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transmascissues · 6 months

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some thoughts about top surgery recovery, as of 3 days post-op:

when they say using your chest muscles sucks afterward, i never realized exactly how much was going to be be limited. coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, laughing — all of it is terrifying right now. even talking for too long starts to put that kind of stress on my chest, and my voice isn’t as strong as it usually is. it takes me forever to fully empty my bladder when i’m on the toilet because i’m totally relying on gravity to do all the work (and shitting was effectively impossible without a stool softener even though i haven’t taken the pain meds they said i would need them for)…and don’t even get me started on figuring out how to wipe (hint: back to front while sitting, using my dominant hand to push my non-dominant hand far back enough). using the computer is also harder — i was planning on playing lots of baldur’s gate after, but for the first couple days i could only really go for a few minutes before using my arms that way got too tiring. having a mastectomy pillow has been an absolute godsend when i’m using my phone because i can prop my arms up on it and not really have to use any muscles at all to hold them up.

the biggest piece of not being able to use my chest muscles right now, which i’m writing separately because it’s been such a huge thing for me, is that i cannot sit up or back by myself at fucking all. like, if i sit on the couch and lean back a bit to sit against the cushion, it hurts to pull myself back up to fully straight — and if i’m leaning back any more than that, i just can’t do it at all and i’m stuck there unless my boyfriend puts their hands behind me and pushes my dead weight back up. i totally get why some people sleep in a recliner now because i’m completely at the mercy of having someone there to help move me around once i’m at any sort of angle. sitting back is mostly the same as far as what i can do, and arguably hurts worse to attempt at all, but my ability to do it seems to be coming back faster than my ability to sit up. if you’ve never had your mobility limited to that extent before, prepare yourself: the first time you’re stuck somewhere and the person who normally helps you doesn’t answer immediately can be really fucking scary (i learned that the hard way).

the anesthesiologist warned me that i might have a sore throat after surgery from being intubated, but i was not prepared for what “sore throat” ended up meaning for me. you know that feeling of swallowing something that’s too big and you can still feel it in your throat even after it’s down? it’s like that times 20, and further down in my throat. the worst pain i’ve felt in the last three days wasn’t from the surgery itself, it was from trying to swallow pancakes when my throat was at it’s worst. today is the first day it’s even started to fade, and even now, it hurts just to swallow my own spit. i don’t know about you, but that’s not what comes to mind when someone tells me “you might have a sore throat”.

on that note, the incisions themselves have really been the least painful part in general, probably because the nerves there aren’t reconnected yet. the vast majority of my pain and discomfort at this point has been from the drains and bandages — the drain sites getting sore or just randomly starting to sting, waking up feeling suffocated by the ace bandages, etc. it’s not because anything is wrong with them — the drains weren’t placed wrong and the bandages aren’t too tight, they’re just a huge pain in the ass to deal with 24/7. i can’t express how much i’m looking forward to getting the drains out and being able to take binder breaks because it’ll make things so much more comfortable.

my incisions are connected in the middle because my chest tissue was all really close together, and the part where the incisions connect is really the only part where i’ve felt any pain so far. i suspect it’s because the swelling on either side is making that part of the incision push together and press against itself, and then the binder pushes on it even more. it’s not a severe pain at all, but i do sometimes lift the center of the bandage off my chest for a second to give that spot a bit of a break.

i’ve already started getting some of the weird sensations associated with nerves reconnecting, and it definitely is wild. so far, it’s been mostly tingly feelings, sometimes like chills and sometimes more like a limb falling asleep. (weird observation: taking a shit makes my ribs tingle? i’ve got no good explanation for that one.) i’ve gotten a zap on one side and some buzzing feelings too. it’s pretty mild right now, probably because it’s so early on.

i’ve also gotten what i would describe as phantom boob feelings, especially on the first night. specifically, when i close my eyes, sometimes i’ll feel like someone is touching or jiggling the boobs i don’t have anymore. definitely not a super pleasant experience, but i think being out of it from the anesthesia still really helped me not be too upset by the worst of it. i’ve gotten a couple little phantom nipple touches too, but those were just split second blips of sensation that were far less bothersome in comparison.

i never realized that the classic post-op hunch is caused more by the binder than by the body itself, but we had to take all of my bandages off the night after my surgery to send pictures of something to my surgeon, and i was shocked by how much straighter i could sit with everything off. i was definitely still hunched, but it was more like a natural slouch and less like i looked like i was using an invisible walker. with the binder on, it’s super uncomfortable for me to try to stand straight at all because it feels like the ace bandage doesn’t come with my body and just drags everything down, and i’m always holding my mastectomy pillow or my hands to my chest while i walk around to stop it from feeling like gravity is going make the bandage tear my chest open.

every so often, when things are getting especially painful or uncomfortable or just generally difficult, i do start to wonder if i made the right choice. not because i regret getting rid of those things — not by a long shot — but because it’s a fucking hard process to go through. this is probably the hardest thing for me to admit, but the rational part of my mind knows it’s natural to feel that way once in a while. all of this is temporary and the relief from dysphoria will be permanent, but right now? this is my entire world and it doesn’t feel particularly temporary and i do have moments of “why do i have to go through all this when other people get to just have the right body from the start? why couldn’t i just live with what i had? why can’t i just be living my normal life right now?” no matter how sure you are of your choice, no matter how proud you are of being trans, this shit is hard and it’s okay to feel that.

i’m going to put the pictures of my chest one day post-op under the cut, because i think it’s pretty rare to see pictures from that soon after the surgery. they’re not gorey at all — the actual incisions are totally covered by steri strips and everything around them is clean — but still, if you don’t want to see relatively fresh surgery results, don’t look under the cut.

for all the discomfort and pain and limitations and other weirdness of recovery, every time i look at these pictures it reminds me of exactly why i’m doing all of this, and i’m so glad i kept fighting for this for so long. some people might never understand why someone would choose to go through this whole process, but i know it’ll be worth it in the end.

here’s my chest one day post-op! i think it looks super good and my surgeon said it looks like it’s healing perfectly (as much as it can be healing at one day). for reference, my chest was a DDD/F before surgery. i know this isn’t how my chest will look in the end, but i’m already thrilled with how things are turning out! i’ve truly never been more confident in my choice of surgeon — like, come on! look at that! she did so good!

#top surgery adventures #<- gonna start putting all the posts about my top surgery in that tag #top surgery #trans man #transmasc

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ultralightpoe · 6 months

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Can you do something with eddie and someone from scream? That don't really make sense but like the reader is a survivor of ghostface and kind celebrity for it. Like Sydney through the movies? There would be a time change but like that? That would be so amazing. I would give my left nut for that tbh. I don't have a left nut. But i gove one if I could.

Final Girl - Eddie Munson

Authors Note: This was from march, and I am cleaning out my drafts for y'all

Warnings: Slasher, wounds, eddie being a confused lil bug.

Word Count: 3813

Description: Eddie meets a final girl, and apparently trauma bonds

Enjoy!

College life sucked.

This wasn’t an actual shock to Eddie Munson, since he had never been great at school in the first place. Come on, he had been a super senior. Eddie Munson, who normally spent his life in fantasy could at least be realistic about ONE thing, he was not really meant for school.

But…. not many people got a second chance at life and not many people were given a full ride scholarship from the government.

Jason Carver, the ‘King of Hawkins High’, had taken the fall for Chrissy Cunningham. Eddie was released of any and all convictions, and the government had ‘thanked’ him. But he didn’t stop there, Eddie demanded something in return since he nearly died from the bats. So, Eddie Munson the super senior graduated with the help of his friends and Eddie Munson got a full ride scholarship from the government.

Wayne was able to open up his own contracting business and Eddie was able to move to his new college knowing that he would not die in Hawkins.

But that meant actually attending classes in college, something that Eddie found himself despising. More grumpy than not in the mornings he found himself ignoring the life around him, grumbling to himself as he trudged through the autumn leaves, his converse beginning to soak through from the rain that drenched the earth.

There was one good thing about mornings though, and that was who he sat by in his intro to Shakespeare class….You.

You were everything. Or at least Eddie thought so.

You always had a book with you in class, mostly fantasy which drew him in. You always looked angelic, even on days where you definitely just woke up, and most importantly you never talked to him like he was stupid which most people at this school had done. But most importantly he liked that you seemed to be fine on your own, whereas most of the class was desperate for friends. You were just fine sitting in the back like you didn’t care.

But that led to his next problem, he desperately wanted to get to know you.

He had tried to make conversation in the past, but the words never came out right and class was always packed with work so he never really got the chance to break the ice with you, but everyday he told himself that ‘Today is the day I’m going to talk to her’.

So he talked himself up on the way to class, fixing his rings as he tried not to focus on how cold his feet were before he was sitting beside you, the chain on his pants scraping in the chair as everyone bustled to their seats around him.

He waits patiently for you to join the class, taking a moment to survey the room of all your other shared classmates.

The front row held a cheerleader that reminded him of Chrissy, the sweet angelic smile and the same ponytail, the only problem was he had heard this version say a few icy things to her classmates and Eddie liked to think that Chrissy would have never.

There was a kid named Paul that sat just a row below him, three seats to the right. Whereas Eddie was more of a leather jacket rock and roll type Paul was all about the punk, mohawk dyed neon colors and piercings decking out his face. He always gave Eddie a rock on sign whenever they made eye contact and Eddie liked the minor alliance.

Before he could recognize anyone else you were pulling into your seat, rubbing your arm as if you were in pain as Eddie whips to smile at you. He gets nervous when you raise an eyebrow before giving him a tight lipped smile like he was crazy, then he realizes that his smile was a little too wide and he was the one sending crazy vibes so he simply clears his throat and taps his pencil on the tiny desk.

The seats on this campus were all made of cheap plastic that had bus cushions on the butt of the seat, and little desks that you could flip to the right to escape. He liked to think of it like he was buckling himself into a rollercoaster each time.

“Did you do the homework?” He blurts, trying to act cool as you stare at him.

“We had homework?” You ask, eyes snapping to the daily checklist before turning back to him. “Are you sure?”

“No, that’s why I was asking you.” He blushes, pushing some hair back behind his ear. “Because I didn’t remember if we had an assignment or not.”

“Well normally you can see when we do because our professor writes it down.” You whisper, using your pencil to point at the board the assignments usually are. You were leaning in like you were telling him a secret and Eddie couldn’t help but bask in your scent for a moment.

“Right….. I knew that.” He blushes, leaning in himself. “But if we are being totally honest here I might need some help with-”

“Alright settle down students! Let’s begin!” The professor calls and Eddie tries not to kick himself as he draws back to pay attention. So so close.

College life sucked.

You had talked yourself into going to college after the horrific events you survived, seeing it as a chance to make yourself a new person. Leave the bloody history behind and live your life.

It wasn’t everyday people got a second chance at life after all.

It had taken you months to convince your parents to let you go, and it had been a rough time to say goodbye to your close knit group of friends or as your hometown liked to call them ‘The survivors’. Tear stained goodbyes and tons of promises to stay in touch before you left and at the time you had thought it was for the best, but now that you were here you realized what a mistake you had made.

You had always thought that being away from the place where it happened might help you heal, but it only seemed to make it worse.

The winter cold made your wounds ache, which made it hard to move. You couldn’t seem to make a friend to save your life and whenever you get close you can never get over the fact that they might stab you just as he had. The nightmares grew worse since you didn’t know this place well and you didn’t really have a security set up which meant your roommate hated you and often whispered about you with other girls living in your dorm hall.

But the worst part was you saw them everywhere.

You saw Maya sitting with the cheerleaders at lunch, giggling and being the life of the party, no longer dead. You saw Dylan drumming on a desk rather than paying attention, and when he turned back to smile at you he didn’t have his throat slit.

You saw all your friends, or what could have been your friends, making themselves known in the world and each time you just felt like a huge imposter. You were wasting your life, it should have been you.

But the worst was when you saw them. Standing outside your window in the masks, watching from the doorway of your classes or trailing behind you at night.

You saw them everywhere, you saw flashes of that final fight every time you close your eyes. An ironic feat considering the news articles always read how lucky you were to ‘escape with your life’.

But there was no escaping them. You were trapped in an endless cycle of fear. You could trust no one and hurt no one.

That’s what made the chocolate eyed boy next to you so confusing. He had been seated next to you since the beginning of the year and you often caught him staring as if he was trying to think of things to say, and whereas you tensed around most people you never did with him.

Maybe that’s because you could feel the nervousness coming off him every time.

You were actually shocked that he spoke to you this morning, and you were even more shocked to find that his voice was a raw sort of calm that drew you in, which made you ashamed to admit you were a little upset that your professor interrupted because you were desperate to hear him talk forever.

But that spell broke as you watched the board up front, taking the next 40 minutes to regain your composure and think of all the things that could go wrong. He could know who you are and be an obsessed freak, wouldn’t be the first time. He could be a copycat, he could stab you. He could be worse and actually succeed this time.

What are the chances? You tried to remind yourself, taking a deep breath in only to stop when you see Stu standing in the doorway with his shirt covered in blood, smiling from ear to ear. You cough loudly, choking on your own hair as tears spring from your eyes, drawing attention from everyone in the class as the boy next to you reaches to hand you his water bottle.

You take it, chugging quickly as the soft bell goes off, setting the bottle back down with a quick thanks and bolting from your seat. You hear him yell out a ‘wait’ before he rushes to stand, hitting the desk harshly since he hadn’t put it up and cursing at the pain.

You use this as a chance to escape, dashing out the doors and barely turning back to see if Stu would follow.

He’s not real.

But he could be, and he could come back and he could-

“Wait wait wait, Jesus you are fast.” The stranger calls, panting as he catches up, a ringed hand flying to his right side as if he were in pain while staring at you. “You okay? Had a bit of a coughing attack in there.”

“Yeah, I just choked on air.” You half lied, not making eye contact. “Thanks for the bottle by the way…”

“Eddie. Well Edward but everyone calls me Eddie. Munson. Eddie Munson.” He blushes, holding out the hand that wasn’t holding his side.

“I’m-”

“Y/n. I know.” He smiles and you draw your hand back quickly, panic clawing at you as the fall wind hits your spine. Of course he knows, everyone knows. They are laughing at you.

“You know?”

“Yeah. You introduced yourself on the first day of class? You told everyone your favorite book was Frankenstein?” He chuckles, pink singing at his ears and cheeks as you nod. Jesus you paranoid freak, he’s just trying to be nice.

“Right. Yeah.” You smile, fixing your bag and moving to walk away before he walks with you slowly.

“I was actually going to ask for your help.”

“With?”

“Homework. Or well, just classwork in general. You see I am more of a fantasy kinda guy. Elves and goblins and dwarves but this whole classic literature is kicking my ass. And you seem to devour it like no other so I was hoping maybe you could help out.”

“Like do your homework?”

“No!” He laughs, moving to scratch the back of his neck. You notice then that his hand is still on his side, and when he catches you looking he snaps it back down and fixes the leather jacket to cover himself even with the shirt. “Maybe just tutoring sessions? I’ll get dinner or something.”

“Oh…” You think back to all the things you could say to get out of it, maybe that you just didn’t want to but then you see Maya walking by with a laugh and remember why you were here in the first place.

A second chance at life, right?

“I… okay.” You agree, something in your stomach easing at his smile.

You both agree to meet up Sunday night at a pizza place right off campus, which gives Saturday free of any and all obligation. With no classes and waiting to do homework tomorrow you find yourself with a free day, so you use it to call home.

Not your parents since you just know they will pick up on the slightest hint of sadness in your tone and demand you come home. Instead you call Randy, one of the other survivors from that night, and eagerly listen to all his news in bed.

He catches you up on everything back home, from the gym being redecorated to the radio station he works at, but it was only a matter of time before you both had to talk about it.

“They knocked the house down, there were too many break-ins lately.” He explains and you hear a slight shuffle on the other side, knowing him that meant he was pacing. “Nothing gets people hornier than death.”

“Figures.” You try to laugh, your throat tight as tears spring to your eyes.

“Actually Y/n, I am glad I got ahold of you. I wanted you to hear it from one of us rather than the world…” He starts and you take a deep breath as you try to control your panic.

“What’s up?”

“Kelvin…. He uhm, he sold the story.” Your heart lurches in your chest at the words, the tears falling freely now.

“He what?”

“A movie company reached out, bought the rights to the story-”

“But we all agreed we wouldn’t!” You snap.

“He said they offered him a lot-”

“I won’t sign off, they can’t use-”

“They won’t use your name. Trust me I’ve already tried on my end.” Randy sighs. “It’s being released soon, called ‘Slashed’ and-”

The second he says the name you recognize it. You had seen a poster for it on a walk through campus but hadn’t actually stopped to look at it. Oh my god.

“Randy, I have to go.” You rush out, a sob slipping past your lips as you hang up the phone right as your roommate comes back, glaring and rolling her eyes at the scene before her. You don’t hear what she mumbles under her breath, too lost in your own world.

“Yes Dustin, I heard you.” Eddie sighs, searching his mess of a dorm room for his leather jacket as Dustin lectures him over the phone.

“My flight lands in two weeks at 3, do you hear me Munson? You better have the couch clean enough for me to sleep on-”

“Dustin, dude, you need to have more trust. The room is all set up for your arrival.” Lie. “And I have so many fun things planned for you when you get out here.” Double lie.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” No. “And we’ll go see that movie you have been prattling on about-”

“Slashed is going to be so epic. Think Halloween but better Eddie-”

“Nothing is better than Halloweeen.” Eddie snaps, eyes finally landing on the leather jacket where he actually hung it up and snagging it, throwing it on and giving himself one last look in the mirror before he rushes a goodbye to his friend.”I’m running late and have togobye!”

Before he knows it he is on his way to meet you, books in hand as he walks across the street and towards the pizza place that sits right off campus. When he gets there he finds you already seated in a booth, your own books already open in front of you and he tries his best to remain cool when he walks up.

“Hey, how was your day off yesterday?” He asks, sliding into the seat across from you with an easy smile.

“Busy.” You smile, and he tries not to notice the way it doesn’t meet your eyes. “You?”

“Promised myself I would clean my room…..didn’t.” He jokes, and that finally cracks an actual smile out of you which makes his heart skip a beat. “Now I am ready to read shakespine and shove my face with pizza.”

