#I'm seeking pain
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I was in the shower when my brain did this thing: it got inspiration.
So I'm asking you, did someone invented lyrics about those two idiots in love on this song?
youtube
Because I thought about it and - man, I never wrote a single fucking song in my life, I don't even know where to start, but - I might do it.
I don't have any clue about what the lyrics might be, like at all, and if I think about it while listening to the song I might cry myself to death.
Please tell me someone did it already so I won't have to and also I want to listen to it if it exists.
(Sorry for the gif with desperate!Dean)
#destiel#deancas#castiel#dean winchester#you changed me dean#castiel theme song#dean theme song#beautifully mixed into a destiel theme song#another random place and time for inspiration to strike#I think I discovered a pattern#like inspiration always comes when I have nothing to write on#does it do the same for you?#I'm curious#months ago I had never written stories in english willingly#so why not write songs now#anyway#I'm seeking pain#apparently#my personal experience with destiel
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Low level/continuous pain tips for writing
Want to avoid the action movie effect and make your character's injuries have realistic lasting impacts? Have a sick character you're using as hurt/comfort fodder? Everyone has tips for how to write Dramatic Intense Agony, but the smaller human details of lasting or low-level discomfort are rarely written in. Here are a few pain mannerisms I like to use as reference:
General
Continuously gritted teeth (may cause headaches or additional jaw pain over time)
Irritability, increased sensitivity to lights, sounds, etc
Repetitive movements (fidgeting, unable to sit still, slight rocking or other habitual movement to self-soothe)
Soft groaning or whimpering, when pain increases or when others aren't around
Heavier breathing, panting, may be deeper or shallower than normal
Moving less quickly, resistant to unnecessary movement
Itching in the case of healing wounds
Subconsciously hunching around the pain (eg. slumped shoulders or bad posture for gut pain)
Using a hand to steady themself when walking past walls, counters, etc (also applies to illness)
Narration-wise: may not notice the pain was there until it's gone because they got so used to it, or may not realize how bad it was until it gets better
May stop mentioning it outright to other people unless they specifically ask or the pain increases
Limb pain
Subtly leaning on surfaces whenever possible to take weight off foot/leg pain
Rubbing sore spots while thinking or resting
Wincing and switching to using other limb frequently (new/forgettable pain) or developed habit of using non dominant limb for tasks (constant/long term pain)
Propping leg up when sitting to reduce inflammation
Holding arm closer to body/moving it less
Moving differently to avoid bending joints (eg. bending at the waist instead of the knees to pick something up)
Nausea/fever/non-pain discomfort
Many of the same things as above (groaning, leaning, differences in movement)
May avoid sudden movements or turning head for nausea
Urge to press up against cold surfaces for fever
Glazed eyes, fixed stare, may take longer to process words or get their attention
Shivering, shaking, loss of fine motor control
If you have any more details that you personally use to bring characters to life in these situations, I'd love to hear them! I'm always looking for ways to make my guys suffer more write people with more realism :)
#voidrambles#writing#whump#does this count as that? whatever those folks will probably enjoy it at any rate#this is honestly mostly for my own reference but i hope it can maybe help some other people too :)#I'm so pulled in by books that write pain in a human and detailed way and not just when it's dramatic or intense#would love to see more of that and incorporate it into my own writing#oh i should have added. distraction seeking to that list#like writing a really long post about.#...yes i may be chronically ill and having a flare today and yes i may be farming myself for writing tips for Future Me hdgfhfhsjs#but hey gotta do your research somewhere babeyyy it all goes in the creativity soup#tw injury#tw illness
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moral of AoT: don't give a mentally ill teenager the ability to destroy the world (he will do it)
#aot#eren jaeger#eren yeager#snk#projecting but#constantly seeking some freedom beyond the limits of your perception is so fucking real#when nothing feels real it's hard to care about pain#I'm glad I no longer feel like that#but it was with me for so long it feels ingrained in my essence#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#attack on titan the final season#armin arlert#mikasa ackerman#ema#eremin#eren#armin#mikasa
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People who sell handspun yarn, how do you manage it when the profit margins are so razor thin?
I'm unable to work and money is tight so I've been considering how I can contribute financially and attempt to save up for the future but boy, things look lean.
If you sell your handspun, I'd love to hear from you either in my DMs or the replies/reblogs/tags because I have to make this work somehow...
#we are a one income household and have next to nothing in savings#chronic pain stops me from being useful in a traditional work enviroment and anxiety is a bitch#I just need to make number go up in some capacity and would really appreciate some guidance#where does one buy commercially dyed combed top from in Canada?#I'm not confident enough yet to dye wool myself without felting it#handspinning#craftblr#wool#yarn#fibre#please reblog#looking for advice#knowledge seeking#chronic pain
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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?
Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.
Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.
With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.
So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.
#one piece#sanuso#zosopp#long post#nemotime#does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep#bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh#listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole#'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help#when they need it#the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing#sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow#also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities#not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao#the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows#there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with#each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are#also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way#maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe
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Playing Baldur's Gate 3 was the worst best decision of my life I have literally not been able to do anything else since starting it. I don't think I felt this much genuine enjoyment playing something since I was like 16 it's so fucking good
#it wasn't even rly on my radar until a few weeks before release and now it's consumed my life#anyways Astarion is my babygirl please pretend to be surprised#everything about his story and personality feels so catared towards me specifically it's insane#emotionally stunted men who seek power and are cruel to others because cruelty is the only thing they've ever known themselves >>>#romancing him as a goody two shoes is a bit of a pain but he's at high approval despite cringing at me occasionally so I'm doing ok i think#meanwhile Gale can't go 10 minutes without mentioning how much he wants to bang me#bg3#baldur's gate 3#solar rambles
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All right! It's a new year and I'm going to start it with an account name change!
mind-empty-heart-full is now innerslumber.
Hopefully this won't be too confusing for the friends! I am also changing my other social media accounts including my AO3 to this new name. Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience!
#switching gears from wanting a mind empty of all the pain and filling my heart with joy to seeking inner rest and peace#i still want to let go of the pain and fill my life with happiness but I'm also realizing that it's okay to take it slow#the journey is long and it's okay if i can't sprint through it#name change#blog change#innerslumber
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I'm so fucking jealous of people who never had any headaches or migraines. And they will never understand what I'm going through.
#人的悲喜并不相通#I've met people like that who think I'm 'exaggerating' the effects or that I'm being 'dramatic' or 'seeking attention'#like fuck you man.#why the fuck would I fake being in pain when the absence of random pain would allow me to do so many more things#jfc#:)#I never wanted to live like I'm a fragile thing but I have to
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sorry but the lyrics "راح اغطس كبدي بالجن بإسم الآب و الإبن" go so fucking hard and christians who got mad at it are cowards with absolutely no taste
#absolutely weird to see it as a 'dig' at xtians when a great deal of the band members are armenian and maronite!#likening hedonism and revelry to religion has been a keystone in art and it's NEVER been to say 'religion is bad'#it's to say 'revelry is good and powerful and sometimes dangerous to lose yourself entirely to'#this line in particular... inebriation to the point of REBIRTH is such a powerful metaphor#i'm sorry you're too weak to appreciate it!!#to say that to seek a reprieve from pain is to seek stepping away from your entire self#that you're almost entirely someone new once separated from your worries. do you understand the power in this!!!#mashrou' leila
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If you aren't automatically intrigued by the concept of a skeleton man with invisible skin that can melt whatever flesh it touches who used to speak entirely in rhyme for absolutely no reason and is now essentially a war criminal then there's no saving you. Here's a primer on the best character in comics. Bolded issues are personal favorites by virtue of them having peak Bones content. Feel free to ask for content warnings for any of these comics.
Infinity, Inc. vol. 1 (1984): #16-18, #26-29, #32, #35-36, #38, #40, #42, #50-53
Infinity, Inc Special (1987)
Chase (1998): #4, #8
JSA Secret Files (1999): #2
JSA vol. 1 (1999): #6, #21
JSA: All Stars (2003): #7
Manhunter vol. 3 (2004): #16-17, #20, #31-32
Batwoman vol. 2 (2011): #4-5, #13, #16-20, #24, Annual 1
Infinite Frontier (2021): #1-6
#mr. bones#director bones#reading list#comic rec#anyway if you don't appreciate mr bones seek help because he rules. end of story#it makes me >:( that i'm pretty sure chase is what made people decide to have him stop rhyming#when. uh. he rhymes in that. it's harder to pick up on. but he's rhyming.#g-d putting batwoman on here. Painful
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ok but how do you tell your friends you're very seriously sick without feeling like you're just saying it for attention? like i'm fr gonna be on my deathbed like "i can't tell anyone because they might think i'm annoying 😔" i feel like i never shut up about my stupid health and i'm just getting on everyone's nerves
#i vent about it here but that's about it#i don't think most people realize exactly how sick i am besides my partner and sister#but i want to tell my other friends ''hey i'm Not Doing Well'' and not feel like i'm being attention-seeking for it#it's so frustrating#i've been deliberately dancing around mentioning that i'm in the hospital and have most of my notifs turned off so i'm not tempted#to answer messages when the pain meds have me too talkative#ughhhh i hate this#medical //#ellie.txt
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The angels are basically frightened little children, but we never really seed an indeph look at them in comparison to the human children, such as Shinji or Asuka. There's...too much focus on the human side of things. Do you think so, too? Should this have been changed?
