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sondepoch · 3 years

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Open Doors (Lucifer x Reader)

You know when he's coming before even he does. The Avatar of Pride is simply so predictable in his actions—his loyalties have been laid out so clearly that anyone smart enough can figure out his next move, his next action, his next thought. You've told him more than once that he needs to learn to conceal himself better, that he's no longer in the realm of light, that the people here will take advantage of him as soon as they figure out how. The demon never listens.

~Oneshot

MASTERLIST

You know when he's coming before even he does, it seems. The Avatar of Pride is simply so predictable in his actions—his loyalties have been laid out so clearly that anyone smart enough can figure out his next move, his next action, his next thought.

You've told him more than once that he needs to learn to conceal himself better, that he's no longer in the realm of light, that the people here will take advantage of him as soon as they figure out how.

The demon never listens, of course.

His own pride always speaks louder in his mind than your words.

"Welcome back." It's not a particularly warm welcome given the bored drawl of your voice, but it's what you're willing to offer him. You watch his reflection in the window, lips curving into a smile when you realize that he didn't bring you another useless gift this time.

Good, you think at the back of your mind. It's about time he shed those angelic habits.

"I'm here because—"

"I know why you're here," You interrupt smoothly, turning around to face him. "You always come here for the same reason, Lucifer. What went wrong this time?"

"The bill."

Ah. You close your eyes and try not to remember how irritated you were when you were reading the newspaper yesterday morning. The entire front page was devoted to covering the recent bill that had been passed by the crown prince, an isolationist policy which brings the Devildom a step closer to hell.

Yes, it makes sense that Lucifer would be troubled over that.

"Lucifer, I want to remind you that all the aid I have given you has been so that you can improve upon the Devildom, not ruin it by allowing such ridiculous legislation to be passed."

The demon does a good job of holding himself upright through your withering gaze.

"It's not my fault Diavolo passed it," Lucifer says, looking offended. His wings bristle under your stare. On a normal day, you'd laugh at the sight. Right now, you're more preoccupied with the useless excuses spilling from the man's lips. "He had already decided when he came to speak to me about it. I couldn't do anything."

"You could have." You stand from your chair to walk over to the alcohol cabinet. You can already tell that this will be a long conversation, that you'll both be wanting something to drink. "You could have, and you would have if you weren't so weak. You were too busy trying to get our demon prince to like you to dare go against him, weren't you? When he asked for your opinion, you didn't even try to comment on how detrimental a tax break like this would be for the lower classes. You just nodded your head dumbly and told him it was a good idea, didn't you?"

The glare Lucifer shoots you is stormy. You're almost surprised at the intensity of it. The last time the two of you met, he was much more meek.

"I need to be on Diavolo's good side to protect my brothers. I'll do whatever it takes to keep them safe."

"They're not your 'brothers' anymore now that you're down in the Devildom."

"We are a family. Us falling changes nothing."

The two of you glare at each other for a moment longer (well, Lucifer glares; you really just stare at him in disappointment), but you finally glance away to pull a bottle of Demonus from a shelf. Two glasses follow.

"Don't give me that swill. I know you have better drinks."

Your lips curve upward into a smile Lucifer can't see. He really has begun to grow into his own, now. He's still faltering, still a baby compared to demons like you who have been here for so much longer, but he's lost the angelic sweetness which once compelled him to be so helplessly docile every time he came to your home.

"And why would I waste my better drinks on you?" You counter, quietly trying to see just how far you can push him.

"Because although you've been here longer than me, I outrank you. And you will give me what I want."

You grin.

You easily take hold of the Celestial wine you keep hidden for special nights, something you always keep on hand because no matter how good expensive Demonus can be, Lucifer is right. It really is nothing but vile swill when compared to the intoxicating drink of your homeland.

"So tell me, Lucifer." You carry the two glasses of Celestial wine over to him. "If you're so much greater than me, why is it that you're coming to me for advice?"

The demon falters.

A laugh spills from your lips.

"It's fine, you can relax. You've certainly grown. I'm impressed with your ability to stand up for yourself. You're just as predictable as usual, but I dare say you've finally begun to act like a real demon. Enough to intimidate a decent portion of the population." You take a sip from your glass. "Though I doubt I'll ever fall into that bracket."

Lucifer scowls. "I didn't come here to be ridiculed."

He stands up as if motioning to leave.

At the back of your mind, you know it is a falsity; you know that he came here for a reason, and he won't leave until he gets the advice he needs. Briefly, you entertain the notion of letting him leave, of bidding him farewell and taking the expensive wine glass in his hands for yourself, but you ultimately decide not to. Perhaps it's your old angelic instincts compelling you to do so, or perhaps it's your quiet desire to see Lucifer bloom like the flower you know he will be; either way, you don't want him leaving just yet.

"Sit down," You command, and Lucifer has the wit to hide his inner relief. It would have been too humiliating for him to leave you and have to come crawling back, an insult to his pride. "You came here for a reason. And the bill Diavolo passed was bad, but you're intelligent enough to know how to fix it without my help."

Your eyes narrow when you see the bob of Lucifer's throat, slow and nervous.

Ah, you realize, instantly understanding.

There's only one thing in the world that can make the Avatar of Pride so anxious.

"What did your brothers do this time?"

And so Lucifer breaks completely.

A small part of you sighs when you realize that the stormy facade earlier was just that: a facade. The stress on Lucifer's face as he narrates the most recent tales of his brothers tells you all you need to know about how he's acclimating to the Devildom. He doesn't bother hiding anything from you, sparing no details as he quietly pleads for your help, your aid, your advice as he always does when he comes to your abode in these faraway woods.

"Please," He mumbles at the end, knowing that brute force will never make you bend to his will but that honesty might. "I can't...I won't let Diavolo take them away from me."

You sigh.

"When will you ever learn?" You mumble softly, standing up and walking to Lucifer. He's sitting on an armchair, head turned to the ground, so you kneel in front of him and force him to meet your eyes. "Lucifer, I need you to understand that you have to let your brothers go. They will forever be a weakness, and demons feast on weakness. Why do you think the Demon King kept you all together? He wants to keep you collared like a dog because he knows you'll never step out of line with your brothers next to you. You need to accept that you can't protect them."

"I can't." Lucifer looks desperate. "I can't let them go."

"You…" You have to, you want to say. But the truth is that you know Lucifer won't listen. He's simply too angelic. Too pure. Too full of love to abandon his brothers and become a true demon.

"How did you do it?" He whispers. "How did you manage to abandon all your weaknesses when you fell?"

"We're not here to talk about me," You respond quickly, standing up. You hate talking about your fall, hate thinking about it.

"But you can—"

"No." The look you shoot Lucifer is harsher than anything you've ever shown him. He doesn't cower under your expression as you expect him to, but he does back off.

"Fine, then. How do you propose I fix this?" He gestures for you to sit in the armchair next to him, eyebrows furrowing in irritation. "Without abandoning my brothers," He adds, reading your mind.

You remain silent for a moment, thinking. After all, based on what the demon told you, his brothers really have worked him into a bind this time. But millennia of living in these woods has taught you more than how to see in the darkness of your study; the solution to Lucifer's problems is there; he just won't like it.

Indeed, when you finally give him your advice—that getting his brothers in line by taking control and holding them in place with an iron fist might be the best way to keep them happy in the long run—the scowl on his face tell you all you need to know. His fists tense, and his throat bobs the way it always does when he bites back a snarky comment.

But the demon doesn't counter your suggestion.

"You already knew," You whisper, almost feeling bad for him. "You already knew that this was the only way."

"I was hoping you'd have a better solution," Lucifer mumbles, tipping his glass back and downing what little wine remains. "But if that's what it takes to keep them safe, I'll do it."

The I'll do anything for them is implied.

"I probably won't visit for a while." The demon stands, and you know he's preparing to leave. "If I truly want to do what you say, I won't much free time to come out here."

That's fair. Your home is miles away from his, a three-day journey even if he flies at top speed with his wings.

"But I thank you for your help," Lucifer says, as always.

"Demons don't give thanks," You chastise him, clicking your tongue. When you see the sour expression on his face, you relent. "But you're welcome.”

You're surprised to find that Lucifer holds true to his word. He really doesn't visit for a long time, days stretching into weeks stretching into months.

It almost makes you long for the old days, where he used to stop by every week. And the next few centuries, when his visits to your bungalow began to fade into a bi-weekly event. Even the millennia after that, where he'd only be in need of your advice once a month.

For the past hundred years or so, the Avatar of Pride's visits have grown irregular. Sometimes you'd see him twice in a single week. Sometimes once in two months. But there was always an unspoken I'll be back, and you were content with that.

But now, it's been nearly eight months since you last saw Lucifer.

You're not sure if the fact should make you happy or sad.

The truth of the matter is that Lucifer was the only company you had. And as much as you mocked him for his angelic habits, his presence was a welcome change from the silence of the woods that surround you. You originally built your home here because of the isolation, because it was the only place in the Devildom without pollution, the only place in the Devildom where you could look at the sky and see the stars of your homeland where all your friends and family lived.

You stopped caring about them millennia ago, though.

And Lucifer's visits, frustrating as the demon is, were a pleasant change.

The demon appears to be doing well for himself, according to the newspapers. It seems that he really did take your advice—not your first suggestion, to discard his brothers and find strength on his own, but your latter suggestion, where you urged him to learn how to control the six. It seems that he's enrolled them all in a school to keep them busy, a smart decision that you're proud of him for making.

But every positive piece of news you learn of Lucifer is always offset by a sick feeling in your stomach, like a knife twisting in your gut.

Because the sad, selfish truth of the matter is that Lucifer always came to you for advice,

And based on the reports you've been seeing in the daily newspapers, he no longer needs it.

You have to push the thought from your mind as you stare out the window of your study, trying to watch the Devildom crows as they soar through the trees.

You're familiar with some of these birds. They've taken a liking to you over the past few millennia, following you around and peering in and out of your window. You've particularly bonded well with one; an oddly well-groomed crow with arrow-like markings that point downward on its body. It often disappears for weeks on end, but it always comes back to the woods, back to watching over you as if it's your personal protector.

You squint, watching that same Devildom crow perform its mating dance on another, before the other bird flies away. A smile blooms on your face, but it's not the birds you're thinking of.

No, your mind is lost in memories of when Lucifer first came to you.

You remember staring out this very window when seven stars fell from the sky. You knew what it meant as soon as you saw their light approaching, still remembering the pain of your own fall. What you didn't expect was for one of those stars to show up at your door mere hours later, the angel turned demon wasting no time in throwing himself at your feet to beg for advice.

When he fell, Lucifer was convinced that you were the only person who could help him. You didn't quite understand how to express that you were just as demonic as everyone around you, that you were not the angel he seemed to be looking for...but the man needed a shoulder to lean on, so you readily helped him.

If you had known that giving him advice once, pointing him in the direction of the royal palace and advising that he rip two of his wings out before the Demon King got jealous and did it himself, would have led to a millennia-long relationship, you might have turned the Avatar of Pride away.

Now that you know what it's like to be without him, though, you're glad you didn't.

These past eight months have been long. Painfully long.

There's no haste in your pace as you walk over to the familiar alcohol cabinet, reaching for a glass. Usually, you make it a point to avoid drinking while alone—alcoholism is an unfortunate path for an immortal to take—but today, just today, you think you'll make an exception.

You reach for the Demonus.

Swill, someone says at the back of your mind.

You grimace, abruptly pushing it aside to grab a bottle of Celestial wine.

"I never thought you were one for drinking alone."

You turn around in alarm, your demon form instantly manifesting and your wings spreading out in an immediate attempt to intimidate whoever stepped into your home. You don't even think about the possibility that it might be Lucifer, too used to being able to predict his visits to think twice about the possibility of him doing something unexpected.

"I'm impressed with myself," The demon at the door breathes quietly. He looks utterly unfazed by the fact that your wings are out, that you're baring your teeth in what is supposed to be a terrifying display. "This is the first time I think I've properly surprised you."

The proud, almost cheeky smile that spreads on the demon's face somehow cools you down.

"You…" You don't bother saying anything in response, trying your best to make sure that your wings don't puff up stupidly the way Lucifer's sometimes do whenever he gets flustered. "I wasn't expecting a visit. You have no reason to be here."

You aren't sure if you should be proud of Lucifer or not. From the day the two of you met, you've been telling that he needs to be less predictable, that he can't let other demons be one step ahead of him.

This time, he was one step ahead of you. You're entirely uncertain how to feel about it.

"I do have a reason to be here. You just didn't expect me because I'm not here for advice." Lucifer fidgets with the cuff of his sleeve before stepping forward. "Though I apologize if I startled you."

You roll your eyes.

"I've told you this before. Demons—"

"Don't apologize. Yes. I know." Lucifer walks over to you, pulling two glasses from the overhead shelf. "My apology remains."

You shake your head softly. The progress Lucifer is making is winded, the man making strides in certain areas but still entirely out of tune with what it means to be a demon in other regards. You don't bother commenting on it, merely accepting his aid when he holds one of the glasses up for you to pour into.

The two of you walk to your usual positions once your glasses are filled: Lucifer, on one of the two armchairs that face your desk and you, sitting at the chair of your desk. It's the position you took when the two of you first met, and it's the position you've found yourselves in ever since, a perfect picture of comfort for both of you.

"It's been a while," You say after a long moment of just staring at each other. It's hard to keep the accusatory tone from your voice. "Why are you here? Your life seems to be going smoothly from what I've read in the newspapers. Have one of your brothers done something to get you in trouble again?"

"My brothers are always doing things to get me in trouble," Lucifer mumbles under his breath. "But I'm not here to talk about them."

"Oh? Do tell.."

"I'd actually like to discuss you."

You narrowly avoid choking on your wine.

"Me?" You arch an incredulous eyebrow at the man. He's only ever come to you when in need of advice, in need of help. Conversations have always revolved around him, never you. "Why are you really here, Lucifer? You don't need to get on my good side if you're trying to request a favor."

"You mistake my intentions." Lucifer sits up straighter in his chair. "I am here out of...consider it a thirst for knowledge. There are certain questions you've left ignored in all our time together. I'd like to know their answers."

"Ah, so you're here to sate your curiosity." The thought dampens your spirits a bit. You can't figure out why.

"Yes."

You stare at your reflection in the glass of wine. It does bring you slight pleasure to learn that Lucifer is, at last, in a place in his life where he no longer needs to come to you for advice but has the luxury to speak of other things instead. It means that he either no longer faces the troubles that once plagued him or has finally learned how to handle such things himself, both of which are steps forward in his journey to becoming a true demon.

But his excuse sounds fickle.

Curiosity is not something the Avatar of Pride is known for.

You regard him dubiously as you take another sip from your drink, trying to come up with any other ulterior motives that the demon could possibly be harboring. When you come up with nothing, you relent.

"Ask away."

"I only have one question."

You're confident that you've left more than one of his questions unanswered in all your time together, but you gesture for him to go on.

"How did you abandon all your weaknesses when you fell?"

Ah, you think. Of course.

"I doubt you need the answer to that," You drawl with a bored lilt, leaning forward to rest your chin on your palm. "You've already figured out how to get rid of most of your own weaknesses. Well, I suppose your brothers still remain, but your alliance with Diavolo will act as a bandaid on that for now."

"That isn't an answer to my question." Lucifer crosses his arms. "You've always gone on and on about how I need to be strong. So tell me, how did you do it? I've thought about this more than once in our time apart, so don't think you can avoid the question."

At the repetition, you remain stubbornly silent, not bothering to give the demon any response. You're positive that you can outwait this man; after all, isn't that all you've been doing for the past eight months?

The only issue is that Lucifer's steely gaze never leaves your eyes.

Some part of you is proud of the demon for the way he's currently behaving. It's truly demonic, the way he's pushing forward to get an answer to his question with no regard for the fact that you don't want to give him one. And that stare he's shooting you is genuinely chilling, enough to make a lower demon piss themselves in fear. Not you, of course, but it's still improvement.

It's this part of you, the part that has always been a little soft on the demon, that finally compels you to open your mouth.

"Lucifer, you remember the day I was banished."

"I do."

"And you remember the reason?"

"I do."

"Then that's that." You take a sip of your drink, abruptly wishing that you had taken the Demonus out instead. Celestial wine, for all its properties, can no longer intoxicate you. The liquid courage you were hoping for when you reached for the glass has been barred to you by your own hand.

"I was a bad angel," You finally manage to say. "And bad angels make for good demons. Father casting me out of heaven was the best thing he ever could have done for me. I never had any weaknesses to cast aside because the Devildom is where I belong. I never had to change to fit in here, Lucifer. I was never like you."

But the Avatar of Pride frowns.

"Do you truly believe that nonsense?" He asks. "When Father banished you, claiming that you didn't have enough 'love' in your heart to be an angel, did you believe him?"

"It wasn't a matter of belief, Lucifer. I knew —"

"You knew what?" He snaps. "That you didn't possess an emotion in your heart that every angel is born with—a defining pillar of our people?"

