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#Does this imply Steph Tim and Cass are all siblings?

arty-shadow-morningstar · 11 months

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Cursed idea I had in the shower.

Bruce gets hit with a sleeping beauty type of curse.

You know. Be asleep in a deathlike state and only be awoken by a true love kiss.

(Let's assume Zatanna can't do shit for that type of old magic used and that was the only cure)

But the question is who is Batman's true love?

Catwoman is first candidate. He was going to marry her once. It didn't work.

Then, Damian asked his mom. Talia Al Ghul. The woman Bruce did marry and even had a kid with. Nope.

So kids are starting to panic.

They have to find that one special someone Bruce loves but he's Batman.

He doesn't talk about his feelings ever and making him do it is like pulling out teeth.

So they starts calling people they thought Bruce had good chemistry with.

Wonder Woman raised an eyebrow at the batkids' request but does it anyway. Didn't work.

Zatanna also reacted the same way.

Leslie Thompkins does it after some badgering.

Both Harley and Ivy does it to humor them.

Then, someone (Tim) finds Bruce's diary from where he was a teenager.

In it, Bruce talks about his crush on this boy, comparing him to the sun. Took a while for Tim to come to the horrifying realization that Bruce was talking about Harvey Dent aka Two Face.

They somehow managed to get Harvey to kiss Bruce. It still didn't work. But the kids are kinda traumatized by how close they were to having Two Face as a stepdad.

Then, they realised that they were only focusing on Bruce's female romantic interests so they decided to get everyone Bruce ever had chemistry with.

Clark had to awkwardly do it in front of his wife when he just came over to the Batcave check in on his best friend.

Lois gave Bruce a quick peck on the lips, just to make things somewhat even. (There was an inaudible sigh of relief when Bruce didn't wake up)

"That is the closest to a threesome with Bruce Wayne I will ever get." Lois joked, making Clark choke.

Oliver Queen went to wash his mouth right after giving the kiss. Dinah made a show of it to make Oliver jealous. The two of them took off immediately afterwards.

Hal Jordan was ready to run as soon as he did the deed.

Barry politely declined and the kids didn't push him. Because it is obvious that he and Bruce just hold respect towards each other. Same with Martian Manhunter and Aquaman.

John Constantine laughed in their faces when he heard their request. Once he realised they weren't joking, he still did it anyways and afterwards dropped an innuendo that implied that he had kissed Batman before and maybe something even more. Stole another kiss and promptly got out of Gotham before Damian had time to grab his sword.

They got the Riddler who was confused (or riddled, excuse my terrible pun) the entire time because minding his own business, got kidnapped by the Bat brats in daylight, found himself in the infamous Batcave and told to kiss Batman. He quickly did what he was told and then asked to be taken back right away so he can forgot what just happened.

The Bats voted on whether they should get Joker before they all unanimously agreed to never bring that idea again.

So the Batkids tried everything to find Batman's / Bruce's true love.

But guess what woke him up in the end? The answer was them all along. (Not Batcest. Batcest shippers DNI.)

You know that scene in Maleficent where she kisses Aurora on the forehead and she wakes up. Exactly like that.

The kids having done everything they could. Have to come to the conclusion that Bruce was as good as dead. One of the boys, maybe Dick or Jason, says goodbye and one of the others give Bruce a kiss on the forehead.

Cass started it and Dick does it too. Damian in a moment of weakness, does the same. One by one, the kids kissed Bruce of the forehead as a sign of goodbye. (You know Steph and Jason does it out of sibling peer pressure.) They all gathered to say, "Bruce, we love you."

Then, the motherfucker had the nerve to finally open his eyes in that moment to see his kids crying around him.

Bruce loves his kids. ❤️

#dc batfam #good parent bruce wayne #he loves his kids so much #batfam shenanigans

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slothspamsstuff · 9 months

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On your sexuality post. Can you elaborate on why cass and tims interactions would prove shes into dudes, id get it if you used kon but TIM?? TIM AS IN HER BROTHER TIM?? I hope to god your not implying what i tbink 🤢

They're not related by blood you know... How is that kind of shipping disgusting in anyway if one does not think of them as brother and sister since oh, you know? They're not actual siblings! The only thing that's closest to them being siblings is Bruce adopting them and he isn't even their biological dad. I don't personally ship them fyi, but I just don't understand what is not right about him into her or vice versa if they are not related by blood?

I sincerely hope you do read the comics and I'm not saying for sure or if it's even a fact that they're into each other cuz you can never be so certain, but the hint is there. Fandom can be fun and enjoyable but sometimes maybe you're just forcing yourself into the headcanon that they're something like blood brother and sister which is not true at all. They're simply close in age, are colleagues in the comics and even if the relationship was retconned later on, it was still a thing written by DC so idk, it's official?! Like okay, maybe by that logic you implied right there, shouldn't Steph and Cass be siblings too, since Steph is literally Robin no.4 or do gods forbid them to be like siblings since they're quite often shipped together and they're best friends? Yeah I just don't understand what you're trying to tell me here.

Though the reason I don't ship them is because the idea of Cass dating her best friend's boyfriend just doesn't sit right with me but that doesn't mean it wasn't implied she might have been into guys too. And admittedly, I haven't caught up on Cass and Kon so I still have a lot of reading to do.

Okay, since you've asked, first off: Batgirl #18, their first platonic interaction after No Man's land.

Then secondly, War Games and Identity Crisis, Tim losing Steph and his father, Cass losing her best friend, and so they bonded over mutual trauma and loss. And they bonded in Batgirl/Robin: Fresh Blood.

Then we have these:

Batgirl #58

Red Robin #25

Ok to be fair, she stabbed Tim on that one.

And this one, idk which comic it's from but there you have it.

Also, Solo (2004) #10, a married couple.

Like come on, are you really gonna tell me I'm problematic when the comics do be drawing them interacting like this? If this isn't enough then I dunno, maybe you should spend more time researching on each of their interactions, or take time to read the comics then go back and tell me what is wrong with everything I said, honestly. And yes, I will read up on Cass and Kon to see more, but you really need to understand that the batfam is a found family and not strictly related by blood, except for the case of Damian, so let people ship whatever they want, even if it's not your thing, because they. are. not .related. by. blood!

