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orangeoctopi7 · 3 years

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Buzzfeed Unsolved: The Suspicious Crash of Stanley Pines

The theme for @stanuary week 3 is Crime... what about... TRUE CRIME? I started watching Buzzfeed Unsolved this last summer, so I’ve been wanting to do something like this.

If you don’t watch Buzzfeed Unsolved, this is probably gonna seem like a lot of rambling.

On the morning of July Fourth, 1982 in the sleepy logging town of Gravity Falls, Oregon, there was a firey explosion that wasn't part of the fireworks and festivities. A car had gone over the edge of the town's famed floating cliffs.

"Floating cliffs?" Shane asked

"They're like, giant overhangs. They're not just floating up in the middle of the air like Pandora or something." Ryan explained, showing Shane a photo on his phone.

"Oh, that's pretty."

"It is really pretty."

"What a beautiful place for a car to careen over a cliff."

Ryan cracked up.

"You get a lovely view as you plummet to your death." Shane imagined.

Between 6:15 and 6:20 PM, the Gravity Falls Police Department received six separate calls reporting seeing a yellow car in flames drive off the edge of the cliff and crash to the valley below.

When investigators arrived on the scene, they found the remains of a crushed and burnt 1971 Subaru DL Coupe. The police report notes finding that the brakes were cut, and evidence of gasoline being poured into the driver’s seat to start the fire. Strangest of all, no body was found in or around the crash, only a few burnt strands of hair.

“So, right off the bat, real suspicious.” Shane commented.

“Yeah, and it only gets more suspicious from here.” Ryan assured his co-host.

“And I’m assuming there’s no chance that they guy, y’know, got up and walked away from the crash?”

“Oh, no, no way. You saw the picture of the cliffs.”

“Oh yeah, no way.”

“There’s no way anyone in the car would have survived that fall.”

“And it was on fire.”

Despite the lack of a body, the police determined from the few burnt strands of hair and an anonymous tip they received at 6:15 PM on the day of the crash, the driver of the car was one Stanley Pines, a 31 year old man from Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey. Allegedly, he had been coming to Gravity Falls, Oregon to visit his twin brother, Stanford, who lived just a ten minute drive from the cliff Stan’s car had driven off.

“Wait, wait, wait--” Shane interrupted Ryan’s explanation, “Twin brothers. Named Stanley and Stanford.”

“Yeah.”

“Who the f___ names their kids like that?”

“I know, right?”

“Were they identical twins?”

“Uh, I couldn’t find anything saying they were definitely genetically identical, but, uh, with the way this case goes, it’s safe to assume they were identical enough.”

“Yikes, I feel sorry for them growing up, can you imagine how often people got them mixed up?”

“Yeah, but imagine the kinds of shenanigans they must have gotten up to!”

“Oh, that’s true. There would have been plenty of shenanigans. Lots and lots of shenanigans.”

“If you had twins, would you give them cutesy twin names?” Ryan asked.

“No.” Shane answered firmly.

“I think I’d just do like, alliterative names. Nothing too similar.”

“Yeah, no I think twins probably have to deal with enough confusion bull___ without having to throw similar names or the same initials into the mix.”

“Interestingly enough…” Ryan started.

“Yeah, I’m guessing from your comments that the twin thing plays into this.”

When interviewed by the police, Stanford claimed his brother never arrived at his house. However, testimonies of other townsfolk reported seeing a red 1967 El Diablo with a distinctive “STNLYMBL” vanity license plate driving up the road to Stanford’s house earlier that winter. The house is out in the woods, isolated from the rest of the town, so no one would drive up that way unless they were going to see the cabin.

“Well what if they just wanted to take a walk out in the woods?” Shane countered.

“It was in early February.”

“Snowshoeing.”

“In a blizzard.”

“Ok, you do not have a weather report for the exact day they saw this car!”

“Two of the testimonies mention there was a snow storm that day. Plus, the license plate says STANLEY MOBILE.”

“Well, Stanley is a fairly common name.”

“You-you’re just being contrary to bug me now, aren’t you?” Ryan accused.

Shane just grinned.

What’s more, that same red El Diablo was the car Stanford now drove.

“What!?” Shane laughed with disbelief for a moment before putting on a mocking tone. “Uh, yeah, he never showed up, but, uh, I have his car. I’m still driving it. Y’know, seemed like a waste to just let it sit in the driveway.”

“He didn’t even change the license plate.” Ryan added.

“Oh, of course not!” Shane said sarcastically. “Why go through all that trouble?”

Upon further inspection, the car that crashed was registered to Stanford, and had been reported totaled almost seven years prior.

“It’s interesting that they say it was totaled.” Ryan commented. “Because totalled just means that the damage is more expensive to fix than the car is worth, so it could have still been drivable.”

“And if you’re trying to fake a car crash, what better to use than an already worthless car?” Shane agreed.

“Exactly.”

Stanley Pines was declared dead by auto accident and the case was closed in September of 1982, due to lack of evidence and quote: “A lack of interest from the involved parties”.

“A lack of interest from the involved parties!? What the h___ does that even mean?” Shane asked in bewilderment.

“It’s odd, to be sure.”

It’s when we look into the background of the presumed dead Stanley, and his brother Stanford, that this case becomes truly bizarre.

Stanley Pines left home at the age of 17, and had brief but unsuccessful careers as an amature prize fighter and as a salesman, before he turned to a life of crime. Prior to his reported death, he had been in prison five times, in three different countries, and had lived under at least eight different assumed names, with several others that were never confirmed. He had known ties to the mob and drug cartels.

“Quite the shady character. That might explain why the police didn’t look too closely into his ‘death’.” Shane put air quotes around “death”.

“Well, does it? I mean, if they thought his death might have been related to the mob…” Ryan argued.

“They know better than to mess with the mob, even in Oregon.”

“I mean, we have seen in several past True Crime episodes, what can happen if you mess with the mob.”

“Oh yeah.”

“You don’t wanna do it.”

“Nope.”

His brother Stanford was no less strange. He was born with fully-functional polydactyly, meaning he had six fingers on each hand. It’s worth noting that after 1982, Stanford no longer had 6 fingers. He claims that he had them surgically removed, because, quote: “I was sick of people staring.”

“Uh-huh. Sure.” Shane said doubtfully.

“You don’t believe that explanation?”

“Let’s just say I find it highly suspect.”

Stanford was also a certified genius, graduating with the most PhDs Backupsmore University had ever awarded. As a graduate student, he worked as a researcher and inventor for the US Government. Some sources say he worked on top-secret experiments.

In 1975, he received a $100,000 research grant, which he used to move to Gravity Falls and become a Paranormal Researcher. When he arrived in Gravity Falls, he was the subject of many rumors throughout the town, due to his reclusive nature and strange area of study.

“Oh, so this guy was basically you.” Shane pointed out.

“He’s basically me if I didn’t have you.” Ryan agreed.

“Awww, that’s sweet!” Shane placed a hand over his heart.

Many residents reported seeing strange lights coming from Stanford’s home in the woods starting almost as soon as he moved in, as well as strange sounds.

“Well, it seems like Gravity Falls is a pretty small town. People gossip.” Shane reasoned.

“Ok, yeah, but people gossip about who’s cheating on who, or what business secretly sells drugs out the back. They don’t gossip about strange lights coming out of the new neighbor’s basement.”

“They could. It’s gossip. Gossip can be about anything.”

Reports of the lights stopped in late January of 1982. Just four months later, in March, Stanford began opening up his home for tours, and in a matter of weeks, transformed his home into a tourist stop called the “Murder Hut.”

“Oh my g__.” Shane stifled a laugh. “A little on the nose there, don’t you think?”

“He did rename it to the Mystery Shack about a year later.”

“Hmm, yeah I wonder why?” Shane asked facetiously.

Stanford also exhibited paranoid behavior on several occasions before the crash, especially in the early months of 1982.

One local reported seeing Stanford screaming “No it isn’t, you creeps! I can see you just fine!” down an alleyway. Several other eyewitnesses reported seeing him fall out of his seat at the Triple Digits Truck Stop Diner on Route 14 and scream for something to “get out of his mind” before fleeing the building.

“So, he definitely seemed to think something was out to get him.” Ryan commented.

“Not the words of a sane man.”

“Unless something really was out to get him.”

“Eeeeh, even then…” Shane wiggled his hand in a so-so motion.

Dan Corduroy, one of the few people who had regular contact with Stanford before he opened the Mystery Shack, had this to say about the sudden change from research lab to tourist trap:

“Oh, he’s definitely been acting differently. He was really shy before, hard to talk to even. He seemed uncomfortable spending a lot of time with people. I’d invite him over to one of my family’s cabins to visit, but he only ever wanted to visit the haunted one while we were all out of town. I’d say it was a good change, though. It wasn’t good for him to be alone all the time like that. I’m glad he’s finally spending time with other people.”

“He only wanted to visit our haunted cabin.” Shane repeated with disbelief. “Hey, do you wanna come over to visit one of our cabins?” He put on a voice. “Uh, that depends, what kind of cabins have you got?’ ‘Well there’s one by the lake, one with a nice view of the valley, and one that’s haunted.’ ‘Oh, I’ll take the haunted one!”

“What gets me is he only wanted to visit the haunted cabin while everyone else was out of town. We’ve stayed in our fair share of haunted places, and it was bad enough staying overnight, just me and you, but there is nothing that could convince me to spend the night in one of those places all by myself.”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure none of the places we’ve been to have actually been haunted, but I see what you mean. It’s not fun to go to a haunted house by yourself. It’s kinda boring.”

“Um, we’re not gonna get into this discussion now, because we still haven’t even gotten to the theories yet, but you’re wrong.”

The case came to light again in August of 2012, when Federal agents arrested Stanford Pines, and detained him for several hours for questioning. By the next day, he had been released, and officials stated that his arrest had been due to a false lead. What exactly that false lead was, however, was never stated.

Now that we’ve gone over the extensive background of this case, let’s get into the theories of what really happened that 4th of July in 1982.

Theory #1: The theory put forth by the police, that Stanley Pines died in a fiery car accident.

“So then how do they explain what happened to the body?” Shane asked.

“It doesn’t say.” Ryan.

“And why were the breaks cut?”

“No explanation given.”

“That’s a stupid theory, those cops ought to be fired.”

Ryan stifled a laugh. “You’re not wrong.”

Theory #2: That Stanley killed his brother, made it look like his own death, and took over his brother’s life. This would explain the loss of his extra fingers, the sudden change in behavior that led him to open up the Mystery Shack, and his sudden acquisition of Stanley’s car. It does not, however, explain the lack of a body in the crash.

“He could have disposed of his brother’s body somewhere else, and then just like, left an ice block on the gas pedal and let the car run itself off the cliff.” Shane theorized.

“That’s possible. I was also thinking, maybe the body was gone. Maybe Stanley didn’t necessarily kill Stanford, maybe they met up in the woods, Stanford got eaten by a bear, and Stanley, who was already in trouble with the mob, took advantage of the situation, and faked his own death.”

“How--why did you work your fear of bears into this?”

“That’s just my variation on this theory.”

“Then why all the secrecy? Why not say that he was the one who got eaten by the bear? Why fake the car crash and then say his brother never showed up?”

“Because if the mob knew he’d talked to his brother before he died, maybe they’d come question him?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s a possibility.”

Theory #3: That Stanford killed Stanley and made it look like an accident. People who support this theory say the psychological trauma and guilt of killing his own brother may have driven Stanford to change his appearance and behavior to more closely resemble that of his dead brother.

“That’s… kind of a stretch.” Shane said slowly. “I feel like, Occam's Razor, theory 2 is more plausible.”

“What makes you say that one’s more plausible?”

“I dunno, just saying ‘He killed his brother and took his place’ seems a lot more likely than ‘The other brother killed him and the guilt drove him to act like his brother. I don’t think that’s how psychology works.”

Theory #4: Both brothers are still alive. Stanley, on the run from the mob, came to his brother Stanford for help. Meanwhile, Stanford was worried about someone or something that was out to get him. They came to a solution that would solve both their problems: switching places. They would fake Stanley’s death, throwing the mob off of Stanley’s trail. Then, Stanley would take Stanford’s place in the public eye, while Stanford went into hiding.

This theory is supported by photos that surfaced on Facebook in 2012. Several photos of Gravity Falls after a series of earthquakes did extensive damage to the town show what is supposed to be Stanford. However, another man that looks just like him is seen standing in the background. Interestingly enough, both mens’ hands are obscured in all of these photos.

While the photos haven’t been analysed by any professionals to definitively determine if either of the men are Stanley Pines, it has been determined that the photos are not edited.

“Would the whole photo recognition software even work on identical twins?” Ryan wondered.

“I don’t think so?” Shane answered unsurely. “I mean, my Facebook facial recognition auto-tag doesn’t even recognize my mom half the time, so I wouldn’t be surprised if twins throw it off.”

“Just looking at some of these photos yourself, what do you think?” Ryan handed a few print-outs from his folder to Shane.

“Oh wow, yeah, they do look alike.” Shane nodded. “Alright, yeah, I’m convinced. We solved it, guys! Video over!”

“We actually do have one more theory.” Ryan informed him.

Theory #5: Stanford was abducted by aliens.

“Oh for f___’s sake--” Shane threw his hands up in frustration. “We have four perfectly good, plausible explanations, and you have to throw that in!”

“This one actually does have some evidence behind it.”

“Bull____, but go on.”

Stanford was a professional paranormal researcher. Although he was very secretive about his research, even to his grant committee, some of his research notes do list looking for proof of ancient aliens visiting the valley before European contact. Could it be the thing he was afraid of was aliens?

“... That’s it?” Shane asked. “When you said this one actually had some evidence behind it, I thought you meant there was a UFO sighting in the same area around the same time.”

“The negative space between the floating cliffs kinda looks like a UFO” Ryan pointed out.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean a random researcher in the 80’s was abducted by aliens! That’s like, if I found a ransom note for you in the office, but I said ‘Well, Ryan was afraid of bears. Bears used to live in California, there’s one on the state flag outside our building. He must have been eaten by a bear.’ That’s the kind of leap in logic we’re talking about!”

Was this a case of fratricide? Or is this the longest and most elaborate twin switch of all time? For now, this case remains… UNSOLVED.

* * *

“It was really hard for me to stay on topic while I was researching this one.” Ryan admitted as they wrapped things up. “There is a lot of weird stuff related to Gravity Falls, we should go there for an episode one of these days.”

“I’d love to do that, it looks like a beautiful place to visit.” Shane agreed. “Are you sure you wanna do that though? It seems like the place is crawling with haunted cabins and bears.”

“Well, one could argue this entire series is about me conquering my fears, so… Why not?”

#Gravity Falls #Fanfiction #Buzzfeed Unsolved #Stanuary 2021 #Stanley pines #My Writing

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hyperfixatinglove · 2 years

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2, 4, 6, 10, & 17 from the bad boy asks for Murphy? 💕

2) What was the hardest part of forming the relationship?

Convince Murphy to give it a try. He was unwilling to commit due to his past and his traumas. All of the shit he went through was also pretty recent when we met and I wanted to commit to him, which didn¨t help his case at all.

He couldn't see how he could move on, the means, concrete means to do so. After Silent Hill, he had hope, his view more optimistic of his own life and outlook on life, despite not all the rain being gone. He still misses Charlie terribly, of course, the wound is not going to heal completely, but he can learn to live again and live with it, cherish the memories.

At least losing Carol doesn't hurt anymore, she hurt him severely when she got up and left after what happened to Charlie. I might've said some harsh words about her when I found out about a letter she had send to Murphy in prison. She was blaming him for their loss. Which to me is utterly baffling, but I guess she was looking someone to blame. Wrong target so I dislike her. The letter might've been the last piece that pushed Murphy to take such drastic measures he did.

To say he has baggage is understatement. It certainly makes relationship with him a challenge, but I mean it in affectionate way.

4) How easy was it for them to admit that they love you?

To say it wasn't easy would be right but too light in expression. Murphy is by nature, closed off and distant. To have him admit fondness is uphill battle, one that he was steadily losing despite his best efforts.

He struggled with it a long time, wanting not to be chained to anyone or anything anymore, but eventually he realized how screwed this line of thinking was of him. He was telling himself lies in order for him to be easier to slip away someday.

He couldn't go through with it, once he tried to pull it off. He was almost through the door of his apartment, never to return, but couldn't. His feelings ran too deep. Instead he came over and once I asked him about the duffel bag he was carrying that had his belongings, he lied and asked to live with me. It wasn't until a while later he admitted the lie.

For Murphy to say out loud he loved me, took him long time. I didn't expect it of him, despite our living arrangement and his fond looks when he thought I wouldn't notice.

He admitted it one night, quiet and scared, having thought about it from every angle for a long while.

6) If they’re usually stoic, are they soft around you?

Murphy tries to be stoic and from certain view, he is. He isn't shocked by things I would be, having lived through such disturbing events through his life.

He does react to things that do shock him openly and cusses freely.

Around everyone else, he's closed off, distant. You don't know that well what goes in his head.

But around me, that changes. He becomes soft and loving, tender.

10) Have they changed for the better since they met you? Have you changed for the worst since you met them?

He has. I've helped him, or so he claims, with his grief, giving him something to look forward to in the morning. His sleeping habits are all over the place still, but I'd argue he's better. Healing isn't linear and happens to wobble all over the place after all.

He would've stayed on the run forever, if not for me. The only reason he could go back to Ryall and sit the remained time he had before wounding up in the silent town is me. We wrote every day, he expressed many times I keep him sane.

Murphy has the misfortune of having the most fucked up combo of traumas; being orphan and raised in monastery, losing loved ones, prison trauma, killed a man, got blackmailed, survived town full of monsters and reminder of all his trauma and got trauma from that too!

He was nearly done with his time when Sewell's (his blackmailer) murder was uncovered and with it his role in Coleridge's attempted one. In the end he was deemed to have been blackmailed and forced to be accomplice, not carried this deed. Having Anne-Marie backing him up helped.

After the trial, he could come back no strings attached. He gets to live free and happy life with me, which is miles better than he had in store before he met me. Murphy goes to meet other Silent Hill survivors to unofficial group meetings when he feels like it and has taken quite liking to Harry and Alex and he finds Heather funny.

His life has changed for the better, but I'm not here to fix him, his attitude has changed but not much else.

He told me about the incident he did in prison, the murder that is. The motives, the way he did it, because I asked and he was in mood to tell me. I understand his reasons too much to judge him. Love him, too much to judge him.

17) Was your f/o afraid of commitment?

The last time he committed, life decided to fuck him over. It would be miracle if he wasn't.

But even if he hadn't gone through, everything I've listed, he would still be afraid of commitment, I'm confident to say he was afraid before he married his ex-wife!

So I'm safe to say he was afraid to commit to me, especially with everything.

@the-green-knight I answered your questions here but thank you for the ask! ♥

#letters of love #downpour and sunshine #im sorry but i love my sh postcanon i have crafted #murder tw #i love to chat about him but its hard bc he has basically no canon personality like aiden #ask to tag!!

