#I can't believe this is even happening today
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The Curse of Artistic Vision
I think being an artist comes down to developing an image in your head and then feeling compelled to manifest it. Sometimes you are able to improve upon that image in your head. Or you end up with something different that you like better.
But sometimes, for various reasons, you can't quite make that image a reality. And I don't know if other artists feel this way, but it feels like heartbreak every time. Not quite on the level of an incident of human decoupling, but it definitely sticks with you for a long time.
Sometimes I am limited by the current state of my skillset. I just haven't learned enough and gained enough experience to take a photo like the one in my brain.
And sometimes I am limited by my body, which puts huge restrictions on the amount of energy I can dedicate to crafting a photo.
I feel my knowledge and experience has never been at the level I am currently at. I think I have the *potential* to shoot just about anything I can imagine. Which is a cool feeling. I also feel like my image editing and manipulation skills are at the highest they have ever been. Which means anything I can't do in-camera, I can achieve in Lightroom and Photoshop.
But I just don't have a lot of energy to capture photos right now. And I am very limited by how much physical effort I can dedicate to the photographic process. Which is very frustrating. I'm hoping if I build a new studio in the house that will help a lot.
In the meantime, I have this library of images I took before 2017. Many of them I was not able to achieve my artistic vision.
But... I came close.
Which means on many of these old images I can use my editing skills of today to achieve what I could not back then.
And so I have started a huge re-edit project where I go back and realize my images as I wanted them to be.
I had this idea for an image of someone in the middle of a dark forest in an open field reading a book and the only illumination was a lamp that seemed to be plugged into nothing. It popped into my head and it just seemed like a cool photo to create.
In July of 2016, my friend Ryan was visiting and we decided to try it. We even rented a big fancy 50 megapixel camera for a few days. I had never used a professional level camera and it was my birthday and I wanted that experience.
I even had this cool idea to hide a flash in the lamp so it would look like it was illuminated.
The resulting image was not anything like I had in my head. And for some reason, I edited it super bright, and you can barely even notice the cool lampshade flash trick. If you lower the exposure of the RAW file there is a well-defined circle of light in the grass, but it is hard to see in the 2016 edit.
Where is the dark background? Why didn't I underexpose the background to make it look like night or sunset? I knew how to do that back then. I totally could have crafted the photo in my head at that time.
But then I noticed I only took like 8 photos of this scene. And I *always* overshoot. I took 300 photos of a bridge recently.
Then I remembered what happened. We moved a giant rocking chair, a lamp, and lighting equipment to the middle of my neighbor's yard and by the time I was ready to take the photo, I was about to pass out. I believe it was very hot as well.
And so the above was the best I could do under that circumstance. My body limited my artistic vision. And this has been bothering me for years. Sometimes I will think back on this photo and how cool it looked in my head and I will feel that heartbreak again.
When I look at the RAW file... it is actually much better than my edited image.
Which makes me curious why I made it so damn bright. My best theory is I had a monitor that was slowly dying and I didn't realize how dim it got because our eyes are so good at adjusting, and it's possible all of my images from that era were overly bright because I was overcompensating for a dying display.
That fancy camera (Canon 5DS R) was a dream to work with. And having so many extra megapixels to play with is such a joy. People say you don't need more megapixels these days, but when you are doing high level image manipulation, having as much information as possible makes it a lot easier. Especially when making complex selections.
So, I've got a good start. I have a lot of pixels to play with. I was almost certain I could manifest my vision with modern knowledge and tools.
I'll start with the baseline edit in Lightroom. I'm not going to worry about the sky, as that will need to be swapped for my nighttime aesthetic.
The circle of light was there! It was just hiding in my bright exposure. So that's neat. And when you lower the exposure of the background, the lampshade trick presents itself as well.
At this point I was getting excited because I could see the potential. I just had to find the right sky. This one looks perfect.
Okay, it is time for the big reveal.
Did I finally get this image out of my brain and into reality?
I DID!
I don't know if people will like this or find it artistically interesting, but Ryan and I were both very happy with the new version.
Also, I think Ryan's purple shoes really steal the show.
Though I had one idea that was never in my head originally.
Should I try it?
I still haven't decided on the fireflies yet, but Ryan and Katrina like them.
I can't state how nice it was to work on a 50 megapixel photo from a full frame sensor coming from a 10 year old camera with 4 stops less dynamic range and 24 megapixels.
This is zoomed in to 100%!
And the image doesn't even get soft at 300%.
Sorry, I got caught up in the megapixels.
And there is one detail you'll probably never notice unless I point it out, but I completely rebuilt the lampshade because I overexposed it.
I always say small details add up to big results. Plus I had to use some creative problem solving to figure out how to recreate a lampshade and I always enjoy that part of the process—where you don't know how to do something and then you figure it out. Very satisfying.
In any case, my brain feels better now. I feel like I was able to settle something that has been bothering me for ages. And I am grateful I was able to realize my artistic vision—even if it took 8 years.
Here is the before and after. It's fun to switch back and forth.
On to the next photo. And it may involve a furry little orange friend.
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🖤🩶Fallen🩶🖤
~Lucifer x Angel!Reader🪽
Part 1 𖦹 Part 2 𖦹 Part 3 𖦹 Part 4 𖦹 Part 4.5 𖦹 Part 5 𖦹 Bonus?
Summary: After months of being apart, Lucifer spots a familiar looking form under the tree where he used to meet you. But... It couldn't be you... Could it?
Warnings/promises: 18+, teasing, oral (m & f receiving, riding, facial, and a big finish
After a few months of thinking you were dead, Lucifer managed to get to a mostly good place. He stopped crying every day, though he still did on bad days, and he was back to being productive. Though the nights are still hard; plagued by both nightmares of your death and terribly wonderful dreams of your night together. But he could see the progress. He could feel it.
It took a long time but when he felt capable enough, he decided he wanted to go to the spot where you would meet him every time you came to visit. He'd been afraid to come here until now, worried it would sweet him back in his progress. But something about today felt… right. As he approaches, it seems as though someone is already there. A girl, sitting under the willow… A girl who looks just like you.
His heart skips a beat, his breath catches in his throat at the very thought of seeing you again. His fists tighten as he picks up a pace towards the lake, hoping against hope that it's indeed you he's seeing.
You don't look like yourself... He can only see you from behind, you don't look like an angel anymore, but like your demon disguise, with a tail and horns. but the closer he gets the more he's sure it's you.
His heart races as he closes the distance between you, his eyes drinking in every inch. He can't believe what he's seeing, but there's no mistaking it - it's you, transformed into something so dark and sinister, yet still so undeniably beautiful. It was you, his sweet, forbidden love. The seraph he'd fallen for in hell, lost for months. He's sure of it. even just seeing the back of you sitting by the lake, he was sure it was you.
Lucifer's footsteps thud heavily against the earth as he practically sprints towards you, his form casting a long shadow over yours. His breath hitches at the sight of your back, and he knows. He's sure.
You turn with a shocked expression just before he colides with you. His arms around you in a desperate embrace. You sit there, stunned. "L...Lucifer...?"
Lucifer's arms envelop you, trapping you in his arms. His heart is racing, his grip firm on your form. He breathes heavily, as if he'd been running for years; searching for you. "Y-yes...it's me!" he says, still holding you tightly. "How are you here? I thought… I thought you died!?"
You pull back from his embrace, eyes full of pain. "Dead? No... no, you didn't want me any longer..." you say, confused.
Lucifer releases you, his arms dropping to his side. His expression turns incredulous, eyes wide. He shakes his head rapidly. "No! No, no, no... I never stopped wanting you.”
He reaches for your hand, grasping it and pulling you back towards him.
"But... Adam said..." you begin only for your breath to hitch and break off.
Lucifer's face turns horrified at the mention of Adam. He grasps at you roughly, rage filling his eyes. "What did Adam say...?" he asks seriously.
"He... you were there to rescue me... but when you tried he threatened to rip out my primary feathers so I could never fly again... and he made you watch as he... forced himself on..." your voice raises in pitch as you continue.
"yes... I... I remember that. but in the end you... you died..." Lucifer attempts to explain, hoping you have an explanation.
"No... I wasn't dead, I... I woke up later... and you were gone..." you say sadly. "Adam told me that you left, that you were disgusted by me, that you said I was ruined by his seed and that if you ever saw me you said you would smite me where I stood... and then he cast me into hell..."
His face turns to ash and he seems to age quickly as he takes in what happened, shock and guilt spread across his face. He looks away, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He can barely breathe, remorse weighing heavy on him "I had no idea... I swear..."
"I wanted to come find you, I wanted you to care for me but... I was so afraid. I thought you hated me now..." You sob and press your face to hide chest.
His eyes close as he takes in the feeling of your tears against his chest, a deep sadness inside him. He wraps his arms around your back, his hand moving to gently stroke your hair "I could never hate you, my love. I'm sorry... I should have... I should have protected you…”
"No..." you say suddenly, your voice stern. "I didn't want you to come."
He looks down at you, a mix of confusion and pain in his eyes "But why... I would have kept you safe..."
"My punishment for us sleeping together was the punishment of overindulgence. I was to be punished with the sin I committed, which was a sin of the flesh. Then I was to be cast down from heaven." you begin to explain.
His heart clenches as he listens to your explanation, understanding the cruel irony of it all. He reaches up with a hand to gently cup your cheek, his thumb wiping away a stray tear "It was never your sin alone, my love..."
"I know... that's why I didn't call for you. If I'd have called, you would have come immediately to try and rescue me from my punishment, wouldn't you have...?”
His expression falls, knowing he can't deny the truth of your words. He wanted to save you, to protect you. But he also knows he would have doomed himself in the process, and left you alone with no escape. "Yes, I would have…”
"That's why I didn't call you... the trial wasn't only for me... but you as well." You grip his arms tightly, a look in your eyes as though pleading him to understand.
Lucifer's eyes widen, recognizing the pain and heartache in your gaze. His hands reach up to grip yours, seeking to alleviate the crushing weight of your burden "Mine as... I was supposed to be punished as well...?"
