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mono-blogs-art · 3 months

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incredible chaser game w moments (part 2) up to & incl. episode 4

the most homophobic breakup you've ever seen. just, unholy behavior. on fucking god itsuki i know you had good intentions but you're the worst for doing it like that !!!!!!!!! at least let her down easy !!!!! if i was 22 and my gf of 4 years did that to me i'd fucking go insane as well

the elevator stopped working ➡️ you are trapped in with the person you hate ➡️ you are forced to sit it out and face your fears together, ultimately bringing you closer both emotionally & physically. i love this trope and i didn't know i needed it here, but it was great. step 1 to the meowmeow-ification of fuyu complete

my prediction of itsuki running into & taking care of little tsuki and the two of them then being found by fuyu, resulting in an awkward and heartbreaking scene, came true exactly like that. i think this scene was genuinely so well done and well acted, it broke my heart. i think this was the scene that really got me to say Damn, I'm invested in this now...

^ I'm still waiting for Itsuki to bring up the similar names in conversation though. like you need to talk about that

"ohhh harumoto-san, so you're part of that team?" - itsuki (sweating in closeted lesbian): "huh? what? n-no, of course not- I'm--" - "Don't worry, it's all good, we're all into BL too!!!" ➡️falsely coming out as a yaoi fangirl to your coworkers to avoid having to talk about your own sexuality. LMAO

^ this scene only being a setup so fuyu can be homophobic on main is what makes it even funnier

why. in every gods name. would you go to your boss' home address. why on earth would you do that. at least itsuki was self-aware about it too. girl you are SO unwell

every time fuyu has kissed itsuki of her own initiative, it has been when she was drunk... can we remedy that for future episodes, please? not that consent has been an issue, their mutual feelings are obvious, but i think she should be making a move when she doesn't have any liquid courage in her. step up your fucking game, fuyu

"she's a classic tsundere, after all" - fuyu, who has been severly harassing her subordinates at work (again, there seems to be no HR department at this company) being written off as a "tsundere" by the rest of the team - I mean, you're not wrong, but you should still file a complaint against her.

fuyu's husband Kouu is the nicest man on earth. my man doesn't deserve ANY of this. he even calls her dongyu. he even calls his wife by her real fucking name like the bar is so low

fuyu treats him so badly too, man, i genuinely felt bad watching it. were the 5 years of marriage all like this? was he always just a means to you getting your revenge? i'm sick. i hope they can make up by the end of the show and have a real conversation about their feelings and relationship.

that aside, i do have some theories on kouu, his disappearance, and his own feelings as well, but i'm keeping that to myself atm...

fuyu & itsuki keep having insanely homoerotic moments in front of god and everyone on earth, I'm starting to believe the only person with a gaydar in this company is the photographer from the other office. the fact that you two haven't been found out yet is honestly a massive plot hole (lmao)

has itsuki eaten anything else but sweets (cake, in particular?) on screen yet? apart from the homemade meal at the hayashi's, whenever there's a scene of her alone or with her grandma, she's always eating cake. i wonder if it will come up at some point, but it's just something i noticed. no shade though girl i'm also (almost) 27 and if you wanna eat cake for dinner alone at home I'm your nr1 supporter

i'm never a fan of the trope of a bilingual character breaking out into their native tongue for swearing or just randomly, but it is fun that only fuyu does it and that all the other chinese characters just don't speak mandarin at all. and i'm happy they actually cast a bilingual actress for fuyu!

episode 4 was the mid-series finale, and it definitely showed. this was the best episode so far by a pretty significant margin imo.

the. silent pleading fuyu puts on to make itsuki stay at the hayashi house. the most fucking 🥺*twirling my hair cutely* AND IT WORKS TOO BECAUSE ITSUKI IS JUST AS INSANE AS YOU ARE

i would like to talk about the best scene of this show yet. i really wished it was longer and was given even more weight. in episode 4, fuyu & itsuki are sitting in the living room together at night, so far apart that they're completely out of each other's camera shots even. i found this to be the most interesting scene so far. there was genuine tension in the shot composition, the acting, the complete absence of music. just silence and their voices. "after all, it was all my fault, wasn't it? that we ended up like this?" fuyu still deep down believes that she was the reason their relationship failed. she wasn't enough, because she's fuyu, because she's a woman. she still thinks that. my heart fucking broke in two

their fight after fuyu came back home drunk was so funny. especially with their height difference... hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby

after finally learning the truth about their break-up, fuyu is absolutely devastated. "you valued your promise to my mother more than the one you made to me?" just completely broken. after all this time sitting with these unresolved emotions, feelings of guilt and deep shame, only for that to be the reason? I feel so bad for her

the mutual love confession!!!!! i'm honestly a bit surprised it came so early, i thought they were just going to sleep together and not talk emotions first. but i'm not gonna complain (i just love mess) i'm also devastated that itsuki used suki while fuyu used the word aishiteru. my friends it's so bad for me right now (and them)

did. they. fuck. on. the. floor. in. the. living room.

i hope so because 1) hot and 2) although i'm still unsure as to the exact room situation of the hayashi household, don't they all have one shared bedroom??? isn't the bedroom that they're in after they've had sex (hopefully in the living room) the same one we've previously seen, where the kid also sleeps????? WHERE WAS THE KID ITSUKI. WHERE. WAS. THE. KID. WE KNOW SHE'S WITH YOU BECAUSE THAT WAS THE WHOLE REASON YOU STARTED FIGHTING!!!!!

if you had sex while your kid was sleeping soundly in the same room i'm sending both of you to superhell. i'm praying you guys just have a totally identical bed in another room. please.

if it wasn't the same bed we've previously seen from tsuki's room, that means you guys fucked in the marriage bed, which is only slightly less gonna get you sent to superhell.

in any case, happy lesbian sex to them. i know neither of you have known the touch of a woman in the past 5 years so it was probably intense. drink a lot of water in episode 5, alright? jesus.

it was also quite funny that the scriptwriter for the show tweeted out a few hours before this episode aired that "itsuki has always taken the leader position in their relationship" and that "you should watch episode 4 with this in mind" and we were all like. oh so you're telling me that fuyu is a bottom? you're telling me water is wet? fork found in kitchen??????

their lil afterglow convo in bed was just perfectly sweet. 1 point to fuyu, now presumably much more sobered up, for having the courage to ask if itsuki's gonna stay the night after all. girl you don't have to ask. i think she's ready for another 12 rounds. she's not going anywhere.

the line delivery of the "alright" (i'm gonna stay) oh my god. oh my god... oh. oh.

the meowmeow-ification babygirl-ification of fuyu is now complete

in the preview for ep5, fuyu is wearing a mixture of white and black clothes. girl... it was that good, huh?????

in conclusion:

i had a lot of thoughts on this one and i've found great joy in going deep into the twt tags for it as well. and i'm glad to see many japanese sapphics also being super vocal about the show. it's really interesting to read and interact with that side of the fandom i haven't really seen in this capacity for a (lesbian) live action show yet. i see people slowing down & brightening up footage to analyse who's taking each other's clothes off first, people just posting close-ups of Yuuka's hands, people going into Yurika's past filmography to dig up ancient clips of other sapphic roles she's played (of which there seem to be actually quite a lot?). i love to see it lmao. on a more serious note, it makes me happy to see sapphics from so far away expressing themselves similarily to myself or my other lesbian friends. it's cute!! as for cgw, part b of the series is gonna be intense, and i'm especially curious to see how they're gonna do the inevitable breakdown of fuyu again. my girl is so deep in the trenches, her temporary being on cloud 9 right now is gonna be short-lived and i want to see it happen. i hope she can really stand up for herself and make things right after all!

#mono-loguing #chaser game w #long post #text #rambling #sorry this got so long. i just wanted to type some thoughts out. really curious to see what happens next week

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astrxsee · 2 months

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FALSE GOD chap. 2

(chap 1) (chap 2) (chap 3)

percy jackson x child of demeter!oc

𝑰𝑵 𝑾𝑯𝑰𝑪𝑯 Rose St. Claire sets off on a quest to save the goddess in chains.

𝑶𝑹

𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑪𝒀 𝑱𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑺𝑶𝑵 learns to see what is right in front of him.

!CONTENT WARNING! gore, romance, swearing, blood, heavy themes

a/n: omg! hi i love posting on tumblr so much?? like i finally wanna write again LOL anyways I can also take requests! only if you want anyways pls i hope you like the next chapter i PROMISE there will be romance but it’s a slow burn dw

also can someone please show me how to link the first chapter i cannot for the life of me pls and thanks

sorry for the delay yall fr i just have to be in the right headspace to write im so sorry anyways i hope you like it please feel free to give any feedback

also if you like it i would be happy to put anyone on a tag list as well <3

The clicking of heels against the polished floor grabs my attention, the game I was holding in my hand lays idly to the side. Bianca shoots me a nervous look from her seat next to me before peering up at the stern lady. The lady's grey hair was slicked back into a bun, her nose crooked, almost like a scythe. She did not look very nice.

"Bianca Di Angelo." She states, matter of factly. "I am here to take you, your brother," The woman shoots a pointed look at Nico, "And your... friend."

The look the mysterious woman gave was poisonous, her eyes daggers as she looked at me. Her nose sneered as she took in the surroundings of the casino. It was loud, I could tell she didn't like it.

"My name is Rose." I snapped, quickly rising to my feet. I cross my arms as her eyes narrow as she looks at me. I glare back at her, not backing down from her imposing stare.

She sighs and rolls her eyes muttering something under her breath, something along the lines of 'stupid demigods'. I feel Bianca stand next to me, putting a calming hand on my shoulder. She quickly steps in front of me, breaking my cold stare at the unpleasant woman.

"Excuse me, but are you here to take us to school?" Bianca asks, her head tilted in a curious way. The old woman nodded, a careless look on her face.

"Yes, now come, we haven't got any time to lose. Don't ask any questions." The woman says before turning on her heel to the exit of the casino. I cast a look over my shoulder to Nico, his face twisted in a worried look. His hands fiddled with a silver army soldier toy, as he glanced around at everyone except the lawyer.

"Are you sure we can't just stay?" A small voice speaks out from behind Bianca. The stern woman whips around to look at Nico, who looks like he was about to cry. The lawyer scoffs.

"Stupid boy. You three are too important to be kept here." She bluntly states. Kept here? Too important? Her words make my mind spiral. I cast a worried glance over to Bianca who also has a troubled look on her face.

I couldn't help the nervous feeling in my chest. My Dad had brought me here about two months ago. Now that I think of it, I couldn't really remember what he looked like, let alone why he left me here. Were we being kept here? I shake my head, trying to rid my mind of these troubling thoughts.

My brows furrow as I try to remember the events leading up to entering the casino. It feels like the memories are just out of reach, like a blank space fills the area where they used to be. All I could remember was the year; 1976. I didn't want to go back out there, I didn't want to face what was waiting for me on the outside. Surely, the police would still be looking for me. Most of all, I didn't want that... thing to get me.

I roughly bump into Bianca, who stopped in her tracks. Daylight poured through the open door of the casino, I could hear many voices and sounds coming from outside.

"Bianca, what the hell." I ask, my mind snapping back to reality. I glance up and all words are lost as I become rooted to my spot. The cars zoomed by in the road, hundreds of billboards lined the bustling streets. There were bright screens with neon words that I couldn't even understand. Where was I? All I know that this was not 1976.

"Hurry up, children. We haven't got time to loose." The lawyer snaps. I look over to her, my mouth wide open. Bianca and Nico still had their eyes glued to the unfamiliar scene, their faces contorted into looks of panic.

A feeling of anger rose up inside of me as I took steps closer to the woman. She didn't even flinch as I leaned as close as I could to her.

"Where the fuck are we?" I yell, my confusion getting the better of my rationality. My arms gesture to the enigmatic scene in front of me. What year is it? What happened?" My mind is running too fast that I can't comprehend one thought. Where were we? What happened while I was in the casino? Why did it look like we were in the future?

An annoyingly amused smile makes it way onto the lawyers face. She shakes her head and lets out a condescending laugh.

"Stupid girl." She began, her eyes bored, "I told you to not ask any questions." My eyes open incredulously at her dismissive words. My entire world had been flipped on its head and she tells me not to ask questions! The anger boils up in my chest as I stand there with millions of questions. I notice pink flowers start to pop up in the cracks of the sidewalk, I didn't care at this point. I couldn't control it.

"What year is it?" A soft voice breaks me from my confused spiral. Bianca, now looking over to the woman, asks, her face full of confusion. She then looks at me, her eyes filled with tears.

"2007." She bluntly states, rolling her eyes as if it was a stupid question. My hand flies to my mouth in shock as I hear the woman's words. 2007! I have been in that damn casino for thirty one years? I reel back, the realization finally hitting me. I shake my head, a feeling of sickness washes over me. This can't be happening.

The woman guides us towards a large black car. I had never seen a car so big and with so many seats! She motions to the driver to leave after we all file into the car. Nico looks completely lost, his hands still on his silver army toy.

"Now, you may be confused." The woman, Camille according to the driver, starts. I scoff at her words, my arms crossed as I look out the window. A growing feeling of sadness wells up in my stomach, a twisting sort of feeling. "I can assure you that you will be safe at your new school. We will be there shortly."

