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#incidental-ao3
randomfoggytiger · 1 month
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Collector's Edition: Bill Scully, MSR, and Pain (Part I)
How to melt the Abominable SnowBilly, Season 2 through Season 7 (IVF arc not included.)
**Note**: I had to eliminate fics not specifically related to an illness or injury because the word capacity on Tumblr is uncharitably short.
Loose chronological order below~
SammyLovesASOIAF's I Don't Want You Like A Best Friend
He chuckled to himself. The Scully siblings were a weird juxtaposition of different traits. Bill Jr. was strict, Melissa was carefree, Scully was careful, and Charles—well, he was always in absentia. 
AU-- Post One Breath Mulder is almost creamed by a firework before Bill Scully saves him.
@living-in-unreality/@television-overload/ContentsPriceless's beautiful (Ao3)
The pieces slowly come together in his mind, everything he knows about Fox Mulder. His mother must have seen it long ago, hence her willingness to help him this morning. And he would have stood in the way.
Bill Scully can see the love in Mulder's attempts to paint on Scully's makeup for her.
MldrItsMe's A Favor
“Should Dana be out of bed?” Bill grumbled.
Mulder involuntarily squeezed Scully a little closer to himself. “She asked me to,” he said. He thought better of adding “hold her” and just let the situation speak for itself.
AU-- Redux II Scully is suffering on her deathbed: 96 pounds and swiftly losing independence.
@scully-loves-ruthie's cancer arc: mulder sneaks a dying scully out
Bill will storm into her hospital room after, a firecracker beneath a teacup ready to explode sending the fine shards of his rage into the newlyweds.  He’ll find himself frozen his fuse stamped out at the sight of his sister’s frail and fading body wrapped like a puzzle piece inside Mulder’s arms, the couple sound asleep.
AU-- Redux II Bill doesn't rip Mulder's head off after finding out he and Scully were quickly married.
intrepidment's Bill and me
"You had talent for medicine, Dana, everyone admitted that. You would've had every right to be haughty, but you never flaunted your talent then. Then you changed your mind, you became an investigator, and suddenly you're this overconfident professional."
I opened my mouth to rebuke him, but I had to admit he was right. Somewhat. 
Post Redux II Bill and Scully have a siblings' semantics fight over Mulder's napping body.
amorfati3215/Amorfati32’s (FFN) Number 9 for the dialogue prompt.
Mulder hasn’t got very far when he hears Bill call out, stopping him in his tracks. “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
Post Redux II Bill gives Mulder his version of a blessing.
@lotsoforangesoutside/@lotzzoforangezoutside‘s (Ao3) Seven Pound and Six Ounces (Ao3)
He’s never held a day-old baby before this one.
And now, Fox Mulder can proudly say that he has held one, changed his diaper, and napped with the tiny thing like a log in the cradle of his arm.
With his other arm held by one Dana Scully, his hand holding hers. On the sofa in her big brother’s living room.
Post Emily Bill lets Mulder and Scully be.
soverysesual's The Truth Not Considered
He frowned as he observed the scene in front of him: his sister was sitting up, her head resting in an awkward position as she dozed, the mug of tea precariously balanced in one of her hands, while Mulder held her other hand grasped between both of his, as if he was clinging to her for dear life.
Post Emily Bill (reluctantly) helps Scully get comfy next to Mulder.
Marguerite's (Ao3) When the Bough Broke
Bill is standing between us and the embers of last night's fire. Scully has not stirred; I still keep her within the circle of my arms. Her brother's face is unreadable. I make a helpless gesture with my hand, but he stops me and points to my face. It's still wet with tears.
Post Emily Bill finally understands and becomes comrade-in-arms.
pen-paper-aliens/theficisoutthere/aka PPA's 95 ❤️
She’s still holding that hand when we walk in, nobody notices, or if they do, they don’t care. Bill notices too, but even he doesn’t say anything. What do you say to a mother who lost a child she never knew? 
AU-- Post Emily Bill lets his sister find comfort in her partner.
Jen's (mulderscreek)
Christmas Eve & Airports and Christmas & Mrs. Scully's House
"He's upstairs," Dana said and could swear she heard Bill mutter something under his breath. 
AU-- S6 Scully convinces Mulder to join her and her family for Christmas and ends up nursing his unexpected strep throat.
