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mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months

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Amazon's bestselling "bitter lemon" energy drink was bottled delivery driver piss

Today (Oct 20), I'm in Charleston, WV at Charleston's Taylor Books from 12h-14h.

For a brief time this year, the bestselling "bitter lemon drink" on Amazon was "Release Energy," which consisted of the harvested urine of Amazon delivery drivers, rebottled for sale by Catfish UK prankster Oobah Butler in a stunt for a new Channel 4 doc, "The Great Amazon Heist":

https://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-great-amazon-heist

Collecting driver piss is surprisingly easy. Amazon, you see, puts its drivers on a quota that makes it impossible for them to drive safely, park conscientiously, or, indeed, fulfill their basic human biological needs. Amazon has long waged war on its employees' kidneys, marking down warehouse workers for "time off task" when they visit the toilets.

As tales of drivers pissing – and shitting! – in their vans multiplied, Amazon took decisive action. The company enacted a strict zero tolerance policy for drivers returning to the depot with bottles of piss in their vans.

That's where Butler comes in: the roads leading to Amazon delivery depots are lined with bottles of piss thrown out of delivery vans by drivers who don't want to lose their jobs, which made harvesting the raw material for "Release Energy" a straightforward matter.

Butler was worried that he wouldn't be able to list his product on Amazon because he didn't have the requisite "food and drinks licensing" certificates, so he listed his drink in Amazon's refillable pump dispenser category. But Amazon's systems detected the mismatch and automatically shifted the product into the drinks section.

Butler enlisted some confederates to place orders for his drink, and it quickly rocketed to the top of Amazon's listings for the category, which led to Amazon's recommendation engine pushing the item on people who weren't in on the gag. When these orders came in, Butler pulled the plug, but not before an Amazon rep telephoned him to pitch him turning packaging, shipping and fulfillment over to Amazon:

https://www.wired.com/story/amazon-let-its-drivers-urine-be-sold-as-an-energy-drink/

The Release Energy prank was just one stunt Butler pulled for his doc; he also went undercover at an Amazon warehouse, during a period when Amazon hired an extra 1,000 workers for its warehouses in Coventry, UK, in a successful bid to dilute pro-union sentiment in his workforce in advance of a key union vote:

https://jacobin.com/2023/10/the-great-amazon-heist-oobah-butler-review

Butler's stint as an Amazon warehouse worker only lasted a couple of days, ending when Amazon recognized him and fired him.

The contrast between Amazon's ability to detect an undercover reporter and its inability to spot bottles of piss being marketed as bitter lemon energy drink says it all, really. Corporations like Amazon hire vast armies of "threat intelligence" creeps who LARP at being CIA superspies, subjecting employees and activists to intense and often illegal surveillance.

But while Amazon's defensive might is laser-focused on the threat of labor organizers and documentarians, the company can't figure out that one of its bestselling products is bottles of its tormented drivers' own urine.

In the USA, the FTC is suing Amazon for its monopolistic tactics, arguing that the company has found ways to raise prices and reduce quality by trapping manufacturers and sellers with its logistics operation, taking $0.45-$0.51 out of every dollar they earn and forcing them to raise prices at all retailers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

The Release Energy stunt shows where Amazon's priorities are. Not only did Release Energy get listed on Amazon without any quality checks, the company actually nudged it into a category where it was more likely to be consumed by a person. The only notice the company took of Release Energy was in its logistics and manufacturing department – the part of the business that extracts the monopoly rents at issue in the FTC case – which tracked Butler down in order to sell him these services.

The drivers whose piss Butler collected don't work directly for Amazon, they work for a Delivery Service Partner. These DSPs are victims of a pyramid scheme that Amazon set up. DSP operators lease vans and pay to have them skinned in Amazon livery and studded with Amazon sensors. They take out long-term leases on depots, and hire drivers who dress in Amazon uniforms. Their drivers are minutely monitored by Amazon, down to the movements of their eyeballs.

But none of this is "Amazon" – it's all run by an "entrepreneur," whom Amazon can cut loose without notice, leaving them with unfairly terminated employees, outstanding workers' comp claims, a fleet of Amazon-skinned vehicles and unbreakable facilities leases:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/17/revenge-of-the-chickenized-reverse-centaurs/

Speaking to Wired, Amazon denied that it forces its drivers to piss in bottles, but Butler clearly catches a DSP dispatcher telling drivers "If you pee in a bottle and leave it [in the vehicle], you will get a point for that" – that is, the part you get punished for isn't the peeing, it's the leaving.

Amazon's defense against the FTC is that it spares no effort to keep its marketplace safe. As Amazon spokesperson James Drummond says, they use "industry-leading tools to prevent genuinely unsafe products being listed." But the only industry-leading tools in evidence are tools to bust unions and screw suppliers.

In her landmark Yale Law Review paper, "Amazon's Antitrust Paradox," FTC Chair Lina Khan makes a brilliant argument that Amazon's alleged benefits to "consumers" are temporary at best, illusory at worst:

https://www.yalelawjournal.org/note/amazons-antitrust-paradox

In Butler's documentary, Khan's hypothesis is thoroughly validated: here's a company extracting hundreds of billions from merchants who raise prices to compensate, and those monopoly rents are "invested" in union-busting and countermeasures against investigative journalists, while the tools to keep you from accidentally getting a bottle of piss in the mail are laughably primitive.

Truly, Amazon is the apex predator of the platform era:

https://pluralistic.net/ApexPredator

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/20/release-energy/#the-bitterest-lemon

My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!

