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#I did this on the bus so I kinda rushed it lol

cemeterything · 1 year

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we want to know about your near death experiences, please tell us of your near death experiences

erm. gonna put them under a cut in case it's too much for anyone lol (since it's kinda personal, i'm not going to pull my punches in describing how i felt, and i know not everyone's comfortable with discussions of death and near-death)

- took nearly 3 days to be born because my mom refused a cesarean and was nearly a month premature. don't know if this one counts because i was a baby but apparently they were pretty worried about my chances of survival towards the end and when i was born i was sickly and in a lot of pain for months.

- fell down the stairs multiple times when i was a kid, suffered several concussions and fractures and developed vertigo that gave me a phobia of heights i eventually grew out of. again not sure if this counts since i barely remember it but i do remember the feeling of cracking my head once and boy it's not fun. it's like cracking an egg but the egg is your skull. also remember having a lot of dreams of jumping off the top of the stairs and my consciousness separating from my body and watching it fall because of this.

- nearly drowned because i swam too far out to sea on holiday and got caught up in a massive tidal wave (it was the baltic sea in poland, on a very windy day, and i was 8 years old and an idiot). i'd just accepted that i was going to die stuck in this current i couldn't escape and given up on being afraid, embracing the cold dark tidal embrace of death, when the wave very gently set me down in the shallows and i was so at peace that i almost forgot to sit up and breathe. left a big impression in me. i did not tell my parents what happened because i was okay with it and didn't want to upset them or deal with them fussing over me or giving me hell for taking stupid risks when i didn't need it.

- got hit by a car on my bike and flipped over the hood. was fine except for bruises and scrapes but while in the air briefly freaked out and thought i could see a halo of fire around the driver's head (probably the sun shining through the rear window).

- nearly died of dehydration while infected with a very nasty bout of flu that kept me in bed for 2 months straight. i passed out on the floor of my kitchen while trying to lift a cup to pour myself a drink and would have probably at the very least ended up with severe complications if my cat hadn't wailed over my body until my mom woke up and found me lying there. while passed out i had this horrible nightmare that i was god reincarnated in a mortal body and got really upset because i didn't want to be responsible for the entirety of humanity because it was too much and i was only 15. was extremely relieved when my mom revived me and explained that i was just really fucking sick. ended up in hospital with an iv in my arm to prevent my body from shutting down on itself until the flu burned out enough for my own organs to stop fighting me.

- tombstoned off the lighthouse in the bay with some sort of friends and very fucking narrowly missed a shelf of rock that would have shattered me to pieces if i hadn't twisted out of the way moments earlier. as it rushed towards me i very much saw my life up to that point flash before my eyes and was really disappointed by how little i'd done with it. didn't actually do much about it for a while though because i was a depressed unmedicated teenager in a bad living situation. pretty sure that kid would be amazed by how far i've come since then though.

- pretty sure i only survived a bus crash because moments before it happened i felt this urge to stand up and did. if i hadn't my head would have gone through this metal bar on top of the seats and my neck probably would have been broken.

- got lost in a woodland area by google maps once and got so dehydrated from the heat and blood loss (due to trying to cut through thorn bushes when i got desperate enough to get scared) that i started hallucinating this shimmery figure i couldn't look at directly following me and chasing me every time i started to give up (somehow i just knew that letting them touch me would be very bad, but they didn't feel malevolent? i was scared but i didn't get the impression that they wanted to hurt me, just that it would be a consequence of letting them touch me). got rescued because i screamed so loud that some passing hikers heard and went in and pulled me out of there. again not sure if this one counts as near death but i was wandering in there for hours and felt like i was going to die.

#death #injury #unreality #<- for discussion of hallucinations #drowning mention #car crash mention #might delete this idk if im comfortable with sharing it but we shall see lol

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lunawings · 1 month

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So. Guess where I was tonight.

Oh man what a DISASTER.

Well the show was probably fine but listen. OK LISTEN.

For the past two Miku Expo shows at least, they announced the day before that they were unable to do merch in a tent outside from 2 like they did at other venues, and would be doing it inside from 6.

Except like. Only VIP get in at 6. Everyone else gets in at 7. That means, if you're not VIP, the best you could hope for is to get in right at 7, an hour late, and you would have to line up hours earlier just for that chance. And if you didn't line up hours early, you're just SOL because the show starts at 8.

So, longtime followers of this blog will know that the merch line is a big part of any idol concert to me. But, somewhat regretting my experience in the merch line at Koushien, and learning of the situation above, I decided not to deal with it. Heck, I even made plans beforehand to keep myself from lining up.

I lined up anyway. Only a little early though, because my brain kept nagging and NAGGING ME. You always do merch Luna. Always. You'll regret it. YOU'LL REGRET IT.

So as soon as we got in though, everyone rushed to the lobby to find... the merch was behind us and down the stairs. And the crowd was already basically too thick to go back. WELP.

But it turns out, I did not regret it. Because I learned penlights sold out BEFORE THEY OPENED THE DOORS FOR GENERAL ADMISSION ANYWAY.

That was the one thing I really wanted the most. And I had no chance of getting it, even if I lined up hours earlier as originally planned. So. Actually. I did not regret it.

Except.

THIS WAS SUCH BS.

Merch should not be VIP only in my opinion!! I mean they ALREADY get a special gift bag as it is!?

AND ANOTHER THING

Most people at Japanese idol concerts use two penlights, right? Well, even for the people who could buy one at the venue, it was limited to one per person. And they sold out so quickly online. So, actually being at this show with two official penlights would be nearly impossible unless you had some from previous shows. Which would be fine EXCEPT

THEY TECHNICALLY REQUIRE YOU TO USE ONLY OFFICIAL PENLIGHTS

This was written on the website and announced before the show.

HOW???????

I said screw it and used the generic ones I had programmed for Kinpri cheering. (Miku green was my Taiga green sorryyyy.) I didn't get kicked out or anything but OHHHHHH that made me mad.

I WOULD HAVE USED OFFICIAL ONES

IF YOU HAD LET ME!!?!!?!!

So yeah. The show. I only had two major complaints about the show.

Honestly, I don't know that much Vocaloid music. It's just that like, I only have so many chances to go to Japanese idol concerts nowadays and I'll be damned if I'll miss any of them. So I can't comment on the setlist, but other people seemed to enjoy it.

I was in the orchestra pit which I wanted so I could be in the action. Except.

I just found myself thinking like...... if you really HAVE to use a TV instead of a hologram. Then like. Why not raise it. Just a liiiittle bit. So the shorter people in the orchestra pit can see???

I mean, it didn't really look to me like the characters were really on stage. They tried their best to hide it, but it was obviously a TV. So what's the difference!? Why not put it where everyone can see lol....

My other complaint, and I am surprised I didn't hear anyone else complaining about this... it was super short. Like less than two hours!? One of the shortest concerts I've ever been to. I was kinda pissed looking at the time afterward because I was already committed to staying overnight when I could have made the last bus. Ugh.

But despite all that, I did have fun. Aside from the merch disaster, it felt like a typical Japanese idol concert and I enjoyed bopping along with the music, cheering, screaming, having a good time with Miku.

Miku miku ooo eee ooo.

#hatsune miku #miku expo

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hikaruhoshina · 1 year

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Ok so my big long rambley thoughts about Tokyo Mew Mew New after the finale because I’m very autistic about Tokyo Mew Mew lol

Originally I was worried about a reboot that seemed like it’d stick close to the manga because while I do like the manga I feel like it felt quite rushed especially in character development compared to the 2002 anime but I think TMMN improved on the manga a lot since it changed things from the manga to develop the characters more (but I do think the og anime is still the best adaptation)

The transformations and music aren’t as good as the og imo but I still liked the New ones (Pudding’s with the little monkeys is cute) and I liked that there was some anime original stuff and that we saw a bit more of the aliens past, culture and what the other aliens looked like. Though, since they did more anime original stuff I wish they’d had discussed more on how Mew Aqua came to be and who exactly Deep Blue is and how he came to exist.

There was some things in the manga I wish it adhered to like the boat party outfits (they were so cute and fit their personalities in the manga and I liked their hairstyles)

the Strawbell Bell Version Up design (I loved the big candy like wings and I’m not a big fan of the wand design 😭)

Ichigo’s wedding dress design (The original in the manga was so cute especially since it was designed by a kid who won a contest. Having it in the New anime would’ve been a cute call back 😭) Her party dress in New is cute but kinda plain.

Ichigo dying and Aoyama reviving her (I know they reversed it in New but I always found it an emotional scene I really loved), Mint’s love for ballet wasn’t really a big thing despite how important it was to her in the manga and 2002 anime and Berry’s cameo (I am so sad she didn’t cameo, I was so excited 😭) There’s others I probs forgot too

I did like how we got Lettuce confessing to Ryou because I’ve been a big shipper of them since I was a kid lol but I’m kinda sad they didn’t end up together and there seemed to be more Pie x Lettuce moments in the finale 😔. But I liked the epilogue bit showing how everyone got on especially seeing the Aliens working to help their planet and how Tart came to visit Bu-ling’s family lol

Also a bit of a nitpick and I don’t think it’s the fault of the subtitler since I think she said it was out of her hands but it’s a shame the official English subs had her change Bu-Ling’s name to Purin in season 2 and Quiche had to be Kish. Also that the songs in S2 didn’t get subbed and TMMN didn’t get a dub 😭

Also I liked that Zakuro and Mint got a lot more gay scenes lol but I would’ve liked it New had expanded on Zakuro’s relationship with her family like the og anime hinted (also one thing the og anime has the makes it superior to New is the Zakuro punching Quiche scene lol)

Anyway, this was very rambley but I hope we get animated Berry and Re-Turn and Ringo at some point (but I’m not 100% confident we’ll get Ringo at any point lol 😭)

#shadows thoughts #tmm #tokyo mew mew #tmmn spoilers #tokyo mew mew new spoilers #Tokyo mew mew new #long post

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saffron0v0 · 11 months

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How did you discover your love for TanAoi? I can't remember how I exactly fell in love with InoNezu, so can you remember your OTP calling?

Okay so I first started watching kny last year, it was amazing, but I'm the type of person who'd try to figure out who will end up with who while watching. I like action but I love romance even more if yk what I mean 😁😁.

At first I loved all the Canon ships because I didn't read too much into it, but when I looked closer, I realized how rushed and mid (mid doesn't mean bad, it's just average) tankana actually is. It has very little build up and then people say things like "he saved her from muzan's attack!" hunny any sane person, especially tanjiro, would jump in to help a friend, that's not romantic. "she jumped in to give him the antidote, she knew she could die and go fully blind!" same thing as the last answer. God I'm sorry if this sounds like hate it's not! I'm just adding proof to my argument. I'm apologizing to keep any hardcore tankana shippers and kanao stans in check, they can become pretty aggressive. Especially to any fanart of a roleswap au of aoi as kanao.

We're going off topic! I kinda ranted sorry, anyyyyywaaaayssss.

I then saw tanaoi fanart then realization hit me like a bus. They are perfect!! They have a good amount of scenes together and stuff, he literally said he'd think of her and that she's a part of him, LIKE HOW CAN HE BE SO CHILL WHEN HE SAYS THAT? I'M GENUINELY CONFUSED ON HOW AOI DIDN'T BLUSH AT ALL AT THAT. She was probably internally screaming though lol. The more I saw fanarts the more I got immersed in the ship and it slowly but surely became my favorite.

After a while, I got more into rare pairs and realized I liked giyuumitsu, inonezu, zenkana, zenaoi and renmitsu alot too! The lack of content is killing me inside though.

So, my calling was just the realization that tankana just wasn't all that great and that aoi would've been a great partner for tanjiro. No hate I think all ships are great!

(except for a certain few)

Hope this was a satisfactory answer! I wasn't at home so I had to wait till I got home to answer.

#tanjiro kamado #aoi kanzaki #kimetsu no yaiba #rare ship #Mention of giyuumitsu and renmitsu #I love rare pairs

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spiderking-of-queens · 2 years

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Chapter Eleven: Welcome to Starcourt

Summary: You learn some disheartening news about Eddie, and when you go to Steve for advice, you find his new coworker Robin instead. (Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader, 2.2k words)

Warnings: Mentions of eating.

