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writingseaslugs · 11 months

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Savanaclaw: When They're Sick

This one was fun to write, even if I was brain dead while writing the last half of Ruggie and all of Jack’s. I should be going to bed since I’m doing this after work, but the want to write is strong today.

Disclaimer: All characters in this series are aged up. For more information about my version of this world and the type of reader you can expect, please click the “Au Information” below!

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Savanaclaw: When They’re Sick

Something that Beastmen didn’t talk about was their cold season. Illnesses affected the different races…well differently. For beastmen it meant they were significantly weaker; you’d think they were on death’s door. Even getting out of bed to take care of their needs was taxing. It was like the man flu but made ten times worse. Any prideful beastman refuses to acknowledge this shortcoming of their race, but it was undeniable. The moment one beastman got sick, the others stayed far away so they didn’t suffer the same fate.

Leona Kingscholar

Leona is both the easiest and hardest person to take care of while sick. The good news is he goes by the theory that he can just sleep it all off and will take that route. Still, he needs medicine and food, and when he’s too weak to leave the bed, he’s calling on Ruggie to help him out. Bad news is Ruggie is also sick and can barely get out of bed, so he was planning on just suffering for a few days until he could venture out and get what he needed.

That was when Leona had a wonderful idea and contacted you. In his mind, you still owed him big time for that time he let you stay in his room, and you were about to repay a part of that debt today. So don’t be surprised when you’re called to his room and he’s treating you like one of the servants. Put the sick lion in his place and inform him that you’re not a servant and, although you’ll take care of him, if he continues to treat you like one you’re dropping food and medicine by his bed and leaving. He gets the memo and is feeling far too crummy to even argue with you.

Now Leona hates medicine with a burning passion. The artificial sweetness in cough syrups and the herbal qualities of everything else was gag inducing. You’re going to have to figure out a game plan to force it into his mouth so he’ll get better, because he downright refuses to let it get close to him. Sneaking it into his food is also a no-go since he can smell it. So have fun wrestling a lion to get him to take his meds. Thankfully he’s weaker than normal so it’s a lot easier than you’d think.

Leona is picky when it comes to what he’s eating while sick. He’s going to be wanting something with a lot of meat in it in order to get some of his energy back. A good meat stew is your best bet, and you’ll have to cut the vegetables to be so fine he can’t pick them out. He needs them, he knows this, but they’re still gross and he hates that you’d serve him a dish with it in there.

The moment Leona is better he’s shooing you away. He no longer needs you and therefore you can get out of his dorm. Wait…you want him to thank you? Please, you were simply repaying a debt that you owed him. He’ll thank you if that’s what it takes for you to get out of his fur. He might even lean his head on yours while he says it before ushering you towards the door so he can be left alone and sulk about how weak he was in front of someone. His ego is gonna be needing some recovery after the Ramshackle prefect won a wrestling match and forced him to take medicine.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie is another person who normally will just suffer in silence when he’s sick. Everyone in the dorm realizes that he’s ill and stays far away so they don’t catch it, so it’s easier than you’d think. He just isolates himself as he gets better, occasionally managing to drag himself out of bed in order to grab a drink or use the restroom. Making food was out of the question though, so he just accepts the fact that his stomach is going to be growling until he’s better.

Literally the moment you hear that Ruggie is sick, you should be going to help. The poor boy is probably in the fetal position on his bed, hating life right now. His fever will be so high he doesn’t even know what’s going on around him since he’s absolute dog shit at taking care of himself. He’s normally the one who takes care of others so when he’s sick he just hopes for the best. Thankfully there won’t be much arguing when you begin helping him. Again, his fever is so high he might think you’re a hallucination.

Ruggie will take medication no problem for the most part, mainly because he’s not even going to know what you’re handing him until it’s already in his mouth. He is going to be complaining about the foul taste and asking for some water afterwards, but at least he didn’t spit it right out. He might comment that you betrayed his trust by giving him something gross, but he’ll forget about it in ten minutes if the fever has anything to say about it.

He is going to devour anything you bring him. Honestly he probably hasn’t eaten anything all day, or since he got sick, so he’s starving. He probably won’t be tasting anything either, just happy to have something in his stomach. He might get a bit teary eyed as he thanks you for the food. It doesn’t matter if you made it or bought something at Sam’s to microwave, food is food and he’s been wanting some for a while now.

Ruggie will be suspicious for a while after he’s better, wondering what the ulterior motive for helping him out was. He’s not used to people just taking care of him because they care. Clearly you’re after something…right? He’s broke, so you can’t have his money. Reassuring him that he doesn’t owe you anything won’t help the situation; even if he adores you he simply doesn’t believe you’d put yourself through that for no reason. Just tell him he can help you next time you’re sick and you can call it even.

Jack Howl

Jack honestly doesn’t get sick all too often; he takes care of himself and works out, so his immune system is something to be admired. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get sick, and when it does it hits him harder than most. He normally self-isolates so he can get better. He’ll drag himself out to get food and take care of himself since he knows it’s important, but he’s going to be pushing his limits by doing these simple tasks.

Originally he’s going to try and push you away the moment you offer, worried that he might end up getting you sick. Once you reassure him that you’ll be fine, he gives in. He’s too weak to put up much of an argument anyway, so might as well just roll with the punches. He’s going to try and make things as easy as possible for you and not ask for much; he’ll mainly be asleep for most of it.

Thankfully Jack has no issues with taking medication. In fact, he doesn’t even see them as being disgusting. He’s taken green shots pre-workout before and those are nasty. He’ll down any medication you give him and you’ll have his full trust to not poison him. The main thing is the smell, if it’s too artificial smelling he’s going to be hating the scent of it.

He’s not picky when sick, in fact he can barely taste anything you bring him. As long as it’s healthy he’ll be satisfied. He’ll be asking if you want to sit down and eat with him, feeling awkward if you just stare at him. Meals shared together taste better anyway, so might as well do it. Besides, if you see his tail wagging behind him when you accept the suggestion, you’ll know he’s well on his way to getting better.

He’ll be following you around like a lost puppy once he’s all better. He’s thankful for what you did and feels bad for the trouble he’s caused, so he’s going to make sure nothing troubles you for a while. Expect him to open doors for you and carry your books. Just let him do it, it’s his own way of thanking you for spending those few days while he felt dead.

#Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland x Reader #TWST #TWST x Reader #TWST Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland Disney #TWST Disney #Leona Kingscholar #Leona Kingscholar x Reader #Leona x Reader #Ruggie Bucchi #Ruggie Bucchi x Reader #Ruggie x Reader #Jack Howl #Jack Howl x Reader #Jack x Reader

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munsons-hellfire · 3 months

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The Power of Emotions Part 2 | Eris Vanserra

SUMMARY: You’ve been taken and Eris doesn’t know where you are. His father isn’t budging. Eris does the last thing he’d ever expect to do. But he'll do anything to get his mate back.

PAIRINGS: Eris Vanserra x Archeron!Reader

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI, mature themes, description of torture, descriptions of death.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here is part 2, I will be back with a part 3. Apparently there is so much I can still do with this so I'm excited to share it. The next chapter will definitely explore what happened during the 4 months. I hope you enjoy this, and if you wish to be added to future taglist for this series please let me know in the comments.

WORD COUNT: 4.0K

Eris made it outside, he stopped where you were supposed to be. The only trace that you were there was your smell. He turned around in a circle looking trying to figure out where you’d gone. Suddenly he was thrown back against the wall with a knife to his throat again.

“Where is she, what did you do with her?” Azriel’s voice was stone cold as he held his blade to Eris’s throat. The rest of the Night Court was now outside looking between the two males.

“Azriel, let go of him.” Rhys commanded.

He struggled but he eventually did pull back from Eris. The male felt his side of the bond, it was glowing and strong, but there was nothing from your side of the bond. He wondered if it was because you and him hadn’t quite accepted the bond in a traditional way.

“What’s wrong?” Feyre asked, taking the look of fear on his face.

“I can’t feel her.” Eris cried out.

“What do you mean?” Rhys proceeded to ask.

“I can’t feel my mate, I can’t feel her through the bond.” Then he paused, he knew what had happened. He collapsed to the ground. “My father. He took Y/N.” The words struck each member of the Night Court. Eris then looked up at Rhys. “I think it’s time I call in for some help.”

───── ❝ ◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸ ❞ ─────

Four long months had passed, you weren’t in the Autumn Court. That much was clear. You were on land that he owned, you wanted to believe that you were in the human lands. You knew that was a lie. You knew exactly where you were because while you had access to your power you couldn’t do anything else.

You couldn’t feel the bond to Eris, if there even was something you could hold on to. Beron had spent the last four months forcing you to torture people against your own will. If you failed to do so it was a beating, or a burning, or worse. He’d have one of his guards cut your body. That was worse than the burns and the beating.

Currently you were lying on the floor, some of the cuts on your body were fresh and still bleeding. You were in the same outfit you’d been in the day that Beron had taken you away from everyone. The dress had been ripped in certain places but the touch of a knife. The door’s opened and you slowly looked up to see Beron staring down at you.

“Get up, Empath.” His voice was stern. You followed, fearing what might happen today if you didn’t listen to him. You kept your eyes down, your arms to your side as you followed him down the hallway to another room. The door opened and Beron looked at you.

“What do I need to do?” You asked in a quiet voice.

“You're going to find out the same thing you’ve been searching for the last 4 months. I need to find that stone.” Beron told you.

You gave him a nod and walked into the room. Beron had been searching for a stone that would allow him to further gain the power that he was losing. His son was itching to take over his throne; he could feel it. He needed access to that stone, though from what you’d gathered the stone wasn’t for him it was for you.

The stone would allow you to amplify your powers as an Empath. You weren’t sure what it would do to you or for you but you knew it wouldn’t do Beron any good. The door was closed and Beron disappeared leaving to do the thing you hated most right now.

───── ❝ ◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸ ❞ ─────

Azriel landed outside Tamlin’s mansion. The High Lords and Ladies had been here coming up with a game plan trying to figure out where Beron had taken you. Azriel had discovered where you were, and he was going to deliver the news to your sisters and your mate. He as well as Nesta and the others had learned to put what happened aside.

Eris couldn’t sleep much less have the energy to argue with any of the Inner Circle about his almost non existent relationship with you. But the second he had you in his arms he’d take you away from them. He hoped that you wanted to accept the bond, because he was itching to do so. Azriel walked into the mansion and headed towards Tamlin’s war room. Eye’s found him when he opened the doors and stood there searching for Eris.

“I know where Y/N is.” Azriel said, speaking to Eris.

“Where?” Eris asked.

“He’s taken her to Hybern. He’s looking for a stone.” Azriel walked to the edge of the table.

“Why? What stone?” Tarquin asked.

“According to legend there is a stone out there that can heighten any power. Except when we were learning more about Empaths we discovered that this stone is solely for an Empath.” Feyre explained looking around the room.

“So, Y/N can heighten her power?” Lucien asked, looking at his friend.

“Apparently.”

“We won’t let that happen.” Eris said, looking at Feyre. “She won’t touch that stone, I won’t let her.”

“What happens if she gets a hold of the stone?” Helion went on to ask.

“She could kill everyone.” Rhys said calmly.

“Let’s go then, before she finds out where the stone is.” Nesta spoke. Eris was the first to winnow away. The others followed behind him.

───── ❝ ◂ ❚ ⊱ꕥ⊰ ❚ ▸ ❞ ─────

You stood next to Beron in the middle of the horrid wasteland in the human realm. You had located the stone and you were going to dig it up and use it against Beron before he could figure out that he couldn’t use it. Then you were going to find out how to get back to your mate. Four months was too long for you to be away from him.

You were itching to accept the bond now more than ever. The two of you stood in the woods in the dead of night. You could feel the stone calling out to you. Beron had a few members of his guard with him as well just in case someone might attack.

“Come find me my darling Empath.” The voice called out to you. It was such a beautiful voice you wanted to follow it but not with Beron still by your side. He started talking to his guards, sending them off, all except two.

“One goes with you, the other stays here with me. You will find that stone and bring it back.” You didn’t answer him so Beron warmed his hand and grabbed a hold of your bare arm. Pain ran through your body as you looked down at where his hand was.

“Ow.” You cried out, and that only made his grip tighter on your arm. Then another warmed hand reached your other arm. The pain was getting worse and you tried to pull away. You couldn’t handle it anymore, you let everything out. The male fell to the ground along with the others, then you took your chance and ran.

The stone was humming as you ran closer and closer. You were gasping for air, your lungs on fire. The pain from Beron’s touch still hurting and rushing through your body. You were feeling dizzy and needed to get to that stone so you could use it to kill Beron and his men. Suddenly a body collided with yours. You hit your head on a rock when you made an impact with the ground.

A male pushed your shoulders down, reached for a knife and held it to your skin by your chest. A wicked smile brushed his lips as he stared down at you. The moonlight was bright and shining down on the two of you.

“I’ve been waiting so long to do this.” He leaned down closer to you, the blade touched your skin that wasn’t covered by the dress. He started to pull the blade back, cutting into your skin.

“Ah.” You cried out, closing your eyes as tears started to spring free.

“Such pretty cries.” He pulled the blade up to your neck and cut again, blood was falling from the freshly cut wounds. Then he moved to your right arm just above the handprint. The blade touched your skin, you had enough. You reached for something, anything that would help get this male. You mostly felt dirt underneath your hands, but then, a rock.

You weren’t sure if it was the one that you’d fallen on but you grabbed it and swung it into the head of the male. He fell off you with a scream dropping the knife next to your body. With a groan you picked yourself up from the ground reaching for the knife and held it tightly. The male was stopped by a tree. He started to pick himself up so you followed behind picking yourself up and running towards him.

The knife made contact with his chest and he stared straight at you. A groan left his mouth, the last sound he’d make. “Such pretty cries.” You remarked pulling the blade out and stabbing him again. He slumped forward and fell to the ground. You turned from the male and continued running through the woods until you felt a sense of relief.

The stone was glowing bright underneath the ground but you didn’t need to see it to know where it was. Falling to your knees you used your hands to dig the dirt up. As you got closer to the stone the glow started to show. Finally you were looking at it entirely. Your hand reached out for it.

“You’ve found me, Empath.” The voice said, happiness evident.

You could feel your power coursing through you, so strong, so powerful. “Give it here, Empath.” You stood deathly still hearing Beron’s voice. You turned slightly to look back at the High Lord.

“No.” You breathed out softly. “It doesn’t belong to you.”

He grunted, and started to move closer to you. You wanted to panic, you hadn’t trained with Cassian and Azriel, and your sister and friends for four months. You knew everything was still in there but you knew what you needed to do. You stepped forward, and took off running into the male knocking him back slightly.

He smirked at you. “Is that the best you can do, Empath?” He was starting to get on your nerves.

“Stop calling me Empath. I have a name.” You moved closer and punched him in the face. Then you pulled your hand back again and did the same thing over and over dropping the stone in the process. You didn’t know where the energy had come from but it was there. You felt Beron reaching for something, you grabbed a hold of his wrist and snatched what he had gone for.

It was another knife in your hands, you looked up at Beron to see the fear and panic in his eyes as he looked at you. A smirk graced your lips as you pulled your hand back and held it in the air but didn’t make a step to do anything.

“I’ve heard so much about you from my family. The rumors were true considering everything you’ve done to me in the span of four months. But I’ll make this very clear, High Lord. You will never ever harm another soul again, and you will never hurt your wife, or your sons again.”

