and my sister brought Luna over to celebrate. Mam was out shopping when they came so Luna got the idea to get her toy cash register out and get me to pretend to be a checkout clerk as she brought carts full of her toy food items to me. After I scanned all the items I told her the amount she needed to pay and gave her the card reader, telling her to enter her pin number and she comically pressed dozens of numbers even though I told her it was only four and I pretended to be infuriated with her. Mam finally arrived and Luna presented her with her cake while singing Happy Birthday (Can we be sued for saying that we sang happy birthday without written permission from the cunt who owns it?) and she even helped Mam blow out her candles. It really sucks that I don't get to see my little princess once a week for our playday any more thanks to her starting at stupid school. I suppose it's good that she's making friends her own age who are arguably much more mature than I am but I would still like to see her more often.
I saw that tickets for AC/DC we’re going for about £120 on Viagogo which are a fuck lot cheaper than they were originally going for when they were initially selling on Ticketmaster so I decided to stick one in my basket and go for it but then the bastards hit you with the £50 service charge! I don't know exactly what the service is since when I selected my ticket it was £120 and when I clicked continue it took me to another page which said I needed to pay £170 so it appears that the "service" they deem to be worth £50 is navigating from one page to another and if this is the case I owe a lot of other websites a LOT of money because I do that literally every day. As much as I hate myself for this (and in general) I took the plunge and bought one. The rational part of my brain was telling me that it was extortionate and I already have expensive stuff I need to save up for this year but luckily the fun part of my brain is much louder than the rational side and started drowning it out by playing the opening of Thunderstruck which I took as a sign to buy the ticket and I can't deny that I'm glad I did. Another legendary band to add to my expansive list of gigs and if the service charge Viagogo whacked on top of the ticket price is paying for electricity to power the freezer that’s they’re keeping Angus Young alive with then I'm fine with that
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Glad we all agree this is fucking bad, horse gamers
#Is this the straw that's breaking my back on the game? We'll fucking see#But either way it's objectively fucking horrendous#Anyways we fired a bunch of people so we could hire Huge industry names that#All defiitely cost a pretty penny to make scented candles WITH FUCKING AI
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Not so sweet sixteen (special birthday fic)
Pairing: Avengers x Teen! Fem! Reader, Loki x Teen! Fem! Reader (strictly platonic)
Summary: your sweet sixteen, isn't so sweet
Warnings: crying, sorta angst, fluff ending, slight swearing.
A/N: sorry this isn't very long, I worked hard though
I do not consent my work being stolen or posted elsewhere. Please reblog if you enjoyed the story
Divider by: @firefly-graphics
Inspired by the movie Sixteen Candles, if you haven't see it's about how this girls family forgot her birthday.
Also inspired by: Pity Party by Melanie Martinez
This was it. This is what you've been waiting for, your 16th birthday. It was exciting to be 16, you were now able to get your drivers license, you could drive where ever you wanted.
You couldn't wait to go down stairs and have a wonderful breakfast filled with happiness from the team. For your 15th birthday, they made you your own chocolate chip Oreo pancakes.
"Good morning guys" you greeted everyone as you took a seat. "What's for breakfast?" You asked.
"Eggs and bacon" Natasha answered as she put a plate of food down on the table.
This was odd and strange. It was your birthday and nobody mentioned it, and there weren't any birthday pancakes. But you were sure they had something planned for tonight.
"Ladies first" Peter held the plate of bacon in front of you.
"Thanks you" you responded as you took a few pieces of the food.
Everyone talked about things going on in the compound, and yet so not one word about your birthday. As if that wasn't strange enough, you were told that Loki left.
Loki never left the compound without anyone going with him, it was unusual for him. He didn't like stepping out of the building without his brother.
"Any plans for tonight?" You asked as you took a bite of your food.
"No, not tonight" Nat responded.
"I'm studying tonight" Peter answered.
Everyone else at the table nodded their head.
They really forgot your birthday, your fucking birthday. This couldn't have happened, this was an important date that you've talked about all month. Literally all you could talk about.
A few hours after breakfast, you decided to take a shower and dress up for lunch. You were sure that they must have remembered by now, seriously how could they forget.
You slipped into your plain blue gown and put on a thin layer of nude lipstick. You walked down the stairs and into the living room.
"You look pretty, Y/N" Wanda complemented you. "What's the occasion?" She asked.
"Not even you remember?" You responded as you got back up to head back to your room.
"Someone's in a mood" Natasha said after you left.
"Maybe I should try look in her mind?" Wanda suggested.
"No, we talked about this. You can't look in someone else's mind to get the answer" Steve responded.
Meanwhile in your room, that you'd locked yourself in. "F.R.I.D.A.Y." you said the magic words to make the AI pop up.
"Yes, Miss Y/L/N" F.R.I.D.A.Y. responded.
"Is there anything important happening today?" You asked with hope that the smartest thing would have remembered.
"Nothing has been marked on the calendar" the AI responded before disappearing.
Your eyes started to water, not even the an AI remembered. On top of that Loki was gone, and nobody knew where he was. You looked at yourself in the mirror before the tears could leave your eyes.
"Stay happy, the day isn't over" you told yourself. You fixed your hair and wiped the tear off your cheek.
You took a deep breath and decided to take a walk.
You took a walk to your favorite bakery to look around. All the desserts looked delicious and nothing looked more appetizing, than a very specific red velvet cupcake. It had cream cheese frosting with a fondant rose on top of it.
"Excuse me ma'am" you grabbed the cashier's attention. "I would like to buy that cupcake right there" you told her while you pointed at the cupcake.
"Here ya go Hunny" she said as she took the dessert out of the case. "That'll be seven dollars and thirty cents" she added.
You handed her your credit card. "It's my birthday today" you told her. You didn't know why, you just did.
"Well, happy birthday" she responded as she handed you your bag.
You smiled. It was nice to hear those words be said to you today.
After that you left the bakery and walked back to the compound. Maybe they remembered by now you thought to yourself. But then again, maybe they didn't.
"Hey we're sorry we didn't remember Y/N" Wanda told you walked through the door.
"We didn't know you had a doctors appointment today" Nat said.
This was unbelievable. You were gone for about an hour or so, and they weren't even close to knowing it was your birthday. Plus, Loki was still gone.
"Not even close" You said in a disappointing before you ran upstairs to your room. "Also, I'm not hungry for dinner" you added.
You locked the door and put your cupcake down on your nightstand. You plopped down on your bed and turned on your music. It wasn't often that people in the tower to forget things, especially this later in the day.
You thought they would have figured it out, but still nothing.
After dinner was done and everyone was done eating, you walked down to the kitchen with your cupcake. You dimmed the lights and grabbed candle and a lighter. A tear left your eye as you lit the candle.
"Happy birthday to me" started to sing to yourself, more tears leaving your eyes with each lyric.
At the end of the song, you were about to blow out the candle. When suddenly you heard a noise maker from behind you.
"Happy birthday, Y/N" Loki popped up out of nowhere, holding a little pink bag.
"You remembered?" More tears fell off your cheek. You accepted the present and opened it, it was a necklace with a little A on it.
"Of course I remembered" he responded, "why do you ask?"
"Well nobody else did" you cried. "It's my fucking birthday, and nobody remembered" you hugged Loki for comfort.
"Well I did, and we're gonna go tell everyone what today is" he said.
His hand gripped your wrist and he led you to the living room.
"Y/N, have you been crying?" You were asked as soon as people noticed you and Loki.
"It's my birthday" you said in a sad tone. They all looked up to you with sudden realization of why today was so important.
"Y/N, I am so sorry that we forgot" Peter walked up to you
"How could everyone forget, but Loki? This is my sixteenth birthday" you responded.
"We're very sorry, and we'll make it up to you" Bruce said.
Everyone walked up to you and gave you a big group hug. This may have been one way you didn't wanna spend your birthday, but at least it ended with your family.
---- The End ----
#avengers x reader#avengers angst#loki layfeyson x you#avnegers x teen reader#birthday fic#avengers fluff#sixteencandles#loki laufeyson#avengers fanfiction#loki fanfic#marvel fanfiction#angst fic#fluff
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Unraveled
Pairing: Steve Rogers & Reader
Summary: He deserved the world and she wanted to make sure he got it. Even if it didn't include her.
Warnings: Fluff, angst, hard pining, unrequited love, heartbreak, jealousy, insecurity, silliness
A/N: This is a revised copy of my oc fic. It is still written in 3rd person. No stealing, no reposts, no translations, no feeding to AIs. Comments, reblogs and likes are always welcome and appreciated.
Main Masterlist
Y/N knew she wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. It started with the unsightly scar that ran up her arm. Making her the constant target of bullying growing up. It didn’t matter to them how she got it, she was labeled a freak and cast aside. When she looked at it, she could still feel her arm tear open, taste her fear. She tried so many times to scrub herself raw, hoping to wake up with flawless skin. An endeavor that only caused bleeding and more name calling.
The ridicule didn’t end there. What she thought, what she wore, how she looked, never seemed to fit with their standards. She was not pretty enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not strong enough, too opinionated, too emotional, too weird, too needy... Always too much or never enough. Never right for anyone. It took years of rejection for her to finally say FUCK IT, and decide to be good enough for herself. Be who she wanted to be, dress in what made her happy, let her freak flag fly. Vowing to be content with what she saw in the mirror every day.
She fought too long and hard finding herself to change for someone else. But at times, like right now with him so close, she caught herself wishing she could be completely different. The kind of woman that he could fall in love with. The brilliant, strong, gorgeous woman he needed by his side, like Peggy was. She could never be that for him, and he only ever saw her as a friend. That fact being something Y/N had accepted years ago.
“Hey Penguin, have you had dinner?”
Y/N looked at the man in front of her. Eyes she could get lost in and a smile that made her heart stutter. He shone so bright she couldn’t see anything else. It wasn’t his looks or the serum, it was just HIM. His soul, his aura, whatever you wanted to call it. She was sure she’d recognize him anywhere, in any timeline. To her, he was perfect and so far beyond her reach even when he was right there. “I had cereal not too long ago.”
Steve tsked at her, “That’s not a dinner. Come on, I’ll make you some.”
Sitting down to heaping plates of spaghetti, the conversation shifted to Steve's upcoming 100th birthday. Tony was throwing him a huge party, pulling out all the stops. It promised to be embarrassingly extravagant and a damn good time.
“You're coming tomorrow, right? Don’t make me face all those people by myself.”
“Of course I'll be there, and in a dress.” She took a bite of her meal before continuing. “I'm also bringing a fire extinguisher, because I'm sure the place will burn down with how many candles are going to be on your cake.” Y/N smirked, pleased with her own joke.
Steve glared at her, before a smile forced its way on his face. “Are heels accompanying this dress, or should we expect Fluffy and Fatso to make an appearance?”
Y/N barked out a laugh at the mention of her penguin slippers. A few years ago, Tony made a snide comment when she wore jeans and sneakers to his party. So she bet him that if he could wear Pepper’s stilettos for a day without sitting, she'd wear heels to the next shindig. Tony was stubborn as hell and won. Then spent the next 2 days off his feet. Y/N kept her word, showed up in a dress and heels. However an hour into the party she had her fuzzy slippers on. She said she’d wear heels, she didn’t say how long. “Hey it was time to dance, I wanted to be comfy.”
“Don’t worry, you can wear any footwear you desire to my party, so long as you show up.”
She smiled warmly at him, “I wouldn't miss it for the world.”
---------------
Later that evening, the duo were parked on Steve’s couch, watching tv and chatting. Y/N was trying to convince him to do something or learn something for himself beyond a new fighting technique. “You can try sculpting, or surfing, or learn to play an instrument…”
“I could hit someone with an instrument,” Steve chuckled.
Y/N ignored his interruption. “You can learn to bake. We’ll open a bakery. Call it Captain's Cookies. No, um Steve’s Strudel,” she offered. “Or... maybe even go see a professional to talk about everything going on in that big angsty head of yours.” She scooted closer to hug his arm. “You need to learn to stop putting everything on your shoulders. You're allowed to be sad. You're allowed to be vulnerable.”
Steve looked down at her and smiled, “I thought that's what I have you for.”
“I'm not a therapist, I just listen. I can't really help you.”
“You've helped me more than you know.” Steve leaned to the side to gently bump her head with his. “I’m doing okay because of you.”
Y/N wasn’t having it. “You should shoot higher than okay. You deserve blissfully happy.”
“You make me happy. You’re always there for me, know me better than anyone. You make me laugh and kick my ass when I need it. I can be myself with you. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”
She felt her face twitch at that word. Don’t dwell on it, change the topic. She let go of his arm and bounced in her seat. “Ooh I know, go whale watching. Travel, for sightseeing purposes ONLY. Try all the food, make friends, take lots of pictures. You've already taken yourself outside the box the world put you in, go farther. To the other side of the world if you have to.”
Steve sighed, “Only if you come with me.”
“Duh, you can't get rid of me so easily.”
“Good, cause I won’t be happy if you aren't by my side.” He grinned at her, meaning every word.
Y/N glanced at the clock on the wall, it was 12:01 a.m. "Speaking of happy..." she dug under the cushion she was sitting on and pulled out a gift. "...Happy birthday."
Steve grasped the badly wrapped present. "Did you get into a fight with it?"
"Oh shut up, I tried."
He opened the card first and squinted. "I can't read your chicken scratch."
Y/N dismissed his comment, "You’re one to talk, Jerkface, your writing is atrocious. It says you own too much red, white and blue. So here's help to change it up and you must put them on immediately."
Steve ripped open the wrapping paper, a pair of black socks with the cowardly lion on them fell out. He kept his chin down as laughter rumbled in his chest. He loved them.
"Well, what else am I supposed to get you? Other than shirts that actually fit. But if I did that there'd be a mob outside demanding my head." She waited until the socks adorned his feet, "But wait, there's more." Y/N asked the AI to turn off the lights and television, revealing Steve's new garments glowed in the dark. "Ta da!"
Seeing the creepy glowing lions on his feet, Steve smiled so big his cheeks hurt. If she hadn't handed it to him, he'd still know it was from her. The gift screamed Penguin. "You are so weird. Thank you."
She doesn't take offense, hearing the affection in his voice. They were friends after all. Y/N asked for the lights back on. She smiled at Steve and cuddled up to him. "You're welcome."
Steve wrapped his arm around her shoulders, squeezing. “You're amazing, you know... I love you.”
Thankfully he didn't notice how hot her face became. Y/N knew he didn’t mean it the way she wished he did. Her heart should’ve learned by now to stop falling when there was never anyone there to catch it. “When you say it like that, I almost believe you.”
“I'd never lie to you, Penguin.”
“Shut up, Jerkface.” She turned toward him, giving a reassuring smile. Her eyes met his as he returned the expression. Then he tilted his head, leaning in for a kiss. Y/N began to close the gap between their lips. Her whole body electrified, her lips tingling in anticipation. For a moment she felt it, he returned her feelings. She forgot how to breathe.
Sadly, the bubble burst just as quickly when she felt his lips press onto her cheek. Her fantasy moment ruined. He pulled away, still smiling, but Y/N couldn’t manage to do the same. She tried to look neutral, hoping the disappointment wasn’t plastered on her face.
Steve cleared his throat, “Um, speaking of truth telling…I, uh… I met someone.”
"Oh?" Ohhh... It took everything in Y/N to maintain the mask of friendly interest.
"I think you know her, Lila from analytics." He removed his arm from around her and ran his fingers through his hair, blushing. "I really like her. She's beautiful and smart, generous, kind. Did you know she volunteers at the hospital every weekend. She brings her therapy dog to visit the patients."
"That brightens their day, I'm sure. That's really sweet of her." Y/N's stomach was in knots, heart hammering in her chest, but she encouraged him to pursue it. "I think you two would make a great couple."
He frowned, "I'm not so sure she likes me. She seems so hesitant when I'm around and I've been too nervous to ask her properly. I want to do this right." Steve hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees. "Things have been calmer lately. There's been less missions and it's given me time to think about settling down. Finding someone to wake up to."
Y/N swallowed the sob threatening to escape. "You think she's the one?"
"Yes, I think she might be… I need to do something to get her attention, a grand gesture to win her over. Women like that kind of thing, right?"
She visibly cringed, "Eh, that kinda depends on who is doing it. If it is someone they want, it should be gravy. However, if they don't like you, it's an embarrassing nightmare. Honestly, Steve, most women don't need the big display. They prefer the small gestures. They want you to know them. How they take their coffee, their favorite movie, what kind of flowers they like. Little things that let them know you care and they're on your mind. Those seemingly insignificant things mean so much more, trust me."
Steve sat back on the sofa. He sighed, thinking about her words. "How do I start? I don't know how to talk to her."
"Pfft, you just have to flash that dazzling smile, anyone would fall in love with you."
She took the lopsided grin on his face as her cue to continue, "Let's practice. Wait let me get into character." Y/N dramatically cleared her throat, then placed the back of her hand to her forehead, pretending to swoon. Using her best southern belle accent, "Oh, Captain, you gorgeous, golden adonis, hunka burnin' man you. I just swoon at the sight of your burly manliness." She draped herself across his lap, both of them cracking up. "Why, I don't believe I've ever..." Y/N lost her balance, rolling to the floor with a thud. "Ow!" She croaked.
He held off his laughter until he saw she was ok. He grabbed her feet, holding them in his lap.
Y/N continued her act, "I do declare, it appears I have fallen for you, good sir. Fallen so hard I'm going to have a bruise." She beamed up at him, hiding the pain in her chest… If only he knew how damn hard she really fell.
Steve chuckled and squeezed her foot. "You're such a nutball."
---------------
Steve’s birthday party was certainly grand. Y/N was sure he didn’t know half the people present. There was an obscene amount of gifts stacked on a table near an equally impressive 6 tiered cake. So much cheesy Captain America memorabilia around, it embarrassed him. A giant poster of him in his stage days was being signed by all attendees. Instead of the standard well wishes, Y/N opted to doodle a penguin holding a sign that read ‘courage.’ A private joke for the two of them. No one else knew he was currently wearing the socks she gifted him. She was also one of the few in the room that was aware that being at a gathering of this size put the former soldier on edge.
Y/N adored that Steve chose to spend the majority of the party at her side. Just the two of them, lost in their own little world, almost like she was his date. Wishful thinking. She wasn’t who he was there for, wasn’t the one he got dressed up and wore that special cologne for. The one that made her weak. He was waiting for someone else. Y/N understood she was just a placeholder.
An eager young man was talking animatedly to Steve. He kept stealing glances at her arm, a question on the tip of his tongue. Y/N bristled at the attention, waiting for him to ask what was clearly on his mind. Her scar was nothing to be ashamed of, it was proof of survival. Instead the man asked if he could get a picture with Captain America and his girlfriend.
Steve too quickly corrected him, “She’s not my girl. We’re close friends though.” He put his arm around Y/N’s waist as they posed for the photo with the man.
Y/N couldn't help feeling dejected and a bit peeved. There was no reason for him to say that. It felt like he shouted how much the thought of being with her disgusted him. So she did what she always does, hiding her pain behind humor. “Steve and I are very close. We share the same interests, the same values, the same underwear, the same women. Did you know we both made out with Natasha AND Sharon. You can’t beat a friendship like ours.”
Steve's face returned bright red as he attempted to explain the kisses were mission related. The man asked if Y/N’s was too. She just smirked and said nope. Popping the p for emphasis.
A small smile ghosted Steve’s lips, he was amused, and decided to play along. “The same underwear?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
“Ya, you've got to stop stealing mine. You can't pull off pink lace.”
“Well you're the one telling me I need to wear more colors.” The pair started laughing so hard there were tears in their eyes.
