murder or idiot were the only viable options

CONRGRATS!!!! 300 followers is so cool I’m so happy for you! :D

for the fics, what inspired rise & shine and what possessed you to write Round One and The short(s) Struggle

from this milestone post / rise & shine / round one / the short(s) struggle

I am excited about explaining all of these, they are all so special to me omg elliot thank u for sending them in <3

also loving that you asked what possessed me, bc honestly I have no idea :D but whatever it was, it needs to do it again right now

rise & shine was written purely out of spite and 1000000% towards summer bc she was being a little shit and I was feeling evil.

exhibit A:

once summer told me she thought george was the meanest, I went with sap with the lee bc I hc both of them with horribly sensitive thighs, so it was always gonna be between snf since the target spot I had in mind....was thighs (gee I wonder why???????)

after that I kind of blacked out and wrote it. It was done pretty quickly, like I've mentioned before I'm way more motivated to finish something when it's targeted at someone else! (: it's just more fun and it doesn't really feel like I'm pressured to finish it or anything bc I want to sooooo bad anyways! and like I did with my other fics targeted at summer (yes there are multiple! :D) I just included things I knew got to her, and bam, good reactions!

exhibit B & C:

so yeah, this is why rise & shine was made! there was no planning in advance, nothing leading up to writing the fic, it was simply bc summer was being a little shit and I was feeling evil enough to write a reaaaaaally mean fic at her <3

I do it purely for the "MUSHIE", which I have sooooo many screenshots saved of <3

- - - - - - - -

okay......round one. okay. look. this was also for lee!george week, and it was born bc I NEEDED to do an intense tk day. it's just my branding, I needed them to destroy poor lil georgie ):

it's a litttttttttle bit self indulgent Im not gonna lie. a lot of what was written was from possibly personal experience, and I really just tried to write a lot of what I thought would be super intense tks for george (I also added in lil digs at someone but I will not be naming who <3)

I wanted to explore things that I hadn't publicly posted yet, like oil and some specific tools. I actually had a lot more plans for this fic, a lot more spots and tools and techniques, but I was running out of time, and left it off so I could revisit it as a sequel (which I absolutely am, I already have some plans written out)

but uh....mostly this one was self indulgent. I can't even lie about it, it was definitely written for me (and a few other people) more than anything 🫠

that's all I'm saying about round one (: <333333

- - - - - - - -

short struggle!!!! my tiny sap in his tiny shorts!!!!! literally was inspired by the tiny shorts he was wearing when he streamed a clothing haul when he was in LA <3 my brain chemistry has never been the same since <3

like….look at him???????

I have been saying this for half of my fics but like….I really was just mindless when I wrote this? I saw sap thighs and immediately got the idea for dream and george to latch on and never ever EVERRRRRRRR let go <3

sap is so tiny and small and a baby panda, and normally I love when people are sweet to him, but I just needed him to get his shit absolutely ROCKED in this, I have no explanation really, just that my brain went insane and I made dnf do what I wanna do to him :3

this was cals reaction in the middle of me writing the fic btw:

“why me!?” is one of my favorite lil dialogues I’ve written for sap just bc I can hear it so clearly in his lil raspy voice through his lil raspy giggles with his lil nose scrunch <3

short(s) struggle was purely bc sap couldn’t help but show off his thighs on stream, and i couldn’t help but destroy them <3333333

Bisou

Summary: Sometimes, you just gotta write the boys making out.

Rating: T

Warnings: Lil spicy, but only a lil. Mentions of vampirism...obviously. It wouldn’t be out of place in the actual manga.

Notes: Yep. This is short and cute, hence the more cutesy title.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

In retrospect, he should have known this was how he would die.

A normal, blessedly clear, and warm morning like any other. Calm and peaceful—a day where he could’ve watched the sky without worry or fear. The kind of day where getting far from his thoughts was most imperative and yet, the necessary means proved most elusive.

There was only one path ahead, and it was through the same window. A room he peered into inquisitively, as cautious as one best regard the depths of one’s soul. Inside that room—

Noé Archiviste stirs awake. He’s half tumbled off the bed, grasping onto a pillow like a lifeline. His amethyst eyes blink through drowsiness and formulae, and when he yawns, it’s an exposure of pearly white fangs.

This was, most certainly, the start of his downfall. Perhaps, it was predestined.

“Vanitas,” Noé murmurs, reaching up to rub the sleep from his gaze. “B...Bonjour.”

“Bonjour,” he returns, unimpressed. “Do you plan on staying like that all day?”

Noé yawns again, adjusting so that the rest of his body was off the bed. All on the floor, still holding onto that pillow, the sheets askew... What a hopeless sight.

Vanitas clicks his tongue in irritation and, honestly, he should be on his way rather than bothering with this dim-witted vampire, but...

“Vanitas... May I ask you something?”

A low mumble just as he was about to turn on his heel. A shiver went down his back, and it wasn’t due to the breeze from outside. Vanitas sucks in his breath irritably.

“What is it?”

“A dream,” Noé goes on mumbling. “I had a dream...and I wanted to ask.”

“Ask what?” Vanitas demands, with a hint of a scowl.

“About...”

Vanitas turns to look back. Like a foolish bird, captivated by Noé opening his mouth. By Noé pursing his lips.

“Kissing.” Noé blinks a few times, his stare sharpening as he holds his chin up high. “What is it like, Vanitas?”

This was how he would die.

And he had laughed in the face of it, of course, only fizzling when Noé looked so serious.

“Ah, hell,” he grumbles and squats before the other, meeting that violet gaze with comparable intensity. “What brought this about, Noé?”

“Fleeting curiosity!” Noé exclaims, and there’s that irritating sparkle in his stare. The kind where Vanitas knows he’s going to make himself an irritant soon. “This is a matter you’re informed of, yes?”

“Fleeting curiosity,” Vanitas repeats with no shortage of annoyance. He shakes his head. “You can’t simply ask the de Sade woman? I’m sure she would love...”

“I’ve kissed people before, of course,” Noé says. “That includes Domi.”

Temper, temper, Vanitas told himself, but his gut still flared so disdainfully at the thought.

“Then—!”

“That!” Noé exclaims now. “Was different! Those kisses were...” Noé pauses, lips pursing again. No, Vanitas shouldn’t stare. He shouldn’t... “Those were different. They were closed. Aren’t there also open-mouthed kisses?”

Those ivory fangs once again poke out. Vanitas remembers something insignificant.

That Noé has kissed him, albeit while hopelessly, wretchedly inebriated. It was a celebration, he was told. It was a sign of happiness. Gratitude. The bastard nearly crushed him in the prison of his arms and then—

“That woman would love being the one to teach you this,” Vanitas spits out.

“But you are the one I’m asking, Vanitas,” Noé retorts like it’s that simple. “And I’ve seen you kissed Jeanne that way before, so I know you’re experienced.”

Stupid.

 “What’s it like?” Noé then asks, all wide-eyed innocence. “Isn’t it rather...messy?”

“Urgh!” He could scream. He should. “Asking such questions the second you wake—!” He stops himself. He breathes in. Breathes out. Grumbles. Groans. Noé still waits for his answer so attentively. It’s as infuriating as it was flustering. “Of course it’s messy. You use your t...tongue...after all.”

“How curious!” Noé exclaims. “But it is enjoyable?”

“I-In a manner of... Yes...” Vanitas forces himself to nod along even as he dreads each passing moment. “It is...erotic. At times divine. Though not quite like...”

Being drank from, his mind finishes, and he eyes Noé’s fangs again. He tries not to grimace. This would’ve been much easier with Jeanne. She’d get all adorably huffy and agitated. Easy to pick at. Easy to tease. Easy to lord control over.

“Hm,” Noé ponders, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “I wonder if I would agree.”

The thought of Noé pulling that wretched de Sade close...

He dreads each passing moment, but there are certain vices he would rather embrace over certain undesirable scenarios.

“Vanitas?”

Noé is looking at him so inquisitively. Intent. Intense.

I would rather die than he look at another that way.

Forcing out a sigh, Vanitas succumbs to his death.

“Shall I show you, then?”

“Please do!”

--

It starts as such: Noé seating himself on the bed. Still dressed so indecently in rumpled sleepwear. Shamelessly vibrating with excitement. Vanitas having to channel as much restraint as he could to not bite the inside of his cheek or lips.

If Noé drank his blood, Vanitas would have to kill him. And that—would be quite rude when Vanitas was the one who offered this. Still... Still.

“Stay completely still, Noé.”

“D’accord,” Noé chirps, perhaps in an attempt to be cheeky. To lighten the mood.

(It almost had the opposite effect. If their roles were reversed and if Vanitas was the vampire, he doesn’t think he’d be able to hold himself back from ravaging this fool on the spot.)

Vanitas sighs again, reaching out to settle himself on Noé’s shoulders. Noé is smiling up at him so sweetly. So trustingly. Ugh.

Sickening, he internally quips. But this is so Noé doesn’t look at anyone else like that. Especially not that wretch.

Stop stalling. He needs—to stop stalling.

Dieu, he thinks, seeing his wretched self now reflected back in the sparkling jewels of Noé’s stare. His hand flies over to cover Noé’s eyes, and while Noé gasps softly, he’s still so pliant. Still so obedient as Vanitas swoops in even if it’s to pause when there’s only a scant few centimeters.

He still has to be gentle. Even if it’s by accident, he can’t allow himself to be pricked.

I don’t want to kill him. I don’t...want to hurt him, either.

Slowly. Gently.

“Remember. Don’t move, Noé. Don’t even breathe.”

He presses his mouth to Noé’s parted lips.

For a moment, he doesn’t breathe either. But he can’t die yet, sliding his lips into place, keeping everything together even against the texture of Noé’s mouth. Dry, but largely soft. Firm.

Warm like a furnace even as Noé dutifully remained still as a statue. It perhaps should have been a tad disconcerting—except Vanitas could feel the unsteady hammering of Noé’s heart when he pressed his hand to the other’s chest.

Noé is still pliant. Rather than mouthing off or resisting, his mouth opens so obediently. Nothing to swallow or weather, just a simple passage.

Noé trusts him.

That knowledge burns like a scar on his heart, and he slips inside Noé Archiviste before he loses his nerve. He explores with caution, prodding gently at the flat teeth and being mindful to avoid the fangs. It’s annoying. He wouldn’t have to make such concessions with Jeanne—

But Noé tasted so sweet on his tongue. He’s already thinking back to Noé flushed with delight and a mouth full of cake. He laps away any remnants of sugar, sinking deeper into that velvety heat, and he himself delights in the conspicuous way Noé suppresses a shiver.

It’s addicting. There’s no denying his own pooling and building warmth, the predatory desire to ravage and reap one’s pleasures from such a willing, beautiful body. The monstrous desire to take such beauty between his teeth and—

He pulls off Noé with a wet smack. Saliva still connects their lips. A precarious bridge, much in character with the mingling of humans and vampires.

Noé’s cheeks are dyed with red, his amethyst eyes half-lidded and dazed. His tongue darts out, and Vanitas nearly shudders.

He furiously wipes Noé’s mouth dry after that.

“And that—is a French kiss,” he huffs. Noé blinks up at him, back to his usual wide-eyed innocence. “Has your curiosity been sated?”

“I’m not quite sure,” Noé admits. “I feel—I may need to experience it again, Vanitas.”

This innocent-eyed fool was still a beast. But were Vanitas not human—

There’s no telling what I’d do to him.

Ah, but.

You shouldn’t underestimate a human, even when dealing with a vampire.

“D’accord.”

SFW Alphabet||Nanami Kento

A/N: A lil sumn sumn for the Nanami stans, yall have impeccable taste. I was gonna release an NSFW alphabet, but since this one was requested, I’ll post this first. Featuring a bit of rambling (srry I’ve got Nanami brainrot ig + I was tired writing some parts) as well as Gojo and Mahito slander!! 

