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lovingbradshawafterdark · 2 years

Text

Forever devoted

Hangman x fem!reader

Summary: you and hangman’s secret marriage becomes strained until you finally let out your frustrations

Warnings: smut 18+ minors DNI or I will block you, unprotected sex (be safe y’all)

Word count: 1,317

A/n: alright my smut game is slightly so I hope you enjoy plus I didn’t quite know what to do with this nonnie who requested! I also never know how to end a fic lol (requests always open)

Jake just watched as you happily laughed alongside rooster, it made him fine seeing you talking to another man and stormed towards you.

“What’d he say next?”, rooster laughed, you were about to answer before Jake rudely interrupted.

“What do you think you’re doing quickstep?”, Jake growled as Rooster rolled his eyes.

“Hangman we were just talking”, you explained yet you saw him clenching his fist.

“Outside now…”, he hissed before pointing at the door, you just gave him a pleading look as he angrily pointed again.

“See ya around roost”, you said hopping off the bar stool, he looked down at you sadly as you walked defeated, Jake not far behind you.

When you both managed to get outside the shed deck making sure no one would be able to hear you he immediately exploded.

“What the hell was that?”, he halted at you as you rolled your eyes

“We were just talking…we didn’t do anything”, you murmured as he just continued to fume.

“Do I need to remind you we are married?”, he walked even closer.

“I’m not planning on getting with any other guys Jake I was just talking with him that’s it”.

Jake still looked at you angrily, he didn’t want to cause a complete scene but you did want to remind him you are his girl.

“I know..”, you said softly looking down.

“Good”, he smiled again before turning back towards the hard deck.

“Do you know how hard it is?”, you asked, Jake tensed up, his shoulders clearly showing it, “having to tell people I’m off the market because you don’t want me mentioning we are married”

Jake turned back towards you, his eyes showing a sense of sorrow.

“Listen…I know it’s hard-“

“No you don’t Jake you have no idea!”, you yelled as he had a sudden fear of someone overhearing what was happening, “guys jump at the chance to talk and flirt with me no matter how much I say I’m taken”, you hissed out at him making him flinch

“I’m sorry…if it really upsets you can make it public”, he whispered, his voice suddenly very soft and kind.

“We eloped Jake…if my dad finds out we are in fact married even though he turned your blessing we are both screwed!”, you were frustrated at him and he knew it, it was hard on the both of you, “my dad would be pissed I’m sure he’d find a way to have you killed on the spot…”

“Okay listen honey I need you to quiet down”, he looked over noticing Rooster walking out of the hard deck looking around.

“What you scared about people hearing about our lovers quarrel?”, you asked sarcastically as Jake quickly grabbed your hand and hid you behind a car as he watched rooster look around before going back inside.

“Alright we’re safe now-“, he was cut off as you kissed him, he jumped yet he also began to lean into it. He laid his hands on your waist as he fully gave in. You heard let out a growl as you pulled away.

“Been awhile since we’ve done that huh?”, you teased as he pulled you back against his lips, clearly he’d been desperate yet pulled away.

“I’ve neglected you…let me fix that please”, he caressed your cheek, your body craved his touch even more as you nodded. He quickly grabbed you and ran towards the hard deck again, he quickly noticed a door that led to a small storage room. He got frustrated trying to pick the lock before just fully breaking it and watching the door open. You just giggled as he pulled you in, the only light being a small lamp.

“Jake seresin…always the man to get down and dirty no matter the place”, you giggled before he placed on a small dresser.

“I need you….I really need you”, he whined, hangman rarely whined he was too prideful for that.

“Then what are you waiting for?”, and with that he quickly pulled your skirt down as well as your underwear, “is someone actually going to eat me out this time?”

“I’ve been a bit too much of an ass and I wanna fix that”, he then did small kisses up your thigh, your breath hitching as he would get closer and closer towards your slit. It was aggravating and you whispered at him making him chuckle, the vibration against your core wonderfully pleasurable.

“Jake please…”you whimper again and you saw that damn look in his eyes, that look where he was still going to make you beg even if this was all for you. He still gave you that damn smug look before you finally yelled out, “just eat me out already!”, you yelled as he chuckled.

“Careful sweetheart we don’t know if they can hear us”, you couldn’t say anything as immediately after he licked a long strip along your folds making you moan. Him continuing to chuckle wasn’t helping as your thighs clamped around his head harshly to the point he had to hold them down as you whimper and whined before nearly s seeming as his sucked on your clit, your hands going towards his hair making him groan. His tongue was delightful as it ravaged your pussy. He barely came up to breath and you felt that familiar knot in your stomach about to snap yet he just stopped, making you tug on his hair leaving him just to laughing.

“Sorry but I’m getting impatient”, he grunted standing up, you saw him unbuckling his pants, your mouth went dry as he pulled out his erect cock, you wanted it in your mouth but you couldn’t do much with out people hearing your. He teased around your entrance, using your juices as lube, his eyes full of lust. He was soon tired of the teasing before fully sinking inside you. His face was delightful…divine even, his eyes already fluttering as his brow furrowed.

“Jake….”, you moaned biting your lip as he was getting accustomed to your walls once again, he thrusted harshly making you yelp but then moan as let out a soft moan as well.

“God you’re beautiful”, you knew when hangman was being serious when his voice was low and gentle, he began an even pace, your arms went yours his neck as the dresser under you began to rock due to how hard he was fucking you, “you still got the ring baby?”

“Of course I do…”, you stammered out as you showed him the ring he had picked out, it was placed delicately on your ring finger and that just sent him, he was suddenly filled with new vigor as he started fucking you even harder now and that knot in your stomach soon snapped and suddenly your walls clenched around him making him moan and hiss as he continued.

“God…”, his voice was broken as he finally came, you felt him completely fill you. He stayed inside for awhile, never wanting to leave. He however saw you whining uncomfortably before finally pulling out, his cum still dripping out of you. You both just panted for a moment before he helped you off the dresser and handed you your skirt and underwear.

“Well then….I guess that’s that then”, you whispered as he just nodded.

“I’m sorry….I should’ve done something sooner…”, you could hear a sudden surge of butterflies as you went up to him and kissed him on the cheek.

“Don’t worry…I’m still you’re girl”, you said with a smile putting your skirt and panties back on. He just smiled watching you even as you exited quietly out the door. You just sighed before being startled as rooster rounded the corner.

“Was looking for you he seemed pissed”, rooster smiled as you just laughed.

“Trust me he’s a nice guy if you get to know him…”, you joked as rooster looked at you confused looking down at your hand.

“Where did that ring come from?”

#hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin #top gun hangman #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun x reader

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lxmine · 2 years

Note

hihi! If u write for xiao maybe h could do a reader who like sort or absorbs his karmic debt if that makes any sense? Idk but gn reader is fine! sorry if this doesn’t make sense lol

selfish. + xiao x gn!reader

+. Fluff (with a small small angst), short, not proofread

+. Summary ; he wants to be selfish for a little while

+. A/N Yes, of course! And thank you nonny for being my first requester! Might not be accurate and short cuz i haven’t posted for a long while cuz of school and tonight is the time I got for myself so have this! Ily sm! Happy 13 followers to me! I’m really really thankful for you all <3

You smiled as you looked at Xiao who approached you, he looked tired and restless. The moonlight being the only source of light you have but he still looked beautiful as ever in your eyes. “Didn’t I tell you to not wait for me anymore?” He asks as he stopped beside you.

You sighed as you looked at the distance between you and him. It’s been a week since declared your love for him and it’s also been a week since the two of you talked about his karmic dept.

You took a step closer to him, and he grumbled. “Mortals are so stubborn.” He muttered under his breath but you clearly heard of course. “Go to bed, I’ll guard you.” He says taking a step back distancing himself, afraid that he might hurt you with his karmic dept, though you have reassured him many times already that it doesn’t affect you, and also because he’s got blood stains all over him.

He wouldn’t want you dirty now, would he?

“Stop that, it wont hurt me, okay!” You pouted coming closer to him, grabbing his gloved hand into yours. You felt him shake a little as you took his glove off. “[name], go to bed.” He says sternly. He’s glad that it’s dark or you would’ve seen his blushing face.

Intertwining your hands together before looking at him. “Do you feel at least a little better?” You asked, but received no answer. He doesn’t know what to do. Why do you care for him? Why do you love him? Why do you insist on staying up and waiting for him every single night?

Why do you put in so much effort to cook his favorite dish even if you didn’t like cooking? Why are you so willing to understand him? Is he really worth all of it? Does he even deserve it? Does even a beast deserved to be loved?

A million more questions ran in his head, he almost wanted to cry. “Xiao. Xiao are you alright?” Your voice reached his ears and he’s quickly brought back to his senses. The warmth of your hand indeed soothed him.

“Why are you doing this?” He said, almost like a whisper. You responded with a chuckle “Because I love you and I want to help you.” You looked at him with the sweet smile you always give him. “So please.. Don’t push me away, not like I’m ever gonna stop bothering you anyway.” You jokingly said caressing the back of his hand.

He bit the inside of his cheek, urging to not say a word. “Hold me.” He says looking elsewhere, he almost wanted to vanish right after he said that. He wished Morax would appear in front of him and then kill him right there on the spot. But alas, he’ll just make sure to punish his poor little heart later.

You’re heart leaped hearing the words from him and didn’t waste a second to wrap your arms around his waist. He’s surprised of course, but soon gave in to the peace your touch gives him. Just for tonight, he wants to be selfish.

Sorry for the long wait guys T-T I was busy with school and I re wrote this at 10 pm LMAO ANYWAY IM VERY THANKFUL FOR U GUYS I REALLY APPRECIATE THE LIKES YOU GUYS GAVE ME! Stay safe and hydrated, I LOVE YOU <3

MASTERLIST

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #genshin impact xiao #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #xiao x you #genshin x reader #alatus #xiao fluff

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the-iceni-bitch · 3 years

Note

For ur wheelie thing (lol I forgot the name)

Kinks: accidental stimulation & exhibitionism

Character: Steve Rogers

Prompt: “I need it”/so ask nicely”

Luv all ur writing!

Oh my god nonnie!! Lemme tell you I squealed a little bit when I got this one. This is gonna be good boy Avengers Steve because I love the idea of domming that virgin.

Again, this is smut, so no minors!!!

Steve thought he was going to die.

The two of you had been seeing each other for a few months. It had been nice to have something to distract him, and he really had missed being able to spoil a girl.

But you were a whole lot different from the dames he used to take out in the forties.

You never wanted to let him pay for anything, you'd actually rolled your eyes at him on your last date when he'd snatched the check out of your hand. Also, he couldn't remember any woman shoving him against the wall and devouring his mouth until he was a panting, whining mess. And every time you finished a date you were practically pouncing on him, he'd even heard you growl a few times through your apartment door when he'd insisted on cutting things short before they went too far.

All he wanted was to take it further though. And he felt like a damn pervert each time he got home after one of your dates and had to desperately jerk himself off. What was he supposed to do though? Sure, he knew that gals nowadays were freer with their affections, but he wanted to make sure you knew how much he respected you.

That was why he had invited you to the game night Tony was throwing, hoping that introducing you to the team would provide some sort of distraction from how much he wanted to bury himself in between your legs.

It may have been a mistake, though.

"Oh, fuck you, Stark!" You were flipping Tony off from across the table after he bought another one of your properties out from under you in Monopoly.

"I am so sorry that I understand how capitalism works and can use it to my advantage." Tony made a mock wounded gesture and grinned at you before waving his fake money in your face. "Cap, I cannot believe you are dating a girl who swears like a sailor. Has she taught all the bad words?"

Poor Steve was starting to blush. For some reason, hearing you cuss out Tony was just making it even harder for him to not imagine your lips wrapped around his cock. Which was the absolute opposite of the respectful attitude he was trying to take with you.

“Don’t tease him, Tony!” You frowned at the man as you leaned against Steve’s knee. “I don’t care that you’re Iron Man, I’ll slap that smirk right off your face. Do you want another drink, baby?”

“No I’m good.” He swallowed thickly when you stood up and stretched, sighing when you ran your fingers through his hair before moving to the bar.

“Aww, look at you, Cap!” Maria was giving him a knowing grin when he turned back to face the group. “Someone’s got it bad!”

“Guy’s, c’mon.” He usually didn’t mind some good natured ribbing, but with how frustrated he already was it was just making him crankier.

“Yeah, guys, let’s be nice.” Tony looked a little too full of himself for Steve to trust he wasn’t going to be an ass. “She pop your cherry yet, Rogers?”

“What the fuck, Tony?” Steve choked on his beer while the rest of the team cracked up.

“Oh, she did teach you all the bad words!” Tony dodged the pillow Steve lobbed at him with a guffaw.