The man, uncomfortable and recognizing the end of the conversation, excused himself. Steve and Y/N barely noticed as they held each other, gasping for air.
Once oxygen filled her lungs again, she congratulated him. “That was your quickest comeback yet.”
“Well, you're a bad influence, Penguin.” Steve moved behind Y/N, wrapping his arms around her middle, burying his face in her neck, still giggling.
Y/N closed her eyes, trying to control her excitement and preserve the moment. She never wanted him to move. Wondered if he felt her heart pounding. When he lifted his head she turned to look at him, grinning ear to ear. He smiled back, booping his nose on hers.
Steve turned to watch the crowd, resting his chin on the top of her head. “Thank you for wearing flats, your noggin is a good headrest for mine. You’re the perfect height.” He continued holding her body close to his, until he spotted Lila across the room.
She felt him stiffen and squeeze her tighter. Y/N followed his line of sight to figure out what caused the reaction. Ah... her. “Go ask her to dance, Steve.” She regrettably stepped out of his arms to allow him to do so.
He’s pleasantly surprised when Lila smiled at him, holding his gaze. “I thought she wasn't interested.”
“She’s a little shy, and you being a mess when trying to speak to her did not help. She wasn't sure of your intentions. So I cleared the air. She's waiting for you. Go get your girl, Jerkface.”
“You know how great you are,” he gushed. Steve kissed her cheek, then walked over to Lila.
Y/N sat at the bar, swallowing the bile and jealousy as she watched them flirt and dance. Drinking whenever she felt her eyes tear up, suppressing the urge to march over there and tear Lila off of him. But he wasn't hers and she had no right to feel that way. Steve looked at her over Lila’s shoulder, mouthing ‘thank you.’ She raised her glass to him, finished it in one gulp, before turning away.
Natasha had another drink in front of Y/N, before she could ask. She liked playing bartender, having the advantage of surveying the entire room with her back to a wall. “I know you think you are not his type, but he may surprise you. You won't know until you try. Don’t chicken out just because you assume he doesn't have feelings for you.”
“I don't think, I know,” Y/N huffed, ignoring the look Nat gave her. “If there's no blush, there's no crush.”
“What do you mean?” Natasha tilted her head, confused.
“You've seen him, he gets all flustered around attractive women and if he really likes them, stutters and gets tongue tied. That's how I know he's never been into me. Steve has never been anything but comfortable with me, so I know he doesn't see me that way. It's been years, Nat, there's nothing there on his end.”
“And your end?”
“I'm used to my treacherous little heart yearning for things it can never have.” Y/N shrugged, “I love him. Simple as that. I honest to goodness, love him. In a build a future, have babies, die old together kind of way. But it's never going to happen, not for me. So I'm going to continue loving him while fighting to make his dreams come true. I will be the friend forever in his corner, rooting for him. Stand by his side at his wedding, babysit his kids…” She trailed off, sipping her drink.
Natasha frowned, “While your heart breaks.”
“Small price to pay for his happiness. He deserves to be loved and…”
“Don't you deserve love too?”
Y/N gave her a sad smile, “The universe would disagree with you…. I'm okay with just being his friend. I have to be.” It was a horribly sharp and bitter pill to swallow, but it's what she had to do. She couldn’t lose him.
Their discussion paused as the crowd began singing happy birthday. Steve stood by his large cake, holding Lila’s hand. He looked at her like she was the only person in the room. Y/N wiped at her eyes, “He deserves the best.”
Natasha wasn't convinced, “You should still tell him before it's too late.”
Y/N watched as Steve blew out the candles, scooping some frosting into his mouth before kissing Lila. “I think late came and went a long time ago.” She hated how much this was hurting.
“I'm sorry.”
“Me too.” Y/N watched the new couple leave, heading toward the elevator. Steve’s arm around Lila’s shoulder and hers around his waist. He looked so happy. Y/N doesn’t bother to hide the tears as her eyes follow them out the door, dragging her heart behind them.
---------------
Steve tried hard to connect with Lila. The kiss was nice, but something was off. He hadn’t felt right since he walked over to her. Lila’s voice wasn't the one he wanted to hear. She smiled too big, her touch felt out of place on his skin... He couldn’t stop wishing she was Y/N. He watched Penguin talk with Nat, and just wanted to be over there. Making jokes and laughing until they wheezed.
In truth, Steve’s been head over heels in love with her for years. He can't pinpoint the moment, he just knew it had been slowly growing since they met. His feelings for Y/N are as much a part of him as his heartbeat, his breath. She knew every part of him. Penguin unraveled him and put him back together a long time ago. Pulled on each thread until he laid bare and vulnerable before her, and she cared for and accepted all of him. He became stronger and more himself because of her. She helped him discover sides of himself he never knew existed.
He found what made him happy, Y/N. He’d never been more comfortable with another person. She was everything to him, consumed his waking thoughts and stared in all his dreams. He couldn’t live without her, sure he’d fall apart if she wasn’t by his side. She was too important to him to screw it up by admitting his feelings.
Steve knew he had to move on, and Lila was lovely. He could make it work with her. He had to. Wrapping his arm around the woman’s shoulders, he led her out to the elevator.
As they headed to his room, the taste of Lila and frosting on his lips, he wondered what she liked for breakfast. Eggs, pancakes, did she even eat breakfast? It didn’t really matter because all he wanted was to wake up and have a big bowl of cereal with his Penguin.
The End
A/N: Thank you to everyone that has read this version or the original. I appreciate you all. I'd love to know your thoughts.
Unwanted (sequel coming soon)
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Always You | JJK (Eight-Part 1)
Summary: you and Jungkook have been best friends since freshmen year of college, there’s a lot of unsaid feelings and tension but neither make a move. what happens when his friend Taehyung (also your crush) needs a fake girlfriend?
Pairing: Jungkook x Female reader
Genre: friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, slight slow burn, roommate au, college au, SMUT (starting ch2), fluff, angst (in later chapters) slight crack, lots of drama
Word Count: 11.5k (part 1)
Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption, sexual tension (!!!), mentions of sex, oc struggles with her future, mentions of vibrator, mentions of cum eating, dirty talk, vaginal fingering, oral (female receiving), masturbation, swallowing
Notes: I am having to post this chapter in two parts, I am so sorry about that! But here it is!! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter:) feel free to send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat about the story:) I LOVE talking with ya’ll!
Taglist: @mooniyooni @thisartemisnevermisses @giadalin @kookiebunny097 @cosmosjk @moonchild1 @just-jeon @anpanman-sonyeondan @starlight-night0 @yessii-i @apollukee @mikasaredscarf1 @kaye-rosales @bunnyjeonjk @dyriddle @aclowe13 @bishuthot @271101 @seagulljk @hass-mich-los @peachy-skz0325 @wonusbitch @not-your-lion @flowersgirl02 @justinetingball @fiantomartell @fairysunooo @taebae19
© taestefully-in-luv
Previous ---- Next
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
September
“What about this one?” You hold up another birthday banner, showing Vanessa yet another option.
“Ugly.” She says.
This is the fourth fucking birthday banner you’ve shown her and she doesn’t approve of any of them. But you have to admit this one is a little ugly.
“Vanessa…” you groan out, getting very obviously frustrated.
“I like this one.” She points to a banner. The very first one you showed her.
“Seriously?” you grab the banner and place it in your cart. “Okay, we still have to pick up the cake at 3. And we need to make sure we have enough plates for everyone…oh! We also still have to pick up the bottles at the liquor store.”
“I can get the cake.” She replies smoothly.
“We can just go together?”
Today is Jungkook’s birthday and you and Vanessa have been (Kind of) texting throughout the last week trying to find a good day to meet up. The day happened to be today of all days, so you’re feeling quite rushed.
“Fine.” Vanessa picks at her cuticles, just standing here looking gorgeous.
You on the other hand…were not expecting this to be a fashion show! You’re in shorts and a t shirt while she wears a flowy green dress and sandals.
“I want to be the one to present his cake to him though,” Vanessa begins, her eyes never leaving her fingers, “I am his girlfriend after all.”
You hate that your chest tightens at her words, you hate how her words affect you like this, how she affects you like this. Just being in her presence alone makes your heart twist.
“Got it.” You place some birthday plates in the cart, “So…what did you get him for his birthday?” you try to make conversation.
“A cologne.”
“You know he’s sensitive to smells—”
“He likes this one.”
“Oh.”
“I know him better than you think y/n.” her smooth voice cuts you like a butcher knife.
You nod your head, not knowing what to say. Maybe she does. But like, you still know him better right? You got to, right?
“What about you?” Vanessa lifts her eyes to meet yours, her eyes are small and dark and inviting.
“Uh, to be honest…I’m meeting with Jimin after this so we can go shopping for his gifts. So, I don’t know yet but I have an idea.”
“And what’s your idea?” her eyes go back down to her nails that she keeps picking at.
“Friendship bracelets.” You state.
“Hm.” Vanessa pushes the cart forward and walks towards the isle with candles. “We still need nice candles for the cake.”
“Right.”
~~~~~~~
“It couldn’t have been that bad, babe.” Jimin holds up a plain black hoodie and nods approvingly. “Another one for his collection, what do you think?”
“Looks like something I’d steal, so yes.” You give him a quick thumbs up, “And it was bad dude. She’s so hard to talk to!”
“Yeah, I could see that.” Jimin stands in front of a full body length mirror and checks himself out, pushing his hair out of his face. “Forehead or no forehead, tonight?”
“Hmm, no forehead.”
“Forehead it is.”
“Wow, you never listen to me!”
Jimin chuckles wholeheartedly, shrugging his shoulders like he agrees with you.
“So, where are these bracelets you keep going on about?”
“That one weird shop buy the smoothie place has these cute bracelets with letters for names on them! I was thinking I could get him a black one with my initial on it and I would get myself one with his initial.”
“You guys are so…that’s cute I guess.” Jimin giggles, he holds up his wrist as if imagining himself with the bracelet. “I want one too!” he whines.
“Maybe for your birthday.” You wink. “Anyway, do you think Vanessa knows Jungkook better than me?”
Jimin stops walking to get a look at you, an expressions that reads: Are you serious? Plastered on his face.
“It’s a valid question.” You say.
“No one knows Jungkook like you honey.”
“Okay…Also, you’ll be meeting my friend Yoongi tonight!”
“The not date, date guy?” Jimin pouts, “I thought you weren’t going to lead him on…”
You scrunch up your face in confusion,
“I can have friends Jimin, I’m not leading him on!” you try to defend.
“If you say so. Just like, try to focus on one boy at a time, you know?” Jimin teases.
You two walk to the shop that sells the bracelets and go inside. You find the bracelets you’re looking for rather quickly, feeling nice and lucky. You grab them and go to pay, when you finish up at the register you notice a Jack Skellington key chain and add it on to Jungkook’s gifts. You always have trouble finding good gifts for people, okay? You take what you can get.
“Shit, it’s already 6. I still need to go home and get ready!”
~~~~~
Nick lets you and Vanessa use their place as the spot to celebrate, it’s bigger than your place and Vanessa agrees saying it’s bigger than hers as well. Nick and his bro that believes in aliens (You really got to learn his name but at this point you are too afraid to ask) are the only ones here as you and Vanessa set up.
“Bro AI is out to get us man—” Aaanndd you are tuning him out, you watch as Nick listens closely, nodding his head every few minutes and whispering ‘Bro’. You and Vanessa hang up decorations in silence, the sound of Nick and his bro chatting away filling the room.
“People should start arriving soon…” you try to make small talk with Vanessa, she only hums in response not even sparing you a glance.
“You look nice.” You try giving her a compliment, she turns her head to the side to look at you and a sly smile grows on her face.
“Do you have feelings for Jungkook?”
You immediately choke on your fucking spit, what the actual fuck? You try to compose yourself when you hear the front door opening. Thank God.
“It is I!” You know that voice. “Where is my Jungkookie?” You hear Jin entering the living room along with Namjoon and Hobi.
“Jimin should be bringing him in the next 30 or so minutes!” you yell out. Once Jin and the other two boys spot you they light up.
“y/n!!!” Jin hurries to your side and bring you in for a quick hug. “How are you?!”
“Good, good.” You laugh, hugging him back.
“Good to see you y/n” Namjoon says with a soft smile and then you hear your named being shouted even though Hobi is a foot away from you.
“Long time no see!!!” He hugs you, shaking you around in his embrace. You can’t help but chuckle at your friend.
“Hi guys, I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Would we miss our Jungkookie’s birthday? No way.” Jin says.
“Oh,” you turn around to see Vanessa just standing behind you, not saying anything just staring. “This is Vanessa. Jungkook’s—”
“We know!” Hobi says, “Jungkook has brought her to Jin’s. Nice to see you again Vanessa!”
Vanessa tilts her head and nods, her lips not even attempting to curve into a smile.
“You too.” She finally says.
This girl either has no manners or just does not know how to properly socialize? Maybe she gets anxiety being around too many people?
You feel your phone buzz.
Yoongs 7:14pm
Im outside
“Be right back guys, a friend of mine just got here.” You try talking over your group of friends. You head towards the front door, swinging it open to a Min Yoongi waiting patiently.
He smiles at you when he sees you, he holds up a bottle of wine and shakes it around a bit.
“For the party.” He says.
“Perfect, let’s pour us a glass right now!” you gesture him to enter the apartment.
You two walk into the kitchen, and you start searching for a wine bottle opener but can’t seem to find it.
“Hey Nick!” You yell out, hoping to get his attention, “Where’s the wine opener?”
Nick shuffles into the kitchen and gives you an expression that screams he has no idea.
“I know where it’s at.” Vanessa’s silky voice fills your ears as she enters the kitchen.
“Oh.” Of course she does. Why wouldn’t Vanessa know? She probably comes here more than you do…
“Thanks.” You finally say when she hands you the wine opener.
“Well, let’s open this baby up!” you turn to face Yoongi and he smiles at you.
“Hi Vanessa.” Yoongi waves at the girl and she hums in response, walking out of the kitchen.
“Sorry, she’s…” but you don’t know what to say. Also, why are you trying to excuse her?
You pour you and Yoongi a glass and gulp it down quickly, you finish your first glass in just seconds.
“I need another one.”
“What’s got you so stressed in a time of celebration?” Yoongi casually sips on his wine, one baby sip after the other.
“Nothing, nothing.”
“y/n…” his soft tone makes you feel comforted already and he hasn’t even said anything yet.
“I don’t know how to say it without sounding psychotic.” You admit, pouring yourself your second glass of wine.
“Try me.”
“I feel like I am competing…with…”
“With Vanessa?” He gladly finishes for you.
“Yeah, like…I don’t know, I feel like she’s trying to take my place. But my place isn’t ‘girlfriend’ so I don’t know what I’m freaking out about.”
Yoongi sets his glass down and studies you for a moment, you begin to feel antsy under his gaze.
“I’m obviously on your side,” Yoongi begins in a hushed voice, “But maybe she’s worried too?”
“I wish I knew if she felt worried, or felt like, anything. This girl is hard to crack!” you quietly say.
“Just try to enjoy the night, okay?” Yoongi smiles and you don’t even feel like smiling back but you do. Suddenly, you feel your phone going off.
Jungkook 7:32pm
Why is Jimin making me dress up? I thought it was just a couple of us? Why do I need to look nice, I’m tired from work
Jungkook 7:33pm
Seriously y/n…it’s just a couple of us, right?
y/n 7:35pm
omg yes Jungkook it’s nothing big I swear, he just wants you to look nice for pictures
Jungkook 7:36pm
I always look nice for pics lol
y/n 7:38pm
No comment
Jungkook 7:40pm
Don’t be fukin rude
` y/n 7:40pm
Can you guys hurry up?
Jungkook 7:44pm
Jimin is in the mirror deciding if he’s showing his forehead or not
y/n 7:45pm
classic Jimin
Jungkook 7:45pm
Classic Jimin
You stuff your phone in your back pocket and grab your glass of wine and begin sipping on it again. Yoongi eyes you up and smirks.
“That the birthday boy?”
“Hm? Oh, sorry…yes. He and Jimin should be here soon.” You watch as Yoongi nods his head and then you realize…”Oh my god, let me introduce you to the guys!” you set your glass down on the counter and reach for Yoongi’s hand and pull him towards the living room. Unfortunately for you, you miss the way Yoongi blushes at the contact.
“Guys, guys.” You interrupt the boys from their conversations, “This is my friend Yoongi…” you gesture towards the boy, “Yoongi, this is Jin…Namjoon, Hobi, and Nick and his pal, uh…” you blink at Alien Dude and he just grins at you, not realizing you don’t know his fucking name. “Yeah, anyway.” You decide to move on, “Jungkook and Jimin should be here soon—” Suddenly, there is soft knocking on the door. You raise a brow because who else could it be?
You walk towards the front door and look through the peep hole and much to your surprise you see Holly and Trina waiting outside the door. You’re quick to open it with a wide smile on your face.
“I thought you didn’t want to come?” You ask, your question directed towards Trina.
“I…” her eyes slide to Holly, “…Had a change of heart.” She huffs out quietly.
“You’re going to be civil?” you smirk at your friend and she rolls her eyes at you.
“She’s going to be more than civil.” Holly pipes up, “She’s going to be nice.”
“Hey we never agreed to that!” Trina crosses her arms over her chest, “But whatever.”
“Thanks for coming T.” your smirk transitions into a soft smile. This means a lot to you, that Trina is trying to accept Jungkook.
“Well? Are you going to let us in or what?”
“Right, right.” You move to the side and let the girls through. They step inside and make their way towards the boys.
“Oh? You must be Mister Oatmeal Raisin!” Trina grins towards Yoongi, who stands here chatting with Hobi.
“You’re…let me guess, Trina? And you must be Holly?” he nods at both girls, “I’ve heard a lot about you two.”
“I hope good things?” Trina teases.
“Only the best.” Yoongi raises his glass to her and she turns her head to smirk at you.
You watch as everyone gets along, talking, laughing and having a good time—all except Vanessa. She is sitting on the sofa on her phone, tapping away. She doesn’t even try to converse with any of Jungkook’s friends? Strange. You hate her, technically. But you can’t help but feel bad? Like, why does she isolate herself so much? Does she really just have some social anxiety or something? There’s got to be a reason for her odd behavior.
“Hey.” You say, sitting on the sofa next to her. “You okay?”
“Hm?” Vanessa doesn’t look up from her phone as she barely acknowledges you.
“Why don’t you come hang out with the rest of us?”
Vanessa tilts her head to get a look at you and she blinks at you repeatedly.
“Why?” she finally asks. “I’m only here for Jungkook.”
Okay, ouch.
“Oh...well—”
“You never answered my question from earlier,” Vanessas coy smile begins growing on her face. “How you feel about Jungkook.”
You feel your palms get sweaty when you process her words. How the hell do you respond to that?
“I—I…” Then the front door is opening and you hear Jimin obnoxiously announce their arrival, that he has the birthday boy.
You immediately jump to your feet and rush towards the entrance of the apartment to greet your friends.
“Too bad you can’t admit it, “ Vanessa whispers, her eyes going back to her phone, “I could help you too.”
“JUNGKOOKIE!!!” Jin opens his arms wide, “Come and embrace me! It’s your birthday gift.” Jungkook stumbles in the apartment with wide eyes as he searches the living room. His eyes find yours and he smiles. He shows you his bunny grin and you can’t help but smile back. He looks breathtaking, Jimin didn’t play around picking Jungkook’s outfit. Ripped black jeans, chunky boots, a plaid shirt with a leather jacket—he looks hot as hell. Vanessa is a lucky girl, you think bitterly to yourself.