You brought the knife down into his chest. You didn’t stop, tears streamed down your face, cries leaving your mouth. Suddenly hands wrapped around you, panic covered your body and you screamed at the top of your lungs. You were pulled away from Beron’s lifeless body.

“I’m here my love.” His voice, his handsome voice ran through your ears. You opened your eyes and saw Eris. His amber eyes, his red hair, his beautiful face. His hands were on your face. “It’s okay.” He told you. You could feel the gold bond singing so brightly. You hugged him tightly and cried into his chest.

The others stood around, they watched the scene unfold. Rhysand had seen you kill Beron. He was with Eris when you’d done it. He watched the power transfer over to Eris now that Beron was no longer alive. In just this moment alone, seeing Eris hold onto you in the middle of the woods, in the middle of the night, he knew that the Mother had blessed you with the right mate. Eris pulled back to look down at you.

“I want to accept the bond.” You whispered, but it was loud enough that not only had he heard it but everyone else that was there had heard it too.

“We will, but right now I want to take you home and clean you up. Can I do that, Little Fox?” He asked. You only nodded. Eris looked up at Rhys, he gave a nod and the two of you disappeared. He took you back to your home, not his.

“Why?” You asked, as you looked around in the familiar room. Your room.

“I thought you’d be more comfortable here than at my home. When you’ve healed I will take you, don't worry.” You gave a nod. He walked out of your room and into the bathroom while you sat down on the bed.

It felt uncomfortable to be on the bed so you stood back up and stood in the center of the room. Four months was too long for you, everything felt too comfy for you. A knock on the door indicated that someone was outside. You still stood there, Eris entered your bedroom briefly glancing at you and taking notice of your posture. He opened the door, Rhys and Feyre were there with their healer.

He stepped aside and the three walked in. Madja walked over to you while Rhys and Feyre stood with Eris. They were huddled in a circle while Madja was taking a look over you. Feyre placed her eyes on Eris.

“Has she said anything?” The High Lady questioned, concerned running from her voice.

“No, not really. She was confused why I brought her here and not to Autumn.” Eris explained.

“Do you mind if I go talk to her?” Rhys asked the male that would be his brother-in-law soon enough. Eris gave a nod of his head and Rhys walked away from them. He moved over to Madja who was still examining you. Your eyes found Rhys as he stepped near you.

“Can you show me everything that happened, Y/N?” He asked in your mind.

“Why? I-I can’t.” You whispered back to him, eyes pleading with him.

“I need to know what happened, Y/N. I need to know what Beron did to you.” His voice wasn’t cold but concerned. It had been so long since you’d seen Rhys show this side to you. It was almost like he was angry with what had happened to you. “It’s because I am. I told Feyre that I would keep you safe from that male. That I wouldn’t let him take you away from her again. It broke me to see Feyre cry herself to sleep because you were missing. I failed you, and I can never take that back. But I can learn from what Beron did, and Eris and I can find a way to prevent someone from taking you away from all of us again.”

You looked at him, your mouth gaping as the words came out. So you nodded your head, you let your mental shield down and allowed Rhys to enter. You showed him everything that happened after you had fallen out of the window. Tears fell down your face by the time he left your mind. Madja was almost finished, he walked over to Feyre and Eris and shared everything with them.

You stood still in the middle of the room as Madja left you and walked over to the High Lord and Lady and the newly appointed High Lord. All eyes were on her as she looked around at the three of them.

“I was able to heal the cuts left on her body, the recent ones,” Eris looked at you, a pained look on his face. “I was able to heal the recent burn marks as well. From what I could tell she had no broken bones. However, there is a lot of trauma she will have to work through. I think it's best that she stays here in the Night Court until she’s healed enough from the trauma.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Madja.” Rhys mentioned. The female healer looked at her High Lord. “Eris, will have to go back to his Court eventually, she won’t do good with the separation. She spent four months locked away from Eris.”

“Very well. But she will still need a support system in Autumn. Whoever she’s close with, excluding her mate, she needs them there at least every other day in order to heal.”

Feyre gave a nod of her head. “We’ll set up a schedule. We’ll make sure someone is with her every other day.” Eris gave a nod in agreement. Madja smiled then excused herself. Feyre and Rhys eyed Eris as he stared at you.

“We’ll let you take care of her, if you need anything just let us know.” Rhys said, as he and Feyre walked over to the door. Eris moved over to you, he placed a gentle hand on your elbow. He didn’t miss the way you jumped at the touch.

“It’s just me, I promise you’ll be safe.” His voice echoed through your ears. You forced a smile to your lips but Eris noticed that it wasn’t reaching your eyes. “Do you want me to help you clean up?” He asked tenderly. You only gave a nod of your head, you were finding words hard to speak.

Eris gently walked you into the bathroom. He helped you undress, helped you climb into the tub. Once you were in you pulled your knees to your chest. Eris rolled his sleeves up, he sat on his knees and started to clean your body.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Eris questioned, breaking the silence that had been filling the room.

“When can we go to your home? I mean, is that… Who is taking over his Court?” Finally you had spoken, it was slightly chipped and broken but Eris only wanted you to talk. At least then you wouldn’t be stuck in your head.

“I am.” He had said it with so much pride, and it made your heart beat faster. Without realizing it you had sent a wave of love down the bond. Eris felt it as he brought a brush to your hair to get the knots out.

“How?”

“Rhys and I, we were in the woods. We got there when you killed him, his power transferred over to me. I was shocked, but I didn’t have time to register what had happened because you needed me. I needed you to know that I was here, that I had found you.”

Finally you turned in the tub and stared up at your mate. “I’m sorry you saw that, me killing your father.”

“Don’t be, Little Fox. He was going to die anyway, Rhys and I had been working together the last 6 years to come up with a plan to overthrow the male. While I hate that he’s brought so much trauma to you, I am so beyond grateful that you were able to take a piece from him by killing him.”

A soft smile graced your lips, and this time it reached your eyes. Eris released a small breath, he knew that these next few months were going to be long. When you were finished in the bath Eris helped you out, dried your body and put clothes on. He carried you over to the bed and climbed in with you. Eris held you close to his body, his heat radiating off him and onto you.

At some point you and Eris had fallen asleep, Eris still held tightly on you. Nightmares were plaguing your mind. The pain that Beron had caused you, the pain that his men inflicted when Beron was to bored to torture you himself. You were shaking, sweat falling down your body. But worst of all you couldn’t escape the never ending nightmare.

Eris woke up to your screams echoing the room. He grabbed a hold of your body, warming his hands hoping it might help. That move only made you panic internally, you didn’t know how to control the new strength of your powers. Eris could feel the pain you were inflicting on him. He groaned trying to get past it so he could help you. He pulled his hands back from your skin, moved away from your body.

The pain was still there but the further away he was the better he got. “Rhys.” He called out, hoping the Daemati would hear his call. Moments later the door opened, Feyre and Rhys ran into the room with Azriel right behind him.

“What’s happening?” Feyre asked, walking towards her sister.

“No. Don’t get closer to her.” He whispered as he moved around the room and pulled Feyre back from you.

“What? Why?” The panic was evident in the High Lady’s voice as she looked at Eris.

“I believe that she can push her emotions out and use them as a weapon.” He paused, glancing around the room before his eyes finally landed on your body. You were still shaking, soft echoes of screams leaving your throat. He pulled his amber eyes away from you and looked at Rhys. “She touched that stone and amplified her powers. I tried to wake her up, but she was shielding herself against me and it hurt.”

“Well, that’s new.” Rhys remarked, staring at his sister in-law.

“What are we going to do then?” Azriel questioned.

“You have to go into her mind. I’m starting to wonder if she actually showed you everything that happened.”

“What are you saying?” Rhys asked, concerned in his voice.

“I’m saying that whatever is causing this, it’s worse than what she showed us, which means she didn’t show you everything.”

“I will put her to sleep. In the morning we’ll come up with a plan.”

Everyone agreed with the idea. Rhys moved as close as he could. He slipped into your mind, it was utter chaos and didn’t know where to go. Eris watched as Rhys stood still doing what his power allowed him to do. Finally Rhys pulled back and looked at them.

“She’s asleep. Her mind, it was chaos, all over the place.” Rhys paused, violet eyes landing on Feyre as he said his next words. “It looks like they tortured her with the memories of the Cauldron. All that work we did with her, to help heal her it’s gone. All gone.” Rhys wanted to fall to the ground, he truly felt that he had failed you.

“That’s not possible.” Feyre said.

“Beron, he knew how to break through any trauma and use it against them. That’s probably what he did with her. He somehow made her believe that she’d probably go back into the Cauldron if she failed.”

“This is a lot worse than we thought.” Rhys whispered. He looked to his brother. “Your only mission is to find out what exactly Beron did to Y/N. I will talk to Helion and see if there's anything further that might help. We will figure this out.”

Feyre and Eris gave a nod of their heads, but they had their eyes on you. You were calm now, you looked so peaceful. Eris walked away from them, climbed into the bed and pulled you close to his body. He wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on top of your head.

“We’re going to figure this out, Little Fox. I promise.” He whispered, not sure if you could truly hear him. The others took that as a sign and stepped out of the room leaving you with your mate. Tomorrow would be another day, and soon enough everything would be figured out.

TAGLIST: @fabulouslyflamboyant5 @lo0oserlex @thena101 @glaciuswduo @melsunshine @awkardnerd @glitterypirateduck @mariahoedt @acourtofbatboydreams @fuzzy6306 @impossibelle

#reader insert #x reader #eris vanserra x reader #eris vanserra #eris vanserra x archeron reader #feyre archeron #nesta archeron #helion #azriel #a court of thorns and roses #beron vanserra

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writingattemptsxx · 7 months

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Demons In Grief

MC is gone, so the demon brothers go through the five stages of grief.

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Something I posted on my AO3 and wanted to post here, also third day I posted something in a row (forgot is I posted my previous thing early today or yesterday), but this probably won’t as common, this is just to get my blog out there.

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Tw: Mentions of death

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Well known stages that humans go through, but even beings as powerful as the Demon Brothers, Avatars of the Seven Deadly Sins, will still experience them. The most potent time they experienced them was after your death, when you were taken from them, especially after you were taken too soon .

Denial

Lucifer buried himself in his work. He could have sworn you came into his office so many times, but when he looked to the door, you were never there. He just looked back down, trying to continue his work, only for the cycle to repeat later.

Mammon’s brain just tended to skip the information you weren’t there, as if it was just waiting for that information to be proven wrong, for you to just appear. He would just continue acting normal until you came back, even if you never did.

Levi shut himself in his room. He burned through double, maybe more, games and animes than he did before. Even while blasting through so many games and shows, there were some he didn’t touch, couldn’t finish, the ones you were playing/watching together or wanted to play/watch together. He was waiting for you to come back to touch those.

Satan’s mind just went blank. It wouldn’t register anything, much less the fact you’re gone. To an outsider, he looked like an empty shell, stuck in the world of his mind, his mind of nothingness.

Asmo sunk himself into his make up. He practiced new techniques and mastered old. He wouldn’t let a single mistake go. Not a single hair would be out of place. When you came back, his amazing beauty would be shown right next to yours.

Beel started to eat everything that entered into the house, except for a few. He was already known for his gluttony, but if he was eating he wouldn’t have to think. He wouldn’t have to think you weren’t there. The only thing he controlled his gluttony enough to skip over was your favorite foods and stuff you were saving to eat later. You would eat that later when you came back.

Belphie only woke up daily to spend time with you, but now you were only there while he was sleeping, so now it’s almost unheard for even Beel to see him up. All he needed was to see you, hug you, cuddle you, and if he had to sleep to do that, then so be it.

Anger

Lucifer felt angry at everything. You were precious to him, so how DARE the world allow ANYTHING to happen to you. He knew you were destined to leave, but it wasn’t supposed to be this soon. His inner self wanted to destroy anything that allowed it to happen, but he knew that would only make things worse, so he tried to keep it in as much as possible. Even though he tried to hide what he was feeling as much as possible, anyone in his vicinity could notice how much more snappy he became and harsh towards anything that might slightly upset him.

Part of Mammon’s anger went to his greed and the other part became destructive. The world didn’t treat his treasure preciously, so why should he treat the world’s treasures preciously? He tried to get his hands on anything he could possibly want and then some. If anything tried to get in his way, it didn’t come out of the altercation without some hurt to show at the best. He ended up tied from the ceiling many times over.

Levi usually knew better than to fall into gamer’s rage. It made his play worse when he fell into anger, but almost every inconvenience in his game made him so angry he lost three controllers, almost five, if two weren’t fixable. A few brothers tried to redirect him to anime, so he, hopefully, wouldn’t be at risk of breaking something, but even watching something couldn’t distract him from the anger he felt. Anger at what? He didn’t even know anymore.

Satan found even the smallest thing to get angry at. There was always something wrong around him, and with all the anger he had, his demon form was always out. You could pretty easily track Satan because there was always something, or someone, broken in his wake. If something got in his way, he would get it out, one way or another.

Asmo’s anger went towards making sure his appearance was spotless, perfect. NOTHING would even scuff his shoes, he wouldn’t let it. He even started forcing his perfection on his brothers. His brothers should know better than to sully you name with their, according to him, horrific looks.

Beel wanted food. Food. Food. FOOD. His hunger stung more than usual and was never satiated. Not even a ten course meal could take the slightest edge off the hunger. How could others withhold food from him. He was obviously the one who needed it. Give. Him. The. Food. NOW.

Every sound became too loud for Belphie. Every light became too bright. He was trying to sleep. He wanted to sleep. How dare the horrible world try to assert itself in his life. The horrible world that took you away.

Bargaining

Lucifer played every event on his mind in repeat. What if he had done this instead? What if he had done that? Would you still be alive? He is one of the strongest demons, so why couldn’t he keep you with him? Was there something he could have done? Is there something he can do?

Mammon started stealing small things from your room to keep. A pencil here. A small price if jewelry there. He always had something of yours in his pocket. If he had these things form you with him, you wouldn’t be truly gone, right?

Levi started watching some anime’s you two had always talked about wanting to watch, and he started playing games you talked about wanting to play. He still couldn’t bring himself to touch things you were in the middle of, but with the new things, he could start them and then talk to you, your memory, about them.

Satan delved into any possible book with even the slightest relation to how you died. If he had every bit of knowledge, he would know what he could do, what he could have done. ANYTHING he could have done to have kept you here.

Asmo started to take influences from how you dressed. He would do anything to keep your memory alive. If he kept your memory alive, even in the smallest ways, you wouldn’t be completely gone, right? Right.

Beel tried to get the foods you liked to eat together. He got as many as he could. If he could eat with him, maybe it wouldn’t feel as though you were completely gone.

Belphie tried to act how he did while you were alive while also fixing anything you nitpicked him for. If he acted perfect, do whatever you may have wanted, maybe you could come back. Maybe he could see you at least one more time.

Depression

Lucifer tried his best to keep up with deadlines, and he did, but the work was sloppier than usual and only did the bare minimum. He tried this whole time to hide in his work, yet now it felt like everything started to crumble. He tried working this whole time, yet it didn’t bring you back. It didn’t even distract him. Why was he even trying?

Mammon became quiet and kept to his room mostly. He didn’t want to see areas, areas he normally saw you in, without you. He didn’t want to hear the silence. He still clung to the items of yours he took, but it didn’t dull the pain of you no longer being with him. He wanted you with him, but you weren’t, and it hurt. It hurt bad.