How much did the world change? Why does time pass differently in that casino? Why did my Dad leave me there? Thousands of questions circled around in my head, too many unknowns for me to handle.

I feel my breaths begin to quicken, my hands shaking. I fiddle with the pins and patches on my worn out bomber jacket, quickly grounding myself. I think of my hands in cold grass and a warm breeze blowing over my face. I breathe out a sigh, accepting of the absolutely crazy situation.

I place my hand over Bianca's, she breaks her stare from out the window to look over at me. I give her a reassuring smile and her hand a small squeeze. She gives me a small smile, telling me that she's okay.

"Okay, children, grab your things. We're here." Camille orders. She quickly climbs out of the car and starts making her way to the man standing outside of the ominous front doors of the school. I grab my green duffel bag and follow Bianca out of the car, Nico follows me slowly. I didn't even want to think about how scared he must be. We all follow Camille slowly, our necks craned up to take in the vastness of the school.

Standing on the pathway, there stands a man. He towers over my friends and I as we stand behind our lawyer. He gives us all a large, slightly creepy smile. His two different colored eyes almost seemed to glow as he looked at us.

"Welcome to Westover Hall. Your new home."

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

taglist: @cxcilla

#percy jackson x reader #percy jackson #annabeth is our friend #slow burn #percy will probs be in the next chapter #percy jackson x oc #percy jackson fanfiction #canondivergent #percy jackon and the olympians #percy pjo

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anotherkindofloveletters · 1 year

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Everything Happens to Me - Part 3

Hi flowers! So finally the plot is starting and I really hope you like this idea. Let me know if you have some things to say and ideas to make it better. It's really a WIP.

tw: Swearing, fatshaming, offenses. Don't think there's much more to it, but let me know if you find something.

Chapter 3 - Let them know

chapter 2

Things between y/n and Charles were going great, trying to enjoy every second of the time they had left before the start of the racing season. Even though being private was starting to tire the Monegasque a little bit, he really wanted to share his relationship because after months of suffering, he was finally happy. On the other side, Charles’ press team knew how much Charlotte and him were loved around the paddock and since they are broken up, everyone started to wanting them back together and many lost interest in him because of some false cheating rumors.

“So this is where I started the race…” Charles points at the faded grid lines on the Monaco street where the grand prix starts “But not where I finished…” y/n lets out a giggle watching him explain to her a bit about the race of the past year there. She couldn’t believe how unintentionally funny was Charles and that was something that really made her fall in love with him. They keep walking around town, chatting and window shopping, they wouldn’t do that a lot because of the secrecy thing, but they would do that with friends sometimes just to enjoy outside time as well. “Excuse-moi Charles, je peux prendre une photo avec vous ?” Charles, can I take a picture with you? a little boy says pulling Charles’ shirt a little, the Monegasque turns and smiles at him “Bien sûr, tu veux que ma petite amie soit là ?” Sure, do you want my girlfriend to be in it? y/n isn’t sure to have properly understood what Charles just said “Me?” she almost whispered, knowing that action would lead to trouble, her boyfriend nods and as the little kid eagerly accepts, poses and takes the photo. “Merci” says the little one smiling before running back to his mother. “Charles… you know that will bring trouble, don’t you?” says y/n looking at him with a worried look “I’m with you, I’m lucky to be and I’m in love and I need to live it freely. I don’t want to hide you.” his hand reaches to hers while looking into her eyes “I love you y/n.”. The feeling of fear in y/n becomes happiness with those words alone “Whatever happens I will be there with you okay? I love you.” her smile always felt warm to him, something he would never exchange with anything in the world.

Once y/n gets at home she starts cleaning a bit the kitchen that was pretty messy after an attempt to bake a cake with Charles earlier that day, so an half an hour goes by before she decides to take a shower then rest on the sofa with a cup of tea. She opens insagram and notices that her account was flooded with comments and follows, unluckily most of them where anything but good “You slut, you will never be as Charlotte.” “Oh my god, how could he cheat on Charlotte with this fat ass bitch?” after reading a few of them, y/n decide to just close the app and take big breaths before noticing a call from Charles “Ange, I wanted to check on you.” “Hey, I’m fine. I guess that was something the team was trying to protect us from.” “You know it’s all lies right? Do you want me to come over? Just ignore them okay. It’ll take time but I’m sure they will love you.” Charles says without even taking a break “Hey, calm down you. I’m fine, I swear. How did it go with the team?” he giggles at those words “Well, not happy at all, but they will manage it too.” “People can be mean, but we know what we need to.” “I love you.” “I love you too ma belle.”

chapter 4

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #f1 fan fiction #female!reader #f1 imagine #forbidden love #charles leclerc imagine #il predestinato #charles leclerc x female!reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc fic #f1 imagines #f1 x you #charles leclerc and charlotte siné #charles leclerc fan fic #charles leclerc predestinato #il predestinato vince #charles leclerc x female

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kerubimcrepin · 3 months

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Episode 26 - A Hairy Mystery

TW: Discussions of in-universe false allegations of S.A. towards animals and/or children. Discussions of addictions, and what might be actual S.A.

This episode is a doozy, both canonically and due to the analysis I conduct.

From the first seconds of the episode, we can note one very important detail:

The episode's narration is not censored by Kerubim, as is usually the case, but filtered through Joris's very limited understanding of sexuality and other adult things, and metaphors alluding to those.

Which results in this being a very dark episode in every single way possible and kinda batshit insane, when thought about for too much.

This is the same house as the one we'll see in Episode 50, Deadly Charm.

During Episode 50's time, the two of them share this house. This may suggest that the two episodes happen relatively closely, timeline-wise. It would make sense, considering the fact that in both of these episodes, Lou investigates crimes.

This investigation sounds like how long a war that would result in the birth of a very cool huppermage would last.

This episode will be hellish to translate... First of all: all the little text on these images? Just gibberish. Also, it's the same gibberish copypasted in all the newspapers.

However, we have some juicy stuff in the big text blocks: real text, with more context for the ep, besides what we see through Joris's ~imagination~

Big text on the top:

"LITTLE CAT (??? something something)

LITTLE CAT WHO DRANK MILK WAS NICE, FRIENDLY AND WELL-BEHAVED, WHICH DOESN'T/DIDN'T---

THIS BY PUTTING LAXATIVE IN THE BOWL OF HIS SWEET SELF"

Big text on the bottom:

"HE LOOKS LIKE A BEANPOLE(???) -----------UN"

Firstly: the newspaper name says "BOTA" instead of "BONTA"... Not even a spare letter "N" for the starving public?

The text on the left is, for some reason, upside down, and the letter N is in my transcription only because it makes more sense than W. What is says is: "EST U(N)E FIOTTE"

Translation: Someone (a female judging by "une") is (I am about to quote google here) "a homophobic(?) swear word for men(??)."

I'm sure someone in Ankama was very giddy to have snuck this in, but god, I wish I knew what this really means.

Don't worry. There are worse hidden texts in this episode... Like this next one.

I guess that what Kerubim is accused of is. Uh. not... literally eating a cat. It's something... different. Or eating the cat and also doing other things to the cat. hm.

I guess for Ecaflips, doing this to a cat, is not just an animal thing but also uh. a kid thing.

...Idk if I ever wanted to know this much about the World of Twelve. Man.

To pause from the insanity of this episode so far, I want to point out, that, both here, and in the episode 50, which we had established, takes place close to this one, Kerubim and Lou are very close to marriage/consider each other fiancés (in episode 50, she is referred to as his wife, despite them not being married).

So... I am assuming both of them take place before Ecaflip City! We're making some real discoveries here, folks.

This episode was funnier before I knew this was Kerubim's twitter callout arc. Now it's just sad.·😭

Also, in a better circumstance, I would comment on how cute it is that Kerubim says he likes cats (or babies, considering that for ecaflips... yeah. man. this episode is making me say insane things.) that much.

No wonder he's going fucking insane.

The first one is a reused text asset from the first episodes that says "MAISON DE NERUBIM CREPIN". What she is writing seems to be "RMCP"

The second one is, uh. Yeah.

Judging by the paintings, I suppose this episode takes place after Vax's Art (ep10) and Bashi the Shark (ep7).

I know these are just reused assets, but also — it's Ankama's own fault that they gave me this to do theorizing with.

Jesus fucking Christ, here we go. Twenty pages of analysis incoming:

He had a very interesting evening. Getting drunk (as usual), gambling (as usual)...

But having a woman "ride" him, while being very, very drunk, too — is this also, in fact, usual? Hopefully, it was a literal riding, horse-style.

Judging from Lou's phrasing and reaction, as well as this episode's whole thing so far, it was probably not.

Which is... not good at all. Yeah.

We'll never truly know, with Joris's unreliable narration in this episode. But I am sad to report, that I don't think it would be out of character for Kerubim to... have these things happen to him, and be okay with that.

And it's in-character for Lou to view Kerubim's habits of getting drunk and gambling everything away, while having ambiguously-nonconsensual (on his side) relations with women, as punishable evils on his part, good old "shit boyfriend" behaviours.

Instead of, y'know, self-destruction.

...Okay, I think I am ready to present something to you, so here's a refresher for my earlier liveblogs, in the form of the six tenets of theorizing about their final break up we established:

She left sad, and unlike many other times, without any anger for Kerubim.

She left Luis with him to watch over him.

She also left Luis because he couldn’t go with her, but that could mean many things.

She left after Ecaflip City, obviously, and at that time, their relationship seemed the healthiest. (Well, as healthy as it could be.)

Unlike all the other times, Kerubim didn’t go searching for her. It seems this separation was final in a way no other was, and there had to be a reason that he didn’t go and try to make up. An unsolvable issue.

Both Luis and Kerubim blame Kerubim, and the first one uses this to make the second one angry.

I think it's time to make to finally reveal my Divorce Theory:

I think Lou left Kerubim after regaining her memories, and realizing that they're just bad for each other.

She often manipulated him using his insecurities and fears of abandonment, which are the result of his childhood traumas. She hit him, and disregarded, or at times exacerbated, his various mental health issues.

While he has cheated on her many times while being completely sober, without any regard for her personhood and feelings. He's gambled away her memories.

Yes, they loved each other, but they were horrible together.

And I think it's a very sad realization to have about someone you've been in love with for your whole life:

That all you've ever managed to do is hurt each other, and make things worse.

...Now that I'm done with sad divorce theories, let's finish up this episode.

The newspaper that shows miss Kitty behind bars, has all the same text as the newspaper where Kerubim is behind bars, so I won't include it, but this?

This has a plot twist:

"EM ILIE EST U(N)E FIOTTE"

...Emilie, if you're out there: years ago, in Dofus: Aux Trésors de Kerubim, someone called you a bad word.

And I hope it was a joke and not some office drama. I really do hope so.

...My reaction to this whole fucking episode, Keke.

My exact reaction to all of it.

This is the face of a parent who knows that he will have to assess the damage. A second plane has hit the fucking pentagon level damage.

The "will he be asking me what "riding" means now?" "will he be asking me why "you ate a kitten" allegations got me into prison?" level damage.

Actual nightmare.

#ep26 #ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #wakfu #krosmoz #kerubim crepin

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waterfallofspace · 6 months

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Little mostly positive waterfall ramble/rant under the cut~ (warning, I do swear a lil haha~ and feel free to ignore ofc!~)

Finally got the dumb panic-induced false confidence nerve to tell one of my only two in-person (well, one province over, but USED to be in person till earlier this year) friends about The Kink. I've told a handful of internet friends before, but never an actual real life friend I might have to see in person one day.

He actually took it really well, my other irl friend (of 15 years, his girlfriend, known him only about 3-4) would not want to know, we just don't have that type of relationship, she doesn't have that comfort level, but me and him have always been able to have deep and honest talks~

I was. Honestly scared out of my fucking mind. We were in call, but I typed the messsage and then IMMEDIATELY deafened until he read it, but once I got back we had a good talk, he asked a few questions, we made a few jokes, and overall the mood didn't change at all.

I'm honestly always so worried people will think I'm getting off to them sn--zing every time... or anyone else who does... which, ofc, just isn't how it works, but he didn't even consider that. (and made a few joking-yet-honest comments that even if I did get off to him snzing, he wouldn't honestly care. Which knowing him, is completely true~)

Anyways, this is a bit of a random/personal thing to post, but I've been so deeply ashamed of this part of me for so long, and then only recently started feeling more comfortable, and I've been toying/struggling with the idea of telling him for almost a year now, so to finally do it, and get such a good response... honestly it just feels so good. I don't think anything's gonna change in our dynamic, or get weird in any way, and that fills me with so much relief. (and yes, he knows I have a tumblr, but he promised not to search for it thank GOD)

#waterfallrants #waterfallrambles #waterfallpersonal #thats not a tag but now it is! because this is my blog! and i can do! what i want!#actively using it as a journal at this point but you know what i dont care #im out of my mind right now- literally just got off call my heart is POUNDING #but he took it so well and was like 'oh- that's it??'#the only time he was like 'woah what thats a bit weird' was when i told him how long ive felt this way (since lil child)#but otherwise he was so supportive (in his own 'makes jokes about it but gives genuine comfort with them' way)#and honestly it feels. so refreshing?? that now he.... i guess TRULY knows me?? like- knows this side of me. knows ME me #idk guys please feel free to ignore this honestly might even delete it later idk but im just kinda exhausted in a good way #it was a good talk (liek we always have) and im honestly not sure why i was even so worried in the first place ToT

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yjano · 1 year

Text

Who I am now?

