He didn't hurt you or anything did he?

i didn't answer this earlier because i was trying so hard to make it sound like i made even a somewhat decent choice by coming here and not give any more free ammunition for the other anons to judge me over but yeah he did and now he's not fucking letting me leave or even letting me out of his sight and i'm too upset to even care about how stupid i sound for ending up back here i just want to be out of this situation and i'm so mad at myself for being an idiot and being so desperate for help that i let him trap me again

The day I picked up Dazai is a fucking goldmine but one of the most notable moment is the fact that Odasaku, Oda Sakunosuke, actually considered robbing an injured and nearly-dying kid. And the best part is that he would’ve if it wasn’t for the fact that it was a super note

better than drugs

- We’d better summon the defense teams back to base.

- Is the enemy here? How many?

- One.

me flirting: which layer of hell do you think you’re going to?

reposting this for chuuya's birthday!

who wants to have a knife fight in the forest with me

no matter the struggles there is always ao3 in bed

a very beloved happy birthday 🎉

is he paying you

yes :)

did he try to get you back

personally? tried and failed

professionally? i'm going to finish up the most important of the work i left unfinished today along with a few other things he needs me to do, since i'm kind of stuck with him (he still has my keys)

sounds like he still has you dependent on him

i'm trying my best, okay?

what does he do to help fix it is it something your friend or someone can do so you don't have to go back to your abuser???

short answer: not really.

the one that bothers me most is the feeling of hands grabbing at me or touching me and our solution is for me to sit on his lap and he wraps his arms around me, that way i know it's not real because he wouldn't let anyone else touch me. if i'm also hearing screams or smelling a scent that distresses me he'll talk to me about something distracting in a calm voice or have me put my face up against his neck so that i know if i'm smelling anything other than him, it's not real. the visual one i can deal with on my own.

but the main thing there is a lot of physical contact and i don't really let anyone else touch me. my niece and nephew are the only people i let have consistent close contact because they're just kids and enjoy climbing me like a jungle gym. my sister gets hugs sometimes but in general i'm not a fan of being touched, nor would i ever actually admit to anyone irl that i need that level of help just to deal with lack of sleep.

"needs sleep" more than they need you unhurt and alive or???

i'm not the best at asking for help or even just venting to actual people (not just kinda to the void on tumblr). plus he knows exactly how to handle me when i'm like that so i knew he could "fix it"

when i said i was watching your blog like a car crash i didn't mean literally please be careful

thanks 😭