Ft. a gender neutral reader

Word Count: 2888

A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

First thing is, he’s not big on PDA, while he does give affection liberally, especially when it’s through his actions, Nanami prefers to keep his gestures of love private. In private however, he shows his affection in a myriad of ways. One of his favorites being helping you with your hair, the act not only makes him feel closer to you but it also allows for him to take care of you, one of his favorite things to do.

B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Nanami is definitely the best friend that is reliable. Sure he’s reliable as a friend, the two of you likely became friends initially due to this, but what makes you his best friend is returning that same energy. It’s draining to always be the one holding everything together, just once, Nanami would like to have a shoulder to lean on. Once you become that for him, it won’t be long before the two of you become best friends.

C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddles with Nanami are so warm and safe regardless of if you’re the little spoon or not. His cuddles are also littered with kisses because when he’s tired, he gets a lot more open with his affection. He doesn’t usually talk when he cuddles but if he has a nightmare and you wake up to sooth him, the sound of your voice alone sets him at ease. 

D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Nanami definitely wants to settle down. It’s canon that he’s only working so that he can make enough to retire early. If you’re the breadwinner, or even if he somehow makes enough to retire, he’s going into full house husband mode and no one can tell him otherwise. If it were up to him, he’d do all the cooking, cleaning, and home upkeep while you go out and work. But alas, life is cruel, and as such, he still enjoys cooking and cleaning but the chores are split between you two. Cooking however, is usually a team project, either the both of you make a meal and clean it together afterwards or one cooks and the other does the dishes, either way, it’s perfect for the two of you.

E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Nanami is at his core, a very mathematical and precise person. His cursed technique is literally a ratio, because of that, he prefers to breakup with people as cleanly as possible. His breakups tend to sound like they’re following a script because of how to the point he is. When breaking up with you, he just bluntly states that he doesn’t see your relationship as beneficial going forward. Literally the most neutral way to break up with someone, how you’d choose to take it though is up to you.

F: Fiance(e) (How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Nanami is the type of person to just elope or have a small ceremony between the two of you. He doesn’t care much for the paperwork or ceremonial side of it, and he is definitely the type of person who just says “You know we’re getting married someday right?”. From that point forward (if you’re ok with it) he’d basically introduce you as his spouse, when questioned though, he just goes “Ah, we’re not married yet.” He’s not shy about commitment though, his dream life is just living in the countryside with his spouse and maybe some animals, he’s a simple man. Not to say that he’s not going to officially propose though, because he will once he finds something good enough to propose with, it’s just that the two of you are “married” before actually being married.

G: Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Nanami is a gentle soul deep down. He cares about those he loves very deeply and would throw his life on the line to protect them. Emotionally, Nanami is always extremely respectful of your feelings. Even things as simple as ranting feel safe, almost like his very presence is cradling you. He’s also very open with you in return, despite his usual deadpan tone, he never hesitates to tell you of his thoughts and feelings once you both trust each other. Physically, Nanami is also extremely gentle. He loves to lavish you in soft touches and kisses. His most common spots for kisses are your nose and forehead. 

H: Hugs( Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Depending on your clumsiness, this may topple you, but Nanami likes to lean into you when giving hugs. His shoulders decompress ad he unconsciously just sinks into you without warning. Now if you’re prepared/ stable enough, you might stumble a little but overall you’ll be fine. If you’re clumsy or not expecting it... let’s hope that there’s something soft behind you because Nanami’s going down with you.

I: I love you (How fast do they say the L-word)

Nanami is very slow to say that he loves you. It’s not that he’s oblivious or doesn’t realize he loves you, once he realizes, he just accepts that as a fact. It’s simply that he gets wrapped up in his own head, worrying about if you love him too, if he’s being too forward, etc. If you confess first, he’ll have a much easier time admitting it (although he may not immediately respond with ‘I love you too’), but if you leave it up to him...you’ll be waiting a while.

J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

Pretty much all of Nanami’s jealousy comes from the beginning of your relationship when he was a lot more insecure about the place he had in your life. When he would get jealous, he’d just kind of stew in it. It was obvious though that he was jealous and pouting at you and whoever was making him jealous. Later on in your relationship though, he doesn’t get jealous, try as you might. He knows that he’s your partner (a fact that the both of you have affirmed thousands of times) and that no one will come between the two of you. 

K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Nanami’s kisses are like melting butter, they’re so smooth and gradually they just get more intense until he pulls away and you’re left dizzy. He’s so firm with his kisses too, he always has to be touching you in some way. Whether it be holding your face or resting his hand against the small of your back, Nanami’s kisses may leave you weak in the knees, but he’ll catch you if you fall.

L: Little ones (How are they around children)

Nanami’s really good with children but in the dad way where you’ll come back and see him and the child both sitting on the couch watching TV. Not to say that he’s lazy with kids but he tends to just let the kid do whatever. If the kid wants Nanami to wear a tutu and do the chicken dance, why not? If the kid wants Nanami to list off animal facts while Nanami listens, sure. Hell, even if the kid just wants to use him as a tablet holder, he’s cool with that. He’s good with kids because he just lets them be kids.

M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Nanami depend on what the both of you have scheduled for the day. In Nanami’s perfect world, he’d spend the day relaxing with you at home, however, he understands that realistically the both of you have obligations. If it’s a work day for both of you, he’s made a small breakfast and something to drink. If it’s his day off, he spends a little more time laying in bed with you, enjoying the time before you have to leave. If the both of you have the day off, he spends a lot more time on breakfast (not including the extra time he’ll spend in bed with you), plating and serving you before himself and then listening to you talk about your day as he eats.

N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Contrary to popular belief, Nanami prefers to come home at a reasonable time and spend his nights with you. Honestly, he’d prefer to just live the house husband lifestyle, but hey, rent in Tokyo is expensive so he doesn’t mind if both of you are working. But because of the fact that he’s working, when he comes home, he sticks to a routine. Said routine consists of either cooking dinner together or ordering takeout, watching tv, and ending the night with cuddling. He’s a simple man, even if you don’t stick to the routine, as long as he gets to hold you when it comes time to sleep, he’s good.

O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

It really depends; if you’re a jujutsu sorcerer or even just aware of the supernatural, you’d already either know or have a general idea of his abilities/the world he comes from. If you’re a non-jujutsu sorcerer however, Nanami gets kind of nervous because he doesn’t want you to think he’s crazy. Ideally, if you’re a non-sorcerer, he’d never tell you about that aspect of himself. It’s not like he doesn’t think you should know or even that he’s ashamed; it’s just that’s a chapter of his life that, unless relevant, he doesn’t think is important to know about. To him, it’s just a job, and he’d prefer if you thought of it that way too. 

P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Nanami is very patient. Not to say that he doesn’t get angry or upset, or even that he’s slow to feel these emotions, it’s just that he knows when’s the best time to express certain feelings. Even if he’s upset with you, he’s unlikely to lash out in an argument, preferring to cool down and then come back to talk it out in a constructive manner.

Q: Quizzes (How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Nanami is the most attentive boyfriend one could ever ask for. He remembers every small detail about you like it’s his full time job. He rarely gets the chance to show you all the little details he remembers about you, so he tends to do so in subtle (and practical) ways. For example, when shopping for furniture like dinnerware, he tends to get sets in colors that are either your favorite or that you picture in your “ideal” kitchen. However, when it comes to remembering details, nothing tops morning pre-work Nanami. He knows your morning routine like the back of his hand and he’ll have the coffee (or tea if coffee isn’t your thing) brewing before you can even wonder what’s for breakfast

R: Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

One night, Nanami came home from work dead tired. It was a shitty day overall, filled with deadlines that were suddenly moved up with no warning. As a result, he ended up coming home later than he wanted to, the thought of you waiting for him when he got home carrying him through the last round of paperwork. Everything was dark, and he’d assumed you went to bed. Imagine his surprise when he comes across a bath that you prepared for him with foam, flower petals, fragrances, all the works (it was still somewhat warm so you must’ve done this on his way back). All alongside a note that said ‘If you’re reading this, I’m probably asleep. But you’ve been working hard, take a break and enjoy yourself, Love you Ken.’ After a long day, your note put the warmest smile onto his face. He still keeps the note tucked away neatly in a box with other memories of your relationship.

S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

Aside from the obvious, because of course Nanami would want you to be safe from curses, he’s protective of you in terms of privacy. Sure, being private about his relationship with you means less curses that would know to use you as a weakness against him, but more importantly, Gojo. It’s not that he doesn’t trust the man, it’s just Gojo knows too much about him that could 1) embarrass him or 2) make you uncomfortable (Gojo’s personality isn’t for everyone.) If you already know/ know about Gojo however, any Gojo warding that you do will be greatly appreciated. If you manage to distract the sorcerer enough for Nanami to slip away, he’s forever grateful. Sure, Gojo gets pouty about Nanami’s avoidance but in his opinion, anyone who knew what he looked like in highschool needs to never speak with him again.

T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

If it wasn’t clear from the moment you started dating this man, Nanami doesn’t half ass relationships. The amount of effort he puts into spending time with you/ getting gifts for you ties back to his attentiveness mentioned earlier. Don’t even get him started on daily tasks because he loves doing small things for you to make your day easier. Even if your day is hard, he hopes that his small actions bring a smile to your face regardless. 

U: Ugly (What are some bad habits of theirs? (I’m gonna add arguments here because they aren’t on the prompt list I found))

Nothing he’s the perfect man jkjk. In all seriousness though, Nanami has a tendency to come off as a “mother knows best type”. It’s never intentional and it usually comes from him just trying to help you, but at the end of the day, he has a bad habit of taking over different tasks/speaking over you. Sometimes it’s nice, like at restaurants, he’ll already know your order. Other times it’s overbearing, for example, if you buy something irresponsible, here comes captain Nanami to remind you about the importance of economic spending habits and if your purchase was really “necessary”. Like, love you but can you leave me alone.

V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s very concerned with his looks. Nanami believes in a standard of appearance that he has to uphold, as such, although his general outfit/styling choices may seem simple, he’s extremely meticulous when it comes to his looks. He’s not the type for anything flashy but best believe he’s not wearing a three piece suit and $400 watch without being impeccably groomed and styled beforehand.

W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

No, Nanami doesn’t feel incomplete without you. He understands that the both of you are adults who had lives prior to this relationship. Not only does he enjoy his alone time, he’s also used to being without you for extended periods of time due to his job. All in all, Nanami is a firm believer in the phrase “hate to see them go, but I love to watch them leave.”

X: (E)xes (Any previous relationship experience. How does that factor into your current relationship?)

He has a few exes, all of them relationships that consisted primarily of sex or they were long-term relationships that didn’t go anywhere. After a while, he just kinda threw himself into work, so you’re his first relationship in quite some time. His past partners don’t really factor into your relationship aside from general lessons that he would’ve learned anyway such as; compromise, the value of alone time, showing appreciation for one’s partner.

Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner)

In general, he hates Mahito There aren’t many qualities in a partner that Nanami dislikes that aren’t already expected in a relationship (ex. boundaries, healthy communication, etc.). Overall, he just wants someone that understands when to give him space and when to give him affection, find that balance, and you’re golden. In general though, Nanami’s not really the type to have a specific standard that he looks for in a partner, he does have a tendency to seek out calmer people.

Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Not necessarily a habit (although he did this a lot more before the two of you started dating) but Nanami is used to all-nighters, no surprise there. An unintended consequence of that is that once he goes to sleep, he’s going down for at least a day. When he knocks out, it’s the type of sleep that leaves you dazed and wondering if you time-traveled after waking up. When he finally does wake up, please bring this man food and water, he needs it.

kinks with bts

genre: smut, do not interact if you’re under 18

warnings: unprotected sex, overstimulation, edging, spanking, blowjobs, eating out, face riding, fingering, cum play, masturbating, exhibition kink, begging, hint at bdsm, degradtion, praising, body worship, switch!bts, perhaps i’m a whore for these men

KIM SEOKJIN

this boy is kinkier than he looks beliEVE ME

he’ll tease you at first for sure

his taunting fingers tracing your exposed skin as he presses the tip of his hard cock against your neglected slit

he LOVES when you beg

“use your words sweetheart.”

he’ll have the most smug smirk on his face as you tug on his belt, desperate to feel some sort of friction against your aching heat

the cockiest lil shit ever

“you want me that bad baby?”

your needy little begs are his biggest weakness

he’ll purposely drag out your pleasure just to hear your sweet whines

also into spanking and that’s a fact

he’ll have you on your hands and knees, fingers softly brushing against the soft skin of your ass before B O O M

he loves seeing your your pretty skin turn completely raw

B I G on discipline

(only if you are too because our boy respects women 😔)

so you can expect some marks to be left if you disobey this man

fucking you in lingerie? big yes from him

he’ll buy the most expensive for you just to see how pretty his baby looks

pushes your panties aside and simply buries himself in your wet cunt, admiring how blissful you look taking his cock whole

MIN YOONGI

suga boy is a dom and that’s the tea sis

even when you’re riding this boys cock he’ll make sure you know who’s in charge

bruises on your hips for W E E K S

he is so into degradation

“does my little slut like that?”

“moan for me whore.”

the tiny whimper that follows from your pouty lips makes him go WILD

he loves the begging look in your eyes as denies your pleasure

his tongue will be tracing your clit, eyes locked with yours as he eagerly laps up your wetness

he’ll pull away once you’re about to cum, lips connecting with your own so you can you taste yourself on his tongue

won’t stop until you’re a sobbing mess beneath him

he LOVES taking you raw

the feeling of your warm heat clenched tightly around his pulsing cock almost sends him over the edge each time

this boy won’t hesitate in filling you up with his cum

the sight of your juices mixing together and running down the skin of your thigh is a sight he never wants to forget

also really likes oversimulation so you better believe he’ll be abusing that pussy relentlessly

JUNG HOSEOK

KINK CENTRAL

there’s nothing he loves more than intense, rough, kinky sex with his favourite girl

(besides pillow talk cause he’s a soft boy too)

he’ll admire you restrained on the bed, with your hands cuffed behind your back and your ass in the air

barely brushes his fingers against your begging clit and you’ll be squirming beneath him

he will make you wait an entirety to finally bury himself in your core

he just loves to hear your little begs and whimpers as his hands and lips trail down your figure

gives each one of your fingertips a soft kiss before reaching your leaking heat

he just loves eating you out

happily laps up your wetness and sucks on your folds as his fingers pump into your tight hole

THE SMALLEST OF PRAISES

“you taste amazing honey.”

“such a good girl for me.”

practically worships every inch of your body

no part of you is left neglected

he’s also such a giver

gets so much satisfaction from making you feel good

KIM NAMJOON

he’ll bring out the daddy kink in you that you never knew you had

very much into rough play

i mean bruises and marks covering your entire body the next day

he also L I V E S for when you try to take control

he loves a strong woman inside in the bedroom and out

but that doesn’t mean this man is a sub

you better believe he will use you as his personal fucktoy

always makes you masturbate before he even thinks about touching you

he just wants to see you whine for him

intensely watches with hunger in his eyes as you circle your sensitive clit, eyes never leaving your fingers as soft begs leave your lips

most of the time he’ll ignore your desperate pleas for pleasure

“patience my sweet girl.”

however, other times the straining of his cock becomes hard to ignore and he’ll roughly replace your hand with his own

and he will NOT show you any mercy

brings you to the edge so many times

there will be tear stains on your cheeks before his cock even brushes against your cunt

PARK JIMIN

istg he’s a sex addict when it comes to you

he’s so happy that he finally sound someone who’s into the same kinks that he is

he L O V E S using toys on you

any chance he gets he’ll sneakily slip a small vibrator into your panties

just so he can make you squirm in public

he loves how frustrated you get as he smirks in your direction, wiggling his eyes in amusement

he’ll make the vibrations more intense when you’re talking to someone

seeing you bite your lip and choke on your words while ignoring the immense pleasure cause his cock to strain against his trousers

TEASING TO THE MAX

he loves winking and biting his lips suggestively

hoping that you’ll drag him to the nearest empty room and get on your knees for him

he’ll succumb to your every demand

such a switch

want him on his knees lapping up every last bit of your juices? He’ll eagerly oblige

or want him to abuse every single one of your holes without mercy? Don’t have to ask him twice

he’s huge into receiving

like he wants his cock in your mouth 24/7  

he’ll argue to his deathbed that there’s no prettier sight than you mouth stuffed full of his dick

he’ll make sure to reward you each time for being a good girl

KIM TAEHYUNG 

taehyung is the god of kinks

it would honestly be hard for you to find something he’s not into

he’s constantly horny for you

so public sex is a big part of both your lives

he’ll literally be about to go on stage and he’ll drag you to an empty dressing room

just so he can have the taste of you on his lips while preforming

HE LOVES CHOKING YOU

the way your body arches into his and the small moans that leave your lips when he applies pressure to the sides of your neck gets him so excited

he loves how you clench around his hard cock when his hands around your throat

he will ruin you for sure

always enters you slowly, just to savour the feeling of you tight cunt stretching around his dick and completely engulfing him

cuffs your hands to the bed each time you’ve disobeyed him

he knows how much you love the burn in your arms as he’s deep inside of you

he’ll always make sure to kiss them better

ALSO BODY WORSHIP

kisses your entire body as your begging him to use you

he loves the sight of your angelic form sprawled across the bed, eyes looking up at him in hopeful desire

he always makes you feel like you’re doing a good job

“you’re taking me so good sugar.”

“what did I do to deserve such a pretty little thing sucking my cock.”

JEON JUNGKOOK

HE’S SUCH A SUB

there’s nothing he loves more than when you top him

having you look like an absolute angel riding his cock like there’s no tomorrow is something his dreams are made of

the l o u d e s t whines when you praise him

“my pretty baby.”

“such a good boy for me.”

he’s so whipped for you

both of you know you have him wrapped around your little finger

loves how much you test his patience

the tip of his cock will be sore and red, leaking with pre-cum and begging to be touched and he’ll still not utter a word

also loves when you ride his face

the feeling of your fingers tugging on his hair as his eager tongue explores your tight hole is the best feeling for him

his cock will be practically weeping for your attention but he’d be solely focused on making you cum

loves having your juices coating his face

he’ll be so sensitive so when you finally softly suck on his tip the loudest gasp will come from his kiss-bruised lips

his hips will raise, urging you to take more of his cock in your mouth

sweat coating his forehead as you hum around him, enjoying how good your boy tastes

clenches his eyes shut when you finally top him and take his leaking, neglected, twitching cock to the brim

dirty talk gets this boy going

he could literally orgasm just from hearing your soft coos in his ear

© sopeverse — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

ethan nsfw alphabet

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Ethan likes to clean you and he tells you to "GO PEE RN OR YOU MIGHT GET SICK" and you'll definitely bath ew wtf. But when he clean you you barely feel anything but his humming and some faint kisses on your back. If you're a map he might poke some light bruises a bit. To see you squirm >:3

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his abs. Not too much, not too little. He's fine as fuck. Heh. As for you, ass. Ass. No matter what ass. If it's yours. Ass.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He cums quick spurts lmao and he cums a little. Enough for a good gulp, that's it. Tastes like bleach and it's clear.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He'd love to examine you and train with his knives on you. You're so cute even when you try to dom him that he can't help it. Maybe if you let him give you a scar and you give him one, or if you just dress yourself as a nurse and he'll put you under pressure and see how much you squirm to give him good head... Good, now he's hard.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He knows what he's doing with your body because he's a doctor. But I think he's still a little inexperienced because he didn't have many deep relationships so he thinks sex is way more shallow than it is (yet he already loves it lol) you'll feel good, but he's going to be mildly surprised by you each time.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Heh, he loves the ones where you're bent and restrained while he fucks you mercilessly, or the ones where he can ride you and see your angry face whenever he edges you to ready you about how much of a shitty dom you are.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's not goofy, but he's sarcastic and a BIG brat. If you're subbing, he's the degrader type, the intensity I up to what he thinks you can handle. He also likes to talk dirty and laugh at you so beware.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He's on the hairy side bc shaving is not good for the skin and he won't fucking do wax. That shit hURTS, but you won't be bothered if you want to give him head. Kinda pleasing honestly. He trims often.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

When he's too fucked out, he's going to be the most affectionate little pet you could ever ask for whether he's domming or not. He'll literally sob and tell how much he loves you. And he gets WAY nicer when you're finished until you go to sleep or part ways. He'll go back to normal when you meet and be a brat by then.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He does jack off twice a week? Maybe 6 times a month? He doesn't feel like jacking off too much, but if someone he likes is around, he'll jack off a LOT, and he just can't stop bc his mind is way too fertile.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Knife play, nurse play, choking, shibari (receiving, let's all pretend to be shocked.), Dom and sub dynamics, he also loves to bend you in many ways. He also loves getting caught by people he knows, and semi-public places.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Moondance alleys where it's dark, his room, your room, the bathroom.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) when you just coax him, play his game and win. He likes how nasty you get...

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurt you beyond combined, make you feel miserable because of his own pleasure, hurt your feelings, scare you.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)He loves to receive WAY more than giving, but he'll do it. You'll have to teach him more tho, he doesn't know what to do sometimes bc you make eye contact and he's just RED.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) He's fast and mildly to very rough. He loves to cling onto you and sometimes, when it's a cold day in hell, he'll take it slow. That's his way of saying he loves you.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) He thinks quickies are the best invention. He's mad? Quickie. He's gotta go but he craves it? Quickie. He does enjoy proper sex too and he'll make them sessions amazing, but to him there should be something to relieve you both quick.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) He loves to experiment! Esp if you're the dom. Please do make him your little dummy. If you experiment shibari, he'll even skip to the bed and tell you to "hurry the hell up!"

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) he lasts a few hours, but if he's too tired, quickie it is bc he won't spend his ENTIRE stamina fucking.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He has a few toys and they're mostly toys you can use on a partner. He keeps them on a case and he takes pride on his lil collection.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

I'd say he's the biggest tease if it wasn't for Ivan. But hey, he teases you completely out in the open and with people watching, so if you're a dom, put him in line.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) kinda low but he talks and moans often enough. You can't hear him much because he likes to hear you instead, but if you despise a guy that's not vocal, don't worry, that's not him.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Ethan once told you you should have drunk sex after you denied him one night because you didn't want to take advantage. He then allows you to do it the next time he tries it, and it's kinda weird because you're drunk too and he tells you all the little things about you that he never did while sober and you're in love wow.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) his dick is so pretty hihihih! It's curved upwards a little, the head is proportional and pretty. He does trim so it looks all the more appealing. He's veiny.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Not all the time, but two-three times a week? that's fine with him.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) He cums, aftercare, sleep. you can talk to him in your dreams if it's that important. Now sleep.

NSFW Alphabet ~ Shouto Todoroki

Word Count: 1.7k

Key: ☆,♤

Sum: Lil bit of NSFW fluff for ya, Todoroki x Fem!Reader

Aftercare ~ What he’s like after sex.

➯ Todoroki is the sweetest thing after sex.

➯ He will use a towel, damp with warm water to clean you up.

➯ He will ask you if you need anything and if you do he is sure to get it for you, even if it means a late-night drive to the corner store to pick up some Aspirin or Plan B.

➯ Afterward, he will probably cuddle you while you fall asleep, and he’ll fall asleep soon after.

Body part ~ His favorite body part of his and also his partner's.

➯ Todoroki’s favorite body part of his own are his arms. He loves holding you in his arms. It feels perfect, like he found the missing puzzle piece that completes the picture.

➯ His favorite thing about you are your eyes. Yeah, you have a bangin’ body but there is just something about your eyes that draws him to you.

Cum ~ Anything to do with cum.

➯ At first, his cum is thick and white but the more he cums the more watery and clear it becomes.

➯ His seamen always taste sweet, not overly sweet like candy but sweet enough for you to notice, every now and then there is a metallic twinge to the taste.