You nod. "They deemed me guilty of sins of the flesh and you... of temptation and defilement... of stealing away one of God's beloved ones, and... they decided that your punishment should follow the same standards as mine.”
Lucifer's mind reels, confusion and shock permeating through his form. The realization of the high angel's twisted punishment settles heavy upon him. "And... and what was it...?" he asked, worried.
"Exactly what happened anyway..." you said solemnly. "I had sex so I was punished with sex. Adam... Adam assaulted me for ten days... one day for every meeting you and I had. But your crime was supposedly forcing god to watch as you defiled one of his angels... so... so your punishment was..." You breath catches and you begin to cry again.
Lucifer's eyes darkened with rage and disgust. He clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. "This is exactly why I should have come earlier. I would have stopped this from ever-"
"No!" you yell, interrupting him. "Don't you get it!? They WANTED you to try and save me! YOUR punishment was to feel what God supposedly felt..." you finally say it, you look directly into his eyes with all the pain you'd been holding in and say it. "Your punishment was to bear witness... if I'd have called you there, they would have forced you to watch *all ten* days of my punishment."
Lucifer's eyes widened, the horror of the thought sinking in. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you back into a tight embrace. His voice is barely above a whisper. "But, but Adam..."
"Adam volunteered..." you say into his shoulder.
Lucifer holds you closer, wishing he could take away the pain and suffering you've endured.
"Then you showed up anyway. I tried to protect you and you came anyway. Sure, not for ten days, but you still had to watch as he... as he..." a sob cuts down your words at your throat and you hold him tighter, unable to finish your sentence.
Lucifer's heart breaks as he listens to your unfinished words. He strokes your back, holding you close as the sobs take over your body. He whispers, his voice full of anger and sadness. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.”
"I didn't want you to see me like that... to see me with another man... even if it was forced..." You mumble.
Lucifer's grip tightens, his heart aching at the pain and shame in your voice. He gently tilts your chin, forcing you to look at him. "You never have to be ashamed when you're with me. I hate that he forced you into this, but I could never hate you."
"Lucifer..." You cry, your fists clenching his coat tightly. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry…”
Lucifer's anger dissipates at the sight of your tears. He caresses your cheeks, wiping them away. "Sorry? Why are you sorry?." He pulls you into a tight embrace, resting his chin on top of your head.
"When I woke up... alone in Adam's arms... and he told me you'd left, disgusted with my tainted form I... I believed him..." You sob.
Lucifer's heart breaks at the realization that Adam had truly convinced you of such an outrageous lie. He wraps his arms around you, holding you tighter. "I could never be disgusted by you, my love. I left only because I thought you were dead."
"He didn't tell me that... he told me you didn't want me, and then when I was cast to hell and... I saw you..." You sniffle. "I thought he was right. You were here, but you hadn't come looking for me. So he must have been right, you didn't want to find me..." You cry. "I thought he was right…”
Lucifer's expression turns pained at your words. He lifts your chin, forcing you to look at him. "I searched for you, my love. I looked for you in every corner of hell, but I couldn't find you. I thought I had lost you forever."
"I hid... I was scared... broken... I-I missed you." You say, grabbing him tightly again.
Lucifer's eyes soften as he holds you, understanding your fear and pain. "I missed you too, my love. I will never leave you again." He kisses your forehead softly, keeping you close. "Can you ever forgive me for the pain I caused you?"
"The pain you caused me?" You ask, incredulous. "I am the one who needs to be forgiven!?"
Lucifer looks at you, surprised. "What do you have to be forgiven for? You did nothing wrong. I am the one who tempted you to sin, who caused you to fall, the reason Adam..." he stopped, forcing himself to continue, "the reason Adam raped you. I abandoned you, and caused you pain." he takes your hands in his, pleading with you. "Please, my love. Tell me you forgive me..."
You give him a sad smile, tilting your head, "Lucifer... you did none of those things." You reach up and touch his face gently. "I chose to be with you. from the moment you first introduced yourself to me I was smitten. I was doomed to fall. From the moment I learned you were not the devil heaven portrays you as but instead a gentleman, a lonely, wonderful, loving man who was desperate for love..."
At your words, tears brim in Lucifer's eyes, and a small, pained smile appears on his face. "My love." he whispers, pulling you close to him. "You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. After all the pain you were forced to go through..."
"And what about you...?" You ask. "Because of me, you were forced to watch someone you love be viscously raped all because some silly angel decided she wanted to see what all the fuss about the devil was..." You say, referring to yourself
"Shh," Lucifer soothes, cupping your face in his hands. "I am right where I want to be. With you. And what happened before was a terrible mistake made by cowardly angels. It is not your fault." He kisses you softly on the lips.
Tears roll down your cheeks as you kiss him for the first time in months. You are overwhelmed with emotion. "Is this real...?" You ask in desperation. "Are you truly here? Not angry with me? Am I truly not just hallucinating my deepest desires...?"
Lucifer's heart breaks at the sight of your tears. He wipes them gently away, his eyes still glazed with a light moisture. "It is real. I am here. And I am not angry. I love you.”
"I..." your eyes widen and fresh tears spill out. "I love you too...I love you, Lucifer." You wrap your arms around him and pull him into another kiss.
Lucifer's heart swells with joy and love. He kisses you back with all the pent-up desire and love stored inside him. "I fucking love you," he whispers between his kisses.
"I love you so much..." You sigh onto his lips as you crawl onto his lap, your knees on either side of his, your body desperate to be as close to him as it can before you just become one.
Lucifer's hands reach up to cradle your face as you crawl onto his lap. His eyes are filled with love and desire. "I want you so fucking badly," he moans.
You blush at the forwardness of hid words. "R-right now?" You ask, not rejecting it, but certainly surprised and shy.
Lucifer smirks at the red on your cheeks. He caresses it softly with his thumb. "Yes, right fucking now. I can't wait, I need you," he says with urgency in his voice. "If you would have me, I would gladly have you."
"Even after... Adam...?" You ask
Lucifer's face turns serious for a moment, he knows Adam hurt you and it haunts him. But he wants to prove his love for you, right now. "I love you. You are everything to me. More than I ever thought a person could be. l will always choose you," he whispers.
"Lucifer..." His name on your lips is like the most delicious temptation.
Lucifer groans as you say it, the lust in your voice igniting his own. He can't resist the temptation anymore. His hands move from your face and into your hair. "Say it again,"
"Lucifer..." You moan as his hands roam your body, his lips on your neck.
Lucifer smirks against your skin as he hears you moan his name. His hands continue to roam your body, exploring every inch of you as his lips leave teasing kisses along your jawline and down to your neck. "I want you so badly," he groans.
You feel his hand slide up your thigh and dip under your skirt and you straighten. "W-wait..." You say, grabbing his hand.
Lucifer stops in his tracks at your words, looking up to meet your gaze. His eyes are full of hunger and desire, but he sees the hesitation in yours. He takes a deep breath, trying to control himself. "I'm sorry," he whispers."
"Not here..." You continue, easing his fears.
You're not apprehensive about continuing, just hesitant about the location. Lucifer's eyes light up at your words, making him realize that you're not shutting him down. He nods, understanding your hesitation. He takes a step back, offering you his hand. "Come with me," he says, snapping his fingers and summoning the portal to his room.
You reach up and take it, a shy smile on your lips of which Lucifer grins at, feeling his heart flutter at the sight.
"You're so beautiful," he says before leading you through the portal and into his room. He closes the portal behind you and turns to face you, scooping you up into his arms, his eyes burning with desire.
You blush, letting out a little "oop!" as he lifts you, and bury your head in his chest as he carries you to the bed.
Lucifer chuckles at your cute reaction, nuzzling his face against your hair. He carries you to the bed and gently sets you down, climbing in beside you and pulling you into his arms. "Is this okay?" he asks, his voice soft as he runs his fingers through your hair.
You nod. "I'm just... feeling embarrassed."
Lucifer growls, hating that you're feeling that rest around him. "Why would you be embarrassed, love?" he asks, tilting your chin up so he can look into your eyes. He smiles warmly at you, running his thumb over your cheek.
"I don't know. it's not like you haven't seen me like this..." You blush.
Lucifer chuckles softly at your blush, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your lips. "It is only your second time," he murmurs against your lips. He deepens the kiss, running his hands over your body and pulling you closer.
"But Adam-" you start to mention how he had you a very large number of times, but he cuts you off.
Lucifer's eyes narrow at the mention of Adam, his jaw clenching. "Adam doesn't count," he growls, his hands tightening on your waist. "What he did wasn't sex. He did that against your will. This is your second time, and it's normal to be embarrassed your second time."
You look up at him with adoration in your eyes, saying that it doesn't count hitting somewhere deep in your heart. "Lucifer..." You kiss his cheek
Lucifer's hardened expression softens at the sight of your adoration, a small smile tugging at his lips as he feels your lips against his cheek. He brings up your hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it before leaning down and placing a few more kisses on your neck and cheek.
"Lucifer..." you say again, but this time it comes out more like a moan, his heart rate increasing with excitement and his desire for you growing much stronger. "Tell me what you want, love. Say it. I want to hear it from your lips," he demands hotly, his breath ghosting against your skin.
"I... I want you..." You say, blushing.
His predatory gaze intensifies, desire burning fiercely in his eyes as he watches you confess your want for him. He leans closer to you, pressing his lips against yours, his tongue running over your bottom lip.
"You can have me, all of me. Whatever you want.”
"I... I want you to take me..." You moan, shivering at his tongue on your skin.
Desire surges through him, overwhelming his every thought as you confess your want. His hands grip your waist harder, tugging at the fabric of your clothes as he deepens the kiss. "I'll take you, give you every inch of myself. I promise to love and cherish you."
You gasp as he begins to remove your dress. Shy but excited, Lucifer smirks, his eyes darkening in excitement as he pulls at the rest of the way off, tossing it aside. "You're so beautiful, my love. I'm going to make you scream my name," he growls, his voice full of need. You blush and squeak, covering your face at his bold statement.
