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mostlysignssomeportents · 7 months

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Amazon's bestselling "bitter lemon" energy drink was bottled delivery driver piss

Today (Oct 20), I'm in Charleston, WV at Charleston's Taylor Books from 12h-14h.

For a brief time this year, the bestselling "bitter lemon drink" on Amazon was "Release Energy," which consisted of the harvested urine of Amazon delivery drivers, rebottled for sale by Catfish UK prankster Oobah Butler in a stunt for a new Channel 4 doc, "The Great Amazon Heist":

https://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-great-amazon-heist

Collecting driver piss is surprisingly easy. Amazon, you see, puts its drivers on a quota that makes it impossible for them to drive safely, park conscientiously, or, indeed, fulfill their basic human biological needs. Amazon has long waged war on its employees' kidneys, marking down warehouse workers for "time off task" when they visit the toilets.

As tales of drivers pissing – and shitting! – in their vans multiplied, Amazon took decisive action. The company enacted a strict zero tolerance policy for drivers returning to the depot with bottles of piss in their vans.

That's where Butler comes in: the roads leading to Amazon delivery depots are lined with bottles of piss thrown out of delivery vans by drivers who don't want to lose their jobs, which made harvesting the raw material for "Release Energy" a straightforward matter.

Butler was worried that he wouldn't be able to list his product on Amazon because he didn't have the requisite "food and drinks licensing" certificates, so he listed his drink in Amazon's refillable pump dispenser category. But Amazon's systems detected the mismatch and automatically shifted the product into the drinks section.

Butler enlisted some confederates to place orders for his drink, and it quickly rocketed to the top of Amazon's listings for the category, which led to Amazon's recommendation engine pushing the item on people who weren't in on the gag. When these orders came in, Butler pulled the plug, but not before an Amazon rep telephoned him to pitch him turning packaging, shipping and fulfillment over to Amazon:

https://www.wired.com/story/amazon-let-its-drivers-urine-be-sold-as-an-energy-drink/

The Release Energy prank was just one stunt Butler pulled for his doc; he also went undercover at an Amazon warehouse, during a period when Amazon hired an extra 1,000 workers for its warehouses in Coventry, UK, in a successful bid to dilute pro-union sentiment in his workforce in advance of a key union vote:

https://jacobin.com/2023/10/the-great-amazon-heist-oobah-butler-review

Butler's stint as an Amazon warehouse worker only lasted a couple of days, ending when Amazon recognized him and fired him.

The contrast between Amazon's ability to detect an undercover reporter and its inability to spot bottles of piss being marketed as bitter lemon energy drink says it all, really. Corporations like Amazon hire vast armies of "threat intelligence" creeps who LARP at being CIA superspies, subjecting employees and activists to intense and often illegal surveillance.

But while Amazon's defensive might is laser-focused on the threat of labor organizers and documentarians, the company can't figure out that one of its bestselling products is bottles of its tormented drivers' own urine.

In the USA, the FTC is suing Amazon for its monopolistic tactics, arguing that the company has found ways to raise prices and reduce quality by trapping manufacturers and sellers with its logistics operation, taking $0.45-$0.51 out of every dollar they earn and forcing them to raise prices at all retailers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

The Release Energy stunt shows where Amazon's priorities are. Not only did Release Energy get listed on Amazon without any quality checks, the company actually nudged it into a category where it was more likely to be consumed by a person. The only notice the company took of Release Energy was in its logistics and manufacturing department – the part of the business that extracts the monopoly rents at issue in the FTC case – which tracked Butler down in order to sell him these services.

The drivers whose piss Butler collected don't work directly for Amazon, they work for a Delivery Service Partner. These DSPs are victims of a pyramid scheme that Amazon set up. DSP operators lease vans and pay to have them skinned in Amazon livery and studded with Amazon sensors. They take out long-term leases on depots, and hire drivers who dress in Amazon uniforms. Their drivers are minutely monitored by Amazon, down to the movements of their eyeballs.

But none of this is "Amazon" – it's all run by an "entrepreneur," whom Amazon can cut loose without notice, leaving them with unfairly terminated employees, outstanding workers' comp claims, a fleet of Amazon-skinned vehicles and unbreakable facilities leases:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/17/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs/

Speaking to Wired, Amazon denied that it forces its drivers to piss in bottles, but Butler clearly catches a DSP dispatcher telling drivers "If you pee in a bottle and leave it [in the vehicle], you will get a point for that" – that is, the part you get punished for isn't the peeing, it's the leaving.

Amazon's defense against the FTC is that it spares no effort to keep its marketplace safe. As Amazon spokesperson James Drummond says, they use "industry-leading tools to prevent genuinely unsafe products being listed." But the only industry-leading tools in evidence are tools to bust unions and screw suppliers.

In her landmark Yale Law Review paper, "Amazon's Antitrust Paradox," FTC Chair Lina Khan makes a brilliant argument that Amazon's alleged benefits to "consumers" are temporary at best, illusory at worst:

https://www.yalelawjournal.org/note/amazons-antitrust-paradox

In Butler's documentary, Khan's hypothesis is thoroughly validated: here's a company extracting hundreds of billions from merchants who raise prices to compensate, and those monopoly rents are "invested" in union-busting and countermeasures against investigative journalists, while the tools to keep you from accidentally getting a bottle of piss in the mail are laughably primitive.

Truly, Amazon is the apex predator of the platform era:

https://pluralistic.net/ApexPredator

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/20/release-energy/#the-bitterest-lemon

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!

#pluralistic #release energy #channel 4 #amazon #corporate intelligence #labor #unions #amazon labor union #the great Amazon heist #catfish uk #oobah butler #delivery service partner

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bleuu-moon · 5 months

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imagine you’re a civilian who’s held hostage with price, but you don’t know he’s in the special forces, until he’s forced to whisper it in your ear as a way to try and calm you down as you begin to hyperventilate. telling you how if your captors knew, they’d kill him straight away, but he knows his men are already out looking for him.

and then it all starts to make sense, the way he never seemed fazed by the two days that you’ve both been locked up for, the constant reassurance he offered when you began getting overly emotional, the checking in on you, the advice he offered to drink sips, not gulps and ways to conserve your energy.

he knows he gave you hope, as you become more talkative, making conversation about your outside lives. asking him personal questions that he doesn’t mind to answer for you, and seeing how you perk up talking about yours, he reciprocates the questions.

by day five, it feels like ten, but you’ve become a peace for one another. talking escapes you both, temporarily erasing the memory of your current situation.

you’re there, rushing to his side when he gets a blow to the face from one of your detainers, a result of his unsmart mouth, asking him how to help stop the bleeding from the gash on his cheek. he tries to shoo you away, ensuring he’s fine, but once you rip a piece of fabric from your t-shirt and press it to his injury, it’s almost like he rests into your touch.

he begins becoming protective, when a captor makes a beeline for you, he won’t hesitate but to use himself as a human shield. willingly taking another punch or kick a punishment for his distraction. when a small bottle of water and stale food is shoved underneath the gate, he’ll make sure you have more than he does, refusing to listen to your protests. whenever he’s able to sleep, he’ll place himself closest to the door, in front of you, yet always facing you. once you’re tired, he’ll urge you to sleep, making sure he doesn’t sleep for too long at the same time.

the only time that john panics in that cell, is when a gun is pulled up to your head, as a blackmailing tactic for information.

information that your brain doesn’t comprehend as your body is whirling in fight or flight. you watch on as he attempts to bargain with the man behind you, whilst still offering you comfort with the way his eyes soften as they meet yours, and a hand reaching out towards you.

and that’s when the cavalry arrive.

the chance to fall to your knees, free from the enemy’s grasp as he runs towards the gunfire, john lunging forwards to collect you in his arms. cradling you into his chest as you fall apart against him. he soothes you, telling you that it’s all over, that you’re okay.

you don’t leave johns side until you arrive at the hospital. glued to him from the moment he stood you up and walked out the cell with pulled into his side, hearing words of affirmation towards him from those who refer to him as “captain”. in the helicopter, he still had you right there, so close to him, you may as-well be one. that’s why the nurses have to pretty much pry you from him when you land.

conveniently, you both end up on other sides of the building, as your vitals are checked and monitored. not knowing that john was discharged almost straight away, and on his way to find you within the first couple of hours, to everyone else’s dismay.

he doesn’t know the emotion he feels the second he see’s you asleep, but all he knows is that the sight brings him to the verge of tears. the drip that’s connected to the top of your hand, the continuous beeping that mirrors your steady heartbeat, but most of all — how peaceful and healthy you look already. admiring you, he quietly finds himself beside your bed, his hand subconsciously wrapping around yours, instantly noticing the warmth that you now possess. and when you slightly flinch, and flicker your eyes open to meet his, the small smile that forms on your lips almost brings john to his knees.

and that, right there, is how he knows that even though the way you met wasn’t ideal, he wants you beside him for the rest of his life.

