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acapelladitty · 2 days

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Trouble Like A Mugshot (1.5k)

Pairing: Lucy Maclean/Cooper Howard

Summary: After a long day of travelling the wastelands, Lucy is feeling horny and asks Cooper if he wants to have sex with her. A question which is much more complicated than she could have possibly known.

(A/N: I might turn this into a short series of moments showcasing the pairs developing relationship from this to hard nsfw if that's something folks would like to see.)

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Lucy Maclean was no stranger to the difficult to ignore feelings which were pressing at her body. Fingers slightly trembling, breath coming in shorter bursts than she would admit to, eyes unable to pull themselves fully away from the lounging ghoul who reclined in his nearby bunk with a relaxed stance; cowboy hat tipped across his face as he feigned sleep.

Lucy Maclean knew herself enough to understand that her restlessness wasn't the radition sickness which had recently started to touch at her peripherals again. Nor was it the fact that it had been weeks since she'd had any time to herself that wasn't shadowed by either her ghoulish companion or some other entity.

Lucy Maclean was horny and she was never one to deny herself a simple, sneaky little indulgence when the mood took her.

"Hey, Cooper." She called, fingers rolling across her bare forearms as she sat with her back to the wall, legs crossed in a neat pile. "You awake and listening to me?"

"Hard not to with those foghorn vocals." A grumpy response, muffled by the hat rang back at her. "What are you yapping your flap about?

"Do you want to have sex?"

In their time together, Lucy had never witnessed Cooper doing anything that her vault lessons had taught her were sexual acts. He didn't touch himself around her, didn't disappear for some self-relief as the boys did, didn't make any kind of pass at her like some of the others had done before her husband had been selected. As far as she knew, maybe the ghoul didn't even feel the same things she did, and that realisation made her roll back on her question almost as quickly as she had asked it.

"I mean, if you can have sex that is. I don't know if your," Lucy paused, unsure how to describe her partners physical state without causing offence, "condition, makes it possible. I don't even know if you have the right parts for it but there's other ways of experiencing pleasure. We could use our mou-"

Cutting herself off as her babbling reach a new octave, Lucy watched as Cooper's body - his frame stock still since she had asked her initial question - finally stirred into action. A reddened hand slowly rose from its position by his hip until it reached the cowboy hat, plucking the leather from his face as he turned to look at his bunkmate and travelling companion with an indescribable expression; various emotions fluttering through his typically stoic face.

"I know your experiences with ghouls are limited, princess." Cooper spoke patiently, voice low as he fired the hated nickname at her, her vocal dislike of the new monkier making it a very quick favourite of his. "But the whole package is still intact so let's get that established before you go telling people falsehoods about my good person."

"Okay. Noted." Lucy held her hands up apologetically and her knees touched as she lounged against the concrete wall which was supporting her. "But you didn't answer me. Do you want to? Have sex, I mean? Last time i did was with my assigned husband and it was good enough, great even, but then he tried to kill me and it was this whole thing."

Mentally filing that information away for future use and subtle further investigation, Cooper lay back fully against his own cot and tilted his head closer in her direction, thankful for the dimness of their shared room as it shielded most of his features.

"As much as I'd love to bury my bone in a new patch of land, I don't think that's necessarily the best choice in terms of this little partnership we've stitched together."

Indicating his sewn finger, he wagged it at her dismissively as a discomforting sensation flooded his stomach, mild arousal at the thought of some tail mixing with something dangerous that set his teeth on edge.

"Why not? It's only sex."

Suddenly feeling older than he had any right to, Cooper fell silent as he mused on her question for a moment.

Lucy Maclean.

Eyes as big as a doe, that girl was built soft but he was lucky enough to see people for what they truly were and the steel which lurked beneath the painful optimism and naivety that shone free of her would make her a dangerous player if she ever truly entered the game. He felt the burden of his own cruelty at times, cornering her into making decisions that would cause her little vaultie friends to vomit if they knew the violence she enacted, but with every difficult choice came a fresh coating to that steel which would see her survive and thrive in the wastelands.

It's only sex.

In his life, Cooper Howard had enjoyed less sexual partners than many would believe. A sticky fumbling in the upper level of an old barn had been his first, the other party a sweet girl from a nearby ranch who was two years older and knew what she wanted from him. Pretty soon after that came Barb and as soon as he laid eyes on her he never saw anything past her.