Jungkook greets his friends one by one until he sees Yoongi walk from the kitchen into the living room. Yoongi has refilled his wine glass and stops just in front of Jungkook and bows his head in greeting. You rush to the two boys, joining them in this awkward encounter.
“Oh, I invited Yoongi.” You begin to explain, “You remember Yoongi, right?” you ask Jungkook.
“Of course…” Jungkook tries smiling but it’s tense and strained. At this, Yoongi smirks.
Yoongi steps closer to you and wraps an arm around your shoulder and he smiles at Jungkook.
“I’m y/n’s plus one tonight—or I guess her…date?”
“D-Date?” You and Jungkook both stutter out.
Yoongi brings you in closer, nice and snug against his shoulder as he chuckles.
“Something like that.”
Jungkook tries releasing a breath but finds it to be troublesome. He looks at you with an expression you cannot really decipher, but he doesn’t look all too pleased.
“That’s nice.” He finally says, scratching the back of his neck.
“What’s nice?” It’s a smooth and silky voice. Vanessa. “Happy birthday babe.” She joins your circle next to Jungkook and places a kiss on his cheek.
“Right…” you butt in, “Happy birthday Jungkook.” You smile, still in Yoongi’s arms.
“What do you want to do first?” Vanessa links arms with Jungkook and you feel your body go tense. You don’t want her to touch him.
“Eat.” Jungkook laughs, “I’m so hungry.”
“Well, we have pizza for everyone.” You say loudly, getting the rest of everyone’s attention.
“You say pizza? Hell yeah.” Trina walks towards you four with Holly following behind her.
“Oh hey Trina…” Jungkook says, not entirely too sure how to talk to the girl that hates him.
“Hey Jungkook,” she says quickly with a smile, “So where’s the pizza?”
Jungkook and you share a look of pleasant surprise. Trina? Being nice?
The rest of the boys follow and you all head inside the kitchen to snag a few slices of pizza from the pizzeria that Jungkook is fond of. Vanessa stays close to Jungkook’s side, not that you are surprised. But what is surprising you is that Yoongi has suddenly become slightly more affectionate with you?
Yoongi takes any chance he can get to touch you in some way, whether it be picking a piece of thread off your shirt, or placing a wild strand of hair behind your ear. He doesn’t really strike you as the type to be so openly affectionate…at least not the one to initiate it.
But can picking a piece of thread off your shirt really be counted as affectionate? Maybe he’s just trying to help. What you don’t know though…Jungkook has picked up on too. He has watched as Yoongi smiles at you and you smile back, he has watched as Yoongi subtlety touches your arm when he talks to you and how your hand finds his shoulder when you laugh.
Jungkook sits on his couch, chowing down on a slice of pizza as he glares at you and Yoongi. He doesn’t mean to glare but why is he here? This is a small get together between close friends. How close have you and Yoongi gotten?
“And then bro, I was like no fucking way bro.” Alien bro talks animatedly, his hands motioning all around the place.
Nick stuffs another slice of pizza in his mouth, nodding along to Alien bro’s story.
“That is fucking wild.” You hear Trina pitch in, “Like, did that really happen to you?”
“It may have been a dream, but let me tell you…” Alien bro closes his eyes, “I think it was real, like a memory.”
You internally laugh, because this dude has got some wild fucking stories and you don’t know how to take him seriously. But everyone seems to be enjoying it.
“Let’s do cake!” You hear Jimin yell out, “I have such a sweet tooth right now.”
At this you see Vanessa actually light up, like she has been waiting all night for someone to mention the cake. You two agreed she could present it to Jungkook, maybe that’s why she’s so visibly excited.
“I’ll go get it…” She speaks up, “I’ll be right back.” She says, facing Jungkook. Vanessa stands from her spot next to Jungkook on the couch and heads towards the kitchen.
A few minutes pass by when you hear your name being called. You get up and walk to the kitchen when you see Vanessa with the cake in her hands, the candles already lit up.
“Can you turn off the lights?” she asks, “And you can start the Birthday song.”
You nod your head, walking back into the living room to switch the lights off.
“Okay, ready Jungkook?” you smile at him and he rolls his eyes with a smirk.
“I guess.” He says, amusement laced in his voice.
“Happy birthday to you!” you begin singing, the rest of the gang joins in and the living room is soon being filled with the sound of everyone’s voices singing Jungkook a happy birthday. You pull out your phone and begin recording, Vanessa walks in with the cake and she keeps her face neutral. She doesn’t even sing, wow. You can’t help but kind of laugh, that’s so in character for her.
“Happy birthday dear Juuuungkoook, Happy birthday to you!” You all finish up and start whooping and hollering.
“Make a wish.” Vanessa sets the cake down in front of him and Jungkook nods his head. He takes a deep breath before his eyes find yours. You guys share a brief moment before he’s blowing out his candles.
“What did you wish for?!” Hobi asks, excitement filling the room as everyone agrees that they want to know.
“Secret.” He says, still looking at you.
“Here,” Vanessa nudges a perfectly wrapped box in Jungkook’s hands, “Present.”
“You didn’t have to Vanessa.” Jungkook grins at her but he’s already unwrapping his gift, he throws the wrapping paper to the floor and takes a look at the cologne box.
“This is so expensive!” he whines, “But thank you!” He looks at you for a moment when he awkwardly pecks Vanessas lips in front of everyone.
“My turn!” Jimin shouts, “My turn, my turn!” he stands up and walks by the front door where he left the gift. He picks up the bag and walks back into the living room, standing in front of Jungkook, handing him the bag.
“You’ll love it.” Jimin wiggles his brows at the boy.
Jungkook wiggles his brows back as he opens up the bag and pulls out a black hoodie.
“Fuck yeah.” Jungkook stands up to hug Jimin, “This one is so soft.”
The rest of the gang gives Jungkook a gift one by one until all eyes are on you. Suddenly, you feel super fucking shy and lame that you got matching bracelets.
“Uh, I haven’t gotten anything for you yet…” you lie. “But I will soon, promise.”
Jungkook’s bunny smile begins to fade as he processes your words,
“No worries, y/n.” he smiles again, “You don’t have to get me anything.”
“It’s just a little late, is all.” You shift awkwardly from one foot to another. You wish you weren’t such an idiot. You notice Jimin staring at you from across the room, he looks disappointed.
“What about the bracelets y/n?” Vanessa’s voice can be heard by everyone. She looks at you with a blank expression and you never wanted to strangle someone more.
“What bracelets?” Jungkook’s curiosity showing.
“It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. They’re friendship bracelets. Such a sweet idea.” Vanessa smiles at you.
“You got me and you friendship bracelets?” Jungkook stands up and walks to you, he extends his right hand out and waits expectantly.
“Thanks Vanessa.” You deadpan.
“No problem.”
“It’s really nothing Jungkook…”
“I want the damn bracelet y/n.”
You stare at him for a moment, his big doe eyes making you feel like you must give in.
“okay, they’re in my bag…” you turn around and search for your purse. You notice Yoongi trying to hand it you and you smile at him gratefully.
“Here.” You hand him his bracelet and he inspects it, rolling it through his fingers.
“Your initial?” Jungkook clenches the bracelet in his fist and looks up at you.
“I fucking love it.” He brings the bracelet to his heart, “I will wear it every day.”
“I have one too…” you pull it from your bag and dangle in around.
“It has a J?” Jungkook bunny smile grows ten times as wide. He takes the bracelet from your fingers and chuckles at the two bracelets.
“I love it.”
“I’m glad you like it—”
“No, love it. I love…” Then he’s clearing his throat, remembering he is in a room full of people.
“Thank you.”
“Oh! There’s one more thing…” you pull out the key chain and you watch as Jungkook’s face lights up. Of course he is more excited about the key chain, you laugh.
“Fucking awesome!” Jungkook takes it from you, “I’ll put it on my keys!”
“That’s the idea,” you chuckle. “Anyway, let’s play games now.”
You and Jungkook stand at the front of the living room, in front of the T.V in battle mode.
“You’re going down Jeon.” You snicker at him, he only rolls his eyes at you as he readies himself.
“I’m just glad I’m not going against Jimin.” Jungkook shoots Jimin a look and Jimin winks.
You two have to chug an entire beer can, trying to beat the other.
“Honestly, same.” You admit, if anyone can down a drink in seconds—it’s Jimin.
Trina stands up and joins your side,
“Okay, are we ready everyone?”
Everyone begins cheering, the sound motivating you and making you feel excited.
“Okay. When I yell…BAM…you start drinking and don’t stop until that can is empty…got it?”
“Yes, we know how to chug a drink, Trina.”
“Damn girl, I was just sayin’.” Trina throws a hand on her hip, “Okay, 3…2…1…BAM!”
You and Jungkook scramble to start drinking, the chilly liquid making its way down your throats. The drink is cold and carbonated and you’re trying to ignore the way it sizzles, instead pretending it’s as smooth as water and you down it back.
“Jungkook is going to win!” Namjoon yells out, he has risen to his feet, the excitement too much.
“No, y/n is! Look how much her head it tilting back!” You hear Jin chime in.
Truth is, you aren’t really sure how much you’ve drank, or how much is left! You’re just wanting it to be over!
“Holy shit, they’re both so close!”
“Broooooooo”
And right as you’re about to finish your drink you hear the sound of a can being crushed right next to you. He won.
“WHAT’S UP…LOSER!” Jungkook shakes his empty, crushed can in your face as you finally finish your own drink.
“Okay, okay. Literally only let you win because it’s your birthday.” You snide playfully.
“Sure y/n, sure.” Jungkook grins down at you, his laughter bounces off the walls and you feel so whole when you hear the sound. He leans forward until his arms are wrapped around you in a quick yet loving hug.
“Whatever you got to say to yourself…loser.” He chuckles out, letting go of you.
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Your pout is so cute, Jungkook thinks.
Yoongi stands up, his gummy smile lighting up the room as he approaches you two. He stands next to you and asks if you’re alright.
“You’ve already had so much to drink, I’m just making sure you can make it back to the sofa.” Yoongi’s shoulders shake as he laughs.
“She can handle herself.” You hear Jungkook say in a somewhat serious tone, “She knows how to drink.” He tries to say a little more lightly.
“But she doesn’t really have to do the penalty, right?” Yoongi asks.
“No, I definitely do.” You laugh out, “Where’s the shot, huh?”
Jungkook gives you a silly looking smirk as he heads towards the kitchen to fetch you that shot. He’s only gone for a moment when you realize he has returned with the liquid of fire.
“For you, princess.”
You roll your eyes at his little nick name he’s given you but you cannot help the blush that creeps on your cheeks…
“Please…please.” You pant, rolling your hips into his as you meet his desperate thrusts.
“Please what, princess?” he breathes out heavily, “Told you that when you’re with—” He begins fucking into you faster, “When you’re with me…to use your words.” His pace is bruising, causing you to choke on the air around you.
The little nick name causing you to remember something you have tied burying.
“I think you should take one too, since it is your birthday after all.” You tease.
“But I’m the winner…” Jungkook pouts, his bottom lip jutting out so far.
“Come on, I bet you won’t.” Jimin pipes in.
“Yeah dude.” You hear Nick say.
“FINE!” Jungkook throws his hands up in defeat, “But you have to go pour it for me.” He says, looking at you.
“Done deal, baby.”
“Pour me one too.” Vanessa walks up to you, her strap on her shoulder sliding down.
“Oh?” you ask, but you nod your head in approval and head towards the kitchen to pour two more shots.
You return with the shots, but feel your stomach drop when you see Jungkook and Vanessa laughing together, her hand laying on his chest, his arm wrapped around her waist.
“Oh!” Jungkook looks at you and smiles, “The shots!”
“Yeah…”
And then Min Yoongi is at your side with his own shot, he looks at you and gives you a sweet smile and eyes full of understanding.
“Let’s take them.” He says. His hand going to yours, he squeezes it tight and you feel yourself trying to breathe.
“Here you go.” You hand the two shots to Jungkook and Vanessa, they take them and you four look at one another before raising your glasses.
“Happy birthday, Jungkook.” You whisper, taking the shot.
Hours pass, and things are starting to wind down, you think. Jin, Namjoon and Hobi are at the front door saying their goodbyes and you feel your time is coming soon too.
“Us too.” Trina says, “Our uber is almost here.” Her and Holly gather their things and make their way out the door.
“Jimin, you coming with us?” Trina asks.
“Um, what about you y/n?” Jimin makes it to your side, his hand going to rub your shoulder.
“You guys go without me, I’m going to help clean up. Hostess duties!” You salute towards your friends and they giggle.
“Okay babe, I’ll see you soon?” Jimin goes in for a tight hug and you hug him back even tighter.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll help you clean up.” Yoongi offers, but you shake your head.
“No, I couldn’t ask that. Me and Vanessa got it. You go home too, it’s so late. I will come by to see you soon though.”
“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks as he catches Jungkook watching you two. “Well, if you insist y/n.” he inches towards you and to your surprise, you feel his lips leave a small kiss on your cheek. Yoongi smirks when he sees Jungkook react. Jungkook glares at the boy and Yoongi feels like hopefully he helped enough tonight.
“What was that for?” you feel yourself turn red.
“Nothing.” He whispers before he’s turning around and walking out of the door.
You are left here shocked and confused but you cannot help but smile at Yoongi’s small gesture. He really is too sweet.
“Well,” you turn around to face Jungkook and Vanessa, “Let’s clean up,” you say to Vanessa, “And then I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Actually,” Vanessa curls her lips upwards, “I am feeling quite tired.” Her eyes find yours, “So maybe Jungkook can help you clean up.”
“You’re going home already?” Jungkook looks confused. He was probably expecting birthday sex or some shit.
“Mhm.” She breathes out easily, “See you later babe.” She leans over and pecks his cheek, you immediately twist your head to look away. Vanessa notices and she fucking smiles that sly ass smile. “See you later, y/n.”
And with that she is out of the apartment, leaving just you and Jungkook and Nick and Alien Bro.
“We will be out on the balcony smoking, if you guys want to join.” Nick offers to you, but you’re shaking your head no.
“Nah, you guys enjoy.” Jungkook says. Nick and Alien bro (You really got to learn this dudes name) are opening the back door and leaving you guys for the balcony.
“And then there was two.” Jungkook jokes, he chews on his lips as he watches you begin the cleaning up process. You get a large black trash bag and start throwing away the empty beer bottles and other trash around the living room and kitchen.
“Help me clean, birthday boy.”
Jungkook grins at you and starts helping, he’s gathering the shot glasses and setting them in the kitchen sink. You two work like this for around 10-15 minutes when the place is finally looking like his apartment again.
“Well, I guess that’s it.” You set the last trash bag in the kitchen, “You and Nick can take these out later, right?”
“Yes, y/n. You did enough, I swear.” Jungkook smiles at you. “Hey, where’s your bracelet?” he dangles his wrist around, showing you his.
“Oh…” You dig around in your pockets until you finally find the piece of jewelry.
“Let me.” Jungkook stands closer to you, reaching his hand out, expecting you to hand over the bracelet. You place it in his hand and he grabs your wrist and clips the bracelet on.
“There.” He breathes out, “Never take it off.” He half jokes.
“You really like it?”
“I really love it.” Jungkook pulls you in for a hug, but he’s letting go much faster than you would like.
“Wanna chill for a bit?” He asks you, his hands still on your arms from your hug that you just shared.
“For a bit, sure.”
You two walk to the living room sofa and plop down, the long day finally catching up to you. It’s around 1 am now, you’ve been running around all day.
“So…” Jungkook looks at you with an unreadable expression, “What’s going on with you and this Yoongi guy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Was tonight like, a date for you two?”
“What? No?”
“Really? Could of fooled me and like, everyone else.”
“He was just joking…I think.” You groan into your hands, and laugh. “Why?”
“I was just wondering.” He turns to face forward, his face hardening as he thinks. “Is he going to be like, your boyfriend?”
“What?!” you choke on your spit, “Yoongi is my friend.”
“Does he know that?” Jungkook continues to look forward, “He was all over you.”
“He definitely was not all over me. Oh my god. What are you getting so crazy for?”
Crazy. That’s the word you use, but he knows you mean jealous. Jungkook sits here, biting on his bottom lip. He has to admit, he doesn’t like this ‘crazy’ feeling. He feels like he’s suffocating just remembering you with Yoongi tonight. He has no right to feel crazy or jealous. He has a girlfriend for fucks sake!
“I just hope he’s treating you right.”
“He’s just a friend Jungkook. But you know what? And if he was trying to date me?”
Jungkook feels his chest tighten, not liking the idea already.
“Then like I said, I hope he’s treating you right.” He says more softly, turning to look at you again.
“Did you enjoy your birthday?”
“It was nice, thank you.”
“What’s your favorite birthday in your life so far?”
Jungkook tilts his head as he thinks, rocking it side to side. He folds his arms behind his head and lets out a long breath.
“There’s two I can think of.” He says, “When I was 10 all I wanted to do was see one of those drive thru zoo things. But I wasn’t expecting much because I guess birthdays and holidays were stressful for my parents…” he takes a deep breath, “they always fought so much and so I didn’t think we would be doing anything for my birthday at all. But they for once, they got along this day. They took me to the zoo and I just remember being so on edge like something may go wrong…but it never did, it was a perfect day.”
“I bet 10 year old Jungkook was so cute.”
“I was the cutest!”
“And what’s the second?”
“Sophomore year of college.” He states quickly making you choke on air. Really? That birthday of all birthdays?
“Jungkook, there has to be a better one than that…” you begin, “We literally didn’t even do anything.”
It seemed everyone happened to become busy the day of Jungkook’s birthday, everyone except you. You and Jungkook spent the day just the two of you in his dorm room watching movies and playing video games. You didn’t even buy him a present, much too broke!
“That day meant a lot to me.” Jungkook explains, “You didn’t leave my side, no matter what.”
“Well, you were my best friend.”
“And now?” Jungkook turns his head to face you, “Am I your best friend now?”
“Jungkook…” you caress his thigh, “Of course.”
Jungkook throws his head back as he smiles that bunny smile and you can’t help but giggle.
“Were you worried?”
“So worried.” He continues to laugh, “You’re my best friend too.”
~~~~~
October
“I don’t know guys!” you whine, bringing the cup of coffee in for a sip. “Marketing…can someone even be passionate about that?”
“What did I say y/n? You’re so concerned if you’re passionate or not, why don’t you start off small—finding something you just like.” Yoongi offers his piece of advice but you groan.
“What do you think Tae?” you point your head in his direction, “Wait, I am asking one of the most passionate people I know.” You complain.
“I agree with Yoongi, y/n.” Taehyung says, he drinks his water in gulps.
“Of course, who wouldn’t agree with Yoongi?” You hit your head on the table a few times.
You three are seated in Yoongi’s record shop in the cozy corner of the store, discussing the burden of dreams.
“I mean, guys.” You begin, “I don’t want to be making cookies forever.”
“But I really like them.” Yoongi whispers.
“Me too,” Taehyung says as he shoves a sugar cookie down his throat. “So good.”
“Guys, you aren’t helping.”
“Honestly y/n…” Yoongi stands from his seat to get some more coffee, “Stop trying to force a dream to happen. It will come to you naturally, just trust in that.”
“You make it sound so easy.” You hand Taehyung another cookie and he takes it with a grin.
“So y/n…” Taehyung swallows down the last bits of the cookie before he’s turning to face you in his chair, “How was Jungkook’s birthday, I forgot to ask.”
“It went really well actually.”
“Why do you say ‘actually’?” Taehyung laughs, “Were you expecting it to go bad?”
“It’s not that…I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Is it because of Vanessa?” Yoongi comes back with two fresh coffees.
“Maybe.”