@baronessblixen‘s (Ao3) 
Christmas With The Scullys (Tumblr)
“My bed,” she says, just to clarify. She hears a clatter from behind her and doesn’t need to turn around to know that Bill is there and listening.
S7 Bill and Scully battle it out after she brings an injured Mulder to the Scully family Christmas party.
O Holy No - Chapter 7 (Tumblr)
“Where’s the guy?” he asks, chewing with his mouth open.
“Do you mean Mulder?” Her brother nods, stuffing more chips into his mouth. It reminds her of when they were teenagers and Bill, towering over her and Melissa, would steal their snacks and interrogate them, claiming it was his duty when their father wasn’t home.
AU-- Mulder and Scully, newly minted couple that they are, both fly out to Bill's house for Christmas... and are greeted with unexpected shenanigans.
Shoshana's
Almost Home (4/4)
"Hey, wife," he said, approaching her from behind.
Mulder wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on her shoulder.
"I don't think Bill suspects a thing," she told him gravely.
AU-- Post Requiem Mulder is returned with ongoing medical complications; but that doesn't stop the leftover Conspiracy or Bill Scully's lingering concerns.
And salliejohns's
Mr. Mulder, Mother Maggie, and Empty Place Settings
It was a big risk, but it paid off well. We were able to establish contact with our old boss and he came through for us, sending Bill Scully, Jr. a cryptic message about his dry cleaning.
AU-- S9 Bill is happy to find his sister and her partner alive in California; but that doesn't erase the pain of losing touch with his mother while Maggie raises baby William in hiding.
Hestia01‘s (Ao3) The Next Great Adventure Chapter 1 and Chapter 5
"Bill, they're here!"
Bill looks around, now looking concerned for his mother's grip on reality. "Who's here?"
"Dana's here! She brought Fox along, too! You can't see them, but they stayed!"
Giving his mother a pitying look, he nods indulgently. "Sure, Mom, whatever helps."
AU-- The crack adventures of Mulder and Scully after death (Skinner hoarding their poster and Bill getting his comeuppance included.)
@incidental-ao3/incidental's
Keep It All the Year
“Where’d he go?” she asked. He shrugged.
“Got in a cab,” he said. “I don’t know where to.” Scully groaned.
“Maybe one of you should stay put so the other can find them,” he said, but she wasn’t listening at all.
“He left his phone at the hotel, I bet he went back to get it,” she said, barreling passing Bill down the stairs and grabbing the keys.
AU-- S6 Mulder is dragged out to Scully's torturous family Christmas in San Diego, where the franchise becomes a complete disaster all the way 'round (Diana included.)
bluesamutra's una via - Chapter 4, Chapter 5 and Chapter 6
Dana had been at death’s door before he showed up at the hospital with a computer chip and a story straight out of a Michael Crichton book.  Bill had stood by in disbelief when she, a woman of science, trusted him enough to put it in her neck.
And yet.
And yet, he had watched from the shadows of her room, unseen, when Mulder crept into her room that same night and wept silently into her hand. 
AU-- Post Amor Fati Bill Scully's family reunion takes a serious turn when Matthew almost drowns and Mulder injures his shoulder during the rescue.
@scully-eats-sushi/ijustknew's
You're Not Alone and You're Not Alone II
She’d barely stepped inside their mother’s home before Bill had started inspecting her injuries, making her instantly regret not wearing a turtleneck. He went so far as to grasp her chin and tilt her head up to get a better look at them. Irritated, she’d shoved his hand away and declared “I’m fine” before stepping past him to embrace her mother.
Post Millennium Mulder and Scully are navigating their relationship post episode, with their own personal complications as well as her family, profiling, and on-the-job demands.
Red0313's Nothing Breaks Like a Heart
We make eye contact. He knows I am awake. I can’t even fake it. This should be good. Kick a man while he’s down, literally.
“Mister Mulder, I see you’re going to be just fine. That seems to make my sister very happy,” he huffs. Something’s eating him up.
S7 Bill observes his sister's pain and penance after Mulder takes a bullet for her.
Susan Proto’s Barbecue Series 14, The - Labor of Love
She must have picked up Matty, because all I hear from him now are soft whimpers instead of hysterical crying. And then I hear her ask, "What happened, Bill?"
"He got hit by the Harley. He ran into the street and got hit by the Harley."
A Harley?
AU-- Mulder has been bullied by Bill for years, and finally sets his foot down after the other throws away his engagement ring.
