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sukirichi · 1 day

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[ DUSK ‘TILL DAWN : 009 ]

“we who bear the burden of the crown do not need to love. you only need to stay here, with me, in power, in greed, in lust – in victory.”

c/w. 18+. modern royal au. infidelity. angst. gaslighting. toxic characters. very suggestive. toxic relationships. unedited. kiyoomi is horny. and uh suna too

notes. we are in kiyoomi arccc whewww, also i think i mentioned the word balls like three times. anyways.

wc. 10.8k

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[ NINE ] i know a place, it’s somewhere I go when I need to remember your face. we get married in our heads, something to do while we try to recall how we met

You were still reeling from your shock by the time your Mother showed up beside you. She must have noticed the quite interesting crowd of the royals and their parents, and couldn’t wait to indulge in the drama. A nosy creature, your mother was, but her presence comforted you. You had heard about it before – the tradition of having your last dance on your debutante ball would be your destined lover. Your mother would know; your father was her last dance. But you couldn’t remember it clearly, not when your only memory of your debut ball was the sinking dread of coming out into society and having to be removed from the comfort of your bedroom.

“My last dance,” you mused, plastering an apologetic smile as you turned to the older Prince. “Forgive me, Your Highness. I hadn’t known it was you.”

“As I’ve mentioned, I am the Forgotten Prince.”

Kanami ignored her son’s remark and clapped her hands. “It was a beautiful last dance as well. In fact, I’m certain your Mother remembers it.”

“I do! Oh, Princess, Miss Sakusa is right. I still remember that first time you danced with one of the Princes! It was magical!”

“It must be,” quipped Suna, who possessively wrapped an arm around your waist. He was close enough you could feel his breath on the nape of your neck, and even without looking at him, you could tell he was glaring at his brother. “Kiyoomi is a fantastic dancer. But tradition aside, fate sure has a funny way of working out because I wasn’t her last dance, yet she married me. I am a lucky Prince for that.”

“You weren’t even at her debut ball,” mumbled the Second Prince, causing your eyes to nearly pop out your head.

You knew it was rare for royals to attend the birthday balls of even noble families, but finding out that your husband hadn’t danced with you on your special night was a different kind of hurt.

“The Crown Prince is a lucky man, indeed,” sighed Kanami dreamily, unaware of the tension between you four – with the brothers ready to tear at each other’s throat, and Iris’ smile slowly transforming into a grimace. An eventful night, indeed. “So, Your Highness, any thoughts on my invitation?”

You didn’t give it a second thought.

“I would love to visit Itachiyama, Kanami.”

“Splendid! Oh, come, come, we have much to talk about!” she stole you away despite your husband’s protests, and soon, you were led away from the crowd. It was all up to your Mother to hold Rintaro back. Glancing back at your husband worriedly, all the worries faded away. Because he wasn’t even looking at you, but rather at Iris, who clutched her head and murmured something while Rintaro fretted over her. The only person who looked at you was Prince Kiyoomi, his handsome face stoic while his mother yapped in your ear.

“You have no idea how happy you’ve made this old woman.”

You turned away from her son’s intense gaze, waving a dismissive hand in the hair. “Please. You are hardly old. I can only hope I look as good as you at that age.”

“Dear, you flatter me too much!”

Smiling at her cuteness, you glanced around the room to look at her again. It seemed like she knew she would be the tonight’s topic, as the Princess’ red lips flattened into a thin line. You almost had the urge to smile wickedly. Almost, if she hadn’t been leaning against your husband for support. You wanted to scoff. She really had the audacity to pretend she was the poor one here – and because of what? Because her mother in law disapproved of her?

She had everything already. She had your husband’s heart, and you couldn’t even keep his attention on you for longer than ten minutes.

The Princess needed to stop acting like a kicked puppy. Otherwise, you would truly give in to the desire to kick her until she whined and cried at your feet.

Gods. Since when had you been so violent?

“As much as I am looking forward to our trip, however, I cannot help but wonder why you seemed… against Princess Iris,” you voiced your thoughts out, feigning innocence. “I am only assuming, of course. I do not mean to say you hold any animosity towards Her Highness.”

“You are not wrong. I do hold some ‘animosity’ towards her,” chuckled the free-mouthed Kanami, almost as if she didn’t care anyone could hear. She was too laid-back for a foreign guest, but you supposed with her wealth and fame, along with the fact she was the biological mother of the Second Prince, her confidence made sense. “I am well aware it is wrong, and I could be gravely punished for speaking ill about the royals, but… I never quite liked her for my son. They were never a great fit.”

“Is it because he is older?”

“Pssh. The age gap hardly matters. He is only three years older. But there is something about Iris… something… off. I mean, I know my place. It is not like I married the King or was promised any security or titles when I birthed his son, but I am still his mother, and surely I have the right to care about his future. That includes who he marries, and quite frankly, I dislike his wife. She seems ingenuine.”

“How so?”

Kanami’s cheeks puckered out. “Well, imagine my shock when my son – who spends most of his time hiding away in his room with his nose buried in a book – suddenly becomes a husband in a fortnight! And to her, no less. It is all too suspicious, I tell you. I have never heard nice things about that girl and her mother.”

“Her mother was an honorable and loyal follower of the Crown. Despite being from Itachiyama, they pledged their lives to the Crown.”

“Which is odd in itself, because Itachiyama is a great country. We are peaceful, and if there are issues within the people, it is resolved immediately. So that whole sham of a story of her mother ‘defecting’ and moving here for a better life sounds unbelievable,” she shook her head, lowering her voice as she hid her lips behind her palm. “And I know her mother. Kate. She has always been ambitious, scarily so.”

“And you know this because…?”

“Because years ago, when His Majesty visited Itachiyama, I was not the one who meant to end up in his bed,” she admitted with a wince, “Kate had always set her sights on greater things. If she couldn’t be his wife, she could be his concubine, at the very least. And oh, His Majesty was smitten with her. She was a wonderful performer, and they shared too many drinks, but… Well, I, myself, am lost on what happened next. The King and I conversed the whole night, and I felt a spark, you know?”

Your head spun with all this information. You always knew the Royal Family Tree was a mess, thanks to the late King’s trysts with multiple women. But hearing about the history of it all caused your head to ache.

“I see. And that night, Kiyoomi was conceived.”

“He was. And Kate never spoke to me again. Next thing I know, I heard she moved to Inarizaki, and I figured she still hadn’t given up on the King. So when my son informed he was now married to Kate’s daughter, I was restless. I am most certain this had to be her doing.”

“Where is she now? Iris’ mother?”

“I don’t know,” she blinked, as if realizing this now, too. “She disappeared one day, and each time I asked Iris how her mother was faring, she’d stop speaking completely.”

“Perhaps she is not on good terms with her mother and is uncomfortable about the topic.”

“Perhaps,” she agreed, and then tilted her head to the side, a smirk on her pretty face. “Is it rude of me to say I wish my son married you instead? I know you are smitten with your Prince, but a mother can hope, can she not?”

The rest of the night, Miss Sakusa terrorized the guests. It was uncanny seeing how different she was to her son, who barely spoke a word. She was bright and lively, lived for sarcasm, and seemed to have a penchant for making Iris uncomfortable. You honestly would’ve felt bad if you didn’t agree to the mean things Kanami said about her. But that aside, you still couldn’t move over the fact that Iris was a huge contrast to Maiko. Maiko and Oikawa’s marriage, you understood. She came from an influential noble family, and so did Tooru. But who was Iris, exactly? How exactly did a citizen from Itachiyama, without a father and a mysterious, greedy mother end up being married to a Prince also in line for the crown?

Could it be that Kanami was right? Did Iris’ mother plan all of this – all to have a spot in the throne? If it was true, then you couldn’t cross out the possibility Iris may have seduced Rintaro when they were teenagers. He was the Crown Prince, for goodness’ sake. There was no quicker ticket to the throne than to have the rightful heir be smitten with you.

All this thinking wasn’t good for the night.

You were supposed to enjoy, and so you stole a glass when a servant passed and down the drink, uncaring if people thought it to be ungraceful for a Princess. It was an intimate gathering, anyway, with only the royal family and some of your closest friends and relatives. Surely they would understand you needed to loosen up.

Breaking free from Kanami, who had now taken her attentions to fixing Kiyoomi’s unruly curls, you watched as your Mother stood in front of the podium. She tapped the bread knife against her class, the clinking sound catching everyone’s attention. When she had them, your mother took a deep breath, searching for you in the crowd as a smile lit up her face.

You stiffened in your seat. Beside you, Rintaro took his place, his hand snaking down to rest on your thigh.

“I would like to thank everyone who graced us with their presence tonight,” your mother began, raising her glass in the air. “And I would like a toast in honor of Her Highness’ marriage, and to the Crown Prince, as well. I wish you both nothing but happiness and may you reign supreme.”

“To the Prince and Princess!” cheered the crowd. Feeling everyone’s eyes on you, you leaned back against Rintaro’s chest and smiled, the perfect image of a couple in love. Rintaro played the part, too, squeezing your thigh and pressing a kiss on the curve of your cheek. You let out a giggle – though it sounded more like a gurgle at the shock. Rintaro chuckled at your reaction, his chest vibrating with the sound.

You couldn’t deal with this anymore.

The night went from perfect to messed up, to you being slapped in the face with reality. You felt bad for yourself for not learning. Just because your husband danced with you, and he’d been perfect the past few days, didn’t mean he wouldn’t run to Iris if given the chance. You’d seen it with your own eyes. How if stuck in a situation where he was forced to choose between the two, he would choose her. And it was pathetic. You had his ring on your finger. You had the burden of his crown and title on your shoulders when all you ever wanted was love. And he couldn’t even give you that. Worse, he meant none of it.

How was it so easy for him to laugh and kiss you like it was the most normal thing in the world when both of you knew deep down he did not want you?

It was becoming unbearable. You needed to leave. Now.

Prying yourself off his grasp, you ducked. “Excuse me.” Rintaro couldn’t get the chance to speak when you darted past him and into the restroom. There, you heard the racing of your heart loud and clear – a song of both yearning and hurt lingering deep in your bones. You couldn’t understand it – not when you glanced at your reflection in the mirror and wondered… why not me? You were beautiful. You were educated. Surely, he must have seen good qualities in you if he chose to court you for two years when there were other more charismatic bachelorettes out there. Or… did he choose you because he knew you were inexperienced? Because you were lonely, shy, and therefore the easiest to manipulate?

The worst part of it all was that he had already made his intentions clear. You knew he loved her. You saw it in his eyes – the way his eyes drooped when he spoke about her, and his voice grew softer. How he yearned for her so badly talking about her hurt. But Maiko had given you false hope, and his sweet gestures didn’t help. This would all be easier if he hurt you, like he had back at your honeymoon, because then at least you would have a greater reason to hate him.

And that was what you wanted, wasn’t it?

To turn all this love into hate.

So letting him go would be easier. Although it never was.

Gripping the edge of the sink, you forced yourself to take deep breaths. Breathe in, breathe out. Count from one to eight with your eyes closed and focus only on the sensation of your lungs expanding and retracting. Do not think about him, do not think about his kisses, or his hand on your thigh, or how he called you beautiful –

“So this is where you were.”

You raised your head. Rintaro swung the door open, leaning against the doorframe as he watched you inquisitively. You both stared at each other like that for a moment, letting all the unspoken words just hang in the air until he broke the silence. “I’m sorry,” he sighed, sounding defeated. And this time, it sounded like he meant it. “You know I don’t wish to lie to your parents like that.”

You shrugged, turning on the faucet and splashing some water on your face. It became harder to breathe when he was around – all handsome and every bit the piece of your greatest desire.

“It’s just another night we have to see the end of.”

“Are you really going to Itachiyama?” he craned his head, eyes narrowed. “I cannot accompany you.”

“I did not ask you to.”

“I know, but,” he tried to argue, crossing the distance in three long strides. Just like the other night at the Palace hallway, his large frame engulfed you, trapping you between him and the sink. With him this close, you could see the unmasked desperation written all over his face. The frustration. “It’s… it’s Kiyoomi. I am uncomfortable knowing you would be spending days with him. Alone, at that. At least take someone with you.”

“My maids are coming.”

“I do not mean the maids.”

“Then who should I bring? His precious wife?” you rolled your eyes, “In case you weren’t aware, she isn’t invited either.”

“She should be…”

You couldn’t stop yourself from planting your palms in his chest, and gave him a shove. Your stupid husband, all lean with muscle, barely budged. It irritated you further. “Oh, come on, Your Highness. Do not act like this inconveniences you. I will be away for days, and so is your lover’s husband. The two people standing in your way will be out of your hair. Shouldn’t you be rejoicing in delight? No better time to frolic around with your lover when your wife and her husband aren’t around.”

Rintaro’s jaw clenched.

“You are saying I should be happy my wife is going on vacation with another man.”

“It sounds to me like you are afraid of your own shadow,” you mocked, and Rintaro flinched back. He hadn’t expected the harsh truth of your words would pierce this deep. “I am not an adulterer, my Prince. It has never once occurred to me to seduce someone else when I am married. Besides, Iris seemed rather relieved at the prospect of having you all by herself for a week,” you reminded him, having seen the Princess’ newfound relief only moments after Kanami had announced you would be having a trip with her son. It made you want to laugh. “You should enjoy, my Prince. You can even fuck in our bedroom.”

Whatever distance he previously put between you disappeared.

Rintaro growled, slamming his chest into yours until there was nothing but your clothes separating you. He shook with fury, and you delighted in it. How you could provoke this reaction from him. And you laughed, or tried to, because all the noises you made got swallowed in your throat when Rintaro grabbed your throat. Not tight enough to choke you, but the pressure served as a warning. Swiping his thumb on your lower lip, Rintaro huffed.

“Every day you test my patience. I think I rather preferred you when you were more malleable.”

“Sounds like you married the wrong person, then,” you spat out, and Rintaro’s dark chuckle reverberated in the empty space of the room.

“Oh, I made no mistake choosing you, that I assure. You are perfect in my eyes, whether you believe it or not,” and sooner than you liked, your husband was off of you again. But he was still close enough that his fingers intertwined with yours, the touch shockingly gentle despite his apparent anger with you. “And because you are my perfect wife, and my Princess, we will go back out there with all smiles and laughter. We are to appear in love. Do you understand?”

You glared up at him defiantly.

“Fuck you, Rintaro.”

Your husband smirked. “Darling, I wish you would.”

You began packing for your trip to Itachiyama. It wasn’t supposed to be for another three days, since Kanami still had work and wanted to be free by the time you and Kiyoomi arrived, but after everything that happened between you and Rintaro, you were eager to leave. After that dreadful night at the ball where he forced you to hold his hand the entire time, your legs felt uncomfortable with slick.

As shameful as it was to admit, you hadn’t expected your husband’s anger would make you feel things. Sinful things that led you to sneaking your hands down your thighs when you got home. And by the Gods, you bit your lip so hard to not scream his name when he was just in the other room.

Another moment spent with him was just pure torture. So, you were running away.

It wasn’t the bravest thing to do, but you already tried braving it all, only to fail spectacularly. You were still weak around him, and until you managed enough strength to actually pretend you didn’t care about Rintaro, the distance sounded like bliss. Even if your husband eventually supported you in this trip, because ‘he can finally spend more time with Iris.’ Right. You wanted him to be happy about this, but heavens, couldn’t he act a little less eager to have you gone?

You think you would lose it if he truly fucked her in your bed.

“Call me when you get there,” Rintaro’s voice drifted through the wind, and you swallowed. You were now at the airport, and he stood there below the staircase, hands shoved in his pockets. Your heart ached at the sight of him – so handsome with the wind messing up his hair, his cheeks just slighty flushed from the cold, and his lips plump and swollen still from the farewell kiss he gave you. It was all just an act, of course, since there must be some lingering paparazzi, but you still felt him. You could still taste the mint of his toothpaste on your tongue, his strawberry candy lingering at your taste buds.

But of course, he didn’t love you.

You felt the lack of that, too.

“I’ll see you,” was all you said before turning around, already looking inside the plane and spotting Kiyoomi.

He sat on the seat across from you, his eyes closed with music playing in his headphones. He looked so peaceful like this. For once, he wasn’t frowning, and it was then that nervousness settled in you as you awkwardly shifted in your seat. You still weren’t quite too fond of the Second Prince – his dry remarks always baffled you. He always left you wondering if you should laugh it off, or if you should apologize. If not that, his silence itself was completely unsettling. And when he opened his eyes, his body as still as water when he regarded you, you were certain you stopped breathing.

“Are you ready to go?”

“Huh? Oh. Oh, yes. I am.”

The Prince nods, looking outside the window. You did, too, and then regretted it when you caught sight of Iris and Rintaro outside the limos, huddled together for warmth. To other people’s eyes, it would just be two people waving goodbye to their spouses as they left. But you and Kiyoomi knew better.

Wriggling back to make himself more comfortable in his seat, Kiyoomi turned up the volume in his phone. “Well, this is going to be fun.”

You wished you could agree.

When you woke, you had arrived in Itachiyama. It was only a forty-five minute flight, but you dozed off nonetheless, and when you did, Kiyoomi had already wrapped a blanket around you. You thanked the silent Prince for it, but he made no gesture to say whether he heard you or not. He was a gentleman, at least. Holding your hand as you made your way down the plane, opening the doors for you into his car, and offering you drinks as the driver headed to Kiyoomi’s farmhouse.

“I’m sorry you had to deal with my mother. She can be quite persuasive.”

You looked back at Kiyoomi. You had been staring at all the billboards of Kanami; commercial ads, movie promotions, and the like. It stunned you again how this loud and flashy woman was the mother of a silent, brooding man. Even now, he had himself glued to his seat, adamant to put distance between you both with his arms crossed against his chest. “I was delighted by her invitation,” you tell him, glancing outside the windows again at another huge billboard of Kanami eating local ramen noodles. ‘MUST TRY!’ it was captioned, and they colored her cheeks red from the spicy flavor. You chuckled. “Wow. She really is everywhere.”

Kiyoomi followed your gaze. “She’s Itachiyama’s darling,” he shrugged, and then leant forward until his elbows rested on his knees. Sheepish wasn’t a word you would use to describe the Second Prince, but he definitely looked like it right now. “I must let you know, my mother didn’t invite you to visit just because she felt like it. She… well, she wanted you to somehow see Itachiyama as your home.”

“But I already have a home.”

“Yes, but she is fond of you, and she’s delusional that you should’ve been married to me,” he scratched his cheek, purposefully avoiding your gaze. Then, his cheeks flushed red, and you felt heat crawling on your neck at the implication of his words. “Sorry. That was awkward.”

“It’s fine. You are a great man, so it’s not like being married to you sounds entirely bad.”

“Definitely beats being married to my brother.”

“I guess so,” you chuckled, expelling any thoughts of being married to Kiyoomi instead. It wasn’t such a bad thing, to be honest. He was tall, handsome, and respectful. All of the Princess were good-looking in their own ways, but Prince Kiyoomi held the type of regal beauty that you would have oil portraits of hanging on the entrance of your home. He was large, stood tall and imposing, but never did he actually make you feel small or irrelevant. And even with his mysterious and silent demeanor, his intimidating features did little to hide his humble and bashful nature underneath. Which you found adorable, but you would never say it out loud. Instead, you watched as a crowd gathered in the middle of the city. Children ran around laughing, and parents bought trinkets from the stalls set up at the edge of the road.

“What is that?”

“A culture festival. They hold it annually around this time of the year to welcome autumn and give thanks for prosperous harvests. It’s called Kōyō no Matsuri, or ‘Festival of the Changing Leaves.’ It lasts about eight days where the farmers come together and celebrate.”

Unable to contain your excitement, you pressed your palms against the window. “I heard about this from the Crown Prince. Something about Itachiyama being one of the main suppliers of harvest and livestock?”

“We’re mostly a farmer country, whilst Inarizaki is the more advanced and modern one. It’s mostly to do with how our terrain is just richer in natural riches, while Inarizaki boasts in academics and politics,” he informed, “On the third day of the festival, the farmers visit some shrines to offer thanks for their harvest, and on the fifth day, they gather around the old temples and castles before Itachiyama and Inarizaki were split into two.”

“Wow. I hadn’t known your country would be so rich with history.”

“Technically, both countries share the same history. They just took separate paths at the end of it all.”

Pushing yourself off from the window, the driver drove past from the festival commotion until more trees surrounded you. You figured you’d left the city and now travelled somewhere more remote – fitting for where Kiyoomi lived.

“Do you like it better here?”

“Yes. It’s much quieter, and here, people don’t care too much on how I’m supposed to act as a Prince. I’m not their Prince, after all. I’m just a half-blood who happened to be their spokesperson.”

Something about his tone told you there was more he wanted to say, but chose not to. You pondered over it – how the Princes were so different. Some loved their titles and basked in their wealth, while some took their duties seriously to serve their people better. And then there was Rintaro, who was nearly crushed by the pressure to become better than Ushijima, and Kiyoomi… Kiyoomi, who remains an enigma to you. From what you heard about the Second Prince, people called him lazy, rarely attending meetings and showing up only when needed. It made you wonder how he was like as a little boy, who probably just wanted to live normally and in quiet, but because he was a Prince, he had to become someone else entirely.

Letting it go, you decided to change the topic. You were certain the Prince would share more with you about himself when he was ready.

“Your Highness, I would love to attend the festival.”

“Really?” his brows raised, and your eyes caught the motion of his vertical moles following the movement. “I mean, you can, but there would be lots of people. Wouldn’t you rather rest?”

“I’ve been doing nothing but rest the past few days. It would be nice to go out and do something. Besides, I wish to know more about your people.” And you meant it. You were barely a few hours in Itachiyama, but it already reminded you of the peaceful Greenville where you were raised. Itachiyama was starting to feel like home, like Kanami hoped.

Across you, you remained unaware of the Prince’s soft smile.

“I see. I shall take you to the festival tonight.”

Seeing as Kanami still had her schedule filled, you and Kiyoomi had the rest of the day to yourselves until she returned. His mother did his best to welcome you, though, even in her absence. When you arrived at Kiyoomi’s farmhouse, she had already left you a bouquet of roses and a handwritten card telling you how happy she was her ‘daughter’ was now in her home country. It made your heart soften, even more so when she lent you a black-and-yellow floral yukata for tonight’s festival.

“You look nice,” Kiyoomi commented when you descended from the stairs, some flower pins in your hair. Overall, you felt pretty. It felt nice to be out of corsets and long-sleeved dresses. You could tell Kiyoomi approved too, as his eyes lit up, but his lips remained the same with an impassive expression. Offering his arm, you gladly took it, letting him lead you out and into the awaiting chauffeur. “Did my mother tell you to wear that?”

“She did. She said it would be more appropriate to wear traditional clothing fitting for the festival,” you gave a little twirl, and Kiyoomi’s lips curled by the slightest. It was enough to make you happy, and you were practically bouncing in your seat as the city lights came into view. Kiyoomi’s farmhouse rested on the countryside; surrounded by nothing but hills and endless amounts of grass. Signal couldn’t reach there, too, so you left your phone behind.