"I'm not a part of your 'people,'" You respond, your voice unwavering. "Father fucked up when he made me. I was born a demon, even if I lived in the Celestial Realm. I hate to break it to you, Lucifer, but I've never been the stupidly innocent angel you seem to think I was. And I know you seem to worship the idea of love, but I've never been weak enough to have any of it in my heart."

The demon stands up, and now his expression is dark and thunderous, stormy and terrifying.

It makes you flinch.

"I used to think you were smart," he practically spits. He turns to leave, his long jacket rippling out behind him as he walks away from you, and you can't help but sense that when the demon walks out of your room this time, he really might not come back.

"What do you think, then?" You challenge, not getting up from your seat. "Do you truly believe Father was wrong about me?"

"Do you truly believe he wasn't?" Lucifer responds in disbelief. It's the first time he's staring at you with such pity, the first time he's looking at you as if you need to be helped and not the other way around.

The thought makes you angry.

"I haven't spent millennia helping you find your place in the Devildom so you could insult me like this." You let your hands tighten into fists. "I am a demon. A true demon. Father was right about me, and I am happy for it. I am proud to be who I am, and—"

"How can you say that?" He waits for a moment, and you can sense his quiet hope that you'll prove him wrong. "If you truly believe that, what do you call this then?" Lucifer gestures around the room, the one the two of you sit in every time he comes to ask you for advice. "What do you call everything you've done for me? You're a fool if you think that this is something a 'true demon' would—"

"Get out."

The words slip past your lips before you can decide you actually want them, but you don't dare take back a word.

You can't explain why Lucifer's next response seems to hurt you.

"Gladly."

The anger you were feeling from your fight with Lucifer cools down within minutes. It's easy to recompose yourself in the absence of his overwhelming presence, easy to relax when he isn't snapping annoying words into your ear.

It's utterly unsurprising to find that Lucifer is the same way.

He reenters your room not twenty-four hours after your disagreement, and by then, you're waiting for him. You can read his mind even before he steps inside your quarters, can already tell that he and his angelic instincts feel guilty for angering you when you've done nothing but help him.

"I expect you're here to apologize," You tell him the moment you see him, crossing your arms.

"Demons don't apologize," The Avatar of Pride responds with a light smile, all earlier signs of frustration having vanished.

"They don't, but I imagine you'll do it anyway."

"Keen observation," Lucifer remarks. "And an accurate one. I apologize if you think I insulted you."

I apologize if you think I insulted you.

You scoff.

"That might be the worst apology I've ever heard. Because you did insult me, and you were quite frank about doing so." An amused smile crosses your lips. "But I will accept it nonetheless."

"I didn't insult you," Lucifer mutters.

You raise an eyebrow. "Your insinuation that I have love in my heart was an insult. I'm a demon. Proud to be one. And demons do not love."

"Then humor me," Lucifer begins, taking his usual seat. His voice is calm, relaxed. As if he genuinely wants to discuss this with you as a conversation, not an argument. "If you do not have love in your heart, would you care to explain what this is?"

The demon casually gestures at himself, leaning back in the armchair to await your response.

You try to come up with an answer.

There's not a single doubt in your mind about what Lucifer is referring to—the sessions you've had with him from the day he fell from grace, the little offerings of advice you've given him from the day you met.

"It isn't love," Is the only answer you can come up with.

"Are you sure?" Lucifer asks, and this time, his voice isn't pushy. He's being oddly gentle. "Because I was an angel more recently than you, and I remember very clearly what love looks like."

You don't bother responding to him.

Lucifer seems content with that.

He isn't shooting you his usual icy stare, the demon instead opting to gaze at the various pieces of art you have in your room. He's looked at each of them thousands of times with how often he used to come here, but you leave him to it, busying yourself with the stack of papers on your desk. There's nothing important here—no, you've chosen to live your immortal days out in isolation where nothing important truly ever happens—but you still take interest in the various maps and charts lying around, continuing your leisurely comparisons of different source materials.

You manage to distract yourself thoroughly within the next hour, almost forgetting the presence of the demon in front of you. You don't notice when his eyes shift away from the paintings on the wall in favor of glancing at you instead, utterly unaware of how he watches your movements.

The demon reminds you of his presence with a cough.

There's an urge to speak up, an involuntary twitch that makes you want to remind him that demons aren't polite, that he doesn't need to cough to get your attention, but you manage to hold back.

"These past few months, I've had free time, but never been enough to come visit." Your eyebrows furrow, confused as to where this is coming from. You're about to tell Lucifer that he doesn't need to justify his absence, that it's okay he didn't visit for so long, but he speaks up before you can. "I'm telling you because I expect the same thing will happen over the next few months."

Oh.

You try not to let your disappointment show.

Lucifer stands from his seat and begins walking to you, abandoning the armchair he usually stations himself at in favor of standing next to you.

"All that time apart helped me do a lot of thinking." Lucifer rests his hand on the arm of your chair. You can't take your eyes off his red gloves, your fingers suddenly twitching with the urge to touch. "In these next few months, I suggest you do the same."

"Stop being vague," You snap, irritation budding. "Say what you mean or don't say anything at all, Lucifer."

"I'm telling you to think about love," The demon whispers into your ear, chuckling. The sound distracts you, rendering you immobile as Lucifer pulls away and straightens himself up.

"Because after eight months, I'm quite certain that I know my thoughts on the matter."

It was a confession.

After nearly one year of deliberating over the demon's words, that's what you've concluded: Lucifer's last words to you were a confession of love.

It's stupid, you think. You should have known that interacting with a demon like Lucifer—a demon who's never been a proper demon, too focused on clinging to his holy roots for his own good—wouldn't end up well.

A part of you feels sorry for the man because you're now confident that whatever emotion he harbors for you isn't reciprocated. But at the same time, you're unbothered. Because you're a demon. You do not care for others, and you do not love others. Your only priority is yourself, and your whole advice-based arrangement with Lucifer was never anything more than a mechanism to pass time, something your brain went along with out of sheer boredom.

And for all Lucifer's intellect, he was wrong about this one thing.

You don't love him.

It's a thought that resonates through your mind as you wait for him, confident that the demon will be walking through your front door within hours. Right now, you're sitting perched on your desk—not at it, but literally on it—eyes lit up in devilish excitement for the first time in millennia.

You already have it planned out: the demon will walk saunter through your door as he always does, all proud smiles and confident grins. You won't even give him time to greet you, you'll just order him to kiss you the moment you see him. Lucifer will obey, because he always obeys—and once you've had a taste, once you've felt his lips against your own, once you can confidently say that you gave it a shot, you'll push him back and tell him he was wrong.

You smile at the thought, already thinking of the stuttered apologies Lucifer will have to give you when he realizes that you really are a demon at heart. That the Celestial Realm might have been your birthplace, but it was never your home. That you were right and he was wrong.

After having him behave so arrogantly towards you, the very thought has you buzzing with excitement.

You can't help but smile as you glance down at the newspaper. It arrived at your doorstep three days late, as is to be expected when you live in the middle of an isolated woodland, but that just makes it better because the main headline is an announcement of the arrival of a weeklong holiday for the Royal Academy of Diavolo.

Which means that the holiday began three days ago.

Which happens to be the exact amount of time it takes for Lucifer to fly to your home.

And despite not having seen the demon for nearly a year, you're confident that it's your doorstep Lucifer will be coming to on this holiday. It's this confidence that pulls a broad smile to your face, one-part excitement and two-parts anticipation.

Doubt only begins to set in after hours have passed.

You begin to fidget with the fabric of your shirt, spinning quills in your fingers in anticipation as you wait. An oppressive thought begins to fester at the back of your mind: what if Lucifer won't come?

The thought frustrates you to no end, not because of any emotional attachment you hold to the man but for the simple reason that you were looking forward to this. You wanted to see the prideful demon bow his head and confess that you were right, you wanted to see him shed that arrogant disposition and apologize for his repeated insults to your identity.

If he doesn't come, though, that will all be for naught.

Your shoulders begin to droop, the radiant smile slowly slipping from your face. By the day's end, you're practically drooping your head, unwilling to move from your position on your desk because you feel so stupid but wanting to all the same.

You almost don't hear the gentle click of your front door as it opens.

Almost.

Your eyes snap open immediately.

Your front door has been old and creaky for millennia, now; it was once new and kept in use, back in a time when Lucifer would visit you weekly and would enter through your front door every time—but as his visits have grown infrequent, the door has grown rusty. It remains open, forever unlocked because only one person uses that door and you've never barred him entry from your home, but it's difficult to maneuver, almost impossible to operate silently without magic. But as you sit on your desk, eyes wide and listening cautiously, the long creak of the door as it presses open is unmistakable.

That's the sound of a door that hasn't been touched in a year opening.

That's the sound of Lucifer.

Your posture straightens immediately, eagerness bubbling in your stomach as you hear his footsteps approach.

When the demon finally enters your study, he sees you sitting on your desk, watching his every move like a gargoyle made just for him.

"You were waiting for me."

The words are said so plainly as if they mean nothing at all. But the hint of a smile on Lucifer's face betrays him.

"I was," You respond swiftly, not bothering to come up with a lie. "I've been waiting for a long time."

"It was barely thirteen months."

"It was long enough."

The conversation ends there, but Lucifer doesn't come closer. He lingers in the doorway, refusing to take his usual position in his armchair.

That's fine, you think, lips curling upward. If he won't take charge, then I will.

"Come closer."

There's no hint of a question in your statement; it's painfully obvious that those words were a command, an order, a demand.

You half-expect Lucifer to disobey just for the sake of his pride, but he surprises you by taking two steps forward.

"Closer." Another two steps. "Closer." Four steps. "Lucifer, come and stand right in front of my desk."

The demon finally does what you want him to, walking forward until he's right in front of you, just an arm's distance apart.

"Closer."

Lucifer's eyes flash with mirth, and he takes a step forward, his body no more than a foot away from you as you sit on your desk and he stands in front of you.

"Closer."

One more step. The last one, because Lucifer's shoes are practically pressed against the base of your desk now, and his chest is mere inches from your own. The two of you are the same height when you sit on your desk like this, and it's a new perspective.

One you very much enjoy.

"Kiss me."

You expect the demon to falter, to stutter, or to gawk. But he presses his lips against yours with a swiftness that makes you wonder if you're the predictable one, if he saw this coming.

The thought would disturb you more if you weren't so focused on the sensation of Lucifer, on the strength in his fingertips as his hand cups your jaw and the warmth of his arm as it snakes around your waist, sliding you closer to him on the desk.

At the back of your mind, you remember that you had a plan. That you were supposed to pull away. That you were supposed to give Lucifer a chance and prove him wrong, prove that this isn't love.

But in the present moment, all you can think about is the electric feeling of his tongue as it slides into your mouth and forces your heart to march to the beat of a new rhythm, one filled with passion and fire and desire.

"Lucifer—"

It takes all your strength to press a hand against the demon's chest and physically push him away from you.

When the two of you next look at each other, you're both out of breath, cheeks flushed and lips wet.

"This isn't love," you tell him, looking him straight in the eye. "This is lust."

Your fingers wrap around the thick material of his tie, grabbing the knot.

"So don't stop kissing me."

You don't bother waiting for him to make the move himself, yanking his tie forward and doing the job yourself so that when your lips next collide, you're the one taking charge, biting and sucking and leading.

You feel Lucifer's lips curve into a smile even as he kisses you, and the thought frustrates you.

I want to wreck him, something says in the back of your mind.

You wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment.

"Bedroom," You mumble into Lucifer's lips, letting him pull you off the desk. You don't relinquish your grip on his tie, refusing to let his lips leave yours for even a second as you take him out of the study, out of the only room you've ever allowed him into and instead to your bed.

You can't tell where the demon's hands are—can barely tell where your own clothes are. All you know is that the more you kiss Lucifer, the more electric the intensity inside you feels, a burning fire that you know has to be lust.

You begin unbuttoning his shirt messily, practically throwing him onto your bed before climbing on top of the demon, allowing your lips to leave his only so that you can marvel at the sight of him underneath you.

Your grin is wolfish. Satanic. Demonic.

You lean forward to grip the demon by the shoulders, confidence soaring through your veins as you dig your nails into his skin and swear to not let him leave this bed until you've taught him the true meaning of lust. The plan you once had is pushed to the back of your mind, overshadowed by desire as you press your lips against Lucifer again in preparation for the long night ahead. Everything disappears but the man in your arms, your mind wholly empty save for thoughts of what you're going to do to Lucifer in the night ahead.

It doesn't surprise you when you wake up to a cold bed and an empty house.

Such is the demon way: to fuck in the night and disappear in the morning, to give in to a temptation once and to not bother seeking the same one again, to reach a high only to chase a new one the next night.

It's something you've taken part in countless times. After all, you're a demon. You're no stranger to lust, no stranger to sin.

For some reason, though, you can't help but sense that you still want more of Lucifer, even after you've had a taste.

You shake the thought before it can fester.

From there on out, everything goes back to your usual routine. You take a walk in the woods, glancing at the crows around you and gazing at the starry sky above, only to return to your study where you sit at your desk and stare out the window.

Some days you turn your attention to the papers on your desk, focusing on how you can better compare and contrast the various maps you're looking at, and other days it seems that you do nothing at all, merely sitting at your desk, staring at the paintings on the walls.

Things go back to normal—how they used to be before you met Lucifer.

Nothing really seems to change.

You'd be lying if you said you never thought about the demon you took into your bed. The man, annoying as he is, has been a constant in your life for millennia. It's impossible not to think about him, especially not with the daily newspaper featuring his triumphs on the front page every other day.

But now, there seems to be a strange sort of pain that accompanies every thought of the firstborn.

You were confused by it at first, unsure of where it was sourced from. But after months of investigating your own mind and trying to pick it apart, you've come to realize the cause.

It's so simple, really.

You're afraid that you'll never see Lucifer again.

A small part of you hates yourself for every sleeping with the man. He was doubtlessly the best fuck of your life, but you can't help but feel that it ruined the friendship you had. Tarnished whatever image he held of you. Maybe even hurt the demon's feelings, with the way you so boldly proclaimed that the night's endeavors were being fueled not by the love he clearly sought but lust instead.

The thought annoys you, honestly. It buzzes around in your mind like an irritating fly that won't go away, a frustrating notion that you can never seem to squash.

You shouldn't care about the fact that you might not see Lucifer again; you shouldn't care that the visits you once looked forward to will stop.

You shouldn't care, and yet you do.

You think that thought annoys you even more.

It's what propels you to try to forget about the Avatar of Pride completely, and you break from your self-induced isolation to venture out of the woods and head to a nightclub, one of the low-end ones where the implication is that everyone present is looking for a hookup.

Such a decision was a poor one, though. You only realize it in hindsight, but you were stupid for ever thinking that a random demon off the streets could compare to Lucifer the Morningstar, Avatar of Pride, Aide to the Prince, Lord of Hell, in bed.

You think the hookups just made you miss Lucifer even more.

A part of you takes it on as a challenge to figure out what it will take to finally get the prideful demon out of your mind. You've tried adding lovers, adding toys, adding aphrodisiacs to your nightly ventures—but nothing seems to work. At the end of every orgasm comes an involuntary flash of Lucifer's face, just like how at the end of every day, it's the Avatar of Pride who stars in all your dreams.

It wouldn't even be so bad if you weren't positively certain that Lucifer will never come to your home again.

You've always been able to predict his actions, always been able to read his mind. Figuring out his thoughts used to be so intuitive for you that you rarely had to even think about it: a gut feeling was always more than enough to steer you in the direction of the truth.

But your gut is now saying that the Avatar of Pride isn't coming back, isn't going to be venturing out into your woodland anymore.

The thought hurts you more than it should.

It's this mentality that eventually has you stumbling toward your alcohol cabinet, fingers reaching for something to help you forget those red eyes that make your heart ache curiously with every breath. Your hand instinctively reaches for the good stuff, for the expensive Celestial wine that you once saved for your visits with Lucifer.

But then you realize that the Celestial wine, delicious as it is, isn't what you need.

No, you want to forget.

And as a demon, only one drink in the world can do that for you.

Your fingers reach for the tall bottle of Demonus.

Swill, a quiet voice echoes through your mind, but you dismiss the thought instantly, pulling the bottle out. You don't bother grabbing a glass, knowing that there's no need to maintain appearances any longer. No one will be walking through your front door, no one will be coming to glare at you and make little quips as you offer advice.

No, that's all over.

You pull the bottle off the shelf entirely, your thumb already extending to rip out the corkscrew when you notice a paper in the wine cabinet, positioned elegantly next to a wine glass.

You know for a fact that you did not put it there.

Your eyes dart from the bottle in your hands to the paper that's facing away from you, internally trying to decide.

It's no surprise what your choice ends up being.

You place the bottle of Demonus on the floor with a thud as you pinch the paper between your nails, taking it into your hands. It's an off-white and its edges are uneven, the slip clearly torn off from something larger, but something is written on one side.

You squint at the paper, bringing it to your window so you can read the words under the moonlight. It takes a moment, but you finally find an angle that works, revealing the message to your wary eyes—

If it's lust, then anyone would be able to sate your needs. If it's love, then it will only ever be me.