Part 19.

Pairing: Jake x Mc.

Genre: Angst, comedy, dark romance.

Warnings: Strong language, angst scenes. 18+ content can be found.

Words: 6.2k

Author's note: This story contains mature topics and is not fully related to the duskwood game. A different parallel with different personalities. Thank you everyone for following and liking this! lly.♡

•

Mc focus.

"Alright, what's your question for me?" Nymos muttered, driving one-handedly as his other hand used a balled-up paper towel to clean up any traces of coca cola on his skin.

"I don't have anything in mind, to be honest." I coughed, adjusting my shirt. "Um, do you have any photographs on you of you and Jake when you were kids? Like the ones in your home?"

"...I'm giving you the most perfect opportunity for you to find out more about my brother through me but you just wanna waste the opportunity by looking at our baby photos?" Nymos tutted, shaking his head in disapproval, but still reaching inside his jacket pocket for his mobile phone.

"Like, I can tell you so many things about bro that he'll never bother to share with you. Things like the first time he had sex with someone. Wasn't a great experience for him I'm guessing since he accidentally knocked her out, because she squeezed his bud too hard. He woke me up at 3 am in the fucking morning and made me drive him home because his dick hurt too much to do it himself." Nymos concluded, laughing and handing his unlocked phone to me. I took it with my eyes widening at his words.

I glanced down at his phone screen to see I was in his photo album app, staring at a grainy photograph of young Jake and Kaden grinning so hard at the camera.

"Swipe right for more." Nymos smiled. I did that as he said, giggling at the next photo which happened to be of either a ten-year-old Jake or Kaden glaring viciously at the camera whilst being kitted out in a black turtleneck, black skinny jeans, several pieces of chunky silver jewelry, and boots studded with little spikes. Additionally, the boy's eyes were heavily lined with black, and his face was powdered a ghostly shade of white. In the background, I noticed an infuriated elderly lady lifting a sandal in the air, seeming to be in mid-warrior cry.

Nymos, noticing me laughing especially hard at this photo, grinned widely.

"Bro tried going to school like that one day but our grandma saw and beat his vampire-looking ass, telling him she wasn't gonna drive him to the hospital if he got heatstroke."

I laughed harder in reply, swiping right with my thumb to find yet another low-quality photograph of both the twins in their final year at high school, dressed in muddied football wear and looking a lot more like how they look now. Tanned by the sun, muscular, dark hair tousled, and wearing grins that left me a tad bit breathless.

Fuck, I bet they were super popular in high school. I wanted to send this specific photograph to my phone so I could privately drool over them in their red and black colored football uniform. I suppressed the urge to do so and instead forced myself to swipe right.

"Oh my god, oh my god! What is this?"

"Hmm?" Nymos took a peek at the photograph and grinned widely.

"Oh, those are my old high school nudes," He hummed, amusement evident in his voice as he studied the image depicted on his mobile phone screen.

"Man, I was tiny back then. Don't worry, I swear I'm way bigger now."

"Why would I fucking worry about your dick size?" I choked out, hurriedly throwing his phone back as if the phone casing could potentially burn a rectangular-shaped mark onto my palm.

"Because you know, you might think Jake's tiny too. Because we're identical twins." Nymos shrugged, chuckling. "Don't wanna have Jake hunting me down later for spreading false information about his dick size."

"Kaden, please stop talking."

"So it's your turn to ask a question now, screaming baby."

We've been playing twenty questions for quite a while now, probably passing the limit of twenty long ago.

I thought for a second, chewing contemplatively on my straw before glancing at Nymos.

"Why...Why did you believe Ikari instead of Lex and Jake?" I asked, almost kicking myself for my incapable brain-to-mouth filter because as soon as those words spilled out from my lips. I found myself wanting to swallow back a very single word.

But what happened? There was nothing I could do to redraw the flinch that Nymos reacted with.

"Damn, we're going for the big questions now, huh?" He coughed, and the hand that was not on the steering wheel reached upwards to cup the back of his neck as he laughed awkwardly. I thought that he might have a habit of touching his neck whenever he felt uncomfortable.

I cleared my throat now, looking down at the half-empty contents of my can of coke that I stirred silently with my straw.

"Um, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I mumbled, feeling like I crossed the line with my question.

"No, I'll tell you. It's just a question that people surprisingly haven't bothered to ask me," He replied quietly.

-a year and a half ago-

Nymos focus.

"Try not to hate me too much for making Lex work overtime on your birthday," Black shadow called over his shoulder as he walked away with a grin forming on his face when he heard me groan behind him.

"It's hard not to, fucker!" I yelled after him, watching the black shadow languidly draping his winter coat over his shoulders.

"But thanks for coming, bro." I grinned, lazily wiping the messily smeared buttercream icing off my cheek.

"We appreciate it."

"Of course, I'll come. You guys are family." He chuckled, walking towards the front door whilst reaching into the pockets of his coat in search of his lighter and the hand-sized box of cigarettes.

I was about to reply warmly back to my friend's statement when I was suddenly interrupted by someone flinging their entire, full weight into my side, throwing their heavy arms around me, and engulfing me whole in an overly tight bear hug.

My attention was immediately cast down on the mess in my arms.

"Kaden, your younger bro wishes you a happy birthday!" Jake exclaimed loudly against my neck as he clutched at my denim jacket. I almost instinctively wrapped my arms around my twin brother and laughed into his dark hair, responding with a muffled. "Happy birthday too, baby bro."

"No, happy birthday to you." Jake persisted in a croak before he started sniffling loudly and just as I had preconceived it, my baby brother broke down completely, sobbing and crying into my shoulder and weakly mumbling something along the lines of.

"Wish mom and dad were here to see us." And. "Fucking hell, aasshole, when did you get such a nice physique?"

Whilst Jake sobbed quietly and distractedly squeezed my left bicep, from his left, I heard Sam groans.

"Oh god, who the hell gave the sad drunk alcohol?"

"I'm not a sad drunk, asshole!" Jake protested tearfully, pulling away from me to glare at Sam through narrowed eyes before returning to my inviting arms and bawling like the sad drunk he is.

"Yeah, yeah, sure you aren't, dick." Sam smiled fondly, rolling his eyes when Jake mumbled a sequence of incomprehensible words directed at him. I, still laughing, comfortingly petted my baby brother's soft hair.

"Babe, come on, you're stifling Kaden." Ikari giggled, coming out from nowhere and resting her hand on Jake's back, patting him comfortingly.

The rather emotional Jake reluctantly shuffled away from me upon hearing Ikari's softly spoken words. But he doesn't let up at all on being a baby because the next thing he was doing, was crushing Ikari in a bear hug.

Making the startled, smaller girl stumble a few precarious steps backward as he tearfully choked out.

"I love you so so so much, Kari, you're the best."

Ikari, in reply, laughed softly, letting her emotional hulk of a boyfriend wrap his arms around her waist and draw her suffocatingly close to his chest.

"Love you." Jake hiccuped, "I love love love love you."

"Mm, I know you do," Is what she hummed to him as she reached up and soothingly ran her perfectly manicured fingers through Jake's tousled, jet-black locks. Glancing upwards, she met my warm eyes and she shivered under my gaze, smiling sweetly at me before mouthing.

"I'm gonna take him to the guest room and let him sleep it off. Is that okay?"

In response, I nodded and smiled gratefully at my baby brother's girlfriend before shifting my attention back onto a disgruntled Sam.

"There's something off about her today," Sam muttered, folding his arms over his chest as he followed Ikari's back with narrowed eyes.

"I mean, there's usually something off about her but today it's maximized a hundred times," Sam explained, flickering his calculative brown eyes onto me. "Hm, just be careful, Nym."

"Bro, you make it seem like she's a witch out to get me specifically." I laughed, shaking my head with disbelief.

"She is one," Sam muttered under his breath.

"Sam, Ikari's not gonna grow warts and green skin overnight and attack me in my sleep, okay? I think that is near impossible so stop worrying. She's a good person come on, you know that, you've seen her with Jake-she loves him with all her heart." I grinned, feeling happy about my baby brother's relationship.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Sam dismissed, relaxing his stance and shooting me a small smile. "Happy birthday, sexy, you've grown well."

"You've grown well and sexy? What the hell does that mean? Are you a simp for me? Lex's going to leak your nudes to the government if she finds out, and Asher is going to get jealous." I laughed, raising an eyebrow at Sam. He just simply smiled knowingly at me before glancing over his shoulder and calling his friend's name. Asher was currently strewn across my and Lex's couch, chugging down the celebratory vodka he had bought for me and Jake as a gift.

"Ash, for god's sake, quit drinking already. I don't wanna have to spend all night holding back your bangs whilst you throw up," Sam groaned out loud as he walked away from me and towards Asher who giggled at Sam, not-so-discreetly tucking the bottle of alcohol behind his back and chugging some more.

I tore my attention off the 'couple' when a small "ding!" emanated from the phone in my palm, indicating that I'd got a notification. Glancing down at my phone, I smiled at the instant heartwarming message sent to me by Lex.

Baby L.

I might've missed out on your birthday party but I'm determined! To! Finish! Hacking this godamn database within an hour so we can celebrate your birthday a little before midnight comes. ;) Save me some birthday cake and alcohol if the dickwhores haven't downed it already!

Baby L.

So see you in an hour! I love you, my dumb idiot. <3

Baby L.

Oh and if Jake's still there at the apartment, tell him I said happy birthday and I love him lots and that his birthday gift's in the back of our wardrobe!

I pocketed my phone, smiling at my petite girlfriend's message. I was still smiling to myself like an idiot when I waved goodbye to an annoyed Sam and his bumbling drunk of a friend or boyfriend, we will never know. I was still smiling when I locked the door after them and moved to my hideously untidy kitchenette, fumbling around with the now-empty takeaway boxes of greasy pizza and the stray, half-melted candles decorating the kitchen countertops.

"Hey, there."

I glanced upwards at the sound of Ikari's greeting, offering her a small smile.

"Is Jake asleep?"

"Mhm," She reassured, "He's off to dreamland and snoring the entire way."

"Yeah?" I chuckled, heading towards the kitchen's bin and dumping the pizza boxes by its side, setting it as a reminder for me to take the trash out tomorrow morning. Remembering her presence I glanced back up at her.

"Oh hey, if you're tired, feel free to stay the night here with Jake. There's no need for you to make the journey back to yours so late at night."

"Thanks." Ikari grinned.

"No worries."

"Oh, and, Kaden, honey? You're not meant to clean up on your birthday," She hummed disapprovingly, shaking her head as she fully walked into the kitchenette's small space, her cream-colored heels click-clacked against the tiled marble floor.

"It's the unwritten rule." She laughingly announced as she strode over to the steel beast of a refrigerator, opening the appliance up and procuring more of Asher's celebratory iced vodka. Her neatly painted, red fingernails encompassed the glass neck of the bottle, its hand waving the said item tauntingly at me.

"I don't think that rule applies to the boyfriend of my beautiful baby Lex," I chuckled to myself, rolling up the sleeves of my thrasher hoodie and dutifully resuming my self-assigned task of cleaning the kitchen.

"Better to clean this all up than have my baby whining my ear off tomorrow."

"Oh, I'm sure Lex could let this pass," Ikari assured, walking towards the kitchen island where I was situated and she leaned against the polished counter.

"Come on birthday boy, I haven't seen you drink at all during the party." Ikari coaxed. Softly, settling the bottle of vodka down on the countertop with a pleasant 'clink'.

In reply, I raised a dark eyebrow at her persistency-to which she fluttered her eyelashes in response, smiling innocently.

"I really shouldn't-"

"Have one sip as least."

I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Just one sip?"

"Just one sip." Ikari agreed, handing me the bottle of alcohol for me to pop open. I did it with a soft sigh before lifting the opened bottle to my lips, tipping my head back, and swallowing more iced alcohol than just a mere sip.

"Thanks, Ari, but I think I should finish up on-"

"Come on, Kaden," Ikari drawled, gazing at me through her lashes, "Don't make me drink all this by myself."

-present-

"Next thing I know I'm in the hospital for alcohol poisoning and my friends and family fucking hate me." I sighed, almost tiredly. I glanced at Mc, "Screaming baby, I never intended to drink that much, and I never intended to do anything with Ikari. That night, I had no fucking clue what I was doing, I wasn't moving off my own accord. The selfish bitch just kept pouring alcohol down my throat until I was so fucked I could barely think."

"For fucks sake, I didn't even realize, she had drugged me and manipulated me into her selfish game. I broke my brother's and Lex's hearts. But the worst thing is she had recorded something when I was unconscious, and she pretended that I was harassing her. She told me everything when visited me in the hospital and told me she'll post the video online if I tell Lex and Jake the truth."