Lucifer grins, pulling your hands away from your flushed face, his fingers tracing over your cheek as he leans closer. "Don't be shy, my love. I want to hear every sound you make, to see every reaction to my touch."
You nod, looking up at him, embarrassed. His eyes meet yours, searching and intense as he leans in, pressing his lips against your own. "I find it interesting that you are so much more shy this time than our first." he murmurs huskily.
"That's because before, I didn't understand how intimate this is, sharing your body with someone. But I do now..." You explain.
Lucifer's expression softens, his fingers combing gently through your hair. "Good. I want you to understand the intimacy of this act, the beauty of sharing our bodies with one another. It's not just sex. It's showing one another how we feel in our hearts." he smiles down at you. "Now let me show you just how deep my love for you goes..."
His words make your heart swell with joy to the point that you think you could cry. You nod and watch as Lucifer's hands glide up your thighs, the heat of his touch setting your skin alight. His piercing gaze never wavers, pinning you in place. "You are so beautiful, my love," he whispers against the inside of your knee.
"Lucifer..." You shudder out, your mouth opening slightly as he takes his time working towards his goal.
Lucifer smirks, loving the effect he has on you. He gives a soft kiss to the inside of your thigh, sucking lightly on the skin. "You like that, don't you?" he purrs.
"it tickles..." You admit, shivering. "And it makes my stomach flutter..."
Lucifer chuckles lowly, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. "Good. I want to make you feel good." he whispers, kissing his way up towards your groin. He uses one hand to gently rub your inner thigh, while the other expertly strokes you.
You gasp as he begins to touch you, your body reacting immediately and strongly. "A-ah...!"
Lucifer smirks triumphantly as he continues to pleasure you with his expert fingers. He nuzzles against your stomach, his lips trailing lightly against your skin. "You're so responsive to me, my love. It makes me so hard."
"I-it feels so good...!" You whimper out.
Lucifer moans softly at your words, the sound sending a thrill down your spine. He wraps his other arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "I want to make you feel even more pleasure."
You let out a yelp as he pulls you closer, your face growing red as you see him so close to your heat. He licks his lips and you shiver again. Lucifer's eyes light up as he sees your reaction. He licks his lips again, this time more deliberately.
"I remember how good you taste, my love. I've wanted more since the first sample. I want to devour you." He leans in closer, pressing a soft kiss to your inner thigh before moving closer to your throbbing cunt. "I want to taste you, my love. I want to hear you screaming my name as I make you cum."
"Lucifer!" you whine, covering your face again. "You're going to make me dizzy talking like that…”
Lucifer chuckles at your reaction, his lips ghosting across your skin. "I can't help it. You make me so hard, so needy for you." He presses another kiss to the inside of your thigh before moving lower.
You watch with anticipation as he begins to go down on you. Lucifer moans softly at the delicious sight before him. He runs his hands up and down your thighs, soothing and calming you before taking a slow, teasing lick right at your entrance.
Lucifer's eyes light up at your strong gasping reaction. He starts to lick and suck, slowly teasing you open before he plunges his tongue deep inside. You throw your head back as you feel his shockingly long tongue begin to fill you. The moan you let out is animalistic.
Lucifer hums at the sound, his eyes flicking up to meet yours for a moment before diving back in. He curls his tongue inside you, hitting your spot repeatedly as he sucks and licks. You can feel him smiling against your skin as he feels you start to shake and tremble.
"Oh, god, Lucifer! Lucifer!" You moan, reaching down and grabbing his head, fingers in his hair.
Lucifer groans at the feeling. He hums again, the vibrations making you shudder and gasp as he redoubles his efforts. "Yes, baby," he mumbles against your skin, "Let me hear you."
"Oh, oh! don't stop, please..." You moan.
Lucifer grins against you, feeling as your legs begin to tremble. He speeds up his movements, determined to make you lose control. He hooks one of your legs over his shoulder, opening you up more as he licks and sucks at your folds."That's it, baby,"
You begin to feel the familiar knot forming in your stomach. "Wait! I'm- I'm gonna- a-ah...!" You yell out, attempting to push his head off me.
Lucifer laughs softly against you as he holds your hips down, not letting up despite your struggles. "Oh no," he growls playfully, "Not yet." He licks at you more desperately, wanting to taste you as you come.
You feel your hips buck against buck, wanting more as you feel yourself getting closer and closer. "Luci- Luci!"
"Yes, baby," he moans against you, feeling you tremble under his touch. He licks more furiously, wanting to push you over the edge. He rubs at your clit with his thumb, feeling you quiver as he does. "Come for me," he growls.
His words send you over the edge and you cry out as you come undone onto his tongue. You moan his name and squeeze your thighs together around his head.
Lucifer groans as he feels you cum on his face, tasting you and feeling the tremble of your body against his. He laps up every drop of you, feeling satisfied when you squeeze your legs together around him. He looks up at you with a triumphant grin. "There we go.”
You lay panting before him, a gentle hand still fussing with your hair.
Lucifer smirks with a raised eyebrow, leaning over you and pecking at your chin. "You're absolutely adorable," he coos softly. He chuckles as you pant, laying beside you and holding you close.
He runs his hand along your thigh, pulling you closer."
You pull him closer, and Lucifer moans, pressing your lips to his and sliding your fingers through his hair. He returns the kiss, deepening it as he feels your tongue probe at his lips. He grants entry with a sigh, letting your tongue explore him just as much as he does you.
The feeling of his tongue against yours gives you goosebumps and you let out a shiver, hugging him closer. You bite his lower lip and pull it slightly, giving him a look.
Lucifer groans, feeling the shiver run up his spine at the feeling of your teeth on him. He hugs you closer, running his fingers up and down your back as you bite his lower lip. He pulls away with a soft pop, smirking at you as he runs his tongue over it.
The way your eyes shine in the light makes Lucifer feel as if he can see right through to your soul. He leans in close, his lips brushing against yours as the tip of his tongue trails along the lower one, feeling your breath quicken.
"Lucifer...?" You murmur onto him.
As he whispers your name back, he feels the heat of your breath brushing against his lips. He deepens the kiss again, pushing you back onto the bed and crawling over you with a low growl.
You let out a surprised gasp, blushing. Lucifer smirks at you, finding it adorable. He leans down and nips at your bottom lip, his thigh rubbing against your growing arousal as he deepens the kiss once more.
A low moan is pulled from you as you feel him against your already sensitive slit and you look up and into his eyes. They darken at the low moan that escapes your lips. He grinds his thigh against the wetness of your pussy with a smirk, trailing his lips down your neck and nipping at the sensitive skin.
You bite your lip, reaching down between the two of you, and palming the ever growing bulge in his pants.
Lucifer lets out a low growl at your touch, his fingers tightening on your skin. He thrusts his hips forward, grinding against your hand as he trails kisses down to the hollow of your throat. "My love," he whispers, claiming your lips once more in a bruising kiss.
"Lucifer...?" You try again, saying his name with a questioning lilt.
"Hmm?" Lucifer hums against your lips, his fingers tangling in your hair as he pulls you closer. He kisses you deeply once more, his tongue tracing along your bottom lip before plunging into your mouth with a dominant force.
"Mmmnn!" You yelp into the kiss, gasping when he breaks it. "I... I wanted to know if you... if you want me to return the favor?" You ask, shyly. He realizes you're asking if he wants you to use your mouth on him, even after watching… everything.
Lucifer's eyes darken in desire at your question, his erection straining against the fabric of his pants. He captures your gaze, holding it as he rubs your cheek. "Only if you want," he says, quietly.
"I know watching Adam force me to do that might have been… traumatic..."
Lucifer's expression turns serious, his eyes filled with concern before softening at your words, guilt flashing in his eyes. "It was disturbing," he admits. "I'm sorry," he says, sincerely. "I want that, but I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it? Or honestly even how I would." He cups your face with his hand, searching for any lingering distress in your eyes.
"I can try?" You ask with a smile. "And if either of us needs to stop, we can. Would that be okay?"
Lucifer smiles back at you, relief obvious in his expression. "Yes, that's perfectly okay," he says, gently. "I want you to feel safe and comfortable, that's the most important thing to me." He kisses you again, softly, savoring the moment.
You nod, rolling you both over so that he's laying down and you're on top of him. You smile, tucking your hair behind your ear and scooting backwards leaving a trail of little kisses down Lucifer's body as you undo his coat and let him pull it off. Then you start to work on his vest and shirt.
Lucifer's breath catches as you take control, the sensation of your lips leaving a trail down his body was making his heart race. He helps you remove his vest, watching with hooded eyes as you continue to undo the buttons of his shirt, revealing his toned chest.
You kiss his soft skin down until you reach his pants, making quick work of the buckle and pulling them down. Lucifer's breath hitches as you leave him in just his boxers. He reaches out to touch your hair, gently threading his fingers through the strands as he watches you. "You're driving me crazy,”
You just smile in response before nuzzling your face against his bulging underwear. You can feel him through the fabric, warm and hard.
Lucifer groans at the sensation of your face against him, his hips bucking involuntarily as a rush of pleasure shoots through him. He tilts his head back, closing his eyes as he runs his fingers through your hair again. "I need you," he pants.
With a deep breath, you slowly and teasingly lower the last line of defense between you and him, watching giddily as he springs up in front of you, just centimeters from your nose.
Lucifer's cock springs free as you lower his underwear, causing him to gasp at the sudden exposure. He looks down at you with half lidded eyes, his breath quickening as he takes in the sight of your lips so close to his arousal. "Please," he mumbles.
You reach forward gently, taking him in your hand before sticking out your tongue and letting it trail up the underside of his length. When you reach the tip you lick the little bead of precum sitting on it and look up at him.
Lucifer's hips buck forward at the feeling of your hand on his cock, a low groan rumbling in his chest as he watches you tease him with your tongue. His cock twitches, precum flowing more freely now as he stares down at you with lust-filled eyes.
"This okay so far?" You ask, checking in.
