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cookinguptales · 10 months

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So… I’ve been turning all this over in my head since last night, and I wanted to make a post about vampiric transformation as sex, and how it’s being used in wwdits as a metaphor for sexual repression, sexual freedom, virginity, and cuckolding.

Before I even get into the obvious metaphors about virginity and cuckolding, I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room. Guillermo’s sexual repression and how that’s come to find an outlet in his vampiric longing.

Guillermo is highly repressed, sexually speaking, but I don’t think he’s asexual. He’s shown interest in sex several times, but in an uncomfortable “this can’t be for me yet” kind of way. He was clearly raised Catholic and has internalized a lot of that shame re: sex, especially gay sex. He wants intimacy, but he’s also internalized the idea that wanting these things is dangerous and shameful.

But… the vampiric world seems to symbolize all the things that Guillermo wants but cannot have. He wants to be strong, powerful, attractive, and sexually liberated. As much as their openness about sex embarrasses him, there’s a certain longing there, too. He didn’t just want to be handsome as a vampire — he explicitly used the word “sexy.”

A vampiric Guillermo is a version of Guillermo that gets to have sex. Loudly, proudly, and without shame. It’s a version of him that is wanted, that wants, and who gets to have the precise kind of intimacy he's always craved.

Now, how much Guillermo has actually done sexually is still up for a lot of debate in fandom, but I think that’s kind of immaterial. For most of the show, Guillermo clearly wasn’t having the kind of intimacy that he wanted to be having, and he only started to even begin to allow himself to seriously consider all that in s4, when he got a boyfriend and came out to his family.

As being gay and wanting to be a vampire.

Guillermo is finally starting to own both his homosexuality and his vampiric life, and that means he’s finally starting to explore sex.

Now… At the end of s4, I talked about how Guillermo going to Derek in the finale had the air of a person who’d been fantasizing about losing their virginity in a certain way all their life — but then they finally give up on those dreams and hire a sex worker instead. There’s a resignation there in Guillermo that he couldn’t get it “the old-fashioned way,” he’s disappointed and jaded when it comes to intimate relationships, and now he’s tired of waiting for love and just wants a business transaction.

I wasn’t quite expecting for them to push that metaphor even more in s5! The money aspect was almost forgotten (Did… Derek even take the money? Why is he still cleaning toilets?) but the scene with Derek biting Guillermo was clearly a metaphorical virginity scene.

Guillermo’s nervous eagerness, his growing realization that this wasn’t actually the way he wanted it to happen. Asking Derek if he’d ever done this before and figuring out if he was “ready.” Taking off his clothes (that his grandmother got for him, even, that’s a whole meta post right THERE) and trying to make the vibe “right.” His insistence that though Nandor had never done this for him, they still had a caring and intimate relationship.

But… it was also a metaphor for bad sex. Many people lose their virginity in a way they don’t find satisfying, and Guillermo definitely seems to fall in this category. It was awkward, it was bloody, it hurt, his partner didn’t listen to him, they weren’t on the same wavelength, they didn’t connect, there was no emotional bond, and most importantly, he didn’t feel changed.

Like a lot of people do, Guillermo thought losing his virginity would change him. He’d be cooler, sexier, more powerful. His station in life would change. He’d become an adult his ideal form. But he’s still just Guillermo.

As he told Laszlo, as soon as he did it, he regretted it. He immediately knew that he’d been right, that this wasn’t the way he wanted to do it. He wanted to do it with someone experienced who loved and cared about him, who listened to him, and he wanted that person to be Nandor. But he wasn’t patient, he paid an inexperienced acquaintance for a one-night-stand instead, and he was left feeling deeply unfulfilled.

Most upsettingly, he immediately discovered that, like virginity, you can’t lose it twice. He can’t just have a do-over with Nandor now. He’s given something up that he can’t give to anyone else, and he’s going to have to live with the consequences.

Because like sex for humans, transformation has social implications in the vampire world. It can only be done in very specific situations. Guillermo seems to have grown up in a human world where sex should only be happening within a heterosexual marriage, and now he’s finding that in the vampire world, transformation is only supposed to happen between a master and familiar currently in a contractual bond.

So… him going to Derek and finding “outlet” in another relationship, so to speak, is effectively vampirically cuckolding Nandor. He’s given that honor to another vampire, which Nandor seems to find both vampirically humiliating and personally hurtful. It would in fact hurt him so badly that he would probably not survive it, in Laszlo’s words.

(There’s also definitely an element of an abusive “if I can’t have you, no one can” vibe in Nandor’s threat to kill Guillermo and then himself if Guillermo got what he needed from another vampire, but since when have we ever liked them well-adjusted?)

Guillermo is realizing that, as much as he’s been thinking of this in sexual terms, so have the vampires. He thought he was the only one who thought it was a big deal. He thought he was the only one placing intimacy and partnership and loyalty into this event. But now he’s realizing that as much as it meant to him, it might have even been a bigger thing for Nandor.

For Guillermo, vampirism-as-sex represents the idealized transformational aspects of losing your virginity. He’d built up this big event in his mind that represented his intimate bond with Nandor, he’d built up this idea that the event would change him, would make him better, would make him free. But he’s finding, like many first-timers do, that sometimes it’s not transformational. It’s just awkward and disappointing and the only thing that’s changed is that you ache in the morning.

He still doesn’t have the intimacy he wanted. He still doesn’t have the ability to be loudly himself. He still hasn’t been able to fully own his sexuality and ask for what he wants. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t enjoy it. He regrets it.

He also regrets it because now he knows it will hurt Nandor and the relationship they’ve built. Because for Nandor, vampirism-as-sex represents the societal aspects of sex. The rules people follow. The societal humiliation you feel if you’re cuckolded. The personal agony you feel when you’re cheated on. The sense that your home is broken if your partner goes to find satisfaction with someone else.

Guillermo, who has had to deal with societal disapproval of his desired type of sex in the human world his whole life, was viewing vampiric transformation as a way to be free of all that. The shame and the repression and the societal penalties for being himself.

But he’s just found himself in a mess of new rules, hasn’t he? Different culture, same struggle. And while the vampiric world has always symbolized a sexual liberation that both repulses and attracts Guillermo, he clearly doesn’t have as much freedom here as he thought.

So… to sum up, Guillermo always kind of thought of transformation as losing his virginity. He associated vampirism with sex, and he thought this would be his entrance into the sexual world. He wanted to have an intimate experience with Nandor, but eventually gave up on that and decided to pay for it — and then immediately regretted it, both because he found it personally dissatisfying and because it came as a betrayal to the man he loves.

The problem is that he thought he was the only person thinking of it as sex — he didn’t realize that Nandor does, too, just in a very different way.

Nandor was also thinking of vampiric transformation as this special act, and one that belongs only to him as Guillermo’s master/partner. He was thinking of it in intimate terms, but also in societal partnership terms. He’s thinking of his household, while Guillermo was thinking of things on more individualistic terms.

If only they’d both talked about all this shit even once. :’)

But that’s not how we do things here in Staten Island!!! We just long for things ineffectively, keep secrets, and fuck everything up!

(There’s also a whole thing here about how Nandor wasn’t keeping his side of the relationship bargain and that’s why Guillermo looked elsewhere in a moment of weakness, but I guess that’s probably a separate post. This is long enough already.)

#I could talk about this so much more but this post is so long lmao #well guillermo you can never give nandor your first time but that doesn't mean you can't still build a relationship with him #more important for a guy to have your future than your past right?#lmao we'll see #nandermo #wwdits #wwdits meta #long post #wwdits spoilers

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ineffably-human · 10 months

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Nandor's better to Guillermo than I remember from my initial watch. It's still regressive (and it was starting to head that way in 4x10 too, so maybe this just continues from there), he still has times he's thoughtless and dismissive. But he's the one advocating the others listen, and that they do nice things for Guillermo. He's noticed something is wrong just like Laszlo, he just comes to a different conclusion. He listens to an offhand remark from Guillermo that wasn't even directed at him, just to get him a present.

Any shittiness he's engaging in comes from the very idea of Guillermo being a vampire. (The way Nandor brings that up to the others almost feels like he's been floating the idea in his head, which is a whole other thing; I'll see if I'm right with more episodes I guess and we'll take it at face value for now.) And aside from not wanting that to happen because it would change things, maybe lead to Guillermo leaving, etc it's laughable to him right now for the same reasons it would have been laughable to him in season 1 or 2. Guillermo is a little more assertive than in those years, but he's completely returned to the familiar role. He's reacting to Nandor with fear, more than he did even then.

Guillermo's big attitude change came with being a slayer, and now he seems to have forgotten that completely to the point that he doesn't even consider it as one of the reasons the transformation hasn't worked. He wasn't ready, he was in pain, this isn't how he imagined it (insert @cookinguptales's excellent meta on how it's all a big metaphor for virginity loss). And right now he doesn't know what his body is doing, and he's walking around consumed with guilt and imposter syndrome. Becoming a vampire is making him forget other real, important parts of who he is.

I think it's very easy for the vampires to regress - because of time, stagnation, etc - to an earlier point. Guillermo's regression is just as rapid-fire but it's from trauma. His intense desire to not want to talk about it, to wait over two weeks before the camera crew wears him down enough. To try and describe the turning as sexier and more intense and life-changing than it was, only to be jump-scared by Nandor and reminded that what he did was a (fully justified) betrayal. Has he forgotten that if Nandor really did want to kill him, Guillermo's kicked his ass without his now-perfect vision, and has killed dozens of vampires at a time? Or is the thought of hurting Nandor and fracturing that relationship the thing that hurts far worse here?

I'm a little insane about how, while in the process of going behind Nandor's back, while he's right about to get the thing he's ostensibly attached to Nandor for, he's insisting that Nandor will eventually do right by him and really truly cares about him. So much that Derek again asks Guillermo if he's sure about this.

Even more than the love search stuff Nandor dealt with over two seasons, all of this seems tailor-made to address the big unspoken questions of their relationship. What does Guillermo hope to gain as a vampire? How much of that involves his feelings for Nandor? What matters most to Nandor when it's Guillermo vs his own pride, especially if there were a real threat of losing him? Can they actually find their way to eternity together, and what does that look like when they do?

Which is to say, it's absolutely happening this season. And shit's going to get insane on the way.

#i haven't even started on the hypnosis runner and how the theme of this season is absolutely secrecy #that's a whole other (much better) essay #this is just me vomiting some thoughts out #fandom: wwdits #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #nandermo #otp: nandermo #i am a meta gremlin

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1im-perfect1 · 2 years

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Another Nadja meta because I love her this season: in an era of girlbosses and independent women that can do no wrong seeing a woman fail because of her own faults is so interesting. And it goes back to the message of the show: no matter how powerful and loud you are it doesn't make you “be in the right” and how important community is.

