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lvlyghost · 1 year

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The Things I Never Said

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Summary: Simon had told you he never wanted to be a dad, so when the inevitable happens you run.

Word Count: 2.2k

Tw: angst, fluff, ooc simon(? descriptions of pregnancy and panic attacks, medical inaccuracies, slightly suggestive but nothing too explicit, this isn't proofread; i think that's it?✨

A/N: omg i couldn't stop thinking about this so i had to write it! I'm just feral for dad!simon loosely connected to this bc this is where the idea came from. Hope y'all enjoy it🫰🏻💛🦄

Masterlist✨| Part 2

You're shaking by the time you're out of the bathrooms. There's no doubt. You think with slight tremble on your lower lip. It almost feels aa of the world around you is closing in. Suffocating your lungs. Your vision blurs, when you toss the pregnancy test in the trash can.

This can't be happening. Not to you.

It's not that you didn't want to have kids.

But Simon didn't.

At this point you're sobbing uncontrollably, gasping for air. It's a good thing no one comes to this part late at night. The only moment you could find peace and solace. Sliding down the wall, hiding your face in your hands. How could you let this happen? You should've been more careful.

Your mind goes back to that day when neither of you cared about the consequences. Caught up in the moment, tearing each other's clothes; eager to be together. You hadn't seen Simon in two months when he was deployed to Serbia and you had to stay behind. Being both in the military meant knowing the risks. Every time could be the last time. You heard things about that specific mission. He got injured. You remember the gnawing fear clawing at your chest. And then there he was, knocking on your door as soon as they landed. His shoulder wrapped around bandages. He kissed you hard, desperately.

Hitting the mattress with you on top of him, not wanting to hurt him anymore. The sweet things he murmured in your ears, hands intertwined as you fall apart together.

You love him.

He cares for you.

But even if he felt slightly the same way about you, it wouldn't be enough.

Simon had... traumas. A tragic story of his own. You heard him talk about it late at night when he couldn't sleep. Those demons that plagued his mind, his dreams... and you listened. That's all you could do.

Offer a hand to the man that had saved you over and over again. And somewhere along the lines you fell.

And you fell hard.

Somewhere between dark nights and shared kisses at dawn.

You didn't get any sleep last night.

Your mind is still spinning with the anxiety. The morning sickness that started to disrupt as soon as you woke up. Red, puffy eyes that you try to dissimulate by washing your face hoping it goes away.

You get dressed feeling devastated, knowing that you'll have to face him as soon as you enter the training room. He's in charge. The mere thought makes you want to throw up. But you leave the bedroom nonetheless. Walking down the hallway feeling your hands sweating and your ragged breathing.

When you finally open the doors you're fifteen minutes late. That alone will earn you a punishment.

It's almost as if he feels your presence, immediately finding your form when you enter, his jaw tightens. Simon doesn't like this. But as long as you're under his command you get equal treatment or else, he'd be in problems. Both, would be in problems.

"Bit late Sergeant." He grumbles, emphasizing the last word staring directly in your eyes. Ghost is perceptive and is aware that something is wrong, but doesn't comment on it... yet. "Fifty push-ups. Start sparring when you're done."

You swallow down saliva, feeling your throat constrict.

Fuck, fuck. Don't cry. Not right now.

This whole situation has you sensitive.

You start, concentrating on doing the push-ups. Hearing the distant voice of him echoing around the room, sometimes you think he's closer to where you are then he's gone, but his gaze never leaves you. It's almost sinful how good he looks in that tight green army t-shirt and cargo pants

Your arms are sore and wobbly by the time you finish. Standing up you fight a wave o nausea, closing your eyes so hard you see white dots behind your eyelids.

"You alright?" It's Kyle's hand on your shoulder what brings you back, your eyes fluttering open and find him looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised.

You give him a small smile and a nod.

"Just tired that's all. Didn't get much sleep last night." You divert your gaze where the rest are beginning to spar. "How mad is Ghost?"

Gaz chuckles.

"I wouldn't call that mad. I think he's worried. You look like shite, dear."

"Oh." You say.

Gaz prompts you to the other side to join the training. Everyone's gathered around the training mat. Soap is kicking a soldier's ass. What was his name again? You forgot.

A gentle brush on your skin and then delicate fingers wrap your arm. You freeze, Simon's feather touch sends goosebumps all over your body. You turn your face upward to acknowledge him. His deep blue eyes soften when you look at him.

"Is everything okay Sergeant?" He asks. No. He demands.

You open your mouth and then close it. That's a question you don't know yourself.

I wish. You want to say.

But nothing will ever be okay after last night.

"I... I- didn't get much sleep, Sir. That's all."

Simon sighs but doesn't insist. He just nods, accepting your answer for now, once the training is done he'd talk to you. "You're up." He instructs.

Hand to hand to combat has never been your strongest suit but you do it nonetheless. Informatics on the other hand... you're the best of the best. That's why you're here, why you're a part of the task force.

Ghost stands within your range of vision in a way that you can see that he's there even when you're fighting.

You start although you're not in your best shape. Your heart is racing but not for the adrenaline. Your mind is fuzzy and your stomach churns. The panic is starting to break loose on you. You recognize the signs. You barely dodge the man's punch, this can't be called sparring. You're merely deflecting his hits, defending yourself.

Get a fucking grip!

Soap and Gaz look at each other. Then at Ghost who's clenching his fists, looking like he's about to jump between the two and kill the man. They get ready just in case something goes sideways.

You see his fist coming to your face, you take a step back but it grazes your left cheek. Someone in the distance swears and it's enough to distract you, the next blow goes to your gut. He doesn't even hit you with full force, noticing your lack of response he refrains as much as he can but it connects with your abdomen nevertheless.

It suffocates you. Brings you to your knees spitting saliva and gasping for air. You hear the soldier's frantic apologies. You cough trying to breathe but you just can't. It hurts you.

In a quick move Ghost is kneeling beside you, eyes scanning your body for external injuries. Anything.

"Hey... hey, kid! Look at me!" He orders. You can't, mostly because you're gasping for air, coughing, and the pain in your stomach. Ghost grabs your face seeing the tears collecting in the corner of your eyes. Another wave of nausea hits you and you spit out whatever comes out of your mouth. Simon takes you in his arms lifting you and runs to the infirmary, gritting his teeth. His steps echoing in the empty hallway as he bursts the doors of the med wing open.

"Captain..." you greet him as soon as you walk into his office, closing the door behind you with a soft click. Price looks at you, arms crossed. The bucket hat resting on his head. He's dead serious.

"Does he know?" He interrogates with that deep voice of his. It's only been an hour since the incident. Price had to do all in his power to keep Ghost busy. It nearly costs him a limb and a punch to his face. There's only so much he can do.

"No." You murmur, looking down to your feet.

"Jesus, kid." He pinches the bridge of his nose. His head was pounding already. This wasn't good. For any of them. John had decided to turn a blind eye on the situation. As long as it didn't interfere with their duties. Now? He shakes his head. Price walks towards you, the youngest of his team and a valuable asset. You were important to him, to everyone in the 141; to Simon in a very different way. "I'm putting you on medical leave. You must take care of your health, your body. I'll see what I can do, yeah? And for the love of God, talk to Simon."

You don't.

And that's because you're terrified. As soon as you left Price's office you ran to your room throwing your belongings in a duffel bag. You needed time to think. Of course you'd tell Simon.

Just not right now.

The disapproving stare of the doctor was enough to make you feel bad about hiding your pregnancy from him and then your Captain. You bite your lip and head out, the taxi driver is waiting already so you hop in, wishing to get some time alone. Clear your head and then find the best way to tell Simon about this.

It's raining outside by the time you're in your apartment. You've had time to get a quick shower and take the ibuprofen for your sore body. Your hands run absentmindedly to your stomach, soothing the skin but flinching when you press too hard. You should've stayed at base and talk to him after what happened.

But you're scared of the outcome.

By this time Simon must've found out you're gone. You won't blame him if he hates you. After all you ran away from him, like a coward.

Pouring some tea on a mug you hear the sound of keys jingle, and the footsteps followed by a large shadow that towers above you. Blond hair and hard eyes contemplating you, the mask is gone...

Holy shit. You think.

The only thing that Simon finds comfort in is gone. There's something about him not hiding behind the balaclava that sets deep in your heart. As if he were baring himself to you. Not that you hadn't seen his face before; that's exactly why this is more meaningful. It's serious. He chose to show you how vulnerable you can make him.

"Why?" His stern voice sends shivers down your spine. "I went to check on you and the first thing they say is that you're gone." His lips are pressed in a thin line.

"Simon, it's not what you're thinking..."

"Then bloody tell me what is it." He seethes, taking a step closer. "Was already losing my fucking mind over that bastard hitting you and suddenly you're gone?" He shakes his head. "Had I known you weren't going to fight back..."

"I'm pregnant." You blurt out, interrupting his talk. Simon's jaw clenched, halting and freezing on his spot. "And I'm sorry I didn't come to you as soon as I found out but I was scared." Your lips quiver and you hold back a sob, but unable to do much about the tears. "I was scared to tell you because I know you never wanted any of this, I failed to you. I couldn't sleep, I was panicking and the thought of losing you... I needed time to figure out how to tell you." Simon is silent, he doesn't move nor blinks. He just stares. Memories of his time with his father flooding his mind. He never wanted kids. That's true.

Seeing you there, in front of him. Choking on your words, crying because you thought he'd abandon you like you were nothing? Bloody fucking Christ it breaks his heart. Very few things had that effect on Simon. He had made you fearful of facing this on your own. Did you think you were just his friend with benefits? Someone he'd come to whenever he wanted to get laid? Hadn't you seen the way his eyes roamed over you whenever you were around? Never fucking heard the despair in his voice when you got shot during that black ops in Afghanistan? How he seemed to loom over your presence if some pathetic muppet tried flirting with you? The nights spent in his bedroom, limbs tangled hearing you speak about your day? The mission when he finally realized he was completely and utterly fucking enamored with you?

That time he wouldn't leave your bedside because you were severely wounded and comatose?

"I am not my old man, kid." He states after a few minutes of silence. "And if it wasn't clear already, I'd do anything for you. I don't know shite about being a parent but I'll try, yeah? For you..." he clears his throat. This was as complicated for him as it was for you. "For both of you, I'll try." The words sound strange coming out of his mouth. You close the space between you and hug him, inhaling his scent. He kisses your temple while rubbing soft circles on your back. Relief washes over your body and the tears stop gradually, until it's just the two holding one another during a raging storm of feelings and nature outside.

Soon the tension, the doubts and the anxiety are replaced with reassurance and loving words.

Promises.

Things you never thought you'd hear.