A/N: Okay, this is also about Eddie, but I also had to introduce the reader to Robin since we’re now entering season 3 territory. She deserves her own chapter lol.

Tags: @blackbirddaredevil23

Masterlist

June 14th, 1985

After graduation, you and Steve each got the jobs you were planning to get at the new mall. When your shifts aligned, Steve offered to drive you to and from work, but on days where you didn’t have to go in between Melvald’s and Starcourt, you took the bus. Your parents were generous enough not to kick you out of their house, but you weren’t on speaking terms and you certainly didn’t feel comfortable asking to borrow their car. You kept it in the back of your mind that the most likely reason they were actually letting you stay was so they could keep tabs on you. If you asked to borrow the car, then they would always know where you were. You couldn’t have that.

This particular Friday morning, Steve was able to drive you to work and you spent your entire day at the theater. It was pretty dead until the evening when it got so crowded that you started to get a migraine from how fast you had to move to keep up. When the initial rush subsided and most everyone was seated in their theaters, you took a moment to sit and sketch as you rubbed your temples. Your peace was short-lived, however, when you felt the figure of another customer approach your booth. You sighed and began your spiel without stopping your drawing.

“Hi, welcome to…”

You trailed off abruptly when you looked up to see a familiar face. It almost felt like you were seeing a ghost.

“Eddie.”

“Y/N. Hey. Did you quit your job at Melvald’s?”

“Uh, no. Just took this one on to make some extra cash. Don’t tell Mr. Melvald, though. The mall is kinda driving away all of his business. Not that you… talk to Mr. Melvald ever.”

“Actually, I have a hot date with him tonight, but don’t worry. I’ll be sure not to bring it up.”

You smiled politely at his joke, but couldn’t get past the confusion of seeing him again.

“Right. Well, uh, what movie are you planning to see?”

“The Stuff.”

“Interesting choice. You know it started, like, fifteen minutes ago, right?”

“Yeah, I know. I’m never on time for anything. It’s fine, though. I’m still waiting for somebody.”

You raised an eyebrow at this just as you were about to print his ticket.

“So… two tickets?”

“Yeah. Two.”

You nodded and looked back down to print his two tickets. You hoped to god he was only waiting for Wayne or one of his friends from Corroded Coffin.

“You… okay?” He asked, picking up on your attitude change.

You cleared your throat, trying to buy yourself time to think of another explanation. Then you realized there was still the mystery of why you hadn’t seen him at graduation.

“Yeah. I’m sorry. I’m just surprised to see you, I guess. I just assumed… that you would leave town after graduation.”

“Oh,” He chuckled sadly, looking down at the floor. “You’re right, I probably would have if I could. Uh, funny story, though. I didn’t actually… graduate. Again.”

You were shocked by the news, but tried to hide it. You could tell he felt ashamed by this.

“Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s okay, it’s my fault. Maybe next year, though, right? Third time’s the charm and all that.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” You said with a reassuring smile.

He smiled back, and then the two of you had your attention taken away from each other when someone came bounding in through the front of the theater.

“Hey, Eds! Sorry I’m late. Did you get our tickets yet?”

It was a girl. A pretty girl. Your heart dropped.

“It’s okay, I just got here, too. I’m getting the tickets now.”

They turned to you as you were still frozen in shock, then you shook your head to free your mind from your internal torment and handed over the tickets to Eddie silently.

“Thanks,” He said in response, and handed you some cash in exchange.

“Eddie, you don’t have to pay for me,” The girl tried to protest.

“I insist. My treat. You didn’t wanna see this movie, anyways.”

“Aw, you’re cute. Thank you,” She cooed and planted a kiss on his cheek.

You looked away quickly but the damage had been done. Your face burned red from the warring emotions inside yourself, and Eddie noticed.

“Uh, hey, this is Y/N by the way,” He said nervously, gesturing to you. He was trying to be polite. “We went to high school together. Y/N, this is Jo.”

“Nice to meet you,” You said quietly.

“You, too,” She replied cheerily. “Hey, tell me, what’s he like at school? I’m dying to know.”

She was nice. It made you hate her more.

“He’s, uh… charismatic. Very charismatic.”

You smiled sadly at Eddie, who smiled back at you with pursed lips.

“She’s just being nice. She really means that I’m a massive dork,” He joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“That sounds more accurate,” Jo giggled, then turned to Eddie. “Hey, we better go before we miss the entire movie.”

“Right. Thanks, Y/N. It was good to see you.”

“Good to see you, too. Hope you guys enjoy the movie.”

“I certainly won’t, but thank you. It was nice to meet you,” Jo replied, linking arms with Eddie and pulling him away towards the theater door.

“Nice to meet you, too,” You mumbled when they had already walked away.

You watched them until they closed the door behind themselves, hoping that Eddie would turn to look at you before he disappeared into the dark theater. He didn’t.

When your shift ended, you hightailed it out of the theater before you would have to face Eddie and Jo again, and made your way to Scoops Ahoy to find Steve. If he really was your romantic guide for the summer, then you were desperate for his advice. When you walked in, though, you didn’t see him. Instead, you found Robin Buckley, someone you had gone to school with but had never actually gotten the opportunity to speak to.

“Hey, Robin, right?” You asked her, unintentionally slamming your hands on the counter in a huff. She eyed you up and down inquisitively.

“Uh, yeah. Y/N, right?”

“Yes. Hi. Is Steve here?”

“He decided to take an unscheduled break and completely abandoned me here. The man is having a serious existential crisis.”

“Great,” You groaned. “That makes two of us, then. Can I just wait here until he gets back? I really need to talk to him.”

“Sure. But only if you buy something.”

“Seriously?” You asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“Fine. I’ll get a strawberry sundae then.”

“Good choice,” She mumbled, then grabbed a bowl to get started making it. After she handed it off to you, she moved the tip jar closer to you not so subtly. “For your consideration.”

You rolled your eyes and put a dollar in the jar.

“Much appreciated,” She said with a smirk, and you walked away to wait for Steve.

You sat in the nearly empty parlor for several minutes as you ate your ice cream sadly, resting your chin in your hand as you watched the melted bits of it slide off of your spoon over and over again. Then Robin sat in front of you abruptly and you straightened in your seat in surprise.

“Okay, you are seriously bumming me out, and clearly Steve is not going to be back for a while, so spill it. What’s wrong with you?”

“You want to hear about my problems?”

“If I can get that look off of your face, then yes. It’s like watching a puppy getting kicked over and over again,” She whined dramatically. “Please, put me out of my misery. I’m begging you.”

“It’s just… some guy. It’s stupid.”

“What did he do to you?” She asked with a groan and an eye roll.

“Nothing. He’s just… on a date with someone who isn’t me. “Jo.” Like she’s straight out of Little Women. You know that was my favorite book as a kid? I would kill to be Jo. Stupid Jo…” You rambled, pushing your ice cream away from you angrily.

Robin sighed and reached across the table to steal the remainder of it, shaking her head at you in disapproval as she ate a spoonful of it.

“You’re right. That is really stupid,” She said with her mouth full.

“Gee, thanks,” You scoffed.

“What? Gimme a break. You are a talented, beautiful woman with a fresh high school diploma. The world is your oyster, and you’re sitting here stuffing your face with ice cream, pouting about some guy that’s too dumb to see that? It’s a tragedy. I’m sick of seeing the women in this town making themselves smaller for complete losers.”

You leaned back in your chair, taken aback by this impassioned speech.

“Wow. Thank you? I didn’t think you’d have such a strong opinion about this.”

“Sorry. That may have been more about my own shit than yours,” She admitted, pushing the ice cream dish back towards you.

“It’s okay. You’re right. I just can’t help it. If you knew him, you’d understand. He’s much better than most of the other guys in this town.”

“I seriously doubt that, but okay,” She mumbled.

“It’s complicated. This is more my fault than his. I just can’t get out of my own way.”

“Well, that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You need to realize how great you are.”

“You don’t even know me,” You snorted.

“I know of you. I know enough to know that you are seriously undervaluing yourself right now.”

She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms matter-of-factly. You raised your eyebrow at her.

“Why are you being so aggressively kind to me?”

“I don’t know. It’s been a weird day. Having to work with Harrington has really thrown me for a loop.”

“He’s not that bad, you know. He’ll surprise you. You’ll see.”

“Well, I am very curious to know how the two of you ended up becoming so close.”

“I would tell you,” You chuckled, “But honestly, I’m not really sure of that myself.”

She nodded, then pursed her lips together as she came to a sudden realization.

“You know, I actually thought you two were a couple until this very moment. Maybe this guy you’re upset over just assumed Steve was your boyfriend, too.”

You almost disagreed with the ridiculousness of this, but the more you thought about it, the more it made sense.

“I… that’s actually a pretty good point. I never thought about it like that.”

“You’re welcome,” She said with a proud smile.

“So… what should I do then?”

“Beats me,” She shrugged, and reached to grab another spoonful of your ice cream. You couldn’t help letting out a boisterous laugh.

“Okay, well… thanks anyways.”

“Look, obviously I’m not good with this relationship stuff. But if you ever need to talk about anything that Steve wouldn’t understand - which I assume is actually most things - then you know where to find me. Just… don’t forget to tip,” She teased. The right side of her mouth was turned up in a half-smile, and you could tell she meant this.

“Thanks. And if you ever need to vent about Steve being an idiot, I’m working at the theater. Stop by anytime.”

“You know I will probably most definitely have to take you up on that.”

“I know,” You snickered. “Best of luck to you.”

You stood up to throw away your ice cream, and Robin pushed in your chairs.

“Should I let Steve know you stopped by?” She asked as you put your jacket on.

“Uh, sure. Thanks. Just tell him I won’t be needing a ride home, though, please. We can keep the romantic drama between the two of us. I think I got what I needed.”

“Really?” She asked, scrunching up her face in confusion.

“Yeah. I don’t know how he could top that pep talk, to be honest. Plus I don’t want to pile onto whatever crisis he’s currently going through.”

“Well, okay. If you’re sure. I’m glad I could be of assistance.”

“You really were. Thanks. I’m glad we finally actually got to meet.”

She seemed flustered by this, but also didn’t seem to disagree.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Well, I’m sure I’ll see you around. Do me a favor? I know it might be difficult, but please try not to be too mean to Steve. Maybe just a little mean to keep him grounded, but not too mean. Promise?”

“Okay,” She chuckled. “Just a little mean. I promise.”

You nodded appreciatively and waved goodbye to her, then left to catch the last bus home. You listened to music on your Walkman the whole way and tried your best not to imagine what Eddie was doing on his date.

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taegularities · 6 months

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You exude the feeling that you give out so much love and don’t receive the same amount of love and care you give out. You have so much love to give and won’t ever stop showing your kindness towards others, but it feels draining as it’s not always given back to you. You may feel discouraged at times and want to isolate and hold onto your love because it’s easier to contain all the love you have than give pieces of yourself for “no reason”

You’re going to find that tenderness and care soon.

There’s going to be a person/people who will value and never make you feel less than and treasure all the love you have to give. It’s a passing feeling and may feel like there’s no end to this constant loneliness, but it won’t last forever. I am sure there’s a bright future for you and if you ever feel like there’s no point in caring so much, just know I love you. I have so much love to give and I want everyone to know that no matter what, my love cannot end and will last for as long as I live.