"God she's so fucking disgusting," Mc stated quietly. She looked up at me. "Why haven't you tried to talk with them still?"

"As soon as I was discharged from the hospital, I tried to meet up with Jake and explain what'd happened but he didn't let me speak, didn't even bother opening the door when I went around to his apartment. And then Black shadow who took Lex in didn't allow me to speak to her. All of our friends stopped talking to me after they found out what I 'did' with Ikari. I didn't have anyone apart from fucking Sam who kept staying over at mine. Yeah, he's the only one who knew the truth and kept it to himself when I begged him to. I was an idiot, I should've found a way to tell them. Now they're just hating me."

"You're not an idiot. You were alone and hurt. I knew you weren't the bad guy and Ikari was the bitch in your story."

I looked momentarily startled by her words. I wasn't expecting Mc to believe my words so easily let alone console me.

"And Kaden," Mc mumbled, gnawing on her lower lip, "You didn't give consent. So what Ikari did to you is sexual assault. You, you need to explain this to Jake and-"

Mc focus.

"I know what she did," Nymos mumbled and I noticed his blunt nails digging into the soft leather of the steering wheel as he spoke softly.

"But I'm not gonna file a complaint because it's kinda unfair, don't you think? Me getting her charged with sexual assault when I've done so much worse? Screaming baby, for god's sake, I once worked for a fucking human trafficking ring when I was eighteen."

Swallowing hard, I looked away from him at that, feeling so fucking angered, disgusted even, by what he just claimed. Looking plenty disgusted himself, Nymos continued speaking with his nails burrowing crescents into the leather of the steering wheel.

"And, I've already thought about explaining it to Jake or Lex but after really thinking it through. I've decided not to tell them because I despise nonconsensual sex, and I don't even remember what I told them that night, yeah. But in a way, I've still cheated on my baby bro and Lex. It's, it's just pointless now to explain my situation back then and try to win them back. It's been a year and I don't want to open the old wound I caused especially to Lex."

I didn't reply to his words and Nymos made no effort in trying to change my response from me. We both sat in the car in heavy silence and air too thick to breathe in without feeling suffocated.

Isa's passive-aggressive growls can't even mask the tension within the car as she was sleeping peacefully in her carrier.

"Do you, do you love her?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," Nymos replied firmly without a second thought.

"Then why aren't you still with her? Why are you not trying to win her back?" I asked simplistically, staring at his side profile as he was driving. "Win her back already and make amends with your friends."

"It's-" Nymos sighed, "It's not that easy, screaming baby."

"You make it sound like Lex is nothing to you anymore. But she's indeed your life support." I turned away, mumbling, "Maybe she's mad and hurt but I know that she loves you too, she even trusted you with her pup."

Nymos didn't say anything for a few seconds and again, I didn't press him for a response. I rested my head against the headrest of my seat and stared out of my window at the scenery flitting by until Nymos spoke up.

"... I know that she loves me. But I am bad for her." Nymos murmured, not looking at me but keeping his eyes on the road ahead. "That's why I keep my distance from her. I pretend to be playful and we end up having one-night stands and all. I'd rather suffer instead of hurt her."

Furrowing my brows, I swiveled my head to face Nymos.

"What?

He sighed.

"I'm not a good person, screaming baby. I'm a bad guy, and bad guys never get the good things they don't deserve it. It's practically a written rule that they should never get the girl, or in this case, Lex. They don't get good friends or a nice, easy life. I don't deserve to have Jake or Lex, I deserve nothing, of course, I try to stick by them but-. Do you..." He exhaled tiredly, "Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"That has got to be the most idiotic ideology I've ever heard in my entire life."

Nymos frowned at my strong words.

"Screaming baby, I-"

"Yeah, you're a bad guy. But so is Jake. He does bad things for a living, but that doesn't stop me from loving him, does it? Kaden," I exhaled, "Love has no bounds." I started almost fiercely. "Just because you're bad, it doesn't mean you can't love and be loved."

He didn't say anything in response.

The two of us were quiet after that. He was driving silently and I was resting my elbow on the ledge of the window, cupping my palm and staring past the glass. The radio was still on, playing so softly that it was not soon before it lulled me to sleep.

Nymos focus.

I noticed her head tilting forwards and jerking back suddenly with her bleary eyes blinking in bewilderment at her surroundings before closing once more.

"Screaming baby, if you wanna lie down, you can sleep in the back with the rabid bitch." I suggested.

"I'm okay," It was what Mc replied softly but made no movement to climb into the back. I quirked an eyebrow at this but let her doze off, not bothering to wake her up.

Five minutes later, whilst in traffic, I reached into the back for my denim jacket that lied across the seats and picked it up, balling the item into a makeshift pillow for Mc to use. Unbuckling my seat belt, I leaned over to cup Mc's cheek, lifting her head slightly to shuffle my denim jacket under before letting her go.

I smiled when I noticed Mc cozying up to my makeshift pillow. Drawing the seatbelt over myself, I turned away, still smiling.

"Thanks screaming baby. Thanks for believing me." I murmured.

Isa decided to wake up at that moment, immediately starting her bout of incessant growling. I rolled my eyes and replied to her.

"Oh, fuck off."

Mc focus.

I stirred in my sleep at loud laughter coming from my left, the sound of persistently loud chatter made me reluctantly open my eyes and blearily study my surroundings.

Isa yippee excitedly behind me, causing me to tear my gaze away from the denim jacket sitting on my lap as a crumpled mess, at Isa's little barks. I looked over my shoulder to see the small pup looking up at me expectantly, pink tongue lolling out of her mouth.

I was surprised, to say the least when she started whining, nudging at the latch of her pet carrier dejectedly-so dejectedly, it pulled at my heartstrings and I immediately found myself reaching for the latch. I stopped myself short though, remembering this morning when she looked like she wanted to dismember me.

Isa whined again making me feel conflicted.

"Please don't bite my fingers off." I finally said, sighing before reaching for the pet carrier with shaky hands, unlatching it slowly, and allowing the pup to gingerly nose the front open. Delighted, she barked in what presumed its joy. Cute.

"Hey," I peered to my right when I heard Nymos by the car door opening. I sleepily watched him slide into the driver's seat, a packet of strawberry laces in his hand which he soon proffered to me.

Still half-asleep, I took the packet and simply held it in my hand, yawning.

"Are we nearly at my angry bird place?" I murmured, finally looking out of the window to see that we were currently parked at a busy petrol station and the cacophony that had woken me up and the smell of petrol that I now wrinkled my nose at. I wasn't one of those people who liked the smell of petrol.

"Yeah, we'll be at his in around thirty minutes." He hummed nonchalantly.

I, suddenly awakened, swiveling my head around to face Nymos with my eyes widened and jaw slackened with surprise.

"What? Thirty minutes?"

"Yeah, it's-"

Isa barked at Nymos. He glanced at the pup through the rearview mirror and immediately sharply inhaled at the sight of her proudly parading around atop the backseats of his car.

"Who the hell let the rabid bitch out?"

"I did," I muttered, distracted with tearing open my packet of strawberry laces, "She looked sad."

"Oh god, oh god, don't make eye contact with her," Nymos told to himself, "Don't make eye contact. Making eye contact with her is like challenging her to pee all over the seats. Or worse she's gonna claw the leather upholstery apart-"

"She seems sorta sweet," I said, chewing on a strawberry lace. "Come here, isa," I said, setting my gifted confectionary down on my lap and reaching carefully for the elated ball of caramel-colored fluff that practically jumped into my arms.

Giggling, I pulled her close to my chest before turning around to beam at scared Nymos.

"Fuck, screaming baby. She turned you over to the dark side-"

I burrowed my cheek against her soft fur and rolled my eyes at his words.

"Oh, don't be dramatic, Kaden."

Isa glanced up then and Nymos could swear the puppy was smirking at him.

Thirty minutes passed by in a flash.

Panicked I scarf down my strawberry laces, hurriedly shoveling them into my mouth and only slightly choking on them. I dismissed the concerned expression Nymos was wearing on his face when he glances over at me.

I climbed haphazardly into the back, taking isa with me and settling in the back seats with her. Nymos frowned at me through the rearview mirror, wordlessly questioning my actions with furrowed brows.

Completely oblivious to his quizzical eyes on me. I set isa on the leather seat beside me and once she was comfortable, I moved quickly to work on my appearance. I re-tucked my white tee back under the waistband of my jeans, throwing it atop the striped sweater I'd taken off earlier when it got too stuffy in the car, and carefully retied the laces of my sneakers.

I felt a little shy though when I unzipped my backpack and draw out my small vanity bag-feeling a tad bit self-conscious about the possibility of Nymos playfully teasing me for trying to look my best for Jake. But all Nymos said when I applied my moisturizing face cream was.

"Damn, that smells like fucking roses."

I smiled at his words.

Satisfied with my efforts, I climbed back into the passenger seat, not bothering to take isa this time as she was too busy gnawing away at one of the seatbelts much to Nymos' chagrin.

I draw my seatbelt over my chest, settling against the leather upholstery and sigh softly as my lidded eyes study the slow sunset taking place outside, the grey winter sky now consumed with soft pinks and delicate purples that had me smiling subconsciously.

"Excited?" Nymos asked, smiling.

"Mhm. Nervous too."

"I'm excited too," Nymos grinned. "I don't have to deal with you and Jake moping around me anymore."

"Oh, shut up," I laughed. "I know you've enjoyed this."

"I have, I have." Nymos agreed, chuckling.

I started biting my nails distractedly, staring at the sunset absconding behind silhouetted skyscrapers that tower overhead, resembling large, black, ugly shapes. I swallowed nervously.

Nauseating nerves overwhelmed me, easily outweighed my excitement from before.

I feared I was going to throw up. There are two minutes left.

There is one-

"Alright, we're here."

"What?" I choked out, straightening up in my seat and watching Nymos unbuckle his seatbelt with a grin on his face.

Busy with overthinking the idea of Jake casting me away with a look of distaste and a new partner on his arm, I hadn't even realized Nymos had pulled up to a six-story apartment that exuded the amount of wealth invested into the building.

What was stunning about the apartment was its sleek, smoked glass that covered a good two-thirds of the entirety of the building, the glass easily reflecting the city's bright lights and creating a kaleidoscopic effect of a thousand differently colored lights playing on the glass.

"Oh fuck," I cursed, turning away to face Nymos who already had opened his car door, slipping out without a word to me.

Panicking, I hurriedly opened my door and stumbled out, swearing under my breath when I nearly tripped over my own feet.

"Fuck, fuck. Kaden, I can't do this." I breathed, locking eyes with Nymos over the roof of the car.

"Yes, you can, screaming baby," Nymos replied, leaving his car door slightly to check on isa.

"But, I- Wait! How do I punch someone?"

Nymos quirked an unimpressed eyebrow at me.

"Is this necessary to know right now?"

"I swear this is necessary." I quickly said, resulting in Nymos. He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Make a fist like this- Not with your thumb tucked away, okay? Because, like I don't know? Some bad shit could happen to your thumb?" Nymos sighed sounding resigned.

"Screaming baby, you really shouldn't ask me this since I've dislocated my thumbs, fractured my hands, and bruised up my fingers way too many times to count."

I was oblivious to his warning and only focused on balling my hand into a fist like how he had demonstrated it. Nymos rolled his eyes at this.

"Alright. You practice, making a fist while I call up Jake and make sure he's at home."

"Wait, what?" I halted my ministrations, frowning at Nymos. "You drove us out here and you don't even know if he's at home??"

"He will be, he will be. Don't worry."

Jake focus.

I regretted not bringing my leather jacket with me to the convenience store opposite my apartment complex. Because now I was shivering in the winter weather, my nose and cheeks colored a soft red courtesy of the wind.

I sighed at my stupidity, lifting my lit cigarette to my mouth, inhaling the grey tendrils that creep down my throat and burn in its wake, at least now I had my cheap cigarettes to warm me.

Exhaling softly, I crossed the road, haphazardly. Ignoring the angered drivers I left behind, pressing their horns aggressively and spitting harsh insults in my direction. I didn't bother replying, just lifted my cigarette to my mouth and breathed in its dangerous fumes, continuing walking.

I was in one of those moods. One where you're oblivious not passive to almost everything. You just don't care about anything. I didn't care for the winter weather biting my fingertips numb. I didn't care for reporting that twelve-year-old kid who stole a packet of strawberry-flavored bubble gum. I didn't care what brand of cigarettes I wanted to smoke. I didn't care now for the crude words a middle-aged man threw at me from his cruddy-looking ford fiesta.

I continued walking, walking down the pavement towards my apartment complex, smoking my cigarette distracted. However soon I was broken away from the trance I seemed to have fallen into when my phone vibrated quietly in my pocket.

Taking my phone out of my pocket, I swiped a thumb over the damaged screen. Courtesy of when I was in one of those moods, angry, frustrated, and desperately needing an outlet to vent my rage into. I placed my phone against my ear, listening and smoking.

"Hey, bro? Are you at home right now?"

Nymos said at once, almost excitedly. Rolling my eyes at the realization that Nymos was calling me. I sighed, replying with.

"Why do you wanna know? Are you coming over again with another one of your shitty mixtapes?"

