#Don't want this life if it's just suffering 95% of it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spacebarbarianweird · 5 months

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I've found a few fics that hc that Astarion purrs when he's happy (Catstarion supremacy lol). Do you think he might if he felt safe enough with Tav?

I am 100% on board with that! I know that bats purr a little bit different from cats but it's not like bats=vampires.

Masterlist

Headcanons

Purring Astarion

Vampires can purr.

They purr when they are safe, happy, and content.

Like cats.

But have you ever seen a happy vampire?

Never. It's as rare as a vampire who can walk in the sunlight.

They suffer. They starve. They hate themselves.

They are tortured. Beaten. Hunted.

They are never safe enough to do so.

Astarion's life used to be hell. There wasn't a single good thing in his pathetic existence.

But he is free now. Cared. Loved.

He can do whatever he wants.

And he isn't alone. He has a person to hold, to talk to, and to share his feelings with.

Who can sit for hours playing with his curls while he trauma-dumps them about the most horrible events of his life.

Astarion learns about new ways of intimacy - bathing together, holding hands, cuddling.

One day, he wakes up after an especially bad nightmare. He doesn't remember what exactly he saw, but it was so unsettling he scratches his skin with his sharp nails.

When you return and see Astarion like that, you place him above you like a weighted blanket.

Pressing his head against your chest and stroking his back.

Your heartbeat and breathing soothe him, and he stops crying.

You lie like that for what seems like an eternity in silence.

He is happy.

At this moment, he realizes that the last six months have become a counterweight to two hundred years of misery.

Astarion relaxes and feels like falling asleep.

You hear a weird sound, as if there was a big cat beside you.

Purring.

You hug Astarion tighter and realize the purring comes from his chest and throat.

He probably isn't even aware of it.

The sound is nice and pleasant, but the very idea is hilarious, and you burst out laughing.

"What - What is this?" Astarion elbows up, staring at you. "Did I do something wrong?"

There is a weird sensation in his throat, and he shakes his head in disbelief.

"You were purring! Like a cat!"

Astarion is shocked.

It's not like he is fond of the idea that his body reacts so openly to feeling good.

(As if having an erection any time you do something playful wasn't enough to embarrass him).

But all his doubts fade into the background as he realizes how much you like it.

It's like having a big cat in your bed who doesn't try to run away if you squeeze it too hard.

And it's a good indication if Astarion really feels good or just pretends.

Sometimes, you think he feels off, only to hear soft purring from his chest.

Sometimes everything is great, but you don't hear this pleasant vibration.

And you also soon realize that if you make Astarion sit between your thighs, his back pressed against your chest, and start playing with his ears and curls, he immediately starts purring.

Safe, loved, protected. Like a happy cat.

Bonus:

You and Astarion have a dhampir-daughter

You two wonder how many vampiric traits your daughter has inherited.

Will she be able to walk on ceilings? Will she have fast regeneration?

You will find it later, but now you have a newborn girl, who isn't really fond of the idea of being pushed into this unpredictable world.

Once you finish the first breastfeeding session, the girl closes her dark eyes…

And start purring like a tiny kitten.

Tag list @tragedybunny @caitlincat-95 @tallymonster @astarionsbeloved @lumienyx @fayeriess @elora-the-slutty-songstress @veillsar @astarion-imagine-archive @micropoe10 @starlight-ipomoea @herstxrgirl @theearthsfinalconfession @ashrio20 @not-so-lost-after-all @vixstarria @wintersire @marcynomercy

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not-the-cheese · 10 months

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one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2

(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys

the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise

----

61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.

62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.

63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.

64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider

65. mmm crumchy

66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video

67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast

68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!

69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.

70. reverse death note

71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway

72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten

73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus

74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee

75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"

76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences

77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom

78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him

79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors

youtube

80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner

81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar

82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you

83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display

84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(

85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?

86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.

87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.

88. guys i think this guy likes to dig

89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!

90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)

91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars

92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay

93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz

94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor

95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.

96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?

97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole

98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶

99. another one bites the dust

100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)

101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory

102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG

103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.

104. pennywise stole my brother's skin

105. it's world war z baby

106. Something Big Is In Space.

107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there

108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.

109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires

110. yeah man those spiders be eating

Part 1 |

#tma #i hope this convinces you to listen to tma #the magnus archives #sasha james #jon sims #podcasts #gay podcasts #elias bouchard #peter lukas #melanie king #gerard keay #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #funny #one sentence summaries #sillyposting #Youtube #queer

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stilllivinginhalliwellmanor · 19 days

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What are five unpopular opinions you have about Charmed?

This is the first ask I've ever gotten! I'm very excited but a little nervous that my UOs will annoy the few mutuals I'm lucky enough to have :) Here we go...

While I love aspects of every season (yes, even S8!), season one is my favorite of the series. It suffers from some inevitable rookie season clunkiness, but I love the overall tone and feel of it. Getting to watch the sisters first discovering their powers and reconnecting with one another is such a joy. As a mystery junkie, I also really like how Andy's presence as Prue's significant other and a detective gave the season a few minor crime/mystery elements. S1 is second only to S2 as the season when I love Phoebe most, and S1 Piper is my very favorite Piper of the series. Oh, and S1 Leo is utterly adorable :)

I don't really like P3, the so-called 'hottest club in town' lol. I could never envision Piper as someone who'd even enjoy going to loud and crowded nightclubs, let alone owning one and having to spend nearly every single evening there. I know the show wanted an excuse to showcase music, but most of it happens to be music I don't particularly like. And it's not like Piper seemed to really enjoy owning and running P3 - her passion was always cooking, and more often than not the club just became another item on the long list of stuff she was perpetually stressed about. I don't know, for some weird reason I just preferred seeing the sisters hanging out at home or at a place like Quake.

I completely understand why Phoebe/Cole is an OTP for so many, but they just never really resonated with me, and I personally dislike the impact that Cole's presence had on Phoebe's character arc and the show's overall tone. But obviously shipping is very subjective. I hope my Phole-loving mutuals aren't rushing to hit the unfollow button!

I know we talk a lot about how Piper changed throughout the series, but my UO is that Phoebe changed far more drastically. The Phoebe we got for the first 2.5ish seasons is literally among my very favorite television characters ever, but in mid to late seasons she was almost unrecognizable to me. It's not as if I ever dislike her, but so much of what made Phoebe's personality and outlook on being a witch unique to me was either stripped away or given to Paige (because the show apparently believes that sibling age order determines 95% of someone's personality- even when some of those siblings first meet as fully developed adults lol). I could never dislike Phoebe and she's still very important to me, but her core personality traits, values and even day-to-day mannerisms just seemed entirely different to me in mid to late seasons as compared to her early season self.

I love Paige's S7/S8 brown hair much more than I liked her blonde or red hair. This is a highly controversial opinion among my few real life friends who also watched the show :)

#thanks so much for sending me an ask!#charmed #anti phole #anti phoebe x cole #prue halliwell #piper halliwell #phoebe halliwell #paige matthews #unpopular opinions #sorry if these answers were awful and please politely ignore the many grammatical errors!

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shinestarhwaa · 8 months

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THE BOY WHO GOT MISUNDERSTOOD || JUNG WOOYOUNG

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut

Pairing: Wooyoung x Fem reader

Word Count: 2.3K

Tags/Warnings: College AU, Several Mental health issues (Mentions of Depression, ED, SH, Su*c*dal tendencies > Please do not read if you are too sensitive for these topics and seek help if you suffer from these ❤️), bullying, unprotected sex, fluffy sex, virgin!Wooyoung, handjob, fingering, tiny bit of orgasm denial

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @lemonhongjoong @changbinslovelylegs @jonghostie @lovjensoo @1-800-shedevil @glintneon123

ENJOY!

They acted like he was a danger to society. All of them. You never really understood why, but that's the way it simply was at Samson University. Even the principle, grandson of the university's founder, mr. Samson didn't like to get close to him.

No one did.

The boy was in your class this year and somehow he fascinated you. He wore big baggy clothes all the time, usually they were black but once in a while he wore this big Red hoodie. It seemed to be his favourite. You wondered what he looked like in lighter clothes.

He bit on the end of his pen, a nervous habit of his. He nearly chewed off a dozen pens in only two months time. His legs bounced often and he twisted his rings a lot. Anxiety? Maybe.