#cassandra cain #tim drake #no i dont ship them #but be respectful to other shippings #that's all I have to say #sloth QnA

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sandsbuisle · 2 years

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Here’s how I think Alfred should die. (Yes, I’m aware he’s currently dead in the comics. But I disagree with it and hope he’ll be back, so here’s how I think his death should go)

I don’t want his death to be sudden or shocking. I want it to be long, I want everyone to see it coming, to see it as an inevitability. I want him to die of “old age” (in other words, I want him to die of health complications that you usually see in people his age)

Alfred is old. He’s apparently had a very exciting and fulfilling career in MI6 before retiring to become a butler, and it’s implied he’s been working for the Wayne’s since before Bruce was born. The man is old.

But I first want him to meet his great-grandchild. I want one of the bat-kids to become a parent. My preference is Dick or Babs, but I can understand Jason or Steph having one. (Tim, Cass and Steph are all still a bit young to be adopting a kid. If they find a kid in need of parenting, they should be the cool older sibling after Bruce adopts the kid. But while Tim is in a long-term, healthy same-sex relationship, and Cass I don’t feel is at the point in her character development that she’s ready for a serious relationship, I can see Steph becoming pregnant again, and this time deciding to keep the kid instead of putting them up for adoption. I can see her deliberating it, and deciding that she now has the support network, the financial stability and maturity to be a mother. Her dad is gone, she has Bruce and the rest of the Family, and she’s older and wiser. I could see her deciding she’s ready this time, could see motherhood being a part of her grand character arc, a mirror to how she was when we first met her, but better. I’d still prefer Dick or Babs, or even Jason)

I want the good news to be mildly dimmed by Alfred’s failing health. I want him to slowly get worse, and I want the rest of the family to start worrying about life without Alfred. I want them to struggle with figuring out how they’re going to find people to do Alfred’s job (it is frankly ridiculous that he takes care of as much as he does anyway, but with his health starting to deteriorate they will need to find people to fill in for him, including in the secret Bat-stuff). And with the thought that he might soon be gone.

I want Bruce to go through all the stages of grief while Alfred is still alive, as his health gets worse and worse. I want him to struggle with the thought of losing the man who has been a father to him since Thomas Wayne died. I want him to be afraid that Alfred will die alone while he’s out being Batman. I want the audience to worry about that too, to fear that this next issue is the one where Alfred dies.

I want Bruce to be at Acceptance by the time Alfred dies peacefully in his sleep. I think the rest of the family should be at various stages of grief by that point- I think at least one should have news of Alfred’s death finally push them past Denial. (I really want that to be Jason, since he’s got a very close relationship to Alfred, but I feel like he might be too used to people dying on him, that this would be too similar to his mother’s death, for him to get stuck on denial. I feel like its more realistic to have him struggle while in Anger/Bargaining. But someone should be in that stage)

I want everyone to see Alfred’s death coming. I want to see the various characters struggle through the grief process while he’s still alive. And I want this death to be permanent. Alfred’s been there since the beginning, and he’s watched all of his grandchildren die at least once. It’s time to retire the old man. But it needs to be done right.

But I want him to meet his great-grandchild first.

#Batman #Batfam #Alfred Pennyworth #Death tw #Death #death of old age #DC comics discourse #Dc Comics

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danny-chase · 2 years

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A lot of how we view teenage girls is based on misogynistic standards. There is a lot about adultification of teen girls and how we portray teen girls in media. A teen girl with no make-up actually looks very young. People constantly thought I was 14-16 even when I was in my early twenties. I know 20 and even 30 something women who like bunkbeds, stuffed animals, and act silly/goofy.

Look. I get it. I got pegged as an 8th-9th grader last weekend (I'm in my senior year of college). I sleep with a stuffed animal, and only stopped sharing bunk beds with my sibling a little bit ago. I am literally the type of person you are describing.

Cass does not act like she did in Batgirls.

Here's Batgirls:

Batgirls #1

Here's from the second issue of her solo

Batgirl (2000) #2

Here's Batgirls:

Batgirls #1

It pretty much makes no sense for them to be seeking her approval constantly. Here's Cass:

Batgirl (2000) #7

Cass goes on in this issue to run around Gotham not as Batgirl, but her own vigilante even Bruce told her no (and Barbara clearly implies she wants her to stay home). Cass semi-cares about Bab's approval, but her sense of duty is stronger. (She wouldn't go to Barbara first, she'd jump out the window and likely wouldn't worry about Babs being upset when she got back).

Steph's also not the type to ask permission:

Batgirl (2009) #2

She didn't go to Barbara for permission being Batgirl, Barbara showed up at her house unannounced to talk her out of it, and Steph pretty much just completely ignores her. Neither of them would be constantly seeking approval for their actions from her.

I'm not exaggerating much when I say their expressions hardly change throughout the entire issue. It's like they took one look at Cass, and assigned her entire personality as "goth" because her costume is all black.

Here's her after showering in Batgirls:

Batgirls #1

And here's her taking a bath in her solo:

Batgirl (2000) #65

In both scenes she's portrayed childishly, the difference is in her solo she's enjoying it, whereas in Batgirls she's just -_- the entire time. Which is starkly different from her solo run in which she is incredibly expressive.

Meanwhile Steph has a smile plastered on her face the entire issue. Can she be goofy in her solo? Absolutely! She is!

Batgirl (2009) #3

Is that her only personality trait? No. Not by a long shot. For comparison, here's Steph being goofy in her solo, without her face being stuck in one setting:

Batgirl (2009) #1

And of course Steph has more serious issues going on too. She's coming back from dying, no one treats her seriously (especially Tim, who tried firing her from spoiler, which she didn't listen). Her father is a pest, she's not an only happy-go-lucky character (aka smiling is not her only personality trait). She's optimistic yes, but that's not all she is.

There are ways to show "childish" behaviors without losing the depth of these characters. Batgirls gave Steph and Cass 1 personality trait each and had them act childishly the entire time and mind you, I would not care at all if it wasn't Cass and Steph - if there names were Laura and Mary or smth I'd be like this is fun. I would reccomend reading Batgirl (2000) #1 and Batgirl (2009) #1 as comparison to see just how flat Batgirls #1 portrayal of these two characters is (and Birds of Prey #1 for Barbara, although she wasn't who this post is about). It legitimately takes reading 1 comic to show the difference, you don't need to take my word on this, and I encourage you to read each issue and judge for yourself whether or not Batgirls did Cass and Steph justice.