And at the bottom, Lucifer's name is written, signed in looped cursive which takes up nearly have the paper.

You don't bother cleaning your house.

If anything, you readily accept that it will grow dirty, and in honor of the fact, you open up every window you have to welcome the wildlife in. Bugs begin to fly inside almost instantly, but you don't mind. You want your home to belong to these woods now, for the animals that have protected you to find security in what was once your abode.

You step outside through your back door. A part of you still feels that the front is meant for Lucifer, that you've always left it open for him and not yourself. In the end, it doesn't matter. You're leaving this place behind, and you won't be back for a long time.

If things go well, you won't be back at all.

You head outside as soon as animals begin to filter in, leaving the door open behind you as you pat your pockets one more time to make sure your wallet is with you before setting off in the direction of the nearest city.

You don't bother bringing any clothes, don't bother bringing any food. The money in your wallet is more than enough to support you on your journey to the heart of the Devildom, and you don't want to weigh yourself down with anything other than the clothes on your back.

That, and the note in your pocket.

You slip your fingers inside just to check that you have it one last time before you truly begin to follow the path you know will lead you out of the woods, breathing a sigh of relief when you find that the ripped parchment is right where it belongs.

You're honestly not sure what you'll say to Lucifer when you find him, but you imagine that the paper will do all the talking once you show it to him. And you're not particularly worried. The trip from your home to Lucifer's takes three days by flight, but on foot? By manually walking through the Devildom? It should take you a month at the very least. You'll have more than enough time to figure out what you're going to say to him.

A part of you does feel guilty for that.

You have a feeling—a gut feeling, so it could be as wrong even though you're certain it's right—that Lucifer is waiting for you. That he has been waiting for you. And by choosing to travel to him on foot, you know you're only extending your time apart.

Then again, the Avatar of Pride never had any qualms over making you wait, so you doubt that one month is going to make a difference.

The demon will likely make snippy comments about it no matter what you do.

For now, you can only continue to walk out of the forest, staring up at the crows which seem to be following you.

"Goodbye," You gently whisper to the birds. You know you'll miss the peace of your life here, of waking up and having nothing to do but smile at the animals around you and devote yourself to whatever mindless hobbies you've desired—but stagnation is the death of immortality.

And you've been stagnant for much too long.

Your expression begins to sour as soon as you draw close to the edge of the woods, a city only miles away. You can already hear how loud the district is, smell how polluted it must be. Still, you continue onward. You've isolated yourself for long enough, and the time has finally come for you to return yourself to the world.

Above you, the crows caw in alarm, almost as if pleading with you to stay.

One of them—the strange bird with markings on it—flits around you as if confused. It watches you step beyond the woods before darting forward in the direction of the city at a rapid speed, cawing at the top of its lungs.

You smile at it, perhaps for the last time.

You like the birds of these woods. But there will be birds in the new places you'll go, in the city district you're about to enter and doubtlessly on the RAD campus where you've learned Lucifer resides. Your journey does not end here; if anything, you are only beginning it.

As you walk, you can't help but let your thoughts wander to the man who brought you here, the person responsible for what you're doing.

The truth is that you don't know what your emotions for him are. You know it is not in a demon's nature to love, but you also know you were never born a demon. And yet you were cast out of heaven for that very reason—the lack of love in your heart. But of all the uncertainties, there is one thing you know: whatever you feel for Lucifer is more than lust. Just like he said in his note, it's something only he can sate, something only he can fix.

You're still not positive on what that means—whether Lucifer will indeed be able to do anything about the feelings in your heart, whether he'll be able to fix the odd ache you've been living with for over a year now.

But you're willing to try. In the grand scheme of things, that's all that matters.

The thought sets a strong tone for your journey, resonating with your heart as you step across the boundary that lines the woods. It means that you've formally reached the outermost boundary of the city, a district of bustling activity that might scare you if you hadn't already seen it before.

You stare at it, watching. Studying the demons that are walking around and about in the distance, the tall buildings which cast looming shadows through the land.

And when you finally step forward, leaving behind the place you've called home for millennia, there is not a single hesitation in any of your steps. For you know that at the end of it all, when you finally finish your journey through the Devildom and you end up in the infamous House of Lamentation, Lucifer's study will be unlocked, the demon's doors forever open to you the way yours once were to him.

MASTERLIST

Word count: 8.9k

Notes: i wrote this a LONG time ago and finally decided to post it publicly. i was hesitant because this fic kind of? wrote itself? like i had plans and as i wrote it they were swallowed up by everything else >.> anyway, think of this as compensation for the fact that i haven't been posting much recently! i hope you like it :)

Thank you for reading <3

#Word count: 8.9k #gender neutral reader #obey me!shall we date #lucifer x reader #om!lucifer x reader #obey me lucifer x reader #changing power dynamics #fallen angel!reader #referenced/implied sex #slight symbolism attempts #mammon has a familiar :3 #super duper cliche #kinda open ending #kissing awh #pining #mutual pining #take this offering and plzl forgive me for not making much content recently

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axvoter · 2 years

Text

Blatantly Partisan Party Review VI (federal 2022): Australian Progressives

Running where: ACT and VIC in the Senate; the Divisions of Ryan (QLD) and Sturt (SA) in the House of Representatives

Prior reviews: federal 2016, federal 2019

What I said before: “Put broadly, the Progressives advocate for all the issues that tend to get a favourable run on much of the left, not to mention some of the more socially liberal, climate-aware folks on the centre-right.”

What I think this year: I thought this party would not meet the new membership threshold as I’m genuinely not sure who or where their voter base is. The constituency they are trying to talk to is already listening to similar but louder voices. The party clearly recognises this because they have a FAQ with questions asking how they differ from the ALP and the Greens. On the ALP front, the Progressives go for some both-sides hogwash that “both employers‘ and workers‘ rights are equally important” (spare me! I do not want a party of bosses!). As for the Greens, the Progressives struggle to explain how their attitude towards the climate differs from Green Party principles in any substantive way. As best as I can tell, they think they are able to incorporate evidence rather than opinion more effectively than the Greens? It is a very poor pitch to win over Greens voters.

The biggest topic on which the Progressives appear to be campaigning this year is a federal ICAC. When I loaded their webpage I briefly thought I had accidentally landed on the page for the Federal ICAC Now party, because that very phrase appears in capital letters as the first thing you see. It then scrolls through other headline policies, such as an ambitious target of net zero emissions by 2030: the Progressives oppose any new licences to mine fossil fuels, seek electrification of the transport grid with renewable sources (and unlike some electric car stans, they emphasise the important role rail must play here), and note that agricultural policy requires careful consideration to maximise the sector’s potential to contribute to positive change and protect biodiversity. I like their boldness here.

Their policies on poverty and homelessness include support for a Universal Basic Income and social security payments above the Henderson poverty line, as poverty activists have been demanding for some time now. Some of their tax policy is rather vague and it’s not clear how all of it would work or whether their proposals for reform will actually cover the policies they propose. The Progressives will not, for instance, support any tax bracket over 50%, so even the mega-rich will not be taxed more than 49.99% on, say, any personal income above a million dollars. Other policies include greater funding and independence for the ABC and SBS, abolition of the cashless welfare card, and a treaty with Indigenous peoples.

In general, the Australian Progressives tick the boxes for the urban centre-left but there is no distinctive attribute that makes them stand out. In particular, if you are already voting for the Greens, the Progressives do little to suggest you should preference them higher. And if you are a socialist (like me) or a communist, they go out of their way on the FAQ to tell you that “communist and state socialist ideologies failed to translate into social, economic and political progress and achievement”. This is nonsense; state socialism played a major role in the emergence of the modern welfare state. The famed progressive “social laboratory” of late 19th/early 20th century Australia and New Zealand was an outcome of state socialism—if, in the assessment of French observer André Siegfried, it was socialism sans doctrines.

Perhaps the main audience for this party is people in traditionally Liberal urban electorates who prefer the teal independents in the House of Representatives and are seeking a similar option in the Senate. If you are, say, voting for Zoe Daniel or Zali Steggall in the House of Representatives, then the Australian Progressives have a strong case for your first preference in the Senate. If you are, however, a longstanding Greens voter, or you have socialist inclinations, you might put the Progressives a bit later in your preferences.

My recommendation: Give the Australian Progressives a decent to good preference.

Website: https://www.progressives.org.au/

#auspol #ausvotes #ausvotes22 #ausvotes2022 #Australian election #Australia #Election 2022 #Australian Progressives #Progressives #progressivism #progress #Australian Progressives Party #decent preference #good preference

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star-killer-md · 3 years

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Actus Reus, Mens Rea

@contesa-lui-alucard asked:

Hey hey happy sleepover my friend!! If it’s alright with you, I have two prompts from the Smut list that I’d love to see you combine for... mob Kylo and lawyer reader! Oh snap!! 15 & 37, if you please. If not, no worries, I still hope you have an awesome sleepover 😁 (“Make it hurt, baby.” + “Lay back and touch yourself. I want to watch.”)

Anon asked:

hello, may i request clingy/possessive kylo,, thank you

Thank you lovlies for your requests and sorry from the bottom of my depressed ass heart that it took me so fucking long. Anyway here ya go, hope you enjoy some mobster Kylo deliciousness. I’m so excited you liked him Contesa, and I hope you’re into it as well too nonny! Sorry it got long, I truly have no control over that.

And thank you so much to @sacklersdoll for reading over this for me!

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: Angst (its me), Smut (its me), mentions of predator/prey dynamic (mostly as metaphor), possessive Kylo Ren, semi-public sex, no pronouns for the reader by they are afab, dominant Kylo Ren, some brat vibes, Kylo Ren is not nice, allusions to guns, some sorta stalking behavior

Ship: Mob Boss!Kylo Ren x Lawyer!Reader

Summary: You’ve started to take on some pro bono clients as a favor to a friend and Kylo Ren is Not A Fan™ of all the attention this guy has been paying you. After a few months of consulting on the side, you’re beginning to wonder if life working for a mob boss is something you’re really cut out for. Though you quickly learn that you very well may have passed the point of no return when Kylo shows up at your office to remind you just who exactly you work for.

“I really can’t thank you enough.”

You shook the woman’s hands and returned her smile. Her son stayed quiet, looking at the ground, but mumbled his thanks as well. He was a good kid. Just pissed off the wrong neighbor. One of those ‘get off my lawn,’ ‘good ole American dream’ types who thought welfare was a sign of the devil, and had it out for everyone in the lower tax brackets.

“Really, it’s no problem,” you walked them to the door, leaving her your business card. “I’ll see you both at the courthouse on Monday.”

Evan was waiting in your office when you returned. His patent leather shoes rested precariously on the corner of your desk and you knocked them off with a huff.

“See you’ve made yourself at home,” you said, crossing your arms and staring down at him in your chair.

He shrugged and stood under your scrutiny, moving around to take the seat across from you. Evan Goodman was an old friend from undergrad. You often got the impression he was still that same cocky frat boy in the head. Still flashed the ‘my daddy has more money than you’ smile on occasion when he really wanted to get under your skin. With his slicked back hair, unnervingly straight teeth, and his annoying prosperity despite never putting in much effort it was somewhat shocking the two still spoke. He was simply not the type of person who had ever needed to try. Success came naturally to him, and much to your dismay.

“What can I say? You’re a very gracious host,” he mused and leaned forward on the desk. “So, how did it go?”

You sighed, “They’ll be alright, might get saddled with a fine but the charges aren’t that serious.”

“Good, Rosa’s an old friend. I would have helped her out myself, but not really my deal ya know?”

“Yeah, Mr. Tax Attorney, I get it.”

Evan was kind of a dick, but he was also the kind of friend who would sit on the bathroom floor with you, hold your hair back and sing horrendous parody versions of ABBA no matter who heard. So you couldn’t hate him entirely. That also meant that when he came to you with cases like this, a favor for a friend or whatever the situation may be, you had a hard time refusing.

It was also a convenient front for you not-so-legal legal work you’d been invested in for the past few months.

“Seriously, I know I’ve been asking a lot of you recently,” he flashed you that god awful grin and kicked his feet up again. “You can tell me to fuck off if it’s too much.”

He had been coming to you for pro bono work with increasing frequency, especially over the past month or so, but again, you didn’t wholly mind it. You went into this kind of work for a reason. Though, you were starting to get the feeling that a certain, brooding, less than lawfully abiding businessman did not feel the same.

Kylo Ren dealt frequently with the shady, black market underbelly of capitalist society, but you were less accustomed to his world and not completely ready to throw yourself to the hounds just yet.

You had already missed more than a few meetings and canceled on dinner tonight to meet with Rosa. To be fair, it wasn’t as if he’d made any indication this ill-defined whatever-it-was going on between the two of you was anything serious. And you were only his consultant, for now, so this took precedent anyway. At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself of. Definitely not a way to avoid thinking about fucking your boss who also happened to be in with the mob.

Definitely not.

“I wouldn’t have agreed to help if I couldn’t manage it,” you yawned softly and stood to collect your things.

It was late and you were beginning to fantasize about how soft and warm your sheets would be. If you got back in time you could pop them in the dryer and get in an episode or two before bed.

“Hey, let me at least buy you dinner or something since I kept you out so late,” Evan parked his skinny frame in your path to the doorway.

“You’re going to apologize for keeping me out late, by keeping me out even later?”

“Do you want free food or not?”

Pursing your lips, you stared at him for a few moments. He really did know all your weaknesses. You had skipped out on meeting with Mr. Ren—or Kylo or sir or whatever the hell you were supposed to call him now—already tonight, however, Evan was sure to take you somewhere nice and it wouldn’t be so morally repugnant if it was just as a ‘thank you….’

“Okay, fine,” you conceded and let him lead you out to the parking garage, locking the office up behind you.

***

The next morning you stumbled past reception in a haze. Both from lack of sleep, and the bitingly cold winds battering your building despite the neighboring high rises blocking the brunt of the gale. The young woman at the desk informed you tersely that a Mr. Goodman was already waiting for you in your office and that you should really get here on time if you were expecting clients this early.

You agreed that, yes you probably should but, you know, “trains and all that mess,” and tried not to judge her too harshly. After all, she was the barrier between you and the hundreds of calls this place received daily.

Before slipping through the door with your name plate, you hung your coat on the rack and switched your phone on. It’d died on you last night amidst the allure of fancy, late night dinner and your sleep deprivation riddled brain had not cared enough to plug it in before bed. Fuck Amazon, but thank god for its speedy delivery of portable charges.

You chewed your lip as the lock screen came to life. One missed call and a text. Both, of course from the most anxiety inducing sender, Kylo Ren. Because why would it be anyone else? His name menacing even typed out in standard black font.

The text read:

Meet me at 8am.

It was very much like him—a command with punctuation and absolutely no details. The message receipt showed it was sent two hours ago, and it was already half past eight. Shit. Your fingers shook as you pulled up his contact and called. Every interaction left you coursing with adrenaline. Even now, miles away listening to the dial tone was nerve-wracking. Your heart pounded, hands slick in their grip on your phone. Maybe it was because you were never sure where you stood with him. Maybe it was because he was handsome and he knew it. Strong and he knew it. Intimidating and mysterious and closer in some ways to a Greek god than a man. He was all encompassing, and filled every available space in any room he occupied.

Sometimes you thought you might choke on his presence.

It rang once, twice, three times before cutting out completely. You stared down at the blank screen, biting your lip and shooting off a quick text. You were sorry, something important had come up, you would meet him the second it was convenient.

Evan slapped you heartily on the back when you came into the room. He was holding a bouquet of flowers, evergreen with small white blossoms.

“So, how many hours did you manage last night?” he asked, smiling his shit eating smile and seemingly unaffected despite the fact that he had to be running on just as little sleep as you.

“I’m not even sure at this point,” you groaned as you tossed your bags down behind the little metal desk. “Time ceases to exist when you take trains past midnight.”

“Fair enough. Hey look,” Evan waved the greenery in your face, “courtesy of Rosa’s shop. She insisted I bring you something as thanks. I figured you could put them out in the front or something to brighten things up.”

“They’re lovely. Please tell me you’re only here as a glorified delivery boy.”

His shoulders slumped at your lack of amusement, but before he could quip back the landline in your office rang. You answered, holding a finger towards Evan and leaning against the edge of the desk. It was the receptionist, Jess was her name? Maybe? You could never remember, someone else always addressed the holiday gift cards anyway.

“There’s someone here to see you at the front desk,” she clipped, almost more exasperated than before.

You told her you’d be right there and hung up. Evan grabbed his coat as you headed out, holding the door for you and following into the hall.

“I’ll leave you to it if you’re busy, but give me a call after Monday and tell me how it goes,” he continued rambling as you came out into the front.

You had a smart comeback prepared, something about how simple the case was, he should have more faith in you, he was the reason you were busy in the first place, etc…but every word turned to ashes on your tongue when you saw him.

Kylo Ren, standing right there at the desk and glaring at your receptionist. His suit was dark blue and ironed to perfection. Each leg was creased perfectly down the front and the jacket sat flawlessly on his wide set shoulders. He was a wall of unimaginably expensive fabric and what looked concerning like barely contained rage. You could see it in the twitch of his eye, the set of his jaw, and in the way his gaze landed on you the second you walked in.