A lot of people gossiped about him. Technically, 95% of the university gossiped about him. The other 5% were too wasted to even think. They said he was dangerous, cursed even. That he'd have magical powers that he used for evil causes; black magic.

"Have you heard about the unconcious girls found near the dumpsters? Must've been that creep."

Another story came to life in the back of the classroom. You slightly turned your head to see Elsie and Lando gossiping, again. They were your friends but you didn't always agree with them.

Mr. Patterson stood in front of the class and shushed them, even though he snickered a little bit. You swore you could see Wooyoung shrink with every snarky comment coming at him.

You couldn't believe someone so beautiful could ever cause any harm. He has deep brown eyes that seemingly hold the universe. His jaw is sharp, probably after weight-loss. He was chubbier when he arrived here. His nose is quite prominent, you liked it.

"Do you think he ever killed someone?" Elsie giggled from behind you. You glared at her, sighing deeply. "Elsie, you cannot just go around and say stuff like that, you know nothing about him."

"Oh, look who's a saint now. Why do you care, Y/N? It's just a little creep. I heard he-"

"Elsie, I don't wanna hear it," you sighed as you turned back. You locked eyes with Wooyoung for a split second. His eyes are so kind.

He looked away again, as mr. Patterson dismissed the class. You walked out first, pissed off at Elsie and everyone else who was being unfair to him. Were you blind? Stupid? Why couldn't you see it?

You saw him walking back to campus later that day. He looked like he was shaking. Maybe he was crying. Your feet froze, even when you wanted to be open-minded, you remembered the things Elsie said earlier. Maybe he was dangerous.

•

"Does anyone know the answer to question 4B?" Mrs. Milburn asked, looking into the class. Only Wooyoung raised his hand. "No one? Has no one studied at all?" She asked, disappointed and ignoring Wooyoung.

Wooyoung sighed and kept his hand up. "Mrs. Milburn. I am right here," he spoke. She didn't reply. He got up from his seat and stood in front of her, but mrs. Milburn backed away.

The whole class let out an 'ooh', maybe a few distant giggles, but you felt your heart sting. But it was so hard to step up and do something when your opinion was different from the others'.

"No one else has hair like that, you freak, you're probably gonna go back to the dumpsters again and hurt a few more students," Vince yelled from the back of the class. You saw something crack in Wooyoung's eyes this time.

The rest of that week he didn't show up in class.

It seemed like you were the only sane one, the only one who wondered where he went, why he had the blonde in his hair, like no one else. If he says he didn't dye it, would it be magic?

The week after that he showed up again, eyebags bigger than usual. He had the red hoodie on and you smiled softly. His gaze met yours from across the room but he froze when he saw your smile. You felt confused as he quickly made his way to the bathroom. Did you do something wrong?

Wooyoung got in trouble again the next day, the principal called him out on his hair, saying he shouldn't go around wearing that ridiculous color. Wooyoung tried to explain he couldn't help it, he was born with it and he couldn't dye it due to his sensitive scalp and his allergies.

You felt for him as all the people laughed at him, didn't understand him. Was he speaking the truth? Who was he? Was he the scary boy who had secret powers, or just an ordinary boy with a little genetic fault?

•

On Friday there was a party at someone's house; Cameron's parents were out so he invited the entire year to come party. You were there as Elsie had dragged you along. You kind of hoped Wooyoung would be there, just maybe.

And apparently he was, as chaos arose as he was acknowledged. "Get out you freak, you don't belong here!" People yelled. Girls screamed, running to their boyfriends. Wooyoung froze again. His eyes no longer sad, but just empty.

Wooyoung ran away, and as the others continued partying you followed him. He walked into the huge backyard and stood in front of the pool. You frowned as you got closer. Suddenly he jumped in there and you waited for him to come to the surface again.

Seconds passed and Wooyoung didn't resurface, and when you saw Wooyoung resisting gravity you didn't waste any more time and you jumped in, taking a hold of his waist and pulling him up with ease. The boy was light like air.

He panted and coughed as you helped him on the edge. "What are you doing? What do you want from me?!" He yelled. "I'm not gonna let you drown yourself, Wooyoung!"

"I-I wasn't, I was just... I wanted to escap- Did you say my name?" "Yes... Why?" "Nobody says my name," he whispered. "I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you when..."

"But you did... You're the only one who came even close to standing up for me... Or is this all an act? Are you trying to tempt me into hurting you like I supposedly did to the other girls?" He scoffed.

"No, no, Wooyoung. Please, hey let me take you home, get you some clean, dry clothes. Can I call anyone? Your parents? Siblings?"

"I only have my mom, I don't live with her," he explained. You sat next to him and laid your hand on his shoulder. "Can we still call her?" You asked gently.

"She's dying, Y/N, she suffers from Dementia and she's way too fucking young. Anyway, it doesn't matter. She doesn't recognize me and I scare her. So technically I am alone."

You felt your heart ache for him. "Come with me," you spoke. You stood up and reached out your hand. Wooyoung hesitated but took your hand in his. Before getting in your car you stole towels from Cameron's bathroom which you put on the carseats.

After a few minutes you arrived at your aunt's house. "I have the key to my aunt's house, she's on holiday and I'm babysitting her cats Mac and Whopper."

"Aren't those burgers?" Wooyoung asked as you got into the house. "Yep, she has an unhealthy obsession with them."

You ran upstairs to get some clothes from your uncle and you gave them to Wooyoung. He got dressed in the bathroom as you changed into your aunt's clothes in her bedroom.

Downstairs you made him tea and brought him food and a blanket. "Why are you doing this?" He asked, on the verge of tears. "Because I think you get unneccesary hate, it's nonsense. I know I haven't exactly done nothing so I'm not a saint but... I believe you."

"But you'll lose your friends if you're nice to me. Everyone will think you're crazy." "Then I'll be crazy," you smiled softly. "I can't let you do that, Y/N, I'm not that important. I'm just a freak."

You slightly brushed your fingers through his hair, stroking the blondes. They felt regular. He was just like everybody else. You smiled, but Wooyoung was crying as you touched his hair.

You took him in your arms and let him cry, cry out heavily, and you cried with him. "Nobody wants me, I could easily die, no one would miss me, no one. It's just hair! Why do they think I'm a freak? All those crimes happening... that isn't me!" He protested.

Nodding, you pulled him in even closer. "I know, I know, they're not making any sense. But I don't want you to die," you spoke gently. "I'll be there."

You held him as he slowly calmed down. You noticed he hesitated to eat. "Do you have an ED, Wooyoung?" You softly spoke, trying not to trigger him. Wooyoung fell silent, and it was enough to answer your question.

"Do you think you could take one bite?" You suggested, still holding him. "There's no point in it, I'm gonna die anyway." "Someday, when you're old, but not now. You're gonna live. Let's live, Wooyoung," you smiled.

•

You kept it on the low at first, your contact with Wooyoung. He scared easily and you didn't wanna lose your status at school like that. Yet you hung out with him all the time after classes, learning about each others' stories.

"You know that I've never had sex before because everyone thinks I'm dangerous?" Wooyoung confessed. You smiled gently and brushed your fingers through his hair. "Do you want to change that?" You grinned.

Wooyoung blushed. "I do, but I'm too full of scars, Y/N, no one could love me when I look like this," he sighed, "but I'm just a boy. I get feelings, I get excited, just sometimes."

Gently, you reached for the zipper of his hoodie, slowly bringing it down. "W-Wh-What are you doing?" He protested, covering himself up immediately, but you had already seen it. The boy was skinny and his arms were wounded, partly wrapped up in bandages.

"I'll love you no matter what you look like, Wooyoung," you confessed. You locked eyes and immediately knew. Wooyoung was putty in your hands.

Your lips collided and bodies intertwined as you made out with him. A tear fell down his cheek but he persevered, finally feeling loved, finally feeling embraced, finally feeling understood.

You brought him to your room and you undressed each other and laid naked in your bed. "May I touch you, Wooyoung?" You asked, and he nodded.

Your hand slowly wrapped around the base of his hardened cock. His body tensed when your thumb touched his sensitive slit. "Try to relax, try to let go, sweetheart," you cooed. You slowly pumped his cock up and down and he let out the most beautiful moans. As you sped up his moans grew louder, and you loved how vocal he was.