Tonight, you would simply enjoy this trip.

“Do you attend often?”

“When I can, yes, but… It’s a rather intimate celebration for the farmers, and I feel like I don’t do much for them, so I mostly sit out at home.”

“But you are a farmer, too, aren’t you?”

His eyes narrowed, but the reddening of his ears told you it was more of embarrassment. “Who told you that?”

“Your mother,” you chuckled. Once you’d arrived at the city, and the driver had parked somewhere else, you looped your arm around Kiyoomi’s and ventured into the heart of thefestival. “And I’m not stupid – you live in a farmhouse and have your own barn. I just never thought you would be the nature type.”

“There are lots you don’t know about me.”

“I can always learn.”

Kiyoomi’s gaze casted downwards. You couldn’t read his expression; he was always so guarded. But before you could contemplate on it further, you were swept up in the festivities. Everyone around you wore a yukata, and young couples held hands while wearing matching bracelets. Kiyoomi had told you those bracelets were special only for this festival, that the symbol of the moon was to pay respects to the Heavens for the blessings they bestow. Parents also joined in the night, with their children eating caramelized apples, and other candies. Mostly, the stalls offered food from their harvests such as roasted chestnuts, rice cakes, and pumpkin dishes. There was such a strong sense of community within the people that you were overwhelmed – Inarizaki didn’t feel as homely as Itachiyama.

An hour later, your stomach was well beyond full. You’d tasted and tried everything the farmers and their wives made. And when they saw the delighted way you closed your eyes and moaned at the delicacies, they offered you more and more. Kiyoomi paid for everything despite your protests, saying he was the host, and your only job for tonight was to enjoy.

Well, you surely wouldn’t complain.

Once you’d eaten your fill, and purchased a fox mask that matched your yukata, a group of young men started banging their drums. A woman played her flute effortlessly even behind her crow mask. Beside her, more people in matching crow masks sang in a foreign language. It sounded like a serenade; something about the voices were sweet, calling out to you like you were being seduced, and the hypnotic beats of the drum made your hips sway. But the most shocking part of it all was when people began to join in and held their partners, bumping their masks as if they were kissing, their hands squeezing each other’s waists and chanting along to the song.

You were mesmerized.

“That’s the Harvesting Dance,” Kiyoomi whispered in your ear, “They dance in hopes to bring joy to the ancestral spirits for blessing them with good harvest this year.”

“Must it always be a man and a woman?”

“It’s… an intimate dance,” he struggled to let out, and you craned your head towards him. He’d bought himself a fox mask to match yours, claiming he’d feel more comfortable if people didn’t recognize him. “Like the union of man and woman, they have become one with the ancestral spirits. It’s a time for reconnecting to their old ways, and showing gratitude for the family they’ve been given. And, uhm…” he scratched the back of his ears, which had turned pinkish again, “Well, it’s not just about harvest, really. It is also a dance for fertile crops and fertile wombs.”

Realization dawned on you.

“Oh!”

“It is a newly married couple’s tradition to participate in the dance.”

You nodded at the information, feeling both flustered and entertained at the Prince’s bashfulness. You almost wanted to tease him more about it until you were dragged by a young woman, her male partner already waiting for her in the middle of the dance. She rotated her hips in a circle and jumped to the beat, head thrown back in laughter. You couldn’t help but laugh with her, too – her laugh was contagious, and Kiyoomi was right. There was a sense of freedom when people didn’t know who you were.

“You lovebirds! Don’t miss out on the dance, unless you want the ancestral spirits to take away your virility!”

“Oh, thank you, but–”

“You are newly married, are you not?”

“I am, but–”

“Then come dance so you may be blessed with many healthy offspring!”

Sending a halfhearted apologetic smile to Prince, you dragged him with you. You realized he couldn’t see you, exactly, but your eyes were crinkled enough from your joy. He grumbled a bit, but otherwise didn’t complain. When the music played again, you mimicked the locals’ movements and giggled so hard your stomach hurt. Some of the steps were suggestive – a flirty brush of your knuckles on Kiyoomi’s chest, or him rubbing his mask tenderly at the sensitive spot of your neck. Through it all, you had to remain connected to each other. It was hard to tell who held who tighter – Kiyoomi had his hands planted on your hips with a deliciously vice-tight grip, and the fronts of his kimono had been undone by your teasing, restless hands.

You now understood why the dance encouraged fertility. There was so much seduction with only just your bodies, with no words needing to be spoken. And you couldn’t help but wonder – is this the way to Kiyoomi’s heart? Because he is not the best with words, so you had to touch him at all the right places?

You received your answer when the drums came to a crescendo before immediately halting. Like a growing orgasm, until it exploded from within, and you found yourself pressed up against Kiyoomi’s. Pressed close enough that his breathing matched yours. His eyes, already dark, grew impossibly darker.

“That was fun!” you bumped your mask with his, breathing hard underneath. “Has anyone told you you’re a great dancer?”

The Prince snorted. “I would be surprised if I wasn’t. I spent the good half of my childhood enduring dance lessons, thanks to my mother.”

You laughed hard at that. Already, this was becoming one of the best nights of your life. Back in Inarizaki, you didn’t go out much to socialize. All the other unmarried ladies seemed to be well-versed in charismatic social skills and effortlessly landed a husband within months after their debut into society. You, on the other hand, having grown up as an only child with busy parents, had no one to talk to. You stuttered a lot, and always stumbled on your own thoughts when voicing them out loud. It truly was a surprise to everyone that the Crown Prince found you interesting – even if that seemed a lifetime ago.

But you supposed you really weren’t the same person anymore. Because if you were still the same shy, bumbling young woman from years ago, you wouldn’t be here in Itachiyama, laughing without a care in the world with a handsome Prince at your side. He’d bought you more trinkets, and another set to gift to your mother when you returned home. You found it incredibly sweet, but of course, Kiyoomi only grumbled in embarrassment when you told him about it.

By the time Kiyoomi’s arms were filled with shopping bags, the crowd began to lessen. It was getting late, yet you were in no hurry, walking at a snail’s pace along the closed roads.

Silently hoping this moment would last forever.

“Your homeland is beautiful, Your Highness.”

“Thank you,” he said, and his brows furrowed deep in thought – as if hesitating. “They end tonight’s celebration with a Lantern Lighting Ceremony. Would you like to see?”

Your jaw dropped. Can this night get any better?

“I would love to!”

Since some of Kiyoomi and your security were still discreetly following, he handed them the bags before leading you away from the roads and near a lake, just beside the heart of the city. There, floating hydrangeas decorated the water, looking like it came out of a painting. Lanterns were already being lit up from where you stood – some with a rented wooden boat, and the rest content to just remaining in the concrete pavement, their hands weaved together as they mumbled themselves.

You turned to Kiyoomi in question. “It works like a birthday wish,” he explained, politely bowing to the old man who sold lanterns and match sticks. “You say your greatest desire, and then you let go of the lantern. The ancestral spirits will hear of your prayer and grant it to you.”

Doing as he said, you close your eyes. You could hear Kiyoomi lighting the match as he lit up the lantern, and you wished for more of this – more joyful, peaceful nights. It seemed like a simple wish, but with your current predicament, you had to jump at any chance of luck you could get. After all, you would have to leave Itachiyama someday. Your life wasn’t always going to be like this – of dances, of candied apples, of lighting lanterns and simply feeling alive. Because you knew once you returned home, reality would set in. So you prayed, and desperately wished, to experience happiness.

Satisfied, you cracked your eyes open, beaming at how the golden lantern burned even brighter in Kiyoomi’s large hands. Seriously, his hands were so big and his fingers long he almost encompassed the entire paper globe. However, he only had his eyes on you, his expression somber and lips tight – almost as if he knew you had wished for something impossible, and he, too, wanted your wish to come true.

“Did you wish for anything?”

“No.” He shook his head, “I already have everything I could need. The farmers need the prayers more than I do.” Again, you were stunned by the Prince’s thoughtfulness. He turned to you to ask if you were ready to let go of the lantern, and you nodded, the both of you watching as it soared up high in the sky – the dark night decorated with a hundred little lanterns like stars rising from the lake.

It was pure magic.

“Whatever it is you wished for,” Kiyoomi mumbled, “I hope it will come true.”

Your lips wobbled. “I hope so too.”

He nodded, feeling awkward once more, and you nearly laughed. The Prince clearly wasn’t great at dealing with genuine emotions. “Are you tired? We can return home already.”

“I’d like to walk on the way back to the car. I don’t want the night to end just yet.”

Kiyoomi wasn’t against your idea. You shared the silence in peace, gratitude and pure, unabashed happiness blooming from within your chest. You suddenly missed your mother; wishing you could’ve taken her with you. She would’ve loved it here. She would shamelessly do the Harvesting Dance with your father, because they were still enamored with one another even after years of marriage. They were the reason you believed in true love and hoped to have it for yourself. But alas, fate had different plans for you.

It had made you fall in love with the wrong person and made you a Princess in the aftermath.

Sneaking a glance at Kiyoomi, you noticed he’d already taken off his mask. His handsome features were bathed in the moonlight, making him look even more ethereal than he already was. His features, strong, and dark, and sharp, yet his lips were curved so softly, his dark eyes nothing but tender and patient.

He held none of the malice or greed the other Princes had.

“Do you enjoy being Prince, Your Highness?” you blurted after a while, because talking seemed to be the better option than ogling at his beauty. No, you couldn’t do that. You were both married to someone else – and you would rather lose your title than be unfaithful like Rintaro.

Rintaro. Just the thought of his name soured your mood.

“Not quite,” he admitted, “It isn’t as grand as it sounds. There are lots of things to do, and a myriad of rules to follow. But I still think this responsibility bestowed on me is an honor. After all, not everyone has the privilege to be born with a purpose. Many people spend the rest of their lives looking for it, but mine was handed in a silver platter.”

“Hm. I never thought of it that way. I… I always thought you hated being Prince.”

“I do not despite it, but neither do I like it.”

“What would you be doing, then, if you were born as a commoner?”

He side eyed you, a hint of a smile appearing on his face. “Farming.”

You both laughed. Of course that was his answer. “Why am I not surprised by that?”

“What about you?” he asked, tilting his head to the side and briefly glancing at the fat, extravagant ring on your finger. The sight of it made him wince, but he schooled his face into impassiveness before you could think about it. In return, you searched for his wedding ring too, frowning upon the realization he hadn’t worn it. “What would you be doing if you hadn’t married my brother?”

“Hmm… Managing the household… learning the business, although if you ask me, I really would have wanted to get married, regardless if it was to a royal or not. In fact, I never even dreamt of being a Princess. It just never seemed to be possible for me.”

“You’re a great Princess,” he commended, and that warmth blooming in your chest had fully sparked. “Who would you have married, then?”

“Anyone who loved me and cherished me,” you scrunched up your nose, feeling bashful. “I am quite the simpleton, aren’t I?”

“There is nothing wrong with wanting simple things.”

His words held nothing but sincerity. Coming from a Prince who didn’t indulge in the lavishness he could have with his life, and opted for farming instead, you believed him. And it felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulder, like a breath you’d been holding had been released. Kiyoomi was like a breath of fresh air. He was so different from his brothers – so detached from the crown, yet so connected to the world and its humble gifts. Kita was different, too, but he held a sharp edge to him. He wielded his intelligence and knowledge like a weapon, because living anywhere near the throne was a battle in itself, but Kiyoomi was just… different.

In a world of polished gems, he shone brightly as a raw diamond.

“Your Highness, I… I know most of royal marriages are arranged, and rarely does it happen out of love, but why Iris? You are the second Prince. Anyone of you could have had anyone you wanted, and Iris didn’t seem wealthy or influential enough to be a royal spouse candidate. Why her?”

“Because she’s from Itachiyama.”

“That’s it?”

Kiyoomi licked his lips, thinking about his answer before he spoke them. “You are aware I’m the only son with a foreign mother. When I was born, they saw potential in me, to possibly unite the two territories into one again. But I was aloof, and liked to keep to myself, so I lacked in that department. When Iris had been presented to the Queen by her mother and they pledged their loyalty to the throne, she was made a royal scholar,” he glanced at you, gauging for your reaction. “You are right that she isn’t anyone’s first choice to be a Prince’s wife. She comes from a common family with nothing to her name. But she is intelligent, and she has always shown dedication to the throne. That was enough to convince the Queen we were the most sensible pair.”

“And is it working? Are we being united to your homeland?”

“No. Iris has barely stepped foot in Itachiyama,” This time, Kiyoomi turned away from you and licked his lips. “She mostly does work at the Palace.”

“Because Rintaro is there?”

“Precisely.” You knew he would answer that, but the image popping in your head was unkind – of Iris and Rintaro making love to one another while you weren’t around.

“Do you love her? Or hold affection for her, in the very least?”

“Not at all. I never wanted to marry, and my opinion of her hasn’t changed since we married,” the determination in his voice surprised you, a hardness settling over his features. “Royal marriages are always done with a political purpose, Princess. It was, and never will be, out of love.”

The conversation died at that. You didn’t press further, either, because you knew Kiyoomi hadn’t said those words to hurt you. He only meant to remind you. And you were thankful, because he chose to be honest, albeit cruelly, when everyone else made you a fool – a weak fool who had to be fed lies because people believed you wouldn’t be able to stomach the truth. Perhaps they were right, perhaps you were weak, but Kiyoomi didn’t look at you like that. He only looked at you like he despised everyone for even lying, or keeping secrets, and he’d made it his mission to be truthful.

Truly, your unexpected friendship with the Prince had been the greatest gift.

“Thank you for the lovely evening, Your Highness,” you bowed to him, quite ready to retreat back into the guest room once you’d reached his farmhouse.

“It was my pleasure,” he returned the bow, yet remained frozen at the bottom of the staircase, tongue darting out to lick at his lower lip nervously. “Oh, and Princess? Would you… come and like to meet my horses tomorrow? I think you would like them.”

Somehow, the thought of Kiyoomi introducing his horses to you, and nerding out about them, put a smile on your face. Getting to know the Princes was like unwrapping a gift – you never know if you would like what was inside. But you most definitely liked Kiyoomi, and you remained true to your word that you would learn everything about him. His horses, his history, the contents of his heart, and every inch of his farmhouse and barn if he would let you.

“I would love to.”

You couldn’t stop tossing and turning in your bed.

Today’s events still played on your mind like a loop. The festivities, the freedom that came with anonymity, the connection of the citizens to their culture and history – you realized they were so different from Inarizaki. Inarizaki had its great parts, too, like their dedication to the monarchy and the power they held. It was a country known for having many scholars as the academe was greatly funded by the monarchs, but somehow it always felt… detached. Detached from nature, detached from the basic aspects of humanity.

Inarizaki cared about greatness, and so did its people. It was the sole reason why they had such strict customs and adhered to the law like their life depended on it. Itachiyama was different. They weren’t the most advanced – their buildings not as tall, their country mostly surrounded by beaches or forests, with their people preferring the old ways. Yet somehow, you felt more at home here.

It reminded you of Greenville and summers spent chasing dragonflies and lying on the grass to sunbathe.

It reminded you of a childhood long gone.

Sighing to yourself, you slipped out of the covers. The clock read it was just quarter past two am. Kiyoomi’s staff were already asleep, and you were certain each footstep you took would cause the floorboards to creak. Still, there was only so little you could do in your room. The TV didn’t have cable, Kiyoomi wasn’t interested in having Wi-Fi, and the place was rather empty of anything that could entertain you.

Surely a little exploring wouldn’t hurt, though. Slipping your arms into your robe, you tied it around your waist and exited your room. The hallways were dark and empty, and you held your breath, tiptoeing around the halls. You didn’t know why you were so nervous to be caught. It wasn’t like you were doing something wrong, although you did look suspicious turning every knob and groaning when none opened.

What was the point of all these rooms if you couldn’t enter them?

Walking around, you studied every bit of Kiyoomi’s farmhouse. It was grand in size, and nothing about the chandeliers and marble floors were the least bit modest, but it felt homey. There were knick-knacks everywhere, messy childhood paintings and poorly drawn stick-figures hung up on the wall. Upon closer look, you saw Tobio and Tooru scribbled upon the drawings. Smiling to yourself, you took it all greedily – the lack of family pictures replaced by these artworks, the fresh flowers with Kanami’s name tagged on a card lovingly taken care of, and a single portrait of Kanami with a younger Kiyoomi on her lap.

You could imagine how once in the past, the brothers spent many nights in this house, ran around chasing each other with their high-pitched squeals.

They were boys before they became Princes.

They were brothers before they were rivals.

Your hands reached out for the drawings. Even Shinsuke’s was there, and to no one’s surprise, his was the best. The colors were always within the lines, and he had clean, smooth strokes of his brush. Keiji’s was second best, but his looked more like scribbles and sketches than a polished end result. Ushijima didn’t have any drawings, but a certain stick figure drawing from a little Tobio counted eight brothers holding hands. ‘Brothers forever’, he scrawled underneath, causing your heart to ache.

He hadn’t included Rintaro in the picture.

Letting go of the drawings with a frown, you took a step back and collided with something solid. You gasped, a scream nearly torn out your throat when you studied the figure now standing in front of you. Broad shouldered, with unruly curls surrounding his face, and his head tilted to the side in confusion – Prince Kiyoomi looked like a dream come true. One shouldn’t look this ethereal in the dark hallways of his house, with nothing but the moonlight slipping through the glass windows illuminating the sharpness of his cheekbones.

He stood so still and quiet you couldn’t hear him breathe. Had he been here for a while?

You placed a hand to calm your racing heart. “Your Highness. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d still be awake.”

“It’s okay,” he mumbles, looking past you and to the drawings just as his brows pinched together. “I didn’t know you’d be awake, too. Is your room not to your liking?”

“Oh, no, no, it is. I’m just…”

“Feeling homesick?”

“Not quite,” you scrunched your nose, “Today was just amazing. I’m still reeling from the joy of it all.”

He nodded, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. You watched him have an inner debate before he nodded again, gesturing to the staircase. “Follow me. There’s something I’d like to show you.”

The Prince led you to the hallway where his room and Kanami’s was located whenever she visited. At the end of the hall stood two grand double doors that could only be opened by a key from his pocket. The doors squeaked as it open, and you both coughed as dust fluttered through the space. Clearly, it hadn’t been used in a while, but that mattered little when he switched on the lights. Rows upon rows of books stood tall enough to nearly hit the ceiling. The room had a dome-shaped structure, with the walls carved in to make more spaces as bookshelves. In the middle sat a velvet red couch with a wooden table decorated with a vase of flowers. However, it wasn’t the books that took your breath away – it was the grand spiraling chandelier that slowly flickered to life like candles being lit, bathing the room in a warm, soothing light.

Unable to help yourself, you stepped inside, jaw dropped at the beauty of it all.

“This is my library.”

“This is marvelous,” you chuckled out, breathily, running your fingers over the spines of the books. They were covered in dust, but otherwise in pristine conditions. Most of them were classic collections too – the types of books you would only find in antique shops. And was that an official journal from an ancient royal? You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. This couldn’t be just a personal collection – these had to be an official record room.

“Are these all yours?”

“Some of it were my father’s. His Majesty liked to read.”

You glanced at Kiyoomi from under your lashes. He stood at an arm’s length away from you, casually leaning against the bookshelf whilst you pull out a random book. The Anthology of the First King, it read.

“You’re the first Prince who ever spoke of him.”

Kiyoomi’s gaze flittered over yours, from your fingers caressing the ancient book delicately, to the way a smile graced your face upon inhaling that addicting old book smell. His voice, if possible, grew quieter. “I know my brothers all dislike him, and I don’t blame them,” he continued, “But His Majesty raised me as best as he could. It may have been because of the power I could wield as a foreigner, but he came here often. He was the reason I grew up with a fondness for books.”

You hadn’t heard of that before. As far as you knew, the late King seemed absent in all of his son’s lives, but then again, the royal family had always been a complexity.

Turning away from the historical section, you beamed at the Prince. “Well, this is quite an impressive collection. His Majesty has taste.”

Kiyoomi fought back a smile. The gesture shouldn’t have looked as adorable as it did, and now you were fighting back a smile, too. You liked him this way – you like him much better here in Itachiyama. Whenever he was at the Palace, you could see the walls he surrounded himself with, how he closed himself from the world. But here? Here, he was just a man eager to talk about the things he loved, and you eagerly followed him when he gestured you to.

“This is my section,” he pointed to a rack spanning from floor to ceiling, then to the shelves next to it. “And that is Tooru’s. The one at the back is Keiji’s.”

Tooru’s section was… surprising, to say the least. He had all of Shakespeare’s books, with a multitude of romance and tragedy novels. His books looked to be the most loved out of everything you’d seen – with cracked spines, folded paper edges, and annotations on the pages. “Tooru’s? These are all romance novels.”

“It may be hard to believe, but he is a hopeless romantic,” Kiyoomi snickered, “Keiji, on the other hand, loves to read historical fiction. And don’t tell him I told you this, but he wrote three of these books here.”

“He’s a writer?!”

“A splendid one,” he boasted, pulling out a book titled The Fall of Belle. “He wrote this about Belleview Manor when he was eighteen. Belleview was notorious for housing the most, er, complicated royals, you see. He was inspired by it and turned it to a kingdom, writing something about soldiers and poets and kings. It’s a really good novel. I highly recommend you read it.”

Kiyoomi was already shoving Keiji’s novels into your arms before you could say anything. Next to Keiji’s was Shinsuke’s collection – unsurprisingly again, were mostly textbooks. The Itachiyaman Law, the Governance, the History of Inarizaki, The Fall of the Union. You weren’t too interested, so you moved onto the next shelves and blinked back at what you saw.

Beside you, the Prince cleared his throat in an attempt to hold back a smile. “That is Tobio’s section.”

“These are… balls.”

Instead of books placed on the shelves, they were balls, all held up carefully by expensive looking holders. Each one of them had signatures written on them with markers, along with a tag underneath of several dates. “Volleyballs, yes. He had these signed by his favorite players, and those are the dates of the matches,” he explained, slowly moving behind you until you could feel the heat radiating off of him. Looking up at the Prince, you saw he wasn’t looking at you, but rather at the sports equipment with what seemed like fondness, and regret, in his eyes.

“He’s always loved playing sports as a child. He was rather good at it, too. Shame he couldn’t go pro.”

“Because he’s a Prince?”

Kiyoomi nodded. “He may be the youngest, but that doesn’t mean he’s freed from his duties. The Queen knows the kingdom loves him so she has quite a grand plan for Tobio to start tours by himself and see if he’d be more successful in establishing connections with others,” shaking his head, the Prince closed his eyes. “He may marry soon, too.”

“He’s too young to be married.”

“He isn’t that young, but I know what you mean,” he said, “Although I think Tobio will find it the hardest to marry out of every one of us.”

“Why so?”

Kiyoomi shrugged. “He’s a romantic. Not like Tooru in the sense that he would recite Shakespeare’s sonnet to seduce a woman he likes, but in the sense that he still innocently believes he can marry someone of his choosing. That’d only work if she was a noblewoman, though. Otherwise he might experience the same fate as Shinsuke.”