#anons you're not going to change my mind on batgirls i will never like this book and i probably won't bother reading the next issue #please stop telling me adult women can be childish when I'm not talking about any generic person I'm talking about 2 specific characters #i act like a literal child kenenfidnw i know adult woman can be childish #asks #anon #batgirl #batgirls #negativity #image in alt

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thebabiestbatfam · 3 years

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Duke Thomas: Character Cheat-Sheet

Finished reading through (most of) his chronology- here’s what I learned (and how I interpret his character).

Powers:

For most of his chronology thus far, he didn’t know he had powers at all, but now he does. Those powers fall into two categories: the light, a metahuman ability he inherited from his mother; and the dark, a metahuman ability he acquired from Ishmael (a villian) in Batman and the Outsiders.

The light:

Ability to perceive where light has (and hasn’t) been and where it is going to be. Using this, he can predict movements into the future and see where people have been. It’s possible this is using literal light science, in that light is displaced when people move and that’s what he sees, but it is implied that people generate some sort of metaphysical ‘light’ that he can see.

The dark:

Ability to control pitch black shadows. These shadows are never shown to be less than completely black (no gradient or anything) and though he controls their movements, we (the reader) don’t know if they can actually touch anything or if they are literally just the complete absence of light, created artificially.

Character Traits:

Duke’s driving force is his determination. Like Bruce, he can’t allow himself to do nothing when people are in danger.

Duke’s biggest character flaw is his uncertainty. He is not uncertain (pretty much ever) in what he should do or what it is right to do; he is uncertain in his capabilities, especially when it comes to belonging with others or being taken seriously by others.

Duke desires a safer world where people hold themselves responsible for helping others and not allowing injustice.

Duke fears being pitied or condescended to.

Legal Relationships:

For much of his life, Duke lived with his mother and father, until they were exposed to Joker toxin from which they never recovered.

Duke was apparently homeless during the We Are Robin storyline, but he could also have been living in his old place where his parents lived until he found them and realized that they weren’t coming home.

Duke was briefly fostered by Bruce Wayne, but this appears to have lasted maybe weeks to months (it’s hard to tell what amount of time has passed in comics). EDIT: about 1-1.5 years. Thanks deardairy!

Duke now lives with a family member; either an uncle or cousin who only makes one appearance.

Personal Relationships:

Within the Batfamily:

Duke is closest with Bruce, who plays a mentor role for him but who he explicitly does not see as a father figure.

Duke is also close with Cass, who he refers to once as a sister and who plays a protective older sibling role to him.

Duke has some relationship development with Damian and with Dick, though Dick betrays him at the end of that so it’s hard to say how he feels about him.

Duke is in scenes with Jason, though they don’t seem to know each other very well.

He hasn’t met Steph or Tim, as far as I know.

He knows Alfred from his time living at Wayne manor, though their relationship is not really explored. They do seem to have spent some time together.

Outside of the Batfamily:

Duke is friends with some of the other Robins from We Are Robin, especially Isabella Ortiz (who he may or may not be dating? I think he is?) and Riko Sheridan.

His old friend Daryl Gutierrez, an engineer, turned out to be responsible for Mr. Bloom, a villian who distributed seeds Daryl made that gave people powers (and occasionally killed them). Mr. Bloom was a cadaver Daryl experimented on, and him name is unknown. Daryl now resides in Arkham.

Duke has a friend with two moms who joined a gang to pay off his moms’ debts for his conception and birth. Duke used to babysit him.

Duke knows Gotham Girl (Claire Clover), and is close friends with her for some time before she is essentially written out of the story.

Duke meets Katana (Tatsu Yamashiro) and Jefferson Pierce (Black Lightning) when he joins the Outsiders. He also meets Shiva, who he likes but distrusts.

Relationship Dynamics:

Duke is usually content to sit back and listen, unless he wants to point out the absurdity of something or disagree with something. He rarely reacts to things with shock, and instead digs his feet in, no matter how bizarre the situation. He has taken leadership roles in the past, and to some extent he seems suited to them, but I don’t think he’s a very confident leader. People follow him regardless.

Metatextual Role:

Personally, I think Duke is meant to become the modern relatable one, the way Tim was in the 90s. He’s not a potential Olympic gymnast or a childhood prodigy, he had a normal childhood, he worked his way towards being respected by the hero community. As the relatable one, he is the character in which we (batman and robin fans) live out our fantasies- interacting with characters with extremely polarized personalities, getting opportunities to improve our life and the lives of others, having an impact on the future of the world.

Suggested Reading:

I most enjoyed We Are Robin, Robin War, and Batman and the Outsiders.

#duke thomas #technically a lot of people are mentioned but I'm not gonna tag them all #cassandra cain #bruce wayne #batfam #batman #dc #meta #character analysis

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a-sketchy-character · 3 years

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There’s this funny idea I seem to see implied in most comics/fics, that each of the batkids have, like, one special sibling that they get along with, and the rest are kinda just there? That’s a thing, right? Like, Dick and Damian will be buddies, and people seem to think that that’s at the expense of Dick’s and Damian’s relationship with Tim (granted, Tim thought so himself at one point but it’s too soon to contradict myself, let me finish, I have too many thoughts to stop now)

Duke and Cass, I think Tim and Jason sometimes, Steph and (literally nobody because DC refuses to acknowledge that she has more than a tenuous affiliation with the rest of the batfam), those are acknowledged Pals™. Their relationships with any of their other siblings are virtually nonexistent unless it’s just straight-up arguing.

But, like....does nobody have siblings that they’ve learned to get along with....? I feel like I so rarely see instances of all of them getting along in different ways like siblings just DO. And sure, it totally makes sense to be closer to one sibling than another — I’m a lot closer to my brother than my other siblings — but that doesn’t mean your interactions with the others are always fraught with tension or apathy, you’re still able to have your own fun dynamic with them because you love them and they’re different people and it makes sense for the dynamic to be built on different things.

Take my big sister — I barely got along with her at all for years, she’s the only sibling that I honestly thought I hated at any point, and when she moved out I fully expected her not to want to talk to me any more. She didn’t get along with any of us that well. But somehow that’s become a bonding point? I know now that whenever I have family issues, or anything my parents refuse to talk out, she’ll be willing and way too prepared to fight things out for me. And c’mon, couldn’t that be Jason and Damian?

I get along with the brother closest to me probably just because we’ve spent so much time together; we understand each other well and it’s fun to be around someone who can predict your every move and get so much just from an eyebrow raise. That could be Tim and Cass — both so wired to read people that it’s like second nature to understand each other and know instinctively that the other person loves to have it reciprocated for once.