Lucifer nods, struggling to find his voice as he watches you pleasure him. His breath comes in short pants, hips twitching as he fights the urge to thrust into your hand. "y-yes," he forces out. "But shouldn't I be asking you that?"
You smile a sweet smile at him. "Lucifer. I'm not afraid of doing this with you. I love you. I trust you to never hurt me..."
Lucifer melts, his eyes softening as he gazes down at you. He reaches out, gently brushing a strand of hair from your face as he leans down to press a tender kiss to your lips. "I love you too," he whispers.
"I was worried that seeing me... doing this again... even to you, would upset you." You say softly
"Because you were afraid it would remind me of what Adam did?" he asks.
You nod, looking up at him with concern. "After watching what he made me do to him."
Lucifer pauses, a heavy expression crossing his features as his mind drifts back to the horrors he witnessed back in that house. "No, love," he finally says, lifting your chin to meet his gaze, "this is... this is us. Not a reminder of a painful past."
With a smile you lean back down and press your pursed lips to him before letting it slide onto your tongue and inside your mouth.
Lucifer's eyes darken at the sensation of your lips against his cock. "Fuck," he murmurs, leaning back in ecstasy. You push further, taking you deeper into your throat. He growls, fists clenching the sheets as you swallow him whole. The feel of you on him and the sight of his cock engulfed in your throat are enough to drive him crazy with desire. "Oh... my love," he moans.
When he's fully sheathed in you, you begin to move up and down, setting a brisk pace. Lucifer watches, captivated by the sight of you taking him so willingly. His cock throbs and twitches inside your hot and welcoming throat. He reaches down to run his fingers through your hair, holding onto you as he grinds his hips to meet your movements.
You hum a moan onto his shaft as you continue moving, letting him move into you, happy he's enjoying it. Meanwhile he moans louder, pulling on your hair, feeling the reverberation of your voice against his cock. His hips buck, thrusting deeper and harder into your throat. He watches, mesmerized, as his length disappears between your lips again and again. "Sweetheart, shit."
You reach up with one hand and gently press the skin just below his balls, knowing the nerves there are attached to the prostate. You continue to massage it as your tongue caresses him inside your mouth, which is still bobbing on his cock.
Lucifer's eyes roll back in bliss and he moans loudly, feeling the sensations from your touch overwhelm him. His cock throbbing wildly inside your mouth, his hips buck involuntary. "Oh, fuck.. don't stop, shit… I'm so close!"
Excited, you pick up the pace, sucking harder, pushing you deeper... You want to feel his pleasure. Lucifer clenches his fists, his chest heaving as he pants and moans.
“That's it... fuck... Deeper! Fuck, I'm gonna cum so hard..." His breath hitches as his balls tighten, signaling the imminent wave of pleasure about to crash.
You feel him pull your head back and you pop off of him with an audible wet sound just as he cums. You let out a giggle as it shoots up in front of you, streaking across your face. You close one eye and hold your hands up defensively while continuing to laugh, a big smile on your face.
Lucifer smirks and tilts his head as he watches the cum streak across your face. "Look at that mess you made, darling." He chuckles and languidly runs a hand through his own hair, his eyes glimmering mischievously.
"Luci!? Why did you pull me off of you?" You ask, giving him a playful slap on the thigh.
Lucifer lets out a deep, satisfied groan as he watches you, your face now covered in his cum, a lazy smile on his kiss-swollen lips. "I wanted to make sure I could watch the show, darling." He purrs and leans forward to press a kiss against your cheek, taking the moment to clean you gently with his tongue.
"Oh? You want a show huh?" You ask, pressing on his chest so that he'll fall onto your back again. You begin to crawl up onto his lap. "How's this for a show...?”
Lucifer's eyes light up, a sinful grin spreading across his face. "Oh, darling," he purrs and wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and rubbing himself against you. You hook your ankles around his legs and lift yourself up, positioning him so he can feel just how wet it made you sucking him off.
"Well, aren't you just a pretty little mess now," Lucifer groans and leans back, letting you grind against his hard cock. He runs his hands over the curve of your hips, admiring the view as his own arousal steadily climbs higher and higher.
You take his hands and pin them to the bed with a 'tsk tsk tsk'. Then you lift your hips and let him prod at your entrance before slowly sliding down, sinking onto his cock with a groan.
"Oh, fuck," Lucifer moans and looks up at you with a ravenous expression. He grips the sheets tightly as you sink down onto him, stretching and filling you inch by inch. His legs tremble, eager to be buried deep inside of you.
You sink down until he's fully inside you... And then you don't move... You bite your lip and look at him lustfully.
"You little tease," Lucifer growls and reaches up to grip your thighs, suppressing the urge to slam himself up into you. "Don't you dare leave me like this." He arches his hips and tries to thrust into you, but realizes he can't.
You smile at his puzzled look. "What's wrong luci?" You say, as you begin to clench your kegel muscles around his stiff cock inside you, pushing and pulling, making him feel incredible, but not enough to finish. "Can't fuck me like this?”
Lucifer snorts and grins back up at you. "I can and I will, if you keep those tight little muscles doing that for long." He smirks, but the flush in his cheeks and quickening breath tell a different story. He grits his teeth as you clench around him, the sensation of your tight heat almost unbearably delicious. "I can... fuck you however I want.”
"I'd like to see you try..."
He attempts to thrust up into me once more, but you just lift up with his hips. then he realizes that, because your feet cross back over his legs instead of rest on the bed beside him, if he tries to fuck you like this, you just lift up with him.
"Fuck," Lucifer groans and drops his head back against the pillows. "God damn it, you're too-" He cuts himself off with a gasp when you use your thighs to rock forward, forcing him deeper inside of you at the same time.
You bite your lip at his reaction, lifting yourself before slowly taking him inside again and beginning to clench around him once more. "Until I let you, you can't do anything but enjoy..." You say teasingly. “I wanna see you break.”
"You're such a tease." Lucifer growls, his voice low and hoarse from the pleasure. He's trying and failing not to lose control as you play him like a fiddle, squeezing and relaxing around him at just the right pace. When Lucifer can no longer handle the torment, he grabs onto your thighs and shifts you how he needs you, his movements hard and fast.
"Ungh, you win. You want me to fuck you?" Lucifer cracks under your teasing, his patience snapping as the hedonistic pleasure overwhelms him. He buries his hands in your hips and lifts you before pulling you back down and thrusting hard upwards, fucking you for all he's worth. His body is a vessel of desire as he pounds into you again and again. His pace is fast and ruthless, slamming into that sweet spot over and over again as he tries to claim every inch of you.
You moan out loudly as he lifts you effortlessly and fucks up into you. Your hands press against his chest, the only things keeping you upright, as he fucks you silly.
Lucifer lifts you up easily, the strength of a celestial angel being brought to bear. You wrap your legs around his hips as he fucks up into you, a primal, animalistic sound spilling from his lips as he buries himself deep inside of you.
"Luci, Luci, Luci!" You cry his name out over and over.
Lucifer's name begins to shift on your lips to an unintelligible moan as he thrusts into you harder and faster. You clutch onto him, your nails digging into his skin as the pleasure overwhelms you. He growls in a deep voice, "Mine, mine, mine,"
"Yours!" You groan in response. "All yours! Only yours!"
"Good," Lucifer purrs, an almost predatory air around him, his eyes locked with yours. With a fast and ruthless pace he fucks you, each thrust with the strength of a powerful incubus, slamming into that sweet spot inside of you.
Your eyes roll back in your head as you lose yourself to the pleasure he gives you, moaning and gasping. Lucifer's smile grows wider at the sight, a cruel glint of pride in his eyes. He speeds up even more, determined to make you lose your mind with pleasure as he thrusts into you. His hands hold onto your hips, his grip tightening as he fucks you deep and hard.
"Luci, I'm so close!" You moan in his ear.
"Then come for me, love," Lucifer commands, his voice dark and deep. He thrusts into you a few more times before he feels your climax start to build, the muscles in your body spasming around him as you moan in pleasure.
With a final moan, you grip his face in your hands, kissing him intensely as your climax washes over you. You groan into the kiss, your cunt tightening around him as though it never wants to let go.
Lucifer growls into your mouth, dominating and taking over as his own climax hits him hard, spilling inside of you and filling you to the brim. He groans in pleasure as he continues to thrust into you, riding out your orgasm until your body relaxes in his arms.
You wrap your arms around him, just laying on his chest and breathing heavily.
Lucifer holds you in his arms, not wanting to let go just yet. He buries his face in your neck, breathing you in and reveling in the pleasure he's given you. "I could get used to this,"
"You'd better... now that I'm a fallen angel. I have nowhere else to go." You sigh with a smile.
Lucifer laughs deeply, his chest rumbling under your ear. "I think I can manage that," he murmurs against your skin. He tightens his arms around you, keeping you close as he basks in the afterglow of the intense love making session you've just shared together. Then something strikes him. "Love? where were you living these past months when I thought you were gone?"
You flinch, having hoped he wouldn't think to ask. "Um... on the streets?" You say quietly.
Lucifer's expression turns serious, his amusement evaporating in an instant. He sits up slightly, taking repeats incredulously. He can't imagine it, the thought of you having to survive on your own, especially in Pentagram City. Lucifer narrows his eyes at your response, and he doesn't like the image of you alone and desperate on the streets. The fact that he was the reason for it angered him.
“You're staying here with me," he says firmly, making it more of a demand than a suggestion.
"Wait really?" You ask, pushing up on him so you can see his face. "I don't want to impose!"
Lucifer's eyes soften, and he can't help but be drawn to your genuine expression of care. "You are not imposing," he replies, his voice gentle, "I want you here." He leans forward and presses a kiss to your lips.
"You really mean it?" You say with big eyes.
"Of course," Lucifer responds, gently stroking your cheek. "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it." He smiles and presses another kiss to your lips, longer this time. His hands tighten around your waist as he deepens the kiss.
You melt into the kiss, pressing your body to his. Then he feels a drop fall from your cheek to his.