“What is this cherry popping?” Thor looked slightly confused at the turn the conversation, Earth idioms always seemed to have that effect on him.

“Tony’s asking if Y/N took Steve’s virginity.” Clint explained, laughing lightly when realization dawned on the giant blonde’s face.

“Aha, you’re a virgin Steven?” Thor seemed to be genuinely interested, rather than endlessly amused like everyone else.

“I’m not having this discussion with you assholes.” Steve sank back into the couch and pouted. He wasn’t a virgin, it had just been a while.

“What were you all talking about while I was gone?” You grinned when the conversation suddenly stopped once you came back into the room, Clint clapping a hand over Thor’s mouth when the god tried to explain what they had been discussing. “Fine, keep your secrets. What’re we playing next?”

“What do we think about Twister?” Everyone cheered at that, and you sank onto Steve’s lap while you waited for Tony to come back.

Well, shit. All the care he had been taking the whole night to not turn into a horny idiot went right out the window when your ass settled into the dip in his lap. And your head leaning against his shoulder meant the scent of your shampoo was filling his nostrils and making it impossible for him to think about anything except burying his face in it while he fucked you from behind.

“You ok, Stevie?” You wriggled a little when you turned to face him and he sucked in a harsh breath. “You seem kind of tense.”

“Yeah, I’m, god, I’m fine.” He was lying, the way you were moving as you chatted with the team was making him hard.

“Honey, are you su... oh.” Your voice dropped to a low purr once you felt his bulge growing underneath you, tilting your head back so you could murmur directly in his ear. “Did you want some help with that, Stevie?”

“Baby, fuck.” He didn’t care any more, he was hard up, and you smelled so good. “I need it.”

“So ask nicely.” You’d been waiting so long for this boy to break, you felt like torturing him a little, rolling your hips against him and grinning at the desperate whine he let out.

“Honey, please.” It was fucking painful, he was cursing himself in his head for holding out for so long.

“I’m gonna go help Steve with something in the kitchen.” You announced, keeping your body in front of his when the two of you stood up to start making your way out of the game room.

“Really prefer if you could help him in almost any other room.” Tony called after you, shaking his head as the two of you scurried away. “Ok, who had ‘Cap breaks at game night’ in the pool?”

As soon as you were out of sight of everyone else you were yanking Steve’s face to yours, winding your fingers through his hair and dragging him down the hall as you tugged at his lips with your teeth. He was moaning and whining desperately against your mouth, opening up and letting you curl his tongue against his while his fingers dug into your waist.

God he was stupid. Why couldn’t he think of any good reason for why he’d been putting this off? You were so soft and warm and he just wanted to get you back to his room and...

“Shit, baby, what are you doing?!” He hadn’t even noticed when you shoved him against the wall, but when you disconnected to kneel in front of him he came back a little bit.

“Can’t make it back to the room.” You mumbled, mouthing at the bulge in the front of his jeans and whipping off his belt. “Already waited too fucking long.”

“Honey, the team could walk through any minute.” Although it was a little hard for him to actually care when you ripped his fly open and nipped at the outline of his cock through his boxer briefs. “Ah, fuck.”

“That’s what makes it so exciting.” You winked at him before drawing his weeping cock out and immediately wrapping your hand around him. “Oh, fuck sweetie.”

“Y/N, oh god.” All of his concentration was going to not coming immediately like a teenager when you squeezed along his length.

“Just look at this poor thing.” You pouted as you started pressing soft kisses all over his shaft, trying not to act too pleased when he jumped in your hand. “So pretty and needy. Have you not been taking care of him, Stevie?”

“Baby, unngh.” His knees almost buckled when you suckled gently at his swollen head, he had to brace himself against the wall to keep from collapsing. “That feels so good.”

“I know, I’m gonna take such good care of him.” You grinned at the thin keen he let out when you flicked your tongue over his slit to lap up his precum. “Keep him wet and warm all the time like he deserves.”

The column buckled when he thumped his fist into it once you took him fully into your mouth, swallowing him down your throat until your nose was nuzzled against the well trimmed hair at his base. A steady stream of obscenities started falling from his lips when you drew back before shoving your face forward again and massaging the thick vein that ran over the underside of him with your tongue.

One of your hands trailed under his shirt so you could drag your nails over his chest, your painfully stretched lips quirking at the corners when he wrapped his hand in your hair and let out a low groan. You could tell he was still holding back though, even when you brought your free hand up to fondle his balls he wasn’t fucking your face like you really wanted.

So, you slapped his nipple and trailed your hand up to wrap around his throat, and that did what you wanted.

“Ah, baby, fuck!” His hips bucked into your face and you hummed with satisfaction. “Shit, I’m gonna come.”

Look, you prided yourself on your swallow game. You were firmly planted in the “spitters are quitters” camp. But you were not prepared for the sheer volume of cum that was suddenly shooting down your throat. There was no way you could swallow fast enough, having to pull him out while you coughed and spluttered around the ridiculous amount of cum that was overflowing your mouth, but somehow still coming out of him.

“Honey, are you ok?” Oh god, it had finally stopped. “I’m so sorry, I probably should have mentioned a couple side effects there are from the serum.”

“Stevie, I’m fucking great.” You beamed up at him once you had finally caught your breath, tears leaking down your cheeks and your lips and chin coated in thick ropes of his spend. “I probably should have mentioned that I’m a little bit of a cumslut, so this is gonna work out great for both of us. What other side effects are there?”

“Uh, well...” He was having trouble talking as he watched you scoop the excess cum with your fingers and suck them clean, his gaze flicking down to his cock when he couldn’t form a complete sentence.

“Hmm? Fuck, you’re still hard.” You were fucking giddy, fully expecting that there was no way you were going to be able to walk for a couple days after tonight. “This is very important information, Stevie. We’re gonna take full advantage of this. Let’s go.”

He barely had a chance to tuck himself back into his pants before you were dragging him down the hall. A very small part of him was worried that he may have bitten off more than he could chew with you, but mostly he was just excited for whatever you were going to do to him.

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missblissy · 3 years

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Hi!! I want some pain so the Hurt/comfort post, about Alastor x reader with 1, 2, 4, 12??

((Of course Nonny!! Sorry for such a wait!! I've got a lot of these to work on lol. REMEMBER!! REQUEST ARE CLOSED RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE!! IF YOU SEND ONE IN I WILL NOT DO IT! I've had a few other people send some in and I'm sorry to say I have to delete them. I do not have any more room to take any more prompt requests. Thank you everyone for understanding! NOW.... Enjoy the Modern!AU Angst >:D))

1: “We need to stop the bleeding – now!” 2: “I hate to see you hurt like this.” 4: “I want to help you, so please let me.” 12: “You’re normally the tough guy. Today, let me be tough for the both of us.”

Something about today had felt off. Ever since you woke up, it just felt... not right. As if your mind already knew what was going to happen before it actually did. But no one can really know that for sure. That's why it's called a gut feeling. And that feeling told you that today... You might just die.

You've tasted blood before. But for some reason this time it tasted sweet, rather than bitter, and full of iron. There wasn't much for you to focus on other than the lights from the ceiling flickering over your head. You faintly heard a doctor screaming, "We need to stop the bleeding! BP is dropping- Let's go! Now!"

How did you end up here again, violently broken and bleeding out? Oh, that's right... You were driving home after work. It was another late shift during the dead hours of the night. Drunk drivers were often out during these hours of the night. One just so happened to hit you, and now you're here in a hospital.

You just wanted to go home and sleep. You wanted to lay beside your husband and not have to worry about anything. That was not your case, however. And instead, you tried your best to speak. A nurse who was pushing you along the gurney said, "It's alright, we'll help you, you're safe now." But all you wanted to do was ask about your husband. For someone to tell him what was going on. You were sure he was at home, sleeping soundly and without a clue what had happened.

And Alastor wouldn't find out until the next morning. He'd wake up to several missed calls from dozens of people and some he didn't even know. This man didn't even get dressed. He ran out of the house still in his pajamas and floored it to the hospital. Along the way there, Alastor would throw a massive fit. He'd smash his hands on the steering wheel, beating himself up over not getting there sooner.

He'd curse and swear and honestly drive like a maniac. Every red light he got caught at only made him angrier with the world. His tires would spin and shoot smoke the second the light flickered green and off he rushed again.

Luckily, you were out of surgery long before Alastor got to the hospital. A nurse walked him to your room, and he found himself staring at a sight he'd never imagine. You were broken beyond belief. The nurse gave Alastor a sorry look, "Everything's stable, for now," The nurse said, "But...." She shook her head, "It was one of the worse car accidents we've ever seen. We did everything we could-"

"Coma..." Alastor said the single word, "Induced or?" The nurse shook her head.

"Brain damage, though there is still plenty of brain activity," That was good to hear. It meant you weren't brain dead... yet. The nurse gave him a sorry look, then with a nod of her head, she left him there. Alastor slowly walked into your room and closed the door behind him. He even turned all the blinds so no one could see in the little windows from the hallways. Everything felt wrong.

He stood at your bedside. Taking in everything. The tubes, the machines, the wires. Almost immediately he felt his eyes burn with the threat of tears. And when he placed a hand on your cheek he couldn't stop the waves of them rushing down his face.

The sheer pain of the situation made Alastor sob like a child for the first time in his adult life. He sat down beside you and grabbed your hand, "Dammit..." He squeezed tightly, "Dammit!" He let out a little shout and brought your hand to his cheek, "I hate this-" He let out a small cry, "I hate to see you like this, my poor dear-"

He couldn't stop the waves of tears sobbing from his eyes. He'd never let himself cry like this before, but he felt like if he didn't cry, he wouldn't have the chance to later. With anger, he ran a hand over his face, aggressively wiping his tears. He threw his glasses off his face and they clinked to the floor. Alastor's fingers ringed into his hair as he let out another sob and pushed his bangs out of his face. He had completely lost all of his composure. Every part of him was breaking down.

Alastor sat down in the chair by your bedside and buried his head in one of his hands. With his other hand, he still held firm to yours. His fingers dug into your skin as let out another sob, "Please-" He hiccuped, "Please...!" He looked up at your unconscious face with watery dark eyes, "Please be okay," He whispered the words out quickly as he brought your hand to his lips, "Please let me help you-" He spoke the words against your skin, "I want to help you- Please let me... Just!" He paused for another quick sob, "Please just give me a sign your still in there..."

He was never a man to pray to any kind of god. He didn't believe there was one, to begin with. But Alastor found himself praying, hoping that anything would happen. He couldn't lose you, and certainly not like this. You never sign any DNR papers or made it clear to your doctors that you didn't want to be resuscitated. But you did tell Alastor if there ever came a day that you needed machines to keep you alive, you had asked him to pull the plug.

With the weight of what was once just a silly conversation that had now come true, Alastor found himself drowning in misery. He rested his head on the back of your hand as sat in his chair. He looked at his glasses on the ground as tears splattered around them, "I don't want to kill you," He whispered with a cry, "I don't want to unplug you if there is a chance you'll come out of this."

The stone-cold silence lasted only a second between the beats of your heart monitor. A beep, then silence. Another beep, then silence again. Alastor found himself swelling with rage and anger, but mostly sadness. He shook his head slowly as he stared at the ground. This can't be happening... He thought This has to be a dream... This-

Something sounded off. The beeps were getting... faster? Alastor looked up and stared at the monitors. He didn't understand any of them, there were so many, but something was happening. He watched numbers flicker and change when suddenly he felt a tug at his hand.

You didn't make a sound or hardly move but you're squeezed his hand. Alastor had never been so hopeful for something so small. He shot out of his chair with enough force to tip it over behind him.

"Darling!?" Alastor firmly gripped your hand and leaned over you. He let his free hand brush your hair out of your face as he asked, "Darling, please, for the love of god- Can you hear me?"

He waited, and waited some more. Suddenly her felt your hand squeeze him again while he searched your face for any signs, "oh my god-" He whispered to himself as he watched your face twitch with pain before your eyes flickered open. With lightning speed Alastor ran to the door of your room and swung it open, "Someone get a nurse!" He shouted into the hallway, "Please!" He ignored most of the odd stares he was getting.

It wasn't a second later that a small team of nurses rushed in to check on you. You had certainly woken up and the tubes down your throat were not comfortable at all. The intubation tubes were removed, along with the feeding tubes, while others updated your stats. Alastor waited nervously in the corner of the room as he watched a team of people work over you. He felt so helpless that he couldn't watch for long. He'd leave the room and wait in the hallway, trying his best to ignore the painful coughs and groans as tubes were pulled out of your throat.