#pluralistic #release energy #channel 4 #amazon #corporate intelligence #labor #unions #amazon labor union #the great Amazon heist #catfish uk #oobah butler #delivery service partner

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researchnreports · 1 year

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#Global Energy Food And Drinks Market

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thatwritererinoriordan · 2 years

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#power pac'ed #pac-man #energy drink #my photos #international foods market

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babyleostuff · 3 months

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svt on your birthday | ot13

❥ seungcheol

i’m sure a lot of us would say that cheol would plan an expensive restaurant date, book a table at one of the more extravagant restaurants in town (he’d probably buy you a dress, and some jewellery to match it too), and treat you like a princess for the whole day. and as much as i agree with that, he’d also try to make it a bit more… nostalgic? like, at the end of your night he’d bring you to a place that means a lot to the both of you, and whip out a framed, old photo of you from one of your first dates, or pull out from god knows where your favourite flowers - you get the gist. he’s a lil big romantic at heart.

❥ jeonghan

would plan something very low-key - not because he doesn’t care about your special day, but at the same time hannie doesn’t feel the need to be as extravagant as cheol to show you how deeply he cares about you. his sweet touches, gentle gazes, and a gift that he prepared a couple of months in advance would be more than enough. to be honest, except for the gift, he wouldn’t plan anything in particular. you’d wake up together, eat breakfast that he made, and then he’d ask you what you want to do. the end of your day would end up with lots of cuddles, and sweet kisses.

❥ joshua

if there is one thing joshua doesn’t mind spending his money on it’s you. he’d probably prepare two gifts - one handmade by him, and one quite an expensive one, because you need to be spoiled on your birthday (and any other day). as for the plans for the day, i think it’d be pretty similar to jeonghan’s - as long as you spend it together it’s all good. he’d maybe take you out on a nice walk, and buy you street food, or take you to some sort of faire or market if it was in town. something very chill, so you could spend some quality time together.

❥ jun

i feel like jun would try to surprise you with something, whether it be a gift or an activity. nothing too big, but meaningful to you. why do i have a feeling that the surprise wouldn’t really work, though, - either he’d spoil it, or you’d find about it by accident, but nonetheless, your birthday would be perfect. you’d spend the whole day together, maybe you’d go out with a couple of your closest friends, do some fun activities, eat and drink a lot, and at the end of the day jun would either take you to like a “special place” for you, or if you were too tired he’d take you home, and give you his gift with tons of shy kisses and hugs.

❥ hoshi

he’d definetly plan something crazy, you’d not be bored - that’s for sure. he’d wake you up at dawn by jumping on the bed or playing loud music, and singing into your ear. his energy would be impossible that day, even more so than usual (he’d be that excited to celebrate your birthday). after rudely waking you up (with love), hoshi would drag you to the kitchen and make you eat the breakfast that he had prepared (he almost burned the house down), and then take you out on your super duper fun birthday excursion. the end of the day, though, would be very calm, and filled with sweet touches and hushed words of “i love you’s” and “happy birthday”.

❥ wonwoo

unlike hoshi, wonwoo would let you sleep in, and while usually he is the first one out of bed, he’d stay with you until you woke up (your first gift would be a bare-faced, and naked wonwoo cuddled into your side) (do i have to mention his adorable bed hair). he’d try his best to make you a nice breakfast, and that in itself would feel like the greatest present you could ever get. other than that, he’s the next member of the “chill squad”, because wonwoo wouldn’t have anything specific planned. he’d take you out on a nice meal, or maybe to a park to take some photos of you, so you’d have a nice memory of the day (the best one would be the one taken by a stranger, with wonwoo having his arms tightly wrapped around you, and you nuzzled into his side). of course the gift would be very well thought out, and he’d blush furiously while giving it to you.

❥ woozi

okay, so bear with me - i know he’s usually locked up in his studio, and rarely leaves the place (thank you nana tour for changing that) (not that i have anything against him spending time in his studio), but why do i feel like he’d take you out of the city for a trip. nothing too big, it's not like you’d fly to another country, but like a 2-3 hour road trip. woozi would really try to make this day as special as he could, and going on a short getaway trip would be perfect. you’d walk around, eat, take a lot of pictures, and most importantly - spend some quality time together. at some point, like the most random one, he’d whip out his gift for you, and it’d be just as special as the trip.

❥ dk

dk to me is such a romantic soul, and because of that i think he’d stress a lot (in a good way) about your birthday, to make it as special and memorable as possible. there would definitely be a lot of flowers involved, and multiple gifts, big and small, whether they’d be made by him or bought. he’d plan some nice activities - you’d go places that you wanted to visit before, but didn’t have the time too, get ice cream if your birthday was in the spring/ summer time, or go sledding if it’s in the winter time. at the end of the day you’d go to a nice restaurant, not as extravagant as cheol, but still more on the expensive side, because he has to spoil you. also, you’d definitely take some photo booth pictures that you’d hang on your fridge later.

❥ mingyu

first gift? waking up to his cuddles, endless kisses, hugs, “i love you’s”, and migoo giggles. you’d probably spend the first of the day eating take out, watching bad movies, and talking about the most absurd topics there could be. the whole time, you’d be nuzzled into his naked chest, while he’d have his arm around your shoulder tightly holding you close to his body. you’d get up (with a lot of complaints from you, because what better way to spend your birthday than cuddled up with mingyu?) when the sun would start to set, and that’s when the real “party” would start. mingyu would take you out to some fun activities, like mini golf, or a bar where you could play pool and darts. then you’d go around the city, when most of the people would already be in their homes getting ready for bed, with mingyu's jacket draped around your shoulders.

❥ minghao

i just know the gift you’d get from him would be perfect. it’d be so well thought out, and it’d definitely be something that’d mean a lot to you. minghao would give it to you right after you woke up, still drowsy from sleep. he’d probably coo at you, and kiss your forehead, while placing the gift on the bed with a lovesick smile. he’d incorporate anything that has to do with your hobbies throughout the day, because what’s better than making the love of your life smile and watch doing what they love. minghao would also be a lot more affectionate, in like the “physical touch” way, you wouldn’t be able to peel him off you, AND you can expect a call from the xu family, because his mom and dad loves you more than they love him. at the end of the day, you’d end up on the couch on facetime talking to his family, and eating your favourite take out.