Love is endless and so is my love for you🫶

ah.. this.. this hit a spot. very hard, too. 🥲 like. how did you even guess jdhdhhsk i'm curious, bc that's something i've been thinking about a lot lately, so.. idk?? :')

i like giving away love bc i believe that kindness will never disappoint. whether you're nice to someone you love or give a compliment to a stranger on a bus, a smile is (most of the time) worth it all. but. god, it's.. draining sometimes. not loving itself, but feeling like you're not enough.

you're so right that i sometimes do feel like i give way more than i receive? and i'm never someone who expects any of it back.. i love bc i love loving.. but lately it's been so obvious and so painful. not (just) here but irl, too, like.. people leave or feel okay hurting me or taking what i give for granted? the reason i blush and tear up when you guys praise my writing or me as a person or tell me you're proud of me or love me or want me here or find me comforting.. is bc i'm not used to it lol (talk about cmi oc's abandonment issues and insecurities :')). and it's hurtful to never hear a thank you or feel like i'm not valued or appreciated, but it's always expected that i'm here?

and i like being there for people.. it means they trust me and find warmth in me. it's why i constantly tell everyone that it's okay to vent (irl and in my inbox) bc feelings are all valid. but.. sometimes i'd love to hear someone ask how i'm doing. or how i'm holding up. or to send love when i vent. i would never ask for it!! i'm absolutely not an "i did smth for u, now do something for me" kinda person!! but i've been feeling so dang alone. and like, the boys are gone and i'm crushed and i've been in an absolute rush and burning out the last few weeks and i sometimes wish someone told me things are going to be okay? or ask me how i'm feeling..? i know so many of you care but.. idk. loneliness sucks lol

i want to love and be kind and give out comfort.. but god, do i crave it sometimes, too. some people say it's easier to just stop putting effort in things, but my literal foundation builds on optimism and hope, so i can't :')

this message might not reach anyone else, and like.. even if no one else reads it, i want to thank you so so much for saying this and verbalising my worth. i appreciate your love so much and i love you so much, too.. really, it feels good to feel like a person sometimes and i hope you know how precious you are, too 🤍

#gonna barf i really hate being vulnerable it makes me so nervous kdhdhsgj #im so sorry for the ramble.. y'all dont have to read it #but god.. the way that's been ghosting in my head for so so long #notes for rid 🌹#anon

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tuiyla · 1 year

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so I was never really on the leighton/tatum train (they were cute and had great chemistry but I always liked the idea of leighton’s endgame love interest being someone who didn’t really come from her world, I guess, whether that’s alicia or a new girl — and I did have a soft spot for leighlicia’s banter) but I also have a lot of issues with how tatum’s character was written off and the pacing. you also brought up such a good point that it makes no sense how the “new” leighton wasn’t a little more empathetic and didn’t try to explain to tatum what she loved about the women’s center - the fact that she discarded her so quickly, paired with the fact that she didn’t return to or even think of her women’s center friends at all until ep9, did make it look like she just suddenly wanted alicia back after that text, which is not what I think the writers were going for lol. I do wonder if you think the 25 min, 10 episode season format is partially to blame, along with the decision to rush through the rest of freshman year? I feel like all the arcs this season, for the other girls too, had the potential to be good, but they were pretty much all rushed - I think the only storyline that really worked for me and felt satisfying/earned was whitney finding her major. I don’t know, I’m sorry to rant, but I’ve found your takes interesting & wanted to say that even as a leighlicia fan who kinda got what she want, I didn’t feel satisfied and tatum’s character did deserve better :(

I really appreciate you Anon because you get what I'm saying. I try to be clear that I don't care all that deeply about who it is Leighton is with and ultimately I just want her to be happy and have a good story behind that. So all my criticisms aren't because I'm a bitter Tatum stan, I just think this wasn't done well.

I wish there was an episode before ep 9 where Leighton mentioned the women's center or it came up in some context where Leighton acted more woke than anyone expected her to and she realized how much she learned from them and that she did miss them. Didn't even have to be an actual episode's storyline maybe just one scene. That would already have made it make more sense, but then on top of that have Tatum dismiss that and make Leighton uncomfortable with how much she's like s1 Leighton. But no, all we had was zero mentions of the women's center and Tatum being nothing but a good supportive understanding reassuring gf. Wtf how am I supposed to be fine with Leighton blowing up at her for one mistake after that? And really my main problem is that this way it seems like Leighton's just talking out of her ass and her development doesn't nearly have adequate weight behind it, therefore feeling empty. I wouldn't have even cared about throwing Tatum under the bus but do it properly.

I think the format is to blame, partially. I've heard it said before and I agree that Sex Lives is a show that would benefit from the more traditional 20-22 episode season structure, or at least 45 minute-hour long episodes. I get it, those minutes are mostly for dramas but there's only so much balancing the show can do between four leads and their pocket universe storylines. Maybe even just 16 episodes of the same length. But also the main issue is that they decided to rush freshman year, and more specifically with Leighton that for some reason they wanted to speedrun what could have been half a season's worth of development in a few scenes. I don't get it, because the other girls were all left on varying degrees of cliffhangers. Maybe at the end of this season we could have had Leighton return to the women's center but have that be an actual milestone instead of a throwaway decision as a result of wanting to see Alicia. Imo it could have had a much bigger impact and then the landing is automatically better. Really just many ways to improve the messy way in which they handled Leighton.

I think Kimberly's was a bit rushed but overall still better paced, and I'd straight up say Bela's arc was just good and well-timed. Which proves to me that they can do it, just maybe not four at the same time idk. Also just from a selfish point of view I'd kill to have longer seasons because I need more day in the life from these girls and I so wish this was a network comedy with a bunch of comfort episodes to just play on a loop.

Anyway, thanks for this Anon, thanks for reading my ramblings and thanks for stopping by. I love it when people actually hear what I'm saying haha. So by all means rant to me any time! TSLOCG is the most passionate I've been about a new show in a while and the more people reach out the less I have to will myself to go in the tags and subsequently block a bunch of people. And yeah I'm happy for your ship and I'm happy for Leighton's happiness but this is what I mean, bad writing makes even one's own ship taste bittersweet. I hope they don't just start season 3 by writing Alicia out immediately but we'll actually see a new dynamic.

#anon #thanks this was nice to read #tslocg asks #tslocg #leighton murray

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sanchoyo · 2 years

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ooo for the ask game 4 and 16 for tmm!

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

1.YES kish/ichigo! the thing is. I GET it, and I don't really care if other people ship it obv (esp since ppl are adults these days in the fandom at large and shipped it as kids, I get that its a nostalgia thing for a lot of ppl, or has an interesting post-canon dynamic?)

what I do hate is that kishigo shippers tend to throw my fav best boy masaya under the bus, or make him wildly ooc, or just generally hate on him. :( thankfully I see that a lot less these days as again a lot of ppl are adults and more mature abt it (and I am generous with the block button for ppl who arent, lmao) but back in the day it was painful and everywhere. like, even if im a masago fan, I LIKE kisshu as a character and find him interesting, and even if I DIDNT u wouldnt see me putting chara hate for him in the main tag! thats tacky! some ppl need to learn character analysis fr because how are they looking at the same characters I am!!!

kishigo just isnt For Me, its a lil icky even putting all of that aside but the way the fans of it acted years ago made it my association with the ship even worse. I dont think ill ever be able to look at it w/out cringing bc of that lol 🤷‍♂️

2....its not exactly a NoTP, but I dont really care for any pai ships I've seen either, but thats just bc I dont super love him as a character (I am so sorry to my sister if she ever sees this, he is her fav tmm boy x_x)

16. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

OHHH this is a hard one. the question specifies 'show' but I'm gonna actually answer for the series as a whole (manga, old show, new show)

I'd probably change the new series to keep the old series' lore about the mew aqua rod being an ancient alien artifact instead of being a masha form (...because this lines up with my fanfiction, no other reason, actually, lol)

2. For the old series, no panty/bust shots. those are awkward and bad, and the new show did better w that, at least imo.

3. make the new show longer. we know its at least getting a season 2, but cmon. give me like 7 seasons. stretch it out, add brand new filler eps with focus on each chara, no need to rush, give us lots of new mew content, don't be shy about merch, either... 👀 and add berry and ringo, too... (in a perfect world, season 3 will be made and feature berry, and ringo would get an OVA or movie situation.)

4. more alien lore!!!! anything. give us crumbs we deserve them (I also really wanted alien redesigns like the girls got tbh! even if I kinda like the old mew designs better, I still wouldve liked to see smth new for the aliens anyway)

5. MORE OUTFITS. always want more Fashione for the gals

Thank u for asking!! ^^

#sanchoyoanswersasks #strawberrysweater #tmm #FUNNILY ENOUGH years ago when i was doing tmm lovechild requests i did make a kishigo lovechild bc a friend of mine requested it #knowing i didnt like the ship bc they knew id do smth wildly diff from the normal ones #and. they were correct i did #she was very funny i should dig up that design again #ship hate #<for blacklist #i didnt put this in the main tmm tag (like spelling out t*kyo M*wm*w) but im still worried #but i do think most kishigoshippers can kinda agree w me these days #that in the old days fans of it were unhinged??#ive got friends who ship it so /shrug

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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Omg any time I have a dream about a crush, they’re always either super sweet to me or really mean lol but in my dream, Colby was kinda mean, but kinda made it up to me in a…extreme way lol. We were in high school for some reason, and I was sitting in the cafeteria with Sam, Colby and Kat. Kat went to the bathroom, and Sam was like “hey (my name), look through Kat’s lunchbox while she’s gone, I’ll record it. It’ll be a funny video.” And I was like, “…okay, I don’t really wanna look through her stuff, but okay.” So I did it, she nothing weird, just her lunch lmao. Then Sam left and it was just me and Colby and I started getting all flustered because I have the biggest crush on him. I start to flirt with him and he’s being nice, but I can’t tell if he likes me back or not. Then this girl sits at the table and she seems to know Colby and Colby get’s very happy when she comes over so I assume he had a thing for her. I then start flirting more with him, and now he seems to be flirting back with me. I hug him, he hugs me (it was the nicest hug🥺), I put my forehead on his and he smiles and it seemed like he genuinely liked me until I caught him trying to stare at the other girl from the corner of his eye, and I was like “oh mh god, you’re just trying to make her jealous, you don’t actually like me.” And as he was trying to say something to me, I rushed out of the cafeteria and went to my room (idk why my room was in the school lmao) and started packing my stuff to leave. Sam and Kat were in the other room and they asked Colby what happened and he said “I’ll tell you later, I have to go apologize to her.” And he came in and I was like “no, I don’t wanna hear it.” And he followed me outside with Sam and Kat and they were trying to comfort me but I just wanted to leave and Colby went “Wait, (my name), I have to ask you something.” So I turned around and he was on one knee with a goddamn engagement ring and asked me to marry him and of course I said yes. We ended up getting married literally that second lmao and there were also other people getting married with us lmao but I have no idea who they were. So, I guess he wasn’t super mean to me, but I thought it was mean that he was acting like he liked me to make his crush jealous. But we ended up getting married anyway🤣🤣it was super bizarre. But I still woke up sad because I was like “How DARE he use me like that” lol.

sksksk that sounds like my dreams

my dreams will make sense to some degree, but aritecturally make no sense. like one time, my house (which isn't even the house i currently live in, but my old house that i grew up in) was connected to a mall, but each mall in the store led into another store in the mall. so it was just one long as building apparently lol

i had a dream of snc and i in high school. it was very weird. they were kinda dicks to me, and we were hanging out in a junkyard, inside a school bus, and i know at one point we went to walmart. it was weird, but also kinda nice in a strange way.

congrats on your engagement lmao

#ask #personal #sam and colby

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txtmetonight · 4 months

Text

Me and My Husband

call summary ⋆ ★ You’ve had your lives' fulfillment of being contempt–or so you think. Because with Choi Beomgyu by your side, you ponder upon the thought a bit more than you should.

pairing *. * Choi Beomgyu x Fem! Reader

genre⋆ ★ Angst, Fluff?

warnings *. * Misogyny, Drinking, Pregnancy, Bad Grammar, Crude grammar

call duration⋆ ★ 5.6k

a/n*. * I know that there are different interpretations of this song so this is mine. Also, I got inspired by the novel Kim-Jiyoung born in 1982. It's such a good book, I def recommend it. And kinda sorry for the end. I suppose I rushed it a bit. Anyways, hope you enjoy lol.

taglist ⋆ ★ @kflixnet//@oreoqueen // @woncheecks//@probably-too-obssessed // @matcha-binz

The Mitski Diaries Masterlist

I steal a few breaths

From the world for a minute

Sigh.

In a working economy, where prices were rising, and work employment was decreasing, you were able to stabilize yourself against the rising tides of the world. An eight-to-four job that consisted of going outdoors to capture the photographs your management team had assigned you to click or either staring at a high-tech screen, a large white cubicle littered with little stickers and important reminders surrounding you.