Lucifer feels the tear hit him and breaks the kiss to look at you with concern. "Why are you crying?" he asks softly, wiping away the wet from your cheek.
"I'm sorry! I... I just... I don't feel like I deserve all this..." You sniffle.
Lucifer's face softens as he sees your vulnerability. He pulls you in close and rests his chin on top of your head. "You deserve everything good in this world and more," he says, sincerity ringing through every word. "Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise."
"I was cast out of heaven. This was supposed to be a punishment. That's how I got through every day before you found me. Living on the streets felt right, I deserved that. I was being punished. I chose to commit a sin and for that I had no home, I'd lost you, I had to scrounge for food. but this..." You motion to the glamorous room are in, "this... is no punishment."
Lucifer's grip on your shoulders tightens, his eyes flashing with determination and intensity. "Don't you dare say that you deserved that, any of this," he growls, his voice low and husky. "You were cast out by beings who were jealous that you chose your own path. That you chose yourself over their rules."
"Even so, to go from being cast out of heaven to living in a palace with the king of hell..." You look at him with a trembling lip. "It scares me."
"I understand your fear," Lucifer says softly, cupping your cheek with his hand. "But know this, I would never hurt you. I would do anything for you. Anything to see you smile and be happy." He leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I love you.”
"No, you misunderstand. I'm not scared of you hurting me, I'm.... I'm scared of losing all this. It's too good to be true. When will the other shoe drop?" You press your forehead to his. "I... I don't think I can lose you again."
Lucifer's heart aches at your words, his eyes filled with sadness and understanding. "You don't have to be scared of losing me," he whispers, his lips brushing against yours. "I am here. I am real. And I will never leave you again.”
"How do you know that...?" You ask. "What if heaven changes their mind? What if they come back to finish the job..?" You ask.
"Heaven does not control me," Lucifer says firmly, his eyes burning with determination. "I am the king of hell and I will not be threatened by them or anyone else." He cups your face with both hands, looking deep into your eyes. "And you are mine, and I will fight for you.”
"You are the king of hell, but I'm... I'm just some fallen angel. I'm lower than even the sinners on the totem pole."
Lucifer's eyes flash with anger at your words. He squeezes your cheeks gently and tilts your head up, forcing you to look at him. "You are not just some fallen angel. You are a powerful and beautiful creature, deserving of love and respect."
"Not in the eyes of heaven..." You say softly. "You realize that when the next extermination day comes... I'll be Adam's first target?"
Lucifer's expression darkens at your words, anger bubbling in his eyes. "I will not let that happen," he growls, his hands tightening on your face. “I will protect you, always. Nobody, not even Adam, has the right to harm a single hair on your head."
"You can't stop him. that's part of the deal, remember? They get to kill as many people as they can without your interference, but in return they won't hurt any hellborn. I'm not hellborn." You try to explain.
"I know the terms of our agreement," Lucifer says, his expression softening as he looks at you. "But I will not let Adam harm you. I will find a way to protect you, even if it means breaking our deal with heaven."
"No!" you shout, your eyes widening. "You can't do that!"
"Why not?" Lucifer demands, his voice filled with concern and anger. "I will not stand by and let anyone hurt you. You are important to me, more important than our deal with heaven." He pulls you into a tight embrace, his lips pressing against your forehead.
"Because... because..." You stumble over words, obviously knowing something but afraid to say it.
"What is it?" Lucifer asks, his voice gentle and coaxing. "You can tell me anything, you know that."
You close your eyes tightly. "I know I have no more allegiance with heaven, but it's hard... I'm sorry." You take a second to breathe before opening your eyes and looking directly into his. "That's what Adam wants you to do... he wants you to break the deal, to protect me..."
"Adam is a fool," Lucifer says, his voice filled with anger. "He thinks he can manipulate me, but he underestimates my love for you. I will not let him harm you, even if it means going against heaven's wishes."
"He's banking on that. Lucifer. it's a trap.”
"I know," Lucifer says, his voice filled with regret. "But I cannot abandon you. I will protect you, even if it means going against everything heaven has." He leans in and presses his lips to your forehead, his arms tightening around your waist.
You cup his face gently. "You don't understand... If you break the deal, Adam will be allowed to hurt hellborns. Don't you see?" You ask.
"What are you doing," Lucifer asks, his voice serious and thoughtful.
"If you attack him to protect me, like he expects you to do, he'll go after you and Charlie." You say softly.
"You're right," Lucifer says, his face darkened with worry. "But I cannot let him hurt you either, even if the consequences were not so grave." He pulls you closer, resting his chin on your shoulder. "What do we do?"
"I... I don't know. but I won't let you risk you or your daughter's safety just for me..."
"I understand," Lucifer says, his voice gentle. He kisses your forehead once more, his arms still wrapped tightly around you. "But you are important to me, and I will not let you come to harm if I can help it." He pauses, eyes lighting up as though he thought of something.
You look back and forth between each of his eyes. "W... what? what is it?" You ask.
"I know how to fix it!" Lucifer says, a grin on his lips and a mischievous glint in his eyes. "A way to protect all of you!" He raises an eyebrow, awaiting your response.
"Well? what is it?" You ask nervously.
Lucifer takes your hands in his, looking at you with excitement and all the adoration in the world. "Marry me."
You stare back at him, stunned to silence.
Lucifer smiles at your reaction, his eyes full of warmth. "I love you," he says sincerely, "and I want to be with you forever, as your partner and protector. As your husband." He squeezes your hands reassuringly. "And if you're my wife, that makes you the Queen of Hell. You would also fall under the umbrella of protection."
"Lucifer..." tears begin to well in your eyes. "Do you... really mean that?" You ask.
"I have never been more serious in my entire existence." Lucifer says immediately, with all the sincerity in the world. He pulls you into a tight hug, tears in his own eyes. "I may come off as a flirt, the devil, you name it... but when it really counts, I'm here. I'm a one woman kind of man.”
You smile and giggle, "I Guess that's true. you were with the same woman for almost ten thousand years."
"Yes, I was," Lucifer agrees. "And it broke my heart to see her leave." He wipes away a stray tear. "But you, my love, have captured my heart in a way that I haven't experienced in millennia.”
A tear rolls down your cheek as you smile at him and nod. "Yes..."
"Yes?" he asks, excitedly.
"Yes," you say again with a big smile. "Yes! I'll marry you."
"Yes!" Lucifer exclaims, hugging you tightly, his face in your hair. When he finally pulls back, cupping your face in his hands as he leans down to kiss you. "You won't regret this. I promise to make you the happiest woman in Hell…”
You pull him back in for another kiss, tears of joy raining down.
"My love," Lucifer whispers against your lips, catching a stray tear with his thumb and leaning in to kiss away the rest. He wraps his arms around you, holding you tight, his heart racing with excitement and love.
He pushes you down onto the bed, his excitement at you accepting his proposal giving him the energy for another round.
"I love you," Lucifer growls as he looks down at your perfect naked body, his eyes full of lust and desire. He leans down to kiss you, his lips trailing down your neck and across your chest, hands everywhere all at once.
"I love you too..." You respond. "More than anything…”
Wow, I loved writing this. If anyone has any requests I'm more than willing to take them. I really want to write something for Alastor, but I don't know what.
Also I think I want to do a bonus chapter for this. So... We'll see.
Taglist: @liveontelevision @honestlyshamelesskid @shadowqueen1318
#lucifer morningstar#lucifer smut#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin lucifer#lucifer magne#lucifer x reader#lucifer x you#fallen angel#angel!reader#sexy#lemon#smut#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel smut#hazbin#fan fiction#fanfiction#fanfic#mine#writing#minors dni#minors do not interact#18+ only#18+ content
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Hi! I haven't read the iwtv books so could you explain what you mean by Lestat keeping Louis and Claudia as mortal as possible? And it's something that Marius advised? I wouldn't mind any spoilers!
Have a nice day!
Hey!
So to expand on that a bit:
After Lestat was turned against his will and after he encountered the Children of Darkness and Armand he tries to find Marius, Armand's maker (and a true ancient, them calling Armand ancient is very funny to me tbh^^) to find some (more) answers.
Ultimately he does manage to rouse Marius' interest, and Marius raises him from a dirt nap and takes him to the island where he lives and cares for "Those Who Must Be Kept". (We know that also happened in the show in some kind of manner, because Lestat refers to TWMBK in ep7.)
Marius tells Lestat his life story, introduces him to Akasha and Enkil.
And he gives him advice (from "The Vampire Lestat"):
"If you mean to survive, you must live out one complete lifetime as soon as you can. To forestall it may be to lose everything, to despair and to go into the earth again, never to rise. Or worse. . . "
[...]
"Then do as I advise. And understand this also. In a real way, eternity is merely the living of one human lifetime after another. Of course, there may be long periods of retreat; times of slumber or of merely watching. But again and again we plunge into the stream, and we swim as long as we can, until time or tragedy brings us down as they will do mortals. "
[...]
"Exactly, make them in love. And make certain they have had some lifetime before you make them; and never never make one as young as Armand. That is the worst crime I have ever committed against my own kind, the taking of the young boy child Armand. "
But he also gives him a warning:
"You know why not. I can't have you or anyone else know the location of Those Who Must Be Kept. And that brings us now to something very important: the promises I must have from you. "
"Anything, " I said. "But what could you possibly want that I could give? "
"Simply this. You must never tell others the things that I have told you. Never tell of Those Who Must Be Kept. Never tell the legends of the old gods. Never tell others that you have seen me. " I nodded gravely. I had expected this, but I knew without even thinking that this might prove very hard indeed.