@tatooedlaura-blog/tatooedlaura/Laura Sprys​’s Always Been Yours
Mulder was out of the shower and in the kitchen helping Scully with a makeshift dinner when Charlie and Bill walked through the door. Scully's eyes swam again when she saw her older brother. Hugging her tightly, he looked over toward Mulder and nodded his head.
In shocked surprise, he walked over a shook Bill's hand, "hello again."
AU-- S7 Maggie is unexpectedly killed in a car accident; and Bill keeps to himself while Mulder prevents Scully from falling apart.
Thank you for reading~
Enjoy!
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anistarrose · 18 days
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See, every time I see a "your icon vs" poll I wind up so conflicted, because I have no idea whether or not to count the tiny sliver of Hooty's birdhouse that's included in my Lilith icon, and Lilith may not be a slouch in a fight given access to harpy mode, but Hooty could still drastically sway some outcomes.
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normalbrothers · 25 days
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of course you can't translate ginger and brigitte's dynamic onto tommyandarthur: there's a glaring difference between teen girls on the cusp of sexual maturity and the anxiety that comes with it (plus The Subtext) and these two wretched middle aged men, but there's potentially something werewolf-like about arthur's alternatingly predatory and victimized sexuality, how he both relishes in the lack of control and the violence and the power while being ashamed of it, too, etc, if you adequately tweak it to make it work for an adult male character you can still maintain these elements of sexual abuse and incest, and of course if one were to make it about literal lycanthropy, arthur *would* (selfishly, lovingly) try to bite tommy in order to make them the same once again (who would survive that sort of separateness? not them anyway)
and them not being young anymore, but around their canon ages with the awareness that All That Already happened to them as children adds something to it, me thinks
ough i'm sad now
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somestorythoughts · 10 months
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Radioactive Eldritch Jedi
Okay so when I say radioactive. The Force is primordial and eldritch and the jedi (and any other force users of a comparable level) resonate with the echoes of this primoridal of-the-world-and-yet-not-the-world energy like your body when you’re so close to a marching bacd you can feel the drums in your bones and they’re not the music or the instruments, they’re only the echo thereof, but the echo of something from the depths that bore the universe is still A Lot.
And when you look at them. There’s teeth that aren’t there the next minute, you could count them again and again for half an hour and never get the same number twice in a row. And that’s not mentioning when their teeth don’t fit in their mouth, don’t match each other, when there aren’t teeth in their mouths but claws...
That’s just one element of their face which is one element of their body.
You can smell them, even the species that don’t have particularly good senses of smell though it is far more distracting for them. Something fresh with light or rotting with dark, herby or sea salty or citrusy or floral and threaded with sweat or blood or sex to suit whatever they’ve been doing and it wouldn’t be remarkable except they smell simultaneously like their species and like something else entirely in a way that is clearly but indescribably not caused by soap or perfume or oil.
There’s a resonance in their voices. Something like there’s a drumbeat in their throat, like they’re speaking with the vibrations of a song you’ve always heard without knowing it, but always perfectly understandable. The sound of jedi singing in harmony with feeling has reduced cities to tears of joy or tears of pain, blood dripping from their ears in mirror of their tears.
Don’t get me started on their shadows, on the way they move in the dark
And they’d be leaking this strangeness 24/7 except they keep themselves so tightly shielded, not only hiding themselves so that they appear uncanny and not terrifyingly Other (they’ve been there time and time again and it is a problem. There are Consequences) but also keeping any of this force-energy-resonance leaking out into the world. Places where force sensitives have lived a long time thrum like a pulse, are touches with the energy of generations of force users relaxing enough to let their shields lower and their selves to leak and brush the walls and tables, etching their presences into the place like fire into wood, and when this touches people it changes them.
Not immediately. Not quickly. It can take months for anything to change and this is why jedi keep their shields maintained, because if you’re fully shielded nothing will happen, and this is part of why attachments are risky, because the emotion can affect the shields can change the one you love, because to say you love a jedi is not the same as accepting all that they are and being willing to change along with them because you can’t dodge that forever, and saying you’re willing to do this isn’t the same as being willing.
The changes aren’t quick, and not as Eldritch as the jedi, but they are permanent and definitely Other.