It was a mediocre job that paid just well enough, but you were contempt. For now, at least. When you were old enough to really know what you wanted to be in the future, you would daydream about meddling in the medical field, and thinking about it further made you conclude that you wanted to take up a profession in psychology.

But sometimes after a dose of too much beer, you wonder how you got to take up photography and you find yourself on the web, wobbly fingers searching up how much medical school costs before you’re thrown back into reality looking at numbers that made you dizzier.

Your father and mother did their best to support you, but it was hard when your mother had your younger brother and house chores plus small work, she took up to make extra cash, and your father had to manage a small convenience store that did particularly well on some days. If someone asked you how your life was before college, you would respond with a monotone “It was alright”.

Because honestly, it was. You shared a room with your grandma until she passed while your younger brother had his own, your school was far away and when it was cold you froze walking there, and your father and mother would fight for a while when he came home drunk. Yet still you lived a happy life, nevertheless.

And over the years you’ve learnt several valuable lessons. First, when going an interview, it’s best to wear the brightest lipstick you’ve ever known, and your hair should be tied up to a high ponytail if you want to increase your chances of being picked, especially in an interview with other women. Though you probably won’t be picked, not when you find out that even a single man was also competing.

Second, a good night of drinking after a long day is nice but don’t overdo it, or the already less pay you get will be cut slack from however many hours you will miss that morning.

And third, the best boy you’ve ever met will be on a class retreat to the mountains for the Badminton club during your college experience.

A club filled with ten other male members and two other female members; served as a stress reliever after exam weeks and piling schoolwork. It was fun playing matches and though most members of the club reasoned that they were slacking off on you because you were new and not because you were a girl, you thoroughly enjoyed it.

The retreat was a plan that was created on a whim, one second you were drinking wine with the girls in one of their dorms, and in the other, all fourteen members including you were on a bus driving up a steep road, playing some old nostalgic songs. Just days before, a new member had joined, and at first, he hadn’t piqued your interest as much, but when he helped you grab your duffel bag from the top, your gaze stayed on his face a bit longer than usual.

Choi Beomgyu was born on March 13, 2001, he had AB blood, he housed a parrot named Toto and he had you wrapped around his finger by the end of the five-day, four-nights trip (which was a bit pricey for a bunch of college students).

And on the last day of the excursion, he had kissed ever-so softly against the walls of the cabin, while everyone else was out at a lake.

And then I'll be nothing forever

And all of my memories

And all of the things I have seen

Will be gone

With my eyes with my body with me

“Sunghoon, was definitely holding an affair with that short girl from section three! Why’d you think they both keep leaving the break room together?”

You strain a smile towards Kazuha and hold back a small exhale, instead focusing on the small strokes of color on your nails. A lilac shade. “I–I suppose? I don’t even know who the short girl is?” And after a second you add, “Nor Sunghoon. I don't even know Sunghoon.” Your heart thrums harder in your chest at the sudden emotional turmoil, that was honestly kind of stupid. But still, you laugh sourly, gazing at the girl through your lashes, her own lips dejectedly turning into a frown.

“I had forgotten you had quit.” She quietly murmurs, taking the brush from your hands to paint your left hand. Her eyes wander over the expanse of your shared room, and they linger too long on a portrait of your husband by your bedside table, eyebrows furrowing at the familiarity of the object.

You refuse to look, not when her face falls as she realizes with a tiny chuckle going back to your hands. It was a brown frame that held a picture that you took of your partner when you both were still dating (now married) and it used to sit near your mousepad, behind your daily cup of coffee, and in the small space you used to be offered.

You and Beomgyu dated for five years, one year in your last years of college and the other four years while you both worked. And all those four years, you’ve kept that same picture of your lover at the same spot, and at the same time on the clock you would stare at his utterly handsome face before being hulled back to work yet again.

It wasn’t a lie that you missed your job, and you spent your time at the kitchen countertop mulling over it, now more than ever as you scroll through your co-workers' feeds and watch them with large, widened eyes as they post the carefully edited photos they had taken or just fun gatherings with their peers.

That night you hold a staring contest with the ceiling of your bedroom, tracing the moving shapes your brain seems to formulate due to the pitch-black gloom. The presence of a warm body keeps you grounded as you wander to the depths of “what ifs”, just toeing that line before stepping back out in fear of a nasty wormhole that would bring you to tears.

“Hey baby, why are you still awake?”

An arm gets thrown over your waist while a voice tears you away just as you start to turn your attention to the blades of the fan above, and you look to your side to see Beomgyu having his eyes shut with his lips dangerously close to your neck.

“I dunno, just thinking. How was work today?” Your question and just for a second you ease into his warmth, preparing yourself for a story time just like how you would when your mom was reading you a fairytale to help you sleep. Beomgyu goes silent for a second and you’re afraid that he’s drifted to sleep but he drowsily murmurs, “It was tiring. Mr. Kang made me do a stack of reports and read a bunch of blah blah blah”

You scrunch your nose at his wording and envelop your fingers with the hand that’s placed on the skin of your stomach. “Is that so? Well, I wish that tomorrow is better, no?” He nods and gives you a small kiss on your cheek, eyelashes tickling your skin when he blinks. “I really hope...you would wish that for me, baby? You're so sweet. Today was probably easy for you, right? I too wish to take a couple of days off”

He jokes before snuggling into you even more and you ponder how well he could cuddle a wooden board...because that’s what you are right now. Stiff as a board. You gulp and clutch his hands tighter to force your eyes to close. Your “job” at home was not easy. You had to make sure that the laundry was done, that the dishes were clean and that Beomgyu got his food on time because he was always grouchy after a long day at work.

Exactly seven months ago, Beomgyu on behalf of you being his wife had told you to quit your job. You suspect that it was because of the pestering you heard over his phone when he doesn’t think you’re nearby, the voices of the people in his life wondering about your duties as a wife. But in his perspective, the job he was asking you to leave had you always complaining and coerced you to be awake until three sometimes. In your eyes it was boring-old work that you cherished, and the same job that you held many heart-felt memories of.

Perhaps that doesn’t matter when you must take care of your husband.

And so, you had taken his decision to leave a resignation letter at your boss's desk just a few days after the talk. Many asked you if it was because you were pregnant, but you just smiled and shook your head, saying that your husband needed you. That day he had taken you out to a fried chicken place with soju on the side as a congratulations party that you were finally broken from your chains. You were finally a free bird.

And the cries that you let out over the spicy chicken were a sign of pure happiness and not the distress that roared instead of your gut.

But now as you lay awake, eyes slowly burning with heavy sleep, you promise yourself just for a night of peaceful sleep that all the things you’ve seen, all the memories you have about “work” will be gone on for your own sake.

Being cooped up in the house, you decided to take a stroll outside after taking a peek at the window. It was a nice sunny day with a soft breeze that made you grab your coat before you headed out the door. Sporting a nice pair of shoes that your husband bought you over the weekend, you watch curiously as the sidewalks bustle with people. Cars honked and the chatter of the TV running bled through the walls nearby you as you strode by. It was a happy day, but the smile on your face doesn’t seem to cooperate as much as you try.

But me and my husband

We're doing better

It's always been just him and me

Together

You try and try, but it twitches and turns, and you force yourself to cover it up as much as possible with your hands and with your gaze downwards. All your life, you’ve tried to reach for the stars and every time you came nowhere close, so how was this one error in your multitudes of malfunctions going to affect you. You know that you’re dented and bruised, and so you’re afraid...afraid of being left behind by Beomgyu as if you’re nothing when it’s just you two together. Because truly, you believe you are, even as much as your lover convinces himself that you’re not...just to make it better for the both of you.

Nonetheless, you realize that it will always be him next to you, holding your hand, whether you like it or not.

The cold wind picks up and you wrap your jacket around you tighter, but that doesn’t do much for the running goosebumps that trail down your arms. A familiar convenience store just down the road practically calls out for you as a shelter to hide from the biting cold, and so you jog through the sidewalk, hands shivering on the door as you open it.

The bell on top rings. The cashier barely even looks up while you walk by, and you slip by past the younger woman to hide near the ramen section of the store. You were always amazed by the number of flavors and companies that this single food item held, the different sizes, colors, and levels of spice were always intriguing when you ran your fingers over the cartons of boxes, which ultimately stopped at a black box.

In bold red colors, a small cup of your favorite ramen looks back at you. You freeze and let out a sigh. Then before you know it, you reason with yourself and snatch the cup into your hands. You used to eat this daily, dead at night with a computer in your lap and the sauce smeared all over your lips as your eyes gleamed distantly with a show played in the background.

While you walked through the aisles, you caught yourself in the reflection of a bright window, eyes widening when you found a younger version of yourself smiling back at the windows. She’s pretty and youthful and smiling like she didn’t have a care in the world. Her face is contorted into an expression of happiness, and you're bewildered when she winks at you.

The wrinkles on your face are practically non-existent on hers while she tilts her head, mouthing words you couldn’t hear. Your feet twitch to run up to the glass, to put your ear against it to hear her better but you don’t. Instead, you gape like a baffled fish. Something wet drips down your cheeks which slowly drips down her’s too.

You wonder why she’s crying so you reach up to your tears to wipe them away from the burning they leave in their way, and you expect her to do the same...except on her side, long fingers that don’t match yours slowly mop them away.

The background behind her which used to be transparent, materializes into something like your old dorm. And right behind her is him with his short brown hair and a sympathetic smile on his face. He croons at her, crouching by her side, slowly patting her head in a soothing manner. And suddenly, you feel as though your own hair is being ruffled, as though you can hear the soft humming and the feeling of warmth pressing into your back.

It’s been a while. It’s been so long since you’ve felt such a comforting touch from him. You’ve fallen into a routine that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. So salty that it leaves you choking on your own saliva each time you try to gulp down your arising tears, in the bathroom. But you love him. You really do. And in the end, it’s just a husband, you suppose. Not your boyfriend. Only your husband.

“That’s not fucking fair Beomgyu!” You scream, hands waving in the air like a madman. A volcano rumbles deep in your heart, aching to be released as if it just bubbles over the top. The man in front of you sucks in his lips, his eyes shaking at your outburst.

If you had sanity in you at that moment, you would’ve stopped at his trembling, or with the thought that the neighbors next door could hear your screeches (the walls were horribly thin). The skin on you reeks of frustration and despair. You don’t cry though. “I–I’ve had a hard day too!” He reasons, stepping closer towards you but stopping abruptly when you drag your foot backward. “

And so? You won’t spend it with me? Do you know how bad these two weeks have been for me? Did you even have a fucking hint?” His voice stills in his throat, choosing to stay silent with wide glossy eyes. He’s never liked to be yelled at; you’ve known that since he got scolded by his teammate in a badminton match and came back to you with a raw nose and ruby eyes that faded out near his pupils.

You furrow your eyebrows, and in a moment of actual hurt that he hasn’t said anything about you, your arms cover your chest. “Of course you didn’t. You never do” You whisper, voice cracking as you turn around to stomp back to your room. The door slams behind you when you collapse to the floor with blubbering sobs. You wail and wail and wail. Fingers itch at your face furiously, not letting a drop spill on the floor.

You don’t hear the door slowly creaking open, nor the soft singing behind you but once you do, your heart stills in its rampage. The silence is loud as a pair of feet pad behind you, nuzzling into your head as his fingers crawl over to your neck, pulling you against his chest. “I don’t have an excuse.” Beomgyu starts off.

“But I promise you, that I’ll do better for you–for us. Because you deserve it more than anyone else. (Y/n), you deserve all the happiness in the world and much better so I’m sorry that you’re stuck by me”

He stops when he feels you shaking your head against him, but that doesn’t deter him too much when he finds the confidence to clean your face with the soft pads of his fingers, his lips now on your neck, just where your pulse beats against his mouth. “But please stay with me.” Beomgyu puffs.

“By your side?” You ask, turning around in his arms when you couldn’t stand it anymore to watch an older version of yourself, crying heartbreakingly so in the reflection of your cerulean lampshade. Such a tragic sight, that you feel as though your guts are being arranged by the never-ending feeling of unexplainable doom. “By my side. Nothing more or nothing less”

You nod and the notion of perturbation and doubt fills the hollow gap of your beating organ–and all you’re hoping is that he’s right.