His cock was beautiful and thick, veins running from the base all the way to the tip. "You're so gorgeous Wooyoung, you're so loveable," you spoke as you moved your hand faster.

Wooyoung's moans got whinier, louder and he squirmed, signalling you that he was close to orgasming. You stopped and brought his hand to your pussy. You guided two of his fingers inside you, breathing heavily.

His fingers were long and skillful, picking up the things you liked right away. "Yes, yes just like that, curl them- Yes! Right there," you moaned, throwing your head back. Wooyoung's fingers sped up and hit your favourite spots repeatedly, making you moan out his name.

"That's so good baby, yes, yes, I fucking love that, keep going, keep going!" You cried out. Wooyoung panted and looked at you in awe as he watched you slowly unravel on his fingers. Just as you're about to cum you stopped him, sinking down on his rigid cock.

You moaned loudly and arched your back as you rode him, his hands sliding from your hips to your thighs. Your moans collided, creating a beautiful melody.

"Wooyoung, Wooyoung," you moaned, chanting his name over and over again. "Y/N, please! Please, I'm gonna cum!" He cried, body shaking ever so slightly, cock twitching inside you.

Before you could say anything he burst, cumming deep inside you and filling you up. You moaned, being send over the edge. You clenched on his cock as you came hard, orgasm taking over your body and mind.

You collapsed on Wooyoung's chest and he held you. You held each other, until the sun set that day.

•

As soon as you publicly showed your support and attention for Wooyoung, you were an outcast. Everyone thought he either kidnapped you and threathened you or he used his 'black magic' on you.

Now you were bullied as well and Elsie and Lando had completely turned their backs on you. Wooyoung and you were alone in this world.

You sat in a field on a Saturday in June. The sun was slowly turning the sky orange as it dropped lower and lower.

"Why don't we run?" Wooyoung asked you, taking your hand. "Run?" "We could run, we could travel the world, start somewhere new, somewhere we'll be accepted, somewhere we'll be loved," Wooyoung spoke as he caressed your cheek.

You smiled and looked at him. His smile was bigger than ever and he was dressed in white and blue, bringing out his beautiful skintone. He was lighter, enlightened even.

"You want to run with me?" "Let's leave everything behind, run into the unknown," Wooyoung smiled, "I am finally happier, now that I have you. I am not afraid, I do not wanna hurt myself any longer, I won't wear black, I'll be happy, and free!" Wooyoung exclaimed.

You laughed and took his hands. "Where do we go?" "Where the sun leads us, Y/N," Wooyoung smiled. And you knew, you'd be fine with him.

Your special boy. No longer misunderstood.

#kpop #ateez #wooyoung #angst #fluff #starshinehwaa #smut

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randomfoggytiger · 2 months

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Collector's Edition: Bill Scully, MSR, and Pain (Part I)

How to melt the Abominable SnowBilly, Season 2 through Season 7 (IVF arc not included.)

**Note**: I had to eliminate fics not specifically related to an illness or injury because the word capacity on Tumblr is uncharitably short.

Loose chronological order below~

SammyLovesASOIAF's I Don't Want You Like A Best Friend

He chuckled to himself. The Scully siblings were a weird juxtaposition of different traits. Bill Jr. was strict, Melissa was carefree, Scully was careful, and Charles—well, he was always in absentia.

AU-- Post One Breath Mulder is almost creamed by a firework before Bill Scully saves him.

@living-in-unreality/@television-overload/ContentsPriceless's beautiful (Ao3)

The pieces slowly come together in his mind, everything he knows about Fox Mulder. His mother must have seen it long ago, hence her willingness to help him this morning. And he would have stood in the way.

Bill Scully can see the love in Mulder's attempts to paint on Scully's makeup for her.

MldrItsMe's A Favor

“Should Dana be out of bed?” Bill grumbled.

Mulder involuntarily squeezed Scully a little closer to himself. “She asked me to,” he said. He thought better of adding “hold her” and just let the situation speak for itself.

AU-- Redux II Scully is suffering on her deathbed: 96 pounds and swiftly losing independence.

@scully-loves-ruthie's cancer arc: mulder sneaks a dying scully out

Bill will storm into her hospital room after, a firecracker beneath a teacup ready to explode sending the fine shards of his rage into the newlyweds. He’ll find himself frozen his fuse stamped out at the sight of his sister’s frail and fading body wrapped like a puzzle piece inside Mulder’s arms, the couple sound asleep.

AU-- Redux II Bill doesn't rip Mulder's head off after finding out he and Scully were quickly married.

intrepidment's Bill and me

"You had talent for medicine, Dana, everyone admitted that. You would've had every right to be haughty, but you never flaunted your talent then. Then you changed your mind, you became an investigator, and suddenly you're this overconfident professional."

I opened my mouth to rebuke him, but I had to admit he was right. Somewhat.

Post Redux II Bill and Scully have a siblings' semantics fight over Mulder's napping body.

amorfati3215/Amorfati32’s (FFN) Number 9 for the dialogue prompt.

Mulder hasn’t got very far when he hears Bill call out, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

Post Redux II Bill gives Mulder his version of a blessing.

@lotsoforangesoutside/@lotzzoforangezoutside‘s (Ao3) Seven Pound and Six Ounces (Ao3)

He’s never held a day-old baby before this one.

And now, Fox Mulder can proudly say that he has held one, changed his diaper, and napped with the tiny thing like a log in the cradle of his arm.

With his other arm held by one Dana Scully, his hand holding hers. On the sofa in her big brother’s living room.

Post Emily Bill lets Mulder and Scully be.

soverysesual's The Truth Not Considered

He frowned as he observed the scene in front of him: his sister was sitting up, her head resting in an awkward position as she dozed, the mug of tea precariously balanced in one of her hands, while Mulder held her other hand grasped between both of his, as if he was clinging to her for dear life.

Post Emily Bill (reluctantly) helps Scully get comfy next to Mulder.

Marguerite's (Ao3) When the Bough Broke

Bill is standing between us and the embers of last night's fire. Scully has not stirred; I still keep her within the circle of my arms. Her brother's face is unreadable. I make a helpless gesture with my hand, but he stops me and points to my face. It's still wet with tears.

Post Emily Bill finally understands and becomes comrade-in-arms.

pen-paper-aliens/theficisoutthere/aka PPA's 95 ❤️

She’s still holding that hand when we walk in, nobody notices, or if they do, they don’t care. Bill notices too, but even he doesn’t say anything. What do you say to a mother who lost a child she never knew?

AU-- Post Emily Bill lets his sister find comfort in her partner.

Jen's (mulderscreek)

Christmas Eve & Airports and Christmas & Mrs. Scully's House

"He's upstairs," Dana said and could swear she heard Bill mutter something under his breath.

AU-- S6 Scully convinces Mulder to join her and her family for Christmas and ends up nursing his unexpected strep throat.

@baronessblixen‘s (Ao3)

Christmas With The Scullys (Tumblr)

“My bed,” she says, just to clarify. She hears a clatter from behind her and doesn’t need to turn around to know that Bill is there and listening.

S7 Bill and Scully battle it out after she brings an injured Mulder to the Scully family Christmas party.

O Holy No - Chapter 7 (Tumblr)

“Where’s the guy?” he asks, chewing with his mouth open.

“Do you mean Mulder?” Her brother nods, stuffing more chips into his mouth. It reminds her of when they were teenagers and Bill, towering over her and Melissa, would steal their snacks and interrogate them, claiming it was his duty when their father wasn’t home.

AU-- Mulder and Scully, newly minted couple that they are, both fly out to Bill's house for Christmas... and are greeted with unexpected shenanigans.

Shoshana's

Almost Home (4/4)

"Hey, wife," he said, approaching her from behind.

Mulder wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder.

"I don't think Bill suspects a thing," she told him gravely.

AU-- Post Requiem Mulder is returned with ongoing medical complications; but that doesn't stop the leftover Conspiracy or Bill Scully's lingering concerns.

And salliejohns's

Mr. Mulder, Mother Maggie, and Empty Place Settings

It was a big risk, but it paid off well. We were able to establish contact with our old boss and he came through for us, sending Bill Scully, Jr. a cryptic message about his dry cleaning.