#this was one of them things that i wrote read it back got disappointed and then thought fuck it #i will write a longer version of this one day #love these two x #captain john price #this was done in like an hour so bare with meeee #price x reader #captain price x reader #cod prompts

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intothegenshinworld · 5 months

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"An Enchanted Evening"

Banquets and parties alike weren’t uncommon in the Zapolyarny Palace. Funny enough, you seemed to be getting invites to them nearly every other month. One of the more silly perks of knowing Pulcinella, you suppose.

⟡

Like any other event, PULCINELLA would be the one signing his name as the sender of your letter of invitation. With your long standing acquaintance, he can’t help but see you as his adopted grandchild and a possible successor in the future. No matter the event, he’d try his best to involve you. At first he only did so to grant you access to the most elite connections in Snezhnaya and to elevate you to a higher status, but you quickly found your way into the hearts of the other Harbingers as well. From serving glasses of champagne during the annual winter ball as a server, to being seated amongst the most important people in Snezhnaya as a beloved friend. – Luck must be on your side if you’ve swayed all of their hearts, and who are you to refuse their affections?

As another close acquaintance to the 5th Harbinger, it's natural for CHILDE and you to have a close connection too. While you might not share the same lust over power and battles, you're able to confide in him without judgment. He is good company, and he often shares the most epic stories from his adventures and the more wholesome ones of his family in Morepesok. Should you at any time find the banquet to be boring, he's more than up for leaving and sneaking you out. However, be prepared for a scolding from Pulcinella once your missing presences are noticed by the others.

If you decide to sit next to PANTALONE at the banquet, you’ll likely catch his smile crumble at some point during the banquet—it being replaced by a scowl as annoyance visibly sets on his face. When yet another plate crashes or a fight breaks out and chairs get thrown across the room, he unconsciously counts the heaps of mora he’d need to spend on repairs just because a few people are insolent and refuse to have manners. Fortunately, he seems to have a soft spot for you. If you ever happen to break anything, on purpose or not, he suddenly seems to be oblivious to the action. Ask him anything, and he'll get it for you. After all, everything has a price, and what's a few million mora and a couple of favors if he can capture your heart in the end.

After a glass of wine, SIGNORA will start to share gossip with the Harbingers, often causing arguments between others as these bits of news are not in favor of her colleagues. She watches the entertainment from a safe distance, but if you call her out, she’ll try to avoid causing any more chaos during the banquet. Of course, in return she expects you to keep her entertained instead. If you drink, she’ll coax you to drink enough for you to spill your own secrets. And while she doesn’t care about the safety of others' private affairs, she’ll keep yours close to her chest.

As the fireplace crackles in the background, ARLECCHINO will mutter disapprovingly under her breath. The loud arguments, the spilled wine, — she can't stand the lack of etiquette at the table, and the sight of an elemental attack nearly hitting you makes her cringe. So, go on. Sit next to her. She'll keep you safe from the more unruly Harbingers. In the meantime, if you're polite and express genuine interest in her, she might share a few stories from Fontaine — but only if you offer some stories of your own in return. No ulterior motives, she simply wishes to know you at a more intimate level than the others do.

Between the enthusiastic and annoyed Harbingers, SANDRONE appears to be disinterested. Unimpressed by the stories of her colleagues, she sits in the chair, poking the food on her plate with a bored expression. If you try your luck by approaching her for a conversation, she’ll likely gain some energy. Mention her robots or any of her current projects, and she'll expect you to listen thoroughly for the remainder of the night. Don't worry, if you fall asleep you can rest your head on her shoulder. It's not like she'll be joining any dances or the conversation of the others anyway.

While the fellow Harbingers are captivated by the variety of food and bustling atmosphere, CAPITANO will find a way to excuse himself to take a breather. Often, events like these are exhausting, and as a soldier of war, he’s unable to fully relax or make small talk. Still, as he walks out into the quiet halls of the palace, he hopes you’ll follow him. He doesn’t need someone to check up on him, but your worry warms his heart and he adores it when you fuss over him despite his status and rank. As you approach him in the halls, he’ll tell you he needs some air, and when you hesitantly turn to give him space, he’ll call out your name, holding his arm out for you to take — asking if you’d want to join him on a walk before returning to the ongoing banquet.

The banquet would be incomplete without DOTTORE causing a commotion. Whether it's arousing a heated argument between others or spiking the drinks with god-knows-what, he's up to something and you're forced to keep an eye on him unless you want to be his next ‘experiment’ at the event. There is no way you'll talk him out of it either. But if you decide to cover for him, keeping still as he throws a strange liquid into the drink closest to him, he might let you in on his unconventional ideas of fun, if you can handle it, of course.

While most of the Harbingers try to stir up trouble, SCARAMOUCHE thrives on creating pure chaos and watching the place burn down. He constantly gets into arguments, finding the whole ordeal unpleasant, and yet you see him present during every event you’re invited to. And while the Doctor schemes and gets away with the many pranks he pulls, the Balladeer finds amusement in the anger of others, uncaring of the consequences and keeping things unpredictable as people yell at him for the ninth time that night. Ask why he's never attacked you and he'll tell you that your reactions aren't worth it. But is that truly all? Perhaps the fleeting glances are a sign of something more.

COLUMBINA will go unbothered by the chaos around her. Even as food flies around the room, she remains unfazed. Her serene and enchanting presence seems to be an anomaly amongst the others, but don't be fooled, she has you right where she wants. During the banquet, she'll capture your attention and successfully steal you away from any other conversations. She'll find ways to hold your hand and somewhat sneakily steal food from your plate. You're not sure when the night ended either, time seems to flow weirdly when you're around her.

PIERRO sits at the head of the table, chatting with the more quiet people that sit next to him as he calmly observes the others in the room. The demands of being the director of the Harbingers have left him feeling drained, making him too exhausted to actively participate in the lively atmosphere during events. Instead, he seeks solace in the quiet moments. If you're able to slow things down with him, you'll find yourself a permanent seat beside him. And as you’re able to get to know him better, he starts engaging in more conversations with you. For once, it appears that he might genuinely be enjoying himself.

©intothegenshinworld. Do not copy, repost, translate, or take heavy inspiration from my content. Thanks for reading.

#il dottore x reader #pantalone x reader #arlecchino x reader #scaramouche x reader #childe x reader #capitano x reader #signora x reader #columbina x reader #pierro x reader #sandrone x reader #pulcinella #he is not x reader because he is grandpa #genshin impact x reader #astronetwrk

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a-small-writer-in-a-big-world · 3 months

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Ello!!

So this is for Quiet. Where after a smooth mission is over, Price decides it’s a good idea for the 141 to go to a bar and wind down. They all carpool (could you imagine how cramped that would be lol) and arrive, taking seats at the front.

Now they are all wearing normal clothing, aside from ghost, wearing that hoodie/jacket with the skull balaclava. And soon enough the drinks start rolling in.

I can literally see Quiet practically barricaded/sandwiched in between Ghost and Soap. Because they’re big guys and she’s small. So while the rest of the 141 are having their fun, Quiet leaves to go to the bathroom and when she starts to make her way back, some idiot tries to flirt with her and “take her home” if you know my meaning. She’s not having it and declines shaking her head but the guy is persistent and not leaving her be.

And ghost notices…

You always send me the best prompt for this series @thedevillovesflowers ❤️ SO sorry this took me forever, this is a little short just because I was struggling but I hope you like it

Hoping to slowly get back into this series I have a couple ideas

Quiet Series

You were persistent. It was in your job to be especially when you were someone who had to wait hours in the same spot for your target before you could do anything. But right now your patience was wearing thin by the second.

It was meant to be just a nice night out at the pub. It had been a long time since you and the 141 had the chance to relax, so Price offered to take everyone to the pub for a couple drinks and food.

It had been nice. You always loved hanging out with the boys, even if they got on your nerves, and doing it off the clock was nice since you didn't have to worry about getting shot at. They included you too, of course they did, because while Price had put you on the team just almost a year ago, it felt like you had been there since the beginning.

You had been stuck in between Soap and Ghost, smushed against Ghost more since Soap was so animated and enjoyed the company.

You blamed the warm fuzzy feeling on the few drinks you had rather than being pressed against your lieutenant, not having the energy to unpack those feelings at the moment. Eventually you had to use the bathroom and though you regrettably had to move away from his warmth, you didn't miss the way his dark eyes followed you.

But now you were here, unable to get back to him because a rather unattractive man stood in your way.

He was trying to get you to come home with him but after you had shook your head no multiple times he just didn't get it.

"You don't have to be shy, tell me why not." He said but you shook your head again.

You would try to sign to him but you don't think he knows ASL or that he would even realize you were mute. You wanted to just walk past him but there was limited space and you didn't want to be touched by any part of him.

"C'mon, I like a mysterious lady and you can tell me all about your scars-"

Your patience was gone.