❥ seungkwan

i feel like, similarly to mingyu, you’d spend the morning and afternoon in bed, cuddling, kissing, eating, and probably gossiping about everyone you know. it’d be so nice to just spend some time together, without having to worry about your work, or school. later, he’d take you out to a nice restaurant that he had booked in advance, and give you a bouquet of your favourite flowers. after - neither one of you would know how, you’d end up in the most random place in the city, probably getting lost (but it’s all right, as long as you are together it doesn't matter where you end up). after finally getting back home, you’d turn on a movie, and you’d cuddle under a blanket, where you’d fall asleep together.

❥ vernon

he wouldn’t have anything planned. now, not because he doesn't care (of course he does), but because he wants to spend your day in the way that you want. you want to stay in bed? great, now you can cuddle for the whole day. you want to have a movie marathon? he’s on his way to the kitchen to make popcorn. you want to go out? vernon is already putting his shoes on. all that matters to him is that you’re together, and you get to spend the day as a lil lovesick couple that doesn’t care about anything except for each other. the only thing he has planned is the gift he has for you, which he’d be actually so nervous to give to you. because what if you don’t like it? what if you think it’s too sappy? but of course his gift would be perfect, just like the whole day.

❥ chan

another one that i think is very romantic, so he’d stress about planning your birthday as well, because hello? there are so many things that could go wrong, and your special day has to be absolutely perfect. dino would wake you up with kisses on your cheeks, and forehead, while wishing you a happy birthday (he could be saying anything, you’d be too tired to understand what he’d be saying at that point). he’d give you your gift to unwrap while he’d be making breakfast (he’d be panicking so much, because one - what if you hate the gift, and two - what if he messes the food up? so you’d have to reassure him lots that you love the gift, and that the breakfast was delicious). same as dk, i think he’d love to take photobooth pictures with you, so you could put it behind your cases, and after your little photoshoot he’d take you out on a picking in the park (if the weather was be bad you’d have a picking in your living room).

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @soul-is-a-strange-kid @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @chillseo @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @aaasia111 @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings

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kyluff · 5 months

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— ↺ Pregnancy Cravings

✎ gojo + geto + nanami + toji + choso x reader !

✦ summary ➠ headcannons on how jjk men react to your cravings during pregnancy.

✦ warnings ➠ pregnancy, nausea, puking

✦ note ➠Hi! Can there be a part 2 of this like pregnancy cravings? - asked by erajoie07 under my ‘baby daddy’ post.

✪ Satoru Gojo

— Pregnancy had brought both negative and positive aspects to your life; exhaustion and energy, tears and happy tears, hate and love. But a very prominent thing that you, and Gojo, noticed was that it brought many cravings. That’s what brought you to where you are now, walking down a street that was littered with food and trinket stands alike.

It all started when you said you wanted ice cream, but not just any ice cream that you get in a pail. No, you wanted to have it scooped by a worker and given out in a large waffle cone, it had to be a waffle cone, not a regular cone. If it wasn’t then you didn’t want to eat it anymore. So you loving husband brought you to a ice cream stand.

“Thank you.” You heard your husband thank the cashier, taking the cone and turning to bring it your way. You were sat on a bench, wishing to sit for a while and rest your swollen feet. To be honest, you started to feel a little queasy ever since you reached the farmers market and had taken in all the smells it produced. It was hard carrying around a almost eight month baby. “Here you go, your precious waffle cone and chocolate ice cream.”

“Actually, I think I’ll pass. I’m not feeling well.” You grimaced, scrunching your nose up and the sight of the dripping ice cream. “Thank you for getting for me though.” You kissed his cheek.

“That’s alright, I can have it for you.” He assured you. “Feeling sick? Want to go back home?” He asked, sitting down beside you and pulling you closer to lean onto his body. Sure, he did let you drag him all the way here just to get you your special treat, but he understood. Pregnancy did a lot of things to a woman.

“No! I think I just need something salty to eat, sweetness it totally throwing me off right now.” You nuzzled into his shoulder, letting all your weight fall onto him.

“Good idea, maybe a soft pretzel, how does that sound?” He bumped your shoulder and you nodded as a response, letting him hoist you up. He secured an arm around you, steadying you while you walked to the pretzel stand, his other hand still holding onto the cone.

Once you had the pretzel secured, you bit into it, smiling at the salty taste that melted into your tongue. Quickly though, your smile faded and your lips trembled in an attempt to hold in the puke that was inevitably rising up your throat. You rushed to the nearest garbage can and let it all out, Gojo followed behind you in worry.

“I think it’s about time we go home.” He had already finished your forgotten ice cream, using one of his hands to pull your hair out of your face while the other worked to rub comforting shapes onto you back.

“No, no. I need a drink, I heard that ginger ale was good for upset stomachs.” You tried to reason, straightening your posture to stand fully.

He breathed in once, shutting his eyes slowly. Why were you being so stubborn, you were clearly sick and needed rest, but you insisted on staying here. He’d go easy on you, you were carrying his child after all. He regained himself, nodding in agreement. “If you get sick again, we’re going home, that’s final.”

You frowned, feeling guilty about making him do all these things. Once you reach a stand that had what you needed, you took small sips of the bubbling liquid, hoping it would react ok.

Gojo was watching you intently, to see if you showed any signs of discomfort or distress.

You paused, feeling another wave of nausea wash over you again. You did your best to hide it from the man that was looking at you, smiling shyly and starting to walk back down the street. “Let’s go home, I’m tried.” It came out shakily.

You did go home, speed walking to the bathroom to relieve yourself of this yucky feeling. You hovered over the toilet, all of the contents of your day coming up. You sighed and wiped your lip, finishing washing your hands. You reached for the door, but Gojo beat you to it. He had a disappointed look on his face, swaying his head side to side.