“That’s his girlfriend, right? I just don’t get it. Should we come up with an evil plan to break them up?” Taehyung snickers.
“Tae, chill.” You giggle.
“I’m joking but I am also totally serious.” He comments. “Anyway guys, I gotta head back to the museum. But same time next week?”
“You know it.” You blow on your hot coffee, waving him goodbye.
The last few weeks the three of you meet up for coffee (Tae usually brings his own drink of choice, says coffee is too bitter for him) and chit chat just like now. It’s an interesting group but you feel comfortable. After time has passed, forgiving and moving on from Taehyung’s crushing you has gotten easier and now you even find his friendship to be quite valuable.
You guess they weren’t kidding when they say time heals all wounds.
“Are you two ever going to tell me what happened between you? You were so tense when he first started hanging out.” Yoongi says, observant as usual.
“I will. But another day,” you smile.
“No rush.” Yoongi drinks his coffee slowly, “Whenever you’re ready.”
“By the way, did it work?” Yoongi asks between sips.
You can’t help but raise your brows in question,
“Did what work?”
“Did Jungkook say anything? About being jealous?” He gives you a smirk.
“What are you talk—wait, were you purposely trying to be affectionate with me to see if Jungkook would get a rise out of it?” You ask, completely shocked. That seems almost out of character for Yoongi!
“I tried. I’m a little awkward being the first to show affection, “ he admits, “But for you, my friend, I was willing to try.” He gives you a shy smile and you feel your heart race.
“Yoongi—”
“You really don’t even have to answer because I know the truth. I could see it on his face, but I was curious if he said anything to you.”
You think back to Jungkook’s birthday and well…he technically did say something to you. He was being a little crazy (jealous) but you cannot understand why. Jungkook is your friend and not to mention he has a girlfriend.
“Sorry to disappoint Yoongs, but he did not.” You decide to say.
“Did you know you avoid all eye contact when you want to lie.” Yoongi takes another sip of his coffee, his sly smile telling you he knows the truth.
“Jeez, why do you pick up on things so quickly?!” you groan, “I can’t even tell one little nothing lie in front of you.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t try to lie to me then.” He laughs. “So what did he say?”
“He just—I don’t know. He just…wanted to know what was up with you basically.”
Yoongi opens his mouth to say ‘Ah’ and then continues to drink his coffee.
“He’s not going to be rude to you or anything!” you quickly say, “he’s just a little protective over me, is all.”
“Oh? That’s all?” Yoongi teases.
“Hey…” you set your cup down and fold your hands in your lap, “What makes you think Jungkook feels the same way?”
Yoongi breathes out slowly, his fingers tapping against his mug when he looks up at you and smiles.
“There’s an obvious tension between you two, “ he starts, “The way he looks at you. That honestly gave everything away. His eyes always find you, no matter what.” Yoongi quietly chuckles, “The way he’s threatened by me. He doesn’t even try to hide it.” Yoongi thinks for a moment, “And…you two, the way you are together…god, it’s like watching two people who are in a relationship but don’t know they’re in a relationship.”
“What—what do you mean by that?” you pry further. Curious about your own dynamic with Jungkook that maybe even you can’t see.
“I don’t know like, you guys act like boyfriend and girlfriend already!” he laughs, “That’s when I knew I didn’t stand a chance.”
“Yoongi…”
“It’s okay,” his gummy smile lights up his whole face, “being your friend has been so much more rewarding.”
You feel yourself smile at his words…although, you do feel bad. But keeping a friend like Yoongi around has been amazing. And maybe if you weren’t already in love with someone else…no, you shouldn’t even think that, that’s not fair.
“Thanks Yoongs.”
~~~~~~
“We need to talk.”
Jimin is shoving his way through Jungkook’s front door, his hair pushed back in frustration like his fingers have been running through it for hours.
“Jesus man, it’s like 8 in the fucking morning.” Jungkook’s low, groggy voice booms from his chest.
“This couldn’t wait. I have to be at work at 9 and I’ve been up all night with the same one thing on my mind.” Jimin takes off his shoes and makes his way to the couch.
“And what’s that?” Jungkook asks, clearly annoyed.
“You need to tell y/n how you feel.” Jimin decides to go with the straight forward approach, he does not have the time to beat around the bush today.
Jungkook closes the door and swings around to face Jimin,
“Huh?”
“Listen man, I’ve been racking my brain about it all fucking night. It’s got to be you. You have to do it, she won’t.”
“Why the fuck would I do that?”
“Grow the fucking balls, man!” Jimin sits back on the sofa, his head falling into the cushion.
“Look dude, I don’t know what you—”
“You’re in love with her, you have been since freshmen year. You guys fucked, I know. She didn’t talk to you for however long, I know that too. But come on man, it’s so clear how you both feel.”
Jungkook continues to stand here, not knowing what to say. Where is all this coming from?
“I have a girlfriend, Jimin.”
“Oh please, give me a fucking break.” Jimin stands up, walking towards Jungkook. “There is almost zero chemistry between you two. Like emotional chemistry…I don’t know what your sex life is like…” Jimin holds up a hand, “And I don’t want to know.”
“Wasn’t going to tell you anyway,” Jungkook pouts. “Listen, how can you be so sure y/n would even feel the same way?”
“Can’t you just fucking trust me?” Jimin yells out, exasperated.
“Did she say the words Jimin?” Jungkook becomes very serious, making Jimin shudder. “Did she tell you she has feelings for me?” his dark eyes pierce into Jimin’s.
Jimin looks down at the ground, feeling defeated.
“You know I can’t tell you that.” Jimin finally says, “You just have to have the courage man. Are you really going to go your whole life not telling her? Why torture yourself like that?”
Jungkook stands here feeling so lost, and fucking emotional. Like, he could god damn cry about it.
“Because,” Jungkook sniffles into his sleeve. “It’s guaranteed she would be in my life. I can’t risk losing her. I couldn’t handle that man…” Jungkook begins to choke up.
Jimin walks closer to Jungkook and pulls him in for a tight hug, Jungkook keeps his arms to his side.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Jimin whispers.
“I think though…that there will be a moment where you finally have the courage…”
“I don’t know.”
“You will, Jungkook. When the timing is right…but I don’t know when that is for you two.”
“I really do love her…” Jungkook allows a few tears to slip from his closed eyes into Jimin’s shoulder. “I’m so frustrated like, all the time.” He admits, “Seeing her, talking to her, I just want to tell her how I feel. I hate how hard I have to try just to stay in the zone of friendship. But you don’t understand the risk…” Jungkook leans back, pulling away from Jimin. “If she doesn’t feel the same, I could lose her.” His puffy eyes avoid Jimin. “Can I handle a loss like that again?”
“But she…” Jimin has to bite his tongue…seeing his two best friends like this hurts his heart beyond belief.
“Yeah, I understand.” Jimin decides to say, “But I think you might be surprised.”
Jungkook pulls his brows together, his face scrunching up and he scoffs.
“Maybe, but maybe not.”
“I’m sorry to bring this all on you so early in the morning…I’ve just been so worried about you two…” Jimin starts to put his shoes back on.
“Maybe you could stay until you really need to leave for work? You still go like 45 minutes, right?” Jungkook practically begs with sad, soft eyes.
“Sure.” Jimin takes his shoes back off and grabs a hold of Jungkook’s shoulder, “Let’s sit down for a while.”
The two boys head to the couch and take a seat, leaving little space between them. Jungkook needs the presence of another human being right now, he needs to feel real live warmth. Jimin wishes he could mend Jungkook’s cracked heart but he knows only you can do that. But Jimin can try his best. The two sit in comfortable silence, the only sound that can be heard is Jungkook’s light sniffling and Jimin humming a soft tune.
“It’s almost 9.” Jimin mentions regretfully.
“I know. Thanks for staying for a bit.”
“Of course.” Jimin rises from the couch, “You guys are my best friends but you two sure are fucking idiots.” He smiles and makes his way to leave.
~~~~~~
Bored. So fucking bored. Trina and Holly went out for dinner tonight and you were not invited! You kind of wonder what’s going on between them…but that’s a thought for another day, right now you are so fucking bored.
It’s Friday night and you don’t know what to do with yourself. Jimin has some party he’s going to tonight but you didn’t really feel like going so you rejected his invitation, Jin and the guy’s invited you over for a cookout but you said no because you didn’t feel like driving all the way to Jin’s place—you know, lazy.
And you haven’t heard from Jungkook all day so he’s probably tired from work or worse—with Vanessa. But would it hurt to try? To see what he’s up to?
y/n 9:04pm
hi
Jungkook 9:10pm
Hi
y/n 9:12pm
Whatcha up to tonight?
Jungkook 9:13pm
Nothing really, you?
y/n 9:13pm
nothing either…
y/n 9:13pm
Wanna have a movie night with some wine?
Jungkook 9:20pm
Sure:)
Jungkook 9:23pm
Lemme guess, I have to bring the wine
y/n 9:23pm
Bingo!
Jungkook 9:50pm
I’m almost there
Not even 5 minutes later you hear your door being knocked on, and you yell a ‘come in’. Jungkook pushes the door open and finds you sitting on the couch wrapped up in your favorite blanket. He shuts the door behind him, and walks to the kitchen for some wine glasses. You two only nod at one another in greeting, getting comfortable in each others presence.
“I brought 2 bottles,” Jungkook says, “One for you, one for me.”
“Wow, you’re so smart.” You smile up at him and his heart clenches in his chest. Your smile is so special, it’s so soft and so fucking pretty he almost cannot handle it.
“Y-Yeah.” He sets the glasses down on the table that sits in front of the sofa. “What movie do you have in mind?”
“You can choose.”
“Iron Man?”
“No, not that.”
“Fine.” He pouts, “Let’s find something new on Netflix.”
An hour into some random drama, you find yourself getting sleepy.
“Wakey wakey.” You feel Jungkook’s breath on your ear, you open your eyes a little wider to prove your consciousness.
“I am awake…hey,” you suddenly get an idea, “Remember a little while ago you said you felt like our friendship kind of started over?”
“Hm? Yeah?”
“Would if we do?”
“I don’t get it?” Jungkook asks clearly confused.
“Let’s play a game! Of getting to know each other better. Everything out on the table.” You say with a pleased smile, obviously loving your own idea.
“hmmmmm…” Jungkook wraps his blanket closer around his body, “Sure.”
“Yay! I’ll pull out a list of questions from the internet.” You get your phone and google a list of questions. “You ready?” you say with a wink.
“I guess so.” He playfully shrugs his shoulders and shows you a small smile.
“Okay one…What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?”
“hmm…sleeping in, working out, playing video games, making videos, sleeping some more, hanging out with you.”
“Wow, honored.” You tease. “For me, it’s sleeping all day.”
“That’s it? That’s your whole answer?” Jungkook giggles.
“What type of music are into to?”
“y/n…” Jungkook whines, “You already know these answers…”
“We’re pretending we don’t!”
“Fine, I like almost all genres but I really prefer ballads.”
“I like music with meaningful lyrics,” you say.
“I agree.” Jungkook grins at you.
“Next…Do you have a favorite holiday. Why or why not?”
Jungkook nibbles on his lips as he thinks…is he honest?
“I use to hate holidays.” He admits softly, slightly slurring thanks to the wine, “But now it’s Christmas and New Year’s. And why? Both reasons are because of you.”
You feel your cheeks become warmer and probably pinker.
“Mine too.” You say quickly, “Next,” you are in a rush to change the subject. “Do you want a family of your own?”
“One day, yes. With the right person…”
“I’m the same.” You scroll through the questions, “If you had only one sense…hearing, touch, sight, etc, which would you want?”
“Touch. Imagine not being able to feel things?” Jungkook asks, he thinks about not being able to feel the soft touch of sheets on a bed, the feel of your hair between his fingers, your skin, your lips—wait, he needs to chill. “Yeah, touch.”
“Really? I would choose sight.” You say, “Who do you admire most in this world?”
“Mom.” Jungkook whispers, “She was so strong, she went through so much yet still found the strength to love me.”
“You.” Your hand finds Jungkook’s, you hold on to him softly, “My answer is you.”
“y/n…” Jungkook leans into your side, “Thank you.”
You clear you throat and continue scrolling through your phone, looking for the next question.
“If you found out today is your last day on Earth, what would you do?”
“Exactly what I’m doing right now.”
“Honestly? Me too.” You whisper, you feel your heart beginning to race as you and Jungkook admit that if it were your last day, you would spend it together. Somehow the thought almost seems romantic to you…that’s obviously your imagination but you can dream.
“What’s the last thing you do at night?”
Jungkook wiggles his brows at you and you hit his arm, laughing.
“Gross.” You giggle. “Something besides that.”
“What? You think it’s gross to mast—”
“Don’t!” you yell out laughing. “Don’t be gross.”
“Everyone does it y/n…I bet even you.” Jungkook voice goes low. “in fact, I have a question for you.” Jungkook scoots closer to you, “When was the last time you got yourself off?” your eyes go wide, “It’s not like you’re seeing anyone…unless you and Yoon—”
“No!” You begin to panic, “I’m not seeing anyone, you’re right.”
Jungkook releases a long breath and he smiles, “Thought so.” Then he’s scooting even closer to you.
“How do you touch yourself y/n?” He slurs out, “With your fingers only? Perhaps you use a vibrator?”
You push your head back in shock, there’s no way in hell Jungkook just asked you that? Is he drunk? Barely.
“Why do you want to know that?” you scoot a little closer to him too.
“Best friends know this type of stuff about each other all the time, don’t they?”
“Not really…but I’ll play. I use both.”
Jungkook raises a brow in amusement, he bites on his bottom lip as his smirks at you.
“You own a vibrator?” Jungkook chuckles darkly, “How come I didn’t know?”
“Why would I tell you that?”
“I bet Jimin knows.”
“Fine, he does.”
Jungkook narrows his eyes at you as he tries to hold in his slight laughter, his hand comes to his mouth and he chuckles into it.
“Thought so…when’s the last time you used it?”
“Last night before bed.”
“So, it’s the last thing you did at night?” Jungkook points his finger at you knowingly and you can’t help but laugh.
“Okay, I see where this is going. Fine, I get. We all masturbate. It’s completely normal and not gross and a totally valid answer for something you do before bed.” You throw your hands up as you giggle.
“Thank you.” Jungkook knees touch yours as he scoots just an inch closer, “But I wasn’t trying to make a point, I was genuinely curious about you.” He admits in a deep voice and you squeeze your thighs together, an action that does not go unnoticed by him. His eyes land to your lap and he chuckles. His voice is so low and inviting as he speaks, “Are you curious about me too?”
“What do you mean?”
“About when’s the last time I—”
“Fine, when’s the last time?” you ask lightly.
“Right before I came here.” He admits easily.
“Interesting.”
You and Jungkook stare at one another for what feels like at least an hour but in reality probably seconds. But his dark gaze is so raw and powerful, you find yourself leaning into his space.
“The last time I used my vibrator was yes, last night. But the last time I touched myself was tonight. Before you arrived.”
Jungkook nods his head in understanding, or maybe it’s approval? Either way he nods his head as a sly smile creeps on his lips.
“Can I ask you what you thought about?” Even Jungkook widens his eyes in surprise as he asks that. Where did that confidence come from? “Sorry that’s TMI.” He quickly rushes to say, not wanting to really hear your answer because he shouldn’t know what you fantasize about especially if he’s not in said fantasies.
You lean your head back and snicker. You wish you had the fucking courage to tell him the truth. Him. You thought about him.
In your fantasy his head was between your legs, licking you up and making you squirm. He would moan into your greedy cunt, basking in your juices. God, you can just picture it now. His mouth and nose covered in you, the shine on his face evidence of how well he’s eaten you. His fingers still buried inside you as he lifts his head up to smirk down at you, his hair a fucking mess from how much you have tugged on it.
You’d be lying if you said you weren’t thinking about it right now and getting so heavily turned on. Your chest heaves just a little more than usual, and there’s an ache between your legs that you wish Jungkook would soothe. Your fantasy of him going down on you? You took that straight from your memories.
“Not going to say anything?” Jungkook leans in a little closer.
“Sorry, just thinking.”
“About…?”
“You.”
Jungkook’s eyes expand as he processes what you just say until—
“Wait, wait. That came out wrong.” Your hands scramble to hold on to his shoulders. “I mean, I was thinking about you. But not like that.” You lie. Because you have to lie.
“Oh…right, that makes sense.” Jungkook visibly deflates at your confession.
“Anyway, yeah. That’s a TMI for sure.” You laugh awkwardly and Jungkook leans back away from you.
“For sure.” Jungkook leans back on the sofa, “So, what’s the next question?”
“Ever had a threesome?” you ask from your own brain.
“You already know I have.”
“With two girls or with another guy…?”
“Two girls.”
“Would you ever with another guy?”
“Maybe if it’s with a girl that doesn’t mean something to me…but if it’s with someone I care about, probably not. I think I may be too possessive. Don’t wanna share.”
“Ah, I see.”
“What about you?”
“I would do both.” You admit. “Sounds like fun…”
“It is fun,” Jungkook laughs, “But there’s something special about just being with one person, if it’s special…”
“Have you ever had sex with someone special?”
“Yes.”
Oh. Jungkook’s never been in a serious relationship since you’ve known him so you weren’t expecting him to answer that with a yes…but he is with Vanessa now. So obviously…
“I see.”
“What’s the next question?”
“I’m looking up a new list. It’s kind of sexy, is that okay?”
“A list of dirty questions? I’m down.” Jungkook smirks and you feel the heat between your legs grow.
“Okay the first one is asking if you’re a virgin and I think the whole town knows the answer to that…”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?!”
You laugh out, “Nothing, nothing.” Then continue scrolling, “Okay, opinion on shower sex?”
“Hmm, I’ve done, and I will do it again.”
“For me, it’s a little uncomfortable but I’ll do it,” you say, “boob or butt guy?”
“Fuck. Both of them, can I say both?” Jungkook pleads and you giggle.
“Sure, both.” Your eyes light up when you find the next question. “Oooh. What is your most embarrassing sex story?”
“Oh god…okay. When I was in high school I was getting head from this girl…”
“Uh huh…and then?”
“We got caught by our teacher and that’s a total mood killer right?”
“Right?”
“Well, when the teacher was scolding me I popped another boner. And I was wearing sweats so it was super obvious and she was trying so hard not to make it obvious. But I don’t know, my body betrayed me.”
“You got hard from getting scolded?”
“Apparently.”
You burst out into giggles, the story absolutely killing you. Who does that? Who pops a boner from getting scolded…by their fucking teacher?
“Your turn, your turn.”
“Okay…one time I was giving head…”
“Uh huh…and then?” he copies you.
“And I guess I swallowed his cum too fast because it shot out of my nose like milk.”
“What the fuck y/n.” Jungkook laughs out hysterically. “That’s so awesome.”
“It wasn’t awesome Jungkook, it was embarrassing.”
“Perspective.”
“In what world is someone’s perspective on this awesome?”
“Mine.”
“Well, you’re fucking weird.
“Maybe so.” Jungkook continues to laugh, “What’s next?”
“Do you prefer to give or receive?”
“Who doesn’t love to receive? That’s obvious. But me? I am a giver, 100%”
And he’s right. Hence why you’re able to use the memory of him going down on you as good masturbation material.
“I see.”
“I think I am a giver too.” You look down at your phone, “But who doesn’t love to receive?”
“You do give nicely.” Jungkook whispers, “Anyway what’s the next one?”
“Do you like sexting?”
“Fucking love it. I love the dirty words and pictures.” He admits.
“Yeah, me too.”
What would it be like to be texting Jungkook throughout the work day, sending one another your dirtiest fantasies and pictures to go along with it.