The way a predator immediately hones in on its prey.

You froze just feet from him in the lobby, floundering like a fish on a hook.

Evan, for his part, seemed not to notice the tension at all and continued to say his long winded goodbyes, placing the flowers in your hands and completely unaware of the slow, measured tightening of Kylo’s massive hands into fists at his side.

“I’m free on Monday evening so we should—”

“She’ll be busy.”

Evan frowned, turning to face the man standing before him, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Kylo’s voice was a dark thing, low and rumbling, “She will be otherwise occupied.”

His words were punctuated by a step towards you, one paw of a hand easily gripping your entire jaw. Lucky he did too, otherwise it would have dropped straight to the floor when he shot one last cobra strike glare in Evan’s direction, and pressed his mouth to yours. Right there. In the lobby. For everyone to see.

The absolute bastard.

His lips were pillow plump and softer than the silk lining of his suit—and even through the surge of shock and embarrassment and more than a touch of anger—you felt your heart throb at the way he licked into your mouth.

The flowers tumbled from your hands onto the floor as everything in you went limp under his touch. This was nowhere near the first time you’d tasted him, but it was like this every time. Like drinking ambrosia. An otherworldly experience.

But that didn’t stop the sharp pain of his crushing grip on your arm, the way he nearly lifted your feet off the floor when he pulled away to drag along behind him. You could hear Evan spluttering in the hall behind you, the receptionist going back to clacking at her keyboard as if nothing had happened.

When Kylo opened your office door he just about threw you inside. You tripped as he tipped you in, stumbling and catching yourself on the edge of your desk. The power behind his hand alone was undeniable. You shuddered at the thought of the array of purple fingerprints he would leave behind. It made your mouth dry and your heart sink. Confusing and delicious.

And left you seething nonetheless.

“What the fuck was that?!” you were not calm, so you didn’t attempt any semblance of it.

“You didn’t answer me,” he said, level as he always was.

The quiet before the storm and all that.

“About the meeting? I tried to call, my phone died—”

“Because you were out catching trains at all hours of the night, I’m aware.”

You paused, glaring at the wall of muscle between you and the door, “How did you know that?”

“So you’re not denying it?”

Kylo stalked towards you like a beast in his tailored suit and polished leather shoes like talons. You could hear your heartbeat, hear the blood rushing in your ears. Just like a rabbit in the sightline of a hawk, you were clearly being hunted.

“Why would I deny something I’m not trying to hide?” your voice came out horse as he caged you between the desk and his chest, arms on either side to block any route of escape.

“No you are certainly not adept at subtlety,” he said and you couldn’t take your eyes off the way his tongue moved behind his teeth. “This is the fifth time that idiot in the hall has distracted you from work.”

“That’s not an answer,” you tried to spit the words but his eyes were boring into you. The honey of them spilled down your spine and made you shiver. “How did you know? You are not entitled to any information pertaining to my personal life, regardless.”

“Watch your mouth,” he growled. “Entitlement has no part in this.”

You were entering dangerous territory, though stopping curiously did not occur to you.

“I don’t think you have the right to be throwing out commands right now, not after that display.”

“Have you forgotten who you work for?” Kylo hissed at you, hands wrapped around the metal of your desk so hard you thought it might warp under his fingers.

“Of course not,” you desperately tried to keep your voice down lest anyone get even more a spectacle.

“Then what is this?” one hand left the desk and pulled a phone from inside his jacket.

The screen lit up, and you looked in horror at pictures of yourself. Pictures of yourself from last night. Pictures of yourself from last night at dinner with Evan, interspersed with shots of you crossing the street, waiting on the train platform, and stumbling back into your apartment. Each was clearer than you’d expected, presumably from some insanely expensive surveillance equipment. You had been out for hours, and you had been watched the whole time.

You narrowed your eyes, flicking back and forth between Kylo’s face—the graceful bridge of his nose pointed down at you—and gaped.

“You had me followed…” you breathed the words into the slowly shrinking space between your bodies.

He simply nodded, as if, somehow, you were foolish for not having considered this before. Perhaps you were. Perhaps you had no idea what you had gotten yourself into. Perhaps you had signed on for much more than a paycheck when you agreed to work for Kylo Ren.

“I can’t have my employees getting distracted.”

Kylo slowly drifted ever closer, shoulders bent so he was eye level with you. He pressed further into the desk, pinning you between his body and the hard surface that bit into your ass. Something long and thick and hard nudged your thigh.

“I don’t know why you though having me followed was necessary—”

“You’re an arrogant little slut who needs to be reminded of your priorities,” his hand snatched your leg and wrenched it open so he could stand between them, “ I am not something you do on the side.”

You could hear the way his teeth grit out the words, the way they formed as a growl deep in his beast’s throat. The hand still settled on the desk, skimmed up your hip and chest, his fingers

biting into your jaw.

“Do you understand me?”

Your lips were shut tight in a thin line, eyes wide and staring up like the prey you were. The silence only provoked him more. Snarling, two thick fingers wrenched your mouth open, pressing hard on your tongue and making you gag around them.

“Answer.”

Kylo Ren almost always spoke in commands. Having power did that to people, and rarely did it ever compel you, but his words sunk deep into your bones. Dredged up some dark, instinctual need to obey. To submit to this show of control.

“Yes,” you mumbled around his fingers in your mouth, drool slipping past your lips when they moved.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, sir.”

You watched him suck his teeth, grabbing your face tighter and dragging you close so he could spit directly into your open mouth. He slammed your jaw shut, nearly taking off the tip of your tongue and hissed into your ear.

“Swallow.”

Again, you did without a thought. And it was disgusting, but invigorating, sent off some spark in your stomach with how easily he bent your body to his will. There was no man like him, you decided. And maybe this was simply because Kylo Ren was not a man. That term alone would never do him justice.

In one shockingly smooth motion, you found yourself flat on your back, ass hanging off the edge of the desk with his hands on your hips. He ground himself against you, the throbbing of his cock evident even through the layers of clothing. That feeling on its own had you soaked through, thighs sticking with liquid excitement.

“Remember who you work for,” he growled into your neck, licking a long stripe up your throat and sucking at the exposed skin.

But it was very clear to you what he really meant.

Remember who you belong to.

You slapped a hand over your mouth as he bit down on the skin just above your shoulder, laving his tongue over the stinging flesh. Kylo pulled back, frowning down at you and yanking the hand away from your face. One held both your wrists in a vice lock while the other ripped your panties straight down your legs and left the dripping fabric discarded on the carpet.

“No, they’re going to hear you,” he grunted, and pulled one of your hands down, pressing it to your slit and running your fingers through your slick. “Go on, touch your fucking pussy and let them know what a little whore you are for me.”

It was something about his voice. Something in the way it left him, its timbre, its wonder, unquestioning. You could never refuse him.

So, with a small nod you parted your folds, head resting on a stack of files as you drew slow circles around your clit with a shaky hand. His eyes never left your cunt, tracing the movement of your finger and the trail of wetness that seeped from you to the desktop. Softly, you gasped as the familiar placement of your fingers made you clench and arch up. Kylo’s rubbed small circles into your inner thighs with his thumbs, kneading the flesh there.

When the spark was there, the lovely pulsing in your nerves alight, you dipped down, teasing and slipping inside, grinding down as best you could on your hand. It wasn’t enough, but nothing ever was since you’d been ripped open on Kylo’s cock.

Evidently he did not find your work sufficient either.

Another finger joined yours, stroking your lips and circling your entrance. His touch made you whine, the promise of hands that were not your own never ceasing to illicit a new gush of pleasure.

“I said,” he murmured, his touch so terribly feather light. “Let them hear you.”

He was like a gunshot, sudden and forceful and almost instantly had you screaming. Kylo slammed his fingers into you, so full and so deep, curling hard against that lovely spot inside.

“Kylo, god, please—” you moaned long and low, your face burning with the knowledge that the walls were barely thick enough to keep your phone calls private, much less the shameful noises he pulled from you.

“What was that?” he panted, adding another finger and pumping them deep into your cunt. “You can do better.”

Your teeth dug so hard into your lip you thought it might bleed, but you couldn’t take much more. The ledge was approaching—Kylo Ren knew it—and he was determined to push you straight into the fire.

You choked when his deliciously thick fingers were ripped from you, walls fluttering around the awful emptiness. Your head lolled back as you listened to him work the buckle of his belt and slacks open, and when you did glance down your mouth watered at the sight. Kylo—impossibly long cock throbbing in his hand—stood between your legs, stroking himself from root to tip. You watched little pearls of precum bead at the head while his thumb swiped across to smear them along his length.

“You are insane,” you hissed through gritted teeth.

Did you need to keep this position? No, technically you would be more than well off on the salary Mr. Ren so graciously provided. However, you could not mentally deal with being terminated for getting dicked in your office during work hours.

Kylo smirked, the edge of his perfect cupid’s bow cocked back and aimed straight at your chest. Without warning, he sunk into you, straight to the hilt and threw his head back as you sobbed with the sharp sting of being split in two on his cock.

“This is what you do,” he growled into your ear, hands on either side of your head as he worked his length back out only to pound into you again. “You work for me and you take my cock and don’t ever fucking forget that.”

Your legs were wound so tightly around his waist that had he been any other man, his ribs would have cracked under the pressure. His hair, falling in black, satin waves, was gorgeous even in the sterile office lighting. You threaded your fingers into it at the roots and held him while your body rocked against the desk. It’s metal surface pinched at your sink and made your back ache, though that was nothing compared to the burn of Kylo’s thrusts, sliding against your walls. You felt him in your throat. You always did. That was simply the way things were with him. He filled you painfully, thoroughly, took over all of your senses until it was just him.

And, strangely, it was the most alive you’d ever felt.

He was unlike anyone you’d ever known.

You couldn’t scream for him, but you could still let him taste the desperation, the willingness in your body to mold against him. So you kissed him, dragged him by the hair to meet your lips and licked past his teeth, gasping and moaning on his tongue as you sucked it hard and cried into his mouth.

And he drank you down, picking up a punishing rhythm and breaking blood vessels where his hands gripped your hips. One drifted lower, thumb pressing down hard on your clit as your cunt clenched around his length. The desk was lifting off the ground with every thrust, the room filled with the wet sounds of your bodies and you were quickly melting under him.

Warmth was spreading, growing, building out from your pussy, igniting in your veins. He was right. This is what you did. This is what he did to you. This toe curling, lip biting, bone shattering kind of pleasure.

Oh you were so royally fucked.

“I—oh shit—Kylo I’m,” you pulled back just enough to pant out a warning before the wave took you.

So hot, it washed over your skin and made your legs shake and your hands leave his hair to dig your nails into his chest through the crisp white button down he wore.

“Feel that?” he grunted as you convulsed and shuddered under him, “Feel how this pussy was made for me.”

You nodded, buried your face in his neck and held on as he worked you through your climax and straight into his own. Once, twice he ground his cock deep in you, feeling how tight you were around him until he was spent and spilling hot, thick ropes of cum that coated your walls and dripped out around his length.

He panted, lazily rolling his hips, fucking you slowly until finally, he came to a halt with his softening cock still sheathed inside you. Seconds past, or maybe hours, you couldn’t tell. Kylo tended to have that effect on you. Time slipped away so easily in his presence, like there was never enough of it.

When he did pull away, you stayed with your back firmly planted amidst the mess of scattered paperwork and manila envelopes. He rose to his full, towering height and tucked himself away, straightening the wrinkles in his suit and eyeing you only once from the side. You admired his profile, you never understood until now what the meaning of the word “regal” truly was.

Under the dictionary definition, his picture surely would be there, staring at you down the bridge of his marble carved nose.

You sat up on your elbows as he stalked towards the door.

“Was that all you came for?”

Kylo paused, broad back still facing you and leaving the room feeling irrevocably empty with just the intention of his absence.

“We’ll reschedule for five tonight,” he said, filling the door frame completely. “Don’t be late.”

The door clicked shut behind him and the sound of it made you collapse back onto the desktop. You laid there for a moment, leaking your combined spend and aching. The throb of him settled in your muscles and festered. But the worst part was the other ache, the pain of being without. And maybe you had been a bit avoidant. Maybe this work really was so you didn’t have to see him. Because if you saw him you’d end up fucking him—which was fine, which was good, which was great actually—but then he would leave. And you couldn’t decide which wanting was worse. The wanting before or the wanting after.

Maybe it didn’t matter.

You had more important things to think about anyway. Like securing the receptionist an incredibly large holiday bonus, assuming you still had a job here at the end of the day.

Maybe that didn’t matter either.

It might be high time you made a commitment to whatever the hell kind of mess you’d stumbled into. Kylo Ren was an enigma in the best kind of way. Maybe you should stop running from it.

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren smut #mob!kylo ren #lawyer!reader #dr. b writes #requests #adcu fanfic

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emilbecker · 2 years

Photo

TASK / character playlist. ( listen here )

PRESSURE. nobody asks me if i'm okay, and even if they did i would lie and just say, "i'm fine, good vibes, goodbye, good day sir" / i keep thinking i'm in a rush, maybe i've been thinking too much, maybe i don't want it enough, i need to get up, relieve some pressure. IN YOUR LIKENESS. i know i'm not made in your likeness, you're not made for my darkness, i know i'm not made in your likeness, i do try but i'm hopeless / watch my fears unravel, can you see the truth of me? i don't hold the light required, for this endless walk on wire. ¿. breathe, cold, another bad dream, got mud on my face that i can't get clean, feel whole, but i rip at the seams, if i can't get you away from me, taking showers every hour and i choke on steam, writing on the mirrors and the space between, all so tall, it broke the fourth wall, guess our fairy tale had a few plot holes. BUZZIN. i got them buzzing like a bee, now they do meet and greet / i got them buzzing like a bee, honey they gon' wanna drink me, i got them buzzing like a bee, now they all wanna see. HEY MAMA. my mama said that i'm not living right, she said, "i'm crying on you" she said, "i waited up for you all night" i said, "i'm trying mama".

CLOUDY EYES. kaleidoscope of butterfliesthis is where i wanna be, but then the colors change, the blue turns into grey / and then the rain turns into ice, hitting my skin like little knives, and when things finally calm, i realize i’m in the eye of the storm. INDUSTRY BABY. and this one is for the champions, i ain’t lost since i began, yeah, funny how you said it was the end, yeah, then i went did it again, yeah / i told you long ago on the road, i got what they waiting for i don’t run from nothing, dog, get your soldiers, tell ‘em i ain’t layin’ low, you was never really rooting for me anyway, when i’m back up at the top, i wanna hear you say, he don’t run from nothin’, dog, get your soldiers, tell ’em that the break is over. PEARLS. from the belly of the truth, bled to design, from the jaw to the tooth, ’til your soul's out / i was on top of the world, gold on my neck might go shopping for pearls. DESTROY, BUILD, DESTROY. oh, i won’t throw my soul away, yeah, not just for a quick pay, i need to own my life, before i lose my mind, torn apart, my heart on the floorbright lights pierce the dark, endless nights, throw it all away, make me lighter, i wanna start all over, start all over / fresh eyes, i just took off my old disguise, i just can’t live in compromise, heaven knows that i tried to live a double life, and i’ll be alright, build a new reality, build where i wanna be, you see, it’s calling me, yeah, it’s calling me, yeah, the siren that i needed, it’s calling me. ARISTOCRATS. i don't even know if i know my own mind, i don't even know if i'm on my own time, i don't even know if i know what's right for me, yeah, i don't even want a patch on my jacket, i don't wanna move another tax bracket, i don't wanna be a part of my family tree, i don't wanna turn my back, no, i don't want a part of that, in the aristocracy. GIMME A MINUTE. wide awake, just cut the head off of a snake, wanted venom, got a taste, you'll never know how much it takes, all the pain to fade away, where'd it go? someone just ripped out my throat, told me to sing while i was choked, wish i could tell you, but i won't, you should know, but you don't / just gimme a minute, gimme a minute, thought i got through it, maybe i didn't, uh, thought it was over, maybe it isn't. SILKSPUN. death is a measure, lay me forever, the world is on my back, i'm staring into blackness / fear how the stillness stares back like it knows what i mean, i fear me, forgiveness forget will spread evenly over the dead, o'er our death. GOLIATH. you're playing your best role but the mask shatters / where are you going, boy?when did you get so lost? how could you be so blind? how could you be so blind? / a sustained heart pain and a dark fever, how did i get fooled by such a savage curse? the more i forgive you, the more it backfires. DON’T WAIT FOR ME. been so long, i'm never done 'til kingdom come, so damn long, it's ever long, mmm, from it all, i'm scared to death but i can't help but think, that i could really live a better life / don't wait for me, don't wait for me, i'm fine. UPRISING. another promise, another seed, another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed, and all the green belts wrapped around our minds, and endless red tape to keep the truth confined / they will not force us, they will stop degrading us, they will not control us, we will be victorious. SING TO ME. talking to the mirror like i've seen him somewhere before, he said i look familiar, did we meet the other night? somebody once told me that there's two sides to life, what's yours? i might have accidentally let the darkness eat the light / sing to me, i am not doing well, getting tired of my own words, sing to me 'cause i can't hear myself, through the loudness of my own hurts, call me selfish when i say this, say this, i'm kinda helpless, and i need you, sing to me 'cause i'm not doing well.