Ah. Shinsuke and his maid – a tragedy in the making.

You looked away from Kiyoomi. Shuffling the books in your arms, you shuffled to the lone seat in the room and plopped down on it, wincing when your arms ached from the weight. “You know a lot about your brothers.”

“I’ve spent a long time watching them,” he confessed, and the sofa dipped beside you. He leant back against it, his long legs crossing over the other as he tilted his head back, watching what little he could of the stars visible from the dome-like ceiling. “It wasn’t always like this. There was a point in our lives we used to be closer and didn’t care too much about the throne.”

“Who were you closest with?”

“Tooru and Keiji. They both loved reading, and so did I. I wasn’t very close with the younger ones because they were rambunctious, especially the twins. But I like Tobio a lot,” he smiled, albeit sadly. “I hope the crown never fails him. I would do anything to ensure he stays unaffected by the harshness of it.”

“He’s a precious boy,” you agreed, and then thought back to the drawings in Kiyoomi’s living room. Biting your lip, you suddenly stood up and headed for the last shelf at the end of the room. Silently hoping, wishing, it was Rintaro’s section. Behind you, you heard the Prince shuffle on his feet as he followed you around. “And… Rintaro? Were you close with him back then, too?”

You already expected the answer, but it didn’t disappoint you any less when you heard it.

“No. The Queen always kept him isolated. I rarely saw him growing up, but on the few times I did, he always looked like he wanted to play with us. He wasn’t allowed, though. Her Majesty was… eerily wary of him getting too close with his brothers,” Kiyoomi let on, his handsome face contorting to that of discomfort when you blankly stared at him. Then, his ears reddened, and he coughed out of nowhere, his large palm covering his mouth. “I fear I may have talked too much. Please, look around. I’m sure you’ll find something you’ll like.”

Happy to do so, you left no inch and corner of the library unturned. Tooru had the most interesting collection with his romance novels, but you found Keiji’s section to be the most curious. A moment later, you had a dozen books stacked on top of each other at the nearby table. You just wanted one more – a book about Tobio’s favorite sport so you could ask the sweet Prince about it when you returned home.

Unfortunately, the first five rows of Tobio’s shelf consisted of his signed volleyballs, and his books sat at the top ones. You had to stand on your tiptoes, only for your fingers to barely graze the spine of it. Damn it. Taking your slippers off, you bunched your nightgown and robe in your hand and used your free arm to hoist yourself up. Your feet landed on the wooden boards of the shelf as you struggled to reach for A Dummy’s Guide to Volleyball when your foot slipped.

The ground disappeared beneath you.

Gravity consumed you as you fell, the book you’d been reaching for sliding out of its place and nearly knocking into your forehead. But it never came. Your face never smacked the ground, and your bum seemed safe, too. Instead, strong arms wrapped around your waist until you landed on a hard body with an ‘oof’, the breath knocked out of your windpipe.

Kiyoomi groaned underneath you.

Gasping, you realized you’d accidentally elbowed him in the chest. The poor prince had turned red in the face as he struggled to breathe, and you hoisted yourself up to move yourself out of the way, realizing a little too late how little you wore. Or how thin your nightgown was. Or how you didn’t wear a bra to sleep and forgot to wear one when you left the room, and now your hardened nipples were brushing against his chest. Underneath you, Kiyoomi inhaled in sharply, his dark eyes darting from your cleavage and to the books – the movement so fast you wondered if he had whiplash.

You froze. This was… quite a predicament to be in.

If you slid your body upward, your lace panties would brush against his crotch. If you slid yourself downwards, you’d graze your sensitive nipples on his silk blouse. But if you slid sideways, that would mean you had to rise your upper body to get your knees to stop straddling him, and he’d have an even closer view of your breasts.

In conclusion, nothing would work.

“Let me, just, uh, move,” the Prince groaned beneath you, and you nodded fervently. He could do whatever he wanted at this point as long as it meant you’d both be separated. However, luck was not on his side either. As soon as the Prince gripped your hips to lift you off of him, his hips rose on instinct, accidentally thrusting into you.

The Prince stopped breathing, and so did you.

Within the blink of an eye, the Prince had torn you off his body – and he was suddenly at the other side of the room. Color drained from his face just as his skin from the neck down blistered red, the poor Prince snatching a nearby book to hide the growing tent in his pants.

“My apologies,” he blurted out, looking at everywhere but you. “I didn’t – I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” standing up, you dusted yourself off and wobbled on your feet. Great. Your legs felt weak, and your voice didn’t come out as confident and composed as you liked it to be. Rather, you were both breathless – and you couldn’t tell if it was from the adrenaline, or the delicious way his body molded to yours.

A pleasure you would not be thinking of. Ever. Again.

“Uhm. Thank you. Your library is really nice.”

The Prince nodded, taking his lips between his teeth. “I should, uh. I should go.”

“Yes, that might be for the best,” you croaked out, and just like that, the Prince was gone. The heavy slamming of the doors was the last thing you heard before you were engulfed in a deafening silence.

That night, you did not get any sleep at all.

And you were restless for all the wrong reasons.

185 notes · View notes

vsimp · 3 days

Text

he catches you writing smut (18+)

pairing: Kamisato Ayato x F!Reader

genre: smut

wc: 2.6k

kink warning: a line or two about panty sniffing lol

There was a pretty popular erotic novel currently published by the Yae Publishing House. Hundreds of copies so far have been sold in Inazuma. It was released by an anonymous author, a story telling the tale between a CEO and his secretary. Although the people weren’t too familiar with the concept of a corporation, people really did enjoy the little power dynamic between a dominant CEO and his submissive secretary. Smut had recently grown popular in Teyvat, and this erotic novel was the current driving force of it all.

Little did they know that you were the author, the current lady of the Kamisato Clan, and the Yashiro Commissioner's wife. You had based the male lead off of your own husband. Surely if you revealed your identity, the whole of Inazuma would be in uproar and you would soil the Kamisato Clan’s name. That was why it was your own dirty little secret, the fact that you were writing erotic fiction based on you and your husband, a little secret that only you and Yae Miko know.

What you didn’t expect was for the novel to reach the insides of the Estate. Housekeepers were gushing about it during their breaks, retainers were talking about how their partners wanted to try these different positions from the novel… You couldn’t help but be mortified, yet flattered, that so many people enjoyed your dirty novel.

It wasn’t until the news had reached your husband’s ears did you really, really get in trouble.

Kamisato Ayato called his wife to his study after a long day of duties for the both of them. Usually, he would invite her to tea if they had the time to talk about what they had for plans during the week.

You took a sip of your tea, relishing in the nice silence after a bustling day and the warmth that the tea brought.

“There’s this novel that has been the talk of the town lately,” Ayato said and you did everything you could not to choke on your tea.

“Ah, I heard the staff speaking about it this week. My, I wonder what had caught their attention like so…” You replied as casually as you could.

“Mm.” He replied briefly and took something out of his jacket. You tried not to tense up as you recognized the familiar pink book cover, of course graced with the illustration of the main couple that suspiciously had the same hair color as you and Ayato. “Ah, yes, let me read the title out loud. ‘The Nightly Trysts of Hayato and his Lover.’ Hm, a strange title indeed. This ‘Hayato’ character has a similar name and appearance to mine.”

You wanted to cringe at the entire name. Guuji Yae was the one who suggested such an embarrassing title. She said it would attract a more mature audience who enjoyed that sort of fantasy. Ayato maintained his relaxed smile despite reading all of that, and you didn’t like it one bit. It meant he was currently hiding something he knew, and you were too scared to delve into what exactly that was.

“Ah…” You had to keep your calm, even though you wanted to scream into your own pillow right now. If you showed any sort of discomfort or anxiety, your husband would recognize it right away. After all, nothing came past your husband with that sharp mind of his. “Perhaps it’s just a coincidence?”

“Hm, maybe so. Shall I read the summary?”

No. Please, archons, no.

He continued anyway, despite your inner thoughts pleading him not to. He read off the summary on the back of the book with his same laxed voice, detailing a CEO who was currently smitten by his secretary, who starts to avoid him at all costs once she sees him half naked on a business trip. The CEO, frustrated, chased after the secretary and had an erotic time with her in his office.

“It sounds interesting,” you forced a smile on your face.

“Doesn’t it? I started to skim through it whenever I had time off during the day.”

“Oh?” You wanted to cry at this point, a wide smile plastered on your face. He’s noticed. He’s definitely noticed. “Do you like it so far…?”

“It’s surely an interesting read. This male lead named Hayato… The way the author describes him, with light blue hair and light blue eyes and a small mole on his left lower lip…” Ayato’s smile remained the same, although the corner of his eyes crinkle a bit, indicating a more mischievous look. “He sure does sound like me.”

“Haha…” You let out a forced laugh. “Maybe someone is a fan of your appearance.”

“It appears so.” He flipped through the pages casually. “Such a detailed little novel. This author sure does have a penchant for writing erotic scenes.”

“They must be passionate about their work.” You felt like your smile could break your face at this point.

“Mm… The female lead sounds quite familiar as well. Her name is similar to yours.”

“I-is it?”

“Indeed. The same eye and hair color too.”

“Wow. What a huge coincidence!”

He chuckles softly. “My dear, there’s no need to play dumb anymore.”

“Whatever do you mean?” Your voice wavered a bit, but you were committed to it.

“You’re going to keep playing this game? Very well then.” He stood up and took your hand.

“A-Ayato?”

With one fellow swoop, he helped you to stand up. Before you knew it, he led you over to your bedroom, locking the door behind him and guided you to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Let me read out an excerpt I found interesting,” Ayato stated as he looked at the book, although he made small glances at you too while reading. “He pins her down to the bed and kisses her passionately. His blue and white sheets were softer than anything she’s ever felt, but that thought was soon taken away by the force of his lips upon her.” His usually relaxed smile soon morphed into a smirk. “My, I didn’t realize you were such a big fan of our blue and white sheets.”

Without a doubt, the bedsheets in the room you shared had always been blue and white for the last few years. Suddenly, he pinned you down against the sheet, his hand pushing your shoulder gently so you rested back against the bed, just as he had read from the book. And then he simply leaned down to kiss you, his soft lips meshing with yours as you felt yourself melt in his embrace. Your lips came together gently, although there was a playful bounce to his kisses that you did not expect, and soon, his tongue ended up pushing against yours.

He chuckled after he parted away from you, leaving you panting and breathless from the makeout session. “Cat got your tongue, my dear? Or will you finally admit the truth?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about…” Your cheeks grew hotter as he tried to corner you into admitting that you were the author.

“Mm… Sure, you don’t.” His lips made their way to kiss your neck, his tongue hot as he bit and sucked on the skin there. “Did you really feel that lonely that you had to write erotica off of our experiences? Have I not shown you enough attention lately?”

“D-Don’t say that…!” Your voice grew weaker as he teased you, your resolve slowly crumbling the more he kissed you. “You know that’s not the case…!”

“Hehe,” he let out another small chuckle. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered. Tell me, y/n, do you just like our experiences so much that you put it into a novel?”

You gasped as his hands went under your robe, undoing your clothes and caressing your breast through your undergarments. His fingers tease your nipples through your bra, pinching the sensitive bud and flicking it around. You let out small whimpers from the teasing.

“Shall I reenact one of the scenes I was particularly fond of?”

“Please no…” you begged.

“Why not?”

“I-it’s embarrassing.”

“I think it’s endearing that my lovely wife has such vivid fantasies.” He smiled down at you and then started to strip you naked of your clothes. “I could drown in the beauty of your body, my love.” He repeated a line from the novel as he kissed down your neck to your chest.

You let out soft pants as he unraveled your body, his eyes raking every inch as if he hadn’t memorized it all already. He gave your breasts another squeeze, pinching the bare nipple before he slowly dragged it down your rib cage to your lower abdomen before resting right in front of your aching core. It just sat there, his palm digging into your mound as your hips buckled, wanting more and more stimulation.

“Patience, love…” Ayato gave you a calculating smirk as he picked up the book once again and flipped to a bookmarked page. He read off another excerpt. “He buried his face into her pussy, panties on, sniffing and tasting her neediness that drenched through the soft fabric.” Ayato took a finger and ran it gently along your slit, and you did everything you could not to beg him for more despite your legs trembling slightly from anticipation. “My, I didn’t realize my wife had such fantasies about her panties like this. Such a pervert, wanting me to sniff her precious flower like a deranged animal .”

“Mm… n-no, t-that’s not true…” you tried to deny, but your flushed body and face were saying otherwise.

“Such a lewd expression,” he chuckled and crawled down, taking a sniff of your core straight through your underwear. “You smell delightful,” his voice deepened, almost guttural, as his tongue dipped to languidly lick at your clit.

You let out a soft cry, which was like music to his ears. Ayato wanted to laugh in amusement, his own mind twisting into pure sadistic pleasure. Who would’ve known that his own wife would be such a naughty little thing? He savored her taste, enjoying the way she writhed beneath him. With one fluid motion, he pulled her underwear off and sucked at her wet core, kissing and slurping all of her love juices.

Your mind was all fuzzy as pleasure filled your lower region. Your legs wrapped around his head, hips buckling as he ate you out, dipping his tongue into your pussy as deep as he could before taking it out to swirl around your clit. It reminded you of the scene you wrote in the book, and you wonder how committed he was going to be to the scene.

Nevertheless, it seemed like he was going to tease you nonstop until you finally admit that you were the author.

He then pushed a finger into you, stretching out your walls and he admired the way your walls tensed around his digit, how your moans grew louder and louder. One, and then two, he started to pump his fingers, curling them to hit the spot you liked the most whilst his tongue continued flicking against your clit. Your hands made its way to his soft blue hair, and it wasn’t long before you came all over his fingers and lips.

You panted as he took himself out of you, your eyes watching as he licked your juices off his fingers before he positioned his waist in between your legs.

“Are you ready, princess?” His hands undid his pants, taking out his cock as he rubbed the length against your sensitive slit. You just came, after all, so he was getting well lubricated with your juices.

You whined a bit as you needily stuck your arms out, and Ayato chuckled as he bent down to meet your lips. Your arms wrapped around his neck to pull him closer. He kissed you deeply and a bit more rough this time as you felt his cock grinding against your wet, warm pussy. He wanted you so bad, but he also wanted to stay committed to his teasing.

“Mm… Ayato, put it in already…” You scolded him as he continued to grind against you, occasionally slapping the tip of his rock hard cock gently against your clit.

“I don’t think so…” He said after pulling away from your tongue, smirking down at you. He hissed a bit as he continued to rub his length up and down, his other hand making its way to squeeze your breast. “Not until you admit it.”

“Are you seriously still on that?!” You moaned in frustration, wiggling your hips in hopes that he’d just put it inside and fuck you relentlessly to dull the growing ache in your lower abdomen.

“Well, we are following the scene in the novel to the tea. I just want to confirm that you are truly one of the main characters.”

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were so horny for anything that you didn’t care at this point.

“Fine! Fine, yes, I admit it. I wrote the book. Now hurry up!”

Your husband leaned forward, placing a hand beside your head to hold himself up as his other hand started to push his cock in just a bit.

“Hehe, so demanding.” You gasped as he pushed his entire length in you. “And yet, you’re such a good girl.”

His hips slammed into yours, his lips kissing and sucking the skin of your neck. You could only grip him tightly as he fucked you deeply and thoroughly with the only goal to draw out your sweet moans that he loved hearing so much. He grunted as he felt you squeeze around him, taking you over and over until you were crying out his name.

His lips slammed back onto yours, exploring your mouth as his cock pushed in and out. He wanted to leave you as a sputtering mess, until you can’t think of anything else but him and his long, aching hard member.

“You’re such a dirty girl, writing those lewd scenes about us.” He muttered in your ear, hissing as he felt you tightening every time he uttered some dirty words. “Is that your fantasy? Me fucking you hard in my office with my employees outside?” He chuckled as you were too caught up in pleasure to respond. “Hm? Or do you just like the idea of me fucking you wildly out in the open?”

He pushed your legs as far up as he could and he continued to slam down into you.

“Shit…” He cursed, so unlike his normally composed self. You were the only person in this world who could unravel him completely. You, and you alone. “You feel so good, princess…”

The sound of his skin slapping yours filled the room, coupled with your moans and his quiet grunts. He slid in and out of you with ease at this point, stretching you whole. He watched your breasts bounce to his movements and he didn't hesitate to squeeze and play with them as he wished.

He fucked you in different positions, bending you over the bed, on your side with your foot high up in the air and leg over his shoulder. He couldn’t get enough of you, making you cum over and over again before sputtering his own seed deep into your walls, enjoying how you clench and convulse from his cock alone.

“Mm…” He hummed as he kissed your shoulder tenderly, his cock still deep inside you as he finished cumming, drawing out small thrusts as he got the final load out. He could drown in the sound of your moans, and suddenly, he understood the appeal of your erotic novel.

Ayato took himself out of you before collapsing next to you, holding you closely in his arms. He kissed your forehead as you both panted from the heavy exertion before he looked at you with that mischievous smile.

“So was that enough for you to write a sequel?”

#alhaitham is coming nextttt #kamisato ayato x reader #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato smut #kamisato ayato x reader smut #ayato x reader smut #genshin impact smut #it's been a while since i've written anything lol but i was suddenly inspired after reading a smutty webtoon soz if this is cringe

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sysig · 1 day

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Pretty clothes for you! ✨ (Patreon)

#My art #Solanaceae #Satine #Ahh!!! Even with this one being done I'm still so nervous about it somehow!! Haha ♪#It's been so so soooo long since I've participated in an Event that I've forgotten everything I've ever learned or done in one haha #But yes! This is an event piece! DCS put out an art call and I wanted to join and I'm very glad I did! :D #I would consider myself a very casual fan of Solanaceae like it's been way too long since I've reread in earnest but I like to stop by #Lovely art and characters and interesting movement and feelings and problems everyone runs into it's quite cool :D #Satine is probably my favourite of the bunch even if it has been too long since I've properly caught up with everyone!!#I remember always feelings very positive and like - mixed-love? They're complex in a way that I really like #Ahh all the more reason to catch up again! So I can properly express how I feel about Satine /now/ not just partially remembered haha #I'm also just generally a fan of DCS' art style and passion and ah <3 #I don't think I've mentioned it anywhere but DCS was one of my Very Big - maybe even Main inspirations to make VargasLovingHours #And then I also get to draw their pretty lad in Satine! Yes!!#I have a lot to feel thankful for inspiration-wise haha ♥#This was a fun outfit to design :D I really wanted Satine to feel pretty 'cause they are!#A kind of cool pink and scalloping I will always choose scalloping if there is an option for scalloping to be chosen #And I got to bring back a bit of the rainbow-opal look I used for Winter King a bit back as well! :D #And mirrors and sparklies and just - yes! Many good and fun things!!#I do think it's a bit funny since those were supposed to be thought bubbles but then I just - forgot to make the little bubble tails lol #Remembered them on the flowers! But not the thought bubbles! Haha oh well ♪#Does not diminish the cutes or the pretties ♫

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brainrot-of-a-thot · 3 days

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Hi love!!! Just saw your fluff post and I completely get it 😭. I’ll be on a fic reading spree and they’ll be 1 fluff out of 20 smut and Tumblr is more known for smut fics in most fandoms so finding fluff is kinda hard sometimes. If it’s alright, can I request Umemiya, Togame, Choji, Sakura, and Suo (if that’s too many characters than just Umemiya and Togame are fine!!) with an adhd reader?? And how they’d be like in a relationship with her?? Sometimes it’s hard to imagine my fictional faves being able to love someone like me so pls go all out on the fluff 😭🙏🏼.

- ⭐️

adhd no justsu: numbnut style [hajime u., choji t., jo t.]

they love your hyper, bubbly, and forgetful lil’ self.

a/n: okay nonnie yes!! I believe I got a similar request about adhd!reader awhile back (I’m so sorry it got lost in the flood) and I fell in love with it! as someone who also has adhd it warms my heart to imagine the boys loving me despite it ;w;

wc: 1.6k

note: title is inspired by a conversation I had with @hell-hoound a bit ago (babes I cackled when you said this I just—)

c/w: fem!reader, adhd!reader, fluff, adhd symptoms (dissociation, hyperfocus, forgetfulness, disorganization, bouncing thoughts, chattering, anxiety, allusions to masking, impulsivity.) just boys loving you for you babes~

↳ hajime umemiya.

↳ the first thing that stuck out the most to umemiya was just how disorganized you were. it wasn’t something he ever pointed out, just something he mentally noted. in general, your book bag was always stuffed full — of course, there were things in there that you needed, but other things that umemiya was pretty sure you wouldn’t need yet you insisted you would at some point; sketchpads that you never really pulled out, unsharpened pencils shoved into the very bottom of your bag, even some erasers that seemed to have been plucked out of the ends of pencils sometimes rolled out when you dropped your bag. you had a pair of glasses in there that you never even touched. along with this, it seemed you always had trouble finding what you actually needed due to the disorganization within the bag.

↳ you’re a hoarder — umemiya realized that quickly. you were a bit hesitant to allow him into your room at first, and when he walked in, he understood immediately why you were hesitant; you had a closet stuffed full of clothes that umemiya had never even seen you wear, with some articles even appearing to maybe be too small for you, as if you’d worn them back in middle school. much like the contents of your book bag, there were pencils practically spilling out of multiple storage containers. nothing seemed to have a particular place within your room — random objects where stored together, even those that had no real correlation with one another; an old lava lamp sat atop a pile of rather used-looking notebooks within a small cupboard in your closet.

↳ umemiya couldn’t help but feel it reflected your personality quite well — but not in a bad way. you typically couldn’t hold on to a singular thought, and your points of interest bounced around a lot; but umemiya found that truly adorable. he’d always had a thing for girls who were a bit on the air-headed side, those who seemed to get lost in the clouds easy — they were generally always positive and optimistic, which was something that umemiya loved to surround himself with.

↳ you had apologized profusely to him for the mess; you did so with a wobbly lip and eyes that glistened ever so slightly, and in that instant umemiya couldn’t help but pull you into his arms and hug you. he didn’t mind your room being the way it was — it was part of who you were, a reflection of yourself, and in its own way, it was endearing.

↳ umemiya occasionally offers to help you organize your room — you agree exuberantly to this, and during the process, you seem to be legitimately having fun; though, it does tend to take a few hours, because it’s difficult for you to finish one section at a time. you bounce around a lot in that aspect; you’ll forget all about organizing the books on your shelf and jump over to organize your closet by color — then back to the books before zipping over to clean the junk from beneath your bed. umemiya doesn’t mind it — he just loves seeing you smiling and content whilst being yourself.

↳ umemiya finds it absolutely cute when, during the organization, you happen to find an object that had been hidden in the mess and immediately light up at the sight of it. you’d forgotten all about it, and seeing it again makes you want to interact with it. and so you do. sometimes for a few minutes, sometimes for a whole hour. it puts off the progression; but umemiya doesn’t mind that at all. after all, it just means he gets to witness you like this for longer.

