Quackerjack: Hey guys! What does "mute" mean??

Megavolt: (???) uh, It means a person is unable to speak

Quackerjack: "Unable to speak"? Jee, that must suck to be them :D

Bushroot sitting next to him: 😶 ...

Megavolt: 😨 ...

Liquidator: 😨 ...

Liquidator: um, Quacky, you know Bushroot is mute, right?

Quackerjack: huh? No, he's not!

Megavolt: wh- what?? What do mean "no, he's not"?!

Megavolt: Why else do you think he never speaks and uses sign language to communicate with us?!

Quackerjack: "SIGN LANGUAGE"?!

Quackerjack: I thought he liked PANTOMIME and was always in a mood for it !!

"Mr. Mulder, I Know Something About You"

(Dedicated to @baronessblixen for her fascinating idea: Bill Scully giving Tom Colton and Ethan Minette binders bulging with dirt on one Fox Mulder. This took a slightly different path, though.)

*****

The first time Bill heard the name Fox Mulder was the day after his sister and her partner were sucked almost dry and hospitalized in Washington State for nearly two weeks. One fuzzy, panicked call from Tara and one fuzzier, harried call from his mom sketched in the slim details: Dana was on the mend, she’d been investigating a missing loggers’ case with her partner--

“What 'partner'? She’s in the field?” 

She had been, for months. He’d forgotten to ask at their father’s funeral, convinced that her height and lack of experience had kept her teaching at Quantico. 

“Dana's mentioned him once before, I think. You know how tight-lipped she is about her life.”  

“Mom, do I need to come home? Is she….”

“No, Bill-- but I’ll call you if she takes a turn for the worse.” 

So, Bill stayed on board; and Dana got better, and Tara celebrated over the phone, and Maggie remembered the name: Fox Mulder. 

*****

The second time Bill heard the name Fox Mulder were the days following his sister’s abduction. 

His mother talked of little else-- with Dana’s captor dead, any possible leads had died with him. There was nothing now but faith and hope.  

“But I believe Fox will call as soon as he finds her.” 

Fox. His sister, Tara had told him, still called him Mulder. Then again, Tara’s attention was currently wrapped up in calendars and planners and endless negatives. For that matter, his was, too; and what little time he had to think of family he thought of her, alone, counting the rising costs of their countless tries, alone, while he worked as often as he could to forget to cover those costs and forget his own loneliness. And his sister, somewhere, alone; and his mother back in Maryland, alone.

Dana and her former partner’s professional relationship wasn’t a top priority, or even a distant concern.  

**** 

The third time Bill heard the name Fox Mulder was after promising his eldest sister that Tara would try her fertility herbs. His wife was curled up on one side, quiet, and Melissa stuck her toes in his other side, slyly smiling.

“Now that that’s out of the way,” she concluded, setting aside the herb pouch and pinning him with her eyes, “why haven’t you given Dana a call? She hasn’t said it, but she’s been expecting one.” 

“Don’t start, Missy.” He’d have disengaged, too, but Tara’s head was pressing into his shoulder, a sure sign she was falling asleep. And sleep was precious these days, what with the hormone shots and regular appointments and never-ending stress. He’d promised to shoulder her stresses for nine more weeks; and whether this was a test or not, Bill Scully had and would never back down from his word. 

Melissa, opportunistic woman that she was, had banked on it, waiting for her sister-in-law’s “dozing” tea to kick in before launching the subject. “Billy, you know you want to talk to her. What’s the problem? I mean, she almost… we almost lost her. Why can’t you let whatever you’re holding onto--” 

“Miss--” he stopped, his voice startling them temporarily.

“You owe it to her, Bill. You two haven’t talked in months; and you both say it’s because of your work but really it’s because of your pride. You’re both so like Dad; but at least Dad was blind to what it did to us."

“And what about Dana? She's back on her feet and running right back to her autopsies and late nights. You can’t point a finger at me without three pointing right back at her. At least I try to be there for my family.” 

“You weren’t there when she was gone.” 

He swallowed, stung and angry. “And who was, Melissa? You?”

Her toes gripped his hip, guilty. “Fox.” 

*****

The fourth time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was during his sister’s not-so-secret battle with cancer. His mother called often to vent and cry, unable to share her worries and pain with her only living daughter and unwilling to burden Tara with more stress.  

Fox had become a footnote of late, so consumed was he and Dana in their work. 

“Mom, how can you let Dana run herself down like that? She should be resting or looking into treatments-- anything rather than chasing after rag magazine cases half across the country!” 

“Bill, you know perfectly well not everyone can run to sea to escape their problems. Not even you.” 

*****

The fifth time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was after he’d met the man, watched him fill Dana’s head with insane theories about chips and government conspiracies, and backed off, awed, when Dana’s cancer miraculously went into remission. 

He was roaming the halls, searching for coffee to wash down the remainder of his rage at Fox Mulder’s red eyes and dazed expression when he noticed another government type walk stiffly towards the nurse’s desk, brusquely flash a badge, straighten his stiff spine and stiffer tie, and promptly demand to see “Fox Mulder.” 

“I know where he is,” Bill cut in, saving the nurse the hassle but still getting a glare for his trouble. “Bill Scully. How can I help you?”

“Yes-- I was sent to bring him back for questioning; and we’re expected in,” he looked significantly at his watch, “forty minutes. If you would take me to him--”

“Take Mulder where?” Bill snapped around to see Walter Skinner, A.D., striding over, eyebrows drawn and face grim.  

“Yes, Sir. Agent Mulder is being called in for--”

“The committee’s been disbanded until further notice, Agent Colton; and until I have those further orders, my agents are not to be bothered or contacted while they are in this hospital. Is that understood?” 

Bill watched the other man’s jaw lock, grind, and shift as it worked its stubborn way around, “Understood, Sir.” Then Agent Colton turned tail and fled, heels thudding down the tile on their thunderous path to the elevator. 

A.D. Skinner wasn’t done yet. “My apologies, Mr. Scully. That agent was out of line; and I'll see to it that your family isn't bothered again.” 

It was best to nod and let the A.D. think he was frustrated with the intrusion.

Mulder could have been mid-conversation or on his way out by now. Instead, he would still be on that bench long after the family had left for the night. 

He seemed the type. 

*****

The sixth time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was over another phone call, mere months before the birth of his child. 

“Bill Scully? You might not remember me, but my name’s Ethan, Ethan Minette, and Dana and I used to date back when, well rather, right after she was recruited by the FBI. She ever mention me? Yes? No? Anyway, not important. Calling about information you might possibly have on, lemme check… Fox? Mulder, yep, Fox Mulder. Dana’s partner? There was a case she was involved in recently, really gruesome, real Frankenstein abomination stuff; and Colton, Tom Colton? You know him? Dana’s friend? Anyway, we keep in touch, we’re related somewhat, you know? And he named you as a hot tip and I was wondering if you…. Yeah, yeah, I can wait.” 

He and Tara fought afterward: Tara, as big as a house, was ready to cave the roof in.

“Dana’s coming for the holidays, Bill! And you two will spend the week in stony silence avoiding each other and, and Maggie and I will have to try to keep the peace instead of celebrating our first Christmas as a growing family, and-- and how could you do that, Bill? After all Fox Mulder did for our family?” 

Bill was lacking even to his ears; and, after cooler heads prevailed, he dialed Ethan back up and insisted his name be kept out of the article. Ethan talked doubly fast, banging a pen up and down every other word for emphasis as he cajoled and steamed about losing necessary credibility; but, inevitably, gave in. 

“I’ll only do this because you’re Dana’s brother and she was a real sweetheart. But if I need to call you in future…?” 

“I don’t have any more information.”

Dana skipped most of Christmas, anyway. 

*****

The seventh time Bill heard Fox Mulder’s name was when he flew in for Emily Sim’s hearing. 

“I need him as a witness if I’m to have any chance getting custody of Emily,” Dana had stated carefully, meticulously avoiding eye contact as much as possible. Bill still caught her bewilderment and fear… and joy. 

“When’ll he get here?” 

“Tonight, tomorrow… he didn’t say when, just that he’d be here.” He caught her smile, too. 

“Dana…” Her head snapped up, and he paused. “We’ll be there.” 

“Bill, you don’t have to--”

“We’ll be there, Dana.” 

And they were. 

And so was Fox Mulder. 

Bill left with Tara, tired and emotional, and Maggie, displaced and confused, after exchanging silent, cursory greetings with his sister’s partner. While he slowly walked away, both women in tow, he heard a curt “Dana Scully and Fox Mulder” echo behind him. 

And, in spite of everything, he sent up a prayer for both.

*****

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

Tagging @today-in-fic

Could I get Hound, Optimus, Hotrod and Bumblebee's hc response to their cyber s/o having a family member who was separated from them in the start of the war and they haven't heard word from them since. But they refuse to believe the worst and keep asking around and looking through old war records, trying to find any name or indication that they are still out there somewhere. Just holding out and believing that they will find them despite most on Cybertron telling them that they probably passed during the war.

Warning: Bit angsty, loss of family, missing family, loss of hope, mention of dark times, mention of death.

Hound:

He's glad they won't give up. He wishes he could feel the same way but he just can't. He's been fighting for so long and lost so many friends it's hard for him to carry hope.

For him, unless he actually sees the bot in front of him, he won't believe they are alive. He has to see the proof.

Which he thinks sucks, and he wishes he could be more positive. He just can't.

However he keeps all of this to himself. He will not let his doubt cloud his S/O's mind. He wants them to keep their hope, he wants them to keep looking for their family member. And he helps them, he does all he can to help look because he refuses to crush his S/O's spirit and hurt them by saying their family is probably gone. He doesn't want them to feel that pain until they are ready.

Optimus:

Out of everyone, he has seen the most loss. He has seen the most amount of death, losing all the Autobots that followed him through the war. He hates that pain. Optimus does hold out hope that there are many Autobots out there still alive. He has to believe that because the reality, that there probably isn't, is crushing and hurts.

He's so glad his S/O is holding out hope and searching for them. Hope is everything, hope is the best way to help keep everyone moving forward. So he believes with them.

He does all he can to help look. He tries to remember details of the war to see if he remembers their family member. He asks around, he gives them access to old records, just doing what he can to help.

He too is holding out hope to see some of his old friends. he hopes they are with his S/O's family.

Hot Rod:

He holds out hope just like is S/O. He knows that most of the Cybertronian population was lost. But he also knows it's very possible that a few survive. He survived, his brother in arms Bee survived, so he knows it's possible that others could too.

He won't ever let his S/O give up hope. If there is ever a day they feel like giving up, he is there to tell them to keep searching. Their family member could be out there, and he needs them to keep looking.

If anyone else tries to tell his S/O to stop he'll make them stop talking, or he'll dispute their argument, telling them to not be so negative. He won't let anyone put his S/O down on their hope or beliefs.

Hot Rod often likes to look out at the stars and think about who is out there, often imaging them coming and landing beside him. And he likes to get his S/O out there with him. Together they will look at the stars and think about being reunited with their family.

Bumblebee:

He lost hope a while ago. Not completely, it's still there somewhere and sometimes it comes out. But he's more hopeful about other things, like the possibility of a new life on Earth, or hopeful that they can stop Decepticons.

He does find it hard to think about being reunited with lost Autobots. Space is so vast and huge, and the war was so hard that he thinks if somebot was lost, it would take a miracle to find them.

He'll never say this to his S/O though. He adores their hopeful thinking, and often when he is in a dark place their hope gets him through it all.

He tries to help his S/O look for their family member, and he keeps telling them it's possible. Deep down he does want it to be possible. He really, really, wants them to find their family member, and many other lost bots. Sometimes he does get a small spark of hope, but as time goes on he loses that hope, and thinks that they will never find them.

YOU KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT MAN. you know what i want... i um um methinks . all of them if you woulf be so kind 😁

CRIES AND GOES INSANE!!! i should not have expected anything else cyno beloved. IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG.

Height  -  five five or five six!

Virgin?  -  no i am the bang master

Shoe size  -  i have no idea

Do you smoke?  -  no and i honestly think people who do are cringe

Do you drink?  -  have drank but im not a fan of it, so no and i don't plan to. not a grand experience.

Do you take drugs?  -  aside from prescription medication, no.

Age you get mistaken for  -  early 20's

Have tattoos?  -  no!

Want any tattoos?  -  yes i definitely plan to get some. i want a genshin themed tat as cringe as it is.

Got any piercings?  -  no!

Want any piercings?  -  yes! i almost got my ears pieced but i chickened out. one day maybe.

Best friend?  -  tumblr user onemillionvolts aka CYNO!!

Relationship status  -  taken by my lovely lovely girlfriend starlynx!

Biggest turn ons  -  oh god uh. definitely. my girlfriend. my girlfriend. and my girlfriend.

Biggest turn offs  -  ducklips iykyk but also over confidence. people who believe they are higher beings (queen, angel, god, etc) when they are just some guy make me and everyone they know uncomfortable. especially religious terms or pronouns on yourself is something i find extremely disrespectful. i could write an essay on that topic.

Favorite movie  -  zombieland

I’ll love you if  -  you're funny and look exactly like a certain general mahamatra and and and

Someone you miss  -  my girlfriend

Most traumatic experience  -  almost had cancer. almost drowned to death. lost my best friend because he chose weed over me. got my trust betrayed by someone i thought had changed and now they're impersonating someone close to me and someone important to my best friend.

A fact about your personality  -  i have multiple. but uh, im very emotional and also deadpan there is no in-between it is horrible.

What I hate most about myself - oh god, im a suck up and a people pleaser.

What I love most about myself ‐ i can write okay and im good at listening to problems and giving advice if they want or need it. i'm also pretty okay at problem solving.

What I want to be when I get older ‐ a musician honestly, but my fingers lock up and it's hard to play what im passionate about.

My relationship with my sibling(s) ‐ neutral, i don't talk to them.

My relationship with my parent(s) - i like my mom but she's a little overbearing, my dad is.. something else. /neg

My idea of a perfect date - anything at night and not too high energy, unless it's like roller skating then im so down. i love calm environments and just getting to talk and get to know each other, im a sucker for psychological conversations too.

My biggest pet peeves - liars and cheaters and people who say they'll change and never do. waste of everyone's time.

A description of the girl/boy I like - my girlfriend

A description of the person I dislike the most - tumblr user s *gets shot* no but actually, probably my ex, man looks like shane dawson now and he's got the personality to match.

A reason I’ve lied to a friend - ive lied to someone so they stopped asking me out. they still won't stop. don't know what i gotta do to make them stop but oh well.

What I hate the most about work/school - bad education system + im autistic and i can't handle those environments. school was very, very neglectful.

What your last text message says - not copypasting but i asked my girlfriend if she wanted to play mario kart when she got home. ps im great at mario kart.

What words upset me the most - i don't really like being called fam. is that something? oh well.

What words make me feel the best about myself - any positive words of affirmation.

What I find attractive in women - being my girlfriend

What I find attractive in men - being my girlfriend

Where I would like to live ‐ somewhere cold and away from people, i love the country.

One of my insecurities - i have a lazy eye but im getting surgery for it very soon, so i guess.. my chest? and my permanent baby face.

My childhood career choice - taxidermist

My favorite ice cream flavor - black raspberry!!! tastes the absolute best.

Who wish I could be - something better.

Where I want to be right now - somewhere cold and comfy, or at my girlfriends

The last thing I ate - burger king original chicken sandwich yum

Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately ‐ my girlfriend

A random fact about anything - boreal forests have six seasons instead of four.

Promise.

pairing : shuntaro chishiya x f reader

tw : angst, unresolved grief, death, mentions of death, blood, violence (beating up someone), chishiya being violent

a/n : this is my first post- cndovn- but i am currently having a massive crush on this man right here <3 ALSO CHISHIYA GIVES ME MASSIVE KENMA VIBES (im sorry for the typos, i wrote this at 4 am-)

-

There he was again, sitting at the edge of the rooftop of the Beach, hoods on and hands in his white Nike zip up sweater, well, it was given to him. He looked down to see all of the horny animals dancing and living their life as if it was their last day. Chishiya sighed, ‘Everyone looks like their all about to die, as always.’

It was a beautiful day in this cruel country. But it’s just like any other day, people will die tonight, either because their visa will expire or die during a game. Dying in a game, probably the worst death here. Chishiya sighed again and took a deep breath, trying to erase all negativity going through his head. Though, there’s one thing that he can’t get out of his head.

“Hey, Chishiya.”

Chihsiya whipped his head to where he heard the voice. He was about to call her name, but he only saw Kuina at the door of the rooftop entrance, looking at Chishiya with a confused look. ‘Ah... I’m still hearing her voice, I must be crazy.’

“An told me you guys had a meeting, I’m just here to rely the message to you.”

The blonde male nodded and stood up, making his way to where Kuina was. No words were exchanged between the both of them, though Kuina noticed the slight mood change the male had every now and then. There are times where he’s cocky, would always slide comment when he had the chance, had his guard up, and times where he just became more reserved than ever and was cold and gloomy.

Kuina noticed, but never dared prying on it, not wanting to get on the intelligent man bad side.

Chishiya on the other side, he zipped up the white hoodie he loved very much. He entered the meeting room and sat at his place, like always, though he kept a pokerface while hugging the hoodie he was wearing. He felt several pair of eyes on him, not on him, but the zip up he was wearing. No one dared to say anything, though Niragi wasn’t having it.

“Chishiya. Were you really obligated to wear that zip up when we’re in a meeting?!”

Niragi shouted from his place, gripping hard the rifle he had in his hand. No one budge or said anything, even Hatter looked at Chishiya, both with envy and anger in his eyes.

“It was given to me. Why whouldn’t I wear it? If you’re thinking that we should share it, you, out of everyone in this room, that I don’t share what I own. And plus, if we shared it, you’d only get blood on it and dirty it, y/n managed to keep it white and as clean as possible. I won’t let your stupidity ruin it.”

“You wouldn’t know what y/n would have wanted!” Niragi stood up and pointed his rifle at the blonde male.

“I knew y/n longer than you.”

“We were still close!”

“To someone like you? I don’t think so, you’re a complete psycho, Niragi.”

“Give it a break! We’re all mourning Chishiya, espicially An! So what the hell do you mean, y/n-”

“Y/n is dead.” Last Boss said while looking at the arguing males.

The room was even more quiet than it ever was, not only with the statement, but for the bald tattooed male to speak up and empathized the dead made them slightly uncomfortable. With no one saying a thing for a minute or two, Mira stood up and talked about the card they were able to collect and that they haven’t gotten news ones for a while. An talked about the medical supplies and that she was running out from it, Hatter asked Aguni and his Militants to accompany An for a short run to grab all supplies they can gather.

She was the first one to leave, the meeting room which was understandable. When no one said anything, Hatter talked about adding a new rule. Rule number three, death to traitors.

Soon after, the meeting was done.

The blonde male made his way to his room, opening the door he saw a familiar figure sitting on his bed, when he blinked the figure was gone. Chishiya closed his room door and laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling. He never felt so confused and empty in his entire life. He never wanted to deal with anyone’s emotions or feelings, let alone his. But upon on thinking and thinking, he came to a conclusion he now only realized.

How much he loved y/n.

“Damn it. This hurts... This sucks.”

Too tired and exhausted to think, Chishiya closed his eyes and embraced the darkness that surrounded him.

“Chishiya?” A voice called out.

The blonde male turned his head, seeing a petite figure looking at him as if he was a ghost. He looked at her from head to toe and his eyes grew wide, he instantly got up and hugged the petite figure.

“Y/n?” He said in a weak voice.