“Speare.”

“Huh? Is that a type of pizza?”

“No. You said shakespine, it’s shakespeare.” You laugh and his eyes widen.

“I think I know why I failed the last assignment then.” How is he supposed to fight off that feeling of pride when you let out a loud laugh?

You had only expected to spend an hour with Eddie, but ended up spending four and closing the place down, to which he kindly offered to walk you back to your dorm. You said yes, partly because it was way too dark outside and partly because you wanted to spend just a little longer with him. More than you wanted to admit.

So you walked side by side, listening to him tell you about the funniest thing that had ever happened to his band ‘Corroded Coffin’ in detail before the conversation came to an easy lull. “Do you miss them?”

He looks over at you with a curious expression, waiting for you to explain. “Since you are here now, do you miss all your friends and family?”

“Well family wise it’s just my uncle Wayne and I, and I miss him greatly. I went from spending every day seeing him and never realized just how much I relied on him. He raised me and now I’m living in a world where I can’t dash to him with every bloody nose or black eye. And I just miss him a lot. My friends? I find that I miss some more than others. I miss my band, I grew up with them and they have known me since middle school, playing guitar doesn’t feel the same without them. But the Vecna crew? Jesus, I miss them all the time. Just thinking about them makes me feel like I’m lonely and ready to go back home.”

You knew that feeling all too well.

You spot the entrance to your building, taking the lead in walking up the steps until you get to the door, turning to smile at him softly. He is looking at you with the softest look you had ever seen, and you begin to get butterflies in your stomach.

“How about you?”

“My family and friends are….. Complicated.” You blush, the sound of Maya’s scream tearing through your mind.

“How so?”

“I wanted to escape them, but they are the only ones that know me.” You whisper and he nods in understanding, something flashing in the brown of his eyes. Like a scarred memory. He knows he knows he knows.

“I…. well I can’t say I know you as well as them, but I can say even knowing a quarter of you is a gift. And I would love to get to know more.” He says lowly, leaning in slightly and you find yourself leaning up yourself before the groan of the metal door behind you sounds out.

“Look who's back.” Someone snickers and you take a quick step back from Eddie who shoots you a curious look, only for you to wish him goodnight and rush inside the building as the two girls leave.

Your cheeks are pumping from your heartbeat, all the blood rushing to your face as you make a quick dash to your room.

This cannot happen. You can’t be so stupid again.

The next morning Eddie doesn't grumble to himself, and he doesn’t complain about having to wake up so early. Today he walks with a pep in his step as he makes his way to class, eager to see you.

As per usual he arrives first, sending a rock signal to Paul as he takes his seat, flipping the desk down and pulling out his writing tablet as his side begins stinging in pain. Taking a hand and rubbing at his side slowly to help ease the soreness of the scars when he feels you come near, eyes already planted on him rubbing his side in pain.

“Morning.” He greets, bringing his hand back down and giving you a smile.

“Good morning.” You smile back, taking a seat, your eyes casting to the door for a moment before your face blanches out quickly and you turn to him. “I had a lot of fun last night.”

“Me too, we should do it again sometime. Not to mention it will really help my grades.” He teases, smiling at you like a conspirator.

“We could always study for the test tonight?” You offer and Eddie feels like his body is on fire.

“I would love that.”

Dinners and study dates become a nightly thing with Eddie, and you find that you love them. You also find that each night he walks you home you are absolutely desperate for him to kiss you, and you keep getting closer and closer.

Like tonight, your shoulders had been bumping each other the entire time, laughing gently as you recalled the jokes you made at dinner, your pinky grazing his own as he stared at you before you made it to your building.

“Once again this is goodnight.” You blush, reaching a hand out to fix his leather jacket. “Same thing tomorrow?”

“Sadly not, I have plans with my friend Dustin.”

“Right, you guys were going to go watch a movie together on his first night back.” You smile, before your mind is brought back to the posters of the screaming face all over town. “Do you know what movie you’re seeing?”

“Sealand or something?” Eddie shrugs, eyes hooded a bit as he steps closer. “You okay?”

“Me? Of course.” You smile, pressing your nose against his as you lean up to trace your lips against his own. He hesitates for a moment before leaning and taking your lips on his own, his hands flying to your hips softly as he kisses you deeply. Butterflies erupt in your stomach and you make the mistake of opening your eyes, only to find Billy standing behind Eddie’s shoulder with a smile.

Drawing back with a sharp gasp that has Eddie staring wide eyed. “You okay?”

“Yes!” You rush out, kissing his cheek before moving to rush inside.

“What?” Billy laughs from behind you, following you into the building. “You didn’t forget about me did you? You didn’t wanna tell your boyfriend about me?”

“Go away.” You whisper.

“Didn’t want to admit how you killed me?”He laughs bitterly as you slam your bedroom door. Hesnotrealhesnotreal. He. Is. Not. Real.

Dustin is a big ball of excitement as Eddie leads him through the movie theater, watching people come out with shocked and excited faces.

“This movie has to be good.” Dustin rushes out. “Did you know it’s inspired by a true story?”

“What are we watching again?”

“Slashed.” Dustin smiles. “And it’s going to be so awesome.”

(Part 2 soon)

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giac222 · 1 month

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I’m an Ashley Graves lover and defender till the end 🤞🏻🩷.

This is going to be a deep dive and a pretty long post, just a heads up! There’s a point in the beginning where I briefly discuss something else regarding TCOAAL because I felt that it ties in, but this post will mostly be focusing on Ashley + her experiences, and a little about how Andrew isn’t actually a doormat, not even close. 😶

Let’s get into it:

I adore her and I have the biggest soft spot for her, my empathy for her is through the damn roof. She’s a product of her environment, she wasn’t born the way she is (Andrew wasn’t either). It’s frustrating to see people claim she was born evil. I’d go as far to argue that she isn’t completely evil either. Her soul is the color of pitch black according to the demon in the game. But why is that? What caused it? The reason for this is because of how she’s been treated by everyone else around her throughout her whole life. It’s not like she asked or wanted to become a “tar soul”. Her environment made her sour, it made her hate people.. including herself.

After Ashley sacrifices the warden to the demon, when she’s thinking to herself, a text box comes up that says “You decide not to linger on the fact that your soul is apparently a vicious, pitch-black mess.” and after that we see another one that says “Guess you already knew that”.

I was thinking to myself, why the hell am I so attached to this character? Lmao. Why do I have such a huge soft spot for her? Then when I was thinking about it I realized it’s because I relate to some of what she’s been through. Especially her terribly low self-esteem that causes her to feel unlovable, ooo that hit home for me. For quite some time I dealt with that, and let me tell you, it truly is an awful feeling. It can make you very mean and bitter. It quite literally eats away at you. I’m 22 now and I’m able to reflect on those past experiences, that’s when I realized how bad it really was. When it comes to someone having poor self-esteem and not much self worth, it stems from somewhere. People don’t just randomly start hating themselves, there’s something that causes it to happen. It could be from a variety of things such as trauma, childhood experiences, comparison to others, and discrimination.

It truly sucks to see how many people online that seem to hate her (not on Tumblr, but almost everywhere else). Her backstory breaks my heart, it’s tragic, and it seems that people completely ignore what she’s gone through and what she STILL goes through.

I also hate that the game has kind of, in a way, become a meme due to the controversy. This game delves into very serious and depressing topics, so for losers online with 0 media literacy to water it down to “the incest game” is sooo agitating. This is just a personal opinion of mine, but I also feel as though the controversy made people play the game for the wrong reasons. Including a lot of “edgy” teenagers 😬. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that, I’ve touched on it before in a different post. I mean the amount of loud and wrong takes I’ve seen about the game… All I can do is shake my head 💀.

So, I’ll share my (maybe?) controversial opinion that some of the “fanbase” is part of the problem too, not just the people who hate the game that don’t even know what’s going on. I’ve talked about this before so I’ll keep it brief, but I feel it fits in the post so I’m including it. But on the game’s subreddit there are people who will reduce the game itself to fap material, and it doesn’t make sense to me because there’s quite literally nothing overly sexual or explicit in the game?? Even in the questionable route vision we don’t see anything explicit, we just know what happens. I’m like have y’all forgotten that this is a PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR game?? How some of these people managed to reduce Nemlei’s work that she clearly put a lot of thought and effort into that covers dark topics and serious issues to fap material is beyond me…. What a way… just what a way. Let’s hope they get weeded out of the fandom before ch. 3 drops 🙏🏻.

Just to clarify so no one gets confused, I’m NOT referring to people who create NSFW art/posts of the game, like duh you guys know I love Ashley and Andrew 🤭🤭. I know what I’m about! 😂. Seriously though, I’m referring to people in the Reddit community who will quite literally just take people’s NSFW art (any fan art in general really) and upload it there without the artist’s consent (edit: I think if they give credit it’s not a big deal, and some artists may not care regardless. Some probably care, some don’t). It just seems like the NSFW stuff is the only thing a lot of them care about, and the shit they say is so unhinged at times I’m like???? Seek help. (Obviously it isn’t all of the members, but it’s definitely a lot speaking from my personal experience there before I left). In a way, I can’t blame outsiders for side eyeing the fanbase if that’s their first impression.

Between the amount of haters TCOAAL has and some of the questionable “fans”…. Yeah, we’re in the trenches 😂. That’s part of the reason why I left the server and now only participate in the Tumblr community. Not even trying to gate-keep or sound like an asshole, but a lot of the Reddit community doesn’t fit the game. I said what I said! As I’ve said before in a previous post, most of the trash takes I’ve seen on the game stem from there, and YouTube too. 😬

TCOAAL is a game that requires you to think and dig deeper, that’s why I love it. It touches on very heavy topics. Tbh it’s not something you can simply take at face value, that just defeats the purpose.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about Ashley! 🩷✨

When you pay attention to all the details and look deeper into Ashley’s character, you see that Ashley has quite literally been treated like shit her entire life by EVERYONE around her except for Andrew. That’s why it’s so easy for her to treat people as disposable, because that’s how SHE was treated her entire life 💔.

This scene specifically proves that:

Andrew really is everything to her. That boy is her sun, her moon, and all of her stars. 🥲💚. We see that he’s her main, and basically only source of happiness. He’s the only thing/person she cares about. I find it genuinely heartbreaking that he has been the only person Ashley could depend on throughout her life. Due to this, it makes sense as to why Ashley goes to such extreme measures to keep him around. if she lost him, she’d have no one else. So of course she’s scared that he’ll leave her. Even though we know he’ll stick by her side no matter what, Ashley does not. She’s quite literally the love of his life but she doesn’t know that. 😩

Then again, Andrew doesn’t show it, so of course she doesn’t get it. He’s never said I love you back to her, the closest we get to that is when he says “I like you… but you’re so exhausting” after their huge fight. If you look closely at his face in that scene, you’ll see gray blush lines on his cheek. Ashley has been abandoned by everyone except for Andrew, she needs validation and reassurance from him to know that he’s there to stay. He doesn’t really give that to her though, but he needs to STAT! As I said, we know he’s in it for the long haul, but Ashley does not.

You see, Ashley operates under the idea that Andrew doesn’t actually care about her. She believes that he couldn’t love her of his own will and that she has to manipulate in order for him to stay. I hold the opinion that she doesn’t do those things because she necessarily wants to, she does it because she feels like she has to in order to keep him around. She manipulates, but she isn’t very good at it 🫣.

Thinking about their huge fight in apartment 302 after Andrew killed that lady (she definitely did not attack him first, but we’ll get into that in a minute). When Andrew’s choking Ashley she brings up the fact that she’s the only one who can make his nightmares go away, but guess what we see in ch. 2? Before going to snoop on the cultist, if you go back to their motel room and you interact with the bed. A text box pops up that says “oh yeah, you tooootally have nightmares as often as you claim.”.. So, we now know that Andrew doesn’t actually have that many nightmares, he uses it as an excuse because he wants to sleep next to Ashley and be close to her.

Back to the apartment 302 incident, when Ashley goes back to that apartment after completing the ritual, she sees that Andrew killed the lady that lived there, he claims she attempted to attack him with the nail gun, but the nail gun was in the same damn spot! People should’ve started side eyeing him at that point in the game. I know I did LOL, “doormat extraordinaire” my ass 😂. Btw, there are people who genuinely believe he tried to sleep with the lady in 302, but she wouldn’t do it so he killed her….. 🤦🏻‍♀️. I wish I was joking.

Anyway, in Andrew’s dream when we go over the justified deaths, with the lady in 302, the first reason he mentions is “Ashley would have wanted to kill this one anyway” then he brings up no witnesses. To me, the fact that the first reason he mentions is Ashley wanting to kill her anyway showed that he killed her for Ashley more than anything. I mean, It did make Ashley happy that she died. He didn’t say anything about getting attacked, although it was obvious that was a lie already lmao. I believe that’s why he got so frustrated, which led to him getting pissed off after Ashley started accusing him of trying to sleep with that woman. Especially because once she started, it escalated quickly and she just kept going.. He was like “girl??? I literally killed this woman for YOU.” I could be wrong, but that was my interpretation on the situation.

Another interesting thing I thought about was how during their argument, Andrew tells Ashley to butt out of his love life, and that she always makes up some bullshit crisis for him to leave/stay when he’s out or about to leave to go meet up with someone. But in the flashback with Julia during his dream, while she’s raising genuine concern and mentions that it could be good for Ashley to learn some independence for her own sake. Also for Andrew to stop cutting things short on her, for the sake of their relationship, and so they can spend more time together. Andrew responds to that with “If your sister needed something, wouldn’t you go?” 👀. Andrew likes Ashley being dependent on him, he doesn’t want her to become independent. During their heated argument he admits to knowing her so called crisis she has before he leaves is “bullshit”. Yet he still chooses to leave to be with her anyway. Because again, Ashley’s the love of his life, people can deny it all they want but the proof is right there lmao. Not to mention he looked so sad hugging Julia until he asked her to tie her hair up… I see right through you Andrew 😂.

Also, him bringing up Nina’s death (Julia’s best friend) and lying to Julia’s face about it like he had no part in it, that was actually scary not going to lie 🫢. Plus him lying about Nina’s death affecting Ashley…like you know damn well. After their huge fight, Ashley said she was glad that Nina choked, which Andrew responded with “I know you are”.

That’s the thing about Andrew, he’s very good at lying and we see multiple examples of this in the game. When they were at their parents house Ashley decided to stay quiet because she couldn’t keep up with Andrew’s lies. In a different post of mine I talked about how “Andy” was a facade, but Ashley doesn’t understand that yet. She thinks he’s changing for the worst, but in reality he’s always been that way. His true colors are just now finally coming out.

Andrew and Ashley both had a shitty upbringing. I mean Mrs.Graves made Andrew take care of Ashley when he was a child, and I remember in a flashback he asked Ashley if she wanted to go with him because their mom gave him money for groceries, like ma’am why are you making your child go out to buy groceries??? Also, at the end of the day, she sold them both to organ harvesters. However, Andrew was treated somewhat better than Ashley during their childhood. We see this through the plushies in the puzzle before the questionable route vision, if you set Ashley’s plushie down at the table she immediately falls off. At their parents new home during dinner, Ashley sat on a mini ladder while everyone else had a chair, and simply the fact that Mrs.Graves gave Andrew their new house address, but didn’t give it to Ashley. They always shut Ashley out, they never cared about her nor did they try.

Now, let’s talk about one of, in my opinion, the saddest parts of the game. The flashback of Leyley’s birthday 🥲.

We see that neither her parents nor her friends cared about her birthday, they didn’t even try. She looked so sad talking about her friends here 😭. The fact that she brought up how her friends are always busy when she asks them for something shows that this is a recurring thing, her friends suck. I am in tearsss. I’m sick rn, she deserves everything and more. Andrew attempted to make her birthday special for her at least 🥺.

Also, I know Julia seems sweet from what we’ve seen, but I’m suspicious of her tbh 👀. We know Ashley hung out around her and Nina. I remember seeing one of the screenshots from a progress report where Andrew asks them if they could invite Ashley to sit with them sometime at lunch, so I’m assuming that’s how their “friendship” started.

Nina had a crush on Andrew, and Julia ended up dating him later on. I think it’s possible they only hung out with her just to get closer to Andrew. Julia wasn’t a very good friend to Ashley it seems, so it makes sense that she wouldn’t be thrilled about them dating. Especially because Andrew is the most important, well, really the only important person to her.

Something else to think about when it comes to people in Ashley’s life outside of Andrew: After Andrew killed the warden to protect Ashley and before they left their neighbors apartment, Ashley tells Andrew “I don’t give a rat’s ass about mom or dad. Or any of my so-called friends anymore.” and “Not one of them felt it necessary to answer my calls…”. When she says this she looks very upset. So, even in present time, Ashley still gets treated like shit by everyone around her except for Andrew, this has been an ongoing thing since her childhood.

Next up is this scene with Mrs.Graves while setting up the ritual:

This was after Ashley says “Lookie ma! I drew a circle!”. Mrs.Graves immediately starts putting her down. Ashley’s response to what her mom said shows me that this is something that commonly happened. I’m sure there were many times in Ashley’s life where she’d attempt to impress her mom and receive praise, but would immediately get shut down by her instead. The more I think about how terribly Ashley was really treated, the more sad I get about it, what the fuck 😭.

Ok, last thing to dissect. I wanted to talk about this comment from a YouTube video that came up under the “all” section on there. Beware, it might make you lose braincells. 💀

“Ashley is heavily sexualized” let me stop you right there ✋🏻 lmao. No she is not. At least to me she isn’t, I never got the impression that the game sexualized her. A lot of male players sexualize her (because of course they do 🙄), but the game? I disagree. You could say Ashley views herself as a sex object, but that doesn’t mean she’s sexualized by the game. She views herself that way because of her low self-esteem and the fact that she doesn’t believe someone could genuinely love her. Not to mention her internalized misogyny. Source? I’m speaking from experience. Having terribly low self-esteem really does drive you to dark places. It can lead to you basing your self-worth on people finding you sexually attractive or just attractive in general, like your self worth is based on your looks alone. That’s how you get validation even if it’s from a not so good place. It wears off pretty fast though, and it leaves a poor after taste. It’s only a temporary “good” feeling. If you don’t like yourself, no amount of attention will be ever good enough for you or truly make you feel better.