AU-- S9 Bill is happy to find his sister and her partner alive in California; but that doesn't erase the pain of losing touch with his mother while Maggie raises baby William in hiding.

Hestia01‘s (Ao3) The Next Great Adventure Chapter 1 and Chapter 5

"Bill, they're here!"

Bill looks around, now looking concerned for his mother's grip on reality. "Who's here?"

"Dana's here! She brought Fox along, too! You can't see them, but they stayed!"

Giving his mother a pitying look, he nods indulgently. "Sure, Mom, whatever helps."

AU-- The crack adventures of Mulder and Scully after death (Skinner hoarding their poster and Bill getting his comeuppance included.)

@incidental-ao3/incidental's

Keep It All the Year

“Where’d he go?” she asked. He shrugged.

“Got in a cab,” he said. “I don’t know where to.” Scully groaned.

“Maybe one of you should stay put so the other can find them,” he said, but she wasn’t listening at all.

“He left his phone at the hotel, I bet he went back to get it,” she said, barreling passing Bill down the stairs and grabbing the keys.

AU-- S6 Mulder is dragged out to Scully's torturous family Christmas in San Diego, where the franchise becomes a complete disaster all the way 'round (Diana included.)

bluesamutra's una via - Chapter 4, Chapter 5 and Chapter 6

Dana had been at death’s door before he showed up at the hospital with a computer chip and a story straight out of a Michael Crichton book. Bill had stood by in disbelief when she, a woman of science, trusted him enough to put it in her neck.

And yet.

And yet, he had watched from the shadows of her room, unseen, when Mulder crept into her room that same night and wept silently into her hand.

AU-- Post Amor Fati Bill Scully's family reunion takes a serious turn when Matthew almost drowns and Mulder injures his shoulder during the rescue.

@scully-eats-sushi/ijustknew's

You're Not Alone and You're Not Alone II

She’d barely stepped inside their mother’s home before Bill had started inspecting her injuries, making her instantly regret not wearing a turtleneck. He went so far as to grasp her chin and tilt her head up to get a better look at them. Irritated, she’d shoved his hand away and declared “I’m fine” before stepping past him to embrace her mother.

Post Millennium Mulder and Scully are navigating their relationship post episode, with their own personal complications as well as her family, profiling, and on-the-job demands.

Red0313's Nothing Breaks Like a Heart

We make eye contact. He knows I am awake. I can’t even fake it. This should be good. Kick a man while he’s down, literally.

“Mister Mulder, I see you’re going to be just fine. That seems to make my sister very happy,” he huffs. Something’s eating him up.

S7 Bill observes his sister's pain and penance after Mulder takes a bullet for her.

Susan Proto’s Barbecue Series 14, The - Labor of Love

She must have picked up Matty, because all I hear from him now are soft whimpers instead of hysterical crying. And then I hear her ask, "What happened, Bill?"

"He got hit by the Harley. He ran into the street and got hit by the Harley."

A Harley?

AU-- Mulder has been bullied by Bill for years, and finally sets his foot down after the other throws away his engagement ring.

@tatooedlaura-blog/tatooedlaura/Laura Sprys’s Always Been Yours

Mulder was out of the shower and in the kitchen helping Scully with a makeshift dinner when Charlie and Bill walked through the door. Scully's eyes swam again when she saw her older brother. Hugging her tightly, he looked over toward Mulder and nodded his head.

In shocked surprise, he walked over a shook Bill's hand, "hello again."

AU-- S7 Maggie is unexpectedly killed in a car accident; and Bill keeps to himself while Mulder prevents Scully from falling apart.

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

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ifuckinghatebriansella · 2 months

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interesting data points in the survey so far that i want to talk about:

-almost 90% of people surveyed identify as white

-83% are non-religious

-just under half of the people surveyed are over the age of 25, and 14% are over 30

-70% identify as queer in some way

-almost half identify as female, the other half consisting of male or non binary

-about a quarter of people live within 100 miles of NJ

-about half of the people surveyed discovered tfb between 2020 and 2023

-about 75% of people surveyed have been to at least one tfb concert

-the most popular type of merch owned is apparel, followed by physical media

-almost 80% of people surveyed use spotify

-about 95% of people surveyed had tfb on their spotify wrapped in some way in 2023

-about 70% of people surveyed don't have a tfb tattoo, but have intentions to get one

-just over half of the people surveyed discovered tfb on some form of social media

-about 60% report that they can play at least one instrument

-about 73% of the people surveyed suffer from mental illness or a disability

-about 87% of people know someone else in real life who also likes tfb

#the front bottoms #tfb #brian sella #mat uychich #surveys

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her-favourite · 3 months

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Closure - please read if you even remotely care about me

I have been having this feeling for months... that I regret ever becoming friends with E.

I only ever posted about the good and about the cutesy stuff but having her in my life (even tho she saved me, she helped me when I was most suicidal) really fucked me up. We had great moments together and she put me in not-so-great situations, emotionally.

There were times when I asked her to message me when she got home (when I knew she'd arrive home late) and she didn't. She she said she'd call me back, she rarely did which caused me intense anxiety. She pointed out flaws in the name of helping me better myself, these often turned into massive insecurities.

Last year, when I have already slept at hers a couple of time, when we were already close friends she full on forgot my birthday (24/02) which broke my heart as she was my main mother figure. When I brought it up she said her mental health was suffering. In contrast, I gave her silver jewellery just a few weeks earlier for her birthday. That whole ordeal really fucked me up and our relationship was never the same. I'm like 60% sure she won't remember my birthday this year... (She never really wore the silver jewellery I gave her which broke my heart because I wore the necklace with a pendant that she gave me every. single. day. For more than 2 years.)

She purposefully never said that she loved me. I told her that I needed that in a friendship, she knew that, yet she never said it.

She purposefully never introduced me as her friend when we met someone. Always as her exstudent. She knew it was important for me, yet she never did it.

It was always me initiating things, it was always me calling her to check up on her. She hardly ever reached out to me. I initiated I'd say 95% of our interactions.

When I left high school I asked her if we can have an adult friendship. She said yes. That wasn't true.

I told her handwritten things are my thing. I told her multiple times. I told her multiple times how happy I was when I got handwritten anything from other friends. Not once did she write anything. Not even a Merry Xmas card. Nothing.

Every time I told her something about N or T she kind of got jealous (I don't know if that's how she actually felt but it seemed like it) and always found something negative about their actions. Why did T as a married man talk to me like that? Why did N as an adult (buy this point I was already 19-20) talk to me about serious stuff) that way etc.

She had been in abusive situations. I thought that she deserved to be loved unconditionally. I thought that if she felt loved by me it's all by worth it. During a fight, I once asked her if she felt loved by me. She said no. That broke my heart to a million pieces because that means that it was all in vain. Whenever she said or did something that hurt me I justified staying because her feeling loved unconditionally was more important for me. And yet it was all in vain.

I learnt so many things from her, both as a person and also as a teacher. I'm so glad I had her in my life during my formative years but I think it's time I set up some boundaries and put a bit of distance between us.

There were multiple times when she messed with my mental peace to the point where I'd have full-on meltdowns, and would have very shit couple of days after our fights. Almost always I wanted to dramatically have a friendship breakup with her but I was afraid I'd be kind of flagged as childish for how I react. But I convinced myself that I just have to suck it up and that E is simply a tough-love and extremely honest type of person.

My heart feels like it's missing a piece. Throughout my high school years, I had (still have) very troubled, emotionally neglectful relationship with my parent's and I almost took pride in calling myself neither my father's nor my mother's little girl. But E's. She took on a motherly figure role in my life. Which is now ending.

I don't know how it may seem to other people, it may seem not that big of a deal but E really was my close friend, I probably knew all her close friends, she definitely knew mine, I have slept at hers multiple times, I even had a key to her flat for a brief time. I met her when I was 14 and now I'm about to turn 21.

One thing I want to add is, and I don't want to compare these two women because both are genuinely amazing (and E was amazing just not as a mother figure I think) , but I feel the most secure, reassured and genuinely liked with my mentor-mentee relationship with N even tho I've known N for a little less than one year.

I don't know how long this post is going to be in my drafts until I'm able to post it (and by that, accept these things.) If she forgets my birthday that'll probably be the last straw and I'll post it. 18/01/24

27/02/24: She forgot it again. I don’t know what to do.

