#I was going to find something truly profound about friendship becoming love and what not
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murder or idiot were the only viable options
#I was going to find something truly profound about friendship becoming love and what not#and then my hand slipped and I had posted it the way it is#started with the first half— but I had to show his range in choosing lovers— didn't I#Dream of the Endless#TheSandmanEdit#SandmanEdit#Dreamling#sandmancentral#Hob Gadling#Calliope#Lord Morpheus#dcedit#netflixedit#Morpheus#Dream#The Sandman#The Sandman Incorrect Quotes#if on mobile click on the pic for better readability haha#Honestly Dream is such an intense lil b.#Look at him go.#buns.edits
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slowly yours
pairing. chigiri hyoma x gn!reader
content. 1.2k wc | part 2 of this one (it's chigiri's pov yey!) | idiot bffs finally into lovers | this is me trying to comfort chigiri lovers ;)
at the reckless age of 16, chigiri hyoma had come to understand that invisible lines existed.
lines that, once crossed, could change everything.
he had seen the consequences play out in novels, the heartache and longing that followed ill-fated confessions, imprinting upon him a cautiousness that would shape his actions.
and usually, he loves lines that draw the thrill of victory. he relished the sensation of crossing finish lines with his unparalleled speed.
not this one, however. this one held stakes that were too high.
it was the line that separated friendship from something more, the delicate boundary that stood between him and the unspoken emotions that pulsed between you.
would it upset you if he told you he knew?
he knew about all the times you stayed behind him, felt the weight of your quiet affections hanging in the air whenever you were together. your subtle gestures, stolen glances, and tender moments whispered of a connection that ran deeper than what you claim you two are.
he knew about it.
and yet, he hesitated. because he also knew what it meant to be in love with someone you call your best friend.
but as days turned into months and months into years, the line between friendship and something more blurred. chigiri couldn't help but wonder if his hesitation was costing him something greater. he yearned to bridge the gap, to pause for a moment and truly see you, to cross that line and explore the profound depths that lay beyond.
he had come so close, so very close.
until time stood still for chigiri hyoma, and everything went downhill from there.
“hyoma, please slow down. you will hurt yourself. the doctors said –”
“leave me alone,” chigiri's voice cut through the air, his stubbornness unwavering.
with every stride, his pace quickened, leaving you struggling to keep up. the worry in your voice went unheard as he pushed himself further.
“alright, i won't stop you,” you said, your voice tinged with a mix of desperation, “but let me be by your side. please, i need you to wait for me.”
the words left your lips in a pained and choked voice, as if you were begging him not just to slow down physically.
for a brief moment, chigiri almost stopped in his own tracks, as if compelled to hold you, to acknowledge the depth of your plea, to hold your heart that has been breaking for him.
but he didn’t, not when he was drowning in his own sorrow from his now broken dreams.
he can’t afford to cross no damn line, at that time. it wasn’t just right to be with you when he’s becoming half a soul.
he knew you’d understand; you always did. but he just can’t find the right words to articulate how hellish it felt to run faster than everyone else only to meet an edge of the cliff. his pain was his alone, something he couldn't burden you with.
and so, he looked away, even when he wanted nothing more than to let his eyes wander in yours. letting go of your hand that wasn’t even his to hold, yet.
it had been years since that aching chase, the echoes of your pleading voice still resonating in his memories. the image of you, determined and breathless, calling out his name with a mix of determination and yearning, remained etched in his mind.
but he couldn't help but think of himself as pathetic — for hoping that even after all those years, it would still be you and him in the end.
as the memories of that fateful chase played in chigiri's mind, he found himself transported to a different scene— the bustling stadium filled with cheering spectators. the air was electric with excitement, and the sound of the crowd echoed in his ears.
was he being greedy for wishing you were here?
it didn't matter if your cheers were swallowed by the surrounding multitude, drowning in the sea of sounds. you didn't even have to scream his name for your cheers to reach his heart. as long as you were there, watching him, nothing else mattered.
the stadium was filled with a frenzy of cheers and anticipation as chigiri stepped onto the field. his focus was on the game ahead, the adrenaline coursing through his veins, oblivious to the presence of a familiar figure in the crowd.
but fate, as it would have it, intervened.
chigiri's gaze met yours, and for a fleeting second, time seemed to stand still. in that instant, you could see a hint of recognition in his eyes—a spark of connection that transcended the noise and commotion around you.
it was as if the world fell away, leaving only the two of you locked in a silent exchange.
in that shared moment, words became unnecessary.
because to him, in that one single profound glance, he swears your eyes look like coming home. and it’s everything he needs to know.
he was damn well going to cross that line.
minutes turned into hours, and as the final whistle blew, marking the end of the match, chigiri's gaze sought yours once more. amidst the sea of unfamiliar faces, your familiar eyes were all that he could see.
and there you were, just as you had always been.
“hey there, striker.”
“you came,” he whispered, surprise coloring his voice.
a soft smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you stepped closer, the distance between you diminishing. “of course i did,” you replied, your voice filled with warmth and a hint of self-deprecation. “i’m a bit late, though. you know me, i'm always a bit slow.”
chigiri's lips formed a gentle smile, a silent acknowledgement of the parallels that danced between past and present. “i know,” he murmured, his gaze never leaving yours.
in the midst of victory and the deafening cheers, neither of you could bring yourselves to look away.
with a mixture of trepidation and determination, you asked, “is it okay?” if i was late? if i was slow? if it took me time?
all of these questions hung on your lips, but there was no need to voice them. something in your eyes told him that you weren't just referring to your late arrival to his game.
your eyes have always been so damn expressive, it’s hard to not know what you were thinking. it was as if your eyes held a language of their own, one that he longed to learn.
“it never bothered me. i could wait, if it's you i’m waiting for.”
the years of pining and longing were encapsulated in those simple words, their double meanings understood by both of you.
“we have a lot of lost time to make up for,” you said, searching for reluctance in his expression.
he didn’t respond right away, instead, he started making his way towards you. with each step, the invisible lines that had held him back faded into insignificance.
and now, he’s standing in front of you. chigiri hyoma was finally in front of you, facing your heart laid before his eyes.
and in that single, profound moment where your eyes finally met, the weight of unspoken words melted away. the stadium faded into the background, and it was just the two of you, suspended in time.
“no need to rush. we have all the time…” he reassured, his voice steady and brimming with a gentle warmth.
softly smiling at you, he continued, “we'll take it your way, we'll take it slow.”
note. maybe i got a bit carried away w these friends/bffs to lovers trope all around my fyp and decided to fool around to make this, it's not the best but i really love pinning :( and wanted to write something abt it :( this wasn't proofread at all pls tolerate my laziness (also also i was listening to gold rush and run by ts for thisss)
to that anon, here you go!
#☁️ my ode to you#chigiri hyoma x reader#chigiri x reader#chigiri hyoma#chigiri hyoma fluff#chigiri hyoma x y/n#chigiri x y/n#blue lock x reader#blue lock imagines#blue lock fluff#bllk x reader#bllk imagines#hyoma chigiri x reader#hyoma chigiri
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ON YOUR MARKS
After a bit of a haitus, I have resumed my HINDSIGHT series of essays, rewatching and reflecting upon episodes in the series after it ended.
On Your Marks is truly extraordinary storytelling. It's the first crusader episode to follow up on the CMC's after they earn their marks.
In this story, Apple Bloom suffers from an existential crisis. The Crusaders all got their cutie marks in helping others with their cutie mark problems, but in reality, cutie mark problems are actually relatively rare. This begs the question: what are the three of them supposed to do now?
After a meeting, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo decide to go their separate ways - to try new interests - to explore other hobbies and experiences purely for the joy of it.
Scootaloo is excited to try bungee jumping. Sweetie Belle is thrilled to experiment with crochet. Apple Bloom, however, is embittered and heartbroken at the idea of having to do things on her own. She sings a melancholy country ballad about it and everything!
She even gets so wrapped up in her own lonliness, that she fails to recognize a cutie mark problem when she sees it.
Of course, it all gets resolved in the end. After much misunderstanding and drama, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo finally manage to get Apple Bloom to understand that they're still friends - that separating to try new things every once in a while doesn't affect their friendships - that it's healthy to pursue their own hobbies.
The three of them rush to solve that cutie mark problem that had been hiding right under Apple Bloom's nose - a young colt who loves to dance, but lacks the courage to perform.
This episode will be remembered mostly for how well it set the tone for the crusaders' future development, and of course, for its triumphant climax at the dance recital. I see in it, however, a profound insight into Apple Bloom's psyche.
If you think about it, the whole reason that the crusaders formed in the first place was because of Apple Bloom's existential crisis. All three of them were eager to earn their marks, but Apple Bloom is the one who seemed most desperate to fill a void in her life. To see that same desperation resurface even after they have their marks? To see that Apple Bloom is the only crusader to have these sorts of identity issues? To view the world through her eyes, and see her terror, resentment, and depression at the prospect of doing things alone - enjoying them for enjoyment's sake?
It shows us that Apple Bloom has issues that run far deeper than mere cutie marks.
Children who lose parents or siblings at an early age often grow up feeling like something is missing - even if they can't rationally explain what that something is. They become questing personalities.
Apple Bloom will always be prone to existential crisis because she lost her parents when she so very young. The void in Apple Bloom can never truly be filled.
But this doesn't make her a hopeless or tragic character. After all, everyone has some baggage or another. If anything, it makes her ultimate path as an instructor all the more noble. Apple Bloom defines her own meaning in relation to others - not just amongst her friends, but also her cutie mark clients. Helping others find meaning in their lives is what infuses Apple Bloom's own life with meaning. Her eventual career path at the School of Friendship will give her countless opportunities to lead, and to teach, and to quench her psychological thirst.
It's a calling. And it's beautiful. Apple Bloom's devotion toward others is a light that shines all the brighter because of the tragedy it comes from. The show never explicitly states this, but in hindsight, it couldn't be clearer.
-Sprocket
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#my little pony: friendship is magic#my little pony#mlp#mlp:fim#analysis#cutie mark crusaders#apple bloom#altruism
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The Layers of Love.
After having a conversation with you, we both agreed that my writings have been becoming repetitive. I can't help it, there are many things about you that I want to focus on. Your love, your kindness, your sexuality, your beauty, and many more. I think there's something profound in the surface-level beauties that I can bask in, soak in. However, there are times, like these, when going deep and searching within me is what's right.
You said to me, this morning, that you wanted to ask me more questions, to learn about me deeply. I'm here to oblige and answer what big questions you may have for me; what's most important to me. I've come to realize, over a very short period of time, that you're most important to me. These spurring feelings inside of me have never happened before, and they've existed since the seeds of our friendship were planted. Let me explain.
Why do I love you? I could reel off a list of your lovely attributes that I fancy, or perhaps write forty-four sonnets about your absolute beauty, but that's not enough; it conveys parts of you that I love, but it won't explain why. No, rather, it's in the profound trust we have in one another, how we understand what each other needs as often as we feasibly can, and how we demonstrate our feelings for one another. There are so many layers to love that you and I have already broken through. I think it helps to draw upon the Greek layers of love, in this case.
Eros: the passionate, burning, sexual love.
While this isn't the first aspect of love that we found, we've certainly grown into it. The flickering of our eyes meeting during a fateful night and riding high on our ambitions. We surprised each other with our prowess and were immediately in trouble. "I'm in danger..." It's the breathtaking, burning fire type of love that's within us. You and I breathe this fire, claw upon it with our nails, and actively wish to torment each other's bodies until they collapse into a sweating puddle. We're set on making each other finish until not another finger can be laid upon us. We purchase kink toys, torture each other with mental images during work, and generally make life hard for one another. I love this part of you because it's the desire that you have deep in the pit of your stomach, it yearns for something in me that will knock your dopamine receptors to the ground. I want you to burn for me, as you well know that I burn for you. This is the love that will keep me inventing: spontaneity! I want to have this level of fun with you for a lifetime.
Philia: the affectionate, friendly love.
This is where we've thrived for years. It's soul bonds and where we find trust; this type of love has existed in us since the start. How our absolutely crazy relationship started in Macro Theory makes sense because of this; we trusted each other then, and we do now. I think, for the longest time, you've been honest with who you are; an open book. Your willingness to try and see the true value in others is why you and I have achieved philia together, and I have to thank you for that. It's rare that you find someone who you can trust with every thought you've ever had, let alone fall in love with that person. Philia is how I feel about you at all times; when you're feeling down, when you're sick, when you develop a new bruise, achieve your physical goals, do well at work, and have fun during a night out; I want what's best for you. It's innate, I don't have to think about it twice. I want you to thrive, truly, and I know that's philia. In history, philia is often born our of eros, but for us eros came from philia. To me, this is a stronger bond than most and is often why I say philosophers, writers, and artists will never be able to exactly capture why we love one another so dearly. They often found love in the former sense, not in our sense. This platonic, meaningful, and sweet love between us is essential, and I appreciate it each day.
Storge: familial, one-sided love.
This is a love we haven't had much of a chance to explore, yet. While you see familial and think, "oh, this is about being a family with children"... yes and no. It's derived from one-sided love, typically in a family, but it's related to philia without the expectation of reciprocation. When we say that we'd go to war for each other, do what's needed to ensure each other's safety, that's storge. It doesn't matter what happens to us, it's about the other. I think that's beautiful in its own right. Storge is also a comfort type of love; that ease of being goofy and casual, not having to worry or dress it up, fits here, too. I'd argue that we're building on this idea of love, and the building blocks come from within... it's not based on me kissing you a million times, but rather when I look over at you while you're working and say "I'd do everything in the world to make you happy".
Agape: unconditional, universal love.
This is the one you know best, from books at least. This is selfless love, and is the hardest to achieve. This is not love that we share between each other, but rather love that we extend outwardly. The example that I'd love to showcase is when we took a walk together on that trail. We were enjoying each other's company, but our aura was shining outwardly and radiating positivity toward others. I remember those two ladies commenting on us! I believe that you practice agape well and are trying to further yourself in it. You wish to understand others better, deeper, than what they're willing to share initially. You want to truly know someone, and I believe that's beautiful. In history, this is the hardest love to sustain, and may take a toll on the individual who wishes to wield it. When you recharge, have your own downtime, is when I see you retreat from agape. It's not that you lose a level of love, but rather focus inward to, once again, grace the world with your presence. I find enjoyment in seeing you grow, watching you make waves in others' lives. You're a local legend, a yoga-barn-loving fool, and have a lasting impact on everyone you speak to. Your understanding of agape has existed since the beginning of time, and it's something in you that I truly admire; perhaps one of the most important aspects of your character that I value. Your effortless handling of this type of love, and willingness to grow further into it, is commendable as it is gorgeous. Please, never give this idea up.
Ludus: the flirtatious, playful love.
Ludus is where that easy, breezy, beautiful (covergirl HA) love exists. Most people tend to think of this love as the love that causes a crush or a fling, but I think it works hand-in-hand with eros. The spontaneous flirtation that we have, the fun that we get in chasing each other around the kitchen and frolicking to records in the living room... that's ludus. It's the love that feels fun and funky, the love that makes us enter a room and do those things with our hands like we're interprative dancers! It's the lightweight type of love that makes us want to dance in fields, dress in specific outfits for the laughs, and put pens atop of our lips. Silly geese, that's what we are. I'd argue that you and I have found ourselves in ludus for many years without a crush on each other. We've always been down for whatever, ready to go and experience life, and want to do a million things with our endless energy! Recently, we've been toning it down as we realize we need to sleep and enjoy in each other's company, but the sentiment remains, and I'm so glad that it does. Ludus, to me, represents the ease in loving you. It feels natural and enjoyable, and bleeds into everything that we stand for. It's why we're a bright couple!
Pragma: the committed, long-lasting kind of love.
Ah, here's where we are now! Did we think we'd make it here when we became friends? Fuck no! I realized this in December, and so did you. How complex and difficult it was to understand at first, that I had fallen for my close friend and didn't wish to lose you. The fallout, the redemption, the deep love that we have for one another. If we can make it through that, we can make it through anything. This level of commitment in me is something I've never had before. I just want you, only you, forever. Be mine. I'll do anything in this world to be with you, to love you until the world ends and then further; until we return to the stars. Pragma is more than this, however, and it's where we are now. It's the deep questions, learning about what each other wants, compromise, determination, and more; it's where couples really start to work with one another. I'm glad that you're open with me as I am with you, and wish to learn about me deeper; this is where pragma trumps agape in a relationship; you're not only wishing the best for me, you wish to know me inside and out. You'll grow with me here in the way that I will with you. When we're looking back on our time together, sipping on coffee at 65 in our Parisian-style estate, it's pragma that will have brought us there. I'm looking forward to this journey with you.
Philautia: self-love.