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periwinkla · 3 months

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I think what I love the most about AA is that characters have a duality to them that I don't see often in media. They have actual flaws and do actual bad things, and it's not glossed over. Phoenix is a fundamentally good person, he helps people at the drop of a hat, risks his life for them. Has a penchant for taking strays under his wing. He believes in people... but also not really. He carries a literal lie detector with him at all times, and only employs people who can also peer into other people's hearts. So is he really that trusting? Sure he trusts his clients are innocent, but he doesn't trust they will tell him the truth at all (there's always something to lie about). He believes himself naive, and that's why he works extra hard not to be. Some people think he changed with his disbarment but I feel like when he actually changed was after Dahlia. He became less and less trusting as time went on. And Phoenix actually does forge evidence and risks his subordinate's career, and he says pretty nasty things sometimes (that one time to Edgeworth had got to hurt, badly, especially if you consider that the note could have been genuine at first, which we don't know for sure), has a pretty tactless and somewhat hurtful sense of humor, brings his daughter to cheat at poker, and doesn't tell said daughter she actually has some family left alive. He's secretive, elusive and cryptic, and masks it under a false pretence of goofiness. Miles is, by contrast, very easy to read. He may appear emotionally stunted but is one of the more emphathetic characters. He realizes when he's wrong and immediately needs to correct those wrongs. He grows uneasy and uncertain and eventually recognizes when he's mistaken. By the end of it he begins to help people naturally, without even thinking about it as much as he would have in the past. He helps so many people, he has basically got Phoenix's savior complex 2.0 but the healthy kind where he doesn't jump off a bridge. But... he was also actually cruel, and did send innocent people to their graves (was he really so naive to believe whichever defendant came his way was guilty?). He feigned his death disregarding other people's feelings, and while you could say he had no obligation towards Phoenix (apart from basic decency and respect towards someone who had turned his life around to save him), he still abandoned Franziska, who was still just a kid and had just discovered her father was a psychopath. She probably thought, at some point, that the apple didn't fall that far from the tree. That's it's somehow her fault as well. He may be rude and antagonistic, frank to a fault. Isn't afraid of telling stuff to your face. But he also cares about the people he loves so much, to the point he doesn't hesitate to risk his career and break the law multiple times. He may appear a pessimist but he's pretty idealistic at heart, it's quite funny that his favourite show is about an hero of justice, isn't it? Godot is... well, we don't know much about it from before his coma, but he definitely shared Mia's sentiments for helping people in their hour of need. But when he wakes from a 6-year coma he's so broken that he just pins the blame on the most absurd person to blame it on, settles on a complicated plan, and also prosecutes on that particular murder he should just confess upon. Iris was sweet, innocent, self-sacrificing. She knew absolutely nothing about the world apart from what Bikini or her sister told her. She was naive and falsely thought she could fix everything, that her sister was salvageable, that she could save Phoenix. But she still ended up lying to the person she loved and abetting a murder. That's why I love these characters so much. They're interesting and their stories make sense. People don't remain unchanged from what happens to them. People are multi-faceted and complex. You can't sum them up in a bunch of characteristics and aspect them to act on every single one of them, always, consistently. Sometimes people break. They make mistakes they regret, ...and some they don't.

#ace attorney #musings #aa musings

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alijuan · 2 months

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Ascended Astarion is true unlike Spawn Astarion who pretends to be good for Tav

If i see that opinion again i will explode🫠

It's funny because Astarion will only approves if you persuade him not to perform the ritual.

A lot of people don't understand the concept of grey morality and it shows. Many people justify him but this type of AA fan thinks worse of him than he really is. He needs the ritual not because he's a power-hungry villain, but because he needs safety for himself and his lover. Depending on Tav/Durge's actions, he either stays with the feeling of fear (AA is still afraid deep inside, the game files confirm this) or he fights against it and becomes truly free of Cazador and fear (spawn ending). The dialogue with Durge about not being afraid is wonderful and shows difference between SA and AA.

Astarion: This little adventure of ours has taught me that we can't let our lives be ruled by fear. Or else we never really live. Astarion: I'm not afraid. Not of you, not of your darkness, and not of our future.

The point of the spawn ending is that Tav/Durge saw him as more than just an outward image of a power-hungry killer incapable of becoming a better person. But if you can't see beyond that image, he will think that he has no choice but to continue living in the world that Cazador has built for him. If you think that AA is his best ending because he is evil then you have failed to understand his whole personality.

I feel safe with you. Seen.

Despite of his love of killing (he is a vampire after all), he repeatedly showed compassion and guilt for luring people. Before the ritual, he literally convinced himself that he should kill spawn for power. Astarion rationalises this to protect his psyche, because he’s clearly not the type of guy who can sacrifice thousands of people to the devil and not feel anything about it.

Durge/Tav: This isn’t you, Astarion. Not really. Astarion: It should be.

I really like that the player technically makes the insight check and that there’s an advantage when they're romancing Astarion. Tav/Durge could see through the image Astarion was trying to create. They saw an elf whose fear prevented him from seeing all the possibilities.

Astarion: When I look at my future, anything and everything feels possible now.

Just as Astarion saw Durge not just as serial killer, but as someone who could defeat Urge and become a better person.

Durge: I am myself at last. You don't need to fear anything from me ever again. Astarion: I knew you had that sweat heart all along. I was alarmed by you sometimes, scandalised even, but somehow by your side, I still only ever saw you.

AA fans also often ignore the fact that the game has good and bad endings in the companion stories. And it's not about morality. All companion quests are literally about how the desired and obvious path leads to a bad ending. And Astarion is no exception. In a good ending, he gets the chance to heal and finally acceptes himself and his vampire nature, in a bad ending, he gives up and regresses as a person.

Spawn Astarion knows what he wants and says it. SA is ready for a relationship and sex. Ascended Astarion can’t answer the question of what he wants, so he acts as a vampire lord should. AA is literally back to the state of the first act and has started manipulating Tav/Durge through sex again (even repeating the same phrases). This is why he doesn’t really want sex (he approves if you choose the no sex option and he definitely dissociated during the sex scene) unlike Spawn Astarion who initiated it.

Spawn Astarion is the same Astarion who enjoys “murder and terror” and you can see that clearly in his “hero” ending (more like “antihero”). And this is the ending without romance, he chose it himself. And the whole idea of him pretending to be good for Tav is actually meaningless without romance.

Ascended Astarion is the same Astarion, but stuck in a black and white world of fear and domination.

SA scene ends with hope music (instrumental version of I want to live) AA scene ends with chains.

And there’s so much more. Larian specifically showed the difference between good and bad endings in the dialogues, scenes after ritual, recent updates and even the interview so people would definitely understand, but they didn't🙃 Some AA fans (especially on youtube and larian forum) are on a new level of delusion.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #Narrative comprehension is dead #durgestarion #astarion x durge #astarion x tav #spawn astarion #ascended astarion #такого непон��мания очевидного я не видела даже в геншин фандоме

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27thswan · 6 months

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❝ 𝐤𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐮 𝐧𝐨 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐚𝐥. ❞ hsr x reader

synopsis. wake up to see him. just him. (+ scenarios bc i got distracted)

warnings. no real warnings, idrk too much about luka, i just used his wiki for my reference :x

author's notes. i wanna write dilf luka because in his wiki page it says he inspires people especially kids to dream big. i think that's so cute aa

pairings. dan heng, blade, jing yuan, luocha, welt yang, luka, caelus, gepard landau, arlan, sampo x gn!reader (seperately)

☆ dan heng

oh so like, he sometimes just doesn't sleep.

just no sleep at all, and could wake up just fine, but that was before you came along

sometimes just stays up looking at your cute sleeping expression.

and if you ever smile while sleeping, ohh you bet he's gonna be giggling and blushing

always wakes up before you if he ends up sleeping (he does end up sleeping, just as long as you sleep on his chest)

loves, and i mean LOVES to be the big spoon, but doesn't mind being in your embrace instead

but when he does wake up before you, just waits for like 20, maybe 30 minutes more just to see your pretty eyes open to his face

all he could do was watch your chest heave, your eyes still closed, still, your head was on his chest, dozing off. and all his thoughts could say was how lucky he was, to be so close to someone, as close as this, so close, they trust him while they're vulnerable, but being able to be vulnerable around someone is a way to open up your heart, and he's so glad he did for you.

☆ blade

always just ends up finding you stranded on the couch of your shared room, wearing one of his clothes, or atleast a blanket over you

but, he doesn't mind carrying you to your guys' bedroom, might slip a bit cuz he admires you while going there, just gets a tinsy bit distracted

just so lowkey in love with your warm embrace, hands wrapped around his middle, while he just watches you, watches you doze, and all he can do is fall in love a little more

when its time for him to go in the morning, his heart breaks a little, cuz ik he wants to stay with you for a bit longer, just to feel your head next to his neck

kinda scared you'll hear his loud heartbeat, and it goes slightly faster each minute, just knowing his beloved is asleep on him

just seeing your resting face, while your legs entangle with each other. just watching you cuddle closer to him. and he just wants to let this last forever, but he knows he has to go sooner or later. just brushing the hair off your face, just cupping your face so he can kiss both your cheeks, then your nose, all the way back to the clichè peck on the lips.

☆ jing yuan

sometimes, he isn't early when he comes back home from work, sometimes he isn't even there, but when he is, he feels insanely bad, for always leaving you just waiting for him

but on the days he can come home to see your beautiful face, it's always in the nights, not always but, when he's that busy, it's usually him coming back home in night time.

yes. yes. big thumbs up. he missed you so much. especially misses your arms wrapped around him, and his head on yours, just the both of you

RAAA THIS MAN CANNOT COOK FOR HIS LIFE. so please, cook for him instead, he will buy you one of those 'kiss the chef' aprons.

i just know you, yanqing, and him, are so family like when together, but yanqing isn't there and stuff, or when he's in his own room sleeping after you've tucked him into bed, jing yuan likes to take you into his arms, without your little thirdwheel

but even if yanqing often thirdwheeled on you guys, it becomes more like a family spending time together, and it isn't like his presence is disliked, but he does and will say ew when you and jing yuan kiss

he never minded carrying you up to your shared master bedroom in his mansion, he never minded cuddling with you either. having himself in your embrace for even just a night is more than a blessing to him, and he can't help but turn a little red, "one day, i'll marry you, just have to find the perfect ring." holding you a bit closer than before. and maybe closer than he should be. but, he's sure you won't mind.

☆ luocha

OOO he's such a romantic sweetheart with it.. smooth as hell. like i know bro tries his best to come home to you every night. and makes sure when he does come home from those long ahh expeditions, he comes home with souvenirs, and arms wide open ready to be welcomed by your usual hug and ready to embrace your warmth.

but you weren't.. there? oh! there you are! asleep on the couch, and asleep on usually what would be him, but now replaced by a pillow, and covered by a fluffy blanket he brought home from the xianzhou luofu.

yes yes yes. please. hug this man like he's gonna go away again tomorrow, his love language is physical touch, and maybe quality time. loves it when you're the one tying the tie on his suit before he goes out on those long expeditions again.

he probably breaks down sometimes mid-hug cuz thats just how much he missed you, and missed that warmth that always comforted him.

his eyes open up, open up to see the pretty face that always made him feel at home, the pretty face that always made sure he was okay after adventures, expeditions, his job, the pretty face that always asked if he needed anything, if he needed help, if he ever wanted you to tag along those deathly expeditions. the pretty face that he always ended up kissing at the end of the day, the pretty face he's learned to love so dearly.

☆ welt

wow so, i think personally he'd be on the express almost 24/7 with you, and if not on the express, it's out on a trailblazing mission together with him, and the little devil trio (march 7th, dan heng, and trailblazer), just a family going out doing family things!

will always be by your side 24/7, not as busy as the others, and would take you out shopping too!

oh but he's just like dan heng, can go many nights without rest, its what he's been accustomed to for so long, for so long on those trailblazing mission that required him to be awake all night and day.

whenever you guys kiss, he sometimes smiles while you do. like you can feel it too, and it's just something he does.

probably holds both of your hands when you both smooch, cuz he just is a sweetheart like that.

just like luocha, a romantic sweetheart, if he isn't holding your hands, his hands are around your waist, probably 1 arm around your waist, and 1 cupping your cheek

while finding out what planet is next to set you and your trailblazing adventures on with him and the little devil trio, he likes to let you rest, head on his lap, while his jacket covers you from the chilly atmosphere, himeko watching from afar, just laughing at how corny you both are. but she's glad she was the one to help you both together.