#( e.b. ) character study.#under the readmore is more lyrics that made me cry over emi becker #i may have been listening to this all week #don't mind me using the same few artists for every playlist i ever make

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bangtann-bangdamn · 3 years

Text

Summary: Your assignment is clear; observe and do not interact. But you’ve done enough jobs to know what’s going to happen. Except nothing about your current assignment is normal.

Pairing: Jungkook x gender-neutral reader/shapeshifter reader

Genre: Sci-fi (I guess), action, mystery.

Prompt: “Without a name to myself, I still revolve around you.” (134340)

Word count: 1.4k

Warning: The whole premise is that YN is sent to kill Jungkook (well, eventually anyway). There is a gun at the end, but it does not get used. It’s kind of implied that things could get violent but it’s left open-ended. But yeah, feel free to skip this one if you don’t like guns.

The objective was clear; observe but under no circumstances interact.

It should have been easy. After all, this wasn’t the first time you had this brief. You would follow your target from the rooftops, place cameras in their home, listen to how they interacted with others. You would learn everything humanly possible about your target. It was supposed to make the second part of your job easier, but it never did.

It was a lot harder to kill someone when you knew them inside out.

But that was what you had been born to do. You had been created to be the ultimate spy. Implanted behind your right ear was your Genetic Variant. It was the only one in existence and it allowed you to change your appearance with relative ease. You would then assimilate their lives until your brief changed. Then you would acquire whatever information or object your boss desired before booking it.

But this time was different.

You were given a name and an address. They told you that he lived alone, so a photo of the guy wasn’t required. That in of itself wasn’t unusual. Many of the male targets you had had were single. They were older men who were married to their jobs, and thus settled for paid entertainment in the evening.

You had broken into your targets apartment with ease, the security surprisingly lax for someone with his tax bracket. His top floor penthouse apartment had none of the extra security measures your other targets were fond of equipping, so you had let yourself into his sparsely decorated suit through the service entrance and planted your surveillance equipment in every nook and cranny you could find.

Then you had settled into your hotel room and waited for him to return.

That was when you realised your target wasn’t like the others.

For a start, the man was hardly an adult. If you had to guess, he was barely in his twenties. He lacked the usual suit and tie of your targets, settling for a more relaxed grey tracksuit. He had entered the apartment slightly red in the face, a light sweat dusting his brow. He pulled his earphones from his ears as he started his warm down stretches.

Normally you would observe your target for a few days before reviewing their online profile. You found it helped keep your mind clear of any stereotypes and allowed you to naturally develop a sense of what they were like before the intricate details were introduced. But considering the man before you were a good forty years younger than your other targets, you thought you should read up on him.

Jeon Jungkook. Twenty-two years old. Born in Busan, had made his wealth while still in school at the tender age of thirteen when he had created an app that was a glorified scavenger hunt. The user needed to find the right location for a riddle to appear that would lead them to the next spot. The world had gone crazy with the idea and Jungkook had made a tidy sum of forty-three million when he sold the software to Microsoft. He had then started working on numerous other projects, including a tracking system used by NASA.

It was an impressive feat for a man so young. You watched as he finished his stretches and moved through his apartment to his kitchen. He fluttered about as he slowly readied his own meal.

He continued to surprise you from there. He was one of the wealthiest men in the world, and yet he had no security, no maid or cook or any form of help in his life. He did everything himself. Every single day, he did the same thing.

He would wake up at dawn for a swim in his private pool, shower before making himself a light breakfast. He would then retire to his home office to work silently for several hours before his phone would ring at precisely 11 AM. He would speak to a man named Namjoon, smiling fondly as he swivelled in his chair for the few minutes they spoke. He would then promise to take time away from his desk before putting the phone down. Stretch and then it was on to lunch. You would follow him at a distance, watching his dark head as he moved through legions of people without a care in the world. He would enter a deli that was a twenty-minute walk from his apartment, greet the workers with warm familiarity before ordering a sandwich. He would then take the sandwich and eat it at the park across the road. Slowly, he would make his way back to his apartment where he would work in his office until the early hours of the evening before heading to see his personal trainer. He would spend a few more hours working out before finally retiring to his apartment where he remained until he went to bed.

It was like clockwork his routine. You studied him for months, could recite his lines word for word with warm familiarity. Jungkook was a nice guy. Unlike every other target, he was polite and soft-spoken. He smiled at children, took time to help anyone in need regardless of their age. He held doors open and kept dog treats in his pocket for when a dog greeted him (with their owner’s consent, of course). He had all the money in the world, and no inclination to spend it on frivolous things.

He was an enigma to you. You could not find a reason as to why your boss had hand-selected him as your target and you had no way of finding out why, as was protocol for these missions. You were on your own, expected to follow and observe until your brief changed. And so that’s what you did. You changed your appearance every day you followed him, making sure to take a variety of faces of all ages and nationalities so he wouldn’t grow suspicious of you tailing him. He was none the wiser that anything out of the ordinary was happening.

Which was why you didn’t expect it.

He was on his way home from seeing his personal trainer. You tailed him easily enough, keeping an eye on him as he wandered four people ahead of you. You knew his route home well, you didn’t need to keep an eye attached on him. Which was why, as you were briefly distracted by a commotion on the other side of the street, you didn’t expect him to disappear on you.

You turned away from the commotion, moving to where you had last seen Jungkook standing. He was nowhere along the street that you could see, but he had stopped in front of an alleyway. You eyed it sceptically, glancing up and down the street to make sure no one was watching you. When you were certain that everyone was still distracted by the commotion, you entered the dark alleyway.

You scanned every nook and cranny as you walked, hoping beyond hope that Jungkook had been knocked out rather than kidnapped. You were never going to be able to explain what had happened if he had been kidnapped. The alleyway was a dead end and Jungkook was nowhere to be seen. You shook your head and was about to give up and try to locate him using one of your other means when you heard the sound of the hammer of a gun being pulled back.

You held your hands up as you turned slowly around, coming face to face with Jungkook. The kindness you were so used to seeing was no longer on his face.

He held the gun steady to your face as he took in your appearance. “Why are you following me?”

You made yourself look meek, cowering at his gun as your mind raced to find a way out of this that didn’t involve getting your brains blown out. “I-I was just looking for my - for my cat,” You whimpered, lowering your eyes from his in an attempt to appear weak.

“Bullshit.”

Your eyes flickered back to his as he calmly studied you.

“I know you’ve been following me for months now. I found your cameras.” His head cocked as you slowly straightened yourself to your full height. There was clearly no need to pretend anymore. “Who are you?”

You kept your hands up in an attempt to settle him. “I have no name,” you replied softly.

“Then what do you want?” He practically spat the words out.

You hesitated, studying him carefully before settling on telling him the truth. “I’m here to warn you. My boss wants you dead.”

BGW Drabble Master List

Master List

#btsghostiemarathon #btsghostie #bts #bts drabble #bts au #bts jungkook #jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic

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lunarr-rrose · 3 years

Video

Alternative Investment Vehicles

https://u109893.h.reiblackbook.com/generic11/the-storage-stud/alternative-investment-vehicles/

What are some alternative investment vehicles that someone can participate in?

Most people have been trained to get a job, put money into a retirement account, invest in stocks and bonds. Some reasons for this strategy are, it helps drive the economy and the other reason is that the custodians of these retirement accounts get payment when you purchase stocks and bonds.

Somehow when you invest in real estate, usually, these custodians do not get charge fees. This is also the reason why many people when they go to their fidelity account they are not allowed to invest in self-storage.

What you need to do is set up a self-directed retirement account (self-directed IRA/401K). This will allow you to invest in anything you want. Of course, there are certain parameters but for the most part, you are allowed to invest.

Fernando likes real estate because it’s a physical asset. For him, it’s a hedge against inflation. As the dollar continues to drop in values, at the same time the value of the real estate will also increase to keep up with the inflation.

According to him, he also likes real estate because it produces passive income. It allows you to lower your tax bracket.

One more reason for Fernando liking the real estate business, the self-storage specifically over stocks and bonds besides being a tangible asset is that he has more control over the outcomes.

His advice for those who do not have the time to buy real estate or self-storage is to participate in syndication. Meaning you can become an owner or silent partner of one of these real estate investments and get all the benefits of this business without having to do the work.

Fernando O. Angelucci is Founder and President of Titan Wealth Group. He also leads the firm’s finance and acquisitions departments. Fernando Angelucci and Steven Wear founded Titan Wealth Group in 2015, and under his leadership, the firm’s revenue has grown over 100% year over year. Today,

Find out more at

https://www.TheStorageStud.com

https://titanwealthgroup.com/

Listen to our Podcast:

https://thestoragestud.podbean.com/e/alternative-investment-vehicles/

-------------------------------------------------

So, I've been asked in the past, you know, what are some alternative investment vehicles that someone can participate in? You know, I'm very partial to self storage for a multitude of reasons. And we'll get into that here, but you know, that most people have been trained to, you know, get a job, put money into our retirement account and have that retirement account invest in stocks and bonds. It's basically yet, there's been a few reasons for that. Number one, it helps drive, you know, the economy. Number two, the people that usually, are usually the custodians of these retirement accounts. They get fees for you purchasing stocks and bond. With real estate, on the other hand, usually these custodians do not get to charge fees if you were to invest in these, you know, physical assets or real estate.

And that's the reason why many people, when they go to their fidelity account or their Schwab account, they're actually not allowed to invest in self storage. And that's just because they, that, the custodian won't be able to make any money off of that. So, what you usually have to do is set up a self-directed retirement account of some kind, so self-directed IRA or self-directed 401k. And, that will allow you to invest in anything you want within certain rules. There are certain parameters, but for the most part, real estate counts, the reason I like real estate is because it's a physical asset and it's a hedge against inflation. So, as the dollar continues to drop in value, because of that, the value of your real estate will also increase to keep up with inflation. And that's all that's, you know, that appreciation is just built in that's in addition to say, forced depreciation by renovating or rehabbing the property, or found appreciation by buying the asset below, you know, what its market value is.

And that's because real estate is a, you know, it's a non-perfect investment vehicle unlike stocks and bonds where there's always buyers and sellers on both sides. The, you know, it's very difficult to get a deal on stocks because there's always buyers and sellers. It's a nearly perfect investment vehicle, as far as where the value being based off of, you know, who's willing to buy and who's willing to sell. I also like real estate because it produces passive income. So, it allows you to lower your tax bracket, kind of shifting things away from the capital gains side of the world. Another reason I like real estate or self-storage specifically over stocks and bonds is yes, it's physical. I can touch it. I can go see it. I know it's there, but I also have a better grasp and more control over the outcomes. You know, when you invest in a Fortune 50 company.

There's very little, you can do it as an individual investor to sway that company into acting in a certain way, unless, you know, you're like Warren Buffet or somebody that can come in and buy a huge chunk of the available stocks to have voting rights that actually make a difference in that company. So, we've seen it time and time and time again, where companies will make terrible long-term decisions because they're driven by short term returns. You know, the problem with stocks is that they run on a quarterly basis every quarter, they need to show profit and they, many times do that at the detriment of long-term growth. And that's, you know, when it comes to becoming wealthy, the delayed gratification is a very important thing. The other thing I like about self storage is, if you're able to get into a deal, you can start using that for multiple tax advantage strategy.

So depreciation is a huge thing, where you can reduce your taxable income. Some of the issues that my investors have, is not that they don't make enough money is that they make too much money on paper, which puts them into the highest tax bracket. And they want ways to drop that down. So, investing in real estate is an easy way to drop your income fund. By applying that depreciation, there's also some called cost segregation. It's a cost that usually, it allows you to accelerate the depreciation schedule. So say, you know, a property has a usable life or a useful life of 29 years or 27 years. You, what you can do is you can take the value of that property divided by that useful life. And that's how much you can write off on your taxes and I'm generalizing here. But for the most part, that's how much you can write off on the depreciation schedule.

What cost segregation does is it says, well, you know, an engineer will come through, we'll look at everything in the building and say, well, these doors aren't going to last 29 years. These doors are going to last seven years. And you know, this flooring is only gonna last five years. And you know, these lights are only gonna last X amount of years. And what it does is then it contracts the depreciation schedule allowing you to take much more depreciation upfront. So for example, I bought an $800,000 self storage facility in Illinois. We paid $6,000 to have a cost segregation study done. And in the first year, we were able to write off $184,000 in depreciation because of that cost segregation study. So, these are things that you can't do with stocks and bonds. Again, the passive income is huge for us.

We, think that the easiest way to become wealthy is by having multiple streams of income and multiple streams of income that come in when you're basically sleeping. So, passive income. Now say you're, you know, you're an executive, or you're a busy professional, and you don't have the time to buy real estate or buy self storage. An option that is available to you is to participate in syndications. So, you can become an owner or a silent partner of one of these real estate investments and get all of the benefits of that real estate investment without having to do any of the work. So, you get passed through depreciation, you get passed through passive income, whatever your goals are, that's what you should look for in that syndication. I prefer syndications over the stock market. Usually the returns are much better, than what you'd find the stock market, even though right now, the stock market's doing really well.

I don't think that will last very long. So typically, you know, let's say, someone in the stock market is receiving about 8% average. I think that's a pretty solid number, on these syndications I've seen, because not only do I run syndications, but I also look at investing in other syndications to diversify my own personal portfolio. You know, I'm seeing stuff out there anywhere in the 12 all the way up to the 20% range, as far as returns, on some of this indications available. And that's, you know, that's really great, you know, I had at a 12% return, you're doubling your money, every seven years, which is pretty, you know, that's pretty fast accumulation of wealth. So, those are some options that are available to you. If you want to get involved in self storage, you know, you can either go out and buy your own and, you know, learn trial by fire.

And I really recommend everybody do that. But I understand some people it's just not for them or they just are too busy. They don't want to deal with it. Then they have the ability to invest in someone else's syndication when it comes to that, you got to be very careful about not only due diligence, the deal itself, but then also the due diligence on the spectator response because without them, the deal wouldn't happen. So, number one, you gotta make sure that they're being incentivized to complete a deal, especially if it's a longer term deal in the five to 10 year range, you got to make sure that they have the experience and you know, that the proper team around them to execute on their business plans. So, those are things that I really recommend to those that are seeking alternative investment vehicles.

You know, number one, if it's through an retirement accounts, set up a self-directed, if it's just your, let's say investment money, that's not in a retirement account, and then you don't need to do that. And then, go out there and start finding reputable sponsors with, you know, with good track records. They know what they're doing and know their asset class really well. So, let me know if you have any questions, feel free to put comments below if you have additional topics you'd like us to cover, you can drop those in there as well, and then feel free to reach out to us on our website or various social media platforms there. So again, this is a Storage Stud and see you guys next time.

#Real estate #Real Estate Investing #the storage stud #storage stud #Fernando Angelucci #self storage #alternative funds

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jewish-privilege · 4 years

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...[Zach Banner] was shocked—not just by the content of the message, which Jackson was in the process of walking back, but by the fact that he hadn’t even heard about this egregious incident. “I just sat there and I kinda questioned myself, like, man, how did I not see that?” said Banner. “It just ate at me ... It wrenched my heart.”

“I was so upset by DeSean’s comment, but on top of that, just like: How didn’t I hear about this and why didn’t we hear about this? And the reason why is because no one was speaking out about it.” Instead of going back to sleep, Banner decided to change that.

...This was how Banner, a star football player of African American and Chamorro descent, got his crash course on the Jewish experience [in college]. “I’m picking their brains about this,” he said. “I have a baseline knowledge of the Holocaust, I have a baseline knowledge of World War II. I know about, you know, the Nazi movement and things like that, genocide and that, but when I hear these stories, from a Jewish person, it’s very very passionate. I learned so many different things.”

He also saw his friends experience anti-Jewish prejudice firsthand, like being called kikes on the basketball court. “We would be doing things like any other fraternity, like intramural basketball [and] ... When you hear these things, you feel for them.”

“That’s something that is very similar to this situation,” Banner noted. “It’s just a little bit different because it’s more of a professional level and we are in the NFL.” Back in college, Banner’s teammates had restrained him from responding to anti-Jewish invective, out of concern that he could potentially jeopardize his position at USC. In 2020, he didn’t have to worry about that anymore.

The response from the Jewish community to Banner’s video was overwhelming. In 48 hours, his personal B3 Foundation—which provides resources, mentorship, and leadership opportunities to underprivileged Black and Brown students in Tacoma, Los Angeles, and Guam—raised $38,000. By the time we spoke, it was $60,000—most coming in $18 donations. At first, this confused Banner, who asked his foundation manager about it. “I said, ‘Why is everyone donating in increments of 18? Like what is this?’” She explained the significance of the number, which represents “life” in Jewish tradition, or “chai.” Others donated $36 or $72—which besides being a multiple of 18 also happens to be Banner’s jersey number. Jews across the country invited him to Shabbat dinners—“Somebody told me how to pronounce that, I thought it was ‘Shah-bit,’” he laughed—and someone even sent him fresh baked challah bread in the mail.