The petite figure sighed in relief and hugged the male back, while letting out a small sob. They were currently in an abandonned mall, gathering food and necessities to get through the night. Y/n came back with a ton of canned food and water, while Chishiya came back with the others things they needed, such as flashlights and batteries and other things.

The both of them were catching up upon missed times and Chishiya kept eyeing on how she was dressed, grey sweatpants with a nike zip up and what looked like a swimsuit top, and the pink locker bracelet around y/n wrist. The numbers 009 was on the bracelet and the girl knew he was looking at it.

“What’s the most recent game you completed?” The petite girl asked.

“Six of diamonds, how about you?” Chishiya said, eating the canned peach. He didn’t noticed the slight spark in y/n’s eyes, but she smiled.

“Nine of hearts.” Y/n said and took a bite of her food.

A comfortable and peaceful silence was set between the two until the girl broke it.

“I want to take you somewhere.”

~

“Hatter, I want him to be part of the executives.”

Y/n said right after they all welcomed her back. All of them looked at her with confused and looked at Chishiya then back at y/n. The girl only smiled and put all of cards she collected on the table. Chishiya couldn’t believe the amount of cards she had in her possession, there was 14 cards in total.

“Chishiya cleared a diamonds game and is the lone survivor, I highly believe that his skills can be very useful to us. Also, I have known him before entering the Borderland. He is like a precious gem, full of hidden talents!”

She said while putting her hands in her grey sweatpants.

The blonde male was taken aback by the sudden praise, but dind’t show it. The others turned their attention to Chishiya, hearing the praise from y/n made them have a base opinion on Chishiya, he was smart and must not be harmed. Hatter started to explain the two rules to Chishiya and handed him a blue locker bracelet with the number 011 on it.

“Enjoy the Beach!”

~

After Chishiya settled in the Beach for a couple of weeks, he and y/n grew closer than they ever were before. The two of them became inseparable.

During one night, Chishiya and y/n were hanging out in the lobby, they were part of the first teams that finished early. Chishiya lost his other hoodie, blood was splattered on it, due to a player clung onto him begging him to help him and his collar went off.

In short words, he was currently shirtless. Y/n trying her best not to look, couldn’t help, but take a peek, thought the blonde male caught her.

“Like what you see?”

He said with a grin plastered on his face. Out of embarrassment, she took off her white Nike zip up and handed it to Chishiya, who watched her with an amused expression.

“H-here...! It’s yours now..!” She said and sprinted to elsewhere.

Chishiya sat there smiling at himself and decied to put the zip up on. He got up from his place and went off to find y/n. A part of him starting to worry, since it’s been an hour and he hasn’t found the petite girl yet. He passed the lobby at least three or four times, that’s when he started asking around.

With no one knowing where the girl was, he even asked Niragi, he too was worried so they both went on their sides to find her. Chishiya went outside and started to walk around the perimeter until he heard an oh so familiar voice coming form the sketchy alleyway.

“Were you hiding the cards from Hatter?”

“So what if I was?! I had to watch my friends die in front of me to be able to get this card! I’m not giving it to some cult leader or whatever he is!”

Chishiya rushed to the voices and saw one of the new militants holding three cards in his left hands and a gun in this right. Y/n tried to reason with the boy, but it only seemed to boil his blood even more, to the point he raised his gun. Chishiya ran to y/n side and hid her behind him, y/n on the other side was surprised.

“Put the gun down... You’re pointing it at the most important person apart from Hatter.” Chishiya tried calm the boy down, but didn’t work.

“Y/n... You remember Kirika? She was close to you right? Did you know that she gave her life up so that I can survive the game? Her last words were, ‘Tell y/n, thank you... I love you Aki-kun.’ She gave her life for me because she loved me!”

Aki broke down crying, falling on his knees and letting out pained screams. Y/n came forward tears falling down her cheek and approached Aki and gave him a hug. She careful put the gun down and caressed the top of Aki’s head.

“Kirika was a wonderful person, Aki, she was-“

Y/n sentence was cut abruptly and Chishiya took a step wondering why y/n suddenly stopped talking, he took another stop forward, his eyes widening seeing Aki’s hands was covered in blood and held a knife. He dropped the knife and moved his hand to grab the gun next to him.

“You’re all Hatter’s soldier. We have to end this, I have to end it.”

Aki grabbed the gun and slowly got up, hair covering his eyes. While Chishiya looked at how y/n’s body fell to the side and seeing a dark substance staining her grey sweatpants. A small pool of her own blood was starting to form underneath her.

Chishiya looked at Aki who was still mumbling things, but he saw red. The blonde grabbed the closest thing to him, which was a metal pipe, and ran towards Aki, hitting him with it, unable to stop himself.

Chishiya’s blood was boiling, he never felt so angered in his entire life. He kept on swining the pipe, hitting a part of Aki’s body every time. His vision was red, he couldn’t even hear the screams of his victim. What brought him back was Aguni taking off the metal pipe off of his hands. Chishiya’s face was unrecognizable, it was full of hatred, sadness, anger and disgust. Aguni never saw such expression on the male’s face before, he always looked so calm and preserved.

Something caught Chishiya off guard when he looked at Aguni. His eyes were red, as if he was holding himself back not to cry, that’s when he remembered y/n. He turned around to see An trying to stop the bleeding from y/n’s wound, but the blood was coming out and went through all of the amount of cloth that was put on it.

The blonde male rushed towards y/n’s side caressed her face while shaking his head. Tears fell on the girl’s cheek while Chishiya was telling y/n to stay with him. He soon looked at An and she was trying everything she could, all of the sudden, a small and tired voice caught his attention.

“S...shuntaro...? Ri-chan..?”

The blonde male whipped his head to look at y/n. She was smiling. Why was she smiling? She was dying, but she was still smiling. Chishiya tried to understand her, but couldn’t.

“S-spending my... last moments.. with the ones I love.. Shun... taro... I’m sorry... but pro..mise me... you’ll live, okay?”

“W..why are you saying sorry.. No. We both survive okay? Look... An... An will take care of you okay?”

Y/n turned weakly looked over the forsenic, who was doing her best to keep the petite girl alive. They made an eye contact, y/n let out a pained sigh while An shook her head. Y/n was trying to stay strong until the very end.

“Ri..chan... Thank you for everything... Take care... Big sis...”

At this point, An was crying too and shouted for other people to come help them. Y/n placed her bloodied hand on Chishiya’s cheek, wiping his tears away, he held her hand as she caressed him. She was so warm, he never knew she was this warm before. He didn’t wanted her to leave.

Just not yet.

“No.. No, you can’t leave.. Hang on okay y/n..? Help is... help is on the way.”

Y/n shook her head and let all of her tears fall, managing to give Chishiya one final smile.

“Shuntaro... I love you.”

At her words, y/n’s eyes closed and her hand went limp, landing on her body. When the other arrived, all of the executives looked at the scene before them. They were too late. An was crying, still holding on her little sister dead body, telling her to wake up and not to leave her. Chishiya sat there unable to move or say anything.

A pang of guilt hit two executives in particular and they slightly looked at each other and sighed, tears slowly coming in their vision. Aguni was behind them and his fist turned white, knowing y/n was the most important person in the Beach. She was the only one who kept Hatter in the sane side.

Niragi pushed the people aside and dropped his rifle, analyzing the dead girl’s feature. Y/n died with a smile on her face.

“She looks so peaceful.”

Chishiya woke up at the sound of the bell, indicating to gather in the lobby and group up, since the games were about to start. He felt something wet on his side and he looked at his pillow, it was wet. He touched his face and he shook his head, laying on his bed once again.

He cried. He was crying.

He looked at the ceiling and smiled sadly, clutching on his chest at the amount of pain he felt. The memory of her smiling to him was engraved in his mind and he wasn’t going to let it go.

“I never had the chance to tell you that I loved you too... I’m sorry.. I only now realized it..”

He stood up, wiping the tears off of his face, putting his shoes on and went to the lobby. He put his hood on and tucked his hands in the pockets, he analyzed everyone and he nodded to himself.

‘I will keep my promise.’

Better Man.

              ~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~

Taehyung x OC 

Rating 18 +

Angst. 

Implied Infidelity in the past. 

Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time. 

"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her. 

"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles. 

I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms. 

He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face. 

"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance. 

Us. 

Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.

 I was the one getting a  divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.

To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us )  and he had been the most kind man . 

I swallowed. 

Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine.  It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over? 

 The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, "  I’m sorry,  Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.

 But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again. 

So we had done the wise thing. 

At first a break.

 A few days apart to get our head on straight.  Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we  were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other. 

"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation. 

People with children  didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .

But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.  

But, none of it mattered now. 

He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real. 

It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.

 Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband. 

He would be  my ex -husband. 

i hated that word. 

It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.

 Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered,  angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 

An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.

Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world. 

I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.

I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer.  It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery. 

It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior. 

I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel. 

 I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.

I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me

? 

It had been sheer luck that we had met.... 

In fact, if Jimin's  car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung  just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it. 

Boom. That was it. Love at first sight. 

 I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either . 

And I had fallen in love with that version of him. 

The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him. 

 That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years.  So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order. 

"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating. 

"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. " 

 Whatever it was. 

How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection  reduced to a phrase like that. 

What a pity. 

"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably. 

"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.” 

My mother sighed.

"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly. 

I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did  love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. 

And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung. 

My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives. 

And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.” 

And that had stuck with me. 

Walk out the first time. 

If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time. 

 And so I had. 

“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.

“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself.  “ I shouted. 

My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down. 

“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending. 

Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight.  I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible. 

It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. 

Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in . 

So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative. 

Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us  why.  

Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue. 

So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life. 

It wasn’t easy. 

From him,  it had been nothing but a mess of   heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give. 

Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering. 

Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare.  I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least  once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy. 

Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning. 

I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves. 

I sighed, looking away.

It was way too early for this. 

“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him. 

He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him. 

I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. . 

Of course, the customary hug. 

i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....

A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine? 

Was I just too cynical?

I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face. 

“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.

 Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together. 

No, that wasn’t it. 

He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them. 

“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized.  “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him. 

“Okay .” I said casually. 

He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.

“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.

“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.

“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged. 

“Does she know that?” I retorted.

 It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.

Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.

“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased. 

It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight  into my heart. 

That stupid nickname. 

God I couldn’t bear it. 

Swallowing i looked away. 

“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later. 

I nodded curtly. 

“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely. 

“Why not?” He whispered gently. 

I groaned. 

“Taehyung... “

“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered. 

“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.

He blinked.

“Mia...”

“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “ 

“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him. 

“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted. 

“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”

“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.

“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he  had  used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw. 

I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me. 

“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “ 

The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently. 

She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us. 

“Shall we begin?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride. 

Gaea - The blooming Spirit

Seth Clearwater x Female OC | 10 years after Breaking Dawn | OC with Earth Powers

Also on: AO3 - FF.net

________________________________

Request from @purpledragon04: Can you write a Seth Clearwater x reader where she has earth elements.

I'm sorry it took me all this time to write this down, but I fell into a rabbit hole and I just lost all my creativity. I still hope you like this :))

Requests are still open, Twilight Wolfpack only!

It took me all my mental strength to finally go out from the house, from my garden in particular and get some fresh air. Lately, all I have been doing is lying in our glasshouse and taking care of my flowers. I didn’t adapt that much to the new town, to the cold and rainy days, to the lack of sunshine and especially the lack of flowers. Green was the predominant colour, together with grey. Green was all I could see since we moved to Forks. And grey was all I could feel, no matter how hard I tried.

Leaving my beloved Alsace was harder than I thought, especially because of my powers. They grew there, they got stronger there, I could move mountains, trees, I could grow roses, lilies, tulips wherever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I could make strawberries and cherries gems bloom in autumn If I wanted. While in Forks... it was like they just got weaker and I was getting weaker with them.

There was something in that town that just sucked the life out of me, I couldn't feel any connection with the grass, the trees, with the animals and no one could figure out why.

I was used to attracting animals, playing with them, to cuddle them in those endless French summers. There was this innate curiosity in them for me, because of my powers. Controlling the element of earth meant not only being able to let nature grow around me or on me – uncountable were the times I let flowers grow in my hair - but it also came with the ability to be connected to animals, understand them even without speaking the same language. I was used to birds flying to me and sit on my fingers or shoulders just with a tiny whistle or ladybugs quickly crawling on my bare feet.

In Forks I could whistle as much as I wanted, no one ever came. I could stay sit on the grass and no flower could grow.

“This forest considers you a treat, ma chérie. You’re a stranger here, a frightful one I would say. The trees and the animals do not know your powers, it is something never seen here.” My father used to say the first days but the more those days passed the more concerned he became. To not talk about my mother, she was almost hysterical and when she saw me dressed up to go somewhere different from the usual glasshouse, she almost cried.

“Isn’t it a little too much, Maman?” I asked furrowing my brows and questioning if mental sanity was still present in our house.

“You have not gone out since we moved, mon chou” – she started while I rolled my eyes.

“And I haven’t seen you wearing something different from sweatpants and t-shirts for 2 months. I’m just happy to see you in one of your colourful dresses”. She said, gifting me with one of her sweetest smiles.

My mother was the epithet of sweetness and kindness and it was from her that I inherited my powers. On my 16th birthday they flowed from her to me and, if I’ll have a daughter, one day it will happen to us too. My powers will be hers and she will pass to her daughter, and her daughter to her daughter and so on. All the women in our bloodline will always carry the Nature genes (another of my father’s names, who was really into X-Men).

“Anyway, I’m going exploring. Don’t wait for me. If we are lucky enough, I’ll find out why my powers do not work here”, I said while grabbing my pink purse and opening the front door.

“Don’t let the trees catch you, chérie”, my father said smirking. I was waiting for the day in which he’ll finally stop saying such horrible dad jokes. Especially the inside jokes only we could understand.

It was raining outside, like every day in that town, but bringing an umbrella with me was out of discussion. I have never felt so distant from Mother Nature since we moved here, so a little bit of rain pouring down on my bare skin would have been a blessing in disguise. The best sensation in the world: being outside while it was raining, especially during the summer. The only problem was that it was autumn in Forks, and I could have easily caught a cold… still I didn’t mind at all.

----

Hours? Months? Years? I don’t even remember how much time I spent that day in the forest strolling around without really thinking where I was going. At some point, while it was still raining, I also took off my shoes and started walking on the muddy and cold soil with bare feet – which may sound disgusting, but once you try how good it feels to just walk without shoes and feeling every inch of the forest under your feet, you’ll never stop doing it.

As I imagined, no traces of animals or plants moving or whatsoever. There was a strange and ominous silence throughout the forest. No birds were chirping, no snakes slithering, no deer jumping around.

When I got out of the house, I was full of hope, I truly believed that all that negative energy was all in my head, that I could fix whatever was happening at that time. But the more I walked the more I started losing that hope. I couldn’t feel anything.

Arrived at a river, I decided to sit down for a moment. The rain stopped a few moments back. I sat on the riverbank and let my feet fell into the cold – freezing – water as I wasn’t enough wet from head to toe. I sat there, sighing and biting my bottom lips in frustration. Why? Why my powers didn’t work? Was it my fault? Of course it was, it’s never Mother Nature’s fault, it’s always mine. Whatever I was, a collateral effect, a special genes carrier or simply a freak, that forest knew.

Another louder sigh came out of my mouth, almost in a desperate attempt to not start crying. I laid down, on the pebbles surrounding the riverbank and what my eyes saw at that moment freaked me out in ways I could have never imagined.

Two dark brown eyes were looking at me, were curiously observing me from the treeline and they did not belong to another human being. I froze in that position, lying on the pebbles with my nose up in the air and my eyes locked into his.

Only years later I understood what was happening at that moment, only after a couple of months later I found out who was hiding in the treeline, to whom those eyes belonged.

At that moment, though, my brain just shut down and there was nothing I could think of. I was scared but at the same time excited. After two months I finally felt something, and even if it were not positive emotions at least they were some kind of emotions.

I slowly got up on my feet, trying to be as subtle as possible so to not instigate the wolf t – or horse, better – to attack me. Our eyes were still onto each other's, my gaze never leaving his and there was something in him that tangled me.

The rain started pouring down again the moment I decided to take a step forward towards him. At the same moment, he seemed to be scared of me and took a step back, his head tilted to one side, his eyes digging into mine trying to figure everything out.

There was some sort of connection happening between me and that wolf, which fur reminded me of the colour of the sand, or more precisely of the colour of the light in the late afternoon in Alsace. And I would have never imagined what that moment meant for my future, not really far as I imagined it was.

We stayed like that, frozen in time and space, under the rain, looking at each other until we realized, or at least he realized – I would have realized a lot later, I had all the hints in front of my eyes and still didn’t have a clue. No words were spoken, not a single one, the only sounds were the thunders and the rain falling from the sky, and our heartbeats – his way faster than mine.

----

“Still daydreaming, darling?” His sweet voice wakes me up and I shake my head smiling when he puts his warm hand on my shoulder. I don’t think I will ever get used to his warmth, every time he touches me I sweetly shiver.

“Mh… yes”. I whisper, more to myself than to him, absolutely sure that he can still hear me clearly.

He hugs me from behind, trying to find the exact spot I’m still looking at outside our window.

“What is it? A deer? Again?” he whispers to my ear, leaving soft kisses on the side of my neck.

I intertwine his fingers with mine and tilt the head a little, so he has more space to kiss me.

“No, no deer at all, baby”, I reply, closing my eyes and enjoying the overwhelming sensation his kisses and hugs were making me feel. He holds me closer and I can’t help to smile more, thinking about everything that happened since the moment we met.

“It’s raining, exactly like that day”. I turn my head to look at him, at those same eyes that turned me upside down on that pouring day years ago.

Those same eyes that haunted me in my sleep until I found out to whom they belonged: to a sweet, gentle man, with arms and legs covered in tattoos, with hairs longer than mine who I fell in love with instantly and married one night on a beach without telling anyone else. A wonderful man I'm lucky enough to call my husband, the love of my life.

𝐒𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞

"You’re really sweet, water boy.”

pairing: percy jackson x child of hecate!reader

words: 5,379

warnings: angsty, mentions of breaking down, one curse word

timeline: post sea of monsters

if you want to be tagged every time I update this story click here

a/n: hi hi! I hope you guys like this chapter. If you have any feedback let me know. i've read this chapter over like 1,000 times while editing so i can't even give my own opinion on this chapter lol. i hope someone likes it at least cause i'm a little iffy about this one.

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality!”

The singing voices of the Apollo cabin harmonize as Atticus stands in the middle of their cabin, eyes closed with his arms swaying side to side in the air. You sit against the window frame at the end of the room, your lips curl in a soft smile as Harvey prances around his feet, enjoying the spotlight as much as Atticus is. You were glad that Atticus was still up for karaoke night despite his mood. Although you didn’t plan on coming yourself, you had hoped that he would as he needed it as an outlet to let loose. A part of you wasn’t surprised when Atticus was begging you to come with him, insisting that your plan of staying in and sleeping early was too lame for a Friday night at camp. You didn't want to make him upset so you decided to suck it up and go with him. Besides, you did need to get out.

The past few days, you’ve had your nose in books, drowning out your thoughts with everything from studying demonology to enjoying fantasy novels. You’ve been keeping an eye on Lou Ellen as well, noticing that she too was avoiding her feelings by drowning herself with books back to back. And now, as a result of your similar coping mechanism, you two have an exclusive book club where you spend hours reading and mercilessly criticizing Twilight. Meanwhile, Atticus has been up and around, constantly surrounding himself with people to distract him. He seemingly was doing fine on the surface, but it was a facade. Sorrow was radiating off of him like never before. Even if you didn’t have the ability to sense his emotions, his song choice for tonight was a dead giveaway. Bohemian Rhapsody is his comfort song.