This love is considered equally as difficult as agape, and loads more important. Without self-love, we cannot love others. You and I love ourselves, and we understand self-love differently. It's important that we have this time for ourselves, to develop on our own and experience life in our own regard, before sharing in it with each other. Our breathwork journey is a great example of this; we went together but had the ceremony for ourselves, knowing that we were just inches away if we needed each other. I like keeping a part of you with me. No matter how far away we spend from each other, working on ourselves to ensure that we're happy with our own beings, you're still with me. However, philautia demands respect, time, and attention. Taking moments for myself, like writing this prose on the levels of love, is philautia to me; I feel healed being able to express how we love each other through the lens of historic, hopeless romanticism. Perhaps I'll write about my heart longing for you again, or why I think we'll last a million years, how I think your soul is the gift that heaven graced on earth, and more. All of the music, laying on the carpet and listening, is healing to me. I love taking what you give to me and processing it for myself, learning something new within me and coming to understand it. The world around me is teaching me, and I'm glad that I have you to help guide me into new directions where I can process my own emotions. I know that I can love you because I've learned to love myself.
Being with you for eternity is exciting when we've already touched upon the essentials of love so early in our lives. We're meant for each other, truly.
I love you, Kelsey.
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The Wanderer is Finally Home
There are many different ways to define friendship and love. It is something that requires profound discussion which sometimes results in argument. But what is friendship actually all about? And how can we be certain that it is something we should keep?
We didn't have a home of our own, and we are always moving from city to city. I had to transfer a lot to different schools. As a child, I am already used to it. Perhaps as a result, although I've learned how to be friendly and sociable, I find it hard to maintain friendships. I was in 9th grade when we moved to Bicol. There I met Erica. She is afraid of me, despite the fact that others perceive me to be an outgoing person. She thought that every time she tried to approach me, I radiated a nonchalant and serious atmosphere towards her. Most of the time, she would compare me to a tigress that she had to tame.
As classmates, we would even treat each other as competitors. The beginning of our friendship didn't go well. I can't really say that we hated each other, but somehow, we aren't really a good match because of our differences. But later, these differences strengthened our bond. It seems as though we have become each other's missing piece, which would complete us as masterpieces. Distance and time may just be a few of the challenges, yet it did not stop us from nurturing our relationship. It's amusing to us that our relationship lasted and became deeper when I had to move away. I can now prove that place and time are irrelevant to the kind of relationship that you sincerely have with someone if you truly wish to cherish them forever. It feels like I am finally home. I don't have to wander anymore trying to search for my soulmate, she has come openly and willingly to my life. I'm not a wandering soul anymore.
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astrology notes: mars (pt. 1)
mars in aries
at home in its own sign, you’re very sure about its desires. passions burn brightly, and you know exactly who and what you want. being cardinal, mars in aries likes to take the initiative, and does tend to rush at people in a way that can be quite intimidating to those who like to make decisions more slowly. the person with mars in Aries is excited by the pursuit, however, so rejections and evasions only serve to fuel the fire. finding it hard to admit defeat, they cannot believe that they won't get what they want, and will see the slightest ambiguity as grounds for optimism. the mars in aries does have a tendency to enjoy the chase more than the end result, so that they often lose interest in people once they have have them. they are then likely to run away just as fast as they were pursuing before :/ someone who wants to retain the interest of this person will need to remain always a little elusive.
people with mars in aries feel energized by sexual desire - even if it is not fulfilled, it will make them feel more vital and alive. very intuitive and trusting to instinct and gut reactions, they know exactly what is right for them, and will not compromise. they either desire people or not, the second they meet them: there is no uncertainty or doubt with them. the person with this mars often appears much more confident than they feel, and may tend to look for an identity through their lovers, and try to prove themselves through sex. these people may go to great lengths to prove how independent they are, when they are really trying to define themselves through action. sex, therefore, to these people can assume huge symbolic significance; and they may invest the object of their desire with almost mystical status. they are searching for a hero to fire and inspire them, to help them discover the hero within. to this end, they may have to go on a long and lonely journey, facing many difficulties and rejections before they become the truly independent individual they need to be. life holds many hard lessons for people with mars in aries. they step into each new sexual involvement with careless impulsiveness, naively believing that this one will be much easier than the last, and forgetting that aries must pit itself against adversity in order to develop strength and self-reliance.
these people are attracted to sharply defined individuals of strong character. they enjoy a certain amount of combativeness and competition with their sexual partners, and are often quite sharp and argumentative with those they find attractive. sexual desire strirs up anger for them; and they often feel safer expressing anger to lovers than to anyone else. it is important to them that the other person is strong enough to handle this, and can give as good as they get. there is a need for the lover to be of equal strength, and they will feel irritated by someone who gives in to them all the time, and will soon lose interest in such a person. they cannot be pushed into things themselves, and tend to despise those who can. although they may be critical of their lovers themselves, they will fight ferociously to defend them against anyone else who dares to attack their loved ones.
honest, open and direct, mars in aries likes to let their potential lovers know exactly how they feel. it’s important to them that things are straight-forward and that there is no confusion. they in turn like to know exactly where they stand, and cannot bear any form of deception. they have romantic ideals about sex, and need to be true to themselves, so that the pretence involved in having sex with someone that they do not really want or when they do not want it can be very disturbing to them. mars in aries is not really looking for physical sensation, but rather for some kind of spiritual fulfillment through sex. these people seek spiritually unity, a fusing and oneness with their lover which transcends the physical act. through it, they hope to experience a moment of bliss in which they have abandoned separateness and become one with their lover.
mars in taurus
someone with this placement will have a good connection to their instinctual, physical needs. this will be a strong, no-nonsense person with a matter of fact attitude towards sex; someone who gets enormous enjoyment from their sexual relationships, and with wide tastes. these people could be into sex for its own sake, as pure physical pleasure, with no trimmings. they are comfortable with their own bodies and physical desires. more gentle types could find them too careless and direct.
with mars in any of the earth signs, there is the propensity to split love and sex; but someone with mars in taurus is most prone to this, simply because their desire nature is so strong. these are not people who can easily be celibate, so if there is no-one in their lives who really matters to them, they are still going to look for sexual partners. they may have a pragmatic view of these liaisons, unaware of their own double standards, as when they are deeply involved with someone on a feeling level their values change dramatically.
taurus is arguably the most possessive sign of the zodiac, and someone with mars in it may claim total ownership rights over their sexual partner. this differs from the emotional possessiveness of someone with mars in scorpio, as with taurus the partner becomes a prized object (trophy wife) in which they invest a part of themselves. infidelity is so completely threatening to these people that it is intolerable (though they may be cheaters themselves lol). they will value their partners highly, treat them as a possession, as an extension of themselves, and expect and demand absolute faithfulness. to say that they are jealous and possessive of loved ones is an understatement.
this is a very primitive mars placement; we are dealing with a neolithic person here. we’re in 2020 and the rest of the world developed more liberated attitudes to relationships, but they’re not easily filtered through to a mars in taurus person. this is someone who has traditional expectations and is likely to want to play a traditional role in relationships. they will build a relationship slowly, not one to rush into things, and will take their time to get to know a prospective partner. a sexual involvement does not necessarily mean to them that a relationship is underway. they will evaluate a potential relationship in a pragmatic way. once involved, they are loyal and reliable, and are not afraid of making a commitment. they are at their best when in a secure relationship.
mars in gemini
gemini is the most restless of all the air signs; and people with mars here can barely remain still for a minute. they are constantly on the go, moving from place to place and person to person. finding it hard to survive for long without talking, if they cannot actually be with people they will want to be on the phone.they’re likely social media addicted and will find it really hard to concentrate their desire on one person, as sex to them may simply be a way into a friendship. in this way, these people are frequently starting new sexual relationships only to cool off almost immediately. this tends to make their relationships very complicated, when they want to continue on a friendship-only/friends w benefits basis, but the other person sees it as a sexual partnership. no one is more evasive than the mars in gemini person; and it is almost impossible to pin them down. their desires change from moment to moment, which makes it very difficult for them to commit themselves to any one person. because sex and companionship are so closely linked for them, being sexually faithful feels like only being allowed to talk to one person - a fate they find it hard to contemplate. besides, their attitude to sex tends to be rather lighthearted and playful, and so they cannot understand why others should get so heavy and possessive about it.
they are attracted to lively, exciting people who are fun to be with, and often younger people. mars in gemini people are not very interested in physical beauty, but are excited by a lively mind and sharp sense of humour. they may get very argumentative when they are attracted to someone, and will enjoy it if the person responds in kind. i noticed they’re turned on by arguing, as if it’s a form of courtship to them, and like to chat and joke through sex itself.
as gemini is intensely curious, they’re likely to wonder exactly what sex would be like with each person they meet, and to get a great deal of pleasure from speculating on this or just talking about sex. these people are tremendous flirts, as for them flirting can be a kind of verbal intercourse which is an end in itself. this can be very confusing to who they talk to, for they may believe that they’re being offered something that just isn't there and has no way of knowing that what they’re taking part in is not a prelude to sex but an alternative to it. crazy. the duality of gemini also means that there is a side of these people that wants much more than this casual, superficial pleasure which leaves them feeling deeply dissatisfied. deep inside, there is a part of them that craves profound and meaningful connections; and sex for them can be a form of communication that goes much deeper than words. for mars in gemini people, it's essential that their sexual partner is also a friend who will listen to them and talk to them. in order for them to feel truly desired, they have to be wanted as a person and a friend rather than just for sex.
mars in cancer
someone with this mars is going to move cautiously wherever failure and rejection are a possibility. like the crab, these people will never approach their objective head-on. they will act carefully and pay attention to what kind of response they’re eliciting. in relationships, they will not want to risk rejection, and will often not make a move unless sure of being accepted. these people will use their sensitivity to the non-verbal signals to judge how safe it is before risking a refusal. however, cancer is a cardinal sign, so despite their self-protectiveness they can and will initiate. when they feel emotionally secure, either because the external situation is non threatening or from an inner security established within themselves, they can act passionately and powerfully.
this is a sexually passionate placement with deep and intense needs for emotional safety within a relationship. people with mars in cancer are particularly likely to want sexual contact to reassure them that they are wanted, although this need to be wanted extends beyond the sexual and will permeate their whole life. they may try to make themselves indispenable to others so that they will never be abandoned. in sexual relationships, they need to feel they belong, to feel protected and secure, and will in turn offer a sense of protection and containment to their partner.
mars in cancer will often mother their partner and want mothering themselves. they enjoy taking care of others, both physically and emotionally. they are likely to be gentle, kindly and sympathetic. they will recognize and value the deeper exchanges of a sexual union and the bonds that exist on a feeling level. these people are likely to be possessive and to expect their partner to be completely faithful, though they will not necessarily apply this same standard to themselves. however, they will remain faithful if their infidelity threatens their security or violates their feeling of belonging to someone else.
mars in leo
you desires with passionate intensity; and, like mars in aries, tends to attribute mythical qualities to those you want. you people are looking for someone larger than life, whom you can truly admire; and because of this you tend to expect a great deal from their lovers. mars in leos are prone to serial monogamy, falling passionately in love with someone who seems to embody all the qualities they want. during this phase, they will see the lover as perfect, and will be arresting in their praise. they will devote all their energy and attention to pleasing this person until the imperfections begin to appear. then they begin to feel angry and cheated as though the lover has deliberately set out to deceive them and let them down. the tendency then is to be very critical and see only the bad whereas before they had seen only the good.
people with mars in leo like to dramatize, so they will tend to draw a lot of people in to sympathize with their disappointment. they are proud and unyielding, so this pattern tends to be repeated many times before they are able to stop blaming others and see how fixed and unrealistic expectations bring about their own disappointment. for them, sex is generally one of life's pleasures. they give a great deal of attention to setting the scene and creating the right atmosphere. their bedroom will be the most important room in the home, and will likely be beautifully decorated in rich, romantic colours.
sex is an important performance to them; and they like everything to be exactly right. it’s like staging the first night of a play; and great care is taken to ensure success. they know exactly what pleases people and enjoy giving pleasure, always bearing in mind that sex should be entertaining. they are generous with compliments and attention, and are able to make their partner feel really prized. because their self-esteem is bound up with sex, mars in leo people can be very sensitive to criticism and rejection. there is a strong tendency to feel that they have to put on a great performance in order to prove that they are better lovers than anyone else; and this can rob them of some of their natural spontaneity. when they trust their instincts, they have an intuitive knowledge of what is pleasurable; and this, together with their warmth and enthusiasm, can make them great lovers.
people with mars in leo are attracted to success. they tend to look to their sexual partners to confirm their identity and enhance their status, so that achievement, wealth and fame are all things that turn them on. they like the good life and enjoy luxury, so someone who can offer these things is likely to seem very attractive to them; and they also get great pleasure from sharing their own good fortune. they have a great capacity for enjoying life. these people's pleasures are very important to them, so it is vital to them that their lovers have a sense of fun and are able to share these pleasures with them. they will quickly lose interest in someone who lacks a strong appetite for life/with a negative mindset.
mars in leo people can be very arrogant and high-handed at times. their belief that they are a law unto themselves can create a lot of conflict, drama and heartbreak in their relationships. they find it difficult to back down once they have taken a stand, and they may rather end a relationship rather than admit they are wrong. touchy and easily hurt, they feel humiliated by rejection, and tend to need constant reassurance of their desirability. neing belittled or made fun of feels like death to the them; and anyone who does this will kill off any desire immediately. in order for a relationship to flourish, this person needs to feel appreciated and respected; and their partner must be attentive and generous with praise and encouragement. if these things are not forthcoming, the mars in leo will feel unwanted and turned off. to them, sex is life-giving and vital to their sense of identity. these people are seeking to discover their own uniqueness through it, and so put themselves wholeheartedly into it. it’s a creative act for them; and they need to feel proud of what they do. they are highly principled where sex is concerned, regarding faithfulness and loyalty as essential to a successful relationship.
mars in virgo
someone with this mars will be moderate and self-contained. they will have the sensual sensitivity that all the earth signs possess, but they will be reserved in expressing it. sex does not matter much to them. unlike mars in taurus, they have no desire in the abstract so they are quite capable of long periods of celibacy if there is no-one around that interests them. when in a new relationship, however, they will initially be very sexually active, trying to make up for previous abstinence.
while someone with mars in virgo still takes sensual pleasure in their body for its own sake and very into masturbation, this is tempered by a practical, matter-of-fact attitude to physical needs and desires. this is not someone who is easily drawn into the excesses of a mars in taurus; mars in virgo is far more circumspect and health-conscious. someone with mars in virgo will have considerable caution in getting involved in a relationship. they do not want to make a mistake, and will select a partner with care. in choosing, they seek to fulfil quite particular criteria. in extreme cases, a prospective partner may feel like a job applicant being measured against a detailed set of requirements to see if they’re is suitable for the position. virgo has a reputation for being choosy, fussy and critical; and for someone with mars here, they can bring all of this to bear in their approach to a sexual partner.
virgo is a very analytical sign, and mars in virgo can be analytical to an extreme. at their worst, these people will lose track of the inherent meaning in a situation, in trying to unravel and understand the detail. they can analyse a situation to death. more positively, they will always be prepared to talk about things and to try to undersatnd themselves and their partner. mars in virgos may want a partner who is useful, perhaps someone who helps out with practical or technical problems; and they may offer this to those they are involved with. joint ventures and activities will be an important part of their relationships.