“Goth-esque fetish ware”, first of all it’s “wear”, and the “fetish wear” in question is just shorts, a black shirt, and a choker 💀. I cannot lmfao. Does that mean Andrew has “goth-esque fetish wear” too? Bc him and Ashley literally dress the same 😂. Not that this matters, but Ashley and Andrew are more emo to me lmao.

“She’s definitely a manipulative psychopath”… opinion immediately discarded because of this part of the comment alone.

“Her heavily sexualized existence”…. Don’t piss me off 🙄 like??? I can’t believe they said that. People with a brain larger than the size of an atom know that Ashley’s entire existence isn’t sexualized, I’d argue that it’s quite literally the opposite. It’s almost like they want Ashley to be this seductive sex kitten, but she just isn’t that. They project that onto her. I feel like some people think that Ashley simply existing with a bigger bust means she’s automatically sexualized, some men feel this way about women with bigger busts in real life too, so them doing it to a fictional character doesn’t shock me. Worms for brains I swear.

The comment Ashley makes about her “big fat tits” in the motel room during her mini argument with Andrew was literally so unserious. There’s the scene where Andrew was lying on the couch in their parents house when Ashley wakes him up out of his dream, and we see him looking at her boobs from his POV. However, that was literally so mild, you hardly even saw anything lmfao. I feel like Nemlei added that in to show that Andrew’s sexually attracted to her, plus it was a little before the scene where Ashley playfully bites him, and (in my opinion) where they almost fully crossed the line (because of Andrew mind you) before their mom came in. We all saw that pillow placement 😂. There are other signs of him being attracted to her before that as well, like when we see him push the thought of hugging her to the back of his mind “where it may fester with all the thoughts he wish he never had” + that scene in the kitchen where he was sort of touching her butt and had his fingers through her belt loop, but when their mom came in he jerked away and looked as if he got caught.

People will claim that Ashley is the only one that’s incestuous and that she “forced” it onto Andrew, but in ch. 2, we see that Andrew is arguably more incestuous than she is. Ashley loves Andrew to death, but she isn’t exactly horny for him the same way he’s horny for her. Think about their reactions to the questionable route vision. Ashley was pretty chill about it, while Andrew was beat red and embarrassed because his repressed inner thoughts just got exposed. The demon clocked his tea 😂.

I’ve spoken about this before so I’ll keep it brief, when it comes to sex Ashley doesn’t care much about it and views it as transactional, as something she can use for personal gain. As I kind of said already, to me, her viewing herself as a sex object and having that view on sex in general ties into the fact that she has internalized misogyny and her personal belief that she’s unlovable. So, not only does she view herself as a sex object, but you could say that she also views other women as sex objects too.

This is my personal opinion which I’ve shared before, but when her and Andrew fully cross the line (because they’re definitely going to) and he finally shows her that he loves her as well, I think her views on sex may change a bit. That she’ll start seeing it as something out of love that they can both enjoy. As something they can experience together, instead of her ignoring her own desires and being his personal sex object to use to attempt to keep him around.

Do I think that Ashley isn’t horny for him at all? Tbh no. I mean she literally says she assumed it would happen between them eventually anyway, so she’s definitely thought about it before. However, it’s nowhere near Andrew’s level lmao. We know Ashley is a virgin and honestly, I think Andrew is the only one she’d happily lose it to. If she were to sleep with anyone else, I doubt she’d enjoy it and would only use it as personal gain for something. As of right now, she views sex as a way of keeping Andrew around, however, I feel this is because of the fact that she doesn’t actually think he loves her and will stay with her on his own. She loves Andrew and wants to be with him, she wants him to reciprocate her love. As I like to say, Andrew’s her boo 😂, that girl doesn’t want anyone else.

Alright, let’s finish dissecting that goofy YouTube comment.

“practically puts the usually male players protective instincts into overdrive.” I don’t know wtf this means lmao, but it made me cringe. Some men need to be banned from speaking on Ashley until we figure out what’s going on 😂. Bc every time they speak on her I lose braincells. “Protective instincts” yet they quite literally don’t understand anything about her character or her struggles 💀. Maybe sit this one out lmao.

Not to sound like a broken record, but a big part of Ashley’s character is that she has very low self-worth and that she doesn’t believe people, more specifically Andrew, could actually love her (💔). I mean think about how she’s been treated for her whole life, it makes sense as to why she developed those feelings about herself and others. Her mindset is “well people never cared about me, so why would I care about them?”. Having people regularly treat you like shit takes a toll on your self-esteem and impacts your world view. Especially if it happens in your childhood.

Ashley quite literally loves Andrew more than she loves herself. I want better for her :’( and she deserves better too. I don’t care about the Ashley haters opinions. There are people who believe that she’s faking her low self-esteem in order to manipulate Andrew….. 🤦🏻‍♀️. Have you even paid attention to anything in the game?? That’s one of the biggest things about her character like hello?

I should have added this in earlier oops, but I’m adding it in now. After her and Andrew first talk to the lady in 302 and they leave her apartment, Ashley asks why the lady got special treatment but they didn’t, and why she didn’t get any food. Andrew responds with “maybe you just aren’t pretty enough”, he wasn’t being serious, but she took it that way. It didn’t help that he said “I mean… wasn’t she?” After Ashley asked if he thought she was pretty. That’s why Ashley wanted to shoot her after the ritual. You can see Ashley looks upset when she asks “do you really think I’m not pretty enough?”. Then gets angry and says “So ugly am I, that I shouldn’t even be fed?”. This is her insecurity and low self-esteem kicking in on full display.

This is a similar situation to what happened when her and Andrew were looking for something to lock Nina in the crate with at the warehouse. She asked him what he thought about Nina and if he found her pretty. He said “she’s fine… I guess”, which made Ashley unhappy. Even though Andrew wasn’t into her, like at all. Ashley has been dealing with insecurity and low self-esteem ever since she was a little girl 😭. I’m so upset for her like you guys have no idea.

After Ashley traps Nina in the crate, there’s a point where she’s crying and says “It’s not fair!! Why does everyone like her better??” “I’m loud and weird and annoying and no one likes me at all!!!”. 😭. My heart is breaking as we speak. It’s hard for me to believe she said all of that just to manipulate Andrew in that scene. I know in ch. 3 we will be delving more into their childhood, and I have a theory that Ashley was also bullied in school. I mean to refer to herself as loud, weird, annoying, and to say that no one likes her at all. That absolutely came from somewhere, and I don’t think it was just from Mrs.Graves.

So, to see people with the emotional depth of a raindrop get online and say that she’s solely the problem, that Andrew needs to get rid of her, and that she’s simply just evil… is, to put it lightly, very annoying. I’m gonna say something, you know I love both Ashley and Andrew, but we need to be honest! People give Andrew too much of a pass. I mean they literally excuse all of the terrible things he’s done and blame Ashley for “making” him do it. They give him a pass for everything, but have 0 empathy for Ashley despite everything going wrong in her life since she was born. They completely ignore that she’s a product of her environment. When it comes down to it, what good experiences in life has she really had?

Also, Andrew is more violent than Ashley is. I think that’s self explanatory. People seem to forget that she quite literally just wants to live a peaceful life with Andrew. During the “quarantine” while they were still in their old apartment, she says “Aside from the starving, it’s not so bad here.” and “Aside from starving, I like it here”. Ashley doesn’t want to live a life of violence and chaos, and we see this in the room before unlocking the door that leads us to the two burial route choices. If you place the knife down (violence) nothing happens, but when you place the flower down (love) - (my bad guys originally I put heart instead of flower, I changed it!) - the door becomes unlocked. She also gets upset when Andrew tells her that they can’t live at their parents new house, she literally doesn’t want to be on the run and just wants stability.

On Pinterest, I see girls talk about how much they hate Ashley in the comment sections. They literally just do this because they think Andrew’s hot 😂. Especially when they call her a bitch, like grow up 🙄. I’ve also seen people refer to her as a “pick me”?? Literally how? Immature teens need to be banned from playing this game LOL. It’s giving those male celebrity fandoms that dig to find anything “problematic” on a girl said male celebrity is dating just because they’re pissed it isn’t them, they don’t actually care if she’s problematic or not.

It’s literally just misogyny, they do this a lot to women in media. Breaking Bad is the biggest example of this, the people that act like Skyler White is worse than Walter are delusional as hell. Sorry, but If you’re misogynistic, lack empathy and/or emotional depth, TCOAAL isn’t for you 🤷🏻‍♀️. Period. That’s why the game deserves a better fanbase than the one it has outside of Tumblr. It deserves better in general.

They don’t care to look into why Ashley is the way she is. If it wasn’t obvious already, Andrew brings out Ashley’s worst behavior and blames her for making him do bad things. In his mind he can’t be guilty, so he needs something on the outside to blame (Ashley). Mrs.Graves contributes to this btw, during the setup of the ritual before they sacrificed her and Mr.Graves she was pretty much saying “I know you don’t want to do this, I know she’s making you do it!” 🤦🏻‍♀️. She sounds like one of those boy moms that go “my son didn’t do shit!” 😂.

The worst are the people who reduce Ashley to fap material and a “hot crazy girl they can fix or make worse” 🤪, and basically fetishize her (unchecked) mental health issues that contribute to how she acts. Again, she’s had crippling insecurities and low self-esteem since she was a kid, Ashley has had just about 0 good life experiences outside of the ones with Andrew. So it is incredibly frustrating to see. I’m like I hate y’all I really do, read the damn room 🙄. They need to stop projecting their weirdo shit onto her.

People who fetishize mental illness and talk about how they want to “date a crazy bitch” are so gross. If/when they actually date someone with said mental health issues, when things get bad and they don’t fit the fantasy anymore, they’ll get disgusted and drop the person struggling with mental issues like trash. Anytime I see a guy say “crazy girls with mental issues are better in bed!”…. I’m like I know what type of man you are 🫥…. Perish 🗣️.

Ashley and Andrew both have unchecked mental illness, we know this. It’s quite literally not their fault. However, I personally don’t feel comfortable diagnosing them. Every time I see someone online say they were a born a psychopath, sociopath, etc. I lose brain cells. Mind you, I’m literally majoring in psychology and I still don’t feel comfortable diagnosing them.

To wrap things up because I know this post is LONG! I empathize with both Andrew and Ashley because they’ve both been dealt a bad hand in life. Their parents failed them in every way, and the society they live in is totally dystopian. However, when it comes to Ashley specifically? I have all the empathy for her in the world, especially because I understand some of the things she’s dealt with and how painful it really is. Digging deeper into her character shows you that she has quite literally been through hell and back. You can say she’s a victim turned villain, but honestly? I don’t really even consider her a villain, maybe that’s controversial to say but 🤷🏻‍♀️, I don’t think she’s irredeemable either. She’s someone who was hurt very badly, her wounds run deep, and she never really got to heal from any of it.

I just want her and Andrew to have a happy ending, it would be nice for them to experience genuine happiness for once. I would also like to see Ashley gain some self love in ch. 3, maybe Andrew will be able to help her with that in a way as their relationship improves.

Honestly, people who act like the questionable burial route is the “bad” ending are in denial so bad. Nemlei has said that “Burial” and “Decay” aren’t an indicator of a “good” or “bad” ending though. There will also be multiple outcomes to discover. I’m both excited, and scared lol.