“It’s just one of those things where I feel honored,” he said. “I made the video to defend my friends. I didn’t expect the whole Jewish community to have my back.”

Following this outpouring of support, Banner posted another video calling on the NFL to confront anti-Semitism in its ranks, and thanked the Jewish community for its response. Then he made a request of them: “I ask you to keep that same energy ... Keep that same energy moving forward.”

In other words, more than appreciation or even attention to his foundation, what Banner wants is for this moment to be an invitation to a lasting relationship. Toward this end, I asked Banner how the Jewish community could stand with him and his community the way he had stood with theirs. His advice mirrored his own experience in learning about Jews: Listen to our stories.

“As the Jewish community, just listen to those voices, understand and sympathize—as somebody who has literally been massacred because of what they are and [the] history of its people—feel for us because it’s real time, real life, right now,” he said. “There’s a fear that cops have for Black people and that fear is causing them to pull out their guns and shoot them. There are other things, and that’s one of the bigger ones, but there’s also like other systemic legislation that’s needed to be overturned and changed and rewritten.”

Banner illustrated this by reference to his own personal experience: “When I get pulled over by police, as someone in the top percent tax bracket [who] has earned his way up here, I roll all my windows down, I take my wallet, my license, my insurance card, and my registration, I put it on the dash and I put my hands on the steering wheel, and I’m so nervous—trying to stay calm, trying to stay collected, but I’m nervous. I’m scared. For my life.”

“I’m the top of the top. I’m in the NFL. I’ve been dreaming about here my whole life, and I’m scared like that. I have felt that way since the first time I got pulled over by a cop when I was 16 years old. And I’ve been pulled over maybe like eight times. Now, don’t get me wrong, sometimes I was speeding. But I see videos, man, I see videos of other races and other people and how casual they are when they get pulled over and sometimes they have the nerve to yell back ... Like I’ve seen some crazy stuff, man. That’s what I would like for your people to help mine with.”

Meanwhile, as he continues to fight for justice for his community, Banner plans to continue to deepen his relationship with the Jewish one. “The West Coast has a huge Jewish community, all the way up and down it. That’s where I’m from, so I’m excited to get back over there and show love to the Jewish community out here in Pittsburgh,” he said. “I’m talking to rabbis and going downtown to the Tree of Life synagogue that had the shooting, to look at the kids and say, ‘Hey, I got your back.’ That’s my job, as Zach Banner, moving forward.”

#zach banner #anti black racism #antisemitism #white supremacy #k slur #slurs

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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How The Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main Street Earned Its Rep

https://ift.tt/3v9EdsV

Apple TV+’s docuseries 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything makes it seem like The Rolling Stones’ Exile On Main Street album was more fun to record than listen to, and that sets a high standard. The record distills the band’s sounds, from acoustic world music political ballads, through deep heartfelt blues, to honky tonk so funky you have to shake your ass. The group plays country, Southern blues, R&B, and the almost-punk-before-punk “Rip This Joint.” “Tumbling Dice,” is a radio staple. Keith Richards even took the lead vocals on a track to keep you happy. There was so much material, it came out as a double album. What could be more fun than that?

Richards’ Nellcôte mansion, on the Côte d’Azur in the South of France, was the hardest rocking musical getaway paradise in 1971. It was a Rock and Roll Main Street, and even the most mainstream players mainlined the exile vibe. Guitar god Eric Clapton and underground country legend Gram Parsons mixed drinks and drugs with movie stars like James Caan and Faye Dunaway, while playwright Terry Southern stopped taking note, according to Robert Greenfield’s book Exile on Main Street: A Season In Hell With The Rolling Stones.

William S. Burroughs inspired Mick Jagger to cut and paste a word collage together to form the lyrics to “Casino Boogie.” Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr dropped by the almost-week-long afterparty for Jagger’s wedding to Nicaraguan-born model Bianca Pérez Morena de Macias in Saint-Tropez. John Lennon, who was on methadone treatment, reputedly threw up at the foot of the grand staircase and passed out in it.

“The sunshine bores the daylights out of me,” Jagger sings on “Rocks Off,” the album’s opening song. The Rolling Stones strolled through their recent past darkly. The murder of Meredith Hunter at the Altamont speedway concert in late 1969 signaled, to many, the death of decade’s peace-and-love counterculture. But the band’s troubles went all the way back to the Redlands drug bust of 1967, and the death of Brian Jones. Adversity worked well, creatively, for the Stones, and they continued to pump out classics like “Gimme Shelter” in 1969, and controversy like “Brown Sugar” in 1971. Sticky Fingers, their ninth album, hung nicely at the top of the charts on both sides of the Atlantic.

The songs, and Allen Klein’s aggressive managerial money-making maneuvers, put the band in the 93% tax bracket for Britain’s highest earners. The Stones owed more than they could pay. To avoid penalties, they moved to France. Mick went to Paris. Mick Taylor, Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts bought or rented places along the French Riviera. Richards and his girlfriend, German-Italian actress and model Anita Pallenberg, moved into Nellcôte, a villa in Villefranche-sur-Mer, near Nice. During the Nazi occupation of France during World War II, the seaside mansion was the headquarters of the local Gestapo. Swastikas were carved into floor vents, staircases and ventilator grates.

Culture

How Tina Turner and Frank Zappa Whipped Up Some Dirty Love

By Tony Sokol

As pointed out in 1971: The Year That Music Changed Everything, the Stones had recently signed with Atlantic Records, and the label wanted an album. The band scoured the Riviera for a suitable recording studio, but wound up parking their mobile studio next to Keith’s house. Richards transformed the basement into a recording studio, and the band stole electricity from the railway tracks across the street to power amplifiers and the mobile recording truck.

The layout wasn’t the best. Bill Wyman, who is only credited for eight of the album’s songs on bass, plugged into an amp which was mic’d up in the hallway. Producer Jimmy Miller ended each take by running from the truck into the basement to check sound. The humidity caused the guitars to go out of tune. This gave the album its working title: “Tropical Disease.” The song “Ventilator Blues” was inspired by the conditions.

The band also had to deal with Keith’s erratic schedule. “I never plan anything,” Richards says in the documentary Stones in Exile. “Mick needs to know what he’s going to do tomorrow. Whereas I’m just happy to wake up and see who’s hanging around. Mick’s rock; I’m roll.” Richards, Taylor, Watts, pianist Nicky Hopkins, saxophonist Bobby Keys, drummer Jimmy Miller, and horn player Jim Price would jam all night while engineer Andy Johns ran the reels. Sessions would start when the guitarist rolled out of bed, or before he slipped off to put his son Marlon to sleep. After that Keith might pull a disappearing act, playing guitar in the un-mic’d second floor bathroom, or passing out. Richards was open about pot and alcohol, sharing liberally, but quiet about his heroin use.

Richards got clean in the spring of 1971, but hurt his back in a go-kart accident, according to Greenfield’s book. His vehicle flipped while racing his friend Tommy Weber at a track in Cannes. Richards took morphine for the pain, and within a few months, was using again. For sessions, he’d down a Mandrax, which is like a Quaalude, with whiskey. Charlie Watts was drinking brandy until he was past sloppy, and Jagger was taking speed to keep up with the hours Keith set. It was Richards’ place, and Mick was almost a hostage. When he left, it seemed nothing got done. Richards, left alone, could be downright dangerous. He almost burned himself, Anita and the entire house down when he fell asleep with a lit cigarette.

Richards was buying pure, uncut heroin from Castilian dealers. He was getting it by the kilo, and it became part of the social regimen of the villa. He shared so regularly with Gram Parsons that Mick got jealous, professionally. Parsons wanted Richards to produce his next album and join him on tour, which would have left the Stones without their guitarist for two years. Parsons was quietly asked to leave. Drugs split the Stones into two camps: Jagger, Wyman and Watts stuck to pills, booze and softer drugs. Richards, Taylor, producer Jimmy Miller, sax player Bobby Keys and engineer Andy Johns shot dope.

It cost them their gear. Wyman’s bass, Keys’ saxophone and nine of Richards’ guitars were stolen by dealers from Marseille who were owed money, while the entourage was watching television during the day. The Stones’ lawyers bribed local police to keep the party going, but even the most corrupt French cops, like Captain Louis Renault in Casablanca, have their limits. Besides, the Stones were welcomed in France because they were rich rock stars who were going to spend lots of money. If all their cash went to illegal and nontaxable drugs, the French government didn’t have much use for them.

The tipping point seems to have come with Anita Pallenberg. She maintained a steadily rocky relationship with the Stones. Richards stole, or saved, her from a paranoid and abusive Brian Jones, and there were rumors Jagger had an affair with her while filming Nic Roeg’s Performance in 1968. According to Greenfield’s book, Mick also slept with her while Richards was on the nod during the Exile sessions. Police came knocking to ask about a claim that Pallenberg had given heroin to the 14-year-old daughter of the villa’s chef.

The French police left without validating the charge, but said they’d be back to have a better look around the mansion. Richards and Pallenberg took off on his speedboat, fittingly named Mandrax II. The rest of the band slipped out soon after with the tapes. Pallenberg and Richards were charged with possession of heroin with intent to traffic in 1973. They were then exiled from France for the next two years.

The party continued when the Rolling Stones reconvened in Sunset Sound studios in Los Angeles. The band tossed TVs off the balconies of hotel rooms with Marc Bolan and Neil Young. The tapes for the album stretched from 1969 to 1972. The band edited hours of jams into song structure. Jagger scatted melodic placeholders for unfinished lyrics, and recruited session players like Billy Preston and Doctor John to fill in any sonic emptiness. The words to “Tumbling Dice,” for instance, were written last minute. The song has an unusual structure, as the verses become shorter, the choruses get longer. It may have Watts’ best drum performance.

Exile on Main Street contains some of Richards’ best guitar work. The album really belongs to Keith. “Happy” is almost entirely his. He’s on vocals, guitar and bass, with Miller on drums, Keys on maracas, overdubs from Taylor, and backing vocals from Jagger. “Sweet Black Angel” is a political love letter to civil rights activist Angela Davis. “Shake Your Hips” put the hair on ZZ Top’s lips. The album cover set the visual tone for punk. Some people claim it’s the Rolling Stones’ best work. It is a classic which catches them at their hedonistic peak. Its dirty, loosely played backing created an identifiable sound. The Stones’ first double LP, it is best heard in its entirety, and earned its street cred.

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1971: The Year Music Changed Everything is available to stream on Apple TV+ now.

The post How The Rolling Stones’ Exile on Main Street Earned Its Rep appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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lanaisnotwool · 4 years

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youtube

421 - 401K Rip-Off

https://moneyripples.com/2020/09/11/421-401k-rip-off/

Are 401K’s a good idea?

Is it possible that you are worse off with a 401K?

Where can you invest instead?

Chris runs the numbers to see what happens if you invest with a 401K. It is catered for you and is filled with the information you need to make the right decisions and making a ripple effect to the lives of others.

Listen to our Podcast here:

https://www.blogtalkradio.com/moneyripples/2020/07/30/421--the-401k-ripoff

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Hello, my fellow Ripplers! This is Chris Miles. Your Cash Flow Expert and Anti-Financial Advisor. Welcome you out for a wonderful show. A show that is for you, and it’s about all of you. Those of you that work so hard for your money. And you’re ready for your money to start working harder for you. Now! You want to work because you want to not because you have to. You want to have that cash flow. That freedom. That prosperity. Today! Not 30 or 40 years from now, but right now, to be able to have that life that you love. To do what you love while you can still live. While you still have life in you. And it’s not just about having your own life of comfort and ease and freedom, which is amazing, but it’s about so much more. It’s about be able to create a ripple effect to the lives of others. Because as you prosper, you can use your blessings to bless the lives of others too. And that is a ripple effect. I’m here to create guys. Thank you for allowing me to create that ripple effect through you. And thank you again for bingeing, for sharing with others, for creating conversations, right? Because the only way to elevate your success is to elevate your conversations of success as well. And guys, you guys are doing an amazing job. Thank you so much for being a part of this and allowing me to create a ripple effect through you.

As a reminder check out our website, MoneyRipples.com Well, not only do we have the great e-book, Beyond Rice and Beans, that you can download for free, which will help you find money. Especially if you’re looking for a cash and be able to use and be able to create more freedom. There’s also great blogs. There’s even videos of this very episode being posted as well. So check that out. As well as our YouTube page. So check those out!

Today, guys. So again, I get this all the time because I get it. When the rest of the world is telling you to believe one thing, and you’re trying to do something different. It’s hard to break that pattern, right? Hey, we’re witnessing this in the world right now. There’s debates going on and between majorities and minorities and everything else, and it is creating a lot of debate, but the one thing you don’t see, many people debate is actually in the realm of money, right? When it comes to money, most people would agree going with the mainstream advice. It’s spend little, save a lot, save it in your mutual funds like your 401k is and get that employer match because it’s “Free Money”

Stay out of debt! You know, do all these things that you’re supposed to be doing that should somehow create freedom. Like guys, it has not worked! Period. Now you might think that somehow it has worked. Now, we might look back to grandparents generations, but understand is that there’s a ton of workers, funding, their social security and other things. They had pensions. We don’t! They have their pensions right now. There’s school teachers right now out of pensions, like running out of money. There’s States that are bankrupt right now. Government workers that aren’t getting the things that were given to us even few decades ago. And right now it’s relying upon you to create your own freedom. You cannot rely on anyone else. You cannot trust the government will have a decent amount of cash for you to use. It’s really up to you. So what’s been the answer of course, over the last several decades? It’s been the 401k, right?

I’m here to tell you the 401k is a Big Fat Lie! Now, granted. Does it do what people think it does in the sense that you defer taxes? Yes. You can have employer matches, which is like having free money. Yes. By the way, that’s just means that they’re just not paying you as much, just so you know. You know, it’s just a benefit, the company benefit of the add on, they just take it away from your salary anyways. All of these things, you know, is it essentially a real tool or a vehicle? Yes, it is. It’s a tax code that started back in, you know, back in the Carter era, right in the late seventies and by about 1980 and so on. Even though most employers didn’t really implement it, at least for the average worker, usually by the mid eighties, you start to see the average workers getting offered 401ks.

It became more mainstream. Now you have to ask yourself first and foremost, why does this thing becomes so big? Right? Why did people just keep using IRAs? Or why don’t we keep, you know, why don’t we start making roth IRAs more popular? Since that’s been around now for 20 years. More than 20 years. You know, we’ve had that for a while, but why aren’t people going crazy about the Roth? Now there’s some people that say it’s great, but the truth is you can’t save enough into a Roth. Can you? $6,000 or $7,000 a year is not enough to retire on. It’s nothing. It’s a ridiculous rule that you have the Roth IRA that kind of loses it. You’ve got things like life insurance out there that we talked about before. That is tax free, much like a Roth. It’s the same kind of taxation, but you can dump it a lot more.

But even then guys, if you’re trying to rely on a product to get you there, it won’t do it! There is no one single financial product that any financial advisor will offer you or your employer wall for you that will get you to financial freedom. And that’s what we are talking about today. Specifically, I’m going to focus on the 401k and why it’s a lie. Now understand that when it came out into the Carter era, taxes were much worse. Now there’s an article that one of my good friends sent and he sent it to me. He said, Chris, you should check this out. Very interesting. It’s actually an article in Bloomberg about 401k dated back on July 21st. Now this article, I’m not going to quote from it completely because even as I was reading it, I started to see some inaccuracies. The basic premise is pretty interesting.

Some of his solutions were different. He was talking about changing the 401k to be more flexible. More rules. I’m not opposed to that, but it doesn’t really answer the basic question. But he did bring up some good points about what happened when it started. So for example, the points that were good, right? And by the way, I know these are bad points and not only was it bad, I decided to look at the comments, which is never a good idea. If you want to stay in a good mood. When you look at the comments and people are railing into them saying, Hey, this was inaccurate. This was inaccurate. Right? But even with those inaccuracies that decided to go back and use some of those arguments, people were debating about, well, yeah, tax were higher, but medium income was lower. So I said, great. Let’s pull up the historical bureaus and find out what the census said, you know, on those things.

So anyways, I took a trip back in time to figure out what it really was. So here’s the first thing he said, the Marshall tax rate was higher in 1980, which is true. Your tax rate could be anywhere. It was taxed by just, but get this. We have eight tax brackets right now, right? In the federal income tax. The lowest is 0%. Of course. The highest is 37%. That is the highest bracket possible. Now you don’t get tax all that. It’s a scale that goes up, right? So as you hit each income bracket, that portion of that income bracket is taxed at that rate. So for example, right now missing, I’m not exact on the number. So I just closed them off, but you can get, basically get taxed 0% from like zero to about 18,000 bucks, right. Per year. So you have 18,000 or less of income.

