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#I’ve been made to feel like I’m a fucking burden my whole life

egcdeath · 1 year

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clean sheet

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pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: nothing stirs the pot like your ex-husband, gossipy soccer moms, and a weekend-long soccer tournament. (part two of spectator sport)

word count: 7.7k

warnings: canon divergent: no apocalypse, implied past emotional abuse, jealousy/misunderstanding, kinda angsty in the beginning but verrrry fluffy at the end, insecurities, there was only one bed, mutual pining, sarah and chloe being menaces as usual

author’s note: this past week has been extremely rough. like, ao3 author’s note apologizing for being gone rough, so i’m just as surprised as you are that i was able to write 7,000 words of a part two to spectator sport. enjoy!

part 3 / series masterlist

Tournament season was nothing short of an absolute pain in the ass. It was a pain in the ass when you were married and able to evenly split your responsibilities, and it’s even more of a pain in the ass now that your ex-husband has decided to participate minimally in all soccer related ventures.

To be completely honest, it seemed like it wasn’t just soccer ventures your ex wasn’t too enthused to partake in, as Nathan had ditched most of his fatherly duties whenever a new, younger girlfriend was in the picture. But that was neither here nor there.

Despite Nathan taking Chloe to her past few games this season—you were completely swamped with work and you had practically gotten on your knees and begged for him to take her to them—he didn’t seem to have any interest in assisting you with tournaments.

That was fine and good. You knew about the events far enough in advance to move some meetings around, block off some time, and cross your fingers and hope that nothing came up unexpectedly in the days prior to your game. Although, what you couldn’t account for was your car completely breaking down on your way back from a bagel shop the morning before you were meant to be on the road for the next three hours.

But alas, the universe had its way of kicking you when you were already down, leaving you biting back tears in the passenger seat of a tow truck as you attempted to figure out a Plan B.

“Please, Nathaniel,” you pleaded over the phone, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you tried your absolute best to hold the last bits of your composure together.

“I’ve been at her last three games,” it was impossible to miss the sneer in his voice as if his own daughter was the biggest burden in the world. “And where have you been? It’s practically been a month.”

“Where have I been?” you laughed out of anger and at the absurdity of his words. You knew that he knew for a fact that you’d been drowning in work. “Nathaniel. You know how my work has been. Please just do this one thing for your child. It’s the fucking weekend. It’s not like you’re doing anything else.”

“It’s always work with you. You know, this is why I couldn’t be with you anymore. You were always so selfish with your time and inconsiderate with mine,” he sighed dismissively. “And for the record, Claire and I have a reservation tonight. So I am doing something else.”

It was staggering how minimized and powerless he made you feel after every interaction despite how little he actually was in your life. Every time you interacted with the man you thanked whatever forces out there that you somehow found it in yourself to leave.

You huffed and blinked away tears, hugging yourself to attempt to bring yourself some sort of comfort. After signing the papers, you told yourself you would never waste one single tear on the man again. You wouldn’t let a little argument like this change that promise.

“Can I at least borrow your car?” you sounded so meek and desperate, but you were running out of options, and with every passing minute you had less and less options.

Instead of responding, Nathan simply laughed at you before ending the call. Humiliated didn’t even begin to cover how you felt about the whole situation.

You angrily wiped away the hot tears that had slipped down your face without your permission and sighed as you evaluated what options you had left. You could take an Uber, but it would be ridiculously expensive. You could rent a car, but Chloe was bound to get stains and dirt tracked throughout the vehicle. Anything else was far too short notice.

You flopped down onto your bed and screamed into your pillow. The stress from your overfilled work week combined with an extremely inconvenient situation was taking its toll on you, but you needed to figure something out.

Maybe you could carpool with someone. Although, you weren’t sure who was still in town, as most of the families liked to leave at the ass crack of dawn. If that wasn’t enough, you weren’t exactly sure you wanted to sit in a small contained space with some of those families for a prolonged period of time.

Maybe you could ‘borrow’ Nathan’s car regardless of what he said. You were sure his new girlfriend had a car–if she was even old enough to drive one–and they could certainly take that car to their ever-important reservation tonight. Although, maybe getting a grand theft auto charge in order to make it to a soccer tournament wasn't your greatest idea.

You were deep in the eye of a brainstorm when a soft little knock rapped against your door, seconds before Chloe peeked her head in.

“Hi mom,” she greeted, completely unaware of the extent of your conundrum. “Sarah can’t find her cleats and wanted to know if she could borrow one of mine. Where do you keep my old ones?”

Joel.

Oh shit, Joel.

Joel who you’d accidentally ghosted after the promise of a date. With work and ex-spousal drama, you hadn’t even had a moment to think about the date. A knot tied in your stomach as you thought about how you’d treated him. He probably thought you were icing him out on purpose.

“They should be downstairs in the front closet under the coats,” you informed her. “You almost ready to go?”

“What does it look like?” she retorted sassily, doing a little spin for you to show off her full soccer attire.

“Alright,” you chuckled, trying to keep it together for just a while longer. “Go find those cleats.”

With that, she was off, and you were alone with just one option.

You dialed the number that you’d only texted once, and bit your lip as the phone rang out. The knot in your stomach tied and untied with each ring of the phone, nausea rattling you as you thought about all the ways he could answer. He’d probably be pissed that you were only reaching out to him now, only when you needed something from him. He’d probably tell you off, just like Nathan, and laugh at you over the phone over the mere prospect of hitching a ride with him.

After three rings, Joel finally picked up, saying your name aloud, as if he was genuinely surprised to be hearing from you.

“Joel, I’m so sorry,” you took a deep breath and attempted to hold back the wave of emotions coming over you. This stupid stressful morning. This stupid stressful month. And stupid you for leaving a good man waiting for you. A good man who was probably moments away from becoming a bad man, like every other one that seemed to appear in your life.

“My car broke down this morning and I don’t have any other way to get to the tournament. Is there any way we can carpool? I’ll literally pay you to take us. I’ll drive Sarah to school for the rest of the school year. Hell, I’ll take her to games too. Just… please.” It felt like you were talking a million miles a minute.

“Hey, take a breath,” he said, clearly picking up on the frantic energy you were radiating through the phone. “We’re heading out in about twenty minutes. We’ll swing by your place. And don’t worry about all that other stuff, okay? Just take a big breath. I’ll see you soon.”

You were flooded with relief as you spoke your gratitude and hung up. It almost felt odd to not have someone go off on you for waiting so last minute to reach out for help, or for not reaching out to them after you said that you would. You were puzzled, and not completely sure what you did to deserve someone like Joel in your life, but you were grateful to have him regardless. Especially now that he was coming to save the day.

Sure enough, around twenty minutes later, a pickup truck arrived in front of your house, and Chloe was sprinting to go sit with her friend in the backseat, still overjoyed from the news that she would be traveling with her friend.

Timidly, you entered the car, still anticipating a stern lecture or even a scolding for being a shitty mom, and an even worse potential partner. “I really can’t thank you enough for this, Joel,” you expressed before he had the chance to speak, hoping that if you expressed your gratitude before he had the chance to yell at you, the blow would be lessened. You kept your eyes down as you sat down and set your overnight bag in front of you.

“Of course. You know, I still owe you a favor after that dinner fiasco,” he glanced over at you and smiled, and some of that fear you had been holding onto began to melt away. Although, you blanched at the mention of the date that you were meant to go on, but hadn’t had the chance to do so. Yet, there didn’t seem to be any malice behind Joel’s words.

“I guess we’re even?” you offered, looking over at the man to attempt to read him as he slung his arm around the back of the headrest and looked through the rearview mirror as he pulled out.

“Yeah,” he said shortly, almost… dejectedly? Maybe you were reading into it too much. After all, his attention was split between you and getting out of your driveway safely.

Regardless of what anyone was feeling, your journey began with the girls in the back chatting amongst themselves and a slightly weighted silence between the two of you in the front while the sound of radio filled in for the lack of conversation between you and Joel.

You spent the majority of the ride looking out your window, deep in thought. You tried not to let Nathan get under your skin all that often, but maybe he was right about the way you spent your time. You’d practically thrown away your shot at any relationship with the man next to you, simply because you were too busy and forgot about a promise you’d made.

You tried to focus on the excited chatter in the seat behind you, and less on the venomous words Nathan had given you over the years, but it was a difficult task. Paired with the fact that you were still waiting for the shoe to drop and Joel to go off on you, it wasn’t the most pleasant time.

After about an hour of driving (and in your case, brooding), you had to make a stop at the gas station, as the truck was running low on fuel. You reached for your wallet and grabbed a twenty dollar bill, then passed it back to the girls behind you. “Go get some snacks for us?”

“Of course!” Chloe cheered, hopping out of the car and racing Sarah into the entrance of the gas station.

Joel was definitely going to go off on you now that the kids were gone. You held your breath as you got out of the car, leaning against the hood of the vehicle as Joel stood by the pump, his eyes fixed on his vehicle.

“I can’t tell you just how sorry I am. About not reaching out to you to go out sometime, and for having to ask you so last minute to take us to the tournament. I’ve just been absolutely swamped with work, and Natha-“

“You’re fine,” Joel cut you off as he acknowledged your apology, keeping his gaze trained on the car. Here it comes. “You don’t need to apologize. Sometimes life just throws a bunch of shit at us at once.”

You nodded in agreement, your breathing picking up as you waited for the condescension or lecture to begin. Yet… it never came. You weren’t sure if he was as upset as you suspected, but Joel was certainly feeling more than he was willing to let on. The lack of eye contact and his slightly off responses told you that much.

“Is everything okay?” you finally asked, trailing off. “You’ve barely said a word all trip.”

“Everything is fine. I’m just tired,” he rubbed his forehead with his hand.

“Well, if you’re tired, I can drive us the rest of the way over and you can sleep. That way you’ll be rested for the game,” you offered, taking a daring step towards him, and setting your hand on his bicep—a peace treaty of sorts. And maybe a hint that you were still interested in whatever sparks had been evident before.

Joel immediately stiffened under your touch, and subtly rejected the motion. He glanced over at you for just a moment before looking back down at the gas pump and shut his eyes. “That’d be great. I’m really exhausted.”

While you could believe that maybe Joel was just tired, there had to be more to the story. The way he rejected your subtle touch and the way he just couldn’t seem to meet your eyes told you that much. Perhaps you underestimated just how hurt he was by you not making plans with him, although it wasn’t like he’d reached out to you to set something up. In fact, the last time you heard from him was the night before the girls’ game following their team dinner.

“Of course. Go ahead and get back in the car, I can take everything from here.”

The rest of the ride wasn’t too long, but you were happy to contribute after asking for such a last minute favor. You drove straight to the grounds that the team was playing on that afternoon, as you were already pushing it on time, and certainly did not have time to go check into your hotel yet.

Your kids jogged off to greet their team and warm up with them, leaving you alone with Joel once again as you grabbed fold-out chairs from the back of his truck.

“You feeling any better now after sleeping?” you asked, turning to look at him and inspect his face for any suspicious expressions.

“Yeah, definitely,” he affirmed, but his words didn’t exactly match what it was you had observed. He closed his trunk and began to walk away, and you followed after him, feeling a bit like a lost puppy.

“Joel, really. You can tell me what’s wrong,” you practically pleaded, part of you still waiting for the moment he would tell you off.

“I already told you,” his tone was defensive, and when he turned back to look at you, the agitation was clearly painted on his face. “Nothing is wrong.”

You were taken aback, but understood that you had crossed some sort of boundary in your continuous pressing of what was wrong. You felt more like a kicked puppy than a lost one as you walked out to the fields behind Joel, setting your chair up close to him, but with a little more distance between the two of you than what you would have preferred.

You didn’t talk much during the game, outside of cheering for your daughters and momentarily celebrating when one of them pulled something impressive off.

Although you didn’t interact much, it still felt nice to be back at a game after being gone for the past few weeks. And honestly, it felt even more nice to be back in Joel’s presence after those weeks, even if it was clear that something had shifted between the two of you.

When the second game began, you were surprised to come back from your short leg-stretch walk to find another chair placed next to Joel’s—and a woman happily chatting his ear off.

A pang of jealousy struck your gut as you observed the two of them. It was no secret that most of the moms (and some of the dads) on the team (and other teams) saw the same things in Joel that you did. But you had absolutely no right to feel jealous, considering the way you’d basically led him on, and you had absolutely no reason to believe that there was anything romantic going on between them.

But you felt unwell anyway.

You urged yourself not to look at them for too long, instead focusing on the game in front of you, but the sounds of their voices and the way their conversation easily flowed was far too distracting. Just the rotten cherry on top of an already shitty day.

You felt ridiculous and childish sitting there with jealousy burning deeply in your stomach as you mentally ran through all of the things you could have done differently. Maybe if you’d texted Joel the night of your dinner and found a day where you both weren’t busy to go out together, or if you’d just said no to taking on a few extra hours, you’d be the one giggling and playing with your hair as you chatted up Joel.

It was official: you couldn’t torture yourself with staying one more moment with the two of them. Instead, you shot out of your uncomfortable little chair, and hauled your jealous little ass over to the concession stand. If you couldn’t go back in time and fix all the mistakes you’d made leading up to today, at least you could stuff your face full of peanut M&Ms until you felt better.

As you focused on tearing the yellow plastic with a little more force than what was necessary, you completely missed Alice—one of the more gossipy mothers on the team—approaching you.

“Hey babe,” she greeted cheerily. “We haven’t seen you in a few weeks. Where’ve you been?”

Your mouth was currently filled with candy, so it took you a second to respond. “Work,” you said in between chewing. “I barely had time to breathe, let alone bring Chloe to her games, so I had to basically beg on my knees for a little help from her father. Speaking of which, how was Nathan?”

“Oh,” Alice paused and looked off to the side, a little too guiltily for your liking. “Yeah, he was fine.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, brows furrowed at her strange reaction.

“Yeah! He was great. It’s just…” she trailed off and offered you an awkward smile. “We thought you two were maybe back together. You know, with the whole co-parenting thing.”

Your eye twitched. So the parents of the team were gossiping and theorizing about your love life. Great. That’s probably what was wrong with Joel—word had gotten back to him that you and Nathan were playing house again. No wonder he was putting such distance between you.

“Babe,” you tried not to let the annoyance you were experiencing reflect too much into your tone, “why would you tell people we were back together? Bringing your own child to their sports events is not exactly groundbreaking or relationship material.”

You were now gritting your teeth as the irritation really started to sink in. Joel probably didn’t reach out to you for your date since these fucking real housewives you were surrounded by had decided to spread baseless rumors about you from the moment your ex had stepped onto the sideline.

You were wrong. This was the rotten cherry on top of the absolute dogshit milkshake of a day you’d had.

“I’m sorry,” Alice didn’t sound as remorseful as you wish she did. You knew that deep down, she was enjoying this little game and would be more than happy to spread this information back to her friends. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“It’s fine, the damage is done,” you sighed, shoving a handful of candy in your mouth.

“Have you seen Joel and Cindy, though? They’re so cute together!”

It was now clearer than ever that Alice was only interacting with you to stir the pot, so you simply put on the best fake smile you could muster and nodded. “Adorable. Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go sit back down. I haven’t seen Chloe play in a few weeks, and she was doing so well in the last game, I’m sure she’s doing great now too!”

You didn’t wait for a response before walking off, attempting to suppress all of the feelings you were having with this new information you’d been given. In the three weeks you’d been gone, Alice had convinced the team that you and Nathan were back together, and Joel had already moved on. If you hadn’t cared so much about Chloe’s passions, you would’ve had her quit on the spot. You simply could not handle any more of this soccer parent culture.

Sitting back down in your seat, you offered Joel an M&M, to which he politely declined. You wondered if there was a way for you to casually explain that you and Nathan were not and would not ever be an item again, but then again, it seemed like with Cindy in the picture, the ship of making anything work with you two had sailed.

You attempted to focus on your daughter, who unsurprisingly was doing quite well in the game. You were glad that no matter how shitty your day was turning out, your kin was at least having a better day—and having fun doing it.

You simply went through the motions through the rest of the day, squeezing your daughter tight with a hug when all of the games for the day were finished and telling Sarah about how great of a job she did, then falling back into a somewhat uncomfortable silence on your drive to the hotel.

Checking in had proved to be… a bit of an odd situation. As you pocketed your room keys, Chloe made an odd offer—her and Sarah would share a room while you and Joel would share your own.

It shouldn’t have surprised you as much as it did when your daughters proposed that you and Joel share a room so that they could have a sleepover, but it caught you off guard regardless.

You were hesitant for several obvious reasons, but their room was adjoined to yours, and there was a perfectly nice pull-out bed in the sofa, which meant there was absolutely no need to share a bed with Joel. After some consideration and discussion with the man who would be your roommate for the night, you ultimately settled on allowing it. You would take the sofa. Joel would take the bed.

Besides, it’s not like he’d be spending the majority of the night in the room. After a short conversation, he was getting dressed and going off to dinner with Cindy.

You tried not to feel bad for yourself for too long. You’d already spent the majority of the day feeling bad for yourself, whether it was for the shitty situations you found yourself in, or the way the moms on your team treated your love life like their favorite reality show.

Knocking on the door adjacent to your own, you were happy to see Chloe crack open her door.

“Hi girls,” you greeted. “What do you say to a pajama party?”

“Yes!” Chloe squealed, swinging her door wide open. Conveniently, they were already dressed the part, and were seemingly ready to wind down after a long day of physical activity.

After ordering an absurd amount of room service and having nothing short of a feast with your favorite pre-teens, the three of you sat on the floor under a blanket fort you’d constructed as you played Uno with some random network romcom playing in the background.

It felt like after a long day of holding your breath, you could finally let go of it, winding down with your two favorite children.

“Do you feel like you had a good day today?” you asked, placing a green three on top of the pile of cards.

“Yeah! I missed having you and my dad together at our games,” Sarah remarked, drawing a card.

Chloe nodded in agreement, setting down one of her own cards. “You really spice up our games. I think Joel yells a little louder at us when you’re here. He was pretty quiet when dad was bringing me.”

You tried not to let your emotions show on your face too much in front of the children, but it was undeniably sweet that you being around brightened Joel’s light, even now, when things were a little more awkward between the two of you. You simply hummed as you set down your card.

“Yeah, he kept asking me if I knew where you were,” Sarah drew a card then placed the card back down on the pile. “I think he missed you.”

So maybe Joel wasn’t as mad at you as you thought he was. Asking where you were had to be a good sign, right? Maybe it really just boiled down to him thinking you were back together with your ex-husband, and him not wanting to cross any boundaries.

“I think you’re our good luck charm. Did you see how well we played today?” Chloe asked, discarding a card. “Uno.”

“I think you guys are just good,” you set down a card. “Uno.”

“I dunno, when you were gone we kept losing,” Sarah set down a skip, causing Chloe to exclaim in frustration.

“Our friendship is over,” Chloe announced to Sarah for what must’ve been the third time that night.

“Mean it this time?” she teased.

“I swear!” the pair broke out into giggles as you set down your final card.

“We need to team up on you! How is it that you keep winning?” Sarah asked, pointing an accusatory finger at you.

“She’s a dirty cheater,” Chloe tutted. “Just ask her why we don’t play Monopoly anymore. Right, mom?”

“Hey!” you exclaimed. “It was a rough patch. I keep winning Uno because you two keep targeting each other. What happened to team work?”

“No such thing in Uno,” Sarah shrugged.

You laughed aloud, feeling some of your stress melting away with the motion, “you guys are too funny.”

Chloe yawned and reached for the pile in the middle of your little circle. “You can’t compliment your way out of this, cheater.”

“Ugh, whatever. I didn’t realize I raised such a sore loser.”

“Takes one to know one!” Chloe jeered.