☆ luka

now i know i don't know much about him at the moment, but i like a challenge!!

he probably likes it way better if you cuddle him, probably loves physical touch a lot too.

but when it isn't you cuddling him, he'll definitely would be so willing to just take you in his arms, and playing with your hair till you fall asleep, probably falls asleep too

good, great, another great man with great hand placement, if that's a thing, cuz he knows where to put his arms, where to put his hand, where you're comfortable with him touching, and he remembers to just sooooothe you with words

i just know this man is good with words, especially when it comes to praise

just praise and praise and praise, no end, because that's how much he really loves you

he may not always be home, but he wants to take you out as much as he can, and as long as that's what you want too!

probably bumped into you so hard the first time you both met you fell into his arms

having someone as amazing as you in his arms, he felt like it wasn't even real. sometimes all he could think about was what if he never bumped into you? oh but.. who cares anymore, you both are together now. he can't help but say so unconsciously out loud, 'i can't believe, how just a few months ago, i struggled to find the words to talk to you, and now you're in my arms, willingly this time.' slowly he fell asleep too, but he didn't know you were still half awake, but more than ready to sleep after what he just said <3

☆ caelus

emotionally intelligent sweetheart, tries his best to make you as comfortable as possible, even in bed, even just while you both are cuddling and such

good hand placement, but is a bit shy when he does have his arms around your middle

prefers that you kind of face him, the feeling that you're in his arms, and your breath near his neck, makes him feel safe, and happy, that you're still there, in his arms.

whenever he was with you, when you were in his arms, it felt like his body could really just breathe

kinda just likes to nuzzle his head next to that little space near your neck

his hair is real fluffy, believe me that little raccoon doesn't take care of his hair as often, its just genetics

he always liked it like this, ever since he fell for you, he kind of dreamed about this, and now it's really a dream come true, just him in your arms, where no hell can disturb what heaven he's in right now. just you and him, no one else, and that's why he feels so comforted with you. it feels like.. he finally has a home.

☆ gepard

another shy, yet romantic sweetheart, but he'd totally be new to all things romantic, so, guide him yk?

would also prefer if he cuddled you more than you cuddling him, probably cups your cheek while he does too, atleast while you sleep

kind of talks to you while you sleep, he knows that you could and could also not be sleeping, but in the end he never really cared, sometimes he just wanted to tell you things that he couldn't while you were awake

like how much he wishes to say i love you, but doesn't know how to express it, and at night he recalls words that he thinks could describe his love for you

sometimes it's just so indescribable, he just stops in the middle of saying stuff to look at you

really really likes it when you hold him close, or when he can hold you closer

'from just passing by each other in the street, to being in my bed. hah.' he whispered to himself, smiling at your sleeping face, cupping your cheek to kiss your temple. just admiring all your features, everything about you was so perfect, he still wonders how someone like him got to get with someone as amazing as you. the longer he looked, the more his eyes started to slowly close. until finally, he's asleep, while your legs intertwine, he holds your hand too, just so happy to be with you. what a fever dream.

☆ arlan

wow, how did he get with you? is his main question, from just being a friend of a friend, to becoming this close, so close that your hands touch, your legs intertwine, that his lips could be on yours? just.. wow.

kind of touch-starved, i know it. got to know him through asta, no other answer. asta would be so supportive of you both too, probably the one who help set the both of you up!!

anyway, he's just so.. starstruck? you really went on dates with him, and held his hand, and kissed his cheek.. hahajsdsamkd

just goes absolutely haywire when he realizes that in the morning that you're right next to him, like oh okay.. WAIT???!?!?!?!

i just know he wakes up early, like almost too early, and just stares at you for an hour, maybe falls asleep again in that hour, but he does just look at how beautiful you look

lowkey overthinks, but he's just happy to be right there, next to you, just blushes at the thought, and blushes when he feels you on his chest

how did it go from not knowing your name, and you being on his chest. always and everyday thanks his friend, asta, for introducing you to him. doesn't know what would've happened to him by now if she didn't.. would he still be wondering what your name was? would he still be alone in bed, with nothing but thoughts he has to respond to otherwise he'd- well.. it's best to just not think about that, and instead enjoy your presence, he has to leave in a bit for work, he just is so much more thankful than he ever was than before.

☆ sampo

big tease, like you can't look me in the eyes and tell me he isn't a tease about it

he'd be so big on physical touch though, like yeah he knows his way with words but c'mon.. he looks like he'd carry you while hugging you, like when people carry the other person when they hug into the air? yeah he'd do that

he has a habit of carrying you around your house, especially at night then plops you down on the bed just to like deep dive hug you, idk how to describe it but he dives into the bed and transitions that into cuddling, somehow

just caresses your hair alot, like while you rest your head on his chest or something, his hand is fidgeting with your hair

even though like uh, he may not show that you know, or atleast in a serious way, he really loves the way you look, the way you act, when he falls for someone, he FALLS, like believe me (pls)

sure he may be a little teasing shit with nicknames and stuff, and constantly making you flustered

like trust me as soon as he saw you bro fell, and fell harder, that's all i'm gonna say

oh and bro can cook, like cook amazingly good, for some reason, could be a bit ooc, for this, but i like to think he can cook really well, and he'd cook millions of kinds of food, just to impress you

just as he looks to his side, to see his little love dove asleep, turning off the tv, so that you could sleep in silence. he tried his best to always word out how much he loved you, but sometimes you just think he was just joking around. he always hopes deep down inside that, you knew he wasn't joking, that he meant every word, even the words that one day he'd put a ring on your finger, and he'd the only man to do so, because you'd be with him forever, he just.. can't help but fall asleep too, and with that last thought, he brushes the stray strands of hair off your face, to kiss both of your cheeks, and finally rest too.

malewife sampo real no joke no cap no shot no way

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blue-sterling0357 · 7 months

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May I have ciel, alois, joker , dagger, and vincent Phantomhive with a s/O.The one with the demeanor of the gentle kanae, the elegant shinobu like the butterfly 🦋 and the cheerful plus kindness like mitsuri kanroji. I know my request is not important so you can ignore this 👏 , I really like the whole story and your blog everything is perfect💯👍👏

(My favourite request in a while! I added Sebastian too! Sorry... Angst in Joker's because you die alongside him... :> )

Black Butler X Mitsuri/Shinobu! Reader

Sebastian Michaelis

✥ Sebastian is blatantly happy with himself for meeting someone like you, don't tell him I told you, he won't ever admit it, stupid demon thinking he's all that when he isn't shit.....

✥ If there is one thing you both are known and noticed for, is you guys beauty, I mean you with your amazing (h/c) hair with pink ends and you reek of elegance and superiority while him, he's tall and very handsome might I add.

✥ Also as Sebastian's significant other, you probably do know he's a demon, but you like him, cause he doesn't kill and eat humans like the ones in your place.

✥ Sebastian loves you so much, you're so very kind even to creatures like him, upon learning of your past, where your fiance rejected you because you would eat more the other girls, because of your unusual hair, because of your strength, it was the first time he had ever felt his blood boil so much.

✥ He is proud of you that you stood back on your feet and how you fight demons, he learns it takes immense power to not only be a hashira but also create a poison strong and lethal enough to kill them, that's impressible!

✥ Sebastian also knows of how demons killed you elder sister and how you thus have anger which you often lace with a smile because you sister liked when you smile, he can feel your anger...

✥ Sebastian has tried to tone down your obsession on Sakura mochi and you definitely weren't happy about it, but once learning how you lose your pink tips and how your hair is coloured simply because of how much you eat, you get a few Sakura Mochi, simply only to keep your adorable pink tips in your hair.

✥ Sebastian when he first made food for you, he made enough to fill you by looking at your figure, you were quite thin, but you finished all the food in only aa few minutes and were still hungry, that's when he learnt about you humongous appetite of that compared to three sumos. He is impressed, a tad bit scared because is this normal?? Also ready to make good food for you!!

✥ Sebastian often sits there while you work as doctor at the butterfly mansion with your younger sisters and the three Butterfly girls, he also learnt about Tamayo, you both would help each other make poisons and sometimes Sebastian would also learnt to make some and help you with fighting demons.

✥ Of-course he isn't able to kill them as they only regenerate, he learns how the demons at your place only die of sunlight, if Muzan gets mad and only if they get mutilated by a demon slayer's sword, he obviously knows how to use a katana and so sometimes he kills little demons here and there for fun.

✥ Sanemi, Obanai and others obviously didn't take well to you dating a demon and they thought he was trying to date to get info for Muzan and so tried to kill him by bringing him in the sunlight, and since Sebastian was only standing there all confused everyone was shocked, until you explained he was a different type of demons and told them how they don't like to eat humans that way, they understood him though still a bit doubtful.

✥ He saw you kill the spider girl, he did find it hot when you threatened to gouge out her eyes or slash her stomach and organs, he finally saw you using your insect breathing for the first time, he finds it very beautiful! He also learns your breathing style by the way, neither you nor him understand how and why because first, he's a demon and second he isn't going to die in the way demons under Muzan die.?????

✥ Oh speaking of Muzan, he found Sebastian doing things and learnt he was also a demon and asked Sebastian to help him find the blue spider lily because he thought Sebastian was also using his blood and when Sebastian was attacked by him and threatened to take his blood and nothing happened, that is when Muzan realized he was fucked, Muzan was safe tho, because Sebastian was distracted by you....

✥ Sebastian is very much familiar with the fact that you have incredible physical strength because once you were returning from a two week mission when Sebastian welcomed you and in excitement and happiness you hugged him so tightly and you didn't realise you picked him up from the floor upto two feet in the air and it wasn't until Sebastian started speaking that you realized how strong you are and put him down apologizing a bit...

✥ If there is one thing Sebastian dislikes a bit about you is how you find everybody so cute and simp over them all the time! Cause he's a demon and he is naturally possessive and protective of you, it's fine he feels better when you began simping over him again after he does one tiny thing which you find hot!

✥ Oh, Ciel also asks you to bake him sweet-treats cause other than being a demon slayer, you have a bakery business which you handle with the snake Hashira, Obanai, your best-friend and your sibling!

✥ You are very smart, you created a poison powerful enough to kill a demon and thus, you tried making a thing for temporarily helping Sebastian become human in which you kind of succeeded, cause after trying it on Sebastian, he can "turn" on his taste buds on demand, because he ans to taste you delicacies and foods an to make sure the food he's cooking is good as well...

✥ Oh, he saw a photo of your family and he found out you got your strength from your dad, he saw that you also earned his adorable cheek moles, you also have a brother and you how lifted a HUGE ROCK as a baby...he is tad bit worried, but over all in love!

✥ Oh and you also help in fighting with your katan laced with wisteria poison, though Sebastian disapproves of this he only does this because he knows you can fight, but if it's a his type of demon demon, he's putting the place on lockdown because ain't no way in hell is he letting you fight any demons more than you already do!

Ciel PhantomHive

✥ Ciel and you, his S/O were one hell of a couple! You, a bubby, elegant and sweet person also very smart may I add, while him, cold, quiet, annoyed, strict, though smart as well!

✥ Ciel finds you very peculiar, he knows of your past, your fiance hating the fact that you eat more than other girls, how your hair colour was weird and how you were strong and how demons killed your beloved sister. He finds you very strong to bear all that and still stay happy, I mean how could you be so bubbly and kind, when he is still looking for people who killed his parents.

✥ When you first met Ciel, it was because he was hurt and you were the best doctor of the place, he was there at the butterfly mansion, when you walked in and god forbid, your beauty took his breath away, literally and figuratively because he ended up having a asthma attack and Sebastian always made fun of Ciel for that..

✥ He is very proud of you as well, how you stopped caring how people view your appetite, strength and looks, because as long as you are happy and achieving your goals, people have no right to try and take them away from your simply because you don't look normal.

✥ He watches you train everyday! I mean, he is terrified and interested at your immense flexibility training and how strong you are physically, you can pick up Bard and Sebastian single handedly at the same time, he learnt your strength is very helpful in killing the demons in your area, because it takes immense strength to cut a demon's head off.

✥ Speaking of killing demons, you can easily kill a demon by cutting their head off and yet you also use your brain to make a poison lethal enough to kill them in case of a position you're not strong enough to kill them, Ciel definitely tried to use it on Sebastian....