#astrology#zodiac signs#mars#mars signs#aries mars#taurus mars#gemini mars#cancer mars#leo mars#virgo mars#maris in aries#mars in taurus#mars in gemini#mars in cancer#mars in leo#mars in virgo
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so what’s the comprehensive list of ultimate besties within the gaang
ok so
aang & katara. obviously. their love for & faith in each other literally saved the world. they are each other’s ultimate best friend, and it’s pretty clear to see why. katara’s first real friend, aang’s first friend upon awaking from the iceberg. cemented forever thru penguin sledding. they love each other so much!!!
sokka & toph. they are each other’s best friend, period. anyone who says zuko or aang or even suki is sokka’s best friend is like.... wrong? it’s toph. it’s obviously toph. toph is the first true kindred spirit sokka ever met, and vice versa. they understand each other perfectly, and love each other infinitely.
katara & zuko. he doesn’t rank as highly as aang (no one ever will) but zuko is definitely also katara’s best friend. they understand each other in a very profound way due to sharing a lot of similar values, traumas, flaws, and desires. also while katara loves aang very much, he has no hair to speak of, which means that she cannot give him hair loopies. so that’s what zuko is for.
mai & sokka. they almost immediately become besties after the war, and it’s like finding a long-lost sibling. which is ironic considering mai hates sokka’s sibling (mai & katara eventually do grow on each other, but it takes.... a while), and sokka hates mai’s sibling (he finds toddlers in general to be extremely offputting, and tom tom is particularly irksome). they love each other a lot, though.
aang & appa. they are each other’s only bond to the past, and they mean the world to each other. they are friends for life—every life.
aang & zuko. they bond over being earnest idealists who want to save the world, and also just loving & supporting katara at all times <3
mai & toph. they had almost exactly the same childhood, only toph was given a chance to escape, and mai...well... so they understand each other perfectly. mai sokka & toph are a trio in a similar way to how aang katara & zuko are a trio, and that’s all you need to know really.
aang & sokka. aang immediately decided that sokka was his new big brother, and while admittedly it took sokka a little bit longer to get onboard, he definitely came around. aang admires sokka’s wits, and sokka admires aang’s wisdom. they never stop going to each other for advice, or being utter goofballs together. tbh they really need each other.
aang & suki. they adore each other and have so much fun together. sometimes they deliberately exclude the rest of the gaang from their hangouts because they’re the only two people in their friendgroup who actually know how to chill. that said, they also have an ongoing prank war that is getting increasingly more intense, much to everyone (but toph)’s concern.
suki & ty lee. suki wasn’t there when ty lee befriended the other kyoshi warriors, so it takes a while for her to warm up to her, considering last time they saw each other was hand to hand combat on the top of a gondola over boiling water, but they actually get along really well. all ty lee has to do is say something really mean about azula in front of her, and suki is instantly won over. ty lee’s pretty much her right-hand kyoshi warrior after that.
sokka & suki. they just sort of understand each other perfectly. calling them “besties” would feel disingenuous considering their relationship has never been remotely platonic, but they do call each other “bro” a lot, so there is that...
mai & ty lee. okay well calling them “besties” is a crime because they are in deep, passionate gay love, so jot that down. that said they are also childhood best friends and each other’s lifeline through it all, and that needs to be acknowledged. at all times does that need to be acknowledged, actually.
aang & toph. like with katara, aang was toph’s first real friend, and that’s not something one really forgets. they are the wise-beyond-their-years babies of the group, and also toph just loves throwing his little ballerina body around like a ragdoll.
sokka & zuko. it might come from never having truly known another teenage boy their age before (jet does not count for obvious reasons), or it might come from being the only other person in their friend group who actually cares about literature, but they just kinda get each other. one month into their friendship and they have already stocked up on so many inside jokes they may as well be speaking another language. also zuko thinks that sokka is really cool and smart, and let’s not kid ourselves, sokka could really use the ego boost.
katara & suki. they are both extremely similar in many ways, and yet also couldn’t be more different. they are terrified of even so much as playfully insulting each other, so instead they are always just complimenting each other like two drunk girls in a bathroom (“I love your hair” “no i love YOUR hair” “well you should, my hair is amazing” etc). they bond over gossiping/complaining about boys (they never talk about sokka though; their friendship is mostly maintained through pretending that he doesn’t exist), doing “girl stuff” (as sokka and toph label it) like shopping and spa days and makeovers, and getting really competitive over stuff that shouldn’t actually matter, such as arm wrestling, or hair length competitions. ultimately, suki has stronger biceps but katara has longer leg hair, so it pretty much evens out.
toph & zuko. gay? check. disabled? check. abusive parents? check. because of this, they always feel comfortable around each other in a way that is usually difficult for them. there are some forms of empathy that can only be developed from shared experience, and that’s why their particular bond is so special.
aang & ty lee. they are both used to keeping the peace, and, despite being universally-adored, never truly feeling seen. it’s nice for them to just relax and have fun together.
mai & zuko. it’s a good thing mai is a very forgiving person, because she really has no reason to be. that said, their friendship is actually very important to both of them, especially as they grow older and realize all the ways in which many of their (shared) childhood experiences fucked them up. it’s just nice to have someone to lean on.
aang & yue. aang’s half-human half-spirit bestie!! they are always supporting each other <3 <3 <3
katara & toph. they are sisters, which for the most part means that they are constantly endeavoring to make each other as miserable as possible until they realize that they are actually teetering on the edge of calamity, at which point they hug and make up. they’re the two best benders in the world (avatar excluded), so one of these days they will cause irreparable property damage, but so far, aang & sokka have successfully managed to rein them in. they may drive each other crazy sometimes, but after all, that’s what family’s for.
#the gaang and#after the first three this stopped being in any particular order lmao#these are just friendships i . care about#asks#kacchamango#also did not include momo appa (other than aang ofc couldnt leave that out now could i) iroh azula etc..#wouldve gotten too long otherwise
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I’ve been thinking about this for a while, do you think Charles,Barbara, Eugenia and Anna were close? Anna maybe less because she’s closer in age to the merry thieves set and she probably ghosted Charles after the Ariadne engagement. Would you consider a fic of them all growing up, starting with them 4 as little kids and then slowly becoming teens and adults and then dealing with Barbara’s death. I think it would be a fun idea since nobody ever considers them to be a older merry thieves.
You can thank my social anxiety for this one bc I stress wrote it in school 🙃
TW: panic attacks, death
Title: When we were young
Characters: Barbara Lightwood, Anna Lightwood, Eugenia Lightwood, Cecily Lightwood, Gabriel Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Sophie Lightwood, Gideon Lightwood
Anna was sitting by the fire when Charles came into the room. She hated him. She truly did. But, somehow, at that moment, she felt strange. He looked at her and it took her many years back, to when they weren’t exactly friends, but they were far from what they are now to each other.
…
“And that was how Consul Wentworth fixed the crisis of 1687.” Charles said with a satisfied smile to himself.
The Lightwood girls were his audience. Well, sort of. Eugenia’s cheek was resting on her fist, squishing the right side of her face as her lidded eyes approached shutting completely. Anna was slumped against Eugenia, her lips pressed together tightly and her eyes opened wide, staring at a fixed spot on the floor. Their luminous dark blue glittered in the witchlight, looking exquisitely uncanny. Barbara was mid-yawn, leaning on the leg of a sofa.
“Wow, Charles. Thanks for the history lesson.” Eugenia said, monotonously. It was evident that she’d inherited her mother’s sass from the day she was born, when Barbara had woken her up by exclaiming at the sight of her newborn sister, and Genie responded by pulling her sister’s hair.
“Oh, and in 1690-“
“NO!” All three Lightwood daughters shrieked.
“I’m still not done, though.” Said Charles.
“Yes, you are.” Eugenia said, standing up and settling the matter. “We are positively bored. There is absolutely nothing to do except listen to Charles talk about politics, and if those are the only two options, frankly, I’d rather be bored.”
Charles crossed his arms. “Being an intellect is not boring.”
Little two year old Anna looked at him with one eyebrow raised.
“I swear, Thomas is having a better time than we are,” Eugenia said glaring at to where their parents were, with the tiny, almost invisible baby nestled in Gideon’s arms, his fingers wrapped around Sophie's thumb. The parents were all laughing about something, which made Eugenia scowl even more.
“To be an adult.” Barbara said, with a martyred sigh.
“We needn’t be adults to have fun.” Charles said.
“I suppose you’re going to torture us with more political trivia.”
“No,” Charles said. “I was going to suggest we go through the attic.”
The girls looked up at this and Charles smirked, clearly proud of himself at having come up with a good idea. For once.
“What is in the attic?”
Charles shrugged. “I don’t know, but there’s probably strange and obscure things. There’s a lot of that kind of stuff in our house.”
Barbara and Eugenia exchanged a look before the eldest Lightwood sister turned to him.
“We shall go and discover this mysterious attic you speak of.”
…
“What could this even be?” Barbara said, holding up a loose gear-like contraption.
“Papa sometimes builds things out of clockwork.” Charles said, sitting cross legged. “Or, he used to at least.”
“That’s…”
Genie and Charles looked at Barbara as she trailed off.
“Nevermind, I have no comment.”
Charles nodded as though that was a common reaction people had in terms of his father’s experiments.
They rummaged through boxes upon boxes, finding momentos they didn’t understand such as papers upon papers of things that said many difficult words. They could distinguish a couple of words such as “infernal” and “devices”, however there were many that made no sense to them.
“What is a Mortmain?” Asked Genie.
“I think it’s an undead horse or something along those lines,” said Charles.
“Oh,” said Eugenia. “That’s disgusting.”
“Quite,” agreed Barbara.
Anna was toddling around the room, giggling. She almost tripped over a loose floorboard, and would have, had Charles not reached out and grabbed a hold of the back of her dress.
“This is too dangerous for a small child like Anna,” Barbara said, ever the mother-goose. “I shall take her downstairs before she hurts herself.”
Anna protested at first, but acquiesced once Barbara bribed her with the promise of dessert.
…
“What are you doing here?” Anna asked.
He looked up, his green eyes meeting her blue ones.
…
Charles remembered that day like it was just yesterday.
He and Eugenia had stayed behind rifling through boxes, which wasn’t unwelcome, as Eugenia and Charles had an easy, lighthearted and, at times, profound, friendship. Despite their age gap, they enjoyed each other’s company, though neither could say why. Perhaps, it was simply because they mocked each other. Or perhaps, it was sometimes they would occasionally talk about things such as philosophy, and whether what they were seeing was true, or the world was just a figment of their imaginations. Or a mixture of the two; they’d never really discussed it.
Eugenia surprised him when she said, “do you ever feel… different from your parents?”
Charles furrowed his brows, “in what aspect?”
“Love.”
“Have you a suitor?” Charles inquired, intrigued.
“No. Actually, that was my question. I find that, sometimes, I don’t only enjoy the idea of a male suitor, but perhaps, I also enjoy the company of a woman. Perhaps.” She pressed her lips together tightly, as if forcing herself to stop speaking.
Charles looked at her, his bright green eyes wide. “I-um-…”
“But I’m not sure, of course.” Eugenia blurted out. “It’s not as if shadowhunters are precisely fond of that particular preference or-“
“Do you really think they wouldn’t like it?” Charles asked, softly. “Do you believe they will reject those who are like that?”
Eugenia looked down. “I’m afraid I’m most sure of it.”
Charles had then realized that he couldn’t have both. There was no way around it.
He knew his parents were happy and that love made them complete. However, they didn’t have to choose. They could be married and the idea wouldn’t affect their respective occupations. Charles, on the other hand, couldn’t be Consul and have the kind of love he wanted. He almost resented them because of it. They were able to do what they loved and nobody forced them to pick between one or the other.
It was unfair. So incredibly unfair.
“I guess you better get rid of your feelings towards women than.” He said simply, “unless you’re willing to let something as simple as love get in the way of your dreams.”
“Dreams?” Eugenia asked, looking confused and a tiny bit hurt.
But Charles got up to go back downstairs to his parents, aunts and uncles.
…
Charles slumped down in a chair and dug his fingers into his hair.
“She was just here.” He said quietly. “Babs, was just here.”
Anna felt sudden rage. “You are not allowed to mourn her.”
Charles looked up. “Just because you don’t like me doesn’t mean I can’t be sad. She was my cousin too. Perhaps not by blood, but she was still a cousin.” He pressed his lips together angrily and stared fixedly at the witchlight stone that was illuminating the room.
Anna, however, couldn’t find it in her to be diplomatic; she got up and left the room.
…
Anna had never seen Eugenia look this way. She was always put together, posh. But now, she looked hollow. Like a shell of who she used to be. Anna wanted to go up to her, to say something, but she felt lost for words. What did you tell someone who lost a dear sister? If Anna felt sorrow, she couldn’t imagine what Eugenia was feeling.
Her head was tilted upwards, looking up at the pyre where the corpse of her sister lay. Tears were streaming down her face, rolling down her cheeks, throat and chest, leaving streaks on her face that looked like the roots of a tree.
Sophie had her arm around her daughter. The sight of the four of them was very strange. There was a gap missing where Barbara should have been. She suddenly felt a hand take hold of her own. She looked to her right and saw her mother looking straight ahead, squeezing her daughter’s hand. Her father was looking down, holding Alex. Her baby brother was one of the few who looked up at the cousin who’d taught him to play simple songs on the piano, and had always let him sleep in her arms on New Year's eve.
She didn’t know what he must have been thinking now, staring up at the pyre.
Though, to be fair, she didn’t quite know what to think herself, as she looked up at the cousin who’s life was cut far too short.
…
Eugenia’s body didn’t feel like her own. She hadn’t felt this body was her own for a while. Even since Augustus and the secret she’d kept to herself.
This was somehow worse. To be torn away from your best friend, whom you’d shared a room with almost your entire life. Eugenia didn’t know how to live in a world without Barbara. Sometimes, in the rare moments when she forgot about her sadness, she’d call her sister’s name, ready to tell her about what had happened in her novel. Or find herself walking to Barbara’s room without thinking and then staring blankly at the door that has remained shut ever since the day she passed away.
A couple of weeks ago, she’d found a letter Barbara had sent her when she’d been in Idris. It was in between her copy of Jane Eyre. She couldn’t bring herself to read it in its entirety, but she stared at the signature blankly.
Suddenly, she got the urge to run. So she ran. That’s how, an hour later, she’d gotten a small tattoo under her ankle that said “Sincerely, your favorite sister Babs.”
It felt right to have Bab’s signature there, we’re only she could see. It made her feel accompanied everywhere she went, even though nobody else could see.
Now, looking up at the pyre, her face tight from tears she’d left to dry, her mother weeping silently, she could almost imagine that her sister was there, simply caught in a slumber and that she’d wake up at any moment and come tumbling down, throwing herself in Eugenia’s arms.
Any moment now, she thought when the pyre burst into flames.
“Ave atque vale, Barbara Lightwood.” The crowd said at once.
Eugenia shook her head and swayed on her feet. Her breathing became heavy and her fingers began prickling. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. No nononono.
She felt a hand on her shoulder, vaguely that it was her father’s.
Not Barbara.
Not Babs.
“Calm down, Genie.”
Not her sister. Her sister couldn’t possibly be up there.
“Breathe Eugenia.”
She wanted to scream that she couldn’t, that she’d never breathe again, as long as her sister wasn’t breathing with her. Why did she have to live? She would have much preferred that Barbara live in her stead.
The world was numb and fractured, never to be fixed again.
…
(Don’t worry, Gideon was able to help Genie after the fic ends bc he’s the best dad)
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#tsc#tlh#eugenia lightwood#barbara lightwood#charles buford fairchild#gabriel lightwood#anna lightwood#cecily lightwood#cecily herondale#tlh fanfic#tlh fanfiction#the last hours#tid#sophie lightwood#gideon lightwood
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TRUE BEAUTY; TRUE TRAUMAS AND UNSETTLING REGRESSIONS
The anger, the anguish, and upset I feel from the last moments of episode 10 are unspeakable. I can not believe how flawed and disgusting some of the parents are in this show. And I'm not particularly eager to write when I'm emotional and entirely overtaken by anger and sadness, but I also wanted to address immediately because this essay isn't about the love triangle. I couldn't give a hoot about the love triangle; I don't care what side people are on, because I think it's ridiculous that, that's what people came out of this week's episodes and focusing on. Like really, we're still doing this Suho vs Seojun nonsense, like make it make sense? Like no one is perfect, no one is a monster, all of them are just characters and yes Suho is problematic, Seojun also is, Jukyung this week was even more so, everybody likes to focus on their bias and forget that it's not that deep, it's okay to call out Suho on his mistakes but to sit there and fangirl about Seojun as the best hero boyfriend or whatever, when this episode had so much more depth to it, that's ridiculous. Anyway everyone is free to have their own opinions, but I can't believe that this tag is still full of Suho hate, absolutely absurd. Back to the actual focus of this essay, what can I say True Beauty has always been about PTSD, trauma and the pain and suffering of our main characters, how that has shaped them, changed their mindsets on themselves, hindered them from growth, love and happiness. In Episode 9 and 10 all our characters with masks apart from Seojun who just kept growing regressed and fell apart because of past reminders of their traumas. Let me explain more as we get into it.
First of all, one of the most critical vital themes of this episode is about Secrets, especially how secrets can cause disconcert, miscommunication and chaos. All of the characters hold some kind of secret from their respective partners, family, friends, etc., and in hiding these secrets, they lose their positive attributes because of how stressed they are by the secrets, how ashamed they feel from the secrets and how afraid they are about what the reveal of the secrets would cause. Most importantly, we see Suho, Soojin and Ju Kyung spiral into regression because of the consequences of their masks and secrets.
Ju Kyung: A flashback to the past
Truthfully I was very peeved of by Ju Kyung these two episodes, but I mean it's evident that this was going to happen as mentioned before, Ju Kyung has severe PTSD from her past with bullying and suffering because the world made her feel inadequate and worthless because of what she lacks. Although Kyung ends up with someone who completely sees her for who she is, is supportive and by her side completely, Kyung can't help but question this blessing as a curse. This is what self hate, and self-deprecation does, immediately she receives something good for her, Kyung starts to withdraw in fear because some part of her can't believe she deserves to be happy and satisfied with Suho. Now, as I said, I was annoyed, but also I saw her reasons loud and clear and I understood them because I related to them as well. Let's first look at the situation that occurs to cause her to spiral.
Her secret is that she's dating Suho. Pause. Now at first she's hesistant because of the fear of bullying and being noticed and being pushed into the spotlight because of his reputation. However, because of him being him, taking care of her, making her feel brave and loving herself (he does so much to show her she's okay being her self), she decides she doesn't care if the secret is out. Unfortunately for Kyung, another secret is revealed; Soojin her new best friend someone, who she's so close to has feelings for Suho. In fact, she also has really fascinating and important reasons for why she believes Suho should be hers. Now, this is what truly causes Kyung's trauma to appear again, and she becomes a mess of emotions because she has spiralled back into self-hate and self-deprecation. Let me explain.