Levi lost all most all his energy. He didn’t even feel like lifting a controller to play a game. All he did day in and day out was passively watch some animes and sleep. There were a few days he was able to drudge himself out of bed to take a shower and get some nonsnack food, but those days were few and far between. He wanted to try. He knew you wouldn’t want to see him like this. He just couldn’t see a point.

Satan didn’t think he would ever know the feeling of anger blowing over into sheer pain, but now he can say he has. It wasn’t all gone of course, he wasn’t the Avatar of Wrath for nothing, a significant portion just felt painful, and only seems to get worse with time. Life was painful.

Asmo started to fall in on himself. He tried to use makeup to make everything look fine, but it never stayed for to long with his tears. He hated this feeling. He hated it so much. The world felt like it was crashing around him. You were the only glue for his world.

Beel stopped wanting food. He still ate because he needed to at least dull the pain of his hunger, but he felt so guilty. He didn’t want to eat when you can’t. He didn’t want to eat without you.

Belphie started blaming himself for everything he did to you in your life. He was rude. He tricked you. He KILLED you. Even if you revived and made it back, he still hurt you for something that was never your fault. Now you’re truly gone this time, and he can’t ever fully make up for what he did to you.

Acceptance

Lucifer would never get you back. He understood that, and he mostly came to terms with the sting. He started to return to how others new him. The oldest, most reliable brother and Diavolo’s right hand. He had a picture of you on his desk, started to tell you how his day was, and wished you well wherever you were.

Mammon came out of his room more and more. His schemes also came back more and more. He started to go back to his mischievous and energy filled life. He was never as dependent on the objects he’d taken to remember you by as he had been, but he still kept a memento of you on him at all times.

Levi finished the animes and games you wanted to do together. He made new saves on the games, and he made sure to tell you what happened. Hopefully wherever you were, you were able to hear him, and hear his thanks for being with him.

Satan finally started to be able to relax. You being gone still stung, but he was able to live with the sting now. He started reading books to an image of you, books that reminded him of you. He wanted you to know, wherever you were, that you were still remembered and loved, even if you weren’t there with them anymore.

Asmo started seeing the light of the world again. He started to return to how he was, outgoing and social. He mostly returned to his old style, but he still kept some aspects of how you dressed to remember you by.

Beel started return to his kind and caring self. He was still getting used to you not being there, he doubted he ever fully would, but he came to accept it was a fact you were gone and and he couldn’t change it. He started to go back to eating as much as he could, and he also continued to eat things that reminded him of you. He will remember you and how loving you were to him and his family.

Belphie came to understand you were gone, and he couldn’t bring you back. He regrets that he hurt you as much as he did, but he knows now that at least he can try to help others in your memory. He probably wouldn’t be like you, but he could at least do this to keep your memory and kindness alive.

Their thank you

You helped Lucifer learn to rely on others more, and helped him and his relationship with little brothers as well.

You helped Mammon feel as if he was more than a scumbag trying to imitate his older brother.

You helped Levi understand he isn’t horrible for liking what he likes and that he is truly loved.

You helped Satan truly understand emotions other than anger and how deep they all were.

You helped Asmo shared his insecurities and feel an attachment to someone who isn’t himself or his brothers.

You helped Beel get back his twin and helped him dull his ever lasting hunger.

You helped Belphie come to terms with what happened durning the Celestial War and helped him return to his brothers.

From the bottom of all their hearts, “Thank you”

#obey me #writing #writing blog #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me belphegor #angst with a happy ending #light angst #angst #tw death #death #mc died #finished #tw minor mentions of death

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cactusringed · 1 month

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Etho and Bdubs' meeting | Political Intrigue AU

Putting it in a tumblr post because idk if I can commit to a full fic that'll be posted on ao3 yet so I'll share this way

Word Count: 3,715

Content Warnings: Depictions of a staged suicide

The blood moon illuminates the night sky, painting the surrounding clouds crimson. Looking up through the glass roof of the observatory tower, Bdubs knows that today is to be the day he dies.

Even before his vision, he’d known, somehow, that the blood moon would signify his end. He was always attracted to it like a moth to a flame. Except moths aren’t aware — Bdubs doesn’t think — of the fate awaiting them once their delicate wings brush against the harbinger destined to extinguish their life. Bdubs is. He is, he believes, the most painfully aware one could be about their demise. The blood moon calls to him the way a jailer would a prisoner on death row, marching him through that last corridor towards his end.

“No, wait, I think a siren would be a more accurate metaphor,” Bdubs muses out loud, rubbing at his scruffy stubble. He should’ve shaved. Perhaps he still can. No. He’s meant to look this way, he knows. Images of his destiny flash in his mind and Bdubs screws his eyes shut in hopes to chase them away.

It doesn’t work. He takes one shaky breath, then another. His lungs ache. When he opens his eyes again, his vision blurs with tears that he quickly blinks away.

After spending over a year aware of the grisly details of his own death, one would expect Bdubs to have come to peace with it. He certainly thought he did. Yet here he is, staring up at the moonlit sky for what he knows is the very last time. Fighting back not only tears but primal fear that screams at him to rattle the bars of the cage fate has sealed him in. His heart gallops in his chest with such force he swears he feels its echoes against his ribcage, all the way up to his throat. His Adam's apple bobs as he forces his gaze downwards, to the workshop he’s built in the main observatory room. To his very last painting:

A landscape - that of the country of Oblivion. He’d hoped to finish it before his death, but he supposes the least he can do is bring it to an acceptable state. He wonders how much his work will sell for. He wonders if he can ask his murderer to burn it all before they leave.

Bdubs picks up his brushes and palette, the oil paints still wet from his last session, and works at the landscape. He paints a tree — thin, spindly, and grey — only to cover it almost immediately. He refines the cliff-face, as he’s done dozens of times, overworking the surface into a mush of dull colors and clashing textures before he throws his equipment to the ground in frustration.

His mind’s eye always had trouble focusing on the picture he wanted to bring to life, the shapes blurring together even after spending hours studying references of Obliviate scenery — but now, with the promise of death hanging over his head, he finds it downright impossible to not only focus but also keep his every muscle from shaking. Come on, he wants to tell himself, it’s not like you’re going up on stage to give a speech. It’s just the day of your own murder. Relax.

Bdubs worries he might puke. Or cry. That would be worse.

Another couple of breaths in and out. Shakier than before. He’s restless, to the point he knows he won’t be able to sleep no matter how late it gets, but also won’t be able to get anything useful done. What is there to do that would be useful mere hours, or potentially minutes, before his death? He could draft a will. He doesn’t know how to write one. Maybe he should’ve learned before he had to go and die, but to be entirely fair to him… no, he did know it was going to happen tonight for some time now. Ever since he knew of the blood moon. It just didn’t feel real enough to warrant any preparation, somehow.

Bdubs looks at the unfinished landscape. The sculk that snakes through every crack of the cliff-face. It’s too flat, despite how hard he’s worked at it. It resembles the sketches and croquis he’s studied in tomes, but not the feeling they elicit in him. That infinite darkness that threatens to suck him in. He reaches for his paints, but pauses. Gazes up, instead. Up and around himself, searching for that blackness, for that feeling.

It must be here. They must be here. Whoever Oblivion sent to end him. Bdubs isn’t stupid — he knows they’ve been following him for a while. Studying his every move, habits, his entourage. Yet he’s never been able to feel the weight of their presence. Not a shadow has ever been out of place. No matter how hard Bdubs has looked, how much he tossed his room upside down. How much he’s raised his voice.

But he’s got to keep trying.

“Assassin,” Bdubs speaks in the Obliviate tongue, struggling with the soft and flat tones it forces upon him. “Show yourself. I know you’re here. You have to be. You’re here to kill me, are you not? So, show yourself. Let me see my own murderer before I die.”

Bdubs waits. He waits for what feels like a full minute, only to be met with complete, suffocating silence. His lip twitches downwards, but he keeps his chin high, and continues to speak in a register he knows to be far more proper than he prefers to speak in his native Celesti tongue. He should’ve worked harder on his lessons.

“I’m unarmed. I don’t deal in violence. I just… wish to see your face. Then you can kill me,” Bdubs walks slowly, carefully, to the oak desk covered in loose paper and canvas pressed against one of the walls. His fingers trace over his sketchbook. He lets out a soft laugh, peering back up at the ceiling, looking out for any movement overhead. “I bet it’s not often you get to speak with your victim. I can offer you some critique. Because I have to say, the method you have planned for me… Well, it’s a bit too quiet. It’s like….” he frowns, unable to think of the right Obliviate word. “It’s boring,” he settles on the Celesti equivalent, before he switches back to the assassin’s tongue. “It will make my retainers suspect foul.”

Still nothing but silence, no matter how long Bdubs waits. A long sigh, as he lets go of held breath. He takes his sketchbook, worn at the spine, and holds it to his chest. He turns, raises a foot, intends to take a step — only to let out a roar of terror as he’s suddenly faced with a tall figure come out of nowhere.

Bdubs stumbles back, and as quickly as he began screaming he slaps both hands over his mouth to silence himself, letting the sketchbook fall open by his feet. His back hits the edge of his desk, and he waits as the figure stands still as a statue. One, two — his eyes dart to the door, listening for guards, servants, anyone who might have heard the commotion. Only when he’s certain no one intends to ruin his moment does he drop his hands down, letting out a high pitched giggle.

“You scared the life outta me!” he exclaims in Celesti. “I mean,” he corrects himself in quiet Obliviate: “You sca—”

The figure holds up a hand, and Bdubs stills, before letting out another, softer chuckle.

“Right. You understand Celesti. There’s no need to translate,” He insists on continuing in Obliviate, but it does save him some time.

Another stretch of silence. The figure lets their hand drop. They remain still, and though it fills the air with an awkwardness that would normally make Bdubs want to keep yapping — he instead finds himself transfixed by their presence.

Slowly, as to ensure they don’t take it as an offensive move, Bdubs leans down to pick up his sketchbook. He opens it towards the end, and meets with a sketch of himself laid in bed, arms stretched out at his sides, small rivulets of blood dripping down. The blood moon shining in the window. He’s transfixed by it for just a moment, his throat closing up.

He flips the page. More angles of his dead body. A few sketches of gloved hands taking hold of his wrist. The fingers are slender, long — one might call them delicate, even as they hold a blade to Bdubs’ wrist.

A study of how the blood flows. It pearls at the edge of the cut at first. There’s a few attempts at getting it quite right. The amount of blood that begins to trickle, then pour out. The way it soaks Bdubs’ sheets.

Then, finally, the main object of interest: The assassin. His sketches become more abundant, but less clear, as he focuses on them. Looking up at the figure standing in front of him, then down at his sketches, he’s happy to note he got their build right: Tall, slender, but not too much. Loose clothes that likely hide solid muscles. That’s another thing he realises he portrayed perfectly: Their outfit. The long, dark cloak hiding the near entirety of their figure. The large hood obscuring their head alongside a scarf wrapped around the bottom half of their face. The only part that remains uncovered is their eyes and a few strands of silver hair — easy enough to remember and portray, one would think. Yet it always remained blank both in Bdubs’ memory and sketches.

The surface of some of the pages have been rubbed raw from his eraser. Some have frustrated scribbles all over the assassin’s face. Others have just been left blank. It’s endlessly frustrating, and if he doesn’t get to do anything else before he dies, he hopes to at least fix this.

“Can I…?” Bdubs reaches for the assassin’s scarf — only for them to suddenly jerk back before his fingers can even brush against the fabric.

It’s the first movement he’s seen from them, a proof they’re not just a hallucination. It makes him jump, and he tenses in expectation of a blow that never comes. The assassin just adjusts their scarf securely on their face before peering down at Bdubs’ sketchbook. They point. A silent question hangs in the air.

Bdubs frowns. “Can you use your words?”

“No.”

Their voice is deep, surprisingly so. It’s also rough around the edges — the way one’s voice sounds after waking up in the morning. And a bit muffled by the scarf.

“Very clever,” Bdubs grins, reaching to shove playfully at the assassin. They move away. “It does mean you can speak though, so— Oh, how do you say in Obliviate… you know, like… gotcha? Do you guys have a word for gotcha?”

Bdubs swears he hears a quiet, near inaudible snicker from the other.

“You can switch to Celesti. I’d rather you did, actually,” they say in perfect Celesti. Not a trace of an accent. Not even an intonation amiss, despite how much more melodic Celesti is compared to the flatness of Obliviate. Bdubs could mistake him for a native if he didn’t know better, and if it wasn’t for the paleness of his face.

“Right, yeah, I was tryna impress you, but turns out I’m real rusty. But hey, I was doing well enough, yeah? Since you came down from your little hidey hole?”

Silence. They’re still pointing.

“...So, uh, what’d you want my sketchbook for?”

The silence stretches, until the assassin seemingly remembers it’s their turn to speak. “I want to see.”

Bdubs raises a brow. “Not the most eloquent sort, are ya?”

They blink.

“Just gimme a second, okay?”

Bdubs reaches for one of his charcoal pencils, and holds the book open against his chest. He peeks up at the assassin, then down at the page, lightly finishing up one of his attempts at a portrait. He sticks out his tongue as he adds the outline of lips he can barely see through the scarf, refines the shape of their face, and draws the long, white eyelashes caressing scarred skin. The hint of sculk Bdubs can barely see, pulsing like veins burrowing deep within the assassin’s skin. He goes at it for a moment, before he finally gives up with a dissatisfied huff.

“It’s not as pretty as you are in real life,” he holds the sketchbook out to the assassin. “But have a looksie, if you want. It’s kind of… Ah, well, you can keep it as a souvenir after you’ve killed me! I’m sure in a few decades you’ll be able to resell it for some pretty money. I mean, can you imagine?” Bdubs gestures when the assassin takes hold of the book. “‘The prophet prince’s last drawings.’ People will fight for it!”

The assassin doesn’t seem to find it quite as funny as Bdubs does. They stare at him blankly, jaw slack, before seemingly remembering to look down at the pages, ignoring Bdubs’ grin as they do. He doesn’t let it get him down. Instead he watches their piercing grey eyes dance across the pages. He doesn’t think he did them justice. He wishes he had more time. They genuinely are beautiful.

Their fingers run over the sketches. As they study the depictions of themselves knocking Bdubs unconscious and slitting his wrist, Bdubs can’t help but hyperfocus on their hands. They’re like a pianist’s. He wonders if they play instruments. Are Obliviate assassins allowed to partake in hobbies? Arts?

“I wasn’t sent by anyone,” their voice force Bdubs out of his imaginings. They stop on a page depicting them hopping out of Bdubs’ bedroom through the window and disappearing into the darkness of the night. It was a bit of a challenging pose to figure out. Bdubs is proud of that sketch. He doesn’t think it’s what they’re admiring. “My actions were planned by myself, in opposition to my orders. You are dangerous, but no one seems to see that.”

Bdubs swallows heavily. A strange calm had settled over him, ever since the assassin revealed themselves — but their saying that turns his blood to ice. He’s suddenly aware of every inch of his body, and the way they scream at him to run, or hide, or fight — something. Instead, he stays frozen as the assassin circles him, takes in the room as if they hadn’t been spying on him for stars know how long.

“You showing me this,” they tap their fingers on the pages. “It made me realise something I hadn’t considered before.”