War was terrible for the other men and many lost themselves in drink and the women who haunted the barracks and backlines looking for poor souls to feed on. But not him. Never him.

Not when he had to come home to Barb.

Even when married and at the height of his fame, when aspiring young things would throw themselves at him, their perfumes overpowered by the stink of wine and cigarettes, he had rebuffed them politely. He was loyal and he enjoyed the fruits of that loyalty as he held his wife in his arms and basked in the sweet sounds that she would make as they fucked. Hell, she had even given him a daughter and he loved her every day for it.

War never changes.

But he did.

And fuck him if his new appearance and designation as a Ghoul didn't screw him out of any chance of some stress relief as he wandered the wastelands. Might as well have been a fucking leper for all the tail which was now afforded to him and his leathery visage.

Not for Lucy Maclean though.

She, it seemed, didn't care about any of that.

"Did I say something wrong? The leaders explained all acts of intercourse to us so I know what I'm doing and I consent fully."

Lucy's voice, heated with an almost defensive lilt, broke into his musings and Cooper blinked at her as the hole that made up his nose flared while he inhaled deeply.

"I don't doubt that, darling. I've seen how you handle a pistol." Reverting to his typical sarcasm as he looked, truly looked, at her, Cooper sighed at the earnestness which oozed from her features. "But I'm gonna have to decline. Politely."

"Is it because of me? Did i do somethig wrong? I mean, my husband didn't seem to mind but then he was planning on killing me anyway so y'know?" Making a wild gesture with her fingers as she spoke, the casualness of her speech wasn't enough to mask the genuine insecurity which threaded through the questions.

"You're fine. Attractive little thing, even. I think any man would jump at the chance to have you wrapped around them like an old holster."

He wasn't lying- and he wasn't blind. She was a good looking young woman, her innocence flickering like the dull embers of a welcoming fire in the darkness of the wastelands. She was enthusiastic, eager, and damn pretty with those big eyes and curved figure which hid beneath the bulky clothes which she used for protection. More than once he'd caught himself glancing at her as she bent to snatch up things from the floor and the few times he did allow himself to fall into something like sleep featured breathy moans and the feeling of long, brunette strands brushing through his ungloved hands. Mouthy too so he knew she would be a vocal one - probably yowling like a hellcat.

It would be so easy to have her.

A simple yes and she would no doubt leap into action, shedding those clothes as quickly as did her weapons when trying to find peaceful solutions to violent problems. He would treat her right, everh inch the gentleman cowboy and no doubt much better than that shady husband she'd unwittingly fucked. He'd show her things with his fingers and mouth that would have her screaming loud enough to wake up all the devils in hell. Against the cot, against the wall and against whatever furniture she wanted, he could show her how a real man treats a woman as they both burned off some stress.

Feeling a very definite stirring in his groin, Cooper was quick to banish the dangerous thoughts.

"But a bad man like me shouldn't be allowed near a pretty little thing yourself. You're ready for a lot, Lucy Maclean, but you ain't ready for that."

Something almost like understanding passed through her gaze and Lucy nodded, instead exhaling deeply as she tapped the back of her head against the wall behind her.

"In that case, would you mind leaving for an hour so that I can masturbate, please?"

Cursing himself for the little shred of morality which plucked at his heart and refused to allow him to ruin this unknowing tease of a woman, Cooper dutifully rose to his feet and marched to the nearby door.

"You get half an hour." He grunted, barely tilting his head towards her as he stormed out into the nighttime air - determined to get far enough away that there was no chance that he would hear her and break his determined stance.

Besides, he might not be fucking her but as his cock pressed against his slacks, he wasn't masochistic enough to deny himself a similar pleasure and the distance would also give him some much needed alone time.

Goddamn Lucy Maclean.

#fallout #fallout amazon #lucy maclean #cooper howard #lucy x cooper #ghoucy #lucy x ghoul #cooper x lucy #ghoul x lucy #fallout smut #walton goggins #ella purnell

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str4wbaeby · 13 hours

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𝓶𝓪 𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓮 pt.3

ᵒᵇˢᵉˢˢᵉᵈ ᵃᵘᵗʰᵒʳ ˣ ᵇᵒᵒᵏʷᵒʳᵐ ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

⤷ note : pt.1 | pt.2 | moodboard

it has been a week since you've last visited the bookstore and a week since your encounter with Ren. though you two continuously text back and forth throughout the day, with him even ringing you up a few times, you still missed seeing his pretty face. there was just something about him, that made you crave for him more and it was definitely something more than just his beauty; maybe his attractive personality? or the way he carried himself so elegantly or maybe the fact that he was a social success, effortlessly mixing in with people while managing a perfect reputation.