His silence made you speak, caving into it. “Look, I felt bad, I made you run all over just to get me some food. And I barely ate any of it!”

He softened, bringing your face close to his. “I don’t care about that stuff, I care about you, alright? Your my wife, my pregnant wife that is going to be the mother of my future kid, so if you want me to run you errands then I don’t care. I’ll buy you ten ice creams if that’s what you want.”

✪ Suguru Geto

— You and Suguru have been married for some time now, four years to be exact. And you weren’t first time parents either, you had twin girls that were already three years old by now. You both thought it was the right time to bring another kid into the mix. That’s how you became pregnant now, with your third child.

Your toddlers were asleep finally after they did their toddler activities all around the house. Now it was your time to relax, maybe read a few chapters of the book you started. You entered your bed, turning off the ceiling light and sticking with the candles you had lit all around the bedroom.

As you make yourself comfortable on your bed, your stomach decided to let out a large gurgle, signalling you were hungry. Really? Right now, after you were just about to start reading. You sighed, struggling to lift yourself off the squishy bed. Everything was more difficult when you had a belly the size of a watermelon attached to you. You got to the point where you were sat up, about to slide on your slippers before your husband had barged through the door.

He smiled at you, holding up a brown paper grocery bag up in front of him. “Just swung by the store and saw that they were finally back in stock with the chocolate you’ve been wanting so bad lately.”

You almost cried at the words Geto spoke, he had perfect timing. You were brought back down when he pulled the chocolate bar out of the bag and passed it to you.

“I love you.” You couldn’t help but blurt out, pulling him down with you and you fell down against the bed, kissing him deeply.

“Love you too.” He laughed, you were very random sometimes but he would never dare decline saying a ‘I love you’, especially when it involved you.

✪ Kento Nanami

— It was fairly early in your pregnancy, but it had already affected your emotions greatly. It made you into such a grump, and when you weren’t grumpy you were a cry baby. You’d cry at the littlest things, like if you were watching tv and a sad commercial was shown. You couldn’t help it though, it’s just how your body decided to react to the growing babe in your stomach.

You were a very lucky woman to have such a loving and considerate husband. He understood what you were going through right now, not even batting an eye when you screamed at him in anger, or when you wailed into his embrace.

Right now you were doing the latter of the two, you had been sitting on the couch and had the tv playing when a commercial about elderly dogs came on. When Nanami saw what was on the screen, he quickly sprung into action, switching the channel and looking at you to see how’d you react to this. You were trying to keep it in, taking deep breaths in and out. He stared at you, waiting for something to happen, anything. Then it did, trails of tears streaming down your cheeks.

“Nanami, did you see that poor, old dog?!” You cried out, pointing at the tv even though he had already changed the channel. “He was grey all over, and he had crooked teeth, and his eyes had a shine to them like he was crying!”

You fell into his lap, curling into a sad ball of cries. “And he looked so tired and done with life!”

“Yes, I saw.” He was usually good at coming up with what to say, but what was he suppose to say about a random dog. He regained himself, testing the waters. “He looked quite cute didn’t he?”

Your cries slowed a little, only a little, before they became worse then before. That seemed to be the wrong thing to say. “Such a cute face that’s going to meet its doom, he’s probably going to die in a few years!”

He tried to calm you down with physical comfort instead of verbal. He brought his hand to lay flat against your red cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the constant fall of tears. This didn’t even work though, because you shoved his hand away and covered your face with your own hands. It’s never been this bad, or this long before. You’d usually go back to your normal self after he passed a few words of reassurance or held you close. He didn’t know what to do, but he did what he did best; communication.

“Look, honey, I’m not sure how to help you here. What would make you feel better? Tell me, please, and I’ll do it, anything.” He expressed his feelings forwardly, allowing you time to digest his words. His pointer finger begun to curl with the ends of your hair, waiting for your response.

You mumbled something out against the hands that covered your face, he couldn’t quite understand you. “Say it again, louder this time please, for me?”

“I said ‘a bag of sweet chilli heat Doritos’ would be nice.” You removed your hands this time, ensuring he would hear you.

“Thank you for telling me,” He lifted you gently off of him and placed you back down on the couch as he stood. “I’m going to the convenience store on the corner, I’ll be back soon.” He left you with a small peck on your forehead.

When he returned home to you, he had two white plastic bags with him. “I got you the chips, and I few other things you like.”

After you had your fill of the treats he had brought, you were back to your normal self like nothing ever happened. But this would happen plenty of more times during the 8 months you had left to go, but Nanami didn’t care much. As long as you were happy, and your baby healthy, he was content in life.

✪ Toji Fushiguro

— Toji has been busy with work lately, a particularly hard case was passed onto him to take care of. But now that was all over, he successfully captured the target and handed them off to whichever client has hired him.

He sent a text your way, informing you that he had finished early and was going to be home sooner then expected, which excited you. Your hand subconsciously went to rest on your baby bump, rubbing soothing circles on it. You found that you did this when you were feeling intense emotions, either that being when you were stressed or you were happy, like in this situation.

You decided that you were going to make a proper dinner upon Tojis arrival. That’s the least he deserved after working so hard, and besides, being able to sit down and eat with him would be romantic for both of you after all this time apart.

“M’home.” He mumbled out, kicking off his black shoes and discarding his bag at the entrance. His face shifted slightly when he entered the dinning area, only you could tell though, only you could read him.

“Welcome home,” You skipped up to him, draping your arms around his big shoulders. You pressed a wet kiss to his cheek, then his nose and then his scar. Lastly placing one onto his lips, his own pair of lips chased after yours when you parted from him. “I made your favourite for dinner.”

“Oh ya?” A smirk tugged at his mouth, his hand slipped down so low on your waist, boarder line groping your ass.