“Sure,” you chuckled. “Well, I think it's this cheater’s bedtime. Can I help you guys undo the pillow fort?”

The girls agreed, and you helped take down the mess of blankets, chairs, and pillows as they began to wind down and settle into bed.

“Goodnight, girls,” you bid farewell as you approached the adjoining door. “If you need anything, just come on over, okay? Sweet dreams,” you blew kisses to both of them before going back over to your side of the room.

When you made it back to your room, Joel was already in bed, the soft light of the television illuminating his face in the otherwise dark room. The light from the screen and his pajamas were doing him all sorts of favors, making him look like he walked straight out of your domestic fantasy.

“When did you get back?” you asked as you grabbed your phone charger from your bag and approached the pull-out bed.

“Like, an hour ago,” he shrugged, leaning back against the headboard.

“You should’ve come over and played Uno with us,” you suggested, attempting to get cozy in your makeshift bed as you pulled the threadbare hotel blanket over your legs. “We had a little fort and everything.”

“Didn’t wanna intrude on your girls’ night,” he mumbled sleepily, hugging a pillow as he adjusted himself in bed.

“We would’ve been happy to have you,” you muttered, trying your best to relax in the rather uncomfortable makeshift bed.

Joel simply grunted in response, his eyes now shut. You could only assume that sleep set in quickly, and you’d now lost him to dreamland.

You stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. Part of you wished that this whole day was just an awful dream, and that you’d wake up the morning after the team dinner at Joel’s house, able to do everything all over again.

Rolling onto your side, you hoped that the shitty pull-out bed would become even slightly more comfortable, but your hope was to no avail. You sighed softly and closed your eyes, wondering if you started counting sheep, if it’d be any easier to fall asleep.

About fifteen sheep in, Joel’s soft voice calling your name pulled you out of whatever sleepy daze you’d been in.

“Hey, are you sleeping yet?” he practically whispered.

“No,” you responded, voice far above a whisper. “The floor would probably be more comfortable than this.”

“I told you you shouldn’t have taken the pull-out bed,” he goaded.

“You wanna get down here and sleep on it for me?”

“No. Well… Would it help you sleep better?”

“Joel,” you huffed.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” you listened as the bedsheets began to rustle.

“No, no, don’t do that. Your body needs an actual bed after all that hard manual labor you do. Lay back down.”

“Not if you can’t fall asleep because of that shitty bed. Trust me, I’ve slept in worse conditions.”

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Now I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.”

Joel paused for a second, and you assumed he’d finally given up. Good.

Until he called your name once again. “Come up here and get a good night’s rest.”

“No,” you argued, though your sleepy brain was practically begging you to move to the comfier location. “You need it more than me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You snickered, “whatever you want it to mean.”

Silence on his end once again. Time to start herding your sheep.

“Why don’t we just share? There’s probably room for three of me on this bed.”

A bold proposition from a man who got back from a date only a few hours ago. A bold proposition that you were probably a bit too enthusiastic to take.

“Fine,” you huffed. “Only to get you off my ass.”

Every part of your body was thanking you as you slipped out of the shitty couch-bed and padded over to the empty side of the real bed. Tentatively, you got in bed and under the sheets, making sure to keep yourself on your side and keeping your back facing his.

“Goodnight, Joel.” you finally whispered.

“Goodnight,” he softly said your name, and you imagined the look on his face. Maybe in a different world, one where you’d gone on a date with him when the offer was on the table, you’d be in bed with him without the argument, with his arm wrapped around your waist as he wrapped you in a warm embrace, or with him hovering above you as you attempted to keep quiet in a hotel filled with guests who were more than willing to speculate about you.

It was nice to have someone in bed with you again. Even if all you had was the heat radiating off of the man next to you, and the sound of his deep breaths as he fell deeper and deeper into sleep. Despite all that had gone wrong in the day, and whatever Joel’s situation was with his date, somehow laying in bed with someone else made you feel at ease.

You didn’t have to count any more sheep to fall asleep that night.

When you woke up, Joel was already out of bed, pulling on a hat and slipping on his shoes. “Oh good, you’re awake,” he commented as you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. “Wanna get complimentary breakfast before it goes away?”

You stretched out as you listened to the proposition, wondering if the phantom feeling of an arm around your waist during the night was real or just a dream. “You know me so well.”

Somehow, the tension between the two of you didn’t feel so heavy that morning. Maybe sleeping in bed together had helped to break the ice, or maybe some other variable was at play. Regardless, you were happy to feel like your relationship had gone back to what it had been a month ago, even if Joel really was beginning to form something with Cindy.

The hotel lobby wasn’t too busy when you and Joel went down. You were certainly grateful, as the fact that you had just rolled out of bed and gone to breakfast was more than obvious to anyone who’d looked at you for more than two seconds.

You were stirring endless circles into your coffee when Joel sat down across from you, sighing as he leaned back into his chair.

“Sleep well?” he asked before taking a hearty sip of his own coffee.

You held back a laugh and exchanged it for the slightest hint of a smile. If only he knew just how well you slept. “I guess,” you admitted. “I always sleep well in hotel beds.”

You were completely uncertain of how to address the bed-sized elephant in the room, or if it was even a good idea to do so. But the lack of coffee in your system and the remnants of sleep clouding your brain had lowered your inhibitions significantly, causing the next words to tumble out of your mouth.

“Thank you for letting me join you,” you involuntarily held your breath after saying so, too afraid to openly wait for his reaction.

“Of course,” he hummed, beginning to stab at some of the food on his plate. “I couldn’t just let you break your back on that couch-bed.”

“Well I appreciate it,” you began to pick at some of your own food, the two of you falling into a far more comfortable silence. Obviously something had shifted between the time of the game and now, but you couldn’t quite place it. Since you were already in the mood to address elephants in the room, you had no issue blurting, “How was your date last night?”

“Date?” Joel looked up from his scrambled eggs with a furrowed brow.

“With Cindy? From the other team?” you took a bite of toast and didn’t back down from the loaded eye contact going on between the two of you.

“Well, it wasn’t a date. Cindy’s married. Happily, I might add. Just catching up with a family friend.”

You were slightly taken aback, but not necessarily in a bad way. Suddenly, you felt silly for all the energy you’d wasted the day prior feeling jealous and bad for yourself, when you didn’t even know the full story.

“Well, what about Nathan? Is he a family friend?” it came out defensive, and you couldn’t particularly blame him for it. Finally some proof that this was what that weird tension had been all about.

Maybe if your mind was slightly more clear, you’d find it cute that you were both a little jealous over each other. Maybe you really hadn’t thrown away your chance at this thing the way you’d thought you did.

“No! I told you, I’ve been swamped with work. Like, getting home so late that I only see Chloe in the mornings and when I tuck her into bed, late. She needed to go to her games, and I knew there was only one person I could possibly guilt trip into bringing her. But I would rather marry the actual incarnation of Satan himself before spending another day with her father.”

“Oh,” Joel said quietly, lifting his disposable cup to his lips and seeming rather deep in thought.

“But you thought I was with him this whole time?”

“I guess?”

“And you still invited me into your bed?” you pressed, a hint of amusement in your voice.

“There was nothing inherently romantic or… sexual about that. I just didn’t want you to wake up in pain,” he set down his cup, but continued staring you down.

You shrugged. Solid answer, although you certainly wouldn’t be opposed to either alternative scenarios.

“But even if there was, it’s only because you deserve better than that man. And from what I’ve seen, pretty much any man is better than him.”

“Including you?” you pressed.

“What do you think?” the little smirk he was obviously trying to fight only egged you on.

“I think I agree with you. Except, I don’t love that you just assumed something about my relationship status because one of those human rumor mills told you it. Next time, you wait until you hear it from me, okay?”

“I normally would’ve, I guess I’m just so used to things not working out with me, my brain was just looking for a reason why this wouldn’t work out either.”

“To be fair, not contacting you after saying I’d go out with you is pretty solid grounds for thinking we wouldn’t work out. But at least let me take you on a date before we try to figure out if we’ll work out or not.”

“You still want to go on that date?” Joel asked, sounding more astonished than you would’ve expected.

“What do you think?” you winked, tossing his words right back at him.

Just as your exchange began to wrap up, you were joined by two sleepy kids, who most certainly heard part of your conversation about going on a date. You couldn’t even bother with feeling mortified, too high on the knowledge that you had yet another shot with Joel.

“How was your sleepover?” you asked the girls without missing a beat.

“Fun. We missed you, though,” Chloe sighed as she buttered up a bagel.

“Yeah, Uno’s not the same without you,” Sarah added as she began to cut up her pancakes.

“I’m flattered, girls. We’ll have to have an Uno tournament sometime and get Joel on it too. Mostly so he can witness me beating everyone’s ass at it.”

“Language, mom. And we all know you’re a cheater.”

“Keep telling yourself that, sweetie.”

“I don’t know, I kinda believe it,” Joel teased.

“Not you too, Joel! You’re supposed to be on my side,” you laughed.

Your table fell into comfortable conversation for the rest of breakfast before you had to send the girls off to go get ready for their games. You almost wanted to pinch yourself to check if you were still dreaming after waking up in this domestic paradise following the terrible day you’d had yesterday, but even if it was a dream, you weren’t sure you wanted to wake up.

The rest of the tournament went smoothly, with the ice sufficiently broken between you and Joel, and you even joining in on his conversations with Cindy as the three of you sat together. The girls’ team ultimately won, leading to some very happy passengers as you drove back home. As you exited Joel’s car, you gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and a whispered promise of going out with him soon. To think, when you’d started your weekend, you never would have believed it would end in this manner.

——

“Mom, hurry!” Chloe yelled up the stairs at you, sounding a little more impatient than what you would’ve liked.

You could understand where she was coming from. Following the end of the soccer season, Joel had been quite busy, and Chloe hadn’t been able to see her closest friend outside of school hours for quite some time. If you were Chloe, you’d probably be anxious to see Sarah too.

Hurrying down the stairs with a newfound sense of urgency, you gave your daughter a little side hug.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” you apologized, understanding her urgency a little too well.

“Don’t be sorry. Just be efficient,” she pulled away from you and checked out your clothing. Sure, it was 6 PM and you were already in your pajamas. Sue you for wanting to come back home after a long day at work and put on your softest cat-printed pajama pants. “That’s a good outfit.”

“Oh, thank you. I was actually invited to Paris Fashion Week, but-“

“You can tell me in the car!” she exclaimed as she scurried off, with you following behind the little slippery bastard.

In the car, Chloe seemed to be acting a little… suspicious. Although, you didn’t pay much mind to it, making small talk on the short drive over to her friend’s house. Her friend whose father you still hadn’t found time to go out with.

“Oh yeah, being here reminded me that Joel had something to tell you,” Chloe announced as you pulled into their driveway. “Come in with me?”

By now, you were slightly suspicious, but the idea of having some sort of confrontation by Joel about you not following through on your word once again overrode your suspicions of your child.

As Chloe rang the doorbell, Sarah swung the door open, smiling at her friend, then up at you.

“Hi, come on in!” she said sweetly, opening the door all the way and leading you inside.

As you walked in, your eyes caught on a makeshift pillow fort—one that oddly resembled the one you’d helped the girls make during their tournament. Cute.

“My dad’s inside. He wants to talk to you. See you later, bye!” Sarah talked quickly, and even quicker than her speech, she disappeared up the stairs with your daughter.

Something was definitely up.

You approached the fort with trepidation, and slowly pulled up a flap, where you found Joel dressed similarly to you in a loose shirt and plaid pajama pants, comfortably splayed out on his back while he seemed to be playing Candy Crush on his phone.

“Oh, hey,” you said awkwardly. “The girls said you wanted to talk to me?”

“Oh, hey,” he parroted back, seeming even more taken aback by your presence as he immediately sat up. “Uh, I actually didn’t know you were coming over?”

Oh.

It was always something with your kids. They knew how to scheme, and they knew how to scheme well.

“That’s fine,” you laughed to yourself about the situation. “I was gonna head out anyway. It was good to see you, and for the record, you clean up pretty well,” you teased, alluding to your similar mid-evening pajamas.

“Wait!” he said quickly, nearly cutting you off. “Sorry, wait. Don’t go yet. Unless you have somewhere else to be…?”

You shook your head and shrugged.

“I mean, obviously our kids set us up again, but we also haven’t followed through on that date yet. So maybe we can do it now?”

“Maybe,” you hummed as you sat down next to him on a mountain of pillows. “What would you want to do?” you asked, gently tapping his leg with your fuzzy-sock clad foot. (Chloe didn’t need to know that what was taking you so long was finding these god-forsaken socks.)

“Well, I’ve been wanting to take you out to some snobby, fancy restaurant,” he began.

“Oh?” you voiced, brows raised.

“But I don’t really think that’s either of our speeds.”

“Agreed. I don’t know where you’re going with this, but I’m liking it so far.”

“We also probably shouldn’t leave the girls home alone at night,” he continued to think out loud, his soft eyes never leaving your own. You almost felt like you were caught in a trance by them.

“So what do you suggest we do, Joel?” you asked.

“Well, we have this wonderful pillow fort already at our disposal. Maybe we can order some food and watch a movie?”

“I think sitting in a pillow fort while eating food and watching a movie is my love language. That sounds lovely.”

You two smiled at each other, and you could hear your heartbeat pound in your ears as a warm feeling filled your chest. It had been far too long since you’d felt any semblance of this feeling.

An abundance of Thai food and an argument over what movie to watch later, you were curled up like a cat beside Joel admiring the look of his face under the lighting of the fairy lights that were hung up throughout the little fort.

“Ugh, why haven’t we done this sooner?” you asked, lifting your head out of the dip of his shoulder.

“We’re both too busy,” he murmured, looking away from the television screen to look over at you.

“I’ll literally take sick time off just to do this again,” you remarked.

“I think that’s just the Thai food talking.”

“It was fucking amazing.”

“Told you.”

“But it’s not just the Thai food. I really like you a lot, Joel. I like spending time with you. I like talking to you and arguing about whether a shitty romcom or shitty action movie is better. I like doing mundane shit with you, like putting up fairy lights in a fort to enhance our ‘fort experience’. I like cuddling with you. Has anyone ever told you that you’re basically a human furnace? Anyway, I hate the fact that our daughters had to make an elaborate scheme just to get us together. I wanna make more time for you, because you deserve it. But like, only if you also wanna spend more time with me,” you confessed.

“Of course I want to spend more time with you. And in the spirit of honesty, I really do have the time, sometimes. I guess I just worry that you wouldn’t want to spend your free time with me.”

“Joel, I would sit and watch paint dry on a wall if you were there with me. From the moment you entered my life, you’ve made everything a little better. If I have the time, I’m never gonna say no to being with you.”

He paused for a moment as he seemed to process that information, only coming back with a quiet, “Can I kiss you?”

You grabbed his cheeks and kissed him like no one you’d ever kissed before. It felt like the Fourth of July in your stomach as a moment you felt you’d been waiting for all your life finally came to fruition.

By the time you pulled away, you were breathless and felt warm all over. You could go out on a limb and say that as far as dates go, this one was pretty successful, and to think, if it wasn’t for your daughters’ intervention, none of this would’ve happened.

Yeah, you definitely needed to treat them to something.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller angst #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us hbo #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller imagine #soccer parents au

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here-but-forgotten · 2 months

Text

tolerate losing me. /Valeria/wife!reader.

part one | fight. toxic yuri. emotional not goodness. mentions of infidelity. Alejandro mention. a bit toxic.

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this was the only time you were wishing she would ignore you— ever intense eyes peering to meet yours. The kitchen light is off. They’re all off. And she stands there— the woman who used to make your heart flutter like a childhood crush, who pulled you from your pain like a savior, whose eyes used to soften when they met yours like a too perfect love novel,

“you’re losing me.”

You repeat, your eyes at the counter. Her hands resting on the counter. her body leaning forward. The counter separating the two of you. and it was still.

everything was. is. valeria. you. the night. the house. the house she tried to claim was a home. but it wasn’t still like water, not like a safely ignored puddle that floated little leaves like a lake, no. it is like a too-tight sweater that would choke you if you moved wrong, a mouthful off too much food that would choke you, water going down your throat wrong.

“I know, I never give you enough time,” Valeria starts— slow, poisonous, cold— “I know it’s always my fault.”

“I never said it was.”

“You don’t have to say it, you act like it. I know you act like this whole life I’ve given you has been a waste. I know all my time I gave you has been a waste in your eyes. I know I can’t do enough for you.” Snappy. Cruel.

“I know my pain is an imposition,” You murmur.

Your eyes stay on the stone.

“I’ve slaughtered men to give you this— do you think i’ll just let you leave?” her voice cracks, words too rushed to be confident.

“Maybe it would have been more efficient if you married them.”

She breathes in, a sort of shocked sound.

“You’re actually serious?”

“You’re just never here, and when you are, I feel like I’m just a burden, like a chore you don’t look forward to.”

“With you acting like this, you are.”

Your chest twists, like pulling your leg in the wrong direction.

“I wouldn’t have married me either,” You whisper, “And I wish you hadn’t.”

Still. Again. Air thick. Night dark. Eyes locked on stone like it would be something to save you, something to get you out.

You breathe in, a shaky breath, lip trembling,

“I know you don’t understand, and I don’t really expect you to anymore,” You try to keep your voice even, throat scratching.

“You’re right, I don’t understand how you’re acting like such a brat after what I’ve given you. I’ve given you everything you could have wanted— you have money, you’re safe, you can get whatever you want— and you still bitch and whine like I don’t do anything for you.”

Your lip wobbles.

“I just wanted you. I wanted to be yours, and I wanted you to be mine. I just wanted to be your equal. I gave you the best version of me. I tried,”

You breathe in deep, finally gazing at her hands,

“I tried to be your strongest, I tried to be the best little me, I tried to take up as little space, I tried to give you all my empathy,”

You shift on your feet; her empty ring finger is tapping impatiently on the counter,

“I know I loved you. And i convinced myself you loved me. But I don’t think that’s true anymore.”

“I’ve come back in fucking stitches for you.” She hissed, seething.

“Did you tell him that too?”

“I did that for my job—“

“But you lied about that too.”

“I love you and this is what I get,” Valeria lowers her voice, speaking through her teeth.

“How can you say you love me when you haven’t noticed anything wrong?” You ask, voice soft. Small.

That’s how she makes you feel. Made you feel. Small. She takes your being and she crumbles it down until she can fit you in her pocket and forget about you long enough to forget what’s digging into her skin.

“You’re always moody.”

“I mess up and I know that, I don’t know why you can’t admit you mess up sometimes too.”

“I’m not here long enough to need to do that.”

“I know.”

Your heartbeat is the only noise for a while. Beating in your ears. If you had counted the rhythm, maybe you would have known how much time had passed.

“Why?”

“Why what?” Valeria snaps, a little too quickly.

“Why were you with him? What about ‘work’ would need you to be with him?”

“There are things you don’t understand—“

“I fucking know that, that’s why I’m asking,” You snap, a little too quickly, the words leaving you before you had the chance to catch them.

Valeria stops. And normally you would pick your words back up, hide them again, try to tell her you didn’t mean it, yet,

“I don’t know anything about what you do. I know barely anymore about you. I know what you have crafted for me, but that’s it.”

“I’m trying to keep you safe, but if you want to get yourself killed—”

“—I don’t know how fucking your colonel is a part of that—”

“—Then i’ll let you do it.”

Her words fall into place in your head after a moment, your eyes stinging.

“What?”

Valeria is quiet.

“You want me to die?”

“No— I didn’t mean it like that—“

“How else do you mean that?”

Valeria is quiet.

“Why do you even keep me around then? Just to be convenient? Just to be able to have someone to talk at?”

Valeria is quiet.