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algrenion · 3 years

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hey guys!

my friends' cat pulled a dummy move and ate a toy, and however ridiculous this accident is in nature, it did have some pretty serious outcomes that resulted in an emergency vet trip resulting in a LARGE bill

they didnt even ask me to write this, i just love Max and Al and they deserve the world - they give a lot of themselves to help others, me included (they donated to help me get my brain scan when i started having seizures and they've just been... theyve been there for me and protecting and caring for me since i was a child p much lmao they're my family...)

you can read about the details of what happened below (as written by Max, coparent of Hobbit)

My oh-so lovely son Hobbit, the tabby on the left there, one day decided that his regular food and treats weren't enough for him. He wanted to add something with a little more fiber into his diet! He ate part of one of his toys, the dingus. In all seriousness, having to rush him to the San Diego Pet Hospital is not something I'm going to soon forget. His bloated stomach and pained screaming in the cat carrier are not sounds I ever want to hear again. I found the shredded bits of toy a couple of days prior and had just assumed he tore it to bits because that's his usual MO. I would have never imagined he ate it instead, and that it was going to cause a blockage in his intestines that caused him so much pain. It didn't take long for the vet to find out what the problem was and now, one surgery later, his life isn't in danger anymore for which I'm endlessly thankful about. I found Hobbit and his brother Hollow curled up near the back tire of my old car one cold morning on Jan 24, 2018 in ABQ, NM. They were tiny and terrified and letting out the smallest mews I had ever heard before when I scooped them up into my jacket and took them inside. That afternoon I took them to the vet to see if they had chips and they didn't so I had a choice to make. Turn them in to a shelter and hope they got adopted or do it myself. Well 3 years later I have two of the best terrors of cats and I've never regretted my decision to keep them. These two, despite all of the 3 AM zoomies, the vomit on the floor, the scratches on my hands, and the yowling for wet food have seen me through some of the toughest moments in my life. They've been with me through two moves and were there for me when my 17 year old dog had to be put down in 2019. They've kept me sane and alive even when I didn't want to be sometimes. They mean the world to me, and then some. The grand total for the bill was $1,256.91, a good portion of which I'm covering and getting some help from others but this remaining $375 is what I need help with. I wouldn't have any words to express how grateful I would be. Asking for help is something I hate doing but at this time I'm just not in a position to be able to foot the entire thing. CareCredit isn't an option due to financial reasons, I tried but no dice. Any amount helps. Hobbit, Hollow and myself appreciate every cent that goes to this. I know Hollow will be happy to have his brother back soon, he's wandering around aimlessly mowing for him and I know I can't imagine a world where I don't get to wake up with a drooling tabby on me every nap time. From the bottom of my heart, thank all of you.

Now as you can see the bill was $1,256.91,

but the gofundme is only asking for $375

they've almost reached their goal, as i write this they're sitting at $243 out of that ($100 of which was donated by Hobbit's other parent, Alaster) so again, they're almost there! but i could only afford a little bit to donate myself as my studies are calling for a lot of expensive resources right now

if any of you are willing and able to help out, please consider donating because these guys are some of my favourite people in the world

and their cat Hobbit, however stupid, DOES deserve to be in good health

this is really an "every little helps" type of situation

they are $132 dollars away from their goal!

that's a lotta money for one person, but if folks see this and chip in just a little bit each, we could get Hobbit covered as fast as Bilbo Baggins on the back of an eagle (sorry lol)!!! ❤️

and if you can't afford to donate, it would be just as kind if you would share this so other people can see it and consider donating!

thank you guys so much for taking the time to read this post

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reydelcastill0 · 4 years

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He's Like a Fool,

TommyInnit is tired of war. He's been at war for years now. Various different wars. He just... He just wants to grab Tubbo and go away. For a bit. Forever. It doesn't matter. War already took so much, so he's going to start taking back.

War takes a lot from life. It takes away homes, it takes away fun, it takes away safety, and it takes away friends. It especially takes away friends. When the SMP war became full blown, everyone was taken by surprise. At least, all of the L'Manbergians seemed to be that way.

Wilbur knew tensions were rising, they had been for over 19 years, his issues with the Dream SMP predating Dream's reign over it. It wasn't that he had conflictions with the SMP, but his own SMP was too close for their liking. When Dream took over some couple years prior to the war, he was only what? Nineteen? Twenty? Things started kicking off and for the younger L'Manbergians, Wilbur hoped Dream didn't escalate problems. War took away safety from him

Fundy, age 17 when Dream took control over the Dreami people (he had to take over the place he was named after, huh?), didn't expect the war to get to the lengths it did. He was 19 when the war really kicked off, but Eret's betrayal stung worse than the wounds he got during it. War took away friends from him.

Eret really didn't lose much, but you can see the regret in his shadows. Their castle remains empty from true friends. Dream and the other Dreami don't care for her. They gave him a crown and called him king, but he's not anyone's king. She gained so much from her betrayal, but the emptiness of her castle is a testament to the friends she doesn't have. When the election kicked off, his remorse finally caught up to him. They watched Tommy and Wilbur get banished and their heart ached, yearning to help the two. War took away friends from Eret.

Tommy and Tubbo, it would be an injustice to separate them, because war affected them the same. They were so happy before the war started. They had so many friends, both at the Dream SMP and the L'Manberg SMP. Yeah, Quackity came around and got the two into a bit of trouble, but the trouble they got into after joining L'Manberg was much bigger than anything else. They didn't realize until it was too late.

Tubbo almost died in an explosion. Tommy almost bled to death after his duel with Dream. But they got their independence, so war was not an issue. And new people joined, too! War took nothing from them.

They still had the friends that mattered. Being children, nothing, not even war, could take away their happiness. Tubbo doesn't even feel like they lost their home. It burned down, but they had L'Manberg and they had Tommy so it didn't bother them. Tommy, by Wilbur's side, still felt safe, too. If he had the people he cared about still, then war didn't take anything away from him.

Both he and Tubbo were naive to have that sort of mindset. But as the youngest of the SMPs? Could you blame them? They thought they had it good. Dream was their friend again, too, Tommy especially falling into old habits with Dream.

He remembered when he was young. He and Tubbo had been in their own little world. Then Dream stopped by and became their friends. He was so cool, saying how he'd take over the SMP and be a very cool ruler. Tommy admired him, but then Dream took his discs.

The Disc Wars almost took a friend away from him. Almost. Tommy figures that if he and Dream are friends again, the Disc Wars didn't take anything from him. The world was mending.

And then the Election broke it all over again. Schlatt won, Quackity and George proudly standing by his side. Schlatt banished Tommy and Wilbur, keeping Tubbo with him, no doubt as a way to have the upperhand. Without George, Tubbo, and Fundy, the power Schlatt has would be null. Dream doesn't want to hurt his friends, and neither does Tommy, so the two have to stand back and watch Schlatt make his decrees from the sidelines.

Tommy gets Dream's full support, and now his other brother Technoblade is here. He feels safe with Techno around, more safe than he did with Wilbur, his brother, the former President of L'Manberg—

A man reduced to an embodiment of stress. War takes away sanity, too, Tommy learns in the caverns of Pogtopia. Wilbur, publicly denounced by his son. Wilbur, banished from his own land, unable to aid the young members who got left behind. Wilbur, betrayed by his son's best friend whom he was beginning to think of as a son. Wilbur, who lost a nation he has built from the ground up, dedicating his life to it for over two decades (even at the expense of fatherhood, which the consequences of are now taking effect).

Yeah, Tommy only trusts Technoblade to keep him safe, because Wilbur can't even keep himself sane. Tommy, proud as he is, tells everyone that all he needs is Technoblade now, because war hasn't taken anything away from him! Proof? War gave him The Blade.

But Tommy is too proud to tell the truth. This Civil War has taken away so much more than what he's ever gained in life. It took away Tubbo. His Tubbo, his best friend, his true brother.

Losing Tubbo helps Tommy realize that war has taken away everything from him and that he never truly had the things he thought he did. Home? Tommy's home was L'Manberg. Fun? Tommy lost that once the Dream-L'Manberg War started. Safety? Tommy probably lost that back during the Disc Wars. Friends? Tommy has lost all his friends, even if he still has his brothers. Sanity? Tommy can barely keep it. With Wilbur growing crazy, Technoblade is the only decent player interaction Tommy gets.

But war also takes away family. Family is what you make it, sometimes blood members not even being something close to friends. Tommy looks at Wilbur and Fundy as a prime example of that. Looking back on it, Tommy sees how Fundy would always seem like he was just... Acting out of obligation. Fundy denouncing Schlatt shows just how... Sometimes there is no love for your 'family', because sometimes your family is in someone else. Tommy learns later that Fundy even refers to Schlatt as dad, looking at him fondly and being treated by the man like a son. Wilbur stopped doing that in later years. He loved Fundy, but his love for L'Manberg was greater.

So if family is what you make it, then war took family away, too, because Tommy's true family was Tubbo. Yeah, Tommy has his older brothers, all sharing at least one parent, but Tubbo... His bond with Tubbo was beyond any other bond he has. Tubbo is Tommy's family, a brother even if he says Tubbo is more like a cousin.

Tommy just didn't think war would take Tubbo away from him... But then one day, he sees Tubbo again, properly this time. Every time he's seen Tubbo, they're by Schlatt, looking uncomfortable and frightened all the same, a false smirk on their lips so Schlatt is none the wiser about the truth. Except, this time, Tubbo is alone and they look so terribly sad.

"Tubbo...?" Tommy is unsure, disbelief evident in his tone. Since Schlatt took over Manberg, Tubbo lost the light in their eyes. Tubbo is as good as a corpse— no, that's too mean and he doesn't even want to think like that (Tubbo is worth more than a corpse could ever hope to be).

"I— Tommy?" Tears are pricking at Tubbo's eyes (Tommy will deny the same is happening to his own). "Wilbur, too..." Tubbo is starting to tense, as if ready to be scolded or yelled at. They stand up straight like they're getting ready to put on a facade. The action is done easily and clearly, it's instinctual. Tommy wants to ask them about it, ask if Schlatt did that, but Wilbur talks first.

"Tubbo...?" He's choosing his words, "... Are you okay?" That's all he asks. Tommy knows Wilbur is trying to be more mindful of his words. He wants Tubbo to know he cares because he failed to let Fundy know and now Fundy thinks more highly of Schlatt. Wilbur won't make that mistake with Tubbo, not now.

That's all Wilbur asks, but that's all it takes for Tubbo to start sobbing, their hands flinching. They're aching to hold someone and Tommy, aching to touch his best friend, runs to them and hugs them. And that's all it takes for Tommy to start sobbing, too. Wilbur slowly goes to hug the boys, apprehensive because this is their moment, but he wants to comfort them. They're so young and he took away their youth from them.

"I— I should've gone with you guys," Tubbo. That's all they say. No one says anything, but later Tommy promises to tell Tubbo: "I should've taken you with us."

Tubbo has to leave soon after, but Tommy asks if they can meet up again. Tubbo smiles, doubtful, but they agree to it no less. And Tommy, like a fool, will always believe Tubbo.

Tubbo didn't lie though, he always shows up. And Tommy likes to think he has Tubbo again, but he knows how war works by this point. It could take Tubbo away from him again. And it does, because war never really gave Tubbo back.

Despite telling Tommy they will go back, Tubbo one day stops appearing. And so close to the day that Pogtopia plans on taking a big step against Schlatt. Tommy knows it's intentional, because Schlatt is smart. Pogtopia underestimated the tyrant, for he took an even bigger step first. He took the step when he kept Tubbo and, as a bonus for his decision, Schlatt got to take another step.

Tommy sneaks into Manberg, careful not to let anyone see him. If George or Quackity see him, he will be dead on the spot. But for Tubbo? He'll risk his life an infinite amount of times. He should've been risking his life for Tubbo. Instead, he selfishly had Tubbo go to him...

Tommy makes it to the White House and sees Tubbo with Schlatt, George and Quackity standing beside them, guarding them. Quackity looks uncomfortable, Tubbo looks scared, Schlatt looks angry, and George seems indifferent. He learns why quickly, because Schlatt's booming voice makes it to him.

Schlatt is yelling at Tubbo. Schlatt is yelling at Tubbo.

This fills Tommy with unbridled rage for two reasons. One.) This is how Schlatt normally treats Tubbo (Tubbo said it themself) and he's finally witnessing it for himself. Two.) Schlatt's words are clear enough for Tommy to know what he's saying, and Tommy's mad at himself because Schlatt is yelling at Tubbo for sneaking off at night. Sneaking off to see Tommy. Schlatt found out, but he suspects that maybe the goat-man knew all along.

Tommy sees Tubbo defer to Schlatt and he so desperately wants to go save his friend, but George spots him and pulls out his sword. Tommy is gone before Schlatt can see him.

Tommy knows he can't go back now, not that they know he snuck in. Patrols will be more frequent, so if he goes back, it has to mean something. He decides not to tell Wilbur about this, even if it could bite them back later.

Maybe, he won't ever tell Wilbur. And that thought opens up an idea that Tommy hadn't ever realized could be an option. Running away... He could... Run away and never look back and he could be happy. He and Tubbo could be happy, if he can get Tubbo to run away with him.

Tommy knows it's a bad idea. Pogtopia needs him, his brothers need him, his friends need him, but Tubbo needs him, too. And Tubbo needs Tommy more than everyone else (; Tommy needs Tubbo just the same).

It's better for them. War has taken away so much from them, but... Well if he isn't around war what can it do then? War... Is so tiring. He's lost so much of his youth to it and he'll continue to lose more if he doesn't step away from it.

He's dead set on his plan. Technoblade has farmed so many potatoes since he joined Pogtopia that Tommy could take some without it being noticeable (though Technoblade would notice). If he gathers enough materials, he could take some wood, beds, an ender chest, torches, and stone. Or the tools to get wood and stone, so he supposes that could wait.

He doesn't need much to survive out there with Tubbo. If they play their cards right, the two of them could survive easily.

Tommy doesn't think much else through. Where would they go? What would they do? Would they ever go back? What about everyone else? Tommy doesn't think about how Wilbur would break even more upon the realization that Tommy and Tubbo are gone. Pogtopia wouldn't survive much longer without Tommy. Dream won't have his little champion who does his dirty work.

Tommy isn't thinking about much, but he is thinking about what it means to live a life outside of war. He has memories of a time like that, but he can't remember what it felt like. He can't remember what it felt like to be having fun or to be calm. Tommy yearns for peace, and he has to hope Tubbo still does.

He prewrites the letter he'll leave for Pogtopia. He plans on taking Tubbo there after (if, actually) he convinces the older boy to run away. The letter is addressed to Wilbur, but it's intended for Techno, too. He just doesn't want Wilbur to think it's his fault Tommy is running away. It's Tommy's fault. If he and Dream didn't start the Disc Wars and if he didn't join L'Manberg, maybe he wouldn't have gotten roped into such a big mess. Or maybe they still would've.

He wonders... Where would he be if he sided with Dream? What would he be doing if he stayed with Quackity in his cartel? Would Schlatt be his role model if the man wasn't banned from the Dream SMP? He wonders, but it gets him nowhere. What matters is now.

He sneaks into Manberg again, even more cautious and tries to find Tubbo. He eventually finds Tubbo and Schlatt together again, alone without the others... It's suspicious so Tommy is constantly looking around. He wouldn't be surprised if this was a ploy to sneak up on Tommy.

Eventually Schlatt leaves Tubbo alone, and Tommy sees him breathe a sigh of relief and relax his shoulders. Tommy sneaks over to him and whispers.

"Tubbo, Tubbo can I talk to you?" He asks. Tubbo stiffens up again and doesn't relax.

"Not now." Tubbo says quietly and firmly. He doesn't turn to Tommy and is about to walk off.

"Tubbo... Please can we— Actually," he pauses to think. Maybe Tubbo is being watched. "—Can you meet me later at the dirt shed?"

Tubbo is hesitant, but he agrees to it no less. And Tommy, like a fool, will always believe Tubbo.

[Because He Is]

[But He Isn't]

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cxptain-rex · 4 years

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Underneath The Stars {Captain Rex}

pairings: rex x reader; platonic!jesse x reader

warnings: this angst guys I mean it made me cry so :)) hold on to your handkerchiefs

a/n: I hope you guys enjoy it, I came up with it while listening to ‘Burying the Dead’ it is the last track you hear on the final episode of Clone Wars

tags: @morganas-pendragons @painkiller80 @notreallybeccab @xyxanonxyx @of-stardust-and-dreams cause’ you guys are the best.

***

The stars looked brighter that night on that unknown moon, Rex overlooked into them searching for something. An answer perhaps, anything to guide his way on the new reality of what his older life had become. He oversees the helmets on the valley of the wreckage. Jesse’s helmet hunts his mind and heart, how they were use as pawn for a trick. A mere trick to take over the galaxy.

Rex quivers at the thought of losing his brothers and he for once he cannot stop the tears from dropping. He sobs and mourns throughout the night as the stars shine brightly.

“They are up there now” a voice says from behind Rex, a shadow looms until the light of the stars shine your figure. The captain - whom never liked being a commander anyway - takes a ragged breath as he does not meet your gaze. You frown, following his gaze towards the makeshift cemetery of clones.

Your heart skips a beat as your gaze falls on Jesse’s helmet. Your best friend. Dead. Tears threaten to fall but you push them away. You must remain strong for Rex.

Silence is the only thing surrounding you and for once the Force flows peacefully. It emits warmth and you enjoy it for the time being. You take a few steps forward and plop down besides Rex. Your mind betrays you as you remember how the cruiser fell through the clouds. You remember how Ahsoka didn’t almost got on the bomber with Rex. You remember how you stood behind trying to save your best friend. And failing miserably.

“Jesse! Please this isn’t your doing. Let me help you” you shout over the sound of the cruiser breaking apart. The clone managed to pry himself up, hand on his DC-17 blaster pistol as he points it towards you. The pistol does not scare you away, in fact you stalk towards him with your hands up.

“Please” you whisper as you come to stand in front of him. Jesse cries and trashes in his mind. His subconscious screaming for your help. He knows that it is not his doing but in fact he is being controlled by something rather dark. He wants to scream for you and he tries but he cannot stop pointing his pistol towards you.

“Y/N” he croaks trying to regain control of his mind and body. He fails. “Jesse, I’m right here” you mumble as you feel the cruiser fall faster. Time is running out for you and Jesse. “We have to leave, please” you beg holding out your hands for him to take. You wouldn’t leave the ship without your best friend. Jesse knows he will die. He must do anything to protect you, it is too late for you to make the jump.

Everything happened way too fast for you to think. Jesse with his last free will wraps himself around you, acting as a breaker for the fall. And you fall. Hard and fast. The landing of Jesse and you in his arms alarm you as you try to pry yourself from the iron grip. Black dots form on your vision as you try to comprehend the situation. “Jess” you mumble trying to feel the man but you feel nothing as darkness envelops you. As you fall unconscious, Jesse lets a ragged breath as he feels free at last. He knows he is dying. He basks in the moment of holding you one more time before parting into the stars with the rest of his fallen brothers.

Rex had found you wrapped in Jesse’s embrace, he feared that he lost you both. But his brother managed to save you. The image alone would hunt Rex for the rest of his days. As you break free from the clutches of the memory in your mind, your hand finds Rex’s. Linking yourself to him, your head falls on his plastoid covered shoulder. For a moment you do not find the strength to speak. Silence is the only thing engulfing you and Rex, aside from the stars and the warmth of the fire you and Ahsoka had made earlier in the evening. The Togruta has gone to the night watch, making sure no clones or anyone has tracked you down which you highly doubt.

“Everyone must think that we are dead” you manage to say as your gaze lingers too long into the fire. The comment makes Rex blink until he manages to grasp your chin softly and turn your face towards his. He manages to meet your gaze this time and the usual charm in your eyes has been lost. The blonde clone has no words for you. He hasn’t spoken much since he and Ahsoka landed the bomber on the moon in order to find any survivors. A few words shared but nothing else.

