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amysterywrappedinanenigma · 2 years

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Mysterious Benedict Society season 2 episode 5 liveblog!

I don’t usually liveblog but the energy needed to go somewhere. There were a couple scenes I completely forgot to write things down during, oops. This is vaguely separated by scene. Vaguely. Spoilers below the cut.

- Sticky :( :( :( don’t feel bad it could have happened to anyone :(

- See at least someone knows we don’t trust the cops.

- THE WAY I ABSOLUTELY SCREAMED OUT LOUD. MARTINAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

- I screamed when it went to the court and screamed LOUDER when it showed her.

- Ummm how dare you keep her on the bench, don’t you know who she is 😡

- Her little smile when she picks up the phone and hears Kate 🥺🥺🥺 She looks so hopeful and happy 🥺🥺 Also I love her new hair!!!

- THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT ONCE AGAIN. MY FAVORITE WOMAN IN STEM I LOVE HWR SO MUCH.

- The way seeing both Martina and Garrison for the first time this season knocked me out, it’s like I was hit by 2 trucks in less than 45 seconds of television but in a positive way.

- We paused at the 3:32 timestamp just to freak out about Dr Garrison and Martina. We’ve been paused talking about them for 20 minutes, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

- YEAH THERES MORE THAN ONE ARMCHAIR NEUROSCIENTIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except this one actually has a degree ❤️❤️❤️

- Milligan recognizing the element!!! We love his chemist background being remembered!!

- “Split the party” awwww Milligan

- [affronted] “I did the research” I adore her she’s an icon she can do no wrong ❤️

- “Optimal size to stuff down your windpipe” Flashback to Constance’s “she will be weak from lack of sunlight, easy to neutralize” from last season. Let’s see how it goes in practice. No sunlight in a weird basement cave.

- Ooh is Garrison gonna end up coming to help with the happiness side effects? She mentioned something about there being dangerous side effects to the happiness thing, so maybe.

- Ma’am what’s in the jars. Are you making your own candles. Have you taken up jam making? Are they organs?

- Oh she’s. So close to a breakdown

- Lgbt stands for Let Garrison Bite Throats

- It makes sense that the tetherball team was staked out in Stonetown in the car that we saw, since Garrison was after Constance specifically and could easily have found out that she was living at the Benedict house. She wouldn’t have even needed to know about the reunion

- Oh she’s SO stressed

- “I eat bears” Constance ily

- She built the brain sweeper better on her own in her little basement with probably limited supplies and very little help!!!! She’s amazing!!!! Good for her!!! I feel like that’s supposed to be threatening but science crimes are okay when she does them ❤️

- She’s pathetic (affectionate)

- His. Shirt. Is. The. Stupidest. Thing. I’ve. Ever. Seen. The buttons and then the zipper????? The weird sleeves??? And patterns? Hatred. Need to bully him.

- “I’ve been expecting you” I hate him. How many hours/days was he forcing the chef to stay in that room waiting for number two to come through the doors

- Manipulation food AGAIN.

- Ew that bite he took made my skin crawl.

- I have strong feelings on “Nicholas is happy now. Isn’t that all that matters?” and “I’m sorry that bothers you” and “I think my brother is smart enough to decide that for himself” but that’s for another time

- “I’m not hungry” AAAAAAA

- You’re not allowed to say she’s in a great deal of pain, you’re not a therapist, you’re probably not even a real doctor

- OHHHHHHHH NARCOLEPSY MENTION OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

- Garrison and curtain are both just barely hanging on!!!!!!!!! (But when she does it it’s iconic and relatable actually)

- Kate and Martina reunion time!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Martina ily you deserve so much more success than the world has given you. 😞 no college and not enough tetherball I feel bad for her

- Good for you!!!! Worst mistake you ever made!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely roast curtain bc he deserves it!!!!!!!

- “Subconsciously looking for confrontation” what a queen.

- “If they can’t appreciate what I bring, maybe they don’t get a van” she sounds SO petty and she absolutely knows it

- Oh that’s the pie guy right??

- What the fuck uhhhh I don’t like the kid also doing it.

- “Spread the joy of our work from person to person, village to villaige…. no one will be left out of our loving, loving family” That’s giving forced religion in a really really gross way.

- J&J really just ZOOOOOOOMED in and I loved it. Favorite weirdos.

- Mmhmm sure you’re just undercover Mr B. Uh huh.

- Number two’s fake smile at curtain, please let her attack him.

- The fact that Curtain hasn’t noticed that THIS many people have gone missing is very telling

- “An endless chasm of sheer terror” “Or a void, utter nothingness” “Ohhh” how does my love for them just continue to grow each episode. J&J stan blog.

- All the homies hate Marlon

- Oh touching your neck, Marlon?? Hmmm wonder what THAT COULD MEAN? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

- “Any financial stress- WHICH THERE IS NONE”

- “Being out from under that man’s oppressive thumb is priceless” yeah it is, go queen

- Pay your mercenaries when you get a chance tho

- Martina saying comrade lmaooooo

- “The asset????” “🙄yes🙄the🙄asset🙄”

- “I guess it’s a good point” yes agree with your girlfriend Kate

- Awwww Sticky Kate lil shoulder bump

- “You say fail, I hear try again.” Good job positive thinking, whisperer! I feel like you could give Garrison some therapy maybe. She’s 3 seconds away from a breakdown at any given point (and I love her for it obviously), she’s so stressed

- I’ll say it again, science crimes are okay when she does them actually

- Old fashioned way????? You’re very unhinged but I support it

- Sticky no we don’t go to the cops

- Therapy time!!!!!!!! Rorschach???

- Oh not Rorschach

- Being absolutely ROASTED by Constance

- “FEMALE CHILD” I’m crying

- “My life is fine!!” Yeah say it again maybe you’ll believe yourself next time

- “You have no idea what you’re talking about” hurt my heart, she sounded like she was about to cry

- Dr Garrison I love you so much get some therapy, and some grant funding

- CONSTANCE. SHES ALREADY STRESSED ENOUGH

- Miss Perumal gets a first name!!!!!!!!

- OOP, GREYS

- Not the clothes not the clothes not the clothes.

- “They almost always are” when talking about her plans, why did that hurt me

- Kidnap the kidnapper!!!!!!!

- Number two have you escaped a cult before because it’s really sounding like it.

- Oh nooooooooo. :) I’m so sad that it happened to Marlon…… I definitely didn’t want to cheer……. :) And haven’t been hoping for this for 2 episodes…….. :) That’s terribleeeeee………….. :) :) :)

- It’s what he deserves

- Can the alpaca eat him

- THEM WALKING IN TO DR GARRISON’s SOBBING ECHOING THROUGH THE HALLS

- This is straddling the line between pep talk and psychological warfare, love you Constance, get her to improve her life by any means necessary

- Can one single person please wholeheartedly support Garrison? I think it would do wonders for her mental health and well-being

- Aww the headdesk, she’s having a real bad day

- “I am PERFECTLY FINE” hm, relatable

I’m mad the episode was less than 30 minutes 😡😡😡😡😡 but it’s been my favorite episode so far!

#mbs #mbs spoilers #mbs s2 spoilers #mbs liveblog #2.5 #blank expression #mysterious benedict society #tmbs

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sunfoxfic · 1 year

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about the “recognizing stereotypes is actually what’s racist” thing NO BC THAT TAKE HAS BEEN SO AGGRAVATING TO ME FOR SO LONG.

without going into the eight page long essay about how passionately i feel about this, all i have to say is how important it is to recognize stereotypes in media in order to accurately understand what’s wrong with them and criticize the media we consume in our everyday lives.

if you just Watch Media without recognizing the problems the stereotypes represent, you just end up internalizing them. to better describe what i mean, its just like the problem with anime and misogyny. you see it happen again and again and again and again, and eventually your brain (since it learns from patterns and familiarity) starts to expect that women and feminine-presenting people are in those roles and Only those roles.

go into it with a mindset of “oh these stereotypes are okay, i cant think about it or else im the bad one” and suddenly theyre just like the people on tiktok who just throw around buzz words without any critical thought behind it.

okay thats all, thank u for coming to my summarized ted talk

Anon, you're so valid. It was such a bizarre take and unlike anything I've personally run into before. It's like?? It almost treats coding as though it's a retroactive association with *insert group here* rather than an intentional insinuation. Coding in and of itself is a neutral thing - plenty of coding is used for good, plenty of coding is used for bad. Sometimes it's really hard to tell the difference between subtext and coding, too (and subtext is also in and of itself neutral).

When you frame coding, and in particular racist sorts of coding, as a retroactive association, it turns it into a no-win situation - the person who points out the coding is the one creating the association, and therefore is the one who is bigoted.

In my eyes, when you're calling out bigoted stereotypes via coding, the "best" outcome is for the creator to have been thoughtlessly replicating bigoted media. We'll never know if she-who-shall-not-be-named was doing it intentionally or unintentionally at first (it being anything you can think of, there are more than a few examples) but clearly her reaction to being called out is to dig her heels in the ground, so considering the "best" outcome is kinda moot in this particular case.