“Mhm,” You nodded in response, taking his hand to lead him to the table you set up. There were two plates laid out, filled with food. “Sit down, let’s eat.”

The night consisted of laughs and deep conversations, you could finally talk about what you have missed from each others lives. You picked up your fork, planning to stab into another piece of a side dish you had made, but you were met with nothing. You frowned, that was the one you looked forward to the most while cooking.

Toji picked up on this, he watched as you started mindlessly playing with whatever was left on your plate. Letting the moment play out for awhile, he smiled down at you.

You’ve had enough, standing up and walking to where your boyfriend sat. You kicked the chair leg, telepathically telling him to push back from the table. He listened, leaving enough room for you to squeeze your way onto his lap. Toji accepted the situation, placing his hands on your hips gently, letting you do your thing.

“What’s up?” He hummed in a teasing voice, anything he said came out in a teasing way really. You took his fork, using it to eat what you had wanted to earlier from your own.

“Your sons hungry,” You said before taking another bite. “And he really seems to like this.”

He only nodded his head, letting out a quiet groan as he rubbed up and down the sides of your body.

✪ Choso Kamo

— Choso has always been an obedient boyfriend, doing anything you asked of him with no complaint. This time you might’ve crossed a line though, tonight you asked him to spoon feed you the vanilla yogurt he had just got back from buying you. This just might be the most outrageous task you’ve ever thrown his way, but he agreed to it still, that’s just how much he loved you.

“Can you really not do this yourself?” He asked you as he sat in front of you, lining himself up so he could perform what you wanted to be done.

“I could, technically speaking. But I much rather my handsome boyfriend do it for me.” You passed him the spoon and opened yogurt container.

“Hmm,” he hummed out quietly, taking the two objects you happily gave him. “I still don’t understand why you would ever possibly want this, though.”

“Because it’s romantic, Choso,” You educated your the man. “It’s like you’re feeding our baby yourself.” You giggled, this was a joke of course, I mean the logic behind your words made no sense. But this awakened something in Choso, he felt sparks forming in his heart. He never thought of it in that way, but he sure was now. And he liked that idea.

He quickly scooped up a chunk of the white substance, bringing it to your lips. You smiled at his knew found sense of enthusiasm, opening your mouth to welcome the silverware. You shut your mouth closed, swallowing the yogurt and letting out a satisfied hum.

“Wasn’t that nice? Very intimate I’d say—”

Your boyfriend didn’t respond, only forming another spoonful for you to eat. You smiled as you watched him, to think he was considering saying no to this, now he was enjoying it so much.

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novlr · 11 months

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How to write the heat?

Quick Tips on How to Write Heat

Heat can have many connotations in your stories beyond just temperature. It can be a sensation, an event, or even a metaphor for something else. The way a character internalises or experiences heat will also be unique to them, so here are some quick tips on how to use imagery to convey heat in a variety of ways.

In Nature

Use colours like red, yellow, or orange

Parched scenery, like cracked earth and dry leaves

Bright sunlight

Mirages

Blistering winds

Heat waves radiating from hot asphalt

Animals huddling in the shade

Wide and barren landscapes

Hot sand to contrast with cool water

Wilting vegetation and a change in colour

The sound of cicadas

Foods and Objects

Hot peppers with bright colours

Spicy dishes (and how characters handle them)

Melting ice cream and frozen drinks

The sizzling sound of food in a hot pan

The smell of a barbeque

Cold drinks that provide relief

Flip flops, shorts, and tank tops

Sunscreen and hats

Metal and leather that is too hot to touch

Salt or minerals left on surfaces after liquid evaporates

Faded colours on objects left in the sun

Peeling paint

The hiss of steam from a kettle

Character Moods

Short-tempered

Lazy

Discomfort

Easily frustrated

Disinterested

Relaxed

Energised

Joyful

Exhausted

Adventurous

Anxious

Fearful

Irritable

Lethargic

Contemplative

Restless

Overwhelmed

Rejuvenated

Impatient

Distracted

Apprehensive

Isolated

Embarrassed

Motivated

Character Body Language

Wiping sweat from their faces

Fanning themselves

Shifting uncomfortable

Sluggish movements

Licking lips and swallowing due to dehydration

Shedding layers of clothing

Unconsciously moving toward the shade

Constantly drinking

Breathing heavily

Squinting or shielding eyes

Flushed skin

Panting or shallow breathing

Avoiding physical contact

Actions and Events

Seeking shelter during a heatwave

Roadtrips in a hot car with the windows open

Swimming at a pool, lake, or a beach

Sharing drinks with friends at a cafe, bar, or beer garden

Planning holidays to cooler climates

Staying indoors to read to watch TV where it’s cool

Watching the sunset or sunrise when it’s cooler

Going out at night to avoid the heat of the day

Beach parties and barbeques

Wildfire warnings

Outdoor markets and garage sales

Camping trips

Positive Aspects

Heat can be a time of joy, where families and friends can enjoy time together doing outdoor activities not available to them the rest of the year. Food becomes lighter, the days are longer, and people tend to get more exercise. There are also positive ways to describe the juxtaposition of something hot after immediately experiencing the cold, like a hot drink on a cold day.

Negative Aspects

Not every association with heat is positive. Hot weather brings environmental damage like droughts and wildfires that affect agriculture and wildlife. It can also lead to physical discomfort, like heat rash, dehydration, sunburn, sleep disruption, or being forced to work or exercise in uncomfortable environments.