“Perhaps, but we have survived. You know the truth. We survived” and they didn’t he wanted to say but the words did not made their way for you to hear them. Rex cannot bring himself to remember how you pushed Ahsoka towards the bomber and stayed behind. He watched how you ran back for Jesse, he feared for your life. The captain did not see you again until he found you amongst the wreckage. He had no idea how you survived the fall but seeing Jesse underneath you made sense. A crude death for his brother, a sacrifice he made in order to save you.

The stars still shine, they twinkle and your heart cracks. Jesse, Fives, Tup and the rest. And even the ones whom you assume that are as well dead. They are up there, you tell yourself as the tears finally fall. Your heart bleeds for your family. The family you managed to built thanks to a war which only led you to lose it as well. You think about your master, Obi-Wan and for your older friend Anakin, in hopes of believing that they survived. Being left in the darkness with no chance of surviving, just hope. That’s what you have now, hope.

Hope is a bright star in a hopelessly dark universe. Through light years of distance, the brightness fills our inner selves. Hope makes people smile on the inside as well as on the outside. Hope is not just an emotion, it is a promise that smiling and laughter are just around the corner. When the fighter has been laid on the canvas by a well placed right to the jaw, hope is there saying, "Get up. Take a nine count if you must, but be ready to stand, and have the ref dust off your gloves. You're going to win this match." Hope is drawn to the person who sees beyond the present defeat, beyond the moment of being cast down, beyond the loss of the job, and beyond the negative words of hopeless voices. There is that voice from the "bright star" telling the galaxy to look beyond the darkness - to the bright light of hope.

Rex gives you hope and love as warmth fills you again. You lay under the stars, which were like a beautiful, surreal blanket above your heads. You could feel his heartbeat against the back of your head, and could hear the soft breaths of him by your side. That's when it hit you: Sometimes you are like stars, you fall to make someone's wish come true.

The captain takes a deep breath as his eyes follow the twinkling stars above your heads. His lips part as he cradles your hands. “Ni su'cuyi, gar kyr'adyc, ni partayli, gar darasuum.” He says and you follow him through repeating as well. In your mind you repeat the names of the fallen.

“I'm still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal” you whisper softly the Mando phrase in your own language. You hide your face in Rex’s chest, perhaps darkness has bestowed upon the galaxy but your love has light in it big enough to keep you and Rex sane and alive.

As you lay under the stars you manage to find peace within yourself and Rex. Perhaps you might be on the run but your lover remains by your side. You have lost your family but you have love and life. And you must celebrate it. Perhaps not now but later when the galaxy finds peace once again.

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum” Rex whispers loud enough for you to hear. Your heart skips a beat as you meet his gaze, “I love you too, Rex” you mumble brushing your lips against his.

Rex holds you gently, cupping your face with one hand. He leaned down and softly kissed the tender area at the base of your neck. Yout body went rigid with surprise as trembles shook your body and the euphoric warmth blossomed within you once more. You were breathless with delight as he showered you with gentle, soft kisses, each with its own flicker of warmth. You gazed up at him, thrilled beyond words to be the recipient of his affection. Rex drew back again and spent a moment studying your face.

The stars managed to make your eyes alive, and for an instant Rex was drawn back to Coruscant, to his vods, to you. You are the living memory of his brothers and of his former life. You are the only string that keeps him remembering the happy times that he had with his brothers. With his general. With Ahsoka. With you. And he smiles. For one he smiles genuinely.

You felt your blush deepen under his scrutiny. Rex gazed at you lovingly, his eyes softening with tenderness before sparking with something else. He tilted you head to the side and kissed you, his lips demanding. You felt a smoldering heat deep within her as Rex’s grip tightened, crushing your body to his, gentle yet firm. He slanted your head further, deepening the kiss.

The eerie darkness of the night would never escape your memory. You think of the pitch-black curtain draped over the sky, and the twisted, warped shapes that the stars made against the blackness. The milky speckles twirled and danced along the sky in various patterns, tugging at the corners of your lips in a way that almost made you smile. Rex still by your side, the kisses shed by him sparking a fire in you alive. It was hard to shove aside the worries corrupting your mind, but eventually, you stopped thinking. You weren’t alone. You have Rex. Nothing bad from your life could touch you. Not a single thing could harm you or Rex. As you stared up at the sky and studied the silver glow of the stars. They smiled down at you with love so intense it warmed your soul like a fireplace on a cold winter's night. And there you were, laying underneath the stars at midnight to escape your life at the moment, not wanting to do anything but enjoy the moment with Rex. But the look that the stars gave you didn't cause the storm to go on inside of you. Instead, a hot blue fire flickered in your heart and soon started to grow, eating at all of the dark emotions in its path. Your worries burned away, and the tears that were starting to form again at the corners of your eyes melted down your cold face with a rush of relief.

Crying felt good, especially when they were tears that you didn't want to push away. They weren't drops of sadness, no. They were more like the feelings of joy, relief, happiness and freedom streaming away from your hurting eyes. They were temporary cleaners to wash away the pain. You never cried, it just wasn't you even when you lost troopers or anything. But this night, under the protection of millions of stars and the beautiful moon, you felt like you could let the floodgates open with a single snap of your fingers. You stared up at the sky and continued to let your pain run away for the moment. The cold midnight winds rolled in and tickled your body as you layed on the floor, not ever wanting to leave. Not ever wanting to leave Rex’s side. Or the peaceful moment.

You smile at the twinkling stars, knowing that your vods watch over you amongst the stars now.

***

A/N: While I wrote this I cried. For real, I shed tears. I really miss clone wars way too much and I just came up with this and I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did. Thank you guys for being here! It means the world! As always reblog and like for more content

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prosopopeya · 3 years

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New Year’s Meme

this survey has been a tradition among my friend group for YEARS, but i haven’t filled it out since 2015 apparently. i’m not entirely sure why except 2016 was the year a lot of stuff changed for me, namely in that i finally got out of school in some form and started a new job, but i also had a few health problems that kept plaguing me (thyroid medicine being off, vitamin d) and my anxiety was all over the place. so here we go i’m doing it again and feel free to do it too if you want!!

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? tried on wedding dresses. taught virtually. dealt (poorly) with drunk teenagers. performed in a pep rally. wore face masks all the time. i’m going to lump in living with someone. jon moved in october 2019, but i don’t think i did this quiz last year so. taught ap.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? i don’t really like resolutions. they put too much pressure on me and i am a fragile person when it comes to setting expectations and living up to them. i did want to try to read more this year, and i maintained that until the pandemic, and then just kind of gave up requiring myself to do anything but live.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? i don’t think so. a coworker did.

4. Did anyone close to you die? jon’s cousin committed suicide in march or april. the circumstances were pretty upsetting. um. andy died in february, very suddenly. andy was my high school boyfriend for four years with whom i had a very... he scarred me in a lot of ways when it comes to sex and consent. it’s taken me a long time to unpack all of that. and i struggle with how much any of that was his fault or just bc he was a stupid kid too. our mutual friends had nothing but nice things to say about him on fb. anyway. he would guilt me into saying he’d kill himself if we broke up, and jon’s cousin killed himself over his girlfriend. so that was a complex part of the year.

5. What countries did you visit? none. literally the week before the quarantine, we went to asheville to visit jon’s cousin.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? maybe a different job? or at least some peace at doing mine.

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? march 13 we cancelled classes and had a technology training day; the 15th we had another one, and then we were virtual the rest of the term. it was such a sudden shift and while i so loved working from home tbh, it was such a relief after a supremely shitty january/february work-wise, i still had a lot of keyed-up, stressful days centered around transitioning to being the senior upper school spanish teacher. i hate it!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? writing 50k in the month of november. i have literally never done that before and actively reject nano as being typically unhealthy for how my mind works, so it was nice to do it entirely by accident.

9. What was your biggest failure? mishandling the drunken teenagers on that field trip in january.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? i sit crosslegged in my virtual teaching chair and i did it so much that my ankle hurt for the entire summer.

11. What was the best thing you bought? we put a deposit on our elopement in ireland. jon’s wedding ring. (i didn’t buy my wedding dress.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my best friend at work who keeps me sane and is represented by benny in my au, which other than the fact that he is not my sidepiece, is perfect he is crucial to my survival at work and i love him so much. (also he is gay and the french teacher so the benny parallels just keep coming). everyone who tore down a statue in virginia (and other places, but especially monument avenue). everyone putting their lives on the line during this pandemic.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? guess! but aside from all the obvious, i found out a friend of mine at work voted for trump. my work bff and i had been trying for years to sway his politics, but that had us both deciding to give up on him.

14. Where did most of your money go? food, ALCOHOL. god., our savings account. i did a pretty excellent job saving this year, though a good deal of that is because jon moved in and makes more money than me, and also we split all the bills.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? my wedding dress but strangely only when i went to try it on after it came in bc after the purchase i was so sure i’d made every mistake possible. my wedding band. wellbutrin changing my whole life. and, last but certainly not least, the gay angel and the bi(lingual) hunter. i wouldn’t have survived nov-dec in school without that distraction. the election.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? the entirety of taylor swift’s oeuvre this year, maybe specifically “this is me trying”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. Happier or sadder? happier, i suppose, perhaps contrary to what should be the case, but wellbutrin is a hell of a drug. ii. Older or wiser? wiser. ii. Richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? reading. cleaning. exercising.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? stressing. chaperoning.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? so, an update; last year was the first year i didn’t go to my mom’s for christmas. i was supposed to see her for thanksgiving last year, but she basically told us not to come bc she wasn’t feeling up to it (cool!), and we went to jon’s for christmas and my mom’s for new year’s.

this year, obviously we couldn’t go to my mom’s. instead, we rented a little cabin by the lake. it was perfect; it was really really nice inside, the beds were SO SOFT, the pillows were the best things i have ever laid my head on, like i took off the pillowcases to try to find the brand. we had a little tiny christmas tree with tiny ornaments from walmart that we decorated. the 23rd, we went and picked up our wedding bands. we slept two nights in the (cold) back bedroom so i could wake up and look out at the lake. it snowed for christmas. :)

we opened presents on christmas eve, per jon’s family’s tradition. on christmas eve, we also went to his family farm and sat outside and hung out a little. every year his family does like a secret santa sort of thing and i got my first present in that exchange, which is notable bc jon and i are not yet officially married. i got a remote control car -- jon’s idea bc i couldn’t think of anything, and he was so delighted to hear that i loved playing with rc cars when we went to the beach as a kid.

christmas morning we facetimed my parents and opened some presents together. then jon and i marathoned mandalorian (after spending the previous few days watching several die hard movies), and then we watched wonder woman 1984 which was a bad movie.

21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve? ok LAST year for new year’s, we were in a hotel room, so that was nice, bc it meant minimal stress with my parents. i had always wanted to go to this restaurant near us that has a special new year’s menu, so we did that. the night before or after i think we went to cheesecake factory, which was also amazing.

this year currently i’m tumbling and he’s playing pokemon, and in a bit we’ll try to time it so we finish schitt’s creek in time for the new year.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? i re-fell in love with supernatural so that was nice.

23. How many one-night stands? 0. i submit we should randomly change question 23 each year to something more relevant to any of our life experiences.

24. What was your favorite TV program? what did i even watch this year. schitt’s creek. mandalorian. i mean obviously we know supernatural. the circle. are you the one (the queer season). pose. unsolved mysteries. we’re here! perry mason. watchmen. oh maybe that mcdonald’s monopoly fraud documentary. avenue 5. i’ll be gone in the dark. of those i think my favorite maybe is... pose or we’re here.

OKAY UM. on my 2014 version of this there were a bunch of questions about tv shows that i’m putting back in if only for the memories:

25. Which TV shows did you start watching in 2020? the haunting of bly manor, which we still need to finish. derry girls.

26. Which TV shows did you let go of in 2020? HERE’S WHY I WANTED TO RESURRECT THESE. here was my answer in 2015: “supernatural. goodbye, my sweet prince.” CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING BELIEVE

27. Which TV shows did you mean to get into but didn’t in 2020? Why? so far, queen’s gambit and that one on hulu with catherine the great. EVENTUALLY. 28. Which TV shows do you intend on checking out in 2020? fleabag. queen’s gambit. 29. Which TV show do you think you might let go of in 2020 unless things significantly improve? idk i drop things pretty regularly if they don’t entertain me 30. Which TV show impressed you least in 2020? GUYS HERE’S MY ORIGINAL 2015 ANSWER: “supernatural. :(”

anyway back to the rest of the quiz:

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? every person who refuses to listen to facts and information.

26. What was the best book you read? killers of the flower moon: the osage murders and the birth of the fbi, or the his dark materials series.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? well i knew about tswift so i’m not going to count her albums. i will count this song that jon played for me once in the car that got stuck in my head for two weeks straight and led me down into a great related-songs spotify playlist: through the roof ‘n underground.

28. What did you want and get? a wedding dress and a very specific kind of wedding band. a gay angel. a christmas getaway. animal crossing.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? idk i don’t know how many films i saw this year. maybe mucho mucho amor: the legend of walter mercado

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i was 32. we went to an escape room with a BUNCH of people -- work bff, my old work bff and his wife (old bc he quit and we’ve fallen out of touch :(), the cool new physics teacher and his fiancee, and the aforementioned trump voter and his wife, before we knew... we went out for brunch/lunch after. it was pretty great!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? not having to chaperone that school trip in january. dean being bi in english as well as spanish. cas just ilke, appearing in 15x20. not having to physically go back to work this fall.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? no! real! pants!

34. What kept you sane? jon. supernatural (in a way?). animal crossing for a while. wellbutrin! i haven’t really been able to detail this yet, but finally i did something about tumblr and my therapist making me think about adhd. my doctor gave me wellbutrin (bc i lack any official diagnosis and was on anxiety meds anyway, and he was like let’s try this!) and it’s fucking. it’s a fucking godsend. surprisingly enough, my students. trying to provide them a safe space has been a calming thing for me.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? jensen ackles’ silence. misha collins again, i guess.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? the summer was so fucking intense. i guess though it was me trying to exert my influence in a responsible way with my students without trying to try to make them feel uncomfortable but then one kid was a vocally upset trump supporter after the election and i had to try to defuse that situation.

37. Who did you miss? my old work bff. several old friends that i’ve fallen out of touch with bc i have no object permanence.

38. Who was the best new person you met? people i met through the spn resurgence!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: if you manifest it in an au, it will come. no really though. maybe that expectations are only as important as i make them out to be.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: usually i have a hard time coming up with anything for this and i default to looking at my most played songs of the year. my most played song of the year received each and every one of its plays within the month of november and you can guess why. anyway see if this works

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met - the night we met, lord huron

#happy new year #annual meme

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retvenkos · 4 years

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amends pt. 4 // ricky bowen

High School Musical: The Musical: The Series - Slow Burn Ricky Bowen x Stage Manager!Reader Fic. Summary: That’s asking a lot of the theatre gods. Then again, it does include a lot of drama, so maybe it might just work out. pt. 1 // pt. 2 // pt. 3 // pt. 4 // pt. 5 // pt. 6 // pt. 7 // pt. 8 // pt. 8.5-ish // pt. 9 // unfinished

To say that you had been having a hectic week was a gross oversimplification. Ricky and Nini drama aside, the entire main cast was at each other's throats. Gina was sabotaging Nini by making the role of Gabriella an oversaturated triple threat with dances that were impossible to memorize, Ricky and EJ were trying to give each other concussions with basketballs, and at any given moment, all four of them would jump at each other’s throats to secure the lead. Part of you was glad that you never became an actor yourself. Underhanded tricks and backstabbing blows were not things that you were eager to have on a daily basis. That doesn’t stop you from being in the middle, though. Perks of being in charge! You get to deal with everyone’s drama.

To top it all off, you had two essays due the next day, and you had only started on one.

The only one thriving was Seb, who was perfect every time you saw him - onstage and off. You tried to figure out what his secret was, but according to Carlos, there wasn’t one. Perfection simply happens to ‘unproblematic cinnamon rolls’ naturally. What a concept.

But all shows hit stormy, turbulent waters at some point in the rehearsal process. Hopefully, it would be smooth sailing from that moment onward. You didn’t think you could handle much more. That’s why you were so relieved when you got a text from Ricky’s friend, Big Red, asking if he could be a part of the crew. An extra pair of hands was just the thing you needed.

Turning the corner to where Carlos had said rehearsal was going to start, you almost ran into a few, wide-eyed ensemble members. It was only after you started to weave your way to the front of the group that you realized why they had looked so shaken.

Nini and EJ. Standing a few paces away from the group, a pointed space between them as they argued. Their voices were low, but any conversation that had been happening in the hallway had stopped as everyone listened to them with bated breath. You moved to stand next to Big Red, vowing to talk to him after you finished listening to what happened between Nini and EJ. In your defense, it was your job to know what was happening between your leads chemistry wise. After all, Ricky had texted you to let you know that he was going to be late to rehearsal (it was a group text to you, Carlos, and Miss Jen. It’s not like he had any reason to text you personally. It’s not like the two of you had been texting all week and he was the only reason you were sane or anything…). So Nini and EJ were going to have to be Troy and Gabriella, and this betrayal of trust was complicating things.

“Summer’s over.” The tension in the hallway was palpable. Nini’s face was set in harsh lines, and although you couldn’t see his face, you could imagine his eyes widening in panic as his jaw worked soundlessly, trying to come up with an answer.

You turned to Seb as he pretended to be reading from his binder. He looked at you, his head never moving. “Are they…?” you whispered, trying to remain inconspicuous as Nini now faced the group. His nod was almost nonexistent, but the look in his eyes told you everything. Great. So much for clear skies and smooth sailing. You looked at how EJ looked at Nini longingly, the realization of how badly he messed up dawning on his face. Then you looked at Nini, her face solid stone while her head and heart raged within. A hurricane was coming, that much was certain.

Carlos and Natalie ran out of the room that everyone was waiting outside of, effectively disrupting the dark mood that hung in the air. You took that as your cue to start getting Big Red up to speed on where the musical was. If there was going to be a disaster, you needed all hands on deck.

…

“Since when was blocking like going to hell in a handbasket?” Gina chuckled slightly at your remark as you watched scene seven of your beloved musical crash and burn. Well, not the entirety of scene seven. The first part was great. The ensemble did a killer job being comically terrible at their audition. They Sharpay and Ryan audition was ridiculously good, and Ashlyn killed it as Ms. Darbus. But then it happened. Miss Jen (insisting on using the names of the characters) ushered Sharpay and Ryan offstage and called for Troy and Gabriella to enter stage left. That’s when it all started to go downhill.

You looked down at your notes for the scene as Miss Jen tried to work with the lovely couple onstage. Was it even worth fixing? Part of you wanted to scrap the scene entirely. I mean, sure, maybe it was worth mentioning to Nini that she needed to be more natural in her movements, but did you really need to tell her and EJ to actually look at one another when they sang? If they couldn’t pretend to even be apathetic strangers, could they really transform themselves into being pretend lovers by opening night?

“No, dear, that would be upstage.” You looked up as Big Red furrowed his brow, moving so that he could push the piano in the correct direction. Another note: make sure to teach Big Red blocking terms. Nothing would ever get done if the basics couldn’t be handled.

Your phone buzzed and you tore your gaze away from the mountain of corrections you had. It was from Ricky.

from: ricky

(3:15 p.m.) i’m on my way. my mom got an earlier flight, got held up with family stuff.