I love Ashley Graves so much as a character, she’s so interesting and complex. I don’t play about her 😂. When it comes to defending her I’m on the frontlines lmao. The misogyny/hate when it comes to her is crazyyy. I’ll be the odd one out I don’t care, she’s my girlie 💕. It’s always refreshing to see other people who adore her and actually understand her as a character.

~~~~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading ❤️. I think this is my longest post yet 😳.

Also, a big thank you to everyone for all of the notes on my TCOAAL posts! I truly appreciate it. I’m so glad other people adore this game just as much as I do. :)

Unfortunately I’m not able to follow people back since this is a side blog. :/, but I do really appreciate everyone that follows me, I hope you like what I post. 💜

I’m currently working on creating an ooak doll of Ashley! 🤭💕. I’m SO excited to finish it and post her!

I plan on making a post about the Decay route at some point, because I realized I haven’t discussed it much. Probably because that route makes me sad 😓. However, it’s still incredibly interesting and I’m both excited and nervous to see where it goes.

#that one girl who don’t play about ashley graves #ashley graves’s defense attorney #tcoaal spoilers #tcoaal #the coffin of andy and leyley #nemlei #ashley graves #andrew graves #coffincest #gravecest #leyley graves #andy graves #kit9 #i hate reddit #i hate stupid people #this is a pretty long post oops #long post #longer post #just my thoughts

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therealcocoshady · 3 months

Text

Recovery - Chapter 9

Eminem x FemReader (Y/N) fanfiction

Summary : After relapsing, Y/N wakes up next to Marshall. She confronts Cassie and has an anxiety attack.

Tags : Angst, Comfort

CW : Bullying, Alcohol, Drugs, Relapse, Anxiety attack, Mention of masturbation

When you woke up, you were feeling groggy and nauseous. You groaned at the memory from last night. You felt some stirring beside you. It was Marshall, laying next to you on top of the covers.

Hey, he said in a raspy voice. How are you feeling ? Better ?

Mmmmh, you moaned.

He groaned and yawned.

How about we try some words ? He asked. How are you feeling, Y/N ?

Ashamed, you mumbled.

Shocker.

You stared at him as he rubbed his eyes. You couldn’t help but think that he looked perfect, even in the morning. He was pretty damn sexy, only wearing gray sweatpants with no shirt on. He scratched his beard before looking at you.

Did you sleep here ? You asked.

No, I slept in the garden but decided to come back here before you woke up, he said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes. Yes I slept here. I wanted to make sure you were alright.

Thanks, you said. You could have slept in your bedroom, you know ? Instead of here with me.

And risk finding you dead in a puddle of your own barf ? Nope, he groaned. I don’t feel like having forensics in the house on a Sunday morning. The press would have a field day, though.

Oh my God, the press…, you murmured as you remembered the flashing camera from last night.

I called Paul after you fell asleep, he said. He’s going to try and get the picture deleted. He gave me so much shit about it.

I’m sorry, you whispered as you took your face in your hands.

You were embarrassed. There was so much that you needed to apologize for.

It’s fine, he shrugged. It’s Paul anyway. He gives me shit all the time. That’s kind of his job, you know ?

I’m so sorry I ruined your night…

You didn’t, he said in a softer voice. I mean, I could have done without the worry, for sure, but my night pretty much sucked anyway.

Why ? You asked.

I hate that kind of events, he shrugged. I was there because the Lions PR Team wanted me to do some promo shit. I was supposed to meet someone there to talk about that but I ended up swarmed by drunk people bugging me about the album. And then, I had to take some ho to my place, he chuckled.

God, I am so embarrassed, you whined.

About what part exactly ? He grinned.

All of it ? You said. I mean, you had to help my grown-ass to undress and shower and you held my hair while I threw up. That’s pretty damn embarrassing.

He chuckled and looked at you.

Yup, he simply said.

I’d say the outfit and kissing people was pretty embarrassing, too. And… Oh my God I danced, too, you whined.

Oh yeah. That was some dancing, he grinned.

Just kill me, please, you whined.

He let out a laugh as you buried your face in your hands. Suddenly, the idea of digging a hole and dying there was quite appealing.

It’s fine, he said with a chuckle. I mean, you got some good moves. Didn’t expect you to, to be honest.

Yeah, I don’t know about that…

It wasn’t that bad, I promise. You put on quite a show on the dance floor.

God, I made a fool of myself, you sighed.

I don’t think you did, he said earnestly. Everyone there was doing the same thing anyway… But yeah, that was a bit foolish. I mean, it’s just not you, Y/N.

You nodded softly.

I don’t deserve you being so nice to me, you sighed.

Me being an ass to you wouldn’t help matters, he shrugged. Besides, you already know what you did wrong. You’re a grown woman.

I thought you were going to kill me, back there, you whispered.

Dramatic, much ? He chuckled. I mean, yeah, I wasn’t really pleased with you. I was mostly worried, though…

Mmmh.

I thought you were doing good, you know ? He explained. You were sober for, what… Four months ?

Yeah, going on five, you said with a hint of sadness. And now I threw it all away…

Slipping… it happens, he said. What matters is that you’re able to dust yourself off and try again.

Easy for you to say, you mumbled. You’ve been sober for fifteen years.

He scoffed and shook his head.

You’re not the only person it happens to, you know ? He sighed. I’ve tried to quit a few times before I managed to stop for good. I’ve slipped-up and relapsed a few times. Even after rehab.

You did ? You asked.

Yeah. So I’ve been there and I know how you feel. I just wish I would have known you were struggling, he said.

I wasn’t struggling, you said. I mean… There were times lately, when I missed drinking, but that’s about it. I think that… I have been feeling a bit lonely, mostly.

You didn’t tell me that, he pointed out.

Does it matter ?

Of course it does, he said softly. You matter.

You let out a small “aw” and blushed. He sat up and stroked your shoulder.

So, what happened last night that led you to this ? Walk me through it, ok ?

You sighed and proceeded to tell him everything. How happy you were to see Cassie, how generous and kind she was to you and how much you didn’t want to disappoint her or let her down. How her calling you a dud made you want to gain her approval so badly. You also mentioned that, regardless of the fact that you had messed up, you looked up to her and you wished you could be more like her but only seemed to get as sociable when you were under the influence.

This girl is a bully, he scoffed.

No she’s not, you replied.

That’s high school mean girl 101, Y/N, he said. You do realize she used you as a prop, right ? She played with you like a doll, she dressed you up in that skimpy outfit, ignored you when she wanted to flirt with people and used you to arouse men, either by kissing you or suggesting threesomes…

Well, if you put it like that, it does make her look pretty bad, you mumbled. But she’s my friend !

She's not, he groaned. Talia is your friend. Jamal is your friend. I am your friend. This girl ? Nope.

You sighed. Maybe he was right on some level, but you didn’t want to hear it. After all, Cassie had been there for you numerous times.

Well, I have to see her today, you said. I still have stuff in her hotel room.

I’ll take you, he offered. But first, we should discuss what you’re going to do.

That’s fair. What am I going to do ?

First, you’re going to tell Talia and Jamal as soon as I take you home. They’re your roommates and they deserve to know that kind of thing. Lying about it would be a shitty idea anyway, he said.

Talia’s going to kill me, you said.

She’s not, he said softly. Then, first thing tomorrow, you’re going to a meeting and calling your sponsor.

Meetings are on wednesday, you said.

I’ll get you an appointment with a therapist, then. You need to see someone. The earlier the better. If today wasn’t Sunday, you’d be there already.

You nodded, but tears were welling in your eyes.

I can’t do it, you said as you choked on your words. Marshall, I just… I can’t. I can’t face people and tell them I fucked up.

Hey, he said softly as he took your hand in his. Yes you can, and you will. Shit happens. Do you remember what I said when I took you to the observatory ?

That I’m not alone ?

Exactly. Your road to recovery doesn’t have to be a lonely one, he reminded you as he stroked your cheek. I got you. So do Talia and Jamal. The others at the studio too. They love you.

They do ? You asked.

Yeah. Everyone thinks you’re great. They keep going on about how cute you are. Especially when you fall asleep on the couch, he chuckled.

Thank you, you whispered as you let your head roll on his shoulder. I love them too, you know ?

He kissed the top of your head and decided to get up.

Get up, Dobby, I’ll make you breakfast, he said.

Are you really going to call me that ? You groaned before letting out a yawn.

Yep, he said with a smile. You were right, you do look like a house elf in my tee-shirt.

I wouldn’t have pegged you as a Harry Potter fan, you said with a grin.

My youngest was obsessed with the movies and books for a while, he chuckled. She’d be so proud of me right now. Anyway, breakfast in ten minutes, ok ?

You nodded and took some time to stretch as he walked towards the door.

Oh, and, Dobby ? You’re much hotter in my clothes than in last night’s dress, he added with a wink.

He left the room and you were speechless. You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks.

Have you seen my phone ? You asked Marshall when you walked in the kitchen to the smell of pancakes.

No idea about your phone, but your purse is on the table, he said.

You grabbed your phone, that was inside your handbag and checked your phone. You had about fifty notifications. Had you been sleeping that long ? Had the world ended without you knowing ? Was someone dead ?

From : Unknown. “Hey. It’s Jared. Loved meeting you tonight. When are you free for dinner ?”

From : Talia. “Is that really you in the picture with Em ???”

From : Talia. “Hand holding and stuff ?!?! What is happening ??? I thought you were with Cassie ???”

From : Talia. “CALL. ME. BACK. I need to knoooooow !!!”

From : Talia. “If you call me back I promise I will let the questionable outfit slide. We need to talk about your fashion sense tho…”

From : Talia. “I know the two of you are probably busy right now, but call me back when you can ??? I hope he is ravishing the shit out of you right now :)”

From : Unknown. “I just saw the pictures online. I didn’t realize you were with Em ! Sorry I suggested that date. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful at all…!”

It didn’t take too long to figure out the photos had been published. You quickly went online and saw a bunch of headlines. You also received messages from people you hadn’t seen in a long time. It was as if, suddenly, they remembered you. You knew it was no coincidence.You clicked on an article titled “Eminem in love ?!”.

“Eminem is known to be somewhat of a recluse and very private about his personal life, but he was spotted leaving a fancy fundraising event in Detroit yesterday night, holding hands with an unknown woman. No smile on his face, as usual, but his jacket on her shoulder and the hand-holding says it all ! The rapper was reportedly holding her tightly and keeping her close when they exited the party and hopped in a car, accompanied by his bodyguards. The news has fans in a frenzy and desperate for details. We do not know the name of the woman, who wore a stunning Sandro dress and Jimmy Choo accessories (no doubt gifted by her wealthy beau). It is the first time the Rap God was spotted with a woman since his divorce from ex-wife Kim, with whom he shares three children.”

Fuck, you mumbled under your breath.

What’s wrong ? He asked as he placed a plate in front of you.

You gave him your phone. He took a minute to read the article and groaned.

Guess Paul was too late, he mumbled. I’m sorry about that, Y/N.

I’m sorry, you said sheepishly.

I don’t care, he said. I mean, I’m used to dating rumors, you know ? It just sucks for you…

Well… My phone is buzzing with people congratulating me, you giggled. And at least I don’t look wasted on the pics. Although I think it just cost me a date.

What date ? He asked suspiciously.

A guy named Jared asked me out yesterday, you explained. He’s a football player.

Jared Goff ? The Lions quarterback ?!

Yeah, him. Anyway, he just texted and apologized for asking me on a date and hitting on me, you said.

Sorry for accidentally cockblocking you, he chuckled.

Maybe that’s karma ? You said with a shy smile. Anyway, I don’t think I would have said yes. I wasn’t really myself last night, after all. Poor guy would have been disappointed

He chuckled and you ate breakfast.

You know, maybe it’s for the best, he commented between bites. Maybe you should hold back on the dating thing. You’re going to have to focus on recovery anyway.

I guess, you groaned. That’s unfair though.

How so ? He asked.

I can’t get drunk, I can’t take pills, I can’t even smoke a fucking cigarette and now I can’t get laid ?! You blurted out.

You could tell he wasn’t expecting that statement, as he almost spilled his orange juice.

Classy, he grinned.

I’m serious, though, you pouted. I’m feeling lonely. I want affection. I want hugs…

He smiled as he put an arm around your shoulders.

That’s easily remedied, he said softly.

… and I want sex,you continued.

Aaaand we’re done, he chuckled as he let go of you.

How did you do it ? You asked. How did you manage to stay abstinent ? Also, when did you start dating again ?

You’re 27, for God’s sake, do I really have to explain to you how masturbation works, Y/N ? He groaned as your face reddened.

But it’s not the same, though, you said. I want contact, I want intimacy. Maybe I should get a friend with benefits…

Right, he chortled. Good luck with that.

You don’t think I could get one ?! You asked in an offended tone.

Oh, believe me, after the show you put on last night, I know you could get absolutely anyone, he chuckled. But a lot of people seem to think you are spoken for, now. By yours truly, no less.

Until you put out a statement, that is, you replied.

Yeah, I’m not doing that.

What ?! You asked in disbelief.

A statement will get people talking. Saying nothing and waiting for the thing to die out is probably the best option, he explained. Besides, I wouldn’t be offended if people thought I was with you. I don’t really mind, to be honest.

So, you’re not worried that it would cockblock you ?

Nope. If anything, people might be leaving me alone on the subject for a while. I’m not really into dating anyway, he shrugged.

Are you some sort of asexual hermit monk ? you asked teasingly.

I think we’ve established that I’m not, he said with a smirk. Unlike some people, though, I know how to keep it in my pants.

Oh, I can keep it in my pants, you said as you rolled your eyes. I just don’t really want to.

Right, he chortled.

Anyway, do you know if Porter is seeing anyone ?

He froze as you asked the question and dropped the glass he had in hand, causing it to shatter on the floor.

Shit, he groaned. You’re not serious right ?!

Relax, I’m joking, you giggled. You should see your face, though. It’s hilarious.

You’re impossible, he said, rolling his eyes.

You chuckled and helped him clear the glass pieces on the floor.

Anyway, I get how you’re feeling. But just be careful, ok ? You need to be safe and healthy. That should come first. Not your sexual urges. To answer your question, I didn’t date for a couple of years after getting sober. I just focused on my family and music. Also, I have found that exercising really gets your mind off… You know, he said with a grin.

I’ll keep that in mind, you chuckled.

And if you need hugs, I’m here, he said with a smile. Just hugs though.

You giggled and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Thanks for being so amazing, you said. Thank you for being here.

Anything for you, Dobby, he chuckled.

Anything ? you smirked. Really ?

Oh, man… Why do I feel like I’m going to regret this ? He sighed with a grin.

Well, I do look amazing in that Saint Laurent jacket…, you began. I mean, the pictures in the article prove it.

Not happening, nope, he said as he shook his head.

Can’t blame a girl for trying, you giggled. Your closet is full of great pieces.

I’ll tell you what, he said with a smile, if you’re good and put in some work towards your recovery, I might let you borrow some stuff.

Really ? You squealed. Even the jacket ?

Yeah. Even the jacket. For every sobriety milestone, you get to borrow a thing for my closet. Except for my sneakers and a few pieces of jewelry. The rest is fair game, he said.

I’m going to crush recovery, you said cockily.

Don’t get ahead of yourself, Dobby, he chuckled. You need to stick to therapy, go to meetings, and mostly, you have to call me or anyone else before you fuck up. Not after. Understood ?

Yes, sir, you giggled. Totally unrelated, but is 10 hours sober a milestone ?

Go and take a shower and get dressed, he said as he shook his head. I think I have the clothes you left here last time around there somewhere. Then, I’ll take you to the hotel, ok ?

An hour later, you knocked at the door of Cassie’s hotel room. Marshall was waiting for you in the parking lot. He offered to go up with you, but you figured that you needed to have a talk with your friend, one on one. As much as you didn’t want to believe what Marshall was telling you about her using you, you wanted things to be clear.

Hey chérie, she said with a smile as she opened the door and let you into the suite. Last night was sooo fun. I do have a bit of a hangover, though.

Oh yeah ? You asked awkwardly.

A guy I met took me to an afterparty, she explained. I ended up coming back here in the morning with a couple of people. They just left.

Oh, did you…?

Yes, we fucked, she giggled.

Speaking of which… Can I talk to you ?

Of course, she shrugged.

You sat on the couch and your anxiety levels started to rise. You didn’t quite know where to begin.

What, you mean to tell me that you got laid by Eminem last night ? she chuckled.

W-What ?! No, absolutely not, you said.

Relax, she said. I saw the pictures online, but I figured nothing happened. If that’s any comfort, I don’t think anyone is going to believe it anyway. No offense but… You couldn’t get someone like that.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Was your friend seriously implying that you weren’t good enough for Marshall ?! You sort of knew that already, but it stung.

What do you mean by that, Cass ?

What ? Just the truth, Baby, she shrugged. Men like that, they like beautiful, interesting girls. Not that you don’t look good, but… You’re sort of plain, you know ? You see what I mean, don’t you ?

I don’t, you said.

Whatever, she said. I just think you’re not the type to hang out with someone like that. Even as a friend, you know ? I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know that. I’m just being honest here. I’m your friend.

Is that why you basically dragged me into a threesome with him ? Because we’re friends ?

Oh God, you really haven’t changed, have you ? she asked with a laugh.

You bit your lip.

Seriously, you were always so sensitive, Ms Goody Two Shoes. I flirted, it was a joke, alright ? We had kissed earlier because you were being initiating. You’re the one who told me you were horny, remember ? I don’t see what the big deal is. Nothing happened. Even if it did… You would have had a great experience, she said as she rolled her eyes.

I wasn’t initiating, you muttered.

You said you were horny, she pointed out.

Only because of the stuff you gave me, you squealed.

I gave you this because I knew you wouldn’t have a great time otherwise, Y/N. And guess what ? You had a great time. You danced, you flirted…You were finally acting normal.

I was drunk.

What’s the big deal ? She sighed. It happens to everyone. You were drunk, so what ? No one died.

I just… What I mean to say is… I don’t feel comfortable with what happened last night. It doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not who I am, you know ? You tried to explain, while keeping your composure.

Maybe you should ask yourself the right questions, Y/N, she scoffed.

Meaning ?

Is this really who you want to be ? A 27 year-old dork who is still in school, single, living with two roommates, with a sad social life ? You could do so much better with your life.

In this instant, she managed to break your heart. Recovery and yesterday’s fuck-up aside, you were pretty proud of who you were. Granted, you didn’t have a lot of friends, a boyfriend or a glamorous job. You weren’t a homeowner either. But you always thought you were doing pretty well, especially considering the hand you had been dealt.

Is it what you think ? You asked as your voice broke. That I’m not good enough ?

I didn’t say that, she defended herself.

I thought you were my friend, you muttered.

I am your friend, Y/N. I want you to thrive, she shrugged. You should be thanking me. Honestly, do you have a lot of people in your life who want the best for you ?

I do, you said, feeling extremely defensive. I have Talia and Jamal, I have Marshall…

For how long though ? she asked.

What do you mean ?

I’m just thinking that, if you weren’t such a dud, maybe you’d have more people around you, you know ? You’d have more friends. People you meet would stick around. You’d have a boyfriend. Hell, maybe Simon wouldn’t have left you.

You swallowed dryly and got up. You decided this was your cue to leave.

I can’t take this anymore. Goodbye, Cassie, you said as you grabbed your things before exiting the room.

Y/N, wait…

Tears were streaming down your cheeks when you got to the parking lot. As he saw you come, Marshall immediately got out of the car and engulfed you in a hug.

What’s wrong? He asked.

I’m fine, you lied with a breaking voice.

Bullshit, he sighed. You’re crying. What happened ?

You didn’t talk. Instead, you simply looked in his eyes. As you stared at him, you were reminded of Cassie’s words. “For how long ?”. Suddenly, something hit you and you felt scared. You realized that you were playing a dangerous game. In a matter of months, he had become a constant in your life. Most of the time, not a week went by without you seeing him at least twice. You texted all the time, whether it was to talk about your day or simply to exchange silly jokes. He was always there for you but, as thankful as you were, you were scared of the day he wouldn’t be around anymore. It would come eventually. Maybe Cassie was right. Maybe there was something about you that made people want to leave. And, let’s face it, she was definitely onto something when she said that girls like you usually aren’t interesting enough for people like him. He walked into your life unexpectedly, but you feared the moment he would walk out. He kept on gazing at you, waiting for you to talk, but you couldn’t.