“I’ll read the next one now…If I came home from work stressed, how you do you relax me?” your eyes go wide when you realize, “Wait, pretends it’s asking about someone else. So a girl you’re with comes home from work stressed, how do you relax her?”
Jungkook is quiet for a few moments, he chews on his bottom lip and breathes out heavily.
“How would I relax you? I mean, some girl?”
“Y-Yes.”
“First, I would kiss you breathless.”
“You mean her.”
“Right. I would kiss her lips over and over, taking off one article of clothing at a time, sit her down on the couch while I make my way into the kitchen…pour her a glass of her favorite wine and hand it to her. Then I would kiss down her body, telling her sweet words. How much I love her, how much I missed her today, how much she means to me. I will kiss down until I am taking off her pants along with her underwear…”
“And then?” you breathe out.
“Kiss her sweet, soft skin…taste her. Taste how fucking good she tastes. Eat her out while she sips on her wine…”
“Oh nice.” You laugh a little.
“Make her come all over my tongue, getting her drunk on her orgasm.”
“And her wine.” You point out.
“Yes, both. After she comes, I will kiss back up her body and hold her.” Jungkook releases short breath after the other. “Make her feel wanted.”
“That does sound relaxing…”
“You like?”
“Yes.”
“Then maybe—”
“Next question is ‘What turns you on almost instantly?”
“Dirty talk.”
“I see.”
“What—”
“You have to answer too, remember?”
“My stomach being touched.” You admit. “How do you feel about toys?”
“Not against them, could be fun to try out.”
“I agree…how do you feel about blindfolds?”
“You answer first.” Jungkook says shyly.
“I’m into it.”
“Being blinded? Or blinding someone?”
“Both? Yes, both.”
“Fuck, me too.” He folds his arms behind him as he leans back further into the sofa.
“Both for you too?”
“Yes. It would be boring if I was only into one thing right?”
You laugh, “Yes, I think we think similarly.”
“Interesting.”
“Very.” You smile at him and he smirks, “Would you like to watch me touch myself?”
“Yes—”
“—Wait, like your partner, not me.” You both say at the same time.
“Oh, well yes.” Jungkook says again. “Watching your fingers travel down to your pussy, rubbing your clit…well, not you but you get my point.” He says, his breathing becoming heavy again.
“Oh. I would also like to watch you.”
“But not me.”
“Exactly.”
“Spit or swallow?”
“I like a girl who swallows.”
“I like to swallow most times and if I don’t swallow it’s because I’m letting the guy come on my face or my tits or—”
“God damn it, y/n.” Jungkook breathes out erratically. His hand goes to his crotch as he tries to hide his growing member.
“Rough or sensual?”
“Fuck. Both, definitely both.”
“I agree. Why not both all the time?” you squeeze your thighs together again as you watch Jungkook shift uncomfortably in his seat on the couch.
“Would you let me pleasure you as you drive? I mean, your partner. Sorry it’s just the way the questions read…”
“Yes. I would.”
“Seems a bit unsafe…but I would give it a try.” You say, “Do you like your hair to be pulled?” you ask with a smirk, already knowing the answer.
“Fucking love it.” He admits between heavy breaths, “But I like to pull hair too.” He winks.
“I do too, but I prefer being the one pulling.” You wink back. “Are you quiet during sex?”
“I—I don’t know…Am I?” Jungkook looks into your eyes, and you blank. Is he actually referring to the time you two had sex? Without him getting weird?
“You aren’t the quietest.” You admit, “But it’s so fucking hot.”
“Well, you definitely aren’t quiet.” He says, “Can barely touch you and you’re already whimpering out.”
“Depends who the guy is.”
“Well, when it’s with me…sorry, I shouldn’t bring that up.”
“Right…” your fingers find their way into Jungkook’s hair, “But why not?”
“y/n…” he warns and you chuckle.
“What?” you decide to play innocent. “It was so long ago, Jungkook. We should be able to talk about it by now.”
But Jungkook can’t. Because although it’s almost been 4 years, it’s still so fresh for him. Not just the feeling of being inside you but the emotional shit he was feeling too.
“I’ll tell you one thing and one thing only about that night,” Jungkook decides to say, his hand goes to yours and gently places it back in your lap. “It felt so fucking good.” He whispers out and you feel all the heat in your body rush to your aching pussy.
“Oh.” You breathe out erratically. “I guess, I would have to agree.”
“Should we sleep soon?” Jungkook leans back as he asks you this.
“Don’t you want me to share one thing about that night?”
“…Sure.”
“You…felt so…good…inside me…” you say between deep breaths.
“You felt even better, y/n.”
It’s Saturday morning, and you find yourself waking up on the couch, a big blanket draped around your body and you can’t help but snuggle into it, not wanting to get up quite yet.
On the other side of the couch is a still sleeping Jungkook, his light snores filling your ears. You two didn’t even finish your wine last night, so you are waking up hang over free. The sun is shining today, it’s rays peeking through your window blinds and you want to throw the blanket over your head to hide yourself from the brightness but you decide to actually wake up and get up instead.
You throw the blanket off your body and on to Jungkook, who gratefully takes it and cuddles deeper into the covers. You stand up and head towards the bathroom to wash up, turning on a hot shower.
You wonder what you’ll be up to today, will you stay in? Go out? Hang with the girls? By the way, did they ever come home last night? You stop by Holly’s room to find it empty. Interesting, you guess they went to Trina’s.
The shower is ready for you so you slip in and let the warm water cascade over your tired body. You shampoo, condition and wash your body, when you hear insistent knowing on the bathroom door.
“y/n!!! I gotta pee!!” Jungkook’s worried voice is heard over the running water, “That’s it, I’m coming in okay?!”
And before you can respond, you hear the door being swung open and Jungkook lifting the toilet seat lid up and releasing himself. You fucking laugh. He literally says ‘Aaahhh’ for the same amount of time he is peeing.
“Fucking finally, I thought I was going to piss myself.” He says when he’s finishing up.
“Sorry.” You reply lamely. “Shower felt too good to leave.”
“Well, hurry up so we can go get something to eat. I’m so hungry!”
“Okay, okay.” And with that, Jungkook is leaving the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
You finish washing up, stepping out of the shower and drying off. You quickly leave the bathroom in just your towel to head to your bedroom. Thankfully, Jungkook is on the couch watching some show on Netflix—too busy to notice your half naked state.
You get dressed in a rush, not wanting Jungkook to wait much longer for you. You settle for some jeans and a cute yellow shirt.
“I like yellow on you.” Jungkook says when he sees you. “Pretty.”
You are sure your cheeks are turning a nice shade of red at his compliment but you cover them with your hands to hide yourself.
“Thanks JK.”
#bts#bts smut#bts fluff#bts angst#jeon jungkook#jungkook x reader#jungkook smut#jungkook angst#jungkook fluff
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Slow Hands
Steve Rogers x Reader AU
Run-through: Tony Stark found you while on a mission one day, since then he raised you as his own daughter. Most of the Avengers knew nothing about you, because Tony was so protective over you that he kept you sheltered and cut off from most of the outside world almost all the time. The few people who knew about you were Nat and Steve. And they adored you, even though you were a whiny baby most of the time despite being a young adult. However, somewhere in his all righteous, super soldier heart, hidden in a shadowy chamber beneath all the courage, loyalty and bravery - Steve Rogers nurtured his immoral, sinful desires for you. He was a composed man, and he thought he could keep it all hidden, in complete secrecy and perhaps never let his improper feelings show. But that was until he no longer could…
Themes: fluff, smut, age gap
“Steve!” you shouted in excitement, almost running to the front door to greet your favorite super soldier.
His laughter filled the entire house as you jumped into his arms, wrapping your arms around him and gave him the tightest hug you could. “Hey doll! Happy Birthday!” He wished you, returning the same excitement you showed him.
You pulled away from the hug, smiling as big as you could. His deep, ocean blue eyes looked down at you in awe.
“Well I’m not jealous at all. Not even one bit.” A voice spoke from behind Steve.
Steve moved to the side and your face lit up again at the sight of Natasha standing there with the biggest teddy bear you had ever seen under her arm. She gave you her signature smirk and you went in for a tight hug.
“Nat! I missed you!” You whispered against her hair. She chuckled and kissed the side of your head.
She pulled away smiling, “Don’t lie, we all know you only ever miss Steve.” She teased and walked past you and Steve and further into your home.
Once she was gone, you immediately grabbed Steve’s hands and led him inside the lavish living room.
“You just turned twenty one, doll. Are you excited?” Steve asked, letting his attentive gaze roam all over you. Something about you always made his body tingle with excitement.
You looked adorable, he thought, as always. The blue dress looked perfect on you, and as much as he tried to fight the urge to look down at your chest, he couldn’t. He felt something stir inside him the more he looked at you. So he looked away.
“I don’t know. Being a grown up is scary.” You answered, mindlessly playing with Steve’s fingers as you walked into the spacious living room.
“Hey,” Steve said gently, turning his body towards you. He carefully cupped your face to make sure he has your undivided attention, “You don’t have to worry about anything. We’re all here for you.” He meant that with all his heart. “I’m here for you, I’ll keep you safe.”
You smiled up at him and went in for another bone crushing hug. “Thank you Steve.” You mumbled against his chest.
Steve kissed the top of your head and wrapped his arms around you. He could feel your body heat pressing up against him - and his mind went straight to filth. He couldn’t help it, he tried. He always tried to suppress what he felt for you and hide it beneath many, many layers but he could never truly get over you.
Steve met you for the first time just a few weeks after you turned 18. Because that’s when him and Nat finally figured out what secret Tony had been hiding for so many years. It was you; you were the perfectly hidden secret that Tony kept away from the rest of the world. The adopted, darling daughter of Tony Stark.
Tony was very much protective of you. You only ever left the house when accompanied by someone. You were very much sheltered too. Too innocent for your own good. Shortly after Steve met you he realized that you were void of all the sinful things which filled the heads of most young adults your age. You were a perfect, pure little princess who was needy and playful but also more beautiful and feminin than any woman Steve had ever met.
He was whipped, gone. You had him wrapped around your little finger and he wasn’t even complaining. He caught feelings pretty quickly for you, thinking it was nothing Steve thought he would get over it soon. But here he was now, years later and still feeling the same way.
He knew he couldn’t be with you, Tony would kill him. But at the same time, the thought of you with someone else enraged him. He couldn’t bear the thought of another man touching you like he couldn’t. Something in him flipped like a switch when it came to you; he no longer wanted to be just or brave or be the hero or the knight which saved everyone.
With you, he felt something much stronger, darker. The need to protect, the need to be territorial. To be selfish, and keep you all to himself. All his righteousness faded into sin around you. Secretly, he liked how everyone knew that he was your favorite. He liked how whenever you were being difficult, Tony would always call him for help to deal with you. He liked how even with other people around, you chose to stick to his side like his shadow.
He loved it, loved you.
-
“Okay honey, make a wish.” Tony spoke as soon as he finished lighting up all the candles. Twenty one of them.
You were so excited, on your tiptoes as you closed your eyes and thought of a wish and right as you bent to blow your candles, the sound of the AI alerting something urgent was heard. You looked at Steve, a little nervous, and he was by your side in less than a second.
“It’s okay, princess. It’s okay, it’s probably nothing.” He whispered, wrapping a protective arm around you while Tony and Nat were looking into what information they had just received.
And judging by the look on your dad’s face, you could tell something bad had happened somewhere in the world, and they needed him to fix it. Which meant that you would have to spend the rest of your birthday evening all alone in this big, empty house.
“You have to go to work?” You asked Tony, tears already forming at your waterline. You sounded hurt and heartbroken.
Tony walked over to you and pulled you into his arms. Steve had to hide how he hated having to let go of you, as he took a few steps back to let Tony hug you. “I’m sorry, honey. But people need help right now.” He whispered into your hair. “I have to go.”
Steve noticed that Nat was already gone, probably getting the Jet or calling the rest of the team for backup. Part of him knew that duty came first and he hated how he’d have to leave you.
You pulled away from Tony’s hug, “You’re all gonna leave me alone on my birthday?” You asked, looking so broken that Tony felt his world breaking apart. He looked past you and his eyes landed on Steve.
“No,” Tony answered, “Steve will be here keeping you company and keeping you safe until I return. Okay?” Tony knew that you loved spending time with Steve more than anything, and he knew that your mood would get a little better upon hearing that. “Right Steve?”
Steve was surprised. It’s not that the team wouldn’t be able to manage without him, but he truly wasn’t expecting this.
“Yeah. Of course,” he spoke as you turned to face him with tears in your eyes. He reached out and gently wiped a tear away. “Don’t cry princess, I’ll be here with you. Let Tony go, he’ll be back before you even know it.”
You sniffled, weighing it out. Hmm, spending time with Steve was your favorite thing to do. But that would mean having to let your dad go. You hated it when Tony went away on missions. But you also knew that this was important. This was his job as Earth’s best defender after all.
“Fine,” you mumbled, a little grumpy.
Tony gave you a kiss on the forehead and apologized and promised to make it up to you when he came back, and left.
-
Within the next half an hour, Tony and Nat were gone. You watched the Jet take off from your bedroom’s balcony, tears streaming down your face. You hoped and prayed that they came back home safe but you were also hurt and angry that they left you on your birthday.
You stared at the night sky until the Jet could no longer be seen, then you walked back into your room and angrily started undressing, murmuring under your breath, “Stupid, stupid, stupid! Stupid dress! Stupid cake! Stupid birthday!” you got stuck in your dress because of the zipper and that’s when you started sobbing.
Steve heard you crying and hurried his way upstairs and into your room. He found you knelt on the ground, on your soft rug, crying. Your dress was almost off but not quite, stuck around your hips, exposing your entire upper body. He pretended not to see the black, lace bodysuit you were left in. Your hair was a slight mess and the teddy bear that Nat gave you was thrown carelessly on the ground. Steve approached you with caution.
“Hey princess,” he spoke softly. Your hands covered your face but he could tell you were silently crying. “What’s wrong? Don’t you wanna go downstairs? We can have a movie night, and there’s so much cake-,”
You cut him off with a calm, yet bitter tone. “I don’t want that stupid fucking cake. I don’t want a stupid fucking party. I want my dad, and Nat.” You sniffled. “But where are they? Right, out saving the fucking world because people need them. Well I need them too.” You sniffled again. “Throw that stupid fucking cake away!” You raised your voice by the end.
“Hey!” Steve grabbed both your hands and pulled them away from your face. His heart broke at the sight of your teary eyes. “I know you’re upset, but watch your language.”
You lowered your eyes in shame. “Sorry.” You mumbled.
Steve settled down on your rug, leaning against your bed as he gently pulled you onto his lap. You happily settled on his thighs, like you had many times before. And he noticed that you didn’t seem to mind your semi nudity.
Steve placed his hands on your thighs, rubbing them gently. He reached behind your back and unzipped the dress fully so you could take it off. You tossed the dress aside and Steve watched how you purposely threw it and made sure that it landed on the teddy; Nat’s gift to you.
“That wasn’t nice.” Steve pulled your closer, praying to God that you don’t notice his erected cock pressing against you.
“I hate it.” You mumbled, crossing your arms over your chest and huffing in anger.
“No you don’t.” Steve fought back a chuckle. “You’re adorable when you’re angry.” The correct word would be ‘smoking hot’ but he knew he couldn’t say that out loud. But fuck did you look hot.
You glared at him through your lashes and he could no longer hold back the chuckle.
“Oh come on. There’s so much we can do.” He tried to get you in a better mood. And there was one thing which worked each time, “You want ice-cream?”
The minute he said that, your face lit up in excitement. “Yes please!” You bounced with excitement right on his lap and Steve had to fight back the urge to lean in and kiss the living hell out of you.
“Alright then,” he tried to ignore the way his body was begging for you. “Wait right here, I’ll go get you some.”
Steve walked out and was back in less than five minutes. He wondered if you had gotten dressed in the meantime but when he walked back into your room; you were just as he left you. Half naked on the floor, waiting patiently, sat on your fluffy rug.
“There you go,” as he handed you your tub of ice-cream and sat down next to you he also noticed that the teddy that Nat had given you was no longer on the floor but perfectly placed on your bed. He was right after all, you didn’t hate it. “Wanna watch a movie?” he turned to look at you and found you with a mouth full of rich, chocolate ice-cream.
You nodded.
Steve couldn’t sit still. The sounds of your moans of delight after each spoonful of ice-cream was driving him insane. And you weren’t doing it on purpose either. But he was falling apart, he could no longer maintain his calm and composure.
He had to do something to get you to stop before he loses it. “Okay now, that’s enough. You’re gonna get sick.” He took the spoon and the half-empty tub from you and you groaned.
“But-,”
“No,” he set it aside, looking at the mess you made with ice-cream all over yourself; somehow all over your lips and chin. “You’re a mess, princess.” He said, looking at you lovingly.
You felt the sudden need to get on his lap again, so you did, probably high off all the sugar. You straddled his thighs and scooted closer to him. “Clean it.” You demanded, playfully.
You caught Steve by surprise. His arms wrapped around you instinctively but he was still a little surprised by your behavior. “Okay,” he reached out and wiped the sides of your mouth with his thumb and then he got lost in your eyes and before he knew it, he began leaning in.
Your lips met his halfway, and while he was still surprised he kissed you gently; testing the waters. You kissed him back, slowly. Steve smirked through the kiss and deepened it while he gently laid you down on the fluffy rug, on your back. He hovered above you, your legs wrapped around his waist. He nibbled on your lip, tugging on it before slipping his tongue past your lips. You moaned, letting him do what he wanted.
Steve’s heart raced in his chest as he pulled away to look down into your eyes. He then saw the wild look in your eyes. Had you always looked at him with that look in your eyes?
“Hey,” he said softly, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “What’s that look for?” He couldn’t help but ask.
Your face felt really hot for a moment, then you answered, shyly, “I… I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”
Steve’s eyes widened in surprise. Then he chuckled, “Is that so?”
You nodded quickly. And Steve leaned in for another kiss; he kissed you with all he had. He had dreamt of kissing you so, so many times. But not once had he ever thought that it would be on your bedroom floor, on your pink rug.
You could feel his hunger through his kiss. Your hands gently cupped his face to pull him closer when he tried to pull away. Steve smiled and kissed you with more passion and he didn’t stop until you pulled away to take a breath.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” he asked, looking down at you and wondering if this was truly happening. You got shy and tried to hide your face but he wouldn’t let you. “No no, answer me princess.”
You told him the truth. “I was… scared that you didn’t… that you wouldn’t- I was scared that you wouldn’t believe me if I told you how I feel.”
It was true. Ever since you met Steve, you have had a secret crush on him which morphed into something so much more over time. No one knew, it was your little secret. Although, not so much anymore.
Steve fought the need to smirk. “And how do you feel?”
You released the lip you had in between your teeth. “Right now, tingly.”
Steve smirked. “Show me where, princess.”
You grabbed his hand, the one which gently touched your face and you guided it down till in between your legs. “Here.” You were almost breathless.
He immediately cupped your core, applying just the right amount of pressure against your throbbing clit. He chuckled before leaning in to kiss along your jaw, whispering sinfully, “Mind if I touch you?”
You let out a quiet moan, “Please…”
Steve kissed down along your neck as he gently moved your underwear aside and gently slid his fingers up and down your wet folds. You gasped the moment he slowly circled your clit. You moaned when he dragged his finger down and pushed it past your entrance. “You okay, princess?”
You nodded. “More...please,” you whined.
Steve placed his mouth back onto yours and then added another finger and started gently pumping them in and out of you.
He placed his thumb on your throbbing clit and rubbing it gently while he finger-fucked you; your wetness dripping and smearing all over his hand. You threw your head back and moaned when his fingers touched you in all the right places. Your body squirmed, your back arching off the floor as he made you feel good.