Helpful Synonyms

Scorching

Blistering

Temperate

Boiling

Fiery

Burning

Inferno

Glowing

Simmering

Sweltering

Torrid

Steaming

Tropical

Flaming

Feverish

Stifling

Roasting

Searing

Tropical

Radiant

Common metaphors

Passion or desire

Anger and conflict

Pressure or stress

Excitement and energy

Change or transformation

Danger or warning

Life and vitality

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scary-lasagna · 5 months

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Hello, I hope you’re doing well! I was wondering if it was okay if to request LJ, Bloody Painter, and Hoodie (separately) with a siren reader? Reader, in her human form, is slightly stronger, durable, and faster. However, in their siren form (which happens when they get submerged underwater) they have the typical powers of a siren, but they also have limit consciousness. What I mean by that is that they are a lot more feral in this form, and doesn’t really recognize anyone in that form, but like, around their partners, they’d sort of feel familiar to them, so reader in their siren form won’t attack them or anything. Hope this makes sense!

In my AU sirens can also transform into bird-like creatures! They have power over the sea and the air :] I decided to implement that as well.

Laughing Jack

Jack, as you know, runs an old, worn-down circus.

There are no more acts of beasts, or rare animals from the human realm, but more so of a retirement place for the creatures.

He basically bought you off of the black market, watching the algae float around the the cramped tank they kept you in.

There was no way he'd be able to sleep at night, knowing he could prevent another lonely night for you.

You got a lovely spot next to Snowflake, his prized albino Tiger, which Jack thought was so funny, because of the cat and fish dynamic.

But after research and asking around after taking care of you for a month, he concluded to take you out of the water.

He enjoyed that month of bonding and feeding you, and even reading you stories whenever you seemed bored with any enrichment toys and food he gave you. He wondered if you would even remember him.

But you did, and you thanked him profusely for rescuing you, even if he had no idea how much it cost or energy it took to rehabilitate a siren-like yourself.

And Jack was always willing to learn whatever you told him, even bringing up stories from your culture about how the sea will reach toward the moon in an attempt to reach its lover that flew too high.

And it took am embarrassingly long amount of time to realize that Jack's feathers were fake, simply a silly decoration he enjoyed.

But over time, you two grew close, and now you have a rather large tank full of a small reef and a complete array of fish to keep you happy whenever you decide to dip your toes.

Helen

Oh, Helen is just head over heels for you.

He thinks you're the most beautiful muse he's ever come across, and every time you step foot in the water you two fall in love all over again.

You actually almost killed him the first time you met. Both of you thought you were alone, and quickly realized the presence of the other.

He managed to squeeze you into his painting of the sunset, but before leaving, he gathered seashells into the tide.

You almost bit his arm off, and ended up getting a face full of oil paint. It tasted lovely, as you can imagine, (it tasted like you gulped down an oil spill).

As while busy gagging and attempting to wash your mouth out, and drink the sea water, which would make even the best of sirens sea-sick, Helen took charge and dragged you out of the water to help you.

And you hit it off since, and many of his paints of you have gained quite the popularity.

Brian

Not gonna lie, he thinks you are pretty terrifying.

The first time you went to the beach, Brian expected something like Ariel, or even the mermaids from Pirates of the Caribbean.

He was not expecting your true form in the slightest.

Your jaw unhinged and ripped your cheeks clean in half to reveal not one, but multiple rows of sharp teeth.

And he's seen many things and creatures in his career as a proxy, but a siren had not been one of them. Slender had mentioned staying away from them, especially as humans, you can be lured whenever they decide to be bored of you, and then drag you to the sea floor.

Or maybe they'll grab you up in their talons leading to sculpted human legs and drop you in a vat of bubbling acid.

Whatever the case was, it seemed as if it went into one ear and out with other with Brian, because he fell in love.

But damn, in the water you were hella creepy. And of course, you thought it was a game to scare this familiar stranger shitless since he seemed so keen on staying around you.

He managed to lure you out from the water with a little jar of "siren-bait" from one of the seaside shops. It didn't work as expected, but you really just wanted to see if it contained any edible food.

But he liked pruning your wings and picking off the casing of new feathers whenever they came in, and if he wasn't feeling too tired, he would give you a small massage to your shoulders after holding up your wings for so long.

#helen otis x reader #helen #bloody painter #bloody painter x reader #creepypasta x reader #laughing jack #laughing jack x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta headcanon #creepypasta imagines #creepypasta blog #hoodie x reader #brian thomas #brian thomas x reader #proxy x reader

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bloodlust-1 · 4 months

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The Consort ₊⁺જ⁀➴

Ascended Astarion x fem Tav

Chapter: 2 | Red Is Traditional

Summary: In a tumultuous tale of love, power, and betrayal, Tav finds herself entangled in a complex relationship with Astarion, a heartless vampire lord who will stop at nothing to maintain control over his newfound spawn. As Tav witnesses Astarion’s transformation and descent into darkness, their love is put to the ultimate test amidst love triangles, drama, and the pursuit of world domination. Redemption seems like an elusive goal while Tav grapples with the realization of who her lover has truly become.

UPDATED EVERY MONDAY

AO3 LINK | MASTER LIST

Lovely photo by @aristenfromwarsaw

"Wake up." Tav was shaken awake by Astarion. She rubbed her eyes and looked up at him, confused.

"What's going on?" she asked. Her eyes darted to the window and the sun was slowly settling down into the horizon. Astarion was usually in the palace by that time, with no intentions of leaving.

"Don't question me, just get dressed," Astarion said, passing Tav an embroidered black cloak. "We must hurry before it gets too late and the shop closes."

Tav's eyes widened. "oh - okay." She sat up from the bed and hurried to put on the luxurious cloak and slippers. "Is there something going on..?" Tav stumbled as her finger got snagged while trying to slip on her flats.

"Wait," Astarion held Tav by her shoulder as she fixed herself. "You need to drink this first." He reached for a glass cup sitting on their bedside.

The thick liquid of blood filled the brim of the cup. It was darker in color than Tav's freshest pint of the slick, but he was right. She needed to eat before starving herself.

As Tav gazed at the glass in front of her, a look of disgust crossed her face. With a swift motion, she pushed it away, “I don’t want it..”

Disgusting.