✥ Oh and he encourages your obsession with Sakura mochi, because he learnt that once when Sebastian cut off the Sakura Mochi from a particular diet you asked him to give you, Ciel learnt how your hair loose it's beautiful pink strands, when you stopped eating them and because they're a trade mark beauty feature of yours, he was very angry and demanded you get off the diet and continue with your Sakura Mochi obsession to bring back your pink tips!

✥ Speaking of mochi, Ciel now always eats sweet dishes because you own a bakery with your siblings, and your sweets taste very good and you cook amazing food and of-course it is now Ciel's comfort food and he demands it when he is having late-night cravings.

✥ Your bakery is most definitely famous, and you always help Bard make food as every noble is jealous of the Phantomhive manor's good sweets and amazing foods

✥ Ciel also learnt about Kanao and how she uses a coin and how she was treated, he felt bad for her and he formed a soft connection with her, Kanao learnt about Ciel's past while she told him about her past and they ecause good friends, Kanao likes him and trusts you for choosing him

✥ Ciel watches you and Tamayo make poisons and often asks Sebastian to bring a demon so you and Tamayo can test it's lethality on it and see the side-effects!

✥ You know how girls sit on their boyfriends' backs when they push up? Yeah, instead it's Ciel who sits on your back while you do push-ups and you can go forever without getting tired cause Ciel is very light! And so Ciel reads a medium size books while you do pushups or planks.

✥ You introduced Ciel and the staff to Kamaboko squad and Nezuko loves him, Ciel is generally enjoying her and Tanjirou's company becuse he learns how their family was also slaughtered, while he is absolutely angry around Zenitsu because he doesn't like the fact that Zenitsu is absolutely flirting with you. He's neutral with Inosuke, mainly cause he doesn't care about the boy but when Inosuke took off his mask, Ciel is very surprised to see a pretty girl's face on a wild boar's body, he's fine with it....kind of angry when he goes around fighting and being angry at people

✥ Tanjirou and Nezuko know about Sebastian being demon because you told them and Ciel likes the surprising fact that Tanjirou's smelling sense are god-tier and how his forehead is rock-hard, because he once bashed his head on a table in frustration and it broke into smithereens, scaring the staff. Mey-rin and Finny love Nezuko, they find her adorable but confused as to why she wears a muzzle and though they know you have demons in your world, they understand not to ask about it.

✥ Okay, let's continue with your relationship! Ciel, for once finds your humongous appetite to be quite insatiable sometimes, but nothing Sebastian's cooking can't fix, he knows how much to make for you and since you feel upset for increasing their work, you help by helping Mey-rin clean the dishes and make sure she doesn't do anything weird or break anything!

✥ Ciel also gets highly jealous when you start complimenting people because you find them cute or beautiful or hot, but it's fine cause you always come back to him and shower him in the compliments for than anyone else and you can also sense he's mad...

✥ He finds you very elegant, exactly like a butterfly and whenever you fight a demon you sometimes show him how you use your breathing style and though you can't actually see it , he can feel it, pretty butterflies fluttering around.

Alois Trancy

✥ He is very much questioning how you aren't mad about your past with you ex-fiancee and your elder sister being killed by a demon, because he feels his blood burn when you told him about...

✥ Alois very much understands your hate for demons, yet you're still very kind to hannah, the triplets and Claude. You're very kind and you still like to help the five demons, even though you hate demons, not all, but enough demons!

✥ Now, you're very pretty and that's something Alois loves, he is always ready to dress you up in very pretty dresses and clothing, he loves to you dressed up in your kimonos or yukatas, or a training uniform, he likes to stare cause he's a little perv..

✥ Okay, but facts the fact that he is scared and turned on by your training, you're so flexible, it's scary, and your strength..GOD! HE LOVES A STRONG LADY who is sweet..he's weird..But ngl, he's supportive of your job and work as your S/O, that's nice of him, isn't it??

✥ Okay, your appetite is accepted, eh doesn't even realize a lot that you're eating WAYYY MORE than a normal persons; only 3 sumos appetite much, but he accepts it and asks Claude and Hannah more like DEMANDED them to make more food for you and you help them in cleaning the dishes.

✥ Oh, he saw how MANY sakura mochis you ate and he demanded you stop and you stopped for a while and then he noticed how your hair was no longer pink and he apologized while crying in your lap and you continued with your love for it. He is honestly very sorry, eh loves your pink hair tips and needs them in his life to survive...

✥ He is obsessed with you carrying him like a princess in your arms, since you're so strong it's like you're holding a couple of grapes in your hands but it's Alois, and yes, he does get mad when Claude tries to take him away from you...

✥ He wants to learn how to handle the katana but always somehow ends up hurting himself or doing something to the katana, when you tell him how katana are specially made for particular breathing style, he tones down the fun things for a bit, but he's surprised at how you wield the Love breathing sword, when Claude told him a similar thing in India martial art, which you have to fold after using it, but your sword is kinda different so he prefers not to touch it in case he damages it, he will apologize!

✥ Oh and if he's ever sick, no way will he let anyone treat him other than you...If anyone even tries to touch him, he'll stab them...not to worry, he'll listen to you like an obedient person and lover he is..

✥ Oh and he does not eat treats unless they're from your hand, he loves sweets from your bakery, he will always help you financially, but he enjoys going to your bakery...

✥ Gets jealous very easily and will yell at you for finding other people attractive or cute, but look at him angrily or just be upset with him, he will apologize, he just doesn't want you to leave him!

✥ He finds your family quite adorable as well, especially how you inherited your dad's cheek moles and strength and how you were able to pick up a HUGE stone as a child, he wants you to carry him everywhere you can!!!

✥ He finds your intelligence hot and great! You made a poison to kill the demons in your world, which aren't killed by anything except sunlight, muzan being angry or getting their head chopped off by a demon slayer, so it's a VERY BIG feat! He is very proud of you~

Joker

✥ Well there are many types of people in the Noah's Ark circus and you were one particular one and why you may ask? It's because you're dating Joker, duh!

✥ He found you very beautiful for your gorgeous purple and pink tips and gorgeous sparkling eyes, and amazing strength and intelligent mind which you use as a weapon to kill demons!...Aren't you an amazing thing to be in Noah's Ark?~

✥ If you don't mind doing shows with him, he will be happy, he finds it quite nice how flexible you are..and obviously some dirty thoughts come to mind at first, but he won't do them unless you're comfortable...He finds you just very pretty is all!!

✥ He finds you just as strong as he and the OG members of Noah's ark are; the pain you must have felt when you were torn apart for your beauty by your fiance the one whom you loved...how he hated how much you ate, how much your pretty hair disgusted him...but how much stronger you came back as, even after all the pain from that you lost your darling sister!

✥ Though he knows of the fact that you hide your anger under your smile because your sister liked your smile, he knows your hatred for a particular demons runs deep but you don't hate all of them, which is very surprising! But he's happy as long as you smile genuinely around him!

✥ He will definitely overwatch your training and get scared at it, you're so freaking strong and FAST?! HOW? oh right...killing demons..But still he finds it quite fascinating!

✥ He also learnt how you bought Kanao, and how she was also very similar to you, elegant and sweet looking, when he first met her, they were quite awkward, before Kanao asked how you were doing cause now you lived so far from her and she was also missing you a bit... In the end, she ended giving him a hug and in return he gave her a few headpats, he also made her a pretty butterfly pair of hairclip matching with you, so she could feel closer to you!

✥ Oh and he is always praising your intelligence, cause not only did you make poison lethal enough to kill demons but also help them increase their audience by quite a large number!!

✥ He will always compliment or praise you because he did not like how your fiance degraded you, he wants you to know you're gorgeous!!! He will not stand you thinking you're ugly, when you can make a life earnings with your looks only!!!

✥ You both died side-by-side...he held onto your body very tightly, and you held onto him equally tightly, He comforted you saying it was just wrong time..

"...Shhh...I'm sorry..I'm so very sorry my love...This just wasn't out time...Maybe we'll meet again...in another life...and in life after that...and every life we will have... I love you.." and if you both got a proper funeral... you had to buried right into one large coffin, cause he could not be pulled away from you...and people didn't even have the heart to... :>

Vincent PhantomHive

✥ Vincent was a incredible man, and so it was not surprising when he had equally as gorgeous S/O as you.. you were quite a something, very much known in between other nobles...

✥ He is constantly worried for your safety as a demon slayer; he knows he shouldn't be cause you're a Hashira, but still! Whenever he knows you fight some lower demon, he is not worried, but when he received the news that you fouuntil you come back safe to him...ght some stronger demon, he is constantly pacing and worried...

✥ He will never fail to compliment you, he will compliment he finds you think is stupid or ugly or whenever you're feeling insecure or self-conscious and compliment you! It's his job as your husband after all!!

✥ Oh, speaking of compliments, his main reason to give you millions of compliments is because he heard about your previous fiancee and how he treated you, shamed you and everything else and how you hid yourself from being your true self even in the few years you met him, you hid yourself...he will never let that happen again. Never again.

✥ Vincent is an exceptionally kind man....he never treat anyone cruelly...but god has he never felt so much anger before...how dare someone so lowlife get the audacity to comment on your appearance..and that demon...he killed your darling sister...you're extremely strong and he's very much blown away by you and he admires you so much!!!

✥ He doesn't want you to be ashamed of your beauty which brings people to their knees..which makes people lose their breaths..which makes people question if they want to be you or be with you...how can you not see it in yourself?

✥ Oh and...he is definitely concerned about your intake of Sakura Mochi..let's pretend all the victorian intelligence for women isn't there...He did try to slow it down a bit, but it only made you slightly upset and lose your gorgeous pink tips...and he felt upset seeing you upset, so he began continuing your obsession!

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etherealising · 9 months

Text

chapter seven | they know i believed in us last week

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader | platonic!pete x fem!reader | male!oc x fem!reader |

summary: carmy struggles to deal with your absence in his life, while you finally learn to live without him.

wc: 7.3k

song rec: i'll still have me - cyn, aquilo

semi-edited/proof-read

“Carm hey, are you listening?” Natalie’s eyes flitted across Carmy’s face, his blank eyes staring directly past her. She took this moment as a chance to take in her younger brother’s ragged appearance, at first glance he looked like he normally did; exhausted. But taking the time to really study him, she knew Carmy was doing worse than he’d ever admit.

His usual textured and fluffy hair was limp against his head, the greasy quality of it proving he needed a wash. The discoloration under his eyes was the worst Nat had seen it, the deep blue-purple bruising a sign that he was getting even less sleep than he usually did. The skin of his lips was dehydrated and bitten to pieces, a tick he had as a child that gradually calmed down as he grew older. And the visible stubble on his chin was enough to know that the absence of your presence in his life was hitting him harder than anyone expected.

Her eyes caught on the chain that was haphazardly peeking out of his shirt, squinting at the newly added pendant hanging from it. Natalie didn’t have to be a genius to know whose initial hung around Carmen’s neck, the chain which was usually safely tucked into his shirt was now blatantly on show for everyone to see. Natalie had noticed it more recently since your and Carmy’s argument, though this was her first time seeing it this close. She would find him just standing in the restaurant, sometimes eyes staring into nothing as he worried the pendant between his fingers, oftentimes raising it to his lips before letting it go completely and wandering to do whatever task needed to be done.

Natalie’s concern was palpable but the discomfort in her abdomen was worse. “Have you tried talking to her?” The shaky breath she let out filtered between the two of them.

Carmen’s eyes finally snapped to hers taking in the uncomfortable expression on her face, “Sug?” He waited for Nat to focus on him. “You good?” The question hung in the air as Natalie tried to even out her breathing.

Using his sister's obvious discomfort to deflect from the conversation she was insistent on having wasn’t the nicest thing to do, but he’d rather put his sister’s well-being before being forced to think about how long it had been since he last spoke to you; he last saw you.