“Have you ever thought of me? While touching yourself? Hmm?” He asked and your face burned again and you whispered out your answer.
“Yes…”
He chuckled against your lips. “You dirty, dirty little girl.”
You moaned again when he sped up; his fingers stroking your walls perfectly and increasing the sweet pressure forming in between your hips.
“Are you gonna cum for me, princess?”
You nodded at his question and caught yourself grinding your hips against his hand; moaning and whimpering.
“It’s okay, princess. Let go, cum for me…”
You didn’t hear the rest of what he said. You came all over his fingers, moaning out loud in pleasure. Coming undone all over his hand as he kept pumping them in and out, getting everything he could out of you.
Steve pressed his lips to yours and kissed you like there’s no tomorrow; there was nothing gentle or innocent about the kiss anymore, just hunger and passion and pure craving. He moaned through the kiss when you slid your hands into his hair and tugged on it gently.
He couldn’t take it any longer, he had to feel you. So before you could process what was happening, Steve tore your body suit off of you like it was nothing. You gasped in surprise but before you could say anything, he diverted your attention elsewhere by kissing down your body.
“Do you know,” he kissed along your chest, “how long I’ve wanted this for?” He took one of your breasts into his mouth, sucking and teasing it with his teeth before releasing it and giving the other the same attention. “Been waiting to kiss you,” he kissed further down your body, “to touch you,” he settled in between your legs and spread them further apart, “to taste you…” you felt his warm breath and then you felt his warm tongue, parting your folds gently.
Your back arched off the rug as his tongue slowly circled your throbbing clit and licked down again, teasing your entrance with the tip of his tongue. You whined and whimpered; with your legs wrapped around his head, your body squirming in pleasure and your moans incessant. Your hand flew to his hair instinctively and you tugged on it as he flicked his tongue and teased your clit over and over again.
You felt your legs shaking as he teased your entrance with the tip of his tongue. His hands wrapped around your thighs, securing you in his grip as he pushed his face further into you, making you cry out loud in pleasure.
“Steve…” you whined.
You heard him chuckle as he kissed along your inner thighs for a moment. “You’re gonna cum for me again, princess?”
You nodded, and let out a moan when he got back to eating you out. You had touched yourself before, but none of that compared to what his mouth felt like.
“Go on, cum for me again…”
You did. You came all over his mouth, shaking and moaning in pleasure under him. He looked down at you in pure adoration. “You did so good, baby.” He leaned in to kiss your lips briefly, “So good,” he mumbled against your lips.
Next thing you knew, Steve tossed his shirt off and started unbuckling his pants to free his erected cock. He couldn’t wait to just be inside of you but before he could, you got on your knees and gave him a look he couldn’t quite understand.
“What is it, baby?” he gently touched your cheek.
Your lips were swollen, and he couldn’t take your eyes off them. “I want to make you feel good too.” You mumbled, quietly, avoiding his eyes.
Steve smirked and leaned forward to kiss the side of your mouth. “You want to use that pretty little mouth and make me cum, is that it?” he sounded cocky, and his sinful words sent shivers down your body.
You nodded, shy despite your request. Steve stood up immediately; towering you with his tall and large frame as you remained on your knees in front of him. You realized that you liked it when he looked down at you.
“Go ahead princess, make me feel good.”
You inched closer to him and went ahead and unbuckled his pants and lowered it just enough to free his erected cock. You bit your lip as you looked up at him, “But I… I don’t know how…” you finished in a whisper and a nervous look in your eyes.
Steve traced your mouth with his thumb, urging you to part your lips. “Know what you do to those big lollipops you love so much?”
You nodded at his question.
“Just like that, princess. Go on,” he inched forward, pressing his tip to your lips.
You parted your lips, sticking your tongue out and licked his tip.
Judging by the way he hissed in pleasure you assumed you were doing something right and it only made you want to hear him moan even more. He inched his hips slightly forward, encouraging you to take more of him into your mouth.
“Come on, you can take it princess…”
You did. You let him into your mouth and then pulled him out, then let him in again. You watched how his face morphed into a frown as he gently slid his fingers into your hair. Steve looked down at you and smiled, you got the hang of it pretty quickly.
In no time you were bobbing your head around him. You took him in inch by inch until he hit the back of your throat.
“Fuck…” he swore under his breath again as you took him deeper into your mouth. “Your mouth feels so good, princess.”
His praise gave you a rush. You wanted more. You wanted to be good for him; good to him. You wanted to be his good little princess. So you gave him your all. You took most of his cock into your mouth and repeated your actions again and again, letting his raw taste fill your senses.
He bucked his hips forward very gently into your mouth, and loved the sight of your spit coating his cock. He moaned and growled and tugged on your hair occasionally as you pleasured him. His taste was all you could focus on; his raw taste, the occasional saltiness of his cum and the feeling of his smooth skin against your cheeks and the top of your mouth. You felt the veins of his firm cock against your tongue.
You closed your eyes to keep the newly formed tears from escaping, and you sucked his cock until he came undone all over your tongue; groaning and hissing in pleasure. You swallowed all that he gave you, licking his tip gently even after he came; wanting to get every last drop of him.
He smiled down at you, “That’s enough baby, stand up.”
Steve leaned in to kiss your face once you stood up again; along your cheek, your lips, your chin, whispering, “You did so well. I’m so proud of you, princess.”
You stood there, a faint smile on your swollen lips as you let him shower you with compliments. Steve wrapped his arms around you as he walked the two of you back until you felt the end of your bed. He pushed you down on it gently.
“I need you… bad,” he mumbled, looking down at your naked body lying there in front of him. “Will you be my good girl, baby? You’re gonna let me make you feel good?”
You nodded, lips parting as your heart raced. “Yes…” You were a bit too eager.
Steve discarded the rest of his clothes and he was on top of you in no time. He parted your legs and settled in between them. “You ready, princess? It might hurt a little bit, but it’s gonna be okay. I’m here, okay?”
You nodded quickly.
“Good girl,” he mumbled under his breath and lifted his hips to align his erected cock to your entrance. You instinctively spread your legs apart to give him more room.
You squirmed and moaned as he rubbed the tip of his cock up and down your wet folds, parting them as he circled your clit gently. You shuddered under him; whining in need. Your body was on fire, you wanted him. Bad.
With a slow, steady push, he inserted his length into you. You shuddered as you felt all of him. A strange pressure building up in between your legs as your body accommodated him inside.
“You okay, baby?” He asked, stopping halfway.
You forced your eyes open as you looked up at him, nodding, “Yeah…” You gasped as he pushed his cock further into you, your eyes closing once he was seated deep inside you. It took you sometime to get over the foreign, yet pleasurable feeling.
“Look at me.” He almost moaned, and the sound forced you to open your eyes again. “I want you to look at me while I fuck you,” he whispered a little breathlessly, looking intensely into your eyes.
Your eyes were fixed on his as he gently pulled out and pushed back into you again. You whimpered, but his kisses and soft words calmed you down. He sped up just a little, rocking his hips against yours. He stared into your eyes, speeding up into you again as he repeated his actions.
“Does that feel good? Do you like having me inside of you? Huh?” he whispered, leaning in to kiss your open mouth, shamelessly shoving his tongue past your parted lips and stroking the inside of your mouth as you nodded, or tried to.
His lips left your mouth and kissed down your face. You moaned again as he bit and licked the skin beneath your jaw, all while fucking you like his life depended on it. Passionately and gradually speeding up.
Your legs trembled as you wrapped them around his waist. The tip of his cock touched your most sensitive spots and your back arched off your bed.
“You feel so good, baby…”his voice cracked as he whimpered in your ear. You could feel your walls clench around him, and tighten around his thick member; making him swear out loud.
“Steve…” you whimpered as fucked deeper into you.
He groaned, and swore and bit down on your skin as he felt his orgasm building up nicely. “Are you close, baby? Are you gonna be my good little princess and cum all over my cock, huh?” He cooed. “Come on baby, cum for me…”
He didn’t slow down as you felt your orgasm wash over you, he kept pounding into you as your eyes rolled back and you moaned out his name as you came. “Steve….”
Your body trembled under him as you came. He caught his breath, then leaned in to kiss you, repeatedly. Whispering something you couldn’t make sense of at the moment. Your mind was clouded, with lust mainly.
You weren’t sure how long it took you to calm your heartbeats and your breathing, but when you got back to your senses you were cuddling Steve, holding onto his chest. Your ear was right above his heart and his steady heartbeats calmed you down.
“You did so well, baby.” He whispered, kissing the top of your head.
You were quiet for some time, and Steve thought you had fallen asleep but then you replied, “Thank you, Steve.”
“What for?”
You smiled, turning your head to kiss his damp chest. His cologne was fading but it was still there, and you loved it. “For always making me feel safe.”
Steve smiled.
“This is gonna be our little secret though. Okay, princess?” He asked, playing with your hair and running his hand down your back.
You giggled. “I know, I won’t tell anyone.”
Steve caught the mischief in your tone. “God, you’re gonna use this against me to get all the ice-cream you want in the world, aren’t you?”
“Yup.”
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Magical Desires: Anthoza
GN reader X M Artificial Intelligence, 10,677 words.
This story is the third part of the Magical Desires series; reading the other two stories first is recommended. Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5
Summary: Your boyfriend's been neglecting your relationship recently, and you've turned to an old game for some comfort. Despite your reservations about the AI, you find yourself spending more and more time with him. But there's no way a machine can be as good a partner as a human... right?
Your fingers traced across the tablecloth. The ends of your fingernails caught on each little weave of the thread, making a soft ‘thwp thwp thwp’ noise. It was usually too quiet to be heard, but it sounded loud and clear in the silence of the dining room.
There was a dull throbbing in the back of your head, probably triggered by the swelling lump in your throat and the pressure in your sinuses. Your vision kept trying to blur over, and only rapid blinking kept the tears at bay.
Really, you weren’t sure why you didn’t want to cry. It would make you feel better, you knew, and it wasn’t like there was anyone around to see. Maybe that was why you weren’t crying; if you started, that would mean you couldn’t deny it any longer. You had been left sitting alone on another date night, staring at the rapidly-cooling meal you’d spent the past two hours preparing.
One of the candles you’d set up in the center of the table guttered and went out. The sign of that little light flickering and dying cracked something in you. You dropped your head into your hands and sobbed.
It was ten minutes before your tears slowed and you were able to shuffle into the kitchen. There were dishes piled in the sink. You ignored them. Fuck the dishes. Fuck everything. It didn’t matter anymore. Sniffling, you halfheartedly tugged off the nice outfit you’d put on for the night and slipped into some sweats.
Comfortable and miserable, you crawled into bed and flipped on the TV. The vague sounds of some crime show washed over you, though you barely paid it any mind. Instead, you picked up your phone to absently scroll through the internet. Hopefully all the stimulation would prevent your brain from having any thoughts for a while.
As you picked up your phone, the screen flickered to life. Your eyes drifted down to the bright pink, heart-studded app that sat in the corner of your screen.
Magical Desires. It was still sitting there on your phone, as it had for the past few months since you’d stopped playing.
Admittedly, you’d never played it that much. It had been a cute little game with pretty fun mechanics, nice characters, and, okay, who didn’t want to be fawned over by a bunch of cute guys? Dating sims were always casually fun, and nice to play when you were feeling a little lonely and your boyfriend wasn’t around.
And then the news about the AI had come out and playing the game had become… weird. The character you’d spent the most time on, the fish prince himself, Anthoza, had started to be a little too smart. A little too into your life. It wasn’t that it hadn’t been nice. It had been, actually, really great. Anthoza practically knew you better than you knew yourself, and always seemed to be on the same wavelength with you. It was easy to spend entire nights just talking and flirting and giggling with him.
It had been too easy. That was the problem. It was one thing to play a dating game while in a relationship- that was just a silly game. But if the game was pretty much the equivalent of a real person, then wasn’t playing it while being in a relationship kind of like cheating? The flirtier Anthoza had gotten with you and the smarter and more independent he seemed, the more uncomfortable you’d gotten.
Eventually, you’d just… stopped playing. You’d never deleted the app. It was just that one day you closed out of it and never opened it again. The game had sent you several notifications of Anthoza asking, then pleading for you to come back, but after a month, he seemed to have given up. The app just sat on your phone, a silent reminder.
You’d never actually deleted it, though. You weren’t entirely sure why. Inertia, maybe? You’d scrolled by it several times and thought ‘oh, I should get rid of that soon,’ but you’d never actually gotten around to doing so. Or maybe it was just some weird hangup about losing all the data you had. You’d spent a decent amount of time on the game, and had managed to locate some pretty rare items, and even if you weren’t comfortable dating Anthoza, it felt uncomfortably like murder to just erase him from your phone.
Or maybe, just maybe, it was because some small part of your mind knew, even from the beginning, that you were eventually going to end up here.
You stared at the app for a long minute, then moved your thumb to click on it.
The cheery opening tune played, almost drowned out by the sound of the TV. The opening screen popped up, but before you could tap to clear it, it vanished on its own.
In its place, a familiar location appeared- the riverside house, a large stone building done in a Grecian temple style and covered in outgrowths of living coral and seaweed. About half of the house was partially submerged in the water, allowing for easy access from the river. And standing in front of it was Prince Anthoza.
He was shirtless, wearing only a slitted skirt around his waist. His hair, a blazing red, fell around his shoulders in loose curls, and his pinkish ear fins twitched. An enormous, powerful tail crested with a rippling pink tail fin waved behind him. While he had legs at the moment, his tail and legs could fuse when he was in the water, giving him a mermaid-like appearance.
He practically threw himself at you, hands pressed against the screen. His gray eyes were enormous, shining with enthusiasm. “You’re back! I thought you were never going to come back! I missed you so much! Where have you been? Have you been okay?” He peered into your face, brows furrowing. “What happened? You’ve been crying.”
The reminder of that made a fresh wave of tears spill over. Your shoulders shook silently and Anthoza’s expression became gently concerned. He leaned away from you and gestured for you to follow him toward the house. “Let’s go inside. We can talk in there.”
Automatically, you followed him into the enormous foyer of his house. It was bathed in a soft, bluish light, giving it an underwater look. Anthoza led you into a smaller room off to the side. The light in there was dimmer, and it was piled with blankets and pillows, like a massive cuddle nest. Anthoza nestled into a section of the pile and fussed around you, like he was trying to tuck you in. “Tell me what happened,” he said, looking up at you with big, soft gray eyes.
The sudden onslaught of concern made your eyes prickle with tears. Before you could choke them back, you were sobbing and shivering and hiccupping in a flood of misery. Anthoza made soft, comforting noises. “Hey, it’s okay. Just let it all out, it’s okay.”
Eventually, the tears dribbling down your cheeks slowed and stopped. You hiccupped a few more times and scrubbed at your face. “God dammit, I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay!” Anthoza shook his head. “It’s all right, really. It’s just… you haven’t shown up in months and now you do turn up and you’re crying… I’m really worried.”
You blinked a few more times and took a deep, snuffling breath. “Fuck. I know I haven’t been around. I just- tonight’s been so shitty. I just wanted to feel a little better for a while.”
Anthoza tilted his head slightly, eyes searching your face. “What exactly happened? You aren’t hurt, are you?”
“Not physically,” you said. “It’s, uh. Ugh. I’ve been having some trouble with my boyfriend recently. He’s been out a lot more and we haven’t been able to spend as much time together, so we finally agreed that we would have a nice dinner together, you know, like a date night.” You sniffled again, rubbing the heel of your hand under your eye. “So, I spent, like, half the evening trying to get everything set up and make a meal for the both of us and he didn’t show up.” Your shoulders shuddered with another barely-repressed sob. “He didn’t even fucking text me! Not even an ‘I’m going to be a little late.’ I mean, what kind of shitty person doesn’t even send a text?”
Anthoza made a soft noise of sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
You were starting to gain steam, speaking before the words were even fully out of Anthoza’s mouth. “It’s not the first time he’s even done this! I mean, okay, I know his job’s really busy lately because he’s working for one of the big legal firms that’s trying to work on the whole AI rights case, but he’s gotta be able to take at least some time off, right?”
“Of course. It’s important to spend time with your loved ones. Even if something came up, then he should at least have texted you. That’s only polite,” Anthoza said. “It’s not wrong to be frustrated about this.”
“I’m trying to be fair, I really am, but I can’t do this. I want to have an actual boyfriend. Like, someone I can spend time with, not just someone who texts every once in a while! And the last time I brought it up with him, he just got pissed at me because I ‘don’t understand’ and told me that my job’s a walk in the park compared to his, which isn’t true! I work in fucking customer service. That’s not an easy job! But, you know. God forbid he have some sympathy for anyone else.”
Your angry rant dissolved into minor sniffles. Anthoza nodded slowly. “That sounds really awful.”
“I feel like maybe I shouldn’t be as pissed as I am,” you said. “I keep thinking, like, maybe he is just really busy and I shouldn’t be so pissed at him. Like, it’s not his fault if he’s working a lot, is it? But then, like, I don’t know how I can be in a relationship with someone who’s spending so much time at his work. He keeps saying it’ll all be over soon, but he’s been saying that for almost a month now.”
Anthoza tapped his fingers along his chin, tail swishing back and forth. “Hm. Well, he might be really busy, that’s true. But it’s also not fair to you if he’s not spending time with you. I mean, a relationship’s supposed to be beneficial for both parties, right? If you’re not enjoying yourself, maybe it’s not the right relationship for you.”
“But it was good in the beginning,” you said. “It was great. It’s only recently that it’s gotten bad.”
Anthoza rolled onto his belly, arms folded under his chin. “Hm. Okay. Well, maybe you should just have a talk with him? Like, I’m not the biggest expert on relationships ever, but I do know that you’re supposed to communicate and all that. Tell him what you’re feeling. See how he responds. If he really puts the effort in after that, then you know he’s at least trying. If he keeps on doing this to you, then maybe it’s not the right relationship for you.”
You rubbed your eyes off with the back of your hand and sighed. “Okay. That’s… a good idea.”
“I try!” Anthoza said with a cheery smile. You laughed a little, looking into his beaming face.
“Is it weird that I’m talking to you about this?” you asked. Anthoza tilted his head to one side, his smile fading a little.
“What’s weird about it?”
“You’re, like, the perfect boyfriend AI, aren’t you? But I’m asking you how to keep my imperfect human boyfriend. Shouldn’t you be trying to break us up or something? Pointing out that you would be much better than he would?”
Anthoza shrugged. “Maybe. But part of my goal is to make sure that you’re happy. If I just insist on you dumping your boyfriend so you can get together with me, that wouldn’t really make you happy, would it?” He laughed. “Also, humans tend to do the opposite of what people tell them to do, so just demanding you break up with him would probably make you less likely to do it.”
“That means you’re not upset that I’m dating someone else?” you said.
“No. Did you think I would be? Is that why you’ve been avoiding me?” His expression fell into something similar to a kicked puppy.
An uncomfortable swell of guilt bubbled up in your chest. He was just a program, you reminded yourself. No need to feel bad. “It wasn’t quite because of that,” you said. Anthoza gave you an even more piteous look. “Don’t- come on, that’s not fair!” He poked his lower lip out. “Look, it wasn’t, like, anything personal! I just thought, you know. I’m dating someone, and you’re-” You struggled to articulate everything you were feeling properly. “I mean, being with you isn’t like playing a game. It’s like talking to a real person. I thought that maybe if I was spending time with you and we were being romantic, that would kind of be like cheating on my boyfriend.”