Astarion’s expression shifted into a frown, his eyes reflecting a hint of anger, "You can eat all the food you want, but we both know it'll never give you the proper energy your body needs."

With a subtle yet commanding gesture, he pressed the glass against her lips, his tone firm yet strangely alluring. “Drink.”

She held the glass lightly and sipped the thick dark slick. It coated her mouth in a bitterness that turned Tav's face sour.

"It's bitter," she coughed, dabbing away the excess spill from the corners of her lips.

"It's old," Astarion continued. "But it'll give you some energy."

Astarion had to bottle animal blood for Tav, and not every day was a successful catch.

Tav took another sip and forced it down. It tasted awful, but it did give her a little energy.

"Okay," she said. "I'm ready."

Astarion studied Tav's face, his dark eyes glittering with amusement. He cupped her cheek, pressing his thumb against the smeared blood on her lips. "You're a mess," he chuckled, his voice low and playful. "But you look so beautifully delicious."

He leaned over and licked the traces of blood left on her skin, pressing his lips into hers in a small kiss. Tav willingly opened her mouth, her heart pounding. She could feel his tongue against hers, and the taste of his kiss was intoxicating.

Astarion pulled away, his eyes still locked on hers. "Now we can go."

Tav nodded obediently, her mind still reeling. Her chest pounded with a heat that burned from the absence of Astarion's touch. She had never felt so alive.

They left the palace and headed to the market. Tav held onto Astarion’s arm as they walked down the familiar streets of the lower city.

"Where are we going?" Tav pulled her cloak's hood over her head, shielding her from any light left in the horizon.

"Fabrics. The party is formal attire and I wanted you to wear only the finest material." Astarion guided Tav up the ally ways and she gazed up at him, face flushed.

"Are you going to...sew me a dress?" She tried to peek up at his face, and when his eyes caught hers, he nodded once with a smirk on his face.

The rush of warmth squeezed Tav's chest and her smile beamed brighter than any star in the sky. Tav knew Astarion was a skilled sewer, but she had never seen it for herself. This felt special.

The city was still under construction from the Netherbrain and it was kinda sad to see all the rubble piled up in front of destroyed buildings.

Astarion tugged on Tav's arm as she got caught between her feet staring out at the ruins of what was once a grand city.

“Come now, my dear," he said with a stern lilt to his voice, "We're almost there." He too looked at the rubble, remembering how weak and helpless he had felt back then. But now, he was stronger than ever.

With a small jingle of the door, a wave of natural fibers hit Tav and Astarion. The countless rows of material covered the walls and the store clerk greeted them,

"Good day!" The clerk's eyes sized up the couple and his eyebrows perked up. They looked expensive. "Looking for something as flawless as you two?"

Tav cracked a shy smile, her elf ears dropped with reddened tips. She waited for Astarion to speak, "Yes. I want nothing but the best."

The clerk's smile widened and he guided them to a section of the shop with a wave of his hand, "Of course! I have the finest material all available to the likes of you. Here - take a look."

Tav eyes trailed down the rows of fabric, and one caught her eye. A purple velvet material. It was soft to the touch, stretchy, and rich in color.

"Astarion, look how pretty." Tav rolled out a piece of the velvet from the roll, face flushed with amazement.

Astarion’s face turned bitter and he shook his head, "No, darling. Just feel how heavy it is. Do you really want to drag this dress around?" He scuffed, how foolish.

"I suppose..." Tav rolled the velvet back with a sigh. "I thought it just looked pretty."

"What you thought and what is true are two different things. Now - let us take a look at this." Astarion rolled out a silky red fabric with a glint of approval in his eyes. "Now this is something worth our attention. Red is traditional after all."

Tav hummed with a nod, yes it really was beautiful. Maybe he was right, the velvet would be a heavier material.

"That is our mulberry silk. It is made from the cocoons of silkworms. It is one of my finest materials in all of Faerun, everyone will know its worth just by its look and feel."

The feel? Tav would be wearing it and there's no way he'd let anyone touch her under his watch. Astarion frowned, "No one will be touching this material except me." Jealousy blurred his vision for a moment before clearing his throat, "This will be all."

The clerk's worried expression landed on Tav. It was like he was trying to telepathically send red flag signals to her, but alas, she knew this side of Astarion too well. And sometimes it was very abrasive.

To cut the tension, Tav spoke out with excitement, "Well! it's very beautiful. Thank you for your time, sir.

As they walked home, Astarion noticed the admiring glances from other prying eyes as they passed by, and a flicker of jealousy crossed his face.

It wasn't Tav's fault she was unique in beauty. She was definitely foreign in appearance compared to the city’s people. She bared clear crystal white eyes, that were eerie yet captivating. Growing up, the wood elves thought she was born blind, but it was just genetics. She looked ghastly with dark glowing skin like licorice and had long messy locs. Her hips were fuller than most, with petite shoulders. Even in a cloak, she shined in the crowd. Nothing could mask her beauty.

She was Astarion's vision, his muse.

He subtly tugged at Tav’s arm, a gentle yet possessive gesture that didn’t go unnoticed. Tav turned to him with a knowing smile, her eyes sparkling mischievously, "Jealous?"

Tav shrugged, she was used to people staring at her.

“Tav,” he murmured, his voice laced with possessiveness, “When people stare, they'll know your mine.”

Tav stopped in her tracks, turning to face him fully. She reached out to gently cup his cheek, her gaze unwavering. “You have nothing to worry about, my dear vampire,” she assured with a grin. “I have eyes only for you.”

Astarion’s expression softened at her words, a rare smile escaping his lips as he shook his head amusingly. “You are daring, my dear spawn. But I suppose I am reassured by your words.”

There’s no need to be jealous when he consumed so much of her already, mind body and soul.

Tav tried to pull his face into a kiss, but she was stopped mid-gesture. Astarion grabbed her wrist, and he loomed over her with dominance, "Now, now. We must save our energy. I still have to take your measurements."

