#and like whoever my brain percevies she talks more to
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#ive also been experiencing jealousy part 2#the good thing abt part 2 is i recognize the patterns#the bad thing is like the emotions LOL#jealousy part 1 ended but only bc i think my emotions like transferred to another person which sucks#its just alwyas whoever she spends the most amt of time with that isnt me#and like whoever my brain percevies she talks more to#or is talking to all the time#which with jealousy part 2 is kinda not completley false theyre like always stuck to each other#but i have to keep reminding myself they were always like this like even when i joined to some degree#the only thing thats maybe changed in the past couple of months is my perception of their relationship#and esp now that jealousy part 1 is over and i can see that relationship dynamic not tinged w romance its also like mroe of an idnicatory#that all of this is just perspective#but perspective is powerful and makes me feel like im third wheeling their relationship dynamic#yeah bc they see each other so much i was like duh its obvious theyre close i think that is also what kind of#lent to the disappointment of sharing a living space w her nad having nOTHIGN change like#it was a sign to me of oh nothing will really change how she feels#which is OKAY !! ITS OKAY!#im like so happy and thanful to have someone like her in my life as a friend#i just need to emtoinally believe that sighhhhhhhh#cuz shes gonna start dating eventually right i wonder if it'll be less painful when i KNOW shes into someone romantically#rather than now when im just making up the ppl shes into without any real evidence just hypothetical readings of her behavior
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