Nadja starts the club because SHE wants her own club before actually wanting to fix the house (and any other show we would be like “yas queen slay look how in charge she is”) but she runs into trouble before she even starts and she needs other people's help (The Guide agreeing to start the work, Laszlo discovering her past and Guillermo convincing her and being the nightclub's accountant), in The Grand Opening she convinces Richie to perform and to kill his familiar which puts her in danger and Laszlo, Nandor and Guillermo immediately run to help her and Colin performing mitigates the crowd, in The Night Market she ignores and yells at The Guide and the wraiths and their requests, she instead thinks she can manipulate the situation and outsmart everyone which doesn't work because the wraiths simply kill the one that is in it for themself (really symbolic) and now in ep 9 she turns away her husband and his child leaving her alone to drink her sorrows (the club was built on all of them working together), we should be cheering look at her putting her feet down and being a woman that doesn't listen to no man but she's just sad and lonely and realises she’s lost the point of what made the club work all along.

Her and Nandor are very similar characters and I don't see why people don't often compare them: both seek power, both are extremely connected to their lives as humans that even if they’re the two oldest people in the house, centuries have passed from their deaths, they base most of their decisions and plans on their past, the loneliness that comes from pushing everyone away to chase their goals which leave them feeling empty after a very short period of euphoria. They both have such strong personalities that hide so much insecurity; I love their interactions during the wedding episode, yes Nadja is scolding Nandor because he's putting a lot of stress on Guillermo but she's a hypocrite she treats The Guide the same way and when Nandor grants those wishes she says she's happy because she got what she wanted, I just love these two so much...

#wwdits #wwdits spoilers #What We Do in the Shadows #wwdits meta #nadja of antipaxos #nandor the relentless #laszlo cravensworth

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2offayyo-kzt · 1 year

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(yes I already posted this yesterday but I deleted it, unintentionally 🙃)

Welcome to another episode of me overanalyzing side-characters !

I'll explain why I consider this scene to be one of the most fucked up moments of the show (wwdits shitty meta) :

(the scene lasts 1min 45)

TW : Child abuse ¦

(I probably extrapolated, it's just my personal interpretation)

So in short, Colin stole Sean's car, the man is not upset with the teenager, actually it's Laszlo who is really mad because it could have seriously pissed off his best friend; Sean initially sides with Colin.

S : "Look, uh, we all make mistakes. It's no big deal - Listen, he was just taking it for a little joyride."

So Sean is aware that it was basic teenagers' bullshit and isn't particularly upset about it. Guillermo prompts Colin to speak up.

As Colin starts to vent, Laszlo interrupts him, even insulting him, Sean tries to step in to calm the tension.

C : "You can't tell me why I grew a foot and a half overnight like a human radish."

L : "Listen, you ungrateful f*ck, you're giving me the pip."

S : "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa."

[...]

S : "Guys, guys, guys."

L : "All right, you cheeky f*ck." (to Colin)

S : "Things are getting a little too heated in here."

[...]

S : Okay, listen, my dad and I used to fight like this all the time ! And nothing good came from it ! You understand me ?

This exact moment particularly struck me.

The acting was so good, the emotions so sincere that the first time I saw this scene I had to pause it (because I felt really uncomfortable)

For me, it was 'young Seanie' who expressed himself here, not the adult man, look and tell me if it was not a fucking cry of distress from his "young self", he raised his voice when it was not necessary, like a child about to have a tantrum.

And for me the best detail of this scene : while Sean explains what solution he proposes for "settling differences" between Colin and Laszlo, just behind him, on the top of his shoulder, there is the head of the Devil Jersey, as if the demon on his shoulder whispered (bad) advice to him :

S : "Now, I'm gonna count down from three. When I say go, start swinging."

G : "Wait, what ?"

S : "First one to tap out, other one's head of the household."

Then he encourages Colin to make eye contact when he is clearly uncomfortable, the only one at ease is Laszlo.

Why force him to do eye contact ? So that Colin can see himself being punched in the face in high definition, wtf Sean

Laszlo was ready to hit Colin at that moment.

Only Guillermo reacted with GOOD SENSE ! And we are talking about one of the most unhinged characters of the show, even for him it was too much.

Since when ??! you encourage your best friend to beat up his "son" (as a parental figure), how messed up is that ?

And while Guillermo is holding them back on this shit, Sean exclaims "C'mon !" as if he's disappointed that it didn't happen.

Now we can ask ourselves why Sean would encourage his best friend to do something as stupid as hitting his child; I personally think it's because Sean has only developed unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcoholism, gambling)

It is implicitly nuanced that Sean was beaten up by his father on a regular basis, and probably in the face (no wonder he resisted to the brain scramblies, it was already pudding before/hj)

Let's face it, Colin would never have had time to react if Laszlo had decided to hit him.

I think that at this point, Sean wanted to be a spectator, he wanted to revisit unconsciously the violence that he himself had suffered when he was younger but this time from an external point of view.

After all Laszlo loves Colin Robinson deeply, and it is even Sean who reassured Colin about that during the Pine Barrens episode.

S : You know, you're lucky to have a guy like Lasz - taking care of you.

C : I guess. Sometimes I think that Lazzo doesn't like me so much.

S : Are you kidding me ? He loves you.

So if Sean saw Laszlo beating his son in front of his eyes, maybe he would have had the confirmation that his own father loved him, that his father beat him, but that it was a 'sign of love' in the end.

Sean never learn to communicate properly (hence the dysfunctional marriage with his wife) and when he had to argue with his father, it ended in violence (with fists)

Sean was forced at a very young age to take on a role that he wasn't supposed to be, in this case the fight that was supposed to take place between Colin and Laszlo was to determine who would be "head of the household."

Colin here is a teenager, he should not have all the responsibilities expected of an adult, but it seems that Sean at the same age had to undergo it (he wasn't allowed to watch PBS, at 14 he killed his first deer (let him jerk off instead of forcing him to hunt srs 😭) , Sean seems to have never experienced a childhood that a 14yo is supposed to have.

At a minimum he had the decency to say "First one to tap out" indicating that if Colin gave up and didn't want to fight anymore, he at least had a way out. I doubt Sean had that same chance, and I think he must have been knocked out many times.

Sean's response to problems is usually to give up or violence (e.g. when he threatens Guillermo "to ream him" after he thought he made a homophobic remark)

Sean is deep down emotional but has never been able to express his emotions in a healthy way, seeing Lasz's love and attachment to teen Colin, he saw before his eyes what he missed during his childhood to build himself psychologically.

In reality, he is not inclined to violence, he even hoped that Baby Colin would only be violent towards walls :

The only times Sean almost cried were when he offered the Jade necklace to his wife :

[...] talking about his favorite movie series which is probably the only valid excuse he has for crying as a 'real masculine man yk', not supposed to be fragile or to show emotions :

He was a neglected and abused child and I think that during this scene he almost indirectly succeeded in repeating the cycle of abuse he suffered from, but by projection this time.

So I just wonder, if Colin had been knocked out by Laszlo (without having the time to "tap out"), how Sean would have reacted afterwards.

Seeing with an outside eye himself (teen Colin) lying on the ground.

Would he have been angry at Laszlo, at himself, at Teen Colin for not being strong enough ?

I leave you with his thoughts :)

Conclusion : get Sean a fucking therapy.

#tw child abuse #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits meta #wwdits analysis #sean rinaldi #wwdits sean #laszlo cravensworth #wwdits laszlo #baby colin robinson #teen colin robinson #kztpost

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mothguillotine · 5 months

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I Definitely Just Got Attacked By A Werewolf

CW: the reader gets attacked in this (given the title) but other than that it's just whats in the show already. hope you guys enjoy!

On a late walk in October is where you first meet. The fall crispness had let up one night when you decided to go out. The stars, which were usually quite dim due to the city lights, lit up the night sky with the full moon. The park you were in was secluded enough that it was nearly impossible to hear the cars driving by and the other various noises of the city, it was peaceful.

Until it wasn't. All you heard before you were attacked was a bush rustling and then you were on the ground. You push yourself up and realize that you are bleeding profusely from your stomach.

"HELP!" you yell, "HELP ME PLEASE!"

but you know no one is coming. As you try your hardest to run towards the roads outside the park another sound comes from behind you. When you turn you see a beast, hair covering the entirety of it's body and at least two feet taller than yourself. For a second all you could do was stare at the creature until you finally scream.

It lunges at you and you are able to nearly escape it's claws. You fall to the ground yet again and you know that your life is over. The scratches on your stomach are bleeding more than before and your shirt is turning extremely red. The beast is standing over you at this point, you assume to finish what it's started.

You quickly close your eyes, not wanting to see your doom. But before it can attack, you hear it get thrown. While you want to open your eyes to see what is happening they are just much too heavy, actually everything is heavy.

"Is this how it feels to die?" you wonder.

"Oh you poor precious stupid baby," you hear someone say, "did you get attacked by this beast?"

You try to respond to their question but all that comes out is an unintelligible noise. They move to get closer to you and lift your shirt up to peer at your wounds.

"My love, she is bound to die." another voice says.

"What if we turn her?" the first voice asks, "look at how beautiful she is, I am sure Nandor wouldn't complain."

"uhhhh, yeah that's how I got vampired if you will." you say towards the camera, "mostly everyone has been welcoming. Nadja wants to hang out, like a lot. She likes dressing me up in outfits and honestly, I can't complain. It's fun. Laszlo wants to constantly play me his music so I listen. He's honestly not half bad, but my favorite is when he and Nadja sing together. Well, singing isn't exactly the right word but performing is." You smile to yourself thinking about the song that they had performed last night, which had been suspiciously similar to one of Elvis's songs.

"Colin has tried his hardest to feed off me but after dealing with stupid men for my human life he honestly can't really annoy me much. After many unsuccessful attempts he gave up and sort of just… I don't know. Doesn't anymore. Maybe my confusion over this is feeding him?" you say mostly towards yourself, but what you can't see is the cameras zooming in on Colin standing in the doorway with bright blue eyes. "Anyways moving on, Guillermo was a much tougher nut to crack. He definitely didn't like me when I first got here, that was obvious. But after living here for a few days I understood why he was hurt so badly. After 12 years of service and multiple promises that you would become a vampire you would be pretty upset if they kept turning other people instead of you. I decided to sort of extend an olive branch to Guillermo and I promised him I would turn him myself if it got to that point." You think for a second about what to say next. The only other person you haven't talked about is Nandor.