Bdubs opens his mouth to speak, but the assassin continues before he gets even a sound out:

“If I choose not to kill you tonight. What happens with your vision?”

“I…” Bdubs looks down at his dead body laid on the pages. It’s hard to speak. He should stop staring. He can’t. “I don’t… know. Every single thing I’ve predicted has come true, no matter how hard I’ve worked to stop them. I don’t know what happens if… if they don’t. I think it would just push away the inevitable. If you don’t kill me today, then you’ll do it on the next blood moon. Or the one after. It’s not the first blood moon I’ve seen since the vision, after all. I could just be wrong on the exact date. Both of us could be.”

The assassin shakes their head. “Even if the date isn’t right, I won’t do it like this,” they gesture at the book. “So it still wouldn’t be true. Besides, you knew this blood moon was to be the one. I’ve been watching you for a long time. You’ve never called out to me the way you have tonight. You knew it was today.”

“I just… felt it, somehow. I tend to, with my visions. Even if nothing indicates a specific date within the vision itself, I just… feel it, when it’s about to happen,” he shrugs. “With normal prophecies — you know, the one they do all those fancy rituals for? With those, it’s kind of a fifty-fifty as to whether they’ll actually happen. But mine have always, always come true, no matter what. I’m just too good at this divination thing!” He laughs. It comes out wrong. Stilted. Tearful.

The assassin watches Bdubs pace.

Bdubs’ eyes find the image of the assassin’s bloodied blade, placed in his limp hand.

“...I don’t wanna die,” he finally admits, quietly. A few tears roll their ways down his cheeks. “I just know — well, I don’t know… what’s meant to, to happen. If you stop it, I mean. I don’t know what happens if you don’t kill me. If I— If I wake up, tomorrow. I don’t know what… what would happen. I’m not meant to. It— It won’t. It won’t happen. You know?” he looks up, his lips trembling uncontrollably.

He feels like a damn child.

The assassin is obviously uncomfortable. Their previously relaxed posture grows suddenly tense. Their shoulders are almost all the way to where Bdubs assumes their ears would be. They reach into their coat and Bdubs gasps, sharply. His eyes squeeze shut. He expects the stab of a knife. For all of it to have been a ruse. A way to finally end their conversation and get to the very reason they came here.

But nothing comes.

Bdubs takes one, two — up to three shaky, hiccuping breaths, before he opens his eyes again and looks up. What he sees is not a knife, but instead a handkerchief. It’s held in front of him awkwardly, the assassin staring at him unblinking. Bdubs hesitates, before he takes it and wipes the tears off his face. Except the very act of compassion coming from what should be his assassin makes his tears double, and Bdubs sobs embarrassingly against the cloth.

“We’ll find out what happens when a vision of yours does not come to fruition, then. Because I won’t kill you. You won’t die by my hand, prince Bdubs.”

Their voice is so gentle, now. Bdubs nearly chokes on air as he tries to calm himself. As he tries to listen. Take it in.

“I was only sent here because we found out about your vision. Before you worry — none within your court knows. We’ve only inferred it through our surveillance. I will report back, explain what happened. They’ll send another spy to continue monitoring your safety. Oblivion never wanted you dead, so you won’t have to be afraid of them. And it means… you’ll know: There’s a way to stop your visions.”

Before Bdubs can say anything, before he can thank them, they turn away. They take a step to leave. Bdubs’ tears stop in an instant, and he reaches for them. For their cloak. He pulls them back towards him, and wraps his arms around them in a tight embrace, feels the air escape from their lungs as he squeezes.

“Thank you,” he says, voice only shaking a little as he clings to the assassin’s clothes. “I don’t know how I could ever repay you. I don’t even know your name, I—”

“My— My name’s not important.” The assassin’s voice is strained, as if in pain. They pat Bdubs’ hand in what he assumes is a gentle attempt to pry him off. He doesn’t let go quite yet. “We won’t meet again. Just… try to find a way to stop your visions. If anything, for your own sake.”

Bdubs shakes his head. “I won’t let you leave,” he declares. “Not after you saved my life. Not after you did… did this. You were sent to protect me, right? So you must be pretty good! Then, I want you to stay. I can write to Oblivion, get them to keep you here. Then you can help me stop the visions from coming true again. Yeah?”

He finally pulls away so he can walk around the assassin and face them, sniffing as he watches them shake their head.

“I’m not a protector. I’m an assassin. The only reason I was sent here was to neutralise your murderer. Since I technically have, there’s no reason for me to stay. Especially now that I’ve revealed myself to you. It… goes against almost every tenets of the code,” they sigh, reaching to pinch the bridge of their nose. “It just can’t happen. I’m sorry.”

“... Will they hurt you? For… you know,” Bdubs gestures. Could the price of his life be his would-be assassin’s death? Does he want to know? “...If not your full name, can you give me… I dunno, a nickname, the first letter — anything? I don’t wanna forget the person who broke my curse. Please? Then I’ll let you leave. And I’ll promise not to speak a word of this. To anyone.”

The other furrows their brow, and studies Bdubs’ face. They shake their head again, and brush Bdubs’ hands off themselves. “Slab,” they finally offer. Bdubs recognises it: A clan name. A… very prominent one. “And what happens to me isn’t something for you to worry about. I’m… uh… Sorry. For causing you stress.”

There’s an awkward pause, then, before they take a step back. Bdubs lets them. He watches them as they climb back up to the rafters, open a window, and leave without a trace.

“...Slab…” Bdubs looks down at his sketchbook, hugs it to his chest. Clouds creep closer to the blood moon, obscuring its glow. The observatory is plunged in darkness, illuminated only by the flickering candles on Bdubs’ desk.

He’s alive. His vision has come and gone.

He sits at his desk. Opens his sketchbook, picks up a pen, and begins sketching.

He draws until the sun rises. A feverish attempt to burn the Slab assassin’s image in his head. Draws until one of his retainers knocks on the door and scolds him for not showing up at breakfast. Until they drag him out of the observatory, force him to breathe the fresh air outside.

He’s free of the burn in his lungs as he’s smothered into unconsciousness, of the blade splitting his arms open.

He’s alive.

#pltclau #writings

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not-she-which-burns-in-it · 2 years

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OFMD and Breathwork Part 2 - The Kiss Scene

Much later than intended but I’m back, as promised, with the part 2 of my breath and voice work thread, this time looking at the kiss scene in Episode 9.

I really thought this was going to be more fun, but turns out it was mostly sad. Oh no. But before we get sad, let's do a part 2 of the basics. If you’re just joining, please read the other thread (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/not-she-which-burns-in-it/686892030208638976?source=share) for info on where breath comes from in your body (in an acting sense) and how it affects the tension of the scene. This time we’re gonna focus on the pace of the scene, and when in your breathing cycle you begin speaking, and how that reflects the acting choices you make.

LET’S DIVE IN!

BREATHING 202 - PACE

Ok, we’re working with my crude drawings this time, I’m so sorry. Here is a line of your breath. Line goes up for breathing in, line goes down for breathing out. Pretty self explanatory.

When you’re awake and talking, the breath cycle isn't really gonna look that smooth. The lower line for instance is more like your deep relaxed breath - breathe in deeply, quick at first and then slowing down as your lungs reach a comfortably full level. Then slowly breathing out in a long tail. As soon as you’re done, you breathe back in, no pause. This really makes more sense when you try it. Try breathing in following the lines, we’re all gonna learn today.

Now here are some simplified spots where you might start speaking in your breath cycle, meaning how much air is in your lungs when you start making words happen. Let’s take a look at them:

So, we put all this together and we get a map of intentions. Especially when we combine this breathwork with the info from part 1, and all the other pieces of acting - micro expressions, body language, non-fluencies (uhms, ahhs, sighs) - we can glean SO MUCH about the acting choices and storytelling. If I ever get around to a Part 3, I’ll do the intro section on Spicy Breath and Vocal Work, I promise. That’s a whole thing. But for now let’s get to the kiss scene. I looked at the whole scene, not just the kiss itself, because the story demanded it.

THE SCENE BEFORE

Ok, in order to talk about this scene we have to go back to where we last saw Stede. Everything starts going wrong right here in this gif. The music that plays at the top of the kiss scene starts 5 minutes earlier in this moment. The second Stede learns that Mary reported him as dead, the smile falls off his face and this delicate piano music comes in (I quit music school to study theater but I can tell you it’s in a minor key).

That leads us into the bunk bed scene - that music is still playing - where he’s wondering aloud whether Mary really thinks he’s dead or just reported him dead out of spite. He’s flashing back to his family, the worry for his children starts creeping in. Mary is still coded like an antagonist at this point, but the phrasing “do they really think I’m dead”, tells us he’s worried about his children mourning his death while he’s off being happy and falling in love. The music cuts out the second Ed appears. Ed clears away Stede’s troubled thoughts. Awww. But oh no, it’s doesn’t last. This conversation with Ed doesn’t make him feel any better, it makes him feel worse. Look at his face when Ed says “It’s time to accept our fate”

Stede is so upset he literally runs away. He darts out of the dormitory out toward the water leaving Ed sitting on his bed. And Ed is not oblivious to this, he’s worried. His mouth is tight, his brow is furrowed, and his eyes are casting down and around as if looking for an explanation. He’s upset, why?

Now, Ed isn’t stupid, he can think of a bunch of reasons why Stede might be upset, they’ve been captured and are losing their freedom. Of course, Ed has missed the key element here, which is Stede’s bottomless pit of worthless self-image. So what does Ed gather from this - Ed is ok with his adventurous life being over, but Stede is not. This is a good theory from Ed’s perspective, he is ready to stop being Blackbeard but Stede just got started as the Gentleman Pirate, it makes sense for him to be not find joy in moving on from that life.

SO. The beach. We start with the same melancholy piano music picking back up. More flashbacks to playing with his children. Look at his body language, he’s curled up staring out at the sea. His knees are pulled up like they were when Ed left him for Calico Jack. His hands are on his knees holding himself together, and his thumbs are gently sweeping back and forth across his kneecaps - trying to sooth himself. Honestly he looks like he’s about to cry, his lips press together and he breathes in deep. There’s no one for him to speak to, he’s alone, the breath is to either tamp down the wave of emotion or let it out. But whatever he’s about to do, Ed immediately derails that plan.

And this takes us into the kiss scene. Stede is wallowing in guilt over his family, and guilt over dragging Edward into all this with him. Ed is looking to convince him to look on the bright side. Now you can “look on the bright side” of loss especially if you’re gaining something else. “Hey you can’t be a fancy pirate, but maybe you can have me” Excellent proposition Ed, well done. Tragically, that’s not the problem. You can’t cheer someone up from guilt and feelings of worthlessness, it will in fact make them feel worse. “Hey you feel bad for being happy while your family is in trouble, what if, we had even more happiness together?”

THE SCENE

“There you are” implying he’s been looking all over for him. And look how close he sits. They don’t appear to be touching, but it’s a couple inches at best between them. Now it’s Ed’s turn to let out a breath. He settles himself with it. It’s not clear whether it’s relaxing, now that he knows Stede is ok, or if it’s a determined breath because he has an idea of how to fix Stede’s sadness and he’s come looking for him to do just that.

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He starts with a joke, but this isn’t his boisterous joking voice, it’s not even his normal speaking voice, it’s soft, gentle, and from the throat (check part 1 for what that means) it’s very similar to the way Stede speaks to Ed in the moonlight, or in the bathtub scene. It’s soothing and intimate. Given the sudden breath in and out before he starts, I’m guessing the intention was to start with a “tell me what’s wrong” sort of approach and he chickened out and went for a joke. But his voice is still in the soft “tell me what’s wrong” tone and volume. Adorable. But Stede brushes it off, “Oh come on, stupid idea”. It’s even softer in vocal quality than Ed. But somehow it’s not increasing the intimacy, it’s creating distance. How? Because the lack of volume and vocal support isn’t to draw Ed closer, it’s because Stede isn’t really talking to him, he’s talking to himself. As soon as he says it, Ed looks down and stops smiling. It’s hard to catch because he’s blurry in the foreground, but you can see the concern immediately rush back in oh this isn’t something easily fixed. Here’s where I get sad already. Stede looks at Ed to gauge his reaction before doubling down on the negative self-talk. By the time Stede looks at Ed, Ed is no longer smiling gently at Stede. All Stede sees is a concerned frown. He’s concerned for Stede, but Stede’s never gonna see it that way. The “Oh shut up” response is so quick, it’s reflexive. I’d bet anything it’s a #1 (Speaking before you breathe in) but I can’t tell where he is in his natural breath cycle to say for sure. But instead of engaging with his own emotions, Stede pivots to Ed’s emotional state instead. This is a recurrence in their relationship where Ed is emotionally vulnerable and Stede provides comfort and support. Stede is much less willing to share his own feelings - so much for his “talk it through as a crew” motto. Ed unfortunately (fortunately?) takes the bait.

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Stede’s at a normal breath placement (either a #2 or #4), but listen to his emphasis “how are you handling this so well” - compared to Stede handling it very poorly. But again, we’re not saying that outloud.

Listen to Edward’s speech here, this is a great example of using breath to pace a speech where your character is discovering each piece of what he’s saying as he’s saying it. He’s taking small breaths in between each new idea. I’ve added tally marks here to visualize it. “I don’t know [///] It’s kinda nice just to take a load off [//] Just to [/] Just to be [/] Edward [//] I don’t know if I wanna go back to the old days [/] just drinking all day and [/] biting the heads off turtles or [/] making some poor bloke eat his own toes as a laugh [//]”

Notice how the word “Edward” is completely isolated by breath. It’s HUGE for him to acknowledge Edward’s desires are different from Blackbeard’s. It’s something Izzy seems to have been aware of from the beginning, but Edward really only realized once Stede came into his life. Stede, bless his refined little heart. Takes a full breath in to not respond to the “eat his own toes” comment. Because he’s polite, and loves Ed, and doesn’t want to derail the emotional sharing by over-reacting. But you can see it in the immediate and deep furrow of his brow.

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When Ed starts speaking again, he’s a little more hurried to get the thought out. The biggest note is the separation of the word “Ed” again, it’s revelatory to not just recognize the parts of him have different desires but that he should prioritize Edward’s desires and needs over Blackbeard’s. And BOY OH BOY does he act on that realization immediately. Because what Ed wants is 1,000% clear to this man.

BUT STEDE MISSES THIS DISTINCTION.

Listen to his emphasis. He matches the structure but he puts the emphasis on happy not on Ed.

“What makes Ed happy” vs “What makes Ed happy?” It’s a subtle difference but extremely important. Because Stede thinks he’s saying

“Pirating has made me happy until now, but I guess, since there is no escape, no way back to that life, I want to be as happy as I can…” But in reality he’s saying “Pirating made Blackbeard happy, but for the first time, I want to focus on what makes Ed happy, because I enjoy being Edward…” But let’s finish that thought and really cry. More breath tally marks, because they’re important.