↳ the organization never lasts. within a week, umemiya will enter your room only to find it as disorganized as it was before the two of you had worked together to organize it. you apologize to him every time, feeling legitimately guilty because he’d spent so much time helping you; but umemiya assures you that it’s perfectly okay. because it is — he would reorganize your room with you a thousand times over.

↳ choji tomiyama.

↳ you know when you’re just chilling with someone and they start getting really excited about something so they start to vibrate, bounce, and/or become increasingly louder? essentially just stimming from excitement? and then that excitement of theirs just starts to soak into you, and before you know it you’re super excited about something that you know absolutely nothing about but you just can’t help but get excited too? yeah, that’s you and choji.

↳ this particular event is reversible.

↳ when the two of you are together you share literally one brain cell. and you use that one brain cell to love and hype the shit out of each other.

↳ hyped dates. none of that movie binging or restaurant cruising. nope, you bet your asses are going to arcades, skating rinks, laser tag, paint ball fights, amusement parks, haunted houses, etc.

↳ this is choji’s preferred style of date, but if you’re overstimulated or not really in the mood for big crowds and loud noises, choji will take you out for a night under the stars — with spray paint. the two of you will cruise from building to building decorating the walls with varying pieces of art while vibing to music and each other. choji notoriously paints large, phallic shapes in the general viewing vicinity.

↳ you never get on choji’s nerves — when your thoughts are bouncing around and you can’t keep a straight one, choji still listens to you so intently with the softest, purest look on his face. he just loves hearing your voice and getting that smallest glimpse into what spins around in your brain.

↳ the two of you have created your own language that only you guys can understand; it consist of very few words and a multitude of noises.

↳ choji completely respects your states of hyper focus. he notices the signs immediately, and the normally exuberant, vibrant, loud boy will fall silent — he will simply watch you with the most loving, awestruck smile on his face while you consume yourself with your task.

↳ choji will talk you through dissociation. not in the way where he will say things such as “it’s okay, you’re going to be okay” but with random things. the time he pissed togame off when he didn’t bring a ramune bottle back to the store to recycle it. the time he sprained his ankle while trying to climb to the top of a tree. that really cool new amusement park that just opened has tons of american-inspired food trucks, and he can’t wait to take you there. his phallic masterpiece was scrubbed off that office building. he talks about random things, and somehow, it pulls you back into reality; and he’s waiting there with a wide smile and even wider arms when you come back to yourself.

↳ jo togame.

↳ togame had initially thought of you as a shy, introverted and reserved person upon meeting you. you were never rude, or aggressive; but you didn’t talk very often, and when in conversation, you preferred to let the other person lead the direction of it. sometimes, he would catch you biting your lip (sometimes even hard) in the middle of someone’s sentence. he couldn’t help but feel that in the moments you did that, it was because you really wanted to say something.

↳ it wasn’t until a month after you’d started dating that togame realized his hunch was right — as you grew more comfortable around him, the real you began to slip out; and it became painfully obvious that for a long time, you’d been masking who you truly were.

↳ togame has plenty of experience being interrupted (thanks to choji), so the first time you did so — you had interrupted him by blurting out something about the weird bug you swore you just saw — togame wasn’t bothered by it at all; but your eyes went wide and your mouth popped open, as if you were mortified by what you’d just done.

↳ togame didn’t understand why you were so affected; but when you began apologizing profusely with tears brimming in your eyes, he realized that you must have had some pretty bad prior experiences with this. it made his heart ache. you were such a kind, gentle soul; and he was sure to tell you this, and to assure you that he didn’t mind it.

↳ of course, that didn’t stop you from trying your hardest to avoid interrupting him — and on the times that you did, you always apologized — but with time and patience, togame made you feel secure and safe enough to drop the mask.

↳ and it was such a beautiful thing to see.

↳ togame couldn’t help but liken it to watching a flower slowly bloom — and it was something that mesmerized him. he began to see every part of you — the part of you that simply couldn’t sit still, who, when walking next to him, preferred to grab his hand and play with his fingers to keep your own busy. the part of you that could talk for hours about things you were fixated on. the part of you who no longer looked ashamed when you started to stim, but rather looked comfortable in who were. that you accepted it because you knew togame accepted you and loved you.

↳ you felt safe enough to let all of you be loved by togame; and so he did love you. wholly and fully and unapologetically. everything about you was simply perfect — and he was intent on reminding you of that every day.

hey babes!! so, I am thinking about making a part 2 of this, because there are so many symptoms of adhd (so many that weren’t explored here) that I’d love to explore more!! I’m thinking maybe with kaji, sakura, and suo, but if you have any characters you’d like to see instead, let me know!!

#⭐️#wind breaker #wind breaker x reader #jo togame x reader #hajime umemiya x reader #choji tomiyama x reader

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picnokinesis · 2 days

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Thoughts on Different Types of Representation in Doctor Who (and how fandom responds to it)

So I watched Rogue last night and - okay first, oh my days, absolutely ADORED it, this is definitely my favourite episode of this season, it was just so much FUN and it hooked me right from the start. And then the queerness! I was actually thinking to myself whilst watching it how wonderful it was because it felt like a queer story in a way that wasn't like, showboating about how progressive it was? [editorial aside: this is not comparing it to anything in particular, just a general observation]. The characters were just queer, within this wild and wonderful sci-fi story, but also their queerness wasn't the Only Character Trait they had and their story didn't resolve around their queerness, but their queerness was crucial to the plot in a way that was just lovely to see - and as a writer myself, it's personally the way I love to see our stories being told.

But then I made the mistake of going into the tag - always a foolish thing to do, because for some reason everyone loves to praise this era by criticising the previous era (as if it hasn't been criticised enough...like we know most of y'all hate Chris Chibnall for committing no worse crimes than Moffat and RTD before him...we know). And I found a couple of folks talking about how this episode alone did more for queer representation than the entirety of thirteen's era, whiiiiich at first really Peeved Me Off - like didn't these people understand how important Yaz's arc (especially Eve of the Daleks) was to a LOT of people? But then I was like 'well actually this is interesting', right? Because I think there's two very different kinds of representation going on here - and they're both very important in different ways, but one tends to get lauded as brilliant rep and one always gets put down as not good enough, or even bad rep. And what's the main difference? Whether the characters have a gay kiss or not.

So I just thought I'd share some of my thoughts and feelings on this, and why I think both these kinds of rep are equally important! To be clear from the get-go though - this is definitely not me ragging on anyone who likes more about one than the other (in fact, I think everyone likes one more than the other). This is merely a personal essay about it and the frustrations that comes when people in general do lift one up over the other. I'm gonna put it under the cut though, because it might get a bit long!

So, back when Eve of the Daleks aired, I remember having a lot of conversations about the representation in that episode - in particular with a very good friend of mine, who is a lesbian. And we realised that when it came to rep, we both actually wanted pretty different things. I'm aroace and genderfluid, and so a lot of what I saw in how thirteen was written - especially in terms of her gender (or lack thereof), and also her apparent lack of attraction (at least, in how I read it) was just incredibly affirming to me. I've never EVER seen a character on screen that I could see myself in both in terms of sexuality and gender. Whereas my friend saw things quite differently - thirteen was a lesbian, and they wanted to see that kiss between these two characters, because for them too, it was so rare to see that, and, in their words, they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. And we both realised that the reason that queer representation can feel so intense and important is, simply, because there isn't enough of it. We're all desperately reaching for the same small portion - and none of it is ever going to please everyone, or resonate with everyone. The stakes are too high.

So then, when there wasn't this dramatic romantic ending to Yaz's story, when there was no queer kiss, I was very sad for my friend, who didn't get that representation, but so painfully relieved for myself - because I got mine. So then it sucked a lot to see a lot of people getting really angry that this wasn't queer representation, that this was even homophobic - I even had someone tell me that aromantic representation in this regard was always going to be homophobic, because no-one would ever write it to be aro rep, and would instead only ever write it to avoid writing a gay kiss. And the thing that got me the most was that, REGARDLESS of whether they kissed or not, regardless of how you read either of the characters, there was one thing that was certain:

Yaz was queer. In text. Her emotional plotline centred around her realising that she was attracted to the Doctor (who was presenting as a woman - although, again, I don't think she really identified as such). The fact that she and the Doctor didn't get together by the end does not erase that fact.

They didn't kiss - but so what? Are queer people only queer when they're kissing someone of the same gender, or having gay sex? Are queer people not queer in their day to day lives, when they're not doing any of those things? Are queer people not queer when they're not dating? Are queer people not queer when they're trans, when they're ace, when they're aro, when their queerness doesn't resolve around attraction to the same gender?

And, to be honest, I think a lot of my feelings around this stem from the sort of exclusionist rhetoric that we saw a LOT of towards the ace/aro community back in 2012 that we still see now, that we're seeing towards the trans community now, that we're still seeing towards bi people, for pete's sake. It's this in-community infighting, pushing each other down to try and get up to the top, to keep all the "resources" for "the people who really need it", and it causes a serious amount of harm - but the truth is (and to bring this back to doctor who) that it all comes back to what me and my friend were discussing. We're all scared, all desperate to be seen - and when we are seen, it's the most incredible experience and the idea of losing that (or having someone else undermine it) feels inexpressibly awful. Having the thirteenth doctor...I suddenly realised this is what all the straight cis white dudes get all the time. She was like me, and that was indescribable. And then losing her - and having RTD not even be able to have a man wear her clothes because he was too worried about what the tabloids would say to be able to show a gnc person on tv...and then constantly described her as The Woman Doctor for the next entire episode - that hurt. A lot.

I've spoken to other friends who felt so seen in the character of Yaz - those people who realised they were queer later in life, those who fall in love with people and it doesn't end up going anywhere, those who don't get the whirlwind queer romances that people often call 'good representation'. Myself and many of my aspec friends have felt so seen in thirteen's almost entirely romance-less arc, and myself and my trans/genderqueer friends felt very seen in the way that thirteen's character would have been exactly the same if she'd been a man - the only difference was how the other characters around her interacted with her. Gender was something that happened to her. And when I watch episodes like Rogue, even though I don't relate to that representation, I just feel overwhelmed with joy because I know how important it will be to others that I care about. I think my sadness then comes from the fact that the way Thirteen and Yaz were written are just as important to me and many people that I know, but because they didn't kiss, it's not considered queer enough. Am I not queer enough, then? Are my friends not queer enough?

We need more episodes like Rogue, like The Parting of Ways, like Praxeus, like The Doctor Falls, because they are unquestionably and unapologetically queer, in a way that can't be avoided. We also need more episodes like Eve of the Daleks, like The Haunting of the Villa Diodati, like the rest of thirteen's era where the representation is an undercurrent throughout the whole story - but also undeniable, in a way that Yaz's story arc is, even if it doesn't end in a kiss, even if it doesn't end neatly and happily. Personally, I definitely would love to see more stories focused on aromanticism and on transness (especially ones that are written by trans people for trans people, rather than by cis people for cis people), but that's probably going to be down to people like me and other writers that I know actually getting into the script writing industry - and that depends on the people who are already there letting us in. One thing that I've always appreciated about Chibnall is that, after leaving Doctor Who, he began a programme for training up new showrunners with ITV, because: "showrunners are the gatekeepers and too many of the gatekeepers look like me."

Anyway, I probably have more thoughts that I've forgotten, but that's generally the gist of it. I think the more we fight over whether rep is 'good' or 'bad', relating to whether we see ourselves in it or not (rather than 'is this genuinely harmful or unhelpful', which I think is a more crucial question) the more the waters get muddied. We have different needs and wants, and no single episode is going to represent every facet of our community. But each episode, each story like this is a step in the right direction - and even rep that isn't perfect (I have thoughts about The Star Beast, for example) is still extremely positive and important, and definitely something that should be celebrated, even as we keep looking to the future for what we would like to see done differently, done better. And some day, I hope, there'll be so much queer rep, it'll be so normal, that those stakes won't feel so high anymore. It won't feel like everything hangs on how a certain show or storyline or episode is written. We'll all be seen. And that will be absolutely fantastic.

#taka rambles #doctor who #fifteenth doctor #doctor who spoilers #dw rogue #ncuti gatwa #the doctor #fifteen #lgbt+#queer #so to be clear BOTH KINDS OF REP ARE IMPORTANT BOTH ARE GOOD #WE NEED BOTH #and some people will like one more than the other #the issue I have is when people act like one kind is lesser #anyway!!#really REALLY loved this episode #i also have a lot of thoughts about like...queer characters being mentioned in the background?#I think that's cool and important but it's frustrating when that's the only rep we get #half formed characters in the background who get mentioned once #i think fundamentally that the aro/ace/trans/genderqueer crowd (sweeping generalisation incoming)#need different things to the wlw/mlm crowd #which is not a bad thing until people start acting like one is more important than the other #they're both important!#and in fact there are people who fall into both categories so SKSKS

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ladyloveandjustice · 2 days

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Yuri Manga for New (AND Not-So-New) Readers

I was talking on discord about some good yuri for beginners, and figured I'd repost here.

I get way more detailed some of these recommendations in this post, and there's great recs from another person too! Check it out!

I'm doing this accounting to various tones and tastes, so what works as a beginner yuri for one person might not for another, just read the info to figure out what your jam is.

I'll put a star by the ones about adults (which is the majority of them) since I've found that's always something people want.

Goodbye my Rose Garden (Victorian yuri w/ beautiful art, just beautiful all around)*

How Do We Relationship? (messy adult relationships and lots of actually realistic intimacy)*

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat- (A woman loves to cook but doesn’t have a huge appetite, only to find the woman next door to her does! She cooks for her and they really start to bond over food and the trials of being working adults. Yes, this is the one where the woman googles lesbian. It's really good)*

Bloom into You- a common go-to yuri for beginners for a reason, about a girl who believes she can't fall in love meeting a girl who wants to date her specifically BECAUSE she can't fall in love. Find out more about it and hear my thoughts here. It has a gorgeous anime that doesn't cover the complete story.

Doughnuts Under the Crescent Moon (sweet office lady romance, ace rep) *

Catch These Hands! (These two women were delinquents and rivals in high school, they meet up again, one reveals she was always into the other, she challenges her to a fight on the condition that if the other woman loses she'll date her. Lots of slapsticky fun and great for any lover of girl delinquents)*

Run away with me, Girl (there's some abuse shown in this one, but it's a story about healing, the premise is these girls dated in high school, but one of the pressured herself "normal" and marry a man, that man turns out to be abusive, so when the former lovers reunite, they decide to run away together. It's got beautiful art and a well done story)*

The Moon on a Rainy Night (absolutely spectacular, explores the relationship between a hard of hearing girl and her closeted classmate, the characters are complex and the writing is so good!)

Kase-san And...- Starting with Kase-san and the Morning Glories, this is a very fluffy and sweet high school romance. It also has a short movie. (as the manga goes on they become college students, too)

The Two of Them Are Pretty Much Like This (slice of life about a voice actress and anime screenwriter who live together as a couple. Unfortunately the ending is a bit abrupt (and likely premature) but I love their relationship)*

My fave Otherside Picnic is great for scifi and (mild) horror lovers. It's Scifi creepypasta adventure yuri. It's a slow burn but does truly spectacularly deliver on the gay. Has an anime, it's not great, you should start with the novels. Wrote an article here. https://www.animefeminist.com/how-otherside-picnic-masterfully-uses-horror-to-explore-abuse-and-show-healing-queer-love/ *(v young adults, college students)

The Guy She was Interested in Wasn't a Guy at All: (A web manga about a girl who works at a record shop. Her classmate , Aya, wanders in but doesn't recognize her because she has her hair hidden with a hat and is wearing a face mask, and Aya assumes she's a guy. They bond over music and slowly start to get closer...and Aya's finds her heart is fluttering not only over this mysterious boy, but her female classmate that seems a lot like him...) It's going to get a physical release soon.

I Married my Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up (girl and her friend get married simply so her parents will stop bugging her about being single. You can probably guess where it goes from there) *

I Married my Female Friend (similar premise, except no parents involved, it's a platonic marriage they both agreed to with the promise they'll divorce if one of them falls in love. But one woman has decidedly not platonic feeling for the other that she's hiding from her, so It will likely turn romantic, it hasn't all come out here yet so I haven't finished it)*

Monthly in the Garden with my Landlord* (it didn't really hit with me but I might give it a shot again, it's solid despite the terrible title, a woman moves into a house and finds she'll be cohabitating with an idol) (Some more titles I haven't fully read that could appeal: After Hours*, Still Sick*, Cheerful Amnesia*)

My Cute Little Kitten (two roommates adopt a cat...and maybe fall in love?)*

I think all of those work as solid intro- though it does depend on what flavor you're looking for!

This article also covers some of these recs and some manga I didn't mention due to not having completely read it. so check it out: The Beginners Guide to Yuri Manga.

Here's some titles to try when you're a little more familiar with yuri (or you can try them now! I'm not your boss!)

SHWD (action yuri that's taking forever to come out over here physically, featuring extremely muscular women fighting monsters. I think it was forced to end prematurely too)*

Kiss and White Lily for my Dearest Girl: (I'm only three volumes in, but it's really enjoyable. The main storyline is about two academic rivals, where one is determined to rank first in class, and the other is an effortless genius who becomes intrigued at the possibility of someone beating her. Honestly they have the kind of messy combative sexual tension I wish we'd see more often in yuri because it's so good. The story follows other couples too. However, big warning for some nonconsensual kisses in the first volume at least).

Sweet Blue Flowers/Aoi Hana- (This one is a little bit dated, and boy is the ending weirdly paced, but a lot still holds up imo. A painful and sweet coming of age tale, it also has an anime that's good but ends too soon.

One teenage characters backstory involves incestuous (older cousin) the perpetrator of which pulls the "oh no did I turn you gay? thing" but it's definitely framed as a bad thing. )

Yuri is My Job- a story about messy lesbians in a yuri-themed cafe, and how their real relationships differ from the personas they put on. Read more about it here. Big warning for sexual assault of a minor (by an adult villain) in volume 12. Has an anime covering early material.

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secondbeatsongs · 3 days

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Hello, you said in some tags in a poll that Speed Racer (2008) is your favorite film. If you’re okay with it, I’d really like to hear more about why you love it. I love the Wachowskis’ work (they’re among my favorite directors), but I kinda ended up bouncing off Speed Racer (2008). So, hearing that it had a real impact on someone makes me very curious why. I’m not interested in criticizing your opinion or arguing with you, I’d just really like to know why you love it in the hopes I might be able to enjoy that movie more in the future.

oh god this is from seven months ago, I'm so sorry - but I do love almost everything about Speed Racer (2008) and I still think about it nearly every day.

I love that it's so bright and colorful and absurd. I love that it's an anime in live action form. and I love that at its heart, it is a story about love.

it's about the mistakes people make out of love, and the consequences of that. it's about the way children grow to understand why the adults around them make the choices they do, and maybe choose to do the same things. it's about taking risks for the people you love, and the pain of failing to change the world, because everything is capitalism and everything hurts.

(and it's also about being transgender btw. like, that's one of the main things about it - it is very much a movie about being transgender)

what if your father's choices hurt your older brother, and your older brother's choices hurt you, and now it's you and your younger brother staring down a future where you're going to end up hurting him by making the same choice?

and then...what if you can escape that? what if the broken parts put themselves back together, and the hope doesn't run out, and you're not alone with the things that haunt you? what then?

and now you're at the end and mistakes were still made, people were still hurt, but everyone's grown and changed and they're different now. and they've figured out that maybe, just maybe, you can change the world by doing something you love, by creating art and beauty and making people feel things.

maybe you really can defeat capitalism by driving a car really fast. and even if everyone thinks you can't...don't you have to try anyway? shouldn't you fight with the skills you have, the only way you know how?

what if it works?

and I'm not even gonna get into most of the Racer X stuff (because I want people to go watch this movie, and most folks probably won't be spoiled for it), but his whole deal is just...everything. I love him.

(if there's a guy from Speed Racer that I want to put in a jar and shake every so often, or maybe wrap in a blanket so he can have a nice nap, it's Racer X. he's a great character. prime blorbo material)

anyway I've been rotating this movie in my head ever since I saw it for the first time, and I think I've seen it...seven? times now? and I still cry at the final race, and I still get blown away by the intro sequence.

(the beginning of the movie is genuinely one of the best things I've ever seen - it does an amazing job of introducing you to the world and the story of the characters, and gets you emotionally invested in it right from the start. it's fantastic filmmaking)

also like. story stuff aside, from a technical standpoint, the movie is a masterpiece. it's the type of thing that people hated when it first came out, but when you look at it now and see how it was made, how it intentionally looks bizarre and cartoonish, plastic and surreal, you can see the exact vision the Wachowskis were going for, and it's brilliant.

the way they did the visual effects, the way they made the outdoor scenes feel so detailed, the way the driving and the tracks work - they put so much thought into that, and the behind-the-scenes vids show how cool their process was.

also uhhh cars go vroom, crash into each other, flip upside down, explode, maybe have bees and hammers in them sometimes?

(the above is me complimenting the unhinged vibe of the races themselves, which I love very much)

anyway I could make other full posts about the script of the film and how much I love it, or the cool side characters, or the fanfic potential of the amazing world of the film, or how I can prove that it's set in 1991...but I guess if anyone wants those rants, they'll just have to watch the film and then come talk to me. :)

(please. please come talk to me about Speed Racer.)

so, yeah! I kinda lost my mind there and made this post way longer than I intended, but I do feel strongly affected by this movie, and I hope this has helped explain why.

#asks #crescentwench #speed racer #speed racer (2008)#speed racer 2008 #the wachowskis #my beloved #also it's important for anyone who hasn't seen the movie or cartoon to know #the main guy. his name is Speed Racer #first name Speed last name Racer #also the movie has vague found family vibes because Sparky and Trixie are here and are a part of this family #don't worry about it. they belong here #and so does chim-chim #he's their youngest child #and also a chimpanzee #sbs rambles #long post

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bengiyo · 23 hours

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Love Sea: Tongrak is Kind of an Asshole, and I Like It

I watched this yesterday with some friends, so my Stray Thoughts were a little scattered because we were talking about BL conventions, Thailand's tourism goals, and who MAME was. Now, with some time to think, I wanna talk about my favorite thing: Tongrak is a rich asshole. I love this for Fort and Peat.

He Looks Down on People Poorer Than Him

We open with Tongrak dressed inappropriately for his trip and the weather, whining on his phone, just to show his disdain for even being sent on this vacation.

Then when he first arrives on the island, he looks around at people enjoying themselves and a sign they dedicated to their home reading "Heaven on Earth" and immediately called it hell. This is these people's home! He is a guest! I deal with this show in my home city all the time. Be respectful!

Next, the first thing he does is start shouting at Mahasamut about the motorcycle and his luggage. He doesn't slow down to ask if Mut can speak the central dialect, or if there are alternative modes of transport. Instead he just screams at the man and then starts talking shit in front of him like he can't understand what is being said. I give Americans shit for doing this in other countries, and I give northerners shit for acting like they can't understand our accents down here along the Gulf.