But yeah, you're really spot on with the thing about stereotypes. Because even if you can recognize that the stereotype is wrong while simultaneously keeping your mouth shut about it in fear of someone thinking you're the one who's doing the coding, you're the one who's bigoted - even if you can manage that, you're letting these ideas perpetuate to someone who doesn't know.

My politics recently have shifted to the ideology that "what works > what is ideal." I'm not interested in debating whether the person who knew it was wrong and said nothing is more innocent than the person who wasn't educated on the matter and adopted the ideas without critical skills to challenge them. I'm not interested in debating whether the latter was a victim, whether the former is part of the problem. Ideals are great when applied inwardly but nothing trumps results when trying to change the world - and it is true, great is the enemy of good.

In an ideal world, everyone could just agree to stop this sort of bigoted coding in works and then we don't have to worry about whether it's retroactive or not. We don't live in an ideal world. The actual way that it works is that, regardless of innocence and morality, change depends on Person 1 calling shit out so Person 2 doesn't fall into it. Is that sort of act an act of social justice, or just what a good citizen does? Should people get credit for it?

Man, fuck if I know. People in three hundred years won't be studying me in their textbooks either way because I don't want them to, but where we are now, people are dying and the climate is changing, so I really prioritize making a world where they have trees to make into textbooks and a history that's written not only by the victors, but the good guys.

#this ended up taking a lot wider of a scope than i expected ajkhsfdhkjasd #i just. yeah anon. you're right #as an english major it's really frustrating to see people taking these concepts out of context so the ''right'' people are the enemies #you can use words in as many orders as you want to say that this person is bad #what will saying that actually DO #when a person from a vulnerable group says they're being hurt. stop the problem at the ROOT #go for effect over ideal #anyway #ask to tag #asks answered #anonymous

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the-firebird69 · 5 months

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Tommy f has a problem he's shooting at me and he is grabbing people and he says that it's because he's shooting at me he gets to when he thinks that they're in the way of him kidnapping me and I don't want him kidnapping me he's a fruitcake a loser and I don't want to get hurt right some more on that's what he is now he hit me and crap he grabbed ghwb thinking that they were in the way and then he did it to he shot at me again and grabbed Kat von d and finally did it to Mom maybe not in that order but that's what he's up to cellular obstructionist and they're all so he's also setting a pattern and that's why it happens and so forth but really he's doing it to try and grab me now he's going to ship above us. You folks are warring and this place is a mess we need to get him out of here. He should be gone because he shot at me and he should be dead and buried by anybody's rules he's been shot in the head recently several times and big holes out the back four inches big hole out the side 3 in is not much of a brain in there to take that kind of a hit he's pretty much gone and if you don't want to let go of the stupid son of a b**** every time you arrive is ridiculous but that's what happens and really I can't stand anymore it's just gross thing this guy this total animal I want him out of here nobody shoots at one of us

Zues Hera

That's truly is he's been doing that and is trying to set a pattern is saying all this other stuff when he just thought they were in the way and he's a moron and they weren't in the way and he's going around ruining people because he's an idiot there's nothing to do when you grab if you grabbed her son you just going to sit there and he's going to just sit there so why do it and we have all your answers they don't make sense and you're going to town you just as crazy as this Charlie Manson guy Trump if I had enough for you and what's going to happen shortly is the pseudo empire is going to kick you out and they're also going to kick Trump out yeah eventually bja and the rest and you can go fight each other right now tomorrow we have some big news for what's coming up and it is going to be huge here.

-there is a change in management coming in punta Gorda bja is stepping down from the mayor's position as he feels he doesn't do anything positive and he's really just kind of a wimp and it's backing out and thinking he can hide and take over instead of bad idea but that's what the pseudo empire thought now they're going to see that and probably start going into the sheriff's office because they're tired of John Riva Lord. It is a big event really big it's been leading up to it but that's that's not new to us it's new to some people

-so we have one guy who's leaving and he's a real pain and he messes with people in the museum and it's not an artist but he does nasty things so we are going to mess them up and Big Time it's going on in a moment. I can't stand him and I'm happy he's leaving in a happy step down from the presidential race he's just sitting there messing with Trump the whole time after is nothing else to do and he's a cross-eyed freak. It's going to make them easier to take down they're riding around on things people could recognize now there's other stuff happening and my husband thanks me Hera says

-there's a huge number of things happening and if they're here right here in punta Gorda they are examining these idiots people are saying they're causing massive irreconcilable damage to the entire realm and they're quoting what they're saying to people and they're telling people you don't have a chance ypu'll be fighting to us we're going to find out who they are.. without a side they are getting nails because they're doing that and they keep saying idiotic stuff and they're going through it and say it again. Now it's going to be something different we're tired of our son being so exhausted he passes out it was sick and tired of you l..

He's up again I fell asleep and used to rest moved back shortly we will be back shortly and the wind is picking up

Thor Freya

Olympus

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imperialarchon · 2 years

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oh hey read mores are still a thing on here, neat. i don't really know what happened to me but it's hard to write it out on twitter and i kinda just want to have it written down somewhere solid in case i forget or something

yesterday and today i passed out? had a seizure? i don't think it was a seizure, but it also didn't feel like passing out like i did years back, it's like

it's like i lose coherence. i don't notice that time is missing or that i've passed out, there's a gap in time that's stitched together so that i'm doing something and then suddenly everything is coming in flashes and my body isn't doing what it should be and my brain is skipping over and over, like it's trying to refresh and can't do it, like an unfinished thought that i didn't start and now can't get to the end

and i remember that i keep blinking a lot when it happens, like if i can just blink right it'll make everything settle back into place, but it doesn't work, so i'm stuck looping and blinking and

yesterday i figured it was i don't know, a panic attack or something. i was... i don't know, on my phone? on my bed? and next thing i know i'm at my dresser, brain skipping, trying to grab something because i'm losing balance and i can't right myself, but i can grab enough to not fall over before another skip happens

and after like seven of these skips i finally gather enough of myself to go "this isn't right, this is wrong" and then throw myself at my bed to force myself out of the pattern, which works

and i was like "yeah i was probably just having a panic attack or got overwhelmed or something" but then it happens again? and this time i... i guess come to and i'm on the ground at the foot of my bed, crushing one of my seals and skipping over where i am and what i'm doing, and the last thing i remember was sitting on my bed. i must have stood up at some point, right? i have a sense of standing up, but...

and again, that sense of realizing this is wrong and shaking myself out, because i recognized what was happening as the same thing from yesterday, but it wasn't immediate

i guess it's kind of like, maybe my body is trying to faint and my brain is just not quite letting go, and it's causing these weird collapsing confusion things. i don't know. ecg was fine, blood pressure was fine, blood glucose was fine. i spent half the doctor visit in a weird haze while also wanting to sob for other reasons, i still feel kinda nauseous and dizzy. i'm kinda just planning on eating and drinking a lot the next few days and hoping it doesn't happen again.

i'm not meant to drive until "symptoms resolve" which is great because we don't know what the fuck it is, and i don't have any symptoms to warn me it's happening. and hey maybe it'll never happen again! but two times in as many days out of nowhere isn't nothing, right?

fuck me though, it was scary finally pulling myself together again to realize it had happened again, and i was on the floor, and this wasn't a one-time thing, and my nephew was at the door asking what the crash was

i broke my cake dish. tore my fallen order poster. mostly sad about the poster, i'd been making such an effort not to crease it

i know logically it's not... it's not a seizure or anything. it probably is some blood pressure or blood sugar thing that wasn't picked up at the urgent care. but it was still scary

i don't want to feel that way again

#sorry big vent i guess lol #couldn't get my feelings out on twitter #just weird experience i don't know how to verbalize anyways i need to go throw up or lie down

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star-anise · 3 years

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Oh goddamn my brain just exploded.

I just watched F. D. Signifier's video on "I Don't Dream of Labour" and just how much the whole discussion operates in a while different reality from the one in which Black American men and the concept of working for a living have historically existed.

His take is enormously well-informed and informative, and this isn't an idea that's of his calibre at all, it's just that his take on the context this discussion is happening in was so insightful that it shook something loose in my brain as relates to my own experiences. Mainly, it helped me contextualize a reaction I'd had last week, in a post about dream jobs outside of capitalism and whether it was okay for "engineer" to be one of them, in my background in white lower-middle class.

Like yes, I do have intellectual reasons for believing what I believe. My work experience, my research, my education in the social sciences, my curiosity about the world around me, my readings of Foucault, have all informed my beliefs that society has chronically devalued forms of labour that, in fact, it depends on so much that the entire system freaks the fuck out if those devalued workers realize that they're valuable enough to demand better.

Signifier's video helped me connect with some of my emotional reactions to socialist and utopian thought, and recognize just how much my views are also rooted in hard gnarly matter of my lived experience, and the lived experiences of the people who raised me.