When the nurses left, Alastor quickly went back into the room and to your side. You had only just started breathing on your own again. It was much harder to breathe than ever before, but you still managed. You were still groggy, swore, and very much in pain. Despite this, you still let the smallest and weakest smile crawl along your lips, "Hey..." Was the first thing you said to your husband.

You watched as Alastor's eyes flickered all over your form. From the casts, the pins, the cuts, and bruises. He searched your face for serval minutes than began a weak laugh that sounded similar to a cry, "H-hey..." He said with a long sigh, he even tried to wear a smile that just didn't sit right on his face.

"Al..." You raised a weak and tired hand to his face. He immediately pressed his cheek into the palm of your hand and shook his head, "I'm sorry," You said. But you had nothing to be sorry for, you didn't cause this or intend for it to happen.

He couldn't say anything, Alastor was too caught up with his feelings. You watched him break down all over again as if he was still living with the fear that you might die, "Hey- hey," You raised your hand slightly and made him look at you, "I'm alright," It was hard to see him so broken down like this, "I'm okay, I'm here." You reassured him, "I'm not going anywhere."

Alastor shook his head quickly as if he didn't want to bother you with his feelings. He sucked in a quick gasp for air then sobbed out, "I'm not strong enough to deal with something like this- Ever-.... I can't lose you." He said quickly.

You couldn't really scoot over but thankfully the bed was rather large. You gave Alastor's arm a tug and he quickly climb in and curled up beside you. He was careful to stay clear of any broken bones as he made himself comfortable.

You stared at the ceiling while Alastor shut his eyes and buried himself into the crook of your neck, you used your free hand to comb his hair despite the pain it caused you to move, "That's alright," You finally told him, "No one is strong enough to deal with something like this. You're normally so tough and good at hiding your emotions. But you don't have to do that. I'm alive, I lived, I can be tough enough for the both of us, even if it's just for today."

Alastor curled himself as close as he could beside you. He wanted nothing more than to hide and forget about this day, he knew how impossible that was but he still wanted it. You could feel his tears running from his face and onto your skin. He couldn't stop crying when normally he never cried. He didn't even cry at his mother's funeral. Even though you were the one in the car accident, somehow you felt that Alastor was in the most pain.

"Please don't ever leave me," His voice was raspy and broken as he spoke against the skin of your neck.

With a sad and sorry look on your face, you did your best to pull him closer and wrap your arm around him. You pressed your forehead against his and you felt a set of tears drop from your eyes. You did your best to smile as you spoke, "I won't," You promised, "I'll never leave you, I'll always be here."

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #hotel #alastor x reader #alastor x you #alastor / reader #alastor / you #reader insert #x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #human!alastor #human!reader #modern!au #angst #angsty #not fluffy #not cute

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mythicalninjas · 3 years

Note

For all the boys: an S/O who’s good at singing but is really really shy about it? Like, they just freeze up and will not sing If they notice that anyone is hearing them.

A/N: First request I’ve ever received... Thank you, nonnie! ❤️I’m gonna write as a headcanon separately for each of them, hope you don’t mind. I’m a bit nervous with the result, but hope you like it! (As always I let my imagination go further and I choose songs for each scenario lol). Also I advise you to keep an eye here in my blog ‘cause I’ll post the others boy’s part soon!

Leo:

you don't like singing when someone is around

you literaly don't like it...

but you freak love singing

you’re alone in Leo's room observing innumerable old books he has on his bookshelf while a random song leaves your mouth graciously, the beautiful melody echoing through the comfort space

all of it started this morning when you were having your breakfast and ''Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey'' got stuck in your mind when it was playing on TV

“Hot summer nights, mid-July, when you and I were forever wild [...]”

you kept on singing

then sudden a chill ran down your spine

weird...

instinctively you turned your head towards the door slowly

and saw him there standing with his arms crossed in front of him, smirking at you

“continue, love. I wanna hear more of your beautiful voice”

you couldn’t move

“I-I... No.” Noticing the unexpected coldness in your voice you immediately say ‘‘Actually I don’t... like... singing when someone esle is near, ya know...”

you blush

Leo smiled and walks towards you

“My love, listening to you singing is... marvelous!” He caress your cheek and bowed his head towards your face ‘‘Sing for me...”

this handsome knows exactly how to convice you

you couldn’t help but smile

“Okaaay, but with a condition” you lift your finger and boop his nose “I’ll sing just when we are alone” you whispered

Leo signed to you to go to his bed while he close the door

and locked it

“Show me your secret skill, my sweetheart.” he murmued

you sat up on his bed and he did the same, besides you

he took your hand softly and pulls you closer to him

"Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful? [...]"

you caress his cheek

"I know you will. I know you will. I know that you wiiiiiillll. Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?"

"I will always love you, Y/N..."

"And I always will love you too"

Raph:

"You see a light's about to break and every cell is gonna to change just hold on, gonna make it through..."

Raph stopped, suddenly hearing a beautiful voice singing

And he found out that it's your voice coming from inside the Tartaruga Brothers truck

Are the others listening to you as well?

He looked around but noticed that he is alone.

He followed your voice, listening carefully the words and the way you sing

You look sad...

He walked a bit faster to get on the truck

"I know you feel that it's too late that all these chains have you enslaved just hang on gonna see the truth. Let there be light."

"Y/N?"

You're sit on a mini sofa inside the truck in a fetal position

"Oh..." You got shocked "Hi, big red..." You said with a weak smile, trying to hide your shyness

He could feel that you're not okay but he doesn't want to push you under pressure

"I heard you out there. You... Have a wonderful voice"

You blush, hiding your face on your knees

"Really?..."

"Yes! Why? Are you... Shy?"

You nodded "I don't feel comfortable when someone see me singing"

"Aw sweetheart" he landed his massive hand on your back and carefully lift your head towards him with his finger "I have no words to explain of how beautiful your voice is, Y/N. You don't need to feel shy."

So, the brute noticed something even more "worse" about you

He could see that your eyes are red

"Love, something is bother you, and it is not just about singing in public. Were you crying?" He whispered

You buried your face in his hard chest

"No, I wasn't, love. I just had a- hard day. When I get sad I sing to try to calm me down. Just it."

Raph stoke your hair softly "Are ya sure is just it? Love, ya should have told me, love. I got worried"

"Sorry, love. Sometimes I can't take it"

"It's okay. Now..." He pulls you away slowly "how about you sing a happy song? I wanna see you smiling, sweetheart"

You froze

"I'm not sure..."

"Come on. If you don't sing, I will"

You immediately got up and waved your hands negatively "No, no, no, no, no!"

He smirked. He knows exactly that you secretly don't like him signing.

He can't sing very well

"Okay, okay, I sing. But just for you!"

He chuckled "Okay. Then..." He tapped his lap, mentioning you to sit

"So..." You breath

"Go on, love." He smirked "Let me hear you"

That sounded odd

You both spent a few hours there, enjoying the moment

Gonna post Donnie and Mikey's part soon!💚

#tmnt #tmnt x reader #bayverse tmnt #ask #headcanon #tmnt 2016 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 x reader #tmnt raphael #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt leo x reader

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trulivin · 4 years

Text

Not What Everyone Thinks

A/N: Yay I got another one done! LOL. Anyways, to the nonny who requested, I hope you enjoy. I hope I did a decent job at portraying Rafe. He’s more down to earth in this one so I don’t know if I like it too much. We’ll see. I rewatched OBX and like I’m telling you he is ten times fucked up than he is in here. Pardon my language, but hopefully you all will forgive me if he isn’t really like how he is in the show. Anyways, enjoy, send feedback, like, comment, etc.

Rafe Cameron x Reader, Outer Banks

Warnings: implied sexual innuendos? uhhh language. That’s it.

*gif isn’t mine*

Upon the request of Sarah Cameron, Y/N was enlisted to help decorate her mansion for her birthday party. She tried roping the rest of the Pogues into it, and Kie was originally going to help but was needed elsewhere at the time, and the boys opted out. Even John B.

“Sorry sweetheart,” he had said with a peck on the cheek. “Whatever,” Sarah rolled her eyes and turned back to Y/N. “Fineeeee,” Y/N sighed, earning a hug.

So, when the day finally arrived Y/N found herself walking up to the oh-so-familiar house she had spent many days with Sarah in.

Y/N was essentially a Kook by blood, but, much like Kie, she chose to hang out with the Pogues, much to her mother’s disappointment. Sarah Cameron, however, had been her best friend growing up and remained a very good friend even when Y/N started hanging out with John B’s crew.

For Y/N, she stayed out of the whole Kook versus Pogue thing. It was never something she, quite frankly, wanted to be involved in and she was thankful neither sides made her pick. It was absolutely ridiculous that the boys were constantly getting into fights. And, it was especially annoying when Rafe Cameron always decided to mess with JJ, John B, or Pope all the time.

Y/N never understood why he did it. She had known him her whole life becoming friends even, because of Sarah, and then she saw what drugs did to him. It was quite depressing to watch, so Y/N didn’t and went to hang out with the Pogues instead.

Luckily, though, that didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed on Tanneyhill anymore. Especially now that Sarah had to decorate the entire mansion.

“You’re a lifesaver,” Sarah said, opening the door for her. “I know,” Y/N laughed. Sarah playfully rolled her eyes and shoved her friend a bit before the two started their job.

Y/N and Sarah were in the middle of stringing lights when she heard two approaching voices arguing down the hall. “Tonight is your sister’s birthday! Do not screw this up, Rafe! I’m sick of your inability to get anything done around here. You are almost twenty years old, it’s time to get it together son,” Ward chastised.

“I told you, I’d get it!” Rafe argued back. “When?” Ward asked, extremely annoyed. “If I recall you were supposed to get the new parts ordered last week!”

“I know, but I swear I--” Rafe started but was cut off.

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it anymore. I have to help get everything in order tonight. Just get it done,” Ward spat, before crossing the living room. Sarah and Y/N exchanged nervous glances before Sarah’s mouth turned up into a grin. “Sorry you had to hear that,” Sarah giggled quietly before stepping down the ladder. “It’s fine,” the other girl smiled back.

“I have to go grab more lights, you good?” she asked. “Yep all good here,” Y/N said standing up on her toes a bit.

As Y/N was focusing on trying not to fall off the ladder, she heard Sarah say, “Shouldn’t have taken that money to buy that stupid bike.” “Piss off Sarah,” Rafe snarled as Sarah laughed all the way down the hall.

“What the hell are you doing?” Rafe snapped at Y/N. “Putting up lights. What does it look like genius?” Y/N bit back, making a face, but not turning to face the pissed-off Kook. “I don’t recall Pogues being allowed in the house,” he hissed.

Y/N turned to face him. Rafe was glaring at her. Instead of cowering away from him, like most people do, she glared right back. “If you do recall Rafe, I was once a Kook. I practically lived here my entire childhood,” Y/N hissed.

“Yeah well that was until you and my sister ran off with the island trash,” Rafe spat. Y/N just glared at Sarah’s brother. Truth be told, a long time ago, the two actually liked each other when they were friends. They were only two years apart in age, and yeah, Y/N was his little sister’s friend, but she was one he never minded. At least until she ran off with the Pogues.

“Why do you have to act like this?” Y/N asked, catching Rafe off guard. “What?” Rafe replied.

“Why do you act like such a dick? We were friends once you know,” she said.

“I’m not a dick,” Rafe scoffed, his anger subsiding a bit. Y/N snorted, “Yeah, you are. And you’re a big baby too, oh my god.”

“Oh shut the hell up, Y/N,” Rafe grunted, slumping in the lounge chair. Y/N giggled hopping down from the ladder and moving to the balcony that overlooked the room. Her new position also happened to be nearly right in front of the moody boy.

Rafe glanced up from messing with his shirt as Y/N placed the ladder a few feet from him. He found his eyes wandering up her legs and to the skin that showed when she reached up to hang the lights across the railing. “You’re staring,” Y/N sing-songed, not looking away from what she was doing.

Rafe felt his face heat up. He was still of the male species after all. It didn’t matter how out of it he was or how angry he was: he still had eyes.

Y/N let out another laugh, and glanced back down at him. Rafe was no longer staring at her but was extremely occupied messing with his sleeves. She watched his ring-clad fingers bunch the material up his toned, tanned arms, and found herself staring this time.

His vineyard-vines button up fit perfectly across his broad shoulders and muscular arms. It was also fitted so perfectly that you could almost see the outline of his abs through the material. Y/N felt as though the room got quite hot even with the air conditioning on.

Ever since she met Sarah, she always thought her older brother was attractive. There was something about him that caught Y/N’s eye. The best part was that she knew the real Rafe too. The one who wasn’t on drugs and acting like an idiot. Maybe that’s what always made her so intrigued by him.

But, alas, he still acted out which stopped her from hanging around him. Yet, that still didn’t mean he wasn’t extremely hot for a Kook.