You huffed, rolling your eyes and tried to step past him but he grabbed your arm. You nearly slapped him before you felt a familiar presence.

"She said no, mate. Leave it." Ghost's voice was rougher than usual but just as serious as always, maybe even more so like he was scolding a recruit.

He glared at the man and pushed himself in between the two of you. He didn't need to do anything else as the man grumbled and scurried off, leaving the pub without further incident.

"Alright?" Ghost turned to you and you gave him a small smile.

"Yeah..." You signed, trying not to let the interaction ruin your night.

"Let's take a walk."

You gladly followed him out of the pub and once you were outside, you couldn't help but lean against him. You expected him to pull away but he instead he gently pulled you closer.

That warm fuzzy feeling came back when he wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you began your walk and it was hard to ignore it or place the blame on anything else.

At least out here you could lean on him without worrying what the others or anyone else would think.

"You should've told him off." Ghost grumbled. "Bastard would've ran if he knew how scary you are."

You snorted but shook your head.

"It's not like he would've understood anyway" You signed and you saw the annoyance in his eyes, not at you but at the man. "Don't let it bother you, he's unimportant."

"Should be saying that to you." He signed back and you smiled.

"It's okay. No sense in getting mad at what I can't control, right?"

You know he's smiling under his mask when you see the corner of his eyes crinkle. Your face heats up when he tightens his hold around your shoulders.

"Atta girl."

A/n: slowly getting back into this hopefully Ghost isn't ooc, he's a little different that roommate!simon here atm but he'll get there

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost riley x you #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #ghost x reader #ghost x you #cod ghost x reader #cod ghost #ghost mw2 #simon ghost riley #mw2 ghost #mute!reader

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fallenneziah · 7 months

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Quick Relief.

Summary: Heading out for dinner with the team after a long mission seemed like a good idea. Until Simon and you can't seem to get your hands off each other and try to get away with a quickie in the restaurant bathroom.

A/n: Hope you guys enjoy it. I'll probably be happier with it further down the line. @h34rtl3ssv3n1x requested some male!reader x Ghost spice. Didn't have any outline for this so I hope this is acceptable and you like it 😊

Cw: Male reader x Ghost, amab!Reader, uses he/him, handjobs, touching through clothes, teasing, bathroom sex, semi-public sex, a desperate quickie.

A mission gone well was always something to celebrate in your life of work. After a rough mission you'd ever had to go through with your team, Captain Price said he'd take you all out to dinner to celebrate the mission well done.

So, after having a couple hours to relax and calm down a bit, you had plans.

Slipping your shirt on in the mirror, tucking in your dog tags with a sigh. Rough hands cupping your waist, warm lips pressing a soft kiss to your neck.

"Mm, you thinkin' 'bout something, love," Simon whispered, looking at you in the mirror.

"Still pent up from the mission." You leaned back into him, his hands wrapping around your waist loosely. His chin leaning against the crook of your neck.

"Well, maybe some food will help. Price seems to think so."

"It might. Though I was hoping we could take care of that pent-up energy, Simon." Turning in his arms, you gave him a sly smile as you ran a hand over his cheek.

Simon huffed softly, kissing you. "Easy there. Let's get this night over with first." Simon turns your head, kissing your cheek. "Can't perform on an empty stomach."

He pulled away, grabbing his jacket, and tugging on his balaclava. You nodded in response, grabbing your sweater and following him into the hall. Meeting up with Price, Johnny, and Gaz.

The five of you walk down to the parking garage, taking the car out.

It was a nice restaurant, but not too fancy. It was a small place, with a bar and a stage with a singer.

Simon looked around, nudging you and looking at the stage, to which you playfully pushed him off. Price cleared his throat. "Easy, boys."

"This seems too fancy for us." Johnny looks around.

"Were you expecting McDonald's??" Gaz chuckles as Price gets your reservation figured out, and you are led to a table. A round table with enough bench seating you all could fit in. Simon and you on the outside, Price on the other, with Johnny and Gaz in the middle.

Once seated, you ordered drinks.

"So, you guys ready for the next mission?" Price asks, getting the attention of everyone at the table.

"You don't want to rest? It's been a long few days."

Price sighed. "I know, but I can't help thinking ahead, can I?"

Gaz shrugged, all of you simultaneously picking up your menus. You were looking through the meat options when Simon leaned over, husky breath in your ear. "Steak looks good."

"Steak always looks good to you." You joked back softly, knocking your foot against his. He hummed deeply, nudging back, leaning closer to you. Smelling the cologne that you'd put on in your hurry to leave.

You closed your menu and placed it down. Leaning against Simon, your knee brushing his. He didn't look down, but he didn't have to. You felt his hand rest on your thigh, rubbing the fabric softly.

Looking through the menu before deciding on food of your own. Getting a side dish because you were pretty hungry.

Johnny chuckles, the three still looking over their menus, Simon's hand squeezing your thigh teasingly, breathing in more of your cologne, leaning into you just enough it wasn't obvious.

Your foot brushed his, his legs spreading wider, kissing your temple and leaning back against the seat. Hand still rubbing along your thigh, feet pressed together.

"What about you?" Price asks, turning his head to look at Gaz, Johnny, and you.

"Spaghetti looks good," Gaz said. While Johnny looked up from the alcoholic drinks card to Price. "Just a stew."

Price nodded, and it seemed you were all ready to order. Waiting for the waitress to come back. Simon's hand drifted up your thigh a little, rubbing it gently. Pinky finger getting tantalizingly closer to your crotch, thumb smoothing over the fabric again.

"You really want that steak, huh." You mumbled, looking over at Simon. He nodded, his eyes meeting yours. You knew it wasn't the steak he wanted. But he wouldn't admit it here, in front of everyone.

As the waitress finally arrived to take your order, Simon's hand retreated back to his own lap. You couldn't help but feel a little disappointed but understood the need for discretion in public.

It didn't take long for your orders to be prepared, and the drinks were already brought to you.

While waiting, Simon's hand returned to your thigh, resting on it casually. You couldn't help but shift and press his hand into your thigh a little. It felt good. His hand was calloused from handling guns and knives for so long and well.

The feeling of a few cold rings on his knuckles. He never was a jewelry person, but he knew the combination of rough scars and the rings you bought him got you in the right mood. So, he wore them whenever his hands were bare.

"Here you are." Your food was set down in front of you, along with everyone else's food.

You took a break, feeding your stomachs. The warm buzz of your alcohol settling with the food made it worth it. Simon finished his food first, moving the plate away a little.

He leaned back into the seat, eyes trailing the table and onto you. Looking down at your lap from above. Only he could see you snuggled, practically melted into his side.

"What a sight, ey mate?" Gaz says, looking at the two of you, a smile on his face. "Look at you two."

You glanced at Gaz, a playful smile on your face, nudging him from across the table.

Simon rolled his eyes softly, picking up his whiskey, the glass touching his lips. Sweet burn running down his throat, his hand sliding from the seat up along your thigh again, squeezing it possessively. This time, he pulled you in closer by your leg.

His fingers trailed higher, feeling the curve of your ass, rubbing it gently. His hand slid up and down your backside, fingers digging into the fat of your ass and the dip of your hips. You shift your back, arching a little and settling to the palm of his hand against your spine, massaging up and down it gently, then coming back around and squeezing your hip.

The others were talking, but you couldn't hear them. All you could focus on was the heat radiating off Simon's body. His hands. The way his breath hitched when your thigh moved a little too close to his groin, the way he shifted.

Your leg brushed his again, and this time didn't move it.

"Am I going to need to get more drinks?" Johnny looks up at you, tilting his beer to take a sip.

Gaz swallows. "I'm not sure any of us are gonna make it."

Simon takes his hand away briefly. You adjust, trying to get more comfortable again. His hand runs along your neckline, slowly petting the nape of your neck.

The buzz of alcohol, the arousal of being touched by Simon in public. And the buzz from being touched by Simon was heavier than anything else.

You couldn't focus, and you weren't hearing the conversation, only the way Simon's thumb rubbed along your hip, his nails scratching against the fabric. You shifted, and his fingers dug into the meat of your hip, rubbing the spot, his eyes trailing down the length of you.

You looked down, your hand settling on his thigh. He hummed in response, feeling your hand press to the seam of his jeans and into the fabric of his crotch. His eyes burned with fire, feeling you touch him like that. While the others talked, you made the bold move to bring down his zipper.

He grunted, darting his eyes away across the room, feeling your hand dig into his jeans and boxers to the swollen, hardening flesh of his cock.

You wrapped your hand around him, and he was already dripping. You rubbed the wetness over his head, squeezing the base and stroking his cock.

His fingers dug into your hip, and his other hand gripped his whiskey, bringing it to his mouth. He sipped the drink, and his hips rocked into your hand.

The head of his cock red and the rest throbbing, hot. Simon's eyes trailed across the room before settling on Price. His gaze didn't linger long before looking away again, leaning into you.