I dream of labour partly because I've found a line of work that I love and that gives me meaning. But the other thing is, I dream of labour because of a bone-deep tiredness in me that says: If I don't do it, the work won't get done.

I'm a therapist, and the birth of my vocation as a therapist was in the years when I didn't have one or feel like I was allowed to ask for them, and neither did anyone else I knew, and the amount of terror and pain that we all lived with because of it would have ripped a hole in my ability to trust the universe if I hadn't decided to make myself the hero I needed. I say that if I do my work well enough I might contribute to enough social change that I'll put myself out of a job, but in practical reality, I don't think that will happen in my lifetime.

I digress. A few years after that, my mom admitted she had depression and went on disability leave from work because she was pretty damn bad. I remember when we got home after she'd picked me up from school one day, and while she was out of the house, her female friends had come to our house and gone to town on all the housework she'd been struggling to do (and then some; we knew things were different from the front door, because the floor of our mudroom sparkled in a way it never had before).

I remember it so much because I think it was only the second time in my life I'd seen her cry. Because it was so unexpected and such an amazing relief, this sense that someone else would step in and do the work for her. (Yes, my dad and older brothers and I pitched in, but everyone's expectations were that if the house was still standing at the end of our tenure it'd be a net win, and yes, I still feel ashamed for not having done more even if I logically couldn't have.)

This is part of what it means to say my gender is "farm wife". My ancestors were white settlers in western Canada, where farms were divided up in a grid pattern that guaranteed that homesteads would be pretty isolated. My grandmothers were children during the Great Depression. For their mothers, being a farmwife meant doing work their family depended on to survive, and knowing that until their oldest daughter got old enough, there was no one to do the work if they didn't. That sense of necessity lives in us still. My mom will endure a job she hates for ages, but feel unable to quit without having another one lined up. I still have "you do not have to fix it" on my phone lockscreen, because unsolved problems cry out to me in the voice of my terror when I was 13 and nobody was saving me.

The thought of coming home and finding my floor washed for me is so impossibly amazing I don't know how I'd even cope with it. The only person I can currently think of who'd actually do it is my mom. And she and I are still trying to sort out the toxic effects of this legacy, where we take on work because we feel we have to and then get angry when we aren't respected or rewarded for it, or try to avoid being the target of that anger by not asking for help we need. The thought of leaving work undone inspires such a deep, visceral level of fear and shame that it's hard to think around sometimes.

All of which helps me explain and understand my reflexive "Oh, fuck YOU" reaction to people who say that in the future robots will flip our burgers and burp our babies, but in the meantime, it's being corrupted by a neoliberal agenda to try to make the backbreaking work of ordinary people five pounds lighter. I am the enemy if I ever hire someone to wash the floor for me.

I'm not sure that "Oh, fuck you" response is bullshit, though. Like, I feel like I'm supposed to say that my ideological enemy is the capitalist boss who mandates workloads, not the edgelord tankie who sends hatemail to insufficiently radical "liberals", but this entire thought process has just helped me formulate why I hate those goddamn tankies so fucking much.

The work of defeating capitalism is important and real and more people need to be doing it. But it's stark raving idiocy to pretend that it's the most important work there is, because before it comes the work of keeping people alive. The work of keeping people fed and clothed and housed, healthy and well, connected and cared about. And I'm always thrilled when I get to do so in a manner that also resists capitalism, but if the only people helping me do that are capitalists, that is who I'm going to fucking ally with. Because the work needs to be done, and I would like to die without the family curse of never feeling able to trust that people will survive if you pause for one moment making my bones glow in the dark.

So if your only reaction to that is to say I should heroically struggle in ideologically pure isolation because Capitalism Bad but also in Big Rock Candy Communism my work won't be necessary so it's not like you feel any need to help me?

Yeah, you're my enemy. Get out of my fucking way.

#long post #class warfare #tankie shit #staranise original

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pastxlscorp · 3 years

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Bully! Mitsuya Fanfic (pt.3)

Chapter III: Abidance

✿ Word Count: 3.2k

✿ Pairing: Takashi Mitsuya x reader

✿ Topics covered: (Eventual) Enemies to lovers trope, Hakkai POV, Y/N POV, Mitsuya POV, tsundere-Mitsuya, bully! Mitsuya, fem. reader, minor manga spoilers, slight angst

Awakening from his slumber, he found that the woman was no longer taking up space in his bed. He heaved a sigh of relief, only to, unfortunately, see a message from an unknown number on his phone saying “Text me when you’re free ;)” Ignoring the text, he found he had a message from Hakkai and remembered that he had abandoned him to sleep with that damn woman. However, Hakkai didn’t confront him about it, but instead acted as if nothing happened.

🗨️ Hakkai: Is the party still on for today? (Sent 2:00am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: Yeah, sorry about yesterday. I wasn’t feeling my best, I should have let you know. (Sent 10:00am)

🗨️ Hakkai: No hard feelings. Ya feeling better now Taka-chan? (Sent 10:01am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: Not really, but it’ll pass. What’d you end up doing yesterday after I left? (Sent 10:02am)

Picking up on the subtle curiosity of Mitsuya’s text, it became clear to Hakkai that he did see him with you. As much as he admired Mitsuya, the anger building inside of him got the best of him. Therefore, in response, he chose a reply that he knew would get Mitsuya boiling.

🗨️ Hakkai: Caught Y/N outside of your class, had a wonderful lunch with her! She’s so nice, Taka-chan! Why are ya so mean to her? (Sent 10:04am)

Vigorous fingers typed in reply.

🗨️ Mitsuya: Why the fuck were you hanging around that slut? She’s just gonna try and get in your pants. What did she say to you? (Sent 10:04am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: Hakkai? Hello? (Sent 10:05am)

🗨️ Hakkai: Sorry Taka-chan, I’m back. She didn’t say nuthin bad, actually she was so sweet. She saw I was alone and we both had some tea together back at her place. Ended up sleeping over, I’m still here actually! (Sent 10:05am)

🗨️ Mitsuya: BACK AT HER PLACE? I told you, she’s just trying to get in your pants and you let her win! I can’t believe you let a whore like her win you over, Hakkai! Where the fuck is your brain? She probably was enjoying every minute of your sorry ass. (Sent 10:05am)

🗨️ Hakkai: Who said we slept together, Taka? (Sent 10:05am)

Silence enveloped the room.

🗨️ Mitsuya: Sorry… I just assumed that’s what you meant by sleeping over. (Sent 10:07am)

🗨️ Hakkai: Awh, it’s okie Taka, I know you were only looking out for me. (Sent 10:07am)

Absolutely, looking out for Hakkai. That’s what this was, that’s what he was doing. There couldn’t have been any other reason why he was so upset at the thought of you sleeping together. He was just being a good friend.

-----

┃ “Y/N!” the hoarse voice spoke to you, feeling the smooth cloth of his jacket pressed against your face as you bumped into him.

You looked up only to recognize Hakkai, kind thoughts flooding your mind, diminishing your anger stemming from your interaction with Mitsuya moments before. He grinned at you giddily, eyes relaxing any sort of tension left in your body. You slowly began to forget why you were mad and allowed yourself to indulge in his presence.

┃ “Good afternoon Hakkai! Waiting for Mitsuya?”

┃ “Mhm, you takin’ Designer 101 too, right?”

┃ “Yup! How come you aren’t taking it? You’re very fashionable, y’know?”

┃ “You’re too kind,” He giggled, his grin beginning to somehow grow wider on his cheeks as he raised his hand to pat your head.

┃ “I’m serious! Why don’t you join the class? It’s not too late, the second semester is about to start!” You eagerly pushed on, rejoicing in the positive energy he emitted.

┃ “ ‘m not really into making clothes, just showing them off...” He let out a hefty chuckle before getting cut off by you.

┃ “You don’t have to be good at making them! Some students choose to learn how to stylize different clothing and patterns, it’s all about the latest trends.”

┃ “Really?” He went silent for a few moments, smile morphing into a straight line as he contemplated your words carefully. Not to fret, as his smile quickly returned as he said: “Well then, might have to ask Taka-chan to help me sign up!”

You both shared a laugh and began to discuss the enrollment process in order for Hakkai to join the class-- if he were to drop another class, what class would he drop, or would he simply add it to his current schedule? While your conversation was nothing more than an innocent developing friendship, unbeknownst to you, Mitsuya had witnessed it all and declared it once more another betrayal. You were such a slut, flirting with anyone and everyone. Irrationality began to consume him-- instead of seeing your interaction with Hakkai for what it truly was, a genuine developing friendship, his brain refused to comprehend your behavior with other men. He never got to the level of comfortability you had with Takemichi, and he had lost the sense of ease you had with him to Hakkai and god, god did it piss him off. Unfortunately for that kohai, she was just another doll for him to play with just until he could get your attention again. Even a single drop of your attention, your attachment, it was enough to drive him for weeks just to be able to be near you again. Your kind words squeezing his heart tighter and tighter the more you spoke, your laughter ringing in his ears at a corny joke he told you during club meetings, it enveloped him into infatuation which later developed into a larger feeling. Such a large feeling over the progressing months that when he began bullying you, when your lack of presence and absences during meetings began to grow, an emptiness began to root in his heart, waiting for you to touch it once more and let it grow.