he was completely opposite of you and probably someone you desired to be. you were introverted; always minding your own business on the sidelines with very little to say. you found solace in your own company, often indulging in reading or studying. it's not like you didn't have friends, but you were not someone who was easy to befriend either. keeping that in mind, you were quite shocked at how fast Ren managed to wiggle his way into your small little bubble. and you were not gonna lie, but you did infact enjoy his company a lot, frequently finding yourself coming back to him to share the little bits of your life as Ren eagerly waited for you.

you didn't notice how your thoughts swayed away your attention as you zoned out from reality, until you heard a notification pop up on your phone.

"I was thinking if you wanted to grab coffee at the cafe near the bookstore tomorrow. it's been so long since I saw your lovely little face! it'll be my treat btw </3"

of course, it was none other than Ren. the heart emoticon at the end of the text made your heart beat a little faster as you quickly typed out a response.

"sure, why not! I'm starting to miss you too. let's meet at bookstore tomorrow and then we can grab some coffee"

"alrighty! see you tomorrow then, pretty girl", Ren smiled softly at the screen, looking over at the texts you've sent him throughout the day. how can someone even be this cute? he thought, rolling over on his bed to face the wall as he caught a quick glance of the several pictures of you that decorated his room.

Ren Takahashi had everything one could ever desire. he had fame, he had money, a successful career and a respectable image to uphold; well, everything except one thing. and that was his muse. Ren's passion for writing drove from his unsuccessful love life, where he never really got to experience true love from the people he had been with. this resulted in him into resorting to use writing as his only means to express the desires that dwelled deep within his heart. but he was starting to become a little frustrated. he wanted to be loved too, to be cared for, to be held in the arms of his beloved. he wanted to feel what it was like when someone devoted their entire self in just loving him, having eyes for none other. and that would the greatest success in his eyes.

and that's when he met you.

he still remembers the day, the moment he first saw you. it wasn't unusual for one to get stuck in the morning traffic, but amidst the chaos of honking horns and impatient drivers, his gaze found you, and time seemed to stand still. the sun illuminated your features, casting a glow that made you appear almost ethereal. from that moment on, he couldn't shake the feeling that he had stumbled upon something truly special amidst the mundane routine of daily life. you were standing on the sidewalk with a bunch of books in your hands, the gentle breeze moving through your hair, tousling it in the process. and God, you took his breathe away. it was in that moment, he believed "love at first sight" to be true as he profusely thanked the universe to have listened to his wishes.

and something that caught his attention even more was the corner of one of his book peaking out from the bunch you were carrying, a smile making it's way upto his lips subconsciously.

he entered his office in a good mood, that day. he was supposed to start working on the draft of his new novel and let's just say, he found the inspiration for it.

though he knew it could be a bit difficult to get your complete information, but with the connections he had in hand, the task became relatively easier and before he even knew it his obsession with you started to root deep inside his heart.

the more he observed you, the more captivated he got by your presence.

you were just so perfect. how could you not be his?

it bothered him deeply, whenever the thought crossed his mind; not being able to pay attention to anything else as his mind bugged him to take you. he wanted you and he was ready to do anything to have you. you were his since the moment he laid his eyes on you, you just didn't know it yet.

as much as he loved to observe you from the shadows, it was finally time for him to introduce himself. standing in the empty isle, he saw how your small figure reached out to take his book, struggling a bit to get a hold of it. he literally squealed like a little girl inside. you made him feel like a teenager all over again. he waited, until you were so immersed in the book that you failed to notice him creeping up behind you. but when you did notice him though, looking up from the book with your adorable doe eyes and flushed cheeks to see his towering frame, his heart melted right then and there in that very moment, every second he had previously spend yearning for you, begging the Gods to listen to his desperate pleas felt all worth it.

he knew he finally had you in his grasp. and, he's never gonna let go of you

#yandere imagines #yandere scenarios #yandere prompt #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #male oc #yandere insert #yandere fic #yandere male #yandere male x reader #yandere boyfriend #x reader #x reader insert #x gn reader #yandere x reader #yandere #mochiii.writes #divider creds: cafekitsune

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marrijaydeboo · 6 months

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twst characters and reader who worked at Disneyland.