My younger brother has had a really hard time learning to reel his emotions in; he’s super sensitive and lashes out easily so it’s hard for him to be nice to people sometimes and vice versa. That was me as a kid. So I get to be the one who’s grown enough to be a diplomat for him, we get to rant about how hard it is to have feelings to each other, and sure our relationship isn’t so much built on a near-psychic link but we still like spending time with each other. Maybe that’s Dick and Jason — not always reciprocated, but there’s an understanding there nonetheless, and unfortunately Jason WILL get extremely offended and possibly violent on Dick’s behalf if he hears him at all insulted.

My little sister and I are only just barely getting along and I still have to fake so much of it because she reminds me far too much of myself when I was younger and it doesn’t sit right, I’d love to avoid her, but she so clearly craves affirmation and I feel like I’m the only one who sees it so I have to be the nice one who treats her like a person and honestly that’s okay too, I’m happy with that too! And maybe that’s Tim and Damian; you don’t need to LIKE your sibling to be decent to them and have concern for their well-being! Tolerance is a relationship!

And, like, obviously my relationships with my siblings aren’t a pattern for all Realistic Fictional Siblings everywhere, but idk, I feel like everything I’ve experienced is a direct contradiction of the classic “one of your siblings is a friend and the rest don’t really matter much.”

Perhaps I am wrong and it is actually more realistic to only get along with one sibling at a time. But I think that it’d be nice to have a silly made-up alternate universe where it wasn’t that way.

#oop looks like an incoming rant #I love my siblings an inordinate amount and it shows #having a large family is probably one of the only things I’m qualified to speak on and I just have thoughts okay #drawing a lot of siblingish character interaction just sets me thinking #anyway if anyone has a sibling thing they think would be a more realistic representation of sibling interactions feel free to contradict me #or add to this #not art #some thoughts #on siblings

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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For @imashittalkingmushroom who requested some Tim content. Excerpt from one of the seemingly endless WIPs I toil away at in my downtime because me pace myself, in this economy, hah. This one’s called “The Vienna Game” and is Batfam ensemble versus a new rising threat, which Tim has a revelation about here. This part is just a rough draft for the moment, but you get the idea.

THE VIENNA GAME

Chapter Five: Pawn Storm

Barely five minutes after Tim’s head hit his pillow, he sat bolt upright in bed, heart hammering in his throat.

“They’re all connected,” he said, wide-eyed to an empty room. The lack of a response bequeathed by his surroundings was a bit, well, lacking, so he leaped to his feet and raced down to the hall to the Batcave’s nearest access point.

“They’re all connected,” he shouted again as he took the rough-hewn stone stairs three at a time. His words bounced and rattled off the walls of the cave, winging upwards into its darkest recesses and rousing the bats from their nests overhead. They scattered in every direction, deeper into the darkness, as they reacted to his urgency and intensity with shrieking complaints.

If only his actual family could be similarly moved. But no, they had to suck instead.

“Whozit whatzit howzit?” Dick swiveled in his chair, just enough to shoot the younger boy a quizzical eyebrow but not enough to necessitate removing his feet from next to the Batcomputer’s keyboard, where Bruce was currently drilling holes into them with a patented (and thus wholly ineffective) Batglare.

“What is it Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well again? One bark for yes, two for no,” Jason said brightly. He bent at the waist and braced his hands on his thighs as though actually talking to a dog; it had the unfortunate side-effect of making his stupid brother a stupid firmly planted rock that did little more than shift the merest micro-meter when Tim rolled his eyes and brusquely shouldered past him.

“That doesn’t even make any sense. I’m Timmy,” he said irritably. Too late he realized the trap he’d blearily wandered into as his jackass brother practically cackled with glee. Tim reddened and quickened his pace to the Batcomputer. “Oh shut up.”

Jason swivelled, but whatever his intended follow-up, he abruptly cut off as an apple core arced out of the shadows and bounced off his head. The second eldest pivoted sharply once more and scowled in the direction it’d come from as Tim absently took note of the several other apple cores scattered around Jason’s feet.

“Would you stop that?”

Cassandra, target of his ire, merely contemplated him for a beat before shaking her head.

“No thank you,” she politely declined, and she bit into a fresh apple with a loud crunch.

“You will be cleaning those up, not Alfred,” their father said, wearily enough Tim got the sense this had been going on for quite some time. His sister just shrugged.

“Worth it.”

Bruce exercised the better part of valor and shifted his attention back to Tim. “And didn’t you say you were going to bed?”

“I did say that,” Tim said agreeably as he barreled forth unto the Batcomputer. He batted (hah - oh no, the sleep deprivation was real) Dick’s feet aside and rebutted Dick’s injurious expression with an apologetic one of his own; apparently appeased, Dick just lithely shrugged and lifted his linked legs straight off the desk’s surface and then just never stopped. Instead he kept lifting his legs up, up and away until he’d transitioned into a perfect handstand on the seat of the chair, which he then transitioned out of by gracefully flipping over the chair’s back and onto his feet. Because see, Tim’s eldest brother’s middle name was not in fact ‘John,’ it was ‘Just That Extra.’

“I even did that,” Tim continued as he set his fingers to dancing swiftly across the keyboard. “But then I realized something.”

“You look ridiculous when you pop your collar,” Steph said knowingly.

“What? No. Wait, when have I ever done that?”

“Umm, the last time you were drunk, duh.”

Tim paused just long enough to shoot his ex an absolutely baffled look, over where she was lounging bonelessly next to Cass.

“When was I drunk?”

Steph tilted her head to the side and squinted in thought. “Drunk, concussed....whatever. It was definitely one of those two. I have pictures. They’re not good.”

Perhaps sensing his impending spontaneous combustion, Bruce interceded, raising a hand to quiet the perpetual storm of sibling (and Steph) nonsense.

“What’s this about, Tim?”

“Our newest Rogue, the one we just finally caught last week,” Tim reported, turning his attention back to the Dance of the Keystrokes. “We have a problem.”

Their father frowned. “Desperado? What’s the problem?”

“His name,” Tim said grimly. He finished pulling up the string of files he’d only minutes ago linked together in his own mind. Flashing into existence on the wall to wall screens before them were all the notes the various members of their family had compiled on the new villain in town, as well as a number of other files for a good dozen or so other relatively new or unknown villains scattered across the globe, with these latter documents pulled from the digital archives of various superhero teams and law enforcement agencies worldwide.

Blitz, a speedster located in Southern California, their indistinct form pixelated and blurred virtue of the crackling halo of electrical energy they seemed to wear like a cloak of St. Elmo’s Fire.