Talk to me, he said softly.

I have to go, you whispered.

Go where ? I don’t understand, Y/N.

You took a step back and muttered an apology before starting to walk out of the parking lot. At that moment, nothing made sense anymore. You realized that maybe you had been wrong all along. Maybe you were in fact a 27 year-old failure. If so, why bother people ? They would be better off without you, right ? Hell, it wasn’t just about Marshall. It was about all your friends. Maybe you should do them a favor and leave them be.

You were still wearing your heels from last night, as you obviously didn’t have any spare pair of shoes at Marshall’s place and had not taken the time to change since retrieving your stuff from the hotel room. Your feet hurt but you kept on walking.

Y/N, Marshall called as he followed you.

Please leave me alone, you said.

I’m not leaving you alone when you’re crying and just had a slipping episode, he said as he grabbed your arm. Just come with me, ok ? We’ll talk.

Get away from me !!!! You yelled as you pushed him.

He looked at you, taken aback. It was the first time you yelled at him and you could tell he was not expecting it. His eyes were full of questions. But what exactly could you say that would actually make sense ?

I’m sorry, you whispered. I just… I have to…

You were panting and slurring your words. It was all too much. The only thing you wanted was to get out of here, but as seconds went by, it was clear that your body would not cooperate. You felt a pain in your chest and your heart was pounding. Despite your attempt to move, you were unable to. To make things worse, your eyes were wide open but you couldn’t quite see. It was all a blur. You were feeling trapped. You were on the floor, your hand on your chest.

Y/N, Marshall said in a soft yet alarmed voice. You need to breathe, ok ?

I… C-can’t, you stuttered.

Yes, you can, he reassured you. I’ll help you. I’m going to touch your hand. Is that alright ?

You tried to nod, to the best of your ability, but your body felt so stiff that you weren’t sure if Marshall could see your reaction or not. Regardless, he got closer and gently took your hand in his before placing it on his chest. You could feel his heartbeat.

Now, you’re going to try and inhale through your nose and take in as much air as you can, ok ? Can you do that for me ?

I…

Don’t speak for now. Just inhale. As deep as you can, he directed. And then, exhale slowly.

Your first tentative attempt to breathe deeply was a complete failure. You thought you were going to end up choking. Yet, after a while, you managed to breathe a bit more normally, slowly. Your hand was against Marshall’s chest, his own breath guiding yours. One of his hands was on your back, gently holding you.

That’s it. You’re doing so good, Y/N, he encouraged you.

Mar…, you began.

Shhh. Just keep breathing for now, ok ?

As minutes went by, you were shivering, but thankfully, you were breathing properly.

You’re safe, he said gently. It may not feel like this right now, but I promise. I got you.

You closed your eyes as he wiped the tears from your cheeks. You stayed like this for a while, unable to tell if it was seconds or hours. Eventually, you came back to your senses.

Do you feel better ? He asked.

Yes, you whispered. I’m so sorry.

What the hell are you apologizing for ? He chuckled. Having a panic attack ? Yeah, you better apologize for things that are out of your control…

You let out a small, exhausted laugh. He kissed the top of your head and you went back to the car. Your body was stiff and tense.

Let’s get you home now, he said gently as he started driving. You need some rest.

Can we… not ? You asked anxiously.

What’s wrong, Y/N ? He asked.

I don’t know, you replied. I just…

If you’d had any tears left, you would have cried. Instead, you just choked on your words. You took a breath and tried to speak more clearly.

I don’t want to face them, you explained. Especially Talia. I can’t disappoint her like this, you know ?

They’re your friends, he said. Sure, once you come clean about what happened and the fact that you used again, they won’t be too pleased. But you’ll be fine. Because they love you and they care about you.

For how long, though ? You blurted out.

What ?

They would be better off without me. Everyone would be better off without me, you said. I’m a failure. I stall people. Who wants that ?

You’re only saying that because you slipped and you’re tired, he replied as he shook his head. Is that what your friend told you ? Of all people, I don’t think she is the one you should listen to.

No, I figured that myself, you said. But as much as I am mad at Cassie right now… She got a few things right.

Oh yeah ? About what ? He scoffed.

I’m a failure, you simply said.

That’s not true.

No, Marshall, you don’t understand ! She said I'm a 27 year-old dork who is still in school, single, living with two roommates with a sad social life. That is absolutely true. She also said that… It doesn’t make sense why someone like you would hang out with… someone like me. She’s not wrong about that either.

He shook his head and scoffed.

I hang out with you because I like you, Y/N, he said. And because of everything else she said.

What do you mean ? You asked with a confused look.

Let’s dissect, ok ? You’re 27. That’s a fact. I don’t have to have an opinion about it. Same goes for the single thing. As for the rest… I think it’s great that you are still in school. It shows that you are driven and that you are full of ambition. You’re getting a fucking PhD, for God’s sake. Not a lot of people can do that, you know ? You’re the smartest person I know. Most of the time, when you talk about your work, I don’t understand a word of what you’re saying. But I see how passionate you are, and it’s fucking inspiring. And you are a dork. But it’s fucking great. I love that about you. I think that’s the cutest and funniest thing ever. I’m a dork too. There’s nothing wrong with that. And you do have friends. You have us. You have me. You might not be the most sociable person I know. That’s true. But that’s fine. I like that you’re not the loud type anyway. And it’s cool that you live with Talia and Jamal. I’d even go so far as to say that I like it, because otherwise… I wouldn’t have met you, you know what I’m saying ?

You stared at him and nodded.

Don’t let her get into your head, he continued. You’re absolutely amazing. There isn’t a thing I would change about you. Meeting you is the greatest thing that’s happened to me in the past year. You’re a ray of sunshine. Every time you walk in the studio, you make everyone’s day better, just by being you. You make those silly jokes, you put up with us and, most importantly, you get us. You’re not one of those groupies who think of us as stereotypes. Especially me. You’re so genuine, it’s refreshing. So don’t let anyone change that. You are exceptional. You are brave, strong, and beautiful, inside and out.

You couldn’t help but think it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever told you. Sure, you’d received compliments before, but never to this extent. Hell, none of the people you had dated had never made such a declaration. You could tell by the look on his face that he meant every word he had just said.

I’m scared to lose my friends, you finally said in an emotional voice. Especially you.

You’re not losing anyone, Y/N. Especially me, he chuckled as he brushed your face with his hand. Don’t you worry about that. You’re pretty much stuck with me.

You giggled softly before curling on the car seat and watching him for the rest of the drive. You felt comforted, grounded by his presence. It was a good thing, too, because you weren’t too sure how the conversation with Talia and Jamal would turn out.

#marshall mathers headcanons #marshall mathers imagine #marshall mathers x reader #eminem imagine #eminem fluff #eminem x reader #eminem fanfiction #slim shady #marshall mathers #eminem #recovery fanfiction

64 notes · View notes

thencitytales · 19 days

Text

Non-stop Teasing - CYJ

🌷Pairing: Choi Yeonjun of TXT x fem!reader (3rd person used)

🌷 kinda enemies to lovers

🌷wc: 4.1k

🌷 Fluff? sort of angsty tho

🌷 warning: drinking, cussing, frat party, Yeonjun being kind of down bad

🌷There are a few other idols mentioned, some of them in a relationship with each other, I do not think these people are together nor do I ship them, I just felt like the story could have used these dort of relationships (ChaewonxWooyoung, KarinaxJeno)

🌷 Hey!! I am back because i felt like it. This fic is a fleeting idea i had a long time ago and was finally able to finish. In the beginning it was not meant for Yeonjun but it had mostly OC'S so if you see random names I'm sorry, I have yet to proofread it. Feel free to give me notes and feedback, as I appreciate it a lot!! 'Til next time <3

(not my GIF)

Yeonjun. Stupid, fucking Yeonjun.

Idiot, average-looking yet so stupidly attractive Yeonjun.

“If you really hate him you should stop staring at him, you know?” a blonde girl talked to her best friend, who shushed her in response.

“Shut up Chaewon, I’m not staring” Y/N retorted against her best friend.

Except she was, and she knew it.

Another person in the library was also very aware of Y/N and what she was doing, because he could feel her eyes pierce through his head.

And he loved it.

“Ask anybody here, they’ll say you’re staring,” Chaewon said in an amused tone, making Y/N’s eye twitch in frustration.

“Well, then it’s hate-staring, glaring if you will,” Y/N looked away from the boy and glared at her best friend, turning her head ever so slowly, as to recreate the scene in a horror movie.

“Just like I’m glaring at you right now.” Chaewon let out a laugh at her friend’s antics and shrugged it off.

“Sure thing, love. Keep telling yourself that.”Chaewon said. Y/N could only scoff before going back to look at her books.

Look was indeed the best word to describe what she was doing, the words on the page being read for the tenth time in as many minutes without understanding nor absorbing any of it. Biology sucked, and so did Y/N’s brain at that moment. So much so that after a couple of seconds she got distracted again.

“What is it with the stupid beanie anyway? Like what’s the deal with that? DO YOU THINK HE HAS A BALD SPOT?” Y/N whisper-screamed, making Chaewon almost spit out the water she was trying to drink after finally reaching the end of her chapter.

Suddenly the girls heard a louder voice coming from behind them.

“It’s actually for style-related purposes, no bald spot, though if you’re still in doubt you could always ask him. Also, Y/N, you were one hundred percent staring at Yeonjun, just FYI.” Wooyoung said whilst chuckling at the little jump the girls made upon hearing him. Y/N turned around, red in the face, a mixture of embarrassment for being caught and pure wrath, caused by Wooyoung’s presence.

“How long have you been here?” She said bitterly. The boy could sense she wanted to add something, the words dying in her throat a bit too fast. He assumed a “dickhead”, or “asshole” was missing, but he let it go, not teasing her any further.

“The whole time, love,” he said mocking what Chaewon had said to her friend just a few minutes prior. Then turned away and returned to his spot at the same table with Yeonjun, Soobin and Changbin.

Y/N looked warily at her surroundings to make sure no one else was around to eavesdrop on them.

“How in actual hell are you able to like that guy?” Her shocked expression clearly visible on her features.

Chaewon shrugged.

“He just likes to tease you, he’s actually very nice” She answered, her cheeks turning slightly pink before continuing.

“I mean it’s not like they’re the fuckboys group.” When Chaewon said that, Y/N was still looking at them and immediately turned around.

“No, they’re worse, at least the fuckboys are self-aware of how awful they are” she sighed.

“Oh my God you’re so dramatic,” Chaewon said rolling her eyes before going back to typing at her computer.

Y/N shut up and went back to try and drill a hole through Yeonjun’s head with her gaze, sadly, without any success.

As if on cue, the boy turned around, looked at her, smirked, and turned back to speak with Changbin, making her avert her gaze and awkwardly look around to find God knows what.

She couldn’t take it anymore, her heart pounding in her chest was beginning to feel like it was too much, she could literally hear it and the sensation made her shudder. She got up and headed to the bathroom searching for some quick fix to the sudden heat of her body.

As soon as she got there Y/N quickly splashed her face with some cold water to try and stop it from getting all red, failing miserably. She looked defeatedly at her reflection.

“This is a PSA for that tiny voice living at the back of my head, I am kindly asking you to shut up” She lightly hit her head with her hand in the process so that the point would go across.

“You understand me??” The girl sighed and took a step back from the sink to exit the bathroom, but as soon as she turned around a familiar face was standing leaning on the door frame.

“Try hitting it harder next time, that should work better.” He chuckled lightly before taking a step towards her.

“This is the girls’ bathroom, Yeonjun” Y/N backed up and glared at him for what was probably the thousandth time that day.

“Sorry, I was headed to the guys’ bathroom but something here caught my attention” he smirked once again.

Y/N was on the verge of breaking. That smirk. He had to know the effect it had on her. Or was it just a stupid habit of his?

It didn’t really matter. Either way, she wanted to kiss him so badly right now. And subsequently, run away, completely change identities, go to Peru, and start a potato plantation or something, to hopefully never be found again. She would never EVER admit to wanting to kiss that boy.

Frustrated even more than before, she ran back to the table where Chaewon was waiting for her, shoving Yeonjun in the process, and making him audibly laugh, clearly enjoying how easily he could fluster her.

“I gotta go, or I’m going to be late for the party,” Chaewon said the moment she saw her best friend enter her view.

“Again” Y/N added to Chaewon’s statement, knowing how long the blonde usually takes to get ready. The other girl got up and quickly added:

“Remember, I’ll be at your dorm around 10 pm, we’ll see what to do from there. Remind Ryujin too when you get home, please.” Chaewon said while collecting all of her stuff and messily throwing it in her bag.

“Sure thing, I’ll finish this chapter and go home too in a half-hour or so. Don’t worry about Ryujin, knowing her, she’ll be all dressed up already. You know who you should be worried about, though.” Y/N answered, looking up from her books.

“I already texted Karina, I told her I’d be at hers around 9:30 so she’ll hopefully be ready when we actually get there.” The girl chuckled at her best friend’s trickery and waved her goodbye, mumbling a “perfect” in the meanwhile.

On her way out Chaewon was stopped in her tracks by a slightly taller figure.

“Hey there,” he sweetly addressed the girl.

“Hi Wooyoung, I’d love to stop and chat with you but I really need to go.”

“See you at the party, then” Chaewon looked at him surprised.

“You should really stop eavesdropping other people’s conversations. Besides, you don’t even know which party we were talking about, there’s like 5 every Friday night without counting the ones outside of campus”

He gave her a playful smile and said “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.” The girl laughed and answered “Good luck, darling” before going her way.

After that Wooyoung quickly got back to the guys’ table where all of his friends were sitting, trying to finish some sort of group project.

“Okay, talking about important things, what do you guys know about parties tonight?” Wooyoung said, sitting down.

“You mean here in the campus? or in general? Also like, frat houses or bars?” Soobin started throwing questions at him to try and narrow down the search.

“I don't know, man, Chaewon was talking to the Menace and they said they were going to a party tonight.” Wooyoung just answered him calmly.

As soon as he heard the words “Menace” and “party” together in a sentence Yeonjun’s interest was piqued. He looked at Wooyoung, completely ignoring the semi-blank document opened in front of him.

“Well I don’t think they’d go off campus, the Menace is too lazy for that, she’d want to be as close to the dorm as possible.” Soobin started the brainstorming session.

“That still leaves like at least five or six parties” Changbin pointed out, then turned to Wooyoung and asked:

“Is it just the two of them?” to which Wooyoung quickly added Ryujin and Karina to the mix.

As soon as Karina’s name came up Changbin and Soobin looked at each other and said: “Keystone Lodge.”

“Is there something I don’t know?” Wooyoung asked given how the boys answered the place of the party seemed obvious but he had no idea.

“Karina’s boyfriend, Jeno. He’s in the frat.” Soobin pointed out.

“Okay but aren’t parties at KL like, invitation-only or something like that?” Changbin quickly raised the question.

Yeonjun, who had just started fantasizing about what could’ve happened at the party and had no intentions of having his dreams ruined just like that, said: “don’t worry guys, be prepared, I’ll text you later.” and quickly got up and gathered his things before exiting the library.

“Does he have to do it every time?” Soobin asked.

“He got it from Mark, says it gives him the surprise effect later on and the mysterious effect right away.” Changbin answered rolling his eyes, to which the other two guys only answered almost in awe with an “Ooh.” probably thinking it was the best idea a man could have.

“Okay, how did you get us in Yeonjun?” Wooyoung asked, almost alarmed at how quickly and seemingly easily their friend acquired the invitations.

“I know Haechan, and he owed me. He still does.” the older boy simply stated, raising Wooyoung's alarm instead of calming him down.

“Now let’s get this party started” Yeonjun exclaimed walking up the stairs to Keystone’s Lodge with a smirk on his face.

“You’re going to try and make her life hell, aren’t you?” Changbin said clearly amused at how his friend was planning on being even more annoying to Y/N than he usually was.

“Just wait and see Changbin, just wait and see.” the smirk on Yeonjun’s face growing with every step to the door he knocked on, where they found a guy standing alone, waiting for proof of invitations.

Inside the Frat house, the music was blasting. The air felt damp and everything smelled like cheap alcohol, adding to the mix the group of smoking boys at the far end of the room anyone could imagine that the atmosphere was not very romantic. Which is exactly what they expected.

Changbin went straight for the bar, getting everybody something to drink as the other guys scanned the room for their targets.

Wooyoung quickly saw Chaewon sitting on the couch with her friends. They were talking to a few frat guys but they seemed nonthreatening enough to his ego. The Menace was sitting dangerously close to one of them, almost in his lap. Wooyoung could not recognize the guy though, no matter how much he squinted.

He nudged his friends and with a nod pointed the scene out, hoping they would get curious and approach them, so he could flirt with Chaewon once again.

As soon as he realized what was going on, Soobin turned to look at Yeonjun’s reaction, gesturing to Changbin to hurry over, so he could witness it too because despite what those two liked to admit, they had this tension between them that was almost romantic. They were definitely, on some level, attracted to each other but they would never admit it. That’s why Changbin Soobin and Wooyoung were now staring at Yeonjun, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever they had theorized.

Yeonjun’s brows furrowed. The night just started and everything had to be so simple already, not even a bit of a challenge. He sighed, took a drink from Changbin’s hands, and turned to Wooyoung.

“Let’s go say hi to your princess, shall we?” Yeonjun told his friend, who was very happy about the poor lighting, meaning the other boys were not made aware of his rosy cheeks prompted by Yeonjun's comment.

As they approached, Chaewon saw them and a big smile tugged on her lips. She raised a hand to say hi and the boys did the same.

“Well Well Well, I’m surprised to see little Sherlock actually did find us.” She chuckled looking at Wooyoung.

“I told you I could do it. I’m very resourceful” he winked and the girl lightly laughed.

Everybody then fell back into conversation, except Y/N and her mystery guy, who were so distracted by each other that they didn’t even say hi to the newcomers.

Yeonjun cleared his voice.

“I know you don’t like us Y/N but not saying hi is simply rude, even for you.” He smirked, knowing very well what it did to her.

The girl turned around, her surroundings didn’t make it easy to hear but she was sure she heard a voice talking to her.

From her sitting position she looked at the new figures that had joined the conversation. And then she saw his face. She simply rolled her eyes.

“Who even invited you here? Seriously, please tell me so I can avoid the lunatic all night long, people just become crazier and crazier by the day”

“Actually,” Yeonjun chuckled.

The guy whom Y/N was talking to gently removed his hands from her hips, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“I think that might have been me,” He said.

Y/N looked at Haechan with a void expression.

“You’re his friend?” She asked, not believing it for a moment.

Haechan was slightly taken aback by the question, thinking the answer to be obvious, so he simply answered:

“Yeah?” at which Y/N glared at both the boys.

“That’s a shame, I really liked you.” And with that, she got up and went to the bar to pour herself yet another drink. The alcohol was probably what made her act so suddenly with that silly explanation but even sober her had no intention of being affiliated in any way with Yeonjun.

Seeing how Y/N was behaving, the boy thought that his mission was going to be such a delight with how simple she was making it.

Yeonjun followed her, leaving behind their friends absorbed in whatever conversation, and a very confused Haechan sitting on the couch.

As Y/N approached the bar, she bumped into a few people obstructing passages left and right and leaving her even more annoyed than she already was.

She took one of the red cups and poured herself some beer.

Not the ideal drink but it was the first thing her hands were able to grasp.

As she was about to take a sip, a hand snatched her drink.

“Thanks, I was very thirsty,” Yeonjun told her, earning a glare once again that day.

“How do you manage to be so annoying Yeonjun?” Y/N said while pouring another cup, this time she grabbed some gin, sensing she would need something stronger than a beer.

“I give it my best, just for you” he grinned.

Y/N couldn’t help but groan as she looked for the soda to mix her drink.

“What did I ever do to you? Have I offended you in any way? Are you holding a grudge from your past life?? Why do you like to annoy me so much??” She sighed in defeat.

“Woah,” Yeonjun said taken aback by the sudden seriousness of the question.

“Well, for starters I could ask you the same thing…” He answered calmly.