His lips pressed to the shell of your ear through his mask, husky warm breath fanning you. "Gonna drive me insane, you fuckin' know that?" He grunts into your fist, dragging along the skin of his hard cock.

You look down at his head drooling between his thighs up into his heavy eyes. His thighs tense, hand moving back to your pants, digging down into your boxers.

You gasp softly, looking over at Gaz and Johnny, who are talking away, squeezing Simon's cock harder.

Simon's face flushed to his ears. Sliding his hands under the waist of your pants, feeling the curve of your ass.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard." He whispers lowly into your ear. "I'm gonna bend you over and fuck you." His warm breath in your ear made you shudder. "I'm gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be drenched in my cum."

You shudder, the alcohol in you, the pool of heat between your legs.

He nodded, almost looking at Gaz, looking away and then clenching his teeth, eyes closing, feeling your hand tighten around his cock and your thumb drag across the head.

He grinds into your hand, holding his breath and squeezing his teeth together, his knuckles white from where his hand held the whiskey.

His head spins lightly, and he places down his cup, grabbing your wrist. "Can't do this around them, love…" He whispers, nipping at your ear gently.

You shudder, letting go of his cock, wiping your hand, and he quickly does up his pants, trying to hide his cock bulging against his leg.

He clears his throat, standing up and sliding out of the seat.

Price eyed him as he pushed down his mask again, nodding toward the bathroom to indicate where he was headed. Price nodded, watching as you slid out a minute or two later. "Me as well."

You followed after Simon, slipping into the washrooms, a rough hand almost immediately on your shoulder, pushing you into the wall. You groan, Simon tilting your chin up, lips finding yours.

You inhale sharply, cupping his neck and pulling at the zipper of his sweater. Simon pulls away briefly, panting and opening his sweater, your hands sliding under his shirt, up his muscles to his pecs, squeezing them softly.

Simon kisses your jaw, tilting your head up, his hand keeping your jaw in his control. He marks hickeys on your warm skin, his body pressed into yours.

He bit into your neck, the sharp pain digging into your heat. You whimpered, gyrating your hips against his, Simon taking your hand and bringing it to his pants.

Simon growled, biting harder into you. He grabbed your jaw, rough thumb running across your cheek, dragging his fingers down the length of your nose and lips. "I can't help it." He whispers, kissing you again.

You whimper into his mouth, pressing your hips into his and pulling at his pants, Simon kissing down your jawline and throat. Dragging his teeth down your neck and sucking hard into you.

You groan out, arching your neck and pressing into him.

Simon pulls you along, arm wrapping around your waist, pushing you across the tile floor, catching your reflection under him as he pushes you into an empty stall, closing the door and fumbling to lock it, lips colliding with yours.

Your tongues glide in each other's mouths, inhaling the scent of whiskey, cigarettes, and nature. All a combination to get you hot and heavy in his strong arms.

He didn't care what it took, he couldn't wait until you got home to have his cock buried deep inside you. You kissed down his chin, making sure you had the room before getting down onto your knees in front of him.

He exhaled as you undid his belt buckle, and you pulled his pants down with his underwear, reaching for his cock.

Taking your hand and sliding it over the heat of his cock. Running your palm along the head, feeling the thickness and weight of his length. Dragging your fingers down the shaft of him, feeling him twitch in your hand.

"Yeah... Got me like this, fuckin' finish what you started. Be a good boy." He rasped in an aroused tone.

Simon's hand ran through your hair, his cock twitching, and he moaned, his head rolling back, biting into his lower lip, and he was already dripping.

He pressed into your hand, moving his hips back and forth, gliding his cock through your fingers.

You lean forward, licking the head of his cock, running your tongue along the slit, tasting the precum, and pulling away. "Mmmm." He hums, pushing your head forward gently.

You slurp along his head, grabbing his balls and kissing along his shaft.

He guides your head along the thickness of his cock. Looking into your eyes, lips stretched over his cock. "Good boy…" He groans, eyelids fluttering, hips working into you.

You squeeze and stroke his cock harder, fondling his balls with your other hand. His head fell back, and he groaned.

The main door to the washrooms opened, and Simon pressed his finger to his lips. You nodded, groaning around his length, trying to remain quiet. Your eyes widened, Simon guiding you further down his length. You groaned and choked, saliva building in the back of your throat, tears starting to water in your eyes.

You could hear the other person, your throat slowly relaxing, pressing against Simon flush to his skin. You closed your eyes, gripping his thighs for stability. Your pants strained painfully with the heat, waiting for the tense moment.

Your cheeks are red, throat bulging, trying to resist choking and crying. Spitting up saliva over his cock, swallowing around his length. And you see his mouth falling open briefly. You hear the sink go off, and then the door swings shut again.

Simon pulled you up off his cock, saliva choking up violently in your throat. His cock dripped with saliva, still connected to your puffy lips. Dripping down onto the tile floor of the bathroom stall.

"Fuckin' hell you take it so good..." He patted his cock against your cheek, wiping saliva and salty pre-cum over your face.

You gasped for air as Simon pulled you up. "Look at you… so good for me." He exhales sharply, hands rubbing up under your shirt. "Be a good lad, and bend over for me." He lulled, turning you around, watching as you obediently bent over, hands pressing against the cold wall. He ran his hands over your ass, squeezing the pockets of your jeans and lightly spanking you. His cock jumps as he sees your back instinctively arch for him.

He reached forward, pulling you back against his cock, rubbing his shaft over your ass as he pulled open your belt and pulled down your jeans over your ass, boxers following.

Your soft flesh is exposed, his hand coming in contact and watching the skin react.

He exhaled shakily, pressing the head of his cock between your cheeks, slowly grinding his length on the contact, groaning. You shuddered, palming your cock as Simon rubs your hole, sliding a finger inside, making you gasp. "Shit-" You dig your palm harder into the wall, stroking your length as he fucked his finger in and out of your tight ass.

He curled his fingers, dragging in deeper until you whined and pulled back.

He pulled you closer, your hole dripping with slick as he pulled back and ran his cock in, your hole resisting to open for him. He pushed in slow, feeling you clench and tense around his cock. He pulled you back harder, letting his length glide in freely. Your hole gave way for him as he pushed in further.

"Fuck..." He groaned at the tightness. "Fuck yes..."

Leaning over you, kissing along your back, biting into the flesh of your shoulder as he pushed his cock in the rest of the way. His hand sliding down to grip your cock, pumping in time with his thrusts.

His breathing picked up, watching you as he started to slam his hips into yours, watching your ass and body bounce gently.

Nails digging into the wall as he fucked you hard from behind.

He spanked you harder, pulling you away from the wall, hand around your cock, sliding down your length, almost to the tip, and back up again.

"Oh, God…" You whimpered, your hand grabbing a fist of his mask and pulling the fabric.

"Look at you." He whispered, voice dripping with arousal as he fucked you.

"You're so desperate for me."

Your eyelids fluttered, gasping and moaning. Your head falls, staring at the floor as his cock drags inside you. The sound of his flesh making contact with yours fills the bathroom. You moan. Your lips parted as your noises flowed freely.

"My good boy." He moaned, slapping your ass and leaving red marks over your skin.

Your breaths hitching, your vision blurring. He pulled you tighter against him, your back pressed to his torso. His cock sank deeper into you. A groan ripped from his throat and into your shoulder, shaking your body.

He gripped your cock, jerking you off in time with his thrusts, your body jerking forward into it.

You groaned, fingers clenching tighter into his mask. Your cock twitching in his hand. "Harder." You choked out.

Simon grabbed you harder, wrapping an arm around your stomach and digging his nails into your skin. "Fuck me, fuck me." You groaned, pressing your face into the wall.

Bit by bit, his hips rocked into yours, feeling as his cock dragged deep inside you.

Simon wrapped his hand around your mouth. Your eyes rolled back in pleasure as his cock stilled deep inside you. Pressed against your prostate, stretching you in the stillness. He pulled back again, hips driving into you.

"I'm going to fill you up good. You're going to get stretched out, so when you get home, I'll take you apart." He cooed, looking down as your cock jumped in his rough hand. His thumb pressed against your head, watching pre-cum dribble down, his warm lips pressed to the shell of your ear.

"Oh, God." You moan, teeth biting into your bottom lip.

"That's right, give in." He whispered in your ear, fucking you harder.

He jerks you off faster, your cock dripping.

"I'm going to cum." You groaned, your arms shaking, and you could barely stand anymore.

You whined loudly, your cock twitching in his hand. He jerked you off faster, groaning and shifting his hips, bullying deep against your prostate. You roll your eyes back, your mouth falling open, arching as your cock jumps and cum leaks from your cock.

You threw your head back, groaning as loud as you could. Your voice echoes off the tile walls.

Simon groaned, halting his cock inside you.

He grinds into you, holding his breath as the pressure builds and then floods through from his pelvis.