Tav yanked her arm away from Astarion, slightly rubbing her wrist, "I really don't like when you grab me like that, Star." She felt a little crossed.

He leaned in closer to Tav, his voice low and seductive. "On the contrary, you do. It's Just when you're not on your knees is when it is a sudden problem."

Tav raised an eyebrow, looking slightly offended but also amused. She crossed her arms and scoffed.

“Oh, is that so?” Her tone teased. Despite the provocative comment, she refused to let Astarion’s charm rattle her composure. She met his gaze head-on, unflinching and bold.

“Well, if you think that’s a problem, maybe you’re just not used to someone who can stand tall in your presence,” Tav batted her eyelashes in amusement.

Tav took a step closer to Astarion, their faces merely inches away. “But don’t worry, I’m sure we can find a way to work around that little issue,” she added with a wink.

Astarion’s lips curled into a smirk, “That mouth is going to get you in trouble.”

He was entertained and impressed by Tav’s cheekiness. Without missing a beat, he reached out and grabbed her hand, intertwining their fingers. “Come now, Let’s not keep the night waiting any longer,” He appreciated her daring nature and found himself drawn to her fiery spirit.

But in the back of his mind, Tav would have to suffer punishment for speaking so rashly to her master. In all due time, of course.

Next part here

Any thoughts? Comment 👇🏼 I love to engage!

See ya next Monday ( for a smutty chapter! ;p)

I'm posting chapter 3 NEXT NEXT Monday (March 4th) since I couldn't wait to get this out. and then I should be able to stay consistent every Monday since I have a few chapters already written up :D

#The Consort #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 fic #bg3 tav #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #astarion bg3 #astarion acunin #astarion x tav #astarion angst #astarion fanfic #astarion smut #astarion x reader #astarion #astarion series #ascended astarion #spawn tav #Spotify

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fastidious-fusarium · 2 months

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So i was thinking about the whole solarpunk chobani oatmilk ad (as depicted here) and a comment someone made in a different post (that I now can't find) where they said something along the lines of (paraphrasing) 'the marketing people at chobani being unable to imagine a future where their brand had ditched single-use containers in favor of a sustainable alternative'. And I started thinking how will food packaging look like in the solarpunk utopia?

Modern food packaging responds (mostly) to the needs of the globalized supply chain, where food products need to be moved great distances without being damaged and while taking up as little space and energy as possible. Packaging also needs to be made of the cheapest materials available, hence the preference for disposable containers made of light materials (cardboard, plastic, aluminium, paper, etc.). You don't want your package to be worth more than what it contains (although with some food products, that is close to being the case).

The comment I referenced earlier suggested using reusable glass containers as an example of a sustainable alternative to single-use containers. That makes sense, and there is historical (and current) precedent for such kinds of food containers. Just ask your parents (or grandparents, I guess) how milk used to be delivered to homes in the good ol' days.

In a more recent example, some places still use reusable (returnable) containers for products such as beer and (even!) Coca-cola, where you pay an initial fee for the container and get reimbursed once you return it, or you can exchange the empty container for a full one by paying the price of the product minus the container fee.

This solution, however, is still within the framework of the global supply chain of modern capitalism. In the solarpunk utopia, the goal would be to reduce (reuse, repair, recycle) the breadth of our current supply chain by prioritizing local consumption and disinsentivizing long-distance trade.

This train of thought led me to the question of wether processed, pre-packaged food would even be a thing in the solarpunk utopia. After all, if we are trying to consume only what is locally sourced, one of the main purposes of preserved (and thus packaged) food goes away. No need for bottled orange juice when you can just go to the commons bin and grab a kilo of fresh oranges to make your own.

Further, once there is no capitalism, the "convenience" angle of processed, packaged food also appears to go away. You don't have to work 9 hours a day, 6 days a week anymore. You have the time and resources necessary to make your own damn fresh orange juice, so why bother with the bottled stuff?

Well for one, not everything is as easy and convenient to do by yourself as orange juice. Fermented foods (cheese, wine, beer, soy sauce, even pickles and yogurt), bread and pastries and cakes, carbonated drinks, jams and marmalade, butter, mayonnaise, cured meats and fish, and (yes) almond milk are all tricky to make properly, take a long time to be made and/or are energy and resource intensive. The need for these kinds of foods will remain as long as we are human and find pleasure in eating and trying new things. Also, the need for mass-produced food does not go away with capitalism, after all we have a population of 10 billion humans with different dietary needs that need to be fed. Food safety standards must still be enforced and probably will be even more stringent when corporate profits are no longer standing in the way of progress.

To add to this, a localized supply chain will make food preservation even more important. After all, if you want your population to survive mostly on what can be produced in a 100 km radius, you will have to prepare for food scarcity. Droughts, floods, earthquakes, blizzards, accidents, and even just regular ol' winter (once we've rescued it from the clutches of climate change) don't care how solar your punk is. They will wreck your food supply and your utopia needs to be ready.

So the need for packaged food will remain. The need for food that can stay in a cupboard undisturbed for months (if not years) and remain edible (and reasonably palatable!) will continue to be there.

With all this in mind... what does food packaging look in our solarpunk utopia? Single-use plastics have gone the way of the dodo, as have single-use paper, cardboard, aluminium, glass, and steel. What has replaced them?

I have some ideas, but this post is already ridiculously long, so I'll save them for later. All I'll say for now is I think glass containers are not the way to go. Glass is heavy, fragile, a poor thermal conductor (so heating and cooling processes with glass containers are energy innefficient), and takes up a lot of space. It is also very resource and energy intensive to produce and recycle (so not the most environmentaly friendly in that regard either).

What does a reusable aluminium container look like? That'd be cool I think.

#food science #solarpunk #long post #rant #science #gradblr #my posts

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