➯ Todo also has a thing for creampies, the sight of his seed spilling out of your cunt is truly beautiful to him.

Dirty secret ~ Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of his.

➯ Todoroki is really into the idea of cock warming.

➯ After a night of vigorous lovemaking, he likes to stay close to you.

➯ The idea of him falling asleep with his penis hard inside of you is just so intimate to Todo. 

➯ Though he might have trouble avoiding the urge to recreate the events that happened not too soon before.

Experience ~ How experienced is he? Does he know what he’s doing?

➯ Ha!

➯ This poor boy has never truly experienced what it is like to love or to be loved.

➯ You are his first everything.

➯ He has no idea what he’s doing at all. 

➯ He's really just winging it, and he is constantly afraid of messing everything up.

➯ Please, please, please remember to tell him just how much he means to you.

Favorite position ~ This goes without saying.

➯ Since sex is such an intimate thing for Todoroki his favorite positions include poses where his partner is in close reach.

➯ He likes to have easy access to your lip, so he can kiss you until your lips become raw.

➯ So he enjoys positions like missionary, cradle, lotus or the occasional cowgirl.

Goofy ~ Is he more serious during the moment? Is he humorous?

➯ Todoroki doesn't believe that jokes belong in the bedroom. It would ruin the romance for him.

 ➯ Though if you get a couple drinks in him he might think differently.

Hair ~ How well-groomed is he? Does the carpet match the drapes?

➯ Todoroki never felt the need to ‘manscape’ until he met you since then every other week he takes a pair of scissors and touches things up.

➯ And yes the carpets do indeed match the drapes, crimson hair on the left and white on the right.

Intimacy ~ How is he during the moment? The romantic aspect of it all.

➯ Todoroki is ridiculously intimate, not just during sex but with everything. 

➯ Every kiss is filled to the brim with passion and intensity, with every hug he holds you as close as humanly possible emanating feelings of protection and endearment, every thrust jammed packed with love and euphoria.

➯ He is most likely the one to set up romantic dinners dates for the both of you,

Jack off ~ Masturbation headcanon!

➯ Todoroki doesn’t feel the need to masturbate, especially when he has you- someone he can go to when he is feeling particularly horny.

➯ But in times where you’re not around and he feels the need to ‘jack it’ he likes to keep things slow. 

➯ As he slowly fucks his fist he has an image of you in his head the whole time. He imagines your hands in place of his.

➯ Every now and again he lets your name ever so quietly slip past his lips.

Kink ~ One or more of his kinks.

➯ Todoroki has a thing for hickeys.

➯ He is careful about where he leaves them, so they are easy for you to cover up.

➯ Though every now and then he slips up and leaves hickey in a place where people could see as clear as day.

➯ While it might be a pain for you, he enjoys looking at the marker that he left on you, allowing anyone who sees it to know that you are taken -by him.

Location ~ Favorite places to do the do.

➯ Honestly, Todoroki would fuck you anywhere if he could. 

➯ Especially if you're wearing a pair of shorts that are a little too short or a shirt that hugs your torso in all the right places.

➯ That being said, his favorite place to have you is in his bedroom. It is where he feels the most comfortable, it’s a sanctuary made just for the two of you.

Motivation ~ What turns them on, gets them going.

➯ You. You are his motivation, everything about you turns him on -from the shape of your boobs to the curve in your ass. He loves you and every time you and he do the deed he wants to show just how much.

➯ It’s obvious that Todoroki is not good with words so when you and Todo are in bed together it is his chance to make you feel how you make him feel every second of every day.

➯ But if you really want to drive him absolutely insane, throw on some lingerie. Nothing too showy, something simple- lacey black undies with an almost see-through lace bra. 

No ~ Something he wouldn’t do, turn-offs.

➯ Todoroki is completely opposed to anything that could cause you harm.

➯ As a hero and more promptly as your boyfriend, Todoroki wants to do everything he can to prevent you from feeling any type of pain- pleasurable or not. 

Oral ~ Preference in giving or receiving.

➯ He always prefers giving over receiving.

➯ Todoroki loves being the one responsible for your undoing.

➯  He is rather skilled with his tongue and he works miracles when he adds a finger or two.

➯ The sounds you make when he is working his magic are purely pornographic and are always sure to make him lose control.

Pace ~ Is he fast and rough? Slow and sensual?

➯ Todoroki believes that sex is a show of intimacy between two people.

➯ He likes to keep things slow and sensual to ensure intimacy and maximize the pleasure between you and him.

➯ Although if Todoroki’s day was more strenuous than usual and he felt the need to blow off some steam expect things to be completely different from the norm.

➯ It will seem as though he is a completely different person, expect his thrusts to be hard and fast- like lightning-fast and crazy hard, look forward to holding on to him for dear life as you experience one of the highest highs in your life.

Quickie ~ His opinions on quickies, how often.

➯ Todoroki isn’t too fond of quickies.

➯ Like I said before I think that Todo believes that sex is an act of intimacy, and quickies simply don’t have the level of intimacy that he is looking for.

Risk ~ Is he game to experiment? Does he take risks?

➯ It really depends on what you're asking.

➯He is game for anything as long as you are safe and comfortable.

Stamina ~ How many rounds can he go for? How long does he last?

➯ With all the training that he has done Todoroki has built up an unreal amount of stamina.

➯ He can go for as long as you need to without faltering in the quality of each thrust.

Toys ~ Does he own toys? Does he use them? On a partner or themselves?

➯ Todoroki does not own toys. He doesn’t feel the need to have any. He wants every ounce of pleasure that you feel to come from him.

➯ However, if you were to ask, you could probably convince him to spice things up every once in a while.

Unfair ~ How much he likes to tease.

➯ Todoroki doesn’t like to tease you. He wants to give you everything you want and more.

➯ So as soon as he hears you ask for something he is sure to give it to you.

Volume ~ How loud is he, what sounds do he make

➯ Todoroki isn’t too vocal when he is in bed. The most you probably hear are a couple of low grunts and moans and the occasional profanity.

➯ With that being said Todo is sure to shower you with praise, never missing a moment to tell you how much he loves you or tell you how perfect you look.

Wild card ~ A random headcanon for the character.

➯ Todoroki has always been more of an ass man rather than a boob man. 

➯ It’s often that his hands will somehow end up cupped around your butt and honestly you have no problem with it.

X-ray ~ Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes!

➯ It’s pretty obvious that Todo is ripped. You notice just how toned his arms are when he picks you to carry off to the bedroom.

➯ When you ride him,  you can’t help but run your hands all over his torso as you bounce up and down on his cock.

Yearning ~ How high is his sex drive?

➯ Todoroki isn’t one to just spring random boners out of nowhere. He never really feels the need to engage in sexual activities.

➯ That is until his eyes meet yours. You truly drive this man wild, everything about you seems so perfect to him.

Zzz ~ How quickly he falls asleep afterward.

➯ He may have hella endurance, but afterward, he's pretty tired.

➯ After he makes sure that you're all good he’ll cuddle you and make some pillow talk until you drift away to the land of dreams and not too soon after he’ll be following suit.

A/N: First official post on this account! I found this NSFW Alphabet template and thought I could do something special with it.

- bill skarsgard, cis male, pansexual, he/him - rome welcomes anton kask, a cambion. they are twenty-seven years old and have been in the city for two months. they are known to be observant + incautious, which makes sense because they’re irritated about the marriages. i heard they’re betrothed to ronan cassidy - a vampire. @bloodwedstuff​

hello everyone ! i’m k and i’m super excited to be part of this group and i would love love LOVE to plot with anyone and everyone so please feel free to slide in my IMs or smash that heart button and i’ll come to you :) here is a lil bit about anton ! ( also this is the cambion lore i’m using bc i liked it the best xcnvbxcnv )

lil stats !

name: anton nils kask. age: twenty-seven. species: cambion. hometown: malmo, sweden. abilities: invulnerability -  more durable & resilient, regeneration - quicker healing, energy drain - can steal life force through physical touch ( he has basically mastered this ability unless he’s frightened ) weaknesses:  devil’s trap - a sigil that can be drawn on walls, ceilings, etc, to essentially trap the demon/cambion within the sigil, unholy aversion - cannot step foot into churches, holy water burns the skin & regeneration does not effect this injury ( burn from holy water would be the same as a burn from fire for a human ), holy fire burns NEVER heal, permanent damage afflicted. distinguishing features: a holy fire torch burn on the left side of his ribcage birth order: eldest sibling ( human half siblings on his mother’s side )

character bio ( violence tw, addiction tw ) !

       confliction. that word could describe anton’s entire existence. blood sullied at birth with a demon for a father and a human as a mother.  demon: evil. human: normal. of course at birth he did not have an affinity for evil, no more than any other regular human ( though one could argue they themselves have a predisposition, compared to angels of course ), but just the knowlege of his father’s species was enough to leave him spiraling to find his direction. it certainly didn’t help that growing up around humans, you could say his abilities ( uncontrolled ) could be construed as evil, demonic even. the struggle of good and evil was instilled inside him so young, and stuck.

      his mother did the best she could to keep anton from his father, hoping that it would steer him away from such a path. though in the shadow of the night, what seemed like dreams, he would visit and tempt anton. as the war between the supernaturals and the humans anton figured it would save his human family if he simply disappeared into the night. of course he wasn’t going to fight and honestly, he planned to lay as low as he could seeing as he could blend in as a human or a supernatural. it wasn’t until he was twenty-one and in some bar, masquerading as a human when a bar fight broke out. getting caught in the middle he was slashed with a broken beer bottle and the wound closed quickly before everyone’s eyes. within a religious little town and the battles waging on, the bartender kept holy water on hand and holy fire on deck.

      holy water splashed in his face, the burn appeared and confirmed even further, everyone’s fears. the bartender swiped his torch of holy fire and swung it in anton’s direction. it collided with his side and that was it. the burn sting more intensely than anything he’d ever felt. instincts kicked in and he grabbed the man, energy draining ability activated. the power he felt in that moment was absolutely addicting. once maneuvering out of that sticky situation by draining enough energy our of anyone to escape, he felt a high that he couldn’t even explain. 

      as a nomad now, teetering on the edge of good and evil, anton roamed from location to location draining people here and there as he craved the feeling. he could never completely drain anyone, the voice of his mother in the back of his head reminding him he WAS better than his father. then BAM ! after being on his own for so long and managing to avoid his father, the demon tracked him down. essentially strong arming the morally weak anton, the pair of them went on a terrorizing spree. going from town to town, city to city, wrecking havoc amongst seemingly peacefully places. 

      it had been about three years of this and anton felt himself falling deeper and deeper into the mess of the evil that he was always worried he’d become. his father managed to drag him back to malmo to go and visit his mother. drugged up on the energy he stole from anyone he could get his hands on, anton didn’t even think of it. the sobering moment for him was seeing his father threaten his mother and other siblings, able to shake himself free from whatever little control his father had over him, anton was able to fight off the demon and help his family escape.

      leaving his family once more after restoring the good inside him, he became a nomad again. keeping away from everyone he could unless necessary, praying ( ironic huh? ) he wouldn’t slip again. alas he was able to, of course without temptation. every day was a struggle within himself to keep a balance. as the war ended he had lost track of his family and was disconnected from the times really, he wandered into rome without knowing about the marriages and then was SLAMMED with them once entering the city. his irritation is actually just a manifestation of fear, scared that being connected to another person leaves him vulnerable to, a) slipping again, b) his father finding him and screwing with whoever he attaches to, or c) just regular old attachment issues !

wanted connections !