The way that your mind thinks is quite twisted, you believe. Because you assume that you’re obliged to be Beomgyu’s side forever on–because frankly, it’s just you and him together.

So I bet all I have on that

Furrowed brow

And at least in this lifetime

We're sticking together

Me and my husband

We're sticking together

Your mother-in-law was a pleasant woman with a charming smile and her husband–your father-in-law was a nice man who sported thick glasses during the many novellas he would devour on the couch. The first time you met them two was when it was a time between yours and Beomgyu’s relationship when you both were introducing each other to the other half’s family members and this time it was your husband’s time for a meet and greet at his house.

They invited you inside and took the bouquet of lilies you brought for them, unlatching your hand-locked hold with Beomgyu as they both took a turn to hug you. They were warm and smelled like sugary vanilla, the mother having a hint of spicy red chilies sticking to her clothes.

Immediately she drags you to the kitchen for a bit of assistance while Beomgyu catches up with his dad. You furrow your eyebrows, because Beomgyu didn’t do that at your house when he came over. In fact, you found yourself in the kitchen again that same time. Was he supposed to help as a guest?

At the dining table, they served you rich Jjajangmyeon that you ate a lot though it was salty and ever since then they all assumed that your mothers-in-law's Jjajangmyeon was your favorite dish.

You’re brought back to that memory of the first-day meeting when you find yourself looking back at the black sauce in front of you. The two older adults sit in front of you, one is slurping up his food while the other sits with her hands in her lap followed by dialogue that she was waiting for her only child to start eating. But she tells you to start and so you do, trying to not let the saltiness reside on your tongue too much.

“So (Y/n), when are you and Gyu going to have my grandson?” Soo-Young laughs nudging her husband to follow along too and soon enough you three are all awkwardly chuckling. You push around the noodles before bringing it up to your face. “I’m not sure. I don’t really want to carry a child as of now. I’m happy with Beomgyu just the way it is right now.”

For some reason your voice struggles at the word “happy” but you clear up the crack with a small cough, eyes darting back to your food. “Do you have a problem with your body that you can’t bear a child?”

You’ve expected this very question, but your heart still drops at it.

“I–I don’t. Me and Beomgyu aren’t trying right now” You’re ashamed, but you shouldn’t be. But you can’t help it when both parents don’t look convinced but rather disappointed. Anger flares for a mere moment. You’ve heard what their brothers, sisters, and cousins, have been saying about you both.

And in that very scene, you feel like you’re crumbling against their hard stares. You don’t want to bear a child, you just don’t! It’s too much for you now. Mentally and Physically. “Well, that’s good your body is healthy.” Your father-in-law's face hardens and his wife nods briefly before continuing her onslaught. “I hope you have a boy soon. It would be good for all of us”

She sends you a sweet upturn of her lips before she watches the door for its grand reveal, all while you’re internally panicking. The sweat rolls down your back and you play with the food on your plate.

And I am the idiot with the painted face

In the corner, taking up space

But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

You’re hopeless in situations like this. You never know what to say or what to do, and you’re so fucking pathetic that you can’t help but rely on others–on your husband. So, when Beomgyu bursts in through that door, with a bright smile on his face you feel your body melt and puddle against the chair.

The welcoming nod he sends towards you is just warming enough for you to unclench your jaws and hands. “You’re back” You whisper.... standing up in your chair while you hit your table against the surface of the table. Your husband loosens his tie and places his blue briefcase on the couch before he spares another look at you.

“Careful honey didn’t know that you were this excited to see me” He quips while he rubs his hands, eyes closing when the stomach-growling scent of food slams into his nose. “Oh, Beomgyu how was work today?” His mom asks, leaving you to serve your husband with whatever he pleased at that moment, and he is happy to tell you exactly what he was craving at the dining table. “Not that bad, I didn’t have too much work today.”

He sighs as he places a chaste kiss on your cheek, your eyelashes fluttering at the contact. The hysteria inside you has slightly died and it slowly seeps away as you watch your husband, your hand slithering to his to hold, but his hands move away before you can catch them.

Your smile drops and the feeling intensifies deep inside you.

Beomgyu sends you an eyebrow raise, lips smiling softly when you subtly shake your head towards the front door, and he gets the signal immediately before he immediately starts to chow down his food. Fingers twitching against your thighs, you stand up to distract yourself and head to the kitchen to grab Beomgyu some water.

You don't feel real for a second, honestly as though you were watching a perspective of yourself in a video game. The veins under your skin thrummed with buzzing nervousness as your eyebrows furrow, and you find your hands shaking as you fill up your husband’s glass, but everything is zooming in and out and the world around you is going round and round.

“I–I” You mutter to yourself and before you know it, shards of sharp glass fly everywhere around your feet, bursting into a million diamonds once they touch the ground...and your feet. The soft tissue cracks open at a single deep slice, yet you don’t feel the burning pain where it should be.

Instead, you feel it in your throat where bile threatens to spill into your mouth, in your brain where it pulses erratically, your eyes that flit all over the place and your beating organ that stops for a second and then continues then stops then continues.

Stop. Thump. Stop. Thump. Stop. Thump

“(Y/n)?!” A pair of callous hands step over to your side, and you find yourself face-to-face with your mother-in-law, her face concerned as she leads you out of the mess. “I’m sorry” You whisper, whipping your head towards Beomgyu, who immediately rises from his seat and sprints to the bathroom.’

“Oh gosh, it’s okay” Her eyes dare to flicker to the penetrating wound. You don’t even try. Not when gravity could potentially pull those salty tears down to earth.

It doesn’t take long for Beomgyu to find the first aid kit and bring it back to you, before he wraps his arm around your hand, pulling you up. “Beomgyu? Where are you going?” His mother demands, and you almost croak for them to stop, just leave you alone, but you don’t. Rather, you flop onto your husband’s side as he explains that he is just going to take you outside for a second.

“(Y/n)’s still most likely in shock. Let her breathe some of the fresh air, it will do her good. I read it in an. article sometime back.” You’re not even sure what his mother says after to him but you’re being dragged with your other unharmed foot just right outside the porch, where he makes you sit in one the brown chairs that was placed for decor, and he...and he just sits on the ground, next to your dripping foot.

The smell of rust makes you gag into the crook of your arm, coughing violently as you try to let yourself up. “What’re you doing? Sit back down” He grabs your fleeting arm, looking into your eyes with an unexplainable glint. “Ok” You mumble, and that’s all it took of him for you to obey, gently sitting back into the cushion of the seat.

The silence consumes you whole, and you furrow your eyebrows struggling to breathe. Words that you want to spit out, lodge themselves in your trachea. Below you, Beomgyu carefully tends to your foot with a serious look imprinted on his handsome features.

Drip. Drop.

Eyes shooting up to the ceiling, you ignore your husband’s pointed gaze on you, his working hands wet from the silent waterfall that streams down your face. “Baby...” He whispers, putting his cold hands around you, grazing your cheeks as he pulls you down to earth. You sniffle, wiping away your reddening nose,

“I don’t know if I want to stay here anymore?” You’re not sure why you’re questioning yourself when you knew for sure you itched to leave, every nerve inside burning in aflame in hopes of disappearing. “But why? We just came and you know how long it’s been since we’ve stayed over. Plus, today was the last day before my leave off... I had to drive forty minutes just to get here” He reasons, applying light pressure to your foot to stop the spurting of blood.

Your chest stutters at his words, guilt settling deep in your bones, but your lips don’t stop moving. They talk against your mind’s will.

“I don’t want to have a kid.”

Beomgyu’s still motion makes you sick to your stomach. “I see. Did my parents ask you about it?” He questions softly. “I suppose.” And finally, you find the courage in yourself to stare him in the staring eyes, wary of the slightest flutter of annoyance from him.

Yet he slowly raises his fingers, and pinches your cheek lightly, tugging it side to side while his lips turn full of a small smile. “If you don’t want to have one, that’s ok, love. But...you know that they’re right, we–we’ve been married for a while now. Don’t you want to start a family? I know I do.”

You gasp, reaching for the escaping oxygen, “Bu–but I–”

“You won’t do everything on your own. Just us. Together. I’ll take care of us as a family, treat you well, take more leaves off, um–not go out with my friends as much, I’ll do anything you want.” He leans forward to place a longing kiss on your forehead, and you just close your eyes, chewing your tongue off as it squirms to scream at him.

Your fists tighten to push him off, and your legs ache to run away. Run away as far as you can from this place. But you don’t. You stay sitting in that chair as Beomgyu wipes away your tears, kissing you warmly. He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get the way that you’re going to change permanently forever. Both mind and body.

You may hate your child forever on after this, but you still don’t get a say on whether you want it or not.

“Baby?” Beomgyu pulls back to look at you, giggling at your flushed cheeks, but you don’t find anything amusing. “Yeah?” You mumble, sucking in deep breaths. “We’ll get through it together. I promise.”

‘Together?’ You ponder.

You don’t want to.

Me and my husband

We're doing better

It's always been just him and me

Together

Your whole body aches with unimaginable pain. Everything is on fire, and the wet tears rolling down your eyes do nothing to soothe it. There’s chattering everywhere but it’s going in one ear and out the other, so you hope that the man by your side is listening intently. You blink slowly to the beat of the two hearts just above your rising chest. Small heads tickle your chin, and their soft warm bodies slow down your breathing a little.

“You did so well, love.” You want to make up the happy sniffles that emit next to you, but you can’t because your dear husband is truly crying. Any other time you would’ve made fun of him, poked, and teased him for his weeping but you feel like doing the same. But everything dried up the moment your eyes had first landed on your babies.

Godsend babies.

But, after their first cries hit the world, you imagine yourself as a mere twelve-year-old (or rather any age below twenty-six) left alone with two wailing babies, locked in a very dark room. Though it was important to take note that, your vivid imagination had increased by tenfold through those nine months...so you didn’t think anything of it. Yet those feelings felt very very real, as though they were thriving right under your skin, crawling like little centipedes, sneaking into every crevice and bump under your organs, eyebrows twitching at the torment.

You turn your head to catch the calendar on the plain white wall, and in a red circle, highlights the date.

"February 12th" You tremble as you watch your husband nod furiously, clutching your hand to his face. The red burns into the paper and kept in a trance you wonder...in a few years from now, will those random letters and numbers leave a bitter taste on your tongue, or will the remnants of sweet birthday cake follow instead.

So I bet all I have on that

Furrowed brow

And at least in this lifetime

We're sticking together

If someone asked you how you felt as of right now, you would say “I dunno” in hopes of justifying yourself to your own consciousness. But taking one look at Beomgyu who beams as bright as the sunny sun outside, teeth blinding as ever, you would then change your answer to “Very happy. I am very happy because I have two kids, one of whom is a boy, thank you very much. And the other is a girl and they both, plus me are loved by my lovely husband, who is sticking with me ‘till death do us part.”

You would’ve thrown the last part in as a little joke to hide the dishonesty that would’ve seeped through the very gaps of your teeth. But that doesn't change the fact that it was now officially true. Those two on your chest, breathing with life, had just made it so.

Me and my husband

We're sticking together

“(Y/n) what is this mess?”

The two kids (both turning eight in a month) in your lap scurry away at the sound of their very tired father leaving you to stand there with a cluttered disarray behind you. You sigh. “I’ll clean it up.” Your body throbs as it leaves its place on the couch, not bothering to even watch yourself as you accidentally stumble into Beomgyu. Though you immediately freeze at the familiar odor that excretes from him.

“Have you been drinking again?” You ask, turning around to face the man who just oddly stares at you. Pieces of gray litter his hair, a stubble grows but he still looks handsome as ever, stunning as he was in that damned cabin. “What’s it with you on what I do? You’re not my mom. You’re my wife.”

Aha.

You lean towards him with a comforting pat on his arm, understanding the horrible grief that stirs deep inside him. You wonder if you should let him off the hook this time, his mother, the grandmother of your kids had just passed away a month ago, and his unhealthy habit his just started a week after her passing.