“Please stop rolling your shirt sleeves up, I am trying to focus here,” Y/N mumbled before she could even think. Rafe instantly froze and locked eyes with the girl on the ladder. He noticed how one arm was holding on to the railing while the other hung by her side. Her shirt was also still noticeably bunched up, and Y/N’s eyes were also partially blown.

“Now who’s the one staring?” Rafe smirked, a hint of his old self in his voice. Y/N snapped out of her daze, rolling her eyes. “Hush,” she said, turning back to the last string of lights.

Y/N finally finished and hopped down, Rafe following her every movement. “Listen,” Y/N started, standing in front of him, “You were a decent person before the drugs. This isn’t the way to get your dad’s attention.”

“You don’t know shit,” he snapped, his anger flaring again as he looked up at her.

“Oh stop yelling at me, I don’t care what you think. I just know you weren’t like this,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Rafe, you and I used to be friends.”

“Yeah, until you ran off with those damn Pogues!” Rafe shouted.

“God! Enough with the whole Kooks versus Pogues shit! What does it matter? My parents are Kooks! I’m a Kook! So what? It’s the person, Rafe, not their social status. Sarah gets it! But that’s not even the problem! You’re the problem,” Y/N snapped.

“Do you really want to associate yourself with a bunch of lunatics who put guns to peoples’ heads when they feel like it?”

“Rafe, Topper was drowning John B! What the hell was JJ supposed to do? Let his best friend die? Tell me this! If it were the other way around, would you have pulled the gun?” Y/N groaned.

Rafe didn’t answer this time, but just stared up at her. He really only thought about her question for a second before studying her face. Her pupils were still slightly dilated yet he could see her sincerity as well.

“Exactly,” she huffed. “Look, I’ve known you for so long,” she said softly, “You aren’t the bad guy. Drugs mess people up, Rafe. And it sure as hell won’t get your father’s attention the way you want it.”

Rafe was shocked to hear what she was saying, but he pulled his gaze away from her hard one. “I--I really don’t know what else to do though,” Rafe finally spoke, refusing to look at her. Y/N closed her eyes for a second taking a breath. “You can start by being present for your sister’s birthday party tonight. And not shitfaced and present, or on crack and present. Sober,” Y/N suggested, firmly.

“Wow, you two on speaking terms again?” Sarah’s voice cut in as she strutted in the room. Y/N turned her attention to her friend and rolled her eyes, her normal relaxed look slipping back on her face. “If you count arguing,” she laughed as she took the lights from Sarah.

“Oh of course,” Sarah shot back with a wink. Rafe watched Y/N as she and his sister laughed and joked with each other. To say he missed the easy-going conversations with Y/N was an understatement. He always found it was so simple to talk to her. She would never judge and would always somehow say the right thing.

But, unfortunately, as he began working with his father more, Rafe found himself trying to impress Ward in any way he could to make his father proud. In the midst of all of that, Rafe managed to push her away and go down an even darker path.

“Well, I will see you tonight, birthday girl,” Y/N said snapping Rafe out of his thoughts. “Thank you for helping me set up,” Sarah smiled. “Oh and tell your mother she does not need to bring me any gifts tonight!”

“No promises,” Y/N said, giving her friend a hug. “You know how she is at parties.”

“I know,” Sarah rolled her eyes. “The whole island is going to be here tonight I swear. Leave it to Rose to throw a huge party. It’s like Midsummers came early.”

“It’s your seventeenth birthday. It’s a big deal. Just enjoy the attention,” Y/N giggled as she headed for the exit. “Bye Rafe!” she called down the hall. Rafe put a lazy hand up as he heard the door slam shut. He was still lost in thought over everything Y/N had just told him.

“Shouldn’t you be getting those parts dad wants?” Sarah asked her brother with her hand on her hip. “Mind your damn business Sarah,” Rafe snapped.

Sarah glared at her brother before rolling her eyes. “Whatever,” she responded, turning on her heel, leaving Rafe all alone.

At 6:30, Y/N stood in front of her mirror with a horrified expression. “Why do I have to wear this mom?” she groaned. Her mother had decided it would be a good idea to wear a light pink dress with a neckline for a prude. “This is a party, not a church service!” Y/N complained.

“The dress is gorgeous sweetheart, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/M/N replied. Y/N studied herself in the mirror for a moment.

“I’m not wearing this,” Y/N concluded.

“Yes, you are, Y/N,” her mom said strictly. “You’ve been running around with those street rats for too long. A bunch of your father’s business partners and their families will be attending Sarah’s party tonight. You need to look your best.”

“But mom,” Y/N whined, “It’s still a seventeen year old’s birthday party. Not some business thing!”

“Y/N, you are going to wear that and that’s final. You can wear whatever you want when Sarah throws her own party for a bunch of idiotic teenagers,” her mother said before walking out of her room.

At least this stupid thing goes above my knees, Y/N thought to herself before following after her mother.

“You ready?” Y/N’s dad asked as the two girls walked into the kitchen. Y/N’s father turned to his daughter and stifled a laugh. “Wow, sweetheart.” Y/N groaned and buried her face in her hands. “MOM!” she groaned. “No, let’s go.”

When they arrived at Tanneyhill, Y/N slunk through the crowd hoping no one would notice her. She had a feeling her mother might pull something like this so she stashed other clothes in Sarah’s room.

Y/N caught a glimpse of JJ’s blond hair and ducked behind a person. She wouldn’t hear the end of it if he saw her in a dress like this. The man she was hiding behind turned around giving her a questioning look. “Oh hi Mr. Daniels,” Y/N smiled sheepishly, straightening herself out and ducking behind another person. Fortunately for her, she made it out of the crowded room and to the steps leading upstairs.

Just as she began her ascent a voice rang out from behind her, “Oh my god. What the hell are you wearing?” JJ cackled. Y/N closed her eyes and turned around slowly. “Har har guys,” she glared at all of her friends crowded around the steps. Both Sarah and Kie had nice casual dresses on while the boys wore what they would typically wear. Except JJ was in an actual t-shirt rather than one his tank tops.

“Oh shut up I know I look like Peppa Pig. Blame it on my mother,” Y/N said sourly. “I’m going to change.”

“Hahahahahaha!” they all cackled. Sarah finally calmed down, pretending to wipe her eyes from her tears of laughter. “Let her go change,” she said, “c’mon.” Y/N shot her a grateful smile before they shuffled away.

Just as Y/N was about to get into Sarah’s room, however, she heard a door close down the hall, and looked up to see Rafe approaching her with a shit-eating grin. He was still wearing what he had on that afternoon.

“Just shut up, don’t say anything,” Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose. Rafe burst out laughing and Y/N’s face flushed. He was the last person she wanted to see while she was still wearing this damn dress. If she wasn’t so irritated right now, she would have even been happy to hear Rafe laughing so care-free.

“Why are you wearing that? Holy shit!” he continued to laugh. “You look like Little Bo Peep just with your knees showing!”

“Go awayyyyyy,” Y/N whined, banging her head on the door. Rafe put his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine,” he grinned walking past her. “But if I’m going to this party, you have to show back up too,” he called before disappearing down the steps.

Y/N stood there in mild shock. Rafe wasn’t angry or wasted. He was just Rafe.

Shaking herself out of her little daze, Y/N hurried into Sarah’s room and found her ripped jeans and black tank top. “Thank the lord,” she muttered to herself before stripping.

Downstairs, Rafe gulped nervously trying to shake that urge for cocaine. It was his safety net that took his mind off the disappointment in his father’s eyes. He had almost done it though. Almost. Right before he came downstairs actually. But something told him not to. Well, someone really. Y/N’s words echoed in his mind from earlier. He noticed when she mentioned the word ‘drug’ she almost had that same look of disappointment in her eyes. And god, she was the last person he wanted to disappoint, for some reason.

So, he didn’t do it.

But, he still made a beeline for the adult drink table. Y/N would still drink if she could. Not shitfaced, but still, he thought to himself. Luckily, Rafe had managed to get through, sober, the whole awkward “you’re here” conversation with his dad too, so his drink was well-deserved.

Rafe stood there allowing his eyes to wander all over the room. He saw Topper was trying to talk to Sarah again about her dating choices. “Idiot,” he muttered into his glass.

Kelce was flirting with one of Sarah’s friends, a lot of the men, including his father, were huddled in the corner talking about some business thing while the women were gossiping about something, the Pogues were looking wildly out of place and little uncomfortable, keeping to themselves since Sarah was busy talking with Topper, and the rest of the people were breaking off into little groups talking amongst themselves.

This is stupid why am I even here, Rafe thought before his gaze caught Y/N’s figure. She had obviously changed into something more her style.

Rafe’s eyes followed her beautiful hair that fell over her shoulders and down her back, across the skin revealed by deep cut in the back of her top. He let his eyes linger on her butt for a moment longer, before trailing them down her toned, jean-clad legs and to the floor.

She was far hotter than he remembered. When did she grow up?

Sighing, Rafe brought his eyes back up to her face and frowned when he saw a scowl on hers. He liked her much better when she was laughing like this afternoon. She appeared arguing with her mom who was gesturing up and down to her outfit.

“That neckline is cut way too low, Y/N!” her mother hissed. “So what?” Y/N flung her hands in the air, annoyed.

“That’s too inappropriate!”

“I don’t care! It’s a birthday party! Plus! I can actually breathe right now! That neckline was too high!”

“It was perfect!”

“No!”

“Y/N!”

“I’m not having this conversation at my friend’s birthday party,” Y/N shook her head, rolling her eyes and pushing her way past her mom. She slipped through the crowd and disappeared out the back into the night.

Rafe watched as her mother went right back to her group of ladies and began complaining about her daughter. Ah, yes, he was very familiar with that one. His father had pulled that on him so many times.

He sighed before pushing off his spot on the wall and grabbing one of the extra bottles of wine from under the table and followed Y/N through the door she just went out.

Y/N sat at the end of the dock furiously picking some of the wood that was splintering. “I just wanted to enjoy my friend’s birthday party but NO! Always have to be the perfect little daughter you want me to be,” she mumbled to herself. “Just so I don’t mess up the stupid little reputation on this damn island.” Y/N groaned, allowing her anger to get the best of her.

“Well guess what?” she finally shouted, “I’m going to get off this damn island one day so I don’t have to put up with this bullshit anymore! How about that?” Y/N felt better yelling into the darkness.

“If you leave then can I come too?” a familiar voice said in the darkness. Y/N whirled around in bewilderment and found Rafe standing a little ways off with a hand in a pocket and the other gripping a bottle of alcohol. Y/N’s face softened as he sat down beside her, handing her the bottle of wine.

“You looked like you needed this,” he said.

“Thanks,” she responded before putting the bottle to her lips. She sighed as the wine seemed to warm her body up and already started washing her irritation away. Y/N also became hyper-aware of how close Rafe was sitting next to her. Their arms were slightly pressed against one another.

“It’s ironic you know,” Rafe started, “You lecture me about getting my father’s attention, but here you are pouting about your mother.” He let out a laugh. “Yes, yes it’s all very funny. She just expects me to be this perfect little Kook daughter and wear pretty colors and go shopping or some shit,” Y/N ranted.

Rafe listened patiently until she finally let out a huff.

“Well, you know, in your mother’s defense, you still looked good in that dress,” Rafe spoke after a moment still looking out at the star-covered marsh. Y/N snorted, passing him the bottle. “Oh please. I looked like Peppa Pig.”

“Yes, you did,” Rafe laughed a bit. “But still a pretty Peppa.”

Y/N felt her face go warm again at his compliment. They hadn’t spoken like this in years. Y/N remembered how kind Rafe could really be. She was devastated when he did a 180 and lashed out at everyone he cared about. Yet, could she really blame him? She saw how hard he worked to impress Ward, but his father still dubbed him incompetent. And yes, Rafe did some stupid stuff, but don’t all teenage boys?

“Thanks,” she smiled as he handed her back the bottle. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the small lapping of water and passing the bottle back and forth.

“I’m surprised you aren’t scolding me for drinking,” Rafe sighed after a bit. “I never said you couldn’t drink when you got to the party. Just not before,” Y/N specified. “Oh right,” Rafe said.

“I’m glad you came,” Y/N said quietly, turning to look at him. Rafe felt her gaze on him and turned to face her too. “Why?” he asked. Y/N shrugged a bit and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know really. I guess it was just nice talking to you today,” she said.

“We argued more than talked, you know,” Rafe grinned as she looked back up at him rolling her eyes playfully. “Well of course,” she smirked. “Who would we be if we didn’t argue all the time. Remember when we argued that whole ride up to the mainland with your dad and Sarah?”

“How can I not?” Rafe laughed. “You were so mad you turned bright red.”