He could go on and on listing things about you-- the way he loved your sense of fashion, the way he loved your sense of humor, your compassion to helping others, your intellect that allowed you to read everyone like a book, everyone except him. Why couldn’t you see that he didn’t hate you? Oh, but that jealousy, the first time he’d admit that it was jealousy, it gripped him so tightly around his neck that it felt suffocating. Every shove, every clasp of your hand, your wrist, your chain, your chain, it made his heart shutter seeing that dead watery look in your eye, but your attention was like a drug that he just had to keep getting more of. It would never be enough to satisfy him, not until he could call you his and you would call him yours. He pitied using them, he really did, but he needed someone to satiate his needs. He was a womanizer, after all-- if one left he would just charm another into his bed. They all had high respect for Mitsuya, his intellect, his charm, his skill, and his kindness. Yet no matter how hard he tried, all those women, they were never you and they could never try and be you. He found that he no longer sought sex for his own pleasure anymore, but for your own, pretending so desperately that the one trembling out of pleasure beneath him was you. Imagining, no, fantasizing that he was making you happy and leaving you satisfied.

Upon seeing your interaction, he quickly left with his kohai for their own exchange, leaving Hakkai unfortunately confused as he waved you goodbye, patiently waiting for his friend to meet him. You were still on campus because you had taken additional extracurricular activities to build up your transcript to make up for your absences in Mitsuya’s Home-economics club. At first, you attempted to make it through the club meetings but he made every single one as unbearable as possible. The second semester, could it come any sooner? Hakkai, too focused on organizing his schedule with you previously, had failed to notice Mitsuya leaving with a woman. He waited, he waited, and he waited, coming to a good hour until he realized Mitsuya wouldn’t have left him waiting for this long without a heads up. He looked at his phone, expecting some sort of contact-- a phone call, a message, anything. All that awaited him was several unread messages from group chats and friends, none of them from Taka-chan. He sighed, placing his phone away just as he noticed your presence once more, planting a fake smile on his face to disguise his obvious disappointment. Unfortunately for him, his smile only instantly alerted you something was wrong.

┃ “Hakkai? Why are you still here, weren’t you supposed to be meeting Mitsuya?”

┃ His phony smile stood in place as tears began to fill his eyes. He croaked: “T-taka-chan left me. Do you think he’s mad at me for sumthin’, Y/N? I don’t ‘member doin’ anything.”

You instantly rushed over to comfort him, witnessing what appeared to be an intimidating giant become undone into a fragile teddy bear at the thought he had upset his best friend. Your disdain only kept growing for Mitsuya, first it was his lack of maturity during class, and now he had abandoned his best friend for whatever reason it was. Hakkai was a sweetheart, you couldn’t imagine what he may have done to upset someone. Therefore, you came to the conclusion Mitsuya had thrown a tantrum of sorts and took it out on him. It irked you, however, Mitsuya always remained respectful and loving to his best friend in addition to Yasuda-san, so you couldn’t help but raise your brow wondering what got him so upset for him to entirely ditch his friend. Pushing those thoughts aside, you placed all of your focus on bringing a smile back to Hakkai’s face, gently rubbing his back and placing your forehead against his temple as he crouched over in defeat. You desperately attempted to think of anything to cheer him up.

┃ “Ah, how about some tea?”

┃ “...Tea?”

┃ “Listen, I have absolutely no idea what you like and I want to calm you down so-”

┃ “Tea sounds good.” He said softly, a small smile returning to his face.

You escorted Hakkai comfortably back to your dorm, located on the east wing of the campus. Women and men could go to each other’s dorms, they just had gender-separated wings because it was just easier to contain the chaos if everyone was allowed to sleep with their girlfriend or boyfriend. The boys had their dormitory on the west side, thus you noticeably got some glances as you strolled with Hakkai. Mitsuya was always surrounded by Hakkai and Yasuda-san, so obviously most of your classmates were shocked to see you hanging out with his right-hand man. Were you both sleeping together? Ooh what a scandal (not). Although you didn’t mind the glanes too much, Hakkai on the other hand made sure to shoot down them all with a nasty side glare, quickly causing them to turn their cheek. It was a cute sight after all, seeing how you subconsciously had reached for his hand and began to rub gentle circles on it in order to ease him, which succeeded in doing so. Once you arrived at your dorm, you opened the door and gave him a show of jazz hands as you toured him around your dorm. Your dorm wasn’t the largest compared to his and Mitsuya’s dorm, which made him realize the privilege of not having a financially aided dorm. Your queen bed comfortably rested on the right side of the room, covered with a curtain and fairy lights on the wall behind it. Your desk was not too far away, maybe a good 15 feet across your bed, not too messy but not too neat. It was obvious you were working on something, as there were papers still out and scattered but the rest of the desk had the pens, pencils, and stapled papers sorted in a clean pile. Your pinboard was half-covered with your calendar, cluttered with small sticker reminders while the other half was your schedule, nicely decorated with washi tape sticking it to the board. Next to your bed was a wooden closet and you led him into the cramped kitchen that made him gasp, seeing how you make such a tight space so comfortable and presentable. You had a small glass coffee table in the middle, a small fridge cramped in the kitchen underneath a cupboard and next to a cabinet holding the sink on top. Next to that was a stove with a microwave on top, both color-coordinated black, contrasting the white of the room. You guided him over to the table and motioned for him to sit and he obediently did. Walking over to the countertop holding an old-school kettle, you used it to strain and brew the tea. Gleefully, you dropped a few ice cubes in his glass and carefully poured his tea and then your own, sitting across from him at the table. He took a sip of the tea you had placed in front of him, smiling not at the delightful taste but the awaiting face you had fixated, putting your hands under your chin waiting for a response.

┃ “This tea is delightful, thank you Y/N.” He said warmly and you basked in his praise.

┃ “Ah, sorry if I made you uncomfortable with the staring. I don’t… really get visitors. It’s nice to have someone over.” You replied, your face beginning to glow a light pink as your lips formed into a slight frown, embarrassed to admit how you had no friends.

┃ “Mm, I should be the one thankin’ you,” The softness in his voice made your crouched posture fix itself as you looked up to him. “You made me sum tea, opened me to your home, all ‘cuz I was sad and overthinkin’. You ain’t hafta do that, but you did anyway. I appreciate ya!” His iconic grin was now back where it belonged as his eyes glazed over you in pure adoration. You smiled in return, both returning to take a sip of your tea.

Hours passed and he was still at your house, you both gossiping and talking like old friends. You discussed your classmates, praising them and disapproving of the behavior of others. He began to confide in you about what he witnessed during his time as the second-division’s vice captain. You eagerly listened to him as he described to you his tales with his brother and his amazing sister Yuzuha, anything and everything was up for debate. At least, almost everything. Despite being the main reason he was so upset, you and Hakkai had not discussed Mitsuya’s treatment of you. He was mentioned in a few gang stories, but it seemed as if Hakkai was opting out of speaking about him out of respect for you. However, his head began to slump, implying he was tired. You grabbed your phone, which had been placed upside down on the coffee table, and looked at the time and saw it was well past midnight. You leaned over to rub Hakkai’s shoulder and you gasped when his head turned back upright, alert as if he just remembered something. Drunk on drowsiness, he began to speak:

┃ “Mmh, y’know Mitsuya used to talk about you a lot. Always went on about this pretty girl who was awfully sweet, really smart…” He trailed off, fighting off the sleep that clung desperately to his eyelids. “He never gave me a name but after club meetings when I woulds wait for him, he would tell me about his conversations. I always saw him looking at ya. What did ya do to make him so pissed off?” Although he had no malicious-intent in his questioning, it was enough to cause goosebumps all over your body.

┃ “I didn’t do anything, ‘kai. Really, nothing different happened that day. All of the sudden, the next day during his club he humiliated me in front of everyone and then made me stay after hours to yell at me even more.” You went silent for a moment, before your curiosity got the best of you and you questioned: “He used to talk about me? Are you sure?”

┃ Ignoring your question, he replied to your initial response. “You didn’t do anythin’ different at all that day?”

┃ You contemplated his question carefully, before realizing the one event that was an outlier to the rest. “I was waiting for my friend outside campus gates that day. He offered to wait with me but I insisted he didn’t, mainly because my friend had said Mitsuya wasn’t very fond of him so it was better if he didn’t see him.”

┃ “Who’s the friend?”

┃ “Hanagaki Takemichi.”

┃ The tired man in front of you took a full minute to process your sentence before bursting out and crying of laughter a few moments later. You looked at him, pure confusion coating your body as he continued to sob. Finally, after a few minutes, he wiped his eyes and sat back up, gleaming at you. “Well that’s your problem, Mitsuya fucking hates Takemichy. Probably spied on ya because he was worried, saw Takemichy, and boom-- he got jealous AHAHA!” He went back to crying of laughter, leaving you a few moments to yourself to process his words.