He was rude about that bar, too. He went there for attention, and got pissed at the idea that people there might be into Mut more.tjsn him. He then stormed off without paying for his drink!

This man is so stubborn and petty that he literally just starts sending him thousands of baht instead of just asking him to speak in the same dialect as him. I'm totally with Mut on not speaking to him nicely until Tongrak did it first. What's so wild about this scene is that it's text that Rak is mad that his condescension is having no effect.

Mahasamut is Responding to Tongrak's Energy

Mut is just responding to what Rak is giving him, and is doing everyone a favor by bearing the brunt of this spoiled man's fits. He was even kind enough to let this man know right away that he could understand him.

The big thing for me is he can see when Rak is trying to get one over on him and turns that around. Rak tried to play like he had the upper hand sexually and felt played. He tried to play about being full and got played.

We see that the people of the island admire Tongrak, and he's involved in their lives. He's clearly playing a role here that Rak's friends hired him to play to help their cranky friend relax and finish his book.

I also like that Mut has made it clearly he is down to fuck with Rak whether he pays for it or not, because Rak is trying to hook up with someone for inspiration for his novel. I like that he removed the wealth component there, because it's clear Rak is used to throwing money at all of his problems.

Finally, Mut stopped immediately when he realized he'd actually scared and upset Rak. He doesn't actually want to hurt this man.

Why This Rocks for Peat and Fort

These two found a good rhythm in Love in the Air. They're good at this form of asymmetric bickering and flirtation. However, this time Peat gets to play the older, richer character. It's fun for me, because I think there's going to be a bunch of transference from LITA that covers how much of a jerk Rak is being to others.

I am glad that these two aren't reprising the same characters, and are being given a reasonable way to take advantage of their existing dynamic and tools. It's interesting that these guys can tap into similar beats without it feeling like the same characters.

On the Colorism

I see it, and it's there. However, I don't think MAME is an outlier in using it in her shows. There's a really rough sequence in Fish Upon The Sky (with Neo no less) that comes to mind immediately. I also just think that the skin tone stuff seems built in to a lot of the works we encounter (especially considering that some of these guys are literally brand ambassadors for skin lightening products or clinics). I think there's something to say about the way Mut is teasing Rak with a country bumpkin bit that could almost be read as race play, and there's maybe something to unpack there with far more nuance than I think we normally bring to BL.

But hey, while I have you here, now's a good time to say that if we want to tackle how race affects the queer experience, For The Boys is right there!

#Ben writes #love sea #love sea the series #bl meta #thai bl #bl series

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save-the-villainous-cat · 3 days

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Hi! I have a request, i hope it's not too specific or silly! How about an ace character that finds a fellow ace? Could be a villain that keeps flirting and when the hero tells them they don't want anything spicy villain is like 'Oh yeah no I'm ace too, just like teasing you :3'

Regardless of whether you answer or not, i hope you have a wonderful day!!

For better or for worse, the date they were on was rather pleasant.

It had been a trap the villain had prepared which was in retrospect a little bit too obvious. Their nemesis had lured the hero out of their messy apartment with a single note - a warning that quite a few hostages were waiting for them at one of the most expensive restaurants in town.

Without hesitation, the hero had rushed to the address but once the hero had opened the door, it was rather clear that no one was in danger. Instead, the hero got some judging looks from fancy folks when they had thrown open the door, panting.

The villain had looked rather amused when their gazes had met. It was the kind of embarrassment that burnt itself into the hero's brain. A memory that would pop up whenever they tried to fall asleep. It was so bad, in fact, that they considered turning on their heel and leave all together but the villain was too quick.

They raised a glass, their smile crooked.

And the hero felt obligated to walk up to them, now that curious looks were jumping from the hero to the villain.

"You could have told me to wear something nice," the hero hissed as they sat down.

"You look great in everything," the villain purred. Their eyes wandered up and down the hero. "Even in sweatpants."

"You flatter me."

"I'm stating a fact."

The hero took in a deep breath. Their heart was still banging against their rib cage violently. They lowered their voice.

"Why am I here?"

"Because you're gullible?" The villain swayed their wineglass in one hand.

"That's not what I mean."

"Because you're the city's sweet saviour who will always help the poor and innocent?" The hero didn't really know why the villain was toying with them like this. Clearly, there was an ulterior motive behind this. There always was.

Mostly, it was scheme after scheme with them. It was true that the hero was rather fond of them but they'd rather cut their arm off than admit that.

"You know I don't have much time on my hands," the hero said. "So whatever you want from me, make it quick."

For a moment, the villain didn't say anything and exactly that gave the hero enough time to truly look at them. Apparently, they had taken their sweet time to get ready for this date. The hero didn't know how to interpret that. Maybe it was the overall atmosphere of the restaurant or maybe the villain really cared about other's perception of them. The hero couldn't tell.

"I guess there is your answer. I thought it would be nice to spoil you a little," the villain said. "My little workaholic."

Oh, shit.

To say the hero started panicking internally was an understatement. They liked the villain, really liked them. Maybe even more than that.

And the villain seemed to have similar feelings for them.

The hero swallowed.

It had taken them quite a lot of bargaining, denial and a great deal of sadness to realise that they weren't interested in anything sexual. It had taken them a lot of time to come to terms with it. Back then, they had felt guilty for feeling the way they did. Often, they had wondered if there was something wrong with them. If it was just them who felt like this.

It was an almost obsessive fear of exclusion that had infiltrated their mind. It was exhauting to explain their own feelings over and over again and sometimes, they had even forced themselves to go beyond their boundaries.

On some nights, they had lain in bed awake, asking themselves if it was fair to be this way. To never be able to fully give back and love a partner that way. They had lost enough people they had been interested in romantically because of this. It was always the same stupid cycle. Always the same brainless questions that didn't help nor comfort them.

The hero was a different person now. They were much more confident but losing the villain that way wasn't only awkward, it was also a little heartbreak all over again.

"Listen..." the hero said. "I appreciate all of this. You're very sweet."

They dug their nails into their palms. Most people didn't understand. Most people said they were totally fine with it and still, they distanced themselves in the end. It used to make the hero angry but above all, it used to make them very sad.

"But, you know, I'm ace, so. Well, yeah, I...you probably know what that means but if you don't, uhm..."

Suddenly, something lit up behind the villain's eyes.

"Yeah?" The villain smiled. It wasn't a grin. It wasn't a smirk. It was a sweet, lovely smile.

"Huh?"

"You're ace?" they asked. Again, the hero swallowed. They looked down at the still empty dinner plate. It seemed like they had been in here for hours now, even though it had been mere minutes.

"...yeah."

"Me too," the villain said softly and the hero couldn't tell if this was some cruel joke or if this was a genuine gift from the universe. This meant no explaining, no stupid questions. No lost relationship, no arguments over this...For the first time in their life, they felt excited after coming out.

"What? Really? But the flirting and the-"

"I love messing with you, you know that," the villain said, winking. They took a sip of their wine. "And I meant what I said. You need to relax. You need someone to take care of you, even if that someone has to use some questionable methods to get you out of your apartment."

The hero stared at them, almost drunk on happiness.

"Thank you," the hero whispered.

"What a silly thing to say, darling," the villain responded.

Both would return to the restaurant several times after.

Hungry for more.

#m-m-me when someone requests asexual characters -> YIPPIE YIPPIE YIPPIE #cannot believe there is a ratatouille reference in here #writing snippets #heroxvillain snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroes and villains #hero #villain #heroxvillain #hero x villain #request #an answer for an ask #ace #happy slay month #I need to change that tag so badly its so cringe #asexuality #asexual hero #asexual villain

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glacierclear · 21 hours

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If it's alright to ask, you mentioned in her bio that Otherday had a skewed and flawed impression on Selûnite worship. Can you please elaborate on that? Does Otherday not worship like other Selûnites? Does she not understand Selûne the moon goddess entirely?

(disclaimer: i have a pretty surface-level understanding of d&d religions and cultures, this is mostly based off what i can glean from baldur's gate in my time playing.)

otherday was born and raised in the underdark. she was neither seldarine nor lolth-sworn. she was abandoned by her birth parents for reasons unknown to her and was raised by a colony of myconid. as a kid, she'd explore on her own and stumbled on an old, dilapidated selunite outpost (similar to the one you find in-game, if not the same one) and was fascinated by the old journals/texts, artifacts and selunite symbology.

she could basically figure out that they worshiped the moon and someone named selune. and she picked up the basic teachings of acceptance and tolerance, and the mindset of being self-sufficient and humble.

her idea of a "moon" was a little off the rails. having never seen the sky, she figured the giant white circle she saw in all the murals WAS selune, and the depictions of the pretty white haired lady was just a different person. maybe they were friends, too, since every selunite loved having friends in her eyes.

and obviously, she has no idea what a "nightsong" or a "nightsinger" is. she's seen vague mentions of these things and probably thought selunites really just loved music. which made sense to her. even her myconid family loved to dance! all nice people must just be really good at dancing and singing.

most of her misconceptions are bizarre and goofy but ultimately harmless. i want to brainstorm more small misunderstandings because the idea is very silly to me.

she's a pacifist, and will aid and help anyone (even if it's the stupid/wrong choice to do so) and sees it less as a "religion" and more of a "family". she has no interest in spreading the faith or converting potential followers. she just never shuts up about how pretty the moon is and will be friends with anyone. the most intimate way to bond with her is stargazing under the full moon with her.

most notably, she has almost no understanding of the complicated history between selune and shar. she holds no stigma against sharrans and, in that same vein, is confused when sharrans react negatively towards her outward passion towards selune.

it's like rain on glass to her, though. she has the mental fortitude of a cinder block and takes almost no insult to her "religion" or character to heart.

#oc #otherday #asks

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bonefall · 6 hours

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Thoughts on Wasp? I like the idea of cats joining that turn out that the Clans aren’t great… but also it feels… weird? Like it seems like another “lazy cat bad” on some levels. I don’t mind him not joining the Clans but these “outsider learns they’re not fit for the Clans” things always give me a pause from the Erins. Also interested in how you would handle him!

Moonkitti's video on him is really well worded, if you haven't seen it yet. I do think he's different from the way that other books tend to portray outsiders in that they are saying that he was driven away by the xenophobia of the Clans... but.

They still make him extremely disinterested in Clan life while he's in ThunderClan. I think that was a massive blunder to write, if the thing they're trying to say is "XENOPHOBIA PREVENTS OTHERWISE ENTHUSIASTIC MIGRATION"

It would have hit harder if it was Wafflepaw who tried to run to RiverClan, got assaulted, and then didn't want to be a Clan cat anymore.

Wafflepaw WANTS to be a warrior. Wasp did not. It reads more like Wasp getting hate crime'd was a "last straw" more than THE reason why he won't stay.

That's where you're getting that vibe they're saying "lazy cat bad," imo. It's a bit different from usual, but it still seems like the narrative is saying that Wasp really didn't belong here anyway.

(no, Nightheart's moment where he looks at the camera and says "he could have been fine!" doesn't change that they showed, in their text, with the actions they wrote, that Wasp was not enjoying being part of the Clans anyway. If that was their intended thesis, their writing was sloppy.)

It feels especially weird that Bee didn't go with Frostpaw. Bee was the character with a lot more setup and that strange dream. A lot of people were confusing Bee and Wasp when the book first came out and I don't blame them.

Most importantly, you can't talk about Wasp without also mentioning one of THE worst lines I think has ever been written into a Warrior Cats book. The part where tigerHeartstar says, "Those cats who just committed a hate crime were perfectly good people before the evil dictator took over. If we kill the evil dictator, I'm sure they'll CHANGE BACK"

I'm still REELING. Fuck you MEAAAN "CHANGE BACK????" CHANGE BACK? LIKE BEING A BIGOT IS UNCOMFORTABLE SHOES???

CHANGE BACK... me bringing my evil dollars up to the villain store and exchanging it for racism coins... change back...

So when I get around to it, I'm going to evaluate if Wasp is even actually necessary in the form he's in. BB is already about xenophobia and bigotry and the harm it does. Frostpaw has no shortage of examples to witness what Thistle Law is, and what it does to those excluded from Clan Culture.

When I first made my Family Tree for RiverClan, I actually ended up making Splashstar's MOM, Havenpelt, an ex-rogue. I think seeing him order a hate crime against his own mother would be a LOT more impactful here, actually.

What Frostpaw DOES need is allies and friends. I'm already starting by expanding her little "DND Party," a word I'm using to affectionately refer to some cats who will be following her home from her pilgrimage to the Park. 99% chance that Nightheart is going to become a permanent member of this party, joining RiverClan at the end of ASC. Waffle will be another. She'll probably also pick up a Tribe cat.

Wasp will be on this party, but I won't decide what happens to them until I see what that last book has in store. Who knows, he might come back (though I hope not, run as far away from these ghouls as possible Wasp!!)

#asc spoilers #wasp #Wasp wc #warrior cats analysis #ThunderClan is NOT keeping Wafflepaw they couldn't even use Stormcloud!!!#So help me GOD I will REPURPOSE a name from somewhere and macgyver a son for Stormcloud who can take Waffle's roles in thunderclan #I REFUSE TO LET THIS SERIES FORGET STORMCLOUD #IM GIVING HIM SOOO MANY COOL THINGS IN BB WRAAAAAAAAAAAAHH

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beloved-blaiddyd · 19 hours

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LOCKED AND LOADED [Yandere!Wanderer x Reader]

Prompt: The world is about to end. How will you grieve when you're forced to be with a miserable man until the last second? [Dedicated To: @mixed-kester for the Alone Together Event]

Content Tags: yandere!scaramouche "fluff" oneshot (yes, there are no other parts:]), major persona 3 spoilers but you DON’T need to know the game before reading this since everything is explained, improper use of a S.E.E.S evoker /j, Scaramouche is so normal about you, UNRELIABLE NARRATOR, major character death/s–

V. Acceptance.

"Where the hell are you, (Y/n)?"

Standing near what should have been the front doors of his university was a short man with dark purple hair. He leaned precariously against them, his head tilted upward as if the sickly green moon's ominous pull was nothing to be afraid of. Gekkoukan University's nearby dorms– fraternity and sorority houses included– are not usually this silent. Instead of people, coffins were aligned perpendicular to the ground.

The wanderer glanced at his watch with mild interest. He had been waiting for a while now. Your guest hoisted himself up, circling the ground with the tip of his shoe. The baseline of his attitude had always defaulted to irritability and passive-aggressiveness. The vertically aligned hour-and-minute hands do not placate it. The timing itself makes it worse.

It's December 31st, 2009, 12 AM– the Dark Hour.

With a harsh sneer, he pocketed his hands. You usually have the door to the Velvet Room open to him whenever. What's the big deal? Were you seriously THAT mad at him? Really? He didn't do anything to warrant this "pettiness". He had never known silence as much as this moment.

You should've accounted for the hostility that proceeds on the "off-chance" he did arrive early.

His tone darkened, his bloodied hands gripping his S.E.E.S evoker tightly.

"If you don’t show up, I will cleanse the world of human emotion all by myself"

You shook from afar, afraid of how he wouldn't hesitate to make his threat a reality. He had already taken so much– you were beyond mad at him. You were terrified. Wronged. Abused. You didn't want to step into the light. Much worse, step into his shadow.

The worst thing evil can do is to turn you into one of them.

He clutched the bloodied yellow scarf in his hands tightly.

Why did this happen?

How did things END up like this?

IV. Depression.

You took a deep breath and charged forward.

You don't trust [Wanderer] ever since Ryoji told him about the impending apocalypse.

Seldom do you leave the Velvet Room. You weren't hiding in the Velvet room months before the end of the world was imminent. When April had only reached its fourth day, there was nothing you wanted more than to spend time outside. So ignominiously innocent. You did not know who [Wanderer] was and how much effect he would have on your life at the time. You were just tired of the ongoing stream of uneventfulness.

And now here you are, berating the protagonist in full.

"[Wanderer], why is Ryoji missing?! US ATTENDANTS CAN'T FIND TRACK HIM ANYWHERE!!!"

With a fistful of his university uniform, you yanked him by the collar. Your eyes were livid as you reeled your composure. This wasn't what you had in mind when you were "isekai"d into a video game. Out of any game, why did it have to be Persona 3? And out of anyone that could be a protagonist, why did it have to be HIM?!

You thought this would be a grand affair... Whatever they spun in anime back when your reality existed were pure lies. Where are the scenic views? The mountains? The grasslands? This plane of existence you're forced to sit through for eternity was far from the RPG fantasy people would hope for. No closer you could ever be to paradise.

In fact, this man is threatening to ruin said paradise.

[Wanderer] pulled your hands away forcefully. His glare was not that different from yours. "Why do you care about him so much?"

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe it's because his death means forgetting everything?!" You clenched your empty fists. "You know damn well what happens if he dies! You'll lose all the help you can get to stopping the Fall!"

Such a heavy weight on your shoulders but the protagonist doesn't care. This may be a turn-based game– but it wasn't based on you. If it was, you wouldn't be screaming your heart out at him! You wouldn't be an NPC. Hell, you'd probably be a better protagonist than him.

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed every stress out of your system.

"Listen—" You rubbed your temple. "You need to start forming bonds. Social links. Support system. Confidants. Whatever you want to call it. You were supposed to have the answer by now as to what life is for."

[Wanderer] remained silent throughout your spiels. His facial expression alone was enough to infer immense disinterest. You were mindlessly doing your job. There will be no tirade or physical aggression that can convince him that you believe in your assertions with full conviction.

"Do you want to see him?"

"Yes! Of course. Knowing you, you're—"

"Tempted to kill him because you think I want the world to end?"

"Obviously."

That's where you're wrong.

A nihilistic man can have other reasons to commit murder.

"But if he's missing, you can forget about him, right?"

"What on earth are you talking about?!"

[Wanderer] turned around. "Meet me later, you know the time."

"I'll show you where Ryoji is."

III. Bargaining.

XX/09/2009

He doesn't recall the time he was brought into this world like you had.

Puppets are malleable. Memories are easy to overwrite when your body is held together by white wood and "khemia". His past evades him.

Maybe it's better this way.

He took you to Chagall Café. Although it was your first time out in a long while, he had no qualms about ignoring your questions. He feigned deafness as you asked about the news, his college life, friends, or anything related to what was happening in 2009. And he even ignored your humble request to buy the cheapest coffee for you. Instead, he bought you a chocolate frappe.

"For Elizabeth's cutest little sibling." He said, sarcastically copying Elizabeth's tone as he sharply handed the drink. "Wouldn't want everyone's darling to get a caffeine addiction."

Thanks, asshat.

Of all his offensive behavior— he really spent more money just to insult you. You shook your head and accepted it. It's the most expensive one on the menu too. What dedication to being a hater. But before you could open your wallet, he shot your payment down.

"Just take it." He smirked. "Look at you, paying me back for treating you poorly. Are you a masochist?"

You immediately shoved your money back in. "You still bought me a free drink, so really, who's the loser here? Prick."

[Wanderer] laughed heartily before he pulled out his battered codal, which had underlined texts for provisions he deemed important. There was a momentary softness in his gaze that disappeared in an instant.

But that's the only conversation he planned on having that evening. He did mention he'll drag you out in his study session so you weren't too shocked by it. Instead, you sat and awkwardly people-watched. The world you came from and this one were identical. You got through your old 2009 just fine— it's just that Tatsumi Port Island was not a real location from your original Japan.

Your memories about the video game Persona aren't very clear since you reincarnated in the game, but the red band [Wanderer] wore on his sleeve affirmed that he is the leader of S.E.E.S. It's nice to know that someone like him has the potential to become a leader.

[Wanderer] appeared wholly immersed in his studies.

…

Maybe he wouldn't notice if you looked around—

…?!

He immediately grabbed your hand. You yelped slightly as you noticed the iron grip he had.

"Where are you going?"

Don't leave him.

He squeezed just a bit more tightly.

"W-What the— I'm just going to the bathroom." You felt a shiver down your spine as you shared his gaze. There's a dull coldness to it you couldn't quite place, as if he had been a witness to injustice, sevenfold.

You quietly sat back down. He still hasn't let go of your hand.

"Good riddance." He muttered.

"If it isn't [Wanderer]!"

You turned around, yanking your hand away.

It's Ryoji.

You stood up, gawking.

"W-Woah, are you okay?" Ryoji asked, hurriedly approaching you. While you were frozen in place, [Wanderer] looked at his empty hand, feeling your warmth escape his fingertips.

G-Good… he's still alive.

You thought [Wanderer] killed him.

[Wanderer] is the wildcard, and that's a terrifying factor to consider. He hasn't shown any interest in humanity. Knowing his past has not increased any hope on your end. Everyone else in his eyes are insignificant insects.

He has the power to end Ryoji.

He has the power to end this world.

Locked and loaded.

Ryoji's eyes softened. "Wait, I think I know a beautiful face like yours from somewhere… You must be [Wanderer]'s attendant, (Y/n), right?"

You blinked.

"Wait, how did you…"

He chuckled, taking and placing a soft kiss on your gloved hands.

"I have my ways." Ryoji winked.

"Don't touch them." [Wanderer] sneered.

Ryoji stood up straight, unfazed by his threatening tone. You took a moment to examine his appearance. He had a lot of white clothing and a big yellow scarf around his neck. Just below his left eye is a mole. On the surface, he appeared quite human, but everyone seated at this table was aware of his true nature.

He is the 13th arcana. The appraiser.

You and [Wanderer] have every right to be wary.

"I'm Ryoji Mochizuki. It's nice to be officially introduced to you, Mx. (Y/n)."

"Ryoji Mochizuki…" You tasted the syllables.

"Oh? Who knew hearing my name from your lips makes it sound so wonderful."

"C-Cut it out, you don't mean that." You said, a little flustered.

[Wanderer]'s gaze fixated on you, stewing in his concoction of envy and misery. His fists were clenched beneath the table, knuckles turning white. With narrowed eyes, he watched as you continued engaging in conversation with Ryoji. His laughter was grating his ears. He couldn't bear the sight of you engaging with another man, especially someone as flirtatious as him.

Ryoji, sensing [Wanderer]'s distress, shot him a casual glance. To top the look, he paired it with a knowing smirk. He made mental notes of the man's clenched jaw and tensed shoulders.

"You seem a little on edge, [Wanderer]. Finals coming up?" He feigned innocence.

"It's December, and I'm not on edge." He scoffed, trying not to make his gritted teeth evident. "Don't you own a calendar? Finals are in March. To think a pea-brain like you managed to transfer to Gekkan…"

"Right, right." Ryoji smiled, closing his eyes. "Then it must be my proposal you're thinking of."

You stiffened; [Wanderer] did not.

"Ryoji—"

"I know, Mx. (Y/n)." He started. "I know you're not too keen on the idea of killing me. My existence is the affirmation of the Fall. None of you— sorry, I forgot (Y/n) is from the Velvet room— I meant none of them will live till Spring… Or perhaps it's more accurate to forfeit the will to live."