You bit your lip as you read his text. Things were very confusing with his family, but you didn’t exactly know how. There had been hints of it at auditions and when the two of you talked about meeting up to practice lines or study for math on the weekends (not that you would ever have the courage to actually get together with him), but Ricky had never explicitly told you much. Not that he had to or anything - you were just worried about him. You could tell that it bothered him. You figured that you would get there in time. Friendship takes time to grow, and personal stuff like that was usually disclosed later on.

to: ricky

(3:17 p.m.) we’re in the little theatre. get here as soon as you can.

Your fingers hovered over the keyboard. Should you tell him that Nini and EJ broke up? You fought with yourself; it wasn’t your business to tell, but it would give a reason as to why he was needed so badly. But then again, if Ricky thought that Nini was available, wouldn’t he try and pursue her again? And wouldn’t that cause her to quit the show from the drama? Wouldn’t that then lead to EJ dropping out too? The last thing you needed was people dropping out or calling it quits. There were only so many actors, and the last thing you needed was a change in dynamics this late in the game.

(3:18 p.m.) miss jen is about to go off the deep end.

Ricky texted back a panicked emoji and you smiled as you locked your phone. It wasn’t a lie, that much you realized as you watch Miss Jen try and salvage the scene with some good, old fashioned girl talk.

Carlos turned around to look at you, a distressed look on his face. “If we can’t get this together soon, we’re going to be behind your schedule.” You sighed, flipping to the schedule at the front of your binder. You had spent hours making sure there was a time for everything. You even color-coded it.

“Maybe we could get some of the individual choreo learned outside of rehearsal time?” You gave Carlos a knowing smile. “You and Seb still have to learn Bop to the Top.” You winked at him jokingly and he laughed, a blush growing across his face.

…

You and the copy machine were good friends. Especially at this point in the rehearsal process. So when Ricky said he needed to borrow someone’s copy of scene seven, you had grabbed Miss Jen’s key off of her desk and made toward the copy machine in the teachers' lounge. Most of the teachers recognized your face in there at this point - you had been making copies for teachers since your first year as a TA for Psychology.

You grabbed the warm pages off of the copy machine and made sure to align them before stapling them in the correct order. Then you sat down at a table and (getting out your pens) started to mark down the entrances and blocking for Troy. Lord knows EJ wouldn’t help Ricky - especially after what went down earlier.

You felt bad for what happened if you were being honest. EJ and Nini were never the perfect match. They both needed someone different. You just weren’t sure if that someone that Nini needed was Ricky or not. They had history, sure; they also had chemistry in spades. But it takes more than that. You knew that. Love was hard.

You let your mind drift to Ricky, with his small smiles and sad eyes. You remembered how happy he used to be. All you wanted was for him to be that happy again.

A teacher walked into the lounge and pulled you from your thoughts. The scene. Ricky.

You quickly finished writing the blocking with a few additional notes and stuffed your pens in your backpack. You made a mental to-do list for when you got home as you walked back to Miss Jen’s office. You stopped outside and rose your hand to knock, but heard something inside before you could make a sound.

“My parents are splitting up.” You knew that voice. It took everything in your power not to gasp. “For real.” You stepped away from the door slowly, letting the voices from inside the office muffle with each step.

You weren’t meant to hear that. You shouldn’t have been listening in on their conversation. If he wanted to tell you he would have. But poor Ricky. It all made sense now. What he said at his audition. The snippets of conversation you heard when he and Nini fought. The reason he could be so despondent. Why he was so afraid of losing people.

You looked down at the copied scene in your hand. Rifling through your backpack to get a pencil, you wrote a note at the top corner of the last page.

--- taglist:

@snowman-spidey, @dinsey-chanel, @ruefulposts, @mightdielater, @ggukstoe, @wallacetdog, @onceuponafanfiction, @goodnight-n-dayglow, @prttybitchin, @loyalucas, @hxney-bunches-x, @hxzstxles, @parkeroffline, @madamestarlet, @parkerharrington, @fudgemesteveharrington, @hobistigma, @farfrom-peter, @fangeekkk, @tori-marie, @amxx44, @onceuponafanfiction, @softpeteparker, @filmqvakers, @wcnderwoo, @stitch-flo, @liberty01, @kxhliforniaa, @ilymarkchan, @complete-trash-101, @dystopianchic13

#hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #ricky bowen #ricky bowen x reader #x reader #fic #fic series #slow burn #stage manager! reader

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sullustangin · 4 years

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Family Life

Since there’s baby fever in Theron-land, I’ll join in. Of course, I’m going to go digging through issues before cute babies happen. So cute headcanon babies up front, then semi-angsty Baby Opposition headcanon (and how that falls apart). Also, does anyone else think Lana would embrace the role of doting cool aunt? Because I think she’d lose her damn mind over registering for the optimal preschool before Theron and Eva figured out what color the nursery is (green, by the way; Lana approves).

So two Shan babies (because Eva remains a Corolastor, but that name is hell to spell when you’re in kindergarten): Argento the firstborn son, the surprise, the silver lining to all his parents’ clouds; he’s Argo for short. Argo has his father’s eyes and his mother’s hair, but he takes after Eva’s father Hadrian in features. Because Theron and Eva were both only children, they decided Argo needed a sibling, and so they have a planned child, who turns out to be a girl, a few years later: Dyominia, for Athene’s mother, the original Corolastor smuggler, Dyo for short. She also has Theron’s eyes and his hair and his chin (which is Satele’s chin), but she takes after Eva otherwise.

The current plan is that Argo desperately wants to grow up and be a Jedi, much like Theron himself, but also like Theron, he has no use of the Force. He trails after Aunt Lana all. the. time. It’s adorable. Dyo actually is Force-sensitive, but she wants to be a smuggler like her mother when she grows up. Theron tries to encourage her to become a Jedi, but no dice -- she’s just as stubborn as he is.

Baby Opposition Headcanon starts here.

Theron never wanted children. He was the first in line to get a male birth control implant when it was approved by the Republic health services when he was 17. He’s replaced it every 10 years, religiously. He was an accident, an unplanned pregnancy, and an unwanted child -- he has no intent of inflicting that on someone else.

Eva didn’t believe her Smug Life is for kids. She was not the person her parents were, and she has done worse things (and continued to do them). Her parents were small-time and family wasn’t incompatible with that. Being Voidhound was very incompatible with a safe, sane, healthy environment. That said, if she was no longer Voidhound or at least the Voidfleet ran without her random acts of violence, Eva wouldn’t have an issue with kids; she had a happy childhood. She didn’t have the issues Theron did, nor the feelings of not being wanted. She was desperately wanted by her mother after a stillbirth in transit.

And then Eternal Fleet happens. Eva’s own birth control implant was left in 5 years too long (she had actually scheduled her own appointment to get it replaced before she got popsicled). Most thought having a new implant was a moot point; the damage was done, but she replaced it anyway, in part to show Theron he could still trust her. She got it removed after health crisis in Theron’s absence during the Nathema Conspiracy. Even after that, with just his implant, the chance of conception is .3% -- male implant failure rate is really low (though women’s implants are still better at 99.9% or .1% failure rate).

I’m currently wrestling over how he acquires them, but I’m planning on Theron reading his father’s personal journals (death? personal favor to review and classify before being archived by Pub military upon retirement? unsure.) Either way, Theron finds out that his father had always wanted him. This was an actual thwarted life goal of Jace to be a dad, as he watched all of his friends do it, but Jace wanted to do it with the one woman he loved -- Satele -- and she dumped him without looking back. He wasn’t going to use some stand-in to achieve one goal -- if he was going to do it, he was going to do it right (in his mind).

In short, Theron’s life didn’t have to be the way it was, because he would have had an overeager, stubborn, awkward man as his father who loved him. Jace still loves Theron now, but it’s not been easy with missing 26 years and then Theron’s departure to the Alliance. The attachment issues are still fresh in Theron’s mind though, because Satele disappeared after they got closer during and after the Yavin campaign. She poofed when the Jedi were wiped out. As far as we know, until the next part of the story when she’s potentially part of a space amoeba, she hasn’t spoke to Theron since just after Eternal Fleet (which is just after he lost his unofficial not girlfriend Eva).

The first baby, Argento, will be a surprise -- but one that’s ultimately accepted and celebrated by both parents. They’re not their parents, for sure, but Theron’s dangerous spy days are over after Nathema, and Eva’s hold on Voidfleet (which she always kept operating as her own private venture, much to the outrage of Hylo) is secure after Red Fang was dealt with. It’s able to be a less violent organization under the day-to-day watchful gaze of Alilia and her son Rogun Jr. (who I actually am excited to eventually write about).

#swtor #theron shan #oc: eva corolastor #theron shan x smuggler #children of characters #jace malcom #lana beniko #cute

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canid-slashclaw · 4 years

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The Outliers - A Guild Wars Love Story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9, Chapters 10 and 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14, Chapter 15, Chapter 16 , Chapter 17, Chapter 18, Chapter 19, Chapter 20, Chapter 21, Chapter 22, Chapter 23, Chapter 24, Chapter 25, Chapter 26, Chapter 27, Chapter 28, Chapter 29, Chapter 30 Chapter 31

The reception was a riotous event with the amalgamation of five Tyrian cultures coming into play. Kaleb and Amalthia had already begun the festivities with a vengeance by consuming almost an entire cask of mead.

"Hold on. Aren't I supposed to take that garland off your thigh?" Kaleb said as he walked with a slight stagger.

Amalthia, who was also a bit more than tipsy herself, shook her head then reached for her a sword that she kept under her gown.

"Come and take it!"

"Bob accepts the challenge!" Kaleb drew forth his long-blade and soon the duel for claiming the garter was on.

Within moments, the husband and wife were locked in a sword fight as each deftly parried the attacks of the other. Kaleb tried in vain to catch his wife by the tail. But in each instance, she was too quick.

"I'm not falling for that again, love!"

Everyone in the wedding reception stood back as they watched the bride and groom clashing blades with each other. Soon, raucous cheers erupted from the many charr that were in the crowd. But it didn't take long for the humans and other races to join in as well.

"Then I guess I'll have to try another approach." Kaleb gently tossed his sword at her (handle first) in the hopes that it would distract her. It worked. By the time she realized the trick it was already too late. Kaleb tripped her over then quickly began tickling her in the ribs.

"Damn you! Stop it! I hate that!" Amalthia said as she laughed uncontrollably.

"Something I found out about dating a charr - they are very ticklish!" Kaleb said with a grin.

He picked her up, reached under her dress then put her back down on the floor and clasped her garter with his teeth. He, then, pulled it off her leg as she lay on the floor laughing. All of the men in the audience let out thundering cheers as he stood up with the trophy dangling in his mouth.

"Not fair! I'm drunk," Amalthia humorously said in protest.

***

The celebration had begun in full swing. Kaleb and Amalthia were the first to take their turn dancing in front of the bonfire, as they were serenaded by a string quartet that played one of their favorite songs. They moved in synchronous motion, each feeling the rhythm of the music.

"I hope I don't vomit on your dress. I've probably had enough mead in me to tranquilize a dolyak," Kaleb said jokingly.

"If you did, I would make you clean it up... using our tongue!" Amalthia gave him an affectionate lick on the nose.

Cynthia, who was dancing with Brad, overheard the remark and decided to chime in. "You two are disgusting. Every time I hear either of you talk, it's something to do with bodily functions."

"Easy in, easy out, I always say," commented Brad.

"It strengthens the relationship," Kaleb said with a chuckle.

"If you say so," said Cynthia.

Amalthia noticed that someone was tugging on her gown. When she looked down, she saw Katie looking up right at her.

"I think we have a new partner, love."

Kaleb invited his little sister to join them in dancing. "Show us your moves, sis!"

Within moments all three of them were dancing together in a tight circle.

Off in the distance, Amalthia's father propped himself up on his wooden cane. As he looked around the crowds trying to find a place to sit down, he heard a strangely familiar voice coming from behind. He turned around to look and to his astonishment, he immediately recognized who it was.

"It can't be... Karla?"

Amongst the throng of people, stood a petite middle-age woman with blondish gray hair tied up in a braid, who looked at him with somber eyes. "Hello Ludrick. It's been a long time."

Ignoring the pain in his foot and knee, the old charr threw down his cane then hobbled over to a human he had loved so long ago. She reached out to him and held his massive pawed hands as he gently placed them around her shoulders.

"I can't believe you're here. How have you been, Karla?"

She averted her gaze, unable to look into his eyes. "I've been well. How about you?"

"Good, but lonely now that my only cub has moved out." He gently began stroking her long hair hoping she would look him in the eyes.

"I am so glad for you, Ludrick. That's why I came. To see your child enjoy a chance we never had," Karla said as tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Karla. I didn't expect you to show up at my cub's wedding. I had given up hope of ever seeing you again and now that you are here, perhaps we could make this a reality... for us," Ludrick said while trying to hold her close.

Karla backed away. "I'm sorry, Ludrick. I wish things were different, but for us they are not. I've moved on. Look over there."

She pointed to a woman with two small children. "That is my daughter Eliana and her to children Robbie and Sabby. I married about a year after our encounter. I'm sorry, Ludrick. What we had was a beautiful moment, but that is all it was - a moment."

Tears fell from Karla's eyes as she clasped hold of the broken half of the medal that the old charr had given her so long ago.

Ludrick's heart sank. "I understand. But grant me one thing, Karla..."

"And what is that?"

The old charr bowed regally then offered her his pawed hand.

"Dance with me."

As Amalthia was dancing with her husband and Katie, her bandmate Navina came up to her and grabbed her by the horns.

"Lookie there, sis. See your sire? If that isn't a love-sick puppy, I don't know what is."

When Amalthia saw her father dancing with the human woman, she suddenly realized what was going on. She turned to Navina and said. "I... I can't believe it. You're right, Navi. Gah! Why didn't he tell me?"

Kaleb was completely confused. "Tell you what?"

Amalthia held his hand as she pointed him towards the direction of her father.

"Don't you see? It's as plain as day just like Navi pointed out. I should have noted the obvious."

"I'm still lost. So your dad's dancing with a human woman... what's the big deal?"

"Ugh! Males, sometimes. So obtuse! My sire was in love with that woman. He never told me straight up, but he did make plenty of comments alluding to that fact. I was just too dense at the time to notice it," Amaltia said while trying to remain calm.

"Then we should leave them alone, dear. Your father probably had good reason for not telling you. And I think I can understand his reasoning too," Kaleb said as he pulled Amalthia closer to him.

"He should have told Ama," Navina commented.

Kaleb shook his head. "No. Her father wanted to protect her more than anything. Besides, if news like that had got out at an earlier time then there's no telling what would have happened to his reputation amongst his people."

"Navi! You're jealous. Admit it!" Amathia said as she poked her bandmate in the ribs.

Navina sighed. "Yeah. I guess you can call it that. Okay, I'll admit - I am very fond of your sire."

"So you and my daddy-in-law got busy in the sheets, eh?" Kaleb said with a smirk.

"Love! Isn't that a bit crass even for a human like you?" Amalthia said chidingly.

"Nah. He's right, sis. I had a fling and now I have a thing for your old sire."

"What did I tell ya?" Kaleb laughed.

Amalthia shook her head. "Don't you break his heart, sis. That old furball has been through too much in his life."

"What about Kren? How does he feel about all of this?" Kaleb asked.

"He's taken Mia's loss very hard. Ever since she died, he's never been the same around me. Even when we mate, it's like he's a million miles away," Navina said with a sigh.

"Speak of the devil... look who's been talking to my dad," Kaleb said as he pointed towards a table at the far end of the dance platform.

Sitting together like two sullen fellows, Daniel and Krenesh took turns downing lagers in successive turns. Krenesh took a long swig from his mug then wiped the foam from his mouth. "I can't wait to get back to the front. Seeing my people dancing around, acting like fools not only depresses me, it makes me really pissed."

"Then you need to take a good look at yourself for once, and think about why they are having all the fun and you aren't." Brad walked over then handed his charr friend a fresh mug of custom brew.

"Bah! You're a human, you wouldn't understand. This sort of stuff makes us too soft. And soft is what gets one killed on the battlefield."

Brad shook his head. "I beg to differ, friend. It's what makes us sane. Anyway, I don't think ‘your people’ is what you are really concerned about."

"Oh?"

"You've been eyeing your girlfriend over there ever since she started hanging with Ama's dad. Have you come to love her as much as you did Mia?"

Krenesh snarled and growled then threw down his mug before stomping off. "That's none of your damn business, human!"

Daniel reached out to restrain Brad. "Let him be. He needs time to come to terms with his loss."

Brad shook his head. "He's not even trying, Dan. If he doesn't acknowledge the loss of his mate now, it will only cause more pain for him in the long run."

Cynthia noticed Brad chasing down the distraught charr, then decided to follow.

"What's the deal with the Blade leader?"

Brad turned to his fiancée. "He's still flipping out over the death of his mate. I just want to help him if possible."

Cynthia pulled him in and kissed him on the lips. "The best thing you can do is to give him his space. If you push too hard, it may drive him even further into depression. Have patience, hun."

Brad sighed then shook his head.

"I just hope he'll be okay."

"He will, so long as he has a friend like you," Cynthia said as she hugged him.

***

"Mind if I join you, dad?" Kaleb asked as he took a seat next to his father.

Daniel nodded then offered a toast. Moments later, Ludrick hobbled in as Kaleb pulled out a seat for the old charr.

"Thank you. My knee has been killin' me."

"Cheers, Ludrick," Daniel said while lifting up his mug.

"Cheers."

Kaleb looked at both of his fathers and grinned. He decided not to ask Amalthia's father about his interaction with that human woman as doing so might open up old emotional wounds.

"Quite a bash, huh?"

"You're four sheets into the wind, son."

Ludrick laughed. "I think it's more like, five sheets."

"Hey! I can hold my liquor quite well, in fact. My wife can attest to that," Kaleb said as he tried gulping down another ale. His attempt was only moderately successful as part of his drink wound up spilling onto his outfit.

"Ariyana's going to have your hide for staining that drab. That suit alone cost me two weeks worth of income," Ludrick jokingly growled.

Daniel chuckled and shook his head. "Any damages incurred are on me. Listen son, you might want to ease back on the brew. I know the two of you love the stuff, but your lives are going to be very different from here on out."

Kaleb looked at his dad and grimaced. "Oh no. Here comes the sermon. Yes, dad. I will be a fine, upstanding gentleman who is rarely, if ever, completely sober."

"Spoken like a true norn," Ludrick said as he raised his mug to a toast.

Kaleb looked around. "Speaking of norns, has anybody seen Ulfgar?"

"I haven't," Ludrick replied.

Daniel scratched his head then gazed around the partying crowds. "I heard he was gearing up for some big surprise. I wonder what it might be?"

***

Amalthia took Rachel by the hand and led her to just below the summit of Thunder Ride Falls.

"Where are you taking me?" Rachel asked.

"Trust me. It's a special surprise, compliments of Kaleb, Ulfgar and me," Amalthia said as her ears began to twitch.

"Oh. I get it. You're going to take me to the top of those falls and throw me off and make it look like an accident," Rachel commented cynically.

"Come to think of it... that's a very original idea. I hope you can swim!" Amalthia said with devilish laugh.

"Ha! I knew it!"