Imagine okay hear me out

I just think it'd be funny and silly and maybe I want to see Yuu grit their teeth as they see that black and white mouse walk around and foam at the mouth (felt)

#twisted wonderland #Twst #Twisted wonderland x reader #Twst x reader #Maybe this is self indulging my experience #Twst oc #Twsited wonderland oc

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hayakawapartner · 4 months

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aki with a s/o with chronic pain . . .

!!! this post is sfw, but minors dni with this post/blog !!!

notes: gn!disabled!reader, this is self indulgent i tried to make this fitting for more general chronic pain! reader might come across as ehlers danlos-coded (is that a thing?? weird thing for me to type)

aki is already so sweet and caring with you, of course he would be helpful when your chronic pain flares up.

he notices that you’re moving a bit slower, taking shorter steps, taking a longer time to get up from your seat… and he’s immediately there to help

VERY quick to ask what you need, but he also tries to offer your usual solutions

“where does it hurt? do you need a heating pad? painkillers? tiger balm? do you want me to run a warm bath?”

if you have fluctuating mobility/occasionally use a mobility aid, he does his best to keep everything in a convenient spot for you. crutches near the bed so you can slide your arms in and get up with a bit more ease, rollator in a place where you don’t trip but it’s easy to access…

he was initially Overly Careful with you so he didn’t aggravate your pain further, but as he grows used to your needs, he’s still careful but he’s not scared of breaking you like he used to be

kisses the back of your neck while gently massaging your sore joints/muscles, murmuring soft “i love you”s and “you’re gonna be okay”s while he’s rubbing tiger balm onto your sorest spots

if he hears your joints pop he gets really nervous until you specify if it was a good/bad pop

if a spot is too sore, he won’t touch it in case he hurts you even more.

and if you just Can’t get out of bed for the day? he calls off from work to take care of you. brings you comfort food, helps you to the bathroom when you need it, makes sure you’re hydrated and taking your meds…

SPEAKING OF MEDS. this man is so good at reminding you

“did you forget to take your meds? maybe you should take them now, love. it’ll help you feel less sore.”

he’s very careful to make sure he doesn’t shame you for forgetting meds, for needing help, for being in pain. he just does whatever he can to make sure you’re okay and empathises with your complaints about your aches.

while he hates seeing you in pain during a flare-up, he becomes extra doting just to make sure your needs are met. cooks your fav comfort meal, makes sure all your pillows are soft and arranged to keep you comfy, refills your water bottle whenever it’s almost empty, etc.

he’s just so loving… aaauuuu

#aki hayakawa #aki hayakawa x reader #disabled reader #op #ive been having a lot of flareups due to the weather recently :’) rain my fucking beloathed #so this thought has been massively comforting to me #this was written 99% for self indulgence so it is based on my own personal experiences #but i tried to make it a lil broader and include things i dont use so others can enjoy :-)#i use forearm crutches sometimes + cant take many painkillers so tiger balm is my bestest friend #btw just a tip. if you cant afford tiger balm? get coralite from the dollar store! same pain relief (i use the patches)#akiiii please help me put pain patches on my back and tell me its going to be okay…… cries and cries and CRIES #maybe ill make an eds-specific version for even more self indulgence #also i wanted to include aki carrying you since i like tht for me but idk if others like tht when it comes to chronic pain so. left tht out #i might write more disabled/disabled-coded reader stuff later #this was just me being sore at 1am and throwing my thoughts out #or maybe ill write more aki things since i like him very much #going to post this and sleep. GOODNIGHT HAYAKAWA NATION 💪#imagine

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callforhope · 3 months

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Y/n prompt idea

Imagine you, a mcu fan, just having finished season 2 of Loki suddenly get ripped through time and space, and land in front of the cell of an all too familiar mischievous god, not that long after the first Avengers movie

And you have all this knowledge about him and a different him and about his family and the way he was treated, and you know what is going to happen

But you also know that timelines going off-script do not get pruned out of existence anymore. So honestly what’s holding you back from changing everything… just a little bit

#I fell into a big mcu spiral after Loki #and this is what my brain comes up with #loki #tva #thor #thor 2 the dark world #the avengers #loki laufeyson #mostly just a fun little self-indulgent thought experiment #y/n #loki spoilers #maybe #prompt #fanfiction