“Do you just want a toy? To keep around?”

Valeria is quiet.

“You’re losing me and you don’t care to fight for it.”

“I never said that.”

“You don’t have to say that, you act like it.“

Valeria is quiet.

You might just have dealt the final blow.

“I’m only here when you want it. Some days I get two sentences out of you before you go away again. If i’m lucky I get a ‘good night’. I’m lucky if I get to see you on the weekend. But I normally don’t.”

Valeria is quiet.

“You left your phone here. One of them.”

Valeria shifts.

“You seem to be able to talk to everyone except me.”

“It’s not like that—“

“I don’t know how flirting with a man you’re not married to, who is your superior, who you’ve apparently known your whole life, how fucking a man you’re not married to because you asked him to, isn’t like that.”

“Why would you invade my space like that?”

“It’s not invading when you’ve given me explicit permission. I suppose I just found the one that was the worst to find.”

She shifts again, turning away from the counter.

“It was for work.”

Her voice is finally soft. Not commanding. Not booming. Not snapping.

“You can flirt for work but ignore your wife for years?”

“I haven’t been ignoring you.”

“What would you call it then? Not paying me any attention no matter how much I reach for you, no matter how much I beg, no matter how much I strip myself back into the most raw, vulnerable pieces of me, no matter what I do not being good enough for you— what else is that?”

“It’s ignoring you.”

That’s an argument you wish you hadn’t won.

“I knew you had a couple of phones, for work,” you start, moving away from the counter, “But I didn’t know about that grey one.”

Valeria goes still.

“Who is Judith?”

“You’re playing a dangerous game.”

“I’m not too scared. You’ve already killed me.”

Valeria sighs.

“She has nice tits but she’s not who you’re married to. Unless this whole ‘married’ thing was a lie. I might believe you if it was.”

Valeria is quiet.

Valeria is quiet.

Valeria is quiet.

“Please just fucking say something.”

“I loved you.”

You nod, to yourself. She isn’t looking at you.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t enough to keep around. But I wish you had let me go sooner.”

“you were enough.”

Your lip trembles. Again.

“I don’t believe many of the words coming out of your mouth anymore.”

“Did you tell Alejandro?”

“Who?”

She sighs.

“The man.”

“I wouldn’t know his name. I just found out about it.”

She sighs.

“I don’t appreciate the accusation but, I suppose that type of thing doesn’t matter anymore.”

“I know I talk to you everyday like you need but I do care about you.”

“I find that hard to believe,” You murmur, soft, “I don’t need everyday, I just needed more than twice a month when you’re horny.”

She scoffs, but doesn’t say anything.

Valeria is quiet.

You are quiet.

The house is quiet.

“I need to go out,” Valeria finally says, moving towards the door, “I’m sorry I’m leaving you alone.”

“I’m used to it.”

“I don’t need your snark.”

“That wasn’t snark.”

She stops for a moment, pulling something out of her pocket, resting it on the counter with a soft clink.

“You… I want you to keep this place,” She whispers, her voice wobbling, “And you can burn all my shit. I won’t come back… if you don’t want me to.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it?” Her voice turns towards you, your eyes lost in a corner of the room, “I get ‘okay’?”

“I’ve already done a lot of talking.”

She pauses.

“I suppose you have.”

She steps, pulling the door open silently, slamming it behind her.

A pot on the wall jumps, hitting the wall.

And the house is quiet.

And your heartbeat has softened.

And it is quiet, as usual, but there’s a weight lifted.

You move, walking through the house silently—

“Burn all my shit— you already took it,” You murmur to yourself, finally turning on a light, warm light filling the room. There was nothing of hers left. Nothing that mattered. A pair of socks. An undershirt. A receipt. One of her burner phones. Moving without thought, you pick the phone up; caller id’s in Spanish or code, nothing particular sticking out, only that the man seemed to have had the same fight you just did. There’s a couple of angry voice mails. In Spanish. A mans voice. You hear the name Valeria but don’t listen too hard. A lot of aggressive “¿Que?”’s thrown in there. You put the phone down, looking at the rather dumb caller I.D. “CAV”. One word. All caps.

But you listen. You throw the clothes outside. You throw the receipt in the trash. But you keep that phone. And you watch it. And the pain sets into your chest— hollow and painful, twisting, like an open gash where the blood is only making it worse.

The phone is in terrible condition. Looks like it went through war. The screen is partially shattered, only being held together with a screen protector and a layer of clear tape. Dust. Gun powder, probably.

I don’t know why there would be gun powder. She didn’t make her own bullets. She never filled her own cartridges

You adjust, a moment of.. calm, taking over your mind. Finally. After so long. Just calm. No nagging. No words echoing. Just quiet in your head.

Why would she take her phone into active areas? Can’t you easily track a phone?

You watch the phone, opening it again, the settings set for most tracking permissions.

That’s a stupid decision. A deadly one, really.

You place the phone down. The screen lights up.

I.D.- CAV.

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#valeria garza x reader #valeria cod #angst #valeria mw2 #valeria x reader #valeria garza x fem!reader #valeria garza #valeria call of duty #call of duty #modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #cod #these have been my vent fics #and yes CAV is colonel alejandro vargas #tolerate it.

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everythingelseisextra · 9 months

Text

Cain (Tommy's POV)

WARNING: This chapter contains the darkest material in Only The Wild Ones so far. This is not a fun chapter. Message me for more details if you'd like to know the specifics behind the warnings. Read at your own discretion.

Part Seventeen: The Ends Of The Earth

Description: A decision is made. Tommy goes on the hunt and learns a new respect. Warnings: Effects and mentions of drug use, implied pedophilia, abuse of a child, implied child trafficking, language Word Count: 3500 Tag List: @theshelbyslimited @ttaechi @weaponizedvirtue @majesticcmey @optimisticsandwichgladiator @zablife @princesssterek @mm0thie @callsignvenus @ay0nha @mgdixon @fairytale07 @dreamy-caramel @ce1iat @algae-tm @dragonsondragons @trentknd @nothingofsimplicity @babayaga67 @shelbydelrey @globetrotter28 @look-at-the-soul @notalxx @chaengist @cookiez56-blog

“Tommy… You—” I can hear it in her voice before she says it.

I nod and put the box back in my pocket. “So, when you’re ready, you tell me, and—”

“Your turn to listen.” She wipes the tears from her face and draws herself up, resetting herself, taking a breath. “You’re right. You’re not a good man. You made promises to me and didn’t keep them, you toyed with me, you scared the shit out of me. You say you care for me but only act like it sometimes. And I know a lot of the time, it’s not really your fault. It’s hard to care for other people when you feel fucking unwanted, trust me, I know. And I know you just experienced a blow. Probably an understatement, honestly, to what just happened. But you can’t take that out on me. You can’t exert the power you have just so you can feel in control. So, no. I won’t marry you. You’ll have to handle having a woman in your house who’s not a whore, a wife, a nanny. You’ll have to handle a woman who isn’t just a body for you.” Her eyes carry something in them, half fear, half mercy. “But, there is a bright side. I know you’re not loyal. I know you’re not always kind. I know you manipulate and act like a child when you’re grieving. I’ve seen the worst and I’m still here. I guess that says something about me.”

“You haven’t.” The words are heavy, burdened by weight in my chest, on my heart. “You haven’t seen the worst.”

“No?”

I shake my head. “I’m bloody violent.”

She chuckles. “Oh, you think I care about that? Need I remind you that I killed two men myself, one at point blank?”

I look up at her, seeking the distaste I saw in Grace when we talked of the illegal side of business. She stares back, puffy eyes and drawn skin, unafraid, unfaltering. I tilt my head.

“You won’t marry me. You won’t fuck me. You won’t let me pay for necessities. Why, then, are you staying in this house?”

Her gaze turns to an amused kind of incredulity. “For a smart man, you really can be thick sometimes, you know that?”

I smile faintly. “No one but you is ever brave enough to tell me.”

“But, still, you do know.” She sighs. “I’ve stayed with you because, in case you haven’t noticed, you’re the only person that makes me feel safe. Despite your particular neurosis, or maybe even regardless of them, you’re the first one I’ve met to know the shit I’ve been through and not back away because of it. Hell, you might’ve even gotten closer. And I owe you. I would’ve ran. My whole life, all I’ve done is run, and it was you who convinced me to stay. It was you who taught me I could fight. I probably knew all along, but you forced me to become the person I desperately needed when I was younger. You’re worth it to me to stay, even with the bullshit that comes with being Tommy Shelby.”

She says my name and it sounds kinder than when I do. I pull my legs up onto the bed and lean back a little, drawing myself up. Tommy Shelby. My reputation precedes me, always has. Not with her. Never with her. And I know with some certainty that came from almost chasing her away, that I will always be able to do the difficult things. I can be scared and carry on, I can send my family to prison and take a breath and play with my son for an hour after. But the easy things; eating when I’m hungry, drinking something other than whiskey, coaxing myself to sleep at night, speaking the truth when a lie is on my tongue, and admitting that I am hurting. Doing that without her will bring me back to that rottenness in my head, all the muck and smoke left over, the sickness from my mum.

“I don’t know what I can do that will be enough of an apology.” My hand on the sheets clenches a bit and scrunches them.

“I have a few things to start with.” She draws closer to me, blinking bleary eyes at the sad state of affairs that I’ve become. I nod for her to continue speaking, to place her demands, and her voice turns to something more authoritative, stronger, despite the tear streaks down her face. “You’ll respect our relationship and not sleep with other women. You’ll talk about what’s going on in your head instead of literally shutting me out. And, most importantly, you’ll quit playing games. I don’t like doing that. All I want is to lay my cards on the table and give you what you need, and you can’t take advantage of that. The only apology I need is proof that you actually do want me here and do value me without belonging to you, physically or metaphorically.”

It’s often that I forget about the sleepy-eyed kid I used to be. He’s in my head, somewhere, behind the gunsmoke and ignition. That boy was the definition of youth. Rebellion in his bones and impulsivity at his very fingertips, and he thinks that the world is cruel, so then, he won’t be. He’ll be kind and protective of the weak, the dying, the horses and the wild ones. That was the problem, then, that he softened himself so. He was hurt too easily. And I think that that boy loves her. Simple, yes, uncomplicated, childish love, but love nonetheless. When she asks for the apology of admiration and respect, he knows he can give it.

I worry that I cannot. That boy was before the war. That boy is a made-up voice in my head, and I am real. I am the man who has regrets piling up around him and who fears that he will never make a better mistake. I am the man who has a woman who wants him but doesn’t want him and talks about metaphors and broken promises. I am the man who has died more times than he can count and still wakes up every morning to face a cold sun.

“Okay.” I look elsewhere, unable to meet her eyes.

“That isn’t much of a promise, Tom.”

I take a breath and look up. “I promise.”

She nods. “That’s better.”

I think I’ve gotten too used to being broken. Pain tastes sweet when the knife is sharp. I like when my head is in a fight with my heart, when that conflict can distract me from the rest. I like when I’ve grown so sharp that no one can grasp me. I like when the whiskey sings away the no-man’s-land between myself and others. So, when she asks me to be a better man, to treat her with the same regard as she does me, I falter. I worry that she’ll see the rips and tears in me and decide that the healing I’ve done has been in the wrong places.

A small smile turns my lips and my eyes are on hers. “I promise you don’t need to forgive me for us to continue. I’ve never been innocent, and now you know it.”

“I’ve known.” Her lips press together. “Don’t go thinking I’ve been oblivious.”

The faint smile I managed falls away. My heart aches to tell her, to confess my sins and repent, the way Polly would want. I cannot tell her, not until I know that it’s worked, until I can tell that the business I’ve conducted has run its course. Maybe I will never tell her, simply open her cage and let her fly without another word.

—

There are men here with names that are written on a list hidden in a locked drawer. Their heavy feet creak the wooden floor, predatory stances with gazes that provoke. This darkened bar knows I’m here. The bartender catches my eyes, waiting for me to move on one of the women who walk along with low cut dresses and pupils blown unnaturally large. They serve drinks here, yes, but they’re the appetizers to the meal of women. The men pair themselves off with one or two, disappear into a backroom, or up the stairs to the small quarters above. Music from a gramophone drowns out the thumping and moans.

I’m not interested in the women. I’m not interested in the men. My attention lies on the bartender. A seedy, badly-dressed older man with yellowed eyes from years of using cocaine, with the name of Harold Bates. I asked around, found that he’s been working in this bar since before the war and has been an ally to the men who purchase these women’s services.

I’ve become a regular and a joke. Widower Tommy Shelby, drinking alone in a front for whoring, refusing to partake in the hedonistic celebration of man’s power. They know me as the man who favored Lizzie through the years and who has little reserve when it comes to women. The line between them and I blurs.

It’s hard to find the words to describe the fragility of the web I crouch on. My reputation helps steady it, but so much else seeks to dismantle the plan I’ve built. The question I’m about to ask will tremble the silky threads. I am relying on someone else’s ability to keep quiet, when I would rather send them into silence permanently. Simply put, any blood spilt today will reveal the spider hiding on the web to the fly that buzzes just out of reach.

I meet Harold Bates’ eyes and quietly tell him; “Bring me the youngest.”

I expect questions and receive none. Harold nods and walks behind the wall that separates the bar from the back room. When he returns, I find I can’t breathe. The girl in tow looks to be no older than ten. Emaciated body, crudely painted fingernails, dressed like an adult, showing off curves that don’t exist. I see the woman I’ve left in my house and promised to protect, who killed two men and faces me daily with no fear, and I remember how old she was when she was sent away to a powerless life. Eight. Fifteen when she finally got out. I think of Charlie, three years younger than she was, and nausea rises heavily in my stomach.

I can’t speak, so I reach out and take her hand. Her eyes are wide, intoxicated. She wavers when she walks in heels too big for her. I lead her, half holding her up, to one of the side rooms I’ve deemed is empty. A rotting, bare mattress sits on a metal frame in the middle, walls with peeling paper, the strong smell of sweat and warm bodies. She walks over to the bed and I turn to close the door. My eyes meet the bartender’s through the closing crack. He must think me a sick fuck, for taking this terrified young girl alone into a room to use her as I wish.

When I turn back around, she’s sitting on the bed with her legs crossed, the top of her dress undone to reveal a boyish chest.

I look away. “Put it back on.”

“What?” She looks to me with those same lifeless, glassy eyes. “Aren’t we—”

“Put it back on.” So I can look at you without sickness bubbling in my throat, because there are marks on her chest and stomach that look like her’s, and I don’t want to imagine what’s been done to children like them.

She does so, fumbling with the lace in the back. I stand by the door and wait for her to finish to look.

“No,” I say. “I’m not going to touch you. We’re not doing anything.”

“But then—” She looks down at herself. “But then what are we doing?”

I can hear the fear in her voice. Men have done worse, I think, than touching this girl. None of those marks on her were owned.

“We’re talking.” I slip away from the usual commandment I use in my voice, into the tone I use with Charlie. “I have some questions.”

“Oh, you want me to answer them like someone else, right?” She smiles a little, eyes hazy, as if she’s proud of herself for figuring it out. “You want us to play pretend before you—”

“Answer as yourself.” I look away again, swallowing hard. “Tell me the truth, and I’ll pay you.”

She shrugs. “I don’t get any money. He does. I have to give it all away to him, but if I’m good, maybe he lets me buy some new clothes.”

“Who’s ‘he?’” I cross my arms and lean back against the door, as far away from her as I can be.

“He says for me to call him my dad. So… I guess my dad?”

“Do you know his name?”

She shakes her head. A small barrier, one that we can easily get around.

“What’s your name, then?” It comes out gruffer than I meant.

“Hollis.” She smiles again, still small, still not meeting her dead eyes. “The regulars call me Holly because they like it better.”

“Hollis,” I say. “Where do you go when you’re not here?”

“I’m not allowed to tell you that.” Her smile falls and she looks away, dark hair falling over her eyes, a shelter.

“I won’t tell anyone.” It’s not a lie. “You’d be allowed to tell me.”

I’ve learned through Charles that children like exclusivity. Anything limited-time or called special appeals to them. That includes people. I set myself apart from the other men who use her and she, in turn, gives me something that I need.

She frowns, but speaks slowly. “It depends…”

“Depends?” I push a little, needing more.

“Depends on whether it’s my dad or another man who takes me home. Sometimes they like me overnight.”

“When it’s your dad, where do you go?”

“His flat. There are other dads there, too, with their girls. A lot of them are older than me, though, so…” Her eyes slide shut and she lays back on the filthy, stained bed.

“When you’re at his flat, what other buildings do you see?”

Her eyes open and her brow furrows. “Why do you want to know?”

I shrug, playing it off. “Trying to picture it in my head.”

She nods and stares up at the ceiling, her hands on her concave stomach. “There’s like… a movie theater, but no one ever goes in it. And there’s lots of other flats around with people we don’t know. Sometimes we use the movie theater for other girls when we run out of room. No one bothers us. It’s kind of nice. Like a sleepover.”

“How long have you been with your dad, then?”

“I don’t know, I guess a few months?”

Children must be made of clay. Moldable bits of creativity spawned by the people around them. An adult would never adjust so quickly to a life of abuse the way Hollis has. Thing about clay is, in large amounts, it’s impossible to break through. Used to slow us down in the tunnels. This girl, like everything else malleable, is haunted by the shape she used to take. I wonder, then, what hope she has. I decide to ask.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” I pull the box of cigarettes out and light one.

Her eyes flick over to me. “Can I have one?”

“No. You’re too young,” I say on reflex. Charlie asks, and that’s the answer I give him. It doesn’t feel right to say to her, who has lived enough pain to last lifetimes in mere months.

Her brow furrows but she doesn’t argue. “I wanted to be with animals. Like an animal doctor or something.”

I take a drag, let the dry smoke fill my lungs, familiar, then exhale slowly. “You say ‘wanted.’”

“Yeah, well.” She gestures at herself. “I got another job now, and Dad says it’s not gonna end til I’m older and can’t do it anymore.”

There’s some kind of bile rising in my throat that I can’t swallow down. I take another pull of the cigarette. “Tell you what. There’s a woman I know who had your job, and she has horses. Twelve of ‘em. She’s a fucking fighter, beautiful, and bloody smart. You hold your head up, and you’ll see those horses some day. I’ll bring you to them.”

She looks up at me, eyes wider than before. “Really? I can— I can give you— I can use my—”

“No, you don’t give me anything. You get yourself through this and I’ll take you to the horses. That’s the deal. We’re conducting business, Hollis, you understand?” I take a small step towards her and she shrinks back, hand going to the low v-line of her dress. I stop and look away.

“I understand.” She stands and looks at me, smoothing her dress down her thin body. “Dad says I’ll be nothing if I’m not with him.”

“You’ll be something with or without him.” I hear her words in Hollis’, the fear of not being enough without sex. My heart twists. I validated that fear myself. “You’re worth something either way. You hear me? You’re more than these men make you think.”

She nods, gaze dropping to her feet. I reach into my pocket and pull out the amount I’d seen the others pay.

She looks at it, then up at me. “That’s too much.”

I raise an eyebrow, holding it out.

“I’ll get in trouble if Dad finds out this wasn’t what I normally do. Here.” She takes the money, takes half, and hands the rest back to me. “There. Now he won’t know.”

“Now he won’t know.” I manage a weary smile.

“What’s your name?”

“Cain.” It’s the first thing to come to mind.

She smiles back. “Thank you, Cain.”

And then she’s gone, out of the room, past the bartender, and into the back room. I’m left in an empty room. When I look back, I notice for the first time that there are chains on the bed frame. I take a breath, pulling myself together, and walk out without another glance at the bartender.