"If you tell even one part, " he said, "another will follow, and with every telling of the secret of Those Who Must Be Kept you increase the danger of their discovery. "
"Yes, " I said. "But the legends, our origins . . . What about those children that I make? Can't I tell them- "
"No. As I told you, tell part and you will end up telling all. Besides, if these fledglings are children of the Christian god, if they are poisoned as Nicolas was with the Christian notion of Original Sin and guilt, they will only be maddened and disappointed by these old tales. It will all be a horror to them that they cannot accept. Accidents, pagan gods they don't believe in, customs they cannot understand. One has to be ready for this knowledge, meager as it may be. Rather listen hard to their questions and tell them what you must to make them contented. And if you find you cannot lie to them, don't tell them anything at all. Try to make them strong as godless men today are strong. But mark my words, the old legends never. Those are mine and mine alone to tell. "
"What will you do to me if I tell them? " I asked. This startled him. He lost his composure for almost a full second, and then he laughed.
"You are the damnedest creature, Lestat, " he murmured. "The point is I can do anything I like to you if you tell. Surely you know that. I could crush you underfoot the way Akasha crushed the Elder. I could set you ablaze with the power of my mind. But I don't want to utter such threats. I want you to come back to me. But I will not have these secrets known. I will not have a band of immortals descend upon me again as they did in Venice. I will not be known to our kind. You must never-deliberately or accidentally-send anyone searching for Those Who Must Be Kept or for Marius. You will never utter my name to others. "
"I understand, " I said.
Lestat goes to NOLA after and tries to follow Marius' advice - and heed the warning.
That is the why.
The how...
Lestat never shows them the full extent of his powers. He lives with them in a house, as a family, not as a coven. He tries not to be the "coven master" for long stretches of time (going so far as to leave his home for example). He hides the more monstrous aspects of their existence, as well as the cruel implementations/rituals other covens have. Since Louis is very much also "poisoned by the notion of the Christian God" he does not tell them much either, probably half for fear of Marius and half for the gut feeling that the knowledge he has would actually not help much.
That is what I mean that he keeps them as mortal as possible.
They live with mortals, in their midst, masquerading as mortals, having hobbies, and interests, going to theaters, cinema etc. He makes his fledglings from and through love, and tries to live a "life" with them.
As good as he possibly can.
(The downside is, of course, that Louis and Claudia unfortunately have no concept of what awaits them with the other vampires. Which is exactly why Lestat did not want them to go to... Paris.)
#honeybreadbee#ask nalyra#iwtv s2#iwtv#amc iwtv#interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire s2#the vampire chronicles#vc#vampire chronicles#marius de romanus#armand#lestat de lioncourt#advice#book quotes#the vampire lestat#mortal lifetime#lifetime
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Hello! Hi!! Saw you're doing prompts!
How about 25 or 26 for codywan?? (I can't decide because both scenarios could be absolutely delicious with them lol)
26. a kiss where one or both parties are crying
send me an ask for a lil kiss with your pairing of choice <3
hi beloved!!!!! thank you so much, this one was so fun. i landed on the crying one and thought for a good while as to who should cry, but landed on both of them in a roundabout way because they're both giant fucking nerds.
have a "nothing bad happens, everyone is happy" post-war GFFA codywan. again, it got too long. SFW but most of it under the cut :)
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Cody opens the door to his apartment on Coruscant just as he does any other day. It gives way after he pads the code into the panel, the small rush of air slightly blowing back his hair that’s grown a smidge too long ever since the war.
“Hey,” he calls from the entryway and bends over to pet the tooka that makes a valiant attempt to trip him. He toes off his own boots next to the pair that sit dutifully on the floor and groans as he unbuttons the shirt of his dress grays, “You wouldn’t fucking believe the banthashit that Amedda pulled today.”
There’s a hum from around the corner and Cody enters the main room to see the back of mussed red hair that’s also grown just a bit too long ever since the war. Obi-Wan sits on the couch, engrossed in some holomovie and dressed in the pajamas Cody left him in this morning.
“So,” Cody starts and tosses his outer shirt somewhere in the room. He rolls his shoulders underneath the freedom of his black t-shirt and winces when his neck pinches. Damn pillows. “You know how Fox had to deal with that little insurgent issue a while back? The Rodian with the,” Cody gestures vaguely to his own face even though Obi-Wan isn’t looking at him, “The thing on his eye.”
Another affirmative hum, but no response. Cody slides a confused glance over to the couch because usually Obi-Wan loves to talk shit with him. Must be some show that Obi-Wan is watching.
“Anyway,” Cody runs a hand through his hair and sets his bag on the kitchen table, “The bastard came back. Marched straight to the CG offices and demanded a trial even though he’s already been declared guilty in the first place. We’ve got kriffing video of him. So Fox told him to fuck off, naturally, but then–get this.”
He pauses, but doesn’t get a response. Cody stares at the back of Obi-Wan’s head as if it’s engaging in the conversation with him.
“Obi-Wan,” Cody prompts with his hands frozen mid-gesture.
In an instant, Obi-Wan goes from unsettlingly still, the kind of still that only Jedi can be, to a flurry of movement.
With great feeling, Obi-Wan tosses his head back and groans. He slams a finger on the datapad to pause the video right before he whips his head around and demands, “What? I’m watching a movie, Cody.”
Cody’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline and he points an accusatory finger at Obi-Wan, “Woah there, hotshot. What the hell’s gotten into–Wait, are you crying?”
Silence falls between them and two watery blue eyes blink at him. A pale hand slaps over Obi-Wan’s face as if trying to kill an insect rather than wipe away evidence. Obi-Wan lowers his hand calmly, sets his jaw, and has the audacity to respond in a thick, congested voice, “No.”
Cody stares at him. Obi-Wan stares right back.
“Uh huh,” Cody says slowly.
“Allergies,” Obi-Wan quips. He even sniffs.
A grin begins to slide onto Cody’s face and he slowly crosses the room. It doesn’t take more than a few strides to make it to the end of the couch. Obi-Wan stares up at him defiantly, his arms crossed over his chest and the datapad still open from where it rests on top of his folded legs.
Cody quickly picks it up and deftly ignores Obi-Wan’s attempt to snatch it back.
“Love at First Jogan?” Cody reads the Aurubesh words that consist of the pause screen, hovering over a screencap of a Twi’lek and a human male making eyes at each other over a table filled with purple fruits.
“It’s for research,” Obi-Wan protests and then successfully swipes the datapad out of Cody’s hands. Cody lets him take it, he’s already gotten the ammo he needs.
“Research, eh?” Cody repeats, his words curled by the shit-eating grin that’s appeared on his face. He kneels on the cushion and leans down to tilt Obi-Wan’s chin upwards, his next words a hot breath between their mouths. “Is it normal for research to make you cry?” Cody uses his free hand to swipe a stray tear from the corner of Obi-Wan’s eye.
“I’m very passionate about Jogan fruits,” Obi-Wan whispers, stubborn to the absolute very end. Cody adores him.
Blue eyes watch him steadily and Cody can’t help his small chuckle as he responds, “Sure, sweetheart.”
Cody closes the last few inches between them and captures those warm, soft, slightly damp (Force, Obi-Wan was crying for a while) lips between his own. Obi-Wan hums contently and places his hands on Cody’s shoulders, holding him there. As if Cody were going anywhere else.
They break apart and Cody places another kiss on the corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth for good measure. He nudges Obi-Wan’s thigh with his knee on the cushion and says, “Scoot over. Let me see what this is all about then.”
Obi-Wan’s responding smile has Cody falling in love all over again. He diligently scoots over and gives Cody no more than half a second to settle into the couch before he’s pressing their thighs together and resting his head on Cody’s shoulder.
Obi-Wan unclicks the datapad and balances it on both of their legs as he recites, “So. There’s this character named Alther–we hate him. Right now, he’s somehow wooed Tanea–we like her–into…”
Cody listens, then watches, and discovers at the end of it that he’s quite passionate about Jogan fruits, too.
And maybe Obi-Wan.
Definitely Obi-Wan.
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I had a conversation the other day, with a person who seemed to have some respect for me, but couldn't understand why I'm still having trauma symptoms, and can't be normal already. I took it as a chance to try and explain my symptoms, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears; I was told I just needed to tell myself that 'I am a new person now', and forget about the past. The person then explained to me how they weren't always the same person either, and they would sometimes cringe at their behaviour in the past, but then they would be proud of themselves for being smarter and more reasonable today. I couldn't quite explain to them that my situation was not the same.
They gave me various suggestions like 'just don't think about these things anymore', and 'these people are not going to hurt you anymore', which I strongly doubted was true. I tried to explain that I am not purposefully thinking about it; in fact, I was doing everything to avoid it. But with intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, and the symptoms of the dissociative disorder, I had no control over it, the past was at my throat, holding me and unwilling to let go. I could tell that they still believed I was doing it on purpose, holding on and refusing to stop living in the past.
I very rarely get a chance to talk to someone about anything trauma related, so I was originally grateful that anyone was even showing an interest at 'attempting to help me', but later when I thought about the entire thing, I got pissed off.
Firstly it doesn't make any sense for me to be 'normal', in any timeline, regardless of how much time has passed. You can't have a person living first few decades of their life in belief that their life is worthless, in environment where they're getting locked up, beaten, humiliated, tortured, threatened with death, brainwashed to believe they're not human, severely neglected, and without any kind of genuine caretaker or a parent. And then leave it to this person to 'deal with it alone', never getting any help, never even getting reassured that what happened to them was wrong. That is complete abandonment by human society, and I find it sick and twisted that this person should be expected to adhere and integrate into society afterwards, for what? This person will logically feel betrayed, untrusting, bitter, feral and unnacepting the society's standards, especially their standards for victim blaming and ignoring abuse. Society continually fails these people expects them to 'fix themselves' so nobody would feel uncomfortable about it.
Secondly why is it up to me to change as a person? I am not like this because 'I was not a good enough person', I am not the one who needs changing. I am good as I am. It's worse that after being failed in every aspect, I am now being seen as the one in 'the need of change', for not acting normal and being haunted by my past. I am not hurting anybody! I am the only one suffering from this. God forbid my reality leaves someone uncomfortable, I better try to hide it better. Which I actually do unless sometimes is actively asking me about it.