“I’m just a poor boy. I need no sympathy!” Atticus sings passionately into the microphone. Cheers break throughout the cabin, and you giggle, joining in, cupping your mouth as you whoop for him. You look over at Lou Ellen, talking and laughing with a few girls across the room. You smile, content that for right now, the two of them are occupied and happy. You, however, couldn’t get into the mood. Sure, the chaos of the Apollo Cabin easily entertained you, but you were having trouble shaking off the heavy feeling in your chest. You frown, your hand coming down to pet the top of Ambrose’s head, the other nuzzling his snout against your leg to comfort you. You look down at him, smiling softly as a silent thank you, and you sigh, hoping to lighten the feeling in your chest, but to no avail, it remained.

A nudge on your shoulder draws in your attention, and you turn to face the boys standing to your left. You meet Lee Fletcher’s bright blue orbs, a smile plastered on his flushed face.

“You’re next!” He shouts over the music, pointing his index finger at you in the same hand he held a red solo cup in. You scrunch your face, moving a little closer to him and the group so they’ll be able to hear you.

“I’m not really in the performance mood tonight,” you say, and the immediate protests from the boys around him made you smile. They insisted that you had to sing tonight and that they were going to make sure you went after your brother. On any other night, you would have agreed, gladly taking the mic. You weren’t a stranger to singing karaoke, and you had to admit you did enjoy it just as much as Atticus did. Last week, you sang an interesting rendition of Wannabe by the Spice Girls with Lou Ellen, Silena, Katie, and Sage. You were Scary Spice, of course; you wouldn’t have been anyone else. But tonight, you were unable to see yourself singing. Now that the boys returned to whatever they were talking about, you were planning your escape. You tune back into the song, realizing that Atticus was almost finished.

“Nothing really matters; anyone can see. Nothing really matters. Nothing really matters, to mee.”

You take a deep breath for a moment, accepting your fate. It’s only one song, you tell yourself; it’ll be quick. You cringe, expecting to be pushed up to the front by the others any second now. Suddenly, chanting fills the cabin,

“Encore, encore!"

Atticus smiles, bowing like a Broadway actor as the crowd cheers. You sigh, relieved, and you hoped whatever he picked would be able to conceal your exit. There was no way Atticus was going to pass up the microphone, and over the chanting, he announced his next song choice: Dancing Queen.

He’s so depressed.

You didn’t want to miss your opportunity, slowly scooting yourself away from Lee Fletcher and the others. As the instrumental of Dancing Queen fills the cabin, a chunk of people get up from the bunk beds and the floor to dance and sing along. You take your chance now that everyone is distracted, and you walk into the crowd, carefully weaving through bodies.

The cool summer night air was refreshing on your skin compared to the stuffiness of the crowded cabin. The collective singing of Dancing Queen becomes faint as you make it across the camp. You didn't realize how loud the song was while you were in there, and you could just imagine what the other cabins were doing. You couldn’t help but smile at the idea of an annoyed Ares' cabin, all of them with pillows covering their ears in an attempt to drown out the music and screaming.

By the time you reached the beginning of the woods, the disco instrumental was long gone, and you took in the stillness of the night. There was barely a breeze tonight; the only sounds were the faint chattering of campers hanging around the hearth and taking walks. You stare into the forest, uncertain if you should venture by yourself. You hear a soft whine come from Ambrose, signaling you that it was a bad idea. It was a couple of hours away from curfew, and you can already hear the faint roars of monsters. That wasn’t enough to turn you away, though. Your desire to be somewhere silent was more prominent than your fear of the monsters.

You walk in without another thought, your pace slow and slack, and Ambrose unwillingly follows close behind you, checking around to make sure you are safe. As you walk farther in the forest, the thoughts you had sent to the back of your mind were returning with a vengeance.

The departure of your siblings felt surreal. When you had woken up to their empty beds the next day, you had chosen to believe they had left for breakfast earlier than usual and that everything that happened was a dream. Yet, as the days went by, the absence of your siblings became more apparent. A part of you refused to grieve. You had wanted to declare your brothers as monsters and convince yourself that you didn’t care. You had hoped that deciding to hate them would allow you to move on, but even that came with a desolate aftertaste.

You had blacked out in your thoughts, allowing your feet to take you where they wished, and you find yourself at a familiar boulder. You look to your left at the picnic table, staring longingly at it. It was quiet for a moment before the sight of your brother and sisters sitting on the top of the picnic table, their feet resting on the bench, appeared. They sat quietly, Atticus frowning as he looked out in the forest.

“Focus on your breathing. You won’t shift if you’re impatient.” Your gaze snaps in the direction of the voice. You saw yourself slouched in defeat as Alabaster’s hands gripped your shoulders. His green eyes peered into yours.

You were the only one that hadn’t become ethereal after trying for the past 30 minutes. Atticus had transformed on his second try, Lou Ellen on her third, and the others followed close after. But you had lost count, growing more tired and discouraged after every failed attempt. Alabaster noticed you were on the verge of tears, your lip trembling, and he easily saw that you were crawling into a bad headspace.

“I can’t do it,” you sniffled, feeling embarrassed as your siblings waited for you. You were aware they weren’t judging you and had instead been encouraging you the entire time, but you still felt ashamed. The voices in your mind taunted you, making you forget any positive feedback you received that day. You were the weakest link of the group. You were never going to be powerful as your brothers, and so you’ll never be recognized by your mother, it said.

“You can, Y/n. You’re getting too in your head,” Al reassured you, his hands falling to his side, taking a step back. You were confident that he had given up on you, and you didn’t blame him. You looked down at the ground and fiddled with your fingers. It was silent for a moment before you heard him sigh.

“Try again,” he said softly.

You groaned and rolled your eyes at yourself. You were drained from trying so long, and you were ready to accept your defeat and stomp away. You looked at Alabaster again as he patiently waited for you.

You swallowed hard, and you closed your eyes as you heard the encouraging words of your siblings. Their words failed to cancel out the negative thoughts in your own head, though. You were already bothered by the little voice that said you would never transform. You dwelled on being the last one and what made you feel worse was that it was nighttime - when your magic is at its strongest - yet you still hadn’t transformed. Maybe you weren’t as powerful as your brothers gave you credit for. Disappointment swirled in your stomach, clouding your brain, and your fist clenched as you tried to shake off the thoughts in your head. You were well aware that your mindset was holding you back. You inhaled deeply, somehow finding the will to set aside your negative thoughts.

You decided you won’t allow yourself to be the only person who couldn’t transform. You weren’t going to let your insecurity of being the “weakest link” get to you, at least not on that night. You huffed out and felt a tug in your core before your fingertips and toes began to vibrate. You gasped, and your eyebrows furrowed tightly, the vibrating sensation gradually becoming more intense to the point where it almost hurt.

You heard an excited cheer come from one of your sister's lips as the feeling crept up your arms and legs. It finally met your core, and it was as if a ball of warm, electric energy sat right in the pit of your stomach. You opened your eyes, immediately seeing the bright smile on Alabaster’s face. A relieved laugh came from your lips as a few tears ran down your face from your previously pent-up anger.

“I told you.”

You snap back to reality, looking around you to see that you were still alone. No one was at the picnic table other than Ambrose, who was laid down at the foot of it, watching you cautiously. You swore you heard the sound of Al’s voice as if he was right in front of you, but that wasn’t possible. As much as you wished for it to be, you knew your siblings were long gone.

Though you were incredibly grateful for Atticus and Lou Ellen deciding to stay, the dynamic that your siblings had as a whole was something that you wouldn’t be able to get back. Now it was the three of you, left to figure things out on your own. It’s not as if you three were incapable of figuring things out, but you’ll miss your brother's guidance.

You think perhaps if your mother didn’t give them the okay to leave, they would have never left. You couldn’t help but be mad at her, and lately, you’ve been a little petty towards your mom. Tonight, you had decided to go to dinner and dedicate your burned offering to Hestia instead. You’ve been praying to her every night as well, hoping that maybe she’d be able to bring your siblings back to you.

You hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary to inform you if your mother was aware of your silence or if she cared. You also found yourself wondering what she thought of you for not leaving. How could she not visit you? Were you really not worth, maybe, five minutes of her time? Did you have to prove yourself worthy? If so, how? You were yearning to know, but even for that, you were unable to find the answer.

Your jaw clenches, feeling your sorrow shifting to rage in your core. Take a deep breath, Ernest would say, and you do, filling your lungs to their capacity, and you hold it. Think of your surroundings. Meditate on the question: If I erupt, will I hurt someone? If the answer is yes, take a step back, breath in for 10 seconds, out for another 10 until you’re calm. If the answer is no… well, fuck it. Everyone needs to be angry sometimes.

Your head tilts slightly, taking in the clear night sky for a moment. From your peripheral vision, you can see your green aura wildly swirling and flickering around you. You close your eyes, and your chest expands, ready to release the air you’ve been holding. There was no rustling of the trees or grass, no monster screams, no sounds of the surrounding camper. The forest was still until it wasn’t as you let out a deafening scream.

After hearing the news of your siblings running away from camp at the counselor's meeting a few days ago, Percy had made a mental note to check up on you. In the time between his activities, he had checked the strawberry fields, the arts and craft center, even the arena in an attempt to find you. For a moment, he had thought you had left with them, but when he saw that Atticus was still at camp, he knew you had to be somewhere. It wasn’t until he passed by the Hermes dinner table the other day did he decide to ask your brother where you were. By then, you had not shown up for your meals for two days straight. Atticus told him that you weren’t doing too good, deciding to isolate yourself in the company of Lou Ellen. He had offered to let Percy come with him to drop off your dinner, but he had decided not to go.

He figured that you needed time for yourself, and he didn’t want to intrude. He was also worried if it would have been weird to check up on you. Surely, you were friends? You considered him as a friend, right? He hoped so since he had considered you one. He thought maybe he was overthinking it but then he began to worry that you would blame him. He had to do some mental gymnastics to come up with a reason why you would be mad at him, but he was able to come up with something. He would understand if you were mad at him since he is, well, suspected to be the child of the prophecy. So obviously, none of this would have happened if he wasn’t born? Right? He had told Annabeth about it, and from the way she blankly stared at him, he knew that the reason wasn’t solid, but still, he was nervous.

He was surprised to see you walk out of the Apollo Cabin. After hearing that you were hiding away, he didn’t expect you to attend one of the most lively events tonight. From afar, you seemed upset, but you also glinted with determination as you walked with purpose. He was seated with Annabeth, Grover, and Thalia by the campfire, listening to Annabeth ramble about the architecture of the Palace of Versailles to Thalia and Grover. It was her newest hyper fixation, and Percy had been listening though he got a little lost at some point. He didn’t want to lose his chance to approach you, not sure when the next opportunity would be so he quickly finished up the s’more he was eating before getting up from the bench.

“Um, I’ll be back,” he says. The only person who had heard him was Grover, who nodded to acknowledge him while Annabeth didn’t miss a beat in her ranting.

He checked in the usual places you would hang out in, but you were nowhere to be found. He found himself walking along the gravel road in front of the forest. He slows down, turning toward the trees and he hums,

“Did she go in there by herself?” He mutters softly, becoming concerned. It was kind of an unspoken rule that campers shouldn’t venture out on their own.

He looks over when he hears chattering, the wood nymphs slowly making their way out of the forest. They seemed to be gossiping about something as they huddle in a circle right outside of the trees. Percy found it strange that they were away from their homes, especially at this time, and he noticed they all looked a little stunned.

“Hey,” he smiles as he walks over to them. He halts hesitantly, the girls becoming quiet as they turn to him. “Have you guys seen, y/n?”

They exchange looks with each other, Juniper shifting on her feet as she stands in front of him. “Yeah…” she trails off, facing the dark trees. “Just keep walking. You’ll hear her.”

Percy furrows his eyebrows, unsure what they meant by that, but he takes their advice anyway. It didn’t take him long to find out what they meant, hearing your yelling before he saw you illuminating in the dark. He had imagined that you would be upset, but he definitely did not expect you to be yelling at the sky, rapidly throwing blasts of energy at a boulder.

Seeing you like this was odd. It was so different from the calm and collected demeanor that you gave off. He had considered you as the quieter twin. Compared to your brother, you weren’t as out there. He hadn’t seen you have many interactions with Atticus, but he could tell that you took on the big sister role. You just seemed more mature.

“How could you- how could you offer something like that?! I’ve never seen you once an- the first message I get from you is to join his stupid army! You took them from us!” You ignore the burning in your throat and the trembling of your arms. You felt lightheaded, and you didn’t know if it was due to how hard you were yelling or the amount of energy you were burning out. “I HOPE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” You shout weakly, looking up at the sky, hoping that your mother was listening to you. You wanted her to know how you felt betrayed, angry, and heartbroken.

Despite your anger, you still held back on what you said. You were wary not to push too far, preferring to not meet your mother's wrath the first time she visited you. You wanted an explanation; you wanted to hear the orders and the promises she made from herself. But you doubted she would appear.

Hot tears roll down your cheeks, your breath ragged, and you wail, blasting the last long beam you were able to muster at the boulder. You stumble from your own force, a sob leaving your lips, and your forearm wipes your tears.

“I really hope you know what you’re doing,” you strain in a whisper.

You gasp as you hear a twig snap behind you. You freeze in your spot, your heart beating hard in your chest. You were confident that you had summoned your mother. You took a deep breath, ready to face her, but to your surprise, you were met with Percy.

Percy's body tenses the moment you snap your gaze to him, swallowing hard as your glowing eyes bore right into his. He was hoping that his speculations of you being mad at him were wrong. The burning smell from your beams filled the air, and he definitely did not want to be charred up like that boulder. To his relief, he watches your clouded expression soften. He shifts, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Are you okay?” He asks, immediately cringing at himself afterward. Of course, she isn’t okay, why would you ask her that?

You sniffle, and you nod, “Yeah, I’m just doing my nightly prayers.” Though you tried to lighten up the mood, your voice was sad and hoarse.

Percy frowns, and he steps over a log in his way. He walks over to you as you plop down to sit on the grass with your legs crossed. Ambrose comes to your side, resting his head on your thigh, and you pet him softly.

“I heard what happened,” Percy’s tone is soft as he hesitantly invites himself to sit beside you. He wasn’t sure you wanted to be comforted right now, but you didn’t tell him to go away, so he took that as a good sign. He hums, looking down at his hands, “Travis reported it during the counselor meeting the day after,” he mentions. “Atticus told me you weren’t doing too well. I can’t do much, but if you want to talk about it, I’m listening.”

You didn’t want to dump everything on Percy, but the genuine concern in his tone made you feel comfortable enough to consider laying all your thoughts out on the table.

You haven't had the chance to discuss your feelings yet. There was a silent understanding between you, Atticus, and Lou Ellen that none of you were ready to bring it up and would rather go along your days pretending it didn’t happen. But as you continued to avoid it, it began to fester like an infected wound.

You were so lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realize for how long you were quiet. In your silence, Percy waited patiently, not wanting you to feel pressured. Every once in a while, he would look over, noticing the flickering of your aura slowing down until it’s absorbed into your body, leaving you both with the soft white light coming from Ambrose’s body. If you decided not to talk about it, he told himself he wouldn’t pry, but he would be worried about you for keeping everything in.

You didn’t know how much Travis had said at the counselors meeting. Your mind was rushing with thoughts, asking yourself where you should start while also deciding if you should be completely honest with him. It wasn’t until now that you were faced with all the conflicting feelings you’ve had in the past few days. They came at you all at once, and a sniffle cuts through your silence. You sigh shakily, resting your head on Percy’s shoulder.

Percy looks down at you, able to make out some of your features in the dark. Your eyelids were a little puffy from crying, and you look exhausted. He frowns as a small sob leaves your lips, shifting to wrap his arm around your shoulders. He debated if he should say anything to you. He didn't find that this was a situation where an “it’s okay” was appropriate. Kronos was rising, war was on its way, and Luke was recruiting campers, 5 of those campers being your siblings. None of that was okay. He felt a pang in his chest, grasping on to the fact that you’d be fighting against them when it was time for battle.

“I’m sorry,” your voice quivers. You hated feeling as if you were losing control of your emotions. You didn’t want Percy seeing you like this, and you began to feel embarrassed.

“Don’t be sorry,” he shakes his head, and he opens his mouth to say something else but is too stunned when you pull away abruptly. Your gaze is fixed in the opposite direction as you try to catch your breath, hiccuping and gasping softly for a bit. “Y/n?”

“I almost left, and I feel guilty because a part of me regrets not leaving,” you blurted out the confession that was eating you up the most. It was what you were afraid to admit out loud, especially to Atticus and Lou Ellen. You didn’t want to admit that you, the one who found the courage to voice your opinion to your brothers, the one that declared she was staying at the camp, had begun to regret her decision. As much as you wished to not regret it, the what-if questions that filled your mind were hard to avoid. Were you actually missing out on the opportunity to be taught by your mother? Was it true what James said? Was deciding to stay a death wish?

You refused to look at Percy. You were wondering if he thought he was talking to a potential traitor to the camp. You were wondering if he would think of you differently now that you have confessed to having the slightest thought of joining Kronos.

Percy was lost for words, his face flashed with surprise, and he was glad you weren’t looking at him. He didn’t want you to think that he was judging you because he wasn’t; he was just taken aback. The tension between you started to thicken the longer he stayed quiet. His eyes scan the ground, frantically searching for something to say.

“Why did you stay?” He asks hesitantly.

Your teeth chew on the inside of your lip, and you now regret saying anything. You didn’t know if the shift in the air around the two of you was in your head, but either way, it bothered you.

“Because…” you trail off. The list of reasons why you stayed was long, and you didn’t want to go through all of them. You were determined to keep this conversation short, afraid that if you keep dwelling on this situation for too long, you will find more reasons to be angry.

“Because I’m not going to die for a cause I don’t believe in,” you declare. “I understand their side. I understand why they decided to leave. Alabaster was always saying that he wished things were different for us here at camp. I mean, so do I. They also had the approval of our mother, and they were promised to be taken care of if Kr- the Titan Lord wins. I can’t blame them for not giving that up because even I was hesitant to give it up,” you confess.

You sniffle softly, peeling the skin around your fingers before continuing, “But… for the change they're looking for, I don’t think this is the way to do it. Like really? Allying with him? Yeah, the gods are big jerks, but I don’t understand how he would be any different of a leader.” You sigh, “I considered leaving just to be with them, but I couldn’t go through with it. I wouldn’t feel right. I tried to convince them to stay, but they were set on leaving.”

Percy was quiet for a moment, and you found the courage to look up at him. His vision is fixed on the forest ahead before he meets your gaze. “I don’t think you should blame yourself for regretting not going. I think if I were in your position, I would have thought about the same things. They mean a lot to you. They’re your family.”

You nod, relieved that he understood where you were coming from. “Atticus was my last straw. If he had decided to leave, I would have left despite everything.”

“Understandable. He’s your twin,” Percy shrugs. You sigh shakily, your chest feeling a little lighter after being able to voice your thoughts. You felt more satisfied with yourself now. Your challenged morals felt solidified, and you decided with confidence that your choice was right for you.

“I give you a lot of props, Y/n. You were in a tough situation, and it must have been hard to stand your ground, especially since most of them decided to leave.”