Carmy watched as Sug raised a closed hand to her mouth suppressing the urge to gag. “Yeah good, I’m good.” The forced smile on her lips did nothing to fool Carmy, but he wouldn’t force the issue.

“Can you uh, explain to me again how we’re doing, I spaced.” His fingers raised to run through his hair a small grimace painting his face at the grime he could feel left behind on his fingertips.

“Seven weeks out, Carm, and still so much to be done,” An exhausted sigh breathed through Natalie’s lips. The stress opening this restaurant caused felt extremely unnecessary considering her current status.

“No yeah I heard that,” Carmy nodded his head rapidly, Sug’s words slowly coming back to him. He squinted his eyes, hand scratching the grown-out stubble on his chin. “You uh said something about the DBA getting rejected?”

“About that.” Natalie’s voice trailed off one hand pressing into her abdomen to ease the ache, “The name’s taken.”

Nat watched as Carmy processed the words, her discomfort felt like it was increasing as the seconds passed by.

“Who the fuck could’ve taken the name?” The idea perplexed Carmy. There was no chance another business could have the same name, well there was, it was just slim as hell.

Nat shrugged just as confused as Carmy “It’s been trademarked for years, whoever filed has all legal rights to the name.”

“Fuck me!” The pitch of Carmy’s voice rose along with his irritation.

Natalie’s own mumbled expletive was drowned out by Carmy’s outburst, the nauseating morning sickness she was experiencing came in an extra hard bout today.

“Yo, Sug…Sug. You sure you’re okay?” Carmy’s concern now outweighed his confusion, Nat’s weird behavior this whole morning was beginning to worry him.

“I can do this Carmy right, tell me I can do this.” Natalie’s breathing began to increase as a slight panic flooded through her. Carmy watched her with wide eyes, no idea what she could even be talking about.

“Tell me I can do it, Carm!” The wave of nausea subsided with her yell, Carmy’s hands raised in the air to divert blame.

“Fuck okay! You can do it Sug.”

“I am…completely terrified. And I’m only telling you because..I don’t know. Just-just in case.” Natalie nodded to herself as a way to provide her nerves with courage.

Carmy just stared at Natalie still not following where she was leading this conversation to.

“I really want this to be loving and good and happy,” A smile rose to Nat’s face “I just..I don’t want anyone to know…well besides Baby and now you.”

Carmy’s eyes focused on Sug’s abdomen, the pieces of the puzzle slowly fitting together in his head. The name she spoke felt like it was echoing through his ears.

“Sure” He wasn’t sure how to react to the news, he had always assumed Natalie would be the first of the siblings to start a family. And as the years passed by he knew it was a desire he himself had.

“I really don’t want Richie to know. Because somehow, it feels more in my control when and who knows…” The sound of the wall falling caused Nat to raise her voice as she finished her sentence. “That I’m pregnant.” Her final words were spoken just loud enough to alert the crew to her news.

“I fuckin’ knew it.” The sound of Richie’s shout grated on Nat’s nerves, but the quiet congratulations helped to ease her ire a bit.

Carmy was happy for Sugar, but it felt like it was setback after setback for the restaurant and all the personal issues he was dealing with weren't helping his stress. He felt his shoulders sag a bit mind racing as to how the name could already be trademarked, or who would’ve trademarked it.

His eyes found Richie’s as the man cajoled about how he knew Natalie was pregnant this whole time. Had Richie told someone the name and they took it for themselves? Did Mikey somehow trademark it while on a bender? The thought made Carmy’s head hurt what the fuck even was the point of opening this restaurant if they couldn’t use the name. The name was the epitome of the restaurant.

If you were here Carmy knew you would've given him an analogy for how he was feeling, you would’ve told him he was like Atlas holding up the sky or whatever he did. He shook his head trying to rid himself of thoughts of you, it wasn’t helping him in the least.

As much as he’d rather not converse with Richie, he needed to get to the bottom of this trademark business.

“Yo, Cousin!” The words felt wrong escaping Carmy’s lips the two men avoided each other in the same way you avoided Carmen.

The agitation on Richie’s face was instant, Carmy knew he fucked up with you, but the cold shoulder he was getting from Richie felt unnecessary.

Nat watched as the two men locked eyes, not too keen on playing referee for these two again. She looked in Carmy’s direction as Richie began making his way over, trying to gauge what was going through her little brother's mind.

“Carmen,” Richie nodded in acknowledgment to Carmy. Richie would be lying if he said he wasn’t purposefully using Carmy’s government name to rile him up, he knew how much Carmy hated it when you did it, and since you weren’t here someone had to uphold the tradition.

Carmy felt his eye twitch Richie’s immaturity since the argument with you felt never-ending. “Did Mikey ever trademark the name?”

Richie frowned looking between him and Nat the assumption that he had any goddamn clue laughable “What the fuck did Mikey look like trademarking shit? Wasn’t I just slangin’ crack to keep the lights on?”

Carmy’s eyes shut as Nat let out a quiet gasp, watching as Richie raised his hands in defense. Maybe running a back alley drug ring wasn’t the best for business, but without it, they may not have been in this moment renovating the restaurant.

“Well someone fucking trademarked it, Richie.” The attitude Carmy was catching was wholly unwelcome.

“I don’t like your tone, Carmen,” Richie matched Carmy’s energy giving him what he was getting. “All I’m sayin’ is Mikey didn’t trademark it whoever did might…I dunno hypothetically deserve an apology in return for said documents.”

Carmy was at his wits end with the older man “Oh so you’re the fucking Riddler now.”

“Baby trademarked the name?” Nat’s voice traveled between the trio at the same time as Carmen’s snarky remark. Carmy’s head shot to her, confused as to how she concluded you had anything to do with the conversation at hand.

“Bingo!” Richie’s hands came together in a loud clap Sydney rolled her eyes at the obnoxious man before looking over the various work orders. “She did that shit years ago and gave it to Mikey as a present, he…left it for her when he passed.”

A quiet fell over their small group, each of them taking in the gesture. Richie had only become privy to the present when he went through the office to try and make sense of what the hell Mikey was doing to keep the business up and running. He had knocked a framed picture of your group off the desk cleaning up the mess only to find the folded trademark document in the back of the broken picture frame.

Your name was haphazardly scribbled into the back of it.

Carmen’s chest heaved as he let the news wash over him, it seemed since the two of you had your falling out the universe was continuously pushing him to interact with you. He raised his hand to his face, rubbing it up and down as he added another item to the long list of things going wrong with the restaurant.

In a way, learning that you were responsible for trademarking the name made Carmy’s chest feel warm. It felt like you wanted this for Mikey just as much as he did, the two of you both supporting Mikey in ways the other never knew. It also gave him an excuse to speak with you, not that he needed one. If he was a better man he would’ve already worked up the courage to reach out to you. He could feel a headache coming on the more he thought about trying to fix things with you.

Carmen was sure he’d figure things out soon, he wasn’t sure how much longer he could figure things out with you not by his side. Which he would admit was quite ironic considering all the times he had willingly pushed you away. But being pushed away by you had proven to him just how badly he was screwing things up with you, to hear you be so upset by his actions he basically forced you into confessing your love stung him to his core.

Carmy wasn’t exactly sure what love was supposed to feel like, but he was almost positive it wasn’t this. The ache in his chest from not being around you, looking for you in every crowd he was in. Soaking up any conversation your name was mentioned in. Maybe he did know what love was supposed to feel like, because for all the time he had been in love with you, he had never once felt so completely and utterly broken as he had been since not fighting for your love a year ago like he should have.

“That was Nat,” you looked up as Pete returned to the table, a smile growing on your face at how happy he looked to have been speaking with his wife. “Cat’s out of the bag! Our pregnancy is no longer top secret!”

Pete’s excitement was contagious, your smile growing wider at his pure joy. “Our pregnancy?” You chuckled never having heard anyone refer to it as if the pregnancy was shared.

You watched as Pete sipped the water in front of him, a signature goofy smile back on his face. “Of course! I mean yeah Nat is carrying the baby, but I’m just as pregnant as she is.” You gave Pete a confused look, a laugh bubbling out of you.

“You laugh now Baby, but I’m serious.” Pete paused as the waiter brought out the bread for your table, both of you quickly thanking them. “Nat’s my partner you know? And I’m so grateful for her providing me the opportunity to be a father. Allowing me to build with her, for us to come together and bring a child into this world, it’s a beautiful thing I love her ya know.”

The sheen in Pete’s eyes was enough to make you emotional you didn’t need to hear his explanation to know how much Pete loved Natalie, you could just see it in the way he looked at her, in the way his face would light up when anyone would mention her name or ask about her.

“I’m happy that Nat has someone like you to build a life with.” Both you and Pete shared misty-eyed smiles, chuckles leaving each of you at how emotional the small things made both of you.

“Looks like that dinner you were planning just turned into a full-blown baby shower!” The loud clap Pete’s hands made startled you. “Wow, it really will be a Baby shower!”

You watched as Pete laughed at his own pun, doing your best not to laugh along with him and encourage his bad jokes. The relationship you developed with Pete was a bit weird in the beginning, you weren’t the most open to the idea, and it’s not because you didn’t like Pete, it just felt like you were replacing Mikey.

It took a while before you could look at Pete and realize he wasn’t trying to replace Mikey’s role in your life, and that the drugs and paranoia had driven you to that conclusion. Pete was a great man, standing by Natalie’s side while she fought to keep you alive. Probably being more accepting than someone else may have been when he and Nat decided to help you. Pete and Natalie both put aside their own lives to help you get better, and get back on your feet, and while part of you wished Mikey was around to ground you as well, Pete’s love and kindness didn’t deserve to be taken for granted.

“That dinner was supposed to be a surprise for you too Peter,” you shot him a tiny glare before reaching for some bread. “I just wanted you both to have a nice night off together, no stress.” The reservation had already been made, but thinking about Pete’s words and the excitement when explaining most everyone knew about the pregnancy, maybe it would have been best for an intimate shower for the two soon-to-be parents.

Pete was definitely a family guy and Natalie came from a big family, maybe a shower would be for the best. Surround them with people who loved and supported them and just allow everyone to bask in the happiness the joyous news brought, you were sure everyone could use a break.

“Okay hypothetically say I put together a small shower for the two of you, is that even something Nat would want?” Sure you knew Nat but Pete was her husband and this was their moment, you didn’t want to ambush her with a party she never wanted.

You watched Pete bristle a little, a nervous smile raised to his lips, “I uh I’m not sure if Nat ever told you but she kinda had this…this whole dream about the two of you,” you frowned confused at what Pete was talking about.

“Well not like an unconscious sleeping dream, more like a-an idea?” Pete’s voice rose at the end of his sentence, not sure if the question in his tone was meant for you or him.

“Pete bud you lost me.” You gave him a small nod of encouragement awaiting his response.

“Um so…after your uh…loss,” a sad smile rose to Pete’s lips, you could see the apology in his eyes. “Nat she uh…she confided in me about how she always wanted to be the one to throw you a shower if you ever decided to have children. And if-when we had our own she’d want you to be in charge of hers…if you wanted to not like she would force you.” The nervous huff of laughter from Pete hung in the air for a minute.

The admission perplexed you, Nat had never brought this up to you directly and maybe it was because she felt like she couldn’t. You weren’t the most open when it came to the topic of your miscarriage always avoiding the conversation whenever Nat tried to breach it.

“Baby…you’re the closest thing Natalie has to a sister. I can promise she would be ecstatic no matter what decision you choose.”