"Shitty? Excuse me, you fucking love that mixtape, and no. Unfortunately for you, I'm not here with another one of those mixtapes."

"Then why the fuck are you coming over?" I grunted, stepping into the private parking lot allocated beside my apartment complex, walking past parked cars, and smoking.

"Wow, I'm hurt. Can I not visit my favorite brother without an ulterior motive?"

"First of all, you only have one brother, fuckass."

"And that's you! What a lucky boy."

"Kaden, I'm not in the mood to deal with you today so-"

"But I brought you something!"

"If it's not food, you're not coming in."

"Well... I guess you could consider it to be food."

"What the fuck does that mean?" I snorted.

"Because you could eat her between her le-Ow! What the fuck, screaming baby?"

I frowned, hearing indistinct, angry muttering over the phone but waited impatiently for Nymos to return to our conversation. Whilst waiting, I placed my cigarette between my lips, using my now free hand to run it through my tousled hair. Contemplating distractedly whether or not I should cut my overgrown mess of hair.

"Sorry, so sorry about that." Nymos wheezed, sounding ready to burst into a bout of laughter. I raised an unimpressed eyebrow despite him not being able to see me.

"Kaden, if you've seriously bought me a prostitute, I'm gonna-"

"Hahahaha, he thinks you're a prostitute-Ow! Fuck! Screaming baby quit it!" More angry muttering ensued, causing me to sigh. I was tired already of this conversation.

"Kaden, I'm hanging up."

"No, bro wait! I gotta- Hey, is that you?"

"Huh?" I frowned, glancing at my surroundings but I was utterly unable to identify if there was anyone around what with the weak, artificial light of the streetlamps limiting my sight to only my nearby surroundings.

"Shit, hold on." With that, Nymos hung up abruptly, without another word.

Furrowing my brow at the rather crude conversation I just had with my twin brother, I slid my phone back into my jeans pocket and with a sigh, I dropped my cigarette to the cemented ground below, purposefully crushing the cigarette to a stub underfoot.

I walked my way towards the entrance of my apartment, praying that there wasn't a- God save Nymos if more than one prostitute was warming my bed for tonight.

Shaking my head at the rather absurd thought, I was about to climb up the few steps leading up to the entrance of the building when someone timidly tapped me on the back, causing me to glance over my shoulder and- And abruptly get hit in the face by a fist.

Somewhere to the far left of me, I swore I could hear Nymos choke out an

"Oh, shit!"

Almost at once, pain pulsated throughout my nose, causing me to cry out, alarmed. Stumbling back and nearly tripping on the steps behind me, instinctively, my hands fly to my face, protectively cupping my nose, seething with both blinding pain and rage.

Who the hell dares to attack someone from behind? A coward, that's who.

My eyes blazed with fury, I looked upwards with pure anger thrumming through my veins, looking ready to swing my fist at my attacker when-

"Mc?" I breathed, with my eyes widening.

Mc fucking Estrada was standing a couple of steps before me with her tiny balled-up hands trembling by her sides, her shoulders were shaking with sobs she failed to suppress and her eyes were shiny with tears. That fell steadfastly down her cheeks, staining them. My breath instantaneously got caught in my throat.

"M-Mc? What-What the?" I choked out, all of sudden incapable of making eligible sentences for myself. Out of shock, my hands fell from my face, causing Mc tearfully wince at my now bloodied nose.

"Y-you! You were supposed to come back for me, you asshole!" Mc cried out, "Y-you were supposed to come back! I waited so many months for you!"

"Mc, fuck. Mc, I'm so- I'm so sorry." I breathed with tears prickling my eyes, "I'm so sorry for leaving you alone. I- fuck, I'm sorry. So sorry, baby."

Mc cried harder at my words, stumbling blindly towards me and reaching out for me. Her hands found purchase on my white tee and used her grasp on the soft cotton. Mc drew herself into my inviting arms. I wrapped my arms around her almost instinctively.

Now, I almost sobbed when I ducked my head slightly, burying my face in the junction of Mc's shoulder and inhaling vanilla and freshly washed cotton sheets. A scent I've missed sorely over these past few months.

"Fuck, baby. I missed you so much." I croaked out with tears falling freely from my eyes.

"I missed you too, angry bird."

I can't tell if I was laughing or crying at her words but I pulled away from her neck a little reluctantly though and lifted a hand to Mc's cheek. Cradling my face when I caught her tears with my thumb.

"Sorry for punching you on the nose." Mc breathed out shakily, her eyes flickered downwards with evident embarrassment on her face.

I chuckled softly in reply, tilting Mc's chin upwards so I could meet her gaze.

"It's okay, baby. I deserved it."

"Hmm," Mc nestled her head against my neck, finding relief in my touch and the slight warmth I emanated. I murmured something softly in her ear and noticed in the corner of my eye, Nymos leaning against the side of his car with arms folded over his chest and smiling at the two fondly.

I had caught his eye and mouthed a "Thank you. Thank you so much." To him. He simply chuckled to himself, shaking his head slightly when Mc started crying again.

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #jake x mc #mc and jake #duskwood family #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfiction

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eternallyanxiousandstressed · 2 months

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Okay, so the tea on the tax situation

So it's well known that in America, being married you get benefits come tax season when you file jointly. It's great, especially if you have a kid! You usually get a much bigger refund, but you have to file jointly to get those benefits... which is what Ratboy and I agreed to do

Then he turns around and tells me to file separately because it'll give a bigger refund? (False). But I can't argue because I'd have to have his W-2s to file jointly for us and he'd have to send pictures of them to me for that so...

Anyways he has the audacity to try and claim Luke (which heavily increases your refund by the way). One, I fucking BIRTHED the kid that year and for awhile we were fully reliant on my income??? you know, the income from my maternity leave??? Because he didn't have a job AND WASN'T APPLYING. Anyways, so I get a new job after my maternity leave is over because fuck Amazon. I was working full time making $18.50/hr (i think). He worked maybe 20 hours a week minimum wage ($16.50 ish). I ended up losing that job because of an at the time undiagnosed chronic illness. I instantly applied for jobs and got an interview. I started the next month. The whole process took me a month, and then I was at full time again! I ended up leaving that job at the end of September (Ratboy left his job too) because we were planning to move states but that didn't work out and also I'm applying for disability. In all of that time I was working I had to put all my money towards keeping a roof over our head and I was constantly buying stuff for Luke if I had to. But yeah... Luke was Ratboy's dependent...

Turns out I need his W-2s anyways because filing separately in the state we're in means we have to take stupid extra steps and it's bullshit. So once I explain this to him, he reveals he hasn't filed his yet and he needs to look at it because it was "being weird).

Motherfucker I swear, this asshole texts me today in response to me reminding him I need my W-2s saying not to worry about it because he's gonna file jointly because it'll give more. But this asshole said he was gonna be getting fucking $6000 filing separately. Wanna know about what I was gonna get? $450

So he was trying to majorly screw me over. Like fucking majorly. And now he's going to do our joint taxes and I swear to god if he tries to not give me my share of the money for WHATEVER reason I will be finding a way to kick his ass

Because with my portion of the refund? I'd probably have enough to sustain myself until I got the info on if my disability was approved or not. So... I could divorce him. And oh boy do I want to divorce him. The shitty thing is, we don't have room for Luke here at my dad's. If we did? Well, my dad was majorly fucked over when him and my mother got divorced... so he knows exactly what there is to fuck someone else over.

Maybe I'll wait to divorce Ratboy until I have room for Luke...

#the tea

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vanosslirious · 6 months

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BBS Dialogue Prompts: #300

BBS Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 8 ]

SMII7Y

He absolutely fell on us.

You know, I’d really just appreciate it if someone gave me at least a little bit of pills.

You fucking addict.

This is why you listen to me, baby.

All I did was push him in the right direction.

Wait, he just robbed you?

Bro, you just knocked me out of the universe.

Are you going to get mugged?

He fucking got your ass.

Why are you panicking so much?

I saw you slow down, you little bitch.

I knocked it all out of my system.

This looks a little questionable.

Triple high-five, triple high-five.

We gotta count it down, bro, we can’t just go for it.

Can you just get your hand ready for a high-five, please.

I’m going to grab these vials, because I feel like we’ll need them.

Gimme those fucking pills.

I’m fucking traumatized.

Let’s OD him on blood.

VANOSSGAMING

Shoot anything that moves.

No cheap deaths, starting now.

That goes for all of us.

No, no, in the game, not in real life...

I actually think it's funnier not seeing what's happening.

Stop looking up answers, I want to figure out some stuff.

I gave you false hope.

I didn’t know that either.

What are you doing down here?

This is your plan?

BLARG

He looks so cute.

Yeah, I brought the wrong vehicle.

I lost you guys, I don't even know where the fellas' are.

Somebody rear end me.

I'm flying over my own yacht right now.

Oh my God, it brought me back to the start.

It's the police!

Is it stormy, why is it so dark?

Let's fill him with pee.

Not a live bear.

TERRORISER

I dropped the thing when I screamed like a bitch.

Where did you buy that fucking headset?

Does this kill you?

I swear I heard something in that factory.

Get on a bike, get on a bike!

You better get up here.

I heard they're into weird ritual shit.

I was hitting them but they just wouldn't die.

Yes, I killed someone!

In the name of Satan…sorry.

GRIZZY

I'm not going for the helicopter.

Listen, I feel like my presence is enough.

Did you all see that shit?

Now we have to pay for my mistakes.

What are the rules?

You know that I will.

I make my own dumb decisions on my own accord.

Move, you fuck!

Stop running from me!

That's why I'm not looking forward to it.

H2ODELIRIOUS

The whole world is gone.

Come and get hugs for free!

Get the hell off of me!

Is he trying to steal my car?

He’s talking mad trash about my books.

Let’s get out of here before we get killed.

Don't worry, I got him.

Help me, I need backup!

By the way, we have no idea what the hell we are doing.

Come on, use your brain.

BIGPUFFER

Round the fuck up, boys.

I'm about to pay money right here anyway.

Ya'll mother fucker's will have to warp.

You just run over it.

I'm trying to catch the flies.

Why the hell would that be a dead end?

Okay, we're all even again, it's like nothing happened.

What happened, I thought you never lose.

I don't know what this game wants from me.

Catch me.

NOGLA

You’re ruining the sacred drug den!

One of these are going to save me!

Take heroin, we’ll all be together.

We might get angry and kill each other.

You gotta get sober now.

Oh, now I’m the one in the fucking sober hole.

Don’t do that, that’s bad, that’s immoral.

Thanks for absolutely ruining the experiment.

Oh, I shot him twenty times in the arm.

Why aren't you picking him up?

#banana bus squad #bbs #smii7y's group #smii7y #vanossgaming #blargmyschnoople #the terroriser #grizzy #h2odelirious #bigpuffer #daithi de nogla #bbs prompts #rpf #rpf prompts #tw swearing #tw drugs mention #text #words

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arcplaysgames · 1 year

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Seen here: Me IRL jumping because I was so concerned about Morgana that I fucking didn't notice Akechi was here until the little card icon appeared. BEIGE ALERT.

Akechi bro this is like not a good time but also i'm worried about missing flags for the extra content so I guess we can hang. (Morgana, I know you are going through a crisis rn but pls forgive me okay.)

man i haven't taken a bath in probably about 15 years, are they that good? my friend sent bath salts from japan, i should just try them. people are super into baths in this game.

oh because apparently they are some key to heart-to-hearts I guess???

wow that is a Lot

I was joking to cardiganism that something about Akechi makes me want to study him under a microscope. They said probably because out of the whole cast, he's the most opaque. Which, yep, honestly.

If the seed of Akechi's justice is wanting revenge for the mistreatment of his mother by his absentee father, that's... potentially high-minded?

Honestly a later moment from Akechi is way more interesting so I'll hold until then.

jfc are you my Vriska, what is this? what's the term? The pathologically competitive?

Is that true?

You know what's weirdly rare in video games? Liars. I feel like when it comes to quests for truth and understanding in games, the usual force pushing back is unrevealed information, not someone giving you false information. And in the games where outright lies are used, they tend to be used sparingly, as a second act twist that sets up the rest of the plot.

I think it's less common to have to deal with a character that just lies to you continuously without any real indication that you are being told a lie. Akechi itches at me because he's not, like, the Citadel Council keeping big secrets from the galactic community. He's a guy who is lying and I don't have any context for what the truth is.

Anyway, I guess it's time for the class trip.

... Mishima, I'm not going to nonconsensually change the heart of someone who cheats at video games.

WHY DOES NO ONE IN THIS GAME TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF BEING A PHANTOM THIEF SERIOUSLY? This is why I have always hated the Phansite and I especially hate the "rankings."

Also, I know this is shocking news, but I love Futaba. The realism of this is great.

Also hey I'm up to 9 for Yoshida, and is that the big reveal for every Confidant? That they totally knew you were a Thief the whole time? That'd be super funny. Bc I think Yoshida knows too.

DO NOT PULL A FUCKING NAOTO SHIROGANE, AKECHI, I SWEAR TO GOD. I WILL LEAVE YOUR ASS TO GET EATEN BY FOG.