“[//] These past [/] few weeks [//] have been [//] the most fun I’ve had in ages [/] years [/] maybe ever. [///] so [//] so uh [/] I reckon [/] what makes Ed happy [//] is [///] you.” Again, we’re getting breath in between each new thought, or each moment where he needs to gather strength to get these words out. This time instead of “Ed” being isolated by breath, the word is “you”. Stab me in the heart. Confessing your love for someone is hard, oh wow it’s scary, and Ed needs all the breath support he can get. He’s also not speaking very loud. They’re so close to each other, these breaths are tiny little snatches of air. That last phrase though. “What makes Ed happy is you” Why does it sound so breathless if he’s taking so much time to breathe? Let’s Map It Out! (THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT)

Ed getting that last word out with the last bit of air in his body is EVERYTHING. It’s desperate. It’s vulnerable. It’s so unsure of what happens next or if he should be saying it at all. It’s taking a huge chance because this is the moment things between them go from subtext to text. This isn’t just saying “Hey, let’s bang” it’s saying “I have soft squishy feelings for you, and maybe that makes me weak but I don’t care because you make me happy”. And Stede is FLOORED. The Gnossienne No 5 comes in, and everything is good. His whole face lifts up like the simple act of making another person happy is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to him. Especially since he started out this scene dwelling on how much he’d disappointed his family, his parents, how he’d made this difficult for his crew and Ed, and everyone in his life. For Ed - glorious, wonderful, legendary Ed - to say that Stede is what makes him happy. Holy Shit. That’s groundbreaking for Stede. This is the first and only real smile we get from him in the whole scene. You can see the worries lift off him for a second. And before he can say something stupid: the kiss.

THE KISS

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Ed reaches around to anchor Stede’s opposite shoulder as he presses in - both to angle him properly and to stop him from startling away. Not in a forced manner, his touch is gentle, moreso he’s aware that Stede’s not experienced at this and he’s guiding the moment. So thoughtful. Also, so soft, my god.

Stede responds to the kiss immediately, he’s not just passively being kissed. Eyes closed and lips pressed forward, he’s about it. And he moves his lips on Ed’s to find a better position. As Ed shifts forward more and brings his left hand up to Stede’s shoulder he’s turning his whole body into the kiss, gently stroking his right hand down Stede’s back. The rustle sound you hear is Ed pulling his leg up in the sand to get better leverage turning to Stede. Stede meanwhile sweeps his arm forward toward Ed. I can’t see where his hand lands, but it looks like it’s going for Ed’s knee.

Ed breathes in before he kisses Stede, (part one call back) but it’s hard to catch because he doesn’t do it until he starts moving. I LOVE this because it implies he didn’t decide to kiss Stede until he was already doing it. It’s a small catch breath, not much air, and certainly not enough for a big romantic kiss. So we hear Ed breath in bigger through his nose as they kiss - breathing is not important enough to stop kissing Stede - right before he starts shifting his body. After he shifts you hear him breathe out, again through his nose because he’s not stopping this kiss for any single reason. But it comes out slow like he’s sighing into the kiss.

They are both pressing forward, despite the shifting bodies and sweeping hands, their lips don’t part. After they reposition their bodies, Ed turns his head to deepen the kiss just a little and we get that tiny tiny whimper noise from Stede and all my braincells explode into gay glitter.

I’m not sure Stede is breathing at all here. He might breathe in a bit when they shift, but I’m not sure. I think it’s just internet start-up noises in there. Which might add to his dazed expression and whispered response post-kiss. When Stede opens his eyes he’s looking at Ed’s lips, briefly, before his glance goes back to Ed’s eyes. This moment is pure joy. Even if the guilt comes rushing back in, this moment is golden.

POST KISS

Stede’s line “You make Stede happy” is in the softest whisper. And they stay at this intimate whispered level until Ed’s plan starts to form. We really hear Ed’s voice come back on “There’s always an escape” while Stede responds in a whisper, not yet bought into this plan.

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It’s not until “China” that things start to go wrong. As soon as Stede says China, his glance skitters away and down. He hedges, “That’s quite far away.” Ed interprets this as “Can we get that far” when really Stede means “Maybe we shouldn’t go that far.” But alas, Ed doubles down on the thing Stede is most worried about “Our old lives will be gone, never were.”

Stede looks down again, to the same spot, and the cut away tells us he’s thinking of Mary. And the clip is significant here. It’s both a refutation of Ed’s point “We can start a new life” vs “We only have one life.” And the bits about “We never would have chosen each other.” relay strongly to themes of found family. Because Stede wouldn’t just be abandoning his family in Barbados by running away to China, he’d also be abandoning his Found Family on the Revenge. I genuinely wonder if we would have gotten this anxious guilt reaction if Ed had simply proposed going back to The Revenge. It would have felt less like an abandonment to Stede, and “now or never” in getting closure with Mary and the kids. But. We’ll never know. SO. We’d looked at Ed’s breath in his decision moment, now let’s look at Stede’s. Right before this cut away to Mary, Ed asks “What do you say?” Stede breathes deeply in and out. We come back from the cut away to see him finishing that exhale as he looks out to the ocean. He doesn’t breathe in. He presses his lips into a thin line. He doesn’t breathe in. He swallows nervously and looks back at Ed. He STILL doesn’t breathe in. “Yeah.”

https://youtu.be/cQC_7HAMza4

He’s 100% speaking with no air. He desperately needs to breathe in and feel steady, get support for his words, and think clearly, but no. The word just escapes him in this desperate whisper. It sounds like somebody punched it out of him. I think Ed misses it because he assumes Stede is nervous for the dangerous escape, or just flustered from the kiss. But folks, if you’re asking someone something really important and they say Yes in that tone, and then make THIS face.

Stop and clarify that they’re ok, and that they actually want whatever it is. Because wow, this is a cry for help. Also, listen to the music at this exact moment, it does this discordant little minor trip that just SOUNDS uneasy. Brilliant music design here folks. It trills up when Ed realizes Stede is saying yes, and then comes jarring back down when Stede makes this face. OUCH.

I love the mirroring of breath between Ed’s “...you” and Stede’s “...yeah” - one is so full of hope while the other is so full of despair and yet they are physically executed in the same way. Brilliant, so painful, thank you David Jenkins. It’s also further proof that Stede’s breakdown was not just from Chauncy, but a crash and burn that he was headed to from the moment they got to the island. Ed’s phrasing here also mirror’s the bathtub scene “I was suppose to kill…. you” as many people have pointed out. But here’s the thing, that scene brings them closer together because Ed is being vulnerable and Stede is providing support. Stede is comfortable with that role, because he doesn’t have to examine any of his own feelings and desires. This scene is the opposite. Despite Ed making the love confession, this scene is about providing Stede emotional support. Stede is ZERO percent ok with openly acknowledging what he wants or needs, which again leads to this face.

I don’t think he was planning on ditching Edward the way he did though. Not based on this physicality. This SCREAMS “maybe if I just keep pushing these bad feelings down they’ll go away.” Thank you Mary Bonnet for shaking that out of him with a well-placed skewer to the ear hole. Therapy for everyone in Season 2!

Part 3??

Someday I’ll make a part 3, I’m not making any promises of when this time - I’ve learned! But I really want to look at Ed’s physicality around Calico Jack vs his physicality around Stede because it’s fucking fascinating. As I said at the top the intro lesson will be on intimacy work because SPICY.

Anyway I’ve written like 3,000 words at this point and I have to stop. Likes and comments really make my day - thank you all for the interaction from part one (which is here if you need it:

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/not-she-which-burns-in-it/686892030208638976?source=share

) And come follow me on Twitter @/shewhich that’s where most of my brainrot content lives these days.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd meta #blackbonnet #kiss scene #This lived in my brain for too long #useless skills from working in theater #watching actors is my day job #Taika waititi and rhys darby live in brain completely rent free #taika waititi #rhys darby #this is a cry for help #shewhich stuff

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fatphobiabusters · 4 months

Note

I was a bit curious if anyone here had seen this study and their thoughts on it. The results of it seem questionable to me. Although I do agree with him that the BMI is bull.

https://www.colorado.edu/today/2023/02/23/excess-weight-obesity-more-deadly-previously-believed

Firstly health doesn't equal worth or morals, always worth saying that.

On a quick review I can't say that he's taken into the account the damage of yo yo dieting. Those who are naturally lower BMI have no reason to put their bodies through the damage of a diet over and over whereas higher BMI people are harassed into.

I can't access the whole original paper, however "The statistical analysis of nearly 18,000 people also shines a light on the pitfalls of using body mass index (BMI) to study health outcomes," 18,000? Where are these people from? what's their diet history? did the higher BMI people have surgeries for weight loss?

"Masters mined the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) from 1988 to 2015, looking at data from 17,784 people, including 4,468 deaths.

He discovered that a full 20% of the sample characterized as “healthy” weight had been in the overweight or obese category in the decade prior. When set apart, this group had a substantially worse health profile than those in the category whose weight had been stable. "

Weight loss does damage to your body??? Also "decade prior" how did these people lose weight because 10 years is ASTOUNDING to not have regained weight. Unless of course they were permanently on their diet which is, again, DAMAGING.

"Meanwhile, 37% of those characterized as overweight and 60% of those with obese BMI had been at lower BMIs in the decade prior. Notably, those who had only recently gained weight had better health profiles." The idea that people have natural ideal weights kind of leads to this. Your weight will fluctuate as you age and if your ideal weight goes up then its healthiest at that weight.

"Contrary to previous research, the study found no significant mortality risk increases for the “underweight” category." My first thought is does this include people who qualify for a DSM 5 diagnosis for anorexia? (This means they have weight loss, yes weight loss is required by the book don't get me started) 1 in 100 girls are estimated to struggle with anorexia alone. Are these people removed from the underweight category because they recently lost weight ??? How does that make sense! DIETING CAUSES DAMAGE, EATING DISORDERS CAUSE DAMAGE.

So my impression of this is its great at further proving BMI is crap at health but unless you account for the damage dieting does to a body you cannot say these statistics exist in a vaccum. It's astounding that in 2024 we are still accepting half the picture of weight analysis and statistics. Fat bodies don't just exist, we get pressured to do damaging and terrifying things to our body, we get our health ignored for weight first treatment.

Is our health really that bad or are there these other factors preventing equality in care?

Like in Sweden they left obese patients to die during COVID. Or having treatment stop over weight gain fears.

Or the time they decided polluting water because fat people drink it was okay.

So I guess my tldr is, this isn't saying what people might think it's saying. At least not as presented in this article. This really just proves weight loss is bad imo.

-mod squirrel

#O word #Mod squirrel #Ed mention #Weight loss mention #Ask #Prince luffy #Medical fatphobia #Covid mention #Healthism

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factorialsotherfandoms · 5 months

Text

*siiiiiigh*

Look I promise today's prompt was going to be cute, I swear to high hell it was. And no, this isn't going to be anything like canon, and yes, I don't care fix is for silly ideas and aus and dreaming.

So anyway today, instead of nosebleed, I'm writing alt prompt: begging. Spoilers for 22/12/23 streams~

TW: temporary major character death, possession, grief, suicidal thinking as a result of said grief, self harm

(Read all the way to the end for a happy ending still)

"Please!" Philza screams. "Please, give him back!"

The others at Spawn look nervously between them. Their weapons are still raised, their tempers sharp, unable to quite process that whatever is controlling Forever will not use his totems.

Philza pays them no Mind, gives no quarter to their words. Ugly sobs tear through his voice, tears dropping onto the moss and cobble that makes up Spawn. He cradles Forever's head in his lap, shields him with his body even as he runs fingers through white hair and begs a miracle from the sky.

Forever - the parasite within Forever - laughs, his whole body shaking as black blood spills from his lips and from the gaping wound in his chest.

"How quaint," the monster laughs. "Even now you still can't accept what's been done."

"Fuck off!" Philza turns down to look at the monster corrupting his dear friend's skin, snarling even as tears continue to pour. "Fuck the fuck off and give me my fucking friend back!"

"Ah but little bird," Forever's chest strains in a cough and corrupted blood splatters over Philza's cheeks. "Can't you see he's already dead?"

Philza leans further down, pulling his hands from white hair to press against the wound. There's only more gasping, cackling laughter as he bows his head and let's a few sobs pass. "No, no..."

"Let him go, Phil," a gentle hand hovers near his shoulder. "He might respawn yet - just let him go."

If Forever wasn't allowed to use a totem, Philza doubts he'll be allowed to respawn; he slaps the hand away and turns his eyes back to the heavens.

"Rose!" He screams. "Rose! Help me! Please!"

She's only promised to aid him and his children, though - Philza knows this, knows that so far across the worlds she must be weak.

"Please," he sobs again, quieter now. "Please, I can't loose him... I can't..."

The tears are no longer sobs, now just silent torrents dripping from his face. The hand comes back, resting on his shoulder as he cradles Forever's possessed, dying form, and rocks himself.

Someone strokes Philza's wings, and he almost - almost relaxes. But then there's hands on Forever- hands trying to pull him away - and he screams again; he throws himself forwards, clawing at whatever would try steal his friend.

The monster in Forever's skin laughs, but laughs as though it can no longer breathe.

"She'll help!" He begs the people around him to understand. "She- She promised... She'll help..."

Because no matter what, if he loses Forever, Philza doesn't think there'll be anything left of himself for Rose to save.

---leave off here for ambigious ending. Continue for things getting worse, and then better---

The laughter beneath Philza's chest ceases, Forever's corrupted body falling still. The form that had been taunting him goes slack, tension against pain falling limp.

Philza is intimately familiar with what that means.

Philza knows death in all its forms.

Philza turns to the heavens, and screams.

It is not the screams of before, not a begging, not a plea, not a blind hope within the world. It is a scream born of anguish, of a splintering mind, of something once great and terrible carved open and laid bare. The abyss yawns before him, the void open and wide. Once he'd skim its surface, dancing and laughing and free - now he seeks only it's embrace, the oblivion which it promises as a final, lonely embrace.

The spectators turn away, or watch, Philza doesn't know - he just screams and screams and screams, helpless to what is happening, helpless against the shattering of an already fractured mind. He thinks he might see Rose's frowning in the grass around his knees - too late, too late, too late, and he would curse them if he had the throat left to form words at all.

But he doesn't, and so he screams.

The darkness fades from Forever's body only now, only too late. It trickles into the earth, corrupting instead the concrete beneath Forever.

The moss beneath the pair of them remains pristine.

Someone tries to pull Philza away - he hears Etoiles say something about an explosion - but he refuses. He refuses, he refuses, you will carve him from Forever or you will not seperate them at all. Bury him in the grave beside his confident, burn him on the pyre with his friend, leave their bodies entangled and deep and dark their remains.

Tubbo and Fit will look after his children - they don't need a broken husk for a father, after all.

He bends all the way down, now, pressing his face to Forever's chest. The blood there is red, red, red - still trickling from his back, but only as gravity pulls it away. Philza pays it no heed as he presses himself as close as he can.

Distantly he is aware of people being shepherded away, of whispers around him - it's a curse, it's a curse that even now his mind notices the movements, the threats, keeps plotting to keep him alive.

He doesn't want to live, not in a world without the sun.

He doesn't want to live, but his chest keeps on heaving anyway.

He doesn't want to live, but suspects he might be forced to anyway; hands peel him from Forever and force him against a solid chest, and this time he is powerless to stop them.

They let him keep Forever in his lap, at least, now cropped blonde hair bloody and draped across his thighs. His own black hair is stroked, and what can he do but continue his sobbing against Fit's chest as the world caves in?

The world remains suspended in time, a frozen mess only beating by Philza's sobs and tears. It drags and it shifts, and he is too far gone to recognise the vines which reach up, entwining around his limbs.

It's only when he hears the waystone that he looks up.

