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heartpascal · 3 months

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hoping there’s somewhere to go

▹— joel miller x platonic!reader + tommy miller x platonic!reader

▹— summary: you try to navigate life after the rejection of the only family you’d ever had (part two of weight too heavy to hold alone)

▹— a/n: the song too much time in my house alone by leith ross inspired this <3 longer A/N at the end!

▹— warnings: angst (as always), isolation, and then self isolation, mention of christmas time but it’s not christmas, a winter’s dinner that isn’t christmas dinner, fears being proven correct, very little self worth, it has been a long while since i have written/posted/needed to put warnings so let me know if something is missing!!!

▹— taglist: @rhymingtree @sleepygraves @wnstice (everything) @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @rvjaa @sunflowersdrop @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @miss-celestial-being (pedro) — please let me know if you want to be added/removed

MASTERLIST

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Jackson is cold in winter.

And it’s not just because of the weather.

There’s winter festivities, holidays that you had never really had any experience with. And because of the weather, patrols were undertaken by smaller groups, leaving crowds of people wandering the streets, or trying to find work within the small community. So, not only was it cold and miserable, but it was about ten times as crowded in the communal spaces, with everybody packing into every space possible in order to preserve their warmth.

That’s not even the worst part — there’s the whole focus on family, or whatever a person in the apocalypse might have that’s close enough to it.

Holidays bring people together, Tommy had told you once, about a year ago. It wasn’t long after you had first arrived in Jackson, traipsing through the gate alone, aside from the patrollers who escorted you there.

The thing was, though, that you didn’t have people.

And it wasn’t as if you were wanting them! That definitely wasn’t the case — you couldn’t bear getting close to anybody, after what had happened last time — but you couldn’t help the more prominent feeling of isolation. You knew you weren’t alone in your feelings, after all, there were plenty of Jackson residents who had nobody, or resented the holiday season for one reason or another, but you felt alone.

You’re allowed to feel bitter about it, even if you do want to stay that way. It’s not like you had always felt this way, there was a time when you had thought yourself close to having a family — whatever the hell that was. In spring, if somebody had told you that you might feel this way, you might have disbelieved them, might have had faith in Joel and Ellie, despite your reservations. But then everything there had fallen apart, and you were left like this.

Living on your own, halfway across town, closer to Tommy, but further away than ever.

It was like that gaping hole in your chest had reopened with a vengeance, sucking any amount of trust or affection you had for the man into a void where it couldn’t be found. If Tommy hadn’t stuck you with Joel and Ellie, you might not be feeling like this — feeling so cold, and alone, and frozen despite the world moving around you. If he had just minded his business, or even, maybe, if he had just looked after you himself, rather than passing you off as nothing more than a chore, you could’ve been something at least close to happy.

Instead, you’re here. Making the short trip back from the school he had forced you to start going to, heading back to the little space you were supposed to call home. It wasn’t home, though. You had never occupied a space that had felt anything even close to that before, other than Joel’s. You’re pretty sure you’ll never live anywhere like that again.

You’ll probably live here, in the shitty garage that Tommy had someone convert for you, for the rest of your life. Either that, or until they finally have enough of you, and kick you out. Whichever came first.

Really, you should be used to being on your own. To having to do everything yourself, be responsible for every aspect of your own life, but strangely, after Joel’s, you find it hard to go back to that. Balancing things has never been your strong suit, and this only goes to prove that. And it’s aggravating, feeling as though something within you had changed, feeling as though you’re no longer capable, when you had spent your whole life looking after yourself.

Feeling like this has had you thinking some incredibly stupid things, your mind at one point trying to convince you that the only way to prove that you were capable, was to go back out into the big open world. Luckily for you, your survival instincts are stronger than that, and you’re able to remind yourself that Jackson is the best possible place for you, regardless of whatever thoughts and feelings you were having.

Besides, you wouldn’t want to give any of them — them being Joel, Tommy and Ellie — the satisfaction of your leaving. If they wanted you gone, they’d have to tell you as much, this time.

It was clear to you now, that they hadn’t wanted you there in the first place. And given the distance between you and Ellie since Joel had gotten rid of you, you gathered that, despite what you believed to be a close bond, she had never wanted you around either. She seemed happy enough, gallivanting around the town with her few friends, friends she had never even bothered to introduce you to. At least that meant you weren’t missing anything. Maybe she had actually done you a favour. Although given the way she avoided your gaze like her life depended on it, every time you happened across her, you somehow doubted that.

You’re not sure which loss was worse. Despite how close you had grown to Joel, how attached you had become, Ellie was the first person your age who you had ever trusted. You had told her things that you had never spoken aloud to anyone before. And now, you were left with a constant weight of regret, of dread, in the pit of your stomach.

Selfishly, you wanted Ellie to be angry at Joel for getting rid of you. You wanted her to fight for you, wanted her to remain in your corner when everybody else opposed you. What you really wanted, though, was for somebody to choose you. You wanted to feel important to somebody.

Though, now, you think you’ve outgrown that childish desire. You don’t want anyone around you, anymore.

Not even Tommy.

“Kid, would you just open the damn door?” Tommy asked, speaking to the plain face of your front door. He had knocked three times before opening his mouth, growing exasperated by your cold shoulder. He knew you were in there — had seen you walk home after school, when he was finishing a job just around the corner. Besides, where else would you be?

You stayed silent, sitting on the unmade sheets of your bed, staring at the door as Tommy knocked once again.

“C’mon, open the door. Please?” He repeated, and you could practically picture his stance outside, one arm resting against the doorframe and one hand resting against his hip. “Just wanna talk, alright? Then I’ll be on my way.”

You heard the heaviness of his sigh from your space across the room. But it didn’t change anything for you. How could it? Tommy had sent you to his brother, he had known what his brother was like, and he had sat idly by while you were uprooted and sent across town like you didn’t matter. Just another inconvenience. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he was also forcing you to go to Jackson’s community school, run primarily by an almost 70 year old woman, who was meant to retire a year after the outbreak.

It was ridiculous and unfair.

Ellie didn’t have to go to school.

It just felt like another method of getting you out of the way. After all, what did you need with writing and reading? Mathematics and history? The world had ended before you were even born.

Besides, you knew for a fact that Tommy had volunteered to take Ellie out shooting soon. Despite her avoiding you, you could still hear her boasting about it in the canteen to her friends.

You couldn’t help but feel like it should’ve been you. After all, weren’t you the one without anybody? Weren’t you the one who would be alone, should Jackson fall apart? Ellie would have Tommy and Maria. She would have Joel. Who would you have? Nobody.

If Tommy Miller had ever actually cared about you, perhaps he would’ve helped you work on the issues you’d been facing when you went to him for help, rather than passing you off to his older brother. You had spent your entire life depending on only yourself. Tommy had no idea what it had taken for you to approach him, for you to want help. To have that thrown back in your face, you knew, had done damage. As if you weren’t already damaged enough.

It was something you had been aware of for a long time — that there was something wrong about you. Something rotten. Like something had crawled into your chest, into the gaping cavity between your ribs, and died in there. It had been decaying over the years, leaving an air about you that told everybody exactly what you had always known: you are unsalvageable. Nothing in this world could reverse the decomposition that had occurred inside of you, just like nothing could reverse the infection that had taken the family you had never known.

The whole thing made you feel foolish, really. Your whole life, a voice inside of your head had been telling you that nobody could help you. Nobody would help you. And when you had finally gathered the courage to prove that voice wrong? It was proven right instead. It was a kick in the teeth. A thorn underneath your fingernail. Something bothersome, painful.

Tommy Miller had proven that you were just as alone as you had always felt.

He knocked against your door again, apparently content to wait you out. You had nowhere to go, but the knocking was irritating, the knowledge of his presence outside of that door was grating.

Before you could think better of it, you made your way over, and opened the door.

He looked the same as he always had done. Dressed for the weather, his favourite pair of boots on, and hair pushed away from his face, which held a surprised expression.

“Hey, kid.” He said, finally, after a moment of just staring at you in shock. It had been a while since Tommy had seen you up close. You looked more tired than he remembered.

“What do you want?” You asked, forgoing any sort of greeting towards the man. Opening the door was about as generous as you were prepared to be towards him.

His face morphed slightly, shock ebbing away, regret flowing in at the creases by his eyes, the grimace of his mouth. “Right, uh,” He paused, looking into your converted garage through the gap between you and the door. You pulled the door closer, so only you fit into the gap. “Alright, so, I know things have been… tense, between everybody, but I was hopin’ that you might join us. Me ‘n Maria are doin’ a winter’s dinner, not exactly Christmas, but it’s a day to be with family, y’know?” Tommy rambled on a bit, trying to spit all of his words out before you could decline, or shut the door in his face.

“We’re not family, Tommy.”

You watched his expression fall, which provided you with a sting that you hadn’t expected. But the sentiment remained the same — you weren’t family. Your surname wasn’t Miller. And even if it were, with the state of things between you, Tommy and Joel? It definitely wasn’t something you’d call family.

Honestly, you weren’t sure why he was coming to you with this now. Maybe before Joel had rejected you, before Tommy had watched on as any trust you had was shattered, but now? Now, he was lucky you even opened the door. You didn’t have a family, and it wasn’t a big loss to you. You’d gone this long without one, so what did it matter?

Tommy’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and he shifted uncomfortably on his feet. He was at a loss for words.

“Go home, okay?” You said, when his words continued to fail him. He swallowed, jaw clenched as his teeth gritted together. He was frustrated, though you doubted that was directed at you. More likely, was that it was directed at Joel. You knew things had been tense between the two of them recently, too.

He paused just as he was about to turn away. “Will you think about it, at least?” Tommy asked, though he didn’t look like he wanted to hear your answer. It wasn’t much of a question anyway.

You nodded, with no real intention of thinking about it. Well — no intention of thinking about attending. Thinking about the offer was a different story.

His shoulders deflated as he turned away, hearing you shut the door as he followed the path away from your place.

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Even a full twenty four hours after Tommy had approached you with his invitation, you couldn’t let it go.

It felt as though something within you had snapped, falling from a great height and landing in the pit of your stomach. For whatever reason, one that you couldn’t get into now, maybe ever, you were filled to the brim with dread. It bubbled over, pooling in your limbs and making everything feel far too heavy.

You couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just let you be? Couldn’t he see that he had done more than enough, when it came to you?

Logically, you know it isn’t fair to blame him. Tommy wasn’t in control of anything his brother or pseudo-niece did. He had always tried to look out for you, and deep down, you know that he had truly believed that his brother would be good for you. He must have thought that, given Joel’s pre-outbreak experience, and now post-outbreak too, of being a father, he could’ve been that for you. Tommy couldn’t have known that Joel didn’t want another kid.

But that illogical part of you, the part that cowers away from everybody you meet, the part that was hurt, reminds you that it was his job to know. It was his responsibility to know what he was dumping you into. And more than that, Joel was his brother. How could he not have known?

You were the one who had ended up well and truly hurt from the encounter, not the other way around. So why did you feel guilty, every time Tommy’s expression at your scathing words popped into your mind? You hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true, and you hadn’t said anything that he didn’t deserve to hear. So why? Why did you feel this unending twist of dread and guilt, eating away at your bones, your tissues, your organs?

Even now, as you worked a late night shift at the canteen, washing dishes, every time the water rippled, you could see his face. Distantly, you hoped Joel had felt like this, after what he had done to you. You hoped he remembered what he said, remembered your expression when you relayed his own message to him.

If you were honest with yourself, you think that if it had been Joel, you would’ve revelled in that expression. There’s a part of you, a part that is mean and bitter and full of resentment, that wants to hurt Joel, just like he had hurt you. You settle for staying as far away from him as you possibly can.

Joel had tried to see you a few times, back when it was fresh, with no luck from you. There was nobody in this world that you wanted to see less than him. At the very least, he got the message. Sometimes, you wonder if he had only shown up those few instances just for appearances. To make himself look better. It was no secret to the people of Jackson that Joel Miller was a questionable man, with an even more questionable past. But he did more for the town than most, so it wasn’t spoken about. Nothing more than whispers, anyway.

There had been a few whispers after your outburst at the Tipsy Bison, especially when somebody shared the news of your move across town. But it was chalked up to teenage dramatics, the youth, as if there really was such a thing.

Regardless, Tommy’s invitation to dinner was coming up in a mere two days. The knowledge of where and when it was happening made you uncomfortable, like an itch underneath your collar, it was stifling. Because that part of you, the one that wants to hurt Joel, also wants company. It craves a family, and that was a craving that had only ever come close to being fulfilled once. Still, it was a natural instinct within humans. Safety came in numbers, and there was comfort in having people you could trust. You wish that part of you could just be satisfied being solitary, because you’ll never go to that dinner. Not if you have anything to say about it.