As she started to protest he shushed her.

“Buut, I am not going to lie, I do find you very cute when you’re frustrated” He chuckled.

“Are you hitting on me?” She asked, mouth agape.

“Do you want me to be hitting on you?” There it was again. The stupidest grin on the face of the earth. If there was a way to wipe it off instantly, Y/N would’ve gladly taken that chance. Thinking about it, there was a way, and to be honest she had reluctantly considered that way many times before, but always ended up avoiding it.

A kiss was not the solution, everything it could’ve done was only create more problems.

She was snapped back to reality by Yeonjun waving his hands in front of her eyes. She had been staring at the grin for god knows how long. A faint red was starting to tint her cheeks.

“You want to kiss me so badly,” Yeonjun told her, the grin never leaving his face.

She tried to play it as cool as possible, hoping the poor lighting of the room helped her conceive the blushing situation.

“Projecting much?” She smiled turning on her heels, determined to get out of the house for some fresh air.

As she walked away Yeonjun screamed over the music.

“I never said I wouldn’t like it” Y/N briefly stopped in her tracks, surprised by the sudden confession. Thinking it was just another way of getting under her skin she slowly reached the door and opened it, stepping out onto the backyard.

“You just love messing with her, don’t you?” Chaewon said as she approached Yeonjun, Wooyoung by her side, holding her waist.

“I have a tendency not to lie, actually. Everything I said is true. She’s just… compelling” he tried to find the best word to describe her.

“Compelling? You mean messing with her like that is compelling?” Chaewon said, a bit offended that Yeonjun enjoyed toying with her friend’s emotions like that.

“Tell me Chaewon, when have I ever done anything truly bad to her? All I do is tease, in her opinion, when in reality I was always simply…” Yeonjun said, meanwhile Chaewon tried to start a list of all the times he’s gotten you frustrated and quickly realized most times it was just his very annoying, twisted way of ...

“Flirting,” Chaewon said, shocked. She looked at him straight in the eyes, her expression painted with shock.

“Oh my God, you just flirt with her” Chaewon continued. She suddenly realized that every time Yeonjun ever talked to Y/N he was flirting, and that enraged her friend for some reason. He never actually DID anything bad to her. He never insulted her, let alone take action to actively ruin her day. The only times he did something of the sort she was always with a guy, like 10 minutes ago with Haechan. Yeonjun was always just… flirting with Y/N.

“I am very confused.” Wooyoung said looking at his two friends.

“You never admitted it to us and it takes you like three seconds to tell it to her best friend? I kinda hate you and I am not sure I would like to be friends with you anymore.” Wooyoung continued while watching Yeonjun's every move and acting offended.

“It’s not like you guys ever really asked, I thought it was obvious if I have to be honest. She’s pretty, she’s smart, she can be a pain in the ass but she’s one of the nicest and kindest people I ever met. Not with me, which I can not really comprehend, but if teasing her incessantly is the only way I can get her to interact with me I don’t think I will ever stop.” Yeonjun said earnestly to his friend. A small smile appeared on his features, almost sheepishly.

A voice behind him startled him right after.

“What did he just say??” it was Changbin, who basically screamed in his ear after he heard just half of the confession.

“I think he likes the Menace!!” Soobin screamed at Changbin (and in Yeonjun’s other ear) in hopes of being understood over the loud music.

Meanwhile, Y/N was outside, freezing because she forgot to bring a jacket.

Why did he have to always be so annoying, why did he always have something to say that would just make her heart beat at a worrying speed? Why did she have to like him so fucking much?

As her mind birthed the last few words she stopped pacing back and forth on the grass.

Of course, she liked him. It seemed as if every stupid decision she could make she would take and this was not even a conscious one.

It would explain why her fight or flight response would kick in every time he would even just look in her direction, and her choice was fight.

Thinking about kissing him all those times was not just a stupid silly thought.

Y/N was hopeless.

"So?" The question was raised suddenly by a voice she recognised immediately.

He was standing right there, in front of her, handing her her jacket.

She happily took it, silently thanking him with a smile before muttering.

"So what?" her eyes looking at him defeated. She liked him and he was just playing. He was just teasing, and look where all that teasing led her. A terrible position she never wanted to be in.

"Am I getting that kiss you so badly want to give me?" Here he goes again. Non-stop teasing.

This time Y/N did not find it in her to fight, not him nor the feelings she finally realized she had.

"You should be more careful with your words Yeonjun, one might think you actually want it, crave it even" she said calmly before chuckling lightly. She was now sitting down on the bench and her gaze was everywhere but the boy's figure.

"As I said when you were storming off, I do think I'd enjoy it" he slowly sat down beside her, surprised by her tone. This felt more like an actual conversation now. It didn't seem like she had any intention of fleeing this time around. Just them two, talking like normal people. It was new and he liked it. He liked it more than words could explain.

"Stop teasing me please, I honestly don't think I can take it anymore. I won't be bothering you again if you promise me you will leave me alone without uttering any other word that you don't mean" If someone were to pass by and listen very closely, the sound of Yeonjun's heart could be heard as it was cracking and falling apart like glass under extreme heat.

She didn't want to see him anymore, but what was worse is that she didn't think his words were honest. She thought he didn't mean it, ever.

He meant it from the first smile he flashed her, from the first hello he said. The first time he saw her he was struck by lightning and did not feel like himself anymore. All he could do was think about her, all he wanted to do was to speak with her. He did not care if it meant he had to endure rolling eyes and frustrated groans, at the very least he was interacting with you.

"So?" this time she asked the question. Her eyes showed how hurt she was and he could barely look at them.

As he turned to face her, Y/N noticed tears welling up in his eyes. She didn't understand.

"You really think I don't mean it? Y/N you consume my thoughts in the best and worst way ever. I think about you all the time. All I ever want to do is speak with you and I don't care if it means you'll hate me, I won't stop doing it because I am selfish like that. I don't want to feel miserable, and the only way I have to do that is if I speak to you. You can tell me you despise me a thousand times but I won't care as long as you're in front of me, addressing me, acknowledging my presence." As Yeonjun spoke Y/N could not believe his words.

If it was just minutes ago she would've joked about how "you're so obsessed with me, jeez" but at that moment the expression on Yeonjun's face was making her want to cry. It seemed like he meant it.

He did mean it.

"You like me?" she asked, furrowing her brows in confusion.

"I think like is a bit of an understatement at this point..." he chuckled looking into the distance, the palms of his hands rubbing against each other awkwardly.

Y/N moved closer to him. He did not register how close she got until she turned his head towards her with her hand.

They stared at each other, they are not sure for how long. It could have been mere seconds or hours on end. Then she moved closer and finally kissed him.

She tilted her head as he deepened the kiss.

Everything felt good. They were finally happy.

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year

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I think what really puts into perspective the likelihood of ST5 premiering in 2025 (I’m gonna predict March 21st for fun), is that a year from now is just barely Summer 2024, and yet as of now, they have not even started filming.

Are fans really expecting them to have season 5 filmed, fully prepped with marketing and promo ready, with everything ready to be released within one year from now (roughly speaking, give or take a couple months)?

In all honesty it's very much the norm for Stranger Things' to have promo leading up to an upcoming season last for months. And I'm not talking like 3-5 months I'm talking a year+.

This isn't like s1 where they put out a trailer and a release date and some low budget marketing roll out on social media, which is something they do for every new Netflix show. This is a $35 million + budget per episode series and thats just to budget for the literal episodes... There are dozens of partnerships they have going on with merchandise and things like that which are discussed and planned for months/years. There are music rights negotiations which go on for months upon years. Shit, post-production has the capacity to take, at the very least half of the time it takes to film, and in some cases as much time or even more. This shit takes time!!!

The build up to a new season is so huge, that each month leading up to it, there are different things dropping, creating the hype that guarantees millions of fans engagement for a long time.

Like 1 year up to the 6 months before the release, promo starts heating up officially. The main accounts for the show will start posting stuff, initially it'll be cryptic using old footage to kind of recap the characters and get us refreshed on where we left off. This time could have some really awesome surprises, but it's mostly casual. If we're lucky we can count on Atlanta filming paparazzi bc those people are insufferable...

6 months up to the one month mark is when it starts to get more real. At this time we're likely to get an episode list announcement, along with sneak peeks and teasers that are quite short, being that they're still likely in the editing process when they are releasing these so it's very much in part them trying to tide us over and keep us interested.

The final 3 months leading up to it is when it gets REAL real. This is at the latest when we'll get a release date announcement, but that's a worst case scenario. I feel like it took so long for them to announce s4, and not until like Feb 2022 bc they wanted to be certain certain. And that could apply to s5 as well. The state of the world isn't like awesome I would say... Look what happened last time? Like it sucks to be the person to say that but I think also considering delays in general, for any reason are a possibility, is also what contributes to my open mindedness about an early 2025 release.

And so based on what we should be expecting for marketing, that means that assuming s5 would somehow premiere in summer 2024, means we are already close to the one year mark, which means promo should be ramping up right now, with literal content to share? And yet we have nothing filmed...?

A lot of people have this idea that s5 is going to take as much time to film as s1 took, which is just not the case. Not saying it will take as long as s4 took, however it's still going to take a while. One of the main factors for this is an in demand cast with conflicting schedules. In a perfect world, everyone would be available all the time throughout the entire production run. Instead what you have is certain actors not available at this time, and so you have to overlap those that need scenes together and schedule according to all of that. And so even if it wouldn't take more than 7 months to film literally, adding another 4+ months might be necessary to accommodate everyones schedules so that they can have these A/B list actors be able to film scenes together.

And then there’s editing and VFX to account for, happening during filming yes, but also with them needing months to focus on AFTER filming is complete. S5 is arguably going to have more VFX than any other season, as most of the season is expected to be surrounded by UD conditions and with the final battle being pretty epic with a 3 headed dragon potentially. Editing is more likely to be 7+ months post filming AT LEAST, vs. like the 4 or less, which is what I think everyone is imagining and telling themselves.

This is also the last season and so they obviously want to focus on the quality, not their ability to churn it out as fast as possible. Rushing for a quick release is just setting themselves up to flop.

The story is over forever after this (excluding spin-off prospects). It would make sense for them to give themselves the wiggle room to make it perfect (the stakes are so fucking high you guys), as opposed to rushing the entire time just to have it release as early as possible.

This also reminds me of what Noah said when asked about s5 premiering in 2024, where he basically just deflected and said that they want to focus on quality… essentially hinting at the fact that it’ll probably not be soon as we’re expecting, but we’re better off for it bc it gives them time to ensure it's the best that it can be and also is just realistic in terms of considering potential unplanned delays.

And then there are the strike implications. While I think the ST production is lucky in that they wouldn't be impacted as much as other productions, that doesn't mean the solidarity won't impact other parts of the production beyond just the writers. This is an industry where people are extremely overworked and underpaid, where a strike could be on the horizon at any moment. And we’re out here telling them hey i know the conditions are horse shit, but I'm gonna need you to step it up and experience even worse conditions bc I need s5 asap... which is just, it’s asking too much if I’m being honest.

Not trying to rain on anyone’s parade here. I know it sucks hearing that it could be another 1 year and 10 months. But lets be serious right now.

All the action that happens in the fandom, building up to the release is arguably just as exciting as the actual premiere and I think we overlook that. Again, once it premieres, it's over. So being so hellbent that it comes as soon as possible, is built on this idea that getting it is the only worthwhile part of this experience, which couldn't be further from the truth. Hiatus and all of the activity that happens during that time is what makes this experience so unique and without it, none of us would be here.

I think realistically, the timeline for s5 production is likely to look something like filming taking place from May 2023-Feb 2024 (giving them AT LEAST 10 months, but if you ask me srs i think it'll take 12...). We should get an announcement post from the official Netflix/ST social media accounts the very day filming starts.

As time passes and they're filming more and more, we will start to get teasers and sneak peaks from the little bit they have filmed from the earlier episodes in the season. Technically they can't spoil that later stuff too much in promotion, so it does work out for us in that sense.

But in all honesty, well planned out and detailed promo is likely to not start getting official until this fall when they’ll actually have at least (hopefully) over half of s5 filmed, and be planning ahead plenty in advance so all of the promo leading up to the release is well thought out.

I won’t rule out Fall 2024. But there are no Friday dates in fall 2024 that ring any bells to me as being the perfect day? Maybe Winter 2024? Or like January/Feb 2025?

The problem is Netflix loves ST for their summers... But summer 2024 is too soon and Summer 2025 is too late imo...

So what it will likely come down to is them trying to be realisitic about their options, and how to ideally get it to match with the setting of the show, which is something they have tried to do with s2-3, but couldn't in s4 (for obvious reasons), and so I definitely see them thinking ahead to try to bring back that approach for s5 if they are able to.

So filming, best case scenario, ends maybe Jan-Feb 2024. If we give them at least 7 months, which is still arguably rushing to me, that lands them in September 2024.

BUT if they were smart they would be realistic and just plan for late 2024/early 2025 so that they don't have to keep delaying... also why they haven't announced a date/year... if it was for certain going to be 2024, they would say it. But they aren't. That alone should tell us they are not willing to make that commitment bc it's not something that can be made when there are so many impromptu factors at play.

I imagine a scenario though honestly, where it takes them a year (12 months to film), so they won't be done until May 2024, which means that they would have until January 2025 to edit with 7 months for that strictly. And that just honestly feels realistic to me to look at instead of hoping that everything just is swift and fast as possible.

Not to mention ST5 2025 just fits.

However, I don't see anything wrong with hoping for late 2024, since as of now I think it is still possible.

But I also think, keeping all of the factors in mind, most notably a potential strike and also them ensuring quality over a speedy release, I think 2025 is something people should also be prepared for as a possibility.

The good news is that we'll know eventually as s5 starts filming and as time goes on.

If filming is complete in 2023 then we could definitely hope for a fall 2024 release. If filming isn't complete officially until early/mid 2024, then pack up your duffel bags bc we're going back to spring break...

#byler #stranger things #stranger things 5 #st promo #st5 preditioncs #i had this in my drafts but bc that rumor from that source #i felt the need to post this #i always get passive aggressive asks when i try to explain why it would be valid for a 2025 release #and i get that people just want it #like i do too #but lets remember we want this shit to be epic crazy good #and we want them to be able to sleep and eat and live not on god awful conditions to succeed in that #marketing is going to go crazy for the final season also #it's going to be like every other season combined #and there there's the potential implications of a 2 vol release....#hell we could get vol 1 in 2024 and vol 2 and 2025 #idk how they'd do it #but 2 vol seems like a major possiblity #and i personally enjoyed getting to theorize in between #i'm sure netflix enjoyed having hype for a show last over 5 months instead of 1-2 at most #it would make sense for them to what to apply that model for the last season of their most memorable series in history...#so that's another thing to consider in terms of release possibilities #AND THEN LETS NOT FORGET ABOUT THE MOVIE DNA BOARD LIKE COME ON WE WILL BE SWAMPED WHEN THAT DROPS #AND THAT COULD LITERALLY DROP WITH IN THE NEXT MONTH TO 5 MONTHS OR SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN?#or not at all...#we are not ready regardless of thinking we are #which is the best part honestly #we are not ready!!!

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the-cockroach-that-survived · 1 month

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I’m just gonna vent about the ridiculousness of being a MCYT stan rn, especially a DTeam (previously DTQK) main…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ok but on a real note cause I do actually have stuff to say lol.

Aside from creator drama/controversy/etc. (content creators be normal challenge GO !! /silly /lh), which also stinks (RIP SBI, lovejoy, bench trio, DTQK, etc.) I’m just really tired of how this affects my personal relationships

ATP, I feel comfortable and confident in my own interests and opinions enough that I don’t really listen to the internet anymore, nor do I have any sorts of moral panics over watching these guys, and I don’t really think I should have to defend myself for liking them, but the unfortunate reality is that I do have to defend it, constantly.

It just really sucks

The DSMP in particular, both the lore and the creators, have been a special interest of mine for going on 4 years now, and the many many ways that it has impacted my life makes it so it’s really hard to be friends with anyone who has an even slightly negative opinion of it (even the totally fair ones)

I feel bad, because I very much have the standpoint that ruining friendships over fandoms is stupid and such arbitrary things shouldn’t be able to hold so much power, however unfortunately, being AuDHD, and being friends with mostly other AuDHD people, our interests are very important to us, and so is justice, so it’s not that easy.

I KNOW what I KNOW about these creators and I am confident and comfortable in that, but most of my friends don’t know all that, and when they know ANYTHING about these people, it’s almost always negative information.

I so badly want to correct them and debunk all the negative and false boohockey that gets spread around and give them reasons why these creators are good and why I like them because it would make me and our friendship more comfortable, but usually they’re so uncomfortable or at least suspicious and skeptical of these creators based on their preconceived notions that me TRYING to correct or explain things always gets shut down with “I don’t want to talk about this anymore” after just a couple points.

I’m happy and glad that most of my friends are mature and responsible enough that regardless of their opinions, they can respect my interest and not talk negatively about it to me and such, but it also sucks knowing that I can’t share so many huge parts of my life with them because of it, or at the very least I feel like I have to be vague or half lie in order to.

It’s not fun feeling like I’m walking on eggshells

All this over watching people play video games no less

It’s just frustrating and I never know if I should keep trying to explain things more so they can understand things and hopefully change their viewpoint, or if I should just let it go and accept I can’t talk about a lot of things with a lot of my friends.

I don’t like having friends that I can’t be that open with, friends who don’t get me.

Like, I can’t do completely casual relationships of any kind, it’s just not comfortable or fulfilling to me.

And as stupid as I think it sounds a lot of the time, I can’t change the fact that MCYT, especially the DSMP, is extremely important to me and has greatly impacted many parts of my life, so being friends with people who dislike it to pretty much any extent is hard and uncomfortable and it sucks.

I don’t want to make other people uncomfortable and I don’t want to lose important relationships over this kind of thing, but this stuff is ALSO extremely important to me, and I know in the long run it’s best to surround myself with people who understand that.

Idk, I’m just tired of having to defend and explain myself, I guess.

It’s literally just people playing video games