The series is viewed via a 'human' lens, seeing these creatures that don't look a thing like us as strange and unsettling. Despite this, Eva isn't strictly about the human condition. The occasional happiness and horror of realizing that the body has a will and that body is yours is universal. The series is about characters not just understanding themselves and their realities but understanding but that the initially foreign can be more like us than we think. Even then, this revelation sadly doesn't galvanize us into kindness for the other side. We hold the same fears of what comes next and desires to live. Familiarity is not your home, but ours. That's the sad state of boundaries, after all. An even sadder state is that history is written by its victors. More can and should be understood from the other side but it often isn't.
Empathy is seldom in history.
#neon genesis evangelion#shinji#asuka#nge#evangelion#correct me if i'm wrong#think of ppl you lock horns with and realizing you also share a LOT in common#you don't patch up or seek to understand each other further bc you're afraid of hurt#even if a little talk is all it takes to bridge the gap#you burn the bridge though it may burn you too and in your eyes that ok#bc it's by your hand and you know the pain is coming#when you bring that person back you don't have that luxury of knowing
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Crying Pathetically With Relief. my doc can't treat my autoimmune stuff without me seeing a rheum but she apparently Can treat my pain, she prescribed some short-term NSAIDs that are way more powerful than ibuprofen & usually offered for post-surgery interventions. i have not had surgery but my flares nowadays release comparable inflammation so. i didn't actually know that there are non-opioid non-steroid painkillers that work well for this. took the first one just a little bit ago so we'll see how much it helps 🤞🤞🤞
#oversharing mainly because ive made u all put up with like a thousand 'i am going to kill myself' posts over the past few days#i felt so Stupid telling my doc what bad shape i'm in bc i thought for sure she'd think i was drug-seeking or being dramatic#i was so confused and out of it in her office. deeply embarrassing#i actually am feeling some difference in my shoulders/hips already#in that i am Less Aware of them. hands are still stiff and the joints dont like moving but. Oh God It's Something#i dont need the pain to go away fully or nothin' i just need to Not Be Dying#autoimmune tag
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[ID: Five panels from Trigun Maximum. The first shows Milly and Meryl looking up at something, startled. The second shows Wolfwood hovering around a corner, peering out from behind it. The third shows a closer up image of Wolfwood peering around the corner, a serious look on his face as he says, "Booze? Him? First thing in the mornin'? Ya gotta be kiddin'..." The fourth panel shows Vash crouching on the ground, a really awkward face smile on his face as he looks down on his coat, which has been splashed with whisky from a broken bottle. He's sort of laughing, the speech bubbles saying "Ha... heh heh..." but he doesn't really look happy. The fifth panel is a close-up of Vash's face as he slurps some of the spilled whisky off of his glove. Despite being close up, his face is so heavily shaded that it's almost impossible to make anything out. His left eye is sort of visible, closed and curved as if he might be smiling, but that's really not the vibe. End ID.]
I know I yell a lot about Nightow ruining my health and happiness but Colourless Expression really is such an INTENSELY impactful character chapter about SUFFERING. These people drink a lot for fun (can't blame 'em, given where they live) but in the aftermath of remembering about July Vash is day drinking to cope--and his friends don't even know he's been drinking until now. FUCKING OUCH
#Trigun#alcoholism#btw I work in a rehab-adjacent service#and drinking alone isn't exactly a flag that you should seek help for alcoholism#but if you're drinking alone more often than you drink socially#or find yourself hiding your drinking from people who care about you#or even actively avoiding the company of others (including those you'd usually drink socially with)#in favour of drinking alone#plz reach out for help#the people who actually care about you don't want to be suffering alone#addiction does have genetic and chemical components but most of what our service provides is addressing the psychological addiction#finding the untreated mental health problem or physical pain or unaddressed trauma that a service user is self-medicating for#Though I don't know HOW we'd handle Vash's July trauma#I'm not one of the therapists but how do you even BEGIN with a guilt complex like that#You'd probably have to untangle his relationship with Knives first#And maybe some of Vash's own discomfort with/fear of his own nonhuman nature#I mean it hurts to see but can you blame the guy for drinking
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never thought i'd see people try to argue or analyse wriothesley's murder in regards to his personality. i think people are missing the point. the situation has nothing to do with him and has everything to do with an extremely traumatic environment that made a small boy think the only solution so save himself and the people he cared about was to take the life of his abusers. it's not supposed to be rational, it wasn't premeditated, it wasn't about getting away with it. if you read his description of the murder you can see how out of it he was. his goal was to protect himself and his siblings and that's what he did. that's why he admitted to the crime so easily and why he is keen to associate the fortress as a rebirth place. he was just young, lost and traumatised and that's about it when it comes to the extension of it all.