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Two hours until dinner, and the sun was beginning to set.

And here you were, axe in hand, staring down at the dwindling pile of wood that you needed to cleave into pieces. It wouldn’t last two hours. In reality, it wouldn’t even last one. Still, you stare as though the logs might multiply, hoping for the excuse out of a dinner you didn’t want to go to. And you know that you have no obligation to any of those people, you do know that, but it’s hard to believe it. Partly because you don’t want to. Because you’re torn between the satisfaction of succeeding on your own, and the fear of cutting off all ties to the only people you think you’ve truly cared about.

Being alone is a lot easier in theory.

In practice, it’s harder than you had thought. You were doing okay when they all left you to it, left you to live your own life. But an invitation means something, and that’s hard to ignore.

You bring the axe down, letting the severing of wood distract you from all thoughts of invitations and dinners and meanings.

It’s about the most physical task they’ll let you do — courtesy of Tommy, you’re sure — but you relish in it. Something about it is rewarding. Reminds you of your capabilities, your survival. The cold air burns your lungs, and each swing of the axe makes your muscles ache, but in a satisfying way. And doing it like this, alone, makes you feel unmistakably powerful.

You hear the crunch of footsteps behind you, not heavy enough to be Tommy’s or—God forbid—Joel’s. You paid them no mind, leaning down to move the chopped wood into the pile you had already assembled. You grabbed another log and placed it down, and just as you were preparing to swing the axe back up, you heard somebody clear their throat.

“Hey,” Ellie said, when you turned around. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet as you failed to reply, fiddling with the gloves on her hands. “So, uh, you having fun chopping wood?” She asked, apparently trying to clear some of the tension that surrounded the two of you, that clung. You leant the top of the axe blade on the ground, and sighed. Your breath clouded in front of your face.

“What do you want?” You asked, repeating the very same question you had asked Tommy, feeling all the more certain about your adamancy about not going to that dinner. Ellie’s brows furrowed slightly, but she quickly deflated as soon as you could see the defensive air starting to rise within her.

She shifted again, before speaking. “Just wondering if you’re coming to dinner? Tommy said he wasn’t sure.”

You did your best not to scoff, mostly succeeding, as you turned back to the wood awaiting your axe. With practiced ease, your axe rose, and swung down at the wood, separating it with a satisfying crack. “Wouldn’t count on it.” You said, as polite as you could say: no, no, I’m not fucking coming to dinner. You’re not my family. You don’t care about me. I don’t care about you. There’s nothing left here.

It was ridiculous for them to send Ellie to come and convince you to attend, of all people. Their best bet would have been Maria, who had never technically done anything that had hurt you. No, all of the fault laid with the Millers, and with Ellie.

The two of you could’ve remained friends, could’ve been something close to a family, but she didn’t want that. She chose to cut you out, to isolate you even further, to disappear from your life completely, despite being the only reason you had ever opened up to Joel. It was like she had taken a knife, and cut you open, let you warm, simmer, before leaving you out on the counter to cool. To rot.

“What happened to you?” Ellie asked, as if she didn’t know, as if she hadn’t been a part of it. Like there was no reason for your shift from being warm around her, to being ice cold. She had done this to you. At least, in part.

You didn’t say anything at first, choosing to finish chopping the wood in front of you, and piling it off to the side. Finally, you turned to her as she watched you, brows furrowed, lip curled defensively. “You people happened. You all fucking happened. Is that enough for you? Is that enough for why I don’t want to go to some stupid winter dinner?” You said, not raising your voice, but hearing more anger and irritation seep into your tone as you spoke.

She looked like she wanted to take a step back, but she stayed firm. “We all have our own problems,” Ellie told you, voice harsh and unrelenting as she spoke, and her expression hardened. “Everybody does! It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, okay?”

It would have been so easy to continue arguing with her, to descend into childish taunts and quips, to disguise genuine hurt with ridiculous arguments, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You said nothing, turning back to the depleting supply of unchopped wood.

Ellie seemed ready to burst. “Me and Joel have our own fucking problems! It’s not always good. But you can’t just give up on someone!” She said loudly, stepping towards you, ignoring the snow crunching underneath her shoes. It seemed to you that she was trying to convince herself, more than anything. Whatever she came to you with, now, wasn’t really about you. It was about her.

“I’m not the one who gave up, Ellie. You and Joel are more alike than you know. But at least he had the decency to tell me why he was giving up on me.” You told her, staying calm, despite the way your blood was rushing through your body, carrying so much adrenaline you felt like your heart may just burst.

She gaped at you, seeming more stuck on the concept of her and Joel being alike than on how she had hurt you. You figured it would go like this, though, if the two of you ever spoke again. It wasn’t a surprise to you. Everything in your life always turned out the way you expected it to. Even Joel and Ellie, in the end, had done as much, despite surprising you at first. It was inevitable. Your every worry, every fear, even the ones that Tommy had once labelled as irrational, had turned out to be true.

You wouldn’t go to the dinner.

Everything between you and the extended Miller family was in ruins, and like you, it couldn’t be salvaged. It was over with. Done.

Now, all that was left to do was wipe your hands clean of them.

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A/N: hello if you made it this far! it has been a WHILE. but in honour of ITDWS being posted a year ago today (!!!!!!!!!) i thought i’d give y’all SOMETHING!!! it’s not amazing but i hope you enjoy!!! life has been crazy + i haven’t been writing much but i still love and appreciate every single one of you <3 i think of you often.

#heartpascal writes #joel miller imagines #joel miller one shot #joel miller fic #joel miller x reader #joel miller x platonic!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller imagine #tommy miller fic #tommy miller imagines #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x platonic!reader #tommy miller one shot #tommy miller angst #joel miller angst #ellie williams angst

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scoops-aboy86 · 2 months

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Twice Shy

For the April @steddiemicrofic prompt 'fool'!

wc: 454 | rated: G | cw: none | tags: referenced recreational drug use, brief angst with a happy ending, Nancy really messed Steve up, chubby Steve Harrington if you squint

Steve’s been fooled by Eddie plenty of times. When they were in school together, the guy once sold him literal grass clippings as weed and was an off-putting ass at every opportunity. Some of that could be explained by shit Tommy or the other jocks pulled, but mostly it was part of the bit. If Eddie was going to be cast as a freak, he’d be The Freak and become untouchable.

Spring Break dropped Eddie straight into a bucket of trauma and rinsed that bravado away. And Steve had bought into the idea that only cowardice was left—not judging him for it, because Steve had almost run too, back in the very beginning.

Until the idiot shocked them all by standing his ground against the demobats, saving Dustin’s life.

Being shoved against a wall one day and called “big boy” another have weaseled their way into Steve’s head. So, once the doctors clear Eddie to go home, Steve offers his because… the guy no longer has one. Wayne moves in too, and for a while it feels like having family around. Less like family when Eddie kisses him on the couch one night during an impromptu Star Wars marathon, but, yeah. Eddie’s shit starts gradually migrating up into Steve’s room until, a month or two later, he’s basically moved in.

So it hurts when Steve, who just wanted to surprise Eddie at Corroded Coffin’s first show back at the Hideout, after they played the song Eddie wrote for him, watches his supposed boyfriend sidle up to some guy at the bar and lean in to say something with that smile. The one Steve thought was just for him.

Someone drops their drink, spattering Steve’s shoes with glass shards and beer. He doesn’t realize until Eddie looks up that it was him, and, well. Of all the times he’s been fooled into thinking Eddie’s something he’s not, this one is the worst. So Steve does what he did when Nancy called him bullshit; he turns and shoves his way out the door.

Only this time, he’s followed. Can’t help thinking I used to be faster than this when Eddie catches up.

“Steve—He asked about your song!”

Pride keeps Steve moving, but his thoughts hesitate. When they’re even with the van he lets Eddie pull him alongside it, less visible between cars, relatively safe.

“Baby,” Eddie says, eyes huge and close. He smells like sweat and smoke, but thankfully not booze. “I know how that must’ve looked, but I love you. You’re it for me.”

Steve has always been the first to say it… but not this time. Feeling like a fool for jumping to conclusions, he hugs Eddie close. “Shit, Eds, I love you too.”

Permanent tag list: @hotluncheddie

#steddiemicrofic #steddiemicroficapril #steddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #scoops words #there's something so special about eddie beating steve to saying i love you

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intuitively-her · 1 year

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Compliments you receive behind your back

Pile 1-(The Tower, 8 of swords, Judgement, The Magician, 4 of wands, Knight of pentacles, Ace of pentacles, Ace of wands)

People really admire your ability to put the pieces back together after a shitty situation. You've been on a long adventure of self-discovery and it's served you very well. You have a good judge of character as well. I think past situations have helped build your discernment. Therefore, you rarely ever get caught up in bs anymore. People really admire how sweet and supportive you are. There's something very cheerful about you. You tend to be the happiest in the room lol. You may travel a lot. You could've traveled abroad recently or are planning to. People love how you go under the radar at times and then suddenly pop out with something new. Your aesthetic is heavily admired, especially the way you dress. Even down to your mannerisms and the way you talk. People really like you. You have a hardworking and responsible nature. You won't let yourself or those you care for fail. You turn lemons into lemonade! People love how you can manifest prosperity and new beginnings. It makes them think, "If pile 1 can do it, I can too!" You're an idol babe.🌟

*channeled song: Barbie girl by aqua

*daily affirmations: Today I am mindful. Today I know deep in my heart and soul that happiness and self-worth are within me. Today I trust myself. Today I know that I will make the right decisions to maintain a happy and healthy life.

Pile 2-(Ace of cups, 2 of swords rx, 5 of wands rx, 3 of wands, The Hermit, 6 of cups rx, 10 of swords rx, The Star, 6 of wands rx)

People admire how expressive you are with your emotions. You may be really good with kids, or people really love your childish nature. Your fairness is very admired. I feel like you don't like to take sides in situations. You try to see everything from multiple perspectives. You have this innate ability to ease conflict and brighten the mood. Someone here could be an alchemist. You're so self-sacrificial to others. People really admire your ability to self-reflect and right your wrongs. You really make an effort to change. You may have been forced to grow up fast. This is inspiring to the ones that know your story. You have transformed into someone unrecognizable. You remain humble even though you're in the spotlight. Like you know you have eyes on you but you don't let it go to your head.

*daily affirmation: Today I am healthy. Today my mind, heart, and soul are one healthy being.

Pile 3-(The Empress, Queen of pentacles, Temperance, The World, Strength, 10 of cups, The Moon rx, 5 of wands, Queen of wands rx, 7 of cups)

People really admire your motherly qualities. Someone here could be a mother. If so, people think you're an amazing mom. It's like you would give your child/children the world if you could. For someone specific, people really love your cooking. Your presence is just so healing. You take pride in keeping your family stable and people really admire that. You're very big on family in general. You're very protective over your family and will go to war for anyone you care about. I keep hearing "mama bear". Your honesty is something that is very admired by your friends/family. People admire how patient you are with life in general. You may have been through lessons that taught you how precious time is and not to take people/things for granted. You have great optimism. Your vulnerability is admired as well. Others can tell that you're not scared to let your guard down to those closest to you. Your beauty is heavily admired as well. I heard "one of a kind". People admire how you have others that are jealous or mad at what you do. It's kinda like "ouuu pile 3 has fans"👀

*daily affirmations: Today I am flexible. Today I adapt to changes in my life with an open mind and a positive outlook. Today I have faith. Today I have faith and truly believe that anything is possible.

Pile 4-(Page of swords rx, 5 of swords, 4 of swords, 5 of pentacles, 2 of pentacles, Knight of wands, Ace of wands, The Magician, The Sun, The Lovers rx)

People admire your ability to sniff out the bad in people/situations. You've probably saved others from unfavorable situations. You may like to fight fire with fire in some situations. People really admire your bold and fiery personality. You have a warrior type of energy. It makes me think of Rosie the Riveter. People love how you take care of yourself while still juggling so many responsibilities. You may be in a position where you're closed off to love rn to be more focused on self and what you love most. People wish they could be like that. A lot of people look up to you and want to follow your ideas/what you believe in. People see how much balance you have. Your life is like a beautiful chaos and you handle it so freaking well. It's really admired how you put time into your family and take care of them. This pile gives me rich auntie vibes lol. You really inspire others to do better.

*daily affirmation: Today I will not give in. Today I will not allow negative thoughts or feelings to prevent me from achieving happiness.