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coolermick · 2 months

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*sounds of hasty steps and a door slamming open * HAPPY AROMANTIC AWARENESS WEEK

#there may or may not be 6 hours left on my end but i would explose if i didnt post about it #i wanted to post some stuff about my aromantic experience throught the week but i kept procrastinating and it felt a little self indulgent #lol #maybe ill post some of it eventually

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sysig · 28 days

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DAAAAAAAAAAAAX <3 <3 (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #DAX #ZEX #Hello I have been inconsolable ever since ZEX mentioned that he wished DAX were there so he wouldn't be the only VUX #It is a hideously addictive thought - DAX being there to support his Admiral - he certainly could use it!#Talana got pulled in from Zelnick's girlfriend's ''real'' counterpart - why not Dexter!! Hghgh #It sets my brain on fire (terribly affectionate)#I love DAX sm ;; I love ZEX sm! I love their dynamic sm ;;;;#He would've been such a comfort hhh my head is full of all these horrifically self-indulgent scenes of They ♥#Firstly of them meeting up with each other!! ZEX is very tactile haha <3 He needs the physical reassurance so bad haha ;u;#Not quite like twining arms but DAX won't recoil at least <3 Hugs good!#Can you tell that second one was a spacefiller lol #ZEX very well acquainted with crying now haha - at least it's for something positive! For once :')#Ugh imagining their little differences in approach is so fjdkslafdf - same stimuli different outcomes! I love them hgh #I like to imagine DAX just observing the showers with a distant annoyance-interest like ''What the heck is that'' lol #Very dissimilar from ZEX's Intense interest but not actually picking up any skills from the experience lol #But really it's just my secret desire for DAX to learn how to wash hair so he can corral his Admiral into taking care of his body haha #Two VUX would have a very different kind of scaffolding of learning how to get along! They'd both benefit from whatever one finds out!#Might keep ZEX just a teensy bit more on track of finding things out to report back and help DAX out hehe <3 Maybe possibly lol #Still wouldn't stop him from hitting on DAX hehehehe ♪ What's this? Someone he likes and trusts in a human form? Hmm :)#Hhhh they ;; Recreating the scene of Max coming onto Dex and then Dexter turning it around on him - not that they'd know #I'm fine this is fine I'm not crying or anything ;;;; Parallels are my favourites I can't stand this <3 <3 #There's just so much to think about! And it's all so much to me!! ♥

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deargravity · 2 months

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I saw you reblogged the fruit asks so here is one for you 🍌

🍌 - In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

top 10 hardest questions to ask someone who does not have a sense of humour but this scene from a fic i will never publish anywhere.

context: imayoshi and his sister at 6.45 a.m. on a Monday morning when he's searching for his house keys, making breakfast and simultaneously trying to get her to finish her Math homework (her ass is not studying!) (she's just like me fr)

i would say more but if i think too long about him i'll need to remove my brain and blow on it like a cartridge to return it to normal function.

#asks #knb #imayoshi shoichi #the very self indulgent fic that is for my eyes only #essentially a terrarium for me to experiment on imayoshi #i dont care for him tho it's not that serious for me #it's not that serious at all #maybe one day i'll edit bits of it and show it to the world

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short666bread · 10 months

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The Park

#holy shit #I’m so excited to live near this dog #I’m not even a dog person rly but she’s special #and perfect #a silver lining to the gut wrenching left field homesickness I felt scrolling thru my camera roll to get to old art #it’ll only be a few years and if I want to go back I can go back and it will be even better bc like #I’ll have used that time #to accomplish things and gain experience #blah blah blah #shut up and make a self indulgent zine abt it #maybe I will #bugthots

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undefeatablesin · 1 year

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Me: I finished all these ref sheets for my hunter how fortunate for m-

Also me: but.....what if I made them...more outfits :)

#sin speaking #(had this thought at 5 am as is when i usually start experiencing brain activity)#(i had a DEEP thonk.......because the ng+ mechanic in bloodborne made me thonk)#(and i kind of like the concept of a hunter that cant actually leave the dream even if gehrman tries to release them)#(that maybe indeed the moon presence is who dictates who can and cant leave the dream ultimately including hunters in it)#(and this hunter has proven a little too valuable in their abilities to release hence their tie to the dream remains)#(so tldr i want ruza to be one such hunter who gets stuck in the cycle and cant actually leave lmao)#(and therefore her appearance and such changes during each cycle)#(outfit and weapons wise at least lmao and maybe scars-wise)#(I A L S O....had a self indulgent thonk about how paleblood hunters are somehow marked by the moon presence to signify them as such)#(which is why ruza has one strangely blue eye that was meant to mimic the moon)#(but i wasnt sure if that was too cliche or anime to make canon to my story alfldldlfl)#(but since the game loves eyes it felt appropriate 2 me HMPH)#(sin experiences a Thought: the novel)

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oscill4te · 6 months

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I know journaling is helpful esp if you have memory problems, i always avoid looking back at my journals honestly. but damn.. Reading my 2022 shits been so painful.