“Yeah…” you say softly, and you realize that maybe you should have been kinder to yourself for having that feeling of regret.

“I think it’s really awesome what you did. Doing something like that takes a lot of guts,” Percy says, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

“Thanks…” you say shyly.

A soft smile plays on his lips, and he can tell you were starting to feel better. He was glad that he could help because he understood what you were feeling. He didn’t exactly go through the same thing, but he knew how it felt to second guess your choices and how it was easy to spiral when you dwelled on it for too long.

“You’re really sweet, waterboy. Thanks a lot," you say playfully as you return the smile. Your heart flutters as Percy’s face brightens before sheepishly looking away from you for a second.

He didn’t get compliments like that often. Well, he has, from his mom, but he didn’t count that. It wasn’t the same as getting the compliment from a girl, a girl as pretty as you are.

“I-it was nothing,” he moves his hand in a dismissive wave, and you giggle. “Well… I don’t know if you were done with your ‘prayer,’ but I think you should go back to the party in the Apollo Cabin. I’ll come with you. It sounded like a lot of fun in there."

"Ugh, but they’re going to make me sing,” you slouch, and Percy laughs at the slight pout on your face.

“I’ll sing with you,” he says, and you furrow your eyebrows, surprised at his offer. You’ve only seen him at karaoke a few times, and he always stayed on the sidelines.

“You can sing?” You ask, amused. Percy definitely didn’t seem like the musical type.

“Nope, I’m pretty much tone-deaf, but I’ll embarrass myself for you since you had a rough day," he nudges you softly before standing up. You look up at him as he pats down his pants, and you lean back on your hands.

“I’m gonna pick a ballad so you can embarrass yourself even more," you smirk at him, and he stops patting his clothes, squinting at you.

“Don’t make me take it all back,” he jokes. He reaches his hand out to you, and you grab it, letting him help you up from the ground.

“You know, I’d kill to hear you sing a Britney Spears song," you mention as you pat your own clothes down and begin to walk out of the forest, Ambrose acting as your guide by trotting ahead of you.

Percy is quiet for a moment, and you glance over, positive that he's starting to regret his offer to sing with you.

"Please don’t do that to me.”

You laugh at him; the thought of Percy singing a Britney Spears song was way too funny to you. Percy gave you a cautious look, not sure if you were serious or not. “Fine, fine! I shouldn’t take advantage of your kindness,” you admit as your laugh ceases. Percy nods, playfully agreeing with you. “You listen to My Chemical Romance?” You ask, and he scoffs,

“Of course, I listen to My Chemical Romance.”

“Let’s sing Teenagers then,” you suggest. “It’s a crowd favorite. Everyone sings along, so no one has to suffer through your singing. What do you think?” you tease, and you take in his bright smile as he nods his head,

“Sounds good to me.”

masterlist taglist: @nct127bee @xxyrr @mochabreezeee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr

and then the world stopped (1/2)

Summary: Vic wasn’t unhappy when she moved with her husband to Washington D.C. She was happily married, had a new job as a teacher and was trying to get pregnant. But after a year of trying still nothing has happened. She didn’t know that just one accident of the nanny of one of the children in her class was about to change her whole life.

Pairing: Dave York x OFC

Wordcount: 4.4k+

Warnings:fluff, smut (shower sex, fingering), Infidelity, mentions of physical abuse

A/N: Okay I have no idea what’s going on with me but the words are flowing. I decided to cut this into two parts. Part 2 is coming next week :) Big thanks @yespolkadotkitty​ for being my beta on this. I guess I really am in the pit now :D

Taglist in reblog (join my taglist here or drop me a message)

Masterlist

Victoria didn’t even know why she bothered taking the test. She was only three days late and she knew it would be negative. She had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year now. She was healthy, her husband was healthy, but somehow, it just didn’t work out. 

When the test she took confirmed that she indeed wasn’t pregnant she just sighed and put it in the trash, then slicked on some eyeliner. 

Her husband, Phil, was standing at the kitchen counter, his phone in his hand, his cup of coffee next to him. He looked up when Victoria entered the room, hopeful. She just shook her head, grabbing her purse. She wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible.

When Vic moved from New York City to Washington D.C. she had plans. She had just married the man she thought she loved and they were happy. She had gotten a new position at the elementary school close to where their new house was, while Phil had the job he had always dreamed of. They were happy. 

For a good year.

Children were always on their wish list. So even though they both just started their new jobs, Victoria got off birth control, and oh, did they try. But the longer nothing happened, the more frustrated both became. She could handle her frustrations by going to the gym. Phil on the other hand… It must have been the fifth negative pregnancy test when his hand slipped the first time. Victoria had been so shocked she had just left the house, not knowing how to process what just happened.

This wasn’t the man she wanted to spend her whole life with. Somewhere that man got lost and she wasn’t sure if he was still inside of there, or if she could find it in herself to forgive him.

The bruises on her skin faded, but not the ones on her soul. She threw herself into her work, treating the sex they still had like a chore to maybe get what she wanted. It didn’t feel like before, there was no passion. At some point, she asked herself what would happen, if she would end up pregnant? She couldn’t bring a child into this mess of a marriage. 

Thankfully she didn’t have to make that decision because Phil had to travel more and more for work. The last time they had sex was 6 weeks ago and she clearly wasn’t pregnant. He would leave again today, and this time, she didn’t bother to ask for how long. 

Maybe it was time to end things. But a part of her missed the man she had fallen in love with. The man who might be hiding somewhere deep inside of the corpse of a man she was married to now.

“Hi Miss Vicky,” she shook her head to clear her thoughts, a smile coming to her face as she spotted Alice.

“Hi Alice. How are you?” She asked, seeing the girl’s eyes shine enthusiastically.

“Dad tried to make pancakes.”

“And they were good?” Victoria saw her shake her head with a sour expression and tried not to laugh. She didn’t know much about her father, only that his wife died. She only ever met the nanny.

“But he’s the best at making sandwiches.” Alice grinned and Vic chuckled.

“Then maybe your Dad should stick to sandwiches.” Vic winked. 

Vic didn’t mind when parents were running late picking up their kids after school. Though most times it was a couple of minutes, 15 max. But when the clock was running towards 45 minutes after the bell rang and her colleague brought Molly, Alice’s sister to her class, because she couldn’t stay any longer, Vic grew a little worried. The nanny, Sarah, had never been late. She was one of the few people who were always waiting outside. Watching Alice and Molly draw, she dialed the three numbers that were listed as the emergency contacts. The first one was Sarah, the nanny. The call went straight to voicemail again, but she left another message. 

The second one was the cell of their Dad. David York. It went straight to voicemail, too. Sighing she dialed the third number, that didn’t even connect.

The next thing she would have to do was to call either child services or the police but as she watched the girls drawing and playing together, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

When another 45 minutes passed she asked the girls if they knew anyone else they could call.

“Just Dad or Sarah. There’s no one else,” Alice shrugged before she got back to drawing her picture. 

“Hm… What do you think about going to my place to wait until someone calls? I bet you are getting hungry, huh?” Vic asked before she couldn’t think more about it. She sent a little prayer that their father was only held up at work. 

“Can we make pancakes?” Alice asked excitedly and Vic chuckled. 

“Breakfast for dinner? I like the way you think.”

She called both contacts again, saying that she hoped it was okay not to call the police and that she would take the girls both home with her. She gave her address and then went out. Hoping that she was doing the right thing.

“Miss Vicky?” Molly was sitting on the kitchen counter. They had been at Vic’s house for a good two hours now and the pancakes were almost finished.

“Yes Miss Molly?” She asked with a small smile, making Molly giggle as Alice insisted on setting the table. 

“Where is our Dad?” She asked. Vic flipped the last pancake and overplayed her concern at their Dad’s disappearance before she smiled. “I bet he’s only stuck at work. He’ll be here before you know it.” She tapped on Molly’s nose, making her giggle.

“Maybe you can show him how to make pancakes, Miss Vicky. They are soooooo good.” Alice hummed and Vic turned her head, suppressing her grin at the girl stealing a piece of the plate full of pancakes on the table.

“I bet your Dad knows to make other stuff instead,” she winked.

“Yes! He makes the best blanket forts.” Molly clapped her hands in excitement.

“Does he?” Vic asked.

“One time, when Mum was just gone, Dad made the whole living room a blanket fort. It was the best thing EVER!” Alice giggled. Vic was about to answer when she heard her phone ring. She turned off the stove, setting Molly down on the floor before she went over to grab her phone, sighing relieved when she noticed it was Mr. York calling. 

“Mr. York.” Vic said relieved, taking the call.

“I’m so sorry. I just got off the plane. Sarah had an accident and is in the hospital.” Vic ignored how deep and velvety his voice was.

“Oh no worries. Is Sarah okay?” Vic asked.

“Just a broken leg. She has to have surgery, though. Again, I’m so sorry. I’m on my way now. Thanks for taking care of my girls.” She could hear his relieved sigh.

“Oh, they’re just precious. We are actually about to have pancakes for dinner and their homework is done too,” Vic smiled. She heard a chuckle on the other end of the line and found herself smiling at her phone.

“Pancakes… They really love their pancakes.”

“They do,” Vic walked over to where the girls were waiting patiently for her.

“It’ll probably take me another hour to get to your side of town.”

“That’s no problem. It’s Saturday tomorrow, I have nothing planned.”

“You’re an angel,” she heard Mr. York say. Her heart fluttered.

“I really am not. See you in an hour, Mr. York,” she smiled.

“Thank you.” He said again before he ended the call. Alice and Molly looked at her as she set her phone down.

“Your Dad will be here in an hour. How about we save him one of the pancakes?” Vic asked.

Elsa was just about to sing “Let it Go” when the doorbell rang. Vic had seen the headlights of a car outside the kitchen window only moments before. Molly and Alice were sitting to either side of her, cuddled against her. It felt natural; like they had been doing this for years. Shaking her head, she untangled herself from the girls who were so invested in the movie, they didn’t even notice that there was someone at the door. 

Slowly Vic walked over, looking at herself in the mirror next to the door, to check her appearance before she opened the door.

Vic wasn’t a big fan of romcoms. She never believed life could throw you just this one person in your life, that made the whole world stop when they look at you. She didn’t have this ever before. Yet when she looked up into the warm brown eyes of David York, it was just like that. 

The world stopped and she didn’t know for how long. He looked tired, yet a relieved small smile graced his lips. His hair looked like he had run his hand repeatedly through it, probably in frustration, and she wondered if it would feel as soft as it looked.

“It took a bit longer,” he said before he held up a sunflower. “I would have gotten something bigger, but that was all they had at the gas station,” he said hesitantly. Vic was so awestruck by the handsome man standing in front of her that she had to shake her head a little before she chuckled.

“You didn’t have to. They were little angels.” She took the sunflower, daring herself not to smell it as she stepped to the side to welcome him in.

“Yeah? They can be little devils, let me assure you,” he said, watching her closely. She closed the door, suddenly very aware of the weight of the ring on her finger. Sucking her bottom lip in she turned back around to find him standing in her hallway.

“I’m just glad nothing happened to you, Mr. York,” she nodded towards the living room and he followed her.

“Please, call me Dave,” he winked and she only nodded, ignoring the shiver that went over her body when he smiled at her.

The girls really wanted to finish watching the movie. Vic didn’t mind but she could see that Dave wasn’t happy about it.

“It’s okay. Really. I actually love Frozen. I can understand if you want to go home, but don’t think you have to leave right away on my account,” Vic said.

“You sure? Your husband won’t mind?” Dave asked, looking at her from the side he was standing. It had been a long fucking day. Well, two days. The job should have been easy, but he should have known better. And of course, his nanny had to break her leg today. Not that he was mad. It had just been shit timing. But standing in his daughter's teacher's home, watching said teacher bend over to load the dishwasher, might be the peak of his day. It was a pretty little house she was living in and he made the mental note to find out more about her. And her husband. 

She was absolutely beautiful. Her dark hair in a loose braid over her left shoulder. She was wearing a soft white sweater dress that went just above her knees. She wasn’t wearing any makeup. He found himself asking how on earth he had never seen her before? Then again, he hadn’t been around to pick the girls up from school lately. 

The only thing that he didn’t like about Victoria Stone was the ring that marked her as clearly taken. Dave did like a challenge, but making his daughter’s teacher cheat on her husband wasn’t on his agenda. 

Yet.

“The girls left you one pancake.” 

“Really?” He asked, surprised sitting down at the table. She nodded with a small smile. 

“They also told me about you trying to make some last weekend. They really are not that hard to make.” She pushed the plate towards him. There was one pancake with a whipped cream smiley face on top of it, making him smile a little. 

“They decorated it,” she explained. He looked up, finding her green eyes already looking at him. Fuck he liked her. And he had only met her twenty minutes ago.

She felt the shift in the air as he looked at her. His eyes, fixating her like he had some kind of spell over her. She swallowed, feeling nervous.

“You mind if I grab some wine?” She whispered. He shook his head.

“Please. It’s your weekend too,” he whispered back.

“Okay, girls. The movie is over. You’ve been annoying your teacher for long enough today,” Dave called out. Alice and Molly ran over to him and into his arms and Vic’s heart just melted. This, this was what she wanted. A loving husband. Dave didn’t seem like he would blame her for not getting pregnant. Then again he probably wouldn’t have any problems getting her pregnant. 

Her eyes shifted over his broad back as he helped his daughters with their shoes. Fuck, she shouldn’t be looking at him like that.

God damn it you’re married, Vic.

“So even though I sound like a broken record, you saved my ass today.”

“DAD!” Alice shouted, making Dave wince.

“Swear jar. I know.” He groaned. Vic chuckled.

“Seems like we’re gonna see each other a lot more in the coming weeks,” Dave continued, as he stepped out of the house, Molly on his arm who fought against falling asleep. Alice was already climbing into the car.

“Huh?” Vic asked.

“With Sarah out, I have to pick the girls up.”

“Oh. Sure. Yeah. Well then, see you next week?” She asked.

“I look forward to it.” He winked at her before he turned and walked to his car. She looked after him, before she closed the door behind her, her back against it.

“You are in so much trouble, Vic,” she groaned to herself.

Vic wasn’t a newbie at covering up bruises. At the beginning of their marriage, she didn’t mind the hickey and bruises, mostly because they were somewhere where only she and Phil knew of their existence and they existed out of passionate moments in the first place. But looking at herself, the imprint of his hand on her upper arm clear as day from when he had dragged her to the bedroom last night, all she felt was shame. 

He had locked her into the bedroom. When she woke up the next morning, he was gone. Shaking her head, she tried to get rid of the thoughts when the bell rang and the children packed their stuff together.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” Vic smiled. Alice grinned at her. It had now been almost two months since the day she took the York girls home. Their father, Dave, had been picking her up every single day since then. She found herself looking forward to seeing his face. The most disturbing thing for her was that she didn’t feel a single bit of guilt. Phil had been home less and less and she couldn’t even remember the last time he had looked at her the same way she saw Dave looking at her. She did notice the way he checked her out last week when she was wearing that summer dress she loved so much. Later that day, when she was home alone again because Phil was gone, it was Dave York’s hands she thought about as she touched herself.

David York didn’t seem like a man who smiled much, but every time she looked at him, his lips twitched into the ghost of a smile, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

“Penny for your thoughts, Miss Vicky,” he asked as he stepped into the classroom. Turning her head to look at him, she had to suppress the urge to bite her lip. He was wearing his dark suit pants, a crisp white dress shirt, the first three buttons undone. He looked good enough to eat.

“You don’t want to know what's going on up in there.” She pointed towards her head.

“Oh you’d be surprised.” he winked, and she blushed. When did she turn into a giggly school girl again?

“Ready for some Ice cream, Alice?” He asked and Alice nodded enthusiastically, making both Dave and Vic chuckle.

“You wanna join us?” Dave asked, his hand coming down on her upper arm and she flinched slightly. She didn’t think he noticed, but of course, he did.

“That’s nice, but no. My husband is supposed to be home tonight.” She said with a forced smile. She wanted to talk to him tonight. She couldn’t do this anymore. Not when she spent every living moment with another man on her mind.

“Well then. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Dave smiled. She only nodded, looking after them before she packed her stuff.

Dave was sitting at the ice cream place when he typed a message to one of his contacts, ordering a full background check on Victoria Stone’s husband. There was something off about the man, and the way she flinched away from him left questions he wanted answers for.

Phil didn’t come home that night. And frankly, Victoria was pissed. He didn’t call her back, and she’d come to a point where she didn’t care. That’s how she found herself in the late night at the gym on the treadmill, “Footloose” on her ears, powering herself out. The gym was relatively empty, only a few people were there. Who would want to go to a gym at 1 am anyway? She didn’t care who was watching as she began to dance along while trying not to trip on the treadmill. Out of breath, she grooved to the last notes of the song when she heard someone applauding behind her. 

Looking over her shoulder the inevitable happened and she did trip when she looked at Dave York behind her. Before she could fall, two strong arms wrapped around her, catching her, before her face met the ground. Looking up at him, his brows furrowed in concern, she was sure her heart stopped beating for a moment. He was just so close. All she had to do was lean in and her lips would be on his… Shaking her head to get rid of this though she let him help her up before she brought a little distance in between them. Trying to get fresh air into her lungs, his scent lingering in her nose like an aphrodisiac. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked, pulling her earbuds out, suddenly feeling too naked to be standing in front of him. She was wearing her workout clothes. Some very tight leggings and a blue sports bra. Dave didn’t hide the way his eyes lingered on her body.

“Working out? It’s the only gym that is open around the clock, and this is the only time someone can watch the girls at the moment.” He shrugged, his tongue daring out to wet his lips. His eyes lingered at her cleavage before he looked up into her eyes again. Victoria was glad that she did just work out, otherwise, he would have seen the blush on her cheeks. She tried her hardest to ignore the way his sweaty shirt was clinging to his chest.

“Didn’t take you for someone who likes to work out,” she teased, and this time she couldn’t hide herself biting her lip as she admired his strong arms.

“I hate it - but I have to.” he shrugged. “Need to work on my stamina.” Dave stepped closer, tilting her chin up, and there it was again, the feeling that the world around them stopped. He didn’t care for consequences as he looked down at her. She was smaller without her heels. And he wanted her.

“You wanna help me?” he looked down at her lips before his eyes flickered up to hers. She swallowed, her breath getting quicker. She couldn’t think when he was this close. But maybe it was time to not think for a moment. No matter the consequences. 

“Sure. How do you want me?” she whispered and he grinned, leaning down, his lips close to her ear.

“Wet and naked under the shower.”

The first time Dave kissed Vic would be burned into her memory. She imagined it to be hard and desperate but it was soft, his hands on the back of her neck as he brought her closer towards her. She gasped when her back met the cold shower wall, her hands wandering under Dave’s shirt, pushing it up until he took it off, letting it fall to the ground without a second thought.

Holding on to his back, as his lips wandered down her jaw, her neck, her throat she whimpered when she felt his hands cupping her boobs.

“Been dreaming about this for weeks…” he groaned, his fingers pulling down the elastic fabric of her sports bra. He kissed every part of skin that was revealed to him until his mouth closed around her nipple.

“Fuck…” Vic moaned, her hands in his hair. He blew on her hard nipple after sucking on it, making her shiver. She could probably come just from the way he was looking at her. Like she was the most precious thing in the world. Like he wanted to eat her alive. And she was ready to let him.

“Dave…” She whimpered and he came up to kiss her again. “I need you inside of me.” 

He smirked. 

“Take off your clothes.”