#tarot #tarot reading #pick a card #pick a pile #pick an image #paid readings

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unabashednightmarepizza · 9 months

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A/N: This is like the backstory of both AUs I'm writing, minus the Dainsleif love from hundreds of years ago in "Last Champion" and the one with the regular SAGAU.

And yes, this is me begging for some SAGAU, Creator!Reader ideas/requests alonsgide with Dainsleif and Baizhu, or any other characters

Okay so, in both of the Creator!Reader AU's I'm writing, reader favoures Khaenri'ah more but never outly says it in fear of a War or the Archons not taking it well. They are the "pride and joy" of Them, (the people worships Them, and yes they are godless in a way but they devoted themselves to the Creator so who is mightier? Mondstadt? Natlan?) and when not even the Archons or the Four Shade knew of the Creator's face, They were sitting with Dain eating peacefully or playing with the children of Khaenri'ah as They let the younger ones play in wonder with Their powers, the makeshift toys and park with Their golden powers, with Their starry hair and braid it as they liked.

It wasn't a norm, nor was it forbidden to be touchy with their Creator since They insisted on it. Every day, the Creator would come and watch them, or up on the throne, as they accomplished more and more each day.

And in the meantime, They also understood their ambitions and love for the nature of life. They had become much more humane, understanding of feelings and why they did what they did and why they reacted in certain ways.

The first time They felt pain was one that gave Dain nightmares-

But the day They felt love was... even more chaotic and also wholesome.

Platonic love when a mother rushed to her child when the kid fell and romantic öne when They... saw a couple kissing.

"Dain, what's that?" You pointed softly with a confused tilt of your head and Dain had to refrain from smiling softly at you.

He had a reputation to uphold, even if it included his God.

"Hmm? Oh, a couple, Your Grace." He stated obviously, watching you hum for a second before your starry eyes found his blue, star-shaped one and caught it in a soft and intense way. You held his hand thightly in yours, your heart beating loudly inside the mortal cages of this body as a foreign feeling coursed through you... Unknown to the way Dain's heart as well beated harshly under his own as a blush rose to his pale cheeks.

"And what are they doing?"

"They are kissing... It's what people who love each other do." He said breathlessly and stared at your lips. That was wrong, but you were just so kind... so understanding and loving.

And all the time you two spent together made hım slowly fall for you, all the time he watched you force someone in the palace to have a walk with you or play pranks while trying to stiffle his own chuckles captured his heart.

"So... does that mean we can do that too?"

*shocked Pikachu Dain as he tried to explain that you can't do that with everyone but your lover*

But, no one could deny the fact that their captain was so obviously in love with Them. So captivated and enchanted by them that it really touched their heart whenever they saw him carrying You between his arms with a lovesick smile as you laughed serenely, lighting their souls and heart up, while pointing to somewhere that caught your attention.

There were some that preferred you to show the same affection to the Royal family, but most were pleased and happy that it was someone they relied on. So much so that there were many festivals on both of your names, though you two sneaked away and under a white canopy...

Had your first kiss ever, with a promise ring soon gifted to each other that represented eternity with your pure love.

You foolishly believed everything would be better, no one would suspect anything and you would get to court him peacefully. You didn't slack on your job, and Dain understood that. Of course he did! He was glad and happy that he had the eternal love of the Creator after all, and the times you two spent time together in either his or your bed, talking idly with him tracing shapes on your back and you listening to his heart as you laid on his chest, creating even more memories to look back to, the lights of the City reflecting on your bodies as your love for the man warmed him in a protective cacoon...

It was true heaven for both you, Teyvat and Khaenri'ah.

But nothing good lasts forever, not when you forgot one trivial thing

Celestia knows tho, all the times you ascended down It watched you with jealousy and hatred as all your affection was poured on them and this Dainsleif. It was your first creation, It was there before Teyvat, that Dainsleif was there. It was who you loved the most once...First the Archons, and now Khaenri'ah took you away from Them.

And if They had to get rid of them, and all the people that took you away... So be it.

And shit goes down to when the Cataclysm happens and as the Creator, who also had to fight Celestia so that your children would be safe, at one last attempt at defending and protecting Khaenri'ah who had become more like an actual home that people you should have never cared for in the beginning, you give away your powers so that they would be saved from the evil clutches of Celestia and live.

(Even though it wasn't enough to prevent the "immortality curse" and "eroison".)

But! That also means that Celestia would be able to easily overpower Them and torn the Creator!Reader apart, to make Them even more weaker to chain them forever with them, or maybe away from Teyvat to where they could watch Them forever.

And Dain, as your beloved, is obviously angry. Angry at everything, at the curse on him that slowly ate his memories with you away, his humanity away but then... Then he remembers, he remembers the time you worriedly told him that Celestia had been acting strange, like what they called "a spoiled child".

But you never even for once thought about the possibility of your first creation to betray you like that, even when he talked about his concerns about your safety, to be more cautious.

"They are my first ever, we have been side by side for so long, They would never do that!"

And now, you were forced to watch as they... everyone screamed in pain and agony, begging for help and loosing their minds, and their lives... Dain becoming the shell of the man he once was as he became a nomad... Ei loosing Makoto, Morax loosing his friends and Guizhong, Barbatos loosing that batd friend of him that thought him of Freedom, Buer giving herself away...

But none of them, not even for once blaming you.

But, if there was one thing Celestia didn't think about... It was the fact that you would never leave your people alone to die, to perish.

And as you waited in the shadows, in a deep slumber, until your time came, you silently made your plans.

For now... You let Celestia believe that They were victorious.

For now... They wouldn't face the true wrath of the Creator, as they too, changed.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact sagau #sagau #genshin sagau #genshin impact creator reader #genshin impact creator au #genshin impact #dainsleif #dainsleif x reader #dainsleif x you #dainsleif x creator!reader #dainsleif x god!reader #dainsleif x y/n #zhongli x reader #ei x reader #venti x reader #SAGAU and Creator!Reader AUs of mine are just me dissing and roasting Celestia

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wangxianficfinder · 28 days

Text

Fic Finder

May 13th

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1. I really need help finding a fic! It's either ABO or the Chinese equivalent kunze/qianyuan. It's got some sort of arranged marriage, as Madam Yu(?) marries WWX off to LWJ. In this universe Alphas often do not allow their Omegas to bite them back and create a reciprocated bond, as it gives them power and status in society. LWJ lets WWX bite him back (because he's a romantic and a sap), and the Jiang's are salty because JYL wasn't given a reciprocal bond when she married JZY, so WWX is technically of a higher status than she is now. @star-whatevers

FOUND!🔒Alliance AU by Ilona22 (E, 21k, WangXian, JYL/OC, Arranged Marriage, A/B/O Dynamics, PWP, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Intersex Omegas, Not JC Friendly, Matchmaking, canon Jiang family dynamics, Family time, Night Hunts, Mention of male omega pregnancy, Intrigue at Jinlintai, Mentions of Prostitution, War, Conflict between characters)

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2. Hi! Fic finder plz. Looking for a fic where wwx is "sacrificed" by the other great sects to the gusu lan (in exchange for something? Don't remember). He is given to lwj and all the sects assume wwx is going to be a concubine (so much so that when they present wwx to lwj they dress him up like a concubine). Wwx also expects this and is very surprised when Iwj treats him nicely and everything. You can tell that lwj has fallen for wwx but is holding himself back. Wwx gradually falls for him too. I remember there was a part where the great sects came to visit and were surprised that wwx wasn't treated like a concubine. Tysm!!

FOUND? golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight (Not rated, 95k, slow burn, sugar daddy LWJ, light, angst, fluff, developing relationship, eventual smut, WIP)

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3. Hiii!!!

I'm looking for a fic where Lan Zhan is de-aged and the juniors take care of him while on a night hunt. Wei Ying is still away and has not returned and they have not confessed yet. Baby LZ just wants his WY so the junior quartet takes him to Qinghe to a discussion conference or smth. Wei Ying is also called there and LZ just goes and hugs him.

That's all I can remember. I think he was cursed to be more open and vulnerable so that he could confess.

Thanks! @ffaddictsrn

FOUND! Send Me Your Earnest Love by goneforthestars (T, 13k, WangXian, Age Regression/De-Aging, Curses, Attempt at Humor, Light Angst, baby LWJ, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Post-Canon)

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4. I hope you can help, fingers crossed! I've tried everything on this one... Jin sibs murder JGS? sort of along the lines of Qin Su and the boys, but I can't even remember if it was a full fic on Ao3 or maybe even a ficlet/snippet on Tumblr? I think JZX was very shocked/normal reaction but siding with his siblings and JGY/MXY/QS were all stab-happy gremlins? I think JGY and QS might have found out much earlier that they were related and planned revenge together? Any help would be great, thank you! @katonahottinroof

I read #4 a few weeks ago😭 I believe lan zhan was a courtesan/prostitute who was supposed to assassinate wei ying, and lan zhan was beholden to meng yao for saving him. lab zhan ends up going to wei yings home in the burial mounds and gets poisoned I think ? does this sound familiar? the story may be tagged under courtesan lan zhan or prostitute lan zhan

NOT FOUND! out to get you (to get you) by iliacquer (E, 41k, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, switching, top/bottom LWJ, top/bottom WWX, power play, courtesan LWJ, assassin LWJ, dark lord WWX, bondage, happy ending, past slavery)

FOUND! 🔒Something is Rotten in the State of Lanling by East_Of_Akkala (T, 42k, XuanLi, 3Zun, LQY/QS, Fix-It, Character Death, Angst, Family Feels, Black Comedy, Except for chapter 1, MDZS SPOILERS, Canon Divergence, Jin Siblings Dynamics, QS Deserves Better, Humor, Fluff, Background Relationships, Warning: JGS, POV Multiple, POV QS, POV MXY, POV JGY, Murder, Attempted Murder, Illustrated Fic)

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5. Good afternoon! I hope everyone has had a pleasant day.

Can’t say how many of my favorite stories have been found through you guys!

For the next fic finder.

I’m looking for a fic that has both a/b/o in it but also the lan clan were dragons and wwx was a fox, I think. Either one or both, I can’t quite recall.

Oh and it’s set in study arch.

Wwx and Lwj were already a couple or courting at the very least.

Anyway what I remember the clearest was a part where wwx was walking some stairs, might have been the stars to cloud recesses.

Anyway a spiritual dog suddenly appears and I think starts chasing or just barking at wwx.

Anyway twin jades to the save.

It is later revealed that the dog belonged to Jin Zixun which was confirmed by Zixuan who recognized the dog.

That’s all I remember.

Have a nice day and keep up the fantastic work! @ravenwithwings

FOUND! Jades' Lotus by keela_1221 (E, 125k, LXC/WWX/LWJ, Jadecest, Incest, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Fluff, Smut, True Mates, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, WWX Has a Breeding Kink, Male Lactation, Marriage Contracts, Polyamory, Pining, thirst, Mpreg, They Experiment a Little, Cum Marking, switch everyone, Double Penetration, graphic description of childbirth, Sprinklings of angst for flavor)

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6. There's this wangxian fanfic I know I've read more than once, but I can't seem to find it anymore! Ok, so it's a modern world with cultivation fic, and in it the 5 Great Sects are like big crime syndicates or something similar. Wei Ying has his own territory in Yiling where he is known, of course, as the Yiling Laozu. The story uses specific terms to refer to some characters' status. Ex: Lan Wangji is the Red Pole of the Lan Sect, and Meng Yao is, I think, the Straw Sandal. Pls help me find it? @dreammaiden21

FOUND? 🔒 Words are Gonna Bleed from Me by GravityWinsAgain (E, 173k, WangXian, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Triad AU, Blood and Violence, Explicit Sexual Content, warnings in the notes, Modern with Magic, Dark Magic, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, Murder Husbands, POV WWX, Organized Crime, lovers to enemies to estranged lovers and back to lovers, it gets weird when somebody dies but not really, Angst, Feels, BDSM Switch WangXian, Ghosts, Body Horror)

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7. Hi there! I hope you can help me figure out which fic I have just remembered. I think it might have been an ABO fic, but I'm not sure. All I remember is one scene. There was some kind of trial, and WWX was seated in some kind of special alcove where nobody could see or hear him, so that he could watch without encountering the Jiangs. I think he made some kind of comment about the type of court drama that would necessitate such a feature being built. Does anyone else remember this? Thank you!! @balleyboley

FOUND! 🔒 Crossing Paths by Ilona22 (M, 21k, wangxian, shapeshifter au, graphic depictions of violence, war between sects, war crimes, not JC friendly, happy ending)

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8. hi! potentially very long shot, but I'm looking for a fic with this quote "Besides, no one ‘was good,’ in some isolated way. Good was a relation between people. Good was a thing you did." I saved this quote then, and sadly can't remember any other details about this fic... I'd love find it to reread again, thank you! @potatokunst

FOUND? I Started From the Bottom/And Now I’m Rich by x_los (E, 57k, WWX/WRH, WWX/JGS, wangxian, JYL/JZX, time travel fix-it, Pining, Marriage of Convenience, Arranged Marriage, No Sunshot Campaign, WQ Lives, Transmigration, Weddings, Sugar Daddy au, Sugar Daddy, Black Widow, Protective Siblings, Family, Dysfunctional Family, Family Bonding, Sugar Baby, consort, Politics, Demonic Cultivation, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Canon-typical domestic dysfunction, Canon-Typical Gore, Ballad 39: Tam Lin, YLLZ, Crack Treated Seriously) did a search for the quote and it came up -- ch 3, specifically

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9. Fic finder request: there's a fic I only recall some details of. In this fic, dual cultivation in the Cold Pond Cave contributes to the security of the Cloud Recesses, but it has to be done by powerful cultivators with a member of the main family. MY and LXC are married in this fic, but they are unable to use this method of boosting security because MY's cultivation level is not high enough. Wangxian do it eventually, and when they leave the Cold Pond Cave, they are congratulated (?) by the Lans, who were waiting outside. WWX is also welcomed into the sect as one of their own. I think JC comments at some point that it's really weird for him to be safe in Cloud Recesses because of this reason. Please help me find this fic!