victims ( ? ) - someone he stumbled upon with his father and kinda fucked with witnesses- a human in that bar maybe ?  an unlikely friend - he’s not very gregarious, kinda grumpy, but has a soft side deep deep down ( EXTREMELY ) deep down.  hook ups / one night stands - this man cannot even commit to wearing the same outfit for a whole day let alone to a person what could have been - maybe someone who started out as a hook up(s) he actually began feeling some kind of connection to them and he stuck around in one spot longer than normal, but then he dipped when it got too real LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANNA THROW AT ME :) 

here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  

i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]

and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on

anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are

informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that

anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time

can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop

so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”

i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored

naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything

and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay

anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is

hi there honeybun!! 💘✨🌼 how are you doing love?? i saw that you posted some hc today,, i thought they were very cute! 💕 you should know that when you do get those little bursts of inspiration, you truly do such amazing things darling!! burn-out really does feel awful, no? (1/9)

"well i should say that i saw the anon's dream... wow,, that sounds as if it came straight out of an action movie!!! (which happen to be my favorite genre alongside drama) honestly, i would wake up in a cold sweat too if i dreamt up something like that,, such high intensity warrants lots of emotion for me haha, not to mention that i am quite the skittish person myself (as morgy already knows by now 😅) by the way dear anon, if you do end up finishing the dream, i'd love to hear it hehehe (2/9)

dreams are a funny thing for me,, considering they are either night terrors, surreal/nonsensical, or intensely dramatic,, i don't think i've ever had a straight up pleasant dream before! i can also remember a lot of them, and i like to tell my friends about some of my craziest dreams!! oh, and a little fun tidbit is that i can dream in both color and black/white!! (3/9)

dreaming has always been such a fascinating concept to me, there have been days with my friends where all i'll do is talk about dreams with people,, it's pretty relaxing, especially if the dreams you discuss are nightmares!! it's nice to get such things out of your system after all! 💭 (4/9)

mamma mia,, sorry for the ramble, it annoys most people after a while,, i have a tendency to talk about certain things for a while 😖 well, today consisted of mostly sewing for me, both by hand and with a machine... needless to say my fingers are bruised up now 😂 i bruise pretty easily, so it's normal i guess,, (5/9)

and i have some people now asking me to make them stuff!! i'd love to but with a lack of motivation and being in a rough spot lately, i don't think i have the capacity for that hehe, maybe some time in the future!! (6/9)

waifu bro was able to show me more of the movie script!! the movie is actually based on his personal interpretation of the song hotel california by the eagles,, it's one of our all-time favorites!! he might actually have me cover the song for him soon!! he said it would mostly receive a mature rating since it is very dark in subject matter, but if he actually ends up producing it, i bet i would be old enough to see it when it releases!! (7/9)

and oh my, a whole year of singing lessons,, i bet you sound amazing dear!! my family could never afford that sort of stuff, so naturally i just sing along to songs casually hehe,, i bet you would've made for an amazing singer amore 💖💖 (8/9)

oh dio, it's now 0:50!! time flies fast when i'm doing the things i love 😊 then that's it for tonight i suppose! buonanotte e sogni d'oro, dolcezza ☀💓 - always with love, waifu xoxo 😍😳😘❤💗💓💕💖💞💘💌💋 ps: if the film ends up being produced in the future, will you go see it with me? 🥺👉👈 (9/9)"

God love again you praise me way too much trust me im really not THAT good at singing esp since i havent attended the lessons bc of the current situation ever since march i think so im a lil rusty even tho i sing by myself many times around the house....if anything i'd say my voice sounds lowkey weird since im an alto and was told i had the deepest timbre out of the girls and it wouldnt be the first time anyway🤡✌️but nevertheless theres much to improve and it aint perfect dhshhzhz and the hcs i wrote were kinda minimal but im glad u liked them?? also watching the movie with you?? A B S O L U T E L Y

I love hotel california but then again its a classic its only natural 😳 again ur bro is a literal icon, his brain is gigantic and i'd pay to watch that shit anyday fam esp if its with u👁️

And dont apologize for rambling since dreams do happen to fascinate me as well... as a matter of fact i just woke up from a very cursed one thats gonna get me hella clowned by one of my mutuals a h a h a but i fully understand ur experiences since i myself usually just dream of nonsensical bits that i dont even remember or its just straight up nightmares🤡🤡🤡🤡 the only exception being that 1 week ago i think i had a surprisingly nice dream that consisted of me achieving some goals which was VERY unexpected considering all i dream of are wacky things so that was nice for once ig hssjdjd

And do b careful w the bruising stuff i cant imagine how hard it must be to embroider like that...my short tempered dumbass would b like i g h t m b o u t t a h e a d o u t in less than a second-

november reading

how is it november. anyway i mainly descended into asoiaf hell again but there’s some other stuff!

hugo long list anthology vol. 3, lots of people anthology of the hugo long list for sff short stories - like most anthologies, it’s a mixed bag; i skipped a few stories, found a lot fine, liked quite a few (especially those by ursula vernon, sarah pinsker, p. djeli clark & theodora goss). this tends more towards scifi than fantasy, but i generally preferred the more fantasy-ish ones. 2.5/5

heimat: a german family album, nora krug collage-style graphic memoir about krug’s relationship to german identity after moving to the us and marrying a jewish man, focusing on her research into her family history and her grandparents’ actions during the holocaust, collecting images, documents, letters, statements from other family members, etc etc. the collage style is impressively well-done & her use of documents is especially excellent. 4/5

die untalentierte lügnerin, eva schmidt a german book prize nominee about a young woman in austria going thru a personal & familial crisis after dropping out of acting school. it’s intentionally really detached & isolating (e.g. there is absolutely no direct speech/thought in the entire book) but (unintentionally?) also quite boring. the creepy supportive-but-boundary-breaking stepfather is well done. 2/5

a game of thrones, george r. r. martin (#1 asoiaf) y’all.... i missed this series. i know i’m always lowkey obsessed, but reading the books really is a whole ‘nother thing and there are beats that get me in the heart every time (& every time there are beats that feel completely new) & every time i read agot i suddenly and painfully remember how much i love ned & how good he is & how sad. gods. also i want to take everyone who thinks asoiaf is all about being grimdark & edgy & cynical & ‘honourable = dumb’ and shake them like that’s not what they’re saying! littlefinger thinks like that, cersei, tywin and varys. we’re not meant to side with them! we’re meant to side with ned, who is honourable & chooses ‘the madness of mercy’, even if it kills him, which it does. 4.5/5

cosmicomics, italo calvino (tr. from italian by william weaver) honestly this is so hard to describe but it’s basically short stories about the genesis of the universe, the development of earth & life on earth, told from the perspective of a kind of eternal being (called qwfwq i think) who has been around with some other eternal beings with similarly weird names since before there was space, or time, or anything, but these eternal beings also behave & think pretty much like normal humans if they existed on eternal time-scale. it’s really weird & really fun, altho after the 12 stories i was kinda done. also like the gender politics in this are super eyeroll-y so be aware of that i guess. 3/5

a clash of kings, george r. r. martin (#2 asoiaf) i recently saw a poll on r/asoiaf or something about everyone’s fav book in the series & acok came in last, which i kind of understand - between agot & the absolutely epic and intense asos, it kind of looks like just a transitional book, & while both affc & adwd are kind of polarising, they both have really passionate fans BUT i think acok might actually be my personal favourite in the series. almost all the character’s arcs in this are amazing (arya in harrenhal! sansa figuring out how to cope in KL! theon’s whole mess! tyrion as hand! bran’s last chapter making me cry every single time!) and it has the amazing battle of blackwater bay. so anyway: 5/5

the narrow road to the deep north, richard flanagan (uni) UGH. this is a booker winning (for some reason) novel about australian POWs on the death rail, which is not entirely uninteresting & not something i’ve read anything about before but a) the writing is bad, b) flanagan tries really hard to be incredibly profound & it’s not working, c) half the story isn’t even about the POW camp but about our noble self-sacrificial hero dorrigo ‘manly resolve’ evans, who is a serial cheater & in his feelings about his ~true love for his uncle’s wife which like... who cares!!! in retrospect our discussion in class brought out some interesting aspects about the book & especially what we are meant to think about dorrigo evans but i still dislike it. 1.5/5

bad blood: secrets and lies in a silicon valley startup, john carreyrou the absolutely wild story of startup/total scam theranos by the investigative journalist who originally exposed their total scamminess. it’s sad that there’s so little insight into elizabeth holmes (steve jobs reborn/scammer in chief) and her motivation but oh well. my fav scene was elizabeth holmes giving every employee a copy of a coelho book & telling them she was starting a religion. 3/5

emma, jane austen another austen that is both incredibly delightful and incredibly frustrating in a lot of ways, which i think is partially intentional (although the intense classism never really gets challenged, just emma’s flawed way of enacting classism) - emma herself is often frustrating, misguided, arrogant, but her situation is so dismal and stifling, so many people around her so dull and wearying and demanding, that i couldn’t help but feel for her. sure, the romance is a bit #problematique, and the classism is a lot, but i think the heart of this is emma trying to find a way to exist in highbury, recognise that a) jane fairfax is great but b) she doesn’t have to be like jane fairfax, and that a) yes, she is responsible for her father but b) her father doesn’t have to be her whole life, and that she probably should just let poor harriet smith do what she gonna do. 4/5

the need, helen phillips i think what this book (and fever dream) really confirmed for me is that if i ever have kids, my ocd will go into infernal nightmare mode. anyway. this is a pretty good, pretty scary thriller about molly, working at an excavation site that seems to hold a lot of fossils and artefacts that are just a lil wrong, while also being stressed as hell about her two young children. the book opens with a truly terrifying sequence, switching from molly at her job to molly putting the kids to bed and hearing something that sounds a lot like an intruder (but she’s probably just paranoid right???). the rest of the book doesn’t quite live up to that, but it’s still pretty cool. 3/5

a storm of swords (asoiaf #3), grrm this book is just one thing after the other, in a really good way, in that every time something big & huge happens you read the next chapter or two and something else big & huge happens. read for handless & noseless the lannister boys, not one or two but three contenders for top post on r/weddingshaming, the infamous arya burrito, jon snow inventing cunnilingus in a cave, vengeance zombies, the most emosh snowcastle ever, and just. feelings everywhere. 5/5 thank you for my life grrm

exquisite cadavers, meena kandasamy kandasamy’s last novel (when i hit you) is a kinda autofiction-y novel, closely based on her own abusive marriage but also a novel & the fact that much of the reception has focused on her own traumatic experiences rather than as her novel as a work of literature frustrated kandasamy, as she says in the author’s note here, so she decided to write a story and include her commentary on how it relates (& doesn’t) to her own life in the margin. but rather than straightforward explanation, the margin notes, told by meena (herself? the author-persona? something else?) become their own story, often going on tangents only tenuously connected with the ‘main’ story. i love this conceit & i think in parts of this book it works really really well & it’s interesting how each part informs your reading of the other & how to read the margins as someone whose academic training & inclination tend toward death of the author (one of the characters dislikes barthes lol). sadly i don’t think there’s not enough meat to the story-part to make it more than an interesting experiment. 3.5/5

currently read a feast for crows (of course) and a brief history of seven killings which is... a bit of a slog to be honest sorry :(

twdg take us back thoughts (forgive me if any of this is out of order, i’m doing this from memory)

-the game took 10 minutes to download and those were a wild ten minutes i’ll tell you that -right off the bat i was worried clem was gonna get bit -i tried to shoot lilly at first, then i saw it didn’t work and wished her well. that’s just my s1 lilly fan’s final breaths of air right there -LOUIS SAVED MY LIFE THANK YOU I’M SORRY ABOUT YOUR TONGUE -god louis’s little smile though oOF -VI I LOVE YOU -THE OTHER KIDS ARE ALIVE -vIOLET INITIATED KISS!!!! (adding a read more bc this got LONG)