It was embarrassing to admit how Hakkai was half-asleep in front of you and somehow managed to put together your puzzle of confusion together months after said incident had happened, in under 20 minutes. However, you couldn’t find yourself disagreeing with his theory. Suddenly, Hakkai stopped laughing and looked up at you, all serious.

┃ “Now wait… that’s not funny! He’s been pushing ya around all the time just cuz he’s jealous of you being with other guys?! That’s fucked up! ‘M gonna beat his ass, Y/N! Just for you!”

You now began laughing, taking Hakkai’s hand in yours over the glass countertop and tapping it gently.

┃ “That won’t be necessary, ‘kai. How about we come up with a solution?”

┃ “My solution is beating his a-”

┃ “A non-physical solution.”

┃ He went silent for a few moments, looking away from you to the window to think. You could tell he thought of something when a smirk began to plaster itself on his face. “How about we test our theory?”

┃ “Elaborate.”

┃ “If that pain in my ass is done with whatever it is he’s doing, there was supposta be a party tomorrow. Not at our dorm, but our friend’s. You might have heard of him, Manjiro Sano?”

You responded with silence.

┃ “Mikey. The Invincible Mikey.”

┃ “Not ringing any bells.”

┃ “Brother of Emma Sano. Brother of Izana.”

┃ “Emma Sano is so nice!”

┃ “Captain of the Tokyo Manji Gang, Y/N.”

┃ “Oh.”

┃ “Point is, he’s having a party tomorrow. We could get some revenge, I bring you as my date~”

┃ “Won’t that make him angri-

┃ “That’s what revenge is.”

┃ “Why don’t I just talk with him?”

┃ “Has he tried talking to you?”

┃ “...no.”

┃ “I rest my case.”

Silence enveloped the room once more. It wasn’t an awkward silence, no, it was quite a comfortable silence actually as he patiently awaited your response and allowed you to process and think.

┃ “When is the party exactly?”

✿ tags: @haiq-trash @blackmysticalsimp @the2ndl @bren-heron @delicatejudgecopcowboy @skiwalkers

✿ a.n. // First of all, thank you so much for 102 followers <3 I appreciate the support being given to me! I would like to address one thing, however, please don't rush me to write! I've gotten very kind messages of support but others have been demanding more of me and it's important to remember that I have classes, chores, a social life, and many other things happening. I love writing but rushing me makes it unenjoyable and it won't be my best work. My goal for this ongoing fanfic is to post weekly. Just a little ted-talk there, I hope everyone enjoys this chapter though! I had such a fun time writing it :)

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fortheloveofwonderland · 3 years

Text

A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added) -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #dr spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #david rossi #jennifer jareau #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem!reader

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for-fucks-sake-h · 3 years

Text

At My Weakest - three

rated: m, mature | word count: 4.4k | story page

“I am summer... yearning for a drop of your rain.”

- Gemma Troy

“Fucking finally,” Harry growled, his body shooting forward to press Gianna against the kitchen counter.

She was equally fervent, gripping into the collar of that god forsaken polka dot shirt like her life depended on it, tasting his kiss like it was her first meal after starving.

That’s what it felt like; like she was starving for him. For the sounds he made, for his skin under her palms, for that excruciating push of his cock inside her. Every single part of him only made her crave more.

“Thought she’d never leave,” Gianna gasped as her head fell back on her neck.

Harry’s mouth took no pause in finding its way to the soft skin of her throat, sucking kiss after kiss to her racing pulse.

He squeezed her hips tightly, pulling her even closer as his mouth trailed down her neck and chest. She felt like the most comfortable blanket, soft and pillowy in every way, every single curve of her body driving him mad.

When she slipped out from his insistent crowding, and her fingers latched into the open buttons of his shirt, he followed her without thought. Let her lead him down the hall, fingers still gripping to her, mouth still attempting to find any piece of skin he could.

“This shirt is ridiculous,” Gianna flippantly commented on the oversized pink polka dots as they stumbled into his bedroom, Harry slamming the door closed behind them.

Her fingers moved at lightning speed to get every button open, pushing the pink fabric from his shoulders as soon as she could. She could pretend like she really thought it was ridiculous all she wanted, but she knew deep down that he could wear anything and make it look good.

That wasn’t something she either noticed or cared about before. It was unnerving the way she looked at him now, how the sliver of his chest caught her eye the moment she saw him, how it sent a blazing spike of heat down her spine just from a glimpse of his skin. Maybe it was because she knew what it felt like beneath her fingers now, the feel of his skin overtop the supple yet firm expanse of his chest was now ingrained in her mind with nowhere to go, no outlet, no escape.

Harry shook his arms loose from the fabric and no sooner did the shirt hit the floor did he have both hands gripping her - one on the smallest part of her soft waist and the other wrapped against her jaw, angling her face up to his.

“That why you were eyeing me up back there?” The words were spoken low in Harry’s throat, timbre deep as he looked down at her with blazing eyes.

It was amazing really, the way the green would change right before her eyes. She’d noticed it before. It was as if every time he looked at her for more than a few seconds, his irises would dilate and the green and gold specks would illuminate so bright she had to look away.

Except for now. Now she bathed in it, silently begging for it to swallow her whole.

She didn’t bother with a response, instead leaned up slowly, eyes steady on his as she torturously closed every inch between them. Until her lips were encased in soft pink warmth and her body melted.

He wrapped her up in him, pulled her so close she felt like she could barely breathe, like she was suffocating from the scent of his shampoo and buttery softness of his lips. And she welcomed it. Adored it, longed for it, begged for more. She couldn't get close enough, and it felt like a sin to have to separate long enough for them to pull their clothes off. Her shirt, her pants, his pants, her bra, his boxers, all falling to the floor one after another until he was mercifully tugging her underwear down her thighs as his tongue slipped along her bottom lip.

Gianna’s squeal of a giggle was rambunctious in comparison to the growl that escaped Harry’s throat when he practically tackled her onto his bed, immediately sinking into the mattress - sinking into eachother’s warmth and eagerness.

Her hands raked through his hair when he kissed across her jaw, nipping softly on his way down her chest. She arched into him, back curving off the mattress in an attempt to get closer, until his mouth circled her nipple so delicately she felt like her skin could crawl off. But when his warm tongue smoothed over her nipple, flicking the peak over and over again, she was all breathless moans and gripping hands.

And that was the thing about Harry, he loved it. Wanted more sounds slipping from her perfect lips, wanted her to tug on his hair harder, wanted her hips twitching off the mattress more than she could bear.

He looked up at her, enamored with the way her chin was tilted back, her neck and jaw tight and on display, her breath visibly escaping her heaving chest when his hand slipped down her body to find its way between the hot skin of her thighs.

Her moan was like a song he couldn’t stop playing, a melody he hummed to himself without even noticing, that’s how much it was intricately rooted in his brain. He wanted to hear it as much as possible, over and over, louder and louder. He got inklings of it when he teased her, snippets when his mouth tormented her, and a smooth, keening noise fell from her lips when his middle finger slipped inside her. A hook, a twist and a steady, slow pump had her hips moving with him, following every movement like a carefully choreographed dance.

“You’re so fucking sexy,” Harry murmured against her chest, his tongue sweeping out over her nipple once more.

Her nails scratched against his scalp in response, her moan sending another wave of fire across his skin. He pushed himself up onto his forearm, eyes entranced with every curve of her body, flicking wildly from the blissful look on her face to the way her hips rolled against the mattress as he eased another finger inside her.

“Please…” she breathed, one hand gripping to the bed sheet while the other squeezed tighter to a handful of his roots.

Her back arched further, her hips stilling for a moment as he curled his fingers deeper and stopped, hooking them in a way that had her head going fuzzy. He remained completely still, breath caught in his throat as she swirled her hips before angling down on his fingers further. He was mesmerized, watching in awe as she practically grinded down on his fingers, her hips making patterns against his mattress.

“There you go,” he encouraged her softly, eyes trained on every move she made. “That’s it, love. Mhm, there you go.” His voice was so low he didn’t even recognize it. It was like he could barely get the words out but couldn’t stop from saying them.

It was like something switched for him in that moment. He’d give this girl anything she wanted, fill any desire she had, if it meant keeping her there. He’d never had that before; to have someone in his bed and be thinking about how he could get her to stay within his sheets after the high had been chased.

A whine crawled up his throat at the thought, completely taking him off guard. He pressed his forehead into her sternum, somehow feeling her heart hammering through her skin. Maybe it was his imagination - his foggy, desire filled thoughts playing tricks on him.

Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he could feel her heart beating for him in a way that was more than just lust, more than whatever pleasure he was giving her.

“Harry,” she breathed, her voice like honey whenever her lips caressed his name.

He pressed his forehead into her chest more, tongue languidly lapping out to taste her skin. He couldn’t stop from planting wet kisses against her trembling frame, his laps laying her heart for a moment, as if he could absorb her rhythmic heartbeat to match his own.