And the last bit of my anger is about making it seem like the actual problem is 'me holding onto the past', and not my life being severely different and harmful in a way that isolates me from other people. I don't have the same formative experiences other people had. I don't remember being cooed at and hugged, I don't have endless experiences of being taught that I'm important, that someone will care and intervene when I'm in pain, that the figures of mother and father are safe, warm, comforting and reliable. That childhoods are a positive and fun part of life. That families work as an environment for children to be raised on. I don't have the experiences that formed all other beliefs that this culture holds, I hold nothing sacred that is sacred to everyone else, I don't believe in the authorities, I don't believe in family, I don't rejoice with holidays, I don't want children, I don't trust religion, I feel contempt towards capitalism, I don't relate or connect to people who are receptive to any of it.
And it turns out I'm right to feel as I do. Because people in this society will actively come to me asking me to 'stop being like that', while never asking any abuser to 'stop being like that'. Victims who make them uncomfortable can be spoken down to, should be told to stop being traumatized, even in private, while the abusers just need to be 'ignored' and 'hopefully they stop doing it'. What a great plan. Surely it will fix everything.
Humane thing to do would be to approach me with awareness that I've been treated like a worthless creature and address it and allow me to act genuine about it. If I'm still feeling betrayed, abandoned and outcast from society, I should be able to express that. I deserve to react with genuine responses rather than this insane preformance art I have to do every single day to make sure nobody else is aware or uncomfortable by my peril.
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Question: what would each of the main cast reaction be when they found out that Leon is ONLY a weapon to the government? And let’s say they found out that they want to dispose him. Including Hunnigan’s reaction please.
Leon knows his role. He always knew. His utility was the only reason that allowed him to be kept alive even when he knew all about Umbrella and the Government.
Claire would be taking it the hardest and not on a personal level. But for Leon. He is her friend! Leon and Claire are partners in this fight! He is the man who risked it all to keep Sherry safe, like how Claire did through Raccoon City. He is not a WEAPON, DAMN IT! He is a HUMAN BEING!
Claire would be sad, mad... But also disappointed. Because deep down, she knows Leon always knew. He always knew his role in this.
"And you'll just accept this as your life until, what? I receive a call saying you "mysteriously" die and I'm left here to mourn your assassination?!"
Claire feels guilt. She should have never left that man and child behind. If she knew... If she could have known, by the GODS, she would have kept Leon close to her. Never out of her sight. Maybe... Maybe they could have been on the same side today. In Terra Save. Working as partners in and out of their work.
Who knows... What they could have been...?
Jill knows what it means to become a weapon. Even your free will is destroyed. She feels it the deepest on a personal level. Not different from what happened to her when Wesker took control over her; but Loen is not being controlled on a physical level to do it -, he is being emotionally controlled to act and do works he normally wouldn't agree with.
A sad destiny... Leon will either die on the battlefield or die as a "casualty" when the Government thinks he is of no use anymore.
"I know you. I know what you do does not equal to what you believe. You're a puppet, Leon. But that does not define who you are! If you need help to cut those ties, a place to be safe... Believe in us. Rely on us."
For Chris, it all made sense now... Leon's defeatist mentality. How he felt like he would never escape from this endless circle. Because Leon is not fighting to end the Bioterrorism, he is fighting so the real masterminds behind it all won't get caught. It is like a Lawyer wanting to end crimes. It does not work.
He works and makes a living out of those disgraces happening. Leon lives in a walking hypocrisy. An ocean of guilt and shame. He can't even be proud of his job like how his friends are.
Chris can't even imagine how would that feel. He is a proud B.S.A.A man. He wears the symbol for everyone to see. Leon keeps his hidden under his jacket.
"This is why you never make plans that far ahead? Because every day you're alive is just another miracle isn't it? Maybe ending yourself is the one comfort you have -, believing you're capable of at least choosing how you're going to die. But guess what, Leon? You're not alone in this fight... You're a friend. You're family."
Hunnigan... Hunnigan is really found of Leon. They are working together since, what? 2005?! Leon is... He is special to her. And knowing what the government has in store for him feels unfair. It IS unfair. Shouldn't her job be all about keeping him safe?! Ingrid would suggest him to just... Fake his death and she would want to give him all his freedom. Even if... A fake one...
#leon#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#leon scott kennedy#resident evil#biohazard#claire redfield#chris#claire#chris redfield#jill#jill valentine#hunnigan#ingrid#ingrid hunnigan#ask#question#answer#answered
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SteveTony Weekly - May 19 - Week 20
Hi friends! My daughter's graduation activities start today (!!!!) and in anticipation of an extremely busy week, I asked @meidui to pinch hit with a guest rec list. Check out her fantastic recs, say hi, and before sure to comment/kudos the fic you enjoy!
Therapy Works (if your therapist isn't a Hydra agent) by @16woodsequ
Tony accidentally stumbles onto the fact that Steve isn't holding things together quite as well as he makes it look. As awkward as it is at first, Tony's been there, and he finds himself reaching out to him.
But the more he tries to push past Steve's walls the more he realises just how deep his issues go. And they all seem to be pointing in one direction.
Should he really be surprised to find SHIELD is at the root of it?
My Thoughts: in sequ we trust when it comes to steve whump!! poor steve is all messed up from shield's abuse and has a list of psychological/emotional issues longer than his pre-serum ailments, and the way it shows is SO SO SO detailed and devastating and believable, and tony being tony is trying to mend what's broken. this is being updated every thursday until it's done and there's so much meat in every chapter that even if you don't usually read wips, this is 100% worth following along 🥺
Just for the Conversation by @msermesth
Tony's fine. He's back on the Avengers, Steve seems to have forgiven him, and he’s building Resilient to change the world.
Then why is he so jealous of Steve’s new boyfriend?
(Or: that awkward moment when you realize you are in love with your old best friend while having a three-way with him and his boyfriend, who just happens to be your counterpart from another universe.)
My Thoughts: if you love multiverse fics like i do this is for you, it's the perfect cocktail of multiverse shenanigans 😌 and don't worry if you haven't read any of the comics before, the author's note is very helpful and you don't need much background to enjoy jealous tony and a steve sandwich <3
Fortune Favours the Bold by @bladeofthenebula27
Omega Steve Rogers is betrothed to an old rich alpha nearly three times his age, and decides on an act of passionate rebellion before his wedding.
My Thoughts: neb writes the best omegaverse fics ever so you automatically cannot go wrong, but the mistaken identity in this fic is so pleasing and steve's internal dialogue is >>>
When It Comes to Trying by @softanticipation
Steve is weird about food. Tony takes notice.
(Or, because I was once told that whenever characters share food together, it means something.)
My Thoughts: i love rereading this fic and it hits the spot every time <3 it starts in the shawarma restaurant post-battle of new york and doesn't shy away from how tony gradually goes from ""disdain"" to adoration and steve adjusts slowly and fits in better with the team, and there's flirting and steve is so sweet and tony gets so gentle with him!! and the focus on food is executed so well i want to eat the whole fic
late night talking by @omg-just-peachy
Steve realizes he can't sleep without the light of the arc reactor.
My Thoughts: if you look up "comfort fic" in the dictionary all 700 words of this fic is there!! the established relationship is established relationshipping and clingy steve waiting on tony is so sweet 🥺
#stevetony weekly#steve rogers#tony stark#stevetony#stony#iron man#captain america#stevetony fic#stony fic#fic rec
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Max's Mom Watches TBB
Watched s3 episodes 9-12 today with my mom and here's how it went-
I swear she asks me who Wrecker is every time we watch this show together, and every time I tell her "That's Wrecker, he's my man." And her response is always: "The dumb one?"
Tried to tell her "No he's not dumb. He's actually really smart where it matters," but she was like, "That doesn't matter. He's not even the muscle of the team!" <- this was right after she watched Asajj kick their asses
"I can't believe they didn't make Omega look Asian like her voice actor :/" - "Mom, she's supposed to be modeled after Tem who's Maori. They didn't even get THAT right."
"What's in [Crosshair's] backpack?" - "Toothpicks, probably." - "Is he a recovering smoker?" - "Probably."
Crosshair actually got a few laughs out of her surprisingly
When Asajj spotted them watching through the binoculars and Wrecker got all surprised she was cracking up
When they took Brayhn she was like "He's too young :("
"Now she has a conscience?" <- talking about Emerie wanting to help the kids - "Yeah *goes into a long conversation about the Jango Fett/Mandalorian paternal gene joke"
*Phee shows up* - "Who's that?" - "Phee. Tech's girlfriend." - "The one who died?" - "Yeah, last season." - "I thought that was Hera's husband?" - "No, that's Kanan in Rebels, a completely different show, Mom please-"
Was telling her about how happy I was about Tech having a black woman as a love interest and then was like, "and then he DIED! He missed out!" And she was like "🤷🏽♀️ that's what happens with they're poc."
"*snorts* dOMiCiLe 🙄"
"So why is *he doing all of this? *(talking about CX-2 invading Pabu) Why are they taking orders from him?" - "It's his job??"
Crosshair missed the shot and she looked at me like this:
My brother burst out laughing when Crosshair missed the shot, he was like, "WHAT??" he couldn't believe it
My other brother who likes to shit on my interests and therefore likes to make fun of me for enjoying Bad Batch actually sat and watched a few episodes and didn't make as many comments this time around, which was nice
He called Wrecker a himbo and also was like, "Why did they make this place look cool??" when he first saw Tantiss
Actually so glad that Tech is not in this because if he was she'd be turning to me every time he says or does something and poke me with a: "That's you!"