#E #teacher attachment #tcc #teacher crush community #teacher crush #november 2023 #female teacher attachment #female teacher #closure #female teacher crush #favorite teacher #teacher

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thesweetnessofspring · 7 months

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What's your opinion of President Snow as a character in THG trilogy? Was he a great villain?

* Spoiler for TBOSAS *

After reading the novel, what's your opinion about Coriolanus Snow 'transformation' in the end?

Was it his nature or the way he was nurtured that led him to become the character we know?

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

Even though Snow was physically in the novels very little, he's still a major presence through his threats and surveillance. He's just the president in the first book, but come the start of Catching Fire he's playing games with Katniss and attempting to maintain control but failing. He's very realistically written as a villain who takes and accepts calculated losses--he isn't wanting to "destroy the world" but his method of maintaining order causes at least 95% of the rest of the population to suffer so the minority can be comfortable and a minority of the minority living lavishly and greedily (not unlike the world now...)

Personally, I think that if children are given a basic level of physical and emotional safety, they grow up into decent people. Yes, even people with *insert disorder here* even though it may take more work and self-awareness for them. So I think the majority of Snow's trajectory comes from nurture, not nature. Some people like to point out that "from page one" Coriolanus is thinking elitist, misogynistic, thoughts and therefore it's by his nature he's bad. However, these are all factors in Coriolanus's life up until page one of TBOSAS:

His father was a cruel man.

His mother was kind, and died with her new baby during an attack during the war

His father died

He endured starvation (to the point it affected his growth) and saw another adult resort to cannibalism to survive

Has grown up being told he's a Snow and therefore one of the best families in the world and yet-

Struggles to find food even ten years after the war, clothing, and has to lie and cover it up

Is in an elitist social circle that looks down on not just the lower classes, but others in that social circle

Was raised during a time of wartime patriotism and propaganda, including Capitol superiority and dehumanizing the districts, which is further supported at home with Grandma'am.

Wealth, war, and entitlement corrupted Coriolanus from who he might have been. Some people like to point out that Sejanus or Lucy Gray could have been a turning point for him, yet so much had already riddled his mind and influenced him. Not only his elite status, but the adults in his life. Grandma'am with her Capitol superiority, Dr. Gaul with her mentorship, Dean Highbottom with his antagonism, even Strabo with his attempts to become Capitol and use Coriolanus as an adopted son, who he wished his own son had been like. Others argue that Tigris wasn't like Coriolanus, yet while she had compassion for Lucy Gray, she didn't take action to stop the Games because she, too, was just trying to survive. Nor did she receive the same attention and grooming as Coriolanus did, both from the Grandma'am (who declared Coriolanus would be president one day) and Dr. Gaul. Additionally, as far as we know, Tigris was a stylist in the Games up to Katniss having memories of her. It's possible she was part of the rebellion from the beginning, yet Plutarch seems to be the Capitol instigator of the rebellion, so she came under it later in life, though when we're not sure. All that to say--she did participate in and benefit from the Capitol lifestyle and Snow name, too. We don't know what led her to turn things around herself, though I suspect there was some kind of "nurture" she received on top of her nature.

Obviously Snow still had his choices that he made and there were glimmers of a possibility to turn himself around. And part of him, no matter what, would have likely had issues with control and his own pride, but the circumstances around him really encouraged these nasty elements of his personality and fostered them into the dictator we know in the original trilogy, while very little supported any encouragement toward social justice.

#tbosas #coriolanus snow #curiousnonny #the hunger games

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flipping-the-coin · 10 months

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[Patient Report: OP-7845-91653]

[Authorization Requirement: Alpha]

[Document Status: Sensitive - 95% preserved]

[Listed Authorized Individuals: Primal Steward Ratchet]

[Overseeing Medical Personnel: - Primary Physician: CMO Ratchet - Secondary Assistant: First Aid]

[Session: #003]

═════════════════

I arrived at OP-7845-91653's residence on time as always. I was called slightly earlier than scheduled in order to tend to a serious bout of paranoia and self harm. Megatron was a pain as usual, constantly hovering over my shoulder like a fragging plague. The slagger won't even acknowledge my multiple lifetimes worth of medical skill. He calls me 'medic' instead of my official title, the one I fought denta and digit to claim. And he wonders why I refuse to offer him professional curtesy...

OP-7845-91653 was in a catatonic state by the time I finished conversing with Megatron. He was covered in all sorts of cuts and partially healed welds, all the damage quite obviously self inflicted. I had to bicker quite bitterly with Megatron in order to have access to OP-7845-91653 and to run a physical assessment. The murderer seems to think I will harm Orion given any opportunity. He's wrong. I would never hurt him, not so long as he is all that remains. I have a duty, one given to me by my Prime.

I am to watch over the Matrix, or I suppose in this case, the world my Prime left behind. Optimus cared about Orion despite everything that happened. He wanted Orion to be kept safe and to heal. I don't know why, I will never know why. I don't yet have all the details, I just know that Orion likely played a part in the suffering Optimus endured during his life. If only for that reason... I must continue on. I must... I can't just... It doesn't matter. Optimus Prime is dead. Orion Pax is all that remains, and even he is but a shadow of what he once was.

I welded the wounds shut and tended to any other injuries OP-7845-91653 sustained. They were all minor, but just to ensure he couldn't lash out, I pumped him full of sedatives before I began my work. I always have my field suppressors active when I visit him. His EM field attacks are brutal and without any control. Where my old friend learned to use his field so viciously is beyond me, but with all the anger there... I have suspicions. With that said, he remained docile and almost totally unresponsive during my work.

He looked almost lifeless in that sickening way Optimus did when he was hurting. His optics were dull, but lacked that bright white undertone that my Prime possessed when he was enduring the worst of his torment. OP-7845-91653's frame was still save for the gentle flutter of fans whirling within his ventilation systems, however unlike Optimus, his venting was even. Optimus's was always erratic and uncertain, almost like he was afraid to cool his systems. OP-7845-91653 hardly made a sound save for the odd muttering that I couldn't place. It was rather disconcerting, especially when what bits I caught were always about 'Don't touch him' and 'Please let me go' or 'Stop this, don't do this'. When Optimus was delirious enough to mutter, his were always... a plea, a near silent plea for it to stop.

It was its own form of torture to see these similarities, and it most certainly wasn't helped by Megatron looming behind me at all times as if waiting for an excuse to separate my helm from the rest of my frame. The fragger fully believes the stupid lies I told him to make him uncomfortable. It shouldn't make me so happy, but it does. He really is convinced I had my way with Orion's frame while Optimus inhabited it. Too bad he doesn't know I wasn't granted anything more than a simple embrace, and even that was rare to the point of every instance being clear as the light of the nearest star in my memory. I imagine if he knew he would laugh and rub my lack of courting success in my face, but unfortunately for him, I have the upper hand in this regard.

He won't know, because I won't tell him. Let him believe my ridiculous tale. It won't hurt anything now. Its not as if I can have Optimus anymore. Megatron took him from me by giving my Prime no other choice but to DIE for this Primus forsaken war to end. I think it a fair trade to make him suffer but a measure of my torment in exchange for having his love when I cannot have mine.

I am getting off topic again... OP-7845-91653 was fine to deal with. I gave him some medication, cleaned up his wounds, and gave Megatron a prescription. That was it. Orion Pax is still so out of his mind attempting to talk with him as I tried to in my prior session would be a futile effort. Once he is in his right mind... then I will ask. Then I will finally know.

Why was Optimus hurting? Why was he always in such agony?

Orion MUST know. He was there, he was watching. He has to know this... he must.

[Personal Note: I doubt these will be required for much longer. These reports are rapidly becoming my place of comfort. I can speak to no one on these matters and what I see. I can't...

Bumblebee is too young, too innocent. I would NEVER burden him with these grim thoughts of mine. Smokescreen was a youngling Optimus was fond of, I don't want to burden him either. The team are loyal, but they wouldn't understand. Besides, they are busy with their new functions. First Aid is a good assistant, but he too would never be able to comprehend my emotional turmoil.

These reports... they are a safe haven amidst the storm. A strange one, but a haven all the same. ]

═════════════════

[Assistant First Aid Report:

Medicine was delivered without issue again! Mr. Megatron was nicer this time and even let me come in for a bit to check on Mr. Pax. I made sure to be quick! What I saw was concerning, but I think Mr. Pax is getting better! He seemed more aware when I came by.