"Guillermo's master on the other hand is impossible to crack. I honestly don't know if Nandor just doesn't like me much or what but he hasn't ever really talked to me." you continue to tell the camera and crew that are intently listening to you.

The first time you had met Nandor was a few days after Nadja and Laszlo found you in the park. You had just completed your incredibly painful change into a vampire and you all decided to go out to eat. The process left you feeling less than amazing and when you definitely felt like that reflected to your exterior. So when you finally leave your newly appointed room you run directly into Nandor.

"I'm sorry." you tell him looking up realizing just how massive he is.

"It's fine." he says and brushes past you quickly, you wonder why he is speeding away so fast but chose not to think about it anymore.

Later that night, after feeding on your first human, you and Nadja sit on the couch while she braids your hair up into a complex bun while Laszlo sits at the piano playing a soft melody. You feel much better after eating for the first time in nearly a week and you look much better too. You look less sickly and back to normal.

Previously Nadja had come in during your transition to give you company and told you all about the new vampires you would be living with. She told you stories set in the past, hundreds of years before you were born. She asks you about yourself as well, where you come from, what do you enjoy doing, if you are interested in having a threesome with her and her husband, and to be honest the last one throws you for a loop.

Nadja laughs as if she made a joke but honestly you don't think she is really joking. She tells you all about how she will make you the most pretty vampire.

When Nadja is finished with your braid you both walk over to the piano.

"Laszlo?" she asks, capturing the attention of her husband, "What do you think?"

"My darling, it is beautiful. A work of art." he says when Nandor walks in.

"Nandor, what do you think?" she asks him, you both turn to look at him.

"Pretty." he says simply and leaves the room just as quickly as he entered it.

You are honestly confused about Nandor, it feels like he wants to avoid you at all costs but you literally have barely spoken to him. You go to sit back on the sofa and miss the knowing looks that the couple gives each other. ___________________________________________________

Getting used to sleeping in a coffin was difficult. The first few nights were rough being trapped inside until it was nighttime, the feeling like you were going to run out of air (which makes no sense because you can't even breathe anymore), and of course the silence. Before you would sleep with a fan on and now that it's so quiet it's impossible to sleep.

You end up listening to music which turns out to be a horrible idea because your best friend sees that you are online right away, Oscar.

Oscar: um wtf where have you been? Oscar: are u okay? no one has heard from you for like a week? Oscar: is this about kelsey? Oscar: hello?!

You choose to forego any texting and call him instead.

"Oh my god!" he exclaims as soon as he picks up, which of course is not a pleasant thing to hear, "You are alive?!"

"I'm sorry,” you tell him, “I have been busy and shit the last week.”

“You missed all of your classes. What is wrong?” he asks you, “You just disappeared after the party on Friday and Ness said you haven't been back to the dorm?”

“Listen Oscar it's not a big deal,” you tell him, “I just needed to get away from Kelsey and shit.”

“I know that she hurt you but you can’t keep avoiding everyone because of her,” he tells you, “Jesus, we have all been worried about you.”

The burning of the words makes you cry out in pain when he says them and it alerts him right away that something is very wrong with you.

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” he asks you, “You sound like you are in pain. Are you okay?”

“Listen Oscar, it's fine, I'm fine.” you tell him thinking for a second, “I just stubbed my toe.”

“I am having a very hard time believing you.” he tells you matter of factly, “Where are you? I am coming over.”

“NO!” you yell, as much as you miss Oscar it's definitely not a good idea to bring a human around a bunch of vampires when you haven't had a chance to introduce them yet, “Oscar, I will come and see you tonight. How about that?”

“Listen, I am really worried about you right now.” he tells you and you know he is being serious.

“Oscar I promise that I will tell you everything tonight, I just… it's a lot to say on the phone.” you say.

“You promise?” he asks.

“Yeah. I promise.” ___________________________________________________

A few hours later you are getting ready to leave to meet up with Oscar when you are approached by Guillermo.

“Where are you going?” he asks you.

“I am just going to meet one of my friends,” you tell him, “He has been freaking out since last week and I am kinda worried he will call the police if I don’t go see him.”

“Are you sure that's a good idea?” Guillermo asks, “Newly turned vampires don't always have the best control.”

“I wouldn’t hurt Oscar.” you tell him, a little offended that he would think you capable of something like that.

“I just want to make sure you don't accidentally do something that you regret,” he tells you, “If you hurt Oscar would you be able to forgive yourself?”

“No, you are right,” you tell him, “But, I do know someone who could protect someone from a potential vampire attack.”

Guillremo huffs but says “I’ll come with you to make sure you don't kill him.”

“Thank you!” you tell him, hugging him tightly, “I’ll get the rest of my things and we can go! Can you call a taxi? I would feel bad about you going by yourself if I flew.”

When you go back upstairs to grab your jacket and phone you miss Nandor and Guillermo’s conversation.

“Where are you going, Guillermo?” he asks, standing right behind his familiar/bodyguard.

“Master! You startled me.” Guillermo says to the vampire, “We are going out to meet her friend, Oscar. She wanted to tell him that she was okay.”

“Who is this Oscar?” he asks Guillermo.

“I don’t know, Master. I can tell you when I get back.” he promises and Nandor saunters off as soon as you re-enter the room. You of course notice that he has yet again left when you get there. It's kind of frustrating, you have no idea what you did to make Nandor want to avoid you so much. In the last week you have said a total of like five words to him. Most of which have been greets he hasn't returned.

When you and Guillermo leave the house a taxi is waiting on you both. The drive over to Oscar's apartment is about ten minutes away and when you get there you text him. By the time Oscar gets down to let you in you and Guillermo are both waiting at the door, as well as the entire camera crew that follows you all everywhere.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asks you, “Disappearing for a week and not responding to anyone? Are you having a manic episode?”

“No, Oscar I promise I am fine,” you tell him, remaining on the porch until he invites you in, “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course you can,” he says, “Who is this and why are you filming?”

“Oh this is Guillermo and you can just ignore the cameras,” you tell him, “We really need to talk.” ___________________________________________________

“Telling Oscar that I am a vampire was, well, difficult. Guillermo was super supportive and well I definitely needed it.” you say toward the camera. “He didn't take it very well,”

At first Oscar had not believed you, which you had assumed he wouldn't. After explaining how you were attacked by a werewolf and that Nadja had saved you from death he still didn't believe you, even after seeing the large claw marks, which would definitely not heal in a week, he still didn't. So you decided that your only course of action would be to turn into a bat and that definitely freaked him out.

“He’s gonna be staying with us until we know he's not gonna tell anyone.” you explain “That's why Oscar is passed out on the sofa.” The camera moves to zoom in on him.

“He’s my best friend,” you tell the crew, “He was super amazing during my last breakup.” The crew motions for you to continue to talk.

“Me and Kelsey dated for five months until she broke up with me a few weeks ago. Oscar would come over and we would watch movies and eat food.” you say, “Last weekend Oscar finally convinced me to go out to a party and who do I see making out with one of my friends from high school, Kelsey. Anyways after that I left and that was the fateful night in the park.”

“If something happened to Oscar I honestly have no idea what I would do. So that includes accidentally getting himself thrown into a psych-ward for claiming vampires are real.” you lament, “I love him so much, he’s my best friend.” ___________________________________________________

Nandor had been avoiding you, but not for the reason you think he is. As soon as he saw you he knew he would definitely fall for you. Given his track record with relationships the best idea he had was to just avoid you much as possible. He also saw how much you meant to Nadja and Lazla, he didn't want to scare you off then ruin your relationships with the couple. When he had first learned that a new vampire had been brought home he wasn't super excited, but when you ran into each other after you left your room he knew he was screwed.

Never had he seen such beauty as yours. Staying away from you was the best option possible and well that didn't work out very well. Nandor had also overheard your conversation with Guillermo, assuming that Oscar was worried about you because he was your lover. What he didn’t know though was that Oscar definitely was not interested in you, his type leaning much more towards Nandor himself. Nandor is sat in the camera's view and the team gives him the signal to start speaking.

“The new vampire has taken my familiar from me. She has taken him to meet up with someone named Os-car." he says, "Could Os-car be dangerous? I do not know, but what I do know is that I can not let someone with the peasant name, Os-car, hurt her. Nadja and Laszlo would be very… disappointed."

A few minutes later Nandor is peering through the window of Oscar's apartment watching you, to ensure that you are safe. He can also hear your conversation inside with Oscar. He listens as you explain what happened to you and Nandor sees when Oscar doesn't believe you. He also watches as you hike your shirt up to show Oscar the scars from your attack.

When you do lift your shirt Nandor sees how messed up by the werewolf you truly were. Last week, when Nadja and Laszlo had brought you back to the house, Nandor had been told what exactly transpired in the park and he hadn't believed them when they explained how brutally attacked you were, until now. Seeing the scars on your torso had made him upset, so upset in fact that he swears right then he will exact revenge for you. And of course he tells this to the cameras.

"I have now seen her scars and I swear on the 35 wives I used to love that I will get revenge for her. Unfortunately I have no idea where to start." he says to the camera, "I shall search all of Staten Island until I find the beast that inflicted such pain on her." What Nandor doesn't see as he talks to the camera is you carrying Oscar to a taxi. ___________________________________________________

Later that night when you are getting ready for bed Oscar wakes up. Of course he is understandably upset when he comes to.

"You fucking kidnapped me?! What the fuck?!" he asks you, yelling quite loudly.

"Shut the fuck up," you whisper to him and take a seat on the sofa, "I brought you back here because I was worried that you wouldn't exactly be chill about this and honestly you are proving me right."

"Oh yes because kidnapping someone is such a good idea." he says sarcastically, "Why the fuck did you take me here?!"

"Listen, Oscar, I just wanted a little bit more time to explain everything." you tell him and he sits down on the chair across from you, "I know that kidnapping-"

You stop when you hear your name called by the door by none other than a Nandor.

"Are you okay?" he asks you, "I heard some yelling and wanted to check in."

He turns his head to look down the hallway and quickly looks back at you. What you are unable to see is Nadja and Laszlo giving him thumbs up from the doorway of the neighboring room.

"Yeah, Nandor, I'm fine." you tell him sincerely, "Thank you."

"Yes, of course." he says and leaves the doorway to come further into the room and joins you on the sofa, "You have yet to introduce us."