-uhhhh i’m pretty sure i’m not the only one who was left with some post-ep3 lilly vibes with minnie. like fuck u for expecting some kinda redemption arc with any character we are going to make them go Batshit the next episode -like i really thought we’d be able to help her or something when she was fighting off those walkers. i mean i get she was totally brainwashed but c’mon man. she’s a kid. but fuk that ig -walker james man. i sorta justified not going back and killing lilly last ep by saying this was what james would’ve wanted (also it’s my playthrough i do what i want), and now that i know what happens if you do save him uhhhhhhh.... i’m glad i made the choices i did tbh! it’s what james would’ve wanted. -i spent so long in that cave looking for “something to light on fire” -i decided to trust aj. i figured a) that could possibly save my life (it didn’t lol), b) it would make him feel good about himself, and c) i’ve taught him pretty well up to now so i trust him. -MEETING UP WITH VIOLET AND OUR LITTLE FAMILY HUG WOW CAN I JUST SAY THAT SHIT’S THE GOOD SHIT -i low key wish i’d named the school castle violet, but i figured it was more important to give her the choice. texas two squad, gang gang -fighting minnie on the bridge i was thinking ‘ok minnie’s gonna get a lot of shit for this lol’ -speaking of Bridge Scene, that shit was INTENSE if nothing else -like SHIT -when minnie cut me, i thought ‘oh fuuck, something’s gonna bite that’ -i also thought ‘hey clem’s gonna have a big leg scar to match her big arm scar’ but i was wrong about that lmao -i’ve never been more stressed that someone was gonna bite me than in this ep lmao -i also thought the scene from the trailer where you try to grab aj’s hand was gonna be here on the bridge, not on the rocks -oof when tenn died i was upset, but i feel more secure in that than if it were violet who died. only because that was tenn’s choice, and tenn was another person, like james, who had seemed to make peace with the walkers in a way. plus he died with his sister, which seemed to be what they both wanted at the time. that’s not so say that i wish i could’ve saved him without killing vi (or louis), but i do feel satisfied with what i got here (rip tennessee, you were a cool kid) -and then vi jumps over a fence ok bye violet -climbing up the rocks, i knew this was when it was gonna happen. but still. i cried lol -when i uncovered the bite, i was reminded of the s2 game mechanics. oof -as soon as she was bitten i said ‘you have an axe! cut it off now! do it!’ and when they didn’t i died -the next bit was reminiscent of lee making his way to the marsh house in s1 -actually, clem’s limp reminded me of a new day when lee got into that car crash lol -and when clem and aj were closing the doors to the barn and clem said to get something to block the door, i was expecting her to continue and say something like ‘something strong and sturdy’ like lee said when they were blocking off the pharmacy in s1 bc that scene gave me strong pharmacy vibes -and then strong jewelry shop vibes bc why tf not -playing as aj. that was rough. he’s FAST tho oml -that was when i went ‘ok so clem is dying for real’ and cried a lil bit more cuz you know me -switching between clem and aj. DUDE that got me so emotional -also aj using clem’s trick (that used to be jane’s trick). GO KIDDO -seeing clem looking more and more dead fuckt me up (like how did she get from that to the end of the ep i don’t get it. like even if it was because she waited shorter to cut it off or because it was her leg rather than her arm or what. it doesn’t matter because by the time lee looked like THAT his arm was (determinantly) long gone. but hey, not gonna analyze it too much lol i’m just glad my girl clem’s alive) -okay when clem was talking to aj that also got me crying -and when i told aj to leave clem, i was thinking ‘okay, maybe she’ll link up with james. or tenn, but like hopefully not minnie at this point. and lEE maybe she’ll find lee. or luke. or her parents-’ -and then he picks up that ax and i was like ‘woa ok did you just kill her??’ -and then the flashback. lemme be real and say i thought that was the afterlife or something, and that those floaty specks were Afterlife Dust -but then i remembered ‘oh right the ranch’ -lemme just say i didn’t think the ranch was gonna look like that lol -not 100 percent on what was going on at the ranch tbh -like who were those people and why did we kill all of them? one would assume that clem would first try to get aj back peacefully -oh wait they were at war right -also i really liked the design of like all of those people -and the LAVA GUY HOLY SHIT -obviously i mercy killed him -also wait, was clem with the people they were fighting? i couldn’t tell -ALSO also, was. was that eddie? from 400 days? checking the wiki real quick -yea i think that was him. rip eddie you didn’t deserve That. i mean i was happy he was back nd then we were just forced to kill him oof sorry man -felt bad about killing that woman also, but hey, she had aj in a tiny locker, so i didn’t feel super bad about it after finding him -also lemme just say -little kid aj?? -SUPER CUTE OML -he’s like the perfect mix of anf aj’s face and tfs aj’s face. kudos to whoever designed little aj -also when clem was talking with him in the car. i felt like it was sort of unrealistic little kid talk, but not so much that it distracted from anything going on -never go alone god rule number one had me crying -and then we’re aj fishing! -i didn’t catch any fish as aj lol -also i LOVE how they changed the dialogue options for aj to be a lot more childlike if that makes sense? like fuck yeah that was a really nice call -ROSIE IM SO GLAD YOU’RE OK -i didn’t scratch out the v+m heart because it’s history, and it’s not mine to scratch out. same reason i didn’t make clem spit on marlon’s grave -CLEM’S HAT GET IT -GET IT GET IT -OH GOOD GIRL ROSIE YOU’RE A GOD -oh a walker -oH THAT’S A TENN WALKER SHIT -well i’m not gonna kill him Again -also i don’t want the other kids to have to see him -i was so glad when i got the option to throw the rock -he learned from james what a good boy -RUBY HI -god ruby’s the best lmao -my thoughts when they’re talking about the hat ‘...aj hasn’t put it on... they haven’t talked about clem in the past tense.... is she.... possibly.... not dead?’ -lmao and when the next scene started, the trees + sky reminded me of the st john’s dairy and i wondered if we had another lee dream or afterlife or something but nope -is this take us back?? -hOLY SHIT IT’S TAKE US BACK!!! -okay and walking home, seeing everyone. god i was so sjfsakjfa there -like when i saw aasim run up to ruby i was all !!! and when they held hands i was all !!!!!!!!! yknow?? and then when i saw omar and WILLY and then on the gate there was VIOLET (i was so glad she was ok lmao the last thing i wanted for my girl was an offscreen death) god that was so good with the music i was crying a little again -need to make another bullet to stress how happy i am for ruby and aasim. like i would’ve been happy either way but they were portrayed as such a cute couple in the few seconds we got of them, so like. consider me a fan now i guess -i was worried for louis at first cuz i didn’t see him -i thought maybe this was the end of the game because we closed the gate and stuff and i was thinking ‘oh, like closing the story’ but NOPE -sup omar. up and cooking again i see -lmao my sleep-deprived brain found it hilarious that we just put the empty bucket down next to him -uhh what came next the graves or clem?? i forget -WAIT IT WAS THE GRAVES BECAUSE THE TIRE SWING WHICH IS SO CUTE AHH -well tenn’s grave made me :( but then CLEM -so glad my hunch that she was alive was right lmao -but also i thought that was determinant it was a lot less satisfying when you realize that no matter what she lives -i mean i get why they did it like that, they didn’t want anyone feeling left with the “bad ending”, their thing is that their games are tailored to how you play and there IS no bad ending but still. a little variation on that front would’ve made it a lil more satisfying -also where did they get those crutches -i love talking as aj. so much. -he’s just a funky lil guy! -that convo with clem on the steps, when she asked if she did a good job... like FUCK YEAH you did a good job, I’M YOU, you think i’m not happy with how i raised me?? -aj saying ‘are you crazy’ when clem asked that made me smile -okay i know ppl have been saying this. but. siblings aasim and willy rule. -and then the meal!! -i was super hoping for a card game but what we good was good. not great, but good. also, card game as aj would probably not be quite as fun. or it’d be very fun. honestly, it’d probably just be a different kind of fun. -when we panned over the table i saw a flash of louis and i went all ‘louis!!’ in my head -louis’s little note sadfasf that was so cute -and honestly everything about louis in this scene i love you louis -actually, just this whole scene was cute. willy and omar were adorable, and then ruby, and willy asking for seconds, and everyone just being Soft in general like. yall deserve this happiness -vi and clem talking Strategy dude sign me up -i love how clem trusts aj now. and i trust aj too tbh, a lot more than i did initially. i think i taught him pretty well. -violet and aj duo let’s go -slightly worried abt that caravan that was mentioned, but hey. the game left off on a high note, so NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN TO THEM EVER. YOU HEAR THAT?? -vIOLET INITIATED KISS PART TWO!!!!!! CHEEK KISS EDITION!!!!!!!! IM SOFT!!!!!!!!!! -okay that hallway with the snb team’s names all over the walls?? dude oof. they worked so hard it made me so happy to see their mark on texas two -haha texas two -ANYWAY -obviously i looked at all the collectibles i had, AND pet rosie, because i knew that when i ran out of things to do, the game would be over, and who wants that? -aj: *places human skull* *looks at animal skull* wow clem really likes skulls -kiddo i hate to break it to you but -seems like you’re taking after her in that regard -good girl rosie -lmao aj and his magic powers -it’s like louis in a box -hanging up james’ walker mask made me :(( -he is watching over you aj. and he would like that -ok guys i am BEGGING you. if you haven’t already, PLEASE repeatedly click disco broccoli until you can’t anymore. it’s great. -and then i finally had to put down the hat -”thank you for playing” GOD THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME -I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS SERIES IS OVER -I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M SAYING GOODBYE TO CLEM -i mean i still have my louis route BUT IT’S NOT THE SAME AS A FRESH EPISODE YKNOW?? OKAY FINAL THOUGHTS: -FIRST OFF I JUST FOUND OUT VI CAN GO BLIND -honestly im in favor of that i rly like blind violet au and now it’s not au -rip her eye honestly -new tag to match my rip louis’ tongue -also i left violet feeling loved FUCK yea i did i love violet -OKAY ACTUAL THOUGHTS -looking at this episode afterwards, is it just me or is it a little... lacking? like, a little off? i mean obviously it’s good in the moment, super intense, but there were just a few things that make me feel like it’s the weakest of the season -also lmao i guess fuck minnie james and lilly, their storylines all felt kinda like a middle finger to their fans if that makes sense -but holy shit was that minnie stuff haunting. like HOLY SHIT -also, for a game that’s been focused a lot around clem’s interactions with the other characters, there was a lot... less of that in this episode. no card game, barely any interaction with anyone other than louis/violet, tenn, minnie, aj, and james. and two of those people are fighting you. one of them is even determinant. i was just expecting a little more on that front, because this season’s been really good with that sorta thing -also i would’ve loved a little more time with violet/louis. but that’s just a personal thing and not necessarily a problem lol -again, i feel like it would’ve been a little more satisfying for clem to survive if there were an option where she didn’t. but again again, i totally get why they didn’t go that route -in that vein, i’d really enjoy a little more time with the person who wasn’t on the bridge with you. i miss my boy louis :( -idk there’s just something a little off about this episode. -that’s not to say i didn’t love it (because i TOTALLY did just look at all that stuff above haha) -like i know i didn’t love the minnie part, but like i said, that shit was INTENSE -i can sorta see why they went that route -and i can’t speak for living!james but walker!james was oddly peaceful to see. like, there was a feeling of ‘this is what he would’ve wanted’ -and okay i loved the violet initiated kisses. so much. -also ruby and aasim that was pretty cute -and obviously im happy clem isn’t dead that’s always great -OH and i loved the scene with the snb team’s names on the walls. like that was so good. -finally, the end scene was so satisfying. it ended the series the right way. with clem’s hat :p

11 Questions

I was tagged by @rattlingbrainbox to answer 11 questions about me. Thank you these are super fun!!

1. Do you have a favorite book?

If I had to pick something that's a standalone novel and not a series it'd be a tie between 1984 and Johnny Got His Gun.

2. Cold weather or warm weather?

Cold because my style fits that kind of weather better. Plus I love the coziness of warm drinks and blanket forts.

3. Do you have any hidden talents?

I can make pigeon noises and I can sing a lil bit.

4. Do you have a favorite song? Or at least favorite group/ artist?

I can't say I have a favorite of either. That's too difficult to decide. But I will say that my main musical obsession this year has been Colter Wall. I think he's spectacular.