—

When I return to Arrow House, I find her working in the stables. There’s dirt smeared across her shirt and sweat dripping down her neck. She’s putting Iris back in his stall, likely her last horse of the day, considering the sun is slowly crawling down the sky. I stand at the mouth of the barn and watch her in silence.

This woman is tougher than I will ever be. This I know. This I have seen. And I’m in awe of her. If it were me I wouldn’t be able to look at a man. I wouldn’t be able to live in the same house as one. I would be at a loss for trust and turned away from the idea of love, of respect, because the world had shown me none. I would wonder constantly why the universe didn’t love me back.

I’m lost in the insignificance of myself as I watch her wipe sweat from her forehead. Maybe I’m only passing through her life, a blip in the wildness of running and running and running. Maybe I’m a moment waiting to pass for her, and maybe I’m her forever. I won’t know until she tells me. I wonder if in some past life, we crossed paths. I am not a religious man, but I have to believe I have been without her for far, far too long.

For her, I will be brave. I will learn to let someone see the war torn parts of myself and still look her in the eye afterward. I will refuse to follow the instinct to send away, to abandon, to refuse. This is a promise I make to myself, that I will be better, I’ll be the man she thinks I am.

She notices me and a smile flickers across her face like a candle flame. She does not run to me. She does not grin and wave. Just a small acknowledgement. I see you. I am glad you’re back. That is enough. To be seen. Maybe, all my life, I have been looking just to be seen by someone. Forget being devoured. Forget love with teeth and savagery. This, right here, this is what I’ve been wanting. She sees me. She knows who I am, and still she smiles when I appear. She knows I kill, and so does she. She knows I lie, and so, sometimes, does she. She knows I was in pain, she knows I still am, and so is she.

She knows I was a soldier. I fought, and so did she.

Except there are no child soldiers. Only child victims.

#only the wild ones #tommy shelby #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders imagine #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby imagine #peaker blinders fandom #peaky blinder imagine #tommy shelby fanfic #thomas shelby x y/n #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby fanfic #peaky fucking blinders #peaky blinders fanfic

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jaskierx · 4 months

Note

Not much to say other than the fact that the line “Clean up your own fucking mess I’m not doing it. I’ve been doing it all my fucking life.” from izzy really rubs me the wrong way. I was doing a rewatch today and it made me flinch internally, probably because I know his fans are just gonna take that line and run with it. But I do wonder if I’d feel the same way about it if his fans didn’t act like that… too tired to think too hard about this lol I just needed to rant

it absolutely fucks me up. like there's so much there. so many of ed's reasons for wanting to die can be traced back to izzy and izzy has threatened ed's life and now when ed is standing with his hands up and has given izzy a reason to kill him and etc etc, izzy refuses and refers to ed killing himself as 'cleaning up his mess' and treats him like a burden he's been carrying this whole time

izzy is ed's emotionally unavailable father figure. ed has been going to him for approval over and over again (starting as early as asking izzy to find stede and showing him the clouds and the teeny tiny ship in s1) and has been denied every fucking time. izzy has made it abundantly clear that he thinks very little of ed's true self. he doesn't connect with ed on the level that ed tries to connect with him. he controls him and betrays him and threatens him and says he'd be better off dead. over and over again he makes it clear to ed that the message is 'act in the way that i want you to act, or you will not be safe from me'.

and ed asks for one final act of help, to end his life, willingly giving izzy the power over ed that he's been taking through manipulation this entire time, and izzy insults him and refuses.

it's such a fucking cruel line. it's such a horribly good example of their dynamic. i'm chewing and gnawing on them both

and your point about the fandom is so painfully accurate. there's so much that happened in s2 where my first response was 'fuck me they're going to be insufferable about this' and well. [gestures vaguely at everything] yeah

#asks #anon #the izcourse #fandom critical #cw suicide

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simplyholl · 6 months

Text

Although I was a constant lurker for months, today marks my one year as a Loki writer. It has been so fun whoring out with all of you. There have been too many laughs to count. By some miracle, I’ve reached a little over 1,000 followers. I’m shook that so many of you are interested in partaking in my wildest fantasies. But I am so thankful for all of you. If you have read, liked, commented, or reblogged anything - thank you from the bottom of my heart! I love reading every wild thing you have to say about these scenes I’ve created.

Sometimes I will just sit there and read your comments over and over in complete shock that my words would elicit such responses. I am so thankful for our little corner of the internet where we can unashamedly be ourselves. We all have different backgrounds, cultures, and lives but we can all agree we just want our favorite god to dick us down.

I’ve made lifelong friends from doing this, and I would’ve never met them otherwise.

@lokisgoodgirl Thank you for giving me the kick in the cooch I needed to start posting my writing. I would have none of this, if it wasn’t for you. Your words of encouragement mean everything to me. Thank you for being my tech expert for the first little bit. I would never give anyone else my login info. You’ve helped me get through some of the toughest times of my life and I am forever grateful for your friendship. I love listening to your voice notes. Your “Good morning” always puts a smile on my face. I hope we can meet in person one day, although I can’t promise that I would keep my hands to myself. I love you endlessly.

@wheredafandomat I only met you at the end of January, but it feels like I have known you my whole life. Is it possible for two people to share the same brain? Because I’m sure that we do. You can make a 2 hour phone call feel like 5 minutes. I’m lucky to have you in my life. My frequent collaborator and birthday twin - I love you so much.

I couldn’t think of a celebration that I wanted to do, but I wanted to share some of my favorite comments over the course of my time on here.

#burdened with a glorious manhood

-@coldnique

The threat to use his vibranium hand to do the choking was just the cherry on top of my death day cake. This is a filthy masterpiece

- @joyful-enchantress

Well spank me sideways, this went from O-deranged in 2.5 seconds AND I'M NOT MAD ABOUT IT

- @thedistractedagglomeration

Ohhhhhh he talks her out of her hero panties and in to his heart

- @cakesandtom

"sit on his face darling" l'm not gonna survive another paragraph I swear to god.this is too much in the best way

- @lokisgoodgirl

The thought of being an avenger and having Loki fuck you senseless is stupid hot, but add into it him talking about making you carry his secret sex baby and still be an avenger is 🔥🔥🔥

- @itsybitchylittlewitchy

Take that you little shit! I am so glad he saw them together and still mounted at that!

- @silver-tongue-taken-to-bed

I mean it's a fitting description after all the devil is tempting and so is Lokis dick

- @fictive-sl0th

You had me at President Loki and biting!

- @marygoddessofmischief

should have really realized that it was you, my dear, who wrote this!

- @smolvenger

I don't need legs, l'll just drag myself around.

- @goblingirlsarah

Spelling his....spelling his name.. ☠️☠️

- @lokisgoodgirl

absolute genius. i read the part about considering staying with him even if just for the sex and i was like "YOU GO Y/N GO GET THAT MULTIVERSAL ASGARDIAN DICK"

- @muddyorbsblr

Yeah Narfi you little bitch. Take that!

- @wheredafandomat

This was so naughty!!! When the vacuum fell and he was like, "fuck it" then continues to pound you harder!!! 🥵🥵🥵

- @mochie85

I neeeed a tall Loki to be my coworker for the job I don't have so he can fuck me in the storage closet

- @wheredafandomat

The best part of waking up is Bucky & Loki in your cup!! WAY better than Folgers.

- @km-ffluv

IT WAS PHENOMENAL. would have tears in my eyes with how proud I am if I wasn't so horny

- @lokisgoodgirl

Just for fun,

If anyone wants to give it a re-read, here’s the first fic I posted.

Snowed In

And this is actually the first thing I wrote

Across the Multiverse

It’s been a great year. I can’t wait to share more horny, unhinged, wild fantasies with you in the next one.

All my love,

-Holly 💚🖤

#loki #loki fanfic #loki laufeyson #loki fanfiction #loki fandom

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imyourbratzdoll · 2 years

Note

Hi can you write Chris angst with happy ending, where the reader is younger than him and not from the US, Chris and reader have a fight and he says something he didn't mean, bc the reader didn't have anyone to go to so she went to chris' mom's house and tell her about the fight. Thank youu!

hello! I hope you enjoy this, this was probably the longest thing I've written as well, haha. thank you for sending it in!

warning - angst, happy ending.

the gif I use isn't mine, dividers by @newlips and @firefly-graphics

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While Chris is away at work, I usually stay at his house, which he says is mine. I make sure it’s spotless before he comes home. I look after Dodger and take him for walks. When I know Chris will be home, there’s always a hot plate of food ready for him and a nice cold beer. I have to admit. It was hard to get acquainted in a country I didn’t know that well. I was thankful for Lisa as she helped a lot.

The hardest thing about dating a well-known actor was the fans once they found out I was much younger than Chris. It was on, they’d try and make my life a living hell, and they made sure it was known I wasn’t deserving of a man like Chris Evans. But to them, no woman was unless it was themselves.

Chris has been distant lately. We used to talk all the time while he worked. Facetime, calls, texts. You name it, and we did it. But recently, he’s stopped. I receive one-word answers now and no good morning or goodnight texts, no I love you’s during the day. Just nothing…

Today, I cleaned the whole house, took Dodger to his usual dog park, fed him and made dinner. Making myself look presentable for Chris. The front door slams open as I finally sit down and start a movie while cuddling Dodger. An irritated Chris storms through, and he places his things down before turning towards me. A sneer appears on his face.

“So this is what you do all day? Just sit on your ass and watch tv?” Ignoring what I’m about to say, he stalks over to the kitchen and swings open the fridge door, grabbing a beer before popping the cap off and gulping most of it down. I slowly get up, feeling my chest tighten at his words. No hug, no gentle greeting. Just bitterness, like black coffee without the milk and sugar.

I give Dodger a small pat before heading into the kitchen, where Chris is drinking a second beer, leaning against the counter and glaring at the hot food on the stove. I nervously pick at my nails, carefully walking towards Chris and placing a soft hand on his arm. My mouth opens as I’m about to speak, but Chris’s head snaps toward me, and the harsh glare on his face causes me to flinch back.

“Can’t you just fuck off already?! You’re always fucking here! Always fucking texting and calling me! You’re so fucking clingy. You called me during work and interrupted a scene! You sit around here all day and do fucking nothing! I do all the fucking work, and I can’t even come home and get a fucking break!”

“I–I…” I try to blink away, the tears forming. Chris backs me into the table as his harsh words pierce through me. Spit flying from how angry he is.

“You– you what?! Huh?! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I can’t even feel my heart breaking as I take off. I don’t see Dodger running into the room and practically tackling his dad whilst barking. Everything is a blur, and I quickly run out of the house, not even daring to take a car, as that’ll just add to Chris’s hatred.

I’ve been running for a while, not knowing where I’d end up as I didn’t have anyone. My feet managed to take me to Lisa’s house, and I anxiously waited at the front door after knocking, thinking that maybe coming here wouldn’t be a good idea. I mean… What if she hates me too? What if I’m just a burden and I should just leave and never turn back, but before I can turn and try and find my way, the door opens.

“Y/n?” Lisa’s eyes widen at the sight of me before quickly ushering me in. I didn’t even notice I was crying or that my feet were bleeding, “oh dear, what happened?” I’m so spaced out that I don’t notice her leading me over to the couch and sitting me down. As Lisa returns with hot chocolate, a blanket is wrapped around my shivering form. Once she sets it down, she looks me over and takes my hand.

My mouth opens and closes for a while as I try to find the words. “I– uh, Chris… He came home….” I slowly take a sip of the drink in my hand, even though my stomach is in knots, and I feel like I’ll throw up at any minute. Lisa patiently waits for me to continue, knowing I need some time for my head to wrap around all of it. “He’s been distant lately and– and he came home, said something about how I do nothing all day, and then, he disappeared to the kitchen. Already two beers in when I reached him….” I break out into a sob. Lisa’s hand connects with my back and gives it a rub.

“He– he, uh, said a lot of things… Mean things, and he told me to get out, so I ran, and this is where I ended up. I’m so sorry, Lisa. I’m bothering you.” I go to stand, but she quickly pushes me down before giving me a motherly hug.

“You’re never a bother, dear. My son shouldn’t have said or reacted like this, and I’m sorry for how he’s treated you. Now come on, let’s run you a bath and then you can sleep in the guest bedroom.” She stands, holding her hand out, and once I grab it, she leads me to the guest room before she heads into the bathroom, running the bath for me. Once she thinks it’s perfect, she comes out and informs me, and I head in. I strip down and hand her my clothes before relaxing in the tub.

As I sit there, the day catches up to me. A tear falls, and then another, until a full sob leaves my lips. I place my head into my hands at the feeling of heartbreak. My hand runs down my face. The stress of it all is visible on my face. I’m broken out of my daze when there’s a knock on the door, “I’ve placed a clean pair of clothes on the bed. If you need anything else, don’t hesitate to ask, dear.” I mutter a thank you, deciding to get out and sleep the pain away.

I dried off and changed into the clean clothes put out for me before crawling under the covers, regretting sleep as my night was filled with nightmares. Waking up every two hours, sweat covering my forehead as a new nightmare has appeared. Soon the sun rose, and so did I, even more exhausted than I was before, slowly rising from the bed and pushing the covers off of me. I leave the room and head down to where Lisa is.

I stand in the doorway, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I wish her a good morning. She spins, and her eyes widen at my state before she rushes over, “oh dear.” Her arms wrap tightly around me, I want to cry, but it feels like there’s nothing left. “Come, sit. I’ve made breakfast.” For a while, we talk and get things done around the house. It’s around the afternoon when we hear a knock on the door. Lisa lays a hand on my knee, excusing herself before going toward the front door.

My heart starts to race as I hear his voice. He seems to be pleading with his mother. I slowly stand before making my way over there, placing a gentle hand on Lisa’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Lisa, thank you.” She looks at me, and I nod, turning toward Chris as she leaves. His appearance is horrible, bags under his eyes, his eyes are bloodshot and puffy, and tears are rolling down his face.

“What do you want?” My arms cross, knowing I look just as horrible as him. His heart breaks even more at the sight. He goes to reach out, but I flinch away, and Chris feels his world shatter.

“I– I made a mistake. I’m so sorry. I wasn’t in the right, and I took it out on you, baby. I’m so so sorry. Please forgive me.” At this point, big fat tears were leaving his pretty blue eyes. He continues to plead, beg, anything and everything, but my heart hurts too much to forgive him.

“I, uhm… think we should take a break for a while. It hurts too much to forgive you right now….” I bite my lip hard, trying not to break out into tears. “I’ll come to pick my things up later….” Chris’s mouth drops open as he begs for this not to happen, but my mind has been made up. The distance was one thing that went on for months, but the fight that’s what pushed this.

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Chris watches as Y/n packs all of her things, both hearts breaking. Chris regretted everything the minute the words left his mouth, hell, even when he was distancing himself. Dodger hasn’t come close to him since then, but the moment the dog saw you, he was all over you, licking you and giving you attention. He hasn’t left your side since. Chris felt his world slipping through his fingers.

God, he wished that he had talked to you. He wished he talked about how stressed he was instead of distancing himself, and he wished that he didn’t let his co-workers or fans get to his head about how you were much younger than him, that you were taking him for granted. That one day, you’d look at him and realise you could do so much better, god. Chris wished he could go back and slap himself for being so stupid.

Once you got everything, you started to head out the door. You were saying a long goodbye to Dodger before you stood and looked at Chris. You get on your tippy toes and place a gentle kiss on his cheek, pulling back and looking into his eyes. “I will always love you, and I’m sorry it had to end this way.”

A tear fell from the pair's eyes as one lover walked away from the other, not knowing they wouldn’t meet again for another couple of months.

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During the time they were apart, Chris retired and decided to give therapy a try. Every day, he regrets it, choosing to spend time with family, not once looking for a relationship because he felt a piece of him was missing. Right now, Chris was at the store picking up some food. His relationship with Dodger took some time to heal.

Y/n, well. She decided to go back home for a while, needing to be around her family as she was so heartbroken. Just recently, she moved back to Boston because even though being with her family was lovely, she felt as though Boston was her home, but she still was missing a piece of her. Right now, she’s at the store because her fridge is empty.

The two soulmates didn’t realise they’d meet again.

Y/n goes to reach for a tub of ice cream, and at the same time, so does Chris. Their hands touch and they quickly jerk them away.

“Sorry”

“No– no, I’m sorry.”

Brows furrowed as the voice sounded familiar. They turned to look at each other, and that feeling of emptiness was suddenly filled when their eyes locked. Chris’s face goes red as he gestures to the ice cream, and Y/n grabs it whilst also grabbing another and carefully handing it to him.

They stand awkwardly for a moment, both trying to figure out the right thing to say.

“So… How’ve you been?” Y/n decides to start it off simple, feeling her heart hurt from how much she’s missed him, not the him she unfortunately saw but the one she fell in love with.

“Yeah, good, good. I– uh, retired and started therapy. How have you been?” Chris rubs the back of his neck as Y/n’s eyes widen.

“You retired?” He nods, explaining that he thinks it was time and that he’s been spending more time with his family. “I’ve– uhm. I’ve been good. I decided to move back, as you can see.” They and everyone else can feel the awkward tension, the ex-couple not knowing how to react.

Chris clears his throat before gesturing, “well– it was good seeing you, I should.” Y/n nods, agreeing. They start to separate ways for the second time, and god, is it heartbreaking for the two. At the same time, they turn and face one another before their items are dropped, and they move toward each other, Chris opening his arms and scooping her up as their lips meet.

It looks like something out of a movie to outsiders but to these two. It was like the piece that was missing was finally found.

They pull back for air, and their eyes are full of tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m such a fucking idiot. I never stopped loving you, and I should’ve talked to you instead of being an ass.” Y/n wipes the tear that falls from his eyes. Leaning forward, she places another kiss against his lips.

“I forgave you a long time ago, bubs, and I did say I will always love you.” We stare into each other’s eyes for a while until we both break out into laughter.

“We’ve become one of those cheesy romance movies, haven’t we?”

“Yeah, yeah, we have.”

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thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

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phosphorusab · 1 year

Text

Things that I liked about Ricky Potts being an explicitly disabled character (because rewriting him as able bodied with curable PTSD, because people don’t want to see/work with real disabled people onstage is fucking stupid)

1. Him being disabled should’ve been an opportunity for other disabled actors, who often don’t get a chance to shine in big roles. It’s also kinda weird to suggest that one’s disabilities will disappear when they go to the afterlife, as if they wouldn’t be allowed in if they didn’t. Karnak letting Ricky speak/sing was important, but removing his crutches/wheelchair is just erasing the fact that Ricky was disabled in his life.

(Also, when Karnak was going over Ricky’s life, I’m pretty sure the characters casted as Ricky’s parents made random hand gestures instead of actual ASL or LSQ. I find it bizarre that the Potts family would just make up a whole new language, rather than learn ASL/LSQ with Ricky when he lost his ability to speak.)

I could totally see some really creative and neat choreography with crutches or a wheelchair. Hell, Glee fucking did that with an able bodied actor. There are literally people who do dancing tricks with crutches out there, why can’t they do that on stage? It honestly shows a lack of creativity.

2. While all the other Ricky’s were very talented, there was a big difference between how Yannick Mirko portrayed him and how the able bodied Ricky’s did. I noticed that some of the able bodied Ricky’s portrayed him as very nervous, soft spoken, passive and genteel, almost to the point of woobiefication.

Yannick Mirko’s Ricky was none of those things. His Ricky was very sassy and charismatic (which makes sense for Space Age Bachelor Man, now that he got to express his thoughts out loud) and did not take any shit from Ocean.

3. Speaking of Ocean, I think that Ricky being disabled really showed Ocean’s true colors- casual cruelty and literal eugenicist ideals in What The World Needs (Ocean is arguably the character who goes through the most growth in the show).