I wanna reach through the screen and shake Reverie. Morgana is seriously on the verge of a breakdown, isn't comfortable reaching out for help, and you're LEAVING HIM FOR A TRIP TO HAWAII.

WHICH: SPOILER. SUPER SUCKS EXCEPT FOR YUSUKE ONCE AGAIN, SHOCKER

/puts head on desk and yells

they really did work to make joker the MOST pretty huh

god i thought the beach trip was boring but the hawaii trip actively sucks

it's just Ryuji wanting to get laid so bad he does splash damage of suck to everyone around him...

(what the fuck ryuji, chill the fuck out, this shit made me fucking uncomfortable)

Mishima literally refusing to talk about anything except the Phansite's Alexa Traffic ranking

And Yusuke being the fucking load-bearing column of this entire game I swear to god. He is the only reason I did not just press fast-forward and skip this ENTIRE section. It was miserable.

Atlus. Atlus. Atlus. Stop fucking punishing me for not having a romance locked in these games. This whole segment was more excruciating than Yosuke Hanamura's Joker Mode. I'm dead serious. It was less homophobic but something felt more homophobic to me specifically. I think because my was of reacting were much more locked down. Whatever.

God, send me back to Japan so I can check on the people I care about. (Ann, Yusuke, not you, I'll never be mad at you, I love you both. If I got to spend this trip having mai-tais with you, it would have been a blast.)

OH SIDEBAR:

motherfucker where have you been, I have been trying to talk to you since school started and you just blow me off! rude!

I don't think Maruki is a good therapist but I think he's decent with people. He notices Futaba and Morgana talking and uses it as a springboard for conversation. Or, tries anyway. Futaba is still working on being observed by other humans. We know how that is.

Then, Futaba sees that Maruki..... has a book on cognitive psience. And Sojiro immediately tries to throw him out but Futaba is like "chillax" and actually talks to him.

Maruki notices the past-tense and tells Futaba that her mother sounds cool and would be proud of her.

He's a nice guy.

However. He's working with Reverie to talk through basically the necessity of pain and trauma in people's lives, has mentioned wishing that pain was curable through more easily actionable means, and is toting a book on cognitive psience.

there is not enough side-eye in the world.

Hey Maruki, can I see your phone real quick, do you have a weird malware app on there?

Out of images, whup.

#p5 #persona liveblog

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autismserenity · 2 months

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i don't post about autistic parenting enough

I kind of figured, when our kid was born almost seven years ago, that I would post MASSIVE amounts here. Because that's what I did with my first kid, only on Livejournal. I didn't want to bore my (universally childless, we were 20) friends with constantly going on and on about the smol child I was coparenting, so I infodumped on LJ whenever I felt the need to.

But it was RIGHT in the peak of the ace discourse. (Happy uhhhh seventh anniversary of the shitstorm, everybody!!!)

And I was very terrified that if I even mentioned that we were about to have a baby, someone would doxx me and make false reports to CPS. Or threaten to, or claim they had.

Or even that they'd just screenshot and make a huge deal about it; that there would be hundreds of people on here gleefully faux-raging and faux-bemoaning me having a child because I was one of the people they'd targeted with the Fake Ace/Aro/Inclusionist Blocklist In Which Everyone's Accused Of Being Pedophiles.

Ok you know what, this is not a fun post to share a fun kid story on. I'm just gonna let this one be about the garbage dumpster fire that was 2017, and make an autistic parenting post separately.

In which case, I can go ahead and put back the story about why I remember that it's the seventh anniversary of the shitstorm! (Or was, three days ago.)

It started on Feb 18, 2017, for me.

I mainly remember this because it was my abusive dad's birthday. And his godawful stepdaughter-in-law chose that day to tell him that I was telling people, aka his stepchildren who had kids, not to let their kids sleep over because he was an abuser.

God almighty, she's a piece of work. This was AFTER she insisted on interrogating me, over the phone, about why I was saying he had sexually abused me, whether I really remembered it, what I remembered, et cetera. Because she had been "falsely accused" of sexually abusing a kid she babysat for, as a teenager.

Her story about it does not hang together very well - as you might imagine. It didn't make a lot of sense to me at the time, and I wasn't about to try to have a real conversation with her about it. I barely knew her.

Essentially, as I recall it, the kid had made some claims to his parents about her doing something to him, one night, that she swore never happened, and -- according to her -- the police talked to him and could immediately see that nothing had happened, yet somehow also, this made the news and was a big deal and ruined her life and her family had to move.

Given that my dad swears he never abused me, yet also does not understand sexual boundaries with others even as an adult and doesn't have the concept that he can harm people by violating those boundaries, I am skeptical of her tale. I think that it is absolutely and entirely possible for someone in that specific state to harm a child without thinking that what they're doing is wrong.

For anyone who's reading this in a cold sweat, terrified that they could abuse a child without meaning to: see, the thing is that you care. My dad, ultimately, does not care.

He doesn't WANT to hurt a child. But you know what's even more important to him than not behaving in a way that might harm the kiddies? Not having to accept that anything he does could ever be harmful.

You do not have that problem. The fact that you are even worrying about this proves that. My dad, in contrast, puts all his energies not into worrying about it, but into pretending it's not there.

But I made all the supportive noises, tried to reassure her that I was not trying to ruin my dad's life or something, and that I was describing things in good faith. And tried desperately to get out of the conversation I did not want to have, with the half-stepsister-in-law I barely knew, who had just had her second kid. While also giving her many ways she could protect her kids without, like, having to even believe me, and certainly without having to talk to him about it.

hahahaha yeah that didn't work.

Where my dad is motivated by denial, Amy is motivated by spite. So she told him, on his birthday. And my dad, the pure fool, texted me and accused me of having ruined his birthday.

Like bro. I'm just chilling at home. AMY ruined your birthday.

And iirc, it was that same day that someone jumped in my face claiming i was a """"pedophile"""" """"apologist.""""" the 2017 version of "groomer" i guess. honestly it's kinda impressive or something -- at the time I was like, "why are they reviving the 1980s arguments of the religious right??" but IN FACT THEY WERE JUST A COUPLE YEARS AHEAD OF THE CURVE!

makes me wonder if we could predict other far-right moves by watching these dynamics, or whether it was just a flash in the pan.

#wall of words #csa tw #abuse tw #depressing discourse

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mentaly-british-biologist · 5 months

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I love incorrect quotes, here's some I have:

These may include: Swear words

The fandoms included are: Undertale, Deltarune, Tf2 and Cuphead.

UNDERTALE

Sans: Papyrus taught me to think before I act. Sans: …So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

Papyrus, laying in bed: Get out of my room. Sans, standing just outside of the door frame: I’m not in your room.

Sans: Hey Papyrus? Papyrus: Yeah? Sans: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false? Papyrus: Papyrus: …What.

Sans: Have you heard of Murphy’s law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong? Papyrus: Yeah, I have. Sans: Have you heard of Cole’s law? Papyrus: Is this a joke about coleslaw? Sans: …maybe.

Papyrus: Sans told me that brown is just navy orange, and I have never been more disappointed with something I agree with.

Sans: I WOULD DESTROY THE WORLD FOR YOU! Papyrus: Okay, can you do the dishes? Sans: No!

Alphys: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Undyne: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Alphys: … Alphys: You mean ring bearER, right? Undyne: … Alphys: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Alphys: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives. Undyne: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train. Alphys: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Mettaton: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container. Papyrus: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

Papyrus: All snacks are gone. Mettaton: I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE?!

DELTARUNE

Susie: Twilight Sparkle was the main character because she represented the element of friendship— Kris, tied up: PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN! Susie: I'M NOT DONE! Susie: And Rainbow Dash was the sporty girl—

Kris: Kill me nowwwww. Susie: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.

Kris, drowning: Help! Susie: Don't worry, I heard cowards float.

Susie: You have any sunscreen? Ralsei: You can't get a sunburn from a bonfire— Susie: It's for my marshmallow ya dummy.

Susie: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes? Ralsei: For the dogs. Susie: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs? Ralsei: They don't know how.

Ralsei: Something’s off. Susie: Maybe you’ve finally developed human emotions and feel bad for hurting people. Ralsei: No, but that’s funny.

OH GOD IT GAVE ME T H I S

Spamton: I eat cheerios because they’re heart healthy. Spamton: And my heart has been severely damaged, so Jevil, if you’re out there—

Anyway.

Spamton, talking to Jevil: With all due respect, which is none…

Jevil: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here’s a throwback to when Spamton ate an entire tube of lipstick. Spamton, whining: But why would it be cherry-flavored if you can’t eat it?!

TF2

Demoman: Man, it smells like wrongdog out here. Soldier: ... Soldier: Demoman, are you alright? Demoman: sobs

Soldier: I’ve become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I’ve probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They’re the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this? Scout: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Scout: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Engineer: What do we say when making bread? Demoman, glumly: That's the dough rising. Medic: And what do we NOT say? Spy, sadly: That's the yeast fucking.

Engineer: I haven’t slept in 72 hours… Demoman: I haven’t slept in 80. I’m the insomnia king! Medic: Ha! I haven’t slept in 90 hours, I’m aiming for an even 100. Spy: What the fuck is wrong with you people.

CUPHEAD

Cuphead: watching their house burn down Cuphead: Cuphead: starts filming Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything.

Mugman, cowering in fear: What do you want from me?! Cuphead, standing in front of Mugman: bites into the whole KitKat bar like a heathen Mugman, crying: Please…stop…

Mugman: I trusted you! Cuphead: Why?

Cuphead: Do you ever feel like exploding? Have you experienced the urge to enter the process of combustion? Has your mind created a logical idea, known as thought, to disperse your body into thousands of particles suddenly? Mugman: It’s 3 am, please go back to sleep.

Mugman: Cuphead, I need some advice. Cuphead: You need advice from ME? Mugman: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

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fluffybunnybadass · 2 years

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testing pos for covid yesterday feels so surreal bc i SWEAR i have just a cold. not even like, in a denial way. just... in a fortunate way. every time i have to do those symptom screenings, i only say yes to like. 2-3 symptoms that can be part of like, literally anything else (cough/sneeze/congestion/ previously sore throat). and my body doesn't do the whammy of everything, just, like, one symptom a day shit. hell, i've been sick/symptomatic for like... 4 days (5 now i guess as of today) and like. fortunately no major, scary symptoms.

but i did two at home tests in case one was a false pos, and nope, stupid work done got me by putting me in a self checkout station now 8/

(the crowd does not go wild for this)

maaaaaaan, i'm so fucking pissed about that.

but fr tho, it doesn't compute. covid is this big scary life threatening illness sickness thing that causes life lasting damage and here i am, just like

cough harrumph achoo sniffle sniffle mouth breathing bc the fucking sinus pressure holy shit. the fucking punched-in-the-nose-by-sinus-pressure/issues and the fucking. one-sided throat irritation+ swelling at the beginning of the week (gone by end of next day) were like. the ONLY unusual cold symptoms for me. I barely even had a fever/unusual temps (1-2 degrees higher, if that).

I've literally been blessed with only getting cold-like symptoms thus far. and I hope to god that it stays that way. I'll have to get a "proper" test on monday, bc that's when the nearest testing cite is open for me (and bc sbux doesn't count home tests just yet 8) ), but at least it's walking distance so i don't have to worry about putting someone else at risk. or several someones, in the case of taking the bus.

seriously, i was more sick from food poisoning than this. my last cold at the beginning of the year was more sick. so, i'm just trying to assume good things, because it hasnt gotten worse, and would have by now, right?

if i just keep thinking of it like a cold and don't cause psychological damage to myself by thinking about it as covid (while maintaining my usual cautious safety standards anyways. because i've been masking this entire time and won't stop even after this), i should stay fine, right? i am just trying to keep myself from being psychosomatic ok. i have also struggled to remember that word ALL DAY today. my day also started at 2pm.

#covid mention #covid cw #health mention #medical cw #i'm mad but im also glad it's not worse #and yes it's absolutely what you think it is this time

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yelenabemylova · 2 years

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LETHAL POSER AU PART ONE

mobboss!natasha romanoff x reader

warnings: kidnapping, uhh idk just natasha being really dominant in a non sexual way (for now). each chapter will have it's own warnings

The dark walls surrounding you made your stomach drop when you awoke. You couldn't remember how you got there, nothing made sense to you. The complete silence led you to believe the room was soundproofed, although you had to stop yourself from thinking about why before you drove yourself insane.

A small stream of light beamed through the crack underneath the door, you weren't sure if it was natural or artificial. Vibrations could be felt intermittently when someone walked past, their shadow blocking the light momentarily.

Shackles bound you to a chair and your wrists ached from the tight metal strangling your limbs. The duct tape over your mouth was tugging at your skin when you tried to scream for help, the sting adding to your pain.

After what felt like hours of sitting still and waiting for an explanation of why you were here, a group of men walked in. One of them had a long syringe, grinning maliciously as he approached you, injecting some kind of serum into your neck, instantly putting you to sleep.

Waking up again, you noticed the change of room. You were in a well decorated office, an entire wall was made of glass, contrasting the previous room you were just in. Quiet typing alerted you that you weren't alone, so you opted to stay silent and not move a muscle.