You nodded, the motion happened unconsciously as you tried to take in everything Pete had laid on you. Of course, there were things Nat wouldn’t share with you, but while the two of you were like sisters you didn’t expect her to share every little detail with you. As you let Pete’s words digest you couldn’t help the warm feeling beginning to flood through your body, if you were being honest you weren’t sure if it was the best idea to be throwing anyone a baby shower, but you also knew Natalie deserved to be celebrated, not only for the life she and Pete were creating together, but also for all the work she was doing to ensure that The Bear had a fighting chance.

“Okay,” your head continued its up-and-down motion. “Yeah okay let’s do it but I’m going to need your help, Pete.” You watched the smile on his face increase tenfold, your own wide smile spreading your lips due to how contagious Pete’s joy was.

“Anything and I mean anything Baby, I am your guy.” Pete’s giddiness warmed you even more, you didn’t think you had ever been surrounded by anyone with such a positive attitude before. In the beginning, when Natalie and Pete first began dating, his electric personality was a bit much but you found yourself always trying to make Pete feel included, especially with how off-putting the rest of the Berzatto clan could be.

And when you were recovering it was almost like you had to re-acclimate yourself to Pete’s personality. Your recovery was hard, there were some days you weren’t even sure if you wanted to get better or if you wanted oxygen to continue filling your lungs. But Pete was so positive and always looking at life and your situation with a ‘glass half full’ mentality, that his constant belief in you helped to make the hard days easier.

A small sigh escaped your lips as you readied yourself for the question you were about to ask. “Pete, do you think you could give me Carmen’s number?” You tried not to roll your eyes as you saw Pete’s own light up, you were almost positive he would be telling Nat about this topic of conversation. “Before you get any ideas, I just need it to invite him to the shower.” You raised your hands in defense hoping Pete wouldn’t look into this any more than he already was.

“No can do B, the idea train has already left the station.” His fingers drummed on the table with excitement. “But I will do you one better,” you frowned as you watched Pete pick up his phone, fingers skating across the screen before he held it up to show you. A call to Carmen already going through as Pete sent you a thumbs-up.

You looked at the screen eyes wide, the shock temporarily paralyzed for a moment. The quiet sound of the ringing between the two of you brought you back. “Pete! Hang up the phone.” Your voice was terse as you spoke trying not to draw too much attention from other patrons.

Pete laughed, “He never answers my calls anyway.” Pete’s words irritated you, but you were glad to see the call go to voicemail before Pete pressed the end call button and set his phone down.

You let out a surprised laugh, Pete had definitely been too influenced by the Berzattos during his time with Natalie. The little stunt he just pulled was something you knew both Richie and Mikey would do if given the chance.

“Baby?” Your head raised eyes meeting Pete’s, “I know this may sound selfish, but I…I need you to figure out this thing between you and Carmen.” Your eyebrows furrowed the need to defend yourself hitting you full force, you opened your mouth to respond but stopped as Pete raised his hand, a signal to let him continue.

“I know Baby, I know. I’ll be honest with you, as much as I love Nat’s family I think you should’ve given up on Carmen a long time ago.” Your jaw fell slack, and Pete’s eyes widened a bit. “No, no just for your own wellbeing, your peace of mind.” You began nodding as Pete explained himself better. “I just, whatever is going on between you and Carmen, it’s affecting Nat. And she won’t tell you because you deserve to feel how you feel, but with the baby and the restaurant…she doesn’t need to play "Fix it Felix” with you and Carmen right now.”

You let out a small chuckle at Pete’s explanation, over the years he had begun expressing himself to you more. You being the only one on Natalie’s side who actually gave him the time of day and willfully listened to him, helped him to gain more confidence when around the rest of the Berzattos. You reached for your glass of water, taking a long sip before setting it down.

“Thank you, Pete, for being honest,” you sighed, finger playing with the condensation on your cup. “If I’m being honest, it's easy to forget that Nat’s in the middle of everything. She’s so good at pretending it doesn’t affect her.” A rueful smile rose to your lips, as great as a friend as Natalie had been to you through everything, you weren’t sure the same could be said for yourself. “You’re right, Carmen and I are adults, we should be able to figure this out ourselves. I’ll…I’ll call him, figure things out.” You sent Pete a small smile.

Recently it felt like Natalie and Pete nursed you back to health and then for some reason became your surrogate parents. You didn’t think there was anything wrong with leaning on them, the three of you did endure a traumatic experience together so it was understandable. But maybe you had become too comfortable and relied on them too much to ‘fix’ your life. You could understand where Pete was coming from and he had every right to put his wife’s well-being before the feelings of his friends.

You knew Natalie and Pete would be amazing parents and of course, Nat’s fears were valid. But you had seen firsthand just how loving, caring, and kind the couple was, and while that wasn’t all that went into raising a child it was like a part of you just knew that their child would be in great hands.

“Enough about my poor life choices Pete, have you guys thought of any names?” The timing of the question couldn’t have been more perfect, Pete perked up at the question, eyes glazing over with excitement. A waiter stopped by your table to deliver your entrees as Pete began animatedly explaining his and Nat’s process for picking names.

A part of you ached at how happy Pete was, if things were different, maybe in another life you would’ve been able to see that excitement on another man’s face. Maybe the two of you would’ve come up with your own system for picking out names.

You listened as lunch continued, no matter how many times the thought had crossed your mind, you would always be grateful that Natalie had found a partner to love her in the ways she deserved.

It was silent between you and Cortez as you made your second lap around the block, the church in the distance behind you. Your hands were preoccupied with a warm disposable cup of hot cocoa as Cortez gingerly sipped his choice of tea. This had become the routine for your meetings with your sponsor, the two of you would meet at the bodega a little ways away from the church that housed both AA and NA meetings. Then continue your meeting with a few circles around the block before ending at the church stairs when all was said and done.

The air was tense between the two of you, Cortez hadn’t taken kindly to your decision to skip out on the few check-ins that you had asked for. In the beginning, you were in constant contact with Cortez, feeling the match between the two of you out. As you progressed through recovery and got back into the routine of daily life the daily talks between the two of you began to dwindle as you settled into life as a recovering addict.

But after that initial meeting at The Beef, being in Carmen’s presence again, surrounding yourself with Richie and the life you once knew, the meetings with Cortez picked back up in frequency. And you were doing fine for some time, the man meeting with you when you needed it, always willing to speak with you whenever you asked and it was helpful, god was it helpful. But then you made it to step nine, step eight in the recovery program was its own monster that Cortez helped you through especially when it came to who didn’t need to be on your list.

You made the decision to text Cortez after admitting your faults to Richie. As great as it felt to finally be open with Richie and let him into your life, it also brought with it the urge to use again. Richie had been kind enough to take the bottle of champagne off your hands that night, but the desire to call Fak and ask if Theo had anything he could spare almost won out. But as you scrolled through your contacts the red icon hovering over the voicemail tab brought you back to your senses.

“So your friend Richie knows?” Your eyes shot to Cortez taking in his side profile before focusing back on their attention focused on the steaming paper cup of coffee gripped in their hands.

“Yeah, his daughter kind of spilled the beans.” You nodded playing with the frayed edges of your jeans.

“That’s a bit fucked up don’t cha think?” Cortez’s brows furrowed. “I mean how does his little girl know but he don’t that’s gotta hurt.”

You rolled your eyes, “Aren’t you supposed to like not be judgmental?” Cortez’s laugh felt like it was grating on your ears, as good a sponsor as he was, he had the personality of an annoying older brother you were happy not to have.

“It ain’t even judgment though, it’s an observation.” You didn’t have to be looking at him to know that annoying smirk was on his lips as he shrugged his shoulders.

You stopped as Cortez dropped his now empty cup in a trash bin on the street, “Didn’t know you received your inspector gadget certification.”

“That smart ass mouth is bouta be the reason you out here looking for a new sponsor,” you let out a cackle before taking a much-needed sip of your hot cocoa. “Sound like my daughter with that dumb shit.” If you didn’t know the man who was walking by your side, you would’ve thought he was actually upset, but you could tell by the uptick of his lips he didn’t take anything to heart.

The two of you rounded the corner coming up on the church. You watched as Cortez plopped his long limbs down on one of the steps, opting to sit on the railing. Cortez took out his pack of cigarettes bringing the box to his mouth and removing one before offering the box in your direction. You slipped one out a small laugh escaped you at the irony of everything, how you had once been so against the cancer sticks that those around you would make sure not to smoke around you. And then instead of indulging in a nicotine addiction, you turned to alcohol and prescription pills, the fact that you would smoke a cigarette here and there to appease your urges now felt a bit comical.

You leaned forward allowing Cortez to light your cigarette, “Man ain’t nothin’ like smoking on Big G’s doorstep.” Cortez’s voice filled the silence that had settled over the two of you, you took a drag of the cigarette, a small chuckle escaping you with the smoke.

“I used to hate these fucking things.” The disgust on your face was obvious even as the stick hung from your mouth.

“Why you take one every time I offer 'em’ then?” Cortez switched positions leaning his elbows on the step behind him as he stretched his long limbs out in front of them, offering a wave to the few people entering the church for whatever meeting was scheduled to take place.

You shrugged eyes falling to Cortez’s beat-up boots as you sucked the nicotine deep into your lungs, “They’re the same brand Mikey smoked.”

“Damn ma, that shits kinda sad.” The two of you locked eyes before small laughs left the both of you. You had been around Cortez for so long that you’d picked up on his need to turn most anything into a joke. And while in the beginning, it pissed you off, you realized that’s just who he was and that sometimes being able to laugh in serious moments or at your trauma was helpful.

“Nah seriously though better smokin’ these than messin’ with that shit that hooked you in the first place. Know what I mean?” You nodded, finishing off the cigarette in your hand before taking the second cigarette Cortez offered. You knew how these things went and had spent so much time with the man that you learned to read him. Cortez only ever smoked two cigarettes and offered you two if the conversation was gonna be a rough one.

“Where you at with them apologies?” You sighed letting the man light your cigarette one more time, allowing the fumes to warm your lungs.

You dropped from your seat on the railing, your backside had gone numb. You settled yourself to lean against the railing “I mean I told Richie the truth and there were a lot of apologies in that conversation. But I feel like he deserves a better apology.” You shrugged, your attention dropping to Cortez as he listened.

“Ima be honest wit chu, this might be the hardest part of recovery. Shit I know it was f’me admittin’ to my little girl her father was a fuckin’ junkie. But at the end of the day, you gotta remember this recovery shit is for you. If homeboy loves you like a sister like you say he does, all that should matter to him is that yo annoyin’ ass still here. A’ight, ma?” You listened, nodding along to his words. “All you can do is apologize for the shit you did, you can’t control whether people forgive you or not, and remember ain’t nobody gotta fuck with your apology if they don’t want to.”

You let Cortez’s words settle into you, to anyone else his words may not have seemed genuine but this is just who Cortez was. And you knew no matter how nonchalant he sounded he was speaking every word from his heart.

“You still fuckin with that lil dumbass boy?” The question caused you to choke on the last bit of cocoa in your cup.

“We had a falling out, he’s one of the people I have to apologize to though.” The cigarette between your fingers continued to burn. “There’s a lot I still haven’t told him…the substance abuse, the reasons behind my overdose.” An exhausted sigh pushed its way through your lips. It was like one thing after another when it came to you and Carmy.

“Listen I know we ain’t sposed to have like personal relationships and shit, but lemme know what homeboy looks like I’ll get my goons on em’ for you.” Your head fell back in laughter as Cortez raised his fist to under both of his eyes.

“No goons Cortez, please. Wait, have you ever actually put a hit on somebody before?” You obviously didn’t know Cortez as well as you would have if the two of you were friends. But it wasn’t hard to tell that he would get down if need be.

“Why someone say somethin’?” The two of you shared a laugh, the now more frequent people entering the church signifying that your time together was coming to an end.

“Aight, I gotta head in, get shit set up in there. But ima send you the info for Nar-Anon you give that shit to people who still choose to put up with yo ass. You comin' in?”