"um… Oscar, this is Nandor the Relentless. Nandor, this is Oscar Garcia." you introduce.

"Os-car it's very nice to meet you," he says, "How did you meet?"

"Oscar has been my best friend since high school, we had a class together our freshman year." you explain.

"What is a 'freshman year'?" he asks, "Why are the men fresh?"

"Master, it's a term for the first year of school when you are in high school or college." Guillermo explains to him.

"Did I ask you Guillermo? No." he says to his familiar, "I asked her."

"It's just what the first year of school is called for high school and college." you repeat essentially what Guillermo just said but Nandor seems much more interested in what you are saying for some reason.

"Yeah, I just said that," Guillermo says under his breath.

"What was that Guillermo?" Nandor asks.

"Nothing, Master." he says.

"Anyways me and Oscar have been friends for about nine years now." you tell him, "Almost a decade."

"That's crazy," Oscar says thinking about the past decade, "She really helped support me when I came out to my family and was kicked out."

"You came out? What is that?" he asks.

"Well Master, it's when-" Guillermo is cut short by Nandor yelling at him.

"I did not ask Guillermo!" he yells furiously.

"It's when you tell people you are part of the LGBT community." you tell him.

"When I came out, my family disowned me." he tells Nandor.

"The LGBT?" he asks, "What is that?"

The next half hour is Nandor asking questions to Oscar. It honestly kind of surprises you how well they get along. This is also the first time that you have heard Nandor speak for this long and honestly he is hilarious. Most of the time he doesn't even realize he says something and it makes him confused on what you are laughing at.

"So why did you bring Os-car here?" Nandor asks you.

"He was worried about me and well when I went to meet him he kinda freaked out about the whole vampire thing." you tell him, "So I took him back here after Guillermo knocked him out."

"Wait, you knocked me out?" Oscar asks.

"That's not important right now," Nandor says, "Why didn't you just hypnotize him?"

"Well I- I didn't think about it," you say, "but anyways I don't want to hypnotize him. I just wanted to make sure he understood."

"Well thanks, that means a lot," Oscar says sarcastically, "I'm so happy you decided to knock me out instead of hypnotizing me."

"Oscar it's not like that," you tell him but he stands up and makes his way out of the room, "Oscar!" He continues to ignore you and leaves the house.

Masterlist

#nandor the relentless x reader #nandor the relentless #wwdits nandor #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #reader insert #x reader #orginal male character #female reader

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lfthinkerwrites · 11 days

Note

fireworks - author's choice ❣️

(Went for a different use of the term lol. Hope you enjoy!)

Dr. Arkham sighed. “Harvey, we’ve talked about the language. Before we continue the session, please apologize to Edward for what you said about his mother.”

From his place in the so-called ‘friendship circle’ between Jonathan and Waylon, Edward shrugged, “That’s not necessary, Dr. It’s been nearly thirty years since I’ve seen the woman. For all I know, she could be a syphilitic whore.”

Joker cackled and Pamela made a disgusted noise. Dr. Arkham shook his head. “Edward, please. This group therapy session is meant to foster a positive relationship in Arkham. We don’t want a repeat of what happened in the cafeteria yesterday.”

“We don’t?” Joker asked. “Aren’t we all glad that Jervis stabbed Laszlo with a sharpened spork?”

“You still want us to think Jervis did that?” Jonathan drawled.

“Well he did have the spork in his pocket.” Joker let out an exaggerated gasp. “Wait! Are you trying to imply that he was framed, Spooky? By who?”

“No one’s implying anything Joker.” Personally, Arkham agreed that Jervis didn’t do it, but he didn’t care enough to get the little bastard out of solitary. “Let’s move on. I’d like everyone here to say something positive about someone. Joker, we’ll start with you. Say something positive and keep it appropriate please.”

Joker grinned. “I know something positive! I found out that if you hit Robin in the spleen with a crowbar, he squeaks like a dog’s chew toy!”

Arkham wiped a hand down his face and willed himself not to cry. “I said to keep it appropriate, Joker.” A loud laugh was his only response. Arkham squeezed his eyes shut, internally counted to ten, then turned his gaze to Waylon. “Would you like to say something positive, Waylon?”

Waylon rubbed his chin with a scaly hand. “It can’t be about eating people?”

Arkham resisted the urge to throw his writing pad at Waylon’s face. He had a shock collar on and there were armed guards just outside, but why risk it? “No Waylon, it can’t be about eating people.”

Waylon nodded. “Ok. I have something positive to say about Jervis.”

Jonathan raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah. I’m happy that he’s in solitary and I don’t have to listen to him whine about Alice!”

Joker cackled again, as did Edward, Pamela, and even Arnold. Arkham took a deep breath. “Fine, Waylon. That’s nice. That’s very nice. Now, does anyone else have anything positive they want to say?” Edward’s hand shot up. “For the love of God, anyone other than Edward?”

Joker clicked his tongue. “Uh, uh, uh, Dr. Arkham. Remember, positivity!”

Arkham was positively sure he was about to storm out of the room, call Belle Reve and have every single one of these degenerates join Harley down south. “Fine. Ok. What do you have to say, Edward?”

Edward lowered his hand and smiled. “I’d just like to say that I really do appreciate my time in Arkham. Whenever I’m here and interact with you all, I’m reassured that I am indeed, the most brilliant criminal mind in all of Gotham.”

Harvey jumped up and threw his chair at Edward, who yelped and jumped into Jonathan’s lap to avoid it. Waylon caught the chair and threw it back, sending it flying over Harvey’s head. It hit the wall with a crash. Joker threw his head back and laughed.

“Get off me!” Jonathan shouted, shoving Edward to the floor.

“Asshole!” Edward shouted back.

“Narcissistic megalomaniac!”

“Inbred hick!”

“High school dropout!”

Edward gasped. “Jon! You promised never to tell anyone about that!”

Pamela laughed. “All that talk about being a genius, and you couldn’t even finish high school? Pathetic.”

Arkham agreed, but he needed to at least attempt to get things under control, or else the guards would come in and…actually, wait. Fuck these people. The guards could brutalize them as much as they wanted. Edward was up on his feet now and screaming in Jonathan’s face, and Jonathan was screaming right back. Waylon, Harvey, Pamela, and Joker seemed content to watch the show, Joker chiming in with his own commentary. Arnold just kept nervously watching the door.

Dr. Arkham really, really hated his job.

#fic prompts #fun with group therapy #the gotham rogues

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indigayghost · 8 months

Text

Sorry I'm just

I'm just thinking about laszlermo again

How laszlo beared all his heart for Guillermo this season

He lied, he worked so fucking hard to try to save Guillermo, he helped him, he teached him

"what if you can?"

"I'm not giving up on you"

Looking so so proud when Guillermo did something new, being so fucking scared for him

And even when there was no way to keep it a secret anymore he still tried to make Guillermo shut up he was so so worried

He helped him to get a head start, he went to talk to Guillermo and he was feeling so guilty?????? Im 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

AND THEN

"I'm going to tell you something I never told anyone else"

WHAT WAS IT???? WHAT WAS IT?????????

AND THEN PROTECTING GUILLERMO FROM TOPHER????? AND LISTENING TO HIM WHEN HE TOLD HIM TO SHUT UP

I'm not okay I love him so much I love them so much

#wwdits #Laszlermo #wwdits s5 spoilers

36 notes · View notes

lorna-d-m · 9 months

Text

Chapter Five: Parent Teacher Conferences

Pairing: Laszlo Kreizler x fem!OC (Alice Greene)

Summary: Professor Laszlo Kreizler is a workaholic. Between teaching university courses, running the Kreizler Institute, and minding Stevie -his ward-, he does not have time for relationships. That is until he meets Ms. Greene, Stevie's English teacher, at open house. Can he open his heart to the possibility of love?

Word Count: 3,192

W: mentions of drinking, bullying/hazing

A/N: I unexpectedly had to go out of state for a week and then move into my on-campus apartment when I came back but in my time before classes started I got this finished :) Yeehaw senior year here I come

previous chapter

Although the university semester and the public school system did not line up exactly, there was enough overlap to swamp both Stevie and Laszlo in work. They were two sides of the same coin. Stevie worked his ass off studying and writing papers while Laszlo burned the midnight oil grading exams and essays. He almost fell asleep at his desk with his reading glasses on, trying to understand a student’s ill-conceived paper, when Stevie told him to call it a night.

Laszlo received an email from the school reminding parents, and guardians, the week after progress report cards the school would host a parent teacher conference night. He suspected it was to designate a night for all the overbearing parents to heckle the teachers after grades came back. After all, his office hours were always booked after midterms with crying freshmen begging for extra credit or another chance when they never did the reading to begin with. He always listened, some students had valid or extenuating circumstances, but he was better known for being unrelenting.

Stevie’s grades were excellent. Not valedictorian, but reflective of his work. Laszlo did not consider attending the conference until he received an email from Ms. Greene.

Dear Dr. Kreizler,

I hope you are doing well, and I hope midterms have not overwhelmed you. As difficult as they are for students, I know grading is no walk in the park either.

I’m sure you saw the school’s reminder about parent teacher conferences, but I wanted to personally invite you. I have some concerns about Stevie, and I would like to discuss them with you in person. If you are unavailable that night, please let me know and we can schedule another meeting.

Thank you so much!

Ms. Alice Greene

Laszlo reflected on the last few weeks. In their weekly conversations, she mentioned she thought some of the students might be giving Stevie a hard time. He anticipated it would settle when the novelty wore off, but now he was not sure. Laszlo rearranged his schedule, ensuring he wouldn’t be stuck at the university or working at the Institute and miss the evening.

He asked Stevie if he would like to attend the conferences as well, not mentioning the email from Ms. Greene, but stating that if they were discussing him it was only fair for him to be present. Stevie declined and joked that with Doctor Kreizler there he had the best defense. Laszlo was glad Stevie still thought so, even in jest. Stevie’s only request was for him to bring back dinner after the conference. The refrigerator was empty after midterms, and he wanted to eat something other than eggs and toast. Laszlo laughed and promised to bring back whatever Stevie wanted.

Apparently, Alice did not learn from her previous mistakes. At open house, the cookies she hand-baked and decorated were barely touched by the parents. And yet, she made cookies for the conferences. Alice decorated them like books, giving each of them a classic literature title, and arranged them on a cookie carrier.

This far into the year, her classroom was not spotless and picturesque like it was at open house. She swept the floors again, finding half a dozen discarded pens and pencils, and rewrote the information she kept on the whiteboard. Parents and administrators loved to see objectives, standards, and assignments in clearly visible spaces. Looking around, she realized several of the desks never made it to their original places after their group discussions, so she rearranged them. A few desks positioned across from her desk would be suitable for the evening.