FOUND? The Ritual by nightwalker (E, 12k, WangXian, Sex Magic, Post-Canon, Fluff and Smut)

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10. Hello! I am looking for a fic that might have been canon-esque, but also could have been modern, where Mama Lan calls Lan Zhan her little bird. Only I think for a while the author gave us the Chinese word for it, which I don't recall what it was. It's translated later in the story. Thank you!

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11. Looking for a longfic I read a while back. The elements I remember are that the Lan figured out that WWX wasn't being properly compensated/treated as a head disciple of the Jiang and the deliberate stunting of his academic education was a violation of (handwavy) Jianghu high academia codes of conduct. As a result the Lan got WWX his backpay and the Jiang teachers got shunned by their academic peers. Had similar vibes to Stunted, Starving Juvenility, but I did a reread of that recently and I'm pretty sure it was a different fic. Thanks! @alychelms

Love this one and recently read it, but not it. The fic I'm looking for was definitely in canon-setting

NOT FOUND sounds like part of the story for 🧡🔒Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! by KizuKatana (E, 178k, WangXian, WN & WWX & WQ, graphic depictions of violence, modern cultivation, canon divergence, YZY abuses WWX , caught on camera, partial core removal, WWX kicked out of Jiang sect, livestreamer WWX, meet ugly, dual cultivation, smut, no war)

FOUND!🔒 the language of flowers and silent things series by Reverie (cl410) (M, 107k, WangXian, LXC/NMJ, LWJ & Madam Lan, NHS & LWJ, LWJ & LXC, LWJ & NMJ, LWJ & NHS Friendship, Developing Relationship, POV LWJ, Minor Injuries, Autistic LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, aka the YZY warning, Genius WWX, Light Angst And Hurt/Comfort, WWX Protection Squad, Gusu Lan Sect, Slow Burn, Protective LWJ, LWJ-centric, Politics, Canon Divergence, No Sunshot Campaign, Cultivation Sect Politics, Protective WWX) I don't recall if backpay was a part of it, but 11 reminds me of this

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12. Hi, I really need help finding a fic I read on ao3 some time ago. It was a modern day fic, I believe set in America, where wei ying and lan zhan meet again at jiang yanli’s wedding. They both act awkward around each other and don’t really interact until they are all in the hotel lobby and wei ying is trying to leave because LZ…but yanli tells lan zhan to give him a ride because it’s suppose to be a long ride home (to a different state I believe and lan zhan will be driving by it either way so it’s ideal) Wei ying tries to reject the idea but LXC gets involved too and he’s like it’s a good idea. It’s like a long drive/road trip fic where they are forced to interact and make up. Thank you for your time and effort.

Hi, I wrote to you asking for fic #12 on your may 13th post. I ended up finding it. It was a wlw fic 7:15 from Chicago by milesofheart. I’m sorry for the inconvenience but thank you for this platform, allowing me to ask in the first place.

FOUND! 7:15 from Chicago by milesofheart (T, 24k, WangXian, F/F, Modern, Rule 63, Road Trip, Getting Together, Female WangXian, matchmaking siblings, recovering from traumatic childhoods, spiritual trauma, Lan Disciplines as modern religious fundamentalism, LWJ's defiance of the Lan Disciplines, activist LWJ, the universal rage of women in a sexist world, Estranged Friends to Lovers, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, brief references to sexual violence, references to past alcohol abuse, mention of spiking a drink as a bad practical joke but in a safe environment, mentions of real American political and social issues, brief mention of physical child abuse, past experiences of homophobia)

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13. I need help finding a fic. I've looked through my AO3 history and had no luck. Here's what I remember: Its a modern AU (I dont recall if its modern Cultivation or modern without magic) WWX is on the outs the Jiangs but is close to the Nies. There is a scene where NHS puts put Nie braids into WWX hair, and LWJ is jealous and takes them out. WWX developed a software that the Nies distribute and the Jiangs use. When WWX does online tech support for the Jiangs he uses the alias MXY.

FOUND! Come Around and Stay by trippednfell (M, 160k, WangXian, NieLan, Slow Burn, Kid Fic, Found Family, Modern AU, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, PTSD, Blood and Injury, Dissociation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Musicals, POV Alternating, Baking, Yunmeng reconciliation (eventually), Friend Zoning, Literal Sleeping Together, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks)

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14. Hello, how are you doing? 👋

I am looking for a fic which i found on this blog i think, i am not sure. It's where wwx breaks up with lwj as a dare but they're actually meeting for the first time. I thought i had it bookmarked but unfortunately i was wrong, please help me find it. 🫰

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15. Heya bros!! Got a request for the ficfinder? I read it a while back but accidentally closed the tab.

It was Wen Ning and Nis Huaisang centric. Chapter one was Wen Ning helping NHS escape qishan, chap 2 was NHS helping WN break outta the Jin dungeon and I think chap 3 was them talking about it??

I think Hua Cheng and Xie Lian made a very brief cameo in the third chapter?

FOUND? Jailbreaking by CullenBlue (T, 21k, WN & NHS, Canon Compliant, POV NHS, NHS Is A Little Shit, Cinnamon Roll WN, Fierce Corpse WN, Ghost General WN, References to Heavens Official’s Blessing, References to The Scum Villain’s Self Saving System, NHS insulting the Wen Clan’s taste in interior Decorating, Mentions of Murder, WN made a friend by talking about his childhood trauma, BAMF WN, Panic Attacks, mentions of gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Violence in the Name of Comedy, Trauma, Is NHS taking anything seriously? who knows, Bromance)

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16. Hi...

I am looking for this fic that I read a long time ago. It's a modern au and mpreg, where at the airport Wei ying went to the toilet and left a yuan with strangers (Mr & Madam Lan). Both of them thought twin jade especially lan zhan had a secret child as a yuan share similarities with the lan gene. If I'm not mistaken, Wei ying works together with lan zhan before leaving the country because of pregnancy and lan zhan doesn't even know about it. I don't remember why...🤔

Please help me find it. Thank you for your time 😊 @hazeylove89 //

Hi. I would hope to find this fic I read a long time ago. It's modern au where Wei ying leaving a yuan with stranger in airport for toilet break however the stranger is Mr &Mrs lan. Both of them thought a yuan is lan zhan child as a yuan share similarities with lan zhan. Btw this fic is mpreg n lan zhan don't know that Wei ying is pregnant.

Sorry if it's a difficult request. Thank you.

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17. hello! trying to find a specific tumblr post (not here but out in the wild) about yllz wwx actually being a fairly solid ghost who died in the burial mounds and knows he's dead but expects the ones he loves to also pick up on that and mourn him/give offerings? but none of them do; they see solid and assume alive, so he's feeling hurt about it. pretty sure it's here on tumblr somewhere but will accept fic recs

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18. this for fic finder <3 i remember reading a fic where WWX is a paperman and is spying on LWJ bathing. and then paperman wwx gets a cut and lwj gets angry or sulking at him for disregarding his safety @notdaniee

FOUND! I don't know about a fic but there's a comic by @moobiess like that

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19. hello, thank you for your help!

i was looking for this fic where wwx and mianmian are dating (?) and wwx accidentally moans lwj's name while making out/intercourse. i am unable to find it anymore. could you please help?

thank you again.

hello! #19 from the latest fic finder (may 13th). yes! it does! wwx goes to lwj's and they 'talk' about whatever happened and then they end up having sex.

bummer that they made it private, thank you for the help though!

sounds like a fic that has been privated/hidden by Pancho I believe , in the story does wei ying end up going over to Lan zhan and they have sex?

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20. hiii, i need help finding a fic on ao3 where lan wangji and wei wuxian time travel to the past and tell the sect leaders some form of info. the sect leaders are then nosy and weird about it so they end up using something to spy on them? lan xichen feels guilty but joins in anyway. in the scene that the sects see wwx and lwj are sitting and wwx is combing lwj's hair i think ? the two are aware that they're being watched as well. i don't remember much else, but i hope that's accurate enough. thank you so much.

FOUND? lan xichen is very concerned (and confused) by theninjacat (T, 3k, WangXian, POV Outsider, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Sunshot Campaign)

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#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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bberry005 · 2 months

Text

yeah yeah i know i usually post silly little anecdotes about the bad batch but how about some real analysis?

people have said it before but truly the only way for this show to have a message and meaning in the end is for it to have a happy (if not that then bittersweet) ending.

the whole point of the show is family, specifically clone force 99/the bad batch as a family. the show literally starts with them accepting omega into their family. throughout the show, this theme of family is repeated. them helping hera syndulla rescue her parents. them helping rex rescue their fellow clones because they're all brothers. phee introducing them to her family on pabu.

star wars has always had a message of love and family, but more often than not, that ends in tragedy. we're all hoping the bad batch will give us that ending where they're all reunited. they'll rescue omega/all escape tantiss in some way, tech will be revealed as cx-2 (i'm a supporter of this theory and for this post i'm going to assume he is cx-2), and they're able to all go and be TOGETHER as a family. what they do after that doesn't matter. they just need to be together.

i can see any of them sacrificing themselves in the finale, but the whole point should be that they're not ALLOWED to. not when they're this close. not when they're a family again. not when crosshair is back. not when they learn tech is alive. not when omega is safe. whoever (likely hunter or echo) tries to sacrifice themselves needs to be held back. because family is the point. because they're not letting ANYONE else pull a plan 99.

the bad batch show might be ending, but it shouldn't be the end of them as a squad. they HAVE to live. because family is the point, because they protect each other, because they're allowed that quiet life of not being soldiers and that time to heal and to join the rebellion if they want to. but if hunter, wrecker, crosshair, and echo die, and tech is either not cx-2 or they can't save him, and omega stays in tantiss forever, it destroys their whole theme that they've spent the whole show developing.

tragic endings and stories are star wars specialty (the prequels, the clone wars, rogue one, andor, hell even rebels and solo to an extent). the bad batch has potential to show us that there is that other central theme of star wars: hope. there's hope for our main characters and that they'll be the ones who show us that not every hero who fights for the rebellion/the republic just faces tragedy. there's hope that omega can grow up in peace. there's hope that hunter can have his quiet life away from being a soldier. there's hope that echo can keep fighting for what he believes in, that crosshair can heal, that tech will live, that wrecker will see all his brothers again.

basically, star wars give us a happy ending to this story of family and hope. we deserve it, the characters deserve it, and the story deserves it.

#star wars #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #star wars tbb #hunter tbb #omega tbb #tbb wrecker #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb tech #the bad batch final season #the bad batch season 3

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eriexplosion · 5 months

Text

So the main reason I think that TBB will have a reasonably happy ending is multifaceted but I think the biggest one is that a lot of the series it's compared to have entirely different focuses but only one requires minimum the majority of the characters to be alive.

It comes down to the central question of the work. Let's look at TCW - this one is super broad because it's essentially an anthology rather than an overarching narrative. It's literally just "what happens between attack of the clones and revenge of the sith." The only thing needed to bring it to a satisfactory close is to go up to the end of the clone wars and segue into ROTS. Which, as a tragic film, does necessitate a bit of a downer ending. But, the ending feels fulfilling even with the tragedy because it satisfies the central question.