5. What was your first fandom?

If we're talking first fandom that I made a blog for then Red Dead Redemption. If we're talking first thing to take over my life then LOTR. I love magic and fantasy and I have yet to behold battle scenes that match the literal awesomeness of that trilogy.

6. What would be your dream job?

I can't think of any one thing. I just want something that won't bore me. So just something creative with variety.

7. What is your favorite animal?

Cats. No explanation needed. They're just amazing.

8. Glasses or no glasses?

I have glasses but prefer to use contacts so no glasses.

9. Favorite character of all time.

Honestly probably good ol' Dutch van der Linde. I don't love him like I love other characters, but I do think he's one of the most well-written characters I've ever come across. His story is so intense and complex. Years down the line I'll probably still be trying to figure him out and I'll still be confused about my own feelings towards him. That's quality right there.

10. Scary movies or nah?

This is a definite yes. They're super fun even if I get too scared to sleep and regret it later lmao.

11. Do you play any instruments?

I play a bit of guitar here and there.

Alright so for the questions I've come up with I'll tag @wolfnotadevil, @siegechicken, @buckyyy-b, and anyone else who might want to participate. Hope these are fun questions and of course feel free to ignore.

1. Are you an introvert, extrovert, or ambivert?

2. What would your 3 wishes be if you found a genie lamp?

3. Who is the biggest inspiration in your life?

4. What is one of your favorite films/film genres?

5. Which 10 words would best describe your aesthetic?

6. Do you believe in fate?

7. How would you react to randomly meeting your own clone while going about your daily life?

8. What would be your perfect vacation?

9. What is one of your favorite smells?

10. Which holiday do you enjoy the most?

11. Are you okay? ❤️

My First Dance Fitness Class

I have never been an athletic person. S**t I would even refuse to run the 20 min mile in high school. Sorry, no. Over the years I had eaten poorly and drank copious amounts of alcohol and let’s just say, I got a lil fluffy and extremely lazy. I had attempted to do the usual, go for walks, run on the treadmill, I even subscribed to a gym and hired a personal trainer. None of that panned out though because it was *work.* (Not to mention my trainer’s style was to literally scream what he called “motivation” at me which really just made me cry every day) I gave up thinking there was an effective way to lose weight while having fun and feeling good about myself. So, I quit the gym and I lived with the fluff. I owned it, it was me. 

Then I discovered ZUMBA®! 

Growing up I was always dancing. Not professionally but hidden away in my bedroom with the music cranked, I would attempt to replicate the moves I saw on TV, pretending to be a video girl. My dream job in life, and still to this day, was to be a Las Vegas go-go dancer. 

I had heard of Zumba® before through social media and word of mouth and thought how fun! A workout that involves dancing?! I’m IN! So when my best friend asked me to attend a class with her it was a no brainer. Down. THEN, that b***h didn’t even show up. I was all alone, fluffy and out of place in my over-sized t-shirt and sweatpants, surrounded by fit women in their cute lil matching athletic outfits who looked like they knew what the f**k they were doing. I was so intimidated but I was already here so I decided to press on. I found a spot all the way in the back, closest to the door in case I had to make a run for it.

Finally, after standing for what seemed like ages alone and awkward in the corner, this short, fit, tan girl with flashy, colorful clothes strolled in and up to the front of the class. She seemed full of energy and ready to do the d**n thing. I liked her already. She introduced herself, broke down a couple of moves she mentioned they had been working on the last couple of weeks and turned on the first song. Everyone in the crowd seemed excited and started stepping to the beat, anticipating her first move. I followed suit. Next thing I knew the instructor was moving left, then right, then spinning and it was all happening so fast! I was so f*****g confused! How was I supposed to know which way to go!? That first song I went right when I was supposed to go left, put my hands up when they were supposed to go down and said “sorry” at least 15 times for bumping into the ladies next to me and that was just the warm up. I was mortified but determined to see the class through. 

Song after song of reggaeton and Latin music I didn’t understand bumped through the speakers and we single, single, doubled our way through each and every one of them. While I had never heard a single song that was played, I was grateful it was all upbeat and fun music; music you definitely wanted to shake your a** to.

About half way through class with a huge boob sweat stain smack dab in the middle of my neon orange t-shirt, dripping wet and clearly looking like a hot mess, I started catching on. It was becoming FUN! I started to realize the moves weren’t overly complicated and every move was repetitive, so as long as you had half a brain you could anticipate what was coming next. And something about a group of women all dancing together in unison is enough to make me straight giddy. I caught myself in one of the 16 mirrors sporting a HUGE smile on my face that never seemed to fade. This was the most fun I had had in a long time; not just as a work out but in general. Plus not only was I having fun, it was WORKING! I could feel every inch of my body aching, lungs burning, legs weak, feeling like I may honestly pass out at any moment. I was using muscles I didn’t even know I had! 

The class finally came to an end after what seemed like 3 hours of intense cardio. (It was 45 mins) We finished with a slow song and some stretching. I remember not even being able to bend all the way down to touch my toes. I wasn’t sure if it was because my fluff was blocking me or because my body felt like I had just undergone a war. My underwear was soaking with sweat, I was uncontrollably coughing because my lungs were on fire, and I was literally counting the seconds until I could go home and die on my couch but...I was STILL smiling!

After the instructor had thanked us all for coming everyone started bustling around, grabbing their items and hurriedly scattering. I stood there for a moment taking in all of my thoughts; I had such an incredible time! I felt amazing, rejuvenated, proud, skinny and excited to have found something that seemed perfectly catered towards me; an average female who isn’t obese but definitely not fit either, who is lazy and gets bored easily. FINALLY there was something that could hold my attention span and get me the results I craved!

I went home and immediately Googled every single dance fitness class near me and attended every single one over the following four months.

This was it. The beginning of a new era. I had found my calling. Dance. F*****g. Fitness. 

Favorite Summer Albums of 2017

summer is almost over ;-; but these 10 albums made this summer v special for me and i highly recommend all of them :)

10. Aminé - Good For You

I’m not a big fan of Aminé but this album proved that he’s not a one hit wonder and has a LOT of potential. the album is very colorful, at times it sounds like the band fun. made a rap album tbh. also i personally care a lot about album covers and they actually affect the way i judge & listen to music, and this cover art is absolutely one of my favorite album covers of the year as it perfectly visualizes how the music sounds.

9. Haim -  Something to Tell You

ok maybe this album is not as strong as their first album but it’s the most “dream-girl-californian” type album that I’ve heard in a very long time, it’s like a soundtrack for all these tumblr blogs dedicated to highly stylized pictures of California and California girls and it’s amazing.

8. Calvin Harris - Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1

honestly, i never expected to like this album as much as i do but it’s like literally the definitive American summer album. and like it’s like one of those albums that no matter how much they tried to fuck it up, they couldn’t make it any less good than it is with the list of artists that are featured on it. i mean Frank Ocean on the first fucking track?? and then the rest of the album being equally good? double amazing! “Faking It” is one of my fav song of the year despite the fact that i almost threw my headphone the moment i head Lil Yachty screech at the very end of it to compliment Kehlani, smh.

7. Brockhampton - Saturation

Kevin Abstract is amazing. American Boyfriend is an amazing album and Saturation is like Brockhampton’s take on that album and beyond. extremely fresh sounding, the rapping of every member is unique and exciting, the band knows their audience and so their lyrics resonate extremely well in a genuine way which makes the album very relatable for people in their late teenage years/early 20s.

6. Mura Masa - MURA MASA

the cover art is great but clearly a rip off of The Life of Pablo. but that doesn’t change the fact that Mura Masa is consistently amazing. despite releasing half of the album before the official release, the non singles - particularly “Who Is It Gonna B” , “Nothing Else!” and “Messy Love” - are phenomenal and it has such a London sound, and he even described the album as a love letter to London. every time I hear it, it makes me wanna move to London <3

5. Queens of the Stone Age - Villains

okay i can’t really judge this yet because i only listened to the shit quality leak, but MAN, even with that shit quality, this album fucking RIPS. less accessible and more experimental than “...Like Clockwork” and heavier too. lyrically and conceptually, though, it sounds like it comes from the same headspace that resulted in “...Like Clockwork” but this album to me is like a very epic epilogue to the previous album. “Villains of Circumstance” is a masterpiece and a strong contender for the best closing track of any album this year.

4. Vince Staples - Big Fish Theory

i’ve talked about this album before but the more rap albums i heard these past few months, the more amazing this album became for me. i mean just go listen to Mike Will Made-It’s new album (or any other generic trap album from 2017) and Big Fish Theory back to back, and the difference in production and atmosphere says it all.

3. Tyler, the Creator - Flower Boy

i’ve also talked about this album before but this album this summer is what Blonde was last summer for me. it’s Tyler’s most defining work, and it only makes me excited to see how he will follow it up.

2. Lorde - Melodrama

this masterpiece soundtracked a lot of my sad & happy summer afternoons and nights. every time I listen to it, it reminds me what’s like to be 20 years old, and “Supercut” is the ultimate Lorde song ever tbh; amazing dance beat + intensely emotional lyrics. and that applies for most of Melodrama, every single emotion and feeling that Lorde expresses is actually felt.

1. Arcade Fire - Everything Now

believe it or not, in 2017, it’s unusual to like Arcade Fire. I’m still trying to figure out if the disappointment that this album brought to fans and critics is as a result of power of our absurdly high expectations, or the marketing campaign that pissed a lot of fans and critics off. either way, what matters for me is that I loved both the album promotion and the album itself. this is the best summer album (and potentially my favorite album) of 2017 for various reasons. for me a great album is an album that creates a world that makes me feel like I’m living in it for the duration that it has, and if it’s great enough, it makes me wanna live in that world forever (no matter how good or bad that world is). Arcade Fire are masters of teasing and promotion, and through a genius marketing strategy, they created a world for this album before it came out and after listening to the album few times after my initial disappointment with the singles, everything about it just made sense. the great irony about it is that despite its ridiculously complex and seemingly confusing promotion, the album itself is extremely direct and heartfelt. yes, the songs are extremely well produced and multi-layered, but what makes it amazing is just how personal it is. even in a song as colorful as “Everything Now”, there are some really dark lyrics. “Peter Pan” is about reaching an age when you start losing your parents (Win wrote it after realizing his dad is sick). “Put Your Money on Me” is a song where Win directly references his religious family and the dissatisfaction of his mother at his wedding, since Regine is apparently not of their faith. “Creature Comfort” and “Good God Damn” are both about a suicidal person (Win’s close friend) and why life is always better, even at its worst. and finally, “We Don’t Deserve Love”, an amazing heartbreaker about the simple concept that no matter how much we rely on people of higher status, whether our parents or religious figures, for love and connection, love and connection are inside us right from the start without us even realizing it sometimes. i think this album is the one that makes the most sense to me along with Father John Misty’s “Pure Comedy” - as both albums talk about the absurdity of our modern lives, yet in the end, both albums conclude with the statement that love is what matters the most at any stage of our life.

when will i learn to write an intro post

hello friens my name is kit im 19 and i use them/they pronouns. i love the color GREEN as u can tell and im a cancer ..... i literally don’t kno who i am besides that so ! ey letz gO  .... oh yea my timezone is mdt .  bu ckle . ... .. . u p

fiRST we have rocky whomst some of  u kNO bc he was That guy in paracosms anD created by the m ost crea tive  admins iv’e ever seEN i got blessedt 2 play him and to play him agAIN in literally the most mentally straining au for any character .... paracosms verse ! x 

i previously made an intro post for him here so i’m just gonna link it and walk away .. .. .... also his stats page still lives here !!! keeping in mind that he is no longer a drug ring leader ..... he recently discovered that his wHOLE LIFE is a LIE and that he’s a helpless robot stuck in hell with a bunch of other robots who want 2 murder him and every(robot)body he loves 

find his pinterest board here , someday a whole ass playlist too

neXT we have minjae ... he’s my oldest character in this batch but that doesn’t mean i especially love him .... just means i’ve made him suffer the longest .... . . . tw: child abuse ( pinterest board , playlist 1 , playlist 2 )

minjae is in the main verse ! find him bullshitting through college and b-boying in the camden streets 

he’s twenty-one and a virgo , born in busan , south korea 

he found his way to london when his parents sent him away to study abroad highkey because that’s a big fancy thing in korea they can brag about and lowkey to get rid of him for as long as they can 

his relationship with his family is ..... interestingly strained . his parents WON’T admit that he’s tiring as hell to deal with and how much stress he causes because they try their best to be supporting/loving parents but honestly minjae KNOWS how much they just wISH he was fucking gONE from their lives ( okay maybe not THAT intense but things rlly blow up in his head ) but he doesn’t even worry about it he just deals with the fact that he’s a terrible son

he was diagnosed with odd when he was eight years old, after his mom got tired and increasingly concerned with his disruptive and violent behavior

a few years prior , minjae’s biological dad left them and his mom kind of took it upon herself to try and make it up to him . that meant she was always careful around him and treated him as if he was fragile because minjae felt some blame that his dad left . 