When shields crack or break, when a jedi lashes out with the force, it brushes an imprint on everything around them (those with any kind of vision skills can find this difficult or comforting to deal with, like a too-large gulp of hot tea) and a few times on the same thing doesn’t matter. Genuinely. Repeition is an entirely different matter.
War is hell. 
War is hell, and the jedi are holding on to each other for support, clinging interlocking arms, but they’re scattered around the galaxy and it’s so hard to actually reach each other.
Sometimes to know you’re supported isn’t enough. Not when you can’t reach their shoulder to lean on, for just a moment.
And the clones are going through hell with them, are dying around them, and they reach out to support the jedi who are doing their best not only to help them survive but to help them live in a war that wants them dead for a senate that doesn’t care and the jedi recognizes them as people so they reach out and the jedi can’t help but reach back.
The clones catch them when they fall, love them in different ways each as sure as the tides, and the jedi relax into it without realizing. Their shields crack over and over again because war is hell, but they also find them relaxing them, instinctively and unconsciously, because so little is certain but the clones’ willingness to go to hell and back for them is one of them and they feel safe.
And the echoes of the force that resonate in the heartbeats-nervepulses-bloodflows of the jedi leaves imprints on the clones that rises like paint added layer by layer and it changes them.
The clones don’t have a childhood of familiarity to fall back on, much less the shielding techniques to keep them looking “normal.” What they have is legions of brothers willing to support each other come hell or high water or unending clankers and jedi who at first beg their forgiveness for changing them (because it wasn’t supposed to happen and because they like how they are but everyone already sees them as strange and to beg forgiveness for making them like them is many jedi’s first instinct) then teach them how to hide it when they need to and the comfort of singing together, their voices ringing through their ships in tune with the thrumming in their blood, bone-deep.
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zigraves · 8 months
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A short guide to tagging characters in your fic on Ao3:
Your character tags should look like this: "Important Character/ Reader, Important Character, Reader, Other Key Character" (this lists all the relevant characters for the story, including both the Reader for anyone who wants to filter for or against reader-insert fics and the main side-character who isn't in the ship but has significant story appearance. It does not clutter the tags with minor characters so people searching the tags for that character aren't disappointed by fics that only mention their fave in passing)
They should not look like this: "Important Character/ Reader, Important Character, Other Key Character" (Reader/ OC/ self-insert not mentioned, so would-be readers can't filter)
Or like this: "Important Character/ Reader, Important Character, Other Key Character, Minor Character 1, Minor Character 2, Minor Character 3, Minor Character 4, Minor Character 5" (Reader is not tagged, and the minor characters appear only in passing and are not essential to your plot like Other Key Character is so anyone hoping for a fic about those characters is about to be very disappointed with you)
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causticsunshine · 3 months
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‘show me your love’ aka bestie to baby daddy fic part two is back in business boys
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adhd-merlin · 1 year
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yes, prolific fanfic writers are awesome but you know what else is cool? people who take only a passing interest in a fandom (usually early on), do not interact with it in any way, write one, maybe two fics with their mind completely unsullied by fanon and then move on to the next shiny thing. and sometimes it'll be the most amazing fic you've ever read and you'll look for more but you won't find it, because paperclipbitch69 has already moved on with her life
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livin-koala · 2 years
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thank fuck we all agree that Osamu grows up to be an absolute unit of a man.
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gen-is-gone · 2 years
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Really embarrassing how many proshippers showed their entire asses and went full on board with the sinophobic racism vis a vis Tiffany G and the board elections. The lack of basic logical followthrough was just absolutely astounding, well done everyone.
Honestly? I think she's got a lot to learn about the OTW's ethos and broader culture, but nothing she said gave any indication that she's opposed to its core values. She's overly concerned with how Ao3 looks to outsiders for some fairly obvious reasons, and no, that shouldn't be a site priority, but it doesn't seem like she couldn’t learn and gain experience. I would say give her a few more years working as a volunteer (which she already has been doing because it's a prerequisite for board membership, which you insufferable fucks would know if you did even basic research) except oh wait, Western fans went so far off the rails that she probably won't stick around at all. No opportunity for growth or ideological development, let's just chase her off the internet, lol. No one’s a real person online except me and mine, whee! Y'all were supposed to be fucking better than that.