I brought him some more tea too. I think he liked that, but I couldn't really be sure. He was very tired and Mr. Megatron had me leave soon after.]

#maccadam #transformers #transformers prime #transformers prime au #two sides to a coin au #two sides supplemental writing #two sides supplemental patient reports #tfp ratchet #orion pax #megaop #megatron #optiratch #first aid

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hedgewitchgarden · 2 months

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Scattered throughout Germany are collections of what look like tiny houses surrounded by well-kept gardens. But people don't live in these small structures with flourishing yards. These are allotment gardens — a take on community gardens also known as Kleingarten or Schrebergarten. Originally developed to facilitate health and wellness, these gardens are described by The Local as a "a concept, a goal, a way of life."

In the early 1800s during a strong period of urbanization when many people had moved to the cities for work, impoverished families often had difficulty finding enough to eat. Some churches, city administrators and factory owners offered to lease them community land for a small fee so that they could grow their own food. These became known as Armengarten, or gardens for the poor, according to DW.com.

As urbanization continued, Dr. Moritz Schreber, a doctor and teacher from Leibzig, was concerned that children raised in the city would suffer both physically and emotionally if they didn't have more outdoor experiences. He proposed the concept of playgrounds where everyone could get physical exercise and enjoy the outdoors. Just a few years after he died, the idea gained traction and the concept of Schrebergarten was named for him, reports the Local.

The early spaces were mostly play areas on the outskirts of town. But families quickly realized there was value in the land and also began planting gardens in their outdoor plots.

While the kids ran around and soaked in all that fresh air, the adults grew vegetables for the family. But there was downtime for them, too. They pulled up their chairs and talked or played cards. The gardens evolved into a hub for relaxation and social life for everyone in the family. The gardens also became known as Kleingarten ("small garden") or Familiengarten ("family garden").

Most of the plots were converted completely to family gardens by World War I, and those plots helped a hungry populace survive both world wars, reports German Girl in America.

As the popularity of the gardens grew, laws were passed to keep leasing fees reasonable. The plots of land were kept in the family, passed down from generation to generation as long as the fees were paid.

Many of the gardens were located in relatively undesirable areas where most people didn't want to live, like along railroad tracks, airports and even on both sides of the Berlin Wall. They were usually grouped together in colonies, forming communities.

A way of life

Though they are no longer a necessity, Kleingarten are now considered a luxury or, some say, a key pillar to a recreational way of life.

These days, there are about 1 million allotment gardens in Germany and 95% of them are occupied, according to a study by the German Institute for Construction, City and Space Research.

The average age of a garden association member is 56, a drop in about five years since 2011.

"The allotment garden system continues to have a permanent place in the green and open space system of cities and fulfills important social, ecological and urban planning functions," the study authors write. "The allotment garden is rejuvenating: the generation change is becoming more noticeable ... The main reason for this is the increased demand from young households, mostly families with children, who are also becoming more international. In the big cities, club members are more often younger than in the smaller cities."

And these younger people appreciate the opportunity to be outdoors.

"Overall, this also reflects an increasing need to become more involved in nature and environmental protection and to use, secure and make green and open spaces, especially in the metropolitan areas, as places of rest and relaxation," the researchers write.

Garden laws and waiting lists

Gardens now are often so much more than just a few veggie plants. They can be elaborate spaces with loads of flowers, water features, barbecue grills and even the occasional garden gnome. They are spots for people to relax and socialize and enjoy the outdoors.

But it's not easy to just grab a plot and start growing. There's often a waiting list. According to the BBC, Berlin's gardens have a waiting list of 12,000 people, and it typically takes at least three years to get a plot.

And as attractive as the gardens might be now, with their colorful flowers and home-like accouterments, there are national laws to control what goes on in the plots. The garden huts can't be too big or used as residences, according to DW.com, and at least one-third of the garden must be used to grow fruits and vegetables.

But for many, the balance of rules versus relaxation is worth it, as generations mingle in the gardens.

"The amount of work that goes into taking care of the garden also makes you appreciate what you're eating — and makes you realize what's in season," Paul Muscat, 32, of Wedding, Germany, tells the BBC. "Except for the parks, there’s no immediate escape from the urban environment. This offers a reprieve from that."

Updated February 22, 2020

#gardens #germany #little gardens

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yurironin · 1 year

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same anon from the jealous junko post, thoughts on like what if mukuro never left? like she never went to fenrir

-95 (probs bc im gonna ask again lol)

i actually think about this quite often (and sometimes even the reverse) because i feel like that separation is a defining part of their lives and overall relationship so its fun to think about like. how it might work otherwise yknow???

anyways i think that right off the bat, they would be soooo much more codependent. the scenario i have in mind is that junko actively convinced/manipulated mukuro into staying, rather than mukuro never considering it in the first place. i imagine that since mukuro is so completely devoted to being at junko's command that it might end up. making junko a bit more declawed, but more toxic. does that make any sense?? she grows up relying on mukuro for everything and it ends up giving mukuro more power than she would normally have.

junko being anxious to be apart from mukuro but desperately trying to hide it is a concept i like a lot. she's used to having mukuro always be there and doing everything for her that she's practically lost without mukuro to serve has her anchor. so in that sense she's a lot less dangerous day-to-day, but immediately loses her connection to reality the second mukuro is elsewhere for more than a few hours. she is eaten alive by this gnawing pain, that the world is stupid and BORING and predictable and meaningless. this where you would really start to see her sadistic side coming out; burning people alive just to feel something other than her repressed feelings for mukuro. hell, she'd probably blame mukuro for making her feel that way and try to take away something she loved in a self-destructive rage. (aka what if she killed herself instead of mukuro because she wanted mukuro to suffer... just a thought)

likewise i think mukuro would end up making junko her whole purpose and identity (even more so than in canon) that she also feels similarly lost without junko. junko becomes her entire identity, its almost as if nothing exists beyond it. junko has sculpted and shaped her sister into the perfect, obedient, guard dog she always wanted. maybe she's not even the ultimate soldier anymore. that implies she has skills and a life outside of junko. no. its all for her. everything is for her. if junko wants mukuro to be a soldier she'll be a soldier. if she wants mukuro to be a cook, she'll be a cook. hairstylist, hacker, whatever. mukuro will read up and learn and be whatever junko needs her to be. she's thoroughly convinced that junko is some shy, helpless little sister who needs her big sister to take care of her with such devotion. she's overprotective, possessive. she's almost completely blind to junko's toxicity and manipulativeness. to her that's normal. it's more than normal, is an expression of true and utter love. if she doesn't abuse you, she doesn't love you. this is how mukuro comes to understand love.

i don't really know how to end this hopefully you enjoy my thoughts

#despaircest #asks #anon 95 #junko x mukuro #proship #shipcest #dspcst: jun.ko hcs #dspcst: mu.kuro hcs #danganronpa #junko enoshima #mukuro ikusaba #amanda.txt

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thestandardgirl · 1 year

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hello

I've been writing since forever. It's the only way I can express myself. When I was about 5 years old and didn’t know how to write, I once took a piece of paper and a pencil and took it to my mother, and I asked her to write down my memoirs like Emília from Sítio do Pica Pau Amarelo (a Brazillian TV show for kids). ''What memories do you have, you're only 5 years old'' was the answer I heard. I think I just wanted to record my life. I needed to write some things down before I forgot what I was thinking about.

so, ever since I learned to write, I have had my diaries and filled them with my anguish. When I was a teenager, I used to write on tumblr, because I was afraid my mother would read my diary (I caught her doing that once, but that's a topic for another day). I love to reread what I was feeling at a certain time in my life. the other day I was reading about how I was suffering from crush on a guy at school, more or less in 2015, and today I don't even remember who that guy was. I don't even remember his name, much less his face. funny how things work. will it be that 10 years from now I'll read in my diary about how I'm grieving for my breakup with my most current ex, and think ''wow, how silly of me, I don't even remember him properly''? I really hope so. because now it seems that this pain will never go away.

but anyway. about me and my writing. I am that person who avoids conflicts as much as possible. I don't know how to talk when it's time to fight, I don't know how to think under pressure, I don't like to talk. if someone yells at me, I cry. I decided to go for the academic route at university precisely for that reason. I like to research and write my findings. if you don't agree, you can write an article refuting me. if I find it pertinent, I write another reply. no face to face, no clash.

and I love to read. my favorite genres are fantasy and romance. 95% of what I read is fiction. I love living other people's lives, falling in love with vampires and fighting epic battles - things I wouldn't have the courage to experience in my real life. it hasn't been long since this desire arose, but I started wanting to write myself. create my own stories and perhaps support someone like my favorite authors support me. but I still don't feel ready for that. I think I still need to grow a lot with my writing. I'm insecure, and I'm afraid of finishing a project like this and not feeling comfortable with the end result - I think I also end up being too much of a perfectionist sometimes.