#plus the idea that pretty much any content creator/celebrity/person in general is completely unproblematic is just impossible #people need to accept nuance more often it’s really frustrating #rambling #dsmp #dsmpblr #dreamblr #404blr #pandablr #dtblr #dteam #dream team #dtqk #mcyt #mcytblr #kinda controversy talk ig #audhd #neurodivergent #fandom problems

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tar-maitime · 4 months

Text

roots of my tree

Rating: T Characters: Fingon | Findekano, Maedhros | Maitimo Relationships: Maedhros/Fingon, fem!Maedhros/Fingon Additional: Formenos era, Romance, Elopement WC: 3k

Maitimë ducks into the treeline, finally out of the sight of anyone at Formenos, and breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Findekáno there waiting for her.

His face splits into a smile like sunshine when he sees her. “Russë, you made it! I was starting to worry.”

She darts forward to hug him tightly. “Of course I made it; it’s been far too long since I’ve seen you. I was starting to go made up here without you.”

He hugs her back, pressing his face into her shoulder, and then pulls back just enough to kiss her. She’s missed that, too.

“Tell me about Tirion,” she says eventually, when they’ve pulled away long enough to curl up together at the base of a tree. His head leans on her shoulder, and she rests her cheek on his hair. “What’s been going on, since the last you told me?”

“Not a lot, lately,” Findekáno admits. “Politically, things have mostly gone back to normal, now that it’s been a while since the...incident and everyone’s adjusted to having a new king. Everyone else, at least; I’m still not used to it.”

Maitimë hums in response. One heated argument in the immediate aftermath notwithstanding, she and Findekáno have made their peace on this front. It helps that, though she would never say so, she suspects that Nolofinwë might, just possibly, be the better king, and that her father wants the day-to-day governance duties of the crown less than he wants what it represents, not the least of which is his own father’s highest love that everyone else already knows he has.

“People are still worried about Melkor,” Findekáno continues, “but they’re trying to worry very quietly. Nobody wants to believe something could actually go truly wrong.”

Maitimë is silent for a moment, and then, “Atar has been talking more lately about leaving here and crossing back to Endórë.”

That gets Findekáno’s attention, making him sit up sharply. “He wouldn’t really, though,” he says, not with much conviction.

“I think he would,” Maitimë says, letting her unhappiness with this state of affairs show like she can’t in Formenos.

“Now, though?” Findekáno presses. “When no one knows where Melkor is? It would be more dangerous than ever.”

Maitimë signs. “Atar...does not trust the Valar to keep us safe here,” she says quietly. Then, “I wouldn’t truly mind the danger, and I think the rest might even be an interesting challenge. But...”

“What?”

“If Atar takes us across the Sea, you and I could be separated, if you weren’t able to find a way to come along somehow,” Maitimë says, not looking at him. “If we left suddenly enough, there might not even be the chance to say goodbye.”

Findekáno sucks in a breath as he considers this. “But you’ve got some kind of plan for if that happens, right? Or you will soon?” he asks.

“I...not yet.” Maitimë grimaces. “I’ve been thinking about it, but everything I think of has too many things that could go wrong.”

Findekáno hesitates. “Russë...don’t take this the wrong way...but could you just not go with them if it came to it?”

Maitimë bites her lip hard. “Maybe. It would be possible. But then I would never see any of them again, Finno.” As much as she may have wished to have space from her brothers in the past, the thought of being sundered from them forever, especially Káno, cuts at her. She would do it if it were the only way to not lose Findekáno, but it would be hard and terrible.

Because he knows her, he knows this, and doesn’t press. They’ve already talked about the other side of the coin, him leaving his family. He maintains that his father would take the family across the Sea with the right motivation, such as the need to follow his eldest son. Maitimë, on the other hand, knows there is nothing at all that would keep her father in Aman if he were to decide to leave.

“There is one other thing we could do,” Findekáno says suddenly, with the tone and expression Maitimë recognizes to mean that he’s just had some mad and daring idea. “We could get married.”

Maitimë nearly chokes on air, even as a swell of deep wanting sweeps through her.She has dreamed of such a thing for years, and to hear it mentioned so casually and as such an immediate thing...! But she still feels compelled to point out, “We might not have time. With the betrothal and the rings and organizing everything - and that’s assuming they’d let us --”

“Russë,” Findekáno says, cutting her off gently with a hand cupping her jaw. “We don’t need any of that to get married. Under any other circumstances, I would love to, because you deserve it all, but like you said, we probably don’t have time. And if we elope...our fëar will be linked, Russë. You can let me know if you’re about to leave suddenly and I’ll come.”

That makes Maitimë pause. It’s a good point. Ordinary ósanwë only has so much range, even for the most powerful, and they already know it won’t stretch from Tirion to Formenos. But a marriage bond...that would do it. Even so, “I don’t want to marry you just for a practical reason,” she says slowly. “That’s not fair to either of us.”

“It’s not,” Findekáno agrees. “But neither is any of this. Believe me, Russë, I want to do every tradition, every ceremony, to show all of Eldalië what you mean to me. But more than that, I want ot not wake up one morning and find you’ve gone across the Sea without me.”

“I don’t want that either,” Maitimë assures. A moment later, “Would we keep it secret? Would we even be able to, with the bond showing in our eyes?” Even as she speaks, she realizes she’s talking as if they’ve settled on the actual idea of eloping, and now only need to work out the details.

This is exactly how she and Findekáno used to get into trouble as children in Tirion: he would have a mad idea, she would inevitably start planning out how they would actually do it, and they would take turns sweet-talking themselves out of the ire of the adults.

“I can get away with not making prolonged eye contact for a little while, at least, before anyone notices,” Findekáno says thoughtfully. “And I’ll try to make excuses to get out of the city altogether when I can - I already have been, to see you. It can’t be that long before your father makes his move, if he’s going to.”

Maitimë nods. “I think I can make it work. The ones most likely to find out are my brothers, and I can probably make them keep quiet if I have to.” Except for Curufinwë, but he doesn’t meet her eyes much anyway. “And if it does come out...”

“Then we can start making the case for you to bring me along to Endórë,” Findekáno finishes. “It works out either way.”

Maitimë takes a deep breath. “I suppose that just leaves where and when.”

Findekáno looks up thoughtfully. “How easy to you suppose it would be to sneak into your bedroom window between the Mingling and Telperion waxing?”

Maitimë considers the house, and considers the feats she’s seen Findekáno pull off. “It would be tricky,” she says eventually, “but I think you could do it. The stonework and vines on that part of the house are climbable enough. I got back in that way once, when I’d stayed away too late with you, and you’re a better climber than I am.”

Findekáno nods. “Then maybe tonight?” he says. “Before I have to go back to Tirion. I can sneak in and...”

“And,” Maitimë agrees. Her mind is already running through weddings she’s attended, sorting out which parts are necessary, which parts are extra but can be done in some fashion quietly in her room, just the two of them, and which parts they’ll have to dispense with. She shifts to kiss Findekáno lightly. “In that case, I’d better head back now. The less suspicion I draw now, the more we’ll be able to get away with later.”

Findekáno kisses her back and then lets her go, his smile blinding. “I’ll see you then, Russë,” he promises, and then she has to tear herself away and hurry back to Formenos.

She needs to get ready.

- - -

Findekáno hauls himself up the last few feet, grabs the windowsill, and scrambles up and into Russandol’s room. His breath catches.

The room itself isn’t that different from what he saw of Russandol’s room in Tirion: neat, organized, decorated with red and gold hangings and carefully drawn maps. But Russandol is standing in the middle of it, waiting for him in the glow of a few lightstones, her hair unbraided and falling to her waist, seeming to glow faintly herself in white robes. Findekáno, who has spent the day traveling and then lurking in the woods, feels rather underprepared by contrast, not to mention a mess.

“Russë,” he breathes. Then, brushing ineffectually at his clothes. “I’m not...can I...there’s probably no way for me to sneak around and bathe without getting caught--”

“I don’t mind,” she says, then at a look from him, “I can fetch a few things. If you want.”

Five minutes with a basin of water and some soap and a rag behind Russandol’s changing screen isn’t ideal and doesn’t feel like nearly enough, but it helps somewhat, and gives him a chance to collect himself. He’s going to marry Russandol. Tonight. Right now. It’s rushed and furtive and not what they ought to have, but maybe when things are calmer they can do a full ceremony for everyone else. For now, they’ll work with what they have.

He brushes off his robes one more time, runs a hand over his braids, and emerges from behind the screen. “So how are we doing this?” he asks. “I know you have a plan.”

Turukáno likes to tell him smugly sometimes that someday he’ll do something reckless and foolish and Russandol won’t be there with her strategies and plans to back him up. But that day isn’t today, from the way she squares her shoulders.

“The only things we need for an official marriage are for us to both make a vow in the name of the One, and...join our bodies.” She glances away from him at the last part, color rising along her cheekbones. “Obviously our parents aren’t involved, so we might want to do the invoking of Manwë and Varda ourselves, just in case. And about rings...”

“I’m going to give you a ring,” Findekáno declares. In between rounds of pacing in the woods, he’d worked out exactly which of the rings he was wearing would do, and blessed whoever had first made it fashionable among the Noldor to wear so very much jewelry at all times. He pulls at the gold ring engraved with a pattern of maple leaves on his little finger. “You don’t have to if you’d rather not...”

Russandol fumbles with something on her desk. “No, I mean, I picked one to give to you.” She holds out her hand, revealing a gold ring etched with stars - surprisingly, not all eight-pointed. “It’s yours if you want it.”

“How could I not,” Findekáno says fervently, and takes the ring from her so he can press his own into her palm. “I can get you a better one than that later if you want, one that’s made for you...”

“This is perfect,” Russandol insists. She slides the ring onto the fourth finger of her right hand, where it fits exactly. Findekáno hastens to do the same with his new one. Then he takes a deep breath and steps forward to take Russandol’s hands in his.

“You’d better start,” he says, his mouth dry. “You’re older; that’s how it works, right?”

Russandol nods and clears her throat. “I, Nelyafinwë Maitimë Fëanáriel, called Russandol,” she says quietly, “do hereby pledge myself body and soul to Findekáno Astaldo Nolofinwion. This swear I: love I will give him all our days, faith unto world’s end. My word hear thou, Eru Ilúvatar! On the holy mountain hear in witness and my vow remember, Manwë and Varda!”

Findekáno’s pulse is pounding in his ears. He takes a second to make sure he can breathe, and then begins. “I, Findekáno Astaldo Nolofinwion, do hereby pledge myself body and soul to Nelyafinwë Maitimë Fëanáriel, my Russandol. This swear I: love I will give her all our days, faith unto world’s end. My word hear thou, Eru Ilúvatar! On the holy mountain hear in witness and my vow remember, Manwë and Varda!”

He swears he can feel Russandol’s spirit blaze out from her, and she looks at him as though he’s shining like the Trees.

She moves, or he does, and then they’re kissing, slowly at first and then with greater fervor and fierceness. He’s felt Russë’s spirit close to the surface before in moments like this, but now he swears he can feel her like a fire in the back of his mind, nearer than ever.

He wants more, wants to not know where either of them begins or ends. In the morning, he has to go back to Tirion, without her, and be separated for who knows how long. But it’s not morning yet, and they can make the most of the time they have now.

Maybe it’s a growing sense of Russandol’s thoughts, or maybe it’s just her hands starting to run up under his shirt, but he knows she is thinking the same way.

- - -

Maitimë wakes up warm, with the feeling of starlight in the back of her mind.

She shifts, and discovers that the warmth is from a body curled against hers. Her eyes fly open, revealing Findekáno beside and partially under her - she’d ended up laying her head on his chest. His heartbeat thuds steadily in her ear, pulsing slowly in time with the starlight in her mind.

Memory comes flooding in, along with her body reminding her of some particular details. She comes awake more fully, wonder and joy expanding in her chest. Findekáno is married to her. They’re married. No one can ever take them away from each other now.

He shifts, and then blinks awake, and she can both see and feel the moment of confusion as to where he is before he remembers fully and the starlight in her mind flares jubilantly.

Russë my Russë my wife, she hears him think, and it’s too much; she has to kiss the smile off his lips.

He kisses back warmly, and when they break apart his fingers keep running through her hair.

“Good morning,” he says with a grin.

The best morning, Maitimë thinks, and knows when he’s picked up on the thought by the way he lights up.

Best of all mornings so far, he thinks back. Then, aloud, “How much time do we have? I want to braid your hair.”

Maitimë nestles against him, turning her head to give him slightly better, if crooked, access. “Mm. Braid away.”

“I want to braid it,” Findekáno continues, “and then make a mess of it, even more than last night, until it all comes loose again, until my braids start to come undone and you have to help me redo them, and then I’ll do your hair again, something beautiful, something you couldn’t have possibly done yourself, to make everyone wonder.”

Maitimë shifts to peer up at him. “That sounds like it could take all morning. Longer.”

“That was the idea--”

A rapid knocking at the door cuts him off. “Nelyë? Are you up?” Makalaurë calls out. “Breakfast is going to be soon. Is everything all right?”

Maitimë freezes, simultaneously startled and intensely grateful that at least Makalaurë has the decency to not just barge into her room. “I just overslept, Káno,” she calls back. “I’ll be down in a moment. No need to worry.”

She hears his footsteps retreat, and huffs out a sign, letting her head fall back against the pillow. “I suppose that means our time is up,” she mutters.

Findekáno hums reluctant agreement. “I would hide up here to wait for you, but...”

“But you need to get back to Tirion,” Maitimë says. Beside her, Findekáno sits up, stroking a hand back and forth over her shoulder. She feels the metallic smoothness of the ring against her skin.

“I’ll sneak back as soon as I can,” he promises. “And we have the bond now; we can’t truly be separated. It’ll be all right, Russë.”

She nods glumly, and watches as he gets up and starts hunting for his clothes. A few moments later, she makes herself get up and start getting ready for the day as well.

Someday, she thinks, they’ll be able to do this at the beginning of a day they get to actually spend together, out in the open.

Findekáno’s braids are still intact, but once Maitimë has brushed out her hair he quickly plaits half of it into a crown. When it’s done, she turns into his arms and they hold each other silently for a moment.

Then, reluctantly, they pull away, with one more quick kiss between them, and he backs towards the windowsill. It’s already a while past the Mingling; she only hopes he can make it out without being spotted.

“Goodbye, Finno,” she murmurs.

“Not goodbye really,” he counters, tapping his temple. “Just - I’ll see you before long, Russë.”

“See you,” Maitimë echoes, and then he’s over the edge of the windowsill and gone.

She waits for a moment or two, missing him already. Then she straightens her back and turns to head downstairs, starlight glowing comfortingly in the back of her mind.

#silmarillion #maedhros #fingon #female maedhros #russingon #roots of my tree #my stories #something soft this time

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qqueenofhades · 2 months

Note

My partner and I have a good friend from uni who has become really involved in the Gaza war online. It’s quite impressive, the amount of research and time they’ve put into it. We haven’t talked about it a lot, mostly because we haven’t been talking as much lately with how busy things have been personally, but today they sent my partner and I, out of the blue, a tiktok video explaining the “no commitment movement” (and I can’t help but bristle a little to hear it called a movement) and a link to a website explaining how to register to vote (as if we have never been politically active and conscientious of that in all the years we’ve known each other). I’m a little frustrated, and alarmed, because I hadn’t realized how much they’ve taken to the online left’s discourse, but perhaps I should’ve seen it coming. That said, I know they mean well, and I know I can’t just change their mind. But I’m going to go back and review some of the asks that’ve come through your inbox recently just so that I’m ready in case things escalate in the group chat. Just wanted to share this with you to say thank you for keeping things sane over here in this small corner of the internet. I’ve pulled back from almost all social media in recent weeks because I’ve become more and more aware of how easily folks online can get a reaction out of anyone, and I’m weary of being caught in those emotional traps. Your insight always reminds me to slow down and think things through for more than just a few seconds before having a reaction. I think we can all agree that your work is admired and appreciated, Hilary!

Thank you, that means a lot to me. As it can often feel like draining the proverbial ocean with a straw to even remotely attempt to combat the misinformation, fear-mongering, and bad-faith attacks flying around every corner of the political internet right now, I'm glad to hear that you appreciate the work (of all kinds) that goes into those posts and you find them useful in having direct conversations with people who have been sucked down the propaganda rabbit hole in one way or another. After all, that is what I hope to do when I take the time to answer asks and construct arguments even outside of my very demanding full-time academic job, and why I continue to do it even when it can be tiring and taxing. I appreciate this kind message and I hope you're able to use whatever materials of mine that you can. :)

#imagination-ward #ask

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badcaseofcasey · 7 months

Text

call me, maybe?

When Derek gets a call from an unknown number at 3AM, it sets of a chain of events that leads to Stiles Stilinski would become a major part of his life. He's only kind of mad about it.

Or, five times Stiles talked to Derek on the phone and the first time they meet in person

Read the full fic on AO3

omg it's my first Sterek fic in years, I'm so excited. big thank you to kali, who won my Fandom Trumps Hate auction and prompted me to write this fic. I can honestly say I had so much fun writing it. The entire fic is posted over on AO3 (linked above). I hope you all enjoy! ☎️☎️☎️

There were a lot of perks to being a werewolf - and Derek means that with no sense of irony, even if it was something that had brought a lot of inconvenience into his life. It was definitely a perk to be able to tell exactly when his annoying neighbor was out in the hallway so he could avoid running into her and getting sucked into a twenty minute conversation about the condo association’s latest schemes. It also certainly came in handy as a firefighter that he could use his senses to tell if there was someone still left in a burning building that he and the team were trying to put out.

But there was one thing about being a werewolf that was unavoidably annoying, and that was super-hearing. It pretty much only came with downsides. Derek had overheard more conversations he never wanted to be a part of than he could count. (It was genuinely shocking the kinds of comments people felt comfortable making about his appearance when they assumed they were out of earshot.) Right now, though, Derek would like nothing more than to ignore the phone vibrating on his bedside table and get a few more precious minutes of sleep. Unfortunately, the soft buzz of the phone against wood was enough to jolt him awake.

He sighed and turned to look at the lit-up screen to see who exactly he was going to be yelling at for waking him up at 3 AM (God, really? He’d only fallen asleep an hour ago), but was surprised to see it was an unknown number. He debated answering for a few more moments before deciding that there was a chance it could be one of his sisters or betas calling from someone else’s phone, so it was worth it to at least check.

“Hello?” he answered the phone, voice still gritty with sleep.

“Scott! Oh my god, it worked. Okay, sorry to wake you, but I stayed up late finishing my final paper for Munroe’s class, but then I couldn’t fall asleep, so instead of doing my usual midnight snack routine, which I’ve been avoiding since I accidentally set a tiny fire in the microwave and woke the whole building up with a fire alarm, I decided to wander the halls, you know, as you do at 3 AM, and lo and behold, there is an honest to god payphone. I didn’t even know these things still existed! So of course, I had to go back and grab some quarters and try it out.”

Derek’s eyes had fluttered closed as soon as he heard the rapid fire voice, hushed to not disturb the quiet hours of the early morning. It was clearly a wrong number, but he was way too tired to try and interrupt the steady stream of words flowing out of his mystery caller. He was seconds away from hanging up and rolling back over when there was a pause on the other line.

“Scott?” the voice asked. “You usually interrupt me by now, did you fall back asleep?”

“Not Scott,” Derek replied, eyes still mostly closed. “But I was almost back asleep after being rudely awoken at 3 AM.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” the voice on the other end of the line rushed to apologize. “I swear to god I dialed my best friend’s number - it’s my first time using a pay phone.”

“You don’t say,” Derek said, voice sounding surly even to him.

“Okay, I’ll hang up now - sorry again, so sorry.”