Ocean is a character that pretends she’s all woke and stuff, but her core philosophy is social Darwinism. Her song demonstrated to the audience that she was not only better than the rest of her peers, but that she was the only choir member fit enough to live. In the song, Ocean mentions that Ricky didn’t deserve to survive the crash because of his (in the original script) degenerative disease, so reviving him would be a waste.

Despite her true feelings about how her life should be prioritized over Ricky because he was disabled, she made a big deal about adding him to the choir despite his mutism, using him as a prop to make the choir look more “inclusive”.

She also constantly infantilizes Ricky for being disabled, and was at first disgusted that “sweet little Ricky Potts” had sexual desires and enjoyed porn. One thing I noticed when Yannick Mirko was Ricky, is that he visibly did not like Ocean, unlike the Ricky’s of the past who seemed to be afraid of her. Mirko’s Ricky would give Ocean attitude, talk back to her- and I remember this one moment where Ocean pushed Ricky around in his wheelchair without asking, causing Ricky to be visibly irked and freaked out.

Ocean is always shown to be in the wrong. So the lesson the audience *should* learn from her is to not treat disabled people as a burden on others and to not infantilize them, they are adults with the same needs, interests and sexual desires as able bodied people.

4. Yannick Mirko being cast as Ricky should have set a positive precedent for other disabled actors. Instead, it seemed like the opposite happened. It just goes to show how shallow and cruel the theatre world is to disabled actors. As an actor with a chronic illness that causes lots of pain and fatigue, I can do literally everything my able bodied castmates can do- I just would need some accommodations and support. I’ve had that before, it’s literally not that hard to be accommodating. But some people see people with a health issue and think that they are such a burden to work with.

A new layer of irony has been added to Ocean’s line, “Accessibility for All 🥺”.

And it really stings.

#ride the cyclone #ricky potts #ocean oconnell rosenberg #the amazing karnak #save ricky potts #yannick mirko

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dialovers-translations · 8 months

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Diabolik Lovers CHAOS LINEAGE ー Subaru [11]

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Monologue

We fled from the Scarlet Manor,

with Subaru-kun carrying me in his arms.

I interlocked our fingers tightly,

so I definitely would not let go of his hand.

In correspondence to my actions,

Subaru-kun strongly squeezed down on my hand.

And so we aimlessly dashed forward.

To a place where we could stay somewhat hidden,

now that we had nowhere to go in this World.

ー The scene shifts to an abandoned house

Subaru: Where are we?

Yui: I didn’t think we’d stumble upon an abandoned building over here.

Subaru: We should have made it far enough. I’m putting you down.

Yui: Yeah, thanks.

*Thud*

Subaru: ...I can’t sense any Familiars around this area. Although we still can’t let our guard down.

Yui: I guess we should be fine for now? Shall we head inside and rest up? I’m worried about your injuries as well.

Subaru: ...Might be best not to go inside.

Yui: Why not?

Subaru: We won’t be able to run if somethin’ happens, right? It’s not like we’ll stay here forever anyway.

We’re being targeted by the Scarlet and Orange houses, and obviously the Violet House as well.

We have to go somewhere a lil’ more safe than this worn-down shed...

Yui: ...

Subaru: Hah. This whole situation is a fuckin’ joke. We can’t trust anyone at this point. It doesn’t matter if they’re my brothers or not.

They’re all after me since they’ve got a personal vendetta ‘gainst me for stealin’ Eve away.

But isn’t that perfect? I guess I shouldn’t be relyin’ on anyone else’s help to protect my precious girl.

Yui: I don’t think so! It isn’t a crime to rely on others. Although it might be difficult this time around...

Subaru: ...I wonder.

Yui: ( We truly can’t trust anyone...I guess it only makes sense to feel that way after Reiji-san tricked us like that. )

What should we do about your injuries? The wounds opened up again after what happened earlier, didn’t they?

Subaru: They didn’t. Don’t worry.

Yui: Please, Subaru-kun. Don’t act tough in front of me.

I’m afraid that you’ll crumble under the pressure of trying to burden everything by yourself, only so I wouldn’t have to worry.

Subaru: You...

Selection

→ Because I don’t see a way out of this (🖤)

Yui: Now that we’re stuck being pursued by everyone while still completely unaware as to why all of this is happening...

I’m just anxious because I don’t see a way out of this. Like how much longer do we have to live like this...?

Subaru: ...Sorry for makin’ you anxious.

Yui: No, that’s not what I meant! I’m not putting the blame on you!

I’m sorry, Subaru-kun. For being this weak-spirited when I’m the one who said you should rely on me.

It just pains me to see you hurt...

→ Because I love you (♡)

Subaru: I just told you I’m fine, didn’t I? I’m a Vampire, so I can easily handle this much.

Yui: You might be okay with the whole situation but...

I love you, so I don’t want the person I like to have to suffer...

I may be powerless, but just like you vowed to protect me,

I also want to look out for you.

Subaru: Is that how you’ve been feeling?

Yui: Hey, would you perhaps be happier without me?

Subaru: Hah? Where does that suddenly come from?

Yui: I mean, even now you’re having to push yourself to run away from everyone, even though it’s my fault that you got injured in the first place.

...If I were to go back to either Carla-san or Reiji-san, and promise to help them out as Eve if they save you, thenーー

Subaru: Cut the crap!

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: Who says you can decide this by yourself!? Do you think you can rescue everyone if you just put yourself second!? Aah!?

I can’t believe you’re still keepin’ up with the whole goody-two-shoes act. Fuck that!

Yui: That wasn’t my intention...

Subaru: I’ve told you countless times, haven’t I!? Without you, I don’t even care ‘bout livin’ anymore.

*Rustle*

Subaru: Fuck, why don’t you just get it!? I’ve long made up my resolve that I’ll spend my life with you.

Yui: ...!?

Subaru: I don’t care what happens to me. I refuse to hand you over, no matter what happens...

ー Subaru embraces her

*Rustle*

Yui: Subaru-kun...

Subaru: I don’t want to lose the girl I’m holdin’ in my arms right now...!

That’s why, ...ow.

Yui: ...Ah, your injuries...Are you alright? Don’t push yourself.

( I can tell by his expression that he’s in pain after all. He’s acting strong, but his wounds actually hurt a lot, don’t they? )

( Isn’t he just being stubborn because he doesn’t want to cause me any worries...? )

Subaru: Fuck. Why does it have to hurt this much when all I did was embrace you...

I can’t do jack-shit like this. I won’t stand a chance if I have to fight with those guys...!

Yui: ( I’m sorry, Subaru-kun. ...If only I wasn’t here... )

Subaru: What am I supposed to do!?

*Woosh*

Subaru: ...What’s this light!?

What happened?

???: ...

Yui: A sphere of light?

Subaru: The fuck’s this thing? Is somethin’ fucked up ‘bout to happen again...?

Socrates: My name is Socratesーー

Subaru: Uwah! It talked! Yui, stay behind me!

Socrates: What a noble man you are. You try to protect Eve despite being covered in injuries already?

It would seem that my experiment is headed in an interesting direction. I do not want to let this opportunity slip by.

Subaru: Experiment...?

Yui: What exactly do you mean? Who are you?

Socrates: It is not necessary for you to know me. However, I suppose I can tell you that I am the one who knows the secrets behind this World.

Yui: ( He knows how this World works... )

Excuse me, how come this is happening to us!? Also, where are we!?

Socrates: This is a closed-off World, created through magic. You may think of it as a miniature garden.

And as long as you remain inside of this World, your memories should have not come back.

Subaru: As long as we remain inside, you say? So in other words...

Socrates: Yes. If you can somehow make it out, everything will be as before. The altered memories will go back to normal.

However, seeing as the two of you were able to remember regardless.

I suppose it is possible for one’s memories to be regained through some kind of outer stimulus.

That was a blunder on my part. I shall take it into account for future experiments.

Subaru: Future, you say...? Fuck off.

Fess up, you bastard! Since you know that much, I bet you’re the one who gathered us here, right!?

Why did you do this!?

Socrates: ...

Subaru: Che...Speak up!!

*Woosh*

Subaru: ...What...?

Yui: You can’t hit him...

Socrates: Physical attacks have no effect on me. You cannot even touch me.

If you fight, then you will have to fight against this World itself, not me.

Subaru: Haah?

Socrates: I made this World in a way that if a certain condition is met, it is very easy to destroy it.

Yui: ( I see. So there is a way to escape! )

Could you tell us what that condition is?

Socrates: That would be to sacrifice one of the members inside this World.

Yui: Sacrifice...?

Socrates: All you need to do is choose death yourself. It does not matter how you choose to end your life.

Yui: Choose death, so you mean...?

Subaru: ...Are you bullshittin’ us!? Are you tellin’ us to die!?

Socrates: There is no need for everyone to die. It will only take one life to be sacrificed.

As long as somebody chooses to end their life without being killed by another, the experiment will no longer be able to continue and this World will crumble.

Subaru: Still, you really think we can do that!?

Socrates: In that case, feel free to remain imprisoned in this place where time has stopped forever.

I do not mind that either. All I care about is that I get to watch over your future actions.

ー Socrates disappears

Yui: Ah, he disappeared.

Subaru: Oi, fuck! Wait! We’re not done talkin’ yet!!

Yui: Socrates-san! Why did you come up with something so cruel!?

Like having brothers fight each other, or setting this whole thing up so somebody will have to die, why...?

( We found out how this World works, but this is just too much...! )

( I can’t believe that nobody can be saved unless one person commits suicide. )

( It might be dangerous to take the words of some sphere of light which suddenly popped up for granted. )

( But if there’s no other way, is it worth trying it out...? )

Subaru: Kuh...

Yui: ( Seems like Subaru-kun is having a hard time deciding as well. )

( Of course he is. To willingly end one’s own life...that isn’t something easily done. )

( Isn’t there some other method? A way to destroy his World and all go home together unscathed... )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #subaru sakamaki #chaos lineage #diabolik lovers translation #cldsubaru11

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casanovawrites · 1 year

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the walking dead ↳ season 11c sentence prompts

❝ they don’t have any proof... yet. ❞

❝ stocked with supplies, like you asked. ❞

❝ i need you today. ❞

❝ i’ve heard a lot of stories about when the world fell. there were more dead than the living, and it started to look like the world would go cold. ❞

❝ some people survived by connecting with each other. others gave in to the darkness. ❞

❝ shit is upside down around here. ❞

❝ hope is running low, and the longer we're out here having these debates, the more our families back home are at risk. ❞

❝ this could get ugly. we need to be ready to help these people if it goes sideways. ❞

❝ right now, we got to play the quiet game. ❞

❝ from the beginning, you’ve seen this place for what it is. ❞

❝ you’ve never stood for bullshit. it’s one of your better qualities. ❞

❝ we’ve made it through a lot by knowing when is good to go. ❞

❝ you’re so stubborn. ❞

❝ not one of my better qualities, but you never seemed to mind. ❞

❝ i told you i shouldn’t have come here. ❞

❝ well, i’m here to save your asses. ❞

❝ it’s hard to trust when anyone can go at any time. but the people who die and the people who go aren’t lost forever. ❞

❝ remembering their voices is how we keep them alive. ❞

❝ you never seemed to have a problem with how i got the job done before. ❞

❝ whatever game you’re playing, i’m very much in it. ❞

❝ i never thanked you for saving me. ❞

❝ what about everyone else here? shouldn’t we stay and help them? ❞

❝ you’d rather run away than stay and fight. ❞

❝ my place is here. ❞

❝ you gave me a second chance to do a whole lot more, so that’s what i’m gonna do. ❞

❝ i’m fairly familiar with guilt’s burden. ❞

❝ i got used to feeling like maybe everything would always be the same. ❞

❝ after all this, why shouldn’t we try for something better? thinking like that actually makes me feel good. maybe we could actually change things. ❞

❝ i want us to be safe. ❞

❝ you just wanted to be alone. i get it. i used to have a spot like this when i wanted to hide and not go home. ❞

❝ i don’t mind being alone. sometimes i like it better, gives you time to think. figure things out, i guess. ❞

❝ i don’t know what i’m doing, but i’m trying really hard. ❞

❝ i wish things were like how you want them to be. that’s the way they should be, but they aren’t. ❞

❝ sometimes i wonder if it takes more courage to live or die. ❞

❝ who we are now, the choices we make now, maybe that’s all that matters. ❞

❝ so you don’t know me, i don’t know you, we’re just... we’re strangers, huh? ❞

❝ can you walk? are you okay? ❞

❝ you sure you don’t want to get some rest? ❞

❝ i used to be married once. well, not legally, but yeah. i guess i don’t really talk about it much anymore. ❞

❝ when we met, there was just this instant connection. ❞

❝ loss is inevitable. it always has been. the only thing we can control is when we say yes. ❞

❝ i’m a liability. always have been. relying on others to survive, counting on their courage due to a dearth of my own. ❞

❝ do you think people are born brave or become it? ❞

❝ i took a gamble, and yes, it didn’t go the way i thought. ❞

❝ i don’t want you to leave. ❞

❝ it’s all such a shit show. ❞

❝ fuck that thinking. it could be better too. it should be. ❞

❝ right now, i’m the biggest threat you have. ❞

❝ there isn’t some kind of ‘justice’ waiting around the corner. ❞

❝ sunlight is supposed to be the best disinfectant, right? ❞

❝ what choice do you have? ❞

❝ it’s not acceptance. it’s survival. ❞

❝ there’s always a path. always a way out. ❞

❝ i’ll show you. you don’t trust me, i get it, but i know a way. ❞

❝ it’s okay. i made my choices and my bed. now i must lie in it. ❞

❝ until i find my people, there is no ‘after.’ ❞

❝ what about the kids? are you really going to deny them their only chance for the kind of life we took for granted? ❞

❝ doesn’t the next generation deserve better than the one before? otherwise, what’s the point?❞

❝ sorry, the lights went out. i thought you were right behind me. ❞

❝ that’s all you’re going to get. a chance. it’s more than you deserve. ❞

❝ i won’t make it out there. ❞

❝ you wanna die quick, or you wanna die screaming? ❞

❝ we’re gonna take back our home and make it right. ❞

❝ are you with me? ❞

❝ i’m with you. ❞

❝ i thought i recognized your footsteps. ❞

❝ you know me a little too well. ❞

❝ didn’t we already say goodbye? ❞

❝ this is your redemption. this is your salvation. ❞

❝ i don’t think i can do that - sit tight. ❞

❝ fear can make us do things that bring shame. could also push us into the light. ❞

❝ it was the worst day of my life. ❞

❝ we’re good. we made it. ❞

❝ came to convince you to do the right thing. ❞

❝ sometimes i think it wasn’t even fair to bring my kid into this world. was i being selfish? ❞

❝ you will always try to make the world better for your kid(s), because of them and for them. that’s hope. ❞

❝ this world is broken, but we don’t have to be. ❞

❝ we have to put our shit aside and work together. ❞

❝ this family, my family, would do anything to protect each other. ❞

❝ you’re thinking about what’s after. it’s a good thing. maybe we could all do a little more of that. ❞

❝ society threw you away. you were desperate and mad. i’ve been there. ❞

❝ i shouldn’t have hurt people. shouldn’t have done a lot of things. ❞

❝ i’m not even supposed to be here. the dead came for me, and yet i smile. war came from me, and yet i smile.❞

❝ yet i smile. i try to, anyway. i try. ❞

❝ i don’t want to live out whatever days i got left in bitterness. you know? ❞

❝ you know it happened to me. i made it all right, yeah? ❞

❝ we’re gonna get you through this. ❞

❝ don’t sweat it. you’ve lost enough. ❞

❝ i’m here, i’m here. ❞

❝ we could do more. ❞

❝ you know, people die. cities fall. things just don’t work out. people tell me they do, but they don’t. ❞

❝ i haven’t given up hope. ❞

❝ people are dying. i can’t just stand by. ❞

❝ i want you to pull your shit together, okay? because i’m still right here, and you’re gonna be fine. ❞

❝ i’m fine, like you promised. ❞

❝ i’ll never love anyone like that again. ❞

❝ i can stop wondering if i can ever forgive you, ‘cause i know now... i can’t. ❞

❝ i don’t want to hate you anymore. i don’t want to hurt like that. ❞

❝ i wouldn’t be the person i am today if i hadn’t met you. ❞

❝ i never thought we’d get back to any of this. i had hope, but we’re all very lucky. ❞

❝ it’s not luck. it’s effort. we have a lot to be proud of. ❞

❝ it’s not like we’re never gonna see each other again. ❞

❝ i’m allowed to be a little sad. ❞

❝ you’re my best friend. ❞

❝ you deserve a happy ending, too. ❞

❝ i think about the dead all the time. and about the living, who i lost. ❞

❝ we get to start over. we’re the ones who live. ❞

#ask meme #meme #ask prompts #rp prompts #rp prompt #sentence prompts #sentence meme #twd prompts

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liviareads · 1 year

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Reconciliation w Daniel

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I’ve had this in my drafts for months, Daniel doesn’t get enough love for my liking lol. I do have a prequel if this is liked :)

Daniel kaluuya x Black reader

...

It had been two months since your break up with Daniel, and it was two months of feeling like absolute hell. You thought back to that night and replayed the argument, was it your fault? Did you over react?

Checking yourself over in the mirror, making sure you looked perfect for your man, who you hadn’t seen in over a month. Dating someone who was famous was a challenge but dating Mr Daniel Kaluuya was a whole other level in itself. Oscar winner, a man who kills every role he is in, he was amazing at what he does. But it does come with its downfall. Not seeing him for months on end was the worst, he basically lived in LA when he was filming or doing press, where as you lived in both yours and his hometown of London. It’s not that he wouldn’t invite you to come on his travels with him either, he would but you didn’t want to miss out on work and keeping yours and his places clean. You had cooked for you and him and you made sure his place was all clean and tidy, ready for him to come home too. You missed him so much, you missed his kisses, his hugs, just his touch. You had watched all his recent interviews with Keke and couldn’t help but laugh at them both, it made you miss him so much. And even though you spoke nearly everyday it wasn’t the same like having him in the flesh. He made you aware that he had a fashion show before he made it home to you, which was fine. He was good at letting you know his schedule, however it was coming up till 8pm and still no sign. You was tired as you had been up early to prep for everything, it was a Sunday so work wasn’t an issue but you being an early bird, 8am seen you bright and early. You flicked through Instagram and noticed his little icon on stories pop up, immediately clicking on it you could see he was at an after party. A fire inside you had been lite, you don’t know whether to call him and cuss him out or just wait for him to get back. You chose the latter. 12am he arrived back and at that point you had left his apartment and went back to yours to sleep. The next morning you woke up to numerous missed calls and texts of him apologising, you didn’t bother to reply to any. 10am on the dot there was knock at your door, you opened it to see a huge bouquet of pink roses, your favourite and the man that was the love of your life holding them. “Y/N, I’m so sorry about last night” gosh you missed his voice, and you would have almost crumbled if you didn’t remember how numb you felt. “Daniel I don’t think we should do this anymore.” You never thought them words would come out of your mouth, but after last night you never wanted to feel that disappointment again, you’ve experienced it in the past from prior relationships and you swore to yourself you wouldn’t let it happen again. His face dropped at them words leaving your mouth. “I just don’t think there’s a place for me in your busy life, and I don’t want to feel like a burden” Daniel dropped the flowers and stepped forward, which caused you to take a step back. You could see that crush his heart even more, which you never wanted to do. “You’re not a burden y/n I fucked up. I should have come home to you or even called you-.” “It’s fine” you had nothing else to say but goodbye.

That was two months ago, you tried your best to distract yourself by doing such things as going to the gym, going out with friends. The usual. Yet nothing really helped as when you got that alone time to yourself, you were sat there wondering what was he doing, how he was.