Within moments, a massive raven flew towards the edge of the falls then transformed into the old norn. Raising his hands aloft, Ulfgar shouted in a thunderous voice. "Rachel Grimwald - word has reached my ears of a certain song of legend you have been seeking. I have searched far and wide for such a balled, from the furnaces of the Black Citadel to the Frozen Wastes of the Shiverpeaks. But it was in Rata Sum that I finally found this tune you so diligently have sought."

As Ulfgar finished his speech, the sound of mechanized footsteps could be both heard and felt beneath the soft ground. Moments later, cresting over the peak, stood four giant golems followed by several strange flying machines carrying various visual and audio devices.

Rachel's eyes flew wide open as she saw the four asurans who rode atop the mechanical devices. "Oh my gods!! It can't be!?"

Soon, the entire valley was filled with the synthesized rhythm of the asuran band, SynR J-TX. Several flying machines hoisted up the band members and their golems from the peak then deposited them on a large platform that was placed at the far end of the embankment.

The electrifying beat of their music soon got the entire reception party hopping with jubilation. Rachel had passed out on more than one occasion due to the sheer excitement. Amalthia and Kaleb, meanwhile, began grooving to the band's latest just-released hit - N.R. GyZ.

Eventually, the festivities came to a close, as Kaleb and Amalthia were both passed out from exhaustion and too much drink. Everyone else, filtered out of the crowd until only immediate family members and close friends remained.

Lifting each one in his mighty arms, Ulfgar hoisted the passed out bride and groom over each of his massive shoulders.

"I'll get these two love pups back to their den. They've had a very busy day."

"Thank you for all that you've done, Ulf. My son will not forget this day."

Brad chimed in. "Given his current state, I think remembering may be more the issue."

"I was much the same way on my wedding day," Daniel replied as he watched Ulfgar place the passed out couple on the wagon.

Shirley stepped up and chuckled. "It's true. In fact, Dan here left more than one stain on my wedding gown."

Cynthia, who overheard the conversation, let out a long laugh. "Mamma Grimwald! My image of you as being the font of piety is now forever shattered!"

"She was a wild one back in the day," Daniel said as he held his wife of twenty-four years, close.

"People are far more complex than they appear," Ludrick commented as Navina helped to steady him.

"The two of you have been mighty close this entire reception," Cynthia noted.

Navina spoke up. "Okay. I confess. I'm in love with this brute. He needs someone to look after him, so I guess that 'someone' is me."

"What about Kren? How's he going to take it?" Brad queried.

"He has to sort out what happened to Mia first. For myself, I'm eligible to take leave in caring for this fellow's needs," Navina said as she gave an affectionate lick on Ludrick's cheek.

"You are aware just how awkward it will be if the two of you decide to get hitched. I mean you'll be going from Amalthia's 'sister' to her 'mother-in-law'? That's a bit creepy if ya ask me," Cynthia said as she laughed.

"Bah! Marriage is a human ritual. So no worries there. And who knows? If Kren decides to get his head on straight, it may wind up being the three of us sharing the same bed," Navina said with a toothy smile.

"The kinky factor just went through the roof. You think there's any chance of going doubles with Kal and Ama?" Brad said with a sarcastic wink to his fiancée.

Cynthia grabbed him by the ear. She, then, pointed to his lower regions.

"Try it and I'll borrow Navi's claws and use them to take out more than just your eyes."

(All chapters have been posted to AO3. Chapter 31 is posted here.)

#gw2 fanfic #guild wars 2 fan fiction #tyrias-library #the outliers #kaleb and amalthia #cw alcohol consumption

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

Text

I Found - chapter 17

No warnings.

Well maybe some cute Tyler and Ovi ;)

Tagging: @alievans007, @hemmyworthy, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y

A week later he waits across the street from Hargrave school. Leaning back against the driver's door of a rented SUV.; arms crossed over his chest, sunglasses covering his eyes, smoking a cigarette. He'd given up the habit months ago; being in the hospital for an extended period of time successfully cleanses your body and mind of all your vices. But with his desire to drink again returning at a furious and alarming pace and his med use just slightly above normal, he had figured having one awful habit wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

He remains expressionless yet his as eyes are continuously working. Observing the surroundings, scanning the sidewalks and the road for anything that seems suspicious. So far nothing seems out of the ordinary. Drivers behind the wheel of cars idling along the curbs, a lone maintenance worker watering the gardens out from. There didn't seem to be anyone...besides him....casing the place. No cars making multiple trips around the block. Just normal people going about their day: parents waiting to pick up their kids, a handful of early release students trickling through the front doors.

His cell phone vibrates against his leg and he fishes it from the side pocket of his cargo shorts. A smiling tugging at the corners of his mouth. A picture from his wife: a picture of their baby girl in a brightly coloured sundress and matching hat that one of the maids had gifted her with. And at that moment it seems so surreal; the realization that he was a dad again. Some days you're just going through the motions; moving from one moment to the next without even thinking about what you're doing. Other days you're sitting in a quiet room or lying in bed and out of nowhere you think 'wow'. This is one of those times. Where it actually hits him: how far he's come, the good things in his life that he has accomplished, how the guilt and the regret of the past aren't nearly as painful as they were even six months ago. A year ago he'd been hoping to catch a bullet. Now he was desperate to escape catching one.

A text message comes next. Asking him if everything is okay. It's a covert way of asking if he's seen anything troubling or if he's caught wind of any brewing. But he wants to tell her that everything is awesome. That she and their little girl are awesome. That he's sorry for getting them mixed up in his bullshit. That he can't wait to see them. Maybe it's the worry that something will happen to them if he's gone for too long; that he'll get back to the house and all hell would have broken loose and his wife and kid missing. Or maybe it's the reality that the only time he's truly happy is when he's with them. That they are the ones who are keeping him sane. From returning to old habits and old feelings and the desire to just end it all.

He messages back. Telling her that everything is fine. That he's just waiting for the kid to get out of school. That they're going to go somewhere and talk, just the two of them. That he'll be home before dinner is on the table. That he loves them.

The bell rings, signalling the end of the school day. And within minutes the doors are bursting open and students are flowing out; a tsunami of giggling girls talking in ridiculously high pitches, guys with too much swagger and not enough common sense to realize the ladies aren't falling for their fake macho bullshit, jocks picking on the weaker kids. His own high school experience had been normal enough; teetering the line between jock and serious student. But there'd been higher education or career that had appealed to him. He'd always been a tad reckless. Restless. And he needed something with action and adventure. That would keep his body and his mind busy. And he'd enrolled in the army only two days following graduation. He'd always been a naturally gifted athlete; tall, broad shouldered, strong. And passing basic training had remarkably easy.

Eighteen years seemed like a lifetime ago. A lifetime filled with more action and danger and risk of death than he could ever have managed. His own demons making a transition from full time solider to mercenary alarmingly seamless.

He slips his phone back into his pocket as he sees the kid coming down the stairs; alone, eyes downcast, his thumb hooked around the straps of his backpack. He's taller than most of his classmates now. And seems so much older than that kid he'd rescued out of that filthy apartment in Dhaka. He's been through a lot. Seeing and hearing things that no kid should ever have to. The terror of being kidnapped followed by a stranger busting you free, but not before they'd slaughtered an entire room of people. Tyler imagines that he would have been confused; his eyes wide as he stepped over bleeding and broken corpses, following a complete stranger into yet another unknown and terrifying situation. Everything had gone wrong after that. Tyler had never had a job go that bad. There had been injuries and death left behind, but his duties had been fulfilled quickly and successfully. Walking away with no injuries and permanent scars but nice healthy pay checks.

Everything that could go wrong did. A fucked up series of horrible events that came to an end on that bridge.

****

Ovi stops when he sees him; startled at first, his head moving from left to right as he looks for the usual drivers that pick him up. Then a broad smile brightens his entire face and he's practically skipping across the street. Once again throwing this arm around Tyler and embracing him tightly. A year ago he'd hesitated to even touch the kid. When Ovi had clung to him on the stairs at Gaspar's. And he remembers the initial shock of the moment, and how'd he cautiously brought his hand up to the kid's head. It had been a long time since he'd had to comfort someone. He didn't form personal relationships with the people he helped. He simply got shit done and went on with his life.

Unlike a year ago, he doesn't hesitate when returning the embrace. The kid is desperate for affection. He craves it. Needs it. And maybe somewhere deep down inside, Tyler does to.

“What are you doing here?” Ovi asks, as Tyler tousles his hair and the kid steps out of the hug.

“Thought you could use the change of pace. Thought maybe we could go somewhere and talk. Privately. I know it's not easy to get some things out when there's so many ears around.” The guards unnerved the kid instead of calming him. He was skittish when they were around; never able to fully relax.

“About what?”

“I don't know. Things,” he takes the final drag of his cigarette and tosses it to the ground, extinguishing it with the sole of his shoe.

An eyebrow hitches. “You smoke?

“Always have. Just had to quit for a while. Just don't tell my wife, okay? It wouldn't go over very well.”

Ovi nods, moving around to the other side of the SUV as Tyler pops open the driver's side door. Tossing his school bag into the back seat and ready to climb in when a soft, beautiful voice captures his attention.

“Hi Ovi.”

Tyler notices the way the kid's eyes widen, the way he looks both terrified and excited that the young woman has actually spoken to him. She's cute; tall and willowy with shimmering black hair pulled into two braided ponytails. And he grins as Ovi stutters and stumbles over his words, struggling to get out even a simple hello in return.

“I'll see you tomorrow right?” she inquires hopefully, and he nods in response and then holds his hand up in a small wave of farewell before climbing into the SUV.

“Is that her?” Tyler asks, watching through the rear view mirror as she bounces off with her friends, but not before she glances back over her shoulder, getting in one last look. “Is that her?” he asks. “The girl you talked about last night?”

Ovi nods.

“Well done, kid,” he grins, as he fires up the engine. “Well done.”

****

They slip into booth tucked into the back corner of a nearby deli. The flow of traffic is light; two customers sitting right at the corner and a third near the hallway the leads to the washroom, and while Ovi orders from the menu, Tyler opts for black coffee. He sits facing the entrance. Always cautious. Feeling that now familiar weight of the gun that rests on his hip.

Ovi chatters on about school and upcoming football tryouts; sipping a vanilla milkshake and nibbling from a heaping plate of french fries smothered in ketchup. The excitement and the hope for a calmer immediate feature drips from every word. He's optimistic. Enthusiastic. Tyler has provided him with a level of safety and security that he hasn't feel for weeks. Probably even months. Spending most of his days since the extraction nervous about possible retribution, constantly looking over his shoulder and wary of everyone and everything.

“Remember how you were telling me about looking into colleges away from home?” Tyler speaks now, as Ovi delves a little more eagerly into the french fries. “You said you wanted to get away from here once you got out of high school.”

Ovi nods, then his eyes narrow. “You're not going to try and talk me out of it, are you?”

“Naw, mate. I can totally understand wanting to get away. Wanting to escape. It's why I joined the army once I was old enough. I needed to get away from some bullshit too.”

“From your parents?”

“From my dad. My mom was already gone. She died when I was twelve. Car accident.”

Ovi gives a sad smile. “I'm sorry.”

“My old man and I never got along. Even when she was still alive. I don't think he ever really wanted kids, to be honest. He wanted my mom all to himself and then I came along and totally ruined that. He's resented me for a long time. I've always been a burden to him. Someone that cost him too much money and clothe and put a roof over his head. He hated that my mom and I were so close. Not because he wanted to be close with me. But because I took my mom away from him.”

The emotion chokes at him. Sitting heavily in his chest and tightening his throat. In the same way in at that night at Gaspar's when he'd told Ovi about his failed marriage and the death of his son. And he takes a swig of coffee to wash down the mixed feelings of bitterness, grief, and anger.

“So I totally get why you want to get away. I don't think anyone could blame you. Especially after everything that you've been through. Sometimes we have to leave everything behind. Can't have much of a future if you're spending your whole time living in the past, know what I mean?”

Ovi nods.

“You ever thought of Colorado?” Tyler asks.

“Like in the United States?”

“Unless there's another Colorado I don't know about.”

“Isn't it really cold there? Doesn't it snow all the time?”

“Not three hundred and sixty five days a year. It's supposed to be beautiful there. Mountains, lots of fresh air, tons of things to do. That's where Esme's from. A little place with about twenty five hundred people. Her family is still there. Mom and step dad, brothers, a sister. Tons of nieces and nephews.”

“So now you do have a family,” the kids says, and Tyler nods slowly.

“I suppose I do, mate. Would be nice to meet them, though. I've only ever seen them through video calls or talked to them on the phone.”

“So they haven't met the baby then?” Ovi's smile fades. “That's really sad.”

“Yeah, it is. They deserve to meet her. And she deserves to meet them,” he sips his coffee. “We're moving there. When all this is over.”

It isn't finalized; they haven't made any concrete plans. But the other night in bed he'd gone onto the 'net and

looked up houses and job prospects and Esme had seemed warmer to the idea. He can see himself settling down there; buying a fixer upper with a view of the mountains, enough land to have chickens and goats (her idea, he felt they'd shit everywhere even more than chickens) and room for their kids to play. They had just enough money between the two of them in savings that they could afford a decent down payment and still have a bit in the bank for a rainy day.

“You are?” Ovi's eyes widen. “You're going that far from home? Why?”

“It's time to move on, I guess. She gave up everything in her life to move to Australia and take care of me and get me back on my feet. She misses home. And I owe it to her to give her that piece of her life back.”

He also lays out the harsh truth. That he's made a lot of enemies along the way; stepped on a lot of toes. It's naive to think that the actions of the past don't have ramifications on your future. Now that whoever is behind the recent drama knows where he lives, it wouldn't be safe to go back. And he couldn't put his family through that. Instead when everything was over, they'd take their passports and leave. With nothing more than the clothes on their backs and a few personal items. It wouldn't take long to get on their feet; he wasn't worried about not being able to find work or support his family. And if that meant living out of cheap motels until they found a permanent place, it was what he was willing to do.

“But you guys will be even further away,” the kid laments. “What if I need you? You'll be even further away.”

“Not if you come with us.”

Ovi blinks. “Come with you?”

“We don't have a lot, mate. It won't be the life you have here. But at least you'd have a life. You won't have to be a prisoner in your own place. You won't constantly be looking over your shoulder or seeing something or hearing something that makes you think of what happened in Dhaka. It won't be easy. It's going to be hard for all of us. But that's better than what you've got going on here.”

“You really want me there? With you and your family?”

“We won't be able to put you in an expensive school like you're in now. There's no way we could ever afford something like that. And we definitely won't be getting a place like you have now. You're going to have to slum it.”

“I don't care about that. None of that matters to me.”

“You'd be safe there. Safe with us. Most importantly, you'd have people around you that actually care about you. Who worry about you and want what's best for you. You got a shit deal in this life, kid. You've got an old man that doesn't give a fuck about you and put you in all this bullshit to begin with. But you don't have to stay stuck in all of this. And we're worried what might happen to you if you do.”

Tears sparkle in his eyes, yet a broad grin spreads across his face. “You want me to come and live with you?”

“Like I said, we can't give you much. But we can give you a real home.”

“Like a family,” his voice is a near whisper.

“Now nothing's set in stone, mate, so don't get your hopes up yet. There's some things that need to get worked out before we can even start making arrangements to take you anywhere. I still have to go and talk to your old man.”

“My father?” he's perplexed. Maybe even a little scared. “Why?”

“Well I can't just take you out oh India. That's kidnapping. And kidnapping a drug lord's son? Didn't we just go through that a year ago? There's no need to repeat that. I need to go and see him. Have a man to man. He must have at least ounce of humanity left, right? There must be some part of him that cares about his own kid.”

“He thinks of me the same way you do. More like a thing than a person.”

Tyler can still hear those words. As clear as day.

“He doesn't care about anything,” Ovi says now. “Or anyone. It's why I'm in the mess I'm in. Why I was in the mess I was in last year.”

“Well we got you out of that mess and we'll get you out of this one too. I'll talk to your father. Try to reason with him.”

“And if that doesn't work?”

“Well, if that doesn't work, I've got other ways of convincing people to give me what I want.”

“You'd kill him?”

“What?” Tyler chuckles. “That isn't always my go to, you know. I don't always kill people. Sometimes I do other things.”

“Like rescue people.”

He nods. It's the exact opposite of the conversation that they'd had in that bedroom at Gaspar's house. When Ovi had asked if he'd always been this way. Brave.

Ovi sighs heavily. Helps himself to a french fry. Another sip of his shake. Then he smiles.

“You know, I think I could get used to Colorado.”

****

The grass is a stunning emerald green. Sparkling gloriously in the sunlight; plush and smooth against bare feet as she wanders into the courtyard, baby in her arms. Talking something yet animatedly about their new surroundings, about the trees that tower of them, the smell of the flowers in bloom, the way the grass smells and feels, the way the brilliant rays sun cause the ripples in the pool to sparkle and dance. It is a beautiful home with even more beautiful surroundings; modern, spacious, impeccably clean, But inside it was cold and uncomfortable. Sterile. As if no one had lived there for years. Not a spec of dust or a single dirty dish in the song. No sounds of laughter. No conversations around the dinner table.

And definitely no love.

She'd grown tired of staring at the walls; going stir crazy with nothing more than the wander the halls, take a nap, or read a book. She'd tried engaging the workers in conversation; English was their second language and for the most part, spoke it impeccably. But they'd just stared at her as if she'd grown another head. As if she'd broken some written that law that prohibited the help from fraternizing with those that inhabited the house. It was strange way to live; merely floating through your day, no real human contact as you just completed one chore after another. The job had been lonely at times; returning to an empty hotel room, never knowing when you'd step foot through your own front door again. But at least there had always been human contact.

Her heart breaks for Ovi. Being a teenager is hard enough. But being a teenager in his situation was unfathomable. A poor kid thrust into a life of chaos because of his father's poor choices. Left alone in an enormous house, surrounded by beautiful things, yet having nothing to truly cherish. With Saju he'd had least had someone that genuinely cared for his health and well being, even if it did take the threat against his own child to show as much. He'd had someone there to guide him. Protect him. And once he'd died, Ovi had truly been left with nothing.

She selects a spot near the pool, sinking down into the grass, back to the water, legs in the shade cast by a large tree. She places the her thighs, waiting until the cool breeze and the chirping of birds bring on the beginnings of a much needed nap before she leans back. Hands on the grass behind her, head tilted back, eyes closed as she lets the sun bathe her face in warm. Needing a moment of calm. An escape from those eerily quiet hallways and those sterile walls. From the staff always underfoot and watching to fill even her basic needs. From the thoughts of twelve months ago. When she'd met both Tyler Rake and Ovi Mahajan Junior for the first time and her life changed in the blink of an eye.

Nik had called a half an hour before. The news was good but not great. She had been able to track down a last name for Farhad but not an exactly location. With no registered place of address and no known associates, it was proving difficult to to pinpoint is exact location. Somewhere near the market was useless. Those areas were densely populated and the residents and shop keepers feared retribution if they spoke out against the criminals.

It had been the first time in a year that Esme had been the strong and assertive one. Telling her that she didn't want to hear excuses. The anniversary of the Dhaka job was four days away. And she wanted an address and a meeting time set up.

***

“You know, you shouldn't be out here alone.”

Opening her eyes, she places as a hand over them to shield them from the sun. “I'm not. There's two guards on the roof and three constantly patrolling. That is not being out alone.”

“Someone is supposed to be with you at all times. You know the rules.”

“Fuck the rules,” she grumbles. Actually missing the days she was the one on the job, watching out for someone else. “And you're in my sun.”