…

"… I-I'm sorry." Ryoji buried his face in his yellow scarf. There's a certain tremble in his voice that truly emphasizes his sorrow. "Just as all living things die, the flow of time cannot be hindered. But there's comfort in killing me. If you do… you won't have to suffer for the coming days."

If [Wanderer] kills Ryoji, Tartarus, the Dark Hour— the burden of everyone's memories will all disappear.

But [Wanderer] can retain his.

He's not originally from this world after all…

However, should he let him live, the rest of S.E.E.S's life will continue until everyone's inevitable demise.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever."

[Wanderer] rolled his eyes, diverting his eyes back to his notes. "Everyone will die soon, who cares? I've heard your spiel several times already. You need to get more entertaining material."

"[Wanderer]!" You scolded him.

Your eyes widened in disbelief at [Wanderer]'s unwittingly casual jabs at the apocalypse. You wanted to ask him if he was even listening, but the truth will disappoint you. A cold sweat formed on your brow.

Ryoji's smile crooked into a hopeless one.

"You depend on (Y/n) too much."

[Wanderer] froze. "What did you say…?"

"You have a group of people around you, eager to establish a bond— eager to be friends with you. You have met Junpei, Yukari, Mitsuru, Akihiko, Fuuka, and many others– but you don't consider any of them as your friends." Ryoji shook his head. "Instead, you spend your time with just (Y/n). Never anyone else. Just them. To the point that I think it's unhealthy."

"I don't care for humans." He replied immediately.

"You're human too, [Wanderer]." Ryoji shot back. "You're made of blood, bones, and flesh."

[Wanderer] fell silent. What Ryoji said was true, and yet…

"Am I?" He laughed.

The sound was hollow and mechanical. Deprived of genuine mirth. It did not sound forced, yet his eyes were dull.

…

Perhaps he lived as a puppet for so long that the idea of being human has yet to reach him.

Ryoji shifted, uncomfortably glancing between you two. The tension was palpable despite the cafe's peaceful ambiance. Ryoji cleared his throat softly.

"I should leave…" He trailed off, voice slightly wavering. His eyes darted around, scrambling for words to say. "But, um, before I leave, I just want to say again that you need to give it some more thought, [Wanderer]... It's a big deal… Just…"

Ryoji sighed. "Remember to make your choice to spare or kill me by December 31st. I'm glad you're having fun but don't get too distracted with (Y/n). I'll be waiting."

That being said, his footsteps reverberated loudly in the otherwise still room as he turned and headed for the door. He dared to turn back as he grabbed for the doorknob and saw you two sharing a look that he couldn't determine if it was one of contemplation or displeasure. He hurried out and the cafe door shut behind him.

"Happy?" [Wanderer] bitterly asked.

You paused for a moment… then grinned.

"Tsk, what are you laughing at, worm?"

"Nothing, nothing!" You shrugged. "I just thought that for a guy with a stick up his ass, you're cute when you're jealous."

That riled [Wanderer] up in an instant.

You do not know the full extent of his envy's filth.

"I am NOT—" He stopped, realizing how counterproductive it would be. "Whatever. I don't care."

"Uhuh?"

"Shut up and finish your damn chocolate!"

II. Anger.

Before you know it, it's April.

"Seriously, you three, I'm bored as fuck! Can't I just take a stroll outside?" You yelled, waving the heavy persona compendium in the air as your sisters ignored you.

It hasn't been long since you reincarnated, so your right to go outside isn't as liberal. Given the impending threat of an apocalypse, the Velvet Room attendants are especially overprotective.

"(Y/n), dear sibling, watch your mouth! You mustn't let Igor or Nameless hear you speak so vulgarly."

Taking a good look at your new "siblings", you've noticed how almost everyone was present. Margaret sat elegantly on the sofa while Theodore & Elizabeth were doing their best to calm you down. It's almost rare to have all three in one place. The three oldest were busy-bodies who had more eccentric matters they devoted their attention to. Including rapping and dancing, though neither performances are good for your senses.

"If boredom plagues you, then you should try teasing Theodore." Elizabeth yawned. "He's easy pickings."

"Sister!" Theodore pouted. "Shouldn't (Y/n) focus on studying how fusing works? It would be a better use of their time…"

"The day (Y/n)'s new wildcard learns the value of social links might just be the day miserly politicians become generous." Elizabeth shrugged.

You paled, tugging her sleeve. "Oh fuck… Am I screwed?"

She gave you a lopsided smile. "I may be your new sibling but that does not mean I am obliged to resolve your problems, (Y/n). Learn to solve this on your own."

Theodore coughed.

"Please, stop scaring them, sister Elizabeth. It's not their fault this new guest is a cruel arbiter. I fear there will not be a second of groundless joy in store for them…"

"You're not helping me relax either! Motherfucker. Can't you two speak normally?"

"Settle down, all of you."

The four of you stood straight as Igor tilted his chin up. Though you've gotten used to his bloodshot gaze, it had a way of prickling your skin this time around. With his signature smile, he closed his eyes and snapped his fingers.

"Our guest is about to enter."

"W-Wait, RIGHT NOW?!?"

Before you could react, the room transformed into what appeared to be a large elevator. The walls were barred and creaking noises began to subtly make their presence. A floating door materialized, and soon, opened.

Dark purple hair and eyes, short frame, soft face.

"…Hmm?"

You blinked.

"Wait, no way…"

You know him.

Of course, you know him.

"Everyone, meet [Wanderer]."

You decided that you two should reintroduce yourselves and forget that the past ever happened.

For now, you had been gifted with a vital role: being the protagonist's attendant.

According to your Igor, your role is to assist your guest in fusing personas. He had chosen you specifically in advance as you are his "anima/animus figure". Initially, that job was for Elizabeth. However, your beliefs, your intuition, your emotions— they're in perfect tune with [Wanderer]. Igor expects you to facilitate their spiritual and psychological growth and implore them to interact more with others.

Which, based on that alone, sounds like this puppet just hired an unpaid therapist.

"What do you want?"

"Well…"

Since you became [Wanderer]'s attendant, you've started to have thicker skin. He will always make his crankiness known each visit. You're slightly grateful for it, for how else would you know patience otherwise? Though his personality rubs you the wrong way, his strength does have merits you cannot ignore. Even Belladona, the Velvet Room's devout singer, had sung praises for his mettle. There was one line that struck you about her song, something about him being like a puppet with a beating heart unbeknownst to himself…

Which is why you thought you might as well try to see if you could convince him to take you out sometimes.

"What, like a date?" [Wanderer] scoffed then smirked, a light blush on his face. "Are you really that desperate?"

"No, eww—" You rolled your eyes. "I meant it literally. Igor and the others wouldn't let me go outside unless I'm with someone they trust."

He looked away and covered his mouth, his shoulders trembling slightly.

"Like a child?"

"Yeah, yeah, shut the fuck up." You deadpanned, your pride slightly chipped. "Like a child or whatever you want to see it, as long as it gets me out of here. I just want to see the world before it all…"

You paused.

Better not to bring it up. You're not sure if Igor told him yet.

[Wanderer] raised an eyebrow. "What's in it for me?"

You shrugged. "Is money not enough?"

He paused.

…

"You've got to be kidding me— Fine, what else do you want?"

His eyelids lowered, hissing slightly. "Evil expects evil from others, huh? I wasn't trying to think of anything more, but now that I think about it…"

"Oh, great."

"… I can take your request," he pointed at you. "But only if you join me in the library. Anywhere else, especially loud places like clubs, I'll send your ass back."

That's a no-brainer.

"Deal!"

Though you've missed the peculiar sight, [Wanderer] had a small smile on his face as you shook hands. The two of you had become nearly inseparable since then.

Worryingly, he's closer to you than other humans.

The only relationship he needed was with you.

And with what little time this world has left, you hope you could have a last cup of coffee with him…

I. Denial.

Your reality crumbled. What a START.

Your family, friends... all gone. No one was left. You convince yourself you "deserved" this punishment for smoking a life away with dreadful workloads, no matter how untrue it was. When the world burnt down, you were sent into a darkness you had not known before.

The person in charge of your reincarnation process told you that for the next few minutes, you and a selected companion will see your lives flash before your eyes in a void— and it will not necessarily be a comforting sight.

But you woke up relaxed. In an abyss filled with broken mirrors meant to depict your character to pieces, you donned a plain expression. There was not an inch of you that grieved for what was lost. Similarly, you had no care for how you were being transmigrated to another realm. Though you had grown accustomed to this isolation, humanity always struggled with silence. There was ringing on your fingers. When you unclasped your hands, you saw a pointed shard. Curiously, you clenched it. But no matter the tightness of your grip, no blood came out.

Your breath fogged up the glass. You wondered why that Memokeeper told you that you deserve to live on. You thought your life was rather unremarkable.

Makes sense. You thought to yourself. I'd rather pride myself on a boring life with integrity than an ambitious yet fraudulent one.

「Assignments. Commute. Study. Review. Assignments. Commute. Study. Review. Was that all your life was...? Then tell me, little (Y/n), why does the mirror in front of you appear distorted?」

And so, you gazed forward. Your reflection stood tall, larger than your life, and it beckoned you to come closer. This "(Y/n) (L/n)" had the opposite of a Cheshire grin- perhaps a caricature- perhaps an accurate depiction. Wearied of yourself and wearied of the sycophantic students around you. How unhappy are you to see yourself as someone like this? Are these the emotions you wish to be preserved? Is this the memory you want your world to be remembered by?

「These memories must be corrupted. Someone must be tampering with them. I do not think you lived a miserable life.」

I can't answer your questions either. But I think that reflection is who I am, because sometimes...

"I wish I had never been born at all."

Your lips were parted, but no sound came out. You resonated with those words, but they did not come from you. The voice was dark, hopeless, and alone.

When you were being sent off, you thought no one was around to greet you. There was another man. He had short hair and purple eyes- an incredibly rare sight in your world. This man seemed to be gazing at his reflection as well. You needn't know how he saw himself. The emptiness in his eyes did not differ from yours. He, too, was masking isolation as independence with an intense fragility. The dread he inflicted upon you was the closest you've ever gotten to facing your own perceived "weakness".

His memories were a mixbag. Some were filled with domestic bliss, but the anger in his heart triumphed more. He had friends but thought himself betrayed. His heart was constructed through a system of evasions, and he was a specialist in self-deception. This man knew little of emotions but had an abundance of it. It's no wonder he refused to sacrifice the artistry of his vengeance against humanity. You can sympathize with how he could not attach himself to those around him. He was burdened with malicious knowledge. Fakes. Lies. Insincerities. A class of his own.

However, he had a sin you cannot empathize with. A trait you can read that you're certain he had never noticed about himself.

He was a sickeningly beautiful man with a peculiar innocence.

He looked like a man who truly did not live in the real world.

This man did not feel real to you. He felt made-up. Fictional. His aura of flawlessness appalled you. Though you shared the same sentiments, you thought him dimensionless.

Yet this is supposedly your first meeting.

「Is it? Where have you seen him before? Can't you remember, dear (Y/n)?」

No. No, I can't.

「... What a shame. Worry no more, little (Y/n). Close your eyes. When you wake up, you will meet your new reality— new realm— new family.」

You nodded and agreed to a higher existence you did not believe in. Unlike others, you were a little bit more incapable of trusting a living soul. But there's no other choice.

Life is ordinarily far from anyone's control in the first place. Why bother fighting? If following can make her fuck off, it doesn't matter.

Nothing matters.

Wait…

Is that…

Scaramouche?

Before you closed your eyes and accepted your fate, you could've sworn...

He looked at you with a crooked grin.

「Thou art I... And I am thou...

Thou hast established a new bond...

Thou shalt be blessed when creating

Personas of the Universe Arcana..."」

"Hmm. Strange… Is that truly the order of the story?"

A woman stared at you.

Not (Y/n) (L/n).

YOU.

BEHIND.

THE.

SCREEN.

She smiled wryly.

Hate might empower you for a short while, but it comes at the cost of consuming you whole. Should a shard or any surface reflect [Wanderer]'s face, he would understand what he had become. However, it's too late. He had made his choice and stomped away any remorse he could have. When all is said and done, he alone will spread the ashes. He alone will stand. A blank slate.

[Wanderer] spent his life looking for scapegoats and ended up removing his responsibility.

Betrayals?

What a sad, sad puppet.

What a poor excuse to justify an entire apocalypse.

A poor excuse of a man.

"THE ARCANA IS THE MEANS BY WHICH ALL IS REVEALED." She muttered softly. "And you have been reading your story in REVERSE. Perhaps this is the only way this world can attain SALVATION. The chronological order is not a slice of life. You did not have a disagreement and decided to start your relationship over again. Life is far more WICKED."

"Read it again, but from DENIAL to ACCEPTANCE. The proper way to GRIEVE DEATH."

With great reluctance, she took the five cards laid on the table and placed them in an upright position.

"Let's see if you'd rather ACCEPT the truth or live in DENIAL."

Mixed-Kester can now message Wanderer [prior to 12/31/2009]

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artist-issues · 3 days

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I like Koba because he’s the perfect photo-opposite of Caesar, and the perfect villain for that franchise.

I like that the movies took their time and characterized him carefully, even in Rise of the Planet of the Apes, before anybody knew that he was going to be the villain in the second movie. The researchers are like, “he knows the drill, he’s been through a lot of labs.” When he’s just a dumb brute animal, with no superhuman intelligence, he causes the virus to be released to humanity. Remember how? By pretending to be calm when they put him in the scanning machine, but then thrashing suddenly and knocking that one lab assistant’s mask off, infecting him. He did that before he was self-aware and super-intelligent. He was a bitter and angry creature, and a cunning and vengeful creature, long before he got super-smart. And they keep that cunning bait-and-savage-switch character trait way later, in the second movie, when he pretends to be a silly monkey and then brutally murders humans when their guards are down.

But then when he is freed, and the humans are supposedly gone at the start of the second movie, I love the nuance that he wasn’t interested in overthrowing Caesar.

He was happy being the second-in-command. He had the opportunity to leave Caesar to get eaten by a bear in the opening scene of that movie—and instead he saves his life and looks horrified when he thinks Caesar is dead. They have a camaraderie. And he genuinely jokes around with Blue Eyes and tries to make him feel better after the younger ape is clawed by the bear.

Basically, it really was as if all he wanted was to wipe out the humans. When he thought they were gone for good, he was not the same bitter brute you see pushing Jacobs to his death or seizing the opportunity to beat up Will. He was happy just being one of Caesar’s advisors, living in the woods with the other apes.

But then humans come. And all this hate is back. And he still trusts Caesar and follows Caesar’s leadership, even if he thinks they should wipe all the humans out and satisfy his bloodlust from the beginning. He still submits to Caesar. But then Caesar pushes it by offering to basically help the humans do their work. Koba hates humans, and Caesar appears to be choosing them over him. And on top of that, you can see that in every confrontation he has with Caesar, Koba is interested in what the other apes think of him. Caesar stands up aggressively when Koba shouts at him, and Koba becomes aware that this is getting confrontational in front of everybody and backs down. Caesar almost chokes him out and Koba looks around at the other apes watching before asking forgiveness and regrouping.

So this means that there’s an element of wounded pride AND feeling like an outcast among the apes already mixed in with Koba’s hatred of humans, after Caesar doesn’t agree with him/punishes him. Then you can see Koba go from being a team player to being self-protective, and he starts using the other apes instead of being interested in them as family.

After realizing Caesar will never hate the humans, Koba basically had a choice to make. He could choose the apes, even though it has been revealed that they don’t share his hate. Or he could choose his hate—but he can’t have both, because the apes don’t want to hate humans if it means war. And we see that he wouldn’t give up his hate.

Koba’s own hate completely swallowed him up, to the point where he saw not only humans, but other apes, as disgusting. He starts killing just to kill. After the bloody war starts, he completely stops trying to manipulate Blue Eyes or gain the other apes’ approval. He just kills apes that disagree with him and humans in his way, alike.

Caesar points that out in their final battle. But that’s what makes Koba such a good opposite to Caesar. Caesar is, like I said in the other post, all about “family.” He’s all about protecting the apes he chooses to regard as his family, and it’s usually “protect them from hate.” But Koba doesn’t really regard the apes as his family. Maybe he was starting to, when he thought all humans were gone forever and was grateful to Caesar for freeing him from the labs, and there were no problems. But the truth is, while Caesar is all about making choices that protect, Koba is all about making choices that hurt.

And that’s what’s interesting. Caesar is defining what an “ape” is, and he knows it. He knows that he has a whole super-intelligent new species as his people, and they’re still deciding, every day, what being an “ape” means. And so Caesar struggles the whole second movie with the fact that apes and humans aren’t actually inherently different. Not when it comes to hate.

But if you think about it, that’s what separates the apes meaningfully from what they used to be: savagery. Just straight-up, plain “I feel mad so I’m going to lash out and rip up anything near me.” They got what from the serum? Advanced intelligence. Reason. Koba gets to the point where he can’t be reasoned with, and won’t show mercy or any of the “higher” sensibilities that come with that “higher being/human” thing the “evolved” apes have.

So when Koba chooses to be that way; when he chooses hate; when Koba chooses to kill his “family,” then Caesar kills Koba. Because Caesar is showing all the apes watching that final showdown: “true apes” do not kill and endanger one another. True apes protect each other. Koba only protects himself. So he doesn’t get to be an “ape” entitled to the same protection Caesar gives all his followers, and expects them to give one another.

I like that. Because Koba will kill anything that threatens or hurts him. But Caesar will only kill those who won’t let go of their hate—whether they’re human or primate.

I also just love the acting of the guy who plays Koba. And I love that he looks and moves more savagely than the other apes, even though he’s supposedly got the same level of intelligence and comparable experience to Caesar, the most “refined” ape. I love the way he talks, and I love, like I said, how careful and well-thought-out his characterization was.

#Koba #planet of the apes #rise of the planet of the apes #dawn of the planet of the apes #apes together strong #war for the planet of the apes #Caesar #Andy serkis #apes #I like the monkey movies #monkey movies

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lyril · 3 days

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johnny & randall analysis / manifesto

in taking a little break from other things and deciding to rewatch monsters, inc., only to then find out about monsters at work on my way there, i've ended up thinking about these guys a lot lately — and since there's not a lot of stuff really digging into these characters, i wanted to share all the thoughts i've had over the past few weeks as an exercise.

as such, this'll be an analysis of johnny and randall's characters in relation to each other and their position as antagonists in the series, as well as how i'd personally go about extrapolating from their dynamic as a fun thing to explore if there was more time to expand upon and rewrite what we got! (as well as just having a little dubiously-healthy relationship fun along the way, you know how it is... give me and inch and i'll take a mile)

to me, the fun of filling in the blanks of them together is about how they've changed so much, and yet so little, falling back into old habits, feelings, and dynamics with an older and modern touch to them.

confused about the line of randall saying him and johnny were "besties"? not to worry, my friends. i got you.

“It’s easy to think that these characters can’t possibly have any depth or feelings because they’re monsters, but they do,” says Crystal. “They’re young men figuring out who they are and what they want in life—and then what life actually has in store for them."

general character / story analysis

all the way back at the beginning, we have the events of monsters university — in my opinion, the movie with the most to chew on in an emotional sense, and the one that really sets the stage for everything that comes after (probably a recommended thing to have as a prequel, to be fair). i want to start off with a few quotes from the art book and production notes about the story's themes...

If Monsters, Inc. was about what happens when a new and strange door opens, Monsters University is about what happens when the door you’ve been headed towards unexpectedly slams shut. It’s a question every one of us has had to deal with at one time or another: What do you do when your dreams run into the roadblocks of real life? (art book)

Producer Kori Rae recalls that when Dan Scanlon decided that the film was really going to be about Mike Wazowski and his story, "he was really attracted to the idea of how we deal with failure. What happens when what we thought we were going to do or who we were going to be changes, and we end up in a totally different place? When you ask someone 'How did you get where you are today?' very seldom do you hear 'I went to school, studied what I planned on studying, and then went immediately into that field of work.' This film delves into that in a really powerful way.” As Scanlon explains, "Mike basically realizes he needs to let go of what he thinks he has to be in order to be great, so that he can make room for what truly makes him great. That is the real story of the film. His friendship with Sulley comes out of that, and Sulley changes and becomes a better person because of that." As it so happens, this arc is not so different from the arc of the story process itself. "You fall in love with these things that you think the story is about, and then you realize the story is about something else," says Scanlon. "Then you have to let go of those things, and it's painful a lot of the time. But, it's always for the best." (art book)

According to the filmmakers, Mike’s story—and the fact that he doesn’t accomplish what he sets out to do—not only makes the story more interesting, it makes it more relatable. “A big part of this film is facing reality,” says story supervisor Kelsey Mann. “Sometimes it’s harsh and unfair, but that’s okay. It just means you were meant to do something else, something that ultimately might be more rewarding." (production notes)

"It’s during these years, whether in college or not, that we tend to learn who we are. And it’s not necessarily who we thought we were." ... "We don’t always get what we want, including life-long dreams. It’s perhaps the hardest lesson for any of us to face, but it’s the benchmark of maturity." (production notes)

"To me, this movie is for anyone who has dealt with failure. We all come face-to-face with it at some point in our lives." ... "I think it’s these missteps and misdirections that make us stronger and make our life’s story more interesting. I love movies that inspire us to believe that if we try hard enough, we can be anything we want. The truth is, sometimes as hard as we try, as much as we believe, things just don’t work out; it happens to all of us. But in hindsight, these 'failures' often turn out to be nothing more than detours leading to wonderful discoveries of a life, a career, a love we never would have thought possible." —Dan Scanlon (art book)

a lot of my thoughts had sparked when reading passages like this, connecting it back to their own character arcs, as we start to pick up on a few questions: how do we deal with failure? what happens when things don't work out, and what we thought we were going to do or who we were going to be changes, and we end up in a totally different place? when the door you’ve been headed towards unexpectedly slams shut? and how do the character's reactions to these things set them apart from each other?

"This is a story about a guy who loves something desperately but can’t have it. So what do you do when that happens, when you can’t have what you want?" —James Robertson, story artist (art book)

“College is the time when we all have so much optimism and confidence that we can change the world. We have dreams and goals. We’re unstoppable. And then reality sets in and we start hitting closed doors. It’s what you do when you hit a closed door—it’s what you do when your dream is shattered that really formulates who you are." —John Lasseter (production notes)

in doing a lot of analysis of the story's themes for me, this is the start of how these characters — mike and randall, sulley and johnny — are foils to each other.

james p. sullivan is a casual, laid-back guy who's just barely skirting by academically, as he believes his natural talent and family name are all he needs to succeed in life. johnny worthington III is already a popular and successful top dog with a legacy of his own to live up to, so he works to maintain his status and fraternity's image no matter the cost. mike wazowski is full of ambition, eager to make his dream of becoming a scarer at monsters, inc. a reality, with the assets at his side being hard work, wit, and determination. and despite his nervous and insecure personality, randall "randy" boggs wants to get in with the popular crowd to get a taste of recognition even if that means going down a different path completely.

breaking them down to the very basics, johnny and sulley are both Cool Guys/Nepo Babies who come from a long line of revered scarers, and who keep their fears, insecurities, and true feelings buried underneath of their outwardly shallow demeanor, while mike and randall are both Nerdy Guys without a lot of friends, making it out alone/together in the world, but with untapped potential and a very personal sense of mission for their years at university. they're each put in very similar positions, where sulley and johnny want to maintain what they have and use that to their advantage, and randall and mike want to surpass what they are into something bigger than themselves. sulley is everything mike wants to be as a natural-born scarer, and johnny is everything randall wishes he could be as the cool, popular guy. at the beginning of the movie, sulley gets paired with johnny, and mike with randall, but they end up swapping by the midpoint — sulley teams up with mike, and randall teams up with johnny. mike and sulley stay together by the end, but johnny and randall are ultimately split up. you get the sense that these duos are meant to be together with how they're divided, and, eventually, the results of everything, and how the characters deal with the prospect of failure color their positions as protagonists and antagonists, respectively.