And then all he could do was slither down her body, catching the way her hips arched up to him to meet his greedy mouth, tongue licking fully through her wet folds with no preamble.

He moaned when she moaned, tasting her fully and breathless asking for more.

“Yeah, go on,” he mumbled against her clit, groaning harshly when her hands pulled tighter on his hair, her hips rolling on their own accord.

“Oh my,” she breathed, her words cutting off with a gasping moan.

Harry gripped Gianna’s hips in his hands, encouraging her to grind against his mouth more. “Fuck my face,” he demanded, his words coating her sensitive skin like a promise.

“God, fuck,” she cursed under her breath, shaking as he licked against her once more.

She lifted her head from the mattress in time to see him pulling away, a small whine emitting from her throat as he moved away.

“Come on. Do it right,” he spoke eagerly as he laid back, his hands grabbing at any part of her he could. “Fuck my face.”

The devilish smile pulling at her lips did nothing but ignite the fire in the pit of Harry’s stomach, every inch of his skin tingling as he watched her pull up from the bed to crawl over him, legs straddling his waist for a moment as her face hovered over his.

“Who are you,” she murmured, obviously not really caring for a reply before her full lips were pressed against his in a slow kiss, her tongue sweeping against his only to taste herself.

Harry’s hands smoothed over her waist, trailing down her hips until he could grip the supple flesh of her thighs, his fingers digging in harder than ever.

Everything she did made him hotter than the moment before, his body blazing beneath her as he guided her up his chest until her knees planted on either side of his head.

He couldn’t take it, she was moving too slow; he needed her on his tongue again. So with a gentle squeeze and tug against her hips, her knees slid apart the inch needed for him to lift his head from the mattress and find her delicate skin, warm and wet and waiting for him.

Her gasp was all the encouragement he needed to pull her down fully on him, until every inch of his mouth and chin was covered in her desire. He gripped her hips tighter, lapping across her clit over and over as she moaned.

One hand pressed against the small of her back, the other splaying out across the soft skin of her lower stomach until his thumb could find her clit and his tongue could press into her fully.

“Shit,” Gianna gasped, one of her hands pushing roughly through the top of his hair as the other gripped at one of his wrists.

“Mhm,” Harry hummed against her core as she found her perfect rhythm - until she was rolling her hips without any second thought, grinding against his mouth and chin, chasing her high.

Maybe this is what real bliss was, he thought. A woman doing exactly what she wants with you.

He could tell when her high took over, ripping through her body until she was trembling over him, legs twitching and shaking as she pressed him further into the mattress by his hair, the sounds slipping from her throat paired with her orgasm coating his tongue only making him throb harder.

She practically collapsed over him, one of her hands still in his hair as her other caught her upper half from falling completely. She eased onto the bed beside him, and like a moth to a flame, he followed, rolling onto his side, his face in line with her stomach.

“Fuck,” she breathed as he pressed his lips just below her belly button, sucking kisses being planted on her overly warm skin - her hip, her waist, her breast, her neck - making his way up her body until he reached her face.

She kissed him when his lips found hers, sucking his plush bottom lip into her mouth easily as her hand cupped the side of his neck.

“Your mouth is…” she started as her fingers trailed down his body, leaving goosebumps in their wake. And she may have finished her sentence, but Harry couldn’t be sure with the ringing in his ears just as her hand found his length.

He may have been embarrassed by the noise that escaped his throat when she wrapped her fingers around him if he was in any stable state of mind. But he wasn’t. All of his thoughts were of her and the pleasure coursing through his body.

He couldn’t get enough, and he couldn’t keep up with her - completely overwhelmed.

No sooner was she kissing his mouth before she was kissing his tip, a groan pulling from deep in his chest as his back met the mattress and her warm mouth encased him.

“G,” he breathed, his fingers fisting through his own hair once and twice as she bobbed on him. “Love,” he moaned as she sucked, one of his hands finding the back of her head weakly, fingers scratching against her scalp to pull her attention back to him.

She pulled off his length with a gentle pop, looking up at him with swollen, overly bitten lips and dazed eyes.

“You’re gonna make me explode,” he chuckled weakly, begging his eyes to stay open and on her. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, and somehow she was in his bed, giving him more pleasure than he deserved.

Her lips curled into a self assured smile as she crawled up his body. “That’s the point,” she whispered as her lips found his once more, her core lining up with his length perfectly.

He kissed her back with a moan, heat prickling his skin everywhere she touched. Her wet core brushed his length over and over again as her lips smoothed over his, until he couldn’t take it anymore, reaching down to guide himself into her when she pressed back into him again.

It was slow, the way their bodies connected fully as they moaned into each other’s mouths. They both ached for that feeling in the same way, gripping hands and contented sighs falling from their lips as they melted into each other with ease.

“I’ll never get enough of you,” Harry whispered against her mouth, the words spilling from his lips without thought.

Gianna moved over him with a lazy roll of her hips, wanting nothing more than to let herself infinitely mold to him.

“Good...” she moaned as she pushed herself up, her hands planting themselves on the strongest part of his chest, her hair curtaining around her face as she rode him harder, “don’t.”

Her words were simple, but they didn’t need to be any more than that. Harry could hear it in her tone; he knew that she was guarded and working against it. And how could she not be. He understood. But when they were like this, she didn’t feel closed off. It was like she couldn't stop herself, like her ribcage opened, exposing her vulnerable, overly beating heart.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping her sides, her hips, the fullness of her ass, eyes traveling over her in awe. He reached up quickly, grabbing the back of her neck to pull her down to him and meet her mouth with needy lips.

She kissed him feverishly, moaning into his mouth with every thrust of her hips. Her hands found his throat, cupping each side lightly at first, before her grip tightened a bit, and then a bit more, and then a tiny bit more than that.

He gasped around a groan as his eyes rolled closed, his hips helplessly meeting hers as he came, a sound similar to a muffled shout slipping past his lips. She watched him ride out his high, his face relaxing from crinkled brows to a lazy, blissed out smile.

He was gorgeous.

She smothered him completely, his arms instantly wrapping around her waist to keep her close.

“You’re fucking amazing,” he murmured into the skin of her neck, the scent of her shampoo making him feel like he was high. Maybe he was... completely and totally high on her.

She hummed as she raked her fingers through the side of his sweaty hair, the contentness of his arms around her that tightly doing more than she knew it could.

When Gianna cuddled further into the soft sheets that surrounded her, she expected a warm body to also be encasing her.

Instead, the sheets were crinkled beside her, empty, the room still dark from the night. She could hear muffled voices coming from the apartment. Harry’s bedroom door was cracked open, the light from the kitchen visible.

She creeped out of his bed, tip-toeing across the room to stand by the door and peek through the opening.

He was arguing, she could tell by his rushed words without being able to make out what he was saying.

“Don’t be stupid, Harry.”

That was Gemma, and for whatever reason, her words made Gianna’s heart plummet. She knew they were talking about her, how could they not be.

Gianna never slept in his room, for the weeks that their thing was going on, she always snuck out of his room at some point. And for this exact reason.

“Okay, Gem,” he said sarcastically. “Gonna go to bed now, if that’s alright.”

Gianna moved away from the door, rushing back into his bed, purposely facing away from his side of the bed when she laid down.

He crept in moments later, a sigh escaping his lips once his door was pushed closed. Gianna tried to even her breathing despite her racing heart, listening as he walked over to the bed, a couple of beats passing before he was sliding in beside her. He released another sigh once he was laying down, the bed moving as he presumably turned onto his side.

It was quiet then, Gianna keeping perfectly still as she breathed softly, her thoughts racing still even as her heart slowed. She didn’t need to know the whole conversation to know Gemma didn’t like what was going on between them. She assumed the protective sister in her came out, and Gianna couldn’t really blame her. She had baggage, and a lot of it. Nothing good could come from this, whatever it was.

But even though Gianna knew she was playing with fire, she wanted to be burned.

And then Harry’s arm wrapped around her waist to pull her into his waiting chest, as if he could hear her thoughts.

“Sorry, sorry,” Harry eased when she startled at his touch. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered as she settled against him, his knee finding its way between her legs as he held her close, his body easily melting against hers once more.

Harry fell asleep almost instantly. Gianna took quite a bit longer before her drowsiness finally pulled her under.

“Friday?” Gemma asked with wide eyes. “That’s so soon, babe.”

Gianna nodded from where she leaned over the kitchen counter, finishing a piece of pizza over the open box, still in her work clothes sans heels.

“I know, but it was available now so I figured I should jump on it before someone else did.”

After the night she overheard Harry and Gemma arguing, Gianna couldn’t find her own place fast enough. It was time - she had overstayed her welcome on Harry and Gemma’s couch.

If anything, she thought maybe she overstayed her welcome in Harry’s bed, too.

As an easy fix, she went on the hunt for her own place and luckily enough, found something she liked that she could afford on her own and could move into in less than a week.