2023 genuinely was a much better year even if did spend much of it cooped inside my room, looking at a screen. Hoping for an even better 2024. I know its only October but hey. Im always jumping ahead a few months mentally. It may as well be winter already as far as Im concerned. I want to get this winter over with. I feel very hopeful for 2024 for some reason

#2023 is good its just a very hazy blur. i was thinking not using weed would help but nah. ive always been like this #weed didnt make my memory worse its always been shit it seems #reading these entries like “when did that even happen..?”#there are a lot of things in my life I want to change #im just glad i stopped using weed. looking at my 2022 experiences is kind of... making me feel compassion :(#weed dependency + risky sx was my escapism go-to in 2022 and now in 2023 it is cartoons and loud music #i think its safe to say i am gettint better. im learning to appreciate life again without being high. i got out of an abusive relationship #im focusing on me. maybe to a very unhealthy degree. but im doing things that make me happy when i can. im cooking amazing food #im drawing a lot. increasing communication w alters. working on how to handle my cptsd. im getting better even if it #doesnt look like it #self indulgent but i think i will be happy looking back on this one day. to future E; you got this #and hopefully u won't be doomscrolling in 2024 but even if you are. its so very understandable. lol #only today am i realizing after rereading old diary entries... im genuinely more stable even if it does not look like it #the amount of dissociation it takes for me to stay stable is sad though. id it even genuine stability at that point? im not sure #but im keeping afloat financially. homewise. at work. even if i feel like life is ripping me at the seams sometimes #but who doesn't feel like that #i think its safe to say i am reaching some type of stability. even if it easily crumbles apart. at least it is there..#txt

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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years

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Picture This: Tuvok gets asked out on a date exactly one(1) times in his academy years and it’s by a girl he hasn’t really spent too much time with interpersonally.

They work the same shifts and have one class together (I’m imagining the academy has a sort of work-study thing or an internship so you have hands-on experience by the time you graduate on to Starfleet proper) where they work side by side, mostly in silence.

And Tuvok’s surprised that she asks him out. He didn’t realize that people could see him in that way, especially non-vulcans who mostly just seem to view him as a bore or a spoilsport. Everytime they say something along those lines he feels a little proud. (He tells himself he feels nothing besides that, an appropriately dull pride). He thinks of his father and the cave.

Tuvok is also, at this point, very much crushing on some guy he sometimes works closely with because they both don’t like to talk too much. Tuvok once saw him half-reading a little book of poetry and reciting it monotonously to himself as if memorizing it. This struck him. And that frightened him to some degree, because of past experiences. (He thinks of his father and the cave and the fervid half-love before it)

[Un]fortunately this guy just got a girlfriend and Tuvok, even though he knows it was never going to work (hence his not making any sort of move but contrary to him learning makeup because this guy said once that he liked people with ‘bold looks.’) it’s still quietly devastated him. His devastation shames him and grows by the day, unattended to.

And because Tuvok is young and lonely and devastated and that guy has a girlfriend and this girl in front of him asking him out is perfectly pleasant and he’s still got a little bit of teenaged rebellion left in him - he says yes.

They arrange to meet at a cafe on the promenade or wherever and Tuvok prepares for the date extensively. He does, like, date research in order to be prepared for what happens on a date (he’s never been on one and doesn’t know what’s expected and he’s been told he’s not a good conversationalist in general, let alone by human standards).

The day of the date he’s heading there when a fellow ensign calls out to him like “Tuvok! You look fancy!” and he says yes. “Going somewhere?” Yes. “....Care to share?” -sigh- a date. “With Rhoda?” Tuvok realizes he doesn’t know the first name of the girl he’s supposed to be going on a date with - he only knows her as Teral, her last name. He says he’d rather not talk about it then leaves.