Butterflies lingered in your stomach as you knew today was a day you would possibly have to see Daniel. It was the baby shower of your best friend and also Daniel’s best friend, and you two happened to be picked as God parents. You were kinda hoping he had a work commitment which meant he wasn’t able to make it but you knew it was highly unlikely.

You finished off your hair and gave yourself a once over, from the corner of your eye you could see the present you picked out for the couple. You’d always hoped you would have Daniel’s baby, you guys spoke about it quite regular. You told yourself to shake the sadness and enjoy the day.

It didn’t take you long in an Uber to get to the venue, upon arrival you couldn’t believe how cute the place was decorated, as it was a baby shower it was also a gender reveal, so the colour scheme was brown.

“Hey wifey!” You called out to your very pregnant best friend Aaliyah. She was wearing a tight fitted brown maxi dress which hit every curve but hit her bump too. She made pregnancy look amazing.

“Hey bitch you’re finally here!” She pulled you in for a hug, and as she did that your eyes made their way across the room and directly at Daniel. He was dressed in a black shirt and trousers, he looked so sexy.

Luckily he didn’t see you but you know he was bound too at one point or another. You carried on chatting away with Aaliyah when her partner Buck (that was no his real name but we called him that)

“Hello stranger” He pulled you in for a hug and as he did, Daniel wasn’t far behind him. Staring you down with them piercing eyes. He always knew how to hold good eye contact. You pulled away from the hug before giving Daniel a small smile and quick hello. He did the same back.

Talk about cutting the tension with a knife. This was your que to make a b line for the bar. You stood against there bar leaning both elbows on it, when you felt his presence and signature scent beside you.

“You look nice” Do not crumble.

“So do you.” You replied back, you turned your body to look at him. The awkward silence stopped once the bartender asked me for my order. Before I could say the drink I wanted, Daniel cut me and off and said my exact order for me.

“Thanks but you didn’t have to do that” you said as you gave him a small smile which he returned back. There was an awkward silence between you both before he broke it.

“What do you think the baby will be?” Daniel asked

“A girl I think.” That answer put a big smile on Daniel’s face

“I think so too.” You returned the smile back before picking up your drink off the bar.

“I’m going to mingle, see you later” I had to save myself before the conversation I was dreading came up. Being in his presence again had got you thinking that maybe you definitely overreacted, he was good guy.

The baby shower got busier and it had gotten to the point where all your girlfriends had gathered together for a catch up on the balcony of the venue which overlooked central London.

“So Y/N your man is here, you not going to patch things up with him?.” Your friend Rachael spoke

“Haven’t really thought about it.” You was 3 drinks in and each sip made you want to go up to Daniel and just kiss him, but you knew that would be the alcohol talking, or was it?

“You know you love him, don’t block your blessings bitch!” Another one of your girlfriends practically shouted which caused you to pull the ‘shut the fuck up’ face. Last thing you needed was him hearing this conversation

You could see him across the way on the balcony talking to his friends, you could see him glancing from time to time only because you was doing the same. Fuck

The couple announced that the gender reveal would be starting in 10 minutes which made people start retreating back into the venue, you and Rachael carried on talking on the balcony

“Y/N can I talk to you?” You turned around to see Daniel standing behind you.

“You can take my seat” Rachael said standing up, before walking away she gave me the look basically telling me don’t fuck this up

Daniel was now sitting across from me, the sun was slowly setting but it was still reflecting off his perfect chocolate skin.

“I’m gonna jump right in and say it. I miss you, I miss you a fucking lot Y/N.” A lump formed in your thought, part of you wanted this conversation to happen, another part didn’t.

“Daniel-.” Before you could finish he cut you off

“I know what I did was selfish, I should have called that night, when I got back to my apartment and you weren’t there, I knew I fucked up. I’m still trying to find this whole balance thing out, but I know one thing that is true is that I don’t want to have to make you apart of that balance. I want you to have my full attention.”

“No Daniel, I should apologise. I know what comes with your career and I know things like that may happen. I overreacted. I knew I did a few days after but my pride wouldn’t allow me to tell you-.” Your eyes began to water but you couldn’t allow the tears to fall, not in a public place like this

Daniel could see this and pulled you into him for a hug, his signature scent hit your nose. Oh how you missed that scent. Pulling away from him, it allowed you two to be inches apart, looking into his eyes, you gave him the signal to go ahead and do it. And he did

Your lips clashed onto his and it was like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You cupped the one side of his face and allowed yourself to fall deeper into the kiss. If you wasn’t where you currently were, you would have jumped on him

“Are you guys coming-.” The sound of Rachael’s voice caused you both to pull away fast. She looked at you both with an approving look before turning on her heels and walking back into the party.

You both looked at each other and laughed. “You coming in with me?” Daniel stood up and reached out his hand to you. I think that kiss was the confirmation that you have your man back

“No. I don’t want to steal the couple’s limelight tonight, I think we should keep it quiet for tonight?” He nodded in agreement, you still took his hand as it helped you stand up from your seat.

You pulled your lipstick and lipgloss out of your bag and made sure your face didn’t give any indication that the kiss happened. You could see him staring from the corner of your eye, turning your head you looked at him before sticking your tongue out which caused him to laugh

“You go in first and I walk round the other door and slip in from the back” he said and you nodded in agreement. You walked into the venue and luckily no one noticed

“There you are!” Aaliyah called out, she waved for you to come closer to her, at this moment they were getting ready to announce the gender through confetti cannons. No over the top reveal over here

You could see Daniel making his way through the crowd, he then walked over to buck’s side. You both looked at each other at the same time, he winked at you which to hope no one seen.

The couple grabbed the confetti cannons as the crowd counted down from 10. It got to 1 and off went be cannons, and out came the pink confetti. Myself along with everyone else were jumping for joy. I knew it was a girl.

You hugged your best friend before hugging her partner. Daniel stood right behind him and it was so hard not to jump into his arms and kiss his face off. Now was not the time or place

The crowd started to calm down as Aaliyah called out to everyone.

“Okay guys, we have one last game for you lot. We want you to write down who you think will be next to have a baby. It can be individuals or couples.” A hot flash came over me as I knew what certain people would say.

I looked over at Daniel and gave him a look of concern. As most of the people in the room were our friends, I just knew they were bound to be on their silly shit.

Everyone got given their piece of paper and started writing their answers down. During the time of the answers being counted everyone just mingled and got themselves more drinks.

“So what was that?” Rachael whispered grabbing my arm and pulling me away from anyone that could hear.

“It was nothing, we’ve both had too much to drink.” Even I knew this lie sounded like a load of crap. Rachael rolled her eyes which meant I knew she thought the same

“Bitch don’t lie to me, I know-.” Before she could finish her sentence, Aaliyah called out to say they were ready to announce the names. Thank God.

“So there were quite a few different names and couples, however there was a clear winner here. I guess everyone thought the same thing.” My gut knew exactly what she was going to say

“So with that being said, Daniel and Y/N it’s your time to pop one out next” I looked over at Daniel that had the biggest grin on his face and laughing. The completely opposite reaction to me.

“Babe we might as well tell them?” Is this man crazy?

That caused everyone’s eyes to widen and look between me and him

“Guys I’m not pregnant. But we are back together.” The atmosphere in the room changed to warmth and love. That changed my mood completely and made me feel at peace.

Daniel walked over to me and gave me a kiss on the lips before wrapping his arm around my waist. I really didn’t want to ruin the expecting parents day but here we are I guess.

#daniel kaluuya #daniel kaluuya fanfic #daniel kaluuya fanfiction #daniel kaluuya x black!reader

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soufcakmistress · 2 years

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Charleston Blues

Part II

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Pairing: Erik Stevens x Thick Black OC

“What you done did to me?” Chantilly examined her naked body with bugged eyes and every question in the world.

(I’ve molded you in my image. There are in fact still a few things that you need.)

Ursilene pointed her way and three separate lengths of waistbeads appeared on Tilly’s body, matching the color of her gown. A gold anklet was magically fastened on her ankle, and Tilly kneeled to rave over the detailing.

(Rise, girl.)

Ursilene was so tall, her head grazed the ceiling. One blink and she decreased in size to look Chantilly right in her eye. Her voice still unnerved Tilly. The way that it vibrated through her chest and resounded through her body; the new connection was powerful and terrifying. Ursilene smiled wide showing her smoke stained teeth and pulled out a tiny gold ring from behind her back.

(Stand still. This will hurt a bit.)

All of Tilly’s limbs were frozen in time as she stood. Her back stood straight as an arrow, with her arms out to her sides. She tried not to whimper but she had no idea what was going on. This being was capable of things that nobody would ever believe. The gold ring unfurled into a straight line, floating about Ursilene’s palm. Lightning fast, the gold ring aimed right for Tilly’s left nipple, piercing her flesh and curled in on itself, securing the perfect circle. Tilly screamed bloody murder, and there was plenty of blood that fell.

“Bitch!!! You couldn’t count or something???? Fuck!!!!!” Blood cascaded down her belly and her mound, and Ursilene released her. Tilly curled into a ball immediately.

(The world you once knew is gone. The woman you once were is dead. You have been burdened with tremendous power. Every sense you invoke, every thought you think, every feeling you experience…..will be heightened. Your physical strength will become overwhelming. Your mental capacity will expand to new depths. Your ability to carry out unthinkable acts in the name of justice will have no limit. Your compassion and patience for women and children will grow and evolve more than you thought possible. Is it starting to make sense?)

Tilly’s whole chest throbbed from the piercing pain. But she sighed sullenly and nodded. The shift had been almost immediate. Her vision was sharper. Each breath radiated through her body differently, almost as if her lung capacity grew. The pain from the piercing began to die down and Tilly dressed herself in a robe. “I would like to be alone. If I have your permission.”

(Take a few days. Feel your way through it. The others did the same. I’m orchestrating some things in the meantime. You will receive a call in two days time that will add to the many changes in your life. The prosperity I promised will be yours. But…..when I call for you….and by now you should know when I’m near…I need all of you.)

Tilly gulped and walked to the window, gazing at the newly manicured yard, with Pepper’s old self sleeping under the Spanish moss tree. No more termite riddled porch. No more cracked windows and raggedy shutters. No more chicken shit littered everywhere. A total turn around from 12 hours ago. “Yes, Ursilene. Understood.”

She disappeared in a cloud of grey smoke leaving the room smelling of incense. Tilly stood starstruck at the idea of a clean slate. Nothing would be the same from here on out. The vanity that used to be ruined now showed a perfect reflection of Tilly’s new appearance. She shed her robe, and looked at herself. Tilly had always been plump and adorable; now she looked like a beautiful subject of a renaissance portrait. Tilly felt more feminine than ever with her long kinky hair flowing as such. The gold jewelry made her feel juicy and luscious and she became aware of the wetness between her legs. Ursilene did say that everything was heightened for her now…

Looking at herself turned her on now. That never happened before. She touched her new nipple ring and circled it, causing the ache to grow in her womb. Tilly covered the soft curl covered mound with her hand and rubbed back and forth. Her face heated up dramatically, and she put her other hand in her hair. These weren’t things that good wholesome young women in 1958 should be doing. Her mother always said her body belonged to God and that masturbation was frowned upon. Is that why it felt so good?

Tilly had never felt such overwhelming pleasure before. She stumbled onto her bed, spreading her legs. Rubbing her clit around in the perfect circle, she pinched her nipple ring, and ascended to a bliss not known to this plane. As she made her way back to Earth, her body was covered in sweat, and her hand was covered in her womanly fluids. “I could get used to this hea’..”

~

“Back it up, back it up. Keep going! Okay, now stop. Perfect.” Erik directed the truck driver into the loading dock behind the store. This heat reminded him of old times and he pulled a bandana from his pocket to swipe his face. Erik Stevens was a Korean War vet who had seen death up close and lived to see another day. His ambitions led him to become one of the first Black commissioned officers for the United States Navy.

Erik knew suffering and pain, and he worked exponentially hard to ensure he didn’t feel that ever again. Orphaned from an early age, he set out on his own in Oakland as a second generation child of the Great Migration.

His father wasn’t American, but his mother was and they worked tirelessly in tandem to give him love and guidance while they were still here. Life had other plans for Erik however.

Erik had always been too smart for his own good. Slick and sly. Cunning and quick. He was 19 when he graduated from MIT, and working as a graduate assistant for the engineering department. It wasn’t enough money for him. Every night after erasing chalk boards and grading exams, he would use every penny he had in the gambling dens of Cambridge.

Italians and Irish in that part of Massachusetts had an alliance to split up the racket. Erik had been making waves amongst certain tables. He loved Blackjack. His math was perfect; he could feel out anything by the odds and win all of his bets. On more than one occasion, Erik would have to fight his way out due to some hating ass white boys that couldn’t stand to be embarrassed. His knuckles were permanently hardened and scarred like his heart and he preferred it that way.

Then the war happened. He was shortly drafted after news of conscription came to Massachusetts. Seven months after basic and specialist training, he would hunt, torture and kill for his country. He started to make a name for himself. Erik rose in the ranks and became a lieutenant for courage and bravery and attained a moniker that’ll follow him to the grave. Killmonger.

The blockade of Wonsan allowed him to garner medal after medal. Due to his vigorous show of enthusiasm, he had been selected for a ghost unit to infiltrate the Korean shores against the North Korean army. For every kill, he would slash his flesh as a reminder of the life taken and maybe also for the life that seeped out of him.

After the armistice, the Americans went home. But not all of them. Erik was able to receive the Medal of Honor and an honorable discharge with excellent service after the war and stayed overseas. America could be useful in the future but Korea had sights and wonders foreign to him that magnetized him to the peninsula.

Erik had several ins with artillery specialists from his navy days that he kept in touch with. He had a pristine system in place. Decommissioned weapons that “fell” off military utility vehicles made their ways to three separate warehouses he owned in Seoul, Busan and Kwangyang. The American was making money hand over fist selling black market arms to the highest bidder. He encountered all types and drowned in Korean pussy to ease his long days.

One auspicious day, Erik got caught fuckin with the wrong pussy, slaying some South Korean big shot’s mistress in his Busan office. How could he not resist? She looked innocent and yet had an endless throat that he couldn’t resist. By the time the goons infiltrated the warehouse, his cum was in her stomach. She turned around and pushed her panties to the side to take all of what Erik had to give, until a bullet whizzed past her.

Erik was able to get some shots off before he got his pants up his legs. But there were too many of them. He had already sent his team home for the night to have some alone time and someone had the jump on him. They swarmed the office with machine guns at the ready. The Korean boss stepped into Erik’s office, stoic and calm. In a last ditch effort, Erik pointed the gun at the mistress, threatening to end it all. “Take another step and you’re gonna be dry cleaning her fucking brain matter off your suit.”

He did Erik the favor of blowing her head off himself. Another two quick shots in Erik’s shoulder made his legs fall out from underneath him. There was a trap door under his desk and he immediately began to crawl to it in agonizing pain. He didn’t make it. The boss stood over Erik, and cracked a smile. Then, from his sleeve he pulled out an impossibly sharp and slender knife, gleaming under the fluorescent lighting.

Quicker than Erik could blink, the knife pierced his stomach seven times. Blood bubbled up his esophagus and coated his teeth instantly. The boss cursed Erik as he bled out and left him to die.

Erik managed to pull himself up against the wall, wheezing a bit harder, holding his side. He started to laugh at his circumstances. He had it coming. If it wasn’t him, it was the next boss whose wife he was fucking or finessed the deal on.

It seemed that at every point of his life, he courted death. It was the only constant thing in his life. So he wasn’t scared. He actually felt a bit of relief. His resignation truly set in when he began to gasp for air, and he could hardly hold his arm up to compress his wound.

The lights began to flicker. The file cabinets in his office rattled. Erik’s ears began to ring and what appeared to be falling through the ceiling looked to be a man. Their forearms and biceps were massive and rippled with muscle. He wore a caftan draped over one of his shoulders unlike any pattern Erik had ever seen. His skin was dark grey, with three vertical slashes along his forehead and golden irises.

(Your lack of discernment has led you here. Your lack of foresight has led you here. I have never seen a man act with such willful disregard for their life. Or others for that matter. In 120 seconds, your body will shut down from the lack of blood. Do you want to live?)

His life was flashed before his eyes immediately like a picture show. Before he dedicated his life to the underworld, Erik was a stand up guy, who had brief walks on the wild side. Erik cared about people. And then his heart was ripped out and he didn’t care to regain it. He cried softly. The being waited patiently until he was done. Their presence comforted Erik. “Maybe I don’t deserve to.”

(I am called Badoru. I have roamed this plane for millennia working to cleanse this planet of all evil that inhibit it. I will save your life. If you serve me, and promise not to lay a hand on anyone who did not harm or threaten you or your charges first.)

“My charges? What do I—“ Erik coughed up more blood and slid further down the wall. Tears of exhaustion flowed from his bloodshot eyes.

(I am a god of many things. Virility, strength, war, and death. I am also the watcher of new life. Any child born on this plane is covered by my protection and any harm is dealt without mercy. Which is how I found you. Erik Stevens, you may have substantial material wealth but you revel in an impoverished mind state. Accept my will and your days shall be long with joy.)

That was five years ago when Erik submitted to the will of his new god. Badoru showed him that Charleston was where his work was needed next. Still able to charm the best of them, Erik was able to get his hands on a heap of military surplus. Badoru blessed him with a business right on the low end of King Street, where the colored folks usually shopped.

At his behest, Erik took those weapons and brought them back to the states. Jim Crow was alive and well. Violence was rampant in segregated Charleston, and he wanted to make sure his community was armed. Erik would sell military surplus by day and sell weapons in the back by night.

~

“Well that’s just wonderful news. Thank you, thank you!”

This was it. The call that Ursilene told Tilly would come. The grain mill where her father worked on Edisto Island for all them years called to let Tilly know that there was a sizable pension check waiting for her to claim. $50,000. She damn near fainted when they said the number. Tilly had been skeptical these two days that passed but she sure shut up quick after this.

After the check was procured, as soon as she stepped off the boat back to Johns Island, Ursilene summoned her immediately. Tilly was a bit more adept at handling the visceral symptoms now.

(Return to your home at once. I will instruct you further once you promptly arrive.)

Tilly raced home from the docks and situated herself in front of the vanity. Sea foam green smoke blew in from a cracked window and Ursilene sat right next to her on the vanity chaise.

(Did I deliver like I said I would?)

“Yes yes yes Ursilene. I thank you. I thank you so much. I can hardly believe it!” Tilly blabbered like a kid who got the last piece of candy.

(Now, your bakery is in within your grasp. You shall have the finest for your space, I will see to it. Furthermore……I hope you are prepared.)

Tilly stiffened up and shook her head positively like a puppy. She wasn’t sure what to expect. But she made a blood oath that she couldn’t take back; she had to see this through.

One wave of Ursilene’s hand, and the mirror whirled counterclockwise into a viewing bubble of some sort.

(Little Marla. 13 years old. An 8th grader whose parents died tragically and is now living among several other girls at the Jenkins Institute. She loves music and listening to the radio. Her best friend, Sheila, loves to do hair and they practice on each other. They both have taken a liking to biology. Sweet girl.)

Tilly watches the young Black girl smooth out her poodle skirt and straighten up her white socks. The orphanage had a uniform, and Marla liked to look her best. She pulled her sleeve down and hissed at the bruise. The girl only looked for a second more before her friend realized her pain and continued to get ready for class. Tilly’s blood quickened at the very sight of her pain. Who hurt this beautiful child?

Ursilene snapped and what appeared to be a church’s pulpit showed up in the mirror. The pastor—tall, lanky, salt and pepper hair, and ruddy red skin—was named Dunne. Theodore Dunne had been pastor at Second Presbyterian Church for almost seven years now. A devoted husband and father, he dedicated his life to outreach, especially to children.