"When it all goes south, it’s not pretty,” says Rae. “They get kicked out of the Scare Program by the Dean herself and their dreams are crushed. But as fate would have it, they’re forced to work together to make things right. The unlikely bonds they form with a group of misfits, and how they grow—individually and as friends—results in a very funny, very touching story that at its heart is completely relatable to people of almost every age." (production notes)

when mike and sulley get kicked out of the scare program, they're not about to give up just yet. after a lot of hardships, but also unexpected success along the way, they land themselves at the very last event of the scare games, and sulley goes the extra mile to secure a false win through cheating for mike, only for it to be a breaking point for the both of them — it drives mike into doubling down on his ambition, and then into disillusionment at his own inability to achieve what he's been so desperate to reach the entire story, as well as sulley into finally letting down his unaffected façade and admitting he has no idea what he's doing either. he knew how someone like mike would take the loss, after he's worked so hard for everything, but in the end... the measures taken to prevent that from happening only ended up making things worse. at the end of the day, the true victory they get to have is in a personal sense, since they do get kicked out of university and have to continue working hard to get what they want... and they're also to be able to prove something to themselves in an honest accumulation of their efforts, through what they've learned and gone through together despite them not coming out on top. by the end of the movie, they accept their fate in stride — even (especially) mike, who sulley helps to realize that he has other avenues to explore, not just that one defined path he set out so desperately to chase. after they come to terms with the failure they went through together, they're able to grow and become better friends and people because of it, and it doesn't stop them from working as hard and honestly as they can... and eventually, they end up where they are today!

on the other hand... the way johnny and randall take their shortcomings end up being the exact opposite!

getting into it ✨️

JOHNNY WORTHINGTON has reason to be supremely confident—he’s the top Scare student at Monsters University and president of the best fraternity on campus, Roar Omega Roar (RΩR). Voiced by Nathan Fillion, Johnny comes from a long line of MU Scarers and respects the school’s legacy, traditions and most of all, the system by which Scaring excellence is judged. He may have been born with a silver spoon in his jaws, but this monster’s no softie. (production notes)

"Johnny runs RΩR, so if the look of the house is designed around any one character, it's him. The RΩR interior gives you this feeling of tradition and entitlement, sort of 'Don't touch anything.' [There are] walls of trophies, walls of history, and pictures of past classes. It should give you the feeling that Johnny has something to lose, too. It's not just Mike and Sulley who have things at stake. Johnny has a tradition to live up to, and he's afraid of failing." (art book)

"[He] was probably raised by a dad who was a real jerk to him, who 'didn't raise a loser', where winning's the most important thing..." —Nathan Fillion (interview)

it's that idea of success, of staying on top and maintaining that image, position, and legacy that came before him that has shaped his worldview and that johnny's character is all about. for johnny, to not live up to tradition is failure.

johnny worthington already had it made by the time he was born, clearly growing up wealthy and with connections in life lined up for him in advance, where even in school he's popular and well-liked for his highly-ranked natural talents and "charming" personality, despite still being a shallow, manipulative asshole at heart... and all he has to do is to hold on to that silver spoon, which is at the same time, is a lot of pressure on his shoulders...

and with so much importance put on appearances, it's his tendency to read books by their cover that leads him to completely underestimate what mike and sulley are capable of together in monsters university. an emphasis is put on how big of a deal it'll be if RΩR loses the scare games to a team of underdogs like OK, since, as mike puts it... no one will ever let him forget it. not only does he care a lot about maintaining that status as top dog, but he wants to ensure nothing gets caught up in the process, as he takes precautions earlier in the story by putting sulley's place in RΩR on hold until he can live up to what he says he is... and when it comes to OK's unexpected success throughout the scare games, there's a sense of him starting to feel threatened, which leads to pulling stunts like the "cute-ma kappa" prank. johnny goes out of his way to try and take them down a peg through methods like "cutting remarks, taking shots at [their] confidence, and humiliation," as nathan fillion puts it in regards to johnny's more "insidious" bullying techniques. we don't get a lot of time to linger on how he takes the "loss" in the end (other than it very clearly shaking his entire world) before he later goes to offer sulley his position back, and then is rejected even further. what i enjoy very much about the situation is how RΩR didn't actually lose to OK, on account of sulley's cheating — it's just enough for it to appear as if they do for a while and to make an impact on johnny at first, and it kind of leads to a perfect uncertainty of how he really takes things in the end... even if he's no sore loser on the surface.

and i think it makes a lot of sense in how exactly johnny's changed over the years when we see him again in monsters at work. on the outside, it absolutely looks as if he's now humbled, as if maybe that sliver of defeat put enough of a number on him... and yet on the inside is someone still clinging to the importance of the legacy he has to maintain. i don't think johnny is heartless by any means — it's not like he's been nefariously plotting over the last 20 years or anything, as he's already set and successful as a CEO as well as a husband, a father, a family man and a charitable force of his community... and in a lot of ways, he has changed, softened around the edges, and is living life as everyone else is... right?

after knowing him first in monsters inc., we can easily see through sulley's character in monsters university where the façade ends and james p. sullivan begins, as he's long grown past the need for something like that, paving the way for him as the kind-hearted and humble guy he is today... and johnny, on the other hand...? over the years, it seems to have become a little hard to tell where exactly that point is, of what part of the act is really "johnny" under all of that flourish, benevolence, and self-restraint. with how he would play it up in university, it was quite obvious for him too that he was putting on a show... and yet now the moments in and out of it are few and far between, where it almost feels as if the mask is glued on until he gets pushed to his furthest point, only showing cracks of a different face... and in all that time, johnny clearly has been honing his skills — a constant performance with anyone and everyone, polished to perfection even with whom he lets in on his little scheme. as a businessman, i think it makes sense that his manipulative tendancies never really went away, as that's something that would benefit him a ton. he's come to veer out of "smarmy" and back around again into "charming", with less of that outward swagger and leaning even more into the extra subtle approach — he's a lot more down to earth even when he's still got that glint in his eye. a picture of performative altruism, yet is still doing good nonetheless... and it sort of puts him in a strange position of everything he does being simultaneously fake and real and the same time, superficial in an all-new way. how much is what he said to tylor is true, especially when he does have genuine reason to see himself in him, to respect the scaring legacy and see how tylor's potential is being wasted? what would johnny with no filter on a regular day even look like? how much does randall see, or even claire, or his kids? who even is johnny worthington, really...?

and i have to wonder if there's a fundamental issue in how johnny approaches the world, of someone born with a silver spoon in his mouth — really honing in on that nepotism of someone very privledged, and how his background in an environment like that might've shaped him in ways like this. and when his prize jewel is threatened — the precious legacy of what came before — that's when he starts to act again, all under the cover of the rock solid image he's created...

with laugh power on the rise, johnny has to think about what it would mean to adjust to a changing world, of something so far off the path you're on, to start from the ground up in a completely different way for the greater good in terms of both efficiency and in a moral sense... and of what it would mean for his company, of the kind of light it would paint him in within the world he's grown up in (a lot of very relevant political views we get a peek of in the whole laugh power vs scream power debate!) and what we know of the looming figures of those that came before him — monsters who are very clearly not made for being jokesters. considering what we know about him, and the lessons we never actually get to see him learn and grow from... the choice he'll make is clear. for a guy like johnny, there's no easy surrender to something like that. all of this is a lot bigger than little competitions in university. laugh power may as well be the future (and boy, does he know it!) but it's scare power that made his family business what it is. and there's a resurgence of image first and foremost when it comes to the underhanded way he goes about it, where whatever's going on behind the scenes (such as outright stealing laugh power sources from monsters, inc. and with a total disregard for the moral side of it all) may as well not be relevant as long as that outside picture is kept clean and the appearance of tradition is being maintained, which makes it very clear where exactly his priorities lie.

(even someone like waternoose almost had a more benevolent goal at the end of the day — everything he did may have been something he was doing for the sake of his company, but it was also for his people, to quite literally "keep the lights on" all while he really did care about monsters like sulley! i'm willing to bet that if laugh power had been effectively realized in his time, he wouldn't have even needed to do all that, as it all seems like a "desperate measures call for desperate solutions" thing... while johnny is a lot more concerned with holding onto what's already his, for his own sake, rather than everyone else's — at the end of the day, he doesn't actually care about the city's power situation at all... he really plays into the weight of the "family business" side of it all.)

"One of the themes in [Monsters University] is seeing a person’s hidden value—a skill Johnny certainly lacks. He takes people at face value, and he’ll never know them. That’s a hurdle Mike and Sully have to overcome with one another." —Nathan Fillion (production notes)

a core of him remains the same, still concerned with image and legacy, and possibly still... "unable to see people for what they're really worth", as what's described as his fatal flaw in the monsters university days. i've been trying to wrap my head around what it means to say that exactly, as clearly, he can see through people well enough to manipulate anyone well enough, to even pick at their spceific weak spots and see why they may be useful to him, all to exploit that as he pleases... maybe tylor and randall are just particularly easy marks for him, or maybe that is the point of it all. i have to wonder if it's because he sees most people — not just tylor as part of the plan — in terms of what they can do for him, and how they and the relationships he forms can be used to help further his own goals and agenda, since... he's sort of been doing that for a long time now. business as usual, you could say. a very transactional measurement of worth, always looking out for the best of the best, but it leading to still missing key features in people's MO as he's still biased in his own certain ways. and to be fair... that is sort of how relationships work in general. we're both here because we get something out of it, even if it's for something as simple as companionship... yet i can imagine it as being a lot more mechanical, calculated, and in focus for someone like johnny, when he's never not playing 5D chess. he may act friendly with everyone, but i bet there's a degree of distance between the relationships johnny has with his employees and the ones sulley and mike do.

over the course of monsters university, the trait as johnny's fatal flaw — maybe improved upon over the years, maybe not — plays into his downfall, as another theme of the movie (as well as carried on into monsters at work) is about seeing people's hidden strengths beyond what they appear — and so he completely underestimates mike and his team. in monsters at work, i get the feeling they're playing with that again on purpose, a testament to how he hasn't really changed, by still falling victim to the same motivations as before.

as self serving as it seems... throughout the season, we do get to see through his company and characters like rosie how it's not just him grappling with these changing times, but a lot of people — and that's why a very similar thing is reflected in tylor, who is dealing with the same situation! tylor has graduated college, expecting to go down the path of scaring, only for the rug to be torn out from underneath of him. ("what happens when things don't work out, and what we thought we were going to do or who we were going to be changes, and we end up in a totally different place?") tylor is face to face with changing times, threatening to completely upheave what he knows, forcing him into and to consider situations he isn't sure he's meant for, and he's struggling to adjust to the path and new world around him... and when johnny is already on his way to push back against that narrative, that's why his story gets intertwined with tylor's — they're in a similar predicament, and that's also why he reminds him of himself, playing into the "you can't escape who you are, so embrace it" angle (something i bet he really does believe when it's his father who told it to him) all while narratively, everything in the season plays with the motifs that both movies have explored. ("what happens when the door you're heading towards unexpectedly slams shut?" and "what happens when a new door opens?") and yet... we know tylor's here to be manipulated, and has been picked out from the start. tylor's worth to him in all of that is (primarily) measured by that role, where in the heat of the moment, he even says himself the only thing he can see tylor being good for is a pawn on his chessboard... and i think it's (part of) why it looks like johnny is written a little "stupid" in the finale episodes, in that they're trying to play with this weakness of his. johnny overestimates everything he's done to tylor, through severing all those ties, appealing to his own ego, giving him a reason to come crawling back to him and him only... he thinks he's got tylor fully hooked and already reeled in, and maybe for anyone else, that plan would've worked out flawlessly, but... tylor is our ProtagonistTM. he doesn't understand what tylor would even have left to his name, how his moral code may be shaken awake in scaring a kid he knows, how his friendships could prevail despite it all... all of these things that make tylor ultimately still sympathetic and able to turn things back around, even when he's fallen so hard for johnny's bait and in such an awful situation. johnny may be good at this game, but he's not an expert, and he still doesn't fully see tylor, only what he picks out in him, what's useful to him... and how much does that extend to everything else in his life?

as the head of fearco., of course johnny is still stuck in that old mindset and fear of failure when he's got even more at stake — he's always trying to stay one step ahead, using his position to keep control of what he's afraid of and manipulating the people around him and their circumstances. in a lot of ways, johnny is a bit different now, but we know that he never really went down a path of acceptance, to start to let go of the fear he has, so he's the same old johnny at heart, even if under a slightly different cover... and what better to lead him down the path he's on?

(compare all of this to sulley, who, in contrast, feels like he's moreso capitalizing off of his family name, rather than it really being what's at stake for him... and in his situation, who is able to move past the crushing idea of having to live up to what came before him, to be more true to himself, and to help embrace the new path forward, not only in terms of efficiency for his own people, but for everyone, as he embraces the laugh power and monsters, inc.'s new CEO...!)

Monsters University freshman RANDY BOGGS has big aspirations for college life. The peculiar lizard-like monster with his host of gangly arms and legs plans to major in Scaring and lead an active social life filled with fun, friends and fraternity parties. “He’s not the Randall that we know from ‘Monsters, Inc.,’” says Steve Buscemi, who once again provides the voice of the iconic character. “He’s a little insecure and he wants to fit in, so he works toward pledging the coolest fraternity.” Story supervisor Kelsey Mann says he thinks audiences will be surprised to see Randall’s humble beginnings. “He’s super happy and positive. And, just like Mike, he’s always dreamed of becoming a Scarer.” He certainly seeks inspiration. One of Randall’s most memorable lines from “Monsters, Inc.” finds its way into the prequel. Hanging above Randy’s bed is an inspirational poster that reads “Winds of Change.” Audiences will get the inside scoop on just what sparks Randy’s competitive spirit—but the future top Scarer at Monsters, Inc. will first need to get his embarrassing disappearing habit under control, because Randy’s not sure how he’ll ever be a great Scarer if nobody can see him. (production notes)

"In Monsters, Inc. Randall has a real problem with Sulley and being second-best to him. So we thought, let’s see that happen for the first time in this movie, in a big public event. That’s why we have Sulley and Randy go head-to-head in the final competition." (art book)

as of now, randall doesn't actually have as much screentime as johnny does to talk about — although, his time may very well be coming soon! even with the amount he does have, i think randall also shines especially well in his response to failure.

in the midst of humble beginnings, randall "randy" boggs is a sweet guy, although a bit naïve on top of being timid and insecure as someone who hasn't really figured out his place in life. at the bottom of the food chain, he wants to fit in and get in with the cool, popular crowd, the people who have already had it made.

by the last half of monsters university, randy's finally gotten what he's wanted — he's in with the "cool kids", he's getting attention and recognition as they push through ahead with his dream team in the scare games... until his match-up with sulley, where he accidentally messes up randy's camouflage and therefore his scare attempt, which ultimately ends up getting him kicked out of RΩR. we see earlier in the movie how embarrassment is something he wants to avoid ("if i do that in scaring class, i'll be a joke!" and "whoops! that could've been embarrassing...") so to top it all off, it's also in an utterly humiliating, public moment. not only is this is randy's big taste of failure, but he also gets something very important taken from him, severing that chance, those connections, everything he was aiming for by no fault of his own... and what he's left with is a grudge, where in his own inability to accept and move on from the event, it digs its claws in deep. he may say that'll be the last time he'll ever lose to sulley, but we know randall goes on to lose to him over and over and over again — and it ruins him!

by the time of in monsters, inc. randy has continued down the path he was already on the way to, molding himself into a completely petty, spiteful and arrogant jerk. as randall, he's a loner who runs hot and cold, where he's got that sleazy underhanded smugness, but is also incredibly tempermental and becomes hot-headed and irritated on a dime, especially when he lets his ego get the best of him... he's got a no-nonsense tolerance for stupidity, but still finds time to be snarky and play it up every once in a while. he's grown the confidence he wished he could've had before, and now he's the one bossing the nerds (fungus) around. with an unrelenting and ambitious ruthlessness to him, randall is one lizard who never learned his lesson. he's still trying to climb to the top, not only to beat sulley, but to have him beneath him... all over something that happened so long ago!

when it comes to randall's motivations, and between him and sulley, there's a bit of a "chicken or the egg" situation in monsters, inc. where you wonder if the personal aspect of despising what sulley has done (and in his eyes is continuing to) to him and wanting to put him in his place once and for all or the desire to be #1 is more important, but they're pretty much intertwined... with a lean in the personal direction, in my opinion.

at the end of the scare games, it's only sulley who messes everything up for him, and he decides that he'll never lose to him ever again — not just in general, but specifically to sulley, and that's something he keeps with him for a very, very long time. throughout monsters, inc., there's definitely a very personal way he goes about his competitiveness and interacting with him, where he won't so much as offer him a friendly handshake. when he talks to mike about revolutionizing the scaring industry, he even singles out how it'll finally make sullivan beneath him, and when he gets banished — kicked out, you could say! — he states that's what he deserves, anyway... for what, exactly? when waternoose tells him how sulley, the guy he treats like a son, is twice the scarer he'll ever be, you can tell that really gets to him. even the way he talks about him is very off-topic ("you stupid, pathetic waste!"), and after all... "you still think this is about that stupid scare record?"

to be fair, though, the goal of his from the beginning was to cruise with the popular crowd, so clearly that's a big factor in everything, but what we see just makes you think that he wouldn't be nearly as crazy about everything if it wasn't james p. sullivan on top, always being second best to him, the guy who ruined everything for him in the first place. he's clearly a man of grudges and petty revenge... and yet, if it's just attention or achievement he wants, he's already crazy high on the scoreboards which isn't a bad spot to be in at all! he's still excelling in his field (i do wonder if his awful personality gets in the way of attention) and yet that isn't enough, he's never satisfied even when he would be getting the very thing he wants, because it's sulley he has to take down once and for all in order to prove he's the best... and he loses, and he loses, and he loses.

especially with everything that happens in monsters, inc., it's no surprise to anyone that randall is back in the way he is for monsters at work, even more hellbent on getting revenge against mike and sulley, except this time with the connection that had been lost to him before... and who knows how everything will turn out next time?

(mike is an ambitious over-achiever from the start, and yet, even as stubborn as he is, he eventually realizes the worth in his true callings and is able to start a new journey. on the other hand, randall's persistance paints him as someone who never learned when to quit... even for his own good.)

for both of these characters, the message is clear: "It’s what you do when you hit a closed door—it’s what you do when your dream is shattered that really formulates who you are." to not face the reality of everything... look at where it's left them.

as we can see, it's in mike and sulley's ability to humble themselves after everything and to eventually accept, learn from, and move on from the failure they go through even when it changes the trajectory of the journey they're on, that they find their strengths by the end of monsters university, leaving the doors open for new paths ahead of them... and when we see them again, johnny and randall are still caught up in long unresolved hang-ups and shortcomings and stuck with old problems/habits that never really went away in the first place. as long as they persistently hold onto the past (in randall's case) and in maintaining control over what they fear losing the most, unable to move on in a different way (in johnny's case), it's these kinds of things that prevent them from growing and from facing the reality of everything, as they only go on to become the bad people they are today... all that is what drives them as antagonists — their reaction is anti-thetical to the story's themes and messages.

and now that we know the characters and their deal, what about how their stories intertwine with one another's...?

dynamic in university

before we get into my thoughts about johnny and randall in the present, let's go back to the start again, to the time spent together at university. (with the days between the scare game events that we see, under the assumption that most of them were spaced at least a bit evenly, i like to think randy was in RΩR for about a month... give or a take a week or so.)

"stay outta trouble, wild man."

we never get to see how johnny became how he is, but it's not too hard to figure out how it happened. on the other hand, we get to know firsthand how randy transforms, and the moment we first meet him actually says a lot! when randy accidentally uses his camouflage ability in front of mike, we can see that he's uncertain and self conscious about it until mike tells him what he thinks, commenting on how he could pull it off if only he didn't have the glasses to give it away. and even with something as small as that interaction, the guy just... stops wearing his glasses altogether, even though he (clearly) needs them to see! of course, this is a fun retcon explanation of why randall is always squinting as he does (along with all the other ways the dialouge here is ironic considering what later becomes of him) but it's also something that almost immediately gives off the sense of him as a young, impressionable guy who's easily influenced by other people... it's just kind of funny to think about how he'd willingly make life harder on himself on the evaluation of someone he just met, if it means he can pull off a neat trick of all things, isn't it? and it makes sense as we learn about how he wants to get in with the popular crowd, the "cool" kids, in the chance of finally being accepted and recognized, to get the attention and power he's never really had, and to get a sense of being seen in an active and fun social life.

we see randy go from someone who always faded into the background, a bit nervous about being invisible, and after a shift of perspective... now he's adapting to and changing himself to blend in to what's around him, and in order to cover up what he once was in the process, randy sheds his former skin. (he's not beating the lizard boy allegations, i'll tell you that.)

everything leads to him falling in with the wrong crowd, and as he's welcomed into RΩR, he begins to pick up on the sort of attitude and behavior he feels he needs to "fit in" — he turns on his friend mike, he joins in on the cruel pranks they pull, and his mindset starts to change...!