Blue eyes meet brown, and Philza throws himself at Forever.

Even after a respawn fuck only knows where Forever is weak, so weak. They both tumble to the floor, Philza's quick twist putting himself below the only thing saving Forever's head from the grown.

"You bastard!" His throat is too raw to scream, his sobbing back with full force and distorting everything he says. "You fucking dumbass! You- You- You fucking idiot why did you tell me you were okay?!"

"Hi Philza," Forever's words are rote and his smile is confused.

There's footsteps, heavy footsteps, and a potato canon pointed at the pair.

Philza twists again, shoving Forever behind himself, protecting him come what may.

"Sorry, Forever, but just need to check. Clothes off, and we need to see you bleed."

"Fit!" Forever struggles the full laughter or fake scandal, seemingly too weak to do more than lean against Philza's back. "I didn't know you were into that!"

Philza hates the option, he hates it so much, but Fit's right, Fit's absolutely right - they need to know.

"It's okay," Philza keeps his body between his friends, tears still quietly pouring as he cups Forever's cheek again. "I'll help you."

The "and all I needed to do was die" isn't nearly as obnoxious as either of them want it to be.

Gently Philza helps Forever strip. It's cold, and he shivers, and there's ugly burns on one shoulder and and ugly death-scar on his chest, but not a hint of the black infection from before.

The buttons on Forever's clothes are too complicated to easily redress him. Philza slips off his haori, and wraps it gently around him. Tucks the belt in an approximation of tied, and pulls Forever properly into his arms.

"Blood too," Fit says. "I'm sorry, but..."

"No, no, I understand," Forever whispers, even as Philza hisses.

He scrapes his hand through filthy gravel, tearing the skin in an absolute mess; Forever bleeds red, and Philza grabs his hand, already pouring a splash potion on it and picking out the gravel.

He can do this, he can do this, even if it's all he can do.

Behind them, Fit takes photos, a d relaxes.

"I'll let the others know," he promises. "Why don't you two get somewhere warm, eh?"

"I don't-" Forever begins.

"Let me show you somewhere special," Philza says. "I think you'll like it."

Even in the depths of hating himself for things he cannot help, Forever has never been able to say no to that.

The children are asleep in Rose's Garden. Philza won't wake them now, and especially not with Forever in tow. Now yet - reintroductions... they'll get there, they'll get there, just not today.

But the children are in Rose's Garden, and so the nest is free.

It's a little exposed, but the hay is warm and the blankets and pillows and clothes that make it up... And it's so far away from anywhere, so far from anyone who might panic and hurt Forever before there's been time to spread the news.

It's also home.

Philza will have to put Forever back on the bunker's allow lists, but in his heart he knows Forever will always be welcome in his home.

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp Philza #qsmp Forever #qsmp sugarduo #Okay so for those wondering...#In this verse respawning is a choice #And one which must be made between fatal injury and actual death #Because @v@ is in control for that entire time period Forever should be unable to respawn #After which it has no use for a corpse everyone knows is dead and so slinks off damage done #Rose however did catch Philza's screams #She isn't powerful enough to kick @v@ out of Forever #But she could catch him as he died #She basically made the choice to respawn for him but had to wait until she was completely sure @v@ had fucked off before letting it happen #The vines around Philza are her trying to get his attention and get him to calm down #It doesn't go so well #Rose is not a death god but she /is/ a life god and so she can do a little respawn schenanigans. As a treat. For me.

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queendeeshorrorimagines · 1 year

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Death and Life

HUNK X Gender neutral reader

Warnings: mentions of injuries (minor cuts and bruises)

The first request for my soulmate au One-shot series. I made reader a rookie medic with the codename Saint in this fic but other than that, reader is pretty much ambiguous as i can make it. I hope everyone enjoys. (Please help, I might have a horrible mask kink)

Prompt: Thinking that you/ they don't have a soulmate until you/ they meet your soulmate/ their soulmate

Entering Umbrella's headquarter building with several agents, he withholds his grunts of discomfort as an agent beside talks to him, her spotless outfit was a striking difference to his bloodied and tattered uniform. She had a glowing rose tattoo on the palm of her hand- her soulmate mark.

HUNK, for the most part kept quiet as they walked down the long hallway, listening to what she had to say. His mind is thinking about the details of the mission he just completed. The pesky thoughts of wondering if he's truly meant to be alone occasionally rears its head in his thoughts.

HUNK has always been too great at the missions he's done throughout the years he's been in umbrella, hell, even during his time in the military. Having a soulmate will only make things worse for him- he tries his best to convince himself while others gave sympathetic looks his way when they found out.

Being the grim reaper in what he does gives him no time to care about the fact that he has no sign of a soulmate present. It made him focus in on being successful on his missions while his colleagues usually end up failing.

Before he joined umbrella, he has felt the emotional sting of knowing that he doesn't have any signs of a soulmate. No matching tattoos like everyone else, just his bare skin that shows. Now it's just the numbness of the acceptance of having no soulmate to go home to after his missions. He was the ideal candidate for Unbrella because of that.

"Have you seen the new nurse that started today?"

Whispers from one of the agents peaked his interest as they talked about the newest member. His footsteps followed through the corridors of the medical unit.

"Yeah, agent. I heard that the nurse doesn't have any soulmate.. how tragic."

The other agent responded, giving a brief sympathetic look towards the first agent. Both agents quickly quit down once they realized that HUNK was staring at them. He reluctantly entered the medical unit with his superior, not wanting to waste his time getting checked out for barely any injuries.

He sits on one of the beds, quietly waiting for the nurse to enter the area. His boss sits down at a spare chair after asking the head nurse to send a nurse their way. HUNK's mask covered eyes took in their surroundings before hearing soft footsteps and wheels of the medical cart move closer towards him.

"Hello, HUNK. Call me Saint, I'm here to check you out and make sure you don't have any infections and you'll be on your way."

Your eyes were on your clipboard before you looked at the male sitting on the bed. His covered eyes looked into yours as you felt as if the world has stopped. Butterflies fluttered your stomach as you attempted to put on a professional facade as you moved to your chair near the bed.

"I'll be damned, you do have a soulmate."

The voice of HUNK's superior mused as he uttered something about owing a couple people money for a bet. Your gloved hands carefully checked his cuts and bruises. It was gentle but perfectly accurate as you disinfeted and bandaged each cut on his skin.

HUNK felt a mixture of shock and disbelief as he looked at you work. The rookie nurse named Saint was his soulmate, his other half. All these years of accepting that he was supposed to be alone turned out to be a lie, his soulmate mark was not having one.

"All done.. I'd suggest applying the arnica cream on your bruises ever six hours for the next couple days. Other than that, you should get some rest."

Disposing of the contaminated items, you advised to him. Your shrubs were neatly pressed and matched the other nurses he's seen. Just as you handed him the jar of cream, the agent got up; leaving the area as he shot a knowing look towards the masked man.

"You don't have a soulmate mark too, eh?"

You tried to break the ice as you wrote on the paper in your clip board.

"Well, if you need a personal nurse or just someone to hang out with, here's my phone number."

With a soft smile, you took the sheet of paper out, folding it in half before handing it to HUNK. You hear the head nurse call your name before you said a brief goodbye to the male.

#hunk x reader #queendeeshorrorimagines #resident evil imagine #resident evil imagines #re imagines #hunk imagines #hunk imagine #dees sweet tea #gender neutral reader #soulmate au

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tigergirltail · 2 months

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TIGER HRT CHAPTER 2 - MONTH 0 - EXPECTATIONS

First/Prev - Next

---

It's been six months. Six months since that weird doctor and his inane little test to prove I'm ready, or at least, ready enough. Six months since I signed a stack of liability waivers forfeiting my right to pursue legal action for any reason up to and including untimely death. Only DAYS left before I can finally claim the entire reason I was there in the first place.

I came home today to find an information package in the mail - things I need to know before making my final commitment to the treatment. It's somewhat reassuring, really. By the sounds of it, this guy has to deal with all kinds of odd requests - I heard a rumour that someone went to him for a chimera treatment at one point - which means that he has to do all this research into side effects personally. …Although there's no telling how much of this is speculation. Concerning.

The information package is divided into different headings, roughly organized by risk factor and how outwardly noticeable they are, as if he's right here with me, trying to scare me off from it.

I decided before I even went to him that I wasn't going to let myself be scared again. Let's see what I'm in for. I sit down and start reading…

SKELETAL STRUCTURE

"Subject's height will noticeably increase. Increase of six inches is expected, increase of one foot is possible."

Huh. I guess I wouldn't mind being taller, but that's definitely going to affect what kinds of clothes I can wear. And I guess I might also get a bit wider proportionally? I'm already plus-size, maybe it'll just level it out.

"Subject may experience a conversion from plantigrade (walking on soles) to digitigrade (walking on toes)."

That makes me stop and think. I'd basically have to re-learn how to walk, and no doubt there's going to be an awkward intermediate period. Will my feet get bigger as well? They're big enough to make me dysphoric as it is. I wonder if I can get custom footwear made… I wonder how much that will cost…

"Subject will experience a reconfiguration of fingers to allow for retractable claws. Persistent soreness is to be expected."

Bluh. I've bitten my nails too close enough times to know how much it sucks not to be able to put pressure on my fingers without pain. I wonder how long that particular effect will last. Due to the lack of timeframe, I can only guess. Months, maybe. Years, I doubt it, but possibly.

"Subject's cranial and facial structure will experience long-term reformation. The effect this will have on brain function is unknown.

And here we get into "you signed a waiver" territory. I had accepted at the outset that death was a possibility, but I'm not sure how to feel about the risk of permanent brain damage. None of the other accounts of therian HRT I've heard seem to mention this, though, so maybe it's just speculation? I move on to the next heading.

DIET

"Tigers, like all felines, are obligate carnivores. Subject will be required to eat real meat (no substitutions) at every meal, or risk symptoms of starvation."

This had already occurred to me, to be honest. Part of the reason a white tiger is my fursona in the first place is because I am an unrepentant meat enjoyer. Heck, maybe a feline body will make meat taste even better.

"Lingering human characteristics may make it possible to digest other food, but the nutritional benefit to subject will be negligible."

…Ah. This was less expected. Does this mean I'll have to start thinking of things like bread and fruit as basically candy? Worse, will I have to avoid it? I love me a good grilled cheese, and poutine is basically an addictive substance, am I going to have to swear off some of my longtime favourites? Out of all of the effects so far, this is the one to give me the most hesitation. Yes, I love food, I'm not afraid to admit it.

"Subject is likely to lose cravings for non-meat food entirely."

I have to sit back and process this one. Back when I started human HRT, one of the things that gave me pause was the idea of decreased libido. That was one of the few things about my body that didn't make me dysphoric, unlike a lot of trans people whose stories I'd read. In the first few months, though, I found it settled into a pleasant sort of medium, where I could have it if I wanted, but it wouldn't show up out of nowhere. Maybe this will be the same way? Maybe poutine can still be a sometimes food? Cats eat weird stuff that's not healthy for them sometimes, but it's fine, right?

Some part of me considers holding a funeral for the abstract concept of poutine.

On to the final heading…

SENSORY EFFECTS

"Subject will gain heightened night vision and hearing. This will cause sleep to become significantly more difficult."

Trust a doctor to find the one downside to one of the coolest effects of the treatment… Do you even know how much I want to hear every beat of the world around me? Do you even understand how useful it would be to be able to see in the dark effortlessly? Having a tiger's eyes and ears would be almost worth every single downside by itself.

Besides, I'm a very heavy sleeper.

"Subject's hearing frequency range will become significantly more broad than a human's. High-pitched noises such as dog whistles will be audible and painful."

Well, I'm sure that's going to suck sometimes, but I don't think I'm exposed to such noises on the regular. Although… I suppose I wouldn't know, with my feeble human frequency range. It's something that might be fine or might suck, I guess.

"Subject's sense of touch will be strongly affected by fur growth."

Sure, that tracks, but I'm kind of looking forward to it. Maybe it's comparable to wearing a full-body fursuit? I've actually missed having opportunities to fullsuit, and I've thought about commissioning a new one if I saved up enough money, but I suppose that won't be necessary now.

Much of the rest of the document is a reminder that everything listed is Permanent and Irreversible short of Major Surgery, with some reminders of the various rights to litigate that I've waived. Ultimately, it sounds like I've got some big changes ahead, but nothing I've seen here is a dealbreaker.

It's slightly terrifying, but I'm excited.

I can't wait to hear the rain through a tiger's ears.

#tiger hrt #therian hrt #animal hrt #trans #transgender #furry hrt

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shawol-poser · 4 months

Text

To My Lover From Afar Teaser

Pairing: Alien AU! Do Kyungsoo x Actress!Reader ||CW: Mentions of death, mentions of suicide, but not a lot.||Heavily inspired by the drama series. "My Love From Another Star."||

Summary: Do Kyungsoo has been living on planet Earth for the past 400 years after having failed to return home due to unforeseen circumstances. With only a few months remaining before his long-awaited return, he's found himself caught in problems and people that he thought he had left behind centuries ago. Is this what humans call, "fate?"

Entry 1

"I've worked 15 years to get to where I am now, and all my hard work is just...suddenly gone because of one unverified rumor with no concrete evidence."

You've never thought you would be in this situation. Sitting and talking about your current problems with your robotic neighbor because you have no friends, and no family that can listen. He doesn't even look at you. Eyes trained on his glass of water beside yours that he brought out when he begrudgingly invited you in.

"I'm just some bitch that drove a beautiful actress insane to the point of death. Some impudent bitch that continues to live her life like she isn't guilty."

You might as well be talking to yourself at this point, but his presence somehow lessens the emptiness you've felt in the last few days.

"But you're not. You didn't do it. That should be enough."

"I thought that too. Clearly, I was wrong. A lot of people don't think of it that way, and with the way things are going, things just might turn for the worse." You put your head in your hands, sighing out as you think about what you 're going to do.

Fans of the actress had left various hate mail through your company, and management decided that they wouldn't do anything since your contract was expiring within the month anyway.

So you left.

But what was worse was that it seemed as if some fans knew where you lived. Curtesy of various gifts that were left on your apartment's front door with pictures of the actress and dead rats.

Your neighbor stares at your hunched form from the couch seat quite far from you, but the closest he's ever been to most. He thinks for a moment before he notices you lift your head with an unreadable expression on your face.

"What is it?" He asks.

"Should I have said yes?" You wonder out loud.

"For?"

Your face turns to look at him, but your eyes stick to your glass of water. "You know my friend, right? Park Chanyeol. He proposed to me today." He looks away to look at his own glass when your eyes finally look at him, which prompts you to look away as well.

"If I can't sign in with another company, since I'm sure my last one won't accept my renewal, I'm pretty much broke. My mom can't handle money well, and my brother's still going to college."

You look down at your hands and observe the lines of your palms before rubbing them and continuing.

"I can't live miserably for their sake, but right now I'm running out of hope. He told me today that if I said yes, he'd take care of me and my family until he dies. That he'll take care of us really, really well." You scoff at the idea. You've been talking for so long that you don't even realize your neighbor, Do Kyungsoo, had turned to look at you after some time.

He stares at you for a while before asking. "Then why did you say no?"

Your eyes light up like they've sobered up as you reply. "I know, right? I don't know why either."

He looks away for one moment but his eyes are on you once again when you continue. "...Should I say yes right now?"