His cock twitches inside your tight hole, and he grunts into your ear, a rush of hot and sticky cum spills inside you, his cock flexing.

He relaxes inside you, kissing your jaw. "Fuck… baby." He slowly bends you over, pulling his cock out from your entrance, His cock twitching, the head still red and throbbing.

He spreads your cheeks, rubbing your hole and watching his cum slowly drip out.

He quickly helps clean you up and gets your pants back on, doing the same with himself.

You turn around, kissing him deeply, shuddering against his body.

"I'm gonna fuck you properly at home." He whispers, unlocking the stall door, and both of you stumble out. His arm wraps around your waist as you leave the bathroom. Price looks up at you both from his seat as you come closer. "Got it out of your system, lads?"

Simon nods, fixing his sweater. "Yes, sir."

"Good, then let's get back home. I need some rest." Johnny and Gaz agreed, clearing the bill, and you all got back in the car, your stomach twisting with arousal again, knowing this wasn't over.

#simon ghost riley #cod smut #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #cod mw2 #simon ghost riley x reader smut #simon ghost riley x male reader #simon riley x male reader #male reader smut #male reader #ghost x male reader #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #call of duty ghost #ghost call of duty #call of duty x reader #call of duty smut

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thebibliosphere · 1 year

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Something I've been recommending a lot to my fellow MCAS + POTS-sufferers at the moment, has been investing in a soup blender.

Apart from beta blockers, the primary treatment for POTS is increasing salt and water. A really good way of combining both and upping your nutritional value is by drinking things like bone broth or veggie stock.

But if you're like me with a ton of allergies (so you can't buy anything premade🙃) and bone broth raises your histamine, then you're left with the energy sapping task of making your own.

And I don't know about any of you, but when my nervous system is throwing a wobbler, the last thing I am capable of doing is standing up for long periods at a time over a hot stove.

Some people get around this by using a slow cooker, which is great if you can. I personally can't because slow cooking raises the histamine content of food (especially meat) and also, the clue is in the name, it's a slow cooker and sometimes my POTSie, ADHD butt needs food now-ish or as soon as possible and not 8 hours later. Instapots can be good, but they take up a lot of counter space and also I don't know if you've ever tried to release a pressure cooker valve when you can barely stand, but I genuinely think that's the closest I've come to dying and I've experienced both megaloblastic and hemalytic anemia.

Which is why we got a soup blender. They take up less space, are generally easier to clean, and also easier for me, at least, to use. All you need to do is roughly chop your ingredients up, dump them in the jug, add seasoning, fill the jug with water, hit the soup function and then sit your ass down for the next 20 minutes while this magical fucking thing both cooks and blends you some liquidy goodness.

I will say, don't invest in the instapot one. It's not worth the price point, and the motor burned out on mine after about six months. It was also a pain in the ass to clean. (The self clean was more of a "swish water around for 30 seconds" function and I can't tell you how many times I hurt myself trying to get gunk off the bottom.)

The one I currently have is a Ninja HB152 Foodi Heat-iQ Blender, which was a little more expensive, but in my opinion, far superior and better made. It's faster, makes either chunky or smooth soup, really good consistency dips, ice cream and smoothies. I've also used it to make alternative milks like oat milk and it didn't jam the blades.

It also has a great cleaning system that actually takes a full 6 minutes to run and really gets any residue off the base, and it also alerts you to things like the jug or lid not being secure, which is great when I'm brain-fogged and try to blend things without the lid on.

Anyway, this post brought to you not by Ninja but by @mothman-etd making me some leek and potato soup laden with enough salt to make this POTS episode manageable.

Just throwing the info out there. Hope it helps someone.

#chronic health tag #POTS #spoonie hacks #not sponsored #gif warning

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konigsblog · 8 months

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what i think the 141 + vaqueros, könig eat for breakfast

price 🥃: a cigar. sits outside on the small balcony outside his flat, taking drags from his lit cigar before having another. maybe, he'll make some bacon, usually something salty and bitter.

soap 🧼: scrambled eggs on toast. i don't know why, but he probably does. catch him burning the toast and getting pissed off, angrily eating it. he'll have some orange juice or a lucozade with it. definitely drinks a lot of energy and carbonated drinks.

ghost 💀: everyone knows it, he has a cigarette and some tea. sugary tea. true believer he drinks tea with 2-3tsp of sugar and some milk, it's only one cup — till it's not and he's drinking his third today... opens his window and stands by it while watching people walk in the streets. definitely lives in a flat/apartment, finds it comforting knowing there's people around, and appreciates the sounds of cars driving past.

gaz 🧢: either eats something healthy, or something super unhealthy. like, açai bowl or nutella on a toast. definitely likes bananas, mangos and strawberries. or maybe he'll have a smoothie or something, otherwise he's eating peanut butter and chocolate on a sandwich...

alejandro: savoury breakfast bowl and dark coffee. probably doesn't enjoy sweet stuff very often, but loves stuff salty and bitter, especially black coffee. he won't admit that it tastes bad, drinks multiple cups a day and feels energised. doesn't understand the people thet eat chocolate cereal.

rudy: greek yogurt, i'm not sure why, but maybe something with strawberries in it — something alejandro would gag at. also enjoys dark coffee and will gladly drink it, just not as religiously as ale. rodolfo adores yogurt and fruit.

könig: something salty and a home dish. i done some research, and couldn't find a lot but i saw tiroler gröstl on a list and i think it might be something he'd enjoy. i can definitely see könig enjoying salty/savoury food more than sweet, although he does enjoy it a lot. he likes potato, bacon, onion and eggs and would eat it every now and then he can while on leave... probably enjoys eating leftovers from dinner or a takeaway.

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panther-os · 3 months

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@amikoroyaiart did this awesome commission of my OC Lennie and my version of Ghost! I've wanted to commission her since I first came across her art over a year ago but it took me a while to save and just ahhhhhhh so worth it

Fun fact! The pants are uniform accurate. 141 is an international task force, and while Ghost and many of the rest of the team are SAS and wear black or navy fatigues, Lennie is an tArm (Irish Army) and wears that specific camo pattern! Their neon pink hair is definitely out of regulation, but no one dares call them on it.

Lennie is nonbinary and their full name and rank is Lieutenant Lennie Lynch. They're from Carrick-on-Shannon in Leitrim County of Ireland, and they're the 141's Chief Logistics & Supply Officer. Anything from toilet paper to ammo to fresh fruit to video games, it all goes through them. They have a ton of smuggler contacts in order to get supplies out to remote areas, and they use this network for information as well.

Basically Laswell's job, but more focused on keeping people alive via food and bandages and etc than keeping people alive via intel on the enemy.

Price met Lennie at the same time he met Nikolai. It was a joint an tArm and SAS operation where the two squads wound up trapped in a snowstorm with dwindling supplies, including much-needed medical supplies. Lennie asked for an hour with the sat phone, spent that time making threats and promises and calling in favors, and then Nikolai (the only pilot good enough and crazy enough) dropped off the supplies not too much later, which is how he and Price met. Then, a few years later, Price pulled Lennie for the Taskforce knowing their skills would be needed.

Lennie drinks far too many cups of coffee a day, barely sleeps, and spends the majority of their time in their dark office staring at computer screens. Their first date with Ghost was a joint nap on their office couch. Their best frenemy is @atohii 's OC Niko, the Chief Medical Officer, friend because they've made him weep tears of gratitude over the supplies he needs to keep everyone healthy, enemy because they've cut him off from energy drinks (the hypocrite) and gotten the entire rest of the base involved in it.

It's best assumed that Lennie knows everything and could be anywhere. They walk very quietly and often surprise people by slurping their coffee from right behind them. If they were an animal, they'd be a wild hare - the kind that surely speaks a thousand tongues and knows exactly how you die.

Ghost is still with Soap, and Soap is also with Niko, and sometimes Ghost and Niko are together as well, but romantically, Lennie's just with Ghost. We love a poly141.

This Ghost is based on TikTok cosplayer Kuromi (his account is tagged MDNI, please respect that) and Irish actor Fra Fee (because Les Mis is an old SpIn and my Ghost is Irish, his ggparents immigrated to Manchester during the Great Hunger). I don't have any specific scar or tattoo headcanons for Ghost, but I like Amiko's usual spread so I asked her to just use those, and I'm thrilled with how it came out!

And just ahhhhhhh I'm still screaming over Lennie 😍

#/incoherent noises/#call of duty #amikoroyaiart #cod oc #my oc #oc #simon ghost riley #lt lennie lynch

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anarchywoofwoof · 1 month

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Full Article Text:

The United Kingdom is facing dire food shortages, forcing prices to skyrocket, and experts predict this is only the beginning.

What's happening?

According to a report by The Guardian, extreme weather is wreaking havoc on crops across the region. England experienced more rainfall during the past 18 months than it has over any 18-month period since record-keeping began in 1836.