Rogue One is much more narrow, how did the rebellion get the death star plans? The reason you can do a total cast annihilation in this one is because the central question isn't character focused at all, it's mission focused. As long as they move the mission forward, the characters dying doesn't make the ending less satisfying. The central question is answered.

So what's been TBB's central question? It hasn't been mission focused, it's not "how do we fight the Empire" and its not as broad as TCW's filling in a multi year gap between movies. It's asking "who are these clones if they're not soldiers" it's asking "how do you heal this family that's been broken by tragedy."

And killing off most of the main cast answers these questions as "nothing" and "You don't." It's like answering "what happened between these two movies" with 'nothing' or 'how did they get the death star plans with 'they didn't.' It negates the central question that we're introduced to, it would render the entire endeavor pointless. Why would we need three seasons to get Omega from 'alone' to 'still alone' why would we build up the desire for the family to heal just to say they never will? Why would we watch them go from broken to more broken to absolutely shattered in a trauma mill? It doesn't answer anything, it just trails off.

I don't even think that the question of how to heal the family can be satisfied if Tech is actually dead. MAYBE if we had more time we could soothe away the trauma of that and still resolve everything. Maybe if his loss was the only one that needed to be wrapped up and processed we could resolve that in the time we have left.

But needing to bring Crosshair home, bring Omega home, AND heal everyone from Tech's death in fifteen episodes that also require enough action to keep ten year old boys interested? Yeah, I don't think that's happening. I think the only way that this gets wrapped up in a way that actually holds to the themes of the show is an ending that has the family together, an ending that actually answers the questions we started with, one that said *they're not soldiers, they're family* and that the family is in fact capable of being healed.

#the bad batch #tbb speculation #idk idk i just can't doomsay about this one #maybe it'll all backfire on me but right now I'm an optimist #i do genuinely think it'll be okay #its almost 2 am so this might not be coherent

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jangofettjamz · 4 months

Text

Valentines Success

Jenna Ortega x Autistic!Male!Reader

Summary: You and Jenna exchange Valentines gifts

Words: 1162

2nd Person POV

(5 days earlier)

Jenna and You walked down the mall, shopping bags in hand. It was particularly quiet today which made the experience a little more bearable today than what you're regularly accustomed to.

You two soon came to a stop in front of a clothing store Jenna frequents, one of her favourite stores. However, the amount of people in store was quite substantial and you too could get noticed in public, something neither of you minded if they're fans, but today you two just wanted some quiet

You quickly thought of a solution to avoid being spotted by the public, and also maybe because you didn't want to go into the store yourself because of the people. "Hey babe, why don't you go in the store and I'll stay out here. That way it'll be harder for people to spot us since we're not close together" you suggested.

"You sure sweetie?" She says and you reply promptly with a nod and a smile. Jenma gives you a loving kiss on the cheek "I'll only be a couple minutes." She says and walks into the store, leaving you standing in the mall, looking for anything interesting to pass the time.

Not far from the clothing store was the LEGO store, one of your personal favourites. LEGO has been a comfort item for most of your life, and let's be honest, who doesn't love LEGO.

You walked over to the store and entered it, immediately engulfed with childhood nostalgia and familier sights that just make you feel all happy and giddy inside.

You looked at each set and their themes. They had from Star Wars, Spider-Man, Marvel Comics, Batman, DC Comics, Pirates In The Caribbean, Harry Potter; literally endless options, but you were looking for Star Wars.

There was one set you really wanted, the "Ultimate Collectors Series Lego Millennium Falcon" coming in at 7541 pieces overall. It was massive, and you wanted it.

Though, there was a problem, you were broke. You had just bought Jenna a really expensive necklace for her valentines day gift. You don't regret buying it because you know she'll love it, but you can't help but feel a little sorry for yourself over the fact you can't afford to buy a set you REALLY wanted.

You caressed the cardboard box that displayed the sets box art, and the blocky contents in held within its frame. "One day you'll be mine" you whispered to the large box as if it were sentient.

But unbeknownst to you, Jenna was peeking from around the shop entrance out of your view, watching you stare in awe of the gargantuan LEGO ship. She knew right then and there that this was the perfect gift to get you.

"Oh Y/N/N you're in for a surprise" She chuckled to herself mischievously.

(literally Jenna from around the corner watching you)

(Present day)

It was the moment both of them had been waiting for. It was gift giving time. You and Jenna have treated yourselves to a valentines day brunch and just got back home. You were eager for her to recieve her gift, and she felt the same about hers.

You opened the door for her upon entering your house "Why aren't just a gentleman" she said, with a kiss on the lips as reward for your politeness. You went over to the spot where you hid the box that contained the necklace and hid it behind your back.

You walked over to Jenna with a smile on your face. She cocked an eyebrow and smirked knowing you had something behind your back. "Honey, what are you hiding?" You smiled as she waited with eager anticipation.

Taking a deep breath, you began "Jenna, in all my years of living you've given me more joy than I could've ever imagined. You're are the absolute light of my life and today I just wanted to give you something as a token of my undying gratitude." You pulled the box out from behind you and presented it to her.

Jenna gently took the box from your hands and opened it. The jewels from the diamond necklace were almost blinding as they reflected across her skin, her eyes went wide as soon as they set upon them.

Jenna was barely able to contain a squeal of pure joy and excitement, settling for a loud gasp instead. A small note was under where the necklace sat. It read "Happy Valentines day, Jenna. I love you. P.S im broke now becuz of u <3 - your forever person, Y/N"

Jenna laughed upon reading the note and tears dripped down her face, which brought a smile yours knowing you did good with your gift. She held both of your hands "You are the champion of making me happiest person in the world, Y/N L/N. You are the kindest, sweetest and most adorable person I've ever had pleasure of knowing and I'm glad to call you, my lover."

You blushed hard at the comment. The two of you leaned in and shared a loving kiss to commemorate the love you felt for each other, a love that will stand the test of time no doubt. Jenna leaned away and continued her speech.

"Which is why I got you something too." You waited to find out what it was but she just laughed. "You're gonna wanna sit down for this one" you were heavily confused but laughed and shrugged. You sat down on the couch and closed your eyes.

Your heard Jenna rummaging around to get your gift, her grunting implied that it was something heavy or large. She placed the large box in your lap and placed your hands at the top, holding them tightly.

"This is something I got for you to show you how much I adore you. I love you so much, sweet boy and there are so many more gifts to come" she says and kisses the top of your head. "Open your eyes, bunny"

You did as you were told and soon recognised the box art from the LEGO set you admired from days past. You let out a loud gasp, mostly out of shock, and Jenna was just enjoying the sight.

You soon begin smiling widely like The Joker and tears brimmed at you eyes. "Jenna..." you sniffled. She really did that for you. How did she even know? "How did you...?" You stuttered, unable to focus on what your voice sounded like. You were too excited to care.

Jenna took her place next to you on the couch "Let's just say I have my ways. Happy Valentines day, bunny. I love you more than gifts could ever describe" She kissed you temple and laid her head on your shoulder.

This was a Valentines Day success for sure.

A/N

Short one but I hardly have the time to write so I hoped you enjoyed this one. Not proofread.

#jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #male reader #wednesday x reader #wednesday x you #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x y/n #tara carpenter x you #wednesday x y/n

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nowritingonthewall · 3 months

Text

Let me take your hand

Fandom: Star Wars

Character(s): modern!AU Poe, Shara Bey and Kes Dameron

Pairing: Poe Dameron x gn!reader

Summary: Sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Words: 6900

Warnings: Hurt/comfort with a lot of hurt (!) in the beginning, aftermath of losing a parent (please please please don’t read if you fear that you might not be able to bear reading this!), reader celebrates Christmas, kind of spoilery if you haven’t read “Free Fall”

A/N: This was supposed to be a cute little spin-off of another Christmas story that spiralled completely out of control. 2023 was the third Christmas with this story living rent free in my mind and I was really determined to finally write and finish it this time before becoming really sick for two months. Even though it’s nearly Easter I hope that maybe one or two of you might still like it <3

As always, I apologize for not being a native speaker.

Christmas used to be Poe’s favourite time of the year.

There were presents, bright sparkling lights all over the city, the smell of freshly baked cookies, joyful songs on the radio, people being so much kinder than usual, chocolate glazed koyo berries and most importantly: both of his parents would be at home. Because Christmas was sacred.

Sure, presents were nice and everything, but sneaking into his parents’ bedroom before dawn on Christmas Morning, cuddling up to them under their warm blankets, lying safe and snug between them in a huge loving hug sandwich, knowing that for once there was no rush to get up and nothing to worry about because the day belonged to no one but their family?

There was nothing in Poe’s whole world that would ever be able to beat that.

Christmas was his favourite thing in the entire universe.

Even his very first memory was created on Christmas Eve. Shara and Kes would dance together at every possible (and impossible) opportunity they got, but that very first dance in the light of their Christmas tree on Christmas Eve was special.

It was as special to them as the song that had to accompany their dance: 'Let Me Take Your Hand' by Hera and the Rebels.

It was the song that had played on an old record player when they had met in an airplane hangar for the very first time. It had played when they had shared their first kiss, when Kes had proposed to his beloved Shara, when they had their first dance at their wedding, and when Shara had told Kes with happy tears in her eyes that they were going to be parents.

Music like a tender hug wrapping its loving arms around you, caressing your soul and soothing your heart, leaving you feeling like nothing in the world could ever hurt you.

Would you let me take your hand

And hold you gently

And kiss you softly

If I said I loved you

That Christmas Eve, as his parents began to sway in tune with the first few bars of the old forty-five crackling over the loud speakers, little Poe had no idea that he had just become part of a very long and love-filled Dameron Christmas tradition.

He was simply the happiest little boy, cuddled against his Dad’s chest, who held him gently yet safely close to his heart. With his Mom taking his hands in hers and making funny faces at him while singing along to the music, his eyes sparkled even brighter than the lights of the Christmas decorations around him.

As soon as the song was over, he wiggled his tiny feet and clapped his little hands in excitement, squealing giddily, “‘gain pwease!”

And his parents didn’t mind at all. With the record playing over and over again, they took turns kissing each other and placing the softest of kisses on their son’s forehead, cooing how much they loved him.

Poe couldn’t get enough of it.

On his eighth Christmas Eve, as Poe clung to Shara’s leg during their dance, he decided that part of him couldn’t wait to grow up and find his special someone to dance to their song. He vividly imagined how he would look at them the same way as Kes was looking at Shara.

Of course, his parents would still be there and enjoy dancing right next to him. He would do a show of being embarrassed when his Mom would try to ruffle his hair, because for some weird reason, grown-ups were supposed to hate it, even though he wouldn’t actually mind at all. And his Mom and Dad would love you nearly as much as he would and his parents would be so happy for their son to carry on their Christmas tradition.

If only he had known. If only he had known that this would be the very last Christmas with his Mom. Maybe he would have clung to her a little tighter, maybe he wouldn’t have nicked quite so many Christmas cookies, maybe he would have told her how much he loved her just one more time.

But then again, if he had known, it probably wouldn’t have been the most wonderful Christmas ever or the last time that he could remember his Dad looking truly happy before everything changed forever.

Only a year later it was hard to believe that any of those beautiful memories had been real at all.

Despite his insurmountable grief, Kes had tried his best to make this Christmas as magical for his son as it used to be. It was just that he had never quite gotten the hang of how Shara had always managed to make the Christmas tree and their apartment look so beautiful and festive and welcoming. And no matter how many Christmas lights he would string or how many candles he would light, it seemed like all their warmth and brightness had left when Shara did.

It was the night before their first Christmas without his Mom when Poe woke up to the most desperate stifled sobs coming from the living room. Full of worry, he stumbled out of bed and through the flat, the sinking feeling in his tummy growing heavier with each step of his bare feet on the ice cold floor tiles.

When he reached the door to the living room, the picture unfolding in front of him nearly tore is heart apart: The hunched over figure of his Dad lying under the Christmas tree, face hidden behind his hands, crying so violently his whole body was shaking.

Before even being able to form a single coherent thought, Poe had already crouched down on the floor right next to his Dad, trying to pull him into a hug – just like he knew his Mom would have done to comfort him.

His arms didn’t quite reach all the way around the package that his Dad had folded himself into but Poe tried to make up for it by pouring all the softness and warmth and tenderness from his big little heart into his words when he said, “I love you, Daddy! It’s gonna be okay!”

His Dad didn’t react. So Poe tried again, squeezing him even tighter this time but all it drew from Kes was another heart-wrenching sob.