The first parent arrived with a sheepish student in tow, and she gestured for them to sit down and take a cookie. Neither did.

***

An hour later, Alice was dying for an iced coffee. She knew drinking one at this time would keep her awake half the night, but she needed something to make her smile. A few of her conversations were genuinely productive, exploring what she and the parents could do to better support the student, addressing her concerns, and building positive relationships.

However, she had just as many discouraging conversations from parents insisting their child was right and she was incorrect. Bitsy warned her in a more affluent area the parents were more involved and typically more self-righteous, but her expectations did not match reality. They had the audacity to tell her all the ways she did her job incorrectly

She was tired, and she wanted to go home. Iced coffee wasn’t a strong enough drink, but she might settle for it on her drive home.

Laszlo debated visiting Stevie’s other teachers. He performed well in their classes, and as far as he knew they had no matters to discuss with him. Still, since some of them were communicative with him when he emailed them, he decided to drop by a few classrooms. Laszlo kept his visits brief as he knew he was expected elsewhere. Additionally, he did not want the ice to melt in his surprise.

“Are these the same recipes as before?

“What?” Confused, Alice looked up from her desk. He stood by the cookies she no doubt painstakingly designed, and yet looked as if they hadn’t been touched all night. “Oh,” she smiled, “Dr. Kreizler.”

“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Ms. Greene.” His sheepish smile was genuine. “I brought you a gift, but maybe I should call it a bribe in exchange for some of these cookies.” He set the iced coffee on her desk and sat down.

“You didn’t have to do that. I would have let you take some home anyway.” She picked up the coffee and read the label. “Decaf? You are intuitive, Dr. Kreizler.” Alice reached into the minifridge behind her desk and grabbed the bottle of coffee creamer. Laszlo did not know how she took her coffee, so once he learned she kept supplies in her classroom he reasoned black was fine and she could sweeten it to taste.

His cheeks reddened, and he hoped it was not terribly noticeable. “I thought you would appreciate a pick me up without it keeping you awake.” She thanked him and urged him to take some cookies. Laszlo debated between them, knowing the flavor was the same, but there were implications based on the titles he chose.

“Dracula and In Cold Blood. Interesting. I’m totally not judging you based on that now,” she laughed.

“As a literature teacher, what’s your formal determination?” Laszlo evaluated people professionally, and for fun, so he was curious about her opinion.

“Well,” she took another sip of her coffee and smiled mischievously. He liked the way she crinkled her nose. “Dracula is a classic, and honestly underrated. It’s much more humorous than people think, and the original sotry is often overlooked. And In Cold Blood, well, you must be a true crime junkie. Based on a true story, but obviously dramatized. You probably researched the real case while reading and felt better for knowing the truth.”

Laszlo wiggled his eyebrows. Impressive. He took a bite of his sugar cookie. “And you? What books would you choose?” This was his opportunity to read her.

She checked her watch on her left wrist and playfully sighed. “I was saving these two until the end of the night, but I think you will be the last parent I see tonight.”

“I’m honored,” he demurred.

“And it’s only fair since I judged your taste,” she hesitated for suspense, “so I’ll take Pride and Prejudice and Count of Monte Cristo.”

Laszlo thought for a moment. Her first choice did not surprise him, but her second did. He grappled with the Count first. “The Count of Monte Cristo is complicated, and so are you. You enjoy unraveling plots, and you’re a sucker for a tragedy. As for Pride and Prejudice, you are a romantic, but with particular taste. You want to be swept off your feet as if you were in a Jane Austen novel, but that has not happened yet.”

He tended to push people too far, and Laszlo feared he was too blunt. Ms. Greene was taken aback, the nervous set of her mouth said that, but her eyes told him it was true. She stirred her drink with her straw and took another sip.

“You’re very insightful, Dr. Kreizler.” She met his eye and held it. He never noticed the flecks of color and how they glimmered even under the fluorescent light. Laszlo wondered how she would look in warm light, candlelight, moonlight. A door slammed down the hall and broke them from their trance. “But, I think we should talk about Stevie.”

“Yes, of course. You’re right,” Laszlo agreed. He pulled a small notebook and pen from his suit jacket pen. At the top of a clean page, he wrote the date and “Conference — Stevie”.

“Stevie is doing well in class. I’m sure you know that from checking his grades and his progress report. That’s not what I’m concerned about, unless his grades start to drop, of course.” Laszlo took notes as she spoke. “I noticed that in my class at least, Stevie doesn’t have a solid group of friends. Which, some kids don’t and that’s completely fine, but there’s a group that has been antagonistic toward him.” His pen scratched to a stop.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Pretty much since the beginning of the year. I know it can be difficult when you don’t fit in—” Laszlo arched an eyebrow, but she ignored it. “— and I’ve spoken with him several times. I’ve done everything except go to administration which he expressed he does not want. However, if the situation escalates then I will have no choice.”

Laszlo sighed wearily. “I have noticed Stevie being quieter, less chatty, than before. On the other hand, he has been out of the house more, too, and I think he has friends in another class”

“I’m glad,” she said. “At least he has some support even if it’s in another class.”

“Stevie has support in your class. You’re an excellent teacher, and I appreciate you telling me what has happened. If you had not noticed, I don’t think anyone would. They lack your observational skills.” She blushed, remembering their earlier conversation.

Having settled their official business, the conversation wandered again. She asked about his work at the university and the Institute, and he happily answered. Alice noticed his chest seemed to puff up with pride when he spoke about his students and he grew more animated. She enjoyed listening to him, and he made sure to reciprocate and ask her questions when appropriate.

Alice soon finished her coffee, but she made no moves to leave her desk or pack her stuff. It was only Bitsy’s knock on the open door, and immediate regret, that made her realize how late it grew. Laszlo’s head whipped around at the knock.

“Just checking on you and letting you know I’m headed home. I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Thanks, Bits. I’ll talk to you later.” While Laszlo was turned, Alice mimicked a phone by her ear, signaling Bitsy to call her later.

He arched an eyebrow. “Are you close friends with Ms. Sussman?”

“She’s my work wife, and before that, she was my school sister. Bitsy is the one who told me this school was looking for English teachers, so I have her to thank.” For more than just the job. Alice doubted she would have met Dr. Kreizler any other way.

“It’s good to have friends nearby. As much as John annoys me, I cannot imagine working without him.” He chuckled and glanced at the watch on his right wrist. “My, it’s grown late. You can’t have eaten if you’ve been here all night.”

“What do you mean?” She giggled. “You saw me eat these two cookies and drink this coffee. That’s my dinner.”

“That does not count as a meal.”

“Of course it does, when you count the half a dozen cookies I had between baking them and setting them out.”

He scoffed. “That is not a meal. Delicious, but not a meal,” Laszlo teased. “Would you like a late dinner and to continue our conversation?”

Alice froze. Laszlo’s piercing brown eyes never left her face even when she wished they would. Her cheeks flushed, and she knew if she spoke she would stammer. A million thoughts ran through her head, and she would trip over the words. Alice desperately wanted to accept. Laszlo was handsome, respectable, and polite. An excellent conversationalist, and he listened to her.

Conversely, he was a parent and she was his child’s teacher. It was a moral dilemma, and it must be a breach of ethics. If anyone knew, they could accuse her of favoriting Stevie at Dr. Kreizler’s request, or even worse exchanging sexual favors for better grades. Alice imagined the red tape they would have to go through to be together.

She took a deep breath in before speaking. “I would like to accept, but I can’t.” The expectant smile disappeared from his face, and it tugged at her heart. “This isn’t a good night for me. I need to check on Georgie, and you need to get back home to Stevie.” He twitched at the mention of Georgie. Alice couldn’t resist a snicker. “Don’t worry, he’s not my boyfriend or anything. He’s my handsome tuxedo cat, and I fear what he will do if I don’t feed him dinner soon.”

Relieved, Laszlo chuckled. He was such a serious man that Alice liked seeing him laugh. She admired the crinkles by his eyes and the way he cracked a smile. His whole face scrunched.

“Cats and children are not so different. I know Stevie is perfectly capable of making dinner, but I promised him I would pick something up on my way back.” He checked his watch again and stood. “It’s late, and I should leave.”

“Wait, Dr. Kreizler,” Alice scrambled for a post-it-note and pen. “Just because tonight isn’t a good night doesn’t mean I don’t want to have dinner with you.” She wrote her phone number in pink ink.

He blinked twice and accepted the sticky note. “Thank you.” His round cheeks flushed rosy red, and she found it adorable. “I will plan another night, and I should let you return home to Georgie.”

“Goodnight, Dr. Kreizler,” she grinned.

His brows pinched together in thought. “Please, call me Laszlo. There’s no need for such formalities.”

“It’s funny. I still want to call you Dr. Kreizler. Goodnight then, Laszlo.”

He entered the hallway, conscientious that half the lights were dimmed to denote the late hour. His leather messenger bag threatened to slip off his shoulder, but holding a paper plate of cookies he didn’t dare fuss with the bag. Laszlo glanced around for a desk or a table in the hallway to set them down so he could fix it, but instead, he found the blustering figure of Coach Connor.

Laszlo gave the coach an obligatory nod and continued on his way. He did not visit him during the conferences, and his absence was noted. Curious, Laszlo hesitated in the hallway.

He heard Ms. Greene — Alice! — greeting the coach, and he noted the difference in her tone of voice. It was colder, more rigid and reserved, but still seemingly pleasant. However, Laszlo recognized the difference with a small smile. She wanted the conversation to end as quickly as she could. It was only a minute or two later that Coach Connor reappeared in the hallway, red-faced and grumbling. He became the target of his frustration.

“Get the hell outta here, can’t you see it’s late?” Laszlo stepped back, but Coach Connor insisted on being in his face. “You shouldn’t be here.” Laszlo opened his mouth to protest, but when he did Coach Connor knocked the paper plate of cookies from his hand. He stormed off, but not before Laszlo could cut in with the final word.

“I see she didn’t offer you any, Coach. Perhaps there’s a reason why.”

Once he was out of sight, Laszlo knelt to the ground to pick them up. He was not the type of man to leave a mess behind him, and he would hate for her to see them scattered on the floor when she left her classroom.