Because the rain hasn't stopped, many farmers have been unable to get crops such as potatoes, carrots, and wheat into the ground. "Usually, you get rain but there will be pockets of dry weather for two or three weeks at a time to do the planting. That simply hasn't happened," farmer Tom Allen-Stevens told The Guardian.

Farmers have also planted fewer potatoes, opting for less weather-dependent and financially secure crops. At the same time, many of the potatoes that have been planted are rotting in the ground.

"There is a concern that we won't ever have the volumes [of potatoes] we had in the past in the future," British Growers Association CEO Jack Ward told The Guardian. "We are not in a good position and it is 100% not sustainable," Ward added.

Why is it important?

English farmers aren't alone — people are struggling to grow crops worldwide because of extreme weather.

Dry weather in Brazil and heavy rain in Vietnam have farmers concerned about pepper production. Severe drought in Spain and record-breaking rain and snowfall in California have made it difficult for farmers to cultivate olives for olive oil. El Niño and rising temperatures cut Peru's blueberry yield in half last year. Everyone's favorite drinks — coffee, beer, and wine — have all been impacted by extreme weather.

According to an ABC News report, the strain on the agriculture industry will likely continue to cause food prices to soar.

If these were just isolated events, farmers could more easily adapt — bad growing seasons are nothing new. The problem is that rising temperatures are directly linked to the increasing amount of gases such as carbon dioxide and methane in the atmosphere.

Since the start of the Industrial Revolution, humans have burned dirty energy sources such as coal, oil, and gas, which release a significant amount of those gases. Our climate is changing so drastically that the 10 warmest years since 1850 have all occurred in the last decade.

"As climate change worsens, the threat to our food supply chains — both at home and overseas — will grow," Energy and Climate Intelligence Unit analyst Amber Sawyer told The Guardian.

What can we do about it?

"Fortunately, we know many ways we can make the food system more resilient while reducing food emissions. The biggest opportunity in high-income nations is a reduction in meat consumption and exploration of more plants in our diets," said Dr. Paul Behrens, an associate professor of environmental change at Leiden University in the Netherlands.

If we replace a quarter of our meat consumption with vegetables, we could cut around 100 million tons of air pollution yearly. It may seem strange to suggest eating more vegetables with the decline in crop production. However, reducing the land and water used for animal agriculture and diverting those resources to growing more produce would drastically help the declining food supply.

Growing our own food is also a great way to reduce our reliance on store-bought produce, and it can save you hundreds of dollars a year at the grocery store.

#climate change #climate crisis #news #world news #united kingdom #collapse #agriculture

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makeitmingi · 5 months

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The Cat and Dog Game [Chapter 2]

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Comedy

Pairing: Yunho x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Chef!Reader, RestaurantOwner!Yunho, MaitreD!Hongjoong, Waiter!Yeosang, Waiter!San, Waiter!Mingi, SousChef!Seonghwa, SousChef!Wooyoung, PrepChef!Jongho

Summary: Yunho's dream was to open and run his own restaurant. But he doesn't know anything when it comes to cooking. Until you came along and accepted the job, bringing with you a small crew. How will the black cat tame the energetic golden retriever?

Word count: 3.3K

"Nice to be acquainted with you. My name is Yunho... No, no. It's nice to meet you. Call me Yunho!... That's so awkward... Thank you for making the time. My name is Mr Jeong Yunho." Yunho planted a fake grin. He let out a groan as he processed his own words, falling onto his steering wheel.

*TAP TAP*

"Yunho... Are you okay?" Hongjoong stood outside, a questioning look on his face. Yunho sat up, blinking as he stared at the oldest of the group.

"Hey, hyung. I'm fine." Yunho said, getting out of the car. He grabbed his bag and coffee mug before locking the vehicle.

"Wow. You've... dressed up." Hongjoong scanned the outfit that Yunho had put on.

"I have to look like the owner of a restaurant right? I picked a colour that exudes confidence! Is it too much?" Yunho's eyes widened in fear as he paused in his tracks.

"You're fine, Yunho. Chill. You look nice. Don't worry." Hongjoong patted the taller on the shoulder. Yunho unlocked the door to the place.

"Thanks for being here, hyung." Yunho smiled gratefully, putting his bag behind the counter and placing his coffee mug on one of the booth seats. Hongjoong nodded with a hum. Mingi would kill him if he had left Yunho alone.

"Are you nervous?" Hongjoong asked.

"Not nervous about meeting new people. More nervous about it not working out. What are we going to do if things don't work out? I'll be without a kitchen crew!" Yunho panicked.

"Okay, breathe. Yunho, everything will be fine. I'm sure things will work out. If they don't, we'll find a way." Hongjoong assured.

"You're right. Be positive!" Yunho fist pumped and smiled. Hongjoong gave an encouraging nod.

"So what should I do until they come? Clean the kitchen? Prepare some drinks? Order food?" Yunho asked, rubbing his palms against the side of his dress pants.

"There's no need to do or prepare anything. The kitchen is practically empty with barely any equipment and no one has been there so there's no need to clean now. They probably have their own food and drinks, they're a group of chefs. Just collect yourself, take a deep breath. You're just having a talk." Hongjoong chuckled.

"I'm gonna make a pitcher of some drink before they come. That's the only thing I know I won't mess up." Yunho said.

"Okay but they're not coming yet so occupy your mind with something else." Hongjoong waved him off. In the end, Yunho went to unpack some other stuff.

"Thanks for helping me get such nice plates at a good price, hyung." Yunho looked at the packaged plates fondly.

"No worries. I guess it's good that I did a lot of co-curricular activities, huh?" Hongjoong laughed.

"You're a lot better at this than me..." Yunho spoke, slightly sullen, leaning his hands on on the edges of the cardboard box. Hongjoong turned around, looking at his friend.

"What? That's not true..."

"Isn't it? You have the connections to find a kitchen crew. The only person I was able to find ghosted me. You were the one that knew where to get all these cool plates and stuff for the restaurant. I didn't even know where to get white coffee cups!" Yunho said.

"Yunho. This is your first time doing this. No one is expecting you to know everything or be an expert restaurateur. It is a learning process for all of us." Hongjoong comforted.

"Sure, I knew where to get pretty plates. But you managed all the contracting the design yourself." He continued.

"Still..." Yunho's lips curled in doubt.

"Really, no one else has as much energy as you to do so much on your own. It's the golden retriever energy only you have." He laughed. Yunho pouted at his teasing.

"Thanks, hyung." Yunho said. When the time drew closer to the meeting, Yunho prepared a pitcher of a mixed drink.

"I don't have much ingredients..." Yunho rubbed the back of his neck.

"What are you going to put in it then?" Hongjoong peered over the counter curiously. Yunho sighed, turning to the small bar fridge and what he had on the shelf. Luckily he had stocked some items already so it wasn't entirely empty.

"Black currant syrup, club soda, lime and mint. That's a drink I can make with what I have." He said, putting everything on the counter. He poured each component into the pitcher.

"Does it taste okay?" He poured a bit for Hongjoong to try.

"That's actually good." Hongjoong nodded in approval. Yunho let out a sigh of relief and went to get some clean glasses.

*DING*

Yunho's head shot up like a meerkat on alert when he heard the bell by the door jingle. He felt his heart racing but he willed himself to not parkour over the counter.

"Seonghwa." Hongjoong made the first move, giving Yunho about 5 seconds to recover.

"Yunho, come here." Hongjoong hissed but maintained a friendly smile. Yunho realised that he must have zoned out when they exchanged pleasantries and it was now his turn. He cleared his throat and went over to your group. You eyed him cautiously as he smiled brightly, almost too bright in your opinion.

"Hi! I'm Jung Yunho!" He said, wincing inwardly when he realised that he probably sounded too animated. His eyes fell on you, the only girl amongst the group.

"I'm (y/n). Nice to meet you." You weren't emotionless, more stoic. There was a cool aloofness about you.

"Likewise. Thank you for meeting us on such short notice." Yunho shook your hand.

"Weren't we the ones who requested the meeting?" You asked with a slightly raised eyebrow. The male beside you stifled a laugh while Seonghwa cleared his throat, nudging the male.

"Wooyoung, one of the sous." The laughing male introduced with a fake smile but made no effort to shake Yunho's hand.

"Jongho. Prep chef." The last male introduced.

"So that makes (y/n) here, our head chef. She doesn't like titles so she never introduces herself with them." Seonghwa placed his hands on your shoulders, moving you to the front of the group. You turned to shoot him a dirty look.

"P-Please! Let's sit down! Help yourself to some refreshments." Yunho gestured, realising you were all still standing around. You sat together at one of the tables.

Yunho and Hongjoong on one side while Seonghwa, you, Wooyoung and Jongho sat opposite them.

"Did you make this?" Jongho asked, taking a sip of the drink.

"Yes, it's all I had in stock so far! So it may not be the best." You watched as Yunho's shoulders deflated slightly, almost reminding you of a sad puppy.