A Filipino man and woman purported to be fraternal twins operating out of a number of hotspots throughout Southeast Asia, with a combined name whose translation from Tagalog roughly amounted to ‘Double Check.’

A young brunette woman seemingly barely out of her teens, with eyes hidden behind an overly large pair of sunglasses, linked to a series of crimes in Argentina and Chile and allegedly going by the name ‘Swindle.’

A black man in his mid to late twenties, moving across the Iberian peninsula, with no reported name given, just a strange adherence to a symbol that appeared to be of a windmill, of all things, and that had local press dubbing him ‘Don Quixote.’

King March, a white man in his late forties to early fifties, with black hair and greying temples and a stern but smug disposition in all the files Interpol had compiled on him due to his frequent appearances as a person of interest throughout Eastern Europe.

A short, acrobatic Latino teleporter who offered up only the name ‘Castle’ in his sporadic run-ins with various hero organizations across the globe.

Tempo, suspected to originally hail from Sri Lanka, and last sighted in Hong Kong of all places...and by no means the only one of this assortment of individuals engaged in criminal enterprises in a city known for its Batman Inc presence.

Undermine, a masked man so far content to operate just out of Australia.

Flag Fall, another masked individual largely spotted in the Southeastern U.S.

An unseen person or persons known only by a calling card left in various Saharan regions, identifying them as someone named ‘Tabia.’

And lastly, a mature black woman out of the UK, sporting a wry, enigmatic smile in the only known picture of her, alongside her alleged pseudonym: Zugzwang.

“It was pretty much total coincidence I put it together,” Tim said as his family gathered more closely behind him to survey the assembled files over his shoulder. “I’d come across most these files over the past couple months, just in passing, as I like to familiarize myself with the various players in most Batman Inc. operating cities, and I was just reading this last file before bed, just to kinda wind down, y’know....”

“That sentence makes me so sad I don’t even have the heart to make fun of you,” Jason interrupted. He frowned. “Wait, that implies I have a heart. Hang on, that doesn’t sound right. And is this, what, sympathy I’m feeling right now? Eww, that is not the emotion I ordered. Take it back.”

Tim glared at him briefly, and then foraged on. “Anyway, as I was saying, I happened to be reading this last file before bed, and her name stuck out for me and from there I just started connecting some dots. See, alone, none of these names stand out as particularly significant, but put them together, and what happens?”

“They all have multiple meanings,” Damian said, scowling at the screens with focused intensity. “Mostly innocuous, but they’re also all....hmm. Chess terminology.”

Tim nodded enthusiastically. “Bingo! Ten points to Stabby Smurf.”

He bent over the keyboard again and started pulling up various video files, catching sight of reflections out of the corner of his eye as he did so. Duke seemed to be mouthing “Stabby Smurf” with a kind of horrified awe and Damian himself seemed unable to decide if he was offended or not. Whoops, that part hadn’t been meant to come out aloud. Tim coughed to cover a grimace slash smirk and hastened back to his point.

“For instance, based on geographical location alone, Flag Fall seems to be an obvious reference to an actual flag, but the term also refers to timed chess matches, when a given player has run out of time to make a move. Swindle isn’t just a term for cheating or fraud, but in chess, refers to when a losing player tricks their opponent into falling for a decoy move that ends the game in a draw instead of a loss. King march is a term for when you advance your king up the board, tempo is a single turn or move, a double check is when two different pieces put an opponent’s king in check simultaneously, and undermining is when you capture a defensive piece of your opponent’s and leave their king undefended.”

He stopped for a breath and Damian quickly stepped into the breach and picked up where he left off, seamlessly following the train of thought. “And Tabia comes from the Arabic for ‘essence,’ but in chess is a key point, specifically a point of departure from which you can perform any number of signature moves. The windmill symbol utilized by this individual in Spain and its surrounding regions most likely then does not reference Don Quixote, but rather a looped series of moves, usually brought upon by a rook and a bishop, which forces an opponent’s king to ‘windmill’ back and forth between just two or three squares in order to keep out of check.”

“And then Blitz of course refers to a specific opening gambit, that can bring about checkmate in four moves or less,” Tim resumed. “And while Castle has so far been assumed to be nothing more than a surname according to various heroes who have encountered him, largely no doubt due to the fact that he doesn’t affect any kind of costume or disguise, when you consider that pretty much all his demonstrations of teleportation utilize a kind of ‘switching’ of two persons’ relative placement in space/time, either as a signature or an actual staple of his power, its far more likely his name is a reference to ‘castling.’ Which of course then just brings us back to Zugzwang, which is a German term that loosely translates to ‘compulsion to move’ and specifically denotes any scenario in chess in which a player has no choice but to move, even though all moves available to them are inevitably going to worsen their position.”

They all took a minute to absorb that then, speed-reading their way through the various files with all the quickness that made it an actual possibility one or more of them might someday make it all the way through a read-through of the entire Wayne Manor Library, even taking into account the minimal time any of them allotted to the having of actual ‘hobbies.’

It was Cass who found something new to seize upon next, though she never once flicked her eyes away from where they tracked the movements of one videoed individual to the next, screen by screen.

“It’s not just the names,” she reported, scrutinizing each figure intently. “They move alike. When they fight. Its not a lot. But enough that they probably trained together, or at least shared a teacher.”

Tim nodded again. “I thought so too, but I wasn’t sure. I don’t have your eye for that, but it seemed like they might.”

“Reeet, record scratch,” Steph jumped in then. “Not to be all ‘talk nerdy to me, baby,’ since we don’t do that any more and whoops, totally forgot for a second that your dad is legit standing right here, wow, awkwaaaaaard, but for those of us still waiting to buy a vowel, why is this a problem with that Desperado dude specifically?”

“Because we’ve been operating off of the assumption that he chose his name as a more obvious reference to simply being some kind of outlaw,” Bruce said. “But in terms of chess specifically, a desperado piece is any piece that is trapped or in danger, and then sacrifices itself to achieve some kind of maximum damage or compensation that greatly outweighs the loss of itself.”

Steph nodded and pursed her lips. “Cool, cool. Okay so first off, let me just say how glad I am that it was you in specific that decided to follow up on that. Definitely the best of all timelines there, like just so, so absolutely stellar, that. It in no way compounded the awkwardness of the moment or contributed to my pending death by mortification. Secondly, oh, like. Yikes, so that’s not great, huh.”