On another note, who the fuck do you think would've supported her candidacy anyway? Antis don't vote in OTW board elections, because that would require them to have at any point in the last year supported Ao3 monetarily, which everyone in the goddamn universe knows they don't do, because every damn year some willfully ignorant asshole throws a shitfit over the donations drive. So no, the minute anyone so much as noted a concerning comment in her campaign statement, no one among the people who actually have a say in the matter, would have voted for her. No need for a massive fucking conspiratorial meltdown.
Also? Why would civil servant volunteer for an organization that's banned in their country? I dunno, could be for a number of reasons, but quite frankly it's a pretty damn brave thing to do regardless.
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violasmirabiles · 1 year
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Good evening. Know how there's that Take that Manco wears that wrist brace because Joe's hand was injured in A Fistful of Dollars, which would be all well and good except it wasn't the same fucking hand. Well. I've connected the two dots (you didn't connect shit) I've CONNECTED them and came up with this. Enjoy <3
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funnyao3 · 2 years
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Speaking of that- “Theseus, where are your mittens?”
Tommy, from his place strapped to Techno’s chest, has the audacity to look guilty. “I might’ve buried them in the snow.”
“Why did you do that?”
“I saw a snake, and I didn’t want it to be cold, so I left it my mittens.”
“You- you know what? Alright. That’s very on-brand for you,” Techno mutters.
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agentsnickers · 5 months
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sometimes i remember that for people who find me through my maleficent fics (which are my 6th + 7th most kudosed fics ever), i'm definitely that guy who's written one thing you fall in love with and then a shocking number of fics for something you didn't realize even had a fandom
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hussyknee · 1 year
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i'm so confused rn, can you explain the goncharov thing?? i get off tumblr for five minutes
(Edits closed as of 28 Nov.)
Lmaoooo
Nah I getchu. So this post has been circulating for like two years:
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But yesterday, it had inspired someone to do this:
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Next thing I knew there were fake Letterboxed reviews.
Goncharov moodboards. Really good ones.
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Meta analysis. So many fake meta essays. Disturbingly good ones. And of course the memes. (Edit: HAVE I SAID THIS SHIT IS DISTURBING)
As you can see, the myth just started to grow, characters and ships and tropes being added one after the other, almost bizzarely without contradiction, until there was enough of shape to the whole thing for people to start posting fanfic about it on AO3. "No beta we die like ice-pick Joe" is already a tag.
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It was hilarious in the beginning, but the way it's developed within less than a day, kind of like it's being willed into existence, is freaking me out a bit. We're toying with powers beyond our comprehension. 😂😂😂
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Of course, there could be an ulterior motive as well.
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Link to post (tags mine).
Edit: guys, please tag these posts "unreality" so people with disassociation issues can filter them out (not this one, this is an explainer). <3
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Edit 2: Aparently the boots in the original post are actually referring to a movie called Gomorrah that came out in 2008, directed by Mateo Garrone, based on the Scampia Feud. And other people had also been making posts about the fake movie for a while before the poster took off.
found by @thepotch
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Edit 3: Explainer: why did those boots have this movie on them anyway?
Edit 4: Alt text added to all images courtesy of @valentineish ❤️
Edit 5: Turns out tumblr has done this kind of thing before. Nine years in this hell place and I had to have "Squiddles" and penis smp explained in the replies.
Edit 6: This post collects the Lore so far.
Edit 7: Lynda Carter (real one)/ earns more/ Tumblr cred.
Edit 8: Holy shit y'all we have the theme music. With sheet music. And it's on Spotify!
Edit 9: THERE IS A TRAILER WITH THE THEME MUSIC
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I made this post 18 hours after the movie poster went up. Closed edits 27 hours after first posting. So all of the above happened within 45 hours of the movie poster going up.
Edit 10: Google document live-compiling all the lore so far (Day 3)
Edit 11: Masterpost of Goncharov soundtracks (Day 3)
Edit 12: Entertainment news articles covering the Gonch-posting (real) (Contd from yday)
Edit 13: The music from the masterpost all compiled into a 31-minute original score with video edits on YouTube (edit: unfortunately taken down)
Edit 14: Staff's Goncharov art showcase for Tumblr Tuesday
As of closing on Day 3 there are 371 works in the AO3 tag.