Losses and Fears
In order to understand why Kyung's trauma is actually more profound than it seems because it does feel quite dramatic and unimportant with the reveal of other people's secrets and situations, her crying about Suho not understanding her and why she's struggling seems really overdramatic and not needed. But let me take you back to episode 1, Kyung has been in this situation before, and this situation led her to want to take her life. Let's review
In episode 1, Kyung was confident and happy in her self; she had a crush on a guy who made her smile, comfortable, and one of the people who paid attention to her and cared for her. Now this guy she had feelings for, as she confessed; she discovered he had feelings for another person, someone more prettier, popular and matched for him as people put it. This led to her confession with this guy bringing out the worst side of him; it led to her also losing her best friend who she relied on because she went to the popular girl out of fear, it led to her being taunted and broken by people making her feel like how dare she even think she could confess. You have to realise what they're saying to her, one she's not worth having a guy pay attention to her because of her looks, two she shouldn't try even to get someone's attention because the right person will find that person and they'll realise their mistake in associating with her, three, friendship and people are fickle, and she'll always be alone if she tries to do what she wants.
So back to our situation, Kyung has finally found a safe space. The beginning of episode 9 she reveals one of her secrets (part of her growth) to Soojin who completely protects and stays by her side. Soojin becomes the best friend she could ever have, she relies on her and is happy because of her. So she's regained a new best friend, but also she's found, love. A guy has thoroughly chosen to be with her despite her looks and whatnot (she thinks), this guy is a complete package, he's a prince, he's too good to be true, he protects, he's warm, and he makes her feel safe. (Just like the other guy did), lastly, she's also now found a place with her peers, she's no longer looked down on, and everyone likes her. There's a lot in her mind at stake if she chooses to reveal to Soojin the truth. It just makes her vulnerable, and it makes her more likely to lose everything, she finally regained by wearing her mask. It makes her return to that mindset in episode 1, where she felt she was worthless, and useless, a burden, and she should take her life. So her trauma is ingrained in her and causes her to spiral into self-doubt, fear, and hate just because she's gone through this before.
Lies and Masks
Now the past situation made her feel one thing; people are fickle. No matter how much Suho is here for her and says he wants her, his love is fickle. It can change, he just needs to find the right person, the smarter person, the prettier person, the more affluent person who matches him. Soojin is that. But even more from what Soojin is saying to her, Suho is just exactly like how he is with Kyung. He's protective, he's apparently warm, and he goes out of his way to make Soojin feel safe when he doesn't do that for anyone. In her head, he just hasn't realised he wants her the same way he wants Kyung cause she makes him care. And we all know what happened when someone else found another opportunity where the girl of his dreams wanted him, the cruel words he said, the way he pushed her away, Kyung feels like Suho has every right to do the same because she feels like she's not in his league. Because people; her mum, her bullies, her ex-friends, even strangers have made her feel like she's not meant to be perfect for him because she's dumb, ugly and has nothing to offer apart from makeup. And that's just painful and heartbreaking. What is she to do in this situation, losing Soojin is already painful because that's someone who she also holds in high regards in her life, someone who she depends on as a friend.
But it's not just that. As I said, she believes people's love and care for her is fickle. Actually, Soojin is proving her right without her knowing, Soojin isn't being a good friend. She's going behind the scenes to manipulate Kyung, making her feel listless knowing she's dating Suho. But the issue is Soojin also knows her without her mask, her deepest fears, her deepest secret, she has a weapon if Kyung tells her she's dating Suho. If Soojin switches, Kyung reverts back to her episode 1 self where the whole school sides with the popular girl, and she reveals the truth about how she looks without makeup. She loses not just her best friend but also her new safe space and she regresses back into the girl on the rooftop broken and exhausted of being alive.
Real vs Fake
And that's the painful thing because the reason why Kyung believes people are on her side is because of her mask of makeup and beauty, Suho thinks he likes her because she is pretty with her makeup at least, Soojin became her friend because she felt she was different and prettier, and people in the school rate her high because she's pretty. It's all about how much her mask has helped her be reborn as she said to Selena. But because she knows her mask isn't real, these people's feelings, and loyalty, friendship also isn't real, she has to keep up this facade to keep it accurate, and to stay in this lie she's created as long as she's safe, happy and able to walk around freely being her self. Something people refused her to do before because she had no right to be satisfied being ugly and dumb. So you see it's actually genuinely traumatic and painful what she's dealing with.
However, the painful thing about the fickleness of feelings is that Kyung has Suho and Suho has been in love with her and has been consistent with his care for her from the time he knew her without her mask. Since they were kids. Suho spent the whole episodes being grateful that he had her as his girlfriend, wanting to show her to the world, wanting to be with her, and Kyung's need to keep secrets was pushing his feelings, and his fears and his worries aside because she was more focused on prevention and protection. Now Suho doesn't care for other people or see other people the way he sees Kyung, for him Soojin is barging into his life without needing to be there, he told her this, but he doesn't see it as a big issue to tell Kyung she's there because she's not important. But Seojun is important, Seojun has already told him how he feels for Kyung, and Kyung seems pretty reliant and close to Seojun who keeps crossing the line sometimes (like coming to her house and staying when her boyfriend is there, competing and what not) this is what causes him to get agitated and tell her the way he knows how.
He's had no parental care, no training, no nurturing to know what's wrong and right, he's been forced to deal with his issues on his own, and he isolated himself from people, we can see he struggles with relationships, and he's trying to navigate it. So it's not okay for him to act possessive and controlling over who she should be with, but it also makes sense with his character when he doesn't know how to show emotions appropriately, and he's jealous and worried because she's being happy and close with Seojun in one corner and avoiding his calls and him in the other. It doesn't make sense. This is what I was peeved off at her for. Both Kyung and Suho are in the wrong in this situation, not just Suho.
Speaking of Suho, let's talk about this episode, his secrets as Leo and the reveal of how Seoyeon got set up.
Suho; A memory of regrets
Now the frustrating thing about this situation is; I can't fathom humans that do this, I can't understand how cold and heartless someone can be that he drives someone to take their life, and he still acts nonchalant and cold about that person because he doesn't care about rookies. Suho's father is incredibly disgusting as a human, and I completely can't stand him. The reveal that Seoyeon's demise was because he wanted to cover up a dating scandal, his son's best friend, who his son is literally suffering PTSD because he believed he was the reason his friend jumped. It's so disgusting when you think about it. This episode does an excellent job in showing us how much Suho has struggled with emotions and life because of his father's reputation, personality, and upbringing. And that's why I don't understand how people can come into this episode and come out with hate for Suho. Make it make sense.
The first thing episode 9 shows about Suho, which was actually foreshadowing the final conflict in episode 10 is his lack of a fatherly figure despite the fact he had a father. We see him interact with his father when he goes to have dinner with Soojin's own disgusting family, and we realise this is all his father does for him. He makes little quips about why he and Suho can't spend time together, and we all know Suho holds resentment at his father for cheating and sleeping with women, but also the trauma he had from dealing with paparazzi because of his father's fame, and the fact his father was barely in his life to show him emotional support and care. This is even worse when you realise again why Seoyeon got set up because his father wanted to protect his reputation, to sleep with someone, and because he didn't care about people's emotions and wellbeing.
Warmth and Comfort
Now the only thing that helped him deal with his father at first was Seoyeon and Seojun; it's making me cry again. The thing that got him through his tough upbringing was his friends, they brought purpose through music (another secret he's Leo), they brought happiness and care through friendship, and they brought comfort through their presence. They were loyal, close, and ready to help each other no matter what. His father took that away from him. Not just took that away from him but broke his mindset about how he views himself, damaged his relationship and trust with people, and pulled him into a spiral of self hate and self deprecation and regrets because he set Seoyeon up. How messed up can someone be? It's even worse because he knows he's the reason why Suho lost his friend, and he still had the guts, the confidence, the heart to plagiarise the person he ruined's song. Even not knowing that his son is the one he's plagiarising from. His father took it all from him. He made Suho think he's a burden, his reputation is a curse, and he's doomed to be alone to protect people away from him. It's funny because this is how Kyung also feels in her own regression. Both Suho and Kyung believe that they shouldn't be worth interacting with people because they're burdens and problematic for just being born. For Suho it's being born into his family, for Kyung it's being born with her looks and brains. It's incredibly heartbreaking and frustrating.
That's why it's even more painful because episode 9, Suho gets to stay in a lie for a while with Kyung's father staying with him, showing him the warmth, care and support he didn't have with his father. That's why we got that scene; it was to make you compare how different Suho's father is to him, compared to a flawed father like Kyung who's a headache but is also a good source of comfort and love. Suho finally got to feel that care that he was lacking. But still, Suho's father's coldness and heartlessness also shadow to let us know why Suho is the way he is when he has a go at Kyung and tells her to stop hanging out with Seojun; when he is posessive and protective over her without listening to what she's saying. He hasn't had a significant role model/ influence to look up to. He also became like his father on the surface and withdrawn from emotions because he doesn't receive that. It's honestly upsetting. I am so angry at Suho's father.
Regrets and Resent
But let's talk about the regression. Suho finding out his father is the one who caused Seoyeon's demise. First of all, just think about how much Suho has suffered the past ten episodes because of this issue, he's had PTSD, actual PTSD, panic attacks, depression, anxiety, isolation, just because of this issue, because Seojun told him repeatedly he was the reason for why Seoyeon jumped. Because his reputation could not save Seoyeon, because he didn't answer the phone because of his callousness and also because he fought with the very reason for why this happened; his father.
Seojun made Suho feel like he was a monster, and he was never going to be any different because his father was his father. And the thing is, this has been going for a long time, Seojun kept showing up in Suho's life ensuring he never got to be happy (at the beginning not now), he never got to feel worthy of peace, love, friendship because of what he did to Seoyeon. In a way, if you actually think about Seojun's role in Suho's life for a while, he's been like the bullys who ensured Kyung didn't feel happy being her self the way she was because of how she looked. Now he's not as bad because he's not doing it purposely with that intention of psychological harm and breakdown, because he also doesn't think Suho feels any guilt or issue with Seoyeon's demise. But it's pretty messed up that the person everyone is hailing to be this perfect specimen was literally playing the same roles as the bullies you claim to hate in Suho's life.
Like I keep repeating all these characters are flawed, have made mistakes because they're human, but the hate and the bias towards some of them is insane and makes no sense to me.
But now Suho has entirely as Kyung went back to a flash to the past, he's spiralled again into self hate, self deprecation and trauma because he found out the truth. If he's already been struggling with not answering the phone to help Seoyeon; imagine how much of a monster he'll feel because it's his dad who set Seoyeon up to fail. Imagine the pain and suffering, the self-hate, the same things Seojun kept telling him will keep repeating in his head, his reputation hurts people, his dad hurts people, and his lifestyle hurts people. He shouldn't be loved, have friends, or have people around him because he doesn't deserve that when they can end up like Seoyeon. All of his bottled down secret; self-hate is now released because the reason is connected to him from the start, it was his father. So Kyung and Suho found themselves with their masks unveiled, broken and scared and terrified about the consequences of choosing to be happy and free. Now, both of them hold this burden and weight making them feel like they don't deserve to want to be happy, in love and confident in what they deserve because of what society has done to them. And that's insane.
Soojin- A journey of a villain
Before I stop, we also need to speak about Soojin and her regression.
Her regression is very fascinating and upsetting. I have been on edge about her character, and it was excruciating to see her become manipulative, sly and a full second lead this episode. But what can I say. It was going to happen. Soojin's secrets revealed this episode to Kyung is about the abuse she suffers, we also see a snippet again of her fathers sexist, heartless mindset about controlling her to ensure she makes the grades. We also see her regress back to hand washing and self-harm because of the news that Suho is dating Kyung. Now, her mindset in the last episodes have been noticing the warmth, and comfort Suho brings into her life. There's no one else who sees her, knows her, and can protect her without her mask. Suho has known her for ten years. They've been each other's support system to deal with their family, now for Suho, he cut the importance of her presence in his life because he pushed everyone away after, but for her, Suho has been a consistent person to rely on.
A safe space
Kyung showing up and making Suho open and caring made her feel fear and anxiety that the only source of happiness and warmth was being taken away from her. Suho is the only thing that makes her breath, everything else is a mask that makes her feel suffocated, even her friendships; she's not been her real self with them, she's been a perfectionist. Even her revealing her truth to Kyung this episode wasn't for friendship but for emotional manipulation, and it wasn't right. Like Kyung, Soojin regresses because she's afraid to go back to who she has to be without Suho's presence, which is protection, warmth and care compared to her actual home, cold, harsh and volatile. She had to latch onto something to stay sane and to stop breaking down. Suho, unfortunately, is what she latched onto. And it is a regression on her part because Kyung is her best friend, she's emotionally manipulating and hurting her best friend to make her self feel good and get what she wants.
Still, she's not even getting what she wants because Suho isn't going to pay attention to her apart from protecting her from her father as someone should do. Soojin has been a girls girl, supportive, protective, and kind to everyone she meets but now she's regressed to being petty, conniving and mean to her own friends because she can't lose her own safe space. Kyung regressed not to lose her safe space and for Soojin her safe space became Suho. Her regression is really unsettling because how far would she go to keep her safe space, and how far will she sacrifice Kyung's wellbeing and emotions for her own gain. She's dangerous because she knows Kyung's secret, she can unload the truth about Kyung pettily and get some kind of one up on her, which is sad because she's slowly regressing into those bullies that made Kyung's life hell.
Volatile Mindsets
In fact, she shadows like I said the popular girl in episode 1, she wants to get her way, and she feels slighted by Kyung taking it away from her. Also her self esteem, her ego is being bruised because she's meant to be the one for Suho as society keeps telling her, she's the prettiest, the smartest, his equal, why would he choose Kyung who is so far not that close to her level in any way. These are the kind of thoughts that happens when trauma makes you regress. Whilst Suho and Kyung are regressing into self-hate, and self deprecation Soojins regression is the opposite direction, it's regressing into self privilege and self-obsession, it's unfortunate.
There's so much more about this episode that we can discuss like I said everyone has a secret, but when it comes to these three, their secrets and unfortunate reveals causes them to spiral into a whirl of self-hate and pain, trauma and suffering. This has been building up for a while because their mindsets have been shaped and made this way because of all the hurts and attacks by society to them, not just society that affects them this way; with these three family affects them this way, Kyung's mum, Suho's dad, and Soojin's dad their nonchalant, and cold attitudes towards their children cause them to feel unstable and worthless, and also friends also causes them to spiral this way, For Kyung, Soojin has brought back a lot of fear and anxiety about where her life is going, and Seojun's past problematic actions have returned along with Suho's guilt to make him also spiral into self-hate and regret. Kyung, Soojin's best friend, has caused her to lose her safe space. These characters have been pushed into this by people they thought they could rely on, and that's what painful.
Anyway, if anyone wants to know my opinions on this love triangle, I appreciate Seojun he's a great second lead. Still, he's not the one for Kyung or the right person as people keep trying to say, he and Suho are still equal on terms with who she should be with. The person she cares about is Suho; the person she loves/wants is Suho. She's not thought of Seojun in that way so respect it. There is so much more going on in this show than this love triangle, so much more to discuss and fight for, each character is human and makes their mistakes, but they're all so understandable and relatable, and the pain they suffer is just insane, the psychological trauma they all hold is too much to bare, and I really hope they find their way out of this. Because right now, Suho is not going to be okay, and Kyung is in danger of her past finding her. I'm scared for them so much. This stuff may seem overdramatic and chaotic but with trauma and pain, and self-hate and psychological distress, it's not easy to overcome emotional abuse, trauma and mindsets that make you feel you're not meant to be alive, and all these characters are going through that. And it's so painful. Let's hope we find a way out of this: love triangle or no love triangle.
#true beauty#true beauty kdrama#kdrama#lee suho#im jukyung#han seojun#cha eunwoo#moon ga young#cwg#january
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BNHA Chapter 322 Spoiler Analysis: Bakugo’s Growth
Oh my god is this real life? Am I reading Horikoshi’s AO3 fics? I don’t drink or do drugs, so yesterday felt like a goddamn fever dream. An incredible one at that. Seriously, this might be one of my favorite chapters in the series for Bakugo’s moment alone. I’m probably going to backtrack that later on if Horikoshi keeps this high quality up, but I’m cool with that. This series has just been so damn good and it keeps getting better. So, let’s go:
I’m going to get the smaller stuff out of the way first because I really want to focus on Bakugo’s apology this time because that’s the main course:
I love that Kirishima got something to do and say this chapter. He was right there on the ground ready to catch Iida and Deku when they fell. And he’s probably one of the more physically stronger kids in the class + his Hardening so Kirishima was a good choice to have on standby. Also, him realizing that Deku was the kid who tried to save Bakugo from the sludge villain at the beginning of the series was a good callback because Deku inadvertently inspired Kirishima to become the hero he is now.