"Good morning," a deep, raspy voice spoke from the other side of the room. Your breath hitched in your throat at the realisation that your who you could only assume to be your captor knew of your conscious state.

"It's rude to ignore people, you know?" she spoke again. "Where am I?" you tried to keep your voice steady. "You're in my office, darling," her sweet tone was trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

"Why?" you were too afraid to turn and look at her. "You're a curious one. So many questions," she slowly walked around the couch you were laying on, staring down at you with amusement shown in her expression.

Locks of ginger cascaded down her shoulders, little braids randomly weaved into her slightly messy hair. Her white blouse was neatly pressed as were her black trousers. Black high heels clicked underneath her as she walked.

The necklace that was clasped around her neck had a little hourglass on it, it was beautiful. Her fingers were covered with silver rings that glistened in the sunlight.

"You're a pretty little thing," she smirked as she used a finger to tilt your chin up towards her. "Why am I here?" you scowled. "Oh come on honey, lighten up. You can't hate me that much already," she scoffed.

You sighed, your tense muscles relaxing slightly when she cupped your cheek, "that's it, love. Let me take care of you." Refusing to give in so easily, you broke eye contact with her.

"Look at me," she gripped your chin tightly, forcing your head to face her. "You're stuck with me, get used to it," she spoke with such dominance.

Walking back over to her desk, she proceeded to ignore you as you did her for the next few hours. Trying to keep your breathing quiet and movements to a minimum, you were scared for your life, and the woman who's office you were in was aware.

When her phone rang, she shouted down the line, and you felt bad for whoever was on the other side of the call. A lot of swear words were exchanged as she scolded them for god knows what.

She put the phone down, muttering something about hating men, and sat down on the couch you were laying on. "I'm sorry, you're not supposed to be here," she sighed in defeat.

Though you stayed silent, she could feel the relief radiating off of your body. "Now what?" you asked her. "I could kill you," she made eye contact with you, chuckling at your intense fear.

"Don't worry, if you keep quiet, I won't touch you and you'll never see me again. I'll give you a check that will let you and your great grandkids live extremely comfortably even though you don't seem very materialistic," she vaguely gestured to your outfit, "especially not when it comes to clothes."

You scoffed, although you were very grateful for her letting you go. Not knowing what was actually going on or where you were meant that she wasn't worried about anything getting leaked, but she knew she would occasionally check up on you just in case anyone saw you come in. Something inside her made her want to protect you.

#marvel #avengers #black widow #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov #ybml writes #lethal poser #lethal poser au #dark #mob boss #mob nat #au

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marvelgeeklikestowrite · 2 years

Text

Okay so I recently finished reading Red White and Royal Blue and I am freaking in love with it.

Some of my favourite bits from the book (spoilers):

1. "So is that what’s happening now?” Alex says “Has he decided to finally shut me up by wooing my sister?”

“Aw, little buddy,” Nora says “It’s cute how you think everything is about you.”

“It should be, honestly.”

“That’s the spirit.”

2.Alex still doesn’t really know what kept drawing him back, only that he would sneak into June’s room and find the page and touch his fingertips to the boy’s hair as if he could somehow feel its texture if he imagined it hard enough.

Alex, honey, I don't know how to tell you this but that sounds kinda gay.

3. “Am I offending you? Sorry, I’m not obsessed with you like everyone else. I know that must be confusing for you.”

“Do you know what?” Henry says. “I think you are.”

Alex’s mouth drops open, while the corner of Henry’s turns smug and almost a little mean.

“Only a thought,” Henry says, tone polite. “Have you ever noticed I have never once approached you and have been exhaustively civil every time we’ve spoken? Yet here you are, seeking me out again.” He takes a sip of his champagne.

“Simply an observation.”

“What? I’m not—” Alex stammers. “You’re the—”

“Have a lovely evening, Alex,” Henry says tersely and turns to walk off.

Again Alex read the para before. You are obsessed with him, mijo.

4. He hears Henry mutter slowly, “Oh my fucking Christ.” He registers dimly that it’s the first time he’s ever heard the prince swear before the flash from someone’s camera goes off.

Sweetie, you just caused an international incident. Maybe worry about your crush, sorry arch-nemesis later?

5. “As your mother, I can appreciate that maybe this isn’t your fault, but as the president, all I want is to have the CIA fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term.”

Dear God, this whole family is dramatic 😂

6.“Look,” Zahra says, “Both sides need to come out of this looking good, and the only way to do that is to make it look like your little slap-fight at the wedding was some homoerotic frat bro mishap, okay? So, you can hate the heir to the throne all you want, write mean poems about him in your diary, but the minute you see a camera, you act like the sun shines out of his dick and you make it convincing.”

Zahra is the icon, the moment.

7. Nora says. “Sworn enemies forced to make peace to settle tensions between their countries? There’s something totally Shakespearean about it.``

“Shakespearean in that hopefully I’ll get stabbed to death,” Alex says.

Maybe if you ask Zahra nicely she'll do it for you.

8. Hey, what do you think Zahra put on my fact sheet?”

“Hmm,” Nora says, sucking her teeth. “Favorite summer Olympic sport: rhythmic gymnastics—”

“I’m not ashamed of that.”

“Favorite brand of khakis: Gap.”

“Listen, they look best on my ass. The J. Crew ones wrinkle all weird. And they’re not khakis, they’re chinos. Khakis are for white people.”

“Allergies: dust, Tide laundry detergent, and shutting the fuck up.”

“Age of the first filibuster: nine, at SeaWorld San Antonio, trying to force an orca wrangler into early retirement for, quote, ‘inhumane whale practices.’”

“I stood by it then, and I stand by it now.”

More of June and Nora roasting the shit out of Alex.

9. “I’m going to throw up on you,” Alex says as soon as Henry is close enough to hear him.

“Hello, Alex,” Henry says. “You look …sober.”

“Only for you, Your Royal Highness,” he says

“You’re too kind,” Henry says.

“This is idiotic,” Alex says, grasping Henry’s hand, “Let’s get it over with.”

“I’d rather be waterboarded,” Henry says. His eyes are big and soft and blue, and

he desperately needs to be punched in one of them. (sometimes I want to punch you in your perfect teeth) “Your Country could probably arrange that.”

Alex throws his head back and laughs handsomely, loud and false. “Go fuck yourself.”

“Hardly enough time,” Henry says

10. He finds Luna in his office, horn-rimmed reading glasses doing nothing to detract from his usual appearance of a movie star who tripped and fell sideways into politics. Alex has always suspected the soulful brown eyes and perfectly groomed stubble and dramatic cheekbones won back any votes Luna lost by being both Latino and openly gay.

How this boy ever thought he was anything but bi surmounts me

11. He clutches his chest. “You wound me.”

“You exhaust me.”

“I enchant you.”

“I’ll call security.”

“Fair enough.”

Luna and Alex <3

12. It’s meticulously scheduled by Shaan, with whom Alex is slightly obsessed, especially when

Henry texts him things like, Did I tell you Shaan has a motorbike? or Shaan is on the phone with Portugal.

Zahra would concur with Alex’s obsession with Mr. Shaan Srivastava

13 Alex rolls his eyes and sends back, the harrowing struggle of managing the empire’s blood money.

Henry’s response comes a minute later.

That was actually the crux of the meeting—I’ve tried to refuse my share of the crown’s money. Dad left us each more than enough, and I’d rather cover my expenses with that than the spoils of, you know, centuries of genocide. Philip thinks I’m being ridiculous.

14. Alex: “Put the turkeys in my room.”

Also, Alex: That night, as Alex stares into the cold, pitiless eyes of a prehistoric beast of prey, he has a few regrets.

THEY KNOW, he texts Henry. THEY KNOW I HAVE ROBBED THEM OF FIVE-STAR ACCOMMODATIONS TO SIT IN A CAGE IN MY ROOM, AND THE MINUTE I TURN MY BACK THEY ARE GOING TO FEAST ON MY FLESH.

15 . “Um,” he says. “How do you get a turkey to gobble?”

“Try gobbling,” Henry says, “and see if he gobbles back.”

Alex blinks. “Are you serious?”

“We hunt loads of wild turkeys in the spring,” Henry says sagely. “The trick is to get into the mind of the turkey.”

“How the hell do I do that?”

“So,” Henry instructs. “Do as I say. You have to get quite close to the turkey, like, physically.”

Alex leans toward the wire bars. “Okay.”

“Make eye contact with the turkey. Do you have it?”

Alex follows Henry’s instructions in his ear “Yeah.”

“Right, now hold it,” Henry says. “Connect with the turkey, earn the turkey’s trust ... befriend the turkey...”

“Okay...”

“Buy a summer home in Majorca with the turkey...”

“Oh, I fucking hate you!” Alex shouts as Henry laughs at his own idiotic prank and his indignant flailing startles a loud gobble out of Cornbread, which in turn startles a very unmanly scream out of Alex. “Goddammit! Did you hear that?”

“Sorry, what?” Henry says. “I’ve been stricken deaf.”

16. “I thought you’d kill me in a more personal way. Silk pillow over my face, slow and gentle suffocation. Just you and me. Sensual.”

“Ha. Well.” Henry coughs.

Alex, please. You are killing him!

17. “Oh my God, this is like all those romantic comedies where the girl hires a male escort to pretend to be her wedding date and then falls in love with him for real.”

“That is not at all what this is like.”

18. “Look, you should have invited him yourself!” June says, “It’s really nice you’re making friends who aren’t us. Remember last year when Nora and I were both out of the country for a week, and you almost got a tattoo?”

“I still think we should have let him get a tramp stamp.”

“It wasn’t going to be a tramp stamp,” Alex says hotly. “You were in on this, weren’t you?”

“You know I love chaos,” Nora tells him serenely.

“I have friends who aren’t y’all,” Alex says.

“Who, Alex?” June says. “Literally who?”

Jeez Nora, don’t call him out like that.

19.He has maybe wanted to kiss Henry for a while. As in, probably this whole time.

He ticks off another list in his head. Henry. Shaan. Liam. Han Solo. Rafael Luna and his loose collars.

Finally Alex's brain has decided to join the program.

20. “Do you mind?” Henry has the nerve to say.

“Shut your face,” Alex says

“You’re not going to kill him, are you?” she says.

“Probably not,” Alex tells her.

“What on God’s earth are you doing?” Henry demands.

“Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God,” Alex hisses.

“Should we—”

“What?”

“I mean, er, should we, I dunno, slow down?” Henry says, cringing so hard at himself that one eye closes. “Go for dinner first, or—”

Alex is actually going to kill him.

“We just had dinner.”

“Right. I meant—I just thought—”

“Stop thinking.”

“Yes. Gladly.”

“I’m going to die,” Henry says helplessly.

“I’m going to kill you,” Alex tells him.

“Yes, you are,” Henry agrees.

21.“I don’t suppose you’ll be anywhere near Kensington anytime soon?”

“That shithole?” he says with a wink. “Not if I can help it.”

“Oi,” Henry says. He’s grinning now. “That’s disrespect of the crown, that is. Insubordination. I’ve thrown men in the dungeons for less.”

Alex turns, walking backward toward the car, hands in the air. “Hey, don’t threaten me with a good time.”

22. “Hey, Henry, say the name of the house you’re staying at again.”

Pez turns the camera to catch Henry in a half smile.

“Llwynywermod.”

“One more time.”

“Llwynywermod.”

Alex groans. “Jesus.”

Alex is whipped.

23. O,fathers of my bloodline! O, ye kings of olde! Take this crown from me, bury me in my ancestral soil. If only you had known the mighty work of thine loins would be undone by a gay heir who likes it when American boys with chin dimples are mean to him.

Alex is not the only one who is dramatic.

24 . He notices David Beckham in a well-tailored suit—once again, how had he convinced himself he was straight?

We have been asking that question all along Alex.

25. He snatches a shirt and boxers at random from the floor, shoves them at Henry’s chest, and points him toward the closet. “Get in there.”

“Quite,” he observes.

“Yes, we can unpack the ironic symbolism later. Go,” Alex says, and Henry does.

26. Ellen: Finally my son is not going to cause any international incidents

Alex: " I kind of … met somebody.”

“It’s, uh,” he interrupts her. “It’s Henry.”

“Henry…?”

“Yeah, Henry.”

“Henry, as in … the prince?”

“Yes.”

“Of England?”

“Yes.”

“So, not another Henry?”

“No, Mom. Prince Henry. Of Wales.”

27. The first slide says: SEXUAL EXPERIMENTATION WITH FOREIGN MONARCHS: A GRAY AREA. Alex wonders if it’s too late to swan dive off the roof.

EXPLORING YOUR SEXUALITY: HEALTHY, BUT DOES IT HAVE TO BE WITH THE PRINCE OF ENGLAND? She apologizes for not having time to come up with better titles. Alex actively wishes for the sweet release of death.

The one after is: FEDERAL FUNDING, TRAVEL EXPENSES, BOOTY CALLS, AND YOU.

28. “Sorry,” Henry says. “I was looking for someone else.Handsome, petulant, short, not pleasant until after ten a.m.? Have you seen him?”

“Fuck off, five-nine is average.”