Y/N burst out in a fit of giggles, and Rafe couldn’t help but find himself smiling harder at the gorgeous sound.

Eventually, their laughs died down and they both stared out into the night sky. “This is what I was talking about earlier, you know,” Y/N said, breaking the silence again. “What?” Rafe was puzzled.

“When I said that you weren’t the bad guy,” she mumbled.

“You’re the opposite actually,” Y/N said more firmly, looking back up at him. He watched her, thoughtfully, as she continued, “I mean look how much fun we’re having. Yes, we’re drinking, but we aren’t completely wasted, and you aren’t high right now. You’re you again.”

“I can’t shake it though,” he replied quietly. “I know it’s hard, but there are ways to fix it,” Y/N said.

Rafe didn’t say anything as he looked into her dark eyes. Through the darkness, he saw a flash of pain dance through her eyes. He hadn’t realized their faces had gotten extremely closer. “Rafe,” she practically whispered. He felt her breath fan over his lips. “You don’t have to do drugs to get Ward’s attention. You’re better than that.”

Y/N finished speaking as their noses brushed up against one another. She heard her friends’ voices in her head, the voice that told her Rafe couldn’t just up and quit, but she didn’t care. His arm behind her locked her in and his skin burned on her back. She knew she shouldn’t, but she did anyway.

With a slight tilt of her head, her lips met his in the night. Y/N’s body turned more towards him as he returned the kiss immediately. It was a slow burn that started in her chest and spread throughout her body as his soft lips melted with hers.

Y/N felt Rafe gently tug at her bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan from her. He instantly gripped her hips and pulled her on top of him allowing his tongue to explore her mouth.

Inside, Sarah was wandering around looking for her friend. “Have you seen Y/N?” Sarah asked John B after looking around for her for the past ten minutes. “Nope,” John B shrugged and went back to trying to throw shrimp in JJ’s mouth. “Boys,” she rolled her eyes and went to the back door.

Sarah stepped outside and squinted down the dock. It was fairly dark, but the moon granted her some light. A weird looking silhouette broke the moonlight a bit and Sarah called, “Y/N?” The dark blob split into two figures and Sarah heard a faint, “shit!”

“Well that’s new,” she laughed when she realized the voice belonged to her brother. “Ok never mind!” Sarah called before ducking back inside.

“Shit,” Y/N cursed, slipping the straps of her tank top and bra back up.

“Oops,” Rafe laughed from beside her.

“We should probably go back inside,” Y/N giggled a bit before standing up. “Or we could, y’know,” Rafe smirked, sitting up on his knees and pushing up her shirt a bit planting wet kisses on her stomach. Y/N resisted the urge to moan and tugged him up.

“I can’t ditch your sister’s party as much as I really...really, want too…” she half moaned looking up at Rafe as he bit his lip and raked his eyes shamelessly all over her body.

His mouth quirked up and then he burst out laughing, “Wow. How the tables have turned.” “Shut up,” she said, shoving him out of the way playfully.

“Oh don’t be such a baby,” he shot back at her with a grin. Rafe caught up and slung an arm around Y/N as they started walking back towards the house. “Rafe,” Y/N said with a serious tone, stopping before they started up the lawn. He looked down at her nervously, afraid this moment would be ruined and it somehow would be his fault.

Y/N took a deep breath and faced him. “I can only do this if you can promise me you’ll stop.”

He knew what she meant. He felt the itch rise again, but easily pushed it away as he looked into her nervous eyes. He didn’t know what to do. Rafe knew he wanted her. God he wanted her so bad, but he didn’t know if it would be enough. “I-I don’t know,” he finally said.

Y/N’s face fell slightly, but he quickly caught himself, “I don’t know if it’ll be that easy. Believe me, for you, I want to so bad. But the reality of it…” his words died in his mouth. This was the most sober Y/N had seen him yet.

“Of course. I know how hard it would be and I’m not blaming you for that,” she said with a small smile returning to her face. “Please help me,” Rafe finally broke, bending down and wrapping his arms around her.

Y/N stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tall frame as the wave of emotion passed over him. “Shhhh. I promise you I will,” Y/N whispered in his ear. “I want to make this right,” he said softly.

“You will, Rafe. You will.”

__________________________________________________

Wow so proud of myself that I actually finished this tonight. Hope everyone liked it!

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writeradamanteve · 3 years

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Hi gorgeous! First of all I wanted to say thank you for your post, sometimes all I see is madness here on tumbler and there aren’t enough people like you to put things in perspective. I gotta say, Betty has the right to sleep with whoever she wants but the fact that in the promo we see them probably sneaking around bc of Jughead upsets me, It means that they know they are wrong to do that but it makes it more “exiting” so it’s okay...? I love bughead with all my heart and I probably will be over the moon (and probably forget all the angst I’m feeling now lol )when they’ll get back together but it kinda feels dirty.NOT bc Betty isn’t allowed to be with other men or something, but bc she knows it’s wrong and she choose to act like that even though she knows it will hurt Jughead. Sorry I’m just rambling here but it sucks a little don’t you think?

Hi Nonnie. Thank you for this ask, and I want to tell you that whatever your feelings are, they’re valid. What I said in my previous post is purely my take on it. I do seek to comfort with it, but it doesn’t make anyone’s feelings about Betty and Archie sleeping together invalid. I have a problem with people slut shaming Betty. I have a problem with people dumping the blame exclusively on Betty’s shoulders, but the emotions of despair and betrayal people feel at Betty and Archie sleeping together is a personal threshold that varies across the fandom.

So I think it *is* annoying and stupid that Betty and Archie chose to sneak around about this. By doing so, there is a choice to deceive. By doing this, it’s kinda making it “a thing” for Jughead, but I also think Betty and Archie are keeping it secret for completely different reasons, and my Archie-hate is gonna come through here when I say:

Archie wants his cake, but he wants to eat it, too.

He likes this sex, but wants to be able to keep his options open. Hell, he might even want Jughead to stick around because deep down, he probably knows Jughead would be pissed at him and he might not be able to walk this back. He might also be hoping that Veronica will leave her husband for him, and he probably knows that Veronica finding out he hooked up with Betty may ruin his chances. “But sex with Betty is good, tho!” So here we are.

Archie’s the worst.

I might say the same for Betty if we were talking about the Betty 7 years ago, but THIS Betty is a different Betty. This Betty just wants a FWB deal. This Betty is pretty sure Jughead’s done with her. Whatever her motivations are for keeping it secret, it screams more like, “Whatever, Archie. You do you, bro. While doing me, of course. Like, try to keep up.” She was “in love” with Archie until sophomore year and he’s the guy next door. Not only is he convenient, but he’s easy.

Now, I’m not saying Betty isn’t holding out hope for Jughead. Jughead will always occupy space in her heart. She will always have tender feelings for him, but that is not why she is keeping this a secret from him. This thing with Archie; this has nothing to do with Jughead. She has compartmentalized this, as she has MANY things, because it is how she is coping.

I think that when Betty and Archie are done with this nonsense, Betty may or may not have to grapple with Jughead’s feelings on the matter, and Betty may admit, “I guess I should’ve told you,” but she’d also say, “I didn’t think it would’ve been relevant to you one way or another.” I really think that this time, the self-examination is on Jughead.

I understand that this whole, “You’re just waiting for Archie to be available,” was a thing for Jughead, but now I’m thinking: Jughead, honey, you need to let this go and grow the fuck up. Betty’s under no obligation to pay for that shit her entire adult life. She was 18 when she made that mistake and even if it took a while, she came clean. She’s done her part and Jughead ran away, then proceeded to profit off that heartache.

That’s how I see this entire ordeal. Like I said, I’ve had a chance to think this through, and to Jughead’s credit, I think he’s entirely capable of working through all of this without falling back on tired old tropes of his Weirdo days.

I think in the end, Jughead will shape up, Betty will figure things out, and Bughead will realign and come out of it stronger than ever.

#anti b*rchie #anti barchie #anti archie #i stan jughead jones but he is also infuriating #i stan betty cooper

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spaceorphan18 · 3 years

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I read with interest your view and that of @hopefulobjectmiracle about tumblr Klaine fandom. Is there more shipping these days than 2010-15? I ask because there seems to be a smaller group that only ship Kurt with Blaine but there seems to be a huge rise in Kurtbastian and Hevans shippers. Likewise, there’s many more pezberry or faberry shippers. And a lot more of those shippers trying to discredit Blaine or Brittany as OTP for Kurt and Santana. There seems to be new younger people joining Tumblr declaring a love for all things Klaine, and then a week later shipping Kurt with everybody else!! Has there been a change since the show aired?

Hi Nonny! :)

Hmmm.... There's not really a clear answer to this because the way shipping evolved is different than people just finding things now.

There are kind of two different things going on here -- Kurt related shipping and non-Kurt (blaine/klaine) shipping. I can't tell you much about non related Kurt things -- however, I will say that Faberry was HUGE when the show was on. It's a subsection of the fandom I never interacted with but it was around in season 1, and loud enough that the show makes nod to it from season 2 forward. Brittana was always around, too, and the reason Brittana became a thing on the show was, partly, due to fans crying out that they should be a couple -- and more than the throwaway joke the writers made in the first season.

I don't know what happened to those ships over time, or how the evolved since the show ended -- I'm sorry :/

But now, I will tell you the epic history of Kurt shipping. (Again. i should really dig out my old notes on this, lol)

Here we go long post...

I found it! I'm going to quote myself so I don't have to write it out again, lol. This was originally from an ask about the BBO (Better Boyfriend Olympics), but it'll work here, too.

Okay, so let’s go back to 2010 when there wasn’t a Klaine fandom, there was a Kurt fandom. A lot of the BBO stemmed out of the Kurt’s Boyfriend Shipping wars of 2010.

Back then, there was just a Kurt fandom, and a lot of opinions about who he should date. Believe it or not, Kurt was shipped a lot with the other guys on the show, there was a healthy dose of Kurt/Finn, but Kurt/Puck was huge, and there was a smattering of Kurt/Mike (I never really did see much Kurt/Artie now that I think of it, which is kind of funny in retrospect, but I’m sure it’s out there.) Anyway - when the show announced Kurt was getting a boyfriend – well, things began to get heated up.

Three big ships emerged

Kurt/Sam - because the rumor was that Sam was originally supposed to be Kurt’s bf (probably not, but that rumor was big at the time). Btw, they were the canoe ship (I have no idea why) and was also known as Kum (rolls-eyes). This ship’s fanbase was so huge and lasted so long, that the show felt the need to address it head on in Season Two’s Rumours (not a joke).

Kurt/Karofsky - Also known as Kurtofsky, they were also called themselves the Pirate ship (god, Idk why, shipping wars are weird, yo). These people were also really passionate, mostly about Dave, but liked the whole idea that Kurt would save Dave and they would have this weird - enemies to loves love affair or something. I don’t know, I could never get past the squicky assault aspect, but whatever.

Kurt/Blaine - which. at the time, was… the biggest possibility? It’s funny cause the other two ships were just as big as the Klaine ship, and really the fighting became over who was going to be the best option for Kurt.

And that’s the thing. Fans of Kurt were so passionate about who was best for Kurt, because everyone had seen him go through hell and back on the show, so his boyfriend needed to be perfect for him. And you know who was perfect (at first) – Blaine. More on that in a second…

However, Blaine brought his own bit of baggage – namely fans of Darren Criss (and/or Starkid fans). Unlike Chord Overstreet or Max Adler, people knew who Darren was before he was on Glee. So his own fandom joined in on the Klaine of it all. At first it was all fine – as the shipping wars continued, it was less about Kurt vs Blaine and more about Klaine vs the other shippers. Well, that was going to change….

Original Song happened and Kurt and Blaine got together ending the question of who would ultimately be Kurt’s boyfriend. And things were nice and cozy headed into season 3. You’d think the Kurt/Sam and Kurt/Karofsky ships would die out, but not really, they stuck around for a long time, and kinda morphed into something else.

See, The First Time happened. And for the first time Blaine wasn’t the perfect prince that he was in season 2 – he had more of a developed personality, and more flaws. And… some people didn’t like it. (Also added to the mix was Sebastian – and the Seblaine and Kurtbastian ships were born, but those kinda go off on their own thing and I’m not really going to bring them up much here.) Anyway, what really got fandom split was Dance With Somebody.

You had two sides of an argument, people who saw Kurt’s POV and people who saw Blaine’s POV – and guess what happened. The two sides began to fight with each other over who was “right” in the argument. (My god…) And thus started what fandom started referring to as The Better Boyfriend Olympics.

See - for reasons I don’t fully understand - instead of seeing that each of the boys have a fault and each were wrong in the episode, each side wanted to say that their side, and their POV was the correct way – that one boyfriend was more oppressed and the other was not as good a partner.