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Updating with Day 3 shenanigans I missed yesterday:
Edit 15: Goncharov TV Tropes page
Edit 16: Ethics of Gonchposting
Important PSA 1 (how to reduce harm to Tumblr's neurodivergents)
Important PSA 2 (reality affirmation, anti-bullying)
Important PSA 3 (why you should stop trying to vandalise legit information sites)
Edit 17: Character lore from beezlebub whose poster they originated from
Edit 18: What we know about/ Director Matteo JWHJ0715 (#unreality)
Edit 19: Link to post with screenshotted and described NYT article (scroll down) and this golden exerpt from BuzzFeed: 💀
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End of Day 4 there are now 485 works in the Goncharov tag on AO3
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Didn't get to update this on Day 5, so these are the Day 5 doings:
More trailers!
Trailer 1 (My favourite)
Trailer 2
Trailer 3
Trailer 4
I also just found out about the Goncharov Game Jam.
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It appears this opened a day after after the meme took off.
Goncharov was first entered into Wikipedia between Day 4 and 5 (attempts to vandalise it with fake info don't count, incidentally – please knock that shit off) under List of Internet Phenomena. This was then expanded into its own Wikipedia page at the end of Day 5 because, according to the talk history: "the topic now meets the notability threshold for its own artice due to significant coverage in The New York Times and other sources cited." We're on Wikipedia, people!
And then we made The Guardian half a day later. So while the meme is definitely dying down to embers by now, it still stays winning.
YouTube channels with episodes on the meme:
InformOverlord (4:30)
Lessons in Meme Culture (2:43)
End of Day of 5 there were 511 works on AO3, and End of Day 6 (today) there are 556.
--
🚨BREAKING 🚨 from Martin Scorsese's daughter's TikTok (real actual)
tw: unreality:
We did it you guys!
Clarification: Francesca Scorcese asked her Dad about the meme and Martin played along. Please reblog this PSA to help Tumblr people with psychosis. Thanks.
Final edit: Day 8. Media reactions to Scorcese's TikTok (everyone from Forbes to Vulture). That one Tumblr user who said they'd do a screenplay if their post got notes has promised to shoot a single scene, but please don't be dicks just because you reblogged it; leave them alone until they get around to it themselves. As of end of Day 8 there are 609 works in the AO3 tag. I love all you lunatics. Peace! ❤️
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starlit-mansion · 11 months
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I'm not really good at keeping records of my own stuff (nor do i want to be) but I went ahead and grabbed my favorite beetlejuice fic off of ffn before it inevitably evaporates and they really make it like scraping plastic off a pan. i had to log in to get at it lmao
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abigailmoment · 5 months
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It wasn't just bad luck that Staeve was targeted. It was a calculated attack. Halsin knew well enough how a caster could examine their enemies for tells. Halsin did it himself. Considered an opponent's tactics, and guessed at the places their mind would be most vulnerable.
You didn't have to be a gifted empath to watch how Staeve hurled himself into the thick of combat, right at the biggest bandit wielding the two-handed great sword, and think that the man might be vulnerable to a spell that exploited wisdom.
The fact that it took down Astarion too, well, perhaps that one was just bad luck.
It happened like this:
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This is written about @velnna's Tav, Staeve. I was delighted to discover that they don't mind fan fiction being written about him.
I'm always cautious about writing for other people's OCs--getting voices right is so important to me. I have elegantly avoided that issue here.
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Full text below.
Full Text On AO3
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The fight was an incidental bit of banditry. Dangerous banditry, certainly. Bandits with  great swords, supported by wizards. Halsin hung back with Gale while the two rogues dashed forward to give truth to the old adage that the best defense was killing the other fellow extremely quickly. 
They cut down the man with the great sword and the woman with the mace and shield. Reinforcements were coming from around a rocky overhang. Halsin coaxed the earth to throw up entangling vines to slow them down. Gale drenched them with glimmering light that illuminated all their vulnerable points for Astarion and Staeve to shoot at.
Only the half-orc made it through the vines and the light. He was bloodied and wrathful. He was huge, but it was two against one, and the two were flanking with each other. It would have been an easy end to the combat, except that apparently there was a bandit wizard hidden somewhere in the trees who chose this moment to cast a spell. 
One second Staeve was a blood spattered half-drow sprinting full-tilt, sword out, towards a fighter twice his size. And then he was gone.
Some sort of teleportation? Banishment? Gale was saying something about trajectory and scanning the treeline. Halsin was yelling, he wasn't sure what, the concern was more important than the words. He started running forward. Because two rogues against a barbarian was fine, but one rogue against a barbarian was an extremely fast way for that rogue to die.