his biological dad did Not have any patience for his kid’s mental health , meaning he and minjae would fight often to the point of getting physical . basically minjae endured a lot of getting locked up in the bathroom kicking and screaming until his voice grew hoarse and the occasional ..... bad beatings .

he went to therapy with his mom for two years before entering middle school , around the time his mom remarried a nice guy who had the patience of a saint when it came to minjae , even after he repeatedly rejected him as a part of their life . eventually minjae managed to warm up to him ..... he just didn’t wanna admit he was afraid he’d abandon them like his bio dad . 

despite the therapy he was still unstable and got into frequent fights . he was smart but he didn’t put it into any good use because he would rather fool around and disrupt the classroom at any slight chance . teachers .... hated this fuckass 

theN high school !! A Whole Mess ..... he got worse and worse , and it wasn’t until he got expelled from his Second high school that he went back to therapy for anger management . 

after months of sessions w/ his therapist he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder , which honestly explained Everything about his life . it explained his massive issues with interpersonal relationships , massive abandonment fear , massive moodiness , massive personality contradictions .... everythin g

he started b-boying because it was a way to push himself and let go of the anger without picking a fight with someone else ( altho he StilL picked the occasional fight .... highkey still does ) but he loved the control that came with dancing and how it hurt to push his body 

he managed to graduate despite what everyone thought ..... and even a bigger surprise is that he went to college majoring in math ..... and an evEN BIGGER SURPRISE is that he went overseas to study which is like ..... quite a difficult and impressive thing to do ..... tho minjae just finds math the easiest out of academic studies bc “all u need to do is understand and follow a formula” 

anYWAYS so his personality is generally very contradictory . he just has no fucking idea who he even is . thESE are from an old intro that i’m just putting here bc still tru:

being delusional w/ infatuation/love to the point of a fault vs running away when things actually start to go right with someone because of his fear of being abandoned by them

being so afraid of abandonment that he can’t stand being alone, always needs to be communicating with someone vs pushing people away when he feels like he’s getting attached because he’s afraid of abandonment 

swinging between being horny all the time and being sex repulsed

intense mood swings !!! having the time of his life one hour and wishing he was dead the next

thinks he’s the best vs loathes his entire being

wants everyone to love him vs thinking he deserves being alone

incredibly charming and talkative vs distant and moody

loving/cuddly/goofy vs jealous/purposely mean/bossy 

also never tell him its ok to text u bc he’ll give u notifications from Hell

dhwani mishra !!! honestly Bae . i’ve had her in my head for mONTHs and this is only the second time i play her rip . anyways say hello to this Hot Mom. tw: abuse , brief abortion mention 

dhwani is from chicago , she’s 36 and a leo .... literally The Whole SUN

she grew up w/ a generally large family . two parents , three sisters and a brother . it was a full house that often became suffocating but she managed to survive her childhood and teenhood . 

she’s extremely close with all her fam except her dad , bc they have always disagreed in almost everything and it’s just ..... awkward to be around him ?? she honestly doesn’t respect him much , even if she would never show him/tell him that . her dad had an abusive past w/ her mom , and dhwani still feels a lot of resentment that he would ever lay his hands on her in a violent way and mistreat her despite being the mother of his children . when she was a teenager , she would tell her mom to just divorce him but her mom was in a very toxic/old mentality and believed she would ruin her family and her children’s life if she did that . 

probably nobody cared about this as much as dhwani .... she promised herself she’d NEVER allow someone to do what her dad did to her mom and was honestly so defensive with guys . little did she kno it was the lesbian raging inside her . 

so because she had no idea what a lesbian was or that it was a possibility bc her household was not the type to really go into the topic of sex at all , she eventually got into a relationship with a guy in high school that she could actually put up with .... and got really disappointed when she was finally ‘ in love ’ because of how underwhelming it all was . her dreams about finding ‘ the one ’ were absolutely gone . she was like wtf why are people making such a big deal out of love when it feels like ...... kind of nothing ?? 

she became pregnant with his child which was completely unplanned and was such a huge turn in her life that she never ever expected . all this time she had been driven to start a career in chemistry and family would come way wayyy later , however she did Not want to give up her child ..... she was so torn about it but now she thinks not getting an abortion was the best decision of her life bc her little boy , one of her two little suns was brought into the world . 

she paused her career to raise him w/ her now husband when she was 29 , and three years later became pregnant again , this time w/ her second sun , an adorable lil baby girl . things were already going downhill in her marriage before she got pregnant again , though , and she stupidly thought that maybe another child would help them but ... wrong ! her husband , the man she thought she loved , was turning out to be exactly like her father . she put up w/ him for as long as she could .... but it did just not work out . when her daughter was two and her son five , she divorced him and someway or another managed to pick up her career again . 

she moved out with her kids into a small apartment , struggling with money and having to ask her parents for aid which wasn’t rlly good for her pride , despite that she and her mom were like best friends .

sHE made it to london by pure will after juggling her two children and working as a high school teacher , though when she got an offer to teach as a professor in a university w/ heR OWN LAB AND RESEARCH TEAM she could Not pass it up . the only problem was tht this job was across the ocean , and away from her family and everything she and her children knew . 

still , she saw a brighter future , not only for herself but especially for her kids , so she packed up and said goodbye to the states . 

she’s been teaching in soho for two years now and she still hasn’t really adjusted . it’s obviously a very different life than the one she had in chicago , but she’s very determined to make it work . also she’s recently discovering her repressed inner lesbian so hmu for plots !!! ;))) 

shE’S a chemistry professor so ... @ any student connections hmu ... also any students whomst want 2 be on her research team A++ 

pERSONALity wise .... she’s a mess . she’s very lively and warm and inviting , but she is also extremely stubborn and unrestrained . you don’t agree w/ something she does ? Suck It . you have a stupid opinion ? Time to let u kno how absolutely wrong u are . she is NOT afraid of a fight . also she’s v scatterbrained .... there is so much on her schedule that she can barely keep up w/ so she’s never like ... calm . always going somewhere , always pacing places , chugging her coffee , carrying 789479 folders and books everywhere . 

hER class is pretty much this vine 

probably one of the least chill professors on campus in the best way possible . she’s so excited about chemistry and teaching her students . altho she is lenient and understanding she can also b strict af and doesn’t allow her kindness to b taken advantage of . rlly good at drawing lines . 

also her children are her whole world and she loves to brag about them ... since she doesn’t get enough time w/ them at home she sometimes takes them to her lab on campus or they’re there being a mess during her office hours and stressing her out but she’s 2 fond of them to leave them w/ their babysitter . 

oK so here is her v incomplete pinterest board ... expect a playlist Soon 

lAST BUT NOT LEAST is santana !!! he is ... a solid trip . this is my first time playing him so i’m puMPED and expecting the worst of him fhuidshfiusdhg. tw: drug use , abuse , alcoholism 

he is 23 , a Cancer , n from LA california like that red hot chili peppers song(s)

his childhood wasn’t chill at all . he grew up with four sisters and three brothers , so his parents never really had time for all of them individually . they were always kind of lumped together despite the differences in age . santana was one of the middle children so he got evEN LESS attention . 

he honestly does not understand what his parents were thinking when they had EIGHT whole kids , because they were poor as shit . they lived in a tiny house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms , where all the girls would be in 1 room , the boys in the other , and their parents in th third one . you could Not catch a moment of peace in this household . they basically lived on top of each other .

his older siblings were very bad influences , and so were his parents . it was all tough love , so he barely received any kindness or special treatment and had 2 go to school even if he was dying w/ the flu and got hit Bad when he acted out even a little bit bc his parents were Not about to deal w/ any disrespect . he actually pretty much got hit for just existing bc his parents didn’t want dumb kids and santana was failing in Everything at school so his dad especially tried to beat it into him but really he wasn’t dumb he had dyslexia and no one knew or cared enough to find out .

still , they didn’t really respect their children enough to demand their respect . they would cuss all of them tf out and allow them little to no privacy so they all became rEALLY GOOD liars , and all of them learned to have each other’s backs but rlly this only lasted during their childhoods/teenhoods . 

santana started doing really stupid shit during high school and once he got caught stealing wine from a grocery store w/ all his dumb little high school friends whomst were in possession of weed and ended up in juvenile prison for two years until he turned 18 . thEN while he was on parole he didn’t learn his fucking lesson and his parents/family were not supportive At All honestly it’s like they didn’t give 2 shits that he was in juvie they were just like ‘that’s what happens when you’re a goddamn moron’ so santana went out and did it aGAIN bc fuck parental guidance anyways

this time he got caught stealing a whole fucking car and in possession of not only weed but cocaine so he got locked up for 4 long ass years . honestly thought that he wouldn’t make it out but he rlly learned a lot in prison and he was used to getting no privacy anyways and just kinda dealt . the prison system he was stuck in Sucked so bad though like the guards were the Worst and he’d try to stay out of fights but Some Fucker would piss him off and BOOM he’d end up in the hole for a whole week . 

hOWEVER if it wasn’t for being there he would’ve never discovered his passion of art and drawing . he got Really Fucking good bc he had nothing else to do but sit around and try to find anything to pour all of his pent up energy into and drawing happened to be his greatest outlet . would just sit for as long as they let him and draw his time away . 

when he got out he went back to his fam but they were pretty much all split up . shit went Down while he was locked up and somehow his parents ended up w/ a giant grudge on their children and some of his siblings wanted to kill each other while others had just completely moved away to different parts of the states and had absolutely no communication w/ each other . 

santana decided to fuck it and pursue his dreams of being a tattoo artist far from LA and just decided to move to a different country entirely . 

Now u can find him giving tattoos in his apartment bc he doesn’t have enough $$$ to get a studio and while he Is training under a professional he’s not getting paid by them so he needs to make money somehow . it’s a secret that he’s tattooing when he’s not supposed to tho . Fuck the law . 

personality !!!! he’s basically .... very chill .... perhaps 2 chill .... 

even tho drugs got him some bad time in prison he hasn’t left them . still very 420 friendly and occasionally does the hard stuff . also loves 2 drink and party . 

he’s irresponsible !!!! he feels like he lost a lot of his life in prison so he’s trying to make up for it and while he’s being more careful ..... he still loves 2 fuck shit up .

he gets way too comfortable around people way too easily . he thinks this is a trait he picked up in jail bc he rlly had no other option but to shower with a bunch of dudes and shit out in the open , so he’s very comfortable with his body and being in the nude in general . also a touchy guy , likes cuddles and appreciates hugs . random meaningless touches are a Habit . 

he loves to hang and do whatever so if ur his friend chances are tht he’s hitting u up 24/7 to go do something . biggest extrovert there is . does not get tired of being in public / around people . also p flirty and gay as hell . 

sO find his pinterest board here and i’m also in the process of finishing a playlist for him hopefully soon 

thAT WOULD BE ALL FOR NOW !!! hmu and feel free to add me on discord ( a whole silly boy#2690 , k��t (catastrothicc) in the group chat ) for plots and such !!!