#i love my mom#idk how the fuck she remembered kanan and him dying and being hera's husband#but not wrecker???#as if I don't have a fuck ton of merch of him???#and like talk about him all the time???#next time we're able to sit down and finish the show watch her go 'who's that?' again#sigh#anyways#lmao she thinks they're all so pathetic because she keeps watching them get their asses kicked#also rewatching this show now with her after the finale makes me sick#ugh it's awful#i just sit there groaning the whole time#oh well#tbb#tbb s3#tbb spoilers#tbb hunter#tbb wrecker#tbb crosshair#tbb omega#max's mom watches tbb
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im a bit nervous to say this cause i really dont involve myself in tulpa discourse other than stating im accepting of tulpas, but its my understanding in life that people can't own actions. yes certain cultures and religions may have their specific way of doing something and make it their own, but that doesn't mean they own that action, they own the way they do the action. (im using own kinda liberally im not trying to imply they have some sort of legal ownership lol) but so with tibetan buddhist tulpamancy (i cant for the life of me remember the word they actually use) they dont own the concept of creating another entity in your mind or "self" but they do own the way they do it and their beliefs attached to it. im trying to relate this to something but i cant think of any analogies that would be as specific as this, and i dont want any anti-tulpas to see my general example and think im comparing to very different things.
Yeah, I think tulpacourse can be pretty difficult to wade through sometimes. Personally, I'm not entirely sure I even agree with the concept of owning your own beliefs. Even in a figurative way. Aside from, maybe, actually totally closed cultures.
I see beliefs as things that are meant to be shared, adapted, or sometimes even torn apart and scavenged for scraps. And sometimes, I do think the way these things happen might be offensive to some people who feel connected to them.
I don't really feel like this applies in the case of tulpamancy at all because I think it's so far divorced from Tibetan Buddhism as to not share any beliefs with it whatsoever.
But this was something I thought about a lot during the whole thing about God being plural. Because there, I'm playing directly with people's very sacred and personal beliefs. And I'm doing so in a way that some people are going to find offensive.
And the thing I decided is that... I don't feel like Christians have ownership over their beliefs. Not in a way that they would get to dictate who can use them or how they're used.
Yes, they can complain if they find something offensive or blasphemous. And some will do that very loudly. But I don't think I should feel obligated to avoid offending people either.
Especially when Christianity is itself based on Judaism. In fact, basically every old religion is a permutation of a permutation of a permutation, dating back thousands of years to religions which would look very differently from anything that's practiced today.
And I also think again on certain practices that some might consider offensive, such as the conversation on Godspouses where some people believe they both can communicate and marry certain deities. I don't see that people from those religions have any sort of right to police the beliefs of others. They can be offended by godspouses if they want. But that doesn't mean the godspouses are somehow in the wrong for their beliefs and experiences nor should they feel obligated to change how they worship and connect to their deities to please others.
...
As a side note, there was another fun note to come out of the tulpa AMA that I wanted to share. Michael Lifshitz is working with a scholar of Tibetan Buddhism to write an article on the practice tulpamancy was based on, going over texts that have never been translated to English!
So that's something pretty cool to look forward to! 😁
#syscourse#tulpa#tulpamancy#religion#pro endogenic#pro endo#pro tulpa#endogenic#plural#plurality#buddhism#system#systems
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i hate being a mentally ill adult actually. i hate that there’s always groceries to be bought and housekeeping to do and work in the morning i hate that we have no space to feel it all i hate that we walk around acting normal. there are so many people i know who are clearly deeply unhappy with their lives and we make silly little jokes that allude to it but sometimes i want to grab them by the shoulders and scream ‘i know you are miserable!! we can’t keep living like this!! this is why people break!!’ im sick of this drudgerous apathy i want us all to be dramatic like when we were teenagers i want us to sob together and scream bloody murder at each other and tell each other we want to kill ourselves not as a funny post-ironic joke but because we all feel like that sometimes!! i want us to get fucked up on god knows what til we can’t open our eyes i want us to take care of each other instead of always taking care of ourselves i want us to be vulnerable i want us to hold each others hands in the ambulance!!
#don't get me wrong there are happy and beautiful times! there is wonder and fulfillment!!#but how do u share in the one if u can't share in the other?#i can't walk into work and say#'yesterday all i could think about was which of you would cry if i died#but today i saw a kid pick a flower and it felt like the most beautiful thing that had ever happened'#i don't even talk to my friends like that! it's all 'haha yeah been having a rough week. u know how it is. hbu?'#i feel like im going crazy but i dont believe that! aren't we all feeling this??? is anyone else feeling this??? is this fucking normal????#am i just emotionally closed off?? is everyone else having these conversations am i the stunted one who doesn't know how to talk about it??#i KNOW im living with mental illness but so are a lot of people! im sad sometimes but im not losing my mind! i know other people feel this!!
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#like minds#murderous intent#like minds 2006#tom sturridge#eddie redmayne#nigel colbie#alex forbes#OKAY BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING#i know i said last post that that was the only contribution i'd make about this fim and then never again#but i think the spring sun turned me temporarily insane today and this happened#even i can't believe i willingly made another like minds post#and an edit too???? i don't make edits i make shitposts and the occasional analysis/meta post if the media is worth the effort#but an edit? with edgy quotes to boot? i just don't do that and yet here we are#i'm still like fighting the cringe to post but at the same time it's kinda a vibe#i see people make incredibly well put together edits and i'm over here with an on fire garbage can of a post#quote#literature#tom sturridge edit#eddie redmayne edit
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My friend: Let's go somewhere after work, that will help you keep your mind off thinking about him*
*We enter a store to buy some clothes for my friend in the men's section*
Me: You gotta be fucking kidding me....*and then proceeds to have the third breakdown of the day*
I'm like that meme... I am LITERALLY seeing him everywhere...I can't believe this 😭💔😭💔😭💔
#personal post#jjk spoilers#jjk leaks#I was not even ashamed of being fully crying in the middle of the store#kudos to my friend for buying me the shirt :')#I still can't believe this happened like... adkajhdkah out of all the days in the week... TODAY?!?!?#is this a sign#i've been avoiding all social media all day#but still!!! he found a way for me to see him 😭💔
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i haven't actually played sims in almost 2 years
#i'm not even a simblr at this point#i'm just an OC blog that happens to use sims as a medium#no i can't even say that#i use blender as a medium. my characters just happen to have been made using sims#& even then they are heavily modified in blender. they do not look right in game#i would model them myself from scratch if i thought i could#sometimes i do miss my old gameplay family but#i do not miss playing the game#i'm gonna try to make something today. idk what. but i need to make something or i will lose it#having one of those nothing i make is good or right moments yk#rainyrambles#ETA: i finished ATLA last night & i'm#oooooooooh the thoughts are so many#it was so good. can't believe it took me so long to watch it all the way through!!!#excited to watch tlok next#if you follow my personal i am sorry
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The best day of my life, not gonna lie 🥹💙🎹✨️
#I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED....#i met him.... i met the Alan Price...... agGGgHghghhghhh#march 14th!!! 2024!!!!! a pi day like no other!!!!!#gosh.... HE WAS SO NICE TOO.....#the concert was off the charts aaaaa... even my mom was like 'wow he's still singing in the same key as the album releases?!!?'#YES HE WAS AND HE WAS PLAYING THAT KEYBOARD FANTASTICALLY#i promised not to cry but i started crying when he did the 'house of the rising sun' organ solo.... he did it exactly like he did in '64....#not to mention my uncontrollable sobbing after the concert......#he liked my art book and told me he'd treasure it..... 🥹#AND HUGGED ME. AND TOOK A PHOTO WITH ME. AND SIGNED MY FAVORITE SINGLE.#alan you were soooooo nice to me aaaaa..... thank you 🥹#my mom and emma said his eyes softened when he saw my art book...#THANK YOU TO MY MOM AND SIMON FOR THE PHOTOS TOO!!!#at some point this week i need to do my 'price to play' write up for my alan/eric essay because OH YEAH I SAW THEIR 'PRICE TO PLAY' EPISODE#EARLIER THAT DAY...... RAHHHHHHH IT WAS SOOO GOOD#so excited for the birthday drawing i have planned for alan.... aaaaa 🥹💙💙💙💙💙#anyway my brain is a blissful mush at the moment... i will be thinking about this forever#things i said today#alan price#the animals#devil in her art#i guess this is somewhat of a face reveal lol i am a stereotypical mentally ill lesbian (also a nerd)
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i can't sleep :c
#and i think it's because i kinda have a lot on my plate rn#and lately i've gotten back into journaling- which is something im really proud of- cuz you know when i was with my ex i could never have my#own privacy so i had to give up journaling- which is something i had been doing nonstop since i was five and i could barely write#grammatically correct sentences- and im happy that im eventually journaling again- i really am- but this means that i do not know how to#handle my feelings unless i write- and today i was too depressed to write#cuz stuff happened at work as it usually does and im almost on my period and my PMS is killing me#then this man decided to tell me im incapable of loving and i will never find someone to love me back and that im a bad person and that im#uncaring and this hurt so much although i knew he was teasing- it still hurt!#then this other guy said im unreliable cuz i didn't show up for a task that was even optional and i had never 100% agreed on before#and i didn't show up because: depression + pms getting worse + had to figure out some bureaucratic shit that was pivotal and urgent#i talked to the moon this morning#that conversation we had (yeah i believe she replied) was the most meaningful thing of the day#so rn im just focusing on replaying it in my head because it was sweet and it was cathartic and i wanna do that tomorrow again#so im looking forward to it#while stupid voices in my head keep telling me that man is right and i AM a bad person who can't love and cant be loved#while stupid voices in my head tell me people are better off without me#ugh- i really cannot sleep- i have a lot of anxiety#and i hate that the most of it is caused by that stupid man i really hate that man#cinnamon darkness
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6666 😈🎉
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY FOR SO LONG
6666 story subs!
So many of you are riding the trash train to hell with me and I'm beyond proud. Yes, I know that 666 is the number with all the hype, but this one matters to me! And 888 of you are my ride-or-dies?? Bless up (or down, as you prefer).
#god looking at all these numbers makes me feel grateful#but also WTFFFF at myself for that word count O.o#even stranger is that I have so much unposted fic that it would push that number far past a million#hell the fic I've written but not posted in just the last year would punch that number up another 300k#ahhh I still can't believe this happened!!!#and I would have missed it entirely if I hadn't happened to pull up my statistics page today looking for something else entirely#thank you!!#ao3#my fanfic#ao3 stats#ao3 subscriptions
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