“No, its not,” Bruce said seriously, with only the barest of twitches in the proximity of those things other people use to smile, aka lips. “If all of this turns out to bear fruit, as I suspect it will, the relative ease with which this Desperado was captured is nothing short of ominous. But luckily, we now have a chance to get ahead of whatever else might be in the works there. Excellent work, Tim.”

Tim squirmed, digging deep into the well of his bodily mastery and various techniques for exerting mind over matter. Don’t blush, don’t blush, you’re a super cool crime-fighting dude, not a total dweeb. “Like I said, it was mostly just dumb luck.”

“Hey now, none of that, Baby Bird,” Dick said, clapping him on the shoulder. “You still had to spot the pattern and connect the dots no matter how circumstantial you feel happening across the first dot was. That’s all you, kiddo.”

“Dick, I’m almost eighteen,” Tim whined. Ugh, his brother was the worst. He was going to be calling him Baby Bird when he was eighty at this point. And there went all his attempts at bodily mastery. Insult was added to injury when he stumbled to the side, then, though that had more to do with Jason hip-checking him out of the way so he could take over at the Batcomputer’s keyboard.

“Hey! What the hell was that for, Jay?”

“Umm, saving your ass, duh,” his other older brother said. Tim narrowed his eyes.

“That tracks how, exactly?”

“You were well on your way to immolation by way of embarrassment thanks to all the attention, so I’m stealing your thunder, double duh. Like I said, saving your ass. You’re welcome,” Jason said distractedly, busy with whatever else he was doing aside from being King of the Assholes.

Correction. That brother was the worst.

“Gee, thanks ever so much,” Tim intoned acidly.

“Don’t mention it, brat.”

Tim was still working on a return volley when Jason found whatever it was he was looking for and called up some more files onscreen.

“Okay, so check it out. Remember back in March, when we caught wind of some ‘new talent’ looking to establish a foothold in the local underground, and once we routed them, the only head honcho we could seemingly trace all of that back to was someone we assumed to be named Cassie or Cassandra based on what little we could decrypt of her communications? So now I’m thinking what if we filled in the gaps there wrong, and her name actually was Caissa?”

Tim looked around, but the name didn’t seem to be ringing any bells for anyone else either.

“Okay, I’ll bite. Who the hell is Caissa?”

“The fictional regurgitation of some plagiaristic hack from two hundred years ago.”

“Jason,” Bruce sighed. Jason rolled his eyes.

“Fine, whatever. So there’s this poem by this untalented dumbass named William Jones back in the 1700s, about a made-up Greek goddess of chess, named Caissa. But really, its just a rip-off of a much older poem from the 1500s by an Italian dude named Hieronymus Vida, in which the character of Caissa was originally named Scacchia. So I mean, I’m just saying, if this chick was going by the name Scacchia, I would have pegged what that was a reference to right away, because like, I have taste and so I’m way more familiar with the original version than the ode of a derivative hack. But I guess you just can’t count on bad guys to default to the superior take,” he lamented with a mournful sigh.

“But wait, aren’t you a bad guy?” Duke inquired, all bright eyes and fake innocence. Jason shot him A Look.

“Not this week, duh. Keep up.”

“Oh, sorry, my bad. I forgot to look at the calendar again.”

“You’re forgiven,” Jason said magnaminously. “Anyway, might just be a hunch, but worth looking into, I’d say. If her name really was actually Caissa, this Desperado could be working for her, and he might actually just be Round Two.”

Cass nodded. “Makes sense. Also restores my good name. Thanks little brother.”

“Any time, little sister. This mean you’ll stop throwing shit at me now?”

“Nope.”

“I hate you.”

“I know. Keeps me up at night.”

“You’re nocturnal, you bipedal asshat.”

Cass just smirked some more and sashayed away. Then flipped into a handstand and started walking away on her hands because clearly, she’d been spending too much time with Dick.

Which reminded him - Tim turned his attention back to his oldest brother, mortification forgotten or at least put on hold for the moment.

“Hey, so, a lot of the files noted that several of these people are likely polyglots,” Tim said. “Since Cass thinks they have some kind of shared combat instruction in their background, I’m thinking there’s a chance we could get a better idea of what regions they all might have been in, in order to get that shared instruction, if we could isolate what languages or dialects or even accents they might have in common, y’know? You’ve got the best ear for languages, what do you think?”

Dick nodded thoughtfully as he perused several of the files. “Its a good idea. I’ll get into it. First though, I’ve gotta make a few calls.”

Their father shot him an appraising glance. “Harper?” He asked.

Dick nodded again. “Yeah, Roy, but also Helena and Tiger. Can’t hurt to have all three of them read in on this. Where there’s smoke there’s fire, and where there’s chess, there’s bound to be Checkmate. I’d find it way too big a coincidence if there’s not a connection there somewhere, and if there is one to be found, I’d say those three are our best chance of finding it.”

Bruce made a sour face. Dick arched a challenging eyebrow. Bruce sighed.

“I’m not disagreeing, I just don’t like it.”

Dick laughed. “Well, you don’t like anything, so really we’re all just in awe of your dedication to your Brand, Pops.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and sighed again, before turning his attention back to Tim. “As for you, I think you’ve contributed enough for one night, don’t you? Why don’t you get back to what you were doing before this....what was that again....oh right, getting some sleep?”

Tim made a face of his own. He was way too keyed up now - again - still - to go back to bed now. And again, must he reiterate, he was almost eighteen, helloooooo.

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Oh good, I’m so glad that’s what’s catching on as the family motto.”

“Don’t see you going to bed,” Tim sulked in a most mature fashion. The absolute height of maturity. Nay, the apogee, the zenith, we’re talking orbital here.

“Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne,” Jason interrupted in a thunderous facsimile of their father’s impressive baritone. “This is a Do As I Say, Not As I Do household!”

“This from the son who makes an art form out of never doing either,” Bruce said dryly.

Jason shrugged and buffed his nails against his chest, blithely unconcerned. “I go my own way. Its part of my charm.”

“Oh cool,” Duke cut in excitedly. “Are we playing that game again where we just make up our own definitions that have nothing to do with the actual words we say?”

Jason gasped and pressed his palm flat over his heart. “Et tu, Daisy Dukes?”

Duke nodded gravely. “Et mi, Sweeney Todd.”

“Boys,” Bruce said wearily.

Both stopped and shot him expectant looks.

“What?”

“I actually have no idea, to be honest. It just feels like one of those things I should attempt to say periodically. Never mind. Carry on.”