Thirteen actually shows her face since her helmet was damaged in the war and WOW SHE’S PRETTY 😳 That was not on my bingo card, but I will take it happily!
Then there’s Ochako who grabs Deku’s hand to tell him it’s ok and that he doesn’t have to leave again after he, well, tries to leave again. It’s really cute and feels like a resolution of some sorts of their feelings for each other. Not a conclusion, but it feels like Horikoshi is wrapping things up. I don’t know how deep Horikoshi’s going to go into Ochako and Deku romantically, but I like that it’s told subtlety. And it looks like the next chapter will have Ochako do something cool, so I’m excited to see that.
THAT UA BARRIER IS MASSIVE DEAR LORD! And apparently it can do even more than that. LIKE DOES IT HAVE GUNS TOO? Hakgakure says it connects to Shiketsu too, so maybe we might see Inasa, Shishikura (Meatball boy), and Camie again.
Also, Hagakure and Aoyama didn’t do anything though during the VS. Deku fight, so take that as you will.
Also Bakugo’s suddenly not featured at the end of the chapter, which is weird.
NOW BAKUGO OH MY GOD:
I really thought that we would have a Deku Vs. Kacchan Part 3 to be honest. I really thought we would. But no. We got an honest-to-god heart-to-heart between these two boys. And really, this is probably the best way to go about it. Maybe we’ll get some D VS. K Prt. 3 one day because there might be more to be said, but if this is how their friendship is truly mended, I’m cool with a 2-parter.
So, Bakugo basically lays EVERYTHING out on the table. How he’s felt like Deku’s always ahead of him, how frustrated he was, how scared he was, how insecure he was, and more beyond the surface. Ultimately, he apologizes for everything. He apologizes for over A DECADE of bullying. He even bows to Deku. He can barley look at Deku in the eye for the most part. This is not the same Bakugo from the beginning of the series. This is Katsuki Bakugo: a young man who took a long, harsh look in the mirror, learned from his flaws, decided to save the kid he bullied, and became a better person all because of it.
Bakugo also tells Deku that even though Deku did nothing wrong in going down this path, Deku needs him and his friends now. Deku can’t do this on his own anymore. Bakugo says him and the other will carry the burden with Deku. Save to Win and Win to Save 😭.
What I find interesting here is that in this part of his speech, Bakugo says that he and everyone else will carry Deku’s burden with him “In order to surpass All Might”. Bakugo’s ultimate goal has always been to surpass All Might and become the No. 1 Hero. That’s been established from the very beginning. And now, Bakugo will surpass All Might with his friends by his side. That’s growth, my dudes 🧡
Visually, this whole thing is done so beautifully! Just the way everyone is drawn and the expressions on the other student’s faces are really well done. Everyone’s either in shock or in awe of what they’re hearing coming out of Bakugo’s mouth. This is a side Bakugo hasn’t really shown anyone before (besides Deku, of course). The reaction that spoke most to me is actually Shoto’s 💙. He gets like 1 panel this chapter, but his face isn’t really in either shock or awe. It’s kinda unreadable, but I think ultimately it’s like an “I get it” sort of expression. Because Bakugo and Endeavor are so much alike. Shoto knows what it’s like to have someone in their life trying to atone for their actions. He gets it. Maybe, one day, Endeavor and Shoto can get there too.
This might be my favorite part of the chapter: During Bakugo’s apology, Horikoshi draws Deku and Bakugo as heroes, then kids, then as middle schoolers, then in their UA uniforms, and finally back in their hero costumes. Each time, Bakugo and Deku are framed face-to-face with Bakugo talking and Deku just staring in disbelief and awe like he’s trying to process what Bakugo’s saying. It isn’t until the final one when Bakugo and Deku finally meet eye-to-eye and you can see some light come back to Deku’s eyes. And finally Bakugo bows and apologize, even calling Izuku by name 😭💚🧡 It’s just so beautifully paneled and drawn. In the span of a few pages, Horikoshi manages to take us through Bakugo and Deku’s childhoods of conflict and insecurity to their heroic selves in present day. It’s like a quick recap of everything Bakugo and Deku have been through over the course of the series. Because even though My Hero Academia is ultimately Deku’s story, it’s Bakugo’s story too (which a little Shoto on the side). This feels like the culmination of their entire relationship and it’ll only get stronger from here too.
Lastly, as Deku is about to apologize for saying “You can’t keep up” because he realized his friends are actually ahead of him, he starts to pass out and BAKUGO RUNS UP TO CATCH HIM AS DEKU FALLS 🧡💚😭 WE DON’T EVEN SEE BAKUGO’S EYES HE JUST SAYS “WE KNOW” LIKE IS BAKUGO CRYING HORIKOSHI PLEASE!!!!! BAKUDEKU’S HOW WE FEELING??? 💥🥦
But for real, this is as close to a hug between these two as we’re probably going to get. There’s something so profound about this. Bakugo has been trying to push Deku away since the beginning. He even wanted to keep Deku at arm’s length so he can be protected even from Bakugo himself. And how these two are together again. No more pushing away.
Honestly, I loved this chapter 10/10! Peak character development, peak storytelling, peak fucking fiction! It does feel like we’re coming to a conclusion soon with the series. Ochako is accepting her feeling towards Deku more, Deku’s coming back to UA where the final battle will most likely take place, and Bakugo and Deku have mended their relationship as far as we know. Again, I would like to see a Part 3 to their ongoing fights, but I’m cool if this is where their conflict ends. It was really, really beautiful. Horikoshi’s writing has been top-notch with Bakugo and Deku. God, I’m truly going to miss this series when it’s done.
Me thoughtout the entiretly of Bakugo’s Apology:
#My Hero Academia Spoilers#Boku No Hero Academia Spoilers#MHA Spoilers#BNHA Spoilers#MHA 322#BNHA 322#Katsuki Bakugo#Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight#Dynamight#Izuku Midoriya#Deku#Eijiro Kirishima#Red Riot#Tenya Iida#Ingenium#Ochako Uraraka#Uravity#oh yeah it's all coming together#full-circle#it's come full-circle#we made it#this is it#Kohei Horikoshi#god among men#the man the myth the legend#i feel blessed#i'm sobbing#this was beautiful#BakuDeku#BKDK
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True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.
If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1′s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.
Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.
True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around.
This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.
Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?
The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.
Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.
Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.
Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.
It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.
What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.
“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”
True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.
Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.
What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?
Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.
Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.
True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles.
“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”
King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.
Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.
However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.
This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.
Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.
True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.
Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.
Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.
#amphibia true colors#amphibia spoilers#amphibia season 2#anne boonchuy#marcy wu#sasha waybright#sprig plantar#polly plantar#hop pop plantar
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Alone, Together | Din Djarin
Ship: Din Djarin x Reader
Summary: Sometimes it’s the strongest people who just need someone to be strong for them.
Word Count: 2.2k+
Warnings: Spoilers for the season 2 finale!! Angst.
Author’s Note: This was meant to be hurt/comfort... I failed miserably... enjoy your angst and heartache! I also have not proof read this in the slightest... I am lazy and sorry
The silence echoed through the command centre, holding a weight upon your chest that felt akin to drowning. It seemed as though time itself was standing still as you stood there, engulfed in what had just happened, in the anguish that was threatening to creep in.
Of course, you had half expected something like this from the very beginning, it was the plan, after all. Grogu was with his kind now, with a jedi who could train and protect him so much better than you and Din ever could. You’d spent so long trying to convince yourself not to get attached, to enjoy the moments you shared with the curious child with a safe protective layer between you, but that was never really going to work, now, was it?
From the moment you had joined the Mandalorian on the Razor Crest, the duo had captured your heart, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself otherwise.
It had taken a surprisingly short amount of time to truly feel apart of the odd little crew. With such a stoic being as Din leading the charge, and a fifty year old child enamoured by his every shiny movement, you had thought it would simply be a job, just another in a long line of careers you had dabbled in throughout the galaxy. But it was so much more.
Looking after Grogu had been so much more than a job, it had been a delight, even in when he was determined to throw a tantrum when you all desperately needed sleep. It wasn’t long before the child became something akin to a friend, albeit a small, incoherent, gnawing on anything that shouldn’t go anywhere near a mouth, friend, but a friend nonetheless.
And somewhere along the line, the Mandalorian followed.
It was in the soft utterances that were barely heard, the gentle actions that weren’t necessary, but were always welcomed with a beaming smile. He wasn’t one for words, but he would show how he cared day by day.
A fruit you enjoyed on a random planet just so happened to be amongst the groceries after you exclaimed your joy upon tasting it. A new pillow was sitting on your bed a few days after he noticed you rubbing your stiff neck in the mornings. And when he found you nervous to be left alone on the Crest on a particularly dangerous planet? Well, suddenly there was time to take a day off to make sure you were comfortable with not only the weapons to defend yourself, but the controls of the Crest should you need to get yourself and the child out of there.
Yes, somewhere along the line, you had forged something of a friendship with the very same man who had unintentionally frightened you silent upon your first meeting. And if at some point your feelings for him had started to slip to something less platonic, well, that was neither here nor there.
Especially now, as you stood by his side in that same pained silence that still echoed through the Imperial ship.
Now, he needed a friend.
His helmet had been removed for the child, he had destroyed his creed, and, as tempting as it might have been, you had kept your gaze firmly on the ground the entire time, determined to respect his beliefs right down to the end.
The pain and anguish you felt at the sight of those gigantic sad eyes as Grogu had left was incomparable, but, even in your pain, you knew it was nothing compared to the hurt the Mandalorian at your side must be feeling.
There were too many in the room, battle hardened warriors each one of them, and you knew words of comfort or sympathy would do little at such a time, so you did the only thing you could think of.
With your gaze still firmly fixated on the floor, you pushed the pain aside, something to be addressed later, when you were alone, when you didn’t have to be the rock for the same man who had unknowingly been the same for you time after time in his own resilient manner.
Your hand barely moved, slow and subtle as you reached across the small distance to him. Unhurried, gentle, as if trying not to scare a wild animal, your fingers found his, curling into his hold in a silent show of camaraderie that had the heartbroken man turning his head towards you.
With your gaze still focused on the floor at your feet, you didn’t see the way those deep brown eyes took you in, savouring the sight, awed by the way you remained diligently refusing to glance his way. You didn’t see the years of pain and heartbreak that swam in that tear stung gaze, didn’t see the anguish that flittered there, fighting against an unwavering affection for you that seemed to have made its home there long ago.
But you did feel the way his hand clasped around yours, large and warm, even through the leather of his gloves. It practically engulfed your own hand, and yet, the desperate hold almost made it seem small, uncertain, as if this one action, your hand in his, was the only thing keeping him together as his world fell apart once more.
Time that had moved so slowly seemed to suddenly fly into overdrive. Boba was back to pick up Fennec, Bo was, begrudgingly, focusing on what could be salvaged from the Imperial ship, Cara was setting off with Gideon, and, while you certainly seemed to be taking in whatever was thrown your way, it still felt a world away.
A decision had to be made, and before you knew it you were walking behind Cara and her new prisoner, still hand in hand with the Mandalorian who hadn’t dared let go of your hand since the moment you had offered it.
Somewhere along the way you had made it clear that you would remain with the Mandalorian, no matter what was to come, although you weren’t entirely certain the words had ever actually been spoken aloud. But any alternative was practically laughable. How could you possibly leave him now? How could you ever?
And then you were on the ship, when had that happened? And Gideon had been silenced once more with a hasty gag that was a desperate plea for what little sanity your little trio had left to not run astray (and possibly to keep Cara from killing him before she could make it to the New Republic). And then? Well, then was now wasn’t it? Alone in the cramped personal quarters of the shuttle, truly alone for the first time in weeks.
There was a time when being alone felt rejuvenating, refreshing even. The quiet solitude a haven from the chaos of so many busy planets, of so many people. When had that changed?
With a sad smile, you almost scoffed at the question the moment it flittered into your mind. You knew damn well when.
Silence had never lasted all that long on the Crest, no matter how tired you and Din might have been, the little green eared monster was determined to run amok, causing a clamouring of sounds in his wake. It was so easy to find it irritating when you were woken from only two hours of blissful sleep after days of being forced awake. It was easy to sigh and grapple with the playful child and remind him that this was sleep time, not play time, and if he wasn’t going to get some rest he had to at least let you get some.
But now, in the eerie silence of the Imperial shuttle you had commandeered in an effort to save the frog eating little bugger, you longed for those sounds. The chaos and cacophony of Grogu was a part of what had become your home, and now, yet another part of it was gone forever.
You couldn’t say when the tears had begun, or when they had slipped from silent streams to harsh sobs that wrecked their way through your body. But, curled up on the militantly neat bunk bed you had claimed as your own, you couldn’t have cared less.
Finally, you were alone, after hours of planning and debating, hours of being the solid rock for the man you had come to care so deeply for. Now was your chance to grieve everything you had lost, in the solitude of the clinically white cube someone had deigned appropriate to be a bedroom.
Visions of green ears and large eyes swam through your mind, memories entangled with daydreams as you thought about what had been, and what was to come for the small child you had grown to love.
But he was gone now, along with the Razor Crest that had become your home, although, thankfully, in a much less dramatic fashion.
Would that just be the way for all the things you loved? Would the same soon follow for Din?
A sound, far harsher than a sob, rattled its way from your chest at the thought. Surely he would be the next to leave, returning to his old life or helping rebuild Mandalore… either way, he no longer had a need for you now, did he? What use would he have for a glorified babysitter with no baby?
The sound of your tears would have been harrowing, were it not for the safety of those Imperial walls that surrounded you. Sobs and groans slipped from one to another as your tears soaked the stark white pillow beneath you. Curled up into the smallest ball you could manage, you let go.
That pain you’d pushed away earlier? Well, it was back, tenfold.
This was why you had never meant to get attached, this, right here, the aching hole that wanted to consume you, yet seemed to echo out from your very chest. It was a pain like no other, grief mixed with fear, sorrow mixed with a loneliness you could never put into words. A profound war of emotions that had your body shaken, and your mind so lost in its anguish, that you didn’t even hear the way the doors slid open, or the heartbroken sigh that followed.
Din was used to being alone. Even with you and Grogu aboard the Razor Crest with him, he would often find himself focused on a job while you distracted the little womp rat in the hull. It was just a part of life, until it wasn’t. Until he found himself working down there alongside you, until he found himself seeking out the joyful sounds of you playing with the child who was somehow older than either of you.
But even still, he was used to your absence, no matter how desperately he wished he weren’t.
So, as much as he desperately wanted to follow you when you claimed to need some rest, no matter how much he wanted to cling to your hand, to the intense amount of comfort such a small gesture had given him, he had let you go.
But that was nearly an hour ago now, and he couldn’t bare it any longer, and a small part of him hoped beyond all things that maybe, just maybe, you couldn’t either.
As the door slid open, and the broken sound of your tears perforated the air, a small sliver of what was left of his heart broke.
You had been so strong, had remained diligent and determined, had been the support he could never ask for, but desperately needed in his dark hour, and here you were, breaking apart alone.
It wasn’t until the harsh mattress beneath you shifted that you even realised you were no longer alone. Turning quickly, panicked and wide eyed, you gazed through blurry eyes at the foreign site before you.
Din still had all his armour in place, his helmet having returned to his head long ago, but his very being looked so different. It was in the way he stooped forwards, his elbows balanced on his knees as if the weight of the world was quite literally weighing him down. It was in the way his head hung low, but still faced you determinedly, as though he couldn’t decide what was worse, watching your broken wails, or turning away from them.
A harsh intake of breath. A desperate rub of your sleeve against your eyes in some plea that it might somehow make you look somewhat put together. You couldn’t meet his gaze, even behind the wall of his visor, but you would do what you had to in order to try and appear composed.
But he was shaking his head, slowly, reassuringly. You couldn’t be certain he was even aware of his actions as his hand found your leg, squeezing gently.
“Don’t,” his voice sounded harsher than usual, as if it had been filtered through sandpaper on its way through his helmet, and the rough sound had him pausing once more, as if startled to hear his own voice.
But he persisted nonetheless, pushing past the way his throat felt dry, past the ache each word brought forward.
“It’s ok to cry,” his voice was quieter now, an attempt at softness even through the pain he felt. “You don’t need to hold it in, not for me, not for anyone.”
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So happy you but up the headcanons! All of them are gems and I love them so much. Rereading the Dimitri and Felix rivalry hc made me want to ask for claude and yuri rivalry, but dark of course because both of these boys are sane and logical and would move on if they both caught feelings for you and weren't attached to you by a dark obession lol.