"You and I both know you’re rounding up.”

29. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Henry says. “Christ, Alex. The whole bloody time.”

“The whole time?”

“Since the Olympics.”

“The Olympics?” Alex yanks Henry’s pillow out from under him. “But that’s, that’s like—”

“Yes, Alex, the day we met, nothing gets past you, does it?” Henry says, reaching to steal the pillow back. “‘What about you,’ he says, as if he doesn’t know—”

“Shut your mouth,” Alex says, grinning like an idiot.

Idiots, both of them.

30. He asked why I was so intent on disrespecting the traditions of the men of this family, and I truly think I dissociated straight (ha) out of the conversation, because I opened my blasted mouth and said, “Because I’m not like the rest of the men of this family, beginning with the fact that I am very deeply gay, Philip.”

Eat shit Philip. Go Henry!

31. “I am your mother. I was your mother before I was ever the president, and I’ll be your mother long after, to the day they put me in the ground and beyond this earth. You are my child."

I fucking love Ellen Claremont, first woman President of the United States of America

32 . “Look, I’m only going to say this once, and if you ever repeat it, I’ll have you kneecapped.” She drops her hand, fixing him with a glare that manages to be both chilly and fond. “I’m rooting for you, okay?”

“Wait. Zahra. Oh my God. I just realized. You’re … my friend.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Zahra, you’re my mean friend.”

“Am not.”

Aww Zahra, you care for him! Alex I know you are happy about it but maybe don't tick her off when you have royally fucked up?

33."You can take your legacy and your decorum and you can shove it up your fucking arse,Philip. I’m done.”

Philip deserves a punch to his stupid face.

33. “So, uh,” Alex attempts. “Are you two in a fight now?”

Zahra looks at him. “No. Why would you think that?”

“Oh. I just thought because—”

“It’s fine,” Shaan says, still typing on his iPhone. “This is why we set rules about the personal-slash-professional lines at the outset of the relationship. It works for us.”

“If you want a fight, you should have seen it when I found out he had known about you two all along,” Zahra says. “Why do you think I got a rock this big?”

“It usually works for us,” Shaan amends.

“Yep,” Zahra agrees. “Plus, we banged it out last night.” Without looking up, Shaan meets her hand in a high five.

They deserve their own book!

34. “Nobody’s saying you don’t deserve to be happy,” Philip cuts in. “First love makes everyone mad—it’s foolish to throw away your future because of one hormonal decision based on less than a year of your life when you were barely in your twenties.”

Henry looks Philip square in the face and says, “I’ve been gay as a maypole since the day I came out of Mum, Philip.”

Again fuck Philip! And damn H!

35. “Of course they do, Mum. Of course the bloody Tories in Kensington and the Brexit fools don’t want it. That’s not the point. Are you so determined to believe nothing could change?

That nothing should change? We can have a real legacy here, of hope, and love, and change. Not the same tepid shite and drudgery we’ve been selling since World War II—”

“You will not speak to me this way,” Queen Mary says icily,

“No respect. Never an ounce of respect for the sanctity—”

“Or, perhaps I should bring some of my concerns to Parliament?” Catherine says, leaning in to lower her voice right in Queen Mary’s face. “You know, I do think Labour is rather finished with

the old guard. I wonder, if I were to mention those meetings you keep forgetting about, or the names of countries you can’t quite keep straight, if they might decide that forty-seven is perhaps enough years for the people of Britain to expect you to serve?”

The tremor in the queen’s hand has doubled. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t I, Mum? Would you like to find out? “Look at them, Mum. They’re not props of a legacy. They’re my children. And I swear on my life, and Arthur’s, I will take you off the throne before I will let them feel the things you made me feel.”

Catherine is amazing. The breakdown of the British monarchy in this book is a joy to read.

36. “Ellen,” Nora practically yells. The room goes silent, and Nora freezes, realizing. “Uh. Ma’am. Mom-in-law. Please, just. You need to read this.”

Nora saves the day!

37. “You are,” he says, “the absolute worst idea I’ve ever had.”

38.“Alex,” Henry tells him, “I can’t move to New York.”

Bea looks up. “Why not?”

“Because I’m the prince of—” Henry looks over at her and gestures at the Orangery, at Kensington, sputtering. “Here!”

Wow H, quite the Wordsworth.

39.“So … you’re afraid of wearing anything too flashy for your first post-coming-out trip home, on account of Texans’ delicate hetero sensibilities?”

Why is Nora fictional?

40. History, huh? Bet we could make some.

41. Do you feel forever about him?

42. "That’s the choice. I love him, with all that, because of all that. On purpose. I love him on purpose.”

43.I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.

And then, inexplicably, you had the absolute audacity to love me back. Can you believe it?

44. “I want you—”

“Then fucking have me.”

45. If there’s any legacy for me on this bloody earth, I want it to be true.

46. As a kid, he dreamed of love like it was a fairytale, as if it would come sweeping into his life on the back of a dragon one day. When he got older, he learned about love as a strange thing that could fall apart no matter how badly you wanted it, a choice you make anyway. He never imagined it’d turn out he was right both times.

#red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #june claremont diaz #nora holleran #ellen claremont #alex x henry #alexander gabriel claremont diaz #rwrb rp #long post

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cherrykindness · 3 years

Text

wild tweets |

pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader

summary: as newlyweds, you and harry read thirsty comments for buzzfeed.

warning: it's thirsty tweets, so below there is adult humor 😳

"It's a bright, sunny morning in Los Angeles, and there's nothing I want more than to be on BuzzFeed and read wild tweets alongside my husband."

"Thirsty tweets, babe." Harry corrected, laughing out loud with the producers behind the cameras.

"Thirsty Tweets." You said quickly, putting your hand over your mouth to stifle a giggle. "I'm terrible at that, I'm sorry. Can we start over?"

"Let's take a break for one to two minutes. You've given us a great introduction, Y/N."

You shook your head, smiling shyly before turning to Harry, who was already watching you with that easy smile at the corner of his lips. You liked how his hand remained firmly on yours, making those circular movements with the thumb that always served as a natural medice for your anxiety.

"You look so fucking beautiful."

The pleated dress with flounce sleeves fit you like a glove. You had made peace with the various shades of white since the wedding and knew that Harry liked to see you in that color too.

"Thank you, you're not too bad either, Styles."

You intimately suspected that Harry would always seem far beyond that "not bad" that came out as a euphemism from your mouth. He wore nothing but a pair of bell-bottom pants in a strong shade of blue and a soft vest printed with fluffy little sheep on a striped American collared shirt - in your opinion, no one could look better in farm animal clothing than Harry Styles and Princess Diana with her red "Black Sheep" sweater in the 1980s. In contrast, you knew your husband well enough to know that he was arrogant and knew exactly how hot he looked - you also made your thoughts clear enough when you kept him backstage beyond ten minutes in a rather heated kissing session.

"Are you anxious?" you asked curiously, remaining with downcast eyes fixed on the strokes that remained assiduous on your warm skin. "To read about how the whole internet dreams of fucking my wife?! Of course." Harry joked, leaning over to leave a small one on your cheek. "We agree on that, don't we? Although I'm a little nervous, I'm really interested to know all the crazy things they say about you. Everyone knows you're mine at the end of the day, that's enough."

At the end of the break, you and Harry made a silent agreement that you should be the first to pick up one of the scattered papers in the red pot. There were quite a significant amount of tweets, and as much as you were used to reading rather sordid things about your husband on the Internet, the excitement was there as if you were wading into uncharted territory.

"I would be a good girl all year round if Santa guaranteed me a threesome with Harry and Y/N Styles on Christmas Eve." You laughed, Harry staring at the camera with an expression close to the meme of the surprised Pikachu. "You guys are incredibly nasty, I love it."

"If that was the first one, I'm really worried about the next ones." Harry commented with a little corner smile, picking the next tweet out of the bucket. "I have an entire folder on Pinterest dedicated to Harry Styles' hands, and let me tell you why: those hands are art, and art needs to be recognized."

"What- Guys, you promised you wouldn't post my anonymous tweets here." You quipped with false reproach, laughing at your own stupid joke while everyone else in the studio did the same. "But I can't blame her, honestly." Shaking your shoulders, you opened another piece of paper. "Harry Styles finally confessed that he wrote Watermelon Sugar for Y/N!!!! Are you guys imagining the same thing as me?!!!!!! 🥵🍆💦"

"Exhausted emoji, eggplant emoji, and water emoji?" Harry frowned, staring at the tweet you held up. "I imagine you're in need of a vacation somewhere refreshing and you're craving a fruit that everyone eats like it's really a vegetable."

"That reminded me of that story-" You laughed, hiding your face on the table as Harry continued to offer a poker face to the camera, struggling not to keep up with you laughter. "I'm sorry, lovie, I have to share this with the rest of the world." You stated, wiping a few tears from the corner of your eyes. "Harry always wears those fancy suits to concerts, right?! Right! Turns out he looks really hot in some, like his ass molds perfectly into those tight pants and everything. I was home that night because I wasn't feeling well enough to face the big crowds, but I was still following everything on twitter. It was a concert in London, not so far from where we lived at the time, so it was obvious that he would come home after it was over. I follow some portals that do really fast updates of pictures, videos, etc; everything that happened at Harry's concert was on my timeline in a matter of seconds. When one of these profiles uploaded a picture of him with his back to the camera in a heavily accentuated black and white suit, I quickly sent him the image along with a peach emoji and then wrote "looks good tonight". He didn't reply to me until a few hours later, of course, but I obviously didn't expect a "ready for a Fifth Avenue peach salad for dinner?" and numerous cutlery emojis."

Harry rolled his eyes comically, indulging in laughter as did everyone else who occupied the backstage area.

"I'm against the eroticization of emojis." He said between uncompensated breaths, shaking his head negatively. "Let's go to the next ones, please, I'm already feeling exposed enough here."

"I like your old-fashioned spirit, baby." You assured him with a smile, laying on the sturdy shoulder hidden under the fluffy fabric.

Harry chuckled low, leaving a little kiss on the top of your head before selecting the next paper. The fans would die when that video aired, everyone was sure. You two easily forgot the cameras when you were side by side, and the public display of affection had never been a problem.

"My life mission is to look at someone the way Harry looks at Y/N and be reciprocated the way Y/N looks at Harry, then I could die happy." Harry read. "That was very good and healthy, thank you!" He smiled. "But don't settle for death in that case, please. Just make sure to keep that person around forever."

"Awn, we got so sweet now." You made a pout. "Thank you for sending us something so cute! I really hope you find the right person soon." Sending a kiss to the camera, you moved on to the next tweet. "I wouldn't want to get a golden ticket to visit Willy Wonka's factory, I would like to get a golden ticket to actively participate in Y/N and Harry Styles' Honeymoon.

"That was creative, so I will disregard the fact that you removed my last name from my wife's name." Harry joked.

"I will always be an Y/L/N." You flashed the tongue. "We had a great Honeymoon, but I know you guys already know all about it because there are pictures all over the internet of outings that I don't even remember existed."

"Even though we chose a rather reserved city, many paparazzi still managed to photograph some of our nights there." Harry agreed. "There was one particular day when we opted to have dinner at a restaurant near the beach. Y/N had found it even before the trip, it was pretty laid back and we could spend the evening at karaoke. I don't really remember what happened, but we woke up the next day with a terrible hangover, still wearing the clothes from the dinner and with several headlines saying that I was cheating on my wife in the middle of our Honeymoon with a blue-haired italian girl."

"That wig made me sexy, man." You blinked, laughing as you remembered the situation. "It's a shame the paparazzi only got low quality images, but I swear I looked really amazing that night. Italy, I miss you."

"We're coming to the end and I haven't had to ask production for a glass of water yet, thank you to whoever selected these tweets." Harry raised his thumb to the camera, smiling before turning his gaze back to the small paper he had chosen. "Y/N could literally punch me in the face and I would just bow down and thank them for it." He laughed. "She has heavy hands, so I would rethink that choice."

"It takes strong hands to be a superheroine." You blinked gracefully, referring to your works as a Marvel actress. "I move around a lot during the night, so I'll take this lovely opportunity to say that twitter can dismiss all the malicious theories about Harry always show up with a new bruise all over his body."

"Please stop making indecent assumptions while Y/N is aggressive with me at night only unconsciously, her father has access to social media."

You laughed, clearing your throat before reading the next obscenity aloud.

"I would sell all my possessions to have Y/N sitting on my lap for ten seconds."

"Oh my God." Harry laughed out loud, throwing his head back. "I should have said that in our wedding vows."

You shook your head, laughing low as you set the tweet aside.

"That was pretty funny and cheeky, I approve."

"Okay, looks like we finally got to the last one." Harry announced, waving the paper in the air dramatically before opening it. "Harry could literally crush me with those boots while fuc- I need that glass of water." He said dumbfounded, hiding his face between his hands after throwing the tweet over his shoulder. You laughed out loud next to the organizers, and meanwhile Harry leaned his head on your bust, staring at you still with wide eyes. "Please promise that we will be careful with our future children on the internet."

#harry styles imagine #imagine1d #imagine harry styles #harry x reader #harry styles x reader #harry imagine

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