"What are you saying?" It looks like his interjection surprised him too because he blinks away the look he had before explaining himself. "It's barbaric to talk about wealth when considering marriage!"

"Says who?"

"Says 'Myungshimbogam'."

"Are you sure you just graduated two years ago, or 300 years ago?"

"It's full of wisdom. You don't even know what's in the writing."

"I know you're old fashioned and that you're good at what you do." You start and as much as you don't like asking for help and bothering anyone else, he's probably the only person that can help you out of this mess.

"So please," His polite sitting posture is broken when you grab his hand in both of yours and kneel on his carpeted floor.

"Please help me, Do Kyungsoo."

#exo imagines #exo do kyungsoo #exo x reader #do kyungsoo x reader #kyungsoo x reader #I said that I'd do it if no one did #so here I am #exo do #exo drabble #exo fanfic

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weak4skz · 1 year

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Han Jisung x Reader

Genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst, idol au

Summary: Han and y/n have been friends since before they remember. But what happens if their friendship is severed by an unfortunate situation and Han goes off to be an idol while y/n is in college. When they connect through a mutual friend, what happens then?

CHAPTER WARNINGS: self harm, suicide attempt, eating disorder, body dysmorphia, reader isn’t in the right mind, body insecurities, just a lot of feelings, insecurities in general, self consciousness (tell me if I missed anything)

NOT PROOF READ!!!

A/N: chapter 2 is finally up!! If you couldn't tell, my life has been kind of a mess lately and I've been really busy with school as well as personal matters. But thank you for sticking around and being patient <3

COMMENT TO BE ADDED TO MY TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES!!!

want2besomeoneelse lixie-jisung-stan jisuperboard mentoslol i-dont-know-me-either mooncallerautumn poisonivy21

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Going home my mind was working overtime but at the same time not working at all. My body went into auto-pilot while I was absolutely mentally wrecked. My biggest priority was to drive home without dying or having a mental breakdown; so I focused for the 15 minute drive home. As soon as I was safe inside my house I allowed myself to go numb. To have millions of thoughts but at the same time have no thoughts. It was a coping mechanism I developed over the years.

I found out I could get into this little headspace after Jisung caught me cutting myself. Since I didn’t want to be caught doing something so embarrassing; I had to find another way to cope.

And to think I thought my night couldn’t POSSIBLY get worse

I know I told myself I had gotten past this; but I really needed to feel something. So I went to the bathroom and picked up my blade and started cutting.

It’s not enough

The pain wasn’t painful enough to fix my broken self so I cut deeper than I knew I should.

Ah… sweet relief

While relishing in the floaty feeling, I hear a quiet ping come from my phone. I pick it up, reading the text on my screen.

Hey y/n. I wanted to tell you that I passed that audition that I told you about and got accepted to become a trainee at JYP Entertainment. The only thing is that I have to leave tomorrow; but I promise I’ll keep in touch. Don’t die while I’m gone lol

Hannie

I let out a humorless laugh before making one more cut on my left thigh; it was so deep it gushed out blood. I didn’t really mind though; I needed the pain, maybe even liked it. Or I at least preferred it over everything that had happened in the past couple hours. The bathroom started to blur and I started to see stars; I decided to close my eyes and let the darkness take over.

SIX YEARS LATER

I walk into the cozy coffee spot trying to spot my friend. When I do; I rush over and give him a tight hug while he gently sways the both of us back and forth gently. He hugs me so tight I pull back from a lack of air.

Now, one might think that our greeting is a little much for not seeing each other for two days; but there is nothing dramatic enough for the man who saved my life

“Hey Y/n”

“Hey Chan” I say back breathlessly.

Chan, the 5’7 father of seven who is the reason I’m still here today FOUR YEARS AGO

After receiving the news of my mom’s death; I was devastated. She was at the hospital more than she was home; but when she was home we had so much fun. I could remember nights when we would stay up until 4 am surrounded by our favorite snacks. We would talk about anything and everything: me, her, the new episode of our favorite drama, Jisung.

Jisung

He hasn’t contacted me since the night of that party two years ago. I kept my old phone and number, even when I got a new one, just in case he called. I even pay the ridiculous rent for my childhood home just in case he came by. But maybe he just forgot about me; I mean, I am pretty forgettable. Not much special about me when he is a musical genius.

I look out onto the bridge I’m on; the city looks so pretty from up here. Then, I look down at the water and the reflection of the city on it. Honestly, I would rather be in that city than the one up here. So I walk a little closer to the edge; not to jump, just to look. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. When I get to the edge and lean over it a little, reaching for the city in the water; I feel arms pulling me back. I immediately tense in the man’s arms, trying to figure out what type of person he could be. I lower it down to three options

A pedophile

A man that thought I was gonna jump and is trying to save my life

A drunk guy

‘Hey’ the man says in a gentle voice. “You’re a little close to the edge; why don't we back up a bit, yeah?” the voice says, gently pulling me back to a safe distance from the edge of the bridge. While still in the mystery man’s arms, I begin to analyze him. He’s strong, definitely stronger than me, so I can’t fight him. He also seemed to have the accent of a native English speaker. Before I could finish my detailed analysis the mystery man turned me around.

“Hi,” he starts. “I’m Chan, Bang Chan. And you are?” he asks, looking at me with expecting eyes. “Y/n,” I responded in a quiet voice.

“You looked like you could use some company. Why don’t we walk around and talk for a bit, hm? We can grab some food if you’d like.”

“Oh, I’m not that hungry”

That is the dumbest lie I have ever told

The truth is I am hungry. I have had nothing but a protein shake every other day. I skipped at least two days a week for the times I would go get food with friends or go eat with my mom at the hospital. But, I couldn't stop now. I've finally started to look normal, maybe even pretty.

“Y/n, when’s the last time you ate, and I mean a full meal.”

Y/n, are you really about to spill all of your emotional trauma to some random stranger you just met?

Yes, yes I am

“About a month ago” his eyes automatically widened. “Yeah I have an eating disorder that I developed from body dysmorphia,” now Chan is looking at me like I’m crazy. Which, at the moment, I probably am. “Yeah I know. My mom died last week.” now even I know I’ve gone insane.

“I wanted to jump” this time, I’m a little quieter; the fact I wanted to end my life a little harder to admit. “I’ve been cutting for years but after she died, cutting wasn’t enough”

That was when I realized I was crying. It 's the first time I had cried since I was at my mom’s deathbed. Not while I drove home; not while I was cutting myself on the bathroom floor, not even at the funeral.

I expected Chan to walk away. To consider me another depressed college student and to move with his life. But instead; I feel his arms wrap around me and his hands stand to gently move up and down my back. In my estranged state, I’m confused as to why the man I just met is comforting me. What’s even more confusing is how loved and cherished I feel in his arms. So, as any normal person would do, I cry my heart out into the man’s arms.

After my loud sobs turn into quiet sniffles, Chan pulls me back and looks at my face.

“No offense, but you look like a mess”

“You look worse,” I sniffled.

Now that I got a good look at him, he looked a mess. His hair was in messy, tangled curls, he had really dark bags under his eyes, and he was wearing different shoes.

“We both look like shit. But why don’t we fix our shit together, yeah?’

“Sure, why not”

BACK TO PRESENT TIME

“Ok, hear me out,” Chan starts. “What would you think of meeting the kids and becoming our manager for our upcoming comeback?”

“Let me get this straight. You want me, a broke girl straight out of college with no experience; to manage you and your friends' world-wide popular band?”

“Yes?” he says, but it sounds more like a question.

“I haven’t even met them yet. First let me meet your so-called kids then we can talk about me becoming one of your managers,” I negotiated. Chan talks very highly of his kids; but again he couldn’t say a bad thing about anyone.

“Ok great! How about right now?” he asked with a smile.

“WHAT?” Chan grimaced at my loudness. “Bang Chan I am not dressed to meet a bunch of world-famous kpop idols!” Truthfully, I wasn’t dressed that bad. I was wearing a white tank-top, maybe a little too tight for a girl like me to be wearing; under a dark blue zip-up with some black, wide leg cargo pants.

“You look fine,” he said a little more seriously. “They are at my apartment, we don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I'll go. I’ve been wanting to meet them for a while, this is just a little more sudden than what I had imagined.” are the words I force out of my mouth. “Yea sorry about that. I just knew if I didn’t ask you to come over today you would put it off for weeks,” he responded with a small smile.

This man knows me too well

He knows how I panic when meeting new people. How I get anxious about everything from what I say to how dirty my shoes are. He knows that I worry myself into panic attacks when it comes to first impressions

I let out a choked laugh, as if I were trying to laugh at a lame joke.

Except I am the joke

I tell him I’ll go, even if I kind of don’t want to. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to meet everyone; it’s just they seem so perfect. They just had to look good in everything: serious pictures, funny pictures, music videos, interviews, you name it.

Slightly against my own will; I begin to get up, expecting us to leave.

“Y/n, you’re forgetting something,” Chan reminded me. I look at the table to see if I left my phone or wallet on it, but I don’t spot anything that’s mine. “What am I forgetting?” I asked him confused. “Y/n you forgot your sandwich”

My brain is working at 500 mph trying to come up with a better lie than ‘I had a really big breakfast’ because Chan knows I ever eat in the morning. “Y/n, did you eat at all yesterday? And I mean real food.” Chan asked, or rather scolded.

The truth is I didn’t, but it’s justified because the day before yesterday I went out with my old college friend, Yeji, and we ate hot pot; 3750 calories if I calculated correctly. And that’s way above my daily intake for two whole days. So technically, I ate enough for two days in one day which means there was no need to eat yesterday.

“Y/n,” Chan sighed; “Can you at least take a couple bites? Please?

“I can’t eat when I’m nervous,” was my excuse of choice. I mean, it wasn’t the complete truth but he didn’t have to know.

Chan seemed to accept my answer and stood up. “Fine, are you ready to go?” he asks.

#Han jisung #skz #stray kids #bang chan #bang chris #han x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #skz x y/n #han x you #insecure #insecurity #insecure reader

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amive2567 · 1 year

Text

Ingredients: Katsuki Bakugou x GN!Reader (fem bodied)

Contains: angst, death, reader dies, fluff to angst, mental problems/illness, suicidal thoughts, some dark stuff, pregnancy and a child,

Type of order: coffee (Angst), cupcake (oneshot), small hot chocolate (bit of fluff)

Words: 3259

A/n: I wanted to write angst again, so there it is. A special form this time. Diary entries. I hope you like it :) I recomend listening to All I want by Kodaline for the more painfull experience. ( I don't know how to put songs properly into a post so it looks a bit big, I am sorry)

Masterlist

3579, Musutafu city, Endeavor agency

Hi, shitty book,

today we started our internship at the agency of icy hot`s dad. He is a dipshit, what he did to his family is absolutely crucial, but he is a strong-minded old bastard and an awfully good hero. (But All-Might is far better). He dragged us through whole Musutafu only to tell me how weak I am. Pah, but at least shitty Deku is worse (he didn’t tell us this but I am sure he is). Well, now we get to the point where things get interesting. We met other hero students from Ketsubutsu high. They had their internship at Backdraft’s fire brigade. They were trying to extinguish a burning office building but to no avail. Then the most beautiful person stepped in front, and without our interference, they just extinguished the fire. They were so talented it took my breath away and their H/C hair was just magnificent. (Don’t you dare call me a simp now, because I am not). Well anyways, they were pretty decent locking. We, or Endeavor, talked with Backdraft to discuss the incident. Icy hot, Deku and I just waited, but the shitty nerd had the brilliant idea to talk to this person. Of course, I had to talk to them first. So I shoved Deku aside and started talking to them. I got a lot of information about them, they are annoying and a chatterbox. At least they are kind and somehow stubborn. Their name is Y/N. I hope I will never meet them again. Another person similar to Kirishima would be a pain in my ass.

See ya

3581, Musutafu city, My house

Well, a book full of shitty feelings, I need to tell you a lot. It’s been two years. Shigaraki, AFO, and their goons had to put our world into misery. We fought in a fucking war with 17 and now I feel like an old man. At least all of our classmates survived, even Izuku. The last two years were a rollercoaster of emotions, I really realized now that my behavior was wrong and I put the nerd's life into misery, because of me he has an inferiority complex. I apologized and he accepted, even though he shouldn't have. I was a horrible person, treated people shitty just to get my own will. I nearly died, but who cares. Well after those horrible years, every one of us was forced to go to this stupid psych doctor, and since then I have been a bloody weakling. I cry more often than I want to admit. Argh, it pisses me off. Even though these years have been shitty, I finally met Y/N again. They got more handsome/pretty than before, and we’re visiting the same doc for our shitty PTSD and stuff. Every time after a session we met up for a small snack in a newly built coffee shop. They enjoy strawberry frappes with extra whipped cream. Horribly sweet is the best, according to them. We become something like friends, but I hate this. I don’t want to be friends with them. It just doesn't fit. They probably think I am shit anyways.

They make my heart race, and my cheeks flush red whenever I see them. They make me go insane, I always have those dreams of us kissing under the stars, but somehow they are in a relationship. Argh, so annoying. Well then we have to be friends I guess, I am not that shitty to let them cheat on their partner. I am so jealous, but I suppress it.

Bye.

3581, Musutafu city, Coffee shop

Good news, or bad news. I don't know. I guess it's good for me but not for them. Their partner cheated on them and accordingly, I am the only friend they have. I swear to god I will find this stupid person and blow them up. How can someone cheat on someone so goddamn great? I would never. Besides that, I could never. One look at them and I am over the moon. I never imagined that I would ever talk about someone this cheesy, but they made me spineless. Only when I am with them of course, I do still kick villains in their asses. Maybe one day, when they are healed from this incident I will tell them, but for now, I will be their supportive friend. I am on patrol at the moment, so I have to get going.

Bye

3581 Musutafu City, My house

Hello,

today Yn and I are visiting Izuku and Uraraka, to get some friendship bonding done, or as they call it a double date. Pathetic, we arent even dating. How could they call it this when they are the only couple. Anyways, we are going to an adventure park and I hate this. The huge rollercoasters make me feel uncomfortable. It's way too fast and too high. Just no, it's awful. But I don't want to look weak, even if I learned that expressing my feelings is not a bad thing. I am a hero. I shouldn't be scared of some shitty rollercoaster.

It was the most shitty experience I ever had. We rode the scariest rollercoaster in the park, and everyone fucking enjoyed it and I was screaming like a baby. So embarrassing. Y/N needed to comfort me, I enjoyed it but still. That's so weak of me. It's my job to protect them, not the other way around. I wish I wasn't such a weak and pathetic being. Well no I stop with the self-pity, that's even worse. I even didn't tell them what I feel for them, I was just so overwhelmed that I forgot it.

I fucking hate my pathetic ass.

3581 Musutafu City, My house

The Therapist wanted to see me more often, because of some sort of relapse. He doesn't have any clue what he's talking about. I am fine. Nothing bothers me, I just hate myself, what's the problem. I always did and I always will there is nothing to worry about. It's not like I want to die or something. Even though after some missions I think I should have died. YN got hurt last week. She only had a small concussion, but it was all my fault. I should have been hurt instead of them. According to my therapist, journaling and continuing to write in this shitty diary should make me feel better, but I don't feel any better. I still feel guilty for all the people I can't and couldn't save. I am supposed to rescue them. I am a soldier, not a whiny little brat. I haven't talked to Yn since they got out of that creepy hospital. They have this sad look on their face every time they see me and my heart breaks every time I see them, but if I would still talk to them and continue having feelings I would only hurt them. I just can't protect them, it would be better if I never met them.