Sorry, I know you asked for love rivalry but I simply could not help myself and got a little carried away with seeing the so-called rivalry to his inevitable conclusion :3c
~Not that it’s probably necessary, but I had to consider the timeline for this. A rivalry between them wouldn’t fit in the events of the game because of Claude’s ambition, but he leaves the country in most endings. My solutions would be to have Claude split his time between Fódlan and Almyra as a politically active prince such as in his solo ending or to propose that Yuri would spend a lot of time in Almyra. Reasons for this could be that he went in aid of his good friend and military commander Balthus (Yuri would make for an awfully good royally sanctioned spy) or that he’s abusing the newfound system of open-market international trade for his criminal enterprise. Either way, Claude is powerful Almyran royalty and Yuri is a shady figure of the underworld. Not too unlike a story I’ve written, but this is separate from that. None of this really matters, ultimately, but whatever I like to think of how this would work out.
~Both men are powerful and ambitious. Both of them are emotionally isolated despite (or because of) their positions. They’re friends, or at least on friendly terms so there’d be a lot of overlap in social circles. And, really, they are quite similar so it’s plausible that they’d go for the same type.
~I’ve since changed my stance on reasons why Claude might develop a fixation on someone. He is concerned with the intrinsic value of a person. He values the thoughts, feelings, and especially the perception of people he is close with. Claude is also a loner, a fundamentally lonesome person who wishes to be seen and loved on his own merits despite the guard he puts up and the social games he plays. Not to say I entirely retcon my previous opinion, but I focused too hard on the idea that he would need to dehumanize you by zeroing in on utilitarian usefulness rather than be driven to darker feelings by his fear of being alone and need to find a connection.
~This all goes for Yuri too, although it’s easier for me to imagine Yuri getting his authentic feelings twisted up and dark. Yuri’s circumstances were somewhat similar to Claude’s, except that he was shown genuine affection by his mother and the old man. Therefore, he knows what it is to lose that. He learned early on what it is to have people die because of him, to shoulder the burden of guilt that comes with such profound loss. Yuri’s scarred by a brutal, painful upbringing where “love” was a commodity to be traded in for favors (even by his mother) and genuine, honest relationships became nearly impossible to comprehend. If he met you and developed those true, affectionate feelings, if he found a so-called light in the darkness, maybe it’d make sense that he’d do everything he could to keep it from losing it.
~Their similarities in this instance would work out for this scenario. Somebody useful to them, somebody authentic enough to appeal to their deeply ingrained sense of loneliness, somebody clever or interesting or fun… There’s a lot of reasons they could develop unhealthy feelings for you born out of an innocently platonic friendship.
~And it would have to be platonic on both counts. Yuri and Claude are too self-aware for them to make a move if you made a choice early on. Or, I don’t think it’d become as big of a production because they wouldn’t have emotionally invested so much in you. Leading them both on unintentionally just by having a normal human friendship is kinda sad but also kinda funny.
~They’d know that you were close with the other. Of course they would. Maybe it would hurt, but neither would express that feeling to you. Claude would ask pointed (but not direct) questions about your feelings and dazzle you with grand overtures. Yuri would work the seductive and sweet angle, trying to win your heart the old fashioned way. But, you know, with more uncomfortable subtext and innuendo.
~Something that has not changed is my opinion that Claude would be obsessive about his darker feelings. Not on a consistent, all the time basis, but more like a hobby. A puzzle he couldn’t solve, an itch he couldn’t quite scratch. He’d search for all of the pieces of you in the hopes that the final picture would allow him to understand his increasingly dangerous feelings. Claude’s not stupid, he’s really self aware. Enough to feel guilt, enough to recognize that what he’s doing isn’t right, and enough to justify himself out of the responsibility of doing amoral things for the right reasons.
~Yuri, on the other hand, wouldn’t be so… aggressive about it. He’d want you to come to him, to return to him again and again to prove to himself that what he feels isn’t wrong, to ingratiate himself into your life in a way that validated everything he felt for you and put you on more equal footing. He’d internalize everything a lot more, feel a lot of guilt about the intensity of his feelings, but he’d find ways to keep you close. Or, for you to keep him close.
~Don’t get me wrong, though, you wouldn’t get so much of a glimpse of this weaker, more vulnerable Yuri. He’d go the opposite direction of his guilt or doubt, wearing an impenetrable smiling, sarcastic, playful mask. My main point is that I see him as being more emotionally wrecked by having these dark feelings due to his self hatred. I also think Yuri would be more generally sensitive to unhealthy romance dynamics, especially if it became physical at all.
~In an interestingly twisted way, Yuri hypocritically recognizing Claude’s behavior as being dangerous would encourage him to be more proactive about his own feelings and feel less guilty about doing so. Being the protective type rather than the obsessive really just fits Yuri so much better, although I see it as one ultimately leading to the other.
~It’s not about winning. They’d be competing, clearly battling against each other for you in a way that would not only be creepily objectifying, but also emotionally strenuous, but they’d keep on insisting that it wouldn’t be about winning. They’d just want you to be happy, to be safe. They both would just want what’s best for you. And what is best for you? Just ask them.
~Claude’s argument: Yuri’s lifestyle is dangerous. He’s a good guy, Claude really does trust him, buuuuut he’s not exactly the type of man you’d be safe with, you know?
~Yuri’s argument: Claude’s not treating you right. He’s obviously manipulating you, how could you possibly miss that? You deserve better, don’t you agree?
~But in the same breath they’d both insist that if you didn’t want to be with them romantically, that would be fine. They both, truly and unselfishly, would just want you to be happy. Just want to stay close with you. Veeeeeery unselfishly.
~Their interactions with each other would be amazingly fake and aloof. Making small talk and smiling all the while vying for your attention in a nearly juvenile tug-of-war. Still, I don’t think, even through all of this, that they’d dislike each other. It’s not about winning, right? It’s not a game, right?
~Okay, so, I know the whole thing with scenarios like this is an inability to face rejection, but if you were to chose Yuri over Claude or vice versa, that’s where it would end. Committing yourself to one of them still wouldn’t work out super well because that’s the nature of giving into such dark and unhealthy feelings, but it would no longer be a rivalry.
~Let me propose, then, that you would eventually reject both of them. At first, the whole thing would have been so fun and so nice. Getting all of this attention from two powerful and attractive guys would be exciting. You’d feel so lucky, they’re both charming and friendly and kind. But then things would have gotten more intense and there’s this weird love triangle that is incredibly trite and uncomfortable and you wouldn’t have wanted to hurt either of them so it’s better to just leave it, right?
~Yuri would be more likely to use his personal feelings as a tactic of manipulation, I think. Worse, he probably wouldn’t see it that way. He knows, he truly knows, how dangerous and terrible the world could be and he’d do anything to shield you from it and his feelings would reflect that. Granted, if he felt you weren’t getting it, I don’t think Yuri would exactly be above veiled threats or bludgeoning you with fear tactics and even a dash of shame for how you’d played with both their hearts.
~Claude would do his best to convince you that you didn’t actually want to go. You didn’t have to chose either of them, but you couldn’t leave, either. That was way too dramatic. Besides… wasn’t it a little selfish? This was where you were needed, he relied on you. He trusted you. Sure, Claude’s a visionary, but what does that vision matter if the one who he shares his dreams with is gone?
~Maybe that wouldn’t work, though. Long term, it probably wouldn’t. I mentioned before that they wouldn’t hate each other, so if it came down to actually losing you, why not work together?
~Love triangles are for chumps, invest in a horribly unhealthy three person dynamic with possible kidnap and very overt tones of mental and emotional manipulation.
~That would solve all the the problems, wouldn’t it? Why would you try and leave them after they made so many compromises for you? Really, would you be that ungrateful and callous? They would both care about you so much, love you, even. Yuri and Claude would be trying to make it work despite the fact that it came down to essentially a tie in this bizarre game, why couldn’t you do your part? Landing such attractive and powerful guys, having them lay their hearts at your feet, you’d have to be a really terrible and selfish person to reject that. Not that you’d be given a lot of choice, but the devils in the details and if you fought them on this, it probably wouldn’t end up very pretty for you.
~Not saying either of them would hurt you. Physically, I mean. Probably.
~In some ways, the compromise would make the guilt easier for them to bear. The fact that they were also being forced to deal with something they wouldn’t necessarily want to would be a leveling ground for them to justify any of your unhappiness with the situation. Like, it was all an equal amount of compromise to make things work for all three of you.
~Claude would know how much Yuri meant to you and feel like the fact that he hadn’t taken that away from you absolved him of a lot of the responsibility of the other things he’d taken from you. Plus, Claude’s a distracted guy who’d lose track of things sometimes, always getting caught up in whatever project he was working on at the time, so he’d know that you wouldn’t be lonely during those times.
~Yuri would see Claude as being, in many ways, a better person than him. More out of a horrible sense of self perception than fact. So Yuri could have his piece of you with the recognition that Claude was there to balance the worst parts of himself and make you happy in ways this dark, twisty version of Yuri might not think he could.
~I don’t think that either Yuri or Claude would ever truly get along because of how similar they are and the fact that they both kinda lost to the other but I also don’t think that would be a huge issue. Their verbal sparring would be entertaining, honestly.
#claude von riegan#fe claude#yuri leclerc#fe yuri#yandere#yandere headcanons#claude von riegan headcanons#yuri leclerc headcanons#fire emblem three houses#fe3h#headcanons#i am trash garbage :)#yuri is so emo i hope it makes sense why
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So I just finished my 3rd watch thru of Merlin, and yet again am brokenhearted. Not only by Arthur's death and Merlin's grief, but by Morgana's tragic descent into madness. Though I loathed the choice, I always understood why the writers went the direction they did with Morgana. What I did not understand was the way they handled her relationship with Gwen. It just never made any sense to me that Morgana could be so cruel to someone she clearly loved very deeply - even if only in the platonic sense. To me, it seemed like the Morgana that existed at the end of season 2 was replaced by a totally different, inexplicably cruel and insufferably smirky one by the start of season 3.
Still, prophecies need fulfilled and such, and after all it is a fantasy series based on a complicated mythology where Morgana sometimes is portrayed as evil. I just wish it was handled better.
Be that as it may, as a writer I tend to gravitate toward the untold stories within canon. That being the case, Gwen and Morgana's relationship is a natural attraction. I adore their chemistry, which makes them so easy to pair up. Since I am also not necessarily beholden to canon, that means I can imagine whatever the hell I want for them. Such an AU where their potential is realized before Morgause enters the picture to warp Morgana into her father's daughter.
This little piece is part of that. I may or may not add more entries in the future.
As a side note, this was initially supposed to be much shorter, but my fingers wouldn't stop typing words. Silly digits.
Ficlet below the line!
Morgana awoke giggling in an entirely unrefined manner. Her uncharacteristic bubbly mirth, she discovered, was due to a gentle tickling sensation all across her face. Once the wispy haze of sleep was blinked out of her blurry eyes, a familiar shape resolved into an entirely too handsome face wearing such a love-sick expression that her chest reflexively suffused with an affectionate warmth that quickly seeped into her very bones.
“What time is it?” she asked to the person hovering above her, voice still gravelly and slightly slurred from having been roused out of such a deep, blessedly dreamless repose. The pleasant tickling sensation began anew immediately after her half-slurred inquiry, and when she lifted her gaze she was greeted by rich brown eyes she would swear on her life she could live and die in.
“Just after dawn.” The utterly enchanting creature paying her such lovely attention continued to delicately and reverently brush calloused fingertips across the expanse of her jaw. “Sorry I woke you. I meant to let you sleep in a bit longer, I just really couldn’t help myself.”
A pause allowed a full, dusky lip to be pulled rather invitingly between pearly white teeth before her beloved added, “It seems I never can where you are concerned.”
Morgana smiled. A genuine smile, too. Nothing like the false ones she graced her guardian with, full of barely suppressed loathing and rage. Lately she had been consumed by disgust for the man who so many times proclaimed to cherish her, a man who would see her burnt at the stake if he knew who she truly was. Uther Pendragon claimed to be a fair and just king, yet he waged unlawful wars against territories that dared stand up against his brutish rule and relentlessly persecuted innocents whose only crime was to be born different. People like her. People with magic.
Coming to terms with her gifts had cost Morgana both countless nights spent in wakeful torment over horrific visions that plagued her dreams and untold days spent wrestling with throat-clogging anxiety over the possibility of discovery. There were many occasions during that frightening period in which she felt as though tottering precariously over a dark, abyssal chasm at the bottom of which lie only inescapable madness. Every second spent at court was an exhausting exercise in choking down a nauseating terror of the tyrant who held the power of life and death over her and would surely decide upon the latter should he learn the truth about her magic. Meals were a unique form of torture due to the perpetual knot residing in her stomach and every event she would normally revel in was transformed into a dreaded affair during which she could scarcely breathe for the crushing weight resting upon her chest.
Frankly, if it hadn’t been for Guinevere and Merlin she is sure she would have already plummeted headlong into those foreboding depths, right into the waiting arms of a hatred no human heart could withstand without incurring irreparable damage.
If Merlin hadn’t told her the truth about his magic as he lead her to Aglain’s druid camp, the pervasive sense of isolation and desperation worming insidiously through her mind would have inevitably forced her into drastic choices. Even before her magic manifested she had silently nursed treasonous thoughts toward Camelot’s cruel monarch. What might she have done if the walls closed in so tightly on her she felt there was no avenue of escape outside of acting upon those unsavory impulses? It hardly bears thinking about for risk of inviting such evil desires back in to her heart when of all her attributes, it is her heart which makes her most special – or at least that is what Guinevere insists to be the case.
Thankfully, finding a steadfast friend and ally in Merlin had done much to ameliorate the suffocating feeling of helplessness she felt as a member of the court harboring so deadly a secret. With much diligence and patience he was teaching her to control her powers, to harness them for good, and to have faith that better days were ahead for their kind. It was also mostly due to the Merlin’s deceptive wisdom and boundless optimism – and to be fair what reasonable person could resist that impish, dimpled smile? – that she began to view Arthur through a fresh lens.
If she bothered to look deeply, as Merlin insisted, to ignore the chauvinistic bravado and infuriating superiority complex, it was not difficult to recognize Arthur’s innate nobility and compassion that existed despite his monstrous father. And seeing as Merlin was as stubborn as he was convincing, it did not take long for Morgana to accept with a cautiously hopeful heart that with the aid of loyal friends, Arthur had it in him to become to the greatest sovereign Camelot had ever seen, a king who might actually prove himself worthy of the people both common and magical to whom he would be sworn to serve. Of course, she and Arthur still had their mundane squabbles and butted heads frequently over political and legal matters, but in the months since Merlin began her training, Morgana had acquired a new appreciation for the young man who was to her as good as a sibling.
As much as Merlin had done for her, however, it paled in comparison to Gwen’s contributions to her health and happiness.
For as long as Morgana had known Gwen she had held the blacksmith’s daughter in esteem far higher than any Lady should their maidservant. What started out as mutual respect born from shared grief over the loss of a parent soon flowered into genuine friendship. For many years they were the best of friends, each providing for the other a refuge from the storms of life and a confidante more reliable and wise and loyal than could be hired with all of Midas’ gold.
By the time Morgana entered womanhood, her fondness for Gwen had only swelled to become boundless as it was profound. In her eyes, Gwen was the most wonderful person in all the world; none could hope to be her equal in breathtaking beauty, charitable kindness, seemingly endless stores of patience, altogether praiseworthy meekness, a silent strength surpassing steel, or in nearly saintly levels of graciousness. Gwen was the unfailing light to Morgana’s rapidly encroaching darkness, the quickening sun to her deathly pale moon, the Aurora to her Luna. She neither trusted any more deeply as she did Gwen, nor did she desire the company of another so keenly. As a result, they were rarely parted until retiring for bed, and then only by necessity of station. So inextricably attached were they Gwen’s friends often jested that she must have accidentally stitched herself to her lady’s garments at the hip. The noblewomen were not nearly so kind. Some of the more prominent Ladies in the castle questioned the innocence of their arrangement, going so far as to exchange idle speculation which painted them as clandestine devotees of Sappho.
If Morgana could be bothered to care about the rumors, she would have confronted the useless busybodies long ago. But quite frankly, their opinions on her relationship with Gwen mattered for naught seeing as Arthur dismissed them as absurd upon reaching his ears and, beyond even that, Morgana would rather die than provide the snide gossipers ammunition that might serve as tacit confirmation that their unwelcome conjecture was not without merit – which was in fact the case.
All the same, though, she took great pains to prevent them from reaching the ears of the king. Uther already disapproved of their unusual bond and reminded her of such every time she treated Gwen with an ounce of basic human dignity while in his presence. Rather than censure the prejudice as she might have no long ago, Morgana now bore the chastisement with pride. Were it required, she would gladly wear forty stripes upon her skin if that be the price of Gwen’s love. The haughty bigotry of her guardian could never dissuade her from the path her heart had chosen to travel. Gwen was far too precious to ever surrender without a fight, to death if she must.
For what felt like ages, Morgana had believed her feelings would never be reciprocated. And that was perfectly acceptable to her, so long as Gwen remained an integral part of her life. The constant yearning that caused her chest to ache, sometimes almost painfully, was something she could endure so long as Gwen was happy.