He goes to the place of their date and waits. and waits. and waits. Until eventually the woman behind the counter sympathetically says she doesn’t think anyone’s coming.

“That would seem to be the case, yes.”

“I’m sorry, hon.”

“Why?”

“I feel bad. Do you want a piece of pie?”

Tuvok leaves the cafe feeling lonelier than ever. He wonders why the ensign from before spoke to him - was there some hidden meaning to their conversation? He wishes he understood human mannerisms more so he’d know. He wishes he knew Teral’s first name. He stops himself from wishing more.

The girl doesn’t come to class the next day but he sees her as he’s heading up to his dorm. She’s sitting on the stairs with a friend and she looks stricken when she sees him. “Tuvok!” Hello. There’s a silence which Tuvok cannot decipher. He begins to move again.

The girl stops him, she says sorry about not showing up. She had something she forgot she had to do and she couldn’t contact him. Her friend is leaning on her leg and looking up at him with an expression that is again, to Tuvok, unreadable.

He tells Teral not to let it worry her and her friend sighs. “See? I told you he wouldn’t mind.” Teral shushes him but Tuvok is already walking past them. He ignores Teral’s attempts to speak further and shuts himself in his dorm.

The other bed in his room is thankfully empty. His roommate is polite enough but sometimes when Tuvok speaks he repeats whatever he said back to him, mimicking his inflection with a smile before continuing on. Tuvok doesn’t know if this is friendly or not. He tells himself he doesn’t ask about it because it doesn’t matter but he worries that’s a lie. He worries, late at night, that he actually just doesn’t want confirmation that it isn’t.

On his desk Tuvok has a barely begun letter that only contains the words ‘Earth is lonely.’ The word ‘lonely’ is made especially dark to cover up the fact that he had written ‘frightening’ earlier before remembering himself. Both are unacceptable.

He misses Vulcan. At least he understood when people disliked him. He knew what the rules were and when he broke them.

He wonders, as he pulls a thermos of replicated plomeek soup (or what passes as that here) from his bag, why he’s so incredibly disappointed. He didn’t even know her first name.

In his bag is also a small box, inside of which is a pressed flower. He ignores it. He will later place it in one of the many common rooms and it will be gone to whomever wants it.

He wants desperately to quit, to return home a failure once again. Surely it would be better than this, being an alien amongst aliens.

He quiets himself. He sips the soup. He pulls out a PADD and begins a letter in earnest.

Mother,

All is well…

#this is SO self indulgent but cringe is dead and this is my blog <- a calming mantra repeated through my teeth #I'm a sucker for people asking me very politely if I'd want to do things so here's the Tuvok gets stoodup monolith #ummmm its....itssomething about....listen - ensign/cadet Tuvok really gets me dude #I think about how exasperated and passionate he was in that one episode - flashback maybe?#and how that must have been building for a long time #and I was thinking about how Tuvok's reputation on Vulcan at this stage probably isn't good - Vulcans really value family names #and respectability and Tuvok being so lovesick that he gets kicked out of school and banished from his home is probably not respectable #I imagine he stayed in Starfleet for so long despite clearly being unhappy because he didn't want to be a failure again #But more concerning this ... thing. I was thinking about how strange and alien being amongst humans (aliens) would be...#like to Tuvok he's a normal guy and these weird aliens are so confusing and humans ARE confusing there's so many rules and tiny gestures #I wanted to make it unclear what any of the humans are doing really...what they're thinking and what they mean - it's a mystery #Is it meanspirited? Innocent? Is it a joke on you or are you supposed to laugh along?#Either way............everything's fine #A younger Tuvok just ignores emotions he doesn't want to deal with - by the time he gets older he doesn't do this v_v he's learned #my writing #I GUESS;;;#st voyager #Tuvok #After this experience Tuvok nods to himself and says the logical thing would be to just not go on any more dates #not because hes hurt or anything but because it's just...the logical thing to do. of course.#He'll just wait until either him or his bondmate go through pon farr v_v #meanwhile in medschool T'Pel is like: It's illogical for me to wait to have such experiences until my marriage. Come over here and kiss me.#Tuvok loves her for it and we ALL love her for it #awww....wouldn't it be cute if T'Pel took him on a date? I think it would #double date with Mark and Janeway so they don't feel as awkward...but then T&T just start wandering off on their own #Janeway: You're supposed to be here with me.#Tuvok: -at the top of a ferris wheel watching T'Pel's fascination- I will be down soon.

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