But Poe wasn’t going to give up that easily. After all, just because his Mom wasn’t here with them in person, it didn’t mean that she didn’t celebrate Christmas with them. And if she was looking down at them from her cloud in Heaven among all the most beautiful angels in the universe (because there was no doubt for Poe, that’s exactly where his Mom would be), it would surely break her heart to see her two boys crying on Christmas Eve. And he couldn’t let his Mom down, could he? Not at Christmas.

And there was one thing left to try.

Hurrying over to the record player, he found what he was looking for exactly where his Mom had stored it away neatly last year. Ever so carefully, as if handling the most precious item in the world, he let the record slide out of its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. Slowly and gently, just like his Mom had taught him, he lowered the tone arm before turning back to his Dad.

With the first few soft sounds floating across the room, Kes finally raised his head, looking up to where his son stood, holding out his hand for his Dad. As he slowly got on his feet, Poe took a step towards him and tried his best to put on a brave smile, his eyes encouraging and full of hope.

Kes looked at his son. And he looked at the record player. Then he walked straight past his son and with a cry of agony that made Poe stumble backwards with a start, Kes tore the record off the turntable and threw it to the ground with enough force to break it into a thousand pieces. Yet they were nothing compared to the millions of pieces that little Poe’s heart shattered into at this very moment.

As his father stormed out of the room, Poe kept staring at the broken remnants of the last happy memory of his family. Trying to understand what on earth had just happened. What had he done wrong?

Maybe it was the shock, maybe it was the confusion, but he didn’t even notice how he began to shiver as the cold crawled up from the floor over his bare feet and under his thin pyjamas. Until he could no longer tell whether the numbness creeping into his heart and soul came from the cold or the growing ache in his chest. He had never felt more lost or lonely in his entire life.

For the briefest of moments, he wondered whether it would be possible to glue the pieces back together again. But as he knelt down and began to pick them up slowly, one by one, that last flicker of hope was extinguished quickly.

As he pondered over what to do, he spotted the stack of Christmas napkins that his Mom had bought last year, after Poe had insisted that the teddy bear pictured on them looked just like his beloved plushie Mr. Beebs. He had spent hours sitting right next to her, learning how to fold them into the most intricate shapes, just like his Mom had done, until he had declared excitedly that his Mom would never have to worry about folding a set of napkins for their guests ever again because now she had Poe to take care of that. Taking one of the napkins from the stack now, he could vividly remember the fondness in her eyes as her smile had outshone his proud little grin.

After spreading the napkin out on the floor, he piled the pieces of the record up onto it, carefully and gently, until even the tiniest of pieces had been accounted for. Looking around the room for something to tie the napkin bundle up with, his gaze fell upon Mr. Beebs sitting on the couch with his tiny bow tie around his neck. It didn’t seem right to take it, but Poe apologized to his teddy and promised that he would only borrow it for a little while.

Having the napkin tied neatly together, he got up off the floor, taking one last look at the Christmas tree. A source of warmth and comfort for as long as he could remember, its lights and decorations almost seemed like they were mocking him now. As his eyes began to wander along its branches, his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the tree.

“I am sorry, Mommy,” he whispered.

As Poe held the napkin bundle gently against his heart, the tears began to fall. Unseen and in silence, yet hot and burning.

He was still clutching the little bundle to his chest when he found himself crying quietly in his bed a little later. He held it even tighter when he could hear the soft footsteps of his father approaching.

“Poe?” Kes’ voice was so gentle, it was barely audible to his son.

“Poey, sweetheart… I am sorry! I am… I am so so so sorry!”

Staring at the wall in front of him, Poe couldn’t see how his father’s tears over losing the love of his life had turned into tears over the fear of losing his son. He couldn’t see how his father reached out his hand towards him, only to hesitate at the very last moment, too afraid that he would just make things worse.

He couldn’t see how Kes longed for nothing more than to hug Poe close to his heart and never let him go again, desperate to find a way to comfort his son without subjecting him to his own soul crushing pain.

All he could see, over and over again, was that moment when his father walked right past him to smash their record to pieces.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

Determined that he didn’t want Kes to see him cry, Poe pulled the covers over his head. And just like he had wrapped the napkin around the broken pieces of the record, Poe could feel something else wrapping itself around his heart. Not nearly as gentle and careful, but way harder and tighter and indefinitely more painful.

His father didn’t want to take his hand.

It was the last time that either of them acknowledged the song. It was the last time that music was played in the Dameron household.

And Poe never danced again.

Sometimes he would dream of it, though. Holding someone in his arms and swaying to the soft rhythm of a melody while waiting for Christmas cookies to bake in the oven or the first coffee of the day to finish brewing. But it never felt quite right. As soon as that longing ache would make itself known, he would shove it back to where it came from. Burying it a little deeper every time. After all, life was not a flipping Disney Christmas movie.

Yet there was a part of him that never stopped trying to find the song again. Even more so during that time of the year. Whether it was at the Christmas markets or at the shops, as soon as the softest sound of music could be heard anywhere, Poe would strain his ears hoping against hope to hear that comforting familiar tune just one more time.

Now and then he would hum the melody to himself, especially in those moments when he missed his Mom even worse than usual.

More than once he found himself sliding into a panic when he seemed to stumble over parts of the melody or he needed a little longer to remember some of the words. Every time that happened, he feared another piece of the memory of his Mom might slip away.

One night, after waking up in cold sweat again, he frantically scribbled down the lyrics onto the next best sheet of paper he could find as if they might be lost forever if he didn’t write them down this instant. After taking a few moments to catch his breath, he carefully folded the sheet and placed it into the little wooden box in his nightstand, which held the napkin bundle and the record sleeve.

Over the years, there were a few people that he tried to confide in but his attempts always ended up with him being made fun of. So he gave up those attempts too, burying his feelings deep under the growing pile of pain and ache and longing. They were obviously too silly to share them with anyone.

Not to you, though.

When Poe and you were about to spend your first Christmas together, it had been several years since he had bothered to put up any proper Christmas decorations at all. So when you asked him excitedly whether you could put them up together, he really did it more for you than for him.

Though he couldn’t deny that your enthusiasm was more than a little contagious. You turned the whole thing into a proper little event with Christmassy snacks and hot cocoa and festive music. After a while he found your joy so infectious that it made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Feelings that he hadn’t associated with Christmas for a long, long time.

He even sent both of you into a fit of giggles and laughter after somehow managing to completely wrap himself in tinsel rather than the Christmas tree.

And then you threw him completely off balance with one seemingly innocent little question: “So what’s your favourite Christmas tradition?”

Before he could tumble off the chair he was standing on, however, his instincts kicked in, making him fall back onto his standard go to answer: Chocolate glazed koyo berries. “My father had this really amazing way of turning them into the most delicious…” he began.

But it just felt wrong. Of course he loved his father’s chocolate koyo berries, he actually used to love them a lot. But there was something else. As he looked into your warm and loving eyes, something long forgotten tried to force its way up from the deepest pits of his heart. And try as he might, it refused to be pushed back down again this time.

Determined to keep it together, he turned away from you, biting his lips until they hurt. He was not going to cry. He was not going to ruin everything again.

“Poe? Hey… sweetie, your hands are shaking…”

Squeezing his eyes shut with enough force to give him a headache, he could hear the confusion in your voice turning into worry.

“Oh Poe, I am sorry, I should have known that this might bring back painful memories, I really shouldn’t have asked, I am so sorry…”

Trying to stifle the wave of sobs demanding to be let out, he shook his head vigorously, still refusing to look at you.

“No no no, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just… it’s silly!” he choked up.

You paused for a moment before saying gently, “It doesn’t look like it’s silly to you?”

He didn’t resist when you took his trembling hands in yours and helped him to climb down from the chair. Not letting go, you carefully held them steady in your hands, drawing soothing circles on them with your thumbs, as Poe kept staring at the floor.

“You don’t have to tell me now, if it’s too much,” you tried to reassure him.

“No, I want to, I just…” Grunting in frustration, he broke away and began to rub at his eyes with the palms of his hands with increasing force as if the motion would somehow be able to rub those pesky and unwelcome feelings away.

Carefully taking his hands into yours once more, you slowly led them away from his eyes. As you cupped his face with your hands, tenderly caressing over his temples with your thumbs, he finally looked at you, revealing his sore eyes glistening with tears and all the pain and grief that lay beneath.

It broke your heart.

You hesitated, as you had to fight your own tears welling up inside of you now before asking softly, “Is this about your Mom?”

Poe nodded ever so slightly.

Your voice turned even softer. “Does it have anything to do with the little box you keep in your night stand?”

Of course you had seen the way that he looked at that box. You had seen how he would rest his hand on that box, how his expression would turn from soft to pained and to soft again. Now and then he had even seemed to be humming a soft little melody while gently caressing over the lid of the box. Yet despite all of your questions, it had never felt right to ask him about it before he was ready to open up to you.

Closing his eyes again, Poe took a few shaky breaths. Letting his fingers wander up your arms, until they came to rest on your hands still holding his face, he tried to ground himself, focussing his attention on you. Your kindness, your gentleness, your warmth.

“Do you really want to know?” he finally managed to ask before his voice broke again.

“I do,” you said gingerly. “Of course I do. But… I wouldn’t want you to feel like you’d have to tell me anything that you aren’t ready to share yet.”

Nodding slowly, he furrowed his brow, deepening the pained expression on his face. An even more overwhelming wave of sadness radiated from his eyes, spreading over his already grief-stricken features. He tried to open and shut his mouth a few times before giving up and taking you by the hand to lead you into the bedroom.

You knelt down on the floor right next to him while he opened the drawer of his nightstand to remove the little wooden box and carefully opened the lid, revealing its contents to you. You saw the record sleeve and the lyric sheet and the napkin bundle tied together with the bowtie borrowed from Poe’s old childhood teddy Mr. Beebs.

Taking a deep breath, Poe took the bundle out of the box and placed it on the floor in front of you, unwrapping it ever so carefully.

He hadn’t opened it in decades. The moment that the napkin came undone around the broken pieces of the record, the tight layer of repressed feelings and ignored pain and buried grief wrapped around his heart fell away with it. Until there was nothing left to hold back the swelling flood of tears.

As soon as the first desperate sob ripped through his body so violently that it threatened to take his breath away, you were there. Catching him, holding him, comforting him, sheltering him.

And Poe cried like he had never cried before.

“It’s not fair! It’s not flipping fair, it’s not… she should be here… she should still be here… here with us…”

Everything seemed to bubble up to the surface at once. Pain and anger and confusion and helplessness.

“I wanted to hug him, I… I just really needed to hug him and… and I wanted to, but… but… but I was too small and… and… how could he just smash it?”

You were barely able to make any sense of all his memory fragments and turbulent emotions that were demanding attention all at once, but that wasn’t important right now.

“He came to apologize that night but I couldn’t… I couldn’t… I didn’t want him to see me cry and I… I… I should have…”

As you held him gently in your arms, he clung desperately to you, sobbing helplessly against your shoulder.

“I just… I… I failed them. Both…”

“Oh, Poe,” you whispered as you buried your face in his curls. And even though you knew that he wouldn’t be ready to believe you yet, you added gently but firmly, “You didn’t fail anybody!”

Smoothing some damp curls from his forehead, you pressed a tender kiss to the top of his head, when a new wave of tears began to stream down his face. Hot and desperate tears that had never been given a chance to dry, burning in his heart during all those years.

And now you were kissing them away. Softly. Every single one of them, even tough they were replaced by fresh ones immediately. Until sheer exhaustion made him collapse into your embrace.

As you cradled the back of his head, steadying him against your chest, rocking him gently back and forth, you knew that it wasn’t just your boyfriend crying in your arms. You held the wounded little boy, who couldn’t understand. Who blamed himself without even knowing what he had done wrong. Who hurt so deeply and yet would rather take care of everybody else around him before tending to his own wounds.

“I am here for you, Poe,” you cooed gently, hugging him tight. “I love you!”

And for the first time in decades, it felt like a few of the million shattered pieces of his heart were beginning to heal.

Unbeknownst to Poe, you made it your year’s goal to find the song for him.

The fact that Poe hadn’t been able to find it in all those years despite all his efforts, not even in the endless vastness of the internet, didn’t deter you in the slightest. Or so you thought. At least for the first eleven months of the year.

By the time December came around again, you were so close to admitting defeat that Poe began to worry about what brought you so low, even fearing that he might have been the one dampening your mood with his lack of Christmas spirit.

So, in an attempt to make up for that, he suggested taking you to the annual charity Christmas bazaar at your local school, hoping that a little Christmassy shopping spree for charity and the sparkly atmosphere of the Christmas lights might cheer you up again.