On the Kurt side, though, you had a lot of the old Kurt fans and ships who didn’t like Blaine (and/or didn’t want Blaine as his partner) so they vehemently decided that unless Blaine was the perfect boyfriend again, he didn’t deserve to be with Kurt. Meanwhile, you had the Blaine fans, many of them Darren fans who wanted Blaine to have more depth to him than just being Kurt’s boyfriend, and not being Kurt fans first (or originally) they were going to push back at the Kurt fans who were lashing out at Blaine.

Compounding this was the fact that during season 3, there were so many cast members and characters that unless you were Finchel, you were begging for scraps and your featured episode to come along. Meanwhile - Kurt got a ton of screen time, but didn’t sing much, while Blaine sang a lot more, but didn’t get much story. The Kurt fans resented that Blaine was always singing. The Blaine fans were annoyed that the Kurt fans resented it, and tried to remind the Kurt fans that Blaine barely got any development.

Either way, a war had begun. And then The Break Up happened.

Now Kurt fans had a specific reason to point at – Blaine being a terrible boyfriend. He cheated. He’s terrible. The end.

The fandom was not firmly split into sides - you were either a Kurt fan - a lot of them who HATED Blaine - partly because he was getting more attention at the time, partly cause he did sing more, partly because they were made up of Kurt ships that didn’t work out, and partly cause they saw so much of themselves in Kurt that they projected onto him their own feelings, and loving Blaine was not a part of that projection. Or you were a Blaine fan - who spent a lot of time defending Blaine to the point of exhaustion, and became so resentful of Kurt that they wished Blaine could be with anyone else because Kurt (fans) didn’t understand Blaine and should just stop trying.

Weren’t there any Klainers you ask? Ha, well…. Klainers, people actually liked Kurt AND Blaine were stereotyped into two categories. Category A) the really really loud fanbase (usually on Twitter) that harassed the creators, RM, Chris, Darren, various crew about Klaine every second that they got – to the point that it started to feel embarrassing (that’s probably my own projection). Category B) People who thought (think) that Chris and Darren were (are) in a secret relationship. (Spoiler alert they aren’t, never have been, and never will be.) The two of these categories overlapped A LOT, and many of the fans of one boy or the other just disassociated completely.

You could still be a fan of the Klaine relationship, but you had a preference to which boy you were actually a fan of – you couldn’t like both, or else you were a Klainer, and that was not cool. (I spent a long time NOT identifying as anything, and trying to make sure everything I did and said was equal – a) cause I was new to fandom and b) cause I hated that either one or the other of these characters were villainized so frequently.)

Anyway - Season 4 continued. Adam showed up, and Kurt fans got all excited, but the problem was that a lot of them saw him as the perfect boyfriend again – not a real character but a prop that could make Kurt look good and be everything for Kurt. Look, I liked Adam, I did, but he was underdeveloped, and this weird idea that your boyfriend needs to be perfect in order to be a functioning relationship is just unrealistic. I digress. Meanwhile, we didn’t get a lot of Kurt POV, which didn’t help things, and meant even more projection over his character.

Meanwhile, the Blaine fans had formed their own community, which became viciously defensive of him. I think the whole fandom was toxic during this time for a lot of reasons, and I really wanted to quit it. Many people did – the show wasn’t being fun anymore.

Season 5 came along, the boys got back together, tempers simmered, but the whole idea of the Better Boyfriend Olympics came back every time a conflict happened. Arguments about who was the better boyfriend ensued, gatekeeping as to why their pick was best and why your opinion sucked still ran through the fandom. Not helping was the fact that Cory had died, and the creators, actors, and crew – as well as media – was tired of Glee.

The one nice thing, though was that a lot of the old crowd had moved on by then, and there was an influx of newer people coming in during season 5 (and season 6) – they weren’t here for the season 3 droughts and season 4 wars, and brought in a newer and fresher perspective.

But still - we had the end of season 5 and the summer of spoilers and season 6 to get through. At this point, the Kurt and Blaine camps had moved to their parts of the internet and really not speaking much to each other if they could help it. When an argument happened on the show, the same kind of Better Boyfriend Olympics came up again – one boyfriend was worse than the other, and unless they changed xyz they were not good enough for the other. But at this point, it was incredibly tiring. I know that I was just ready for the show to be done with.

I should say, as an aside, not helping things were the rise of some rather vocal BNF-ish fans, who dug their heels in about their own opinions. The refusal to even acknowledge that one side or the other might be right, or have valid points was not helping anything. A lot of people on both sides refused to even listen to the points on the other side – and instead of being frustrated at the show, the creators, or whatever, they took it against each other, which wasn’t fun to watch either.

Season 6 happened - Blainofsky happened, and that killed enthusiasm for the season on both sides, most people just kind of wanted it to be over. And then the ending came quickly, and I think a lot of people who were just plain unhappy about everything left for good.

The Better Boyfriend Olympics, or this weird competition that always pitted the boys and their fandoms against each other in the name of one being better than the other, leveled off after this. I won’t give myself /that/ much credit - but one reason I created @todaydreambelievers was to give fans of both Kurt and Blaine a safe place where we could enjoy and discuss both boys without the BBO rearing its head. And you know what – it did mend a few hearts.

For the most part, it’s been pretty quiet since. Fandom is quieter, but I think the people who have come into it after the show has ended are a lot less judgmental and argumentative. (I suppose it helps if you know how the story is going to end.) And the cool thing, for me, is finding a group of people who enjoy Kurt and Blaine equally (or respectfully) – and reclaiming the name Klainer as a good thing.

I’ll end by saying this – it’s been relatively peaceful, even with the influx of new people throughout the years, but I have been seeing shades of BBO pop up again. Look, you don’t have to like Klaine to be a fan of one or the other of them. But there are a lot of terrible things going on in the world, a lot of things to be angry and get indignant about. How a fictional couple was written ten years ago is not one of them. Be respectful of people, and know that maybe the side you understand better isn’t the only side worth listening to. ;)

////////////////////

So, I suppose that's part 1 of this full picture. Onto Part 2.

Here's the thing -- I've stayed, mostly, in my little tumblr buble over the past five years -- blissfully unaware that I suppose things were going on around me. Except... they really weren't. Until the pandemic happened, and Glee went to Netflix internationally, and a whole bunch of young kids grew up and started watching the show.

By the time I ended TDB in 2019, there weren't many of us left. I knew there was our small, dedicated group of fans. The tinhatters (the group who thought Chris and Darren were in some kind of relationship. spoiler alert -- they're not). And I know the Kurtbastian fans have been kicking around for a while. But no one was around in huge numbers.

And then boom - pandemic, and I'm shocked (not in a bad way) that this show has already seen a resurgence. The weirdest part, for me, is the fact that not only is history repeating itself -- seriously, people are bringing up old conflicts that have been dead for ages, and old shipping wars I never thought I'd see again -- but I think this new group's relationship with the show is much different.

I think that Kurt is a character whom a lot of people can still identify with. And because he's on his own in the first season, it's still easy to project yourself onto him. And then shipping goes from there. Blaine went from being the exciting option, omg are they really gonna do Klaine?? to -- hey Klaine is the boring canon choice, we can choose who we want for Kurt.

Layer over that years of Blaine hate still circling the interwebs. The echo chamber that Twitter and Tiktok create. And the fact that neither Chris or Darren seem to have the army of fans they once did (well -- Darren does, but they don't really watch Glee anymore). And you get this varied landscape of shipping.

No, some days it doesn't feel that different from the BBO days. The fact that I still get asks about Blaine and TFT car scene or Tested makes me feel like I'm back in 2013. Other times I'm perplexed by resurgences -- such as Kurtbasitan and Kurt/Sam. (Please don't bring back Kurtofsky guys)

But there's a saying -- Same Shit, Different Day.

I think there is an entirely different group of people than the original people watching, and their reasoning for shipping whatever is much different. But they've certainly come to a lot of the same conclusions that brought about the shipping wars in the early days.

At the end of the day - I think Kurt will always been a fandom mattress. But ship what you like and be nice to everyone else. There's enough hate in the world -- no need to dump on people's escapism.

#that's how s.o. sees it #klaine history #klaine #and fandom #did I answer the question?#idk

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thefatedthoughtofyou · 4 years

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Another possible chubby Az prompt for you my dear 😊 Crowley sees him in a form-fitting robe for the first time, all white and curve-hugging and pretty. In the sun it’s almost translucent, and every plump part of Az is on display. He looks like a painting come to life. Crowley genuinely has a nosebleed over it. Like, a real one. It’s really embarrassing. He needs a tissue. Maybe he snakes out a bit, gets scaly and can’t say his S’s right for a while lol

( Thank you so much nonny!!!! i loved both the prompts you sent!!!! so much!!! this one ended up shorter than i intended but i am so very tired! it turned out super cute though i think so it’s still a win!!! thanks again i hope you enjoy it!!! )

Ao3

The Garden In Between

It had been… days. Since the ark. Maybe weeks… Possibly months. Crowley squinted up at the sun, looked at the smooth stone buildings around him, let his fingers drift over the cool surface. It may have been years. But not many years. Not enough years for the buildings around him to look like ruins. So not many years at all. He wandered through the streets, moving nimbly around some giggling children as they ran past, chasing each other, smiles on their faces. Crowley smiled as he watched then stumble around the nearest corner. And then he smelled it.

An Angel.

He sniffed, his tongue running along his lip to get a better scent. He closed his eyes and focused. He’d been thinking about the Angel just yesterday. He’d seen some children eating something that looked sickeningly sweet and he knew, the Angel would love it. He sniffed again, deeply, and opened his eyes. It was his Angel alright. Now he just needed to find him.

He checked the market first, eyes moving over the food stalls quickly. He didn’t have to focus hard, Aziraphale was easy to spot. He nearly always stuck out like a sore thumb. Crowley supposed he must stick out as well, he only ever used the bare minimum of his magics to hide himself. And these days it was really just his eyes he needed to hide. People tended not to notice, or if they noticed, they didn’t say much. Either way, he couldn’t be bothered with that now, there were more pressing matters at hand. Matters like where an Angel might go in the city. An Angel who loved food and wasn’t anywhere near the food.

The garden.

The words had barely crossed Crowley’s mind before his feet were carrying him away. Down two side streets, three alleys, and a short cut through a rather grim looking building. He reached the garden gates and peeked inside. The garden was enormous, and beautiful, full of flowers and trees and life. He couldn’t see the Angel, but he could feel him. He stepped inside, wiggling his toes in the soft grass beneath his feet, as he walked.

He moved slowly, his fingers dragging over tree bark, and thick leaves, a gentle smile on his lips as sweet smells rushed through his nose. The sun shone through the trees at their thickest, shining rays of light illuminating the greenery beneath them. Crowley’s chest felt lighter and lighter the deeper into the garden he walked.

He could hear a stream now, the water gurgling in a far-off whisper. He followed the soft sounds, eventually meeting with the small path of water. He dipped his toe in, shivering at the chill. He followed the stream, this garden reminding him so much of the last one he’d been in. The day he’d met the Angel. He squinted into the sunlight passing through the trees, he could see something now. Something bright. He thought it might be sunlight reflecting off of water. He stepped through the trees, onto the banks of a small lake. And it was there that he found his Angel.

Crowley gasped, a strangled sort of sound, at the sight of the Angel. He was standing on a dark flat rock that reached out into the lake, the water just covering his ankles. But it wasn’t the rock that had Crowley gasping, nor was it the water lapping at the Angel’s pale skin. No. It was the sunlight. And the way it shone just behind the Angel, lighting him up. Crowley could see everything. Every curve, every dimple and roll. He tried to swallow, his throat closing around a strange clicking noise. The Angel turned then, toward the sound, and oh, this was so much worse.

The light was hitting him from behind now, his hips now outlined a beautiful shadow against his robes. Crowley could see him smiling, smiling at him, as he walked closer. His brain began to boil, his knees shaking and bumping together as the Angel moved closer.

“Crowley? Is that you?” his voice sounded far away, but he could hear in that voice that Aziraphale knew it was him, of course it was him, who else would it be? Crowley tried to answer, tried speak, to say anything, anything at all. His hands were shaking now as his eyes fell to the Angel’s thighs, the light behind him illuminating the way they moved when he walked, so perfect, so soft. Crowley longed to touch them, to feel them move that way beneath his palms. To know what it felt like to sink his fingers into the meat of the Angel’s thighs, and hear what heavenly noises he might make.

“Crowley?” there’s concern in that voice now. And Crowley knows his eyes have changed, he can feel them. And he can feel other things as well, scales. Along his arms, and his neck, and maybe a few along his face, he can feel them, pressing up out of his skin the closer the Angel gets to him. And then he’s there, right in front of him, looking like Heaven and making Crowley burn.