You shook your head sending him a small smile, “I came to the morning meetings today.”

You nodded in thanks as Cortez stood up, pushing yourself off the railing. You placed the cigarette between your lips leaving your hands open to do the handshake Cortez insisted you did after each meeting. When he first introduced it you were still getting used to the idea of being a recovering addict and thought he was fucking crazy. But you realized he used it as a way to break the serious desolate feeling that some of these meetings ended on, to help bring some light to what was such a dark reality.

At least that’s how he explained it to you, but you were sure he just liked doing the handshake his daughter helped him come up with.

“Ima see you when I see you ma stay straight.” You chuckled before turning on your heel to head to your parked car. Putting the bud of the cigarette out against the trash bin you passed. It was still early, enough time for you to knock out some baby shower shopping before it got too late.

Carmen stopped in his tracks, eyes finding your figure across the street. You were in front of the church that held the Al-Anon meetings he told you about. Maybe you would be attending the one he was here for, his eyes traveled to the man sitting on the steps you were talking to eyebrows furrowing as he realized the vapors leaving your mouth weren’t from your warm temperature, but instead the stick you had raised to your mouth.

“Baby?” The question left his lips in a quiet whisper, he knew it was you standing across the street but it had been a few weeks since your last interaction he was sure he had imagined you. But he would know you anywhere, by scent alone. He couldn’t help the shock at watching you smoke, something you had been so opposed to since the two of you were children. Even going so far as telling Carmy you couldn’t be friends when he smoked his first cigarette at 15, the stalemate barely lasted a day after you realized how dumb the idea was.

Carmy watched as the two of you stood up, his hopes to see you inside dwindling as he watched the two of you begin to part ways, an intricate handshake taking place before you turned to leave. He watched as your figure disappeared around the corner, a quiet ‘shit’ leaving his lips before he darted across the street trying to catch you before you were gone for good.

“Baby! Hey!” His shouts were useless, you were too far gone to have even heard him. “Fuck!” One hand raised to sit on the bill of his cap, the universe seemed like it was doing everything in its power to keep the two of you apart. Or maybe it was just the way things were meant to be.

Carmy turned to see the man you were with still standing in the same spot you left him, eyes narrowed as he took in Carmy’s figure. The man eyed Carmy for a moment longer, sending a head nod his way before turning and entering the church. Carmy was tempted to follow the man and ask about you, but whatever your relationship with the unknown man was, it was none of Carmy’s business.

He sighed eyes shooting up to the sky before taking a deep breath and making his way inside, not wanting to be late and disturb the Al-Anon meeting before it began. Carmy made his way to the room where the meeting usually took place, eyes landing on the same man from outside once more as he greeted members, the sign near the door he stood by signifying it was an NA meeting. Carmy stopped for a moment, eyes darting between the man and the sign he’d just read.

“You lost kid?” Carmy looked at the man brown furrowed as he shook his head, he sent a tight smile the man's way before walking two doors down for his own meeting. Carmen’s brain felt like it was racing a mile a minute. If you weren’t coming to the Al-Anon meeting, why were you here? And why were you talking with someone who appeared to be leading NA meetings?

The vibrating of his phone caught his attention, the device easily slipped out of his pocket. He felt the air leave his lungs as your name flashed across his screen, he realized just how indecent setting that Polaroid picture of you with his chain on might have been now that he was in public, but it’s not like he ever thought you’d call him.

How’d you even get his number?

“Carmen, hey, we’re about to start your coming?” His head shot up to one of the usual who attended these meetings and would talk to him on occasion.

“Yeah uh, just give me a minute.” Carmy gave a tight smile, eyes flashing back to his phone finger moving to swipe across the screen, the call abruptly ending before he even got the chance to hear your voice. Carmen was sure he had the worst luck in the world, a defeated sigh leaving him, he was almost positive there was no chance you were calling him back.

Quickly putting his phone on Do Not Disturb and in the safety of his jacket pocket, he entered the meeting, as much as he wanted to drop everything and fix things with you. He wasn’t even sure what you had called him for. Carmen also knew it was for the best to attend the meeting,

Carmen was sitting in his car allowing it to warm up as he waited. The skyline began to reflect the sunset, the time on the dashboard letting him know it was around dinner time. He fished his phone out of his pocket mindlessly checking the notifications he’d gotten while in the meeting.

Carmy’s brows furrowed at the flurry of messages he received from a group chat he wasn’t aware he was a part of. He frowned as he opened it, your contact is one of the many in the text chain. The only contact with a photo was yours, making you easily distinguishable, he realized the rest of the people in the chat were the restaurant crew. He scrolled through the messages eyes reading over your message with details about a baby shower, your address included.

Carmy exited out of his messages, unsure of how things were between the two of you. It had been three weeks since the argument and neither of you had tried contacting the other. But here he was with a message from you, and a missed call and he wasn’t sure how to take any of it.

He decided it was a good idea to call you back, and try and feel out the atmosphere between the two of you. His heart felt like it was stuttering in his chest as his finger hovered over his screen; you left him a voicemail. He needed to know what the message said, but a part of him was also worried he might not like what he heard, he had hurt you too many times to count, and if whatever you had to say to him broke him down more than he already was, well then he was sure he deserved it.

Carmen took one last deep breath before clicking on the voicemail and raising the phone to his ear, heart pounding in his chest as he heard the sweet whisper of your voice.

‘Hey Carmen, uh it’s me…Baby. Not sure why I introduced myself. I'm sure you know it’s me.” Carmy let out a watery chuckle at the sound of your voice, even if he hadn't saved your number the delicate timber of your voice would’ve been enough for him.

“Listen uh, I got your number for Pete. I hope you don’t mind, I know you have issues with girls actually having your number…Sorry, that was actually kind of rude. Anyway, I uh…Pete helped put things in perspective for me and I, I think we need to talk Carmen. I’m not sure when or if you even want that, but I think we both deserve a chance to explain our side of things. I um…I also have some things I think you should know. Just, if this is something you’re interested in, you have my number.” Carmen felt his heart rate slow down your words, nothing more than a piece offering.

“I just want to be clear though, um..if I don’t hear back from you, I’m going to take that as a sign. So yeah, call me back or something I guess.” The line finally went silent, your voice no longer caressing Carmy’s ears.

It felt like he was having heart palpitations but he knew it was just his nerves getting the best of him. He pulled the phone away from his ear, the time on his phone reading 5:30 p.m. Carmy quickly opened the group chat scrolling through to find your address and open it up in maps. You lived about 30 minutes from where he was, he was confident he could get there in 20 and spare the 10 minutes at a store near you.

Carmen made his decision as he set his phone down in the cup holder before beginning his journey. The ball was in his court, you had given him an olive branch and it was up to him whether he accepted it or not. He was nervous, maybe showing up at your house to cook you dinner wasn’t his most thought-out plan but he needed you desperately, needed to see you, be in your presence, and know that there was still a chance of something more between the two of you.

The hope Carmy felt when he saw you calling him earlier was now back tenfold: the pendant delicately resting against his chest felt warm. Carmen was adamant that he would admit his love for you tonight, unsure if he could go another day living with the fact that you were in love with him, but you still didn’t know just how much he had always loved you. You were so blissfully unaware that since he could remember, you had been the one and only option in his mind.

a/n: wowza, long time no see. i apologize that this is a bit of a filler chapter but it felt kinda necessary idk. anway please let me know if there are any problems with this chapter it's barely edited. enjoy : )

also also: both richard cabral as coco in mayans and manny montana as rio in good girls inspired cortez the sponsor, but head canon him as whoever you want…okay bye now 🤍

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy x reader #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto angst #carmen berzatto x you #the bear x reader #the bear fic #all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

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moonjxsung · 6 months

Note

hello dear starlightt

aa your fwb chan drabbles have been stuck in my head and im thinking of roommate fwb! channie? personally im an ot8 but i have a big soft spot for channie omg 😭😭

im thinking roommate fwb! channie who has the biggest crush on you but once you start having a casual physical relationship he starts thinking you only want him for the sex and as a friend

roommate fwb! channie who used to listen to you fingering yourself late at night after coming back stressed from work through the thin walls

roommate fwb! channie who would comfort and cuddle you when youre upset and have weekly movie nights, slowly rubbing circles on your stomach and holding tight at your waist as you sit in between his legs right about to fall asleep

roommate fwb! channie who would slowly grow hard as you accidentally rub your ass up against him trying to get comfortable and he slowly starts rutting against you desperately which then turns into heated makeout sessions with him continuously mumbling about fucking his babies into you, cursing that youre taking him so well, your pussy feels so perfect

roommate fwb! channie who presses against you so deep you can feel his tip harshly kissing your cervix and you feel so 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭.

slow wet sloppy kisses in his car after an innocent late night drive he suggested for fun

hands traveling up your shirt and reaching your tits, and as he grabs a handful you moan into his ear and only grind onto him harder, him wincing in pleasure

channie would almost never let himself cum before you do at LEAST two times, and he loves teasing you in foreplay as he fingers you open and tastes you on his mouth before pushing himself in

would never want those night to end, and he would 100% send those "u up?" text at like 2 am

would wash you up and give you the most sweetest aftercare, stroking your hair and humming a little lullaby as he cuddles you to sleep

would sometimes have you cockwarm him as you sleep, so the next morning you would wake up to the feeling of him pushing slowly in and out of you, giving you the most blissful moments of pleasure as soon as you open your eyes

channie would just be there on top of you thrusting at a steady pace, holding back his moans and whimpers to not wake you up, sweat dripping down and decorating his face and shoulders as the morning sun hits and covers his gorgeous body, his abs on full display

when he sees that youre up, he would give the most sweetest "good morning angel" in his deep morning voice with the most innocent smile as hes still fucking you into the mattress

maybe you would come home drunk one day and confess your feelings for him, words jumbled in a bunch and youre so sure he doesnt like you in that sort of sense, so you offer to pack up and find a new place if it makes him uncomfortable, apologizing continuously

channie running up to hug you as you sob into his shoulder, him whispering sweet comforting words into your ear, as he bridal carries you to the bathroom to help you wash up and fucks all those negative thoughts out of you in your bed, telling you over and over again about how much he loves you

you two would wake up and youd be so embarrassed remembering everything from the night before, not even sure if it actually happened or your delusional brain is making everything up

until he confirms its all real by kissing your soft plump lips and whispering good morning and that he loves you, still half asleep

after that its just dates after dates and more experimenting in the bedroom as you expand your relationship even further

channie would come home from work with a bouquet of flowers that reminded him of you, blushing as he hands it to you

waltz dancing to music and laughing as you stumble over each other feet late at night, helping him write lyrics until early in the morning, cooking (and failing!) with each other, dancing and kissing in the rain when the weather crashes your date, cuddling each other as you fall asleep into each others arms.

aa he would just be so perfect <33

im sorry for ranting :(( 💖💖

as always, your beloved ☘ annonie

OH MY GOD????? FWB CHANNIE ENTHUSIASTS READ THIS LIKE RNNN 🏃‍♀️ I am screaming oh my god thank you for sharing this I need him so bad 😭 do not ever apologize for ranting in my inbox like this I literally love this sm your thoughts are always welcome here

#☘️ anon #ask #THIS IS INSANE #bang chan x reader #bang chan smut #bang chan #chan smut #bang chris #chan skz #Chan skz smut #stray kids #skz #skz smut #stray kids hard hours #skz scenarios

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feralforfruit · 2 years

Text

Countertop Whispers

A/N: I am writing this on a whim at 8am and I legit created this blog at 6am. I am unhinged and these hours are unholy. We are all here for the vibes and I decided to take matters into my own hands because I have an AA in English that I need to put to use. And this is going to be short btw. You fic writers always tease me like this so this is payback for sure. Xx

Warnings: if you don’t like sex with fruits, I suggest scrolling. NSFW, idek what else this is my first time doing this so please be kind.