***

Laszlo returned home with a box of pizza from Stevie’s favorite pizzeria. He sprung for garlic knots and extra marinara as a treat and poured himself a glass of wine. Stevie commented it was later than expected, considering the conferences ended at eight and it was going for ten now, but Laszlo insisted it was because of a big party at the pizzeria slowing down orders. Stevie shrugged, not pressing the matter, but clearly not believing him. He regarded Laszlo with a suspicious eye.

Laszlo ate and spoke normally, but the sticky note with her number burned a hole in his pocket. He thought about what he might text her, or if he should call her instead. Which restaurant would she prefer? If he went too formal would she be intimidated? But if he went more casual would she be disappointed? Laszlo knew he wouldn’t sleep, but he did not mind.

Alice scratched Georgie’s ears. He purred while he ate, and he did not allow her to do anything else in her apartment until he fed her. She couldn’t set down her bag, slip off her shoes, or fill her water. Demanding, but her little darling, so she gave him his regular meal and a treat.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and sure enough Bitsy’s face covered the screen as her call came in. They shared locations once years ago trying to find the right café and never undid it. Now, Bitsy could tell precisely when Alice arrived home to ask about her evening. She spoke quickly and almost tripped over her words.

“What happened with you and the doctor? And don’t you act coy with me or lie to me.”

“Well,” Georgie arched his spine as she ran her hand down his back, “he brought me another coffee, but it was decaf this time since it was evening. We talked about Stevie, of course, and you know my concerns about him.”

Bitsy cut her next sentence off. “You know that’s not what I want to know. Tell me what happened after!”

“Okay, okay,” she laughed, knowing she had every ounce of Bitsy’s attention, “we talked for a long time, and he asked me to dinner. I said no—”

“—What?! Are you crazy?

“No to tonight, Bits, not to anything. I gave him my number so we could plan something for another night.”

“Thank God, you almost gave me a heart attack there.”

“I’m not stupid. Maybe a bit impulsive, or foolish even, but not stupid.” She thought for a minute, knowing she had been standing on the edge of a precipice. Alice took the plunge, giving him her number, and she knew everything would change. She just didn’t know how yet.

Next chapter

taglist: @scuttle-buttle @fictionlandslanddreams @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @hardlyinteresting @sapphiredreamer26 @aedeluca @alycu1 @linkpk88 @rachreads @fandom-princess-forevermore @groovyponypatrollamp @to-fat-to-give-a-crap @kateris-world @eli-the-thinker

#daniel brühl fanfic #daniel brühl fanfiction #laszlo kreizler fanfic #laszlo kreizler fanfiction #the alienist fanfic #the alienist fanfiction #modern laszlo kreizler

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parttimesarah · 2 years

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💜MY HIGHLIGHTS FROM 4x3💚

Again, I love how quickly things are moving along and that we are already at the point where the nightclub is ready to be opened!

Nadja with a very funny hat situation (Two! One and two!)

The Guide calling Nadja “MISTRESS Nadja” 💀

Nandor is already realizing Marwa isn’t right for him, no matter how much he tries to make her fit his atrophied understanding of what a good life partner should be

Interesting that Nadja encourages Nandor to try changing himself. Could this lead into Nadja saying something to Nandor later on about his obvious love for Guillermo?

I LOVE how much Nandor is listening to Guillermo this season. They are such a good team!!

The Djinn emphasized how he usually grants wishes in a way that will teach someone a lesson, so that makes me wonder what the lesson is in having Nandor think about Guillermo whenever he uses his new peen. Right now I think it’s probably something to do with trying to get Nandor to realize his true feelings and so when Nandor made that offhand comment, the Djinn just had to go with it because he is trying to teach Nandor a lesson!

I totally and completely called that that offhand comment was going to end up being part of the wish! I am still recovering!

Marwa says that it “happens to a lot of guys.” To me that could mean that he did not perform at all or maybe JUST MAYBE that he performed a little too quickly… a Nandermo shipper can dream!!!!

Seeing Laszlo become the Dadszlo he is meant to be it’s so much fun! and Guillermo is such a good guncle! Guillermo also was the one commenting on Colin’s YouTube video 🥹

I do wonder if maybe part of being an energy vampire is changing the person that parented you. We know that Colin Robinson has said that his mother was “really boring.” And we also know that “his mother” was not biologically his mother (due to the whole chest-fetus thing) so there shouldn’t really be a reason for her to be super boring other than the fact that her child made her that way!

Seeing the whole gang rush up to help Nadja when she got pushed was so sweet. I’m really glad to see them focusing on the concept of family so much this season!

There is SO MUCH to say about contrasting the Nandermo relationship with the relationship between Richie Suck and Doctor Tom Schmidt, but that will need to be its own post after I’ve watched it a couple more times!

This season is off to a great start! 🦇

#nandermo #wwdits season 4 spoilers #what we do in the shadows spoilers #wwdits #what we do in the shadows #what we do in the shadows fx #wwdits fx #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #nandor #guillermo #laszlo cravensworth #Dadszlo #nadja of antipaxos #Nadja

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cerkowah · 2 years

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it's been a while since I wrote an analytical text post but a joke conversation w my gf spurred on this train of thought and now I need to share it

I think WWDITS is fantastic queer rep, especially for bisexuality, and I need to point out an aspect of it I haven't seen talked about enough; Nandor's internalized homophobia.

now you may be thinking "Cerk that's ridiculous! He's said he's attracted to men and has canonically had sex with them! how can he be homophobic" but Listen. I largely credit OFMD for bringing my attention to how homophobia can be represented in ways outside of "I hate gay people they're evil" so check that out for more explicit examples of what I'm talking about but TLDR; Nandor has no problem having sexual relationships with the same gender, but he has issues with more intimate, romantic relationships.

Obviously his relationship with Guillermo is at the forefront here when it comes to this issue, and (fingers crossed) season 4 will bring his arc to its natural conclusion. There's not much to touch on from seasons 1 & 2, aside from his reluctance to get too close with Guillermo, but that could easily be attributed to his attachment issues as well as weird vampire/familiar rules. However fast forward to season 3, and it's clear theres more to it than that:

1. Guillermo isn't his familiar anymore (while yes his role in the group hasn't really changed all that much, the burden of the vampire/familiar title is gone)

2. we see he actually does get attached quite easily (Meg), and, with Gail, we see Guillermo's unreliable back-and-forth nature isn't actually a problem when it comes to Nandor developing (and acting on) his feelings

So, the previously-assumed reasons keeping Nandor from expressing his feelings are disproven. What else could it be?

I think the answer is clear; Nandor doesn't see another man as a suitable romantic partner. As a vampire, he's used to the idea of people being attracted to the same gender, but he hasn't quite shaken the idea that you can't fall in love that way. Through all of his romantic pursuits in season 3 he never once considers Guillermo as an option because that just isn't done. All of his prospective life partners have been women exclusively, and I can't imagine that being a coincidence. I think the writers even made an effort to show that Nandor's the only one who feels this way through Laszlo's feelings for Sean (which certainly go beyond lust). I know a lot of (mostly cishet) viewers are shocked at the idea of Nandor being anything but straight, and I think that's exactly the image he puts out into the world; a powerful, masculine man who never desires the tender touch of another man.

I could've done a whole nother post about how obvious his feelings for Guillermo are but at this point everybody knows. that man has it down BAD he just needs to get over his internal issues and let himself find some happiness with the person who's been by his side for over a decade

#many thoughts head full #season 4 cannot come out soon enough i am on my hands and knees #cerk.txt #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #nandermo

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cookinguptales · 7 months

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Sigh... Okay. I've had a couple weeks away from wwdits and I've finished the major work project that has Consumed Me so I guess I can talk about my thoughts a little bit.

There are a lot of reasons that the very end of s5 bothered the hell out of me and a lot of reasons that I hate it. There are things I liked about the last two episodes (most of them being... before the last ten minutes of the season) like that metaphor coming full circle and Nandor giving Guillermo a better (uhhh metaphorical) sexual experience where he was listened to, cared for, supported, and helped along at his own pace. I do have interest in ideas like Nandor's loneliness being worsened because he believed that Guillermo would have a terrible time as a vampire and knowing that avenue of immortality is closed to him. But none of that feels worth it, I guess, and here's why.

Yes, I hated the whole... Guillermo realized that he never really wanted to be a vampire thing, at least how it was done. It wasn't Guillermo realizing that he didn't need vampirism (which I would've been quite happy with) but learning that he just didn't have the stomach for it. I hated the way that seemed to betray Guillermo's earlier characterization. I hated the way that made the "supernatural as queer, as Other" metaphors they've been using with very little subtlety suddenly feel very problematic indeed. I hated the way this made it canon that Guillermo really does see vampiric lives as lesser than human ones, and I hated that Guillermo had power taken from him rather than power claimed. I hated the way this upset the power dynamics of the household (particularly Nandor going back to ordering Guillermo around) and I hated the idea that Nandor thought Guillermo was weak and he was right. I hated this somewhat paternalistic idea that Nandor really did know best all along and Guillermo was just a silly little boy who didn't understand what he really wanted. Again, the power dynamics are so thoroughly fucked right now.

But the biggest thing, really, and the reason why I just can't bring myself to care about about the things I did like, was that it just... The message was so clearly that past episodes of the show did not matter. I always knew that there was a vibe change after Jemaine Clement left (especially because that vibe very much traveled to WP instead) but there was always enough dedication to the fundamental building blocks of the series that I didn't mind the way things had changed too much. But... this season really seemed to hammer home that they do not feel beholden to the first two seasons of the show and I liked those seasons.

I remember feeling kind of uneasy when little pieces of canon were discarded, like the way that it was stately clearly and repeatedly that Laszlo was better at hypnosis than Nandor in the first two seasons and then it was the opposite in s5. But like... I could forgive small changes like that. Little retcons. Guillermo, though. Guillermo.

I have never loved Guillermo more than I did at the end of s2, and I'm not sure we're ever going to see that version of him again. We got to see Guillermo go gloriously feral several times in s2, we got to see him kill an entire room full of people several times, we got to see him take his power and own it. And he really has never done it since, has he? He always tries so hard not to kill people, and the very few times he's done it since s2, it's been entirely in self-defense. And I just kept thinking it didn't have room in the plot, but they'd do it! Of course they'd do it! But then to have Guillermo straight-up say he doesn't have the stomach for killing... It made me realize that they'd brought Guillermo to heel as a conscious choice. They'd purposefully neutered his character, and in doing so, reduced the complexity of him that I'd always loved. Guillermo has always been a sweetheart and a murderer, and I loved that about him.