And Astarion knew that so he should be running away. But he wasn't running away. He was darting forward and ducking low and almost getting hit by a greataxe as he snatched something off of the ground. 
Then he was running, thank the Gods. There was something cradled in his arms, which meant he didn't have his rapier out as he scrambled back.
It was a cat. Halsin saw. They were ten feet away from each other when Halsin realized that Astarion was carrying a large, extremely upset tabby cat with grey-green fur.
That was when Astarion vanished. No. Not vanished. As the tabby tumbled to the ground, something small and white was already there, darting for cover. 
Then the half-orc arrived. Bellowing and huge, at least when compared to cats. Not quite as huge when compared to Halsin. 
Halsin decided to turn into a bear. It was amazing how many problems you could solve by turning into a bear. 
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"I am feeling my oversight in not preparing dispel magic today," said Gale. "Or counterspell."
"This is not a situation we could have anticipated," Halsin said.
Staeve contributed to the conversation, but because of present circumstances, it came out as a meow.
He was large for a cat. His fur was pale brown, tabby-striped with green. His stripes crisscrossed in a way that reminded Halsin of his tattoos. His scar was a fur-less groove in his face. He had the same pale green eyes as always. That color was quite appropriate in a cat.
He meowed again, more insistently this time.
"We will," Halsin assured him. 
"You're speaking with him?" Gale asked. 
"Not magically," Halsin said. It had been a long day and he had barely anything left to cast with. "But I think I understand him."
"Do you?"
"Think a moment and I am confident that you too will guess what he wants from us."
It did only take a moment. Gale was an intelligent man, when prompted. And they'd all seen the small white cat vanish into the woods during the bear-orc fight.
"Ah. Of course." Gale addressed the cat, voice reassuring. "Astarion should be relatively safe though. Polymorph is temporary and even if something did happen to him in the interim, he would just revert to his natural form."
Staeve's whiskers went back and his ears went flat in a thoroughly unimpressed way. 
"I think it would be best to find him and make sure nothing happens," Halsin said with mellow diplomacy. 
"Of course." Gale paused, then said delicately: "Given my skill in woodland matters, or lack thereof, I may best serve this cause by getting out of the way."
Halsin smiled. "It is a wise man who knows his limitations."
"I'll meet you all back at camp then?" said Gale.
"Take a potion of invisibility for the trip," Halsin suggested. "There might still be bandits about."
Staeve had gotten impatient with them, and was padding off into the forest. Halsin handed Gale the potion and hastened to follow.
-
Staeve scampered about the forest like he was looting the place. No hole, hollow log, wasp nest, or brown recluse spider-web was left uninvestigated. The loss of seventy five percent of his gray matter had done the man's already flagging survival instincts no favors. Halsin spent half of his attention looking for signs of a small white cat, and half of his time making sure Staeve's efforts at tracking didn't get him killed.
After being only a hairsbreadth quick enough to pull Staeve away from the entrance to a dire-badger-burrow Halsin decided that his partner was now going to be carried. Staeve made a meowling, writhing objection. He was terribly invested in the search. A compromise was reached when he was offered a perch high on Halsin's broad shoulders. Staeve proceeded to clamber from shoulder to shoulder as Halsin walked, ears always forward and alert, eyes bright, head turning this way and that as he scanned the woods.
Small cats with stealth training were not easy things to track through dense forest. Halsin did end up using his last spell slot to cast speak with animals. The local mice and voles always noticed when predators passed, even small ones. Halsin spoke to them while keeping one hand on Staeve, who watched the tiny creatures with bright, newly interested eyes.
Halsin of course spoke with Staeve as well, but it wasn't quite the same. Talking to a person who had been transformed into an animal was not the same as talking to that person. Shape changed you. How you saw things. How you thought. The mind of a cat was a fraction of the size of that of an elf or half-elf. Thinking with it was different. The change was easiest for druids. It was hardest for the cursed, who did not choose the new shape. Who were surprised by it.
He spoke to Staeve and learned things he had already known from observation. He reassured Staeve that the mice had given useful guidance.
That guidance led them north, then west, and then to a long hollow log, moss covered and broken in two places. A good hiding spot, and the sort of shelter that had a lot of escape routes. Staeve jumped off of Halsin's shoulder as the druid knelt down and they both peered inside.
In the darkness, Halsin could just make out a pair of ruby-bright eyes staring warily back at him. 