Perhaps you were too nice to him, maybe those small jobs you’ve taken on had made you soft-hearted, but you always fell weak in front of Beomgyu and you realized that earlier on. “It’s ok, love.” You sigh, taking him into a hug, trying not to wince at the sour smell. He doesn’t do much to embrace you, but you don’t mind.

Parting away from him, you offer a weak smile to him.

“Tomorrow is the weekend. Let us get a bigger desk for our daughter since she’s now having the room to herself.”

Me and my husband

We're doing better

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theeveningletter · 1 year

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Friday, 01/20/2023

Last Night's dream: I dreamt that there was a family of bears living in our backyard. And that Frank Ocean released a visual album - I think it was a new one - and we were watching it on the TV in the kitchen.

Where I went: res, school - stu's class for digital!, took the GO train home

What I ate: 3 bananas, oatmeal, cookies, a cracker, dumplings with soy sauce for brunch. For dinner, I had home food, which was egg + chives, chicken + da cai, coriander chutney, and a tuna sandwich that Chai Li brought home. For dessert, I had tiramisu, cookies, and tea!

What I did: So I woke up at 10:55 am. and I was like FUCK I'm late AGAIN. And I rushed to get ready for school and was out the door in pretty good time. I texted Sarah and we met up to walk to class together. She had asked me if I remembered where the class was, and I thought to meet her outside the pink wall, but because she texted 2 mins ago, I figured she'd be farther down the way so I kept walking (after I stopped!). And then I was like "where r u" and she was like "behind u" and I was like 0.0 lol. And so we walked to class together. Our computers weren't working so Stu had to help us, and Graham also came to help. Sarah's been working on her table merch for the zine club table! (I forgot what it's called.) I'm glad Carrie is joining her and Erica! Because maybe we can invite Erica to some dinners! I also let Sarah know about the depth cues zine submission coming up. I let Carrie know the day before. Sarah left class kinda early. It was hard to follow what was going on tbh. Stu brought the animation into photoshop and idk how he did it. I spent the majority of the class just looking at 3D assets and wondering how Stu did it. Instead of asking him, I just wasted time and left a little past 1:00 pm. Ugh. I need to get better at asking for help!! After, I went back to the dorm to have brunch. I had to eat all the bananas I got from Walmart because they would have otherwise rotted over the weekend. And when Carrie came back from class, we spent some time in the kitchen together, working and eating. She also did not do the rotoscoping thing, so she worked on that while I read and took notes. We also took a look at some of the forest finals people made in her class. I decided to catch the bus around 4:48, so I left Res at around 4:30 and caught the bus. Some people (including me) were running from the bus to try and catch the GO train at Oakville GO. I don't know if I even tapped correctly. I don't know if I hit the override button all the way. So I was sitting very anxiously on the train. I couldn't even read or listen to music. After I got to union station, I decided to do some reading, because I had to wait for like 45 mins until the next train. Then, I got on the train and kept reading there. I felt like such an intellectual. Oh ya, something I remembered from earlier today aka last night. I met Carrie in the kitchen at around 2-3:00 am and I was telling her how great the book was. And how a lot of the tips could apply to illustration. And she felt inspired hearing some of the tips and stories. And she also wants to make films! I am happy to hear. Anyways, Mom picked me up from the station, and we went to No-frills to buy drinks for tomorrow. I wore a thin jacket, which I kind of regret, but I have other jackets at home, so it should be okay. Then, we went to Woodside to pick up a cake for Alex. Woodside got pimped out. The dinosaurs move. And there was a DJ. And it was dark but there were colourful lights lol. We got the cake from Everbest bakery. 6 buns from there are $10 now :( they used to be 6 buns for $3. But for them, I understand the price increase because they're a small business. After we came back home, I took a shower, and then had dinner. Helped mom with washing some dishes, then made tea. And I worked on my rotoscoping assignment and watched EI and I'm about to go to sleep because I have work at 10:00 tomorrow.

Media: Emergency Intercom ep 79, Doja Cat, Miley Cyrus, TXT 0x1=Lovesong Japanese version

What I worked on: rotoscoping, reading

What I'm grateful for: Mom! She was literally up until 1:00 am cutting ingredients for tomorrow. She has work but still has to took dishes for CNY party. I'll try to help as much as I can, but I also have quite a bit of work to do.

Closing thoughts: I don't see the hype with ice spice. And I might eat my words later down the line, but at the moment I don't get it. That video of her peeing in a fan's mouth while she was performing is also quite disgusting and it was my first impression of her... I need to MAKE time for drawing.

#january #january 2023 #january 20 #2023 #the evening letter

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taeyamayang · 1 year

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YOU ARE BUILDING A LIFE SIZED SLEIGH????? girl WHAT??? AND NINE (9) N-I-N-E???? REINDEER??? That is absolutely batshit crazy I love it. Are you doing it by yourself? What is the competition for? Were you told to do the sleigh and reindeer specifically or were you like “imma show everyone up by doing the ABSOLUTE MOST.” (In the best possible way ofc lol) Ok for some background info I’m an extremely artsy person and is known for doing the most when it comes to my projects. There’s a TikTok that basically goes “Unlike others, my homosexual audacity makes me believe that I have all the nesceceary skills to accomplish whatever even though I have no prior knowledge in that area.” Which basically describes me to a T. Like if I have an idea I try to do whatever I can to produce that idea. I literally just finished a Medusa head. A fully gold, clay snake-d, clay covered styrofoam head. It’s magnificent…. But it almost made me lose my shit. It was supposed to be and interactive piece but the weight of it was too heavy (despite my homosexual audicty I also have ADHD and anxiety which means I need to get everything I can fit this project done NOW. Screw waiting! Screw planning! Therefore I didn’t take into account the amount of weight it would end up being and how hard it would be to keep it hanging smh) I also had a due date for it that absolutely did not help but whatever. It’s done, and it looks pretty badass if I do say so myself. That being said, I’m really excited to hear more about the sleigh and reindeer. ALSO MOMO LOOKS SO CUTE SITTING ON THE SLEIGH???? SHES SANTAS LITTLE HELPER 🥺🥺🥺

Aria isn’t that photogenic, she usually ends up rubbing her face against the camera or worse- her butt. That was just a lucky shot. I snatched Loki to cuddle with me and he actually did for once???? He usually gets bored and walks away smh. But then he was a really cuddly baby and I was NOT gonna let the opportunity slip away.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS IN MY WRITTING!!!!! they really made my day! I really kept pushing myself to keep going even when I doubted myself. I read online a quote from a famous author (Idr which one lol) that said when writting, consistency is key, even when writting in small amounts. 200 words a day. It adds up. So I always tried to write 200 words a day and would praise myself if I wrote anything considerably more. It’s a pretty good system to be honest, bc then I don’t berate myself for not writing as much as I want myself too.

When It comes to the yams fic it originally came from one of my first Haikyuu fic ideas, which was kind of a reverse harem thing? IDK IF THATS THE RIGHG WORD SKSHJS. like kinda a chose your our adventure/route kind of thing and it would be with several different characters. The idea changed a lot, like for example the love interests you could chose from at the end would be (at some point of my brainstorming process) ALL of the first year boys from Karasuno, Noya and Suga, then Oikawa, Kuroo AND kenma. I limited it down to Tsukki, yams, hinata, (or) noya, (Idr which one) suga and Oikawa after. Basically all the Karasuno first year boys but Kageyama. I don’t think you’ll ever catch me writing for kageyama tbh. He’s very one track minded and I don’t think I’d get his personality right.

Tbh it wasn’t TOO far out there, even with the crazy cast of characters and I really liked some parts of the story idea! but I feel like a lot of the parts between those parts would feel forced or rushed. Like for example, i feel like it was very Oikawa and Tsukishima heavy (which is weird bc they are total opposites) so you could see MC’s and their relationship grow, where all the other boys relationship would feel awkward and out of place. I also feel like when stories have so many routes and options in love it takes away the feelings and what makes a good relationship for the characters, whether it be platonic or romantic in the end. Writting all that down is making me kinda miss the idea LMAO. IT WAS SO CUTE! but I know it isn’t meant to be. Even after deciding against the idea of this massive size I kept a lot of the ideas for it. Again this fic idea came right after watching haikyuu for the first time and I feel like it was my brain trying to fit in as many scenerios and stuff at once into one timeline. After watching more of it and learning more about the individual characters I was able to seperate some of these story ideas and flesh them out. Now would they ever reach any the point where they hit paper (or in my case, a fresh google doc? )That’s another question entirely

The Yams fic originally came from a scene (lmao a deleted scene ig) bASED ON MY INSECURITY. ABOUT MY FRECKLES. *gasp, I know* ok tbh my freckles are a lot different I have them spread out everywhere on my body, including my face. They always kind of annoyed me since they are just kinda randomly dotted on my face, and aren’t big enough (or enough in general) to look like constilations. They aren’t even noticeable enough for anyone to notice but me. Except the marylin Monroe mark right above my lip. I had that one all my life. But still, they annoy me. And like right after I started working on the fic, MORE STARTED APPEARING? LIKE HOW???? ITS WINTER! ITS NOT LIKE THE SUN IS GIVING KE MARKS OR ANYTHING? sigh. But anyway, the scene was supposed to have MC complaining about their freckles, which makes yams want to talk about how he hates his freckles until they say how their freckles aren’t even cute, like his are. idk it was a cute little thing based off my Insecurities. After I scraped the whole thing, along with the little scene I just mentioned, years later I read a Haikyuu or BNHA (I can’t remember which one) scenario where the boys compliment the MCs freckles, which turn out to just be acne. Then VOILÀ! The idea returned! This time new and updated! It was originally NOT supposed to so long or emotional. I just REALLY got into his character and fleshed it out a LOT. It was supposed to be a quick kind of thing, where yams gets embarrassed and flushed, then teased. All that cutesy stuff, but ik that yams has been struggling with his insecurities about his freckles for a long time, and insecurities like those don’t just go away. It’s not always something you can laugh about later. Sometimes the scabs from others words and your own thoughts don’t heal over, and with enough force, they can be picked off to show a fresh wound, like the pain never left. I know what it’s like to have severe anxiety and let small things tumble and grow into something incomprehensible. I know what it’s like to be stuck in your own head and I really wanted to show that. I’m really happy that you could feel his worries through my writing cuz that is 100% what I was aiming for. I hope others who can identity to yams in any way can see themselves in it too.

I might take you up on beta reading one day, when I get a discord. I think I had an account, maybe at some point? But I honestly have no idea how to use it. But I love how you took your psych major daydreams and put them to paper (figuratively, again) by writing haikyuu scenerios and headcannons. Putting your major to good use I see kksjkdkdk 😂. Before I started putting work on tumblr I was super scared about how people would react andd more importantly, how I would react to others reading my work and interacting with it. But tbh, I don’t really care that much? Like it’s weird, I thought I’d be obsessing over it but it’s kinda a background thought. Like it makes me happy when I see people interacting with it and I wish sometimes I cold have more validation in that aspect sometimes but it’s not a NEED. Now it makes me wonder if I should’ve started a fanfic acc before, or if I should be glad I did it now instead of before when I possibly could have let it take over me. Now I just worry about consistency- in posting that it’s.

Which leads me to another question. How do you differentiate between your different blogs? I know you have like two or three, but how do you decide what to put on you personal vs fanfic account? What to reblog on which ones? Bc I know even though I’m writing everyday, I’m not putting out work everyday so my fanfic account kinda sits vacant from time to time, where my main gets daily action (man when I put it that way it seems like my fanfic account is my side chick or something LMAO)

I LOVE HOW YOU JUST LEFT THE CLASS AFTER THEY TRIED PRESSURING YOU LMAO!! Like “oh one sec, I’ll be right back” *narrator voice* “And pea did. not, in fact be right back. She walked straight out the door, and kept walking. And walking. Till she got home. The end.” KAHSAJSJS. iconic. AND I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WERE BREAKING UP WITH YOUR BF! NOT GF!! There could have been a possibility you said “partner” and I assumed boyfriend, BIT EITHER WAY, I FEEL HOMOPHOBIC IM SO SORRY! but I’m glad you broke up! Like in the nicest way possible!! Dragging out relationships when there’s no spark is just trouble for EVERYONE. like idk why straight people insist on doing it for sooooo long. Like I understand it’s hard, and they are probably quite comfy and change can be difficult for everyone, but there has to be a point where you know that things aren’t gonna fix themselves? Like why wait till everything blows up instead of breaking things off like grown ass adults, not teens in some over dramatic coming of age movie? I can’t stand how in tv shows the standard husband and wife absolutely hate each other. Because it’s supposed to reflect real life (at least in America) where spouses are supposed to fall in love, get married, have kids, then fall apart. LIKE IF YOU CANT EVEN STAND TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THEM WITHOUT WANTING TO SPEW VERBAL ABUSE WHY CANT YALL GET A DIVORCE??? like I know it’s long process and shit, bit damn, anything is better than that sheesh. And people wonder why whenever someone dies they look at their spouse first smh.