You’re not even getting a tax on the federal side. State, maybe, but not on the federal. Then jumps up to like 10 and then 12 and so on. You know, so the top tax bracket for the median income today, by the way, the median household income today is about $78,500. So the top tax he even hit is 22%. By the way, the tax is owed as of 2020. If you make 78,500 on the federal tax, I’m not talking about the state taxes. Federal tax, you’ll pay 10,332 bucks, which is just over 30% of your income. Your total income. In 1980, the median income was 28,220 bucks. And this is across all races. I found out that white races were actually much higher. It was like 51,000. And I thought that was really interesting to see how it’s such a bigger discrepancy back then. I’m not surprised, but still pretty surprising how much the average white household was making was about 51,000.

But the median household income with all races, just like I did with 2020 was 28,220. Now with all the tax brackets, I did all the math on it. The tax, your taxes owed would be $5,663. So just over half of what you would have you paid today for the median income. The difference is though it’s about a third of the income, right? So that total percentage that you would have paid taxes back in 1980 was 20%. And also here’s the thing. The top tax bracket in 1980 was 70% with zero to 70%. With 16 brackets along the way there. So your top tax bracket even at the median household income, which wasn’t a lot 28,000 bucks, right.

Was still in that 32% tax bracket. That’s the bracket you’re in. The top bracket. So that’s where you’re paying more. So of course, if you’re looking for ways to reduce your taxes, why not find something to give you a tax deferral. In hopes that you would live on less. Here’s a faulty premise of course, is that even if you started saving in 1980, let’s say you have saved for the last 40 years. And I know some of you have. The problem is you’re probably noticing you’re not in a whole lot lower tax bracket today, are you? You know, maybe you earn a decent income, but income goes up with inflation, right? So of course the inflation you’re still having to make more. Now, granted right now is a lower tax bracket, for sure. So if you happen to retire today and you’ve been saving for awhile, you might be pretty happy.

But if you’re saving today, this might be the worst time to try to use a tax deferred account. Because right now we are in the lowest tax brackets we’ve been in decades. You know, this is amazing! These are, the tax rates are awesome! Even better than when I started working. Why would I try to avoid paying taxes now and go for a future date when it’s likely to be higher? And here’s the thing, guys, even if the brackets remained the same because of inflation, you have to consume more money each year to live. If you do, guess what, you’re getting tax on it. By the way, if you’re trying to count on social security, yes, you can get tax on social security. If you pull out more than a certain amount per year, and that’s not a lot of guys, it’s not a lot. So that’s the thing is that right now, it’s just based on taxes alone. The concept was great back then, which was, cause there was high taxes. They’re trying to pay for crazy stuff.

Inflation was going through the roof. It made sense, right? It made sense to say, Hey, the tax rates are ridiculous. I’m likely to be in a lower tax bracket because there’s so many tax brackets. It’s not hard to get to a lower one. So it was easy to kind of contribute to that and lower your tax bracket. But you’re delaying that tax for the future. You’re not really saving any taxes when you do a 401k. In fact, you saved nothing. And remember your employer’s contributions are going in as well, tax deferred and they come out taxed. So that’s a big one right there. Now here’s the thing is that people will say, okay, Chris, got it. You know, what’s the alternative, you know, what about now? You know, what’s going on today? Like what would you recommend?

Here’s the thing guys, again, I’m never going to make blanket statements. I’m not going to make blanket recommendations. I’m not going to give investment advice on the show. That’s because it’s illegal. I can’t do it. Right? But let me give you an example of what can happen because here’s the other problem with the 401k that’s a lie. Now people think with a match, right? This is the other big argument I get all the time. They’re like Chris, does it match though? That’s like a 50% match. That’s like a 50% return or a hundred percent match. It’s like a hundred percent return. So guys, I decided to do some calculations. I said, let’s do it by the numbers. That was another criticism on this guy’s thing. They said they didn’t really go by the numbers. He’s right. He didn’t, he was giving more conceptual stuff. Again, this is why I’m not really sharing the article. Cause it’s not. It’s good, but it’s not great. Right?

It’s not something you’d take as gospel for sure. So look at this way, whenever I talk to people or say, okay, Chris, this is what I’ve been doing. They’re like, I maxed out my 401k. Now when we calculate that with the match, because the match doesn’t go over usually 5% 6% a year. Anyways, if you get a hundred percent, most like get a 3% match or something or 4% maybe. But I said, okay, let’s go for the top that I’ve seen. Usually I won’t see with employer contributions. I won’t see more than 25,000 going in per year. So that’s great. Let’s just say that’s the case. I’m going to run two different scenarios. One have a person that’s about 45 years old with a quarter million saved up in the retirement account. That’s maxing their 401k for the next 20 years. And then I got somebody who’s 25 years old, starting from scratch. Also maxing out their 401k.

Which most people don’t do when they’re 25, but I’m going to say somebody is staying cheap. They’re the ultimate ideal saver, right? And they’re saving for the next 40 years and earning this. Now here’s the another debate. People say, well, what’s the real return? You know, this is why he got, I’ve put the match into this equation, right? With the match. You know, the real rate of return the market is anywhere usually between 7.4% and 7.6%, depending on the day. That’s of course the average I’ve seen like a 30 year average over time. It’s not 10 or 12%, the S&P500 doing at best, right around seven and a half. As of right now, July to July 2020, July 1990 to July of 2020, we went from the first to the first it’s about a 7.47% average.

Now like a real rate of return, not 10 or 12, that’s makes a massive difference when you’re started looking at 20 or even 40 years down the road. I figured, okay, we got that. But remember, there’s also fees in 401ks. And this is something that I saw in those comments. People are like, Oh, I’ve got like 0.04% cause I use Vanguard funds and all that stuff. Here’s the deal, guys. The fees in a 401k, aren’t that bad and even said he’s like, Hey, if you can get outside of the 401k, your fees will probably be less. Right? But here’s the deal guys. Most people never get that. And especially if you have money to go in a 401k, your fees are at least 1% on average. That’s pretty typical. They’re just the administrative fees that are inside 401ks. 401ks by the way, have like almost 20 different fees they can charge you.

So, and they’re all embedded with them. They don’t really make them very public. They’ll make them easily known. This is why people say, Hey, the Mark has been up, but my money’s not going up. Right. If you’ve ever said that, especially if you’ve been in the market long enough, you’ve felt this or noticed it before. You’re like, Hey, the market went up, but my money didn’t. There’s something wrong. This is part of the reason, fees are coming out. So I actually went kind of on the high end. Usually I don’t see people netting more than 6% rate of return. I put this at 6.25, I bonus you a quarter percent because the truth is, my point still going to win out. Even if I’m overly liberal with these numbers. Right? And not even being conservative. I’m actually being liberal against my own point.

I’m playing devil’s advocate against myself. Right? So 6.25%. Again, guys, I know the numbers going out because I just know a few of the guys are going to try to run the numbers yourself. So this is why I’m doing this. So anyways, here’s the deal. So I took that person. I said, Hey, what if you’re 45 years old? You’ve got a quarter million in your 401k as of now, which I know there’s several of you that do around this time. You’re max funding it. You’re going in about 25,000 a year with a match. I’m assuming you’re making that 120,000 or so a year. If you’re making less, it’s less right. But I’m putting this up, you know, kind of on a more conservative end where somebody might be max funding this. So you’re getting in a total of 25,000 a year. At six and a quarter percent after 20 years, you will have about $1.84 million.

So you have nearly $2 million. Now you might think that’s a lot, but you got to understand. There’s another thing working against us, which is inflation. Now I went conservative on this number. Again, playing devil’s advocate against myself, but I just decided to make this a number of conservative. I put it at a 4% inflation rate. Do not trust the government says about what, you know, their consumer price index and the inflation rates are. They’re messing with those rates to slow down the increase on social security payments to you. You know? So they’re trying to let that money stretch and last longer, they’re manipulating those numbers in real life, though, if you notice your real life, it’s not too far fetched to say, you know, about every 10 to 15 years, you know, my lifestyle has to kind of double.

Like what I’m living on today. I’ve got to have about double that within 15 years. You know, if you’re living on $4,000 a month back in 2005, you’re probably living on about $8,000 a month now. Again, changing circumstances with the life that’s the thing with inflation is kind of weird. You can’t really count on it because life situations changes. It can go more or less, but I put it 4%. There’s debates that it could actually be like 6% or 7%. It’s more closer what it’s been. Since we’ve been taken off the gold standard back in the early seventies. So anyways, I put it at 4% just to make it better. Here’s the key guys. When you’re looking at lifestyle, cause $1.84 million sounds great in 20 years. But when you look at the after inflation adjustment, that’s almost like having $840,000. So, and by the way, you haven’t paid taxes on this money yet. You still gotta pay taxes.

So say a quarter of that goes to taxes. You’re now left with about $600,000, right? And we’ll say 650,000. Again, I’ll be overly conservative on this number. 650,000. Here’s the key, again, financial buyers have taught this for years. Some people will say 4%. You can live on, right? That you’re not supposed to take out more than 4%. That’s an old number. That’s a number that worked before, back in the seventies. Most advisors that they’re, if they’re up to speed, won’t say more than pulling out 2% or 3%, especially with people living longer. So if you want your money to last, you want to pull out more than 2% or 3%. So what if you pulled out 3% of this after inflation adjustment of 650,000, that means you have about $19,500 a year lifestyle living on. You have a quarter million right now, you max out your 401k for the next 20 years.

And that’s like, you know, that’s a lot, right? They were putting in like over 18,000 19,000 a year into your 401k only to live on about 19,000 a year after you’ve paid taxes. That doesn’t sound so great. Does it? What if you started brand new? What if you’re a brand new person coming in and you’re like 25 years old, starting from scratch. You start immediately max funding that 401k, just like everybody tells you, you do that for 40 years. Six and a quarter percent with inflation working against you. Well guess what? The ending balance is almost 4.4 million, but after inflation, it’s more like 900, just over $900,000. So when you live on that, and remember you have to take out taxes. So let’s say a quarter of that goes into taxes. You’re left with less than 700,000. Again, you’re living on about, you know, if you factor in 3%, you’re living on about 20,000 a year. It doesn’t get any better.

This is why I say that 401k is a lie! You can not retire of 401k alone. Roth IRA won’t get you there by itself. And you can’t put in enough to make it work. You know, you factor in, even with the 401k, even with the match, you’re max funding it, unless you’re making a half million a year and you’re trying to stuff at full, most likely you can’t even do it that way. No, you can’t even do that much. It doesn’t matter. After some point you actually get restricted IRAs too. Some of you might say, well, I’ll do a SEP IRA. So I can do more of my income. I know some of you I’ve talked to, you put in 50,000 a year. It doesn’t matter, guys. You’re putting in 50,000 a year. You just double that number. And by the way, when you’re putting in SEP IRAs, you’re putting in your own match.

So the truth is you’re not even getting free money. You’re putting in all your own money to then live on about 40,000 to 50,000 a year down the road. If that. You get my point here? Is that whatever you’re trying to max fund into it. If you’re lucky, if the market smiles and you just right, stays around the average, you’re lucky to maybe pull out the same amount of money you’re pulling in. So whatever you’re putting in that’s about what you can pull out. That’s not fantastic, guys. That’s actually seems ridiculous because you can say, wait, I can just take that money, save it. You know, I can save it. Just keep it certain, not have to gamble the stock market. Because if you do like what happened to my dad Y2K knocked his retirement downright before he retired. It postponed his retirement. 15 years guys. That, I mean, this is again assuming averages. This is not assuming what if the market crashes, what if you’re trying to retire next year? And the market crashed in the next few years. Are you going to wait another five years to retire? That’s what some are doing. That’s ridiculous. It’s crazy. It’s insane.

Now let’s look at the alternative. Cause you say, Chris, what’s the alternative. So, you know, we’ve talked about different things. So I took the example of like AHP. Again, never guaranteed, right? But American Homeowner Preservation, you know, you hear their ads on this radio sometimes. They’d pay 10% a year right now. So what if you did the same thing, but here’s the thing. You’re not getting an employer match. Right? So say that you won, you had the 250,000 sitting in your 401k. You cash it out, right? Well, you might be able to avoid the penalty depending on COVID and the cares act, right?

But at least with taxes, you’ve pulled that money out. Let’s say you lose 60,000 of that quarter million. You’re left with 190,000. Okay. There you are. You’ve got 190,000. You can invest it. So say you go and invest in there. Again, this is not a recommendation. I’m just using this as an example of numbers, right? So you get 190,000 leftover after you’ve paid your taxes. You only put in 14,000 a year, not 25,000 because there is no employer match. And because now you’re getting paid that money after taxes, you got to pull taxes out. So even though you might be paying like 18,000 19,000 a year into the 401K, because now you’re taking the money out. Now you’re getting taxed. So I’m actually putting you in what would be viewed as the worst tax scenario, right? Because negative tax pull, you know, not taking, putting the money into your 401k.

Now it’s just coming out. You’re using after tax dollars. By the way, yes, you could invest in AHP pre-tax or with IRA money. But I’m using this as after tax where you get taxed every year. On the grow. So not only did you get taxed on the money, you know, that’s of course you’d actually finally put in, but now the interest you earned, which is at 10% also gets taxed and you still have to fight inflation. But again, it’s at 10% a year, right? After 20 years, here’s the thing, the end balance is almost one and a half million dollars. And this is, using this sort of person that’s 45 years old, right? So that person that said, Hey, I had a quarter million put in 25,000 a year with a match. Now they got 190,000. They’ve put into something like an AHP type fund at 10% putting in 14,000 a year.

They’re just putting their 401k contribution now into this. At 10%, they actually have one really about $400,000 less than they had when you’re putting in the 401k. You might think, well, Chris, even though they made a better return because there’s less money to go in. Yeah. There, of course it’s less. But remember too, when you’re cashing out of that money from the 401k, you gotta pay taxes. So it kinda actually owns breaks even at that point. And, but, well, actually you might end up paying a little bit more in taxes. So you might actually be a little bit under at the 401k, but remember the 401k says you should only be pulling out no more than 3% a year, right? The difference is this is that, again it’s about cash flow. Not accumulating money and then trying to live off less in the interest. It’s cash flow. Because if you had almost one and a half million dollars and you’re getting paid 10% a year, guess what?

Now you’re not pulling off, you know, and now using the numbers, of course, using the, now I’ll use after inflation number. So I just gave you that before. After inflation adjustments about, you know, $667,000, right? So that’s about what you got in, you know, in real dollars after inflation. 667, but you’re being paid 10%. It’s like having $66,700 a year lifestyle. Versus what I just said before with about an, you know, what was that $19,000 lifestyle. So you’re more than triple the lifestyle. Why? Because even though the numbers are about this, end up about the same, the cash flow is way better because the interest that’s paying you, the cash flow that’s coming from that is at 10% and not at 3%. So that’s why you’re getting more than triple the money back. Right? And yeah, you’ll pay tax on it. But so what, like maybe after the other money, your stuff pay tax on that too.

So again, same thing. That’s the person that has got 20 years of retirement. Right? So understand you can now hit those numbers faster. I use the example with that person that’s fresh start. Brand new 25 year old, right? Starting from scratch. So they just put 14,000 a year to AHP or something that earning 10%, right? Well, they’re going to end with about 3.4 million, but after inflation, that’s only like 716,000. But once again, because even though it’s like at $716,000 type of thing after inflation, the lifestyle that you can have is your pull off 10% a year is 71,000 a year. Much better than going about 20,000 a year. Right? Once again, kicks the crap out of it because it’s about cashflow, not just about accumulating money. And again, like I said, the 401k, it has to work at the right timing. You have to retire just the right time.

Otherwise it could be worked wrong. You got to make sure that taxes don’t go up dramatically. I was just pretending the taxes were staying similar, which they may or may not. If taxes go up, you’re getting host on your 401k. And people often will tell me that, Chris, I don’t know if I was a betting person. I would say that taxes are likely to go up from now. And I say with the way they’re printing money right now, either they’re going to cause massive inflation, which if you cause even worse inflation, that means you have to pull out more money, which means still more tax. Or they raise tax rates keep inflation down. So then you now have more money coming out, either way you lose when you start using that 401k. Or an IRA or anything else. Again, there is no product that a financial advisor can offer that will get you to that freedom. To be able to get you to that number.

You know, you have to be saving a ridiculous amount of money over a hundred thousand a year in hopes that you’re gonna make something. Or just live on a really cheap, you know, fixed income type lifestyle, right? Where you just try to do nothing. Don’t travel. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t visit grandkids. Just sit in your front porch and drink lemonade. Why? Not because you know, you want to, but because you can’t afford to go anywhere else and Lemonade’s on sale at the store. That’s why. This is the key factor here guys, is that it’s all about cash flow. And by the way, this is that 10% with tax with no tax advantages. If you do things like real estate, you can make better than that amount of money. And I’m not throwing those numbers out there. I’m staying on the low side. I’m basically going conservative with my point.

And I liberal against my point. Just to prove a point. Which is, is that there is a different world, a world of much better hope. If you look outside with the mainstreams, trying to pitch you and they’re selling you. And they’re selling you because they make billions of dollars in management fees off that. They want to keep the money in there forever. They’re the ones telling you to live on 2% or 3%. Why? Because then their money keeps growing. Their stock prices keep going up. Their CEO’s get keep getting paid more. They’re making more money because you’re not! And guys, that is one of the big reasons why I’m so passionately against things like 401ks, IRAs, which by the way, the government determines the rules and they can change the rules at any time. There’s no certainty. There’s no planning that can be done in those situations because you can’t maneuver with it.