Derek dropped his phone back onto the table and rolled back into bed, his eyelids heavy. He had nearly fallen back asleep when the phone rang again. He growled lightly when he saw the same unknown number flash across his screen.

“Still me,” he answered in lieu of a greeting.

“Oh god,” the voice said, clearly embarrassed. “Sorry again - I know what I did wrong this time, though! Your number must be one off from Scott’s - I was debating between it ending in 8845 or 8846- annnnd you definitely don’t care about that part. The good news is now I know, so you shouldn’t be hearing from me anymore.”

“Hey, kid?” Derek interrupted.

“Yes?” came the nervous voice through the phone.

“Get some sleep,” Derek replied. “And maybe, since you know the payphone works now, you can spare your friend the 3 AM wake-up call?”

“Good call,” he said. “Sorry again.”

Derek was already asleep by the time his head hit the pillow.

When he woke up the next morning, he saw a text from an unknown number. Confused, he opened it and saw a message from the kid he spoke to last night.

Unknown [4:37 AM]: sorry again for waking you up in the middle of the night! have a coffee on me if you need the extra caffeine today.

Beneath the text was a link to a Starbucks gift card. Derek rolled his eyes; if he was secretly grateful for the extra caffeine as he headed to the fire station that morning, well, nobody needed to know but him.

#my fic #fth 2023 #sterek fic #5 + 1 fic #au #sterek #derek x stiles #stiles stilinski #derek hale #fandom trumps hate #teen wolf #teen wolf fic

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thompsborn · 6 months

Text

(“You don’t have to do this,” Peter told him after his first day back on patrol. Harley was leaning in close, much closer than Peter could mentally handle, as he examined a blooming bruise on his temple. “I’m fine.”

“I don’t trust your definition of fine,” Harley was quick to reply, though his words came out distracted as he brought up a hand and gently brushed the tips of his fingers along the edge of the bruise. “You’ve told me that you’re fine a lot since I’ve met you, and now I know that it hasn’t been true a single time. I’m just making sure that you really are okay. For my own sanity, mostly.”

Peter felt the back of his neck heat up with a blush that he could only hope Harley didn’t notice. Still, he rolled his eyes and said, “I think I have enough experience to be able to tell when I’m okay or not. I mean, I have been doing this since I was fourteen.”

A small tug, barely visible, more like a twitch of the lips, pulled at the ends of Harley’s mouth at that. He didn’t look upset, per se, but he definitely seemed disgruntled as he leaned back and dropped his hand to his lap. “Yeah,” he murmured. “I guess. Just…” Trailing off, he shook his head and then hesitantly met Peter’s gaze. “I just want to make sure,” he said, hushed and almost a little bit sheepish.

That response made Peter pause. He released the hem of his shirt from where he had been anxiously twisting it between his fingers, let it fall back into place. For a moment, silence hovered, and just when Peter was about to part his lips and ask what was wrong, Harley suddenly spoke up again.

“What was it like? When you first… When you became Spider-Man.”

There was a crease between Harley’s brows, but his eyes were genuine and curious as he peered at Peter.

“Um.” Peter faltered, thinking. “The first couple weeks kind of sucked, honestly. My senses were suddenly going haywire, you know? I could hear people talking from blocks away. The temperature felt a lot more intense, too, like… what would have just been kind of cold suddenly felt freezing, and what would have been kind of warm made me feel like I was about to pass out from the heat. And with my strength, I kept breaking things and not being able to explain it when May asked, and it just—it was… it was a lot.”

Harley nodded, looking entirely and hopelessly enraptured by Peter’s every word.

Peter continued with, “Thankfully, May thought I was sick and let me skip school for a few days. I had to convince her to go to work and leave me home alone, but once I was able to, I used those days to try and get used to the world again. It was really overwhelming. Still is, sometimes. Sensory overload.” He waved a hand vaguely through the air, musing, “You’ve already seen that, though. The day that Harry brought me back to your guys’ dorm to let me take a nap, that’s what was wrong. Just another overload.”

Something mildly alarmed crossed over Harley’s features. “I didn’t see anything but you passed out in Harry’s bed looking like a breathing corpse. That was from an overload?”

“I mean…” Peter wobbled a hand back and forth in a so-so manner. “I was exhausted, to be fair, because I was looking into the crime boss guys, and not getting enough sleep can sometimes lead to overloads, so it was, like… a combo hit, I guess. But Harry saw how I was in class. He told you, didn’t he?”

“A little bit, but not—not a lot of detail or anything.” Harley frowned, the crease between his brows growing deeper. He looked like he wanted to ask more, like he wanted to dig into every detail the way that he seems always keen to do, but instead he shook his head. “What about later? After you got used to your senses?”

Peter considered, thinking back on when he was fourteen and slowly but surely finding balance with his abilities. “It was… kind of fun,” he admitted. “At the start, no one knew who Spider-Man was, so I didn’t really have any enemies, you know? It was… it was exciting, realizing that I could do something to help people. I made my web fluid and web shooters, I stitched together a shitty suit, and I just went out there whenever I could and helped whoever I came across who needed help. The hardest part was keeping it from May and trying not to let my grades drop, honestly. And then Tony…”

Something pained settled over Harley’s features. “Tony,” he echoed with a nod. “Showed up, right? Out of the blue, no warning, was just—suddenly, he was there. Same for me.”

“He was eating May’s date loaf,” Peter said, almost absently, only to let out a laugh at the memory. “May couldn’t cook or bake for shit, though. He spit it out when we got to my room.”

The ends of Harley’s lips tugged again, only this time up, a barely-there sort of smile. Thoughtfully, Harley mused, “I wish he introduced us. I wish—I mean… I think it would have been cool. Knowing you back then.”

Peter tried to imagine it—him, not as weighed down by everything like he is now. Back when his nightmares consisted mainly of Toomes and collapsed warehouses and being tangled up in a parachute while sinking through the water of that lake. Tried to think of a younger Harley being mixed in—probably just through the phone since Harley lived in Tennessee, but the two of them becoming friends.

Harley getting to meet Ned and MJ through Peter, too.

That made Peter pause, trying to picture it. Ned and MJ and Harley. Maybe, somehow, meeting Harry and Gwen later in life still. All of them as a big conglomerated friend group. May still alive. Too good to be true. Or maybe everything would have still played out the way it did and he would have lost Harley to the spell, too. He tried to imagine a Harley who knew him before but doesn’t know him now and found that picturing himself, Peter Parker, at this point in time without Harley is… kind of impossible. It isn’t just him that has helped Peter get to this point, he knows—Harry and Gwen have been equally huge factors in Peter slowly but surely getting better—but Peter, as he is now, wouldn’t be here without Harley. That’s just a fact.

“I like knowing you now,” Peter decided to say, his heart feeling dense and heavy in his chest.)

aka chapter sixteen of homeward bound is coming along. not very quickly, but it’s happening.

#my writing #parkner #homeward bound fic #fun fact i’m at this exact moment rewatching nwh in my hotel room while working on chp 16 while waiting for my friends phone to fully charge #happy thursdayyyyy

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midnight-moth · 16 days

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OOO I’d love to hear the quintessence hcs abt phantom/bell

~ @atmosghoul

Okay @atmosghoul I took a long time to answer you sorry! I’m in need of distraction right now and I am channeling it into answering you.

Quintessence lore dump under the cut

This is a bit hard to answer without dumping all the lore that I want to write in Kilonova.

But lll try. I kind of built a hierarchy of ghoul types in my head. There are 3 other ones outside of the 5 everyone talks about that I won’t discuss here. But from that there are two kinds of quintessence ghouls that split from the other one of the three.

So ghouls like Aether and Omega are probably closer to how other people HC them? I believe that they’re able to manipulate matter. I think that’s why they can heal ghouls/people etc. I think they have a near boundless amount of power FOR REASONS. (Reasons maybe forthcoming) but they’re born with a whole lot of it to begin with.

And then there’s Phantom and Bell. I know people Hc bell usually as Earth or an Earth/something mix. And so do I. But he wasn’t born that way. These two are kind of the opposite. More chaotic? They can also have an infinite amount of energy/power/whatever you want to call it because they are like little sponges sucking it up.

I wrote something before about Phantom in more detail, but to sum it up all the ghouls shed energy (so does everything?) and they like I said - sponges. Some of them have a better grip on it than others… like Bell. Who mostly soaked up that good Earth ghoul rizz because he liked the way it makes him feel. (Hence half quintessence/half earth) this is why bell’s eyes are two diff colours. He has excellent control and he is certified earth/quint by choice and now his one eye is a pretty amber colour.

Like most ghouls some are stronger than others. Some of them are like little black holes trying to suck everything in. And some of them can’t control it that well. And when they end up on earth (one of my hcs is that all of them have the same body on earth it’s just weaker) in that weakened vessel, well they can’t handle what they could down below.

This is why I draw Phantom with all of those glowing scars. Because he literally split at the seams and why he is blind. He’s like a rechargeable battery that exploded? He doesn’t really know how to stop sucking it all in. Which I’ve written about in various things all over the place. This is also why being up top is actually a relief for him. Because there aren’t ghouls everywhere. Why doesn’t he know how to control himself? Reasons.

Also… again from Kilonova I do believe that to some extent ghouls can willingly (or unwillingly) share power. There are different circumstances. One of them is quint to quint. Either type. So imagine what a quintessence ghoul could do with another one that can basically store an infinite amount of all of the elemental power? Hmmm. Maybe something questionable

Okay I tried to be vague and not spoil things for my big fic but maybe I just made no sense instead but if so I apologize.

Also they’re called inanus (the void) and clarissma (kind of means the brightest light but not exactly) I’ll let you guess which is which. I am a nerd and enjoy studying Latin in my spare time even tho I suck at it and Kilonova has some in it and a lot of things/names are Latin.

#I feel like I gave away too much here #fuck #also I’m sorry if this is incoherent it’s so much to explain #and my head is kindaaaaaa right now #quintessence ghouls #phantom ghoul #cowbell ghoul #Aether ghoul #Omega ghoul

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neotaissong · 13 days

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Film screening went really well. B was sitting next to me laughing at every joke, which was nice cos her pen game goes craaaazy and I pray I can work to that level and standard, like she’s been in the game for 30, can choose her projects, is supported but most importantly is a solid soul. Here’s to solid souls in a dunya filled with sold souls and flip flopping, dishonourable weaklings lol. The q&a was wicked, I was nervous as fck, took the mic and all of a sudden another part of me emerged. The part that is always shining, beaming eloquence and confidently in command. Talked about the film with people in the foyer which was lovely and then went for a walk to clear my head and walk off my film crazy wide eyed energy. I was soooo high off this movie ish and yet before the screening, no, that’s a lie lol, all weekend I felt my imposter syndrome lingering on the edge of the frame. I questioned everything, people treating me so so well (I’ve never been asked so many times if I’m ok or need anything) and people looking after me with such care and consideration, preempting my ish. (It almost felt excessive in such oppressive times) Met C who is an amazing writer who wrote a killer movie (the kind of award winner I’d usually avoid tbh I only came across it for research but it turned out to be dope and not so traditional either) it was so good and revealed a reality so instantly recognisable to me that I called my mum to see it, cos the main character was sick the same as my pops was. I swear the film was literally about my pops, except, played by one of the best and most charismatic actors to ever do it. C was kind and encouraging, somewhat flustered by the print of his movie not being in great quality. B told me about her new forthcoming film, she worked with one of my favourite actresses at the moment. I’m hyped for them, even though I know she’s low cos the funders were lukewarm about the ting. Fck em, it’ll find its people. We all find our people and places, sometimes in the most strangest of times and spaces and not at all how we’d initially envisioned. It’s mad when community doesn’t quite look like how you imagined it but nourishes you all the same. Met some solid souls this weekend. Mostly the sea the sun and meeting myself again tbh. Lol randoms: I wonder what the sea’s soul looks like? Woke up and the stained glass window pane in my hotel room was glowing. You have to be twice as good for half as much as a non white in this place but what if you’re twice as tired and twice as much fed da fck up? Showers are wicked but baths are the ish, music on, drink by ya side. Sheeesh. Top tier tings. A good walk does wonders. When was the last time you saw the sea or jumped in the sea? There were some rocks/stones on that beach that looked and felt incredible. I miss watching movies with my childhood homie Alex we’d just sit and laugh at everything. I wanna go watch some movies in Peckham, the best audience ever. Partynextdoor came on when the train stopped by a farm and I couldn’t stop laughing. I observed so many animals horny af, kept cracking up and asking myself am I the only one seeing this ish and that boi stroking like a mofo lol. Some people are so freaking generous. But so many are on some crabs in the barrel ish it’s sad af. What you give you really do get back. Tenfold. And isn’t it a blessing to be able to give whatever you can if you can? Outside the city centre people are nicer. Was pissed cos I’m not a selfie person and I wanted to take a photo of my fit (not the one pictured lol) and I didn’t have time but pls believe me the levels were levelling my g. A trendy 30 something black woman in yellow walked past, came back and then dropped the: I like your style line and dipped. I was so gassed cos the fit did indeed go braazy lol and I wanted evidence. Frieren and Jujutsu Kaisen are sooooo freakin good and I don’t know anyone who watches em in real life which sucks cos I wanna talk about them sooo freakin bad. Let’s smile again soon. Let’s laugh again soon. DJ Screw Sade is a whole nother gravity, floaty and heavy

#undeniable #neotai's song #j #note to self vol 3

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exoid-the-locomotive-monarch · 8 days

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Thoughts on The Amazing Digital Circus Episode 2: spoilers.

Hey! That’s pretty good! I think this can be the establishment episode for character dynamics, but I’m actually surprised at how fast the show went to deconstructing the reality of the VR game and explore how the NPCs and environment tug against the players.

Gummigoo was especially a nice “traditional background character sucked into questioning their mundane life” situation and I appreciate where the writing team went with Pomni resonating with him. Sure, she can’t fully understand his situation or life, but there is a natural connection made with the feeling of being fake, and leaving reality for where you can’t come back to it. Pomni’s journey is more literal while Gummigoo’s is half literal and half personal. After all, they made it back to the Candy Canyon Kingdom.

If I were the writers I would’ve weote something cheesy for Pomni to say like “even if you’re fake, I don’t want to be fake by myself, so can I be fake with you” but no, she actually tries a way out and works, proving she has a quick ability to learn and adapt to the terrible collision physics of this simulation (foreshadowed in the first minutes where she trips on a glitched wooden letter cube) as well as strive to be independent of other character’s control and demands! Also, Pomni doesn’t have the right answer about everything, of course in the situation she’d only be able to muster out how she feels sympathy and sharing her experiences at the circus and inviting him to the place. She’s also an adult woman completely pulled out of her normal living space, she’s improvising theraputic conversation with Gummigoo.

So plot aside, what a out the other carnies?

This episode is really establishing who each character is and what their motivations are, especially placed in an active adventure with the resources given by Loo.

I will start with the characters I find the most interesting and finish with the ones I have the least to talk about out.

Jax: in a D&D alignment chart he is chaotic evil. Literally in an encounter with an irredeemable murdering monster he offers it a way to get back into the Candy Canyon Kingdom and continue his murder spree. Jax himself says after Gaggle asks what he hoped for in his adventure. He wanted “a final battle” with “bloodshed death and chaos” he not only likes to see loud, violent, and sudden events in the scripted adventures, he’ll do it at the expense of other people’s lives. Chaotic evil isn’t necessarily an evil mage with a red orb and a staff of black magic, it can be an asshole who wants to see something explode or someone to break a neck. His first instinct to take down the baddies is to shoot them without mercy, and he uses Pomni as a tightrope to cross to the bandit truck. Spending a lot of time in the circus fucks up your moral compass, but that’s… mostly Jax, he doesn’t follow along with the script, he knows it’s all a game and when the level’s over the consequences are reset.

Ragatha: She is absolutely the goody-two-shoes and almost antithesis to Jax. She carried her human morality to the digital Circus and plays along with the script. She doesn’t end up being as active since honestly it’s Jax’s chaos and Kinger’s impulsiveness that drives Pomni’s separation and the deal with Fudge. She clearly empathizes with Pomni and her struggle with being in the wrong reality. As an unintentional allusion in the scene where Pomni imagines herself falling to the void of abstraction only to get grabbed by the ither carnie’s hands, Ragatha is the last to grab Pomni’s hand, but her palm completely grasps Pomni’s palm, because she has the strongest grip. That and Kinger’s line of “how long you took to get used to this place” Ragatha sees Pomni as like herself in her first days here, and generally has the empathy and kindness of a mom, compared to Jax being a nihilistic anarchist free of restraint.

Gaggle: She is the soft bean pushed around. I know getting uwu-ified into a smol bean is an often flanderized archetype for characters who can get scared or are weak or look cute but when Gaggle loses her happy mask she can be pushed around like a ragdoll(?) She is even called out by Jax saying “aren’t you supposed to be submissive and agreeable” and is easily coerced by Jax threatening to tell her embarrassing secrets, since he’s a master pickpocketer and sneak. She also becomes super pessimistic and nervous wreck in this state. She answers “no” when asked if she’s okay, whenever Hax tells her to do something risky she has to say “I don’t think that’s a good idea” “I don’t think we should do this” “this violates some kind of convention.” but does it when blackmailed, and generally doesn’t react when Jax takes her goggles without input. She doesn’t react when Fudge tries to eat the carnies! Ragatha is the only one who doesn’t want to get eaten. Jax wanted anything to happen and Kinger? Hmmm, I’ll get to him. Gaggle generally wasn’t that interesting because she was very reactive and quiet, not much to learn from her when she’s pushed around by other Carnie’s.

Kinger: as always this guy’s head is an enigma! Generally also reacts to other character’s actions he is somehow both super clueless to the bigger picture or general situation unfolding (like when he threw an anchor to save Pomni… in a truck chase, didn’t even see if the anchor was tied to anything, and before that he throws a life saver… in a truck chase… ON LAND) but he can point out all the weird little minute details. What’s the first thing he says this episode? “And they got little candy bugs too!” He also points out how Pomni has missed out on a giant gloopy monster twice, and even agrees with Jax that Ragatha’s hair looks like licorice, not even because he hates her, he just points out what he knows. Kinger is a little cuckoo in the head as previously established, run around the bend longer than anyone else. His observance seems to be from his age, all the general tropes, environments, and characters have become repetitive and boring, blending into this mass of 3-D colorful plastic glamour of the games they play, only the small breaks from the ordinary pick up Kinger’s interest. He’s not the wise old man, he’s the more or less disassociated old man. In fact, his memory is incredibly episodic, remembering Ragatha’s adaptation to the circus one moment and forgetting it a moment later. Scrolling Wikipedia on Dissasociative disorders I think Gooseworx unintentionally made Kinger a patient with Dissasociative Amnesia. Abstracting could have parallels to Depersonalization-Derealization disorder, with the idea that you get a feeling and detachment from your surrounding, but less realistic in that there aren’t out of body experiences or hallucinations seeing objects bigger or smaller than they actually are, and difficulty feeling emotions or recognizing yourself in the mirror, more like… becoming a void monster with rainbow eyes.

Overall, episode 2 was a good episode, more or less it was another Pomni-centric episode, after all she was thrust into this environment and we should fallow along with her adaptation to this fucked up new reality, and as for the B-plot it’s mainly Jax being a chaotic sadistic freak while Ragatha tries to make the best of a bad situation. Wowie 8/10 good job fellas!

#the amazing digital circus #tadc #episode 2 #episode review #character analysis?#my major isn’t in writing

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