And then... you know, you have to come to wonder what other intrinsic parts of characters, intrinsic themes, they're going to feel okay with discarding when they feel like it. If they're going to retcon Guillermo, who was borderline sociopathic in the first two seasons (just look at how angry he was they didn't kill Jenna after he brought her to them), as a weak, naive familiar who really doesn't have the stomach to be a vampire... Like he wasn't paying attention at all for the last 13 years?? Like none of his choices were real or mattered? What the fuck? That's a major change.

And then you look back at the rest of s5, at Laszlo's entire storyline of "I'm going to do experiments on Guillermo to figure out how to 'cure' him so Nandor can turn him", and you realize they didn't even have that cohesion within the same season. Laszlo's entire season-long plot line makes zero sense once it's revealed that they knew (somehow) that killing Guillermo's sire would revert him. Like -- forget that it goes against his knowledge level in s3, forget that it goes against his knowledge of how to finish Jenna's transformation in s1, it goes against his stated knowledge of things within the same damn season.

And if they're not going to care about those things, why should I? If they're going to ignore details, plot lines, characterization, hell, the overarching themes of their own show, why should I get invested in them? Why should I care about Nandor seeing Guillermo's baby pictures or the idea of Nandor's loneliness or the fact that Guillermo only decided not to kill that human after self-centeredly tying him to his own experiences?

What else am I going to get invested in that they're going to ignore? What other choices that characters make are going to be pointless later? What other storylines are going to be dropped after just one season?

I don't know. The whole thing makes me so damn tired. To see all of Guillermo's struggles with his sense of self, his sense of power, his sense of Otherness, be reduced to "actually he's too squeamish to drink blood because he doesn't have the heart to kill anyone" is so... I'm so frustrated, and it makes me not want to get invested in anything they make anymore.

I've been really struggling as a creator, because like... I always made fanworks for this show because I genuinely loved it, I genuinely loved the characters. I respected what they'd created. But now I just feel like I'm getting overly attached to something that's just going to keep hurting me and... where do I go from there? Do I start writing canon divergence fic? (Never thought I'd end up in a place where I wanted to ignore canon here but if they can do it, so can I.) Do I just pull back a little and force myself to be a more casual fan?

I've been part of fandoms that hurt me before and I don't... wanna do that again. lmao. When I left comics fandom I was like "as god as my witness, I'll never stay in a fandom that makes me unhappy again!"

And.... I'm unhappy. :(

idk man, I'm still kind of stewing in it. Getting into other canons has actually helped tremendously in removing the sting from it all, but how to proceed going forward... I guess I still don't know. I don't want to write anything right now, and I assume that'll change, but... I don't know. : /

#wwdits tag #I usually use the main tag for things like this for ease of finding/blocking but #I'm not going to bother putting it in the main tag #I feel like that won't actually benefit me #and so help me god if I start getting dicks in my inbox again I'm blocking on sight

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laszlossweetcheese · 2 years

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ty for responding to my question b4 this :)) this is gna be a request so ignore this for the moment if you're busy!! but I was gna ask if you could write some laszlo x reader smut where they are having some cute fluffy sex or smth? just like all messy and kissy n gentle yk? all the smut I can find is like rough 💔💔 thank u so much if u do get round to this!!!

Thank you so much for the request! Just as a heads up, this reader is gender neutral to cover all bases. I hope you enjoy! :)

“Laszlo, no! Go away, I promise I’m fine,” you called out from the bedroom, though the waver in your voice told a different story.

“Now darling, you know I don’t believe that for a second,” Laszlo responded, his vampiric hearing more than enough to pick up on how upset you sounded, even through the heavy wood of the door separating you. “Just open the door for me sweetheart. You don’t have to talk about anything, I just want to see you.”

You hesitated, your forehead resting against the door as you contemplated your partner’s request. You knew he was being sincere and as much as you loved wallowing in your own sorrows, you’d feel much better with your vampire’s arms wrapped around you. After taking another moment to try and calm yourself, you wiped your teary eyes and gave in, trying to manage a small smile as you met Laszlo’s eyes.

“There we are,” Laszlo said, reaching up to gently cup your face in his hands, his thumbs gently wiping away what was left of the tear tracks on your cheeks. His lips pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and you nearly burst into tears again from the overwhelming emotion that swept over you.

You wrapped your arms around Laszlo’s torso, burying your face in the crook of his neck as you tried to ground yourself. The vampire returned your hug in full, his fingers combing through your hair in an attempt to soothe you. A couple of light sobs escaped you before you managed to stop crying completely and you pulled back just enough to look up at your lover’s face. “I’m sorry I locked you out of the bedroom,” you sniffled, your gaze flicking down to Laszlo’s ruffled collar, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. “I just…I went to the store while you were asleep and there was a group of some asshole teenagers being horrible. I walked by them and they kept whispering to each other and laughing while staring at me. I usually don’t care about what other people think of me, /especially/ some stupid highschoolers being dicks just for something to do, but I…I don’t know, something about it just got to me.” You felt so stupid for crying over something like this, but you hadn’t felt so shitty about yourself in a while and it was too much to handle.

You felt Laszlo’s fingers dig into your shoulders a bit as he clenched them. “You’re shitting me. Which store were you at? I’m going to make them regret ever fucking being born,” he growled, his eyes glinting yellow. The thought of anyone doing anything to hurt you and make you cry filled Laszlo with rage. No one did that to his y/n and lived.

“No, no, Laszlo, I’m okay now, I promise,” you said, finally looking back up to his face and placing your hands against his chest. “I just needed a minute. I’m okay.” It was always comforting to know that the vampire would do anything to protect you, even though his protective nature was a bit frightening and over the top at times. Sure, you would need more than just a few minutes to get out of the mindset the day’s events had put you in, but you didn’t think the teens needed to pay for it with their lives.

Laszlo let out a huff and met your eyes, trying to suppress his anger. “Alright, fine. But you listen to me, y/n,” he said, once again cradling your face with his hands so you couldn’t turn away from him. “I don’t give a flying rat’s fuck what anyone says. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my 400 years of existence. No one else could even hold a candle to you, my love.” If anything, he would take care of those fuckers on his own time and just not tell you about it.

Your cheeks burned bright pink at your lover’s words and you couldn’t help the shy smile that tugged at your lips. Laszlo always knew how to make your heart beat right out of your chest and your stomach fill with butterflies. “You’re too nice to me.”

“My gorgeous darling, I’m not nearly nice enough. I’d go to the ends of the earth for you,” Laszlo replied with a loving smile. He loved seeing you blush at his words.

The vampire pulled you into a tender kiss, one of his hands falling to your waist in order to pull you flush against him. You let your eyes close, pressing yourself into him as you felt that familiar heat pooling in your lower abdomen. By the time Laszlo’s lips parted from your own, you were breathless. “If you’d allow it, I’d like to show you just how beautiful you are,” he said with a smug smirk, earning an eager nod from you.

Laszlo gently pulled your shirt over your head before getting to work unbuttoning your jeans, his eyes wandering over your bare torso as he undressed you. Being the only one naked at this point, you decided to level the playing field a bit and helped Laszlo out of his waistcoat and trousers before he grew impatient. “I’ll do the rest later,” he promised, lifting you up with ease and guiding your legs to wrap around his waist as he carried you to the bed.

You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you as he gracefully deposited you onto your back. Laszlo crawled up to meet you in another sweet kiss, his eyes full of nothing but love and adoration for you when he pulled away. “Beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes taking in all of you laid out beneath him.

The vampire returned to your lips once more before making his way down your body, leaving a train of kisses in his wake. He paid special attention to your inner thighs, gently biting and sucking at your soft skin as he looked up at you, watching your reaction. You bit your lip hard to muffle the moans that bubbled up out of your throat at the sensation, your fingers gripping at the soft silk sheet beneath you. Laszlo gently, but firmly, held your thighs down to stop your hips from writhing under him and you whimpered softly.

“Now darling, be good for me. I’d like to take my time with you,” he said before getting back to work teasing you to your wits end. “L-laszlo…please,” you whimpered pitifully, your voice breathy as you begged. This caught the vampire’s attention and he pressed one more teasing kiss to your thigh. “Since you asked so sweetly…” He hummed, before /finally/ putting his mouth where you desperately needed it.

Laszlo continued to work slowly, making sure you felt every motion of his tongue. You could only hold back your moans for so long before you didn’t even care about keeping yourself quiet, which didn’t upset Laszlo in the slightest. Your fingers worked their way into your lover’s dark brown hair as you tilted your head back, feeling the pleasure coil tighter and tighter in your belly. Suddenly, the coil snapped, curling your toes and arching your back as you called out for the vampire.

He worked you through it, finally pulling away from you just as your sensitivity got the best of you. You were a post-orgasmic mess, your hair sticking to your forehead with sweat and your skin flushed as you panted for breath. “I love seeing you like this,” Laszlo admitted, looking quite pleased with himself. The way he looked down at you made your stomach flip.

“I thought you said you’d get rid of those,” you answered, gesturing to his clothes. Laszlo laughed and sat back on his knees so he could undress himself fully. “That’s much better,” you added once he was as naked as you, sitting up to run your fingers through the dark hair covering the center of his chest. You pulled him into another kiss, the taste of yourself still lingering on his lips.

He tugged your leg, pulling you down into a lying position again with himself between your legs. “Laszlo!” You laughed, earning a chuckle from the vampire as he positioned himself more comfortably. “I love you,” you murmured, reaching up to tuck a stray lock of hair behind his ear. “And I love you. More than anything,” he replied, pressing his lips to yours. He gently pushed himself inside you, making you moan into his mouth. Once his cock was fully seated inside of you, he gave you a moment to adjust before he began a slow rhythm.

You kept your eyes closed when your lips parted, focusing on the feeling of your bare skin against Laszlo’s and the sounds of your breaths mingling together. “Open your eyes for me, y/n,” the vampire said, and you complied after a moment of debate. Your cheeks darkened again with embarrassment as you looked up at Laszlo, meeting his intense gaze. “You’re perfect. Everything about you,” he continued, making you fight to keep your eyes on his instead of turning away like you so desperately wanted to. You smiled up at him bashfully just as he angled his hips to hit your sensitive spot, forcing a moan out of you and embarrassing you even further. You had done this with Laszlo countless times before and had gotten used to being so vulnerable with him, but tonight he was hellbent on reducing you into a flustered puddle in the bed.

Just as you were growing close to a second orgasm, Laszlo slowed to a stop and turned you both onto your sides, still facing one another. His hand brought your leg up to hook over his hip and he reached down between you both to slide himself back into you. The new angle had him thrusting even deeper into you than before and hitting your sweet spot with every other stroke. You reached up to rest your hand at the curve of his neck, your fingers tangling in the soft hair at his nape. The vampire rested his forehead against your own, panting and moaning softly as his hand caressed your body wherever it could reach.