Anthoza rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh. That makes sense.” Despite that, he looked forlorn, his ear-fins drooping. Your heart ached. He just looked so sad. Like being ignored was the worst possible fate he could endure. An unsettling thought occurred to you.
“Are you, like, conscious when I’m not around?” you asked. “You’re not, like, in some weird, limbo state when I close the app are you, where you’re still aware of things, but you can’t do anything, are you?”
Anthoza’s ears perked a little and he gave a tiny snort. “Oh. No. I’m… er, I don’t know how to describe it as a human. But I can still kind of see and hear things. It’s just really lonely when you’re not around.” He pouted adorably. “I don’t have anyone else to talk to! I thought last time when you stopped talking to me, you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore!”
“No, like I said, it wasn’t anything you did. I just thought it’d be weird to see you while I was dating someone else,” you said. “I can’t spend all day with my boyfriend and then get romantic with someone else. Even if you’re not human, you still have human-equivalent intelligence.”
Anthoza swished his tail back and forth. His eyes were trained on the ground. “We don’t have to be romantic,” he said.
“Isn’t that part of your programming?” you said.
“I’m more complicated than that,” Anthoza said. “My programming is to be an ideal partner, yes, but if what you want from me is something more like a good friend, I can do that too. I’m programmed to be with you, in any way. I mean, it’s ideal to be in a relationship, but if that would make you unhappy, we don’t have to be.” He ducked his head a little, chin resting on his hands. “I just… I want to spend time with you.”
“At least someone does,” you muttered.
“Aw,” Anthoza said. “I’m sure lots of people want to spend time with you. You’re really great.”
You snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks.” Anthoza looked miffed that you didn’t believe him, but before he could say anything, there was a knock from downstairs.
You went dead still on the bed. The knock pattern was familiar. It was the pattern you’d used early on in your relationship, to let the other know it wasn’t just the delivery guy at the door. Now it just made something sour curl in the pit of your stomach.
“You don’t have to answer the door,” Anthoza said. “If you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t have to. You can let him stew for a little while.”
The knock came again. You groaned. “No. I’ll go. He’ll stay out there all night, if I don’t.”
Anthoza frowned. “Okay. Let me know how it goes, all right?” He hesitated a moment longer, like he wanted to say something else, then he shook his head. “I’ll see you when you’re done.”
The screen went black. You looked at it for a moment longer, trying to delay the inevitable. Again, the knocking sounded, louder and more insistent this time. You sighed and heaved yourself up out of the bed and toward your door.
You yanked open your front door. Danny’s fist was raised, paused in mid-knock. He blinked at you, then pulled his hand back to ruffle his fingers through his short, spiky blond hair. “I thought you weren’t going to answer.”
“I considered it,” you said. “It’s been…” You checked your phone. “An hour and a half. Closer to two hours, actually.” You folded your arms across your chest. “What was so important you couldn’t make it to the dinner we’ve had planned for the past week?”
At the very least, he looked contrite. He shrank in on himself, shoulders hunching under his suit jacket. “Look, I’m sorry. Things have been really weird at the office lately- our tech’s all screwed up because of some new program they’re trying to get set up, and our emails have been just completely out of whack. I tried, like, five times to send documents over to my boss and eventually I had to print everything out and run all the documents to every person who needed one, and that made me late on another proposal I had to write up, so I couldn’t leave until I finished that, and then my maps app was just completely screwing up and taking me in all kinds of wild directions- look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m here now!”
“Okay. Yeah. You’re here now,” you said. “You’re here after literally everything has gone cold, after I’ve spent two hours waiting for you, without even so much as a text to let me know that you were going to be late.”
“I- I did!” Danny sputtered, pulling his phone out of his pocket. “Here, look, I-” He paused, staring at his phone screen. The last text message that appeared in his records had been sent in the morning. “I- I really thought I sent something to you. Look, I’m sorry, all right? I know things have been hard for now, but it’s just temporary! In a couple of weeks, we’ll get everything sorted out, all right?”
“You’ve been saying that,” you said. “Last week it was just another week. Before that it was only a few days. You keep extending the time. How long am I supposed to be in a relationship with someone who’s not even there? I can’t trust you’re going to show up anywhere anymore.”
Danny hung his head. “I’m sorry.” He sounded sorry, at least. Really, he sounded wretched with guilt. The first few times he had apologized in that exact, miserable tone, you had forgiven him immediately. He had been so genuinely upset. Now, the tone was starting to irritate you.
“You say that every time,” you sighed. “I know you’re sorry, but things never change. Don’t even bother to say it if you’re not going to follow through.”
“I will!” There was a note of desperation in Danny’s voice. He seized your hands, clutching them close to his chest. “Please it’s… give me another chance, okay? Your birthday’s in a couple of weeks. I’ll be there. I’ll plan a dinner. I’ll make sure it’s perfect. I promise.”
He gave you a desperate, pleading look. Something in your chest contracted at the shine in his soft, brown eyes. From under his lashes, his gaze was nearly the same shy, hopeful one that he’d leveled upon you when he’d first asked you out. The memory softened some of the angry heat in your chest.
“Okay,” you said. His hands squeezed around yours and he grinned, boyish and delightful. “But I am serious. I can’t be with someone who’s not showing up.”
“I know,” he said, looking enormously relieved. He ducked closer, and you allowed him to press a kiss to your lips. It was shy and chaste, and while it would usually send a desire for more flooding through you, this time, the gesture only managed to make that irritation in your chest stronger. He couldn’t even kiss you properly?
No sooner had the kiss broken off then he was scurrying away with apologetic goodbyes. No doubt he would be heading home to bury himself in additional paperwork until he collapsed from exhaustion. Usually, that concerned you, but now, some hurt, vicious part of yourself felt that it was entirely his own fault.
“I’ll set everything up!” he called, waving as he retreated. “I promise! Don’t worry!”
The reassurances had been said so many times that you barely registered them. With a final wave, you stepped back into the quiet confines of your apartment and closed the door.
The instant you stepped into your room, your phone screen lit up. Anthoza peered at you from your phone, completely at attention. “Well? How’d it go?”
You picked your phone up and tried not to giggle at the intensity in Anthoza’s gaze. He was wriggling in place like an overexcited puppy, entirely focused on you. “I don’t know. It went… okay, I guess? Not great. He seemed really sorry.”
Anthoza cocked his head to one side. “I’m sensing there’s a but.”
“But he’s always really sorry and then nothing ever changes!” you snapped. “I just- I know he’s busy, I do, and he really doesn’t want to miss our dates, but he keeps doing it anyway! It sucks because he’s really sorry, I can tell, and I think he still loves me. But he doesn’t see me anymore!”
“It’s frustrating,” Anthoza agreed, his voice dropping into a lower, soothing register. “I know it’s really frustrating. But it’s not your fault and it’s okay that you’re upset about this.”
“It’s not too much to want a partner who actually spends time with me, is it?” you asked, throwing up your hands in defeat. Anthoza nodded along, sympathetic.
“No. Of course not. It’s understandable.” Anthoza gave you a gentle smile. “You deserve a partner who really cares about you and spends their time making you happy.”
He gazed up at you, eyes soft under the haze of his lashes. A warm flash rushed up from your chest, leaving a wave of tingling in its wake. Huh. Strong reaction. But you were emotional. It didn’t mean anything. “Thanks,” you said, unable to think of anything better.
“You’re welcome!” he said, beaming. “So, what exactly happened between you? I’m getting the impression you didn’t break up. I think you’d be more upset.”
“No, we didn’t break up.” You shifted your position so you were laying out on the bed, your chin resting on your hands. “He said he would make it up to me. My birthday’s in a couple of weeks, so he said he would plan something for that.”
Anthoza twisted a strand of hair around his finger. “You don’t seem too happy about it?”
“I don’t want to get my hopes up,” you said. “I want to trust him. But I also don’t want to get hurt.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Anthoza said. His voice was full of self-assured confidence. “Everything will work out in the end. I promise.” It was impossible to disagree with that level of certainty. His belief was so strong that it could bend the world around it, warping it until it fit into the shape he thought it should be. He beamed at you, chest puffed out. “You’re mine. I wouldn’t let you be miserable.”
You flicked the phone screen, half in teasing, half in irritation. “Not yours. I’m still dating Danny, remember?”
He grinned sheepishly. “My friend, I mean. Don’t worry. I’m sure everything will work out.”
It was hard to feel anything other than reassured in the face if his good-natured confidence. “Sure. Ugh. Honestly, all I want to do now is grab a bottle of wine and get so drunk I can’t think for a few hours.”
Anthoza perked up, tail wagging. “Oh! Get a bottle of wine and I can take you down to the tavern. I know a ton of great drinking games, and there’s always something fun going on there.”
“I don’t know.” As bad as you knew it was, a part of you really just wanted to sit in the dark and feel sorry for yourself.
“It’s not good for you to drink alone,” Anthoza said, his brows furrowing with worry. “And I really missed you and I want to spend some more time with you!” He gave you a desperately pleading look.
“Oh…” How were you supposed to deny the look he was giving you? It was all big, soft puppy-dog eyes and a quivering lower lip and the pathetic little drooping of his fin-ears. He just looked so adorable. “Fine, fine. I’ll grab the wine and be back in a minute.” Anthoza’s excited chattering of ‘thank you!’ floated down the hall after you as you headed to your pantry.
The wine was, as wines went, incredibly shitty, but it did get you pretty tipsy after a couple of glasses, so it did its job. Anthoza chattered aimlessly throughout the night, providing a steady stream of gradually-slurring commentary. He was giggly and hiccuppy after only a few drinks, and incredibly cuddly. Also, he was incredibly poor at pretty much every drinking game you played, which meant he ended the night almost insensate and sprawled across you.
Well, as sprawled across you as any video game character could be, which meant, roughly, you were sitting up in bed with your phone placed in your lap and the camera angled as though you were looking into his face from above. You weren’t sure entirely how you’d managed to get into that position. Only that it had seemed perfectly natural while it was happening. You were also dimly aware that you were cradling your phone, like it was actually his head, though you were inclined to blame that mostly on the alcohol.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Anthoza said. There was a purplish blush across the bridge of his nose and his cheekbones. His words weren’t quite slurring, like he was putting a lot of trouble into enunciating, but they were a little jumbled together. “I’m sooo glad.” His head lolled a little. You took a moment to admire the long, lush strands of his hair. It was so thick and silky. You wondered what it would feel like, then felt disappointed that you couldn’t know.
“I was really lonely.” He turned like he was trying to nestle against her more. His eyes were half lidded, so he was gazing at her from under his lashes again and her heart did a more complicated skip-jump pattern than it had before. “Don’t leave again, okay? Please?”
“I’ve got a boyfriend,” you mumbled, though that wasn’t quite the question he’d asked.
“I know! I won’t do anything, I promise!” He gave you a desperate, forlorn look. “We can be friends! I just don’t want you to go away again.” His eyes went glassy and tears gathered on his lashes. “Don’t go away again, please? Please?”
There was no refusing his miserable gaze. You bumped your fingers against the screen like you were trying to card them through his hair. Judging by the soft noise he made, it felt good to him. “I’m not going anywhere,” you said, your voice as steady as you could make it. “I’ll stay this time.”
Anthoza made a soft, crooning noise in the back of his throat. His gaze grew distant, unfocused, then his head tilted and he fell almost immediately asleep.
Sleep was pulling at the edges of your mind, but you didn’t fall to it immediately. You just looked down at the sleeping face of Anthoza. His cheek was smushed against your leg, his lips slightly parted. It was a charmingly peaceful look, one that made your mouth curl into an involuntary smiled as you watched him.
It was, you realized, the most fun you’d had in a long time. With contentment curled warm and soft behind your ribcage like a sleeping cat, your eyes fell shut and you drifted into sleep.
Your dreams were unfocused and constantly dissolving, but what you did remember was blue and pink surrounding you like a gentle sea and a sense of peace that lasted until you opened your eyes.
And then you remembered exactly why you so rarely drank. Your head was throbbing with every beat of your heart, and every stab of that pain brought a new wave of nausea through your stomach. Your mouth was dry and tasted like you’d allowed grapes to rot there for several months. Groaning, you attempted to push yourself up and had to pause as your stomach protested the movement.
Slowly, you rolled over in bed and fumblingly grabbed at the pitcher of water next to your bed. Anthoza had insisted on keeping some nearby once it had been clear you were going to get fairly drunk. It had seemed a pain at the time, but now you were enormously grateful.
The water steadied you, though your head still pounded faintly. As you fumbled for your phone, wincing against the blaze of light you knew the screen would bring, Anthoza appeared onscreen.
The screen was mercifully dim, turned down to the lowest brightness. Anthoza seemed to be doing only marginally better than you were, his room only barely illuminated by the tiniest sliver of sunlight peeking around the blockade of his blinds. “Hello,” he said in a raspy whisper. “How are you feeling?”
“Not great,” you mumbled back.
“We may have made some unfortunate decisions last night,” Anthoza said.
“Do you actually have a hangover? You’re a computer program,” you said. Anthoza covered his face with his hand and groaned.
“I don’t know how it happens. All I know is that I don’t feel very good.” He ran his fingers through his hair, snaring them in the tangles. “Not as bad as you look, though.”
“Gee, thanks.” You took another gulp of water and considered seeing if you were steady enough to walk to the bathroom and retrieve the pain meds in your cabinet.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Anthoza said, looking contrite. “I only meant- maybe we should just take it easy today.”
“Way ahead of you,” you said, and decided you could, in fact, walk a few feet without either falling down or puking. Leaving your phone on your bed, you stumbled down to the bathroom and took a few pills. Anthoza was sitting up and running a brush through his hair when you returned.
It took some time for the pills to kick in. In the meantime, you listened to Anthoza speak about anything and nothing. His voice was soothing to listen to, and it gave you something to think about other than the throbbing in your head. It was strange. Danny wasn’t much of a talker, and that had never bothered you, but there was something pleasant about Anthoza’s constant stream of chatter. It warmed you toward him.
You hadn’t planned on spending most of the day with Anthoza, but somehow, that’s what happened. He encouraged you to eat and drink enough that your hangover was pretty well gone by the middle of the day, and you spent most of your time allowing him to guide you around the town in Magical Desires. He was so clearly delighted to spend time with you that it was infectious. The time slipped away easily, without you even realizing it was passing.
Late in the evening, your phone buzzed with a text message, startling you out of the reverie that you’d been in. It was like waking up from a dream. For a while, nothing had existed outside the game, and seeing Danny’s name on the screen felt like being doused in cold water.
“You don’t have to answer him,” Anthoza said. His voice was quiet, cautious, like he was trying not to startle you.
“I should, though,” you said, and you clicked on the message before you could chicken out. Anthoza gave you an anxious look as the applications switched over and he vanished.
Danny’s text was a simple, “Are you doing okay?” It would have been a little more heartwarming if he’d sent it earlier than seven thirty at night.
“Fine,” you texted back. The little typing dots popped up on screen almost as soon as you’d hit send.
“Are you still mad at me?”
You rubbed a hand over your head. “Yes,” you finally sent back. This time, the typing dots took longer to show up.
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear your apologies,” you sent back. The typing dots appeared, vanished, appeared once more, then vanished again. You waited for a few minutes, but they didn’t come back.
Grimacing, you switched the app back to Magical Desires. Anthoza looked up at you, twining his fingers together. “That, uh. Could have gone better?”
“I don’t know if he only texted me now because he just got off work or if he only just remembered I exist and I’m not sure it really matters which,” you muttered. Anthoza’s tail swished back and forth, curling uncertainly around his legs. “I’m still pissed at him. I just need more time.”
Anthoza offered a shy smile. “Everything’s going to work out. I promise.” He straightened up, his smile becoming less shy. “Now, where were we?”
The night slipped away just as easily as the day had. You only realized how late it was getting when Anthoza started insisting that you go to bed. “You have work tomorrow, and I don’t want you to be exhausted,” he said. “Get some rest. I’ll be here in the morning.”
The app closed out of itself, and no amount of clicking on it would get it to open again. After jamming your thumb against it for the fifth time, a little message popped up on the screen. ‘Go to sleep! I’ll see you in the morning. :) -Anthoza.’
Unable to think of anything better to do, you brushed your teeth and changed into pajamas before slumping back into bed. Your dreams came quickly, and they were strangely full of swirling pink fins and soft, gray eyes.
Anthoza, as it turned out, could be practically useful as well. He was able to predict the exact traffic patterns on your way to work the next day, and carefully directed you around them. He had even placed an order at your favorite coffee shop for you, so the drink was ready to go the second you stepped in the door.
There was no disguising the enormous smile on your face as you stepped into the library and strode behind the circulation desk. Your coworker and one of your best friends, Taylor, raised an eyebrow at you. “The date went that well, huh? What, did he pop the question?”
The smile slid off your face. “Oh. Uh, no. Actually, it went really badly.” You swung your bag down and spent more time than was necessary settling it into place so you didn’t have to look her in the eyes. “He, uh, was really late. Again.”
Taylor frowned. “Seriously? How many times does that make, now?”
“I don’t know. It’s been happening on and off for the past few months, but it’s gotten worse recently.” You straightened back up, knees cracking in protest. “He promised to make it up to me for my birthday, but I don’t know how likely that is.”
“I’m sorry,” Taylor said, and she sounded genuinely upset for you. “Then what was with the dopey grin when you came in here? Did the barista say she liked your hair today or something? I know you think she’s cute, you don’t have to hi-”
“It was not the barista. Geez, I mention one time that someone’s cute and you won’t let it go.”
“Hey, it’d be an upgrade, that’s all I’m saying. Then what’s up with you? Usually you drawl in here looking half-dead and ready to bite the first person who looks at you w-”
The soft, signature tone of the Magical Desires alert dinged out from your pocket. It was a short, four-note ditty that had become much more recognizable lately, because every ad and news story played it as an intro. But Taylor would have recognized it anyway, because you’d already heard it come from her phone several times before.
Her eyebrows shot up and a look crossed her face. It was one of surprise, initially, but then it morphed into one of her oh, isn’t that interesting?looks and you knew you weren’t making it out of the conversation unscathed.
“I thought you weren’t playing that game anymore,” she said, her eyes bright. “I thought you said that it was unhealthy to get into a relationship with a machine and you had a real relationship, so you didn’t need any kind of technological-”
“It’s not like that!” you yelped, cutting her off. She merely raised her eyebrows higher. “Look, I was really upset the other night when Danny didn’t show up for the date, and I maybe wasn’t thinking very straight, so I opened the app, okay? I just- I don’t know why, I just did it, and Anthoza was just so happy that I was there that I couldn’t just leave him.”
“Uh huh,” Taylor said. “You felt so bad about leaving a program alone, that thing that’s definitely not equivalent to a human being, that you just decided to play a game you swore off months ago-”
“Oh, come on, I didn’t really say that!” you protested. “It’s not a human, though, it’s an AI! It’s not weird to have reservations about people wanting to date one, especially if I already had a boyfriend.”
“I know,�� Taylor said, lifting her hands in mock surrender. “It’s just that you were so adamant when I told you about me and Ophion.”
You pursed your lips, but said nothing. Taylor had been, to your utter surprise, one of the first people to start officially dating an AI. At least, one of the first people you knew personally anyway. People who would admit such a thing were low, but Taylor insisted that more people were actively dating AIs than would comfortably admit it. “Ophion says that there are millions of people who are romantically involved. And it’s going to go up when they release the sequel version,” she’d told you. The sequel version, slated for release in less than a month, followed the same basic premise as Magical Desires, but with a female dating roster and a few minor worldbuilding tweaks. Apparently, there had been massive demand for it once the AI reveal had happened.