You tried not to get your hopes up, you really did. But the moment that Poe popped off to the restrooms and you found yourself stranded in front of a stall with several boxes of old forty-fives, you had to start browsing, of course.

Sorting swiftly through the records, you had gone through at least fifty of them, when your brain gave you a little jolt. You stopped. Going backwards very slowly, you looked at each of them again until you got back to the forty-second one. You carefully removed the record from the box. You read the title on the sleeve. You stared at it in disbelief. And you read it again. You shook your head. You read the title a third time. And despite your best attempts to stay calm, you couldn’t stop yourself from letting out a little scream that made the elderly gentleman behind the display ask in concern whether you were all right. It took every ounce of self restraint you could muster to keep yourself from throwing your arms around him and hug him until he turned blue. In the end, you hugged him anyway.

After handing the stall owner enough money to prompt him to ask you again whether you were all right, you hid the record in your bag and quickly hurried past the next few stalls, hoping not to give anything away.

You still weren’t able to keep the shine out of your eyes, though. Which Poe noticed immediately the minute that he caught up with you.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asked raising a confused eyebrow.

Letting out a happy sigh that you weren’t able to contain, you smiled, “I’m just really looking forward to Christmas!”

His gaze softened as he pulled you towards you, placing a tender kiss on top of your head. Gently rubbing your noses together, his smile grew wider until it painted crinkles around his eyes.

As he rested his forehead against yours, he whispered, “Me too!” And for the first time since what felt like forever, he actually meant it.

You spent the better part of the remainder of the run-up to Christmas trying to come up with the best possible plan to present the record to him. Should you simply hide it in a pile of other gifts in his stocking, should you make him close his eyes while you put the record on, should you wake him up with the music on Christmas Morning or maybe something completely different? In the end you decided that you would leave it up to Poe because the last thing you wanted was to overwhelm him in any way or even cause him more hurt.

When you found yourself cuddling with him on the couch on Christmas Eve, however, it became increasingly harder for you to remain patient until Christmas Morning.

Lying half atop on you, Poe had completely melted into your embrace, burying his face in the crook of your neck, while you played with his hair. The ease and trust with which he relaxed in your arms melted your heart. You were just about to turn your head and place a gentle kiss to his temple, when he lifted his head.

“Are you okay, bups?” He asked, raising a worried eyebrow at you.

“Hmmm?” you mumbled a little absentmindedly. “Sure, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re as tense as a loaded spring about to go off. And I mean that in a very non-euphemistic, sfw way. Although…” he wriggled his eyebrows, looking way too cute with his tousled hair curling itself into every possible direction, “I wouldn’t mind adding some ‘n’ into the mix a little later…”

You couldn’t help breaking into giggles, which made Poe grin in return. “That’s better,” he smiled, placing a sweet little kiss to your forehead before furrowing his brow again. “Wanna tell me why you are so nervous?”

You really hadn’t intended to spoil this peaceful moment but you also knew that Poe wouldn’t stop worrying until he knew what was up. With a heavy sigh, you reluctantly tried to wriggle yourself free from underneath Poe to sit up, drawing some grunts of protest and a pout from him.

“I have a little surprise for you.”

Humming in a slightly more relaxed tone, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you towards him again.

“And can we stay on the couch for that or do we have to transfer to the bedroom?”

You snorted, “I’ve clearly given you the wrong idea now.”

With another smile, you brushed a few stray curls from his forehead and left a soft kiss in their place.

“You can stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Getting up to fetch your little present from the hiding place in the bedroom, you swiftly returned and set down next to Poe before giving it to him.

It took a few moments for Poe to realize what he was holding in his hands. As they began to tremble, he couldn’t help but keep staring at the record.

“How… where did you…” he whispered.

You gently laid your hands on his before explaining softly, “Actually… you kind of led me to it yourself when you took me to the Christmas bazaar three weeks ago.”

He let out a small shaky laugh that turned into a soft sob.

You immediately began to rub his back in soothing circles, leaving tender kisses all over the side of his face until he began to lean into you.

“Would you like me to play it?” you asked him gently.

He slowly peeled his gaze away from the record to look at you. As his big brown puppy dog eyes began to sparkle, he slowly nodded as if in a daze. He had gotten so used to hearing the song only in his memory, had both dreaded and hoped for this moment over and over again. As you put the record on and the song began to float across the room, it felt too surreal for him to grasp.

The music sounded even softer than you had imagined it. And so much more comforting than Poe remembered.

It sounded like the warmth of his Mom’s hand caressing his face and his parents’ laughter and tickle fights and the smell of his Mom’s baking and Kes scooping him up to carry him on his shoulders and morning cuddles and running towards his parents’ embrace. Both of them holding out their hands for him.

Just like you did now.

“Dance with me?” you asked him softly. Warm and open and welcoming while still giving him all the room that he might need.

Poe’s tears fell more slowly this time. As you laid your arms around him, pulling him towards you, swaying both of you to the soft rhythm of the music, he didn’t fight the soft and shaky sobs that turned another layer of destructive pain and grief into hopeful feelings of comfort and familiarity and home.

His head found his place leaning on your shoulder as your cheek came to rest against his. You held him gently and at the same time so close that there seemed to be no room left for anything that might hurt him. And yet your embrace was so soft that he knew he could trust you with his wounded bare heart in your hands.

As he wept in your arms, you kept caressing over his curls, leaving a trail of soft kisses along his hairline until his tears began to mix with your own. The moment Poe noticed the wet streaks running down your face, his eyes widened in alarm and he quickly reached up to wipe your tears away. But you gently laid your hands on his and shook your head with a sparkly-eyed smile.

“Don’t worry about those, Poe. Not all tears are bad.”

And Poe’s eyes that had been sparkling with tears of pain and sorrow slowly began to sparkle with something else.

It might not have been quite what he had imagined the first time to be like. Dancing to his parents’ song in the light of the Christmas tree with his own special someone.

Yet as his sobs subsided to the gentle rhythm of your soft kisses to his face and your hands tenderly smoothing over his hair, right now in this moment, he felt like the luckiest person in the universe.

Except for one thing.

When he let out an involuntary sigh, you pressed one more kiss to the top of his head before asking, “Why don’t you call him? Ask him to come over for Christmas?”

“Who?” Poe raised his head in mild confusion.

“Your father?” you smiled.

“How did…” Trailing off and letting out another sigh, Poe began to shake his head. “Me and my father stopped doing Christmas years ago. I don’t even have his number.”

“Well, funny thing…”

As Poe began to raise his eyebrows, you allowed yourself to break into a mischievous little grin, making him smile through his tears.

“I spoke to Auntie Leia the other day, and…” you began.

“…she had his number and gave it to you?” Poe finished your sentence in only mild disbelief.

“Of course she did,” you nodded and smiled again. “I don’t know how but it’s like she knew.”

Poe shook his head, unable to suppress a soft giggle. “She always does.”

You hesitated a little before you asked him, “Did you know that your father keeps asking after you whenever he meets her?”

Sobering up immediately, Poe lowered his gaze to the ground, furrowing his brow. “No, I… I didn’t…”

“Hey…” Cupping his face and gently guiding him to look at you again, you asked, “I can call him for you if you don’t feel up to it?” Your eyes softened before you added, “And no, Poe… I don’t think that would be ‘silly’.”

Poe let out a shaky breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. “Could you do that for me…?”

So you did. And less than an hour later, Kes was standing at your door. His knock was so soft and cautious that you would have missed it, had you not been on your way to the kitchen at exactly that moment.

He was shivering from the cold as it looked like he hadn’t even bothered to take the time and find appropriate clothes for the freezing temperatures outside. Yet when you had introduced yourself and motioned quickly for him to come in and step into the warmth, he hesitated.

“Are you really sure that Poe wants to see me?” he asked full of doubt.

You gave him a reassuring smile. “Yes he does. Of course he does! We just didn’t expect you to be here so early.”

“Oh… if you want me to come back later…”

“No, no, please… come in! You must be freezing.”

As Kes stepped into the light of your flat, you could see the clear remnants of tears on his face that had been hastily wiped away. And your heart broke for him just as it had for his son.

Poe had spent the last half hour bent over your record player, carefully removing remnants of dust from the needle and the grooves of the record. Deeply focused on his work, he gave a little start when you entered the living room, announcing brightly, “Look who is here, sweetie.”

“Hello, Poe!”

Turning around, Poe let out a soft, “Hey…” before clearing his throat and saying more firmly, “I am glad that you came.”

“Really?!”

His father’s reaction threw him off for a few moments. Was he really so utterly convinced that Poe wouldn’t want to see him?

Kes had to swallow a few times as he began to fumble nervously with the handle of the bag he had brought with him.

“Oh… these are for you!” he finally said, producing a huge bag of chocolate koyo berries.

Poe gasped in surprise. “But… these take days to make, how did you…?”

The smile that spread across Kes’ face somehow made him look even sadder. “I still make them every year, just in case you might... Never mind, you probably don’t even like them anymore, I just thought…”

Taking a step towards Kes, Poe reassured him, “No, no, of course I still love them, that’s really thoughtful of you… Dad!”

For a brief moment, Poe’s gaze flickered over to you and you started the record player. It took only a few notes for Kes to recognize the melody and his eyes widened, displaying a myriad of emotions.

“I… I’ve been searching everywhere,” he whispered. “I thought that maybe if I could find it, if I could just… you might…” Kes’ voice broke and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to gain his composure.

When he opened them again, his son was standing right in front of him, offering his hand to his Dad. The look in his eyes was neither angry nor reproachful, but open and warm and encouraging with maybe a slightly pleading undertone. And it hit him full force just how much Poe reminded him of Shara in that moment.

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Kes let out a half-stifled shaky sob as his eyes began to glisten with tears. Taking a careful step towards his son, he took Poe’s hand into both of his. Placing the softest of kisses on his son’s hand, he gently held it against his chest right above his heart.

“Oh, Poey,” he whispered. “I am so... I am so…”

The moment his voice faltered again, Poe pulled his Dad into a hug. This drew a surprised little gasp from Kes before he threw his arms around his son, holding him closer than he had ever held him before. Like he was never going to let him go again. He knew that he might not be able to make up for lost time. But he could show Poe how much he meant to him right here and right now. Between violent sobs and desperate kisses to his temple and his cheek, Kes pulled his son close over and over again.

“Me, too!” Poe whispered through his own tears. “It’s okay, Dad… I love you!”

Maybe okay wasn’t exactly the right word. Maybe it was never really gonna be okay again. But as they both clung to each other, it certainly felt more okay than it had in a very long time. Maybe this could be the beginning of creating their new okay.

As his Dad’s desperate kisses slowly turned softer, he pulled back just enough to be able to gently cup his son’s face in his hands. “I love you, too, Poe. So so so damn much!”

You were just about to sneak out of the door to give them some room when Poe softly called out to you, “Hey… c’mere!”

They both invited you to join them with open arms. There may have been some feet casualties before the three of you found your rhythm but those were easily laughed away.

Christmas Eve turned into Christmas Day and Poe was still dancing. Safe and snug in a hug sandwich between the two people that he loved more than anything else in this world and who loved him just as much in return.

As Poe’s face once again found his familiar place in the crook of your neck, he mumbled, “I wish my Mom could have met you. I really wish that she could have been here with us just one more time.”

“I think she is, Poe!”

Instead of an answer, he let out a little sob against your shoulder, hugging both you and his Dad a little tighter, as Kes gently ruffled his hair.

And when Poe looked up again and his gaze came to rest on the star at the top of the Christmas tree, he could have sworn that it shone brighter than he could ever remember.

Sometimes life may cause you wounds that seem to hurt so deeply that all the time in the universe wouldn’t be able to heal them.

And sometimes… sometimes all you need to make the pain a little more bearable is someone to take your hand, hold you gently, kiss you softly and tell you that they love you.

Thank you for reading 💜

#poe dameron #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron x gn!reader #poe x reader #poe dameron fanfiction #star wars #fanfiction #reader insert #oscar isaac #kes dameron #shara bey #chrissie tries to write

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weirdly-specific-but-ok · 4 months

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star wars but I've never watched it

I'm flirting with death (the star wars fandom) and it's about to succumb. I mean, be seduced. I promise when I flirt the intended result is not succumbing (usually). Here, have this, I know you maggots have missed my summaries they're so comprehensive and well-researched. Two cups of black coffee down. LET'S GO, MAGGOTS.

It is not Star Trek, and if I mix them up, both fandoms will tear me limb from limb, but mainly Star Trek because they're less popular?

No, that was not intended to be inflammatory, it's just what I was warned when I first got kidnapped. Don't blame the student, blame the system.

LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER.

Except that's actually a misquote, it's No, I am your father. Mad trivia game. Huge star wars fan, me (why do I sound like Crowley).

It's set in outer space.

Are daleks stormtroopers?

Yoda pulls sentences in half like Crowley pulls Aziraphale's legs apart while they're not talking, and then tries interesting positions.

Leia has space-buns and makes out with Luke.

Luke is Leia's brother.

Anakin, whom I thought was some sexy babygirl side character, is apparently Darth Vader.

I am certain some people still find him a sexy babygirl. I just hope if he has a sister, she doesn't.

Is incest hereditary? Besides the obvious, I mean.

Small and green, Yoda is.

Daleks or not, there are storm-troopers, and they wear white plastic but not in a kinky way. Mostly. I remember one video a maggot showed me of a dustbin and--anyway.

They have bad aim.

There is a Death Star, and there is also a Death Star in Star Trek, but this is the more obvious one.

It has machinery specially engineered so if you shoot at that one place, the entire spaceship explodes or shuts down, which is a convenient feature.

A baby Yoda, they made. To make merchandise in time, Disney failed. Money, they lost.

There's something called the Force which everyone irl uses to try and get their remote to fly to them while sitting on the couch watching TV. They squint and reach out their hand while doing this. It rarely works.

There are a lot of unnecessary sequels and prequels. People are not happy.

A lot of Star Wars has inspiration drawn from ancient Indian philosophy and Hindu mythology. Just fun trivia, since I'm such a huge Star Wars fan.

Chewbacca?

R2D2? Robot go beep beep.

Han Solo and Leia get together.

Who is Han Solo? The guy who witnessed Leia making out with her brother. Whatever gets you off, king.

Dead, Yoda might be. Not sure, I am.

Rogue 1?

Return of the... Empire? No, wait, Jedi.

Empire Strikes Back!

Jedi exist. Because uh, it was in the title. They'd better exist.

Luke's daddy cuts off his hand. Not in a sexual way. But you never know with this family.

End (Not. Disney is going to milk this cash cow till they run out of ideas because of underpaid writers, and then they'll do a remake, probably).

Welcome, you are. Comprehensive, all-inclusive, this summary is.

#good omens mascot #asmi #star wars #good omens #<- got to love the brainrot #it even sneaks into my other fandom posts #maggots #empire strikes back #han solo #luke skywalker #yoda #weirdly specific but ok #rogue one #star wars summary #return of the jedi #sw fandom #star wars fandom

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not-so-mundane-after-all · 2 months

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Listen

I'll tell you how it's possibly going to end (because I've seen enough catastrophising and worst case scenario thoughts on here to last me a lifetime)

Dee Bradley Baker teased that the ending is "bittersweet", didn't he? And that the way the epilogue plays out is "affecting and beautiful". That "the emotions that are in play are real, human emotions, not just one of being a family member or a friend, but also of being a father, a father to a daughter."

Bittersweet means not everything is good but not everything is bad either. Which means that the finale doesn't have to end in only tragedy. Yes, there will be hurt, we might lose someone. But the end might actually be full of hope.

And isn't Star Wars all about hope?

They're going to bring it full circle. In episode 2 of season 1 - the very beginning of the show - the Batch visits Cut and Suu and the whole episode is essentially about them teaching Hunter how to be a parent and forcing him to look at his new responsibility from a different angle. They recognize his paternal instincts immediately, they see how he is with Omega and give him a lot of advice, saying things that stay with Hunter for the entirety of the show moving forward and affect his choices and reasoning. Cut is the one who makes Hunter realize that he has to do what's best for the kid. Cut is the one who gives him the idea of leaving the soldier life behind and finding, and I quote, "a remote piece of land on a distant planet." Like Pabu! Suu warns him that kids have a tendency to find trouble. They tell him he has no idea what he's in for but they also show him how to do it right.

Hunter's only priority since then has been keeping Omega safe and away from the war, away from the Empire, settling down and giving her the normal life she deserves. A thought instilled in him by Cut, who did the exact same thing - left the war behind, settled down and put his family first. It became Hunter's sole purpose, his main character arc, becoming a father and embracing the role is pretty much all he is about.

The finale will remind us of that.

Now, we won't avoid tragedy. That's granted at this point. There will be death, there will heartbreak. Nothing will ever be the same again. But every end is a new beginning.

Maybe we'll lose Crosshair, Maybe we'll lose Wrecker. Maybe both, hopefully neither. But no matter the final outcome, the very end is going to be about Hunter and Omega. The hunt for her will be over, the target on her back might be gone but they can't go back to Pabu, they won't risk it. So Rex and Echo track down Cut. Find him on a remote piece of land on distant planet, just like he said. And they arrange everything.

I can see them landing. Hunter stepping out in civil clothes, with a bag over his shoulder. He shakes hands with Cut, Omega runs to hug the kids. The atmosphere is sad and melancholic but everyone knows it's for the best.

Maybe they move to a house next door, maybe they live nearby. Hunter puts Omega to bed, lets Batcher lay down at her feet. He sits by her side until she's asleep and then steps out onto the porch where Cut is already waiting. They share a drink and a conversation, calling back to everything they've been talking about in 1x02 and how Hunter's view of things has changed since then. Now he understands his role in Omega's life. Understands the sacrifices he had to make and knows with full certainty he would make them again.

We haven't seen or heard about Cut since his episode, so a whole show ago. To bring him back in the finale and tie it all together? End it like that, in a full circle moment? It would be perfect.

And it fits to what Dee was saying, because this kind of ending is affecting, is beautiful, and most of all, it is bittersweet. Because at last Hunter gets his wish. He gets to raise Omega away from the war, give her a normal life and a happy childhood - but at the cost of losing everything else.

This might just be wishful thinking but I really hope this is where we're headed.

#the bad batch #star wars #star wars the bad batch #bad batch #the bad batch season 3 #tbb #tbb season 3 #hunter and omega #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb crosshair #tbb wrecker #tbb echo

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imabeautifulbutterfly · 3 months

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Ok my friend Imma gonna hit you up for some more 😜 Fic Roulette!!!

1. 6 and 16

2. 10 and 39!

Hehehe, I'm almost afraid to ask but yes, Hunter 😂

You did marvelous on the last ones! Can't wait to see what you'll do with these!!!

Ohhhh sweet @dragonrider9905 You thought you could stump me huh? Well you almost did. LOL. Just kidding.

I hope you enjoy both stories. This is 6 and 16.

Love oo,

Not Your Fault

Warnings: Feelings of guilt, mentions of death, fluff, grief, sadness, I think that's it. If I miss anything please let me know.

Main Master List | Star Wars Fic Roulette

Omega laughed as you tried to do a fishtail braid, “Sorry, hun, I’m doing my best here, but it’s coming out a little …” you scrunch your face as you look at your handiwork, “Let’s just say if this was a real fish’s tail, this fish would be dead. Do you mind if I start over?”

“No. Go ahead.” She answered with patience and love, just happy to spend time with you.

“Alright.”

So you set to remake the fishtail, yet, no matter how hard you tried, the tails didn’t look even or how Omega wanted them, and she couldn’t stop laughing, “Omega,” you laughed unable to hold back, “I’m trying to fix your hair, so hold still.”

It was about another hour when you had finally managed to get the tails to look like tails and to make them even enough they wouldn’t embarrass her, make her look odd or like a crazy person. She ran around telling her brothers about her fishtails and showing them off.

You chuckled to yourself, slowly following her footsteps. However, you stopped midstep, your eyes focusing on Hunter sitting in his patio chair looking out over the water. There was a near blank expression on his face, yet his eyes held all his emotions. It broke your heart seeing him so … lost? Guilt-ridden? Maybe it was just overwhelming grief.

After all, it hadn’t been long since Omega and Crosshair came back. Frankly, you were happy to have them back, especially after losing Tech. Everyone on Pabu felt his loss, and getting to know Crosshair had been challenging at first, yet Hunter somehow took on the responsibility of making sure Crosshair got along with everyone.

As each day progressed, the emotions in Hunter’s eyes were slowly becoming more and more overwhelming. It wasn’t hard to see he was still learning how to move on without Tech. How to live his life without his brother.

You’ve suffered more than your fair share of losses, and you knew how difficult it was to just start living again. To start putting yourself back together without having that support you relied on so heavily. If anything, Hunter needed a friend first and foremost right now.

Not wanting to disrupt his peace too much, you did what you could as you quietly walked over and sat beside him.

Hunter didn’t flinch or react as you took your seat, he knew you were there, but he’d rather focus on the horizon, at the moment.

It was almost half an hour later, when you finally spoke up, “You okay? Caught you staring off into space again.”

His face turned to look at you, doing his best to give you a smile, even if it was half hearted.

“I’m fine.”

It had been his go-to response lately. Everything was either ‘I’m fine,’ ‘I’m okay,’ or ‘I’m just tired.’ Honestly, you had to keep reminding yourself not to get upset with him, he and his family had been through a lot. More than most families and it didn’t help if all you were going to do was nag him.

So you did what needed to be done. Find a way to get him talking. Whether you two would still remain friends after this conversation, was yet to be seen. But he needed this, whether he admitted it or not.

“It’s not your fault you know,” you rested your clasped hands on the table as you looked at him.

“What’s not?”

“Losing Tech, Omega getting captured or even Crosshair choosing to stay with Empire for as long as he did before leaving them.”

He let out a vexed noise, “It is.”

“It’s not.” You told him emphatically.

“You weren’t there.”

His eyes narrowed as you talked about the unspoken topic that was never to be mentioned between the two of you. He knew you cared, it was evident by how you took care of them. Ever since they moved into the house beside yours, you were quick to offer any assistance. Helping Omega, cooking dinner, even giving a listening ear to whoever needed it and keeping what you had learned to yourself.

However, he didn’t want you to be tainted with his failures. He wanted you to remain separate.

“You’re right.” You nodded, as your eyes focused on the sunset, “I wasn’t there, but you know who was?” I turned to look at him and smiled, “Wrecker, Omega, Echo and Tech. I’ve spoken with Wrecker, Omega and Echo, and each one of them said Tech made a choice. It was a difficult situation and it was either he delayed the inevitable and you all got captured or killed, or … he’d make the ultimate sacrifice to ensure his family survived.”

You reached over and took Hunter’s hand in yours, “Considering who Tech … was, do you think he would’ve been happy knowing you would’ve been captured because of him?”

He shook his head, as he let out a choked laugh, “No. No, he would’ve made us go over the scenario a thousand times to make sure we never let that happen again, and then he would’ve come up with a plan to enforce that.”

“And would he have blamed you for going to the outpost you went just to find information on Crosshair?”

“No. He … he was the first one to suggest it.”

You nodded, tightening your hold on his hand, “Then would it be right to say it was your fault? I mean Tech made the ultimate sacrifice for his family, that’s commendible and honourable. Don’t cheapen his sacrifice with your guilt.”

Hunter let out a long sigh as his free hand ran down his face, “If only it were that easy.”

“I know, it’s easy for someone like me … an outsider … to look in and tell you what you need to do; but as the person who lived it,” you smiled as you looked at him, “… you can just tell me to shut up and just hold your hand.”

A small smile of understanding appeared on your face as you offered it to Hunter.

“I’d never tell you to shut up.”

“Maybe I haven’t irritated you enough, yet.” You looked into his eyes letting him know you were there, as you squeezed his hand, “Hunter, nothing that happened was your fault. Omega getting captured was as Echo put it ‘an overwhelming amount of force.’ Crosshair choosing to join the Empire was no more your fault, than him choosing to leave the Empire.” You reached over brushing his hair back and tucking it behind his ear, as you cupped his cheek. “You can’t take on people’s choices or circumstances beyond your control, simply because you’re a Sergeant, or were a Sergeant. Life gives you no karking choice but to play the cards you’re dealt, and I for one, am glad you guys found your way into my life.”

He leaned into your hand holding it against his cheek, “Your friendship means more to me than you know.”

You smiled as you looked into his eyes, “I know. Your friendship means a lot too. Just … promise me, you’ll talk to me when you’re letting your emotions overwhelm you. If not me, at least someone. Please?”

“Alright, mesh’la. I promise.”

Hunter’s smile grew as he kept looking at you, even as you pulled your hand away. He’d been holding off on telling you how he felt for so long. However, he couldn’t hold back anymore, he was going to tell you.

“You know, one of these days, you’re going to have to tell me what mesh-a-la means.”

“I will,” he leaned forward, keeping your hand in his, “I promise.”

Main Master List | Star Wars Fic Roulette

Tag list:

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