It shouldn’t have been a surprise to her that Dave York was someone who went commando. Without breaking eye contact, he slipped his pants down and Vic was sure the temperature in the shower went up. 

Pushing her sports bra over her head, her pants and panties down her legs, she and David just gazed at each other before she turned around with a little shy smile, stepping into the warm stream of the shower. Letting the water run down her body, she felt more relaxed than she had in a long time. Dave drank her in, her body wet, her hair clinging to her back. It was at this moment, that he decided to never let her go again. Stepping closer, he kissed her shoulder, his arms wrapping around her stomach as his cock twitched in contact with her hot wet skin. And then he surprised her again by grabbing the shampoo and washing her hair.

In a way, this was even more intimate than what was bound to happen. His strong hands  massaged her head before he guided her slowly under the hot stream of water, to wash her hair out. It was like a dream.

“Think you can keep quiet?” He asked, kissing her neck.

“Why? Do you want to make me scream your name?” she challenged and she felt him grin against her skin, as one of his hands, dropped lower, two fingers circling her clit.

“What do you think, sweetheart?” he asked with a predatory grin. He pushed his hand in between her legs, finding her slick and warm. When he pressed his two fingers inside her, she knew that there was no way she would be able to keep quiet. Letting her head fall back against his chest, she closed her eyes. She only hoped that these showers would be unoccupied for a little while longer.

“Keep going....” she whispered. His other hand came up to massage one of her boobs while his finger kept slowly fucking her.

“You gonna come for me like that?” he asked, sucking on the skin behind her ear. He added a third finger, feeling her hips move to meet his fingers.

“Yes…” She whimpered. He pinched her nipple before he brought his hand up to turn her head to kiss her hard, swallowing her moan as her orgasm washed over her. 

Fuck that felt good. She couldn’t remember the last time she came so hard. Out of breath she smiled against his lips, turning in his arms, bringing his fingers that had just been inside her to her mouth to suck on his fingers.

“Fuck me…” Dave groaned and she grinned wickedly.

“What about you fuck me?” Vic hummed, her hand reaching for his thick cock in between their bodies, slowly rubbing his length as she smirked up at him. His eyes were as dark as night as he looked down at her. Something seemed to snap inside of him as he pushed her against the cold tiles, his mouth on her. 

He grabbed both of her hands, bringing them up above her body, keeping them pressed against the wall with one hand, while he pulled one of her legs up with his other hand, hooking it around his hips.

“You’ll be the death of me,” he whispered as he lined himself up and filled her with one thrust, making her cry out. He waited only a moment before he started to move. Thrusting deep, while his lips left bruises all over her neck. She didn’t care, she would wear those with pride. He let go of her wrists only to pick her up, her legs now crossed behind him, as his thrusts became harder. She held onto him, one of her hands on his shoulder, her other hand in his hair. 

“D...Dave…” She moaned, pulling at his hair hearing him groan. He twitched inside her, and she did it again.

“Keep doing that…” he mumbled against her skin before his lips closed around her nipple.

She pulled at his hair, her fingers digging into her shoulder, as she felt her second orgasm fastly approaching.

“I’m close…” she moaned and he snapped his hips faster.

“Then cum for me, sweetheart,” he moaned, close himself.

Vic was glad for his strong arms around her as she cried out in pleasure, her orgasm making her whole body shake.

“Fuck... you’re so fucking perfect…” Dave groaned, his thrusts getting sloppier before she felt him spill deep inside of her. His lips searched for hers, kissing her deeply, as he held onto her.

Trying to breathe, he leaned with his forehead against his.

She couldn’t name the expression on his face as he looked at her. It seemed like he was trying to analyze her.

“We’re doing this again,” he breathed before he kissed her.

Late

Henry Cavill x Reader

Summary: Henry has a reputation that makes you cautious and it’s caused some disagreements. Everyone thinks you hate each other, but maybe you don’t as much as you let on. (fluffy ending, and idk, maybe angst depending on your definition).

Words: 2880

Notes/Warnings: I made this like mid-20s Henry during the Tudors filming, season 1. If I messed up with tenses somewhere, I’d like it of you let me know. I started this story out in the past-tense then changed it to present so I might have missed some stuff when editing, even after reading it 100 times over.

At the sound of the doorbell, you hop up from your sunken spot on the couch. After the day you had, the Chinese food on the other side of that wood slab is the only thing with the ability to help you recover before you must face a fresh 5 a.m. morning with Henry tomorrow.

God, you want that man to fall off the face of the earth. You don’t care if his disappearance meant you would temporarily be out of a job. Being an assistant on the set of The Tudors was something you had strongly considered sacrificing in the past if it meant never having to work with one very particular, blue-eyed, temperamental actor ever again.

You almost quit weeks ago but told yourself to suck it up. You can’t afford to unintentionally cause drama at your workplace, not after your last job; and getting that kind of reputation is not what you are going for. Besides, filming for the first season is almost over, and you will gladly welcome the long break before everyone needs to report back for season two.

The smile you were fully prepared to give the delivery man falls entirely at the sight on the other side of the door.

“What the hell are you doing here,” You huff out.

Henry crosses his thick arms over his even thicker chest and frowns back at you. “I didn’t get my script.”

A headache is already forming just from his proximity and you don’t bother resisting the urge to rub at your temple. “Well, I sent it to your house a week ago.”

“And I didn’t get it, so clearly you didn’t do a very good job.”

With an eye-roll, you say, “Is there some reason you had to come all the way to my apartment and bug me for the script when I will see you first thing in the morning?”

“Everyone else will have had theirs longer, and I wanted to get a good start on learning my lines, so yes, I have a good reason for ‘bugging’ you, Y/N.”

You hate the way he says your name. It passes his lips so softly every time and makes your heart speed faster than your liking. If another man said your name like that, you’d fall for him in an instant, but no, Henry seemed to be the only man possessing that thick, honey-sweet voice.

“Whatever,” You groan and turn on your heel. In your office desk are two extra copies of each actors’ script for emergencies, but a simple text from Henry would’ve sufficed; this is hardly life or death.

‘Hey, never got my script. Can you bring a copy in the morning?’ So damn easy.

You turn your head back when Henry’s heavy footsteps hit your hardwood floors. “Hey, I didn’t say you could come in,” You snap, eyebrows drawn together.

“What kind of person would leave their guest outside?”

The sass in his tone makes you want to pull your hair right out of your scalp. “You’re not my guest,” You say, but your blatant aggravation does nothing to hinder him and his body is a foot away from yours before you know it. Inches he has on you forces you to look up just to meet the smirk on his face.

“Stop acting like you hate me,” He says as he reaches a hand to grab yours.

“Excuse me?!” You quickly swat that hand away. “I am not acting like anything! Any negative feelings you are sensing from me are one hundred percent genuine.”

Henry scoffs and crosses his arms once again. “Oh, please.”

Your jaw drops in disbelief. He is unbelievable. Everything he does, everything he says, everything he is has had the power to make your whole body shake since the day you met him. “God, I can’t stand you!”

Walking away from him for the office, he follows close behind. “You know what, you’re not all that great either!” He yells at your back as you open the drawer of your desk to shuffle through the scripts. “You yap all damn day, talking to everyone else on set and making them laugh! You shoot that pretty smile in any direction and people flock to you like deranged birds!”

“So!” You pull out the script and hand it to Henry. Without giving it a glance, he snatches it from you and tosses it back on the oak wood surface of the desk.

“So? You’re distracting them from their jobs! We could probably get things done twice as fast if you weren’t around!”

“That’s—”

“And you are annoyingly beautiful!” He harshly interrupts. “Annoyingly! The men we work with will not shut up about it and I’m sick of listening to them talk about you the way they do! I end up hearing your name more times in a day than I hear my own, and I get called upon every five seconds! I’m practically forced to think about you!”

You blink at the increase in volume that makes the thin walls of your home quiver.

“I don’t know how many times your face manages to flash in my mind in the course of a week, but it’s starting to get to me!”

Your hands rise in disbelief before they slap back down to your sides. “That’s not my fault! But you’re one to talk! You’re well aware you’re ridiculously, unnaturally hot, and I fucking hate it! The women we work with won’t shut up about you. And you think I’m annoying? Imagine being surrounded by a pack of idiots that go on and on about how amazing you are, when the truth is, you’re so arrogant I can’t stand to be within two feet of you!”

When you try to walk past him, his hand wraps tightly around your upper arm. “Hey!”

“Leave me alone! I hate you!” You snarl at the rage in his eyes and try to shake him off you.

“You don’t hate me.”

You glare up at him. “Oh no?”

He gapes at you, seemingly stunned you have the gall to challenge him. The grip on your arm loosens until you are free. Winding his fingers through his chocolate locks, Henry shakes his head and clenches his jaw. “You are so...”

“So what? So irritating? So infuriating?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“If I’m such a problem, then go.” Ignoring his words, you point a finger in the general direction of the nearest exit.

“You want me to leave?”

“Yes! Of course, I do!”

He quirks an eyebrow and cocks his head. “So you’re going to grab me with your tiny hands and throw me through the front door, is that right?”

“I can’t fucking lift you!” You yell.

“Then I’m staying!”

“I think you’re really not! You can’t just demand to stay here! That’s not how this works!”

“Why can’t you just—God damn it!” He stomps his way back into the living room, script forgotten, and reaches for the doorknob. You follow him and let out an exhausted breath of relief, but Henry whips around to you again before you have time to revel in the feeling. “You know what, no. I’m not going anywhere until we settle this bullshit between us. I’m not going to argue with you anymore. I’m not going to act like I dislike you. I’m not going to keep playing this game, because it’s clearly not getting me anywhere; in fact, it’s doing the opposite.”

“Getting you anywhere?” You mumble.

“This whole thing is fucking bullshit and I’m over it.” He swallows. “Tell me what I did.”

“What?”

“You keep saying you hate me but have never given me a reason, so what did I do?”

Your jaw drops. “Are you kidding? You were just telling me I suck at my job, yet at the same time you don’t think I have a reason to be mad. You glare at me during work, you act like I’m an inconvenience, you—”

“That’s not what I mean.” Henry grabs your hand, and for a reason you couldn’t place, you allow it this time. “At the beginning, when we met, what was it that caused a problem between us? I’ve gone over our first meeting in my head about a thousand times and cannot figure out how I upset you so much that you’re still mad after months.”

You slip your fingers out of his palm, looking to the floor.

“Please just tell me,” He begs. “Please, I--”

“You sleep with the women you work with.” You spit out.

When he stares at you in confusion, you wince and say, “I have this friend…kinda. She was an extra on Hellraiser and claimed that you slept with nearly every woman on set, herself included. When I told her I got this job she said you’d probably try to get in my pants if I wasn’t careful, and I’m not cautious enough about men as it is, so—”

“You were mad at me before we met for something I didn’t even do?” He isn’t angry or looking at you like you’ve lost your mind; more like he can’t believe that was all it was. As if he had a simple solution to the problem that planted its roots deep into the both of you months prior.

“Whether or not you did, it’s not like you’ve been an angel to me anyway,” You say.

“Because I fucking panic when someone I want doesn’t want me! And you’ve made it very clear that you do not want me! You always seem so angry and…and I’m not very smooth, ok!? I say shit I don’t mean!”

“So you do want to get in my pants?”

“No!” He says quickly, then after a beat, sighs. “Yes.”

You give no response, so he continues.

“I swear, despite how idiotic I have acted, I really like you, and I don’t know who your friend is or why she would tell you I slept with a bunch of women on set, but I didn’t.”

You have to look away from him. His eyes hold too much sincerity and all it does is confuse you. You have spent too much time pissed to feel comfortable with the idea that it was potentially all for no reason, so you hug your arms across your middle and take a step back from him.

“Y/N, we need to talk about this.”

You shake your head. “I can’t right now.”

“Y/N—”

“It’s late, Henry. I’ll see you in the morning.”

You won’t meet his stare but can see from your peripherals his head slowly nod. You don’t look up until your front door closes softly behind him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You spend the earliest hours of the next morning sipping coffee before everyone else arrives for work, wondering if the night before actually happened or if it had just been a very realistic messy mix of a dream and a nightmare.

The sun rises and you watch as it ascends each inch until it’s planted high enough in the sky to warm your skin. He’d be here soon, looking for you, wanting answers for any questions you hadn’t given him the chance to ask.

So, what, he likes me now? He wants me? You can’t wrap your head around it. But you suppose it makes as much sense as you saying you hate him when really what you’ve been is nervous. You don’t want to be used again by some man with more power than you. Pulling yourself out of that hole was hard enough and you have no desire to trip and fall right back in.

“Y/N. You’re here early.”

You jump at the first voice to interrupt the peaceful silence. It was the last moment you’ll have to yourself for the next fifteen hours at least.

Turning your head, you smile at your boss. “Morning, Em.”

“Henry’s here early, too,” She says. “He asked me to let him know when you came in, but seeing as you’re already here, you think you could just head to his trailer now?”

No, you want to say. I’m not ready. “Sure.” You half-heartedly smile, dumping the last of your coffee in the nearest trash can.

Each crunchy step along the gravel to Henry’s trailer feels less sturdy than the one before. Though, he isn’t in his trailer when you find him, but standing out in a grassy patch, throwing a ball to Em’s dog, Leo. It makes your heart pump hard to see him so casually soft. It’s the first time you are looking at him when his eyes aren’t already on you.

Leo loyally returns the ball to Henry three more times before you gather the nerve to step up to his side.

“Em said you wanted to see me.”

You notice him hold in a breath when he registers your voice, then tossing the ball once more, he says, “I’d have gone looking for you myself if I knew you were here.”

You nod, but you’ve yet to look at one another.

“The makeup artists are gonna have a blast today trying to make me look decent,” He says.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t sleep all night. I spent it trying to figure out what to say to you but came up short.”

You scratch behind Leo’s large ears when he nudges your legs with his head. Henry gently grins, though you don’t see it. You shrug. “At least you don’t have as many scenes today.”

Henry chuckles. “That’s true.”

“I couldn’t think of anything to say to you either,” You say.

A moment passes as he blows out a deep sigh.

“Y/N…I don’t want to act like it didn’t happen. I know that’s what is easiest, but I meant what I said. The good parts, not the shit about you sucking at your job. You’re the best at your job.”

Finally meeting his eyes, the corners of your lips curve up just a bit.

“But I don’t expect you to feel the same about me.”

“Henry…”

He shakes his head and throws the ball for Leo after the pups persistent whimpering. “I’m not going to make things hard for you. Filming is almost over anyway and if you want, I’ll try to bother you as little as I can. I’m sorry I’ve been an ass, it’s just…you like everyone around here except me, but I’ve liked you more than anyone else since the moment we met. It’s no excuse--”

“It’s ok.”

He looks at you. “It’s not.”

“It is.” Without thinking, you place a hand on his arm. He stares at the touch you give him as you continue. “I didn’t have a good reason for treating you like I hate you, not really.”

“So, you don’t…hate me?”

“…No.” You look away in shame. “And I have a better explanation for that.”

He blinks, clearly relieved that every horrible thing he figured you felt for him was not, in your heart, the truth. “You don’t owe me one.”

“I slept with my boss once,” You rush out. “And, um…got the same warning as I did with you: sleeps with the other women he works with, will try to do the same with me. He did and I let him because I thought he liked me, but…no. All it did was make me feel like an idiot in the end.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I made a mistake.” You shrug. And suddenly, admitting that out loud, confiding in someone, knocks some of the painful gears in your head loose. You’d never told anyone the truth about your past. “Look, this is going to sound really odd but,” You swallow. “…Don’t stop bothering me.”

“Wait,” He turns his body fully to you. “What?”

Your lips thin, but then you smile, inch up on your toes, and go to kiss his cheek. All you wanted to do was provide a little reassurance, to let him know that you now forgive every misunderstanding between you, but the kiss lands a little too far to the right and covers the end of his mouth.

Immediately, you pull back a few centimeters and feel heat flushing your cheeks, but Henry tilts his head the slightest. He takes a breath, giving you a chance to pull back further, but when you make no move to abandon him, he connects your lips again.

It feels good. He feels good. So good it shocks you how much you don’t want it to end. And when you part your lips and his tongue touches yours, you can’t stop your hands from sliding up his chest before roping around his neck and tugging him closer. Only then does he greedily grab at your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh through the fabric of your t-shirt.  

Leo’s bark separates you minutes later, though you’re reluctant to allow it. You glance at the dog, chuckling at his rapidly wagging tail as he watches the scene before him. But when you look back to Henry, his eyes are already glued to you, their hue a little brighter and a small smile on his face.

“I’ll bother you as much as you like,” He says and tucks a wayward strand of hair behind your ear.

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*reposted for tag testing reasons. 

Prompts 1500-1599

1500) I grew up without a mother, without anybody who loved me & I can't just sit back & watch (child’s name) be taken from her mother. If (name) doesn't show up, I have to make things right. They need four vampires...each related by blood to (child’s name). I can be the fourth if I turn.

1501) When you said goodbye, I was too quick to let you go. I never really thought it'd actually be the last time I saw you. I was just acting strong.

1502) When you said goodbye, I told you I'd find you. Track you down. Well looks like you did it, after all. Went somewhere I can't follow.

1503) I'm so sorry for the things I said (name). I didn't mean them. I was so angry. I picked up the amulet the moment you walked away. It wasn't worthless. Nothing from you ever was.

1504) You should be proud of who you are.

1505) Now I know why you always told me to stay strong, you knew that one day I would need the strength to bear your loss.

1506) You were there for me when no one else was, you believed in me when no one else did, you stayed when everyone else walked away.

1507) I never thought we would end up like this.

1508) I've got a war in my heart.

1509) He died. I don't wanna feel because I'm not okay, I miss him so much it hurts, will this pain ever go away? Will it be like this forever? I tried to distract myself, but nothing makes me feel better.

1510) And that makes it okay?

1511) What would you do if I didn't come back?

1512) Do you know what it's like?

1513) How do you think this ends?

1514) Do you know what a gunshot wound feels like?

1515) Is this how you thought your life would be?

1516) I’m afraid you’ll end up seeing me the way I see myself.

1517) I loved them more than anything in this world, & they’re dead because of me.

1518) I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before.

1519) You were the only person who stayed by my side when everyone else left.

1520) There’s still no one that can replace you.

1521) Yea, but it was supposed to me & you.

1522) Your compassion is a gift, carry it with you forever.

1523) If (name) was the soul of our family then (name) was the heart.

1524) All of us live with demons within ourselves, somedays it controls us & somedays you control it.

1525) She's the flowers, but she's also the rain. She's the beauty of the day, but also the nights full of pain.

1526) There ain't no rest for the wicked unless we close our eyes for good.

1527) It took me a hundred years to find them & only a year to lose them.

1528) But this is the only thing that's made the last three years bearable.

1529) I miss moments like this more than anything.

1530) I am the one not running, not staying, but facing. Because if I am the last one, then I am humanity & if this is humanity's last war, then I am the battlefield.

1531) The worst thing that could possibly happen, actually did.

1532) Oh honey, you can't break a broken heart.

1533) Isn’t it wonderful how you’re always finding new songs, new books, new shows, new hobbies, new places & new people to fall in love with? There will always be things to love, as long as you stick around to find them.

1534) You’re so young & you have so much time. Life is longer than you think, & there will be time for you to do everything. If you lost your youth to mental illness or abuse, your life isn’t over. You can do everything you missed out on, & more. If you’re losing your youth right now, there will be time for you to do the things you want to do. It’s gonna be okay, you still have time.