That perspective radically transformed the night Gwen’s father died.
The midnight bells sounded in the citadel as Morgana slipped out into the upper town. Her intentions were pure at the time. She had only meant to visit her friend and offer what support she could, no matter the reckless impropriety of her visiting the her maidservant’s home so late at night. Instead, one glimpse of Gwen’s devastation over the pointless tragedy reignited her rage. All too quickly it boiled over, allowing those old, bitter feelings to spill out as impetuous threats of vengeance, and not only on Gwen’s behalf but for all those wronged by the merciless hand of Uther Pendragon. For what felt like hours she railed, heedless of the effect her malicious speech was having on the distraught girl she was supposed to be comforting.
It was only when Gwen – sweet Gwen, kind and thoughtful and selfless to a fault – had been pushed to her limits that Morgana’s perilous vitriol was interrupted.
Casting aside station, Gwen grasped her by the face and made her swear to never utter such dangerous words again.
“My brother has already abandoned me and now both my parents are dead,” Gwen had said, lips quivering and cheeks stained by tears. “I can’t lose you, too. I can’t. I won’t survive it.”
“Of course you would, Gwen. You’re the strongest person I know,” Morgana had replied, grasping reflexively at lean wrists, Gwen’s hands having migrated to the back of Morgana’s neck, thumbs cupped round the front of her ears. It was the first time she had been embraced so intimately, and if it weren’t for her anger she most certainly would have shivered with excitement at the surprisingly welcome contact.
“I’m not,” Gwen had half-sobbed, voice hoarse from hours surrendered to grief. “I’m only standing at all right now because the person I love most in all the world is here with me.”
Morgana hadn’t understood the nature of that declaration at first. Not until Gwen tucked her lip between her teeth, her nostrils flared with what could not be misinterpreted as anything but raw want, and her eyes went impossibly dark. A sharp gasp of realization was all Morgana could manage as a response, so stunned was she that her most secretive and treasured wish was being fulfilled.
But when Gwen nodded, chest heaving with emotion, despair and fear warring with adoration in her eyes, Morgana could no longer contain herself. Suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fused together, revealing the explanation as to why a simple smile from Gwen was able to chase away the storm clouds gathering above her head, or why Gwen’s chiming laughter kicked up butterflies in her stomach and a captivating warmth in her chest, or why even the most airy of touches from Gwen left a wake of goose-flesh in her skin. It wasn’t just love. It was destiny.
In retrospect, Morgana probably should have been as if not more terrified of crossing that final, socially forbidden line between mistress and servant, friend and lover, than she was of being magical. The thing of it was, the only relevant factors in that moment was Gwen willingly offering of herself more than she probably should and Morgana being selfish enough to accept.
They made love that night beneath Gwen’s threadbare sheets, and it was glorious, just as Morgana had imagined it would be.
All of their sorrows and anxieties and animosities drifted away like dandelion seeds upon a crisp summer breeze. Cliches regarding such unions suddenly made sense. Somewhere along the journey that began by laving the stiffened peak of a pert breast then languidly progressed into nestling her face into the delicate, aromatic flower situated between smooth bronze legs, she lost all sense of self. It was as if with each bruising kiss, playful nibble, and greedy draw with open mouth, she and Gwen were merging into one being. Gwen’s throaty noises and keening pleas reverberated through her every muscle fiber, down even into the very marrow of her bones. Gwen’s intoxicating flavor permeated her senses until it was all she could taste or smell. And Gwen’s gratification became hers as her hand slipped beneath her ridiculously extravagant undergarments to relieve the desperate pressure upon a mound so slick with arousal that the sound of her feverish rubbing was positively obscene.
Mere heartbeats after Gwen went taut with a silent scream, stars exploded behind Morgana’s eyes as the most exquisite mixture of pleasure and pain engulfed her mind and set her nether regions aflame. Spent and unable to control her trembling limbs, she collapsed across Gwen’s heaving chest. Strong arms immediately wrapped around underneath her arms to pull her in tight, and as she buried her nose in the damp curls at Gwen’s neck, all she could do was weep, utterly overcome by an unspeakable joy she understood without needing to ask was fully mutual. They fell asleep like that, Morgana stretched across Gwen, encased in an embrace that felt like a subconscious announcement of a claim upon her, heart and soul and body, something she not only welcomed but reveled in.
Wonderful thoughts about publicly belonging to Gwen lulled Morgana into a peaceful sleep that went markedly undisturbed.
In the pale light of morning she was still so drunken upon pure, heady, all consuming bliss to realize she would be missed if she did make an appearance in the castle. Had Gwen not pointed that out, she would have been more than glad to spend the entire day wrapped around her new lover, discovering every last spot that made Gwen’s toes curl ‘til the girl was too exhausted to move the tiniest muscle.
Alas, the constraints of reality marshaled both of them to action, and so once they had dressed, they sneaked carefully into the castle by auxiliary corridors during the changing of the guard. By only the slimmest of margins, they slipped into her chambers just as the fresh patrol rounded the corner in their direction. Once inside, the thrill of the close call and euphoria over their consummated love invigorated Morgana into a passion she could not ignore. Overcome by a need – more like an almost maddening hunger really – to touch, smell, and taste every delicious inch of the skin she had feasted upon last night, she unceremoniously dragged a breathless, ruddy cheeked Gwen straight over to her bed.
After that thorough christening, they lingered together in a tangle of limbs, both sated and happy. At least until the sound of Camelot’s awakening resounded through the chambers from the courtyard below and with it the first doubts crept in. Morgana could recall the subsequent conversation as though it had just happened.
***************
“I should see to my duties directly,” Gwen had said, immediately rustling to exit the bed upon hearing Arthur’s booming voice rattle down the hallway, clearly a response to the latest in an endless string of mistakes by his loyal yet tragically clumsy manservant.
Morgana hadn’t wanted to turn loose quite yet, so she tightened hold around Gwen’s waist, halting the undesired escape.
“They can wait,” she replied between leisurely kisses trailed up a shapely arm. “The laundry isn’t going anywhere, nor is the evening gown that needs mending. Stay with me a while longer.” She paused to nuzzle into Gwen’s shoulder. “Stay with me forever.”
Rather than struggle, Gwen melted the embrace. “You know that is all I wish for. I love you, Morgana. More than anything. But…”
“But what?”
“What if someone catches us?”
Morgana scoffed, having missed the long term nature of the question in addition to the concern pouring off of Gwen in waves she should not have missed. It was not her finest moment. She hadn’t meant to be insensitive, though. The idea had just seemed so preposterous at the time because she had thought Gwen was only speaking about the present.
“Who would be so bold as to enter my chambers without permission?” she had said. “Not even Uther at his most disrespectful would dare venture such a trespass. We are entirely safe here. No need to worry your pretty head.”
Gwen shifted in Morgana’s arms then so that they were face to face. “I do, though. Worry that is. And I have to ask: why aren’t you?”
“Why should I be? For that matter why should you be?” Morgana replied. And then she met Gwen’s eyes. Large, and impossibly dark, and unmistakably upset.
All of the sudden it was impossible for Morgana to ignore how frightened Gwen really was. In response, her stomach twisted almost painfully and her heart fell as the happy bubble she had been floating in abruptly burst.
What in all the world, she wondered in a moment of regrettable obliviousness, had Gwen afraid of them being caught? Her brow furrowed as deeply as it ever had as she mulled around potential causes.
Certainly they were going to have to be careful in the future to avoid exposure, she reckoned, but Gwen was as fully cognizant that there were more perilous secrets both were currently keeping. Morgana’s ability to pull the wool over Uther’s eyes was well established, and no one else besides the two of them had unfettered access to her chambers. Besides all that, Morgana knew every nook and cranny of the citadel and was able to slip out and into the upper town undetected at will, of which Gwen was also very well aware. So there had to be more to it. But what?
Only one other possibility occurred to her, and it was the one she least wanted to entertain. And yet...
“Unless you regret what has transpired between us?” she asked at length, unable to disguise her own fear, which manifested through a faint trembling in her voice.
“No!” Shaking her head fervently, Gwen grasped Morgana’s face much as she did the night before. “Not even for a second. I’ve lost so much, and I have much to regret, but not this. This is the best thing to ever happen to me. I just…”
Again Gwen trailed off, her hands retreating to clasp together against her mouth. And although Morgana’s anxiety had quieted with Gwen’s reassurance, there was clearly something still bothering her.
“Just what?” Morgana prompted, then reached out to stroke Gwen’s hair. “I hate seeing you so twisted up. Tell me. Please.”
A single, contrite nibble of a kiss-stung lip later, Gwen averted her eyes and gave her answer, “Don’t you wonder, even just for a second in the back of your mind, if what we did was wrong?”
Morgana very nearly sighed in relief. This was a problem she could easily remedy, as it was a one she had wrestled with for years only for Merlin’s simple yet profound worldview to unexpectedly resolve.
During the incident where Gwen was accused of using sorcery to heal her father, he had stumbled upon Morgana beside herself after a visit to Gwen’s cell. In her anxiety and grief she had confessed to having feelings for her handmaiden that although unseemly nonetheless had taken hold of her. Where she had expected disgust, she was instead given only understanding and compassion. In that endearingly provincial way of his, Merlin ensured her that love – if true and pure and unselfish, which he insisted hers for Gwen surely was – could never be wrong.
Morgana had felt something turn loose inside her at Merlin’s easy acceptance, as if her heart had been tied into a knot being slowly and perpetually tightened. Breathing became a relief once again. And as she learned to accept herself the way Merlin did, she began to hope that perhaps one day in the future a door would open for her to act upon her feelings without destroying what she and Gwen already shared. She could not have anticipated Tom’s death being the impetus for her to do so. Yet as awful as his tragic death was, it birthed something so infinitely precious that Morgana would never cease being grateful. And if only for the memory of that kind, thoughtful, patient man, she would never stop fighting for the love she shared with her beloved Guinevere.
“Gwen,” she had said, unsuccessfully vying for her conflicted love’s attention. Twice more she called Gwen’s name, and after receiving no response pushed up slightly on her elbow. “Look at me, Guinevere.” When large, uncertain eyes, brimming with tears, met hers, she leaned over so that she could press her forehead against Gwen’s. “We have done nothing wrong. Do you hear me? If you trust me, if you love me as you assert to, believe me when I say this. Something so wonderful and beautiful and perfect could never be anything less than rightly divine.”
***************
That phrase that swiftly became Morgana’s favorite answer to Gwen’s occasional concerns. The world at large, and most definitely those housed within the vaunted halls of Camelot’s citadel, would most certainly view their relationship as wicked and immoral and perverse. If that was indeed the case, Morgana did not believe she ever wanted to be either innocent or righteous. Their love was wonderful, and beautiful, and perfectly divine; an immutable fact which Morgana was determined to never allow either of them to forget.
No doubt lurked within Gwen’s eyes this morning, however, only unadulterated affection. And that made Morgana exceedingly joyful indeed.
“I understand what you mean,” Morgana at last said after escaping that precious memory. She sighed contentedly and shuttered her eyelids as yet another reverent brush of fingers smoothed along the crest of her chin. And while the diligent attention felt incredible, she grew increasingly curious why Gwen’s focus appeared to have narrowly fixated on that one specific region of her face.
“What’s the matter?” Gwen said after a bit of easy silence.
“What makes you think something’s the matter?” Morgana replied, still basking in the glow of Gwen’s magical touch.
“You have that telltale crease between your brow which means something is bothering you.”
This time Morgana opened her eyes. “I’m not bothered, merely at a loss as to why you suddenly find my chin so hypnotizing.”
Gwen sucked at her lip momentarily as if weighing whether to answer before a crooked smile bloomed across her handsome features.
“Well, not just your chin, but if you must know it’s all these little hairs…” And then she stroked Morgana’s chin again, this time allowing her fingers to feather over said hairs all the way down her jawline.
“Are you saying my face is hairy, Gwen?” Morgana asked, frowning as a thread of hurt pulled taut.
As should be obvious, she didn’t appreciate it pointed out that her alabaster skin failed to conceal what otherwise would have been a nearly invisible coat of fine hairs that covered all humans male and female alike. Arthur teased her about it relentlessly when she was a blossoming teenager, and even now some of the noble ladies who envied her would snidely comment upon how it clearly indicated that she was a witch destined for a life of barren unhappiness.
Up til now, Gwen had made no mention of that peculiar feature and Morgana would be lying if she claimed she wasn’t wounded that it would be brought up only now that they were in an intimate situation.
“No!” Gwen’s eyes went wide as the full moon. “No, not at all! I mean...well, yes, it sort of is.” A huffed breath of remorse followed Morgana’s gasp of offense. “Not that it’s a bad thing! I swear I meant no insult. I have some too, after all. It’s just less visible because of my skin tone probably. And don’t worry! It’s nothing like Lady Johanna’s fledgling beard. Not even close. On the contrary, they’re so tiny and delicate and wispy and soft, and I really am utterly obsessed with them because they are part of you and you are perfect, so they are also perfect by extension, and I just can’t get over how adorable they are, and I am currently babbling like a lunatic with zero manners. I am so sorry, milady.”
At the end of that adorable ramble, Gwen’s shoulders hunched in as her cheeks darkened and she yet again sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Any insult Morgana felt evaporated as quickly as it formed. How could she be upset with such an enchanting creature?
Reaching across Gwen’s waist, she pulled her abashed lover down until they were flush, skin to skin from shoulders to hips.
“Oh, Gwen, there is nothing to be sorry for,” she said, legs instinctively parting as Gwen’s familiar weight settled against her. “My reaction is habit, I’m afraid, due to Arthur’s derisive mocking. It’s actually quite nice to hear a compliment for a change.”
“Are you sure you’re not cross with me? I’d understand if you were…”
No one with a functioning soul could be cross with those doe eyes staring at them, Morgana decided. She danced her fingers with lighthearted mirth across Gwen’s cheeks and over the ridge of her nose.
“Nonsense, sweetling. It’s no different than me admiring your freckles.”
Gwen’s features relaxed into a flattered smile. “You like my freckles?”
“Like them? I love them! How could I not? It’s like you said, they are a part of you, and you are perfect, therefore they are perfect by extension.”
In response, Gwen gave her an appreciative little smile before arresting her hand to place a kiss upon the inside of her wrist.
“So you won’t mind to be awakened like that again should I fail to curb my weird fascination?”
“Only if you won’t should I wake you by mapping the stars written across your cheeks,” Morgana said, then returned Gwen’s tactile affection with some of her own by again acting out her words with her own fingers. She was pleased when Gwen leaned in to the touch.
“I promise I won’t. I think I’d quite fancy that, actually.”
“Then I promise, too. And if you’re a good girl today, perhaps I will indulge your fancy tomorrow morning.”
“Well, then, I’d better get to work, hadn’t I?”
Eyes flashing with eager anticipation, Gwen threw the covers aside and made to get out of bed – a development Morgana was not prepared to authorize. Not only was she of a mind to lounge abed and cuddle away another hour or two, all of Camelot was blanketed in snow and she was loathe to be deprived of Gwen’s heavenly body...heat.
“Now, now,” Morgana tugged at Gwen, almost desperate with a need to curl right back into Gwen’s warmth and never move again while hoping she sounded at least somewhat the dignified noblewoman she was supposed to be. “Don’t be so hasty. Have you forgotten yourself and your duties to your lady? I haven’t yet had my good morning kiss.”
Gwen tumbled back into bed giggling merrily. “For shame! I have failed my lady most unforgivably. I shall rectify the trespass immediately.”
“See that you do, Guinevere, and promptly,” Morgana said, her eyes twinkling as her own merriment curved her lips into a smile. “As you know, your lady does not appreciate being made to wait.”
After a deliberately silly half-curtsy, Gwen draped herself across Morgana’s body, and once settled whispered her reply against Morgana’s already tingling lips.
“My lady’s wish is my command.”
The brief peck that followed was not enough for Morgana. Fingers winding into dark curls, she pulled Gwen into a much more passionate kiss, which lead to another, and another, until the embrace quickly evolved into tangling tongues and undulating hips. Soon enough, Gwen’s head was disappearing beneath the sheets and Morgana was having to recall how to breathe due to the magnificently excruciating pleasure coursing through her loins.
And that was how she came to be late for her first appointment of the morning, where she was relentlessly lectured about the importance of punctuality over manchet, eggs, sausage, and apples sprinkled with cinnamon. It was worth it, though. Her giddy grin throughout breakfast only made Arthur more bewildered and Uther more angry.
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loopholes (cont.)