You don’t even know what the rules are going to be like in 10, 20 years, how you, unless you’re retiring today, you have no clue. And even then they could change the rules. Look how they’re changing the rules on us right now because of a little virus, right? They’re freaking out. And they’re using that as a way to be able to change rules on us. We have a very different life today than we had six months ago. Wouldn’t you agree with that? Why couldn’t they change it on you? With the financial tools and things like that? The vehicles that they’ve been recommending. Of course they can. They need more taxes. They know where to go. They go for the people that are poor and middle class that don’t know what they’re doing. That are going and investing in these 401ks have zero tax advantages. And with the match, it’s just golden handcuffs.

You know, that little employer match does so little compared to the cost and the risk. But guys, just like you might’ve heard Robert Kiyosaki say, he says, the people that get the best tax breaks, the best tax advantages are the business owners or investors. If you’re in that category, if you get out of the employee mindset, you get out of that traditional mainstream mindset. Now you can actually have hope to break free. And guys, that is the kind of stuff that we’re talking about. Again, each of your situations are individual and different. I get that. Sometimes there are rare occasions, I think 401k works. Especially if you can pull money out right away. Like I get, I’ve had people get the match, pull the money out and go invest it on their own and they can work great. But, it is solo 401ks, by the way, guys, for those of you that are investors doing solo 401ks, I don’t trust those either because anything can change those rules and not to mention that we just don’t know.

I mean, plus if you get sued, I mean, there’s other issues that can happen there. You have assets they’re exposed that works against you in different scenarios. Either way, money getting locked up, get your money out of prison, get into a place that works for you. You guys want to know what that is. If you haven’t listened to show. There’s great examples of that. You know what, if you’re at the point you say, Chris, I think now’s the time I got to change my strategy. Shoot me an email. Say, Chris, what do you think about my situation? What do you think I should do? Just shoot me an email. [email protected]. And yes, I answer my emails. I shocked a guy he’s like, I can’t believe you keep telling me to email you. And I finally did it. And that guy, it was a slam dunk.

I was like, man, like, I’m so glad you actually had the courage to do it. Because for him it was like a 70,000 a year difference. You know, like a passive income that he could create from his current situation. I’m not saying that’s you, it could be, it might not be. But either way, if you think there’s a calling or a feeling with in you saying, I think now’s a time to do something different. The marks recovered. Maybe now’s the time to do something different right now. Why? While there’s still money in the market, you know, while the market’s still overvalued drastically, right? This might be the time. So again, if you have questions about that, shoot me an email. [email protected].

Guys, I hope this valuable. I hope you start to see why the 401k just cannot and will not work. And this is why I’m so passionate against it. Cause I’ve run these numbers over and over and over. And it comes up with the same results. Guys. You can’t expect to get something different when it hasn’t ever been different. This is how it’s been. This is why I left financial advising. And this is why I did something different. They gave me different results that got me to retire when other financial advisors can’t retire. And by the way, great question for financial advisors, ask them, Hey, did you get financially free off the advice you’ve been giving? Not from the commissions you’re earning, but actually from doing the things you’re telling your clients. And I can tell you honestly, I’m doing the things that I tell people to do as well. They don’t! They aren’t retired off that their mutual funds and their 401ks and IRAs. They aren’t! They are making money by selling you this lie!

This needs to stop now! This is why I’m here. This is a ripple effect I want to create. Guys, I hope you share this episode too. Share this other people. They need to know the truth. This has to stop! There are too many dumb pundits out there teaching this crap because people are putting money in their pocket, telling them, Hey, you do this. We pay you money. We will give you a little perks and benefits if you do this. So much money being thrown, at these 401ks and other plans. So you buy them and you buy a hook line and sinker. But the only person that loses is not the person telling you on the radio, right? Or on the TV or on interviews. Those people aren’t losing. The financial companies aren’t losing. It’s only you. This has got to stop. Guys, I hope this is valuable for you. Make it a wonderful and prosperous week and change your life now. It’s all about action and taking action to do something different. Do the opposite of what you’ve been told to do. Make it a wonderful week. We’ll see you later.

#Chris Miles #Anti-financial Advisor #Cash flow #Cash flow Expert #Debts #Entrepreneur #Financial Freedom #Money Ripples

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loveisblindfanfictionbka · 3 years

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Love Is Blind: Chapter Two

A: You know it really just sounds like your sister really cares about you

C: She does but she’s making this such a bigger deal than it needs to be. I just want to be able to sort my feelings out without feeling like I’m obligated to do something with them immediately

A: I know that feeling so well. My friend asked me if I was still in love with my ex and I don’t know how to answer her

C: I mean your relationship was unfinished so I could understand the possibility. No closure makes it feel like things never ended. They just stopped

A: you put it in much better words than I ever could.

C: Coming from an emotionally challenged man, sometimes the right thing doesn’t always feel right at the time. It hurts. Caring about anyone comes with that risk but sometimes you have to see it from their side before you can heal. People tend to enter situations expecting others to be like them and we hurt ourselves by doing that. Your ex may have loved you but he didn’t know how to love you anymore and felt it was better to let you go than ruin you. It couldn’t have been easy for you to watch him struggle

A: No but I felt like he never gave me a chance to help

C: People don’t always want to be fixed. Being damaged may have been too comfortable for him

A: I wish I could’ve known if it was. He never really talked to me. I think something happened that he couldn't deal with it and he shut me out because of it

C: thats always possible especially if he wasn’t like that before

A: You ever think about getting into another relationship?

C:Thought about it? Sure but I think I only got enough love in me to take care of my daughter. I haven’t quite rebounded back either.

A: Did you and your ex-wife have the child together?

C: No, I”m in the process of fostering and adopting. I got Anesa when she was one years old

A: That is so cool.

C: You ever consider having a child?

A: It was a part of the plan when I was married but we never quite made it that far

C: Same here but there’s always alternatives

A: I’ll think about it. I am getting up there in age

C: If from any indication of your photo, you’d have no problems. Many women are having babies at your age

A: Why thank you for the ego boost

C: You ever consider dating again?

A: No. I think I am way too damaged to not ruin somebody else

C: Ah, I know the feeling

A: You’re a good listener, Chris

C: Thanks. You too. So what’s your night looking like?

A: A movie and a glass of wine. You?

C: Grading papers

A: for a music class?

C: They still have to do research papers for me. Allows me to gage how they grasp concepts and detect their style

A: Hmm...that’s interesting

C: Part of my class is songwriting and music composition, at least a basic level teaching of both. I have separate sections that go into each more in depth but only a few students are selected to be invited to take those classes. This is my main selection pool outside of those who audition

A: that sounds extensive

C: it can be but I like it

A: Do you only teach major classes or can students take you as an elective?

C: They can take me as an elective but most end up dropping the class by the second week

A: Really? Why?

C: It’s more work than they intended to do in an elective especially if you’re like a business or science major. It’s not exactly contributing to anything but your credit requirement

A: True. I can understand that

C: Anna?

A: Yes?

C: You ever think about us meeting one day?

A: I’ve considered but I don’t know if I wanna ruin the mystery of you, yet. You?

C: Same lol

A; Well I got some wine and a movie to get to and I’ll leave you to your papers. Have a good night

C: You too

Robyn logged off and pressed her head into her pillow. Was it weird for her to start to like this guy? Honestly, they’ve never met so she wouldn’t know him from a hole in the wall yet she feels close to him like they’ve been friends forever. The fact he didn’t turn away when she started talking about her ex and even tried to help her understand some things was really deep for her. Her friends and family had tried but so much of what they said just seemed so biased and sympathy-ridden for her ex. Like where’s her sympathy? Did nobody care about how he acted affected her? Somehow Chris understood her and it was the craziest thing.

Chris turned to the next paper for one of his students and after a few moments acknowledged his mind was with Anna and not on his work. He could sympathize with her struggle to move on and the fact that she was probably still in love with her ex. He didn’t hate his but he was too damaged to love her like she deserved. A part of him hates that he wasn’t man enough to tell her that when he left. She probably had a hole in her just like Anna or maybe she had moved on just fine. It’s not fair to project his life onto her.

“Daddy, are you going to sleep soon?”

Chris turned to see Anesa standing in the doorway of the kitchen with her teddy bear in her arms. He opened his arms and she climbed into his lap, “Hey Love Bug, what you doing up?”

“It’s raining.”

Chris glanced over at the window and nodded his agreement, “you got scared, huh?”

“Yea.”

“Well there’s nothing to worry about, Daddy’s right here.”

“Daddy, am I ever gonna get a mommy?”

“Well Sweetheart, that’s a very complicated question.”

“Is it?”

“Yea, see I don't’ know if I wanna share you with anybody else.”

Anesa giggled, “well if I can share you, you think you can share me?”

“I’d have to think about it really hard. Is that something you’re nervous about?”

“I just don’t want you to be all alone.”

“I know, Love Bug but I’ll be just fine.”

“Auntie Jessica said you were married before.”

“I was.”

“What happened to her? Did she die?”

“No. Things just didn’t work out. I wasn’t exactly the right guy for her.”

“Oh. So she left?”

“No, I did but I really thought it was the best thing to do at the time.”

“Do you miss her?”

Chris sighed as he leaned his chin on the top of her head, “sometimes I do. Sometimes I do.”

“Does it make you sad?”

“It can but I’ve learned to deal with it.”

“Do you think you’d ever go back to her?”

“I don’t think that would be the right thing to do either.”

“Oh.”

“You sound so sad, Honey.”

“I’m sad for you, Daddy.”

“Why? I’m happy. I’m exactly where I want to be. Here with my Love Bug and my work. Daddy’s just fine.”

Anesa turned and hugged him as Chris blew out a breath over her shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Robyn washed her hands then sat down in her office. She had steady appointments all day, luckily mostly check ups but she was still tired. Being the head vet and the owner and shelter organizer always took a toll on her body. She twisted her neck from side to side to relieve some tension just as her office door opened, “Hi Beverly.”

Beverly, her trusty assistant, was always ready to rain on her parade, “Ms. Fenty, we just received a really huge invitation in the mail.”

“We?”

“Well you but you know what I mean.”

“What is it for?”

“The New York Society Charity Awards Gala. They want to recognize the shelter for its success.”

“That’s nice. Tell Ashley to go in my place.”

“Wait. What?”

“I don’t feel like rubbing elbows with the rich, that’s Ashley’s forte, let her do it.”

“Fenty, this is a huge opportunity for donations and connections. You cannot send your shelter manager in your place.”

“Why can’t I? She’s dealt with these people before. She even knows most of them. She has an Ivy League Degree, why can’t she go in my place?”

“The award is for you.”

“So?”

“Robyn, you can’t be serious.”

“I am in no condition to be bothered with anyone.”

“The gala isn’t for another month, you can’t muster up some give a fuck in a month.”

Robyn glared at Beverly, who simply folded her arms across her chest in response, “I’m not doing this.”

“You are doing this. I will schedule your appointment with your stylists for fittings and hair tryouts. We’ll see about getting you an escort and get a speech written for you.”

“I’m not going, Beverly.”

“You will go even if I have to get your entire family from Barbados to make you. This is a perfect opportunity and you will not squander it being anti-social.”

“Get out of my office, Beverly.”

“I will add the appropriate appointments to your calendar. Your 2:30 appointment canceled so you’re free until 4.”

Beverly promptly walked out of her office and Robyn tossed her head down on her desk. She couldn’t do this. She hadn’t been to an event like this since she was married to Chris. He’s a well-known architect and had a hand in a lot of buildings in the city. The circles aren’t that large in this tax bracket so she’s sure to run into people she knew back in California. She wasn’t ready for the questions and the stares if she showed up and especially if she showed up with someone else. They had kept their divorce quiet for several reasons mainly because she didn’t want to be embarrassed. Robyn Fenty, veterinarian extraordinaire, can’t even keep her marriage together. Some of those people would be colleagues, alumnus of her alma mater, people who whispered that once Chris got a taste of the good life, he wouldn’t stay with his middle school girlfriend long. Sadly, they were right. They barely made it three years before he walked out. She wasn’t going to this gala.

C: I really think you should attend. It’s for business.

A: It’s business that I don’t want anything to do with. I have associates specifically for things like this

C: Why is it so bad for you to go?

A: These parties always have people I knew back when I was married. Many of them don't know I’m divorced

C: Well people get divorced all the time

A: Yea but they normally don't have to be around the same people who said it wouldn’t last

C: Anna, you can’t be embarrassed about something so common.Things happens

A: That’s easy to say

C: Besides I would love to see a photo of you in your gown

A: Lol, is that the real reason you want me to go?

C: Well considering we aren’t meeting anytime soon, it’d be nice to see

A: it wouldn’t be a face shot.

C: Not changing anything for me

A: I mean I could just get dressed, post the picture and you’d be none the wiser

C: You could but I sense you’re a little too honest for that

A: Lol, I’ll take that as a compliment

C: Good, because I meant it as one

A: lol

C: are you writing lol because you’re actually laughing or because you’re smiling?

A: both

C: they do make emojis

A: Yea but I feel silly using them

C: Ah, I guess

A:You know what, I will go to the gala if you agree to go on a virtual outing with me

C: Like VR

A: More like a video meet up but no cameras

C: Just voices?

A: automated voices

C: you really wanna hold onto this mystery thing, huh?

A: I feel so comfortable with you, probably because I don’t know you but I feel like once you remove the mystery, shit gets too real

C: That’s a good rationale. How about this, my job has some assistance programs that can do text to speech. I can send you a few options, you choose one, we pick a date and we have our little blind date so to speak

A: you would do that for me?

C: Absolutely. I really like you, Anna

A: I like you too, Chris

“So you really like him but you won’t go on a real date with him?” Melissa asked.

“Mel, if I do that then this becomes way more than what it is.”

“Which is?”

“Two people just getting to know each other.”

“Without having to really know each other. You haven’t told this man your real name.”

“Because it doesn’t matter. That’s what I like most. The little things don’t matter.”

“So if he was using a fake name too, it wouldn’t bother you.”

“No. He’s not obligated to give me anything he doesn’t want to.”

“You are petrified of commitment.”

“I’ve been hurt enough, I don’t want to go through that again.”

“And you think by withholding basic information yet spending time with this man will prevent that.”

“The longer he remains a stranger, the easier it will be to walk away. I’m not looking for love or to move on. Just a new friend,” Robyn replied as she held a dress up to her body, “what do you think?”

“It’s nice. You really want to go long sleeves for this?”

“Either that or get a nice jacket. It gets cold at these things.”

“That’s true. So who’s your escort?”

“Nobody. I told Beverly that I’d go but I am not taking anybody with me.”

“Not even me?”

“Do you want to go? I can send in for a plus one.”

“Not really but it was nice you offered.”

“You sure Sis?”

“Very sure. I got a boyfriend to do things with on the weekends so I’ll be busy.”

“Oh rub it in. How is Juan anyway?”

“He is good. We were thinking about doing a friendcation next month. Go back to PR to see his family.”

“Oh that’s nice. I’m sure Lele and you will have a great time.”

“You wouldn’t come?”

“No. Hard pass.”

“I’m really tired of you ducking us, it’s not like we’re gonna fix you up on a blind date or something.”

“I know but I also don’t want to be the fifth wheel. No thank you.”

Melissa sighed, “I guess. Maybe if you’d get your life right with this new Chris, you could bring him.”

“I don’t want to meet him, Mel”

“I really don’t understand why not, y’all seem to have great chemistry.”

“Yea but I really just wanna leave it at that. I’m too fragile for anything more.”

“Have you ever thought to talk to your ex-husband?”

“Why? So he can make me feel even worse?”

“Or maybe so you can heal. Robyn, y’all had a really abrupt situation. You both were in a bad space. Maybe you just need to talk things out so you can move on.”

“Why do y’all coddle him so much? Why is it nobody’s mad at him but me?”

“Because we love both of you. Clearly, neither of you were in your right minds. Nobody thought you should've gotten divorced but neither of you were happy.”

“I did not want one. He wanted out and nobody seems to be lying that at his doorstep. It’s almost like you know something that I don’t.”

“Robs, that is most definitely not the case. We just don’t think being mad at anyone is gonna solve anything. Chris was hurting, from what we don’t know, but we all knew something wasn’t right with him. You were hurting, we all knew that too. Neither of you needed the extra weight of anyone else’s judgment.”

“It doesn’t feel very neutral.”

“Because you don’t want neutral, you want us to pick sides and that’s not gonna get any of us anywhere.”

“Well have you spoken to him?”

“We texted a few months ago but that was it.”

“Oh.”

“Do you wanna see him?”

“No because I’m still angry. Seven years later and I’m still fucking pissed. Seeing him would do me no good.”

“Robs, I think it might.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m thinking the navy blue, what about you?’

Melissa sighed, “I love it.”

“Great.”

Robyn grabbed the dress and headed to the cash register.

#loveisblindfanfiction #chrianna

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