1535) You’re allowed to hate your illness. You’re allowed to hate your body for making you sick. You’re allowed to be angry, to be negative, to be depressed. You don’t have to be ‘inspiration porn’ or please others for the sake of being palatable. Being sick all the time fucking sucks, that’s it.

1536) Thank you for being there when no one cares for me & for lifting me up when I'm about to give up.

1537) That's my girl, tough as cotton balls.

1538) We train our daughters to be leaders.

1539) Thank you for existing, but mostly thank you for taking the misery & pain out of my life.

1540) Do you understand that we'll never be the same again?

1541) Find the place inside where there is joy & the joy will burn out the pain.

1542) I knew it, she's tough like her mom.

1543) Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

1544) She deserves someone who makes her realize she isn’t that hard to love.

1545) She wants someone who makes her believe in things again, but she’ll never ask that of anyone. So, she’ll stay silent & guarded & fearful. She’ll hide a heart that’s worthy of the best type of love hoping maybe things will change.

1546) You’re stronger than you know. You’ve gotten through everything life has thrown at you so far, & you can make it through this too, I promise.

1547) There is so much more to life than your mental illness. This pain, this emptiness, this sadness is such a small part of what life holds for you. One day you will be filled with so much unbridled joy that you won’t even remember what it feels like to be this sad. There is so much in store for you, I promise. There is more to life than what you’re experiencing right now.

1548) It doesn’t make you unlovable or a horrible person if you don’t have many friends. It can be difficult to meet new people if you’re shy or quiet or have anxiety. It can be difficult to stay in touch with people if you can’t find the time or energy to remain in contact. It can be difficult to make new friends if you struggle to find people you click with or who are interested in the same things as you. None of those things mean you’re unlovable.

1549) If you ever question your worth, I want you to know that you make the night sky shine a little brighter. You make the seasons a little more colorful. You make the bad times a little less painful. You add beauty to everything. Because of you, the world is glowing, my love. Your existence matters so much. You add importance & value to this life. Please never forget that. You are worthy.

1550) There is always that one person in your life that does not give you enough credit for surviving. For making it this far. For all of your talents. For how amazing you are & ninety-nine per cent of the time that person is you, my love. You do not give yourself enough credit. For everything. You are so worthy. You are so talented. You are so good at something. Do not overlook all of your special features, just because you are used to them. You are freaking incredible- everything about you is. You are so damn special & it is time that you finally appreciate & see how amazing you are. Give yourself credit. For absolutely everything you are capable of. You deserve it so much.

1551) Feeling sensitive & emotional is okay. Feeling like you are about to tear up, feeling weak, feeling as if you have reached your limit - all of this is okay. You are not overreacting. You are not being dramatic. You are not unnormal. Let your emotions out. Let the tears roll. Let the pain come. You need to feel it in order to heal it, my love. I just want you to know that it is perfectly fine to feel like breaking at any point of the day (or of your life) & your feelings are never invalid. Never ever.

1552) Wounds take time to heal. When they are fresh, they hurt. The deeper the wound, the stronger the pain. When they start healing, they sting. You have to take great care of them, address them, rest, be patient. While healing, it can happen that the wound opens up & causes pain all over again. But eventually it will heal. A scar will form, visible at the beginning but fading with every day that passes. I am here to remind you that this process does not only apply to physical wounds but to mental / emotional wounds as well. Do not be hard on yourself while recovering, my love. Healing wounds, especially deep ones, take so much time & effort. They will open up again, they will be painful & that is good because it is proof that you are healing.

1553) I know right now it feels like nothing will ever get better & that your mind might only wander to everything that could go wrong or situations that will stress you out. But darling, there are so many good things in the world - good things that will happen to you. Think about all the beaches you're going to see, all the concerts you're going to go to, all the people you haven't met yet, all the places & cities you're going to visit, all the recipes you're going to try out, all the souls you're going to fall in love with & all the endless opportunities you'll be offered. Your mind may portray the future as dark & scary but that doesn't mean that it is. You're going to bloom & you're going to be happy. Your future shines so bright, my love. Please don't listen to the voices in your head; instead of imagining everything that could fail, imagine everything that can (& will) go right.

1554) Someone who makes you happy, gives you love, makes you smile & helps you breathe on the dark days does not complete you. You are whole on your own. You are a completed masterpiece, my love. They rather complement you. They are strong when you are weak, they are positive when you feel negative, they help when you are in need & they love when you do not even love yourself & you do the same for them. It is not that they give you light, it is that with them your own light shines even brighter. Always remember that.

1555) This one is for you: For the person who never lets anyone see their demons or the battle they're fighting inside their head; for the person who gives everything to help those in need but doesn't seem to get the same care back; for the person who's hurting inside but hiding it with a smile on the outside even though what fills their nights are dark thoughts & cries; this one is for you, my love. I want you to know that I see you. I see right through the mask you're putting on everyday & I'm here to tell you that you can put it down. Drop it. Finally let those feelings out. It's okay. I'm here. I won't judge. I will support you as you heal in your own way.

1556) Memories always bring back the pain.

1557) Everyday, everyday I wanted to kill myself so the pain can go away.

1558) I give up, it will never get better.

1559) There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how.

1560) I know you've been hurt by someone else; I can tell by the way you carry yourself.

1561) As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you.

1562) Since my dog likes you, then I guess I like you too.

1563) Don't break someone's heart, they only have one. Yeah, break their bones. They have 206 of those.

1564) When life gives you lemons, you-. Squeeze them into your enemy's eyes as you watch them suffer in agony, while you squeeze more lemons so they can't see. No!

1565) I'm no longer a human being. I identify as a chicken nugget.

1566) Everyone, hold your horses! Hold them close, cherish them—. What? I don’t know, I haven’t slept in three days.

1567) Can we please stop saying the word 'sugar daddy'? Glucose guardian

1568) I honestly don't remember the last time I was happy.

1569) How am I supposed to go on?

1570) I got these because I know they’re your favorite.

1571) Forget the past, remember the lesson.

1572) You can lock yourself away from everyone else but please don’t push me away.

1573) I made her lose her smile.

1574) If you’re going to dress like that, I’m not going to let you out of my sight.

1575) My greatest regret was letting my walls down & trusting you with my heart. I wish I never met you.

1576) The voices haven't gone away & I think they're getting worse. I think I'm getting worse.

1577) I know you don't let yourself get close to anyone, but I wish you'd let yourself get close to me.

1578) You can push everyone away, but I promise you I'm not going anywhere. Nothing you can do will ever push me away.

1579) I know they're dead, I know that, but I keep seeing them everywhere & every time I get close to them, they're gone. I just feel like I'm losing my mind.

1580) I know you've been gone for months & you'll probably never get this, but I miss you. I miss you so much & I wish you were here because it's getting so much harder to wake up & keep doing all this.

1581) They're gone, they're just gone now & I have to pretend to be okay because everyone else is hurting & so I have to be there for them & I don't have time to break down because everyone else needs me, but I just need someone right now. I can't do this anymore; I can't keep pretending I'm fine because I'm not. I'm really not.

1582) I don't feel like I'm in control anymore, it feels like I'm in a car & it's mine but someone else is in the front seat & in the passenger seat & I'm in the back far away from the wheel.

1583) A person who has a beautiful soul, kindness through their veins, songs live in their heart, & love pours out in their speech. They are lively, bright, & radiate love & joy. They are captured. Taken away from everyone & everything they love. Taken away from what makes them who they are. How do you heal someone from that?

1584) You will always regret losing the chance to love someone.

1585) Please, just hang on. Please. For me.

1586) I'm sorry I get mad. I'm sorry I get sad. I'm sorry I'm not always smiling. I'm sorry I overthink everything. I'm sorry I can't sleep at night. I'm sorry for saying the things I say. I'm sorry I'm so complicated. I'm sorry I'm a mess. I'm sorry for being clingy. I'm sorry that when l get sad, I get quiet. I'm just so sorry for being me.

1587) To be reborn, you have to die first.

1588) Beware the lioness, for she is a natural hunter.

1589) She was my first love & we were madly in love; however, I was too young for serious relationships & chose career over love. Now I'm 30, recently I met her in a shopping center, she's now happily married & has a son. We sat in a cafe for four hours talking about everything, we both confessed we had the best time of our lives together. Well, I came home & simply burst into tears; how stupid I was to exchange the love of my life for all this. Don't let "your" people go.

1590) If you're dating someone with depression. They're going to be tired. Constantly. Don't let them stay in bed all day. They're not going to want to eat. Make them food anyway. They're going to want to cancel plans just to go home & watch Netflix. Take them out dancing anyway. They will look like they're not in the mood to be silly. Try to make them laugh anyway. They're going to want to cry over spilled coffee. Don't make it seem like it's not a big deal or that they're being dramatic. They're going to be happy & sad at the same time, & I know that sounds crazy but it's the truth. They're going to need constant reassurance that they're beautiful. Tell them. They're going to constantly need reassurance that you're not going to leave them. They aren't doubting you or questioning your love, depression comes with anxiety. It comes with no appetite, sleeping 10 hours & waking up tired. It comes with the illusion of standing in a room with hundreds of people & being seen by none of them. It doesn't make sense. It's impossible to understand so imagine how they feel. Fighting a constant internal battle. So be that support system. Reassure & love hard. Never give up on them.

1591) Just be with me, we'll figure out the details later.

1592) Do you know how you made me feel when you ignored me?

1593) There is peaceful, there is wild. I am both at the same time.

1594) Quiet people have the loudest minds.

1595) Eyes tell the best stories.

1596) I’m going to keep going until I succeed or die. Don’t think I don’t know how this might end. I’ve known it for years.

1597) You know how when you're in a car & it's pouring down rain, you go under a bridge & everything stops? Everything goes silent & it's almost peaceful, then you finally get from under the bridge, & everything hits you a little harder than before? You were my bridge.

1598) Sometimes it’s going to hurt. It will. You're going to sit on your floor screaming at the ceiling. Pulling at your hair & trying to pull the skin off your bones. You're going to fall asleep with tears burning at your eyes & praying that you won't wake up, but you will. You will always wake up. Be glad. It's going to stop hurting.

1599) Life after depression is a wonderous thing. You watch birthdays pass. Ages you thought you'd never see. You experience life events on a different plane reflecting on the past cause you didn't see a future. You slowly learn to love yourself, living with the scars that remind you of worse times. In the end all that matters the heartbeat in your chest, so you breathe in & out & continue to live.

We need to talk.

Summary: After a breakup, Ivan realizes his life was not as fullfilling as he had thought. Reaching out to old friends might prove to be a slow task with interesting outcomes.

Chapter Preview: The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes. "Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Chapter 3: We are idiots.

“Let’s chat a bit.” Alfred said once he stepped into the apartment.

The American made a beeline to the kitchen, setting down the bag he carried from the store and turning on the stove.

Ivan stayed dumbfounded in the entrance until embarrassment took over him. “You don't need to do that.”

Alfred laughed, rummaging through the counters.“Of course, I do. Let me be.”

Ivan closed the door and decided to watch the American from the kitchen door. Knowing that he was just as unyielding if not much more than himself.

Setting a frying pan in the fire, Alfred asked. “So, why are you all disheveled?”

Ivan sighed, glancing at the window. The city was visible from there, full of bright lights and tall buildings. He remembered liking the view at the beginning, but now, it resembled a painting or a picture where he was out of the frame, it did not feel like a place where he actually spent his days.

He replied shortly. “I can't find Boris”

Alfred turned his head and raised an eyebrow. “Boris is your cat, right? I can’t believe you used that name, it sounds so weird.”

The Russian laughed. “And whose fault is that? I wanted to give him another name.”

Alfred focused back on his task and muttered. “I did not rescue that cat for you to name him Vodka... or Boris”

Ivan scoffed back. “Boris was appropriate for that cat, he survived a fire, he is totally a Boris. I don't know, but I'm getting the feeling that he won't come back.”

Without turning to look at him, Alfred replied. “Oh, that sucks man. When was the last time you saw it?”

This was the difference between Tolys and Alfred; while one was constantly worried and on edge, the other was laid-back and direct. The Russian mentally smacked himself, he shouldn't be doing such comparisons.

Ivan looked up, the last time he saw Boris was on Thursday. When he opened his door late at night and found out that Tolys had moved out. The fluffy cat had been playing around with a sock.“Last night.”  He answered.

The smell coming from the kitchen was getting stronger, even though it looked like Alfred was frying something, the smell reminded Ivan how hungry he actually was. The Russian tried to peek at what the other was doing but the American kept on blocking his view.

Alfred hummed “Don’t be so negative. Did you try putting some of his food outside?”

The Russian looked down at the untouched bowl of cat food. Feeling tiredness all over him again.  “No, I don't think he’ll come back”

“Why not?”

Ivan fixed his gaze on Alfred’s back, he was taking a dish from the top counter. “I haven’t paid much attention to him lately.”

Alfred’s reply was simple. “It’s a cat, they don’t need you around 24/7.”

Ivan sighed, glancing at the door. “Well, no. I just guess he found someone better, someone who pays attention to him and loves him more.”

Alfred’s footsteps approached, his voice was closer too. “But you love your cat, don't you?”

“Well, yes but I don't blame him for leaving me.”

Ivan looked at Alfred, he was placing two plates in the table. the Russian felt a smile creeping on his lips. He should’ve expected the homemade hamburgers, they were Alfred’s signature food.

The american returned to the kitchen, taking two glasses and a big soda. “Well, you can only hope for him to return. Meanwhile, we are going to find a good picture of Boris and post it in some missing pets groups, we could also print some and place them around, if someone sees it, they'll call.”

“That's a good idea.”

The drink was poured and Alfred handed him a glass. “Here, eat.”

Taking it, the Russian smiled softly, Ivan was glad not to be alone. “Thank you, Fredka”.

"It's fine dude."

They ate in silence, except for the occasional questioning about flavor that Alfred asked.

Once finished, Ivan retrieved the plates to the kitchen, starting to wash them.

This time, Alfred was the one watching him, the American leaned on the doorframe.

"Ivan…"

"Yes?"

The American scratched the back of his head, Ivan thought the unsure expression Alfred wore didn't fit him."I was getting the idea, that you weren't talking about your cat back then."

Ivan placed the wet plates on the counter, reaching for a kitchen towel to dry them."I was."

Alfred's pushed."for real-"

The Russian focused on the plate he was holding, and repeated."I was."

The blue-eyed man rolled his eyes."Sure."

Ivan resumed his task and glanced down. "Alright, Tolys broke up with me, and left with someone else."

"Oh."

This was the problem with Alfred, while Tolys was good with words, Alfred was clueless.

Sighing, Ivan turned back to Alfred, giving him an apologetic look. "See? I didn't want to tell you because it's just something you can't fix."

Alfred followed him to the living room. "Well, I never said it had to be fixed. You just have to overcome it, eventually. How are you feeling?"

Ivan was weary of having this conversation but perhaps it was the time for him to speak up about it. He took a seat and fidgeted with the remote. "Horrible, all I could say to him was "I hope you are happy" like I wasn't even mad, I don't know what's wrong with me, but all I felt at that moment was apathy. The sadness only got to me when I came back and noticed he had packed his things and left."

"Well, it's not wrong, you just didn't process the situation, that's completely normal."

"Is it?"

"Yes, I see it all the time, with the people we rescue, some of them get into a state of shock, they can't move, talk or hear. Some stay paralyzed, looking at the flames while we have to carry them outside."

Alfred took the control from his hands, taking one into his and rubbing circles in his palm.

"At least you reacted the same day, some people take days, months or even years to face the situation."

Ivan relaxed his posture, Alfred's hands were warm, unlike his own. "But you are talking about emergencies, about fires, I am talking about something harmless."

Alfred's blue eyes focused on his, worry was coating Alfred's usually smiling face. "Vanya, if you are so affected by it, then it isn't harmless."

Ivan dismissed with his hand, the warmth that Alfred was giving him was lost with the movement. "But I am not affected, I just got vacations in the worst moment possible."

Alfred started to change the channels. "Perhaps it is for the better. You can take some time for yourself."

Ivan whined. "But I don't want it. Being alone makes me think about what Tolys said."

"And what did he say?"

The words were easy to remember, they were repeating in his mind like a broken record since the brunette had uttered them. "That I was not prepared to compromise, that I only cared about myself."

"Is it true?"

The question surprised him, he was expecting Alfred to reassure him, to deny, instead, he was questioning the veracity of those words.

He couldn't hide his confused tone. "What?"

"Those words, are they true?"

A wave of frustration passed over him, the Russian replied hesitantly. "I.. I don't know… I can't see those behaviors in myself."

Alfred sighed, placing a hand on the Russian's shoulder. "Well, I can't say much because we have been apart for so long, but sometimes you’d get absorbed in your work, perhaps that's what makes you look self-centered."

"Perhaps…" Ivan echoed.

"You should really give yourself a break, travel somewhere, have new experiences. It'll be good for you."

Ivan was relieved, Knowing Alfred will not let him indulge in self-pity but wouldn't attack him either made him feel safer. "Thanks, Alfred."

The American snorted. "It's funny, I wouldn't have pictured myself having this conversation when we were in high school."

Alfred was right, they couldn't stand seeing each other back then, they only grew closer by the end of the last school year. "Me neither."

The American embraced him tightly. "It's nice to have you as my friend, Ivan. I really appreciate you and if you need anything, you can always ask me, ok?"

Ivan returned the embrace. "Thanks, you can count on me too, Fredka."

Alfred jerked back and shook him a bit, talking excitedly. "Oh, I almost forgot, guess whose house almost catch fire two days ago?"

Ivan chuckled. "Was it Mr. Kirkland's again?"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "No, well yes but that's a current occurrence this one was new. Do you remember Yao?"

Ivan averted his gaze."I.. yes, I do."

Alfred took out his phone and started to scroll down in it. " His cousin was visiting, and the guy is a little enthusiastic with firecrackers, he almost burns the whole house."

Ivan didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to stay silent either, Alfred would get suspicious as always. "Oh"

The American looked up at him. "Hey, did you ever talk to him again?"

"What?"

Alfred tilted his head to the side. "You used to be so close. I supposed you would reach out to him after school"

Ivan shook his head quickly. "No, I didn't."

Alfred showed him his phone. "Perhaps you should, he looks just like he did when we were in high school. I told you, the guy must be a vampire or something, not a single wrinkle in all these years."

Alfred had taken a selfie with him, and the blonde was right, the Chinaman seemed not to age at all. He still had that serious expression in his face, those black locks of hair contained in the usual ponytail. He seemed to be displeased, maybe not happy to have the firefighters in his house.

Ivan chuckled. "It hasn't been that long Alfred."

The American glanced intently at the phone screen. "But still, he looks like he's twenty."

"Alfred, you do so too"

Alfred gave an undignified gasp. "Because I am still in my twenties, thank you very much. This confirms my suspicions."

"Alfred, he's not a vampire."

The conspiracy had been going around Alfred's head since he was a teenager, Ivan couldn't believe he still held into it.

Alfred shook his head, asserting. "No, he isn't, he might be an alien or a spy. Yes, I think the commies got him years before and this guy I saw it's just a replacement."

Ivan laughed lightly, Alfred had accused him of being a spy since he entered the school. It had become an internal joke after all these years. "Why would he be a spy?"

"I don't know dude, it's suspicious. One would think that you had something to do with it, Mr. Kuryakin."

They both laughed, Alfred took off his glasses and whipped away some tears. "But for real, I think you should talk to him."

Ivan frowned. "Why? we don't talk to each other anymore."

"Hey Ivan, did he do something to you?"

Here it was, Alfred's never-ending questioning."For the hundredth time Fredka, he didn't."