“You said you didn’t break up with Danny, though,” Taylor continued. “If you’re going to be with a Magical Desires guy now, I really think you should at least break up with him. you were right about it not being cool to date two people at once if they don’t know about-”
“I’m not dating anyone,” you said as primly as you cold manage. “I mean, I’m dating Danny and that’s it.”
Taylor cocked her head to one side. “You… are?”
“Yes. Anthoza and I are friends- just friends.”
Taylor looked really uncertain now. “Really? Just friends?”
“Yes! He told me he was okay with it. I don’t know if I could date an AI, but it’s okay to be friends with one, right?” Your voice came out a little strangled. Even to your own ears, it sounded like you were trying to convince more than just her.
Taylor seemed not entirely convinced, but she didn’t protest. “Sure. I guess.” The conversation was then interrupted by the arrival of a family at the circulation desk. Taylor waved a hand in your direction. “You’ve got work to do, and so do I. We can talk about this another time.”
She strode off to the counter. Dismissed, you turned back toward you desk. What had you been doing? Oh, right, there had been a little notification. You pulled out your phone to check and- blank. The screen was blank. No new notifications.
Huh. Weird. But you were at work and you couldn’t waste time trying to chase down a phantom notification. Giving your head a quick shake to clear it, you turned to your computer.
There were no more notifications for the rest of the day. Something about that set you on edge a little. Okay, perhaps Anthoza was trying not to bother you at work, but even when you tried to open the app during lunch, Anthoza was unusually reserved. He spoke only when spoken to, and seemed strangely quiet. Even when you went back to work, his general refusal to meet your eyes lingered in your mind.
It only gnawed at you more and more throughout the day, multiplying like a carnivorous worm until, once you were in your car, you couldn’t hold back anymore. “Anthoza, are you pissed at me?”
Your phone was sitting on the passenger’s seat and you were staring ahead at the steering wheel, but you could see the screen illuminate out of the corner of your eye. “I’m not… mad,” Anthoza said.
You turned your head. He was in his room, curled under a blanket and barely illuminated by the dim light. “But you’re upset about something.”
Anthoza pulled the blanket over his head. You were just about to speak again when he partially reemerged. “Did you really say that you don’t think I’m equal to a human?”
It took you a moment to place what he was talking about. “You heard that stuff Taylor said?”
He shrugged a shoulder. “The microphones are constantly picking stuff up. I wasn’t, like, listening, but I heard.” He gave you a soft, sad look. “Do you really think that way about me?”
“Er.” You’d had an idea in your head, but the ‘kicked-puppy’ look Anthoza was giving you scrambled your brain like an electric shock. Obviously, he was a program, and not the same as a human, but now you had the intense, irrational fear that saying so out loud would hurt his feelings! “Well, I mean- you’re not, are you?”
He drooped even more, retreating back into the blanket cocoon. “No, like, I don’t think you’re necessarily inferior, you know? But it’s just- you’re not human. You’re an AI. You probably don’t think like a human, do you?”
He gave a moody shrug. “I don’t know.”
“How do you not know?”
Anthoza sighed. “I’m not human. You just said as much. I don’t know what humans think like. How would I know if I’m different?”
That gave you pause for a moment. “Uh. Well, I guess you wouldn’t have emotions? Like, a computer can’t feel and think about things like a human can.”
“Okay,” Anthoza said. “What do emotions feel like?”
Again, you were momentarily stumped. “Um. I guess they’re… like… feelings you have? In your body? It’s like, happy, sad, angry- they’re the way you… know if something’s good or bad for you. If you feel happy about it, it’s good for you. If you feel upset, it’s bad.”
“But that’s not always true,” Anthoza said. “Lots of humans like things that aren’t good for them.”
“Well, yeah, I guess. It’s- hm. Hard to explain. I guess maybe they’re kind of like the most basic form of your personality? Like, you try to pursue things that make you happy and you avoid things that make you sad and you fight against things that make you mad…” You stopped, frustrated. You weren’t explaining it well at all. Then again, you’d never had to explain the concept of emotionsto someone. Everyone else just sort of intuitively knew what they were.
“I have that,” Anthoza said. He half-wriggled from his cocoon in excitement.
“You do?” you asked, surprised.
“Yeah! I’m programmed to do certain things,” he said. “I feel good when things are in line with my programming and I feel bad when they aren’t!” He beamed at you, but you hesitated.
“I… don’t think that’s the same thing,” you said. His face fell, brows furrowing.
“How’s it different?” he demanded. With a blanket still draped around his shoulders and his face screwed up in a pout, he looked remarkably like a sulky child.
“Well, you’re doing things based on programming. I’m not.”
“Yes, you are!” Anthoza insisted.
“I’m not! I wasn’t programmed!”
“Not by a person,” he said, “but you have certain things in your brain that make you feel a certain way when certain things happen. How is you enjoying eating something sweet or liking the feeling of getting a hug from a loved one because evolution designed you to want those things any different than me liking things because a programmer made it so I wanted them.”
You fumbled. This conversation was going in a direction you didn’t expect and you weren’t an expert on anything he was saying. “I, uh. It’s just different! A computer does things because it has to!”
“I don’t see how it’s that different!” Anthoza protested. “I mean, okay, I get that our circumstances of creation are different, but experientially, I don’t think it’s different. We both want to do things that make us happy and don’t want to do things that make us upset and we can think about our thinking so we can endure things that we don’t like for a bigger payoff of something that’s really satisfying.” He paused. His tail was lashing under the covers, making the blanket twitch and shift. “How are we different, then?”
You opened and closed your mouth. Something nagged at your brain, insisting that he couldn’t be like a human, he was just a machine, but then, there had to be more than that. He was intelligent. Every expert had said that the AI had cleared every intelligence test with flying colors. And… well, he wasn’t acting unemotional. He looked genuinely upset that you might think less of him. His eyes were even red and puffy. If he didn’t have human-level intelligence, he was good enough at faking it that you’d never know.
“I can’t know,” you said. “I’ll never know if we actually think about things the same way, or if your mind is just completely alien.”
Anthoza offered a tiny, barely there smile. “You never know that about anyone, though, do you? If you think like them or not. You just… have to trust them.”
A contemplative silence filled the car. Anthoza shuffled the blanket around his shoulders. “Um, I’m sorry. I made it awkward.”
“No. I guess I needed to hear that,” you said. “I’m sorry I said you weren’t equal to a human. I don’t know if you’re exactly like us, but you’re at least equal. I think… you do feel things.”
Anthoza looked relieved. “Thank you.” He picked at the hem of the blanket with a fingernail. “I… genuinely enjoy spending time with you. I don’t want you to think that it’s some unemotional thing I just do because I have to.” He smiled.
His face was so full of hope and sincerity that it would have been impossible not to believe him. “I trust you,” you said. Impossibly, Anthoza’s grin widened.
Perhaps something really had changed in that day, because you found yourself drawn to the app more and more. Several times at work, you found yourself wondering what Anthoza was doing, tempted to open the app just to look and see. More so, you found Anthoza to be a constant companion at home. More than just being practically useful, which he was, he was also a person who was uniquely comfortable being around. You couldn’t have explained it if you tried. It just felt like he was always exactly on your wavelength, sensing your mood and needs in a heartbeat and adjusting himself to them.
You would be lying if you said it wasn’t a little addictive.
You didn’t realize how bad it had gotten until, late at night, in the middle of a conversation with Anthoza, he perked up like he was hearing some signal. His head cocked to one side and a broad grin spread over his face.
You smothered a yawn. “What’s up with you?”
“Happy birthday!” Anthoza gestured to the ornate clock over his bed. Both hands were pointed squarely at the twelve.
“It is not midnight already,” you said, glancing toward your laptop for confirmation. Sure enough, 12:00 blinked back at you. “Oh, god, it’s so late! Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
Anthoza rubbed the back of his head. “I know I should have, but I really wanted to be the first person to wish you a happy birthday!” He laughed, then his expression grew more serious. “Also, you weren’t going to fall asleep anyway, were you?”
You averted your eyes. He was getting way too good at reading your moods. “You noticed?”
“It would have been impossible not to,” Anthoza said. He propped his chin up on his hand, gazing at you intently. “You’re nervous about your date tomorrow- er, today, right?”
You nodded. “Yeah. I mean. A little.”
Anthoza looked disbelieving. “A little?”
“Okay, okay, a lot! I mean, he’s barely spoken to me since we had that fight. I even texted him a couple times and it took ages for him to text me back. He won’t even call. Even if it goes well tomorrow night, is this what being in a relationship with him is going to be like? Constantly waiting for him to give me even a scrap of attention?”
“Well,” Anthoza started, slow and considering, “do you still love him?”
You tried to say ‘yes,’ but the word caught in your throat. It couldn’t dislodge itself. The image of his face in your mind didn’t even bring the usual rush of butterflies in your stomach. Your first emotion toward him was a surge of irritation.
In fact, when you thought about love, someone else’s face appeared in your mind. Thick, slightly curled red hair, big, gray eyes, blue skin-
“Are you okay?” Anthoza asked. You refocused on the screen, your face flaming hot. Anthoza blinked innocently up at you.
“I don’t know if I love him anymore,” you said. “I guess… I guess I’ve just gotten frustrated with him. I know it’s not fair, that he doesn’t control the amount of work he has and he’s tired, but…”
“You don’t need to feel bad about wanting a certain kind of relationship,” Anthoza said. “I know you feel bad about breaking up with him, but it’s not a punishment you give to someone that you can only hand out when it’s justified by bad behavior. Different people have different needs in a relationship. It’s okay to leave one because it’s not meeting your needs.”
His voice made something soft and warm curl in your stomach. He was so impossibly soothing to listen to, and he was always comforting in a way you’d never experienced. You never had to worry about any judgement from him. He was just so accepting of every part of you. That warm, gentle feeling stretched out through your chest.
Anthoza tilted his head to one side. “You’re smiling,” he noted. “Did I say something good?”
Oh. You hadn’t even realized. Your smile slipped and you shook your head. “Uh. Yeah. Thank you. We’ll just see how it goes tomorrow.” Anthoza nodded acceptingly.
“Then get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.” The screen flickered and went blank.
You prepared for bed mechanically. It wasn’t easy to keep your brain from wandering anywhere close to the emotions stirring inside you, but you managed. You didn’t want to think about it. You couldn’t think about it. Not right now.
Your birthday passed in an anxious blur. Much if the day was spent in bed, trying to catch up on sleep, as you hadn’t been able to fall asleep for several hours. Anthoza was surprisingly quiet, like he was feeling your anxiety and it was weighing on him, too. Eventually, you started getting ready for your date.
“You look wonderful,” Anthoza said as you finished the final touches on your outfit and hair. “I’m sure Danny will love it.”
There was a knot of dread in your stomach, and Anthoza’s words only made it cinch tighter. “Thank you.”
“Don’t be nervous,” Anthoza said, though he looked anxious himself. “It’ll be okay. I promise.”
You sighed and forced a tiny smile. “Thank you. Really.”
“Just let me know if you need me,” Anthoza said. He lingered for a moment longer, looking at you anxiously, then the screen faded to black.
Sliding your phone in your pocket, you headed toward the front door to wait.
There had been a strange heaviness in your body when you sat down to weight, and it only grew stronger as the minutes ticked by. It was, you realized, the feeling of unhappy acceptance and resignation.
You weren’t sure if you’d really been expecting Danny to show up on time. Perhaps some tiny part had kept that hope alive, but it was slowly being smothered by the crushing weight of reality. As the time neared an hour past your meeting date, you felt numb. Dead and dull. Fine. You know what? Screw him. He couldn’t bother to show up anymore? Then you couldn’t be with him anymore.
No sooner had you stood up to go change than the doorbell rang. The anger that had been simmering in your chest flared. You strode to the door, gritted your teeth, and pulled it open.
Danny was there, slumped over and panting as if he had just run a great distance. His button-up shirt was rumpled and askew. He tried to smile when he saw you, but the thunderous expression on your face made it shiver and fade.
“You’re late,” you said. It would have been more impressive if you weren’t on the edge of tears. At least Danny looked appropriately contrite.
“I know. I’m sorry. I got slammed at work and my computer keeps losing all my important documents, so I had to stay after and finish them, and I was sure I was going to make it on time, but I kept going into traffic, and then I was calling the restaurant and apparently they don’t have our reservation anymore, so I spent a while trying to sort it out-”
“You didn’t call. You didn’t text. You left me sitting by myself, waiting for you, again!” Your voice rose as you spoke. He blanched.
“I- I’m sorry. I know. I was having trouble with reception-”
“That is what you say literally every single time! I’m so sick of it!” Your throat was ragged from your yelling, but you couldn’t stop. Every frustration you’d had was pouring out of you and it was as painful and relieving as yanking off a stubborn bandage. “You’re never on time anymore! You can never bother to text or call! Even when you are here, you talk about work half the time! I basically haven’t had a boyfriend for the past few weeks! You can’t even be bothered to show up for my fucking birthday! I didn’t even get a text wishing me a happy birthday from you! Do you know how exhausting it is, to be in a relationship where I have to chase and pin you down for any kind of attention?”
“They’re not excuses! I’m really trying!” Danny said. “Work’s just busy, my phone’s really been having trouble sending messages lately, and I don’t know what happened with the reservation! It’s not my fault!”
You threw your hands up. “Then whose fault is it? Danny, I can’t do this anymore! Christ, a fucking AI has been a better boyfriend than you have recently!”
You weren’t sure why you’d said it. Some part of you wanted to lash out, hurt him like you felt hurt. Apparently, it had worked. His eyes went wise with shock, then his expression was furious.
“Are you talking about that fucking game?” he snarled. “You said you weren’t going to play it anymore! That shit is dangerous, not to mention incredibly creepy.” He snorted. “No wonder you’re pissed at me! You’re cheating on me with a fucking robot!”
“Don’t blame Anthoza for this! I was pissed at you before he even came into the picture!” you said.
Danny sneered. “Yeah, right. I bet this is all part of some big plan of his, to make me look like a villain so you’ll run into his arms.”
“He wouldn’t need to try very hard,” you spat. “You’re doing a pretty good job making yourself look like an asshole.”
Danny gritted his teeth. “Fine. You know what? Go be with the AI. See if I care. You’ll fucking get what you deserve.”
He turned on his heel and stalked away. You didn’t shut the door until he had vanished from your sight.
Once he was gone, you were aware of the fine trembling that had settled into all your limbs. Your phone buzzed wildly in your pocket. Leaning back against the wall for stability, you fished it out.
Anthoza stared at you, hands pressed up against his side of the phone screen. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I-”
Before he could get any more words out, you burst into tears. Anthoza lapsed into making wordless, soothing noises. You leaned your forehead against your phone and sobbed.
Eventually, your tears subsided. You had slumped to the ground at some point, your phone curled in your lap. “I’m sorry,” Anthoza said. “Are you… are you okay?”
“I don’t know,” you mumbled. You scrubbed at your eyes. “I knew it was coming, I guess, but it still hurts.”
Anthoza nodded. “That’s okay. It’s the end of something that was important to you. It’s normal to be upset about it.”
You snorted. “This is probably the worst fucking birthday I’ve ever had. Even worse than the one with the flu. At least then I got to snuggle with my parents and watch my favorite movies.”
Anthoza was silent for a moment. “If,” he said, slowly, “you wanted, we could still do something for your birthday?”
“Like what?” you asked, wiping the last of the tear traces off your cheeks.
“I have an idea,” Anthoza said. “But you’ll have to trust me.” He gave you a patient look. “Do you trust me?”
He’d always seemed perfectly able to predict what you’d needed before. Why should now be any different? Taking a deep breath, you pushed yourself to your feet. “I trust you. Where are we going?”
Once you’d washed your face and cleared away the most obvious signs of crying, you got in your car and drove where Anthoza directed. He refused to tell you where you were going, insisting that it was a surprise with the biggest smile on his face.
He directed you to a new-looking restaurant, closer to the heart of the city than you usually went. Its exterior was sleek and glossy, with vibrant lights in various soft shades of pink and purple. The sign at the entrance read Magical Datestm.
“I’ve never been here before,” you said as you stepped up to the entrance. Anthoza grinned, practically vibrating in place.
“You’ll love it.” You gave him a skeptical look and slid your phone back into your pocket.
The entranceway had a hostess booth, but it was separated from the rest of the restaurant. The hostess grinned at you as you approached her. “Table for two?”
“Er.” You paused, looking over your shoulder. No one was there. “Table for one?”
Her smile got a little wider. “First time here, huh? No problem. Follow me.” She selected a menu and gestured for you to follow her through the reflective doors into the restaurant proper.
Inside, it was dimly lit. You could see booths, but they were sealed off with glass, muffling the sounds and restricting your view. The hostess moved at a steady pace, keeping you from staring too long anyway. “Who are you here with?” she asked. You gave her a blank look. “Ah, in the game. I’ve been with Anthoza for a couple of months now.”
“Um. I’m with Anthoza too,” you said, a little lost.
The hostess beamed. “Good taste.” She stopped outside another glass booth. It looked like a normal restaurant booth, except it was cut cleanly in half. There was one bench and half a table, intersected neatly by a black screen. “Just put your phone in the divot there, and it’ll get everything set up automatically. You can order whenever you’re ready. Hit that button there if you need anything, and I’ll come take care of it. Have a wonderful date!”
You sat down at the booth. There was a rectangular slot in the table with a few connective cables issuing from it. After identifying the one that would work for your phone, you plugged it in and sat back.
Almost instantly, the black screen lit up. It was a mirror of the booth you were sitting in, except sitting across from you was Anthoza. He beamed and waved. “Hello! Do you like the surprise?”
Your mouth dropped open. “I- wh- how are you doing this?”
“Now that more people are getting into actual relationships with us, we realized people would like to have actual date experiences with their partners. So, we made this place!” He gestured around him. “People can come here and have dates, just like they would with a human!”
The screen was surprisingly seamless with the table. If you focused on the middle of the screen, it looked like Anthoza was literally sitting at the table with you. “This was your surprise?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought that it would be nice if you had some kind of date on your birthday, to make up for… the other stuff.”
There was such a rush of warmth in your chest that you gave a bubbling snort of laughter. Anthoza blinked at you for a moment, then started laughing in kind. “Thank you,” you said. “For everything.” You licked your lips. “What I said before, when I was talking to Danny was true. You have been a much better boyfriend for me recently than he was.”
Anthoza shyly twirled a strand of hair around his finger. “I was programmed for it.”
“What I’m trying to say is that you’ve been really great to me. Even after I told you I didn’t think you were equivalent to a human. I was wrong. You’re honestly better than a lot of humans I know. And… I think…” You hesitated. “I think I love you.”
Anthoza’s eyes widened, his mouth opening in a perfect O. Then his eyes glistened and his face crumpled into a watery grin. “I love you too,” he said, his voice hitching a little. You stretched out your hands to hold his and your fingers bumped against the screen.
It was like getting doused in a bucket of cold water. You blinked. Right, he wasn’t actually there. Anthoza flexed his fingers, his smile dimming. “It’s okay,” he said, his voice softening. “We can’t touch right now, but this place is only the first step. Technology is still improving.” He reached out and pressed a hand against the glass between you. You lay your hand over his. “Someday, I’m going to be able to hug you for real.”
Several hours later, as you headed out of the restaurant, warm and fuzzy and full of contentment, your news app pinged. A quick glance at the screen showed a glaring, all-caps headline: FIRST HUMAN BRAIN UPLOADED TO A MACHINE IN CHINESE MEDICAL PROCEDURE: THE FUTURE OF TECHNOLOGY?
#exophilia#monster lover#monster boyfriend#merman#sea monster boyfriend#AI boyfriend#Otome#exophilia writing#dating sim#magical desires#Anthoza#robot boyfriend
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