(Pastor Dunne. He has a ministry at his church specifically tailored to minister for Children’s outreach. They frequent the Jenkins Institute three times a month to bring donations and food drive items raised by the congregation. However, Pastor Dunne has an affliction even his word can’t heal.)

Ursilene flashed several scenes of ghastly scenes of Pastor Dunne inappropriately groping and grasping Marla, her face full of tears. Tilly’s ire grew so. She began to grip the vanity chaise, ripping the cushion from the legs of the chair. When Marla would fight back, he would get violent with her. Her shoulder had been dislocated before.

(Theodore’s day of reckoning is overdue. Hand her justice, Chantilly. Eviscerate him. Remove him from this plane of existence. And restore balance.)

No sooner had she said that, did Tilly have a plan. It’s never too late to gain some religion, right?

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#soufcakmistress #black panther #black southern gothic #Southern Gothic #erik stevens #erik killmonger #erik stevens x oc #erik killmonger smut #Killmonger #killmonger smut

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nathandarkson984 · 7 months

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I want to express myself right here in this one specific post before addressing everything. Please read + please spread this.

It’s best that I want to at least say this, and say this alone that while I have been sitting dormant for about a month from what happened around in August, focusing on myself mentally and taking care of my own mental health and dissecting parts of my own problematic emotions, I have been slowly beginning to grow a distaste of my own actions that I have caused for about a part of my life time, and given with what has happened, I am willing to address everything, especially given with what I have to say going on forward from the whole situation in hand.

However, given with what happened recently, even after the whole Kilath situation, I've expected that hopefully that the person I've called out would apologize, but like always, he has yet to do that, especially since this was happening during my time of writing the apology that has been for about a month, even writing the apologies to the individuals that I’ve had fallen off with/I’ve had bad history with.

Even in addition, have I heard that the person I've called out before and told them specifically to stop, have decided to go against my back and bother the individuals I've harmed, to the point where even I have to agree with Ali that have called me out of my own actions, that the specific person in mind should stop and get a life. It has gotten to the point where I’ve grown absolute resentment that after I had stated the person to fucking stop, the person in question decided to completely go against what I said and continue to harass Ali. Even he knew that I was against what Kilath had caused, and you know what? I'm glad that I had to say something about people that do this entire white knight crap, that even I despise stuff like that entirely, because it doesn't help me, nor the victims I've hurt, nor anyone in this situation, it drags me and the victims down, and I have expressed my utter distaste and have shown revulsion against those that have blindingly defend me or harass those that I’ve wronged. It's at least a first step of having to be responsible for my own guilt and to become a better person than who I was before, and to at least take action and call out to anyone that’s been harassing the victims instead of staying silent.

It has gotten to the point where even I feel like it's best that I have to address it THIS month to prevent this white-knighting bullshit again, because at this point, I cannot let this idle by while some fucking idiot goes out of their way to harass the victims I've caused to harm because of my own selfish actions.

This is also within the fact that even my own ex-partner decided to contact me again personally to state that it's best I address it immediately and to apologize directly to everyone I've wronged, and so, I've been doing that for almost about a month, even to be completely honest about myself and how I feel, and where I'm coming from in this situation, even. I never expected her to forgive me even after the stuff I've caused, and I never wanted her to, but given that we both have made errors on our own broken relationship, it's best that she and I will carry our own burden and improve on ourselves from our past, and I'm grateful that she has shown her concern and expressed her feelings on the situation that she would want to help me.

Given that she forgave me even though I never expected her and never wanted her to, even going so far that she’s brought up my own mistakes and wants me to correct myself, even especially wanting me to be better than who I was, goes to show how serious of a problem this has been, and how I’m willing to take this situation and come forward with what I have to say instead of letting this linger on any more than it should, and given with that, I’m willing to do that by her request, because even she knows what’s best for me, and I can thank her to at least put me in the stepping stone to get myself in the right direction.

And granted I can admit that I’m not a perfect person, I made a lot of fuck ups and I’m very wary of what is yet to come after saying what I have to say, but I want to at least be truthful and honest about myself instead of just cowering in fear and running away of my own problems and to falsely pretend that I'm not guilty or lack any guilt like it’s absolutely fucking nothing. It isn’t nothing, and I’ve been left broken with my own screws completely loose for almost around since 2017 to 2023. Most of those bad memories have haunted me since then, and by now I want to at least conquer my own fears and my own insecurities and face it like a man. I'm aware that I'm completely faulty as a person, and as a human being, and I’m willing to accept that.

While I have improved in some certain aspects, it isn’t completely enough, and the damage I’ve done is evidence of that.

I want to at least address everything in a professional manner this month, and focus on myself and to better myself as a person with my own emotions and feelings. I want to at least prove that I am capable of changing, and by that I wish to be the man of my word instead of completely flunking it, and given with the people I’ve caused harm, I want to be the better person and apologize to them like a man instead of just running away and/or ignoring my problems. Of course I won't expect any of them to forgive me in any form of forgiveness, for anything I've done, as it's obvious that I do not seek any form of that at all, neither wishing luck from them. They have their own voices, like I do, and I'm willing to let them say what they have to say.

Given with me having grown remorse of what I caused, and even revulsion of my own actions and myself, it goes to show that I want to better improve myself as a person and completely fix my problems, even facing my own demons that have been growing rapidly, my own insecurities, my own mental issues, and my own problems that I should take action to what I should do to better improve on myself.

Hopefully by then, after what I have to say at the end of this year, or around that, will I then start to take an immediate course of action to rectify myself as a human being. And while it may be a very hard outcome, especially having to get through with the obstacles in my path that would lead me into being a better person, I’m willing to do what I can to get there.

After saying what I will finally say by the end of this year, let me focus on myself until then, do not proceed to bother or go after me, or anyone that I will mention, because even then should I be left alone to face my own problems and conquer them until I can prove that I am capable of changing and to be the better person than who I was of my own toxic past, and should the victims I've harmed be left alone and not to be reminded or to be bothered over and over again of the situation that have caused them grief, as I want their wounds to heal.

It's how serious this whole thing has become to me, and to everyone involved, given that I have to address this entirely, and I will not let this continue or let it happen ever again.

Until then, please stand by until I come with what I have to say in regards.

#nathandarkson984 #controversy

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sgt-morgan · 2 years

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Burden in my Hand ❤️‍🔥

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18+ only, Minors on my page is a no no.

Moonknight Masterlist

Description: Marc is a hard man to love, but you are goddamn determined to love that fucker even if it kills you. Also, Deities, I decided what I wanted readers Patron to be.

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, Angsty, Cannon typical violence, talks of alcohol, self sabotaging, blood, mental illness, manipulation, talks of a past EXTREMELY toxic relationship, alcohol, I got a sailors mouth, Su!cidal thoughts if you squint, joke mentions of smut, AFAB reader.

A/N: I was listening to Sound Garden (as I often do when I write for Marc) and this just formed in my head. The song Burden in my Hand is a little about drugs, and a lot about being terribly hard to love when you don’t love yourself. Didn’t really check for spelling or whatnot, if there are mistakes lmk.

🌘🌔🌒

The heat is what hit you first as you scowled into the sunlight of Cairo, chasing after your asshole boyfriend again. Your duffel where it was slung over your shoulder, and your sunglasses were your only source of cover for the moment, and you were beginning to question why you kept following after this asshole if he was hell bent on destroying his fucking life. Then you remember that not only do you love him, but you love his two alters too much to leave them high and dry when Marc was being a dick.

You finally secured a rental car and threw your bags in the open back, from your pack you pulled your phone and a scarf to cover your mouth and nose with. You were gonna venture into the desert, and settle this fucking score. You wanted to make it home in time for Casssie’s recital, and you’d be damned if that little girl was missing her auntie, and her Tio too all because her Uncle Marc believed he wasn’t worthy of your love, or deserving of your help because of a stupid mistake he made one time. When Jake makes a promise he keeps it, and you didn’t want to deal with his awful guilty mood if you didn’t make it on time. Marc had been writing an awful lot of checks he couldn’t cash lately, and you were fed up.

As you drove you thought back to how you woke up yesterday, and you could feel a deep pit forming in your stomach. You awoke to your bed being much colder than it should be, the other half being empty, the only thing left to remind you that your boyfriends were even there was a note. When you read it your stomach churned and your eyes watered in rage and anguish.

‘My Love,

I’ve gone to Cairo. I took the research, I’m going alone. I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for an idiot like me. If taking out this cult is the last gift I give you, then so be it. If you’re gone when I come back, it’s for the best.

Yours always,

Marc‘

Now you were in the stupid fucking desert, it was hot and grimy, and you really couldn’t wait to have a drink. For the moment though, you swigged bitterly from your water bottle and muttered to Juno about your relationship.

“Juno, he’s getting on my fucking nerves with this. How many times do I have to demonstrate that I’m not going anywhere, and that I’m not a delicate little flower, for him to get the point through his thick ass skull.” You muttered as the goddess lounged by you in the sand picking petals off of a lotus flower. You were currently scouting out the cult of Moloch, a cult you honestly could not believe was attempting to make a comeback, recently they had bombed a maternity ward in Cairo and one in Crete, (Thankfully you and your Boyfriends were on the case in both scenarios, so there had been no casualties.) in doing so, they had pissed off multiple pantheons including the one of your Patron goddess, Juno. You knew Mark was in Cairo seeking them out, you knew the last mission you had been on really freaked him out with the whole blood loss debacle, and he was still blaming himself for your freak out. You hadn’t been called upon by Juno in a minute, as there was really nothing that she had found troubling enough to send you out of the country, and there was plenty of work for you to do for her as a traveling Doula and secret crime fighter. She was the protector of mothers and children after all, and thankfully your area of expertise lead to you being able to save a number of pregnant women from scary scenarios all from your home city. Unlike Marc’s patron, yours had multiple Avatars in multiple places, you just happened to be her favorite, so she called upon you to do all of the heavy lifting when it came to the really terrible stuff. So there you were, working your boyfriends mission without his permission, and rolling around in the sand with an ancient goddess.

“Oh little avatar, I of all the gods understand your pain.” She shrugged, “Just be thankful your lover is faithful to you. He always comes back, and he always comes back without twelve demigods at his hip, so you have it made! Well little one, wipe these foolish mortals out for him and demonstrate your loyalty, and then, remind him why I chose you above all to be my avatar.” Her wicked grin made you smirk as you summoned forth her spear.

“Of course my queen, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” You grinned manically and threw yourself at the men in question. “Hello gentlemen, I am Avatar of the Goddess Juno, and you have come to meet your reckoning.” Then, you did what you do best. You slashed and clawed and beat at these men with all your worth. Cleaving heads from shoulders and wrenching limbs from bodies with ease. You were covered in blood and hadn’t taken a scratch yet, easily bodying the twenty or so men in their little hide out. Then some dude caught you off guard and punched you directly in the mouth. You reeled back in anger and we’re about to drive your spear through his forehead, when a moon shaped dart flew through the air and sunk into his eye sockets with a wet thud. He screamed and fell to his knees and you easily dispatched him and spit on his still warm corpse.

“What in hell are you doing here!?” Marc hissed as he stomped towards you, completely ignoring the warmings of his alters, as they encouraged him to keep his cool. You stood before him in almost regal beauty, shrouded by moonlight, your suit in hues of rich royal greens and blues drenched in blood, face shrouded in clouds of rage, a singular cut above your lip, (that was already showing signs of healing) the only thing marring your terrifying beauty. That look on your face had never truly been pointed at him before, and he thought about putting himself out of his misery before you did, but he knew you wouldn’t kill him if not for the sake of his two innocent alters who if they could murder him, would.

“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me Marc Spector,” she hissed, the tone of her voice Austere and dangerous. Sharp enough to cut. He almost kneeled at her feet then and there to beg for his atonement, to find once again the favor of this goddess in her fury. “How dare you run out on me like that? Huh? Leaving a note and taking my research? Did you think I wouldn’t follow you? I found them before, I could find them again! Not only that, but daring to break up with me without the consent of your alters? You’re lucky you share a body with two innocent men, or I would rip you to shreds.” Her eyes were taking on a severe golden hue and her teeth were bared at him almost like a wolf’s. He really fucked up this time. Alas, if it weren’t for his pride he might have made it out alive.

“Lucky huh? Lucky to what, be stalked by you into the desert? Last time you soloed a mission, you had a fucking break down. Why the fuck would I want your help!?” He bellowed, but before he had even realized the words had left his mouth, he already wished he could reel them back in.

“Marc Spector? I would advise against you further angering the avatar of the queen of the Roman gods.” He heard Konshu mutter from behind him. Marc knew it was bad if Konshu was advising against his foolish actions.

“Silence Konshu, do not interfere with matters that don’t concern you.” You growled, “He wants to see my wrath? He can have it.” You growled driving Marc back with the tip of your spear until he was forced to his knees. “Listen to me Marc Spector, I have stood by you faithfully for the better part of two years now. I have helped you, and trusted you, and I have loved you. I will continue to love you, but if I have to turn my face from you as the moon from the earth? I will haunt you like a bad dream. My goddess is a goddess of loyalty, but she is also vindictive, and I too can take my revenge. You think on that Marc Spector before we speak again.” Then with a flourish, you were back to normal. Jeans and a black tank top, face streaked with tears. He saw, with immense guilt, that he hadn’t even realized you had been crying.

You stormed out of the temple and he heard a pop and the woosh of air leaving a tire, then the sound of your Jeep peeling over the desert sands. He sank back further onto his knees with a sigh and ground the heels of his palms into his eye sockets, yelling out in anguish. “Fuck!” He yelled, chest heaving as he remained in the sand. Then he filtered in what his alters were saying as they leered at him from shards of broken glass laying around in the remains of the cult.

“You are such a wanker Marc, breaking up with her? Really? Did you think that would work out for you mate?” Steven groaned from his reflection, rubbing a hand down his face in exhaustion. “You should have shot her, it would have been kinder!”

“Joder, ¿por qué intentarías romper con nuestra novia? Are you an idiot? You didn’t even try and talk to us about it. We’re in this together cabrón, you don’t get to make hasty decisions when you’re scared. We have a family to think about now. I promised Estrellita we would attend her recital, did you even think about that? Did you think about our niece? There are other peoples feelings besides hers now Marc. También merecen tu respeto.” Jake gruffed from another shard, shaking his head in disgust at this betrayal of their trust.

“Can I have a say in the matter?” He suddenly heard a feminine voice from behind him, and he turned to see a woman resplendent and hauntingly ethereal in the light of the moon that streamed in through the doors of the temple.

“Yeah,” Marc grumbled, completely nonplussed in the presence of a goddess, “Only if you put your two cents in while I change my tire.”

He settled in to work on the one tire you popped, somehow touched that even though you were mad at him, you couldn’t bring yourself to leave him stranded, only mildly inconvenience him. He also noticed that you had tucked your water bottle in next to his, and taken one of his hotel keys. It was a sign that while he had totally fucked up, you still loved and cared for him, wanted to be there for him. He sighed, they were indeed lucky men to have you.

“You know, I chose her for a reason.” Juno said, settling on the hood of his car while he laid in the sand to loosen the bolts, his tired body sagging into the sand. “She is fierce in her loyalty, she won’t give up on a person till the very last. It’s what I admire most about her, actually. She has an enduring ability to see the good in everyone. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t get her in trouble though, the last man she had before you, he was trouble indeed.” She sighed, and Marc could feel his whole body stiffen. You don’t talk about your ex, you only talked about him so far as to tell them that you had made a mistake with him, and you wouldn’t be making that same mistake again. Marc was curious as to what Juno would say, and from the reflections of his alters in the rear view and side mirrors, he could tell that they were just as laser focused as he was. “He was a bad man, really he was, but he was very good at pretending to be a good one.” She mused, handing him a socket wrench as he continued to work on his tire. “He always promised her that the mistakes he made would be the last one, but they never were the last one. It went on until she found out that he got two other women pregnant while they were engaged. It took two babies for her to realize he was manipulating them. Asserting financial dominance over them to make himself seem like a bigger man. He gave them all rings, promised to love only them, and got two of them knocked up on purpose to get them to stay dependent on him. It was Fortuna herself who intervened on her behalf, her not getting pregnant. Told me she was destined for greater. So, I watched to see what she would do when she was cornered, do you know what she did Marc Spector? She got them all out of there. She slowly started funneling the other two money, and paid for those girls to go home to their families, taking nothing for herself. When he figured it out? Oh, he was infuriated. He beat that girl within an inch of her life, and the only thing she cared about, even in all that, was that those two women got out safe with their children. I snatched her up right there, and helped her to finish her vengeance. My only stipulation to her? Pick a good man, a trustworthy one, one who won’t hurt you. She insists that you are a good man Marc Spector, don’t prove her wrong.” Then, as if mist she vanished.

“I gotta go apologize.” He mutters, to the silent agreement of his alters. It takes him nearly half an hour to make his way back the the hotel he was staying in, and he was not surprised to learn that upon arrival, his ‘wife’ did in fact come in with a copy of his room key and ordered a bottle of whiskey and went directly to his room. He sighed as he trudged upstairs, thinking of all the things Juno said to him, and all of the ways he had severely messed up earlier in the evening. When he finally came into the room you were curled up on your side in his bed, wrapped in his tshirt, nursing a large bottle of booze as you softly sniffled into his pillow.

“Oh honey,” he muttered dry and feeble with regret and exhaustion as he watched you tearing up and taking another pull from the bottle clutched in your fist. “Don’t cry baby, please.”

“You don’t love me anymore,” your voice was thick with tears, “I want you to, but you don’t.” You cried, placing the bottle on the floor beside the bed. “The other two love me, but eventually they will stop like you and I’ll be all alone again.”

“Oh baby,” mark sighed walking wearily into the room and hitting his knees by the bed. His heart broke in agony. You were plastered. “That’s not,-“ he sighs trying to make up his mind on what to say to you. “That’s not true. I just figured you’d be better off with out me! You deserve to live a happy life without all my baggage.”

“I want Baggage Marc! I can handle baggage! I don’t wanna be alone in the airport terminal of life, lonely with no baggage! With you I’m not alone! I’m tired of being alone Marc!” You wailed splayed out in the middle of the bed, sobbing your heart out. It was childish, and it was a nasty, screaming, sloppy mess, (one that was sure to draw a noise complaint, if we’re honest.) but at least you weren’t icing him out. “At least if I have your baggage I’m not lonely! I could carry a hundred Marc’s if it means I get to talk to one Marc! Marc is my favorite guy! No, sorry, ONE of my favorite guys! I get three guys! I get a Marc, a Steven, AND a Jake! I love those guys, I want ALL the guys! But NOW I have NO GUYS!” You started crying again, and Marc would be tempted to laugh if your little rant wasn’t so sad. “I was so lonely Marc! Before you, I didn’t have my parents, my sister, my niece, friends, NOTHING! All I had was some bullshit man who wanted me to feel so lonely, and I did, I wanted to die Marc, I am NOT going back there. I won’t! You can’t make me!” With that last sentence you threw yourself at him and attached yourself to him like an angry, weepy, drunken, Koala.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” Marc sniffled, as you clawed into his shirt whimpering, “You can keep us baby, I’m sorry. You won’t be lonely anymore, I won’t let you. You got your guys Honey, we’re all here and we’re not going anywhere. I was being stupid.” He hushed you and rubbed soothing circles into your back, while you still clung tightly to his shirt. He wanted to talk through his feelings, but he couldn’t do it like this. You wouldn’t remember, and he wanted his apology to stick.