Jason steps to the side, and she closes her eyes and tilts her head back again.

“You don't need to be here,” she reminds him.

“Someone needs to be.”

“I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And if someone is able to get past two arm guards on the roof and the two out there, then we are well and truly fucked and might as well give up. Because they're obviously superhuman. So...”

“Well forgive me for saying so, but guns can do a lot of damage.”

“You've never heard a first hand account about how a human being can kill someone with a garden rake, have you?”

Jason frowns. “What?”

“It was two people actually. One with the handle and one with the...never mind. Let's just say, it wasn't pretty. Seriously, Jason. Go inside. I'm all out of patience and fucks today. And I like you, but...”

“Well at least one of you does.”

She sighs. “You're still not ass hurt about that are you? You crossed a line. You got called out on it. Live and learn.”

“Sounds like you've been spending the last year of your life making a lot of excuses for him.”

“Sounds like maybe you need stop before you cross another line. You're just here because this is where Nik sent you. We're not here to be friends. I'm just a job. In the same way other people were just the job when I got into the game. It is what it is.”

“What I'm curious about is how the two of you ended up forgetting that. That it you were there to do a job.”

Sighing, she sits up and runs her palms along the sides of her thighs to clear the grass away. “What is your obsession with Tyler? It's kind of creepy. First you kiss his ass royally the first day you meet him and now you're all up his ass for some reason. I don't know what you think you know about him. About us. And to be quite frank, I don't really give a shit. But he's my husband. The father of my child. And I'm not the type that will sit back and let you shit talk him. So if there's what you're here for...”

He holds his hands up in surrender, then unbuttons his suit jacket and sits down on the grass beside her.

“Really?” she asks. “Do you have no concept of personal space? And weren't you told to stay away from me?”

His eyes sparkle mischievously. “Are you going to tell on me?”

“Kid, you are walking a very thin line. You will not like what happens to you if I do rat you out. Remember the thing with the garden rake I just told you about that? That will look tame compared to what happens to you. Why are you like this? Why do you feel the need to be around me? It's just creepy as fuck.”

“Just trying to be friendly, I suppose.”

“Friendly is talking about shared interests and the weather. You're asking me questions about my personal life. That's not normal.”

“I was just curious, that's all. You and Tyler both go on and on about the importance of the job and not forming bonds with the people you help, but the two of you couldn't even follow that yourselves. It seems a little...I don't know...hypocritical.”

“It was a year ago. It happened. Maybe it wasn't the best decision either of us ever made and maybe we should have stopped it, but we didn't. Trust me, we aren't the only two that have done something like that. It happens more often than you think. We're just the ones that got caught doing it.”

Or maybe they just hadn't been very good at hiding it. G had figured it out. Asking about it when she'd met up with him in the woods, where they had hunkered down to wait for Tyler to bring Ovi to the extraction point. Anxious to just get the hell out of there. He'd been more curious than judgmental. After all, he'd met his own wife when he'd been hired to rescue someone. She hadn't been directly related to the job, but their paths had still crossed.

“Come on, you can't fool me,” he'd grinned, when she'd tried denying that there was anything going on between her and Tyler. They'd simply had to pretend they were married and be convincing about it. And she'd insisted that he gave her the bed while she slept on the floor.

Which had been true. Even if only lasted the first night.

“Who cares what people will think,” he'd said. “You're two consenting adults. You ended up getting the job done. Nothing got fucked up because Tyler couldn't keep it in his pants. Hopefully the two of you had some fun while doing that whole pretend marriage thing.”

:If only he'd known just how fun.

“I mean, if you weren't strong enough to stop it, you should have at least been careful about things.”

Esme smirks. “You're starting to sound like Nik.”

“Well, it's true. Don't you think?”

“I think you need to mind your own business kid. What happened between Tyler and I is none of your business. Maybe we should have. Maybe we shouldn't have let ourselves get out so out of control that the thought of being careful never crossed out minds. But it happened. It happened and she's here because of it...” she smiles at the baby sleeping on her thighs; dark eye lashes brushing against her cheeks, mouth moving as if suckling a bottle. And she gently runs her fingers through Amelia's hair, noticing the way the sun picks up the hint of red she'd inherited from her daddy. “..she's here and she's amazing and I'm lucky to have her. To have both of them. Tyler has his issues and his fault. He's not perfect. But he's perfect for me. For us.”

Finally silence. And she feels as if she can breathe again. Not stuck in a seemingly endless circle of having to explain and defend her choices twelve months ago to strangers and friends. Her family had been baffled enough. Not understanding how a simple business trip ended up with her never returning home, a marriage, and a baby. All in the span of less than a year. And if they ever found out the whole truth about the 'business trip'...

***

“Are you happy?” Jason asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Are you happy?” he repeats. “Like genuinely happy. Or are you just stuck?”

“Kid, you must really have a death wish. Asking me stuff like this. What is wrong with you?”

“It's a simple question.”

“It's a nosy ass question. And I don't know you enough to be talking about these things with you.”

“I don't know why it's so hard to answer.”

“I don't know what's so hard for you to understand that I'm not talking about these things with you. Why are you caught up on my marriage? Jesus.”

“You just don't seem happy is all,” he remarks.

“Well forgive me if this isn't exactly the place I want to be. Dealing with the same kind of bullshit that brought me last year in the first place. You have no idea what went down. How bad it went. So you can't even begin to understand why we are all a little fucked up because of it.”

“Like I said. Just trying to make conversation.”

“Well go and make conversation with someone else, somewhere else. This is not the idea of 'me time' I had when I first came out. So if you don't mind...”

He opens his mouth to continue, but changes his mind.

Several minutes pass by before Esme speaks:

“Are you really that into making yourself feel useful?”

“I like feeling useful.”

“And I can trust you? I need to be able to trust you.”

“You can. One hundred percent.”

“I need you to go to Dhaka and track somebody down. Don't ask me why. You don't need to know why. I just need you to do it.”

“I don't know if it's a good idea to leave. Nik said...”

“I'll take care of Nik,” Esme says. “I would do this myself, but I've been out of the game for a while now and I have no resources left in Dhaka. All of my people have moved on to other things. I need you to track this person down and make arrangements for me to meet them. Three days from now. On the Sultana Kamal Bridge. Nowhere else. It has to be that bridge. Can you do it for me?”

“I'd have to leave tonight. It might take a couple days to even get any info. Never mind actually arrange a meeting.”

“Leave now if you have to. But I need you to do this. Can you? Do this?”'

He sighs heavily. Raking a hand through his sandy hair. Then slowly nods in confirmation and asks:

“So what's the name?”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake fan fiction #extraction #i found

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thatssonano · 4 years

Text

Hey, remember the research paper about why TV fails to represent female muslims? Well here it is.

Hey guys,

So I'm finally gonna try to write a real little thing about how TV fails to write muslim women. I thought about doing a real research paper and I wrote the introduction and got really anxious because it reminded of my very stressful master degree lol so this is much more simple. Anyways, let's get to it.

As a kid, I was very hungry for representation on TV. Mostly because I had no models, no one to identify with. As a very introvert and self-conscious kid, I didn't know what to be or what to do. At some point, I started looking up to my sister, very beautiful, very intelligent and very ambitious girl. So I thought "I ought to be like that, that's what a muslim girl like me should be like.”

Thing is, I wasn't as smart as she was, my grades were not as good, I wasn't as pretty or as popular at school, and there was not a single box I could fit in. I ended up being the "weird but nice little sister". But I was so invisible everyone would nickname me "Sarah 2" (my sister's name being Sarah.) And you know what? For the first time, I felt like I existed. Because I was "the little sister". Dude, how sad is that?

I was too white for them, not muslim enough, too weird for them. So obviously, it was tough to pave a way for myself when I was the only girl like me.

The first time I was finally not nicknamed was when I got into college at the age of 17. Only because we didn't choose the same college. And I understood I didn't have to be as smart or as ambitious as her, I understood that I didn't have to get the life she had when I was 22. 22, guys.

I'm turning 26 in one month. And I chose my own life. But God, how much time it took me to realize that there wasn't only one type of "the muslim girl"? 22 years.

I'm not saying that to share about my life or whatever, I just want to show the consequences of not having representation on TV. And for sure, many people don't care about representation, my sister doesn't, my brother doesn't. But I do. Maybe that's because I'm hypersensitive, maybe that's because I believe art should mirror reality. All I know is that it's necessary for many.

I met Sana Bakkoush on a random fan video about several fictional couples on youtube. I didn't know Skam then but there was this second in the video where I would see Noora and William staring at each other or whatever, and there was this beautiful hijabi girl in the back. I had to know what this show was about. So I did my research and binge-watched it. With much luck, I got to the end of the whole show before episode 3 of season 4 came out. So I learnt to grow with Sana, I fell in love with her, and I just felt like I could understand her. I was her. I finally was validated with her. Up until episode 5, all was well. And then,… it just broke? Still today, I'm trying to understand how they could let that happen and I guess there's one obvious reason. The writing staff was white. Julie Andem is white. And to me, if you're not from that community, you should not try to write about this one.

As the plot thickened, you could feel like it was unbalanced, incoherent, and that many things didn't make sense. But that's pretty normal, because if you don't live the problem, you can't understand. Now I won't curse Julie Andem for not trying, but I guess what should have been done was to hire a muslim writer. And God, people can't tell me it's too tough to find. Even if it was not Iman Meskini's job, she could have asked her. God, this girl taught more about ramadan through her ig story than Skam ever did.

Now I'm not saying she didn't do us all dirty when she gave us 9 episodes instead of ten and it all broke us on June 17th 2017 (Yep, this day is a national holiday now). And honestly, I've got not one good explanation for this except they didn't feel her story was that important. Unconsciously, I hope, because it would be too evil otherwise.

The reason, to me, that Sana was so many people's favorite character was because Iman Meskini gave her so much realness. Sana was strong yet vulnerable. Everyone, muslims like non-muslims could understand her, and I think she inspired so many people. Her life is amazing, and she's what now? 22. I really hope she gets a Nobel Prize in the future, she deserves it.

Now let's talk about the others. I think it'd be a bit faster.

Imane Bakhellal. Uhm. Well the main issue is the same, she was written by a white man. So obviously, it was 1. wrong. 2. wrong. 3. wrong. The story barely focused on her faith and whenever we'd see her pray she'd be interrupted. Look, I've been praying for 13 years and the only times I've interrupted my prayer were because I had just realized I had not done wudhu. Or I was too jet-lagged so I was praying in the wrong direction.

Thing is, Imane didn't make me feel anything. And it was even sadder, because I am a muslim living in Paris. To me, her story wasn't focused on her, it wasn't even focused on religion or her struggle living between two cultures. I didn't learn a thing. And God, that hurt. That hurt even more when the director didn't acknowledge it was poorly written and was actually proud of it. It hurt that white people get the right to write our story and we're there, not having any voice. It sucked. But I guess, she had ten episodes, right, even if the last episode was within the same day.

It didn't really bother me that she kissed him. The speech she recited did though. I got really frustrated about it. How hard would it be to find a muslim writer? Honestly, I would have been glad to join them, even as a volunteer.

I'm not actually mad at the actress, I guess it was just a reflection of her relationship with islam. And I know many people got the representation they wanted, but to me, it remains poorly written. To me, it remains hypocrite because they don't get it. Being a muslim woman of color in France sucks sometimes. But having at least her story focused on her would have been great too.

Ok, let's move on.

Amira Mahmood. I love her a little less than Sana, but I mean come on, that's understandable, right?

Amira is strong, she's beautiful, kind, smart. And her season was going well, until it wasn't anymore…. Because, well, it ended. I keep on wondering why it happened and I came with no logical answer. So maybe it was lazy writing, maybe it didn't matter to them, maybe the writers were just tired. I don't know, honestly, I don't know. But it pissed me off bad. (Honestly it was the third character I was let down on, lol, it started to be a lot to handle). Also, the other seasons were so greatly written, they had depth and understanding, it was soft and beautiful. And to me, season 4 just felt… lazy? Sure, I loved Mohammed but the Australia plot wasn't even that important it actually got fixed over text? And how hard would it be to find exciting plot for a muslim character? What? Everything should be about kissing, hair and sex? Well, no. I mean, I would have loved to see her actually working, I would have loved to see her actually bonding with her dad, I would have loved to see her at a boxing game… The summer and fall after I graduated high school was a very hard time to me, mostly because it was a time of discovery and transition. Everything was changing. God, they should have explored that more. So I don't know, I just felt detached then, and I think that's more sad, actually.

But I do believe the actress did a great job, and I wish Tua all success.

Shall I give a little paragraph on Nadia from Elite? Hell yeah I'm going to. Well, the show is focused on sex so, I mean, are we even surprised the writers did this to Nadia? Not really, but we're still mad. Again, it was written by white people; who focused on all the stereotypes people spread about muslims. The strict dad? Check. The very quiet and invisible mom at the mercy of the dad? Check. The muslim girl who does not actually know why she's religious and only follows her parents' footsteps like a sheep because islam is just way too strict so no one in their sane mind would ever venture in such a religion? Check. The hunger for having white friends and doing the same? Check. Falling for a white guy and giving up everything she ever "believed" for him? Check. I hope the writers heard about what people had to say about it.

Honestly, I know some would say "there are muslim girls like this". Well, ok. But what about us? We've been invisible to society for years and years. I grew up without having a single fucking idea about who I was and I just always felt like I was the odd one out. Too white, too Algerian, too muslim, too girly, too boyish, too into traditions, following too much her parents' rules… Well, growing up I just decided, I will never be enough of something, because I’m a little of everything. So yeah, some muslim girls do that, but some others don't. And we want to see these girls too. We want to normalize their way of life, so they can just live. And we want them to have the same screen time than the rest of the cast. And we want them to have exciting plots too.

God, I've been smothered by the fucking veil debate in France for weeks and weeks and I couldn't breathe anymore. That's why we need visibility. To be acknowledged. To erase ignorance and hate. To create a homogenous society in this globalized world where everyone is different and it is okay. Because as long as your liberty isn't in danger, then the other can live as he wills.

To finish I guess some of you would be like “if you’re so eager to criticize the work of others, just write your own story” Well I did. I actually finished one scenario in French and I have just started one in English. But how can I actually make it into reality if I don’t know anyone in the business bold enough to work with me on it?

Honestly if you've read all of that, congratulations, thank you so much, love you all, peace out.

I didn’t write everything I wanted but I believe it’s long enough already lol. Be safe, well and kind. (that’s what Bob Morley says and he’s a king).

#love #islam #muslim representation #skams #Skam #Druck #skam fr #elite #nadia shanaa #amira thalia mahmood #sana bakkoush #imane bakhellal

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mysticjagiya606 · 5 years

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I have always thought it was strange that V and Rika have known the Choi boys since their childhood…The boys being 21 in the game and V being 26.

The only logical age difference would be that the boys were 12 when they were rescued and V would have been 17 years old. (That is being generous since they look about 6 in the photo, but you never know with anime styled artwork).

Considering that Rika and V only broke up shortly before MC joined the RFA, you have to calculate how long the couple had to have been together…9 years. Rika and V have been together for nearly a decade.

V bought Rikas apartment, which would be logically assumed to be directly after she moved out from her adoptive parent’s house.

As soon as V was starting to flourish with his photography and as Rika was just experiencing adolescence and looking for more than the misery she felt with her adoptive parents. Granted, V was the only form of love she knew. They were very young…it makes sense as to why they had an idealized idea of love. Rika wanted to be loved unconditionally…and V wanted to love unconditionally, like his mother described before she died.

Obviously, when they learned about the two abused children from church, they would step in to help. Rika was always wanting to help others and V had a good heart.

Here is what we learned in the Secret Endings, as well as in Saeyoung’s flashbacks.

Saeyoung was offered a job in the agency, by V. To be safe from their politician father, the two had to be split up. After Saeyoung was rescued, Saeran was still at the home. He was being tortured and questioned by his mother…truly believing that his brother abandoned him.

V and Rika wanted to save Saeran too, but it went downhill. The mother refused to give him up and Rika (canon) ends up accidentally killing the twins’ mother in self defense. That is the kind of secret you take to your grave.

Here we are…the GAP.

There is a Wikia saying that Rika kidnaps Saeran into Mint Eye….but Mint Eye doesn’t form until a couple of years before MC appears. This conclusion is drawn from Another Story…which isnt linked to the Canon route.

What really happens in between? When V and Rika are still together?

Like I said, no one explains the gap and the journals in Another Story are not canon. The journals in Another Story only account for if Mint Eye were formed when Saeran was a very young child….which it wasn’t.

So there we have it. The only logical place Saeran could have been is with V and Rika, growing up. This is where the mistakes take root.

Rika and V were kids raising kids…They grew up way too fast and never had the chance to discover themselves or learn to love properly.

To protect Saeran, he would need to be secluded from the outside world. If anyone found out about him, there would be a lot of questions rasied.

V, still having contact with Saeyoung, could not allow the two to have contact with one another. V and Rika moved out into a secluded area by a cliff, which V said Rika suggested for his artistic flair, but honestly, its very convienient for raising a hidden child.

In every route, Searan is extremely familiar with Rika’s apartment. Rika and V also lived together for an unspecified amount of time once the cliff house was purchased and the two were engaged.

Years pass and the RFA is formed. The RFA includes Saeyoung…which is an excellent way to spend time with the boy and make sure he is okay. Again, he cannot contact Saeran, so Saeran would not be able to be invited.

However, Saeran always knew about the activities of the RFA and that his brother was out in the world being “Cheerful” and “happy without him.”

He would have seen his makeshift mom and dad, Rika and V, having fun, chatting and holding parties with the brother he would never be able to speak to again. On top of feeling abandoned, this would create a lot of resentment…

When Rika finally decides to create Mint Eye, we all know that her and V break up. She thinks V abandoned her, even though she left him. She thinks he doesnt want to help save others. She thinks he is a hypocrite and a liar.

Saeran would have seen all of this. He also would have seen V walk away from them and continue to spend time with/chat with the RFA members…including his brother. V didn’t even TRY to get Saeran from Rika. (Which I understand….how could he, without Saeyoung finding out? V isnt a bad person…he just didnt have any other choice.)

In Saerans eyes, it would be very easy to believe that V was a hypocrite who abandoned him…just like his brother did. Rika of course, has a hand in turning him against V, but a lot of it would have happened on it’s own. Rika was basically his MOM since his sorry excuse for a birth mom died…and Rika never left him like everyone else.

His seclusion explains why he is so socially OFF….(not including Ray, because he isnt canon). This explains why he is so utterly devoted to Rika, even without the presence of the elixer. (ignoring the childhood forced elixer because that isnt canon or possible in Seven’s route.) This explains why V couldn’t do anything to save Saeran before it was too late.

V also knew that Rika targeted the RFA members as her primary prey for the Mint Eye. V felt like he had to protect them, as they were never supposed to be dragged into this in the first place. He also felt the duty to preserve Rika’s honor…so the easiest way out was to claim that she died and cut her off entirely. Essentially…from Searans eyes…this would be abandonment. V and Rika saved his life. V was his father figure.

What’s weird is that Cheritz doesn’t really incorporate exactly how long that relationship really had to be and that Rika and V were basically parents.

If V and Rika were together from the twins’ being saved up until Mint Eye was formed (shortly before MC appears), then the story of Rika kidnapping Searan as a child is impossible. That is another reason why Cheritz could not make it canon. It would never fit with the canon route of 707 and the secret endings.