Bruh those beauty standards sound like they are describing an anime character LMAO. That shit ain’t realistic! It’s so wild to hear that your aunt told you not to play too much bc you get “MAN LIKE MUSCLES???” WTF WHO SAYS THAT TO A CHILD? Good for your mom telling you otherwise.

So about the murder house at the college… I don’t go there so I wouldn’t know for sure, but it seems like no one really knows? Or cares? I mean the hs I went to being right next to it never really mentioned it and you’d think that a murder house would cause gossip yknow? I’m pretty sure it happened 20+ years ago so anyone alive during that time wouldn’t be attending the school really, or they would’ve been like infants. GIRL WHAT THE FUCK??? YOUR CREEPY DEATH TUNNEL STORY OUTWEIGHS THE CREEPY OLD MURDER HOUSE THATS NOW USED FOR ADMIN REASONS? I think it’s fucjing insane how horrible things happened and you wouldn’t even know. Whether it’s the murders in my picket fence town or the death tunnels at your Uni. Really shows you how important history books are, huh.

Tbh, when it comes to my cupcake disaster I wasn’t even that late? I thought I’d be though lol. And omg, Asian schools sound fucjing terrifying. They sound so strict and prestigious and very stressful. I don’t think my anxious ass could have handled it. Also, don’t worry you are probably way better at math than I am. All throughout my life I’ve been horrible at math, the only time I wasn’t when I was in like preschool and was excited to learn LMAO. I can’t even count how many time math has made me cry thought just the ages of like 6-18. It’s pathetic, actually.

About genshin, my bestie and tell each other everything, especially the fictional characters we simp for. She’s a big childe simp. I remember one time she told me she was talking to her friend and was like “I wanna see childe naked.” (Joking, but not yknow LMAO) and her friend was like “pedophilia????” SKaksbdjka bUT THATS BESIDES THE POINT. I send her all the pics and memes of childe and some of her other fav fictional men and she send me memes of Kuroo and bokuto LMAO. Some of our convos are WILD. Like they can go from “that’s where my trauma comes from” to “hahah GAE” in the same convo.

Like 2 weeks ago we had this convo

Me: girl I have some bad news

Her: oh no

Me: I have another fanfic idea

Her: oh no

What’s it about?

THEN I JUST DUMP EVERYTHING I HAVE IN THAT IDEA AND SHES LIKE “mood” “gay” “damn” “just like me fr” SKSHAJWH I can’t stand her sometimes. She also calls me out when some parts of the stories are familar to my other ideas (they often build off of each other since 90% of them don’t leave the drafting board of my head. She’s like “new challenge, an MC WITHOUT trauma, where the MCs parents are completely alive and well.” And I’m like 😤 “but that’s no fun!” KEBDKSJSKSB

BUT SPEAKING OF NEW STORY

Ok well technically this is an older one that’s been sitting in my head for a while. I have a really good idea for a hawks series (from BNHA). I probably will never write all of it but the begining is super solid so I might just start from there. BUT! I’m afraid this will completely divert me from my bokuto fic. I think I’m a little over half way done with it but idk my writing can get out of hand. Currently, it is 6,301 words long. The final number should probably be over 8,000 words long, but we will seee

I LOVE YOUR NEW STICKERS! I love how you made the present day(? Technically it’s not present day, but yknow what I mean) and the time skip versions!! AND I LOVE THE EMO MODE BOKUTO!!!! SO CUTE!!! THEY LOOK SO GOOD!!!

ALSO I SHOWED BESTIE THE PHOTOS OF YOUR GENSHIN STICKERS! after I showed her what I said about genshin she said: “GIRL i’m surprised you know so much but at the same time i can imagine considering how much i talked about them lmaooo”

SHE WANTS TO KNOW WHEN YOU START YOUR BUISNESS SO SHE CAN BUT ONE! AND MEE TOO!! but I’m not sure if that possible since international shipping can be a bitch. BUT WE WILL SUPPORT IN SPIRIT!

I look forward to seeing your sticker buisness grow and I’m excited to see how the sleigh looks when it’s finished! Keep me updated!!! Bonus cat pics for you!

i did!! i'll attach the photos below so it wouldn't get in the way with the texts. actually it was like a community competition idk to build camaraderie among neighborhoods so when the adults were brainstorming for an idea i suggested a santa's factory theme and they were like yeahhh that's nice but it would be much cooler if have santa and his reindeer pulling his sleigh and when everyone's asking if anyone could do it NO ONE WAS ANSWERING. so a thing about me in groupworks is when the group grows silent and no one feels confident to try, i dive in head first (as long as i can pull off the task. besides, i want to give it a try too lol. i love creating things) so i volunteered and my mom was supportive of it, actually the entire neighborhood is. i sent them progress pictures and they liked it so much so they encourage me throughout the tedious task and that kept me going. btw that sleigh can fit 2 toddlers i know because i have 2 toddler nephew and niece and they can sit on it side by side lol. anyway, it's purely made from recycled materials :D DAMN your medusa craft sounds amazing!!! omg do you have a photo of it i wanna seee omg!! so we do have smth in common! we love creating things and when we get into the zone we do it with 100% focus

ohhh i like the idea of the reversed harem but just as you said it might be difficult to pull off since there may be characters that are less emphasized than the others so it will be oikawa or tsukishima heavy. that's why it is not recommended to write for many characters because it will be hard to give them the their own spotlight and it will turn out messy and may even risk the plot. if i'm not wrong the maximum characters (major characters) you can write for is 5 but ideally 3 is okay. i tried that tho with my halloween interactive fic (which i have not written for in SO LONG lol i'll get to that) so i tried to incorporate all the characters i could write for in haikyuu but i didn't give them a spotlight. i picked a few to give an elaborate background of, then they others were minor characters. i feel like i'm giving an unsolicited advice 💀 i'm not the best person to give you it but i'm glad i could discuss things related to writing to someone. maybe you can push through with the story idea but pick maybe 3-4 characters you want to focus on and others are minor characters.

about the yams story!! tbh i couldn't relate to the freckles thing but they remind me of my tiny moles 💀 i have them all over my body and even on my face. in our culture it could be seen as a beauty mark but i just couldnt love the one above my mouth (tho it gets complimented by my friends, i just couldnt) but i have fondness for freckles (ironic i know) i find them cute as it somehow adds softness to the person's features hence when i was reading your message i was like "NO WAYYY FRECKLES ARE ADORABLE! WHAT DO YOU MEAN!! I LOVE THEM." but then it reminds me of my tiny moles and i just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lol maybe it's human's nature to love what they don't have and dislike what they have. so even though i do not have freckles, with the emotions and realness of the characters' conflict in your yam's fic i was able to connect/relate to it. keep writing!! :)

yess!! i'm omg i would love to try beta reading heh if i reply late (i always do anyway 😭) send me an ask of your discord name so i can add you immediately and get on w the writing!! aaahh i'm excited hihi yeah!! my major actually contributes a lot to my writing lol. talk about consistency ahhh it's harder to be consistency esp when you're busy (me 💀) about the 2-3 blogs, this (main) blog is purely for fluff fanfics or fics rated general since i started this blog i never intended to write nsfw since i'm more of a fluff writer but since i'm trying to explore more writing styles i opened a nsfw blog. that's my most recent blog and i only have one fic posted there lol i find it difficult to whip a nsfw blog since i don't think that's my strength lol and the personal blog that's where i rb art, fics, post shits (personal shits), and other things lol it's like a dump account honestly. i created a personal account mainly because i didn't want my main blog to appear messy for the readers if ever they want to check my blog. i do post personal things on my main blog but only that is not too personal? or i think is interesting for many to know smth like. it actually depends on my mood whether i'm comfortable to have many people read about what's going on with my personal life aka my childhood enemy who turned hot but my college struggles that gave me anxiety that's kept on my personal blog bc it has less followers and all of them are my mutuals here sooooo heh are you thinking of running more blogs?

it's fine!! it's okay if you thought of a bf instead of a gf lol no worries. omg thank you for congratulating me on breaking up bc i'm proud i did it. breaking up ia tough because it means hurting the person close to you but yeah we have the same idea, i think it's pointless to pretend in a relationship that you are not into. it's like you're wasting you and your partner's time and i don't think anyone deserves to be treated half of how they treat someone they like. i'm kind proud i was able to do it. it is hard lol 💀 but i'm happier now. YEAH i want a more diverse family on shows. single parents, homosexual parents, found family, etc.

i could tell you more stories about the crazy place my uni sits in if i remember them lmao but overall i like experiecing creepy stuff thus the death tunnel thing. my college friends and i are amused by creepy things 💀

if i think of it now... ASIAN SCHOOL DID GIVE ME ANXIETY AND NOT ONLY ANXIETY, LOW SELF ESTEEM TOO WTH dude i think they have a kink for making you feel dumb. i mean, a competitive environment is good but when opportunity to grow is limited, it only gives the students anxiety. i remember having a private tutor until before 7th grade but beginning 7th grade was also the start of my summer classes in math (I AM BAD AT IT I SWEAR I CRY TOO LOL i never aimed to be the best i was okay being average and when i get an above average score at a test I AM OVER THE MOON) and on my senior yr in hs i attended a cram school (i think that's what it is commonly called) it's to review you for college entrace exams because the results is revealed nationwide (more anxiety, everyone knows your taking it ha ha) and it's almost a must for us to pursue a college degree otherwise the elders will think of it as a waste if you don't(?) smth like that so yeah after school and classes i attend cram school where we review lessons from 7th grade to senior hs and we answer tests EVERY MEETING so yeah that burnt me out.

the beauty standard iS THE ANIME. the standard is skinny women with humongous boobs like bruh that aint even possible without an implant like how could all fats be isolated on someones chest and not on other parts of their body that's like basic science THEY MAKE US STUDY SCIENCE SAYING IT'S IMPORTANT BUT MEN HAVE UNREALISTIC HUMAN ANATOMY STANDARDS LIKE WTF now that we're on this topic, i realized i have not adhered to the crazy body standards we have (ofc i used to but that was younger me feeling pressured and all it wasn't a good year in my life but yeah) like tatts and piercings are a taboo and more so if you're a woman and here i am with 7 piercings and planning a tatt. they want petite body and big boobs? you know what? *points at my stomach* this is a flab *points at my boobs* and my tits are small HAVE FUN LMAO i don't think i'm the type to go by the rules or at least the strict standards set by society bc i feel chained. even when my aunt told me to stop engaging in activities that would make me grow man muscles, i'm lifting weights now 😭 idk man i feel like the more i feel boxed in a set of ridiculous rules the more i'm prone to breakaway lol. anyway thats just a quick rant 💀

OMG YOUR FRIEND SOUNDS AWESOME i feel like i can vibe with herrr and that she is a childe simp bRUHHH SHE IS FUN btw the childe naked thing had me chuckling lmaooo that was so out of context and it does sound weird for outaiders bUT DAMNNNN CHILDEEEEE UGH IM SIMPIMG i ship him with zhongli does your friend ship them? i. need. to. know. and!! cynari please kaveh and alhaitham too GOD MYVE Y SHOULD PLAY SO WE CAN SCREAM no pressure BUT !!!! LMAOOO

thank you for the photos i appreciate them A LOT your cats make me happy esp UNDER A CHRISTMAS TREE AHHHH

here's the sleigh as promised (i only have them taken at night since i thought you'd like to see the lights. it's placed on a roof btw lmaooo it's crazy) and here's my friends dog. his name is gokong wei SUCH A CLINGY BABY

thank you for writing to me!! i always enjoy talking to you! may you have/had a great new year and i hope we can end 2023 together too! merry christmas and happy new year, myve ♡