I'm also not a very creative person in the artistic sense of the word. I don't know how to play any instruments, or draw, or cut paper and create collages. no matter how hard I tried, and took classes in all sorts of activities, my brief dreams of being an architect or fashion designer or actress/singer were always just that: brief and dreams. but with writing it is not like that. I don't need fancy and specific materials, nor a gigantic idea right from the start; I can control and write little by little; I can go back to the beginning and change something without it compromising too much of the rest of the text.

that's why I'm here! I think writing these texts reflecting on my life is a good way to start this writing career - also because this is not my career, so unfortunately I'm not fully dedicated to writing and I have bills to pay…. and anonymity is also something that comforts me. for now, the only way for me to publish anything and not throw up with anxiety of people I know reading it, is under a pseudonym. I'm not ready for people to know me personally, and I'm afraid of possible confrontations for the truths I intend to write about.

in short: I haven't revolutionized anything yet, I haven't had any brilliant ideas to save the world, I haven't even figured out how to deal with my own insignificant problems. but I hope to find all of that. and also to find someone to talk about life.

yours sincerely,

standard girl

#journal #writing #university #thoughts #blog #diary #mine #journaling #girl blogging #girl blogger

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queers-gambit · 2 years

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HAPPY LATE OR MAYBE NOT LATE B-DAY!! Also could I req a Max Mayfield “everything reminds me of you, and it makes life so much harder. I don’t know where to look, or where to turn.”+ “don’t forget, history is written by the victors. dead men tell no tales.” + “holy shit! you’re flirting with me!?” Thank you!! - N

THANK YOU MY SWEET ANGEL!!! of course you can!! oof, the angst is real with these prompts! it's the way these dialogue prompts made me think 🥴 wonky brain go wonky!!

In This World, It's Just Us

requested - prompt 95: "holy shit! you're flirting with me!?" prompt 102: "everything reminds me of you, and it makes life so much harder. I don't know where to look, or where to turn." and prompt 103: "don't forget, history is written by the victors. dead men tell no tales."

pairing: Max Mayfield x female!reader fandom masterlist: Stranger Things word count: 1.3k+ warnings: no idea anymore. angst. mild internalized homophobia - it was the '80s, my dudes. my babies deserve better - sigh.

"Hey, what did you get for number 14? I was thinking the Revolutionary War, but now I'm not sure," you mumbled as your pencil scribbled notes and marks on paper.

A sigh came from your left, making you look up to see Max' uneasy expression. When her eyes caught yours, she sighed again and pushed her textbook away, "Can I ask you something?"

Closing your book, you nodded, "Anything that keeps me from thinking of this stupid war. What's on your mind?"

She shrugged, "Well... Look, I know it's not something people want to talk about a lot."

"Doesn't stop us from doing it anyways," you nodded, twirling your pencil between deft fingers. "Go on, Max, what's on your mind?"

She huffed, glancing around the pair of you before leaning in, "It could get us in trouble."

"More trouble than the government would put us in if we talked about You Know Where?" Your brow perked with a small smirk, cocking your head in wonder. "What's so bad that it's got you all tongue tied, babe?"

"THAT!" She yelped, cheeks blooming a wild blush color as her eyes bulged and she looked around the two at the single table in the back of the library. A few patrons casted them strange looks, making Max duck some as she repeated, "That."

"What?" You asked, shaking your head with earnest confusion.

"You - calling me names that - I don't know - "

"Oh," you trailed off, eyes wide. "You don't - you don't like me calling you nicknames?"

"No, I-I do, but it's - isn't it wrong?"

You shrugged some because truthfully, after having a long, in-depth conversation with Robin a few weeks ago, you didn't feel wrong anymore for who you were, what you liked - and who you chose to love, and maybe spend your life with. You felt more in-place than ever before, but perhaps you were too forward in your advancements?

Perhaps it made her feel uneasy? You didn't want that - you prided yourself on being Max' first (and possibly only) girlfriend besides Eleven in Hawkins. And the three of you were joined at the hips, marking a well-loved friendship that you valued too greatly to ever let suffer or jeopardize it's status.

"Doesn't feel wrong to me," you admitted, sheepishly glancing at your notes again. "But if you don't like it, I don't have to use them. I don't want you to be uncomfortable."

"That's the thing," she turned in her chair more, facing you with earnest attention. "I don't want you to stop."

"You don't want me to stop flirting with you?"

"Holy shit!" Max breathed, eyes wider than before. "You're flirting with me!?"

"Well, yeah, duh!" You scrambled to check your emotions; eyes darting around the nearly-empty library. "I thought you knew - I thought it was obvious!"

"Well - no - not really!"

Max appeared just as frazzled as you, both turning back for your studies as an awkward silence enveloped you both. When you plucked up the courage, you mumbled, "You know... It only feels wrong because of the way history is written."

"What do you mean?" Max asked gently, and your shoulders shrugged.

"History is written by the victors," you mumbled, "and dead men tell no tales. So, to history and all of us living in this country, the white, straight men rule all... Yet, those who don't fit that mold have found a way to speak through those who lost their lives to this fight before. We are not wrong for what we feel, but the victors who do not feel as we do would shame us into submission. Perhaps even try to outlaw who we are..."

You felt wrong for even sharing those words, but the idea that Max freaking Mayfield liked you back was too good to pass over; and though your words were cryptic, she seemed to understand what you meant between them.

Max nodded slowly, her eyes casting all over your face as your felt far too exposed for your liking. Heart bore on the table, ready for her judgement and slight of hand; you worried you'd crossed a line, but then her hand brushed over yours.

"I know that I don't feel this with anyone else," she nodded at you with meaning. "And that... Maybe a few deadmen are trying to speak through me now."

"Whatever you might feel is valid in the sense that you wouldn't feel it if not necessary," You tried to play off. "Those who came before us had to... Hide who they were, feel ashamed for simple emotion. It was never easy, and going forward, they will tell us we are still wrong, but... There is conversation of movements, of liberating those who might also feel deadmen trying to speak."

"How do you deal with it?"

The question caught you off guard because truthfully, you weren't confident how to answer. You knew your emotions were to be valued and treasured, yet you kept them close to your chest in fear of rejection. And now, with Max looking at you like that... You were at a loss over what to do; where to turn.

"Truthfully, Max, it's not easy," you whispered. "I am at a loss for what to do, what to think, because you're it to me. You are all my mind can focus on, and it drives me up the freaking wall, Max. You want to know how I deal with it?" You repeated, Max' eyes watering lightly from the show of hushed emotion before nodding mutely. "I don't deal with any of it - I'm mindlessly in love with you, and fear there is little I can do about it."

"But why is it so hard for you?"

"Because you're my best friend, but loving you hurts," your voice wobbled. "Because I know you do not feel the same, or that you are confused on what you feel. it's too late for me - because I'm too far gone. Everything reminds me of you, and it makes life so much harder. I don't know where to look, or where to turn - because all my mind thinks of it you."

"I... I knew you did not feel completely platonic towards me," she whispered, guilt plunging her gut. "I did not know what to do - "

"You didn't know what to do?" You repeated, suddenly angry. "So, what? You thought by tricking me, leading me into a conversation, you would find peace for your own soul - while forcing mine onto a chopping block?"

"I did not mean - "

"I know you didn't mean it, Max, but for fuck's sake," you stood suddenly, packing your bags, "use your head a bit. Look, I've got to go - "

"No, wait - "

"I can't be who answers your questions, Max, because I'm still asking my own," you interrupted her. "But I never once doubted the love I felt for you, and yet, I never wanted to jeopardize this friendship for the very same reason!" Her guilt was nearly tangible in the air between them. "If you've questions, ask them to yourself, because I'm a person, Max, with real feelings. Feelings that deserve to be treated with respect. Listen, I'll talk to you later, I have to go now."