Now, if we want to go ahead and believe in this theory as a possibility…then it would explain other things as well. I am hoping that Rika’s route will come out and explain (canonly) some of the gap…even if it isnt released as canon, it could shed light on some possibilities.

Understanding all of the above, it explains why Rika absolutely LOSES it when V claims their love wasn’t real. Imagine being told that your engagement and 10 year relationship was a lie…after finally leaving foster care and believing that someone finally loves you, unconditionally. After the trauma bonding they ALREADY went through in the past.

It also explains why V has such an extremely hard time coming clean. With this timeline, V has been lying for YEARS. Nearly a decade. He even lied to his very best friend, Jumin.

All of this is especially sad for Jumin, because V is his lifeline. He has no one else. Even as adult friends, they mainly live on memories to get by this phase of dishonesty and absense of V.

Imagine how difficult it would be to admit you were lying and did all of those questionable things?

He would have to admit the existance of Saeran…a child the couple kept secluded from the world. Saeyoung’s true identity…which would put everyone in danger… a child he shipped off to a deadly agency. The twins’ mom…which is a literal murder comitted by the Holy Rika.

It is just too much. It’s too dangerous to come clean. It’s just too much to explain.

The RFA were a group of friends. There was no reason for them to get involved or be put at risk. V puts so much effort into protecting the RFA…On top of that, his personal life is entirely irrelevant to holding charity parties.

Here we can see why V blames himself. He is always saying he does it to protect everyone. He blames himself for everything. Even without Mint Eye, if Rika remained sane, these problems would still exist. This is why he views everything as his mess to clean…even without his idea that his ideal view of love ruined Rika. Now Rika wanted the RFA members to herself in her new cult. It was a mess. Because of this, he is willing to sacrifice himself if it means everything can be fixed. He doesnt care about himself, he cares about protecting everyone else from “his” mistakes. (as he sees it)

We see them repeatedly rejecting getting help from the cops. This may seem stupid, considering that we shouldn’t be encouraging our players to avoid the authorities. Yet, considering the situation, it makes sense.

The murder…the agency…the hidden child…

Even without the cult, everyone would be in danger and in BIG trouble if this was taken to the police. If V were to use the police against Rika and her cult, not only would she not have a chance to be “saved”, but the past would be easily dug up as well. That would be one huge, reputation-ruining, legal fiasco.

The drama would destroy the livelihoods of everyone he cared about. V, a famous photographer…Rika, a well-known coordinator…Jumin, heir to an extremely powerful and known company called C&R…Zen, a rising actor…Saeyoung would be killed by the agency…Only Jaehee and Yoosung would scrape by.

V and Rika made very sketchy and very bad decisions together…even if they had pure intentions at the time. Remember…they were just teenagers when this started.

The mistakes started WAY before Mint Eye was ever an idea. Way before Rika caved into her darkness.

Considering how many years go by….whether Cheritz intended this or not…it would explain SO MUCH. You could make a whole anime or drama out of the eyes of V alone. Perhaps, a lot of this will change once more routes come out.

All I know is that the Choi boys were screwed no matter what and took some serious trauma out of this.

And this, my dudes, is why I REALLY want a Rika route to be released. I want the light shed on what could have happened between saving the boys and forming Mint Eye.

#mysme #mysme theory #mystic messenger #mysme v #jihyun kim #jumin han #saeyoung choi #saeran choi #707 #mysme 707 #mysme rika #yoosung #zen hyun ryu #zenny #jaehee kang #cheritz

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dancinginodessa · 4 years

Text

better late than never

I do a survey every year on New Year’s. It’s currently February 5. We’re going to make it “in the new year” this time so I don’t break my fifteen-year streak, okay?

1. What did you do in 2019 that you’d never done before?

Many things, some of them not suitable for a general audience. (I’ll tell you about Psych Bike when you’re older.) I went camping for the first time, which also means I set up a tent and slept outdoors for the first time. I had a surprise party for the first time, which is less something I did than something that was done for me. I was brave in new ways and drew new boundaries. I finished my first cross-stitching project. I broke my elbow. That last one actually sucked and I am not inclined to do it again.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

My sole resolution is always to read a certain number of books in the coming year. After an intervention from my therapist back in 2018, I’ve kept that number at 52, and this year I again succeeded with 63 total. I would like to think I enjoyed them more and chose them with greater discretion because I wasn’t racing towards an impossible goalpost.

I’m keeping my resolution. I’m also keeping the implicit sub-resolution, which is to continue finding ways to be kind to myself. We’ll see.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I don’t think so, which probably means I’ve forgotten an ENTIRE BABY. Sorry, baby!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother, in October. It was long and slow and agonizing and I miss her terribly.

5. What countries did you visit?

Does...does New Jersey count as a country?

6. What would you like to have in 2020 that you lacked in 2019?

A better singing voice, which means I am going to have to keep singing. But it wasn’t until 2019 that I was brave enough to do karaoke at all, so maybe this is possible!

Also, a short story published somewhere. Hell, scratch that - a short story, finished.

7. What date from 2019 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

October 6: my father’s stroke.

October 7: my grandmother’s death.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Surviving.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not telling people what I needed; relatedly, pretending to myself that I didn’t have needs at all. No one benefits from that. It’s just a good way to cultivate resentment.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I broke my damn elbow while carrying La Croix and no one will ever let me live it down. Also got the sniffles a few times.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Opera tickets to The Queen of Spades, maybe. The jigsaw puzzle I gave Griffin for the holidays, not least because he got me a jigsaw puzzle too and the moment we realized what we’d done was so, so delightful. Honorable mentions: bus tickets, medication, this one really great sweater.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My mother. Me. Anyone on Twitter who made me laugh, especially Ashley Feinberg. The folks at One Story for being so kind when I left. My therapist.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

My mother. Me. The entire administration. The rest of Twitter.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, food, and alcohol, perhaps not in that order. If my parents ask: in that order.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The Fourth of July at the pirate ship; Psych Bike; karaoke night; any of a million things in this neighborhood, because this neighborhood now feels like home, and that’s the most exciting thing of all.

Also, Animal Crossing, though it got bumped until 2020 and I am only just hanging on.

16. What song will always remind you of 2019?

Among others, “The Bad Touch,” because it turns out I absolutely crush that one at karaoke night. Ditto “Truth Hurts.”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder, but how could I not be?

ii. thinner or fatter? Unclear (love 2 have dysmorphia), but I think I gained a few pounds.

iii. richer or poorer? Roughly the same, which is frankly an achievement.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sleeping. Writing. Asking for what I needed. Crocheting and cross-stitching and watching dumb TV. Kissing. Setting firm boundaries with someone in my industry who was harassing me, though that situation is (mostly?) resolved. Being brave - but I was already pretty brave.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Waiting for bad things to happen. They happen whether or not you expect them.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

My grandma is dead - did I mention? So Christmas was spent with my parents at our house, just the three of us. It was strange and sad but kind of wonderful, too. We are all figuring out how this family fits together now that there are fewer of us.

January 7: went to church, went to the Strand, went home and ate soup with Griffin because he was sick and I wanted to be with my buddy.

21. Did you fall in love in 2019?

Kept falling.

22. How many one-night stands?

Funny story! Funny story that I’m not going to put in writing.

23. What was your favourite TV program?

I didn’t watch much TV, but rewatching Parks and Rec has been great, even if some of it didn’t age super well. I’m also literally the last person on the internet to watch The Great British Baking Show and am 10000% on board.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. I’m too tired.

25. What was the best book you read?

I have a whole list, and I could not possibly tell you my favorite favorite. However, a few contenders would be Disappearing Earth by Julia Phillips, Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb, Flights by Olga Tokarczuk, Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino, In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado, etc. etc. etc...

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I’m not sure I actually listened to much that would qualify as a discover and not an extension of my existing interests, but I did discover that music is beginning to bring me joy the way it did in college and which I had been sorely missing.

27. What did you want and get?

A diagnosis. It’s good to have the words for yourself.

28. What was your favourite film of this year?

Lord. What even came out in 2019? I only just saw Parasite last weekend, here in 2020, but it counts, and I’m choosing that. Midsommar ruled too.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 28 and went to a nice dinner with my boyfriend that turned out to be a surprise party with my friends. It was great and I cried.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

My grandmother.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2019?

Bisexuality™

32. What kept you sane?

Last year I said “In no particular order: therapy, my mom, crocheting, cross-stitching, the New York Times crossword, gummy worms, venting to Karen, coffee.”

And...that’s about right.

Shoutout to Xanax, though.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Ruby Tandoh, William Jackson Harper, Michael B. Jordan, Janelle Monae, the bear from MIdsommar (that last one is a joke)

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Everything, but especially family separation.

35. Who did you miss?

My parents, especially after the stroke. My grandmother, always.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

The entire neighborhood crew. I am so lucky to have them.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2019:

You can make it through more than you imagined.

#the year in review

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tok3r · 4 years

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News Punch

I Was An Alien Abductee – What I Have To Say Will Shock You

Sean Adl-Tabatabai

3 years ago

An alien abductee has come forward and publicly revealed the plan extraterrestrials have for humanity in the next few years. After being abducted by aliens for the last 17 years of his life, the anonymous abductee says he wants to share his experience with the public so they can learn the truth about extraterrestrials.

In an online post on a popular conspiracy forum, the alien abductee reveals:

How aliens are able to communicate via telepathy with eachother and humans

The secrets about Earth’s history hidden from us by our rulers

How the universe came into existence (it was NOT the Big Bang or ‘God’ according to these beings)

What the future for the human race holds

Full Disclosure: Revelations of an Extraterrestrial Encounter.

My name is [redacted]. I’m [redacted] years old and I’m going to let you know right away, there’s a whole lot to digest about who I am, why I’m here, and what I’ve gone through in my life.

The thoughts that will go through your head as you read this have kept me awake hundreds of sleepless nights in my life.

I’ve questioned my sanity many times over, but I assure you, in every way possible, I am quite sane.

I’m not endorsing this story, or saying it even really truly happened. I’m only saying I believe this happened to me.

I could be crazy. I could be getting used to spread distraction. I don’t know. I’m just going with what’s gone on in my head over forty years, and saying it like it is.

Just keep in mind If i was telling this for any other reason than a true love for this planet, I’d be telling it to a Hollywood agent or book publisher and charging you money to read it. I’m not.

We all have our reasons for being drawn to the esoteric. Mine was UFOS.

Not my interest in them, but their interest in me. It started when I was only 4 years old. And it’s gone on ever since.

My first experience was a face to face meeting with a strange little Being. We communicated by telepathy and that connection remains today.

It’s a one way kind of communication. I’ve asked a million questions but never really got an answer to any of them.

Well except for one I suppose. I guess she must be able to hear me. The one question I asked the most was answered. It just wasn’t the answer I wanted.

Naturally I wanted to know what was going on…and I always heard the same response. “When it’s time, you’ll know.”is

I’ve gone years with no interaction but she always comes back. Yes. The Being was female and quite motherly in her communication with me.

She tells me things. About myself and about them, and about this planet. And it’s history.

Seems I’ve been at this for quite some time too. I’m a very old soul. She’s recently told me a bunch of things that in all honesty, I already knew, sort of.

I know one thing for sure. Amongst other things, i’m a warrior through and through. That I didn’t need to be told. But just how much of a warrior, I had no idea.

Unfortunately having the heart of a lion only gets you so far. And for me, it’s never been far enough.

That’s why I’ve learned to fight with my mind this time. Even though I spent a lot of my life in a subculture of violence this time around, I see now I had to be there to unlearn the ways I’ve always handled my confrontations. In this life too, but more so in my past lives.

I really am tired of all this. It’s been long enough. Too many people have died thinking we could beat them (the elite force controlling the world) in a physical confrontation.

They didn’t start actually “abducting me” until I was 31 years old though. And I prefer to think of myself as “taken” not abducted.

For the last 17 years it’s been an on and off again thing. I’d just gone 5 years without any contact or communication incidents, but in Aug 2016, (like 4 months ago) things got very serious, very fast.

Life was as normal as I think it’s ever been for me. I was right where I wanted to be, and comfortable with everything my life was becoming. Mine has been a life of constant rebuilding and change.

I went to bed one Saturday night just like any other night. But Sunday morning was not anything like any Sunday I’d been through before.

I woke up and realized immediately what happened. I was freezing. And soaking wet. And I felt like I was in a dream. Have you ever been under anesthetic? Same feeling when waking up. It’s like coming back from, hmmm, i don’t know where, but It’s the telltale sign.

But this time there was more. I had a head full of ideas and an absolute NEED to search out and connect to people just like all of you.

And, she was back. Like never before. And she had a lot to say in the last three months. Wow!

What I’m going to tell you was revealed to me, a bit here, piece there, over my lifetime. It really never made much sense to me though, until now. Now I have the whole truth.

And I do apologize to the people I’ve been difficult with, but you can’t imagine the pressure I’m under with this.

It’s really, really hard to listen to theories I know are incomplete or distraction, while having no ability to present what I know until right now. I was told not to tell anyone.

So, before I go any further, I need you to understand something. Read this next line as many times as you need to.

We, aren’t what we’ve been taught to believe we are! Not at all. Nothing!

What I’m going to tell you may change your life. In what way is entirely up to you.

I see it one of three ways, you’ll hate me forever, you’ll embrace this and know me forever, or you’ll call me crazy.

The reality is there’s been some very big lies told. And I’m going to do my best to explain the who, want, when, where, and why that surround these secrets.

So here it is, the real story as I understand it.

This planet was not the result of a Big Bang or the creation of “God” as we understand Him. The Universe came to exist because of The One.

The One is neither alive or dead, male or female good nor bad. IT just is…

The One is responsible for creating all the framework which functions to provide an environment for everything to exist in.

IT created this planet, and all the other planets, stars, moons, and everything in between.

Unlike the story we were told, “God” does not work alone. The One had some help.

The One created several intelligent races of benevolent Aliens that function to serve The Universe. Like The One, they are Immortal and never die. They are tangible Beings though, just not in the same way we are.

These Aliens are the craftsmen tasked with maintaining the integrity of all The One had created.

Planet Earth was seeded with life by a race of immortal Aliens called Centaurians from a planet called Eden. It’s located in the Centauri star system.

And when I say life, I mean ALL of it. Especially us.

The Centaurians are part of the immortal workforce that service The Universe. They are scientists and geneticists. It was theiru job to seed life throughout The Universe.

There is one exception though. The sector where The Six Headed Beast ruled.

Using a master set of plant and animal DNA supplied by The One, The Centaurians genetically engineered a vast living library of life.

Earth was their seed bank and it was called The Garden of Eden. Easily it was the most beautiful of all the planets. The One had really done a wonderful job.

They used a process called gene splicing, and did this work in labs on Eden.

Each new plant or animal prototype they created was then taken to Earth where it was cultivated.

Not all planets have the same conditions or type of atmosphere. So it also had to be determined which species could exist in different places.

This planet was designed to support many different types of environments and climates that mimic conditions around the universe.

Once these new products were studied, logged, and samples were stored, they were distributed to the planets throughout the universe best suited for each species.

However, in the face of all The One had created, even IT was not perfect. The One had made only one mistake. But it was a big one.

I’m not going to even pretend I understand it. But in the beginning, when The One was the only thing in existence, IT became “lonely”.

To combat this problem, The One divided itself by 25% to create another, lesser version of itself.

This new Number Two later realized that’s exactly what it was. Lesser. The One could have split in half and made them equal, but IT didn’t.

And when The One finished what IT had set out to do, which was create the Universe, and the immortal work force to help complete it, Number Two took offence.

Number Two realized The One had provided no role whatsoever for IT to contribute to all that was created.

Upon realizing the sole purpose of IT’s existence, was to keep The One from becoming lonely again, Number Two decided to leave.

At the time, Number Two didn’t realize it, but the choice to leave, introduced some new things to The Universe. Conflict. And Free Will.

Number Two took up residence in a far off corner of The Universe. It didn’t take long to realize though, IT was all alone.

As The One had divided itself to solve the same problem, so too did Number Two.

But Number Two didn’t want to face the same dilemma, so IT divided into 6 equal individuals. And they quickly set out to develop this corner of The Universe into their very own version of what the rest of The Universe would be like.

The result was a galactic society of miscreants lead by what would come to be known as The Six Headed Beast.

The division into 6 individuals had corrupted key bits of knowledge and understanding from the consciousness of the whole.

This lost knowledge was the reason all the creatures that were created to reside on the planets in this sector, had no soul.

Some of these creatures were worse than others, but none of them could actually be considered good.

They are flesh and blood creatures who only live for a certain length of time and die one day.

We were created the way we were, with a soul, for a reason. The Centaurians wanted to create an intelligent worker who would live on Earth and be responsible for maintaining the integrity of The Garden of Eden.

Tending to this garden would be an extremely delicate, and sometimes dangerous program. They needed leverage to ensure compliance to the job.

Also, since free will and conflict had come into existence when Number Two left, it was decided that from this point forward, immortality would have to be earned.

So it was decided that a promise of immortality under certain conditions, would help motivate this creature called a human being, to serve its purpose to the best of its ability.

A unique approach that would allow human beings to exist as two separate halves of one entity, had been successfully designed by an amazing team of scientists on Eden.

And quickly this design and reasoning for it, was approved by The One.

One half of the human would exist on Eden. The other half would exist on Earth.

The two individual halves of the human being are connected by something called a soul.

Inside the body of each half of the humans, flows a pure form of energy that binds both parts to one another.

A telepathic connection that allowed the two parts to communicate back and forth was also a very useful feature for completing the work projects tasked to the humans.

The half which existed on Eden would work in the lab as a genetic scientist to create new life forms.

When these plants and animals were cultivated on Earth, the process would be conducted by the Earth halves of the scientists whose team had invented the specific species.

This way the scientist and the botanist or biologist could share information to ensure a well cared for and properly designed product was the end result of their efforts.

This telepathic connection was also a way to never forget home and in times of struggle, a voice of reason to offer advice. A friend, so no matter what, no human would ever be alone, like The One had once been.

You likely won’t believe me yet, but that voice in your head, your conscience, is actually what’s left of the telepathic connection to our counterpart on Eden.

Of course today we are raised to believe thinking anything other than “it’s your own voice” will get you locked up in a psych ward.

Big threats to protect big secrets. And big secrets are certainly being kept from us about how and why that connection was lost.

To become immortal, the humans had to live by guidelines and rules and show the intelligence, loyalty, and desire to be a productive, honest, contributing member of the Galactic Society they belonged to.

A series of tests, and lessons would be incorporated into their lives that would determine when they would be ready to achieve immortality.

On Earth everything living has an expiration date, meaning one day it dies. This applies to everything except for one thing, the human soul.

When a human died on Earth, the soul ascended to Eden for evaluation. If it was decided the soul was ready, the two halves would merge into one immortal being.

However, if it wasn’t ready, the soul would experience something called reincarnation where it was sent back to Earth in a new body.

The human would then encounter a more difficult path designed to address the issues that kept it from achieving immortality.

This complex two part creature would be the prototype for a whole new approach to the concept of being alive. If successful, humans could be placed all over the universe.

As The Centaurians hoped, the evolution of The Garden of Eden, and its new occupants, was a great success.

After nearly a hundred thousand years of evolution, only one major change was made to how this system would operate.

It was originally the plan to allow unlimited reincarnation and guaranteed immortality eventually. However, there were unforeseen issues that arose from that idealistic view.

The result was a decision to permit ten chances to get it right and earn the reward of immortality.