Instead, Marc picked you up, and carried you to the shower with him, slowly uncurling your fingers from his shirt as you continued to mope, removing his clothes and then yours. He then picks you back up and caries you into the shower, letting you cling to him as he attempts to scrub some of the grime from your bodies while you cling to him as if any minute he might disappear. He then wraps your bodies in several towels and let’s you cling while your bodies dry. He dresses you both, making sure to put one of his t-shirts over you, and caries you back to your room. He made sure to call House keeping, and have someone change the sheets and bring you food while you were showering, hoping to put something besides at least two thirds of a bottle of liquor in your stomach. The whole time he’s caring for you, he lets you cling to him, knowing that in your drunken state you were searching for intimacy. He figures the least thing he could do was let you hang off of him while you were upset, at least you weren’t threatening him with a spear anymore. He feeds you, makes you drink water, take some Tylenol, and purposefully sets more out for you to take and drink in the morning, then he tucks you into bed with him. He hums softly to you as your breathing finally evens out, your arms still curled tightly around his body (almost painfully) in your sleep. Once he knows that you were a hundred percent passed out, he finally gives himself over to sleep, hoping that when he wakes, you’ll still be there, willing to talk.

Marc wakes before you, he study’s your features as you sleep, and slowly realizes that you are still tightly woven into his limbs, braiding your bodies together as if trying to meld yourselves into oneness. He reached the arm tucked under your head to play with your hair as the other gently strokes up and down your hip. Your body releasing a tension he has never seen it hold before in sleep. Then you start to stir, a small whimper bubbling up from your throat as you fight your way to consciousness from the grips of sleep.

“Marc?” You croak, throat hoarse from tears and sleep. He shushes you and reaches up to grab the water and the medicine, handing it to you with a small, sheepish, smile. You drink the whole glass in one go, downing it with ease. He rubs your back in soothing circles from where he leans against the headboard. When you finish, you lean back and sit next to him, your bodies pressed into each other, but not holding each other any more. You look to see Marc fidgeting nervously with the blanket, and you intertwine your fingers in a reassuring manner, leaning your head against his shoulder both faced forward staring at the Cheap motel artwork on the wall ahead. Sometimes, with Marc, there were conversations that were easier to have when your not looking each other in the eye, and this is one of them. “Talk to me baby, what’s going on.”

He sits for a second and ponders how to begin, still rigid in his fear of loosing you. “I, I guess I was afraid.” He shrugs, you soothingly run your free hand up and down his arm where you’re holding hands, waiting for him to continue. “I was afraid that I was ruining your life. I felt like I was adding unnecessary chaos to your already crazy life. I was so worried that I was hurting you in some way, that I never even considered that you-“

“That I like the crazy?” You laughed, “Marc, honey. Your version of crazy is the only thing I’ve ever wanted. It’s a crazy that compliments mine. I want it. I want you!”

“I know that now, I really do. I had an interesting conversation with Juno-“ he admits, and you bark a laugh.

“That meddling bitch, gods, sorry Marc continue.” You say, patting his arm encouragingly.

“It’s ok,” he chuckles, “but in that conversation, I finally understood that maybe, just maybe, even though I’m crazy, that you just might be crazy too. That you get my crazy and I get yours and maybe that’s all we can ask for in this world, for someone to understand our crazy.” He wooshes out a sigh of relief, and finally looks down at you with a watery smile.

“Yeah baby, I see your crazy, you see mine. That’s enough.” You nuzzle under his arm and wrap your arms around his waist and he settles you back into the mattress.

“I better call and change our flights, I’m not prepared for the consequences of pissing off Allison and Cassie.” Marc mutters, and you can feel him tilt his head towards the mirror near the bed.

“No te preocupes, I did it while you were sleeping, and ordered flowers for her. You leave in two hours, check out is in 30. Your bags are packed. ” Jake winked from the mirror at Marc, and he began to chuckle.

“What’s up?” You begin to giggle, looking up at Marc with love struck eyes.

“Jake woke up and changed the tickets already while we were sleeping, he packed for us.” He laughed, “He even ordered flowers for Cassie.”

“Holy shit.” You begin to giggle pulling yourself out of bed. “He put out outfits Marc, the man is smitten.” You grinned, pulling your toothbrush from the top pocket of your backpack, as Marc began to stir as well. Then you noticed something else with the outfit. “Oh my god!” You cackled as Marc began to brush his teeth at the sink.

“What is it babe?” Marc giggled at your obvious mirth, peeking out of the bathroom.

“That asshole didn’t lay out underwear!” You laughed harder. Marc whipped his head towards the mirror and was silent for a second, before he was crying in laughter. “What babe?” You giggled.

“You’re not gonna believe it,” he wheezed, “But that was all Steven!”

“STEVEN WITH A V YOU SLY DOG!” You cackled, digging for a pair in your backpack and suspiciously coming up empty. “There’s not any in here!” You gasped.

“Now that was all Jake!” Marc laughed, “I knew I had them for a reason!” He giggled.

“C’mere you pervs!” You laughed launching yourself at Marc and plastering kisses all over his face.

“I love all three of you so much, never try to leave me again” you smiled leaning up to kiss him again.

“Wouldn’t dream of it baby, wouldn’t dream of it.” He smiles rubbing your noses together.

“But seriously babe, where’s my underwear.”

#moonknight #moonknight x reader #marc spector moon knight #jake lockley moon knight #steven grant moon knight #moon knight story #moonknight fanfiction #moon knight #jake lockely x reader #jake lockley #marc spector x reader #marc spector #steven grant x reader #steven grant #Spotify

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herofics · 2 years

Note

Hi!! Would love to ask for a request for Bakugou comfort with cuddles under the moonlight.

For quiet,shy reader,that doesn't sees hope in the future and beauty on herself.

Thank you ♥️

I guess this is set in their days at UA, I’m thinking at the end of their third year. I’m sorry this took a while, I’ve been trying to work from the oldest to towards the newer ones, at least mostly. I feel like this turned out okay, even if not exactly as you asked

You had snuck out of your dorms to meet Bakugou in the clearing behind his dorm building. The clearing was surrounded by tall trees, but since it was a full moon, it wasn’t dark. You peeked your head out from behind a tree to see if Bakugou was already there. He was sitting almost in the middle of the clearing and looking up at the sky.

You tried to sneak up on him, but somehow he noticed your presence and turned his head in your direction.

“Oh come on. Do you have superhuman senses or something?” you complained playfully and stood behind him with your hands on his shoulders.

“Fuck yeah I do” he smirked. “Sorry I’ve been so damn busy. We’re graduating soon so the exams are a bother, on top of the internship too”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it” you said, but Bakugou could detect a hint of annoyance in your voice.

“You okay? You seem peeved about something” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you.

“It’s just… Do you think we’ll be together after we graduate? I mean, you’re gonna have your career as a hero, and I don’t even know what the hell I’m gonna do with my life yet. I probably wanna go to college, but it might be a bit hard with my grades, and I don’t want to be a burden to you either” you rambled and started pacing back and forth in front of him.

“First of all wow. Second of all, what the fuck are you going on about?” Bakugou asked with a weirded out look on his face.

“You know what I mean. I’m sure you don’t want someone like me for a partner, I’m a failure” you said, still pacing.

Bakugou grabbed you by your wrist, and basically yanked you down so you stumbled into his lap. He embraced you tightly, before loosening his grip to look at you with a very serious expression.

“I have no fuckin idea where you’re getting this whole ‘failure’ bullshit, but if I’ve ever given you the impression I think like that about you, I’m so fuckin sorry” he said.

“It’s not coming from you. It’s just… I don’t want you to have any regrets about me in the future” you said, not looking him in the eyes.

“Love, if you think I could ever regret being with the person I love the most in this whole fuckin world, you’re crazy” he growled, but the look in his eyes was soft.

“You’re sure?” you asked.

“Yes” he nodded.

You weren’t really used to someone being such a permanent fixture in your life. You usually felt like everyone just passed you by in life, never staying, and it often made you wonder if there was something wrong with you. Bakugou was different, he’d been there for you since you met in your first year at UA and you hoped the two of you would be together for as long as life allowed.

“I know that face, what are you thinking about?” he asked.

“I know this might sound a bit naive, but I hope we’ll be together as long as we live” you smiled.

“I’ll love you for the rest of my life, you can count on that” Bakugou said and placed a kiss on your forehead, wrapping his arms around you tighter.

You didn’t feel so bad anymore, there was hope for the future after all, especially as long as Bakugou was by your side.

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #kacchan #bnha scenarios #mha scenarios #mha fluff #bnha fluff #comfort #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction

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autumnalwalker · 1 year

Text

INCORRECT QUOTE TAG GAME

Thank you for the tag, @cljordan-imperium.

Passing the tag on to @ceph-the-ghost-writer, @fearofahumanplanet, @dontjudgemeimawriter, and the usual open tag for anyone else that wants to join in.

This is the site for the quote generation: Incorrect Quote Generator

I got more than a little carried away with the generator, so there's a lot under the "Keep reading" line.

Empty Names cast:

*Everyone is giving advice to Lacuna* Road: It's okay to ask for help. Eris: You're not a burden. Sullivan: Murder is okay. Ashan: Your feelings matter.

Ashan: You’re a loose cannon, Road. Road: No, I’m not. I’m a cannon, maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me? Lacuna: I think you play by your own rules. Eris: No way, they think rules were made to be broken. Ashan: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon. Road: No, I’m just a reckless renegade. Sullivan is a loose cannon. Sullivan: *smashes a chair* Aah! You shut your trap, Road! Eris: I’d say Sullivan’s more of a cop on the edge with nothing to lose. That’s an entirely different thing. Lacuna: Now I’m just confused. Is Road a loose cannon or not? Ashan: All right, put on a pot of coffee. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this. Road: groans Sullivan: Aw, man.

Road: You three, explain right now! Eris: It was Sullivan. Lacuna: It was Sullivan. Ashan: It was Sullivan. Sullivan:Sullivan: …fuck.

Lacuna: Uh, Road? Eris is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof. Road: What? Ashan: I think they meant, Eris is drowning. Road: WHAT?! *Meanwhile* Eris: *is drowning* Sullivan: OH MY GOD, ERIS! KEEP SWIMMING! Eris: I can't swim, dumbass— *sinks* Sullivan: ERIS!

Eris: Yesterday, I overheard Ashan saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Lacuna replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

Road: What time is it? Sullivan: I don’t know, pass me that saxaphone and we’ll find out Sullivan: *BLASTS the saxaphone* Eris: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXAPHONE AT TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING Sullivan: It’s 2 am

Lacuna: Why is there blood everywhere? Sullivan: I may have aggressively poked someone with a knife. Lacuna: You stabbed someone?! Sullivan: No, no. I aggressively poked someone with a knife.

Road: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Carnette recently. Sullivan: No, Road, it's not what it looks like, I swear. Road: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous? Sullivan: No! You’re the only one for me. Road: Is that so? Sullivan: I promise! Carnette and I are just dating, okay? They’re my partner. Road: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved? Sullivan: You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more! Road: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right? Sullivan: Of course bro! Road: Bro… Carnette: What the-

Eris: What doesn't kill me better start running, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Lacuna: Sullivan! I thought you were dead! Sullivan: No, just in deep cover. Lacuna: …But it was an open casket. Sullivan: It was very deep.

The Archivist's Journal cast:

Lin: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact. Vernon: …All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Maiko: Are they stupid? Cass: Yes, but they prefer to be called Archivist.

Vernon: Cass got into a fight. Lin: That’s bad. Lin:Lin: Did they win?

Lin: Why is it that I always lose things as soon as I need them? Archivist: Actually, it's not that you lose things when you need them. You lose them a while before. It's just that you LOOK for things when you need them. Lin: Okay yeah thanks Archivist, that's great but WHERE'S THE FUCKING FIRST AID KIT?

Lin: Do you have a self-care routine? Archivist: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.

Cass: Here is my wall of inspirational people. Lin: Is that a picture of you? Cass: Yes, I am big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.

Lin: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Maiko: They do. Cass: …Why did you say that with such certainty?

Archivist: I can't imagine what Lin is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Lin: I’m not a doctor I’m a medic. Cass: What’s the difference then? Lin: Well doctors actually save lives, medics just make you feel more comfortable as you die. Archivist: Note to self; never get shot.

*at a zoo* Maiko: What are they in for? Lin: Maiko, this isn't prison. Maiko: So they can leave? Lin: No, but- Maiko, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

Maiko, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! Vernon, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

Archivist: Could you be anymore annoying? Cass: Yes.

Archivist: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me. Lin: But did I make you cry? Archivist: *cries on the spot* Lin: …Shit.

Maiko, after getting a job as a life guard: Hmm… I wonder what those things at the bottom of the pool are.. Lin: THOSE ARE PEOPLE DROWNING!

Maiko: That sounds like a terrible plan. Archivist: Oh, we've had worse.

Vernon: Why are your tongues purple? Maiko: We had slushies. I had a blue one. Lin: I had a red one. Vernon: oh. Vernon:Vernon: OH. Cass: Cass: You drank eachothers slushies?

Archivist: I desire moisture. Maiko: Please just say "I want water" like a normal person.

Cass: *finds a note* Hmm, whats this? Lin: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it* Cass: Aww, it's a love note for Maiko? Lin: No- Cass: *opens it*Cass: Lin: Cass: I can't read this.

Archivist: You read my diary? Lin: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

Archivist: Cass is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.

#incorrect quotes #tag game #writeblr #writeblr game #my ocs #Empty Names #The Archivist's Journal #I'm amused at how many of these wound up being foreshadowing for things I have planned/already-written-but-not-posted #The Archivist actually has a real name that everyone uses in-universe but since the story is all in journal format it never comes up.#I wish there were more colored text options #Would have been nice to not reuse colors between the two WIPs #In retrospect the color-coding was entirely unnecessary but I was feeling nostalgic for a certain work that had a large impact on me.

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peaky-shelby · 1 year

Note

OKAY SO I’VE BEEN MIA BC I JUST FINISHED GRAD SCHOOL AND I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO READ THE LAST SEVERAL CHAPTERS. I’M BACK AND HOLY SHIIIIIIIIT BRO.

Okay I’m only going to go into ch 14 for all our sakes lmao. Having Neymar come with Ky to pick Taylor up from the airport is everything that healed my little heart. I know I’ve said it before, but her relationship with Ney is just the most wholesome and I love it. “Man, just kiss already. You can cut the tension with a knife.” She laughed, embarrassed at herself and leaned on Kylian’s shoulder, hiding herself. Like this encapsulates everything I love about this trio. The safety they both feel in being open in front of Ney is just **chefs kiss** to me. Surprising her with Leo, Ramos, and Kimpembe has me squealing like a child, but the real star of the show is Taylor’s reunion with Luna. My god I love this kitty.

The conversation between her and Verratti was perfectly awkward. Like we know he feels bad about how everything went down and like…he absolutely should and I love that Taylor made him squirm a bit. It’s exactly why I love Taylor as a character-her stubbornness and intensity is both her gift and downfall, but god when she uses it for her benefit it just makes me so happy.

“What about short term?” he mumbled to her lips, giving it a light bite.“You” she said in a quick breath

OKAY RIP ME WOW.

I’m conflicted about Galtier’s offer with the youth league. Because on one hand, I love that it would allow her to stay coaching in a sense, be close to Kylian and the rest of the boys, but I also remember how much she hated the whole system of how players are treated. “You can hep us build the foundations” like homie that’s not how this works….but okay. TYPICAL KY GETTING IN HIS HEAD THAT SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT HIM. CHRIST ON A STICK KYLIAN GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS. Their argument in the car is easily my favorite bit of writing thus far. It’s so fucking hilarious and on brand for the two of them to confess these big emotions while arguing like this and all while Taylors driving for the first time here lmao.

“I did not make a pause! My lips are still moving—you cut me off—and for you information it’s the kind of logic that I can find other teams like psg, psg is replaceable—you are not!” she stopped the car abruptly in front of a red light, Kylian moving a little forward. Silence. Just the car sounds filling the emptiness. He looked at her in awe, he wanted to kiss her right there and then.

Like I’m sorry WHAT!!! OW MY HEART I LOVE IT. “psg is replaceable-you are not!” That just causes me goosebumps because it really shows the depth of her feelings.

They’re finally happy. Like finally. I’m glad she took the job, but I worry that her reservations from the past assistant coach job will resurface and she’ll be unhappy again. ugh.

Him referring to her has his girlfriend for the first time…oof. She’s better than me because I’m pretty sure my brain would short circuit and an Error 404 message would just pop up lmao. Like they were building new routines together that weren’t involving only their bodies but their hearts too. Domestic fluff like this shit is what I liiiiiiiive for.

(K about to get sentimental and shit for a sec) Kylian speaking to the medics about her condition…this hit home. As someone who lives with a chronic illness that affects literally every aspect of how I’m supposed to live my life I really connect with Taylor in this capacity. It’s so hard to explain a version of life that is so drastically different than what is considered “normal” to others. I’m sure Kylian is wildly frustrated by her lack of sharing, but when you historically have to be the only one you yourself can rely on for shit, it’s hard to share that burden onto someone else…especially if you love them because you never want to give your shit to someone else. But that’s what she does. That quick little peck and “good to know you want to share it” from Kylian may have seem like such a throw away moment, but as someone who’s lived Taylors experience with this, it means everything. (K done with gross feelings now MOVING ON)

Of course I knew you were going to write Ney getting hurt…but god fucking dammit it hurts. Ney really feels like her family. Her brother. And hearing both Ky and Ney say “I’m tired” in the context they are saying it, I just know it’s breaking her heart. It’s back to the reason she hated the higher ups in the coaching gig again. No respect for the players. But I fear this will just add fuel to her flame hatred of how these players are being treated.

“He’s gonna need you.” “I know.” Neymessi going strong.

Ooooooooooooh apartment conversations happening….I was wondering if I missed the memo of them officially living together but here we go lol.

AGH HER GRIPE WITH COACHING STAFF COMES UP AGAIN. Taylor thank god you’re telling him the legit ruth and not sugar coating shit….where’s Taylor in real life because homeboy needs to hear this shit. AND SHE’S DONE WITH PSG. I FUCKING KNEW IT. DID I NOT CALL THIS. OH GOD BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THEM?! OH NOOOOO.

Awwww the key. The keeeeyyyyy.

The conversation between Ky and Leo is perfect. Truly no notes. We love Uncle Leo in this house. “That part had it’s pleasure, but you can break records anywhere Kylian.” He shrugged, scratching the back of his head “it’s who you break them with that makes it special.” I feel like this is then counterintuitive to the dilemma…idk yet I haven’t fully formed that thought yet.

LILY IS THERE. OH MY GOD TAYLOR AND BETH. AHHHH. I love Ky and lily’s dynamic its so stinking cute. I can only imagine how that looked to the others though hahaha. Like some random little girl none of them have ever seen comes crashing into Kylian and he’s like so chill about it. I’m sure they thought he’s like lost his head or something hahaha. Oh interesting dynamic with Ethan and their dad. I’m intimidated by him. Did not expect him to extend that invitation to Taylor and her family…is this just me being suspicious? I’m not fully trusting it yet…

….british phone number….her leaving the youth league job….CHELSEA?! 😳

Okay that’s what I’ve got. God I’ve missed reading this fic and I’ve loved catching up with the past few chapters. Still the best fic I’ve ever read, hand to god. Mkay thats all ILYSM 😘

AAAAAAH I MISSED YOUUUUU

When readers disappear i get so worried they've given up 😭😭😭 I'm so happy you're still here!! YOUR NOTES ARE THE BEST AND YOU ALWAYS TAKE SO MUVH OF YOUR ENERGY IT MAKES ME MELT😭😭😭😭

I hope the final chapter will leave you satisfied 🥺

#newromanticsfic

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