Bye

3581, Mustafa city, Explosion agency

Yn confronted me today and to be honest they are so attractive when they are angry. They yelled at me for ignoring them for the past few months. I told them everything that I felt for them and what I thought would be the best. Even though they were furious about not telling them earlier, they comforted me (once again) telling me that I am not a God. I can't save everyone and it's not my job to do so, even though it's sad it's true. They promised to stay in my life and reassured me that they could handle themselves. After that I found a bit of hope, we skipped the talking phase and went over to dating. I listen to the advice of my therapist and try to do the things he tells me. It improved my mental state and I can now cope with little mistakes during missions. I no longer want to do reckless things to get hurt and I started to sleep better. I am currently reflecting on my childhood and improving things. I honestly tried to clean up my mistakes from my past. I talked with my mother about this and told her that I need a break from her. Yn was always by my side during these times. They are the right ones and I want to marry them, but that's something for the future. But for now, we need to heal our souls and become financially stable.

See you soon

3584 Hawaii, Our hotel

It's been a while, hasn't it? I haven't written in ages but now as I am finally mentally stable again, I thought about writing down what happens in my life and using this diary as an actual diary and not just some sort of self therapies. You will never guess what happened. I finally had the guts to ask Yn if they wanted to marry me and they said yes. I am so happy. They make me happy. Our wedding was incredible. Kirishima, my best man, put together an amazing speech. I tried to hide it, but I sobbed a bit. My favorite part was the wedding dance. That was when I realized I finally married the most perfect person in the whole world. Our vows were heartfelt and I will always remember them. I will remember how wonderful they locked. I will definitely glue a photo of our wedding onto this book.

At the moment we are on our honeymoon and I can't stop feeling happy. All the happiness that I never experienced, I experience now. Yn really makes me happy, their smart ass, their romantic side, their angry side, and everything else is what I love about them. Without them, my life would probably still be dark and sad. They lit my life on fire and I hope it will never extinguish. Never tell them I said that or well wrote it. They will tease me for being cheesy. We are thinking about starting a family, but for now, we will have a happy life together and when we have kids we still are as happy as we are now.

Bye for now, we will have some time for ourselves.

3585, Musutafu city, Bakugou household

I am back to write again and we finally got a dog and for my misfortune a cat. (Yn wanted it and they always get what she wants it's annoying, their puppy eyes can screw themselves) This bastard of a cat always wants to be pet. It just wants me probably because I am so hot (wink wink). Yn is happy with this shitty cat and sometimes I think that they love this animal more than me. It can be only one in this household to receive all their love and it's going to be me.

Another happy news is that Yn is finally pregnant. We don't know the sex yet but it doesn't matter anyway because we will love it unconditionally. The baby bum is not to be seen yet and no one knows because of the risky three months but I am so excited for our little monster. I should be careful how I call our little baby or Yn will scold me again for calling it a monster. Even though our little munchkin isn't even born yet, I love this child with everything I have. I never thought domestic life was something for me, but it indeed is. I would never do something different.

I will update you when our baby is born. See ya

3586, Musutafu city, Bakugou household

It's a girl. YAY. We finally can hold our little one. The birth was horrifying. Yn was screaming the whole time and they crushed my hand. I was so afraid that something would go wrong, but yn did so well. I love them both so much, my heart bursts with love and happiness at the moment. I really changed, haven't I? If I could tell my fifteen-year-old self that I would love my family and live a domestic life he would probably laugh and cringe. These past months, no years, since yn is by my side, were just too good to be true. It's like a dream come true. My feelings are flying all around and I don't feel like myself. Kiri already calls me soft. I am not soft, I just learned how to love correctly and how to express my true feelings. Hero work will now be extra difficult, I don't want to worry my little sunshine. She deserves the world and I want to live for her and guarantee her a beautiful life without pain (even though that might be hard).

I am the happiest man alive.

3589, Musutafu City, Bakugou household

My little girl can crawl now, and it's a pain in the ass. She is always on tour, through the house. Yn and I are always on track to keep her safe and it's exhausting. This little bundle is full of life and we can't get a hold of her. To be honest I hope she never loses this kind of liveliness. This child really is fulfilling my life. Hero work is getting more and more stressful, because of this one idiot who thinks he can just walk around and poison people, which results in many deaths. I hope I can fight him, to guarantee my little girl that she can live in safety. This bastard is causing a lot of losses among the heroes. Even Izuku doesn't know how to approach this fucking piece of shit. We will fight him at all costs. My girl will grow up in safety, I don't want her to experience the things I had to go through, the war, the abuse, the self-hatred, the depression, and all the other shitty stuff. A happy and fulfilled life is what she deserves.

It's getting late and I really should go to sleep, or Yn will drag me to bed, shouting at me for having a bad sleeping schedule. Even though they stay up all night to watch these ridiculous romance animes.

See ya

3595, Musutafu City , Hospital

It's been a while. There are some good news I suppose and a lot of bad ones. Our daughter got enrolled in first grade. She is really happy and bubbly just like Yn. Seeing her growing up lets my heart ache. One day she will grow up and become a successful and beautiful woman. I am glad that the current political situation is too hard to, understand for her, but I still notice that her parents are stressed and busy, but she still tries to cheer us up. Truly, she is an angel. The villain I told you about…. appeared and killed more than 100 people by now. We could get a chance on fighting him, but he couldn't get caught. Yn got hit by his quirk…. it is still not sure if the poison is out of their blood system, but it doesn't look good. They didn't wake up in the last 4 hours since the incident happened, but I need to be hopeful. They can't die, not now. Our daughter just got into school. I can't lose them. They are the light of my life. I just overcame the last rock bottom, I can't survive another one. Without them, the world would be dark and even our daughter could never fill the void that Yns death would leave. Even though I don't believe in god, I hope that some high might save them. I just want to take them home and continue living my life. The fight was hard and I couldn't even protect them. I was useless, just like I've always been. We still wished us luck to get out there safely, but we didn't kiss or said the typical I love you. I regret it so much. I want to turn back time, to say everything I want them to know. I love them so much, it is sometimes unbearable and without her, I would never have become the man I am now.

I will have to have hope, they will make it out alive.

3600, Musutafu, Bakugou house

They didn't make it. They died weeks after I wrote the entry. I couldn't tell you back then. I was, no I am a broken man. Only a shadow of the person I was. Their death had made me into the monster I was before I met them, I am coldhearted and stoic. I don't see the purpose in life anymore. Every day the pain clung to me like a nasty shadow. I want this to end, but I can't since Dn will suffer even more. Losing her parent took her bright soul away, and she now tends to become like me, and I really hope I can change that. I am a horrible person. She shouldn't be like me. She should be like Yn, kind, smart, brilliant, and overall wonderful. Maybe it's because I miss Yn so much that I want our daughter to be their replacement or it's my wish. I can't separate these thoughts anymore. I think I want both. Everything is beyond pointless in this life. Getting up, bringing Dn to school, and going to work. This cycle is more exhausting now than ever, there is no happy person to come home to anymore. No one asks what villain you kicked into jail or questions about the students from UA, who are doing their internships. I just want my happy domestic life back and my partner. I miss them so much, it's unbearable. It would be just better if I could be with them. It would be better If I died...

3601, Musutafu city, Bakugou house

I took revenge. The bastard who killed Yn is dead. I killed him with my bare hands. To protect my daughter and all the other citizens. I felt fulfilled for one second, but then I realized that this act would never give me Yn back. It was pointless. at least I got also hit with his quirk before he died. I am so sorry Dn for dying and leaving you completely alone, but I also couldn't continue this life without Yn. I hope you can forgive me... I want you to be yourself and fight for the things you believe in. I want you to be the best of yourself. Please don't be sad for too long. I was never the dad that you deserved. I hope Kirishima will take care of you...

Her weak finger caressed the blood stains on the wrinkled paper.

Tears clouded her vision as she closed the orange notebook. Her uncle patted her on the back and tried to hold her close. “Your dad really loved them. I am sorry. He just really loved Yn. The villain released him from his agony. It's not your fault you were so little you weren't able to protect them.” he tried to comfort her. But comforting was unnecessary. Her parents are dead, killed by a crazy poisoned guy. She hated this guy, even though her father already killed him. The diary should have been some kind of present from her uncle, but it felt like a curse. The rain pattered o both of them “Let's go inside or we will catch a cold. We can visit them tomorrow.” Kirishima grabbed her by her arm and got her away from the graveyard.

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sasagehoes · 1 month

Text

THE NECROMANCER

Chapter I; Adventus𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑ Brandon Star x fem! reader

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱;; Leaving home to escape a fate worse than death was ideal, yet is it really worth all the pain and suffering that'll come from that decision instead?

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a/n; Hello! This is my first time publishing here on tumblr, I'm really exited to start this series, I hope people enjoy it! (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡ [English is not my mother tongue so please be patient]

CW; This series contains a LOT of sensitive topics. Just like the show, there will be individual warnings for each chapter, I'm not responsible for what you read.

Mentions of rape/ arranged marriage/ child abuse/ graphic depictions of gore / it's a GOT story..Just be prepared for the worst

READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION

The winds of Winterfell were as cold as ever when Lady Stark received a crow with a message attached.

The seal being from a house in Braavos, House Corvus, inside this letter, there was a betrothal proposal, the youngest daughter of their house to Winterfell's second youngest, Brandon Stark.

"I feel it could be a great advantage to join the two houses, our connections to lands in Essos are little if not unexistent" Said Catelyn Stark.

Lord Stark sighed. "I'll speak with Brandon. See what he says." She nodded and went outside to see her boys practicing archery.. one failing a bit miserably.

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

Eddard thought this would be a great opportunity to talk to Bran about the situation right after slaughtering a bear!

"Bran, have you heard of house Corvus perchance?" he asked, looking at him. Brandon thought for a second,"I think I might have, but it's located in Braavos, so I don't know much." He answered

Lord Stark nodded "Well we got word from them today, a crow brought a letter" the younger hummed with curiosity, "A marriage proposal, to wed you and their youngest daughter, once the both of you become of age" he continued.

Bran's eyes went wide and stopped walking. "What if I say no? I've never even heard of them that well, even less of their daughter!" he spoke clearly distraught.

"We have some time to decide, and you can always say no if you meet her and end up not liking her, but just think about the things Winterfell can benefit from this union"

His father added. Bran didn't respond and just kept walking, making his father sigh

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

"Robb, do me a favor, could you?"

he asked as he saw his oldest walking around the estate. "Everything okay, father?" he answered

"Everything is alright. I'm sure your mother told you about the marriage proposal for Brandon. Could you go talk to him ?"

Robb chuckled and replied, "He's not very fond of the idea, hm? I'll go talk with him" and left to go look for him.

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

The eldest Stark walked around the halls looking for his little brother just as he spotted him, sitting on the floor, the younger said

"You're here to convince me about marrying some stranger, aren't you?"

Robb sighed as he sat on the floor next to his brother

"Yes I am, Bran, listen, if it were different people, they wouldn't have told you until she was on our doorstep," he said before continuing

"And if what I have heard about the women of bravos is true, you might want to accept that proposal," he said with a grinn

with that Bran looked up at him "what have you heard" he said

"Why dont you go ask Theon, yes?"

𓅨˚₊‧⁺⋆♱

"They say if you marry a Bravoosi woman you might be the luckiest or most doomed bastard in the seven kingdoms " Theon said with a smirk

Brandon's eyes shined with curiosity

"Why so?" he asked

"The women of Braavos have beautiful dark hair that shine with the sun, and although their climate is humid and cold they have sun kissed skin"

Robb said making Bran smile ever so slightly.

Theon joined in "I've heard that their hips are made to bear healthy heirs, broad and we'll rounded hips, perfect for grabbing in the midst of-" he stopped to chuckle once he noticed Bran's flushed cheeks

"You'll cross the bridge when you get there"

"But why would I be a doomed bastard?" Brandon asked awkwardly

"She'd leave you dry - ouch!" Theon said before getting cut off by Catelyn hitting the back of his head

"Don't fill his head with scum. He's far too young!" she said, which only made the oldest laugh

"He'll be a man soon enough," Robb said, ruffling Bran's hair before leaving, Theon by his side.

"Off you go, little man, go to your lessons with maester Luwin," Lady Stark said, and the boy complied with a small pout.

₊ ⊹𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐒𝐞𝐚₊ ⊹

The winds started to get rather cold at sea, you had expected that since it was indeed the north where your betrothed lived

he was your chance at living a life without the fear of getting murdered by your own people for something that was out of your control.

The boat was filled with an indescribable emptiness, the spirits were low, you wanted to be left alone, still processing everything that had happened.

your mother had instructed that no man except for the Maester boarded the ship for you and your sister's safety. Yet not many wanted to embark the journey fearing of what would happen once they returned, only a few of the remaining loyal helpers of your mother accompanied you and your sister.

It had been weeks since you fled the castle, weeks since you heard the news of the death of your sister, weeks since you heard the voice of your brother.

you sat on your cabin looking at the floor, as your mind trailed to cries of your older brother, screaming at our father

"How could you let that happen to your daughter!" he screamed

"It was the best for the kingdom," your father said stoic in his throne. Your brother stood up and walked over to him. "She was raped! Then she took! her own life! how was that the best for the kingdom, you just let it happen?!!"

"Are you alright?" A voice took you out of your trance, your sister

you looked up at her and smiled

"Yes, of course" you said

she took your hand in hers and made you go up to the deck, "We are almost there.. Just two more days and you'll be safe," she said, holding your shoulders

you stared at her eyes, as tears started to well on yours. "What about you - will you be safe?" you say trough sobs she squeezed your shoulders "I will I,promise" she grinned but you knew, her eyes betrayed her.

It was only a matter of time before everyone knew that the necromeancers of Bravoos were back.

𓅨

When I woke up, my sister was standing next to my bed. "We have arrived dear, winter awaits" she said gently.

As she left, I stood up and went to look for the attire, I lingered infront of my trunk for a couple of seconds before deciding on the dress I would wear, I hadn't really thought much about it, while leaving Braavos, the only thing in my mind was not getting killed. Yet now that I looked at it - it's not very suitable for the weather in Winterfell

It's not so different to Braavos, but unlike there, the cold weather is not constant, the warm weather is enjoyed and well as the cold

,here, however, no matter how hard you try, the reminder that you're so far up north you feel it in your nails.

And although the winter has yet to come, the cold air fills your lungs and it stays, and it burns, and it won't come out until it is you that gets used to it, used to the cold.

You left your cabin all dressed up and were met with your sister and the Maester. On the deck packing some stuff, on your far left you could see some men proudly holding the banner of their house.

A direwolf decorates them, the animal of their house flowing with the wind as they get closer. You could make out what you guessed was the lord of Winterfell, Eddard Stark, from what you've heard.

They stopped as they waited to take you and your sister to Castle Ward, where you would be spending your life once you become of age.

𖤐⭒๋࣭ ⭑ Thank you so much for getting this far, can't wait to continue this series!! If you'd like to be added to the taglist,let me know ♥︎

(っ˘з(˘⌣˘ ) ♡

DO NOT;; RE-UPLOAD, TRANSLATE NOR COPY MY WORKS!!

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-SASAGEHOES

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