I literally can’t even begin to tell you how much everyone’s support meant to me on the last chapter. All your comments and tags were so sweet, it was seriously the highlight of my day. I’m sorry for the delay, I meant to get this out a couple of days ago, but I’ve come down with a bad cold. This part, while fun, was so hard to get right. Angus Macgyver is a genius, his mind goes a mile a minute, and I wanted to do my best to replicate that. This part is a little slow in getting to the Macriley stuff, but I wanted to show how much he really thinks about things. He’s such a complex character, that if I didn’t do him justice, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Also, there’s dialogue in this one! Sadly, Jack isn’t mentioned in this chapter, but he’s there in spirit. Clearly, we all love and miss him. I hope you guys enjoy, the last part will be out soon! x
~
loop·hole
noun | A loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in a system, such as a law or security, which can be used to circumvent or otherwise avoid the purpose, implied or explicitly stated, of the system
~
Riley finally moves into her new apartment, but struggles to adjust after the events of Codex and the realization of her feelings for Mac. When Mac finds her passed out over her keyboard after a late night of coding at Phoenix, he decides a talk is long overdue. Just some slightly angsty soft!macriley to help you cope with this season 5 hiatus.
~
of lips that i am yet to kiss (and eyes not met my own.)
It's highly unlikely that you'll find Mac walking down the halls of the Phoenix Foundation so late at night. Without the bustling energy of his coworkers fetching important documents or discussing the best way to break down one of the many mysteries the foundation deals with, the darkened hallways and quiet atmosphere can be unnerving.
Sure, he spends nearly every waking hour employed there, but he'd rather be outside the office in different countries, doing hands-on work and saving lives. When you work in his profession, It can be difficult to separate business and pleasure, but that only makes it more important—if only to conserve what mental health he has left.
However, in the haste of putting together last-minute preparations for yet another meeting with the Department of Justice and trying to make it back to his house in time for something Desi whipped up, he managed to forget his cellphone.
It's funny, mainly because of how little the small device truly matters to Mac.
It only goes to show how insignificant material objects, or even human beings in general, are. The idea that something so meaningless can affect someone's life so much when, if they just looked past that obsession and considered its part in the profound scope of the universe, another perspective would take shape.
It's fascinating stuff, really.
There's a concept essential to understanding Japanese aesthetics, otherwise known as an ancient set of ideals important to Japanese society, called Yūgen. When applied in the right context, Yūgen underlines this deep awareness of the universe and the experiences we have within it. It's often the feeling interpreted when you gaze at the stars late at night or watch the sunset dip behind a hill.
Mac wouldn't think twice before breaking his phone, or rather, breaking the phone of his nearest friend, open for an obscure part that might make one of his many homemade devices come together. However, when he's the only person able to communicate the scientific specifications of an unheard-of-until-recently base plan for saving the planet, he's practically on call 24/7.
He remembers having it in the labs earlier that day when he stopped by before his meeting to remind Bozer to come by his house on Friday for the team's new weekly attempt in group-bonding.
After the betrayals that surfaced during the climax of taking down Codex, the team collectively decided to spend more time as a group in hopes of eliminating any lingering doubts.
They used to hang out all the time before the government dismantled the Phoenix Foundation.
Mac still can't believe that, after everything they had been through, he allowed his friendships to dissipate over the year they had been separate.
Bozer is his childhood best friend, and Riley had become a solid foundation in his life. He didn't have anyone outside his team at Phoenix, and while he deeply cared for Desi, their first relationship was proof that too much time—and too little communication—with each other can do severe damage to one's sanity.
If Russ hadn't brought them back together, would they have tried to reconnect at some point?
Mac wants to say they would have but wouldn't blame them if they didn't; they all lost something they cared about, and each served as a constant reminder of it.
It would've been hard, but part of him feels like living without them is a lot harder.
When he manages to access the lab, flipping his shiny new I.D. card over his fingers and into its place in his wallet, his eyes scan the room. It's empty, which isn't unusual at this time, but years of military training have rewired his brain to notify him of threats, even if there aren't any.
Just like he thought it would be, the device sits untouched a few tables behind Bozer's workspace where Mac had been sitting.
Quickly, because he left the house in a hurry and forgot to leave a note, he scoops up his phone and makes his way towards the exit. There's a couple of missed calls, but it doesn't seem like he missed anything too important.
Not that they would let him.
At any rate, they would probably show up on his doorstep if they couldn't get a hold of him. With days off so few and far between, that's the kind of interaction he's hoping to avoid. Hence, why he came to pick up his phone when he realized it was missing instead of waiting until the next day.
He's nearly made it to the end of the hall when a light flashes in his peripheral vision, coming from the I.T. department.
His body is tense with apprehension; his mind races with several different kinds of possibilities and outcomes. He slows his pace, his movements fluid, silent, and controlled from years of stealth practice.
The light is soft, he notices, as if only one or two monitors are in use.
When he gets to the doorway and nudges open the door, hands at the ready, his entire body sags in relief to see the dark wavy hair he's come to associate with one of his closest friends.
"Riles?"
The nickname falls from his mouth before he can stop it, and even though the light from the monitor creates a halo above her head, shadowing her features, it's unmistakably her.
She doesn't move.
It becomes abundantly clear why as Mac moves towards her and notices the monitor's screen filling up with a sequence of letters that look nothing like coding despite his lack of knowledge in programming languages.
Her elbow balances precariously on the edge of the table, her arms creating a makeshift pillow for her head. The weight of her forearm bears down on the keyboard, causing the side of her hand to press down multiple keys at once.
He shakes his head a little, amused by the situation unfolding.
Her cheek rests comfortably on her hand, a serene expression masking the signs of exhaustion that showed on her face.
Mac's lips curved into a soft smile, seeing Riley in any state that wasn't cloaked in layers of worry or anxious determination always washed away any doubts he might have about working in such a stressful field.
The scars that covered his body, the secrets he has to keep, and the pain he has to endure are so unbelievably worth it as long as she out of harm's way and able to sleep peacefully.
Of course, he couldn't imagine anyone else by his side on a mission, knowing they share the same love and passion for kicking ass and saving lives.
However, he also knows that more lies underneath the surface.
He wouldn't wish the hardships of this job on anyone. Seeing it affect someone he cares about, watching it break them down slowly pulls at his heartstrings and fills him with a knowing sadness.
When a piece of hair falls into her face, his fingers don't hesitate to gently brush it behind her ear, lightly tracing her cheekbone and caressing her cheek.
Kneeling, his hand drops to her shoulder in an attempt to gently wake her.
After a couple of shakes, the expressive brown eyes he's come to look forward to seeing begin to flutter open and nearly render him speechless.
She blinks a couple of times, inhaling slowly, "Macgyver."
Her voice is full of sleep and breaks from misuse, but the way she says his name—like there's nobody else she'd expect to see when she wakes up —has him grinning from ear to ear.
"Good morning, sleepyhead."
Rising from her position on the table, she scans the room before meeting his eyes and scoffing, "It's hardly the morning."
He laughs softly, holding back the urge to mention that technically it is morning considering its past twelve. Instead, he focuses on the matter at hand, or more likely, the question at hand.
"What are you doing here so late?"
She's more alert now, sitting back in her chair and lifting her arms to stretch out the muscles that stiffened while she slept, glancing at her work on the monitor.
Her face drops into a grimace when she notices her mistake, "Matty and I were talking about updating the foundation's firewall and spyware," she yawns, "I must have been more tired than I realized."
Mac's eyebrows scrunch in thought, remembering something Bozer said earlier about Riley spending quite a few nights this week working late.
Between going over his mother's scientific data, trying to patch up whatever relationship he had left with Desi, and making sure he didn't go off the rails with grief, his effort to check in on everyone decreased significantly.
"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately," his hand returned to her shoulder to emphasize his point, "Everything okay?"
She waves him off, "There's too much work that needs to be done around here before we can get things running the way they used to."
Riley doesn't lie to him—if you overlook the whole situation with her ex, Aubrey, that is, but the movements she's making indicate otherwise.
Her eyes refuse to meet his, flickering down and to the right. When she talks, her head shakes lightly, and she purses her lips in an attempt to give off a careless impression. Maybe someone who doesn't know her or didn't train to pick up on it would believe her, but he knew better.
She was definitely hiding something from him.
Part of him understands that if she wanted to talk about it, she would. However, his instincts urge him to press harder, locate the problem, and bring back her contagious smile that always seems to fill him with warmth.
As much as he doesn't want to admit it, you can't patch some things together by sheer will and sellotape, so instead, he stands up and drops his hand from her shoulder.
"Let's get you home."
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Lumity: A Well-Made Bond
The Owl House has a lot of good things going for it, and I covered a great deal of those things in my last post about it. But there is one aspect about the show that I've come to enjoy possibly more than anything else, and that's the relationship between its central protagonist, Luz Noceda, and supporting character Amity Blight. And before anyone wonders, no, I'm not going to spend this entire thing just fawning over the two and gushing over how adorable I think they are together. But believe me, I am seriously tempted to do exactly that, because hey, just look at that image above. No, as much as all that stuff is true, I truly like this growing bond between the two and how it's developed over the course of the series, with them having started out as being at odds with one another to winding up as so much more. It's been an incredible journey seeing their relationship change in the way that it has, and along the way it's served as an excellent showcase for the character of Amity herself, who is unquestionably one of my favourites in this show's cast. So without further ado, allow me to explain why I feel this relationship is one of the highlights of the show for me.
When Amity is first introduced to us, her very first scene makes us think we know exactly who this girl is going to be for us. She's the typical school bully character. The one who will rival Luz and her friends and push them around whenever they meet. The girl that we'll cheer whenever she faces defeat. Yet despite Amity showing the traits of that character, even in this earliest of moments we see that there's more to her. Yes, she's unkind to Willow, but she's also someone who greatly values hard work, and utterly despises cheaters. And as the episode progresses we may find ourselves siding with her, if only out of principal. Luz and Willow were cheating and lying about what they were doing in order to make the latter look better at her classes than she really was, and no matter how you slice it, Amity losing her spot as top student to someone who only succeed through deception is an unfair thing. Amity's anger was justified, even if we were given nothing else to like about her just now. So while expectations had been set up for her to be an unlikable character, there were already shades of more beneath the surface, and that's something we'd get a lot more of as time went on.
In her next couple of appearances, we started to see Amity outside of the competitive environment of Hexside, and again this brought to light sides of her that wouldn't have been expected. We learn of her ambition to join the Emperor's Coven and her utter glee at the thought of actually succeeding at it. We see her reading to children and actually enjoy doing so, even if she protested at her reasons for doing it. In short, we started to see a great deal of positive traits from her. True, she was still bitter towards Luz, and actions like stepping on King's cupcake certainly weren't called for, but this was definitely the start of her growing out of the bully role she'd been set up for, which is especially interesting considering she'd only had one episode in that spot. Yet her time with Luz in both episodes, Covention and Lost in Language, shows them both growing closer, with Amity acknowledging that there's more to her than just being a cheat in the former, and recognising and appreciating that she herself hadn't been the nicest of people in the latter. The two weren't friends by this point, but it definitely laid the groundwork for them to become such later on.
Then, after the long hiatus of the show, we got Adventures in the Elements, where the connection between Amity and Luz has apparently blossomed into a full-blown friendship. Whatever animosity had been between them had gone by this point, and they were both excited at the prospect of actually going to the same school together. Amity had come to recognise by now that Luz works just as hard as she does when it comes to learning magic, even if she wasn't as far along in her skills as she was, and the fact that they shared common interests, most notably their love for the Azura book series, gave Amity possibly the first genuine friend she's had in a very long time. But there were still bumps in the road for her and Luz, especially then the latter stole her training wand for her own purposes. And on a side note, I understand that Luz was likely frustrated with her own training, but that was still the most disappointed I'd ever been in her by that point. Still, those problems were worked through, and much like with the "library incident" the two worked together to successfully overcome the big danger of the episode, resulting in Luz learning her second spell and Amity looking forward to their time as classmates.
After this, we wouldn't see much of Amity during Luz's early time in Hexside, but her next big inclusion in the story came in one of the season's best episodes, Understanding Willow, where we're given not only another great instance of Amity and Luz working together, but also giving us a full explanation as to why Amity was the way she was towards Willow during their first appearance. It is revealed that Amity distancing herself from her was the result of an apparently abusive household, where the Blight's family status pressured her to associate only with more powerful witches. Her parents even went so far as to threaten to keep Willow out of school should Amity continue to be friends with her. So in the end, it turns out that Amity's cruelty was done so Willow actually had a chance of getting into Hexside in the first place. Now, this is a terrible thing for children to go through, both Willow and Amity, and the latter's parents rightly deserve a good smack for treating their daughter that way. But while Amity's words and actions towards Willow were bad, they became understandable, as they were hiding a greater cruelty behind them. It doesn't excuse Amity for how she was with Willow at the start of the show, but it does put it in a new light. And additionally, I appreciate how this didn't automatically become a renewed friendship with Willow when all was said and done, as such things take time to heal.
And then, we came to the big one. Enchanting Grom Fright. This was it, the big Lumity moment that had the fandom screaming and squealing with joy over finally seeing those two cinnamon rolls get together. And I'd be dishonest if I said I wasn't wearing the biggest smile on my face when I saw that episode play out. Luz and Amity's moments together, especially that now-famous dance sequence, were immediately enjoyable to watch and have likely been re-watched over a dozen times now. But it also served as a pretty definitive marker that Amity's feelings towards Luz had developed far beyond friendship by this point. So much so that her greatest fear was being rejected by her, either in general or for the dance specifically. There had been hints of that liking before this, but this episode confirmed it. And what I love about it is that a lot of groundwork had been established beforehand to make it work. It wasn't just them being friends after the library and then instant crush. Time had been taken to bring us to this point, so that when they finally went together in that incredible dance, it was a moment that the show had fully earned for itself.
Now, before, I go any further with what happens with Amity in the show, I feel like I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the point of LGBT representation in this show. Now, I am by no means someone who is qualified to speak on matters like this, but if I'm going to talk about a same-sex relationship like this I feel it's sort of unavoidable. Obviously I'm happy that Disney is doing this, regardless of whether or not it's their first such relationship on-screen. I have no idea if it is, given all the news I've heard of other "firsts" in Disney media. But I think what's especially interesting about this is that it's taking place in a story where the themes and ideas sort of align with those kinds of relationships. Remember, as I mentioned in my last Owl House discussion, one of the big ideas of the Boiling Isles is that it's a society where those who deviate from the norm are looked down on or punished severely, and I don't think I'm wrong in saying that that's a situation that a lot of LGBT people can identify with. So having this relationship take place against that sort of backdrop seems like an ideal match, though I'm not sure if that's a specific idea the writers had for it.
Once we got Grom out of the way, Amity continued to be a good and enjoyable character, but her development, it had to be said, wasn't as profound after the big dance. Outside of learning that she had past regrets from hurting her former grudgby teammates, the only things new with her is that her feelings for Luz have reached such a point that she's driven to an almost blubbering, incoherent state whenever she's close to her. Naturally, this is as hilarious and endearing as you'd expect, and was easily one of the more entertaining aspects of the Wing it Like Witches episode. However, it also showed a rather unfortunate point about this crush she has on Luz, and that's that Luz herself seems oblivious to it. Sure, that's great for comedy, but it does present the worry that Amity's romantic leanings towards her might not be fully reciprocated. As a shipper myself, this is troublesome, but objectively speaking I can't say it's a real problem with the episode or the relationship. Indeed, having it turn out that Luz doesn't feel the same way, and then Amity having to deal with it with the two still maintaining a friendship has the potential for a good episode down the line, so on that note we'll likely just have to wait and see.
When that was over, we reached pretty much the end of Amity's inclusion in season one. Aside from a few cameo appearances showing her recovering from her grudgby injury, she wouldn't make another appearance in the story. Now, as someone who very much likes this character, this was disappointing, but I do understand wanting to downplay her. She had, after all, pretty much dominated the story for the last few episodes, so I can appreciate wanting to ease off her for a while and get back to the main cast. As far as her relationship to Luz is concerned, we'll have to wait until the show's second season to see where it goes, though I can predict some interesting things between them given how the season ended. Luz is now officially an enemy of Emperor Belos, the leader Amity has spent her life trying to enter into the service of, and that, coupled with Luz's likely dislike of the man, with probably lead to some conflicted feelings between the two girls. I truly hope this doesn't sour the connection they've established, but like with a lot of things brought on by the season finale, that's all up in the air right now. I've known the struggle of waiting for new season before, and I can go through it again.
The Owl House has a lot of great things to talk about, and while I may feel differently about it as time goes on, for now I really do enjoy the character of Amity a lot. The way she's written, the way she breaks out of the expectations we might have started out for her, the way she slowly grew closer to the rest of the cast, to finally developing feelings for our main heroine, it was all a delight to watch. I might even go so far as to say that, when it comes to school rival characters, she may be among the best I've ever seen, if only by virtue of how enjoyable she's been. Like with everyone else in this cast, Amity has been a stellar inclusion, and though I worry about how she'll be handled when the Owl House eventually returns to us, for now I'm very satisfied with what we've seen of her thus far. Lumity may not, as I may have indicated earlier, be the objective best thing about this show, but it continues to bring a smile to my face. And I think we can all agree that, in times like this, finding something that makes us feel happy should be treasured as much as possible 🥰
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