#myve.😺#if there are typos #NO THERE ARENT #peas.tmi.sessions

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here2bbtstrash · 2 years

Note

M, I don’t even know where to begin🥹

First of all, jimin is my weakness, I love everything about him and I literally treasure him like the golden boy he is🥹 so I don’t think you can imagine how fluffy/happy/comforted I felt reading this!💜

I realized as well that I’m a slut bc I haven’t read ANY fluff in like ages lol so that made it even more special💜

I declare that this is THEE JIMIN fic, don’t even fight me on this one. Ugh, his character it’s so well written and I can tell that you put a lot of thought in his emotions💜 and can we pleaseeee talk about the no rushing with sex theme? I’ve been in a similar position and would’ve LOVE if I had a parter like oc , someone who wouldn’t rush it and wait for the both them to feel safe and comfortable while doing it, it sounds cliche maybe BUT ITS SO SO NECESARY 💔 oc comforting him in the struggles they had along, grabbing his face and reassuring him, oh my god! Those moments are engraved in my heart FR🥹🫶🏼

When they shared little moments in the bus aaahhhh my heart🥹🥹🥹💜💜💜💜 and the first time they saw a movie?? My god😩 I swear I was blushing squeaking kicking the air the whole time reading it! I can’t with my single ass lol but honestly this raised my standards like 📈📈📈📈 this should be the fucking bare minimum 😤💜

And lastly, I CANNOT BELIEVE you weren’t going to post this! I mean yes it’s very different from what you usually do but I promess you ITS JUST AS GOOD M , your writing has no boundaries I swear! And I’m glad you did it despite the thoughts you had on it🫶🏼 this is true fluff/slow burn content, take notes people📝

also chef yoongi and namjoon with his reading corner? What are you a fluff machine 🫠🫠🫠😩😩💜💜💜💜

This fic is my new comfort fic, I manifest and deserve this in my life lmao I could keep ranting about how much I love it but I think this is enough 😂💜💜💜💜 thank you sooooo much for this one!🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

ohhhhhh jaz i'm right there with you 😩 i have such a weakness for park jimin i just.... oof i love that boy with my whole mf heart for real

LMAO i'm still kinda shocked this came outta me, maybe i am a fluff machine now, i'm supposed to be the smut queen with a cold dead heart 👀 WHO AM I?!?! IS THIS GROWTH?!?!??! lmfao

i'm really glad you enjoyed the slower pace and the fact that reader and jimin took their time to get intimate 🥺 i (obviously lmao it's pwp) have a lot of stuff where people just.... jump right in but i know that's not everyone's experience nor what everyone feels comfortable with, so i wanted to switch it up!! the right partner will respect your wishes, whether you wanna get down and dirty right away or it takes you months (or years!) to get there 💜

GUHHHHH THIS REVIEW IS TOO NICE I'M GETTING IT TATTOOED ON MY FOREHEAD..... YOU BETTER STOPPPPPP 🫠 i love you thank you so much for being so freaking wonderful ughhhhh

#simp47koreancrackheads #fic review #the shape of your body #queue what you want ㄱ -ㅅ-ㄱ

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moonandsunwoo · 3 years

Text

Eric Sohn as your boyfriend

➛ eric sohn x reader (I dont think I used any pronouns but feel free to comment if I missed it!) fluff

➛ listen to: let me in (20 Cube) by ENHYPEN

➛ warnings: some mild swearing, there is suggestive content under the second cut but not fullblown nsfw

❥...!𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭:

Eric quite literally fell for you

and it was a painful fall at that, your freshly bought succulent adding some extra weight and definition to the whole tragedy

also because the dirt spilled everywhere and your poor Echeveria plant got yeeted right under a moving bus - because of course it would

and Eric just panicked

Like if he could have moved from beneath you, he would have definitely considered just going for it because oh my god the embarrassment

And then he looked up and you had about the prettiest face Eric could even imagine

So that made it ten million times worse

Luckily Sangyeon didn't raise no bitch

Luckily, Sangyeon also saw what happened from inside of the building, alongside Hyunjae and Jacob who had sent the poor boy running in the first place

Alright, technically Eric sent himself almost tripping out of the facility himself, because he forgot about the existence of bus times

Therefore he had to sprint to catch the bus

Well he didn't, funny enough, your poor succulent however did

-.-

it resulted in Jacob sweet-talking you from your initial shock into a state of almost comfort and Eric wishing he could have that kind of effect on people

But noooo he just had to run them over

He went and did pick the succulent up tho

or more like, tried to scrape the mashed up remains from off the pavement until you told him that it was no use anyways

That succulent was mush and so were Erics hopes of catching that last bus to get to class on time

So he offers you to go buy a new plant with him (after class though, because Sangyeon already gave him a warning death glare)

And whilst he wasn't as smooth as he had wished he was, you happily agreed

because damn he was cute alright

You guys did meet up after his class ended and you had a blast to say the least

and Eric came home with a cactus himself and a huge massive crush on you

Tries not to flex that he got your number and fails

Can't stop talking about you for the rest of the week because wow you guys just clicked so well and and and

Sunwoo would obviously never not call this a date btw and Eric would blush every time.

❥..!𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩:

Took him some time tbh

Simply because even though it was obvious, he still couldn't believe that someone like you fell for him

You guys went on so so many dates shopping sprees, small trips ect. and checked out almost every cafe that was near (for scientific purposes ofc. to see where the best coffee would get served. wink wonk)

to the point where he even took you to meet the rest of the boyz

And no one really believed that you guys were just friends

because you weren't

Well luckily he got over himself one day

and confess he did, just maybe he was so rushed and mumbly with it, and probably switching between every language he knew, that he had to do it twice

At least he made you feel special lmao

When you confessed your feelings to him too, he just kinda sat there for a second

Like 'wow it's that easy??'

He felt like he skipped an important step in an instruction book

Like a math problem that was too easy to be that simple

Would have his moment of megalomania right after because you ✨liked ✨him✨ back✨

We all know how competitive he can get, the good man

So prepare yourself for battling out the most basic things

will make everything a competition if he can

will also lose, like more than fifty percent of the time but its okay

just kiss him afterwards or something

That will send him into a hormonal overdrive instantly

Not that he would admit it tho hahah

Heeee??? flustered because you did as much kiss him???? ᵃⁿᵈ ʷʰᵃᵗ ᶦᶠ ʰᵉ ʷᵃˢ

Please wear his clothes

Can be anything, really; his shirt, sweater, hoodie, his huge jackets or a pair of sweats

Do it and he will melt and only grin dopey for the rest of the night

The type of boyfriend to wake you up at 3AM because he swears he heard someone knock against the window no kidding

on the third floor

he had a nightmare, just hold him

Can't cook, will however try to impress you with his cooking skills none the less

Hey at least he cleans up afterwards *ahem* sunwoo *ahem*

if you cant already do it, he'd probably love trying to go skating with you

would one hundred percent be the most patient you had ever seen him and so proud after every accomplishment no matter how tiny

Will ramble about his day to you

Will get all loud and boast-y if you decide to visit him at the studio

"HEY BABE LOOK I CAN DO TWELVE FLIPS BLINDFOLDED-"

"Eric no."

Eager kisser, I just want to say it again

Will buy you a succulent every anniversary. Guaranteed.

Very unlike how he is when your like alone and sinning (lol sry)

Very gentle with you, asks like seven thousand times if its okay and if you're comfortable

kinda scared that he could do something wrong, kinda insecure about himself

Maybe you’re even his first time and he's just so unsure oh dear

Like what if you dont like it oh my god what if he does something WRONG

knocks out almost immediately after sex, after giving his best to take care of you

Very much into cuddling afterwards, but don't ever bring it up he will yeet

I know many people might disagree with that but I will gladly die on that hill alright

˗ˏˋ꒰ 🪴 ꒱

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iguessweallcrazyithinktho · 3 years

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What if reader had a very vivid dream that Chris cheated on her and when she wakes up she’s really mad at him and “confronts” him about it and he’s trying to calm her down because she’s convinced that if he’s no cheating on her now then he will in the future and that her dream is some kinda of warning lol but it ends in fluff. I’m only requesting this because it actually happened to me, I had a dream where I thought my boyfriend was cheating on me and I didn’t trust him for a while 😂

☆.｡.:* Just a dream... Right?.｡.:*☆

Warning: angst, cheating irl and in a dream, cursing

You shut the door behind you as you entered your house. Usually you'd come home chill and calm, but today was different. Chris, your fiance, hasn't answered any of the calls or messages you have sent to him. It was unlike him, he always answered your calls, but today was different.

You sat your bag down on the floor gently and began to walk through the house. You checked the kitchen, living room, and family room and found no Chris or dodger for that Matter. You huffed and knew the only place he would be was in the bedroom. Maybe he was sleeping and forgot to charge his phone.

As you grew closer to the door you heard the soft sound of giggling on the other side. It definitely wasn't Chris'. Quickly you opened the door.

Laying in bed was Chris and a blonde woman. Their eyes fell to you in shock as they just have been caught. It was very obvious she knew you existed.

You didn't expect this out of Chris... Well at least you did, but you just let your guard down stupidity by taking his word.

2 weeks prior

You had just woken up from your sleep grumpier than usual. You had a shitty dream, it was about Chris cheating on you and you catching him in the act.

It left you feeling like crap and pissed as you woke up, it made you feel like you were crazy. Chris was still asleep beside you in bed so you decided to go to the kitchen and calm down there.

You creeped out of bed being extremely careful not to wake up Chris or dodger. When it was success, you made your way to the kitchen. You grabbed yourself a glass of water, then sitting at the kitchen island.

Your mind raced As you stared out into space. Even though it was a dream it felt too real, so much it hurts.

"baby, why are you awake at 4am?"

You turned around to see Chris standing there shirtless. He looked extremely tired, but that didn't stop him From waiting for your answer.

"sorry.. I just had a shitty dream." Chris hummed, he walked over to you and messaged your shoulders. "What was it about?"

You stayed quiet for a minute before you spoke. "It was about you cheating. It felt too fucking real."

You turned around looking at Chris. "Please tell me you aren't cheating on me? I just need reassurance you know."

Chris sighed. He knew he was about to tell you a lie, but he couldn't say yes he was cheating on you.

"no baby, I'm not cheating on you. Let's go back to bed." He quickly got out. You sighed in relief not even knowing the words Chris had just said we're a total lie.

You and Chris went and got back in bed. You fell back asleep after a few minutes, but it took Chris a while. He was thinking about the lie he just told you. He hated that he lied to you, he knew it would crush you, but he was an idiot. He hoped you'd never find out.

Well you did

"what the fuck!" You yelled out. You looked at them in shock as they scrambled to get dress. "Y/n, look, I can explain."

"explain what? That you're cheating? Yeah I already noticed that!"

You looked over at the man you used to love with so much anger. He walked over to you as he slipped on his pants. "Listen I was going to tell you bu-" "there's no but. If you fell out of love with me you should've fucking told me.. but you didn't." You pointed over to the woman who was still in bed. "Instead you kept cheating on me with whoever the fuck she is and lead me to believe you still loved."

You heart was racing as you rushed out your words. Chris stood there unable to come up with words, it was clear he wasn't for fighting for this relationship, not that it would change anything.

"were you lying to me a few weeks ago when we're in the kitchen and you weren't cheating on me huh?"

Chris exhaled, he shook his head. "...yes, yes I was."

You scuffed. "You fucking asshole." You spit out. "We're done not that you even care. I'm going to come back later and get my things." You looked at the girl still in the bed. "I spent 2 years of my life with him and it was a fucking waste. Don't was your time."

With that you turned around walking out of the room. your dream a few weeks ago was just a warning for the nightmare you were having right now. You weren't going crazy as you thought. Chris was definitely a cheater.

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans angst #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans imagines #chris evans smut #chris evans x plus size reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans x black reader #Chris Evans fanfic #Chris Evans one shot

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