Beside him, Halsin watched Staeve relax for the first time since becoming a cat. He wasn't actually as large as Halsin had first thought--it was just that his hackles had been up and his tail puffed out for the duration of the transformation.
It could be a painful thing indeed, to have one's heart so completely entwined with another's safety. A deeply worthwhile thing, but a painful thing, sometimes. 
Halsin made a deferring motion to Staeve, who nodded in a rather un-catlike like way. Halsin stepped back from the log, moving slowly so as not to startle anything. He shifted a few feet away and sat close enough to watch, but far away enough that his looming size wasn't an ominous thing.
Staeve didn't go inside the hollow log. He sat at the entrance. Lay down at the entrance, body long and casual, head up on the lip of the log so he could keep looking inside. Modeling relaxation.
He started to purr. Halsin could hear him purring even from a few feet away. A loud, constant, soothing rumble. It somehow did not surprise Halsin that Staeve had a loud purr.
And then Staeve waited. Patient as anything. Waiting and watching and purring in a low buzz, as steadily as a beehive.
Halsin could not see inside the log, but he could guess at when Astarion moved because Staeve's ears would flick. Staeve had a fine poker face, but everyone had tells. 
Something happened, or occurred to him, that made Staeve raise his head and sit up slightly from his sprawl on the ground. Then he stood up entirely. He gave Halsin a significant look, and trotted off into the underbrush. 
Conscious that he had just been assigned new responsibility, Halsin shifted so that he had a good view of the log's entrances and everything around it. There wasn't much danger, Halsin’s presence in general kept most predators away from this space. But still.
During his vigil, Halsin saw the glimmer of red cat-eyes once. And only briefly. 
Staeve came back soon. He had a dead vole in his mouth and he looked exceptionally pleased with himself. He dropped the vole at the mouth of the log, took a few pawpads back and watched expectantly.
It took another long minute, but after that minute a small white cat crept out of the darkness.
This should surprise no one, but Astarion was a beautiful cat. Slender and graceful with large eyes. His fur was pure, silvery white and just long enough to curl slightly. He moved with a cautious precision that Halsin recognized as his habit, and that deeply suited his new form. 
He sniffed at the vole. He shot Staeve a judgmental look, because Gods forbid the man accept any kindness without prevaricating about it in some way. He glanced at Halsin. And then he leaned down to slide exceptionally long canines into the corpse's chest.
Staeve flopped down about a foot away and watched him with an expression of pleased devotion that would honestly be a bit more appropriate on a dog.
Astarion ate fastidiously, and without getting even a blot of blood on his snow-white fur. When he finished he licked his teeth.
When Staeve was quite sure Astarion was done eating, he sidled up slantwise, sauntering around the vole corpse as if he just casually happened to be taking a stroll in this part of the forest for no particular reason. He stopped just short of Astarion. His ears were forward. His tail flicked lightly from side to side. 
Astarion regarded him levelly with his 'I know what you're doing and I know you think you're being clever about it but you're not' expression. Then, as if granting a boon, he deigned to rub his forehead gently against the underside of Staeve's chin.
Staeve took this as the invitation that it was and pressed back, much more enthusiastic and honest in his delight at the contact. Which in turn gave Astarion an excuse and space to do what he wanted and enjoy it.
They were always very dear to watch together. Whatever form they took. In about a minute they were curled over each other on the ground and Staeve was industriously grooming Astarion's head.
Halsin let this go on for as long as he could. But the shadows were lengthening, and they were very close to the Shadowlands, and he was out of spell slots, and the rogues were currently housecats.
"It is getting late, dear ones," he said softly. 
Astarion twitched at the interruption, and Staeve licked him three times along the neck and chest in a soothing way. Then they disentangled from each other and padded over to Halsin.
Halsin picked up Staeve, but he knelt down and laid his arm on the ground so that Astarion could climb up and find what perch he wanted by himself. They did both end up in his arms. Staeve was tired and quite ready to be carried, and Astarion didn't want to be out of contact with him.
As Halsin walked through the woods with an armfull of cat, Staeve started to purr again. It was really the most marvelous sound. A soothing distillation of satisfaction and care. Almost enough to tempt one away from being a bear.
Astarion did not purr. Some cats didn't. Or purred only very rarely. But Astarion did, at one point, look up at Halsin and blink his bright red eyes very slowly. 
And that was a precious thing.
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