The ROAR OMEGA ROAR fraternity is made up of the best of the best. They’re the smartest, most skilled, scariest monsters at Monsters University, and come from families with a long, proud history of Scaring. While the RΩRs may be preppy in dress, they are ferocious in action and downright ruthless if necessary. Self-declared as the most elite house on campus, the RΩRs are lead by Johnny Worthington who presides over the house like an all-powerful monarch. Eager to continue their Scare Games winning streak, the RΩRs will do whatever it takes to stay on top. (production notes)

the fact that johnny let him into RΩR at all is fascinating/a little wild, cus he's still got that nervous, nerdy disposition at the start, and it feels as if he absolutely doesn't have the attitude to fit in with them especially when johnny is all about appearances... so i have to wonder what happened to land him in this position in the first place! (and i'll be honest — what we actually see of them in the movie and in general isn't really all that interesting, since a lot of it is either off-screen or the plot is busy covering other, more important stuff in its runtime rather than giving them much of a chance to shine... but that's why we're here right now, to speculate on that dynamic. and because i'm insane!) (it's also not something we're even supposed to think about too hard, but when do i let THAT stop me?)

the question here is definitely about what he can get out of having someone like randy on the team, in what he can use him for, and in a way, it sort of has the same energy as getting asked out as a joke... i can imagine the rest of the RΩRs were pretty skeptical at first, so for johnny to reassure them he knows what he's doing is fun to think about, although... i'd also expect some backhanded comments comparing him to sulley in his time there — a little salt in the wound for later. given how it's randy's ability to "camouflage" that got him into all of these situations, good and bad, i like to think he accidentally managed to scare johnny with it at some point, and while randy's response was to panic because he just bumped into Johnny Worthington III... it's still something that does catch his attention and he thinks it's a cute enough trick. outside of being a little one-trick wonder for them, i could also imagine he noticed randy's association with mike and purposefully had an eye on him for that reason, in a similar fashion to how johnny plays with tylor's relationships in monsters at work, where he picks tylor specifically to turn him against val in the softball game and put another bad mark on their relationship status ("y'know, i sorta had trouble figuring out which team you were REALLY playing for...") and all that... even the fact that randy is willing to switch sides on a dime at the offer (something that tylor certainly takes a while on) is all johnny needs to hear. with the scare games coming up, and having just lost sulley on the team, i can also imagine he might be a little desperate...

after all, randy is a pretty rounded guy — he's still doing well academically, while he also isn't as much of a stick in the mud as mike is, yet we see he's already got the potential to be scary in utilizing his camouflage, and... he's also easy to manipulate, eager and even desperate to do anything if it means he gains the approval of someone like johnny...!

and johnny is playful in such an alluring way, and even if other characters like mike can very clearly see the fakeness in johnny's demeanor, he's outwardly "kind" enough for a naïve randy to truly mistake it as all genuine, and can't help but to be easily drawn in by johnny's charm. i can imagine him getting kind of teased in there without even realizing it but johnny a bit facetiously getting others to back off a bit, which leaves an impression on him... on the outside, it kinda looks like johnny's taking him under his wing, but for the most part... it's more like johnny playing with his prey. a test run on using people as he does nowadays. a little pet... of course, all of this to randy? to not only be noticed, but also picked out of everyone else by someone like johnny worthington...? what a sweet taste of validation. no one like johnny has ever recognized or noticed him, and to seriously give him a chance. maybe he wasn't as socially awkward or as much of a loser as he thought he was! randy genuinely wants to impress johnny, to hold the attention he gets from him, to feel like he's accepted and truly part of the crew, and even be... friends...?

i want him to be fascinated with johnny, to idolize him, of the symbol of what he stands for, of what he has to teach him and of what randy has to learn from everything. after all, johnny's always been everything randall wishes he could be, both past and present — johnny is confident (as he compliments mike on), suave, and talented, already set-up at home and in his future career paths, he's got power and endless attention/validation and all that through his popularity... truly, he's the "coolest" of the "cool" kids.

and if this is what he wants, with johnny included in the mix... i want to highlight that, to carry it on and see how it'll change in the present time. in this way, you kind of concentrate a dynamic and person into symbolizing a desire, and warp it into something else, which inherently makes it a little... dangerous to chase. and i feel like it's something that makes a lot of sense of what could exist off-screen, y'know?

(in designing my gijinkas for these guys, i give johnny a classic slick-backed hairstyle, only for randall's monsters, inc., design to mimic it along with a popped collar for himself — a carrying over of that inspiration in a subtle way, where you might not even notice unless you put them side by side. i see a lot of people design randall as a bit more formally-uptight, but in my opinion the vibe he gives off is definitely a "corporate sleazy wannabe cool-guy" rather than just "office worker")

even with as brief of a time as he's with the RΩRs, i love thinking of what he must've picked up from it all... in order to stick around, he's got to play johnny's game by johnny's rules, lest the idea of getting kicked off hovers over his head damocles-style. to start as a baseline for his personality shift, all then compounded with his growing cynical bitterness and with his grudge piling on itself over the years. he seems pretty straight-laced when we meet him, after all — the guy starts out trying to get in with the crowd by making them cupcakes of all things, which may be very cute, but it seems a little off of the target demographic he's aiming for... and it's fun thinking of them engaging in a lot more rowdy and mature of things than he's used to (congrats to randy on the first underage drinking experience) since he's also the freshman to a lot of their seniors. even when he is finally in with them, a lot of his body language throughout the movie is still very nervous/to himself, so it's fun to imagine him trying despite that to imitate their behavior and join in on the chaos... to give him a little bit of experience. (honestly, he's so susceptible to peer pressure at this point he might as well be on an ad campaign talking about it...)

i've also played around with the idea of randy being offered to rejoin RΩR after sulley turns down johnny at the end of the movie, because i absolutely would love for him to have more time in there, but i think the idea actually takes away from the impact of things a Lot... the point of things here is that randall feels personally victimized by having something taken away from him, as if he's truly LOST everything here, by no fault of his own... since, at this point in time, johnny is also a lot more shallow in his judgements, so i feel like randall's place in humiliating them and in being the "weak link" of the team means i find it hard to believe that johnny would ever let him back in, but, as i said... i've still played around with an avenue for it anyway. i can imagine he got teased for the incident for a long time, and bringing it up in present day would REALLY hit a nerve...

and by the end of things, he's under the impression that johnny genuinely thought he was on the same level as everyone else, and how it's sulley's fault — all from one little slip up — that his dreams were ripped from him... and maybe, that randy and johnny were even... friends...!

dynamic in monsters at work

i'll start off this part of the essay by saying i don't really enjoy how they've written randall in monsters at work so far. there's a certain balance of his character that feels off to me. and they do sort of accomplish the energy he has (the voice is also really throwing me off) but they also really play up his general snarky attitude/mischievousness in a way that's written really... lame. it's not good! i think he'll need to have more screentime to really say for sure how well they've done him overall, and as usual, the fault is more in the execution of the ideas rather than in the ideas themselves. the actual building blocks they've given me are very interesting, as we'll see, and i really hope the writers step up their game again and know what they're doing with him if they give us another season... on the other hand, i think how they've written johnny is nearly perfect, as i feel like it's a very logical continuation of his character, and the way they ramp up his subtle manipulation is excellent. there's so much to him that looks completely normal on the surface, and is enough to effortlessly fool the viewer if they're not paying attention, but is all apart of the long game and absolutely woven in there tightly if you're looking close enough. and when johnny's character has circled around so well into utilizing the original unresolved motivations he had in mind from the start — of wanting to maintain the legacy before him — personally, i feel like it's only fair for randall's character to do the same in a new, twisted way, as neither of them continue to learn their lessons... and if you're gonna pair them up again, how the past affects them now is an utterly unavoidable topic, so i'm going to LoseTM my mind if johnny's relationship and influence on him never comes up again in a future randall storyline.

even so, i think we can all agree that the way johnny and randall meet up was completely fumbled, and it's something i would adjust and change to be completely different if i could. sulley and mike were able to find their way out of banishment just fine, and randall could easily do the same by finding another door eventually. (i've heard someone suggest that johnny was just happening to be scaring at the time and randall is interpretating it as johnny outright coming to save him, and as much as i love that sort of thinking for randall, as we'll see, i still think that's a bit too unclear and coincidental...) i have no idea of a better alternative at the moment of writing this, though. EDIT: i do like this as a starting point!

all that aside, what is actually going on in their relationship here, anyway?!

we're going to have to wait and see, but i can imagine a world in which the writers take a route of randall having planned to backstab johnny in some way, and i feel like something like that is... predictable. maybe he's secretly wanting to get back at johnny for underestimating him. maybe his tendency to go so far he loses track of the whole point of it all has him lean even further into the desire to be #1 and eventually wants someone like johnny beneath him too, under his control. maybe there's an echo of competitiveness, where mike and sulley lift each other up, johnny and randall end up tearing each other down. i don't know! and yet, the way this all of this plays out, with johnny now in jail, doesn't really leave any room for anything like this to actually go and happen in front of us at least...

and really, it all depends on what randall's goal even is at this point — as i've talked about in the past sections, i get the feeling how in his case it may actually be more about the personal grudge and response to those who've wronged him, and the following desire to put them in their place once and for all. especially after monsters, inc., he's very much honing in on the revenge angle before anything else and will be especially going forward, which, at this point... could use some spice to it, y'know? (<- scared)

i also can't buy the idea that they would secretly hate each other, and especially not outwardly so. i think it's only natural for them to get on each other's nerves a bit as part of the dynamic, even if just through their natural clash of methods and attitudes — randall's got an awful temper, so he'll be complaining no matter who he's with, but johnny is also incredibly good at maintaining his cool as he wants to keep people wrapped around his finger... still, if sulley mike fight like an old married couple, they should too. i think part of the fun in them together is how randall is usually the straight man in a lot of his other dynamics, such as with mike or even fungus, but when paired up again with johnny he's got a great opportunity to be the one reeled back in, which we don't usually get to play with... and so they complement each other in a fun way. short fuse vs almost unshakable demeanor, openly hostile vs openly friendly, defensive, fragile ego vs genuine confidence...

we've also got a final question here in terms of "using" one another, and what they have right now is a mutually beneficial situation — an already established "you scratch my back, i'll scratch yours" deal. johnny's clearly looking for a good asset in randall, which is enough for him to consider a team up, and randall is looking for a good way to get revenge on monsters, inc., so working in johnny's overarching scheme is great on that. so in a way, of course they're "using" each other! (it's also fun to think about how they must really enable each other to not be able to really grow past their issues and into better people, very unlike what mike and sulley's friendship does for them, as the goal of everything is both of their hangups intertwined as they're stuck chasing the past... if the storyline goes on, it's only going to be more of randall refusing to let go)

okay, okay, okay — so if randall wasn't planning to backstab him for any reason, and they don't secretly hate each other, and they really did just happen to be working together in the awareness of a mutually beneficial relationship, then...

we have a guy who believes johnny went out of his way to save him (with the fact that he apparently cares enough to help him out at all being notable in itself) and now they've been working together since he "owes him one" (a doubtfully binding contract for mister randall boggs, I Know What You Are). randall is written as extra mischievous, even to the point of being kind of juvenile about it... and to top it all off, he thinks him and johnny were friends in college, actively referencing that period in their lives. joined at the hip. besties. when all of this is coming from a guy who's held a grudge for the past 20 years over the incident that severed the connection they had in the first place, and when we take the rest of the concepts i've been building up to for the entire post, doesn't it all just scream a regressive denial of the past?! if the whole "besties" thing isn't just a weird side-effect of bad writing (and really, i would like to trust the writers here...) i feel like there's a perfect avenue here???

i wouldn't be surprised if any of this was how they went about it, and we know what his main focus is at the end of the day, but it's the idea of randall genuinely still wanting johnny's praise and approval, companionship, and to be his little henchman again in this era that appeals to me the most to play around with.

think about how much value must be placed on what happened at the scare games for it to domino effect so hard into what he is now, after all this time! and its just so... wonderfully naïve of him. randall, who's a cynic, now jaded beyond recognition of what he once was and practically a different person these days, a loner and an asshole with no real connections anymore... who still can't resist the craving of a connection, and deep inside it all, still has a piece of what randy wanted in his heart... all through his boss, johnny — in part the starring idol symbolization of past aspirations, something he's lost but has now reclaimed, the only person who could ever hope to understand him, all wrapped up into someone deviously charming as he is... isn't that compelling? an opportunity like this, where he can work together with johnny worthington and also get his revenge on monsters, inc. at the same time... it's all coming up RANDALL! i want to take his character, put him in a container, shake him around, and tell him You Are Not Immune To Very Real Human Emotions regardless of how self aware he is about it. it kind of takes things back around in a satisfying way for me, where despite how much they've changed, they fall back into a similar, yet different dynamic, in which old habits die hard. i think it'd be so interesting to really play it up!

despite the mutual awareness of the relationship, there's still a very recurring imbalance here as there was before, where johnny's his boss, and randall is the henchman... and if randy really does still think they're friends above all else, and the part of him despising being second-best is still relevant in a general sense, that opens up a lot of fun perception-shattering paths...

my favorite tidbit about the two is how they address each other — johnny is on a first-name basis with nearly everyone, as it's apart of his own personal brand of manipulation in his openly friendly and casual demeanor to open up a sense of familiarity, in order to keep other people's guards down. on the other hand, randall calls people by their last names, usually dripping with scorn while he's at it (fungus, sullivan, wazowski...) and yet, with each other... it's the complete opposite. we only ever see johnny refer to him as "boggs", again, despite even his other employees being first-named, and randall calls him a more familiar and respectful "johnny" in return, despite him being his boss, which is... an absolutely insane detail that i hope stays intact, because what the fuck. when johnny is as calculated as he is about stuff like this, very purposefully insisting on that first-name basis, to call randall of all people "boggs"... i like to compare it to how one might withhold a kiss from someone nonverbally asking for it. a little ah ah ah. despite how close they may get otherwise, it's a tool of leverage, a way of keeping him at arms length all the same... he knows randall wants something like that, but he doesn't let him have it. (although, i'm thinking about the idea of him on a very special occasion calling him Randall, maybe even a Randy to butter him up/get something from him/keep him from doing something impulsive because it really gets at his attention...)

and i think that kind of sets the scene for how i imagine randall is more invested in this than he is, as he always has been... randall truly addresses him like a friend after the introduction, referencing the past in a pretty notable way, and yet johnny sticks to the formality...?

you still got it, boggs!

even so, i also want to avoid the bit of overlap with chet's situation, who still feels completely unacknowledged by johnny. i've always thought it was a bit weird that johnny's front isn't extended to chet, so i have to wonder if he's always been a bit of a subtle punching bag, an outlet for annoyance, since he knows — or rather, thinks — that after all of this time, chet won't stand up for himself or leave no matter what he does, even when he doesn't really care for him all that much. and i don't think that extends to randall at all... with how johnny responds to him going up to jumpscare tylor, where he shoves chet off of him and then immediately goes to play it up and throw a bit of praise in randall's way... i can imagine he gets a bit of special treatment! even the loyal chet wouldn't get to drink afterhours with johnny in his stupid mancave. (imagine the jealousy angle they could've played up here... maybe even with tylor and randall too? he'd fucking HATE tylor's ass...)

i have to admit, i am a little too obsessed with the idea i proposed earlier of randall as being like johnny's little "pet" and enjoying it as such. after all, they must've been working together for quite a while now, and randall would honestly be REALLY good at being the evil cat on the villain's lap... he should put that on his resume or something, because he's gonna do such a good job at being johnny's henchman, something both normal to want and possible to achieve. curling up to him for attention and praise, and johnny keeping him close as company on top of it as someone he can really let everything in on... like a confidante of sorts. a best friend. a... silly little lizard. (randall is this comic to me)

while i do keep getting a bit mad at the writing for him in the show, it's also kind of hilarious how petty and juvenile the stunts randall pulls are, even if i don't think he's nearly as sly as he should be. in monsters, inc., he absolutely is a little impish, as well as insanely petty... but is overall still trying to keep on the down-low and be cautious about everything, openly scolding fungus the whole movie. and yet, i do genuinely adore the idea of him being more excitable, unhinged, and mischievous when he's working with johnny, sort of bringing him back around to those glory days, chasing old highs... even getting kind of playful, which is another side of him we don't really get to use very often. maybe even... a bit happy for once in his life? C'mon, Johnny, it'll be just like we used to!

i can imagine him wanting johnny to see him in a new light and validate what he's become once and for all, as if to say, Look at me, Johnny — I've gotten rid of my ooey-gooey interior just like you wanted! You'll take me back now, right? he's not that same nervous young guy from before, still in the process of leaving his old pink-and-white polka-dotted hearts self behind... now he's a capable and underhanded perfect henchman for the job, now he's off the rails, and he's still got something to prove all over again, since... apparently, his ego's not as rock-solidly immovable as he thinks it is. in fact, in comparison to johnny, his ego is pretty fragile and he can get very sensitive and defensive at times... an echo of not truly having ditched that early insecurity. so when things like praise and bribery are tools in johnny's toolkit, i can imagine him being effective in sort of taming randall at times, calming him down... after all, wouldn't that make it all worth it? deep down, the idea of for real private attention and praise??? from johnny worthington????? now finally being able to appreciate his efforts again, to forgive him and accept him back? the college boy buried inside of him is very satisfied with this situation, to say the least. he finally feels more on johnny's level, less like an apprentice in training, he's got the experience of his own... and that leaves him wide open for johnny to have him wrapped around his finger all over again. (i love a villain who earnestly thinks they've gotten rid of feelings like that, casting aside vulnerability, but in reality there's still a part of them who really hasn't)

and johnny is, in fact, impressed in how he's changed, even if he thinks he could be a little more subtle in his methods. (i can imagine that's something they'd bicker over, of randall bringing back his spoils of victory but johnny wanting him to play it safe... even though, hey, he never gets caught, does he?!)

i really do think it's fun for him to be entertained/amused by having randall around, especially in a world where he's got to keep things a secret from most people in his life and keep things up on friendly terms first and foremost... randall gets to see a side of him that no one else gets to see — not even his family! sure, it was a lot easier back when randall was mild and eager to please, but, in a way, someone who could really bite back brings a bit of excitement to it all... who can tease him in return... y'know, i bet that's part of what makes johnny like claire, except with randall he can still always knock him down a peg if he needs to... and i'll get back to that in a second. the weird fondness that can arise from that shared company, that only they in this position can really have, the lines between being under his thumb and genuine compansionship blurring... is so good to me. even with how convoluted the plan was, they're a real power couple at the end of the day!

in a way, johnny needs randall more than randall needs johnny when it comes to accomplishing what they want... and outside of that is another story. if you think about it, johnny is a LOT more intertwined in randall's arc than randall is in johnny's, when during the recap of things, it was always a lot more about randall's side of it all. johnny could still easily move onto new endeavors, where everything that happened to randall involving RΩR has kind of changed the whole trajectory of his life. johnny could've not even met randall and probably would end up in a similar position as he is...

since, unfortunately... we do have all that about johnny's "fatal flaw". when johnny is the person he is, when randall is the person he is, there's always going to be something off here.

what johnny's looking for is a capable asset, and randall pulls through in that — he's a good henchman at the end of the day, as long as he's a good henchman at the end of the day. johnny's a star figure in randall's past, but randall's shoes could still be filled by anyone else who could do the job better. i do think there's something very transactional about how he goes about the given relationships we see, where he often places a value on people through what they can do for him and how he can use and manipulate them... and that very likely extends to randall, where he is definitely more invested in the personal aspects of it all than johnny is. i can imagine them both underestimating each other, where randall thinks he's capable of turning the tides at any right chance when all's said and done if he wants to (maybe even thinks he's gone a bit soft!) and johnny especially knows he calls the shots around here, with there still always being ways he sees him as the same young and impressionable guy as before...

after all, if randall were to get a redemption arc, he'd have to let go of his grudges, and let go of johnny and what he symbolizes for good... maybe even having tylor confront him and break it to randall that johnny doesn't — and never has — cared about him in the way he wants him to. there's a lot of ways they could still maybe play with that even without johnny actually in the picture, even though imagining otherwise is interesting, and i wish i got more time actually spent with them because if left to my own devices this is what starts happening to me...!

check out how johnny looks at randall when shows up though ⬇️

the claire affair

alright, just for fun and to close everything all off... you probably knew it was coming, but the idea of a sort of weird gay thing going on and/or affair situation between johnny and randall here is pretty funny. not as funny as tylor and johnny, and of course is not something that lasts, but what else do you think i was leading up to present here?

i do think that johnny loves claire, but you kind of have to speculate about them a little bit, y'know? in a narrative sense, i think he's married and has a family and all that in part to make him look better, as if to point at him and say, Look at this guy with his loving wife, maybe he really has changed if he's found someone he loves and she loves him back! Look! They've got a nice little family together! and yet, they do feel a bit thrown in there at random, and i hope claire has a presence at all next season, where we get to see how she reacts to and deals with everything, cus they're going to have to cover what happens to FearCo... or, i would hope so, anyway. (😳)

when it comes to johnny and claire, i like to think with johnny's way of interacting with the world, after everything, it's an attempt for him to be more in tune with these things and really, genuinely try (although maybe not even consciously) to be more Normal about it all... his vices slip through on occasion, but it is just enjoyment of companionship while he's navigating struggling with being genuine and letting walls down and all that, at least part of an attempt at being a better person in all those years of life going on as usual... and yet, when he's always keeping everyone at a distance, there's still just something kind of... intangibly missing in the end? even claire can't really place it, because in the end, everything really is normal enough to not think about it too hard at least. i can imagine he fell for her over the years, maybe after meeting again after college, they got hitched, and even though the honeymoon years were fun, in current times it's almost sort of going through the motions, in a way, for both of them, really. We don't need to think about it too hard, this is what we do, we are a Married Couple, we have a Normal life, i'm satisfied, aren't you satisfied, Claire? We get along, and we like each other, and its Good 👍 its Okay 👍 We are a Normal Family. (and if everything's a secret to them too, no doubt he still puts up a performance with them...)

and yet, she's got her kids at work and is always seen as a unit with them, and johnny's always busy, they're both always pretty busy, so who knows how much is delegated to her while he's also off scheming with randall in his little mancave or trying to win tylor over? i know i mentioned earlier that johnny is usually on a first name basis with people, and it seems to be a pretty intentional little detail that sticks out like a sore thumb with randall... and yet, we never actually see him call her by only her first name, either. the most we get out of him is "claire worthington", last name attached, and in public, it's always "mrs. worthington" even when he's just... chasing after her to go and talk to her like a normal person??? you would think his wife of all people would get a first name pass at least once, so it almost feels like an active reminder of how he's a Married Man under His Name...

and i think there's a very hilarious and potent concept in the fact that claire and randall are both snarky as hell, even having a very similar vocal inflection as their casual speaking voice, just a little drawn out... as well as her character being taken to utilize in monsters university led to her being described as "something of an achiever" herself. so considering what i said about someone who could bite back and tease him in return... i think the second you cross over into "reminds me of traits of my wife" territory with a new, exciting spin to take you away from it all, it's like... Over.

trying to figure out how something like that would spark and who initiated it is also interesting, and my bets are on randall. it was johnny who was sort of guiding him around in the college days, but randall, who's got reason to be a lot more invested in this, being the one to tempt him into that reflects in an interesting way with how they've changed... and i think it would be funny if it actually took a bit for randall to get him to crack, for him to even feel Guilty about it as a pinnacle of self control, but... all of this is already such a secret, and randall's already his little secret in more ways than one, so what's one more if no one finds out?

that's how he plays, isn't it...?

anyway they suck blowing them up forever and so on and so forth

#talk #movies #disney #monsters at work #randall boggs #monsters inc #SOMETHING CAME OVER ME OKAY #i'm probably gonna edit this later too for some alternative interpretations and like what else could be done with them in another world #i wanna do an analysis of how they write johnny's manipulation throughout the season because it's really well crafted and i love it #i gotta go and finish all my other shit though i've been slacking on having anything at all organized #back to the shuro essay...#actually i gotta like clean up everything around me first

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