“Dear me, you’re bleeding.” His voice is much higher now. And it’s now that Crowley’s throat begins to work, how well it’s working remains to be seen.

“Ngk.” Is all that come out. And then the Angel’s fingers wrap around his wrist gently. He leads him to the water and makes him sit. He miracles a cloth and begins wiping at Crowley’s face, just under his nose. His nose was bleeding. How embarrassing. He blinks, slowly, his brain so very fuzzy. The Angel being so close not helping that. He shakes his head and comes back to himself, a little. He swats at Aziraphale weakly, trying to push his tending hands away.

“Now please. Let me help you. What happened to you?” the Angel sounds almost mad now. And it clicks, after a second, that he thinks someone has done this to Crowley. He nearly chokes on the irony. He moves his hand to Aziraphale’s wrist. Halting his ministrations.

“Sss’okay Angel, it jussst happens ssssometimes.” He takes the cloth from the Angel slowly, and he lets him, but only just. He doesn’t move away but he let’s Crowley tend to himself. He wipes at his face until the rag comes away clean.

“What on earth happened? I haven’t seen you this… snake like, since… well, since the beginning.” He says, sitting a little straighter and looking out over the water.

“Right. Yeah. It’ssss gardensss.” He says, internally flinching at the drawn out S’s, his tongue was in shambles in mouth, he could feel it, forked, flicking over his teeth restlessly. The flinch may also have been due to the completely, and badly, made up excuse, but Crowley was going to aim it at the tongue situation and not think about it any further.

“Gardens?” the Angel asks, looking at him, brows furrowed. Crowley swallows.

“Yeah, gardens… they…” he has no idea where he was going with this.

“Bring back memories?” the Angle supplied.

Sure. Let’s go with that. Crowley nods, not trusting his mouth.

“Oh course. I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. I didn’t realize.” He said, sounding so very sincere.

“Ssss’nothing.” Crowley said, waving his worries away.

“Your scales seem to be fading.” He says, an offering, an attempt to make him feel better. Of course they were fading. Crowley was all but forcing them out, he hadn’t looked at the Angel since they’d sat down. He was so close now. It wasn’t safe to look directly at him this close up. Crowley was genuinely afraid he may just turn fully back into a snake. He glanced toward the Angel, he could see his robes bunched and resting on the soft curves of his thighs, his round stomach nestled perfectly above them.

“Oh, there they go again.” Aziraphale sighed. Crowley looked away again, feeling scales pressing forward, across his cheeks and down his neck, and thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to be a snake right now. He could just… slither away.

“Are you certain you’re alright?” the Angel sounded worried now. Crowley did his best to meet his eyes.

“Sss’fine. Nothing to worry about.” he shook his head, not sure if he was shaking it to go with his words, or if he was trying to shake his tongue into submission. He was sure it didn’t matter. Aziraphale was still giving him that look.

“It’ll fade Angel. I’m fine.” The look in the Angels’ eyes didn’t fade.

“Thank you.” Crowley said, and watched the worry dissipate as the Angel looked away, finally.

“Well if you insist you’re fine I suppose I’m inclined to believe you.” The Angel said, his body moving in one of its little wiggles as he sat up straighter, Crowley felt scales run down his back like a chill in the night.

“I do.” Crowley looked away, his eyes falling back to his lap.

“You do what?” The Angel asked, not looking away from whatever his eyes had seen across the water.

“I inssissssss- oh really?!” Crowley growled, catching the Angel looking at him from the corner of his eyes. Crowley glared and the Angel laughed. He laughed. He tossed his head back, and laughed. Crowley sat there, scales breaking out across his skin like the plague, tongue twisting and turning in his mouth, begging to be free, eyes, locked on the Angel. The light was still shining on him, the sun had fallen a bit as they’d been sitting, turning a wonderful soft golden color, bathing Aziraphale in a warm glow. Crowley’s eyes tracked the way his hands fell to his stomach as he laughed, and watched the beautiful curve of it shake with laughter.

He watched the way his legs pulled up a bit, as he rocked backwards, and begged whoever might be listing these days to let him touch, just once, some day. Not today. Not tomorrow. Maybe not for hundreds of years. Maybe not thousands. But someday.

He sat, and he watched the Angel laugh, and told himself that this was enough. For now. If this was all he could have of the Angel, just moments like this, just the two of them.

It was enough.

#good omens #good omens fic #good omens ficlet #ficlet #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale #chubby aziraphale #my writing #prompt #request #prompt fill #requests #anon #Anonymous

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georgemackayhey · 4 years

Text

Sight For Sore Eyes

"Quarantine is making me really sad so could you maybe write a soft George request where the reader is American and they have a long distance relationship and haven’t seen each other for awhile but then she is able to fly in and surprise him, maybe with some help from his family (*bonus they have a sweet romantic night in and they’re both just so happy) also this doesn’t have to do anything with being quarantined. Just a general visit to London for the reader to see her favorite person lol xx"

Quarantine do be hitting hard though. I've been struggling with wifi but we're pushing through y'all! Stay sane out there, nonny. ♡

w/c: 3k

───※ ·❆· ※───

You met George when he'd spent some time filming on location, just outside of your city. He and some of his cast stumbled into the late-night dinner where you and your friends were having shakes and sharing laughs.

One of your dear friends pointed across the way to the group of dazzling strangers, and pretty soon your entire table was swooning over the same silent, sweet looking blonde boy. He kept casting glances toward where you all sat ogling him, stifling giggles and averting gazes when his saucer eyes looked up and over.

When the guy got up and sauntered toward your table, you thought surely your best friends wandering eyes had offended him and he'd come over to say something about it. A hush fell over your friend group as the stranger stood glancing at everyone before his eyes landed on yours.

"What's your name?" He asked gently, in an accent you hadn't expected. Everything about his question caught you off guard, and your friends tore their eyes away from the guy then, so they could gape at you.

"What's yours?" You wondered through a small laugh, eyes locked on his sparkling blue pair. A smile stretched across his face as your friends tried to remain calm. Your waitress appeared, nudging the stranger a few steps away to deliver a couple of milkshakes, but the pretty guy didn't go very far. He came back into your view soon after, to tell you his name.

That's how it all started. You thanked every luck star that aligned that night, for George to have wound up so far from his home and landed just near yours long enough to meet you. After he'd finished filming, you stayed in touch. It was no secret that there was something going on between the two of you and when you finally got the guts to address it, George seemed relieved.

"Now I have no reason to be afraid of asking to see you again when I'm back in the states." He chuckled, voice low and sweet over the phone.

After then George made it a point to come and see you every time he stopped in America. And there were many stops. You were pretty sure half of his visits had little to do with his job, but you weren't complaining.

You were always glad to have him near, to show him around your city and stop in that little old diner where you met. George said it was because they had the best cup of coffee in all the US, but you knew better than that. He kept coming back for you. Enough times to have met (and charmed) most of your family; and to make friends with the little old ladies who frequented the park the pair of you liked to walk around.

But because of money, and time, and a few other miscellaneous frustrations, you had yet to visit him. Every time rough plans started to patch themselves together around a plane ticket to London, something would go wrong. George would say "It's the thought that counts!"

But you were tired of daydreaming, as you hadn't seen your boyfriend face to face for months in a row. He was away, filming and sleeping close to home. And when George's project wound down, and as his birthday neared, you decided enough was enough. It was high time you'd done what George was always doing for you.

You took to your contacts, finding his sister's name. You'd never met her, but she'd popped into enough of George's facetime calls for you to feel as though you had. Once, she even stole his phone and ran to the loo so she could cry to you about something she couldn't seem to tell anyone else.

So as you rang the girl, you felt more excited than scared for the plan you'd been brewing.

After making sure she was alone and ready to scheme, you and George's sister spent an hour piecing together the perfect surprise.

You planned to book a flight for the morning before George's birthday, land in London that afternoon and stay with his sister without him finding out until the day after. It was a grand scheme indeed but with his sister's vow of silence, and you blaming all your extra-long shifts (to afford the trip) on a few newbies getting sacked, George didn't seem to catch on at all.

There were times you had to pretend to be a little extra somber when George wondered when you'd each other again. And one night after a few glasses of wine, you almost spilled your guts over a phone call. But you didn't thank heavens!

By the time you started packing, chattering to his sister over the phone, you were dead nervous. You'd never met his family, hell, you'd never even been to the UK. But his sister assured you that she would be at the airport in time to fetch you and happily hide you away without a hitch.

As you lugged your suitcase to the waiting gate at the airport, your phone buzzed in your pocket. George had sent a text, asking if he could call in a couple of hours. You laughed at the timing and thought fast about how to respond without sounding suspicious.

You settled for telling him you had a busy day and that you'd call when you were able, hoping he'd just think you were swamped with work.

With that, you turned your phone off and bit your nails as you boarded the plane. After a few too many failed attempts to plan a trip much like this, it was finally happening and George had no idea.

His sister was at the waiting gates, dancing in place with her arms outstretched. She jumped into a hug and laughed over how exciting this whole thing was. She was so pretty, with eyes that matched her brothers and a heart just as warm as his.

"Let's be off then, we've got to hide you away!" She laughed, taking your suitcase and throwing it in her car. You'd hardly processed the fact that you were finally in London, far more excited for the prospect of seeing George very soon.

On the ride, you chatted about tomorrow and how George seemed none the wiser. His sister invited him round for dinner, a usual celebration he wouldn't second guess. He'd never expect to show up to you.

You thanked his sister for being so accommodating and excited to help with your plan to surprise George. She was thrilled to have finally met you and said so all the way to her flat.

When you arrived, her very happy dog Lola leaped up to lick you, your second warm welcome of the day. Your host ordered take away and left you to settle in as she dashed into the shower for the night. You relaxed in the spare room, propping your suitcase in the corner and settling on the twin bed.

You finally turned your phone back on to find a missed text from George, checking in on you sometime earlier in the day. You took the moment alone to ring him, somehow missing him more even though he was (unknowingly) closer than before.

"Sorry I've been away, love. How are you?" You sighed, relishing the quiet space.

"S'alright darling, I know you've been working a lot," George assured right away. "How was it today?" He asked.

"Uh, good, yeah good." You fumbled, unable to lie to him but still trying to cling to your anonymity. "How was your day?" You shifted the subject, knowing all your awkward nerves would soon be worth it.

George rambled about meeting up with some friends who insisted on taking him for birthday drinks. He mentioned being lucky to have people in his life who cared so much for him, and who he cared for just as well.

"And my sister's invited me round for dinner tomorrow. Her idea of celebration has always been centered around food." He laughed and you do too, but only because he's clearly oblivious.

"I do wish I was with you, though." George's voice grew somber over the phone and your heart ached and sped up all at once. You hated how sad he sounded as he talked about missing you, but still, he wouldn't have to for long.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Ah, your take away had arrived, and Lola was just as excited to greet the delivery person. Her barks echoed through the hall as you shot up from your slump on the bed.

"Was that a dog? Where are you?" George asked curiously, increasing your heart rate by a million. His sister was still in the bathroom, and the impatient delivery person had rung the doorbell again.

"I'll call you back." You panicked, hanging up the phone in a rush as you hurried to answer the door and the dog. The kid on the porch seemed annoyed to have waited so long. You took the bags of food from his grasp, pressing your back to the door after it shut.

"You almost gave us away, Lola." You nodded toward the little dog who cocked her head to the side as she eyed to take away.

When it was your turn to wash up, you were afraid to call George back, even in the quiet tucked away room. You just had a silly feeling that he'd surely figure you out, if you did. So, you opted to text George not to worry, that you'd talk with him tomorrow. Which was so much more than true.

You joined his sister in the living room, where she'd set up your dinner, proper slumber party style, leaving some sitcom on mute in the background while you talked for hours on end. You told her how Lola almost ruined your perfect plan and she laughed through a bevy of examples of times George was too daft to see what was right in front of him. And while you traded secrets and stories and split bits of dinner, you'd nearly forgotten how excited you'd been to surprise George. His sister's company was so familiar and fun, you joked about calling the whole plan off and spending the rest of the weekend laughing together.

But the morning came quickly. You fought off jet lag through bouts of excitement as you helped George's sister make a birthday cake from scratch. She begged you to tell her the story of how you'd met her brother.

"He's told me a dozen times but I want to hear your side of the story." She laughed, warming your heart. You'd been a bit nervous to make a valuable first impression when you'd first landed in the sweet girl's home, but it didn't take you long to realize George had already done that for you. He seemed to have told his sibling all about you, and she seemed to really care.

When the afternoon rolled closer to the time George had been invited over, every minute passed like an hour. You started to feel bad for keeping your phone turned off. What if he thought you forgot his birthday? Oh well, you figured, the wait was totally worth it.