"I'm sorry," she spewed, standing to follow you out. "Wait - please, I didn't mean to put you on the spot, I just - "

"You have questions of your own, and feelings of your own," you nodded in understanding, tears almost blinding you, "but so do I, and I cannot ask nor act upon them out of respect for you still figuring it out. Least you can do is extend me the same kindness."

Stunned, speechless, and feeling overwhelming fear and guilt for pushing you too far, Max was left to stare after you as you hustled from the library, down the stone steps, and hustling your step to walk through town and take you home. The whole time, you felt her eyes on you - until physically impossible - and the whole time, your own brimming with tears that would fall helplessly down your cheeks.

#max mayfield #max mayfield x reader #max mayfield x female reader #max mayfield x y/n #max mayfield stranger things #max mayfield x you #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things x reader

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gothixm00nz · 4 months

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I find it so funny how the ONE TIME I make an oc that doesn't have any severe trauma (she has low-level trauma due to depression and unfortunately sh) is a Spidersona / X-Men oc

this ended up being way too long, so feel free to skim it or even skip it. i ramble way too much jfc

Melanie Kulani Palakiko (she's Hawaiian! :)) is the spidersona I've had for a hot minute and I finally rewrote her storyline and even gave her a new appearance. In this new iteration of Melanie, she now exists in the Ultimate Spider-Man universe, but also the X-Men. Specifically the X-Men live action movies because I can do whatever I want. God gave me free will, it was a mistake. And yes, yes. I am fully away that 95% of my ocs are scene or emo, but I don't fucking care. I LOVE making ocs that look like they just walked right out of 2007! Plus for Mel, it works. Her story takes place from 2000 to 2014.

Mel has no trauma surrounding her home life, school, work, nothing. The trauma she does have is being heavily depressed and losing Peter (who is her best friend, fight me) I didn't want her to be traumatized. I wanted her and Peter to be analogous - or similar but not entirely the same. They both were bitten by an OZ corp spider (two different ones and Mel was bitten four months earlier), they both have a very strong sense of justice and a desire to save people, but that's where the similarities really end.

Peter is traumatized because he's lost so many people he's loved and he uses that to save others so nobody else will suffer, but Melanie has low-level trauma due to suffering from MDD (major depressive disorder) her entire life. Her mother, grandparents and aunt are still alive and safe, she doesn't know the pain of losing someone so near and dear to her. She just wants to help people because she can't bear the thought of people suffering when she could help.

That's why she went to the institute and joined the X-Men. But Peter does things his own way. That's what makes them such great friends, they're so similar yet vastly different.

Also sometimes it's nice to have a character who ISN'T drowning in immense amounts of trauma... Mel is just too precious to me to give her trauma. I love her so much bro 😭

(Off topic; another thing that sets Pete and Mel apart is the fact that Pete has beef with Wolverine, but Melanie is unabashedly in love with him.)

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waitingonthewind · 6 months

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Out of all your characters (from games or otherwise), which one do you think is the most like you? In what ways? Was it intentional, or was it an accident you only noticed after the fact?

(Feel free to delete if it feels too personal 🙈)

@undead-potatoes aaaaaa thanks so much for the ask!!! i don't love doing self reflection (i have a hard time in identifying things about myself and often rely on other people to Tell Me Who I Am) but i love talkin about my ocs so this ended up really big

ill pop the majority of this under the cut but here take an unfinished doodle of my first attempt at a fursona in this the year 2023 bc i finally had some insight into What That Might Be for me its a leafy sea dragon bc as a kid i loved dragons and also leafy sea dragons specifically and as an adult i love fish and plants and the colour green ok basics covered here we go

its a really tough one, especially since all my characters have huge parts of me in them (u point to one of my guys and there's a 99% chance they're queer and a 95% chance they're autistic), and the majority of my characters infect me with Their personalities and traits (speech mannerisms especially... i went about 3 years peppering the word gotcha into every other sentence bc of ollwyn. in terms of it being intentional, usually only one or two bits with each character. i try my best to give characters personality traits and interests that differ from my own, or at the very least mix and match bits and pieces.

sometimes i'll try and make characters that are so so different from me but then it backfires because it means that im far more likely to pick up that character's traits (i didn't swear at All in my whole life until i tried making a character outside my comfort zone who Did swear a lot and now fucking look at me). i also don't like doing my Research so going for interests that i don't know a lot about means i don't. know anything about them lmao.

i think it's impossible to have a character that isn't at least Somewhat like you, we draw from our own experiences and ways of seeing the world, after all. i know i put little pieces of myself into every character and it's hard to say if there's any One character that embodies me most.

almost none of my characters really look like me tho

all that being said i've narrowed down my entire list to three of note. all three are dnd or other ttrpg characters bc they're the ones that i find myself having to think most about in terms of how they Think and Feel in any given situation and over time would notice stuff about myself or about them that i didn't realise were related.

i think these days ollwyn wins out personality wise goofy, indignant, lonely, desperate for approval, and loud. they're stubborn and enthusiastic, needs to be centre of attention but doesn't want to take the lead. they don't have many friends but latch onto those they do make. i re-realised my rat dreams because of them. i made em a bard bc i was obsessed with music as an aesthetic.

i made em a half-elf because i didn't wanna be Too out there with character creation (back when i was a terrified lil new rp-er who hadn't touched dnd before and felt i hadn't Earned anything more interesting yet). then magic and stuff happened and they got all the over-the-top design elements i was too nervous to implement initially and even that feels representative of my Own growth in being more Out There with my aesthetics and personality (i.e. completely shutting off my social filter, not toning shit down so much anymore)

oh i know i said none of my characters really look like me but i almost never draw ollwyn with their mouth fully closed and i only realised like years later that it may have been just a mild lil projection of a habit. i got big front teeth and breathing issues and i find it uncomfortable to close my lips Most of the time lmao

my poor unfortunately named aasimar (it was 2018........ i promise...............) takes the cake when it comes to suffering the brunt of my neurodivergence and sensory issues, and represents a significant portion of the judgy parts of myself that i try not to let myself be. strong opinions, blunt, tone issues, big issues with food and touch. comes across as, and often is, very critical. the biggest difference between me and them is that they don't feel bad about those aspects of themself lol

where i spend every moment of my life either desperately concentrating on my wording so as not to come across as rude, or feeling shitty for coming across as blunt/aggressive in tone or phrasing (where 99% of the time i absolutely don't mean it that way im autistic pls im autistic if i wanna be able to get the Right words out the tone doesn't match and vice versa), corona just says what they want or what they think, and if people get offended, that's People's fault for not trying to make more of an effort to understand the way they talk.

sal is my Top Oc Of All Time and as such takes on a lot of random aspects of myself (skin picking, fidgeting, latent anxiety, All of the visual aesthetics i Wish i could pull off, my love of birds, my tendency to Mr Burns Posture my way through life. she's also very very australian), while also inflicting things on me lmao ive learned more about my gender from the years of playing her in her rp campaign than in the rest of my entire life. a lot of her experiences and dynamics with her friends and family reflect a lot of aspects of my own

i only want good things for her and constantly put her through fucking hell

anyway they're all So Much Weirder as people than I can really put on paper and in (relatively) different ways but i just know it all stems from the Who I Am of it all

bonus shout out to beki:

she was my homestuck fankid and first proper oc, which also meant that she was only about two steps away from a self insert. because i made her as a teenager, i feel the distance between us more each year, but im still very fond of her, in the same way i am for my teenage self. i wanna pat her head and tell her she's cool and not annoying and that her friends don't hate her and that things will be okay

i think it says a lot about me that all four of these guys fall somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum (almost in order of least to most aggressively aro/ace. ollwyn's a demiromantic greysexual, corona is demi + grey on both romantic & sexual orientations, sal's pretty much only interested in the One Guy Ever, and beki is sex repulsed, 100% aro/ace) lmao

#ask #undead-potatoes #oc #my oc #character talk #ole two toes sal #beki #ollwyn #i cant tag my aasimar #i just cant #idk if tumblr would block that shit ugh #i named em before it all i swear #ty so much for the ask i love talking abt my fuckin weird lil freaks

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