#people acting like they're disappointed because he's a 'manipulative' and cunning individual or because he's cold and that it doesn't match#the crime as if at that time he wasn't just a kid experiencing extreme distress and without a safe space to seek help#i also don't personally think he's manipulative at all. he isn't like ayato or yae miko. he has very strong values and he does everything#to abide to that. if that means ommiting information at some point to make the best out of a situation he will do so but he doesn't do#things for personal gain and as soon as he can be truthful he lays all the cards on the table#this reminds me of that ayaka situation where people tried to paint her as manipulative when all she did was ask the traveller to hear#people's stories so traveller could take their own conclusions about the situation in inazuma shsjsh#it's also the way wrio isn't even cold. he's serious and composed but goddamn if he didn't show how empathetic he is#also how lightweight his personality is during the archon quest...#at this point i'm just questioning myself if we're even playing the same game#wrio 'i believe in restorative justice rather than punishment' the slay#wrio 'there's a prophecy about a flood dooming the entire country so i'm taking matters into my own hands and building noah's ark to save#my people' the slay#wrio 'i have no reason to trust you but i will still offer you a cup of tea' the slay and people still try to pain him in an obscure light#he's not even that morally grey 😭 he's morally gray in the sense everyone is#wanting to stop people who hurt others isn't controversial or shouldn't be#also because we KNOW that's his last resource#his job is literally to give people a second chance the same way he took his except he actually wants to make life easier for others#than it was for him and people are so vocal about how grateful they are of him like???#he's such a good guy genuinely#and just because he's intelligent and usually composed doesn't mean he isn't emotional sensitive or even prone to being put in situations#where's he's forced to react a certain way because that's just human nature#he's literally just a silly guy with trauma and big responsabilities set him free from the shackles of mischaracterization please 😂#not that i'm better i'm a fool i may just be talking shit really#but seeing people act like the murder is somehow badly written or that he is dark and dangerous make me go ???#having the ability to do something doesn't define you as a person and i feel like judgement without context makes no sense#but maybe that's just me
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There are two paths before me.
One is overgrown, full of thorns and bristles and broken branches. The other is sunny and clear.
Surely, the first will lead to nothing but risk, danger, and pain, while the second will be a blissful, joyful walk.
But there's nothing for me on that clear path. No food, no life, no person out there besides myself. I know that the overgrown path can grant me all those things and more, if only it weren't such a wretched way to go.
So I spend some time on the clear path, walking forward until I can't take the loneliness and discontent anymore, and I turn back. But when I arrive where I started, the first path is still overgrown, worse still than before. Frustrated and feeling helpless, I start down the clear path again. When I decide to take care of myself and survive instead of starving to death on the barren trail, I turn back again. And again, the other is overgrown and terrifying.
I go back and forth, until I fall to my knees, crying and begging for someone, anyone, to help me. To remove the thorns and bristles and branches.
And then I realize, this entire time, I've been running from the pain. I've been waiting for the trail to clear up on its own, to grant me safe and easy passage.
It wasn't my fault I was never taught wilderness survival - I don't know how to make it through such an area, bandage the scrapes and wear functional gear and step over the branches. But I can learn, even if I'll experience some hurt along the way.
#i've been improving but#i decided to spend my time on things that matter instead of spending it on my appearance#i've been practicing doing that a lot#but it's still really hard sometimes. i feel so desperate to prove myself. to hide the autism and anything else they've ridiculed.#prove to them that i can. that that's ''not me''. trying to heal inherently means taking care of myself and investing in my actual#interests rather than wasting my life so i can look pretty and come off appealing and confident and NT and whatever else#but the shame and desperation are so strong i've spent the day crying just because i didn't spend the time to make myself the#most impressive person in the room lmaooo#anyways. realized that i always run into the same roadblock. ''this hurts really badly so i'm going to run back into the arms of NPD becaus#that feels safe and stable''#people can look down on me. not take me seriously. assume i'm incompetent or incapable. find me shameful or embarrassing or flawed.#they can make fun of me. talk about me behind my back. show disgust or disdain. abandon me with no explanation. exclude me. reject me.#and yeah it hurts. it hurts so fucking bad. but hiding who i am and turning everything into a source of approval-seeking is making me#actively want to die. and i'm incapable of getting close to anyone or anything like this. i need to acknowledge the pain and let it hurt.#learn to deal with it instead of run from it.
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