"God where is he?" His sister complained, turning off the oven that had been keeping dinner warm.

"Fashionably late." You laughed stretching from where you'd been relaxed at the table over cups of tea.

"He does spend too much time choosing what to wear. Always has." She shrugged, accepting her realization.

When the fateful knock on the door came, you were just applying a fresh coat of lip gloss in the vanity of the guest room.

"He's here!" Your host rounded the corner, clutching the doorway with a wicked grin.

You beamed up to the girl, setting down your lipgloss and hurrying to trade places. Last night after dinner had been eaten and you couldn't stop giggling, the two of you planned out just how to handle this moment.

You waited in the doorway, listening to the front door open in the distance.

"Happy birthday!" George's sister greeted from far off. It was finally happening!

"Thank you, kid," George responded sweetly, the sound of his muffled voice like music to your ears. You listened as his sister went on...

"Everything is ready, I figured we could set up the garden table since it's so warm out."

"Shall I help?" George asked, polite as ever.

"Of course. Uh, go fetch my Bluetooth speaker from the spare room?" His sister was so good at making it sound like a passing thought. You glanced at the little blue speaker on the nightstand and bit your lip in a smile as footsteps grew closer your way. You leaned against the doorway as Lola approached, proudly leading the way like she was in on the surprise too.

When George finally rounded the corner, you resisted jumping in his arms to see the look on his face.

"I know it's your birthday but it is rude to be so late, you know?"

George stalled, big blue saucer eyes darting across your figure like he couldn't believe you were real. Your smile grew as his eye pierced into yours again, just before he reached out to wrap you in the best hug you'd ever had. His hands pressed you against him as your wrapped your arms around his neck, laughing into his shoulder.

"You're here!" George excitedly rang into your hair. He stressed each word as if to ask how and when you'd managed to pull this over on him.

"And now, so are you!" You chuckled as you pulled away from your embrace to get a good look at the guy you'd come all this way to see. You placed a hand on the side of his soft face as his eyes stayed wide and grew a little glossy.

"Happy birthday, love." You cooed, searching his sparkling eyes and leaning in to press your lips against his. His hands remained splayed around your waist, holding you close as he returned the soft kiss.

After a few sweet pecks, George lowered his head into the crook of you next, slinking his arms around you to hold you close once more.

Through some quiet mewls and sniffles, George rambled about how much he loved you and how he couldn't believe you were here and how glad he was for it. You smiled at him, soaking up every babble and the sight of him before you.

"Come on ya big softie, it's dinner time." Your fingers intertwined with George's as you pulled him down the hall and into the back garden where his sister had set up the patio table with a cloth and pretty patterned plates.

"Where's my speaker?" She demanded to know through a laugh, resting a plate of warm food down.

You spun in your heels with a giggle and hurried to retrieve the forgotten device, even after all your careful planning.

"Now it's a party." George's sister declared, taking her speaker from your grasp and propping it on a nearby box of flowers. After giving Geoge the mission to play his favorite songs, she poured wine for each of you saving her own glass for last.

"Guys, I don't know what to say... thank you." George cast his eyes across the table and reached out to grab your hand in his once more, giving you that same dazzling glance you'd fallen for long ago.

Some soft pop tunes crackled through the tiny speaker in the corner, and the sun was warm on your back. As you sat and started to eat the warm expertly cooked meal, after you gushed over the taste, George demanded to know every detail of the plan you'd pulled off. You told him how you thought it up but you owed a big portion of the smooth sailing to his sister who went out of her way to help you.

George admired his sister's selfless act of kindness as you stood to pour everyone some more wine.

"Yeah well I don't know how to break it to you, but she's living with me now. You can visit on weekends though I suppose." His sister joked, tossing you a playful wink.

"Yeah, nice try." George reached over to you and pulled you into his lap, keeping you close.

"First my dog, now this." His sister feigned offense, glancing at Lola happily curled under George's feet. The pup had been hot on his trail all night long.

"It is his birthday, after all." You reminded, throwing an arm over George's shoulder, happy to have settled so close after far too long away.

"Oh, that's right." His sister stood with an excitable grin, scurrying off to go get the cake you'd made this morning.

"I'm so glad you're here." George sighed, his hands holding you in place against him, there was no place you'd rather have been.

"Did you get everything you wanted for your big day?" You asked George, who hadn't spoken of a parcel or present besides all the good company he'd been glad to keep.

"Ask me again, tonight." George gazed up at you with a smile that grew when you shook your head with a laugh.

"It has been lovely to stay with your sister but I can't wait to go home with you."

George always called your place home, when he was there. But you realized now, it had nothing to do with location. George was your home. And you were his.

And as beautiful as London has so far seemed, you planned to stay in this visit, with the guy you came all the way to see; who was glad as always, to see you too.

───※ ·❆· ※───

#george mackay #george mackay x reader #george mackay imagine #george mackay fanfic

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killian-whump · 3 years

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OH NO I SENT IT ON ANON, THE ZANY PERSON DIDNT SEND THE OTHER SJHFHSHF I sent one saying if my other ask didn't send on anon not to post it but IT WAS on anon, I'm not the zippy zany person omg...the drama I cause omg I need to go goodnight 😂😂

LMAO NO NO NO IT WAS ME

It was a comedy of errors!!!

So... Nonny sent me an ask, see, but then @zippidyzany sent me an ask OFF of anon, but then Nonny worried they'd not clicked anon and sent me an ask asking me not to post their ask if they didn't post anon, and I panicked and immediately ran to delete zippidyzany's ask that I'd just posted, but then I realized that wasn't the ask Nonny meant, and Nonny saw me delete zippidyzany's ask and now everything's all kerfluffled and we're all flailing around like Kermit on a bad trip, lol

so, um... @zippidyzany I answered your ask and it was really sweet and I love you so much and seeing you on the tumblrs always makes me smile and thank you so much for the ask and I'm sorry I deleted it and my response to it but I thought I was saving you from a land mine and dived right on that sucker!!! So, um, that counts for something, right...? Umm...? I love you! 💗

And Nonny, I love you, too! 💗

#hahaha #omg #what have we done

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geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde · 3 years

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Do you ever just get flashbacks to useless elementary school stuff. Like watching the sound of music in like 30min intervals over a month. Or having to play hot cross buns on a plastic recorder, and then throwing it at a bee instead. Also being put in ESL because they were mad about my kiwi accent and assumed I was a dumbass because i wasnt American. Sitting in ESL with kids that dont speak English and making paper snowmen? Why? Fever dream, all of it.

I DO get those flashbacks! I hate them with a passion.

We had really relatable experiences up until the ESL bit lol. I’m gonna include your follow up ask here:

* I may have been put in ESL because I ran away to recess with all the other kids when I was supposed to be taking some sort of test. The lady said come back after and I never did

Thanks for the ask, Nonnie and I’m sorry your elementary experiences still haunt you.

Anonymously tell me secrets!

#Anonymous

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southsidestory · 4 years

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you have bipolar disorder? how did you get to that conclusion? did you go to a doctor? i don’t want to self diagnose but i’ve read up on it a lot and it seems like my grandfather, father, and i have it. its made life super difficult. I even stopped writing ff bc when i posted, people wouldn’t understand how depressive episode make you not want to do anything for literal months at a time and would berate me for not updating 1/2

2/2 and my family is Mexican so they believe that mental illness is an American Thing, so i cant really go to them for help, and i wouldn’t even know where to begin with a doctor. what was your experience with it?

I did go to a psychiatrist, yes, but I had been experiencing symptoms since I was 12. I was 26 when I was finally correctly diagnosed. Before that I’d been misdiagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder) and put on a cocktail of meds that mostly made me worse. Being correctly diagnosed is hugely important, and I highly recommend that someone see a psychiatrist rather than self diagnosing.

But. Not everyone has the privilege of easy access to a psychiatrist, and it sounds like you’re in that category. And I can say from personal experience that I knew I was bipolar before I was diagnosed, because it runs in my family and my symptoms were astoundingly obvious by that point. Since you asked, I’ll tell you about my experience.

As I said, I started experiencing bipolar symptoms when I was a kid. I also have PTSD and GAD, and my anxiety has been with me all my life, but my depression started when I was 12. A nurse practitioner put me on the antidepressant Lexapro, which made me worse--because antidepressants don’t work for bipolar people. Our brains aren’t wired for it. So I quit taking Lexapro and didn’t attempt to treat my mental illness with medicine for the next ten years.

I also started having hypomanic episodes as a young teenager, but I didn’t recognize them for what they were. I wouldn’t sleep for days and I’d be highly productive and feel great, so why would I complain about that or think it’s a problem? But the longer I went untreated the more severe my episodes became and the longer they lasted, and by the time I hit my 20s I was in a really bad place. Depressed 85% of the time, hypomanic 10% (although I didn’t know that’s what it was), and “normal” about 5%. My depressive episodes often lasted for months at a time, briefly broken by a week or two of hypomania, after which I’d plummet right back into depression.

I went to a psychiatric nurse practitioner when I was 22. He assumed I was depressed and put me on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds. That mostly made me worse. The only thing that ever really worked was Abilify, which is an atypical antipsychotic shockingly used to treat bipolar disorder. That really should have been a fucking clue, but I went improperly diagnosed for another four years.

Being on a cocktail of the wrong meds made me worse, which led me to stop taking my meds cold turkey, which is always a bad idea. In April 2016 I had a horrible mixed episode, although I didn’t understand what it was then. For those who don’t know, a mixed episode is when someone is manic and depressed at the same time, and it’s pure hell. During my episode, I broke up with my partner right before our first wedding anniversary, quit my job, and almost committed suicide. (Then I moved back home and my mom promptly died, but that’s a whole ‘nother can of worms.)

Fortunately my partner and I got back together, and they helped me figure out what was going on. They’re also bipolar, but unlike me they were diagnosed as a kid, and our symptoms presented differently so that’s probably why neither of us saw it for a long time.

I finally saw a psychiatrist at the beginning of 2017, and I went in already knowing what I was going to hear. My mom had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder a couple of years before she died, so I knew it ran in my family. My symptoms had worsened significantly and my hypomania had finally become so distinct and unhealthy that it couldn’t be overlooked anymore.

None of my previous health care providers had ever asked me, “What do you feel like when you’re at your happiest?” If they had, it would have probably been obvious that I suffer from bipolar disorder, not unipolar depression. Because my “happiest” looks like extreme periods of creative productivity, days or weeks of insomnia, and some very bad decision making lol. Usually followed by a crash landing back into depression.

So I guess that’s my question for you. What do you feel like when you’re at your happiest? If your “up” periods sound like hypomania or mania, which I’m sure you’ve read about, then yeah there’s a good chance you’re bipolar. :/

And if you are bipolar, I cannot stress enough how important it is to get proper medication. I don’t want to scare you, but something like 20% of bipolar people die from committing suicide. And those are just the successful ones; the number who attempt, sometimes multiple times, is much higher. This is an extremely dangerous, disabling, potentially deadly illness. Although you can learn helpful coping strategies in therapy, and a good support system is also very important, the #1 thing you need to treat bipolar disorder is medication. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain that, for 99% of us, cannot be effectively managed without mood stabilizers and/or antipsychotics. Every bipolar person I know (my mom, my aunt, my partner, and one of my friends) didn’t get better until they were on meds, and it was the same for me.

All this to say, if you suspect you’re bipolar, I encourage you to do every single thing in your power to get to a psychiatrist. I’d like to say your family might come around, but if you say they believe mental illness is an “American Thing” then I believe you. In which case, you need to advocate for yourself now and worry about their opinions later. Assuming you’re an adult, which I’m *really* hoping you are. If you’re a minor, that makes this much harder.

When you say you’re Mexican, I don’t know if you mean you’re living in Mexico or living in the US. If Mexico, I can’t point you toward resources, but if you happen to live in the US, most major cities have FQHCs (federally qualified health centers), which are aimed at serving poor people, and many of which provide mental health care services.

If you do have access to a psychiatrist, I can give you some pointers on what to do before your first appointment. I went into mine with a list of symptoms and how long I’d been experiencing them, family history of mental illness, previous medication regimens, and a summary of my trauma. When I handed it over to my psychiatrist she was like “Well it’s quite clear that you’re bipolar. I’m sorry you’ve been misdiagnosed for so long.”

If you’re comfortable DMing me, please feel free. Regardless, I hate to hear that you’re struggling, but I do want you to know that things can get better. I honestly feel like I lost the years between age 12 and 26, because I spent them so miserable, but since getting properly medicated my life has turned around completely. I want to see that happen for you too, nonny.

#asks #bipolar disorder #mental illness #actually bipolar #Anonymous

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