Jason snorted and rolled his eyes at Duke as the two of them wandered off towards the opposite end of the cave. “As if we were ever going to do otherwise. He’s so weird sometimes, I swear.”

Duke hummed in agreement. “I think its on account of him being an ancient eldritch being.”

“I’m only forty-two,” Bruce called after them, aggrieved. They ignored him.

“Did you know, he was actually there to witness the actual dawn of time,” Jason said. “And yet, wake him up before noon and its like you’ve committed murder. And I would know. I’ve actually murdered people.”

“That’s true, you have.”

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obsessedauthorchan-blog · 7 years

Text

Shakespearean - Update

AO3 | Wattpad | FanFiction

Chapter 5 - Tim

Story Summary:

Jason didn't know how he managed to get into college at all, let alone such a good one, but he was determined not to mess it up.

Of course, it was after he made that decision that everything went to hell.

Chapter Summary:

Timmy's POV! Yay!

Tim puts Jay's phone number to good use, has a mini-heart-attack, and then does his hair up all nice.

It's not a date...

Probably.

Story:

Tim was actually kind of happy.

He hadn't been able to say that in a long time, if ever. When his parents were still alive, his dad worked a lot, his mom socialized, and the staff changed every year or two because his mom was picky and easily angered. When they died, he was obviously upset. He mourned and grieved for a long time, which eventually stopped when he became part of Bruce's family. Dick was actually a pretty cool older brother, Alfred was kind of like a grandfather to him, and he had bonded with Bruce as they worked together to find his parents' killer.

Over the years he got more siblings. Steph, Cass, Damian, and even Babs came to be family over the years. Steph was cool, fun to argue with, and always doing crazy things. Cass was dependable, sturdy, and the least judgmental person Tim had ever met. Babs was the most badass surrogate sister anyone could ever have, and she totally understood his love for technology and computers. Even Damian had his upsides, though the little brat didn't show it very often.

As Clark and his son, Connor, became like a second family, Tim's life improved even further. He had had few good friends in his life before Connor. Bart was a good friend, but he lived so far away that it prevented them from really being close, and he was the kind of guy that was fun to hang out with but hard to be serious with. Connor could do whatever was needed of him, and he could do it well.

But he still couldn't really say he was happy. Content, maybe. He didn't really have much to complain about, and even if he did, he wouldn't ever have let himself. There were lots of good things in his life, but there was a certain weight that had hung over him like a cloud, a weight he had never been able to name, and still couldn't.

But something about Jason...

He made Tim smile and laugh. He didn't treat him like a rich kid, didn't treat him like he was fragile because of what happened to his parents. Con didn't do either of those things either, but Con was different anyway, being practically family and having grown up in close proximity to the Waynes and other wealthy families.

Tim could tell Jason had lived a hard life. There was a certain glint in his gray eyes, the glint of steel, that spoke of experience, knowledge, and pain beyond what Tim could imagine. But there was also a certain light, a measure of determination to not let the worst times overcome the good, to not let his past mess up his future, to move forward, move on, and move upward towards a potential that was obvious just by looking at him.

Tim couldn't help but smile as he looked at Jason's contact in his phone. Jason Todd. It was a good name. Tim liked it. Regardless, Tim liked nicknames for contacts even more. He smirked to himself as he changed it from Jason's name to, 'Shakespeare from the Hood'.

He thought about texting him. Jason had offered him his number in the first place, had actually said that Tim could text him, and Tim had a feeling he hadn't meant that Tim could only text him about studying. Still, Tim had just seen him yesterday. He didn't want to give a certain impression (which may or may not be accurate) that he might like Jason beyond the way people like each other in general, beyond a friendly way. Tim didn't even know if Jason liked guys. And Tim was probably overreacting and being dramatic, but he really didn't know for sure if he was. He had exactly zero experiences with this sort of thing.

It would not fall outside Tim's normal experience with luck for Jason to be straight as a steel pole (those weren’t exactly bendy). Tim really hoped he wasn't, but his experience also told him hope was a dangerous thing.

He sighed, no less conflicted than he had been before. He decided to screw it and sent off a quick text.

"Hi."

Tim decided holding his breath might not be the wisest choice for his health, so he tried to make himself busy. Unfortunately, the only work he really had to do was reading for his Shakespeare class, which would not help distract him from Jason.

Tim's phone beeped. He picked it up faster than he had thought possible and quickly read the text. "Hey, Timbo. What's up?"

Timbo? Really?

"Trying to avoid my Shakespeare, actually. Wbu?"

It took less time for Jason to respond than Tim had expected. Only a few seconds after he sent the text he got a reply. " I'm about to head to work. Working at a library doesn't involve nearly as much reading as I had foolishly hoped. "

Tim snorted. No, it hadn't looked like Jason had gotten any time to read at all yesterday. After he had gotten subtly called back to work (and, sadly, away from Tim), he had seen him many times. Whenever they were in the same area of the library, Jason would shoot him little smiles or random silly faces. Tim could tell that Jason was really just trying to make him laugh loud enough to bother the other patrons (like the utter asshole he was), but Tim couldn't help feeling sort of special every time Jason made a rude gesture in regards to his co-worker and apparent boss.

"No job is as glamorous as it seems. Sucks."

"And what kind of non-glamorous jobs have you worked?"

Tim wasn't sure if Jason was being judgmental or skeptical because Tim was rich or if he was actually just curious if Tim had ever worked. That’s why he kind of hated texting. No body language, no tone of voice, no real cues of any kind. He hoped it was the latter possibility, but he wasn't sure he could blame him if it was the first. Still, it's frustrating when everyone applies Hollywood stereotypes to real life people.

" I currently work for the school's IT department, actually. Before that, I did freelance photography, which isn't as great as it sounds. Especially since it involves people. I don't like people."

" Dude, rly? Do you work at all this afternoon? Bc I got a ton of viruses on my laptop and I've been meaning to head down there to get it dealt with. "

Tim raised an eyebrow, but he couldn't help but smile. That text implied that Jason wanted to see him. Today, even.

"Yeah, actually, from 3 to 10."

"I get off at 4 2day. I'll be there by 530."

Tim's eyes widened. What? What the actual what? Jason was coming to see him at work? At work?! Tim's work uniform was not attractive. What the hell was he supposed to do? And why was he low-key freaking out about seeing Jason?

"K. I guess I'll see you then." At least he didn't sound like he was freaking out over text. Maybe texting wasn't so bad after all.