Alfred accused."Then why did you changed so much and stopped talking to him?"

The American's imagination was troubling when it came to this matter, Ivan couldn't convince him otherwise, not even after denying it for so long. He decided to give him a short reply. "Because I realized I spent too much time with him, and that wasn't very good."

Alfred shrugged, turning his attention back to the TV. "I admit, it was a bit strange, but I can't judge."

Ivan elbowed him lightly. "No you can't, Mr. I have a crush on Professor Kirkland."

Alfred seemed delighted, snickering his reply. "Hey, don't bother me with that, I got him to accept a dinner the last time he burnt his kitchen."

" Did you?"

Alfred beamed. "Yes, he was a douche about it, as he always is, but he begrudgingly accepted."

Ivan shook his head. "Fredka, you have a horrible taste in people. Why do you fix your attention in the bitter ones? You are so cheerful and bright."

"Says the one who dated me."

Now was Ivan's turn to gasp.

Alfred looked down and muttered. "You know, I kinda knew it wouldn't work out."

Ivan mirrored him. "Yes, me too." He chuckled. "We are idiots."

Alfred laid back on the couch. "Yeah, but don't take Tolys words to the heart. I admit, you are difficult to handle but you are not bad or undateable."

"Difficult?"

Alfred scratched his head. "Well, I never told you this, but you are so competitive, sometimes I would get super paranoid that you'd get bored of me."

"Alfred-"

The American interrupted."No, it wasn't your fault, it's just, you always work so hard and eventually get a promotion and I couldn't stop myself from feeling a bit jealous and also stuck."

Ivan knitted his eyebrows, glancing at Alfred's hands, they were always warm, yet, they've never been soft. He had worked since they were in the last high school year. "Alfred, you are the chief of the fire department."

Alfred nodded but spoke rapidly, fixing his gaze on the floor. "Yes but you are working in an embassy, speak four languages, that can be a bit too much for some of us. It's not bad because after all, it's you, but as a partner, sometimes I'd get the feeling that you were above me and that I wasn't enough. You also seemed distant, like I didn't need your constant validation so I didn't care too much about it, but perhaps Tolys did care about it, and that's why he said you had commitment issues."

That's was an unexpected insight. Ivan's words were coated with concern. "Alfred, why didn't you tell me any of this before?"

Alfred looked him in the eyes, clearly frustrated but also confident in his words. "Because it didn't seem like a big deal, and we were going through a rough patch back then, I didn't want to make it worse."

Ivan stared back for a while, unsure of what to say. "Alfred, I'm sorry-"

Alfred shook his head, his tone alarmed "No, don't apologize, those things weren't your fault, it was more of a self insecurity stuff."

Ivan hugged the American tightly. "Thank you, Alfred."

Alfred returned the embrace laughing. "You are too affectionate tonight, Vanya. Remember I have a date with Kirkland this week. Sorry, but the firefighter is taken."

Ivan paused, processing Alfred's words, then he burst out laughing.

He was glad to have Alfred around.

Some of you are probably tired about me screeching about my angel bois that I made as OCs for Obey Me. But I’m not and my friend also said they aren’t and that’s all I care about.

So I will screech about these nasty guys some more. Because angels aren’t nice in my book, they never were and they never will be, at least not nice as most people perceive them and I have my reasons for that. 

Anyways, I wanted them to fit into the Universe kinda given in the game but with my own twist on it, I also took some things that are kinda biblical or proper angel related but also not word for word, I used them as I saw fit and changed it to fit what I like.

These are more like scribbles, and ideas of what I want them to be, there will probably be more added to that, but as of now these are the most complicated and most thought about OCs I ever had. Like I even gave them their own personalities and stories and I never did that before, so I’m keeping all as bullet points! 

Michael

• hates demons and especially Diavolo with a burning passion, probably the reason why the celestial realm has such a bad view of demons

• created in Gods image, so he is treated as that, everything he does is good and right and correct, gets everything he wants

• fell in love with Lucifer, especially since he was created as the most beautiful of Archangels, so that’s just what he deserves

• but he is kinda uncharacteristically shy about that and never told him directly, but it was clear he kinda had a special spot for him

• has a horrible god complex, and Lucifer hated that, he was curious but in total not really interested

• but Michael is dumb, and not used to having people not like him, he doesn’t get things like that, doesn’t accept them even, because he is like their creator so everyone should love him now matter what

•  decided that Gabriel had to be his best friend one day, and well then he had to be because you don’t oppose Michael, that’s just not a wise thing to do

• Gabriel is the only one he ever directly told about his feelings for Lucifer

• that’s why he hates Diavolo so much: the love of his life started a war because of a decision that he made, that there was no chance that his decision was wrong or uncalled for, absolutely no way for that, he always knows what he has to do and everything he does is 100% correct, he can’t make mistakes, so he kinda got mad and kicked him out as a “come back when you learned your lesson”. But he didn’t. He still has to learn apparently, but he still loves him a lot and waits for him to come back. And then he has the audacity to fall in love with the prince of hell, something that he can’t accept and will never, because that demon is just trash and he is better in any way especially looks. And it can’t be that a demon got what you can’t because he is Michael.

• strongly believes that Diavolo is just manipulating him and just put him under a spell, especially in his moment of weakness right after the fall

• is set on bringing Lucifer back, because he can just do that, when he wants him back everyone wants him back

• because their love isn’t genuine but a farce that Diavolo set up, and since he is strong none can look through that aside from him

• he is extremely positive, nothing can bring him down or change his opinion

• Gabriel has to fix all his problems, he is so helpful and nice, always, even when people don’t want it, but how can people not want his help, impossible

• I was inspired by the fact that the sun is the planet/star associated with him for his design, so he is warm and supposed to resemble a sunny day, with red and blue being his colours

• he’s a virgin and completely oblivious to anything that has any sexual innuendos, like he understand how things work but has no idea about kinks or that anything could be seen in that way, it just simply never crossed his mind, he also doesn’t get it when people flirt with him, he just thinks they are being nice

• fully and completely trusts Gabriel, which has caused him to get away with some stuff, but he is the closest friend he ever had and he won’t stop taking about him and telling him and others how great he is

• is plagued by nightmares, the war and everything that has happened didn’t pass by completely, opposite to his usual bright and happy personality, he never talks about them with anyone other than Gabriel though, he wants to stay happy for everyone

Powers

• he got a flaming sword as his weapon

• theory for the eyes floating around his halo: This is kinda complicated and probably only makes sense in my head but I’m trying to explain it. He is pretty much their creators physical resemblance walking around, so he needs the ability to see everything. In my story, he, Gabriel and Lucifer were the big three up there, the ones with the most power and the most influence. They were always ment to be that so Michael as the first to be created was created with their eyes for him to see through as well, getting another point of view so to say. The blue ones are his own, the green ones are Gabriels and the red one that is still there is what was left of Lucifer’s three, the other ones he took with him, so he can see things too. With traces of all their powers he can see everything that happens, and draw out powers from them. They are always with him and he can see what they are doing or what they are thinking about the topics too. Gabriels glare at him most of the time, and the red one that was left doesn’t move much anymore, since the connection was lost mostly. And I’m saying mostly because it still stands,so he also knows what’s going on in the Devildom, not to the tiniest of details like he should be able to but in general. Very advanced stalking powers so to say. 

Fashion

• he likes showing skin and wearing tighter fitting clothes, his creator made his body after all and he proudly wants to show that

• So he usually wears some deep cut out shirts for any casual clothes and tighter fitting dress pants

• loves lots of colour, his favourite pattern is plaid

Gabriel

• realist

• hates everyone equally, goes into every conversation hating his opposite, but you can proof him wrong and then he’ll be decent, but good luck to you if not

• is as done with Michael as Lucifer and Barbatos together are with Diavolo

• roasts Michael on a daily basis, but he doesn’t get it, he is to perfect for that, why would anyone do it

• will never make fun of him though and will be there for him, they have been stuck to each other for so long, they ended up being closer to each other than anyone else, he just shows his love through hate and disgust

• the only one in the Celestial realm with braincells, and he doesn’t like sharing

• isn’t averted to demons at all, was probably the reason why Michael agreed to the exchange program

• some suck but not all

• also knows, and accepts that Lucifer doesn’t have any interest in Michael and tries to get him off of that since Millennia but it never works

• likes getting his hair brushed and braided, it’s his quilty pleasure, has a collection of brushes and combs

• also likes piercings, he has a lot

• I read somewhere that his planet/star was the moon and I liked that, I could design him and Mike as opposites that way, that’s why I made him super pale and resembling the night

• pure savage, he cares about nothing

• super bold, he will say anything that is on his mind, no reagard for any other person

• makes up for Mike being a virgin tenfold, he’s a little kinky, likes body worship and humiliating others

•  definitely has a bit of a princess personality, he’s above others and they should feel honoured that he even graces them with his presence

•  very set on looking clean and pristine

• doesn’t really care about gender normalities, I feel he would be more on the nb spectrum but uses male pronouns, make fun of him dressing up girly/feminine and you’ll regret every decision you ever made in life

Powers

• I picked off the fact that Gabriel is kinda god’s messenger I guess, so I made his voice his powers

• he can use his creators if he wants to, and that affects people more closely, they feel it in their hearts more and are more affected by it, in both negative and positive ways

• and Gabriel isn’t nice, so he mostly yells at people 

• everyone is scared off him because of that, extremely careful around him to not say anything that could make him angry

• or they’ll regret it, like just him saying that you didn’t do a good job when using his voice could make you so depressed that you hole yourself up in your room for the next years

• so kinda like mind breaking, the stronger the being the harder it is to apply, but even other Archangels are affected by him, just for Michael it doesn’t work at all

• is pretty weak physically, but thanks to his voice people mostly break down and lay crying on the floor long before they reach him

• doesn’t need to be next or close to the people for that, you always hear him as if he was right next to you even if you don’t see him

• he is really intelligent

• he also knows everything about a person, every way that words could hurt them, that just comes with it, reading their minds a little you could say, but only seeing information that he could use, use to build them up or bring them down

Fashion

• likes loose flowy clothes

• dresses very feminine, usually high waisted and wide legged pants, or flowy jumpsuits

• his hair is either open, braided or in a high ponytail

• likes all types of floral prints, but sticks with white, blue and green as his preferred colours

• usually lots of golden jewelry

Alright, this one is long overdue for an anonymous friend who really wanted me to review The Healer.  So after a short pause, here is another edition of

The Worst Movie on Netflix Right Now™

Heavy sigh.

Alright.  Let’s talk about this one.  

First off, I have to do some pretty serious content warnings, cause I know some people have been receiving some bad news recently and this review goes someplace you might not expect so, I love you guys, but please be aware that this review deals with: cancer, terminal illness, kids with cancer.  

Now back to the bullshit.

This is basically a movie about a fucking dumbass dude who has trouble making obvious decisions.  

SPOILERS AHEAD (are you new here?)

The main character Alec Bailey, begins the film as a total fuckwit.  He lives in England (somewhere about) and owns a failing electronic handyman business that he calls “The Healer” (in the most pathetic stretch of narrative bullshit, but okay) and is in deep gambling debts to the Russian mob. 

As our story begins, Alec discovers that he has a long lost rich uncle who makes him an offer: the uncle will pay off Alec’s debts if he agrees to live in Nova Scotia for a year.  The uncle will make all the arrangements: plane ticket, work visa, place to live, etc.  All Alec has to do is stay in Nova Scotia for a year.

OH NO!  WHATEVER SHALL I DO?!?  WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN REMOTE NOVA SCOTIA FOR A YEAR AFTER ALL MY FINANCIAL CONCERNS ARE TAKEN CARE OF?  

HOWEVER WILL I SURVIVE IN SUCH A HORRIBLE PLACE?11?!?

I BETTER THINK IT OVER.

*eyeroll*

He finally makes his decision after getting chased by mobsters trying to collect on his debts.  ...like I said.  He’s a fuckwit.

So he moves into this beautiful house in Nova Scotia.  There’s no internet, which is a legit bummer, but his uncle has arranged a car for him to get to town.  Seems like a pretty good gig.  Even if it is going to be brutally cold come the winter months.  

Well as soon as Alec arrives in town, everyone seems to know and be expecting him.  He puts an ad out for his mechanical engineering services, again, under the name “The Healer.”  Well........... that goes awry in ways you would expect.  Suddenly, people start showing up requesting his physical healing services.

The thing is, the people from town seem to expect him to actually be a healer.  They keep referring to a secret and to him being “the chosen one.”  There’s no explanation for this.

Then there’s like... this whole weird interlude where Alec seems to kill the town priest, played by Jorge Ramirez (can someone please find this dude a good acting gig? my dude has decent comedic timing, he’s better than this shit). And Alec gets arrested.  Even though the priest got up and walked away.  All of this seems like a weird spinning of wheels before the actual plot.  Like why is this happening.  Why?  

Eventualllllllly......... his uncle shows back up and fesses up (in the most elaborate way possible).  People in his family have a gift.  Every other generation, someone is chosen.  And they have the gift of healing.  Based solely on being near to someone who is destined to be saved.

The gift can only be activated around their 30th birthday (if this sounds unnecessarily elaborate, that’s because it is -- and I’m even cutting shit out like the secret basement and portraits on the wall, blahblahblah).  The day after the birthday, the chosen one must decide.  They can choose to accept or decline the gift of healing.  Alec is given until midnight that night to make his decision.  WILL HE BE THE CHOSEN ONE?  WILL HE BE THE HEALER?!?!1?1

I mentioned that Alec is a fuckwit right?  

*Hagrid voice* YOU’RE A FUCKWIT, ALEC!

*squints*

Annnnnnyhow.  Alec goes to the town church where everyone is gathered at midnight (with thank you signs and a big round of applause) and he dashes their hopes.  HE WILL NOT BE THE HEALER, NO!  Even though it comes with no readily apparent downsides or costs.  And he’d be able to relieve the suffering of others with no cost to himself.  No, fuck it.  He’s going to go home.

The town takes it pretty well, all things considered.  The few people who had already been healed by being near him make speeches of gratitude.  They all wish him a happy birthday and tell him he’s welcome to stay.  Like these people are insanely understanding about him declining the gift of healing.  INSANE.

It’s worth noting that we’re about halfway through the movie at this point and we haven’t met one of the main characters of the movie.  

IN COMES ABIGAIL.  Cancer kid extraordinaire.  She is 14 years old.  Her parents have driven 7 hours to see Alec.  Their daughter is dying of terminal cancer, and all they want is for Alec to spend some time with her and give it a shot.  But she’s a pretty self-possessed kid.  She convinces the reluctant Alec to just hangout with her for the weekend to buck up her parents and give her parents some hope.  She doesn’t believe in the healing, so no harm, no foul.

And finally we’ve hit the meat of our story.  Will Alec be able to save Abigail now that he’s declined the gift?  Will he regret it?  WHY DID HE DECLINE THE GIFT!?1?

SPOILERS (really can’t discuss this movie without them)

It turns out, Alec had a brother who died of cancer.  And they were incredibly close.  In Alec’s words, “he was my everything.”  But now he deeply regrets giving up the gift.  Now he’s worried he can’t save Abigail.

You know what, man?  Same.

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TURN DOWN THE GIFT!??!?

Listen.  Listen, listen.  I don’t know a single person who has been touched by cancer who wouldn’t jump at the chance to have a healing gift.  I mean, what the fuck.  Death sucks.  Losing someone you love from any kind of illness sucks.  Especially when it feels even remotely too soon.  And cancer is a particular type of FUCKING BULLSHIT.  It sucks.  

So it’s really fucking hard to understand why this FUCKWIT turns down the gift to begin with.  Death and suffering is not abstract for him when this movie starts!  So why we should feel sorry for his resulting anxiety, now that he has met someone who is directly negatively affected by his fucking BAD DECISION.

Anyhow, the rest of the movie is basically an exercise in how charming Abigail is and how much fun we can have with her before she goes off to die. Which like......... OH-FUCKING-KAY!

It should go without saying that this movie has a happy ending.  The music swells where it should.  The romance is consummated.  Abigail is healed.  All is going to be well with the world.

As a movie, this one has some weird fucking choices.  First, all of the music cues in this movie are just wrong.  “Faith” by George Michael is not a song about believing in something --- unless that something is having sex with someone who hurt you before.  And the lighting in this film is so beautiful all the time, it looks like you’re in a fucking ciallis commercial, even when you’re in the freaking police station, wtf?  

And last, the writing is just weird in places.  Like why have the love interest lie about being a lesbian through 90% of the film?  Why?  It’s not a good joke!  And  It is COMPLETELY fucking baffling to me why the good news of this story is delivered off-screen instead of on-screen.  If Abigail is going to be okay, why couldn’t she come back to Nova Scotia to tell him?  Why couldn’t she deliver that news in person!?  That’s just bad writing.  What the fuck is that?

But whatever.  

On the credit side, I think Oliver Jackson Cohen knows what he’s doing as an actor.  He’s not Oscar-worthy yet, but I believed him.  When he talks about his brother, I felt that.  And that could not have been easy in such a fucking weird script.

But as much as I’d like to end this review right here, there’s more.  Cause...

..........that’s not where the movie ends.  Not entirely.

As the end music plays, the movie is dedicated to Paul Newman who established summer camps for seriously ill kids.  And then we see images and videos of the kids all over the world enjoying activities at these camps.  

And that’s where this critique stops.  Sorta.  Paul Newman was a legitimately good person.  And his legacy of caring for sick kids carries on to this day, as was evident from all the footage.

But here’s the thing: healing as it’s depicted in this movie does not exist.  But easing the suffering of others does.  I wish this movie had been about that.  I wish it had been less focused on miracles and weird family legacies and selfish fuckwits and more about the kind of healing that Paul practiced.  But I guess that movie isn’t as fun, and it isn’t as hopeful and uplifting.

In the non-movie version of this story, Abigail Bryant died in 2014 at the age of 20.  Her obituary still appears online.  And it is still receiving comments and photos from cancer survivors and fighters, many of them who found her through the film.  And they talk about how the movie touched them.

On that level, it doesn’t matter what I say here.  It doesn’t matter that there are weird parts of this script or that healing like this is a fantasy.  This movie does its job.  It touches people.  And if it inspires just a few more people to give money to help relieve suffering, then that’s all that matters.