"It's good. Like the muddling of mint and lime." Wooyoung said. He handed you a glass to take a sip.

"So, I saw from Seonghwa's LinkedIn that you guys participate in a lot of pop ups and professional kitchens?" Hongjoong asked.

"Oh, that's way outdated. Here. This is the full list of the places we have worked as a team." Seonghwa took some papers out and slid them over to Yunho and Hongjoong. They flipped through it together. The subsequent look of awe that Yunho gave all of you made the corners of your lips curl up slightly.

"I guess we want to know more about your restaurant here. Seonghwa shared some things but it would be good if you could reiterate. What's expected of us?" You spoke.

"Well, this place will be a cafe in the morning. Then at night, I would like to have it as a restaurant." Yunho cleared his throat.

"What cuisine?" Jongho followed up.

"There's no set cuisine. I want customers to be able to experience all types of dishes, whatever is in the market. Like an omakase? But of course, we don't need michelin dishes." He explained shyly.

"I see. That sounds interesting, I can get behind an omakase concept. Well, Mr Jung-"

"Please call me Yunho." He blurted.

"Right, Yunho... The main concern right now is that, we know the... situation that you are currently in, in that there will only be 4 of us in the kitchen. My team and I are concern over the workload. Cafe stuff in the morning then dinner at night." You informed.

"I completely understand. What do you propose is the best solution?" Yunho asked. Hongjoong turned to look at Yunho, why was he asking you this when he was the owner?

"You're asking me? Can you share how many cakes and pastries you are planning to have? Or dinner dishes?"

"Well, a variety would be good. 3 baked items and 3 cakes? I have not thought about quantities of dinner dishes." Yunho confessed.

Hongjoong wanted a facepalm, Yunho was being way too honest now. But he couldn't outwardly react and make Yunho doubt himself. All he could do was sit there and watch this unfold.

"What about barista duties?" Wooyoung asked.

"My friends and I will take turns. They'll be the wait staff at night." Hongjoong said.

"They've also volunteered to help in the kitchen if and when necessary!" Yunho added, nodding with a grin.

"I think I understand a bit more." You said, eyes shifting to Seonghwa. Seonghwa met your gaze, giving a subtle nod.

"Can we see the kitchen?" Seonghwa requested. Yunho nodded, almost too excitedly. He stood up and jogged over to where the kitchen is, turning the lights on for the 4 of you to walk around. The kitchen was big, the counters, fume hood, ovens and fridges were definitely new.

"There's no much here right now except for the basics but if you all decide to work here, I'll put in an order for more equipment that you will need." Yunho said.

"It's a big space. And the walk in is decent." Wooyoung told you. You nodded your head.

"Is it okay if I confer with my team in here for a while?" You turned to Yunho, who blinked in surprise.

"Y-Yes! Of course! Take all the time you need." Yunho smiled and left with Hongjoong. Just as you were going to speak, the door opened slightly and Yunho left the pitcher of drink in there for you.

"He's a weird one." Wooyoung noted.

"Coming from you?" Jongho raised an eyebrow, making Wooyoung roll his eyes. You leaned against the counter.

"He's definitely... chipper. An interesting character. But does he not remind you of an overgrown puppy though?" You chuckled. The 3 boys looked at you, you have never had such a laugh or 'positive' reaction when meeting someone for the first time.

"I mean, sure?" Even Seonghwa, who has known you the longest, didn't know how to react. He thought you would be annoyed by Yunho's... clumsiness?

"That aside, thoughts on this?" You asked them. You were never one to be the first to share, more a listener than speaker.

"The idea of omakase is definitely fun. We always appreciate having creative liberty." Jongho said.

"And the owner seems... nice enough. I don't know if he just doesn't know, is desperate or kind. Letting us choose what equipment we need right from the get go?" Wooyoung scoffed.

"Maybe a little bit of all 3, Woo." You shrugged.

"I'm still thinking about the workload." Seonghwa said, refilling his glass with more of the drink Yunho made and taking a sip.

"The only work around I see from it... It's going to change our sleeping schedules for sure." You voiced out, making all of them look at you. You didn't have a sleeping schedule to begin with, which was why Seonghwa was always worried and he had to make sure that you even got some sleep at night.

"Before Hwa goes off on me not even having a sleep schedule to begin with, you know I mean more for you guys than myself." You held a hand up.

"You don't sleep so of course you don't have a sleeping schedule." Seonghwa scoffed.

"I do sleep, Hwa. I'm not a vampire." You glared.

"Anyway, do share what you had in mind." Wooyoung encouraged.

"We come in before dinner to start the prep. Get through dinner service then before we leave, prep batter and dough for the pastries. Those always need resting and refridgeration anyway." You started.

"Then we come back in the morning before opening and bake off the pastries. Once those are done, we do the 3 cakes, it shouldn't take us long. After that, we'll leave to rest for the day before coming back to prep for dinner." You finished.

"Hang on, before we say anything about what (y/n) just suggested, I just realised, we haven't asked about opening hours and day offs." Jongho raised his hand.

"That's true. Let's have some suggestions for the owner regarding that before we enquire." You crossed your arms.

"What sort of suggestions?"

"Any." You shrugged.

"I would suggest, Thursdays close to prepare for the weekend rush and Mondays close to rest from the weekend rush. If he doesn't want two days of closure, Sunday half day. We'll do brunch."

"That's not a bad idea." You thought about it before nodding.

"We passed a church on the way so Sunday is good to have brunch. And since Monday is work and school day, not many people will be out looking for dinner spots. If not, do a half day Monday. People are tired from Monday blues, they won't go out for dinner after work. But they will stop by for coffee and a muffin before work." He said.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard Wooyoung hyung speak with so much sense before." Jongho snorted, making Wooyoung slap his shoulder. But when Jongho squared up, he ducked.

"Seonghwa hyung! Help!" Wooyoung hid behind the oldest.

"This is why no one can take us seriously." You rubbed your temples, shaking your head.

"Ah, don't say that! If you didn't love us, you would have kicked us out AGES ago." Wooyoung grinned, hugging your arm. You rolled your eyes with a sigh.

"Well, that aside, what do you guys think? About working here." You asked as Wooyoung continued to cling to you.

"Not as shady as I thought it would be." He said.

"I don't mind it... I guess. It's hard to know what to expect when even the owner doesn't seem to know what to expect." Jongho spoke. Seonghwa nodded slowly, agreeing with what Jongho said.

"What about you, (y/n)?" Seonghwa asked back, knowing you would ask him first.

"I say we give it a shot. This is definitely not like our usual professional kitchens, we'll probably be sourcing suppliers and produce vendors on our own but it's a challenge. It'll be like our own start up kitchen." You said honestly.

"Then we'll try it. I think we should propose a trial period for both the owner and us then we confer again." Seonghwa suggested. The rest of you nodded.

"Yeah, I think the owner is already scared of my precious girl here." Wooyoung pinched your cheek.

"I barely said anything."

"Exactly." Seonghwa laughed. After that, you exited the kitchen. You saw Yunho wiping the counter relentlessly, as if there was a stain that wouldn't go off. You tilted your head, letting out a small laugh.

"Psst." Hongjoong smacked Yunho's head when he saw you walking out. Yunho straightened up and tossed the cloth aside.

"Please." Yunho nervously gestured for you all to resume your seats from earlier.

"A few things were discussed during our talk. We would like to ask about off days here? What will be the opening and closing hours of the place." Jongho asked.

"Not that I have not thought about it but I was actually wanting to discuss that with all of you. To find out what timing works best for your crew since it is going to be long shifts. But regular hours will be 8am to 2pm then we break and come back at any time to prepare for dinner. First dinner service is 6pm?" Yunho spoke.

"That's fair. Wooyoung?" You turned to the male on your right.

"I proposed Thursdays off to prepare for the weekend. Then either a half day on Sunday or Monday." Wooyoung leaned forward.

"Reason?" Hongjoong asked.

"Sunday, we were thinking of doing a brunch menu. With the next day being a working day, hardly anyone will be out for dinner on Sunday." Wooyoung reasoned.

"And after a gruelling Monday, no one will want to stay out for dinner. It'll be a break from the weekend rush as well." He continued.

"I agree to closing on Thursdays. As for Sunday or Monday... I think a brunch menu on Sunday is a good idea. Between the two, the reasons both make sense. But I'm leaning towards a half day on Monday." Yunho said.

"So the schedule we are thinking of working with is; dinner service. Then we prepare pastry batter and/or dough for the night. Come in early, bake those off and the cakes." You informed.

"We should be done by the morning and we'll leave to rest before returning for dinner service prep." Seonghwa finished.

"That sounds good." Yunho turned to Hongjoong for confirmation. The smaller nodded.

"If you could draw up a contract for a temporary period of work, for both your side and our team to test the waters, it would be greatly appreciated." You spoke.

"Y-Yes! I mean, sure." Yunho smiled, coughing as he realised how overly enthusiastic he sounded.