Pairings: Tangerine x fem!reader

You hear the shaking of keys and the turning of the door knob of the front door. You pause your mixing, “Hey, my love! I’m in the kitchen!”

He sighs as he sets his keys down and hangs up his coat, releasing all the pressure of today’s hit job as he slumps down on the couch. Blood is sprinkled over his white button down. He rolls up his sleeves and unbuttons the top to reveal his shiny, sweat covered chest.

You look at him, tilting your head sympathetically. You tighten your apron and shake off the bit of powdered sugar you have on you. You grab a cup of iced water and walk over to the living room where your husband is practically meditating in silence. He notices you get closer and he opens his eyes with a glint of relief.

You sit next to him and hand him the cup. His mustache lifts ever so slightly as he sips on the refreshing drink. He pants after he gulps it down, placing the cup on the coffee table coaster. He looks at you lovingly. “Darling, you have no idea how good you look right now,” he says as he grabs your cheek and places a kiss on your temple.

“And you look like a mess but I believe you look sexiest like this,” you say to him while smirking sweetly as his breath hitches at the remark. “Making some cupcakes, wanna help me, handsome?”

“Too knackered to help, love, but I’ll definitely watch.” He says softly as he places another kiss but now below your ear. You giggle at the tickle of his mustache before you get up to continue with your sweetest of hobbies.

Tangerine takes his seat on one of the stools directly across from you on the kitchen island. He admires your dedication to perfecting your baking skills, and definitely has no complaints considering how delicious everything you make is. Usually, on every Friday night, he would always make time to watch you do your thing. He would chat with you about how your days went, what happened at work, how Lemon is doing, all while taste testing everything you gave him. Sometimes he offers to help you out when you needed an extra hand. But tonight, his mind is wandering into a place that makes him grateful that the countertop is covering his lower half.

He can’t get enough of you in that apron. It is wrapped so tightly around your curves that he wishes it were his hands instead. The sounds of your hums put him into a blissful state and it is so cute to watch you sway to the music in your head. The bit of flour on your nose makes him want to kiss it clean. You are used to him staring at you while you bake but right now his eyes are burning right into your hips.

He stays like this for awhile up until you finish mixing up some buttercream frosting. You sigh happily as you grab some with the tip of your index finger and bring it to your tongue. You suck on it for a moment and moan sweetly at the taste. Tangerine’s breath has grown heavy and the tightness in his trousers is becoming unbearable.

“Come to think of it, love, I reckon I would like to help out a bit.” Tangerine slowly walks around the island and stands behind you with his hands on his hips, still looking so dominant as he waits for your command. You squeal at his willingness, “Ahh, yes! Okay, here is the cutting board with some chocolate. Cut it into little pieces for me, will ya?” You peck his cheek and he blushes as he goes to wash his hands before grabbing the knife and dicing up the chocolate.

He is not exactly sure how small you want it cut so he pauses and asks, “This to your liking, love?” You look over to him and say, “Oh honey, I’m sorry, let me show you how it needs to be.” You grab the knife from his hand and slide in front of him, your ass brushing against him as you position yourself to where he was.

He hisses quietly at the contact then bites his lip. He thoughts run wild so he gets an idea and takes this chance to grab your waist from behind and rest his head above your right shoulder to look over it. Internally, you’re swooning at the position, feeling your heart skip a beat. You try your best to focus on slicing the chocolate while his thumbs rubs circles into your back, and you’re struggling not to moan at the sensation.

Tangerine moves his lips to the side of your ear and whispers, “Oh I see how it’s done. You do that so good, baby.” You shiver in response to his praise. “My girl is so good with knives, ain’t that right?” He pecks softly at your neck and you can’t help but stop your movements from your legs beginning to weaken at his words.

“Love, why’d you stop? Don’t you want to finish what you started?” he says as you whine, arching your neck back to be exposed to his affection. His lips continue moving on to the sweet spot below your ear as he starts to lift his left hand from your waist, to your beating chest, moving on to your neck, gripping it ever so slightly.

“I’m fucking starving, and you’re going to be my dessert, darling.”

—

part 2 is up!

#tangerine #tangerine fic #tangerine x reader #bullet train #aaron taylor johnson #atj #atj x reader #aaron taylor johnson x reader #tangerine fanfic #tangerine smut #bullet train smut #bullet train fic #my writing #tangerine x fem!reader #bullet train imagine #lemon and tangerine #bullet train x reader #tangerine imagine #tangerine bullet train

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midmourn · 4 months

Text

play the part

PAIRING Lee Donghyuck/Haechan/GN!Reader/Na Jaemin

SUMMARY Haechan’s your boyfriend, but Jaemin’s your best friend. How could he ever compete?

GENRE Angst

CONTENTS Brief mentions of (almost) vomiting, I think the phrase is called emotional cheating, alcohol use, surprise sad ending

WORDS 1,428

LISTENING TO that way by tate mcrae, traitor by olivia rodrigo, high infidelity by taylor swift

NOTE im not writing a part two so please don’t ask, thank you <3 i found this in my google docs so i tweaked it just a tiny bit and i couldn’t find it on my old blog so idk if i ever posted it or not

When Mark finds Haechan, the younger boy is still nursing the drink that he had received from Jaehyun when they first stepped inside the party. “Woah,” he tries to joke, already knowing how his best friend was feeling, “Still drinking that drink? You’d usually be in your fifth one by now. Finally decided to take AA seriously?”

Haechan doesn’t laugh, and Mark’s smile fades, sighing as his shoulders slump. Mark downs the rest of his own drink before setting it aside, not wanting it anymore. Haechan doesn’t look up when Mark sits beside him on the railing of the balcony, “You know, it’s probably not safe for us to be this close to the edge while drinking,” Mark gestures to the ground beneath them.

“I feel like death would be better than life right now,” Haechan murmurs, and even those the words could be taken as a joke, both of them know it’s not. And Mark has a pretty good idea on why that is. Mark follows to where Haechan’s gaze is, finding a group of people sitting around the pool in Jaehyun’s backyard, but Haechan’s eyes were only on two people— a familiar head full of of black and a familiar face.

Jaemin’s arm was thrown around your shoulders, the back of his head facing Mark and Haechan but your face was clear for Haechan to see. The grin on your face was so bright that even Mark’s eyes hurt. He wasn’t close enough to be able to see, but if he was, he was sure that he would’ve been able to see the stars decorating your eyes. Mark remembers when you and Haechan first met, the younger would not shut up about you. Mark knows things about you that he shouldn’t, and that’s because of him.

“They’re just friends,” Mark says, swallowing the lump in his throat for he can’t swallow the empathy swelling up inside of him— knowing exactly how his best friend feels. “You’re their boyfriend.”

“I have the title,” Haechan sighs, tilting his head up to drag his eyes away from the two of you. His glistening eyes stare up at the dark sky, clouds decorating the sky and moving to cover the moon. “But he has their heart.”

“If they had feelings for him, they would break up with you, Hyuck,” Mark tries to reassure him, but even Mark doesn’t believe his own words. He wishes he could help more.

“Not if they knew I’d be heartbroken by it,” Haechan swallows the rest of his drink down, welcoming the burning taste. It couldn’t beat the burning in his heart, though.

“Either way, you’re heartbroken,” Mark argues, shaking his head as he turns to face Haechan. “But if you were over, at least you’d be free to move on.”

Haechan doesn’t respond for a moment, only rolling his shoulders as he looks back down at the group of people again. He licks his lips before saying, “I have the title. That’s enough, right?” When Mark doesn’t respond, he exhales through his nose sharply, “I’m their boyfriend. I love them. That should be enough.”

There’s a painful silence before Mark speaks with an underlying tone of hurt, “Sometimes, it isn’t enough.” He’s starting to wish he had another drink. “Hyuck, you’re going to have to do it if they won’t.”

“Guess I’ll just have to play the part, then,” Haechan says suddenly, pushing himself off the railing and onto the balcony floor.

“What part?” Mark asks, eyebrows furrowing as he turns to him.

“Acting like I’m really stupid,” Haechan smiles, but it’s an empty smile. Mark’s not familiar with it— and he hates it. “And that I have no idea that they’re falling in love with their best friend.”

“How was your day?” Haechan asks, his phone laying on his bed with the speaker on. He’s drying his hair with the t-shirt he had on before he took a shower, staring into his mirror in front of his bed. “Have fun?”

“All I did was sleep and play Among Us with Jisung so,” you giggle and his heart swells at the sound, a smile forming on his lips. “Yeah, I did have fun.”

“So you’ll play Among Us with Jisung but not me?” He snarks, throwing his shirt into his dirty clothes hamper but you know he’s joking— he’s always joking like that. “Maybe you should date him instead.”

You giggle again, “Jisung is too young—”

“It’s barely two years,” he sits down on his bed, grabbing his phone to go through his photo gallery, almost every single one being of you. “I’ll even tell him for you, that way if you get rejected—” A small smile is on his lips as he stares down at a picture of you and him, visiting your shared lock at the Love Lock of Namsan Tower.

“Hey!”

“— You don’t have to witness it and ugly cry.”

“In this hypothetical situation, even if he said he liked me back, you’d still tell me he rejected me, wouldn’t you?”

Haechan laughs from surprise, sometimes forgetting just how much you know him, “And you’re right, for once. I’d then tell him the text was for someone else to humble him.”

Your laughter is loud and unapologetic, just how he likes it. “Oh, you are so—” You cut yourself off and it’s silent from your side before you start giggling, “Stop it.” His eyebrows furrow, head tilting as he pauses in his scrolling. What had he done? “No! Don’t be like that and don’t you dare—” You start giggling loudly again, shrieking for whoever to stop what they were doing. If you weren’t laughing, he’d have been concerned.

Haechan says your name once but when it’s not heard over your laughter, he frowns and goes back to the call, seeing that he’s not on mute. He says your name again and when no reply, he goes to say your name once more but a familiar voice stops him. His body freezes as his blood goes cold, staring down at his floor when he recognizes the voice.

No one has a voice like Na Jaemin does. And even if there was, he’d recognize that voice anywhere.

It’s when even after you stop laughing, and you talk to Jaemin like Haechan still isn’t on the phone with you, is when his heart finally drops like an anchor to the bottom of his stomach. You forgot.

They forgot, they forgot, they forgot, his mind chants back at him.

Haechan doesn’t register when your voice first cuts off, only looking down when he realizes and seeing that the call ended. He doesn’t remember if he ended it or if you remembered and did it yourself. Either way, his heart still hurts. Tears stream down his face as sobs rip out of his chest, with loud, violent sounds. His chest hurts, too. His chest is tightening, and coughs start to cough, each cough getting more violent than the next. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the harsh crying or—

He turns to find a water bottle for him to drink but his vision is blurry from crying and the coughing won’t stop, no matter how much he tries to breathe and calm himself down. The crying doesn’t stop, either. He has a feeling he’s about to throw up and pushes himself off his bed, stumbling to his bathroom with his hands on the walls and door frame so he won’t fall.

It doesn’t work, and he falls on his knees anyway. In only a matter of a few minutes, he’s soaked to the bone and his shirt is wet— his previously dry hair is clinging to his forehead and neck. Bile— he thinks— crawls up his throat and he throws himself to where he knows the toilet is, clinging onto the bathroom sink as it comes up and into the toilet.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been when he finally comes around, dried tear streaks on his cheeks and his vision is no longer blurry. His breathing is still heavy, but it’s slow and ragged. He’s not coughing or crying anymore. He can’t help but look in the toilet, not even knowing if he really threw up or if it was just his imagination. His breath catches in his throat, the sight of a familiar singular flower floating in the otherwise empty toilet. A light pink Orchid, your favorite flowers. He knows because he gave them to you on your first date.

Haechan isn’t stupid— and the flower only confirms his thoughts.

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