"Awesome. I'm at work now, so I gtg. c u later, Timmy." Oh, lovely. Another nickname. He actually kind of liked it. He only disliked those nicknames when Dick or Damian were giving them to him.

"c ya."

Tim sighed and put his phone away, a small smile on his face. As his eyes caught on his Shakespeare homework, he groaned. At least now he had something to look forward to at work.

After wasting a good long forever pretending to read Romeo and Juliet, he got up and headed towards the bathroom with a comb and some gel. There wasn't anything he could do about khakis and a polo, but the least he could do was fix his hair.

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

Text

Due to having the numbers, the social dynamics within the Wayne household are flipped. People outside Wayne Manor look down on Dick, Jason, Cass and Duke for their lack of a social pedigree. But within Wayne Manor, Dick, Jason, Cass and Duke razz Bruce, Tim and Damian for having one in the first place.

“This makes no sense,” Tim protested. “Jason went to a private school while he lived here and I’m the one who actually went to a public school after I moved in! How am I the one on the butt end of all this?”

Jason hummed absently. “Those who are born with a silver spoon die with a silver spoon, Tiny Timothy. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.”

“A, that also makes zero sense. B, call me Tiny Timothy one more time and see what happens and C, you’re literally making this up as you go along.”

“Dude, you do know you argue like you’re holding a powerpoint presentation right?” Duke threw in from where he was lounging in an arm chair. Upside down. His head and shoulders on the ground, legs in the seat of the chair. Further proof that Dick should not be left unsupervised around new siblings. “Like, what’s the deal with that?”

Tim’s head swiveled ominously, eyes narrowing as they zeroed in on the younger boy.

“I’ll get to you in a minute,” he growled in a voice reminiscent of Batman, but in theatrics that were born more of further examples of Dick’s terrible influence.

“Hey, what did I do?”

“You picked a side,” Tim said dismissively, turning back to face Jason, who seemed preoccupied with his phone.

Duke attempted a shrug. It didn’t go well. “Well yeah, but their side had Jason.”

“Our side has Damian,” Tim countered, before stopping and looking vaguely unsettled as he realized what he’d just said. Damian’s head snapped up from where he was lying stretched out on the floor, drawing in his sketchbook. His eyes were so fixed and flinty on Tim, they practically sparked as the youngest silently dared him to continue in that vein.

Not actually being anymore capable of backing down from a terrible idea than any of his siblings, Tim continued undeterred. “See? He’s vicious.”

Duke just shrugged again, a little more successfully this time. It still looked weird. “Yeah but Jason has viciousness and body mass.”

“As the self-appointed judge of this tomfoolery, I rule that Duke’s logic is sound and his choice was the right one. The moral high ground here is his,” Stephanie weighed in from where she was sitting cross legged on the floor, painting Dick’s toenails. The eldest was sprawled across the seat of another armchair, legs draped loosely over the armrest. He was sound asleep despite the commotion, having been up three nights straight tracking down a gun smuggling ring.

Steph was four toes in, wielding a garish neon magenta polish like she was Monet and this was her greatest masterpiece. Damian almost lost an eye when he made a token effort to protect his brother’s dignity, but then Dick started snoring and that ship sailed.

Many, many pictures had been taken.

“How does that in any way constitute having a moral high ground?” Tim asked with a sigh.

Steph cocked her head and surveyed her work on the latest toe. “Wait, morality in this house isn’t based on who wins any given argument? That’s weird. I think I’ve been doing it wrong.”

“Anyway,” Tim foraged on heroically. “I don’t get why I’ve been singled out, all things considered.”

“You haven’t been singled out,” Jason said without taking his eyes off his phone for a second. Tim fervently hoped that he was playing Candy Crush and not sexting his boyfriend, as those were the only two things Jason did on his phone with that much focus. “You said it yourself. Your side has Damian.”

“Yes, but I don’t care, and all of you are idiots,” Damian said calmly, having returned to his drawing. Tim stretched an arm out towards him, as if to say “you see what I have to work with?”

“I rest my case. Your premise is flawed, and you can feel free to stop at any time,” Tim said.

“A, can’t stop, won’t stop, B, I’ve never presented a flawed premise in my life, I’m intellectually dazzling, and C, besides, its the principle of the matter.”

“Oh god, its contagious,” Duke muttered. Tim ignored him.

“That’s definitely not what a principle is,” Tim heaved another sigh, exasperated. Jason finally looked up from his phone, screwing up his expression into an over-acted blend of righteous indignation and hurt.

“Are you saying I don’t know what a principle is? What, like I’m too dumb to know what I’m saying? Not educated enough for you?”

Tim narrowed his eyes. “None of those were even in the zip code of anything I said, inferred or implied. What is the matter with you - “

Jason just deepened his false face of hurt, rolled his head back on his neck and bellowed out: “Bruuuuuuce. Tim is making fun of my lower class origin story! Make him stop being classist, it reflects badly on the whole family!”

“Oh for the love of - “ Tim started, but that was as far as he got as Dick snorted mid-snore and surged out of his chair and into frantic awareness, landing catlike in a crouch on the floor and looking wildly around for danger and the source of the disruption.

It only took a couple seconds for him to verify that they were all safe and sound, and simply being noisy jackasses who couldn’t let him nap for even two hours. It only took two seconds more for his eyes to land on his painted toenails, zeroing in for a closer inspection that morphed his usual cheerful countenance into a scowl.

Stephanie was halfway towards the door by that time, choosing speed over subterfuge, so the culprit was easy enough for him to identify.

“You’re dead, Brown,” Dick yelled, smoothly transitioning into a sprint as he gave chase.

“Sadly, the artist’s greatest piece was left still unfinished upon her untimely demise, but her work will forever live on in legend and infamy,” she hollered back over her shoulder.

“Oh I’ll show you infamy, Blonde Wonder!”

“You shouldn’t run while your polish is still drying, basic rules of nail care!”

“Somebody run after them and take pictures. I’m too comfortable,” Duke said half-heartedly from his upside down position.

“Impressive,” Jason noted. “It took the rest of us much longer to adapt to this household’s tendency to treat sitting down like an event at the Contortionists’ Olympics.”

“Guess I’m just precocious.”

“Or just the most susceptible to terrible ideas and other things that are bad for your long-term and overall health,” Tim tacked on archly. Duke just shrugged one more time. This time it elevated his whole body vertically like a kind of upside down push-up.

“I like my take better.”

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