Ronald McDonald House Charities Cancer Research Institute Hole in the Wall Gang (Paul Newman’s org) Serious Fun Children’s Network (established by Paul Newman)

Survey #435

from yesterday, don’t feel like updating the answers. :^)

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Uhhh. I really don't know... I mean maybe doing all I can do avoid debt? That's what my parents mostly argued about, and I know financial strain can really affect a couple. I never want that burden. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No; my parents didn't grow up here. Wait! I THINK Mom had one of my college professors? I don't recall for sure, and I definitely don't remember who it was. Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge? Nah. Are there any songs that inspire you? Certainly, such as "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Get Up" by Shinedown, and more. How do you feel about celebrities getting involved in politics? Do you think that the celebrity world and the political world should be kept apart? Not at all; everyone has the right to share their opinion and should not feel like it's necessary to censor it. Let them be people with morals and beliefs, too. I'm totally fine with them CHOOSING to be quiet about controversial subjects, but they're more than welcome to share their thoughts on any topic. What is one pro of living where you do, and what is one con? What is a pro and a con of living where you wished you lived? I guess the only real pro (and this is horrible to be the first thought) is that we're under the radar; like, not really a target for terrorism or anything, lol. I'd get kinda nervous if I lived in, like, Washington D.C. or something. We have A LOT of cons: there is NOTHING to do, we're essentially a hub for crime, the scenery is boring and bland as fuck... I could go on for a long time. I'd love to live in many areas in North America, but I'll go with Alaska, since that would absolute RULE. A strong pro would definitely be the cold climate and the sights, but it would definitely be a con to me when that relentless dark era lasts for months on end. I need the sun (from inside anyway, ha ha) sometimes, because it being dark for what, half a year?, would really damage my happiness. What is your favorite episode of your favorite TV show? Referring to Meerkat Manor, it's actually the one where Mozart dies, I think, even though it destroyed my heart. I just think the writer portrayed it as so beautifully tragic, and the clips shown were so pretty. Does having others watch you do things make you uncomfortable? What sorts of things make you extremely uncomfortable if you are watched while doing them? Are there any things that give you confidence to do if you have an audience? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Do NOT watch me on the computer (especially when writing), I literally will not draw if someone's watching (inevitably besides in Art classes, I think Sara is legit the only person who's watched me draw a bit), I really don't like people watching me edit photography, I'm nooot a fan of others seeing me exercise (though I kinda have to suck that up with having a personal trainer), etc. etc. Just don't watch me do anything, lol. I don't know what actually boosts my confidence if I'm being observed. Does someone in your house speak a different language on a regular basis? No. Do you follow or care about any big sports events? Not at all. Are there any activities people normally do together that you prefer doing alone? Hm. I dunno. If you are going somewhere where you’ll have to wait for a while (i.e. a doctor’s office), do you bring something to occupy yourself? My phone, yeah. How long is your favorite song? I checked, and it's almost six minutes. Do you think you’d ever want to be “internet famous”? I'll admit I've somewhat thought about it, only because my career choices are running so dry, and I'd be able to do it alone. However, I've got noooo idea what I'd actually do, and I also don't think I could handle ridicule or anything like that for any reason. Having a spotlight on me would stress me out. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My older sister. What moment in your life have you been most scared? Probably this one occasion where Dad had to pick my sister and me up from school one day and make the 30-minute drive home. Well. He was clearly in a hellish mood because he was flying. He ran stop signs and red lights, passed people illegally... I was in the passenger's seat and absolutely convinced we were going to crash. I can barely believe we didn't. Who was the last person you slow danced with? -_- Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. I like how they block out external sound better, and they don't hurt my ears like headphones do. What person/people do you trust the most? My mom. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? My parents, sisters, my nieces and nephew, Sara... A lot of people, if I'm being honest. I don't value my life as much as I should. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? I am DESPERATE to rescue an opossum one day. :''''( What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? I have no idea. Have you ever felt seriously violated? No. Do you watch American Horror Story? I adore(d) the first season; it was mine and Jason's "show." We watched most of season two as well, but I lost interest in the later half of it. I haven't really watched it since, save for the pilot episode of some season I forgot. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? Not to my knowledge. What’s the scariest nightmare you remember having? Something involving my dad that I won't speak about. Pancakes or French toast? Oh my god, French toast. That sounds delicious rn. Are there any apps you’re addicted to? Not addicted, nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? Yes; it was a bunny holding a multicolor polka-dotted blanket. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Hell yeah. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? No. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Just black. What font do you usually use? I mean, it depends on what I'm doing. Is it supposed to appear professional? Aesthetically pleasing? It varies too much to answer this with one font. What about font colors? Usually just black, but again, it depends on what I'm writing. Are you good at making graphics or designing layouts? Ha, no. Do you put gel or mousse in your hair? No. Sleep with just one pillow? No, I use two. I am VERY uncomfortable with just one. Ever woke up crying? Yeah, from nightmares. Do you like big dogs or small dogs better? It depends on the breed and their energy level. I don't really prefer one over the other as a general judgment. Are you going to graduate high school on time? I did. Been to the zoo lately? No, but I'd love to go. :/ Now that I'd consider myself at least a pretty decent photographer, I'd love to see what shots I could take. I LOVE photographing animals with how unpredictable they are. It's like playing the lottery; you really don't know what you're going to get, but you have the chance for seriously priceless moments. Even if we could afford the trip, though, I know I wouldn't last long whatsoever with my legs being as weak as gelatine. I know especially that there's a notable incline in the path, and I'd never make it up it. I really, really look forward to the day where I can really start feeling a difference in my body thanks to the gym. Have you ever been to Mississippi? No. What did you do for your last birthday? We went to The Cheesecake Factory. Do you like to cook? No. What is the worst thing that has happened to you in your entire life? If I'm looking at the big picture and what truly damaged my pleasure in life the most, it'd be developing depression and such intense anxiety. I've given up so much and changed so negatively because of it. Do you know when your next family reunion will be? We've never had one. My family is too spread out. What is your favorite thing to do with your significant other? I'm single, but even in a relationship, I love playing video games together. I've got multiple memories of just having a great time doing that. Where is “home” for you? Wherever Mom is. Is there an animal that creeps you out? Whale sharks, maggots and other bug larvae, centipedes, many beetles, and some other bugs. What is the name of the last band you discovered? Uhhh.. good question. I admittedly don't listen to new music a lot. I tend to stick to the stuff I know. Do you prefer group projects, or would you prefer to work alone? I would rather kick my ankle against a Razer scooter than do a group project. Have you ever been to Hooters? No. Do you have a brother? What’s his name? Yeah, Robert, but everyone calls him "Bobby." Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? About a billion times. I still do sometimes. Do you have a ceiling fan located in your bedroom? Yes. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No, but I was supposed to visit one in the fourth grade. The water was way too aggressive that day, though, so we had a change of plans and went to a closer island. Hell, it might have been the better option, because it had horses. I remember collecting seashells, too, and just watching the power of the ocean hammer at the shores. It was really pretty. Have you ever been bitten by an animal? Only playfully, like by a cat. Well wait, I think my old baby iguana may have bitten me once (he sure tried to, ha ha), but I don't remember for sure. Did it rain today? Yes. It rains pretty much every afternoon here in the late summer. What was the name of the last dog you pet? Zeke, my sister's German shepherd. He's adorable. Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? No. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? I pretty much always hug my friends when I see them. I'm a big hugger. Have you ever witnessed a tornado? No, thank the fucking Lord. Who is your favorite person to talk to when you’re down? Sara. What are you listening to right now? "Blood For Blood" by Powerwolf. Can you get over people easy? Hell no. I do NOT handle loss well AT ALL. And not just romantically. What was the last thing you carried to your room? A drink. Do you drink water that comes from your sink? Only once it's been filtered. Have you ever prank called the police? That is fucking awful. No. What’s your LEAST favorite smiley? XD looks so stupid to me I'm sorry lmao xD reigns supreme. Do you like Italian food? Yeah, more than I used to. Have you ever put red lipstick on just to make lip marks on something? No. Do you watch Shane Dawson on YouTube? Isn't his career pretty much toast now? I DID used to love his videos, though. I still occasionally watch his fiance, though, and he pops up sometimes. Regardless of everything, I still think he's funny as fuck. Would you ever spend a day to see what it’s like to be homeless? NOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO. I am TERRIFIED of living on the streets someday. I want NO idea what it's like. Is the house you’re currently living in over 50 years old? I highly doubt that. Have you ever had a yard sale? Many. What is your favorite color? Baby pink. Did you have a good day or a bad day? Today was extreeeemely dull and felt like it lasted eons. Do you know anyone that has/had cancer? I sadly know maaaaany. Have you ever read somebody else’s diary? No, that is incredibly rude. Do you enjoy going to school? I hated it from start to end. Like I have good memories, but overall, I hated school. Were you a big jump roper back in the day? OHHHH YES. I almost learned how to double-dutch, even. I could jump with two ropes, but not jump in with two. Are you a local celebrity? Definitely not. Do you eat candy daily? No. I'm already fat dude, I don't need candy. I avoid candy as best as I can. Do you get nervous with public speaking? Like you would not believe. How old were you when you got your driver's license (if you have it)? I'm 25 and still don't have it. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you? Yes. What memory are you most afraid of losing? Meh, I don't know. A lot of what I consider my "favorite" memories I'd honestly be better off losing, probably. Who accompanied you to your first concert? My mom, younger sister, and Jason. Would you rather have tickets to see your favorite band in concert, or $100 to go shopping? TAKE ME TO THE OZZY CONCERT. What do you usually eat for breakfast? It really varies. I'd say cereal most often, probably? Do you wish you were more outgoing? Yeah. Do you know anyone who wears a hearing aid? I don't think so?

Blood and Chocolate: An Adaptation in Name Only

Previously: Section 0 - Introduction

Section 1 – The Book

Preface: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is DENSE.  The paperback only spans 264 pages, but the story follows the coming of age of a dynamic and flawed female protagonist, encompasses ancient werewolf legends and laws, goes in depth into lycanthropic politics, and also features a love triangle, a teenage soap opera, a forbidden romance, and a goddamned murder mystery.

Summary: Vivian Gandillon is a 15-year-old werewolf.  A year after her father was killed in the fire that destroyed their home, Vivian is lost and grieving while her leaderless pack falls apart in the Maryland suburbs that they fled to.  Aiden, a tall, gentle human classmate attracts her attention and presents Vivian an escape from the tangled, animalistic world of werewolves.  Keeping her lycanthropy secret, Vivian begins to date Aiden, defying the laws of her people.   Vivian is pressured to break things off by her mother, her five delinquent age-mates, and the would-be leader, Gabriel. Gabriel, a 24 year-old welder, is attractive, intimidating and the object of intense romantic competition.  He, more than any other, tries to convince Vivian that her dalliance with a human is dangerous, eventually revealing that he speaks from painful personal experience. The story twists and turns, tearing Vivian and Aiden apart while pulling Vivian and Gabriel together.  In the end, through many trials, Vivian discovers that she can’t escape either her human or her animal nature, and must embrace both.  

Themes: Vivian’s central character arc finds her struggling with what she wants as opposed to what she needs.  At the opening of the novel, Vivian wants to escape the violent chaos of her pack, with its painful history and uncertain future. She finds that escape in Aiden, with his Beaver Cleaver family, his lovably quirky friends, and his sweetness and simplicity.   However, when the time comes to reveal the hidden aspects of her identity, Aiden can’t handle it.  Despite his supernatural curiosity, he cannot accept the supernatural when it presents itself to him.  His rejection sends Vivian into a tailspin of self-destruction that only ends when she accepts the love that Gabriel is offering, a love that honors all of what she is.  To ultimately find happiness, Vivian had to give up what she wanted and embrace what she needed. In addition to this, there is also a great deal of time in the novel spent contrasting the human and the animal sides of Vivian’s nature.  Her two suitors Aiden and Gabriel represent, respectively, the human and the animal. Scenes of Vivian socializing with Aiden and his human friends are juxtaposed with scenes of Vivian’s werewolf pack brutally vying for dominance.  The very title of the book is a reference to this dichotomy, Blood – representing Vivian’s animal desires, and Chocolate – representing Vivian’s human longings.   Throughout the novel, Vivian swings between these two extremes, at one point drinking herself into a heartbroken stupor over Aiden, then blacking out and waking up in her bed next to a severed hand. She tries, in her romance with Aiden, to balance her human and animal sides, but she only achieves that balance with Gabriel, a partner who also exists in the grey area between man and beast.

Highs: These are the aspects of the novel have captivated my imagination and kept this book in my collection for so long.

o   Werewolf Society:  It’s a damn shame that Klause hasn’t written more stories within this framework, because it is absolutely ripe for exploration and development.  The enormous potential here is one of the primary reasons why this book has held my fascination for so long and why I have written so much (published and unpublished) fanfiction for it.

o   Flawed Characters: No one who’s read the book will tell you that Vivian is perfect or even likeable 100% of the time, but it fits with her characterization as a grieving, lost teenager and serves to make her all the more like an actual person.  Most of the characters are like that, with their good qualities balanced or sometimes overwhelmed by their less savory sides.  It makes the fictional world feel richer and more realistic, despite the supernatural elements.

o   Consequences: The characters in this novel make real, awful mistakes, and they face lasting consequences for them.  One of Vivian’s mistakes – maiming Astrid while defending her mother, directly leads to Vivian’s ex, Rafe, getting sucked into Astrid’s revenge plot, leading to Vivian being framed for murder and the eventual executions of both Rafe and Astrid, during which Vivian is accidentally shot by Aiden.  

CONSEQUENCES!   They make the story more believable, more suspenseful, and this novel, with its cast of flawed characters, would not have worked without them.

o   Assertive Female Protagonist: Vivian is refreshingly frank about her desires, which is very noticeable in her courtship with Aiden.  Aiden assumes that he has to advance their physical relationship slowly so as to not frighten or offend Vivian, while Vivian urges him on.  She doesn’t hesitate when going after what she wants, and she’s not ashamed of her sexuality.  It’s a welcome change from the restrictions that western society places on female desire, and I’d like to see more characters like her.

Lows:  Blood and Chocolate is far from perfect, but, in my opinion, there are three glaring flaws in this book, and I would be remiss if I didn’t address them.

o   The Esme Question: The first point is one that, once seen, cannot be unseen. Vivian’s mother, Esme, is one of the women competing for Gabriel’s affections at the beginning of the novel.  It is established that they go on dates (“Saw your mother go into Tooley’s bar with Gabriel last night.” p. 18), but Klause is not explicit about how far their relationship has gone.  This ambiguity leaves open a potentially disturbing possibility:  

It is canonically possible that Gabriel had a sexual relationship with Esme and then moved on to sexually pursue her daughter, Vivian.

Personally, I can reasonably believe that Gabriel and Esme never progressed beyond idle flirting because:

a.       Vivian strikes me as the type of person who would mark her mother’s sexual partners as “off limits”.

b.       Up until just past the Ordeal scene, both Esme and Astrid are still fighting over Gabriel, implying that neither of them had really “won” him.  

c.       The possibility outlined above seems like it would be a bridge too far to be included in a YA novel, especially in the 90′s.  

Your mileage may vary.  I’ve seen reviews of the book whose negative ratings hinge on the fact that Gabriel dated Esme at all, irrespective of whether their relationship was sexual or not.  Honestly?  I can’t blame them.  If the mere existence of this possibility squicks you out, then it’s likely going to sour the ending and ruin the rest of the book for you.

o   The Age Differences: The second point is the least defensible. At the end of the novel, Vivian is 16 and Gabriel is 24.  That minor/adult 8 year age gap constitutes a “yikes” in my part of the world.  Klause skirts this by establishing that werewolf society has some stark differences with human society, namely that a 16 year old female is considered an adult by werewolf law.  This is still a rather uncomfortable detail to be included in an American YA novel, and the older I get, the more uncomfortable it becomes.

In addition to the Vivian/Gabriel age gap, there is the even wider Astrid/Rafe age gap. Rafe is Vivian’s ex and age mate, although there are reasons to assume that he is slightly older than her.  This places him somewhere in a probable 16-18 age range. He is canonically younger than 21, which makes him, according to werewolf law, not yet an adult.  Astrid has a son who is also Vivian’s age, which places Astrid somewhere in her late 30’s to mid 40’s.  In the book, Astrid and Rafe have a sexual relationship.

To be fair to Klause, this is framed in the novel as being toxic and ultimately destructive to both Astrid and Rafe.  Near the end of the story, Rafe finally realizes that Astrid has been taking advantage of him, turning Rafe, in my opinion, into a tragic victim of manipulation.  

Let me leave this segment with a PSA:

If you’re reading this and you’re underage, please don’t enter into a “relationship” with an adult.  The adults in these scenarios in the real world are predators, and they’re preying on your inexperience and naïveté.  They know that you probably won’t recognize relationship red flags and they think they can pressure you into doing unsafe and unhealthy things in the name of “love”. Stay safe, kids!

o   Sexual Harassment:   My third and final low point is one that I have very mixed feelings about.  As a result, this is the longest segment of this post, so strap in. In the novel, many of the interactions between Vivian and male characters are inappropriately sexual.  The most egregious offenders are the Five, Gabriel, and Aiden’s father. The Five, Vivian’s male werewolf peers, are crass, rude and arrogant.  Led by Rafe, they display a lot of entitlement for Vivian’s affections.  The most pointed (and gross) of these displays happens on p.41:

“You’re not Princess Wolf now,” Rafe growled behind her.  “Wait too long and we’ll take what we want.” 

That?  Yeah, that’s a direct rape threat!  Rafe also goes on to grope Vivian at her birthday party.  He’s a peach!   Gabriel’s harassment mostly takes the form of unwanted advances.  It peaks after the Ordeal, the battle royale where Vivian accidentally wins the right to be Gabriel’s mate.  In the aftermath, Gabriel corners Vivian in her kitchen, forces a non-consensual kiss on her and declares his intentions to court her.   Aiden’s father is notable in the contrast he provides.  Vivian only interacts with him once, when Aiden invites her to a family cookout. During this scene, he repeatedly leers at her, makes suggestive comments and on p. 79:

Vivian could hear the innuendo in Mr. Teague’s voice.  It made her skin crawl.

However, if you compare Mr. Teague’s harassment to Gabriel, the Five and others, you’ll find that there is a significant difference in Vivian’s reaction.  Vivian isn’t afraid to bite back at the Five’s harassment – scoring vivid revenge for Rafe’s groping when she injures his genitals.  She tries to do the same to Gabriel when he forces a kiss on her, but he relents on his own.   We see a similar dynamic when Esme snaps at Bucky, another male werewolf, who catcalls her in a bar.  This forms a pattern which suggests that forceful sexuality is a feature of werewolf culture.  Vivian confirms this the first time that she and Aiden kiss on p. 51:

“He was gentle.  She hadn’t expected that.  Kisses to her were a tight clutch, teeth, and tongue.”

And this is where my mixed feelings come in. I don’t condone the harassment that Vivian experiences, but I understand why Klause wrote it.  Any author writing inhuman characters can’t simply tell us that they are inhuman, they have to show it.  The forceful sexuality of the werewolf characters in this book is one way that Klause clearly shows that they are NOT human and serves as a contrast to the human characters.   But where does Aiden’s dad fit into this?  His harassment is milder than the Five’s or Gabriel’s, but it disgusts Vivian in a way that the other harassment didn’t.  Why?  Sexual harassment seems to be a constant feature of her pack life.  This isn’t even the only time that an older man leers at her – on p. 115, in the same scene where Esme gets catcalled:

Some of those male eyes strayed to Vivian, too, and she preened at the thought of being a threat.

That’s a far cry from the skin-crawling disgust she felt with Mr. Teague, but it’s basically the same offense.  What’s different?  We find it in a conversation with him on p. 74:

“I would think a girl like you would go out with someone older.” He winked at Vivian. Like someone your age?  Vivian thought, repelled by the man’s lack of loyalty to his son.

Vivian’s disgust stems from the fact that the man flirting with her is her boyfriend’s father.  She’s shown to welcome sexual attention from other older men, and she has no problems handling more overt harassment, but the paternal disloyalty sickens her. The overt sexual harassment is there, and if it makes it impossible for you to enjoy the book, I don’t blame you.  Your feelings are valid, and I’m not going to tell you that you’re wrong.  Personally, I understand the authorial reasoning behind its inclusion, and its utility as a characterization tool, so it doesn’t prevent me from enjoying the story. Your mileage may vary.

Verdict: The 1997 novel Blood and Chocolate is flawed, but fascinating.  It sets multifaceted characters into a tantalizing world of men and monsters, where the line between good and evil is blurred into nonexistence.  It is, despite its problematic elements, my favorite book.

Next: Section 2 - Adaptation Challenges