“I’m close,” You whimper, your leg clinging onto Laszlo tightly as you bucked your hip to meet his thrusts. Laszlo kept his pace, his fingers digging into your hip as he held back his own release. “Come for me, y/n,” he panted, and that did it. You came for a second time, fingernails clawing into the back of your lover’s neck as you moaned out his name. He was sure to fuck you through your orgasm before letting himsel climax, his cock pulsing as he came deep inside you with a low growl.

Both of you lay there in silence as you came down, panting asynchronously. You met Laszlo’s eyes again, unable to keep the wide smile from your face as you pushed his hair back. “You’re beautiful too, you know,” you said, smiling against Laszlo’s lips as you kissed. “Not even close to as gorgeous as you, darling,” he smiled in return. “One day, you’ll see yourself as I do, even if it takes the rest of eternity. I promise you that.”

#Laszlo cravensworth #laszlo x reader #what we do in the shadows #vampire #Laszlo cravensworth x reader #fanfiction #fanfic #one shot #request #smut #fluff

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rpfisfine · 3 months

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Immensità by Andrea Laszlo De Simone for the song rec! it's a 2019 song that sounds like a song from the 50s!! btw I'm a huge fan of your playlists so you absolutely can't stop 🤗

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIII chiara omg this one is soooooo beautiful.....omg.......Omg........i love italian songs soooo much im legitimately always on like an ongoing quest to find more and more of them and this one is so dreamy & cinematic and the vocal effect rly reminds me of ladies and gentlemen we're floating in space by spiritualized!!!!!

#thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!<333333333 put it on the playlist IMMEDIATELY #asks #also YOURE SO SWEETS... /______\ SMILES..........SMILES AGAIN.........SMILES ONCE AGAIN.....#i still genuinely cannot believe you made an official playlist of the name songs i compiled for u and made my icon the cover!!!!!!!!#that made me soooooo happy i love your playlists as well every time i remember the pic u used for ur sias revised playlist i start laughing

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2offayyo-kzt · 8 months

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50+ random hcs about Sean because I have too much free time :

• One day Charmaine found a strange vase while looking for something in the garage. The next day Sean woke up to see flowers in his bong

• Sean owns a boat that he renamed "the Ocean's 12"

• Sean is the kind of guy who only celebrates Halloween to traumatize children with a real chainsaw

• He has never learned to tie his shoes, and doesn't plan to

• Sean has a lot of sleep disorders (including sleep apnea, insomnia, night terrors, confusional arousals...), so that's one of the reasons he drinks, so he can 'sleep' easily

• He suffers from bipolar disorder (type I), "The Guy Pillow", "the Casino", and "A Night Out With the Guys" were manic episodes, "Pine Barrens" a depressive episode

• The first kiss he shared with Laszlo was on a mechanical bull

• Sean and Charmaine attend couple therapy with the conclusion "put yourself in each other's shoes." Sean took the advice to the letter, wore one of his mom's dress, bought a cheap wig and stole makeup from Charmaine's purse. In the morning Charmaine woke up to see her husband dressed as a woman baking cookies and listening to the Spice Girls. 20 minutes later Charmaine changed into jeans, grabbed a bottle of wine and turned on the TV

• If Sean learns that vampires are real, he'll turn into a conspiracy theorist

• He has a scar from his liver transplant

• He secretly does drag when his wife's not at home, stealing her dresses, heels and make-up

• He owns glasses but never wears them, except when driving at night without passengers

• Sean is color blind, so he always chooses clothes with neutral colours or regular patterns (leopard, military), he is also dyslexic but not diagnosed

• He killed his father when he was a teenager (premeditated)

• Sean has a tribal tattoo on his right arm, 'Charmaine' on his left pec and 'Carpe Diem' written on his lower back

• As a child he was not allowed to watch cartoons so his childhood was forged with VHS of old movies. His favourite was Ocean Eleven 1960, it became his comfort film. He exploded with joy when he learned that there would be a remake (2001) It's also because his father forbade him to watch PBS, that today he only watches sports games and cartoons in front of the TV

• He has been fascinated by the occult and the supernatural since he was a teenager, his father considered it to be bullshit so Sean has always been discreet about it

• Sean gets frequent migraines so he uses essential oils, peppermint or CBD oil. He especially can't stand the smell of nail polish (and remover)

• He and Mikey slept together in college, mainly because they couldn't get any 'chicks'

• Sean lived in Canada for few years, so he knows some French

• He still can't identify the bushes that Laszlo has cut (the vaginas)

• He would never admit it but he loves to sew and crochet, yet he always asks his wife to put the thread in the needle because he can't do it and it makes him furious real quick

• Sean would like to grow a beard but Charmaine can't stand it because it scratches her when they kiss

• While Charmaine is a fucking danger in the kitchen, Sean is excellent, and his favorite dish to cook is lasagne. He uses his cooking skills to sell (edible) cookies in front of universities (it has a great success)

• He's had a string of odd jobs, but now he's the manager of a sex shop

yes I totally based this hc on this image :

• He wears matching underwear with Charmaine (leopard or zebra pattern)

• He has a terrible sense of hygiene; he doesn't brush his teeth because it's "too long", so he only uses mouthwash. To wash his body and hair, he borrows his wife's products, but in the past but he's already used white vinegar for washing himself because it's "more economical". And he only cuts his nails with a pair of scissors

• He has a birthmark on his ass

• He can make a "W" with his tongue

• Charmaine always prepares Sean's baths and makes sure the water is hot, even scalding, because Sean is traumatized by freezing baths (for the same reasons as Gregory in House MD)

• To this day, he's convinced that being pansexual means being attracted to "pans"

• When he was little, his mother forced him to learn the piano, he hated it, so he stopped after a year

• Every time Charmaine sees her husband watching wrestling on TV, she laughs at him saying it's soft porn, her husband's response is "you're not wrong."

• Despite his love of the ocean, he suffers from seasickness

• Sean's biggest fear is having the same baldness as his father, so he buys all kinds of miraculous products he's seen on TV to try and stem the problem

• While Charmaine is a shit at geography, Sean is pretty good

• For a short period of his adolescence he was Satanic, the only trace of which is the inverted pentagram he had scarified on his arm, which is why he always wears long sleeves, to hide his numerous self-inflicted scars

• To reach Sean you have to call him, he never replies to messages, if you're lucky he read, and if you're extra lucky he put an "👍" emoji

• When Sean goes to the bathroom, you don't see him again for at least 30 mins. Charmaine often wondered what Sean did to take so much time to shit, and he simply replied that it was his only moment of peace of the day

• Since he's a "man" he's not supposed to cry, so he only cries in front of movies (his love for the Ocean's trilogy is explained by the fact that it's the only time he allows himself to sob)

• He has a naturally artistic temperament : storytelling, crochet, painting etc...

• When he eats, he always starts with dessert because "the best comes first"

• At the beginning of their relationship, he and Charmaine had a little dog (Toy Poodle) named "Biscuit". One day, Sean almost killed the dog by sitting on it while being stoned (the Sopranos ref)

• He's an energy vampire (only Colin knows about it)

• During the pandemic curfew, he drank hydroalcoholic gel out of desperation because he had run out of beer at home

• He has a stuffed animal named "Badger", It was a bear but now he looks more like a rag, Charmaine almost threw it away by accident, Sean threatened to kill her if anything happened to the first love of his life. Franky has already ended up with a black eye for insulting Badger

• He is still a fan of the occult, tarot, gems energy and astrology etc...

• Every time he goes to the movies with Charmaine, he asks her to hide beer cans under her breasts. At first she thought it was absolutely stupid, but eventually Charmaine did it a few times. She never admitted to him that she could hide a bag of weed in her vagina if need be, for obvious reasons

• He hates IQ tests because the only time he took one online, he scored 89 and Charmaine 130

• If he's rich today, it's because he won a game show when he was 30

• Sean suffers from depersonalization/derealization

• He grew his hair to look like the Joker (and subconsciously Laszlo)

• Most of Sean's savings went into expensive jewelry that he bought for his wife to make up for it

• Behind his Ocean's Twelve memorabilia there's a secret room with absolutely everything needed to organize a casino heist : A notebook with personalized costume sketches for each of his friends + 11 extremely extensive custom-made costumes protected in covers, an entire library about robbery and action books, entire handmade maps of New Jersey and more precisely Atlantic City's casinos, an impressive collection of various weapons and safes to practice opening them, twenty years of research for the perfect heist, accumulated in notebooks and plastic sleeves, a notebook with all the formulas on how to make a bomb, and of course, the homemade bomb in the corner of the room, a huge table in the center with a video projector, a cupboard with other figures and goodies from the trilogy, and posters all around the room

• Sean is a kid mentally, and annoying his wife is his favorite pastime, his favorite activity, being upstairs and shouting Charmaine's name, if she answers, he doesn't answer, until she freaks out

• If someone knocks on the toilet while he's occupying it, he shits louder

• At the beach, every time Sean passes by a sand castle, Charmaine is forced to threaten him by whispering "Don't" because she knows that her husband wants to "accidentally" destroy the castle

• If Sean dies at some point, his unfinished business as a ghost is to kiss Laszlo

• He has very long feet, when he goes bowling with Mikey and Franky. They call him "Bozo", which is the nickname he chooses on the screen to play

• Sean suffers from sleep apnea, so he snores like a pig, and for the past few years he's had a CPAP machine

• In his teen, he sympathized with the Jersey Devil, but after the brain scramblies he forgot that he had become close to the creature

• Sean already asked Charmaine to do ASMR videos just to gain money

• He is stronger than Laszlo at chess

• He wrote plenty of Ocean's 11/12 fics on ao3. Charmaine corrects his spelling mistakes, and she's annoyed to see that her husband only writes sex scenes between men, she'd also like to see between women. His excuse : "I don't have a vagina, how the fuck I'm supposed to write the sensations of having one duh-"

• During a manic episode, he bought 6 Roomba to make an army of them

• He knows the Ocean Twelve lines by heart

• If Charmaine and Sean don't judge the clothing style of their neighbors it's because they probably had a goth period in their youth

• He is a reincarnation, just like Jeff/Gregor

• Jenna is the secret love child of the Rinaldi

• Although he and Charmaine have reconciled, they no longer sleep in the same room; because Sean has insomnia and gets up often to go out on the balcony and smoke his cigarette (which awakens Charmaine)

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