She didn’t want things to get weird between her and Harry, or her and Gemma. Gianna had known them for a long time, and they were there for her through everything with Steve - took her in with no questions. She would be lucky to sneak out of all this with no damage.

So she signed a lease and would be moving out of their place in two days. She knew it was fast, but truly thought it was for the best.

“Did you tell Harry?”

Gianna internally winced, careful not to show a reaction as she brushed her hands together over the pizza box before turning her back to Gemma to wash her hands.

“Not yet, I haven’t seen him the last couple days. Work’s been crazy busy.”

The truth was, Gianna was actively working late to avoid him. By the time she got home the last few nights, she would be so tired that she passed out on the couch. It was effective - Harry usually went to bed early and was up way before her in the mornings - making their paths uncrossable.

“Well, you should let him know soon.”

Gemma’s features were soft when Gianna turned back to her. There was something behind Gemma’s eyes, like she had a secret, but she didn’t expand any further.

And Gianna thought about the look on her face for the rest of the evening. While she cleaned up the kitchen, while she showered, while she got herself situated on the couch at nearly 1AM.

Harry’s bedroom door hadn’t even cracked open, not even a sound coming from the room since Gianna had gotten home. She contemplated going in there, sneaking in and just slipping into his bed and his warm embrace. But she stopped herself. Soon enough she wouldn’t have that luxury anyway so she might as well just get used to it.

The truth was, and she wasn’t sure why, but she was afraid to tell Harry she was leaving. Maybe because she knew their little arrangement was coming to an end and she wasn’t ready for that to be a reality yet. Maybe deep down she knew she had let herself get too deep in it and now had to climb her way out. She liked Harry, she liked him too much.

That was the thing about secrets, wasn’t it? They always found a way out.

So two days later, after still having not told Harry that she was moving, Gianna felt like her stomach could fall right out of her body at the sight of him in the doorway of his room, quietly watching her collect the few random things that had found a home amongst his.

She was completely unaware that he had stood there for more minutes than he was even sure, watching her attach a hair clip to the bottom of her shirt, picking up her current read from the nightstand she had wordlessly taken over, a chapstick that she hadn’t minded sharing. He watched as her fingers slowly drifted over a stray tee shirt that hung from the back of his desk chair, seemingly lost in thought, before she decidedly plucked it from its place to claim it as her own.

She had claimed a lot of things hers in the time she spent hidden away in his bedroom.

Her small gasp seemed genuine, somehow not sensing his presence. That alone had Harry holding back a cryptic laugh, because he could feel her even when she was in a different room.

“You scared me,” she breathed with a hand over her chest.

“Sorry.”

They wordlessly stared for a moment, eyes attempting to say things that neither of them had the courage to utter.

“Going somewhere?” Harry finally spoke, his tone cooler than ever.

And she hated that it effectively caused a chill to roll down her spine.

“I found a place.”

Silence again, a small nod of understanding from Harry. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans before casually leaning against the door frame.

“Cool. Do you like it?”

He looked completely indifferent, making conversation like any other day. Except that they didn’t make small talk like this anymore. Many conversations had been held in his bedroom, some funny, some serious, some sexy, some dreamlike, and some so open that they practically hurt.

“Yeah, it’s nice.” Gianna fiddled with the sleeve of her blouse, subconsciously pulling at the loose thread that hung from the seam.

“When do you move in?”

Gianna tried not to outwardly cringe. “Tonight.”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting… resistance? She couldn’t even explain why she should expect that from him other than simply wanting it. There was a part of her that just wanted him to want her to stay.

“That’s great, G. Congrats.”

The resistance was surely nowhere in sight. Emotion, yearning, pensiveness - also nonexistent.

Gianna knew it wasn’t fair to want a reaction from Harry, but his passiveness was a stark difference from what she had seen from him as of late. But they did what they did, and now it was over. It wasn’t something that could have lasted forever, and that was never the intention anyway.

But as much as it was the right time for Gianna to move forward, she couldn’t help feeling like she was leaving him behind, regardless of him being okay with being left. He helped her in more ways than she could have explained, and for that fact alone, she’d miss their time together.

That wasn’t the only reason.

“Well, thanks for… everything.” Gianna watched every minute movement he made.

“Come on, I didn’t do anything,” Harry countered with a wave of his hand, eyes trailing across her face.

Gianna forced a small smile before choosing that moment to walk towards him and his bedroom door. Harry stood up straight in the doorway - that was as far as he could will his body to move. He wanted to give her a hug at least, he wanted to tell her that he would miss her, but all he did was stand there.

When Gianna leaned up to press the softest kiss to the corner of his mouth, lips like a flower brushing his skin, Harry’s breath caught in his throat, his heart beating so roughly that he was sure she could hear it.

“I’ll see ya around,” she murmured, her perfume caressing him the way her skin once had.

Harry moved into his room, silently sitting on the edge of his bed with a lump in his throat as he listened to the jingle of her keys lifting from the entry table bowl, his head hanging and his eyes drifting shut by the time the heavy door closed behind her.

a/n: Welcome back! I should be saying that to myself, I know lol. I’m honestly so happy I could get something out of my head. I really hope you enjoyed it. The literal biggest thanks to my girls @oh-honey-styles @andwhenshesays for inspiring me daily and giving me their unconditional support I love you both so much. Clink clink! Thank you to anyone that reads, it’s greatly appreciated. I would love to hear your thoughts!

next | masterlist | ask

#harry styles smut #harry styles writing #harry styles series #1dff #amw

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johnsamericano · 3 years

Text

Ꭰąվ ५

➱ Ơsɑƙí Տհօեɑɾօ

The owner of the coffee shop he visits every morning seems suspiciously interested in the Japanese boy, but considering his busy schedule, Shotaro avoids any giving her any hopes. All the emotions he'd tried to suppress hit him like a truck as her eyes start drifting to other people.

genre: angst

warnings: sadness overload

☞ taglist: @morningsunandnightsky @soberhani @aaasteroidsky @chenlewifey @piaozhisheng @doeilovr

falling masterlist

The bells over the door rang as a new client entered the shop. Even with the cap and face mask, you'd recognize him anywhere.

“Good morning!” You were standing behind the counter, smiling brightly at him.

“Good morning, y/n. The usual, please.” You nodded, walking to the coffee machine as one of the workers registered his order on the computer. “Here.” He extended a bill, knowing exactly the price of the cup of coffee. He went there every day, after all.

“We have a crochet class tomorrow night, you should join us.” You already knew the answer, but asking wouldn't hurt anyone.

“I don’t think my schedule will allow it, but I'll try to join you.” His coldness never failed to discourage you. But the fact that he didn't stop visiting even after you confessed your crush on him kept the small flame of hope inside you alive.

“I’ll keep my fingers crossed.”

He usually sat by the bookshelf at the back of the store. Shotaro always picked mystery books to read while sipping his coffee.

Though he'd never admit it, he liked visiting on rainy days the most. On those days, the shop was less crowded than usual, which allowed you to pour yourself a cup of coffee and sit down with him to read whatever novel you had recently bought.

“Here you go.”

You had more clients than usual. The shop was finally starting to become more and more popular. Through the hectic hour, he was there, you never stopped shooting him smiles, making sure he knew your eyes were on him at all times. He never allowed himself to smile back. It would only give you more hope.

As expected, he didn't show up the next night. But someone else did. A handsome client you'd seen a couple of times, but failed to notice his advances on you. You chatted through the workshop, comparing your patterns and laughing at each other's lack of ability.

“That's a beautiful square.” You giggled at the amorphous shape.

“It was supposed to be a circle, but thank you, kind lady.”

He came back for a morning tea the next day and the day after that consecutively for a week. Slowly, your attention drifted from Shotaro to the handsome stranger. And that change didn't go unnoticed by the Japanese boy.

“You seem a bit distracted.” It was a rainy day, which meant enjoying your silent company for a whole hour. “Is everything alright?” Your eyes kept moving to the door as if you were expecting someone to come in.

“Yeah, here's your americano. Enjoy!” As he waited for you to join him, another client came in. Your chirpy voice received him and took his order.

He thought his ears were deceiving him when he heard:

“I’ll join you in a minute. Just let me pour myself a latte.”

He must’ve misheard, right? But all his doubts were wiped away as you sat with another man at a nearby table. It felt as if you'd broken an unspoken agreement.

He couldn't focus on his reading anymore, your small chat too loud to let his brain make sense of the words.

He left without saying a word, not that you minded. You were too busy talking with your new friend to notice.

Why was he feeling so mad? That's exactly what he wanted. His career didn't allow him to nurture a relationship as much as he wanted to. Which is why it was easier for you to drift away. But his feelings for you were undeniable. As much as he tried to give you the cold shoulder, he couldn't help but get excited every morning as he walked through your door.

During practice, he missed a few dance moves, something that rarely happened.

“Are you alright?” Sungchan asked with a deep frown, having noticed the sudden change in his friend’s mood. The gloomy weather seemed to match his emotions.

“Yeah.”

“No, you're not.”