"We look forward to working with you." The 4 of you stood up, shaking hands with Hongjoong and Yunho.

"Us too. Thank you." Hongjoong and Yunho bowed gratefully. Seonghwa eyed you and the way you were subtly studying Yunho, you were curious about the tall, overgrown puppy.

"So we'll see you in 2 days? I'll have the contract drawn up by tomorrow." Yunho's eyes sparkled, unable to hide his excitement. You nodded and grabbed your things. After exchanging numbers, Seonghwa's hand came to rest on your lower back as he guided all of you out of the restaurant.

As you walked out, you caught a glimpse of Yunho. He was laughing animatedly, jumping up and down with his arms around Hongjoong while Hongjoong seemed uncomfortable with the hug, trying to push Yunho away.

"Thank you, hyung!" He yelled, fist pumping. You couldn't help but snort out a small laugh.

"Well, boys. Looks like we've got our work cut out for us." You said.

"Shall we go to (y/n)'s for drinks?" Jongho asked. You nodded with a shrug, the boys were always over at your place to eat and drink. They'd rather get drunk at your house than in public.

"I don't think I've ever seen you so amused by an individual you've just met. Are you actually charmed by him?" Seonghwa asked you.

"No, I'm not." You denied.

"Liar." Seonghwa coughed. You shot him a look while he looked away innocently. You rolled your eyes, walking with him at the back as Wooyoung and Jongho walked in front of you, the both of them engrossed in their own conversation.

"He's just... different. I mean, Woo is energetic but he's a whole new level. He's so... positive." You shrugged.

"Well, my darling, not everyone is as broody and scary as you are. Some people actually enjoy their life." Seonghwa laughed, lacing fingers with you.

"I do enjoy my life. And I'm not broody." You frowned.

"Sure..."

"Hey, you're equally as scary as me. You made the kids at the playground cry when we were little. You're lucky I even wanted to be your friend." You scoffed, swinging your interlocked hands.

"I only made them cry because they were bullying you. They didn't let you have a turn on the swing." He defended.

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thesarcasticreader · 1 year

Text

PAC 18+: WHO IS HAVING WHAT FANTASIES ABOUT YOU?

IF YOU ARE MINOR, OFF YOU GO FROM THIS POST. ENJOY A TEA PARTY, NOT AN 18+ READING!

These are general readings meant for entertainment purposes. You can partake in advice, but do not let it cloud your decision-making.

I do take paid readings. You can contact me for them. Make sure you have either Paypal or Gpay! DM for the price list!

(IMAGES ARE TAKEN FROM PINTEREST)

Pile 1:

This person will love hugging. It's not a kink but they love it very much. For very few, they could be into the whole spanking thing. They are on the dominant side. They fancy you misbehaving and them schooling you, so there's that.

They love seeing you in flowy, risqué dresses. Something about wearing basically that netted lingerie is coming through. They would want you to embrace your body as it is and prefer it when you do not hide your body from them. They will want you naked all the time. If you are home, you remain naked. That’s their rule. This person hates beating around the bush when it comes to sex. They see it as a natural thing, and they do not give a fuck about what the world says. They live fully.

They will play out every single one of their fantasy. They love cuddling after sex. You two can share some food and drinks or even cigarettes if that's your thing afterwards. Your pillow talk will include food.

Strawberry would be their favourite food. You could smell or taste like strawberries to them.

They love blowjobs/ oral from you. They literally cannot get enough of your mouth. They would die a very happy person if they received orals for the rest of their lives.

They are scared of losing you to someone else. They would write you love letters and even give you gift baskets randomly. They would love to take you out for a picnic and then draw out an orgasm or two.

This person is religious and traditional. They may ask your assistance if they are into witchcraft Lilly and orchids may have relevance. Marriage is sacred to them. They only marry when they are sure.

They don’t want anyone who is materialistic. Out of place but this person loves a fluffy bed with a lot of pillows. Guess they use the pillows to settle you in the perfect position. Try it if you haven't. It helps.

They aren’t vanilla but they aren’t crazy wild either. This is respectful sex with multiple rounds.

They love coloured hair. They are going to be obsessed with watching you sleep. They may even wake you up with sex. Morning sex is their favourite. Take it as it resonates but threesomes orgies may be their thing. Or at least they will fantasize about it. They may have grown up on a farm. Their fantasies include taking you from behind and fingering you at the same time.

They are the more dominant in the relationship. You two are tied to fate or maybe a twin flame.

Pile 2:

Death by orgasm. That's it. That's what came through immediately. You will be a little overwhelmed when you sleep with this person. They give it all. All or nothing is their motto.

This person is super possessive. They will not tolerate anyone hitting on you. They will mark their territory, drag you home and mark you some more. A very heavy Scorpio energy. You or they may have a Scorpio venus. Capricorn is prevalent too.

Makeup sex would be their thing. They fight and fuck. Hehe.

Sore body parts and all the work. You probably know where this is going, but the relationship with this person can be toxic.

Britney's Toxic playing in the background. 🎶🎶With a taste of your lips, I'm on a ride You're toxic, I'm slippin' under With a taste of a poison paradise I'm addicted to you🎶🎶

Anyway, To alleviate stress this person would go for sex. Let’s put it this way. All of life’s problem has one solution according to this person and that’s sex. This person's approach is flawed but in an odd way. They are not overly optimistic but they aren't pessimistic either. You could describe their view of the world as mundane. Is that a weird word? Sure. But it's true. They are flexible in thinking but they don't give two fucks about things.

This person may piss you off a bit sometimes. They can be secretive and impulsive. They have a mouth that runs a mile too long. This can frustrate you and flare insecurities, that's why if you meet this person or have met this person, hesitate to enter into this relationship until you are sure that this person has the ability to self-reflect and adapt.

They love your boobs. They stare at those a lot. For the male audience, the feminine is going to be leaving bite marks all over your upper body. Plus if you ever try to seduce them, they are a goner. The fun part is if you tease them throughout the day bit by bit. They are going to torture you through the night. Delaying orgasms, and edging all the good but frustrating stuff This person expresses themselves through sex.

Hibiscus may be important for this pile. Pineapple is what they would describe your smell. There may be communication issues at the beginning of this relationship. This person will learn to listen. Be patient with them. Rough hardcore sex is their thing. Oof, your poor legs.

This person has a lot of healing to do. This feels like a twin flame thing. It's not bad, but there is a lot of misunderstanding because many of the habits are being reflected and they/ you may want to run away from but cannot.

Pile 3:

This person will indulge in a lot of car sex and kitchen sex. This person is someone who will love to introduce aphrodisiacs in the bedroom or the kitchen, anyway.

Shower sex is there but you guys are not going to indulge in that one very much.

Vanilla is what you smell like to them. Poison ivy may have some relevance to this pile. Plants have come through for each pile. So idk if that's a message for me to start doing green witchcraft or encourage people for the same. Confusing times.

This person would love to tie your legs together, hold them up and pound it out. In the case of the feminine, she will love to tie you up. Her personality is going to be more dominant than yours. She would not be shy about sex. This pile may be drawn to pile 1 as well. There is a lot of difference in the relationship dynamics and that may be why you chose this pile.

This person is very transformative. They like to adapt and change as per the world. Not in a superficial way, but having a transformational mindset. They are very, very progressive. This person could like the colour green.

This person may travel a lot too. You would have to opportunity to explore a lot of places with this person. Greece, Turkey and Morrocco came straight through. This person will introduce you to a part of this world you would have never thought you would be a part of. This person does seem financially well-off. Like taking two trips to foreign countries rich. That's pretty amazing. You may be expecting a little more from this person but you do have certain financial insecurity which you could project onto them. Time to do shadow work!

You are going to be smaller than this person if you are feminine. And for the masculine, this person is going to be smaller than you.

You know how some people mark great memories of new places with sex? Yeah. That’s this person. You guys will celebrate with sex when you travel to a new place.

Basically very experimental, not dull and dour. Tying you up may be on the menu every now and then while teasing with a vibrator. This person would love to gift you sex toys And you are going to love to tease this person. They are a big fan of that habit.

They love to see you masturbate. Knee-high boots and wearing nothing is the key to their pants. They might give you a red necklace as a present too.

They love grabbing you when you walk past them. It could be the ass the boobs whatever. There is also another element. You two gossip a lot.

Like if there’s tea that either of you heard, both of you know. There is no point in asking you to not tell anyone because you will tell this person. You two are like besties.

IF YOU WANT MORE READINGS, YOU CAN CHECK MY INSTAGRAM: @A_sarcastic_Reader.

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stuckinapril · 5 months

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don’t know if you’ve already shared (or if you wouldn’t like to) but i’d love to hear about your resolutions and goals for this year!

Hi so sorry for how late this is!! I have quite a few!

Ins —

Being more decisive. Trusting myself w calling the shots. Just making a decision and sticking w it.

Financial literacy