By limiting reincarnation to nine times, the decision to populate some of the other planets that had been seeded into life with humans, had passed the scrutiny of The One.

By the way, I told you which star system Eden exists in without feeling like I’m giving up a secret.

Unfortunately, there are people here on Earth right now searching for it, and they already know where they should be looking.

The Kepler telescope made a discovery this year not six months ago in August of 2016

There is one particular planet quite close to Earth. Like close enough where the technology here will allow a probe to make it there in the next 25 years or so.

It’s not Eden. But it’s one step closer. So they really need to be stopped before they get there.

As I said before, I’m an old soul. And I’ve tried more than once to stop those responsible for what I’m trying to tell you, during several of my past lives.

Obviously, I’ve never been on the successful side of any of the battles that have taken place in an attempt to gain control of our own destiny.

I’m sure you’ve realized something must have gone terribly wrong someplace along the line.

Earth is quite obviously not being used by The Centaurians as a living library anymore. It’s being exploited, polluted, and soon enough, will be destroyed.

If you don’t know, there are several tyrannical groups of very rich, very powerful, business men, political leaders and Church officials with questionable ties to each other.

They belong to groups such as The Illuminatii, The Roman Catholic Church, The British Monarchy, and The Freemasons to name a few.

It’s widely accepted that these Billionaire Boys Clubs are up not on the up and up and exist to serve ulterior motives.

They have created, implemented, and enforced a system of corruption, greed, control, and hostility for thousands of years.

The roots of these shady organizations have been traced back to the time of Jesus.

The last attempt to confront these corrupt, power hungry, tyrants was in the early 1300’s.

A very wealthy group called The Knights Templar, that was aligned with The Roman Catholic Church, had found out some extremely sensitive information about Jesus, and the Bible.

Having expressed concerns to a trusted government official about The Church withholding the secret knowledge, The Knights Templar were betrayed and for the most part, disbanded and killed brutally for going against The Pope.

And ever since then these elite tyrants have taken full advantage of the fear they instilled in anyone who may oppose them.

Their stranglehold on the resources and human lives on Planet Earth grows stronger every single day we choose to do nothing.

The Knights knew what I know. Unlike me, they never got the chance to tell though.

Once you know why, and what is at stake, you’ll understand why I’ve made it my choice to suggest we confront these men, end these lies, and try again to rid this planet from their control.

The elite tyrants who control us using money, work hand in hand with the ones who destroy some of us by taking our soul.

The Roman Catholic Church is the real controlling influence behind those running the world, enslaving mankind, and destroying this beautiful planet.

There is no one more powerful than the guy with the funny hat, The Pope. None that are human anyways.

The Pope is always chosen from a secret, and very long list of bloodlines that go back thousands of years to a time when giants roamed the Earth.

Yeah I just said that. But it’s gotta be said. And someone had to say it. And that’s always been my role. To sound the alarm.

But this time the call, MY call, will be heard. This time, the world is ready to hear it. YOU, are ready to hear it!

The age of information has brought a new dimension, one we have never had available before. If you haven’t realized it yet, she told me, IT’S TIME!

This time, we have the ability to UNITE World Wide!. And we will. And we are.

I can feel the soul of every warrior who ever lived and died at the hands of The Elite. All of them. They’re all here.

Some already know it, most don’t, but you all will. The universe will not let you rest until you accept the responsibility of fixing what we have ALWAYS allowed them to do to us.

The Elite aren’t exactly like us in case you haven’t noticed. There is an empty, void, hole in all of “them”.

The world really is an US vs THEM situation.

You may believe “we are all one” and some spiritual awakening is on the horizon, but please, know this: There are TWO different SPECIES living together here on earth. Humans. And Half Breeds.

And no, they are not shape shifting reptilians. In all ways they are identical to us, except for one thing.

They don’t have a soul!

When they die, they are dead. That’s it. No more. They are manufactured.

These soulless shells i’m talking about are The Elite. And they know what they are. Predators. Nasty, sick, twisted, Predators.

There is another group of people who also suffer an impairment of their soul but they have no idea anything is even wrong with them.

At least they have a soul, even if it has been shut right off. As long as it’s there, all hope is not lost.

It’s imperative if we want to experience any kind of freedom again, we begin working together. All men. All for One Cause. One World United.

United, we can move forward into a new Age of Enlightenment.

United, we can be free from all the pain that’s been our lives here on planet Earth.

It will not be easy. But nothing good ever is. Just be certain, if we continue to fall for the tactics that keep us divided, once again, we will fall short. Divide and Conquer will defeat us like it has before in past lives.

The Elite have slowly divided the entire world into divisions so small, they feel confident that it’s just not possible for us to lay aside our differences or seek a new perspective on our beliefs.

I’m hoping that deep down inside though, you feel it! You’ve always felt it. You probably didn’t understand that feeling was your other half calling out to you. And your home. Eden. In all ways possible, they both need you now, more than ever.

For some of us, the connection to our other half is starting to be established once more. I’ll explain why later.

It’s the ones caught deep in this web of lies I worry about though. The ones with the soul affliction.

Things on Eden have taken a very long time to fully recover from the Annunaki Invasion.

The reason is the soul affliction that has taken hold here on Earth lately, has nearly crippled the population on Eden.

The half of the human that’s born and exists on Eden, that’s attached to the people on Earth commonly referred to as Sheeple, (people who can’t see anything at all wrong with how the world operates) are basically handicapped.

They don’t contribute to the workforce, in fact, they take away from it, as they require constant care and supervision.

Despite all that has changed since humans came into existence, the soul still continues to develop properly and in unison with its Counterpart on Eden.

The changes to the minds of the humans on Earth however, somehow have caused the autism -like affliction of the mind running rampant on Eden.

So I’m here on a mission. I’m here to wake you up to what you used to be, to what you are.

And what you need to be, if we ever want to free ourselves from this nightmare we’ve all been tricked into living.

I guess tricked isn’t the best choice of words either. They didn’t trick us, they genetically modified us is what they did.

And what I’m about to tell you now, is where things get intense.

What you think you know about the history of earth and its many different inhabitants, are all lies. And it’s the job of the church, to protect those lies.

And the reward from protecting those lies, goes to the enforcers of the lie. The Illuminati. The Freemasons. The Elite.

Their reward is your life of servitude! And every man, woman and child belongs to them whether you admit it, or not.

Because the elite know they are soulless shells of what we are, they hate us.

Once I explain what they are lying about, and how far they’ve gone to protect the lie, you’ll understand just how much hate for us they hold.

The only other things that interest them are material riches and the thrill of feeling somehow superior as they treat us like garbage in a ruthless pursuit of the Almighty Dollar.

And we allow it because deep down we feel like our souls will live on regardless.

But that was the old way. Soon you will realize how, like me, you’ve avoided the trap and reincarnated here, over and over again.

Until we get this done, we will continue stuck in this loop, doomed to watch history repeat itself again and again.

And I’m going to tell you why.

There was an invasion on Eden, and they lost. The Centaurians are peaceful scientists, not warriors.

The Annunaki, a race of soulless creatures from the far corner of The Universe developed by The Six Headed Beast had come seeking knowledge.

They required technology to save the atmosphere of the planet they came from, Nibiru.

But Eden refused to help them. They were not in the business of cooperating with any of the soulless abominations created by The Six Headed Beast.

And the Annunaki replied in force. In the process of taking what they came for, they also discovered the location of Earth.

They left Eden in near ruins, and made off with some very sensitive, essential information about all life, and about Planet Earth in particular.

The Annunaki first arrived on planet Earth during a cleansing period.

Once all of the different species were properly sampled and classified, or if circumstances required it, the scientists in charge would initiate a cleansing. The eradication of the old, to usher in the new.

The idea being to repeat the same process with new varieties of plants and animals, as they were developed and created on Eden.

This particular ice-age was also to repair a structural issue with the drainage system. A series of massive trenches and gullies were needed and the only thing powerful enough to dig them were migrating glaciers.

The humans all relocated to Africa during that time, moved by ships sent from Eden.

Unfortunately this relocation turned out to be the very thing that gave full advantage to the Annunaki.

The Annunaki were quite pleased with initial test samples they took. This planet was rich with monoatomic gold just as the stolen information from Eden had stated.

The information from Eden provided them with the formula used to create, or repair, an atmosphere. Monoatomic gold is the key ingredient. And they needed a lot.

The next thing the Annunaki did was set in motion a chain of events which accelerated the melting process.

There was a large area though where life was thriving. Here The Annunaki found a creature they hoped could be used as workers for the massive job of mining the Earth. They had discovered humans.

However, these creatures were quite different than anything The Annunaki had ever encountered. They seemed intelligent enough, but they were impossible to deal with.

Nothing, not fear, not pain, not even watching their friends die would sway them to what The Annunaki wanted them to do.

It was almost like these humans had one purpose and couldn’t do anything else even if they wanted.

But it was love for their home and an outright refusal to damage, destroy, alter, or manipulate the Earth at The Annunaki’s request that kept them from conforming.

The Annunaki even tried, unsuccessfully, claiming they were the ones who created the humans.

However, at that time The Annunaki were unaware of the connection the humans had to their other half back on Eden. The humans knew exactly who had arrived.

The Annunaki were in fact, very intelligent creatures however. A series of genetic manipulations performed on the male humans would solve the problem, or so it was believed.

One by one, the male humans were captured and injected with a DNA upgrade that would eventually change the fate of the inhabitants of The Garden of Eden. It would just be a matter of time.

The Annunaki, having completed the genetic tampering, prepared to leave. They needed to give the melting process of the ice covered planet time to do its thing.

A small team was assembled and would remain on Earth to manage and maintain the breeding process of the humans.

This task was put into the hands of a top scientist named Enki.

Enki was a powerful member of the upper echelon of Annunaki hierarchy.

He was very interested in studying the progress on the rate of change in these creatures.

The Annunaki had an amazing gift bestowed by The Six Headed Beast which created them. They had the power to shape shift, or transform into whatever they needed to be. So they took on human form.

Enki stood among the humans and watched as the other Annunaki boarded their ship and left Earth.

At that point the changes to the human mind had not taken over yet, and as the ship left, a legend was born about the ones who came from the sky in black clouds that burned in the sky.

And in telling this legend, the first of the changes began to materialize in the hearts and minds of the recently injected men, as fear crept in and filled them with a brand new perspective on life.

This new emotion clashed heavily with the very limited emotional database humans had been living with up to this point.

It only took a few generations of reproduction for Enki to realize something had gone wrong though.

By this stage there should have been significant changes in the way this creatures mind worked. But the change was minimal at best.

These creatures were learning to simply adapt, and somehow they retained the sense of self worth they had always enjoyed.

Frustrated, Enki began a series of experiments on his modified humans. What he discovered, shocked, and amazed him

In ways he could not understand, it appeared this creature was in fact, two creatures.

Enki began to decipher a series of files that were part of his spoils of war from the invasion of Eden. And what he learned, he could not believe.

These creatures had something called a soul. Something he had never heard of. Something that made these creatures immortal. As far as Enki knew, only The Six Headed Beast was immortal. More than anything, he wanted that! In fact, Enki became obsessed with the idea of living forever.

So obsessed, he entirely forgot why he had attempted to change the humans in the first place.

All that mattered was finding a way to implant or replicate one of these souls into himself.

Experiment after experiment failed. And as these further modified humans got released back among the others, the more damaged the integrity of the humans became.

After several more generations, significant changes could be seen.

So much so that they began to change in their physical appearance over time, not only mentally as the modification was initially supposed to be.

The most significant change was the colour of some of the creatures skin. There seemed to be several distinct skin tones and physical attributes appearing.

Though Enki had yet to discover the secret of the soul, he was forced to turn his attention back to creating a workforce for the mining operation.

He was rather impressed with one particular group that stood out from the others. It appeared this group was going to be the dominant one.

This dominant version of a human had changed almost entirely in colour.

It began with deep dark brown skin like they all had in the beginning.

But now it had transformed to become pale and light coloured, very much like Enki himself.

Up till this point Enki and his crew had lived unnoticed among the humans. But it was time for a change.

It was now about 190,000 Earth years since the Annunaki had left in their flying spaceship leaving Enki and his crew behind.

Enki and his kind lived to be about 360,000 years old in Earth terms. Which meant if he was going to complete the actual mission he was here for, he would have to find success soon. His age was creeping up on him.

The ice sheets that had once covered the Earth had been greatly diminished by this time. And the redistribution of the humans could begin.

Enki had sent for The Annunaki to return. The first mission was to gather all the humans of each kind based on their skin colour.

Then, each “race” was strategically dispersed around the world to the locations that were no longer inhospitable.

There were 4 distinct races based solely on skin tone. Dark brown, light brown, yellow, and white.

The first three races were relocated in their entirety and kept together. The white race however was divided into three groups.

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jenovahh · 5 years

Text

KYKM - 7 Months, 17 Days

Your hand is clutched tightly in his as the two of you dash through the rain, holding on to one another so neither of you fall off the edge of the cliff. Warped crystal is slippery as you found out when you had nearly slid off the edge, Zenos’ preternatural reflexes pulling you back to his side in an instant.

“Have you angered any primals recently Warrior? Or perhaps this is their vengeance; seeing as you always have us caught in some form of inclement weather?” he growls over a crash of thunder, slashing at a mirrorknight with his sword arm.

“How was I to know I would pick the one day it rains in the desert?! Ramuh doesn’t even rule over this domain!” you snap back, pulling him toward a tunnel just ahead of you. “And I don’t think he’s mad at me...” you add as an afterthought, voice sounding terribly unsure.

It matters little as you both skid to a halt in one of the tunnels in the Burning Wall, the glow of the many crystals providing more than enough light. You’re both only lightly soaked, but there is thankfully a torch burning brightly nearby, the two of you crowding near it immediately. The rain shows no sign of letting up, and if anything only seems to come down harder as you stare at the entrances of the tunnel. “It seems we’ll be here awhile yet.” you muse softly, shedding your outer most coat.

Zenos follows suit, placing his on a nearby rock as he watches you fumble around in your pack. “Next time we will not ignore my advice to check the upcoming weather before a hunt.” he admonishes, not at all fazed by your innocent smile.

“We killed it didn’t we? And much faster too, with your help. You have a real talent for hunting.” Your compliment does make him preen a little, though he’s not sidetracked as you intended.

“And we would also be home much faster, had you not declined my advice,”

“To go check the weather, yes, I know.” you pout, folding your arms like a petulant child. “How did you become such a great hunter anyway? If you can find Lampalagua that fast, you could find any S rank quickly I bet. What’s your secret?”

After your struggle to find Safat, the Warrior let Zenos take over as the leader o the hunt. With the right information, luring the beast out was mere child’s play to him, but fascinating to you. Your question seems harmless enough on the surface, making him reach into his memories of when he was young. The memories of his ruthless tutor, of spending the majority of his time locked away in the royal family’s library, with only books and tomes for his companions.

“Soryu?”

Your face is muddled with concern and worry, a gentle hand on his arm, making him wonder how long he had been caught in his memories. “Forgive me, Warrior. I was merely...thinking on how to answer your question.” he hums, staring out into the raging storm.

“I did not think it so personal a question. I apologize.” You whisper, gripping his sleeve a little tighter. Looking at you, he feels a part of himself he thought long buried bumble forth, wary and unsure. It wants to share with you. It wants to open itself to you, just as you had with him. No one had ever asked him much about himself, without some ulterior motive. But you, you wanted to know for the sake of knowing. To know more about him, the monster that he knew he was.

“Come, Warrior.” He moves to sit next to a wall, looking up at you expectantly. “Let us talk, to pass the time.”

You remain frozen there for a few seconds, but eventually move to sit next to him, closer than any normal (some would even say sane) person would dare sit, but still a respectable distance from his side. Resting an arm on one knee, he stares out at the storm again, collecting his thoughts.

“As you might have gathered, I came from a...privileged family. As a child, I could possibly want for nothing. Anything I desired was handed to me on a silver platter. T’was a life that I’m sure many a man would wish for.

I was the oldest child and thus, the one expected and trained to inherit all of the wealth. I had the best teachers, the best instructor for swordsmanship, cruel as he was. My honored father was busy with maintaining his wealth.”

He could feel his fist clench and relax, the memories swirling through his mind with startling force. “I hardly interacted with my siblings, due to my being primed to take over as head of the family one day. My main companions were books, spending hours upon hours locked within our personal library. Studying until I had read every word, memorized every tome. For the times I was not reading, I was trained in the art of combat, primarily swordsmanship due to my inability to use magic.”

He stares at his right hand, a wry smile as he does so. “I studied long into the late hours, trying to find anything to overcome this detriment. I had tried everything, even as far as self experimentation. The memory eludes me, of when I became so obsessed with the notion of gaining power, growing stronger, hunting opponents to see how swiftly I could defeat them. The people around me had ceased to be mortal, but merely machina on rails. Machines moving through the world without independent thought, until they became...” Until they became beasts in the hunt.

“Were you lonely?” Your voice is small and careful, your crystal depths full of understanding and concern. They are not filled with pity, but a genuine care for his well being. “I don’t mean to assume. But growing up without your father being around, or your mother, it must have been very lonely.” How perceptive you were. He had not even mentioned his mother’s untimely death, though he could hardly remember it himself. He could not remember mourning her, or if he had even got the chance.

And was he lonely? With no one but himself to depend on? Never knowing what it was to care or be cared for? Being taught that things such as affection were not needed for the prince of Garlemald?

Maybe he was.

“Perhaps.” he admits, the confession strange to his own ears. “It is but part of the past now. Nothing can change that. Nothing could change what I had become.” he finishes, looking out at the storm once more.

Suddenly there is a weight on his shoulders, the feeling of arms encircling one of his. “It might be the past. But that doesn’t mean that the past doesn’t hurt.” your voice is still quiet, full of a sureness he wasn’t sure he’d heard before. “Our past shapes us into who we are. Our past can hold us back. But it can also help us understand ourselves,” you pause with a warm smile, “and it can help others understand us too.”

You lean your head on his shoulder, fingers snaking down to touch his own. “Have I ever told you that I trust you? More than I have ever trusted anyone before?” you ask, idly drawing patterns on his skin.

He stares at your fingers moving across his own, enchanted by the motion. “No.” he lies, wanting to hear you say it again.

“Well, I do. I trust you more than anyone. And...you’re a really dear friend to me.” your voice trembles, a note of anxiety slipping through. Hearing your confession again fills him with a sense of pride, a recurring sense of peace that only you have ever brought out.

There’s a warmth swimming inside him that he can’t yet describe, but it threatens to take him over. He feels if he does not hold it back, it will fly loose beyond his control. But it must find it’s release some how, the feeling suffocating, as if he is drowning.

Unbidden, his hand slowly moves to intertwine with your own, warmer than he’s ever felt it. You do not reject the action, instead tightening your grip as you stare into his sky blue eyes. “You would be my first friend.” he admits, watching a shadow of sorrow flashing through your eyes before it’s gone, replaced by happiness.

“We can while away the quiet hours, as friend and confidant...” he hears you murmur to yourself, his own words striking a chord within him. Your hands fit perfectly together and not, a wrongness of it settling in, in this body that is not his own. It’s a new feeling, being this close to someone outside of combat, outside of seeking pleasure. Your thumb draws random patterns on his skin as you two wait out the storm in companionable silence, clutching your hand tighter in his.

#zenos #zenos yae galvus #FFXIV #ff14 #Final Fantasy XIV #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #my writings #kykm

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