“It’s nothing, just the usual romantic depression every idol suffers.”

“It doesn't have to be that way, you know? Yes, it would be hard, but if you both like each other, anything is possible.” Shotaro was about to bite back, but Sungchan was already walking away.

Would you be willing to be in a secret relationship? Dating someone that barely made an appearance wasn't an appealing idea, yet, he never asked you what you thought about it. Perhaps you'd be willing to be with him, perhaps the hour you spent together in the morning would be more than enough for you. But he wouldn't find out unless he asked.

With the permission of the choreographer, he left earlier. With a sweaty tracksuit, he ran to the nearest flower shop. A bouquet always comes in handy when apologizing, his mother used to say.

He would burst in, drag you outside where he’ll finally get his feelings for you off his chest. Would you kiss him after he confessed? No, that was too much. Maybe you'd hug him. That would be nice.

All his plans and fantasies crumbled down as he saw you talking on the phone outside of your shop. You were wearing the smile that you'd so often showed him. Except it wasn't him you were smiling at.

He hated himself for being so coward, for not fighting for you. But at the same time, he knew you were better off with someone else. Someone able to match your loving persona without any restraints.

You went back inside the store, giving him the chance to lay the bouquet down in front of the door. Hopefully, you wouldn't miss his morning visits too much, because he would surely do.

#nct au #nct imagines #nct ot21 #nct smut #nct x reader #nct #nct scenarios #nct 127 #nct angst #nct shotaro #shotaro #nct fluff

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mrsmaybank · 3 years

Text

Honey - Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer and the reader were very much in love during Reid’s brief stint in Pasadena. When he has to see her again on a case, he is super nervous.

a/n: first section is inspired by such great heights

C/W: Swearing

PASADENA - 2002

A note from the love of your life is a lovely way to wake up.

------

When you can understand everything but yourself, finding somebody who does is like seeing a comet; disappointingly rare. My shaky hands can only be stilled by the smile of my most incandescent--in every connotation--creature, and that is you. The universe always seems to know what it is doing even if humanity does not. The stars align and move in patterns we as it’s audience do not fully understand. I think we have watched the stars so much the universe has aligned us as a favor to our poor, overestimated souls. I am so grateful! Tolstoy noted that "We are asleep until we fall in love!” And I thank you for waking me up.

However I thought it best the favor not be returned this particular morning. You were up late last night, and looked too cute to disrupt. Do not kill me, I am getting coffee.

I love you and do not leave the bed.

-Spencer

------

Only Spencer Reid would write that on a sticky note, and only for you would he do so.

You heard the rattling of keys and a door being opened and shut as Spencer made his way back to your bedroom. The smile you saw on his face was the start of a story that ended on the upturn of your lips, revealing the two protagonists in a mad frenzy of love. As soon as he reached you, your lips pressed to his in a desperation to be impossibly closer.

“Hi.” he said.

I am thinking it's a sign

That the freckles in our eyes

Are mirror images

And when we kiss they're perfectly aligned

“Hey love.” you tucked a loose brown hair back behind his ear for a closer look at the face you adored. “Please get back in bed.”

He sighed but crawled in next to you, big nimble hands making their way across your torso to diminish the space in between you two. You nuzzled into his chest.

“Your note was beautiful.” you whispered into his ear.

A big, goofy grin spread along his face.

“I meant every word.” his voice so sweet, it sounded dipped in honey.

Honey is incredibly sticky.

-----

There had to have been a world where it all worked out.

In this world, my things never got old, and the ice cubes in my coffee never melted. I could listen to that song over and over again without draining the life out of it and I could like my hair style for more than three months.

Spencer had read to me the greatest works of the world. Words of the greatest thinkers, authors, and minds. He had an appreciation for them greater than those of the average passerby and I adored that, because so did I. Truly, our similarities are what connected us. Our minds were correlated perfectly when it came to subjectivity.

In accordance to human nature however, certain matters were never agreed upon. In particular, we argued about the future. The canyon of discrepancy so vast it tore us and our love in two. I didn’t think that was possible.

I wanted to write the book and watch the film as I lived my life and he and his arrogant over-practically thought that impossible. He thought himself an oneirocritic, but my dreams were not looking for critiques.

Like I said, Spencer read to me the greatest works of the world. And years would pass and the heartbreak and sorrow would fade, but I would always find it ironic how the last thing I ever heard in that honey soaked voice was a work of Confucius. “Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.”

Spencer chose to go to Washington. He took his heart and a piece of mine with him.

-----

BAU JET - 2011

Seaver must’ve noticed my flinch when the sound of her name resonated through the jet. I’d never liked going to California, but this...this had never happened. “That name mean something to you Reid?” She smiled, “You look kind of horrified.”

I ran my hands through my hair in a futile attempt to ground myself. “No. I just...I used to know her.”

In between the fine lines of love and hate, fell a blurry midsection where feelings came before logic and screams and whispers sounded the same. She ruled over this midsection of chaotic emotional fury.

Morgan spoke, and I quickly realized I might be falling into a conversation I really did not want to be having. “How the hell d’you know her pretty boy?”

There was no point in lying on a plane completely occupied by profilers. My best option was to clumsily dodge any direct questions about just how well I knew her.

“I’m from the West coast.”

“So are over 50 million people. You mean to tell me you know all of them?” he laughed.

“The exact estimation is actually 53,492,270. And no, I’m not saying I know all of them, Morgan. I lived in Pasadena for a year after I graduated from Caltech.”

“Okay?” Morgan questioned my previous statements relevancy.

“She went to USC. We were in the same social circle.”

Morgan laughed again, “You had a social circle?”

Emily, next to us, was presumably combing through her file.

“You, ultimate three doctorate dorky dork, were in the same circle as a film major?” she asked. “

What the hell is ‘doctorate dorky dork’ supposed to mean?

“She double majored actually. Film and political science.”

Emily double checked the file, “And Reid’s right. Per usual.”

“Reid and Prentiss, Y/L/N has agreed to talk to us in her home. She lives in the Hills. When we land, you guys go talk to her.” Hotch stated.

“Why?” I said before I could stop myself. The team sat in confused silence in reaction to my bluntness, but Hotch, like always, was not having it.

“Because we have a serial killer that is reenacting the murders in her movie, Reid.” his tone was stern and swift, with a patronizing sarcasm I supposed I deserved.

“Sorry,” I got out, “I guess I just meant..why me?”

“Well, you know her don’t you?” Rossi asked.

I was not ready to divulge the personal details between me and this girl to my entire team, so I just pursed my lips and nodded.

“Right. Sorry.”

----

Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament. George Santayana. I was in the biggest fucking predicament I’d ever encountered in my life.

Nothing could slow the incessant, double time pounding in my chest. I was showing symptoms of the beginning of a heart attack. Hopefully I would die and never have to face this.

Fuck, don’t think that.

Have the seats in these cars always been this uncomfortable? God, is California always this hot?

I looked at Emily for half a second, and instantly recognized that keeping quiet from her was proving to be dysfunctional. I could feel her eyes burning into my brain with every profiling skill she knew.

“What are you not saying Reid?”

I sighed. “Do I have to tell you?”

“Yeah. Unless you want me to just find out on my own. It’ll be a lot less delicate.”

Here goes nothing.

“I dated her. For two years. I was very much in love with her. It ended....abruptly. I haven’t spoken to her since, and now, nine years later, I am on my way to her house. I might have a heart attack.”

Emily's eyes widened, “Shit..” She laughed a little, “Reunited at last?.”

I answered with a glare. Hard no.

“Fine, sorry.” She said, masking a giggle with a cough.

I shifted in my seat and I could practically see the gears in Emily’s profiler cerebrum spin. She knew exactly the question to ask. “Is it nerves?”

I nodded my head, “I was a very different person back then.”

“Nothing like time and the bureau can change somebody.” she said. “But, hey..”She smiled again and my eyes widened when I realized what I’d revealed. “I asked you if you were nervous. I didn’t-”

“Emily..” I started.

“Are you nervous she won’t like you now? Do you still like her?” her mouth hung open, “Oh my god Reid!”

I shook my head, “No, I don’t still like her! I don’t even know her anymore! I just..I’d never loved somebody the way I loved her.”

Emily had figured me out at the same time I had. “And you still haven’t.”

Fuck.

“Correct.”

The car pulled into her driveway, and conversations from all those years ago started to replay in my head.

“When we get a house, can we paint our front door bright blue?”

“I want a lemon tree in the front yard.”

“Windows. Huge windows. It’s a must.”

All these things I’d promised her in our future home she’d gotten for herself. Good.

Fontaine said “Sadness flies away on the wings of time”, but the pain I felt from the loss of her was as prominent as ever.

Here goes nothing.

---

Thank you for reading!

a/n2 : this is completely unedited so if its sucks dick i am sorry :/ i just wanted to post it lol

A/n 3: the typos oh my fuck. I wanna Kick myself for letting this cute fic be up in that state for so long. Anyway, fixed! :)

#spencer reid #drspencerreid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid reader insert #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you

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